#that misha knew and might have ad libbed it in

[deanwasalwaysbi]

Dean's nothing about our lives is real speech? When he says "everything we are is because of chuck"? He was speaking privately & directly to Castiel when he said that.

Not to Sam. Not everything I am. Everything we are. Dean was having a full on crisis.

"You asked, 'What about all of this is real?' We are." Dean didn't know how right Cas was.

Like no baybee. It'll take 15 episodes, but god himself will tell you Cas defied him and his plan to love you, actually.

[breaking-up-with-cockles]

A few weeks ago some cool people on here shared some of their theories on what in the world that weird J2M panel from JIB 8 was actually about and I thought I would throw my tinhat in the ring and share what’s been cooking in my own brain box. I have to admit though that it is so hard to watch with the sound on. For actors, they sure are bad at whatever that was. Especially Jensen. But I gotta tell you, that clusterfuck sorta makes sense if you view it from a crazy Cockles’ tinhat perspective. Just saying. I also made some shitty gifs to help illustrate and I used these videos as sources [ x, x, x ].

First off, I do agree that it looks suspicious that Misha intentionally avoided hugging Jensen at the beginning. But Jensen doesn’t appear all that bothered by it imo, and I'm convinced that if he was bothered by not receiving a hug from Misha, he would have shown it in some other way besides fetching the bae a drink. 

I also think that Jared knew exactly what he was doing. After he hugged Misha he dove straight into the story before any of them had sat down or could begin the usual changing of the guard pleasantries. And neither Misha nor Jensen appeared shocked or unprepared for that. In fact, looking at Misha's body language, it looked like he knew it was coming and waiting for impact. Jensen and Jared looked neutral if not excited about it. What actually came to my mind was something the three of them have said jokingly for the past couple of years. It looked like "someone lost a bet" and in this case, it was Misha. Or maybe it wasn't designed to make Misha look foolish. Like maybe it was just a fun J2M story that they all agreed they would talk about. I don't know, but imo it looked like something that was planned that quickly went off the rails.  

Jared started the story talking about filming hours, but when he got to the house and the number of bedrooms, as @jensensitive mentioned in this post, there is this moment where it appears as though Jensen silently urged Jared to remember it was a four-bedroom house and to lie about it.  And Jared did. He played along, but when he did, he did something weird. He pointed with his middle finger and motioned with his nodding head to both Jensen and Misha. It's subtle but you can see that he pointed behind Misha, where Jensen was sitting, rather than following Misha along his linear path. 

This is probably subconscious on Jared's part and it might not be anything at all, but if Jared was pointing at both of them, then maybe it means Jensen and Misha rented the house together or Jensen was involved in some way in Misha’s plans when he rented it. Obviously, if they were in a relationship, that would make sense.  

After that things started going sideways. Poor Misha fucked up, and it was the beginning of the end of the fun:

Misha: That was a little bit of a bait and switch. I was like ‘guys I've got this bli- huge place, might as well come st- come stay’ and then Jensen went – you– you got up early. He played some golf. He went early to throw his bag in and he was like how many bedrooms did you say this place had?  Cuz it was two bedrooms?

So this is a mess. Especially if Misha was just recalling something that actually happened. He misspoke, repeated himself, messed up pronouns, and altered the pitch and speed of his speech, which when all clustered together, are all highly indicative of an anxious, deceptive person. So yeah, I think Misha was weird there because he was lying to cover up something. *cough*cockles*cough* 

My theory is that Misha was gonna say something else that would have outed them, but while he was talking he realized this in mid-sentence, so he had to change his story and it got messy. When he originally said Jensen got up early, he was actually talking about Jensen waking up early in the morning, rather than getting up to the house before anyone else did, which was the implication. And is “got up” supposed to be “drove up”? Plus he later changed it to “he went early”, which I mean that is some really ugly wording from the poet/wordsmith/grammar technician if that is what he meant. 

Just to be clear though, what I’m saying is that I think Jensen getting up early means he and Misha were sleeping in the same bed after a night of fuck-filled passion and Jensen woke up before Misha did. But since Misha and Jensen are in a secret relationship and he shouldn't have said that, Misha clumsily improvised and he lied. And as liars tend to do, especially when they slip up, Misha overcorrected and added unnecessary information to make it sound more convincing. In this case, it was the extraneous details about getting up there early to golf and Jensen throwing his bag in, which actually has me asking more questions like did he meet and check in with the VRBO host before Misha did? Where was Misha? But when Misha was talking about the early golf stuff, Jensen looked down and started sifting through his memories trying to figure out what the hell Misha was talking about. 

I think Misha was trying to cover his ass and get Jensen on board with him. Isn’t it interesting though how Misha kept conferring with or looking to Jensen for confirmation about the story of the house instead of Jared? As if Jensen was more involved in the process than Jared was? At least that's what it looked like to me.

After Misha’s initial flub, they all tried to get on the same page but failed. Instead, all three of them stepped in it. Here’s the dumb convo:

Misha: Cuz it was two bedrooms? 

Jensen: At most

Misha: At most. That's stretching it.

Jensen: It was two bedrooms one of the bed- be-

(Jared and Misha point at each other and speak at the same time)

Jared:  I ended up sleeping on the floor

Misha: On the floor next to -

Jensen: He slept on the floor next to his- the bed that he slept in. I don't know what happened. I was in the other room.

Misha: You were resting after what we'd been through.  

Jensen: I needed it.

Jared and Misha fucked up first. They both said at the same time that Jared slept on the floor, but Misha didn’t stop talking when Jared did. He continued and added the incomplete prepositional phrase, “on the floor next to -”. On the floor next to what, Misha?! My theory is that Jensen was freaked out by this and awkwardly finished it for Misha by ad-libbing that Jared “slept on the floor next to his-” but he paused, started over and said, “the bed that he slept in”. But that self-edit of Jensen’s is so unnatural. What did Jared actually sleep next to? Plus is Jensen saying that he alone slept in the master bedroom in at least a queen sized bed and he made Jared and Misha (the guy who supposedly rented the place) sleep in the tiny room together? It didn’t sound like Jensen was sleeping in the tiny room. It just doesn’t add up. 

Obviously, if Cockles was real, it would make more sense. Jared probably slept on the floor in the tiny room, probably on an inflatable mattress, and the couple got the master with the big bed. But even if I didn't believe Cockles was real, the fact that Jared volunteered the info that he had to sleep on the floor right after both Jensen and Misha were bemoaning the tiny size of one of the rooms, suggests to me that that's why Jared brought up sleeping on the floor, to begin with. It’s the way conversations and thoughts generally work. He was reminded of sleeping on the floor in that tiny room because they were discussing how tiny the tiny room was. 

I have a theory about this tiny room though. Since J2M claimed it would be stretching it to call one of the rooms a “bedroom", maybe that tiny room wasn’t a bedroom at all. I mean technically it was a bedroom but maybe the VRBO host had that tiny room set up or furnished to function as something else, like an office. So when Jared had to sleep on the floor and Misha was saying "on the floor next to -", maybe the sentence would have actually been finished with something like "my computer" or "my desk". After all, later in the panel when the three of them were telling the phone call story between Jared and the host, they said that after unplugging the phone lines, Misha had to sprint upstairs to where Jared was because he realized he left him alone with his computer where Jared was already tweeting on Misha’s twitter. Plus Jensen said that wherever Jared was sleeping and snoring, it was just down the hall from where he, himself, was sleeping. Therefore, presumably, both the master bedroom and the teeny tiny “bedroom” are both on the same floor then, which I think means that the tiny room could be an office where Misha kept his computer and Jared slept on an inflatable mattress.  

Anyway, back to panic-stricken Jensen ad-libbing Jared sleeping on the floor next to the bed Misha slept in, which Jensen made so much worse and more awkward when he implied something sexual happened between Jared and Misha. But watch Jared after Jensen insinuated that Jared and Misha were getting busy in their own room. That obviously didn’t happen and it didn’t need to be said. Jensen is the one that made it about sex first. 

But Misha, I guess wanting to tease Jensen and put him on the spot in retaliation for what he just said about him and Jared, ignored the lie and threw Jensen under the bus instead. Misha then implied that Jensen was in the other room recuperating after their strenuous sexual activities. 

But let’s talk about Jensen’s reaction to this. In that post of theories @dimples-of-discontent��described Jensen’s eye-contact, his nodding, and his smile perfectly as though he and Misha have “got a secret”. (gif src 👀) 

I agree that there was definitely something secretive going on between them there. Personally, with the intense stare, I kinda think Jensen might have been trying to communicate to Misha something like “don’t do it, dude”  but as Misha kept on going, I think part of the meaning behind Jensen’s nodding was possibly “yup, we fucked and you’re really gonna say it, aren’t ya”.  And as we all know, Misha kinda did, much to Jensen’s disappointment and our delight. Even though the audience was laughing, and it appeared that Jensen was bent over laughing too, I just don’t think his was genuine.

I don’t think that was genuine laughter because Jensen’s face and forehead are too tense. For a smile and laughter to be authentic, the forehead needs to be relaxed and the muscles around the mouth and eyes must both be engaged, but those specific eye muscles on Jensen aren’t. And also for laughter to be real, the smile has to linger. We have seen Jensen do that a lot when he is around Misha, but that ain’t happening here. His smile quickly faded and he bit his tongue and lip, contracted his forehead muscles, and expressed a mouth of fear (a pulling laterally and down of the mouth) after saying “I needed it”. 

Jensen isn’t happy here and I think Misha knew it. When Jensen bent over and Jared whispered something, Misha looked at both of them and there was a moment of stillness when he realized just how badly he fucked up. The poor guy even silently whispered “Oops” while anxiously wringing his mic. He timidly looked back over at Jensen to see how he was reacting. Look at him say oops! He looks so flustered and guilty, regretting his choices. 

So after that, Jared was gonna do what Jensen couldn’t and try to get everything back on track by ignoring Misha’s statement and just carrying on:

Jared: Umm, so  so yeah we filmed to like three or four.

Misha: How much of this story are we going to tell?

Jared: We're telling it all

Misha: We're editing as we go though.

Jared:   We shouldn't tell it.

Misha: Not all of it.

Jared:   You know what guys I think that's all for us.

Jensen: I think- I think we're done. I think we got to go. And we were so close.

Jared: Daniela is telling us we got to go.

Misha: So I get upstairs in the morning

This is an emotional turning point in the panel. After Jared said, “we’re telling it all”, Jensen started effusively shaking his head no with a “let’s not” face, which I’m pretty sure Jared saw because he quickly pulled a 180° and insisted they had better get off stage instead. Jensen, eager to get off stage, was like “shoot, if only there was more time to continue this stumble down memory lane, guys”. At that time though, Misha started fiddling with his bracelet, hard-swallowing, breathing through tight lips, and tonguing the inside of his mouth. He was sweatin’.

Jared blamed Daniela and it looked like he and Jensen were gonna leave the stage until Misha continued the story, stressing “In the morning” while sharing a meaningful look with Jared. He took a pause, scratched his face, and it looked like he and Jared had a silent conversation where Misha was silently pleading “help me out here, buddy”.

Jared picked up on it and sided with Misha so he did another 180° and continued the story...

...which pissed off Jensen. 

He rolled his eyes at Misha and I’m pretty sure Misha noticed because he quickly looked away and down and pacified himself by licking the inside of his mouth some more. Then Misha stood up to fuss with the fan, which probably helped him regulate his emotions.

I think Jensen might have been having a conversation in his head or deciding something because gears were turning and his facial expressions were not matching up with what Jared was talking about when he restarted the story, which was something about drinking to celebrate the end of season 12. Jensen is not happy at all. In fact, he is jutting his jaw forward in the first gif, which is indicative of anger, and his lower lip was pouting. 

Jensen was looking down, until what I guess, was when he decided to rescue the panel by enacting what he thought was the perfect cover-up. He chimed in with some unbelievable and self-contradictory statement about how since there were so few places to sleep in the house anyway, they decided to just stay up all night and forego sleep.  When he finished what he was saying, he was looking directly at Misha to communicate something, but it looked like Misha was purposely avoiding his glare, which didn’t help Jensen’s mood. 

To make matters worse, Jared helpfully added: “so we stayed up, went to bed” which made a mockery of what Jensen said. Plus Misha begrudgingly played along with what Jared was implying and gave him a high-five. Jared laughed an impish laugh, but if you look at Misha, he was not completely enjoying the teasing that they were inflicting and it could be because neither was Jensen because he was getting ganged up on. At least that’s what I see.

So I guess as another attempt to rewrite what Misha implied about them sexing it up, Jensen completely contradicted what he just said about not sleeping and said that Jared was snoring, which happens a lot when one is sleeping and not staying up all night. But Jensen, which I guess, either driven by self/cockles-preservation or revenge, ignored the lifeline Jared threw him when Jared asked, “is this the night or the day of”, and instead of getting off the topic of night-time sleeping arrangements, Jensen carried on with the snoring bit. But Jensen made it real weird when he added that animal thing, right? Jared also brought up how sick he was (which makes it even more unlikely that Misha slept in the same room as him) and Jensen, undeterred, pushed on: “Jared was snoring so loud from down the hall in a closed door bedroom it woke me up and I'm like how is Misha possibly sleeping in the same room”. We get it, you dink. You and Misha definitely never stayed in the same room together except you totally did and you suck at damage control:

Jensen: Jared was snoring so loud from down the hall  in a closed door bedroom it woke me up and I'm like how is Misha  possibly sleeping in the same room

Jared: Oh he had been put to the test the night before

Jensen: He can sleep through anything

Jared: No he woke up for -

Jensen: When you nudged him.

Jared: They're all like what's true whats not? I wanna believe. No, so...

When Jared said, “oh he’d been put to the test the night before”, I think he’s talking about Jensen having some fun with Misha while he was sleeping. And not like that cute Sandra Bullock romcom from the 90s either, although I do love me some Bill Pullman. I mean more like they wake each other up in the middle of the night to bone. And I think Jared knows this about them. Maybe they told him or maybe he ‘s heard them in the middle of the night going at it, but it amused Jensen. Until he remembered he’s crap at this lying thing, which is when he again made it about Jared and Misha. He said, “yeah, when you nudged him”. He is so bad at this.

And poor Misha. I don’t think he was saying much at this time because, for one, Jensen wouldn’t let him, and two, because he was upset about fucking up and having Jensen mad at him. Which is hilarious considering Jensen was the one that made everything so much fucking worse. They are messy and I love them.

Luckily Jared had the perfect solution to this clusterfuck when he called us shippers out for wanting to believe. Well, he called some shippers out. Mishalecki shippers out? It’s hard to tell really. But it was nice and suspicious that both Jensen and Misha were able to laugh together in that moment. Finally, the panel shifted again into a more relaxed, fun tone. Misha could finally unclench, breathe, and get on with the story that I think he thought they were going to tell to begin with. 

I think others covered the second half of their panel really well so I won’t get into it, but I totally agree with the theory that Jensen and Misha were having shower sex. I also think Jared and Misha didn’t let Jensen talk because he had already fucked up the first half. Clearly, he could not be trusted.

And that’s my not quite but almost brief breakdown of what I think was going on in the first half of the J2M panel. Sorry for the wordy tinhatting and the crazy, but apparently, some people don’t mind like @savannadarkbaby  ;)

And as a side-note, can I just say that I love Jared for describing the house as “architectured”. “Architectured” is a made-up word that Donald Trump’s daughter, Ivanka, used a lot in her book and in interviews that came out in 2017. Jared was mocking the idiot Trumps and it was glorious.

[kiteroid]

did you see min grifting again using the spanish voice actor's interview? the actor said the director added dean's reciprocation and now she and the interview woman are trying to drag it out even more

Yes, unfortunately, I did see that. I’m still tracking down the info on this, but here’s a rundown of what I’ve got so far:

luxshine, who arranged this panel, is in occamshipper’s/POLOL’s periphery (for how long? who knows. as long as she’s been useful prob). Here’s an excerpt of some relevant bits from the panel:

ADA (TRANSLATOR): Yes – [switching to Spanish to ask Guillermo] You’re breaking the Internet one more time. They’re asking whether the original script said something about Dean’s feelings for Cas–

GUILLERMO: No, never [Shaking his head]

ADA (TRANSLATOR): –or was it all added by the director, by [Adrian] Fogarty?

GUILLERMO: [Spanish] No, no, no, so the script, the original script we never had any indication that would tell you he was in love or that he reciprocated or that he knew, no, not at all. Really that phrase is what wrapped up the entire series.

(from this post. emphasis OP’s)

tl;dr There was no reciprocation from Dean in the original script. Adrian Fogarty (the dubbing director) added it in because he felt it fit the story.  Straightforward, right?

Well, straightforward = yes. What people wanted to hear = no. 

So, luxshine (and occamshipper) is on a mission to contact Adrian Fogarty to get the right (read: desired) answer. In the panel, Guillermo mentioned the “original script” had “yo también” in it that was then changed to “y yo a ti” to better match the character’s lip movements. 

INTERVIEWER “Do you know what Dean said in the original script before Fogarty got his hands on it?”

“Yes, of course. It made allusions to that. (Fogarty) made the right translation. It said and so do I or me too or something like that. It said it in the (original) script.

(from this post)

He didn’t specify which script was “the original script”, but seeing as he specifically mentioned the original script “never had any indication that would tell you he was in love or that he reciprocated or that he knew”, you can logically assume he was talking about their translation of the script, not the OG Dabb script.

luxshine wants you to know this isn’t about proving some big CW conspiracy (it just looks like a conspiracy, she says), but she is speculating wildly that there could possibly be an audio version where Jensen ad-libbed a “Me too” out there as the original-original script also doesn’t include a textual “Me too.” If you want to believe, this might sound plausible enough, but remember: Misha already pointed toward a rogue translation as an explanation (and was called a liar) + we know Jensen’s reactions were cut; he’s never said lines were cut. 

As for “Me too” audio rumor, the same transcript I quoted above has this bit directly after:

INTERVIEWER: “When you heard the english version while you recorded yours, did you hear Dean say I love you too?”

MEMO: “No. If I would have, I would have taken the earphone out and gone what the fuck? *laughs*”

(emphasis mine)

But how could a dubbing director fundamentally change the meaning of a scene? Lack of quality control:

INTERVIEWER “Do you know if Supernatural has a quality review for the dubbing through Warner Bros?” MEMO: “I would be lying to you if I said yes, but I have been working for WB (LatAM) for many years as both an actor and director. And there is some specific material where they do have “filters”, but with something like supernatural I doubt it. I would assume the one left in charge of all decisions was our director (Fogarty).”

With all that, we can say the quest to prove there is audio of Jensen ad-libbing a “Me too” somewhere is a doomed one. Plus, she’s already conceded that the original-original script had no reciprocity. Then why are they dragging his out?

I don’t want to speculate too much about luxshine’s side of things, but I’m pretty sure occamshipper is clinging to this because 1) not having this conspiracy means she’s not relevant anymore, and 2) she doesn’t want to admit to being wrong. If she admits she was wrong about this people might start looking at her other unfulfilled promises. 

Speaking of unfulfilled promises: Mexican Destiel is dead! Long live Brazilian Destiel!

[movietvtechgeeks]

Latest story from https://movietvtechgeeks.com/lynn-zubernis-talks-supernatural-experiences-family-dont-end-blood/

Lynn Zubernis talks her 'Supernatural' experiences and Family Don't End With Blood

Lynn Zubernis is quite well known in the Supernatural world and a very visible member of the #SPNFamily, but we know her for her amazingly in-depth recap reviews and interviews. We've loved having her part of the Movie TV Tech Geeks family, so we're proud to talk about her latest book "Family Don't End With Blood: Cast and Fans on How Supernatural Has Changed Their Lives." You can grab your copy here (yes our shameless plug!) We recently published exclusive excerpt's from her latest book, and you can see that here. Keep watching as we'll be running a series of the best of Lynn's Supernatural interviews with new introductions from her. Since she's spent so many years asking fans and the stars of Supernatural their innermost thoughts and secrets, we thought it only fair to give her the same treatment. So, get to know the woman who has tirelessly given Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, Misha Collins and countless other Supernatural fans, friends and cast members plenty of support and media attention

Did you discover Supernatural right when it began or after?

Yes and no. I had a friend who heard about the show at Comic Con and knew she was going to love it from the preview she saw there. She started watching it when it premiered, loved it as expected, and then set about trying to convince all the rest of her friends (including me) to watch it too. When we would have “girls weekends” she would bring VHS tapes (hey, it was 2005) and “make” us all watch Supernatural. I thought it was a good show, but it didn’t bowl me over at first. I watched it sporadically through its first season but wasn’t a ‘fan,' just a casual viewer. Then, early in Season 2, one night I was grading papers with the tv on in the background, watching Supernatural so I could chat knowledgeably with my friend. I suddenly realized that I was just sitting there, red pen hovering in the air, so transfixed by what was on the screen that I hadn’t graded anything in twenty minutes. I actually turned to my daughter and said “Ohmygod, this is the BEST show ever! How did I not realize that?” My daughter (clearly thinking I’d lost my mind): “Mom, you’ve been watching this show for a year…” It’s true. But something suddenly clicked for me. The moment that did it was Dean and Sam leaning on the Impala, parked at a gorgeous mountain pass when Dean breaks down and gets emotional for the first time. He was so anguished, and Sam, in turn, was so anguished in empathy. I suddenly realized these characters were way more complex than I’d given them credit for. And oh wow, those actors were really kinda attractive too. Huh.

What about it appealed to you so much?

I think it was the emotionality that they weren’t afraid to portray. I watched ‘Born Under A Bad Sign’ shortly after, and was once again blown away by Jared and Jensen’s acting. Possessed Sam was a revelation, both when he menaces Jo and later when he tortures his brother. The fact that Dean wouldn’t fight back, and then later hauled off and punched his no-longer-possessed brother, struck me as so real and so compelling (the first Ackles ad lib I noticed, which I now delight in trying to figure out). It was especially rare at the time to find a show that allowed its male leads to express so much emotion, certainly not for each other. But because Sam and Dean were brothers, they got a pass, and the result was a relationship that was fascinating and endlessly inspiring. Here were two brothers who really would die for each other, and that got me by the heartstrings. (It still has me by the heartstrings over a decade later). The chemistry between the two actors was off the charts from day one, bringing the depth of that relationship to life in an extraordinary way. Interestingly, it wasn’t until I’d fallen for the Show and the characters that I even noticed that Jared and Jensen were somewhat attractive. Once I noticed, I didn’t forget it again though. Another wave of new fans were drawn to the show with the addition of Misha Collins as Castiel in Season 4. Castiel was another fascinating character, and his status as the perpetual outsider who always felt a little different and set apart really spoke to many fans. (Many of us define ourselves as unique as well). Misha also was the first to tap into the fandom’s creativity and passion to help do good in the world, which spread to the entire SPN Family, cast and fandom alike.

Was there anything going on in your life at the time that made the show feel like it was speaking to you? Many fans talk about something life changing happening to them and how the show has helped them weather the storm.

I was in the midst of a lot of change. My children were going through some transitions, I was thinking of changing jobs (still a psychologist, but from clinical practice to being a professor) and was in a relationship that wasn’t all that fulfilling. None of those things at the time were cataclysmic, but there was a lot of uncertainty. I don’t like change, and I was faced with a lot of it. I think, looking back, that becoming passionate about something else—like a television show—was a helpful fantasy escape for 42 minutes a week. Once I discovered the fan community, that was even more helpful—like a built in therapy group I could access at the touch of a button. Through the fandom support, I got back in touch with my own creativity and self-expression, which had gotten lost and put on the back burner to being a mom and a partner and a therapist. Who had time for things like self-expression? There’s no denying that the message of the show is an inspiring one also. The Winchesters and Cas have been through more than most of us will ever have to face, and they still keep getting up and going on. During challenging times, that’s a very helpful message. #AlwaysKeepFighting. I’ve needed to hear it sometimes, just like most of us have.

Were you surprised to find out how devoted its fanbase was?

Absolutely. I had never been part of an organized fandom, so I didn’t even know that online fan communities existed, let alone for a little-known show on a little-known network! I knew how devoted I had become, so it was a tremendous relief to find that there were lots of other people out there who were thinking and feeling the same things that I was about this show. And who were also creative and passionate and wanting to share that passion openly with like-minded others. Once I started going to conventions, I started to realize that this was a unique fandom—and a unique group of actors too. I think we used the phrase “lightning in a bottle” early on, and others started to use it about the show too, to describe both the chemistry between the actors and how passionate the show’s fans were.

What inspired you to write the first book, and did you think it might be a great way to meet other fans like yourself plus the stars of the show?

At first, that wasn’t our thought at all. I’m a psychologist, so I’m endlessly fascinated by what makes people do the things they do and feel the things they feel. That goes for myself too. So when (usually level headed, briefcase carrying, serious-minded) me was suddenly spending hours every night scouring the internet for pictures of Jared and Jensen and Supernatural fanfiction, my first thought was OMG what is happening to me?! I started to do research with the goal of figuring that out, along with fellow professor Kathy Larsen. We started out talking to other fans, collecting data as it were. Then we wondered how the “other side” felt about this whole fandom thing—did they value it? Think it was crazy? Were they a little scared? Once again, the best way to figure that out seemed to be to ask. So, naively, we started picking up the phone and just asking. We blundered our way into conversations with then writer Sera Gamble (who wanted to talk to us writer to writer), writer Betsy Morris (who had penned the indie film Ten Inch Hero, starring Jensen Ackles and Danneel Harris) and actor Jim Beaver (who answered his own phone).  The conversation with Jim was thoroughly fascinating, and he was amazingly kind and welcoming—he welcomed us right into his house to spend three hours in his living room drinking homemade iced tea and talking about EVERYTHING. Sera and Betsy became correspondence pals; I think because we were all writers. Betsy introduced us to Danneel (now Ackles), and she was so kind and welcoming too that we were encouraged to just keep on talking to these people. I realize now that we were incredibly lucky and just happened to start out with some of the nicest people I’ve ever met. We make fun of ourselves in ‘Fangasm Supernatural Fangirls’ for writing a book to “get to meet the actors” but the first book, “Fandom At The Crossroads,” really wasn’t about that. Crossroads is an academic book that tried to answer those early questions. Did we later develop a never-talked-about semi-unconscious goal of trying to meet the elusive Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki? Absolutely. I mean, we had questions to ask.

Has there been a specific low point in your life that Supernatural has helped you get through?

Just recently, yes. My dad passed away at the end of last year quite suddenly. I was very close to him, and his loss hit me very hard. When I got the news, I was literally walking in the door of a Supernatural convention. And while that might seem like not the best place to be for such news, it turned out to be a godsend. I walked in, and the Creation convention staff immediately knew there was something wrong. I told one or two, and they swung into action. They checked me in, got a wristband on me even though it was late and registration was closed, made sure I had something to drink and some Advil. They escorted me into the auditorium where the traditional Saturday evening concert (the “Saturday Night Special”) was about to start and walked me to my seat, then checked on me periodically. I was sort of in shock and just wanted to sit back and immerse myself in the music and in the company of my fellow fans, many of whom are now good friends. I wanted to listen to the beautiful music of Louden Swain and friends and give my brain a chance to process the information I’d just gotten before I called my kids and the rest of the family. There is a moment during the concert when actor Matt Cohen often leaps off the stage and runs through the audience, standing on chairs and getting us all riled up and in the spirit. That night, Matt jumped down and came straight over to me, threw his arms around me and whispered in my ear “I’m so sorry. You know we all love you.” It was a simple gesture, but it meant so much. Later that night and the next day, most of the actors found a moment to say the same thing. Including the show’s leads, who you would expect to be too busy with a hectic schedule to think about such things. They made me cry for the first time with the strength of their hugs, but it was a good cry. I won’t forget that phone call, of course, but because it’s also wrapped up with such an expression of love and caring—from such an unlikely source—that it eases the memory even now. That’s what SPNFamily – and Family Don’t End With Blood – is all about.

As you cover so many Supernatural Cons and are traveling so much, does it ever cause any conflicts within your own family?

Sometimes. Especially early on, when my children were younger and not at all happy about mom taking off for the weekend. Kathy and I used to take turns being on the phone with a disgruntled child, then cry on each other’s shoulders about it when we hung up. There were some disgruntled partner conversations too. Once the books started to be published, the legitimacy of the research and the writing and the con-going made things easier. But is it still a source of conflict sometimes.

What have you learned most about fan culture in researching your books?

How unique fandom is as a community, and how valuable. For many of us, but especially for women, there is a strong message not to be yourself—to put on a façade and be whatever is socially acceptable. Fandom knocked that norm on its head. Fandom said, be who you really are, even if you’re pretty sure you are absolutely WEIRD. Be it anyway—and damned if you won’t find a whole bunch of other people who instead of saying “You’re weird” will jump up and down and say “Oh yay, me too!” That was life changing for me. I got to be myself and to find lifelong friends who liked that real self just fine. It helped me start to be that real self in the rest of my “real” life too. That’s not to say there isn’t conflict in fandom. It’s a group—and while groups bring us belongingness, which we have an evolutionary need for—they also bring hierarchies and jockeying for positions of power and intra and inter-group conflict. That’s why we have Sam fans and Dean fans and Cas fans and shippers of every possible combination, and sometimes it seems like these groups of people can’t possibly be part of the same fandom. With great passion comes great investment, so everyone wants the story to go their way. Some of that is inevitable, but it doesn’t erase all the wonderful healthy things about fandom. I have friends in every single camp and cherish them all.

When you began writing about Supernatural, were the PR people at the show helpful or did you have to find your own ways to get access to people like Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki and Misha Collins?

They were hugely helpful in the beginning. They were at first very interested in our book. Nobody else had really taken an interest in the show at the time, so two professors who wanted to write a whole book about it was their best shot at somebody trying to keep it on the air (it was at the time constantly on the verge of cancellation). They invited us to the set and everyone on the set was unbelievably kind—they were all so proud of their show and their part in making it that everyone, one by one, came up to introduce themselves and then offer to show us exactly what they did. We met the art director, the director of photography, the lovely man who wrangles the cars, the props person—everyone! Jared and Jensen invited us into their trailers for candid conversation even though they’d been on set for an entire day and way into the night, and Misha met up with us at a local bar after filming was over. Everyone was absolutely lovely.  Unfortunately, we wanted to write a very different book than the one the studio wanted us to write—we wanted to tell what we saw as the real story of fandom and Supernatural, not the light and fluffy version. The sad thing is, that never meant that what we wanted to write wasn’t positive – it was even more powerful for its “realness” so that positivity actually rang true!  I’ll never really know what made them so nervous about what we were going to write, but they slammed the doors on us and decided they didn’t want to publish our book after all. At the time, we were crushed, but it turned out to be for the best. We got to tell the story we wanted to tell, and that so many fans have told us changed their lives over the years, which was the most important thing.

What would your advice be for the PR people at Supernatural who didn’t make it so easy for you with your interviews and books?

Like I said, it worked out, but it certainly wasn’t easy. And it made no sense! I’ve written five books on Supernatural and countless blog posts and articles and interviews on everything from NPR to The Conversation to Nylon to right here at MovieTVTechGeeks. I’ve spread the word about this show for ELEVEN YEARS, not because I was paid to do so, but because I genuinely wanted to, and without any help. Our books have reached tons of people, and the interviews and articles have reached countless more. That’s the kind of PR people pay tons of money for, and all that publicity was absolutely for free.  Why wouldn’t they want to facilitate that?  The actors and show creator Eric Kripke have all let us know that they recognize our significant contribution to keeping the show on the air, which is what means the most to me. But would it be nice to have some recognition from the studio? Yes. I have an entire blog and all those articles and books devoted to this particular show and don’t even get invited to the set visits for bloggers. With help, I could do even more for the Show. Isn’t that a win/win? FULL DISCLOSURE: We here at Movie TV Tech Geeks have encountered very similar experiences with the PR person at the CW Supernatural publicity department. Oddly enough, it's been easier to get interviews with people like Ben Affleck, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Ridley Scott and Dwayne Johnson than Jensen, Jared or Misha.

Can you say that Supernatural has changed your life like so many other fans?

Absolutely. I’ve told the actors this many times—I’ve even thanked them for their substantive contribution to helping me get tenure and promotion at my university with all my Supernatural psychology research. It has changed my professional life and also my personal life. I’m a different person now than I was when I discovered this show way back in 2007. More outspoken, more confident, more comfortable in my own skin and less willing to put on a façade instead of being myself. I’ve made friends who will be friends for life, with whom I’ve traveled the world and had more crazy wild wonderful experiences than I ever could have imagined having. I’ve shared what I’ve learned about this fandom and this show with the actors, which is part of the reason I think they wanted to contribute to the new book I have coming out next week, Family Don’t End With Blood: Cast and Fans on How Supernatural has Changed Lives. They know that they’ve been a part of something unique and special and that knowledge has changed them too. I was honored that they trusted me enough to write their personal stories for the new book and to let me shepherd them through the process of writing. It’s been a privilege to get to know them through the years, just as it’s been a privilege to get to know so many of my fellow fans.  After all, I wrote a chapter in the book too. It’s called “Fangirl”. [caption id="attachment_45241" align="aligncenter" width="640"] Photos: Courtesy of Lynn Zubernis[/caption] You can check out all of Lynn's books on Supernatural here, and if you're in Los Angeles on May 10, you can meet her and plenty of SPN fans and cast.

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[somanystars]

the implications that Dean was THE MOST TERRIFIED that his Non-Thing Thing TM with Cas was fake rather than literally anything else. more terrified of Cas being fake than Sam, his brother who he already KNOWS is the other main target of Chuck's plans, is SO. GAHHH.

Dean's nothing about our lives is real speech? When he says "everything we are is because of chuck"? He was speaking privately & directly to Castiel when he said that.

Not to Sam. Not everything I am. Everything we are. Dean was having a full on crisis.

"You asked, 'What about all of this is real?' We are." Dean didn't know how right Cas was.

Like no baybee. It'll take 15 episodes, but god himself will tell you Cas defied him and his plan to love you, actually.