#that sherlock meme hits a little too close to home

[thatgirlwiththedoubleds]

Me obsessing over a 43-year-old happily married man that I can never have:

[wendimydarling]

The Thirst is Real

Summary: Little Freya might not be who she says she is...

Pairing: Henry Cavill x Little Freya 

Word Count: 1965

Warnings: uhhh.... slow burn; dirty thoughts; erotic thoughts; mentions of arousal, daddy kink, spanking, oral, masturbation, and thigh riding; size kink; slight manhandling; dom/sub kink if you squint.

A/N: So it’s been buzzing around The Cavillry that @littlefreya​ is either a mole in the community or Henry himself... @agniavateira​ (my beautiful goddess of a beta who also beta’d this fic for me) and I had a sensational conversation about what Freya and Henry’s weekly meet-ups would entail, and this beautiful birthday present was born! It’s also a little different that what I’ve done before, as I might have used some real life thirst examples in the fic. 

Did I call you out? I guess you’ll just have to read. 😈

You’ll get another gift on your actual birthday my love, but for now, please enjoy!!

~~~~~

Freya adjusted her curls in the mirror, adding one last dash of eyeliner. She was preparing for her weekly meeting with Henry, but this time her stomach was twisting itself in a spiral like a shirt ready to be dyed. 

When Henry first suggested the idea of her going on Tumblr to spy for him, she was hesitant at first. What if she couldn’t make friends? What if they didn’t trust her? But now, with a solid 6k followers under her belt, she knew she could say just about anything and people would flock to the thirst.

With a nervous look at her reflection, Freya gathered her things and headed out the door, sending a quick couple of texts to Henry.

I’m on my way. You should post on your IG stories… they’re wondering what you’re up to this morning. 

Perfect, thanks. I’ll send you what I’m about to upload.

A couple of seconds later Freya received his text, quickly setting up a post and waiting for Henry to update his Instagram. She smiled to herself; Tumblr would be buzzing in a matter of seconds once she posted, and what better way to show Henry what went on in the torrential world of social media than to show him live? Freya’s phone chimed again, indicating Henry had done as she’d suggested. 

She couldn’t help but grin like a demon as she hit the small blue button.

Pocketing her phone, Freya enjoyed the scenery on the short walk to Henry’s place. He was in London briefly as was she, so they were meeting at his home instead of Skyping like usual. Why she was so nervous, she didn’t know… Henry had been a friend for quite a few years now, even becoming one of her closest companions. He confided in her and she in him, and it was always a joy to see him. Every day she looked forward to their flirty banter. But that was easier when it was over the phone; doing so in person was an entirely different matter.

Freya reached Henry’s small home and knocked on the door. She’d only been there a couple of times, but the tiny house never ceased to give her a wonderful sense of charm and sensibility. A loud bark and clack of nails on the floor signaled that Kal was ready and waiting to greet her, which meant Henry wouldn’t be far behind. Freya fidgeted with her fingers and chewed on her lip in taut anticipation.

The door swung wide and there was Henry, sporting a puppy dog grin on his face and his large frame filling the entire entryway. His muscular chest was practically bursting from the snug grey shirt he wore, and his dark blue jeans couldn’t have looked more sinful. He had Kal by the collar as if the dog weighed nothing, and Freya couldn’t help but feel incredibly small. Henry reached out his hand, softly tugged her bottom lip from her teeth, then swooped her up for a one-armed squeeze.

“It’s so good to see you,” he murmured against her ear, sending chills down Freya’s spine. Her feet dangled helplessly as she wrapped her own arms around his neck, inhaling the sharp scent that had long since faded from the hoodie he’d let her “steal”. The fact that he was holding her petite stature in one arm and still controlling Kal with the other wasn’t lost to Freya, and the images it provoked in her mind of what exactly he could do to her with that kind of strength made her tingle. 

Oh, the positions he could put her in...

All too soon Henry set Freya down, shaking her from her sudden daydream. 

“Come on in,” he said, maneuvering Kal and ordering him to sit. Freya crossed the threshold, imagining what it would be like if she was in a long, white gown…

“I’m making a smoothie, would you like one?” Henry broke into her thoughts again and Freya flushed, hurriedly setting her bag on the table and pulling out her laptop. 

“Just some water please,” she replied, swallowing thickly as she realized how dry her throat was. She logged into Tumblr as Henry bustled about in the kitchen and quickly reblogged a few thirsty comments, scrolling through to find some good ones while she waited for Henry.

“Go ahead and start, tell me what ‘The Cavillry’ has been up to this week,” he stated, not quite a command but it thrilled Freya nonetheless. Stupid filthy gutter brain. She pulled out her notes and dove straight in.

“Well, a few of them like Lisa and Berry have a theory that there’s a mole in the community,” she laughed. “Some of them even like to surmise that I’m you!”

“Do they really?” Henry’s deep chuckle resonated throughout the living space and Freya closed her eyes momentarily, picturing that chuckle after a rather exhilarating round of cardio between soft, silken sheets…

“What else are they saying?” Henry’s voice was in Freya’s ear and she jumped, startled yet again from her indecorous thoughts. Henry set her water down next to the laptop and placed his hands on the table, caging her in his warmth as he leaned over her shoulder to read. Freya felt the familiar flush of arousal start to creep its way up her thighs but she did her best to ignore it, continuing on with her notes. 

“Marta made some really funny memes,” she stammered, “And Demi excels at clipping audios, where it sounds like…”

“How does it sound?” Henry’s hot breath ghosted over her ear, and his exhale came out nearly a growl. Freya felt lucky she was sitting down, positive her knees would have given out on her if she hadn’t been. 

“Like you just had a--an orgasm,” she faltered, grabbing her glass of water for a big gulp. Henry hummed, and Freya nearly choked on the clear liquid. 

“What else do they say? I want you to read it… out loud.”

Freya was shocked for a moment. What was he playing at? Wait a minute... this is a game; Henry is playing a game. Emboldened by her sudden epiphany, Freya switched personalities from timid bird to devilish vixen, determined to win whatever it was that Henry had set in motion. She arched her back and leaned her head against Henry’s shoulder, pointing at the screen.

“Well look, see what your post this morning has done? We descend into a thirsting frenzy every time.” 

She scrolled through a couple of posts, landing upon one that would give her what she needed.  

“For example, Miya writes: 

‘I guess good to know he’s on a morning run instead of fapping off… 

But good sir, you will have to shower after that no? And unless he’s a never nude, he’s going to be naked very very soon ladies. KEEP THAT IN MIND! IN A SHORT FEW MINUTES, HENRY WILL BE NAKED AND RUBBING HIMSELF IN THE SHOWER.’ ”

 Freya emphasized the last sentence and was rewarded with a small hitching of Henry’s breath. He recovered quickly.

“However did they know,” he quipped in a low rumble, reaching over Freya’s hand to do some scrolling of his own. Her hand was trapped in his but her thoughts were elsewhere, immediately flooded with the image of Henry getting off in the shower, water cascading over his hairy torso down the line of his abs and through the rabbit trail on his groin to the surely insurmountable…

“This one next,” he stated, drawing her back to the present. His thumb brushed softly over her skin before landing just out of reach of her touch. Freya focused her attention on the screen and a small groan escaped her lips. He’d chosen one of Wendi’s Smutbombs.

“...My eyes were instantly drawn back to his fierce gaze.

“You wanted to use that mouth,” he snarled, staring at me with lewd concentration.

“So use it.”

Freya’s palms grew clammy at the thought of using her mouth around Henry, in exactly the way the raucous words depicted. The way he would stretch her tiny lips until they burned, the way he’d fuck her throat without a care, the way he’d…

Henry grabbed Freya’s hand and abruptly slapped his phone on her palm, severing the thought. 

“Read this one,” Henry commanded her again, his voice now clear and authoritative. This time his tone left no room for argument; he was doing it on purpose. His arms still pinned her to the table with no way to escape, and she could feel the dominance that was dripping off of him tingling down her spine. 

Freya looked at the small screen, recognition of the words dawning on her face. She faltered, and cleared her throat.

“Yes, my bottom is always bare, Sherlock. Bare and ready for you to spank me and take me any which way you want.”

“Who wrote that?” he questioned sternly. Freya took a deep breath.

“I did.”

“Read the next one.”

Freya whimpered, clenching her thighs together tightly. 

“Fuck this shit I want to die on this man’s thighs.”

“Who wrote that?”

“I did.”

“Keep going.”

Freya’s chest was heaving. Her head was swimming with lust and need. Her arousal had long since wet her panties to the point of extreme discomfort. She was certain Henry could smell it too, as she certainly could and his head was still right next to hers. She watched his fists tighten on the table, the veins in his arms becoming more prominent with every passing second. Freya imagined what his hands would look like with one wrapped around her throat and the other buried knuckle deep inside her…

“I said keep going; you’ve got one more.”

It wasn’t just Henry’s voice this time that dragged Freya back to reality; he wrapped his hand firmly around her nape and pointed her toward his phone. 

She blinked rapidly and scrolled to the last quote. 

“...They share a mutual smile and she forces herself to look away.

They have always liked each other, he has always been kind to her.

Sometimes he would touch her as they sat with friends, a feverish stroke, innocent or by mistake, but that would be enough to make her heart flutter like a huge butterfly in the cage of her chest. 

To see him physically hurts sometimes. Especially on a night like this when she is supposed to be happy, yet her heart feels sorrowful.”

The moment her lips finished moving Freya was pulled off the bench and thrust against the wall. Henry pressed his thigh between her legs, his own arousal evident as it strained against the ridged fabric of his jeans. His face was gentle and sincere but his eyes were as dark with lust as she was certain hers were, and the tremor of his voice left no room to imagine anything but desire.

“Who wrote that?” he whispered softly.

“I did,” Freya whispered back.

“Did you mean it?” Henry searched her face, looking for any scrap of evidence that would present him with permission. Freya brought a hand up to his curls, brushing the one out of his eyes that always seemed to disobey.

“Every word.”

Henry slammed his mouth against Freya’s, probing her deep and hard. She kissed him back with just as much fervor, tugging on his curls and wrapping her legs around his waist as he hoisted her in the air. Never in her life had she ever thought this moment would happen, that he would want her this way. But now, here in his arms with his lips on hers and on their way to his bedroom, she couldn’t picture anything else. 

The man had ruined her for anyone else over a decade ago, and she’d been thirsty for far, far too long.

~~~~~

@wolvesandhoundshowltogether​ @killjoy-assbutt-1112​ @achaoticaugust​ @demivampirew​ @raspberrydreamclouds​ I hope you don’t mind that I used your thirst! I though it might be fun, but if you don’t like it just let me know, I’ll remove it. 😊

[bespectacledbun]

What is in Arthur, Sasuke, Mousse, and Charles that you super love about them?

GASPPPP I LOVE THIS ASK SO MUCH OMG 💕💕💕 it’s gonna be a long post so I’m putting it under the cut sjdjfkg 

if you don’t want eng/jp spoilers for any of the guys, please don’t read!! that is my warning for this post, so if you decide to click anyway and then complain I put spoilers, I will laugh in your face ✌🏽😚

Sasuke – where do I even begin with this boy??? He’s caught my eye since day fucking one of ikesen when I downloaded it and I was so??? excited??? because 1) holy SHIT we get a meme-y best friend and 2) he’s?? a ninja??? and  I got into this game when I was 16 and I was like THIS IS THE ONE I WANT HIM. I’ll admit, the first thing I liked about his character was that he wore glasses (gotta stay on brand yo) but when we got to see more content of Sasuke in the other routes and in the events I just…slowly fell in love with him and all his quirks. The way he could reference memes with such a straight face. His enthusiasm for history and the warlords. The ninja jokes. The way he couldn’t wink. The more stories he featured in, the more I started loving him (@under-sengoku-skies knows how much I’ve rambled about Sasuke in our dms)

The first story event he featured in, Lord vs Vassal, his story side was him taking the MC on a stargazing date and they saw shooting stars from Azuchi’s roof and I just… The way I felt reading that is indescribable. As a history nerd and space geek myself, I loved his jokes, and the way he thought that his and MC’s meeting was designed by fate is just. I couldn’t help but fall in love with that, y’know? The idea that this man of science is such a romantic that he believed his meeting with MC wasn’t just a chance encounter, but it was arranged by destiny… I can’t think of anything right now except cute hdgahshfg.

And then when we got his route and I found out that he’s been waiting for FOUR YEARS and training all that time just to protect the MC it was like,,, the last piece of the puzzle clicked in. To wait all that time and constantly be there for MC in every single route and to protect her… everything Sasuke does has always been for MC (this is your reminder to go read Sasuke’s route if you haven’t done so already). So tldr, Local Sengoku Ninja is Actually a Romantic and Makes an Excellent Boyfriend

~

Mousse – So when Mousse first got released in…late 2018 iirc, I actually didn’t think much of him at first 😂 it’s funny, because at first all I knew was that he was the Sleeping Dormouse and a diplomat. So I didn’t have much of an opinion outside “oh cool, I wanna see what he looks like” right?? And then cybird dropped his character design and I was like. Shit. He’s actually kind cute?? So I think @ladygacha translated a few of his stories and his introduction story where he’s napping in the Civic Centre was released and I was like fuuuuuuuuuuuck. 

It’s kinda weird to explain but hdgajsd his hair is so fluffy and his general character design was just so appealing to me and then… I heard his voice. From that point on it was basically over for me ajsjdk I was WHIPPED. In 2019 his first birthday story released and he talks about how he fell in love with Alice at first sight and I was just g o n e HE’S REALLY SO CUTE IN HIS INTERACTIONS. It’s like what happened with Sasuke asdjfkajd I’m a sucker for “love at first sight” characters.

So when we got to see him in Zero’s route in English I was !!!! FINALLY I GET TO SEE MY BOI and holy SHIT, it was everything I could have wanted. The way he just called Zero out for not protecting Alice?? I was sold. Just his character and personality in general, the way he’s so passionate about other cultures and countries and the way his love towards Alice is so pure and genuine, it’s adorable, and I’m really excited to see more of him in English ajdfjgjajdf

~

Arthur – strap in because this is prolly gonna be so much longer than the other two ajsjdjfg. So funny thing, I liked Arthur before ikevamp got announced in English–before it was out even in jp, actually. For my 15th birthday, I had gotten a huge volume of Sherlock Holmes novels from my mother, and when I read them I LOVED the stories. I liked Sir Arthur Conan Doyle the mystery writer before I liked Arthur, the ikevamp suitor. So when I found out he was going to be a character I could date, needless to say, I was REALLY excited for his route and ikevamp in general.

To anyone who’s read Arthur’s route, remember the chapter where Theo explains that Arthur is scared of getting close to people because he’s afraid they’ll leave??? Yeah. That chapter was the biggest fucking callout for me because I’m a little like that too. I’ve always been afraid of being left so when I read that, I was like ‘oh shit, this hits too close to home for me’. I know the popular fandom portrayal is this fuckboi who just sleeps around and has -10 braincells, but there’s actually so much more to him than that, which is what made me fall for him in the first place. 

I’ll be honest, I was really disappointed with the first few chapter of his route because I knew that it wouldn’t go over well and. Well. I really wish that we didn’t have to have such a scene in the first place, but sadly I’m not the story writer for ikevamp 😔 I was a bit scared of how he’d be portrayed in the rest of the route, mainly because I wanted to like his character a lot. So when his route actually dropped and we got him entertaining children, and his confidence at games, and how his brogue slips out when he’s stressed or nervous–all of that made me feel ‘okay, so this isn’t so bad’. I liked that we also got to see the darker parts of his route and his trauma wasn’t just brushed over for the sake of romance. 

Also, Arthur is… really stupid. Like really stupid. He might be smart most of the times, but when he goes into Panic ModeTM or when his emotions are running high, he becomes rash and impulsive and does the first thing that comes to his head (much like myself, which was a callout I did Not appreciate). Like throwing himself under a knife for MC. Or buying her a music box to see her smile. The first time I got to his confession at the end of his route, and he said he got a note from MC and ran to the portal without even checking to see if it was actually from her I just. stared at my screen. like, How can you be so smart and yet be such an idiot at the same time??? I don’t know. I really don’t. Tl;dr, Arthur is a dumbass but he’s a lonely dumbass with a heart of gold and has some really soft event stories in jp (gap moe, anyone?), so please stan him hdgsjdhfg

~

Charles – Charles has literally only been out for a max of 4 months and yet, if anything happened to him I would shoot everyone in ikevamp and then myself. The funny thing is, NOBODY thought I would fall for Charles at first. Last December when they were releasing character designs for the new characters in ikevamp jp, all my friends tagged me for Faust because everyone, including me, thought I’d fall for the megane character. Then Charles waltzed in and wrecked my home and hearth and I was done for. 

Like Sasuke and Mousse, he’s one of those “love at first sight” characters, and in his first story he calls the MC cute and they go shopping together and I just *flails around* he’s so cute??? His character profile also says he’s starved for love and I just,,, in real life I would never stay with that kind of person but since he’s a fictional character, I can’t help but just want to stay with him Q_Q My friends like to tease me by saying all the guys I like have a sort of “puppy” personality ahshdjfg wheezes 

~

And that’s all of them!! If you came here expecting a coherent explanation, you’re asking the wrong guy my bro ajshdjf but please talk to me more about these boys I would gladly talk to anyone in my inbox 💖💖💖💖

[deathvsthemaiden]

10 Favorite Characters Meme, tagged by @lissar (ty!) to list 10 of my favorite fictional characters and tag 10 ppl.

1. Jane “not your English Celine Varens” “Provoking puppet” “little bungler” “mocking changeling” “mustard seed” “Janet” Eyre of Jane Eyre I cant put it in words I just love her 🐦 <3

2. Moira Rose from Schitt’s Creek. I wanna be HER when I grow up 🤩 (I’m kidding) I love her hyperbolic speech (it reminds me of how I text) and her tendency to wordlessly scREAM her feelings no shame no consequences. Her confidence is one of the best parts of the show ansbdjsnns 🌹

3. “Yes indeed, a mythological murder case...Obviously I’d appear!” (FGO)

Sherlock Holmes! 🔍💙🔎 gonna cheat and sandwich 3 separate versions of the same dude into one bullet point because they’re all endearing jokers whom I love for basically all the same reasons. The Fate Grand Order, original (Arthur Conan Doyle) and Granada editions of Sherlock Holmes are my all time favorites I’ve seen so far. Grand Order took him by the collar from 221B and quietly placed him in a universe where All Myth Is Real and was like “what if the mystery this time is to find out who ended all of humanity?” LOVE that for him. ACD canon is just cozy and fun and the fact that Doyle grew sick of Holmes just makes the books even better to me 🤭 And Brett’s passion for Holmes and accuracy are obvious while watching Granada. And it definitely doesn’t hurt that FGO seems to have taken inspiration from the show for their own Holmes.

4. “Did I hate him then? Indeed, I believe so. A love like that can grow to be nine-tenths hatred and still call itself love.”

Orual from Till We Have Faces. priorities! She has them. Star of one of my all time favorite Greek myth retellings ever. I’ll admit I don’t remember the book perfectly well but I understood her anger so well back when I was reading the book and I remember rooting for her the whole time.

5. Albert Honig the mc of Telling the Bees by Peggy Hesketh. I have a fondness for kindly old men narrators and bees. And murder mysteries. Guess what this book has? 🐝🍯🔪

6. Inho Baek of Cheese In The Trap. Long suffering piano-prodigy-delinquent-man I knowwww your story is done being translated I’m just Afraid To Look. Soon! I will revisit you soon...in the meantime stay safe and protect your hands sweet prince 😬🎹🧀

7. Adamant “this is a kind child” “crying is a defect” “I love you all” Sensei of Houseki no Kuni (he’s the strongest bc he’s LOVE INCARNATE!!) 💎🥺♟💖 Despite all common sense I maintain the hope that he will never bite the dust (unintentional and morbid pun if u know anything abt Hnk)

8. Evi Kholin from The Stormlight Archive. miss I cant think too hard about you without tearing up I have so many spoilerific teary thoughts to share but for the sake of brevity I’ll just say: everything that happened to her hit too close to home and was also just. Massively unfair. I wouldn’t change it though bc it hurts so good and had appropriate levels of nuance and complexity and whatnot. The mysteries surrounding her were worth waiting till Oathbringer (Bk #3) for. I do seriously wish jokes weren’t the thing that made up 90% of her tag though :/ maybe I’ll take pains to fix that myself one day. Perhaps. 🤕

9. Ellie Miller from Broadchurch! Another one of many altruistic fictional detectives I love.

10. Eton the Mad Prince 👑 and would be canonical older brother of Raoden had Brandon Sanderson not scrapped him from Elantris altogether. I get why he did but the deleted scenes on his website....hysterical. He would have easily made it into my top 5 favorite cosmere characters of all time if he’d made it into a published work. I love (fictional) monarchs of dubious (in)sanity and the best part is how in the deleted scenes I linked there’s no one we see him messing with more than Hrathen who, being canon, really /is/ in my top 5 favorite cosmere characters of all time. Those deleted scenes are probably safe to read if you’ve never read Elantris and intend to btw, proceed with caution.

Tagging: @pinkafropuffs @kashilascorner @kandraswithhats @makruh @iwaizuml @fruit6at @sjouno @ayuumaku @elfenana @xviicprc @howaboutswords and anyone else who wants to do this should! Tag me if you do 📚

[space-unicorn-dot]

Oh, hey! I’ve been meaning to do this thing for a while since I first saw it and I keep forgetting, so thanks to @stormiesquall for the tag! And this also solved my crisis of what to do first in the morning! I’m also still hella in the mood for tumblr dev, so if you have any more questions or ideas for any of my sso ocs, go hit up their sideblogs with an ask, kids!

[name] dot, we’re gonna say. cause i’m still a wee bit uncomfortable just sharing that unless its close friends.

[sign] gemini

[height] 5′ 4″ ish.

[put your songs on shuffle and & list the first four]

going from my “general playlist” on spotify cause it’s where i dump anything and everything i enjoy. (dear god it pulled songs i haven’t listened to in a while, way to call me out, spotify)

all star // smash mouth

setting sun // miracle of sound - an rdr2 inspired song

drunk on a plane // dierks bentley

fuck this shit, i’m out

hey. you wanted honesty. i swear, there’s actual shit on here. but sometimes, you just gotta have a good meme song.

[grab the nearest book, go to page 23. what’s the 17th line?]

“your goal here is to control it by pulling the rod left or right in the [line 18, opposite direction to the movement of the fish].”

this book happens to by my official guide to red dead redemption 2, hard back, collector’s edition, if i remember correctly. and page 23 happens to be about the fishing mechanic.

it’s actually really relaxing. i’m not much for that sort of outdoorsy hunty stuff irl, but the few times I’ve done fishing in rdr2 have been really fun. i should do more of it. Let arthur have some arthur time away from camp idiots like micah, i mean, what?

[had a song or poem written about you?]

maybe? i did creative writing in high school for two years, and there was lots of poetry involved in my second year. we had lots of good times no matter what we wrote, and that was really the best part. i loved that class and all we shared in it.

[when was the last time you played air guitar?]

fucc, i dunno. probably coming home from work one night cause we listen to the radio a lot. if my mom doesn’t decide to talk my ear off. so probably within the last week or two.

[do you believe in ghosts?]

i don’t know. i’m a baby when it comes to anything horror, so, usually, i don’t like thinking about it because people like to portray the spooky scary of it, and if i think about, i scare myself thinking about those ghosts. but maybe. i’m also not religious, so like... i don’t know? i think it’s possible there could be, like, spirits that have unfinished business, or like they stay behind to look after someone, you know?

[do you believe in aliens?]

do i actively think about whether or not i believe in aliens? no. do i believe in aliens in, like, the sci-fi sort of sense? eh, not particularly, but in the whole concept of some sort of life out there on another planet? sure. why not? just because earth is perfect for us and we’re so widespread on this planet, that doesn’t mean that some sort of life out there somewhere else doesn’t exist. Microorganisms are fucking everywhere here, after all, and plenty are important in several natural processes.

[do you drive? if you do, have you ever been in an accident?]

i have a permit, but i haven’t done a lot of driving. i’m talking like around the block and in a parking lot kind of driving. i don’t think i’ve personally been in anything too bad that i can remember as a passenger? scrapes and dings, yes, but nothing that wasn’t ~easily resolved.

[last book you read? actual book?]

fuck, i also don’t know this one. i do like to read, i just... don’t do a whole lot of it now that i’m not in school. i think, oh god...

i mean, technically, i’ve read out of my rdr2 guide as needed and, of course, continue to do so when i want to reference something.

but the last book i remember reading is the first book in the warriors series about the origins of the clans? like, the one about the tribe splitting up and the group from the tribe travelling to the area the clans lived. i’d get up and go grab the title and series name exact, but i’m lazy cause i’m under a really comfy blanket. >.>

[do you like the smell of gasoline?]

i’m gonna be the odd one out and say kind of, actually. sometimes, not so much, but, usually, i don’t mind it. would i want to spend loads of time around it? fuck, no, but in a gas station, i’ve found it like... idk, interesting, how it smells, i guess?

[what was the last movie you saw?]

i literally had to look up a 2018 release schedule to figure it out, y i k e s. the last movie i think i saw in a theater was the nutcracker and the four realms. i intended to see more, but my mom and i are actually horrible at making plans and sticking to them when it comes to going out to see movies?

the last movie i watched though was... i think sherlock holmes (2009), with robert downey, jr. and jude law. i love that movie.

[do you have any obsessions right now?]

star stable online is like my ongoing obsession, and red dead redemption 2 - mostly arthur morgan is a good character and i’m still not over how pretty the game is and i’ve had it since release.

[do you tend to hold grudges?]

i don’t know, i don’t think so. tldr, i have a fucked relationship with my biological dad that took me maybe three or four years to finally cough up that i wanted him the fuck out of my life cause he was a toxic, negative influence, and i still want nothing to fucking do with him for good reason. i’d like to think most of the people i purposely cut out of my life are for something like that, not because of some dumb grudge. i was way too fucking forgiving for way too long in that case, so... i just. i don’t think i do grudges. if you’re bringing me down and otherwise being more of a bad influence and energy in my life than a good one, i won’t want to be around you. that’s what i do. if you hurt my friends, i’m going to keep that in mind.

that one bad experience i kept going for too long was just too much for me to not be hesitant and careful now when you really hurt me or someone i trust. i don’t have time to give twenty undeserved second chances, especially doing so much better like i am now, far away from all that.

sorry that got a little personal, but i mean... hey, it’s a personal ask. might as well be honest.

[are you in a relationship right now?]

fuck nooooooooooooooo, as friends and i would say memeingly. i’m very asexual when it comes to me things, and i’ve honestly just... never been interested in anyone that way. not seriously. i was the one in high school to hear all my friends’ relationship woes and think to myself “i don’t need that kinda extra added bs stress, i have enough to worry about.”

and i like to joke that being single = more pizza for me, myself, and i when i want pizza, so that is a definite plus.

so tldr, no, and i’m not interested. i’m happy being a single pringle.

[heroesofcrash]

10/27/18 - Halloween 2018

Happy Halloween from TheHeroesOfCRASH.com! Remember to Vote Blue, or Gritty will EAT YOUR SOUL.

Usually, my Halloween fillers will include some nostalgic costumes, but there were too many cases of "I Couldn't Resist" with more recent stuff...!

I absolutely loved Shuri in Black Panther; with her brains, wisecracks, and cool hand-blasters, she was easily my favorite character. Plus, she's canonically smarter than Tony Stark, who I think needs to be brought down a peg (Admittedly, that's largely because I still have a somewhat petty grudge against Robert Downy Jr. for his not-terribly-Sherlock-y portrayal of Sherlock Holmes). She's a VERY close second to Deadpool for my favorite Marvel movie characters. There was no way I was missing a chance to dress Enticia up as such an awesome character, even if her design was tricky to figure out, simplify, and draw.

Titanium Maiden always goes as redheaded characters for Halloween, and I FINALLY saw the movie Brave this summer (and liked it). TM's Merida-styled hair was a bit less tricky than I was afraid it would be; I found myself blocking out the general shape first, and then doing the outermost strands.

Cannon always modifies his helmet for Halloween costumes, and this isn't his first time dressing as a Mega Man character (He dressed up as Protoman for the very first Halloween filler!). Cannon and Acid Man (from the new Mega Man 11) share a similar color scheme, have bulky armor above a skinny torso, and wield a barrel-shaped arm cannon on their right arm. The resemblance is unCannony- er, uncanny!

Every year, Belt Boy dresses as a superhero, and every year it's NEVER someone from either DC or Marvel! While the Big Two have come up with some great characters, a lot of my favorite superheroes are from outside their universes. Nearly all of Belt Boy's previous costumes have been characters with only one canon universe (making them easy characters to follow and understand), they tend to explore some inventive worldbuilding, and most of them have strong elements of humor. I haven't seen much of One Punch Man, but I would like to see more. I probably would have had BB dress as him last year if I hadn't chosen All Might. One more note: Belt Boy is intentionally trying to maintain his character's half-lidded gaze and small anime mouth. He takes his costumes seriously.

Gritty is TERRIFYING. He looks like a Muppet with the dead eyes of a Five Nights at Freddies animatronic. As a Pennsylvanian with Philadelphian parents, I'm a little embarrassed for my own home team. But Gritty has a few things going for him. For one, the concept drawings of him look MUCH less terrifying than the actual mascot costume. And for another, Philadelphia's citizens have kinda adopted him as an anti-Trump mascot. I guess sometimes you have to fight fire WITH fire... or perhaps fight a nightmare-inducing orange monster with bad hair WITH a nightmare-inducing orange monster with bad hair. Being big and orange, I knew Unk was the perfect character to pull him off (And yes, those creepy eyes are glued to Unk's signature sunglasses).

And finally, there's Miss Sunflower. This is only her second appearance in a Halloween costume (The first being Gozer the Gozerian). Everyone's been drawing Bowsette lately, and it was only a matter of time until I got into the action. People have been drawing her different ways, combining different degrees of Peach and Bowser's designs. Some make her look mostly like Peach (blonde, waifish, and almost entirely humanoid), while others mix a bit more Bowser into her design (giving her red hair, a bulky physique, and/or a more reptilian design). While I briefly considered drawing Titanium Maiden as a bulky, redheaded Bowsette, it didn't take me long to realize that Miss Sunflower - as a villain with actual horns like most Bowsettes - was a WAY better choice. Outside of her red hair, and her signature makeup, Sunflower's design is mostly like that found in the original Bowsette comic that started this meme (By the way, if Toadette becomes "Peachette", shouldn't Bowser become "Peachser"? I'm just saying...).

One last note; I was originally going to draw a different Halloween filler based on the idea of there being unwanted attention at a Halloween party. In honor of The Heroes Of C.R.A.S.H. joining the Collective of Heroes, I was going to promote it by having some other CoH characters show up, with Cannon unsuccessfully hitting on the superheroines and making a less-than-stellar first impression. However, since it was pretty late in the game for me to ask permission to use characters, and I already signed up to do a Halloween art trade for the CoH, I decided it would be best not to start things off by biting off more than I could chew. You should still totally read the other Collective of Heroes comics. The ones I've been reading have been pretty great. And their Featured Comic for the week is- GASP! It's The Heroes Of C.R.A.S.H.! :-D

[ebp-brain]

Year in Review Meme

Tagged by @ruinsplume. Thank you! (posting on my fandom/personal sideblog)

1. List of works published this year (2017):

When The Wolf Comes Home (Remus Lupin/Sirius Black, 2.5k, Teen)

Spent Q (Q/007, 3k, Explicit)

Pull Together Men (Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes, 2k, Mature)

Split Q (Q/007, 2k, Explicit)

Brighton and Venice (Albus Dumbledore/Elphias Doge, 3k, Gen)

As if the World Should Roll Itself Out Like a Cloak (ACD Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, 4.5k, Gen)

The Weather Inside (Remus Lupin/Sirius Black, 43k, Explicit)

Ghost of Winter (Remus Lupin/Sirius Black, 3k, Teen)

Night Travels (Remus Lupin/Sirius Black, 6k, Teen)

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

“The Weather Inside.” Hands down. It felt like a bit of a breakthrough for me, both in terms of prose style and what I was trying to do with it. I’d been thinking a lot about the experience of constructing a sense of self by keeping one’s thoughts and feelings tightly locked up, and both wanting and not wanting to let them out--about my own experience of doing this. And when I started writing I began to pour all that into the fic in a way I hadn’t done before. It’s both very personal and very theoretical (like, more or less inspired by a grad seminar about Eve Sedgwick) and that mix is just about where I’d like to be right now. I tried to stick really really close to Remus’ pov in order to investigate his internal experiences, and I feel like it mostly worked. And in trying to describe his intense inner life my language got sharper and more vivid. 

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

I feel like the longer it’s been since I wrote something the more likely I am to give it the side-eye, so these relatively young fics still seem okay to me. (: The fics I’m least attached to are probably the Q/007 ones, which I’m not displeased with but which, as installments in the only true PWP series I’ve ever written, have the lowest “sex-to-thinking about sex” ratio of all my fics and are therefore are the most low-impact for me.

4. A favourite excerpt of your writing:

From “The Weather Inside”: But to let go of the way he feels about Sirius is to give up a part of himself and Remus isn’t sure he’s capable anymore of discerning how big that part is or even where its boundaries lie. Keeping his desire locked tight inside him for so long has given it precisely the power Remus wanted to withhold; with no outlet, no place to go, it has woven itself like a creeper vine into all the darkest recesses of himself, into all his hollows and chambers, his tiniest cracks and crannies; unfurling itself in the only way it knows how, insidious, climbing, it has woven itself into the very fabric of Remus. There is ivy at Hogwarts, Professor Sprout told his class once, that can never be removed, because it has become so entangled with the castle that the stones themselves would crumble without the plant to support them.

5. Share or describe a favourite review you received:

One comment on “The Weather Inside” articulated the dynamics between Remus and Sirius so clearly that I’ve been thinking about it ever since: that Remus says and believes he is opening up when he’s actually doing so very much on his own terms and is consequently still withholding a lot. I’ve thought about it in terms of the story and also, you know, my life.

Also, I have to share this one because it’s the most delightful way of describing the experience of reading a fic I’ve ever encountered in my comments: I'm shattered, really, I feel like I have been emptyed (emptied? Damn, I'm sorry, I'm Italian and I'm still learning) with a spoon, but oddly satisfied, as if the person who ate me said "Oh well, you were delicious, thanks!"

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

You know, the actual putting of words on paper for “When the Wolf Comes Home” wasn’t so difficult, but I wrote it after a serious breakup as a way to sort of get at the situation sideways (neither the feelings nor the events much resemble the real-life thing but the general angst needed to come out) and I listened to the Mountain Goats and felt intense grief the whole time I was writing, which is its own kind of “really hard.”

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

This is also not quite answering the question as intended, but I was surprised when I was working on “As if the World Should Roll Itself Out Like a Cloak” how much Watson’s voice still felt right, despite the fact that I was picking up a fic I’d written 9/10ths of four years earlier, in a fandom I’m still fond of but no longer frequent regularly. Although my thoughts about coming out and queer self-revelations have shifted pretty significantly since then, it was a little surprising to realize that Watson’s sudden life-changing epiphany in that fic actually does still resonate with me.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

1. I realized just how much I could articulate my own issues and perceptions through fic, and that that’s the stuff people actually end up liking most, and 2. I started this fandom/personal sideblog and actually worked up the confidence to start talking to people, and 7 years after first getting involved in transformative works-based fandom I finally understand what a rewarding social space it can be. And that has affected the way I write and think about writing in such joyful ways.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

More friends! More self-analysis turned into self-insert fic! A continued ruthlessness towards my own prose until all cliches and boring sentences are burned to ashes!

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

I’ve had some incredible conversations with @bigblckdog about writing and thinking and feeling in the last few months that have been seeping into the recent writing I’ve been doing. And everyone who has said hi on Tumblr has warmed my socially anxious heart and made me feel encouraged and excited to keep working.

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Haha see #2 and #6. I don’t think any specific events or people showed up in a direct way in fic but the frustration and pain and relief and excitement and pleasure and self-scrutiny of the past year are all there in “The Weather Inside” and my other Remus/Sirius stuff. Also, Remus’ overwrought emotional response to rain in “Night Travels” is mine. 

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

WISDOM seems like such a big word. Write the stuff that’s closest to home, whatever that means, and it’s likely it’ll hit someone else right there too.

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I keep mentioning this non-chronological Remus/Sirius fic about “thinking,” and I’m really truly working on it! I’m on chapter 4 of what will likely be 10 and because I’ve got my qualifying exam for my PhD program in the spring I’ve decided not to start posting until I’m at least halfway through, but it’s coming along. If “The Weather Inside” was about what I’d call interiority--the experience of a significant inner life--this one is about Remus’ relationship to thinking, broadly understood: the way that feeling and thinking don’t seem separate to him, and the way his erotic experiences are propelled by thought or some sort of headspace, and the struggle to be compatible with someone who is all about Doing Things, aka Sirius Black. It’s got too many references to Muggle literature and a lot of fraught conversations and I’m really excited about it. You know, also, I have a weird confusing relationship to femslash that I’d sure like to deal with at some point, so maybe some queer Ginny will come out of that.

14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read.

Can I tag my Tumblr social anxiety? jk do these if you want no pressure you’re great sorry to bother you lol: @bigblckdog @toyhto @montpahrnah

*All answers should be about works published in 2017. Also, you can skip any questions you hate or don’t want to answer, but please leave them on the list so that others can do them if they want.

[sunken-standard]

Drabble Meme Prompt Fill Number Infinity

Since I had three sets of prompts with significant overlap, I combined them:

Requested by @mistykins06:Dear one. I'm incredibly late to the latest Drabble challenge so I shall throw 86 (You’re cute with glasses)  and 96 (I could’ve gone pro) at you to do with what you will. Love, Mistykins06 Requested by @mizjoely: If you're still taking prompts, 20, 21 & 22 would be fab (together, apart, whatever floats your boat!) - When’s the last time you smiled?/ Stop being such a brat/ If I wanted one, I would have gotten it myself Requested by @theleftpill: For the drabble meme - I have no idea what the phrases are since I don't have the original list, so I'm choosing numbers for personal reasons: 86 (You’re cute with glasses ), 20 (When’s the last time you smiled?), 22 (If I wanted one, I would have gotten it myself)

Set in The Cheese Stands Alone ‘verse.

"You’re cute with glasses"/ "I could’ve gone pro"/ "When’s the last time you smiled?"/ "Stop being such a brat"/ "If I wanted one, I would have gotten it myself"

"Stop being such a brat and just come back," Molly said, her ancient cordless phone wedged between her ear and shoulder as she refilled the salt shaker.  She always tidied her kitchen when she was using her land line, it was ridiculous.  Who still used a land line anyway? Her one remaining friend from the Tom-era and former colleague 'Meena,' apparently.  Dull.  "Three is old enough to stay home alone for a few hours while you take a shift in the lab.  Just give him a little Benylin and put him in a dog crate with a blanket over it, turn on the telly for some noise, he won't even know you're gone."

Ah yes, the future mother of my children, Sherlock thought dryly.

"Pfft, unfit.  And if I wanted one, I would have got it myself.  No, it's not baby-snatching if you leave something of equal value in the pram, like a puppy or a bag of apples."

He glanced up and she was smiling that little dimply, impish smile of hers.  She was trying to murder him; cause of death—ironically unrequited love and cuteness.

"I'm telling you, the new techs they send in just keep getting worse.  I don't know where they're getting them, but..."  A pause while Meena said something that made Molly's lips twist into a half-smile, half grimace.  "Oh, he was a dope, but at least he's not a creep.  This new one, Gaz—yeah, I know, right?—spent his entire first day staring at my tits like he was trying to make eye contact with them to assert his dominance or something."

He's not going to last long, Sherlock thought darkly.  His eyes drifted to her chest, her bra-less breasts wobbling  rather enticingly under her t-shirt.  Molly would find a way to take care of it, she always did, but if she didn't, he could arrange for 'Gaz' to accidentally fall down some stairs or something else equally violent and debilitating.  One of the many perks of associating with the criminal classes.

Molly snapped her fingers in front of her chest to get his attention, then pointed rather pointedly to her eyes while pursing her lips.  They're up here.

Shit. She'd caught him looking.  And rather than being flustered or flattered or—best-case—ready to throw the phone down and whip her t-shirt over her head to let him have a go at them, she just looked annoyed.

She laughed at something Meena said and went back to tidying the worktop.

*

"Ugh, my ear feels like it's going to fall off," she said, flopping down next to him on the sofa.  It was a Herculean effort not to watch her breasts bounce as she did it; now that she knew he looked and she wasn't happy about it, it was all he wanted to do.  Well, more than he normally did, which, to be fair, was a significant amount of time anyway.

He looked at her ear, instead, which was quite red from where it had been pressed to the phone for the last hour and change.

"Now you know why I don't like lengthy phone conversations."

"You don't like any phone conversations," she contradicted, pulling that scornful face of hers that made her look like she should be wearing a ball gown, surrounded by birds and anthropomorphic mice and talking teapots.

"Texting is easier."

"Not when I'm in the middle of a post-mortem."

"That's why you have assistants."

"I have assistants to assist with the post-mortem. Not to answer questions like, 'Could you, in theory, fit three Walnut Whips in your mouth at once?'  Though really, can't complain about that one, the next day I had seven of them on my desk because apparently Ann told everyone in the department and they all wanted to know.  So, I mean, free chocolate.  Oh, don't make that face."

"What face?  This is my normal face."  He might have been making a face; that text was actually supposed to be private, since it wasn't for a case and more a matter of personal curiosity.  He'd also been eating a Walnut Whip at the time and was having other, entirely less innocent thoughts about her eating one, too.

"Well, yes, but it's a glower.  When's the last time you smiled?"

"Yesterday, though it may have just been wind," he answered dryly.

It had the desired effect; she couldn't help herself and snorted.  Molly loved a fart joke.  Maybe he could get her to watch some Monty Python again later.  

*

"I really wish Meena would come back.  She was so good at her job—no accidents, always there on time, never ran the wrong tests on the wrong samples.  And she was so much fun!  She was the one who dared me to wear her glasses when they did the new ID badge photos.  We were talking about how no one ever checks them anyway and I could probably wear a clown nose and a rainbow wig and no one would even raise an eyebrow," Molly said, her tone wistful.  

"Mm, always wondered why you had them in that picture," he murmured distractedly, deftly applying a second coat of red varnish to her middle toenail.  Being her stand-in girlfriend wasn't all bad all the time; at least he got to be physically close to her and she talked to him. "You look cute with glasses."

Bollocks, he thought.  He hadn't meant to say that out loud.  He hoped she'd just take it as a girlfriend thing, like telling her her hair was on point or those shoes were hot or whatever it was women said to each other to be supportive.

"Oh, ah, thank you," she said.  It was almost a question.  

"You're welcome?" he answered, making it a question himself.

He finished applying the varnish in excruciating silence; he was very aware of Molly watching him as he picked her foot up off his lap to blow on her still-wet nails.  It was a heavy moment.

"You're, ah, really good at that.  Pedicures, I mean," Molly said, her voice strained.

"Had a case once for a nail salon owner.  Industrial espionage, more or less—well, less, more than more, they had their own line of varnishes and care products that were being tampered with.  Learned how to do it there.  She said I could've gone pro.  I even got to keep the tips," he babbled, realizing he'd been swiping his thumb over Molly's ankle.

"Just the tips?" Molly asked, and he really wasn't sure if she was making a sex joke or asking a genuine question; he swallowed hard against the implication of the former and the very vivid image his brain supplied him with.

"Actually got a bottle of nail varnish, too.  I used it in an experiment.  It was purple."  I carried a watermelon.

Good thing she didn't know he'd actually seen (and liked) Dirty Dancing; he could at least maintain the illusion of having a working pair of testicles. There had to be an appropriate joke in there about the colour blue as well, but he was having a hard time (ha) thinking past the smoothness of her skin.  She'd shaved just the night before.

"How is your ankle, by the way?" he asked, changing the subject to something safe.

"Much better, barely feel it now.  Bruising's almost gone," she said too quickly, grateful that the conversation was moving away from weird, at least.

"I see," he said, pushing up her trouser leg under the pretence of inspecting her ankle.

"I mean, you can still wait on me hand and foot and carry me up the stairs, if you're still feeling guilty," she joked. "Wouldn't mind a bacon butty right now.  Or a glass of wine.  Or both."

He turned to her with a look of appalled affront at her gustatory choices, then let it drop.  "Actually, do you have any bacon in? I'm a bit peckish myself."

"No, but I've still got plenty of cheese."

"Grilled cheese it is, then.  Goes better with the wine, anyway," he said, easing himself out from under her feet.

*

"Mm, God, this is gorgeous," she said, using her finger to swipe a gooey string of cheese off of her chin.  "Since when do you know how to cook things that aren't potentially explosive or otherwise hazardous?"

"I'm a man of many talents," he said before biting into his own sandwich.  Using the sliced apple in it had been a stroke of brilliance if he did say so himself.  "I know how to both boil and fry an egg, too," he added.

"With skills like that, you'll make some lucky woman very happy one day," she said lightly.  "You can certainly fill out an apron." She gave him an amused mock-leer from where she was leaned against the sink with her plate.

The apron was rather ridiculous, but he wasn't going to ruin a £300 shirt with grease splatter.

"Well, if you ever come across a woman who doesn't mind the occasional potentially explosive or otherwise hazardous dinner, enjoys solving crimes, and can provide me with human body parts for experimentation, then do give her my number," he said, skirting the edge of actually flirting by injecting just a hint of sarcasm into his tone. It was either that or drop to his knees and beg her to just give him a chance to make her happy; he'd rather not ruin the evening, though.

"I don't know, a woman like that sounds awfully dangerous.  Probably has a few bodies buried in her back garden.  Could have had an ex-boyfriend that was a criminal mastermind.  Maybe he's even buried in her back garden."  She smirked before taking a bite of her sandwich.  

He was hit with the memory of when he'd told her Moriarty was dead and she needed to do something with the body until Mycroft could arrange disposal; Shall I just bury him in my back garden, then? had been her incredulous response.  Hadn't been nearly as amusing at the time.

Wait, was she flirting?  Or was she just going along with the joke?

"I like a woman who knows her way around a shovel.  Graverobbing's always much more fun with two."

"I thought that was housebreaking."

"That too. Lots of things are better with two.  Vandalism, confidence tricks, footraces, most board games..."

"Sex," she supplied.

"Probably," he agreed.

He could almost hear the needle scratch across the vinyl before she scrutinized him.

"I mean, with one person it's not really sex as such and three or more is just too many, so two for sex.  Two is the magic number there. Two people.  Having sex," he stumbled to clarify, anything to cover the fact that he had no first-hand knowledge of the act.  

"Ohhh-kay."

And it was going so well there for a minute.

*

"Sherlock," she said, pulling her calves away from his still-cold feet.

"Hm."

"If I, ah, ever did meet a woman like you described before, or, I mean, someone I thought you might like, would you, ah, ever want me to introduce you?  Because, I—I would."

"Thank you, but no."

"Women not your area, married to your work, right."

"No, that's just what I tell John when asks annoying, invasive questions." Because it was dark and he was turned away from her and there was always something about the night-time that made confessions easier, he said it.  "To be quite honest, I'm not interested in meeting any women.  I've already met one and I can't really imagine anyone else being able to hold a candle to her."

"Oh," she said quietly, sadly.  "If you, ah, ever want to talk about it, I mean, it must be hard to keep up long distance for so long..."

Long distance?  What was she—oh.  Irene Adler, John's blog and the lie he'd told about the witness protection scheme in America.  

Really though, what he had with Molly could be considered long distance; the other side of the bed may as well be the other side of the world for all the distance between them.

"It can be trying at times, but every moment I do get with her is precious," he said sincerely.  It was probably a cruel thing to do to make her think it was someone else, but maybe, just maybe, if he could get his feelings out like this, he could tell her the truth someday.  Or else he was shooting himself in the foot.

She reached over and gave his arm a gentle squeeze.

"I'd spend every hour of every day with her if I could.  Sleep next to her every night.  Apart from the cold feet, I don't think she'd mind."

"She probably doesn't mind the cold feet as much as she pretends to," Molly said, her voice taking on that gentle, heartbreaking tone of hers when she was clamping down on her own misery to ease someone else's.  

He'd maybe made a bit of a mistake, miscalculated how deeply buried the feelings she used to have for him still were.  He didn't want to hurt her.

He wiggled backwards a bit and pressed his feet against her again; this time to the outside of her leg, one foot from her ankle to mid-calf, the other above it.

"Or maybe she does mind it, but she puts up with your bullshit because she loves you too much anyway," Molly said, poking him in the back.

His heart sped up with the thought of Molly loving him in return; what a wonderful thing that would be.

"I do sometimes wonder if she does.  She's never said it.  Not in so many words, at least."

"Have you ever said it to her?  I mean, assuming you do love her, which it sounds like you do."

"Oh, I do.  More than I ever thought possible.  Never found the right moment to actually tell her, though.  The timing's always bad."

"Mm. Yeah."  A pause.  "I'm sure you'll find the right time and the right words one day."

"One hopes," he dismissed.

They settled back down to sleep, both lost in their own thoughts.  

"Molly—"

"Hm?"

"Goodnight." He just couldn't do it.  Wanted to, but couldn't.

One day.

[birdlord]

What I Watched in 2016

Here are the movies and TV series I watched in 2016, some with commentary and some without. The number after the movies is the date of release, my faves are bolded, and rewatches are marked with as asterisk. Last year’s list!

01 Do I Sound Gay (14)

02 We are The Best! (13)

03 Hateful Eight (15)

04 Welcome to Me (14)

05 For Your Eyes Only (81) - I listened to a lot of back episodes of the James Bonding podcast early this year, which of course led to watching a bunch of Bond movies. Not all, and not in order, certainly.

06 She’s the One (96)

07 * Diamonds are Forever (71)

08 It’s Complicated (09) - I think it was an article about the kitchen design in this movie that led me to watch it?

09 The Natural (84)

10 * Anna Karenina (12) - Never having read the book I can’t REALLY speak to this movie but haha I kinda love its commitment to artifice. 

11 About Time (13)

12 What We Do in the Shadows (14) - I did enjoy this, but wasn’t as taken by it as I thought I might be. Found the werewolves the funniest by far, so I wish they’d turned up more often. 

13 The Abominable Bride (15) - counting this as a movie, it was the Sherlock xmas special and I recall exactly zero about it, so…..must have been amazing, right?

14 Wake in Fright (71) - Never Go To Australia 

15 Hail Caesar (16) - I think I’d have to see it again to determine if the whole thing actually holds together, but at the time, it felt of a piece with the Coen’s cheerier output. 

16 In the Heart of the Sea (15)

17 The Night of the Comet (84)

18 Laggies (14)

19 * Bowling for Columbine (02)

20 A Gentleman’s Agreement (47) - confessional, experiential journalism, but done by Cary Grant in the 40s. Ahead of his time/gender?

21 Barefoot in the Park (67)

22 Suddenly Last Summer (59)

23 Tangerine (15)

24 * His Girl Friday (40)

25 That Touch of Mink (62)

26 * Charlie’s Angels (00)

27 9-5 (80) - Holy shit, somehow I thought this movie was just a rah-rah, girl power story about a bunch of secretaries getting together and overthrowing their boss and yeah, that’s SORT OF it but it gets way way weirder in the final third.

28 * Who Framed Roger Rabbit (88)

29 * The Addams Family (91)

30 * Addams Family Values (93)

31 Frida (02)

32 Bridge of Spies (15) - A E I O U and sometimes SPIES :O

33 Swimming With Sharks (94)

34 Sleeping With the Enemy (91)

35 Fatal Attraction (87) - Watched this movie and the previous one as part of an 80s/90s thriller weekend. These two are an interesting contrast to one another, being as the first is about an abusive husband and the second focuses on the most notable example of the “crazy ex-girlfriend”.

36 1 Cloverfield Lane (16)

37 The Man Who Never Was (56)

38 * To Die For (95) - This was a super fave of Teen Emily, who definitely identified with the Lydia character. Watching this time was a huge reminder than Illeana Douglas is a goddamn national treasure.

39 Trouble In Paradise (32)

40 Eraser (96)

41 * Flashdance (83)

42 * Notting Hill (99)

43 Gone to Earth (50) - Not the best Powell and Pressburger out there, but one takes what one can get, right?

44 Holiday Camp (47)

45 Never Sleep Again (10) - This is a four-hour doc about the entire Nightmare on Elm St series, and is the reason I watched Freddy’s Revenge a couple of movies down the list. It’s not a series that I have a particular attachment to, so I learned a ton.

46 Clouds of Sils Maria (15)

47 Mommie Dearest (81) - I’m not sure that I have enough appreciation for high camp to really get into this. There were some moments, but overall it’s a fine example of the kind of thing that is Not For Me.

48 Nightmare on Elm St: Freddy’s Revenge (85)

49 Inside Man (06)

50 Trainwreck (15)

51 White God (14)

52 * Sleepwalk With Me (12)

53 Amy (15)

54 * Meatballs (79)

55 Everybody Wants Some!! (16) - I found this a huge disappointment, and I’ve been a bit mystified by its positive reviews and inclusion on critics’ end of year lists. While D&C definitely has a “main character”, and we do follow him and his friends, other people and subsets of the high school are given serious time and consideration. Ultimately, I don’t think following this one dude tripping through a bunch of different college subsets was as illuminating. Plus, weak jokes.

56 * Dazed & Confused (93) - had to cleanse the mind-palate by watching the original!

57 Summertime (55)

58 The Money Pit (86)

59 Zombeavers (14)

60 Mistress America (15) - I am finding Greta Gerwig more and more charming, the more I see of her. Greta, let’s be friends!

61 While We’re Young (14)

62 The Invitation (16) - quite effective, very upper-middle-class bohemian LA horror film. I’ve heard some complaints about the final scene, but I thought it was an effective & clever way to show an expanding scope without an extra expense or sets.

63 End of Days (99)

64 Escape From New York (81)

65 Escape from L.A. (96) - Watched these two together, on the same night. They definitely should NOT be watched that way, given how identical the plots are. Unbelievably terrible ’96-era CGI in the second one, hard to believe that Jurassic Park was three years previous?? Gotta get that Spielberg money, am I right?

66 High Rise (16) - my only real disappointment in this movie was not being around to see the decline of the civilization - we jump straight from things being fine (if weird) and everything gone to heck. My favourite part is the decline, give me decline!

67 The Great Outdoors (88)

68 * Catch Me If You Can (02)

69 Little Darlings (80) - just your classic losing-virginity-at-camp story, but…wait for it….with GIRLS.

70 * Good Will Hunting (97)

71 Popstar (16) - diminishing returns, but some funny bits (mostly in the songs, not surprisingly). 

72 Tarzan (16) - watched this with friends and relatives, at a drive-in theatre a couple of days after my wedding! It’s NOT a good movie, but it was a fun time.

73 Love & Friendship (16) - got completely obsessed with Tom Bennett based on his 100% rate of scene-stealing in this film. Sevigny feels utterly out of place - am I capable of seeing her in a period piece set before, say, 1975 without feeling weird about it?

74 The Night Before (15)

75 Ghostbusters (16) - So I know I was supposed to be charmed by Kate McKinnon, but her schtick just doesn’t work on me, for whatever reason. I was also really frustrated by the final fight scene of this movie - it had obviously been hacked up in editing, and wtf is up with punching ghosts instead of containing them? I’m glad this movie happened, and certainly a great deal of the criticism it came in for was deeply unfair, but it was distinctly disappointing to find that this movie just wasn’t that great.

76 Brooklyn (15)

77 Poltergeist (82)

78 * Before Sunrise (95)

79 Love & Basketball (00) - Effusive praise for this movie somehow came to my attention from all over the place this year, so I finally had to watch it.

80 The Man Who Knew Too Much (56)

81 * Road House (89)

82 Carol (15) - watching this FINALLY allowed me to fully participate in Today’s Meme Culture

83 * Out of Sight (98)

84 Happy Texas (99)

85 Red Rock West (93)

86 Weiner Dog (15)

87 The Trouble With Harry (55)

88 * When Harry Met Sally (89)

89 Jungle Fever (91)

90 Ocean’s 11 (01)

91 Star Trek Beyond (16)

92 Two For the Road (67)

93 * Seven Year Itch (55)

94 Maggie’s Plan (15) - like I said earlier about Greta Gerwig? I liked this one even more than Mistress.

95 The Dish (00)

96 Splash (84)

97 Desk Set (57) - watching this and the next were inspired by stumbling across a blog about depictions of librarians on film. I particularly hit on this one because I’ve always wanted to see a Hepburne/Tracy film, and never had (to my memory, anyhow).

98 Party Girl (95) - one of those movies I’d always noticed on the shelves at the video store, and never actually watched it.

99 * Young Frankenstein (74) - saw this in the theatre, Gene Wilder notwithstanding I…..don’t think it’s good. It’s only extremely intermittently funny, you guys! Plus, the Putting’ on the Ritz bit makes me uncomfortable (especially in audio-only form, which I heard TOO many times after Wilder died).

100 The House of the Devil (09)

101* The Witches of Eastwick (87)

102 The Borning (81)

103 * Shaun of the Dead (04)

104 Dolores Claiborne (95)

105 The Conjuring 2 (13)

106 In a Valley of Violence (16) - definitely watched this because I happened across an article about the movie’s dog star. 

107 The Witch (16) - very effective in getting across the supernatural, natural, and social dangers of early puritan America, and Black Philip has entered my idiolect for any creepy animal/person/twitter feed. 

108 * Wayne’s World (92)

109 What if (13) - riffs on When Harry Met Sally’s fundamental question of women and men being friends, and basically comes to the same conclusion. yawn.

110 The Martian (15) - I read the book as part of a book club last year, and finally got around to watching the film. Since I found the worst of the writing in the book to be those passages dealing with description, the movie was a lot less annoying to experience.

111 Sleepless in Seattle (93)

112 * Thelma & Louise (91)

113 Casino (95)

114 Other People (16) - wept several times. GOSH I love Jesse Plemons, he’s so hugely sympathetic. Would watch in virtually anything.

115 The Life & Death of Colonel Blimp (43)

116 Primary Colors (98)

117 Edge of Seventeen (16)

118 *Die Hard (88) - loaded up the laptop with this and the next four xmas-set movies, for watching on planes and in airports, while we were on the road at christmastime.

119 *Batman Returns (92)

120 *Scrooged (88)

121 * The Apartment (60)

Theatre - 5

Drive-in - 1

All the rest at home or at friends’ homes!

TV SERIES

*The Office US S2-3

War & Peace (2016) - you bet your BOOTS I started the book after watching this. Did I finish it? Not even close.

Love (2016)

Better Call Saul S2 - this is a show I enjoy while I’m watching it, but I don’t particularly find it memorable. Why? Who knows. It’s still something I look forward to, but not a show that sticks with me.

Great British Bake off *S1, *S2, S7 + Xmas Specials - a eulogy for Bake-Off as it was. Pour one (pint of double cream, that is) out for what once was.

Broad City S5

Travel Man S1, S2 - I find Richard Ayoade so desperately charming, but ever time I’ve watched one of the movies he’s directed, I’ve ended up disappointed. This show is a bit hit or miss, depending on the guests he brings along, and the episodes definitely have a sameness to them, but if you find this guy even a sliver as entertaining as I do, it’ll pull you along anyhow.

The Night Manager - so looking forward to Hugh Laurie’s upcoming career phase as Bond Villain.

Cooked

Newsradio S1-S3 - I’d seen an episode or two of this over the years but never sat down to fully appreciate it. It’s making me miss Phil Hartman all over again, a fresh devastation, plus haha did u know Tone Loc plays a security guard on this show? It’s all true.

Lady Dynamite

OJ Made In America - I’ll count this as a series, since I didn’t watch it in the theatre. Still haven’t seen the other big OJ series of 2016, but I loved loved LOVED this. What impressed me the most is that, in spite of its 7 hour+ running time there were still aspects of this story that could have been expanded upon.

Silicon Valley S3

* Veep S1, S2

Catastrophe S2

Pulling - went back in time to get more Sharon Horgan in my life, since Catastrophe seasons are terribly short and far-between. I’d been aware of this show for a long time, and somehow wasn’t expecting it to be as near-devastating as it ended up being. What, did I forget what a British show was like?

Another Period S2

Difficult People S1, S2 - Another late discovery, but a great one. A fine example of just giving some funny people a show, and letting them just do their thing on it every week.

Fleabag - yes, I’m in for this, obviously. And if I wasn’t, the show designed itself to put me off, from the first moments. A wise move!

One Mississippi

Very British Problems S1, S2

Atlanta - I’ve got a bad feeling that this show’s deserved success will lead to surreal elements being deployed, but much less deftly than they were here.

Please Like Me S1-S4 - Tore through this entire series greedily, am now suffering until they make another season. Balances some very harrowing elements with comedy and an ensemble cast of loveable/terrible humans.

Divorce - Sharon Horgan’s writing minus her acting is a hollow empty shell, but hey, I’ll take what I can get, when I can get it.

The Fall S3 - I’d decided last year after S2 that I was done with this show, and yet, here we are, I was drawn back in.

The Crown

Insecure

[sunken-standard]

New Drabble meme with fantastic options? How about: 41, 81 and 145? Separately is fine ( I say far too casually to be believed) or together (I shrug) ya know. Whatever works for you...

Take notes, sweetheart./ Excuse me forfalling in love with you./ What’s the biggest lie you ever told?

(This fell out of the badfic tree andhit just about every trope on the way down.  In the same ‘verse as Chapter 35 of Ficlet Cemetery)

*

Win a Mystery Date with SherlockHolmes! the splash page to John’s blog read.  The wholebackground was a high-res picture of Sherlock (John had changed theformat again, making it more like one of those trendy think-piecemagazine blogs that you had to scroll forever just to get past thedamn header), deerstalker tugged down low and coat lapels held closedover his face, leaving just his eyes visible, electric blue andintense as always.  He must have been in the sun a bit before thepicture was taken, she could just make out a few errant freckles (theexistence of which he vehemently denied) dusting his cheekbones.

Would not mind waking up to thatevery morning, she thought, then remembered that she did, infact, wake up next to that three or four mornings out of seven. Except the one she woke up to usually had his face smashed into thepillow with drool crusted in the corner of his mouth and Tim Burtonhair.

“I’m telling you, you need to doposters,” Molly said, shifting the phone against her ear so shecould type.  "How did you get him to agree to it?“

Mary laughed on the other end.  "Youreally think we told him?  Seriously though, it was his idea.  Seemslike he’s got a stalker.”

“Oh, that’s just Anderson,”Molly dismissed, typing a reply to one of the new comments on herlatest video.

“No, a real one,” Sherlocksaid from directly behind her.  She jumped, shouting as her phoneclattered onto the keyboard.

“Where did you even come from?”she accused, picking her phone up.  "Sorry,“ she apologizedto Mary.

"They have these new things calleddoors.  Rather frivolous, I doubt they’ll catch on,” Sherlocksaid, dragging ‘his’ chair over and flopping into it, nudging her outof the way of the keyboard.

“Well, I believe that’s my cue. Damien will be up from her nap soon, anyway,” Mary rung off.

Molly set her phone down and turned toSherlock, who was, as always, too close for comfort.  "So youhave a stalker,“ she said.  She wasn’t going to get her computerback anytime soon.

"Actually, you have astalker.  I started getting threats after that stupid YouTube video.”

“That was two months ago!  You’rejust telling me now?”

“I do get quite a lot of threats. Didn’t notice at first.  You’re perfectly safe.  Well, for now, atleast, but that’s why we’re nipping this in the bud.”

“So how is a fan going on a datewith you going to catch my stalker?”

Sherlock looked at her askance,obviously waiting for her to catch up.

Oh.  Of course.  "I’m going to winthe contest, aren’t I?“

Sherlock tipped his head and went backto typing.  In her comments, while logged into heraccount.  That tit. "We’re filming it and live-tweeting it, too. Mary said something about cross-promotion or advertising or…  Idon’t know, I stopped listening after 'scavenger hunt.’”

“So… this wasn’t your idea?”

“Using you as bait was.  The restwas all Mary.  She’s better at this sort of thing than I am.”

“Because she’s a woman?”  Itwas nicer than saying 'because she’d actually been on a date.’

“Because she’s an assassin. She’s got more experience with ambushes.”

*

“Oh for—would you stop lookingaround like that?  This is a date.  We are on a date. Not a stakeout,” Sherlock hissed from behind his menu.

“But it is a stakeout,”Molly said, tone measured.  

“Mary, God’s sake stop laughing,by the time you’re done editing there’ll be fifteen seconds of usablecontent.”

Mary coughed and forced her face intosomething serious.  "Just read the consolation prize card.“

Sherlock sighed and looked heavenward,pulling a card from inside his jacket.

"I swear his suits are like aTardis.  He carries all this stuff around and you can never tell. He’s got like a cricket bat, an espresso machine, and a badger inthere, it’s ridiculous,” Molly said quietly to Mary.  "Prettysure he’s got like half a pipe band and an entire double-decker busin his coat.“

"If you’re quite finished?”Sherlock said.  He plastered on a fake smile.  "And ourthird-prize winner in the 'Win a Mystery Date with Sherlock Holmes’contest is MarkOfTheBeast420—"

“…isn’t that Mrs. Hudson?”Molly whispered to Mary.

“No, she’s 221BlazeIt,” Marycorrected.

“Ah, right.”

Sherlock raised his voice a little toshow his displeasure with being interrupted (git; served him right)“—who gets dinner for two at Angelo’s in central London andyour choice of pink phone case or pocket-magnifier from theScienceOfDeduction store.”

“Where there’s always a candle onthe table,” Angelo said, leaning into the frame in front ofSherlock to place a candle conspicuously on the table while smilingnervously into the camera.

“Yes, thank you, do remember toorder off-menu, no request too exotic,” Sherlock said as Angelostepped back.  He stuck the corner of the card into the lit candle,flames quickly crawling up the edge to consume half of it before hedropped it off to the side (which happened to be onto the plate ofone of the diners at the next table over).

It was going to be a long day, Mollythought.

*

“—passes for two and a copy ofThe Man Who Made Vermeers.  I might actually like to readthis,” Molly said, flipping the book around and looking at theback cover.

“I have it at home, you can borrowit,” Sherlock said.

“Is it any good?”

Sherlock bobbed his head and did alittle wiggle that indicated 'not bad.’

Molly shrugged and set the book down,then tried to act natural as she walked to her mark.  "Oh look,our next clue,“ she said.  It was a typographic poster on aneasel; Mary didn’t really go all out.  Budget constraints.  

”'What’s the biggest lie youever told?’  Really?“  Sherlock scowled at Mary.

"Size doesn’t matter,” Mollyanswered quickly, wanting to beat him to the punch on just one of theclues.

“Wh—?”

“The question, aren’t we doing thething?  So, ah, something small like Vienna sausages?”

“No,” Sherlock said slowly,“I think you need to go a bit deeper than that.”

Molly opened her mouth, then closed itand shook her head.  She shared a look with Mary; too easy.

Sherlock closed his eyes and clenchedhis jaw.

*

“So you really think it’s a goodidea to bring my stalker to the place I work,” Molly said asthey went through the main doors of the hospital.

“We’ll spot him from the roof. And Mary says it’ll make a great texture shot.”

*

“How long do we have to be uphere?” Molly asked, fists balled in her cardigan.  It had been anice day, but the weather had turned overcast and a fine mist of rainhad begun to fall.

“Until the stalker shows.  Nextbus is in five.  Probably on it,” Sherlock said.

Mary had turned the camera off to savebattery, moving to the far end of the roof to call John to check in.

“Honestly, I don’t know why weneeded this plan in the first place.  There have to be easier ways ofcatching a stalker in the act.  And getting blog traffic.  I mean, wecould have just turned it over to the police, let them handle it.”

“Yes, because we both know howcompetent they are.”

She was cold, she was tired, and shewas feeling a bit bitchy.  "Did everything have to be soelaborate, though?  I mean, maybe he had to work today or somethingand wasn’t even following us.  Or, I dunno, maybe it’s just sometroll.  Maybe you’re overreacting to the whole thing.  You don’t haveto be so… protective of everyone all the time.“

"Excuse me for falling in lovewith you,” he muttered.

There’s no way she heard thatright.  "You wha—?“

"I said 'Excuse me for failing tofind the clue.’  If I’d been able to find the stalker through moreconventional means, I would have,” he sniffed, turning away tolook over the side of the roof again.

Yeah, that’s really notwhat he said, Molly thought, but wasn’t about to press the issue. At least, 1.) not on a rooftop, 2.) in the rain, and 3.) with Marythere.

Of course, that was when the door tothe roof banged open and eleven stone of weedy,surprisingly-otherwise-normal-if-a-bit-young stalker came lopingthrough brandishing a knife and babbling something about 'don’t knowhow to treat a goddess, Mistress Molly deserves respect, phony blahblah, tosser blah blah.’  Sherlock moved in front of her because hereally was that protective, hands up and trying to placate ratherthan provoke.

That is, until Mary jumped the stalkerfrom behind and locked an arm around his neck, digging a thumb intohis wrist so he dropped the knife.

“Take notes, sweetheart,” shegrunted.  "This is how you do a choke-hold, not those weaklittle lady-hugs that you give.“

Molly peeked out from behind Sherlockto watch the struggle, briefly glancing at Sherlock, who still lookedaffronted.

"Lady-hugs,” he grumbled. Then, glancing down at her, “Might want to get hospital securityon the phone.”

*

“—and if you click the linkbelow, you’ll find a discount coupon for 10% off any sarnie combofrom Speedy’s!  And, ah, that’s the end of my Mystery Date withSherlock Holmes.  Bye!”  Molly waved at the camera; Sherlockclamped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer.

“Aww, that was cute,” Marysaid, turning off the camera and capping the lens.  She promised toget a copy of the raw footage to Molly the next day and there werehugs and cheek kisses goodbye and then Molly was left standing aloneoutside of Speedy’s.  Well, alone with Sherlock, who was looking abit shifty.

“So would you, uh, like to come upfor coffee?” he asked.

She narrowed her eyes at him.  "Wejust had coffee.  Are you trying to trick me into washing your dishesagain?“

"No,” he said.  "I’vejust heard it’s the done thing when a date goes particularly well.“

"So you think our fake date wentwell?” she asked.  She might have been flirting, just a little,little bit.

“We did catch a violentstalker.”

“And I did get to go to aplanetarium.”

“So exciting you fell asleep,”he remarked, but there was no real bite to it.

She smiled at him and he smiled at her;it was definitely a moment.

“You know, I think I will havethat cup of coffee,” she said.