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dameronology · 4 years ago

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love in the time of p.t.a. meetings {marcus moreno} - 4/5

summary: after a few months of slightly chaotic bliss, you & marcus start to think about the next steps in your relationship. {series masterlist}

warnings: swearing

this is up a little later than i wanted & i do apologise, i once again stayed up all night and i cannot recount a single thing i’ve done. enjoy!

- jazz

Things between you and Marcus quickly fell into a routine.

You kind of had to when you both had kids; their lives needed structure. Depended on it, in fact. It wasn’t long before both of your lives were entangled in more ways than one, mostly for the sake of Missy and Jack having security around them but also because things between you were so good. Neither of you were trying to rush by any means, but when it worked, it worked. You were both good at communicating with each other - not that many issues really cropped up - and you both understood that your children came first. Things progressed easily and naturally, and he made you feel secure enough that you didn’t have to question whether or not it was too good to be true.

Five months had quickly passed and you were both comfortable. Marcus Moreno was your boyfriend and it wasn’t a big deal. Okay, it had been at first - especially the first time he planted a kiss on your lips in front of the minivan brigade - but now? It was normal. It felt like he’d always been there, and you took it as a good sign. You got on well with Missy, especially since she’d witnessed your spat with Carol and started to think the world of you, and Jack...well, he was obsessed with Marcus. You couldn’t blame the kid.

‘Jack! Put the soup down!’

It was another one of those mornings. It was a Sunday, so you didn’t have to worry about getting up early for school or work but you’d been at Marcus’ till late the night before. You and Jack ended up spending a lot of time at his; there was a swimming pool and a big garden for Optimus Prime to run around in, so it tired both of your tiny spawns out, which worked in your favour.

Even when the kid had spent four hours swimming last night, he’d still risen that morning at 6AM like Jesus Christ on the third day. You’d woken to find the kitchen covered in smashed eggs and ham, then your oven had broken and the toilet was blocked again.

You’d been halfway through reversing the problem when you’d heard Jack shuffling in the kitchen. You were stood in the hallway, still in your pyjamas, with a toilet brush in one hand and the other balled up into a fist.

‘Jack, the soup is about to-’

You paused mid-sentence, watching as the bowl he was trying to reach for toppled straight off of the counter. You’d only washed his hair ten minutes ago, and you might as well have not fucking bothered because it was now covered in chunky vegetable soup. And the Chewbacca onesie he loved so much? Trying to peel that off him for the next few hours to wash the Heinz out of it was going to be a whole task in itself. You’d only just been to the laundrette the day before, and you’d gotten to the point in life where having a place with its own washing machine was a sign of success.

‘Mum, there’s soup in my hair.’

‘It’s okay.’ You took a moment to breath. ‘We are not going to cry.’

‘I’m not crying.’

‘Wasn’t talking to you, buddy.’ You rubbed your temples for a moment. ‘C’mon, let’s go hop in the bath.’

So much of parenting was just...stopping to breath. Stopping to take a moment to remind yourself that although your love for your child was unwavering and unconditional, you sometimes felt like screaming. All you’d done for the last five hours was go in circles, cleaning and lecturing and cleaning some more. It made you wish you were at work that day, because at least then you could have conversations with people that weren’t about what cheese they wanted for lunch or what cartoon they wanted to watch.

‘I just had a bath.’ Jack muttered.

‘Yeah well, you need another one.’ You took another deep breath. ‘I’ll be there in a minute-’

‘- I don’t want a bath!’

‘And I don’t want a kid that’s covered in soup!’ You shot back. ‘C’mon, buddy. Just do as I say, please?’

Your conversation was interrupted by a knock at the door. You frowned for a moment - you weren’t expecting anyone. There was no post on Sundays and you hadn’t seen your landlord since the day you’d moved in. Your nosey neighbour knocked sometimes, usually asking about the noise (he didn’t have kids, clearly) and you were this close to telling him to mind his own fucking business.

‘I swear to god, if that’s David again, I am going to shove this can of soup up his - Marcus!’ You almost did a double take when you saw your boyfriend stood at the door - he really chose his times, didn’t he? You hadn’t even had time to put the fucking toilet brush down. ‘Hey.’

‘Hey, baby.’ He greeted you slowly, eyes slowly taking in your appearance (and not in a sexy way). ‘Were you not expecting me?’

‘Shit, did we have plans?’ Your eyes widened.

‘No, but Jack called. He said you’d asked him to ask me to come over, but I realise half way through that sentence that starting with Jack called probably means you had no idea.’ He offered you a goofy smile. ‘He said that the sofa had exploded and that you needed help.’

There was a lot to unpack there. When had Jack done that? More to the point, when had he learnt to use the phone? How had he worked out your phone password? The kid couldn’t do up his own velcro and now he was a Russian hacker, apparently.

‘Oh my god.’ You groaned. ‘I am so sorry. Things have been batshit here this morning and I’m sure he had my best interests in his weird little heart, but he made you come all this way-’

‘- Marcus!’ Speaking of the devil.

Jack pushed past you, wrapping his arms around Marcus’ waist. He leant down to pick him up, lifting him off the ground - albeit at a distance, due to Soupgate.

‘Hey, buddy.’ He greeted him. ‘You been causing trouble again?’

‘Not on purpose.’ Jack replied. ‘Mum says I need another bath.’

‘I think she’s right.’ Marcus said. ‘Why don’t you go pick out some clothes and come back in a minute, yeah?’

‘Okay!’ Seemingly impressed by the newfound trust in him to choose an outfit, Jack wriggled himself back down to the floor, trotting towards his bedroom. Seriously, how did Marcus do that? Perhaps his ability to have authority over your archaic child was another hidden power of his.

‘You look like you need a break, baby.’ He reached out, gently running a hand down your arm.

‘I’m fine, he’s just been a lot today.’ You sighed.

‘You have soup on your shirt and fluff in your hair.’

‘Couch stuffing.’

‘Huh?’

‘It’s couch stuffing. Except that was Optimus Prime and not Jack, which makes a nice change.’ You muttered.

‘Look, Missy is at her abuela’s today and she’s been begging for ages to see Jack again.’ He said. ‘What d’you say I drive him over there, you clean up and we hang out? Just us, no kids, no dogs, no stress.’

‘That sounds like a fucking dream.’ You couldn’t help but smile. ‘But Optimus has consumed half the couch and I gotta keep an eye on him-’

‘-we can bring him with us!’ Marcus grinned. ‘He loves the garden.’

‘Are you sure? Because I remember you saying you had work plans today and I don’t want you to cancel them on account for the fact I can’t control my own kid. Or life.’

‘You two come first.’ He said it as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. ‘Three, including Optimus Prime.’

In the time it took Marcus to drive Jack to his mum’s and get back to yours, you were able to clean up. The apartment was still a state, but it hadn’t been properly tidy in...how many days had it been since Jack was born? Because it hadn’t been clean in exactly that many days. You felt a little bad dumping him on Anita when he was still covered in soup, but if anyone was able to wrestle him into the bath and some clean clothes, it was her. You’d met her a few times and she was absolutely lovely, but you had no doubt she could be terrifying when need be. She was the sort of woman you aspired to be.

By midday, you were driving out the city. There was music playing quietly over the radio and you were watching the houses go by; even though it was cold out, you had the heater on and you were bundled up in a leather jacket, Marcus’ scarf snugly around your neck. It smelt faintly of his aftershave, which had become one of your favourite scents over the last five months. The time had gone so quickly. You’d seen each other practically every day since then, and having the kids meant you’d been fallen into being domestic pretty quickly. The simplicity of it all - him and you and getting to this point so easily - was overwhelming in itself.

Your first relationship had been so complicated - so finicky and filled with unnecessary arguments. That should have been a sign early on, but then you’d gotten pregnant with Jack and getting married had seemed like the obvious thing to do. His presence meant you wouldn’t have changed anything, not for the entire fucking world, but it made you a little sad to think about how long you’d wasted on what had clearly been the wrong person. Meanwhile, Marcus’ situation had been entirely different; he’d had the right person the first time around and then he’d lost them. You never felt like a replacement to his wife, or even thought about the notion, really. That had been another part of his life. You were a new part and it didn’t mean he was forgetting the past. The two could co-exist without taking away from each other.

‘You’re deep in thought.’ Marcus observed. He moved one of his hands to rest on your leg, giving it a light squeeze. He did that a lot, usually whenever you were sat beside him at the table or on the sofa. It was just a him thing.

‘Yeah, sorry.’ You tore your gaze away from the window. ��My brain always goes a little into overdrive when things are quiet.’

He chuckled. ‘What’s on your mind?’

‘You, actually.’ You tangled your fingers with his, thumb brushing over the back of his hand. ‘I was just thinking about lucky I am and how good things are, and how it almost feels too good to be true.’

‘Better believe it, baby.’ He replied. ‘Because it is true.’

‘I know.’ You peered over at him with a smile. ‘It’s just...my only perceptions of relationships were based on the single one I’ve had. Everything was so complicated and exhausting. This is completely different and it’s so nice. And normal. And I don’t know, that sounds stupid-’

‘- it’s not stupid at all.’ Marcus peered over at you, shaking his head. ‘It’s natural to be a little apprehensive after a bad relationship and if there’s anything I can do to help, you just have to tell me. You know that, right?’

Maybe it was the way he said it, or maybe it was just him, but you knew for certain that he meant that. There was sort of a silent agreement now that you were both in this for the long haul. Your mum had always said that you’ll know when you know but you’d always written that off. Mostly because you hadn’t known the first time round. But, now you did. You did know and though you weren’t going to admit that to Marcus, you never doubted him for a second.

‘I do.’ You said. ‘But he’s in the past now - and hopefully it’s where he fucking stays.’

‘I have contacts. I can find him and set Miracle Guy on him.’ Marcus’ grin had returned. ‘Just say the word.’

‘You make a tempting offer.’ You smiled back at him. ‘But the past is the past and I’m ready to...slam the lid on that dumpster.’

‘Do you think he’ll ever want to come back into Jack’s life?’

You pondered for a moment. ‘I don’t think so, but if he did, I dunno if I’d let him. I never wanna be the person who stops someone from seeing their kids but what he did was...it was unforgivable.’

‘You don’t have to make that decision until it actually happens.’ Marcus gently said. ‘And I’ll support whatever you choose.’

He pulled into the drive way of his house - his nice, clean, sofa-stuffing-and-soup free house. Optimus Prime leapt out the car as soon as the door was open, practically tearing past the two of you and down towards the yard. There was a moment of silence and then a splash!

‘Guess he found the pool.’ Marcus commented. ‘At least it’s heated, I s’pose.’

Truth be told, he loved having the three of you at his house. It felt like whatever had been missing before was slowly making an appearance as your relationship progressed. The irony was that you brought nothing but chaos and clutter with you, but that was exactly what made it feel like a home. It was small things; the painting that Jack had done for him at after school club was now hung up up on the fridge, and there was a photo of him and Missy on the fireplace with Optimus Prime. Half of the thousands of blankets of pillows that had been at your place had ended up on his sofa, thanks to the countless sleepovers.

If he could have it his way, Marcus would have you live with here all the time. The energy that you and Jack brought made everything feel complete. He loved the evenings where Missy and Jack would play out in the pool, and you two would sit back inside, complaining about the cold. Then there were the nights where you’d take both the kids back here when he was working late, and he’d come home to find you piled on the couch watching an old movie, with your burnt cooking abandoned on the stove, surrounded by boxes of left over take out. It was the kind of thing that was so simple and so domestic, but it was everything he wanted.

That was probably the flashpoint moment when Marcus Moreno realised he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. He already knew he loved you - he’d worked that out about three months in, when you’d fallen asleep in one of his shirts whilst trying to wait up for him - but he hadn’t said it. He’d hinted at it and made back-handed comments but he’d barely admitted it to himself, let alone to anyone else. He knew what you and Jack had gone through before and it broke his entire fucking heart. You both deserved someone who stand by you and support you, someone who would embrace you both for the craziness and warm energy you brought everywhere with you. More than ever, he was realising he wanted to be that person who gave it you. After all, you’d made his life so much brighter without even trying.

Snapping out of his trance, Marcus looked over at you. You’d already ditched your shoes and dropped onto the sofa, pulling one of the blankets with you. This was exactly what you needed. A quiet house, your favourite person and a cable knit blanket.

‘Hey, baby?’

You looked over at him, smiling at the name. ‘Yeah?’

‘You know I love you, right?’

You blinked in surprise, sitting up. ‘I know.’

‘You do?’

‘You’ve never said it, but I can tell.’ You nodded, before offering a smile. ‘And I love you too.’

‘I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner.’ He slowly approached you, dropping onto the sofa beside you and taking your hands in his. ‘I think I just got so caught up in everything and feeling everything that I forgot.’

‘Why are you apologising?’ You couldn’t help but scoff at him, leaning forward to press a kiss to his lips. ‘It’s your actions that say it, Marc. Hearing it is good but you showed it a long time ago.’

‘I know, but really you deserve to hear it everyday.’ He smiled against you, helping you move onto his lap.

‘You do tell me everyday, with the things you do.’ You reminded him. ‘Like meeting me in the parking lot with coffee, or bribing Jack into going to bed early with video messages from your superheroes, or doing my grocery shopping when you know money is short.’

‘Why wouldn’t I do those things?’ Marcus seemed genuinely confused. ‘It’s you.’

‘I love you.’ You repeated the phrase.

‘And I love you.’

He pulled you into another kiss - this time it was a little firmer, not unlike your second declaration of love. Marcus did all those things without thinking, simply out of his intense want for you to just be happy. He was the same with Missy, always doing little things to make her life easier just because. It was just part of who he was, and it made him happy to see his loved ones happy.

With your body pressed against his and your hands tangled in your hair, Marcus realised he didn’t want you to ever leave again. He didn’t want you to have to drive home in the dark at ten because all of your stuff was on the other side of town. You did stay over sometimes, but then you’d have to creep out at 6AM with a sleeping Jack in your arms to get home in time to get ready. He wanted you here all the time. You should have been here all the time.

‘Move in with me?’

He both did and didn’t mean to say it out loud. He did because he wanted you so badly to be a permanent fixture in the house, but he also didn’t because the idea might have been a little absurd. Was it too soon? What if you didn’t want to leave your place? He knew you loved your apartment. It was your home and had been for a long time.

‘What?!’ You suddenly pulled back from the kiss, eyes wide.

‘I mean...if you want to.’ Marcus slowly said. ‘Hell, Missy and I can move to your place if that’s what you want. It might be tight but she loves the dog and I just want to be with you-’

‘- hey!’ You cut him off, planting your hands on his shoulders. ‘You’re rambling again, but that’s besides the point. I would love to live here.’

‘You would?’

‘I would.’ You smiled.

It made sense. Aside from the glaringly obvious fact you wanted to, it was also practical. It was closer to the school, closer to your work and it had a fucking swimming pool. Marcus was already clearly financially secure and moving in wouldn’t mean relying on him, but it would have meant that things for Jack were a lot more stable. Missy loved the company of you both, and it meant she would finally have the dog she wanted so bad.

‘Missy would be okay with it, right?’ You asked.

‘She was the one who put the idea in my head, actually.’ Marcus admitted. ‘I’d thought about it but then she kind of asked in passing why you don’t live here, and I couldn’t give her an answer.’

‘Your kid is smart.’

‘D’you think Jack will-’

‘- I’m going to stop you there.’ You cut him off.

‘Right, I probably don’t need to ask that question.’ He chuckled.

‘Exactly.’ You pressed a kiss to his nose. ‘Don’t forget the dog, either.’

‘How could I? I can literally see him peeing on my lawn right now.’

‘Our lawn.’

Exactly three weeks later - and after a hefty amount of paperwork and hours of sorting through Jack’s endless amounts of crap that he insisted on hoarding - moving day came.

Anita had insisted on having the kids again. They were both excited, but perhaps a little too much. They were probably more likely to get in the way of things if anything. Children, a dog and large boxes? It seemed like a match made in hell. Plus, she had a whole ass training course in her back garden and if that didn’t wear the kid out, then you were definitely going to take him to the Heroics to get tested. The thought alone was enough to tire you out.

You didn’t have too much stuff to move. You’d been half-moved into the damn place before Marcus had even made the formal proposal, so that made things a lot easier. You were keeping your sofa for Jack’s room, but the rest was going to Goodwill. Most of it had come from there in the first place.

‘I think that’s the last box.’ Marcus announced, exiting the bedroom. ‘I didn’t realise that a five year could own so many variations of storm-trooper toys.’

‘Oh, yeah.’ You replied. ‘There’s the original trilogy ones, sequel trilogy ones, dark troopers, shock troopers, clone troopers - and I realise half way through listing them that you don’t care.’

‘I never said that!’ He placed his hands on your waist, pressing a kiss to your forehead. ‘I’m excited to learn.’

‘I’m sure Jack is excited to tell you.’ You grinned.

Then, it faltered slightly with the realisation you were actually leaving this place. You’d never intended for it to be your permanent home, but it had still been the centre of your entire universe for half a decade. Every room told a story; the crayon marks on the bathroom wall, the dents behind the TV from, the crack in the living room mirror. All caused by Jack, naturally. The last five years was contained entirely within these four walls and you got bleary eyed at the idea of it becoming someone else’s.

‘Hey, don’t cry.’ Marcus gently wiped away a tear from your cheek.

‘You know, the rent is still paid till the end of the month so we could revisit the idea of you and Missy living here instead.’ You tearfully smiled.

‘You’re kidding but you know I’ll do it.’ He pressed another kiss to your nose, grip on your arms tightening.

‘It’s okay.’ You moved so that the kiss landed on your mouth instead, capturing his lips in a brief kiss. ‘I knew we were gonna outgrow this place. I just didn’t expect it to be so soon.’

‘I know. Still kinda feels like it all came out of no-where, huh?’ He replied. ‘In the best way.’

‘You’re right. In the best way.’ You firmly nodded. ‘Can you believe I was 23 when I moved into this place? I found it on Craiglist within ten minutes of finding out I was pregnant.’

‘Do you wanna take a minute before we go?’

‘No, it’s fine.’ You shook your head. ‘We should get going.’

The apartment was just that: an apartment. And the house you were going to was just that: a house. But the people you were with? That’s what made it count. It wasn’t about the four walls or the roof over your head, or whether or not it had a big yard and a jacuzzi bath tub (though, that did help). It was about the laughter and warmth inside; the faces in the photos on the wall and the people you came home to after a long day. It was the smell of your burnt cooking and the pizza you’d ordered in place. It was Jack’s toys left in the exact place where someone could trip and it was Missy using all the hot water in the morning so that Marcus’ showers were practically arctic. It was everyday things that reminded you of the people around you; the people that made it home, and how lucky you were to have them.

That was home. And you’d found yours.

taglist: @naivara-duneimith @1-2-3-4-5metalfingers @likeshootingstarsinthenightsky @lyanna-the-giantsbane @phoenixhalliwell @crazycookiecrumbles @bitchin-beskar @comphersjost

#marcus moreno x reader #marcus moreno imagine #marcus moreno x you #marcus moreno x y/n #marcus moreno imagines #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal character headcanons

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product05 · 3 years ago

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My thoughts/reactions while watching The Owl House S2 Ep13 "Any Sport in a Storm"

Forgive my grammar- Long post in coming!!!

So we're starting the episode with Hunter, cool!

Is that the Gravesfield symbol? Why do Hunter have that? And why is he stitching it to his not really in good condition cape?

Hunter really fell for "Consider this a test." easily. C'mon Belos, don't do this to him!

Raine! ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ

The DISRESPECT

Darius teasing Hunter lol

"The old golden guard sigil"??? Wait hold on a minute-

Darius knew Hunter is Belos' nephew. He also knew his predecessor. So there's a golden guard before Hunter?? Previous golden guard is Darius' mentor, but where is he now? You know what? Here's what I was thinking:

We saw Phillip (Belos) already creating the grimwalker way back a hundred years ago, see? And in "Hunting Palismen" we also saw the grimwalker instructions inside Belos' portal room or whatever, which is the first appearance of that instructions, see? And why does he still have that book lying down somewhere when in fact he already (probably) succeeded? What if!

Case 1. Belos' brother died back then, he created some sort of a clone or whatever, and that clone helped him and became his right-hand man. There could be more previous golden guard, but whenever they fail, Belos "punish" them or whatever. Or they might had reached their limits, so Belos creates a new one. Now, remember when he said to Hunter that it'll be hard to find a replacement? Maybe Belos just couldn't get more of those ingredients in making a grimwalker, so he couldn't risk losing Hunter.

Case 2. Belos' brother didn't actually died. He might be the previous golden guard (remember the sigil?). "But he's a human, he couldn't do magic." Belos is a human, and he's doing magic like a pro. He probably uses some sort of artificial magic or whatever like Belos. Then he vanished, or died (because Belos killed him), I dunno... Then Belos...cloned him...or whatever...

Case 3. The previous golden guard is probably some random guy Belos picked.

Or I could be wrong ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I might have overthought it! Anyway...

"How do I earn it?" Hunter....

"I'll do it." "Of course you will. You're good at doing exactly what you're told." Yikes Darius, don't call him out like that jeez... 😬

Short Intro!!??

WILLOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The animation-

Wait, is Willow no longer using boots-

The smell of the pages lmao

Boscha being donowalled (ignored) by Lumity lmao

I don't know about you, but I'm glad Boscha finally have more lines to say in an episode again lol

"You guys aren't cute!" you're right Boscha... They're the cutest!!

No they're not Hunter... They're not into the same thing as you...

LMAO "leave your home, friends, and family"

Y'know, I'm not surprised Hunter is desperate again, and also the fact that he probably stay up till 6am.

Everybody just relates with Hunter. First, powerless no magic and a magic nerd, then feeling that everything is an opportunity to justify existing, and now being a half-a-witch, or so what they (Willow and Hunter) think about themselves.

I'm also glad that we get to see Jerbo and Viney again!

Hunter do really had fun playing with hexside kids but....Eh, his job always ruins it.

Also, Skara crying after what Hunter said lmaoooo

Hunter being desperate, part 2

The "I can wear this proudly now, right?" "Can you?" Oooooohhhhhh... Darius... don't call him out like that part 2

"Steve is beginning to regret his choices." Awww...

"I think Hunter is too." Awwwjwwjdjdjsjsjsj Hunter character development lessgoo

Darius just scrolling through penstagram is so relatable looool

Chilly.Lily and other posts/comments had me laughing, except for that one post and comment 😶

Willow and the gang friendship with Hunter lesssssgooooooooooo

Wait, 52 weeks till next year?

EVERYBODY SHUT UP!!!!!! UNCLE DARIUS OHMYNSJSBSBSBSSBJSJXSJ

Oof, I almost forgot Luz and Amity are here too lol

Those two had been calling out theorists this whole episode tbh lol

#imma go now #I'm tired lol #this episode is so good! I can't believe lumity didn't steal the spotlight this time lmao #toh #the owl house #any sport in a storm #toh spoilers #the owl house spoilers

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starbuck09256 · 5 years ago

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A picture in the sand

Episode Fic

Unruhe

Pictures in the Sand

Author: @starbuck09256

For: Kasey Slippin Mickeys

Rating: Teen (I did use the f word not sorry)

First a huge Shot Out to @gaycrouton for putting this goodie together. Girl you are fantastic. I can’t wait to read your fic and everyone else's!

My prompt was Unruhe and that it should take place in Traverse City with another woman goes missing. I followed it mostly. I rewatched the episode about 9 times, which isn’t bad I like the ep anyway. Here is my angsty (as requested) interpretation.

Not gonna lie, I’m really terrible at procrastinating so this is very much not Beta’d I apologize for spelling and grammar errors. Just happy to barely make the deadline.

6am Dana Scully's Apartment

She wheels her suitcase next to the end table. Not paying attention she swings it to far and the picture frame on top falls and shatters to the newly stained wood flooring. “Shit” Scully mutters before moving her suitcase to find all the shards of broken glass. She picks up the frame staring at a picture of her and Melissa at a family picnic at the beach from a few years ago. Melissa’s glowing smile staring back at her, she traces the pattern of Melissa’s dress remembering Melissa spinning them around in the sand, letting the tiny pebbles crush against their toes. Like they used to do in San Diego. Melissa had been galavanting around the world and had just gotten back her smile to be with family, the lightest Dana had seen her in the last few years. Scully thought it was just because Melissa had finally gone to all the places she talked about endlessly in the dark confines of their shared room. Scully sighs, she remembers that dress Melissa wore in a different context too, one where she is helping their mom pack it away in a donation bin. Melissa so much taller than Scully, it didn’t make sense for Scully to keep it in the back of her closet as a reminder of the women who embodied the bright color and flowy design. The picture inside the jagged frame not scratched and torn right on the side of Melissa dress. The irony isn’t lost as she sits there on the floor where Melissa bled out in between the wood slates a bullet meant for Scully, a life meant for Melissa. She can’t help feeling that the last two years have been so unfair, she is no closer to justice for her sister, no closer to finding the answers of where Duane Berry took her. Now as the nightmares have increased she thinks of the women in Allentown all dying slowly, she wonders if she is next in line. If this picture of her and her sister will find its home on her moms mantle along with catholic candles that flicker in and out of all the lives tragically cut short by senseless violence. Scully presses the picture into the front pouch of her suitcase. Vowing to find a new frame to hold the precious photo right when she gets back from their new case in Michigan.

She’s only been to Michigan a couple of times. The only real fact about the state that she loved is no matter where you are you are within 7 miles of water. The water calls to her, always has, from years of watching her father navigate it’s depths to summers spent at camps with giant lakes that at night made you feel like you might as well be in the middle of the ocean. She remembers briefly staying once and seeing the shores of the great lake as it extended out for miles. From her seat at the window she looks out to the expanse of trees and meadows the clouds just above the horizon. Mulder shifts against her. His head resting in her lap on his coat. It’s been a weird few months between bounty hunters and his moms stroke he is more restless than normal. The case brought to them because of the weird photo of a girl seemingly screaming into the camera. Mulder ever elusive with his information he likes to dangle clues and hints to her but never the full story. It use to be fun, this game they play him trying to get her to open her mind to the fantastic to make connections and leaps with scraps of information. Now though it just gets on her nerves. Why not just tell her the facts? Does he think she is so closed minded that she will refuse to go? She wants to refuse. Start standing up for herself more, part of her is tired of seeing these women taken, beaten, lives destroyed in the end does it even matter the how? Is the why so important? What about stopping it? Lately she feels like they are only there for the aftermath, taken to a point so far outside of plausible. She’s getting tired of being taken herself. He mumbles in his sleep and shifts closer to her. That’s the real problem she thinks, how close they are and yet not at all. While they spend endless hours together, eating, sleeping in crappy motel rooms, driving miles and miles of road and for what? to be put in danger constantly?

The larger part of her though finds it still so thrilling. The challenge the way his eyes light up when he gets a new case and they go back and forth it's why he dangles clues and hints. He loves seeing her mind work, and in truth she loves the challenge. She looks at the photo again, the edging is distorted the colors blending together. She isn’t sure how you would capture an image like this, how the abductor took such a photo. She presses her finger down on the edge looking at the long lines on the side, a face to the far right what is that? A reflection? She wonders what the image is trying to say. She thinks of the photos of her and Melissa torn and stuffed into her roller bag under the seat. She thinks back to all the photos she has taken over the years the others that grace her mantel in tiny rows. Her brothers photo with his new wife how he blames her openly for Melissa's death. As if she didn't already blame herself. She thinks of those women in Allentown how they said they are all dying, the photos they showed her of others like them that have passed on. She has an appointment in 3 months for more scans. She joined the mufon group and has been getting emails of members passing away one by one. Leaving children and husbands behind. She would only leave behind sad plants and half finished articles for medical journals and Mulder. How would he do with a new partner, she thinks back to Jerry whom he just described as a colleague. Is that all she would be to him in the end? A colleague a good friend? There have been moments when she thought they would be more. Melissa certainly thought they would be. Melissa's’ constant insistence that Mulder was the compliment to Scully's stubborn soul. Scully wonders if this is going to be the end will he be her last? She's never missed having a lover. But lately she wishes her bed wasn't so lonely. Now as Melissa has pointed out she has in fact put everything and everyone on hold for this search of theirs, to find answers for him and now for her. In the past she has found men who are obsessed with things it seems. The latest one resting in her lap. She swallows hard, sleeping with Mulder would be a terrible idea, but if there weren't consequences because she would be gone in a few months? She tries to clear her conscience about it all, her recent scans were fine but the emails of more and more members with the same type of cancer in exactly the same spot are more than scaring her. Mulder is scared too, she now stops mentioning when another one has been laid to rest. She’s seen his fear shining into her eyes when she gets even a cold. Imagine what cancer from a lover would do to the man? She would never do that to him. If the dedication he has for his annoyingly little sister is anything. The rabbit hole he would fall down if they were more and she was taken by the disease from her abduction would kill him.

She thinks about her mother and father, how after his death the strong capable of anything Margaret Scully faltered. At first her mom said she could pretend for a few minutes in the morning that he was still at sea, that his smile would grace her eyes soon as he would sweep her into a deep hug that warmed her bones. Then she would remember, remember that time was short. Missy's death certainly didn't help. Losing a child is something that no parent should ever bare. She had asked Dana to give her antidepressants, and while it scared Scully to the core it renewed her mother's faith in God. That that was the only way she could keep going, knowing that her Ahab would be there waiting for a life eternal and her sweet daughter's spirit would be free. But Melissa's death had done the opposite for Scully, she has scene so much injustice so many things that make her doubt God's word that now she has become skeptical and even cynical in so many ways. Mulder has seen it in her and while she wears her cross everyday part of it is just because it reminds her of Melissa. It reminds her to try and fight. She will fight till the bitter end. Even if that is sooner than she wants to believe. Mulder shifts slightly again and she moves the picture through her fingers. Tries to put that skepticalness to the side. Tries to think like Mulder would. Why would the killer leave it at the scene? How did he get it beforehand? Was he stalking her? She taps on the photo again and moves back to the case file, shifting just slightly careful to not disturb Mulder.

She reads the report over and over until her eyes want to water at the dry dead air of the cabin. The sun is seeping through the light onto Mulders hair now, his features almost boyish in sleep. She is usually the one sleeping against him even if flying isn’t her favorite thing. She squirms in her seat a bit wishing secretly that Mulder would wake up so she can lay against his shoulder and catch a few minutes of sleep herself. She moves her hand, fingers brushing through his hair. She knows he doesn’t mind, though he still teases her a little when she does it in doctor mode. She sees his small smile and he starts to move. She gives him a soft smile back as he rubs his eyes looking at her with the translucent clouds shading the sun as it shines dimly on her hair. He reaches up and touches her cheek to sweep a stray strand off her face. “Your turn” it’s almost a whisper. She smiles gratefully as he moves and positions his jacket against his shoulder for her to rest against. She sighs as she snuggles into the warm fabric. Mulder pulls the shade down against the morning dawn as they continue to soar through the air.

2 hours later

She wakes dimly to the voice of the captain letting them know they are starting their dissent into Grand Rapids. Traverse city looms another 2 hours away along the lake coast. It’s interesting the rules they have made through the years. They never discuss a case on a flight and so that time has been devoted to them reading books sometimes playing cards. Arguing over which mythical creature is the most likely to exist. Or more often than not it’s like this morning's flight snuggled against each other asleep. She hears Mulders soft snores against her head. The last few months she has been more worried about his sleeping habits especially after she told him what she found in Allentown. More often he comes in with dark circles and the extra coffee through the day has not gone unnoticed. She can’t complain though, because despite all of this he still is there in the morning to greet her, with a steaming cup to chase away her own night terrors. Places like planes offer a few moments of peace that the other one is safe, and that they are together. She tries not to analyze it too much. Tries to rationalize the fact that they have been through some truly horrible things and are bound to have some strong ptsd and codependency issues. She doesn’t want to love him that way. She likes them just being friends. She wants a bit more out of life, especially if there is less available to her, seeing all of these things over the years she is wondering what she is really fighting for anymore if not for Melissa maybe she would have already left. Is it to be flying off to save women from abductions? Is she trying to find validity in her choice to prove to herself that giving up medicine to become an FBI agent was really the best decision? Is she now leading herself down a path to have another Jack or even worse another Daniel?

She knows that Mulder is in love with her. She knows that he has become just as dependent on her as she has on him. She doesn’t want that, she doesn’t want a world where the two of them can only exist with the other. She has become consumed by this quest of his and paid so dearly, and now here they are chasing a lead on a case they really have no business on. She knows that it’s about the picture. He sees something or knows something she doesn’t. She’ll have to wait for the drive into town to find out.

As they reach the drugstore she is lost in the sea that is the investigation, while she looks at expired film heating beneath it parts of the edging make sense, if the film is expired and the heat has distorted the edges. But the screaming that is odd, when she points these things out to Mulder he finally explains his theory. She sees a photo booth in the drugstore small and yet she wonders if the film has been tampered here too. Mulder must think something similar as he grabs her hand just as she finishes her questions to the owner. “This film shouldn’t have the same distortion if my theory is correct.” he mutters pulling her into the small intimate photo booth. She sighs “Mulder,” she starts but he pulls her down and she is sitting right next to him and he’s smiling and pointing to the camera. She gives him the look, the one that shows she is not amused, but he wraps his arm around her leans forward to start the series of 5 photographs of them. He tries to do bunny ears and the camera catches her laughing at it. She sticks out her tongue in the next and so does he. The third picture is just them stern and serious. The fourth a soft smile from both of them. The fifth begins to click and he makes a kissy face and her grin lights up the tiny booth. Its short lived and while she thinks the exercise is pointless the film proves to be unaffected. She waits for Mulder to throw the pictures away but he doesn’t he pulls out his wallet and tucks them in with a 20 dollar bill and 2 ones. She shakes her head, he asks the owner if they can take a few more photos with the same film. “I think the picture is the key to this Scully,” he leaves and she follows him out.

They drive to the girls house, pictures on the fridge of a normal couple. Lost in moments together, traveling, and laughing. She wonders if they will find this girl alive, if these will be the last time she smiles. She thinks of moments when her and Mulder where sure that it was the end. She thinks of the pictures of them in his wallet. What a stranger would think. What she thinks of this closeness that has grown between them.

He takes the camera “Watch out scully it’s loaded,” and he points it right at her but the picture that comes out is of the girl distorted again and she looks up at him confused. He starts to tell her more about his growing theory, how these pictures are the key Psychic photography. She hates this, she hates looking at cases and having him come up with something so crazy she has to try and wrap her mind around it. She always gives him the benefit of the doubt listens to his theories, but sometimes she just wants a simple explanation. Maybe she is just burned out. It happens to everyone with all the things that have happened to them she hasn’t had a chance to take a break. She wants to talk about this more but as always he is already getting ready to leave. “He was here I think he stalked her.” As they step out into the bright sunshine her phone starts to ring, letting them know that Mary has been found wandering and disoriented.

At the hospital Scully is faced with looking in the hollow eyes of the woman on the fridge, one that won’t be smiling again as pain and inevitable death beacon her near. The scans don’t lie, Mary is facing a very difficult road of recovery if that is even possible. As Scully stares at the scans as Mulder goes to grab them something resembling coffee she thinks of Betsy in Allentown, about those women with tumors at the same spot as Marys unfortunate lobotomy. Mulder has sense Scully's distance and luckily has chosen to back off, leaving her with the time she needs to figure things out. Scully is deep in thought when Mulder returns he sets down the coffee letting the steam rise up and wafted into her nose. It’s a beautiful smell coffee, seems the fine people of Traverse City understand its importance. Mulder touches her shoulder gently a sad smile across his lips as he stars at the scans once more. Just as the uniform officer comes in and tells them another woman has been taken. Anger boils through Scully, whomever this guy is he has no idea what he is doing and unless they find him soon she is afraid of another poor woman facing the same fate. Mulder throws the rental keys to her knowing that right now he needs time to look over the details from the officer, starting working up a profile right away. Precious time is ticking fast as she presses her foot down on the pedal. This is her strength driving fast and a little more reckless than Mulder ever has. It annoys him, how much she speeds and whips into places. It’s why he drives most of the time in reality. Because she got tired of hearing him complain about her going to fast, but time is of the essence. They are following a patrol car the blue and red lights flash into the fading sun. As they race around the corner. Mulder finally looks up at her his voice catches in his throat. “Mary will never be the same will she?” Scully shakes her head in sadness. “We need to find this person, and fast” She nods and throws the car into park, throwing her seatbelt off dashing to the scene. They need a clue, a hint, and hopefully something more than a screaming girl in a fucking polariod.

Just as they get there they realize that the rush wasn’t necessary, Scully needs to review the file as Mulder heads right inside to assist. Another man dead another woman taken and nothing to go on. Mulder doesn’t find any cameras or film, in the car as he was thinking through the profile he wonders about the word Unruhe, a place? A thing? A person? It sounds like it’s a word. He asks one of the officers to use the computer quickly typing the word into a search box as he continues shuffling through 1040s and spreadsheets. Scully walks in the file in her hand, a killer like this she thinks might have been there might have been at the scene. As they argue again over the photograph she feels the frustration of the day, of the inevitable failure that might await them if they can’t find something quickly. Mulder is ready to head back to Washington, to find the clues that have eluded them so that she can save the next victim. Both of them know that time is limited and Alice doesn’t have long, while she thinks him going back to Washington is a mistake, it’s really not that long of a flight and the bureau does have some fantastic resources. She sighs hangs her head and works her connection. It seems that for them, when they go their separate ways they form a complete picture in the end.

She watches as he races out leaving her the keys to the rental car as he hitches a ride back again. She works through the evening and well into the night in a small motel with a view of Grand Traverse Bay on Lake Michigan. She opens the window and listens to the water softly kissing the sand while the moonlight shines off the lakes black opals and into the darkness. Mulder calls her lets her know his planes has landed and he has been able to get a forensic photographer to help him first thing in the morning. She lets him know that Mary Lefont died and she fears that the same will be true for Alice if the construction owner has hired men off the books. Mulder sighs, “You caught that Scully, you found us a tangible lead as soon as I find something out with this photo I’ll call you it should help you refine it” She hums in response right now she is looking at a list of 300 people in the apartments next to the latest abduction. She sighs and says she is tired before hanging up. She knows that sleep will be hard fought tonight, it’s already almost 3am. She walks out of the hotel towards the Bay listens to the waves as they crash against the shore with a dullness. While the stars shine brightly out beyond the black depths of the lake she thinks of Mary, about those pictures of her smiling in those photos on the fridge. Her toes are in the rough sand from the lake, not like the sand that she and Melissa danced to in the photo. She wonders of Alice's family will have similar photos on their mantel of another woman taken in her 30s. She hopes that the station can pull up something on the construction workers, they need this lead. Regardless of the success Mulder thinks he will find she needs the tangible investigative skills of the mortal realm. She walks back to her room, letting the moonlight chase her form across the soft swirls of the water. She falling into a lifeless deep sleep while the dull ticking of Alice's life lingers in the background.

In the morning after she wrestles Gerry to the ground. She thinks back about the pictures she has of Ahab of the two of them at her medical school graduation, her white coat and his proud smile. She wonders after all the terrible things that have happened to her would he still be so proud? Or would his smile have dimmed like that glossy paper it was printed on. Would her own eyes shine as brightly as they did that day ever again? Or had the 3 months she missed, the sister she mourned be evident through the lense. She knew the risks was aware of the horror she would face. Lately she feels as if she is facing a far more looming nightmare. Another birthday another lonely night with no prospects of changing. Mulder and her might be pushing that line in the sand between acceptable partnerly behavior but it’s a not a road she is ready to take, nor is she sure she wants too. She loves him, she knows this after so many dangerous situations, hours and days spent together how could she not. She thinks of the other pictures she knows he keeps in his wallet. The one of him and Sam, sometimes she thinks she still sees that young innocent kid staring back at her. His devilish grin when he shows her the fantastic. The way his face lights up just a little when she pulls out his favorite sunflower seeds when he was sure they were out. Does he see it in her? Does he see the young agent who was new to the field but prepared for the boys club? Does he see the same smile and young ambition she once was so consumed with that she let the rest of her life slip away? She’s getting older her birthday just passing and she thinks about the fact that now she is as old as Melissa was when she died. She thinks about the pictures they won’t take, about the people now missing from the Christmas dinners, the Sunday brunch, the nephews birthday parties. Her phone rings and it’s Mulder he booked the first flight back and is already on his way to the precinct. She wants to know where Alice Bryant is she wants them to win one for once. Mulder wants her to wait until they can interrogate Gerry together. They are so good together, she knows. The two of them play off each other so well with suspects. Mulder seems crazy and she seems scary and she loves it. She loves the power it gives her. She loves seeing justice and fear mingle together in the room. She hopes they are scared, hopes that the suspects feel even the small degree of fear that they cause their victims to feel. It is that feeling that has kept her with the FBI, she loves being the one to find the evidence and then confront the suspect with her findings. Mulder is in a way the perfect partner for her. He steps back lets her take the lead, knows that if anyone will find something tangible to hang a case on it’ll be her.

Gerry gives them a location, and as they race to find her, she can’t help but be angry at Gerry seeing her as troubled. She isn’t troubled is she? Conflicted? Scared? Maybe. She doesn’t want to overthink a psychopaths words. She learned long ago from Mulders profiles how they use words and gestures to gain trust. Luther Lee Boggs being a prime example for them both.

Scully races up the hill hoping and praying that they can find Alice alive, and hopefully not as damaged as Mary, but as she makes it to the top, Alices still form crushes her thoughts. She touches Alices’ cold skin, her cheeks. Watches as the CS tech starts to take photos of the scene. More photos, more death, and now another body. At least Gerry is in custody. At least they saved the future woman that he might have tortured and killed. Mulder meets her at the car, her anger rolls off her in waves like the lake shore. Maybe tonight she will sit on the shore and cry, no one would be able to hear her sobs over the water. She wants to leave to go home and fix her broken frame try to not think of photos and sand and lives that could have been. She can’t drive and though she wanted to be in control she hands the keys to Mulder so they can drive back to their hotel and clean up. She needs to wash the failure she feels down the drain. It doesn’t work that way, Gerry shot the police officer that was processing him, they put out an APB but her mind can only race about possible new victims he already might be on his way to take.

They look at the photo of the officer on the paperwork, Mulder is right the photos are probably the key. God who else did Gerry take a photo of? Who else is going to deal with a madman telling them they are troubled and killing them to fix it?

Apparently the benefit of Traverse City being smaller than most major metropolitan areas is when you need to steal something you pick the same drugstore you stalked your victims. Gerry has assaulted the owner and taken more film. They walk through the drugstore one more time, she thinks of the apartment complexes on each side and tells Mulder as such as he once again puts money into the photo machine. She looks at him in curiosity, last time they went in this time he is letting it roll without them. HIs theory has developed and isn’t ready to share just yet, she knows he will explain in the car. She wants to get going, he tosses her the keys and she walks out into the bright sun.

She doesn’t remember much she remembers her foot hurting from the injection remembers the struggle as she tries to get her gun. She wakes strapped to a chair with Gerry in the dark corner as her eyes try to adjust to the light. Her arms taped down roughly the large sheetrock tool on the shiny metal table. She wants to plead in a responsible way. Gerry knows that this is the end, she can’t let him think that she will be part of his prize. She doesn’t remember much of her German important phrases and it takes her a few moments to come up with what to say to him. Especially since conversational german was the only class she ever got a B in. Luckily the words are there, as if her mind knows to channel the knowledge buried so deep. Gerry gets up to grab the camera, she sees her chance if she can get the tray she can cut her restraints and take him out. She needs to stall, she needs Mulder to have time to find her. She wants to give him time, She asks Gerry about his own Howlers about the trouble with his father. She channels Mulder and knows what brothers will do for sisters. Her own brother would do for her and Melissa. Gerry pulls the tray away and takes the camera to take her picture once more. She struggles with thinking that the photos she took with Mulder in that small cramped little booth won’t be the last ones he sees of her. He will see her on the floor of the padded room in a weird distorted photo that will filter into his dreams for years to come. But luck is on her side and she is able to convince Gerry to take a photo of himself. The camera flash is almost blinding, she knows he is sick she just needs to show him that this has always been about him and not anyone else. The photos come out in a small series of flashes, they wait for the polarization to show the image. She feels vindicated when they show him dead, show him his fate. That justice is finally with her. She just hopes it doesn’t plan on taking her with him. Gerry flips through the photos over and over. Questioning the images, like Mulder did. What do they mean? She hopes they mean that her life will be hers again, that she will be able to see the waves and shore once more. But Gerry thinks it’s about time, that his time is ending and he must hurry. Fear runs through her body a surge of adrenaline as she tugs and struggles against the restraints. She thinks about the time she almost drowned, how it felt struggling in the water, wondering why something so beautiful and peaceful would try to take her life. How she would gasp and flail her arms in sheer panic, like now as she hears Mulder calling her name. God Mulder please please prove that picture true and he does. Thank god he does. She feels him release her final bonds reach out his hand to take hers. She feels the storm calming inside of her, like Mulder is a life preserve her around her waist pulling her up against the tide. She walks out of the dark trailer, walks past the paramedics straight to the lakeshore. She takes off her heels, the prick of the injection still stings but the sand and the wind and the waves cradle her in their embrace. She takes a deep breath, lets the air of the misty water fill her lungs up. She takes a moment to look down at her feet in the sand and as she looks up she almost swears she sees Melissa in the distance dancing on a distant shore.

tagging @today-in-fic @gaycrouton @xfilesfanficexchange @improlificinsarcasm

#xfepisode2019 #mulder and scully #unruhe #s4 #fanfic #msr #angst #myfic #xfchallenge #so glad to be done #man I need a beer #this was a toughie #hope you like it Kasey!

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graduationemmasep · 5 years ago

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'I like the way MDMA gives you a deep sense of connection to your friends'

I'm no fiend. Most nights I'd rather share a bottle of wine with some friends than stay up till 6am getting sweaty and boggle-eyed on a bender. But while I associate alcohol with talking about past experiences, I associate drugs with making new ones. Party drugs can often make a stranger feel like a confidant; a simple trip to a town centre feel like an Enid Blyton escapade.

I probably take class-A party drugs such as MDMA or cocaine once a fortnight, and have done since I was 16 (I'm 27 now). I like the way cocaine gives you a new lease of life, like a mushroom in Super Mario, to carry on with a night out. I like the way MDMA softens the edges of reality and gives you a deep sense of connection to your friends that you can never get when you meet them for dinner and they moan about their jobs. I like how when you're coming down from a pill another person's touch has a comforting, almost electric capacity. If you're suffering from exhaustion, anxiety or stress, recreational drugs can give you a bit of a leg-up.

Drugs can also be a total pain. Ecstasy can make you feel like you're floating in a cloud, but just as often it's an admin nightmare: you come up at different times from your friends; only half the people in a group remembered to get sorted and there's endless hassle at a party trying to get more. Even when you're having a great time, there's a self-doubting internal monologue running through the whole process: Have I done enough? Am I coming up? Do I look like a prick?

I would just like to have that conversation about drugs being sometimes brilliant and occasionally annoying. Yet I feel like there is no one who is willing to talk about drugs in those terms.

When children ask their parents where babies come from, they get a white lie – a stork delivers them, you find them in a cabbage patch, you order them from Ocado. That's the closest thing I can think of to explain the difference between the perception and the reality of drug use by young people in the UK. There is a societal stork myth that is propagated by the media and popular culture to hide a basic reality. Even users themselves are entirely unwilling to talk about drug-taking honestly. Everything in the drugs world tries to stifle this conversation. Take nightclubs. It doesn't take a genius to work out that staying up till 6am listening to dance music at an ear-splitting volume would not only be unenjoyable without some kind of mind-altering stimulant, but a painful test of endurance. Most people in big nightclubs are on drugs. The clubs know that: that's why they charge so much for entry and, often, for bottles of water. They know that not many people will be buying drinks. Most of them have in-house dealers too, so they can sort out their DJs. Bigger DJs put requests for drugs on their rider. "We just put it on expenses as 'fruit and flowers'," a promoter at a major nightclub told me this year. But there's still a stork charade, with the venue covered in posters promising to eject drug users and bouncers searching punters – but not too thoroughly. The pretence is that this could all be above board.

I suppose the reason for this false picture of drug-taking is that most people don't take drugs. The statistics show that only a small fraction of the UK population are regular drugs users, and a smaller fraction still do anything harder than weed. But drug use is not spread evenly across the country, nor across age groups. In my demographic – under 30, living in London, job in the creative industries, disposable income – almost everyone is a recreational drugs user.

Where I grew up in south London, it was pretty uncommon to find someone who didn't at least smoke weed. The children of more middle-class parents were taking cocaine, ecstasy, ketamine and mephedrone almost every weekend. These were not reprobates ruining their lives: they were intelligent, bright people who got three As at A-level and went to good universities.

We would go to raves in places such as Camberwell and Hackney Wick, to warehouse venues where almost no one was over 18. White powders flowed as freely as the Fanta Fruit Twist and Malibu we were drinking. Festivals played a big part, too. Parents, even quite strict ones who wouldn't dream of letting their kids out past midnight, were happy to send their kids to music festivals, perhaps because of the reverent music-focused coverage in the media.

If you go to somewhere like Reading or Benicàssim, almost everyone is under 20. Half of them barely leave the campsite. Festivals are drugs playgrounds where teenagers experiment with copious amounts of uppers in presumably quite dangerous combinations. Some of the best moments of my life took place going to festivals as a teenager. I remember one muddy year at Glastonbury, racing down the hill arm-in-arm with a bunch of people, all off our faces on MDMA, feeling happier than I had ever felt. Another year, I remember taking mephedrone with a girl I fancied during Blur's headline set, both weeping with joy at a band we'd grown up with our whole lives.

Again, everyone knows this; no one thinks the thousands who watch the sunrise at the stone circle in Glastonbury every year are just on a high from seeing Mumford and Sons. But the festivals keep up the pretence that they are drug-free zones. Even a recent BBC3 show, Festivals, Sex and Suspicious Parents, which was supposed to show parents what their kids really got up to at festivals, ignored the fact that as the cameras panned around the festival, many revellers were plainly as high as a kite, their jaws swinging back and forth like pendulums, a side-effect of taking ecstasy. The voiceover just kept talking about people being "drunk".

I am also part of the first generation of people whose parents are likely to have been drug users. Of course, some adults would be outraged, like the parents on BBC3, to see what their kids got up to. But many more knew only too well – plenty of people I know would smoke weed or share dealers with their parents. In some families drug use had less stigma than smoking.

I thought all this was normal, but at university I met, for the first time, young people who totally abstained from drugs. They mostly came from outside major cities, or outside the UK, and many shivered in horror when they saw the rest of us dabbing our gums with mysterious white powders. I thought there would be a rift in social lives, an us-and-them situation, but it was around that time that mephedrone happened. Known by literally no young person ever as "meow meow", mephedrone was a legal high that changed attitudes towards drug-taking. Polite do-right kids who would never dream of taking illegal drugs were happy to chow down on bombs (self-made wontons of mephedrone powder wrapped in Rizla) like they were no more risqué than chocolate liqueurs.

Mephedrone was incredibly cheap – about a tenner a gram – and incredibly available. You could order it with next-day delivery to your university PO box. Mephedrone was a drugs phenomenon of which I have never seen the likes before or since. Everyone started doing it. I remember visiting a friend at Leeds University during this period. We went to a club and the queue for the men's bogs was at least 70 people long. When I finally got inside the place stunk of mephedrone, you could hear everyone loudly sniffing.

On nights out during this time, everyone would be raging – making out with one another, dancing with total abandon. But the comedowns were immediate and severe, far worse than ecstasy. By 4am people would be lying on the floor sharing the most intimate and personal shames and secrets, as if the drug was somehow compelling them to be honest. Some people called it a truth serum. Friendships were forged in the hot irons of that emotional exposition, as were the most horrendous hangovers.

Mephedrone was banned within two years of it taking off. People talk a lot about one legal high being banned only for another to take its place, but the real legacy of mephedrone was to numb the stigma of harder drugs. By the time I left university, many of the drug abstainers who had tried mephedrone became relaxed about most illegal drugs, too.

Ecstasy and mephedrone make it pretty hard to get much done in the days after taking them. You can't regularly use them and be a successful, functioning adult, so they become a rarer treat once you leave student life. In their 20s most people are overworked: they have second jobs and work incredibly long hours. If they're going to go out on a Friday night they need a pick-me-up. And that is why cocaine remains the young professional's drug of choice.

I see cocaine usage almost every weekend wherever I go: clubs, pubs, people's houses, dinner parties. At fancy celebrity parties, the sort you see on Mail Online, cocaine is so prevalent that it's almost boring. Everyone does it – butter-wouldn't-melt TV presenters, wholesome pop stars adored by your mum, people who would immediately lose their job if anyone found out. Those tabloid stings where they catch someone doing cocaine are kind of hilarious in that respect. If you followed any celebrity around with a secret camera on a Friday night you'd be almost guaranteed to find them doing coke. But cocaine users are like hipsters in the way they will vehemently deny they are one, and cast aspersions on others. "It was just full of self-aggrandising wankers doing coke and talking about themselves," someone will say about a party where they did cocaine and talked about themselves. Most of my friends are cocaine users, but I've never heard them say one nice thing about cocaine.

No doubt some people will have read this piece and think that I am just a monstrous twat, that this has all been little more than infantile boasting in a vain attempt to try to sound cool. But that, too, is part of the cover-up, that any open discussion of using drugs or enjoying them is necessarily a boast. We can talk about great food, great films, great sex, but if we talk about great drugs we immediately sound like we're engaging in some teenage bravado. That's why the biggest taboo surrounding drugs today isn't taking drugs, but saying that they're fun.

I'm not saying that people are lying about the negative effects. I have, of course, seen lives ruined by drugs. Rarely has this been because of an overdose or because someone has ruined themselves financially because of addiction (although I am only 27 – that may yet come). Far more often I have just seen people become dulled through regular drug use: their youthful spark extinguished by a never-ceasing quest to get on it; brains frazzled by overheated synapses. There are friends I want to slap every time I see them doing another line, but I can't because that would be hypocritical.

I also appreciate that's it's easy to be blasé about drug use when you're a well-adjusted middle-class white guy who has never been stopped by the police and has a distant non-social relationship with their drug dealer. For many people, drugs aren't something they can dip in and out of and separate from their lives. People entangled in the economic and legal realities of drugs – dealers, those convicted of possession, addicts – don't have the luxury of my relaxed attitude.

But until we stop pretending that getting high is inherently bad – that drugs can never be brilliant, can never enhance human experience for the better – how can we properly deal with people whose lives have been made worse by drugs? At some point, kids grow up and learn the facts of life. I think it's time we all had the talk.

#research

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chapelhillforge-blog · 6 years ago

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Agnostic...Atheist...Christian? How bout I just have a relationship with Jesus?

I didn’t grow up going to church. We didn’t get up as a family, rush out the door Sunday mornings, sit through church then come home and have family dinner and watch football. Looking back, I’m so thankful that we didn’t. I’m so thankful that my parents didn’t follow the status quo of Lancaster County. I’m glad they pushed against the grain a little bit. It allowed my siblings and me to grow. It allowed us all to form our own opinions instead of our parents forming them for us.

I attended a church around 5th grade for a bit. I went to the youth group and usually went to the Sunday morning service. I wanted nothing more than to be accepted by the kids in that youth group, but the fact of the matter was - I didn’t grow up in their perfect Christian world, so sorry about my luck.

I did all their things - read the devotions, attended the camps, listened to Christian rock music - but it always felt fake. I didn’t fit in with the cool kids - the pastors’ kids, the choir kids, the kids in their Abercrombie and Fitch shirts. I said that I had accepted Jesus into my heart, but I really don’t think I knew what that meant at the time. I played along with that routine for a while, and in middle school, I crushed {hard} on a boy that was agnostic.

Obviously, as a 12 year old, I had to search AltaVista (what we used before Google), to learn about agnostics. I was wiling to go to any length to get this boy to notice me. After reading about agnostics, I decided that’s what I was.

It was kind of true. I really wasn’t sure what I believed. I thought there was something, but I didn’t know what. I played that game for a while. Then, I decided I might be a little more rebellious and just be straight up atheist. I thought that was pretty cool. I was the straight A student who was in multiple clubs, sports and band but who didn’t follow the crowd on religion. Going to a public school that was mostly Christian, it was no secret that I was the atheist. I didn't fit into their little Christian molds.

I was even turned down for the National Honor Society because I wasn’t part of a youth group or church organization. Maybe there’s some conspiracy theory on my part there, but I was friends with everyone in NHS, that was the story, and I’m pretty sure there weren’t any other non-Christians in NHS....so you can see where I’m going with that.

At 18, I had been fooling around with a 42 year old man. That’s another blog post. Eventually, I met my first husband. While sitting around his parents’ living room one night, his younger sister said, “I don’t know how I would’ve ever gotten through life without God.”

To an atheist - this is about the dumbest statement you could possibly ever hear. What the heck did this fake being in the sky do for her? I shrugged it off, got in my car and headed back home, as we were still dating and doing the stay together till midnight and get up at 6am for work/school gig.

That night, driving home in my Saturn that I worked so hard to save for with my summer job, I got saved. I had a Carrie Underwood, “Jesus Take the Wheel” moment by myself, driving down Route 41.

Maybe Jesus was laying the blocks for my salvation all the years I was agnostic then atheist. I’m not sure that I was truly ever atheist. I always felt that nudge. I always thought something was stirring in me. I just wasn’t ready to fully let it go yet.

Being saved as an adult is interesting. You’re kind of like a baby when all the adults around you have 18 years of studying, learning and praying under their belts. I always say I’m basically learning about loving Jesus at the same rate as my 8 year old because really, I’m only 12 years old in Christ.

We are raising Bud that Jesus is our Savior, but we aren’t forcing him to fit into this bubble of Christianity. Whether we force him to sit in a pew every Sunday morning or not, he’s going to form his own opinions, just like I did. We will give him the tools we believe will best equip him for life, but he will choose what tool is best in all his situations.

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primortravel · 3 years ago

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New Post has been published on https://primortravel.com/the-camino-frances-walking-stages-the-detailed-itinerary/

The Camino Frances walking stages - the detailed itinerary

The Camino Francés is a 790km pilgrimage route from St.Jean Pied de Port to Santiago de Compostela. It’s the most popular route of the Camino de Santiago network followed by the Portuguese Camino. This Camino route is walked by hundreds of thousands of pilgrims every year. The Camino starts in France and on the way to Santiago crosses several regions in Northern Spain; Navarre, La Rioja, Castille and Leon, and Galicia. In this post, you’ll find a detailed day by day itinerary for the Camino Francés.

A typical scenery on the Camino Francés

Camino Frances route overview

St.Jean Pied de Port the beginning of the Camino Frances

Our detailed one-month itinerary for the Camino Frances

Day 1. St.Jean-Pied-de-Port to Roncesvalles, 25 km

Day 2. Roncesvalles to Zubiri, 22 km

Day 3. Zubiri to Pamplona, 22 km

Day 4. Pamplona to Puente La Reina, 24 km

Day 5. Puente La Reina to Estella, 21,5 km

Day 6. Estella to Los Arcos, 22 km

Day 7. Los Arcos to Logroño, 28 km

Day 8. Logroño to Navarrete, 12 km

Day 9. Navarrete to Azafra, 23 km

Day 10. Azofra to Grañon, 22 km

Day 11. Grañon to Villafranca Montes de Oca, 28 km

Day 12. Villafranca Montes de Oca to Cardeñuela Riopico, 24,5 km

Day 13. Cardeñuela Riopico to Tardajos, 27,5 km

Day 14. Tardajos to Castrojeriz, 30 km

Day 15. Castrojeriz to Frómista, 25 km

Day 16. Frómista to Carrión de los Condes, 20 km

Day 17. Carrión de los Condes to Terradillos de los Templarios, 26 km

Day 18. Terradillos de los Templarios to Bercianos del Real Camino, 24 km

Day 19. Bercianos del Real Camino to Mansilla de las Mulas, 27 km

Day 20. Mansilla de las Mulas to Leon, 19 km

Day 21. León to Villar de Mazarife, 21 km

Day 22. Villar de Mazarife to Astorga, 31 km

Day 23. Astorga to Foncebadón, 26 km

Day 24. Foncebadón to Ponferrada, 27 km

Day 25. Ponferrada to Villafranca de Bierzo, 24 km

Day 26. Villafranca de Bierzo to O Cebreiro, 28 km

Day 27. O Cebreiro to Triacastela, 20 km

Day 28. Triacastela to Sarria, 25,5 km

Days 29-33. Sarria to Santiago de Compostela

Camino Frances planning resources

Camino Frances route overview

Total distance – 790 km

Number of days required – 29-34 days

Average cost – 25-30 Euro per person per day

Accommodation – public and private albergues, hotels

Our detailed guide to the French Camino contains a lot of useful information for planning the walk. There you can find the cost of the Camino, how to get to St.Jean Pied de Port, accommodation options on the Camino, where to get a Credential, the best months for walking, and more.

Make sure you don’t pack too much stuff take only necessary clothing and gear. We have a detailed Camino packing guide with tips on what to pack for men and women for different seasons.

We’ve created PDF files with walking stages and places to stay on the Camino Frances. You can download them for free and use them for planning your Camino walk. Keep in mind that in 2021 some public albergues are closed you might have to stay in private albergues quite often.

St.Jean Pied de Port the beginning of the Camino Frances

It’s a very lovely town where everything is about the Camino de Santiago. France is noticeably more expensive than Spain don’t worry if everything costs more than you expected once you’re out of France prices on the Camino Francés go back to normal.

There are many places to stay in St.Jean including one municipal albergue that gets full quickly in the season if you arrive after lunchtime your chances of getting a bed there are quite small.

Getting to St.Jean Pied de Port

You can get here through France or Spain depending on where your international flight arrives. We have a detailed explanation of how to get to St.Jean from both countries.

Accommodation in St.Jean Pied de Port

Booking accommodation on the Camino. In the beginning, I didn’t book anything because I walk fast I always arrived early enough to get a bed but after a couple of weeks, I was pretty tired of this bed chase I started booking places. Remember, municipal albergues can’t be booked. Booking over the phone was complicated (though I speak Spanish fluently). You have to phone first to book, then a day before your booking phone again to confirm, they usually hold the booking till 3pm so if you’re arriving after 3pm you have to phone again that day to say you’re still coming. I ended up booking places through booking.com (if I could find anything suitable there) it was quick and easy. In this post, you can find links to the most accommodations on the Camino Frances that can be booked online.

Our Camino Frances video, part 1 walking over the Pyrenees, from St.Jean Pied de Port to

Our detailed one-month itinerary for the Camino Frances

Day 1. St.Jean-Pied-de-Port to Roncesvalles, 25 km

Distance – 25km

Time – 5h30min.*

Walking on asphalt – 14km

Walking on the road – 3km over the pass, a very quiet road, there were one or two cars

Ascent – 1400m

Descent – 650m

Difficulty level – 5 out of 5

*walking time only. I walk fast, I’d suggest adding 1-2 hours to my times.

Elevation profile of day 1 on the Camino Francés. Stage from St.Jean to Roncesvalles

It’s one of the toughest days on the Camino Frances especially considering that for the majority of pilgrims it’s their first day on the Camino. I’d strongly recommend for inexperienced walkers to book a bed in Albergue D’Ornisson which is about 8km from Roncesvalles. This way you can split the first day into two and walk half of the ascent on the first day and the rest of it and the descent on the second day. Unfortunately, Albergue D’Ornisson is the only place to stop and it’s not very big definitely book your bed in advance. There are a couple of places before it about 4-5km from Roncesvalles.

I’d strongly recommend starting walking early especially in summer, to finish ascent before it gets too hot and to get a bed in the Colegiata (albergue) in Roncesvalles. There are 200 beds here but there are always people who don’t get a spot. For this reason, it’s better to book this place in advance, you can do it via e-mail, there are 70 beds (every day) available for booking.

As I said the walk was challenging, the ascent starts right from St.Jean and finishes at 21km, the last 4km it’s a steep descent to Roncesvalles. There were a couple of places to refill water on the way and one food stall at about halfway.

Highlights

Stunning scenery; mountains, green hills, lookouts, patches of the forest if it wasn’t for the steep climb it would be a very pleasant walking day.

Albergue Colegiata in Roncesvalles a big and impressive old building.

Beautiful service at the church of the Colegiata at 6pm.

Challenges

A very long and sometimes quite steep ascent, 1400m over 21km

A very steep descent, 650m over 4km

Albergue La Colegiata

Despite its size (200 beds), the albergue is nice and comfortable. There are three big rooms with 70 beds each, every room has many cubicles with four beds and four lockers. The beds are big and comfortable, the facilities are good, everything is quite new and well placed. The rules here are strict, the lights go off at 10pm, after that time pilgrims are not allowed to be anywhere but in their beds. Albergue opens at 2pm but we could check-in at 12pm and had just to wait till 2pm to get inside. and Price 12€. Open all year. Book your bed in advance.

Kitchen – yes

Hot shower – yes

Wi-fi – no

Power sockets in the room -yes

Blanket – yes

Washing machine – yes, 3,5 Euro

Other – lockers

More accommodation options in Roncesvalles

Day 2. Roncesvalles to Zubiri, 22 km

Distance – 22km

Time – 4h20min.

Walking on asphalt – 8km

Walking on the road – 500m

Ascent – 443m

Descent – 871m

Difficulty level – 3 out of 5

Elevation profile stage 2. Roncesvalles – Zubiri.

We were woken up at 6am, the lights went on and the Gregorian Choir music started playing. Everything in the town was closed, no place to stop for coffee or breakfast we had to start walking in the dark, a headlamp here will be very useful. Today’s walk is much easier than the day before but still not very flat with many uphills and downhills.

Some people keep walking past Zubiri to the next place about 5km away for me 22km was a good distance I felt that I needed some rest after the previous intense day. I decided to stop here despite arriving very early at 11.30. I found a nice private room with bathroom and wi-fi they let me check-in at 11.30 I was very happy to have the whole day to rest.

In case you decide to walk on some guide books and websites say there is a small albergue 4km from Zubiri Albergue Espeleku, in fact, this place doesn’t exist anymore, they turned the albergue to a holiday house. The next place to stop after Zubiri is Urdániz (5km) or Llarasona (6km) away.

Highlights

Burgette a small town with a nice church

Espinal another small charming town; old houses, flowers, a church etc.

Zubiri – a very peaceful place with the Medieval Bridge, a small square, and a couple of small streets.

Challenges

Many short ascents but nothing compared to the previous day

A steep and quite long rocky descent just before Zubiri

Municipal albergue

The municipal albergue in Zubiri was closed (September 2019), many people couldn’t get a place to sleep in the town, as a result, they had to keep walking and some of them walked 10km extra before they could find anything available. Zubiri is a very small place if you walk in peak season make a reservation here. I stayed in a private room with an attached bathroom at Pensión Amets, it is nice, very quiet, and clean.

More accommodation options in Zubiri

Day 3. Zubiri to Pamplona, 22 km

Distance – 22km

Time – 4h

Walking on asphalt – 11km

Walking on the road – 1,5km

Ascent – 405m

Descent – 491m

Difficulty level – 2 out of 5

Elevation profile stage 3. Zubiri to Pamplona

It was the easiest day out of three with many small ups and downs in the beginning but in general nothing challenging. My main problem was finding an open place to have coffee or breakfast, the first one I got was at 9km.

Many pilgrims continue walking on past Pamplona I was thinking about doing it as well but when I arrived in the city I really liked it and decided rather stay here. I arrived early, get a bed in the municipal albergue and the rest of the day just walked around the city and ate a lot of pintxos.

Highlights

A couple of charming towns on the way.

Pamplona is one of the most beautiful cities on the Camino Frances. The Historical center is spectacular; the Cathedral, the Citadel of Pamplona, Museum of Navarra, Plaza del Castillo, and so on.

Eating pintxos and drinking local wine is a must here, there are many inviting bars in the center.

The Historical center of Pamplona, a nice stop on the Camino Frances

Challenges

Many hills mostly at the beginning of the day

Municipal albergue Jesús y María

Another massive albergue on the Camino Francés, 112 beds. There are three halls with bunk beds on the ground floor and a big room on the top floor. The place is neat and clean but when there are that many people there is always a queue to showers, washing machines or toilets. They sell Credentials at the reception. The albergue opens at 12pm. Price 9€. Open all year, except 5-14 July and 22nd December – 13th January.

Kitchen – yes

Hot shower – yes

Wi-fi – yes

Power sockets in the room -yes

Blanket – no

Washing machine – yes, 1 Euro

Other – lockers, dryer – 1 Euro

More accommodation options in Pamplona

Day 4. Pamplona to Puente La Reina, 24 km

Distance – 24km

Time – 4h40min.

Walking on asphalt – 13km

Walking on the road – 500m

Ascent – 477m

Descent – 567m

Difficulty level – 3 out of 5

Elevation profile stage 4. Pamplona to Puente la Reina

The day went quite quickly probably because I was woken up at 5am and started walking before 6, as a result, I arrived at Puente la Reina before 11am which wasn’t bad because the town is very pretty. Most of the day the Camino goes through wheat and sunflower fields I believe in summer it looks really beautiful but in September it was just bare land with dried sunflowers.

Highlights

El Alto del Perdón the famous sculpture group representing pilgrims walking the Camino de Santiago. It’s probably one of the most famous photo spots on the Camino Frances.

A couple of nice towns with beautiful churches on the way.

Puente de la Reina and its atmospherical Church of Santiago which is definitely a must-see here. It’s probably one of my favorite cathedrals on the route. There are more sights to see in the town; the Old Bridge, Plaza de Mena, a couple of other churches built in the Middle Ages. Walking along the Calle Mayor (Main Street), pay attention to the wooden gates, they are used to cut off the streets for the bull run during the festival.

Probably the most famous monument on the Camino Francés and definitely the most photographed one.

Challenges

A long ascent to the Alto del Perdón with a subsequent steep and rocky descents

No shade to hide, in summer it’s better to start walking earlier.

Municipal albergue Padres Reparadores

It’s one of the cheapest albergue on the Camino Frances with 96 beds. The place is nice with good facilities, clean, a big garden, friendly hosts, just outside the center, about 5min. walk. Opens at 12pm. Price 5€. Open all year.

Kitchen – yes

Hot shower – yes

Wi-fi – yes

Power sockets in the room -yes

Blanket – no

Washing machine – yes, 4 Euro

Other – dryer, 4 Euro, big garden, vending machines

More accommodation options in Puente La Reina

Day 5. Puente La Reina to Estella, 21,5 km

Distance – 21,5km

Time – 4 hours

Walking on asphalt – 4,5km

Walking on the road – 500m

Ascent – 483m

Descent – 437m

Difficulty level – 2 out of 5

Elevation profile Camino Francés stage 5. Puente la Reina to Estella

It was a very quiet day with not many people on the way, mostly walking through the fields and hills, past a couple of villages.

Highlights

The Historical center of Estella; the church of Santo Sepulcro, the Convent of Santo Domingo, the Carcel Bridge, Plaza de los Fueros with the street market where you can buy some local specialties like cheese, chorizo, etc. Don’t be lazy the town is beautiful it’s worth spending some time exploring it, go to the square drink a glass of wine, eat a couple of tapas.

Challenges

Some slight ascents and descents but in general an easy walking day.

Municipal albergue de Estella

A nice and big albergue (96 beds) with good facilities, located close to the center, on the Camino route. A big albergue with good facilities, a nice garden, very social. Opens at 12pm (off-season opens at 2pm). Price 6€. Open all year except 15th December – 15th January.

Kitchen – yes

Hot shower – yes

Wi-fi – yes

Power sockets in the room – yes

Blanket – no

Washing machine – yes, 3 Euro

Other – dryer, 3 Euro, garden, vending machines

More accommodation options in Estella

Day 6. Estella to Los Arcos, 22 km

Distance – 22km

Time – 4h16min.

Walking on asphalt – 5km

Walking on the road – 0km

Ascent – 435m

Descent – 414m

Difficulty level – 2 out of 3

Elevation profile French Way, stage 6 Estella to Los Arcos

Leaving early today was quite a drawback because one of the highlights of the Camino Frances the famous wine fountain is just a couple of kilometers outside Estella. I arrived there still in the dark I managed not to miss the fountain (like some people who I met on the way that day) but to be honest drinking wine at 7am it’s not a great idea, especially considering that you still have about 20km to go. I did have a sip of it.

Highlights

Wine fountain (tap) at about 3km from Estella at Bodegas Irache; one tap is with wine and another one with water.

Rolling fields of wheat and vineyards. I walked the Camino Francés in September just before the harvest there was so much grape everywhere it was truly beautiful.

Challenges

Nothing in particular just slight ups and downs all the way

Municipal albergue Isaac Santiago

I stayed in a private room at Pensión Mavi. I did it at least once a week if I could find a nice private room. It’s just so nice to be the only person in the room and to have your own bathroom. I had a quick look at the municipal albergue, it looked fine but I’d say a bit overcrowded and dilapidated. It opens at 12pm. Price 6€. There are 70 beds. Open from Easter weekend till October.

Kitchen – yes

Hot shower – yes

Wi-fi – no

Power sockets in the room – no

Blanket – no

Washing machine – yes, 3 Euro

Other – dryer, 3 Euro, garden

More accommodation options in Los Arcos

Day 7. Los Arcos to Logroño, 28 km

Distance – 28km

Time – 5h

Walking on asphalt – 11km

Walking on the road – 2km

Ascent – 488m

Descent – 553

Difficulty level – 3 out of 5

Elevation profile Camino Frances, stage 7, Los Arcos to Logroño

The entire day was through the fields and over the hills with many short but sometimes steep ascents and descents.

Logroño is a big city and usually finding accommodation in big places is easy but if you arrive here on the weekend and don’t want to stay in the municipal albergue I’d recommend booking a place. Logroño is a very popular place for Spanish people from all over the area to come for the weekend to celebrate Birthdays, weddings, bachelor parties, etc. It’s a very nice vibe in the city but it gets crazy busy.

Some people prefer to stop in Viana which is 18km first because it’s a shorter walk and second because Viana is a smaller town. Considering that the next day I felt a bit tired and walked only 12km to Navarrete I could have stopped in Viana and instead of having 28km and 12km days I’d had 18km and 22km.

Highlights

Olive tree plantations and vineyards – picturesque scenery and very sweet grapes.

Viana – a beautiful town with a beautiful cathedral, cobblestone streets, many restaurants, a good place to stop for lunch.

Just before Logroño, the Camino enters La Rioja the wine country of Spain and its smallest region.

The historical center of Logroño; the Cathedral, several churches, Calle de San Juan (San Juan street) with hundreds of pintxo bars. I tried some delicious pintxos here, the best pintxos on the Camino Frances. I’d recommend skipping dinner here and going out for pintxos and wine.

Grape harvest is one of the advantages of walking the Camino Frances in September

Challenges

Long walking day, the longest on this Camino so far.

Many ascents and descents in the first half of the day

Last 5km of walking on asphalt which is always tough on your feet especially after walking more than 20km.

Albergue Albas

The municipal albergue was still closed when I arrived in Logroño but there was already a long queue of pilgrims, I didn’t feel like waiting and went to a private albergue instead. I stayed at Albergue Albas, it’s a nice and clean place, with a great location, close to the cathedral, the facilities are good. They have private rooms as well but it was fully booked I got a dorm bed.

Municipal albergue of Logroño

As for the Municipal albergue, it’s quite big (88 beds), there are many beds, the facilities are good, it’s located in the center, on the Camino. Opens at 1pm (at 3pm in winter). Price 7€. Open all year.

Kitchen – yes

Hot shower – yes

Wi-fi – yes

Power sockets in the room – yes

Blanket – no

Washing machine – yes, 3 Euro

Other – dryer, 3 Euro, garden

More accommodation options in Logroño

Day 8. Logroño to Navarrete, 12 km

Distance – 12km

Time – 2h30min.

Walking on asphalt – 8,5km

Walking on the road – 300m

Ascent – 194m

Descent – 90m

Difficulty level – 1 out of 5

I decided to take “a day off” so I walked to the next town and checked into a hotel. Not sure if it was wine and pintxos from the previous night or I just was a bit tired after one week of walking but I felt like I needed some rest. I must admit it was the right decision. If you have time, I recommend having a short walking day every once in a while and if you can afford to stay in private just to chill out a bit.

The Camino goes through Logroño for about 3km after that it turns into the fields there are many water taps along the route but no places to stop for coffee or breakfast (everything in the city was closed at 7am). Navarrete was the first place to stop for breakfast.

Highlights

Navarrete a small quiet town I really enjoyed staying here after bustling Logroño, it’s a perfect stop for a relaxing day on the Camino.

Challenges

Quite a bit of walking on asphalt.

Not many places to stop for breakfast.

Hostal Villa de Navarrete

I stayed in a private room again just because I finished very early and didn’t feel like sitting outside and waiting for the municipal albergue to open. I was lucky to get the last private room at Hostal Villa de Navarrete, a very nice place, right on the Camino, close to the supermarket and restaurants, clean and comfortable.

Municipal albergue of Navarrete

As for the municipal albergue, it looked modern and neat, it’s not very big, there are 6-8 beds in every room. Opens at 1.30pm. Price 7€. There are 36 beds. Open from 1st April to 31st October.

Kitchen – yes

Hot shower – yes

Wi-fi – yes

Power sockets in the room – yes

Blanket – yes

Washing machine – yes, 3 Euro

Other – dryer, 2 Euro, coffee machine

More accommodation options in Navarrete

Day 9. Navarrete to Azafra, 23 km

Distance – 23km

Time – 4h

Walking on asphalt – 7,5km

Walking on the road – 500m

Ascent – 354m

Descent – 316m

Difficulty level – 2 out of 5

Elevation profile stage 9 Navarrete to Ventosa

The next couple of days the Camino goes through La Rioja the main wine region of Spain. It’s a very pleasant area for walking; vineyards, farms, green hills etc.

Highlights

Walking through vineyards most of the day, there are some wineries on the way that probably do wine tasting but everything was still closed when I walked there in the morning

Nájera a beautiful town; cobblestone streets, the Cathedral, the old bridge etc.

Challenges

A couple of slight ascents and descents

Municipal albergue of Azofra

The town itself is not too impressive compared to Navarrete or Nájera but the albergue is quite nice, there are many small rooms with two beds each you have more privacy here, 50 beds in total. This albergue accepts bookings and backpacks delivery. Opens at 12.30pm. Price 10€. Open all year. Phone for booking +34 941 379 325

Kitchen – yes

Hot shower – yes

Wi-fi – yes

Power sockets in the room – no

Blanket – yes

Washing machine – yes, 3 Euro

Other – dryer, 4 Euro, garden, a small pool

More accommodation options in Azofra

Day 10. Azofra to Grañon, 22 km

Distance – 22km

Time – 4h

Walking on asphalt – 5,5km

Walking on the road – 0km

Ascent – 400m

Descent – 234m

Difficulty level – 2 out of 5

Elevation profile stage 10 Azofra to Grañon

It was the first rainy and cold day on the Camino due to that I didn’t enjoy it that much. The first place to stop is a strange town of Cirueña. It looks like a ghost town despite most of the buildings are new and there is a huge golf estate in the town. Luckily I had breakfast in Azofra because I didn’t feel like stopping here.

The second half of the walk from Santo Domingo was almost all the way on the gravel path next to the road.

Highlights

A couple of kilometers after Grañon the Camino exits La Rija and enters Castile and León.

The historical center of Santo Domingo de la Calzada unfortunately many buildings were under renovation.

Challenges

A couple of ascents and descents throughout the day.

Albergue La Casa de las Sonrisas

In Grañon stay anywhere but in La Casa de las Sonrisas. I stayed there and was terribly bitten by bedbugs, it was my worst bedbug experience ever. I read some comments on Camino forums and many people complain about the same. A couple of days later when I stayed in a municipal albergue the hospitalero looked at my bites I asked if by any chance I didn’t stay at La Casa de Las Sonrisas in Grañon which made me think bedbugs in that albergue are permanent residents.

Albergue Parroquial San Juan

There is another albergue for donation Albergue parroquial San Juan Bautista. It’s a very basic place, more like an old-times albergue with mattresses on the floor, no wi-fi, etc. People say it’s a very interesting experience if you’re up for that. Otherwise, stay at one of the private places.

More accommodation options in Grañon

Day 11. Grañon to Villafranca Montes de Oca, 28 km

Distance – 28km

Time – 4h45min.

Walking on asphalt – 7km

Walking on the road – 0km

Ascent – 488m

Descent – 234m

Difficulty level – 3 out of 5

Elevation profile Grañon to Villafranca, stage 11, Camino Francés

It wasn’t the most impressive day on the route, long stretches of walking along the road. Many towns to stop on the way but all are pretty small with one bar and a couple of albergues not much else.

Highlights

Sunflower fields though it was September and flowers were dried out but in summer it must look impressive.

Challenges

Monotonous parts of walking along the road.

Albergue San Antón Abad

The municipal albergue in Villafranca is currently closed, most pilgrims including myself stay at albergue San Antón Abad. It’s a big place with a couple of rooms, some have normal beds (12 Euro), some bunk beds (10 Euro). There are 49 beds. The facilities are fine but bathrooms and a kitchen could be bigger considering the number of people staying here. The second half of the building is a nice hotel you can get a private room here but it’s significantly more expensive. Opens at 11am. Price 10-12€. Open from 15th March to 15th November.

Kitchen – yes

Hot shower – yes

Wi-fi – yes

Power sockets in the room – yes

Blanket – no

Washing machine – no

Other – restaurant

More accommodation option in Villafranca-Montes de Oca

Day 12. Villafranca Montes de Oca to Cardeñuela Riopico, 24,5 km

Distance – 24,5km

Time – 4h20min.

Walking on asphalt – 4,6km

Walking on the road – 3km

Ascent – 413m

Descent – 456m

Difficulty level – 3 out of 5

Elevation profile stage 12 from Villafranca to Cardeñuela

I really enjoyed this day the first half was through the forest very nice and quiet. The second half through the fields with many small villages on the way. The first place to stop for coffee or breakfast is 12km after that there will be plenty of places.

Highlights

First 13km of walking through the forest

A beautiful monastery and church of San Juan de Ortega

Nice villages; San Juan de Ortega, Agés, Atapuerta

Challenges

250m ascent right at the exit of Villafranca Montes de Oca. The first 4km of the route is up.

Several smallish ascents and descents throughout the day

Municipal albergue of Cardeñuela

A very small place, two rooms with 3 bunk beds each (12 beds in total), on the second floor of a bar, not many facilities; beds, showers, a table, and a couch. You can get food at the bar. Opens at 12pm. Price 5€. Open all year except the last week of December.

Kitchen – no

Hot shower – yes

Wi-fi – yes

Power sockets in the room – yes

Blanket – no

Washing machine – no

Other – bar

Day 13. Cardeñuela Riopico to Tardajos, 27,5 km

Distance – 27,5km (including 2km of walking around Burgos)

Time – 5h.

Walking on asphalt – 20km

Walking on the road – the first 5km if you take the route through Villafría

Ascent – 103m

Descent – 193m. It was a very flat walk (like everywhere in the Meseta), no elevation profile needed.

Difficulty level – 3 out of 5

I left early in the morning in the dark with an idea to spend some time in Burgos and continue walking to Tardajos. Walking in the dark I missed the split that is about 2,5km from Cardeñuela, just before the airport. The left route goes away from the road, it follows the river almost all the way to the city. The right route continues along the road for 5km and then goes through the industrial area of Burgos. I definitely recommend taking the river route through Castañeres. You can mark it on Google.maps to make sure you won’t miss the turn. Distance to Burgos on both routes is more or less the same.

The split on the Camino after Orbaneja, the red route goes to Burgos following the road and past the industrial area, the right route goes along the river

It was the worst day on the Camino so far, first 5km walking on the road which wasn’t busy at all but considering that you start in the dark it’s still quite unpleasant. After that, there were about 8km of walking through the industrial area of Burgos. It was one of my least favorite days on the Camino Frances.

The Historical center of Burgos is very beautiful, the cathedral, the square, many churches, the castle, etc. I was thinking of stopping in Burgos but 13km felt too short to stop there. I did spend an hour or so walking around the city. The cathedral of Burgos is not to miss here.

Note! In Burgos on the way to the center, the route marking is not very clear if you don’t see signs just follow Calle Vitoria and sooner or later you’ll see the arrows and shells again. To walk out of the city after that there was a gravel road through the fields all the way to Tardajos.

If you have time or just want to have a day off you can stay for the night in Burgos, it’s a beautiful city with a lot to see. There are plenty of places to stay here including the Municipal Albergue of Burgos.

Places to stay in Burgos

Highlights

The beautiful historical center of Burgos; the cathedral is stunning from outside and inside, I definitely recommend visiting it.

The famous Meseta a long stretch of plains that starts from Burgos some pilgrims like it some don’t but it’s one of the most recognizable scenery on the Camino Francés. For the next two weeks (basically till Astorga) the scenery will stay pretty much the same.

Challenges

5km of walking on the road (if you don’t take the alternative river route).

8km of walking through the industrial area of Burgos (again if follow the main route).

20km of walking of asphalt. I think on the river route there will be less asphalt.

Albergue La Casa de Beli

I stayed at the private albergue La Casa de Beli because I arrived in Tardajos just after 1pm and the municipal albergue opened only at 3pm I didn’t feel like waiting, plus the price difference was only 2 Euro. La Fabrica was a nice place, clean, comfortable, nice yard, good restaurant though there is no kitchen but I just asked for a plate and a knife and made sandwiches and cut some salad. They have private rooms as well. There are 34 beds. Opens at 12pm. Price 10€. Open all year.

Kitchen – no

Hot shower – yes

Wi-fi – yes

Power sockets in the room – yes

Blanket – no

Washing machine – yes, 3 Euro

Other – dryer, 4 Euro, restaurant, garden

More accommodation options in Tardajos

Day 14. Tardajos to Castrojeriz, 30 km

Distance – 30km

Time – 5h.10min.

Walking on asphalt – 8,5km

Walking on the road – 7km very few cars

Ascent – 331m

Descent – 335m

Difficulty level – 3 out of 5

Elevation profile stage 14 Tardajos to Castrojeriz

It was a nice walking day mostly through the fields and over the hill with not many towns to stop on the way, make sure you carry enough water.

Highlights

A couple of nice town on the way; Sambol, Hontanas

Beautiful ruins of San Anton Monastery 4km before Castrojeriz, there is an albergue next to it for donation but it has very basic facilities (no electricity, no hot water).

Challenges

Quite a long walking day with few places to stop in between.

Municipal albergue San Esteban

A typical municipal albergue; one big room with 35 beds, a basic kitchen, a couple of showers and toilets. It looks a little bit dilapidated at first sight but it was bad at all. Opens at 12.30pm (2.30pm in winter). Price 5€. Open all year.

Kitchen – yes

Hot shower – yes

Wi-fi – yes

Power sockets in the room – yes

Blanket – no

Washing machine – no

More places to stay in Castrojeriz

Day 15. Castrojeriz to Frómista, 25 km

Distance – 25km

Time – 4h.33min.

Walking on asphalt – 3km

Walking on the road – 1km, very few cars

Ascent – 268m

Descent – 281m

Difficulty level – 2 out of 5

Elevation profile stage 15 of the Camino Francés, walk from Castrojeriz to Fromista

You start noticing that you’re walking through the Meseta, a flat open area with wheat fields. I think in spring it might be different, green fields and flowers but in fall it looked a bit sad. The Meseta is an important part of the Camino Frances. Some people really like it, some don’t.

Highlights

Can’t recall anything specific maybe a small river a couple of kilometers before Frómista.

A couple of nice churches in Frómista

Challenges

A steep ascent right in the beginning of the day, about 220m up

Not many places to stop, only two villages on the way with one bar and a couple of albergues each.

Albergue Luz de Frómista

The municipal albergue in Frómista costs 10,50€ the reviews were not that great, it doesn’t have a kitchen just a microwave. I decided to stay in a private albergue. I stayed at Albergue Luz de Frómista, a very nice place with great hosts, comfortable, clean with all you need for a nice stay. 26 beds in total. The place is very popular it’s usually booked if you want to stay here it’s better to book in advance. Opens at 12pm. Price 10€. Open all year except Christmas.

Kitchen – yes

Hot shower – yes

Wi-fi – yes

Power sockets in the room – yes

Blanket – yes

Washing machine – yes, 3 Euro

More places to stay in Frómista

Day 16. Frómista to Carrión de los Condes, 20 km

Distance – 20km

Time – 3h.30min.

Walking on asphalt – 10km

Walking on the road – 6km along the road

Ascent – 110m

Descent – 74m

Difficulty level – 1 out of 5

There is a split at Población de Campos, about 3km from Frómista; the right route goes through the countryside, the left route continues along the road. The countryside route is 1km longer. Both routes join the first time at Villarmentero de Campos, after about 6km and the second time after about 10km at Villalcázar de Sirga.

The split on the Camino between Frómista and Carrion de los Condes

Highlights

A nice walk next to the river and through the fields on the alternative route

Carrión de los Condes; Monastery Santa Clara, Church of St.Maria del Camino, Contemporary Art Museum etc.

Challenges

Last 6km of walking along the road

Albergue parroquial Santa María

A nice albergue with good facilities and a good location. Though it’s a parish albergue, nuns don’t come here often it’s run by volunteers. Sometimes it’s students, sometimes people from Friends of Camino Association. Some guide books say the nuns make communal dinner every night it’s not true they hardly ever cook dinner for pilgrims. There 58 beds. Opens at 12pm. Price 5€. Open from 1st March to 31st October.

Kitchen – yes

Hot shower – yes

Wi-fi – no

Power sockets in the room – no

Blanket – no

Washing machine – yes, 3 Euro

Other – dryer, 3 Euro, garden

More places to stay in Carrión de los Condes

Day 17. Carrión de los Condes to Terradillos de los Templarios, 26 km

Distance – 26km

Time – 4h.45min.

Walking on asphalt – 8km

Walking on the road – 4km

Ascent – 216m

Descent – 158m

Difficulty level – 3 out of 5

It was probably the day with the most monotonous scenery, luckily I met a very nice couple of Norway and the first 17km went pretty quick.

Highlights

The main highlight was a restaurant at 17km with cold drinks and some food.

Challenges

For the first 17km there are no towns on the Camino, make sure to take enough water. In season there is a food truck at about 8km and a small bar Oasis at 10km.

A long and tiring day of walking through the plains with nothing around.

Albergue Los Templarios

There is no municipal albergue in Terradillos de los Templarios there are two private albergues. I stayed at Albergue Los Templarios in a private room with an attached bathroom for 28 Euro. There are 9 private rooms and 34 beds. It was really nice, comfortable and clean. They have dorm beds as well, for 10 Euro. There is no kitchen but you can get food at the restaurant it wasn’t too expensive. Open from the end of March to the 31st of October.

Kitchen – no

Hot shower – yes

Wi-fi – yes

Power sockets in the room – yes

Blanket – yes

Washing machine – yes, 4 Euro

Other – dryer, 5 Euro, garden, restaurant

Day 18. Terradillos de los Templarios to Bercianos del Real Camino, 24 km

Distance – 24km

Time – 4h.

Walking on asphalt – 4km

Walking on the road – 500m

Ascent – 193m

Descent – 254m

Difficulty level – 2 out of 5

At 6,8km there is a split, one route continues along the road (it’s a little bit shorter), another one goes through the fields for about 3,5km both routes merge in Sahagún.

At 19km there is another split the left route (the Official route) goes through Bercianos, the right route (the Roman road) goes through Calzada del Coto both routes join the next day in Mansilla de las Mulas. The alternative route follows the Roman road Via Trajana. I took the Original route (like most pilgrims). Some of my friends took the Alternative route and they liked it but some people were complaining that there was a lot of walking on cobblestones that hurt their feet. The distance on both routes to Mansilla de las Mulas is about the same.

The split on the Camino after Sahagún; the red route is the official route, the blue route is the alternative route on the Old Roman road

From Sahagún the Camino (the Original route) goes along the road (gravel path) all the way to Bercianos.

Highlights

Sahagun; Church of San Tirso and Church of San Lorenzo.

Challenges

Not many places to stop on the way, between Sahagún to Bercianos for 10km there is nothing just fields.

Albergue La Perala

I again stayed at the private albegue La Perala. It’s a very nice and comfortable place with many rooms both private (single – 28 Euro, double – 38 Euro) and dormitories (10 Euro). The dormitories have only four single beds each and an attached bathroom is you’re four people together it’ll be like a private room. There are 56 beds. Open all year.

Kitchen – no

Hot shower – yes

Wi-fi – yes

Power sockets in the room – yes

Blanket – yes

Washing machine – no

Other – garden, restaurant

Albergue Bercianos 1900 is another good place to stay in Bercianos.

Day 19. Bercianos del Real Camino to Mansilla de las Mulas, 27 km

Distance – 27km

Time – 4h30min.

Walking on asphalt – 2,5km

Walking on the road – 500m

Ascent – 141mm

Descent – 194m

Difficulty level – 2 out of 5

Most of the day the Camino just followed the road though it wasn’t busy at all hardly any car mostly cyclists.

Highlights

Beautiful sunrise, actually in the Meseta every day if it’s not cloudy you can see the sunrise, don’t forget to look back from time to time.

Mansilla de las Mulas – a nice town with a beautiful church and a couple of restaurants.

Challenges

Not many places to stop on the way

Municipal albergue of Mansilla de las Mulas

The albergue is quite big (74 beds), it looks a little bit dilapidated it has all you need including a fully equipped kitchen. The location is great as well, right on the Camino, next to two restaurants, a supermarket is just 5min. walk. The hosts are quite fun and entertaining, at night they took out a guitar, there were music and singing, it was one of the best evenings on the Camino Frances. It opens at 12pm. Price 5 Euro. Open all year.

Kitchen – yes

Hot shower – yes

Wi-fi – yes

Power sockets in the room – yes

Blanket – no

Washing machine – yes, 3 Euro

Other – dryer, 3 Euro, garden

More accommodation options in Mansilla de las Mulas

Day 20. Mansilla de las Mulas to Leon, 19 km

Distance – 19km

Time – 3h30min.

Walking on asphalt – 7km

Walking on the road – 600m

Ascent – 164mm

Descent – 140m

Difficulty level – 1 out of 5

The day was better than I expected there wasn’t a lot of walking through industrial areas, next to the road etc. like it usually is when you approach a big city. At 3,8km there is a split, the right route continues along the road (not recommended), the left route goes through the fields and small towns. The day was short and easy with a couple of ups and downs. You walk about 4km through León before you reach the historical center.

From León, it’s possible to walk to Oviedo following the Camino del Salvador (4-6 days) and from Oviedo continue to Santiago following the Camino Primitivo. It’s not very popular but some pilgrims do combine the Camino Frances or the Camino del Norte with the Camino Primitivo.

Highlights

The historical center of León; the Cathedral, the Basilica of San Isidoro, La Plaza Mayor, La Plaza San Martín, several churches. If you happened to be in León in September-October don’t miss the Organ Festival in the Cathedral, the concerts take place several times a week at 9pm. For me, it was the most impressive Cathedral on the Camino Frances.

A Pilgrims’ Mass takes place every day in the Basilica of San Isidoro at 7pm. at the end of it, you can get a blessing and a stamp.

Going out for tapas is another must-do activity in León, El Barrio Húmedo and El Barrio Romántico in the center are famous for their tapas bars.

Challenges

Short parts of walking next to the road

Walking through the outskirts of Leon (nothing bad or ugly)

Albergue Muralla Leonesa

I stayed in a private albergue Albergue Muralla Leonesa in León. It was good and clean, small rooms, bedding, a kitchen. There are 60 beds. The good thing about this place is that you can come in and out any time you want, the entrance door has a code. Open from March to October every day, from November to March only Thu-Sun. Price from 12 Euro.

Kitchen – yes

Hot shower – yes

Wi-fi – yes

Power sockets in the room – yes

Blanket – yes

Washing machine – yes, 3 Euro

Other – dryer, 4 Euro

More places to stay in León

Day 21. León to Villar de Mazarife, 21 km

Distance – 21km

Time – 3h45min.

Walking on asphalt – 12,5km

Walking on the road – 3km (very few cars)

Ascent – 276mm

Descent – 232m

Difficulty level – 2 out of 5

The beginning of the day (walking out of Leon) wasn’t as bad as I thought, it took quite a while to walk out of the city but it wasn’t really an industrial area more residential areas. At 8km after the church of Virgen del Camino, there is a split (well-marked); the right route (the Official route) goes along the road to San Martín del Camino. The left route (the alternative route) goes through the countryside and fields to Villar de Mazarife. The scenic route is 5km longer (over two days), both routes merge the next day at Hospital de Órbigo. I don’t like walking next to the road if there is an option I always take an alternative route.

Split on the Camino at La Virgen del Camino, 7km from León

Highlights

Church of Virgen del Camino

Challenges

The first 8km walking through the populated area of the city

Albergue de Jesús

The place is fine, not super cozy or comfortable but has all the necessary facilities. There are 50 beds. Opens at 12pm. Price 7 Euro. Open all year.

Kitchen – yes

Hot shower – yes

Wi-fi – yes

Power sockets in the room – yes

Blanket – yes

Washing machine – no

Other – restaurant

Day 22. Villar de Mazarife to Astorga, 31 km

Distance – 31km

Time – 5h45min.

Walking on asphalt – 7km

Walking on the road – 0km

Ascent – 293mm

Descent – 329m

Difficulty level – 3 out of 5

A long walking day through the fields and hills from now on the Meseta part is over, the Camino is entering green and rainy Galicia, from Astorga on there will be more mountains and forest. Two very nice stops along the route helped to make this day less tiring and more fun though, to be honest by the end of it I was quite tired.

The Via de la Plata or the Silver Way, one of the longest Camino routes in Spain merges with the Camino Frances in Astorga.

Highlights

This day was full of highlights and unexpected meetings.

Hospital de Órbigo – a beautiful little town with cobblestone streets, old houses and an impressive Medieval bridge Puente del Paso Honroso.

Villares de Orbigo – it would be just another small village on the way if it wasn’t 22nd of September. The village celebrated the First day of harvest as a part of the celebration they invite pilgrims who walk through the village for breakfast in the Pilgrim’s House. Unexpected moments like these become some of the brightest memories of the Camino.

Another very interesting encounter on the way, the famous David’s place; a great stop on the route about 5km before Astorga. David is a Spanish pilgrim who’s been living on the Camino for the last 7 years, he’s walked many different routes. He lives in a small house and every day puts food, fruit, water and cool drinks for pilgrims who walk by. It’s a donation place. The money that he gets from donations he uses to buy more food for pilgrims. David is an interesting person to talk to but even if you don’t feel like talking, it’s a great rest stop on the way in the middle of nowhere. There are chairs and benches with shadow to sit down and rest.

The historical center of Astorga; the Cathedral, the Gaudi Palace, the Plaza Mayor, Old Roman Walls, etc. The city is not big all the main sights are close to each other.

My personal highlight staying at a spa hotel in Astorga, it was absolutely worth the money.

The main square in Astorga, one of the main towns on the Camino Frances

Challenges

Long walking day, 31km

A couple of ascents in the second half of the day

Hotel SPA Via de la Plata

I decided to spoil myself and stayed at Hotel SPA Via de la Plata, it was quite expensive but well worth the money. I really enjoyed the day in the hotel; a big room, a private bathroom with an amazing shower, a very comfortable bed, it was definitely the best sleep I had on the Camino Frances. I paid 12 Euro extra for 1 hour in SPA; swimming pool, sauna, contrast shower, hydromassage, etc. The next day I felt very relaxed and well-rested.

Municipal albergue of Astorga

There is a municipal albergue for 5 Euro in Astorga Albergue Siervas de María, it’s very big (156 beds), located in the center. Open all year.

Kitchen – yes

Hot shower – yes

Wi-fi – yes

Power sockets in the room – yes

Blanket – no

Washing machine – yes, 3 Euro

Other – dryer, 3 Euro

More places to stay in Astorga

Day 23. Astorga to Foncebadón, 26 km

Distance – 26km

Time – 5h.

Walking on asphalt – 6,3km

Walking on the road – 800m (few cars)

Ascent – 642mm

Descent – 100m

Difficulty level – 3 out of 5

Elevation profile Camino Francés stage 23, Astorga to Foncebadón

I decided to enjoy my hotel and sleep late (first time on the Camino Frances), I already had an albergue booked so I didn’t have to worry about arriving in time to get a spot. I started walking only at 10.30. I did it a couple of times when I stayed in private I booked a place for the next night that I didn’t have to get up early and start walking and could enjoy a nice sleep.

It was a very nice walking day with beautiful scenery I was pleased to see different landscapes, some hills and a little bit of the forest, especially in the second half of the walk. Finally, I was out of the Meseta!

Highlights

Rabanal del Camino – a beautiful little village

Different scenery; green hills, forest, mountains.

Challenges

A long ascent in the second half of the walk, 600m up

Albergue El Convento de Foncebadón

I stayed at a private albergue el Convento de Foncebadón. A comfortable, clean, and not very big albergue with private rooms and dormitories with 3 bunk beds each and an attached bathroom. Opens at 12pm. Price 11 Euro. Open from the 1st of March to the 30th of November.

Kitchen – no

Hot shower – yes

Wi-fi – yes

Power sockets in the room – yes

Blanket – yes

Washing machine – yes, 3,5 Euro

Other – dryer, 2 Euro

More places to stay in Foncebadón

Day 24. Foncebadón to Ponferrada, 27 km

Distance – 27km

Time – 5h

Walking on asphalt – 7,5km

Walking on the road – 1,7km

Ascent – 308mm

Descent – 186m

Difficulty level – 3 out of 5

Elevation profile stage Foncebadón to Ponferrada, Camino Francés

The first 17km till Molinaseca were absolutely spectacular, one of the best views on the route so far. Right in the beginning at about 2km from Foncebadón, you reach the Cruz de Ferro a symbolic place on the Camino Francés where people leave rocks, shells, letters, etc.

Highlights

El Cruz de Ferro

Spectacular mountain scenery during the first 10km

A couple of small beautiful towns; El Acebo, Riego de Ambrós, Molinaseca

The Historical center of Ponferrada; the castle, the

Molinaseca a pretty little town on the Camino Francés

Challenges

Steep and sometimes rocky and slippery descent for 1100m

Walking on the asphalt for the last 5km

Albergue Guiana

I stayed at a private albergue again. Albergue Guiana is a nice place with many rooms with 3 bunk beds each and a bathroom, 90 beds in total. The location is good, close to the historical center, restaurants, and shops. It’s clean and comfortable. Opens at 12pm. Price 12 Euro. Open 1st March to 31st October.

Kitchen – yes

Hot shower – yes

Wi-fi – yes

Power sockets in the room – yes

Blanket – yes

Washing machine – yes, 5 Euro

Other – dryer, 1 Euro; breakfast, 5 Euro

More places to stay in Ponferrada

Day 25. Ponferrada to Villafranca de Bierzo, 24 km

Distance – 24km

Time – 4h30min.

Walking on asphalt – 18km

Walking on the road – 2km (on a gravel path along the road)

Ascent – 316m

Descent – 351m

Difficulty level – 2 out of 5

Elevation profile stage Ponferrada – Villafranca del Bierzo

The beginning of the day was a little bit disappointing though walking out of Ponferrada wasn’t a big issue, it didn’t take long. Once out of the city the route goes through suburbia areas, next to the road not really spectacular scenery compared to the previous two days but the second half was much better and more scenic.

Highlights

Beautiful vineyards for the last 10km.

Villafranca; the Collegiate Church of Santa Maria, the Convent of San Nicolás El Real, the Church of Santiago with its Puerta de Perdón (the Gate of Forgiveness) that get opened only in Holy Years.

Challenges

First 11km the Camino goes next to the road with the not very impressive scenery.

Walking surface, most of the day you walk on asphalt.

Hostel Venezia

In the second half of the Camino, I was a bit tired from getting up at 6am every day and being worried about finding a bed and decided to book places in advance for this reason I ended up staying mostly in private albergues or hotels. Hostel Venecia is a good albergue, it’s clean, cozy, and comfortable. It’s a bit away from the town center if you want to go to the supermarket or restaurant you’ll have to walk 10-15min. The hostel is very small, two rooms with 3 bunk beds each, max 12 people, nice and quiet place. There are private rooms as well. Opens at 12pm. Price 11 Euro. Open 1st March to 31st October.

Kitchen – yes

Hot shower – yes

Wi-fi – yes

Power sockets in the room – yes

Blanket – yes

Washing machine – yes, 3 Euro

Other – towels, lockers, included breakfast

More places to stay in Villafranca

Day 26. Villafranca de Bierzo to O Cebreiro, 28 km

Distance – 28km

Time – 5h.

Walking on asphalt – 18km

Walking on the road – 16km along the road with very few cars

Ascent – 905m

Descent – 138m

Difficulty level – 4 out of 5

Elevation profile stage Villafranca del Bierzo to O Cebreiro

From Villafranca there are two different route options from Villafranca; the main route follows the road from time to time you get to walk on or next to the road, it’s easier with not many ups and downs, most pilgrims choose it. The second route Camino de la Montaña (the mountain route) goes over the mountains and has more ascents and descents, it’s about 1,5km longer as well. Both routes merge 10km later in Trabadelo. I took the main route since it’s walked by most people.

Two route options on the Camino Francés after Villafranca; the official route (red) and the mountain route (blue).

The day was quite long and tiring considering the last part to O Cebreiro which was the pure ascent to 700m over 6km. For some people, it might be very challenging stopping before O Cebreiro is an option. There are really many nice small villages on the way. You can split the day into two and walk 20km to Las Herrerias which is just before the ascent and the next day walk 9km to O Cebreiro or continue walking past it to the next place.

Highlights

Many small cozy villages on the way; Trabadelo, La Portela de Valcarce, Las Herrerías, La Faba etc.

Stunning views on the way from Las Herrerías up to O Cebreiro.

Beautiful sunset from the viewpoint in O Cebreiro.

Stunning view from O Cebreiro

Challenges

A lot of walking on the asphalt and along the road.

A very steep and long ascent for about 700m over the last 6km, the ascent starts at 21km after Las Herrerías. One of the toughest days on the Camino Frances.

Casa Navarro

This time I stayed in a private room at Casa Navarro , a guest house in O Cebreiro. It’s a nice and small place right at the entrance to the village, clean and cozy. After the long ascent, I was very happy that I’d booked a private room because I was quite tired and could have a very good rest. I booked this place almost a week ahead there are not many places in O Cebreiro and they get full very quickly.

Municipal albergue of O Cebreiro

There is a municipal albergue in O Cebreiro, many people say that there are too many beds too close to each. I haven’t been there but it’s a very big albergue for 100 beds. Opens at 1pm. Price 8 Euro. Open all year.

Kitchen – yes, no utensils

Hot shower – yes

Wi-fi – no

Power sockets in the room – yes

Blanket – no

Washing machine – yes, 4,5 Euro

Other – dryer, 1 Euro

More places to stay in O Cebreiro

Day 27. O Cebreiro to Triacastela, 20 km

Distance – 20km

Time – 4h.20min.

Walking on asphalt – 2km

Walking on the road – 0km

Ascent – 305m

Descent – 1063m

Difficulty level – 3 out of 5

Elevation profile of the walk from O Cebreiro to Triacastela

It was a very long and tiring day. At 22km after Triacastelo there is a split one route goes through Samos a small town with a beautiful monastery it’s the original route, the second route is 6km shorter and it goes through San Xil.

Highlights

Great views on the way down to Triacastela

Challenges

Several ascents and descents in the beginning

A long and steep descent to Triacastela

Municipal albergue of Triacastela

The albergue is located right at the entrance to the town, a bit far from shops and restaurants, the facilities are quite basic. There are 56 beds. It opens at 1pm. Price 8 Euro. Open all year.

Kitchen – yes, no utensils

Hot shower – yes

Wi-fi – no

Power sockets in the room – yes

Blanket – no

Washing machine – yes, 4,5 Euro

Other – dryer, 1 Euro

More accommodation options in Triacastela

Day 28. Triacastela to Sarria, 25,5 km

Distance – 25,5km

Time – 5 hours

Walking on asphalt – 11km

Walking on the road – 6km, quiet road, not many cars

Ascent – 210m

Descent – 320m

Difficulty level – 2 out of 5

Another split on the route at the exit from Triacastela; the right route goes to Sarria through San Xil, the left route goes through Samos. Both routes merge at Aguada, about 5km before Sarria. The route through Samos is about 7km longer than through San Xil, 26km versus 19km. It would be an obvious easy choice (I mean the shorter route of course) if it wasn’t for the spectacular Monastery of Samos an active Benedictine monastery its history dates back to the 7th century though it was rebuilt quite a few times since then. I really wanted to see it and didn’t regret this decision, a 19-kilometer day sounded too short for me anyway.

Highlights

An incredible Galician forest from about 5km after Triacastela, a very peaceful walk with no towns, roads or people.

The Monastery of Samos – a beautiful and huge complex if you have the time it’s worth visiting the church.

Impressive monastery of Samos, Camino Francés

Challenges

Quite a long stretch in the beginning right after Triacastela along the road, about 4km but there were practically no cars.

Arriving in Sarria might be a bit challenging due to an overwhelming number of pilgrims there, Sarria is located just over 100km from Santiago which is the required walking minimum for getting the Compostela. There might be twice as many people on the Camino from Sarria on. Don’t worry there are many albergues, restaurants, and hotels on this part of the route.

Places to stay in Sarria

Days 29-33. Sarria to Santiago de Compostela

A detailed itinerary for the last 100km from Sarria to Santiago you can find in our post walking the Camino Frances from Sarria. As an option after finishing in Santiago, you can continue walking to Finisterre, it’ll take 3-4 more days.

Camino Frances planning resources

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pixiealtaira · 7 years ago

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Things to be Happy About

Pairing: None really, it is a friendship fic...Kurt, Elliot and Dani

Author’s note: So..last year I decided to do a journal prompt challenge. Or, rather, I thought about it. I wrote down all the prompts in a notebook...and it sat and sat and sat. The ridiculous thing of course being it was a 30 days of lists, about as easy a journal challenge as you get...but I was not feeling it at all. So June of last year come around with the stupid notebook still sitting there mocking me and with me at an impass on the long fic that is still in progress, but not at the same point which is good....and I thought, I need something else to write on but I want to still be playing with the character’s I’m am writing so that stall Harry Potter fic isn’t an option...wait a minute! And thus this series of fics was born. The titles will be kinda...bah, However, each title is the journal prompt. So maybe someone out there might want to write the prompt for their own 30 days (plus one) of Lists.

Kurt slid the door to the loft open as he finally reached home after his long day. He was really tempted to shoot whoever was in charge of scheduling for year three at NYADA and he half suspected that Rachel quit simply because she’d heard all about what her next year would have had in store for her. First semester was the work-study project, the screen and play writing class, one of the playwrights in depth classes, and the “from script to concept’ class. The latter three could be taken as on-line courses if one’s work project was out of the city as long as one also attended a summer workshop in each the next year to get the ‘physical’ parts completed, but if one’s work study was near-by each class took time on campus. The second semester was what was lovingly called the practical semester. Of course, Kurt was also half certain somehow Rachel would have convinced everyone that SHE didn’t need to take stage craft (which at NYADA consisted of everything not included in the other classes, pretty much), or makeup arts, or costume design, or sound and lighting and that her spot in Funny Girl should negate a work-study project. Nor did she need to read or write anything, it was all about the acting…or rather the singing. Somehow she would have just ended up with the voice workshops and dance class. She somehow managed it her freshman year, after all. Anyways…Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays Kurt spent from 9 to noon working with make-up and costuming and from 1 to 4pm working stagecraft and with the sound and lighting, about half and half. He understood it, really. He agreed, too. Simply knowing what all went into a production was fine and dandy, if one even got that far. He didn’t think Rachel ever did, nor did Blaine. They saw “sing” “act” “dance” as all they needed to even contemplate. However getting down and dirty with the rest of it was a whole other ballgame. Doing the behind the scenes work made him respect the whole process even more. He could already tell it made a difference in the few auditions he’d managed after starting this semester. Tuesday and Thursdays were spent at dance class and the music workshops. He had Madame Tibideaux’s voice workshop in the round from 9 to 11 on Tuesdays and Thursdays, followed by dance from 1 to 3 and the whole aptly named ‘How to be a proper part of the Chorus” workshop from 3:30 to 5pm. And Monday through Friday his had his voice and speech practicum from 8am to 8:55. He seriously wasn’t sure which days were longer.

From school he headed to one of his jobs. He’d worked at Vogue.com, which was a part time paid job now. He enjoyed it, even though he wasn’t Isabelle’s personal assistant anymore. He worked with wardrobe right now, until he had more time to be the type of assistant Isabelle needed. He rather loved it. A lot was done in the evening and night, after those working the more normal hours had made the decisions and then gone home. It also tended to be a bunch of work at once time but then light hours day to day. Only once had he ever had to choose between work and class, and a once in a long while work emergency had not been a problem. Besides, it was like doing make-overs all the time. It was a good job for now. He also had the diner job. He’d nearly given it up, but after Rachel had quit and Santana had quit and he’d given the owner time to calm down while showing up for work on time and doing all he was expected without pushing for more, it had ended up a much more pleasant experience. On top of those, he’d picked up a few mechanic jobs over the past few months since Blaine had left. He’d been looking desperately to pick up something extra that he could do when he needed just that little bit more cash for rent or bills or to eat.

It was a Wednesday. Stage craft had involved creating the backdrops. It involved hammers, bruises…caused by himself and others, a first coat of paint which needed much better ventilation than was to be had, and a headache. Lighting and sound had involved creating thunder and lightning in many different forms. Costume design was working with sewing machines, all 20 going at once, to finish a commission the costume design teacher had taken on and not followed through well with and thus was overdue on. Make-up design was ‘gore’ this week. Work had been from 4:30 to 11:30 at the diner and he had to be at Vogue by 6am to get the last minute items set for a photoshoot the next day. He’d had an hour of sleep the night before, covering his shift at the diner till 11:30pm and then opening for a sick co-worker starting at 5am, plus getting the last minute work done for his costuming class (steampunk Westside Story…he’d been in charge of two Jets costumes) and redoing a series of props for stage craft that he’d missed half the assignment instructions on. The night before that hadn’t been much better. Kurt was dragging. It was nearly half past midnight when Kurt got home. He wasn’t even certain if he ought to eat and shower, or just fall into bed for his four hours of sleep.

His apartment wasn’t empty. Dani and Elliot were there, kicked back on his couch watching TV and chatting.

“Oh Please don’t tell me I missed a rehearsal that I scheduled?” Kurt asked.

“You’re home!” Elliot exclaimed.

Dani rushed over to Kurt, removed his bag and sat him right in the middle of the couch. Before he could even say anything a bowl of curry over rice was handed to him. It was warm and smelled so good.

“Nope.” Dani said. “It’s just we noticed your schedule on the wall at the rehearsal Sunday night and decided you needed some TLC.”

“We’ll be over Friday night for a movie night and some good old fashioned chilling. I’m bringing the fruit and other snacks.” Elliot added. “I let Dani pick the movie and games.”

“Now eat up so your bath doesn’t get cold. I added just the right oils for relaxation and sleep aid. There is yogurt, granola and fruit for your breakfast. I will know if you didn’t eat.”

With that Dani and Elliot both kissed his forehead and headed out the door, closing it tight behind them.

As he finished his dinner and washed his bowl and fork, realizing all his other dishes he hadn’t been able to do were done and shopping was done and things were cleaned, he pondered his life’s turns.

Even though school was full and wild and work was busy, Kurt was pretty happy. He actually was enjoying his classes and learning tons. Even if he never made it to Broadway, what he was learning now was providing the information he would need to help start community theater groups when he was older. He loved costuming, he liked props, and he had fun working sets and managing a stage. It didn’t make him want to give up his dreams of starring in a show like Rachel had yelled over the phone that it would, but it gave him a greater appreciation for the whole theater experience. He had fun in dance (oddly enough Ms. July was decent now that Blaine and Rachel weren’t there and hadn’t that been a disturbing few days of contemplation) and he learned a lot in his vocal courses, enjoying those as well. School was worth it.

His band was still together and they still performed, in fact they had a small following that would hound them for the next show date and would always show up. They never played to a room smaller than 50 now. All three and the band were fine with this, because they were all just in it for fun and enjoyment. They played with genre and costumes and did theme nights and it was fun. They’d even done weddings and birthday parties.

He had a lovely flat, which he had an extra room which he could rent out when he choose to but which working like he did he could cover on his own if he needed to. He controlled his own food. He didn’t have to worry about if Rachel was being a vegetarian that day or not, or about someone trying to fatten him up to relieve their own self-doubt. He could sing when he wanted and dance when he wanted and watch his own TV.

He had friends and wasn’t that an eye-opener, having real friends. He’d forever be grateful that Elliot got back from his retreat when he did. Elliot missed the whole break-up and the next several weeks while they still had to share the loft until the end of school…during which Kurt went to school and went to class and took his tests and sang when he was supposed to and did his assignments and went to work so rent could be paid and picked up the loft and Blaine went out and partied it up, coming home drunk and skipped classes and blew off June (for whom he was already skipping classes to start off with) or lay on the couch bemoaning life and moaning about how everything and everyone hated him, eating junk food and take out and not doing anything except moan and then yell and throw things. Elliot missed the spectacular melt down when Blaine was informed he flunked out. He missed the movers coming in the next day and Kurt having to stay home from work after watching Blaine trying to pack stuff that wasn’t his for fifteen minutes.

Elliot was home, though, by the end of that move-out week. He had popped over to discuss keeping the band going when the first of the angry texts came from Sam, and then from Brittany and Santana and Mercedes. The texts accusing Kurt of making Blaine flunk out, of making teachers give him bad grades. The ones accusing him of throwing Blaine out the moment they broke-up (which he didn’t) and stealing Blaine’s money by taking rent when he wasn’t even living in the apartment anymore (Blaine hadn’t even paid rent for the last two months) and taking all Blaine’s stuff. Elliot was there the day Kurt came home from his first psychologist visit (with the same guy that encouraged Rachel to see having an understudy as a plot against her and who told Blaine that it was healthy for him to be the alpha gay and Kurt to always be less than him, two confident people cannot work as a relationship, one must always be subservient and lying to each other only gave a relationship spice) and Elliot was there to point out that Kurt thought the guy was insane when Rachel and Blaine were seeing him, why would he think what the guy said to him to be less insane now? Elliot called Dani, who gave Kurt the name of several other individuals, all of whom were more comfortable to talk to and within which he found a psychologist who really did help.

Dani was home by the time he was ready to even consider starting to date, and before that Dani and Elliot dragged him out to other places and encouraged him to make friends at work and school. Chase was the one who suggested speed dating and got him a spot, Dani was the one he complained to about the guy who said he wasn’t over his boyfriend and also the one to suggest maybe it wasn’t Blaine they were talking about. Ellie, who he worked with at wardrobe, sat with him as he called the Apples he knew were still around, apologizing to them and asking for Adam’s contact information. Elliot held his hand while he called Adam and apologized. Elliot and Dani both insisted on meeting Adam, and they all talked as Kurt and Adam become friends again.

Kurt was able to rejoin the Apples and work with them. He reconnected to friends he’d started to make there. He connected again with friends he’d made in his stage combat and mime classes, and joined other clubs again.

Dani and Elliot and all the Apples around at the time were waiting at the coffee house kitty corner to the spot where everyone was supposed to meet up in 6 months’ time, and stayed until Kurt gave up. They took him out clubbing and reminded him why he was in New York. Dani called Chase who called Isabelle, who invaded the loft the next night with a party on the go, just to cheer him up. Elliot called Adam, who flew in over the weekend and they teamed up to drag Kurt sightseeing, to all those places Kurt had not taken the time to see since he was living there and not a tourist.

Kurt came back to New York after running to answer Rachel’s call, instead of staying in Lima. Instead of having the bad advice of that first psychologist and the old-flame speed dating guy in his head shouting and mixing with Rachel’s wish and desire to see them back together, Kurt had other voices. Ones who showed him what he’d suspected all along and told him that yes, choosing each day to love someone and trust someone was a good way to deal after they continually hurt you…however, that didn’t make it the only answer ever. The next day you can choose something else and it is not a failure. He was able to watch Blaine and David together and cry in the bathroom at the loss of a relationship he’d invested so much in, but he was also able to say NO. No to Rachel, No to the relationship and No to trying to fix something that had been so broken for so long. Furthermore, he realized he didn’t even have to start dating just yet. There was nothing that said he had to have a boyfriend at all times to be enjoying life.

His bath was still warm and even the towels were heated. Kurt laughed. He knew Dani liked to toss them in the microwave to heat. He relaxed and reached for the body wash Dani had set out. It was a favorite sleepy time mix that she’d found worked to combat insomnia.

He’d come home to New York. He did his work-study at the same home where he’d done Peter Pan. He helped them put on the musical Annie and the play Barefoot in the Park. He also picked up some extra hours helping a small children’s theater group just down the street from his loft put together a production of Alice In Wonderland after one of the aides at the old performers home found out he had done costumes when he was in high school. It wasn’t working with Broadway babies, heck some of the kids couldn’t sing what they were supposed to and not many could dance at all, but it was fun and so fulfilling to help provide the chance for the kids to be able to get up on a stage and perform to the best ability they could. He was able to take the classes he needed to take at the school and sing with the Apples again and perform with his band. He auditioned. He even managed to end up at two call-backs. Sure, he hadn’t made it onto the stage yet, but a call-back wasn’t anything to be laughed at. He’d played chorus parts in both NYADA musicals since the break-up. He’d scored near the top on all showcase performances he’d done. He was holding his own and he was doing well.

And with him not back in Lima, his dad and Carole had had to come to New York. His dad had had to take a vacation. Carole had had to take a vacation. His dad was able to meet Elliot and Dani and watch the band play on Elvis night. Carole was able to go to work with him at Vogue, and meet Isabelle and watch a photoshoot he’d worked wardrobe on. They went and watched a show. They talked about Finn without despair, able to laugh about what he’d have thought. It was good.

Kurt got out of the tub. He dried off, drained the water, and headed to his bed. He found the comfiest flannel PJs he owned on his bed, his blankets turned down, and Bruce in place. Somehow, he thought he might just have the best life ever.

#glee fanfic #Kurt Hummel #elliot gilbert #Dani

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21-11-98 · 6 years ago

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I didn’t want to be dramatic but shit it feels real. I’m twenty? Damn... I grew up to be horrible and I doubt 13-year-old me would feel proud or happy to see the me now. Things were reaaally hard and it felt like I was going through things I should’ve if I were 30 or older but age really doesn’t play a part in this and difficult times can come to you at anytime, any day to anyone, really. Every time I ask myself “why does this happen to me,” I tell myself either “worse things happen to other people” and try to understand and go through it or “What the fuck? My life is the worst” and be selfish as fuck, forgetting about everyone else’s feelings, and putting mine first. I really have to mind my language but rather than me lacking of vocabulary to express myself, it’s more like I’m having no words that can explain this “phase” that I went through.

I starved, I was exhausted, I didn’t have time for friends and had to put them aside, I was scared, I was lonely, I was frustrated, I over-worked, I defied, I lied, I had to do things against my will, I had to control myself, I couldn’t do anything about the situation, I witnessed, I felt people looking down on me, I felt people pitying me, I felt like I had to be blamed for certain things, I wanted freedom, I was stuck, I embarrassed myself, I cried in public, didn’t feel like I belonged, I was angry, I said things that hurt people, I was constantly moving, I was jealous, I didn’t know how to say ‘no’, I kept apologising, I owed, I felt like I had no one, I had no space, I kept falling ill, I became someone I told myself not to become.

My family, the police, the loansharks, the authorities, the managers, the family who lived next door under a roof, the guy upstairs, the guy who talks like he owns the world, the shit Wi-Fi, the small space we squeezed in, the friends who has everything, the places I have slept at, the guys and their never-ending smoking cigarettes, the guy who gets high, the guy who I raised my voice at, the guy who ransacks through our stuff, the lecturers, the people who had and didn’t have faith in me, the guy who asked me if I’m okay, the guy who I cried in front of, my immune system, my bank account, the people who cried for our unfortunate events, the people who couldn’t bear to see us going through it, the people who were there when I cried, the people who tried to fight for my good, the couple who’s always fighting, the people who tried to find a resolution, the people who gave me resolutions, the guy who gave my stuff away without permission, the guy who has a place to stay, the one who talks more rather than doing it, the one who is trying to give my brother advise but is not doing it, the person who re-arranges my stuff without permission, the person who can’t agree with how I do stuff, my aunts, my uncles, my bosses, my colleagues, the estate agent, my classmates, my group mates, my schoolmates, the people who accepted that I kept moving due to the good location, the people who don’t know the fact that I stay in a common room with the 5 of us squeezing together, the person who I told to seek therapy, the caretaker who is taking care of my grandmother, the people who had it worse than me, the people who found out that I degraded but kept didn’t say anything bad to me, the people who are going through pain continuously, the people who had to accept the fact of a person’s death, the guys who were interested in me for a second, the guys who wanted to make friends, the guys who suddenly stopped talking.

It really goes back to EOY 2014. After I had a break up, I cut ties with almost everyone and wasn’t even active on social media. This was probably a personal problem, which wasn’t even a serious matter to be upset about, but one thing for sure was that my depression back then was real. I probably didn’t know I had depression but looking back, I think it was – maybe a minor one. It really drained me so much that it even sucked my self-esteem and confidence that I had so much in secondary school. You can say that I was really outgoing in secondary school. Thus, I was the opposite when I entered poly. In poly, the critique and presentations were never-ending and of course you need confidence for it and I don’t remember having and while doing it. I skipped so much lessons that my lecturer told me off about my attendance.

It was then that I couldn’t even go home when I want to and needed updates if it was safe to come home. There’d be a group of guys screaming and banging at our door. It was terrible and really terrifying. It was traumatic and I still get anxious sometimes when I go out. It was worst if I was inside the house. So if I was outside, I would hangout at this neighbourhood bakery/cafe, slightly further from my house and wait until my mom tells me that it’s safe for me to come back home. And yes, that was when I had a place to call home. I couldn’t imagine how terrifying it was for my grandmother, who used to stay with us at the house. I was actually thankful that she has poor hearing. Despite her poor hearing, she could actually hear the knockings and asked about it. So we had to lie about it. Construction works, door-to-door sales. I don’t think she was that gullible to believe us. Back then, she was aware of everything, unlike now. We had to bear with the banging and yelling for weeks. We couldn’t even switch on the TV with the volume on. There wasn’t Wi-Fi and the channels were just local TV. Our bills for cable and Wi-Fi got cut off, the electricity and water went off a few times too and I had to call both of them to have more time and get a date to pay off our debts, even though we didn’t pay it back at the promised date. And things just kept happening to us. The banging and yelling was due to my dad’s company failing to win over a project and yes he was the owner of it. The company already bought the materials for the project, thinking they got it and it was thousands over dollars. He probably spent some of the money on us too. However, another Chinese company took over the project and the loans that he took turned into debts. He had to resort to loansharks to pay for the debts. I’d be lying if I didn’t blame my dad for the situation now. He was partially responsible for it but he was really working hard for the family back then. I was living comfortably back then and I didn’t realise it till unfortunate hits me. He had to declare himself bankrupt and my mom rented out the house to pay for the debts.

My brother got himself into some trouble too. I am thankful that he has repented now but the things he does back then was so extreme for me to witness. I mean, I didn’t witness anything besides the police coming over to our house. The police came to our house for two cases on the same week! How can a 16-year-old girl not be traumatised? Throughout the night, the police stayed, from about 12AM to morning at about 6AM? Not so sure. I was just joking around with my sister getting midnight snacks and suddenly there were people knocking and greeting at the door. My sister and me immediately went inside the room, cuddled up, pretending to be asleep. I remembered leaving the door open so I saw my grandmother walking out, making her way to the washroom. I was so afraid she would open the door but then again, I was thankful for her poor hearing. She probably heard the knockings but pretend to not be aware of what’s happening. That night, my brother kissed us to sleep and told us to take care. I remember him crying and hugging my parents for so long. I didn’t have a good relationship with him because of the stupid stuff he do now but thankfully we’re good now~ He stayed inside until the police went off. My parents brought him to my aunt’s place and he seeks shelter there for days. He is really thankful for my aunt and her family. She has a big heart and without reluctance took him in for shelter. He still talks about this every now and then and can’t forget about the deed she did for him. We continued staying there even without Wi-Fi for weeks. My aunts and uncles actually came over to our place despite the situation and even witnessed the banging and yelling of the loansharks. I was so embarrassed and of course everyone pitied me but that was what I hate. I hate being looked down on and people sympathising me but I had to be sympathised for.

My aunt suggested me to pack and stay over at her place. At first I was thinking will there actually be space for all of us to fit in? There were 6 of us; they have 2 plus my aunt’s family. That’d make it 11 of us staying in a three-room flat. But we managed to stay there for almost 2 years. The five of us, stayed in a less than 30m² room. During the 2 years: Initially it was my grandma and Isleeping with my aunt and my cousin. My parents, my brother and my sister slept in the small room. And then my brother moved out to my other cousin’s place. And then my sister moved out there too. And then I moved in to the small room with my parents. And then my sister came back after we bought a double-decker bed. My sister and I slept on top and my parents slept below. Before that, we were all squeezing below with a mattress and if you’re unlucky you could sleep on the cold hard floor.

I always had projects and submissions so I was always awake till late. I am more of a night person anyways. I had to have a big space to do models so I did my work outside. I need a good connection to watch shows on my laptop so I had to do it outside. I was always being told off by the woman next door to keep my volume down when it wasn’t even loud and it pisses me off. I couldn’t do anything because i had nothing! I had no money to move out or a place to do my work. I remembered suddenly seeing my toothbrush in the bin… out of all toothbrushes. Why did she even have grudges against me? Also my aunt told me off for always sleeping late and told me the cause of my runny nose is sleeping late. But I understand that because it was for my well-being, but I was sensitive then, and so I moved in with my parents at the back always remembered to download the shows in school before i came back home so I could watch them at the back, in our room with the poor signal. I had to bear with that for 2 freaking years! I am so thankful to my aunt for letting us stay over but the people next door were really testing my patience.

My grandma’s legs were getting weaker and weaker so she needs assistance and guidance whenever she needs the washroom. Of course I had to stay awake, alert and had to wake up every time she needs the washroom. Even at the holiest times like 3AM or 4AM and she always wake up really early. I was there for her even before the 2 years, even at our old house, but I’ll always be in debt to her because she practically raised me! I love her so much and I’m always thankful and sorry… I couldn’t do anything for her to have a house… I’m still so young and penniless and that made me frustrated and sad. It was almost like she got kicked out of the house with us… I will never stop being sorry to her.

I remembered in 2016 while we were staying at our aunt’s house two weeks before my trip to Korea (which I worked my ass off for), she was hospitalised after she fell and it was partially my fault. I can’t stop blaming myself whenever she fell but really… I hid the fact that I wanted to kill myself. Until now, it felt like I was to be blamed for her being confused and unaware. My mom was frantically calling out my name but I didn’t go out immediately. She tried to get a grip of my grandma but she tripped. My mom was holding on to hot coffee to serve her and of course, she couldn’t help my grandma to prevent her from tripping. A day after, her arms felt hot and swollen. Maybe the fall had made the gout “activated” and we brought her to the hospital. She was hospitalised for days. I was on the look out at night to accompany her till the sun down every night, except one hehe. One of the days, the doctors reported that her calcium was too high. They gave her medications to bring the calcium down but it made her so cranky and weird… I was so scared. It was early in the morning at about 8AM, when my cousin who was a nurse at the hospital, just ended her shift and bought me breakfast. Luckily, she was there with me. My grandma kept saying she wanted to go home and to just kill her rather than staying there. My cousin was there to assure me that it was just a side effect of the drugs but of course I was still in shock. I really wanted to cry, and to add on to that I didn’t have enough sleep and had work later that night at the movies. I really hope it wouldn’t happen again. How did the words come out from my sweet grandmother’s tongue? A few days later, her condition got better, though she was partially unaware, and got to be discharged. My flight was on the same day of her discharge.

I worked so hard for my trip to Korea at the cinema. One of the reasons I had the money to fly off there was. A year ago, when I was working in a cafe, I worked hard just so that I have enough money to go to Korea. So I had enough money covered for the flight and accommodation. I worked at the movies so I can earn money to go for shopping. I worked so much but the rate of my pay was $6.50/hour exclusive of CPF. I went for work after school; sometimes I get to only go home after 3AM. Even after my trip to Korea, I stayed because my colleagues were nice to me and i had a really amazing manager. Which soon left because a new manager came in and he couldn’t get along with her. Not so sure why I still stayed after he left but I stayed. I was so broke, I should’ve left earlier and find a job with a better pay. I was wronged one day and the managers decided to suspend me for a week. To this day, I still felt wronged and not sure why I was punished with a suspension, it wasn’t intentional or a crime. Their decision to suspend me led me to quitting the job. I was actually fired because I didn’t go for work a week after suspension but beats me. I was working there for over a year and they didn’t take my side or believed me. I did not regret my decision then.

While I was working at the cinema, I actually had another part-time job with my sister. She was the admin of it and she introduced me to it. I really liked it and the pay was good. It was a pizza making workshop for kids, sometimes for students and older people, but most of the time for kids. It was really easy, I can either host, assist or/and bake and clean up before and after. I just need to prepare for the next workshop and clean, mop, sweep. That’s all. I only worked there for half a year and then I got fired for the pettiest reason ever. My boss and my sister couldn’t get along and he fired me? Since my sister introduced the job to my cousin, my boss fired her as well. She was just about to start working and was already cut. It was so unfair and petty.

While I was working at the workshop, I was also working at a kindergarten every Thursday and most of the days at a karaoke. I applied for the job at the karaoke right after I was cut off from the cinema. Unexpectedly, I got the job and am still working there right now. It has been a year and 4 months now to be exact. The kindergarten job was easy. All you had to do was to teach them science with scenes and stories and materials prepared beforehand with the cute kids! but it was difficult for me to commute as it was in the north and I am not familiar with the area. I was only able to work there for a few months because they had a class, which I was unable to attend to, and I didn’t hear from them afterwards. So I actually had a point of time when I was doing 3 part-time jobs at a time. Actually, I had two. I did Deliveroo while working at the karaoke and teaching science at the kindergarten. Currently, I am working at the karaoke and assisting with the workshops that my cousin holds every weekend. My job shows how broke I am even when I am a full-time student.

In December, after I came back from Japan, our estate agent who helped us rented our house told my mom that there was a 3-room flat that is being rented out for a few months for cheap. It was really cosy and I was really happy to be able to stay there. It was a few months of happiness in the east. My brother continued staying at my cousin’s place as it was easier for him to commute to work but he still comes over the east to hang out. During the period of time, my good for nothing uncle apparently got a divorce and has no place to stay. So he stayed with my brother at my cousin’s place. We had the place until end of April and our short happiness ended. We had to move to a place and we moved in with my brother at our married cousin’s place, in a small room estimated about 36m². My uncle had no choice but to sleep outside, as we were moving in into the room. According to my brother, he was hardworking with the housekeeping chores when it was only them staying there but ever since he had to sleep outside, he’s a mess. There was once when he took my sister’s phone and my sister knew right away because there was no one else in the house at that point of time. There are also times when he would stare blankly and stayed in that same position for a very long time. Of course I was and still am scared and unsafe to know that someone like that is staying in the same house as me. There were also times when I was preparing food during Ramadan and he was taking pictures of me from afar? I was so bummed out but I still had to continue preparing it. My sister assured me that it was probably to send his girlfriend (ew) but it’s still not right? It’s so weird and uncomfortable. Help me…

The guys staying here are extremely heavy smokers and smokes a lot everyday in the living room. It’s so strong that even when I slightly open the room door, I could smell cigarettes. Bless my lungs and my respiratory system… Again, if I had money or if I were older with a proper career, I would’ve already moved out. It’s too much smoke for me to handle. My breathing is at risk! My health is involved. Five guys smoking in a space, probably cancerous.

Staying here made it difficult for me to be organised and find for stuff. It was the same with staying with my aunt the last two years before staying in the east. It was due to the limited space that we had to use the second floor of the double decker bed to store our clothes… and the rest of my family members had to sleep on the floor.

It is slightly better now but I’ll never and I should not forget what I had gone through the past years. There has to be a day I’ll be successful and tell my success story too, right? If there was, I hope to bump into this memo.

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