#that perhaps my instinct to have a Fully Formed Right Opinion On Any Subject Ever

[livingdeaddoctor]

well boys i think we gotta pack it up for the night

[zoryany]

First Sentence Fanfic: "So let me get this straight." The personal Royal Guard of the new young Emperor stared with a crinkle of his brow; clearly not believing the tale his ruler told. "You mean to tell me that Lord Vader literally let Palpatine choke on his food and die after he insulted you during dinner? And that is how you suddenly found yourself becoming the Emperor simply because your father wanted to- putting this in kind words- flip off Palpatine even in death?"

The kid – because, kriff, that’s what this new emperor was, a kid – met his disbelief with a gentle quirk of his lips, tilt of his brow and incline of his head. ��You find that so hard to believe?” he asked mildly. It was hard to tell if he was meant to be reassured, afraid of or insulted by the amusement in the Emperor’s voice. “Perhaps you prefer the official story, the one where he died peacefully in his sleep due to natural causes. Or the rumours that he was poisoned at that meal. Or any of the other myriad of stories circulating the galaxy. Tell me, Captain – what was it again? Solo?” Han nodded a somewhat dumbstruck confirmation before the kid carried on, smile growing a shade brighter. “Tell me, Captain, did you ever meet Palpatine?”

Slowly, narrowing his eyes slightly, Han shook his head. “Can’t say I ever have, Majesty.”

There was a moment when the Emperor’s expression shifted, as though he wanted to say something, but it flickered as quickly as it had come, and that smile on the kid’s face twisted slightly, taking on a more bitter shape than it wore a second ago. “No, I didn’t think so. If you had, you might not be so surprised. I mean, you have met my father, after all – he can’t stand you you, by the way.” Han did not have time to contemplate that before the new emperor slid his gaze to the sights beyond the viewport and carried on. “He still deserved worse, though. If you knew even a fraction of the things that man had done…” 

Something ancient and haunted etched itself into the Emperor’s features, and he hardly seemed like the youth he truly was. It was enough to send the barest trace of a shiver down Han’s spine. Silence stretched between them, and Han got the impression that the kid was somewhere deep in his own thoughts.

“Y’know,” Han said quietly, trying to gently steer the Emperor back to reality, “I always got the impression that Old Wrinkly was worse than he was lettin’ on. His holonet appearances never did sit right with me.”

The distant gaze snapped back to Han and the full weight of those piercing blue eyes bore into him. He wanted to shrink beneath that gaze, to shift on the spot, and he could not quite read the Emperor’s expression, but he held himself firm, breathing a silent sigh of relief when he was met, once again, with a wry smile.

“You’re certainly more observant than most. But then, given your history, you would’ve had to be.”

While there was no judgement in the kid’s voice, it still felt odd to be so transparent in front of someone so young and so powerful. It took all he had to resist the urge to get defensive. For once, he did the smart thing and kept his mouth shut.

The kid sighed and stepped towards the viewport, eyes drifting beyond the transparisteel once more. “Palpatine left many scars upon the galaxy. I may be young, the people may not believe I have what it takes, yet, and I know I will need to earn their trust… but I will do everything in my power to heal as many of those scars as I can.” The sudden flick of those bright blues to match his own hazel was like a stab of ice right through his skull. There was something urgent just below the surface, desperate but vulnerable, and Han couldn’t decide if he wanted to withdraw from the kid or give him comfort. “Can I confess something to you, Captain?”

“Uh…” Did he have a choice? “Yeah. Sure, why not – ahh, sorry, yes, Your Majesty.”

Though the Emperor’s expression shifted, instantaneously, to a grimace, his eyes maintained a hint of that desperation, a sliver of pleading. “That’s just it – that’s exactly it. I hate how careful people have become around me, how… sycophantic. Fawning over me. Using titles, as though they were a proper form of, what, respect? It feels so false, and finding anything genuine in this new life is damn near impossible.” He paused, swallowing, before letting out a bitter scoff. “I… I never wanted… power.” The kid looked like he was torn between laughter and tears, vaguely hysterical. “Neither of them realized just how alike they were, on that subject. Power. Father and Palpatine both seemed to insist that it’s what all beings should strive for, what the ultimate goal truly is. But I never wanted that. I just, I donno, wanted to fly, to be free, to help people. I grew up seeing what power does to people and I… I don’t want to become… like that. So I’m going to use my power to heal, to help, to turn the galaxy into a place worth living in.”

Han wasn’t sure what to say. Well, no, that wasn’t true. He knew what he wanted to say – what his instinct was to say – but standing in front of the most powerful man in the known universe, who just so happened to be a kid, barely in his twenties, but capable of ending his life in any number of unpleasant ways… well, he was certain that his instincts would not be the best choice in this instance. Maybe what he needed was tenderness, but that wasn’t something Han was entirely capable of, either; in the end, he chose to reach for something in between. Resting a hesitant hand on the narrow, bony shoulder of the new emperor, Han offered the kid a soft smile. “Look, kid, I can’t say I have all – or, really, any – of the answers, but… Well, from what I’ve seen, I truly believe you have what it takes to do what this galaxy needs. And, even if you don’t, well, I’m sure as hell gonna be here with you and do whatever I can to help you erase any trace of Old Wrinkles. I’m glad that guy choked. And besides, sometimes it’s the guy who doesn’t want the power who’s actually gonna do what’s best for the little guy.”

For a long moment, Han stood frozen, hand still awkwardly on the Emperor’s shoulder, waiting for it to be snapped off, for the kid to fly into one of the violent rages his old man was known for, for anything to happen, but… all he did was stare, watery eyes fixed on the former smuggler for what felt like an eternity. But finally, after several minutes – or, perhaps it was hours – a reluctant chuckle escaped the diminutive emperor.

“There’s a lot more to you than you like to let on, Captain,” he said, no small amount of humour colouring his tone even while the wetness in his eyes persisted. “I knew there was a reason I hired you – why I like you.”

Han barked out a dry laugh, finally giving in, fully, to the absurdity of his new reality. “Well, at least one of you does. Yer old man really ain’t fond of me?”

The genuine humour was beginning to reappear in the young emperor’s features, the tragedy of his reality giving way to something he could, possibly, laugh at, if only for a moment. “Don’t take that too personally, Captain,” he said, reassuringly, “Father doesn’t like anybody. And really, you don’t want him to like you – I wouldn’t trust you nearly as much as I do if he did.” A wry smile twisted the young man’s features, fully eliminating any despair that might have lived there moments ago. “No, what you want is his respect. See, I technically outrank him, so while I respect his opinion, I have absolutely no obligation to listen to it. If I turned away everyone Father didn’t like, I would have no allies. No… Father really wouldn’t like you, at least not right away, and if he did then I wouldn’t have thought to hire you for this particular position. But I’m certain you’ll earn his respect – you’ve already earned mine. Didn’t you wonder how you landed this job?”

And really, Han had. He’d been baffled when he’d got the comm telling him that his interview had landed him a position as the new emperor’s right hand, and he could scarcely believe his most ambitious con had actually succeeded. Speaking to the kid now, though, he could almost see what had been appealing about him to this kid. Almost.

“Yeah, I got no clue.”

“I can defend myself, you know,” he announced, an edge of danger to his voice. “As my personal guard, there isn’t anything you can do to protect me that I cannot do myself.” All of a sudden, Han felt as though he was caught in a pair of crosshairs, his life meant to be snuffed at any given moment. The light expression the kid wore, however, suggested otherwise. “You do, however, have certain knowledge that I do not – you’ve experienced things I haven’t. And, what’s more, you… see me as a person. You haven’t felt comfortable once calling me Majesty. Which I appreciate. You can call me Luke, if you like.” Those baby blues were twinkling, and he was enchanted. “So long as you remain loyal and give me your honest opinion, your job will be secure, and we’ll get along just fine.”

And it was with a radiant grin that Han saw the first genuine expression of joy from the – from Luke, who appeared to be relaxing and seemed far more human than he had just moments earlier. Han allowed a small smirk and a single raised brow. “Yeah, alright, kid, I think I can handle that.” He really did look like a kid when he wrinkled his nose at the address. Han ignored it, knowing that he had some form of immunity, at this point. “So tell me, what delicacy it was, exactly, that Old Wrinkles choked to death on? I’m dying to know.” 

Not to mention he had a bet on it. But he wasn’t about to push that far, just yet, no matter how familiar this new emperor was insisting on being already.

send me things !!

[vitanes]

this one is for @miss-pulet i’m sorry for such a delay but i got a little bit carried away n ended up with over 7k words ifjisjf i hope u will like it!

a little bit of you and me

Lucas hates everything soulmates stand for, especially the lack of choice and how fake it seems to be. Don’t even get him started on how weird his mark is. He definitely never wants to meet his soulmate. 

But the universe? It always finds a way to fuck him over. 

(Or, the one with a zoo, Eliott and some difficult dilemmas.)

At the age of six, Lucas had only a vague sense of understanding what exactly soulmates were. Being more invested in cartoons and his toys, he didn’t pay much attention to the mark over his heart. Unlike some kids around him, he didn’t observe the way it’d started changing its shape to something more than a dark blob that could have been easily mistaken for a mole.

Perhaps, that’s why when one day he was taking a shower and he noticed half of his chest was covered by dark shapes, he freaked out.

It took his parents over half an hour to calm him down and then another thirty minutes to convince him that his mark wasn’t ugly or weird.

Being twenty-one, Lucas still thinks his mark is bizarre. Of course, It’s gotten smoother over the years, more realistic. It doesn’t look like a pre-schooler doodled it.

But–

Some people have flowers, flames. Normally paired up animals. He, on the contrary, has got a hedgehog and a raccoon intertwined together. With no way of knowing the meaning behind it. Especially since he’s not very keen on meeting his soulmate.

Don’t get him wrong, good for all the people that have found their destined ones, but he’d rather stay out of this business. He can go on his whole life without meeting the person that made the strange duo form on his chest.

Soulmates are overrated.

 ***

 The first day of Lucas’ summer internship at the local zoo would have been going pretty well if not for one tiny detail. Or well, not that tiny since Lucas is shorter, but. But, another intern keeps being very distracting through the whole day. From the second the guy anxiously introduced himself as Eliott, Lucas couldn’t have been able to stay calm. It doesn’t matter how hard he tries not to pay attention to him, he gives in to throwing glances now and then anyway.

The worst thing is that Eliott isn’t even doing anything special. He works with the animals, the same way Lucas or Imane and Manon do. Yet, all Lucas can do, is agonise in silence over how gentle and cute Eliott is with those they are supposed to take care of. It’s only day one, how Lucas is going to handle the next weeks is beyond him.

Having issues with being gay, but also being gay is a little bit problematic for Lucas. That’s why he hopes Eliott won’t get near him. That way Lucas will get his staring without any consequences. Besides, what business would Eliott have in talking to him?

Well, in Lucas’ opinion none.

 ***

 Lucas is feeding the dolphins. Not having any prior experience with those animals, he was slightly hesitant the few first times, but eventually, he found out it’s not scarier than dealing with a chimpanzee.

The fish in the bucket are moist and Lucas’ face scrunches up each time he reaches out for one. In order not to have one sliding out of his grasp, he needs to properly hold it and it gets harder with each one. His palms are already fully covered in mucus.

The smell is going to cling to him for days to come. But he’s there for all of the animals, isn’t he? He’s going to face even worse things, the last thing he should be unhappy about is throwing some fish into the water. Some would say it’s even relaxing. He doesn’t need to use much of his brain for this task.

With that in mind, he lets his arms do the work while he tunes out. Next thing he’ll have to do is help with cleaning up some cages. That surely is going to be plenty of fun.

Well, he must have been naïve if he had thought he’d be spending all his time there playing with animals. The kid in him jumped out and the adult forgot about all of the awaiting responsibilities.

“How’s the first day going?”

Lucas jumps, snapped out of his daze. He nearly drops the bucket with the fish, but someone grabs it in the last moment and moves it back towards his hands.

His fingers clasp around the handle. Ignoring his wildly beating heart, he looks up at the intruder.

And oh boy, if it’s not the God himself. The smile that Lucas is on the receiving end of physically pains him. It’s wide and makes Eliott’s eyes crinkle up.

Lucas is sure he probably resembles the fish very well now. With the gaping and all.

They keep staring at each other, Lucas clutching the bucket against his stomach and Eliott standing there, his hair messy and cheekbones so sharp they could cut a bitch. His gaze seems piercing through Lucas who has yet to take a breath if he doesn’t want to suffocate and fall into the water to become dolphins’ dinner.

Pretty sure dolphins don’t eat humans, but that’s beyond the point.

Eliott’s lips move, but Lucas is too out of it. He doesn’t really register anything besides how nice the timbre of Eliott’s voice is. How pleasant.

He shakes his head.

“What?”

“I was repeating my question,” Eliott says, amused and Lucas nods slowly.

Oh, yeah. A question. He can’t make Eliott utter it for the third time. He needs to remind himself what exactly scared him.

Lucas hums, dumbly, searching his mind for clues, all the while Eliott’s eyes don’t leave his face. To say it’s unnerving wouldn’t be enough. He can’t focus. Until.

“Not bad,” Lucas stutters, casually throwing yet another fish into the water. “What about you?” he adds. If he shows how chill he is with the situation, maybe Eliott will forget whatever has just happened.

“I’m having fun. I love these little guys,” Eliott says, slightly tilting forward.

Lucas’ first instinct is to stop him from potentially falling into the water and ruining his perfectly styled hair, but he refrains. They are strangers, he’s not about to cross some boundaries and potentially touch him.

“Yeah? That means you haven’t dealt with enormous dump yet.” Oh, back with the complaining.

Eliott snorts and takes one of the fish out of Lucas’ basket. He doesn’t throw it to the animals but shoves it in front of Lucas’ face. Lucas steps back from it, puzzled but doesn’t say anything. He needs to play along even if he could end up with a mouthful of raw fish. He has no idea what Eliott is capable of after all.

“A little poop has never killed anyone,” Eliott says in a deep voice, while his fingers move the fish’s mouth as to imitate talking. That’s something Lucas did not expect. But maybe he should have. Given the context, there aren’t many things Eliott could have done with the fish.

Seeing that Eliott is not some mysterious enigma makes Lucas somehow less intimidated and he rolls his eyes, sighing. He wrings the fish out of Eliott’s hands before he tosses it into the water, careful not to touch Eliott’s skin. Boundaries, right.

“You’re weird. Don’t play with food,” Lucas retorts, but a little smile appears on his face anyway. He just can’t help himself. Sue him.

“You think I’m weird?” Eliott teases, nudging Lucas in the ribs. Well, as it seems, not everyone cares about boundaries. “Well, get ready because it’s going to get only weirder from now on.” There’s a promise in Eliott’s voice, accompanied by a wicked grin and eyes full of sparks.

Lucas’ heart skips a beat.

 ***

 Lucas wasn’t all that keen on being friendly with Eliott, since Eliott is a very very cute boy. But what can one do when someone keeps on reaching out? And chatting them up? He can’t force Eliott to fuck off, he isn’t an asshole. Also, it’s not like he’s oh, so very bothered by it. Or, if he is, it’s not in the sense he ought to be.

It’s been, what, two weeks? Since Lucas has started working there. And so far Eliott has managed to work alongside him more often than not, entertaining Lucas with how he impersonates some animals or making the most mundane things sound interesting. They exchanged social media, followed each other on Instagram. Eliott has a tendency to send voice notes whenever anything out of ordinary happens. They’ve fallen into a habit of sending each other memes.

Just bro things.

Long story short, Eliott must have decided they should not only be co-workers but friends as well.

And if Lucas’ blush is from a prolonged eye-contact and not caused by physically dragging an animal from one place to another, well then, sucks to be him.

 ***

��“So, what do you think about soulmates?” Eliott asks one day when they are eating lunch.  They are both sitting at a small, tiny table with very little room between them.

Lucas swallows down his cheese and ham sandwich and shrugs.

“They exist,” he says, unbothered. He hears Eliott huff.

“Elaborate, maybe? Have you met yours? Are you excited to meet them?”

“Not really. I haven’t met them, but even if I had, I wouldn’t care.” Lucas turns to Eliott just to be met with a confused gaze. He smiles meekly. “I think it’s forced. You are expected to jump on some stranger just because your marks match? That’s bullshit. You don’t know them. Very shallow. And it’s like, what, if you fall for someone who isn’t your soulmate, it’s less valid? You have to leave them if you eventually meet that soulmate? Thank you very much. I don’t believe in its profoundness,” Lucas explains, his fingers idly playing with the sandwich.

Anyone who’s ever met him knows his opinion on the topic. He’s got many reactions whenever he spoke his mind; pity, skepticism or even understanding. But no one has ever been as baffled as Eliott is in this moment. Like he can’t quite grasp the meaning of Lucas’ words, as if this whole way of approaching the subject was unbelievable for him.  

“And you?” Lucas eventually mutters, putting his sandwich down on the table. After playing with it for too long, it doesn’t look edible. And Lucas’ fingers are sticky from butter.

The tips of Eliott’s ears are pink when he admits, “Thinking about my soulmate kind of helps me get through.”

Oh.

Eliott looks down and then to the side, his teeth biting down on his bottom lip. “It’s kind of reassuring, knowing there’s someone that will get me. Accept all of me. I feel less alone. I see your point, though. I just think that you’re bound to eventually get to know them. Being soulmates makes the connection stronger, I guess.” He looks back at Lucas, something inexplicably sad hiding in his eyes. Despite that, he still smiles softly.

“Why do you think someone who’s not your soulmate wouldn’t accept you wholly?” Lucas asks, curious. He can’t imagine a universe in which someone could dismiss Eliott.

“Let’s just say I can be hard to love,” Eliott whispers, fingers tapping an uneven rhythm on the surface of the table.

Lucas wants to disagree, but he fears he could sound foolish. After all, he barely knows Eliott.

(Deeply, Lucas disagrees anyway. Eliott must have been told that he’s hard to love by all the wrong people. The people like Lucas’ dad who made his mother believe the same.)

 ***

 Taking a walk back home with Eliott isn’t something unusual, but it sure makes Lucas aware of many things each time their shoulders brush.

They’ve been leaving the zoo together ever since they found out they don’t live far away from each other. Things feel completely different in the late evening and instead of being nervous around Eliott, Lucas finds himself getting relaxed. They don’t need to use words, especially when they pretty much use them up during the day. Sometimes they keep completely quiet right up until they part in front of Lucas’ building.

There’s a lake they pass by on their way there and that’s where they currently are at. The air around them is warm, with only a slight breeze blowing through their hair. There are still traces of the setting sun all over the sky, with its edges painted warm red. An occasional chatter coming from random passers-by’s. It’s that time of the day when the bugs start their concert. The atmosphere is peaceful, romantic even.

Lucas throws a glance towards Eliott and sees him closing his eyes, exhaling. The day was tiring and it shows on Eliott’s face just how worn out he is. But still, there’s something beautiful about him that Lucas can’t find a name for.

Eliott opens his eyes lazily as if he’s sensed he’s been watched and they look at each other for a few seconds too long. Eliott smiles at him and the back of his palm knocks against Lucas’ fingers.

Lucas feels like he could stay in this moment forever.

 ***

 Lucas should have known that a bored Eliott holding a hose would be a dangerous combination.

It hits him just how dangerous when he’s minding his business, cleaning up the cage with his own hose just to suddenly have the back of his shirt drenched in a matter of seconds. He doesn’t even have time to escape the attack.

He can hear loud cackles and after turning around, ready to throw hands, he’s faced with Eliott who’s doubling over from how hard he’s laughing.

“That’s funny to you?” Lucas asks, exasperation audible in his voice.

Eliott fans himself with his hands, visibly trying to contain his laughter, but fails horribly. What’s worse, his laughter turns into loud snorts. Lucas’ chest is filled with fondness and he can’t have that.

That’s why he raises his hose up and points it directly at Eliott’s scrunched up face. The laughter dies down immediately and Lucas can’t help, but feel smug. After seeing how ridiculously adorable Eliott looks like, it’s Lucas’ turn to crack-up. He thinks he got his point across, his revenge if you will. That’s why he’s completely caught off guard when Eliott mercilessly covers the rest of Lucas’ body in water.

It’s needless to say things can only escalate from this point on and soon enough they are having a full on fight. The only sounds audible over the stream of water are their chuckles. They get so into it that Lucas ends up in Eliott’s headlock, having the water poured down his head. His face is squished against Eliott’s chest and if they weren’t in the middle of a war, Lucas would have panicked.

But as it is, he’s way too competitive and too into it as of now. He tries to wring out of Eliott’s hold. To no avail, sadly. He only manages to pull away slightly, far enough to open his eyes.

Far enough to have his heart stutter in his chest when he sees Eliott’s skin under his soaked shirt. It’s so wet it’s become see-through and to Lucas’ horror, he’s mere centimeters from a mark he knows all too well. That isn’t on his skin.

He stops fighting against Eliott and just stares at the weird combination of animals displayed over Eliott’s heart. It’s exactly the same as Lucas’ and he looks down on himself to check whether his own mark stands out as proudly as Eliott’s.

He lets out a sigh of relief upon noticing it’s still covered.

“Please, don’t tell me I damaged you with that water,” Eliott says next to Lucas’ ear and Lucas looks up into his eyes, panicked. He must have spaced out, if the worried look on Eliott’s face is anything to go by. Their hoses have been turned off and there are tentative arms supporting Lucas’ weight against Eliott’s body.

It’s then that he realises how weak in the knees he is.

He straightens up and puts some distance between their bodies, a reassuring smile stretching his lips.

“I’m fine,” he says, his voice sounding foreign even to his ears. Eliott must catch onto something as well because he doesn’t look convinced. “Really, I’m all good,” Lucas insists and gives Eliotts a thumbs up to emphasise.

He’s far from feeling good, but he needs to leave freaking out for later. He can’t let Eliott know what he’s just found out.

Lucas nudges Eliott in the shoulder and looks around.

“We made more mess than there was, to begin with,” he says, pleased with how calm he appears. “Come on, let’s get changed and try to fix it up,” he adds.

Eliott nods, his lips pursed, and follows Lucas to the lockers. Completely unaware of all the emotional turmoil going through Lucas’ mind.

 ***

 No, no, no. Nononononono.

No.

Eliott can’t be Lucas’ soulmate. He just can’t. It’s not allowed. Maybe his eyes played some tricks on him.

Lucas is standing in the bathroom, getting ready for another day of work. He hasn’t moved for the past few minutes, though, his eyes glued to his reflection in the mirror. More precisely, to the mark on his chest. He’s never spent as much time studying the image as now. He’s trying to find any detail that would tell him his mark and Eliott’s are not the same.

Because they can’t be, shit.

Lucas has been feeling so fucking good around Eliott. Might have even started to like him. Like, the instant connection between them made him feel exhilarated. Big ‘fuck you’ to everyone claiming you can’t have an honest bond with someone that isn’t your soulmate. And sure they haven’t known each other long enough to have that depth, yet. But Lucas swears there was a potential of something grand.

Now it turns out all of that was a scam. They don’t like each other for who they are, but because the universe is telling them.

That’s the last thing Lucas wished for. This choice to make, that he was robbed off. Yet another one. If he was forced to be in a dysfunctional family, with sexuality that people were killed for, he could at least be free to choose who he wanted to love.

And it’s a shame, because Eliott is someone Lucas could see himself easily falling for.

He sighs deeply with resignation and pulls a shirt over his head. Even covering the mark doesn’t make him feel any better.

 ***

 Lucas is inclined to putting some distance between himself and Eliott, but he wants to be subtle about it. Eliott is a smart guy and if Lucas stopped whatever they have going on out of the blue, he’d get suspicious. And Lucas is pretty determined in avoiding the outcome where Eliott finds out the truth.

It’s not easy, the distance thing. For more reasons than one. They work together, Eliott is a pretty affectionate guy and a part of Lucas doesn’t want to be away from him. But what has to be done, has to be done. So Lucas throws himself into the work. It’s reasonable for him to focus on it than on messing around with his co-worker.

Eliott seems to buy it.

It gets less subtle as time passes. They still work side by side, but most of the time Lucas is left alone. He tries not to appear cold or bothered when Eliott chats him up during lunch breaks, but he also doesn’t put as much effort as before. Using his phone while Eliott talks to him may be rude, but at the very least it makes Eliott take the memo and after a couple of days, his attempts to make a conversation are very few. Eliott stops walking Lucas home and eventually, their relationship turns into one between two people that work at the same place and may not even be very fond of each other.

No lingering stares, no accidental touches and no relaxing silences.

Well, it may be cruel, but Lucas would rather have Eliott not liking him than knowing they are soulmates.

The internship will end at some point and they won’t have to see each other ever again anyway. That’s what Lucas tells himself every time he wants to reach out to Eliott.

Everything goes on like that for quite some time and Lucas makes peace with it. He convinces himself that he stopped the storm before it properly started. Everything is good up until Manon suggests they all should grab dinner together, hang out a little bit since they’ve gotten familiar enough with the whole staff working at the zoo. No one seems to be against the idea.

For a moment Lucas tries to come up with an excuse not to come, but he quickly talks himself out of it. With nearly everyone participating, there will be a pretty big crowd. Just because he’s avoiding Eliott, it doesn’t mean he has to shut himself off completely. The chances are, they won’t even run into each other. Right?

 ***

 It’s only Lucas’ luck that he ends up sandwiched between Imane and Manon all the while Eliott is sitting right across him. And he’d have to be stupid not to notice the expectant looks Eliott keeps throwing his way.

He pretends he’s stupid, though, and with his head hanging low, he tries to seem as engrossed in his food as he can.

The fact everyone’s talking amongst each other and they don’t pay much attention to him besides asking him to pass them something is good. The fact he’s hyper aware of Eliott at any second not so much, though.

The girls are having a discussion over his head that more people start joining in and Lucas wishes he could participate, act normally, but he hasn’t slept much lately and his mind is too full. All he craves is some quiet.

Someone kicks him under the table. Not hard, giving him a way to brush it off as an accident. And that’s how he knows it’s Eliott.

Lucas is tired. Tired of the avoiding, of how he screwed up the friendship that has started blossoming between them. All because he’s a stuck-up bitch who denies himself good things in life because of reasons. Even if they are soulmates it doesn’t have to mean everything between them will be completely fake.

He doesn’t want to deny Eliott any longer.

That’s why he looks up.

He’s met with an anxious smile tugging at Eliott’s lips, but determination lighting up his eyes.

“Want to leave?” he mouths, tilting his head towards the exit.

Lucas doesn’t hesitate before nodding.

The first minutes after they’ve left, they are just walking aimlessly around, not uttering a single world. And it’s not the same comfortable silence they shared before. Lucas knows it’s his fault for creating that gap between them.

They were fast to go from strangers to friends to strangers again.

“The weather is nice tonight,” Eliott breaks the quiet and Lucas needs a moment to process. It’s weird to hear Eliott speaking to him so casually all of sudden.

“The weather? Really?” Lucas retorts, hoping he doesn’t sound hostile.

“Why not? It’s better than nothing.” Lucas sees Eliott shrugging out of the corner of his eye.

Lucas sighs and moves a hand over his face. “I’m sorry for acting so weird lately,” he says, glancing at Eliott.

“It’s okay, we’re all a little weird from time to time,” Eliott’s voice is calm when he speaks, but there’s something hidden underneath it. “You know, sometimes I feel like leaving everything behind and starting over. Sometimes I do things that normally I wouldn’t. We all have our demons.”

Lucas bites down on his lip. Eliott is sharing something personal with him to make Lucas feel more comfortable. To justify the way he’s behaved. Lucas isn’t sure how to feel about it.

“I shouldn’t have acted like a dick, though,” he says, frowning and Eliott’s gaze lays on him.

“You shouldn’t have,” he agrees, his voice full of emotion. Lucas feels like there’s more Eliott wants to add, but he only settles on a soft, “Are you better now?”

Lucas stops walking and Eliott does the same. He turns towards Lucas so they are facing each other and Lucas can’t stop his heart from beating faster when he meets Eliott’s eyes. When he realises how close they are after weeks of distance.

They stare at each other, both searching and expectant. The evening air around them is thick with anticipation.

Lucas tilts his chin up. “Yeah, I am,” he whispers and gets the brightest smile in return.

 ***

 There’s more between them now than there was before. The looks are growing bolder and gestures are going way beyond friendly. Their feet are pressed together during their breaks and there are smiles reserved solely for each other. There’s an unspoken what are we every time they get too close. Eliott pulls Lucas in and Lucas doesn’t resist. He doesn’t want to resist even if it’s against everything he believes in. Everything is the same, but at the same things have changed dramatically.

For example, now, Eliott invited Lucas to come over. He’s never done that. Besides the dinner and their walks after work, they’ve never hung out outside the zoo.

They’ve ordered pizza and have been drinking beer, the atmosphere relaxing and soothing. They are sitting next to each other on the couch, their knees brushing against each other. They’ve eaten almost everything and Lucas feels heavy. Tired. Like he could fall asleep in seconds. The fact he’s surrounded by warmth makes him even lazier.

He turns his head and he looks at Eliott. He doesn’t even flinch when Eliott notices and stares at him back. Lucas lets himself watch. He marvels at how the light reflects in Eliott’s eyes, how soft his hair seems to be and how inviting his parted lips are. There mere centimeters keeping them apart feel like they are kilometer long, but at the same time like there’s no space left for air between them.

It’d be so easy to kiss Eliott in this moment. And maybe Eliott would kiss him back.

Lucas stands up before he inches closer and changes things even more.

He can feel Eliott’s eyes on his back when he takes his steps further away from the couch. He takes a look at Eliott’s face and he seems to be asking why do you keep running away? to which Lucas’ only answer would be I’m scared.

The territory they are currently crossing is as tempting as it is dangerous. Considering everything Lucas’ knows about their supposed bond, he doesn’t dare to take the leap towards his destiny.

What if all he feels towards Eliott is only caused by the soulmate thing? It’s killing him, the lack of knowledge about his own matters of the heart. What part of all of this is genuine and how much of it is just a cunning ploy designed by the universe? What if none of it is truly real?

His eyes land on a drawing of a raccoon. The blood drains from his face and his breath hitches in his throat.

“What is this?” He points at the image, feigning nonchalance.

Eliott moves from the couch and comes to a stop directly behind Lucas. His front is almost touching Lucas’ back and he rests his chin on Lucas’ shoulder. His exhale tickles the side of Lucas’ neck, raising goosebumps over his skin.

“It’s me,” he says.

Lucas scoffs and turns his head slightly to the side to get a proper look at Eliott’s face. “Huh?”

“Like a spirit animal?” Eliott offers sheepishly.

Lucas stares at him, partly amused and partly baffled.

“So, like your fursona?” he asks, his tone teasing and Eliott’s eyes widen.

“I don’t think that’s what a spirit animal is,” he mutters, his cheeks growing redder with each passing second.

“Spirit animals are like in Native American’s culture, though. I believe you are just a regular furry, buddy,” Lucas retorts and reaches behind to pat Eliott sympathetically on the shoulder.

“This is embarrassing,” Eliott mumbles and hides his face in Lucas’ neck. Only then does Lucas realise how close they are. Despite the fact that he moved away earlier just to avoid something exactly like that happening.

“It’s okay,” he says meekly and clears his throat. “I accept you,” Lucas adds, letting out a chuckle right after.

Eliott buries his face deeper in the place where Lucas’ neck and shoulder connect. Eliott is clearly ashamed. “I’m not a furry,” he insists, his lips moving against Lucas’ skin and sending a shiver down his spine. They stay like that for what feels like forever and then, “You’d be a hedgehog.”

 ***

 “How’s the internship going?” Yann asks while Lucas is taking a sip from his bottle.

Seeing how they all have been busy both with preparations for the uni to start and their jobs, it’s amazing that Lucas, Yann, and Arthur managed to find one evening when they were free and could chill together. Lucas has to admit he’s missed his friends and how he doesn’t have to worry about anything around them. Besides, it’s nice to escape the conflicting Eliott-feelings for at least a few hours. They’ve been so close ever since they reconciled that at times it gets overwhelming. Lucas wonders if it’s this intense because they are soulmates.

He wipes his mouth with the back of his palm and puts his beer down.

“It’s okay. Tiring,” he says, crossing his arms over his chest.

“You reek of animals,” Arthur chimes in and Lucas huffs.

“I do not,” he retorts. Lucas can admit, the smell was hard at the very beginning, but he’s been taking two showers a day and he’s bought shower gels that are supposed to be efficient. So he does not reek.

Unless he’s just got very used to that animal fragrance.

“You kinda do, dude,” Yann adds, kicking Lucas’ ankle. Arthur snorts and the two of them high five each other.

He needs new friends.

“Anyways, guys! I have news. I met my soulmate,” Arthur announces proudly, his grin blinding.

Lucas rolls his eyes. Amazing news. Really. Ten out of ten.

Yann congratulates Arthur, of course, and that’s when it hits Lucas and he sits up straighter.

“Didn’t you have a boyfriend?” he asks and is surprised at how harsh he sounds.

Arthur tilts his head to the side, his eyes narrowed. “Yeah? So?”

“So you just broke up with him?”

That’s fucking why Lucas hates soulmates. They ruin everything. Whichever higher power decided this concept was okay, must have been really fucked up–

“I didn’t?” Arthur looks between Yann and Lucas, baffled. “Why would I?”

“Because you met your soulmate?”

“So? We hit it off, sure, but there aren’t any other feelings between us? I like her as a friend, but I love my boyfriend. And she’s a lesbian. So any feelings beyond platonic are impossible,” Arthur explains, his tone edging on being defensive, but at the same staying composed.

“I don’t understand. Isn’t a soulmate supposed to be the love of your life? Written in the stars and all that shit?” Lucas asks, feeling more and more stupid after receiving puzzled looks from Arthur and Yann.

“Sure it happens, but mostly when the people like, fall for each other, you know? The stars aren’t in control of your feelings, though. Your soulmate is just a person you vibe with. Can be romantic, can be platonic. Hell, some people hate each other’s guts but are soulmates. Being soulmates with someone just means you two get each other on some deeper level. The connection is stronger. But developing romantic feelings for them? Or any at all? That’s all just chemicals in your brain,” Arthur explains, his index finger pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

“Yeah, and some people are convinced that soulmates are solely romantic and get together with them the second they meet. Later on, they realise they have no romantic feelings for the person and puff,” Yann adds and Arthur nods at his words.

Lucas feels as if his whole world has shifted off its axis.

Wow. His mind? Blown.

This honestly changes the perspective.

“You okay, Lucas?” Yann asks, watching him like he’s grown a second head.

“Yeah, I’m just processing,” he mumbles, staring down at his lap.

So, his whole life has been a lie. How does one just recover from that? Why has no one ever told him all of that? Now what? He can let himself… feel? Without second thoughts and always stepping back?

As if on cue, his phone vibrates in his pocket. He pulls it out and there’s a notification staring back at him. A message from Eliott. He hesitates for a moment before he clicks on it.

see you tomorrow at the zoo gate at 9pm

Lucas clutches the phone to his chest and looks up at the ceiling, disbelieving.

 ***

 He didn’t get more information from Eliott, but supposing Eliott didn’t cancel, they’re still on. Lucas has no idea what Eliott could have planned, especially there out of all places. After everything Lucas has found out the day before, he doesn’t care that much. He’s just excited to meet up with Eliott and finally stop holding back.

Funny how he needed to be told that his feelings for Eliott aren’t caused solely on the fact they are soulmates. Although, considering his aversion towards the whole concept and his past experiences, it’s not surprising that he couldn’t believe it earlier.

Now, he can finally breathe freely. He’s glad he didn’t fuck up their relationship to the point of no return. He’s glad they haven’t parted their ways yet before anything could happen. Maybe it’s high time Lucas forgave the universe. At least partly.

It’s dark outside and he’s thankful for the fact the zoo management spends so much money on keeping the area around lit up. Otherwise, he’d have been spooked.

Waiting at the gate, Lucas wonders when Eliott is going to arrive. There are still a couple of minutes left and Lucas is sure Eliott wouldn’t be late – he tends to be anxiously early when it comes to the job. So there’s no need to worry about having to wait too long. Unless Eliott stands him up. But he wouldn’t, would he? God, Lucas should have texted him something more besides an okay.

“Hey, hey,” someone is whisper-shouting and Lucas turns around to face the gate that has now been slightly opened. He sees Eliott waving at him to come in and without a single thought, Lucas complies.

After that, Eliott shuts the gate closed again and smiles widely at Lucas.

“What are we doing?” Lucas asks in a hushed voice.

“We are having a date,” Eliott answers, his tone solemn. Lucas can feel the heat creeping up his neck after hearing those words.

A date. They are having a date a day after Lucas realised that whatever they have is real. The fate isn’t fucking around, huh.

But there’s something gnawing at his conscience.

“What about the guards? The cameras? We could be fired for it,” Lucas states, getting antsy at the mere thought.

“A little birdie told me which place is almost never checked and well, let’s say the security will be looking away from certain monitors tonight, if you know what I mean.” Eliott winks at him.

The realisation dawns on Lucas and he opens his mouth. “You didn’t. You know bribing is illegal?”

“Worth it,” Eliott says and shrugs, still beaming at Lucas. “Also, the internships are almost over so not much to lose. Come on.” He tugs on Lucas’ sleeve and drags him in an unknown direction. Lucas lets Eliott guide him without any objections.

They end up by the hippo exhibit and Lucas stops in his tracks. It’s not the place that shocks him, but the blanket laying on the ground with food waiting on it and all the candles carefully placed all over the area. It’s probably unsafe, but everything be damned no one has ever prepared something like that for him.

Eliott has sat down and is fidgeting in place, looking everywhere, but at Lucas. It’s endearing, really.

“I hope I didn’t overdo it,” he admits quietly, his fingers playing with the sleeves of his hoodie.

Lucas comes closer, wary not to knock any of the candles over. He crouches in front of Eliott and grabs both of his hands.

“It’s perfect. Really,” he murmurs, a soft smile tugging at the corners of his lips and Eliott visibly relaxes.

After that Lucas sits down, reluctantly letting go of Eliott’s palms, and they start eating. An easy banter flows between the two of them and Lucas feels truly content. If someone had told him he’d be on a date with Eliott a few weeks ago, he’d have wholeheartedly disagreed with them. Now, it’s like everything is finding its place.

Funny how fast things change. How they don’t need many words to navigate that fragile thing between them. Lucas just feels like he belongs right there, with Eliott. And he hopes Eliott feels the same.

There’s some fear in Lucas, though. Fear of how Eliott could start acting if only he found out about who they were to each other. Because well, Lucas knows what he feels right now. With or without the soulmate aspect, he’d have fallen for Eliott. And Eliott seems to like him as well, but Lucas knows how Eliott is about soulmates. How important it’s for him. What if he goes overboard once he learns the truth?

“Are we dating now?”

Lucas looks up from his nearly empty plate at Eliott, snapped out of his thoughts. Eliott seems shy and uncertain.

“Do you want us to?” Lucas asks, his heart beating fast and loud.

Eliott shifts closer to Lucas, kneeling in front of him and Lucas straightens up.

Eliott’s voice is shaky when he speaks. “Can I confess something?”

Lucas only nods in response.

Eliott reaches out for Lucas’ hand and before saying whatever he wants to say, he puts Lucas’ palm over his heart. Presses it against his chest. If Lucas focuses hard enough, he can feel the quick thump thump thump under his fingertips. The gesture is even grander for him since he knows just what exactly rests on the skin he’s touching through the material.

Eliott doesn’t let go. He closes his eyes and exhales harshly through the nose, bracing himself. Then, he looks deeply into Lucas’ eyes. “I’m bipolar, Lucas. I think you should know that,” he pauses to take a deep breath before continuing, “and a lot of people tried to convince me that anything I feel is a delusion caused by my illness. But I know that what I’m feeling right now, with you, is true,” he admits, his gaze unwavering.

“And what are you feeling?” Lucas asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

“That you are the only one I want,” Eliott answers like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“Yeah?” Lucas inches closer, up until he’s on Eliott’s eye level. His fingers curl up over Eliott’s heart.

“Yeah,” Eliott breathes out against Lucas’ mouth.

They stare at each other for a few more seconds before Lucas captures Eliott’s lips in a kiss. It’s desperate and messy at first, but they quickly find their rhythm. And despite them having never kissed before, it feels they’ve already done it over a thousand times. It’s familiar.

Like coming home.

 ***

 He’s going to tell Eliott. Lucas needs to do so or else it’ll kill him.

It’s been almost two weeks since their zoo date(no one was captured and candles didn’t burn anything down, much to Lucas’ surprise) and they’ve been together ever since. It’s been amazing. Lucas has never felt happier if he’s being completely honest. One can take whatever they want from it. The point is, that despite things going well, there hasn’t been a day when Lucas didn’t think about the soulmate secret.

Eliott deserves to know. And not when they end up being shirtless together. No, Lucas needs to be honest with him. Eliott told him things about himself despite his fears. So Lucas owes him. And there’s no better occasion to spill his guts than during their next date.

They are at an amusement park. The summer is about to end and Eliott was adamant on going there. Said there’s no better way to celebrate going back to adult life than getting in touch with their inner younger selves. Lucas couldn’t argue with that, especially when Eliott looked at him with those eyes.

Now they are walking hand in hand, munching on some candy floss and thinking of where to go next. Lucas can’t find the right moment to reveal the truth to Eliott and it’s awful.

“Can I ask you something personal?” Eliott asks, grabbing one of Lucas’s hands and swaying it back and forth.

Lucas hums.

“I know we’ve talked about soulmates before.” Oh, fuck, oh, shit he’s seen right through Lucas and is about to call him out, isn’t he? “You told me why you hate the phenomenon. But I was wondering if something happened for you to be so against it?” So Eliott is only curious about it? That’s great.

No need to stress it.

“My parents were married for years, but then my dad met his soulmate and left in an instant,” Lucas says and feels Eliott squeezing his palm. Something warm spreads through his chest. “I wish my tragic backstory was more interesting. But you know what?”

“Hmm?”

“I’ve been kind of warming up to this whole thing. I talked to some people. And yeah,” he finishes lamely and glances briefly at Eliott. Who for some reason, is grinning.

“Maybe let’s go there,” Lucas suggests, pointing towards a giant roller coaster.

He hears Eliott huff and then saying in a gentle tone, “Sure.”

Soon enough they are buckled up and holding each other’s hands like their life depended on it. The moment they are moving, Lucas regrets ever thinking it was a good idea.

He closes his eyes against the wind and he’s sure his fingernails are going to leave half-moon shaped marks all over the back of Eliott’s palm.

At some point, they come to a stop and Lucas opens his eyes, relieved it’s the end just to find out they are very fucking high. About to drop. God fucking save him.

“Hey, Lucas!” Eliott shouts and Lucas turns towards him. Seeing him relaxed and smiling grounds Lucas, no matter how cheesy it sounds.

“What?”

Eliott sobers up in a matter of seconds. “Remember that time we had this water fight? And we went to change?” Lucas nods. Of course, he remembers. Everything has been turned upside down since then. “I saw you changing your shirt,” he says, a meaningful look over his face.

Lucas squints at him, his brain not quite catching up with what he’s just heard. Eliott squeezes his hand again today and Lucas gapes when he realises what kind of bomb Eliott has dropped on him. He wants to say something, but before he has a chance to, they are falling down.

And despite that, the only thing he sees is Eliott.

[cynicalcreationist-blog]

Vanishing Grace

PossessedbyLucifer - AO3

Chapter 2: Being Human

Summary:

Lucifer is having trouble adjusting to his humanity; Dean still hesitates to trust Lucifer; Lucifer reveals something that is rather unsettling about the situation.

“Good to see you too, Sammy. Anyways, it’s not important. Right now, it’s important that we get my grace back, yeah?”

“What do you mean by ‘endless’? I thought an angel’s grace was limited once it was extracted…”

“Ding, ding, ding! That’s exactly right. But… I’m not, exactly, an ordinary angel, am I?”

®®®

“Sam, he’s human. It’s painfully obvious,” Dean had, to his own distaste, decided to believe the Devil, for now.

“Well, that will keep him from being much of a threat, right? I don’t see how that’s bad,” Sam pondered the idea of Lucifer being human. It was actually tragically ironic in the most hilarious way.

“It’s bad, because someone… something is out there with an endless energy source!” Lucifer had crawled out of the dungeon (not literally) and found himself following Dean to find Sam. Even without his grace, he seemed to be good at just appearing out of nowhere, because the brothers jumped just slightly at his voice and turned to look at him.

“You let him out?” Sam asked, confused. That didn’t seem like Dean at all.

“No, I didn’t- how-“ Dean was at a loss for words, rather unable to figure out how Lucifer got himself out.

Lucifer just shrugged, leaning on the doorway for support, seeing as he still needed it. “Good to see you too, Sammy. Anyways, it’s not important. Right now, it’s important that we get my grace back, yeah?”

The brothers were quiet until Sam spoke up. “What do you mean by ‘endless’? I thought an angel’s grace was limited once it was extracted…”

Lucifer chuckled slightly, making a ringing noise as if Sam had answered correctly on a game show. “Ding, ding, ding! That’s exactly right. But… I’m not, exactly, an ordinary angel, am I?”

Sam raised an eyebrow, deciding to push onwards with his curiosity. “Archangel grace holds different properties?”

“Correct again, Sammy!” Lucifer glanced over at Dean with a certain hatred, but it came out as more of a distaste. “You’re behind two points, pretty boy.”

That earned a roll of Dean’s eyes, to which Lucifer responded with, “yeah, roll your eyes at me. You might find something back there besides your over-inflated ego.”

Sam stifled a laugh, which Dean glared at him. Sam tried to justify himself; “what? Devil or not, that’s hilarious.”

Dean sighed in exasperation then tried to change the subject. “So, why is an archangel’s grace endless?”

Lucifer didn’t answer Dean. Probably out of spite. He looked expectantly towards Sam.

But Sam was only confused, and he looked at Dean for an answer.

Dean only grumbled, thoroughly annoyed. “I swear, you’re like a thirteen-billion-year-old child!” He spoke up after quietly voicing his thoughts, looking at Sam. “He wants to talk to you, not me.”

It was Sam’s turn to roll his eyes. He shouldn’t have expected any less from Lucifer. His brother and the archangel never got along.

Well, Dean did shoot him with the Colt. And throw his Apocalypse off track. And throw his ass in the cage. His hatred was justified.

Then again, it worked the other way around, too. The Winchesters’ lives had been complete hell from the beginning all thanks to little Luce.

Sam opened his mouth to speak, but Lucifer spoke first, seeming concerned with himself. “Sam, you’re human. Why does my stomach hurt so badly?”

It hit the Winchesters like a train: the fact that Lucifer was human. And he now had to deal with everything that came with being human. Oh, this was going to be a long week…

“That’s hunger, Lucifer. It means you need to eat,” Sam explained, gesturing to the kitchen. “There’s food in the fridge if you want to figure out what you want.”

For a moment, Lucifer didn’t really move, since the reality of the situation was hitting him hard. Wow, he already hated being human. It sucked. And he was a bit afraid to eat. He never had, before. What did food taste like, anyway? Was it good? And the process of digestion; was it painful? These thoughts made the former archangel far too uneasy to actually do anything about his body’s starving needs. “I think I’ll pass…”

Dean didn’t really care whether or not Lucifer took care of himself, but Sam seemed to. He walked over to Lucifer, and, for once, Lucifer actually felt a little intimidated by Sam’s height. It was probably natural human instinct. But he pushed that down, considering he believed Sam was his only ‘friend’ here.

“Come on, I’ll help you, okay? I guess it could be kind of weird trying to do something you’ve never done before without a little bit of help…” Sam was sympathetic, especially compared to Dean, who only glared onwards at the Devil’s form retreating into the kitchen, followed by his younger brother. Stupid Satan.

An hour later, Lucifer discovered that he would refuse to live on Sam’s diet, which he so artfully named the “tasteless, eat-less diet”, or he occasionally switched it up with “the unbe-leaf-able diet”, which got a facepalm from Sam and made Lucifer happy. Instead, he stole Dean’s leftovers from the last burger stop, finding it to be the only edible thing that didn’t take long to prepare (Dean did not know his hamburger was stolen, and there would surely be consequences).

Lucifer seemed to be content, no longer complaining of the pain called hunger. It annoyed him more than anything, only further reminding him of his newfound mortality.

And, seeing the Devil was satisfied, Sam decided to push onwards on the whole ‘endless grace’ thing. It kind of seemed important.

But Sam didn’t get to ask. Even without his grace, Lucifer could tell what was on Sam’s mind. “Dad made us so that we would get stronger with time. He wanted us to have… something of a childhood… and then, when we matured, we would be strong enough to fight Amara. So, our grace was something he tampered with before our creation. For every bit of power we use, we only get stronger, whereas normal angels have a constant, non-depleting supply of power, as long as their grace remains intact. The more us archangels fight and heal and use our wings, the stronger those components become. There really is no way to measure the amount of grace one has, but, let’s say, for explanation’s sake, for every unit of power we use, we regain a unit, plus part of another one. And for every century our grace exists, it gains five units of power. Does that make sense? It could probably be represented with some complicated Calculus…” Lucifer really was trying to explain it in a way that Sam could understand, but it was hard to explain something so abstract. It didn’t stop him from trying, though.

Sam seemed to understand, though, nodding slightly as he thought about it. “And, let me guess, the grace doesn’t need a host to continue multiplying?”

“Exactly. Anyone could create an infinite power source with it that is just going to get more and more dangerous.”

Finally, it seemed, Sam realized why Lucifer was so insistent on coming to them, despite the obvious danger. They actually had a common enemy, now. One that could wipe out the human race and more.

But a question arose in Sam’s mind, which he voiced, “but what would happen if a normal angel took the grace? Or even a human?”

Lucifer shook his head just slightly, easily able to answer such a question, as if he’d thought of the very same thing beforehand. “A human wouldn’t be able to take any of that grace without imploding. It’s too great a power for anything that… fragile.” He cast Sam an almost longing look at that. Perhaps he still somewhat longed to be in Sam’s body. After all, it was his true vessel. His most comfortable home. Even if Nick sufficed, surely he still longed for Sam…

But he pushed those thoughts aside, continuing with his answer. “And an angel could only take small quantities of it at a time without suffering the same fate. I wouldn’t know of anything else that could handle that much power without collapsing in on itself.”

“What about a demon? One like Abaddon or Crow-“

“No way in hell could scum like that handle any of my power.” Lucifer didn’t even let Sam say his name. It seemed he was still a bit touchy on that whole subject. It wasn’t all that surprising, though. His opinion on demons hadn’t changed in the slightest. Again, not surprising.

While Sam was thinking about who could possibly be able to contain that kind of power, Lucifer seemed to go rather quiet. That caught Sam’s attention. “What is it, Lucifer?”

“Nothing, Sam. I’m just unsure of what this feeling is.” That was a half-truth, but Sam didn’t push, for now.

“What kind of feeling is it?”

“It’s in my throat… I don’t know…”

“That might be thirst. Here, let’s get you some water…”

®®®

“Dean, something’s out there with a lot of power. We can’t just back down from this one!” Sam and Dean were arguing in the next room over while Lucifer seemed to be exploring different tastes in liquid. Water, beer, vitamin water…

“Sam, I’ve had enough of this! I’ve saved the world enough times in the past several years. Maybe someone else can take a hit for us this time, yeah? Besides, who’s saying he’s even telling the truth?! Maybe he’s just trying to use us to get his misplaced grace back!”

“He’s not lying,” Sam said, rather sure of himself. Why? Because he trusted Lucifer. He trusted him far more than Dean ever would. It was something he couldn’t really explain, but he felt as if Lucifer couldn’t lie to him. And he wasn’t too far off.

Sam was the only person that Lucifer would feel guilty lying to. And Lucifer couldn’t feel guilty. It would mean he was wrong. It would mean he was the bad guy. And he told himself over and over again that he wasn’t. He couldn’t contradict that. Not after everything.

“So you trust the Devil?” Dean scoffed. Obviously, he was skeptical. There was really no reason Dean found he could fully believe Lucifer’s story. After all, it’s not like people were dying on a mass scale. In fact, the world seemed relatively peaceful. They hadn’t had a case in over a week.

Actually, that was concerning. They never didn’t have work. That was kind of odd…

“Yes, Dean, as a matter of fact, I do. And you should, too.” Sam was irritated that Dean couldn’t see past his own hatred for the archangel. It was to be expected, but it was still infuriating.

“Why?”

“Because… because I just do, okay?!” Sam snapped at Dean, which only ticked Dean off.

“Whatever. You take care of him, then.” Dean huffed as he grabbed his jacket, heading up the stairs to the door.

“Hey, where are you going?!” Sam didn’t really want to be left alone with Lucifer, even if he was only human.

“I’m goin’ for a drive. I’ll be back in an hour.”

®®®

“I don’t understand. If she hates this ‘Stacy’ girl so much, why doesn’t she just kill her? It would surely get rid of her problems.”

“Because killing is illegal, Lucifer.”

“You two do it all of the time, Sam. Are you simply exempt from the law?”

Sam sighed, shaking his head, deciding to leave the room, going out to the kitchen to get a beer.

He heard the bunker door close, and he assumed Dean was home. It had been way more than an hour, and Sam had been tense from the moment he left.

Dean came into the kitchen with a few groceries and the day’s paper, setting everything down on the counter, then glancing around. “Where’s Lucifer?”

Sam only sighed, walking over to the bedrooms wordlessly.

Dean followed cautiously, unsure of what Sam was doing.

Sam opened the door to his bedroom, and Lucifer was sitting on his bed, enveloped in a TV show.

“What the hell? What is he even watching?”

“I don’t know. He just came in here and made himself comfortable. He started yelling at the TV at some point, and I found him just like this.”

“Is this a high school drama?”

Sam shrugged.

“Because nothing is more fascinating than watching the real-life, human drama unfold in front of me because you two just don’t cut it.” Lucifer’s tone was pure sarcasm. “You guys realize I can hear you, right?”

Dean cleared his throat awkwardly. He still felt uncomfortable with Lucifer so close to Sam. Close to him, even. Sure, Lucifer was powerless, but he was still the same Devil.

Sam sighed, going into the room and picking up the TV remote, turning it off, which brought a negative response from Lucifer.

“Hey, I was watching that-“

“Do you want your wings back or not?”

Lucifer went silent at the mention of his wings. He obviously wanted his wings back. More than anything.

Sam had a feeling Lucifer wasn’t going to answer him, so he assumed his silence was a ‘yes’. “Then we need to know everything you can remember from… whatever happened.”

Lucifer nodded slowly, sighing. But he remained silent.

“Lucifer?” Sam was confused. Maybe Lucifer had gotten lost in thought? Or maybe he was too shy to answer. After all, he’d been beaten pretty badly. But whatever it was left him alive… that was something.

“Sam, I’m sorry, I’m trying, but…. Well, there’s nothing there… I remember… I was in… in, uh… Idaho, I think, and then it just goes black… and then I’m practically crawling through your front door… Wait, no, I remember I was in a lot of pain… and chains…” Lucifer genuinely looked upset and panicked. Lucifer was so used to remembering everything. Every little detail from the past fourteen billion years of his life. Drawing blank like this? He didn’t know how to react.

Sam sighed and shook his head, looking at Dean. “Now what? Go to Idaho?”

Dean thought for a moment, then said, “No, I think we should try to figure something else out. That could have been weeks ago. And it would take a lot of time that we don’t have to get to Idaho.”

Lucifer got up from the bed, which instinctively made Dean reach for his gun, and, Lucifer, being smart and cautious with his newfound mortality, stopped moving. “Woah, hold it there, cowboy. I’m not going to snap anyone’s neck.”

Lucifer looked mildly annoyed – not really scared or anything – while Dean took his hand off the gun, letting Lucifer pass by him.

The former archangel ended up in the kitchen, going for a snack of some kind, but his eyes caught the paper, instead. Interested, he unrolled it, picking it up and reading it, flipping through the pages. Something caught his eyes. “Sam!”

It was amazing how fast Sam appeared in the kitchen. It was almost like he ran. Maybe he thought Lucifer had hurt himself, but he was a little confused when he saw Lucifer perfectly fine, just standing there, holding the paper.

“Yes, Lucifer?” He sighed out the question. Oh, maybe he was disappointed Lucifer hadn’t been hurt.

Lucifer turned the paper towards him, pointing at a headline. “This sounds like your guys’ kind of thing, yeah? A vampire, maybe?”

Sam quickly read over the headline. It didn’t give a lot of information, but yeah… it looked like a vampire. He nodded.

“Perfect. A vampire can’t be too difficult, right? Take it easy for my first case.”

“Your what?” Dean had arrived only just after Sam, and he just now decided to speak up.

“My first case. The more I work, the closer I’ll get to finding my wings, yeah? Sitting around won’t find them.

"Lucifer, you can't come with. It's going to be dangerous, and I can’t rely on you to watch my back," Dean declared, watching the former archangel cross his arms over his chest in irritation.

"And why not?"

Dean rolled his eyes, giving him an answer: "because you're not up to par right now. You can't even hold your own! And you’re… you!"

Lucifer scoffed, looking mildly offended. "Yes, I can! And that’s discrimination!" And, with that, Dean quickly tripped him, and Lucifer hit the floor with an ungraceful thud, followed by a grunt.

"You can't even fight me," Dean observed, feeling mildly proud that he knocked the Devil on his ass.

Lucifer brushed himself off as he rose to his feet, a light pink dusting his cheeks from embarrassment. "W-well, I'm not used to these... These humanly slow reflexes! It's not my fault! I'll figure it out," he huffed, before pointing his thumb towards his back, continuing; " besides, these are my wings. One step closer. Like Hell I'm gonna let you go find them without me. I'd rather die."

Dean shot Sam a glance, who had been quiet up until this point, as he grumbled, “Yeah, well that can be arranged...”

"No, Dean, we can't kill him."

Dean looked annoyed with that, but he decided not to push on.

It was silent for a few moments, and Sam decided he needed to fill Dean in on everything Lucifer had told him in the kitchen, earlier. “Dean, I need to talk to you.”

“Yeah, Sam, convince him I can come with-“

“Not… not about that.” Sam sighed, pulling Dean away from Lucifer, into the main area of the bunker. “So, get this…”

To be continued.