#that reminds me i think i've actually had a mutual tell me they imagine me with the diavolo hair spots before a long time ago

[shoechoe]

Since i diacovered your blog i just see you as diavolo irl so Its so fascinating seeing you talk about diavolo in 3rd person everytime. My brain just goes "why are they talking about themselves that way oh right they're not actually diavolo" and its wack i have to remember this

Which in turn ends up sounding like something hed do. oops

i have been assigned diavolo kin by anon. i feel accomplished

[notmorbid]

all-night pharmacy.

dialogue prompts from all-night pharmacy by ruth madievsky.

you're so alive, it's scary.

being a person doesn't come naturally for me.

what's the deal with this place?

you are my best and my worst friend.

are we horrible people?

i like the idea of having someone to come home to.

i can't tell if you're being cruel or if you're just dumb.

these aren't the decisions of a well-adjusted person.

the less you know about my life, the better.

everyone here is a liar and a cheat.

you deserve to have a life of your own.

a person can't be held responsible for what they don't know.

all relationships are transactional.

no one should have that much power over you.

it isn't too late to come back.

you're uninvited from my birthday party.

i love you, but you're such a cunt.

who do you think you are?

forced intimacy makes me lightheaded.

i know you're in there. let me in.

jesus. why do you have a knife?

what happened last night?

it was less embarrassing to pretend i didn't care.

maybe i'm not the mothering type.

i wish i could carry some of this pain for you.

i need a break from feeling so much all the time.

sometimes i can't tell if i'm asleep or awake.

whatever's going on, we'll figure it out.

i don't know what's wrong with me. i'm scared all the time.

this is the most i can imagine for myself.

if you're not asking yourself 'am i ruining my life?' at least once a day, you're not living at all.

you act like you're over it, but it's okay if you're not.

all my life, i've felt like a dead animal with its skin still on.

it's a virtue to rid yourself of anything that doesn't serve you.

i've never had a day of rest in my life.

i chase after you like a dog, leaving pieces of myself behind, and every time, you act like that's how it's supposed to be.

you don't take me seriously. i'm not a real person to you.

i can't play house anymore.

never say that name in front of me.

to you, other people are always the problem.

you can't reach a mutual understanding without spilling blood.

want to make fifty bucks?

the only way to really see a person is to lose everything you have in common.

you don't think we'll get caught?

our loyalty is to story, not reality.

just don't do anything that could result in a lawsuit or a tmz article, and you're fine.

i don't have the energy to keep up with your antics.

our most beloved delusion was that lying to each other was a kind of love.

speaking our fears aloud won't save us.

one day, the mask slipped. i haven't been able to wear it since.

i try not to think about my life at all.

a junkie can spot another junkie without a flashlight.

your voice reminds me of wool sweaters.

boundaries? i don't know her.

i'm just sick of doing the same goddamn thing every day.

you are obsessed with a projection that will never love you back.

think of me as a spiritually connected friend.

i know liars. you don't strike me as one.

you have iconically poor judgment.

has anyone ever told you about your past lives?

you're capable of tolerating a lot. frankly, more than you should.

friendship can be a slow burn. you don't have to consume it like a drink at last call.

i'll give you a clue. i work for myself.

you make me want to feel things again.

criticism is still a cousin of attention.

you don't have to pretend to like something just because i made it.

i know you crave being told what to do.

you don't have to settle for being a person things happen to.

you have desires. act on them.

bitch, does this look like an intro to philosophy seminar?

i thought i had quit you.

my favorite. how did you know?

i feel like my organs are cannibalizing each other.

how did i get here? that's not a rhetorical question. i'm actually asking.

i can't tell if i believe it, or if i'm making excuses for myself.

sometimes i wonder if it's healthy how much meaning you see in things.

you're always waiting for the universe to hurt you or to love you. usually in that order.

that's how it was in my family. reading the room was a survival skill.

where will all the animals go in the rapture?

a bunch of fuckups under one roof doesn't constitute a family.

my little saint.

time passes more slowly as a sober person.

you'd better not pull away from me now.

there's a russian proverb that goes, 'so much is ruined by saying it aloud'.

you wear your emotions like a name tag.

your resting face frightens me.

how are you both the most innocent and the most experienced person i've ever met?

i need you to just be here with me.

our dead deserve to see you happy.

i like the idea of being marked by you.

i don't know what i saw, but it was more than i wanted.

i know what i saw.

i can't tell which of the memories are real, if any.

i can't believe you're mine.

nobody warned me how terrifying it is to get what you want.

you're cute when you're freaked out.

sex is supposed to be unsettling.

there are things i need to atone for.

you can't go back like it's nothing.

i won't live in service of my dead's vision for me.

___ was a real person. a murder isn't a metaphor.

count five things you can see. four things you can touch. three things you can hear. two things you can smell. one thing you can taste.

banish one god, and you'll end up worshiping another.

i want to be with you, but i don't want to keep feeling like this.

you know everything about me, but you won't let me know you.

you aren't someone i can keep at a distance.

i've been reading about intergenerational curses.

resisting something isn't the same as not wanting it.

anything you say stays between us.

i can't decide if i like you.

most people only possess a third of the empathy they think they have.

will it get easier?

hope is a tricky thing: losing it is bad, but so is having too much.

i don't want the future to come. i have a bad feeling about it.

in cartoons, you don't start falling until you look down.

why are you here? where have you been?

how did you know i'd come looking for you?

you never asked what i was going through. you didn't want to know.

i didn't have the language for what was happening to me.

you were supposed to protect me.

there's a lot i don't remember. a lot i don't want to remember.

i wouldn't have looked for me, either.

we belong to ourselves now.

you know where i am, and i know where you are. maybe that's enough.

when i'm down, vigilante justice makes me feel better.

survival is provisional.

[azulasmommyissues]

ATLA sexuality headcanons, part 2, Roku's era:

due to the limited information regarding this era, i might just be spouting bullshit. but! it's mY bullshit.

roku

-bisexual, male lean

-he mainly dated men when he was younger because he was trash at talking to women, but after mastering the avatar state he actually started seeing women (because raava is a lesbian)

-he is the master of homoerotic friendships, i tell you. sozin? gyatso? sud? no heterosexual explanation for any of them

-with sozin, roku was oblivious as fuck. he loved him, but he could never pinpoint exactly how. there were many moments of unresolved sexual tension.

-he fell in love with ta-min because she's absolutely raava's type

-but literally wore sozin's crown until the end of hid life and keeps it in his spirit form despite everything??? roku, please.

sozin

-he is gay but he's also awful

-contrary to all I've written until now, these things CAN co-exist

-being the golden child, a direct azula parallel, and also obsessed with roku?

-the fire nation law allowing married couples to legally annul their married was drafted and ratified by firelord sozin at around 44BG on the eve of avatar roku's wedding

-and gay marriage was made illegal after roku died.

-and he banned dancing in his oldest bitterest years of being alive because roku liked dancing, “sozin, It's my wedding! have a cookie! dance with someone!” (he didn't)

-he basically proposed to roku with his crown bfr

-i imagine that he was the one to kill gyatso. personally.

zeisan

-absolute lesbian

-in the avatar universe the lesbian masterdoc is a philosophical text that she herself wrote

-SO sick of sozin's imperialist, fascist bullshit. girl same. be gay study philosophy.

-she canonically bore no romantic love for khandro and he bore no such feelings for her either. the marriage was strictly political and based on mutual respect.

-rioshon, on the other hand? the love of zeisan's LIFE fr fr

ta min

-you've got no idea how much I'm looking forward to getting to know her when roku's book comes out. she seems nice. the roku episode barely gives her any attention, though. she's definitely raava's type that's for sure-- not a coincidence roku wifed her up AFTER mastering the avatar state, raava had been WAITING

-the vibes are relatively heterosexual

-girl was BEEFING with sozin

-"may i borrow your husband for a moment" if i were ta min and that was my wedding day idc if he was the firelord he would have gotten his ass beat (/j) so she's definitely a better person than me

-I'm a big fun of the theory that each avatar has the face of their past life's true love and aang looks a LOT like her so i think her and roku are sweet

gyatso

-gay bitch

-i don't know i just genuinely can't imagine him with a woman,,

-he had feelings for roku which weren't reciprocated and a nice old homoerotic friendship. his difference with sozin is that he didn't commit genocide and he DIDN'T leave roku to die in a volcanic eruption

-he loved roku enough to settle for being his friend if it meant he'd be happy

-he would have protected aang with his life, he was like a son to him,,, and he reminded him so much of his best friend

-after gyatso caused so much damage to the fire nation troops, sozin came to kill him himself. and god was it personal.

sud

-bisexual

-another homoerotic roku friendship

-roku you slutty slutty old man

-sud was roku's bi awakening, in fact. obviously sozin was the first one he loved but he couldn't explain it or understand it back then. he was old enough when he met sud to figure it out.

-him snd roku had tea dates after training, come on now

-they were friends first and foremost, though, lifelong friends.

taqukaq

-bisexual but never realises. I have to imagine he's at least somewhat conservative since he's from the northern water tribe and all—at least at first.

-then again, he was very spiritual and soft-spoken since his childhood. he travelled the world as a diplomat and saw many different walks of life

-he was perhaps in love with his good friend nai, and that's why his betrayal shook him to his core and gave him such terrible trust issues

rioshon

-lesbian

-also asexual

-perhaps she also fought sozin during the comet.

-maybe it was more personal for her than it was for him.

-she mourns the life she could have had with zeisan, if only she'd spoken out. if only she'd been honest with her feelings. damn the consequences! sozin won anyways. they wasted their lives and their love for nothing.

khandro

-aromantic and asexual

-bro finds rioshon captivating and respects the grind

_____________________________________________

now... nyanchi, boin, ezra, zeebee, bo, chegu, ema, sherab, and norbu, etc, who all appear in avatar legends as regenerated characters—i actually don't know what to say about them. they barely feel like characters-and they're not really that connected to roku. i just want this era to get fleshed out like kyoshi's and yangchen's! like their novels were so good. I'm more excited to find out more about the past avatars than to get new avatars, honestly, but that might just be me.

[wanderingblindly]

just read your vampire landoscar and died it was amazing!! but i am so curious - does charles ever realize he was such a shit friend and apologize? does he even know what he did wrong? does oscar hate him so much if he ever does come around? max and oscar interaction/tensions??? the whole time i was so sad for lando cause charles is a horrible friend i was really glad he called his ass out!!

(fic link)

oh my goodness I've genuinely been rambling into a million people's DMs about all the nuances of this fic so THANK YOU FOR ASKING!!! One of your questions reminds me of a scene that got cut, so scroll to the bottom to check that out!

Obviously, you're more than entitled to imagine your own answer to these questions. If things are left unsaid,, it's not my place to tell you how to read into it. But in my brain:

Will Charles Ever Change?

Probably not.

Charles is a foil to Lando. He's entirely sure of what he wants, he knows how to get it, he's self-assured, and he's obsessed with power. Because he's compared to where Lando starts in the narrative (introspective, quiet, placating, etc.), it's pretty important that Charles doesn't have the self-awareness to recognize that he's a prick.

In my mind, the relationship completely died that night in the club, and Lando buried it in the café.

But could he grow later?

I think that Max and Charles's relationship is inherently doomed to be mutually destructive. I don't think that they're designed to bring out the best in each other (despite it being implied that they're soulmates -- I suppose soulmates don't always have to be for the better). Because they're so absorbed in each other, I don't think that Charles will ever gain the perspective to understand Lando completely. Meaning he probably won't come around to being a real friend.

What Does Oscar Think About Charles?

I've thought a lot about this, since it's implied that Oscar was definitely... watching... Lando lol. Oscar probably has an immense distrust of Charles, if not just for the fact that he radiates a level of danger that triggers most vampires’ basal instincts.

(if you didn't read Excess -- Charles is almost entirely covered in vampire bites, meaning he should trigger Oscar's fight or flight like no other.)

That said, I also think that Oscar has an understanding that Lando and Charles's relationship is more complex than he can pick apart from the outside. I get the feeling that he wants Lando to be with someone safer -- if not just because he loves him -- but that he'd respect any decision he makes on the matter.

Max and Oscar Vibes?

Max is the type of vampire that Oscar loathes. He's blood-drunk and confident in what he is; Max has embraced the life as a gift (barring sometimes missing human sensations), whereas Oscar views it as a curse. Their perspectives on their eternal life is so fundamentally incompatible that it's unlikely they'd ever get along.

Do I think they'd actually full on fight? No.

But I do think that Oscar would be so tense the entire time they interacted that he could crack his teeth.

Deleted (Incomplete) Scene:

Originally, after the confessional in Oscar's flat, I wanted to keep going. The next scene actually had to do with the state of Charles and Lando's relationship, where we learn that Lando hadn't heard from him -- and that he hadn't reached out, either. We get the impression that the relationship was completely dead, severed.

"I haven't talked to Charles since I told him to leave," Lando says mindlessly, sliding Oscar's cup in front of his usual seat. He grabs it and draws in a deep breath, the memories of caffeine doing little to alleviate the blue under his eyes. "D'you miss him?" Did he really know him well enough to? Lando shrugs. "Y'know how you kinda, like… miss something because it's over, not because you actually wanted it to keep going?" Oscar nods along, eyes fluttering closed – relaxed. "End of an era." "Era makes it sound like a good thing," Lando chuckles, tilting his head when Oscar raises a brow in silent question. "Nothing good about it then? At all?" In the daylight, they slowly peel apart each other's layers, step gently into the shadows they carry. Lando hasn't asked how much Oscar had gleaned about his and Charles's relationship, if he recognized him as a riptide feigning gentleness. The wounds felt too fresh, the mistakes too recent, and yet. "I'm…" He starts uncertainly. Oscar doesn't open his eyes, doesn't move – like waiting for Lando is easy. The years in Charles's orbit feel like a blur, like watching events that happened to someone else. They're a book with ink that fades with each page – starting bold in its desperation, ending weakly in its passive acceptance. "Not good enough to remember," Lando finally answers, and Oscar drops his brow. "I probably wouldn't have been better without him, I guess. Like, I would have ended up somewhere… different but similar, just with someone else. Might as well have been him, if it had to be someone." Need you more than anything else on earth. Because at least Charles sometimes put a word to that cold, lonely spot between Lando's ribs. Or maybe prodded at it like a contusion, dark and hideous and violent. But he saw it all the same. Shaking his head, clearing it away, Lando changes the subject. "What about you? Do you still talk to anyone from…" He trails off, lips frozen around the word: before. Opening his eyes and putting down his cup, Oscar stares down into it. Pensive. But he promised to try. Lando can see the weary determination in the pressed line of his pale lips – maybe the same wherewithal that keeps his fangs tucked safely out of sight. "I text my family, so they don't think anything's wrong." It leaves a lot unsaid. Lando let's the unspoken fill the time and space between them, resting his back against the counter. Until Oscar looks up at him, eyes finding his own like how Lando always imagined coming home should be – easy. "But everyone else, it's…" A sigh, agitated fingers combing through flat hair. "Complicated." He aims for reassuring. "I know," Oscar averts his gaze anyway. "I quit my job." It's that same tone, that same pinched anguish that evokes memories of tears he can no longer shed. "D'you miss it?" "It's all I ever wanted to be, I –" His throat cuts him off, painfully tight. Lando wonders, not for the first time, how beautiful his emotions would be with the flush of life. And he wonders, anew, if Oscar can feel the difference. Shaking, small: "They were so proud of me." Between beats of his bleeding heart, Lando wonders what that feels like. "You're still the same person though," Lando tries, stopping when Oscar buries his face in his hands, elbows propped up on the counter. "'m not." "You are –" Fiery enough to burn, even muffled through his hands: "Would you want a fucking monster to help you?" "Already did." Lando smiles like a gotcha, flashing his wrist for emphasis. Oscar must sense it, peeking between his fingers. "Almost like you're still you, huh?"

[messedupfan]

Taylor Sloane Draft (Might Not Continue)

A/n: Hello! I thought I'd share something from the drafts that I've kind of abandoned haha. So read at your own discretion that this is possibly all that you'll get from this story. But I am open to any and all ideas, so if you have one let me know in the comments, asks, or even my dms. Enjoy!

Taylor plays with the ring on her finger. She has just accepted a proposal from a man she didn’t love, but that was good for her image. She downs the rest of her champagne and makes a face. She didn’t enjoy the beverage at all, but it was an expensive bottle that he bought special for the occasion. Although it was a sham, he said it was still something to be celebrated. And he wasn’t wrong. Taylor Sloane was no longer going to just be known as a freelance photographer and social media influencer. She was going to be the fiancé of a respected actor who is at the height of his career. Which means that she is going to be getting a lot of attention once their publicists have the photos of their secret engagement “leaked” to the press. 

Looking out on the balcony of the restaurant, she can’t admire the view of the city much without being haunted by the memory of the first time she saw it. With you. It wasn’t at a fancy restaurant like this. No, back then the two of you could barely afford to splurge on McDonalds. It was after the first month of living in California. She was losing hope on ever getting an apprenticeship with a professional photographer. She hated the part-time job she had so she could help pay the bills. She was losing all hope of ever achieving her goals and chasing her dreams. 

 So, to cheer her up and help remind her where she is and of the endless possibilities, you grabbed her camera and drove her to the Hollywood sign. The two of you couldn’t actually get to the sign with security lurking around. But you could hike above it without getting into trouble. At the top of Mount Lee in the middle of the night, Taylor found inspiration again. You handed her the camera and she took a few different shots. She kissed you and thanked you well into the next morning. She truly loved you the best that she knew how. 

Taylor looks at the ring and scoffs. There was a time when she believed the only person to ever put a ring on her finger would be you. Now she was far from that ever happening today. It was rare for her to regret her decision. Until it came to moments like these that woke her up. That reminded her of what she lost on her way here. 

“I think this is going to be great,” Chris says as he joins her side. “Are you okay?” 

Taylor flashes a quick smile at him and moves her gaze back to the city. She knew you had to be living in one of the neighborhoods. But she couldn’t know for certain. The two of you lost touch a long time ago and she could never find you on social media. The mutual friends the two of you had together haven’t spoken to her in years because eventually Taylor blew them off as well. They were holding her back, is what she would tell herself anytime she missed any of them. Including you. “I’m going to be, just, this isn’t how I imagined my first marriage. Maybe second or third,” she quips. 

He laughs and looks down for a second, “I understand, and we still don’t have to go through with this. Y’know? It’s in the contract, we’re allowed to bow out at any point.”

“No, I’m not saying,” she turns her whole body towards him. “I’m okay. We’re going to make a great power couple for the next few years. And who knows, it might last longer than that,” she leans in to give him a kiss. He smiles against her lips. 

“I’m happy to hear that you want to make this work,” he kisses her back and brings her closer to him. “I never saw this for myself either but I think this will be the best decision of my career. Maybe even my life.” 

Taylor felt the exact opposite. She was already regretting this one so much. But she doesn’t show it. She hums as she kisses him again. She pats his chest and the two separate. 

After they go their separate ways for the night, Taylor goes driving around town. She doesn't really leave the house to explore anymore. Anytime she goes out it's only to promote a place that has paid her to be there. But tonight, for the first time in a long time, she doesn't want to do anything that will boost her image. That was well taken care of for now. 

“You really want to drive across the country?” You ask skeptically after Taylor presented her idea to you. Graduation was creeping closer and closer. The both of you hoped you would have access to more money by now. But life was too tempting and the “You only live once,” mentality wasn't financially beneficial. 

Taylor assumed she'd have access to her trust fund straight out of college but with the example she showcased to her parents in the past four years — not to mention how Nicky blew through his in a matter of months — the Sloane's only saw it fitting for Taylor to have to work a little harder for her money. She wasn't eligible for access until she was thirty-five. However, she could have it sooner if she got married and had a stable job. 

Taylor knows that you would have easily married her if she asked. But she didn't want that to be the story. Even if she never told you that was why. She would know and it would eat her alive because that's not what you deserved. 

Your parents gave you access to your money after you graduated high school. They thought you would be responsible with the money but with the spring break and summer vacation trips you paid for and the weekends spent in clubs, and the expensive dates and gifts that you would get for your girlfriend all started to add up and left you with barely enough to get you and Taylor something to rent in California. Not a nice place either. And there wasn't much left over to help the two of you get there. Not unless you drove across the country as Taylor has suggested.

“Come on, it could be an adventure,” Taylor boasts. 

You laugh because she was volunteering to sleep in the car packed with yours and hers belongings when she was known for refusing to sleep anywhere that wasn't a five star hotel. But you haven't seen her so willing to do something like this. “Okay, yeah, we could do it. As long as I’m not the only one driving.”

[lumosatnight]

5 Underrated Ships (+ recs)

All of these ship asks have been making me scroll through my fics list, and I've realized there are some ships that I just really vibe with but probably no one will ever ask me about. So, I'm forcing them on you instead! Mwuahaha. Here are 5 underrated ships with fics recs!!

-

1. Bellatrix/Molly (Mollytrix)

Canonically speaking, Molly and Bellatrix attended Hogwarts at the same time, most likely even in the same year. Just imagine Gryffindor!Molly striking up a friendship with Slytherin!Bellatrix. Now imagine that spanning years and years. Imagine Molly being devastated when she has to break things off because "Bella's been spending just a little too much time talking about joining a cult." Imagine years and years pass and Bellatrix sees Ginny on the battlefield. "She looks just like her, the one who left her, the one who abandoned her." Molly personally killing Bellatrix in the BOH seemed awfully personal, I'm just saying.

My ship rating: Mollywobbles Bellabobbles

My fic rec: The Melted Water Can Harden Again by ReasonPapers [M, 4.3k]

Bellatrix Black is distracted from her infatuation with her sister when her advanced studies couple her with a witch her equal-- Molly Prewett.

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2. Tom/Myrtle (Tyrtle)

This was brought up the other day in the HPFC server, and I was reminded how much I absolutely adore this pairing. Why did Myrtle have to die? Tom, especially at the age of 16, seemed particularly selective with his kills. I do not believe for a single second that Myrtle just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. I think they had history. Probably one-sided, probably very unhealthy, but I believe she was more than just a passing annoyance to Tom.

My ship rating: slow and steady wins the race

My fic rec: Snake Eyes by @diana-skye [M, 1.4k]

There’s a single moment, between yellow eyes and nothingness, where she remembers. [Or - What if Myrtle wasn't a random victim of Tom Riddle? What if he was someone she knew, even someone she loved?]

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3. Lucius/Arthur (Luthur)

The bookshop scene in CoS has too much tension for Lucius and Arthur not to have a complicated past. They got in a full-on brawl in the middle of the bookstore with both their families present. Look me in the face and tell me there isn't something else going on there. An unrequited love? A past hook-up? Lingering feelings? Something. Anything.

My ship rating: "Lucius," said Mr. Weasley, nodding coldly.

My fic rec: The Seduction of Arthur Weasley by Farbautidottir [M, 15.8]

After Lucius Malfoy goads Arthur Weasley into a brawl at Flourish and Blotts, both men find themselves stuck on their mutual memory of the night they spent together in 1967, before the Wizarding War began. But Lucius wants more than just a memory.

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4. Narcissa/Charity (Charcissa)

I'm actually a huge fan of Charity and a lot of characters (Charity/Severus, Charity/Draco, Charity/Hogwarts professor), but something about being trapped in the Malfoy's manor and strung up above the Malfoy's table makes Charity/Narcissa extra special. Narcissa being in her own home and having absolutely no power to stop Voldemort from staining her dining room table. Delicious angst.

My ship rating: let me in!!!!

My fic rec: charity begins at home by @leftsidedown [M, 200]

It ends there, at any rate. or: Narcissa has always been greedy.

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5. Luna/Theo (LoveNott)

I personally headcannon Luna and Theo as kind of the oddballs in their houses. Luna is a Ravenclaw, sure. She's witty and clever and smart (albeit not in the usual test-taking way), but she's also flighty and prone to delusion and weird (yes, she's super weird and we love her for that). We don't know much about Theo, but I picture him as quiet and nerdy and a little bit of a pushover. With such strong personalities, such as Draco and Pansy in your house, someone's gotta be the meek one. But he's also reluctant to follow someone blindly. He's reluctant to dedicate himself to a cause that he really doesn't know that much about. I love the idea of Luna and Theo getting into ethical debates. Luna shows more care to magical creatures than Theo has seen Death Eaters show to fellow wizards. Luna is weird and wild and unpredictable, which is the complete opposite of what Theo has always known, and he likes it.

My ship rating: I'm not Nott in love

My fic rec: littler dazzler, little song by @vesperics [T, 3.6k]

His mouth tastes like vinegar and his skull is nearly vibrating with pain and Luna Lovegood is sitting beside him like some sort of strange guardian, flower-bound headband and bare feet and all.

-

Tagging cuz I'm interested but also you definitely don't need to provide recs: @bleepbloopbotz, @schmem14, @indigo-scarf, @naurcissamilfoy, @siriusly-sapphic, @peachpety

[hollownoire]

Instead of ghosting people when I get nervous I really could just be forward with them. I really don't know why I feel like I can't just be honest. Yeah, I really just want to be comforted and spoken to. I can admit I'm a fragile person without fearing people will never interact simply because sometimes I just need a little affirming, which is just what you would already do with a friend. I've really built up this idea of like...proper...friendship, using experiences that were not so, and I'm only now really realizing that. Maybe I just need more friends. Maybe I don't talk to people enough, of course I get stupid anxious speaking with people, I don't have the practice. I haven't gotten used to the idea of normality, of not needing to conform to make someone like me, what I thought was an ideal was just...normal. The answer always doubles back to needing an olive branch from others, but the question is how do I ask? I want to say the answer is obvious, just ask, cause it is that simple, but just because it's simple doesn't mean it's easy. I want to be reminded to take care of myself more often. Just...cared for generally. I want to know someone wants to be my friend, even if it's some amount of effort. To know I'm in someone's thoughts, in absence of my presence, and to make those thoughts real and lived by reaching out to me and showing me I can be close to people again. That it doesn't need to be scary. That I'm not above having a group of friends that knows me, truly knows me, issues and all, and still loves me for it. I want my weirdness to be a part of my value, a part of my worth, as my life, as my daily, and finally feel safe in a space with people I don't have to worry about misinterpreting my distance for something else. To be close enough to someone that they know I just need a bit of love and kindness. Attention. That I'd talk with anyone for hours if they reached out to me, that I'd answer every and any question asked of me because I want to be known and heard. I've made an unapproachable monster of an image of myself in my head, one bereft of my gender, of my needs or wants or boundaries, and the only real way to show myself I'm not what I think I am is through repetition and living as the person I am and not who I fear myself to be. Skulking alone, reinforcing this idea of unapproachability and inability to bond with others or make lasting connections just makes a feedback loop of...garbage! No wonder I'm only really now feeling like a girl 5 years into my transition, I don't talk to people enough to hear my pronouns be used often. Hear my name. Just be treated like a sweet girl, I don't know. Really want my needs being met to be normal, and be something that people want to do because I matter to them. When people make note of something, and go out of their way to remember it, I notice. I also notice when people say they'll do something for me and they don't. Imagine my surprise when someone both notices me and casually gives me something I desperately need. A small, innocent, everyday suggestion. A stranger tells me to keep making art, saying please, even. "Please keep going." Mutuals who interacts with me, talk to me, and cares enough to...show me they care. That they know I'm an actual person. People who want to see what I'll do, what I'll make. What I have made. What I've shared. The clean, the messy, the embarassingly authentic, cringey... I don't know. I originally had a point to all of this, some neat way to tie my thoughts up into a bow to be presentable to people on this blog or to my mutuals, but I'm starting to believe I don't really need to do that, do I? It might be presumptuous, but I feel like I know a few people, maybe more, who've actually cared enough to read through my sloppy, nonsensical rambling, that will have read all of this, somehow. You didn't have to, but you did. You did, and...it means a lot. A lot, a lot. I'm a stranger to kindness, but...uh...you're...making it more familiar, I suppose. My dms are open, everyone. I always need more friends, if you wanna talk.

[aqqleshiqqing-archive]

Hi, Jil!! Just popping in because of your tags on my fic asdfghjkl

I did write "this one is for my Pokémon mutuals" with the thought "specifically Jil" in parentheses in my head--you're like ... my main Pokémon mutual. Gotta share some breadcrumbs of Aria/Eusine with THE Pokémon mutual, of course.

Also Eusine is a fairly arrogant character--he's very proud of his knowledge of myths (oh no ... a man who likes history ... and me having a history degree ... how could I resist ... /lh) and does tend to dismiss others when they try to correct him. He's not as dismissive of Aria or Morty, though, because ... *childhood friends beam.* Also maybe he likes Aria that way, so he's a bit easier on her, who knows--

Anyway, I had the misfortune of seeing the only (?) Johto anime episode with him as a kid, and little 9-year-old Sarah really though, "Man. This guy's a jerk." Little did she know she'd fall for that jerk years later. We don't talk about that--

The loss of the shiny Pidgey exists because I was training Ollie (my Chikorita/Bayleef/Meganium) in HG the other day, encountered a shiny Pidgey, and realized I didn't have any more Poké Balls--massive loss. But also a win because ship lore. And also the second time I've run into a shiny Pidgey while playing a Johto game ... maybe someday I'll actually catch the thing.

ANYWAY. I always felt Suicune would prefer Aria over Eusine (similar to the way the plot unfolds in the games, with Eusine eventually ceding the right to catch Suicune to the player), and while she would like to catch it, she's not as ... let's say ... passionate about it as Eusine is. Hence why Suicune tends to respond to her.

... she does think him chasing after Suicune all the time cute, though. It's very subtle, but she would've been mega embarrassed to fail that Pidgey in front of him--because, while it's not stated directly, she's imagining a scene where she failed at her life goal in front of her crush. It's not like Eusine doesn't do that on a regular basis, but that only makes it worse for Aria asdfghjkl

I also liked writing the subtle “… you were talking to Suicune about me?” followed by Aria immediately changing the subject--and then her adjusting his bow tie later. Subtle things get me all the time--

Anyway, uh--Morty, huh? 👀 /lh

(And sorry for the essay--I just. Have a lot to say and like to respond to tags through asks, sometimes asdfghjkl)

~ heart-of-aspiration 📖

HI SARAHH!! - oh man the fact you had me in particular to share the aria/eusine ship makes me SO honored ("THE pokemon mutual", that made me audibly giggle) and i'm honestly here for it, and you can tell i can definitely like - have the capacity to take batch after batch of hardcore pokemon ship/self insert lore (and be equally as talkative and lengthy about it...) so naturally i'd immediately gravitate here, and it's characters belonging to gen 2 which i'm incredibly biased to.... AHFJSHFGAS

i should've expected this from eusine - it would seem that he doesn't seem too dissimilar to his manga counterpart (which is radiating the same vibes as how you written him, he's definitely arrogant but kind enough to help) i actually should share some panels of him maybe! i'll admit that he was really hilarious for being lowkey petty due to a certain circumstance in the manga, but moving on!

i respect that his attitude is toned down towards aria and morty, they're totally good friends and morty doesn't seem like someone who'd engage in fights quickly - he's super relaxed and wise...

the whole pidgey story got me WAHUSHASHDAF THAT'S SUCH A MISSED OPPORTUNITYYY but that moment was enough to be a realistic incident for aria and i LOVE it. i hope you can actually catch that shiny birdie!!

i can totally imagine a scenario where she notices eusine on his failed attempts to catch suicune and he probably curses to himself (assuming he's alone) and aria would just quietly laugh, reminding herself how much she adores him and how cute he is for that - i swear i know a dynamic where they had a similar vibe to this but i can't seem to point out who or what -- but my point is, i love that dynamic so much. it doesn't feel TOO much like a rivalry but it's enough to at least poke fun at each other's professions + their little romance heheh ITS JUSTTT. YEAHHH!!!

let's not talk about morty /lh /pos the headband makes him look so cute combined with his relaxed personality and i'm on a hunt for a misdreavus and to name it after him as we speak WAHUSDHAUFS (IT'S NOT SUCCESSFUL HOWEVER BUT I'M GETTING THERE) let's just say he's one of the early crushes i have - not too active but i... would like to hold his hand HWAJHSDJAHJFDSAF. if he ever resurfaces im running to you immediately /pos /lh

[dnangelic]

She hadn't really seen him for a while. A long while, at least for her. Tatsuki had decided to use her time off to visit Daisuke, with the Time Lock deciding it would just... unceremoniously drop her into the ocean again. That was fun (not).

Well, once she was dry and not all waterlogged, she would stuff the Time Lock in her pocket and head towards where she knew Daisuke lived-- at least, she hoped he still lived there. She didn't know how much time would've passed for him.

Maybe some, maybe none at all.

Maybe they'd just said goodbye and now, to him, she was already back. She wouldn't know until she found him. Which, thankfully, she was able to not too long after she started looking for him.

"DAAAAIIIIIIISUUUUKEEEEEEE!!!!" Tatsuki called, immediately running for him. The moment she was close enough, she would hug him like it'd been ages since she'd seen him. Which, for her, it had been.

"It's me, Tatsuki!" A stark difference from the girl she was before, it seemed. "It's been a long time, I hope you've been doing well! I had some time off from school and work, so I figured I'd drop in, see how you and your family were doing and spend some time here... if that's alright?"

And a pause for a moment before she smiled wider and shook her head some. "And a mutual associate of ours says 'hey'! If you get my meaning, that is. I've got so much to tell you! ...Aaah, this must be confusing, sorry. A lot has happened between when I left to now, I just got a little excited...."

@infatuua

huh ? who ? ' wha --- ?! ' no way , was that really --- ' t-tatsuki ?! ' his eyes go wide and his jaw drops in an instant . was that really her ?! it was , wasn't it ? the tatsuki that he had spent time with had always been a little anxious and unsteady in her actions , but the eager , energetic girl that had suddenly embraced and was now standing in front of him was someone he could hardly recognize at first .

--- still , after all this time , maybe that was a good thing ?

memory was imperfect , nothing more than a snapshot of things as someone either understood or imagined them . when tatsuki had first been sent off and away back to her own life and proper time period , in truth he had been more than just a little worried ... but he had wanted to believe in her . time had slowly passed on for him as usual in the meanwhile , his person finding ways to adjust .

likewise , bitter-sweetly , the space she occupied in his thoughts closed by just a little , until the occasional reminder or reminiscence struck him , and he tried to linger in the warm center of a separated nostalgia rather than any cold , wintry edge . day after day he still went to school . he fret , laughed , and cried . he stole , and kept it a secret . he had all sorts of adventures of his own .

until here she was again , older and wiser like the sort of respectable adult that he was still hoping ; dreaming he could grow up into . ' um , no --- w-well , i mean , i'll admit i'm a little surprised since i didn't expect it , but --- ! ' he nervously smiles and sputters , fumbling for words with his gaze cast towards the ground , the same as ever ...

at least until his stare pulls upwards , and his shoulders ease a little with a small laugh . ' but --- you look well , tatsuki-san . really well . ' his expression lightens . with bliss and with innocence , his gentle , warm welcome no doubt familiar in its own way . ' i was thinking about you all the time , so i'm really relieved ... ! ' it's the truth . his own confession . ' you don't even have to ask , mom and dad and everyone else always really liked you ... ! '

actually , he wouldn't have been surprised if everyone was staking out and eavesdropping on a scene like this at this very moment , if not rushing back to the mansion to prepare party poppers and some kind of celebratory feast . not that daisuke himself would have complained . although the flush on his cheeks remains a deep , loitering red , the bright shimmer in each of his eyes seems to only grow the instant he hears of said 'mutual associate's' hey .

( yo --- ! )

' ... ha , yeah . i get it . ' it's only now that he's brave enough to step forward and set his arms around her in his own embrace . he clutches her tightly ; shuts his eyes against the sensation as his heart pounds , but unlike sometimes , worse times , it didn't seem to hurt . it didn't seem to hurt at all , dark practically glowing with both fondness and a deep pride --- but of course . anyone would feel proud knowing their faith wasn't failed in the future .

' thanks for dropping by , tatsuki . if you've got a lot to say , then we'd better hear it , right ? don't worry , we've got all day . more importantly , it's good to see you again , and --- '

' --- you know . '

' welcome back . '

[newlyweebz]

Okay, I read killing stalking on and off while it was coming out bc it was so crazy for me. One bc I always see myself in characters I read, so it was hard to see them struggling, and two, I don't do well with gore or abuse. It took me until now to actually finish it all the way through in one go, beginning to end, and now that I've read it all, I'm in shambles. Therefore, for my own comfort, I'm gonna talk about it.

Spoilers, if you didn't already know, now ya know.

Sangwoo is heterosexual but is in love with Yoonbum. These statements aren't mutually exclusive, but it just fucks with me bc obviously we know that Sangwoo likes Yoonbum bc he reminds him of his mother but that just means he's attracted to Yoonbum bc of his feminine features and that doesn't sit right with me. I want to believe that Sangwoo saw Yoonbum for who he is and started to love him but whenever I think about how he's only able to have sex with Yoonbum bc he's imagining his mom I throw up.

Let's not forget the moment we were all waiting for, but hoping wouldn't happen, Sangwoo calling Yoonbum mom! Heartbreaking, yes, but his own reaction was even more heartbreaking. And boy, the parallels of how he imagined Yoonbum telling his childhood friend about it and them calling him disgusting when Yoonbum had been called that all his life, crazy. He even let the childhood friend leave the house without a scratch bc he was so messed up by his own actions smh when the serial killer becomes messy it shows how human they are, w h a c k.

Yoooo, that old lady at the end was so out of pocket. Where did she come from? How did she get in his room so easily?? I just don't like that it was a complete stranger. If I were Yoonbum, I would've strangled her(am i overreacting?). She had to be symbolism for something right bc I couldn't figure it out and it's fucking with me.

I had to keep reminding myself that it's not a love story. I wanted it so badly to be, but it isn't. Maybe to some it is, and that's fine, but you can't deny the toxicity of it all. But damn does it make you feel warm inside whenever there were false hope that maybe, just maybe, they could work it out and be better...

[mihai-florescu]

Okay I did post the au in 3 different parts and had a tag for it but I forgot it so I'm just gonna screenshot my notes app instead

Ummm a basic summary is that a random selection of the enstars cast get affected by this weird disease or something and it causes them to try to inflict suffering on themselves and everyone else as much as possible. In my dream the only character that was focused on regarding who had it was niki so I had to think of who else would get it. You can get the disease through your insecurities consuming you to a point it makes you sensitive to the disease.

An interesting part of the dream was that Sora's synesthesia was able to tell who had it because their colour would be horrifying no matter how well they acted (except one guy. uhh). When everyone finds out about the disease everyone tries to help as much as possible. Natsume and Sora try to find a cure (Tsumugi was one of the first affected and that's how they found it). Because of that Tsumugi's just kinda their test dummy to find out about the disease.

Ummm I thought of a good/bad ending. It's very black and white it's just everyone's fine or everyone's affected. I've only thought about the good + bad ending for crazy:b so don't ask about the others. If you wanna add to this you're more than welcome actually.

Also shoutout to my mutual @.mutsuowo for helping me with it. Mainly the stuff with knights I know shockingly little about knights

The sickness reminds me of akumatization in miraculous ladybug, i think it's an interesting premise to push people to their limits in crisis. But for worldbuilding purposes, at what point in the timeline did you envision this AU happening? Im asking because im not sure if nazuna being insecure about his leadership skills really fits in current ES2 where he hasnt been the leader of ra*bits in a year. But if the AU happens in like. Spring-summer of ES1 it could add another point of tension. Thinking about this illness being a direct result of the war, even. Maybe.

Im not entirely sold on wataru having it though. You said eichi would be the only one who kind of knows, and to me in that case he would leave no stone unturned to try to help wataru heal. Which would lead to him having to work directly with natsume for a cure... im quite interested in this part. Especially if tsumugi is patient 0 they're testing remedies on. How far would eichi go experimenting? The arguments with natsume that would ensue? Much to think about here...

I like that chiaki gets it and kanata helps make him human again... reverse meteor impact. Also i imagine madara tries to hide it and doesnt tell anyone, espeeecially not kanata. But i want kanata to find out that madara was affected too and to try to help (but also for him to remember how he cant actually heal anyone, he's not a god, do you think he forgot how his first failed miracle was madara's own sister?). Im not sold on madara's insecurity that makes him sick being just. His loneliness. It seems too shallow for how much is actually wrong with this guy, the loneliness is more of a cure he finds for himself to not let others know he is sick more than the symptom itself.

As for knights hmmm depending on when the AU is set i could see tsukasa also getting it. Leo and tsukasa both, and they end up helping each other as well. The description of sick izumi in your notes is just regular ES1 izumi...funny.

[annika-thelostlove]

June update - return of the little freak

I'm so sorry I haven't posted what I promised weeks ago, I've had a really busy few weeks.

As an update, though, i have these interesting feelings lately that I haven't explored before. So I confessed my feelings for someone close to me a few weeks ago, and I was really relieved. He kindly rejected me, but he's such a great friend and was caring and honest with me about it all. I was grateful for that.

But in the last few weeks, I've been free from imagining myself tied to him with my emotions. Since then, I've been micro analyzing how i feel, and now I've noticed every person in my life that might be a romantic option has started to appear alongside some unique emotions. With each one I keep testing, whether I would ever feel the same as I did with him.

To get down to my point,

So there's this guy I've known for a few years now, just a mutual friend. Yeaaars ago we meet, he was socially awkward right from the start. My sister is on the spectrum, so I could tell early on that he's neurodivergent. It was probably unfair of me to avoid him when all he's ever done was strike up (sorta intense) conversations with me. I just really didn't want him to think too much about me, I used to be more anxious than I am now.

He is attractive in his own way, pretty tall, he says hes 6'3, blonde, grey eyes, his face is kind of like an old man and a baby at the same time, he brushes his hair back always really neat (and actually has a nice butt) reminds me alot of Paul Dano's Edward Nashton if he had no homicidal tendencies.

I bumped into him again today. It's been over 2 years since we interacted. He came over to the group of ppl I was with, and I said hello and called him by his name when I saw him. He looked quite surprised with that.

I don't know, but I think that I realized that I didn't even know the reason why I avoided him. Here online, I admire fringe characters so much, empathize with them, and wish I had great connections with them. But here is a person in real life that im acting adverse to. A genuinely nice person who simply just struggles with connecting people a bit more than normal. Why was I doing that?

I stopped being friends with someone who was very judgemental just a few years ago, and I think it helped me make personal progress since then. In some way from that friendship, I was made to feel ashamed if I felt attracted to him or someone like him. Now I've grown to see that that friend was manipulative even if she didn't intend to be.

What I'm saying is that I think im okay with it now, to have a crush on that little freak. ☺️💕

[leam1983]

Intimacy

We had our previously-mentioned Gay friends over for dinner and, once again, booze lightened discussion topics all the way down to this lovable, if nosy pair questioning why Walt, Sarah and I weren't more forward with each other.

Sarah tried to go for diplomacy. "I think there's something more fulfilling in treating one another as something like a totality, if that makes sense. We're lovers, sure, but we're also coworkers, friends, best friends - and also mutual points of reference. Actual affection feels like the icing on the cake for me, when there's so many other ways these two guys show me love on the daily."

Walt was his usual sensual and Epicurean self. "Love needs to cook. It needs to simmer, I've found. Good on you guys if you can just go at it from the moment the alarm clock rings, but I need comfort, gratitude and love to sort of rise up to the top of the day's worth of boiling emotions. Everything gets tossed in the pot, to make that work: daily successes and failures, frustrations, annoyances, particular points of attraction..."

Our friends are of Montreal's more libertine Gay circle, comparatively. They're a couple, but they're not exclusive; and they act as though the L word could only ever refer to lust. That's a fissure that's particularly observable if you really pay attention to your local scene's LGBTQA contingent and have some friends in the community. Some of us are lovers, some of us are cuddlers - and some of us act like the eighties never ended and their local Red Light district is an open parade of flesh to consume. Crucially, we're like any other social group in that we don't always understand one another's minutiae. We can respect them, but we don't have to live them.

And, here comes my turn. I sigh and buy some time by going for a bite of Walt's apple crumble.

"Straights have a certain idea of the Gay Couple," I start. "They're fit, decently moneyed, always well dressed - and the experiential value of their existence stands in for other things Straights might recognize, like having kids or investing in a house in the suburbs. That Archetypal Gay Couple prefers to invest in luxury brands, frequent trips, maybe the occasional shot at simulated parenthood with a dog or a cat - and they wear their contentment on their sleeves. They sometimes wonder why people don't just re-jigger their finanaces on a whim - if they were able to tell their bosses to fuck off and then fly to Portofino for two weeks, then surely the Straights can too, right?"

I raise a finger. "You'll tell me this is all wrong, but I'll remind you guys you're up to your third condo renovation in fifteen years. You call yourselves a couple and then brag about finding twinks on Grindr that you then bring home and fingerquotes-added service, to use them as part of threesomes or foursomes..."

They're tense, and I can tell. They're expecting me to get judgey, and I let them stew in it for a few seconds while I drink some soda.

"Some people are happy calling casual sex within and without a consensual structure a form of love, just like some Mormon couples would do exactly what you do, just wrapped in extra layers of justification designed to appease leftover Catholic morals. I've never called Sarah a bitch to work her up, I've never called Walt a fat fuck or whatever else it is you're probably imagining, and the idea of doing what you do with the people I love rubs me the wrong way."

I shrug. "We like to think of ourselves as a big, unified movement standing up against bigotry and general misunderstanding, but the fact is we just cannot consistently understand each other - just like how I can't understand how you two are so insistent we explore your kinks, honestly."

The silence that follows is understandably heavy, but I feel Sarah's hand grip mine. Walt feels obligated to keep his hands in view, so he eventually hooks a foot against one of mine.

Let's call the older one in the couple Peter. The younger one is Bruce. Peter's the first to break out of the malaise I've instigated and nods pointedly. "Oh no, I get it - asserting boundaries makes complete sense, Grem. I'm sorry if we gave you the wrong impression; we probably lost touch with the less-demonstrative crowd from down the street, if you understand."

As Montreal has its drag kings and queens, its out-and-about Queers that aren't shy about turning their sexuality into a sizable chunk of their public image - and then there's Walt, Sarah and I, and people like us. The "stealthy LGBTQA", if you will - those of us who are indeed out to their friends and loved ones, but who chose to internalize their sexuality. I have my Bi and Pride pins, for instance, but I won't put them anytime outside of Pride season. I don't dress in the Bi flag's colors and I'd say it doesn't define the entirety of my identity. It's a good chunk of it, but it's not everything that makes up moi.

Cross me on the street and you won't peg me for a bi man. You won't peg Walt for a gay man on sight, and you won't peg Sarah for a straight woman. You'd have to get to know us to figure it out, in the absence of this blog as a handy reference point.

Bruce speaks up and things clear up instantly. "I just think it might be nice to, y'know..."

The polycule shares a glance. Peter looks remorseful while Bruce looks wounded and hopeful. I've never spotted his signs of infatuation, and I wonder if there are any. They're casual, as I've mentioned, so I have to wonder if this isn't some good old lecherous curiosity. Unfortunately, any hope I would've had to see Bruce being willing to commit to taking things at our speed is obliterated by his next sentence.

"Can I be honest? I just really wanna rail you, Grem."

Brought up like this, in that context - no. That is absolutely not my wheelhouse. I try not to get too icy seeing as this is Bruce making an effort at "friendliness" at the tail-end of an awkward conversation he and his beau initiated, but I think I can be excused if I'm a bit rigid, in-context.

"Not interested, sorry," I flatly reply.

Expectedly enough, Bruce and Peter leave quickly after accepting one token coffee cup. With boundaries having been set, I made an effort to warm things up by discussing our business plans. Peter seemed to take to this like a raft in the ocean, and was more than glad to see us take further steps to leaving the Other Place behind. That allowed us to close the door on them in an at least cordial manner, thank God.

Once they'd left, however, Walter glowers at the door. "What are we supposed to do; plaster a sign out in front that might say We've got a good thing going and aren't a Sainte-Catherine Street flophouse, thank you?!"

Sarah shrugs as she picks up the dishes. "It takes all kinds, Walt. Gay, Bi, Straight, whatever - some people are into building something that's long-lasting and others just want to feel something. It's not just in the Gay circle; you've heard Grem talk about his sad little attempt to visit a strip club after graduating."

I scoff and shake my head. "Some of these dancers were Postgrad students of their own. Some patrons were there to ogle at a respectable distance, others just really wanted sex. These were Straight people, Walt."

I pause to start scrubbing a plate in the sink. "Technically, I've never actually wanted to have sex with either of you, if I'm honest. What I've always wanted was to have someone to love, and to be loved."

That gets Walt to stop and give me a long and thoughtful look. After a few seconds, there's a smile underneath his mustache.

"I never thought of us in these terms before. I approve, honestly."

Sarah, of course, has to deliberately dull that moment of attempted emotional and perceptual depth with a joke.

"Bruce's idea of casual sex is weird, anyway. A little fellatio while the S.O's cutting veggies for supper, a little early-evening anal for cardio, one or two good pumps in the shower, followed by his attempt at Tantric sex, which probably stops at frenzied frottage while mumbling om mani padme om."

Sarah keeps building on this, to the point where we're left cackling and have a hard time being efficient with what's left in the sink.

[lestweforget5]

Hey! For the ask you just put up. Don’t know how correct these are but..

Millie had a late growth spurt as a teenager.

When Millie was younger, if she was out on the farm with Arch and later Cleatus, if she fell asleep anywhere they would pick her up and give her a piggy back instead of waking her up.

Either loves horses or they have a mutually avoidant relationship. Nothing in between.

Millie and Kenny have their special icecream birthday tradition when Kenny gets back and Millie overindulges to the point of feeling ill. One of the first times Millie gets excitement/enjoyment from food, rather than just calories/protein.

All the former POWs relationship with food has changed. Even years later John will have to remind Millie to eat and Millie makes sure that John doesn’t prioritise others eating before himself.

One of the first (and only times) Millie gets properly drunk is at Hambones birthday at either late 1945 or 1946.

Army helped her develop a better poker face (which she is thankful for whenever an officer says something stupid)

Hello, Nonnie! Thank you for the ask!

EDIT: Adding a cut for length.

Millie had a late growth spurt as a teenager: Maybe??? I'll have to think about it. I haven't done a ton of pre-war worldbuilding in my head, especially background details like that, as interesting as it is, aside from her utter non-interest in boys and the dog attack. Your idea is very interesting. Millie already feels a bit short next to Kenny, Cleatus, Brady, Curt and Dickie, etc. Now to imagine her having been even shorter late in her teenage years is a little 😆. (When growth spurts hit and what part of us grows can be so random. As a teenager, I had to catch up with my feet!!)

Arch/Cleatus would carry Millie around on the farm when she was young if she fell asleep: I'm making this true and canon because it brings a smile to my face and makes me go 🥺🥺. If she was asleep, it would be hard to carry her piggy-back style, but her uncle would definitely carry her back to the house, maybe tuck her on the couch until dinner. Cleatus is only a few years older than her, so she'd probably have had to be a small kid to make that work. It reminds me of a heartwarming video of two siblings I saw once on social media where big brother carries little sister, who's not that much smaller than him, over a little stream-let.

Horses: Maybe??? I've actually been batting around the idea of where the Lemmons have a mule or two, instead of horse(s). For possible reasons why, see here, for example.

Millie and Kenny's birthday tradition: This one, I'd have to say no to. Following her repatriation to America, Millie has a lot of issues centering around food and simply eating enough of it to put back on the weight she lost in the hospital/camps. (We've seen a little of this in the penultimate chapter of Sunward I've Climbed during Millie's late-night talk with her uncle, and we'll see more of this in future stories.) And if you haven't eaten as much sugar for a while, what you used to eat normally can seem sickly sweet, so she would be more likely to have trouble finishing her half of the ice-cream soda.

Relationship with Food: Very true, sadly. Your ideas would especially be relevant to maybe the first five years or so after the war and then maybe the bad days/weeks afterwards. Winter would be especially triggering. Some foods also could be quite triggering and require John more than usual to remind Millie to eat. (As she notes in an upcoming story, his "Don't think, just eat" is much more effective when he's telling it to her than when she's telling it to herself.) For example, Millie can't stand fried potatoes, which are common in Arkansas, following her return to America because of how great a proportion of their German rations potatoes were. Marmalade, prevalent in the German rations and in Red Cross parcels, could be another trigger. Corned beef could be another, especially because of its more pungent smell (from my experience) and how smells can be major PTSD triggers.

Millie and drink: This I also have to say no to. I actually doubt whether Millie would ever touch an intoxicating drink after the war. If she did at all, it would probably be nothing more than taking a sip of what John was drinking. She would have seen some of her fellow female airmen come back tipsy or drunk at Thorpe Abbotts, and after what happened in Germany, some of what happens to you physiologically when you're tipsy/drunk or what you can do when you're tipsy/drunk would make her feel very vulnerable, not that Brady would EVER hurt her or let anyone hurt her, but I still think she might very well avoid alcohol.

Millie's poker face: Very, very true. Developing a poker face is good for when officers are being stupid and when enlisted or officers are being misogynistic toward the female airmen. At least, her rank allows her to smack many of the enlisted back down to size.

[itsjaywalkers]

hello laurie<3 insane commute nonnie here (i giggle over the nonnie everytime btw. its soo CUTE)

i saw the 'reg/james/benjy threesome in nothing happens' ask n i agree that james would not be having it (bc like its bad enough that regulus is having sex w ppl but like. in fRont of him??? he'd go Insane) but also i cannot stop giggling imagining it does happen n the whole time its just jegulus fucking n benjy just standing there like🧍‍♂️. like he's trying soo hard to be involved but james keeps pushing him out n reg doesn't even care bc james is literally fucking him.

anyway will be giggling abt this today. i stayed over at one of my friends bc his roommate was out n we were out till late last night so no long commute AND he made me breakfast

also how have you been? i giggle n twirl my hair everytime you post you're literally so funny😭 n i just saw another one of your jeggy series im starting it omw home today!! i think you've posted abt it here before (oby? i cant go back to check bc i'll have to write this again) but i thought it was a wip or something but omg its not!! im so excited to start it aah

hope you have a fantastic day<33

AAAAA HI BABE <333

no bc if it happened it would go exactly like that . james and reg would be focusing on each other while benjy does his best to join them or just remind them of his presence and james would push him away every single time without stopping kissing reg for a moment. they're fucking, absolutely going at it and benjy is just . lying right next to them and sadly jerking off (bc let's be honest despite the rejection watching those two have sex IS hot). lamest threesome known to mankind fr

THAT SOUNDS LOVELY so happy for u babe i hope u had lots of fun and also kinda jealous i wish my flatmate aka my best friend would make me breakfast.. (she does cook for me quite often so i can't complain really . but not breakfast never breakfast </3). AND NO INSANE COMMUTE WOOHOO good for u, u definitely need a break

i've been . exhausted and quite stressed, but mostly fine apart from that. it's just . work and adult like yk? but nothing bad's really going on !! and it's so wild to me that u actually think i'm funny bc i don't believe i am (at least not in english). but i also love getting asks from u so <3 u enjoying seeing me on the dash is kinda mutual <3 AND OMG I GET SO NERVOUS WHENEVER SOMEONE READS OBY BC IT'S . QUITE FILTHY . AND A VERY DIFFERENT VIBE FROM NOTHING HAPPENS but i hope you like it and that you'll tell me what u think once ur done!!

and oby IS technically a wip considering i'm gonna be adding a few more parts but the story is not connected in the same way as nothing happens so . i get what u mean hehe

hope u also have the best day babe ur the sweetest MWAH <333

[hereintheinbetween]

Okay first of all, get out my damn head. I literally JUST reblogged something joking about how if I ran into him in Mexico he couldn't get rid of me. Very next post I see? Boom. Running into him in Mexico. What are the odds?? Lol

Besides me being told shy to dance on public this is like my dream scenario. I was just in Mexico in December and I've been itching to go back since. I have 3 other trips to plan for and likely won't be able to afford it til 2024

SO. I've been imagining scenarios like this instead. Thanks for supporting my delusions. Now on to actual comments lol

I lied this is still technically about me. My last day in Mexico I went on a tour from hell. I couldn't even enjoy the island it was so bad. I'm not a party person, but going to somewhere with drinks and music sounds like a much better vacation ending

My resort had this really amazing tour person who was actually telling us about somewhere like this that's hip hop based. I'm hoping next trip I'll get to go. I'd love to just drink and people watch. Seeing other people dance makes me oddly happy

I wish I could dance to batcha but where I'm at is too white for classes so nope. I felt this. Being surrounded by couples can definitely remind you how single you are. It's weird. You're happy seeing how cute they are, but sad you don't have that. It like sparks a special kind of loneliness. It's like your being relieved to be reminded love exists, while also longing for it.

I too would likely be stunned into silence if Tenoch approached me. Like I joke about wanting to tackle him but if he was suddenly I front of me out the blue? I'd probably freeze and admire his beauty.

Again, I'd have the same reaction. Once I had a moment to compose myself id force myself into action against my nerves. Shyness be damned.

All I can thing of is those recent videos of him dancing at an event I can't even think of the name of right now (was it something to do with Sundance?). He legit is an enthusiastic dancer. You can see how filled with joy he is. I also feel like he legit would be looking for someone to dance with in this kind of situation . Ive seen videos where fans said they just asked him to dance and he said yes. Then you can see him just giving the dance his all. It's adorable

"The dancefloor is more beautiful with you in it" SMOOOOOOOTH. The way I'd be taking his hand and leading his fine ass to an especially dark corner. Ugh. We'd switch from salsa/batcha/some other sensual cultural dance to bump and grind real quick. I'd have to go full Jamaican and start throwing ass like it's carnival. Especially if I've been drinking. I'd have absolutely NO Shame. Do you hear me??None.

Attention from the right person really can do wonders. Yes you should have self love. No you shouldn't let male attention determine your self worth. But being reminded your attractive is important damn it. Everyone wants to feel desirable. Feeling mutual attraction from someone can be a confidence boost in of itself. Like wait, your sexy AF.... And you think IM sexy? Sheeeeeeeit lol

I can literally just imagine Tenochs voice going 'NO fucking way. IM buying". Ah yes . A gentleman. A very cheeky and slightly bribing gentleman.

This also makes me remember I'm fat because of a guy said this I'd instantly be putting in a food order. After all, it'll take time to make right? We can dance a few more songs til then . I mean you want me to keep dancing with you right? Well I need to replenish all these calories were burning - and no, tequila does not count.

I wonder how much him not needing security is actually true on Mexico. The celeb culture is different (things get weird af in LA). But the movie has already gotten murals and what not. I've seen pics of him w/the staff of restaurants/stores. I wonder if he had guards that just weren't pictures. I feel like he could be more anonymous within reason but also that people would just respect his privacy more. ( I'm also remembering people saying they saw him in stores and hesitates to approach him but he was always nice when they did). I hope he gets to keep some amount of that. Dame is exhausting. If he's going to get a small amount of normalcy, I'm glad he's able to have it at home. Maybe when he blows up more he can just keep going out dancing and eating in peace. Ok this one's long AF let's move on. Rambling like always.

small note, but tequila in Mexico probably wouldn't actually burn. It's some of if. It the smoothest alcohol ove ever had. The liquor stores in tourist areas actually let you taste test shots of different flavors. I'm not a drinker and even after trying a bunch there was no burn. Or light headedness. It was the same on the resort. I drink a bunch cause it was an all inclusive yet it didn't feel like drinking distilled gasoline the way alcohol usually does. Idk if I'm describing it well but it's honestly amazing. The one thing I bought and brought home is these 2 bottles of tequila I'm waiting to open.

This sounds like the perfect night 😭😭 I did salsa/tango as a class when I was younger and the teacher would kinda describe this type of thing. Just going out and dancing socially. I always wanted to do it when I got older. Yet here I am having not danced in forever, possibly even more shy and barely going out. Life comes at you quick 🥴😂 I like to think I'll still have my night of dancing the night away but this is like the picture perfect scenario for when it happens. I love it.

"Nothing you say can convince me to make you walk these streets by yourself". Again, a gentleman 🤌 I was fortunate to not have any worries for my safety while there- but I also wasn't alone. Despite that, I had plenty of men come up asking if I want a "Mexican boyfriend" (that's not the cute thing it sounds like. It's basically a offer of sex. Or possibly to pay for some depending on who's saying it. ). The attention was a bit nice and kinda funny, but it would have felt VERY different alone. Walking a drink girl home to be sure she's safe is kinda the bare minimum but a large amount of guys wouldn't do it. Plus the way he insists is so endearing.

""It started off a little rough but I think the ending has been the highlight" sorry to keep reverting back to myself but this is funny cause I had the opposite experience. Getting there was rough AF, but the welcome at the resort was beautiful then that tour on the last day was a nightmare.

Note to self: continue to book afternoon flights whenever possible. Cause if he flight didn't leave til like 5 she could get there at like 2. Then there would be enough time in the morning for him to have stayed the night then left. Gotta book later flights to leave room for debauchery possibilities

*victory dance for loving in the moment and letting you impulses win*

The way this ended was cute, sweet but also so frustrating. Like nooooooo. Give each other some way to get in contact! Even if you don't stay in contact, at least have someway to reach out next trip! It doesn't even have to be phone numbers. Exchange of accounts at least! *On a side note that would have actually been cute. Like of they followed each other on social media or something. She didn't reach out because she was intimidated by him being a celebrity and he didn't simply because he was busy/worried about dragging her into his world. So he waited for her to make the first move and figure he should leave her alone when she didn't. Then she's finally coming back to Mexico and reaches out.

Welp. Here's more rambles. I feel like these were even more rambly than the last ones. I think it's cause this takes place in the real world insyead of talokan. Also because I have first hand very recent experience in the setting so I kept throwing that in. Sorry. Hopefully somewhere in here something was useful. If ore any typos I'm going fast and legit miss them when I reread.

2- tenoch and reader meet in Mexico and they have a wild day/night together drinking and dancing with a few romantic/ sexually charged moments (you know that man would have chemistry with a wall!) could either end either cute and they get together or a little angst where they don’t know if they’ll ever see each other again

Thank you again for your work it’s amazing! I will read anything you wrote tbh <3

I love sexual tension. It's like a a reward.

Summary: You went on vacation to start a new chapter. He was doing the same. Great minds think alike.

Fluff and tension. no smut (for once)

It was your last night in Mexico and you had decided to go to a dance hall. You had avoided it the last five days, worried about being alone. But you convinced yourself that you would be safe and you would regret it if you didn't go. At first, it was awkward, walking to the bar by yourself while you were surrounded by couples and groups making the best of their nights.

The dancefloor was busy with bodies and you longed to join as they switched into bachata. You nursed your drink at the bar watching the couples smiling and dancing. You yearned to be one of them but you weren't confident enough to go out on the dancefloor by yourself.

You ordered another drink and made it half way through that when a man stopped in front of you and offered you his outstretched hand, "Would you like to dance?"

Your eyes trailed up the man's arm and found a tall, dark haired, and handsome man in front of you. He was in a loose linen shirt and jeans. His smile was captivating and his accented voice made the request sound seductive. Your eyes lingered on his hand as you unconsciously sipped your drink.

"I can wait until you finish your drink, hermosa, if you like?" The man said as he took the stool next to you and ordered himself a shot.

"I, yes, thank you. I would love to dance," You finally replied, turning to the attractive man, having decided to take a chance. You downed the last bit of your drink which made him chuckle.

"Cómo te llamas?" The man asked as he offered you his right hand and downed his shot with the left.

"Y/N. You?" You asked as you let him lead you to the dance floor. You tried not to let the nerves get to you.

"Tenoch," He said against your cheek as he pulled you towards him and started to lead you in the dance.

Speaking was difficult with the volume of the music and the sound of the crowd. So instead the two of you moved to the rhythm. He was an enthusiastic partner and you could tell he was an experienced dancer. You let the worries of being looked at or judged disappear. The music moved through you and every touch of his hands on your skin was setting off waves of tingling on your body. You tried not to think about how romantic and sensual bachata was.

At one point he pulled you close, holding your waist with one hand and holding your hand to his chest with another. He leaned towards your ear, "You are a natural. Do you dance often, mujer?"

You tried not to get distracted by how good he smelled, or how solid his body felt against yours. You leaned towards his ear so he could hear your response, "I love dancing but I don't get the chance to very often."

"That's a shame," Tenoch spun you out then pulled you back in with a smile, "A woman like you should be able to dance whenever she wants. The dancefloor is more beautiful with you in it."

The way he was smiling at you was making you weak. It had been so long since you felt attractive. But dancing with this man in the middle of the dancefloor, feeling his hands, hearing his voice, seeing his eyes roam your body, you felt like a goddess. The music grew more seductive and he pulled you flush against him, so close that when he turned you slightly his thigh was flush between your own.

Your foreheads were practically touching as you moved together. There was a light sheen of sweat on your skin that was growing warming with the proximity. Your hand on the back of his neck caressed the short hair and down his shoulder as he pushed you into a new movement and then pulled you close again.

The eye contact was doing something to you. The smile had turned into a smirk and his pupils were dilated. When the song ended he took your hand and led you back to the bar. You were heady with the alcohol from earlier but you offered to buy the two of you another shot.

"No mames, guey. How can I let you buy? I'm buying everything you want tonight, hermosa, just keep dancing with me like that," Tenoch said as he pulled you close to him at the bar. The brazen show of affection was usually not something you allowed but he felt so safe to you.

As you waited for the shots to be poured you looked at him, the lighting at the bar was brighter than the dance floor. There was something oddly familiar about him. You had never met him before, you were sure of that. Your eyes suddenly widened with realization.

The shots were placed on the counter and Tenoch moved one close to you, "Que pasa, chica?"

"Tenoch? You're the actor right?" You asked, not believing your eyes. You were ashamed to say you weren't big on superhero movies but you did remember the internet being rife with discourse over the second Black Panther movie and the introduction of a new character.

"I'm assuming you don't really know my work if it took you so long to realize," Tenoch raised an eyebrow but still had a cheeky smile on his face. He gestured to the shot, "Drink, the alcohol will help with the surprise."

Obediently, you downed the tequila. Coughing a bit as it burned, "Shouldn't you be somewhere with a security detail?"

Tenoch laughed but still pulled you close, "I am not so famous yet. I wanted to feel invisible for awhile. I think I picked the right place and the right woman to do that with."

His eyes were intense. You glanced around as if someone was going to suddenly recognize him and ruin the fun you were having. Tenoch didn't seem to like that you were distracted and lightly grabbed your chin and turned you to him, "Will you keep dancing with me or will you run away?"

The challenge set your heart rate sky rocketing, in a good way. The buzz from the shot and the electricity from his touch was all the confidence you needed. Without answering, you took his hand and pulled him back onto the dancefloor, which made him laugh with delight. You pulled him closer this time, your hands framing his neck and face while his arms came around you to hold your back and waist. The closed position had you nose to nose.

You were intoxicated, not just from the drinks but from his presence. It felt like you danced for hours, flirting and moving together. You didn't pry into who he was and what he was doing there. Tenoch was enjoying your company. Dancing freely and having fun in the dim lights of the dancehall, between couples and lovers. The proximity was getting to the both of you.

Eventually you both tired out enough to sway back and forth slowly on the dancefloor, foreheads resting against each other, out of breath and in a firm embrace. You moved to rest your head against his shoulder and he automatically pulled you closer. The sigh he let out as he enveloped you in his arms sounded like a relief. He ran one hand up and down your back, languidly.

Reluctantly, you pulled yourself out of his arms, meeting his eye you took his hand and led him back to the bar to talk. Once there he offered to buy you another drink but you refused, not wanting to deal with a hangover on your flight the next day.

"Tenoch, tonight has been amazing, but I should really head back to my hotel. I have a flight to catch tomorrow," You said, still holding one of his hands in your own.

Tenoch gave you a soft smile, entwined your fingers, then led you out of the bar. Once on the street he turned to you, "Which hotel? Let me walk you there, it's late and you shouldn't be alone."

"You don't have to. You should still go in there and enjoy the rest of your night," you said, but you didn't let go of his hand.

"Nothing you say can convince me to make you walk these streets by yourself. Now come on," Tenoch pulled you along towards the direction of your hotel. He naturally took his place on the outside of the sidewalk, pulling you close to his side. You were acutely aware that no one seemed to be trying to grab your attention or catcall you the way they had when you had walked there earlier. A part of you wanted to scoff but you were also thankful for his presence. Your intoxicated state would have made you vulnerable.

"Where is home?" Tenoch asked as he tucked your hand into the crook of his arm, still slightly leading the way.

"Los Angeles would be the easy answer to that. But my family is split between there and Texas so I travel a lot," You replied.

"Do you always travel alone?" Tenoch glanced at you.

"Usually domestically I will, but internationally, this is the first time," you replied remembering how you ended up in Mexico by yourself.

"Why?" Tenoch was unable to stop his curiosity, the sadness that had tinged your voice made him seek out answers.

"I was supposed to come with my husband," You replied, looking up to meet Tenoch's glance, "Well ex-husband now."

You continued to walk, wondering if Tenoch was uncomfortable with the subject. But he was still holding your hand and walking with you.

"I'm sorry. Did you at least enjoy your trip?" You glanced over at him and smiled slightly as you thought about how to answer.

"It started off a little rough but I think the ending has been the highlight," You smiled at him when you said that, making sure he got the message. He stopped walking and you realized that you were standing in front of the small hotel you had booked. You thought for a moment that it looked too shabby but Tenoch didn't care about that.

"May I hug you?" He asked, finally letting go of your hand. You tried not to feel sad about the loss of his warmth.

"I'd be mad if you didn't," You replied as you welcomed his embrace. It was a firm and solid hug. His body was strong but not rock hard, and he caressed your back as he held you.

Pulling back slightly, but not releasing you, he spoke, "I am happy to have met you, Y/N. Tonight would not have been such a beautiful night without you."

You could feel your cheeks heating up under his gaze. You would have to look him up after this, if only to remind yourself of this night in the future. "Thank you, Tenoch, for asking me to dance. I don't think I would have been able to if you hadn't."

"When is your flight tomorrow?" He asked as you finally stepped away from each other.

"Noon. But you know how it is. I'll be there by 9 o'clock or earlier," You said, wrapping your arms around yourself, acutely feeling the loss of his body heat after spending hours reveling in it.

Both of you looked at each other. You contemplated asking for his number or inviting him to come to LA some time. But you remembered who he was. Los Angeles is not a place that he could be invisible and go dancing with a stranger for a night. You didn't notice that he had stepped closed to you again as you mulled over what to say so he wouldn't leave.

His hand on your cheek brought you back to Earth. You gasped lightly at how close he was and the look in his eyes. You watched him gaze into your eyes, travel down your face, and then focus on your lips. A moment seemed to last forever as you both hesitated. But for once in your life you let impulse win and you closed the distance.

Your lips met his in firm kiss, your hand on his jawline as you lightly sucked on his lip. Tenoch deepened the kiss slowly, holding your face as he did so. It was passionate and needy and ultimately over too soon. Once your lips parted, Tenoch took a step back and fully removed himself form your embrace. There was a shyness now to how he looked at you.

You smiled softly, knowing that this was as far as this would go. Neither you nor he would let it go anywhere else, because if you did then you would never want it to end.

"Goodnight, Tenoch. I promise, I'll watch your movies, " You joked lightly as you backed away towards the entrance to the small lobby of your hotel.

"Goodnight, y/n. You better. Maybe, if we meet again you'll actually recognize me," Tenoch replied with a carefree laugh and a soft smile. He turned and started his way back down the street.

You watched his back as he left you, "I don't think I'll ever be able to forget you now."

With a sigh you made your way back into the hotel. As you prepared for bed, doing the last few checks of your bags before your flight the next day, you couldn't help the smile playing across your lips at the events of the night.

...

There we go. Short and fluffy.