#that maybe her life wasn't above his own desires. that he wanted to have his cake and eat it too | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

roosterforme · 1 year ago

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Adult Education Part 10 | Hangman x OC

Summary: The rest of the weekend at Jake's place felt like a dream, but Jessica's fraternity fundraiser was quickly approaching. She crashes back to reality on Monday when she has to face Brian again. But just maybe she finally has the right people on her side.

Warnings: Fluff, smut, angst, swearing, 18+

Length: 4500 words

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Female OC

This story is part of the Beer Boy and Sugar universe but can be read on its own! Adult Education masterlist

Seriously, who let Jake on my masterlist!? Banner by @mak-32

Jessica took a few minutes to get cleaned up in Jake's bathroom. She felt flushed and warm, and when she looked in the mirror, her cheeks were bright pink. Even after taking off her glasses and splashing some water on her face, she looked flustered.

She sat on the closed toilet lid for a moment. She was completely naked, and she could hear Jake in the kitchen, and she didn't know what she was supposed to do. "Oh god," she moaned, running her fingers through her messy hair. Was she supposed to change back into her clothes from earlier? Or dress in her nightie even though it was only mid afternoon? What had Jake changed into after she ducked in here?

After a few deep breaths, she opened the door and walked out into the living room and peeked into the kitchen where Jake was arranging things on the counter. She took in his broad shoulders and the fact that he was only wearing his underwear. "Can I borrow a shirt?" she asked, and he spun to face her with a huge smile.

Maybe she should have been a little self conscious with the way he was looking at her. This was honestly the first time she's been exclusive with a guy before sleeping with him, and now she felt a little foolish for walking around his condo completely nude. "Of course," he replied softly. "Don't want you getting cold. Plus maybe you'll let me take it off of you later."

Okay. So he still thought she was desirable after they had sex and when her hair and makeup were a mess. "There's a good possibility," she whispered, thinking about his body above and beneath hers.

Jake kissed her cheek and took her by the hand, leading her back into his bedroom. "Help yourself to whatever you want," he told her, opening a few of his dresser drawers. "Undershirts. Shorts. Longhorns shirts."

She laughed as he squeezed her hand. "You have a whole drawer full of Longhorns shirts? Seems kind of crazy you didn't even want to watch the game earlier." She reached into the drawer and pulled out an orange tee shirt as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Yeah, well... you were on my lap. Rubbing on my dick. What the hell else was I supposed to be focused on?" He looked a little flushed too as she pulled the shirt over her head and then adjusted her glasses.

"Nothing else," she said softly. "Just me."

With his hand wrapped around her waist and his lips close to her ear, Jake showed her everything in the remaining drawers and his closet. "You can wear anything you want, whenever you want. And you don't have to ask me again. You just go ahead and take it."

"Okay," she replied, looking up at him. She noticed all of his expertly pressed uniforms hanging up, and she was a little curious how the blue and white ones would look on him. She was about to mention them when he pulled her a little closer. And then he kissed her, and it was soft and sweet as she wrapped her arms around his waist. She felt good when she was with him, like she could take a break from worrying about Brian and tenure and failing students. Like Jake was someone who wasn't going to make her life harder.

"Wanna check out that Super Hornet spec sheet with me?" he asked, and she knew she must look ridiculously excited.

"Yes," she sighed. And if she thought that was all he had in store, she was very wrong. A minute later she was perched on one of the stools at the kitchen island, and she grinned as Jake slid a single sheet of paper across the granite. It was upside down, and he kept his palm on top of it as she tried to turn it over.

"Not so fast," he drawled. "This is top secret, highly sensitive information I'm about to show you. Do you promise you won't turn me in and get me court-martialed?"

"Jake," she whispered as she looked at his pretty green eyes. "I'm a little turned on just thinking about the math. Please. I won't tell a soul."

"Fuck," he groaned, flipping the paper over for her. "I can't say no to you when you tell me that."

She gasped as she looked at the schematics of his aircraft along with some information she never dreamed she would get access to. There were a few redacted bits of information, but it was still exciting. "Oh my god," she moaned as Jake held out a sharpened pencil and a graphing calculator for her. "Where did you get this?" she asked, completely stunned as she opened the calculator that cost several hundred dollars. It was exactly like the one she kept in her desk drawer in her office.

"Bradshaw's wife told me which one to buy," he muttered, but she cut off his words as she pulled him closer with her hands around his waist. She felt the desire to take him back to his bed now that both of them seemed to have got past the jitters from earlier. But as she kissed him, she realized he made it a point to bring home exactly what she wanted, and he even bought her favorite kind of calculator. More sex could wait until after this foreplay.

"You're so sweet," she said against his lips as she spread her legs wide, letting him stand between them.

He was drawing little circles on her bare thighs with both hands as he smiled against her lips before pulling back a few inches. He kept one hand on her leg and tapped the page with his index finger. "You're gonna need the new velocity values right here and right here," he said, moving his finger down the page to the redacted parts. "Lucky for you, I'm a little quicker than the Admirals. I memorized them from the projected lecture notes."

She liked it when he sounded a little cocky and smirked as if he was too good to be true. Maybe he was. As he continued to rub along the top of her thigh, Jessica asked, "Will you tell me? So I can work out the math?"

He licked his lips. Why was she so turned on? He kissed her, and she wanted him to take her on the kitchen island. "Yeah, I'll tell you, Smart Girl," he promised, his voice sounding a little harsh as he whispered two different numbers to her.

Jessica scribbled them down and whimpered softly. When she opened the calculator and started to solve some elaborate formulas, Jake stood behind her and watched with his chin resting on her shoulder. She filled the margins with her calculations, and the occasional brush of his lips on her neck left her needing to recheck her math.

After working at it a bit, she was close to solving for the maximum speed of the aircraft versus the speed of sound. And Jake's kisses were growing more persistent along the collar of the Longhorns shirt. "Oh," she sighed softly.

"You almost done, Reedy?" he whispered. "As much fun as this is to watch, I'd like to get my hands on you again."

Her eyes fluttered closed before she could enter her final calculation and solve everything. "Are you turned on right now?" she asked him.

Jake grunted, his hands soft on her shoulders as his lips found the shell of her ear. "Been a little turned on since I first saw you in a pair of high heels being smarter than everyone else in a lecture hall full of physicists."

All she could feel was the clench of desire when his lips barely moved along her skin. Her limbs felt too heavy, and everything was moving in slow motion as her brain finally figured out what to type into the calculator. "Mach 2.0587," she moaned. "That's how fast you'll safely be able to go with the new interface updates."

Jake spun the stool around, and she had to brace her hands on his abs while he devoured her mouth. She wasn't nervous now, and he wasn't hesitating this time as she slid off the stool, her body rubbing along his erection. In an instant she had her hands inside his briefs, still amazed by how thick he was, and her lips brushed his chest hair.

The sound she made left her blushing as she tugged down his underwear. Jake stepped out of them and got his hands underneath the Longhorns shirt and on her butt. She had to grip his shoulders as he easily lifted her up. "On the couch?" he asked.

"Yeah," she agreed with a needy moan as her clit pressed snug against his cock.

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With Jessica's knees planted on the couch cushion and her hands on the arm, Jake could fully appreciate the freedom afforded by skipping a condom. He was kissing along her ass and lower back, his Longhorns shirt pushed up nearly to her shoulders. "Please," she whined, leaning further over the couch arm and wiggling her rear end enticingly.

He bit her gently, and she squeaked for him before turning her head and gasping. He'd been thinking about a horny couch quickie for a week, and now he was about to get it. Well, maybe not too quick.

"Jake," she whined when he ran his fingers through her slick and then coated up his cock.

His hand was wet and sticky as he placed it on her lower back and slid himself slowly inside her tight, little pussy. "Wouldn't have taken you for the impatient type," he muttered as her back arched beautifully for him. He went slow, watching the way she gripped his length and listening for her gasp of breath when he bottomed out. "Shit." He pushed a little harder and then stayed put, brushing his fingers along her ass. She took him so well, her hands scrambling on the couch upholstery for purchase as he asked, "Ready?"

"Yes," she whispered, her voice already sounding broken as he leaned over top of her and braced his hands next to hers.

With a soft kiss to her cheek, he murmured, "Okay, Baby," and then he withdrew a few inches and thrust hard. The snap of his hips had her arching her back again, the back of her head pressed to his shoulder. He rocked into her a few more times just like that, pleased when she got louder.

He fucked her hard, gasping and moaning her name, and she didn't back down at all. Her body met his each time. At first, he thought this was something he needed to get out of his system, but her body was made for this. Made to be bent over the couch or her desk or his truck tailgate. Taking him hard. He could imagine it everywhere, always feeling this good as he fucked her with his lips on her ear.

"A little harder?" he managed to ask when his balls started to grow tight. He knew he could make it sweet later, but she was responding beautifully to this.

"Yeah," she grunted, and he caught her swaying breasts in both hands. The feel of them in his palms, bouncing in time with his quick thrusts left him with a smile on his face as Jessica came for him. Her face was buried in her folded arms, and her pussy was clenching.

"Holy shit." he pushed himself deep and let her milk him until he was shaking and grabbing her tits a little harder. She whimpered, still fluttering around him as she lifted her head and looked at him. Her glasses were crooked, she looked shocked, and he was about to be rewarded with another pretty creampie to look at. He could get used to Saturdays like this.

He withdrew, his cock still hard as she panted to catch her breath, and he watched his cum ooze and drip, catching it with his hand. "Jessica," he whispered, bringing his palm up to meet her pussy and rubbing gently. She bucked and made a sound. "So pretty."

He could tell that her body was still a little sensitive as she curled up on his lap with her cheek on his shoulder. He rubbed his sticky hand along her thigh as she played with his chest hair. When she kissed his neck, he whispered, "I hope I wasn't too rough."

"No. Not at all. It felt good."

He let his head tip back. "Been thinking about that for a week, and my imagination must fucking suck. Or you're just that good for me."

She laughed softly. "I'm probably just very good."

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Jessica had never had bruschetta chicken before. When Jake pulled it out of the oven, she tried to eat it right away, but he told her to wait while he grated cheese on the top. He'd been catering to her all afternoon and evening though, so they ended up eating it right out of the casserole dish while standing at the counter after she said she was hungry.

"It's so good," she moaned between mouthfuls.

"I'll send the rest home with you tomorrow. You can take it for lunch on Monday."

The weekend wasn't even over yet, but it was getting a little late as she ate another bite of dinner. She wanted to know if their routine would keep going. "Are you planning on stopping by my office hours this week?"

Jake tipped her chin up and kissed her lips softly. "How else am I gonna get new journals to read and visit my girlfriend at the same time? Or are you going to be too busy skateboarding?"

She kissed him back. "Luca wants me to go surfing next."

"Luca wants to see you in a bathing suit," he replied with a grin.

"No! I'm his favorite teacher!" she protested with a laugh.

"Yeah. I'm sure you're his favorite teacher for a whole variety of reasons, Baby." He ran his hands up and down her body as she ate another bite of dinner. "You're a good teacher and you're fucking hot as sin."

Jake was trying to playfully lure her away from the casserole dish, but she kept slipping out of his grasp to take another bite. "As soon as I learned you could cook, you were golden," she murmured as she took one more bite before he carried her to the bedroom over his shoulder. "I haven't had a boyfriend in so long, because what's the point if you're not getting fed after getting fucked?"

"That's a valid question," he said, taking her into his bathroom. He turned on the shower and walked around collecting fresh towels with her draped casually over his bicep. "But I will say, there's an excellent chance that I'll cook you anything you want for breakfast tomorrow. Even if we don't fuck again. You could probably even get a midnight snack out of me."

He set her down gently and patted her butt before she handed him her glasses and stepped under the warm shower spray with a little shiver. "You want me to get something out for you to wear to bed?" he asked, but she shook her head and reached for him.

Jessica pulled him in the shower with her as she said, "No, I want you in here." With soapy hands, they explored each other's bodies, and it didn't feel overly sexual. Sure, Jake's hands were everywhere, and his cock was halfway at attention, but his hands weren't rough like when they had sex on the couch. And he wasn't pushing for more. She just made out with him and then let him wash her hair.

"Feel good?" he asked, massaging his strong fingers along her scalp as she melted back against him.

"Yeah," she whispered in the softest voice, afraid to break the spell they were under where he kept kissing her and calling her his Smart Girl. Once they were finally out of the shower, only because it was starting to turn cold, Jake wrapped her up in a towel.

"Sure you don't want something to sleep in, Jess? It's a little chilly in here."

"I brought pajamas," she murmured, kneeling to dig in her overnight bag. "Pick a color: blue or pink." When he didn't answer right away, she turned to look up at him as she wrapped her towel around herself a little tighter. "Do you have a preference?"

He looked like he was in a daze as he watched her fingers glide along the two lace and silk options in her bag. "Blue," he whispered, and she stood with the royal blue nightie in her hands. Jake watched her every movement as she towel dried her hair and then slipped into her pajamas for the night. "Can I see the pink, too?" he asked, his voice strained.

"Maybe next time," she replied with a smile.

"Did you pack those just for me?"

She threw her towel at him and climbed into bed. "I always wear things like this to sleep."

"You do?" His cheeks looked pink as he tossed his towel and hers into the hamper. Then he was in bed with her, pinning her wrists above her head in one big hand. "And they all look like this? With little bows and lace all over?"

"Yeah," she whispered, turning her head to the side when he nudged her cheek with his nose.

"I thought you just bought that little green set to hide under your work clothes and tease me with." He kissed her ear as she sighed.

"Well, I kind of did, but I collect lingerie," she replied, and instantly Jake was flat on his back next to her with his hands over his eyes. "What?" she asked, sitting up as she laughed. "Is that weird?"

"Weird?" he croaked. "No, weird isn't the right word for it." He rubbed his eyes and groaned before peeking through his fingers. "I won't survive this."

She looked down at the soft blue lace and then looked back at him. "Why not?"

Jake tugged on her arm until she was laying on top of him. He rubbed his hands up and down her back and over her butt. "Because it's like wrapping paper, Baby. It's like the gift I've always wanted to receive is all wrapped up in the prettiest paper and then given to me to unwrap and enjoy."

She looked down at him with one raised eyebrow and softly parted lips. Nobody had ever described her like that before, not in such a beautiful way. Her closet was filled with lace, satin, silk, leather and chiffon, but she hadn't really shown it off before. Not like she wanted to right now. She wanted to let Jake dress her up how he liked, and then she wanted to take absolute control over him. He ran his fingers through her damp hair and looked up at her, his pupils blown wide, and she sat back on his cock to find him hard.

"Again?" she asked softly.

When he nodded, she positioned herself to take him while he started to unwrap his present.

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Monday morning came too early, and when it did, Jessica woke up alone in her bed and sighed. Jake dropped her off late last night. Like very late. And after spending the night in his warm bed with him on Saturday, last night had been a restless sleep. She wanted to invite him in to play dress up in her closet, but she knew they both needed some sleep for the work week. So he only came inside long enough for a tour of her apartment and a hot little makeout before he filled her refrigerator with individual containers of leftovers. And then she sent him home with the containers from last week's food that she'd washed and set aside for him.

But she knew she wouldn't see him again until Tuesday, so she phoned in her hair and make up on Monday morning. What was the point? She was already dreading her agenda for the day. There was a faculty meeting run by Brian and then another damn meeting about alumni weekend which was just a few days away. And then she had to finalize everything for the fundraiser by making five phone calls.

Once she dropped her things in her office, she made her way to the faculty meeting with one minute to spare. She could tell that Brian desperately wanted to call her out for being late, but when Dr. Leeland came hustling in right behind her, out of breath and sweating, Brian turned away from her.

"Morning, Benson," she said to Dr. Leeland in a pleasant voice as she held the door open for him.

"Jessica," he grunted with a half smile as he headed for a seat in the front. Jessica slipped into the back row and sipped her coffee while forcing herself to focus on Brian's words instead of daydreaming about Jake. She couldn't afford to draw too much attention to herself since she had the second meeting about alumni weekend with Brian right after this one.

She just sat very still, and whenever his eyes landed on hers, she braced herself for him to make a comment about skateboarding with Luca and professionalism in the workplace. But it never came. She let out a sigh of relief as the meeting ended and everyone else filed out. She remained in her seat, waiting for everyone else from the science department who was involved in alumni weekend to filter in.

Brian was pretending to ignore her as she flipped through the red notebook of lecture notes she brought with her. He was standing at the podium silently when the door opened up and one of his teaching assistants rushed in. Jessica recognized her from the classrooms and the occasional meeting, and right now she was calling out Brian's name and running right to his arms.

"Not right now," Jessica heard Brian say, his piercing eyes landing on her as he pushed his TA away from him.

"But my lab is about to start, and I'm not going to see you later," the younger woman whined playfully as Brian tried to back away from her. Jessica felt sick as she loudly cleared her throat. Then she had two sets of eyes focused on her and her red notebook. The other woman looked a little frantic, but Jessica kept her expression completely neutral. There were already enough rumors circulating about her, and she certainly didn't want to propagate any more by stirring Brian up.

"We can discuss your lab schedule later, Miss Turner." Brian's voice was filled with so much finality, the other woman left the room without another word.

Jessica literally had to bite her tongue as she looked at him, and just when Brian opened his mouth to say something, Dr. Jenkins from the biology department walked in wearing one of his hideous sweater vests, and she couldn't have been happier to see him.

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On Tuesday, Jessica took a deep breath as she held her lunch container filled with bruschetta chicken in one hand and her fork and water bottle in the other. She thought it was okay to just stop by, but maybe she should have texted first? She knocked on the door before she could change her mind. Then she heard clamoring inside followed by more than once voice, and it sounded like someone was dragging furniture across the floor.

When the door opened a few inches, and she saw her friend's startled eyes, Jessica said, "If you're busy, I can come back."

"Oh. It's you," Advanced Calculus sighed deeply with a look of instant relief on her face. Then she opened the door wider and glanced behind her, and Jessica's gaze shifted to the interior of her office where Bradley was quickly tucking his uniform shirt into his uniform pants. His cheeks were flushed, but he had a grin on his face.

"Hey, Jessica," he murmured, grabbing his keys and phone from the desk. "I was just leaving," he added before bending to give his wife a filthy kiss. "I'll pick you up after your last lecture, Sugar."

"Bye," she replied softly, gently pushing her husband through the door as he nodded at Jessica.

"I'm so sorry, I had no idea I was interrupting-"

"You weren't," the other woman said as she tried to hide her smile. "He just had his lunch hour free today and.... wanted to visit."

Jessica still stood frozen, unsure what she should do. She gestured behind her and said, "I could just go back to my office."

Her friend scoffed. "We're done now, so you might as well just come in."

"Okay," Jessica replied with a smile of her own. "I just didn't know I was going to be interrupting a quickie. I'll text you next time."

Instead of responding, Advanced Calculus just sat down with a coy smile and asked, "What did Jake make you for lunch today?"

Jessica held up the container that she just heated up in her office. "It's the bruschetta chicken from Saturday night."

She laughed and held up a container of her own. "Bradley made the same thing. Should we compare recipes?"

"Oh! Absolutely," Jessica agreed right away. A few bites in, and both of them were looking from container to container, unsure which one was the winner. "I like both of them."

"Me too," she replied, taking another bite of Jake's. "Does he use panko breadcrumbs?"

"I think so. Does Bradley use oregano and rosemary?"

"Probably. I can't really tell them apart."

They both erupted into laughter.

"So are you ready for your fundraiser on Saturday night?"

Jessica finished the last bite of lunch and sighed. "Almost. I'm going to the fraternity house to meet with the boys tomorrow night. They rented the tuxedos. The culinary students are making the food. Bradley's bringing the kegs. Dev emailed me and said he'd donate things for the silent auction. I'm just nervous."

"You shouldn't be," she replied. "It'll be perfect. You spent a lot of time on this."

Jessica shook her head. "I just feel like my future at this school depends on it. Like if I fuck this up, I'll never get tenure."

And then Jessica felt a bit like she was under a microscope. "And Brian Conley is in charge of your tenure?"

"Yes," she replied softly as she looked up at the other woman's gaze.

But she was only met with kindness in the form of sympathetic eyes and a soft smile. "So what's the deal with you and him anyway?"

Jessica knew there had been rumors circulating for months, but maybe now she finally had people in her life who would believe her when she told them what happened. "How much time do you have?"

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She's confiding in Sugar! And both girls had the quickie of their dreams with their dream guys. Thanks to @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls

PART 11

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kitchenisking · 2 months ago

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Day 2

Derek Hale doesn't speak by Bashfyl - (Rating: T, Words: 5,091, sterek)

What if after Paige died Talia believed Peters words over Derek's? What if sixteen year old Derek lost his mate the night he found him, the night of the Hale fire. What if the universe decided there shouldn't be a Derek Hale who didn't have his own Stiles Stilinski?

Wolf Cub by moodwriter - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 6,946, sterek)

A strange wolf is not supposed to touch another pack’s cub and that’s why, on a rescue mission, it’s Stiles’ job to take care of the wolf cub who’s curious about everything and everyone. Stiles is not used to werewolf children, and the pack is not used to Stiles taking care of a child. Their Alpha gets very confused about this, too.

Devoured by Hedwig221b - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 5,298, sterek)

Breathless, Stiles shifted his gaze up and went red from the knowing smirk on the deific face. The man’s red eyes sparkled in the moonlight, glowing like two fires on the tips of the candles. One of his thick eyebrows was lifted in amusement.

He was the most beautiful being Stiles had ever seen. As was probably expected, considering he was the god of sexual desire.

An Alpha's Misunderstandings by Dexterous_Sinistrous - (Rating: Mature, Words: 48,520, sterek)

And Derek was there, as if it was a simple twist of fate.

There were so many ways Stiles wanted to forgive Derek, but then he came to his senses.

He wouldn’t risk Charlotte’s safety for that hope–never again. ~*~ Stiles and Derek are parted by war and misunderstandings, only to find each other again.

today by EvanesDust - (Rating: G, Words: 2,585, sterek)

[excerpt] Going to the farm had been fun, but the best part wasn't the maze or climbing the slide. Not even choosing the pumpkins. It was meeting Derek.

the hale pack shares three braincells by graveltotempo - (Rating: G, Words: 4,322, sterek)

Five times a member of the Hale Pack (2.0) did not believe Stiles and Derek were in a relationship, and one time someone finally clued them in.

OR: the one where Lydia and Boyd (and Cora) are smarter than everybody else.

Crazy Scary Beautiful by Elpie (Horribibble) - (Rating: T, Words: 1,644, sterek)

The guy just came in with a duffle bag full of knives and plopped them down on the counter, easy as you please. He’s standing there with a perfectly cheerful look on his face, bouncing a little on the balls of his feet.

In which Stiles Stilinski is probably a serial killer, but Derek falls in love anyway.

Brewin' Up Love by sugareey, wanderingeyre - (Rating: Explicit, Words: 30,871, sterek)

The Pack runs Moon Tower Fermentarium, a popular brewery in Beacon Hills, and they are a refuge for supernaturals that need it. Stiles is happy to be Scott's Emissary and loves being the head brewer. His life is great. If only he could get over his feelings for Derek.

Derek finally feels like the Pack is settled and he is proud of what they've built. He doesn't need anything else. He has Stiles in his life as his friend and that's more than he deserves. If he wishes for more in the dark of night, that is between him and the moon.

OR The one where the Pack owns a brewery and Stiles is on fire with the puns. Also, there is angst.

If Only In My Dream by Karla_Kattz - (Rating: G, Words: 5,890, sterek)

Just to be with Stiles once! Maybe that's enough to erase that longing. "That can be arranged," a bright voice says behind him. Derek jumps from the bed, immediately beta-shifting and snarling at the intruder. The woman who is standing - no wait, she's floating, she's truly floating two inches above the floor - in the doorframe looks completely unfazed. In fact, she's even smiling. "Who are you? How did you get in here?" Derek grits out through his fangs, adding an unspoken 'and why didn't I notice you'? "Calm down, Wolf. I won’t harm you or your mate." Only then Derek notices the little glimmer that's surrounding her, the flawless skin she has, and how her blonde hair is softly swaying as if she was underwater. In combination with the floating- "You're a fairy," he says and wills his body to shift back. "Personally, I prefer the term 'fae', Alpha Hale, but you're not wrong," the creature chirps happily. "And I shall grant your wish."

———

An imagination spell allows Derek to daydream about Stiles and him, but things take an unexpected turn.

i am yours, just like you are mine. by buckysharons - (Rating: Mature, Words: 761, sterek)

derek’s (official) first time.

#sterek #derek hale #stiles stilinski #fanfiction #stiles x derek #kitcheniskingficrecs

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fourteentrout · 3 months ago

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"The Beholder" Azris Oneshot

Pairing: Azriel/Eris Vanserra

Word Count: 36,304

AO3 link

Description: Azriel and Eris both think the other is beyond gorgeous. The pinnacle of walking, talking perfection, the most attractive faerie to grace Prythian with their presence. After all, they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The only problem is, they spend too much time hating each other to actually do anything about it.

Hello hello Azris nation, guess who just posted his ridiculously long Azris slowburn oneshot that's literally just about how hot Azriel and Eris think the other is?

It's me, and I have the AO3 link and a preview here for your perusal! The fic does venture into some mature territory and does contain eventual smut, but I wasn't really sure what to rate it, so just consider this your warning. You can check it out using the link above or read the preview below!

It was almost ironic, Azriel thought, how easily he fell. Not in love, really. But something close to it. A winged beast somehow prone to tripping into endless depths of desires that could never be fulfilled. He was a spymaster and a torturer, and yet the minute he became fixated on someone, it became this prolonged, festering thing. Like a wound that refused to heal. He was forged to withstand the brutality of war, condemned to thrive in darkness, a being of sharp blades and black shadows. Yet the moment he grew attracted to someone, he felt like it was a physical, ever-burning brand that could be seen by all. A bright beacon of obvious weakness.

He loved his family, of course. He loved Mor in a different way for a very long time. He still wasn't entirely sure where she stood in his heart. But love was something that formed in him over the course of years, centuries. He was not worried about love. It was a diamond at his center, unbreakable, coated in layers upon layers of impenetrable steel. He no longer heard echoes of that incessant mantra pounded into his head for the first eleven years of his life. You are not worthy of having anything to love.

Now, his love was a well-guarded choice. A distinct investment he made into those he cared about the most. It was simple, and strong, and he had forty nine years of throwing himself against Rhysand's protective wall of magic to prove it. He had hundreds of years of stepping back into the shadows while Mor invited strangers to her bed to prove it. She was…confusing, in that way. But his love for her was not.

So no, he did not worry about love. This wasn't about love. It was about attraction. Infatuation, being enamored, having desire. A certain kind that went beyond his basic instincts to get carnal relief.

That was the true weakness, what he felt was on display for everyone to see. That's what he always fell so easily into, wings ablaze the whole way down. The feeling of finding a missing piece of his soul, and the need to make it his own again. Yes, love could come of it. In theory. He supposed that's what happened with Mor. He first desired her like she was a part of himself that he'd lost, or that had been ripped away from him. Then she became one of the few people he allowed himself to love, and he fell into it as gracelessly as he fell into his initial infatuation with her. But his love and desire for her were often inseparable, a blurred mess of too-bright colors that didn't quite fit in with his shadowed life. His love kept him tethered to her, even when she pulled further and further away, even when his desire was almost completely obscured by mere obsession.

He didn't know how to love anyone else for a very long time after that.

And then along came Elain Archeron, emerging from her cocoon of bleak listlessness bit by bit every day. Every once in a while, in her fleeting moments of presence, he felt that spark of aching want, of all consuming need. It was small, but it was there. The glimmer of hope that perhaps Mor was not the end for him. That maybe one day he could love someone else the same way. But Elain was still so new to being Fae, still so lost to a world that she had never meant to be thrust into, like a flower waiting for the right time to bloom. So as soon as his hope flickered to life when he felt that desire, it was smothered until there was nothing left but bitter, sinking shame.

It wasn't as if he'd ever deserve her love in return, anyway. Not from someone so pure as Elain, her skin kissed by dew drops, her fawn-soft eyes seeming to beg for safety. He would never give her what she needed, and she would never give him what he deserved. Not when she couldn't know him, what he was, what he did. She was too pliant, too bendable, and he suspected that she had too much love in her soul for him to take on. But it was never about what he could get in return. It was just always nice, in those fleeting moments of hope, to think that one day he could give that love to someone other than the female who'd been denying it for five hundred years.

But love was easy to put aside when he was hit with these waves of incessant need. White-hot desire that left him feeling unstable and empty. Something much more urgent than just an itch in need of scratching, but something much less committed and unbreakable than love. With love, he just wanted someone to be there to accept it. With desire, he wanted to take. There was a certain lack of control over it that he particularly despised. Not just the fact that he always felt completely and utterly seen when it happened, but that he couldn't do anything about it...or who it happened with.

It felt like a cruel trick when he felt that simmering fire of attraction burn along his veins at the meeting of the High Lords, of all places.

Because who would ever want to desire the person they hated most?

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eldragon-x · 1 year ago

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Okay let's talk about how actually Bill is attached to Ford and genuinely sees him as a friend and maybe even likes him more than literally anyone else which was originally going to mainly revolve around Weirdmageddon, however I absolutely needed to add creator commentary and extra-canon in order to dig into Bill's mentality.

First, I'd like to point out this comment by Hirsch from the Sock Opera DVD commentary about how Bill views Mabel:

“Bill genuinely believes that Mabel’s kinda like him. He sees Mabel as a chaos agent. Like, Mabel has got a little bit of a seed of anarchy in her, she’s a little bit selfish, she likes to have fun at whatever cost. And Bill is all those things times a billion. So he thinks when he lays it all out for her like: ‘How about instead of being lame, you do something fun! And crush whoever you want in the process!’. He thinks that’s gonna go over. And he’s not wrong in seeing that side in Mabel but Mabel is a better person than Bill Cipher.”

as well as this bit from "Dipper's and Mabel's Guide to Mystery and Nonstop Fun" written by Bill:

Both which pretty much confirm that Bill likes Mabel and assumes they're alike based on a couple similarities, which adds up when you look at how he treats and interacts with Mabel in the show but let's not derail.

The point I'm trying to make here is that if Bill can get attached and relate to a twelve year old he's known for half a summer, it's pretty easy to imagine he probably feels similarly about a guy he's known for thirty years and is the character who by far has the strongest connection to Bill.

Of course for Bill to relate to Ford there has to be some similarity in the first place. And there are! You could compare Ford's willingness to build an interdimensional portal to gain knowledge and admiration to Bill's desire to reach beyond his own two-dimensional world and eventual attain of knowledge and power.

Of course, Ford isn't the first person to attempt to build a portal for Bill. But the similarities run deeper than that.

So you know how Ford's been ostracized for all his life and leaned into trying to be outstanding and special which was encouraged and made worse by Bill?

Because Bill namedrops the author of Flatland in the Bill Cipher AMA when asked about his birth dimension.

and on top of that, in Journal 3 Ford describes a dimension called Exwhylia which references Flatland and suggests Bill could have come from a similar dimension.

To keep it short for those unfamiliar, Flatland is a book about a place of that same name and describes it as a plane where three-dimensionality is incomprehensible, only the heads of society are allowed to know about other dimensions, the social system depends on a strict hierarchy, everything that risks deviating from the norm is shut down, may be worth mentioning here that triangles are near the bottom of the hierarchy too.

Yeah I don't think I need to really explain that Bill would absolutely hate it here and it's really jarring how much this place clashes with him.

Anyway do you see where I'm going with this? Bill probably being shunned by his world and Ford's whole deal?

About the leaning into being special thing, Flatland people are really just. people but shapes. So to me it implies Bill didn't always have his powers (on top of him literally saying "I wasn't always this way" in Weird 3 while talking about his newly gained powers and before talking about his old dimension). Can you imagine how much gaining those brought out the worst in him? I think he was already self-centered before but now he has more reason to see himself above others.

Now obviously, Bill just claimed Ford was special and called him his friend as a manipulation tactic, but it's significant to remember that we're talking about the guy who said this:

and is pretty much confirmed to apply this mindset to himself:

I think that while yes, Ford and Bill's friendship started out as nothing but manipulation on Bill's part, he really grew attached to the guy based on what they had in common.

Unfortunately, Bill does the same mistake with Ford as he does with Mabel and assumed he's more like him than he really is. I mean,

Bill wrote this into the Journal during Ford's paranoid era. And I don't think he's just rambling because he says "don't you understand" and "I ask you" which very much sounds like he's trying to be convincing.

Anyway, yeah I think this scene from Weirdmageddon 1 was really another genuine offer, rather than just plain and simply Bill mocking Ford.

Also Weirdmageddon 2 pretty much proves to me that Bill does see Ford as special. Just look at how he's always carrying golden Ford around in contrast to all the stone-turned townsfolk being built into his throne. Literally special treatment! In a bad messed up way.

Also a big fan of this episode showing that Bill does not care about the well-being of his so-called friends (which is even more outright in the uncut storyboard version of this scene)

really cementing the fact that not only does Bill see himself above mortals, but above everyone and really the only apparent reason they are friends is because they support Bill and he thinks they're fun.

So yeah it is absolutely possible for Bill to regard Ford on a similar level as them, maybe even above them. Finally, let's talk about the penthouse scene because I have a lot of feelings about that one.

After attempting to charm Ford, Bill's first move in trying to negotiate is talking about his old dimension and how restricting and narrow-minded it was. Already brought this scene up earlier but honestly the fact that he just drops that on Ford is wild to me.

Like, this is the same guy who, according to the Axolotl, yearns for his old dimension but denies to himself that he deeply regrets destroying it. Bill hates showing vulnerability. He hates even acknowledging it. He only cares for vulnerability if it comes from other people for him to exploit!

So him telling Ford that his dimension was awful and he was genuinely miserable there is huge. Not just him telling Ford that, but also just the expression? The tone? This is the most sincere Bill has ever been throughout the show and possibly the most sincere he's been in decades, centuries, millennia, God knows. Even if it's still filtered through a lie he's been telling himself for most of his life.

And yeah obviously, Bill was desperate and needed Ford to help him at this point but I think it would've been "easier" for Bill to just. Maybe try and solve the barrier problem himself. Ford figured it out, so surely Bill can at least try instead of, Idk, laying his heart out to the person who has dedicated his life to killing him.

I think Bill tried to make Ford relate to him in this scene for the sake of getting him to join but also maybe, just maybe, Bill craved connection? Dude's a lot more sentimental than he seems and lets on and spending an eternity only befriending people who you'll put below yourself after killing everyone you've ever known has got to get lonely.

Not that I think Bill truly saw ford as an equal, Absolutely Not, but I think Bill saw in Ford someone who could understand him. Someone who, at least for a short time, just simply enjoyed and appreciated his company as a friend. Maybe even a more naive version of Bill himself who hasn't yet realized what's good for him, which is really ironic because Ford is the one ended up stirring his life into a positive direction where he can be truly happy again, while Bill revels in his own misery.

Well. So much about this eleven second long scene I think about way too hard 👍

Bill then goes into his whole tangent about just trying to free the dimension of restrictions and making it into a fun and better world which is reflected in the Journal 3 messages from earlier and ends up on this:

Because this is what Bill believes to be Ford's ideal. He wants knowledge and admiration? Why here you go! Surely there's no reason Ford wouldn't agree to helping Bill now, right?? He's offering him everything he could ever want! He'd be part of his group! Everyone gets what they want!

And again, yeah Bill could've just made things up and immediately tossed Ford to the side as soon as he would've given him the equation to break the barrier, but that little scene where he talks to Ford about his old home dimension just. Really drives it home for me that he does in some way truly sees Ford as his friend. Y'know, on top of literally everything else I talked about here.

EDIT: Like the fool I am, I forgot to bring up a point about Bill keeping Ford alive during Weirdmageddon despite Ford posing a huge threat to him which is odd but uuh just read this, it pretty much covers it.

#oops its just another post about how the triangle has issues #gf #bill tag #ford tag #do i put this in the tags. sure why not #gravity falls #bill cipher

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xjulixred45x · 1 year ago

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Satoru Gojo/Suguru Geto x Carrie White like-Reader

Genre: long Headcanons/Drabbles

Reader: female

Warnings: LONG POST, Reader has a Personalilty and background like Carrie White (of Stephen King) so, is very shy, quiet, kind but has traumas with BULLYING, ABUSIVE HOUSEHOLD, ABUSIVE MOTHER, Religion themes, ,etc. Reader has telekinesis/mental Powers, Angst/comfort, Fluff. The mother of reader may or may not die horribly

Hope You enjoy! Specially @thecuriousquest and @trancylovecraft

Satoru Gojo

Regardless of whether he met you at Jujutsu Tech or when he graduated, he definitely noticed that something about you was unusual, not in a bad way, but that something was wrong... You were very withdrawn and shy, but being only a group of 4 students (if you met him at school), you would have to open up, but it was something very complicated to do. Gojo being Gojo tried to get you out of your shell by telling you funny things, welcoming you to the group along with Geto and Shoko, erc. When he noticed that you didn't even eat at school, he even offered you some of his own, which you denied until there was simply no point in going against him and you ate more. Satoru found you endearing in a way. But he definitely noticed more worrying things. for example, when you had your first period at school. god, the way you were SO SCARED and disturbed definitely left an impression on him, you didn't even know what period was! What kind of parents don't explain this to their daughter!? and it wasn't even the worst. You were scared that your mother (? You were crying so hard that he barely heard you) was going to punish you.... WHAT!?!

NOW, Satoru knew that you came from a non-sorcerer background, and yes, he can understand the fear of punishment for using your powers (which are fucking cool) without responsibility -- but a punishment for having your period? And on top of that you saw all this as a divine punishment for disobeying your mother... Gojo was definitely much more attentive to your family environment after that. something smelled VERY bad with your family. Sure, understand that most Non-Sorcerers don't believe in curses and maybe that would be your case, but this...wasn't looking good. Apart from the fact that he tried to cheer you up after that incident, whether it was helping you train, making comments that he knew would make you happy (he loves to see you smile, he wants you to do it more often), inviting you to the outings he had with Geto and Shoko , etc. Although he definitely got a little scared when you used your Ritual Technique, the way you went into a catatonic state and became an unstoppable force of destruction was a HUGE change from your normal self.

He was always able to calm you down when your technique was too much to handle. And besides, he was very useful, he made sure you knew that. and above all, that was REALLY a blessing. I think that when things get more serious he will directly ask you to go live in the academy dormitories or, of course, his house. He doesn't trust your mother in the slightest, and the feeling is mutual. He only met her ONCE and he absolutely despised her, but he tried to be "respectful" because despite everything, you love your mother. Although she did not return the favor. She was crazy, always talking to you like you were a plague. Let's say he was this 🤏close to doing something he would later regret (or not). It left him upset, tired, slightly homicidal and with an immediate desire to hug you for having to deal with this woman your entire life.

someone makes fun of you? Gojo will destroy them in seconds, either with a beating or simply leaving their pride in the ground. If we talk about more advanced terms of relationship (and in the current time), Gojo can't stand seeing you see yourself as someone "contaminated" (in any case for him, you are only contaminated with bad thoughts about yourself that he will gladly destroy)

Gojo loves to pamper you, regardless of whether it's with pampering or material gifts, although he likes the shy expressions you make when you receive either of the two much more, it just makes him want to give you a big hug because you're so adorable!

He likes the clothes you make for yourself, but he is definitely going to buy you QUALITY clothes that YOU WANT to wear, no matter how unconservative they are. Lots of nicknames, seriously, it seems like he always has a new one or a cheesy variation, especially if he sees that you're tired or had a bad day. He can always bring out his most joking side, yes, but knowing your context, he is more interested in letting you know that he loves you. I can see him taking you to the psychologist sincerely, he tells the higher ups that it is because of the connection of your mental state with your ritual technique, but he really doesn't want to have to see you as you were in your youth, mainly. (that and he'll probably send your mother to a mental institution or, with luck, jail. You don't have to worry about that, Gojo already took care of it) He is quite patient with your nervous breakdowns as a result of your upbringing and your skills, there are times when you accidentally break something and due to anguish your powers end up getting out of control, breaking more things. and you end up reduced to a mess of apologies and tears. It breaks his heart to see what THAT WITCH your mother put you through. He makes sure you didn't hurt yourself trying to fix it and assures you that he's fine, he has a lot of money, he didn't like those dishes to begin with, he can always buy another one, things like that so you understand that he doesn't care about that. In any case, he only cares about you, and your well-being.

He makes sure to take you to Dr. Shoko every time you have a mission where you used your powers, he's afraid you might have a brain hemorrhage if you push yourself too hard. He may even buy you candy to do the same thing he did at the beginning, stimulate his brain. If it accidentally makes you a sweet tooth, it will probably just make him buy more from you (again, you're too cute when you look all comfortable and happy). VERY PROTECTIVE, he knows very well what your triggers are, so he evades them as if it were the black plague. And God forbid the higher ups want to use you as a weapon, Gojo will give them the scare of their lives. only to then have a cuddle session with you when he get home. In general, very protective and loving towards you, he will not allow you to be hurt or harmed, and he will compensate for all the time without love that you have had to endure by giving you very high doses of care, patience and of course, love.

Suguru Geto

He probably meet you in Jujustu Tech.

Similarly to Gojo, he could tell that you probably didn't come from a good background, but he was more subtle about it and tried to approach you in small but sure steps. That's how he found out that you came from a family of Non-Sorcerers. okay, it makes sense now that you have so little knowledge of the world of Jujustu, he understands it well coming from a family like that himself. Although of course, he could notice very quickly that unlike him, you did not have a good relationship with your family, or rather, you were very afraid of them. It was quite noticeable in his eyes due to your nervous and quiet nature. If an incident like your period occurs, he is definitely the one who try to calm you down and console you the most, assuring you that no, it is not a divine punishment, it is something normal, and that no, he is not angry with you, everything is fine. He want to give your family the benefit of the doubt at first and think that since you come from an EXTREMELY religious home and you just had your period in your junior year (17-18 years old) your family probably didn't see the need to tell you. It's a strange excuse, especially when he sees the pure fear you had when they mentioned the possibility of calling your mother. He prefers you to say it yourself, but Geto definitely thinks (knows) that you come from a bad background. so he try to make you stay on Jujustu tech as much as possible. He tries to help you adapt to both Jujustu's world and his companions, whether it's bridging conversations, helping you with homework, just as Gojo can ask you out as a group, etc.

Did you see that Carrie in some adaptations floats with her powers? imagine doing that with Geto! either make your classmates float with your powers or float yourself, flying near the school with Suguru nearby with one of his curses in case you fall. He is much more comfortable with that carefree and calm expression on your face instead of the constant nerves. and he is quite shocked when he sees you using your powers in fights, the brutality, the anger behind all that power, surprised him, but more like a fascination than anything else. You are blessed with your powers, he can see it, but unfortunately Non-Sorcerers don't see it that way. ESPECIALLY your mother.

At first, Suguru is subtle with his dislike for your mother, again, try to give her the benefit of the doubt, but if he gets to know her sincerely it will only make him go from dislike to TOTAL DISGUST for the woman. If he sees how she treats you, GOD HELP HER, he's going to scare her to death with his curses and tell her directly NOT to lay a hand on you. and then they'll probably go eat something with you (he might even go visit his parents, out of nowhere he feels kind of grateful that AT LEAST they're not like your mom)

You are linked more by your similar (but very different) origins. a lot of compliments, and he always ALWAYS manages to make you smile (he tried to make a double meaning joke ONCE and it took you an hour to understand it on your own, you turned out like an adorable tomato! so now he says from time to time one to see Your reacction). Also be very careful that you do not use your powers excessively, no matter how fascinating they are, know that there can be SERIOUS consequences if you do not limit their use. If we talk about the most current times (when Geto becomes corrupted) chances are that you have also finally reached your breaking point (like the dance scene in the movie, only change you don't die!) (BRO, IMAGINE IF YOUR MOTHER WAS PART OF THE TENGEN CULT AND THEY WERE THE ONE'S WHO YOU TOOK OUT ALL THE YEARS OF ABUSE, IT WOULD BE EPIC bonus Geto just fell in love for the second time)

Speaking of more advanced terms of relationship, Geto is very determined that the ideas your mother put in your head disappear completely, but precisely by putting you in a position of power (the power you never had before). He wants to help you by giving you a sense of control and security. Mimiko and Nanako adore you, you and they have SO much in common that it's normal for them to see you in a similar light to Geto (it would be an absolute BONUS if you were on the mission where Geto saved them, again, super epic). Did you see that Carrie in the movies can even read minds? You and Geto will probably use this to your advantage to select Monkeys with a lot of money (and if you discover that they are lying, Geto will kill them right away, while he has you on his lap cuddling you :3). Similarly to Gojo, you are very spoiled, although with some differences.

Compliments are still Suguru's main love language, but he's also a very physical person, wanting to keep you around almost all the time (except maybe when he kills monkeys, knowing that you still feel kind of bad about it) so there's also a lot of PDA between you, hugs, kisses, cuddles, headpats, etc. Geto really can't get enough.

Someone makes fun of You? Well, not anymore:)

He becomes especially cuddly when you're tired from using your powers and you cling to him, you're too cute. If you still have some kind of nervous breakdown because of your upbringing, Geto and the twins will most likely do a ✨cuddle pudle✨ while they calm you down.

If you somehow don't kill your mother, worry not, Geto will do it for You:) He is also willing to get rid of anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable (if that person is a Non-Sorcerer it is a plus). going👏shopping👏 especially with Mimiko and Nanako, it's like an almost "normal" family activity. Speaking of, the family respects you a lot (you can bet that some of them even have a certain crush on you, but they don't say it out of respect for Geto). Similarly to Gojo, he really likes to buy you things that he thinks you might like or would like to see you wear, traditional and fine clothing, sweet food, if you have a favorite hobby you probably have special materials, etc.

mortally protective, although he includes you in his plans, at the first sign that something is wrong he will go straight to protect you (or kill whatever endangers you). and he has a lot of experience with your situation, so he is the king of comfort. GOD FORGET THE SORCERERS TO COME FOR YOU, he may be making exceptions to his rule-- Overall, he loves you more than anything, he will make sure to take good care of you and give you all the love, appreciation and luxury that you deserve.

Shares, reblogs, and comments are very welcome!

Soon i will make a Platonic versión!! Love ya❤️

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laufire · 7 months ago

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I don’t know if you’re still doing the AU ask game but what are your thoughts on the “Jason and Damian meet each other via LOA” au? I know you’re writing a young justice au and that’s basically canon in that universe right? I don’t headcanon them knowing each other early in mainline canon but as a separate au/elseworld sort of thing it does intrigue me

if my inbox is open, consider it fair game for any asks (from a game or otherwise) you might send :P

when it comes to mainline canon, no, I don't headcanon them knowing each other during the lost days era, and that goes into my own headcanons on the al ghuls and damian's upbringing.

my view in that respect takes some things from what morrison built with damian into account, but ignores anything that's in contradiction with batman: son of the demon. the result is, among other things, that I 100% believe talia tried to put damian up for adoption, but ra's caught up to it. the years later, in part as a punishment, in part because of his need to be the most (maybe the only) important person in talia's life, as well as a desire to control, and to mold damian specifically, ra's limited how much damian and talia were in each other's lives. am I the only one who sees some parallels with bruce's parenting here btw.

in my head this means that, at most (and this is something I do use in some WIPs), damian got to see jason from afar when he was catatonic, maybe a few times. later... well, after jason almost kills bruce before stopping himself, talia definitely doesn't want them to meet. if she ever contemplated the option of introducing them (probably never that seriously, just as a distant possibility if at all) after jason started to kill on behalf of victims, particularly children, she weighted the options (jason's protectiveness over children vs. his bruce issues) and decided not to.

now, for the young justice cartoon fic! it is true that jason and damian know each other day, since damian was born specifically. but this doesn't happen in the league of assassins (league of shadows in the show) because by the time damian is born, the al ghuls have left the league LOL.

I actually headcanon that the al ghul's left the league BECAUSE damian was going to be born. I think talia put her foot down and ra's actually listened, and decided he'd accomplish his goals in a way that would compromise for his daughter's desires (young justice makes room for both bruce AND ra's to be better parents. ain't that something lol).

as for some headcanons about jason and damian in this 'verse! (which will be canon. in my fic. xDD)

the (canon) birthdates for them are 1999 for jason, and 2018 for damian. that's an almost 20 years gap and imo it significally affects how they relate to one another. in many ways, jason is a quasi-parental figure more than a brotherly one (he wouldn't call damian his son, but he's... his brother, his kid... his, you know?). at the beginning of the fic, when they're hiding from the new league of shadows, their cover is actually father and son lol.

related to the above: I headcanon that yes, this one time jason and talia do have a biiiiiiiit of a surrogate mother-son relationship (talia was born in 1984 btw). BUT. only because it comes with heavy doses of spousification/parentification lol. this contributed to that kind of dynamic with damian, because in this world talia's pregnancy was complicated, damian's health was at risk when he was born, talia had one hell of a post-partum depression... basically, despite the fact that jason himself wasn't at his peak then (canonically he just started regaining some memories after this), talia relied a lot on him at this time. if bruce can do it with HIS robins... xD

re: jason's health. he dies in 2013, and yet in 2018, when he has his first appearance on the show, he's not recovered (he doesn't say much, he struggles when he does, and we're told he has memory issues). my personal headcanon is that this jason doesn't go into the pit and recovers the long, hard way. I love giving characters chronic issues so I've decided he has aphasia. mostly expressed with difficulties talking, but sometimes reading as well. this was all to say that by the time my fic starts damian is six and he's gotten in the habit of reading to jason (has been learning to read by doing this, actually lol). this includes political/philosophical books that are definitely not aimed at kids his age (but damian's upbringing, albeit not as terrible as in the mainline, has been sui generis), but also "the demon headmaster", because jason think he's really funny.

I've decided to take one of the few things I liked about how they wrote dcau!jason (but with my own spin) and given him an older bio sister. the age different wasn't AS big as with him and damian, but circumstances conspired so that dani had to take care of jason on the streets (in this canon, I have her as barely 17 when she died, with jason as 10 when he meets bruce). jason picked up on quite a few things from her.

due to several reasons (including the fact that the joker's been dead for a while, at harley's hands), jason is less interested in a utrh-type crusade here. he's instead put it all on damian. he's who he'd die for and kill for and fight the entire world for.

#replies #kittycatninja321 #ty! i had a lot of fun answering this one :D #talking to he void #my thoughts #dc #dc comics #young justice #young justice wip #dc thoughts #dcau #jason todd #damian al ghul #damian wayne #talia al ghul #bat clan

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a-funeral-pyre · 7 months ago

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May Day Parade - Round 3: free space

Once again for @queer-ragnelle 's initiative. I am officially unable to write anything but angst, so this is what I came up with. Since I already wrote about Mordred and I mean to write about Gawain, I thought it was fair to try with the other Orkney brothers. So here it is:

You always knew you were a sinner.

There is more blood on your hands than your uncle wants to see spilled. You felt no mercy as Lamorak coughed up blood and begged to be spared.

But at least you never betrayed your king.

You wonder if he will remember when he sees your body. If this time he will top defending the man who dared to continue to smile at him after getting into his bride's bed.

If he can finally open his eyes and see all the rot that lurks in his shining court.

But you do not want to hope too much. He will probably regret the traitor's loss more than yours. And even if he doesn't, none of your companions will shed a tear for you.

You've made too many enemies in this life. You have never regretted it until this moment.

You don't even know if, given the chance to survive, you would go back. It would be nice to know that someone will miss you. But you would never be able to mend the bonds you broke in your desire to rise above others. Once you put out the fire of envy, you don't know what else could be driving you.

You did not even manage to eliminate the man you most wanted to see fall. And even if his treachery has been discovered, your life will not be considered by anyone too high a price for the revelation of his disloyalty.

You will be remembered only as the wild son of Orkney, thirsty for blood and revenge, and many will sleep better once they hear of your passing. If the thought gave you comfort while you were alive, now you only wish you hadn't spent your life hating those who were brighter than you.

Maybe then your end would have been happier. You probably wouldn't even have died the same way.

At least you wouldn't be here, bleeding out alone, on the cold floor of the room of two blasphemous lovers. When you watched Lamorak take his last ragged breaths, you did not think it would happen to you.

But, if you had someone to call a friend by your side, it would not be so hard to wait for nothing to come.

You manage to block your thoughts before they can degenerate. They will not help you right now, just as they did not help you in life.

It was not out of loyalty that you avenged your uncle's honor. Part of you hopes he does not notice.

You just want to feel like it was worth getting to this point.

…

Your mother would laugh at you if she were here.

She has every right to do so. The man who treacherously killed her, eliminated without warning by a traitor. You would laugh too, if breathing wasn't too painful.

This day would have been hard enough to bear without ending with your death, and with Gareth's cries ringing in your head while you are unable to move and look for him.

It is the right punishment for someone like you, and you are not blind enough not to recognize it.

You would not have wanted to let your queen burn, despite her guilt. But you were not as kind to your own blood. And even if that was not why Lancelot wanted to kill you, you cannot help but feel like fate is punishing you.

But by now, it is too late to regret. At least you are certain that this was the fate you deserved. You could not escape your damnation forever.

You should have no reason to cry for your life. Not after everything you have done. You should have known that sooner or later you would pay for your sins, and your end would not be peaceful.

At least you will see Agravain again. You will burn together, struck down by the same hand. You never thought the thought would bring you comfort.

But Gareth should not be here dying with you. There was no reason why he should pay too.

And there will be someone who will suffer your end in your place. Your uncle has already lost a nephew, a spouse, and a friend. And even if he may accept it, Gawain will not. You listened as he asked you not to participate in the execution.

You do not deserve Lynette's tears.

At least you will not see their mourning. At least you will never know what will happen next, when you are no longer here.

Death brings more death. You have witnessed this many times. And you know that your end is just the beginning. Your brother will not let this act go unpunished.

It's not worth it. Maybe for Gareth. But not for you.

But through your clouded eyes you find no one alive to tell. The blood trail has already been traced. The downfall of Camelot has begun, and you will not be able to stop it. You are dying alone and a sinner, and everything around you is burning.

You try to speak, but only smoke from the fire fills your lungs as you take your last breath. Mother, you try to call, are you satisfied now?

…

You should never have come here.

You should not have agreed to watch the death of the woman you swore to serve and honor. Perhaps, despite her guilt, you should have tried to prevent this sentence from falling on her.

At least she is safe. But, if you had resisted – if only you had decided to follow Gawain and walk away from this place until the ashes had cooled – you would be too.

You just expected that you would contemplate an end you should have opposed to, go home, and try to shake off the memory. You did not believe your life would end instead.

You did not think he would be the one to hit you.

You would not have stopped him. If you had had the courage, you would have joined him. You remember the last words you spoke – you vaguely remember trying to call him, telling him you were not going to fight him, begging him to save the queen.

It was not enough.

You do not want to blame him. Maybe if Lyonesse had been in Guinevere's place, you would have done the same thing he did, even if it meant breaking your vows.

But, even when your soul has completely detached from your body, you will not forget the look on his face as he hit you. The fury, the blind desire to pour blood and fire into the world just so he would not lose everything.

He hated you as his blade fell upon you. His eyes killed you before the metal.

If you had survived, maybe you would have had to fight him. Maybe you would have had to face his contempt again anyway. And you would have had to live with the fact that, after today, he became an enemy.

But this awareness does not save you as you drown in the cold and darkness, with the memory of your last meeting burning inside you.

For a moment you wish you had died before you met your wife, when you had not revealed the truth yet. You would have died anyway, but it would not have been with the knowledge that your world was poisoned and about to collapse. It would not have been with the thought of what Lyonesse will feel when they bring her your bod. It wouldn't be by the hand of the man you considered a friend.

If you had died before, you would not be here wondering what will be the fate of your now too torn family, of the kingdom you swore to protect and of whose fall you will be only one of the first victims.

If you could get up, if you still had the strength to speak, you would go to your uncle and beg him not to shed any more blood. To give up his revenge, not to allow others to end up like you.

But you're too busy wishing for your agony to be short to try. You can only pray – and desperately try to ignore the awareness that your prayers will go unanswered.

#arthuriana #my writing #may day parade #queer-ragnelle #agravain #gaheris #gareth #angst #arthurian legends #lancelot

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his-writing-blog · 11 months ago

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Crazy for you, oh boy | Shane x Harvey

Quick tags not in tags: suicidal thoughts mentioned, getting together, mostly fluff, bit of dark humor, they were friends before that, ooc sewers

Shane stood by the Saloon's bar in his usual spot. Also as usual, he was holding a pint of beer in his arm. And in his usual manner, Shane took a sip of his drink. Usually, his mind would be plauged by the visions (getting to work at jojamarkt next day).

Yoba, how he hated that place. He wouldn't work there anymore if he had any say in it. Sadly, he needed that money. Plus, he can't just leave poor Sam alone within the land of Tartarus under the lead of Krotos (Morris).

What was unusuall tonight, was the lack of thoughts regarding his little hell. Tonight his mind was stuck in the purgatory of longing after a feeling. A feeling that he wished for harder with each gramm of the alcohol in his blood.

Shane wasn't prone to those soul minglings before being brought back from the dead at The Clinic. The sight of his momentary guardian asleep on the fucking plastic stool, leaned agains the wall, legs curled to his chest and prepped against Shane's bed frame, made the ex-alcocholic stirr something deep inside of his chest and reset in his brain. He didn't think he could go back to looking at the man the same way he did before. In seconds, Harvey got promoted from being this mystical doctor seen by Shane once when he was running late to his job, to a real person that Shane wanted to get closer to.

Shane wouldn't have known what to call his current feeling if it wasn't for the new farmer, Laura. For someone so disorganised as him, Laura could muster up some good advice when coherent enough.

"The desire to be desired. And the desire to desire that thing the same way." Laura told Shane. He stopped in his track after hearing that. And then he burst out laughing. "What? If I didn't desire to pass down my legacy and Guiliermo didn't desire to be owned by me specifically, we wouldn't have each other!" She picked up her cat up to Shane's face. The orange cat looked at him right in the eye, as if challenging him. To what, Shane had no idea. But the devil's youngling must have sensed his lack of defense and meowed loudly in victory. Shane just turned around and went back to Marnie after loosing the one sided battle. He heard the farmer's laughter goes quiet as he walked.

Closing his eyes, Shane could almost see Harvey's face staring at him fondly. His mind tried to imagine his expression change to more passionate one. Shane tried not to let his mind take control. The more thoughts of this calliber, the most likely he was to send his addictions to the bottom of the cliffs alongside with him.

He looked down at his glass, half full with a beer. It was supposed to be his first and only one tonight. But with how things were going, Shane was tempted to throw the glass across the whole local and preach the words of his soul. How he felt because of the booze. How the will feel because of the booze. How it could ruin their life as hard as it ruined his. How one drink led to another to another to another to another to another to another to anot-

Warm chocolate eyes blinked at him right before his face. Shane relaxed his grip on the glass. He pushed it towards Gus, dropped some coins on the counter and left. He ignored the looks given by the townfolks and let himself fall into the fresh breeze outside. He stood in front of the darkness that loomed over the town at the edge of the forest. Without any more thought, he let himself be swallowed by it. It wasn't long before his eyes got used to the lack of the warm radiation of laps lit up around the town. The sky was truely one of the main reasons why Shane didn't get with his plans. Constelations of unwandered paths streched right above his small and meaningless life. Glittering and saying that maybe it was worth being there even if just to marvel at their beauty for a fleeting moment.

Shane wandered around the forest, his gaze lost in the stars, mind still by the fond eyes it couldn't bare to leave behind. He didn't know how long he was out there untill he saw the edge of the cliffs. Instead of heading acrossthe grass, Shane followed the overgrown path. It led to a narrow stairs that led to the large pipe that finished (or started?) the maze of sewer canals spread under the town. Drunk Shane liked to joked that it was an underground mirror reflecting the spiralls and labirynths made by stars. As if an artist scribbled down the unseen paths between stars and the pages landed on the desk of a rough engineer who tried and failed to recreate their grace.

As Shane marveled upon the genius of the cosmic blueprint, a quiet song was to be heard. He looked around, trying to find its source. After seeing nobody at the forest's clearing and no soul on the beach below, Shane was sure that it was coming from inside the pipe. His body tensed up, ready to initiate a fight or flight revalation at whatever might come from the sewer. The thing is, Shane would be nothing wothout his brain. And his brain, soothed by the strange melody, didn't want to response accordingly. So he sat at the top of the stairs, entranced by how sweet the sounds were. He was almost lulled to sleep by it when he started to sway to the rythm lightly. He got startled when he heart someone sing along the tune. What shocked him more was the fact that the voice was coming from his mouth. The words to the song came to him with a blink of an eye. Shane let himself be taken by the melody's current. And with a small smile on his lips, he sang.

"Harvey, nobody knows what I see."

#shane x harvey #harvey x shane #not gonna tag under names/sdv because ik how annoying it gets to see not liked ships under general tags #but they are from sdv do not be fooled #i might have inserted myself into shane a little bit but he's just too relatable #anyways #perchance.#I'm sleep deprived #not sure how correctly it is written bc english is my second language #so it might be polish gramma with english words #big letters/small letters are all intentional. it's The Clinic and jojamarkt bc fuck you #we disrespect jojamarkt here #i didn't proofread it before posting #i will read it in the morning and continue #I'm already saying that I played sdv just for a little bit and still don't have some places unlocked #i have no idea what is in the sewers but i'm using them here

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zatna · 5 months ago

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i know i know, i'll give my first chapter review of z:bdth!! personals leave me alone i do NOT fuck with u.

review: its good. 10/10 (no one expected anything less).

now my silly little thoughts:

it opens with with zatanna being ridiculed for messing up a ball-disappearing trick, then promptly going to her father for some advice on real magic. zatanna's backstory has never been heavily consistent, even in her early origin days, so to see an actual scene where she's younger and doing her own actions.. it's different than the regular flashbacks we've been getting with her that just exist as a sort of "here's how magic works" to the general audience.

this page above is SOO GOOD i'll be thinking about it for the rest of my life. the colors, the shapes, the poses for both young zee & her father.. i'm glad they're bringing attention to their relationship prior to magic teaching, because it creates a distance between them that we don't see a lot, but i consider all the time. zatanna's most remarkable teacher was her father, yes, but zatanna had way more years of self-teaching than being a mentee to someone else. giovanni had never wanted to teach her anything beyond a few simple spells, and for a man who spent his life fighting supernatural horrors and threats i don't blame the fact he didn't want his daughter going into the world-- even though it's apparent they're both consumed by it already. the magical tomes, books, the obscure objects (floating or not), typical assistant bunnies. smthn smthn a visual clash of the two types of magicians we see in the room. giovanni's face is shadowed in, he's mysterious and direct, if not somewhat dismissive: "you said you'd teach me magic..." "did i?"

this could be read as not dismissive as well, since in the next scene she does use magic. so maybe he indulged her. but the spell was definitely not what she asked for and looks way more like a strong desire that developed into a spellcast out of emotion alone. maybe she grabbed one of his books when he wasn't looking, or we can go a different route and assume giovanni did teach her that spell, a backwards lesson of the difference between parlor tricks and real magic. he's always written as very coddling of zatanna, so to see him even demand her to "speak up." when she's got her head down was a bit of a surprise in itself, i don't know what he might've done..

i will never get tired of overpowered children having to deal with the fact they're overpowered children. this is the second time, that i can remember at least, where a younger zatanna had used her powers in a scenario where she thought they were justified, only to deal with the cruel consequences after the damage is done. how zee wielded magic in her youth, intentional or not, drastically impedes how she views it in her adult life. she's scared of it, this immeasurable power that responds to her slightest command. its a type of power that grown men yearn for, but giving it to a critical, impulsive child that's still learning the world around them, the people around them, and it'll just end up as a disaster and they'll grow to fear it.

nothing is important here besides the first signs of something is wrong, with her bunnies being cowered as far from her as they can while one bites in retaliation. ok there's like, smthn big going on but just look at the fact zatanna wears boxers... shes so hot. also transfem. thanks.

also omg little notes is the magic poster of herself being a wall for the rest of the kitchen. identical top hats on shelves. the drawn out man on the wall with knives sticking out of it jksgjkds. you can't see it exactly in this crop but there's just a bucket of chains and cuffs... she's such a weirdo... get another hobby im begging u. also mattress-on-the-floor zatanna is real and she is out to get you.

just a casual shadow of a creature following your shadow, no big deal. idk if the book will go this route, i think it's just another *team-up with someone who won't ever appear again in any continuity, but i like to think this is a canonical example of the consequences of zatanna under-using her magic. enter me forcing my headcanons and portrayal onto panels that definitely represent something else. anyway i'd like to think her magical presence becomes so dense when there's no "output" on her magic, and it's the equivalent of dangling a steak in front of a carnivore... or a carnivore's shadow. it's a mirror to when magic wielders overdo their own magical output, leaving them drained and instead an itty bitty fish in front of a carnivore. foods still food. i'm done with these metaphors i hope everyone caught the gist already..

pretending to hypnotize someone is so silly of her. but even more importantly there's a justice league mention oh wow!! and she turned them down :( zatanna's passion of the stage was very much outweighing the possibility of being a hero. this, as far as i'm concerned, has always been a fact. zatanna desired stardom and was perfectly content to sticking on stage, it was her fathers disappearance that had her jumping through mystical hurdles.

at this point on i'm not gonna post anymore panels because im lazy and this is getting so ridiculously long and also you should read it yourself. but i'm happy they're incorporating the fact zatanna doesn't use real magic on stage. outside of the premise of this series, where she has a present fear of it, zatanna in the past was of the stern belief that she shouldn't need to, and so she didn't. these lines kinda got blurred, and then discarded completely, and then now her main act is using illusionary magic and leaving it up to the audience to decide if it was real or not. i like both interpretations, personally, but it's nice to see the former again.

a bit of a disappointment that this is yet another zatara-led storyline.. or maybe this is just where it starts? you'd think they've run out of "cleaning up my fathers messes" plotlines but you'd be wrong!

*team-up wise smells like yuri... even better it smells like doomed yuri so i'm here for it for as long as it'll stick around.

#(✦) ꮻꮻꮯ ;#cracks my knuckles.#hello zatna dot tumblr dot com followers.. we r so back #i want to talk about this so much so everyone add my on discord or msg me in IMs thanks

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tinysnailtales · 6 months ago

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Thoughts from reading Yona of the Dawn Ch. 2

It's interesting how Hak views Soo-Won and Yona as an inevitability. He also sets himself aside for the two of them. And his phrasing: ""I've been watching them for a long time" – he positions himself as an outsider.

"I want them to be happy together."

But oh! does he look sad. He does not consider his own happiness or desires. He doesn't allow himself to. And part of that comes from duty and part of it comes from his genuine affection for Yona and Soo-Won.

And maybe...like Yona, he puts the happiness of the one he loves above himself.

Part of the conversation on selfish/selfless love: is it selfless to put the happiness of your loved ones above all? Or is it selfish because it puts your wants above all (if what you want most is for them to be happy) + because you do a disservice to them by hiding your own feelings?

But that "I want them to be happy together" over King Il's blood dripping from Soo-Won's sword– oh, it is so good.

Soo-Won literally slicing through his bonds to Hak and Yona (and King Il). Or at least trying. And while Yona is obviously not happy, though Soo-Won accomplished his goal, he's not happy either. (Sorry Hak, you don't get your wish).

We get Soo-Won vs. Yona, with the legacy of King Il between/hanging over them.

Also enter the phase of determined Soo-Won and wide-eyed, shocked Yona.

"What are you saying? Y...you're not...someone who'd do that..." "You have no idea." – Soo-Won calls out and emphasizes Yona's ignorance, shatters her world and point-of-view. All that mattered to her was Soo-Won and he says she didn't even know him. And after taking King Il's life, he leaves her with what must feel like nothing (she has Hak, but not here, and I don't think she realizes his importance to her yet).

"Why...? My father...cared about you so much, ever since you were little..." "That's true. And I loved King Il very much." Soo-Won not only shatters Yona's world, but complicates it. Shows her how things are not what they seem and not straight forward. Life and feelings are messy and tangled. Soo-Won loves King Il but still killed him. And love was what Yona thought she understood.

"People called him a coward and said he feared battle because he was kind. However...that wasn't the truth. Not a shred of it was true." – again, the parallels between King Il and Soo-Won: "You have no idea [who I really am]" + everyone's perception of King Il "wasn't the truth." Soo-Won believes what both he and King Il presented to others is not who they were/are underneath. That their kindness and smiles acted as masks. But that is just what he believes. I think he's lying to himself in saying that there's no truth in how they acted and were perceived by others.

"The throne is not what matters to me. I'll continue to fight on the front lines...to defend my brother and our people" – Soo-Won's version of history, like Yona's belief that her uncle died in an accident, seems biased and like it contains some false information. There's more to the story here. But Yu-Hon's assertion that defending the people matters more than the throne speaks to Yona and her future.

Yona cannot believe that someone she loves would do something like this. How can the Soo-Won who gave her the hairpin and the one who killed her father be the same person?

Again– Soo-Won shows her how things are not what they seem and not straight forward. Life and feelings are messy and tangled.

Her understanding of the world will have to be made anew.

"Why did you come here, Princess Yona?"

"I wanted to tell him...that I'd never be able to give up on you. I wanted...to tell my father..." – Soo-Won is shocked by Yona's dedication to him and her quiet strength and determination.

The contrast in their reasons for going to King Il hits hard. It's almost an act of violence vs. an act of protection, an act of revenge vs. an act of love.

The contrasting shades of Soo-Won–and he switches between them all so quickly. Who is he really on the inside?

"This is for the good of the kingdom" – words hanging over Yona. I know he means her death, but I think Yona + her life moving forward is really what is for the good of the kingdom.

"Did he hate me? For so long...ever since I was little...Soo-Won has been all that mattered to me. I never...asked for very much. Just seeing him smile would have made me happy." Aww, Yona. This goes back to my thoughts on Yona + selfless/selfish love and Soo-Won being the light of her existence. I don't know if Yona could imagine a larger existence, and Soo-Won was her guiding light. Now she doesn't have that and he told her she never did. And kind of like Hak, she was fine relegating herself as an observer–just someone who got to see Soo-Won's happiness, with him placed above her and her own desires. But did she allow herself to have any desires beyond Soo-Won? Could she conceive of any?

But after this reaffirmation of Soo-Won = Yona's world, we get Hak in an epic entrance. Yay Hak! Thank you for recognizing something fishy was happening (finally!).

"I'm so sorry to have left your side, princess."

Hak's entrance kind of reframes things– maybe she didn't realize it, but Yona's world has more to it than just Soo-Won (and her father). There's Hak too.

It also reframes Soo-Won vs. Yona to Soo-Won vs. Hak (and Soo-Won vs. Hak and Yona).

Poor Yona is so shattered and shaken, she even doubts Hak: "Hak...are you on my side?" She feels completely abandoned and alone. But Hak will show her otherwise.

"His majesty told me to protect you. No matter what happens...you have my devotion and my obedience" – but interestingly, Hak frames his devotion to Yona as devotion to the King. As something born out of duty rather than personal feelings.

At first, Hak can't even believe Soo-Won's actions. His view of Soo-Won is shattered just like Yona's was. "Did you want power so badly? No...it's not power that interests you" – Hak knows Soo-Won. Or at least he thinks he does. They have (or had) a deep bond. That's why Soo-Won killing King Il is so unfathomable.

Hak also displays his loyalty to King Il here. And his strength in battle.

"This country...has no need for a timid king" – what makes a good king? A question for the story to examine.

Where will Soo-Won go from here? He accomplished his goal of revenge, what next? What kind of king will he be?

Yona can only watch in despair as we get Soo-Won vs. Hak, two people she loves going up against each other. With her caught in the middle. And it is painful for her to see Hak injure Soo-Won. After everything, she doesn't want Soo-Won hurt. She is frozen and broken.

"Was the man I knew...just a facade?" "The man you knew...never existed" – another idea to be explored/a question posed for the story overall.

"I thought I could entrust her highness to you" – the biggest betrayal for Hak.

"The man you knew never existed. If anyone gets in my way...I will destroy them. No matter who it is." – Soo-Won re-centers himself on his goals and insists that Hak and Yona don't matter to him, that he's willing to sacrifice them. Keep lying to yourself, Soo-Won.

"I don't want to hear this. I don't want to hear anymore." – Yona shuts down completely. She cannot take anymore. It's too much.

There is a pain and brokenness in Soo-Won's expression, despite what he says. But this is the path he has chosen, and he is determined to stick to it. At least for the moment.

Just aww (and oh) what a moment! Hak!!

"Where will we go? I...during the party...my father was crying from joy. But I never got to thank him for anything" – Yona feels guilty for how she treated her father and regret and shame for not cherishing him more.

And I think she feels unworthy of Hak and Min-Su's protection and more so their willingness to die for her.

"We'll go anywhere we have to...to keep you alive. That's how we can honor his majesty's memory" – what a wonderful line of comfort (+ hug!) from Hak. It's like he knew the exact right thing to say.

And embracing her, I think he shows how his devotion from a place of duty is all for show– he deeply cares for Yona.

#yona of the dawn #akatsuki no yona #princess yona #yona of the dawn chapter 2 #soo won #son hak #king il #manga #annotations #analysis #close reading #hakyona #yona yapping

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glasswinggames · 6 months ago

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What are their thoughts about marriage and kids?

I want to caveat all of these answers in regardless of what I write in these asks, you are more than welcome to ignore these completely, and they'd be more than fine to go with what the Reader wants.

Athy: She has never really thought about getting married, it wasn't something that was really a concept for her family or in the place she grew up in. Love was seen as fluid and shared, her three parents were seen as unusual for committing to each other even in the informal way they did. But she is not against it, and she enjoys wedding scenes in books, so if you were to recreate a storybook wedding (with all the drama included) she'd actually be excited--

Kids she has no desire for - it's very complicated.

Cai: So, generally, they have no desire for parenthood or marriage. Ideally they would be immortal and not need an heir, and they see themself as above everyone so they wouldn't marry anyone that they don't see as their equal, because they don't want to share their power. However, when they actually fall for someone, they wouldn't dislike the idea of marriage anymore, in fact they'd love to show off both themself and their partner and want it to be a whole week long affair. As for children, at most they'd have one child who was their heir. They don't want more and to have any competition for the throne, they've experienced the consequences of that firsthand.

Helios: He is a family man at heart, and also secretly a romantic, and very much wants that marriage and family life. He would want to propose, because he feels it's his responsibility to do it right this time, but he would be flattered and a little flustered if the reader proposed. As for his kids he'd want two or three children, maybe even four, to match the family dynamic he grew up in.

Jed: Jed doesn't know what marriage is... so unless the Reader brings it up don't expect him to propose on his own. He'd be disinterested in the concept unless you pitch it in a certain way that appeals to his chaotic, monstrous tendencies. As for kids it's the same kind of thing, plus... he also wouldn't be a very good parent... /see previous chaotic, monstrous tendencies. (Oliver would want to be married and would be a great coparent though if you're in a poly with them both!)

Il: As soon as he knows you would say yes he is already on one knee. Being married to the Reader would be a dream come true and he has definitely thought about it more than once. With children he is conflicted because he doesn't want to share the Readers affection... but a little mini version of them would be the most adorable thing ever. So he could be convinced!

Farren: She wants to be married, but for her it would be important to be married in the eyes of nature rather than the law. It's a specific magical ceremony that bonds a soul to another, essentially forging them as soul mates. It's something she'd only do with someone who she believed she would be with forever, so she takes it very seriously and wouldn't say yes easily. For children, she'd have a whole coven of babs if she could-- her and the skellies would be the best family a baby could have.

Eos: They tend to avoid any process that involves the law, and marriage isn't excluded. They'd prefer a less formal, non legal ceremony, but regardless marriage isn't really something important to them. Same with children, they are much older so feel they are passed that point of raising children, and they feel like they've adopted half the young'uns in the city as it is... so they already feel like a parent. It's not something they'd be against though, and would make a good parent. They'd teach their child card tricks and how to pickpocket--

Noah: Maybe in another life, in another world, he'd love to be a husband and parent. Both of these are dreams he gave up a long time ago though, and it would take a lot to convince him that he can have that still. It's all... very complicated and I can't explain why he feels that way without major route spoilers 😅

Thank you for the question 🥰

#ever after: twisted secrets #vn #visual novel #amare #dating sim #indie dev #otome #glasswinggames #ever after asks #ask me anything

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spookychick78 · 1 year ago

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Final Girl

Maybe I’m Amazed

Michael Myers X AFAB!Reader

Warnings: Slight NSFW

Word Count: 1,998

She couldn't tear her eyes away from the bright red trail of blood that led towards the door. She wasn't sure how long Michael had been gone, but she was glad he was for the time being. She needed to process what she was feeling. It wasn't fear, she knew that, but this time felt different. She had seen him injured before, she remembered that, but this time he died. She was sure of it. When he had been stabbed perhaps she should have questioned it then, but now? There was no possible outcome where he should have survived. But he did. What was he?

And why her? She began to think of all the things Loomis had said to her and it made her wonder. Why was she still alive, why did he keep preventing her death and why did he keep saving her from her own deadly desires? Was Loomis right? Was he playing a game in which she ultimately would lose her life? She became angry with herself as her thoughts tormented her. She had once again allowed herself to grow attached to a monster. Only this time, she wasn't even sure he was human. She found herself in the same position she had fled, she couldn't will herself to leave. She knew maybe she should, but the thought of never seeing him again and so many questions going unanswered chained her where she was.

The sound of his boots on the wooden porch signaled his return home. She waited there for him, eyes straight ahead. He walked towards her and stopped just a few feet away. Her head slowly turned in his direction. Usually she was accustomed to the way he looked with just the moonlight illuminating him, but tonight the holes of the mask looked pitch black. Nothing inside them.

"What are you?" She asked softly.

He tilted his head and patiently waited for her to elaborate.

"What are you?" She repeated through gritted teeth.

Perhaps Loomis had made her see him differently or maybe she was just fed up with the silence. He straightened his head and stood deathly still. He had never seen her look at him with anger and she had never questioned him in such a way. She grew more frustrated as he stared back at her.

"Dammit Michael," she said as she pushed herself off the wall to stand in front of him.

She didn't want to resort to yes or no questions, but he wouldn't budge. She knew he wouldn't speak.

"You died," she stated plainly.

He shook his head.

"No, you did I know you did, you weren't breathing," she said, almost demandingly.

He only shook his head again.

She paused for a few moments. Those black holes were making her question her own sanity, why she wasn't afraid.

"Are you human?"

He nodded.

"You can't be," she whispered, mostly to herself.

Nothing made sense. She felt tears building in her eyes and she had to look away from him.

"Why me?" She said, her voice cracked and gave her tears away.

He felt the desperation to make her understand building within him. He had so many answers to give her, but no words. His fists clenched tightly at his sides.

"Why me, Michael?" She was beginning to raise her voice, "Why didn't you kill me, why won't you kill me, why am I here, why me?"

Clenching his fists was no longer any help. He was losing his self control, he could feel it. She looked back up at him expectantly. She had no idea what she was doing to him. She didn't understand.

"What's wrong with me?" She screamed.

Within two strides, his hand was around her throat. He pushed her all the way to the end of the hallway and with a thud, she was up against the wall. The window above them cast an eerie blue light on her face and he finally saw the fear she should have had of him long ago all over her face, but he didn't want that. He had no other way to make her understand and he couldn't fight himself any longer. Without allowing another thought to cloud his mind he reached behind him and pulled the mask off.

Any fears she had faded away. She saw him clearly and in his brown eyes that were no longer shielded by darkness, she found all the answers she needed. She finally understood.

She reached a hand up to his face and let her fingers glide over his warm skin. Touching someone had never felt so thrilling. She made sure to study all of his features individually as if it was the last time she would see them. He was just as human as she was. He was beautiful. She let her hands fall to his arms, but never took her eyes off of his. His breath fell on her skin and she could feel his silent need within the unevenness of it. He was the one asking for permission now. She let her gaze wander to his lips. That subtle glance was all the confirmation he needed.

The mask fell to the ground with a thud as he brought both of his hands to her face. His lips met hers with such force had she not been against the wall, she would have lost her balance. She had never in her life been kissed so passionately before. He was erasing any memories of what she thought had been love before him with each press of his lips. All she wanted was him, all she had ever wanted was him and she knew all he wanted was her. Her body melted as he picked her up off the ground. She let her legs wrap around his waist and her hands hold his face as she kissed him more feverishly than before. He never took his lips off of her's as he carried her into the bedroom. He relished the feeling of her fingers tangling in his hair as he soaked in every detail of the way her skin felt on his. He couldn't get enough. He wanted, no he needed to know what every part of her felt like and he didn't want anything getting in the way. He dropped her on the mattress, she wasted no time before she reached up for the neck of his coveralls and pulled him on top of her. He smiled against her lips, the thought that she too had been desperate to touch him was intoxicating. She was intoxicating.

He was finally getting the peace he so needed within. For the first time his thoughts didn't torment him. He only thought of her. Those thoughts seemed to guide his body and though he had had no experience with any woman before her, it was like he knew what he was doing. It had always only been her and it always would be her. She was the only one he trusted with all of him. He let his hands explore her clothed body, each curve earning more curiosity from him. He wanted to uncover each mystery she had to offer him.

She broke the kiss and looked in his eyes, already breathless. Her fingers were still tangled in his hair. He was confused as to why she had stopped him, but he patiently waited for her to speak.

"What do you want, Michael?"

For the first time in his life he knew exactly what he wanted. He leaned his forehead against hers as his response. She smiled. When he lifted his head he locked back into her gaze. She sat up and began to uncover herself before him. He watched each movement with such intensity it made her blush. He studied her like a work of art in front of him, appreciating every single inch of her body she showed him. She could tell he had never done this before. His innocence made her heart swell, she wished she could offer him the same in return. She wished he would have been her first.

She turned her face away from him to hide her shame. He sensed her sadness and reached his hand out to cup her cheek and turn her back to him. He wanted her to look at him and know he didn't care about her past. It didn't change the way he felt about her, it never had. She let a smile pull at her lips as his brown eyes conveyed his meaning to her. He brought his lips back to hers, gentler this time. He wanted to show her that to him, she was innocent and deserved to be treated as such. He gently laid her back on the bed and let his lips caress not just her lips, but her cheek, her neck, down her chest. He left no part of her untouched or unappreciated. As he made his way back to her lips, he could feel her trying to figure out how to remove his coveralls. He wasted no time in assisting her. He didn't want anything in between them any longer. She pushed the clothing off his shoulders and let her fingers trace his defined chest and abdomen.

He couldn't deny himself another moment without feeling her lips against his. His body hovered over hers, the feeling of her bare skin on his was electrifying, unlike anything he had ever experienced before. Each move made was a new discovery for the two. He felt her hand gently guiding him into her. For a brief moment he felt those same fears trying to claw their way to the surface, trying to convince him he wasn't capable of loving her completely. He lifted his lips off of hers to meet her gaze. He saw himself in her eyes, unmasked, free. There was nothing that was going to keep him from her. Not even himself.

Their bodies joined as one. He had never felt more alive in his life. His love for carnage was nothing compared to the feeling that engulfed him with every move that was made. The sound of her soft moans underneath him made him feel like he was melting into her. All of him was her’s, every inch of his body every piece of the soul he didn't think he had was given to her. She in turn, finally felt she had found someone who was truly deserving of all of her. She gave herself freely and knew not one part of her was being taken for granted. He truly loved her, it was evident in each gentle touch and gentle wasn't something she had expected of him. To be the only one he had ever held so delicately was truly euphoric knowledge.

She clung to him and pulled herself up towards his ear, peppering kisses along his bare skin, "I love you, Michael," she breathed against him.

Her words washed over him. He had never heard those words and believed them, but he knew they were genuine. There was proof in the way her body melded with his. No part of this act he had previously had so much disdain for was lustful. It was so much purer than he ever imagined it could be. Her need for him wasn't carnal, nor was his for her. He was connected with her not just physically, but spiritually. She was his and he was hers.

She could feel his need building and she smiled. She adored his gentleness, but she knew he was restraining himself for her sake. She put her hand against his chest, his heart raced inside him.

"Michael," she said softly.

He ceased his movements, afraid he had done something wrong, but she was smiling.

"Don't hold back."

His eyes widened just the slightest and she let out a giggle. He lifted her up and her legs fell into place around him. The night had only just begun.

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firewalkzwit · 1 year ago

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runt // jonathan crane x reader. (9)

Chapter 9

cross-posted on AO3

Something in the lack of sensations in the experience made Jonathan Crane rapidly fall conscious that he was in a dream. Everything around him lacked consistence, and although it had colour, it was impossible to name any tone on anything he saw, afraid it'd melt into an unrecognisable matter if he stared too long. However he was fully aware that he was above a female body, his bare skin grazing against the feminine touch of her hands, he knew it was her, but he couldn't see her face. He couldn't hear anything either, he just knew what was happening and felt like he was hearing, but his hearing was catching no real sounds, just the illusion of them. He could tell somewhere in the acoustics that he was perceiving the lewd moans of the woman under him, who arched her back and pushed the back of her head against what appeared to be a pillow, her body melting into it as the vision shifted slightly like the static on a television. He could tell by the pinching sensations his physical vessel was feeling, that he was fucking her.

Waking life again, abruptly awoken by the urging sensation of his masculinity begging for some contact. It had been long since Crane had experienced such dreams, yet it was also long since the last time he had slept so deeply and well. His tired eyes refused to look down at his pelvis, clenching his jaw in disgust at himself for being so animalic, so ridiculously reduced to wanting sinful physical contact. Freud and Jung had very different ways of interpreting dreams, the latter being more abstract, yet they found congruence in the idea that sexual dreams often manifested themselves as a repression of desires. He refused to take such explenation, but undeniably conflicted with himself as he couldn't hide from his own consciousness that he had felt oddly primal after the unfamiliar proximity of her female body against his. Drugged still, he recalled he felt the sensation of filth strike his core, to feel excited at something that wasn't manifestation of intelligence, and especially knowing she was out of her senses.

Maybe it was the maternal warmness in the way she offered Crane tea, or how she put in his hands a warm napkin to clean the nasty wounds in his face, aiding where his intuition wasn't enough as the intimacy of the moment never crossed his mind as really intimate. His subconscious however seemed to have other plans about the way that memory rewinded in his brain, the blurred visions of his dreams attacking his psyche as he stared at himself in the mirror. A groggy reflection stared back, inquisitively pondering on what exactly was his next move. Despite the two being oblivious of this, they were just as lost as the other was, although the confidence they exhuded seemed to communicate otherwise. Looking back down at his boxers like an ashamed child, he finally released his member and reluctantly entered the shower, the guilt and lust washing over him as he wrapped his hand around his cock to comply to the desires of the body like an animal.

As Crane sat himself down before the kitchen table, his eyes drifted to the paper Y/N had given him. It was late in the morning, and he hadn't gotten more than five hours of sleep, yet it ocurred to him that he could use the rest of his morning to finish reading what he had started last night, being stopped by the prowling sunrise urging him to get some sleep. He was used to sleepless nights, especially reading mediocre papers, back in his professor days. He certainly continued to discredit her capacity of analysis and disdained her poor structuring of information, yet he had to give her some credit. Despite his often questioned credentials he was after all, a celebrated scholar, and she was barely a high school graduate, her interest in the subjects she wrote about stemming from mere fascination were worth an ounce of his respect, being a lot to grant for someone as hard to impress as Dr. Crane.

His head rested on his hand as he meditated on what exactly he'd use her for. He no longer felt the desire to use her as bait for the Batman, but rather an especially intense desire to experiment on her further. He felt depraved, yet his most dark desires itched him to explore on her motivations, her limits and her sexual desires. He wanted to break down every piece of her like a jigsaw puzzle. Crane knew the only way to do this, now probably under the watch of the Bat more than ever before, was to grant her the alliance she was looking for and keeping her close; he'd have to move her to Arkham somehow. A tremor crawled up his nerves as it had been so long since he'd been this eager to experiment on a subject. The insane he kept in Arkham could only give so much thrill, especially when he was served with a file of their data in extreme detail. This time, he had to pluck the feathers of the chicken himself, as he hadn't done so in so long. Despite his nefarious plans with Y/N, he couldn't help but feel a strange tenderness to her, as once again he'd remember the way her warm napkin touched his skin with the delicacy of a mother, a sensation his most uncontrollable parts longed to feel again.

Thanks to Falcone, he had set his record clean, and used his contacts to secure his position in Arkham, but he needed to eliminate certain caped obstacles if he wanted to preserve his position. Y/N seemed to have a similar objective, at least that was what her drugged self had revealed to him. It couldn't hurt to team up until he had enough to blackmail her, and once he was in possession of her he'd get to try anything he wanted on his new lab rat.

On her table rested Dr. Crane's empty cup and the now dry tissue with his blood. She looked down at the red stains, her fingers softly grazing the fabric as she looked down at the dry blood on her legs. Whatever was in the gas he used to drug her certainly did a number on her, waking up with a strong headache similar to a hangover. It didn't take her long to deduce he was a very gifted chemist, and not only a psychiatrist. She deduced he was using his abilities to sell highly addictive drugs to Falcone, having him in his pocket to grant him the connections he needed, what a way to network. Maybe pharmacology was just a way to his true passion, fear induction. While she couldn't remember what his face looked like while he observed her wallow in her own terror, she could only deduce that it was of sheer delight. His motives were beyond her understanding, but she wasted no time in thinking about it, or in attributing his insanity to something personal involving her, for she'd get nowhere.

She was still terrified of him, but she needed to channel her natural impulsivity to minor performances rather than submitting to it on important decisions. She knew she couldn't change this about her, character is built on experience yet some flaws came from the factory. It was because of this that she felt motivated to sit down right before her attacker, serve him warm tea, and clean his wounds with tenderness. She'd smile even, knowing her body longed to dig that napkin so deep into his bruises and wounds she could squash his brain, and her mind longed to build a strong temporary bond with her questionable ally to, in a way, find herself and how deep could her hatred for the Batman could go, building a stronger plan in the process. Dr. Crane would be of no aid of course, as she planned on maintaining her motives secret for as long as she could stretch it, he was just the intermediate.

Could it be a ridiculous cliché in the niche of Batman enemies to wish to unmask him? Yet she felt it was only fair, you don't get to kill people and get on with being Gotham's hero, the people deserve to know, don't they? She deserved to know! Someone had to answer for the murder of her brother, a human face and a name on the register. Someone with a family and loved ones just like her brother had, people whose existence and importance Batman dismissed completely when beating his brother into a pulp. In remembering Dr. Crane badly bruised and beat by Batman Y/N saw the brother she never got to help. Crane was nearly not as disfigured and wounded as her brother, but wounded by the Batman's brutality anyway. He was really not any better than a cheating and lying scum that steals and points guns at innocent people for the thrill of inflicting violence, who exactly got to say he was a hero or a villain, Batman himself? She felt guilt, anger and confusion in that particular order, her chest feeling as if her lungs had fallen off leaving a pit of hollow emptiness she could ache, feeling her heartbeat begin to speed up.

#jonathan crane #scarecrow #jonathan crane x reader #scarecrow x reader #batman #the batman #bruce wayne #batman x reader #bruce wayne x reader #nolanverse batman #cillian murphy

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talia-rumlow · 5 months ago

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Home Sweet Home (AU Brock Rumlow/OFC) Chapter Seven

WORDCOUNT: 4607

TRIGGERS: Sex talk, age gap, emotions

HAPPY READNG!

CHAPTER SEVEN - WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR

youtube

Calleigh's eyes flutter open as Brock places a soft, loving kiss on her forehead. "Shhh," he whispers gently. "It's only 5am, Princess. Go back to sleep - I'm heading out for my run," he says..

She yawned and stretched, her eyes fluttering open as she sat up in bed. "Mmmm, it's okay," she rasped, her voice thick with sleep. "Not the worst way to wake up," she continued, her gaze settling on the man before her. He looked undeniably sexy in his workout clothes - strong and safe, capable of protecting her.

Gazing at her adoringly, he flashed a loving smile. His heart swelled with intense, almost overwhelming emotion, as if it might burst. Yet, he welcomed the blissful feeling, for he would have gladly sacrificed anything to relive the cherished moments they had shared in recent days. Leaning down, he planted a tender kiss on her forehead. “See you soon, Princess,” he murmured, before reluctantly taking his leave.

She has never felt this elated in her life. Her whole body seems lighter, as if she's floating just above the ground. She struggles to describe this feeling in any other way. Could it be love? She's never experienced that before, so she's not sure. Perhaps she simply feels safe and cared for. How can she figure this out? Maybe talking to Molly and Jess, who have been in love, would provide some clarity. If this is indeed love, she can't fathom why she's never felt it until now. Love - what if she's finally fallen in love?

•─────────•°•❀•°•─────────•

Calleigh had already prepared breakfast and a cup of coffee for Brock when he returned. He looked even more attractive after his run, sweaty and slightly flushed. Calleigh marveled at his natural beauty as he walked up the stairs and disappeared into one of the upstairs bathrooms. She longed to join him in the shower, to see his naked form. This was a new, intoxicating desire for her - to want to be intimate with someone in that way. Looking down at her own body, Calleigh felt self-conscious. Her breasts were small, nothing like the idealized images she had seen. What if Brock was disappointed by her appearance?

These new feelings, though amazing; they were also frightening. To give one's heart away to someone like that. Even though she'd never been in love before, she knew enough to know that she did put herself out there. She had to put trust in Brock, in that he wouldn't turn around all of a sudden and crush her heart. Would she be able to handle it if he did that? And then off course there was Jack. They couldn't steer clear of him either. God, how complicated things had become.

Calleigh was lost in thought, contemplating the various scenarios that could await her in the future. She was so absorbed in her own musings that she didn't notice Brock descending the stairs. It wasn't until he gently tilted her head up to face him that she realized she wasn't alone. "Now, what is going on in that beautiful mind of yours?" he asked, his eyes radiating warmth and compassion.

“Calleigh?” He says, when she doesn't answer. A weird sense of panic washes over him. Was he too forward last night? Or maybe he explained the whole thing badly. “About last night,” he continues when he still hasn't gotten a word out of her. Maybe he shouldn't have brushed off what he assumed was a want to talk about Jack, and how to handle that whole messed up situation. Or maybe that wasn't what she wanted to talk about at all. In almost all his relationships, things had never been this difficult.

For a split second Calleigh almost reveals her whole world to him. But only for a split second. She wanted more than anything for him to know her and understand her. And if he ever were to do that, like really do that, she had to tell him. But how could she? She promised, she promised to never tell. A promise she was determined to keep. She just needed to stop thinking about it, hopefully it would reveal itself sooner or later. She kinda hoped it would be sooner. “He's gonna come home, you know,” she mumbles, looking down at the floor. Hoping that changing the subject over to Jack would suffice.

“I know,” he replied, wrapping her in a comforting hug. Just as much for him as for her. “I know he will,” he continued, breaking the embrace to tenderly caress her face. “I'm sorry, Princess. I didn't want to think about that,” he said, offering a buttersweet smile tingled with pain. “I just… I want to savor and enjoy every second with you, until…” He paused, holding her gaze. Brock knew it would be difficult to continue seeing Calleigh once Jack returned home. In many situations, it would be virtually impossible - a reality he knew all too well they would have to face, sooner or later. If it were up to him, he hoped it would be much later, preferably after he was long gone. Though he recognized that was an impossibility. “Until that happens,” he finished, his voice laced with hope that she felt as deeply for him as he did for her. Feelings, after all, did not adhere to the constraints of age.

Calleigh doesn't know if she's supposed to be laughing or crying from the messed up situation she's in right now. She never imagined that Brock would be anything more to her than a fun ‘uncle’. And to feel this connection to him, to imagine seeing him naked, to have all these unfamiliar feelings inside of her, it was both amazing and frightening, and she had no idea which one of those two that would win. Jack would maby, and that was a BIG maybe; be okay with her falling for an older man, but not Brock. He would never be okay with her being with Brock. And she couldn't blame him for that.

As that thought flies through her mind, another one follows. Brock and Jack had been friends since forever. They must know just about everything about each other. They've probably shared secrets, and information about.. No, she doesn't want to finish that thought. But, it was like glued to her brain now. How much did Jack know about Brock and his life? His previous girlfriends or one night stands? Oh, God. Brock probably knew stuff about Jack as well. What is wrong with her? She went all in, ruining a friendship that had lasted a lifetime. What the hell was she thinking?

“It's my fault, Calleigh,” he says, as he reads her mind. “I initiated it,” he continues, before he gives her a kiss. It was his fault, he did initiate the whole thing. And even if she kissed him back, she would never have had the opportunity to do that if he hadn't kissed her in the first place. If anyone were to blame for this, it should be him. Though he knew that Jack would probably kill him if and when he found out, he wouldn't have changed a damn thing about the past couple of days. Yes, she was only 20 years old. But Calleigh was grown for her age. Stop it, Brock! He mentally tells himself. Stop making excuses. No matter how he sees it, he is, and he will always be 26 years older than her. And although he doesn't care what other people think about him; the words that come to mind when the topic is older man/younger woman, he can't say that's something he wants to be called. Still, he can't stop. He loves her. Fuck how he wishes he could talk to someone about this.

•─────────•°•❀•°•─────────•

As Calleigh drives to work, her face is plastered with a wide, joyful smile. Despite the troubles that likely lie ahead, she feels a profound sense of peace and belonging - a feeling quite different from the safety she previously experienced around Brock. This new sensation is indescribable, like a symphony of sunshine, butterflies, rainbows, and celestial wonder. While Calleigh has long dreamed of falling in love, the emotion is also frightening, as if she's losing control - something she has always resisted. Perhaps this is why she never let herself get close to anyone until now. Calleigh was raised to focus solely on academics, viewing romantic relationships as mere distractions. Now she understands why - if she had an exam tomorrow, the overwhelming joy she feels would make it impossible for her to concentrate and succeed. Calleigh made a mental note to ask Jess how she managed to maintain good grades and relationships throughout high school - a feat Calleigh could never comprehend.

•─────────•°•❀•°•─────────•

Like she had foreseen; it was impossible to maintain focus on work. And she had to finish up the tasks given to her by Jack, before he got home. If she didn't he would figure out that something was wrong, and if he were to give her the third degree now, one of two things, if not both would slip. And she couldn't afford that.

Naked Brock, naked Brock and naked Calleigh. Had she even seen a man naked before? Not that she didn't know what it looked like, she had focused on sex-ed, just as much as she focused on any other subject in school. But still, it would undoubtedly be different to see someone in real life. And for it to be Brock. Naked Brock. Why can't she get that thought out of her head?

That is if that's ever going to happen at all. She tried yesterday, and he stopped it. Should she dare to try again tonight? How many rejections could she take before she gave up? Maybe she is too young for him. Maybe he wants someone with experience, someone who knows what to do and how to do it. It's probably not that hard to do, it's just that…. She's never done it before, and he… She doesn't even want to have that thought in her head. Brock with another woman. Rationally she knows he has been with someone before, probably several. But that didn't mean that she had to think about it. God! Why. Was. Everything. So. Hard?

Calleigh let out a displeased noise and slammed her hands down on the desk. "Get out of my head!" she snapped, frustrated by the intrusive thought of a naked Brock playing on repeat in her mind.

Jess' voice came from the doorway. "I knew you loved me, but I didn't realize I lived rent-free in your head," she said, Molly appearing behind her.

Calleigh looked gratefully at her two friends, never happier to see them. "I need help," she said, dropping her head to the desk.

"Spill," Jess said, settling onto the couch and propping her feet on the armrest, opening her usual takeout burger. "We've got a 45-minute lunch break today, so we've got time."

"45 minutes?" Calleigh asked, sinking into a recliner and opening her box of spring rolls. "Why the extra time?"

"Perks of being the boss's daughter," Jess said smugly. "I'm not leaving until we sort out whatever's going on in that head of yours," she added, glancing at Molly.

Molly, who had a more civil approach to the problem at hand, sat down in the recliner next to Calleigh. “What's going on Calleigh?” She asked, totally forgetting about lunch and her takeout box.

“I can't get him out of my head,” Calleigh whines. She didn't know how else to put it, and she didn't want to go straight to the sex part. Not that she didn't trust Molly and Jess, she trusted them with her life. But it still felt weird to jump right into it, and to bring up her frustration about his constant rejections right away.

She didn't have to worry about that very long. “Is he wearing any clothes?” Jess asks, knowing that Calleigh would eventually bring it up, and that it would be much easier for everyone if they just skipped the introduction.

Calleigh lets out another displeased sound, mixed with her embarrassment in what could only be described as a messed up cookie dough of nakedness and mixed signals; as she buries her face in her hands.

Molly, who already decided that this is one of those conversations where she'll only answer if or when asked, is already well into her chicken wrap; flashing both of her best friends an amused look. She already knows that this'll be an interesting lunch break.

“Ooohhh,” Jess can't contain her enthusiasm. “Now I'm really intrigued,” she continues, flashing Calleigh her signature ‘this-is-hot-stuff’ smile. “So, he's not wearing any clothes,” she smiles. “What is he doing?” She finally asks, with a wiggle of her brows.

“Nothing,” Calleigh whispers inaudibly into her hands. Earning a confused look from both Molly and Jess. Realizing that they didn't hear her, she removes her hands from her face to look at them. “Nothing, nada, zilch, zero,” the words leave her mouth in a frustrated tone. “He's not doing a damn thing,” she finally manages to get a real sentence out, accompanied by a frustrated arm movement.

Jess looks like she just fell out of the sky. “Ooookay…. I need you to elaborate that,” she says, slowly narrowing her eyes as she puts her burger down.

“Elaborate what?” Calleigh asks, with another frustrated arm movement. She leans back in the recliner, looking up at the ceiling, trying to keep her tears from leaving her eyes. “Nothing is happening,” she continues, her voice now morphing into defeat.

Jess, who has completely forgotten about her lunch, desperately tries to read Calleigh's expression and the tone of her voice. “So you just dance around each other?” She finally asks. Her voice has now lost all the enthusiasm from earlier. When she's about to conclude that Brock and Calleigh didn't work, she remembers that Calleigh told them that he slept in her bed. “Does he still sleep in your bed?” She tries another question. Calleigh had a tendency to speak in codes when it came to intimate things, so that her parents wouldn't understand. But the complex codes she used now were Greek even to Jess.

“Mhhmm,” Calleigh replies. Remembering how he pulled her into him last night. But at the same time she remembers his rejection. She just wanted to know WHAT he wanted. That would make this so much easier.

“So,” Jess starts, but without any plan on how to complete the sentence. She moves from her usual position on the couch, and places her feet on the floor, looking at Calleigh. “You're still… Like… There?” She continues, not feeling like being straight forward now. Calleigh obviously needs her support and not her witty comments.

Calleigh takes a breath. “I don't know…,” she almost whispers. “I don't know,” she repeats, her voice a bit higher. She lets her arms rest on the recliner. Nothing seemed to work today, nothing except naked Brock in her brain.

Molly slowly reaches out, and puts her hand on Calleigh's arm. “You can talk to us,” she informs, feeling an overwhelming need to comfort her friend.

“Thank you Molls,” Calleigh replies, looking at Molly with eyes that are about to water over. “Why don't he want me?” She blurts out, and then the tears flow. “I've never been in a situation like this before,” she says through her tears. “And then there's my dad,” she continues with a shuddering breath. “And I tried, but he didn't want to,” the words are just leaving her mouth, she doesn't even have control over the order. “Then he holds me close and tells me that we'll face it together,” this is definitely word vomit again. But at least it's not as dangerous around Molly and Jess. “But what is together? I don't even know what together is,” she can't stop it. The words just keep on coming. “He didn't want me. He stopped,” finally the words stopped. She takes a series of deep breaths, to make sure the words really stopped.

Molly looks confused. She got that Calleigh was afraid of Jack finding out, and that she didn't fully understand if her and Brock were now a couple, but other than that.. “Okay, I didn't understand all that,” she starts, but she's cut off by Jess.

Jess, back to her straight forward self, cuts Molly off “I do!” She said, “He's holding out on you,” she continues. Having inherited her parents' lawyerly talent, she could sense these things a mile away. Having parents that are lawyers was both a blessing and a curse. A blessing since she inherited talents that really helped her through junior high and high school, but a curse because her parents saw through every single lie she told them.

“I'm not sure you can call it ‘holding out’,” Calleigh replies, followed by another deep breath. “It's more like he's afraid,” she continues. There it is again, that vulnerability she never realized that Brock had before. If that's what it is. It could be that he simply didn't want to. “Or, he could simply just not want to be with me like that,” she adds.

Jess tilts her head a bit. “Have you told him how you feel?” She asks, looking over the table on Calleigh.

“Not exactly,” Calleigh replies “I mean, I've made advances,” she continues. But she's not quite sure if he fully understood them. “I think,” she adds, nervously biting her lower lip. Was her hip rolling thing when she straddled him an advance? It definitely did something to him, but she's suddenly unsure if he really got what she meant with it.

Jess takes a deep breath, like she prepared for an important speech. “Okay,” she starts “if you're unsure you didn't make an advance,” she continues. “Guys don't get subtle hints, you have to be straight forward with them,” she informs. Her tone leaving no room for arguments.

“And how do you suggest I do that?” Calleigh questions. She for sure has no idea. Just asking for sex feels a bit…. Porn like.

“He sleeps in your bed, right?” Jess asks, again in her signature straight forward manner. Calleigh just nods in reply, there's no need for words. “Undress then,” Jess continues. “Or undress him,” she adds with a teasing smile. “You have to either tell him… with words,” she continues her little sex-ed speech. “Or show him with real actions,” she finishes.

“Errr,” Calleigh tries to find the right words, but none comes to mind. “U..undress?” She nervously asks, parroting Jess.

“You're unsure if he wants to,” Jess starts up again. “Okay, does he get a hard on?” She continues. This is nothing new. This is just Jess being Jess.

“JESSICA GRAYSON!” Molly gasps. She had decided not to say anything. But asking if Brock gets a hard on was just too much for her. Brock had been like an uncle to them almost their entire lives. He was the one who taught Jess to drive a stick shift, and he was the one who comforted her in her fathers funeral. To ask if he gets a hard on was just… Let's just say, something they shouldn't do. Even if he was with Calleigh.

“What?” Jess shrugs. “It's a pretty good indicator if he wants it or not,” she continues. Though she gets Mollys reaction to the sudden intimate questions around Brock, this particular conversation was to help Calleigh. And that question needed to be asked. “Well, does he?” Jess repeats the question when Calleigh doesn't answer right away.

“Yes,” Calleigh finally answers. Remembering how his body tensed up, and how he pulled her closer, before he pulled the breaks and stopped it all. “That's when he stopped,” she adds.

Jess’ face takes on a confused expression. “Is he saying anything about it?” She continues her line of questions.

Calleigh shrugs, takes another breath. “He says he's not ready,” she shrugs again. “And last night he started this whole speech like he was giving me a modern day sex-ed class,” she continues repeating Brock's words from last night. “If I were to sleep with you. I would be entering you,” rolling her eyes as she delivers his exact words to her friends.

Jess can't contain her laugh. But Molly sends Calleigh a supportive look. “He's probably just afraid to hurt you,” she tells her.

“Is it going to hurt,” Calleigh almost gasps the question. She never thought of that, that it might hurt. Great, another problem added to the mix.

“I don't know,” Molly replies, before they both turn toward Jess. Since Jess was the only one with experience she would surely have the answer to this.

Jess shrugs a bit “Maybe at first,” she casually says. “But it'll pass,” she adds when she sees the expression on their faces. “What are you waiting for Calleigh?” She suddenly asks. “Tell him, get undressed, undress him, touch it. If you want to, there is no perfect time,” she continues. “Or well this is the perfect time, with Mr.R away on business,” she adds. Jess was the only one who called Jack Mr.R. She went from Mr.Rollins to Mr.R in Junior High, and Jack had seemed to like it, so it just stuck.

Calleigh nods her head. This was just what she needed a picture of her dad in the messed up situation she had put herself in. Mr.R and sex with Brock in the same sentence wasn't exactly what she needed right now. “Thank you,” she says, flashing Jess a grimace. “Thank you so much for mentioning my dad and sex with Brock in the same sentence,” she continued, trying to show with her eyes how much she disliked that picture. “And touch it?” She chuckles “He's not twenty Jess,” she added trying to keep her chuckling from turning into laughter. “He's actually the same age as your dad,” she just had to say that, a little payback for the picture Jess planted in her head.

Jess screams. “I know that was payback for what I said, so I'll give you that,” she says, pointing at Calleigh. “But I want you to know that if you EVER look at my father that way…. I'll kill you,” she says the last words in a friendly tone, so they all know it wasn't meant that way. Then all three of them burst into uncontrollable laughter. The heavy ice that suffocated the office at the start of this lunch break has definitely melted away.

When the laughter dies off, Jess takes another look at Calleigh, as they collect all the empty take out boxes to discard them. “Just go for it, Calleigh,” she says. “You want it, you go for it. This is your time,” she continues.

Calleigh's still a tiny bit unsure, but it's mostly fear, fear that he'll reject her again. “But what if he–,” she starts, but Jess cuts her off.

“He'll embrace every part of it. Trust me,” Jess almost commands her, but her friendly bump on her shoulder tells her that it's a friendly advice. If it's a good one, well that still remains a mystery.

“Fine, I'll do it,” Calleigh replies as she opens her office door and gets ready to see her friends off and go back to work.

“Yeyy,” Jess lets out. “Tomorrow you can give us all the dirty details. Happy humping,” she continued happily, earning herself a bump in the shoulder from Molly.

Calleigh can't help but smile from the whole thing, leaning against the door after she closed it. “You can do it,” she tells herself. Work, she thinks. She can focus on work for a couple more hours. What happens after that.. No, she has to take that later.

•─────────•°•❀•°•─────────•

As Calleigh drives home, she repeatedly mulls over Jess' words in her mind: "Get undressed," "touch it," "he'll embrace every part of it," "this is your time." The idea of undressing doesn't seem too daunting, but the prospect of actually touching "it" feels more challenging. She's also unsure about the claim that he'll embrace every part of her. The notion that "this is her time" could be true, but time for what exactly? To undress with him? To touch "it"? To have sex? Or to jeopardize the friendship between her father and Brock?

How did she get here? And what is she supposed to do with all these new unfamiliar feelings? It's like something has awakened inside of her, something that obviously was always there, but just sleeping, or hiding, or both. Anyway, it's awake now, and clawing its way to freedom. It felt liberating and scary at the same time, and Calleigh had no idea how to deal with it. Maybe Jess was right, maybe she should just jump into it, and maybe, just maybe he actually would embrace every part of it. Or maybe he wouldn't. “Arrgh, shut up Jess,” she says into the rearview mirror.

It's scary to think about that if she takes Jess’ advice, her whole life would change in the blink of an eye. If he wanted to, she would have sex with him. Sex… A word she knew the meaning of, but still didn't. A word that until now had been reserved for sex-ed class and Jess’ condom balloon animals. Sex.. Something romantic and beautiful she usually only saw in the romance movies she constantly watched. Sex.. Something new and unfamiliar to her, something she longed for, without being able to put it into words or action. Sex.

Some form of anger or regret washes over her. She had a good childhood, better than most people. But still, to be a Rollins and a Lewis was kinda like being royalty. The Rollins Delivery business had been around since the aftermath of WWII, and had earned itself a great reputation Nationwide. Everyone knew about the business, its owners and it was a place people were proud to work. The Lewis Jewelry line had also been around for ages. Their custom made jewelry, with only the best materials, were used by celebrities, government officials and other high ranking people in the community. Her necklace was a testament of that, custom made for her sweet sixteen. A thin gold necklace with a butterfly pendant. The butterfly had a body of yellow gold, and the wings were pink. The swarovski crystals and the diamonds in pink and purple, made the necklace stand out.

She has had her whole life cut out for her, even before she could talk. Not that she complained, she had a financially steady life, but she felt that everything was about keeping her name clean. Study hard, get good grades, learn about business economy and how a business works. All of these things were listed as criterias if she wanted a payment from her trust fund on her 21st birthday. She had done it all, she had followed every single rule that was ever set for her. Well, she did miss curfew a couple of times, but never with more than ten or fifteen minutes. She never rebelled either, except from the belly button piercing. Maybe that's why this was so hard. Maybe that's why she felt that she had a fourteen year old brain in a twenty year old body when it came to sex. Or, maybe it was the fact that the sex she was contemplating having, was with Brock.

She felt like the butterfly pendant around her neck. She felt like a caterpillar clawing its way out of the cocoon.

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