#that my existence isn't a burden
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Kinda, a thought that came into my mind lately that I feel like I needa tell it to the world because people need to hear it.
As unhealthy, and annoying, and worrying, and concerning your friend's coping mechanism can be.
IT'S NOT GOING AWAY UNLESS THE SITUATION AROUND THEM NO LONGER DEMANDS FOR IT.
Thank you for coming to my ted talk.
#grey-texts#just kinda. felt the need to say this#after being on both sides#i feel so lucky that i have friends and partners now so my bpd symptoms aren't as bad#but god#i feel like before that I've been told FAR TOO MANY TIMES to people who#SIT THERE AND DO NOTHING#that i don't have to leave#that they care#you see the problem here?#I'm not proven wrong on WHY I don't need to leave#that my existence isn't a burden#that they can handle me#so i continue leaving anyways#and I'm not saying you HAVE to be that person who proves them wrong#plenty of my friends aren't#but you have NO RIGHT to be upset that they've gone back there when you've haven't even put in the effort to show that thinking is bad#anyways ramble over#thanks for reading the tags if you did
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#the Nowhere Man who waits and the God of Stories who watches
#mobius#loki#lokius#mcuedit#lokiedit#marveledit#loki spoilers#owen wilson#tom hiddleston#owenwilsonedit#marvel#dianagifs#😩😭#what... in the most tragic of romances did i just witness#gotta rewatch tomorrow but cannot BELIEVE how okay i am with everything atm???#their story clearly isn't done their burden is obviously going on without each other and they exist fundamentally connected#they've lost everything but being able to see mobius every step of the way is enough for loki to make the sacrifice#and mobius left for his timeline with no other purpose than to make sure loki could do just that#now they're lost without each other?? the only thing mobius can do is exist for a moment in loki's creation i'm UNWELL#god this is the star crossed angst that's gonna keep me going for the rest of my LIFE they're my everything#loki s2 spoilers
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Where should you be kissed?
Knuckles. it feels as though you have fought every day of your life. sometimes, you cannot even tell how much of the blood on your hands is your own... and how much comes from those who've tried to hurt those you defend. you deserve the gentleness of a kiss to your bruised knuckles and broken skin, a reminder that you are not only made of violence.
[stolen from templeofvengeance; tagging you]
#ooc#dash game#[putting my haterism aside for one (1) minute to say this: I understand where Miguel's actions and vitriol come from. He's right in mental#rock bottom‚ to him‚ Miles is anomaly 001‚ a stressor that refuses to follow his assigned worldview-- if not all of 1610 somehow still#existing after Miles *supposedly* fucked it up‚ at his wit's end running the Society‚ endlessly reliving his grief/never letting it heal‚#and once he actually MEETS him‚ he probably reminds him too much of himself: stubborn‚ over his head but refusing to back down‚#an endless desire to DO GOOD but not knowing how or what to do. And that scares him. Because if he‚ the anomaly‚ the first cosmic flaw‚#WINS‚ is right‚ it'll upend his entire worldview. Everything he's fought for‚ ruthlessly enforced‚ staked the Society as a whole in.#This isn't me being an apologist btw; I'd love nothing more than to throttle his ass. But... but but but.#Somewhere in that endless lattice of biting‚ ready temper and dourness and utter dogmatism to the point he refuses to CONSIDER other views#is an extremely grief-stricken‚ lonely‚ stressed to hell and back man with enough emotional baggage to fill a cargo hull. Who THINKS he's#doing good‚ WANTS to do good on a large scale‚ no matter the cost‚ the burden‚ the filth he has to endlessly wash his hands of.#And that's what makes him the topic of some weird fucked up obsession of mine in spite of my simultaneous HATRED of him]#[hey here's a drink if u read this far🍻]
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lesbian masterdoc and the unforgivable damage of making people hear compulsory heterosexuality and think of "can lesbians have crushes on men?" (no) instead of "are heterosexual women settling in unhappy marriages with men bellow their worth because of economic and social pressure?" (yes)
#not claiming the theory was without flaws but it sure didn't describe some virus mental affliction that exclusively plagues lesbians#for starters the theory was primarily about marriage. so it did recognise the historical fact of lesbians forced into marriage to avoid#honor killings and the still present possibility and threats especially when it comes to cults and strong religions#(once again mentioning as a Jeová's witness in a brazilian periphery my girlfriend accepted the tool of losing her entire family and social#circles to reject an arranged marriage at the age of 17. and she's bisexual. but THAT is what compulsory heterosexuality alludes to)#but more often than not when it addressed lesbians it was as the inherent threat they pose to heteropatriarchy#that they mere existence proved women were not all born to serve men. and that their lives often proved women are much happier and#accomplished when away from the burden of men.#and this acknowledging just how much loneliness was a reality through lesbian's experiences#at the same time I can understand the frustration of that feminist theory being reduced to 'comphet is when lesbians in high school were#pressured into picking one of the Backstreet Boys to lie about finding attractive'. and even more so when that non universal and much less#serious example somehow morphed into 'comphet is when bisexual women either lying or confused about being lesbians have sex with men and#find it unfulfilling' because accepting that narrative erases and harms lesbians#so I understand the 'comphet isn't real' posts especially because written like that it tends to refer to lesbian masterdoc and following#fiasco. but at the same time that wasn't the original intent of compulsory heterosexuality the actual feminist term#this is just me complaining about how social media butchers theory tho unless they are specifically naming Rich and the many other feminist#who wrote about heterosexual marriage as an institution I won't bother lesbians for venting frustration about neoliberal erasure of lesbian#the original theory sure didn't claim lesbians were immune to all this misogynistic violence but the term was never exclusively about them#and tended to ask more of 'where do we stand as women and feminists as a group much more interested in destroying heterosexual marriage than#simply making it more bearable?'#this got a little messy and senseless I'm tired#.txt
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The Sasuke criticism is so funny.
People see a character that's spiraling down after being abused and manipulated since he was little, the lone survivor of a genocide, a kid who was not only physiologically tortured by some of the most powerful genjutsu users our there, but physically tortured too— and he's even told that his fight is not only his, but the results of a cycle of violence that comes from the very foundation of his world.
And that same people are going to be like "how dare Sasuke be anything but good, perfect and willing to sacrifice himself for everyone else".
It's insane.
#Naruto understands him the most and he's the closest thing to full recognition Sasuke could hope for#but even then no one will ever understand the ful force of Sasuke's trauma and burdens#that's truth for him to exist as an individual— he'll never be completely known#Also??? Naruto is a world ruled by violence and Sasuke was raised by Konoha to be violent so don't come at me with the whole he's a murderer#newsflash THEY'RE SHINOBIS#Fans getting mad because any other character isn't Naruto like he isn't the anomaly in this situation#he's special and I love Naruto but stop comparing Sasuke to him lol#Naruto had it bad but the closest he was to living through a Uchiha clan massacre was during Pain's arc#and Naruto did snap and almost killed everyone#I'm a Sasuke supporter every day my child did a lot of wrong things but he deserved to go deranged#naruto#Sasuke Uchiha#naruto shippuden#naruto classic
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wondering if being constantly misunderstood/misinterpreted for most of my life is the driving factor behind me trying so hard to make people understand that the stuff I feel bad about/responsible for ACTUALLY WAS THAT BAD/WAS MY DAMN FAULT even if everyone says it wasn't...
#all of that probably isn't good for my mental health either#also feeds back into: if i'm so unsure about my own perception and personality and everyone else knows me better than i know me#is it even worth staying alive?????#does my life have meaning at all? or would it be better to free everyone from the burden of my flawed existence
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me when i'm tired and hurting and scared and angry and no one is coming to help me and i don't say that to be negative or guilt anyone who might see this vent i say it as a fact because no one is going to help i have to help myself and i don't want to i don't want to help myself i want to lean on someone for once without being taken advantage of and i want to talk about my anger and express it and get it out in a healthy manner and i want to talk about how scared i am how my health terrifies me and i don't really know what's going on and i know my body to the best extent i can i and i have worked endlessly trying to conserve energy so i can do basic tasks like dishes and bathing myself and i have been working so fucking hard to fight the internalized ableism in me that screams that everything shouldn't be this hard and i should just Be Able to do these things and i don't have anything to actually fight these thoughts! because i don't actually know what's wrong and i have tried for the past three years. three fucking years. to make this one appointment. just one. to talk to a different professional and tell them i need help i and living less than half my life and i can't take it most days i can't take this cycle of deteriorating physical health into deteriorating mental health and round and round. i'm exhausted. i can't do the things i enjoy. i work so hard to try to do them occasionally. and i work hard to try and appreciate and enjoy it. and it's just hard.
i just want to vent tonight. i'm stressed. we've been having small bug problems lately. and then there's the waterlogged part of the carpet where we don't know where the water is coming from. and tonight i saw what might have been a roach and. i grew up between my mom and aunts place, and my aunts was beyond covered with bugs. at night it was horrifying and finding a place to sleep sucked ass. so it just. fucking triggered me, and i'm so tired and hurting but i pulled out appliances and things and sprayed down bugs and spots i've seen them in and. so i sat down and i was already overwhelmed and i couldn't find the remote so i could put something on and relax. and i did find it. but i just had to sit and work on breathing and cry a bit. i'm home all the time and i constantly am thinking about this. i'm so stressed about it. OH and it was made sooooo much worse because for the first time i saw one in our room. and. that nearly sent me into a panic attack. we have been so strict with having no food or anything like that in the bedroom. and it didn't do anything. there was still a bug. where there's one, there's so many more. i am. going to try and fucking relax.
#lynx speaks#personal vent#we have apartment checks tomorrow and i don't want to interact with anyone but i wanna make sure someone sees these things#we've called about having someone take a look and they looked at the leaks#i think one of them was fixed#but now theres this and i'm. like comeon can we catch a fucking break.#it could be worse but also these are licherally fixable things#butyeah. i'm still up cause i can't sleep. i'm in pain. dizzy and nauseous. my head has hurt almost every day for maybe a month or so#i'm fucking scared all the time. honestly i try and ignore it cause i don't like bein scared and i don't think i'm on deaths door so#maybe even if i leave it be i'll be sorta okay#thats. a bad mindset but fuck dude. i know it is. and i've asked for help. and when i was a minor i sorta got help#why does it feel so damn difficult as an adult?#and it really sucks cause my irl support system is one person (who i don't want to burden with all of this bullshit like i'll vent some)#and my family (tentative help at best because they have been dismissive and think i'm a hypochondriac)#which. being a hypochondriac wouldn't be a bad thing i feel like thats a bit ableist#but whether i were or not these syptoms still exist. the pain isn't gone because they called me a hypochondriac. i'm still exhausted.#sorry for the wall of text
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#today was pretty funny because it was a guy day not a woman day but this one dude was still hella misogynistic to me and called me ma'am#like. usually I'd be thrilled but weirdly enough today isn't a miss and ma'am day so it felt weird#also. being able to switch gender presentation means I've gotten pretty good at figuring when something is misogyny and when it's just mean#anyway. how tf do people stay one gender I would get too bored I feel the need to switch up my appearance and dress all the time#I really wish I could have short hair on command though. long hair on guy days is a burden but I need it for my woman days#I just need to find a good way to put it up in a way that feels right on days like this. I left it in a ponytail and that was a mistake#yesterday was so gender though. I looked so fucking good.#a customer told me I looked like her sister who apparently was a model so uh. ego boost#I almost walked into the womens' bathroom without thinking and honestly I prolly could have pulled it off if coworkers didn't exist#anyway. big genderqueer rep. I deserve a salary
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really disheartening to see how much eco-fascist and eugenicist bullshit has embedded itself into writings about human relationship with nature. I was looking at a copy of a book in the library a while back called Humans Vs. Nature and found this (Discussing early human migrations in the Paleolithic)
To my great dismay, I did not record the source for this claim, But I found these pictures again, and of course I think...How do we know that?
How could we know that Paleolithic hunter-gatherers deliberately controlled their populations by periods of abstaining from sex? That would be incredibly hard to support using archaeological evidence. It seems easier to support infanticide using the archaeological record, so I was not initially troubled by that.
The author is also stating that Paleolithic humans killed their disabled. I have been searching high and low for evidence to support this claim and the closest I've come to any evidence regarding disability in the Paleolithic is this book chapter discussing whether or not it makes sense to assume compassion existed in pre-history. This book chapter gives the impression that the research has been...really dismal.
The two sides of the debate are essentially, "humans probably cared for their disabled in prehistory, because pathologies and injuries are common and they would have needed some kind of care" and "well maybe those people could survive just fine on their own and that's why they lived. We can't prove they were actually disabled."
Not an anthropologist, but I think it's pretty stupid to position a compassionless society as the "null hypothesis," especially based upon chimpanzees. Why would Paleolithic humans be more behaviorally similar to a relative separated by 5 to 13 million years of evolutionary divergence, than to their own descendants a mere few thousand years later????????
But the claim in Humans Vs. Nature isn't just that disabled people weren't cared for, it's that they were deliberately "eliminated," which is a statement with a much higher burden of proof. You would have to find the remains of disabled humans from that time period with clear evidence that they were killed because they were disabled, and you would have to observe this consistently in many sites, to come to the conclusion that it was a cultural norm.
We have many examples of elaborate, seemingly honorable burials for people that were apparently disabled and would have lived a long time with their disabilities. Nothing I've read has mentioned an archaeological record of killing people for being disabled, which would be a glaring oversight, unless it didn't exist, which I'm pretty sure it doesn't.
How did we get to the point where this kind of fucking bullshit sounds so plausible and correct that it makes it into a best selling book without anyone looking it up to see if it's true.
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everyday i see clueless westerners (especially white people) peddle thinly veiled hindutva propaganda which they wouldn't know cause they know absolutely nothing about what goes on in india. so here are some signs that that the person you're talking to is a hindu nationalist:
they either do not acknowledge casteism or claim that caste is a western construct. my personal favourite however is dismissing anyone bringing up caste discrimination by saying that the indian constitution outlaws untouchability. they may also bring up the fact that the prime minister belongs to an other backwards class (obc) so clearly india has moved on from caste and hindutva isn't only for the upper castes. they possess a shallow understanding of caste
harping on about "islamic colonisation" : no, the mughals did not colonise india. when you point this out, they will immediately assume that you think muslim invaders were innocent beings who did nothing wrong, which is very much not what anyone is claiming here
while we're on the topic of "islamic colonisation" they will also refer to the demolishing of muslim sites of heritage and worship and then building hindu temples over them as "decolonisation" (cough cough ram mandir) the hindu right also goes around pretending that they're the indigenous people of india
along a similar vein, they will dismiss islamophobia by bringing up instances of hindu oppression in countries like pakistan and bangladesh. it is true that hindus are persecuted in these two countries, however they are used to fuel their oppression complex, that their upper caste hindu self is under attack in india of all places (think a white christian in the united states). you should be in solidarity with minorities everywhere. it is neither transactional or conditional (note: they will never bring up sri lanka. persecution of hindus exists only when the oppressors are muslim)
claiming that hindu nationalism and hindutva are not the same because hindutva means "hindu-ness". that is only the literal translation of the term. like it or not, they're the same thing
they support the indian military occupation of kashmir. they will call it an integral part of kashmir, one reason which will be "hinduism is indigenous to kashmir." they will also bring up the last maharaja of kashmir signing the instrument of accession as further proof, as if the consent of the people was taken
they're zionists. do i even need to explain this. hindutva is just zionism for hindus
they refer to buddhism and jainism (sikhism too sometimes) as branches of hinduism rather than separate, distinct religions
they condemn any resistance to the indian govt as a burden or terrorism (like calling the farmers who are currently protesting a hindrance or terrorists. funny how sikhs are the same as hindus when they support hindu causes but terrorists when they resist oppression...)
they call you a pseudo liberal or a fake leftist. i'm telling you, they don't know jackshit. they can't even tell the difference between a liberal and a leftist and call US unread lmao. bonus points if they call you a liberandu or a sickular 💀
they call india "bharat" when they talk in english. there are in fact multiple indian languages that call india bharat or bharatam, but if they say bharat while talking in english, that is absolutely a hindu nationalist no questions asked
please do your due diligence. read up on hindutva. hindu nationalists have already started making gains in the united states, thanks to rich upper caste nris. do not fall for propaganda
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Tag drop (1/2): General.
#[ ooc. ] don't try to make it logical or edit your soul according to the fashion. rather; follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.#[ ic. ] a word to the wise: do not try to lie to her. for falsehoods may last as long as fragile bubbles before meticulous thoughts.#[ answered: ooc. ] finding her is no easy task either. for it is always she who finds you when she wishes to; not the other way around.#[ answered: ic. ] oh? you'd like to know more about me? what will you give in exchange then?#[ psa. ] seeing isn't always believing. and if you can't trust your eyes; you certainly can't trust rumors.#[ saved. ] how can things ever be the same again: knowing your life was saved when others weren't? salvation can also be a burden.#[ prompts / memes. ] i so happen to be interested in some information you have. in other words; you scratch my back; i'll scratch yours.#[ crack. ] you nearly gave paimon a heart attack! / you look pretty alive to me. can't have spooked you that bad.#[ salt. ] that's the worst-case scenario. but all too often; the most pessimistic speculation turns out to be the closest to the truth.#[ post-it. ] she dances with danger; secrets and a strong sense of achievement. these are the vivid proof of her existence.#[ et cetera. ] every round of finger-guessing is a tiny adventure; and every roll of dice sends sporadic thrills down her spine.#[ self promotion. ] i'm heartbroken. i thought it might take you a little longer than this to forget all about me?#[ promotion. ] it does intrigue me: the way we all ended up here together. if this is fate; let's grab it in our hands and turn it around.
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Vent
I hate my NP.
If I had the spoons, I'd find someone else.
I saw her for the first time since July after she magically couldn't get me in for a month despite me needing my meds changed immediately and then rescheduled me *again*. It turns out the email with the telehealth link isn't automated and she sent it to me not a few days before like she usually does, but TWO MINUTES AFTER THE APPOINTMENT WAS SUPPOSED TO START.
She had a med student shadowing her, too. Good fucking luck to her, I don't know how the fuck she's even practicing at this point. I should've said I didn't want her to sit in, but I've always been a fucking doormat and that's all I ever will be.
She had no real sympathy when I told her about my broken foot. I feel bad because I, an autistic person, of *all* people should understand not adhering to social cues, but Jesus Christ— a little sympathy from anyone in my life would be fucking amazing!!! Like, a little more than "sorry to hear that" from her would've been really nice.
She even forgot it multiple times. She also forgot another thing I've been asking of her for MONTHS that I had to once again remind her about.
"So is there a pharmacy near campus you want me to send your refills to?"
"Umm... like I said earlier, I'm not at school. I'm at home and will be indefinitely. I can't really walk on my own right now, let alone live alone in my dorm. Just send it to my usual one."
"oh."
Anyway, I'm starting new meds. Again. I'm trying an NSRI for the first time because she thinks the serotonin part of SSRIs is what gives me nausea issues with new pills (I've been going to her for over half a decade. Did it seriously take that long to think "hmm, maybe SSRIs aren't the answer?"?!?!?)
She made a cheeky comment about "Hopefully next time will be our last meeting for a while because these pills will work and I won't need to come back so often :)".
Ma'am. I think about not being alive multiple times a day every goddamn day. We've discussed this thoroughly, in fact.
To reiterate: as an autistic person who misses social cues like it's my job, I shouldn't be the one to pass judgment. But *god fucking dammit*, you're the PROFESSIONAL here!!! Do your fucking job!!!!! Give a single solitary shit about my life and my existence!!!!!!!! fuck!!!!!!!!!!
Hell, I could probably do her job better because at least I can fucking mask!
I didn't even bother asking her about a PPD (Paranoid Personality Disorder) evaluation.
I'm so fucking tired. My mental health has taken an absolute nosedive since I broke my foot and I'm stuck either in bed or on the couch all day every day, and I didn't think it could even *get* any worse than what it was pre-break.
Not even my own fucking doctor cares enough to give a shit about me. My family doesn't really, either.
I'm so tired. I don't want to keep doing this anymore. Fuck.
How the fuck is she a functioning human being? How can she be considered an employable adult when I'M NOT?!? How the fuck has she kept this job?!?!? Why the fuck do abled (to my knowledge) people get to be so fucking incompetent, but if I managed to secure a job and asked for accommodations, I'M THE ONE OUT OF THE TWO OF US GETTING FIRED????
#if you're a user of a very specific venting Facebook group and this post seems familiar— no it isn't <3#also PPD as in Paranoid Personality Disorder#not Post Partum Depression#I have no children and I never will have any.#If I ever become pregnant it is the moral obligation of everyone reading this to find my location & put a bullet through my skull ASAP#I will never force this burden of existence onto another being and also gene-wise I very much Should Never Breed For The Fucking Love Of Go
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This is Love, Right?
Part two of Can My Friend Join?
Next part: It's all your fault, isn't it?
Yan!SatoSugu x Reader
Sum: You're starting to grow used to Suguru, maybe evening learning to accept his love.
TW: Yandere Behaviors (Cameras, Obsession, Manipulation, trapping), Really toxic relationship, dubcon, oral (F and M receiving), Brief smut, Reader is going through it. SatoSugu (Just a warning in itself), Angst
WC: 4.7k
A/n: Listened to a random Mitski playlist and it lowkey made me depressed while writing this, expect some fluff after this one.
This is love.
You keep telling yourself that, don’t you?
Even as silent tears streak down your cheeks in the furthest bathroom—the one tucked away from the master bedroom, the one even Satoru’s Six Eyes can’t reach.
This is love.
The way Satoru leans down, his snowy white hair falling across his forehead in that effortlessly tousled way, pressing a fleeting kiss to your lips before heading out on a mission. His crystalline blue eyes, so striking they feel otherworldly, linger on you for a moment too long before he straightens up, a lopsided grin pulling at his lips. Suguru follows, his dark hair tied neatly back, though loose strands frame his sharp, beautiful face. He gives you a casual wave, the corners of his mouth lifting into a faint, teasing smile as he murmurs, “I love you.”
You’ve never seen Satoru happier than he’s been since Suguru joined your relationship. Happier than back when it was just the two of you, curled up on the couch, his long legs stretched across the cushions while you laughed at some cheesy anime. Back then, his laugh was unrestrained, carefree. The way his shoulders would shake, his hand coming up to push his blindfold up and wipe away a tear—it felt real.
You miss those days.
You didn’t cry as much back then.
But they love you, don’t they?
They still pay your tuition, still ensure your life is cushioned and cared for. Suguru, always measured and composed, suggested once, “Maybe you should switch to online classes.” His voice was soft, his tone coaxing. It made sense, didn’t it? His reasoning was sound: “There was a special grade curse at the school the other day. We just worry about you, baby.”
Suguru always seems so calm, his velvety voice soothing and warm yet guarded dark eyes giving him an air of quiet authority. You begin to find comfort in that. However, the weight of his presence feels heavy, suffocating even some days.
Satoru, on the other hand, radiates energy. His presence fills the room like sunlight—blinding, inescapable. His tall, lanky frame always seems so relaxed, but you know better. Behind the teasing lilt of his voice and his constant grin lies a man who rarely lets his guard down. The way he looms, leaning just a little too close, reminds you of the distance he refuses to let exist between the two of you.
They worry about you so much. Yet whenever you voice concern for them, they hush you. Suguru’s deep voice reassures you, as if he’s talking to a child, while Satoru’s lips curl into a too-bright smile, his hand patting your head like you’re something fragile.
They love you. They take care of you. It would be selfish to leave them, wouldn’t it?
And Satoru—he’s never been this happy.
He’s working less, smiling more. Suguru’s return has lifted a weight off his shoulders. He’s not carrying the burden of being the strongest alone anymore. You can see it in the way his smile softens when Suguru speaks, in the way his gaze lingers on him longer than it ever lingers on you.
And yet, you tell yourself:
This is love.
Still, you wonder… wasn’t Suguru supposed to be going to therapy? You think back to his promises—vague, half-hearted reassurances—but did he ever actually leave for a session? Ever join a voice call?
You don’t recall.
You try to push the thought away, like so many others. Ignore the red flags. Focus on the green.
The relationship has its moments. You’re growing used to Suguru.
Especially your drunk self—the one that gravitates toward him, curling up on his lap like a loyal dog, seeking out his touch and the warmth of his arms. He always accepts you, his large hands stroking your back or brushing through your hair with a tenderness that feels almost too loving, almost cruel. You wonder what side of yourself that is, the part that craves his affection so desperately, the part that lets the lines blur between love and dependency.
You might even say you’re learning to love him—or at least the version of him that exists in the quiet of the night. The version that pulls you close under the weight of darkness, his voice low and unguarded as he whispers, “I love you.”
It’s in those moments that he feels human, almost fragile. A man with calloused hands and a broken heart trying to mend himself through you.
And it’s hard not to wonder—are you really learning to love him, or are you simply surrendering to the inevitability of it all?
Satoru, though… he never used to cuddle at night. Even before Suguru entered the picture, he always sprawled out in his ridiculously expensive sheets, claiming restlessness from the constant hum of his cursed energy. He needed the space, he said, and you told yourself he deserved it.
Suguru, however—Suguru surprised you.
At first glance, he didn’t seem the type for soft affections, but you quickly learned otherwise. Every night, his arms would find their way around you, wrapping you in a firm but gentle embrace. His warmth seeped into you, grounding and comforting, as he nuzzled into the crook of your neck. His lips would brush your skin with soft kisses, a tenderness you hadn’t expected from him.
Sometimes, his deep voice would murmur, “Sorry we came home so late,” heavy with sincerity. Other times, his words were more vulnerable, whispered just above a breath: “I love you,” spoken in the dark when he thought you were asleep.
It’s hard not to love him in those moments. Hard not to feel your resolve slip as his presence surrounds you. His breath fans against your neck, steady and warm. His rhythmic breathing eventually syncs with yours, as if his body is learning the cadence of your every inhale and exhale.
For those fleeting moments, you almost forget the cracks beneath the surface.
Other good moments were the intimate ones, the kind that left no room for doubt about how thoroughly they possessed you.
Suguru’s lips would meet yours in slow, deliberate kisses, his touch soft and coaxing, as Satoru’s tongue worked between your legs. The wet, obscene sounds filled the room, clouding your vision and overwhelming your senses. Satoru’s tongue moved with precision, his mouth relentless as he lapped at your cunt, delving deep until your mind felt as hazy as your breathless moans.
Suguru’s fingers never faltered, rubbing tight circles around your clit in perfect rhythm with Satoru’s ministrations. Their combined efforts dragged you over the edge again and again, your body trembling and giving in to the relentless waves of pleasure.
It became impossible to think of anything else—impossible to care about anything other than the bliss they brought you. Their hardened cocks stretched you beyond your limits, filling you completely, their stamina nearly too much for your quivering form.
Suguru would cradle your face in his hands, his dark eyes soft yet intense as he cooed sweet nothings. He’d murmur praises, soothing and possessive, as Satoru pressed the tip of his cock into your overstimulated, leaking cunt. The stretch made you gasp—a sound Suguru captured with his lips, his kiss slow, methodical, leaving you no room to shy away.
Satoru’s hands gripped your hips harshly, his long fingers digging into your flesh, ensuring you stayed exactly where he wanted you. You could already tell the marks would bloom into bruises by morning, a physical reminder of their claim. Suguru, ever attentive, would turn your face gently toward the camera, his voice a low murmur against your lips. “You’re such a good girl,” he’d praise, his thumb brushing your cheek before pulling you into another kiss.
When they were finally spent, when your body gave out completely, Suguru always carried you to the bath. His embrace was steady, grounding, as the warm water soothed your trembling form. You’d lean against his chest, your body limp, lulled by the rhythmic rise and fall of his breathing.
Sometimes, Satoru would join, his tall frame slipping into the water beside you. Their voices would soften as they spoke over you, discussing mundane things or recounting their mission. Occasionally, a kiss would press against your temple—a fleeting gesture, tender and claiming all at once—as you drifted in and out of sleep.
For a little while, it felt like you belonged.
And then, when he thinks you’re asleep, Satoru murmurs, “I knew you’d come around.”
You’re never sure who he’s talking to—Suguru, the man who swore to eradicate non-sorcerers? Or you, the girl who’s finally learning to love the monster who holds her at night?
It’s in these moments that you find yourself slipping out of bed, mumbling an excuse to use the bathroom. Suguru always lets you go with a teasing “Come back fast, or I’ll come get you.” You never linger long enough to see if he’s joking.
Once inside the furthest bathroom, the one that feels like your only sanctuary, you clutch the edge of the sink and sob. Quietly, so no one hears. Until your knees give out and you’re on the floor, shaking and clutching yourself.
This is love. Right?
They loved you. So why were you crying in the bathroom?
Why did each love bite feel like a brand, etched into your skin with every lingering gaze in the mirror? Why did their cum, warm as it seeped down your thighs, burn like it was searing itself into you, a mark you couldn’t erase? Why did the blank, soulless stare of the camera lens feel like an accusation, making you flinch away from any piece of technology?
Before too long, you would wipe your tears, force a smile to your lips—steadying it just enough so it wouldn’t wobble—and return to Suguru’s waiting arms. His hum would vibrate against your back as his dark hair tickled your neck. He’d cradle you close, pressing a gentle kiss to your temple.
“Goodnight, baby,” he’d murmur, and you’d close your eyes, pretending his embrace felt like comfort instead of confinement.
But mornings brought their own discomforts.
You found yourself rifling through the master bathroom, searching the countertop with rising panic. Where is it? The nagging thought ate at you.
Satoru, brushing his teeth beside you, glanced over with those striking blue eyes. His tone was soft, almost too casual. “What’s up, baby?”
“I can’t find my birth control,” you admitted, the words trembling as much as your hands.
“Did you misplace it? You’ve been doing that a lot lately.” He walked over, his long arms wrapping around your waist. A kiss brushed the top of your head, his voice gentle but firm. “Go ask Sugu. He’s the one who organizes everything.”
So you did. Suguru was at the desk in the living room, working through a report. From over his shoulder, you could see the numbers—charge rates, payments for missions—enough to know your schooling costs barely amounted to a fraction of what they earned in a single week.
“Your birth control?” he repeated absentmindedly, his tone light, almost dismissive. “You’ve been misplacing that a lot, haven’t you, baby?”
His words felt condescending, like you were a child searching for a lost toy.
“Where is it?” you asked, voice still soft but with a growing edge of desperation. You were five minutes late—exactly.
“Ah-ah, no need for that tone, baby,” he chided, his eyes still glued to his paperwork. “Check the kitchen counter. Your purse? Maybe your school bag.”
It took thirty agonizing minutes of searching, panic simmering under your skin, before you found it—perched on top of the fridge.
You stared at it for a moment, unmoving. You would have never put it there.
Suguru’s behavior had become harder to ignore. There were moments when his touch lingered, his eyes softened, and his voice carried a wistful tone. He had baby fever—you could tell. Maybe it was tied to the twins he lost.
You’d asked him about them once. His face shuttered, dark and unreadable, and he didn’t respond.
You tried asking Satoru, but he had simply glanced away, his usual bravado vanishing for a moment too long.
You decided not to ask again.
Some questions weren’t meant to be answered. You had a sinking feeling the truth lay buried somewhere with the higher-ups, in a place you weren’t allowed to tread.
Suguru’s baby fever didn’t fade, no matter how much you tried to ignore it.
When the three of you went to the store, you’d catch that soft smile tugging at his lips whenever he saw a child. It wasn’t the type of smile he gave just anyone—it was warm, tender, hopeful. And it was always followed by a kiss pressed to your temple. A gesture you used to pull away from, but now, you found yourself smiling through.
Sometimes, he’d suggest wandering into the baby section, his tone casual, almost playful. “Just in case. Want to see what’s out there.”
The words always made your skin crawl.
Because no matter how innocuous they sounded, your mind couldn’t help but spiral. It always went back to the hidden birth control, the misplaced pills, and the monthly pregnancy tests he insisted on. He’d stand there, watching you pee on the stick, his arms crossed but his expression almost serene—waiting, anticipating. He wanted to know right away.
You tried to shove those thoughts into the furthest corner of your mind. Tried to convince yourself it was all harmless.
Satoru, by contrast, didn’t seem to care much for babies. He never lingered in the baby aisle and rarely commented on Suguru’s behavior. But he’d hum softly, his hand clasping yours, and flash you a loving smile.
You liked to think that as long as everyone else was happy, Satoru was happy.
And maybe, just maybe, that was enough.
Occasionally, when they left for long missions, the apartment felt suffocating in its emptiness. You’d pad softly through the vast, cold space, the silence amplifying every creak of the floorboards beneath your feet.
Your eyes darted around, searching for the hidden cameras you knew were there. You weren’t sure where they all were, or when they liked to check the footage, but you’d found one blind spot: the hallway closet.
You moved slowly, deliberately, ensuring you didn’t do anything that might raise suspicion. Even though you were alone, you couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched.
All because they loved you.
Slipping into the closet, you nestled yourself on the floor, silky yukatas hanging above like a shroud. Your laptop glowed faintly in the darkness as you opened it and began your quiet rebellion.
You searched for apartments—something small, something within your budget. Each listing felt like a whisper of hope. You lingered on them, imagining the freedom they promised, before methodically deleting your browser history. Clearing the cache. Erasing every trace.
It was a silly idea. A foolish one, really.
But for a few stolen moments, it was yours.
It didn’t seem so silly after the heated argument with Satoru when he got home.
He was already overstimulated, frustrated, and teetering on the edge of losing his patience. Those moments were the worst—when the teasing lilt in his voice faded, replaced by something sharp and mean. His cerulean eyes, usually playful and glinting with mischief, turned cold and calculating, the glow of his Six Eyes adding an eerie sharpness to his gaze.
All he wanted was release. That was all.
“It shouldn’t be a big deal,” he said, his tone flat but brimming with expectation.
Except you weren’t in the mood.
“I’m sorry, Toru, I just—”
“I do everything for you, and you can’t even provide me with a little comfort?” His words came out harsh, the grin curling his lips into something too sharp to be soft. He stepped closer, his towering frame casting a long shadow over you. His presence always felt overwhelming—broad shoulders, perfectly sculpted face framed by stark white hair, and a lean body that seemed to hum with restrained power. You swallowed hard. Did he get taller?
“I just got off my period, so it’s—”
“It’s what?” His voice cut through your hesitation, his hands flexing as if he were trying to leash himself. “Come on, baby. Just a quickie. Or let me use your mouth.”
The fight drained out of you before you even realized it.
You ended up on your knees, the cold tile biting into your skin, a sharp contrast to the heat radiating from your flushed face. His long fingers twisted tightly into your hair, guiding your head as if you were nothing more than a puppet for his pleasure. His pale chest rose and fell steadily, the faint sheen of sweat on his skin catching the light, glinting like cruel punctuation to his earlier frustration.
The tip of his cock pushed past your lips, the stretch almost unbearable as he moved with slow, deliberate thrusts. His head tilted back, exposing the sharp lines of his jaw, tightening with every wet sound that filled the room. A low groan rumbled deep in his throat, vibrating in the space between you like a growl of satisfaction.
Your throat burned, gagging and gasping as you struggled to adjust. Your hands clutched at his thighs for balance, fingers digging into the hard, taut muscles beneath his impossibly smooth skin. His hips began to move with more force, his breaths growing heavier, the faintest smirk curling on his lips as he reveled in your struggle.
His moans grew louder, rougher, until with a sharp tug of your hair, he pulled out. Hot ropes of cum painted your face, the heat of it stark against your flushed skin. You blinked through the haze, barely catching your breath, the sting of humiliation bubbling up in your chest.
Before you could even reach for something to wipe yourself clean, the sharp click of a camera shutter echoed through the room.
You didn’t need to look up to know what he was doing. You could already imagine him grinning at the screen, tapping a few buttons with casual ease. You could picture the caption as clearly as if he’d whispered it into your ear:
"Our girl is so beautiful, isn’t she? <3"
The thought sat heavy in your chest, a mix of shame, anger, and something else you didn’t want to name.
And then, as if nothing had happened, Satoru turned sweet again.
He brought you a towel, his large hands surprisingly gentle as he wiped your face. “Come on,” he coaxed, his voice softening. He guided you to the bathroom, his fingers lacing with yours, and drew you into the shower.
Under the warm water, he washed your hair, his hands threading through your strands with care. His crystalline eyes softened as he began to tell you about his mission, his lips quirking into a small smile. From the counter, he produced a small box of mochi, your favorite snack.
“You’re everything to me, baby,” he murmured, his lips brushing your temple. His arms wrapped around you, his broad chest pressing against your back. “I’m going to marry you one day. You know that, right?”
And just like that, the storm passed, leaving behind only his affection..
Your heart sank at the mention of marriage. With them, you knew they’d find a way to make it happen—the three of you, bound together, no matter how impossible it seemed.
After the shower, you slipped into bed, craving the comforting warmth of the sheets. It was a small solace, a fleeting moment where you could envelop yourself in something soft and familiar.
Satoru liked to cuddle during naps, and true to form, his lanky arms found their way around you. He pulled you close, his chest pressing against your back as he nuzzled into you. His kisses came next, peppered across your lips with deliberate exaggeration, loud and obnoxious.
You used to giggle when he did that. You used to squirm and laugh, batting him away as he grinned and pulled you closer.
But now, you stayed still, letting him press his kisses and settle into a nap with you.
You couldn’t remember the last time you’d giggled like that. Or the last time you’d laughed at all.
On their next mission, you had exactly six hours.
Exactly six hours for a stupid idea. A fleeting thought.
You’d planned this carefully, down to the second. When they asked where you’d be, you made some excuse about a doctor’s appointment. It was believable enough—Suguru always asked to see the summary of your visits when you got back, a habit you knew was less about care and more about control.
But this time, you lied.
There was no appointment.
Instead, you booked a one-way trip. Far, far away from Tokyo. Far enough that they wouldn’t be able to find you, at least not right away.
The States. It was the only place you could afford with the small stash of cash you’d scraped together over the years—birthday cards, Christmas cards, anything you’d managed to squirrel away without raising suspicion. You even bought a prepaid flight gift card, ensuring it couldn’t be traced back to you.
No suitcases, no sentimental keepsakes, nothing but the clothes on your back.
Before you left, you scrawled a simple note, placing it where you knew they’d find it. Just three words:
"I love you."
Ironic, isn’t it?
As you sat at your terminal, the minutes ticked by with agonizing slowness. You told yourself a 14-hour flight wouldn’t be so bad. It was freedom, wasn’t it? The first real breath you’d taken in months.
But then, a familiar figure caught your eye.
Megumi.
He wasn’t alone—the other first-years trailed beside him—but it was Megumi’s gaze that stopped your heart. His dark eyes widened when they locked onto yours, a flash of recognition that made your stomach churn.
Your anxiety hit you like a freight train, crawling under your skin, seeping into your every bone as they walked past. Megumi glanced back at you one more time, his lips parting just enough to mouth the words: “I’m sorry.”
And then you saw it—his hand reaching for his phone, his fingers already dialing.
You didn’t have to guess who he was calling.
Your heart sank, but you told yourself it wasn’t his fault. You knew Megumi had his reasons—his own happiness to protect, his own precarious balance to maintain. He was trying to survive too, wasn’t he?
You understood. You really did.
But understanding didn’t make the fear any less suffocating.
You cried the entire car ride home, your sobs tearing from your throat, raw and uncontrollable.
Satoru didn’t even glance your way. His icy, dull gaze stayed fixed on the window, his jaw clenched so tightly you thought it might snap. The silence between you was deafening, broken only by your muffled cries and the hum of the car engine.
In the passenger seat, Suguru sat quietly, his expression unreadable. His hands rested on his knees, fingers drumming absently, as if the tension in the car didn’t weigh as heavily on him.
Poor Ijichi-san gripped the steering wheel, his knuckles white, clearly caught in a situation he didn’t want to be in. He glanced at you through the rearview mirror—sympathy flashing briefly in his eyes—before he quickly looked away, the moment shattered by Satoru’s cold, piercing glare.
The car felt suffocating, like the air had been sucked out, leaving only the weight of your despair and the oppressive silence of the two men who claimed to love you.
Your brows furrowed in confusion as you watched the familiar sight of your apartment complex slip past the window. Panic prickled at the edge of your already frayed nerves, your grip tightening on the fabric of your clothes. A small sniffle left your nose, your voice coming out hoarse and broken.
“Where are we going, Toru?”
You turned your gaze to Satoru, hoping for an answer, for anything—but he didn’t look at you. He didn’t respond. His profile was cold, distant, his lips pressed into a thin line.
Your stomach twisted, guilt clawing at your insides. You must have hurt him. He always clung to your love like it was his lifeline. You must have broken that lifeline, snapped it in two with your attempt to run.
You shifted your gaze to Suguru, hoping for some clarity, but his face gave nothing away. His dark eyes flickered toward you for the briefest of moments before returning to the road ahead, his expression as still and unreadable as ever.
The car veered away from familiar streets, the urban sprawl giving way to the shadowy embrace of the woods.
Your chest tightened.
Every nerve in your body screamed as the car crept deeper into the forest, the tall trees looming like silent sentinels. Your mind raced with grim possibilities. Were they planning to leave you here? Like an unwanted dog, cast into the cold for daring to run away?
But then, just as the panic began to claw at you, your gaze caught the sight of something familiar—something that made your heart sink even further.
The tall, imposing torii gates emerged through the mist, their vibrant red striking against the muted greens and grays of the forest.
Oh.
The Gojo Estate.
“I don’t think I can trust you enough not to leave again,” Satoru said quietly, his voice uncharacteristically calm, almost detached.
He wasn’t usually the one to chide you—that was Suguru’s role. Suguru, who would dole out punishments with a sharp tongue or a chilling, parental tone, as though you were a misbehaving child. But now, Satoru’s words held a gravity that made your chest tighten.
“So,” he continued, his crystalline eyes fixed ahead, “I figured here, you could have a few more eyes on you. Maybe even enjoy it more. Who knows? You might even come around to the idea of being Mrs. Gojo or Mrs. Geto. Your pick.”
He smiled faintly, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
“We already filled out the documentation. You’re married.”
The words hit you like a physical blow, the weight of them crashing into your chest. Your mind spun, unable to comprehend the sheer audacity of it, the sheer finality.
You felt chained.
Like a dog, tethered to their will, stripped of freedom, and locked away under the pretense of love.
They didn’t say anything as they walked you through the grand, silent halls of the Gojo Estate, and for that, you were almost thankful. The air was heavy with whispers and disdainful glances from the servants. A non-sorcerer? Their murmurs carried through the air, sharp and cutting, as though your very presence was an affront to their world.
When you reached the bedroom, Satoru’s hand guided you forward with surprising gentleness, his fingers brushing yours as though nothing had changed. He led you to the edge of the plush, sprawling bed, and you forced a small, trembling smile to your lips—a weak attempt at peace, at hope.
His bright eyes softened, and for a moment, you thought maybe, just maybe, you could reason with him.
But then his hands caught your wrists.
A light kiss brushed your lips, so soft you barely registered it over the sound of your own heartbeat pounding in your ears. The faint click of the cuffs was almost lost in the quiet, but the cold metal digging into your skin was impossible to ignore.
He stepped back, his expression unreadable.
It was Suguru’s voice that filled the air next, low and calm, like a lullaby that promised nightmares.
“You’re going to provide us an heir,” he said, his smile almost serene, even as your eyes widened in horror. “It was Satoru’s idea, actually.”
His smile deepened, almost teasing, as though he enjoyed the shock and betrayal etched across your face. “And you’re not leaving this room until you’re safe and pregnant.”
The words hung in the air, suffocating you.
Suguru’s tone carried a quiet, unmistakable happiness, as though this was something he’d always wanted. Maybe it was—he’d always longed for a child, hadn’t he? You turned your gaze to Satoru, searching for something, anything.
But all you found was the lovesick smile he gave Suguru.
Not you.
Your chest tightened as tears pricked your eyes, the overwhelming urge to scream, to sob, to lash out building inside you.
But you didn’t. You couldn’t.
Instead, you sat there, the cold metal biting into your wrists, the weight of their love crushing the last sliver of hope you’d held onto.
You had grown numb.
Must be from all the love, right?
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yandere#yandere jujutsu kaisen#yandere satoru gojo#yandere suguru geto#yandere satosugu#Yandere Satoru x Suguru x Reader#Yandere Satosugu x reader#Yandere suguru x reader#yandere satoru x reader
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Cultural exchange, Malleus x reader.
Sumary: you’re hanging out with malleus, and end up getting to see his more dragon side.
Notes: it can be read as both romantic and platonic, but there is already an established close friendship, as well as I did put a minor sex joke in there but it’s overall pretty innocent.
2.4K words
His bed is criminally soft, the air smells of fire, pine, and comfort, and the dorm room you´re occupied in screams of wealth and status. So of course, this is exactly where you want to spend your afternoons!
Your head rests against the pillow, letting your hair spill out around your face, as you lay on your side in the middle of the queen-sized bed. The view before you is that of the soon-to-be king of Briar Valley’s room. The floors and walls are shrouded in black, making the fireplace at the foot of the bed seem much more powerful. Though his room isn't the most welcoming at first, you've grown used to it and all its quirks- like the tiny stone pieces on the floor, which he drags with him - by accident - while making gargoyles.
You let out a sigh of relief, not feeling burdened by the tall presence behind you. Rather, you find solace in knowing he's here with you, accompanying and protecting you. You roll over and onto your back, in response to him sitting on the edge of the bed.
“it's nice to finally have some alone time, without that weasel constantly complaining in my ear.” You say with a soft content smile, mirroring his own.
“I know how you feel. I'm beyond grateful for the time here at Night Raven Collage, although having Sebek and Silver tailing me at any given moment can be a burden at times.”
You let out a small kind of laugh, finding amusement in the fact that he, too, acknowledges those two and their overprotective nature. Releasing another sigh from your lungs, you close your eyes and bask in the peace of the moment; the bed beneath you lulling you to sleep, yet your mind still drifts.
“I could so live here - it's way better than ramshackle. That much is certain.”
“If it were up to me, you would have already had a room of your own in our dorm.”
“But it doesn't work like that, does it? Crowley wouldn't let me stay here in a million years”
“No, unfortunately not.”
He finishes off before laying down next to you, joining you in simply relaxing in the presence of each other. As tempting as it would be to open your eyes and turn your head to see him lying next to you, sleep is dragging you in.
“You know, all this dorm stuff… It's so weird to me. Where I'm from, we don't exactly have a magic mirror to tell us where we belong.”
"Well I have to admit, it is a bit of an oddity here as well- But how is your world, for it to be so different from ours?”
“I think a very big part of it is that in my world, we simply don't have magic and because of that, anything within the realm of magic is entirely foreign to me.”
“How intriguing… I think it's safe to assume you miss your home?”
“Yeah… the world I'm from is so different to yours… Like, for example, in my world dragons don't exist.” I finally open my eyes and turn to look at him. As I do, I see him quietly laughing.
“Believe it or not, the people of this world believe the same.”
“Really?!... But aren't you like a dragon?”
“To answer your question, no, I am not a full-blooded dragon. Rather, I'm a dragon/draconic fae, the two are different. According to the public, dragons are extinct, and even though I am in direct opposition to their claims, the general knowledge stays the same.”
“Woah… that's… wild?”
“You're right, it is, my Child of Man…”
“... Well, what does it entail to be a dragon fae?”
His gaze, which earlier had been focused on the ceiling, dipped down to meet yours. His breathtaking green eyes are locked on your own, as he gives you a quizzical look.
“What do you mean, Dear?”
You turn to your body to fully face him, as you sit up on the bed, looking down at him and taking in your position looming above him. He lays relaxed against the sheets, with his hands on his stomach. It is a rare sight for many, but not for you.
“Like, what's it like? What differences does it make?...” You shot a look up to his horns “... What does it look like?”
“... You wish to see my dragon form?”
“-YES”
He's taken aback for a second before his face softens into a smile and he laughs, like actually laughs with heart.
“You humans are such curious creatures… I should warn you, that you might not like what happens if you choose to go through with it.” A mischievous - almost playful - smile is spread across his face. It makes you smile too, to see him so genuinely enjoy something.
“And what does that mean? Is that a threat?”
“You'll find out~” There's no way you're backing down now. You wait patiently as he slowly sits up on the bed, his back just a few inches away from the headboard, his back is as straight as ever.
“Where do we start?”
“Well I've already seen your tail once, but I would love to get a chance to see it up close!”
And with that, a tail spins itself around the edge of the bed from where it connects to him. It's as if it was never hidden in the first place, by how you didn't even notice it appeared. It is longer than his legs and it is covered in beautiful black scales, that shine blues and purples in the light, along with a couple of spikes along its back, ending at the tip with a small appendage (look at the picture for reference). Your eyes are busy studying his tail, while his eyes are busy studying you.
“... Wow… Can I touch it?”
“Go ahead… But be careful, one wrong move and it could easily fling you across the room.”
“You wouldn't do that, would you?”
“Maybe,” He says with that same grin on his face. He clearly wouldn't do it. He's just saying it to tease you. Taking his advice, I carefully reached my hand towards his tail and he so graciously moved closer to me- to the point where the end was touching my thigh. The scales are smooth and cold, yet I can feel the warmth from underneath them, it's a similar feeling to holding a snake yet way bigger- and that it belongs to one of my close friends. My hands trail across its length, admiring the intricacies as I run my fingers up the sides of one of the spikes, gently tapping the tip when I reach it to see how sharp it is. When retracting my finger, it was wholly intact. The spikes aren't particularly sharp.
My eyes met his once again, he wore a face of satisfaction as he observed me.
“I was right. You didn't send me flying”
Breaking the silence I spoke up, and in response, he chuckled- not so much because he found it funny, but rather, perhaps he was simply amused by my intrigue of his extensions. My hand was still on his tail, absentmindedly stroking the scales in an up-and-down motion.
“The last time I saw your tail, I didn't get to see it in such lights as the ones we currently have- Your scales are breathtaking”
“I'm glad you think so.” As he finished up his sentence, he lifted the end of his tail, until the tip was at perfect reach. Taking in the unspoken invitation, I make a final stroke from one of the points of the three-pointed tip, down before he retracts it, adjusting his position against the headboard.
He leans towards me, lifting his knee to support his elbow, so he can rest his cheek on the back of his hand. Meanwhile, his face is reflecting his highly aroused state of mind.
“Are you ready to move on to the next ones? To indulge your curiosities more; or do you wish to back out while you can?”
“You make it sound like I’m in some sort of imminent danger…”
He raised a brow and squinted his eyes, exaggeratedly scrutinizing me- for his standards- you, that is to say, most people as well, rarely ever see him so animated as he is now “Who says I'm not? I strike fear upon whoever may witness me.”
“Well, not me.”
“Perchance you're the peculiar one, then?”
I scoff and roll my eyes, not taking the jab to heart, before returning my gaze to his happy one. ”Well… you got wings right?”
“Indeed I do; you wish to indulge them next?”
“Sure, let's see them.”
Closing his eyes while nodding, he leaned back slightly, returning to a more neutral position, and relaxing his shoulders. “If I do, then it would make it a lot easier for me if I were to remove my shirt; are you comfortable with that, Child of Man?”
“Yeah, sure, I don't mind.”
“... And you can promise to not tell of this to anyone? If my grandmother were to catch wind of me undressing before a human, I would not hear the end of it.”
I chuckle at the thought.
“I promise- It won't end well for me either!”
He goes ahead without further conversation, beginning to undress. As the layers of fabric lifted off his body, it revealed more scales splayed across his features- even on the features visible earlier. The scales beautifully apply to, and exaggerate the contours and highlights of his body and face, making him look even more inhumanly beautiful.
He sits on his knees in front of me, threatening to make my neck ache if I had to look him in the eyes. Then, faster than I could compute, I’m surrounded by black. His large- large- wings encircle me. I whip my head from side to side, trying to look at them fully before my eyes lock with his. He wore the same stupid grin he did earlier, only bigger, I didn't even know he could be this expressive.
“So, child? Are you intimidated?”
“I-... well yes, kind of...”
His voice is roaring as he laughs at me, having his fun to the full before it softens into a more apologetic one.
“Sorry, the last thing I would want is for you to be scared of me.” He raised his hand and gently glided the back of his fingers against my cheek; he's been very bold recently.
He unflexed his wings, allowing the light to flow back to us. Between the very forward displays of affection, his high mood, and your eyes having to accommodate more light, you need a moment to adjust. And following you as you adjust, he does the same with his position, allowing you full access to his back. His wings go far lower than his back- the ends splay down far onto the bed.
You slowly reach out your hand, first coming into contact with the skin between the shoulder blades. His teal-tipped hair ends tickle your fingers before you finally come into contact with the wings. They spout out unusually from his back, with a joint prominent on the shoulder blade. As your hands glide upwards towards the tip of the top joint, you lightly graze over the talon placed on it, and moving your hand down further to the very end, you grasp the tip and watch it flex out and unfurl again, taking in and admiring the intricate ways it moves.
A few minutes go by of this- by curiously taking in his features, as he sits with his back turned to you in silence, to not interrupt your so focused observations; his wings being the biggest muse as it stands. Mesmerized by the way the thin tissue of his wings unfold when they open up, or the way that they can shield you away from almost any danger out there, within but a second.
The hair running down his back shifts, as he turns his head back to look at you, gazing at you with what could almost be described as sultry eyes.
“Did you have your fun?”
“Oh, if I did- your wings are enchanting, Malleus.”
He's turned over so he's facing you again, now getting yet another good look at the scales adorning his upper body. He smiles in contentment, the worn-out traces of his lipstick emphasising his lips as they curl upwards.
“So, Mal… is the next step full dragon form?”
“Oh no, my Child of Man, I think that will have to wait for another time; royal secrecy and indecency rules and whatnot.”
“Aw… Though when that does happen - which it will- can I ride you?”
“I can't promise anything, but it certainly wouldn't go against my reservations.”
Before you could answer, a notification rang through your phone, that Crowley gave you back at the Scarabia incident. As it turned out it was a text from Epel, in a group chat you’re in with your first-year friends. But as the screen lit up, the time caught your eye.
“There's only about an hour left, until I have to meet up with Grim again for dinner… how about we savour these last few moments?”
“Do you have anything particular in mind, prefect?”
He raised an eyebrow before answering, and when he was done speaking you took a bold move to lean forward, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him down to lay on the mattress along with you.
“Could we spend the time cuddling until I have to go again?”
His usual warm smile returns to his face, though differently this time, accompanied by the slightest redness dusting his cheeks.
“I would be delighted to.”
He gently grabs onto your waist, pulling you closer to his body. The scales on his neck feel cold to the touch, as you make yourself comfortable laying your head against his chest; letting the soft rhythmic thump of his heartbeat lull you to sleep before his tail wraps around one of your legs. Lastly, he opens his wings and wraps them around the two of you.
Staying like that, the two of you lay comfortably in each other's presence, before you had to return to whatever duties and responsibilities await you outside his room.
A/N (Chrille): from what I've heard, in Briar Valley, there's a rumour/belief that dragons are extinct? I’m not too sure though. Also please exuse if my grammar or mommas are weird English isn’t my first language😭
#malleus x reader#malleus draconia x reader#twst x reader#twisted wonderland x reader#disney twst#malleus x yuu
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Mine
Megumi loves you. He loves you so much that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. But past experiences taught him that everyone always ends up leaving him. He cannot let this happen. He will make sure the two of you get your happy ever after!
Halloween Masterlist 2023
This story is my contribution to @nagumoan 's Dance with the Dead Collab. Thank you so much for organizing this lovely Halloween event, Loni!!
Pairing: Megumi x Reader (female) Genre: Yandere Romance, smut Word Count: 9k Warnings: 18+, dark content, yandere Megumi, unhealthy relationship dynamics, possessiveness, murder (Megumi kills someone, but it's not Reader!!), smut, manipulation, gaslighting, baby trapping, breeding, pregnancy. All characters are of age. This story is 18+. Minors don't interact.
Mine. Mine. Mine.
The same word keeps repeating over and over again in Megumi's mind as he looks at you lying in his lap. So beautiful. So perfect to him. You look up at him, a small smile playing around your lips, and Megumi's heart throbs.
He smiles back at you while his long fingers pet your hair. His dark blue eyes gaze deeply into yours, letting himself drown in your eyes, in your love, in your trust. You are his. His wife, his lover, his everything. You belong to him, and he belongs to you.
Mine.
Megumi likes that word. It holds a special power. Because what is love if not possessiveness?
If you truly love someone, you should give yourself to them fully. You should commit yourself to them. True love is only true love if it lasts forever. It's the only kind of love Megumi can accept. Everything else is just a lie.
Megumi doesn't think he is a good man.
He believes there is something flawed about his existence. An inadequacy. It lives in his bones, in his blood, in his soul, filling every fiber of his being.
He grew up thinking that there must be something wrong with him. Why else would his father have left him? It must have been because Megumi was lacking something. Because he was not enough.
He always thought he was undeserving of love. That he was cursed to spend his life in the shadows, rejected and lonely.
Until you came into his life and filled his darkness with your light. You showed him another world, another life. A life full of love and affection. It is safe to say he adored you right from the start.
You didn't let him scare you off with his aloof act, with his sarcasm and eye-rolling and rude comments. You saw beneath that act. You refused to let him push you away. You just smiled even brighter at him, took his hand, and pulled him into your world of laughter and warmth and love.
But the problem with stepping into the light is that you don't want to return to the dark afterward. At least, that's how it is for Megumi. You changed him in a devastating way. You gave him everything but also burdened him with the risk of losing everything.
Ever since the day you came into his life, Megumi has been working on keeping you there.
He put a huge diamond ring on your finger after only one year, staking his claim, giving you a promise, and asking for a promise from you in return.
Megumi doesn't do anything less than forever. Lifelong devotion, lifelong commitment. That's what he offers you and what he needs in return. His dark blue eyes searched for your reassurance when he knelt before you, holding your hand gently but firmly in his, offering you all of him. His life, his heart, his loyalty until the end.
He liked what he saw in your eyes. The love and warmth in them had become his everything. When you said yes and became his wife, Megumi knew he would do anything for you and for this love the two of you shared.
Megumi thinks he isn't a good man in general, but he tries his very best for you. He wants to be good for you. He wants to be the man you seem to see in him.
There is something religious about the way he adores you. There never was a God in Megumi's life. No one deserved that title after what life had thrown at him since he was little. But you, you are godly to him.
And Megumi is dedicated to worshiping you like a Goddess. He is dedicated to offering sacrifices at the foot of your altar. He is committed to protecting you, to care for you, to cherish you. To kneel before you, his pretty face pressed against your wet cunt, his strong hands caressing every inch of your skin, his soft lips kissing you, loving you, worshipping your body.
He is there to make your life easier with an endless row of little acts of service, one after the other. Driving you everywhere, preparing a hot bath for you after work, buying your favorite snacks, giving you backrubs and orgasms. Making sure to catalog all of your reactions to his touches so he learns how to fuck you the right way. The way that makes your eyes roll back and cling desperately to him, moaning how good he makes you feel.
Megumi thinks he isn't a good person, but he is a good husband. Maybe not everything about him is flawed. Maybe there is something that's worthy of love. Because that's what you tell him when you cup his face with both your soft hands and smile at him,
"Oh, Megumi, you're doing it again. I can literally see how you are overthinking. Don't worry that much, darling. Don't make everything so hard for yourself. I love you, Megumi. You're the best husband I could ever wish for."
He huffs softly, but a gentle smile lights up his face as he wraps his arms around you and pulls you against his tall, lean-muscled body. He rests his chin on the top of your head, loving how your breathing syncs with his as you snuggle against him.
"I love you too."
And yet, even as he says them, Megumi knows that the words alone aren't enough to convey his feelings for you. But he hopes he can show you how much he loves you.
Fear is a part of Megumi. It was put into him at a young age when the people who were supposed to love him and care for him left him. A mother who died too soon. A father who went to get cigarettes and never returned. A long row of different foster families who only endured little Megumi's grumpy nature and his outbursts of violence for so long before they dropped him. An older sister who did her best to love him and help him, only to get into an accident that made her fall into a coma, leaving an angry, lost, and scared teenage Megumi behind.
It taught Megumi early on that there is nothing in life he can rely on. It taught him that everyone would leave him eventually. It convinced him that some cruel fate was always walking in the shadows beside him, always waiting to dig its claws into Megumi and drown him in loneliness again.
Your light has chased away most of that darkness that haunts Megumi, but a part of it will always remain.
It flares alive when Megumi sees the way your eyes sparkle when your favorite idol appears on the TV screen. When he sees you mouth the lyrics to that guy's song, and you have that little smile on your face and sway your hips gently to the music. A song about love. Do you think about Megumi when you hear it? Or do you imagine a romance with the singer?
It makes Megumi shove the limited edition of the new album you brought home into the trash when you are at work the next day and act innocent when you search feverishly for it. He tells you that he saw it just yesterday evening lying on top of the books you wanted to return to the library after work today. You might have accidentally put it in the bag, and it must have slipped out while you were at the library. You know how clumsy you can be. But it's ok, don't worry about it. He loves you, and now let him kiss you so you forget about that CD!
The darkness flares alive when Megumi sees you carefully applying your makeup and styling your hair in the morning before work. Why do you feel the need to make yourself look so pretty for your coworkers? You shouldn't care about what they think of you.
"Darling, you've already taken up the bathroom for twenty minutes."
He walks up behind you and slings his arms around your waist, long fingers sprawling possessively over your hips as he leans down to kiss your neck. He gets a whiff of your perfume, the sexy one, the one he always associates with you under him, moaning his name and looking up at him with heavy-lidded eyes as your legs rest on Megumi's shoulders and he turns his head to kiss your ankle and breathe in the soft traces of perfume.
Cold fear forms a knot in his stomach, and his fingers tighten on your body.
"You dress up like you are going on a date... It's only work. Don't waste so much time on your makeup. Join me on a morning walk instead. Hm? What do you say, my love? The dogs would be happy too if you join us."
He sounds calm, a bit amused even. Carefully constructed criticism, so it won't make you think he is jealous. Megumi knows jealousy is a reason for many relationship problems and breakups. So, he is careful to hide his genuine emotions. He is careful to veil his true intentions behind this mask of playful teasing.
You laugh softly and lift your head to look at him in the mirror. Your small hands land on Megumi's and interlace your fingers with his.
"Aww baby, does that mean you think I look pretty?"
You playfully bat your eyelashes at him in the mirror, and Megumi's lips lift in a soft smile.
"Of course I do. My wife always looks beautiful."
He loves the feeling of your wedding ring pressing against the matching ring on his finger. He trails more kisses down your neck with growing urgency. Maybe he should show you how much he treasures you. Maybe he should remind you who you belong to. Maybe if he fucks you good enough, he will be the only one on your mind while you're at work.
His hands slip under your skirt, pushing it up as he watches you in the mirror, blue eyes looking intently as he brushes his long fingers slowly over your panty-clad pussy, rubbing your clit tenderly through the thin fabric.
He can see your lashes flutter, can see the way your lips fall open, even as a weak complaint leaves them,
"Megumi... not now. I will be late for work..."
But Megumi knows what he's doing, and soon your resolve breaks, and you are putty in his hands, leaning against him as he kisses and caresses you. Whining softly as he pushes your panties to the side and rubs your swollen wet clit in tender circles, spreading your creamy wetness over your silky folds, driving you crazy with his tender touches.
Your hands grab the sink tightly when he pushes two long fingers into your wet creamy heat, fucking you slowly with them until you are on the brink of cumming all over his hand.
His heart feels so full, and he can't help but smile when you tremble in his arms and whine and moan, begging him to please fuck you for real.
You cling desperately to him when he lifts you up and carries you back to the bedroom. You moan his name needily when he fucks you hard into the mattress, in a mating press, pressing your knees to your chest so he can go extra deep, rolling his hips slowly against yours, basking in the sounds of your wet pussy, taking his cock. Feeling light-headed upon hearing the noises you make for him, the soft mewls and loud moans.
He tells you to look at him, so he can get the reassurance of seeing the pleasure on your face and the love in your eyes when you cum for him, pussy clenching greedily around him, milking his cock as if you never want to let him go again.
He groans in satisfaction, eyes finally closing when he feels his orgasm wash over him, his cock twitching and spilling his seed deep inside you.
Afterward, Megumi helps you put on your panties again, pulling them up, even as you complain,
"W...wait, baby. I have to wash up first."
His blue eyes are stern when he looks at you and shakes his head.
"No, go like that. I want you to be my good girl and walk around all day with my cum leaking out of your pretty pussy. Think about me anytime you feel it. Think about how much I love you, darling. And once you come back home, I will fill you up again. Will you do that for me? Will you be my good girl?"
You bite your lip and grin at him, obviously turned on by his words,
"Ok, sir. I'll be your good girl."
You let him pull up your panties again and fix your skirt for you, moaning when he kisses your cheek and praises you for being so good for him.
Megumi feels much more at ease again when he drops you at work. You kiss him goodbye a bit longer and deeper than necessary, your tongue flicking against his, whispering against his lips before you part from him,
"That was such a hot morning, baby."
He feels calm and reassured when he watches you leave the car and slowly walk towards the entrance of the large building you work in. He even sings along to the music playing on the radio on the drive home and hums a little tune to himself when he takes the dogs for a walk in the park before he leaves for work.
Megumi knows he isn't a good man, but he can't help it.
There is this wolf inside him who watches with cold, narrowed eyes as you say goodbye to your coworker before you jog over to where Megumi is waiting in the parked car for you.
There is this beast inside him that digs its claws into his heart and whispers all those hurtful things into his ear.
Didn't you smile at your coworker a bit too brightly? Didn't you stand a bit too close to him? Didn't you laugh a bit too loud at whatever he said?
Megumi grits his teeth, silently growling at the wolf to shut up and fuck off.
Leave me alone! She loves me. She is my wife.
But the wolf whispers back,
But how long will she be your wife? How long before she finds someone better?
Megumi huffs and hits the steering wheel before he grabs it so tightly that his knuckles turn white. He closes his eyes and counts to ten, trying to calm his breathing.
Just in time before you yank open the passenger seat door and greet him with a broad smile and a loud,
"Heyyy, baby!"
You climb into the seat and lean over to greet him with a sweet kiss on his cheek.
Megumi can't help but reach out to put a hand on the back of your neck, elegant long fingers caressing your skin as he pulls you closer to kiss you on the mouth, a deep possessive kiss, letting you know who you belong to. Hoping that your coworker sees it.
But when he pulls away, Megumi's mask is perfectly in place. Calm, aloof, a soft smile lighting up his pretty face, blue eyes looking deeply into yours as he asks you innocently,
"How was work, sweetheart?"
You sigh and tell him about boring meetings and a workload that is much too high to handle.
He fucks you a bit harder that night, handles you a bit rougher. Harder thrusts, firmer touches. His strong hands capture your wrists, wrap tightly around them, and fix them above your head while Megumi's tall, lean-muscled body presses you down onto the mattress. His face is buried in your neck, groaning softly, whimpering your name and how much he loves you.
He sees the bruises on your wrists at breakfast the next morning, feeling guilt wash over him. Guilt that makes him hug you gently and make your coffee extra good. He breathes tender kisses on your wrists, long black lashes flutter around his dark blue eyes, his voice is low, full of regret,
"It seems I was a bit too rough last night. I am so sorry, darling."
"It's fine, Megumi, please don't worry, baby. I like it when you get so passionate."
Megumi feels the iron grip around his heart loosen. He smiles softly into your hair and kisses the top of your head, wrapping a strong arm around you and hugging you. He likes that you are so much smaller than he is, the way your face rests against his toned chest. The way you snuggle into his strong arms, sighing happily when Megumi hugs you even tighter. The way you seek the safety of his arms and the warmth of his body. The way you trust him so completely.
When Megumi pulls away, he takes your left hand and brings it to his lips to place a lingering kiss on the large sparkling diamond on your wedding ring.
Mine.
"And then she threw her stuff into a suitcase and just left!"
Your eyes are sparkling excitedly, hands gesturing wildly as you sit across from Megumi at the dinner table, apparently finding great joy in re-telling the newest drama in your friend group.
Megumi doesn't share your excitement. On the contrary, his blood is rushing loudly in his ears. He feels sick. His hand is clutching the steak knife so tightly that it hurts.
He lifts his gaze from the red juices of the medium rare meat building a little sea on the white plate. His blue eyes narrow as he fixes you with a frown,
"And she just threw her marriage away? How long have they been together? Seven years? And she just left him?"
"Megumi! Didn't you listen? He forgot her birthday! And he spent more and more time playing his online games instead of doing things with her! She was frustrated!"
And that was enough to end a marriage?
Megumi gulps hard.
Well, that's how the world ticks, right? That's how people tick. They say they love you, but then they just leave. Promises mean nothing. Words mean nothing. They get forgotten, they get twisted, they get taken back.
Seven years.
Your friend had been with her husband for seven years, and she left him because of minor, unimportant things. Instead of fighting for her love, instead of trying to talk to him and fix things, she picked the easy way and left. Just like the way most people do nowadays.
All those breakups, all those divorces. All those single parents and abandoned kids. All the tabloids are full of celebrities who split up after decades of presenting themselves as the happiest couple ever.
How is Megumi still supposed to trust in love? In you? In your feelings for him?
What if your friends put something into your head? What if one of them voices their doubt about Megumi being good enough for you? What if? What if they give you some crazy idea about looking for someone else who is not as flawed as him?
They already advocate giving up on your partner and acting as if being selfish and throwing relationships away is something one should be proud of and celebrate.
Those people are a bad influence on you. He has to do something about this.
It's easy.
He calls his cousin Maki, asking her to meet him for lunch, using family business as an excuse. He knows she will not come alone, and of course, he is right. By her side is her girlfriend Nobara, always so chatty, always so gossipy. The perfect person to help him achieve his goal.
Megumi quickly finishes the business talk with Maki, and then it's time to set his plan in motion. A few comments here and there about you feeling down lately because there seems to be drama in your friend group, and naturally, Nobara is all ears, leaning across the table, asking him for more details, grinning broadly as she soaks up the gossip greedily.
He can stir the pot. He can make up lies. He can make them look bad. He can make Nobara become indignant and invested and already typing a text message furiously.
And nothing will ever get traced back to Megumi. No one would ever think he is the type for gossip. He is a very serious and professional man who wouldn't be caught dead indulging in petty things like that. No one will believe Nobara if she mentions Megumi was involved in this.
And the beautiful thing about gossip is that no one ever finds out who started it. Once it gets released into the world, it grows and mutates until it's so messy that it's like it has its own will. No one can tell anymore who said what.
Megumi leaves with a content smile. He set things into motion today. Now, he just has to wait.
It takes three days until he catches you standing in the kitchen, your coffee forgotten, wiping tears off your cheeks and looking miserably up at him as he walks towards you with concerned blue eyes,
"Babe, what's wrong?"
You sniffle against his chest, your warm tears seeping through the thin cotton of his shirt as you tell him about the drama that escalated quickly. False accusations, one of your friends claiming you talked about her behind her back. You apparently said that she was involved in the split up of your other friend because she had an affair with the husband and wanted him for herself. And now all your other friends bonded with that friend, not believing you when you say you never did any of that.
You are crying and clinging to Megumi, sobbing into his shirt,
"They don't want to be friends with me anymore. They kicked me out of the group chat and everything!"
Megumi's arms tighten around you. He knows he is selfish. He knows he is the worst. His heart breaks for you when he feels you shaking in his arms. But he only did what had to be done. He cannot let those bitches put their dangerous opinions in your head. He cannot let anyone come between you and him. He needs you.
He hates himself for causing you this pain. But he can ease it. He can show you that you don't need those women. You already have a husband who loves you and cares for you.
He is your strong shoulder to cry on, offering you his love, his reassurance, and his compassion as he caresses your back soothingly and whispers sweet words to you.
"I am so sorry, babe. You don't deserve that. Please promise me you won't talk to them again. They don't deserve to call themselves your friends after this. And you'll always have me, darling. I am always here for you."
Megumi hates to be that guy, but he can't stop himself from balling his hands into fists under the table when you tell him about work every evening over dinner. The way your eyes gleam, the way you laugh as you recount the funny conversations you had with your coworkers.
He feels guilty. He knows a good man would be happy for you. But Megumi isn't a good man. And so he sits there stiffly, his fingernails digging painfully into his palms as the jealousy spreads its poison through his blood.
It's not fair that your coworkers get to spend so much time with you. That they have so many inside jokes with you that Megumi simply cannot understand even when you tell him about them. It's not fair that they can make you feel so much. Do you have more fun with them than you have with Megumi?
Probably. He isn't a very fun person. He is too serious, too stern, too controlled. He gulps hard, remembering one incident a year ago when you told him playfully to loosen up a bit. You had smiled and ruffled his hair, but Megumi had felt as if you had stabbed his heart. He had once again felt inadequate. Not enough.
What if you get tired of him? What if you realize that one of your coworkers is a better match for you? That one of them makes you laugh more than Megumi can? That one of them brings more positive energy into your life than Megumi can do?
What if the process of you falling out of love with him and catching feelings for someone else has already started?
Cold fear grips Megumi's heart. He has to do something! You cannot go to work anymore!
But how can he convince you to stay home? It's not like he didn't already try. Megumi is rich. He is the heir of the Zenin family, already a CEO in his mid-twenties. He could easily provide you with everything you need! The moment you were married, he suggested that you could quit your job and become a housewife. He knew lots of women dreamed of this.
But unfortunately, not you.
You had laughed and rubbed his arm, cooing at him how sweet he was. But no thanks, you wanted to go to work. You liked it there, and you wanted to have something for yourself too!
Megumi's alternate plan had been to ask you to work in his company. Wouldn't it be nice to be in his department? Wouldn't it be nice to be married to your boss?
But you turned his offer down with a smile and a sweet kiss.
"That sounds tempting, babe. But I would hate all the gossip and the accusations. You know how people are. No one would take me seriously. They would all think I have special privileges because I am your wife!"
"So what? Let them talk. Who cares what they think?"
"It would make me uncomfortable. Besides, I already have a job I enjoy and really nice coworkers. I know you only mean well, Megumi. But I don't think it would be good if I worked for your company."
So Megumi had to give up.
There is another option, though. An option that would solve all his problems and bind you even more to him: Having a baby together.
Megumi decides right then and there at the dinner table that he has to prioritize this option. His long fingers dance over his phone display, typing a quick message to Yuuji, his best friend and coincidentally a dad of two little twin boys.
He smiles when his friend replies almost instantly. Megumi puts his phone away and looks at you,
"The Itadoris will come over for coffee this Saturday."
Saturdays are always one of Megumi's favorite days. Saturdays mean you are at home, where you should be, with no work no coworkers. And this Saturday is even better because you are kneeling on the lush carpet in the living room, cooing at two pink-haired baby boys who kick their chubby legs and smile big, adorable smiles at you.
The thing with Megumi's best friend, Yuuji, is that this guy has so much charm and sunshine vibes that he can draw anyone in. And luckily, his babies are exactly the same. The perfect means to what Megumi hopes to achieve. If the Itadori babies can't convince you to become a mom, he doesn't know what else could!
And Yuuji unknowingly plays his part perfectly, too. He is sitting on the floor, laughing and playing with his twins, talking to you about how happy they make him and how amazing his life has been since he became a stay-at-home dad.
"I really enjoyed my work as a firefighter, but it is nothing compared to the joy I feel at home with the twins! This is the best thing that ever happened to me!"
You laugh and tell him he is doing such a good job, but then you add,
"Aren't you getting bored, though? I mean, as a firefighter, you had a high-energy job, with lots of physical activity and all the emergencies, the adrenalin and stuff. I guess being at home must be boring for you at times?"
Itadori shakes his head and smiles that big, toothy smile.
"Nah, I never get bored! Those two little whirlwinds keep me busy! And I can finally learn so many new recipes! I finally have time to cook and bake! And I work out at home or take long runs with the little ones in the stroller, so I am still just as active as before!"
That night, Megumi hugs you from behind and smiles against your neck as he gently strokes your stomach.
"Yuuji's twins are really cute, aren't they? You seemed to be very smitten with them."
For a moment, he thinks he has you. But then you chuckle softly and caress the back of his hand as you tell him,
"They are so cute. And Yuuji is so proud and so happy. It really makes you think, doesn't it? How would our babies look? What would life with them be like? But it's too soon. I want to work for a while longer, at least. I am so close to getting promoted. If I would take a baby leave now, I could forget that. But we still have lots of time, so it's no problem."
Megumi grits his teeth, counting silently to ten before he replies in a carefully neutral tone,
"Yes, you are right, darling. We have all the time in the world."
Megumi is a bad man, and he hates himself for it, but he can't help wishing all the worst things on your coworker. That guy with the short brown hair and the glasses. Why is it that he is chatting with you every fucking day after work? Megumi can see it all clearly from where he is waiting for you in the car.
What's that guy's problem? Why is he trying to hit on a married woman? Megumi isn't stupid. He can clearly see what those guy's intentions are! The casual touches! The big smiles and loud laughs. The overly nice farewell.
Megumi wants to get out of the car and punch that stupid smile off that idiot's face! But he has to keep cool. He has to act as if everything is fine.
Nothing is fine.
Megumi is seething with anger. His vision goes blurry as fear swallows him. It's just a short text message, but to him, it's the same as standing in the middle of the apocalypse.
"Hey babe, some of my coworkers are going out for drinks after work tonight. I agreed to join them, so please don't wait for me for dinner. I will eat something at the bar. I love you!"
His hands are shaking as he stares at the phone screen. Should he feign a sickness? He is sure you would rush home to him if he did that. But no, that will only make him look weak. You don't need a weak man. You need a strong guy who takes care of you.
There is no choice.
"Alright, darling. Have fun. Call me when you're finished so I can pick you up. I love you too."
He throws the phone onto the leather couch in his office with an angry growl. He already sees it all in his head. The chill atmosphere of the bar. The dim lights, the cocktails. The alcohol will make your mind cloudy. And your flirty coworker will use that to his advantage and steal what belongs to Megumi!
His whole day is ruined. Megumi storms out of his office, informing his assistant that there is a family emergency, snapping at her to get things managed for him when she tells him he has several important meetings today.
As if any of that is of importance! Stupid nonsense! All that matters is you!
You, who belong to Megumi! You, who is too kind and sweet and naive to realize what your coworker is trying to do!
Megumi drives home too fast, even though he doesn't even know what he can do at home. He strolls restlessly from one end of the living room to the next, breathing heavily as his mind is in a whirlwind of negative thoughts.
Evening comes, and Megumi grabs his car keys and his coat, jogs down to his car, and drives downtown. It's as if some invisible force pulls him here. As if he is some onlooker of a catastrophe that cannot look away. He needs to be there. He needs to see it with his own eyes.
He hides in the shadows outside the bar, something he has always been good at. When you are an abandoned, grumpy child who gets dismissed as a troublemaker, you learn to become friends with the shadows.
No one pays close attention to him. He isn't suspicious. He's just a tall, good-looking man in expensive dark clothes waiting for someone.
Megumi's chest feels heavy as he narrows his eyes and watches through the window. Your little group sits at a table in the middle of the bar. Happy faces, drinks get raised, laughter gets shared. Your eyes sparkle with joy. Megumi's heart clenches painfully. You are so beautiful. On the inside and outside. Everything he has ever wanted.
But you are in the cozy light of the bar, in the warm room, smiling and laughing and being loved by everyone. And Megumi is out here in the dark, in the cold of the night, all alone, someone who gets abandoned, who gets replaced. Someone who loneliness clings to like a curse.
Your coworker with the brown hair and the glasses sits next to you. Of course, he does! He leans closer to you, brushing his shoulder against yours, turning to talk to you, and you throw your head back and laugh, clearly enjoying what he said.
Megumi's hands ball into fists in the pockets of his coat. A decision is made. Megumi will not lose you. He will mold the world into one where you stay with him. He will control the circumstances, so you have no choice but to be by his side. He will erase everyone who wants to take you away from him. The first one to go will be your flirty coworker.
It's a thought that should be concerning. An idea that would terrify others. But not Megumi. He hasn't been scared of things like these for a long time. He was six when his father left. He was a little child and fended for himself for half a year before people found out he and his sister lived all alone. Megumi isn't scared of using his fists or his mind to take people down who try to hurt him. Violence doesn't scare him. The only thing that scares him is losing you.
It takes a week of planning and observing before everything is perfect.
Megumi picks you up from work and drives you home like every day. He kisses you tenderly as he lets you get out of the car in front of your apartment, telling you that he has to go back to the Zenin building because he still has to make some changes to an important business contract. He drives to his office and makes sure several people see him before he sneaks out and drives to another part of the city.
He parks his car in a sidestreet and walks the rest of the way. His heart is beating rapidly, but his mind is strangely clear. He is a man on a mission. A righteous mission. A husband who ensures his marriage will stay happy.
The black leather gloves feel soft on his hands as Megumi jogs through the dimly lit park. He spots his rival after ten minutes. Megumi follows him slowly, blue eyes observing their surroundings carefully. He feels excited. The thrill of the hunt is sending adrenaline through his veins.
Megumi feels grim satisfaction when he tackles the man to the ground behind a group of trees. He doesn't feel any remorse when he brings the knife down in several precise movements. He can't bring himself to see anything wrong with his actions. He hates bad people, and this guy clearly is a bad person if he is trying to steal someone else's wife. He deserves to die!
Megumi feels elation when he watches with cold blue eyes as the life seeps out of the man who wanted to steal you.
His heart feels light when he finally is back in his car after leaving the cold body of his rival lying in a bloody puddle. He whistles a soft tune on the drive home, feeling as if a great weight has been lifted off his shoulders.
He goes home to you, takes a quick shower, and then slips into bed behind your warm body, smiling when you snuggle against him, mumbling his name with so much love. He makes slow love to you, rolling on top of you, gentle, sleepy sex that makes you wrap your legs around him and mewl cutely as he moves on top of you, deep, slow thrusts accompanied by tender kisses.
You call Megumi at noon the next day when he is in the middle of a meeting. He excuses himself, taking your call to hear your shrill voice telling him that something terrible happened.
And Megumi smiles while he tells you,
"That's horrible, darling. I am coming to pick you up immediately. Please don't go anywhere without me."
He is a good husband, rushing to your workplace to pick up his distraught wife and take her home.
He wraps you in a warm blanket on the couch and brings you tea. He hugs you, pulls you into his strong arms, and tells you he is there for you, tells you that you are safe with him and that he will always protect you.
And you cling to him, crying, scared, and shaken up, burying your face in his chest, snuggling against his firm muscles.
"It's so... It's so crazy and scary. I mean... I have been sitting across from him in the office for several years! We got along so well! I would even say we were friends! And now he... he is... oh god, Megumi! He just went on a run in the park, and someone robbed him and stabbed him! It's like you aren't safe anywhere anymore!"
You hiccup, pressing your face against Megumi's firm chest, your fingers clutching his shirt tightly. He holds you and cuddles you while feeling elated that you need him so bad.
You call in sick for work for three days in a row, and Megumi thinks he has you. You are shaken up, scared by the fact that someone you know got murdered. A terrifying reminder that life outside isn't safe. You could get attacked anywhere at any time.
Megumi pets your hair and strokes your back, telling you to lock the door and snuggle under the blanket with the dogs.
"They will protect you while I'm at work, my love. You are safe here. Just don't leave the apartment. I will be back in a few hours and look after you."
He thinks he did it. He thinks you finally see that it's best to always stay in here. He thinks he can finally rest assured, knowing his sweet wife will only see him and no one else.
But the relief is short-lived.
You get out of bed on the fourth day, smiling bravely and telling Megumi that you feel better again.
"I can't hide away in here forever, Megumi. I have to get back to work."
He punches the wall when you close the bathroom door behind you, cursing under his breath. Why are you doing this to him? Why can't you just let Megumi take care of everything? Why must you be so adamant about standing on your own feet?
Fear is crashing over him again with thick black waves, pulling him under and drowning him in a sea of desperation.
Everything was fine for a few days! You were here, safe and sound, and letting Megumi dote on you! You were only his alone for a few days, and it had felt like the world was finally at peace, that Megumi was finally at peace! He cannot lose this feeling again!
Megumi is an intelligent man, and that is his curse! He isn't one of those naive fools like Itadori, who is, of course, a kind and amazing person, but he is too trusting, always smiling his stupid sunshine smile and not thinking much when his wife leaves the house to go to work all day and meet her friends and coworkers.
Megumi cannot be like that! He knows things! He knows firsthand how unreliable people are! People change their minds all the time. Even those closest to you might leave from one day to the next.
Love doesn't last. Even couples who have been together for decades suddenly cheat on each other and get divorced.
It all comes down to one thing: You cannot trust anyone. Even the most loyal soul might get weak when faced with too much temptation. And why would you stay with someone as flawed as Megumi if you ever get presented with the choice to be with someone who is perfect?
It's not that Megumi doubts your love for him in the here and now. He knows you love him. He frequently reads the texts you send your remaining friends where you swoon about him. He sees how your face lights up with affection when he does all those little acts of service for you. He sees you cry and sob and whine for him almost every night when he makes sure to fuck you so good that he spoils you for any other man.
Yes, you love him. But this is now. What will be in a year? In five? In ten?
Megumi simply cannot bring himself to be as naive as to believe in eternal love and loyalty. His father made sure to show him otherwise. People like Itadori are so clueless, so naive. But not Megumi. He is always prepared to get left behind again.
It's natural. Feelings fade with time, and then it all depends on other circumstances.
Love won't be enough.
He has to make sure you stay with him, not just because you love him because that love can vanish. He has to make sure you are dependent on him. You have to know you cannot just walk away. He needs to make sure you are financially dependent on him. And he has to make sure you don't have anyone else but him. If you have nowhere else to go, you must stay with him.
He slowly unclenches his fists, forcing himself to breathe calmly. He can do this. There must be a way! He already succeeded in isolating you from that friend group he didn't approve of. Now, if you only weren't so stubborn when it comes to work!
Megumi sighs and runs a hand through his unruly black hair. His gaze lands on a patch of color sticking out from under the carpet before the couch. He frowns and walks over, leaning down to inspect it. It's a red pacifier. Yuuji must have dropped it.
Megumi picks it up and holds it between two elegant fingers, turning it thoughtfully from one side to the next.
Maybe there is one more thing he can do.
It's a good thing he is so skilled with his fingers. It's difficult to manipulate the packaging of your birth control pills, but Megumi took the day off to execute his plan meticulously. He carefully pulls the aluminum foil off the blister packaging, flushes the contraceptives down the toilet, and then replaces them with some mild painkillers that look identical.
It takes some effort to fix the foil again, but Megumi has steady hands, and he is driven by desperation and a firm conviction.
By the end of the day, he holds the manipulated packaging proudly in his hands.
He feels a tiny wave of guilt when he puts it back into your nightstand. But it vanishes again when he reminds himself that he is doing this out of love. He just wants to make sure the two of you stay together. And he knows that even if you are shocked at first, you will learn to embrace the thought of becoming a mother.
You were so happy when you saw Yuuji's twins! You will be even more delighted when it's your and Megumi's baby that you hold in your arms! He is just giving you what you want anyway. A happy family. Megumi and you, your baby, and two dogs! The perfect family everybody wishes for! You will learn to love your new life!
Megumi waits. Of course, he keeps track of your monthly cycle. It's something he has always done. As a good caring husband, he always wanted to know at which times of the month the hormones would make you act a certain way, make you sad, or make you horny. But now it's like a countdown to Christmas or his birthday.
Megumi's eyes follow you all day, excitement tingling in his veins when he kisses you before you leave for work. You have started to ovulate. Tonight, he will breed you.
You both don't get a lot of sleep that night. Megumi pulls you onto his lap after dinner, kissing you deeply, licking into your mouth with deep, demanding kisses while his graceful hands slip under your skirt to rub your clit through your panties, driving you wild on his lap, making you mewl into his mouth and grind needily against him, so wet that you stain his pants.
He smiles when he steers you to the bedroom, his cock throbbing eagerly against his pants. Tonight, he will make you a mommy.
You look so beautiful beneath him, your face sweaty and damp from tears of bliss running down your cheeks, your eyes closed in pleasure, your mouth hanging open in loud moans and needy mewls.
Your legs rest on Megumi's shoulders, your body writhes under him, meeting every deep thrust of his needily. He can feel your cunt twitch around him, can feel how wet you are for him, how it stains the bed sheets under you. He can smell how fertile you are, that unmistakenly sweet, enticing smell your pussy has when you are ovulating. It drives him wild tonight. It makes him fuck you hard and deep, rubbing your clit firmly to make you cum on his cock over and over again, making your orgasming pussy milk him dry.
You are so good for him, such a sweet wife, such a good girl, taking all his seed so deeply into you. And Megumi makes sure to keep it in there. He lies on top of you, pressing you into the sheets, moaning softly, his heart overflowing with love when his lips find yours in a long, tender kiss while your pussy pulses around his spent cock.
He stays inside you until his cock softens and slips out of you, leaving a hot sticky trail of his seed and your cream on your inner thighs. Megumi watches you with heavy-lidded dark blue eyes as he pushes his cum back into you, fingering you thoroughly with his ring finger and middle finger, watching in fascination as your combined juices drip down his long fingers and onto the wedding ring he is wearing.
He smiles and coos at you, full of love and praise, telling you how beautiful you are and how much he loves you, groaning when he feels your pussy tightening around his fingers.
"Yes, princess, you are such a good girl for me. Cum on my fingers, sweetheart. Fuck, you're so beautiful!"
He smiles as he watches you come undone for him, letting him fuck all his warm seed back into you, stuffing you with it, making sure you keep it all inside.
For good measure, he takes you again an hour later, fucking you deep and thoroughly, rolling his hips against you, making his full balls slap loudly against you, giving you all his fertile seed, smiling when he imagines you holding a blue-eyed black-haired baby on your arm, waiting for Megumi when he comes home after work.
He comes so hard that he almost blacks out, and his loud feral moan is even drowning out your needy mewls.
Megumi watches you wolfishly. He knows your period should have started three days ago. But every time he checks your stack of tampons and pads, he can see that you haven't used any yet.
He feels a glorious satisfaction as he watches you grow more nervous every day. You constantly leave for the bathroom, probably to check whether your period has finally started, only to return with a feverish look in your eyes.
He waits patiently for several days more so as not to arouse any suspicion. Then he casually asks after kissing you goodbye when leaving for work,
"Oh babe, I'm going to grab some things at the drugstore today after work. Do you need anything? I think you are pretty close to that time of the month, aren't you? Do you need tampons or pads?"
He has to bite his lip not to smile when he sees the emotions flickering over your face. Worry, shame, nervousness. Your lips start to tremble, and finally, you spit it all out,
"I... Oh, Megumi! It should have started six days ago! I am so worried! Like I know it can't be. I... I can't be pregnant... I am on the pill! But... but it's so strange! I have never been late!"
He feigns understanding, smiling gently at you and pulling you against his chest, hugging you comfortingly to his tall, lean-muscled body.
"Aww, please don't worry, darling. It will be fine. Maybe you forgot to take a pill? It can happen so fast. Life is hectic."
He can see your eyes widen. It was a good thing to say. You can be pretty chaotic and forgetful. It's easy to cast doubt and make you believe it was your mistake. He can feel you stiffen in his arms. And when you lift your head to look at him, guilt is written all over your pretty face,
"Shit... that's a possibility, yeah. I can be such a distracted idiot! I am so stupid!"
"No, please don't blame yourself, babe. Really, it's ok. Look, we already agreed that we want to have kids someday, right? So, what if it happens a bit sooner than planned? I don't mind at all, darling. I love you, and I will always take care of you and our possible kids. Don't worry."
You blink rapidly as tears gather in your eyes, and Megumi cups your cheek and caresses it tenderly,
"Why don't you take the day off, babe? We can buy some pregnancy tests and see what's going on. And no matter what the tests say, everything will be fine, I promise you. You can always count on me, my love. We will get through everything together."
You nod wildly and smile gratefully at him as tears run down your cheeks, and you throw yourself into Megumi's arms again, letting him comfort you.
"O...ok, Megumi. Thank you, baby. I love you too."
You are so cute like this, nervous and scared, needing Megumi so much. He drives you back home with only one hand on the steering wheel. His other hand is clutched tightly between your cold fingers. A small happy smile tugs at the corners of Megumi's lips. He likes this. He likes being needed by you.
Finally, things will be in his favor. He knows it.
You are a nervous wreck the whole remaining day, pacing the living room restlesssly until Megumi gets in your way and makes you bump against his tall, lean-muscled body, and he pulls you in his arms, reassuring you, giving you all the comfort and love you need.
Megumi sets an alarm for six in the morning so you can take the pregnancy test. He is already awake, unable to sleep with how excited he is when the alarm starts blaring, and you jump out of bed at the first sound of it, shaking a bit as you look at him with big eyes,
"It's time... ok, I'll... I'll take the test now."
And Megumi is there for you, of course. He is the best husband you could wish for. Caring, loving, devoted, reliable. Megumi is someone you can count on. He smiles gently at you and takes your hand.
"You mean, we will take the test now. I am here for you, sweetheart. You aren't alone."
He leads you to the bathroom. He reads the instructions to you and hands you a plastic cup. He leans against the sink and smiles as you pee into the cup, refusing to leave your side even for one minute. A husband and wife can share every moment after all. There is no shame.
You smile sheepishly at him as you walk over to him, and Megumi takes the plastic cup out of your trembling hand.
"You're doing great, darling. Let me do the rest."
He prepares the test and pulls you into his strong arms, letting you hide your face in his firm, muscled chest, breathing in the comforting scent of the shirt he slept in while you wait for the test result.
Megumi strokes your back soothingly. His lips brush over your earlobe as he murmurs to you,
"No matter what the test says, I love you."
The sound of the alarm makes you jump. Megumi is the one who takes the test off the sink with steady fingers. He already knows what it will say.
"Pregnant."
His strong arms catch you when you sway lightly on your feet. His lips press gently against your hair, breathing a soft kiss to your forehead. You cannot see it, but the smile on Megumi's face is the happiest he has ever smiled.
You bury your face in his shirt, your voice sounds muffled, full of tears,
"I am so sorry Megumi! If only I had been more careful! I... oh god, what if I fail at being a mom? And now you will have so much more responsibility too, and it's my fault, and I..."
He silences your tearful ramblings by making you lift your head and capture your lips in a deep kiss, licking the salty taste of your tears out of your mouth. His heart feels like bursting, so exhilarated, so happy. It's lovely to see you so weak. So dependent on him. He loves to be needed.
He cups your cheek lovingly when he pulls away from the kiss. Dark blue eyes look deeply into yours, almost as if he is trying to hypnotize you and drill his words into your brain,
"You will be a wonderful mom, and I will gladly take on this new responsibility. I love you, and I love our child. I will always provide for you, darling. I will always be yours, and you will always be mine."
He finally has everything he ever wanted. A diamond ring is sparkling on your finger. Your belly will soon be swollen with his baby, showing everyone his claim on you. You will stay at home from now on, far away from anyone who could possibly steal you away from your husband.
And if you decide to return to work one day, Megumi will just knock you up again. He is obviously quite skilled at fucking a baby into you, and he will do it as often as the circumstances require it.
Yes, Megumi finally has everything he ever wanted.
You.
Mine. Mine. Mine. Forever.
Thank you so much for reading my second story for Halloween 2023!! I am sorry that it got so long, but it was so much fun to write Megumi's descent into madness ;)
I hope you enjoyed Yandere!Megumi!! Please let me know what you think. Comments and reblogs would be very sweet!!
Once again, thank you so much to Loni for hosting this super fun Halloween Collab!! I could finally write this story after having it in my drafts for two years!!
#megumi x reader#megumi x you#megumi smut#fushiguro x reader#fushiguro x you#fushiguro smut#jjk x reader#jjk smut#tw dark content#tw yandere#tw pregnancy
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I don't wanna sit here and act like I'm a professional or anything, because I'm not, but as someone who has had to do a lot of work to overcome trauma and reconfigure my brain more or less from the ground up, there's a lot I have to say about Solas's mental state
We know that Solas was essentially used and abused by Mythal for millennia. Even if he wasn't under a geas, he was twisted from his purpose by being made to fight, and then created the Wolf's Fang which was used to make the Titans tranquil and started the Blights. He made those choices himself, but it's important to understand that no choice is ever made in a vacuum. She took advantage of his vulnerability when he was given a body after however long as a spirit semi-existing peacefully in the Fade, and moulded him into a weapon.
He is broken, because Mythal broke him. I'm not incapable of seeing why she did what she did because like I said, no one makes choices in a vacuum and I could write about her for a long time too (in a similar way to how I have had to do myself in my own life in understanding why others abused me). He was so traumatised by everything that happened and he was trauma bonded to Mythal pretty much from the minute he gained a body. Trauma bonds are not about love. He definitely interpreted it that way, as most people do, but that's the weapon abusers use to keep the victim under their control. Abuse abuse abuse show a scrap of love and then abuse some more. If I just take it, I'll get the love/attention I need. I will earn it, because love is suffering, and I have to suffer to earn getting my basic needs met from my family/friends. Mythal, as his creator, was the one who he would've attached to in a similar way to spirit Cole/human Cole.
Trauma bonds are pathological. Mythal made him believe that if he did as she asked, and kept supporting her, then eventually he would gain her favour and they would be able to free all the elves, and he'd be able to live according to his true nature, which is one where he doesn't have to fight. (Remember his personal quest in DAI? He actually kills the rebel mages for corrupting his friend--another Wisdom spirit--into Pride.) In reality, she was just using him. She always kept the bone just out of reach for her lapdog. The line from Rook where they say (paraphrasing here) 'you know, I was actually excited about getting your approval... That's how you do it, isn't it? Keep giving little scraps of approval to keep someone loyal, and then you turn around and betray them' is so telling too.
Where--or from whom--do you think he learned to do this?
It literally reeks of a pathological trauma bond and honestly, with how isolated, 'grim and fatalistic' Solas is, it is not a surprise that he's so broken.
Solas, essentially, is little more than a lap-dog to Mythal. He followed her like a lost puppy, because especially in his early days, that's kind of what he was. You have to remember that most of the insight we get about Mythal is from Solas's perspective, and he is not a reliable person when it comes to her after so long being repeatedly terrorised and twisted and manipulated. There are several instances where he describes being betrayed by her, and mentions some of the things she did, but he never quite holds her fully accountable and ends up directing his rage elsewhere. (The parallel between Mythal/Solas and the rebel mages/Wisdom is important here.)
This awesome post by @mythalism only reinforces this. He is so messed up in that scene, he is broken, he is holding the Wolf's Fang up, trying to give it to her because it symbolises the burden he has carried for thousands of years trying to avenge her death. He never wanted the Fang, like he never wanted a body. Mythal just stands over him, fully aware of what she did to him, and only getting him to stop because Rook petitioned her successfully, and the reunion with the more benevolent Mythal within Morrigan tempered her anger. She was a goddess, with the unequal power dynamic, right to the end.
As a side note, on the potential romance element between Mythal and Solas, I read an excellent breakdown of it on Reddit a while ago about how out of character it would've been for Solas to keep something like that from a romanced Lavellan, especially in Trespasser when he comes clean about his plan/past. I can't find it now because it was pre-Veilguard release, but it made a lot of sense to me. Solas and Lavellan never have a love scene in DAI because Solas didn't want to 'lay with them under false pretences'. Lying about who you are when sleeping with someone is nonconsensual. You can't consent to sleeping with someone if you don't know their true identity, and someone who knowingly lies about who they are to get into your pants is a sexual predator. For someone who led a slave rebellion (no doubt many of them being sex slaves), and a former spirit of Wisdom, Solas would've been well aware of this. In the unsent letter from Solas to Lavellan he says he came so close to breaking and desperately wanted to stay with them as Solas, with the implication being that that is where he planned to sleep with them once he'd come clean. But because he stops, because he's still unable to forgive himself or release himself from his trauma bond with Mythal, he breaks away, and they never have sex.
Bottom line: Solas would've been honest about it. Especially that. As the Inquisitor says, he can't lie about his heart.
And it's why the Solas/Lavellan romance is so powerful because quote, 'you change everything'. Solas thought he knew what love was, that love was loyalty, devotion, worship, etc. It's not just his plans or worldview that Lavellan changes. Lavellan sees him for who he is, without the mantle of Dread Wolf, and because of that he's able to express his true nature to her, even if he's not being totally honest in Inquisition. Lavellan got much closer to the real him than most, as he says, and changed his understanding of love completely. Unfortunately, he has unfinished business, an unresolved trauma bond, and his crushing sense of duty to the past is what keeps him from taking that final step towards letting go of it entirely. Trick also says Solas doesn't think he deserves love, which tbh is kind of a hallmark trait of people who have survived abuse.
And honestly? Call me a simp but I think he really was trying to get the Inquisitor to stop him. He saw himself being unable to let go because he was so broken and burdened by his guilt, and knew he couldn't save himself--was too proud to admit that he couldn't, because how pathetic does it make him look? And how could he stop now without rendering all the damage he'd wrought pointless? Yet here was someone who had changed him right down to his core, who understood him in a way few people ever had, whom he trusted, whom he loved in a way he hadn't loved anyone else before. It took him 'centuries' to build up rapport with the members of his rebellion. The man does not know how to form attachments without trauma, and suddenly he forms a strong one with someone who loves him completely and without condition. It's a jarring change.
Lavellan says that maybe they're being prideful themselves, refusing to see their own folly. But I think in admitting that they might be wrong, that it might be wishful thinking borne from misguided love to a truly terrible person, they've rendered the point moot. It shows self-awareness, which isn't folly.
If anyone can make Solas understand true love, it's Lavellan. Lavellan loved him when he was being his true self. Lavellan loved him after his betrayal was revealed. Lavellan loved him when his guilty conscience and terrible actions almost destroyed the world. Lavellan loved him because they knew the real him, and knew that his heart and spirit were broken, and knew that their love would endure, that their love would heal him.
And that's exactly where they end up. Healing the past, soothing the Blight, and loving one another completely.
#i'll shut up about solas one day but that day is not today#solas#lavellan#solavellan#mythal#dragon age spoilers#datv#datv spoilers#dragon age
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