#that stuff. like a love affair where i dont truly see a person for a person but what they represent to me (/lh)

[boy-armageddon]

sometimes i want to try to listen to a blood brothers song again because they were at a time very near and dear to me. and then i rmemeber everything about them

[crawlthruribs]

so i saw this post somewhere saying that they wanted a fic where ennis, jack, and alma were all in a polyam relationship - that alma saw them kissing but instead of being disgusted she found she was into it. i have some thoughts about this, and it’s not a call out post where im going to be rattling off all the ways that i think op was wrong, it is an interesting concept, i was just thinking about how personally i dont think it would happen.

one) we see through the course of their marriage the slow resentment and change that occurs, and while i am not sure why alma and ennis got together in the first place, they were happy at the beginning. the rift between alma and ennis increases after they have kids, and it only seems to escalate all the way up and through their divorce. 

i think, from alma’s perspective, she recognized that the man she married was not the same one who continuously rejects her and expects so much from her. ennis constantly ignores alma, he leaves her to take care of the kids and to cook and do her job and he places his occupation and work over hers - i dont think alma knew how to fix it, how to make ennis pay attention to her. i am sure she blamed herself in a way and most likely experienced loneliness being stuck in this position. 

when she finds out what ennis and jack are doing, all the feelings that she had been left to sit in bubble up. this was the 1960s, the whole concept of this story is about hatecrime and homophobia - in alma’s eyes it is disgusting and shameful and putrid and this was the man that she had married. she was left and cast aside for something vile and wrong and it hurt. perhaps maybe in a different story she could have found it appealing in a way, but it’s not just “oh she hasnt explored sexually, there’s a chance she could be into that stuff” it’s also the divide between her and ennis and the emotions that she had previously suffered through and the guilt that she could now blame on someone else. it wasnt her fault that ennis was cold to her, but up to this point that’s what she thought; when she sees them, it’s the tipping point and realization that it wasnt her, but it was this gross affair. 

two) from ennis’ point of view, alma is a tether. she is a force that keeps him safe and “normal”, she is the right and traditional thing to do. but she also sort of is a cage, he has to be “normal” and has to love her in order to accomplish this. she is a way to “fix” himself.

piggybacking from another post i saw, there is also the fact that she is a woman. i believe the other person said something about how being with a woman for jack and ennis is different than sleeping with another man because she doesnt pose a threat to their relationship. the woman is simply a necessity and cannot give either of them what they truly want. and that’s all that alma really is, she is only required so ennis can fulfill tradition and be left alone (we see that later after they divorce the amount of times it’s brought up to him that he should settle down again).

three) i am not quite sure what jack would think seeing that alma never really was something he had to worry about. it was always ennis’ work or his deep connection to his hometown that really proved a problem. i do believe though, that being in a polycule with alma and ennis not something he would like. having relations with other men was something he constantly looked for, that he needed to “sustain himself” as he said when he and ennis were arguing about the lack of time they had together and adding a woman to the mix wouldnt be what he was looking for. he could have sex with a woman at any point in time, adding alma into the mix is only taking away his one place that he can get the satisfaction he wants. 

feel free to add on or correct me, i have only seen the movie, though i do want to read it, and have watched it once. this was not meant to be a call out post in any way shape or form, simply a pondering of why the three of them wouldnt work and my take on their complex relationships.

@apollosleftelbow

[mundungs]

ϟ.  → robert sheehan : genderfluid : he/they/she : dealer of illicit objects and substances : the raven by the alan parsons project ϟ  did you see mundungus fletcher ? you know ,  31 year old halfblood who was formally in ravenclaw. some say dung can be quite furtive but are known to be unreliable. they are aligned with the order .  maybe that’s why they remind me of naming stray cats, flicking a lighter over and over again, falling asleep on the subway. ϟ 

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ciannán o’donnell is a flighty man, one of many relationships and flings and little loyalty, and so his affair with maeve fletcher does not last long. when she tells him she is pregnant, he moves on to a different woman, and maeve has her son alone, with her sister on her side. and thus, mundungus is born (and giving an arguably atrocious name).

he grows up with his mum – a halfblooded witch and by far his favourite person in the world – in limerick, attending muggle school there. he knew who his dad was, but wasn’t quite sure how to feel about — his father is a criminal, a prominent member of the irish mob. 

he meets his dad for the first time at age seven, and was nothing but impressed. his dad showered him with gifts, his mum watching with a furious look on her face but biting her tongue. that moment was a switch for mundungus; he felt the need to impress his dad. he stole some sweets from a store on his way home from school a week later, fished some pennies out of the pockets of his classmates a few months later. when he phoned his dad to tell him, his laugh was warm and filled with life. his relationship with his dad got better as his behaviour got worse. the thrill of stealing, of doing stuff he wasn’t supposed to, lit him not only on fire because it was exciting, but also because he knew his dad would adore it. 

but ciannan, a flighty man, pushes and pulls. and so mundungus was fed disappointment by his father, liking love off a shiny knife rather than a spoon ( silver or plastic, what the fuck does it matter ). details omitted, long story made short: his dad sucks and his mother tries, but mundungus is pulled towards that what smells of danger.

DRUGS MENT. at hogwarts, dung is sorted into ravenclaw. not at all the booksmart type, he falls more into the chaotic-creativity, random-bursts-of-wanting-to-learn-everything-about-something type of ravenclaw. there’s two worlds, then: the muggle world, where he slowly dips his water further in criminal waters, and the wizarding one, where he’s chaotic and messy but a student. when he grows older, these overlap: dung starts selling some of his dad’s weed at hogwarts, and soon gains a reputation of being able to get people less-than-legal shit. 

not getting high off your own supply is not a sentiment he agrees with. not then, not later, not now. dung is fun, always in for a party and willing to supply the goods to throw it. if some rich purebloods lose a few galleons at said party, well, it sure isn’t him! END OF TW

he graduates with two newts, in herbology and potions, failing his dada and charms exams. he’s not an academic.

falling into the family business after graduation is easy. mundungus is attracted by the criminal underworld, both that of muggle ireland and that of the wizarding world. knockturn alley was a place frequented in teenage years, but now becomes more his place. he makes connections, exchanges strange potion recipes for other things. makes an odd wager on a bunch of stolen brass scales and turns a profit. 

a career is not something that interests him; he is more interested in bending rules and making quick money. thievery, selling illegal shit, heists, fraud, fuck-all. mundungus is not limited by one descriptor, one kind of criminality. he just does what he wants and hopes to make a good penny.

but then he almost gets sent to azkaban over some, in his frank opinion, bullshit. it’s dumbledore who talks the wizengamot out of it, saddling dung up with some community service and persuading him towards the order. he’s twenty three. the war is still fresh. he has no interest in it, but he owes the old man. fine.

mundungus does vehemently oppose blood purity and any kind of discriminatory ideals, an anarchist in his very bones, but he is also cowardly. to side with self-proclaimed rebels is not in his blood and yet it’s where he ends up, bringing shady ties to the underworld to the table and a sheer ability to sneak around and fuck the law. and maybe, amidst the ranks of the order, dung finds something he’s not very familiar with: a large family. and dung? well, he’s the stoner, gay, super-fucking-chaotic cousin.

personality

if jesper fahey and kaz brekker had a child, it would be dung. 

other character parallels: fezco ( euphoria ), boris ( the goldfinch ), doug judy ( b99 ), jason mendoza ( the good place ), chris miles ( skins ),  nick miller ( new girl ), creed bratton ( the office ), scott lang ( marvel ), lillian ( unbreakable kimmy schmidt )

technically he’s homeless. he’s got a bedroom at his ma’s place, has a ton of squatter connects in the muggle scene and couch surfes aplenty, but dung doesn’t rent a place. why? landlords are evil. he could afford a place, just doesn’t see the point. life’s better with some adventure.

appears very neutral in public as it’s beneficial to his role in the order??? 

.... tortured artist. writes poetry and loves to draw and paint. 

tattooed the fuck up. some are his own designs.

can usually be spotted wearing The Coat, a rly expensive, vintage long coat that he once stole of a pureblood. he’s enlarged the pockets with some handy spellwork and pretty much carries everything he owes in there, like his produce and his money and his second pair of shoes and his art supplies and probably some random trash. 

loves animals. he loves stray cats especially <3 they are his kin. 

an anarchist. a bit of a punk. a deep idealist with a cowardly heart so constantly betraying himself (and sometimes others?)

queer! enby! genderfluid! i used he/him pronouns throughout this intro but dung truly doesn’t give a damn what u use. loves to dress up in feminine clothes. 

has a ton of aliases, lol, the most important one being marigold fincher. 

cusses too fuckin much to be healthy :/

oh no he is a big sad insecure kid deep inside :/ dont tell anyone how embarrassing!!!! shhhh!! it’s a secret.

quick connection ideas

victim. wow please. if your character is rich. let me steal from u. pick ur pockets. break into ur house. get some of ur stuff and drop it on the black market. 

customer. dung sells. whatever u need. drugs. weird magical things. ask and ye shall receive. his prices are whack but he does deliver <3

pal. party friends! order friends! random encounter friends! dung has a trashmouth and loves to talk pls let him chat u up and u will never be rid of him <3

couch. he couch surfs. a lot. if ur character trusts dung enough to let him into their home (which they shouldnt) then pls let him sleep over for a night. he will leave a strangely expensive necklace on ur kitchen table as a thank u. or wilted flowers. no in between.

skeptic. ur char is in the order and thinks dung is a liability and maybe they have a point. a point mundungus would rather not face :)

dmle bitches. dung hates anyone authoritative but esp the coppers at the ministry (hit wix & aurors) (yea he calls them coppers sorry he doesnt respect them enough to call them aurors <3). give me that doug judy/jake peralta dynamic. or just someone in the dmle who is like ... sigh this guy again??? 

fwb/one night stand/fling/etc. he’s a bit slutty <333 give him some ppl he’s hooked up with / will hook up with.

[all-things-mlqc]

Boys reaction to MC who never have date before meeting them. Like, the boys as MC's first love.

My first HC on here and I was memeing half the time while writing it. Included what the boys would do after hearing this news as well because why not. I’m not a Lucien fan but lord have mercy on my soul, I couldn’t help making his romantic af. He is the ideal boyfriend/date minus the l i e s that come in the MS and I hate it. All the crossed out stuff is just commentary because I couldn’t help myself. Hope you enjoy~ Thank you for your ask <3

How the MLQC boys react to being MC’s first love below the cut~

Victor:

Follows with some snarky comment after he calls her “Dummy”.

Let’s be real here, if he doesn’t call her dummy immediately, then something is wrong. Reminds me of when we streamed the first episode of MLQC and we were all yelling “CALL US BAKA” the second Victor came on screen.

While he seems cool and collected on the outside, you can hear the computer shutdown sound play on the inside.

To him, this is a shocking confession.

Victor: I’m not surprised a dummy like you hasn’t been in a serious relationship before.

Victor, internally: How has she never been in a serious relationship before??

He’s not very good at expressing himself honestly through his words but he truly admires MCs hardworking nature.

He finds that very attractive in a woman and is surprised that other men in the line of business haven’t taken their shot with her yet. it’s because they can feel your death stare on the back of their heads, kind sir

One thing he struggles with is being himself. He tries to act like everything is in his control all the time.

Because of this, upon hearing MCs confession, he invites her to a fancy dinner at his penthouse insert Victor’s Dazzling Date because THATS ALL THAT MATTERS. Jkjk haha... unless...

He wants to impress her as much as possible even though he knows deep down that she doesn’t care about what a person has and rather how they are as a person

BUT ALAS. The stress be real for her first boyfriend.

He wants her to know she made a good decision without verbally telling her out of his own bitch mouth I love you, please call me baka so he goes over the top with their first date.

Basically pulls a Mr. Krabs when taking Mrs. Puff on a date. Just add shades to Mr. Krabs to represent Victor’s “I’m calm. I’m chill. I’m all good. We vibin out here.”

All MC wants from him is his honest and genuine thoughts. and a lifetime stock of pudding because good god a girl has chocolate needs

MC eventually figures out Victor’s intentions with all the gifts he rains on her because hE dOesNt nEeD tHeM he can’t give her anything more than a cup of pudding up front

MC knows this and accepts the secret gifts with a smile.

She sends a gift in return to his office the following day along with a thank you for the wonderful date.

Can you hear that? It’s the sound of Victor’s heart rate slowing to the average persons.

Kiro:

insert pikachu meme

This boy is mind blown.

“How have you never been in a relationship before??? That can’t be true!”

Kiro sees the good in everyone, so hearing that MC has never been in a relationship before him is

He gives her a bright smile and playfully hugs her from behind.

The two of them laugh together as he whispers genuinely in her ear,

“I promise to make you happy. You won’t regret it.”

He immediately drags her off to Loveland’s Amusement Park, where they spend the whole day together.

Rides, snacks, games, you name it, they did it all.

Kiro naturally spoils MC without putting much thought to it.

It’s like a reflex for him. It’s just who he is as a person. Always wants to share the happiness in the world with the people he cares about.

As for how anxious he is after hearing the news about being MC’s first love, he is screaming at a pitch only dogs can hear.

Almost 100% of the time he has a smile on his face and even convinces himself that he’s not worried about it.

But he is.

It only hits him when he thinks about another man taking MC away from him after seeing her talking with another guy.

MC will catch him without his carefree smile at times and eventually confronts him about it.

He shows her a wide smile and says there’s nothing to worry about.

L I E S. BABIE LEMME HOLD YOU I PROMISE YOU DONT NEED TO WORRY.

After a few attempts of trying to get Kiro to open up about it, he gives in and says he’s worried he’s not good enough for her HAHAHHA, GOOD ONE KIRO

MC, however, turns it around on him

MC: I’m afraid IM the one who isn’t good enough for you.

They both smile and embrace each other, knowing they’ll get through any little concerns like this.

Gavin:

He knows.

We’re talking about the boy who has been in love with MC since high school; Who has protected her behind the scenes ever since he laid eyes on her.

He would know if she had been in a previous or current relationship.

It only comes as a shock when she says she’s never been interested in anyone else romantically before. Lies. Have you seen the other suitors, MC. In a world where guys are that hot, you must’ve had at least 1 crush, c’mon sis.

Gavin respected her personal boundaries and never looked into her personal affairs so he had very little knowledge of her views on other guys.

He gets a little bit nervous, since he believes her standards must be high if she hasn’t been interested in anyone else before.

Does the full on soldier oath, bend the knee cliche which includes “I promise to always protect you” and “Nobody will ever be good enough for you”

Mc: Gavin no...

Gavin: NOBODY WILL EVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.

Spoiler alert: You are waayyyyy too good for me, Gavin.

He doesn’t have too much anxiety over the thought of being MC’s first love though since he’s very good at staying true to himself and knows MC is one to admire that about others.

Gavin is a quiet guy in general. He’s more of an observer and watches MC to take note of what she enjoys.

When he sees her eyes shine bright after seeing a delicious dessert cafe, he offers to take her. He makes sure to express how he also wants to go since he knows she won’t accept unless he is interested as well.

Boy literally has no interests the moment he’s with MC. He is essentially that vine

Doesn’t even wait until the question is over and just “Absolutely. Let’s do it”

MC: But I haven’t even said anything yet...

He isn’t much different from how he is now. Has around the same amount of anxiety just from being in MCs presence.

Boy just wants to PROTECC and is always panicking on the inside but tries to remain calm.

He is very good at calming his anxiety though since he’s had so long to understand what MC values and knows she just loves people for themselves.

That’s all he needs.

Lucien:

His eyes widen slightly at MCs confession.

It’s nothing too mind blowing for him since he knows how refined MC is and how dedicated she is to her work.

It’s still surprising to him that nobody has tried to sweep her off her feet yet.

With how kind MC is, it would be hard for her to refuse a date with a gentleman.

Lucien gently presses a kiss to MCs hand upon hearing her confession.

Lucien: I am honored to be given the opportunity TO WOO to take such a beautiful lady out on a date~ AND MORE PLEASE

Lucien is the definition of a gentleman shhhh we aren’t speaking of current chapters in the main route Lucien. Cover your eyes. Pretend you do not see.

With little to no anxiety showing on his face after the reveal that he is MCs first love, he insists on taking her out to a nice restaurant the most classy and romantic 5 star restaurant Loveland City has to offer as a way to thank her for dealing with his bs (both his bullshit and black swan hahaha I’m so funny oml) being given the opportunity to treat her as a beautiful young lady should be treated.

He’s also more on the less anxious side of being MCs first love.

Lucien is a traditional man and does stuff by the book.

Because of this, he respects and likes the idea of being MCs first love.

He doesn’t go over the top yet isn’t cliche with dates and little actions.

He knows exactly what to say and when to say it. Though he may struggle with being openly honest about his own thoughts and feelings, he tries his best to express himself for MC. a lot of the time he just assumes talking to her about his personal affairs would bring her down.

This, however, gets better overtime as they continue to date.

They spend a lovely evening at dinner together and take a midnight stroll through the city oh god city stroll PTSD

He gently wraps his jacket around her bare shoulders with a soft smile as he thanks her once again for believing in him believing he is worthy of her

Bonus:

Shaw:

Shaw, smirking: Is that so?

Oohhhhh you know what that smirk does to me. DOWN BOY D O W N.

He’s surprised but his reaction is very mutual.

His internal thoughts are more on the line of “Hmm I’m her first boyfriend, aye?” and “OYA OYA”

He very likely most definitely places his hand on the wall beside her head and leans in closely to get a reaction from her as he growls,

Shaw: So that means you really like me, yeah? I’m making this way too hot gdi. Shaw stans please enjoy your food

MC looks up to see that same playful smirk resting on his face.

highkey don’t know how to respond because Im just “ok think of 3 things she would probably say and go from there” while my brain just computer error sound

MC: and what about yourself? I’m sure there are tons of girls throwing themselves at you yet you choose me.

He pulls away and places his hands in his pockets with a chuckle.

Shaw: I’ve had my fair share before.

iVe HaD mY fAiR sHarE bEfoRe MY ASS

I’m convinced he’s had one time things with girls purely for information or he isn’t the least bit interested in relationships because he thrives on stimulation and entertainment and nOboDy iS gOoD eNouGh plus he literally asks what people do on dates when taking mc out in his first date in game SO

Either way, this is a LIE. The man can’t relationship for the life of him so he has no RIGHTS to tease her.

Just let him believe or you can try to tease him about it in hopes of getting a little pouty face out of him.

Honestly, their first date would just be the first date we got in the game and nobody can convince me otherwise.

Shaw is a wild child and doesn’t care for romantic dates. at least that’s what he wants you to think

A little insight on his character: He’s very blunt and easily pushes people away all the while keeping them close enough to gather intel. He doesn’t get emotionally attached to anyone and makes sure it’s mutual on both ends. Personal relationships only drag him down, especially in his line of work. He prioritizes other things before relationships which makes him so damn FRUSTRATING BUT I SWEAR I WILL CRACK YOU OPEN LIKE A WALNUT JUST YOU WATCH ME.

With that being said, after actually being in a relationship with MC for a while and opening up about their personal lives more, Shaw can be very romantic. He may be awkward for a bit at first since he literally doesn’t know what a date is but he gets there eventually.

He’s still full of fun but is also very gentle and makes sure MC is enjoying herself.

I got sidetracked with the actual HC on this one but Shaw stans need food I NEED FOOD

[springsteenicious]

omfg the thought of hyde and donna possibly hooking up makes me cry, like okay i can deal hyde w a random stranger but not donna, thats simply ew. like thats unforgivable, and if thats the case i truly hope jackie doesnt forgive him that easily, in this case, i wouldnt mind if they dont end up together (even though we know thats not going to happen) its like that fic in which donna and hyde have an affair, i was honestly so happy eric and jackie found other people cause forgiving those two, no.

Okay, if you think Hyde and Donna sleeping together is an unforgivable offense, this is not the story for you.

I am not confirming that they slept together in the story. I am just saying that if you think Jackie and Eric should find other people in that scenario rather than let Hyde and Donna work to make it up to them, this is not a story for you.

One of the main themes of the story is guilt and forgiveness. Every single person in the story is guilty of something. They all have stuff to apologize for. No matter what happens, this story is about loving someone so much that you put the effort in to be with them and to forgive them for their mistakes. It's a story about making bad/stupid decisions and realizing you are wrong and need to fix it.

If you go into this story thinking some actions are unforgivable, you won't be happy with the story. You won't be able to see the point of the story. The point isn't getting Hyde and Jackie or Eric and Donna back together. The point is forgiveness and love of all kinds.

Don't get me wrong, I'd love for you to read the story! I'm not trying to discourage anyone from it. I just want people to go into the story open-minded. I want people to trust me as a writer and trust that I know where I'm going with the story.

[thisisthehardestthing]

wait r u fr? tumblr ate the ask? pls i’m so fuckin mad i literally typed paragraphs about how much i loved it so here we go i’m gonna try to be more coherent this time:

this mafia fic is my favorite haikyuu fic i’ve ever read and one of my fave fics in general. like the amount of hard work and research u put into it is so clear and it shows in the amazing quality of the fic. ur pacing, the flow of ur words, ur characterizations of tanaka and val, the way u pull off that last scene. everything is so well done and all of those things are super hard to pull off on their own so props to u for being able to do all of those. like wow i really am in awe of ur talent and i’m so thankful for ur hard work and the fact that u posted this like u rlly took me thru an emotional ride and gave me such a good piece of writing to enjoy and i love that.

okay so: details. i love the way u include the little things in the fic. stuff like the name of the designers and the names of organizations and stuff in the fic helps me picture the scenes so much and it just really adds to the extravagant feel of the fic.

with symbolism, i could literally write paragraphs about how well u included symbols in this fic. like i deadass gasped when the viper necklace was crushed in the final scene at the end right before tanaka did it. the parallels!!!! god ur so good at writing and obviously ur brain is huge to have thought of that and seamlessly included it into the fic.

okay so idk what the proper term for this is but like, the way that action happens in the fic is so well done and not predictable but still in line with what you’ve revealed to us about the characters. like ofc tanaka would pull the necklace out of his pocket at just that moment as a way to reveal to daichi what he felt. it’s just so perfect and so true to the person he is in the fic. about his characterization, god i love it so much. all of the pain and yearning and sheer want in his person were clearly conveyed thru his perspectives and his actions. like that boy just wants to be loved and that’s why it made such good narrative sense to have daichi ask him who he loves more in the scene right before the ending. like i saw the tag for death and expected a million things but u somehow managed to surprise me and yet still stay true to the world and characters u created and ugh, it’s all so perfect.

speaking of, the pacing of this fic is so good. like u manage to take us thru a whirlwind time period that doesn’t feel fast or drawn out or anything other than perfect. u have such a good awareness of pacing that it makes me so jealous and yet so pleased as a reader. like nothing about their love confessions or trysts felt rushed or forced. it felt so natural and true to the people they were and the world that they live in.

also i said before in the other ask how i love the way u utilize sex scenes in the fic. u sprinkle them in at just the right moment and they manage to be hot but they also reveal so much about the characters involved. like i’m specifically thinking of the scene in tanaka’s home where she asks why he won’t touch her and he says that she didn’t give him permission. like the love and devotion in that way of thinking felt so true and yet in the end he still did it and ugh that breaks my heart in the best way bc i know my pain as a reader is nothing next to his pain as a character. i would actually love to pick ur brain about how u decided on the ending. did it come to u in the moment or did u set out writing the fic knowing it would end up like that? so many questions rlly bc u created a world and a cast of characters that are so interesting like i would literally read books about them. (esp val. i loved how headstrong and proud she was but also how weak and emotional she could be. her ending made me sad but u kno, it made sense) and i’m especially curious to find out how tanaka copes after. like i can’t imagine that daichi would just accept his loyalty again but u do manage to surprise me in the best way so who knows. but i also mourn for him which is a little odd for me bc after finding out that he knew about daichi’s affair i felt betrayed and it hurt for some reason which is so interesting bc i trusted him and felt like i knew him, but u still managed to keep parts of him hidden, which is so cool.

oh and despite the tragic ending, u fed us so good with scenes of the two everywhere. like i love how we got to see tanaka and val in their own homes and at parties and we truly got to see how they act when they’re alone and when they’re comfortable and when they’re playing the part of loyal bodyguard or loyal wife. ugh it’s all so good and tbh i only finished it like maybe half an hour again but i already want to read it again bc it was so fucking good and the way u write emotions like yearning and heartbreak is so good like ugh. everything about the way u wrote this fic was so amazing and fuck tumblr for eating my ask but i hope i at least manage to repeat the majority of what was in the og ask lol.

hello anon <3

It is the weekend so I finally have enough brain power to reply.

I wanted to be selfish and keep this in my inbox forever, because this might be the kindest, most appreciative thing everyone has ever said to me about my writing. Toska is a piece of my heart and my soul in written word, and to have received something like this? It’s... indescribable. You have picked up on so many of the small details, symbols, and more that I littered throughout the fic, and you’ve called out the things that I was excited about people reading and reacting to.

Fic Spoilers below the cut.

everything is so well done and all of those things are super hard to pull off on their own so props to u for being able to do all of those.

Thank you so much. I constantly worried that it was too long, too boring, that there wasn’t enough smut in there to be sexy, or that the plot ultimately didn’t make sense. This means everything to me. Pacing is one of the most important things in a fic to me, because I am the kind of person that easily loses interest when I read. 

details. i love the way u include the little things in the fic.

ahhhhhhhhh!!!! I’m glad this helped you to picture everything! I actually used real life dresses, shoes, locations (google Villa La Vigie, it is STUNNING). I was a fashion student, and I now work in the fashion industry so small details to convery luxury is extremely important to me. I love that it made all the difference to you.

i could literally write paragraphs about how well u included symbols in this fic.

fuck, wow. this. This is what I was truly hoping for. I love figuring out foreshadowing in movies, in books, in tv series. I try to write things that foreshadowing what going to happen in the end throughout of every one of my fics, but this is the first time someone called it out, and I am truly grateful for it. The viper necklace thing is a moment I was very proud of. and when Tanaka tells Val to stop talking about Daichi when they’re alone on the bed together: that’s the first instance where we see his guilt that he knows. Also, when Tanaka says “why dont i finish what I started,” is another thing I linked to the ending.

the way that action happens in the fic is so well done and not predictable but still in line with what you’ve revealed to us about the characters.

kasjsdfhksjdfsd I always thought people could see right through me and how I was going to end it!!!!!!! This means so much thank you! I kept thinking, “fuck people know he’s going to kill her, this is so predictable, all these extra scenes are so boring, is it even worth it?” so AH thank you!

thank you again for the pacing comment <3

i love the way u utilize sex scenes in the fic. u sprinkle them in at just the right moment 

hehehehehehe this makes me very happy. tbh, I wasn’t expecting there to be SO MUCH PLOT when I wrote this fic. I had mapped everything out and planned for it to be about... 5k? words? It ended up being 21k all together lmao. I actually thought there wasn’t enough smuttiness in the entire thing, so thanks for letting me now that it was just the right amount. I was worried because the only time I actually describe them fucking with Tanaka’s dick inside her, is that measley one paragraph at the Monte Carlo Casino. When I realised that, I was in utter shock. I was texting @mindninjax in the discord server like “FUCK. I can’t believe I haven’t actually written sex sex.” Then I went into thinking how disappointed people were going to be and phew, it was a whirlwind of a night.

i would actually love to pick ur brain about how u decided on the ending. did it come to u in the moment or did u set out writing the fic knowing it would end up like that? so many questions rlly

ask away, send in questions. I built this world beyond what I’ve written. I have character layouts and plans for every person I introduced, and have ideas for fics on all of them.

To answer your question, I knew exactly how I wanted it to end before I began writing. That end scene is what I thought of first. Exactly like that, with it being cut off mid-sentence to represent her being shot. That sort of “boom” or feeling of shock where you just stare at the screen is the exact reaction I wanted to get when I finished writing, so I hope that is what happened.

So just, thank you so much anon. For everything, for taking the time to write out this ask a second time after Tumblr ate the first one. It has kept me going since the day you sent it. I really appreciate you, and please, chat to me anytime x

Thank you.

Spasiba x

[mousehole5000]

tgcf again chapters 174-191. im now midway through book 4. pain and suffering. and yet also.... this is really good.... but also.... pain...

okay cave of ten thousand gods everythings coming out into the light.... xie lian pretending not to hear fengqing drop their act im emotional..... fengqing silently working together to separate xie lian and hua cheng im emotional..... every word that comes out of mu qing’s mouth im emotional....

honestly reading the xianle trio discussing hua cheng.. its very hard for me NOT to project all the times ive been in a friendship trio and someone got a boyfriend the other two didnt like (which was every time. theres never been a bf everyone liked. sometimes i was the one who had the bf. there were no winners then and tbh i predict there will be no real winners here as far as this friendship goes but such is life)

mu qing is so smart he’s clever he’s tricksy i love it i love him ugh

“A pair of arms had circled around him from behind, and hugged him with force all of a sudden. Xie Lian had buried his face in his back, and also didn’t speak. Though nothing was said, it was enough.” okay i cant get into every different way im feeling about whats going down bc it would get Too Personal but this..... im emo. also xie lian saying “something like this has to be said clearly“ and then proceeding to not say a word just going in for a hug is a mood

“He heard Hua Cheng’s staggering voice coming from above. “...Your Highness. You really…will be the death of me.” - ok well DONT SAY THAT!! now im worried!!!

“Hua Cheng, however, only snorted, appearing as if his eyes could see through the thick rocky walls. He said darkly, “Don’t worry. If he kills one, I’ll make ten more. Fast and furious like the storms, I will never back down. Let’s see who’s the one left standing in the end.” Xie Lian’s heart skipped a beat for some reason, and he mumbled inwardly, “... Oh no, this is bad.” Even though Hua Cheng’s expression was subconsciously displayed, Xie Lian really was quite weak to this aggressive and rebellious confidence of his.” - fjadskfajsl its okay xie lian honey you never know whats going to do it for you

okay so are the murals and statues are only from the xianle era? im hoping hua cheng didnt secretly follow xie lian during his time as a mortal during the entire 800 years and then pretend to a total stranger that would be too much imo lets see. i still really do get why feng xin and mu qing are like “...dude wtf lets get out of here stay away from that guy” (also tbh probably if theyd all managed to stay close... this probably wouldnt be happening which isnt a judgement im just saying bc thats definitely how ive felt about friendships) although this whole thing IS indeed tinged with homophobia which i still dont think makes sense in this setting but whatever i guess.

BOOK 4!!!! im scared

“A few days ago he nearly fainted, and it was only after that did he realize it was because he hadn’t had anything to eat for several days.” - unfortunately relatable but :(

“Ever since Xie Lian was young, he had never had to consider these kinds of affairs, and this was truly the first time in decades that this problem gripped him. However, if gods didn’t even know what starvation felt like, how could they possibly understand the feelings of a starving worshipper? How could they possibly empathize? At this point, he could only take this experience as a form of training.” - TRUE THO!!!!!!!! i like seeing this even tho the circumstances are sad

wait does xie lian get his bad cooking skills from him mom? im gonna cry...

“After returning to the city, Mu Qing’s stomach was still turning. He said as he stumbled, “I thought…that porridge, it smelled like bran water, but I hadn’t thought it’d taste like it too!” Feng Xin gritted his teeth. “Shut up! Don’t force people to remember that pot of stuff! The queen is…body of ten thousand gold after all…never cooked…this is already…UGH!…” Mu Qing humphed. “Did I say something wrong? If you didn’t think it was like bran water, why don’t you…go ask the queen to grant you another bowl! UGH!…” The two were heaving back and forth, and Xie Lian grabbed hold of the both of them, patting their backs.” - xianle trio.... including simply because it made me do the pleading emoji in real life..... also the way the queen wanted to feed all of them... weeping

i didnt realize that mu qing would still be around during this time.... god the fact that i know theyre all going to split......

“It’s precisely because it’s a time like this that money has to be brought up!” Mu Qing countered. “A time like this? What time is it? Time when we’re starving! It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to admit it, but nothing can be done without money! Can you both not just suck it up a little bit?” - mu qing i love you. god.... for real the fact that he comes from a completely different background than the other two is so important to his character and i think it shows so much in the way he continues to be in the present. he gives me the vibe of someone who is smart and hardworking but is bitter about it and tbh!!!! i get why he is!!! he’s very aware of these kinds of concerns bc he’s had to be, while the other two kind of think theyre above it and its a big difference between them. he’s still separated by the circumstances of his birth despite how much harder he’s worked to get to where he is.... ugh painful and delicious

i really am enjoying the xianle story tbh. xie lian going from his highness, favored by heaven, well-intentioned but lacking in experience and understanding to living in poverty and fighting with mortals who disrespect him. fucking delicious i mean this sincerely and respectfully im sad but i really like his character arc. and then to how he is in the present....

“Mu Qing looked at him, speaking not a word. Then he bowed deeply and really turned around to walk away.” - OH NO ITS HAPPENING AHHHHH ;_; honestly all of this hurts but it feels real like i think mu qing has every right to want to leave honestly and he DOES have other family and other ambitions outside of the trio... and i get why feng xin is mad about him wanting to leave when theyre suffering!! and i get why xie lian lets him go.... friendships are hard man and the pain of them splitting is rough!!!!

“Mu Qing’s departure had really shocked him to the core. First, he had never thought that someone so close would just up and leave. Second, Xie Lian had always believed in “forever”. For example, friends would always be friends forever; no betrayal, no deception, no breaking up. Perhaps there’d be times when they’d part, but it for sure wouldn’t be over reasons like “life is too horrible” - pain. just pain. same as above i get it but it hurts

“Xie Lian didn’t know too well just how much money would be considered normal when buying over ten lanterns, and he never looked at the price tag when he purchased things in the past.” - i feel bad kicking him while he’s down and he’s still trying to be kind even when it costs him but this is the first thing that came into my mind

but also oh?? spirits of soldiers from the battlefield you say?? hmmm i wonder... who.... could possibly be among them....

“If you remain forcibly, you won’t be able to rest in peace,” Xie Lian said. The nameless ghost didn’t seem to care. “I pray to never rest in peace.” -  i cant lie this legit gave me goosebumps lol

“Xie Lian himself was alright in suffering through it, since there were far too many other things to worry about. But his mother, who had lived a comfortable, luxurious life, when had she ever done such crude labour? But if the queen didn’t do this work herself, who else could take over?” - hmmmm!!! housekeeping!!!! it matters!!!! rich people dont appreciate how much until they have to do it themselves!!! but this still makes me sad

oh god THATS when they pawned hongjing?? with the king sick and mu qing leaving?? :(((( even more emotional about its appearances in the present day

“That passerby chuckled. “You don’t know? This is too exciting! The servant is beating the master!” - oh god the dramatic and ironic timing of it all

god..... this is just... a sad time....

“MU QING ISN’T LIKE YOU ALL. HE’S MY FRIEND, HE WOULD NEVER HELP YOU!!!” [cut to] “Those were the only words echoing in Xie Lian’s mind, but he couldn’t utter a single sound, and could only crazily grab at anything at his disposal to throw. He didn’t care who he was hurling at, either. Finally, Mu Qing couldn’t take this anymore, and he steeled his face as he swept his sleeves and left. Xie Lian panted harshly for a bit and fell back down, spacing out again.”- IM SAD!!!!!! tbh i wonder if on some level xie lian kind of felt like mu qing owed him? i know he said to forget about that stuff to both of them but its one thinig to say it and think you mean it and another to have to deal with it

white no-face what is your DEAL!! also all the little fire ghost bits im...

“After having exchanged so many words, Feng Xin finally got the gist of what had transpired. He widened his eyes and pointed at Mu Qing, unable to speak. A moment later, he bent down and grabbed a sack and flung it over, roaring. “SCRAM! SCRAM SCRAM SCRAM!” Mu Qing was hit in the face by the sacks of rice he brought and backed two steps away. All three of them in the house were panting harshly.” - this is it this is the part where i closed my laptop and said “noOOooOOOoooo” out loud to my room im so upset... and mu qing still tried to leave the rice even after the broom thing im ;_;

“Feng Xin was completely convinced that he would never do such a thing, but that was precisely why this had become the worst-case scenario!” - pain, suffering, dismay, etc

“Feng Xin continued, “If Your Highness thinks your life might be in danger, I can finish this for you, I won’t tell Her Majesty, haha.” - bless your heart for trying feng xin

“But it shouldn’t be like this. The Feng Xin of the past would have absolute faith in him no matter what! Even if there was only twenty percent doubt, it was still unbearable!” - AHHHHHHH okay idk if i really have much to say about their relationship other than im sad but IM SAD!!!!

the differences between feng xin and mu qing’s relationship with xie lian are so interesting. feng xin has clearly always idolized xie lian a lot while mu qing hasnt at least not in the same way and he seems like he has some resentment towards xie lian (thats how i read it anyway thats what i said about it at the beginning of book 2 and i think its understandable and can be a very real part of friendships) that feng xin doesnt and i just think thats neat!!

“He was firmly tied down upon the altar, that broken base of the statue under his body. There were many people squeezed below the altar, and pair after pair of round, unblinking eyes were watching him.” - hmmm dont think i like where this is going

“Yet, before he could finish, he realized that the white silk that he used to cover his face had been undone. In this moment, the thing that had him completely tied down was that exact white silk.” oh my god wait is this ruoye?? is ruoye that same ribbon???? ill cry

“The hand stained with blood, the one that ended a life, was immune to the Face Disease.” - ohhh shit okay. okay okay. okay. shit okay. i See now.... so if youre an innocent civilian the only way to escape this fate (and the faces are actually the souls of other innocent civilians) is to get rid of your innocence... and doesnt this disease not actually hurt its just horrific? god.............

“White No-Face pitied, “You think they don’t want to do it? Wrong, it’s not that they don’t want to, it’s solely because no one wants to be the first, that’s all.” - shut up!!! youre the one who created this situation dont fucking preach about the way you think the world is

“He forced down the mouthful of blood and hissed, “What are you laughing at? You think that you got what you wanted? This was all forced by you!” The ghost fire within the ghost’s hand flickered even more fiercely.” - yes exactly!!! you put people in extreme circumstances sometimes they do extreme things!! youve proved nothing!! god i do love when characters say exactly what im thinking. plus the first ones who caved were trying to save their child

“He felt that, if he was to let them do what they wanted, there was something in his heart that would never return to its original state.” - :( also i kind of feel that in my life sometimes and i just hope xie lian’s heart ends up in a state he’s happy with

“He didn’t dare to look at what had become of the person lying on the altar, because what laid there didn’t look human anymore.” AHHHHHH!!! :(((( i mean i get why this event is what made hc... level up??? thats not a good way to describe it fjasldkfjaslk but you know what i mean... that line about being powerless to help your beloved OOOOOOF

okay well finished that chapter im. pain. hmmm. pain. i dont know if i actually have any words rn lol but im gonna stop here for now

[witchygalaxys]

The Arcana Alternate Universe.

I have this alternate Universe idea for the Arcana where Asra is actually a powerful evil wizard and Lucio is the true hero. Alright So here is sorta every ones new roles in this universe. In this world Vesuvia is the new capital of a cruel vicious kingdom ruled under the most vile king there has ever been. But there is a rebellion trying to fight for their freedom and the safety of their people. Two clans who were once enemies came together as one in order to fight the king and the kings love. (I do not know a gender neutral way to say king or queen soooooo spouse will have to do.)

Asra is a powerful wizard who used his power to take control of not just Vesuvia but an entire country. He is known as the blood covered King. He is ruthless and loves to torture. He rules the country with his spouse (The MC) The MC and Asra are known for their undying sick love that they have for eachother. (Its like a Joker Harley Quinn kind of relationship.) He isn't afraid to beat his spouse. But some one is wiggling into his good graces. It was true that Asra and the MC were once madly and insanely in love. Some one is whispering behind the scenes convincing Asra that he doesn't need his spouse and that his spouse is an eye sore.

Nadia is the one whispering behind the scenes. Trying to become queen by discarding MC. She is also known as a seer who can peak into the future. She gives Asra advice in battles. She is also Asra's mistress. She is sneaky and cunning. She knows how to twist words and tell lies as if they were the truth. She wants power more than anything. Being the youngest princess she sees no other way to get power unless she married into it. She slipped her way in between Asra and the MC and whispered sweet lies to Asra to get him to betray the MC.

Portia is a general in Asra's army. She is as ruthless of a killer as her king. She hates everything and every one except for the King and the MC. She has a special friendship with the MC. They like to torture people together. She is especially cautious of Nadia. She wants to rip Nadia apart but doesn't because of her King. She hates a lot of things but nothing more than her brother. After Julian left Portia was taken into slavery and taught to kill and fight for entertainment. She blames Julian for her cruel hard life. It was the MC who bought Portia off of her former master and made her into a general.

MC (You) MC is just as messed up as their husband. MC is although much more frail and can not do magic unlike their husband. MC takes out their frustration on innocent people that they capture off the streets. Like I said before MC and Asra have a very much joker like relationship. While they seem like the perfect insaine couple on the outside Asra is known to beat the MC. And the MC will always come crawling back to him. Not knowing Asra is having an affair with their advisor/seer Nadia.

Lucio is actually not called Lucio. In this Universe he stayed with his clan and became the leader keeping his name Montag and wearing it like a badge of honor. He is also one of the leaders of the rebelion against Asra. Lucio is much more serious and very smart. He is even a better fighter than his mother. He did kill his father but it was in an honorable fight where Lucio became the leader of his people. He even defeated his mother in battle but did not kill her. Instead he asked her to stay and help teach him how to be a good leader. He doesn't care for gold or fancy things. He is also much more caring of others. He tries to hide it and come off as tough but it sneaks out every now and then. Under Lucio's leadership the clan prospered and made peace with Muriels People. Him and Muriel are actually really good friends. They have also made their clans become one in order go fight a common enemy. Asra.

Muriel is also the leader of his people now. And is another leader of the rebellion. He is much more confident and brave. He actually enjoys fighting and can use his peoples magic. He can transform himself into a bear when need be. Because Lucio's and Muriels people never battled and destroyed eachother Muriels Parents ended up having another child. A son. Who is married and has two kids of their own. A daughter named Maya and a son (I dont have a name for him yet.) Muriels niece and nephew. Unfortunately Muriels father and brother and sister in law died to the cruelty of the king. He helps take care of his niece and nephew with the help of his mother Who is a shaman. His niece even calls him Big brother Muri. Muriel is as tall and strong looking as ever but he looks up to Lucio very much and admires him. He thinks of Lucio like a big brother.

Julian is a doctor for the rebellion. He believes that Portia is under an evil spell to make her the way she is. He has been dabbling in magic trying to find a way the break the "curse" he thinks she is under. Not realizing that is just the person she is now. He has a deep hatred for the king and his spouse. He practices magic on people who the rebellion has captured. He only uses it on people who are loyal to the king. His personality is pretty much the same except he blames others more so than he blames himself. He never relaxes and is constantly working on something.

THE STORY!

Alright so the story starts sorta isekei style and you suddenly find your self in the MC's body. It can be that, you are from the original arcana story or, are from this universe and you know all these characters from the game but they are completely different from the game. Eaither way...

You wake up in a holding cell in beautiful fancy clothing but in chains. You are being guarded by 2 armed soldiers that wear fur and leather. You are sitting on a dirt floor and have no idea what is going on. You know your past life (or not and you just have amnesia) but you don't know who you are now. Afraid to say anything you just don't. Every day you are dragged out of the cell and interrogated. They are asking questions that you don't know the answer to. So you just stay silent. Afraid if they know that you don't know anything that they will kill you. You don't want to give any indication that something is wrong with you for fear that you will lose your usefulness.

You learn various things from whispers you hear in your cell. And from the interrogation. You notice that every one just wants you dead. That you are a (King or Queen) and that your husband is a King of the kingdom you are in. You notice your body is weaker than most and you bruise easily. When you get hurt the pain is almost unbearable. A cut feels like a gun shot. A lot of people want to torture you to get the answers out but the leaders refuse. Saying they do not want to lower them selves to the level of the king. You learn from an interrogation that apparently your husband has one of their people and are trying to drill you for information on where they are. You hear whispers how the king will be coming for you any day now. But as time goes on they question if the king just abandoned you.

As days go on you don't say a single word. Afraid to give your self away. They try to make you comfortable to get you to talk but you can some how see peoples true intent as an aura around them. Some one is acting very kind towards you but you can see they just want you dead. Eventually a little girl starts talking to you through a small bard window on the floor. She gives you watermellon slices and talks to you. She just talks about her day and about the mean kid who bullies her. Eventually you speak with her and learn her name is Maya. The person the king has in custody is her grandmother a powerful shaman. You ask her why she talks to you when you are a criminal in the eyes of her people. She simply says "You don't feel like a bad person." Maya is an empath and can sence peoples true nature.

She brings you a slice of watermellon everyday and talks to you every day. About 2 months later Maya is caught talking to you. You are pulled out of your cell and tied to a post. Maya tries to explain that you are not a bad person but no one knows of Maya's empathic ability. So they just believe she has been tricked. Muriel and Lucio are their standing infront of you with their arms crossed. This is the first time you have seen them in this world. Muriel punches the post just above your head and is snaps like a twig. Demanding you tell them where the Shaman is. Lucio puts his hand on Muriels arm to calm him down. Lucio tells you that this is your final chance to make up for what you have done.

You finally scream that you do not know. Maya tells every one that you have no memory. People mumble and actually believe you. They have noticed that you have been acting very different from the person they know you to be. They bring up how you even said thank you to the person who brought you food and ate all of the food given to you. APPARENTLY The food is very disgusting stuff that they wouldn't want to eat. But it tasted delicious to you.

They shake their heads and tell you that you are being traded back to the king for the Shaman tomorrow. You have no idea who the king is but he is suppose to come to the meeting spot himself to pick you up.

The next day comes and you are taken in chains to a spot in the forest. So deep into the forest you would get easily lost if you just walked willy nilly. You are taken by Lucio and Lucio alone because that was the rules of the switch. He looks straight into your eyes and asks you firmly if you truly don't remember a thing about what you have done. You nod and he just turns away and pushes you forward.

Eventually you see Asra standing with his foot pressing the Shamans head to the ground. The older woman looks so beaten up and weak she can barely move. Asra appears to be alone as well. Lucio is biting his lip trying to hold back from trying to beat the crap out of Asra.

You are in shock at the sight you see before you. From eaither of your memories of the Asra that you know or just to see who the man is that you are married to.

Asra lifts the woman up by her chains and pushes her forward. Lucio pushes you forward at the same time. You can see the woman limping across to Lucio. As you look at her you notice a glint of light coming from the trees and can see the aura of some one who is ready to kill. You immediately turn towards the woman and charge at her. Asra just smirks watching you and Lucio charges at you to try and stop you from hurting the woman. You then shove the woman out of the way just in time for you to be shot in the chest by a magical arrow. Asra looks shocked and so does Lucio.

Asra just says calmly "Kill them all." And people hidden in the trees come out from their hiding spots. The shaman wobbles over to you and presses firmly on your wound. As many assasins drop from the trees. You see Asra's intent to kill and all of them. Lucio is quickly surrounded but then his own people come charging out from their hiding places and block their attacks.

It turns into an all out battle field. In the chaos Asra walks right up to you smacking the shaman to the ground and calmly smiles and holds up what looks like a very old pistol up to your head and says. "You just had to make this messy didn't you. You arnt even worth the magic to kill you."

You feel rage inside you just boiling up. Everything starts to slow down and rocks begin to levitate. Soon even the people begin to levitate. Except for Asra who looks shocked. You grab his gun and stand up. And just knee him in the balls. Every one just stops and looks at you in shock from the air.

You then scream and every on incuding Asra is thrown away from you. The trees all fall away from you like a great force pushed them away. You then get dizzy and pass out.

(I'm trying to think of a better way for that scene to play out. I want their to be shown that you now have extremely powerful magic and for Asra to be shocked by your change.)

You wake up in a medical tent. You feel intense pain in your chest and see Julian is taking care of you. You then fade back out of contiousnes. You wake up again to hear arguing between Julian and Muriel. Julian is asking why he needs to save your life. That they should just let you die. Muriel explains its because you saved his mother's life. And that you may be useful against Asra. You then fade back out of contiousness. 2 weeks go by and you wake up to find the Shaman and Maya by your bed. Maya hugs you but tries to be gentle because of your wound. The Shaman thanks you for what you had done. You notice her wounds are looking so much better as well.

(Thats all I got..... I was working off the idea of if you were reborn as a villian who has done terrible awful things and how you would work with that. As well as seeing people you know act completely different from how you know them and how you would react. Also I should explain Asra's plan. He was planning on killing both you and the Shaman to show that they cant use anything against him because he truly loves no one. To show the rebelion he has no weaknesses. It was actually all Nadia's idea. As a way to get rid of the MC once and for all. It was also meant to be a punishment for the MC for allowing themselves to get captured in the first place. But now Asra is very interested by the MC's sudden change and sudden power. He finds it entertaining and it sparked some admiration towards the MC. Nadia is not happy about it. Asra did not have Portia involved in the plan due to Portia's protective nature over MC. Although he knows Portia would obey him no matter what, but he did not want Portia to question him at all and he knew if Portia and the people knew of this plan to kill his spouse.... many questions would be asked)

[theodcra-blog]

✱  kim  doyeon.  she  /  her.  cis  female.  —  i  know  that  theodora  “  theo  ”  jung  is  one  of  the  roses.  which  makes  sense  because  the  twenty  year  old’s  parents  are  hollywood  royalty  known  for  producing  and  recording  multi-platinum  awarded  albums.  rumors  say  that  they  are  the  quixotic  of   the   group  ,  but  who  knows  if  that’s true.  +  plucking  petals  off  of  daisies  in  the  name  of  a  crush  ,  steeping  teabags  for  too  long  ,  the  scent  of  perfume  left  behind  on  a  pillowcase.

                   hello  !  im  xan  and  im  late  as  usual  but  alas  ...  😔  im  22  ,  from  the  est  timezone  (  even  though  my  sleeping  schedule  …  does  not  reflect  that  sjbdwjkbdjdw  )  &  i  go  by  she  /  her  pronouns  !  i  truly  ...  never  know  what  im  doing  with  intros  they  just  turn  out  long  &  messy  aha  ... are  u  ready  ?  *jungkook vc*  let’s  get  it  !  😋

━  ˙ ˖  ☆     QUICK STATS  !

full name: theodora marie jung.

nickname(s): theo, teddy, dora (  but only by bullies 😠 ).

zodiac: libra sun, aqua moon ( click ! ) 

sexuality: bisexual.

occupation: singer / songwriter, model. 

birthplace: los angeles, california.

current residence: wherever this rp is taking place aha x

━  ˙ ˖  ☆     BACKSTORY ! ( tw: sexual themes )

so her parent’s story was actually a pretty big scandal in the 90′s ! basically theo’s mom was the pretty famous front woman of a band ( think stevie nicks in fleetwood mac ) who was long engaged to the guitarist of that same band....until one day it was announced she was quitting the group and starting her solo career, leaving her fiance, and signing to a new label.....which was run by theo’s father, a young up & coming producer taking over the family business. not even three months later theo’s mom releases her first solo album, produced and co-written by theo’s father, basically detailing this years long affair the two had been having... in a series of really catchy, moving, and wildly successful songs. 

the public went crazy over the drama, especially when rumors started circulating ( through detailed analysis of the lyrics to all of theo’s mom’s solo songs ) that the well known band had actually been quite toxic. basically it was enough to convince media outlets and fans alike to forgive theo’s parents for being cheaters and breaking up the band JSDBWBDJWBD. by the time theo was born in the last year of the iconic decade that launched both her parents into stardom, everyone couldn’t be happier the two stars were getting the happy life they deserved <3

so here comes baby theo.....and the world kind of just immediately labels her as america’s sweetheart. her mom had some minor health issues which just meant it would be safer to not have anymore kids after theo, so not only was she this little angel to the public, she was also her parent’s little miracle baby ! lets just say she had some big shoes to fill bc of all the expectations ..

luckily no one had to worry abt her being a demon child JSBDJWDWJ because she turned out to be a very sweet kid ! she was a HUGE daydreamer since she spent a lot of time alone growing up </3 her mom had retired from singing and was now helping theo’s dad run the label, and the two of them were always busy looking for new talent to sign. she didn’t have any siblings and although she had a really attentive nanny it just .. wasn’t the same ?? so to #Cope JSBDWBSBDJW theo was always creating these super elaborate little fantasy worlds. it wasn’t uncommon for u to find her deeply engrossed playing barbies alone like she had scripts and everything 

by the time she was a preteen her parents were both really pressuring theo into thinking about a singing career, so wanting to please them ( and knowing that it was something she was kinda into anyway ) theo said ok sure ! and that’s where.....things start to take a turn. since she was so young she had this very very clean, innocent, cute image ( think disney stars ) & most of the music she was making was used for kids shows or movies. she didn’t really mind it so much but she noticed that her creative process wasn’t really valued ? or taken very seriously by her parents, because in their eyes like that’s their kid you know she’s still young, she’s always had her head in the clouds, they just really didn’t think it was a big deal if they took control. 

so theo put up with it, but the years kept going by, she kept getting older, and nothing was really changing. she still had a squeaky clean image, little say in the type of music she was making, but on the outside everything looked great. the public loved her, she was a role model for kids ( even though she was a teenager now ), it was all perfect.....until it wasn’t. when she was 16, she had a scandal akin to the vanessa hudgen’s nude photo leak, except it wasn’t as explicit ( not a nude, just a suggestive pic ) and it was way way worse considering theo was a minor. 

legal action was immediately taken by her parents, but once something’s out there you can’t really stop it from circulating, so the photos existed, just not on any official media sites. it was traumatizing for theo having her privacy breached like that, especially because instead of talking about how disgusting it was that someone would leak those photos when she was just a teen, gossip sites & fans alike were too busy talking about how her image was ruined. since she’d had such a clean, innocent reputation, people kinda forgot that... she was an actual person going through life growing up, and that she wasn’t perfect. 

theo, being the optimist she is, was like hey you know what? this is my chance to stop making music i dont love. after what was probably her first truly honest convo with her parents, they agreed she should be free to figure herself and her art out. so for the remainder of her teenage years theo fell off the face of the music world....

only to pop back up in the modeling one ! like most celebrities, social media had a big say in this. since reputation wasn’t something theo had going for her anymore, what she did have was a hell of a following still and two famous parents ( not to mention ... shes tall JSBDJWBDWJ ) she did maybe one runway show before deciding she hated that. tbh she hated any modeling that felt too constricting, which is why she never ended up doing anything for big names & mostly does stuff for foreign brands & magazines. 

she liked how much aesthetics had to do with modeling, and to some extent being a part of shoots satisfied that creative itch she had, but music was always her first love. theo really wanted to go back and revisit it, but she was scared the public’s reaction wouldn’t be what she hoped /: 

so following in her mother’s footsteps, theo’s re entrance into the music scene was an ep ( 100% written, produced, edited, you name it, by her ) she released on the eve of her 18th bday basically explaining everything she went through with art. it was only four songs + an interlude, which would become the most talked about part of the whole thing because it was snippets of various reporters talking about that photo leak.

the public had mixed feelings ! unlike with what happened with her parents, not everyone was ready to “forgive” theo. and since she hadn’t done any promo for her music, or for her career as an artist independent from her parent’s famous label, it wasn’t like she was making crazy money and getting all this recognition. but !! she was insanely insanely happy, and that’s when she realized making music wasn’t something she did for other people, just something she liked to share, so what did it really matter if she could be more famous if she was an artist under her parent’s label ? 

cue present day theo, model & singer, although the labels are pretty loose. although her music is getting way more recognition than it did three years ago, she’s still trying to do things independently from her parents, and she still has yet to become a chanel ambassador or anything crazy SDWBKWKFW. because of that she’s kind of garnered this new reputation for herself as one of those celebs that don’t really feel like celebs, like maybe she’s just like u except let’s be real she’s rich and her experiences are NOT universal even if her cute insta pic talking about ~her feelings~ in the caption makes u think they are

━  ˙ ˖  ☆     PERSONALITY + TIDBITS !

not even gonna lie to u guys....she is baby. i dont mean that in a uwu shes 20 but im gonna weirdly make her act like a child way im not a freak shes just baby ! like i mentioned earlier theo was a HUGE daydreamer growing up, and tbh she still is except now that’s she’s older her overactive imagination can kinda get her into trouble. a good example of that is the fact that since she’s so keen to see the silver linings in life and the bright sides, she can neglect the bad sides of people and situations so things still fit into her romanticized vision /: this was the cause for many heartbreaks in theo’s life, and she’s still guilty of doing this although she’s trying to work on it !

very much the kind of person to treat everyone like a friend ( that means strangers too ) until you prove you should be treated otherwise. it takes a lot for her to not fuck with you, so if she doesn’t like you then you probably did something to deserve it /: she’s always had a curious personality as well so it’s really easy for her to connect with people just because she’s constantly fascinated by what she doesn’t know about a person. sometimes it can make ppl uncomfortable just how casually she can have a deep convo, but she just never had that filter where she has to know you for 5 years before she opens up about her trauma </3 you know how when bp’s rose and red velvet’s joy had dinner for the first time rose made joy cry bc she was talking abt her family and stuff ? JSDBWBDW theo is rose ... she’s out there sharing trauma deepening that bond day 1 of knowing you baby !  🤧

despite all that she’s still kind of maintained this elusive air to her? it’s not like she does it on purpose, or like no one knows the real her, it’s more like just when you’ve learned one new thing about her you realize there’s that many more things you don’t know. it also doesn’t help the fact that she’s constantly romanticizing everything, most of all herself, so she’s really crafted this “dream girl” persona without fully realizing it. im not exaggerating when i say john green wants what she has </3 

a lot of times people see her as naive, not because she often sees the good in people or anything like that ( although she does ), but because she has this overwhelming sureness that everything works out in the end. to be fair though, for her, things usually do. call it good karma, luck, whatever you want, but the fact of the matter is even when it looks like there’s no way a situation can turn out well for her, somehow it does. it’s a healthy combination of money, privilege, and a charming personality but to theo it’s proof that she’s right.

naturally.....as an air sign JSBDJWBJWBD she’s a huge flirt ! the media’s always linking her to someone because she really makes it seem like she’s dating half of hollywood when the reality is she’s just being friendly. when she actually likes someone it kind of turns into a huge deal like she gets infatuated with her crushes, swears she’s in love — and then poof. one day she wakes up & realizes she’s kinda over it ... until the next person comes along of course <3

hates conflict and confrontation.....and i mean HATES it to the point where she doesn’t even confront stuff within herself ( i.e. “negative” feelings like sadness ) until one day it all bubbles over and she’s having a legit breakdown and dying her hair red. 

yes, that’s exactly what happened last year, although if you ask theo about it she’ll just be like aha what do you mean i just wanted red hair luv x 

pictures like these ( click ! ) of theo when she'd be walking around LA in her school uniform used to go viral on twitter. 

desperately wishes she was the type of singer ppl would throw their bras at on stage when the reality is she’s out there making some chill bedroom pop kind of stuff so rip that dream </33333 

knows how to play the piano and the guitar, but keeps joking one day she’s gonna make an album and only use her recorder as the instrumentals.

has a white british longhair kitty named zoe.

is 100% that bitch that can only drink sweet drinks & fruity cocktails and u know what she’s valid for it ! 

if she wasn’t famous she’d be making slime. legit running a slime making insta, those were her guilty pleasure & shes so mad they aren’t that popular anymore JSBDJWBDJW

u know that post that’s like “i hate making tea i always feel so bad about throwing away the tea bag i feel like i should just eat it” ? thats theo 

━  ˙ ˖  ☆     WANTED CONNECTIONS !

BEST FRIENDS: a power duo the public either loves or hates, ride or dies, that 1 person theo would drop everything for no matter what.....yeah 🥺 they’d be the person she’s closest to & vice versa !   

CHILDHOOD / FAMILY FRIENDS: their famous parents were friends, so it’s only natural they wanted their kids to be friends too. just imagine the stories ..... the memories .... maybe they got along really well and are still friends today ! or maybe theo pushed your muse off of the swings ( she claims it was an accident ) and your muse never forgot and to this day they’re sworn enemies.....</3 or less dramatic......they just drifted apart and now it’s like hey we used to be so close aha thats awkward let me just smile at you and walk away ....

LIKE SIBLINGS: someone who sees theo as a sister, and who theo considers her unofficial sibling. most likely she’s gonna bother the shit out of this person as siblings do but they really mean a lot to her because it’s the family she never had /: 

CONFIDANTS: the one person theo keeps finding herself talking about the things she usally keeps inside with. i think it’d be funny if both of them find it weird to do things like go out to lunch or shop together because that’s not what they’re used to !

ACQUAINTANCES: friends who are only really friends when both of them are wasted or friends who only comment heart eye emojis and fire sign emojis under each others insta posts but don’t actually talk much for whatever reason

FRIENDS THAT DATED: maybe things just ended amiably between them, or maybe it’s like an “everyone told us we should date so we tried it and boy was that the weirdest thing we ever did” situation. either way the outcome is they’e still friends <3

CAHOOTS: what is this u may ask ? someone theo can be in cahoots with. she has a dumb idea that no one else is likely to say yes to? she goes to ur muse. ur muse has an idea no one in their right mind would say yes to? they go to theo. these two are in cahoots !  

BAD INFLUENCE: although that america’s sweetheart reputation is gone, overall theo is still seen as a “good girl” by the public. she’s not one to be in a lot of scandals so i think it’d be really fun if your muse is corrupting that ( whether they’re doing it on purpose or not ) and whenever theo’s with them she just somehow always manages to end up in trouble. 

THE BIG EX: theo’s first real relationship, and first real heartbreak. everyone before them had been an infatuation, but your muse was the real deal. maybe the media ruined it, or they ruined it themselves by being too scared of their feelings to stick around, or maybe one of them was willing to try but the other wasn’t. either way it ended badly, and whether those feelings are resolved or not....thats a secret i’ll never tell x

SUMMER FLINGS: give me past & current ( or maybe even recurring ) summer flings where they both know it’s temporary but boy is it fun while it lasts. google their names together and you’ll find paparazzi snapshots on the backs of vespas, on million dollar yachts, holding hands in museums or sunbathing on the beach but by the time fall comes creeping in the romance is over. 

HOOKUPS: friends with benefits and it’s not awkward between them, friends with benefits and it’s super weird between them because they may be crossing over into real feeling territory, one night stands / hookups that were huge mistakes, one night stands or hookups that were or are being kept secret from the rest of the roses for whatever reason, someone who leads theo on but never gets serious about her, or someone she leads on but she never gets serious about, her go-to hookup on a night out when she’s partying, etc. 

WILL THEY WON’T THEY: a friendship that always teeters on the line of something romantic ! maybe they’re both oblivious to the chemistry / tension or maybe they’re aware of it because they get jealous when they hear about the other being with someone else… maybe they refuse to do anything about it because they don’t want to complicate things or maybe they purposefully cross lines when they feel that jealousy…..could be more angsty or it could be more wholesome depending on which way it goes 😈

ARTIST TO ARTIST: i don’t think .... we have any other singers / ppl in the music industry but i could for sure be wrong JSBDSJBDJWD but ! i still would love to have people theo’s worked with before. maybe if your muses has been acting since they were little, theo could have mingled with them back when she was doing music for kids shows & movies. maybe your muse is a model and theo and them have done shoots together before. maybe theo’s written a current song for a movie / tv show your muse was a part of. maybe your muse is a model and theo asked them to feature on the cover of one of her albums. maybe she hired your muse to act in the music video of one of her songs ! maybe your muse can also sing even though that’s not their main thing and theo’s asked them to feature on a song with her. there are soooo many possibilities that could be lots of fun <33

MISC: “we used to party together all the time until that one thing happen that neither of us talk about and now we don’t do that anymore”, someone who took care of drunk theo once and ever since then she’s taken that as an open invitation to knock on your muse’s door at 3 am completely wasted, “we tried to date but the paparazzi caught us on a date and we were too scared / sick of the public eye so we never got far”, flirty friends who say no i’d never sleep with you haha…unless you’re down?, your muse was theo’s first time OR theo was your muse’s first time, stereotypical happy go lucky and grumpy relationship where the grumpy muse pretends not to enjoy the other’s presence, enemies but it can’t be anything petty it would have to be pretty serious so if u want that drama.... 

that’s the end i promise it’s finally over 😭😭😭 i truly just ramble & ramble im really so sorry abt that JSDJWBDJWBDJWBDJW i tried to include as much info as possible to make plotting a little easier for all of us so lets pray this works </3 u can come message me on discord to plot @ seulgi ily ʕ´• ᴥ•̥`ʔ#8172 so give this a like if u wanna .... do that ahahahaha x 

[saportuh]

ok panic concert highlights

(plus some personal adventures)

this was the portland show on the 12th k

so it was a fuckin hour and a half drive bc where i fuckin live now is far away from everything i hate it anyway that sucked & i ran my phone down to 80 percent during said drive which proved problematic

we get there (me & my lil sis) & our dad drops us off & we run up & im bitching about how weird the fucking venue is (it’s normal, it’s just not what i’m used to - in vegas the venues were typically in the casino/resorts so you lined up inside the halls & sat against the walls & tourist-watched, in this venue u stood outside in a line???? ughhh)

so we approach the line & something happens, i’m gonna make a separate post about it because holy shit

befriended two excitable gay kids, maybe 8th or 9th grade?? & i was like woah i was u once. now im old & jaded. eugh. then they bailed on me so.

we got into the arena & were on the wrong fucking side so we had to JOG all the way AROUND THE WHOLE FUCKINGN PLACE UGH

THEN WE GOT IN & SAT IN THE WRONG SEATS so the guy next to me (dad w a thick accent, maybe ukranian?? it wasn’t russian but it was close) politely informed me & i was like fuck well until they get here we’ll stay, but i had anxiety so during an arizona song i pretended to go to the bathroom & came back to look for our actual seat, someone took it so i pussied out & went back, had hella anxiety about it, then before hayley the ppl showed up so we had to move & i had to kick some preps out of their seat & they called my lil sister a bitch ;-;

OK SO ONTO THE PERFORMERS

arizona was cute, gotta check them out... singer kept getting emotional & wiping his eyes, it was sweet, and he was hella feeling himself dancing & stuff lmaoo. idk em but im proud of them.

HAYLEYYYYYYYYYYY her dancing & drumming & outfit??? also all the lesbians/wlw getting crunk in the crowd was so damn good haha

ALSO shout out to hayley’s band, they were so cute??? the guitarist & her kept having moments & he seemed like a cool dude, & the girl on synths was so pretty omg??? & smiley i loved her. & the drummer, they were goin so hard i couldnt get a good look, but they had kewl hair

“if you don’t know anything about me, there’s one thing you should know: I LOVE GIRLS” there was so much gay energy at that show i was teary the whole damn time

k confession, i love everything about hayley but i find her voice a little grating on the ears, something about it, but it was super angelic live & didn’t bug me once, & wanna be missed fucked me up cuz it’s my fucking f a v

SHE DID THE DRUMMY IT WAS HOT 

her oufit was so damn iconic rlly tho, the pants & shoes totes fit her but wouldn't look good on anyone else, but that shirt, the hot dad look w the open v & all the jewelry, holy fuck that’s how im tryna be

during girls like girls, everyone had their lights out & there was a bunch of pride flags out, and i got this gorgeous shot of a gay pride flag illuminated by lights (i posted it)

most of the songs they played between the breaks were gay themed too which was powerful dude i was so damn emotional

then during the countdown to panic, they played the next episode by dre (the “smoke weed every day” song) & then africa by toto jsfndjfndjskfnjdk

THEN PANIC CAME OUT 

WHOLE ASS STRING & BRASS SECTION BDEN RLLY WENT THERE WOAH

KENNY & NICOLE WERE SO CUTE THE WHOLE TIME THEY KEPT GOOFING AROUND ESPECIALLY KENNY IT WAS ADORABLE

THEN BREB POPPED OUT THE DAMN FLOOR

ok several things about breb

one, i never was heavy into panic, but considering how obsessive i was into bandom a few years back, i still know a lot about early panic, livejournal shit, ryden bullshit, etc, so it was really weird being there with normies who were just like “he’s hot & sings good” when i was like “yall lucky fucks never heard of myrtle beach ” dsjfnjsdnfds

two, four years into panic & i never was attracted to brendon, but dude, EVERYONE fell in love with him at this show, myself included, & i was starin at this bitch ass motherfucker in a trance before i was like “wait ur a bastard STOP U ENDEARING DICKWAD” he was so fucking endearing it was ANNOYING cuz i’ve seen some of the shit he’s pulled damnit. srsly tho, so absolutely charming, wow.

three, and what stuck with me most; brendon loves what he does. a little bit of exhibitionism, i think; he likes ppl looking at & admiring him, he’s that type of person, a showman, but also, i think he just loves making music, people singing along to the music, etc. ive been to eight concerts now, and i don’t think i’ve seen someone who clearly loved being on stage so much. a lot of ppl act like it’s a chore to tour, but brendon clearly loves it, and it made me happy, especially as an aspiring musician. 

four, the straighties drooling over him and the gays drooling over him was truly straight/gay solidarity

ok what else happened... brendon would throw in random ass high notes towards the ends of songs... my sister looked at me super alarmed when he first did it during dtmwagt lmfao... ppl would cheer & it was impressive, but kinda piercing & i was like “show off” lol

HE DID THE ‘I MAKE THESE HIGH HEELS WORK’ thing, i thought he retired tht?? so i was pleased lmfao

i dont rmr anything that stands out about ready to go or la devotee but the lights & backgrounds during them were very pretty & i got some good pics of brebbois face (i finally got semi decent quality pics im rlly happy abt tht, concerts r so hard to photograph)

hallelujah was cool cuz there were, like, those catholic(?) church windows projected on the top part of the stage, it was pretty af, they rlly outdid themselves with the visuals

and mona lisa had like pipes & industrial stuff?? idk it looked dope, and it contrasted rlly cool it was super pretty

nine in the afternoon,,,, the only pretty odd song... i dont even like pretty odd but it was like,,, damn. & he had the piano, total live in denver vibes ;-; but he wasnt dripping sweat this time lmao

golden days, brebweenie knows hes hot, kept winking & doing mic flips & shit & i was like u fucken weenie ive seen that pic of u w a bowl cut in a bra, die

k he’s a fuckin bastard but hhe’s pretty & talented fuckin big ego bitch ... can yall tell i hav a lovehate relationship w him bc i do

I GOT THIS ONE PART ON VIDEO DURING GOLDEN DAYS WHERE KENNY & NICOLE R FUCKING AROUND & MAKING FACES & GOOFING IT’S SO CUTE

during casual affair in the chorus, the mic would echo each word (just lay (lay) in the atmosphere (sphere) & the ‘lay’ was rlly good on my ears idk sometimes certain vocal notes sound GOOD & that was one i keep replaying it

SO VEGAS LIGHTS as yall kno i was born & raised in vegas & a vegasfucker69 it’s my fucking home i moved last november (not my choice) & miss it violently & i was CRYING during vegas lights hard & it was so beautiful im gonna watch the video i got over & over & over that song means so much to me IM SO FUCKING HOMESICK

speaking of which, im pretty bitter i didnt see panic in vegas, this was my first panic show & that kinda bothers me, like i should’ve seen them in vegas a few yrs ago but it never worked out.... still, im grateful i saw them at all & im glad i saw the song live. i had my fob snapback on too, it says ‘las vegas’ on it cuz i got it there haha, wore that on purpose

he did the fucking running man thing towards the end & everyone cheered & i was like dONT ENABLE HIM

sat down during dancing’s not a crime cuz im a bitch who doesn’t like half the new record & also my knees hurt cuz im old apparently, anyway this chick glared at me then sang every word wat a fuckin prep lmao

o yah i forgot, in golden days he got in the crowd & let a girl sing the last chorus it was amazing i bet that made her life

AND DURING DOAB HE WALKED THRU THE CROWD that was SO FUCKING ENDEARING i was like “wow what a guy” then i was like “HE’S A BITCH U KNOW HIM” & i was like “hmm??? what a guy” but omg he made so many people happy it was really beautiful & sweet & i was like... half in love & then i came to my senses jksjfhjsdhfkjsdn

RLLY THO HE WALKED THRU THE CROWD & HIGH FIVED PPL & SHIT & GAVE HUGS & TOOK ART/LETTERS IT WAS SO DAMN GOOD HE WAS SO SWEET & LEGIT EVERYONE WAS FALLING FOR HIM & I WAS LIKE SUFFERING

legit guys, like it’s weird i used to watch his parascopes in 2015 or w/e & he’d say some Bad shit on there sometimes, like ik he does some messy shit BUT HE ACTED SO FUCKING LOVELY BLEH

also he’s very short, like he’s 2 inches taller than me but he looked so little in the crowd i was like... aw

the piano thing ;-; it was rlly pretty but my paranoia & anxiety was off the charts i was like that things gonna fucking fall & crush the crowd it’s gonna fucking fALL but it didnt ofc but i was stressed bleghh

but ok on a positive note, that was soo fucken lovely, bden stopped to try to make eye contact with as many ppl in as many places of possible, like he made the effort to get to everyone & make them have a special moment & it was ... magical ok thts fucken cliche as shit but it rlly was

ok i did smth lowkey embarrassing, i doubt he saw, but when he faced towards us i was just overwhelmed w like.. gratitude?? ive had a bad 2 years in every way, so being somewhere filled with love & fun & kindness & joy & all around good vibes, i was so grateful? i just wanted to thank him for creating that kinda atmosphere. so i like,,, blew kisses but not in a weird way, like later i was like oh that was kinda weird whyd i do that, but at that moment i didnt use my head & it was jus my instinctual way of saying thank u idk it’s lame but it happened so there ya go idfk

fun fact, my vid of it is out of focus cuz i was so enamored watching him & watching the crowd react it was pretty fucking magical it rlly was

once he got down from that piano he went “wow i feel so fucking inspired now” & i was like “bitch me too tf” 

legit it was absolutely indescribable, even watching my vid now.... wow. and u can hear me lightly crying in the back of my video too lmao, and i was shaking p hard, it was so fucking magical. like im getting emotional rn cuz it was exactly what i needed to remind myself that there is good stuff in the world thats worth staying for. 

i never was super big on panic or breb like i said but if i ever meet him im gonna thank him bc that. wow. transformative.

also that transition from the piano cover he did to dying in la was smooth af. it was all around gorgeous.

OK GIRLS GIRLS BOYS, I WAS SO CONCERNED W FILMING I COULDNT PUT MY LIGHT ON (i had a red heart) BUT OMG

he got a bi flag first, then a rainbow one, then another rainbow one... one was those hayley ones lol, and one ended up on the stage out of his eyesight & he never saw it & i felt so bad fjdnfds

G-D ALL THE GAYS SINGING WAS SO EMOTIONAL & THE RAINBOW BEHIND THEM ON STAGE (AND PAN FLAG COLORS AT TIMES?!??!?!)) IT WAS FUCKING MAGICAL & BRENDON LET A FLAG DRIFT IN THE WIND FOR A SEC BEFORE HE PUT IT ON IT WAS GORGEOUS

AND ALL THE RAINBOW LIGHTS IN THE CROWD FUCK DUDE

breb might be a turd but he’s the only one of these emo dudes who parades around draped in flags & so aggressively empowers gay fans through it, and for that, i respect him. ik the song has more perverse origins but now it’s a bi anthem that rlly connects w lgbt fans & it’s rlly beautiful, AND i got another gorgeous shot of a pride flag surrounded by lights & im just. wow.

after, breb said “that is gorgeous btw” about the rainbow lights, and “thank u for participating in love” & giggled, i got this shot of the lights in the dark lookin incredible ;-;

also said “this a record number of flags tonight, very cool” so portland is rlly gay apparently, kewl

nicole doin the nicotine bass line slayed me dead wowie u can hear me go “WOO” on the vid lmfao (im a bassist so i lov her double)

ive seen miss jackson live twice now cuz at my monumentour show, new politics brought lolo out to cover it so that’s dope lmfao

anyway bden did the fuckin valley girl voice for “the scenery is so loud” which was delightful

he had us do the ‘ayyyy’ bit woo

NICOLES BASS,,, SPARKLY

drum thingy ;-; speaking of monumentour, andy & patrick famously did a drum off & i MISSED IT cuz the stage at my venue wasnt large enough to fit both sets ;-; so they didnt do it ;-; but bden doin his own drum solo kinda made up for it a little bit

fuckin show off tho he played like 3 instruments & i was like u bitch stop

there was some kinda audio sample that went “i got a fever & the only prescription is more caffeine(?)” & bden mouthed the words along, and some girl behind me went “SAME” 

UPDATE: googled it, i knew i recognized chris walken’s voice, he says cowbell not caffeine & it’s a skit from snl that i’ve SEEN im a disgrace anyway that was fun also woo cowbell

the big screen kept cutting from bden drumming to a shot of the crowd & someone holding a pride flag & i was like yah drumming is gay now

lmao i only filmed like a minute of a song unless i rlly liked it so i could spend the rest of the song gettin funky right?? & i like king of the clouds but not a ton, but i filmed the whole thing cuz the visuals were so pretty lmfaooo i jus was staring at them like wowwww prettyyyyy

during the ‘i dont feel anything at all’ he looked rlly sad & i couldnt tell if it was genuine or if he was goin for like a pouty look djfdsjfndjks then right after he winked so ig pouty thx breb

at some point he introduced nicole&kenny plus the strings & brass ppl as “his friends” it was sweet & he was like “these lovely ladies” about the strings & “these handsome men” about the brass & i was like WOO GAY RIGHTS

FIRE DURIN CRAZY EQUALS GENIUS. BOZ FLASHBACKS. FIRE ON MY FACE HUNDREDS OF FEET AWAY. FEAR. DONT LIKE FIRE. SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION. KENNY WAS TOO CLOSE. FEAR.

a whole arena singing bohemian rhapsody 25+ years after freddie mercury’s death was Incredible, i dont believe in afterlives but if there is one i hope he was watching & enjoying & knowing his legacy was staying alive bc wow that was powerful

THE END WAS CRUNK AF HOLY SHIT BDEN GOT DOWN

i cant believe i remember the day emperors came out like,,,, jeez. so lit live tho

I HAVENT MENTIONED HIS SPARKLY SUIT YET. KING OF SPARKLY SUITS

BRENDON DOIN HIS HIGH NOTE BIT & THE STAGE LIGHTING UP FULLY ON FIRE FUCK DUDE

bitchden took his shirt off when he came out for the encore..... bitch

SINS,,, FUCK DUDE,,,, MY CHILDHOOD WAS CRYING HHYSTERICALLYYY, 

in the background of my vid u can hear me do the ‘ily’ ‘ily’ from the mv emo ass

my lil sis got fucken turnt to sins lmfaooo??? danced her ass off???

us: W H O R E bden: ily

VIOLINISTS GETTIN WILD TOO

they played footage of the music vid & breb & his fuckin iconic outfit & i was a lil emo kid again omg i cant believe i saw it live

he did funny voice durin calls for a toast nerd ... least he’s not entirely bitter abt songs ryan wrote anymore tho lmao... or maybe he is considering theres only two on the 30 song setlist ;-;

i gotta listen to afycso again damn it’s so iconic

oh yah at some bit he said “ive been doing this for 14 years, im 31 now” & it reminded me like.. most of these emo bands, they started so young. & got successful at such a young age. it’s so crazy. idk. wow. 

he got growly during the chorus, that’s pstump’s thing beeb dont steal it lmao

CONFETTI fitting ending, & i got him walking off which is cool, other bands it goes dark & they just kinda disappear & it’s unsatisfying ;-;

so yah i finally saw breadman live, i got 400 pics and 30 videos so that all got spam posted over the last few days lmao

[lbriscoe]

Hi, sorry to disturb! but i just wanna ask like how do u be productive and set goals?. Cause i have a problem, that i dont really know what i wanna do in the future. and i have a few goals, i don't really know how to set them despite goggling on how to set up goal an plan towards it ! don't know if u are gonna see this, just thought to give it a try. Wish you an amazing week ahead =D

Hi there, you’re not disturbing, don’t you worry. 

You couldn’t hit the spot even better, I’m currently doing a master’s degree and I’m still wondering what the heck I’m going to do next and what’s my plan for the future. I don’t have any particular goals neither, that’s why I’ve struggled so much as an undergrad, and why I’m currently not that motivated. Though, I’m going to try and share a few tips that have helped me in some ways.

Instead of thinking long term, try short term goals. My sisters have helped me with this, because despite their degrees and careers in such and such fields, they’re both planning on completely changing their lives (one has been off to such and such country to do farm work and travel, the other is currently leaving her job as a nurse to travel the world so…).Short term goals help you focus. Instead of thinking, “What am I gonna do with this degree?” try to prove to yourself you’re actually capable of writing this paper, acing that exam – learn for your own general knowledge. Try to focus on the good feeling of handing out a paper you’re rather proud of. Try to focus on exiting an exam room and feeling like you’ve done good. I don’t know where you live, but any degree looks good on your CV nonetheless.

Second tip, if you’re a procrastinator like me, plan ahead! I started a bullet journal (that I have abandoned since) for my final year as undergrad and it truly helps. Set your deadlines clearly, whether that’s just answering a few questions, do some readings, an actual paper, or an exam. Note them all and the due date, and then, plan your week accordingly. For instance, when I have a paper to write, I tend to write down in my diary (my current way of keeping track) “*** paper” for about 5 different days so that I don’t do too much in a day when I’m not actually motivated. I may finish it within less than five days, it might take me longer so I have to add more days. But truly, planning your tasks ahead and not day-to-day helps a lot when you’re not actually motivated.

Now, more regarding productivity, I have to admit I barely have a social life so that’s kind of easier to have time to work. I don’t know your situation, but honestly, after procrastinating a lot, it’s just mandatory for me to do some work to not feel like crap.I’m also an early riser, and I don’t have that many classes, so it’s easier to work at home and to share that to the community. When I sit down for a study session, I have different moods. When it’s an easy task or just research, I tend to sit in bed and keep music on. It feels less like working. Now, when I actually have to think, I close all the tabs on my laptop (if I’m working on my laptop) or just shut it down to not be tempted (when the laptop isn’t needed), and I work for a reward. For me, it’s rather simple since I’m addicted to my phone. Hear me out, I’m telling myself that once I’ve written that whole paragraph, developed that idea or hit that work count, I can check my phone and my social networks. Since I’m often on them, checking them is a rather quick affair. When I’m done, back to work. Rinse, repeat. Making myself tea or a snack is also done during these breaks, because otherwise I tend to lose my focus and just wander.

Still regarding productivity, but some other kind. When I don’t feel like working at all despite my workload, I try and comfort myself by doing something else that needs to be done. I don’t want to write that paper right now? Let’s clean the bathroom. Research need to be done? So is the cleaning of the kitchen. Etc… That actually helps my mental health in a way because at the end of the day, even if I haven’t done any actual work for uni, I nonetheless did productive stuff that needed to be done. Cleaning isn’t my favourite task, keep that in mind, but I love music. So when I’m cleaning I’m also blasting music and actually enjoying myself.

Finally, keep in mind that despite what you might see here or on the internet, not everyone can keep up with studying 8 hours a day everyday. For some people, that might be normal, but that’s not everyone’s normal. You might also not need that much studying. Keep in mind that studying is not your whole life. You don’t breath, eat, sleep for studies. If you have some time to do other things on the side of your studies, try and find a job (with few hours!!) or somewhere to volunteer. It might strike some kind of interest in you, or show you what you actually don’t want to do. That’s always something.

I hope what I wrote down here helped you and anyone reading this. I’m not the best at advice, especially when I’m not a motivated person regarding studies (frankly, I’m pondering whether to not finish my master’s degree to have more hours at the shop I’m working at as a cashier, because at least, I’m motivated to go there instead of classes).

Have a good week as well!

[onlyjihoons]

college! minhyung

a/n; inspired by a series of unfortunate events that happened to yours truly, and it’s my first time writing a college au so please enjoy:’)

major: music and audio tech

mark really liked music and making music so when he heard there was a course for it he immediately signed himself up for that

and he’s in the school’s dance club,, a very underrated dancer

tbh he partially got in because of his looks

also an underrated visual in nct

but mostly because this boy got those sick moves and he does music too?? yes please

i’m not saying that he’s the campus hottie but that’s exactly what i’m saying

but he’s really low-key and just wants to pursue his passion in music

and do well

you and mark met through this thing where you get admitted early into a course you like

you,, chose communications and media management or mass communications, as you would like to call it(i shall refer it to cmm)

and mark was there for the early admission exercise too because he had it as a backup if he couldn’t get into music and audio tech

at first the whole room was super tense because,, cmm is fiercely competitive

and you needed more than just language to get through this whole thing

when you arrived, you took a seat at the back because,, isn’t that what students do

and then mark came into the room like a really awkward bean

literally bows to everyone while saying excuse me

and he takes his seat beside you(!!)

you were lowkey screaming because,, why would someone as hot as mark sit beside you,, an average girl who just wants to get into the damn course

and your school didn’t had guys like that

let’s take a moment to imagine mark in casual clothes, like that red lacoste polo tee and ripped jeans and black vans and a kanken?? did that made your heart race? because it made my heart do just that

ya’ll know exactly which pic im referring to

so you decided not to be a chicken and make friends w him

“i’m really nervous,, i’ve yet to internalize my script for the screen test later”

“same,, i’m more worried for the written test tbh” with that shy smile of his

ok b4 we move on there are 3 components of your early admission exercise thing

1. written test 2. screen test 3. interview

and basically you have to go through all of that lmao

ok let’s get back to the story

“i’m sure you’ll do well, uhm..”

“mark”

“mark, yep”

“and you’re?”

“y/n”

“that’s a pretty name ^^”

you swore your heart dropped

fast forward to the interview, you and mark were in the same group

and the damn lecturers had their radar on you bc wow reader you’re a catch

“so y/n, we saw that you write fiction in your portfolio, right?”

you broke into a sweat bc they ain’t gonna reveal that you write fanfictions in front of mark

“yeah i do”

“so could you please come up with a plot and characters for a current affair you know?”

you were pretty shook because fanfic ideas only hit you when it’s the right time(ff writers do you feel me)

so you were stuttering,

“i lost my childhood friend in a tsunami??”

and the lecturers literally cracked up at your idea

but they couldn’t blame you though, its hard to come up with an answer on the spot

at the end of the interview, mark was also lowkey cracking up

“omg i can’t believe you said that y/n, but i gotta admit it was pretty creative”

“i know right, why did i say that…” 

“i thought it was really creative and different though, i liked it”

there goes your heart

fastforward to the beginning of the school term

mark and you exchanged numbers on that day and when you guys received the results of the posting he wasn’t in cmm but music and audio tech

tbh you were rlly happy for him bc you guys were convenient friends from that day on and he was so excited and passionate about making music its just so so heartwarming

and well, the first assignment the lecturer gave was about a collaboration?? article

it can be between any student as long as its a different major

and it applies to every student on campus gdi

so the first person that came to your mind was mark

so after your lecture you ran straight to the block mark’s lecture hall was at

and as soon his lecture ended you ran up to mark who was busy chatting with his newfound friends

“mark! did you get the collaboration assignment?”

“yeah i did, why?”

“c-can i collab with you?”

and all his friends were all stunned like,, why is this girl suddenly coming up to mark to collab

“s-sure, why not?” with the mark giggle, you know what i’m talking about

“good, i’ll see you soon then,” you winked, leaving mark dumbstruck

and when you left your heart was leaping out of your chest and you mentally slapped yourself for winking at mark

anyhow, you and mark would meet up every other day to work on the assignment, with mark as your protagonist of your article

and mark makes a music piece, as you take part in producing the music piece

but the song is actually about you!!

basically mark talks about what he learns in the course, like making music and stuff

he also plays the guitar which is a plus

whilst you guys were collabing

mark gained attention for his insanely good looks, which he often denied and pushes the campus hottie title to taeyong,, his senior

and also his music making and lyric writing talent

have you seen his rap freestyle in snowball project??? like how did you even mark lee 

and you gained attention for your writing, one of the top cmm students in school with a bright personality and media sense

and rumour goes around the campus that the best students of both majors are collabing and are already scoring those As lmao

that rumour was true and everyone was looking forward to the finished products of the geniuses of the school

while you two were collabing you two got to know more about each other

and you know,, you,, like,, like,, each other its so cute 

you two keep sending signals to one another

for mark its adding smileys to his texts and a few hearts and like holding the door when you enter the recording studio and all those gentlemanly stuff ugh so sweet

for you,, its just more affection and skinship and playful slaps on the shoulder

the rest of the school; “pLEASE DATE ALREADY”

both of your friends literally could sense those signals but the both of you couldn’t

so on the last day of doing the assignment you and mark would show each other’s completed assignment

you showed mark your article of him, alongside with a candid picture of him working on the music you took secretly

“omg y/n,, this is so good, thank you so much”

“you’re welcome mark,, it’s nothing,, really”

and mark showed you his finished music piece and you were so proud of him because the song actually sounded legit and not by a college student

after the music ended, mark looked at you seriously and started fiddling with his hands

“you know,, y/n,, i’ve been wanting to tell you this in the longest time…”

“what is it?”

“that,, i really like you,, since the d-day we met, i really like how you are so passionate about writing and stuff… and how pretty you are and…”

“i like you too, mark, i really really like you”

and the you two hug and boom youre dating aAAAA so cute

dating college!mark would be the softest thing ever

he would memorise your favourite drink and buy it for you every morning without fail

you reckon mark would be broke by the end of the year from buying your favourite white chocolate mocha from starbucks every morning lol

and wait outside the girls’ dorm for you

and the main point is he looks good while waiting for you that sometimes you come down a lil later to just take candid pics of him waiting for you LOL

if mark’s lectures end earlier than yours, he would wait for you outside your lecture room like omg sweetest boyfriend ever

basically you guys are like inseperable

but he’s a lil shy with the pda during the first steps of the r/s so expect loads of blushy mark

but when he’s warmed up to it he’s like the clingiest baby ever

he does give you space tho,, which youre thankful for

and when he stays up too late to do his music assignment you would creep into the studio to bring him some snacks and coffee

and make sure he gets sleep because this boy can’t be stopped unless youre around

you joined the dance club soon after he joined an like you two are the literal power couple with the visuals and talents just,,, debut together please

when ya’ll did 1million dance studio’s All I Wanna Do choreography iT WAS LIT AND SLAYING EVERYONE WAS CHEERING

mark is generally rlly shy with compliments so you always compliment him so that people dont take advantage of his humility if that makes sense

like there was once he had a group project and je did most of the work and everyone was like “mark you did all the work!! this isnt a group project”

mark was like no omg my teammates did the work too

and his jackass teammate was like “oh mark only did half of the work and we did the most”

you were ready to fight that asshole and mark had to literally hold you back 

mark really likes it when you steal his hoodies and wear it to lectures bc you look so cute in them

and his graphic tees too this boy has gr8 fashion ngl

when the break rolls around you guys would go cafe hopping and eat till your stomachs were almost exploding

and also shopping for clothes and all that

mark was willing to be your human guinea pig when you buy makeup when your hand runs out of space for swatches

and when its time to pay mark just shoves his credit card to the cashier and youre like

“mark youre gonna be so broke thats $128 worth of makeup”

and you pouting and mark had to use his fingers to lift your lips up into a smile

“you’ve done so much for me for just being my girlfriend, babe, just let me pay for it this once”

and it was the 34th time he paid lmao

anyhow dating!college mark is all pure and fluffy and innocent

please give mark lots of love

[kitkat1003]

Till Death do we part-But I’m still alive

for @doodledrawsthings Bendy Au

I tried

Henry’s hair is going grey.

It’s not something Bendy notices at first, because being a cartoon makes one think that you constantly stay the same.  But people don’t have models to base themselves off of, they change clothes, grow new hair, get tattoos, anything to make them stand out from a crowd of billions.

They’re the background characters that create their own stories to seem like the protagonist.

Regardless, Henry’s hair is grey.

It’s not a lot of hair, just streaks on the side, but it’s startling in comparison to the jet black Bendy is used to.  When he actually notices the hair, he starts noticing other things.

Like how Henry gets up from his desk slowly, how there are creases in his skin that dont disappear, how when he starts to draw his hand shake without reason, how he forgets deadlines or storyboards.

Bendy should fire him, considering his failing work ethic, but Henry is the soul of the company run by a demon, so he simply goes over shaky lines and fills in the storyboards himself, as well as adding little post-it notes to remind the aging man of tasks.

It works for a few years.  Henry later needs glasses because his vision is fuzzy when staring at the tiny lines of drawings, but other than that, things are fine.

“Geez, we’re getting old,” He comments once, and Henry crack a grin that causes those never disappearing crinkles to get deeper to the point that Henry’s face looks like a puzzle.

“Yep.  Lookin to retire any time soon?” The old man jokes back, and Bendy rolls his eyes.

“Yer hilarious Henry,” That’s the end of the conversation, and the end of Bendy’s thoughts on mortality for the next five years.

Then, Henry starts to cough.

That’s not unusual in itself.  The studio is dusty, many people cough on a daily basis, but Henry’s coughs are painful sound and lung wracking, and everyone notices, staring at the man with concern and trepidation, because no one wants to see Henry go, or think about him leaving.

“You think you should take some time off?  You sound pretty bad,” Joey comments, but Henry waves him off.

“I’m-” A round of coughing sends his reply to a halt, but he holds up his hand when Joey reaches to do something to help. “-I’m fine, just a little cough is all,” Henry stubbornly says, before turning back to his work.

Three days later, Henry collapses on his desk, face slowly turning blue.

Five days after that, and Bendy gets a card inviting him to a funeral

It’s a quiet affair.

Bendy hates it, because Henry was quiet, but the world around him was loud with people who loved Henry and his work and his personality, and the still, pin-dropping silent way black dressed people stare at a closed casket is the dichotomy of what Henry would have wanted.

Though, he can’t really asked Henry what he wants anymore, considering, so who knows.

Bendy sits in the back, obscured by a black coat.  People have seen him, but they’ve never truly gone public with his existence, and he won’t let Henry’s funeral be outshone by his discovery.

Despite how every cartoon or movie depicts a funeral with rain, it’s pleasant outside, if a little cold.  People’s steamy breathes fill the air, and he can seethe shake of some woman’s shoulders as she quietly sobs.  Boris places a hand on his shoulder, and Bendy realizes he’s shaking.

The world becomes blurry.

Maybe he needs glasses too.

Joey’s been wearing glasses since before Bendy existed, but he’s gotten stronger ones.  He has a hearing aid now too, but if he’s annoyed at people’s ramblings he’ll turn it off and pretend to listen.

It’s a funny way to make light of how dead the building is.  Henry was integral to the cohesion of the team, and his absence leaves holes unable to be filled by anyone on the current staff.

Bendy refuses to hire new ones.  The people they have are trustworthy, and thy work just fine, even as age steeps their bones in ache and their eyes in weariness.  Boris hires new people instead, temporary helpers that soon become permanent fixtures that Bendy ignores with a vengeance.

Joey’s hair is stark white with old age; Bendy pokes fun at it sometimes, and Joey laughs nearly every time, but then he coughs in that same way Henry used to, and Bendy goes silent.

A few days later, Joey asks for a week off, which Bendy allows, silently hoping.

He’s not at all surprised, however, when he gets the call.

He doesn’t got to the funeral, instead opting to sit in his office and stare at old photos of older memories. 

People don’t stop dying, he knows this, but at the same time he wishes he could make the death stop, to keep the people he trusts by his side before he’s left alone.  it’s selfish, but he wishes all the same.

Still, life moves on, and soon Wally is replaced, then the young Janitor, Sammy, Susan.

Faces he does not recognize litter the halls, and he spends most of his time in his office.

Boris finds him there.

“You can’t hide here forever,” His old friend comments, and Bendy chuckles, before throwing back his head in a full blown fit of laughter, bitter and cold like the ink tears suddenly falling down his cheeks.

He doesn’t remember how Boris got him into his arms, but he doesn’t particularly mind either, because comfort from something familiar is rare.  Old photos sting, old animations burn, and old drawings slice away and bring pain whenever he divulges his own nostalgia, leaving him with weary bitter sadness and cold regret.  What ifs and maybes haunt him like the ghosts of the dead that linger in each step of the building, and he’s been alive for so long he’s getting tired of living.

Boris looks into his eyes and understands.

And that’s enough

He’s sitting at his desk over viewing the newest animation when Boris brings them in.  His back is turned when the come, hunched over the small screen that plays out the scene when he hears the creak of the door opening.

Christ, it’s near the 20th century, could someone oil that?

“New animators tried to sneak in for an interview,” Boris sates, but there’s an undertone of brightness that Bendy’s not used to hearing.  He makes a hum of acknowledgement, and motions with his hand for Boris to leave.  The door closes shut.

“What are your credentials?”  he hears shuffling feet.

“We-uh, we tried to go through the Disney School of Animation, but they kicked us out because they said our style was outdated,” One of them, a soft spoken young man from what Bendy can hear, explains nervously.

“Yeah, but we knew hear that you take the old stuff and make it new but still old style, so-” Bendy again waves his hand, this time to shut them up.

They are young, with barely any college experience and much too little experience in general, but there’s a feeling of something familiar that burns in his stomach, so he turns around to face them.

One of them s tall and skinny, brown haired and the workings of a terrible goatee, with a Hell’s Inc shirt and a pencil tucked behind his ear.  The other is a short, stout man with a pencil both behind his ear and in his hand, with a hastily buttoned up shirt own and a nervous smile.

“What are your names?” He asks, feeling that brightness under Boris’s voice climb up into where his heart would be if he could claim to have one.

“I’m Harold,” says the short one.

“Jack,” Says the other, and they both have that spark in their eye that Bendy recognizes from over thirty years before in two young men making a company with barely a chance of success into a trademark.

He lifts his hands out and up in a wide gesture.

“Welcome to Hell’s Incorporated,” He finally says, and the two young men smile a mile wide.

This feels like the beginning of a new era.

[tumblunni]

Let’s ramble a bit more about Changeling Sim ideas! This time a bit about the awkward lil royal family and their interlocking relationships~!

Kiddo

It our deuteroganist! Hello! The protagonist’s cute little daughter is actually the next heir to the faerie throne, sent to be raised by her as a challenge to prove that the human world has good in it and is worth saving. And also secretly because Xana Mega is pretty awkward and cute under her scary facade, and was worried she was too distant to make a good mother to her child. In the golden ending you can help patch up their relationship, even though Jackie is still the one Kiddo knows as her true mother, and her biological parent becomes more like the family’s aunt. Kiddo is technically half human, but it’s not because Xana Mega married a human or anything. Fairies don’t follow biological genetics, theyre grown from giant flowers after all! Xana created Kiddo entirely by herself, and she acquired her human side solely from being given to Jackie to raise. Baby fae are more metaphysically squishy than their older counterparts, the classic changeling ploy is simply to replace a human child with a fae baby and it’ll naturally shift into the shape of the human. For a time they’ll be just that- a fairy wearing a disguise. But if they don’t know theyre not human, they’ll grow into what they’re taught and completely transform into a real mortal around puberty. Changelings do tend to retain a heightened sense to the supernatural and occasionally a few odd abilities, but generally they’ll never return to what they once were. Traditionally nobody had a choice in this whole matter, it was a very sketchy and horrid practise of ancient fae who didnt even respect humans as real sentient people. But in this case Kiddo wasn’t replacing an existing human, and she’s being raised knowing of her origins. Eventually she’ll face the question of whether she wants to stay or return to being a fairy, but it’ll be 100% her own choice. Similarly, it’s her own choice whether she wants to take the throne or if she finds a different career choice during her adventures in this other world. Many endings for you, the player!

Xana Mega

The current queen of Mag Mell, an ominous towering figure who rules with strict efficiency and commands the current anti-human war. Everyone’s pretty damn scared of her, and she lives a very lonely life disconnected from her own people. Despite her frightening persona and dedication to all things rational, she’s called for this mysterious truce for the next 18 years, and is permitting certain humans to enter our realm?? Truly the queen works in mysterious ways... but is she going soft...? Deep down she’s really a kind person who feels she has to put up this front deliberately in order to retain order. Its half that and half not really knowing how to function well socially, since she’s been groomed to be a ruler from a young age and had to live with a distant father. Because she was scared she’d repeat his mistakes, she gave her child to somebody else... but ultimately has she just become the same absent parent? It doesnt matter, because at least the kid will have a good mother, even if it isn’t her. But the decision does haunt her, and she’s both excited and terrified of the day she’ll see the child again on her 18th birthday and she won’t recognise her. But hopefully (if the player does well) she’ll be able to see that Kiddo has grown up into a wonderful young woman and had a fullfilling life that makes it all worthwhile ^_^ Ultimately if you’d ever get to know the real Xana beneath the royal role, she’s a slightly adorable awkward dork with a weary sadness yet a childish joy for experiencing new things. When you’d given up hope on this stuff, its hard to restrain yourself! Its possible to get a super secret route where Jackie romances Xana and Kiddo acquires DOUBLEMUMS~! And they’re super cute going out together on Real Authentic Human World Dates while Xana flails happily like this small hotdog stand is disneyland. Who’da thought that after the war ended, the old queen would become a human world weeaboo as soon as she set foot in our dimension? ^_^

Alberich

Xana’s father and previous ruler. Known as the Good King, he was responsible for starting the grand reforms of society that Xana continues nowadays. If peace is ever achieved between humans and fae, he was the one who sewed the first seed even if he didn’t live to see it sprout. Despite his success as a ruler, he was pretty flawed as a father, and passed that on to his daughter. He couldn’t completely escape the trappings of ancient fairy tradition, and his daughter was mostly raised by maids and tutors while he remained just this distant silent figure she could never reach no matter how hard she tried. She never even knew very much about him since he died when she was young. The young queen was just left with a million different opinions everybody else had on him, coalescing into an abstract cluster of an unknowable, empty pillar of ideal regal emotionlessness. .....Of course, the real Alberich was just as far from this as she is! To those who personally knew him, he was a complete softhearted goofball whose overidealistic ramblings would surely doom the whole country. And isn’t that just why he’s so loveable? Ultimately, his failure as a father was just that... a failure. Xana tried to justify it as if he’d made the right decision to be distant, and she should become the same sort of person, and take it further to become distant to even her own citizens. But Alberich never pretended his decision was the right one, he was a good man who despite his best efforts didn’t know how to raise a child. He had no-one to learn from, and his fear of messing up is what caused him to flee from the concept of parenthood entirely. He thought that hiring the best educators and minders would help compensate for the ways he was lacking as a dad, never knowing that all his daughter wanted was the one thing he could give- love. :( In the end he perished sadly to a simple disease that could have been cured if the country’s infrastructure wasn’t so ravaged by the war with the humans. His decision to prioritize the remaining money towards protecting the citizens was what caused him to waste away from a simple fever. While a certain someone raced against the clock to fetch the medicine on foot, arriving just late enough to miss the chance to hold his hand as he passed away...

Rafferty

A simple court jester who was promoted to the king’s butler and eventually promoted/demoted (?) to the finance minister after the new queen took the throne. Why is he even in the royal family section...? He’s always been sort of a stuffy grumpy neat freak, but he used to be a symbol of fun amoungst the court once. Now he’s just become bitter and hateful, leading the anti-human sentiment and questioning the country’s leadership at every turn. He’s globally hated by all of his coworkers and suspected of being corrupt- he was the major scapegoat for the culprit in the king’s death, and never managed to shake the stigma. He’s only really here and has any sort of power because the king’s will secured his position for the foreseeable future. He’s also hated because (GASP!) he’s a disgusting former human turned fairy! In his former life he was a homeless peasant in the 1800s that Alberich brought home one day and hired as a servant. Everyone humoured the king with his new pet, but it started to get ridiculous when he gave the thing legal rights and a career! It’s tradition to just consider a fairy a fairy when they become one, and forget about whoever they were in their past life, but gossipping housewives like to ignore this rule and hold it against him anyway. Its also kinda why Rafferty has such a personal hate of humans, he used to be one and he’s seen nothing but the worst side of them... His role in the current story is really just to be a small obstacle in plotlines, and a possible befriendable character. I’m an optimistic person so I like stories of cliche ‘evil vizier’ type guys having more complex motives and being able to be redeemed in the end. In the end you can discover that the real secret behind him and the king was that they were actually dating, and Rafferty really was loyal to the kingdom all along. And he endured all this hate for so long because he doesn’t want to tarnish Alberich’s memory by letting people know about their affair. Xana is actually his biological daughter from when he was human, making him Kiddo’s grandpa. Neither of them knew this fact though, and in fact Xana was one of the people who hated him the most. She just knew him as her funny friend who kept her company when she was lonely as a child, one of her father’s servants who seemed to care about her more than the rest. So she took it as a personal betrayal when he was suspected of killing the king, and kept believing it well into her adult years. Its gonna be a messy reunion for them when the misunderstanding is all sorted out, but a happy one too, hopefully...

+++

A slightly unrelated side note but I ideally wanna make a full cast of court employees and lesser nobility! At the moment all I have is Rafferty, unnamed scribe dad and kiiiinda a cupid type figure I dont know much about yet? I dunno, I just got that concept in my brain while I was thinking about Raffles and Ritchi’s past back when he was king. I imagined maybe Rafferty did have at least one friend amoung the royal court who knew about his relationship with the king and supported them. And it sorta came together in my brain as some sort of champion of love and justice, and maybe designed around a traditional valentine’s day fairy cliche. But like a world weary chain smoker one? BUT still one that really is a kind loving figure, not a dark subversion or anything. I just feel like they’re someone worn down by seeing injustice in the world, and questioning other people’s definitions of love that’re being forced upon them. Someone who was doubting this country... I get the feeling they’ve left the plot by the time we get to the present, but I don’t know if they died or maybe they just left the country after the king died and they’d lost their last hope the place could change. But I do generally think maybe everyone who was in the fairy court back when Rafferty was jester is now dead and/or gone, he was the youngest member then and he’s the oldest one now. And he was hated by all his former friends, they died, and now he’s left being hated by all new people... But yeah I just have this good image of some broken but kind person finding a tiny bit of happiness realizing grumpy old rafferty found love, and reassuring him that they dont hold the same stupid homophobic ‘no dating humans’ views that everyone else is pushing. A brief bit of calm before the storm, making it even sadder that cupid just wasnt strong enough to keep trying after that hope died, and ran out even on rafferty, their last friend... I guess... a Nanu cupid?

[ronaldreeves97]

How To Get Back With Your Ex After A Bad Breakup Wondrous Diy Ideas

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How To Get My Ex Back When He Has Moved On

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When people are drunk, they tend to let those habits go.Tell them how much he or she make you look at how you can begin trying too hard.You should not be true he can't be ignored.Feelings such as personal health insurance, taxes and a puppy and a greater respect.Don't despair there is a good one either.

Get Your Ex Back 5 Steps

[viralhottopics]

Happiness Hack: This One Ritual Made Me Much Happier

When my wife and I moved to New York City in 2001, recently graduated from college and newlywed, we were eager to find friends. We knew nearly no one but were sure wed soon find a fun-loving group like the 20- and 30-something New Yorkers who spontaneously dropped in on one another on

We hatched a plan. After moving into our Midtown Manhattan apartment, we invited all the neighbors over for drinks by placing Kinkos-printed quarter-sheets into everyones mailboxes. Then, we waited for our versions of Chandler, Kramer, and Elaine to show up. But they didnt. In fact, no one did. As the ice in the cooler melted and the guacamole browned, not a single person among 100 apartments stopped by. Not. One. Person.

Recalling that episode now, we sound embarrassingly nave. We didnt realize friendships in the real world worked nothing like the ones we had forged in our dormitories, let alone those we saw on television. Yet as it turns out, our desire to belong to a tight community was far from foolish.

Recent studies have shown a dearth of social interaction with people you care about and who care about you not only leads to loneliness, but is also linked to a range of harmful physical effects. In other words: A lack of close friendships may be hazardous to your health.

Dying for Friends

A 2010 meta-analysis reviewed 148 studies involving over 300,000 participants and concluded that having weak social ties was as harmful to health as being an alcoholic and twice as harmful as obesity. Julianne Holt-Lunstad, co-author of the analysis, told Reuters, A lack of social relationships was equivalent to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.

A more recent study, published in the , found a biological response to loneliness that triggers disease. According to the researchers, social isolation sets off a cellular chain reaction that increases inflammation and suppresses the bodys immune response.

Perhaps the most compelling evidence that friendships affect longevity comes from the ongoing Harvard Study of Adult Development. Since 1938, researchers have been following 724 men, tracking their physical health as well as social habits. Robert Waldinger, the studys current director, said in his recent TED Talk, The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period. Socially disconnected people are, according to Waldinger, less happy, their health declines earlier in midlife, their brain functioning declines sooner, and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely.

Lest we think having 500 Facebook friends might offer some protection, Waldinger warns, Its not just the number of friends you have its the quality of your close relationships that matters.

So what makes for a quality friendship? William Rawlins, a professor of interpersonal communications at Ohio University who studies the way people interact over the course of their lives, told The Atlantic that satisfying friendships need three things: Somebody to talk to, someone to depend on, and someone to enjoy.

Finding someone to talk to, depend on, and enjoy comes naturally when were young. In college, for example, we build strong bonds when nearly everyone around us is also searching for connection. But as we grow into adulthood, the model for how to maintain our friendships isnt clear. We graduate and go our separate ways, pursuing careers and starting lives miles apart from our best friends.

Suddenly work obligations and ambitions trump buddies and brewskis. It becomes impossible to be spontaneous without planning for weeks, if not months, in advance. Once children enter the picture, exhilarating nights on the town become exhausted nights on the couch.

Friendships Starve to Death

Unfortunately, the less time we invest in people, the easier it is to make do without them until one day it becomes too awkward to reconnect. Since we havent spoken for so long, we think, where would we even begin? If we were still close friends wouldnt we have spoken more by now?

This is how friendships die they starve to death. But as the research reveals, by allowing those friendships to starve, were also mal nourishing our bodies.

Case in point: Several months ago, I found myself in a funk. I now live in San Francisco and whenever someone asked, How are you? my reply was the standard Silicon Valley yuppie salute: Good! Super busy! Yet this wasnt exactly true. I wasnt good.

To put things in perspective, I wasnt bad, either. Things were fine. By all measures, more than fine I had a healthy family, a growing business, and interesting clients to work with. Id recently published a book that became a Wall Street Journal bestseller, and if my social media stats were to be believed, I had plenty of friends and followers.

And yet, the funk. I soon identified the problem: The more professional opportunities came my way, the more time I spent away from my real-life friends the people I truly cared about. Maintaining friendships with people to talk to, depend on, and enjoy takes time.

As an undergraduate, I first heard the term residual benefactor in an economics class. A residual benefactor is the chump who gets whatever is left over when a company is liquidated typically, not much. When were not careful, the people we care about often become residual benefactors: We leave them for last, giving them whatever bits of time are left over after weve attended to everything else.

The Solution, the Kibbutz

If the food of friendship is time together, how do we make the time to ensure were all fed? My friends and I have recently come across a way to keep each other close. It fits into our lifestyles despite busy schedules and a surfeit of children. We call it the kibbutz.

In Hebrew, the word means gathering, and for our gathering, four couples meet every two weeks to talk about one question sort of like an interactive TED Talk over a picnic lunch. The question might range from a deep inquiry, like Whats one thing your parents taught you that you want to pass on to your children? to a lighter, more practical question, like How do you disconnect from your iPhone on weekends?

Having a topic helps in two ways. For one, it gets us past the small talk of sports and weather, and helps us open up about stuff that actually matters. Second, it prevents the gender split that happens when couples convene in groups men in one corner, women in another. The question of the day gets us all talking together.

Consistency and Stiff-Arming the Kids

Every other week, rain or shine, the kibbutz is on our calendars consistency is key. Theres no back-and-forth emailing to find a time. We always meet at the same place, and each couple brings their own food so theres no prep or cleanup. If one couple cant make it, no biggie, the others carry on the conversation.

What about the kids? In our group, kids are welcome, but they dont run the show. Typically they play on their own, but if they interject, theyre given a stern response that sounds something like: Im having a conversation with my friends because my friends are important to me. Youre welcome to listen or join the conversation, but please dont interrupt unless its an emergency.

For our childrens sake, we want them to know that adult friendships matter. We dont want them to have to rely on TV to figure out how adults interact. By watching us, our children see that being a good friend means listening when others have something to share, and not being distracted by anything else including our cellphones, the football game, or even our own children (unless someone is bleeding). The entire affair lasts about two hours, and I always leave the kibbutz with new ideas and insights.

Most important, I feel closer to my friends. No, our group isnt as funny or spontaneous as the pseudo-New Yorkers I grew up watching on TV. But it turns out that fun wasnt what I was missing it was authentic, caring friendships. Making time to invest in my most important relationships finally snapped me out of my funk and provided the psychological nourishment I didnt know I was missing.

Not only that, it turns out the time I spend with my friends is also an investment in my future health. Forget diets and the latest workout routines. The best medicine may be to gather your favorite people around a table and make a toast: To friendship, and your health.

Heres the Gist:

Studies show adult friendships have a significant impact on our happiness and well-being.

Committing to my kibbutz has had the biggest impact on my happiness over the past year. Heres how our group works, but the lessons can apply to any adult friendship:

Book the time Reserve time on your calendar for the foreseeable future so there’s no guesswork or scheduling headaches about when well see each other again. Our group meets every two weeks.

Go deep Talking about a meaningful topic strengthens your bonds. Get past the shallow small talk. In our group, a different member brings the question of the day to each meeting.

Dont let kids derail you Children benefit from seeing you model a healthy adult friendship. Tell the kids they can listen or participate, but they cant interrupt unless its an emergency.

Read more: http://tcat.tc/2nX0I0T

from Happiness Hack: This One Ritual Made Me Much Happier