#that means they're taken right?
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so what does it mean if a Cute Person says something was a gift when you compliment them on something nice they were wearing????????
#that means they're taken right?#i attempted to flirt at a trader joes#and clearly i was rejected#how do you people do this#nikki speaks
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If you're interested in textile art, please understand it will not end at one of the arts. Interested in weaving? There are many different types, so now you're learning about the culture these styles come from, and with that comes learning about their clothing. Now you're interested in learning how to sew clothing, and much of it has some kind of embroidery. So you do research and see how beautiful it is, and different types of embroidery exist. You decide to learn embroidery and get curious about lace because often they're seen together.
Prepare for a journey and get real good at organizing. You'll soon lose space because of supplies and tools.
#words from the artist#textile artist#textiles#i made macrame jewelry for over 20 years and burned out but i'm also in a family of quilters and found something new. now i make quilts#and have a huge interest in learning thread painting and embroidery. most importantly i want to learn how to make and repair my#own clothing. do you know how difficult it is to find clothing thag fits a curvy woman barely over five feet tall? apparently being short#means being skinny. i'm not nor are most short folks i know. plus i can never find anything with big bold bright prints or shorts not made#of denim and at knee-length but also baggy. the “shorts” i have are shorts on people over 5'6“. they're capris on me. the only way i will#ever have clothes i love is to make them myself. i also intend to decorate current and future clothing with embroidery.#and also learn sashiko and apply it to mending and handquilting. my right hand and wrist are what's stopping me from learning#knit or crochet and several other things. yup physical disabilities are why i haven't taken those on.
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ruthlessly deleting old 2021/2022 posts (not by me) from my dean studies tag like *click* un-incorporating that from my beliefs system! also the way SO many posts have me like ok uh-huh good aaand then say one completely wrong thing that loses me. it's so many posts.
#it's usually when they randomly drop some line of fanon. like saying dean has never admitted to being wrong in his life#or never expressed an emotion or been vulnerable or doesn't Talk About Feelings or is super duper RepressedTM#like i'm sorry. have you watched the show. oh and have you taken off the sammy POV goggles first?#bc this guy is always crying and being vulnerable and talking about his feelings. he is self-aware.#he may not always want to talk to sam abt things! but he sure does talk about things with other people#do i need to reblog the compilation posts AGAIN?#(also re: his sexualiy? AWARE. sorry i saw him flirt and be flustered by so many men. he knows how he feels.)#and then 'first time ever admitting to being wrong' this one came from a post abt dean's prayer in the trap#like i'm sorry but first of all. dean apologizes more than any other character on the show. there are hard numbers on this.#people have tracked this on spreadsheets. i think ilarual is one of them.#and often he is apologizing for things that aren't even his fault! but he still feels responsible for bc he's been made to feel that way#his whole life!!#other characters *cough samandcas *cough* apologizing Less doesn't mean they've Done less things wrong#it just means they're not owning up to it and brushing it under the rug. something both do frequently.#anyways. aside from apologies. dean also has no problem admitting he's wrong y'know when he's actually wrong#which is less often than you'd think bc he has pretty good instincts and intuition and often suspects things which turn out to be Right#but anyways. another thing abt the trap prayer is. i don't think cas Needed to be forgiven#i think dean was justified in feeling angry w cas over the circumstances leading to the Death of His Mother! totally normal grief response!#i think cas also understands dean to be someone who needs time to process and deal with his feelings (he says as much to jack)#however. despite me not think dean Needs to forgive cas. the thing is. with dean when it comes to cas the forgiveness is implicit#when he says /of course i forgive you/ and in the cut like /of course i wanted you to stay/ like. yes he was mad and dealing with grief#but also. yes cas was already forgiven even back then. he just needed Time to work through the feelings#anyways i think dean says he 'forgives' cas bc it's what CAS needed to hear to stop feeling guilty and dean gives him that closure#but i also think cas was already forgiven even in dean's anger. he wants him there always. i'd rather have you. we can fix this. etc etc#a lot of tags for a non-rebloggable post ajksdfs maybe i'll make these into a real post sometime#vic.txt#dean and feelings#so i can find this all again later
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#my Florida shirt just got taken down from Etsy for no fucking reason#Taylor's team just CHUCKED the book at me and fucking LIED in their report to Etsy about it#said I infringed on their trademarks for Lover 1989 and Reputation in their report#and I used.... NONE OF THOSE THINGS. NOT ONE.#that shirt has (obviously) nothing to do with any of those albums even#not in the metadata not in the tags not in the SEO nothing#and since it had no tags of those things it didn't pop up in a sweep and get auto-taken down. it was targeted by them & they manually did i#that design is SO by the book legally and bc of how successful it is I've worked VERY hard to make it that way. even in the SEO#and I mean everything in my shop I go out of my way to make legal but#like that is probably the most actually black and white legal piece of fan merch I've ever seen in my fucking life#but I can't fight back because if I fight back.. if they want it down the next option is prove to Etsy that they're SUING ME#so like. yeah not trying to fuck around and find out there#and that is awful for multiple reasons.#1. I have lost like 90% of my income for the rest of the year. I've grown to rely on income from that shirt as I should bc IT'S FINE#2. it's about to be the holidays. this makes 1 worse and also - people will be searching for this shirt bc it's on ppls holiday wishlists#they now won't be able to find mine#and will therefore google it and buy one of the MILLION FUCKING STOLEN VERSIONS WHICH ARE STILL UP BY THE WAY#and 3. I can't even have these stolen versions taken down anymore because I don't have a leg to stand on since the real thing now doesn't-#exist to prove it's mine#I want to fucking throw up like idk how to do anything other than be sobbing in a fucking ball on the floor#like this is probably the 2nd worst thing that has happened to me in my life lmao#like this shirt was single-handedly paying my rent every month and I had other income but. that shirt was my cushioning#my whole Etsy shop is FUCKED without it like absolutely fucked it was carrying the whole entire thing#I'm scared to upload or DO anything else w my Etsy even because if they just made up lies to get that shirt down#then I am SURE they've got something against me or my shop#and like fucking WHY I work so hard to make everything FAIR AND RIGHT#I worked so fucking hard on that shirt that thing was like my child like my actual full pride and joy#I want to scream I don't even know what to do with myself#it feels like someone just shoved me into a room shut the lights off locked the door and threw away the key#that shirt has been like probably the proudest achievement of my life like no joke and everything I've put into it & my Etsy just got kille
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this expression rook makes sometimes where they press their lips together to smile and it's all rueful and fond in a way that looks like it hurts a bit. cry if you agree
#the quality of expression animation fluctuates a bit throughout the game (I mean. of course it fucking does. do you realize#just how much of it is needed in this thing it's fucking *insane*)#but there are so many small nuances of it scattered here and there that have SUCH an impact to me#rook animates so specifically in some ways they're like. a set dude. a person. with certain trends of expression#and I really like that#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#bellara is the one person rye doesn't let the snark out with *most* of the time b/c he saw how much it hurts her to not be taken seriously#and not have her pain or fear be taken seriously. and was like 'I would rather cut my own hand off than intentionally hurt you in any way#I guess I'll have to *shudders delicately* be perfectly earnest for a moment.#none of the rest of you get used to it this is bellara only privileges time'#this is a rare moment of 'literally I cannot think about this today bellara this is what I'm capable of giving right now.#would you care for some carefully curated denial in these troubling times I've worked really hard on it'
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Flames,, blanket boy, my beloved
I gotta draw more art like this of him, he's such an odd creature I love him so much
There's so much to his character that I never talk about aaa I'll make a lore post eventually
#i have thoughts about this guy#he's so hungry for affection and that social and physical contact he see's all the people in his city get#he's takes up so much after them in so many ways#maintenance on this guy... mechanics working on checking all the wires and circuits and touching all the sensitive nerves and neuron flies#its nice that his entire structure is well taken care of but he also wouldnt be able to focus on anything else#he's so used to working in perfect undisturbed conitions..must be so distracting when something changes#he'd have his overseers watching as they plug things in and test stuff and poke around in his guts#and maybe he'll enjoy it a too much and he'll beep when a cable is pushed in.. its not like the sounds are unusual#the structure is alway whirling and buzzing.. whats a few extra clicks and hums when a particularly sensitive component is touched#its not like they would know unless they were really paying attention to the sounds and looking for a reaction#trying to please their beloved supercomputer#he longs for the same love they're capable of but it does quite work out. They can't hug him in a way that feels the same#does affection mean anything to him when its so little. They cant love him in a way that properly means something#i guess flames eventually getting into a relationship fills that affection hole#someone who speaks the same language. someone who he can relate to and understand#someone capable of touching all his systems in just the right way#ajfjsj went off i the tags here uh im so tired im kinda losing consciousness as i was typing oops#rain world#iterator#rain world oc#iterator oc#oc four blue flames#drawins#suggestive
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pretty sure i’ve seen romance movies with scenes like this
#tomgreg#where do i even start with t his horseshit okay here we fucking go.#so tom's first instinct is to go to greg when he's on shaky ground with shiv. the only way he feels safe is to have GREG with him.#who tf would want greg as an attack dog??!?!? lets be fucking real. when he says that i think he means just a dog. just someone loyal.#who loves him and won't dick him around. i think he's pretty tired of it by now.#he wants an alliance with like. ok in this show who would you pick to ally with. i love greg but he's abso useless in terms of skills that#would keep you safe. if anything TOM would keep HIM safe. in fact tom himself says who else has taken care of you. literally spells it out.#he even says greg is a joke; will fail; will fuck up; so what use does he have for tom other than companionship. other than love?#a dog might do tricks for you but your main reason for getting one is usually love. right? at least it should be. it would be in tom's case.#and don't even fucking get me STARTED on ''do you wanna come with me? ...sporus?" like girl.#you know what you told him about nero and sporus right. and now you're saying to him; yeah i was talking about you.#you and me. you're my favourite and i wasn't joking when i said i'd marry you.#the whole while tom is asking greg to be his attack dog his fuckin. eyes and expression we get it you're in love with him. like it's ridic.#and all this coming with phrasing it sounds like they're fucking ELOPING. I HATE IT!!!!!! SHUT UP! stop saying that fucking shit god. god#they are so annoying. anyway#the way tom's voice breaks as he says he has things to do [what things. will i find out later.] and the deal and!!#what am i gonna do with a soul anyways... i have you what do i need it for. and as that paragraph said somewhere. he castrates his soul.#then they giggle and are fucking annoying and greg'S HANDS LOOK LIK EHE'S ABOUT TO IDK. HUG TOM? AROUND THE MIDDLE MAYBE#or do something else. and then they just hug instead and i fucking. ugh. i've had enough tbh good fucking bye
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I'm sure I won't be the first to point this out but I really admire the way Halsey was able to create songs which were explicitly inspired by certain artists without ever once losing the ineffable essence that makes her art hers. I'm not on instagram so I missed the whole parade of influences thing - I got that the gist of the album would be this sort of muddle of identities and eras but didn't know each song would have a specific influence. Listening to the album without the full context, I appreciated the scope of its diversity but I never once felt like anything was a copy or an inauthentic expression. It felt strangely cohesive in its chaos and most of all it was, quintessentially, a Halsey album. It's fascinating how, in leaning so hard into this idea of impersonation, they actually proved more than ever what an incredibly distinctive artist (and human being) they are.
#Halsey#The Great Impersonator#listening to this album was such a strange experience#throughout most of it I was liking it but I wasn’t emotional#but then all of a sudden towards the end I started to get so teary and emotional#not because of any one song but the build-up of the incredibly intimate journey the entire album had taken me on#and I haven’t re-listened to the entire album again but weirdly I have been thinking about it A LOT??#my fave tracks if anyone cares: Dog Years; Arsonist; Darwinism; Life of the Spider; Lonely is the Muse#listened to Lonely is the Muse again on my walk the other day and started sobbing lol#the letters to god are also amazing and gut-wrenching and the way they pin the album together is genius#ALSO also do yourself a favour and watch her 4 vevo live vids#i think they're half the reason I cant stop thinking about Halsey right now cos what the fuck??? what a fucking performer#ANYWAY jesus christ#if i cant have love i want power is probably still my favourite Halsey album but this one is really something special#my sister has not succumbed to my bullying so I havent had anyone to spill my many thoughts to sorryyyyyy#bullying her to hurry up and listen to the album I mean lol
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kind of frustrating that people took "fat does not equal unhealthy" to mean "fat is not unhealthy." sometimes being obese IS unhealthy & excess fat can cause a lot of problems. ignoring health issues isn't progressive. real "oranges kill people with depression" moment
#i have a lot to say but i think it all boils down to this:#the only reason people think this way is because they experienced body shaming & bullying for their fatness#& instead of gaining a healthy relationship with their body & its needs they went full denial mode#people that aren't fat that think this way are just going with things uncritically which is also bad btw#because when you have decades of proof that being severely overweight can be detrimental to your health#(& no i don't mean fucking. supersize me. i mean medical proof that too much fat causes diseases & early death)#but you're ignoring that because a tiktok influencer that has no medical experience said so#that is a huge lack of critical thinking skills on display & people are gonna listen to that misinformation & some might die#this isn't some light shit that can be waved off as non-harmful because it IS harmful! it is actively hurting people!!#again being unhealthy isn't a moral failing & no one deserves shit for that!! but that's the whole damn point isn't it!!!#militant fat activists are so afraid of their fatness being associated with anything negative they turn right around into ableism#they don't WANT to be considered disabled! because being disabled IS a moral failing to them. disability is abnormal#& of course being morbidly obese is totally normal. because if it wasn't then they'd need to do work & handle an ED#& that's too much to grapple with mentally so. no. they're normal. super normal. don't look at the lifespan of someone over 300lb#btw i am 100% aware that a lot of this is combined with other issues like racism sexism homo/transphobia genuine fatphobia#but also sometimes they really can't operate on someone that can't recover afterwards#like i wouldn't call the vet bigoted & cat-hating for being unable to operate on my 20yo cat#Minnie would simply not survive that. because she is so damn old#unfortunately for Minnie she can't get younger but people CAN lose weight in multiple different ways#& it may seem like the world is attacking you but you really have to train yourself out of automatic bad faith reactions#''you couldn't possibly understand!!'' yeah okay i'm sooo abled & privileged you got me there (<-sarcasm. if you couldn't tell)#just because someone hasn't experienced your EXACT thing doesn't mean they can't relate & haven't gone through similar#it's so difficult to train your brain out of that shit i get that but you really really really have to. or you will die#or at least be miserable#DISCLAIMER: i'm not talking about every person who has even a little fat on their body. fat is NEEDED#but like all things too much of a good thing can cause problems & fat is not exempt#this is about morbid obesity. not someone who's like 160lb that shit is normal#& people need to stop thinking anything over 110lb is fat#because it isn't & i think most people are getting into unhealthy territory at that low of a weight#basically i view being too fat the same as being too thin. they both cause health problems & should be taken seriously
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1/ this bout of comms almost done and 2. spawndate in 3 days so I have! been fixin up some stuff for the itch store. that'll go live on the 29th! right now there Is a pack of the lineart stuff I did last year for folks who found that agreeable, still free to grab! for practicing coloring, or if you wanna mess around with colors when ur not feelin like doing lineart, or if you wanna try to figure out colors in a drastically different style than what you usually go for. or if u just wanna look at it that's cool too. small announcement that is all see u in a few
#bakuspeech#update on the situation: is mostly contained. it'll take a fair bit to make up for how much it's kicked us in the nuts#but it's doable. just Very annoying and tedious and sudden and overall it just sucks#esp. like right up close to my birthday lmao. like if it happened earlier this year I'd be like alright. sucks shit but par for the course#this year has already been so fucked up. this might as well happen#but since it's happened in december it really brings on the feeling of like. fr bitch?#right in front of my cake? me the birthday boy? the specialest fucking boy?#but well. theres a Thing around here that's ur birthday usually being the unluckiest day#but also we're the kind of folks who track death dates rather than birthdays. like up until very recently#all four of my grandparents have unspecified birthdays. their birth years aren't even correct. on paper they're like#a few years older than they actually are#and my granddad on my dads side was even from a family of some means so it wasnt even a class thing#man. last year Something was happening around this time too. idr what but it also sucked#mmm. well. what is really just is. and I've already taken a hammer to it anyhows#I'll do the same for the birthday thing. it Will be fucking good. I take a hammer to it#I'm very glad I still get some commissions even tho it was practically right up to noel#you guys are very generous. I don't say it as often as I should I think but I'm very very thankful for the support#glad to hang out around here still. glad to have the folks I have here. thank u for chillin with me#please look forward to the itch store update. got a new thing along with the old things ported over. stay tuned
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Gerudo Height in BotW
NOTE: This is all approximation based on theory, done because simply eyeballing heights wasn't enough for me and I wanted an answer that could at least be explained.
I'll get straight to the point- this started because my fixation on BotW returned and I decided I needed to know Urbosa's height; looking it up rewarded me with poor results, so I decided to find it myself and I spiraled from there. Here we go:
To start, I need a solid metric to measure her height by, as well as something to compare her to. In comes this video by The Bread Pirate, in which he calculates Link's height and comes to the conclusion that he is 5'2", or 1.584 meters. This is perfect, because it just so happens that Link and Urbosa are depicted together on equal level in Memory #15 and that means I can use him to find her height through comparison.
(I had to cut Mipha out from between them for this, rip)
I tried to approximate their heights as accurately as possible, excluding the added height of their hair because. Well. Hair doesn't count. Which is also why in the video, Link was measured in the radiant mask, which flattens his hair.
Now, The Bread Pirate utilizes the BotW memory editor to convert Link's height in in-game pixels to meters, and I can't do that here. So, alternative methods with a common metric have to be used. As seen in the above image, I measured both Link and Urbosa's height from the bottom of their feet to roughly the top of their heads, in red and blue. The black and white lines beside those serve to count each pixel of the lines more clearly, with an added line for Urbosa's heels, which will be subtracted from her total height later. As you can see, Link reaches 122 pixels tall, Urbosa is 175 pixels, and Urbosa's heels are 6 pixels. For simplicity's sake, I'll be measuring height in meters for the math and converting it to feet + inches for those who need it at the end. To find Urbosa's height, we have to find the height of each pixel. For this, we rely on Link's assumed height of 1.584 meters.
1.584 divided by Link's pixel height count, 122, equals 0.01298360655. This means that in this instance, 1 pixel = 0.01298360655 meters.
With that in mind, if Urbosa is 175 pixels tall, then Link's pixel height subtracted from that would give them a 53 pixel difference. 53 pixels, or 0.68813114754 meters.
Link's height of 1.584 meters + their difference of 0.68813114754 meters = 2.27213114754 meters, Urbosa's total height in the above image.
Now, her heels are 6 pixels tall, or 0.0779016393 meters. This, subtracted from her total height, equals 2.19422950824 meters.
So, in simpler terms, Urbosa is roughly:
2.272 meters / 7'5" in heels. 2.194 meters / 7'2" without heels.
That's super tall! Except...
Huh..........................
This got me thinking. I assumed all Gerudo adults except elders used very similar base models and were therefore all the same height, so this was all for the fun of ignoring nintendo's convenient game development method of reusing models to treat each character like an individual, but could they be different heights?
To my surprise, the answer is yes!
Using the same method I did with Urbosa, I approximated the following (heels subtracted from all):
Buliara: 2.315 meters / 7'7"
Guard: 2.112 meters / 6'11"
Avg. Gerudo: 2.019 meters / 6'7"
I left out elderly Gerudo because they're all signifigantly hunched over, making it impossible to get an accurate measurement, as well as Gerudo children, because I'm lazy.
(Side note, that'd make the Gerudo at the bar REALLY tall by their standards. Her in-game model is the same height as other average Gerudo around town, but I'm taking her word on being 8'0" for the sake of maintaining something that is definitively canon lol)
Now, there's just one last thing to mention: Traysi's estimation of average Gerudo height.
Um.
No, pretty sure that's much taller than the average Gerudo, I don't even have to do the math. also that's a cactus not a tree
Anyway. I went into this just wanting to know how tall Urbosa was and ended up doing a lot more math than originally intended to find the heights of other Gerudo too. Worth it tbh.
#botw#legend of zelda#urbosa#gerudo#link#honorary tag bc I couldn't do this without him standing around aimlessly a lot#long post#if anyone can prove me right or wrong with more concrete means I'm all for it pls let me see#idc about being personally right I just like having useless knowledge about things I like#also important to note: the champions' heights seem to be inconsistent in the game#it's most obvious when comparing the scene of them getting their picture taken to the other memories they're in#which I think was probably done so that they'd look good and proportional in a frame all together#which is fine. that stuff is done in production sometimes#but just keep it in mind bc with that being a thing it'd be effectively impossible to find a character height that's 100% consistent#it's for that same reason that I ignore their depictions in age of calamity#different game with different mechanics and probably different heights too#BUT I did see a screenshot of Urbosa next to a Gerudo guard from that game and she looked so tiny I have to laugh#Urbosa being the best warrior the Gerudo had yet significantly shorter than her guards at the time is funny to me
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#i honestly feel more anticipation over finding out if that one blog with a cousin is real or not#cause if tommy doesnt one scene or isnt in tmr's episode ill know for sure not to listen to them at all#like some of the stuff theyve said has been proven right but its also i think important to remember that sometimes people can just#make educated guesses it could just be there will be content or interviews and its like well there were but were you just guessing based#on what other people said ? or do you actually have a cousin ?#im not putting a lot of stock into it at all yknow im old enough to know not to trust randoms on the internet#its just been nagging at me for a while bc on the one hand i dont think b/ddie has absolutely been taken off the table#at least in terms of everyone on set knows it wont. i think tim is just going with the flow so their insistence#that they KNOW it wont happen feels fake-ish but does that also mean the rest of what they're saying is fake too?#like tommy wont be in the premiere and there isnt talks of them continuing this relationship#girl i have trust issues with this show and fandom im always like “well youre probably lying... but then again...” lol
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whenever the full album drops from Marianas Trench, i'd like it to be known that i am weak for this band
and if more chapter names change to more songs from the new album inspired by the hero's journey, it's not my fault
"Joker did you change any chapter names to the new MT singles that recently released?" maybe
#ews creator#marianas trench is the homestuck band to me#it just fits#''what do you mean it's the homestuck band'' that masterpiece theatre iii lyricstuck changed me#i can say the chapter names used to be Light in Starless Sky. Road Less Taken. and Shadow World#i'm saying these cause they're no longer being used#i'm sorry persona. i love those songs dearly (especially you Road Less Taken) but these MT songs hit different and so well#yes this does mean you'll absolutely know 3 chapter names just by looking up the new MT songs#''is this an advertisement for MT'' yes.#ews act/chapter names are also an advertisement for persona 3 :)#listen to marianas trench and play persona 3 right now 🔫
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Felix and Chan actually getting to keep their occa aussiness will always be inherently funny to me, but also it is really cute.... makes me a lil :'')
#like Bang chan legit has bogan status sometimes and thats wild to me#I'm telling you right here right now if felix or chan went to the US or UK which is where a lot of aussie acts end up trying to go#bc the industry is pretty small down here and fair enough to want bigger success but they almost def be made to tone the accent down#like they're australian but they dont get to be steve irwin australian its like kylie minogue australian? cate blanchett...#so seeing idols actually keep the broad accent? hilarious#but its really nice though!!#like its funny seeing the other members comment on the aus accents bc theyre arent like. mean? like they find the accents#interesting or funny or whatever but they dont act as though its not right#australia isnt as bad as somewhere like the uk as far as classism around accents but we do still have a bit of that#and it is a bit like well if you want to be taken more seriously you should 'Speak properly' which is code for lessen that accent#its too rough and too course yadda yadda so seeing them still rock it#and rock it pretty proudly is really sweet to me
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I hope what ever asshole cultist invited the stay at home daughter movement a very your dick gets rips into bits and eaten by pigs
#the stay at home daughter movement RUINED MY LIFE#IT RUINED MY CHILDHOOD BECAUSE I WAS FROCED TO BE A HOUSE SLAVE AT AT NINE INSTEAD OF A KID#IT RUINED MY HIGHSCHOOL LIFE AND ALL LIFE PLANNING BECAUSE I WAS NOT ALLOWED TO GET MORE THEN THE BY LAW NEEDED SCHOOLING BECAUSE I WAS#WXPECTED TO BE A HOUSE SLAVE TO MY FAMILY UNTIL THEY PAIRED ME OFF TO A HUSBAND THEN ID BW HIS HOUSE SLAVE AND SEX SLAVE BECAUSE MY JOB IS#CLEAN HOUSE COOK POPULATE THE QUIVERFULL AGENDA AND HAVE 160 KIDS THAT'S KIDS AND NO INTEREST NO HOBBY NO INDIVIDUALITY JUST#CHRISTIAN HOUSE SLAVE OOPS I MEAN WIFE AND MOTHER#IT TOOK AWAY ALL AGENCY I HAD IN MY LIFE BECAUSE MY PLACE WAS CLEANING N COOKING NOT SCHOOL NOT JOB NOT FRIENDS NOT GETTING SMART NOT#GETTING INDEPENDENT IT DRIVES YOU TO RELAY ON A MAN COMPLETELY AND TO SUBMIT COMPLETELY YOU HAVE NO SAY YOU ONLY EXIST FOR WHAT WVER JOB TH#MAN WANTS YOU TO HAVE#I HOPE WHOEVER INTERDUCED THIS TO MY PARENTS CULT GETS EATEN SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY#I'VE NEVER TRIED TO BETTER MYSELF GET MORE SCHOOLING GO FOR A DCENT EDUCATION I'VE BEEN FROCED TO BELIEVE I CAN'T SURVIVE BY MYSELF AND#THEY'RE PROBABLY RIGHT BUT FUCK THEY MADE ME SO STUPID AND.I LET THEM BECAUSE I THOUGHT THAT'S WHAT GOD NEEDED#FUCK GOD FUCK RELGIOUS MEN AND FUCK ALL PARENTS WHO PURPOSELY SABOTAGE AND HOLD BACK THEIR CHILDREN FOR THEIR BENEFIT#I'M ANGRY#I DIDN'T DESERVE THAT LIFE I NEED TO FUCKIN GET OUT OF THIS CULTIST HELL I'M TIRED OF LIVING BY THESE STANDARDS AND RULES I WANT A SAY IN MY#LIFE I WANT A LIFE INDEPENDENT FROM GOD AND HIS FOLLOWERS I WANT A SAY IN MY LIFE#I WANT TO BE A PERSON AND NOT PROPERTY OF NO ONE NOT MY FATHER NOT MY MOTHER NOT MY BROTHERS NOT MY HUSBAND NOT GOD FUCK THEM ALLLLLL I WANT#TO BELONG TO ME AND ONLY ME AND I WISH I HAD A WAY OUT THAT I COULD SEE AND ACTUALLY OBTAIN BUT I JUST DON'T#I DON'T HAVE ANY HOPE FOR ANYTHING BECAUSE THE STEPS WILL NEVER BE TAKEN FOR THINGS TO GET BETTER I WILL DIE A DAUGHTER AT HOME I WILL DIE#SERVING THIS CULT AND THEY WILL USE MY CORPSE FOR WHATEVER SERVES THEM ALSO MY NAME WILL BE USED IN WHATEVER WAY PLEASES THEM#I WILL NEVER BE MYSELF I WILL NEVER GET AWAY EVER IT'LL JUST BE IN DAYDREAMS AND WORDS BUT NEVER REALITY
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I walk slowly when I'm on my own
(do you feel alive)
Yeah but frankly I still feel alone
(oh but you'll survive)
#owl city#if my heart was a house#the depression is depressing me#I have taken meds today but idk I'd they're helping right now#I hope this is just a rough patch because if they stopped working they'll probably have to put me on new meds#because my dosage is already really high so my psychiatrist will most likely not want to increase it more#and switching meds around like that is always hell#like it takes month to even know if it will work#and then you have to figure out if it's just because you need a higher dosage#or because this medication is ineffective and you need a different one#and it's all ugh I don't want to deal with it#I'm tired of this crap I wish the mental illness would just go away#it's been 10 years#I am going to have to deal with this for the rest of my life if mom is any indication#I mean I'll do it but ugh
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