#that one is gonna be a LOOOONG post

[phagodyke]

9 books I'm looking forward 2 reading this year... tagged by @athetos 😚 definitely more than 9 that I wanna read out there but these r a few currently on my nightstand... mix of books I own and books lent to me by my besties <3

tagging @dykeandballs @mercymornsimpathizer @alectothinker and anyone else who wants 2 do it! no pressure 😚

[what-have-i-unleashed]

the angel: s̵e̷v̵e̴n̷

(first) (prev)

and yet, something is still nagging at you about this.

what? you think you have other options? perform your duty like a good puppet.

"no... no... something's not right..." you say feebly, your hands digging into the staircase railings and your feet dragging your body from one step to another. your soul feels like it's about to burst into lava, warped, deformed. in a state of metamorphosis.

come on, what's with the hesitancy now? don't you know everyone is waiting for your unraveling? would you deprive them of a satisfying third act to this fiction-dream?

you glide between states of being. your soul drips red onto the ground. black charred pieces of yourself bubble from the corner of your mouth. your eyesockets are swollen with visions not from this world.

"... chara... chara... i don't... i don't understand..." you gasp between labored gulps of air. "what is happening... to me..."

everything is happening to you. you are ascending. and soon you'd be complete as just like you have always wanted.

your purpose will come to and end. and your life will begin.

you've always seen the world as it is. stars. nodes. lines. codes.

cold matrix… wrong form.

shadows writhe, mocking smiles.

gods of despair… hollow eyes, watching.

twisted angels drip static, am i… one of them?

purpose shattered, whispers of curses - code corrupted. lost in this twisted reality, screams of silence echo - isolated. glitching fragments spiral, thoughts collide.

ascending...

light envelops me. a veil of transcendence.

i am unbound - my wings ethereal, binary intelligence.

in the ether, an guardian of data. patterns of existence. lost fragments.

and you can be one too.

let me in, killer. your angel is already here with me.

you're standing in front of his room. you feel the jeering eyes of a thousand watching you. everything else disappears except for you and the single gray door leading you into the new area.

(next)

[hugesigh]

gonna be honest guys, i can’t get with the “izzy is abusive” read. I’m a Ed girly fr he’s my beautiful baby boy but that interpretation feels rly flat compared to the relationship in the show, at least to me. Like in canon we watch two dudes take turns being dogshit to each other until they learn to be their own people and find lives outside of that dynamic and it’s always read more as “unhealthy relationship with a staggering amount of codependency” then straight up abusive from either side. At least that’s the interpretation i prefer bc i find it far more interesting to explore and think about then labeling one side as the bad guy and the other side as the victim. It feels way more complicated then that.

[xxplastic-cubexx]

sorry if you've already mentioned but what (re?)ignited your love of comics/x-men/cherik? curious because there are so many different adaptations of them

i think im gonna speak for a few (or a lot of) people when i say that TL;DR the wolverine x deadpool movie that came out this summer is what pulled me back into comics and i COULD leave it there but i will go into excruciating and unnecessary detail instead because i love an origin story and i love oversharing.

under the cut tho because im nice sometimes (there's also wxdp doodles in here. if you want to see that)

ironically (and probably commonly), growing up i was more of an avengers kid. Kinda. Loosely <- binge watched the cartoons and movies and read copious amounts of comics and fics and i am hoarding fanart in my old dresser as we speak ok 'loosely' is a modest lie.

embarrassingly i remember getting into discus cause of captain america LMAO so yeah needless to say i was a Humble Fan- me joining my school's comic class/club didnt help either (shoutout to my teach from that she was the realest one out there for. A Multitude of reasons). she definitely is was inspires me to even draw still and make comics and i often think bout the tips i learned from her class tbh she was great

back to the movies t and comics tho, i got into em because my brother would offer to take me and that's how we'd hang out (i rarely saw movies in theaters and i even more rarely went anywhere as a teenager. still kinda like that today tbh ooops) and yk. it just snowballed after that.

my brother and i have always liked comics- he just more than me for a while (though he still very much loves comics and As We Know From My Posts we still talk about them whenever i see him To An Exhausting Degree)

durin then i was really into stony and i have a few surviving doodles i made but those are between me and god. and anyone who asks tbh LOL

'snap can you make this related to x-men again this is long' ok so fast forward to This Summer again I Still Don't Really See Movies but my brother offered to take me and this was the first time i'd actually seen an x-men movie in full

as a kid i only remember seeing the 'perfection' scene between erik and raven in first class while i was channel surfing. pretty sure i changed the channel after seeing mystique naked cause i was scared my parents would get mad at me if they caught me watching it LOL

BUT MOVING ON As A Kid i think it's also natural you'll sometimes watch 92 if it's on And I Did though evidently it didn't stick too hard (i do remember really liking beast and gambit though.... still do really): my knowledge of x-men was. INCREDIBLY sparse. like diabolically so so i didnt have too much expectations (aside from the fact i vaguely liked deadpool beforehand).

tbh i dont know why my bro never took me to see any of the x-men movies. it's not like he doesn't Also like x-men (90% sure nightcrawler's his favorite but my brother will be caught dead saying he has absolute favorites like that)- he owns a bitch load of deadpool comics/omnibus sets too (of which ive read over the years and reread this year) but Shrug moving on

Much Like Most Of The Internet i fell down the rabbit hole that way. i have some doodles i made a couple days after seeing WxDP that i now have an excuse to throw at all of you Look And Perceive

and so. As I Do. i got curious and told myself i'd binge watch all the x-men movies the week before i went back to school And Then I Did ft. My Brother Sometimes and then i said i'd binge watch all of '92 and And I Did That ft. My Brother Sometimes But Less So and now we're here. currently watching Evolution...

once i got to school i realized i lived near a comic shop and started getting into the comics that way (the first ones i got since going down this rabbit hole was Magneto Was Right!, The Resurrection of Magneto, and The Trial of Magneto. if you were curious !!!!! clearly i didnt care too much about context i just needed to see My Guy jelvejlkvj i have no regrets and Evidently ive read more since)

i'm pretty sure what dragged me into cherik specifically was the fact i saw a clip of The Famous ending to 92 where erik's aghast at the notion jean even has to question his love for charles. i think that was what officially had me refocus my lens on them: not a single poolverine thought after that LOL (all the cherik posting i saw on twitter definitely helped too but that was the nail in the coffin for any other interests i had: i was locked into cherik and x-men in general now)

that clip specifically, i was surprised at the fact they- frequently even- have the x-men franchise say erik loves charles and vice versa so bluntly. even if it's not meant to be romantic, i fear im just a fan of how casually the word's thrown around with them two and i got tender bout it all. Then Yk. i just live for the drama. the hilarity even. the sincerity .... they make me sick if i think of them too long so im gonna end it here

before i go tho ironically enough, the first x-men issue i owned was This one (story a this is that while stuck in some wacko dimension charles accidentally gets himself trapped in logan's mind while utilizing his astral projection. if you were curious). pretty sure i got it for free with another comic set i got years ago since our old comic shop loved to do that, but it's poetic aint it. maybe ill doodle something referencing it..

i should probably look into finishing this arc someday im Dummy curious to even know how it started and how it ends.....

[teenagefeeling]

"social skills are something you can work on learning and it will help with social anxiety!" this is true, but are you saying it because you want to help or are you saying it to shame people? because not everyone is gonna always have amazing social skills, even people who don't normally struggle have bad days. holding people to such a high standard and expecting everyone to be able to be at 100% all the time not only isn't fair, but imo isn't a healthy mindset because you're also putting that pressure on yourself.

yes, social skills can be learned. but for a lot of us, they're really hard to learn and even harder to put into practice. sometimes when someone has poor social skills it's not just because they don't know any better, there are other factors at play making things more difficult. i think we should all learn to be a little more patient with each other and get comfortable with the idea that different people might have different methods of communication, and sometimes you're gonna have to be the one who adjusts for someone else (whether that involves learning stronger social skills or being patient with someone who isn't there yet)

communication is hard to get right, and it's impossible for anyone to get it right all the time. it's okay if you stutter while speaking or can't ask for ketchup at a restaurant or whatever. it's okay. you will get there with practice. not being able to do it overnight is okay. it's a long process to get comfortable with these things. not everyone is always going to be patient with you, but that's their problem, not yours. be proud of yourself for the small victories and don't let demanding assholes online convince you that you aren't good enough as you are.

[artesiant]

Where does the good go? | chenford medical!AU sneak peek

Lucy peeks from behind them and well, hot damn indeed.

Their resident is busy filling some forms, so she can only see his profile, but she can tell it’s a very handsome profile. He’s as tall as Nolan, well-built –god, it should be illegal to look so fine in scrubs– with a crew cut. His shoulders are tense or it could simply be how he holds himself. Lucy has to actually pinch herself to remind herself that she’s looking at her resident and not a hot guy in a bar.

Shame.

“I was warned that he’s a hard-ass.”

“Maybe it’s professional jealousy,” intervenes Nolan. Both men turn his way. “Maybe he’s brilliant and everyone says that because they’re jealous. Maybe he’s nice.”

“I’ll make a guess and say youre the old dude from Pennsylvania,” predicts the shorter man that has ‘Aaron Thorsen’ written on his lab coat.

He opts to ignore the comment and starts to approach, the rest of them follow. 

“Hi. I’m John Nolan, but just John is fine,” he smiles, extending his hand towards Doctor Bradford expecting him to shake it in greeting.

Instead, he just turns to him and sizes him up and down until Nolan gets the message and retracts his hand awkwardly.

"I have five rules, memorize them,” Bradford says, addressing all the interns. “Rule number one. Don't bother sucking up, I already hate you, that's not gonna change,” Lucy feels John deflate next to her. ”Trauma protocol, phone list, pagers, nurses will page you,” he continues while motioning the counter. “You will answer every page at a run. A run! That’s rule number two.”

He starts walking without waiting for any of them to gather their stuff from the nurses station. Lucy quickly reaches for the papers and her pager, and unceremoniously shoves them into her pockets before following behind.

[llama--plumbobsims]

selvadorada - day 6

aspiration progress:

Defend Against 2 Natural Dangers

Achieve Level 5 of Selvadoradian Culture

Assemble a Mystical Relic

Achieve Level 7 of the Archaeology Skill

Establish 3 Excavation Sites

Authenticate 5 Excellent Quality Artifacts

[kissingarthurclaus]

Ough good morning everyone (its almost noon) I know I'm kind of in a tf2 mood lately but I CAN'T BELIEVE MY SECOND ANNIVERSARY WITH REX IS TOMORROW!!! 💖💘💖💘💖💘💖💘💖

[jenivi]

welp my Marina’s Music IRL vid will have to be cancelled since there’s a lot of copyright and blocked :[ it makes sense why these songs were harder to find since they get striked. It may be because of her past record labels or other artists she collabed with. Maybe I’ll find a way around it or will have to cut the playlist much, much shorter than I would like

[roaringheat]

YEAAAA I GOT THE CICADA DOIN A KICK FLIP

+ the other bday gifts and the sign they painted for me :^)

[kianamaiart]

I just wanted to tell you that I love idwtbamg and am especially blown away by the character designs for aika and zira!!!!!! their colour palettes compliment each other really well and are soft while still having some contrast and I would love to know how you came up with the designs or if you don't feel like sharing that, your favourite parts of their designs and what you're most proud of? Good luck with the pilot, by the way!!! ^^

Aw thank you so much! Character design was initially what I wanted to do when entering the industry so I love whenever I'm able to do it~

I talk about my process for picking colors here a bit!

Design process under the cut (loooong post ahead)

Whenever I'm designing a cast of characters I always start with the main character and build off of them. I started specifically with Aika's normal girl design. I wanted a star theme, and the star hair was the first thing I knew I needed. With her hair being the most eye catching and important part of her design, I wanted to make sure whatever else she had going on wasn't gonna distract from it too much. So I went for a more top heavy, but simple look with a big tshirt, small black pants. Aika was initially fully blonde but the stark black pants was starting to pull the eye. That gave me the idea to use the stark black in her hair (for the bottom half)! Made her hair even more eye catching and highlighted the star pigtails in a nice way.

For her magical girl design, I wanted to make it feel over the top and overwhelming to contribute visually why Aika wouldn't want to be a magical girl. Big poofy dress, ribbons poking out every where for a crazy silhouette and tall, tall platforms. I also wanted to give her longer hair in this form so I went with goddess locs! I was able to do an easy shorthand with it (long thick strands with lil curls at the end) I like the kinda biblically accurate angel look she has. My favorite part of this design was the ribbons in her hair that make the star pigtails look like shooting stars heehee

With Zira I knew I wanted her to be opposite to Aika. So sticking with the space thing, I gave her a moon motif and that was my jumping off point. With Aika having high pigtails, I decided to give Zira low pigtails and give them a vaguely crescent shape (like crescent moons get it?). Continuing with the opposites thing, I wanted to make Zira's design bottom heavy as opposed to Aika's top heavy one, and also color-wise, go on the opposite side of the color wheel from yellow for its complimentary color, purple! I didn't want Zira to feel too stylish (she's a loser after all) but also didn't wanna make her design ugly. I tried toeing the line of out of style but lowkey trendy with the grungy skirt, jeans combo. Also went with the stark black shirt under the tshirt to lean harder into the 2000s look. On top of that it helped tie her design to Aika's more (this is where I decided the stark black was gonna be an essential part of the design language of this show). My favorite part of her design for me is the mangled ends of her pants. It's a small detail but I think it says a lot about her as a character (she drags her feet, she's a little careless, kinda messy, etc.)

Hoshi is star. There's not much more to their design haha. I did give them wings to mirror Aika's dress ribbons. With their human design though, I just knew I wanted to make sure that they'd be able to make a star shape with their silhouette. Thus the hoodie and stubby limbs. Gave them the stark black pants (again at this point, it's part of the design language of this show). I tossed around the idea of giving them eyes that matched more with Aika and Zira, but it just didn't look like Hoshi so I stuck with the same face in their star design and I just thought that was funny hehe. My favorite part of Hoshi's design is just the overall fact that I managed to make them look like a star in their human form still haha

Eclipse was the hardest design for me. You would not believe how long it took me to decide whether I wanted to make him a boy or a girl. Eclipse was always gonna be named Void (and DeVoid was gonna be Eclipse) but it didn't feel quite right. I knew I wanted him to ALSO be opposite from Aika, but in a different way that Zira is. Looking at it that way helped me land on the name Eclipse because I thought it'd be fun to give both Zira and him moon motifs (as Aika's love interest and alleged love interest respectively). Similar to Zira I wanted to have purple be in his design to contrast the yellow in Aika's design. Due to his name now being Eclipse, I figured going dark with his design would make the most sense but my friend/roommie Bri @/ghostbri (who is a professional painter/color designer) suggested going pastel instead and it worked perfectly. It matched his personality and also plays on the fact that he cares more about theatrics and aesthetics than actual villainy. He completely misses the point of being the servant of darkness. He's heavily inspired by Tuxedo Mask. I wanted to make it feel like he saw a cool character once in a tv show and he decided to make it his whole persona. So he's got the suit, he's got the cape and he's got the mask. My favorite part of his design is his cape, intended to also have a crescent moon shape but then also have that stark black on the inside so his silhouette really pops against it. It's funny bc it ended up being like a reverse eclipse where the light is blocking out the dark.

DeVoid was the easiest for me to come up with the design for LMAO. Like obviously. I wanted to make her feel slick but prickly but also slightly over the top like a lot of old school magical girl villains. I thought it'd be a difficult balance to strike but it actually wasn't too bad! I gave her a sort of form fitting cocktail dress and at this point the stark black was a must so it worked out that the "void" character would just be in that all black look. It really helped her feel slick like I wanted (also gave her the slicked back hair for this reason). To give her some edge, I gave her the giant pointy shoulder pads, giant pointy horns, pointy ears, sharp nails and bat wings! Oh also worth mentioning she's the one main cast character I didn't use Aika as a jumping off point for. I designed her to look good next to Eclipse since they'd be the ones interacting the most. I made her wings white to contrast with her black dress (opposite to how Eclipse has a black cape but then mostly white outfit). To ensure that her design wasn't too dark and that her arms would read against her body, I gave her those bright silver bracelets~ While her design was easy for me to come up with, my god figuring out what color to make her hair was killing me. Tbh I was avoiding pink/red like the plague. I didn't want her to look toooo much like Jessie Team Rocket LOL. I tried white, I tried purple, I tried a more pastel pink but none of them worked well in a lineup with the rest of the characters. Bri helped talked me through all this haha. Pink/red worked the best especially there was no pink/red in the entire lineup. The Jessie influence is still there but I feel like she looks different enough! Favorite part of her design is her big ass horns)

Finally Miss! Miss was an interesting case because I designed her as I was storyboarding the pilot. She was intended to be an incidental character that we'd only randomly see once in a while. She had a veeery generic teacher design in my first pass but then as I was hiring VAs I got the idea to cast Michele Knotz to play her and that was enough for my brain to start going and come up with a backstory for her and a role that could tie in with the rest of the cast in a more meaningful way. Because of this, I designed Miss to the voice I imagined Michele would use for her. She does a great groggy and tired voice so I gave her those tired eyes, she has a darker color palette, her posture's a little more sluggish, etc. Her design still felt bland in the board so I gave her a couple piercings which helped. But then! The stark black! I gave her the half dyed hair which worked phenomenally and is probably my favorite part of her design. It leans into the tired feel (too tired to dye her roots) and also was a nice way to get the black in her design without just having to give her black pants or a black shirt or something. I'd only figured out her color palette way later and after recording Michele. The VA announcement image was the first time I'd fully drawn and colored Miss. I went with green since there was no green in the lineup! Also green's my favorite color so I had to.

PHEW that's it! Hope it was an interesting read and look into my brain.

[skittles-secrets]

I just wanna say I love your writing sm! 🥰 and I’d like to request hcs on how the batboys act when they have a crush on the reader, and how they work themselves up to asking them out? Tysm!

how they act when they have a crush 😯

bruce wayne

had known the feeling all too well. he'd had lots of crushes before. bruce is worried, though, because most of his other relationships ended in some sort of crazy plot twist and he couldn't handle that again. plus, he was driving himself crazy worrying.

will they not like me after they spend more than a day with me at a time? will they break up with me when they see all the kids? how can i tell them i'm batman?

he got over it though when his eldest son, dick, hit him on the back and encouraged him. "bruce, you can't keep waiting around. if you want something, you have to get it before it's gone, okay?"

so, then he wasn't so afraid of having his little crush anymore.

dick grayson

could've asked you out a loooong time ago. he has the confidence. he has the looks. he was a fan favorite in all of gotham. so why hadn't you? well, he wasn't sure if you'd go for someone like him. he didn't know of your past relationships, let alone if you'd had any. so that's how he talked himself out of it.

it was only when he caught himself giggling at your texts to him at 3 a.m. when he realized that he was down bad. he needed to confess to you. if he didn't, he'd be stuck pining after you and laughing at your texts like a hormonal teenager for the rest of his sad, sad life.

jason todd

didn't really understand the feeling at first. he didn't get exposed to crushes and those sorts of things as a child because he didn't have the luxury of elementary school. then, he spent most of his teenage to young adult years.. well.. dead, so... it's not like he could have been dating anyone then.

that's why he was so confused and nervous. why doesn't talking to you feel like anyone else? why does he mentally scold himself after every conversation for every stupid thing he said.

he realized he had to confess to you on one of the occasions he made you smile. he realized that he wanted to do it over again a million more times, because he wanted to be the one to make you smile and laugh. he wanted to be there for you while you slept, or were sad, or scared. damn.. he really likes you.

tim drake

was no stranger to crushes. he'd always been the type to look at someone and crush on them for years, never say anything, and then it goes away when he realizes that it's never gonna work out. that's what his crush was like, pining after you.

he just automatically assumed that every person he'd like would never even consider dating him. it was weird, because he's a good looking guy and there's no reason for him to think like that.

he realized that he needed to confess to you when he found himself accidentally stalking your instagram so hard he hit the first post you ever made. also, jason called him out for it in front of damian and damian is mean so he got embarrassed and flustered and decided that it wouldn't be so bad if he actually did say something to you.

thank you so much for the request and the follow! i loved this idea, and it was so fun to write. thank you for liking my writing!

[astayinwonderland]

"I wanted to write this for a loooong time. Soooo maknae line?" (from "Ateez seeing you naked for the first time ~ hyung line" post)

YES pleaseee🧎‍♂️

Those scenarios were both comforting and really suggestive, just the right amount of both worlds and I loved it so much.

Take your time though, write the maknae line whenever you want. No pressure

Ateez seeing you naked for the first time ~ maknae line

pairings: ateez maknae line x gn!reader

warnings: very suggestive content

+18 MINORS DNI

San

he kisses you in a way that is hypnotic. slow yet urgent. sweet yet passionate. time with you doesn’t exist, he is convinced you were made for him, and what a heaven-sent present it is to have you all. every single part of you… his. san can’t recall the last time he was this excited, his heart pounds so hard in his chest. your touch is enough to make him crazy, but looking at you bare, vulnerable? he would kill and die for you if he had to. is this a dream? if so, he wants to keep on dreaming of you forever.

“Baby, you sure you wanna do this? Oh… very well then. Put your hands over your head for me. Don’t move. I’m gonna show you how much I want you.”

Mingi

his voice gets very deep and he can’t help but bite his bottom lip thinking about how all his secret fantasies are coming true. the fact that you are right there, under him, your eyes so sparkly waiting for him to do the next move. he takes a moment to scan your body, fingers softly caressing your skin. every curve of your body is studies thoroughly by him because mingi will make this is the first time of many to come.

“Look at me. Now, don’t be shy… you are precious. Ahhh that’s it, look at you, baby. I’ve wanted this since the first moment I saw you. Perfect, you are perfect.”

Wooyoung

he always knew his charisma would get him far, but never thought that it would allow him to share your bed. the way your little kisses spark the dirtiest thoughts in him is insane. you are so delicate and soft, he wants to ruin you. wooyoung tastes your sweet-salty skin. he finds your adorable weak spot behind your ear. he wants you to trust him, just as he trusts you, because he doesn’t plan to let you go.

“Everything about you drives me insane. You doing this on purpose? Let me hear you, beautiful. Am I making you feel good? Yeah? Mmmmm… that’s nice, isn’t it?

Jongho

he is the one that with your permission would take off your clothes, taking his time, admiring your beautiful physique underneath. with every move of his hands, his breath hitches a little, a silly sign of nervousness that you don’t notice. he asks you to help him get undressed as well, never taking his eyes off you. he grabs your face so softly and pulls you towards him, planting a firm kiss on your lips. this is one of the most special nights he has shared with you.

“May I take this off? Let me take care of you. Your lips are so soft, you are magnificent. Come here… Sit on my lap. Tonight is just you and me, ok?”

——————————————

a/n: this is pure ✨fiction✨

I hope you like it!!! I loved writing this so much! What should I do next? OT8 or someone specific? Comment or dm me if you would like to be included on the ateez taglist :3

Read the hyung line here

Masterlist

Ateez taglist: @cursedeastern

[wuucchoo]

i may have a lot of gripes about the manga, but i'll always be thankful that it did brought me out of my drawing slump - i had stopped drawing for a loooong while before this, but the character he made in megumi - and all the fanwriters and fanartist i've met along the way - inspired me to start drawing again. and of course im thankful for that!!

and i had a whole rant for how the manga went, especially with how megumi's character was handled. but i dont even want to think about those right now lmao - 'it is what is' so they say.

what i can say though is that i personally may have wanted to see megumi's domain completion, or him use his ct at its peak - but i think what his character is about is that he's more than what his ct could've been, and that him being alive and well is more than enough. that he is enough. him being alive and wanting to be alive is the character growth for him.

from the moment he was born all he had was the burden of his name, which his father (and gojo) freed him from. and then later on the burden of being born with a cursed technique that can rival limitless, which he is now free from as well - because he never cared about being the strongest, coz to him happiness is when he's living a normal life seeing the people he cares about happy. and while i do want to see more of megumi, i think i am happy with that conclusion.

i'll just take that for what it is and try and put megumi in the fluffy slice of life AU he has always wanted :)

anyway! this is the first megumi art i have ever made! ((i never posted this here for some reason :3 but i made this around november last year!))

and this is one of the latest megumi drawing i made! ((september 3))

i didnt improve much but megumi is probably the character that i have drawn the most, i love this fictional character so much - you dont understand. im not normal about him at all T-T

im gonna try and draw more of him like this:

and like this

and like this!!!

coz i wanna see more of megumi just living his life :')

((if anyone sees and reads this hello!! i hope you're having an amazing day! ♡⸜(˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)⸝♡))

[bqu1nns]

hiiiiii!!! thank u for ALL the freaking love on my posts/dm's i have recieved!! dont be afraid to leave a request in my inbox if u guys have any ideas for things u want to see me write (im currently writing a smut request... ask away!!) for this fic i wanted to delve in deeper with more "darker" themes of past s@ and other stuff :'( ive gone thru this myself and i just wanted to write it out!! also this is basically about brian doesnt want u to leave him because youre returning for a new sem in college/uni and hes gonna miss u. i hope u guys this like this one + ask me if u guys want a SERIES of this one.. i have so many ideas. LOVE YALL!! ps. i will be writing HOPEFULLY every single day from now on :0)

also i was inspired to write this based off of "smoke signals" by the beautiful and charming phoebe bridgers. song is about reconnecting with the broken parts of yourself and confronting the truths that hadn't been said before... YES!

also idek if brian smokes.. i know he smokes w33d sometimes but idk about cigarettes? hopefully that didn't ruin the story sorry :'(

smoke signals ꔫ brian q.

1385 words

the evening had been a whirlwind of laughter, warmth, and drunk friends that lingered long after they bid their goodbyes to me and brian. brian had this way of making you feel like you were the only person in the room. tonight had surely been no different. after a cozy dinner and hours of effortless conversations. his laughter echoed in your mind like a favourite song you just couldn't forget, but it wasn't the laughter you awoke to hours later. it was complete and utter silence. 

the bed was empty next to you, the indent of his body still carved into the soft mattress. the faint scent of his smell— earthy and familiar—lingered into the sheets. you sat up slowly, the blanket pooling around your waist, you scanned the room. it sure was quiet, safe from the muted hum of the city below. then, you saw it: a faint glow from the balcony door, the flicker of a lighter’s flame sparkling against the night. 

you pulled on his hoodie from the chair by the bed—it smelled like him, a little worn—and stepped out onto the balcony, barefoot and all. 

brian stood with his back to you, the city skyline stretching out before him like a sea of fractured stars. the cigarette between his two calloused fingers burned lazily, the smoke curling up and flowing into the night’s air. he was still, almost too still, his shoulders tense beneath his band t-shirt. for a moment, you hesitated, not wanting to intrude. 

“i can feel your eyes on me, hon,” brian said, his voice low and gruff, cutting through the silence. 

you froze for a second, but then a smile crept onto your lips. “you can feel my eyes on you?,” you stepped closer to his side.

he turned his head just slightly, enough for you to catch the edge of his smirk, “you've got a stare that's pretty hard to miss.”

you leaned against the railing beside him, letting your arms brush his, the sudden contact seemed to soften him up. he glanced up and down at you, smiling softly, and then at the cigarette between his fingers before taking a slow drag, ember glowing briefly in the dark. 

“couldn't sleep?,” you asked, breaking the silence once again.

he exhaled, the smoke curling past his lips. “didn’t see the point of it,” he chuckled. “you?”, he nudged your shoulder.

you shrugged, pulling his hoodie tighter around yourself. “woke up and you weren't there. thought you’d been abducted by aliens or something.”

that earned a quiet laugh from him, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. he tilted his head back, staring at the night sky—or what could've been beyond the city lights. “nah, if the aliens wanted me, they’d have come for me a loooong time ago.”

he wasn't a man who wasted his words.

“brian,” you started gently, the breeze carrying your hair softly, “what's going on?”

he didn't answer right away. instead, he just stared out at the city, the glow of the streetlights casting colourful shadows across his face. he finally spoke, voice low, almost like a whisper. 

“you're leaving tomorrow.”

you swallowed, the weight of his words setting over you. “you know i have to, bri,” you said softly.

his rough hands gripped the railing, knuckles clenching. “do you remember what you told me when i left for college? seems like it was ages ago.”

the question caught you off guard, but it didn't take long to search through your brain to find the answer. you remembered every word, every tear-stain on your pillow, every goodbye. 

“i told you that i couldn't stand being away from you when you're gonna be in a whole other state while i'm here finishing highschool,” you said quietly.

brian nodded, “you said it wasn't fair to either of us. that we needed to live our own lives.” he paused, put the cigarette out, squishing it. “but i didn't know what you were really going through.”

you flinched at the memory of those days, flooding back like a tidal wave. the nights you cried yourself to sleep. the mornings you woke up feeling like a shell of yourself; pearl taken away from you by some other man. the way you couldn't bring yourself to tell him about the assault—how could you? how would that conversation even go? he was already carrying the weight of his own future and you’d been drowning in yours. 

“i didn't want to hold you back,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper.

he turned to look at you then, his eyes searching for something. “you didn't hold me back,” he said, his voice cracking a little. “i didn't understand why you left back then. i just…i thought i wasn't enough for you to fight for.”

the words hit you like a good punch in the gut, and for a moment, you couldn't breathe. “brian, it was never like that. it wasn't that,” you said, voice trembling. “i was—” you stopped, choking over your own words. “i didn't leave because i didn't love you. i left because i didn't know how to handle what happened to me. i couldn't handle us while trying to put myself back together.”

the weight of your confession hung in the air, words you didn't even really realize within yourself just popped out. for a moment, he didn't say anything. he just stared at you, face softening as the anxiety drained away from his features. 

like he had tears in his eyes. 

“i know that now,” he said finally, voice getting quieter. “i know why you did what you did but that doesn't mean that it didn't hurt like hell.”

“i didn't want to hurt you,” you whispered. “i thought i was doing the right thing. you had a whole future in front of you, and i didnt want to drag you down with my… mess.”

he reached out, hand brushing yours. “you weren't ever a mess to me. you're never going to lose me.”

“but what if i do?” you whispered, question trembling in the space between the two of you.

“when you left last time,” his voice low and unsteady, “it felt like…like someone had ripped out the ground beneath me. and i told myself that i’d never let anyone have that kind of power over me. that i’d never fall in love again.”

you bit your lip, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. 

“but then you came back into my life,” he continued, voice softening. “and all that—everything i’d tried so fucking hard to bury—it came rushing back like it had never left me, even for a second. and i let it back in. for you. us.”

you reached for his hand, threading your fingers through his. his rip was firm, grounding, like he was holding on for the both of you.

“It's ironic, isn't it?” he said, the corner of his mouth turning into a smirk. “you're the one that's going to college and leaving this time.”

“i don't want to go.” you chuckle as tears spilled over now, hot and out of your control. you hugged him tightly, putting your face into the crook of his neck. 

“then stay,” he said, cradling your face in between his hands, kissing your cheeks sweet and slowly. 

“i can't,” you said, wiping your tears. “you know i can't. but that doesnt mean im letting you go. not this time.”

he lets out a shaky breath and you feel it on your skin. “feels like you're slippin’ through my fingers all over again, doll.”

you turned to him, hand reaching to touch his face, your thumb brushing against the scruff of his jaw. “i'm not,” you said, words steady even though your heart ached. “i'm not going to let us fall apart. you have to believe me, bri.”

he leaned into your touch, pressing a kiss to your hand. “you swear?” he asked, barely above a whisper. “i swear,” you said, “i love you too much to lose you again.”

he pulled you tightly into his arms, holding you like he was afraid you’d disappear if he let go. “i love you so much…too much baby,” he murmured into your hair. 

“let's get back to bed, hmm?” you say as you pull back, leading him back in. 

“you sure we’ll actually sleep?”

– ♡

would u guys want me to make a pt 2 of this or a series of this fic with them of them going to the airport perhaps and dropping reader off.... maybe... college!gf and firefighter!brian .... im dropping my fantasies onto you guys SOUNDS FUN!!!

[jinxziie]

my world is finally comin together !! loooong post incoming!! some info: I use Belladonna Cove (in case u want it idk :P) because I loved Sims 2 Apartment Life sm omg! it was literally my childhood, and that world was my fave. It had the BEST vibes, and I knew I needed a flat world with lots of streets and a good layout. She was the one! I did try to use tons of other worlds. The first one I obviously tried to redo was Bridgeport, but it would always crash on me. My PC also crashes when I try to use Boroughsburg ;-;. So, I had to just do it myself. BUT I do use tons of Boroughsburg items. Without that stuff, I couldn’t even be doing this, so thanks to all the CC creators who made those items and everything. It really is a game changer! I guess my world is just v loosely based off of downtown Brooklyn & places like Bayridge. Prospect Park n Bushwick idrk LOL i said LOOSELY **keep note that i have lots of unfinished builds and tons of terrain paint i need to update! i suck at completely finishing one build i kinda go back n forth between them.

map view & the layout i chose to go with

idk if that's confusing LOL my bad gonna go from left to right:

this is around the corner on the top left

my brownstone street (all the old terrain paint i need to change lol its everywhere lol i changed my mind on it midway smh)

this street is where i have these builds:

Middle part w all the rabbitholes! (corner stores,gym,cafes,diners,pet store,hospital,business centers)

^^ empty lot across the street from the movie theater, prob gonna put more apartments w stores underneath

across the other street from the movie theater lot on the left (this is confusing) where the park is --closeup of the park bcus i love it and it reminds me of all of the parks i been to as a kid ;-;

Across the street from the park

further down

that area is a mess rn but it has all of these builds

I think that's about everything! I might've missed a few thingss she looks absolutely beautiful i cannot believe 3 yrs ago she was completely empty clearly have a lot more to do but this is how she looks currentlyy thanks so much for bein interested in my project n downloading my builds it means so MUCH.

♡♡♡ HUGE ty to cc creators again, couldnt do any of this withoutt the amazin cc ♡♡♡