#that the sternness of the north does not equate to it being oppressive and sexist

[rise-my-angel]

I find it so funny that the North is such a brawny masculine place and yet the Starks and a lot of the other family's feel way more feminist then any of the so called Queens in the show.

Like obviously in comparison to a more modern society, no they aren't particularly progressive, but in the terms of their own world, there are interesting hints that showcase they are actually a lot less rigid then their reputation precedes.

(Here's a read more beacuse I am living in Yap City apparently)

Maege Mormont is Lady of Bear Island, has never been married and has five girls, none of whom has an identifiable father and no one really bats an eye. She calls them Mormonts and so does everyone else. There's an interesting exchange between the Tarlys and Gilly when she and Sam are in Hornhill, where Sams mother after hearing that Gilly knows how to hunt, explains that she once met Greatjon Umber, who had taught his daughters how to hunt and Sams sister expresses interest in that beacuse her father never would bring her hunting.

Ned himself never looked back negatively at Lyanna in her interest in less formal Lady like duties, and thus he doesn't look down on Arya for it either. He at first struggles to allow his daughter to use a sword, but then he talks to her, hears she has a genuine interest in it, and goes out of his way to hire a tutor for her that can teach her a fighting style better for her then normal men learn. And when Arya explains to him that she does not see her future as marrying a lord and ruling his castle, Ned doesn't talk down to her. In fact he has to turn away from looking at her suddenly, because he starts to smile and hides that he isn't at all disappointed in her for it. She starts wearing pants, doesn't spend time fancying her hair, is covered in scrapes and bruises just like his sons growing up no doubt and even in the capital, never tries to get her to change.

He has visions for her from the way he grew up, but Ned is accepting that Arya is different and fosters her unique, more typically masculine traits beacuse those are what make her happy. Same with Jon, who was brought up just like any other Northern Lords son. He enjoys those things about Arya, and fosters that passion by making her a sword suited to her size and tells her just like his father does later, "This is no toy." He takes her interest seriously.

But like Ned, he also never is seen putting Sansa down for not being like that. Sansa at the start of the series is more traditionally feminine, and Jon nor other male Starks are ever seen looking down on her for it. She likes embroidery, cross stitching, she makes her own dresses and likes having her hair done all fancy and prides herself in being ladylike. (Jon and Aryas personal issues with Sansa are outside her femininity, Jons is her classist attitude being an extension of the way Catlyn treats him and Aryas is a resentment of Sansa's femininity soley out of an anger brewed from years of her and her friends bullying Arya).

Obviously they aren't perfect. The North has always practiced traditional inheritance, meaning sons before daughters. Sansa herself tells Sweet Robin that girls where she comes from didn't participate in things like executions and violence.

So lets talk about the typically most popular anti north/anti stark point against them: The First Night.

Now there's speculation of just how prevalent the practice of First Nights were in the North, which is the now mostly extinct tradition of a Lord or King having the right to bed the bride of a smallfolk couple on their wedding night. They could do it with highborn brides but this rarely took place as to avoid causing potential conflicts between great Houses. In ancient times, the men engaging in this were seen as strong and it was considered an honour. Which is dumb. We all know thats dumb, and that this was a gross practice.

But I have my own theories based on what we know of the people whom have actively spoken about it and what we know about the North in the first place. Now this did stem from The First Men, but considering the First Men's records of this started at The Dawn Age (before the Long Night so this is MORE then 8000 years prior to the start of the series).

Now note that the Andals when they arrived some 4 to 6 thousand years prior to the start of the series, they adopted this as well. Meaning this was not strictly a Northern thing, but more like a then culturally accepted thing. Much like how slavery in Westeros used to be culturally accepted. Like our world, times change and traditions fade until they are outlawed. Yes the First Night thing is gross, and eventually it was outlawed rather late.

But the mutiliating act of flaying men was also not outlawed until Ned Stark himself outlawed it. That doesn't mean it was a rampant tradition. Note that actually, the only Northern characters who participated in flaying, and also are directly referenced to First Nights, are the Boltons. Roose and Ramsay both indicate that this was something Roose Bolton still did in secret, much like how clearly they still flay their enemies when it's also outlawed.

Most likely, First Night was not a thing for a very long time. Most Lords and the Starks realized that this was not an acceptable traditon, and slowly it stopped. By the time the Targaryeans came and outlawed it, I'd find it more likely that it was a case like outlawing flaying.

It was not a universally practiced tradition, but those who did, went overboard with it until an authority figure had to step in and outlaw it just to force that specific party to stop. (Its the Boltons its always the Boltons, the Boltons were literally House Starks greatest opposition during their time as an independant Kingdom).

Thats usually the biggest flag against the North, the First Night. But I extend people to realize that it is highly unlikely it was a rampant tradition that was outlawed suddenly. That would've likely caused a big stir against the Targaryeans, suddenly outlawing a massively practiced tradition. More likely, no one really engaged in it anymore but those who still did (the Boltons cough cough), were enough to say enough is enough now its just outlawed. Like a "You clearly can't just behave like a civilized human being so now being a FREAK is illegal, grow up."

Female warriors are more common. No one bats an eye that Maege and Dacey Mormont are active and skilled warriors in Robb's army, they are just there amongst the sausage fest and there isn't this big subplot that they shouldn't be. Dacey even dances with Robb at one point and its noted how graceful of a dancer she is, meaning the Mormont women are clearly good balances of ladylike and engaging in masculine traits.

Because Northerners in universe have a reputation of being cold, stern, rigid, and uptight, I think people misidentify them as also being conservative in nature. But they aren't. Especially the Starks and the Mormonts. They value duty and honour but not through the disrespectful treatment of human life. The treatment we see of Northern women is much more open and fair then Southern women.

The Starks and the respect they still showed Arya despite her engaging in not ladylike behavior. The North in their simple acceptance of the Mormonts, and how the women run the island and do not confine themselves to that of marriage. Maege's daughter Alysane is also unmarried with two children who don't get called bastards. Not everyone is going to do this with theirs, but we never see other Northern characters actively look down on the Mormonts for these things. They are valued and welcome friends like any other.

Sansa gets treated like a stupid girl in Kings Landing beacuse she's just that, a girl. Whereas, Jon is constantly arguing with Sansa about his rulings, beacuse he does not treat her with kid gloves. He argues with her the way he argues with any of his men, her being a girl has nothing to do with why he shuts down her suggestions. (he shuts them down beacuse hes good at ruling and Sansa SUCKS at it)

Ned talks about wanting to find Sansa a better match "Someone whose brave and gentle and strong". Not because he wants to control her through marriage, but beacuse SHE wants to get married and he'd rather see her marry someone who will make her happy as opposed to someone who would just expert her to make him happy. Arya is only a couple years younger then Sansa, and Ned doesn't even entertain the subject of betrothals to her, because she does not engage with it.

He only tried to placate Lyanna about her unhappiness with marrying Robert, beacuse he was not in control. That was their fathers choice, Ned cannot change that and he recognizes Roberts faults. So he tries to say that maybe it won't be as bad as she thinks, because he cannot help her get out of it, so he tries to help her not be miserable about it.

The North is this harsh, brutal and masculine place, but it does not expect women to be the same, nor does it look down on women for engaging with that culture in either direction.

The clown car show portrays any women who does not fall into the "free independent woman" trope as either delicate like Helaena, or just plainly in the wrong, like Alicent. It's Rhaenyra's woman way or bust, no real argument there. And yet STILL, they portray both these women as soft who do not wish for war and bloodshed and blame the men in their life for causing this strife.

When in the books, Rhaenyra and Alicent BOTH wanted bloodshed and violence and vengeance. They were not just victims to the actions of the men around them, they took part in the same desire for action and war as those men, even if just not ON the battlefield.

Young Rhaenyra is actually far closer to this "feminist" angle they are going for. Beacuse while she is a petty, violent, arrogant, self centered brat, she has her own agency. She knows what she wants and takes it, for good or bad. She is in control of her life, and works around the control the men wish to impose on her for her own wants.

Adult Rhaenyra does nothing, cries, is powerless against what the men in her life do, and would rather prefer peace then being fucking violently angry at the woman who is protecting the man who killed her son. Alicent who I must emphasize, HELD A KNIFE UP TO RHAENYRA SHAKING IN ANGER, suddenly just wants her friend back and has no wants or needs beyond what everyone around her is doing separate of her involvement.

These women have no agency, but the show is not at all aware of that. They think this is the portrayal of equality we deserve.

Women who cannot control the brutish men and just want peace and have no thoughts and hangups of their own that define them as both good and bad at the same time. They are EITHER bad or good, but deep down, they're literally just mothers. We're mothers and so we do not want bloodshed.

Tell that to the version of Alicent that was ready to stab a bitch for her mutilated, now disabled sons sake. Where is that Alicent? Where is the Rhaenyra that said children scream like boars and then proceeded to later violently hack and slash at one because she actually enjoys the violent side of her life.

Where are these womens fucking agency beyond whatever the men are doing at any given time?