#that is a pun I fully approve of btw

[mycological-mariner]

The terrible thing about being into Cornish history is that your historical blorbos don’t even have so much as an etching of what they looked like and also just are not well known At All. I’m just here with Cpt. James Quick’s letters like I’m gonna get emotional reading these again HUH

But also it sucks because his wife’s maiden name is an excellent pun and their first child was born prematurely (side note: while it’s very possible the kid was conceived out of wedlock because the dates are INSANE it doesn’t really matter in any event since they appear to have lived pretty happy lives after the fact), James himself joked about their combined names and the premature baby. Harriet Quick’s maiden name was Dunn. They’re son was Dunn-Quick.

[princess-of-inarizaki]

Hi love, pretty sure you're requests are open (if not just ignore this) n e ways what about Inarizaki with manager who's like intimidating (i've been told i am intimidating lol) and very sarcastic, much Tsukishima Kei vibez cuz that's basically me😃

Just like how would our boys react, very curious and take your time btw don't have to rush it, do it whenever you feel like :D

Oh my gosh Nat, it's literally my honour to write this for you. You can request anything, anytime, and you'll be a top priority (ily<3)

Inarizaki with a tsukkishima-ish manager.

Specially dedicated to @sunasthing <3

So first of all, if you think that's gonna stop the boys from simping over you, you've got it wrong 😖🖐️

The boys would literally take it as a challenge to get your softer nature out, especially Atsumu.

I GENUINELY think he'd find it really hot whenever you snap back at him, or tell him off. (maybe he's like Nishinoya and Tanaka in that sense 🙄)

Constantly pesters you, and although you don't give him a reply often (because he's annoying as fuck), if you ever acknowledge him slightly, he WILL flirt with you.

Beware tho, even if he comes off as flirty and charismatic, he's literally just a dorky small baby and genuinely wants your attention because he thinks you're the coolest person ever.

And if you're ever nice to him, you can best bet he'll replay that moment in his mind before sleeping EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.

Y/n, earlier that day: don't get hurt. I don't want to have to deal with anyone on this team being injured

Atsumu at 3 a.m: s-she cares about me 🥺🥺

I think Osamu would vibe really well with you. He's not annoying, he's really really chill, and he has a pretty sharp tongue himself.

Judges people as an attempt to make you laugh, and he sees it as a personal victory if he can get you to crack a smile or smirk. He just doesn't make a big deal about it, unlike his twin xD

Osamu: y/n look at that guy. he's totally crushing on his brother's best friend, could he not be more obvious about it??

Y/n: *cracks a smirk* yeah, it does seem so.

Osamu, internally: ✨v i c t o r y i s s w e e t✨

He also cooks for you pretty often, and even if you protest against accepting it, you'll usually find a bento hidden in your locker or bag.

He knows you might not accept it straight, so he finds other ways to get it to you. Osamu actually thinks of you as a cooler sister that he says "he'd trade Atsumu for"

In general, the twins are the life of Inarizaki and although they're sometimes annoying, they mean well and it's plain to see that they love you.

Kita loves how smart and analytical you are. I've said this before, I'll say it again— Kita thinks brains are sexy 😤

Especially when you call the team to give your insights about their opponents, or give them ideas on how to improve their play, Kita is literally there like “I'm so glad she's ours”

Because you would be a dangerous asset to other teams, and Kita is the most thankful that you're with them.

He's also a really good leader and although the two of you don't have heart-to-hearts or conversations like the twins, you know he'll ALWAYS be there for you.

Like once, it was raining and practice was cancelled, so you decided to wait in school until the rain subsided (because you didn't want to get wet), and our sweet Kita searched for you in every single classroom until the finally found you and walked you home. That's just the dynamic you had with him

He also often checks up on you, even when it's unrelated to volleyball. Have you done your homework? have you ate breakfast this morning? although you're usually sarcastic with the twins and most of the other members of the team, you can't bring yourself to do so with Kita.

The respect you guys have for each other is unmatched and that's probably why you're such a golden duo in Inarizaki. The leader and the analytical manager.

And now Suna. I think Suna would be the member you have the deepest bond with. you truly allow him to see who you are inside, and he does the same. You guys really just click.

It started with him complaining about Atsumu, and slowly progressed into you letting Suna be the only member to have physical contact with you, but only when the others aren't looking.

Sometimes, if you guys are the only two people in the gym, he'll nap on your lap or lean on your shoulder.

If you didn't already know, like everyone else in Inarizaki, he has a crush on you 😖🖐️ like damn you thought Atsumu had it bad? nah, Suna has it the worst.

He literally asks his little sister to let him practice braiding her hair, just so he'll be perfect when he someday asks to do yours.

But he always chickens out because he's scared you'll say no 😭😭 he's internally very shy, okay? 🥺🥺

He's literally your best friend. You guys have study sessions together, anime nights, literally anything, he's right there with you. The rest of the team are literally not aware of how close the two of you are.

Until one day, Atsumu tries daring you to kiss Suna on the forehead, and instead of flat-out refusing (like you've done before when he's dared you to kiss him, or Akagi) you shrug and gently kiss Suna on the forehead, causing Suna to smile and ruffle your hair.

The rest of the team is just shocked.

Atsumu: what is this FUCKERY?? is y/n literally WILLINGLY touching someone ??¿¿

Y/n and Suna: *smirks*

Atsumu, close to tears: okay

But the rest of the team soon accept you and Suna have a pretty special bond, and that you're genuinely softer when it comes to him.

You don't snap at him much, and as they've noticed, Suna has started being more brave about leaning on your shoulder or sleeping on your lap.

Of course, the rest of the team (with the exception of Kita) is jealous. But hey, they just don't have Suna's charm, okay? xD

You make Suna want to try harder, and he's way more motivated to give it his all in every single game. Mostly because he wants you to be proud of him.

He definitely has a nickname for you, but he will only use it when he's sure you guys are alone. And in return, you call him "Rin" which makes his heart flutter 🥺🥺

KAHDKSS I TOOK SO LONG WITH THE SUNA ONE PLEASE IM TURNING BOTH OF US INTO EVEN BIGGER SUNA SIMPS (as if we weren't already xD)

Now onto Aran !! Aran is a softie who (like Kita) respects you a great deal. He'll fend Atsumu and Osamu off if he senses you aren't having a great day.

He's also pretty good at giving you your space but he checks up on you every once in a while if anyone is bothering you.

Although he's shy about it, Aran actually comes to you when he doesn't understand a homework question. You're super smart and he knows you won't make him feel bad about not knowing.

And it makes you feel happy to know he trusts you, so you help him as best as you can. It's a little secret of yours that the other members don't know about.

It especially lights your day up when he gets a good grade and whispers a silent "thank you" to you in class.

In return, will help you with anything you ask for. No questions asked.

And now, last but not least, sunshine Akagi!! I think he's a total Hinata Shoyo, so he might annoy you a bit at first because of his bright personality.

But deep down inside, you love how easily he gets people to smile and slowly find yourself warming up to him.

And Akagi is really determined to get you to smile (at least once a day) so he cracks the corniest jokes or makes puns.

It has become a thing between the two of you, where Akagi tells you a joke a day, and you rate it out of ten.

Gone are the days when you found him annoying. And now, even if you won't tell him outright— you really do think he's one of the brightest people in your life.

Additional headcanons

CHEERING YOU UP— whenever you feel quieter than usual, or a bit more sarcastic, the boys immediately know something is wrong and rush over to make you feel okay. Literally, it's almost like they've abandoned practice. And eventhough you tell them to get back to it, they refuse to leave until you're feeling better. Suna usually gives you a hug and kisses your forehead, whilst Akagi cracks jokes. Then, (and eventhough you protest) Atsumu lists off all the things you should love about yourself, whilst Osamu buys you ice cream (food is, after all, the best cure for anything). Aran is literally ready to HUNT the person who affected your mood down, and kill them, whilst Kita is literally just holding him back and making sure things don't go overboard. Even if you aren't fully cheered up by then, you'd have laughed a whole lot and know how much they care for you, so honestly... how could you stay sad?

REACTING TO YOU TELLING THEM OFF— Suna is literally just meh about it. He can't take you seriously because he's a dork who thinks he's not included in the list of "idiots" (but no Suna, u mf, you ARE included -_-). Atsumu thinks it's hot 👀 (as I mentioned above), Akagi is genuinely upset/ready to sob and vows to do better. Kita is proud of you for telling them off before he could do it (Kita is not included in the "idiots". How could he? he's PERFECT 🖐️). Osamu and Aran have similar reactions, because they end up apologizing and try to change tactics and do better.

HOW THEY'D ACT WHEN YOU START DATING SUNA— (because this is honestly inevitable, wbk 😭❤️). Atsumu would be jealous. Petty and would call Suna "pretty boy" every chance he gets. Leave him, im sure he'll get over it 🥺🥺 Osamu is pretty jealous too, but he'll never show it and focuses instead on your happiness. Kita approves, and honestly thinks you're a good influence on Suna. Aran is protective of you, and would literally gun Suna down if he ever hurt you (but he won't. Suna loves you, he'd literally jump down a cliff before ever hurting you 😤🖐️) and Akagi is cheerful as before, but extra glad because you seem to smile a bit more often (and Akagi loves your smile).

I took a lot of effort on this <3 hope you like it, bae !! Taglist— @dai-tsukki-desu @sunasthing @k-sakusa-old @tilli-san

[kaen-ace-of-diamonds]

SO LAST WEEKEND I WENT TO SEE IT AND NOW I’VE FINALLY GOT SOME OF MY THOUGHTS IN ORDER ENOUGH TO YELL ABOUT IT

FIRST OF ALL, HOLY SHIT

I mean, I don’t want to say that this movie kicked the shit out of the old movie in a dark alley, stole its wallet, and then lit it on fire, BUT, this movie kicked the shit out of the old movie in a dark alley, stole its wallet, and then lit it on fire. (The book then immediately ran both of them over in a semi truck, but that’s beside the point.)

Seriously, though, it’s crazy how much of an improvement this was. I think I’ll go through it bit by bit, so I can try and get everything. 

- I’ll start off with what everybody’s going nuts about: Pennywise!

As far as comparison goes, though I am hesitant to diss Tim Curry, because he is wonderful, the new movie’s version of the character is not only scarier, it’s much more true to the book. While Curry was clearly having a ball with his performance, Miniseries!Pennywise’s portrayal is severely hurt by lackluster writing, special effects that haven’t really aged well, and basically just looking like a guy in a cheap clown costume and makeup. 

Bill Skarsgård, on the other hand, not only knocked it out of the park with his performance (and is tall and skinny as fuck so that helped), but the writing and design definitely up the scare factor a lot more. I love so, so much that they’re putting more focus on what It actually is: not just a creepy clown, but a predatory Eldritch Abomination beyond human comprehension. With the much higher focus on Its shapeshifting, Its unnatural movements (the scene where It comes out of the box all twisted and unraveling Its limbs was so fucking cool, I shouldn’t have been grinning but I was anyway), the way It’s literally drooling over Georgie, how when It feeds, It pulls out all those rows of teeth and Its eyes roll back in Its head like a shark attack and the jaw unhinges like a snake...It’s feral, vicious, animalistic, fantastic.

(Side note: I lost my shit near the end when Its jaws opened past Its fucking forehead and I realized that not only does its mouth look like an unholy fusion of the mouths of a lamprey and a leatherback turtle, but those are the fucking Deadlights at the back! I am just praying to the horror gods that this time we’ll get a take on Its final boss form that actually looks scary.)

- Speaking of which, the movie’s scary parts get special kudos for making the poor girl behind me in the theater jump so hard the seats shook a little on two or three separate occasions. I could hear her like quietly crying for a little bit, she was so scared, I felt so bad! :(

- Now, on the other side of things: The Losers’ Club. Long story short, I LOVE THESE KIDS SO MUCH OH MY GOD THEIR FRIENDSHIP IS THE BEST PART OF THE MOVIE

I will actually die for Beverly Marsh

You go girl, kill that abusive father, you’re doing amazing sweetie, 10/10

EDDIE IS FUCKING PRECIOUS

I actually think I love Movie!Eddie more than Book!Eddie, he is an actual adorable puppy

“they’re GAZEBOS!!!” mY BOY <3

And I definitely love Movie!Richie more than Book!Richie, because they dumped out all his racist jokes from the book and made him brighter and more cheerful than Miniseries!Richie 

He goes from friendly sweetheart to pure awesome in a second and he’s honestly one of the best parts of the movie

“Derry started as a beaver-trapping town.” “And it still is, amiright boys?!?”

“wHAT THE FUCK”

“Go blow your dad, you mullet-wearing asshole!” bURN OF THE GODDAMN CENTURY

“Now I have to kill this fucking clown!”

Stan left the Losers first as a kid and 27 years later he’ll leave them first again and I’m going to lose it

All I could think during the lamprey-mouth-sucking-face scene and the ensuing trauma was, “Oh shit, they’re having Stan get hurt the worst here for a reason”

Ben Hanscom is darling and deserves the world

Every time he smiled I just wanted to hug him

SPEAKING OF DESERVING BETTER:

Mike is probably my second favorite Loser (right behind Bill), and while they gave him a nice character arc, I wish to God that he’d gotten more screentime and that they hadn’t given his Thing as the one who researches Derry’s history and figures out It’s pattern to Ben, because, you know, that’s kind of important since he’s the one who stays in Derry to be their lookout up to adulthood

But hey, if they let him keep that role, he’ll probably get more of the spotlight in the second movie, so we’ll see

I did love that he was the one who got to fight Henry and knock him down the well, maybe as a nod to the bad blood between the Bowers and Hanlon families from the book

- Special props go to the beginning scenes (Bill and Georgie at home right up to where Georgie gets it...ah, no pun intended). In my opinion, IT has the best opening that Stephen King ever wrote, and the movie definitely did it justice. 

While the miniseries kind of skimmed over their brotherly relationship, here, it’s focused on like it should be, front and center, and was genuinely deep and touching. Maybe this is just me as an older sister talking, but watching the two of them together, clearly loving each other, and knowing that this is the last time Bill will ever see his brother alive seriously got to me

I liked how they had Georgie actually be creeped out by the clown in the sewer, like any normal child, enough that he almost ran off

And unlike the book or miniseries, his actual death here wasn’t just scary, it hurt my heart to see Georgie panicking and crying and trying to get away

“Billyyyyyy!” fucking kill me

And while Book!Bill will always be my favorite (he just seems to have more depth to him there), he’s definitely a lot more compelling here than he is in the miniseries

We actually get to see believable grief and denial, and a seriously heartbreaking speech about how walking into the lair of a murdering monster, with no guarantee he’ll come back out alive, is easier than walking into a home without his little brother

And then at the end, when he gets the undeniable proof that his brother died a horrible death and there was no way he could have saved him (btw, that shot of the raincoat came out of NOWHERE and HIT ME LIKE A BRICK), and finally breaks down crying -- !

Fuck. Me. Running; that all hurts

I don’t care that the online quizzes say I’m most like Ben or Bev, I’ve always identified with Bill the most. I’m not a natural leader, but I’m reserved, usually thinking hard, sometimes have trouble speaking, and if I ever lost my little brother, I don’t know what I’d do without him. His is the story I feel most connected to, and I’m glad it was done so well.

- (One more note on Beverly’s big scene, though: as much as I loved it, I have to say, I’m wondering how it will affect Chapter Two. If I remember correctly, Book!Beverly only ended up with Tom Rogan because she never got over what her father did, much less stood up to him when she was just a kid, let alone friggin killed him. The only reason I don’t have too much of a problem with her being damsel-in-distress captured to rally the boys together is that half the point of that scene is to show that since she’s already physically fought and killed her worst fear, she isn’t affected in the slightest by It. One could make an argument that it would be a result of all the kids’ memories of what they did fading as they grow up and leave Derry -- and Bev’s already leaving by the end of this movie -- but if she isn’t at all intimidated by the literal embodiment of everything humans fear while still a child, I don’t know that I’ll be able to buy that she inexplicably ended up trapped by a run-of-the-mill shitbag like Tom as a grown adult.)

- As for the human villains! Let me just start off by saying PATRICK HOCKSTETTER GOT FUCKING ROBBED. 

Okay, to be fair, I’m not invested enough in his character to be actually irritated about it, and if they decided that the underage sewer orgy couldn’t be filmed (a decision I fully approve of, the blood bonding scene alone was a lot cooler and I don’t care what Stephen King says, the damn story didn’t need an underage sewer orgy), then Patrick murdering his baby brother out of solipsistic spite and jerking off Henry in a junkyard wouldn’t fly, either. His scenes add nothing to the plot, anyway; the guy is there purely to be fucked up and creepy. (Though I must admit, it was cool to see what It would do with a victim that could feel neither fear nor pain.) 

But on the other hand, if you’re not going to include any of the parts that made him fucked up and creepy, then why even have him in the movie? It just seems pointless. 

Seriously, this was my train of thought during that whole scene:

“Wait, Patrick? This whole time, I thought that was Victor...Wait, he’s clearly going to die, they’re not going to kill him off so soon?! They’re not...Oh, nope, yep, there he goes. He’s dead. And not a leech to be seen. Shame.”

Henry’s other friends didn’t leave much of an impression on me, but then again I didn’t care about them in the book or miniseries either. It was pretty much the same with Beverly’s father, except it was a great move to remove Bev’s mom to make it so poor Bev is trapped with just her father, in a much more vulnerable position than the book or the miniseries, with no one to stop him from hurting her

However, I did like how they did Henry; he’s a lot easier to take seriously as just a fucked-up kid now that he doesn’t look like Walmart Danny Zuko

While I feel like I prefer how his father was portrayed in the book, this is an interesting twist on his character: he can play the part of the strict but good cop in public, to make sure his son doesn’t make him look bad in the guise of keeping him on the straight and narrow, but in private, abusing and humiliating him as he pleases, and since he’s a cop, there’s no one Henry could go to for help and so he’s doomed to end up just as vicious and cruel as his father, just more obvious about it

“Ain’t nothing like a little fear to make a paper man crumble;” oh my god what an asshole but what a good line

(Side note, I kept thinking I recognized Henry’s face from somewhere, but I looked up Nicholas Hamilton on IMDB and I haven’t seen anything he was in. Weird.)

Also: since Henry didn’t stay in the picture long enough to be used as the scapegoat for the murders and end up in an asylum, I’m wondering how they’ll bring him back for the second half, since the creators confirmed that yeah, like the book, he isn’t quite dead

Oh God, what if they have it so It was keeping him unnaturally alive in the sewers for 27 years?! That’s some horrible I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream shit but if that’s how they want to go it might work!

Granted, though, having no asylum leaves the filmmakers without the impossible problem of trying to make a dog in a clown suit scary...

- I don’t think there’s any more characters I have any opinion on and it’s the middle of the night and I’m too tired to say much else but yeah, all the kudos to the cast and crew for being so amazing

- AND! MOST IMPORTANTLY OF ALL!

AFTER OVER A HUNDRED YEARS AND COUNTLESS ATTEMPTS, THIS MOVIE HAS FINALLY GIVEN US THE BEST MOMENT IN ALL OF CINEMA HISTORY:

LIKE, I SAW THIS GIF BEFORE I SAW THE MOVIE AND I WAS CONVINCED, 100% CONVINCED, THAT IT WAS AN EDIT

BUT NOPE, THAT’S THE ACTUAL SCENE. THE ENTIRE THEATER BURST OUT LAUGHING. NOW, AS MY FRIEND WHO WAS WITH ME SAID, “WE AS HUMANS HAVE ASCENDED TO THE HIGHEST FORM OF ART.” THERE’S YET ANOTHER ENDLESS SOURCE OF FUEL FOR MY BAD DECISIONS AT 2:00 AM:

(if you listen very closely, you can hear me and my undone homework sobbing in the distance)

(there’s over 20 parts to that series now, as of the typing of these insane ramblings)

(just in case anyone else would like to make some Bad Choices)

- I’m looking forward to the second half and how they’ll handle the adult Losers’ stories, because I now have 100% faith in all involved to do it just as well as they did the kids’ half

All I’ll say on what my expectations are for Chapter Two is, I will go into it knowing damn well that if they stay faithful up until the end, the ending will break my heart just like the book did and I’ll end up crying shamelessly in the theater like Les Miserables all over again

“I loved you guys, you know. I loved you so much.” fUCK YOU STEPHEN KING, YOU AND YOUR FUCKING ENDINGS, DONT PLAY WITH MY FEELINGS LIKE THIS

[boystownbirdie]

LMWTV4U: GOT S7E6

Welcome back to Let Me Watch TV 4 U, the blog where I watch TV for you! Tonight we’re talking bout Game of Thrones season 7 episode 6, “Beyond the Wall” aka Disney Presents The Walking Dead on Ice! Let’s jump right in to this icy abyss, shall we?!

SPOILERS AHEAD!

We open on a curious panning across of a map, and no I’m not talking about the opening credits. It looks like the giant map/table in Dragonstone? 

However we quickly cut to our Eastwatch crew...

...who are marching one by one further and further North. We’ve got Bae, (the artist formerly known as) Stoney, New-Thor (let’s just say Thor, shall we? He’s not so new anymore), Gingerbae, Gingerbun, Eyepatch, the Hound and approx 5 rando nightswatch dudes and/or wildlings who are doomed because no backstory = dead first.

First, we get some ice-breakers (sorry can’t stop won’t stop) when Thor tells us he’s never even seen snow before and I’m like bb boi come here to Chicago I’ll show you some midwestern winters! Thor is also still feeling a little salty toward Eyepatch and Gingerbun for selling him off to the red witch while the Hound keeps score and is like, Thor you didn’t really have it so bad. Gingerbun hands Thor the olive branch in the form of a flask.

Meanwhile, Gingerbae asks Bae about Khaleesi and Bae is all coy but GB sees right through that. Gingerbae helpfully reminds us that he still loves Brienne of Tarth (aka Ladyknight) very much.

Bae and Stoney swing their swords around (not a euphemism) and Bae tries to give his huge fancy sword to Stoney since it belonged to Stoney’s dad. Stoney is like naw, it’s yours man, give it to your KIDS. And we’re supposed to be thinking, whoa! Is Bae on the market for marriage/kids? Cuz sign us all up! Later Eyepatch tells Bae that Bae doesn’t really look like Ned Stark which, duh, cuz we know Bae is Ned’s nephew. But also Bae’s bio-dad was Khaleesi’s bro and apparently had silver-white hair like her so WHERE DID BAE GET HIS LEWKS FROM? Heaven, apparently.

Before we get into the meat, pun intended, let’s pop into Winterfell, shall we?

Sansa and Arya discuss gender roles and Arya tells us a tale of their dad, Ned Stark, sort of tacitly approving of her being a fighter rather than a lady. And then she’s like, speaking of, dad was killed by the Lannisters with YOUR help, Sansa. Arya brings up the letter she found last week that poor bb Sansa was forced to right by QPC and is not happy about it. And Sansa is really caught off guard but also like STEP ALL THE WAY OFF, I have been THROUGH IT. They argue about the past few years and who’s had it the worst but also as Leslie Knope would say, uteruses before duderuses, ya know?

Later, Sansa is talking to Littlefinger, who set up all this nonsense anyway and he’s like well Ladyknight can be your referee since she lurves both of you? But then Sansa sends Ladyknight away to King’s Landing to be her proxy in this upcoming summit with QPC. Towards the end of ep, Sansa decides to do some snooping of her own a la Arya last week and finds Arya’s suitcase full of faces from the face-swapping-assassin-training-academy which Arya dropped out of after a misunderstanding with a professor who wanted her killed. Sansa is like srsly, WTF? And Arya explains the face-swapping thing which sounds crazy the first time you hear it, but so did dragons and we got them now so all’s fair, right? Arya grabs a knife and basically threatens to cut Sansa’s face off but then hands Sansa the knife and scoots outta there. So at the end of the day, no Stark-on-Stark crime this week but stay tuned!

We pop in to see Khaleesi and Tyrion chatting by the fire…

She’s like, you know what I like about you? You’re not brave. And he’s like umm thanks? And then she’s like all of my fave bois are brave but stupid and she includes Bae on that list. And T is like, so you’re taking a liking to him, eh? They discuss strategy and have a little tiff wherein Khaleesi again questions T’s loyalty. And then he’s like btw, you said you can’t have kids so...who gets to be in charge when you die? And she’s like let’s cross that bridge when we come to it, and he’s like it’s called a LIVING WILL for a reason, babe.

Back North of the wall...

Bae and Gingerbae spot a bear but they’re like, that’s weird… he’s got blue eyes-ahhh zombie bear! Zombie bear kills one of the no-name/ no-backstory guys (like we care!?) and maims Gingerbun. Eyepatch smartly cauterizes the wound with his flaming sword while the Hound is too busy having PTSD about fire. Really unfortunate to be afraid of fire in a world without electricity, huh?

Bae and Gingerbae spot a small crew of ice zombies and decide to take one of them prisoner. During the scuffle, Bae kills a leader-ice-zombie and suddenly all of his pals drop dead too. They find out that you kill the leader, the rest die too- good to know! But in capturing their prisoner-zombie, his squeals seem to alert the 5 million other ice zombies to their location and next thing you know, the crew is about to be trapped. Bae smartly tells Thor to run back to the wall and tell Khaleesi the scoop. Poor Thor has to give up his hammer before he leaves so that the rest of the crew has more zombie-smashing tools.

SOMEHOW, I still don’t understand the logistics of it all, but Bae and crew get stuck on this little island surrounded by a frozen lake. The 5 billion zombies surround them but can’t walk further into the lake without falling in. It’s a real pickle. Luckily, Thor does make it back to the wall to tell No-Knuckles to send word to Khaleesi.

Speaking of Khaleesi, that raven flew fast because she already got the scoop. She is DECKED OUT in her cold-weather best and is heading North to save the day with all 3 dragons. Tyrion is like BAD IDEA HUN but she goes anyway. While Khaleesi flies like the actual wind on her #1 dragon, poor Gingerbun has succumbed to his injures or maybe freezes in the night and is no longer with us. So, much like Rose must let go of frozen Jack (but why does she say “I’ll never let go” as she is literally letting go? I’ll never understand the word choice), Eyepatch has to burn Gingerbun’s body before he becomes a zombie too.

Sidenote: Why didn’t everyone bring weapons made of dragonglass or valyrian steel? We know now that only these 2 things plus fire kills the ice zombies and Bae just mined heaps of dragonglass from Khaleesi’s basement for this very purpose. Sometimes I think I should be the King in the North, ya know!?

But back to the battle, the Hound decides to skip stones across the lake like an idiot, which leads the ice zombies to learn that the lake is frozen solid again. Now that the zombies can cross the lake, they attack the crew and they are VICIOUS. Bae and co retreat to another little island but are completely surrounded and basically dead. Bae is tweakin’ out probably thinking about what a bad idea all of this was, when all of the sudden, Khaleesi’s dragons have landed!

They all fly around burning up ice zombies by the hundreds and narrowly missing our crew. After Khaleesi successfully wipes out a good number of zombies, she lands to let her priority boarding pass holders on dragon #1 with her. Meanwhile, Bae is still fighting off some zombies. The #1 in charge ice zombie aka the Night King, throws a giant ice spear at #2 or #3 dragon (honestly idk, let’s say #3) and makes it on the first try. It’s sad that #3 gets speared and all but I’m kinda like wow nice shot. Dragon #3 falls into the icy water and sinks and Khaleesi is weepin’ about it.

At the same time, Bae is now fully overrun by interloping zombies and this FLIGHT IS ABOUT TO DEPART, honey! He falls into an ice-hole and Khaleesi sees the Night King winding up his ice javelin so she has to go. I know what you’re thinking, wow Bae is super dead, right? He fell into a frozen lake whilst being attacked by zombies. WELL YOU ARE WRONG.

Bae crawls outta that ice hole, grabs his fancy sword, and starts walking. Soon enough the zombies see him walking in a non-zombie-like fashion so they are on it. BUT Bae’s uncle Benjen (who is pretty much the only person whose relationship with Bae is unchanged by his whole bio-dad and bio-mom thing!) rolls up on his horse with his incense-swinger! Uncle B saves Bae (remember Uncle B saved Bran last season?) and sticks him on his horse, but stays behind to fight off zombies with his incense-swinger. Bae, who is like 65% Leo-from-Titanic-frozen at this point, heads back to the wall.

The rest of the crew are back at Eastwatch and we learn that the Hound is the one who’ll be bringing the “sample zombie” back to show QPC. Khaleesi is watching from the top of the wall to see if Bae makes it back while Stoney is like, let it go, he’s dead, I’m alive and recently not-Stoney...when suddenly Bae rides back to camp.

On the ship back to Khaleesi-ville, Khaleesi sees Bae on the operating table and notices that he has a stab-scar on his heart. Remember when Bae died and then got brought back to life but then Bae has been super secretive about it? Well the secret's out babe! She watches him being warmed up/revived and sits there watching him sleep for awhile #gottaenjoytheview. When he wakes up (still topless!) he’s like wow I’m so sorry #3 dragon died this was a horrible plan. And she’s like no, I’m glad I saw the army of zombies. I will fight with you, Bae.

And Bae is like wow, also I know I said I wouldn’t kneel to you but honey, I will. Then he calls her Dany and she’s like...eww...my creepy bro used to call me that. And he’s like well then I’ll just call you MY KWEEN. And I’m like yassss gaga. Also they hold hands. Also, she’s like I can’t have kids, ok?!? So just… cards on the table. They hold hands some more and it looks like we might get a little kiss but naw, she’s G2G.

In our last scene, we see thousands of zombies working together (good for you! teamwork!) to pull dragon #3 out of the frozen lake. The Night King walks over and touches him and BAM! ZOMBIE DRAGON. SHIT IS GONNA GET REAL.

Let’s recap:

Biggest surprise this ep: Uncle Benjen? How did you know Bae was in this part of town?

Biggest letdown: I wanted more witty banter from Thor! Also, enough with the will-they won’t-they, GoT. This isn’t Cheers!

Important fashion moments: Khaleesi’s Wintertime Fantasy Realness was GIVING ME LIFE. THAT. COAT. 

Who died this ep? Gingerbun, a lot of ice zombies, Uncle Benjen (although he was kinda already dead?) and dragon #3. RIP Gingerbun I will miss being confused-ly attracted to you.

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