#that is the only interaction ive ever had with them i blocked them after

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

Nobody go harass this person but @circularcheez-it I saw your screen cap in the tags, I'm gonna take you in good faith here, even though I probably shouldn't, but that original post posed a question that, if it was such a bad take, you could easily disprove it by answering. I laid out what Ed had already tried and what he didn't have access to. So if you can answer it, I'll change my mind. How does Ed in this situation get Izzy to stop emotionally abusing him without killing him or cutting off toes? Propose a solution if you think it's stupid. If you can't I'll stick to my original post. The floor is yours.

Side note in the future if you're gonna vagueblog about me with screen caps could you not tag it with every Izzy tag under the sun I've blocked a lot of people who I know to frequent those tags on purpose because they've said things that I'm uncomfortable with as a gay man, a drag queen and an SA survivor and I don't want them to play with my posts for fear of harassment, which is why I've blocked them. Thank you.

"In WhAt WoRlD dOeS dEfEnDiNg YoUrSeLf FrOm EmOtIoNaL aBuSe InVoLvE mUtIlAtIoN"

Ok let's try this: You're on a pirate ship, you happen to be the captain. Your first mate is constantly manipulating you, threatening you, trying to kill the people you care about, isolating you from any potential community you might have, and verbally abusing you.

Here's what you've already tried:

Telling him to stop

just letting it happen and seeing if he'll tire himself out

being amicable to him and telling him he can open up about his feelings if he wants to

trying to engage him in a friendly manner in something you like

firing him and kicking him off the boat

threatening him

and none of those things have made the emotional abuse stop.

What options do you have left? I'm genuinely asking. How would you handle this situation. Ask someone for help? Oh you can't do that you're the captain and the last time your friends helped you kick him off the boat he came right back with the Navy. Get a restraining order? You're on a pirate ship, you're the highest authority. You leave the boat? He hasn't given you the vibe that he's willing to accept that answer. Last time the two of you were separated he came back with the navy remember.

The only option left available to you is violence. You can maim him and hope that keeps him in line, or you can kill him. There aren't other options. If you think abuse victims should just lay down and take it sorry to say but that's the pro abuse position.

[mpregbuck]

I feel like atp even if there were plans to make bvddie canon theyre gone now. if tim minear is even half as petty as I am he would see that reaction and go u know what fuck you u actually don't get what you want now cause ur acting so goddamn entitled. like when tarlos fans got mad about the deleted scenes instead of appreciating them being released and his reaction was to say "okay fine then I just won't release deleted scenes anymore" (like I'm sure it was mostly a marketing decision but part of me thinks they intentionally released a scene about bucktommy just to prove a point.) idk man it's just really upsetting as a bi man to see the absolutely vile shit bvddie stans are saying and even tho I love the ship I now never want it to go canon cause they've fuckin ruined it

hey anon, at first let me agree with the fact that i do in fact also love bvddie a lot and i still love reading fics for them, the edits of them are fantastic and the fanart is S tier. it’s a great pairing with a lot of potential there IF the writers decided to ever go there but…

huge answer below

yeah, i agree. i honestly think before tommy was introduced again in 7x03 and the kiss in 7x04 that in my brain, bvddie was the most logical endgame for buck until it wasn’t.

i came into the show shipping bvddie much like a lot of new fans to the show but instead of hopping onto the tommy anti express hate train i found myself falling in love with buck and tommy together. at first i was still on board with bvddie still being endgame but as each episode aired after 7x04 i became faced with the reality of the situation (at least the way i see it) that bvddie might always be fanon and that’s ok because fandom keeps ships alive whether they’re canon or not. some of the biggest ships EVER are non-canon (i mean, cmon spirk? one of the OG MM ships?) so it didn’t really deter me from enjoying bvddie to this day. what HAS deterred me from interacting with bvddie content is toxic bvddies. i don’t like using the lil nicknames, idc if other ppl do, whatever, but i prefer just referring to certain kinds as just toxic plain and simple.

toxic shippers have made it difficult for anyone who multiships to interact with bvddie content. while there are incredibly nice & welcoming bvddie endgamers out there, it doesn’t overshadow the hateful ones in my online experience at least. i’ve blocked so many ppl over this ship discourse, which ive never had to do with any other fandom before the extent i have with 911. everyday i still find new ppl to block, you go under almost any comment section on the 911 insta and its filled with nasty comments abt tommy and only caring abt whether bvddie will be canon in s8. people projecting their hatred of tommy/lou onto the cast/crew of the show when it’s be said and proven time and time again that it’s quite the opposite. now im certain there’s bad apples in the bucktommy side as well, but from what ive seen online so far it is not nearly to the caliber of the bvddie side. ive blocked maybe a handful of bucktommy’s for being hateful towards eddie or being toxic overall, but ive probably blocked over 100+ toxic bvddies. i can only imagine it’d be worse if i was active on 911 twt which i’m not (thank god) but i have ventured into the tags before on there and let me tell you, it’s fucking horrifying how gross ppl are over there. twt is a cesspool for fandom anyways tho, the fucking asshole of fandom, it’s a septic tank really.

now im my own opinion which could be completely untrue of course, but just basing my thoughts on what i’ve seen online and interviews and such, tim seems to be really happy about bucktommy and idk how ppl believe otherwise. tim has expressed he loves LFJ and wanted him back on the show. tim showed up on set for the kiss scene. tim posting an entire youtube vibe abt bucktommy being soulmates that touches on the invisible string theory and explains how they accidentally found buck’s perfect match. tim sharing the deleted tommy scene is also huge but im waiting to see if he releases more (because i remember seen somewhere that he said there’d be more?) and if he does then great but it’s also still pretty telling to me after the whole karaoke fiasco.

oliver has said nothing but praises towards buck’s queer storyline. he quite literally said if you dont like it then watch something else. despite ppl saying he’s never interacted with bucktommy content online, that’s a lie because he has liked fanart of them.

aisha, kenneth & tracie have all expressed how they like tommy/lou and love working with him.

jlh said she loved bvddie before but is excited to see where buck and tommy go and then on an insta live said she doesn’t think bvddie is happening and was bombarded by toxic fans to the point of ending the live early.

ppl think it’s all some ruse to make it seem like bvddie is never happening so when it does happen it’s a “surprise” ……..

the nasty hate comments are doing nothing but exposing these types of ppl for who they are and that honestly to them, 911 is just the bvddie show to them. the people who run these social media accs for 911 are looking at these comments and cringing, they aren’t running to tim and abc being like “we must give these crazies what they want!” they’re mostly likely being ignored or honestly, as you said, being looked at and just reinforcing their decision to most likely make tommy buck’s endgame so as long as his schedule is open for filming.

what gets me the most about the hate these types of shippers spew online is how they aren’t embarrassed because they are so sooo convinced they will be right one day and therefore their insane, nasty behavior online will be justified. oliver stark literally left twt because of fans like this, people act like he was joking around, that he was shooting the shit probably because “he’s british and british people just have that kind of humor” which yes to a certain extent but let me just add these posts to set an example to why if oliver were still on twt he absolutely would not be happy with the way toxic bvddies are acting right now.

oliver (and ryan&other cast too) being positive abt bvddie never meant it was going to be canon of become canon one day. they do not decide these things, whether they believe it should or not. a lot of bvddie shippers come from previous fandoms where queerbaiting was there, where they were made fun of by actors of their ships, by the creators of the show! so i understand the frustration but oliver is not queerbaiting and buck is not a queerbait character when he quite literally is now confirmed bisexual and in a relationship with a man.

he’s just not the “correct” queer to these people. despite headcanons (hell even i hc eddie as queer!!) eddie so far, in canon, is not queer. by the end s7 he is still shown to not be over shannon and ruins his relationship with his son over this. ryan has stated in interviews he sees eddie as heterosexual, possibly pushing this because of the influx of ship discourse, and he’s glad to see a vulnerable and deep friendship that buck and eddie can have as a straight man and a queer man and how important he thinks it is.

every single thing that points to bvddie never going canon is like they’re being shot point blank in the chest. i get it, your ship not becoming canon sucks, but again, that is what fandom is for! shipping has never been about how canon smth is, there is 20k fics out there for bvddie and they aren’t canon. they can turn that into 40k, 100k, 1M if they really wanted to! instead they use their time and energy posting death threats, wishing death upon a gay character, bullying ppl online for enjoying a ship.

meanwhile from what ive seen bucktommys are rolling with goofy ass spy tommy theories created by antis and making jokes for our own fun.

so yes, i agree overall. they truly don’t deserve what they think they do. we didn’t whine and scream for a deleted scene. they did. we got ours without even expecting it and are having fun.

maybe if they behaved better i wouldn’t be so petty abt it. it’s a shame because of how much potential it has, unfortunately it is just not going that way atm. and even if it does one day, it is not because they paraded online with hate, it is because that’s the story tim and the others wanted to write and abc approved it.

🫳🎤

[confusedgoldenflower]

Fuck I can’t find the post someone made about what their therapist said about pedoshipping which left the “mY tHeRaPiSt SaYs ItS gOoD cOpE” dead in the water. (Someone link please) I cannot recall what they’d said even to paraphrase 😖

First of all this: “I have yet to see even ONE credible study on how glorifying rape, abuse, pedophilia, necrophilia, and zoophilia can be a form of therapy or even an effective coping mechanism, ive ONLY ever seen studies linking the glorification of pharaphilias only make people act them out more often and more brutally”

Second: my OWN real, actual person with MD therapist, not a “bunch of zoomers chronically online,” agreed with other therapist that no, glorifying and normalizing paraphilias in public is not good.

*Do NOT find anyone to interact at. I don’t condone or encourage whatsoever.

Included the response bc wth even. Really feels they’re always hungry to cry “waaah poor me, this is all outrageous, overblown drama.”

Anyway, to be back with what my real person, MD holding clinician says! And to ask her for links because all I’ve been getting is “this is paraphilia” stuff, because I know we all want em.

I’m back!

I explained to my real human person clinician that I have a feeling that in the dialogue that happened between the op and their clinician did not include “for me to post accesible online in an area that’s known for also including young people.” And that there was this assumed private engagement in fiction.

As the anon ask said, they were only to do it as far as working through/handling the urges during recovery and to not to continue to do so after treatment!

And then I made up a hypothetical situation asking what advice she’d give me if I came to her and said approximately, “as a kid, I got into this fiction about children and adult relationships and now it’s a fetish and I and others make and publish publicly content about this. What would you say to me besides referring me to a sex therapist?” I added the publishing bit because that’s the reality of the matter.

She would send me to an actual sex therapist of course lmao. We don’t know what else was said of course in that ~45 min time between op and clinician, but mine agreed that there was probably a reason like building rapport or to explore the topic so as to not have it as a block in treatment. Mine’s more experienced in substance and drug addiction, and in her experience, coming at the issue with her perspective, abstinence works best for people over harm reduction (main two treatment paths), and she’d try to put me in a twelve step program (along with the other therapist). Also, sex therapists of course have different training etc, so this is giving the benefit of the doubt, because they could be one of those who despite whatever training they’re given around paraphilia and harm done/actions, still think that saying “MAPs” and supporting them is okay (as at least one apparently thinks).

Also that posting accessibly and without proper framing is a no kudos.

Also:

Murder games largely take place in, guess what, war areas. The framing is already there.

Saying “anti ideology” especially in regards to a clinician’s opinion is just a red flag for me, especially since it’s not an actual community or movement (like prononcon is). Course they could be in fandom as another “proshipper”

And “angry zoomers online” feels, idk how best to phrase this, like a belittlement, “oh they’re just stupid angry kids/young people online, they don’t know anything” which is a common defence/vindication from any critique

No links. We had a lot to talk about. And I have done some other reading, I’ve made some posts about for those curious. Still don’t know best keywords to use though.

[gayboyasher]

Hii!! I hope it's okay requesting a scenario with Ghiaccio (if u don't mind that is))

Not sure if you've done something like this, but how would Ghiaccio be babysitting with his boyfriend?? Like maybe it's his bfs niece or nephew or smth

DAWG IVE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS BECOREED!!! Yea ofc ofc ofc!!! (Side note im Running out of gifs to use 😭💀)

—————————————————————————

One day, after arriving home from a long ass mission. He comes home to see you holding a baby. It’s definitely not his, it doesn’t even look like him! But it looks like you. Though, if you had a kid, you’d utmost definitely tell him. So what was going on here?

Once you explained that the baby was your nephew, he sighs in relief. He sits down and looks at the kid, he’s got your same eyes. And then he sees you playing with the kid, and you look so litten up.

“So uhm… how old is he?” He asked awkwardly. He tried to avoid the baby’s touch at all cost. The baby babbled and attempted to walk towards him. “No older then one or two.” You tell him, gently grabbing the baby’s hands so the little guy could walk more efficiently. “He’s very smart, and a good kid.”

As he sees how delicate your treating this baby, and how this baby is acting, he tries to ease up and not be so tense. But it’s hard. He doesn’t know anything about kids?? But here you are, being so gentle, so caring… he’s gonna have to deal with this now, isn’t he?

____________________________________________

To be honest, he’s not good with kids

Not even babyface

He actually didn’t really help at all. All he did was make the kid’s formula and feed him.

He complains about how hard it was even though he didn’t do anything

He fell asleep when you put the baby to nap

He was scared to even touch the baby at all, it kinda freaked him out with his big eyes and all

Everytime he got annoyed and mad, he left the room so he could scream about it

You kicked him out of the room everytime he got mad because you didn’t want the yelling to scare the baby

Rants about how the baby should be potty trained by now

The way he acts makes you not want to have kids

The way you act makes him consider kids

He’s trying he promises, but the baby is just… he doesn’t know how to deal with him.

You force him to change diapers.

Only held the baby once, and only for five seconds awkwardly

Tried to talk to the baby like a grown adult.

“So ihm… you got any hobbies?” Babbles and toys clanking together “yea. Okay. That’s boring.”

He’s a bit of a bully, and he doesn’t play with him.

Only really interacts with the baby once your gone, and doesn’t really do so anyway.

If there’s building blocks, he’s gonna build some super cool tower and not let the kid touch it.

You have to take the tower down so the kid can play with his building blocks

Once who ever comes to pick the kid up comes, Ghiaccio hands them the kid’s “supplies” IMMEDIATELY.

“Here’s your kid’s supplies.” “His what—“ “just take the kid-!”

[homophyte]

the idea that i have purposefully avoided doing anything in public so i could, idk, get away with something, is really odd considering that i have archived public conversations with you on my blog where you wiped this entire blog youre messaging me from of all my, again, public, replies to your post but like, okay. also a really weird way to frame me repeatedly saying to you 'i dont want anything to do with you' and trying to not be involved but you continuing to antagonize and talk about me, as youre literally doing here, causing me to go back on my word to not reach out to again tell you what youre doing is fucked up. anything ive said to you in private i will stand by in public. i do not think i have said anything disproportionate to you, if anything ive been exceedingly sentimental trying to empathize about a shared issue while you are literally right now throwing that fact in my face super uncool-ly!! especially in light of the fact that youve kept this stalking and harassment campaign going, again, longer than you were ever friends with any of us to begin with.

but you wanna make this public? okay, lets make this public.

a close friend of mine (who is remaining anonymous and has already deleted their blog literally today because of this) made a tumblr a few months ago on my advice to check it out and see how they liked it. they used this tumblr really scantly, but during the time they had it, liked a grand total of two posts ever. wanna see em? theyre these.

youll note that second post mentions dante by name, and my friends liking of that post is its only note. youll also note that the only two posts on their blog are these interactions:

the first of which was sent only days after they liked the post mentioning dante.

that blog, despite never posting besides this, never liking anything but two personal posts i made, and following exactly three people all of whom were friends, is somehow blocked by both the disgustedorite blog and asterineae.

so pretend youre me and my friend, who had long ago written off this interaction as random and odd only to discover today while trying to access the post you tagged me in, screenshotted above, from their computer that you had mysteriously had them blocked, despite never having had an interaction with them or even cause to know who the hell they were. pretend youre me, faced again with evidence that you meticulously watch and catalog everything i say to the point you hunt down anyone even tangentally related to dante, by a single like, on a single post i made, mentioning them offhand.

and then you tell me which of us has a problem to deal with. because i spent today not reading your long ass stupid ass rant, not block evading to look at what youre saying about me, not obsessing over the smallest details of people who you were barely acquaintances with, over two years ago.

im not going to read your long ass rant post. ive made it abundantly clear that i dont give a shit what you have to say or the narratives you invent to justify your actions. those actions are, as far as im concerned, not fucking justifiable, and you need to keep inventing more to get even close, and even then you still have to change the subject, because everything you have done has been that far out of proportion. again: stalking and harassment for longer than you were ever on friendly terms with us. im not going to let you goad me so you can pretend that im starting it, so that you can screenshot it and whine about me attacking you in private where nobody can see. the gambit is fucking laughable. here it is! you want people to see!

i spent today with a good friend of mine, and for an hour at the end, we went 'damn, what the hell is wrong with her,' deleted a barely-used tumblr blog, and went about our way, which is evidently something you have demonstated that you incapable of fucking doing. so im gonna ask you again to leave me the fuck alone, and im again gonna block you on asterineae, which i already had done, because i know youre gonna block evade to see this shit anyway. piss off you fucking mega loser and stop making what you choose to jerk off to my goddamn problem via repeated harassment. jesus fucking christ

[eggtwobroes]

big post explaining/apologizing for my (eggtwobroes/theyhitthepentagon) behavior under the read more

sorry for maintagging this i just. think its important

i dont really kniw how to word what im thinking so im like. going to type it as im thinking. but i wanted to make a real genuine post explaining my behavior over the past year, because ive been a dick there is no avoiding it!! this post is going to be about how ive acted from june up until now. im mostly going to be explaining the situations and apologizing. if you see this please feel free to share it around, i know it most likely will not reach alot of people because i have like. a loot of people blocked. and alot of people have me blocked. idk please share this ok thank u

back in june 2022 (specifically one year tomorrow, june 16th) i got like. really worked up after i had foundout that most of my adult mutuals (and some people i followed) were drawing hlvrai nsfw! the only post i had made about it (at least from what i remember) is liiike a not Kind post that basically said "hey if u like hlvrai nsfw please block me i thought that was common sense". after i posted this a large hlvrai artist (either by chance or caused by me) posted like "hey if u shit on hlvrai porn ur homophobic! sex is an important part of gay relationships etc etc"

this caused a Massive out break of discourse over hlvrai nsfw and me getting alot of adults in my inbox being weird towards me. here i feel its important to mention that:

when i was 12, i was around Ex Friends that posted a lot of porn of media i liked. even though most of them were teenagers and not that much older than me it Greatly Impacted Me and how i act, both related to what i saw and how i was treated

i used twitter from ages 12-15 (recently left) and you know how they handle conflict there. its not good

i dont think either of these excuse how i acted (but they may explain it)

the combined pressure of getting a bunch of adults in my anons being (from my perspective) really weird about this 14 year old kid who doesnt want porn artists to interact, and the unhealed trauma of Being Exposed To Homestuck Porn When I Was 12 (a devastating situation that everyone goes though all the time) i didnt really. handle it in a Good Way. which Means i sent horrible anon hate to people.i dont clearly remember if i made alot of public posts about the situation at the time (beyond answering the anons i was getting) but if i did im very very VERY sorry.

i feel like. alot of how i acted during this time (june-early august, mostly) was extremely Dickish and rude. as much as i justify or explain why i acted the way i did, i was still causing issues and handling the situation in a way that was unhealthy for not just myself but for everyone else around me. for this i really genuinely do apologize as much as i can, to the people ive hurt (melonsharks, xenodogz, many other artists) and to the people who were annoyed by me rehashing 3 year old drama. ever since the situation i have been working towards learning to block people and move on if they make content that makes me feel nauseous.

As for how ive acted in recent months, mostly over characterization, im not going to pretend that im already a new person. because im not! as much as i say im trying to be less of an asshole im just Not. it takes effort that i feel like im not putting in.

for those who just Dont look at my pages often enough, i will occasionally make posts about how hlvrai fans treat or characterize the. characters. and lets behonest these posts are really rude and ive been working on at LEAST being more vague or keeping it in private or like. just Not Posting it. but of course i HAVENT done all of those things! ive been really unvague!

ive posted direct screenshots of authors writing (someone younger than me, ive recently learned) to shit on it for being mischaracterized. i should Not have done that. at the very least i should have kept my thoughts to myself, not even shared with my friends.

after reading how other authors and artists have felt about the things ive said, and looking at the way ive come to think of other artists or authors in the community, ive realized that even though i thought i was targetting mischaracterization and poor treatment of the characters, i was harming and discouraging artists and authors who are still learning and growing as creators.

for this, im VERY very sorry to all of the artists and writers ive hurt or discouraged with my posts. i want to personally apologize to joyflameball, for publicly posting about and hating on your writing and the discouragement i caused as a result. i should have never put mischaracterization over your own feelings, and i definitely should not have put your work on blast, especially because we are (i think) around the same age. i will be trying as best as i can to deconstruct the way ive come to think of other creators in this community and support other creators as best i can.

i dont expect to be forgiven for the way ive acted, since alot of this is VERY very recent and so far i dont think ive shown any signs of improvement. i am writing this post now because i want you all to know that i will be trying my hardest to become a better person, change the way i think of other people, and change the way i act in public. i dont think my actions can be excused, as much as i try my best to explain them from my perspective. ive undeniably hurt many people. if i havent addressed something important, or if you have any questions/things to say, please feel free to send me an ask or dm me at wretched yaoi lich#9564 on discord. im most likely going to be queueing this post alot so my followers see it. thank u for ur time

[deliriousfangirl61]

Grounded [Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw] Chapter IV

Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Liv "Queenie" Fairdon

Masterlist [~~~~]

18+

Series Warnings: Death, Violence, Cursing, Smut (later chapters). MINORS DO NOT INTERACT 18+

-------------------------

Description: It's been two years since the accident that turned Liv "Queenie" Fairdon's life upside down, and she's fine... supposedly. She seems to have come to terms with being Grounded permanently and the ache in her chest after losing her brother lessening day after day. She has come to love her job at the base and her home that she fixed up. Liv thought being Grounded was going to do her in for good but she seems absolutely fine. However, when a high-priority mission arises forcing the best of the best back to North Island old feelings begin to stir forcing Liv to deal with feelings she has buried. Not only that, but Bradley (Rooster) Bradshaw is gonna force new feelings causing Liv to question the walls she had perfectly put in place.

"Shit."

The metal travel mug clangs against my kitchen counter loudly as it slips through my fingers and some of the scolding hot coffee hits my skin. I bite down on my cheek to keep from cursing some more.

I freeze in my position holding both the travel mug and coffee pot still as I listen for the not-so-soft snores that are filling my living room. Bob's deafening sounds reach my ears and I sigh in relief. Bob doesn't snore often, only when he is either truly exhausted or feels completely comfortable and safe. Which I guess I can take as a compliment not that Bob has ever stopped his snoring in my presence before. The only time I've ever heard him not snore is when he was glued to that uncomfortable chair in the corner of my hospital room while I was recovering.

Bob's snores continue to float through my home as I get ready for work. I had tried to wake him last night in order to convince him to move to the spare bedroom but sadly most of the time Bob is a dead weight when sleeping and nearly impossible to wake.

I grab my bag and the few files I had taken home to look over (I never got to them) into my arms. I tiptoe past Bob's sleeping figure his mouth wide open and head tilted slightly to the side. I write him a note that I'm only working a half day and to make himself at home until I get back and we will spend the rest of the day together.

I also swipe the keys to his Jeep. Since he blocked me in and I don't want to move it just to have to get my car out of the garage. Besides, I know Bob won't mind so I blast his radio and roll down the windows and let the top down.

The drive to the base is easy and short and before I know it I am pulling into my parking spot and gathering my things. Sundays are slow days for us most of the time people-wise. However, the work always seems to still be the same.

As soon as I enter the building I am flagged by two other civilian analysts, both of which have cases for me to cover since they are out of their security clearance. I am then immediately pulled into the briefing. Warlock settles next to me shooting me a look I know all too well as more admirals and other personnel fill the room. I send him a small smile and pull out my journal to take notes.

The briefing is filled with admirals all of whom want to share their two cents and make subtle bets on who they think will be a part of the team. Warlock and I send each other looks throughout the meeting, both of us have never been a fan of the other showboating Admirals in our circle but we both have to deal with them.

Most of the admirals in here like me enough to not completely ignore me when I offer my own knowledge on the topic. Some even kiss up to me at times, they think if they are nice to me their analytics on missions get done faster (that's partially true).

Warlock stays silent next to me throughout the whole meeting. The only time he makes a sound is to snort in amusement when admirals rush towards me at the end to ask me for my rush on their advisory reports which they need to get their missions started. By the end of their shoving and half-assed compliments, I have a quite large stack. Warlock offers his help but he is summoned to deal with something else. I assure him I'm fine and make my exit. As much as I truly love my job I hate briefings with a passion, especially the ones with admirals and all their demands.

I balance the files in my arms trying to take a few sips of my coffee in hopes it will start working a bit faster. Normally I don't mind taking over cases but on top of my special assignment, it will just be a nightmare trying to manage it all in the next few weeks. The admirals will also no doubt be pestering me the whole time. That thought alone makes me want to bang my head against the wall. Maybe I can just pass them off to some other specialists, ones who don't have any special assignments.

"That stack looks like it weighs more than you." My head snaps up in his direction.

Bradley stands in a hallway I often avoid most days. His grey shirt is stuck to him with sweat and some of the longer pieces of his hair stick to his forehead a little bit. He stands at the far end of the hall headphones hanging around his neck and looking like a photocopy of the man in the portrait behind him.

My eyes catch on Andy's portrait and a familiar tug yanks on my heart and I focus on Bradley. He walks a bit closer so he doesn't have to yell.

"I'm a lot stronger than I look, Bradshaw."

"Back on last names now."

"We're at work have to keep it professional," I say readjusting the files in my arms.

"Fair enough."

Bradley steps forward scooping the files out of my arms which I have to admit is a welcome occurrence my arms were starting to ache.

"Thank you. It's a bit early do you normally take your morning runs at 7:00 am."

Bradley shrugs his shoulders. "Couldn't sleep."

I hum. I know that feeling all too well.

"What are you doing here so early Fairdon?" My last name rolls off his tongue in a way that makes me smile. I don't fully know why it sounds so nice coming from his lips but I can't say I mind it.

"I had a briefing about the upcoming mission."

Bradley perks up at that.

"Any information you can pass along."

I smirk up at him as we come to a stop in front of my office door.

"You will find out with everyone else Leautinant Bradshaw."

I push open the door and the cool air of my office hits my skin. Goodness, that feels nice. Bradley must enjoy it too because I hear the faintest of sighs leave his lips.

"Where would you like these?" Bradley gestures to the stack in his hands.

"Oh here." I take the massive stack back from him. "Thank you for that, the admirals in the meeting jumped at the chance to submit their mission portfolios in person.

I dump the large stack on one of the tables and go to sit down at my desk. Bradley has made his way to my windowsill and his eyes are roaming over all of my knickknacks. He looks oddly at home in my office, the morning sun cascading over him and once again I am reminded that this man is freaking gorgeous.

I snap my gaze away focusing on the stack of folders. I am not about to be found gawking at this man in my own office. My little coffee pot beeps telling me that it is finished brewing. It's great timing really I have it on perfect timing. This one finishes just about when I get to work and I have already drank the one I made for myself at home. Sure enough, as I lift my travel mug it is nearly empty and I smile. Bob insists I am a coffeeholic, he is probably right.

"Would you like some coffee?" I ask Bradley as I stand.

His attention slowly turns away from the knickknacks back to me and a charming smile spreads over his face.

"I would love some."

I pour the Leautinant a cup and pass it over to him. He slides down into one of the chairs situated in from of my desk. His eyes go back to my windowsill.

"Where did you get all these?" He asks as he brings the mug to his lips.

"All over really, some from thrift stores, some were given to me, a few came from Admiral Simpson's daughters."

Bradley nods before turning his attention back to me. I focus on sorting through the stack of files that need to be analyzed. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him lean back a bit and relax. A roar of a jet engine tears my attention away and I glance out my window. A Tomcat is speeding off for take-off.

"Do you miss flying?"

I turn back towards Bradley, he's watching me with a pensive expression. I've seen it to some degree on Bob's face. I consider lying, telling him I don't miss flying whatsoever, that some part of me, despite everything, still craves that adrenaline.

I shrug instead.

"I really love my job now so there's not too much to miss."

We don't say anything, we just stare at each other without wavering. I can't tell if he is trying to figure me out or wondering how the legendary Queenie is seemingly content with sitting behind a desk for the rest of her life.

Bradley and I sit in silence until he says goodbye. I expected the silence to be awkward or tense after his question. Strangely enough, it was comfortable. He switched between watching me go through files and watching the jets take off. He sipped his coffee and seemed entirely content in that chair while I worked. I almost missed his presence when he left... almost. Until I realized I did work a bit faster when those hazel eyes weren't watching me.

Warlock comes in a bit after Bradley leaves to tell me that I am not allowed to take all the cases given to me this morning. Which I laugh at. When I told him I was already in the process of splitting them up for the rest of my team he left pleased but not before making sure I was feeling okay once again about this mission.

-

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When I pull back into my driveway around noon Bob has my garage open and he has pulled out the surfboards.

"Figured we could enjoy a beach day, the surf looks great," Bob says as he meets me at the door of the Jeep.

"That sounds great."

An hour later Bob and I are at one of our favorite surf spots, It's a bit farther from the tourist location but neither of us minds the drive. Bob and I sit in the sand waxing our boards.

"How was the briefing this morning?" Bob breaks the serene silence of the beach and its waves.

"It went like any other briefing, admirals talking over one another and Warlock and I trying not to laugh at the ego war."

Bob chuckles before his eyebrows scrunch as a thought passes through his mind.

"Yeah, but how are you feeling about it I mean this mission is scarily similar..."

"It's not the same in the most important ways. I'll be okay Bobby, because this mission is gonna go smoothly, everyone is gonna be fine and you and I are gonna celebrate when you get home by going on my last flight." I say it with such a finality that Bob blinks at me.

"Okay, Liv." A small smile spreads onto his lips.

I don't know if he fully believes what I just said but he doesn't question it. Instead, I notice him peeking out at me every once in a while from the corner of my eye. I have to be right though, because if I'm not and Bob doesn't come back I don't think I could handle that. I can't handle losing another brother.

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I'm so sorry it took me so long to update I had some serious health problems this summer that left me a bit out of sorts. But I'm back now and hopefully, I can continue my stories.

[~~~~] Next Chapter- Coming Soon!

[sakuracyanide]

independent & selective zoisite of sailor moon. 90s canon-based with ample headcanon. multiverse. multiship. not spoiler free. do not interact if under 21. written by iri, established April 2024. personals can follow but do not interact with these posts, it interferes with tracking.

i. character focused, not ship focused. whether or not i ship a thing is largely based on if i feel our writing and characters click. i am multship and do not practice exclusivity on my blogs.

ii. i have precious little free and want to keep my non-work spaces chill and fun. we are smashing barbies together, please remember that. i work pretty hard to curate a chill space online which means i will unfollow for things like excessive negativity or serious real world topics being discussed w/o trigger warnings or under a cut. your blog is your space and i won't argue with you about how to run it, i take full responsibility for my online experience. unfollowing is very rarely personal & i'll still play with folks i break mutuals with, i just don't want to be sidelined by triggering content.

iii. speaking of little free time, activity will range from lightning fast to a snail's pace depending on how much i have going on in my offline life.

iv. if we're mutuals feel free to hit up my messenger. discord is available on request so long as you're chill with me forgetting to reply for 8000 years.

v. i have a lot of headcanons & use a mix of all canons, but the main version of the character i play is the 90s one. with that said i can veer into other canons (such as pgsm, musicals, etc) but please note that i only ship ami/zoisite as platonic soulmates.

vi. most importantly - i'm down to change or pivot direction to keep things fun in any thread.

vii. t feels important to mention have a medical issue that affects my memory so i would appreciate patience if i forget things. i don't mind being reminded to reply if something has been sitting for a long time! my short term memory and general sense of time is shot but i will wake up in a cold sweat six months later and remember i forgot to do something.

likewise, i genuinely do not remember if i have followed someone or not unless we interact often so i'd suggest blocking rather than softblocking if you don't want me refollowing. i don't take it personal, your space & your rules.

verses.

golden dreams. golden kingdom. set in the golden kingdom. a high-fantasy drama where i run wild with my headcanons. zoisite is madly in love with kunzite but is repressing it.

in the dark of the night. dark kingdom. 90s anime timeline.

the moonlight carries the mesasge of love. revival. after galaxia has been dealt with and metallia has been quelled, the reborn shitennou finally awake to their true power - their curses finally broken. marion, the reborn zoisite, makes his way from russia to japan and there - has to figure out how to make amends to the price he twice betrayed, and the guardians he tried to kill.

fragmentary abyss. honkai. one of diamond's four 'assistants', known for both his beauty and exceptional ruthlessness. zoisite has only ever known life in the ipc, and while he bears a stone name (and stone fragments) he is not considered to be a stoneheart.

all four of diamond's assistants are vidyadhara... though were may be the better tense. while all four were once high elders this is a title they can no longer hold. and the vidyadhara do not claim them as kin.

you see, these four were thought lost after the vidyadhara had to flee their homeland. their pearls were shattered, though it is difficult to know if this shattering occurred upon their deaths or if they were stolen and shattered in the attempt. there is no one left alive who can tell the true tale, and the men themselves hold but vague concepts of who and what they once were.

in time these fragments appeared on the black market, before finally falling into the hands of the IPC. they were pieced back together using fragments of cornerstones. they are not recognized by the vidyadhara as the same beings they once were and are viewed as abominations - the breathing equivalent of zombies. though they have access to many of the abilities now lost (shapeshifting, full dragon transformation, mastery of elements) they are unable to use cloud hymn magic and it is unknown if their mangled pearls will allow them to revive should they die again.

the sun goes out. genshin. in a past life, "zoisite" was the szhneznaya god dazhbog, who was said to rule over fire and the sun. dazhbog took many forms - a black tortise, a fire-breathing horse, a beautiful man and an equally beautiful woman. all imagery associated with this god has been lost to time, save for the descendants of his most devoted and the entities long-lived enough to remember his quick wit and sharp smile.

during the archon war, dazhbog aided the cryo archon and gained a new dominion - war. the god was known as a fierce combatant, unrelenting and unwilling to call defeat. he achieved victory at any cost - and, as he would go on to tell others, that cost was very nearly his soul itself. when the dust settled his kingdom was decimated, and he had lost the will to rule as a god after witnessing the cruelty that his kind inflicted upon their own. dazhbog left this homeland and ventured to khanri'ah with his three closest friends, believing that the time of gods was done and it was time to entrust the future of the world to mankind. the four of them took human form and worked as guardians to the royal family. they served as loyal guardians to the kingdom.

which... ultimately proved to be their downfall.

dazhbog became infected with forbidden knowledge. there was still enough of him to save, though what survived was but a fragment. dazhbog and his fellow gods faded from existence, 'reborn' centuries later as ostensibly human children. he was found abandoned at the foot of a the rubble of a long forgotten god, and was raised by handlers to be an assassin.

each reincarnated guardian bears the scars of what they had witnessed that day - for dazhbog, renamed zoisite, this manifested in his left eye. no longer did it bare the star-shaped pupils of his chosen human guise, it now looked like a nova. multiple pupils all within one gaze, the mark of one who had glimpsed truth not meant to be known.

zoisite was raised within the fatui, and due to his great talent and thirst for knwoledge, was sent on a mission as a spy (how active he is depends largely on who he's threading with) to sumeru where has been living since he was about thirteen. he's a scholar in spantamad as is well on his way to becoming sage.

he has a unique talent for magic, allowing him to use all elements offensively. it's rumored that his distorted eye (which he claims to be blind in, opting to cover it with his hair) grants him sight beyond sight. in truth, his abilities allow him to tug at the fabric of the reality.

a question of duty .final fantasy vii. a member of the turks, "zoisite" joined shinra with the intentions of becoming a SOLDIER as all young boys do. when this fell through, the young man was instead recruited by the turks.

hailing from cosmo canyon, zoisite has a surprising connection to the earth - if you trace his lineage back far enough, you'll find cetra. but not nearly enough to hear the planet's call. even if he could, the young man's thirst for power dwarfs his sense of duty to it.

[hotsugarbyglassanimals]

this is untagged sorry

The hardest thing for me to grapple with post emotional abuse is coming to terms with how much of it was likely done on purpose, the fact that it WAS actually abuse, and how much it is affecting me years later cause ive never properly addressed it w/ real guidance.

I dont even know how to explain that it’s not even just a matter of like. oh i’m mad/sad this person treated me like shit it’s more like the way I was treated seeps into how I interact with people to this day! but if I like . talk about it i may have to deal w/ assholes who think i couldn’t get over a high school ex or something. god forbid they live through someone completely eroding their sense of self. I can’t even explain how that feels, but it made me suicidal. It felt like I’d only stop feeling like I belonged to her (not with her, TO her) if I were dead. (thankfully it went away). it’s not even about Her as a modern day person, but the construct of her that exists in the past. I never have nightmares where she looks how she actually looks nowadays, it’s only ever how she looked as a teen. When I get triggered because there’s someone who looks like her, it’s the same way. It’s the past version of her that haunts me.

Not to mention how warped my view of sexuality got. I became too eager to sexually please people, im lucky that im in a healthy relationship where im not exploited anymore. I started off associating affection heavily with performing sexual acts… My body doesn’t react to stimulus that used to turn me on. I have a time limit during sex until I’m just not able to continue, regardless of what happened. Idk if it was dysphoria before top surgery but anything involving my chest would make me tear up because of what she did to me. I bend down and pick things up in such a specific way because of how she used to see me as a sex object. She didn’t respect my dysphoria. She touched my chest through my binder or would stick her hands under it, because her pleasure was more important than my comfort.

I put up such a facade of stoicism and strength after breaking up with her because any hint of vulnerability with her had me treated as an inconvenience. I was such a confident and self assured person before I dated her, a defense mechanism for how much I was outcasted by others sure, but I didn’t let people try to get me down. But I slowly let her sand the edges off of me because I felt I would lose her if I didn’t. I was someone who wasn’t afraid of telling people when something was wrong or when I was bothered, but with her I accepted it. I felt resigned to it. She’d lash me into submission.

I always thought maybe she was like that cause she was just an emotionally immature teenager who didn’t know better. But I don’t think so anymore. She admitted to me that she was being demanding and cruel (“pestering”) because she wanted sexual pleasure from me but was so mad that I didn’t have time to invite her over. She lied to my face about respecting whatever decision I made irt leaving her out of my life or letting her back in… Only to guilt trip and try to manipulate me into letting her back in, not taking no for an answer until I told her to back off and blocked her. Most people with shit exes just complain about how much they sucked. I saw her when she was working once years later, froze in a panic, and ran away out of desperation. Her sending me a message to reconnect with me after we broke up while I was working through trauma sent a chill up my spine. that’s not normal.

I won’t ever know her train of thought when we dated. and she would never give me an honest account of that. she may not have calculatedly went “i’ll act like this to make them do that” but she expressed her feelings with the expectation that I’d change my behavior to please her, then lashed out when it didn’t work. I thought she just didn’t want us to argue when we disagreed with something… but getting your partner to shut up about a topic you disagree with them on, then essentially saying fuck you to them when they bring it up again later is… Bad. and I really do mean Shut Up. She’d tell me to drop a conversation at any sign of a disagreement, and I thought this was reasonable because we agreed we wouldn’t talk about religion (she was a christian at the time, i was an atheist and still am one) but it didn’t stop at that.

I have a difficult time processing all of it. I still have a hard time believing she acted the way she did as a conscious choice, especially because of our ages at the time (14-16). I don’t even really know what a reasonable expectation would be for someone to act at that age, because I don’t even remember what it was like. genuinely. When I look back at it all, it feels like there were a few years where someone else was in my body instead of me. I don’t quite remember my thought processes. I remember how I felt, I just don’t feel like my decisions were my own. Just a poor child who I watched go through all of that.

This way longer than I thought it was going to be and I don’t even feel like I scratched the surface of how I’m feeling right now. I just feel damaged and it has nothing to do with her, who she is as a person, right now and more to do with the fact that I feel like a plate that was thrown at a wall, shattered, and somewhat glued back together. I have cracks all over me and it’d be ridiculous to act like I don’t. I’m not a “broken” person per say but I’ve been changed

[onlyjaeyun]

I sent you an ask about the Jay smau, idk if you got it, since tumblr just hasn't been sending some of my ask, I know you said you were gonna not answer one since it gave you ideas, which I know the one I sent started with something about us all sharing braincells and talked about the bff could sabotage y/n, and how Jay might respond and all once him and y/n are together. If you didn't get it, you could let me know and I'll try to resend it.

Also to reply to the other ask I sent you, I feel like NCTzens are either amazing to writers or so toxic. Like I once did an MTL that was an ask and it was who would like a thicc s/o and I put Taeyong like in the middle, and I got so much hate, someone spammed my inbox with like 40 messages saying Taeyong would never want a fatty, and they made like 10 fake accounts to comment on all of my NCT mtls to share their opinion, and I just had to delete most of my NCT MTLs and block like 20 accounts. They were so mad that I said Taeyong would probably want a an s/o that eats well, they felt the need to attack me so badly, I quit writing MTLS for NCT after that. Then I would have people in my asks complaining about me not doing them anymore, and it's just like I wonder why; you ask my opinion and then when I say Johnny would love a girl with a fat ass you attack me since it's not want you wanted me to say. I've been in a lot of fandoms, and I'm lucky most I've been don't go out of their way to attack you for a varying opinion or disliking something, but NCTzens it's just like where do you get the audacity.

I feel like they would probably think I'm some weird and be all ew p*d0 or something, but I'm just such a mom friend it's just like if you are younger than I and we are interacting, I now view you as my child nothing else; but it's just easier to avoid talking to them, since people always immediately assume the worst, which I don't blame them since there are so many weirdos on here. tbh it is, like I see no age anywhere or like even an age range, like just put 18+ or 21+, just let me know you are legal, otherwise I run the other way and hit that block button with such speed, it could rival Usain Bolt; since I just immediately assume minor that doesn't want you to know they are a minor. The same is for people who write smut about minors, when they themselves are not, even if they didn't know the age of the idol. Like I saw someone the other day that wrote Niki smut and someone messaged them saying 'he's a minor', they full on said "omg I had no idea, he looks like he's 20" and like this is why we can't have nice things, at least they deleted their stuff, but still immediate block.

the czennie fandom part: YES. i feel like czennies on here just overdo everything like calm tf down and if you dont like certain type of content just..dont read it? its honestly so sad bc they used to be my ults but i also had such bad experiences in that fandom it's heartbreaking. ive been so much more cautious and careful with what i post ever since and i feel like a lot of fellow former nct writers feel that way. its just so difficult to deal with it all bc you do it as a hobby and to kinda escape the real world and boom, hate and negativity everwhere. i'd never go back to writing for nct for that sole reason only. im so sorry you had to go through that baby, i know exactly how disheartening and demotivating that can be 💔

about the whole age thing: FULLHEARTEADLY AGREED. i think with a fandom this young its super difficult to find a good balance but im honestly glad most of us older engenes think that way and so far most younger ones have been super respectful (tho i did have to block a few minors bc they interacted with my nsfw content) i still feel a lot more comfortable than i did in other fandoms. the thing is, atp if a 05/06 liner happens to write smut about an idol the same age i just close both eyes and block them bc who am i to tell them what to do yk? yet not knowing an idols age you write for is kinda ???? nah, dont fw but deffo get your other points. also i lit felt the mom friend part so hard bc same (more like older sister friend) but im genuinely afraid creeping out younger engenes bc i dont wanna seem like im being a weirdo 😭

[vivisols]

Hi Vivisols! Or i guess Vivian now, feels disrespectful to call you that for some reason because its been too long.

Im one of your long time missing anons! I bet you wont guess who until the end! Hehe

Just wanted to stop by and say hi! For the first time in ages, I’m soooooo sorry to have left out of the blue without a proper goodbye, and I know despite my anon status it felt like we were good enough acquaintances that you deserved a goodbye!

Are you well? I hope so! Any new projects? Anything I’ve missed?

I’ve been quite okay despite it all! And Ive been thinking about your fics a lot recently, I’ll definitely be rereading them soon. And hey! Maybe I’ll stop on by when I’ve done so!

Here’s something positive before I sign off.

From what little we’ve interacted, I’ve always gotten a determined feeling from you, a confident attitude. You’ve always seemed like the type to keep pushing even when times got tough, or the very least pick yourself up, and try again, and I hope you keep that quality.

Enjoy yourself and the time you have, be cringe and free, share every story you’ve ever wanted to share, even if you dont finish them, and love what you want to love.

Your soul is beautiful, thank you for letting it thrive.

Goodbye for now, but definitely not forever!

Yours truly,

~Recommendation Anon~

P.S. I have nothing to recommend! Im so mad! It would’ve been so fun to just plop something in your hands before leaving again. Maybe reread a story you havent thought about in awhile! I always love giving my favorites a reread. Okay bye bye! ❤️

AW SHUCKS HELLO!!!!! ITS BEEN A WHILE BUT ITS SO GOOD TO SEE YOU AFTER SO LONG!!!!! :DDDD

don't even worry about it!!!!!! things happen all the time and I got wayyy too busy myself this year... hope you had a good one at least! xD

personally, im doing good! save for the giant bit of writers block thats been plaguing me for months xP ive got a lotta plans and none of them want to come to fruition!!! terrible!!!!!! buuuut im definitely gonna keep trying to wrangle SOMETHING out of me before the end of the year if i can help it! even if theres only a few days left... x3

ive got a few projects I mainly wanna do planned out, particularly a new DCA fic and a DCA visual novel, yet alas... writing em just doesnt wanna happen. but dont worry! this is part of the cycle for me xD i have really really REALLY good period of writing then BOOM. months of writers block lmao. so i wouldn't say you've missed much! besides me getting dragged by my hyperfixations into 300 new fandoms hahaha xD

if you do decide to reread em, feel free to come on back if you want to! i still love them deeply, nd i still love the DCA. id be down to yap about them so much x3 (also: cannot believe claw at the stars is over a year old. and the future stares back is ALMOST a year old.... the passage of time... scary)

AND THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH! that means a LOT to me to hear!! i cant express how much I needed to hear that rn but awe thank you!!!!! i teared up a little ngl THANK YOUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!! SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

p.s. dont worry about it! the fact you even stopped by and wrote such a nice message means so much to me already. even if you dont have a recommendation thats a-okay!!!!! im just glad to see you still around!!! nd in the meantime, i'll see if I can dig through my extensive bookmark list for one of my long-time favs to read over breakfast x3c

[myaoiboy]

heyy sorry dunno if ur ok with ppl asking for advice, but ive been on the twitter mgs fandom for a little while (mostly as a watcher rather than participating other than liking, rting and occasionally commenting or posting some art) and after a while i realized (a bit too late) that quite a few people that i interacted with are aggressively anti and i dont know how to pull away from them now.

Some were mutuals, i stopped following most of them but they still follow me and im not sure if i should just ignore it or whatever. My main account is very clean when it comes to pro/anti discussion and NSFW in general, altho i do like/rt/discuss a lot of anime art and media that has some questionable content in it (like the monogatari series for example)

Anyway, im just a bit scared they might see these "cracks" and it gets to a point of agression/exclusion/doxxing etc and im a bit terrified of that. Sorry if this sounds dumb, but could i ask you what you experience with the mgs fandom is like on twitter? Have you ever been in a similar situation?

It's totally cool to ask for advice! I'm not sure how much help I'll be though.

I have a twitter that's mostly MGS-focused, but I've been building up defenses against the anti movement for a long time before that. I used to be mutuals with someone who was a really notorious asshole twitter anti, actually. I broke that when they started publicly slandering me, but before they could actually dox me, and they still followed me on side accounts for a couple years after that. I got very careful about vetting who I regularly interact with after that.

I got lucky dropping into MGS fandom, I've found a bunch of people who enjoy freaky stuff as much as I do. But I also had one of those friends get doxxed a while back over ship discourse that was spun as something much worse.

Personally, if I see a callout post and it looks fishy (only includes accusations of fic or art, etc), I will a lot of times block everyone that's retweeted or liked it. It's made me sad a couple of times to break mutuals, but I know I'm saving myself the pain later of potentially seeing them fall for it with me. This, when my friend got doxxed, ended up causing me to block like half of the twitter MGS fandom ngl.

Honestly, my secret to not accidentally making full on anti friends is that when I get into a new fandom, I look up their discourse and who antis say shouldn't be shipped together. Then I look and see who makes art/fic of those ships. If I don't like those ships specifically, I find people who ship both that and whatever I like. Usually I end up liking one or more of them anyways (solimiller...). Or I'll go through that fandom's fics with warnings on them and check out those authors' other works.

That's how I keep accidentally meeting a lot of people in fandom, it turns out. I read a fic, I look at the author's other works or their profile, it has a social media handle, or a discord link, or whatever else, next thing I know I'm talking to them and 5 more people they recommended about whatever freaky kink I found of theirs.

I do actually have a (mostly nsfw) discord link that I would share here, but given some of the weird interactions I've gotten tonight I'm gonna wait a couple days before I post it publicly. It's fandom neutral technically but a lot of us like our war boys (mgs/cod mostly). But uhhh if anybody sees this and wants in feel free to dm me/send an off-anon ask and I'll slip ya a link real quiet.

I warn people some of the heavier content that I regularly post as well, even though I don't explicitly use any discourse labels, but honestly the biggest thing is just pulling your interactions like weeds. People on the internet are, mostly, strangers. You don't like someone's vibes? You can block 'em. You see them being a dick to someone else and don't wanna risk them doing the same to you ? Definitely block. Someone makes posts you don't like and it keeps filling up the tags you frequent? You can block that!

[thanatoaster]

Finally made the decision to orphan that one fic on my account Ive never actually read. I was so frustrated and angry about how it all went down with the co-author, and the idea for it was one I'd had for a long time before meeting them.

I really wanted to eventually go back and re-edit it myself since I had no idea how it had turned out after their editing. But it just made me sick and angry so it sat there, under only my name, and I kept getting comments and kudos on a fic I'd cowritten but looked like it was only mine now. I could NEVER write >200000 words solo.

So, I finally orphaned it and got it off my account. It's still a shame since it was so important to me as it was written, but now a weight has been lifted. And if I ever do decide to read it.... It's still there.

I still have the other fic I cowrote with them, but I was actually a part of the editing process and approved everything that was posted for that one. I know what's in it and have reread it since.

It still sucks thats my longest work but it's still not as high a bar as the one I just got rid of so that's something I guess.

They have me blocked on tumblr but are still the go-to writer for my OTP. It literally makes fandom interaction impossible. So I just kinda appreciate the pair without interacting with other fans now. It's fucking sad lmao.

Also they hang out with antis now soooo like it probably woulda been like this regardless of shit that happened before.

[indigosfindings]

updates having beaten the game

i know ive said this like twice already but i really really wish that more exploration stuff was unlocked by the acquisition of new pixls & characters. like, they consistently allow you to access things to complete their respective chapter, & they let you reach the next heart pillar, & that's basically it. it's particularly disappointing considering that it would take very little--toss a block cudge can break somewhere in chapter 3, or have a treasure room in flipside that you cant enter until you have carrie, or even put a peach-related thing in 7-1. then again, in the absence of badges & proper sidequests, what would the rewards even be? more catch cards???

the Chapter Padding/Imposed Backtracking continues to exist, & as i said about ttyd i think that it works best when theres a sufficiently charming framing (eg the overthere stair fruit thing) as opposed to when there's a more flimsy & perfunctory justification (like the hags essentially telling you "redo (part of) this level twice")--it's the difference between feeling like a genuine Quest vs like filling a clunky quota. the dimentio tag thing is like halfway between these two points

i also mentioned in my ttyd liveblog that that game's Big Interactive Set Pieces (like the punis and the glitz pit) drastically reduce in number after chapter 3, but spm keeps them through almost every chapter--the underchomp, the dorguys, etc appear pretty late in the game! tbh i get the sense that in terms of structure spm was designed a lot more holistically than ttyd was--hence the insane degree of foreshadowing

the underchomp is kind of fascinating. it's shockingly in-depth (there's interactions for every pixl???) for being essentially a one-off set piece that railroads you to victory

catch cards are mildly interesting but theyre the kind of collection task that's just too herculean to undertake--like, i can only do completionism up to a certain point, & if completing the list is going to rely on a LOT of chance-based rolls then i might as well just install genshin

women really are written in Some Kind Of Way (the hags, luvbi getting in verbal slapfights with tippi & peach, etc)

it would have been really easy to just make the 3d environments be the 2d environments With Extras, so im really glad that they pretty consistently make you lose access to 2d objects and/or add additional hazards

i have found it beneficial to the game experience to just actively Never use hp plus or power plus

"block meal" is so fucking funny

the overthere levels might be the ones where my attention wanders most--tbh ive never really cared for heaven, just like from an aesthetic standpoint

i will say though, the overthere has what might be my favourite background in the game (and that's saying something lol)...... the many, many parallax layers of interlocking circles function almost as an interactive study in adaptive composition

the bonechill fight is a bit of a letdown in contrast to the buildup

i said this before, but i really think all of the "doubled atk" effects ahouldve been +1 or +2 instead, or otherwise all the enemies & bosses shouldve had 1.5 or 2x the hp

the scene where luvbi "dies" was surprisingly heartfelt--her spat with grambi & jaydes produces a sense of emotional authenticity that really elevates the scene beyond the sum of its parts in a way that i dont think any mario game has even really attempted since. yesterday i watched it 2017 for the first time and throughout all the hollow, vapid dead-brother scenes i was struck by how comical that movie's failure to illustrate earnest grief & family dynamics was in comparison to a ~3 minute cutscene from super paper mario

on that note, i really like how after that heartfelt scene when grambi is like "please...... take care of the pure heart............" luigi is like "okeydokey." girl read the room

i LOOOOVVVEEE when dimentio is like "oh btw count, have you ever heard the name 'blumiere'~?" like he didnt gain anything from that it was just pure cattiness, im obsessed with him

i like how the subchapters of castle bleck are themed around their respective bosses--o'chunks's level is a gauntlet, mimi's level is full of tricks & traps, dimentio's level has puzzles & illusions, and bleck's level is like a final labyrinth

castle bleck is pretty similar to the palace of shadow insofar as theyre both largely linear gauntlets rather than "true" dungeons, yet for the most part i like castle bleck a lot better.... i think it's probably a mix of the platformer style being better suited to that kind of level design + the strength of the aesthetic

the final bosses are fun, especially super dimentio. the theme is great, and i LOVE the idea that luigi is like The Ultimate Darkness In Universe & that's just something we're not going to examine further or ever talk about again

between that and negative zone the nintendo wii really was just spoonfeeding luigi to matpat huh

the ending still makes me emotional as an adult! i cant rule out that nostalgia/carrying over the sentiments & attachments that i formed as a kid plays a large part in that, but i dont want to downplay the execution of the scene itself--it's sincere & evocative, it pays off a LOT of buildup, it plays to the attachments you form to the cast, and the music that plays in the wedding scene is gorgeous

nastasia is probably the saddest character. if only she couldve fixed him,,,

replaying super paper mario, sporadic thoughts post-chapter 2:

very easy so far--& although ttyd was also easy, spm's gameplay is sadly substantially less rich thab ttyd's was

having said that the game design in spm is! unrelentingly charming!! the use of platforming as a framework for a varied stream of stage styles (straightforward levels, dungeons, towns, the entire 2-3 Situation) is creative in a way that imo predicts the sort of things the mario maker community later ended up making. chapter 2's set pieces in particular are extremely quirky (the rooms with traps, the rubee thing, the mazelike basement, the merlee game show lmao)

few platformers have boss fights that feel like genuine Combat, so that's pretty cool

i will confess that as a First Dungeon, yold ruins doesnt have half the sauce of hooktail castle--it's much more linear in layout, with far less of that zelda-y "explore & comprehend the space" principle that made ttyd's dungeons hit

in a similar vein, it's kind of crazy how tippi has like a fraction of the personality that goombella had. it's a bit sad for the character doing the vast majority of the talking to just.... not really have any opinions on anything

the momentum of the chapters likewise means very few npcs ever get to stick out. like, even the "first town crotchety old mayor" character was a total one-and-done, one dialogue and you never have a reason to speak to him again (mostly just speaks to the game structure, which is as mentioned a bold enough exercise that i feel i cant really fault it for that)

bringing up a menu to use items In A Platforming Context is not at all natural to me, so im finding myself just not really using them

this game is a masterclass in visual design imo. the npcs & enemies & pixls being made of primitives that reconfigure themselves into different shapes really elevates the interplay of 2d & 3d, the backgrounds/environments are extremely aesthetically satisfying (the Mathmosphere in lineland, the optical illusion in the sky in gloam valley, all of castle bleck), & i love how the constant "digital/tech" motif (eg the "dragging selection boxes to flip/teleport", the trees & shrubs looking like something youd make in ms paint, etc) is an ingenious progression of paper mario's core aesthetic design

dimentio is so fun

the inter-chapter dialogue flashbacks are surprisingly earnest? for such a tongue-in-cheek game where almost every line of dialogue contains a joke of some kind, those exchanges feel humourless & sincere. that probably contributes to the Space the game occupies in all of our memories lol

i ADOOOORE nastasia

likewise it was really interesting how peach's "escape" sequence after chapter 1 was (while, again, still extremely sardonic) aesthetically & narratively framed with such a sense of Hopelessness. that's not to say like "woahh this mario game is 10x darker than you thought!!!!", more that it's just not a space the series commonly ventures into

the Ancients stuff is being leaned into extremely hard lol. ttyd mostly teases at that kind of "mysterious rpg lore" thing peripherally (the riddle tower inscriptions, grifty, etc) so it's interesting how spm puts it front & centre in contrast, without ever sacrificing the sense of mystique

this game really highlights how interesting the wiimote is as a controller--pressing the A button while holding it sideways (ie removing your left thumb from the direction input to press a button) is something that i cant think of any other controller doing, & it projects onto that button a really interesting sense of, like, Valence

it's the kind of game that seems to beg for one of thsoe posts like "things that ACTUALLY HAPPEN in _____"

[hornyvirgin69]

Your Guilty Pleasure

Yelena x F! Reader

Minors do not interact.‼️ if ur age isnt in your bio u will be blocked.

a/n: hiii, so this was like my 1st ever fic that i actually wrote (i have more fics but they are on wattpad) sooo please dont get ur hopes too high on this😁😁 bc i also didnt proofread this and... ive read alot of fanfics in this app and some are just too good and i know you guys here have very High expectations but so do iiii haha but yea, soo this fic is not gonna be as good as the ones u see on here but enjoy this so called drabble!! Thanks!

Liking/commenting/reblogging would be deeply appreciated!<3

Warnings: finger fucking!Gun play!swearing! I cant remember the rest im sorry, but if i missed anything pls make me aware, thank you!!

(Divider is from this)

You were assigned to clean the cafeteria by captain levi. It was around 9 in the evening and you were loading all the dishes, keep in mind you're the only one there. You were thinking about when all this chaos would be over, knowing that eren was now locked up after the incident that happened in marley. He's changed a lot, he looks a lot stronger but only physically, you can see in his eyes that he was hurting and that he was tired.

You and eren had a thing before when the both of you were around 17 or 16? but that was only because he had to use you. he told you he loved you but you knew deep down that he loved mikasa.

You've accepted it a long time ago, so it didn't hurt a lot. Besides, you've moved on already.

Sure.

Wiping your hands with a white cloth, you were about to go grab the mop until you heard the door open. Captain? I thought he was in a meeting? Ignoring it, you grabbed the mop and went to the small restroom in the corner to grab a sachet of detergent and soak the mop with water. You bent down to turn the faucet on until you felt someone grip your hips and pull you out of the room, making you yelp.

The person was really tall compared to your 5'1 height. (In this story your small🧍🏻‍♀️)

You were about to scream at the person and ask what the hell was wrong with them, instead you felt a gun at the back of your neck, you tried to turn your head to the side to at least get a glimpse of who the person was. When you did, you heard the gun click and immediately turned your head back where it was, fist clenching and your eyes shut.

"stop squirming, I won't hurt you." the familiar persons voice whispered, making you're heart skip a beat.

Yelena?

It was, indeed yelena. "yelena, let me go. Why the fuck are you doing this!?" Your voice almost cracked and you tried not to sound frightened and hiding the fact that you were scared shitless.

"Are you that clueless?" She scoffed.

"W—what?" You said through gritted teeth. Holding on to her arm for dear life that was around you to prevent you from squirming.

"Thought your pretty little brain had known..." she muttered. "I don't care what kind of relationship or what kind of feelings you have with eren. You. you're what I want, and need, of course."

What...

Flashback

You were with hange, levi, onyankapon and yelena. you guys were in the forest to look for survivors while waiting for updates from the scouts. You were in a tent with onyankapon and yelena, which for some reason, hange was not very happy about but before she could say anything, she had been dragged by levi since he needed her to talk with the other soldiers.

you and onyankapon engaged in a small conversation and you were talking about eren.

"So yeah, he said I was the most beautiful girl in the world and that he would give up everything for me and that whenever all this mess would end he was looking forward to building a family with me. He honestly was the bes-",

"boorrrinnnngggg" yelena cut you off, rolling her eyes and faking a yawn. "Men are boring. Except for you, onyankapon"

Your eye twitched and you looked at her confused. Eren was very important to you, so you were offended, "what? You said it yourself. He loves mikasa more. Get that through your thick skull, y/n"

End of flashback

Oh.

The warmth of her breath lingered on your nape making you shiver, "Now, now, no need to be scared of me. I won't hurt you, be a good girl and do as I say." You nodded, not wanting to do something you would regret.

You heard her set the gun on the counters as she turned you around so you were facing her, she looked down at your small figure while you looked up at her with wide eyes, she smirked and caressed your cheek while her other hand was on your lower back.

"Aww, don't be scared, baby. I won't hurt you." She said trying to calm you. Which, of course did not help because she was just too intimidating.

"You could have just told me..." you said in a calm voice while she chuckled and shooked her head. "Don't worry about it. For now. . . all I want is you" she tilted her head.

She leans in slowly and pauses before her lips meet yours, looking down at you with so much adoration. Her lips tastes so good, her aroma hits you hard, you feel your knees going week.

The hand that was on you lower back before, now squeezing your waist as the one that was caressing your cheek, now gripping your ass.

You wrapped your arms around her neck, still making out with her. She took your hands off of her and disconnected her lips from yours, you breathed heavily and so did she. She leaned closer to your ear and you could feel the hotness of her breath on your neck, causing your clit to throb. "You...have no idea.. how much I've been waiting to do that. Now, I have you all to myself".

and with that she turned you back around so that your back was facing her. She kneeled down so that her face was in front of your ass. She bent you down at the counter, your face came in contact with the coldness of the surface, while your ass was on full display for her, and her only.

You heard her take the gun from the counter and you felt it caress your thighs since you were wearing a skirt with no shorts underneath it.

"Hm, your wearing this short ass skirt and your not wearing any shorts underneath it?" She scoffed. She lifted up your skirt and inserted her fingers to the waistband of your laced underwear and slowly pulled it down.

You felt the gun in between your thighs as it kept caressing you up and down.

Yelena kept teasing you, making the gun barely touch your heat and then moving it down again. "Yelena, please...", "hm?" She asked, acting clueless.

"please...touch me!"...you whimpered. As her face was inches from your twitching hole. "Okay, as long as you make sure you be quiet..." she started sucking your vulva and she inserted her tongue inside you as she caressed your hips, making you a moaning mess, "yelena, more please!"  You whined.

She chuckled and said; "you need to be more specific about what you want, baby. C'mon use your words, your a good girl for me, aren't you?" She said kissing between your thighs.

"Please, please, please! I-i want your fingers deep inside me. Please!" You whined too loudly for her liking. "Didn't I tell you to be quiet?! Since you don't know how to fucking follow rules you won't get what you want" she scolded you, you looked to the side to see her face and you were shocked to see what she was doing.

She was licking her gun and smirked once she saw you, making eye contact while seductively licking her gun, then, she stopped licking it; "face forward." She said sternly, and you did as you were told.

You suddenly felt her insert the gun into your twitching hole making you squirm.

"Oo-oohhh! Yelena...ohmygod." Your eyes rolled back as she started pumping her gun in and out of you. Your tongue lolled out of the Corner of your lips, "fuck-"

"if I hear one sound come out of the pretty mouth of yours.. I will pull the trigger. Got it sweetheart?" She smirked "y-yes" you mumbled and nodded.

She smiled as she started using her thumb to circle around your clit and then replacing it with her mouth. You couldn't take it anymore, you took your free hand and covered your mouth to stiffle your moans and whimpers.

After a few minutes of her inserting her gun in and out of you while her lips were around your clit sucking it, you finally came. And she pulled it out.

"Good girl such a good fucking girl, and all mine." She said as she kissed your clit and giving it one more lick to tease you, and chuckled as she felt you squirm. "I'll give you what you want now" she sighed as she pulled you back up on your feet, your knees felt like they were gonna give up anytime. And her staring at you did not help at all. She put her hands on your waist to keep yourself from falling down.

She carried you bridal style and placed you on one of the tables, your bare ass coming in contact with the table and kept you there as she made her way to the door and locked it after that she came back with a smirk on her face.

All for her.

You bit your lip as you looked up at her, her attention was all on you.

"Let's take this off, yeah?" She whispered, referring to your white button up shirt.

"okay..." she kissed your cheek and unbuttoned your shirt until one more button was left, she took it off of you As she stared in awe.

"Can we... take your bra off?" She said, a light blush on her cheeks.

You giggled and nodded as she unhooked your bra and finally taking it off of you. You sighed, 'finally my boobs can breath now' you thought.

She stood up straight admiring the view in front of her. "So beautiful." She mumbled.

Now you were fully naked. In front of her. In the cafeteria, legs spread, your bare pussy right in front of her.

She put one of her hands on your waist as she connected both of your lips together, her other hand caressing your left breast and pinching your nipple making you arch your back making your chest push more at her fingers, desperate for more friction and moan in her mouth, you could feel her smiling through the kiss.

She removed her hand from your waist and caressing your right breast pinching your nipple as well. She placed your nipple in between Her index and middle fingers, Pulling at it and letting it go. Making you squirm and making her chuckle in the kiss seeing your reaction. She pulled you by your nape placing one hand at one of your thigh keeping them spread apart. She caressed your waist, to comfort you.

she inserted her ring and index finger in your dripping cunt pumping it in and out of you, your walls clenched around her fingers making her hum in satisfaction.

"See, look y/n. Look how your tight little cunt just swallows my long fingers, look at how inviting it is, what a fucking whore, my whore." She kissed your neck and jawline as she felt your orgasm coming. "I'm- I'm cu-cumming!" You moaned, which sounded more like a whine.

She shoved her fingers in you and you gagged. "Stick your tongue out." Your eyes widened and you did as she said.

You stuck your tongue out and she removed her fingers from your mouth and placed them around your neck.

She then spat on your tongue, smirking as she was satisfied seeing her spit sliding on your Tongue, "swallow." She demanded and again, you did as she said.

She put her middle and index finger back in your dripping cunt and started doing a scissoring motion inside, she bent down to your heat and started wrapping her lips on your clit and sucking at it, never breaking eye contact with you, loving how you looked, how sweat dripped down your forehead and baby hairs sticking on the side of your face, whenever your breast bounced when she would hit your g-spot from the stimulation.

She pulled her long fingers and rubbing them on your folds and spreading them too, she spat on your wet cunt mixing your juices along with her saliva making you grow more needy as the wet sounds echoed through the whole room, As you cried out her name.

She shoved them back in making you scream her name. "yelena..ah!",

She ignored you and continued to please you, she pumped her fingers in and out of you, "m-more. Please!" You whined. "Like this, sweetheart?" She crossed her fingers inside you. "Ah! Fuck... mhhhng right...there..ooo-ooh!" You whined and breathed heavily.

"yeah, come on my good girl, cum for me, cum on my fingers, I know you can do it, baby." She kissed you and you kissed her back. You finally came and she removed her fingers out of you as she kissed your thighs and stood up and kneeled at the chair.

Putting her forehead on yours as you tried to catch your breath, just you guys staring at each other. Admiring each other's eyes.

"Yelena, can I please touch you...please" you pleaded, eyes watery from your orgasm earlier.

"No, baby. I only want you, so this whole night is all about you, 'kay?" She kissed your forehead. And you nodded feeling your cheeks heat up.

"Get dressed. I'll take you to my room. C'mon" she handed you your clothes, she sat at the table in front of you.

Man spreading and staring at you intensely.

Jesus, now that's something I would want to have in between my legs, every.single.fucking.day.' You thought.

You started to put your skirt and top on and hopped off the table and immediately fell on your knees.

Yelena's eyes widened and quickly stood up to help you get up, "I'll carry you, I'm sorry." You kissed her cheek and smiled at her. The concerned expression on her face quickly softened as she saw you smile.

Yelena: how fucking, adorable.

"Your okay. In fact I should be thanking you," you poked her chest and she giggled and gave your lips a peck.

-

You guys arrived in her room and she let you borrow a change of clothes so you could sleep feeling clean. Now, You layed at her bed while she was taking a bath.

Then it struck you.

YOU CAME IN THE FUCKING TABLE AND YOU GUYS FORGOT TO CLEAN IT UP.

'Shit shit shit shit shit! Obviously levi is gonna blame me since I was supposed to be the one cleaning there' you thought, you waited for yelena and she finally came out after 30 minutes.

With a bra on and boxers.

Oh.

"What's my girl thinking about?" She said while leaning sideways on the bed to face you. "Yelena... we forgot to clean up my...mess, and Levi is gonna suspect me since... I was assigned to clean there" you said, and her eyes widened before she stood up from the bed and took a white shirt and put it on. "I'll be back." She kissed your cheek and went outside the room.

You waited for a good 15 minutes when you hear her door open and in came yelena.

"All good." She smiled at you and made her way to the bathroom taking her shirt off, showing off her muscular back. She went there to wash her feet, and came back and layed next to you.

"Come here," she said and you moved closer to her and snuggled to her side while her right hand was around you and her left hand was at the back of her head.

And with that you guys fell asleep in each other's arms.

© this content belongs to hornyvirgin69.

do not translate or re-post on other apps without permission.

[spaceoddball1969]

Falling for the Freak - Eddie Munson Fix-It Fic Chapter 09

I have genuinely no idea how we’re already nine chapters into this thing. This is wild. I’m so happy to see more and more of you finding this fic each day. It’s such a treat seeing people interact with it. I am coming to you today actually having had slept a little bit. I’ve got one more shift at work and then I get my day off. I’m so excited. I hope you all really enjoy this chapter and as always thank you so much for reading it.

CHAPTER SUMMARY: They’ve traded clothes by accident. Is she going to give Eddie his shirt back? I certainly wouldn’t. When I have a partner I hoard their clothes with a burning passion. Anyway...the reader continues to battle with her feelings for Eddie until they come to a head. And then just wait to see what happens next! (Can you tell I write these before I’ve written the chapter???) 

WARNINGS: Fluff. I feel like you’ve probably seen or at least are familiar with Star Wars but in case you aren’t, spoiler warning for Star Wars. And just in case you are wondering which movie they’re referring to in the fic, it’s the first movie that came out in 1977 otherwise known as Episode IV: A New Hope. When it came out it was just called Star Wars so that’s why it will only be referred to in that way in this chapter.

Chapter 9

I didn’t quite know why, but I hadn’t give Eddie his shirt back even though it had been over a week since I technically stole it from him. I also had begun to sleep in it most nights. Well, I knew why I had done those things but I didn’t like to think about that. Instead, Eddie and I just didn’t talk about the clothing we had accidentally given each other. I didn’t know where my sweater was and he didn’t really know where his shirt was. He never asked about it, so I figured he couldn’t miss it too much. 

The second half of the semester was picking up quickly. I began to spend all of my free time studying. The only way I ever saw anyone was to have study sessions. Sometimes Dustin and I would sit together at the kitchen table after dinner doing our homework together. When I told Eddie about this one evening on the phone, he asked if he could join us next time. The three of us began spending most evenings together at the table, our heads buried in books. If it wasn’t too cold or snowy, we would take breaks by going on short walks around the block.

Eddie and Dustin often would finish their homework before me and would end up in Dustin’s room planning out campaigns for Hellfire. Sometimes, if I didn’t have too much work to do, I would join them and listen to their discussions. Before Mike, Lucas, and Dustin had met Eddie, it usually was Mike who would plan their campaigns. However, now that they were in Hellfire, that task had fallen on Eddie. Dustin was curious about picking up the skill though, so Eddie let him help with writing the plot and coming up with characters.

“What if he was missing his left eye?” Dustin asked one night while we all were hanging out in his room. Dustin was sitting in his desk chair on one end of the room while Eddie leaned against the windowsill. I sat on the floor with two books on demons open in front of me and a notebook in my lap. 

“And his left arm!” Eddie said excitedly. 

“Oh that would look wicked!” Dustin laughed. “He’s going to be gnarly,”

“You don’t know the half of it,” Eddie said, a grin growing across his mouth.

“You’re really not going to tell me anymore about this campaign?” Dustin complained.

“Henderson, I’m dungeon master for a reason,” Eddie said. “You’re going to have to wait for The Cult of Vecna just like all the other peasants,”

“I’m not a peasant,” Dustin protested.

“Who’s Vecna?” I asked. “And what kind of cult are we talking about here? Are you thinking more like Charlie Manson and his Family or like Heaven’s Gate?”

“Vecna’s an evil sorcerer,” Dustin said.

“And what do you mean what kind of cult? There’s more than one kind cult?” Eddie asked coming to sit next to me on the floor.

“Of course there’s more than one kind of cult. Don’t you know anything?” I said.

“Apparently not,” Eddie shrugged. “Enlighten me,”

“What’s their ideology?” I asked. “How are they bringing in new followers? What do the followers have to do to be a member? Are they hyperfocused on an impending doomsday? Or do they believe in aliens? Or are they creating a race war?”

Eddie and Dustin both fell silent. Dustin looked mildly concerned while Eddie looked impressed. Eddie shook his head and chuckled.

“You’re a little freak aren’t you?” He laughed.

“No,” I said, “I’m just interested in cults,”

“Ha!” Eddie cackled. “I’m just interested in cults. Because that makes you normal. Anyway, I should get going. But I’m deeply interested in continuing this discussion. Maybe you can help me develop what kind of cult an evil wizard would run,”

“I’ll walk you out,” I said, standing up.

Eddie and I strolled to the front door. He slipped on his coat and stepped out onto the porch. Before Eddie left, he turned to me and leaned against the doorway. 

“Hey are you into Star Wars?” Eddie asked.

“Yeah, sure I like Star Wars,” I said.

“There’s a showing of it tomorrow night downtown. At eight. You wanna go?” he asked.

“Oh,” I said, “yeah, sure. I think I’m free,”

“Cool,” Eddie said. 

“Yeah,” I said. “I’ll check with Dustin to see if he wants to go,”

“Oh, uh,” Eddie stuttered, “I was actually kind of thinking that we could go. Just us.”

I nodded slowly. “Uh, sure, yeah that’s fine with me,”

“Ok,” Eddie said, “should I pick you up then? Or do you wanna meet me there?”

“You can pick me up,” I said.

“I’ll get here around seven?” he asked.

“Seven works.” I said. “Then we’ll have time for you to buy me popcorn”

“Then we’ll have time for you to buy yourself popcorn,” Eddie said with a laugh.

We looked at one another for a silent second. Then Eddie sighed and pulled his keys out of his pocket. “Well, I guess I’ll be going then,”

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said.

“Looking forward to it already,” Eddie said as he turned around to walk to his car.

---

“He asked you to go to the movies?” Robin asked the next afternoon as we restocked the candy shelves at Family Video. “Without Dustin?”

“Yeah, but we’ve hung out with Dustin a lot recently,” I said, trying to come up with an explanation as to why it wasn’t weird that Eddie, my just friend, and I were going to the movies alone. “I think he just doesn’t want to feel like we’re babysitting.”

“He asked you to go see Star Wars though,” Steve chimed in from the front counter. “Isn’t that like one of Henderson’s all-time favorite movies?”

“I guess,” I shrugged, feeling a bit guilty.

“So wouldn’t it make more sense for the three of you go together?” Robin asked.

“I guess,” I said again, “but come on, Dustin has seen Star Wars like a billion times, it won’t kill him if he doesn’t watch it this time,”

“But this time it’s in a theater,” Steve said. 

“Are you trying to make me feel guilty for not taking Dustin?” I asked.

“No,” Steve said, “I’m just trying to point out to you that Munson asked you on a date and you’re in denial,”

“I’m not in denial,” I said, shaking a box of Junior Mints at him. “And it’s not a date,”

“So what is it then?” Robin asked.

“Just a couple of friends going to see one of their mutual favorite movies together,”

“It’s a date,” Steve said. “He likes you, you like him. It’s a date,”

“It’s not a date!” I said. “I don’t like him!”

“He’s all you talk about!” Steve said. “It’s a date,”

I glared at him but he was unphased.

“It’s a date,” he repeated.

---

When I got off work, I sped home and tried to cram some homework in before Eddie came by to pick me up. I tried to pick out an outfit that looked nice but not so nice that it could be a date outfit. I ended up going with jeans, Converse, and an oversized red and black striped sweater. I thought it looked casual but when Eddie came to pick me up his eyes traveled up and down my body before landing on my face. 

“Hey,” he said with a smile. “You ready?”

“Yup,” I said, pulling on my coat.

It only took about fiften minutes to get to the theater, but it felt like a long fifteen minutes. I didn’t really know what to say. Steve’s insistance that this was a date had gotten to me. My brain kept flooding with the reasons why I couldn’t date Eddie. But then he’d smile or flick his hair or I’d get a whiff of his cologne and all of those reasons would go flying out of my brain and all I could think was God, he’s pretty.

“You ok?” Eddie asked as he parked his van. The lot for the theater was already full, so we had to park a block away and walk.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said. “A bit stressed. School is going to kill me,”

“I know you feel like you have to study a lot to get good grades,” Eddie said, as we walked towards the theater, “but you’re literally a genius. You could sleep through all your classes and pass with flying colors,”

“Thanks,” I said, smiling down at my feet. “But I really want to learn something this year. I’ve been waiting so long to go to college that I just really want to get everything that can out of it,”

“I wish I had your dedication to school,” Eddie said. “Maybe then I would’ve graduated when I should’ve,”

“You shouldn’t feel bad for taking longer though,” I said. “A lot of people need more time. And you are really smart,”

“If only you could convince the teachers at Hawkins High of that,” he chuckled as we got in line to buy tickets.

“You’re going to graduate,” I said. “We’re going to make sure of it,”

“Yeah?” Eddie asked.

“Yeah,” I said.

“Promise?”

“Promise,”

---

Watching the film was nerve wracking but in the best way. I had seen Star Wars countless times but I had never watched it with a cute boy in a dark movie theater. As it was almost ten years old at this point, there were not that many people out to see it that night. It was mostly parents with their kids who had been too young to see it in the theaters when it was originally released. Eddie and I sat in the back in order to avoid being too close to any potentially noisy children. He bought a large popcorn for us to share and insisted that I didn’t split the price with him despite his protests from the night before.

While I was enjoying my viewing experience, I definitely felt anxious about the whole thing. I told Eddie he could hold the popcorn but it was mostly because I was scared I would drop it by accident. I sat with my legs crossed for a while, trying to hold in any fidgeting I might mindlessly do. Eventually I got stiff and unfolded myself in the seat. I hadn’t noticed that my leg was bouncing until I felt Eddie’s large hand rest on my knee. I could feel the heat of his skin through my pants. I froze as he leaned over without taking his eyes off the screen.

“You ok?” He whispered.

I nodded and he gave my knee a little pat. I expected him to move his hand after this, but he let it stay there. I was scared to move for fear that he would interpret that as my wanting him to move his hand. After about five or six minutes he slid his hand up just above my knee, gave my leg a little squeeze and then went back to eating popcorn as if nothing had ever happened. 

After that I felt less anxious. I inhaled the popcorn with Eddie as Luke Skywalker stared out at the double sunset of Tatooine. I leaned over closer to Eddie.

“This is like my favorite film music ever,” I whispered. 

Eddie nodded vigorously as he shoveled popcorn into his mouth. 

As it was a movie that had been out for a while, the audience was made up pretty much entirely of people who had already seen it. This gave us the liberty to cheer and clap when the heroes succeeded and to boo when the villians came on screen. Though Eddie could help but clap for Darth Vader when he first entered. 

“Traitor!” Somebody yelled at him and threw a piece of popcorn at us.

“Hail Lord Vader!” Eddie shouted back at him, tossing a handful of popcorn in return.

As the Luke and Han received their medals of honor from Princess Leia we all screamed and clapped. When the credits rolled, Eddie sat back in his seat with a bright smile on his face. He sighed contentedly.

“Now that’s how I want to watch every Star Wars movie from now on,” he said. “Did you have fun?”

“Yeah it was fantastic,” I said, “this definitely beats watching it on my tiny tv at home,”

“Or at Family Video,” Eddie smirked.

“Anything beats watching a movie at Family Video,” I laughed.

We gathered our things, threw away the crumbs of popcorn we had left, and began walking back to the van. It was lightly snowing and the flakes that landed on Eddie’s hair got stuck and soon melted. By the time we got back to his car, the top of his head was speckled in white and drips of water ran down his curls. He gave his head a quick brush with his hand and then turned to me and did the same to my hair.

“You were all snowy,” he explained. I couldn’t help but smile. 

The drive back to my aunt’s house went by too quickly as we were excitedly reviewing our experience watching the movie. It felt like I had seen the film for the first time all over again. I had forgotten how much I loved Star Wars and this night had completely revitalized my adoration for it. 

“I think next Halloween you should dress up as Princess Leia,” Eddie suggested as he pulled up the driveway of my aunt’s house.

“And you could dress up as Chewie,” I teased. “You have the hair for it,”

“You injure me so carelessly.” Eddie said, “You just stab me in the heart like it’s nothing,”

“Do you have a degree in drama that I don’t know about or something? Because you’re really good at being over the top,” I laughed.

“Nope this is just pure natural talent,” Eddie laughed.

We fell silent and then our eyes met. I had one hand on the door handle, geting ready to get out. My bag was in my lap, but for some reason I wasn’t getting out of the car. 

“This was fun,” Eddie said. “We should do something like this again some time,”

“Most definitely,” I said. 

We watched each other for another minute as if we were both daring the other to make the first move. When it seemed like nobody would, I decided it was time for me to go. 

“Goodnight,” I said, opening my door finally. “Call me when you’re home,”

“Will do,” Eddie said, giving me a salute. “Goodnight,”

I climbed out of the van and walked to the side door. Eddie waited until I was in the house and then pulled out of the driveway. I checked in the living room for my aunt or Dustin, but nobody was around. I listened at Aunt Cladia’s door and could hear her snoring. When I cracked open Dustin’s door, he was sitting in bed doing homework.

“Hey,” I said.

“Hey, how was it?” he asked.

“It was good. Bunch of little kids though. Not many cool people,” I said. “How was your night?”

“It was good,” Dustin said, “Mike and Lucas came by for a bit.”

“Good,” I said. “I’m going to bed. Don’t stay up too late,”

“Sure thing,” Dustin said as I shut the door.

I crossed the hall to my bedroom and shut the door behind me. I quickly changed into my pajamas - which now consisted of a pair of black and white striped shorts and Eddie’s shirt. I pulled my hair up into a ponytail and went to brush my teeth. I decided to do just a little bit of studying before I went to bed, so I got out my textbooks and sat down at my desk. 

About a half an hour had gone by when I realized I hadn’t gotten a call from Eddie to tell me he had gotten back to his trailer. I figured he probably just forgot and tried to let it go. Around fifteen minutes passed and then I heard a light tapping at my bedroom window. I turned to look at the window and saw a face peering into my room. I jumped at first but then I recognized the outline of the fuzzy hair and the shape of the big brown eyes. I stood up and rushed to open the window. Eddie stood before me, shivering in the cold.

“I thought you were Ted Bundy coming to murder me,” I hissed at him, pulling my arms to my chest to protect myself from the cold. 

“Well, clearly I’m not,” Eddie said. “Are you going to let me in or am I going to freeze?”

I stepped away from the window to signal that he could come in. Eddie pushed himself up and through the window until he was standing next to me. I quickly shut the window, blocking off the cold. I felt bare. I felt exposed. Eddie was here and he was tall and handsome and he smelled too good for words and I was barefooted and in my pajamas.

“Nice pj’s,” Eddie smirked.

“What are you doing here?” I asked. “Why didn’t you call me?”

“Well I never went home,” he said.

“And why not?” I asked. “Where did you go?”

“Well I started to drive home,” Eddie shrugged, sitting down on the edge of my bed. I stayed standing and we were now just about eye level with each other. “But then I couldn’t shake this weird feeling, like I had forgotten to do something. So then I just started driving around and I ended up back here. I drove around the neighborhood for a little while hoping that something would jog my memory. I drove by this place and it started to feel a bit better. I went by and then turned around to come back.”

“Ok...” I said, stepping forward towards him. “But why are you here? What didn’t you forget?”

I went to sit down next to him, but Eddie reached out and grabbed my arms. I froze, my arms crossed over my chest, his hands now wrapped around my biceps. His hands slid down until they reached my waist. My heart began to race. Eddie wouldn’t look at me. 

“Eddie,” I said. It wasn’t really a question. It was more of a call back to reality. “Eddie what did you forget?”

“I forgot to kiss you goodnight,” he said and finally looked up at my face.

My mouth fell open slightly and Eddie’s eyes watched the movement closely. He pulled me nearer to him gently. I shuffled until I stood between his knees. His hands moved up and found mine. Eddie laced our fingers together and brought both of his hands up to his lips. He placed a soft kiss on each and then lifted his eyes to my own. Eddie stood up slowly. He towered over me as he dipped his head down towards me. I could feel his breath on my lips and that was when I panicked.

“Eddie-” I started and he froze like a statue. “Eddie, I-I can’t. I can’t do this,”

He remained silent. Eddie sat back down on the bed but wouldn’t look away from me. “Did I just like - did I just read the room entirely wrong or what? Have you not been flirting with me for like four months now?”

“It’s not that Eddie,” I said, feeling a horrible sicking feeling in my chest. “Eddie, it’s not that at all. I just can’t do this. Not right now. Not with you,”

“Why not with me?” Eddie asked, his eyebrows pulling together. “Is it because I’m the town freak? Are you scared of what people would think if I was your boyfriend?”

“No, no, please, don’t ever think that,” I said. “I wouldn’t be ashamed of you at all. It’s Dustin,”

“What?” he asked.

“You’re so close with him,” I said, “And he worships you. If you and I got together and for some reason it didn’t work out and he were to lose you in his life, I couldn’t bare it. I can’t do that to him. There’s more than just us to think about here,”

“You’re going to not date me because of your fourteen year old cousin?” Eddie asked, clearly upset. “Y/N that’s ridiculous. We’re adults, we can make our own choices and I’ve made my mind up with how I want this relationship to move forward,”

“Eddie,” I sighed, trying to fight the tears that were burning in the back of my eyes. “It’s not just that,”

“Ok,” Eddie said and then raised his eyebrows at me. “I’m waiting,”

“I’m not going to be here forever,” I said. “And you aren’t either. I’m not staying here any longer than I have to. I’m going to transfer to a real four year college some day. And you’ve got so many opportunities for your future, who knows where you could go after high school. We would never make it,”

“So instead of giving us a chance you’re going to write it off because you think it would be too difficult?” Eddie asked standing up.

“Don’t say it like that,” I said, stepping back as he moved towards the window.

“No, I will say it like that because that’s what you’re doing,” Eddie said, opening the window. “You’re scared you’ll get your heart broken if something bad were to happen between us. And you’re so scared of that because you know how much you care about me. You’re choosing to deny your feelings so you can avoid any chance of getting hurt,”

“Eddie-” I started.

“Goodnight, Y/N,” Eddie said, climbing out the window and storming off through the snow. 

I stood frozen at the window watching him go. When he was out of sight the tears finally released from my eyes and I let out a sob. I cupped my hand over my mouth to stifle the sound and closed my eyes so tight I saw stars. I shut the window and crawled into bed, once more losing a night’s worth of sleep because of Eddie Munson. 

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