#that i'd have to keep forever bc i bought it

[kindacreepy-kindaugly]

haven't been sad like this in a long time

[leveragehunters]

okay, I have to ask — how do you like your kobo ereader??

I’ve been eyeing one for a while bc I really *don’t* want a kindle, but also *so* many people have a kindle that it feels like it’s the only real option

Holy crap I LOVE IT. It's so much better than the Kindle. (Also: this got long)

I decided to upgrade my old Paperwhite (it was a second gen, so pretty old and small) and I almost got a new Paperwhite automatically (cause I felt much the same as you).

But the Kobos were on the same page and since I'm trying to be less impulsive, I started poking around and they are so good.

I went with a black Libra 2 and it's like the software was actually designed for human beings, unlike the Kindle software, which I think was designed for no one except the devil.

I side-load only and keep all my books organised in collections. The only way to do collections on the Kindle is manually, one book at a time, or jailbreak (and I'm not sure you can jailbreak the new Paperwhites, plus it's such a PITA).

On the Kobo, I can build collections from within Calibre, super fast and multiple books at a time. You can also do them manually on the Kobo, but even that is SO MUCH EASIER than on the Kindle.

The actual screen reading experience is basically identical (you can even side-load the Kindle font if you want it), since e-ink is pretty much e-ink, but it has few extra 'while you're reading' tweaks, like setting the all around margin size of the book (great if you switch between books and comics) and controlling the presence of, and info in, the top and bottom bar (pages left in book, pages left in chapter, percentage left to go etc). It also has a brightness and a warmness setting, so you can tweak those til they're just right for you.

I'm loving the physical page turn buttons so much - way easier than having to swipe the screen. I can hold the Kobo in one hand and just page forward with my thumb. It's also a teeny tiny bit lighter than my old Paperwhite.

I also love that you can 'archive' any books you've bought from Kobo, so they don't show up on the e-reader (you can still get them from Kobo later if you want), unlike Amazon where they're always right there unless you delete them forever. Like I said, I side-load everything, I don't want to see the Amazon-displayed copies. I don't want to see the Amazon displayed ANYTHING.

Kobo also doesn't advertise to you. Even in a non ad-supported Kindle, the home page of the new Kindle software shows trending and suggested books. It's bloody advertising. The home page on the Kobo shows you things about your library, with a discrete text invitation at the bottom to find new books or make a wishlist. There is a 'Discover' tab where you can see suggested books and such, but you have to actively go there, which means you're seeing it because you want to see it.

It's very intuitive to use - there's tabs down the bottom that do what they say on the tin and the settings are clear what they do. If it goes to sleep on 'Books' it wakes up on 'Books'. If you have authors sorted by last name it shows them all sorted by last name (this was endless aggravation on the Kindle which seemed to have an 'I do whatever the fuck I like' approach). It displays a cute little 'sleeping' when it's asleep along with the cover of what you're currently reading (you can turn that last one off).

It natively supports a decent assortment of file types: KEPUB, EPUB, EPUB2, EPUB3, PDF, FlePub, MOBI, PDF, JPEG, GIF, PNG, BMP, TIFF, TXT, HTML, RTF, CBZ and CBR.

I cannot recommend the Kobo Libra 2 highly enough. It's the damn bees knees and I wish I'd gotten one years ago. I can't ever see going back to the Kindle.

Some pics and Calibre details under the cut (which doesn't seem to be working, darn it).

(yes I have been rereading the Kitty series)

The Calibre plugins I grabbed are below, but tbh honest you don't really NEED any of them:

I also converted my library to kepub, which isn't necessary, but gives you some nifty extra reading features.

To create Collections on your Kobo with Calibre

Decide what Calibre column you want to use for setting your Collections (I use tags, because I don't use it for anything else, but you can also make a new column in Preferences or use one of the others).

Make sure your Kobo is ejected then go to Preferences in the toolbar, locate the Import/export section, then click Sending books to devices.

For Metadata Management, choose Automatic management.

Click Apply.

Remain in Preferences, locate the Advanced section, then click Plugins.

Expand Device Interface.

Scroll down and select either Kobo Touch Extended, or if that's not present, KoboTouch.

Click Customize plugin.

Switch to the Collections, covers & uploads tab.

Checkmark Collections.

For Collections columns, enter the name of the Column you're going to use for Collections.

Checkmark Create collections.

Click OK.

Close Preferences and exit and restart Calibre.

Fancy up your library by putting your books in Collections and when you're done, Send to Device and those collections will be there, all nicely and satisfyingly organised on your Kobo.

[bonesandthebees]

I was making myself london fog and, like every time I make it, it made me think of clinic and how its the reason I have discovered what has become my comfort fic

its just like the way I think about hat!crimeboys dancing every time I pass the laundrymat on my way to school

or how when on holiday we were trying flavoured honey in croatia and in my mind I went, just like the honey tubes tubbo bought in honey and tangerines

I keep getting reminded of your fics constantly in my every day life and it makes me so fond of all these stories that I will forever carry with me so I just wanted to say thank you and let you know how loved your stories are

I just made the ugliest happy sound at this I hope you know lol

this is so touching and sweet. and actually funny timing bc I was literally in the middle of rereading a random clinic chapter on my phone. I don't even remember why I started rereading it but I was like wow this fic was actually really fun wasn't it. I've also been wanting to sit down and properly reread honey and tangerines for ages now so I might do that soon bc of this :)

it seriously is so wild to think that you guys hold onto tiny details like that from my stories. that my silly stories have impact on you all and you hold onto it for years to come. It makes me so happy and means so much, you have no idea

(also I've had so many people say they discovered london fogs through clinic and love them now which is incredibly funny to me because I actually don't like london fogs at all. I wish I did I kept trying them for a while hoping I'd like them because it sounds exactly like a drink I'd love but it just was never my thing. so glad you guys all like them though 😭)

[quietlyblooms]

i'm pretty sure i've mentioned before how meeting kojirou again after so much time apart ends up being stressful but good for chiyo. he's able to clear the air and essentially put to rest the idea that chiyo ruined everything. it wasn't her fault that she wasn't in love at like?? 15. it wasn't her fault that he stopped contacting her. that detail is particularly dumb -- the dude lost his phone and had to get a new one with a new number, and part of me wants to change it to kojirou feeling embarrassed and blocking her. bc y'know... he was a dumb teenager whose pride and feelings were hurt :' )

i think it would make their second meeting more interesting bc while her rejection hurt him, it didn't ruin everything. had he not moved away, maybe ko would have tried harder to mend things, but he just didn't see a point. he still cared about her and still does. if anything, his own feelings got in the way of their friendship, and i think that would make a greater impact on chiyo.

i also like the idea that chiyo meets kojirou again while switching publishers. maybe her current publisher is bought out? merges with another? something like that, but either way, they're both deep into their careers and full-fledged adults. she feels terribly silly, but her first relationship still affects her to this day; were i writing this as a full-blown story, i think ko would either be 1. the main love interest, and clearing the air takes forever as well as them getting together, or 2. the last push chiyo needs to finally pursue the person she's currently in love with, and clearing the air happens relatively quickly.

but i'm not writing it like that, so it's more like... i'd rather use him at an opportune moment if my writing partner would like me to. you see, i live for the drama B) asdfg seriously, i want to use ko as a narrative tool, letting him give the other muse insight to chiyo's experiences ( bc like hell she's speaking up about her rough childhood ) or having him tell chiyo she's being ridiculous for being so skittish about dating. that sort of thing.

keep in mind chiyo and ko, whether they talk everything out or not, become close friends after reconnecting, so regardless of his narrative function, he's present in her life. i wanna make that more apparent, and i'd love to write him as a guest muse here and there. just! i basically wanna expand more on chiyo's story!! and include my writing partners in that!! sometimes i just forget or have no idea how to bring it up bc like :' )) not everyone wants to essentially write a full-blown story with you :' ))

[fiveht]

i have literally returned because i just got the BEST FUCKING ANSWER from you. please don't feel obligated to keep replying bc i WILL continue to keep gushing but. siri being 5'7 really warms the cockles of my heart bc that's my tall-for-a-girl height and the DREAM is a 6'5 daddy like remus. 10/10. i love that remus has these depraved (yet oddly wholesome) fantasies about his baby boy. and the funny thing is that siri is just fucked up enough to love it all. running out of letters but i love u

Are you kidding me I love this shit, I'd talk about them all fucking day if someone would listen. (I am very slow to respond sometimes, but that's my work schedule's fault.)

Sirius is definitely a little fucked up, and it's hard to blame him, with his upbringing. And he hasn't thought about any of this all that deeply because he hasn't felt the need to -- he knows that he likes thinking about daddy owning him, though the specifics of that statement are just kind of revealing themselves to him as they go along.

But Sirius is smart, too, and he wouldn't be in this at all if Remus hadn't first shown him that caretaker side. Because Sirius really wad just fucking around, having fun anonymously flirting with this hot daddy; feelings wouldn't have been a factor had Remus not looked after him on his birthday, or asked about his family, or bought him groceries just because. That's part of the ownership too. The caveman is hot because it's the opposite side of that coin. Sweet, calm, nurturing Remus has a switch in his head and all Sirius has to do to flip it is flutter his lashes and say "Hi daddy," and suddenly he's got this handsy, snarling, possessive man all over him.

"Everyone's gonna know my daddy marks up my throat 'cause he owns me." That was Sirius, that was the first time either of them voiced it. And up until that point, Remus hadn't even really let himself think about it in those terms, because that was literally like three minutes after they had kissed for the first time.

Sirius has taken every first step. Remus has just been pulled along from holy fuck he's hot to I'm going to fuck his brains out to he's mine all mine forever. Remus did not see this coming. You better believe he was biting his tongue HARD that first night in Sirius' bed. There were so many things he wanted to say, and nearly did. A few of them might slip free over Christmas.

As a side note, I will die on the hill of the wolfstar size difference. Remus as a gentle giant and Sirius as a tiny spitfire is my forever headcanon.

Your comments on my old Thorki fic always made me giddy (I did not realise you were the same person until after I responded to your last ask). I'm so flattered that you read off-pairing for me, and your enthusiasm makes me so fucking happy. Thanks friend ❤️

[illcitaffrs]

no one asked for but I'm here to rank my fanfictions!

20 - Down the Rabbit Hole (bomika): honestly it's no bad, i just sometimes forget it even exists, and just never complete it (should I tho?)

19 - Give Me Something To Dream About (bomika): also not bad but not good..? was one of my first ones so.. meh

18 - Lately You've Been On My Mind (bomika): not my fav, kinda bad even

17 - Should We Just Keep Driving? (bomika): SO CUTE AND ADORABLE, but not that rememberable tho

16 - Christmas Date (bomika): CUTE FLUFF AND ADORABLE BOMIKA!! honestly, obsessed with it

15 - It's a Cruel Summer With You (chenry): cute and fluffy love my chenry's so much

14 - Your Shirt (bomika): most recent one, and honestly pretty proud of it

13 - The Force is Back (bomika): that was me inspired by that 11 second clip of S3 <3

12 - The Only Way (bomika kinda): love it, it linda brings me joy

11 - Wisdom Teeth (chenry): SO PROUD OF IT, LOVE IT SM

And finally, the top ten!

10 - Let Me Kiss You (bomika): honestly just me thinking about all of the ways their first kiss could go, love it tho

9 - Lattes & Lavenders (bomika): least fav from the Coffee & Flowers series, but I love it!!

8 - Teas & Lillys (bomika): sick fic. have to say something else???

7 - Vigilante Shit (bomika): SO PROUD OF MY ENEMIES TO LOVERS BOMIKA MOMENT

6 - I'd Marry You With Paper Rings (bomika): CUTE AND FLUFFY AND SO ADORABLE COME ON

5 - Coffees & Tulips (bomika): Coffee shop owner Bose and florist Mika, come on! is amazing!

4 - You Are So Gorgeous It Makes Me So Mad (chenry): first chenry fic I've ever written, but it's still amazing

3 - Only Bought This Dress So You Could Take It Off (bomika): LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT WE LOVE SOME GOOD TS + BOMIKA

2 - There's Glitter On The Floor After The Party (bomika): FAV SONG FROM REP AND OBVIOUSLY IS SO GOOD??? PROPOSAL MOMENT?????

1 - You And Me That's My Whole World (bomika): FIRST FIC I POSTED AN STILL MY FAV, I LOVE IT SM ITS LIKE MY CHILD AND I REMEMBER FREAKING OUT BC @boseobrien TALKED ABOUT ON HERE HONESTLY THE ONE WHO STARTED ALL FOREVER ICONIC

[yichens]

9 Fandom Peeps to Get to Know Better:

thank you so much for tagging me @hils79 ♥ i enjoyed reading yours so much! these tiny details about ppl are always so interesting somehow.

-

3 Ships You Like: just like you, i have a ton of ships bc i've also been in fandom business for over ten years now... but let's say the biggest current ones would be puentalay, waikorn, and pete/way (from pit babe haha). all this based on what fics i've been reading lately :'D

First Ship Ever: had to stare at a wall for a couple of secs for this but i'd say kaname/zero from vampire knight OR wolfram/yuuri from kyo kara maoh (yes i think most of my first ships were from anime)

Last Song You Heard: castle of glass by linkin park :'D am listening to my last twilight playlist which is now filled with linkin park unfortunately

Favourite Childhood Book: i cannot remember many books from my early childhood anymore, less so this quickly, but i really want to mention michael p. spradlin's the youngest templar trilogy. the first book accompanied me on one of my family's trips to thailand and for a while afterward i was obsessed with the whole series.

Currently Reading: stephenie meyer's the midnight sun, once again. still for my thesis. for myself, i am currently reading nothing, but i hope to start the little prince soon bc i bought it a while back. also read this finnish duology a while back that left me a mess. it was a story about two boys that did sailing as a hobby and i loved how the author had woven that hobby into their lives and romance (and the murder mystery they were solving).

Currently watching: dff – dead friend forever. rewatching last twilight with @nongnaos ♥ (also finished watching the new avatar – the last airbender live action show on netflix yesterday and hoping to start some kdrama soon. looking forward to the new season of young royals and the beginning of 23.5 ♥)

Currently consuming: a lot of fanfiction but also a lot of research material for my thesis. now i should just find the energy to write it...

Currently craving: a new edit for last twilight. the body is willing but for some reason my brain keeps going around in circles, not knowing what to focus on. soon, perhaps? (or as soon as i have the energy to take screenshots again, that is my biggest enemy)

tagging: @nongnaos @leonpob @ongsasuns @thasorns @icouldhyperfixatehim @jimmyysea @gabrielokun @justafriend-ql @stormyoceans ♥

[angelfairyqueenheart]

3:18am (BST) 14th december 2023

i met my ex for coffee today. the nice one, not the ones from school. it was good to see him. we were never really meant to be - but we work great as friends. he's kind. he sees with eyes and a mind that no one else i know does. he understands so deeply - and yearns to if he doesn't. he has piercing blue eyes and curly ginger hair that never really knows what it's doing. turns out we've been in the same city at uni for over a year now. his ears are pierced now. he has a cool green paisley sort of silk scarf. with that and his coat off he looks just the same as i knew him before though.

we broke up because my grandfather died. i didn't know how to deal with it. i already had bad mental health issues. it broke me a bit. a lot. once i went to this christian youth festival with my youth group and this kid a year younger than me said that i would undergo transformation, specifically like the art of kintsugi. you know, that japanese thing where they fix broken pots and stuff with liquid gold? my cracks and breaks would be sewn together with gold, they said. they didn't lie - i don't think.

i think the first evidence of that was when my grandad died. through my cracks and grief, a burning passion leaked through and made me stand up for myself for the first time. i realised the relationship wasn't right for me - it just immediately felt wrong, like a skin i had to shed or i'd have to live in it forever. mind you, i didn't deal with it right, i didn't have the wisdom or courage that i do now. not that i'm wise, or courageous. i changed my clothes too. my birthday rolled around and my now-partner gave me an amazon gift card so i bought the cheapest makeup i could find. i went thrifting and bought clothes that make me feel like a human being (and maybe a little bit cool).

that didn't help my mental health though - it didn't make it worse - but it didn't like, improve things. i was still a mess. i still drank at school for the next year and a half. i didn't trust anyone. i still don't trust anyone. i'd like to. my ex didn't see me much at all after we broke up. we met up for coffee after 5ish months... and then i ghosted him (again) (having just told him i'd be up for being friends). yeah not a great move morally. still keeps me up at night sometimes.

my partner didn't mind us meeting for coffee today (boyfriends sometimes do apparently). he didn't really show any opinion. he doesn't often, without me begging for it a bit. i ask the question 3 times for a response, you stare vacantly at me, fake an answer, i ask if you're sure. repeat. so yeah - i did miss my ex. i missed connection and a friend and things to talk about. he was always good to talk to. empathy levels off the charts. don't worry, i'm not gonna try and go back to him - i don't want to. i just need friends, and he's a good one. and my relationship isn't as bad as i make it sound lol but my boyfriend does know i'm not happy in it right now.

i did other things today too. i went pottery painting with the art society. one of the things i painted is for my sister. i hope she likes it. no idea if she will though. i got a sports bra from a charity shop (it's really comfy). i got a turtleneck from another charity shop (i've been really wanting one to wear under dresses [summer dresses can be for winter too]). and i got some uniqlo sports leggings from another reallllyyyy good charity shop. very good price (£6!!!!!! in 2023??? crazytown). i've been wanting to try and exercise a bit. for my brain more than for my body.

i should go to bed now. woke up at 10am this morning but now it's 3am. oh i did yoga too!! just felt like it. i have a creaky unused lil conker of a skeleton. she needed stretching wayyyy more than i realised. it was supposed to be relaxing meditation yoga but it make me a bit more stressed bc i couldn't stretch ffs. was fun anyway. it was for me. today was for me. it was taylor swifts birthday too today the swift society had a birthday party lol. it was fun. i made a terrible friendship bracelet with my own name on it. i won a prize. i was first on the kahoot for a bit. i'm not even that much of a swiftie. i think a girl flirted with me a tiny bit there? idk she probably didn't but i hope i'm right. i hope. i have hope right now. today was for me. night night.

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

sometimes, i really wish i didn't live in the bible belt.

i've been atheist my whole life. or at least, once i got old enough to question things instead of just blindly accept what my parents told me. though i was never good at that either, i was one of those kids that had to know things. i never bought into the tooth fairy or easter bunny, and i thought santa was just a game we all played and pretended to believe it. the idea of god felt the same to me, like some thing we were just pretending to believe in

except the grownups (and even some of the kids) actually believed it. so i went along with it, because my mom made me go to church with her, so it wasn't like i had a choice. but it never felt true to me, though i tried to make it feel real

i was 11 when i realized i never would and never could. i had tried to force myself to believe, but it never worked. i knew, deep inside, that there was no higher power. more so, i knew i couldn't keep spending my life living a lie. i knew i'd never be the believer i pretended to be.

and that scared me. not because the idea of hell or anything, but because i'd sat through more than one sermon and heard about how non-believers would burn in hell with the sinners. and my church 'family' seemed to agree. so that let me know that these people who called themselves my friends would be fine with seeing me burn in hell for all eternity, just because i didn't believe in the same invisible man in the sky as them

i didn't even believe in hell, but just imagine that. knowing that the people you've known your whole life believe you deserve to be punished forever for not believing what they believe. i'd already spent my entire life feeling like an outsider (multiple undiagnosed mental illnesses/disorders) so when i realized i could never be what these people wanted me to be, that i would never be able to convince myself to believe, it terrified me.

so much so that i got 'saved' in front of the congregation the next sunday. i pretended to believe as hard as i could. hell, i even wrote fake entries into my diary just in case anyone found it and read it

i was so afraid to admit i didn't believe. but so angry that i had to pretend. so i questioned things and made people uncomfortable. eventually, i had enough and said i was atheist. i was more angry than scared by then, fueled by teenage angst and hormones and the undiagnosed depression/anxiety disorders

in the end, I stopped going to church when my mother stopped forcing me. but the damage had already been done. i'd spent years trying to shove myself into a box i didn't fit it, for people that frankly didn't deserve that kind of sacrifice on my part

and there are still people who hear that i don't believe and judge me. who try to convert me. who think of me as less than them bc i don't believe what they believe.

i don't know why i'm thinking of this today. maybe bc my country is hurtling into evangelical christian fascism and that scares me. but i think growing up like that gave me some low-key religious trauma

and now I'll have to go back to work soon. where i'll have coworkers who ask me about where i go to church, who try to invite me to there's. to students who sometimes ask me questions about religion, and I have to say i'm "not religious" bc if i say i'm an atheist there's a good chance parents will complain about me teaching their child

i've literally heard a coworker being gossiped about and mistrusted bc he's openly atheist. people blatantly admitting they don't want to work with him. so i stay in my lane and stick to myself and try not to engage with these people beyond a professional level

i have to sit in anger, when we're forced to do something like pray in school, something that isn't supposed to be legal. hell, our superintendent makes us all pray with him when we have our yearly meetings

add to that i'm pretty far left when it comes to politics, i'm queer, and neurodivergant i don't feel like there's a place for me here. i live in a very conservative area. i'm talking majority trump fans conservative. but i'm trapped, too poor to escape. and it eats at me sometimes, being around all these people who if they knew me, would condemn me. even if i believe in letting people believe or disbelieve whatever they want and minding my own damn business about it

sometimes, i really wish i didn't live in the bible belt

[doofnoof]

i love following you bc i'll come across some random haha funny post you've reblogged, expand the tags, and find you've written an incredibly engaging essay rant. keep it up i love it and i perceive you(affectionate)

also wtf keeyan

LMAO SORRY I AM. CONSTANTLY TALKING. I'm super glad that you enjoy it though, I often have to trim and cut parts away so that things don't end up as like, an Entire Final College Thesis, but if you enjoy it I promise to scream in your tags forever no matter what :3

Keeyan was annoying but I still laugh about it sometimes, I don't even feel particularly hostile towards him I just hope he someday grows some Taste™ and gets a partner that he mutually loves and respects or smth. In his defense he did ask me to the dance with some bottles of Mtn Dew (with puns on them) and bought me a hoodie (super comfy still wear it), so he wasn't all bad, altho I'd be lying if I didn't have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't try to swing at him for some of the things he said sometimes. Still don't know why he thought I was a Good Straight Girl Nobody Has Asked Out For Some Reason when I was that one kid in English Class sitting with the Other Gay People pointing out the gay subtext in Shakespeare and The Great Gatsby. Dear God Keeyan. We Were All Wearing Pride Pins. Keeyan I Talk Like Peppermint Patty. Keeyan.

[nathank77]

6/23/24

4:20 p.m

I figured when I came downstairs I couldn't be any more dirty than I was so I wore medical gloves and a face mask and cleaned the mouse draw. I threw it outside.

Now i have two mouse boxes... I don't know what to do with all this brand new deodorant and body spray. Idk what to do with the wallets and the one pair of under armour socks. I don't wear long socks but they are too nice to throw them out. My mom got them for me and I just can't. I know she spent a lot of money on them if only they were cuffed at the ankle I could see myself wearing them at some point.

I suppose since the stuff is removed from the fucking nest with some time I can disinfect everything and wash the socks.... I mean I have to do it at my pace given my ocd. I know my bathing suits were in there and they have been washed and placed in the draw with my shorts so I mean I'll deal with it when my brain can cope with it.

I also found some binders and the binders I wore for my surgery-the one in my video post op. I found the top surgery box Cecile made me. It's still in perfect condition and in one of my storage bins which is exactly why I don't regret for a second that I bought those storage bins. I'd never throw that away as well as a lot of other things. I'm wondering why the binder I wore post op isn't in it.

Maybe I had two. I'm going to take it and put it in the top surgery box next time I go up there. She painted it and put all these stickers on it. I'm so thankful for her and for everything she did for me. I even found our old first Christmas ornament. I cannot throw that out. I just can't. Idc if we are exes and we never talk again. Some things just mean too much to me. I found this jar she made me with inspirational qoute to pull out every single day. I'll never throw that away either. It's with my tubs to be nicely wrapped and saved forever. It may be weird to keep things your ex got you but idc. She loved me the way I needed to be loved and I loved her with all my heart. I never loved someone as much as I loved Cecile. Fucking Geminis.

I even kept the crafts me and Katie made for the holidays. We would paint pumpkins and stuff. I packed it in my room in like bubble wrap in boxes I neatly put in my memory storage box. There are just some things I'd never throw out. Years from now I'll never regret saving all the things I listed above.

I even found the photo book Cecile made of us when we were together, you bet your ass that's in my photo albums storage bin.

I wish I could take photos of all of this stuff especially the top surgery box but when I go up there I'm a man on a mission and I just can't help but go. I don't want to touch my phone. I want to organize everything so one day very soon I can go up there and go through the storage bins neatly labeled and organized and just smile about everything that I saved from that attic. So I can read my old journals and look at old pictures.

I even found my first haircut lock of hair in the Jewlry box, box. I saved that too. It's girly but it's one of those things that aren't replaceable. In the jewlry box I found old studded bracelets and stuff. Def a boys Jewlry box the skull ring and shit lol

Speaking of those photo albums I saved, they are from my childhood I wanted to post some pictures of them bc like it was when I got my first BMX bike that I saved up for. I had the helmet lol I was such a boy from my earliest years..it's bewildering to me that my father couldn't see it like my mother did. How he was so shocked by it. One of these days I'm going up there and taking some of those photos. I even found some notes Cecile left me when she would leave the apartment when I got home. I saw an egg with Nate written on and I knew it was her hand writing and it's like imma keep the fucking egg cause she was the only person I dated who loved me exactly the way I needed to be loved and I never loved anyone as much as I loved Cecile. I just wish I didn't hurt her the way I did. I wish I could change it but I'll never throw away our memories. I hate throwing away the Christmas stuff and everything but I don't have room for it. Imma keep the things that are truly memories like the ornament she hand made me. And the photo album and the painting she actually painted for me.

Anyways here is the new mouse project:

The socks:

[feuqueerfire]

The Good Bad Mother Live Blogging

I know of this show because Lee Dohyun is starring in it but I didn't add it to the list bc it seems a little too depressing. But now Lee Dohyun's in the military so nothing new from him for a while but my desire to see him act reignited after his episode in Death's Game, so I decided to see if I'd be interested in any of the shows he's done and this one seems more lighthearted than I expected, like this Youtube edit I saw (even though it'll likely still be fairly heavy at times because I know there's child abuse).

Seems like a beloved show with an actor who is beloved to me, I hope I enjoy it. Besides, not like I thought I'd love 18 Again as much as I did.

Ep 1 (Apr 1)

ahhh cute, the pig proposal

aughhh he's so happy to be a dad, i'm assuming he's gonna die or be so injured that he's at the hospital forever or something? will the fire that this guy warned about be the reason...

Ah fuck, not the fuckers wanting to tear down the farm... will they set the farm on fire and get the husband killed? ever since that guy warmed about a fire, i keep thinking it'll be the cause of this man's death, I even wondered if the torch whatever will have fire that does something lol

agh duh these fuckers are committing arson, as expected

nooooo, not all the fucking villagers having been bought or threatened by the Construction fuckers

and fuckass prosecutor bruhhhh are they gonna kill him or something?

this reminds me of the beginning of Psychopath Diary where things were just piling and piling and piling up and I couldn't do it anymore

they done killed him and framed it as suicide goddamn

she's going to a different village, i see

these villagers are so funny lmfao

ah, the other baby was a girl (as expected because they kept wanting a son too much and it was uncomfortable...), is she gonna be the love interest?

I'm not surprised Mijoo's father turned out to be trash, he wanted a son way too much

Lee Dohyun 1st appearance, hiiii

Mijoo's crush on him is cute

pleaseeee Kangho likes her too hehehe

not at this exact timing pleaseeeeee

nooo the birthday meal

Kangho and Mijoo are so cute man, do they divorce or something later on? Cuz I know Kangho has 2 kids he seemingly played with but was the mother of those kids not in the picture? I vaguely remember that they maybe reconnected or had a happy ending in terms of romance

Ah, and this is where he decided to become somebody who will be cold and powerful

ahhh ewwwww not the parallels but Kangho becoming the terrible shitty corrupt prosecutor T.T and for a Construction company too, nonetheless

omg not A construction company, THE construction company: Woobyuk... girl they killed your dad! the guy you're calling boss, I'm assuming, is the same guy, Song Woo Byuk !! so unless you're doing this to gain his trust and betray him, you're fucked

I think in this show and Psychopath Diary, it's like yes, this much corruption can exist or these terrible things can happen to one person, so the unfortunate circumstances piling up were worse than in A Killer Paradox which had bad circumstances but it was due to accidentally murdering someone (+ some possible supernatural power), which is easier to deal with because it's extremely unlikely.

Very good episode, I'm really engaged and it's a good mix of humour vs tragedy.

Ep 2 (Apr 1)

ewww Kangho nooo, working with Woobyuk Construction and taking bribes like cars and houses T.T and even getting offered to be the dude's son like that man killed your father !! At least he didn't give the phone as evidence though... maybe in the end when he's back to being his old self, he'll use it to take down Woobyuk

Kangho sliiightly suspicious, like is he actually just getting close to Woobyuk to take it down?

he's too happy to be this man's son so I'm like nah he's into this but then he keeps repeating the homerun or strikeout line and didn't give the phone ah

ah you're a shitty father too I'm assuming

Kangho... wouldn't be cheating on Mijoo right? He wouldn't, right? No, right? like I assumed he's a bad husband since he's rejecting her calls but...

why is her mother pretending she's in the US? Are... Kangho and Mijoo not married? I thought the Jouri calling Kangho was her... aren't the kids supposed to be his? Maybe Mijoo got pregnant when they ended things and Kangho doesn't know? Since he apparently never visits the village either?

oh i see, the father is unknown

ouch, Kangho not letting his mother come up to his room when she brought food all the way to Seoul for his birthday

Oh Tae Soo? was that the prosecutor's name from Kangho's father's case or no?

Is that the ballerina girl who had a scuffle with Mijoo?

So this is still in the past right? Kangho for some reason targetted Oh Tae Soo's daughter for drugs, is it because he's Woobyuk Group's enemy? but I thought they worked together?

oh I hate this I am sooooo susceptible to Lee Dohyun being a romantic interest like omg this is not the ship I'm gunning for, where's Mijoo?!

damn, Oh Tae Soo threatening Kangho just like that

ah, she is indeed the ballerina who kicked Mijoo man fuck

also he hasn't broken up with her yet, so has this happened like just a few days ago or what?

ah, Tae Soo betrayed Woobyuk group

pls Kangho's plan to join Woohyuk Group, himself, and the president together by becoming Woohyuk's son and Tae Soo's son in law

but I also don't trust Woobyuk group and Oh Tae Soo to not work together and betray Choi Kangho as well

Is he... gonna fucking kill the mother/baby???? Choi Kangho...

he is so fucking utterly deplorable oh my god Choi Kangho just murdered someone and their baby... like I'm in disbelief... I want to think that he just pretended.... and somehow didn't have the people in the car when he pushed it into the water

oh I see Jouri is the village name lol I forgot and thought it was a nickname for Mijoo lol

Awooga, he wants to be adopted by the Chairman, which means he has to no longer be the son of his mother or what?

Ah, the fucking food thing really got to me like in all these dramas and also IRL, I'm freaking obsessed with food and sharing food between families and significant others and close friends etc, so it was already tragic before when the mother kept telling Kangho to not eat too much/to not be full so that he's not sleepy and the way he didn't have his birthday dinner with his mom the day he got stuck with Mijoo and not accepting the food that his mom brought to Seoul but now her offering him food again and him rejecting it

and finally, the accident

I've realized that the woman who plays Mijoo was also the cop from Strangers From Hell.

Woah, not only is Lee Dohyun the lead in this but the director Shim Na Yeon is also the same director as Beyond Evil.

I already know the kids are Kangho's because of comments on that edit. The biggest question for me now is whether Kangho is double-crossing these powerful people or not, because I don't think he actually murdered that mother and child and maybe he is just biding his time and such.

But idk if we're gonna actually get any of the plot stuff in the next 10? 11? episodes since he's gonna be kid-like

Anyway, so far, they're obviously both unlikeable because although the mother started off kind in ep 1 and is not again kind and pitiful, she abused Kangho throughout his childhood by forbidding him from eating too much or engaging in hobbies or doing anything fun while now Kangho isn't just cutting off his mother (not unreasonable IMO) but also scheming with powerful corrupt people (unreasonable and deplorable if true and not just him biding his time).

Ep 3 (Apr 1)

Ah fuck, the way he doesn't let him eat is actually insane like he has to hide when he's eating food

I was wondering if the accident was intentional, seems like Oh Tae Soo was maybe behind it

omggg the daughter was behind it?! crazyyyy. I was like I don't see how it'd be planned that only he would get hurt but it makes sense if she was in on it

I wonder why she's in on it and for how long? Like did the father tell her that Kangho's using her after he was threatened and that's why? Or was it even before that?

are we gonna have a stalker or something for Mijoo's storyline? I want better for female characters than to be threated with rape and murder fr. Her nail salon is fun, let's continue with that

oh my god it's Samsik the dumbass

So Samsik was tricked into taking that ring or what?

crying at them simultaneously asking each other when Samsik is discharging and when Mijoo is coming back but then being like whelp... back to work

girl this is so fucked up like he forgot such huge chunks of his life but not the mantra of if you're full, you'll be sleepy and if you're sleepy, you can't study.

I did wonder if the woman was gonna run away with the money but they did open the shop and her and Mijoo were working together, so I guessed no... oof

It's a terrible mix of humor and cruelty to once again see Kangho deprived of food "for his own good"

Well, at least he's moving his wrist/hand enough to eat again

Ep 4 (Apr 1)

Bro, I can't be binging the show like this, each ep is 70-80 mins long but I'm obsessed, why is it so good?

the 7 year old twins are sooo funny lmfaooo terrorizing their father like this not that they know the relationship yet

omggg she'd taken out the money from her bankbook that she had for her kids for this nail salon T.T

bruh Mijoo and Kangho are so cute and she's even investing in him and believing in him, is Kangho the one who leaves? After he makes it? I'll be so mad

ah, Woobyuk guy knows that Choi Kangho knows that he killed his dad

oof, Kangho's mother faced with the fact that Kangho took bribes and has harmed innocent people and people protest him

not the kids talking about how their father is a horrifying bastard according to their grandma right to their father Kangho heh

omg this is such a tragic scene when she's losing her mind over Kangho having been a terrible person but also he literally doesn't remember

ahhh Mijoo and Kangho meeting ?!?!?! cried

Lee Dohyun as a male love interest or as a son with a mother-son or father-son relationship being explored always gets me like fr. 18 Again, Death's Game, Good Bad Mother all have bits of both and he's so good at it.

Ep 5 (Apr 1)

losing my mind, Mijoo and Kangho are so cute

oh...he's hiding something from Mijoo? I saw some comments that said that maybe as he was finding more about his father's death and concocting a plan, he decided to leave Mijoo (and his mother although that was already done) so that the enemies don't have something to hurt him with/harm Mijoo to get back at him

oh he even says there's something he wants to do and she says and you must do it on your own? so ig it really is revenge related

"That's it? I thought I'd receive more for devoting myself to making you a prosecutor." frrr agh women supporting their male partners through school and such and then these dudes leaving them once they achieve their dream

ahh her talking like he just used her for cooking, chores and love T.T

omg I just realized the nail thing like Mijoo doing her mother's nails with markers as a child vs properly now

so am I supposed to actually care about/pay attention to this artist mans and whatever he's up to?

plss it'd be hilarious if the yakuza story is true bc someone on the on-air thread was like maybe the mask, funny lady is actually in a gang

why are there so many mentions of the foot-and-mouth disease like farm restrictions and on the TV, is something gonna happen to her farm?

oh yeah Jiwoong was in this for 1 second apparently lol

oof, so Hayoung's father told her that Kangho killed his other woman and child (when in fact he (pretended to?) kill the father's other child lol)

okay as soon as the pig started running and the kids + Kangho started chasing, I was like man what if there's a car crash but at least the singer dude crashed his own car and didn't hurt one of the kids

omg how must Mijoo feel to see Kangho and her kids barelling towards her, she's never seen this happen (it didn't even happen for 7 years)

damn the village president and the mask lady are rich af

anyway, I know the mother apparently dies by the end, so I guess this illness is the beginning of that?

bruhhh that's fr crazy, Woobyuk's men have just been hiding inside the cabinets to protect Kangho?

Omg I think I remember a scene from the edit where Kangho made a mess but was trying to convince his mother that in fact some kidnappers or strange men came and made a mess. I thought it was a funny coverup but seems like the pig thing happened but also the fight between strange men was true loll

Ep 6 (Apr 1)

ah, they're not there to protect Kangho but to find dirt on Oh Tae Soo, which they may assume is with Kangho

not the guard yaoi in the closet (lol!)

do we have to pay attention to that Star tattoo on Oh Tae Soo's man?

What exactly are they looking for the original copy of? Is it to do with Kangho or possibly to do with the case of his father from 35 years ago?

is Kangho's mother going to do something for the mother who was protesting against Kangho in front of the office building?

pls I'm dying at this singer Hoon mans literally making the rounds around this village to meet the former elementary school classmates

omggg not the kids literally being like heh it feels like we're eating dinner as a family, Kangho dad, Mijoo mom

omg the kids also don't like carrots, just like Kangho

"Was I a bad person to Mijoo-ssi too? I hope I wasn't. But I guess I was" alksdfjlaksdfj;laskdfj k;l

omg Young-soon's parents and brother died in a car crash?

stage 4 stomach cancer omg

not the "stand up" like I get that she's doing it because she thinks she won't be here for much longer but he'll have to live on his own but like come on...

Does Mijoo's mother know that Kangho's the father at all?

Ep 7 (Apr 2)

dyinggg these bodyguards actually buying the farm, I’m gonna need them to have a house and a farm and a relationship by the end of this show lmfao

nooo i expected the pig disease but they aren’t even the ones sick, the goats nearby are and so they gotta be culled

oh so Kangho was exposing Woobyuk Group in disguise but as the man said, he was patching it up as well.

ahh Yejin having a breakdown like our dad must be smart and cool and rich and great!!!

omg she really was planning on killing herself with the herbicide and now hanging herself? nooooo

this show is fucking insane omg

also i got impatient and checked and it seems like at least by mid ep 12 his memory is back? he was talking about needing to commit multiple crimes to cover up one crime but by ep 10 he was still child like im supposed to now just go to sleep after that ending?

Ep 8 (Apr 2)

this is actually so fucked up like yes he can’t stand or walk. yay what the ruck, you’re throwing him into the water in the rain to make him try to survive? it kinda bothers me that by the end i guess he’ll fully gain strength and ability in his legs but it could’ve been interesting if they showed that he was never able to walk again or maybe he could stand and walk for short periods of time but still needed his wheelchair. but that would be a focus on disability and this is more concerned with shock and emotion

that letter… what did Kangho know or plan?

omg?! in the memories?

this showwww

Ep 9 (Apr 2)

I’m so excited that we’re getting to see this actually because i was afraid we wouldn’t get answers before man’s memory comes back

ohh the art thing

so he found out about the Ih Tae Soo being in kahoots with Woobyuk after doing a lot of investing

kinda confusing when exactly the timelines are bc it’s like before appointment day, appointment day, his investigations as a prosecutor

also he doesn’t mention Mijoo by name right

i don’t get the yoon jaemin and jongsu thing like what is happening

oh is that woobyuk guy’s grandson

as expected he didn’t kill them

i mean yeah she’s human but the way they’re showing her humanity by her showing the aftermath of her literal and immense abuse like idkkkk i felt like he should have been mad and angry and not so understanding of his own abuse for his entire childhood but ig that’s just what happens when you grow up in an abusive situations like this

what was that at the end? corpse in the water? was the woman in the car the mother of oh tae soo baby? did she kill the boat guy and go back in a car with someone else?

Ep 10 (Apr 2)

makes sense it was a dream cuz it was so over the top

so everything really is burnt. i get her insistence on her no longer being a prosecutor seeking revenge tho

crying at these bodyguard buffoons (but also i thought they’d already gone through the shed and taken the original paternity test document)?

augh setting him up with a woman for marriage while he has no interest in it and seems to not even know what it is fr

losing my mind at lee dohyun’s fave

ah, Kangho’s memories of Mijoo from their teenage years

aw kiss after the same sentence as the hospital

just remembered that the mother thinks Mijoo has a husband in the US

he started calling her mijoo-ya another ssi

sooo done w Samsik and his thieving ways. hope kangho gets him a silly ring

wait she died? also somebody on air said how did the escape plan happen if oh tae soo men were watching and taking pics

ah repeating cycles of abuse and imposing her will onto kangho

oh she told her mom about Kangho being the father

dang what’s mijoo planning on doing? confessing its kangho and her kids?

Ep 11 (Apr 2)

did like 15 mins of work, took a nap and now im back for more episodes

well Mijoo is gonna get Kangho in the end but Hoang! do not worry, i can marry you!

omg Kangho returned bags or presents or whatever to his mother but had the dna test in one of the stitchings and then his mother gave it away which landed in Samsik’s hands

but he’s fr a shameless dumb fucker so idk what he’s gonna done w it

let’s just let this woman die <3 we had kangho saying that his mother actually isn’t a bad person and i was like i’ll let it slide bc she’s i’ll in bed so you’re sympathetic towards her but the way she’s yelling at kangho saying why do you keep ruining his life? oh die fuck you

and while we’re at it let’s also kill samsik he’s learning too much

oof now fuckass Samsik has some important stuff

oh samsik's giving the info to Tae Soo daughter...

lol fool, did he give the original DNA copy?

and just straight up asking for 202 million won

augh, Samsik stresses me out and then even gets kidnapped? Is it Woobyeok group?

ah, Oh Tae Soo's men?

oh, same tattoo as guy who the Woobyuk people chased before. Who is he and why is his identity always hidden?

Ah, Oh Tae Soo thinks that this stuff was recorded because of Woobyuk?

I mean yeah, Hayoung did in fact try to kill Kangho lol

girl where is Samsik, the bodyguard couple saved him but he disappeared or what?

auuu Mijoo and Kangho singing the same song to their children and mother respectively

aww cute Yejin with her nunchi

Is this fire Oh Tae Soo's doing?

okayyy Kangho's memories are back I'm guessing since I already saw a bit that made me think so in ep 12

Ep 12 (Apr 2)

Ah theoretically Samsik lead the Woobyuk guards to the burning farm so I'll forgive him

sorry I'm dead, Kangho leaving the place carrying Samsik on his back is actually crazy lmfao

ah, Mother saying it was her fault that caused the fire so that there's no investigation because Samsik was mentioning strange men and she knows they caused the fire to warn them/Kangho

last 3 eps, so of course things are piling up, including Kangho being arrested under suspicion of murder (the fuckers even said they'd pin Kangho as the father)

ahh he's back

Lee Dohyun looking at the kids

ahh did Kangho think Mijoo was with the other guy and they're his kids? Also just realized I called Kangho Dohyun lmfao beautiful man

Death's Game didn't have Lee Dohyun with kids but this one also does, just like 18 Again ahhh

Mijoo cries just like her younger self did at the hospital after her accident, ah

ah, the car was locked from the inside, so are they gonna have to drop Kangho as suspect? Or not as strongly?

plsss not Mijoo teaming up with Samsik to confront the ex-fiancee on whether she literally drugged Kangho to murder him, even though literally Samsik last time got caught by Oh Tae Soon (her father) and beat up

omg the ep is already done? Just ~110 mins left? wtf already?

The thing is... we're gonna just get that Kangho has always loved his mother (even the We Are Happy song in his day-to-day? c'mon) and never meant any of the mean stuff he did. idk if just sucks that she's been so abusive his whole life, including this time, but we are just going to happy a pretty boy full of sympathy for her because everything wrong happens in her life, which gives her a pass to be a POS I guess? Like I understand why she does the terrible things she does, but there's no catharsis because there are no consequences for her. And I don't even need Kangho to cut her off tbh bc people often don't cut off abusive parents but just... something more.

Also some parts of it were kinda anti-climactic like them each finding out the info the other was hiding, the conversations/script was like hm

also omg the timeline was confusing me but Kangho dated Hayoung for SEVEN years ?! Makes sense since Mijoo saw them at the building when the kids were babies and they got engaged recently. okay acc the kids are like 5 years old international age, so more like they dated 4-5 years but that's still crazy long

Ep 13 (Apr 2)

Ah, the baby is also dead, rip

These police officers are not gonna let this go huh? Which would be good if they were working for our ML lol also I wonder if they really think this happened or if they're just working for Tae Soo

I believe in the bodyguard farmers to betray Woobyuk and help Kangho and live happily with their farm and be married in a couple years

man I was actually liking the Mijoo and her mom convo quite a bit bc again it's a cycle but THEN Mijoo thanking her mother for staying with ther POS father because it allowed her to have a father? girl... it's better to not have a father like that and obvi your mom was Going Through It

woahh everybody sleeping on the floor together, childhood memories fr

Things def happened this ep but feels like more should have happened, rather than like Mijoo & Samsik humourous scenes at the hospital or whatever.

Ep 14 (Apr 3)

ahhh that baby is alive and the mother killed herself to save him

the court scene is very messy but dramatic enough lol

girl whennn are we getting to see the reveal of the kids finding out kangho is the dad

as her death scene was acc sad

dyinggg at Samsik and Hayoung lmfao like i very very briefly wondered when the initial meeting about the dna test happened but obviously that went sideways lol but this is funny

jk doesn’t seem like she likes him back which is not unexpected

yaas my gay farmer ex bodyguards

loll mask lady turning out to be yakuza daughter fr

we never got to see them realize he’s their dad aghhh

It was a fine ending.

Overall:

Lee Dohyun <3 The reason I looked into the show, then I didn't watch it because it seemed to heavy, and now watched it because of Lee Dohyun and heard the show was humourous.

I don't think I've seen Lee Dohyun play a character who is just his own self lmfao In 18 Again, he was his 40-year-old self in his 18 year old body. In Death's Game, he was the original guy in Lee Dohyun's character's body. In The Good Bad Mother here, he is playing that his 35-year-old self has returned to his 7-year-old self.

It was so addictive and entertaining, watched the whole show in like 2 days and 2 hours. Impressed by the acting of Lee Dohyun and the mother and Mijoo's actors.

The show was mostly about the mother and son relationship, with the revenge plot + the Mijoo/Kangho romance arcs in the background.

I deeply wish that Kangho hadn't apparently forever loved and understood his mother and did everything for her and sang her favourite song while studying for the Bar or whatever. Like obviously he went low-contact with her in Seoul even before he discovered the stuff that made him break up with Mijoo, so I think the reasons behind that and the hurt and betrayal that caused him to take such an action should have been focused on more. Like things just kept on going wrong with the mother's life, so we were supposed to feel endless sympathy for her but she abused Kangho greatly. Like he literally didn't eat the first few days because the mantra was stuck in his head, that's so abusive, I just. Why couldn't we have had a middle ground where Kangho gets to actually say and acknowledge that his mother's actions hurt him so, so badly. Like we got fleeting moments of him being angry or her saying she's bad but it was all explained away or he understood or whatever.

Anyway, idk, I think if that relationship was more clear + the ending of the revenge arc was more solid, I would've rated it higher because I did enjoy this but some things bothered me significantly.

Rating: 7/10

[vomitpukey]

Thank god for cheats bc I just bought a used acnl game and if I'd have to keep my town named after fucking nazi shit I'd want to die forever.

No, I don't know how the previous owner got this shit past the in-game censor, but fuck if it ain't making me hella uncomfortable

[janeaustenprotagonist]

dear john,

I still haven't swiped away your missed calls notifications. I've been wearing your clothes since you dropped me at my house. your shirt, hoodie, and underwear; your promise to me. I'm at my friend's now bc I couldn't be alone with myself, I needed someone to be accountable for me bc you're not here to do that for me anymore. I was scared of what I might do...

how can you be so sure? how can you be completely and utterly and wholly sure that it'll be okay? that this is just "a blip" in your words? just a short period of time? just nothing, "it'll be over before you know it." you said you want to look back at this: us, in our own place. you said you want to be like "remember that time I made you cry for hours when I wasn't feeling well?" and you said I'd say "yeah you fucking asshole I cried for a month" and then you'd shake your head, pull me close, then kiss me and then say "what do you want me to make you for dinner?"

you're so incredibly certain that we're gonna be okay. to the point where you pinky promised me, multiple times. you take those incredibly seriously. that this is just a brief moment compared to a lifetime, compared to forever.

you're scared and you're running. you said you're not running but it feels like you are. you promised me you're not running.

I haven't stopped crying in days, since you dropped me off. I feel so selfish crying for myself when you want to hurt yourself, but I can't stop. I don't want to be on social media. I don't want to be on my phone. I don't want to eat, drink, nothing. I want to die. my face is so puffy, my eyes sting, I'm incredibly dehydrated. you're not here to hug me and say it's gonna be okay. you're not here to hold me and wipe my tears. you're not here to make me drink water and eat food. you're not here. and I don't know when or if you will be.

I'm trying to keep my depression in check. before this happened, I had already felt it creeping back. but now? I'm in a full spell. my sunshine, my daylight is gone. the only person who calms my mind is gone. the person I wanted to marry. the person who made me the happiest in life. the person who I would get ivf for to have their children. the person I wanted to grow old with. fuck I love you so much.

when I'm stressed or having a mental breakdown or thinking about you, I cook or bake. last night around 1am, I made deviled eggs. fucking deviled eggs. I even piped the egg mixture back into the eggs like I'm a fucking southern grandma. and I didn't save you any I'm not supposed to anymore.

everytime there's something funny I see, or I laugh with my friends, I look for you so I can see if you're laughing too. but you're not here. I keep seeing funny cat or dog videos I want to send you, but I don't know if I'm allowed.

my heart feels like it's breaking. I think it truly has this time. I know yours is too.

I feel like I'm loosing my best friend. you're my best friend. I want to share my life with you, my everything. you're my everything. I love you more than myself, I love you more than life itself. you make me want to be better, you make me want to take better care of myself.

yesterday, I bought myself a bluey sweatshirt. I wanted to buy you one too, but it's not my place anymore. I wanted to text you and show you, but it's not my place anymore. we love watching bluey together. I remember on our first date, you asked me if I watched bluey and we talked about which characters were our favorite. I remember waking up together at our friend's house that october morning, the night I fell for you. we ordered breakfast and watched bluey together. god, if you'd asked me to marry you then I would've said yes. I still would. I would say yes.

I'm listening to waiting room by phoebe bridgers on repeat right now, have been for about an hour. I remember when I played this song for you in the car.

you said you can't hear any taylor swift songs without thinking of me. you said I'm your gwen stacy, the love of your life.

I fucking love you and it's not fair. it's not fair. I love you so much it hurts. I recall sleepless nights, debating on how to tell you I was in love with you. I didn't want to scare you away. I would say things that meant it without saying it. apparently you knew, apparently you knew the whole time. fuck. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I don't know how I'm going to survive. I don't know how I'm going to stop hurting. I can't call you and tell you I'm crying, you're the reason I'm crying.

I was going to ask you if you wanted to come with me to my mri in march.

I don't want to have to live without you.

I'm trying to see this as just not going out on dates for a little while. I'm trying to see this as just a pause. I'm trying to see this as "it's nothing." I'm trying to see this as you kept saying it is, just a pause but nothing else; just you getting better. I'm having a hard time.

you said you want to move in with me after this, is that true?

-

I don't know how well I'm going to do without you.

love,

your sweet valentine

[moonlightperseus]

You're genuinely making me want to try reading them again so badly give me a sec to like, pull them up for motivation. (93 issues? Insane fam) (also again your comic site is great lmao, like just for instance I just pulled up the first issue of bombshells NO pop-up ads, NO leaving the page. If I'd used mine the second I clicked the search bar I would've been sent to a scam site I had to back space from before it could load, then when I clicked on the actual comic there'd be a 50/50 chance that would happen again, same as when I clicked on the specific issue, and then there would've been a giant pop up over the whole comic that I'd either have to read around or exit and if would send me to another site, or open another tab, and would only be gone for like 2 minutes tops, so again, you're a life saver lmao this is GREAT) 

That all sounds very interesting!!! That's very exciting!!! 

and Barda isn't as BIG as I like my Big Barda, that's a bit of a con for me, but she is still very pretty and I appreciate the mention she deserves to be in a  wlw relationship all the time. (Is there a girl doctor light in DC like normally? That's a genuine question idfk) 

I DO honestly mostly agree everyone needs to love things and it's so exciting. But I started talking about orcas for like 10 seconds and I shit you not the mental health worker said "hey have you heard of Asperger's?" (I also get asked "have you ever thought of being a marine biologist?" And I say "no that sounds really boring" and then I get yelled at) 

I've never been to SeaWorld (or anything of the sort) bit as a kid I BEGGED to go to Marineland so I get it. I, obviously, do not support that anymore. I haven't done anything like that but I want to go to British Columbia SO BAD to go whale watching. All of my writing is set in BC (a place I've NEVER BEEN) just because I long to be by the whales lmao. I NEED to see orcas before I die. I would think it's stupidity. I GENUINELY wonder, if I was like swimming in the ocean and a pod of orcas came up to me, if I would remember y'know, COMMON SENSE and leave the water, or if I'd just be so blinded by love I'd be like !!! Oh my god hey guys!! Hey buddies!!! Wanna play fetch?? Wanna be pet??? Because I'm NOT dumb but I HAVE loved them my entire life so they should just also love me instinctively. 

dude that sounds SO FUN we should become Spies. I can talk about whales forever. My phone case is called like "Canadian whales" or "whales of the Hudson's Bay" (I think it's the former bit it's just belugas and orcas and Canada has more whales than that but The Hudson's Bay doesn't???) But yeah it's covered in whales. I can go ALL day. And with an AUDIENCE of ORCAS THEMSELVES??? 

My mother and brother and an ex-bestfriemd all loved/ liked agents of shield so I get it!! And Peggy!! I love like her style and her everything honestly. I had to do an assignment where I wrote a diary as a solider years ago in school and I drew a portrait of his wife and everyone was like 'thay looks like the girl from captain america" as though that wasn't the point? Why would I draw anyone else?? 

It's volumes, I barely buy issues because they're so delicate and that scares me, but I bought a couple individual issues of SAGA this year as they came out and I think *they* were 4$ each? And as for bombshells, as a direct comparison I'll check mine to tell you bit a) I bought it years ago (proves have gone up since) and b) I just recently reorganized my bookshelves but don't really have space for my comics anymore so I couldn't keep it in alphabetical order and I have literally no idea where bombshells is. 

Okay so it was under a lot of comics and it was very hard to get at and I need to figure out what the fuck to do with my comic collection. But I bought it at Indigo (Canada's main book retailer, essentially our Barnes and Noble) so it sold for normal retail value and it was 22.99$ CAD. I remember it being more expensive? But I also had no job then because it was many years ago so. The most recent one I bought was definitely either 30 or 40$ but it's also like half of the green arrow and black canary run. (apparently the Hardcover Injustice: Góðs Among us year four volume 1 should be 27.99$ and the paperback should be 19.99, but most of my paper back (I don't think that's what they're called in comics?) Are 22.99$ like bombshells. The green arrow and black canary comic was 45.99$ and so is my deluxe rebirth justice league comic that I bought from Dollarama bit again I only paid > 5$ for two of those) 

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​That could be good!! 

That's faid yeah I don't like when they don't that either. It's cool to know it's all cohesive ( unlike how the current BOP started with Dinah talking with Oliver when in current green arrow comics he's "missing" (I won't like spoil the rest that's literally the plot so it's not intrusive if you haven't read them: Dinah's a fairly active character so far if you were interested but obviously it IS a green arrow comic and I always get annoyed when he's the main character) but it IS frustrating (and, if I were buying them as they came out, more expensive I'd think?) 

I didn't even know that it moved!! And I really just know her from Gotham city garage and Injustice 2, so not like,,, canon things) and I love that the three mom's were so important you mentioned it twice thats wonderful I trust that they're very good 

It is now OPEN on my phone so hopefully I'll get to it bit I won't be starting it immediately since I have go work early tomorrow but hopefully that will be SOON and I absolutely will 

Oh dw I will talk about my mental health relentlessly and do not mind when people do it back so you're good. But I actually get that pretty much exactly so maybe it's kind of a common thing? I don't know how I feel about libraries (the last time I went to one was a year ago for my friend and I just read a book on dolphins while he looked for dantes inferno) but the used book thing is a big one. I have issues in thrift stores entirely but my town has a big book sale once a year where it's all just used books and I go every year and buy SO MANY books but I have go wash my hands as soon as I get home and am now too scared to read any of them. (which sucks because one is called the doctor who lived in a house at sea- I love doctors and the sea!! But I cannot touch it) it's good that you made progress!!! Buying them for someone else was a good idea. And I'm glad that made it easier! And tbch I mostly just buy new books, but that's because I'm stupid. I do have an online library app that's wonderful but my old library card expired so I have to go to my local library and ask for a new one but I am scared :( so I just can't listen to audiobooks for free until I do that (or read the books)

I have no idea what kind of books you like but while I had Libby (my library app) I only listened to two and one was Wonderwoman War Bringér, which was honestly really interesting but I do chronically read YA so. And then a book called wild and wicked things that you might like? It's an adult book set after WW2 about witchcraft and lesbians. 

I didn't like the Harley x birds comic just because everyone but Harley seemed incredibly out of character but I do really like the way her relationship with Dinah was essentially just Harley being like !!!!! And Dinah being 😮‍💨 about it the entire time. I want that back. (honestly it's somewhat similar on Injustice too and it's just like bring that back please). I also hope it gets better!!! If worse comes to worst I'll take over and write it myself I can do it. We deserve it. 

That's fair!! Hope you enjoy it!! 

(I only know so many "good time of day" in Gaelic so you have to be reading this at the time I say I don't make the rules, anyway) Madainn Mhath!! 

akalsjg i'm so glad the site is working well for you! and that’s very fair re:big barda. and yeah! dr kimiyo hyoshi exists as dr light in the main continuity too!! according to wikipedia she was introduce during crisis on infinite earths & has even come face to face with the villian who goes by the name dr light.

also like i don’t really know much about working in marine biology but i gotta say from my own personal experience in working in a career related to smth im passionate about (i work in the dog world) definitely has serious drawbacks in that im hitting serious exhaustion and burnout and it feels like my passion itself is kinda burning out. so yeah gotta say totally respect not wanting to go into a career specific to the animal you love.

ajsjdjsjs i did mention bombshells!kara’s three moms (four actually if you count her earth adoptive mother) twice huh. the silliest part is when i mentioned it the second time i even remember. going back and checking if i had mentioned it previously but clearly i didn’t read my own words throughly enough, whoops lmao

yeah supergirl was originally a cbs show for s1 and then i forget the details but it switched over to the cw for s2. thats why supergirl was set on a different earth from the rest of the arrowverse (up until they changed that with their version of crisis on infinite earths and they decided no more multiverse, which really is no fucking fun i love a multiverse)

i haven’t read the new green arrow run but i think i may give it a try bc i do enjoy comics ollie (he’s VERY much preferred to arrow oliver in every possible way ((which is kinda like saying i prefer pizza over a moldy slice of bread))) and i have a friend who’s really into green arrow comics so it could give me smth to talk about with them too.

also yeah!! thrift stores are hard for me too. it took me a long time but i can buy clothes from thrift stores now because they can go directly in the washing machine but anything else is a pretty hard no. i hope this isnt weird to say but its nice to find solidarity/similarity in struggling w/used items.

i actually own a physical copy of wonder woman warbringer!!! i got it as a gift, and then my dog decided to rip the cover of it and made me very upset (he has now been assigned Wonder Woman Hater-he also ripped up some wonder woman stickers i got as a completely separate gift) but yeah i really enjoyed warbringer, wouldve loved it even more if they let alia be diana's love interest instead of that dude who i barely remember (maybe i should reread its been a long time) i will have to add wild and wicked things to my to read list! one of my friend groups just convinced me to start the raven cycle series so i ended up listening to that on my drive to my parents today, i havent formed a solid opinion on it yet but ive been intriuged/enjoying it so far!

you know i actually dont remember if i read the harley x bop run or not. i feel like i probably did but i have no memory of it. alas such is the way my memory works

okay i kinda liveblogged my reading of injustice a little bit which i will put below the cut for you, its a little scattered bc i read a lot in one sitting last night after work and then fell asleep (on the couch lmao) but ive definitely gotten invested in it. but i have to ask, does dinah not come back until injustice 2? (she comes back right? i feel like i definitely remember seeing panels out there of her and other earth ollie). anyways. yeah here are some of my thoughts i had, a bit scattered, i might attempt more coherent thoughts later but i wanted to finally respond to this ask <3

okay i finished year one of injustice and i am continuing to read as i write this reply. i have to say it is by no means my favorite comic series and its a bit frustrating at times however..... the dinah of it all.... yeah. i was also really loving the dinahollie of it all, i did... forget that ollie dies in injustice. didnt know superman literally beat him to death. killing martian manhunter and green arrow really isnt a good look for superman i gotta say.

the hardest thing with reading injustice so far has been the whole wonder woman aspect of it but ive simply chosen to decide that its not really diana. like idk who that is but that is Not My Wonder Woman <3 i simply know her better. it is nice to see some of the other heroes working with superman questioning things and beginning to have Doubts about what superman is doing. (i feel so bad for shazam who is literally a fucking child he should not have to be a part of these horrors.) and im curious to see what reactions will be if/when they find out superman killed ollie bc like, sure he had a justification for killing martian manhunter (he was trying to kill imposter wonder woman) but ollie was just vibing (he... put an arrow in papa kent but papa kent was fine about it! and that was after clark starting attacking ollie) now if i remember correctly injustice brings in like an alternate earth version of ollie? looking forward to when that happens i hate when dinah is sad.

and okay just got to ollie's funeral and damn even hal's staying on superman's side huh. homoerotic friendship means nothing to hal i see. (i dont actually know that much about hal but from my understanding he does have a homoerotic friendship with ollie and i support that)

okay i just got to the beginning of harley & dinahs friendship and oughghghghghghghghghhghghghghg i love them (i had seen pretty much the entire interaction between harley & dinah that i just read previously but it still was so good and wonderful)

okay so its been a minute since the last sentence (more than a minute) i got home from work and literally.... read all of year two and year three. its 1:30am rn and i really need to not start year four but ouugh. year two was very good for me as a dinah fan. year three not so much however year three did have zatanna and i do love zatanna. (coulda been more zatanna in my opinion)

[grey-fuckers-unlimited]

in this instance the dev team have been somewhat open, and what is speculation is based on what other dev teams, and some personal friends, from similar scoped projects have said on their experiences trying to keep an app from failing.

Theyve spent years working an extremely tight ship to keep costs down, but even then the original 'no cost to download and use, no ads, one time payment for what you want to buy on top of the large array of free assets' monetization structure wasn't compatible with the reality of the situation.

Keeping the apps on the relevant stores with updates to keep them stable and secure, updates to add new content, staff salaries and content moderators, and keeping the server everything is stored on running. that all costs money. and people weren't buying the paid assets. and the people who were weren't large in number enough to cover everyone else's rent.

Either the price of assets would have had to sky rocket out of the realm of what you could reasonably expect someone to pay for a low poly 3d model on a phone app (10-15X the current cost is what I think was being thrown around in the discord back when they were switching iOS to the new model, idk how true that is but it feels about right), or they would need to start running ads so frequently the app would be barely usable, or they could offer an optional subscription for advanced features that mostly weren't already part of the app and loop the paid assets into that.

bc like. most of the base app that exists now will still be free to use. the old free assets will still be free and available to everyone. everything bought before the switch stays on your account and there are rewards for having bought those assets far enough before the switch, namely the pro tier free for life. the dev team has bent over backwards to keep things as far out from behind a pay wall they can while still you know, being able to afford their own rent.

i personally will not be comfortable making the call on whether or not I'll be paying for a subscription until the full android release is here and i can dick around in it. There's a trial period id definitely like to give a shot before i pass any actual judgement on the matter. and fortunately, I've already bought basically every asset I'd ever consider using from them in the three or so years I've been using the app and probably qualify for the free pro upgrade a few times over. the operation and content of this blog most likely will not change, it just might not be as high of quality as it could be if i paid the subscription.

addendum I'm too sleep deprived to edit into he post properly: when i was double checking some of the info given here i was reminded there's actually two paid tiers above the free one. the pro tier which is a one time 10$ payment, and the master tier which is the 15$ monthly. paying for the master tier once gives you the pro tier free forever even if you cancel your sub

The dreaded monthly subscription model is coming to the app on Android soon. it's just entered beta. If youve been considering getting into using magic poser now might be a good time to go ahead and download it. All assets bought before the switch to the new subscription model will remain on your account/device after it.