#that was my life throughout hs btw

[kavehater]

Wow I just remembered how Maryam called me easy as a half joke when at the time it was quite close to the Eris incident and fatema agreed laughing and then I started panicking afterwards and then had mentioned how after I had momentarily felt better the panic came back and they had the audacity to exclaim how come and what happened

[atlaskrr]

Comics that resonate with me in an unexplainable way - a rec list

☆ amount represents how much is resonated with me (aka how obsessed i became or how deep i loved) which is a personal thing not a quality thing.

sorted by sections below ⬇️

Manga

Zeikin de katta hon☆☆☆ - delinquent wants to use library. OH NO! he needs to return a book he lost when he was child. welp. reimbursement time. he does (while embarrassed) and ends up working in the library in the process and growing as a person. messages relate to the books and library practices in the chapter.

pos: AUGHHHH. comforting, imformativs, beautiful messages, well-written characters that each carry a message, and makes you fall in love with libraries and books (you will appreciate librarians 10x more)

neg: some charas can feel exagerated and some jokes are repeated one too many times

Magmell shinkai suizokukan☆☆☆ - i wanna work in an aquarium! a well renowned first ever deep sea aquarium! and i am. just as a janitor. but its ok since i get to watch and learn about all these wonderful creatures. i hope people see how beautiful they are too. each chapter carries a message tied to the creature it covers.

pos: GOD DAMN the art is beautiful. informative on the deep sea, well written characters and their psychology, nice mystery build up along the slice of life, you will be enraptured by the "ugly" deep sea. will make you believe in yourself and your dreams and that you can always grow and improve

neg: some scenarios of the world dont make sense with how the creatures would usually behave, weird age gap side-story (did not happen and was handled responsibly but still)

Butai ni sake☆☆ - they said i sounded scary. what if everyone will misinterpret me again? im at a new school for hs. i got this. how can i learn to be more, less scary? wait what club is showcasing right now? the... threatre club? maybe thats the answer. chapters show the club preparing for plays!

pos: RELATABLE AF characters. the messages are strong throughout and all the showcase of what goes on in a theatre club is very accurate. it makes you fall in love with the art and if youre already a theatre kid like me, i think youll be impressed and find it relatable.

neg: besides the main 2 characters, side characters can feel underdeveloped. ESPECIALLY one of them. the ending is very open-ended on the romance that they kept on implying (though it mightve just been bait)

Yokai gakkou no sensei hajimemashita☆☆ - imagine the most pathetic man you can muster. now make him 100x more wimpy to the point hes hussled by kindergardners. thats the mc of yohaji abe haruaki! he became a shut-in after trying to teach at a school and getting scared away by delinquents. but wait! a family friend has let him work at a school. with its own island?! wow this is an amazing oppurtuni- ITS A SCHOOL FOR YOKAI?! starts out as comedy but plot and characters develop along the way

pos: AMAZING characters, well developed relationships, great development throughout the story overall, fun yokai trivia, and well incorparated comedy. also. GAY. like- well written abd casually. pretty art btw.

neg: humour can be repetitive and too questionable for some. lowk the mangakas kinks are slipping through into it 💀 the timeline of one year feels like its streching on for ATLEAST 2 with the amount of shit that happens. once again, lots of questionable things. like time travel age gap. or just age gap ship bait. or just the mc. he gets a pass tho.

Manwha

The makeup remover☆☆☆ - i am ugly. but im ok with that, i mean im just a photography student. but i guess i could try more... how does everybody just become beautiful? how do they learn? OMG HE FUCKED UP MY MAKEUP. wait whos this new random dude. and why is he asking me to be his model for a makeup competiton??? the story follows this duo in the makeup competition.

pos: AMAZING STORY. AMAZING MESSAGES. each character FEELS like a message. they're well written. it feels realistic. the makeup looks SO CREATIVE. the relationships between characters are developed well and the diverse cast of backgrounds allow for good subplots that make you CARE and think about the messages they carry as they resonate in your soul. it shows both the good and bad of makeup. realistic. truly.

neg: very vauge open ending on relationship front as they kept teasing multiple relationships and it just- no payoff. spme character backgrounds were not explored enough.

Sambong barbershop☆☆ - theres a virus spreading around to ugly people when they break. im scared ill be next. but then a cat steaps her watch, she follows it to a barbershop and- is that a humanoid cat?! smoking a cig?????? oh and a majestic dude who cut hair with gigantic scissors. blablabla she ends up working at a barbershop. sambong barbershop. it shows how one can grow as a person yet stay the same as the mc works at the barbershop.

pos: good message, complex charas (they can be assholely but theyre human), cool action scenes and fantasy elements, very realistic as, well youll see how the development goes if you read this comic.

neg: artstyle takes a while to grow on you and ending was- random. and ambig. also, because its very realistic it guves a more harsh vibe to the message rather than positivity (not a full downside tho). also the world-building is very unclear and vauge.

Surviving romance☆☆☆ - ive been isekaid into my favourite romance novel. ahh this is the life, ill get my happily ever after, who cares about those faceless extras. lalalala- ZOMBIE OUTBREAK??? I DIE?! wait. im. alive again. at the beginning of that day. WHATS GOING ON??? the story follows how she'll survive this nightmare by getting to know unknown extras she has never cared for along the way.

pos: AMAZING development throughout the story as always by lee yone. characters and relationships grow very well and the mystery us very well developed and hints are rlly good! as hidden yet visible as they need to be. the pacing was good and the artstyle is very charming. the visuals are also used very cleverly and creatively. you can even see hints in the first few scenes! also, friendship! and a good, hopeful message for anyone struggling.

neg: ending can feel very luck based. also very open-ended (personally part of the charm tho). also questionable age losgistics and some might not like the character attitude switch ups.

Peace restaurant☆ - the dimensions have all collapsed together, right in seoul. naturally, theres war over land. but one safe haven owned by a mysteriously strong and feared lady, is peace restaurant. the newly awakened demon king is ready to fly there and when he does- be gets beat up. and not by the warrior there- BUT BY THE LADY???? the story follows the growing mystery behind the mc and the "fight" agaisnt people who oppose her restaurant.

pos: love the mystery and found fam. fun exaggerated characters yet also clearly more depth hiding beneath that. love through cooking. comedy that grows plot my fav genre fr. also, very cool dishes and world. also good character and relationship development for one chara. also, HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS!

neg: other characters could be more well developed and complex. change can feel too fast suddenly accepted by the mc. the current arc (chap 26ish i think?) is dragging FAR longer than it needs to. could benefit from more realistic characters (though its probably a writing choice for the tone of the story)

Webtoon

Cursed princess club☆☆ - gwendolyn is beautiful, just like the rest of her siblings, everyone in her life thinks so. though her life in inside the palace due to her overorotective father. but when she and her sisters are set to get engaged to the plaid princes and her fiance calls her UGLY. her world shatters as she realizes hes right. she runs into the forest as she cries and WHATS THAT. she passes out and wakes up in a mansion with princesses having a tea party outside. huh. so this isnt a haunted forest? WAIT WHATS WITH THE LONG NOSE? AND HOLLOW EYES?? AND- LOBSTER HANDS???? she has just stumbled upon the cursed princess club. the story shows a journey of self improvement and self love.

pos: WAAAA I ACTUALLY CRIED AT THE ENDING. very well written characters that develop over time, creative curses and good foreshadowing. the subversion of tropes is PEAK. it has good callbacks, parallels, analogies, etc.

neg: i feel like many characters can be explored more, worldbuilding unclear, and cam often times focys on romance more than id like. humour is very often misplaced such as in serious scenes when they should be before or after the peak of tension instead of well- at the peak. some relationships and feelings feel- random? and also bad people are way too easily forgiven. i feel like there needs to be a line to the positive messaging on that front.

Maho shonen☆ - ahh magical girls. teenage girls with superpowers. ah! 2 guide are descending and- TWO FULLY GROWN MEN?! and the gaurdians are, well.... they're certainly not cutesy, on the inside at least. and the grown men? they're just plain horrid at their job. the only thing they gain from all this, is trauma! not like they're already stocked up on it. oh, and each other of course! the story shows how the two will get through this whole ordeal as well as their daily life.

pos: the story WILL grow on you. cool art, good trope subversions esp in the price of being a magical girl. explores the psychology of it all and has well written characters that deal with realistic issues. also very nice duo dynamic.

neg: the humour may not suit everyone as it can be a bit more mature. it does take a few eps to get good and grow on you.

Our walk home☆ - two academic rivals.... wait, why aren't they acting like rivals at all? they're even getting along? and finding things in common?! they're letting the masks slip. but their rivaling schools won't be happy to hear about this from their top students. afterall, no one from the two schools are allowed to be friends. the story shows how these two mask-wearing academic achievers get through life together. and maybe, just maybe, fall in love.

pos: VERY good exploration of identity and self-worth and VERY relatable. the characters are very well written and have simple yet recognizable designs, a cute dynamic between the mcs.

neg: honestly, i don't know. it just didn't attach to my soul. probably secondary character relationships could be further expanded on.

The bathroom ghost☆☆ - ghost are scary. but this ghost, is just REALLY BAD AT HER JOB! what's a ghost to do when she can't scare? and is stuck in a mall bathroom of all places? worse yet, the managers keep badgering her about it! this follows her hijinks.

pos: the COOLEST artstyle I've seen in a comic with a very fitting and unique feel. cool character design, simple, yet entertaining, comedy, great use of body language, hidden plot developing. mc is very endearing and so are the rest of the characters. it's just so feel-good and heartwarming.

neg: takes a few episodes to move on from episodic if you dislike that. honestly, i just need more. that's my only complaint. GIVE ME MORE VOLPEE

[vile-wizard]

Kay!!!! Dashes into here!!!! Does Kay have any original characters that he loves dearly I would LOVE to hear about them ✨💫💫 Or any current blorbos!! That would also be lovely hehe <33

This is a very difficult ask to answer because there's years of information to tell. I used to play a lot of TTRPGs and on top of making my player character I'd make their friends and enemies and parents and coworkers etc etc etc. I've got some old art of my old OCs floating around in my drawing posting tag. I've also mentioned Jethro here. I also have Tumblr blogs for a lot of them just sitting around gathering dust...

It's a little hard for me to think about Jethro now bc the campaign he was in fell apart but he's still my special little guy. Here are some drawings I did of him from HS, College and current (He's 27 but he acts like a grandpa. It doesn't help that he starts greying VERY early.) As you can see he liked horror films and theatre. Also he is Transgender. Just thought I should mention that.

His whole deal was that he's a Private Investigator looking for his Dad who went missing several years ago. His dad was a PI who did a bunch of dangerous magical cases (did I mention this is a magical world) and Jethro is trying desperately to follow in his footsteps. Jethro has questionable social skills but he watched a ton of movies growing up so he's molded himself after those old timey noire detectives.

At the start of the campaign Jethro is living in his dad's old office (don't worry there's a bathroom attachment). He's making some money taking financial and insurance fraud cases on a freelance basis and..... Well....here are my notes actually:

(His dad and mom were tragically separated before his birth and then his mom got sick but 12 year old Jethro used his burgeoning detective skills and the power of library internet access to find his dad and take a Greyhound bus him)

Anyway. In the campaign the town of Portage (and most of the world) is overrun by Magical Mutated Monsters called Slashers. No one knows how they form or what causes the mutations. There's a science research team looking into it but they keep going missing. Jethro's first task was to find out what happened to one of the missing researchers.

The game was kind of separated into arcs where Jethro and his ragtag team of misfit friends would fight a slasher all while trying to figure out the Truth behind what's going on. Jethro's character build (this game is Urban Shadows btw) is called The Sworn and it basically means he's a fighter for a kind of God. Because this is a horror game the God type thing that Jethro is affiliated with is called The Chorus the Angel of War, Justice, Revenge and Protection. It talks to him sparingly through other things. Fortunately I wrote a disco elysium style thing about Jethro's first interaction with it after his first fight with a Slasher:

Anyway, he starts hearing Voices and despite his Catholic upbringing he's still more than a little freaked by it especially since they're telling him to avenge the dead and stuff. There are more gods in the same and I made a Pinterest for them here. Jethro questions his sanity, humanity and has general existential dread about the whole thing. It's kinda an issue for him because he ALSO experiences hallucinations due to his poor life choices. He self medicates with a variety of sleeping pills throughout the game, something that his friends can't really do anything about because they've all got their own traumas (horror game).

Sorry there's a lot of stuff here and I'm getting ahead of myself. Uhhh personality wise Jethro is very altruistic and sometimes stupidly kind but he also has a deep rooted hero complex. He keeps things to himself and wants to handle matters on his own, which causes a lot of issues.

TLDR; I have so so so so many original characters and there's too much to say. I'm also running out of time to write this because I have a stupid timer on to limit my Tumblr usage lmao BUT YEAH. There's so much thanks for asking

[lucassinclaer-archive]

tags by @lumaxramblings that i felt deserve their own post bc it's such an interesting aspect to talk about:

#ok so.#i'm going to add my 2 cents to this#as someone who has psychoanalyzed dustin (and has friends who psychoanalyze him way better)#i DO think that dustin does see steve in a slightly parental light#except not really?#so. his dad's gone. he either disappeared between seasons 1 and 2 OR they didn't just give dustin's homelife thought until s2#(because he says ''parents'' to lucas when he says he'll get in trouble)#so he latches onto older male figures because he won't admit it but he misses the bond he had with hs dad#so he doesn't see steve as a DAD and definitely more as a brother#but there's DEFINTELY some complicated feelings around his bond w him because of his absentee father

(btw, i think mr henderson actually shows up in s1, at will's funeral if i'm not mistaken, so my personal hc is that dustin's parents got divorced between seasons 1 and 2.)

it's such a shame that this wasn't explicitly stated in season 2, because that could've given us an even more meaningful start to dustin's and steve's dynamic. if dustin is literally dealing with his parents divorcing when steve first really factors into his life, that really adds so much to dustin's character.

season 2 marks the party, and dustin and lucas in particular, actually trying to grow up. it's not forced on them, they're actively going after more "grown-up" things to do. and for boys that does often include their dad's influence. teaching them to shave or asking out romantic prospects or how to dress up are often tropes to portray that in fiction.

steve does, to an extent, take on that role. and for dustin (if we go with these hcs) that's important and probably does blur the lines given that he doesn't have that already.

however, dustin is also the only party member that doesn't have a sibling. even more specifically, he's the only one who isn't or doesn't have a brother, aside from el who eventually comes by two brothers regardless.

and beyond the above-mentioned tropes, steve definitely takes on more the role of a brother. because he doesn't have the actual charge or authority of a parent and is very much portrayed as a teenager throughout the show. (dustin's mother does and isn't. she just doesn't know about the supernatural side of hawkins. but she enthusiastically sends off her son to halloween, is the only one who proudly tells him to show off his pearls, watches tv with him at night, hugs him.)

dustin and steve bicker like siblings, dustin is open with steve in a way people often are with siblings but not necessarily parents (bc they have the responsibility and are therefore often more strict), they're closer in age range than a parent and a child which does make a difference just on a maturity level.

and this is the point where i bump up against the rigidity of assigning nuclear family roles to characters. the point of found family isn't necessarily to project those roles one-to-one, especially bc it specifically goes against the notion that a family can be only one thing. i don't think you need to assign steve one role definitively. like originally stated in those tags, these things can be complicated and that's okay and sometimes they don't fit in a box readily available.

[17gz]

do you mind me asking what just happened w you guys’ roommate? of course lmk if youd rather not talk about it, i just didnt wanna ask about the situation through replies and thought itd be better to ask here in case youd wanna answer privately 🙁 regardless i hope you two are okay

tldr:

a friend i've known for 6 years + the two of us moved into this apartment last summer

i'd lived w this friend a few years before this and i thought they'd grown and worked on shit (boy was i wrong)

things were okay in the first half of our lease, minor problems but it seemed like we had a good foundation laid out for living together and we had plans to renew when this current lease ended

abt 4 months ago, my roommate met this person off a dating app and they basically immediately got together and their partner showed up one day and never left

even after trying to put boundaries down abt this, they didnt listen to any of it

i also don't trust their partner bc everyone thats met them has caught some of their lies. their entire story doesnt check out

the partner (on the day our friend found recent texts on their phone to their ex) got evicted from their old place bc they couldnt pay rent and they kinda cornered us and "asked" if their partner could live with us (not paying any rent btw) and we had rly no choice but to say yes

on top of that, their partner has been fatphobic and shitty and disrespectful to us on a near daily basis. nobody in my friends life likes this partner, not their parents or any of their friends, and especially us. i tried talking to my friend about this and they acted like they took it seriously but clearly didn't...

shit kept building after they were making us feel uncomfortable and intrusive in our own apartment for 4 months, and initially i said we could renew the lease since $875 rent per person sounded tempting + i found this unit + i like this unit + i hate moving, but it just really wasnt a good idea

the final straw was my friends partner being extremely rude and disrespectful to my high school friend during pride (my hs friend is a trans woman) and when we talked to them about it, they denied everything and deflected so fucking hard, we were completely fed up with it and realized that 4 months of this has been hell and i can't do another 12 months of this

last tuesday, we told them that we would not be renewing our lease, which ends july 30. we apologized about the late notice, and explained our side and tried to be as sympathetic and helpful as possible abt them renewing the lease with other roommates, but they were upset and i get being upset, so i was giving them some space etc

we made our conversation as mature and non aggressive as possible, ive been trying to stay as collected and polite as physically possible, especially since we are the only two men in this unit

they started being extremely passive aggressive and rude and awful to us throughout the past week, and even when i was helping them figure shit out with our landlord etc, they were still so rude to us... i mean slamming doors and stomping their feet and rolling their eyes when we walk past and deadbolting the door when we leave the apartment etc

after so much hostility etc in this unit, we stayed with mutual friends for the weekend and we told them abt everything and they were all extremely supportive and said we were not at all in the wrong for this, and that we have been extremely patient with them for so long. even a friend i didnt expect to side with us was 100% on our side and wants to talk to them one on one

we're in the process of applying for a new unit and fingers crossed we can move out asap. we started properly packing today, and during that, our friend asked to talk to us

they asked what we left out of our convo and what personal issues we had, i said i'm not comfortable talking about that until we're in our separate apartments and things have cooled down more. they were really mad that i was firm on that, they accused us of creating the tension and hostility in the apartment, despite the fact that we have actively been avoiding causing shit because our stress levels are through the roof and they're already demonizing us to others bc we put down a boundary, i can't be petty etc and give them an actual reason to demonize us.

as we kept talking, they were like. shaking with rage with a smile on their face and saying passive aggressive shit to us and saying we need to move out sooner than our planned move out date...

important context: my dad is the guarantor, i found this unit, and 99% of the furniture etc we have here is ours.

(disclaimer before i say this, i know various people with BPD. people that will take accountability for their actions and take steps to work on their coping mechanisms and behavior etc.) but this "friend" has BPD that they use as an excuse for every single one of their shitty actions and does not take any responsibility for their behavior. their partner, as far as i know, is not diagnosed with anything and while i'm no psychiatrist, i've had 3 diff people (including my actual psychiatrist) say this is telltale NPD. again not to say that makes you a terrible person, but when you don't take any steps to work on yourself etc and harm others around you, thats what i take issue with. its the definition of a volatile BPD + NPD relationship...

ive also been there for this friend more times than i can count. i've wiped so much snot and tears from their face, i've put aside my own shit to help them and i've done so much for them. thats rarely been reciprocated... they do not give a shit about us and it completely showed today when they talked to us and it became clear they were trying to financially trap us here and they're furious that we put a boundary down. they treat us like their parents, their therapists, and their savings account, and if we EVER did something like that to them, the fallout would be nuclear.

i'm literally shaking typing this and hearing them come out of their room slamming doors and shit. i don't know what they're capable of, and i don't know if they're planning on doing anything, but im afraid because i don't know. i've been having nonstop panic attacks recently and the living situation here is adding immense stress on top of the apt hunting process and moving process. i feel fucking sick genuinely

i'm sure i've left a LOT out, but its been nightmarish here

[getoswhore]

this is probably tmi but ig im sad bc i feel like im running out of time to do things. like im i have no motivation to do anything but atst i want to do as much stuff as i can before i graduate hs n its so overwhelming. im getting older and i cant stop thinking that i could have done more like to enjoy my youth and i feel like ive wasted so much of my time :(

(this is the sad anon btw)

ANON WHAT. YOU ARE STILL SO YOUNG IF UR GRADUATING HS SOON!!? but i kinda understand what you mean(?) growing up and passing time is a part of ur life, and no matter how it's spent, you still lived through that moment. just breathing and existing is as much anyone should be happy with, having desires to live to a high potential can hold you back and make you "waste time", let life just flow, and enjoy it. you are still so young and full of time, so explore it, and stop downing yourself for "wasting time" there's no such thing, only disregarding it. you can still do so much, and getting older isn't always too bad, you can do so much more and learn and explore and figure out things throughout time... also motivation will come to you, you cannot go to it, you cannot chase it. if you do, you only wear yourself out more and become less motivated for trying to fake it. ive done this many times and has put me in a full funk. don't push things, it will come to you. so bb, do things that bring you happiness, and let time pass, slow or fast. it is so normal, you can always do things you've wanted regardless of being in hs or not. <3

[1d1195]

Can I just say, I’m absolutely in love with how you write Harry. It doesn’t matter what kind of universe you put him in, I fall head over heels for him every time. And how dare you make me fall even more in love with a man I can’t ever have!

Seriously though, I find myself checking your page throughout the day (like I don’t have notifications on lol) because I’m obsessed with your writing. Traditional was just.. so amazing. The detail and the realism of the obstacles the reader and Harry face were amazing. Poor reader couldn’t catch a break there for a minute but it was so sweet to see how everything kind of fell into place once her and Harry got their act together lol. I don’t typically read series that aren’t finished yet (I found it when up to part 5 or so was out), but I read part one and couldn’t help but read the rest of the parts that were published at the time.

And screens?? What I would do to have a man as caring and patient as you wrote Harry. Again, the detail in the little things like him learning braille for the reader and being her source of hope to the joy he expresses when he realizes she has some hope too. I would love to see what happens post surgery for the reader. Those feelings of her being a burden continuing throughout her recovery and also the unknown of the result would be so upsetting but also so fluffy to see more of Harry caring for her.

Therapy was great too. I loved the jokes of the reader’s friends trying to convince her to sleep with Harry, even before anything really happened between the two of them. Even though it’s a reader insert, I still felt like there was another version of me in the story because I would definitely be the friend encouraging that. But the reader’s hesitance is a nice balance and it was almost relieving when they finally got together. And that scene on the couch 😮‍💨 I died a little bit inside

Those are the ones I can remember enough detail to write any feedback on, but I really can’t express enough how much I love your writing. I think traditional is what really made me gravitate to your account but your other pieces are so amazing too! (btw crystal-hs is my side blog for reblogging harry/1D related stuff!)

Wow, wow, wow. Thank you so much for all of this. I'm so glad you've enjoyed my blog this much to comment. I've seen your side blog and I'm so honored to be a part of it. Thank you so so much.

I obviously love Harry and lately I've been much more into the realism of life and how it's portrayed in stories and movies. I think there's a lack of it so I've been enjoying writing more realistic ideals.

Of course Traditional has easily become one of my favorite couples to write about. I think I would die to work for Harry. Just being in his presence would be enough for me.

That's a great idea for Screens! I really never planned on it being more than one part but now it's two it may as well be three right? But idk, I don't want to take away from the original plot...like the whole point is her struggle with seeing I don't know if curing her is all that realistic, but you're right. I would love to see nurse Harry, ya know? I choose to believe with all my heart that Harry is the kindest most caring man on the planet and I will be devastated to find out differently.

Therapy is one of my own personal favorites and I think I've mentioned many a times that it didn't seem to be anyone else's favorite which is fine, but any time I get love for it I feel extra happy because wow did I love them. Yeah, it's almost cyclical each month how I decide to write things like the couch scene 👀👀👀...

Thank you so much for taking the time to write anything at all about my writing. I LOVE reading your tags/comments. They mean the world to me. It's some of my favorite things to read what resonated most with you.

And I really hope you find a Harry :)

xoxo

[joonyverse]

a missed shot

author’s note: Long time no see everyone! Finally just finished hs, and I’m super burnout... and tired... and I had no time to write anything at all. This story is fully based on my life experience btw, truly the story of my life, 100%, and just happened like... yesterday... and i felt the need to pour it into a writing, so here it is! hope you enjoy it!

word count: 1.7k

genre: angst + fluff, unrequited? but not exactly?

jeon jungkook x f! readers

high school!au drabble

The first time you met Jungkook was that one afternoon in high school. You remember how you felt intimidated at first. Strong gaze pointed at you, and when you caught his gaze, you can’t help but look away, feeling small under his gaze. Strangely, something about him infatuated you. You were both happened to join the same club, and him being your senior. The glasses sitting at the stem of his nose compliment his look and you have the impression that he’s one of the smart student.

You remember how his gaze made you feel shy. For some reason, you were motivated to make a good first impression, motivated to impress him. But being the shy person that you were, you can’t help but held yourself back, it was in your nature. But your friend, Rina, the extrovert one between the both of you, able to brought the best of you. It was thanks to her that you able to break the ice within you and within everyone in the room.

But the first time you had proper interaction was that time, when you were playing around with Rina’s little brother. You can’t help but tickle his tummy, and he in return giggled before he had enough and swat your hand with his little one. And you giggle at the cuteness. Jungkook watched the both of you with such fondness in his eyes, if only you noticed him. You leaned back onto the chair you sat on and your stare landed on him.

Shyly, you greeted him. “Hi” you said, with a soft smile.

He returned the smile, his finger pushed his glasses back up his nose. “Hi” he greeted back.

“I’m y.n, nice to meet you” you introduced yourself as you move to a seat closer to where he was. You didn’t know where this confidence came from, but you welcomed it gladly. 

“I’m Jungkook, nice to meet you too”

—

And from then on, you got closer to him. After you exchanged numbers, it became an everyday thing to have some chitchat with him that lasted hours. It almost come to a point where you enjoyed going to school only to get a glimpse of his face. He made you feel giddy inside. The smiles he sent your way when you both caught each other’s stare, or the waves he sent. Or when he greeted you when you meet in the hallway. But him being a year above you means there’s only so much chance you both can meet if it’s outside club activities.

And so club meetings become your favourite time. Your club was invited for an exchange program to Japan and you couldn’t be more excited to go. But what excited you more was the thought of spending more time with him overseas.

“What are you most excited for?” Jungkook asked you as he sat beside you in one of the meeting.

You thought a bit before you answer him. “You know, since they give us a free time, I can’t wait to visit Harajuku, seems like it’ll be up my alley” you told him.

“Ah is that so? I visited there once, and I really want to go to Akihabara again” he told you.

You turned your head towards him, leaning closer before you said, “well, we can spend our free time together and visit those places?” You suggested, hopeful.

He turned his head at you and smile sweetly. “Should we?” He said followed with a giggle that you can’t help but giggled along to.

—

And come d-day. Your health suddenly dropped. You curled in bed, trying to dress up to no avail. The ache in your stomach beating any other sense of yours. And just like that, you had to cancel your flight and your travel altogether.

Feeling so upset, you spent the rest of the day crying. It was so devastating that you can’t help but cried throughout the day. It was almost overpowering the pain you initially felt in your stomach. But you comfort yourself, thinking there’s always next year.

A ding from your phone was heard. Weakly, you opened it, a message from Jungkook popped up

jungkook: you wont come with us? :(

jungkook: get well soon :((

jungkook: I’ll miss u so so much over here :(((

A small smile graced your face at his message. It’s crazy how his little message able to cheer you up.

y.n: yup, this sucks so bad, and im crying myself to sleep

y.n: thank you

y.n: I’ll miss you too :(((

So Jungkook sent you updates from time to time throughout the trip. He’d tell you about the activities he did that day. Or sometimes he’d send videos if something interesting happened. He’d send you pictures of him that he took with your other friends.

Those updates from him became your highlight of your day when he was away, it brought a smile to your face every time. Even that time he whined to you how his flight back home got delayed due to bad weather, and you chuckled while comforting him.

In return, you’d send him some updates on what you were doing, despite it being less interesting than his. He’d cheer you up and joked around with you, and it made you giggle every time.

And you realised. You had totally become enamoured by him.

—

One of the thing you hated was your tendency to get nervous mid chatting with him. You got insecure that you’d bore him out. And in return you’d leave him hanging, before answering a little while later, giving him excuses. 

But you were scared. And you were insecure. And these thing made you do irrational things. And as time passed by, your nervousness made you ignore him altogether. You kept on pushing it, “I’ll answer him later” with that thought in your mind, but in fact you return the message much much later. And you hated yourself for that.

Because of that bad tendency, you found the distance between him and you started being more obvious and you hate it. You wanted to go back to the old good times, but you didn’t know how.

Is it even normal to get jealous at seeing how your other friends in the club still able to hang out with him even after graduating? Is it even normal to get jealous and curious to see him with other girls? He wasn’t even yours to begin with. He wasn’t yours to begin with and yet here you are, feeling jealous.

And you hated it. You hated it even more knowing that it was your own self that brought you into this situation. You want to rekindle your relationship with him but you don’t know how.

— 

It took you quite a while, but you finally did. You heard from others that he’s now moving away for university. And it’s far. A pang in your heart was felt. You grew more desperate. And your desperation was what moved you to texted him after a long time.

y.n: jungkook

y.n: heard you’re moving to Germany? :((

Not long later, a ding was heard from your phone, and you grew nervous.

jungkook: yeah

jungkook: I’m going this Sunday :(

You swore your heart stopped. You wanted to cry. 

y.n: is that so????

y.n: that’s really around the corner oh my god?

y.n: im going to miss you so much :(

For some reason, you felt the sudden urge to confess your feeling to him. Call it desperation, but it is desperation that might pushed you. The desperation you felt was also your confidence to finally spill the feeling you’ve been feeling for him.

y.n: I just… I have to admit something

He had yet to answer. And for a moment you chickened out. And you pressed unsend option on the message, heart beating fast.

jungkook: I saw you unsent something

jungkook: what were you going to say?

Your heart stopped. You swore it did. You bite your lower lip out of nervousness. Fingers shaking as you contemplate on what to do. But you realised it’s now or never.

y.n: it’s just… I have to admit something

y.n: call me crazy… but I feel the need to tell you this, because you deserve to know, and it’s now or never but… I like you, for a long time now. I know I’m late, and you don’t have to answer this, but I just feel the need to let you know that I like you. ofc you don’t have to reciprocate it, it’s totally fine, but if you ever did… then I’d like to thank u?

y.n: but I also want you to know that I treasure our friendship so much and it’s so important to me because you’re also the best of a friend that anyone could ever ask for :)

You pressed send. Heart beating fast against the cage. You saw him typing something, nervously waiting for his reply.

jungkook: wow… 

jungkook: I dont know what to say…

jungkook: but did you know that I liked you too?

And just like that, your eyes widened. You couldn’t believe what you were reading. 

y.n: you did???

jungkook: I did… but I was too much of a coward to tell you…

jungkook: you’re far more impressive than i am for finding the courage… whoa…

Reading his messages, you scowled, a pout formed on your face.

y.n: ARE YOU KIDDING ME

y.n: JUNGKOOK

y.n: jungkook come on, it really is a what could have been situation..

y.n: but… there’s no way that you didn’t know that I like you though… I made it quite obvious that I do

You waited for his reply still with a pout on your face.

jungkook: I do, you were being obvious

jungkook: and I liked it 

jungkook: look, I hope you don’t avoid me just because you confessed okay? :(

jungkook: I like talking with you, so if you avoid me… I’d come back and I will not hesitate to scold you.

You chuckled. You might missed the chance, but for some reason, you were just glad that you confessed your feeling. For some reason, you were rather happy that you finally told him how you felt.

y.n: how could you?! SCOLD ME? After leaving me???

y.n: so you’ll come back here to scold me? not to take me on a date?

It was a joke, you meant that as a joke and to teased him.

jungkook: are you tempting me?

jungkook: how about this friday? are you free?

[yojeongin]

EVOL — DELETED/BEHIND THE SCENES

→club pres!renjun x publicity officer!reader

genre: social media au, humor, fluff, slow burn, romance, slice of life, future angst, coming of age, college au

m.list | previous

1. this was when mark and yn would constantly flirt on the tl and were getting annoyed at lhc targeting them

2. after constantly hanging out with renjun aki was going through it

3. Idk where I was going to put this I don’t remember but it just adds to how they struggled when in hs but had each other ; it has the “and that’s messed up because you know english wasn’t my first language. what? you want to send me back for ELE?” sound

4. fawking tumblr glitched and deleted the paragraph but since 127 was having their seoul concert in december and since yn is a big 127 stan I wanted to incorporate into the story line as a small change but when I did the map it would ruin the tl cause it was too late </3

4. fawking tumblr glitched and deleted the paragraph but since 127 was having their seoul concert in december and since yn is a big 127 stan I wanted to incorporate into the story line as a small change but when I did the map it would ruin the tl cause it was too late </3

5. boss era appreciation plus I was going to do it once they found out renjun knew jaehyun all along and yn was going to reply with ‘I’m so miserable’ while crying about it to mark on messages

6. haknyeon teasing beomgyu, I thought it was cute lol

7. just some cute interactions I was bored in class and did these lol. supposed to say ‘cock’ but i was too lazy to correct it btw

8. messy evil renjun lol I found it funny

9. this one yn was hanging out with her friends so renjun was being dramatic about not being with her and in true renjun fashion he runs to jaedo to get her attention, my clingy lil renjun lol. it cut off in the second pic but it was sumn along “go play with your friends” and him telling sicheng they had class so they made a deal in which renjun goes to hang with his brother and his colleagues/friends if he paid for dinner

10. I thought this one back in december as an ode to htgtb (despite my great hatred towards it) but I wanted the lil parallel or at least spiderman to give them that one similarity since the movies came out whenever I started writing each au. I was going to add it to the epilogue but as you all know, it would not make sense at all

11. chenle facts: chenle is head of the film club and does work study in school’s radio station. his major is specifically centered in tv media and radio. the radio station was only used to report news to students but he took charge and ended up creating his own segment getting high rankings within some specific majors (anything in the liberal arts + design/fine arts majors) the name of his segment (volcano’s nerve) stems from the album title ‘el nervio del volcan’ by caifanes a mexican rock band from the 80/90s. it’s not spoken throughout the story but chenle is big in exploring bands from any country. In addition to this, he was supposed to be more angry and only had a soft spot for jisung but him being an ass to his friends in a teasing way sounded better

12. chenji’s makeout creek: makeout creek is a duo band formed by chenle and jisung in which chenle is the vocalist and jisung as the bassist. the name comes from a mitski album called ‘bury me at makeout creek’ jisung is a big mitski stan so thank him. the band was started to help the both grow as musicians especially since jisung is a music theory major + performing at guerilla stakes has helped them get connections

13. speaking of guerilla stakes, that’s the concert hall/bar where jaehyun meets his future band (which he only performs with during his free time) contras, the place, the atmosphere, and the people he meets help him ease from the stress of being an idol and how harder it gets the more 127 becomes more popular. this is all for a future jaehyun fic that has been in the works since last year so don’t worry much about it bc I’m not nearly done and evol took 2 years to finalize so let’s not get hung up on it. also due to the nature of these two bands performing in the same place, you’ll expect to see evol characters once jaehyun’s fic is up (which again let’s not focus on due to how long I take for a single fic)

14. yn facts: this is only lightly touched upon a few times but yn is one of those personal/troll accs. she has in the past said anything to rial fandoms up and even her own fandom for the sake of giggles to get back at them for shit talking 127 (☠️) hence why her and jeno are similar since he tends to get ratiod for pissing off fandoms that get him restricted often. was it not bc she also likes all of jaemin’s faves she would’ve already had a bigger twt feud with him

15. aki… I was not going to make him pine after her at all I was just going to make him a friend similar to mark BUT by the time I was rewriting this, a guy in one of my classes kept trying to talk, hang, and flirt overall and it was making me uncomfortable the way he makes yn so I projected that onto him except for the fact that the guy in my classes still irks me and makes me uncomfortable so she’s being nicer in not completely hating him at the beginning ☠️ I didn’t add this but his progress is getting over her failed and every time he sees them or someone talking about them, he has a full fit crying and throwing up

16. my meow meow yangyang ☹️ since yn is a chronically internet person deep into the kpawp fandom I wanted her to have an internet friend and I found yangyang to be the perfect person for that. he’s an ode to all my closest moots. she met him through their mutuals in a gc and ended up becoming the closest despite being quite different from each other but his cats helped. huge tmi but she helped him figure out safe ways to become un-constipated that helped the friendship even more

17. mark’s departure: on the first draft of why mark wasn’t part of the group and was a sensitive topic was bc dnyl had a rule where they couldn’t date and he broke that rule by dating a girl he hid from the club and when the guys found out it was going to be a corny lil argument scene that made no sense at all and would be too stupid plus he was going to lash out on them and they would be the hurt ones which would leave jaemin with huge trust issues and fear of change but the rules I had set for the club at the beginning sounded dumb and I did NOT like that ☠️ like they wouldn’t let girls in and it was a close knit club so they really wouldn’t have let anyone join in general. mark was the founder again, haechan had just gotten rejected and jisung had experienced his first heartbreak.

18. speaking of dnyl! this has also been brushed upon throughout the story but hadn’t been cleared. lhc was created by xime as just like ceena she had been pining after jeno with the exception that she actually liked jeno but he kept rejecting her and she couldn’t take no as an answer and he lost it when she tried to join the club to just keep being stuck with and he told her off so that’s when she created lhc as a way to fight against him and the guys which is so ☠️

19. chenle’s movie plot: the plot is basically renjun and reader leaving clues for each other like they’ve seen each other around the laundromat they flirt and flirt through puzzles and letters until the final one where they see it’s each other and meet at the photobooth where they kiss. chenle hates it, he absolutely hates the plot but he needed a plot and anything that would put him near producers to secure at least an internship. Ik the plot isn’t clear but that’s what was on my notes lol

20. beomgyu’s hatred towards yangyang actually stems bc of yn 😭 my pookie was actually really jealous of yangyang at the beginning bc despite him being her internet friend he knew her longer than beomgyu and mark was already pushing it so for yangyang to come along again— it was ruining him. chenle doesn’t count bc he knows jisung is chenle’s best friend. his most recent hatred for yangyang seems to be kind of a tom and jerry type of relationship, yangyang is jerry btw

21. haknyeon was supposed to be more ditzy and innocent, an angel if you’d like to call him but I though him and keni being a mischievous duo was more entertaining than having him be the voice of reason bc quite honestly that would’ve just separated him from group knowing well they’re all up for some chaos

22. controversial but on the second rewrite/plot (never posted) yeonjun actually played a big role 😬… he was going to come to town and be included to group activities bc beomgyu’s mom forced him to (yes even in their 20s) yeonjun was going to develop a crush on yn and he’d wouldn’t act upon it bc beomgyu’s was very vocal about not wanting his family and friends to be romantically involved because he didn’t want to choose between family and friends especially cause yeonjun always got involved with any of beomgy’s past friends and he was tired of it. mainly because he would always choose his brother over any of his friends despite how much he loved them and when it came to yn it was going to be more difficult to let her go.

after the december happenings, yn and renjun were going to have an actual argument to the point he made her not feel loved after all they went through together and they felt perplexed because she truly liked him so much but he felt betrayed because she hid something big like his close friend and his future lover hiding a friendship between them and the guy who ruined his trust in love so he would run away from yn and they wouldn’t interact for the winter break and she would vent to yeonjun because he just caught her in a vulnerable moment and she confessed that she was confused with renjun all along because they hung out a lot and it felt like dates but he never said they were and yeonjun took the opportunity to make a move and he offered to take her to a mock date because he was aware she really liked renjun anyways besides that it was going to end with yeonjun actually taking her first kiss and the two promising to hide it from beomgyu because they didn’t want him to have a breakdown but renjun caught them when he was going to apologize.

so going off from that— I hated it!! no reason to involve yeonjun when aki was already there and it was really fucked up for her to kiss yeonjun when she really liked renjun plus I wanted to emphasize that renjun HAD to be her first in everything. her first boyfriend her first time and her first kiss, this is important to the final product

23. the original plot: originally yn would try to join both groups but she was supposed to be really close friends with lhc :( she was supposed to like all of them even xime aki and vero they were actually much tolerable in the original plot but besides that yn was still going to help markhyuck sneak around since evol didn’t like mark after he shit talked them but hyuck couldn’t let him go as they had an extensive history of being friends so she helped them in exchange for kpop albums (☠️) plus she found the little rush funny. she met mark through writers club and he would introduce her to hyuck that’s how they’d become friends form then on she was supposed to be in a film class with renjun and they were the ones supposed to make a film project for the class but she was more blunt about her feelings and instantly would confess to markhyuck that she found his attractive. bc of how much hyuck and her would hang out on this plot Renjun was going to take advantage of her friendship and try to get info out of her regarding why she hung out with hyuck all the time cause jaemin and him were convinced hyuck started secretly dating yn and from then on they would follow the other two eventually lhc would have the same idea bc of the same reasons and would follow her around but bc Renjun had put much effort into getting info out of her he ended up learning about her and falling for her and bc a rule in lhc is to not date either they would have a secret relationship it’d be fine at first but eventually they would find yn mark and hyuck together and from then it would cause an argument within dnyl and renjun to feel perplexed cause he really liked her and finding out she hid that from him made it worse because he would be a hypocrite considering he was dating her in secret so he was no better than mark (again the reason he left in the original plot is stupid). that’s where I left it off I didn’t really find a solution not an ending to this plot it just stopped at the climax. I do remember renjun and yn getting caught on a date and jaemin had a breakdown bc it reminded him of the happenings with mark and he was scared renjun was going to destroy his feelings like mark did and end up abandoning them as well.

that’s it for these behind the scenes and delete d scenes! the file I had all the notes got deleted somehow so these are all from extra files I had or could recover and from what I remember from the top of my head :/ thank you sm for sticking around this long!

taglist: @resceluwu @ellie-idk-anymore @hyunsbunny @aminihhj @flower-lise @eggoyu @haknyeonsju @eboyjuni @nshitae @daegalfangirl @luvdroids @samsemsame @haechansgfreal @butterfliesinthenightsky @lyleo @jiye0n0 @haechansittinginatree @dojun00 @baekhyunstruly @cwsana @fylithia @artspling @yutashotaro @rynshyuckies @babyjenono @yeonjunisbetterthanyou @runawayreki @kosmiks @bigtittietoji @dandelionxgal @diestheticu @scoups-of-sugar @onlyjenos @john-joong @renjunniex @becoolgirl @vantxx95 @hrjchive @karaxomb @carayat @fullsunld @meltinghershey @brightestmark

[dorkshadows]

OK I WANTED TO REPLY TO SOME OF YOUR TAGS- this is sneakydraws btw- 1st of all im super happy you liked the ao lie comic and THAT YOU CAUGHT THE PONYTAIL=DRAGONTAIL PARALELL- i wanted to make it more obvious but i couldn’t fit it into the space SO IT’S LOWKEY SURPRISING IT STILL CAME ACROSS... 2nd of all don't EVER think i (or FLB for that matter) could ever get sick of your tags!!! they're so lovely to see!!! if anything we worry that all this fanart is overwhelming, it's a lot i know 😭and finally since you expressed your... intrigue... at the phrase ‘cats hs au’ it’s. it’s a hs au of the characters from the cats musical. as in the og stage musical. which FLB was briefly obsessed with last year and got me into as well. the entire thing is on my blog under the ‘cats hs au’ tag and it’s actually fairly long 😭😭😭idk why the shit she shows me has to be the weirdest most obscure thing 90% of the time but i usually end up loving it so i can’t complain can i!!! ANYWAY im still recivering from ch16 but thank you for your service the western 17jttw fandom is literally like 4 people and yet we have this amazing fic thanks to you!!! xoxo

Hi Hi!! Thanks so much for the message- sorry it took a while to reply! (and I'll be replying your ao3 comments over the weekend!!) I loved the Ao Lie comic. Ah, so glad I wasn't imagining the dragontail thing! It was deliberate and I can't thank you enough :D It came across perfectly imo

I'm really glad you guys aren't annoyed by the long tags! I try to be as detailed as possible because I know how long drawings take (or maybe you guys are geniuses who do 5-second drawings, but it still deserves the appreciation), and getting art of my humble fic is honestly one of the best gifts an author can receive :'D And I needed to let you guys know that I 100% notice and appreciate every detail you put into them. (And no, not overwhelming at all! The opposite of overwhelming! I feel absolutely spoiled by your lovely art and no joke, it's one of the things keeping me motivated throughout the weeks, the possibility of seeing your arts!)

For some reason, I thought the cats HS au was going to be a crack jttw x cats!the musical/movie high school au XD I'm so glad you and FLB vibe on everything- having a friend to share a braincell with you is the best feeling. There is so much power in the obscure and niche asdfasdf It forces you to embrace the inner weirdo. Best of luck on your cats hs au! (love that you specified the stage musical and not the cgi film LOL)

Hope the rest of Act 2 is treating you well ;) And ahh, it's my pleasure. When I first started posting that fic, there were virtually no readers (I vividly remember receiving my first comment on ch. 6, and my sworn bro earl supporting me by reviewing the one and only platonic chapter involved! #loveyoubro) but for once in my life, that didn't stop me LMAO Suntang took over my soul like nothing else ever had that year (and it continued through 2018, and would have continued if not for the pandemic alas), and I kept publishing anyway. I regret nothing!

Seriously an honor to know you enjoy the fic, and thank you for your service to our 17!fandom of +/- 4. And hopefully I can finally finish the fic up in the near future!

[mldliner]

ooo here are a couple things i wish i knew before/during my freshman year in hs!! p.s. this was based on my experience as a freshman and could be completely different for you!! 

don’t compare yourself to others: yes, you probably think that this is or at least should be common knowledge, but to some people (me for example) it’s kinda hard to prevent. i think that it was difficult, for me at least, to not do this because i was in a class with people, who some might consider the smartest in our class/grade.

this kinda contradicts with the first thing i said but you won’t always be the best in your class: and that’s okay. i know that this is going to make me sound like such a narcissistic person but back in middle school, in nearly all of my classes, i was the “smart one”.. but once high school rolled around and the classes got harder and the people taking the courses were 1. more devoted and 2. smarter, you start to question your “smart-one persona (i guess you could say)”

take breaks: and a lot of them. if you’re up for several hours studying and/or cramming for a huge test or your midterm, breaks will be your best friend. it has been proven that breaks will help you do so many things, improve attention for example. you could use your phone for a short period of time, grab a snack, stretch, go on a run/walk, and LITERALLY so many more things!!

attend school events: i personally found this to be quite challenging to be honest (and i considered myself a social person!!) sport and spirit culture, if that’s what you’d even call it, were and still are such an important thing at my school.. i went to one football game, my entire freshman year, and it was one of the best nights of my life, if i’m being completely honest!! if sports aren’t really your thing, attend pep rallies if they aren’t mandatory (at my school they were but most people just skipped them), walk-arounds too (i’m not sure if this is just at my school but in the mornings before the pep rallies, the “spirit leaders” or lion keepers as my school would call them, would lead small walk arounds throughout the entire school with the band playing and the drill team and cheerleaders behind them.. i never went to these because they were always sooo early!!) go to choir, band, and orchestra concerts, go to the dances (if there are any), try to be at all the events and see if they’re something you’d be interested in doing some other time.

you won’t always be/stay friends with the people from your previous school: i kinda learned this the hard way to be honest (⌣_⌣”) summer is long and people are bound to change!! some during summer and some throughout the year. sometimes you lose interest in the things that made you bond with that person and you naturally fade. or sometimes, drama could be the (messy) ending factor of a relationship/friendship. you can’t force anyone to stay friends with you. if that’s the way the cookie crumbles, then let it crumble. (this sounds really harsh but it’s the truth)

relationships aren’t necessary: in my opinion at least!! i believe know that freshman year is the foundation of your future. as one of my teachers put it, you can’t build a house on a rocky foundation or else it’ll all come crumbling down, so why would you do it to your education.. i know, i know. i sound like such a parent when i say this but worrying about a boy or a girl shouldn’t be your main priority. focusing on your s/o changes things a lot, your grades will start slipping (if you aren’t careful) and the friendships prior to entering said relationships will begin to change. (i’m saying this because i saw it happen with to friend)

a couple bad grades won’t kill you OR your gpa: i was used to always getting high a’s and the occasional b but once the courses began getting harder and the workload grew, this began to change. b’s began to frequent and then the occasional c occurred. the first thing i would immediately think about was my gpa.. “does this drop my rank?” and “will this ruin my chances of getting accepted into ____?” and the fact of the matter is.. it won’t! asking to re-do the assignment is always an option and extra credit is also one too. a tip a senior gave me at orientation was always ask for extra credit!! it helped out so much throughout the year!

get to know your teachers: this not only helped me get out of sticky situations (several times) but it makes you feel good overall! shake their hand and introduce yourself to them on the first day of school (they’ll remember that, my biology teacher told me this on the last day of school) ask them questions (but don’t make them too personal!!) things like”what’s your favorite color?”, “what are 3 things you would take if you were stranded on an island?”, etc. also be polite!! i absolutely hate it when students are rude to teachers just for attention or because they think it makes them look cool.. news flash, it doesn’t.

no one is pressuring you into doing drugs or drinking alcohol: if it ever does happen (on your own personal terms btw!!) please please please control yourself. set boundaries. know who you are with, where you’re at, and what exactly it is your doing..

i could literally add so many more things to this list but these are some of the ones that came to mind first!! feel free to add to this list and send me a message if you ever feel the need to talk or even for more advice!! <33

[shintorikhazumi]

“Asters Again”

A/N: OH MY GOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I Know, I know. Khazumi-san is out for the count... but I’m back... even if... I don’t know how to write anymore. But.. GUys/......... AHHHH... 700 follows are too nice for someone like me T-T... THANK YOU. I can’t even- so please, do enjoy this? I don’t know... is this even good or worth it? But please o enjoy. NOrmal HS setting, btw. Dianakko and... let’s go!

Enjoy?

~Shintori Khazumi

-------------------------

Asters…

Simple little common flowers. Nothing too special.

They grew in schools or backyard gardens, maybe along roadsides and such, ever blooming in the spring and symbolizing love… a patient one.

“As her love has been with me.” A blonde spoke alone in her room as she looked at the clock ticking its time for her. “It’s about time I go fetch her… again… huh.”

Placing down a single white aster on the hard wood table, she left the room in graceful silence.

--------------------------- 

Akko sighed for the umpteenth time as she twirled a single flower, an aster that she picked from somewhere, between her index finger and thumb, humming out a random tune out of sheer boredom.

As a member of the gymnastics club, it was expected of her to be practicing at this time, but it seemed as if, she- the club’s ace, had been kicked out. Again.

“‘Take a breather’… they said, ‘some fresh air’. Really… I don’t need those.” Akko sighed, staring at each of the delicate white petals of the dainty little plant.

Tiny rays of light blanketed the entire area in beauty, as far as Akko could see in her little corner of the world, up in Luna Nova Academy’s great “Jennifer Memorial Tree” around the back of the school. It was a tall, sturdy tree that symbolized the strength, sturdiness and resilience of the school throughout the years.

Now, it had become a calming place for Akko, somewhere she could collect her thoughts and clear her mind, away from all the expectations, the angry teachers and just… everything. She had first discovered it when she became a freshman, hiding from the stifling nature of school and of bullies and of pressure from being someone quite renown as an athlete. Here, this was her place.

It was her little calming paradise.

And her gaze reunited with the little white flower in her hand. Twirling it, she smiled, catching a glimpse of the time on her wrist watch. “Have I been gone too long again?” She asked the flower, humming into its star-like petals. It seemed as if her quality stays here always made her lose track of time.

With a chuckle at an amusing thought that just entered, a reminder brought about by the fact that, again, she had taken far too long, she kissed the yellow center of the flower, taking in its fragrance and smiling at it almost lovingly as it reminded her of someone she knew all-too-well. She loved asters. They were her favorites. She loved that person too, she was her favorite.

“She’ll be here any minute to pick me up… again.”

“So this is where I find you…. Once again, Miss Kagari, not that it is much of a surprise.” Spoke a stern voice, cold as ice that suddenly took a turn for warmer ground. “You have always been quite fond of it.”

‘Speak of an angel…’ Akko dared not think ‘devil’ as it was the farthest thing from this lady’s existence.

The presence of another student became known to Akko as she merely smiled, eyes still closed as she leaned against the trunk, propped upon a high branch.

“Diana.”

She didn’t even need to look to confirm that it was indeed the student council president, arms crossed over her chest in a strict pose, but an amused smile playing on her lips.

“Kagari-san.”

“Mou! Dianaaaaa… Call me Akko! At least! Do I have to remind you over and over again? Sheesh, after we’ve known each other our whole high school lives! Still so cold. Tch.” Akko clicked her tongue in false irritation. Diana knew this. “Please? Call me Akko?”

“And if I refuse?” As much as Diana was a prideful thorn in Akko’s side (note that it was before, before, okay!), Akko knew that this was one of the many reasons she loved, yes, LOVED, Diana Cavendish. Ever since she first picked her up in this exact same situation.

Falling of the branch in one flowing motion, yet falling on her feet perfectly, Akko brushed her gym uniform off and sauntered over to her best friend with a grin, the blonde having a hand over her heavily beating heart.

“You know those scare me!” She exclaimed, slapping Akko’s shoulder as she referred to the way Akko got down from the tree. This was such a common occurrence, but as much as it happened again and again, it seemed as though Diana never got over the fear that something might happen to Akko one day, some day. And Akko had to reassure Diana that it would be fine each and every time.

With a small laugh, and a sheepish grin settling into place, Akko apologized, tucking a stray strand of hair behind Diana’s ear. “Sorry, sorry, Madame President.” She joked, hand lingering on Diana’s face for a tad too long. She must have noticed this, and Diana did as well, eyes staring into Akko’s with a confused tint in their color.

Pulling away her hand, but not before leaving a tiny present there, Akko smiled softly, admiring her handiwork.

Diana was so beautiful… in this one moment, basking in the rays of the late afternoon sun, close to Akko as possible, clean and pure, just like an aster. Dainty and looking as she might break under her yearning touch, Akko softly relished in the sight of the person who had her heart.

The Diana she thought could be quite unnerving. A stifling, cold Cavendish that made her feel so warm with so many encounters. A beautiful Diana. A Diana… A Diana she loved.

She continued to stare with a single thought in mind.

‘I love you.’

-------------------

She felt it right away, a flower… an aster. She knew it was one since Akko loved these and had been playing with one earlier as far as Diana knew.

The single aster tucked behind Diana’s ear suited her far more than any flower Akko knew of, that she had to admit as she was also fond of them.

“Beautiful.” She heard her classmate mutter a compliment, causing the Cavendish to blush shades of red as she looked away for a single moment before turning her gaze up to equally red orbs. Maybe it was a sudden realization to her since she felt so surprised at it. Had she been so busy in the council these past three years to ever see this growing distance between her friend and herself?

“These three years have certainly been kind to you, Kagari Atsuko.” She murmured as quiet as she could, but was still heard.

“Huh?”

“Oh!” Embarassed at speaking her thoughts out loud, Diana clarified. “I mean, you’ve… you’ve certainly grown taller than me during our stay here, huh, Kagari-san.”

“Huh, oh.” She must have noticed as she hummed in contemplation, before realizing something. “Call me Akko-“

“I’m pleasantly surprised.” Diana spoke, cutting her off before she felt the need to return to her comfort zone, stepping back a bit.

“Diana…?” As if the sudden loss of space made her feel cold. Akko wrapped her arms around herself and rubbed her arms.

Diana knew she and Akko had been standing too close. Checking her watch as an escape route from her disconcerting emotions, she let out an awkward laugh. “Oh, the time! We really should be going. You, back to your club and I to my mee- eeeii!!”

She yelped suddenly- quite the unladylike sound as she felt herself pulled back in and against a raging thrum of a heart that was most certainly not hers as the beating of her own internal organ wasn’t that fast, and last time she checked, her heart was not located beside her ear.

“Diana.”

Swallowing that huge lump in her throat wasn’t easy for Diana, as she felt a hand cup her chin and made her confront a face she had grown all to accustomed to.

‘Oh no, not this again.’

“Diana I… I… Diana you know-!” Both of them were nervous, that the president was certain of. Akko’s gaze wavered, yet the fire in them never died down, not even weakened. “I-I! I know you must be thinking… ‘this again?’ and maybe you’re tired of this… oh no… what if I’m annoying you with this… Diana, sorry, but-!”

“Akko.”

“!”

“I… for all the times I’ve told you… and I know I’ve turned you down so many times.” Diana knew this was a confession. Another one from Akko. Yes she had more than enough of them from others, and turning them down wasn’t as hard as turning down Akko’s were. “I always tell you, right? I need to finish my studies…focus on them. I need… to get my act together, so to speak… first and foremost.”

She looked at Akko, nodding at her like a puppy, hanging on her every word, knowing she was being turned down again, yet still with a hopeful glint in her ruby reds.

“The truth is… I’m simply scared.” She saw the confusion in Akko’s eyes and decided to elaborate. “I know I have the power to control my life. I know I can keep it steady, even in a relationship. But… I’m scared… of what people will say. I’m scared… of my family… everyone I know, and who know me… I’m scared… of you.”

Diana knew she was laying herself bare, but somehow, in her heart, she knew this had been going on for too long and Akko needed some answer lest Diana only be taking advantage of her genuine feelings.

And also… Diana knew she felt the same as Akko felt for her. It was just so unfair.

----------------------

“I’m scared… of you.”

The words made Akko think of an aster again. Even in that situation, Diana was certainly an aster in her eyes.

Of elegant upbringing, and like a star, Akko love her with a patience unexplained. Currently… Diana was so dainty, looking fragile and soft as she shook with insecurity, a hand grasping Akko’s arm.

“Diana… ne…” At the call of her name, the heiress seemed to look away, and the fear Akko could plainly see in the girl, wounded her. She hurt for Diana. Diana… ne…” She felt a prick in the corners of her eyes as Diana rejected looking into her eyes. “Diana! Ne! Look at me!”

With both hands, Akko cupped Diana’s face with all the gentle strength she could manage and made Diana see her, in her equally weak state, laying bare her mutual feelings.

“Diana…” Akko murmured, tears escaping their strongholds as Akko bumped their foreheads together gently, smiling a sad smile. “I’m scared too.”

She heard the blonde gasp as she pulled her into a hug, but in this moment, Akko knew that this might be the last chance she could do something like this. The seasons were changing, the summer ending. Soon, the seniors would be busy with exams and applications. She’d have to quit the club too. Elections would take place and Diana would no longer be Miss President.

There would be no instance like this anymore. If Akko had no club, she wouldn’t need to be kicked out. Sure she could still hang around this area, but Diana only came here at the request to pick Akko up. If Akko had no reason to be picked up, would Diana still come? Without reason?

So now was a time to clear things up, Akko knew that much.

Holding Diana at arm’s length, Akko spoke words she had spoken again and again, under the same tree, in this situation, at this time.

“Diana, I Love You! Again, every day, I do! I love you.” Diana noded, knowing this like a one-plus-one equation. “But I’m scared!” Akko searched for Diana’s hand and took it in her own, placing a kiss on it, before entwining their fingers. “Just like you… hehe.”

Despite all things, maybe being labelled as an idiot even, Akko knew what Diana feared. She feared them too.

“Diana I’m scared of your family too, who knows how much haha… everyone I know, you know-and who know you and me… and of course,” Akko planted a chaste kiss on Diana’s forehead. “I’m scared… of you.”

“I’m so-“

“Diana…” Akko called and it made the girl silent as she waited for the next words to come from those lips.

“Yes?”

“Thanks… for calling me by my name earlier.” Akko grinned as Diana burned in embarrassment, Akko ruffling her hair a bit and nuzzling it. “Dainty and fragrant like a flower, an aster. Diana.”

“Wh-what.. what!”

“You are my aster.” Akko said with a wink before pulling away and out of reach as Diana tried to smack her again.

“You-you! You can be so embarrassing!” Diana whined, uncharacteristic of her, as she tried to give chase and Akko laughed as she watched the girl run as fast as her legs could to catch the clearly quicker Akko.

“Am I? But don’t you love that about me- hiii! Close…” Akko exclaimed when Diana’s wrathful palms came in near-contact with her. Despite her saying Diana as dainty and frail-looking, she packed a punch, this princess.

“I- I never sai-“

Akko knew of one way to stop the assault of the Diana who was trying to catch her. Catch that Diana.

With the princess safely in her grasp, Akko tightened her hold from behind as she felt Diana relax against her, hands covering Akko’s around her waist.

“Diana?”

“Hmm? Whatever is the matter… Akko?” Smiling at the sound of her name, Akko kissed the strands of white, nuzzling into them as she held Diana just a few moments more.

“Like the asters…”

“Like the asters?” When there was no response from the person behind her, Diana called out. “Akko?”

“Tell me you love me first~” Akko knew that threw her best friend off, as she heard a protest of ‘why and what’ and ‘finish what you start, idiot’.

“I… I love you.” But still complying all the same, Akko nearly cried, her words no longer relevant as all thoughts ceased in her mind.

It was the first time Diana said I love you to her.

“Akko? Geez, what is up-“ Seeing Diana panicky was also cute, Akko thought. “Why are you crying?!” She said, hastily digging into her pocket as she found a handkerchief and dabbed it against Akko’s face.

“It’s just…”

“Just?”

The chime of the school’s bell broke that magical moment, and again Akko wasn’t able to say more words.

“Time for us to go!” Akko giggled, sniffling a bit before taking Diana’s hand in hers and treading down the backyard path.

“Akko? Just what? Like the asters what?” The brunette could clearly here the exasperation in Diana’s voice, but chose to ignore it, teasing the girl.

“Maybe you should stick around for the answer and wait~.” She teased.

Diana said ‘I love you’ finally. And like all the other instances, Akko was determined to make her do it again. And again. And again. No matter how many times it took, no matter how long it took.

Like the asters…

My love for you will be a patient one.

A/N: WOW DID THAT SUCK. WEll... I’m... I’ve prob lost my touch... so... Ciao?

I’m SOWWWYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

~Shintori Khazumi

[lesbianstarlightglimmer]

hey hi guess who wants to die?

my asshole of a father is wearing me thin. i came home at dinner and we always talk about how school went that day and i had my day interrupted countless times by either 1.) my mom getting upset my youngest brother for messing w the cat at the dinner table 2.) my dad yelling at him for same reason 3.) one or both of my brothers ‘jokingly’ complaining about how long me talking about my day is and so on. my youngest brother decided the entire meal he was just gonna ignore what he was told to do and thus got his phone taken away. 

all the yelling and fighting made my other brother stressed so he took a drive through the neighborhood. before we got ready for bed my dad asked him why he was feeling stressed and he said the fighting was stressing him and i chipped in (because it happens every fucking time im home) saying it stressed me out too and how its chaos every time i come home.

my dad informed all three of us we had no reason to be stressed bc we’re not parents and how its ‘optional’ i come home on weekends bc i COULD be forced to pay rent AND THEN he said that the ‘so called chaos you feel when you get home is caused by you’

fuck. you. you worthless abusive piece of shit. ive wanted to die like 7 times this week alone and fridays not even over and this bullshit aint helping. im not the one shrieking at the youngest brother every other second bc hes doing whatever bc he never went through the bullshit i did that made me the timid soldier fucked up ass i am today

you know what? i dont come home for my fucked up family. i come home to get away from school, eat food thats different from the same 5 fucking things they have to eat there that doesnt make me sick, and to see my cats. i cant spend more than maybe 30 mins before i wall myself up in my room until i leave because they stress me out so badly

AND THEN THIS ABSOLUTE BASTARD had the nerve to say how i never thank my mom for doing laundry/cooking/cleaning/etc. OH HO DO NOT GO THERE! whos the one complaining about how the foods not the right temperature or that its not what he wanted to eat or wasnt at the time he wanted? whos the one who gets mad when she gets home from work bc something didnt get done that HE could have done? 

Now whos the one who went 18 years of her entire life not complaining about how much the taste and texture of sausage makes her gag because she was being grateful her mom cooks? You wonder why i only tell my day to mom? its bc u dont give a fuck. i can hear it in the disinterest or how it becomes a life lesson. i say thank you like 4 times throughout a meal and every load she brings in (oh and btw most of the time im doing my own laundry and i would do it at school except i dont have the soap and stuff) i say thank you. they beat it enough into me and yet im still punished because NOTHING i do is enough for them. but yes I’m the selfish prick

and then they had to bring in how im always alone (wow idk my 2 friends from hs were dead ps im not counting skye bc they dont know about her/tumblr for my safety and hers and my hs friends’) and he used the fucking b*st fr**nd bullshit fuck you fuck you fuck you. and then the ‘i want you to get married and have kids’ FUCK YOU!!!!! you wont want me to if i decide to marry a woman!!!!! i dont wanna have kids bc ill fuck them up like YOU DID ME AND MY BROTHERS.

and then he guilt tripped us by saying how ‘we work our jobs bc we’re paying for what? (directed at me).’ “college” i hiss. “dont you spit it through your clenched jaw” Youre fucking lucky you were on the other side of the room motherfucker ooooooooohmygod. Ohoho and when he ‘opened the floor’ once he was done telling us how shitty we are and how hardworking him and my mom are, he asked if i had anything to say. i wanted to spill all of the above but i cant. i dont have a job bc i can barely get out of bed in the morning for school let alone more of a job than i have now

you know at one point i was grateful for them helping pay for college. now its just a burden bc they hang it over my head whenever i show the slightest (and fair) complaint i have like how i come home and everyone just complains about me, makes me do their jobs for them, the youngest hits me (but oh no thats how boys show love right ‘hE sItS iN uR rOoM wHeN yOuRe GoNe’) or otherwise physically or verbally/mentally abuses me.

i need therapy. i have no time no money and my parents obviously dont give a shit about my mental health period. he even had the audacity to ask if it was ‘something they did’ parenting wise. uh you want the list in fucking alphabetical order or by year or...?

anyways this is long and its passed midnight and they placed a baby monitor outside my door to hear one brother for night terrors so ik they can maybe hear me typing so yeah

[7pastmidnight]

Past Curfew- Chapter 1

author: 7pastmidnight 

summary: senior in hs moving into a new town

genre: horror, thriller, mystery, romance, 18+

warning: smut in later chapters

note: this is my first long fic, so please don’t be too harsh in judgement! i will try to release one chapter a week~ all members will be present along with other JYP artists for added characters. there will be lots of texting dialog throughout the story so I used italics to symbolize it~  I tried to type this quickly so i apologize in advance for any grammatical errors.  I hope you all enjoy it^^

key:

italics = texting

y/a/n your aunts name, 

y/a/l/n your aunts last name

y/u/n your uncles name

    Things have taken a turn for the worst. Everything happened so quickly. It’s been less than a month since your dad divorced your mom and kicked her out along with you. Despite feeling bad for your mom, knowing him, it’s not surprising that he would pull such a stunt. He gave both of you a week to pack everything and find a new place. Your mom decided to move in with her sister in Calistoga, a tiny place about 80 miles north out of your hometown, San Francisco. You have a lot of mixed emotions, you feel a small sense of relief for your mom, but you don’t want to leave your childhood friend Jeongyeon. You lived your whole life with her… you couldn’t imagine her out of the picture like that, especially since you both just started senior year. You send her a text. Everything is packed up, we’re about to drive up there now ☹  You are standing outside the house near your moms car. You look back and take in the thought that, this will probably be the last time you will ever be there. Your mom walks out of the front door with one large box in her hands. She crams the box in the back of her white hatchback without even taking one look back at the house. She says, “Come on honey get in the car.”

  You take one last good look at the house before you turn around and get in the passenger seat. Your mom turns on the ignition and starts driving down the long gravel driveway. You pull out your phone to look at Jeongyeons reply. Take me with you ☹

  My mom said she would take me to visit you sometime since its not that far away. Maybe when I visit I’ll hide in your house lol

  We could totally get away with it too! My mom would let you live here. What is even in Calistoga anyway? Sounds lame

Idk literally nothing. It’s way more rural than San Francisco that’s for sure

  Hey I gotta go I have to get ready for school. Good luck! Text me when you get to your aunts!!

   You look outside at the scenery passing by. You suddenly feel a rush of nostalgia, taking everything in like you’re seeing it for the last time. You can hear your mom softly crying to herself over the music coming from the radio. You know it’s hard on her but you’re not sure how to help so you just leave her be. It was only a little after 7 am, the sun is barely starting to rise. You end up falling asleep on the car ride over to your aunts.

    You wake up about an hour later as your mom pulls up to the front driveway of your aunts. You forgot how huge her rustic estate was. You can see your aunt sitting on a chair on her front patio with her yorkie sitting on her lap. Your mom parks right in front of the stairs leading up to the front porch and your aunt walks down to greet you.

   “Glad you guys made it away from that asshole.” She then turns to you and says, “Sorry you had to hear that hon.” You give a slight shrug and walk over to give her a hug. She hugs you tight and lets you go. Then she looks over to your mom and says, “come here you too.”

   As she lets her go and asks, “Have you all eaten yet? I made some breakfast for you and waffles. “Ooh I love waffles.”

   “Oh no sweetie I meant for us and the dog, waffles, that’s his name.” You look down at the little puffball sniffing at your feet. You let out a small chuckle, “that’s cute.” You look up at your mom and she’s hardly smiling. She looks so exhausted. You walk towards the trunk to start unpacking. “Hold on eat breakfast first while it’s still hot. Come on inside.”  Your mom takes the lead and walks in front of you up the stairs. You look around at the scenery and it’s just what you expected… there is absolutely nothing around you except for the two neighboring houses. You must admit though; the autumn scenery is refreshing compared to the city you were used to. You take out your phone to send pictures to Jeongyeon. As you are taking photos you see from a far a guy leaving one of the neighboring houses wearing a black baseball cap, carrying a backpack. You don’t really think much of it at the time and walk inside.

   You take a step inside and walk down the hallway that leads to the living room. She has some family photos on the wall including picture of her with your uncle. You walk into a wide-open living room with high ceilings. Everything looks so clean and untouched it almost makes you uncomfortable. You find your way to the kitchen where your mom and aunt are sitting down at the table drinking some coffee. You take a seat and help yourself to some eggs and turkey bacon on the table. Your aunt looks to you and says, “Once you’re done eating I’ll take you to the high school to get enrolled, let’s give your mom some time to rest.”

               “Okay, that sounds fine.”

“Are you excited to go to a new school?” Your aunt asked.

“Not really… I hope the school year will go by quickly.”

“Maybe you’ll see some cute boys at school… some better than your dad…”

“y/a/n…” your mom quietly snaps.

“Sorry, I’m just trying to give y/n something to look forward to.”

“How have you been holding up since…?” My mom quietly asked.

  “Since y/u/n died?” she chuckles a bit and says, “I’ll admit it’s been a little lonely, but I’ve been having fun spending his money!” What a typical thing for your aunt to say you think to yourself.

   “That’s how I got little waffles here! I named her after your uncle’s favorite food.” She pauses and says, “I’m actually really glad you’re here. It’s a big house, we need some people besides me waffles and Carol to fill it up.”

“I’m sorry who?”, your mom asks.

   OH I forgot to mention Carol? She’s my maid. She comes up during the weekend to clean the house. I don’t know if you can tell but it looks nice in here because of her. Although I mainly hired her so I could have someone to talk about local gossip with.”, your aunt chuckles.That explains why everything looks uncomfortably clean, you think to yourself.

  “Carol will normally stay here during the weekend. When she’s not cleaning she spends time hanging out at some of the local areas around here. She lives in the city, so I think she likes to get away from it sometimes. I let her stay in a room upstairs until she leaves on Monday mornings. Although I don’t think she’ll be happy to clean up after two more people.” Your aunt chuckles.

Your mom asks, “How long have you had a maid?”

    You quietly keep eating your breakfast as you’re ignoring your mom and aunts banter. You look at your phone to see that Jeongyeon replied. It looks like it sucks there. Miss you at school ☹  btw whos that guy in the pic? He looks kinda creepy How would you know who that guy was? You literally just got here. You assume a neighbor maybe? Still, you felt bad. You and Jeongyeon didn’t really have any other friends than each other, you feel like you practically left her there by herself. Not really knowing what to say you put your phone back in your pocket and stare down at the crumbs on the blue flower trimmed plate you just ate from. Your aunt snaps you out of your trance. “Are you ready hon?”

      “As ready as I’ll ever be.” You reply to Jeongyeon saying idfk who that guy is, he looks shady, but I think he’s my aunts neighbor. UGHHHH I’m about to go enroll into my new school. I haven’t even seen it yet but I already know I’m gonna hate it. But the truth is you are a little excited. You never really made friends at your old high school, maybe this time would be different. You say goodbye to your mom and follow your aunt down the hallway out the front door. The sun is fully out now blinding your tired eyes. You get in your aunt’s white suburban Cadillac. Your uncle must’ve had a lot saved up.

   You two drive down a long winding road before you hit the center of the town. You see a grocery store, a library, a park with a large beautiful fountain in the center. The school is far from your aunts, you’re used to school being in walking distance. At a stop light, you see a sign on a telephone pole “MISSING KIM WONPIL”. The guy looks like he’s about your age too. You sarcastically mumble to yourself, “Oh that’s a good sign. I can’t wait to live around here.”

    “Oh the kids around here can be a little crazy since there’s not a lot for them to do to keep them entertained. It’s probably just a prank since October is around the corner.”

“I can’t wait to meet them all…” you reply very sarcastically.

    You two pull up to the school, it’s kind of large considering this is a small town. You don’t see anyone wondering around the grassy and shady front courtyard. You take that as a sign of relief, that must mean class has started already… you weren’t ready to communicate with anyone just yet. Just as you were about to open the car door this loud black dodge charger quickly pulls up in the space next to you, forcing you to shut the door to avoid getting hit. “WHAT THE FUCK?” you think to yourself, you glare out your aunt’s window to give the driver a mean look, but you were taken aback. This handsome, well built, man with blonde slicked back hair and aviator shades gets out of the car and smirks at you. “UGHHH WHAT A JERK” you think to yourself, but then you hear your aunt say, “oh hi Jackson!” what the fuck?? Your aunt knows this guy?? “WHY?” you think to yourself.

   Jackson yells, “Hey Mrs. y/a/l/n I’m running late for class but I’ll talk to you later! Hope you’ve been well.” He runs into the front doors of the school. You get out of the car and look at your aunt with a puzzled look.

“How do you know that guy??? You ask.

  “Oh, when your uncle first died he helped me with lawn work before I hired help. He’s a good kid, just a little wild sometimes.”

    You couldn’t imagine a guy like that helping your aunt, but you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.  You and your aunt make way up the stairs leading to the front entrance of the school. You walk in expecting for the entrance to be a little extravagant, but you were a little disappointed. This school just looked normal.  Navy colored lockers on both sides of the hallway. No students in the hallway, but there were some missing signs of that kid you saw plastered on the walls. They’re kind of taking it far if it really is a prank. The office was up on your left. Suddenly you felt nervous. You take a deep breath and follow your aunt inside.

    There was an older lady with short red hair wearing gold rimmed reading glasses, typing away eyes glued to a computer. Next to this lady was a young man, he was probably a student aid. You blankly stared at him while he was reading some paperwork. He was wearing a black and white stripped shirt, had slightly messy black hair and big ears. He looked up at you and gave you a gentle smile. Shocked, you turn around and observe the room pretending like you weren’t just staring. There’s hallway behind her desk. You guessed that down the hall were the offices of the principals or counselors. Your aunt walks up to the counter, and says “excuse me?”

   The woman looks up from the screen, “oh my goodness I’m so sorry! I didn’t even notice you walked in! You’re here to enroll y/n right?”

“Yes ma’am we are.” You aunt replied calmly.

   “Here, take a seat.” You take a seat in one of the two chairs facing the desk. You feel super nervous now. You really don’t want to be here.

   “I’m so sorry about that! Here if you could start filling out this paperwork Mrs. y/a/l/n.”

   You start to pull your phone out of your pocket to see if Jeongyeon has replied. You’re not entirely sure why you have to be here for this part.

    “y/n, would you like a tour around the school?” the woman behind the desk asked.

    Before you could answer she says, “Jinyoung, could you show y/n around the school?”

    “Sure…”, he says shyly. He stands up and says, “come on follow me.”, he says in a calm tone.

You get up and nervously glare at your aunt before you walk out into the hall.

[pokefanbri]

https://www.facebook.com/104057744428568/posts/156998459134496/?sfnsn=mo&d=n&vh=e

Fucking told him its a huge red flag if someone doesn't get rid of their apps. Multiple apps. Smh 😠 "oh yea i don't use them anymore" proceeds to use fb dating app" for real come on bro!

Some comments of the post:

"If you have to be checking up on your Partner then you shouldn't be with that person.. Idk how people have time for all this .. love yourself and know your worth.."

"If you're in a serious committed exclusive relationship you should not be on tinder. That's how I met my fiance and as soon as we said we are gf and bf and exclusive we both deleted it. Honestly if I was her I would have broken up with him too"

"a person also has a right to trust their gut feeling and check things out if something's not feeling right. Knowledge is power"

I've already discussed this but this news clip further validates my point of the topic, nothing more. I could call him out on hs bs further with detail, but I won't....yet, out of respect even though he probably doesn't deserve it. Til he reaches me & apologizes for everything he's done, i can say whatever tf I want & i could make a whole damn list.

Its the events of this what happened that started our downfall to begin with cuz i didn't trust him & he didn't even try to gain it back just left it as is when I could've turned my back right then & there, no apology either. Didnt apologize much actually, not even when i last saw him. But from then we spiraled & he got bored of me. I wasn't giving him what he wanted in whatever way & he wanted to find more. Closed himself off from the beginning & that created his boredom 😒

Would've had a blast together like a normal fucking couple if he was less closed off, & wouldn't have felt the need to do shit behind my back.

I'll stop talking about it for now, I have the anger & urge to keep going but I wont...actually no Screw it im pissed 😡 but ill keep it light. Its just not fair, I did so much for him but I was disrespected in different aspects of the whole relationship. Fuck! I've talked about the positives alot cuz i do love him..but the negatives are such bs too.

I want a good ass sincere apology for all of it so I can forgive him & move on, ive already apologized myself even though I dont think I should have to 😒. Didnt even give me a straight answer for the breakup, it was always a different excuse when I know he just wanted to pursue other women without me around im not fucking stupid. His own toxicity was too much even for himself & I was in the line of fire, to where i was the toxic one? No fuck that its unacceptable, he always lied when it came to covering his own ass.

For all i know he's watching me squirm & taking pleasure in all the pain I'm going through over him cuz he likes the attention. But no I actually don't think so on that one he's still good & ill give him credit where its due. But I gave him all the attention he wanted/needed & still wanted more from someone else. Really dude fucking really!?

Man up & own up to your mistakes, speak to me where I can actually hear ur voice speaking back to me with sincerity. We'll apologize together. Yea ull be pissed about this, but after u get over it & calm down. Give in & call me, granted when ur ready, & open up for once in your damn reserved life. Itll help us both with more closure & may even take a weight off our shoulders if we just talk it out, no arguing...since we're done there's no point anyway..a friendly non judgment zone cuz idc, i won't think of u any less.

U confused me during & especially after the relationship cuz i didnt know who u really were, i know the good cuz that's what u allowed me to see, ive accepted the bad that I knew already & from what ive learned...i accepted u regardless.

I always forgave u & not cuz im passive, cuz forgiveness is what the Bible teaches.. ive forgiven u & myself the best i could especially with the last things ive showed u, (accept this part cuz im pissed rn & standing up for myself, ill delete eventually maybe if u ask cuz nobody wants to be seen any less of a person. but I can make it alot worse, calling me the mistake was the worst thing u ever said to me & pointing out your faults so u can be better throughout the relationship was my only toxicity to u) we actually never really fought except the 1 time, just argued a tiny bit rarely about little things.

Ive tried using every ounce of my courage to show u how much im sorry for any wrong ive done. but its up to u now to make things right. U know me, ive always said that u can talk to me about anything. I want to be able to trust again & move on whilst staying friends. What else do u have to lose, might even have a great heart to heart convo dude to dudet

Everything ive ever said up to this point lies all my Questions. But here's most of the list, we both were equally in control of the relationship. Maybe u didn't want me to? But doing everything I had to for myself & the household, what u & ur parents wanted of me & just me being me cuz i had to, u had your own part to play & did provide...but did u actually not want me to cater to u if it were a sign u were lazy or something? Like did u not feel worthy of me? What is it u think is my "addicting personality" that isn't fixable on the surface? What is it really that u didnt like about me? This is why i don't have closure, u left me like this, confused as well as wanting more since u held back so much. Was that on purpose to give me even more false hope & want me to pine over u? Did u ever or do u still, love me at all? What did u want from me & out of the relationship, what was the purpose of it from ur perspective & why do u think i couldn't give that to u? What did i lack that u felt compelled to not tell me so I could improve & vise versa so we both could improve? Why wouldn't u allow me to help u become a better man when (I shouldnt have to btw), its exactly what u wanted but maybe didnt see it? Do u realize your own faults even as u do them? Lol. Like i genuinely want to know as much as the good ive seen, cuz to be better the more open of a person u are the more u understand yourself too.

Unless claiming u want to be a better man is part of ur alluring charm in love bombing process to land a caring girl on purpose lol...god I hope not, that would just mean u rinse & repeat like a for real narcissist 🤔 seriously tho look into that im not even kidding, im asking cuz i care. Im pissed now but 1 thing is that im trying to not put ur behavior against u cuz maybe u can't help it, its just the way u are, all ive seen & experienced points to maybe 50% of u lol. Ive always suspected narcissism, a real psych problem that might be worth looking into. But yea 1 of the reasons especially why im so forgiving & trying not to put it against u, why i still care despite u being a dick lol. I chose to look past it, all the time & up to now cuz I understand what its like to have psychological ailments. The worst part about it is most dont realize it, so i encourage u to do some research & self reflection & admitting it to urself are the 1st steps. Okay? There's different kinds & levels to being 1 too, i found that fascinating. bryan is definitely a different type, ur more lighter than that...definitely not the worst which is the physical harm type. Trust me its worth finding out more about yourself, just dont use it to ur advantage in a bad way but i trust u to do right & grow. Not sure a discarded supply (ie me) has ever tried telling a narcy what they might be for the benefit of their own self awareness 🤔,idk if its ever been done, but theres a 1st for everything? U can find alot on it in quora digest alone but Google is also ur friend.

You always were worth every effort of mine to help u in any way to be happy, & i was most happy when u were. U mean alot to me still, its the effect u had on me, I was under ur spell lol its hard to rid myself of it still, not sure when it'll pass. I chose to see it as a gift rather than a curse, that ur effect on me is still so strong when I shouldn't give a damn. If u really are a narcy, then I understand & don't put alot against u cuz its just the way u are & i need to accept it, but if it somehow helps u to help yourself cuz of it, then whats the harm? But, even in doing this or having my socials public for u...maybe just feeds into what u want...i still dont care, I want u to see how bad or good im doing without u in my life, so u know im okay at least. U promised friendship, least I can do is allow u to keep tabs on me too we spoke of, on my end of things.

The 18th of June was the last time i saw u. It'll soon be a month ago in about a week & a 1/2 & your birthday would mark 2 months. Cant believe we couldn't even last through to that 😔

Mark my words playa I will be contacting u on that day lol. Can't ghost your homie forever sweetie

[nyruratchet]

Notes 2 - Feelings

I just got done watching the documentary on Kevyn Aucoin. And I keep shaking my head at all these bystanders who say, “I was too young to understand I could help.” Sorry, but youth should not be used as an excuse. I don’t make excuses. Life happens. If I make a mistake, I own up to it and try to move on. 

I WISH I allowed myself to make mistakes as a kid. I had so much pressure put on me after age 6, that I never really had a full childhood. My parents separated when I was in 2nd grade. My sister was still a baby. So in all of my “free time” I usually had to take care of her. Summer, nights/weekends when my mom worked OT, etc...I still resent that a bit.  My mom moved into my great grandmother’s house; me, I went to live with my grandmother. Yes, we didn’t live together for nearly 4-5 years. I had to sleep in the bed with my grandmother or uncle or aunt as there was no other room in the house. The first day I came to live there, my grandmother said, “here are you drawers for your clothes. I’m not gonna baby you. You will be ironing your clothes for school every night.” So I did. There was no option. If I didn’t wake up for the school bus, she left me. From her point of view, she had raised her kids already. So, even though I was a favorite grandchild, I was not going to hold up her life.  I made my cereal in the morning. And when I came home and was alone, i had to cook my own food.(This is the reason I’m a good cook now.) I grew up quick at 7 years old. 

But I was already an old soul. I remember the first boy I ever had a crush on. And, when I realized it was a BOY. His name was ryan, he was my friend (sort of). We were playing tag, and there was a moment when both of us locked eyes...he had this look of knowing what I was thinking, then ran fast away. From that moment, we never spoke again. We knew. Without words. We knew. But I hadn’t reached puberty, so I still thought I liked girls too. So, I didn’t dwell on him too long. HA! that ended 2 years later. Yup. At 9 years old in 4th, I met this beautiful boy RJ. took my breathe away and rushed blood to other areas of my body. I was done. I mean, there was a bit of a struggle to figure the whole lust/love thing out. But as a no nonsense kid, it didn’t take me too long. It also helped that RJ was my friend. We always sat by each other in class, talked about music and weird stuff and he was just an all around good person. (I never stopped wanting him through grade school.) I realized again, that I’d never have him. But this didn’t hurt too much...

BUT by 7th grade, I fell in love with the first boy the ever made time stop for me. Julian (btw, I’m using real names because I’m not sharing any of their private info/experiences. They never did anything with me. Also, there is no need to lie.) Julian was SO nice to me. He knew, he told me (sort of) later that he’d known how I felt; they always do. But I could never have him. And it killed me. The first time I saw him...he walk in to Mrs Dickinson’s English class with his friend Joey (hated him) and I was paralyzed. For anyone who remembers 8th grade year, yes. I loved him even though we dated the same girl. (There was a brief moment I thought I was bi. NOPE!lol) So in high school, I was the high school pageant king. His girlfriend was in the female version of the pageant. So, I had to spend time with her and if she won, I’d have to announce and possibly help crown her. This night moved in slow motion. I had to watch her walk across the stage with the boy that made me cry each night through no fault of his or mine. So, when she lost, I was kinda happy. But he came on stage to say hi to me and said I did a good job hosting. I just said “thanks” and ran off stage because tears was beginning, and I didn’t want to break down in front of him. 

But of course, the busybody I was, I was on the dance committee in HS (I did everything in HS; student council, dances, prom, car washes, clubs, plays, talent shows, choir, homecoming, EVERYTHING...except sports. But I could have.) So, I was one of the main people planning the Valentine’s day dance (V-day as I now call it.) That night was painful. I spent all day helping the DJ set up, blowing up balloons, hanging streamers, setting up punch, making decisions to help make this dance special for couples...all the while knowing I’d have to go alone. Then like a ton of bricks on my heart, in walks Julian and HER. I hadn’t realized. I was too busy. I should have prepared for this. But, I just didn’t think. I couldn’t leave though. This was my event! I had to see it through and help clean up after. So, I dance the big group dances and showed of my skills on some of the other hip hop songs (you think I can dance NOW, shoulda seen me as a teen lol) and kept my bench warm near the punch bowl. This is where I first realized that there may not be anyone for me. Senior, in high school, never been kissed, never been on a date, planning the dances/prom but never asked to go. I felt so alone. To the point I told my best friend that I didn’t want to go to the prom. Her response, “Ummm...didnt you help plan it?? I respect whatever you chose, I respect. But I think you’ll regret it if you don’t go to your senior prom with your friends.” I went. hated every moment of it. But back to love, there were crushes throughout my life, but I have always known the difference between lust, infatuation and love. I loved him. And til this day, I always will. But like the little adult I was, I graduated and tried to let it go. Now he’s married. And still trying to get my first boyfriend.

But constantly I’m being told I’m not worth it. Guys just fuck me and ghost me. I’m all good if you tell me it’s just sex. But don’t say you want to see me, take me out, date me, cuddle me, etc and then hurt me when I believe you. I don’t get that. You can’t say ur single but post pics of you and another guy “chillin” then say you two aren’t dating “exactly.” I had only loved 3 guys in my life. Julian, Josh, Paul...and then he comes along right when I thought I could be done with love. Now I’ve fallen for someone who messaged me everyday for WEEKS, said he missed me, and then just over night flipped the script. Awesome. So, I’m in pain. My heart has been hurting for a month and there is nothing I can do about it. My dear friend invited me to Boxers last week and almost started crying at the bar during DRAG RACE. Yeah, real attractive... When I love, I love for real. It doesn’t take me long. So, I understand when everyone THINKS i’m just infatuated but I’m here to tell you all, I’m not. I have hook ups; I flirt; I fantasize; I’ve even tried the fuckbuddy thing. I can compartmentalize like NO OTHER. So when my heart says, “he’s it!” I know it’s real. Sadly, it’s never reciprocated. So it leaves me thinking that all I have worth anything is momentary feelings and body. No guy wants my love. My love isn’t just feelings. It’s all encompassing. I give my time, my body, my trust, my shoulder, my loyalty, my everything.  But what do I get from them (in the short time I have their attention)?

Nothing more than feelings.