#that i like them and it's judge's fault like everything
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Answers under the cut!
I'd already started thinking about most of this because I want to continue Rook's story past the Veilguard ending. If you are interested to read a one-shot that goes a little into Xiqaa's backstory (tattoos and origin), you can find that here.
I haven't even STARTED on Xi and Emmrich yet but I certainly will. 💚⚡Hints are all throughout Despite Everything.
I'm not using Rook's name a lot in my Rookanis story, to leave room for everyone else to make their own Rook the LI, but I use it liberally below. It's pronounced "Zika" or "Shika" depending on your accent and Xi is pronounced Z by Rook herself.
Xiqaa Rook Laidir
🌻 How old is your Rook? How do they feel about celebrating their birthday? What gift has meant the most to them?
🌻36. She was born a galley slave so she knows her birth year but doesn't care about birthdays. That miiight change if her friends decide to surprise her with gifts or a party - she is learning new things about herself all the time. She got her first piece of leather armor from Fia, someone she was with for a while after she escaped slavery. It wasn't given to her on her birthday, but that was the day she started commemorating her new life, and it is what she considers her birthday.
🪻 What is the most painful injury your Rook has received? How has it affected them once it healed/scarred?
🪻Xiqaa got her lightning from touching an ancient artifact she shouldn't have. (You know, like Rook do.) It was the most painful thing to happen because she injured herself over and over before she learned to control it. She's got lightning scars all over her body, but she's proud of them because she learned a survival lesson and they look bad ass and scary.
🌹 What’s the first genuine fight Rook got in with their love interest about? How was it resolved?
🌹Rook and Lucanis don't really fight, and that's problematic. Both of them tend to internalize the problem as something they did wrong. This does come to a head once in a while, and I haven't worked far enough into their future to see what their first real fight would be. It is pretty far out there, when the two of them have no one else to run interference between their stupid misunderstandings/assumptions and lack of ability to articulate feelings. They obviously haven't resolved this yet, but it's a process, as long as they come back to each other.
🌹Rook and Emmrich fight over his fear of death (kinda); she doesn't believe in letting your fears win, and giving away your fate so easily. She is stubborn about this to a fault. Emmrich is much more open with thoughts and feelings than Lucanis, so there's potential for them to clash over more clearly stated feelings and preferences, but Emmrich is also better at mending situations so it's rare they go to bed angry with the other. They are still working on things. Rook promised not to judge Emmrich so harshly, and Emmrich promised to try and live in the moment more. (Heaven only knows what Lucanis and Emmrich will fight about...I'm really not to that point with them yet.)
🌸 Does your Rook have any siblings or close friends they see as such? Where are they during the events of Veilguard?
🌸 As a former slave, mercenary, and rebellion fighter, she is used to dropping in and out of situations - that's why she trusts and is trusted so quickly, but she didn't allow anyone to get too close. Her closest friend from her early years was a slave named Chek, and when they got to the benches, he showed her how to survive differently. From him, she learned that their masters kept them fighting against each other to prevent them planning rebellions. From Chek she learned to share, to work on a team, and to open up to another person. He escaped before she did, and she found out later he was recaptured. His status is unknown. She's been on her own for a long time, and Varric was the older brother/mentor figure she needed, after Isabela, who showed her that you can let your guard down once in a while. We all know where Varric was during Veilguard.
🌾 If there was a demon trying to trap/take over Rook, what kind would be the most successful? What would break their hold?
🌾 Rook's demon would probably be Pride. She's proud of her ability to survive on her own, and the temptation to never have to ask for help again would be strong. Breaking their hold would require someone else to show her how strength doesn't equate to solitude. Her friends drag her back from that brink all the time, without demons involved.
🌱 Was Rook involved romantically with anyone before Veilguard? What was their partner like? How did the relationship end?
🌱 Rook's first relationship as a free person was Fia, a mage living on Seheron. Fia was bold and swaggering, a fire mage fighting qunari twice her size. Xi was drawn to Fia, wanting to be someone (and be with someone) who looked tough and talked tough, and they had a few flings here and there. It was chaotic; lots of drinking and fighting and fucking. Rook discovered she didn't actually enjoy being with someone who wanted to fight at the drop of a hat, so they just kinda grew apart. It was definitely a situationship of convenience, and Xiqaa left Seheron for Rivain soon after.
🌼 If someone was to ask Spite what Rook smells like, what would he say?
🌼Sea salt and sunshine. For those of us with physical senses, it would be a hot spring afternoon when the plants are blooming; the earthy scent of green things with an indistinct floral background, and a tang of salt like sudden tears.
🌷If Rook needed to get away from their responsibilities for a moment, where would they go? Where is their safe space outside the Lighthouse?
🌷Rook would go to the old Warden fortress on the Rivaini coast to get away from her responsibilities and just watch the world. (She's not really the type to just get away from it all; when she needs to get away she just finds something else from her long list to do.) She has an affinity for open spaces and clear sightlines, and she loves the sound of the ocean. Her safe space, though, is her apartment in the Hall of Lords. She's never had a home before, and she loves having a space of her own. The floor is made of old deck planks and it's her favorite thing about the apartment.
🥀 What figure from Rook’s personal past would be added to the regret prison?
🥀Xiqaa's galley benchmate, Chek, would definitely appear in the regret prison. He was a kind person, and he taught her how to survive differently; less fighting amongst those who were already prisoners, more generosity of heart. He escaped a year before she did, and she always regretted not going with him - she loved him like a brother. Later she found out he'd been recaptured and sent to a magister who used his life force to power their spells, and Xi has always wondered if she could have gone back for him.
🪷 Does your Rook have an irrational phobia? (ie spiders or large man-made objects submerged underwater)
🪷 Rook doesn't have any phobias that she knows of. Her flaw in this regard is that she believes facing your fears makes you stronger, so she's likely to work herself into a terrible state if she discovered a phobia. There's still time to find one, though.
🍀 Has Rook had any near-death experiences? What went through their mind during what they thought was going to be their final moments?
🍀 Rook's life is made of near-death experiences. Mostly she would just close her eyes for a second and think "Well, shit. At least it's on my own terms." The first time living and not just dying free mattered to her, though, was after she found the Veilguard. Fighting for her friends became more than fighting for a cause. She truly hoped to see the next sunrise and discover more life everyday. Since she fell for Lucanis, her fear of dying without telling him how special he is to her is foremost. Also top on that list would be never having her romance with Emmrich bloom into what she envisions they could have.
💐 What is the relationship Rook has with their faction mentor? What was the moment they sent Rook away like?
💐Rook and Isabela have an easy relationship for the most part. Rook prefers the raunchy jokes and tough talk that Isabela uses, so it was easy to make that their shared language. They also share a similar devotion to wealth, doing the right thing, and a disdain for political figureheads. When a well-connected noble double-crossed Rook on their attempt to take an artifact for the Venatori, Isabela wasn't surprised at all. She also wasn't surprised that Rook wasn't sorry for killing the Venatori scum, so temporary exile was pretty much the only solution. Isabela told Rook that she went through something similar (an exile of sorts) in her past, and maybe someday they'd share stories over drinks. Rook was annoyed that politics were stronger than her new allegiances but she just shrugged it off and threw herself into the next job. That upset Isabela more than she let on, so they had some frosty moments when reuniting.
🌺 Is there an object from Rook’s childhood they look back on fondly? (ie a favorite stuffed animal, book, or food)
🌺 It's more like a compensation for not having one, but Rook just likes food. The fancier and more expensive the better. It's not a childhood memory, but a response to not having much when she was younger, and food is comforting as well as an experience with culture.
🌿 Does your Rook have any tattoos? What was the moment when they got them like? If they’re a Crow where is their de Riva brand located? What vallaslin do they have/how did they earn it if they’re Dalish?
🌿Rook has a ton of tattoos, but no vallaslin. She's elvish, and grew up hearing the legends and songs in whispers at night, but she's not Dalish. For her, tattoos they are a way to tell her life story and to choose how she appears to others. She got her first one, a pair of wings, on her shoulder after she escaped from the galleys. It was exciting to her, to have control over her entire body and even the pain meant freedom. She added a rook piece between her breasts after becoming Varric's second in command...it distracts Lucanis and Spite to no end 🤣
🍂 What was it like the first time Rook killed someone? How did they react afterwards?
🍂 Rook's first time killing someone was when she was around twelve years old. Slaves were chosen for the benches based on physical characteristics, but the smaller ones were given a chance to fight their way in. Those not selected would be sold to other houses, usually industrial work like tanning or slaughterhouses. The galley bench meant you had three meals a day and a full shift of sleep, which was an almost-human experience for a slave. A wiry kid thought he could take Xiqaa because she was slender, and he fought with all his strength and cleverness to take her life. She didn't want to kill him, but that was her only choice if she wanted to have any existence that wasn't drudgery, so she did it. She felt anger at him, more than anything else, because she was forced into taking his life. It made her sick, but she wasn't one to give up, even then.
Woe! Rook ask game be upon ye!
🌻 How old is your Rook? How do they feel about celebrating their birthday? What gift has meant the most to them? 🪻 What is the most painful injury your Rook has received? How has it affected them once it healed/scarred? 🌹 What’s the first genuine fight Rook got in with their love interest about? How was it resolved? 🌸 Does your Rook have any siblings or close friends they see as such? Where are they during the events of Veilguard? 🌾 If there was a demon trying to trap/take over Rook, what kind would be the most successful? What would break their hold? 🌱 Was Rook involved romantically with anyone before Veilguard? What was their partner like? How did the relationship end? 🌼 If someone was to ask Spite what Rook smells like, what would he say? 🌷If Rook needed to get away from their responsibilities for a moment, where would they go? Where is their safe space outside the Lighthouse? 🥀 What figure from Rook’s personal past would be added to the regret prison? 🪷 Does your Rook have an irrational phobia? (ie spiders or large man-made objects submerged underwater) 🍀 Has Rook had any near-death experiences? What went through their mind during what they thought was going to be their final moments? 💐 What is the relationship Rook has with their faction mentor? What was the moment they sent Rook away like? 🌺 Is there an object from Rook’s childhood they look back on fondly? (ie a favorite stuffed animal, book, or food) 🌿 Does your Rook have any tattoos? What was the moment when they got them like? If they’re a Crow where is their de Riva brand located? What vallaslin do they have/how did they earn it if they’re Dalish? 🍂 What was it like the first time Rook killed someone? How did they react afterwards?
#ask game#dragon age the veilguard#rook laidir#oc: Xiqaa Laidir#my writing#my rook#lord of fortune rook#lucanis dellamorte#emmrich volkarin#dragon age veilguard
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Just wanted to say the way Icy doesn't just throw Marinessa out of Cloud Tower is so sweet like, the way you write/draw/create Icy is so great because how she can still be 'kinder' in some occasions HITS SO HARD LIKE GAH IT'S SWEET.
(When she's not being petty ofc)
In Marinessa's case - at first it's not just sudden kindness, it's her pettiness lol, like "oh yeah, Bloom would hate that" and "HA, Bloom's own daughter HATES HER! as she deserved!" and also "damn same" - about looking like famous ancestor. Because in my headcanon, Icy looks EXACTLY like Beladonna, only eye color is different. Same for Marinessa, she looks EXACTLY like Bloom, but with different eyes (from both of her grandmoms lol). And of course the fact that the girl is her fan. Yeah.
But yeah, then she starts to like Nessa for who she is, not just because she hates Bloom too.
BUT YEAH, I like writing Icy as not 100% evil bitch. Yeah, she can and will kill, she sees no issue in torturing people, or mass murder, or anything else, if it can help her. But she will die (or kill... more likely) for those she calls family - Darcy and Stormy, and later her children.
She has a hard time showing her softer side, especially as a teenager, to the point that even Darcy and Stormy thought that she may kill them for her goals. Not like in all seriousness thought, but... it was somewhere in their heads and they were kinda afraid of her sometimes. Icy did a great job making herself look like heartless monster.
And Icy prefers actions to words. So, even when Darcy and Stormy had [redacted] [redacted], she didn't abandon them, as they thought she would, instead she found a way to [redacted], and then [redacted].
AND, OKAY, I'M TELLING YOU SOMETHING WITHOUT THE "[REDACTED]" STUFF. Between s2 and s3 the Trix were hiding in the ruins of Darkar's castle, and they made a plan at that time. That one of them will take all the fault, and the other two would have to blame the third one in everything. Like, that only one of them was in charge, only one of them had malicious intents, and she was making the other two to do all this stuff, like, attack the winx, steal Bloom's power, and other stuff, and they were too afraid to tell no, because she would kill them in that case.
All this, so only one of them would get all the punishment, and the other two would be punished less (or woldn't at all) and, once they're free, they would have to help the third one to escape.
WHO that will be? The one the Winx blame more.
Icy always knew, that it's her. She is the leader.
So when they caught after 2nd movie, on the trial she says that she was making darcy and stormy to follow her. And the Winx and the judge believed her. Then Darcy and Stormy were saying the same...
And that's how she got in that prison.
#sudden ask lol#winx#winx club#winx club trix#the trix#trix#icy trix#winx icy#winx club icy#icy winx#winx marinessa#ship kids#winx next gen
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that scene of the vinsmoke siblings saying goodbye to sanji and helping him one by one to get away from different threats has my heart and my soul and my everything and i will cherish it forever thank you very much
#i am going crazy#god i am weak for this arc#moral of the story fuck judge daddy issues are the true villain here#like okay fuck the vinsmoke brothers for what they did but have you considered that#that i like them and it's judge's fault like everything#one piece#black leg sanji#vinsmoke reiju#vinsmoke ichiji#vinsmoke niji#vinsmoke yonji#i still refuse to call sanji a vinsmoke tho they're not his family#HOWEVER redemption arc incoming for the power rangers#whole cake island
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lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety
#to the judge that’s gonna see this case next year and the lawyer that is representing it assuming the state idk how this all works#why has the person to say the least get to go a whole year without consequence? a known criminal who after stealing from me and being#released and again getting arrest now for gang violence or some shit she was let go? she maybe associated to the group that killed that boy#last year. and here i am panicking because im afraid to carry cash. im paranoid that imma go outside and my car will be missing. i’m get#panic attacks when i drive to close to that gym and tired going back but physically cannot get out of my car and i start to cry in the#parking lot. i’m not sitting at work shaking forcing myself not to cry because someone handed me cash and i’m afraid someone is going to#steal my purse again. you think that’s not a big deal and honestly i didn’t think it was until my purse was gone. my cards stolen and used.#my key missing EVERYTHING in my purse GONE. so many things in there plus the purse i had money and all that is stuff i paid for now im out#all that cash i’m out 500$ for a key replacement i stopped feeling safe leaving my house all my non replaceable things gone and everyone#spoke to me like it was my fault and had to stand their crying while adults told me not to use a gym locker ??? but in the same breath telli#telling me this isn’t the first time she’s done this she has a warrant for her arrest she’s known to steal cars i’m the problem and there’s#nothing they can do to help me. so while i cry because all the money i had lost and never got back i had to do ALL the work to call my bank#track where my cards were being spent at call the jpay line she transferred money to look up the person she cashapped money to call the#business she was actively spending money at ask the manger if she is currently there and if they could give the police all the receipts and#video of her there for them to act like the hero’s for my brother and i tracking her down while you all belittled me#FUCK YOU AND FUCK HER i can’t be fucking normal about STUPID mundane shit i’m stuck here shaking and crying and what you tell me later it’s#not a big deal? give me all the content of your car and wallet or purse or backpack take nothing out and see what you’re left with and how m#much you need to spend to drive your car again and to tow your car home let a stranger have all your cards and address and tell me you feel#safe#OH and for the gym to tell me they know about her she used to be an employee there she doesn’t have a membership so they don’t know how she#got in and they can’t help but she did steal from another girl that night and an employee last month and who knows how many more ppl like#that’s convenient you pos sounds like she has friends that still work at the gym and open the back door for her or just let her in that’s#crazy no ? and this is all alleged because when if i lost all these things i can’t speak on what did or didn’t happen that’s some crazy bull#shit anyways the towing company felt bad for me maybe because i hadn’t stopped crying they gave me the key replacement number and told me to#mention he referred me so i could get a discount and the layman felt back for me because when i called him i started to cry and when he told#me the price i cried harder so 500$ was the cheapest but pretty much my whole check#key man*#bad** LET ME FIX TAGS#allegedly all these ppl are privileged kids from a privileged background that grew up in a sheltered community and thing there’s no#consequences to their actions because of the lack of accountability from their parents who willing pay for people to look the other way
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mom may possibly take technology away again so watch out for that.
#she can do that. itll suck so much but ill still be alive at the end#but if it is to roi then im scared. its all my fault because i talk too much.#im so sorry roi im the worst brother ever#its all moms fault#i cant stop thinking about stabbing a knife into her nefk#but i have to appeal to the sympathy still left in her so her twisted logic is softer#'im sad because i love you' 'im taking t away because its the problem of everything if i could disconnect everything i would'#'i dont believe in privacy. i wish you wouldnt always act like I'm invading.'#'i wish you wouldnt isolate yourselves so much.' 'when you're older and im dead you'll wish you talked to me more.'#'im already talking to your dad about taking away your stuff. even if you don't talk to me and hate me for it#you'll be alone and not talking to strangers on the internet. i cant believe you trust them more than your#own family.' years of us shutting you out huh. years of you judging us for everything we do huh. years of yelling huh. years of forcing cha#s to be read and scrolling scrolling through everything even when we sobbed and told you not to huh. wondering why we don't trust you.#every lie i say makes me sick to my stomach. i hate you mother#negative
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.
#so i just finished s1ep2 of the bear (i don't really get it so far but ok)#and there's this scene where the main character calls up his sister and tells her about the mental shit that has been happening with him uk#and like even though this feeling is always there but lile i can't help but feel like my life would have been so much better with a sibling?#like one id have good relationships with uk???#and ik ik found family and forming meaningful relationships outside is an option but like in this capitalistic individualist society? is it?#anyways that's not the point it's that there's always stuff no body in the world would get except people who grow up with you innit?#be it school or hometowns or families and it would have been nice to have someone help me not feel this complete overwhelmness all the time#and without me feeling like im exaggerating or thinking that the person would judge me or having to keep telling everything repeatedly#but then i think would that even matter when I am the one who's the problem and like can't work to form that connection with anyone?????#like i for the life of me cannot share anything beyond the surface level or without making a joke out of it#and it seems funny but i trivialise so much of the fucking shit that happens so obviously no one takes it seriously not their fault right?#and like how fair to my friends that i literally almost always been superficial and lowkey untrue with them in exchange for their honesty???#at this point i feel like i don't even know what i truly feel or truly am because whenever i look back at my past self im like wtf#idk most of the times it just feels like being 'stuck' in a glass container and me not 'letting' anyone in if that makes sense?#ik im being very annoying about it but im just so tierd of feeling like this its been a decade & its way too long to constantly feeling dead#and im so fucking stubborn in my sadness that i won't even go get help after years of crying about wanting it & now finally having resources#it's like this mental block which i can't seem to remove and i feel like even if i do get help ill still be untrue so what's the point!???#yeahhhhh anyways i'll delete this later i don't journal so tumblr will have to make do#vi.txt
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People be wilding, I hate when I ask for some dirty tricks to swindle my brain because therapeutic methods are slow and I would kinda like to do things even before they work, and people just recommend me what is essentially CBT coupled with exposure therapy.
#girl if that worked right here right now i wouldn't be asking you for dirty tricks would i?#like#me: Hello fellow STPD people if i don't follow these very specific steps to ensure that my writing is perfect and 100% accurate#and if i don't redraw every line i draw until it's Right™ and Perfect™ and don't make a bunch of angle guides before that I cannot#write and i cannot draw because if it isn't perfect God will not let me into heaven and also he'll tell everyone that i am a fraud#and a piece of subhuman trash and everyone will mock me forever and see me as weak and wrong and bad and it will be so over#this is not ideal. because sometimes I do not have the time to do the necessary steps but it's either doing them or not doing the activity#at all. I don't like having to do all that shit and frankly it's annoying and irritating and nonsensical but it calms me down and i HAVE#to do it. since this is not ideal i tricked everything by just buying a sketchbook and going 'God cannot see inside this one'#so now i have one specific sketchbook that i can use however and make as many imperfect lines as i want because God can't see it#and if i make a mistake he won't know. and won't tell anyone. this is a bit better but it sucks because everything has to#be contained in that sketchbook and i prefer working digitally. what do?#fellow people with STPD for some fucking reason: You should try drawing without doing any of that : )#like ah yes thanks. yeah totally. i haven't thought of that at all thank you for your wisdom#like listen to me right here right now i am having trouble going outside because i performed the stept i take before writing to#about 60-70 %. Enough to actually guarantee a good result if i were normal but you see i am not and I didn't perform#the steps too 100 % and ever since then I can't shake the feeling that it's all wrong because i fumbled and it's my fault#and now everyone hates me and wants to hurt me and knows that I'm a fraud and I'll never be anything else all because I didn't do it right#all because I didn't do the steps to their full completion. it tormented me until i deleted the whole goddamn thing#and even now it torments me but slightly less. like oooooh I'm sure everyone i know knows and is judging me#and tries to interact with me because they want me to let my guard down so they can hurt me. because I'm insufficient and wrong#but perhaps God has not told strangers so actually i can go outside. because uuuuh I deleted it in time. this makes sense.
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feel like I'm disintegrating
#haven't been sleeping well if at all and have had persistent daily headaches and I can feel my brain melting and I'm so so stupid and#it feels like I'm being watched and judged all of the time and I don't go out as often as I should and I don't believe anyone loves me and#there are times when it eases but then it always comes right back and how was I not supposed to take comfort in it when it's my whole life#and I know everything that's wrong with me or think I do and I know I don't try hard enough and it's all my own fault and I asked for it#and I am such a failure aren't I. I'm doing everything wrong and I don't live a real life and at this rate I never will and my feeling#and saying of which creates a self-fulfilling prophecy so I truly never will and I know ostensibly how to get better and all the buzzwords#but I don't and I know I knowww the onus is on me and it's so annoying to see me fail to heed it time and time again but. I think I gave#up on myself many many years ago and I'm never going to get her back and I can't start again or start over I'm perpetually here#and tethered to them I'm stuck I'm so stuck. I belong to forgetfulness I belong in that moment when you see a face and#wrack your brain trying to think of that girl you once knew's name. I am not here or real at all and nothing I do or am matters#woke up from a violent dream way too early and haven't been able to fall back asleep. sorry for this I don't have anyone safe to talk to#delete later
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Mm
#love it when you fear of being alone but its in your nature to push others away and isolate yourself#and then at one point its like…why try? they obviously have others they are more happy to interact with and you already lost that spark#and you were always just gonna be a stone they past by and your not mad at them for it cause its ur meant to be a pretty rock to keep them-#- and have them want to keep you#i care a lot about you and i wanna know whats going on#but i suck at talking and its no one’s fault but my own. i know this#but it doesn’t make it hurt any less…ya know?#like. was there a reason u didnt tell me? did you think i wouldnt care? even though i begged you for hours not to leave and to keep yourlife#is that like…not worth a little acknowledgement when you leave and come back again? maybe thats a selfish thought#andidk maybe that mutual (diff) hates me but they are still my mutual but when i try to interact i just get ignored? its okay to hate me#i wouldnt judge them if they did. if i did something to upset or hurt them and thats why or just cause they find me annoying. thats fine/gen#but like…idk if you did why do you keep me?#am i irrelevant now? did i build everything up and now im just forgotten? but thats no ones fault but my own but also i cant help but want#to be remembered. to still be worth remembering. ya know?#vent#will delete later#just ugh#need to get shit off me and i dont wanna talk to people about it cause then it seems like i don’t appreciate the people i do have
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tavern talk is great; just completed it. 10/10 would recommend if you want something super chill (i'm going to ramble in the tags so probably spoilers)
#okie i loved the story and how everything was lowkey connected#like the quests at the beginning were mentioned later on#i want to know about the endings though like is there good/bad?#(a quick google search shows there is different endings)#i got a defeated quasar; dead tia and grace but overall success#that's probably mid#i loved tia though she was my fav (well one of them)#tia; caer; jade; baya were probably my favourites#melli was cute; lil detective#oh and voy who doesn't love him#did not like iniko though; which i usually like chaotic characters but they were not it for me#hex and grace were cool but so sad omg#i liked clay until he got super angry about tia like i get it; but it's no ones fault don't have a go at me#oh speaking of being angry#fable; god#they lowkey annoyed me#i liked them; don't get me wrong#i'm not the biggest fan of anxiety-riddled characters; and then they get angry i don't make them a drink after they one-sided shout at me#and everyone is judging me for not making them a drink? guys. it wasn't an official quest. i said don't go or wait or whatever#so not my fault#neil is a stupid name haha; i liked zephir/malachite/kumo but i'm not mad at neil#him and fable are cute though; kinda prefer fable/caer though.... if i was too choose.... just saying#i did feel like it was game though that encouraged charisma over fighting though#i made zephir kill the vamp and felt punished for that; and just making charisma the 'correct' choice for the decisions is boring#i don't know for certain if that^ is the case though; but it has that vibe#also i kinda wish the inkeeper remained mysterious#i liked being an npc/having little ambition but then boom backstory was forced on me and i was an adventurer? ugh#knowing the villain though is fun#also i wish there was more freedom in the drinks#but i understand that would mean 10x more writing
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me, watching germa fight: CAREFUL YONJI DON'T DIE!!!!
my friend: 10 episodes ago you were literally saying you wanted him dead
me: people change
#look i might not support the vinsmokes but#i like them now i changed my mind#except judge ofc but i'm just talking about the sibs#they're funny goofy tbh everything's their dad's fault#they're fucking awful horrible people and i love them#one piece#vinsmoke yonji
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one of the best decisions i've ever made was to stop arguing.
i'd always been an arguer. i was defensive about everything and mindlessly contrary. it wasn't all my fault; i was (and still am) talked down to and patronized a lot, and when you live your life that way, you become kind of a raw nerve and dedicate a lot of energy to trying to prove yourself. someone even told me once, "it's just fun messing with you. you get so upset."
at 23, i was working in an environment where about a half dozen middle aged conservative men were always telling me what to do and explaining things to me. i either argued with them when they said heinous things or stewed about it for hours or even days. and so my new year's resolution one year was simply: no arguing.
it felt a little like defeat at first, like i was no longer standing up for what i believed in, even though no matter how right i was or how much proof i had for my claims, no one had ever been swayed by anything i told them. part of that was because they had no respect for me and didn't take me seriously; the other part was the simple truth that arguments are almost never productive. when someone says something and you immediately reply with, "you're wrong and here's why," a wall goes up and nothing can go over it.
i couldn't just let these men talk at me though, so i started asking questions. not leading questions, not with an intention to prove a point or walk them into a corner. i genuinely wanted to understand how they came to shape the opinions they held. i realized that understanding and agreeing are two different things, and just because i seek to understand doesn't mean i condone.
a truly fascinating thing happened: these men walked into corners all by themselves. it turns out nobody had ever actually tasked them with speaking their opinions aloud to a neutral audience. no one had ever been sincerely curious about them and their views. sure, their loved ones probably asked, "how are you doing?" all the time as a show of affection, but that's much different than, "what do you think?"
knowing what i know now, i think that's true of everyone. how many people ask you for your opinion and listen to what you have to say without speaking their opinion back to you? without judging you? how many people actively and intentionally try to understand you?
it's been over ten years since my resolution and i think i can count the arguments i've gotten into on one hand. one finger, even. it's amazing what happens when someone tries to rile you up, pick a fight with you, and your only response is, "can you elaborate on that?"
you can work someone into a very open and vulnerable state when you ask questions. they eventually run out of their usual talking points and move into the personal. when i do this, it's not like therapy; i'm not trying to help anyone. and it's not like teaching; i'm not trying to educate anyone. i just want to understand how people reach the conclusions they've come to. even after all these years of asking questions and not arguing, it still amazes me how few people in this world feel understood, and how easy it is to get them to open up when you say, "i want to know what you think."
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play pretend ! ₊⟡⋆ nsfw.
the premise of fake dating your best friend, for just a weekend, is hilarous.. and scary. but what happens after is even scarier.. it's just play pretend right?
warnings / includes — sex, heavy fwb themes, bit of angst
shame coated you when you woke up in one of the guest rooms, carefully placed onto the bed at about 3am by no other then jungkook while you were dead hungover. pure rotten shame rests in your cheeks, paints them red when you say bye to his family a few hours later as jungkook couldn't quite even look at you.
everything about him was different. the way he moved around you, the way he avoided looking directly at you. hell, even his voice sounded quieter, less confident, like he didn’t know what to do either.
something had changed him, for the worse.
and it was all your damn fault.
you had thought the car ride would give you both time to defrost, pretend that whatever happened the night earlier did in fact not happen, crack some jokes but to no avail — long, defening silence.
silence and shame don't go well together, the color they create on the canvas of yours, it soaked through you. stayed with you for the next five days, it's the color of the message you send him at 11 pm on saturday, asking him how he was doing.
it's the ugly color of the 'delivered' button that stays there for the following two days.
the dress you wear to the next party is bright, anything to drown out the guilt that was eating you alive.
the music is loud, and so are you. laughing a little too hard, moving a little too close to anyone who shows you attention. you take another sip of whatever is in your cup, the liquid burning its way down your throat but dulling the ache in your chest.
and then there’s him.
you don’t see Jungkook immediately, but you feel him before your eyes catch his across the room. you feel the way the air shifts, the way your stomach churns when you notice the familiar set of his jaw, the way his eyes flicker toward you.
you almost drop your drink.
because it feels like a candid flashback of that night—only now it’s all so different. why did things have to be so complicated?
you’re pressed against some guy you barely know, his lips grazing your neck in a way that should distract you. you’ve been letting it happen, letting him flirt, letting his hands wander because it’s easier than thinking about the mess you left unresolved.
but then there’s jungkook. he stands on the other side, the neon light painting his face; his look wasn't judging. maybe light disappointment but more observing then anything, really. and it reminded you of how you used to stare at him whenever he was going after various girls at these exact sorts of parties.
it makes you sick, makes the unfamilar hands on your body feel foul and uninviting, it's not the fire burning through you like it had that night, it's cold ice, slowly creeping through your veins, making it's way to your brain.
said ice whispers things you don't want to hear, reminds you of things you don't want to think about.
"fuck, i think i like you."
you run of upstairs to the nearest balcony, the house was familar one of your mutual friends', this place was where you used to play spin the damn bottle in high school. now it feels haunted, just as univiting as the guy's hands felt a few minutes ago, why did everything feel so distant now? first jungkook, now everything else. why was it so consuming?
you light up a cigarette, you didn't usually smoke but you wanted to feel that fire again, the warmth, the pure need from a week ago. you regreted not having fucked the guy because you were sure he could've made you forget for longer then this cig could.
“thought I might find you here,” he says behind you, kneeling next to you yet keeping a safe distance, his voice low and cautious.
"you shouldn't have," you respond coldly, because anger is a better emotion to feel then regret and you had plenty things to be frustrated about, "you've been avoiding me for a whole week, don't pretend like you give a fuck." you don't meet his eyes, just take another drag.
but you see him flinch in the corner of your eye. great, the guilt sits in you once again.
he shifts slightly, and you can feel the tension radiating off him , “i know I’ve been a jerk, but it’s not that simple—”
“then make it simple.” your voice is sharper than you intended, but the hurt has festered for too long. you finally turn to face him, “i need to know what you want. because this? whatever this is? it’s fucking misery.”
the words hang heavily in the air, and for a moment, silence stretches between you. jungkook looks like he’s grappling with his thoughts, the tension in his body palpable. then, slowly, he closes the distance between you, his eyes softening as he cups your face in his hands.
“can I kiss you?” he asks, his voice a whisper, as if the question itself is laced with vulnerability.
you nod, and the moment your lips touch, it’s like everything else fades away. the kiss starts soft, gentle, as if he’s savoring the moment, and you can feel your heart begin to race.
it's nothing like the previous fire you had wished to experience earlier, it's delicate warming sunlight, brushing over your skin, washing away the hideous color that had built over the last few days.
“friends with benefits,” he murmurs against your lips, his breath hot and sweet. “we get to have this-” he kisses you again, slow and lingering, “—without the pressure of expectations.”
“expectations?” you echo, your mind racing as you try to process his words.
“yeah,” he replies, his lips brushing against yours, each touch sending shivers down your spine. “we can enjoy each other without worrying about where it’s going. just... pure fun.” his hands toy with the hem of your dress, before returning your gaze.
time slips quick, it all feels so raw, so different from that night yet all so much better.
his hands grip your thighs, pulling you closer, driving deep inside you with a primal urgency. you can feel the way he fills you, stretching you perfectly. you're so glad you aren't drunk, that you'll remember this in the morning and the day after.
you claw at his back, nails digging in, urging him on, needing more, wanting all of him. and he curses, runs his mouth like the talkative brat you knew he always was, degrades you one second, tentatively kisses your cheeks the next.
his hands rest on your tighs as he kisses along your clit once again, sweet, real. taunts you 'for the mess you made on your friend's coach' but he doesn't give you time to feel guilty, just starts nuzzling his face back into your pussy, licking along.
no, jungkook will never make you feel the same guilt again. you're sure of it, well — not that you could really properly think under these conditions anyway.
#bts fic#bts x reader#jungkook#bangtan fic#bangtan x reader#jungkook fic#jungkook imagine#jungkook smut#bangtan x you#bts jungkook#jeon jungkook x reader#jungkook x reader#jungkook x you#jungkook x y/n#bts fluff#bts smut#bts fanfiction#bts fanfic#bts x y/n#bts x fem!reader#bangtan smut#bangtan fanfic#🐈⬛✧˖° play pretend! verse
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Rotates swap au Wickerbottom in my head. Gotta love old women trapped in self imposed cycles of pain and regret
#rat rambles#shes been running on a thread for a long time but damn if the woodie incident didnt fucking wreck her#just when she was starting to find a bit more security and hope it all went to shit and Im not saying it was entirely her fault but.#it uh kind of was lol#like yeah she didnt know that things would go this wrong but yknow maybe it wouldnt have ruined her life as horribly as it did if she was a#bit more upfront abt what she was doing and didnt run away from the concequences of her actions immediatley afterwards#she had her reasons to act so secretly but they werent anywhere near a good reason to experiment on someone without consent#she and woodie get on slightly better terms later on in the constant but only slightly#its much more woodie tollerating her than forgiving her#and wicker does have things shes actually mad at him for but she doesnt feel she has the right to berate him#its a very uneasy aliance that mostly just rests on neither of them wanting the other dead despite everything#hey being with the rest of the survivors does kinda force wicker to actually get her shit together a lil#shes still not perfect but she also recognises that she has to at least try to do more than make herself feel more miserable day to day#she may not feel she deserves to escape this hell but the others do especially the kids so if for nothing else she at least feels obligated#to keep supporting them#she and wx also have some potentially interesting stuff with how they both fucked up someone they cared abt in irreversable ways#wx is desperate to shed themself of guilt while wicker violently clings to it#its wicker being stuck in a state of 'I can fix them' while also knowing that she cant rly judge or help them without being a hypocrite#idk exactly what I wanna do with them yet but I do wanna do smth since it has the potential I think#anyways time to shower
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City Pigeons Bleed Green - Part 24
masterpost
“We should make H— Jason spend some time in here,” Danny said. He was good with the rest of the name now, but he still struggled with with Jason. He was trying. “He could use the reason to relax.”
“I do not believe that Todd is capable of relaxing,” Damian said with a little frown and Danny was pretty sure meant Damian was uncertain, but other people tended to think that it meant Damian was judging them.
“Sure he can. He makes a great pillow too,” Danny said. He leaned over and bumped his shoulders against Damian’s. “Totally bet if you just just sat down and leaned against him, he wouldn’t do anything.”
“Tch.”
“Okay, sure, half of that would be because he’d be too shocked, but really. He’s secretly a cuddler but, like, in a totally different way than Dick. Jason is more like Cass is.”
Damian’s brows were knitted together, but he gave a considering little nod at that.
Danny was glad that Damian went through the door to the hall first. He wasn’t sure when it had happened, exactly, but being out of the apartment now felt wrong and bad and… scary. Danny knew that had delayed them taking him to the Manor and was making some of them anxious, but Danny just couldn’t… it was hard to shake, even if everywhere they went had been safe.
“How were the kittens, Dandelion?” Jason asked. He was leaning against one wall and Lacey stood next to him, looking at something on her phone.
“Pointy,” Danny said with a little smile, “and very cute.”
“We are going to go see the dogs now instead,” Damian said.
“Okay,” Lacey said with a smile. “Your brother and I were talking about what might work for you. I think we have a few options, but I actually have someone in mind for you to meet first of the bunch. She might not work at all but… I have a hunch.”
“As ludicrous as it sounds, Ms. Lacey’s hunches do often play out,” Damian said. “Which dog are we going to see?”
“You haven’t met her yet. She just came here from another shelter because the last one didn’t have the space for her. Before that she was out in the suburbs where she had been adopted, but she kept trying to herd all the other animals and children. They got her from a shelter where she had been surrendered by her owners because they moved to a new apartment that wouldn’t let a dog like her in.”
Danny frown grew as Lacey talked. “Oh, wow… she’s been through a lot of homes, hasn’t she?”
“She has, and it’s really not her fault. She’s only a year and a half old, so she’s still a bit of a puppy and will need training, but she’s a real sweetheart and I think she just needs the right person to love her back.” Lacey paused in front of a door and opened it to some sort of waiting room. “Now, she is a large dog, so I’ll keep her on a harness when I bring him in and you let me know when you’re comfortable for her to come close, okay?”
“Okay,” Danny agreed. He knew he had told Damian not small, but he was suddenly a little concerned by how large was large.
Jason must have been able to tell, because he led Danny over to the small couch to sit down with him while Damian scooted the chair he chose closer to Danny’s open side.
Very, was the answer to how large was large a few minutes later when Lacey brought in a huge dog. The bright red harness barely visible through the mass of black fur that seemed to stand straight out from the dog in a massive mane.
“Okay, come on girl, down,” Lacey said, drawing out the words.
When the large, deep black eyes turned to her, she pointed purposefully at the ground. The dog huffed and settled on the floor looking like some avant guard throw pillow. She snuffed curiously at the group and shuffled forward a few inches on her belly before peering up at Lacey to see if she was noticed.
“Stay. Like I said, still a puppy,” Lacey said fondly.
“What breeds do we suspect she is?” Damian asked.
“She’s definitely a large part chow,” Lacey answered. “She has the black mouth and everything. We’re guessing black lab maybe as some of the rest or some other sporting dog. From those breeds, and her behavior so far, she’s going to be loyal and protective. She will need to be exercised as specially at this age she’ll have a lot of energy, but I know you have the yard to let her run. Fetch or retrieval games will be great stimulation for her and walks can probably be kept pretty short, but I know that Damian could help you train her. Do you want to come over here and let her smell your hand? Or we could just let her settle in and wander the room.”
“I’ll, um…” Danny trailed off as he moved to sit down on the ground at Jason’s feet. He leaned forward and offered his hand, stretching out as far as he could.
The mass of fluff crept forward a few inches, then a few more, and the last few to where she was close enough to sniff at Danny’s hand. The curly tail started to wag before the dog gave Danny’s hand a lick.
A small smile lit up Danny’s face. “Oh, you’re just a big fluffy sweetheart, aren’t you?”
“She really is. She gives me the biggest puppy dog eyes every time someone passes her and doesn’t give her attention. She really wants nothing more than to be with people or other pets and part of a family,” Lacey said.
Danny watched the dog snuff at Danny’s hand before he decided that it was probably okay to move forward a little more so that he could pet the dog. His fingers sank into the thick black fur and the curly tail started to wag.
“She’s kinda like a big teddy bear,” Danny said, completely missing the look that Damian and Jason exchanged behind his back at that statement.
“Chows are like that.,” Lacey agreed. “They get a bad rep because they can be really protective of their owners, so if she’s the dog you go with, you will need to work on socializing her. Taking her to the dog park or things like that would be a good step.”
“It will help that there is such a large amount of family and acquaintances coming and going from the manor,” Damian added. “But if she is the dog that will be yours, we can easily set up a plan for socialization.”
“I, um, I’ve never adopted a pet before. How do I know if she’s the right one?” Danny asked.
“Seeing if you get a long is a good start. With a big dog like her, I think you should walk him a little and play some. We can try some tricks too and see how she listens to you,” Lacey said. “We have a two week trial window where if you think she’s the right dog, she’ll go home with you and you can see how it all works out. If it doesn’t, she comes back here no issues.”
Danny took in a calming breath and let it out. “Okay, let’s see how it goes.”
The dog was a lot. There was no doubt about that what with her size, but she did seem very eager to listen. She apparently walked very well with Danny, even if that was almost sandwiched up against Danny’s side between him and the road. It reminded him of how Jason always walked, as if guarding Danny from the world.
There back at the shelter now. Danny buried his fingers in the dog’s thick fur, ruffling it idly.
“What do you guys think?” he asked his brothers.
“I think that she will be a loyal dog for you,” Damian said, “and that training her may also be beneficial for you.”
“That,” Jason said, “and that she likes you already just like you like her already. I think the only real question is what’s her name going to be?”
Danny looked down at the almost bottomless seeming brown eyes that were staring adoringly back up at him. “Ursa. Her name’s Ursa.”
-
Ursa took to the Manor immediately— or at least took next to being by Danny’s side in the manor. His bed seemed much smaller with her laying next to him, but he had a feeling it he woke up that night with a nightmare that it wouldn’t last long.
His fingers tightened in her mane as he took a breath and hit send on the text message to Babs.
Her name is Jasmine Fenton.
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📌 day three: exhibitionism + aizawa shouta
aizawa keeps you at arm's length.
teacher assistant's especially you, that are much younger than him are recipes for trouble and ua, despite its reputation as the best hero school all over japan isn't strict about colleagues being in a relationship. romance is hard enough to find outside when your job demands you to nurture future heroes that will soon be the pillar the country.
he may have just judged you too soon that you are like the previous assistants that attempted to seduced his fellow teachers and him. you were like nothing of the sort. too focused on the more things that needed to be taken care of and desperate to get that reference to be put in your resumé and the experience.
and the worst of scrutinizing you is he's the one who's slowly doing the things that a teacher shouldn't have. he's having unnatural thoughts of you. no matter of keeping the things professional and doing each other's assigned work, you creep on his mind. his stares are no longer innocent and would wander. thinking how soft you must be under your clothing. the stockings doing their purpose of covering your legs but it doesn't do justice to hide the fullness of them and the blouse you wore, it was delightfully sinful. everything about you screams of domesticity.
your voice is polite as you asked him where to put the recently acquired files. in which he only responds with a gruff. pointing at the cabinet where should it be placed and his eyes known for its function to his quirk can't deny to tear away his gaze at your thick thighs doubling in size as you crouch to place it.
confined spaces isn't a place he's comfortable with. not with you besides him. quietly staring at numbers of elevator changing as it descends to get to the floor where a conference is being held. he keeps his gaze straight at the door when he can see himself in a suit. the sight of it makes him itch and he's already wanting to get back to his sleep and you will be there. waiting for him. shit. he curses to himself. the slacks are already bad news and from how tight it was, it will show. he's blatantly disrespecting you from the way he thinks about you.
“aizawa-sensei, you should keep your thoughts silent. it's loud.” you say to him and he froze. “you forgot i can read minds.” he studies your expression. you weren't angry but he can see the swirls in those eyes of yours being plagued with the lines of betrayal and worry. his words are stuck on his throat. he can only stare at you with those black irises of his.
“it's fine. you should have just told me.” you offered him a small shy smile. “aizawa-sensei, can i?” he swallows and his expression remain neutral but his elevated heartbeat tells you another story. your palming him in his trousers. his erection growing the more you touch him. “it's okay, you can touch me, too.” and he snakes his arm around you. grabbing your ass and it was wrong to casually touch you like this when it's his fault for not being able to keep it in his pants. giving up in the temptation. the form being taken by you.
he's hot in your palm. throbbing in your touch, his cock coated with your spit seems to grow more and is attentive to the ministrations you were doing. it's getting bigger, cum beading on the tip and it made happy that your sensei is lusting over you. seems like ages ago that you were a mere fangirl of the underground hero and now, he's putty in your touch.
you grasp firmly his length. assessing his reactions and when you get the huffs and his hips bucking for more friction, you squeeze his cock before pumping it with your hand. you didn't mind that you were doing it in a elevator with the risk of being caught but you love the thrill of it, however it's not the same to him. you know how he hates doing something in public and you consider it to finish your job done.
it's pulsing, the sound of shlick as you jerk him off and the small puffs of breath he's exhaling. a brief kiss is exchanged before going back for more. just a little longer. swiping the slit of his cock with your thumb and speeding up your pace and with a groan. he cums in your hand. cursing silently at the mess he made.
the elevator dings, signalling that you two have both arrived at the floor where a press conference is being held. none of you spoke a word, keeping it a secret of what happened and it leaves a dull ache to your heart that it will be probably the last but how wrong of you to say that.
“(y/n)? had you seen aizawa?” midnight asked you. “n-no.” you stammer before hiding your moan with a cough. she seems satisfied with your answer before leaving the room. twirling the pen between your fingers before a shaky moan escapes your lips. the pen falls in the cool surface as you gripped the corners of your desk.
your tugged the man's hair below your desk. feasting on your fat cunt with your creamy thighs wrapped around his head. “aizawa-sensei.” you call him. your thighs quivering, a sign of your impending orgasm and with a silent scream you came on his mouth. his face surfaces between your thighs. licking the corners of his mouth before emerging. that was close but you two didn't care. it was a new thing that was happening between too.
aizawa's more than happy. who knew he did like fucking you all over the school with a chance of being caught.
#♱ ⋮ shai's works⸝⸝#chubby reader#boku no academia#boku no hero academia#bnha x chubby reader#bnha smut#anime smut#aizawa shouta#mha aizawa#bnha aizawa#aizawa x reader#bnha x reader#eraserhead
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