#that these two have the potential to be more feral than any kaiju

[dokuhebi]

Shikkotsunin asked: ❝ you’re holding on to things that are holding you back. ❞ (maybe the little philosophical talks we chatted about? 8)]

Things that are hard to hear. // @shikkotsunin​ They sit staring down at the most breathtaking view, sequoia trees that reach long branches in to the skies, parted by narrow creeks and riverbanks, splashed in the colour of the moonlight. The architecture of the estate they are permitted entry inside however, does not pale in comparison. It is just as beautiful, it is just as touched by the moon and dusted in enchantment. The serpent sits like an entity of ethereal nature, almost ghost like in their presence. There, but of another world entirely. Their slender form is elegantly perched on the balconies stone railing, their back resting against the pale rocky pillar. Silken fabrics, which drape fittingly over their svelte figure, runs over their seats ledge like water. Hanging down and taunting the drop below, as it lightly dances in the wind. A similar motion to midnight hair, half of which trails over one shoulder, and falls in to their lap, the other hugging their back and daring to follow the overhanging fabric of their hanfu. The ends of the dressings tail and long sleeves just out of the strands reach.  Golden eyes are set downward, looking at the life that continues below. Watching as the ant sized servants move around with daily living. Viewing each small dot below like the gods might. The Sannin always did prefer people at the greatest distance they could obtain. For everything seemed a little clearer, and a little more perfect, from far away. They share this warm summer night with only one other person, someone who, for better or worse, has given them cause to acknowledge her opinion. To value it. While their eyes are trained on the sight below, their attention is not wavering from Sakura. The serpent may disguise themself as someone more fitting in this place, holding themself with enough bewitchment and pride to be mistaken as nobility - even if they are nothing but a false sage. But they can not help feel she is the true image of this realm. That with her power comes her right to be held highly in this place, that she captures the enchantment of the estate with a feminine figure and cherry blossom hair, only to match the fierceness of the forests around this land with equal, or superior wildness. They don’t always like what she says, they don’t always like what she does. But how they appreciate the fact that she does it all anyway. That there is an unapologetic survival instinct about her. That they too, can feel unjudged in their own shameless acts, of doing what it takes. That when they bare their teeth at her, she has her claws out too. Tonight, is far more peaceful. For even the beasts of this world find a place to rest alongside their fellow predators. They toss comments back and forth, as they impart ideas and concepts to one another. Complex and heavier understandings of the world, and the lack thereof. Riddles and hard questions that, with the single glass of sake seated beside them, seemed possible to answer and solve in this moment. For nobody was ever as genius as they were with a touch of liquid confidence in their system, just enough to take the edge off. It is amid this conversation when one of her phrases stands out from the rest. When somewhere along the line, she had evidently spotted their inability to sleep. Insomnia ever apparent, when they are awake during the day, and equally as awake during the night.  “ you’re holding on to things that are holding you back. ” They almost laugh her off. Ignoring the analysis on the basis that, given how very far they had come, they were evidently not being held back. However, with a mind that works as quickly as theirs, they can not help but muse over a few factors that made her comment ring truer than they would like. Because they had clung to the memory of their parents and comrades dying, for so very long they barely know how to engage their own children as a parent should. No matter how much they love the two boys, and hope they both know that, there is a distance they simply can not cross. And ever since Hiruzen had given them his faith and stripped it from them so suddenly, they do find themself going the extra mile. Pushing to always be ahead, to be on top, to have the upper hand, no matter if they genuinely care about the subject and victory or not. 

So instead of laughing her off, instead of banishing the thought they could be falling in to something as taboo as emotional weakness, they try digest it. One of the things they hold on to the tightest, is old teachings. Where anything that proved a shinobi was mentally or emotionally compromised, was seen as something bad. Was frowned upon. Perfect shinobi knew how to distance themselves from their hearts. Knew to put duty before anything. Born in the First War, and ending young adulthood in the Second and Third, gave them a deep set mentality that observations such as mental ailments was a negative matter. And to reveal a weakness was a terribly risky affair. Blood in shark infested waters. “I think matters of the past hang more to me, than I hang on to them.” A simple way of saying, they would let them go if they could. But a little too proud to speak quite so blatantly as that. Because how very pathetic it would be, for someone like them to admit there was one wound they could not simply shed away. That no matter how they flaunt their powers, how they are reborn in new hosts and bodies... they are not quite as new and pristine as they like. Flesh wounds and age could be left behind, but their consciousness followed on. One part of them is inclined to shut down the conversation. Has already put up a mental wall, blocking out her sound advice and analysis in favor of going back to how things were. Back to poorer coping methods and problematic ideologies. Another part however, the part of them that has matured in over seventy years of living, the part that truly wishes to ascend past mortal capabilities... is growing curious. Because there are still days they feel the reach of darkness, insanity pulling at the logic in their mind. Where they move their feet but can not predict the floors, where they hear words and distort them, when they feed thoughts that cause nothing but chaos in their own head. It is then, a desperate part that wants proof, proof that maybe they do not have to be nothing more than a genetic slave. Proof that there is a little more to people than the biology that had failed their needs on countless occasions. Or that if there isn’t more to them, even that invisible link of consciousness can be controlled. Because they wanted to control their own thoughts for once, they wanted to play god with their own emotions and moods, they wanted to feel truly at ease. They want to be above the life they had lead, and to scrub away the past. But maybe that too is cowardly. Maybe that isn’t what Sakura would, in her professional opinion, think was wise either. That there should be a healthy middle ground, rather than either being held down by those feelings, or finding a way to simply erase and obliterate them without ever truly working through it. “I would find it hard to believe you have escaped your past,” they say, approaching the subject in a round about manner, shifting focus on to others, “our very cells hold on to our unique histories and upbringing, from as early a stage as when we are still in the womb. Locking in and coding us based on the environment we interact with, and the emotions we are greeted by. I suppose, some things simply can not be fixed after a while. Akin to an injury, if not addressed correctly the first time, it will simply heal wrong. That can not be corrected later on, the period to halt the development of a scar, or an eternal weak point, can be missed. And it is impossible to go through life without earning a few of these wounds.” But they can not shift their own focus, even if they briefly travel the low road of redirecting attention to an ‘everyone’ conversation, and deviating from the possibility of this being specifically about ‘them’. And they almost let themself off the hook, until they can not shake their own curiosity. Because although they know the difference between a healthy and unhealthy mind set, they also lead themself to believe that is was inevitable. That as they had brazenly mentioned, this impairment was something to be lived with, something to accept and work around.  Yet she speaks as if there is some solution, or at least a way to better handle it. Alleviate the strain caused by the issue. When they had thought all these years, that merely handling it at all, be it well or poorly, was the success. So after a moment of consideration, they dare to ask a question that feels a little bit like baring their neck, but will not be silenced when they hold knowledge higher than even self preservation. Seeking the opinion of someone who had actually dabbled in the science of the mind. “Am I not meant to feel this way?”

[hazelcephalopod]

The Great Hunt Ch 1-2

Nice catch up to where Rand is. I am deeply enraged and offended on his behalf. I don’t care the reasons! Respect peoples stuff! Oh also seeing *them* and *her* is cool.

Disclaimer: this is my first read thru but I’ve watched all of the show thus far and been spoiled on some book things. So… I’m going to lean into that. Enjoy figuring out what I know, and what I think I know, and what I just don’t. Also s/x I add commentary when I edit.

Spoilers for the first and second book and all of season 1 under the cut. Potential spoilers for later books -idk if they’re light spoilers or not.

Two chapters at a time seems good.

Ch 1: The Flame of Tar Valon

The wheel of time

That’s a good chapter name

Late is a bit of an understatement

Rand POV

I’m guessing he decided not to leave the party after all then. Seems a good while after the events of book one. Not seven-eight days

Ooo. That’s not good. Ouch!

Oh not strange wind Lan didn’t notice

Ah. A month. Not ready to let go yet kid?

Listen to Lan! He’s (Tam but Lan can be tok) your dad in all the ways that matter

Huh. So not everyone would recognize heron blade

“Unclean things” = weird cosmic horror lake kaijus

I feel like he chose the wrong Aes Sedai if that is his goal

…at least one he’s truly dedicated to

Does Rand have a magic sword? Lol. Of course

Never say never. Especially to him

A year? Oof

“…that Heron form is only for practicing balance. Anywhere but doing forms it leaves you wide open; you can strike home… but you’ll never avoid [your opponents] blade.” -Lan to Rand

Fully feel for Rand here. He’s just a confused kid still

Humans at least

“Like a singing serpent the column wound is way toward Fal Dara.” -(Rand) and Lan seeing the company approaching

Oohhhhh it’s the chapter name! The Flame. Aes Sedai!

Ingtar!

I mean… I think you know why even if you don’t want to admit it. Some serious shit just occurred

So most Shienar-ians respect or fearfully respect Aes Sedai. Cool. Good for them

First goose bumps!

……. Ohhhh Elaida. Right

Yea I can see how that hasn’t broken down your barriers.

Lol

It was. Trust your instinct on his little expressions

Well that’s fucking ominous. This kid is going to go mad from the stress and rejection faster than some curse

Poor guy

Kinda is. Symbolically!

I can think of several. Half of them ultimately you but very few know that

Ohh no

Equally bad

Sweetie. No. Not your fault. Regrettably, does not matter

That paranoia tho

…Is kinda fair.

Ch 2: The Welcome

The Flame of Tar Valon

Descriptive!

Rand POV

Oh right the Amyrlin Seat is here. Siuan!

Only 50 chapters this time.

Well this is a nightmare. No. Not him!

Oh I would also be pissed. Dont matter how fucked someones clothes are you don’t just throw them out without them. /I would have a fit tbh. Dont touch my shit. I’m a feral little man/

Yea he handled that better

No. Fuck off /I would leave. I think I’ve had nightmares like this. I’d make a problem!/ (I soon learn he does plan to leave. It’s just his priorities are better than my rage)

I’d be happy he got new clothes if they hadn’t flaming stolen his old ones. Like yes that… is in theory fun. I know that. But not like this!

Moiraine. Plz. Talk to your son

Rand. Plz. Talk to you mom (#3)

Madam. Consent! (I fear I’m going to be saying that a lot)

It definitely was

It’s not that hard. Knife and pull thread

Thom stuff!

Like I understand that Moiraine probably did that in part to draw attention away from him b/c some lordling with a heron blade makes more sense than weird tall farm boy. But still… not like that

New bow! Cool!

Oh. He is running!

“…he had had more than enough of Aes Sedai for any sane lifetime. One was too many.” -(Rand) coming up with his escape plan

Don’t think you want to be in seeing her range dude

Also. Why would a farm boy whose mom died young not know the basics of sewing? (Editor me- especially when his dad was so resistant to getting remarried)

14? That’s quite a few honestly

I do like the description that they are a diverse group/s and maintain their cultural origins mixed with Tower culture

You are too close yes

15 Aes Sedai

Ah yes ritual greetings. Where would we be without them?

… I applaud the worldbuilding honestly

Yup. Time to go. Right

Dunno what you rest plan here but I understand bud

Yes! It does mean son of. And also king. Which is very funny actually. “Al” that is

Yea dude. That tracks. You can’t rely on like servants. Shoulda just walked (I soon learn he could not. Lan was uh. Correct shoulda left a week ago)

Oh fuck.

Whoever else could it be?

“Rand broke into a run.”

Coulda ended the chapter on that. Lmao