#that really made my day worse but its honestly not that serious

[sixosix]

STAY, TOO | AETHER

desc you were afraid that aether would break your heart, but that all flew out the window the moment he got sick and demanded only you take care of him

notes wc 2.8k, FLUFF FLUFF bit of angst with reader’s mindset but happy ending i swear on my asia server genshin acc + this draft had been in my docs since 10/15/2023. its a miracle that i decided to pick up on it again and actually finish it !!!!!!! enjoy fellow aether kissers

Evenings were always eerily silent; because of that, your thoughts were loud. Not in the way that screamed—no, it was much worse. It was his voice that whispered, that made you shiver and reach out for something that never existed. 

You didn’t know if you were dreaming or if you were awake and letting your mind wander away to a familiar face. Your mind always ended up back to him, no matter how much you tried to stray away. No matter who you talked to, he haunted you. Who you kissed, his face flashed in your mind. You wanted to curse his name out—it was his fault you were like this. It was his fault for deciding to come into this world and rid yourself of your defenses, left helpless to his whims.

“Um, Y/N?” A hand moved to your shoulder.

You jumped out of your seat, heart racing as his grinning face dissipated from your mind. You turned and breathed a sigh of relief. “What are you doing here, Sucrose?”

“It’s past midnight,” Sucrose murmured, her expression nervous, but apparently, she was too worried to leave you be. “I saw light from your window and thought you fell asleep…”

You didn’t even know if you were—everything before felt like a distant blur. Your eyes darted back to your desk, and then your face paled at the sight of a grinning face staring back at you. How long had you been mindlessly doodling Aether’s face? You quickly snatched them away from Sucrose’s view.

“I—I’m fine. Sorry, I did fall asleep.”

Sucrose’s bottom lip jutted out. “This has been happening for too long now. You’re not fine.”

What were you supposed to say to that? You were so hopelessly infatuated with someone who was ruining your life and possibly your job with Mr. Albedo. That would be a fast way to get yourself fired.

Sucrose sat on the chair beside you, her expression determined. “We’re friends, aren’t we? Can you at least tell me what’s going on?”

“It’s nothing that serious, Sucrose,” you stammered. Hopefully, the candles were dim enough to hide how flustered you were. It was more embarrassing than serious, really.

“Is it the Traveler?” She knew how to strike hard for someone with such an innocent face.

When had it not been the Traveler, honestly?

“Ugh…” That was a yes for her, apparently.

Sucrose smiled in relief. Her eyes darted around your face, studying you. “What’s wrong? Was he affecting you that much?”

“Yes. Disturbingly so. Like, seriously, it’s disturbing me.”

Sucrose’s eyes sparkled with wonder. “How?”

“It feels like swallowing a crystalfly whole and feeling it flutter around my stomach whenever I even think of him.”

Sucrose’s face turned serious. “What have you been doing to the crystalfies we’ve been collecting?”

“Never mind,” you muttered. “I’m fine, Sucrose. I promise, okay?”

You weren’t. Sucrose must’ve thought the same, too, because Lisa barged into your office the next day.

“What else are you expecting? For him to notice your wallowing and say something about it?”

Lisa’s sweet, melodious voice sounded torturous now when she was poking at all the things you were desperately trying to keep hidden. You sink against your seat, feeling a lot like a scolded kid, caught red-handed skipping chores—skipping responsibilities, hoping to stay oblivious for a bit longer.

“He already said something,” you grumbled, finding it difficult to meet the mage’s sharp eyes.

For someone who sounded as gentle as a mother to her only child, Lisa’s disappointment made you feel a lot more shameful than if she were to chide you in the middle of Mondstadt’s streets.

“A week after we met. He told me he likes me,” you continued.

Lisa’s jaw dropped, a funny expression you’ve never seen on her before. “A week after you met? Let me get this right—”

You groaned, “Lisa, trust me, I know—”

“—Our dear Traveler confessed to you ages ago. When was it when Aether helped us with Stormterror? He’s in Fontaine now!” Lisa looked a little frazzled, her eyes wild. You were expecting her to chide you some more until you saw how her entire expression was sparkling. This felt foreboding, somehow. “He keeps visiting to see you! After all these years of you foolishly rejecting him—”

“I didn’t reject him!”

Lisa hummed thoughtfully. “Oh, but isn’t that exactly what you’re doing?”

You were not rejecting Aether. You didn’t outright tell him you’re not interested because you are. He had been haunting your thoughts since you first laid eyes on him, returning from battle, cold breath billowing from his mouth, a pixie by his side, his hair aglow gold, Festering Desire in hand—and, oh, you desired him. It reached a point where Albedo himself had to ask if you wanted a check-up from how much you were burning with want.

Aether had grinned at you so brightly, and you damn near melted on the spot, even in the unrelentingly bitter weather of Dragonspine.

You found yourself liking him for more than his quite literally alien nature, his out-of-this-world body, and his abilities that had your hands itching to reach for a pen and paper to write down everything about him and figure out what the hell he was. Instead, you started falling for him as just Aether. His boyish smile, his witty jabs, his glimpses of personality.

And then he confessed to you—you, no one but one of Albedo’s assistants—and said he likes you, and you just couldn’t bring yourself to say anything at the time. You thought of him leaving one day, and then you just couldn’t say the yes that was chanting in your brain.

To no one’s surprise, he did leave. Not to that extent yet, but away from Mondsadt. Even in Liyue, Inazuma, Sumeru, and Fontaine, he invaded your thoughts as if cursing you for not saying what you were thinking. You could only wish he thought of you just as much as you did to him. Maybe he’d end up hating you, and not loving him would be easier.

“Are you kidding?” If it were so easy, you would’ve already jumped in his arms and kissed him breathlessly. “He’s—he’s not like us. He doesn’t belong here. He’d leave, eventually. Just like he always does with the other worlds.”

“Is that what’s stopping you?”

“That’s reason enough to be stopping me,” you said sharply. “He’s got millions of worlds to flirt with as he pleases, and this is my only one. Who knows if Aether is the type to even visit?”

Lisa crossed her arms. “Maybe you should ask. Communication is key.”

“Even if that was the case, I can’t handle it. I already miss him enough while he’s still in Teyvat—I don’t know how I could live with myself if I let him into my heart, and he’s a world away.”

“You’ve already let him in your heart,” Lisa said softly. “Just talk to him, alright? I’m not the only one worried about you when you drive yourself to a corner like this—especially over a boy!”

“I’m perfectly alright,” you said, ignoring Lisa’s amused smile. “I’m not losing my mind. Especially over a boy.”

You definitely were losing your mind. That boy was Aether; how could you not?

“I think it’s adorable,” Lisa cooed, cupping her cheeks and sighing dreamily. “He’s still waiting patiently. Who knew the Traveler would be so willing to wait for love?”

You wished that it wasn’t like that.

“Y/N! Are you here?”

Crap. Did you fall asleep in your office again? Might as well stop paying rent if this was going to be a recurring thing.

Once again, by routine at this point, you threw your notes that had Aether’s face inked by the edges. Memory be damned, You couldn’t let anyone see how detailed your drawings of Aether are.

“Y/N?” The voice rang out again, and it sounded more familiar now.

You went to open the door and frowned. “Lisa? It’s so early—did something happen?”

Lisa smiled in greeting, so beautifully devious with what she was about to say: “Our Honorary Knight is back in town!”

“Did you come all the way here just to tell me that?” Were people just seeing you as one of Aether’s admirers?

“Of course not,” Lisa chuckled, patting your head. How did she look so good this early in the morning? “He’s sick and needs someone to look after him.”

You wanted to close the door. You wanted to crawl back to your desk and go to sleep, but she had that look in her eye—one that told you that you had something to do with where she was going. And you did not like where this was going.

“So?” Dammit. You really wanted to see Aether again.

“Why, who else better to take care than his dearest alchemist?”

“Albedo is everyone’s alchemist. Sucrose is everyone’s dearest alchemist.”

Lisa shushed you. Why was she so invested in this? “No, no, his. Not everyone’s.”

You felt your face burn at the thought of being his dearest alchemist. Or anything his. “Absolutely not! Wasn’t he in Fontaine just yesterday?”

“Why don’t you go ask him that yourself?”

You scowled. You weren’t agreeable in the mornings. “How did you even know about this?”

Lisa smirked, poking your nose. “Because he asked for you, specifically.”

You laughed dryly—good one.

“I won’t let you do anything you wouldn’t want,” Lisa said seriously, “but would you change your mind if I told you that it’s Aether that wants you?”

And so you ended up in Aether’s teapot, which was hanging around Jean’s office for safety. Jean only smiled knowingly when you knocked on the door and zipped straight to the teapot. You were only doing this on the off-chance that Lisa was telling the truth and that Aether demanded he didn’t want anyone else but you checking up on him.

His teapot was familiar. You had been here a few times, but you didn’t have your own room. That was too embarrassing to ask, no matter how much Aether suggested it.

“Y/N!” Aether lit up the moment you entered the room.

“Aether,” you greeted, and as much as you wanted to hide it, a smile bloomed on your lips. It was hard not to smile when Aether was looking at you like that.

He looked like a mess, with strands of hair spread all over his pillows. His blanket was only up to his hips, showing that he was out of his usual look, and wore a simple white shirt. You were grateful for that shirt; you didn’t want to end up helping Aether strip because he definitely would have suggested that.

“I’m sick,” Aether whined. “Tend to me.”

You would’ve doubted his fever, but it was worryingly hot when you reached out to check his forehead’s temperature.

Immediately, your suspicions fly out the window. Aether was burning, and you were the only one in the same room (teapot?) who should take care of him. The Honorary Knight was reduced to a fever.

You cupped his cheek and watched as Aether pressed his face closer. “Does your head hurt?”

“Yes.”

You tore your hand off. “I’ll make something to ease the pain.”

“You can ease it right now. By kissing it away.”

“Aether,” you sighed. Unbelievable. How did he still have enough energy for this while positively rotting on his bed? “Take this seriously. I haven’t seen you this sick— Actually, this is the first time I’ve ever seen you sick. How did this even happen?”

“Stayed too long underwater,” he said.

Aether? Getting sick from swimming? You made a face, which Aether laughed softly at.

“No, seriously. It was an emergency commission. Even when I had to resurface, it was pouring. Someone was making the Hydro Dragon cry hard yesterday.” Aether’s face scrunched as he looked up at you with round eyes. “I was so cold.”

Although it sounded absurd that Aether would get a fever from that, you suppose that having to stay drenched for a long time would affect even someone like him. You couldn’t even imagine having to shiver your way back to Mondstadt after being thoroughly drenched the whole day.

You pulled the blanket further up Aether’s chest. Even if you suspected he was lying, he was trembling underneath the covers.

“Alright.” You’ll believe him because right now, it is a fact that Aether is undoubtedly sick.

You were well aware that he was and sounded like he was dying, but he looked cute, flushed, and staring at you expectantly. It felt nice to be needed by someone like him—made him feel less like a faraway dream.

You cleared your throat and looked away; you knew you looked flustered. “Have you eaten yet?”

“Why? Will you cook for me?” he asked.

You knew how to cook, but for someone who had traveled regions and tasted all kinds of foods, you would probably disappoint. Still, it wasn’t time for a competition with other chefs in Liyue or Fontaine. Aether needed food to fill his stomach.

“Any suggestions?” You hoped for nothing unfamiliar and crazy. You loved Aether, but having to fetch ingredients from oceans away was too much.

“Make it with love,” Aether said cheekily because he was a bastard who didn’t have any mercy on your heart.

And so you left the room and ignored Aether, laughing and coughing as he called after you. You had to leave either way—your chest was almost as warm as Aether’s forehead.

You decided to make a Radish Veggie Soup. You hoped Aether wasn’t too picky about his vegetables. The water was comfortably cold, enough to make you search around his cupboards for towels to soak it into. As you waited for the water to boil, you decided to check up on Aether again.

He was still lying there, but with his eyes closed now. You felt terrible seeing someone you witnessed defeat dragons battling a fever. You drew closer and placed the towel on his head. He didn’t flinch at the stark change of temperature, but he did react instantly, his warm hand clasping your wrist.

“Stay,” Aether rasped.

You bit your lip, your heart sinking. Was he dreaming about his sister? You always worried when he was feeling down because of their separation.

But then his eyes opened, and he stared right at you. “Y/N,” he said, “please stay.”

“I can’t.”

“Just this once.” Aether’s voice sounded so quiet, so unsure of himself.

You really couldn’t. You had a Radish Veggie Soup to attend to.

“I’m staying,” Aether said, and you had a feeling he wasn’t talking about the bed. “I’m staying here for you.”

You frowned. “Don’t lie to make me feel better right now. That would hurt more when you have to leave.”

Aether’s face softened impossibly. “I’m not lying. I’m telling you the truth—I’m not leaving Teyvat. Even if I find my sister, I’m staying.”

Seriously? Just like that? “What made you change your mind?”

You couldn’t tell if Aether was blushing or if it was his fever. “How could I leave Teyvat when I see how cute you look taking care of me?”

You threw a pillow to his face.

He swerved away and laughed brightly. “I’m joking! I’m joking—drop that pillow, please. I’m kidding. Well, sort of.”

His face was once again attempted to get assaulted by another pillow. Aether grinned as he blocked it off with an arm.

“For someone so sick, you seem awfully lively,” you said, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“You breathe life into me; what can I say?”

You groaned. You couldn’t deal with this today—you needed at least three business days to process this and find another reason to reject him. Yet, as you moved to get some fresh air (anything to get Aether’s stupid face out of your view), a hand abruptly reached for your wrist.

Aether’s face was close to yours in a blink of an eye. His breath was hot on your face. “I’m serious,” he said, “so if— if you feel the same way, the least you can do is stay, too.”

“I— You—” You gaped at him. That sounded like it could be a proposal. Who would’ve thought—the Outlander, the Traveler, begging for you to stay?

Aether’s gaze flicked to your lips.

“Don’t kiss me,” you said in warning. “Are you an idiot? You’re sick!”

“That’s fine. I get to take care of you when you do,” Aether said.

Your face paled. “No! I have a job, Aether—”

Aether frowned. “And I have a world to save, but that can wait. We’re busy.”

You pushed his face away, his laugh smothered by your palm. “No, we are not. I’m busy making food for your sorry ass, away from you.”

Aether’s face crumpled. “Do you actually not want to kiss?”

Not when he’s sick and snotty, yeah.

Instead, you leaned in to kiss his forehead to make up for it. It was brief and faint, but Aether looked satisfied, smiling softly when you pulled away. It would do for now.

“I’m staying,” you said. “So long as you do, too. I’ll stay with you.”

THE SOUP TURNED OUT OKAY STILL. this is just how my mom takes care of me when im sick LOL but the idea of doing it to a sick aether was too good i had to write a fic about it. also i love angst about aether being the traveler aaghgh

thank u sm for reading. as always, lmk what u think and i hope u liked it!! <3

[nxiispire]

Helloo

This is my first time doing requests and uhh

I was wondering if i can request a dom reader and sub tighnari in heat?? Like he just cant handle it anymore hhhhh he just needed to do something about it and the only person he can think of doing it with him is the reader-

i dont know how to do requests

|･ω･`)ﾉ a/n : here is the long over due tighnari fic, i am officially back from my hiatus but uploads may still be slow as i get back into the swing of thing :)

✰ Hot Faced .. !

[ Featuring ] -> Tighnari x reader

cw : gn!reader, handj0bs, riding, d0m!reader, sub!tighnari

The air around you started to cool down as the sun made its way over the horizon, glowing orange as it slowly disappeared. The forest didn’t get as cold at night as it did in the desert so you wouldn’t have to rush back to the village to avoid the night, but something else was causing you to pick up your pace, eager to get back.

Today you were surveying the forest with Tighnari, but about halfway through the day he had to excuse himself back to his house, saying he wasn’t feeling well and needed a rest. Quite honestly, you were worried about him as he barely ever misses out on duties and is very stubborn, even when sick. So, as soon as you finished your work, you made a beeline straight back to the village.

Finally, making it back to the village, you headed straight for Tighnari’s house and knocked on the door. At first, you hear nothing, but after a second knock, you hear a muffled groan through the door. Panicked, thinking he was in serious pain, you barged into his hut without waiting for a response. And the sight you saw only made your worries worse. He was curled up on his bed on top of a pile of blankets, only in his underwear, as his whole body was in a sweat. His ears perked up as he heard you enter the room. He looked at you, eyes wide.

"Tighnari, are you ok? You look horrible, well, not like that-"

Stepping closer, you paused mid-sentence, now having a better view of Tighnari’s state. Along with the sweat was a deep blush covering his face and hands, but the thing that made you stop in your tracks was his underwear. A visible bulge was evident beneath his wet, stained pants. Now you understand why he had looked so mortified when you entered the room, but now looking up at his face, his horrified look has relaxed into one of utter lust.

"Sorry… need help, please?" the way he stretched his “please” made it sound more like a whine, the sound causing your stomach to do flips.

" I-um I can get you someone to help? Someone more experienced," you rambled on, not really sure if he was suggesting you be the one to help him in that way. A part of you desperately wanted to be the one to help him, but on the other hand, you had minimal experience in this field, let alone experience with hybrids. You were pulled from your thoughts as you felt him grip your hand.

"Fennec foxes mate for life." You weren't sure what he wanted you to do with this information, but you waited patiently for him to elaborate.

“That's why,” he paused. “It needs to be you.” You swear your heart nearly shot out of your chest at his explanation, and god he looked so cute just looking up at you with those blown out eyes.

All you could do at that point was mutter “fuck” before positioning your knee between his legs and capturing his lips into a desperate kiss. The kiss was sloppy, but nothing less than passionate, releasing so many pent-up emotions. Knowing how much pain he was already in, you waste no time in ridding him of his boxers, wrapping your warm hand around his wet length. He moaned into your kiss as he immediately started to buck into your hand, doing the same thing he was doing to his pillow only moments earlier.

You guided him to lie down as you sat on his thighs, slightly hovering over him as you continued to make out. As much as you wanted to never leave, you parted from his lips, moving your head to between his neck and shoulder, licking and sucking on the sensitive flesh. You hadn’t even noticed he came until you leant up to check on him after his whines sounded somewhat pained. Of course, any worries of him being in pain left as you take in the view of his cum solid stomach, his cock still painfully hard.

“Please, just wanna be inside you, need it.” Even if you wanted to be mean and deny him the pleasure of fucking you, you couldn't deny the need to feel him either. Taking off your pants, you sink down onto his length, humming at the pleasurable feeling of being full. On the other hand, Tighnari was barely keeping it together, head thrown back, nails gripping your hips as he let out the most erotic sounds.

Wanting to hear more of him, you wasted no time moving yourself up and down on him, hands balancing on his chest as you play with his sensitive nipples.

“Ahh! O.. Oh!... Aghh! Uughh!” He let out, drool beginning to slide down the side of his mouth. Even with the quick tempo you kept, he still thrust his hips up, as if it were insufficient. Not that you were complaining. You could feel yourself get lightheaded as he hit all the right spots inside of you.

“Haah.. Ooh god, I'm gonna cum! Pleaseplease let me cum inside! Ughhh Pleeeaase.” Of course, you couldn't deny him, especially as you were on the cusp as well. As you groaned out permission, it only took a few seconds before he was spilling himself deep inside you, your orgasm following quickly behind.

Coming to your senses, you looked down at your lover, laying there covered in sweat. You can't help but smile and he lays there, eyes closed, with a dopey smile on his face.

[thewhumpcaretaker]

John getting drunk Santino home (Santino tripped over his own feet)

Hiiiii :3 This really veered off of the prompt aaaaaa it's not exactly the same thing, but it is filled with DRAMA!

(Also, this picture is pure gold. I think it’s saved on my Pinterest in like three places and it makes me feel something every time I see it.)

🖤💙 Walking Home 💙🖤

TW: alcohol, arguing

It was a brilliantly clear night in the streets of Rome. The cobblestones were scattered with flecks of golden lamplight and the moon perched its yellow hemisphere low on the horizon, echoing the distant domes of cathedrals. But John Wick had rarely felt his heart sit so heavily in his chest.

The evening had started off well enough. It was the third day of a getaway to Rome, which John had requested in an effort to keep Santino from working himself to death, and which Santino had agreed to because he never missed an excuse to pamper his “little guard dog”. After sleeping in and spending the day exploring museums and old shops, they’d finally ended up in a gorgeous restaurant and bar that John would never have noticed if Santino hadn’t been familiar with the area. It was there that the waiter mistook them for a married couple. John turned the same color as the tomato passata and said he thought that was very sweet. That he could picture it.

Santino disagreed. “What, you want to settle down and get married? Be serious, John.”

“And you don’t?”

He scoffed. “Me? Married? I can’t imagine a worse life, honestly. Well, I might have to marry for an alliance one day, but - ”

“You’re telling me you don’t see a future for us?”

And from there, things…escalated.

John had stormed out and found himself walking, weaving through crooked streets without really seeing them, replaying the memories of their argument over and over in his head. He winced again, thinking of the look on Santino’s face at the idea of marriage. It stabbed him right in the heart every time, to think that growing old together disgusted Santino so much. But why should he be surprised? He was just a killer, and Santino was a prince.

He found his footsteps heading for the Continental, since he had no intention of returning to the D’Antonio estate that night. Clearly this was the end of things between them. Why did he let himself get so attached in the first place? He was on a narrow, residential street that slanted downwards sharply enough to give him sight of rooftops stretching away, and to see that he was completely alone. He stopped, fought with himself for half a moment…but if he was going to break down anywhere, it might as well be here. He slumped forward into his hands and just let himself cry.

It was then that he heard someone calling his name.

“John, che - che cazzo ci fai qui? Stronzo. Devi seguirmi. [John – what the – what the fuck are you doing here? You asshole. You must be following me.]”

He opened his eyes to see the small, lithe figure that had emerged from some side street, dark curls glowing in the lamplight. He bristled and tried to wipe at his face before Santino could see anything. “I did NOT – “ but he stopped short. Something didn’t seem right about the way Santino was moving. “Are you okay?”

“Of course I am! Me and the pinot grigio made our own fun without you. We even invited the whiskey. What do…wait…are you okay?” Santino had reached him by this point and absently patted a hand against his cheek, feeling tears.

“Hey, stop it…” But John could smell the alcohol on his breath. Both anger and hurt had instantly drowned in concern.  “You’re drunk.”

“You’re crying. Don’t cry…” Santino was clingy in this state, his arms wrapping around John’s neck and his forehead butting into his chest. John didn’t know what to do with himself. The impulse was to hug him back but after the way they’d fought, he wasn’t sure he was allowed.

“Why do you care? I thought…” I thought we were broken up… “You know what, never mind. What are you doing out here? Where’s Ares?”

He pushed off of John’s chest again and stumbled a few steps. “I told her to leave me alone! Just…wanna go home…I think it was that way…” Home was not, in fact, that way.

John shuddered at the thought of the perils inherent in an important, highly recognizable man like Santino wandering unguarded through the streets, too drunk to defend himself. Guilt settled deep in his stomach. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have left like that.” He fell into step with Santino, his eyes glued to him with concern and an arm hovering behind his back in case he lost balance. “The Continental is near here. We’ll go there, get a car, find Ares. Okay?”

Santino waved a hand dismissively but he couldn’t carry the gesture at all right now. “Don’t…don’t hover! I can walk.” His shoe hit an odd cobblestone and at that steep angle, it sent him reeling forward. John caught him around the waist before he could go down. He waited to be pushed away but Santino just leaned against him, and this time John couldn’t stop himself from wrapping his arms around him. He felt so damn confused, but at least he’d rather be uncertain they were broken up than certain of it.

As if in answer to his thoughts, Santino let his weight fall against him even harder, pushing him back against a lamppost, and slurred, “Non posso essere quello che vuoi, John. Non sono... semplice. Pensi che potrei essere un marito? Guardami. Un litigio e... [I can’t be wha- you want, John. I’m not…simple. You think I could be a husband? Look at me. One fight and…]” He waved an arm across his dishevelment.

John opened his mouth to insist that he'd be a beautiful husband, even like this, but he still wasn’t done. “Vuoi che sia gentile e normale e non lo sono, ok? Sono un mostro, John. Non voglio sposarmi e vivere in qualche piccolo sobborgo a cuocere biscotti. Voglio metterti in mostra davanti alla Tavola Alta e poi sputargli in faccia. Sputare... sputare proiettili in faccia. Voglio scoparti finché... finché non sarò morto e ti amerò oltre la tomba. [You want me to be gentle and normal and I’m not, okay? I am a freak, John. I don’t want to get married and live in some little suburb baking cookies. I want to show you off in front of the High Table and then spit in their faces. Spit…spit bullets in their faces. I want to fuck you until…until I’m dead and love you beyond the grave.]”

John exhaled helplessly, beyond the powers of speech. He tipped his head back for a moment, eyes fixed on the vast chasm between the stars in a way that made him feel like he was falling upward for infinity. His hands were curled around Santino’s arm almost painfully, twisting the fabric. As soon as he found his tongue again, “È quello che voglio. Non mi interessa un pezzo di carta. E non mi interessa dove viviamo o se facciamo parte della Tavola. Non mi interessa nemmeno se avremo mai pace. Voglio TE. [That’s what I want. I don’t care about a piece of paper. And I don’t care where we live or whether we’re a part of the Table. I don’t even care if we ever have peace. I want YOU.]”

“Allora... di che cazzo stiamo discutendo? [Then…what the fuck are we arguing about?]”

John wasn’t sure which one of them started laughing first, but it wound up with lips and teeth pressed together, and Santino tugging hard on his lapels. And it ended with their gazes locked together, two stupidly sweet smiles matching the big “D” of the half moon.

He pulled Santino’s arm over his shoulder and started walking. “Come on. I’m taking you home.”

[artdcnaldson]

alright so in relation to the thing where art shows pats sister porn videos as like "inspiration" for things they're gonna do together, aka he's slowly corrupting her by normalizing these things for her. so i have 2 additional ideas for this, am gonna send them seperately and then you can just pick what you wanna do first, cuz the order is really not important.

so 1st idea: so maybe he gets really into the idea choking her, cuz we all know, well-established, that he loves to feel that power over her. and it starts as just like a way he wants to keep her in place, so he starts sending her like porn videos where its concluded, just like a lose hand around the girls throat. maybe its not even a real grip in the first ones, just a caress? just to get her into it, not that she wouldnt do anything he asks anyway. but slowly the videos gets rougher, maybe it leans slightly into breathplay too, akin to plugging her nose, but like still on the gentle side. but she likes it, not just seeing it, she likes when he does it. it feels good to have him grip her, feels good to get lightheaded, maybe she even gets off on him controlling whether she gets to breathe for not…. so he keeps doing it.

and one day he loses himself a bit, he had a bad day on the court, lost a game he should've won in his sleep, so he's pissed off. but he decides that the best way to get it out is to fuck her pussy, just really pounding her, bullying her little cervix. honestly it's a miracle if she can walk tomorrow. and as he's abusing her little cunt he has a firm hand around her throat, they've done this many times before.

but he's so lost in himself and getting his anger out he forgets to really focus on her and she ends up getting lightheaded from him squeezing too hard. but with his other hand over her mouth to cover moans she cant tell him to ease up. she ends up passing out (briefly), it's nothing serious shes fine really, but it freaks him out deeply and unlocks a more tender side to him and his true care for her. it really was never his intention to hurt her, its different from when he first slapped her, where he also felt awful, but could tell right away that she was okey and into it. this time she just kind of goes limp under him for a minute, and it scares the living shit out of him, because he cant communicate with her right away. he cant check that shes okey beyond check her pulse and breathing, but hes like crying and cradling her when she wakes up.

he has to spend the rest of the evening holding her tight to him and assuring her that he never meant to hurt her. it takes her ages to try to get him back into gently choking her, cuz she really did like it. but hes too scared hes going to hurt her again…

again not super slutty, but i just love love y'all!!!! i need them to be in looooooooove <3

-🐞

GODDDD my babies <3 I’ve abandoned them for too long <3

He knows you have a thing for his hands, it’s why he isn’t surprised you’re so willing when he starts sending you the choking videos. You’re always playing with his fingers absently, tangling his hand with yours, smiling all giddy and sweet when he wraps a hand around your thigh. You fucking love them— he sees you staring at them so much. So of course your eyes light up when he actually wraps his hand around your throat, just resting it there for the first few times, until you get impatient and put your hand on top of his, until you make him squeeze.

He should’ve known better than to try it after the match against Columbia, when he kept double faulting and missing returns that should’ve been easy. Every time he hit into the net it just made it worse and worse. He didn’t smash his racket, which was a miracle, because he wanted to. He wanted to squeeze the hilt in his palm and hit and hit until it shattered.

You were there, because of course you were— in Stanford tennis tee shirt so tight that it had to have been from the children’s section. With black eyeliner, you’d written a pretty A on your cheekbone for him. He’s snapping at you, rolling his eyes like every word you say is a huge inconvenience. You’re infuriating him by being so nice, by coddling him.

Sitting on his bed, legs crossed beneath you. “You played so well, Art, really. He was just a really good competitor, and now you know where you need to improve for next ti—“

“Can you just shut the fuck up?” He snaps, and you swallow hard, but nod.

He’s mad. Of course he’s mad, he lost. But you can help! You always know exactly what he needs. Slowly, you peel your shirt off, and he swears under his breath as your bare tits are revealed to him— the prettiest fucking sight in the world. And you don’t say anything as you strip, like you both already know where this is going to go. Just tug off your jean shorts and panties and lay back on his bed.

“You can take it out on me.”

And he does. You’re already wet, because you always get wet when he’s mean to you, but it’s not enough to make you comfortable without prep. You whine and dig your nails into his shoulders as he stuffs you full of his cock without bothering to get you ready for it. “Just fuckin’ take it—“ You pant and try to relax, to open yourself up for him as he fucks into your cunt.

You’re loud— you’re always so fucking loud— he just needs you to shut the fuck up for one goddamn second and let him cum. It hurts and you’re whimpering, babbling and squeezing him with your tight little pussy. With each moan and grunt that escapes him, you get fucking wetter, you get louder.

The second his hand wraps around your throat, your eyes roll back and the prettiest moan escapes your lips. He tightens his grip and your cunt squeezes him, sucks him in deeper.

“Jesus, you’re a fucking slut for it, huh? You want it harder?” You nod, eyes half-lidded and hazy. Your moans are choked and pathetic until he covers your mouth with a heavy hand over your mouth, muffling every whimper and gasp behind a thick palm.

He watches your lashes flutter with each rough thrust into your cunt. He should’ve known when your grip on his shoulders went lax, when your soft moans went quiet. He feels it when you lose consciousness, when your arms drop by your side and you go completely limp beneath him, eyes rolling back behind your lids, lips parted and unmoving.

He panics immediately, slapping your cheeks softly, trying to rouse you back into consciousness. “C’mon,” he says softly, popping your cheek. “Hey, wake up—“

You’re still breathing, he knows that, at least. And he has the decency to pull out while you’re passed out, not that he can stay hard when he’s so fucking scared that you’re going to hate him. You’re warm in his lap, and he feels your heart thrumming beneath his palm as he holds you. You look so peaceful, so soft and young. He knows then why Patrick never wanted this— he was always going to fucking hurt you eventually.

It takes barely over two minutes for you to wake up, but it feels like a fucking lifetime. Your brows furrow and you blink slowly, bleary. There’s a scratchiness in your voice that fucking kills him. “Mmm… sorry—“ you manage. “Didn’t mean to.”

It kills him. Really fucking kills him. “No it’s my fault, I was… that was fucking horrible.”

“No, Art, it’s fine. I told you to take it out on me.” You give a weak smile. “Did you cum, At least?”

Art knows he’s a bad person. He wishes he was better, that he didn’t corrupt you to this extent. He wants you to have a normal crush on a normal boy who wouldn’t dream of taking you to that point. He wants you to care about your own body more than you care about whether or not he got off. He hates the way you worship him as much as he can’t live without it.

[thewertsearch]

Ask Comp 12/8

@williamjakespeare asked: One of the recent posts concludes that the circumstances around Vriska's god tiering were "so much worse than anything I thought was going to happen" and I'm curious. What exactly did you think was going to happen?

Back before I knew how God Tier ascension worked, my theory was that Vriska's Quest Bed might grant her access to a special dream moon, and that Tavros's presence there might throw some sort of spanner into the works. I wasn't sure what kind of spanner, and my theories were very vague.

Vriska's a huge taskmaster, and I thought she might have given him an instruction that he was unwilling or unable to carry out. Like, maybe she told him to leave her God Tier Moon, and he was unwilling to abandon her to a fate he didn't understand.

I guess I was right. In the end, she did give him an instruction he couldn't carry out.

Anonymous asked: For the kid who was the most vocal about her 'distaste' for their guardian, having Mom be the reason that Rose snaps is actually very sweet, in a sad way. ~DJ

The above line from Rose implies that she had a lot more affection for her mother than she was letting on.

Their relationship was complicated, but if Rose viewed her as a sister, I think there had to have been some camaraderie between the two. We just never saw it on-panel, because the narrative began on the most stressful day of Mom Lalonde's life.

@elkian asked: So, fun fact about that time John joked about rescuing Rose from the Broodfesther Throes and you were going "yes it's a joke BUT IT'S ALSO SERIOUS JOHN!!!": Hussie's author note for that page is almost verbatim your reaction. Homestuck is as serious as it is silly and typically both at once.

Every time Hussie and I share the same thought, a subtle chill runs down my spine.

@gl1tchypyr0 asked: In regards to the thing about LOWAA potentially corrupting Eridan, itd be a little smart to remember what Sollux said in his conversation with Terezi about a prophet has to go blind to earn their stripes or how an angel earns its wings, Sollux states that 'angels are terrible feathery demons that paradox space uses to usher in the end' and Eridan was actually killing them even if he wasn't Supposed to. If you really think about it I actually kinda find it sad? If he was already a troubled individual Before Sgrub and then was on a planet of 'terrible feathery demons' that whisper prophecies in his earfins for an entire month that he was made to feel he Had to kill, honestly it makes me nervous imagining just how many doomed timelines there are where Eridan snapped far earlier. Not to mention the fact he's also on the Blue Team ie Derse players ie most susceptible to waking up in his sleep and seeing tentacles and eyeballs staring back at him (not that he wouldn't be /used to that/ back on alternia with his job of feeding glybgolyb so Feferi wouldn't have to). Not really defending eridan but just, food for thought kinda? About how LOWAA might have affected him enough for Doc Scratch to bring up such a hypothetical. The idea that Eridan was already pretty bad before the inevitable Sgrub trauma and then LOWAA made thinks /worse/.

Oh, don't get it twisted - Eridan's just as much of tragedy as any of the other trolls. He's certainly written to be less sympathetic, but he didn't deserve to be raised in the Alternian Empire. Just like Vriska and Equius, he could have been a much better person, if only he was raised in a less violent and oppressive culture.

Of course, he could still be an asshole if he was born on Earth - but at least he'd have a chance to be better. Alternia stacks the deck against you in ways that simply aren't fair.

@galaxa-13 asked: It is very satisfying watching you pick apart everything Doc Scratch says without playing his game. Rose wishes she could, but unfortunately she is a child and not as smart as she pretends to be. Usually it's fun to watch people theorize because of what they don't know, so it's extra fun when someone as smart as you doesn't have the pieces I already do. Just chortling to myself, "Oh ho ho, just you wait!" @elkian asked: I may have sent this before but I ADORE your Doc Scratch dissertations. What few liveblogs (and fandom during/after the run) I've followed have other strengths and focuses, so these moments where you stop everything to shred his dialogue to see if fhere's even a GRAIN of truth are novel and absolutely fascinating. I think you've done the most thorough analyses of any 1 of his convos let alone all of them and I'm here for it. Rip that shady motherfucker apart! :D

Despite myself, I am enjoying puzzling out the true meaning of what he says. I've just got to remember that he is fully capable of lying.

I do think, on balance, that there is some hidden meaning to his words - it's just hard to find. His '50% chance of ascending' statement is definitely foreshadowing something, I just can't figure out what. I think it has something to do with the reboot session, but I'm waiting to learn more about the reboot before I really start theorizing about it.

Anonymous asked: In case the 7 Gates haven’t been fully explained yet — the Gates over a player’s house are all either entry (transport to somewhere on their planet) or exit (destination of a gate on the planet of the previous player in the chain). Using John as example: Build to gate 1, which takes him somewhere on LOWAS. Find gate 2 elsewhere on LOWAS, this will take him to the matching gate over Rose’s house — build up to her gate 3, which will lead to somewhere on LOLAR, then find the planet’s gate 4, etc.

Here's my old interpretation of the Gate system, from way back in Act 4. I'm fully in agreement with you about John's path here - the problem is that when you use it to extrapolate Rose's path, things start to fall apart.

See, this ordering method implies that in a four-player chain, your own Seventh Gate is located on the Land preceding yours, rather than your own. This means that Rose's Seventh Gate is the one that got John killed on LOWAS - the one which leads to his Denizen. It additionally implies that John's Seventh Gate should have been on Jade's Land instead. It's all very confusing.

Anonymous asked: Something I love about how this god-tier immortality system is described, however it works, is that "remaining neutral" will PROBABLY keep you alive… but when you think about it, remaining neutral means not making a REAL DIFFERENCE. As a God, if you want to make a difference in the world around you -- good or bad -- you have to be willing to stake your life on it.

True! It's an interesting balancing mechanism, where each God Tier has to decide whether their life is more valuable than their personal agency. Gods who avoid Heroic and Just situations are almost invincible, but they're also completely ineffectual.

I'd obviously try to game the system somehow, but the vague, subjective definitions of Heroic and Just make this a difficult system to game.

@spyril4132 asked: with the reveal of the heroic-just system, there's now a reason you might not want to god tier immediately: sacrificing one of your selves for a heroic cause and then doing what aradia did (but intentionally)

Good point. Although, I'm not sure I'd want to rely on the Quest Slab for my resurrection - at least, not yet. We don't really know the rules are, and how they differ from normal Quest Bed rules.

Anonymous asked: "I don't really care if Paradox Space sanctions his actions - he needs to be taken down, and if that upsets the natural order, then it's time for a new natural order." i think you for sure lean more lifeways on the life/doom player axis lol. oh, the laws of the multiverse say death is inevitable? well, that fucking sucks and i hate it, so i'm gonna wedge myself into the cracks and loopholes and *make* it evitable one day at a goddamn time, life finds a way motherfucker.

Life finds a way, motherfucker!

I actually find both Life and Doom fairly interesting, as Aspects go. I think, at this point, I'm committed to giving one to my kidsona, and the other to my trollsona.

If another Aspect ends up catching my eye, we'll have to start workshopping a Carapaciansona!

Anonymous asked: I think you got it kinda twisted what's going on with Rose. Yes she is slightly corrupted by the Horrorterrors powers/boons and Scratch's… Sheer Existence. But in her mind, she's doing this to Save her session, so if she does go God Tier and gets killed, her death wouldn't be Just, it would probably be Heroic. As she probably would've died tryong to save her session, which would cancel out the corruption from Scratch and Horrorterrors. Either way she still dies, but it's the difference in Why she dies that's important. […]

See, this is the whole problem, isn't it? These terms are incredibly subjective.

I personally think Rose's attempt to save her session is extremely Heroic - but Skaia couldn't possibly approve of her assault on the game, so I don't think it would cancel out her Horrorterror corruption. Sburb itself is probably the last word on what qualifies as a Just death, so I think that's what she'd get tagged as, if she died as a God Tier in the Green Sun's explosion.

I'm also not sure if getting tagged as Heroic would cancel out a Just tag. They're not necessarily opposites - Vriska, for example, is designed to have a controversial alignment, and could easily die in a way that counts as both.

@ben-guy asked: Small correction, you referred to the Alternian empire as "intergalactic" when it only exists within one galaxy as far as I'm aware. Yes, kind of a silly nitpick, and one that I could be wrong about, but I happen to enjoy thinking about the comparative scale of space faring societies lol. If there is a quote contradicting that, I'd like to see it! Pretty sure it's merely a galactic empire tho :)

Nah, that's fair - that's the kind of nitpick I'd point out, too.

Galaxy, singular. I think I parsed the Empire as intergalactic because massively faster-than-light travel is clearly possible in this setting, via time manipulation. We don't actually know if Alternia had access to time manipulation before Sgrub - but Earth seemingly did, so who knows?

@abacusdictator asked: Found your liveblog a few days ago and furiously binged it. Happy to find another Homestuck liveblog! Especially one I can see happen in-progress! I hope you enjoy the rest of the story!

Thanks - and you're certainly coming in at an interesting time!

Anonymous asked: Scratch "chooses not to lie," but he also has the privileged position of knowing in advance that Rose will misunderstand what the Scratch is, leading to her doing what he wants. If he knew that not lying wouldn't get him what he wants, or even if he didn't know for certain that it would, would he lie? If so, that basically means it's pointless to try to figure out his true meanings, because if you succeed, he'll have retroactively lied about it anyway.

Yeah, this is pretty much my take.

Does it really matter if he 'doesn't lie' if he can foresee all the truths that will mislead you? When you're playing at his level, the actual truth of your statements barely matters.

@skelekingfeddy asked: to my knowledge this has never been commented on by hussie, but i feel like doc scratch doesnt lie in part because he was made from the cueball. its a fortune telling device that predicts the future with remarkable precision and accuracy. you wouldnt expect it to lie, would you? its just that the difference between scratch and the cueball is that he can pick and choose WHICH truths to reveal at which moments. (his penchant for jokes thus probably comes from cal (‘haa haa hee hee hoo hoo’) i feel like him never lying is also a way to feed his own ego. its a self-imposed(!!!!) restriction, and yet despite it he effortlessly plays everyone like fiddles. and he KNOWS it. he CHOOSES never to lie. he VOLUNTARILY hands the people he manipulates an advantage on a goddamn silver platter, and he STILL wins. ‘Isn't it funny how during our various matches, I can tell you what my moves will be in advance, and still win?’ hes so fucking smug. what a pompous dipshit. i love him Anonymous asked: I think that when Scratch say he don't lie, he mean it, and not because of some vilainous valor but out of sheer ego. Scratch is prideful, he love beating other by "playing with cards face up" and tricking them with exact word, he doesn't tell the truth because it's "honorable", he tell the truth because he doesn't need to lie to win.

Also, this. He's just a smug fuck.

Do we know for sure if the cueball is always truthful, actually? Scratch heavily implies it here, but he's only stating it as a hypothetical.

Anonymous asked: Scratch is like a fae, he doesn't lie but you better watch out how he word what he say.

I'd be so screwed against the fae. Not because I couldn't parse their statements, but because I'm only halfway competent with human social customs, let alone weird alien ones.

@manorinthewoods asked: Honestly, I think it's great for his character if Scratch is actually completely dead of emotion inside, possibly even thoughts, and is just near-mindlessly carrying out the necessary parts of his role in the story so that his desired outcome is achieved. He's omniscient, he doesn't need to think. On the other hand, he does seem to have experienced genuine emotion, on occasions… ~LOSS (24/7/24)

A pseudo-omniscient character, mindlessly following the optimal path to their ultimate goal? This smells suspiciously like a Certified Contessa Moment...

Anonymous asked: In the trolls game all the trolls got to see and speak to their lusi after they died because they put them in the sprites. Meaning Gamzees dad coming back wouldn’t get him sober. Ideally Gamzee would be able to interact with his dad way more then he ever had in the past because his dad now had to guid him as his sprite.

Fair point. Although, we know that prototyping tends to affect your personality, and shifts your priorities towards guiding your Player through the game.

Goatsprite's sprite knowledge might have informed him that Gamzee needed to be on Sopor Slime, or game would become unwinnable.

@heliotropopause asked: "Well, no! That’s the problem! The cueball’s omniscience is completely redundant, because the MEOW code already contains an omniscience gene! According to the Scratch loredump, any ‘intelligent’ host for the MEOW code will be granted near-omniscience. Scratch didn’t need the cueball," I think it's worth considering the what exactly he meant with that- it seems perfectly plausible that the teleportation-based powerset established for bequerel would make an intelligent agent very good at observation, either by physically hopping around, or by teleporting light around to see distant places, or by sending out telekinetic "feelers"; we know bec has the capability to separately manipulate individual objects in physical contact from afar. None of this would give him knowledge of the future, or of physically disjoint spaces like the human session, so the cueball is not at all redundant.

It's possible. See, this is another situation where we're really being hampered by our small sample size. We've only seen two First Guardians, and only one of them has been a 'standard' First Guardian, unaltered by HONK. As such, we don't really know how First Guardian clairvoyance is supposed to function.

Another Guardian with human-level intelligence is desperately needed, for science. It's almost enough to make me want the Scratched Guardian of Earth to be made from a human...

@manorinthewoods asked: As an alternative explanation for the double-omniscience problem, one could say that the cueball, in being used to create Scratch, retroactively and conceptually gained his omniscience - so effectively, any use of a cueball allows you to attune to Scratch's awareness (as long as he's alive, perhaps?). This would subsequently imply that First Guardians are all linked to their components - for instance, there would be some link between Bec and all dogs, or specifically Halley. ~LOSS (23/7/24)

As this ask points out, I might just be drawing the causal arrows in the wrong direction. If the cueball is omniscient because of Scratch, rather than the other way round, then there's really only one root cause for his clairvoyance.

I'm not sure why it would work like that, but I do like the idea of Colonel Sassacre running around the early 1900s with a suspiciously powerful dog.

@manorinthewoods asked: The link between 'Skaia's final gate of defense' and 'first to find Alternia' is something I just didn't notice (because I didn't really pay attention to the words and botched my experience by not watching the Flashes), but it would imply, to me, that the gates run in reverse order, Skaia to World - first meteor in, last meteor out. This would mean that the moon which dropped on Jade was the last meteor to hit […]Skaia. ~LOSS (23/7/24)

Hey, good catch!

Jade's meteor was the last to arrive on Earth. By this logic, wouldn't it have been the first thing to leave the session, rather than the last?

That makes a sort of sense, actually. A meteor this enormous would dwarf the entire Incipisphere, so the game would probably want it out of the picture as soon as possible.

@manorinthewoods asked: You seem to have run with the interpretation that all First Guardians run on the same fundamental genetic code, identical to MEOW but using different letters. Not really how I thought of it - I interpret that every FG's code is different, although I also didn't think too hard about the FGs. No reason that they'd necessarily all have to have the same genetic code - after all, Bec's a dog and Scratch's a Scratch. You'd only really need a single gene to code for Green Sun powers… ~LOSS (23/7/24)

It does say they share a genetic sequence, rather than an entire genome. Becquerel presumably contains some dog DNA - the 'host' - which is absent in Scratch, so their genome can't be identical.

Unlike Becquerel, Scratch's hosts were entirely synthetic. They didn't have DNA - which, to me, implies that his entire genome is just an amalgamation of the BR8K H34DS T1CK T0CK HONK sequences. His DNA is just the First Guardian sequence, plus whatever is in HONK.

...what the hell is in HONK, then? If it's DNA, it has to come from some living thing, and I have a horrible feeling that Gamzee spliced his own DNA into the sequence. Why else would he call it HONK?

@skelekingfeddy asked: ‘…the fucking bow-tie! He’s wearing Cal’s Alternian clothes! The proof’s been staring us in the face this entire time, and we were none the wiser!’ look at what regular cal is wearing underneath his blue ‘CAL’ shirt :)

My guy's been pulling the long con.

@morganwick asked: "#but now that i have an antimatter pellet I can feed it to my bees. they can create nuclear waste honey without all the fission rigmarole" Minecraft, Sollux style. (Or maybe Minecraft, Problem Sleuth style?)

Sollux would be a Productive Bees specialist, wouldn't he? That, alongside every computer mod in existence.

@elkian asked: Sorry if I'm the 80th person to mention this but Vriska's 8r8k could also refer to the act of shooting the cue ball at the group of pool balls at the start of a game, known as a "break". @ben-guy asked: Fun fact: In pool terms, the "8r8k" actually refers to the opening shot that sends all the balls flying everywhere. Additional fun fact: The game of pool has a history of being used as a metaphor for causality, which lends some interesting metaphorical weight to Doc Scratch as a cue ball.

Oh, that's true - pool balls are often used as an analogy when talking about causality. Surprising that that's never occurred to me before.

I like to think that when the Felt storm a rival gang's lair as a group, they call their maneuver The Break.

@manorinthewoods asked: Oh my god, Aradia uses Jack to go to the Green Sun. That's such a cool detail. It's so fast, I didn't even see it. To be fair, although the timing is ridiculously impressive, Aradia is both a god and specifically a god of time. Although it's never stated, perfect timing is an obvious power for Time God Tiers to have, which does mean that Aradia would be a half-Flechette. ~LOSS (18/7/24)

And Kanaya's a fashion designer, too. Aradia x Kanaya when?

Anonymous asked: Hey, unfortunately the reqs list link seems to be janked out on my mobile client so I hope this is ok but if you haven't already heard of it I highly highly reccomend Jon Bois' 17776: What Football Will Look Like In the Future It's about football in the same sort of way that homestuck is about video games

Love that story - and I still have to read the sequel, actually!

Anonymous asked: Forwarding another question from the person without a Tumblr account: ~DJ. [I think the change in Equis and Nepeta's behavior is explained by "being together and solving problems together for a long time was great for Equius' and Nepeta's relationship" and "the destruction of Alternia helped Equius realize some facets of Alternian culture he believed where false" (because unlike Eridan he is able to change his mind about stuff like this). - RM]

I really want to see what Equius and Nepeta got up to for a month, as well as all the other trolls. It'd be great to get an 'untold stories of Homestuck' anthology at some point - and hopefully, that's something we'll see in some of Homestuck's tie-in media.

Anonymous asked: I’ve been thinking about Bec prototyping himself and I think I’ve got an answer that works for me - not necessarily the whole answer or the only answer, but I think it’s got something. Basically, Bec knows he can’t / shouldn’t get rid of the meteor entirely (he came down in a meteor that built the frog ruins, so even if we’re just going off what he’s experienced we can say that he probably on some level understands that these meteors landing is important) but he also understands he doesn’t have the type of power or the finesse with that power to only delay it until Jade can take the shot. After all, he could’ve just teleported the living room junk to a different part of the house, but he sent it into deep space because his doggy brain can only deal in absolutes when it comes to perceived danger to his best friend, and the only power we’ve seen First Guardians use (to my recollection) that would in any way help with slowing the meteor is teleportation. He can’t reliably teleport it back only far enough that it will keep falling, but won’t yet land, and he doesn’t have anything else at his disposal - except becoming a sprite, who we’ve seen use beam attacks, which allows Bec to push the meteor back as a delaying measure. Don’t know if he knew it would help so specifically, but even so, I can see Bec understanding it as the only option he has that isn’t either ‘send thing as far away as possible’ or ‘let thing squish most beloved person’. I do think the weakest parts of this theory are What Bec Understands, but puzzling through that devilbeast’s thoughts is hardly a new impossibility. If nothing else, we can all understand that he did this to save Jade, because he loves her, and we love him for that. -Megido (am a new anon, just spent the past couple days catching up and have enjoyed this liveblog immensely)

I think this theory is a good one, and Hussie's comments support it.

The meteor needed to be destroyed in a very specific way for the timeline to retain its integrity, and Bec should instinctively know that, born from Sburb as he is.

Anonymous asked: There are three lenses I think you can view troll romance through: the Xenopsychology lens, the Propaganda lens, and the Parody lens. The Xenopsychology lens is that trolls do in fact experience alien emotions which cannot be felt by humans. It's not just that troll society chooses to categorize the same types of feelings and relationships that humans have differently; these are genuinely unique and original emotions, like a new color that a human couldn't imagine. Describing kismesissitude as hatemance or rivalry or abuse, or moirallegiance as bromance or besties or queer platonic partnership, or auspisticism as third wheeling or mom friending or refereeing are all fundamentally incorrect, because there is no human analogue. You can take this a step further and say that matespritship is also fundamentally different from human romance, even if it appears similar. Therefore all attempts to analyze or write troll romance should be forays into xenofiction, attempting to understand things within a nonhuman framework. The Propaganda lens is that actually troll emotions aren't really any different than human ones, but the quadrant system benefits the hemocasteist militaristic empire by keeping trolls divided enough to become either fucked up killers or submissive victims by the time they reach maturity, but have the minimum support structure needed to actually reach maturity. Kismesissitude is fundamentally unhealthy, auspisticism serves as a counterbalance to keep everyone from killing each other, and moirallegiance serves to prevent trolls from having multiple close friendships or from being fully open with their matesprit by arbitrarily sequestering who it’s appropriate to have certain positive interactions with. None of this is really romance except the one that’s analogous to human romance, but trolls are raised to buy into the system under threat of death. It’s hard to form community and contemplate uprising if everyone confines the meaningful relationships in their life to like 4-5 other people, half of which are based on negative interactions. Also it’s a commentary on how human rules about love and relationships and where the platonic ends and romantic or sexual starts are socially enforced rather than wholly natural and can be arbitrary and unhealthy. Anonymous asked: The Parody lens is that this is all Hussie making fun of fandom shipping tropes. All sufficiently devoted rivalries are actually romantic love. All sufficiently strong friendships are actually romantic love. These two are so hopelessly oblivious to the fact that they actually want to get with the guy they hate, or that the other person they think just wants to be friends actually feels the same way, they need a third party to push them together. (Okay this one doesn’t work because auspisticism seems to basically be the opposite of that? Maybe auspisticism is supposed to be like, contrived elimination of competing romantic options to assure an OTP. Idk if anyone really knows what auspisticism is supposed to be, least of all Hussie.) Also because this was early 2010’s Hussie, there’s maybe a certain level on which trolls being societally obliged to polyamory and bisexuality is also making fun of shippers, although if it was I think Hussie turned around pretty quickly to actually being cool about it. Much like how light is a wave, and a particle, and a ray, all of these are true at different times. This is because the nature of Hussie's writing is that even when things are serious business, they are also jokes. And this is also why the Homestuck fandom will never agree on the correct way to understand and depict the quadrants.

Great breakdown. As you could probably predict, I lean a lot more towards the Propaganda lens, with a healthy dose of Parody mixed in.

The Xenopsychology lens isn't necessarily untrue - it's just that, as I've discussed before, the trolls read as extremely human to me. I honestly believe that if you raised a human on Alternia, they'd probably be compelled to form the same quadrants as everyone else.

I once got an ask stating that, according to Hussie, each of the quadrants are meant to be exaggerated versions of human relationship dynamics. I'd really like to check out that full quote, so if anyone's got a link, send it my way!

[cinnaleaf]

ESSENCE OF US - CH 5: DATE NIGHT*

Please read responsibly. This fic will get hot and heavy as the story progresses, 18+ only MDNI | READ CH 4 HERE | MASTERLIST | READ CH 6 HERE [soon]

summary: a fleeting encounter with a mysterious Trent leaves you wondering if fate is playing a bigger match. your paths continue to cross in unexpected places as the fragrances around you mirror the growing tension between you. maybe it's just a coincidence..or maybe its destiny in the making.

warnings: ANGST, SMUT, oral sex (female receiving), language, implied anxiety genre: fluff, angst, slow(ish) burn romance, slight smau wc: ~7.1k a/n: you asked for angst..i hope i delivered. please share your thoughts in my inbox!!

Enchantée(f)/Enchanté(m): 'nice to meet you' Rêveur: 'dreamer'

You stood in front of your mirror applying the final touch of gloss to your lips. Your nerves had been a mess all day and you were mentally spiraling, trying to convince yourself to chill out. It wasn't like it was your first time with Trent. You saw him plenty of times, but tonight felt different compared to the random run-ins and late nights. The anticipation of it all had your stomach doing somersaults.

Why am I so nervous? It’s just Trent. No big deal.

You took a deep breath, staring at your reflection like it was going to give you the answers to the superstorm brewing in your head. This date wasn't like all the other encounters where you ran into him. This date was planned. Intentional. Something about him putting in effort to plan all of it made things feel serious. 

“Okay..he's already seen me naked. It can't get any worse than that,” you said to your reflection, trying to hype yourself up. The pep talk wasn't really stopping your heart rate from skyrocketing though. 

Then you heard a knock. 

The kind of knock that makes your stomach lurch.

You took one glance at yourself in the mirror, trying to keep it together before you opened the door. He looked perfect as always. Honestly, he had no business looking that good. His gaze looked you over before settling on your face. “Damn..you look beautiful.”

“Thanks. You look good too...” you replied neutrally, trying to play it cool. It wasn't really working but it was worth a shot. He stepped closer, his eyes still scanning over you. “Nahh. You're showing out tonight Y/N. Look at you!” You laughed nervously, suddenly feeling self-conscious. “You've seen me before…”

“Not like this..I almost don’t want to go to the class,” he said softly, leaning in towards you. Before you could respond he kissed you. It was slow and deliberate, like he wanted to take his time to savour you. You almost forgot where you were for a second as you felt the warmth of his hand resting on your hip. When he pulled back, he smiled as he looked into your eyes. “Ready for tonight?”

You smiled, although your stomach was still doing somersaults. “Um y–yeah. I think so.”

“You sure? You look like you're about to faint,” he teased.

You rolled your eyes, trying not to laugh. “I'm not going to faint! This is just our first date. It feels weird.”

“Why is it weird?”

You shrugged, biting your bottom lip. “We've done everything but this. Just feels different, that’s all.” Trent chuckled as he brushed his thumb over the corner of your lips “Don't overthink it Y/N. We'll have fun.”

“Maybe..” you admitted. You definitely had a habit of overthinking and Trent was starting to clock it. He had a way of making you feel comfortable, but anxiety was always lurking in the background, waiting for the perfect moment to strike and mess with your head. 

“Y/N..” he said softly, “It's just us having a good time.” You nodded, trying to shake off your nerves. “Ugh. You're right..I'm being dumb.”

“You're not dumb. We’ll have a good time tonight,” he said while kissing your temple. Once you were in his car, his hand rested on your thigh as he drove to the cooking studio. “So..you gonna tell me if I get another date? Really trying to impress you here.” You burst out laughing, “The bar was low Trent..you already passed.” Trent joined in on your laughter, not offended in the slightest. “Low? Never that. I'm setting a standard.”

“Mhmm..we'll see.”

The city lights flickered by as he continued to drive. By the time you made it to the studio, your nerves had been replaced with excitement. The chef greeted both of you with a welcoming smile as she handed an apron to both of you. “Welcome, lovebirds! We're making a three course meal tonight. We’re starting with roasted bruschetta topped with heirloom tomatoes and fresh basil, followed by homemade pasta in a truffle sauce. And for dessert, a chocolate soufflé.”

Lovebirds?? 

The lighting in the cooking studio bathed the room as you and Trent tied your aprons. The space had a cozy and inviting feel to it while still being romantic. Every time Trent caught your eye, he looked at you like you were the most fascinating thing in the room. Your conversation with him flowed naturally as you began preparing the bruschetta. Trent grabbed a tomato, slicing it with more precision than you expected. Maybe he did know his way around the kitchen.

Trent leaned in closer to you as you started prepping the rest of the ingredients. “So how’d you end up in the perfume business? Love Notes..that’s all you?” You were a bit surprised by his curiosity as you glanced up at him. “Yep, it’s mine” you said, before placing an ingredient down. “I used to mix random things together when I was a kid. My parents would get so pissed off, so I would sneak around and do it while they were sleeping.”

Trent laughed, fascination displayed on his face. “So you turned that into perfume?”

“Eventually..” you said, smiling as you began to chiffonade the basil in front of you. “I studied chemistry in uni because I wanted to learn how to mix things professionally. I created a fragrance during my last year for fun..but it ended up getting some attention. Too much attention, actually.”

“It went viral or something?”

You shrugged, feeling shy now. “Sorta. A fragrance house offered to buy the formula from me. That's where I got the money to start Les Notes d'Amour.” Trent set his knife down, turning his attention to you fully. “So, you made a popular perfume and just..sold it to someone else?”

“Yeah, pretty much. I don't know if you've ever heard of it but it's called ‘Enchantée’. I thought I used too much tuberose but—” Trent stared at you for a minute with an unreadable expression as you continued to talk. Then he broke into the biggest smile you’d ever seen before cutting you off mid-sentence. “Enchanté! That's my mum's favorite perfume.”

“Wait..what?!”

“Yeah! She's been wearing it for a long time. That's wild..you made that??” he said, laughing softly. Your heart skipped a beat once you realized there was another layer of connection between the two of you. 

“Trent…are you being serious or are you fucking with me right now? Please.”

The universe sure had a funny way of circling back, always leading you right back to him. “I swear! She talks about it all the time. She never goes a day without it.”

What were the odds? First the train, the café, Paris, and now this. Insane.

“Small world, huh?” you whispered, nudging into him. He nodded, still grinning like he had won the lottery. “Just the universe and all its plot twists. It's been playing matchmaker from the start.” He was right. The idea of fate bringing you together felt more real with every moment you shared with him. You knew there was chemistry, but you never expected it to deepen in this way, it felt surreal. “So..after that I opened Love Notes..” you continued in a softer voice. “I started creating custom fragrances for brides and grooms, celebs, and I made signature collections. I want everyone to have something that’s made just for them.”

Trent reached over, brushing his hand over yours. “That's valid. I didn't know you were out here changing the game like that.” You smiled, feeling your heart race again. “I love it. It never feels like work to me.” You could see the admiration in Trent's eyes. He was taking in every word you said, every part of your journey, your world. “What about you?” you asked, shifting the focus to him. “I know footie is life or whatever, but what about your family? You seem close.”

You saw his expression soften when you mentioned his family. “Yeah, we're close. I've got two brothers who always have my back. We're tight.” You could hear the love in his voice as he continued to gush over his family. “That's so sweet,” you said, admiring how genuine he was being.

“Yeah, they're the reason I’m where I am. Couldn’t do it without ‘em.”

Before you could respond to him, he cupped your chin to tilt your face towards his. He searched your eyes before leaning in, giving you a slow and tender kiss. It felt like a quiet affirmation of the serendipity that seemed to weave your lives together in ways neither of you could fully understand at the moment. He gazed at you, looking like he was about to say something that would change everything.

“Maybe..” he began in a low voice. “Maybe we should stop pretending we're just—”

Your heart pounded, the anticipation pulling you closer as if the entire universe was holding its breath, waiting to hear what he wanted to say.

Was this it?

You felt that familiar tension you always felt with him—like right before lightning strikes. Just as his lips parted to speak again, the chef's voice cut through the silence like a bolt of lightning. 

“How's the bruschetta coming along over there, lovebirds?”

You and Trent jerked back, the spell between you breaking as you turned towards her. Trent was clearly thrown off and it was kind of funny. “Uh, right. The bruschetta,” he sounded like he was trying to shake off the intensity of the moment. You laughed, your tension easing once you saw the frustrated look in his eyes. He leaned into you, whispering in your ear. “I swear, worst timing ever.” You giggled, shaking your head. “The universe is just having a laugh at us, no?”

“Or keeping us on our toes,” he joked. “I guess it wants me to wait a little bit before I say what I really want to.” Whatever he was about to say wasn't forgotten...just postponed.

You both turned back to the partially assembled bruschetta, although his eyes were on you a lot more than they were on the tomatoes. Every time your hands brushed against his, you felt your skin tingle, reminding you of what almost happened. 

Eventually, you managed to pull it off pretty well. Sure, it was just toasted bread with toppings but it looked delicious. “See? I told you I knew how to cook,” Trent said with a smirk as he slid the bruschetta onto a plate. “Umm, let's not get carried away. All you did was chop some tomatoes and toast bread.” He nudged you with his shoulder lightly, “Ah, just wait til we get to a real challenge like the pasta.”

“Can't wait to see that disaster,” you teased, moving on to the next dish. The chef brought over a bowl of flour, eggs, and oil as she explained the technique of mixing it by hand. “Knead it just right. Don't be afraid to get messy, it's part of the fun!” You saw Trent's eyes light up as soon as the words 'messy' and 'fun' were mentioned. You were in danger, girl.

You made a well in the flour for the eggs as you followed the chef's instructions intently, but Trent was less focused on perfection. He dove straight into the flour, sending small flour cloud puffs into the air. “Slow down!” you shrieked, laughing as you tried to fix the pile of flour that was spilling over the counter. He grinned mischievously before grabbing a small handful of flour and tossed it in your direction. It hit you on the shoulder as a cloud of white dust settled on your outfit.

“Trent, I swear to god–”

He grabbed more flour before you were able to finish your sentence and flicked it at you. You grabbed a huge handful in retaliation, hitting his shirt, his hair, and half his face. “Oh, that's how it is?” he wiped some flour off his cheek, grinning like a kid in a candy store. You tried to dodge his next attempt but he was moving quicker than you were, setting off a flour warfare. Your face scrunched up, both of you laughing so hard you could barely breathe. “We have to clean this up later,” you warned. He stepped closer, dusting some flour off your shoulders. “Yeah, yeah I know.”

Unbeknownst to you, the chef had pulled out her phone and recorded the entire thing. “You two are too cute! Don’t mind me..just getting this for the ‘gram.” You hesitated for a second, wondering how this would look to everyone watching online. The thought of it made your anxiety start to creep in, but then you glanced at Trent. He looked absolutely ridiculous and had flour all over him, yet he was still grinning ear to ear. Suddenly, it didn’t feel like a big deal anymore. You were having the time of your life, and you didn’t care to think about the specifics of it at the time.

Eventually, you both managed to get back to the dough. Shared laughter filled the studio as you both struggled to knead the pasta into shape. You managed to pull it together before moving on to prepare the chocolate soufflé. There was no funny business this time, you both worked perfectly in sync before placing the soufflé in the oven. 

While the soufflé baked, you and Trent sat down at the table to enjoy the bruschetta and pasta. There were soft flickerings of candlelight which would have been romantic under most circumstances, but the fact that both of you were covered in flour made it feel like the goofiest thing ever. Trent’s shirt was basically covered and you had flour all over your face. You couldn’t stop the fit of giggles every time you looked at each other.

“This is a good look for us,” Trent said, chuckling as he wiped a bit of flour from your cheek. “Ready for me to post our masterpiece?” You hesitated for a second before smiling. The lightness of the evening still had you on cloud nine. “Yeah go ahead. It’s just a plate of pasta, right?” He pulled out his phone, snapping a picture of plated food on the table before posting it to his story. You weren't really in the shot. The only thing that could be seen was the tiniest sliver of hair in the frame, but the flour coated mess in the background was obvious. 

Just a harmless picture, you figured. There was no way the chef’s video would go viral. She wasn’t too well known, plus, the night had been too fun to worry about all the little details. It was just a plate of food, right? 

But then again… the internet was the internet.

In record time, your phone started pinging. Again…and then again. Frowning, you picked up your phone as the notifications came flooding in faster than you could process. Trent glanced over with his eyebrows raised in curiosity.

“All good?”

You swiped open Instagram, immediately noticing SpillTheBeansUK had already reposted Trent's story, along with the chef's video. The video featured you and Trent in a fit of laughter while covered in flour, and people were connecting the dots faster than you imagined:

@.SpillTheBeansUK 👀 Looks like TAA’s mystery girl @.yourusername strikes again! The flour fight, the looks, the vibes..this is more than just a date. When’s the wedding?

@.ChillOutMate its giving hard launch but im shy

@.TAA_Angel03 Girly you’re feeding MY MAN well so you’re good in my book. But Trent..please come home we can fix this baby

@.InTheStands92 T isn’t subtle with his story at all LOL. He may as well have tagged her

@.CuppaT66 Man tried so hard not to reveal and still failed lmao

@.Y2KBabe20 Is this a soft launch or hard launch? confused but INVESTED

@.TeamHardLaunch ok, fuck a soft launch.. when is the wedding

@.YNGotFansNow The chef really did us a solid here. We needed this update!! But the fact they still don’t follow each other is driving me mad 😩

@.YNperfume_fan I wonder what scent Y/N wore for this date night? Something gourmand to match the vibe I bet.

@.ConspiracyBabe they’re not gonna hard launch until Y/N’s new fragrance collection drops. She’s gonna tie it all together and Trent’s gonna promote it. This is all PR strategy. 👀

@.FootieStan08 I want to hate but the way they’re looking at each other in that video is so cute. Fuming tho 😤

@.GossipLuvr ‘The Wait’  a fragrance by Y/N. Notes of suspense and slow burn angst. 😂

@.YNPerfumeJunkie not me refreshing her website just in case a surprise perfume launch happens after this date night 😭

@.TeamYNOfficial liking the chef’s post and then posting his own like we can’t piece it all together. You’re so obvious T

@.LoyalTStan wait…someone said they’ve been married for a year but keeping it private. I saw it on a forum  👀 

@.GirlWhatLies A YEAR?? sis they’ve been publicly spotted together like 2 times. Where are you getting this info??! lmao wtf

You handed the phone to Trent, who couldn’t stop laughing as he scrolled through the comments. “Man, these people are wild.”

“Right?” you replied, still giggling. “They’re already planning our wedding and we haven’t even had dessert yet.”

“I guess we’ll have to tell them to RSVP at a later date...” You scrunched up your eyebrows, giving Trent a confused look. “Huh? What are you on about?”

“We can’t have people RSVPing to our wedding if we’re not official yet, right?” he said, with a smug smile. Your brain was struggling to catch up with what was happening. 

You blinked, completely taken aback as you realized. “Wait..are you asking me—”

Just as you were beginning to clarify—and possibly answer his question, a shrill, ear splitting beep filled the air followed by the blaring of a smoke alarm. You both whipped your heads toward the oven. 

*BEEP!

!BEEP*

*BEEP!

!BEEP*

“Oh! The soufflé!” you yelped, eyes wide with panic. Trent’s laughter erupted beside you, both of you jumped out of your chairs, scrambling towards a chaotic mess of flour and panic. You grabbed a towel, frantically waving it near the alarm as the smell of burnt chocolate filled the air. The noise was so loud and annoying you could barely think, let alone hear anyone over the noise.

“IT’S BURNT!” you yelled over the blaring alarm, waving the towel harder.

Trent, still chuckling, quickly grabbed oven mitts and yanked open the oven door. “YEAH, NO SHIT!” he shouted, barely containing his laughter.

The whole thing was hilarious, truly. There was flour still clinging to both of you while smoke billowed from the oven, the alarm was blaring like a screaming toddler, and your phone was still pinging with notifications. Throughout all the chaos, it felt like your body was pumped with pure adrenaline. You knew what you wanted to say, and you needed to say it now.

“YES!” you screamed at the top of your lungs, continuing to fan the towel wildly. “I’LL BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND!” 

Trent whipped his head around, a huge grin spread across his face but the noise was so deafening he clearly misheard you. “YEAH! WE’LL CLEAN THE OVEN AFTER THIS!”

You blinked, caught off guard by his response. “WHAT? NO!! I SAID I’LL BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND!”

Trent stared at you for a second as your words connected in his head, then he burst into hysterical laughter while taking the oven mitts off. “OHHHH! GIRLFRIEND, NOT OVEN! THAT MAKES SENSE!”

You were laughing too now, the absurdity of the situation hitting you all at once. “YES! YOUR GIRLFRIEND, SILLY!”

Without missing a beat, Trent crossed the smoky kitchen in a few quick steps and grabbed you by the waist, pulling you into a deep fiery kiss. The fire alarm was still blaring while the smell of burnt chocolate filled the room, but none of it mattered. His hands held you close, your flour covered fingers gripping the front of his shirt as you kissed him back with just as much urgency.

Somewhere in the background, the chef stood with her arms crossed, smiling like she witnessed the greatest love story she had ever seen. She made no move to stop the chaos. She just let it unfold like she knew this was exactly how it was supposed to happen.

When you finally broke the kiss, you were both breathless and laughing as you tried to catch your breath. The alarm continued to screech dramatically.

“WELL,” Trent yelled, still holding onto you, “THAT’S ONE WAY TO MAKE IT OFFICIAL!”

You laughed, pulling him closer. “DEFINITELY NOT WHAT I IMAGINED!”

He grinned, his voice teasing. “BUT YOU SAID YES! A WIN IS A WIN BABY!”

As the fire alarm finally died down, and the chef gave you both a thumbs-up from across the room and you knew one thing for sure: 

The whole situation was perfectly imperfect in the best way..and it was yours.

After helping the chef clean up the studio kitchen, you and Trent headed back to your apartment for some much needed alone time. Flour still clung to your clothes as you stepped inside, but Trent didn't seem to care. The moment he heard the door click, his hands found your waist to pull you close. The way he gripped you was so needy, like he had been waiting to have you alone all night. He wasted no time pulling you into a hungry kiss as his hands made their way down to knead your ass. 

“Shower?” you whispered against his lips, barely managing to pull away.

“I won’t say no to that,” he winked, clearly having more intentions than just a shower.

You both tossed your flour covered clothes aside quickly before stepping into the shower. The water cascaded over your skin as it washed away the remaining remnants of the chaotic date night. Trent's hands immediately found their place, cemented onto your hips to pull you close to him from behind. 

He murmured against your neck, "Y'know..I had a good time tonight.”

You turned your head as your breath caught slightly from his hands sliding up your sides, his fingers tracing the curves on your body. "Mmm, me too." His lips moved to your shoulder as you felt heat rush to your core. You tilted your head and rested it on his shoulder when his hands moved lower, teasing the skin above your thighs.

"Trent please.." you whimpered, voice filled with desperation. “I need you.” His fingers immediately found their way between your legs, slipping inside you in a slow and deliberate motion. You gasped, clutching his arm to steady yourself as he curled his fingers inside of you with the perfect rhythm.

“You like that?” Trent whispered against your ear in a low and erotic voice, clearly enjoying the way your body reacted to his fingers. You moaned softly, biting your lip as you nodded. “Y-yesss.” 

His other hand slid up to cup your breast, his thumb brushing over your nipple sending sparks of fire coursing through you. “You’re so wet for me, baby,” he said, moving his fingers faster and deeper. 

You moaned in response, your body arching into his touch as the water streamed over both of you. The tension in your core tightened and you could feel yourself teetering on the brink of seventh heaven. Just as you were getting close to falling over the edge, a sudden thought blared in your mind—the shop.

Your eyes flew open, a sudden panic rising in your chest. 

Fuck, did I turn off the equiptment?! 

Your mind started racing as the anxiety came in full throttle. You hated when this happened. Always thinking about the next thing, especially right now, frustrated the hell out of you. Trent felt your body tense up and his hand immediately froze in place. “Shit..did I hurt you? I'm sorry.”

“No, no,” you quickly reassured him. “I think I forgot to turn something off at Love Notes. I need to go check, like right now.”

Trent stared at you, looking like he was caught between desire and confusion. “Now???”

“Yes, now! I can’t leave it on overnight.” you said, pulling away as you stepped out to quickly dry off and get dressed. Trent sighed, running his hand over his neck. “Only you would remember that right now, Y/N.”

“Sorry,” you mouthed, feeling guilty for letting your mind ruin the moment.

By the time you arrived at Les Notes d'Amour it was late, really late. The streets were basically empty and the shop was dark with the exception of dim lighting that illuminated the displays. You headed straight back to where the equipment was, relief washing over you when you saw nothing had gone wrong. The machinery had been off the entire time. You took a deep breath, double checking everything again to make sure you weren’t losing your mind. Trent stood nearby, leaning on the doorframe and looking completely relaxed like always. “Better?”

“Much better. Thanks for coming with me” you smiled, feeling the weight lift off your shoulders.

“No problem..” he said, stepping closer. “now since we’re here..”

You raised your eyebrow, curious. “What??” 

He grinned, a familiar glint of mischief dancing in his eyes. “How about we make that aftershave we talked about?”

“Right now? You’re serious?”

“Yeah,” he said, leaning against the counter. “We’re already here anyway. Let's do it.”

You rolled your eyes playfully as you grabbed your perfume diary and some of your favorite oils. You immediately went into your element, gathering ingredients as Trent wandered around the shop. He occasionally picked up a bottle, sniffing it with curiosity.

“So..” he said, coming to stand next to you, “whatcha got?”

You explained the process as you went along, handing him different oils to smell. He made a funny face at some, but others seemed to catch his interest. You walked him through the idea of base notes, heart notes, and top notes. “I want something warm,” Trent said confidently. “Not too heavy, a little fresh.” You nodded, pulling together ingredients based on his preferences. “How about lavender? It's light and fresh. We can mix it with something like apple and spice for warmth.” While working, you mixed in a note of vanilla, cedar, and sandalwood to round the scent out—it was smooth yet bold as a testament to his calm confidence. While you were busy scribbling the formula down on a sticky note, Trent wandered over with a pen, flipping to a blank page in your notebook to write a note. 

He started doodling in soft strokes as he sketched a small eclipse. The delicate lines formed a shadow of the moon crossing in front of the sun. He hesitated for a second before writing the words that had been on his mind since Paris.

I want you for as long as the stars shine. - T

You were still mixing oils on the far end of the room looking like a mad scientist. He glanced over at you to make sure you were still distracted as he closed the notebook, hiding his little secret for you to find later. When you turned back around, Trent was leaning against the counter looking too innocent. You raised your eyebrow, knowing something was up. “What are you up to?”

“Nothing,” he said with a cheeky grin spreading across his face. “Just letting my girl work her magic.” You narrowed your eyes playfully, still smiling. “I know you’re up to no good..” You eyed him suspiciously but decided to let it slide. “Okay sneaky, what do you think of the scent?” Trent took a deep breath, taking in the warm fragrance.

“Oh nah..what is this..?” he yelped, pulling the bottle away from his face dramatically. Your heart sank for a millisecond before you saw the corners of his mouth twitching. He was just fucking with you.

“Stop fucking around,” you said, rolling you eyes. “You're the worst liar ever.”

He started cracking up before pulling you into a quick hug. “You got me. But nah..you did amazing. I love it.” You pulled away from him, crossing your arms as you pretended to be annoyed. In reality, you were loving the way he was hyping you up. “You're so annoying, I swear.”

“Yeah, a little bit,” he grinned, leaning in to kiss your cheek. “What are we going to name it?”

You paused, thinking for a moment before looking at the bottle. This part of the process was the most fun, naming your creation to describe the meaning beyond the bottle. “What about Rêveur?” you asked, the name rolling off your tongue easily. 

“What’s that?” he asked inquisitively. 

“Dreamer,” you replied with a soft smile. “It's perfect for you. You already made so many of your dreams come true.” Trent was silent but when he finally spoke, his voice lost its usual playfulness. “Hmm..Rêveur..” he repeated as he nodded. “I like that. Dreamer..yeah, that's perfect.”

As the name hung in the air, Trent set the bottle aside as his eyes darkened with admiration..and something more primal. You barely finished naming the scent before his arms were circling around your waist, his lips ghosting over your neck. “You're amazing, you know?” You opened your mouth to respond but your words were caught in your throat as his lips claimed yours in a hungry kiss. His hands roamed your body as he walked you backward until your body hit the display counter. Your perfume bottles rattled but you didn't care, all you could focus on was the heat pooling between your legs, the sensation of his touch, his lips moving from your mouth to your neck, then lower, lower...

“Trent..” you gasped, gripping the edge of the counter. He pulled back, dropping to his knees with confidence. “You made something for me, yeah? I think I need to reward you.”

Your pulse quickened as his hands slid up your thighs, pulling off the tiny shorts you had thrown on after your shower earlier. He hooked his fingers under your panties and dragged them down agonisingly slow before locking his eyes on yours, daring you to stop him.

You couldn't think clearly around this man, so there was no way you were stopping him. In fact, you needed him to keep going, and quickly.

“You deserve this,” he whispered as he kissed your inner thigh, sending a chill through you. His words made your breath hitch, but then his mouth was on you and you felt your whole world tilt. His tongue moved in perfect rhythm, flicking, teasing, and sucking until your knees buckled. You gripped the counter for support, gasping his name as he held you in place. Every stroke of his tongue brought you closer to ecstasy.

“F-fuck, that feels so good,” you could barely get the words out due to his tongue’s relentless assault on your pussy. He hummed against you and the vibrations had you seeing stars. His hands gripped your thighs tighter to hold you steady. You could feel the pressure twisting, tightening, building until you couldn't take it anymore. You were teetering on the edge of a devastatingly perfect orgasm as your body begged for release. He pulled back just enough to murmur against your skin, “Let go, baby. I wanna taste you when you cum.”

You arched your back against the counter, moaning his name as your orgasm tore through you like a wildfire. It was so intense that it was almost unbearable, but he didn't stop. His tongue was working you through the aftershocks to draw out every bit of pleasure until you were completely undone. When he finally pulled away, he rose to his feet with a cocky grin.

“Best aftershave I ever made,” you panted, trying to catch your breath.

Trent laughed, cupping your chin with his hands as he murmured against your lips, deep with affection. “Thank you.”

No. Thank YOU, you thought to yourself.

The way he looked at you made your heart race, but your mind started racing too as the warmth of the moment faded. A feeling of uneasiness stirred inside you. For a second you smiled at him, but the weight of everything you hadn't told him yet crept up and threatened to pull you down like a rip current. If you were going to have something real with him, you needed to be completely honest. He needed to know the truth. 

About you. About everything.

“Trent..” you began in a shaky voice. You pulled away, gesturing around the room. “This...all of this..is like my baby. It's the only thing I've ever truly had control over in my life.”

His brow furrowed, sensing the shift in your mood. “What do you mean?”

You ran a hand through your hair, sighing as you tried to find the right words. “I wasn't always like this. Successful, I mean. I almost lost all of it. Everything I built...all of this.” You gestured around the room again. “Because of him.”

“..Who?”

“My ex,” you spoke quietly, not wanting his name to linger on your tongue at all. “He was older..successful, charming..all of that. It was everything I thought I wanted, well–everything my parents wanted for me.” You swallowed thickly, the memories rushing back like ghosts haunting you.

“I thought the ups and downs were just a part of starting something new, y'know? I thought the struggles were normal but they weren't. He sabotaged me.” Trent's jaw clenched as he sat up straighter, turning his full attention to you. “He didn't want me to have something of my own,” you continued, your voice trembling. “He wanted a young trophy wife..someone he could parade around with at events. He seemed so established..so powerful. I guess I was drawn to that.”

Trent's hand tensed on your leg, “What did he do?”

The words started spilling out before you could stop them. “He fucked everything up. He stole some of my clients and pulled them into his failing business ventures. He shared ideas I was working on with competitors..he wanted to destroy me. He hated that I had ‘Love Notes’. He wanted me to feel like I needed him.” You paused as the bitter taste of the memory made your throat tight. “And I was so stupid..I stayed. Because my parents were so proud of me for being with him. They thought he was perfect. They wanted me to have this perfect life and if I walked away..I knew they'd be disappointed.”

He nodded, silently giving you more time to open up at your own pace.

You could feel tears welling up but you pushed them back. “I thought I had to keep up appearances because it was what everyone expected. Every day I stayed..I lost more of myself. My business was crumbling..my confidence didn't exist. And I didn't even realize it was because of him.” You paused, taking a deep breath. “It wasn't until Camille stepped in that I really started to see how fucked everything was. She saw right through him and hated him from the start…but she never pushed me. She just waited until I was ready.”

Trent looked at you with a mix of concern and admiration. He was being so patient with you. “Camille pulled every string she could to get me away from him. She cut off every business tie he had. Her family–they're connected in ways I don't even fully understand myself..but they made sure he wouldn't come near me again.” 

To be honest, they were the only reason your life wasn’t in shambles right now. 

“I owe her everything,” you admitted quietly. 

“Camille is a real one,” Trent said quietly, still taking in what you had just told him.

“Yeah, she is,” you agreed. “She warned me not to fall too fast for you but–” Trent's eyes softened as he pulled you into him. “I'm not him, Y/N. You don't have to worry about that. He sounds like a piece of shit.”

“I know..but it's hard,” you whispered, feeling the comfort of his words wash over you. “I have this fear that I'm not enough. Like–I'm going to mess everything up. And you're...you. You made all your dreams come true and I'm trying to keep my head above water half the time.”

Trent's thumb moved to your cheek, wiping away a tear that fell down. “Nah, it's not like that,” he said quietly. “I feel pressure constantly. Everyone expects me to win every match, be the best on and off the pitch. I feel like I'm not enough sometimes too.” You didn't really expect him to open up like this, at least not right now. You didn't know he felt the same kind of weight you carried. “You don't show it,” you muttered. "You always seem so confident like you have it all together.”

He smiled but there was a hint of sadness in his brown eyes. “Yeah, I'm good at hiding it. I have to be. Can't show your weakness when the whole world is watching.”

“I just don't want to lose myself,” you admitted in a small voice. “I can't go through that again.” Trent pulled you into a warm embrace to ground you. “I’m not going to hurt you Y/N. Just tell me what you need and I'll give it to you.”

“I want to believe that, but I'm scared of what it means to be with you. I'm scared of messing up and not being enough for you.” Trent kissed your cheek, continuing to hold you close to him. “You don't need to be perfect Y/N. I don't need that..I just need you.” For a moment, you stayed wrapped in his arms as the weight of what was said filled the room. “You won't lose yourself,” he whispered. “Not with me.”

Maybe Trent was right. You clawed your way out of hell a year and a half ago. Despite your short time together, he made you feel something no one else ever had, especially not your god awful ex. Trent wanted you to believe you deserved every little good thing coming your way. He wanted you to see yourself the way others did, and he wasn't going to stop until you finally saw it too.

The drive back to your place was quiet but not awkward; both of you needed a minute to process everything. Trent's hand rested on it's usual place–your thigh. Every once in a while he would give your leg a reassuring squeeze to remind you he was right there and not going anywhere. You glanced at him, noticing his brow was furrowed like he was deep in thought. He seemed like he was mulling over everything you told him and it made you feel vulnerable..but it felt safe. You were thankful you didn't have to speak right now, both of you just existing in comfortable silence together after a heavy conversation.

Meanwhile, Trent's brain was running a mile a minute. What you told him about your ex had him fuming, he couldn't believe someone would do that to you. He didn't show it though. He knew how evil some people could be, and the fact that someone nearly made you lose everything made his stomach turn. And then there was the pressure he knew all too well–the public eye. He was used to it, but the idea of you facing that kind of attention made him want to wrap you in bubble wrap. He was protective.. maybe more than he should have been, but it was clear he didn't want anyone to hurt you again..not even him.

“Are you okay?” you asked quietly, breaking the silence. He glanced at you with his hand still resting on your thigh. “Yeah, I'm just thinking.”

“Thinking about???”

“You,” he admitted in a soft voice. “You're strong for getting out of that mess and building a life for yourself.” You swallowed, throat tight with emotion. “But Camille, she–”

“Yeah, I know,” he cut you off gently. “You didn't let him win though, and that says a lot about who you are as a person.” You didn't know how to respond to his statement so you just nodded, feeling your chest warm up at his words.

As you stepped inside your apartment, the quietness of the night settled around you. Trent followed close behind, which made everything feel more secure. You turned to face him, feeling the weight of everything you shared earlier. “Tonight was a lot,” you said, giving him a tired smile. He nodded, stepping closer. “Yeah, maybe. But I'm glad you told me.” 

You sighed, feeling exhaustion hit you at once. “You needed to know.” His hands found your waist and pulled you into him, “I’m still not going anywhere, Y/N.” You rested your head against his chest, letting his heartbeat soothe your thoughts. “I'm so sleepy,” you muttered against his shirt. “Let's get some sleep then, yeah? It’s late,” he said softly, guiding you to the bed. 

Once you climbed in, you fell asleep nearly instantly as Trent wrapped his arm protectively around you. Your phones were still pinging with notifications, they never really stopped honestly. Trent glanced at the screen as more people pieced together your 'soft launch'—if you could even call it that. He smirked to himself, shaking his head at the chaos that ensued tonight. He reached over gently, grabbing both phones and put them on silent.

While the two of you rested, the world outside hadn't stopped. The internet sleuths were in full force, your phones pinging silently as notifications poured in. The aftermath of tonight's not-so-subtle soft launch had the internet working overtime, piecing together clues you didn't realize were even there.

@.TarotQueenMystic Just pulled some cards for Trent and Y/N: ‘The Lovers’, ‘The Tower’, and ‘Nine of Swords’. This connection is seriously intense but they're about to hit a turning point. ‘The Lovers’ card shows a true deep bond..but ‘The Tower’? That's a warning. Something is about to shake up their world for sure. ‘Nine of Swords’ shows some sleepless nights ahead. Things are definitely going to go up in smoke before they get better! Something or someone could bring it all down, but it’s all a part of the universe’s plan. Stay tuned 🔮✨

@.FanFicReality ngl it feels like we’re being edged bc wtf is this supposed to mean? hello???

@.premierleagueprincess i was today years old when i realised i need a tarot reader on speed dial for my ship omg!!

@.LFCQueen Not the tower card...ain’t that the one where everything goes to shit? 😳

@.soccerchicTX I knew something felt cosmic about them! The lovers card is fate babes. They’re endgame if they can get through this

@.TuberosaConspiracy Omg guys Y/N uses tuberose in almost every collection. It’s all about intense love and dangerous attraction. Coincidence? I think NOT!!!

@.ImTalkingToYouReaders Tuberose means WHAT?!! We’ve been sleeping on these perfume easter eggs!!

im glad y’all told me u wanted angst bc now i’m feeling a bit chaotic 🥳

thank you for reading! 💌

[thesoulspulse]

Danny Phantom Randomness (Principal Masters)

Not sure if this idea has been used in the phandom before, probably not since it’s a pretty common for the principal of a school in a cartoon to be the antagonist in some way, but I thought I’d share it anyways. So here’s what I’m thinking. Personally I think it would have made a lot more sense for Vlad to switch tactics and double down on trying to win Danny over instead of going full cookie-cutter-bad-guy-that-wants-to-rule-the-world after cloning him failed which would make him realize that his little badger really is one of a kind and what he has can’t be replicated.

Up until this point Vlad’s been making Danny’s life more difficult instead of easier which was his whole sales pitch when they first met...

Vlad: Daniel, stop. Think about the things I could show you, the doors I could open for you. You, Danny Phantom, and I, Vlad Plasmius. Together, we could rule.

Then there’s these comments Vlad made to Danny in Reign Storm...

Vlad: Sneak attack, very good, Daniel.You're getting more like me with every battle.

Danny: I AM NOTHING LIKE YOU!

Vlad: Oh, you're not? Using your powers to get back at people you don't like? Throwing the first punch? You're more like me than you know.

I’m so disappointed this didn’t develop into something more interesting where Danny starts to genuinely worry he’s becoming too much like Vlad which would have made the events of The Ultimate Enemy twice as cool because it’d be like a glimpse of that reality where he’d actually become worse than Vlad. But, back to the topic at hand! I’ve mentioned this in a few of my fanfics but I think the whole cloning thing was more of a desperate attempt to get Danny on his side since Vlad never really made any serious attempts to tempt him to join willingly and just spent the whole time bashing Jack and telling Danny he’d be a better father.

With that in mind, rather than being a petty rich bully after Danny gets Vlad’s mansion destroyed in Season 3 what if Vlad decided to put his foot down to “re-educate” him so to speak? What I mean by that is instead of running for Mayor of Amity Park, why didn’t Vlad try to replace the principal of Casper High? For one thing it would have ACTUALLY made sense because the position doesn’t require living somewhere for more than 6 months and its purely based on their education and teaching experience. And I think overshadowing the right people on a smaller scale would make it more believable than the whole Mayor thing.

Vlad could of course still be a jerk about a lot of things to get back at Danny like force the whole dress code thing, however, it would have been an interesting twist if when Danny comes to Vlad to apologize and ask for a truce he graciously accepts which totally throws Danny for a loop. Why? Because that was the plan all along! Vlad wanted Danny to learn there are consequences to his actions, realized that fighting him is counterproductive, and on top of that, to actually show how much easier he could make Danny’s life by letting him become a part of it.

Honestly, I absolutely love the idea of him unexpectedly becoming the cranky overprotective type kind of like what you see in this amazing comic strip by @lilianade-comics​: https://www.tumblr.com/lilianade-comics/703807353584320512/aw-man-dont-you-hate-it-when-your-arch-enemy?source=share

Think about it. If Vlad started to make Jack look bad without actively insulting him to make Danny finally get fed up with being hunted by his parents to the point where he’d reluctantly go there just to catch his breath once the two of them agree to a cease fire. Trouble with the high school bullies? In comes Uncle Vlad who happens to be the richest man in the world and a close personal friend of the Fenton family so Danny’s off limits. Ghost attack? Vlad helps cover up Danny disappearing to fight them or even scares them off if he has an important test that day. The list goes on on what Vlad could do to either make Danny’s life a living hell in a more personalized way by invading his school life or a lot better depending on their interactions at Casper High.

Long story short its basically using the idea that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar and all that so seeing Vlad gradually start doing nice things for Danny from time to time might help change his tune. Because deep down Danny DOES want to learn more about being half-ghost, but he refuses to accept Vlad’s offer to join him because he hasn’t really done anything to make it appealing. Vlad’s always insulting Danny and his father so if you ask me, giving him the praise he doesn’t get at home or at school could change so much between them...

Vlad’s just gotta be smarter about it.

Obviously Danny would be suspicious if Vlad started acting too nice to him right away so the changes would be gradual. And whenever he goes to Vlad for help or at the very least asks if he’ll cut him some slack Vlad will reward him for coming to him first. Especially because unlike his parents, Vlad knows exactly how much he’s dealing with and I’d love it if what started off as a plan to manipulate Danny transformed into an actual student and mentor relationship leading into a redemption arc instead of whatever Season 3 was.

And there you have it. Principal Masters AU anyone?

[insertsomthinawesome]

I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!! Okay so honestly I have been very very inconsistent over the years with just disappearing for periods of time due to various things 😂 So it probably seemed pretty normal to most people.

But it felt different on my side, so I'm excited to be back in business. I took a month long hiatus! 31 days of not drawing digital art. Its not something I talk about on here? But I've been suffering from some serious long term Art Burnout for.... a really really long time. Long enough that I should've taken a break probably years ago. It finally got so bad that I could barely draw. I was scared to do it (cause it always looked "bad" in my eyes [i'll come back to that]) and doing it was exhausting and disheartening.

I talked it over with somebody and realized that the fear and anger and frustration I felt towards my own artwork was uh. Not Normal or Healthy. And I finally committed to taking a real break for once.

I still drew a little bit by hand? Traditional art has always felt like it has lower stakes for me (i don't often share it online, and sometimes I don't even share it with friends) so I did some of that when I felt like it. But Digital art was completely off the table.

I had put such an immense pressure on myself to make my digital art perfect, to make as much of it as quickly as possible to satisfy something. It wasn't fun anymore. I'm proud of what i've made over the years! But for a long time now the stuff I've been making was made while hating every second of making it. With some rare exceptions.

I hated my art! It was a combination of Perfectionism, taking in too many external expectations, and the burnout. If you hate doing something its kinda hard to love it even when you want too lol. It wasn't "Bad" in the sense that the quality was low and it was ugly! It was "Bad" in the sense that it was unhealthy for me to keep doing it at that point in time.

I'm glad to report though, that with my hiatus officially over as of Wednesday last week: I am once again. In Love. With doing art, and being an artist :)

I put off taking a break for years cause I was scared that taking a break would mean that I would never achieve all the things I wanted to do with art. I was scared it was a stupid and lazy thing to do that would mean I'd never achieve my dreams. And Also even though I kinda hated drawing, I also loved making art. Its a weird duality that I can't even really explain??? I hated it but I also loved it. I wanted it but I also wanted to run from it. It wasn't until I was more mature and had more clarity and insight (and unfortunately also until the problems got worse) that I was finally able to let go of those fears and just do it.

And I'm really really glad I did. It was everything I needed. And I hope to strike a better balance in the future with art. Taking more breaks when I need them, or just when other things have my attention like reading or Video games (Some star rail got played during this time xD)

From the outside things probably aren't going to be that different?? At this point I don't really have any sure plans to post anything I've been drawing since my Hiatus ended. I might or I might not xD I'm still a hobbyist artist taking things at her own pace, but I hope that it shows how much happier I am :)

Whumptober 2023 is being officially put to rest by this post btw! I was in major burnout when that event started, and I'm ready to just, move on from all the past expectations I'd shoved on my shoulders. If I feel like filling any of the prompts or going back to any of the ideas I'd come up for it I will! But I'm not going to worry about doing it unless the desire sets in. Thanks to everybody who's been so kind to me throughout my time on here as an artist! Ya'lls tags and screaming and kind words, the fanfic, the asks and the responses? Its been fantastic :) You guys have made me laugh, smile, and cry tears of joy. I hope from here that things only get better and sweeter! And if I have bad days again, that's okay too.

Here's to 2024 and whatever it may bring ya'll :D 🎉🎉✨✨🧡💜

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I an asshole for making fun of someone’s name and interests but then apologizing? I (16M) recently became friends with some people in my lunch hour. They are Z (17NB), M (18NB) and K (17M). M is dating A (18FTM), who i have met twice and had maybe two brief convos with, and he seemed sweet at the time. However, A is friends with the whole group, so they all know him and talk about him. We have joked in the past about the fact that A has the same nickname as one of my other friends. For the sake of fake names, lets say the nickname is Alex. I refer to my friend as Alex and Z,M, and K all call their friend Alex too. However, one day i called my friend by his full name- again, fake name, but lets say- Alexander. M makes fun of my friends name, saying its a bad name. In retaliation I jokingly say ‘your partners name is worse!’. A’s full name is a different spelling of a rather nice name, for this lets say its Alexyus (like Alexis). I mention that i like the name alexis, just say “but who spells it with a y!”. I also add, “plus theyre literally a dsmp and homestuck fan!”. OKAY BEAR WITH ME! i will fully accept and admit that thus far i have been an asshole. It wasnt okay for M to make fun of my friends name, but it also wasnt okay for me to make fun of their partner.

Anyways- no one seemed too upset by it in the moment, but later when i got home i received messages from M, K, and A. M’s had some odd sort of long copy pasta which basically said i hope you suffer, but it felt like a joke to me so just responded withh “i aint reading all that”. K’s message was wild tho- he said “i was just hoping you would kill yourself, overdose, hang yourself, or even just cut ur wrists. what is wrong with you, you fing freak!”. which is… wow! After i read the message i saw him edit it to add a “/jay” (meaning joking) at the end, but the original message had no indication of it being a joke. However, i accepted it as a joke because…. Why would he tell me to kill myself lol…. Anyways, A’s message was polite and formal, asking to talk about something i said earlier at lunch (A isnt in our lunch, he wasnt there when i made the comment about his name, but i assume M or K told him). I respond equally politely and we had a good conversation about it, i realized that it wasnt at all my place to make thats jokes or poke fun at A in that way, and i apologized. A said it was all good and honestly i was impressed with their forgiveness and maturity. I hoped A and i could become potential friends in the future, even. I was still peeved that K literally told me to commit suicide, but whatever yknow. The next few days at lunch were awkward but my other friend, Z, and me mostly just didnt talk to M and K. At some point my other friend, who i told about this, mentioned to K kinda offhandedly like “yo it was kinda fucked up u told (me) to kill himself..” and K informed us that he actually didnt send the message, it was A on his phone. M corroborated this story and then we left, but i was honestly so shocked.

Now i dislike and feel uncomfortable around M, K and A (although not Z, who agreed that what the rest of them did was not okay), because to me it feels like they all were okay and agreement of the message. But ultimately i’m really conflicted- it was definitely wrong of me to make fun of A (even if it was not meant to be serious, i dont know A well enough to joke like that), but i feel like telling me to kms is unjustified. Maybe it all is stupid drama tho, and i should just let it go?

*** i forgot to add- if its worth noting, since A is trans, he chose his own name, and mentioned that was one of the reasons he was specifically upset. Should i have not made fun of his name because i know he chose it himself? (Idk if it matters but my friend alexander is also trans and chose his name too. Also i love him and his name to death so maybe thats why i was specifically defensive of it.) but anyways:

Am i the asshole? Are we all assholes?

What are these acronyms?

[silentmajesticfox]

Bellyache

Chapter I: coming home

A/N: its been so long since ive wrote something, and in my drunk brain i felt i could start a series. if its ass, please let me know. i will always take the criticism and also- i just needed to push myself and think maybe its worth it., Gojo is always worth it. i hope whoever reads this enjoys, and t6hank you. <3

Y/N was finally back in Tokyo, coming all the way from Europe, as she had went on a vacation in a sense, it was mainly to learn more techniques around the world and to clear her mind, finally doing some things she dreamed of, she never thought this day would come where she would allow herself to be back here. A lot of people were crowded, conversations buzzing, and car horns going off in the sunset as she crossed the street to go to the bar and food place she had liked going with Shoko for years. She was quite nervous to see her best-friend, though they had kept in close contact.

 It has been about a year since Suguru Geto died, and a little less than a year since she saw that white haired, he-who-shall-not-be-named, asshole. It was like loosing a best friend, and a lover all in one consecutive week.. y/n and Satoru had had an on and off relationship for the past 11 years, from puppy love all the way to a more serious relationship at certain points, even marriage and children had been considered. But what honestly made her leave, was there last interaction and most recent break-up..

*flashback, one year ago*

                Satoru and y/n were sitting on the stairs outside of the school, they had been sitting in silence for about ten minutes, staring off into the trees and the sky, and avoiding looking at eachother. She clears her throat, knowing it is out of character for Satoru not to say anything for even five minutes, his whole demeanor had changed and he was deep in thought, she felt like she wasn’t even there.

His blue eyes dart over to her, he didn’t need the six eyes to see she was struggling and having internal conflict with herself. However, with everything that had transpired, he really didn’t care anymore, having lost the only best friend he ever had, it was like a chunk of his life essence was stripped from him all over again. “Hm…?” Was all he could muster up, still staring at her. Y/n kind of looked shocked as her eyes met his beautiful blue ones, she mustered up a fake smile that lightly graced her lips, before pondering what to say to him.

“You know... you can talk to me, right?... I know he was your best friend, but it’s been years, Toru’… He chose that path…” Y/n treated lightly, not even doing small talk and just getting what was in her mind off. He scoffed in response, his white brows crinkling as he shook his head, looking away as he felt anger bottling up and threatening to explode any second. “Stop acting like you know everything, y/n. It doesn’t concern you, especially because you weren’t close to him like I was... So, stop prying and acting like you care, because I know you fucking don’t.” The venomous words leaving his mouth, he knew it wasn’t her fault, but he was just so angry. At Suguru, at himself.

Y/n was taken aback, she stared at him, something about the way she was watching him slowly loose himself all over again would make her tear up on spot. She had to stand her ground at least, knowing how stubborn he could be. “I’m not saying that, Satoru… I’m just saying I don’t want a repeat of what happened years ago.. and that you have me to talk to or vent to, its okay to be upset.. You don’t have to take it out on me-“ With that his eyes roll, pushing up his glasses and almost instantly coming back at her. “Repeat what happened years ago? Like it was a chore for you? Are you serious? Like it was you going through that? How about you just leave me alone, you’re honestly just making it worse and I’m done entertaining this conversation..” His words were dark.

“If that’s how you fucking feel, Gojo. I’m not going to sit here and be a verbal punching bag you you while I’m trying to fucking help-. You know I didn’t mean it like that, so get your head out of your ass.” She spit back, adjusting herself and standing up and crossing her arms, a stern look with watery eyes threatened to spill. Much to his dismay, he kept going, saying the words that would end them forever. “You honestly have ruined my life in every way possible, I wish it was you instead of Suguru that left back then, I wish it was you who I had to kill and not him… So do me a favor and fucking leave for good.” And that was final. Tears started streaming as she reached out to smack him, much to her dismay due to his limitless being active almost 24/7. His ocean orbs stared up at her, almost in shock, as she spoke one last time to him. “Fine, wish you would have told me sooner, so I didn’t waste years on you… Have fun with your dead best friend, Gojo. Never speak to me again.” And with that, her heels turned as she stormed off to her dorm. He sat there in silence, even the birds stopped chirping. He then realized that was the worst decision of his life.

*end flashback*

Y/n opened the door to the bar, and the bell jingled. Her weary eyes searched around, until they finally met Brown ones she was desperately searching for. Excitement and Nervousness spread through her, emitting something like a squeal as she practically ran to her best friend, who was standing up from her seat, before crashing into her and almost making both of them fall. “Y/n calm down… We’re too old for this shit..” Shoko said as y/n hugged her so tight, she could barely choke out those words. After almost a full minute, y/n let go giggling to herself and sitting down. “I really can’t help myself, I mean look at you, you’re hair is so long, Shoko!!” Shoko smiled before flipping her hair, a waiter on his way looking at y/n before greeting her. “Long time so see, Y/n!!! Glad to have you back, do you want the usual for both of you?” He asked and she nodded excitingly. “Can you actually make that a double shot for me?” He nods before walking off and Shoko eying y/n.

“A double? y/n its barely 6?” She judged, before they both started laughing. “Never leave me for that long again or I swear I will kill you myself.” Shoko stated, lighting a cigarette and handing one to y/n and lighting both of theres with her lighter.

[manicpixiedreamguy]

The trans man's guide to singing (on T and other things)

Introduction:

First things first: I am a trans man on HRT who's studying to become a professional singer (not opera lmao, I'm studying modern singing) and all the information I'm providing comes from my personal experience and what my current teacher, who's been teaching me since I started T, taught and told me during my voice change. This is directed towards people who want to go professional because, again, that's my personal experience, but if you're reading this because you like singing as just a hobby, most of what I'll be talking about applies to you too. I might overexplain things because I want this whole thing to be understandable to everyone, including people who barely know what vocal cords and the diaphragm are; on the same note, I hope I don't end up sounding condescending and if I do, just know that's not my intention at all. I won't be saying anything about pre-T voice training because I never did that and giving the wrong advice when it comes to these things can lead to serious damage to people's vocal cords and throats, so this is strictly a singing through and after a voice change post.

The Basics:

The first thing you have to do is talk to your teacher and explicitly tell them everything about your situation (this applies to anyone, cis or trans: you've worn a back brace during your whole childhood? Tell them. You've had any kind of surgery on your nose? Tell them, and so on; they'll probably ask anyway). I know it can be hard and even scary when you're trans, but if you don't do it you won't achieve your goals; I remember going to another teacher when I was a semi-closeted teenager without disclosing I wanted to work more on my lower register and it made my dysphoria so much worse that I just quit after a few months and didn't try taking singing lessons again for years. And being straightforward helps with both finding a good teacher and finding a safe and positive environment by avoiding bigots (sad, but true). Being honest with your teacher is also crucial because when it comes to singing, it's very important to find positions that feel comfortable and don't physically hurt your throat and vocal cords (or any other body part that's involved in singing) in order to not train your muscle memory on movements that are detrimental for your body, and while no one can find them for you, you need to tell your teacher when something your muscles are doing hurts or feels uncomfortable. Singing is almost like doing sports as the vocal cords are muscles that can and do get hurt, and adopting the wrong positions can result in a less than ideal performance at best and in injury at worst. I can't really help with this though, because I can't tell someone else how to move their own body and how to flex their own muscles and I am not a teacher, I can just tell you to take it slow and that when something's right you'll feel it and when something's wrong you'll also feel it. And remember that something not working for you doesn't make you a failed singer or anything like that, it just means you haven't found what works for you yet.

Singing while wearing a binder:

I wanted to start with this first because I think it's very important. Back in the day I've read posts on the Internet saying you should not sing while wearing a binder and while I do get where those posts are coming from, not everyone can afford to not wear one, myself included (before getting my top surgery last year). At first I tried going to my singing lessons with a sports bra under a loose flannel shirt (that kind of pattern, along with checkered patterns, helps hiding curves) but honestly it sucked as I felt too dysphoric, so I had to come up with a solution. At the time I happened to have an older, more stretched out looser binder that I decided to relegate to the role of singing binder because it didn't do its job properly anymore as an every day binder, but if worn with looser shirts in warm weather and layers in cold weather, it was perfect for singing. It still hid my chest fairly well and wasn't as constrictive as a newer and tighter binder would have been. One important thing to keep in mind is that while wearing a binder your ribcage doesn't have as much freedom as it would have without one and while that does suck, don't beat yourself up if you notice that it's difficult to do some things. I've sung while wearing a binder for most of my life and you can make it work, it just takes time and patience. If you can/want to, you can just not wear anything underneath your shirt to sing, but personally I tried doing that like once and felt awful. And if you wear tape, I guess that would be the best option; I never figured out how to wear it so I have no experience with it, I watched video tutorials and stuff but for me it never worked and I still don't know what I did wrong, but if you do wear it, try going with that.

Singing after top surgery:

I'm sorry for what I'm about to say, but after top surgery you'll have to forget how you sang while wearing a binder and start learning (almost) all over again because it's a whole 'nother story: your posture will be better and your ribcage will be more free, making you able to hold notes for longer and breathe in more air, which means you'll have to do some adjustments. First things first, you'll have to wait at least a month after your surgery to sing again (that's what my surgeon told me but you should still talk to yours, even though I'd say that as long as you'll have to wear the post surgery tight thing I forgot the name of you should avoid singing) and you'll have to take things slow. I got my surgery in August 2023 and I'm still (re)learning stuff, so be patient because it's worth it, my ribcage feels so much better now and my posture has improved, making singing overall better and easier. The most important rule when it comes to singing is listen to your body. If something feels weird or wrong, stop, figure out (with your teacher if you're taking lessons) why it feels like that and try to fix it (again, with your teacher); don't push yourself too far/too hard, otherwise you could get hurt. This applies to singing with a binder, singing after surgery, and just singing in general. Trans, cis, doesn't matter: listen to your body. I can't say anything more about this because everyone's different so I don't think I should be giving tips as what works for me might not work for you, you have to figure it out yourself. Having a teacher helps and there are some things that are pretty much universal, but their body is not your body and there are multiple ways to do the same thing based on each individual's preferences, needs, and bodies.

Can I/should I take singing lessons while my voice is still changing?

Yes, it's actually recommended! I've already said it here, but a couple months before going on HRT I found out through another trans man singer's website that taking singing lesson during your voice change helps a lot, both with your technique and with your voice is general. For your technique, it's beneficial because otherwise you'd end up with a completely different and untrained voice all of a sudden, making it harder to get back into singing and harder to find new positions that work for you, and for your voice in general, it just make the change easier. I have recordings of me singing and talking that I made each month as my voice change progressed and while my singing voice was a mess, some months literally changing every week (not necessarily going lower and lower each time, one week I'd be a baritone and the week later I'd be a tenor for some reason, then back to baritone and so on), my speaking voice rarely cracked. No idea if it's related to me taking singing lessons since the beginning but I'm saying this regardless just in case. For reference, I started T on August 4, 2021 (on this exact same day three years ago!) and started taking singing lessons the following month, so I've basically trained my voice during its entire journey.

Oh no, my voice change is a mess!

Worry not! It's totally normal and there will be lots of adjusting to do and what works for one week or one month or any other period of time probably won't work anymore as your voice keeps changing (especially when trying to switch from your regular voice to your falsetto, as your muscle memory was trained to switch at/on a different range), that's frustrating but, again, normal so don't panic if a position you adopted for a few weeks suddenly doesn't work anymore and you'll end up sounding like a hairdryer with no sound coming out of your mouth. Actually, sometimes what my teacher and I call the hairdryer effect isn't even a matter of positions, sometimes during your voice change you just won't have some specific notes and your voice will break instead but again don't panic, the notes will come eventually. While my voice did drop pretty fast, it took me around two years to finally get a full range (in my case the missing notes were exactly in between my regular register and my falsetto register, making switching between the two a pain; I think it's actually how it is for everyone in general but I'm not sure as I am just me y'know). Also my teacher told me most guys' voices will drop very low for a while and then stabilize themselves on a higher speaking range and while it kinda didn't happen to me according to her due to me being a bass-baritone and my voice stabilizing itself on a much lower speaking range, that's the average experience. Anyway don't worry, your lower notes aren't gone, you still have them but you'll have to work a little more than you used to to hit them.

Figuring out your range and type:

I'll have to tell you about voice types, ranges and classifications first. There are many different voice type classification systems, none of which universally applied (music is messy), so I'll go with the basic operatic six types one that I grew up with and that most people use. From highest to lowest: soprano, mezzosoprano (also known as just mezzo), contralto, tenor, baritone, bass. Those are the main groups, but there are subcategories as well, such as countertenor (sometimes considered a main group for some reason, no shade though) and bass-baritone (my voice type! 👋). If your voice's done changing or if you are pre-T, figuring out your range and type will be quite easy but if your voice is still changing, don't worry about it, you'll just have to check what it's up to from time to time until it'll be done and it'll settle on its final range and type (me and my deep ass voice had to go through almost the entire male range spectrum in like a year and a half so I'm speaking from experience here). An important thing to know is that pitch isn't everything as there are many other characteristics that together define and categorize a person's voice, and that voice range and voice type are two separate things as well; your vocal range doesn't define your voice type on its own because voice types are more about where you feel more comfortable singing rather than what notes you can hit (which is what defines the range of one's voice). To have an idea of what you'll probably sound like after your voice's done changing, you have to see what you sound like pre-T. The length of the vocal cords plays a huge role in this: the longer the vocal cords are, deeper the voice is; testosterone puberty results in elongated vocal cords, so if you've always had longer vocal cords like in my case, your voice will be on the lower end of the spectrum. As I just said, I had a pretty low voice pre-T, as I was a contralto as a preteen (I sang in a choir from age nine to twelve, started as a mezzo but then my voice started dropping around eleven years old), and therefore have a pretty low voice now, as I am a bass-baritone (a subtype of both the baritone and the bass types; the term refers to a lower baritone or a higher bass that can sing both and I am a lower baritone but usually sing bass because it's more physically comfortable for me), because I have long vocal cords and that's it; and while there aren't many studies about the exact role of genetics in the developing of the human voice, I sound eerily similar to my father so here's that.

Don't think that starting T sooner would have given you a deeper voice because I started it at twenty and while I acknowledge that's still fairly young, my first puberty was (sadly) already done and yet my voice is deeper than most cis men's (both statistically and anecdotally speaking). You can start whenever and it won't impact how your voice turns out. And if you're thinking about starting to smoke to make your voice lower: don't. I'm a former smoker myself and while I don't make a fuss about people smoking because I'm European, it's just counterproductive from a logical standpoint. Though one thing about singers is that, just like doctors, we smoke; when you meet a singer there's a high chance they're a smoker and if they aren't there's a high chance they used to be, no idea why. Anyway, don't smoke because it's not worth ruining your voice and lung capacity over and it's also not recommended at all while on testosterone (I smoked very little, like a few cigarettes every two weeks or sometimes even once a month, and my endocrinologist still told me to quit because my blood tests were a little messed up because of that). While it's best to go to a professional, there are YouTube videos that illustrate how to find your vocal range if you want to do that on your own or only plan to sing as a hobby, so I won't say anything about that. What I will say though, is that you should warm up first (always warm up first at least a little no matter what you do, especially if you plan to sing in the morning; even just talking out loud for a while can count as warming your voice up) and if you want to find out your range on your own please use the aforementioned YouTube videos, I've watched and even used a few back in the day and they'll tell you exactly how to do things right, don't just start belting out note after note until your voice is straining and uncomfortable because you'll get hurt (I want to make clear, as I've mentioned the possibility of getting hurt in the previous paragraphs, that getting hurt when it comes to singing ranges from having a bit of a sore throat for a while because you didn't drink water before performing to permanently ruining your voice and losing parts of your range because you tried metal screaming with no training so yeah, be careful).

Useful exercises:

In my experience the most useful exercises to do during a voice change are interval slides with the classic, iconic brrr (that I had to look up the name of because I swear no one, not even one singer, in human history has ever called it by its proper name: lip roll; I'm leaving the brrr thing instead of editing it out because it's funny) and some basic hear it and sing it. Also my teacher and I found out, during a phoniatrician check-up I did while my voice was still changing, that singing big jumps between notes helps a lot, even though I have no idea why. Basically, get a piano or keyboard (here's a link for a virtual piano if you need it), play random notes, and sing; it's important for you to switch between your modal (what I've been referring to as "regular" in this post) register and your falsetto register. I suck at explaining things, but this is what you have to do: play one note, sing it, then play the next, and so on. Additionally, I went through my text conversations with my teacher back when my voice was at the beginning of its journey and found the links to three videos we used a lot at the time, so here they are: this 10 minute vocal warm up, some beginner bass vocal warm ups, and some other bass-baritone vocal warm ups. If you go through these channels you'll find other exercises for other voice types and ranges as well. I recommend using jazz singer Judy Niemack's recordings (playlist linked in the above paragraph) because those are the one I used and still use. Your range and voice type don't really matter, you can either harmonize with her or sing in your comfortable range (in tune!) (or not in tune if you're doing this as a hobby I guess, I'm a singer not a cop) (but ear training is fundamental if you want to go professional, so: in tune!).

Alright I think I explained pretty much everything, but if you have questions don't hesitate to ask! I'll be more than happy to answer.

[albinoasriel]

kind of a...serious post

Does anyone know how to cope with species dysphoria? I...really have been struggling recently which is why ive been posting on my accounts less. I've been looking for resources and havent found much that has been helpful and...honestly have just found "satire" articles basically just shitting on anypne who has species dysphoria or using people like me as a tool to shit on trans people (also people like me)

Many Otherkin and Therian resources have proved to offer things that I havent found helpful, and even a couple things that have made it worse. A lot of the otherkin community is very spiritual, and while thats valid, as someone who very much...isnt, it makes it hard for me to connect and find common ground with others in the community

I dont know much about the otherkin experience outside of myself, I just know I am Albi, I am a goat... and im not a goat right now. And that tears me apart every day

Things Ive tried:

Accessories (Tail and Horns mainly) the tail helped a small bit but the horns just felt weird on my head, didnt help a lot in the long run

Art: Both drawing myself and comissioning myself. Commissions have helped me better understand my own form, as I dont have a very visual imagination, but...honestly I've had some dysohoria come from looking at art of me longingly

Friends and Loved Ones' support: This is definitely whats helped me thr most, when i was alone in this feeling it was hell, but...I still feel terrible

Enacting/Experiencing my Animalistic/Kin side: Not really something that I can do? My kintype is very anthropromorphic, so outside of bleating (which i do quite often) theres not much action i can take to act more like my kintype, its a mostly physical dysphoria

Meditation: Meditation has given me panick attacks and has not helped in many ways

Hypnosis: Hypnosis has by far given me the most success for short term relief, however Ive been unable to do any form of self-hypnosis and...due to its overlap with my kink for hypnosis, hypnosis purely for my mental health can cause sexual problems

Sorry if this post is long or confusing...Its just...kinda a vent of how I feel and how I'm stuck with myself.

Please, if you have any help...it would be greatly appreciated

[seangelfish]

Matching keychains

Ramuda Amemura x Reader

Genre/s: Angst (no comfort)

Word count: 2,788

Plot/Summary: This feeling has always been lingering in the back of his mind, but he knew that this can't last forever. Despite loving you for so long, he finally decides to let you go.

A/N: I recommend you listen to the instrumental of Buster Bros' Re:start whilst reading this as I was listening to it whilst writing this and honestly, it made the angst 10x worse! I might continue this fic because I actually really like it, and I love Ramuda so why not?

[I love Hypmic so much and I've always wanted to write fics surrounding the franchise, but I'm still pretty new to it, so please bare with me on how I portray these characters. I'm trying my hardest to make these accurate to the character as possible. Thank you for understanding and I hope you enjoy reading!]

There was something important that you needed to get done today and it involved you visiting the most popular toy shop in Shibuya. This city was known for its shopping let alone its vast entertainment, fashion, and restaurants, so this task was bound to be easy for you!

You stepped inside the building in awe at the wide range of plushies. They ranged from big to small, from animals to people to even little accessories for them as well! You were already tempted to get something for yourself, but that wasn't the reason why you were here.

You wondered around the shop trying to find a specific item in stock. It was extremely crowded, so you ended up bumping into a lot of other customers.

Hmm, where could it be? you thought to yourself, already overwhelmed. It should be here...!

Thankfully, a shop assistant caught your eye and helped you find the item that you were looking for. Once you were shown the selection of plushie keychains, your worries disappeared just like that. You thanked the worker profusely.

You giggled to yourself as you picked up the two matching bunny keychains. One was pink whilst the other one was white. Both bunnies were wearing bows of the other's colour. It was so cute!

"Ramuda would love this!" you chirped.

Yes, the sole reason you came to this particular area was to buy a little gift for your boyfriend, Ramuda. You saw the two plushies advertised on your Twitter feed and instantly thought of him. You thought it would be so cute to have matching keychains with the love of your life!

You exited the store happily with the plushies you just bought. You can't wait to surprise Ramuda with them, and it was a perfect day to do so because he had asked you to meet up with him this evening.

"I wonder what he has planned for us tonight~" you wondered excitedly.

In his shop, Ramuda was anxiously scribbling in his sketchbook, thinking of ideas on what new clothes to design but to no avail because all he could think about was you.

The page he was currently working on was now filled with messy, indescribable pencil scratches. Whatever he was doodling wasn't pretty and he knew of it. He just wanted to rip everything out, destroy everything until these feelings of his were no more.

"Are you okay?" asked Gentarou, looking at Ramuda's sketches from behind his shoulder.

And as on cue, Ramuda immediately slammed his sketchbook shut and answered cheerfully, "I'm A-OK! I'm just having art block at the moment! Nothing too serious. I'll try again later~!"

Gentarou didn't believe a second of it, but shrugged it off.

"Just so you know," Gentarou began. "You can always tell–"

Ramuda cut him off. "I'm alright," he said slowly.

He jumped up from his seat to give his usual little twirl.

"Well, I'm off to see (Y/N) now~!" he exclaimed. "She's waiting for me, so I have to be there quick! I'll be back, so you don't need to close the shop. See you later~!"

Gentarou watched his friend skip out of the shop hurriedly. Once he was gone, Dice entered.

"I just saw Ramuda run out," he stated. "He wasn't looking too good. Is he okay?"

Gentarou merely shook his head.

You idled around the park, taking in the cool breeze and the amber sunset above. It truly was a beautiful evening and you couldn't wait to spend it with Ramuda.

A thought popped into your head. You should take a picture of the plushies you bought today with the sunset in the background!

You placed the two bunnies down on one of the park's benches, positioning them together as if they were holding hands. You giggled to yourself at how embarrassing this was, but it was such a cute idea! You were thankful that the park was empty at this time.

You quickly snapped a picture and to your satisfaction, it was the most beautiful picture of a sunset you have ever taken. You couldn't wait to post this on your Instagram page with your lover tagged!

"(Y/N)!"

You could hear faint footsteps running towards you. Shoving the plushies back into your bag before Ramuda could see them, you turned around to greet your boyfriend with the brightest smile on your face.

His pace slowed down as he stopped a few metres away from you. Seeing you smile at him like that made his heart ache. He would usually match your expression, but this time, he returned your smile with a look of such emptiness that it just wasn’t hard to miss.

Your smile faded away quickly.

"Ramuda... are you okay...?"

The distance between you two was unbearable, but you knew that you weren’t permitted to cross the invisible barrier Ramuda was holding up. So, you stayed stuck to your spot, and he did too.

“(Y/N),” he repeated, but with sadness to his tone. “Remember when you asked me where my parents were… or what my childhood was like?”

You didn’t know where he was going with this.

He continued, “…or which high school I attended? Who I was before I became a fashion designer? Before The Dirty Dawg? …But I didn’t answer any of it?”

You stared at him. He wasn't the Ramuda you were used to seeing everyday. His demeanour was completely different, but it wasn't too much of a surprise to you. Sometimes, you'd catch glimpses of this other personality, but you doubt he'd ever catch you noticing it.

“…I had none of what you had, none of what the average person has had in their lives. You could even say that I did not even have a life before any of this. You may not believe me, (Y/N), but what I’m going to tell you from this point on is the truth. Unfortunately, I can’t give you too many details as it’s not in my right.”

He watched your expression, the confusion and worry on your face. You wanted to ask him why he was bringing this up now, but you continued to stay in your spot, awaiting his explanation.

As he stated before, he didn’t bring up too many details. Though, he confessed that the personality he presented to others including you was all made up – a lie. He mentioned that he wasn’t the ‘real Ramuda’ and that he could never be the real one. He told you that he merely exists for someone else, not himself, and if he were to disobey them, he would be killed. He described himself as ‘defective’ as if he was a product. He revealed why he was a massive sweet tooth as the lollipops helped him to continue living.

“And that’s why… we should break up,” he said finally. “I’m just going to cause you trouble if I continue to be with you.”

You were speechless. It was so much to take in. He had finally told you about his background, but now he was suggesting that you two should break up. You didn’t know what to say, but all you wanted to do in that moment was to touch him.

“So please–” he began.

You pulled him in, letting his chin rest on your shoulder as your other hand held his head gently. It was getting hard to breathe as tears streamed down your face. Ramuda was frozen, his eyes showing nothing but perplexity.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that all on your own," you whispered. “I’m sorry if I wasn’t too attentive or if I wasn’t there for you.”

Ramuda chuckled with some sort of annoyance.

“It’s not your fault, (Y/N). You were always there for me; I just never made those feelings known. But we need to end things now. You can never truly be happy with me for who I am and what I will have to deal with in the future. Things will get too complicated and not only will it hurt you but me as well.”

Even when he was saying all of that, his arms couldn’t help but hug you back. He couldn’t stop himself from shedding a few tears. Why did you believe him so easily? Why did you trust him so much? Why do you still care about him even after confessing that his whole character was fake?

And as if you were reading his mind, you replied, “I don’t want to end things with you. I don’t care about who you were, I just care about who you are right now… even… even if it’s a lie. I don’t care. I know how kind and passionate you are. We can easily overcome these obstacles, can we not?"

Ramuda was silent, pulling away from your embrace. He shook his head and looked at you sadly.

“(Y/N), I’m going to let you go, and so should you. This is my final decision.”

"Ramuda!"

He smirked. “I’m not going to lie though, I really do love you, and it sucks because I’m going to keep loving you.”

"Then–"

He shook his head, interrupting you. “But we can’t keep doing this. I can’t risk you getting involved and I can’t keep you from being in a better relationship. You can’t be happy with me. So, go find yourself a better man; someone that will always make you feel safe and happy… like Ichiro or something.”

Before you started dating Ramuda, you were close friends with Ichiro. This was during The Dirty Dawg days where the leaders of each division were grouped together. Your friendship with Ichiro was genuine and he was so lovely towards you. You would always laugh with him and shared each other’s stories. People often caught you together by the lake watching the sunset.

Ramuda always felt guilty that he robbed you off a beautiful relationship with Ichiro. But despite knowing your mutual feelings, he still shoved his way through the bubble you and Ichiro had together. He did all he can to pop that little bubble of yours, he’d butt into your conversations whenever he got the chance. He didn’t care whether you liked Ichiro or if Ichiro liked you back, he just wanted you to be his. He liked you too after all! And eventually, with all his attempts of breaking you two up, he succeeded.

“What?! Why are you saying that?!” you cried. "Why would you tell me to go find another lover when all I want is you?! My feelings for Ichiro are in the past now! I don't want him, I just want YOU. Why is this so difficult to understand that I don't care about who you are?!"

“(Y/N), stop!” he shouted. “I’m not going to change my mind!”

He was crying. He was crying as much as you now.

“If I didn’t get in between you two, you would’ve been in a happier relationship. You wouldn’t need to worry about me or the troubles I will cause. You wouldn’t need to worry about where he is or what he’s doing unlike me! He’s genuine and he’s real. He’s probably everything you’ve been looking for in me!” he said as he choked on his words. “I’m sorry for doing that to you two. I should’ve ignored you back then so you wouldn’t need to hear me say all this stuff now.”

The tears in your eyes wouldn't stop flowing, but you were also getting fed up with him. You just wanted to reason with him. You didn’t want to end things like this, not now and not ever.

“I said I don’t care!” you yelled. “Ramuda, I just want to be with you! I will only ever love you!”

Ramuda was stunned at your words, but he laughed even with the tears gushing down his face. He cupped your face with both of his hands and kissed you softly – his last kiss to you.

“Ah, (Y/N), I’m really going to miss you,” he croaked. “I… I really am going to m-miss you…”

"Ramuda, please..."

"It's time for you to forget me, okay?"

How did such a beautiful day turn into something so sad? You just wanted to give him your matching keychains…

He whipped out some sort of device – a hypnosis mic? – and sang something. There was no time to react as everything became a blur. You tried calling out his name once again, but the last image you had of him was of him smiling at you with the glassiest eyes you have ever seen.

A few months from now...

There would be times you would feel some sense of melancholy in the air. That feeling would happen whenever you'd enter a particular shop or area, but you never knew why you felt that way.

Ramuda lived his life as usual. Before he took you home, he erased everything of his existence from your phone, computer, and physical photo albums – anything he could get his hands on. It pained him that he had to do this, but he wanted you to start anew. He hoped that you were still able to fall in love with Ichiro again even if it will hurt him.

"And done!" said Ramuda, finishing off his sketches. "It's perfect. The ladies would love this collection~!"

"Oh, you’re finally done?” Dice said as he munched on his lunch Gentarou paid for. “That was fast.”

Ramuda giggled. He was proud of himself for completing such a task. He couldn't wait to see how the final product will turn out.

"Oh, by the way," he started. "We're going to participate in the Division Rap Battle next week, so be ready~!"

You were convinced by your co-workers to watch the DRB with them after work, so you decided to clean your photo storage. You liked taking pictures whenever you’d attend concerts after all!

As you were going through all your photos, you stumbled upon a photo you didn’t remember taking. It was a photo of two bunny plushies sitting on a bench in front of a beautiful amber sunset; a pink and white bunny who looked like they were holding hands.

"I didn't know I had plushies like that..." you said slowly.

You got up and looked around your room for those plushies. As a result, you made a huge mess, but you were just happy you found one of them. It was the pink bunny with a white bow. However, you couldn’t find the white bunny anywhere, and you searched everywhere for it.

"Weird," you commented, looking at the pink bunny. "When did I buy this again?"

It was fluffy and soft, and the feeling of melancholy washed over you once again. You still didn’t understand why you keep getting that feeling. You shrugged it off like you always did.

Attaching the pink bunny keychain to your bag, you left the house to meet up with your co-workers to get to the stadium.

The stadium was packed. The girls around you were squealing over a particular figure, Ramuda Amemura, who was currently rapping against Matenro.

You haven’t seen Ramuda in a while despite living in the same city. You were good friends with him when The Dirty Dawg was still around, but after they disbanded, you two never kept in touch. He slowly became distant with you which kind of annoyed you because you had heard from the others how he still kept in touch with Ichiro and Samatoki.

You would see him a lot on social media though. He was super popular with the girls, and he had the best fashion sense that was to your taste. You even purchased some of his pieces online.

He was now active in Fling Posse and his raps were as brilliant as they were before. He seemed more energetic too.

You watched him from the seats attentively as the girls around you cheered him on. But you were extremely confused because as Fling Posse lost against Matenro and was ushered to leave the stage, you spotted it – the white bunny keychain, the same one in the picture that matched your pink bunny keychain you currently had hung on your bag. Ramuda had the bunny attached to his hoodie.

And yet you still didn’t understand why this sense of melancholy came back to you, tugging on your heart strings even more than ever. Even when your eyes locked with Ramuda’s for just a second, even when your eyes began to water, you still didn’t understand why you were feeling this way.

For some reason, you just wanted to chase after him and hold him tight, but all you could really do was watch him smile at the crowd and walk away.

Intro page | Hypnosis Mic masterlist | Requests rules

[ratcandy]

why i think zote is a nosk and yes I'm (mostly) serious

and No, I'm not just going to gesture vaguely in the direction of CoGR. Like yes writing that accursed thing had IRREVERSIBLE effects on my brain, and it is 100% the reason I started thinking this way to begin with, BUT.

I think, to some extent. If pressed. I could argue a little. So what if you all entertained me for a minute. You all entertained me very readily when it came to bug sexyness. So what if you entertained me on this one. Take my hand. Follow me. This is self-indulgence at its finest.

and if I don't post it now I'm going to be editing it endlessly and forever.

This is a RIDICULOUSLY long post, and I get VERY derailed as it continues. It's also only like. Half serious. In that the first half is serious, but then I start losing my mind. If you're willing to entertain me and read all this, well. More power to you!

Okay, to start with, I'm gonna explain how this thought process even initially occurred to me (prior to the writing of CoGR). And it mostly has to do with the fact that Zote looks so much like a vessel, but certainly cannot be for various reasons (not void, mouth, wrong color... I could be here all day but I will not do that. Go eat this other post I made about it if u really want that argument).

It also never occurred to me that he'd be the same species as Elderbug, despite this clearly being a popular theory on here hdgkjSDG. (I could go on a whole separate argument about that, but to not make this post 1million extra words long, just know it boils down to Elderbug Has Too Many Legs and Honestly If You Remove the Mouth they've got Nothing Else Going For Them.)

But, really, what are we left with, then?

Sure, he could just be some other random bug. Maybe there are some bugs that just look like that - outside of the vessels - that we have not seen. But, since we are decidedly NOT shown any bugs that look like vessels but are not vessels OUTSIDE of Zote himself, it leaves me with question.

Why does this guy look so much like a vessel when he cannot be. I mean, yeah, in meta terms, he looks like that because he's Ghost's foil. He is MEANT to be a "worse" version of the player character. Off-color (termed "grey" but that man is PINK!!!!), asymmetrical, hunched over, and sucks ass at fighting.

But. We are not talking meta. We are talking story. We are talking World.

Could he still be a child of the Pale King/White Lady? Maybe. But I really, really do not think so. I also touch on this in my "why I don't think this loser is a vessel" post that I linked earlier, so I won't go too crazy here, but. I mean. Two pale beings made a pink baby? With a mouth that neither of them have? And mans inherited None of that godliness (that we can see)?

I jus don't see it.

So. Again. WHAT are we left with??

He looks a LOT like a vessel. Enough that a lot of people THINK he is at first. But he cannot be a vessel. He is also not likely a child of PK/WL (entertain me, entertain me). And he does not resemble any other bug we've seen in Hallownest.

So, I mean. Imagine, if you will, something that can mimic appearances, right. AND not only that. But something that has definitely seen vessels before and would know how to mimic one.

(I'm just saying, that's quite a lot of em strung up in the den here).

And imagine he sucks. Really, really bad. So of COURSE he would make an imperfect disguise, right?

Okay. That's the BASIS of my theory. Now you're gonna have to bear with me. I'm going to start ...Analyzing. If you could call it that. And arguing. Very heavily.

Zote as a Nosk: Why He Do That?

This section of my ramble is going to mostly be speculation, or explanations for parts of this theory that I could potentially be questioned on. For instance:

Why would a nosk want to disguise itself as a vessel?

In my own personal theory, Zote wanted to blend in with society and tout himself as a brave, unbeatable knight of great renown! Such titles are not often given to beastly creatures such as Nosks. So, he fled his ghastly, dark home, put his past behind him, and took on a new name. After all, names have power, don't they?

As for why a vessel specifically... The vessels are (supposed to be) stolid, emotionless beings that do not think or feel fear, and have no method of crying out in suffering. Sure, a Nosk would have no way of knowing that whole mantra, but if they'd faced multiple of these enemies, staring down blank stares that don't portray whatever horror they feel in their circumstance...

They'd have no reason to believe vessels are typically brave, fearless creatures.

Especially since our vessel, Ghost, is often referred as "The Knight." It tells us that vessels (or at the very least, Ghost) are knightly-sorts in some capacity. Which would make sense, given their purpose.

And, of course, if stories of the Hollow Knight made it down to Deepnest, and if THK being a vessel was wider known (which I doubt, but still), then that'd obviously be the perfect disguise to fit a knightly part.

Even more so that Nosk has clearly seen a bunch of these things, even if they're rarely spotted elsewhere outside of the Abyss.

Would a nosk even think to do this at all?

I mean, we've little reason to believe Nosks were not intelligent creatures prior to infection. They're smart enough to use the appearances of other bugs to lure them deeper into its den.

And more than mimicking the bug itself, the thoughts of Nosk's prior victims definitely suggest it would mimic loved ones of its prey. Or someone that prey would WANT to see. That at least implies some amount of intelligence, unless it's straight-up mind reading.

But again, even if it doesn't, Nosk just acts like an infected creature in-game. So we don't know what they could've been like prior to Orange Fanta.

What makes you think Nosks were a species? Couldn't there just have been one of them?

Sure, there could've just been the one. But I think that's boring. Nothing in particular really points me toward them being a species. For all I know, Nosk is just some weird, solitary cryptid. But that's not fun. So I'm just ignoring it.

How else is this dude getting around, if not somehow at least a LITTLE stronger than he seems on the surface?

Right? I mean, yes, there are two instances where Zote gets stuck, one of which he can die in. But outside of those two, he takes a WEIRD path throughout Hallownest, and after that single Vengefly King encounter...

Well, he's totally fine. He can't die again. Dude is resilient, somehow.

But with what we've seen of Zote (a nail that does no damage, extremely clumsy movement, Being Small and Bite-Sized), there is no possible way he should have survived down there. Hallownest is damn brutal. And I don't think infected creatures would pity Zote and choose to spare him.

The only think he does have going for him is tankyness, since he can take a lot of hits and be relatively fine. But even then, if something were to start attacking him, little idiot certainly wouldn't run away if he thought it could kill him. He's stupid. He wants to prove himself. In the Coliseum, he doesn't even hesitate to throw himself at Ghost.

So how in the world did he survive down there if he WASN'T somehow secretly something else?

Hey, speaking of that clumsyness...

It makes a lot of sense that a guy who's used to being much taller, with far spindlier legs, would have a hard time adjusting to a smaller stature, right? He's gotta figure out a whole new sense of balance. And I doubt a nosk is meant to stay in disguise that long, anyway.

-

The Two Entire Pieces of Evidence In-Game That Could Denounce This Theory:

Two pieces of dialogue from Zote himself could totally explode this into millions of pieces and have you all laugh very meanly at me for being so adamant about something that is very obviously not at all substantiated by canon. But hey. Hey. Before you start pointing and jeering. Listen to me.

Dialogue One:

"I came to this kingdom to fulfill a promise..." (Technically he says this twice at different times, one being spoken and one being thought, but I'm counting it as One for our purposes)

People love to point at this dialogue and tell me this means Zote couldn't have possibly originated from Hallownest because it says he CAME here. Specifically.

Ok 1: Saying he came here to fulfill a promise does not mean he could not have been from here. Perhaps he IS from here, took off, and came back. Sure, he doesn't expressly say "i came BACK to this kingdom" but STILL. Possibility is not eliminated.

and 2: I'm... I mean... listen. This guy is not too great at being truthful. He could easily just be running on a fake story about his life to cover up what he he Actually is. 'Cause, I mean... If he's already hypothetically disguising himself, Why then would he tell the truth about where he came from.

And please, making up a grand story about how he came from some distant land beyond the wastes, where he had to struggle through the horrors of the powerful winds and dastardly beasts, sounds Very in-character.

(And honestly, tangent: Do we think he would survive the wastes? I mean, yes, granted, he survives a lot in the game. But he can easily be killed by the Vengefly King if you just leave him there. And surely there are worst creatures in the Wastes. On top of that, Ghost can't even walk into the wastes without being blasted back by wind. Do we think Zote could get out there? The guy who gets hit by a nail and goes flying across the colosseum? And On Top of THAT, if we choose to believe the Pale King, which I do not but yknow Still, bugs supposedly lose their sapience while outside of his/a kingdom. If that's true, then... erm?)

Sure, he could totally be a totally irrelevant bug from a totally separate irrelevant kingdom in the middle of nowhere. But to look so much like a vessel... that'd just be coincidence then? That's not NEARLY as fun. And I LIKE fun. So THERE.

Dialogue Two:

(thought while in Deepnest) "So, the kingdom was hiding this dark nest full of deadly predators. Well, now the deadliest predator of all is here... ...Zote the Mighty!"

Ok, so, yeah. That one is pretty damning. That pretty obviously suggests he's never been there before, which wouldn't make a lot of sense given he's a nosk. Unless there are nosks in other kingdoms, I guess, but. Refer to the tangent I just made hSDKGJH.

And really. I'll be honest. I only have one potential argument for this, and it's bullshitty. But it's bullshitty enough that I still allow myself to have my fun thoughts.

So. You see. Zote likes to say things. If you haven't noticed. Making himself out to be a big strong valiant knight is his whole shtick. That is what this man is. And saying stuff that is blatantly untrue to make himself seem Cooler is kinda what he's all about. So... and bear with me, yes, I know how flimsy this sounds.

This could be him mentally rehearsing what he WOULD say. In the circumstance where he was very epically relaying this story to someone else.

and. AND. Of course. Since he's disguised. He obviously wouldn't give away that he's FROM here. That would be silly. That ruins the whole point of the disguise. Might as well just be a nosk wandering around then.

So, clearly, obviously, evidently, this thought process reflects what he WOULD say to someone who does not know he's a nosk, and who he does not want to know he's a nosk. While he's stoically regaling the tale of his adventures in the Horrible Death Pit that is Deepnest.

Yknow. Just thinking ahead for how he could make this situation sound as brave and epic as possible. WITHOUT mentioning his connections to this place. Because, I mean, really... Why would he want to attach himself, a courageous, heroic knight, to a dark pit full of deadly beasts?

He is no Beast. He is a Knight. Etc.

...yeah, I know, not my best or most sound argument in the world. But I'm having fun. If everything has already fallen apart for you because of this one (1) dialogue, that is so valid. Go live ur life.

I'm gonna keep going though.

-

Things That Make Me Point at the Screen and Go "AHA! SEE! I'M SO RIGHT!"

Number ONE:

Hey. Remember when you saw Nosk's mask on the floor up there in that screenshot? So, if you didn't know this, after you defeat Nosk, it drops its mask on the floor. And you can smack it around as much as you like. Pretty fun, right?

Well. If you let Zote die, in order to get the neglect achievement, you have to smack the mask he left behind. Because he ALSO drops his mask. Hey that's weird. The only two masks in game that you can freely smack around are Nosk's and Zote's.

Huh. Strange.

Number TWO:

Zote has a STUPID amount of health. Like, it's obnoxious how many hits this man takes. And not only that, he doesn't even DIE when you defeat him in the Coliseum, so he probably has even MORE health than that (ignoring the Eternal Ordeal for a second, since... I highly doubt that's meant to be canon LMAO). The listed health Zote has on the wiki (200) is nowhere near Nosk's amount of health (680), sure. But I'm assuming that health total is based on how many hits it takes to get him down in Coli (which I'm also assuming is the same amount of hits it takes to get him down in the Eternal Ordeal). In which, again, he does not die after that. He just gets stuck and cannot get back up.

But ALSO, that Nosk is infected, and we've been told infection gives strength - hence why the Traitor Lord is like that. So it's possible the nosk we fight in Deepnest just has a strength boost due to orange juice consumption.

...Or, Zote just sucks for a nosk. His stupid amount of health might actually be just really low for that species. For all we know.

Number THREE:

Speaking of the Coliseum, have you seen the JUMPS on this man?

Zote sure can Leap pretty far. He's clumsy as all hell, sure, but those jumps sure are something. Even in the GPZ version, he jumps all the way up off screen before crashing down. Which, yes, I know GPZ is not actually Zote, but this tells me Bretta is at least somewhat aware of Zote's jumping expertise enough to include it in her sexyman version of him.

Do you know who Else jumps all the way up off screen before crashing down? That's right baby. Nosk ...Ok first nosk does a little infection drop attack but HEY you know what I mean. Both Zote and Nosk got big jumps.

Number FOUR:

Precept Twenty-Six: 'Don't Trust Your Reflection'. When peering at certain shining surfaces, you may see a copy of your own face. The face will mimic your movements and seems similar to your own, but I don't think it can be trusted.

Ok that's the obvious precept. I don't think I need to explain why this one makes me go AHA!! SEE!! SEE! HE SAID THE THING!

So I'm going to move on to precepts that I can STRETCH to fit my AGENDA. This is where I start getting derailed and incomprehensible, as a warning.

Number FIVE:

Precept Six: 'Choose Your Own Fate'. Our elders teach that our fate is chosen for us before we are even born. I disagree.

Just like he CHOSE a NEW IDENTITY when he DISGUISED HIMSELF AS A VESSEL? HUH? HUH?

Precept Eighteen: 'Seek Truth in the Darkness'. This precept also explains itself.

So you're telling me the truth is in the darkness? The darkness? Dark like Deepnest? Like a place so dark you can't traverse it without a lantern? You're telling me the TRUTH is in THE DARKNESS? Why wouldn't you want to explain that further, nosky boy? Don't want to explain HOW the TRUTH is in the DARKNESS, HUH?

Precept Twenty-Eight: 'Don't Peer Into the Darkness'. If you peer into the darkness and can't see anything for too long, your mind will start to linger over old memories. Memories are to be avoided, as per Precept Four.

Oh now you DON'T want us to look in the darkness? Why? Huh? There's MEMORIES in that darkness? You've got MEMORIES in there? And the truth is in there too? And you DON'T want us to look at it? Is it because you're a NOSK

Precept Forty-Five: 'One Thing Is Not Another'. This one should be obvious, but I've had others try to argue that one thing, which is clearly what it is and not something else, is actually some other thing, which it isn't. Stay on your guard!

Oh yeah? Yeah? One thing is not another? And you've had to have this argument multiple times? Did you have to argue that YOU are not a NOSK, little man? Little man who isn't being totally Real with me. Little. BASTARD

Precept Fifty: 'Don't Linger on Mysteries'. Some things in this world appear to us as puzzles. Or enigmas. If the meaning behind something is not immediately evident though, don't waste any time thinking about it. Just move on.

YOU WON'T PULL THE WOOL OVER MY EYES, FUCKER!!!

Number SIX:

Hey. HEY. Why do we first meet Zote inside the kingdom (Greenpath) and then he immediately goes up to Dirtmouth before going back down? Why don't we just meet him in Dirtmouth like we do Tiso? Why does he go straight up to Dirtmouth after our first encounter with him, only to go back down again?

Why does he already start in the kingdom and make his way out first. What's up with that.

Why doesn't Elderbug mention that he saw a guy pass him by to go down the well, likely before Ghost even showed up? With how Elderbug talks, it seems like no one has been through Dirtmouth in a LONG time. And if Zote got in through the well, he clearly didn't get very far if he only ended up in Greenpath. So he couldn't have been in there very long.

Surely Elderbug would've seen him walk by and go down... if Zote walked by him at all.

Elderbug will mention Literally Every Other Bug that comes through Dirtmouth EXCEPT for Zote. and tiso. but ignore Tiso, because we first meet Tiso before his descent into the kingdom. He talks about Cornifer and Iselda, he talks about Sly, he talks about Bretta, he talks about Jiji. If you banish the troupe, he talks about Nymm being around.

Why doesn't he mention Zote? what's different about that Zote guy. Did he never pass by Elderbug to go into the well at all? Was his first time in Dirtmouth the first time we saw him there? After he ascended out of the kingdom?

Sure, we meet Quirrel in the kingdom, too. And Hornet. But they never go back UP to Dirtmouth, and certainly don't do so after your first encounter with them.

Bretta and Sly are originally FROM Dirtmouth. And they don't go back down after you save them. So them coming back up after being infected makes perfect sense.

The only other exception is Cloth, if you manage to save her. But she only comes up after she's unable to complete her mission, and there's nothing left for her down there.

So why............................does Zote come out of the well first? Why is that the first thing we see him do after Greenpath?

Unless he's.... FROM down there. And he made his way... UP.

...before going right back down, because this town SUCKS and I want to battle in the coliseum. To fulfill the promise of glory to myself. Or whatever.

Number SEVEN:

Speaking of the town Sucking to him: "This dreary place... it reminds me of home. How ghastly..."

Dreary? GHASTLY? Like. LIKE DEEPN-----

Number EIGHT:

(said in Deepnest) "Hmm? Are you lost in these dark tunnels? I don't care. No, I won't lead you out. I know the way, due to my powerful memory, but I only travel alone. Begone."

Due to "powerful memory"? You've got powerful memory of these dark tunnels that, surely, you shouldn't be able to see shit in? Because, surely, you're not from here or anything, right?

Oh but that's WEIRD, right? Because after you get him out of that web, he DOES manage to escape Deepnest. Hmm. How WEIRD, right? For someone so very weak? For someone who CERTAINTLY shouldn't be able to see down there?

It's almost like he. DOES know these tunnels.......

-

OK, I'm done.

This is pretty much all I have for genuinely arguing for Zote being a nosk.

Is it not much? Yep. Not much at all. But more evidence than there is for him being a vessel, at any rate.

Is it also heavily due to my brain connecting dots that do not exist and seeming more and more insane as I go? Literally stretching at seams that aren't real as I go off into a rabbithole I dug with my own shovel? Yes.

But i'm. HAVING. FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok yes that's all. Go read the fanfiction I wrote about all this. I said my piece. goodby

[p1xiemeat]

i hope you’re okay!!!!

honestly i'm not. i'm waiting to be transported STILL to mclean. i came to the emergency room cause i felt unsafe & i was tempted to hurt myself. i've been struggling with my mental health for a while now. my doctor started me on new meds for manic depression. i stopped taking the antidepressant because it gave me serious side affects. so i was already feeling bad. & then on top of that still being harassed by my stalker continually just pushed me over the edge. every day i feel like i'm struggling just to wake up in the morning and then i get bombarded with unwanted harassment despite begging them to leave me alone. its been going on for years now & despite trying my hardest ignore it, it really affects me when i'm already feeling so low. i'm tired of feeling this way and i'm tired of having constant anxiety bc ppl can't just leave me alone or stop watching my every move. i'm sure i'll get harassed or made fun of just for even saying how i feel in this post. i will talk about how badly its affecting me and they always dispute it or deny even doing anything or flip it around on me and say i'm doing it to myself. i just feel so helpless. i feel so horrible about myself as it is bc of manic depression and having a rare illness that makes me sick 24/7 to the point where i can barely function. and maybe autism has something to do with my inability to cope (idk because i just recently got diagnosed and i'm still learning about living with autism) but feeling like shit about myself already sucks & then everything i say or do gets made fun of or picked apart by someone i've never met and all their friends. i just cannot take it anymore. the internet is what i use to express myself and it used to be a safe space for me to do that. autism makes me feel like a scared little girl most of the time. i feel like that all the time and now i have that feeling every time i use social media too. and this isn't me blaming anyone for wanting to hurt myself. i was already having a really hard time mentally. but the harassment just significantly added to the stress and anxiety. i'm at my breaking point. i sought professional help at the emergency room yesterday and i'm still waiting to be taken to mclean. I've been there before and i had a horrific experience and i begged them not to send me😭😭 im praying it will be better this time since i have no choice now. i'm under section 12 which means i can't leave willingly until i've been cleared by a doctor saying i'm not a threat to myself. i guess i'll just have to have hope that my experience at mclean won't make me feel worse than i already do now. all i want is fucking peace. my thoughts make me want to vomit and just being alive is exhausting. i want to get better for myself and my kids. and i'm hoping whatever therapist/psychiatrist they make me see will give me ways to cope with ppl attacking me because i literally cannot handle it the way i am right now. and hopefully maybe get on medication for depression and impulse control that actually works because i came so close to self harm relapsing multiple times yesterday. im glad i at least got to the hospital before that happened. i don't want anymore scars.

[sleepy-vix]

hello hello hello!! i hope this day is treating you well <3

so. erm. i finished if we were villains one second ago. there are tear tracks still glistening on my face. and i have Thoughts TM

to be frank i wasn't a fan of most of the book (i found the very excessive shakespeare-quoting stilted, pretentious and cringey — and i'm saying this as a person who quotes shakespeare too much for the average sane person and is very annoying about it) but something changed when i was reading act five. i then proceeded to cry through the end bit of act five and the whole epilogue.

i have no idea what i feel about it skjfksdfj i have no idea when i started caring about these pretentious ass bitches enough to cry over them, seeing that for most of the book i was just incredibly annoyed by all of them. although i am proud to say i clocked james and oliver for what they were in their first few interactions. the power of the gaydar ladies and gents

i think part of the problem was that i was comparing it to the secret history so much in my mind (which is practically literary perfection in my mind. i personally believe that donna tartt is a greek muse in disguise and should be treated as such/j) it just paled in comparison — honestly, people need to stop comparing the two or just lumping them into "dark academia" (i'm personally not the hugest fan of aesthetic-based grouping for book recs, but that's a rant for another day)

i think it's a one-time read for me. like yes it was definitely an... interesting experience but probably not good enough to reread? i don't know?? i have zero idea if you like this book or not i just know that you've read it — so apologies if i accidentally offended you or something 😭😭 i would love to hear your thoughts on it though (especially the ending)!

I READ IT BACK IN GRADE 8 DURING THE SUMMER HOLIDAYS AND I WAS JUST DEPRESSED FOR THE WHOLE 8 WEEKS LMAO

im like ehhh about it now 😭 which is sad because i was so obsessed with it i made a playlist for james and oliver (im such a geek it's actually so embarrassing 💀)

also i completely agree with you about the shakespeare quotes. it got to a point where i would just skip the quotes and only read the actual writing because is it ever THAT serious?

also i have a few other icks about the book:

- oliver and meredith getting together (that was so ???? like i lowkey hated oliver for that)

- filippa's character. it was so ?? like m.l. rio did such a bad job writing her... the idea of her character is awesome but the execution was really not, which was disappointing.

but in general i really liked it :) i read it before the secret history, so thankfully i never unconsciously compared them with eachother (which i've heard is actually really common between people who read tsh first).

i agree with you in the dark academia lumping thing sooo much. like, you often see them side by side, but the only thing they have in common is a friend group + one person dies + school setting. which really doesn't mean much considering that alot of stories are set in schools and include friend groups.

also not to mention that tsh is twice the size of iwwv 😭 idk i get so defensive when ppl bash iwwv for being worse than tsh (even tho i agree)

tbh i loved it alot but i wouldn't reread it either because the oliver and meredith parts where so 💀

m.l. rio is writing another book btw! its called grave digger. im looking forward to it because i'd like to know if she's actually a good writer or if she was only good in my 13 year old mind.

im so happy that u sent me this ask :)) its not very often that i get to talk abt iwwv with a person who agrees with me that the book is sad but not that good