#that is not destroying lesbian lives everywhere I promise you

[edwardallenpoe]

When telling my very non-queer tween sister, 47 y/o very non-queer father of seven, 60+ y/o non-queer grandfather, and 50 smt year old non-queer auntie that some lesbians identify that way and still are attracted to men because that's what they like and they said "okay, good for them" but an online lesbian with "enby lesbians are valid!" In their told me to kill myself when I made a post that had "mspec lesbian" in the tags and wasn't even talking about them specifically:

[gxldencity]

for the ask meme 💜 4, 9, 18, 20!

4. What sections of a bookstore do you browse?

Fantasy tbh! Sometimes romance but u can find me looking at books at the Sf/f section

9. when do you tend to read the most?

alfksfks I'd like to say at night after I've done most of my important things to do but I love LOVE reading on transit. (Best part about not having a car)

18. do you like historical books? which time period?

see this is kinda a hard question? bc I don't really like historical fiction that's just set in that time period but i love retellings (rip I know sorry lmao but I promise u there are GOOD gOOD ones that actually understand the text it's trying to retell) and I also love historical fantasy? Where it's set in a fantasy version of a historical place in our world but as fantasy

I mean one of the novels I'm toying around with is a fantasy story inspired by the philippine revolution and also....a noli me tangere retelling but that one is contemporary (starring maria clara and ibarra is a butch lesbian lmao who goes by cris)

20. what are things you look for in a book?

not YA

God it's honestly easier to answer this as like what are the ingredients that would make me love LOVE a book and that depends on the genre tbh! And also easier to answer this as like...what am I NOT looking for in a book.

So for SF/F

- I'm not the biggest fan of worldbuilding where they basically hold your hand through it. Like...im trying to live in the world, make me live in the world. I especially dislike it when one of the POV characters is clearly the vehicle for that kind of exposition.

- more and more I'm seeing sf/f authors who just........do not take any stance about the oppressive world they created. It's especially jarring when it's on the fucking cover of the book and in the author blurbs that oh this book is filled with anti capitalist critique and oh this is so so critical of the military then u read the book and it's filled so so much with "both sides have been harmed by the system so why can't we just get along 🥺" ok pussies, I get it ur a villainfucker but you can still destroy the oppressive system in ur own goddamn novel and have ur MC and ur villain turned anti hero fuck. You decided it. This is not a fanfic.

- like I just think a lot of authors don't fundamentally understand fantasy and sci fi beyond "ooohh magic" and "oooh space" and like maybe if ur writing a romance crossover maybe you could get away with having fantasy and sci-fi as mostly set dressings but when I pick up a book in the ADULT sf/f section, I'm expecting a critical lens towards things in the book ok

Romance

- I need the LI to not be an asshole, like maybe they could be an asshole but they improve but it is surprising how many LIs there are where they're just...not a good person? And people find that hot ig but I am actually...trying to ROOT for this person. You gotta make me like them.

- Third act break-ups are frankly annoying but they are everywhere to the point of being a staple. So romance books that have a third act conflict that isn't a break up are ALWAYS more interesting to me

- I also tend to prefer romance books that aren't starring cishet white people :) but I also am in a romance book club so I don't really get to decide that all the time (I mean thank god for libraries bc I prefer reading physical books :) ). The reason being is that I could literally just turn on the TV and boom bland cishet white people romance

[soyouareandrewdobson]

Dobbear! SYAC: The Master Review 6

I am so going to ruin someone’s childhood with that now, but...

guys, it had to be done!

Dashing and daring…

Courageous and caring!

Faithful and friendly…

 With stories to share!

 Doesn’t at all apply to this one artist…

Lesbian obsessed and  each nerddom’s nightmare!

Dobby BEAR!

Whinning here and there and everywhere!

Making claims that are beyond compare…

This is our Dobby-Bear!

Yeah, if you can’t guess, around now is the time I am going to put down the kids gloves and will really dig into why SYAC is garbage. And a huge factor into this, is in part Dobson’s self insert past 2012.

The existence of the blue bear as Dobson officially calls it (or Dobbear as most people call it) is in my opinion rather baffling already in terms of design choices.

I get e.g. that Dobson wanted to distance himself of his past humanoid self inserts as much as possible. But why of all things a bear?

The fact I am focused on that may sound weird, but hear me out for a bit. For starters, I know that Dobson likes western animation. And seeing how western animation has for the longest time been dominated by anthropomorphic animals, I can understand why he would redesign himself as a funny cartoon animal.

But there are at least three things that feel weird about it. First, Dobson had made it clear in the past that he hates furries. So him actually redesigning himself as an anthropomorphic animal is kinda weird

In fact, Dobson himself acknowledges that realization in one of his strips shortly after his fursona took over.

Second, of all the animals to choose from, why a bear? This question is in so far valid, as that bears are not necessarily one of the first to go animals, furries or western animators tend to go for when designing an anthro. And before any furries or anthro enthusiasts are calling me a hater, let me make one thing clear: I like anthropomorphic cartoon and comic characters too, and am okay with most furries. As long as you don’t have a diaper fetish, are a pedophile  or hurt actual animals, you can do and enjoy whatever you like.

But I am also aware enough of furry culture to know, that bear based anthros are most of the time hyper sexualized and muscular, connecting them to how the term “bear” is used in real life gay culture. Which is okay, I think it is just a funny coincidence that Dobson choose an animal, that most furries associate with a life style that Dobson is deeply afraid of, even if he claims to be an LGBT ally.

And as stated earlier, bears are not necessarily the go to animals for animators.

Don’t get me wrong, we all know some cartoon bears like Winnie the Pooh, Yogi Bear, Poh and the main cast of TaleSpin (btw, Kit Cloudkicker fan for life). But lets be honest here; ducks, mice, rabbits, canines, felines, equines and any other “easily to domesticate” animal in the real world tends to make better for easily recognizable cartoon characters than something that can reach a size of 3 meters tops and weigh over 500 pounds.

Truth be told, the pool of cartoon bears is so small, these are the first two things that came to my mind when thinking what may have inspired the Dobbear

And wouldn’t you know? According to Dobson, the Carebears were supposedly the main inspiration for his design.

 Unfortunately, this is also more or less the most I could find of Dobson addressing what went into the creation of the character.

Which kinda brings me also to the third issue as why I think the bear redesign is weird; It is too sudden.

One day Dobson draws himself as a shaved 20 something, the next day he is a fedora wearing Carebear clone, likely created and then rejected by Care Bear villain No Heart, as part of a plot to create a mole when conquering Care-A-Lot.

… and now I need to reevaluate my choices in life, that I was able to make such an elaborate Carebear joke.

It is just a change of design that in my opinion should have been addressed either outside of the comic or in context of it. Which it kinda is, but isn’t.

See, this is the first strip with the blue bear

And then only 13 strips or so later in something called “Continuity” is Dobson more or less willing to address the change…

And he does so in a passive aggressive manner, with Persistent Pam as a stand in for those asking him what is going on, while Dobson just dismissively continues working.

On one hand, you can argue that this is just the joke. The change happened, don’t bother with it, just enjoy what is still to come. And you know, I don’t want to make a rope out of everything Dobson ever posted, including that comic.

But then you have also to account for the fact, that Dobson would eventually associate himself with the blue bear so much, he made him his avatar and icon for his comics and online accounts. In fact, that one comic I posted WAY BACK in the first Master post of Dobson reminiscing how he started SYAC?

For reasons that are a bit confusing to me, he redrew himself (badly I have to add) as the blue bear in one of his earliest strips ever. The one where he belittles the manga fangirl for drawing manga. So I have to ask, what is going on here? Has Dobson increasingly decided to reset his past? Does he want to destroy any traces of his “human” self in his work to create the illusion to any new readers, that he never was as controversial of a person as he was and that there never was a need for him to reimagine and reinvent himself? Is this 1984? And how many of you realize that this paragraph is just me going conspiracy nuts for the sake of entertainment?

But still, it is kinda weird that he went to the bother of redrawing his human self in that one background sketch as a bear. Plus, I honestly think Dobson never even attempting to “explain” the change in the pages of his comics is a wasted opportunity for some decent jokes. Like every time Dobson tries to explain why he is a bear now, something interrupts him or we only get fragments of a story that if we put them together would be as ridiculous as the entirety of “Trapped in the Closet”.

I mean, the dumbest joke idea I have in mind is that Dobson went to build a bear to get a present for a family member. Instead he was build into a bear and later on successfully sued the company, which explains why he can afford to live despite not really working on comics anymore but lecture people badly about the evils of nerd culture.

So yeah, three major things about the design choice that more or less confuse me.

But here is the thing: Confusion is nothing compared to feeling genuine disdain for the design at hand. And compared to Dobson’s earlier human designs, Dobbear is just utterly unlikable.

A lot of that boils down to the following three facts:

1. From a certain point in time on (which I will cover in more detail later on) Dobson uses his bearsona primarily as a soapboxing mouth piece to talk about “politics” in nerd culture. Or at least what Dobson perceives as politics, coming off like a condescending jackass who believes among other things that white people are inherently incapable to identify with black people…

 … or that comic book shops have radicalized nerd culture, essentially calling them terror cells.

Which btw are so inherently offensive to me, I promise I will cover these two separately. One even sooner than the other.

2. If Dobbear is not talking about politics, he will tend to be a smug asshole to other people (most of the time strawmen) or their interests in one way or another. Being e.g. used by Dobson to express his disdain for criticism…

 or to mock legit criticism he had gotten by exaggerating things.

 All while also tending to make his critics look like inherent assholes.

These two facts, combined with Dobson’s average erratic behavior online on platforms such as dA, twitter and tumblr over the years, pretty much assured such a close association between the two, that a separation between artist and creation was not possible anymore, condemning them.

And for the record; Dobson was always a bit of a whinner who liked to act as if he was a better nerd than the average comic book fan. Otherwise, we would have not e.g. gotten Danny and Spot out of it.

But as the years went by in the last decade, Dobson turned from someone in his mid 20s, desperate to be seen as a “quirky” and likable internet persona (like certain internet reviewers), into a virtue signaling, lesbian obsessed asshole who likely regrets his life choices.

… Like certain internet reviewers.

But seriously, Dobson turned into someone who would flip the lid at something as ridiculous as Cheeto flavored chicken fries…

 While also being just the worst type of condescending nerd….

All while losing his mind about politics. Especially after Donald Trump became president

And just as Dobson became a radicalized left winged jackass who saw politics in everything he consumed, so did by default Dobbear, because Dobbear was not a character with his own personality, but a mouth piece.

Something I am about to get into detail in the near future. But till then, I want to cover in the next post the following third and final fact about Dobbear that really makes him unlikable to me: The fact he can’t be happy.

[theleagueof13]

I Don’t Really... Like Agatha? Sorry. This will be explained, I promise. I do like her, just in a different way.

This is going to be super controversial, I know it. 

Surprisingly, this started in Book 1. 

My first thought when I was introduced to Agatha was: I would not be friends with her. 

Like, okay, you’re goth and edgy and ugly and different. That’s cool. But, 

Let Sophie Go. 

Clearly, Sophie wants to become a princess and have a fairytale. That’s all she’s ever dreamed of, it’s in the first chapter. And Agatha wants a normal life in Gavaldon, which is understandable. 

So, she tries to “save” Sophie from being taken by the School Master. But the way I see it, Agatha is clinging on to Sophie because she’s the only friend that she’ll ever have, and if she leaves, Agatha will have nothing. Agatha even SAYS that Sophie is the only one who makes her feel accepted. 

This turns out to be a theme for the rest of the plot: Agatha wants her old life back with her friend. She even achieves that at the end, kind of. I don’t have a problem with that, you know? However, it’s not like Sophie was the darling of Gavaldon and her popularity transfers to Agatha in their friendship. Radley points out that Sophie is hanging out with a witch, so Agatha still has the same reputation. 

So, Agatha just plans on living the rest of her life as an outcast? Sophie makes her FEEL normal. She’s not actually normal in Gavaldon terms. In fact, she’d probably be scapegoated for a famine or wildfire or kidnapping the children, and then sentenced to death by The Elders. 

When she gets to SGE, she wants to return home... for WHAT? Sure, the students at School for Good tease you (and this time, you don’t have Sophie to back you up), and the teachers don’t have much faith in you.  I know what it feels like to be alone and doubted by everyone. Still though, this is a magical school, and Agatha can learn magic. Literally who would turn that down? Granted, Ever Girl classes are about beauty and grace, two things Agatha would fail in, but she is so smart.  If she focused on magic and spells and put her mind to it, she could easily become powerful. Just talk to Dovey, talk to August Sader, ask them about improving your skills beyond posture or smiling (also this could’ve been an amazing opportunity for Agatha to have scenes with her so-called mentors, but no, she speaks two words to them, they wink at her knowingly and when they die, we’re supposed to cry? Bullshit.) 

 Agatha has shown that she’s badass already. Why not become more powerful and prove the Ever Girls wrong? Instead, she wants Sophie to kiss Tedros so they can resume their friendship in Gavaldon. 

By the way, neither girl LIKES their school. That’s why Sophie was convinced to go to the School Master. She was like, damn, if we can’t switch schools and I can’t go to the Snow Ball, what’s the point? Fine, I’ll settle for Agatha. 

I don’t know, I think Agatha was selfish in holding back Sophie. Just let her flirt with Tedros, what’s so hard about that? Oh, you feel inadequate because you’ve lost Sophie’s attention? Grow a backbone (yes, I know that’s the point of the book). 

 Anyways, if you only saw through Sophie in the beginning, you would have known that the faster Sophie chases after her fairytale, the faster she’ll fail and put it to rest (after a world-ending tantrum, but it would’ve cut the page count in half. So I don’t need to read this much boy drama). 

The Glow Up

Everyone raves about this damn scene. Agatha becomes confident, yay! Inspiring to young girls everywhere. That’s established. Let’s move on. 

SGE is about subverting expectations, appearances vs reality, friends vs love. We know that. Except Agatha is just... 

When Agatha became “pretty”, and then realized her inner beauty shines past her looks, I thought she would KNOCK BITCHES DOWN. I was rooting for her. I thought she’d finally put Sophie in her place. 

This was destroyed when Agatha became like the Ever Girls she hated for the first part of the book. She develops a crush on Tedros, which was the defining feature of the Ever Girls: liking boys. Nothing wrong with that, it was just out of place. I understand that Tedros might have caught feelings after Agatha saves his life, that’s a trope we’re familiar with and it makes sense. 

What doesn't, is that Agatha reciprocates? She’s been grossed out by boys the whole book, what makes Tedros different? Literally what switch flipped in her brain. That she’s worthy of love? Girl, if you're “confident” now and suddenly dating a boy that you never genuinely got to know... Also, was Tagatha even considered a relationship? They don’t hang out until TLEA. I feel like Agatha was just excited to have a guy like her for once. They call each other “true love” based on what? We BEEN KNEW Tedros is dumb (okay, you picked her in all the challenges, that’s not real proof), and Agatha, do you even know his last name? 

^ if anyone’s watched the Witcher, Yennefer is very similar to Agatha and she gains her physical beauty after she’s finished with her training as a mage. Also, Yennefer is dating a hot guy with authority WHILE she’s still ugly. Love that for her. (This situation is different because Yennefer is morally grey, maybe evil, but I like this arc better than Agatha’s).

Lesbian Agatha? Simp Agatha?  What’s going on??

This started when I noticed on Goodreads that some people genuinely thought Agatha was lesbian. (Me being me, this went over my head).  

Like, okay I get it, Agatha MIGHT be a simp for Sophie. I do kinda get it. 

Throughout the book, Agatha repeatedly is there for Sophie even when Sophie treats her like shit (I don’t have to explain each example, right? We been knew.)

What stands out to me most was when 1. she literally turned into a cockroach and stayed up all night for weeks to help Sophie study 2. cheated and guided her in the Trial By Tale  (risking her life several times in the process). 

That wasn’t because she had a Good heart (though it contributed). It was because Agatha wanted to protect Sophie. 

The only reason I didn’t include all the times Agatha helped Sophie make Tedros fall in love with her was because she thought that Sophie’s kiss would send them back home, so that was theoretically for her own benefit (although we know that Sophie was just using Agatha). 

Also, I distinctly remember Sophie having a Regina George moment with Agatha where she was like “why are you so obsessed with me?!”. Because Agatha was being all “😔👉🏻👈🏻 we’re friends” and Sophie was like GET YOUR OWN LIFE YOU’RE RUINING MINE!!! 

Nitpicky Shit

This is irrelevant, when you come for me don’t mention this part because I’m not all that pressed. 

Agatha comes off as Not Like Other Girls. She says that everyone at School for Good are stupid/shallow RIGHT OFF THE BAT. Obviously Beatrix didn’t make a good impression, but come on. 

She hates that all the girls are obsessed with boys and looks. Just because you’re not interested doesn’t mean others can’t be. It came up several times and I was so irritated. Not to mention that Sophie was basically a carbon copy of Beatrix except that she’s nice to her. 

This is extremely SJW of me but I had to say it. Sophie is a typical bratty blonde. Agatha is said to be hideous, then finds out she was beautiful all along. I felt like this would’ve been better if Agatha had Real unconventional features. 

She’s tall, skinny and pale with big eyes. That is a textbook runway model and fits Eurocentric beauty standards. It’s not like making Agatha fat, short, and dark-skinned with acne is going to enhance the book, although it would be so, so nice.  

Might be editing this later on! I don’t know!

Disclaimer: Agatha’s still a good character, I still like reading about her. 

[unfortunate-stranger-losers]

What are your headcannons for the kids from the four main All the Wrong Questions series?

oh geez there are so many 

Lemony Snicket

Listen every character in the Snicketverse is autistic but Lemony? HIGH.KEY. This boy cannot stand sensory overload and also stims with verbal recitation. 

After several months in Stain’d-by-the-Sea, the Associates got used to him just showing up and taking food. He eventually stopped asking, and then eventually stopped using the door. Moxie has, more than once, come downstairs to find him sitting on her counter eating cereal. 

Beatrice snuck into town once to see how he was doing, saw him and Moxie trying to jump off the roof of the diner with a tablecloth parachute and Jake dragging them back and screaming, and she just turned right the fuck around and reported to their friends, “yeah he’s fine.” 

Kit made him promise not to tell Jacques that she was almost in jail. 

MODERN AU: Gets into twitter and tumblr fights with obvious trolls. Tried to call CPS on Theodora just to see what would happen. Can recite any “Unraveled” YouTube video on command. Has an extensive knowledge of Pokemon. 

Moxie Mallahan

listen this girl is a lesbian in denial and she wrote Ellington Feint a note that said “get out of my town” because she didn’t know what else to do

She always kinda knew that her Mother was never coming back for her, but she didn’t admit it aloud until after Lemony left. 

Moxie: I can eat ten marshmallows at once. Kellar: You are a hazard to yourself. Lemony: And a coward. Do twenty 

Moxie knows how to pick every kind of lock, and how to break into every window. She takes her journalism very seriously and will get the truth even if she has to flip the world off as she does it. 

MODERN AU: Blogger. Once spent a week straight putting together a project and then passed out for forty-eight hours. Still carries a typewriter with her everywhere. Had to physically stop Lemony from eating a tide pod. 

Ellington Feint 

Had literally no idea Lemony had a crush on her because she’s just that gay. 

Actually popped up around town inbetween books constantly, mainly to chill with Cleo, Jake, the Bellerophons, and even Ornette. They just all neglected to mention this to Lemony. 

She doesn’t remember anything about her mother. All she knows is what her father told her; that her mother used to make music boxes, loved coffee, and died in a fire. 

Goes through a huge rebel/outlaw phase after escaping with Kit, because she’s completely lost and has no idea what to do or who to trust; her own father never gave a shit about her, as she now knows, so how could anyone care? Eventually she made her way back to Stain’d-by-the-Sea, where Moxie found her crying in the attic of Black Cat Coffee and awkwardly invited her to live in the lighthouse. 

MODERN AU: Has been on the run from CPS for so fucking long. Quotes Gilmore Girls almost daily and will argue your ear off about why Rory/Paris should’ve been endgame. Once ate a tide pod. Cries while watching the Addams Family. 

Kellar Haines 

Even after the Train Incident, he basically lives with Moxie. He just can’t trust his Mom anymore, and while he claims otherwise, they didn’t really have a good relationship before then, either. Lizzie stays with him. 

His special interest is in codemaking. He would’ve been really valuable to VFD if he’d gotten recruited. As is, Moxie kicks the ass of anyone who tries to kidnap him, so he’s fine. 

He’s also super good at crafting, and can make really cool art projects whenever he has the time. Lizzie used to give him art supplies whenever she could, and still hangs his drawings on the lighthouse fridge. 

He just gets so tired of his friends’ shit. He’d be a Mom Friend if he made any effort to stop them but as is he just kinda watches crap go down. 

MODERN AU: Constantly goes to the movie theater just to chill. Addicted to YouTube. Is the only one of the squad not freaked out by the Watership Down movie. Asks existential questions at random to scare the squad and then immediately says “yeet” in a deadpan voice and throws Squeak across the room. 

Pip and Squeak Bellerophon 

They took over the taxi for their Dad when he fell ill. He died a few months later, and they kept claiming he was alive, in fear that they would get separated by whoever was in charge of their case. The only person they told is Jake, because he eventually followed them home to ask their Dad why the fuck he didn’t feed them and found that they were living alone, and Cleo, because Jake can’t keep secrets from her. 

Pip and Squeak used to fight a lot, though they never intended any real harm. They slowly stopped after they started living alone, and Pip started kinda taking charge of keeping him and Squeak safe. 

They used to be very tight with Qwerty, because they were constantly at the library. He suspected their situation, but never confirmed it and was alright just making sure the kids were okay. Squeak would sometimes climb on the bookshelves and knock them over, but thankfully Qwerty thought this was funny. 

Squeak likes to “adopt” stray animals he finds in the backyard. Whenever he walks in going “gUESS WHO OUR NEW SIBLING IS,” Pip has to guess whether he’s going to bring in an injured baby bunny he can nurse back to health, or a squirrrel he just caught who is still struggling and about to destroy half the house. 

MODERN AU: Pip has a Nintendo Switch that Squeak can only play Animal Crossing on. Squeak keeps posting photos on Instagram of him and Pip driving illegally but everyone thinks they’re edits. Squeak once very seriously told Pip that he would have to marry Jake so they could keep getting free food from him (before they found out he was dating Cleo). Have slept in library closets before and will again. 

Cleo Knight 

Identifies as Demi-bi. She and Jake met as preteens, when she wandered off and got lost, and went into the diner to use the phone and call Zada and Zora. Afterwards, she kept sneaking out to visit him. 

Was much closer to Zada and Zora than her parents. She used to hang out in the kitchen with them, laying on the counter and practicing calculations or studying advanced chemistry while they cooked. 

Also very very autistic. Can only eat certain things, because she has huge texture problems. Only Zada, Zora and Jake have ever gone out of their way to accommodate her without complaint. 

Is incredibly reckless and never thinks anything through. While everyone knows she can take care of herself, it’s still nerve-wracking to see her run out the window, leaving only a note saying she’ll be back in three hours after trying to find a chemical, and coming back covered in blood that’s not her own. 

MODERN AU: Was a Guardians of Ga’Hoole kid. Would exist on a diet of cheetos, cereal and sprite if not for her boyfriend. Once, Ornette helped her break out of the house to go to the movie theater to watch Lego Batman. Super into Stranger Things. 

Jake Hix 

Literally is the only reason the Associates are still alive. He gives them food and makes sure they don’t kill themselves doing some stupid reckless stuff. 

Surprisingly, though, Cleo has had to physically stop him from fistfighting S Theodora Markson, who keeps forgetting to feed her fucking apprentice

Jake: As soon as I hit 18 I’m adopting you. Pip and Squeak, not even glancing over: Lit. 

Has been in love with Cleo since they met. Since their relationship is technically “secret”, Hungry pretends not to notice, despite how increasingly obvious it gets. She knows she should technically discourage this, but he’s just. so in love. When he’s not working, he spends his time in him and Cleo’s garden. 

MODERN AU: Has threatened to put parental locks on Lemony and Moxie’s phones multiple times. Keeps quoting The Princess Bride at Cleo, to the annoyance of the other Associates around them. Actually super into Doctor Who. Also keeps beating everyone’s ass in Mario Kart. 

Ornette Lost 

Has never once understood what was going on, but honestly she just rolls with it. “Guess we’re doing this now? Okay.” 

Keeps bringing stray cats into her Uncles’ house and adopting them. She has twelve now. There is no stopping her. 

Super close with Cleo and Jake. Mainly because she doesn’t mind third-wheeling, and will just fold origami when she gets bored, but also because she’s pretty good at dropping life advice and also is shockingly hilarious. 

Lemony: Ornette. Why did the toaster blow up. Ornette: Hm?Lemony: Toaster. Blew up. Ornette: Oh. Yeah I blew it up Lemony: why Ornette:  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

MODERN AU: Very into anime, especially Fullmetal Alchemist. Lives on ice cream. Has OPINIONS on the Disney Reboots. She got expelled from school because she graffitied GAY RIGHTS on the side of the building, and then a couple of middle fingers. 

Lizzie Haines 

INCREDIBLY protective of Kellar. She had more part in raising him than their mother; she was reluctant to leave him for her apprenticeship, but he convinced her he’d be fine. 

Sharon was a huge perfectionist in regards to Lizzie’s talents and studies, so Lizzie always felt very distant from her. When she left for her apprenticeship, she ended up bonding with Sally Murphy, to the point where Lizzie saw her as more of a parent figure. 

Lizzie noticed suspicious activity going on around town, and started investigating, even though Sally didn’t think anything was wrong. Lizzie had a conspiracy board and everything. She was kidnapped just as she was piecing everything together. 

It took her quite a few months to break out, but once she did, she immediately went hardcore and figured out how best to knock people out and keep them away from her. She had a lot of trauma that emerged after the Train Incident, but Kellar got very good at figuring out how to calm her down. 

MODERN AU: Hangs Christmas lights around her room and glowing stars on her ceiling. Knows more about Sonic the Hedgehog lore than the other Associates could ever understand. Huge Marvel/Star Wars fan. She has memorized all of Chicago, Hairspray, Black Panther, The Empire Strikes Back and Mamma Mia. 

[professorsparklepants]

A incomplete list of my top whatever favorite fanfic lines in no particular order.

I WAS BORN ON THE GODDAMN SHUTTLE YOU SON OF A BITCH (Graduate Vulcan For Fun and Profit by @lazulisong)

"And isn't your father scared?" (Governing Intelligence by @lambergeier)

"I'm not asking you to mess with them," JJ flat out lies. (hood & glove by Fahye on ao3)

"BEFORE I SEND YOU TO WHATEVER HELL MY ANCESTORS RULE FOR TOUCHING MY NIECE." (Well Met At Mechanicsburg by @iztarshi and @readalong)

"I'm still getting used to the fact that there's a demon that lives in your stomach and sasses you regularly." (Of Harrowed Hearts by Sable_Scribe on ao3) (this is also my bookmark note for this fic bc it encapsulates it perfectly)

"Time isn't real!" (Love Is All You Need to Destroy Your Enemies by shadydave on ao3)

They had named him from this book. It wasn’t from the Sandaime or the orphanage, but from them. (don't hold this war inside by lunarctus on ao3)

“Rasa and me are bros now. We have a secret friend code and everything, and the code is ‘gee I sure wish our Daimyo was suddenly less alive’.” (A How To Guide For Shinobi Life by Incompletesentenc on ao3)

"The calamity started with us." (Interim by @punishandenslavesuckers)

“I lived in a land where no rivers reach and even I know Princess Mipha was a wonder.” (also interim)

"He traded us for the Tri-Force. Every generation down the line.” (still interim)

“Don’t mind me, little sister. All of my gods are gods of war. None of my prayers are kind.” (interim yet again)

They both had metal feet. (Afterdrop by ClaroQueQuiza on ao3)

“No way a six year old even has the coordination to grip a kunai." (Dinner with the Special Assassination and Tactical Squad by pentapus on ao3)

I FORGOT Viktor's an honorary lesbian, Phichit says. [...] This is true: according to Mila, Viktor’s “unexpectedly earnest, U-hauling approach to love post-getting-humped-by-Katsuki-at-an-official-function,” wow, “resonates with gay and bi women everywhere,” which is amazing. Mila always promises to make him a badge or a patch or a pin of some sort. She hasn’t yet but Viktor lives in hope. (watched it for a little while (i like to watch things on TV) by infiniteandsmall on ao3)

[kagetsukai]

Princess Wyvern [Dragon Age Fairy Tale AU]

Some time ago I came across this wonderful retelling of a Prince Lindworm but in a comic version with cute lesbian happy ending. One of the girls looked remarkably like @star--nymph‘s Eurydice, which made my brain have a lightbulb moment. Cue several days of desperately trying to get my muses to cooperate and here we are, a story that is a mish-mash between her Cullavellan and the fairy tale. Also, I am sorry this is a day late!!! Happy birthday, sweetness!!

Pairing: Cullen Rutherford x Eurydice Lavellan (not my OC, please check out @star--nymph‘s blog for more of her stories!!!)

Fairy Tale AU || 2510 words || Read on AO3

Once upon a time, in a land beyond the Waking Sea, there lived an elven king and queen named Lycus and Isen. They were a beautiful pair, blessed with good looks, good fortune, and respect of their people. And while their lives may have seemed perfect, they did lack one thing: a child. For countless years they tried and tried to conceive, but to no avail, and as the years passed, their despair only grew.

One day Queen Isen decided to take a long walk in the nearby woods, wishing to spend some time alone to ponder her childless existence. Lost in thought, she happened upon an old woman she did not recognize, all dressed in dark red cloth with hair white as snow.

“You look sad, my child,” said the woman. “What’s wrong?”

“There is no use telling you,” Isen replied. “There is nothing you can do to help me.”

“Try me,” the woman drawled.

The Queen understood in that moment that she was speaking with a witch, so she sagged against a tree and sighed in sadness.

“The short of it is, the King and I are childless. We have no heir to succeed us nor a child to warm our aging hearts. It’s hopeless.”

The old woman crossed her hands across her chest and smirked.

“No such thing, my child, if you do as follows” she said casually. “Return home and at sunset, take a chalice with two handles and place it in the northwest side of the garden, upside down. Then at dawn, lift the cup; you will find two roses there: a red one and a white one. If you wish to have a girl, eat the white rose, but if it’s a boy you desire, eat the red rose.”

And before Isen could thank the witch for the good news, the old woman lifted a finger to stop her.

“Beware of greed!” she announced in a booming voice. “For if you consume both roses, most horrendous thing will happen and you will forever be sorry.”

The Queen, ripe with joy and hope, thanked the witch for her blessing and rushed home to do as prescribed. She found a glorious silver chalice, placed it in the corner of the garden at sunset, and waited sleeplessly until sunrise. Once the first rays of light tickled the horizon, she ran outside and lifted the cup to find two beautiful roses underneath.

She thought long and hard on which of the roses she wanted to eat. If she had a boy, he would leave her sooner or later to become a hunter, a warrior, a man who would be strong but not there at all. Yet if she had a girl, she would grow into a princess that would want to get married and leave her as well. The choice was difficult, but Isen finally reached for the white rose and ate it. The petals were so silky and smooth, the flavor so divine, that the Queen momentarily forgot about the witch’s warning and ate the red rose as well.

And so came to pass that Queen Isen became pregnant and the kingdom was overjoyed. The royal pair looked forward to the birth of their child, but when the time came, the King got called away on an urgent matter of the state. The Queen gave birth not to one child, but two, and she cried out in horror when she saw an unnaturally pale skin of a wyvern come out first. When the second child came though, she breathed a sigh of relief, because it was a normal, beautiful baby girl.

“The King must never know!” she decreed and she ordered the wyvern child be tossed out the window.

Many years passed and the horror of that night faded from Isen’s memory. Her daughter Melia grew into a beautiful young woman who was the joy and pride of her parents. She was perfection in every way! And once the girl reached adulthood, the King and Queen decided it was time to start a search for a husband, to marry their precious daughter and help them rule their domain.

So the word was sent out and many princes from neighboring kingdoms came to look at the princess and vie for her hand. None of them ever got to the castle, because a great pale wyvern would stop any caravan and destroy it to pieces. As everybody ran for their lives, they could hear a rasping voice, calling out “A groom for me before a groom for her!”

Thus the greatest nightmare came to pass and the Queen tearfully admitted to the King what she had done. Appalled at first, he then tried sending multiple hunters to kill the wyvern; alas. it always came out victorious. Not willing to lose any more people to this monster, he finally agreed to find a husband for the wyvern.

A missive was sent out again, cleverly omitting which princess was to be married, and once more a multitude of replies came, offering their princes as grooms. When the first man arrived at the castle, he was not allowed to see his bride until the wedding, and the lo and behold, it was the wyvern. He tried to back out, but the King and Queen didn’t let him; they promised that if he managed to spend the night with the wyvern, he would be rewarded beyond compare. He agreed and married the wyvern.

In the morning, the King and Queen entered the chambers, only to see the wyvern alone, traces of blood everywhere that clearly indicated the prince had been eaten. Big purple eyes opened, gazed deeply into Lycus’ eyes, and a rasping voice announced “A groom for me before a groom for her.”

Two more times they sent for a prince and two more times the same thing happened: the wyvern would marry and eat the man, and in the morning demand that it be given another groom. The news of the monster finally got out of the castle and no more kingdoms were willing to send a prince to marry a wyvern. King Lycus used all of his influence and all of his carefully crafted diplomatic agreements, but nobody wanted to send their child to a certain doom. Soon all of their allies retreated and the kingdom fell on hard times. And still, the wyvern would not be appeased, demanding a groom before Princess Melia could marry.

The tales of their misfortune traveled far and wide, so it did not surprise them that one day a man, a human, showed up on their doorstep, demanding an audience with the King. Resigned to their fate, they granted his request and let him inside. Their guest was different from what they were used to, tall and broad and golden everywhere. His armor was gilded with symbols unknown in their culture and shone in sunlight like a beacon.

“I will marry your wyvern princess,” he announced in his deeply Fereldan accent.

Even at the edge of despair, King Lycus cared greatly for the reputation of his family.

“You are a human,” he stated. “Why should I let you marry someone of noble Dalish blood?”

Amber eyes sharpened into a steely glint and the warrior narrowed his eyes.

“I am not unknown in my lands, King Lycus, for I am General Cullen Rutherford” he announced. “And I know for a fact that you will let me marry your wyvern daughter, because no other man has been willing thus far.”

Faced so rudely with cold, hard facts, the King and the Queen had no other choice but to allow this human to marry the wyvern princess. The ceremony was small, barely anybody showed up to witness it, and many lamented the imminent loss of such a handsome man. For his part, Cullen didn’t flinch when the wyvern came to stand beside him and he didn’t shy away when his newlywed chambers where shown to him.

For he had a plan for how he would deal with the wyvern. Back home, he had come across a witch named Morrigan, who explained to him how to tame the wyvern and defeat the curse on the elven kingdom. As per her advice, he had requested a barrel of lye, a tub of milk, and a variety of whips be put in the bedroom, then he dressed in ten white shirts before putting on his groom garb.

Once alone with the wyvern, it raised onto its dreadful claws and spoke in a terrible hiss.

“Handsome lad, shed your shirt.”

Cullen was terrified down to his bones, but did not let fear show on his face. He stared the wyvern in its purple eyes and demanded, “Princess Wyvern, slough a skin!”

Whatever the monster had expected, it clearly wasn’t that. It paused in its idle movement, weighing his words.

“No one has ever dared to demand that before.”

“But I demand it now,” replied Cullen.

After a brief pause, he watched as the wyvern twisted and coiled and shifted, and the skin came off in a ghastly display that made his stomach churn. In turn, while the wyvern stared at him with inscrutable eyes, he took off one of his shirts and tossed it on top of the discarded pale scales.

“Handsome lad, shed your shirt!” it demanded again, clearly impatient.

“Princess Wyvern, slough your skin!” he replied with equal force.

And the process repeated over and over again, until Cullen was down to his last shirt. At this point, the wyvern no longer looked like a wyvern; instead, it was a mass of muscles and veins and blood, and it breathed heavily in deep, rattling huffs. Satisfied that he’d done the first part right, Cullen grabbed the various whips, dipped them in lye, and proceeded to whip the wyvern as hard as he could. The sounds of pain and agony that came from its mouth tore at his heart and made him want to stop, but he didn’t. He continued until there was nothing more than a bloody mess on the stony floor.

Carefully, and with great gentleness, he heaved the creature into his arms and brought it over to the tub of milk. He bathed it then, making sure that every bit of blood and grime washed off completely. Done with the chore, he lifted the battered wyvern out of the tub and placed it in the big, feathery bed. And just like the witch had told him, Cullen climbed in as well, placed his arms around the bruised flesh and started singing.

Now, he didn’t really prepare just what he was going to sing - he could barely believe that he had survived this long - so he started at the beginning of the Chant of Light and carried on until his voice went hoarse and quiet, and he couldn’t anymore. Thankfully, the wyvern had fallen asleep and while it scared him to do so, Cullen settled himself more comfortably and followed suit.

The morning came quietly. The King and the Queen opened the door to the bedchambers, fully expecting the man to had died, and gasped at what they saw: a room full of discarded scales mingled with white shirts, generous smears of blood ran everywhere, whips still dripped with lye, and a tub of milk stood in the corner, the liquid murky and vaguely pink. At the center of it all sat the grand bed and in it lay the golden man with a beautiful, frail-looking woman in his arms.

Shocked gasps and shouts of alarms woke up Cullen to the fact that he no longer held a wyvern, but a woman of considerable beauty. She was small and fragile, much more than other elven women he’d known, but it did not bother him. As she stirred to wakefulness, he watched as pale eyelids cracked open and the most beautiful amethyst eyes stared back at him, inquisitive and measuring.

“You’ve lifted my curse,” she said and slid her gaze away.

“Yes, I have,” he replied, his voice still gruff from the night before.

She tried to shift away from him. “You are now stuck with me.”

“Not the worst fate I could think of,” he pointed out. He pulled her closer into his arms and she let him. “After all, I married a princess who turned out to be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

A small smile bloomed on her face, even while she still wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“You haven’t seen many women, then.”

His eyes softened as he gazed at her pale face, taking it all in. He gently cupped her face and lifted it up, to meet his eyes.

“I have seen enough and I have no need for more.”

They kissed then, sweet and tender and fond, and while they didn’t love each other yet, they knew they would grow into it.

This is the point where a fairy tale would end with ‘and they lived happily ever after’, but this is not such a story.

While the King and the Queen were grateful to Cullen for lifting the curse on their older daughter, they did not grow fonder of him. They kept trying to get him to leave, return to his own lands, while they locked away their not-wyvern daughter. For she was not what they had expected, having spent all of her life locked in a body of a vicious monster. She hated being touched by random strangers, she wouldn’t look people in the eye, and she would bluntly tell others what was on her mind. And while she was still beautiful, King Lycus preferred to keep her away from the public eyes.

In the end, it was the brave general who once more came to her rescue and helped her run away from her cruel father. They traveled far, far away, until they were certain nobody could find them, and settled in a small hut by the forest, cultivating plants and raising stock until a very old age.

The End

===========================

Cullen closed the book and looked up at the faces of his enraptured children.

“Alright rugrats, sleep time,” he announced and moved to get up from his chair.

“Daddy, daddy! Was that story true? Was mamae really a wyvern?” asked one of them.

Cullen paused. The fairy tale was a gift from Varric one of the previous years, a silly collection of stories that featured Cullen and Eurydice in a variety of fairy tales that their children loved listening to at bedtime. While most of it was pure fiction, elements of them still rang true and hurt to think about.

Like Lycus’ treatment of Eurydice, to begin with.

“Of course not,” he said quietly. “This is just a story written by Uncle Varric, you know this, Psyche.”

The girl looked disappointed, but no less thrilled to fantasize about it further once he had gone. As Cullen got up and turned to leave, he once again vowed to love all of his children to the fullest capacity of his heart.

[moving-blogs-dm-for-new-one]

My iPad camera fucked up the pics but whatever These are the main characters for a story I'm now writing that I thought of last night/this morning! ~~~ Ghost girl: Alexandria Limone Died at age 17 in 2016. Born April 24th, 1999. Very confused. Bi-Curious. Creative and strategic. Quick thinker and problem solver. Loves music and Pepsi. Future girl: Dez Smith Is currently 17. Born August 2nd, 3012. Usually angry. Lesbian. Yells a lot. Slow thinker, yet good with puzzles and such. Loves music and tea. Current year: 3029 Scientists discovered ghosts and spirits exist. Mass panic fell over the world. A small company(owned by Mr. Smith, Dez's father) found a way to capture them-became huge and rich. Worked with scientists to come up with a way to use spirits as an indefinite energy and power source. They are bound to devices and other things and harnessed for their energy, which usually makes them too weak to fight back. Essentially ghost slavery. Ghost are considered extremely dangerous, yet valuable, and anyone caught hiding one is heavily breaking the law. This new energy source it a lot cleaner than other things-at least, that's what they think. It is releasing thousands upon thousands of dangerous and poisonous chemicals into the atmosphere. Combine that with the already polluted planet and far less plants and greenery, and the air often is very hard to breath. Some places, towns, cities and even countries, gas masks must be worn constantly so that people can breath. One day, a particularly powerful ghost named Alex who was recently bounded to Dez's new phone manages to break most of the bonds. Neither knows how to react to the situation, but after awhile, Alex manages to talk Dez into promising she won't tell. Alex is still somewhat bound to Dez's phone, so she has to go everywhere with her, and loves messing with the broody girl. For awhile, Alex tries to live thought Dez's day to day life with her, having to constantly hide from everyone, especially Dez's family. After while, Dez is found out by a friend. Said friend was scared and worried, so, going against Dez's wishes, ratted her out. Adventure ensues, and the two girls are now running from the law, getting into constant troubles and shenanigans. The two become good friends along the way, and eventually, romance begins to bloom~. They make friends along the way, and pick up two or three companions: a large, buff, 22 year old man named Lucas Romone, a string bean tech nerd 18 year old named James Ramon, and a young, sassy, 16 year old gamer named Cindy Reeves. Blah blah, stuff, blah blah, dramatic stuff and feels, blah blah, adventure, and Dez, Alexandria and co. find out about a gigantic machine in central Canada that controls the links, bonds and waves to each and every ghost operated electronic. Together, the group somehow manages to get in and shut down/destroy the whole system, managing to free all the spirits, including Alexandria, once and for all. Blah blah, more intense feels, blah blah, friendship, family and finding yourself, blah blah, amusing attempted shift back into a normal life in a dystopian world. ~~~ And there you go, that's the basic outline!! I hope you guys like it!!! Feel free to draw/write about them!! Just please, make sure to properly credit me and tag me so I can see!! 💕 ~ Sky