#that hes gone longer before talking about how a specific case does something to him. angry and
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oh bruce................ :(
#do you ever think about how bruce has a running character trait of being suicidal and actively self harming and how its laughed off#how he refuses to eat or rest because of his own guilt and thinking he doesn't deserve/hasnt earned it#or that its selfish because who knows what hes missing if he does take a few hours to sleep or indulges in not. literally starving himself.#like its an eating disorder but in a way most people dont think. it isnt cosmetics but its thinking he hasnt earned it#and just self care/having his basic needs fulfilled is selfish so it becomes tied in with his guilt and self loathing#anyways. this is brought to you by bruce being told he hasnt slept & ate in 4 days and he dismisses it#that hes gone longer before talking about how a specific case does something to him. angry and#frustrated at himself he isnt stopping a murderer but instead just chasing a blood trail#alfred pushed for him to have something to eat but bruce immediately left it again#and like. oh bruce.#your self destructive ways and openly being suicidal and hating yourself has unfortunately#stolen my heart and makes me want to cry everytime i think about it for too long.........#they will NEVER make me hate you batman...
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Real True Law Stories
This is heavily-paraphrased because 1) it happened a while back, and the conversations were longer and involved a lot more of me going "no! no! augh," and 2) the case was not actually about Ale-8 bottles, but its actual focus was similarly-specific, which would have made it really easy to look up.
Dad: Can you value a collection of old Ale-8 bottles for me, honey?
Me: ...possibly, but I'm not going to. Is this a blasting case again? Did someone's designated used Ale-8 bottle shelf fall over?
Dad: No, they got stolen. He had this shed or big closet or something totally full of collectible Ale-8 bottles, he's got all these insurance photos, he'd had them appraised by the national Ale-8 bottle expert -
Mom: Dear...
Dad: No, he's definitely really upset about these lost Ale-8 bottles! He's traumatized! Do you think I don't deal with liars? ...He thinks his estranged drug-addict relative stole the Ale-8 bottles.
Me: No. That did not happen.
Mom: That's probably not what happened, dear.
Dad: Drug addicts steal stuff all the time, what is this -
Me: Dad, no, this is fucking logistically -
Dad: - don't, I'm telling the story, stop it - "logistically" -
Me: A drug addict would not steal and hock a huge collection of Ale-8 bottles! They're heavy and fragile and that's a ridiculous specialist hobby, logistically it'd be way too -
Mom: The bottles were definitely stolen, dear?
Me: Why wouldn't you just steal, like, the TV? Or the car or whatever?! You don't steal the Ale-8 bottles!
Dad: They were stolen! He was gone! He'd had a fight with this person, he couldn't get back into the house for a while, he came back and the bottles were gone, he was heartbroken!
Me: No! You don't steal the collection of Ale-8 bottles, that's not what you steal!
Dad: No, they knew he really liked these bottles, it was revenge or something? Seriously, he keeps asking me why I can't make the police go and arrest this person and find out where they put the bottles, he's really angry! He misses his bottles.
Mom: *sigh* Okay, dear. So the Ale-8 bottles were stolen and insurance won't cover them.
Dad, to Me: So you're going to try and value the Ale-8 bottle collection for me. It'll be easy.
Me: I am not.
Dad: He has a spreadsheet.
Me: No. - You said he already had it appraised!
Mom: Before the Ale-8 bottle heist...
Dad: He did! I mean. There's this guy who writes Ale-8 bottle valuation books, he lives - somewhere, and the client knows him over, I guess, an Ale-8 bottle club? Ale-8 bottle mailing list? On the internet. - and he came on this road trip to just look at these Ale-8 bottles in the guy's shed or closet! Does that make sense?
Me: If this is an actual collecting hobby that other people engage in, and not a scam - if Ale-8 bottle collecting is something that's real - then yes, that's normal if you've got a valuable collection, I guess? How much did he say all these Ale-8 bottles were worth, is this even a sane case to be taking if he's telling the truth?
Dad: [a very large number]
Mom, who has been quietly thinking about this while we do our manzai routine: Well, there are definitely other Ale-8 bottle collectors, honey. [name] likes them, I think?... That seems awfully high. He had them in a shed? Like a garden shed?
Dad: I've seen the book! He showed me the Ale-8 bottle book! It was a shed or a garage or a side room or something. They weren't outside.
Me: If what you're trying to figure out is whether this guy and the appraiser are for real, I'd just... look around online and make sure there are actually people buying and selling these things, and talking about them to the extent he says there are, I guess?
Mom: If there's a real community and a real buyer base.
Dad: The Ale-8 bottle book had numbers in it, like values.
Me: The numbers don't mean anything if his buddy wrote the book and if they're the only two people who care about Ale-8 bottles!
Dad: You know, you're awfully suspicious of these Ale-8 bottles...
Me: It's a completely ridiculous story. - You're suspicious of them, too! That's why you even asked me to value Ale-8 bottles!
Dad: You're just not a trusting person. You're paranoid. You know, I trust all my clients completely -
*My Ale-8-bottle-related-outrage HP drops too low and I die.*
Mom: No. What she's saying is that their book value -
Dad: Yeah, that's the word, their book value! Like a Kelley Blue Book value for a car, that's what this other guy does, he does the Blue Book for the bottles. So all I have to do is show the insurance company the Kelley Bottle Book, right?
Mom: No.
Dad: It's fine! The insurance company will be completely cooperative. What are they going to complain about, it's right there in the book.
Mom: Does the book reflect the market values of the bottles? The street values? Are these the prices that people pay on eBay or wherever when they're buying the bottles?
Dad: I don't know.
Mom: Are they the prices he paid for them?
Dad: I don't know. Probably.
*I finish my corpse-run and resurrect.*
Me: There's got to be an actual market for there to be market prices. People who buy the things and have opinions about how much they're worth and stuff.
Dad: Can you research that for me, honey? Research the Ale-8 bottle market?
Me: I'm not going to do that. You have [name] in the office, right? You are paying her money to do this stuff for you, correct?
Dad: You never want to help me. Help me research Ale-8 bottles. I don't know why my daughters never help me.
Mom: And then you have to prove all this stuff to the judge and jury. Will they believe that Ale-8 bottles are worth anything?
Me: Please show us how you will emotionally convince the jury that these Ale-8 bottles are worth money. Make it sound like you're really sad about the loss of the valuable Ale-8 bottle collection.
Dad: Nnnno! *laughs* Oh, my god, they're such bullshit! They're these little bottles! And he had zillions of them! He must have some sort of trauma in his past, I'm going to ask [Psychiatrist Who Acts As An Expert Witness In PTSD Cases] to examine him... - Well, this is some southern thing, like the little toy stock cars that guy had. I don't know, maybe a southern jury will buy it?
Me: Say that "a jury of your peers" means "a jury of Ale-8 bottle collectors."
Mom: Yeah, hope you get a collector on the jury or on the bench.
*- several months later -*
Dad: So do you want to hear what happened at court the other day? With my Ale-8 bottle guy?
Me: You're going to tell me about the Ale-8 bottle guy regardless. Did it turn out to be insurance fraud?
Dad: No, actually! - well, I don't know. "A reasonable doubt for a reasonable price!"
Mom: Dear.
Dad: So obviously the insurance guys are like, "this is bullshit! It's bullshit! Ale-8 bottles aren't worth anything, the whole thing is bullshit!" And I'm like, okay, well. And they don't want to go to mediation, and they give us this lowball number to settle, and, obviously, no.
Dad: So we go in front of Judge [X] the other day, and I'm like, *solemn expression* "Judge. My client has had his extremely valuable Ale-8 bottle collection stolen, and his insurance will not pay for it even though he had it personally appraised by The Ale-8 Bottle Man."
Me: Who is his buddy and who may well be artificially inflating the prices of stuff he and his friends have a lot of, sure.
Dad: You don't know that!
Mom: And opposing counsel said…?
Dad: So, [Other Lawyer], he got up there and he was like, "Well, Judge, I mean. Ale-8 bottles, right? They're Ale-8 bottles." And they start - but then the judge goes, "Actually. I wanted to say, I was looking over the documents in this case. And, well, I've got a bit of a collection myself - I've got the - 1492 Foofrall-something Bottle and a mint-condition Bluh-buh-buh Bottle, and" and then he just sits there and lists all these Ale-8 bottles he's got for like, several minutes.
Me: Is this a joke. Did this actually happen.
Dad: It happened! It did happen!
Me: Mom!
Mom: I know, dear. It happened. He is not making this up.
Dad: So I get out of there and I go over and talk to opposing counsel, and just! The looks on their faces! They looked so defeated.
Me: They've got to be really suspicious of you right now.
Mom: "Is this why he took the case? Did he know?"
Dad: No! I had no idea! I was just as flabbergasted as they are, I've never heard him - okay, did you know this terrible fact about Judge [X]? Did you know he was one of them? The Bottlers?
Mom: I did not know this. I knew that he golfed.
Dad: So, long story short, I kind of think that this case is going to settle?
Mom: Unless the bottles are just in his basement, and he posts a picture of them to his Facebook without thinking.
Dad: Huh?
Mom: Like your other guy.
Dad: Those weren't bottles.
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may i present to you, a rant that no one asked for about the bond between annie cresta & mrs. everdeen:
so awhile ago i had sent in an ask to @the-sun-and-the-sea talking about the implied friendship that forms between annie & mrs. everdeen post-war. now that i'm no longer just a lurker on here, i wanted to delve into my thoughts on this friendship because it is one that is sooo interesting to me and one that is hardly brought up in the fandom !!
to start, mrs. everdeen is a character that i wholeheartedly believe does not get the recognition she deserves. i mean, she leaves nearly everything about the only life she had ever known to start a new life with the man she fell in love with and have two children with him only for him to die tragically, leaving her with these two young girls who need her more than anything, but her own mind becomes a prison, keeping her locked away from being the mother that katniss and prim need her to be??? or idk maybe i just have a knack for loving the grieving widowed characters in media for some reason. anyway, i digress. her story, in a way, goes hand in hand with annie's story.
now, as we know, suzanne collins' mind is an incredibly intricate and complex place so i don't think that her specifically choosing district four to be where mrs. everdeen ends up was a coincidence. which just alludes to the fact that she has now become this personified cautionary tale for annie. since she's a doctor and she's familiar with the victors by being an extension of katniss, i'm just going to assume that she was one of finnick's doctors when he was in and out of the hospital. and that she became annie's doctor after she was rescued from the capitol. i'm also just going to go ahead and assume that if this was the case, she would've remained as annie's doctor once she found out she was pregnant. this could very well be implied to have contributed to her moving to d4 and helping to build a hospital there.
annie's story is honestly just as equally familiar and unfamiliar to us as mrs. everdeen's is. we don't know how her and finnick's relationship began or what the details of her games are or what her personality was like before her games or how she grieved after finnick was gone. but with this implication of mrs. everdeen moving to annie's home district, i can only imagine that she offered a great deal of support to her. mrs. everdeen met this woman who had just endured something so insanely traumatic and was there to offer her help and witness her heal with the happiness of her new marriage, only for her to end up on the same exact path as she herself had been on for the past seven (??) years: a widowed mother with a mind who only ever seemed to experience grief.
we don't know anything about what the weeks and months were like for annie after finnick's death. but to me, it is perfectly rational to view this as a period of time where she was so shut down from wanting help from anyone and everyone and felt entirely unsure of how she was going to raise a child in this state of mind. and it wasn't until she started to talk with mrs. everdeen, who had been enduring her own grief of losing her youngest daughter, that she found someone who finally understood. someone who didn't make her feel like she was crazy for being unwilling to do anything but lay in bed and stare at the ceiling. someone who didn't view her as the Mad Girl who was now the Pregnant Mad Girl Whose Husband is Dead, but rather as an incredibly strong individual who had to fight against the enemy of her own head. someone who offered her a shoulder to cry on rather than a judgemental stare. no one could replace prim for mrs. everdeen and no one could replace annie's mother or mags in annie's case. but after all of the hardships that they had both faced up until that point, they had a shared understanding of how they could never truly move on from their grief. but they would continue on and live their lives to the best of their abilities for themselves, their children, and those they had lost.
alas, the similarities do not end there, my friends. katniss constantly talks about how much her father loved being out in nature so the wicked sense of irony of him dying so far away from that nature he loved so much is just heartbreaking. and who else do we know of that died in a place so far underground and so far away from the element of nature that he had been surrounded by his whole life?? bing, bing, bing, you guessed it! finnick odair! there's one line toward the beginning of hunger games that has always stood out to me: "it reminds me of the mines and my father, trapped, unable to reach sunlight, buried forever in darkness." replace mines with sewer and my father with finnick and boom, you've got the exact events of page 312 in mockingjay. and, of course, i can't forget the obvious-- an explosion was involved in both of their deaths. so this again just adds to my point earlier of how it feels a little too eerily similar that these four characters all share some level of commonalities for it to have been a coincidence.
anyway, not really sure what the point of me rambling about all of this was. i guess to see if anyone else has ever put that much thought into it?? or am i just looking way too far into something that's not as connected as i think it is?? idk, let me know your thoughts if you have anything to add because i could talk about this forever and ever and ever !!!
#i have put way too much thought into this i'm fully aware of that#but it is literally all i can think about whenever katniss talks about her mom#idk i just feel like these two would be widowed besties#and i just know finnick and mr. everdeen are best buds in the afterlife#annie cresta#mrs. everdeen#thg#headcanon#rant#thg headcanons#finnick odair#mr. everdeen
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Just finished the Jabberwock chapter.... there's so many questions (and possible theories) but rn I just wanted to talk about how Hyde mentioned the ghouls who were worried about MC - for Vagastrom, in jpn he specifically says "a certain someone from Vagastrom" rather than "one or two" and I'm willing to bet it's definitely Sho, since Hyde is the one mentioning it, and soon after he says he wasn't supposed to say that, I can imagine Sho giving him the stink eye to not let anyone know about it lol. Also right after this I got a campus event where Sho almost runs over MC on his bike because she wasn't looking where she was going while watching out for some croc anomalies(?) and he gets mad (worried) telling her what's the point if she's dead and points out where she has to keep an eye out on. I love him Your Honor....
We don't know too much about Hyde yet, but from that last conversation I wonder if having his own younger brother be a ghoul contributed in his empathy towards them ("in the end they're just young boys on the inside") or if he always felt that way. I wonder why exactly he wants humans and anomalies to get along, because while the idea itself might sound nice and peaceful, at the same time it sounds like something a villain with "good intentions" would say too lol. Hyde final boss?
Also rip MC who has to deal with Taiga next chapter lol. After fun times with the Jabberwock kids it's back to treading on thin ice (or glass shards in this case)
Cleaning out all the TDB asks before the new chapter drops at 1 am my time (_ _ )⊹ ࣪ ˖ I am so tired friends
Hyde vs Crowley, who is more likely to be a final boss. My money is on Crowley but Hyde do be looking like Gojo and we all know how my girl felt about the school board.
I swear we must have the same game anon because I literally had just read that school moment before you sent this ask. MC is trying to be aware of zipper crocs, which as a side note: each of the boys cards has a corresponding warding card of the same rarity. The higher rarity warding cards seem to be based off of moments in the story or aspects unique to the character while the SR and R cards are based off anomalous creatures. You get the corresponding SR warding card for your first boy in that joke of a pull they have you do in the tutorial, and the Zipper Croc is Tohma's.
The way Sho speaks to her in that moment (╥﹏╥) the way he's so concerned. Angry even that she's not taking care of herself, because "what good will that excuse be if you die?" I love him so much. And because of that I keep thinking about how guilty he has got to feel about almost letting her die in Book 2. You think he wakes up in the middle of the night to stare at his ceiling because he's thinking about how her mangled body would look staring up at him in judgement if he had just gone along with Leo's plan a little bit more than he did? Do you think that he's eventually going to snap if he keeps hearing Leo talk about MC like she's expendable because the longer he spends time with her the more real she becomes to him? You ever think about Sho looking at her while she's occupied with something else and not paying attention to him and realizing that his time with her has a very real time limit and that she's going to die in a year, however much of which has already passed?
You ever think about an MC who maybe jokes off offhandedly about helping him out now since she won't always be around and him loosing it just a bit because he doesn't want to even think about that even a little. Because I have been oh have I been
I wasn't expecting to like Hyde as much as I do. Don't get me wrong he seems extremely irresponsible, but he clearly loves his brother and his students, which makes him at least ok in my book. If I had to guess I would say Sho being a ghoul probably does have something to do with him being more understanding of the ghouls and their predicament. He has a unique insight into it that the other professors don't, but it could also be that he wants anomalies and humans to get along because through his own research he's seen how important anomalous creatures like the Kraken are to the world and he wants people to have a more respectful attitude towards that. I can't see him doing anything to harm Sho, so if the school ends up being the bad guy I think he'll be our ally.
Well not physically harm anyway... Oooooooh "a certain someone from Vagastrom" that was so fucking Sho. And Hyde so said that to be cheeky about it because he thinks it's cute that his little brother has got a little crush ¬‿¬ no it's ok Shohei, big brother won't tell! He pinky swears! Hyde would be such an annoyingly supportive wing man for his little brother if he'd just let him, if Sho has any classes he shares with the MC he so ends up assigned to a group with her on "accident" more than once. It makes a degree of sense too, I think Alan probably would trust that everything is all right and if it's note he will hear about it, if not from the school than from Tohma. Leo probably thought the whole thing was MC's fault anyway but Sho? He had to be so worried about MC and feel so trapped. It's not like he was going to get permission from Alan to go looking for her, and with Leo being Leo it's not like he really had anyone to turn to about his worries but Hyde, who was definitely supposed to be sworn to secrecy.
I am actually more worried about Romeo and Ritsu at this point than Taiga. Like don't get me wrong, that boy ain't right but I can handle someone being a bit homicidal.
Ritsu is easily the cuntiest out of the freshmen about MC at the intro ceremony and Romeo is willing to take MC in for the bounty dead or alive. I feel like this whole book is a bit of a trip, MC about to be kidnapped by a mob boss fr
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Success Stories ʕ´•ᴥ•`ʔ
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My posts on success stories seem to do well anyways, so here's so more to help motivate you. :')
Revising that my dog didn't run away: this one is more of a tear jerker. So I have a little Pomeranian dog, and for the time being he was being kept outside because we were doing house remodeling that had wood dust and other chemicals in the air that would be bad for him- so I thought keeping him outside would be safe. My dad decided to let him out of his closed area, and for a while my dog was just having fun running around! I decided to take a nap and just relax for the day since I had to do some writing earlier lol. Anyways, after I woke up, it was already late and around 6-7 pm, my dad walks in and he goes "is the dog in here?" while bursting in my room, and I said "no." and he just kinda scrambled off. My gut feeling just KNEW something was up, and I felt like shit for a good few seconds. I decided to try revising in case of the worst case scenario happening - having some more context, our house is literally next to a busy open street, if our dog got loose the chances of him being run over were extremely high. So anyways, after I "revised" (i simply stated "i have nothing to worry about, my dog is safe and in his house that he has outside), I just persisted. Throughout the day my parents and sisters avoided talking about my "missing" dog because they knew if I heard that he was gone, id have a meltdown. However they are not good at whispering or keeping secrets, so whenever i overheard them talking I would just affirm and remained calm. At around 10pm, my sister comes in my room annoyed ASF and this was the interaction:
Sis: do you know what just happened?
Me: Huh?
Sis: Oh...sorry we didn't tell you, *recaps what I just said*.
Me: the dogs missing?!
Sis: no, my dad went to go check in the dogs house and he was in there! He was inside of a hole where there were light cables ...blah blah blah.
So in conclusion for this story: by persisting that my dog never escaped and was in his house the whole time, he was. Simple.
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Having desired fanfictions written: this is more of a funny one that I do but just noticed that I do it. Whenever I join a fandom and absolutely drool over a character, i always want specific fanfictions written for them that don't exist when I join the fandom. So I'm always like "damn it'd be nice to have a fanfiction that does x" and then usually a few hours later a fanfiction with EXACTLY what I wanted is posted. Granted - they sometimes aren't written that well but regardless...they exist 😏🤞
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Remember how I was struggling with feeling pretty? I started using Slade's Incarnated sub to help. For the first few nights I looped that bad boy on repeat all night, and yeah the results were great! My acne faded and I lost tummy fat, and overall I felt so much prettier. For extra context I had some meltdowns before this (three to be exact) where I looked at myself in the mirror and burst into tears because I felt ugly. Now, after reading Slade's description for the sub, I realized that one of the benefits was sorta listed like: this sub works by also you not needing to overused it- which made me stop using it completely for one night. That night that I stopped using it, I woke up with some of the clearest skin I've had in a while and also longer lashes blah blah blah... basically how Slade said the sub would work. It's been a few days where I've done this and I've noticed that the results from the sub seem to be multiplying very well, I've started to feel even better by the day about how I feel and I know what I wanna look like etc. etc. I also used to have an awful neck hump cus of my shitty posture, and now it's basically gone!! My back so smooth now and my posture is also getting better lol dw.
All in all, ive gotten prettier both internally and externally, and i am so happy about it!
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#manifest#manifestation#manifesting#affirmations#affirmyourreality#self concept#loa#affirm and persist#law of the universe#void state#sucess#success stories#success story#loa success
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Clinging too much to the Mask
Or Miles' is neglecting his civilian life for his hero one.
Something I love about Across the Spider-verse, is that no one is truly evil, but that doesn't justify their actions. Likewise, the heroes aren't perfect, in some cases they actively need to work to own their mistakes, and in others, they need to learn a more simple lesson.
I think this last one can apply to Miles. Because while he is doing his best, I feel the story tries to point out that despite "balancing" his double life, he may be prioritizing one over the other.
We get to see this before we properly get to see Miles, who instead of being in this meeting-
He is going around the city.
Not gonna lie, in my first viewing, I felt Rio and Jeff needed to cut Miles some slack; like sure they were being kind of harsh because they didn't know what was going on, but Miles was truly trying hard!
However, the more I rewatched the movie, and the more I keep looking at certain things, the more I realized that Miles' parents are being WAY nicer about all of this than other parents I had seen, and also, that even if you have the context he is not handling this very well.
Let's start with this scene, shall we?
So, Rio and Jeff want to talk about university opportunities and scholarships, which I feel is a bit early for a fifteen-year-old, but if he wants to get into the best Physics program in the nation, I guess it makes sense needing to start early. I am assuming Miles had at least mention wanting to do big things; which is of course what his parents want because they know what he is capable of; so I wouldn't be surprised if they arranged this meeting SPECIFICALLY because Miles set his future on this.
But regardless if it was Miles's idea or his parents, the fact on the matter is this: he should be here.
Because let's remember, he isn't skipping this meeting because the Spot or a villain with a bigger profile was causing a ruckus, we saw him slinging around the city as if he was strolling, and when he goes to get the Spot, he first does this:
I know Spider-man is known for witty remarks and Miles is definitely not an anomaly on that front, but you cannot tell me he didn't explicitly want a patty and it just so happens to have a bad guy in the place; he may have not grabbed himself hasn't the Spot not being there but I bet he would have gone to this shop ruckus or not.
Even if that wasn't the case, he is already late for the meeting; but he still took his time to patrol the city for, as far as we can tell, no real reason besides just checking around.
I get that he is Spider-man and has responsibilities with the city, but when Miles has an important meeting to be in, and he decides just swinging across the city is more important than being there; we have to admit that this is a problem.
And the longer we spend in 1610 the more that shows.
This monologue feels like it can be unrelated, at first.
Miles doing the Spider-man presentation makes sense; it has been established in this franchise as a device to present the characters, so having him update on his spidey-situation while following the trope presentation they had done before it's perfect to match the tone of the first movie.
But I am also a firm defender of "weaponize tropes to press further the message of the story" and I think having Miles do this presentation can support how much emphasis he puts on his hero life.
Last time during the first movie, he did his own spidey-presentation at the end, but he also talked about finishing his essay, and doing art with his dad. In this one, we only get mentions of things related to being Spider-man, you can argue that including his uncle on the recap may also be involved because he died just in the time he was becoming Spider-man.
(This is also to remind the audience of this plot point for the ending but shhh we are focussing on other things here.)
This is nothing new for Spidey-people, Gwen the more repressed she is the more she clings to her duty, which only makes her repress more and makes the cycle continue. Peter B was okay with the idea of staying behind even if it meant dying, and let's be real here, part of the reason he was okay with it was that dying as a spider-man is an idea he made peace with years ago, but confronting MJ about what happened was scarier.
This also happened in the first movie.
This is before they know they may die if they stay, however, you have to admit is a tad unsettling that after being told "You will need to destroy your only way to get home," everyone IMMEDIATELY says they will do it.
Forget being superheroes, no one has any doubts? Any fears of how long it would take to go back home, if at all?
Peni and Gwen worry me especially because I know why those two may just prefer to ditch their home dimensions for a good while (Gwen because she already lost her Peter, was in a flaky relationship with her dad, and probably was neglecting other people too. Peni if you had read some of her comics is not that surprising, heck I want to get her out of that dimension myself.)
I could go on, because I don't think we had seen a Spidey person in this franchise who isn't putting way too much emphasis on their hero identity; but you get the idea. This is a common problem.
And Miles is no different.
When we go to the Party for his dad (something his mom reminded him of before he bolted out to capture the Spot,) we see that the Party is in full swing. Music is in, people had already started digging in the food, and kids are playing.
Look, growing up my family had parties like this, fairly often growing up. This one is to celebrate Captain Morales obviously, but I had been at family reunions that are easily this size.
Considering the size and for who is the Party, I am surprised they didn't call him non-stop when he didn't show up to help put everything up (because I am having a hard time believing he wouldn't be expected to help to put everything,) it was already late when the first person showed up, so by this point, this is beyond lateness.
And where he is at?
JUST NOW he is picking up the cake, AS SPIDERMAN.
Miles, mijo ¿Qué estás haciendo? Para este punto de la partida yo ya estaría haciendo mi testamento.
(Trans: Miles, son, what are you doing? By this point I would be doing my will.)
Ok jokes aside, I don't know what's more unbelievable, that he is just now getting the cake, or that he is doing it in the Spidey costume.
This tells us EXACTLY what he was doing before coming up to pick this cake.
Last time we see him, he told his dad he didn't believe The Spot would come back, which means he didn't exactly think there was any danger. Nothing in the movie shows or tells us there was another big emergency he didn't need to attend to, either; and it has CLEARLY been a few hours since that moment since the lightning has changed.
Don't tell me he came in with his Spidey suit to get a better deal or something, the woman clearly doesn't care about it; and even then, at any moment he seems to find a way to change just so he can move around the city more easily.
Not to mention that while he was trying to come to the Party, this happened.
In case you need to make sure what's happening, since this moment happens in a few seconds during Jeff speech; because someone was stealing shoes (with a guard who is clearly not giving a shit,) he sent a web to stop him.
And rather than just, going on with his day, he stops to sign some autographs and pics, to the point someone else thinks the taxi is waiting for a new client, which the guy obviously accepts.
Honestly, once this moment clicked for me I feel a little dumb to not realize that this is actually a thing Miles needs to confront about himself and not just the natural back and forth that is expected with this life.
And you can see it in other things too.
Miles isn't a loner, or at least he wasn't one in Into the Spider-verse.
I remember that when I saw the movie the contrast surprised me, like many other people, I had grown up with plenty Peter Parker adaptations, where he is most of the time, a nerd that deals with bullying to some degree. Even with Miles being his own character, I was surprised that at least in his old school and neighborhood, he not only has friends, he is basically a popular kid.
Now in ATSV? That seems to have gone away.
Is such a small detail in both movies, but it still shocks me every time I think about it hard enough.
Miles had tons of friends, or at least people he definitely got along with; people who said that miss him and such. Even if we never hear a name from him; look at the people greeting him at the beginning at ITSV, go to see the movie and see how much Miles scrolls on his contact list; there is no way in hell he wasn't close to some of these people.
But all of them seem to have gone away by this movie, not only did neither of his parents think of asking about anyone in the neighborhood, Miles himself only scratches the names of his spidey-friends. This either means Rio and Jeff know enough of the people in the neighborhood to be aware Miles is not going out with any of them; or the relationships had deteriorated enough that neither party even thinks of the possibility of being with any of them.
That's...that's a lot.
Look, I am not going to say Miles changing school wouldn't affect his previous friendships, I know exactly how that works.
But in ITSV, Miles said it himself, he still lives here, none of them look like they live too far to be impossible to hang out with; and despite that, the only friend he seems to have is Genki; who aside from being his rommie, is the only person he has that knows his secret.
Which is probably, the only reason they are close enough for Miles's parents to know about him.
To top it all off, this shows that Miles isn't exactly shy, he may have not been fitting too well with his classmates at first but it has been over a year, and he should have been able to make more friends. If he wanted to.
And is not the only thing suffering.
I am not sure if the joke is that Miles is trying to soften the blow and the teacher is telling on him, or, that he legit forgot the number of classes. Considering it was obvious the woman was going to know and had no incentive in hiding this from his parents; I am inclined to believe Miles actually forgot how many classes he lost.
Considering how spidey emergencies work, 6 classes isn't that big of a thing, assuming this is the only class he has lost classes on. Knowing how the hero gig works you could expect more, but for my own sanity I will pretend it has been only these.
There is a big chance he missed those classes for really, bad situations where he needed to be there. However, we aren't actually sure; and considering the direction this movie is going, it is very feasible he may be messing around a few times.
And look, Miles grades are freaking amazing; seriously I was doing a lot worse in school without any hero business involved. But even if he obviously puts some level of priority in his studies, you can see that this is a struggling battle.
Not to mention the elephant in the room, that is the fact that the reason we know he is working so hard to have good grades, is because he wants to go to Princeton University.
Miles can't give the exact reason as to why in this scene, but this is really all we need to hear:
I really don't need to explain myself further, but because I already had the image at hand from something else, here it is.
The only not related to Spider-man is that he is somewhat prioritizing, and has to do more to see the other Spiders than his actual future.
I think this becomes more obvious when you remember that as smart as he is with Physics, in the first movie he wasn't really interested; despite what he knew he was trying to fumble that class like the rest of them, trying to quit. The only thing he seemed passionate about was his art, which is the other class that he is doing amazingly.
I had seen people argue Miles' dream will probably be related to art, if it wasn't because seeing the other spiders has become even more important than that, deciding to try to get into the best Physics Program in the country just to see if he has a chance to meet them again. That's a lot of time, effort, and work; and is not even about him or what he wants to do for the rest of his life.
In a way, this movie comes to a conclusion about it, but I think I want to talk more about that when we focus on Miles' parents.
Thank you for reading, hope this gives you guys some perspective about Miles; I feel I don't see a lot of people picking up on this, which is a shame since I feel the story with his family gains a deeper layer by having both parties struggling in their own areas.
#miles morales#atsv#across the spiderverse#rio morales#jeff morales#atsv files#spiderman across the spiderverse
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The Promised Day - Part 2
Man, I meant to get the rest of this written up sooner, but I’ve started a new job and it’s tiring. I wanna talk about the final boss so badly, though, because Atlus has personally attacked me again, so here we go.
We ascend to the top of the stairs, where we arrive at the shrine to humanity’s desire for the end. It’s kind of beautiful, actually, even if I don’t know if the mosaics are meant to mean anything.
But now we finally get to see our final foe.
He’s really cool. The upgraded graphics really emphasize all the glowing details and colors.
Yukari calls him Ryoji, and he responds that he almost misses the name he used to be called. But now he’s not even the harbinger of the Fall. He says there’s no longer a distinction between Nyx and himself.
Not sure I believe that, considering he admits to missing his name and he still recognizes us.
...so… I get the logic behind re-translating things to make them more accurate and stuff. But something as iconic as the final boss’s speech? Especially when all you’ve really done is reword it to make it more… grandiose? Like, before, it was simple and to the point.
“What people fear most, what they try to ignore… that is what I am.”
He's not some villain that needs to be dramatic. Sure, calling himself “wretched” proves that it’s definitely still Ryoji in there and he’s definitely still upset about this, but I dunno. He’s always been Death. He didn’t ‘become’ it; he’s just changed forms. And somehow, the idea that he’s still that much of himself right now, rather than being almost entirely overwritten by Nyx’s will… I don’t think I like that as much?? It doesn’t fit.
It’s like how the movie handled the reveal in December. Was him oneshotting everyone’s personas while hovering in front of the full moon cool as hell? Yes. But does it suit his character to pull out the “Don’t worry, I’m not going to kill you” monologue? Not really. Ryoji’s not like that. Passing out on the bridge while apologizing for what he is fits his character a lot more.
Either way, we might be afraid, but we have to do this.
……maybe hitting the Reaper with Armageddon twice was a bad idea. Because these first rounds have been… not very hard. Level 90 Minato and level 86ish everyone else is a little too much. X’D
It still took time, though. We had to fight through twelve rounds, after all. But now it’s time for the Death Arcana.
Heeee~<3
…again, why change lines like this when you’re basically just making them a frillier version of the same thing. “It matters not who you are. Death awaits you.” There was nothing wrong with that?? Spend your time on other things. X’D
I do absolutely love how the final Arcana adds the watching eyes and the red veins. It’s so cool. My boy is so good.
So they’ve given the Avatar a new almighty attack called “Apocalypse” that takes everyone down to 1% of their HP, which had the potential to be a LOT worse if he’d used it during one of the sections where he was getting 3 or 4 turns in a row. I don’t know if I just got lucky with having time to heal, but it wasn’t actually that scary after the first time.
It’s got a world-cracking animation that makes me think of Armageddon, though, so that’s cool.
And the animation for Night Queen is awesome! He summons all the Arcana cards for it. ^_^
But… they’ve taken away Moonless Gown.
It’s not even that he didn’t use it. It’s just gone entirely. The spell I specifically associate with Ryoji.
I guess they thought it made the boss too hard? But… it’s the final boss. You’re fighting Death Incarnate at the end of the world. It SHOULD be hard. I was looking forward to having to claw my way through this fight to the bitter end. But it wasn’t really bitter at all.
...there was a point I could have used Armageddon to end it, and didn’t, just because I wanted to keep going and see what happened.
I know I keep making fun of Atlus for the whole “core P3 experience” thing, but in this case, I DID want the core P3 experience, and I didn’t get it. So I’m actually disappointed. X’D
Nope, sorry Mitsuru.
The moon is coming to kill us, whether we like it or not.
People on the streets are being freed from their coffins, and are beginning to panic and collapse into lesser shadows. It’s mayhem.
Takaya manages to stagger to the roof and laugh about how great this all is, right before crushing gravity smashes all of us to the ground. No one can move; no one can do anything, and Minato is blacking out.
...thanks.
Igor tells Minato that it’s time to draw on all the bonds we’ve forged and harness their strength. I do not have all my social links maxed, so I suppose it’s lucky that I still have enough power. X’D
Igor also says he never dreamed of seeing this card with his own eyes, so… yeah. This is a one-of-a-kind miracle.
And on that note, I like, “No miracle is beyond your reach” better. X’D
The elevator reaches its destination, the doors open to a blaze of light, and like I said last time, I like the movie’s element of summoning Messiah as a fusion on the rooftop a lot better. Feels more climactic. But Minato pushes himself to his feet, pushes forward, and goes to confront Nyx on his own.
The inside of Nyx is trippy as hell, and leads to the core, which is a big glowing egg.
She tries to kill Minato with an ability that is literally just “death”, but Minato keeps one HP and takes a swing at her. His teammates all chime in to give him strength, even Shinji, and not only does he return to full health, but he can no longer be hit by the death spell at all. It does nothing to him.
And thus we come to the endgame.
I’ve always liked the gameplay representation of the Great Seal. The fact that it costs exactly how much health you have. The fact that you’re not casting it through a persona, you’re drawing entirely from yourself, empowered by your ultimate arcana. The fact that this is your only option, after attacking directly proves useless.
And from a story perspective, it hurts. It hurts so much to see this boy who had nothing gain friends, family, a life that he loves… and he has to give it all up to keep the people he cares for safe.
Makes you wonder if Philemon knew what it would take, when he blessed his chosen one with the Wild Card this time.
I could go on about that sort of thing for a while, so we’ll just leave it at that, with the casting of the Great Seal.
All that’s left is the ending, now. And yeah. I really like the Avatar fight, but I expected it to be a lot harder. So I am, somehow, both content and disappointed.
It’s an interesting feeling. XD
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Ok I’m gonna shoot my question here while you are in a analysis red hood mode (??): what do you think about his mommy issues (and fandom’s making it a trope)?
ooooo oh ok ok. this ones touchy. while i dont think its that present in canon i do think its there and worth the however many fics there are about it. like obvi theres probably a lot of boring and/or bad takes about it but the concept itself isnt running contradictory to canon or anything. i reread aditf a bit for this and had some tangents ill put in another post, but back to mommy issues.
jason had very little parental presence in his life at all. dads in prison, moms sick, he has no one looking out for him. probably why he and bruce seem to have bonded fairly quickly and jason accepted him as a father figure faster than any of the others. jasons bar for what makes a decent parent was nonexistent bc hed never really had someone dedicated to taking care of him. (even damian was hesitant, bc bruce being his dad would create distance between him and dick bc dick would no longer be his mentor, and hed gotten a bit attached)
jason accepted bruce as a father, but still missed his parents. he loved and grieved for both of them and most likely missed the idea of having normal parents in general in addition to missing his parents themselves. his love for his mom is still there when he realizes shes his step-mom instead, but it's accompanied by the hope that he still has living family out there.
the fact that jason went on a mom hunt in the first place is already enough that im like, yeah, i see where the mommy issues talk comes from. but i think you can go a few different directions with it
so theres catherine todd, who we only really know as being sick and a substance user throughout jasons childhood up until her death. iirc she died while willis was either already dead or in prison and so theres a period of time where jason (10-12ish?) would be taking care of his mother alone. being your mother's caretaker when you're still in elementary school does not make for a normal relationship.
and sheila haywood was uh. an illegal surgeon of sorts who fled the country and started a new life. apparently had an existing connection to the joker when she lived in gotham. he knows who she is and he knows how to blackmail her. while sheila describes it to jason as an operation gone wrong, joker calls it an "illegal surgery that killed a teenage girl" and sheila didnt seem to dispute that. probably watered down a lot of details in her explanation to jason. (the combination of 'illegal' and 'teenage girl' feels like it could imply an abortion? but it's left vague) and THEN it turns out she was stealing money meant to be used to save starving refugees before the joker even showed up. she sure is something. she still tries to help jason after he helps her, but don't skip over the part where she helps him after he helps her. she is still a person, but she is a fundamentally selfish person in every way. her final words include her commenting on how jason was a good kid who loved his mother. ive seen people take her final moments as a show that she still loved him, but i don't see it. one of those "a person doing a fraction of a good thing doesnt absolve them of everything else" kind of deals.
in both cases jasons mother(s) were relying on him. he never had an opportunity to be cared for and treated like a child. i don't think jason would have specific "mommy issues" about either of them, i think that he'd have some heavy feelings about the concept of a mother itself. what's it like to have a mom? does he still have a chance to be cared for and nurtured? his childhood was over before he had even met batman. becoming robin and being murdered is just tripling the issues he would've already had about his childhood regardless.
this is starting to veer off topic but
yes im finding a way to make this about Brothers in Blood. bite me. but even the first time i read this something that really stuck out is how jasons imaginary version of dick refers to him as a kid. dick doesnt really... do that. he did back when jason really was a kid, but this page says a lot about jasons self perception. he still wants to be taken care of, even if its not specifically "mommy issues" he definitely yearns for a chance to be treated like a kid again, after having rarely gotten that kind of care when he was a kid. (this page in particular is the first page of nightwing (1996) #121, which is one that i have a physical copy of <3)
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Mia: ...Phoenix.
Phoenix: Mia...! Umm... H-How is Maya doing!?
Mia: Physically, I'm not worried. She'll recover completely. But emotionally, she's been hurt very badly by this case.
Phoenix: I-I see... ...! You don't mean...! She's learned who Elise Deauxnim really was?
Mia: ...Yes. I went to the medical office and talked with her. I told her everything I knew.
Phoenix: ...But why?
Mia: Maya is stronger than you think... I knew she could take it... All of it.
i was thinking about this exchange and specifically mia's line of "maya is stronger than you think" and it kind of got me wondering if it was a moment where mia actually kind of misjudged phoenix's feelings on the matter. because phoenix DOES think maya is strong! even if he doesn't admit it out loud (because he's a moron):
Maya: ...And then you look at me, and, well... I'm the daughter of the Master, but I'm still just a little girl. And on top of that, I'm the suspect in a murder trial.
Phoenix: (Um... But I think you're really strong too, Maya, for all you've gone through...)
it may just be how i was reading it but phoenix asking "but why?" was not a question of whether maya was strong enough to take it but rather a question of "she's physically and mentally exhausted and we just saw her collapse on the ground from channeling dahlia's spirit for so long. why would you tell her that the person she saw get murdered right in front of her was her mother NOW." and yes i do think part of it was because phoenix wanted to hide it from her for a little while longer because he wants to protect her and hiding things is his go-to for pretty much everything but it was never a matter of him not thinking she's strong enough to take in the information. and yknow i think something else to factor into this is that in recent years phoenix has spent much much more time around maya than mia has. because mia's dead obviously i know that but also even before that...at the beginning of turnabout sisters one of the things maya mentions right off the bat is that mia hadn't called in a while. she was getting more and more distant. and meanwhile maya has been hanging around phoenix for almost three years now and spent the seven months between aa2 and aa3 staying with him instead of living in kurain village. even all the way back in aa1 it was to phoenix that maya admitted the heartbreaking thought that she wished she'd never woken up from being tased at all. and it's interesting to me how it seems like in this instance mia looks at maya and sees the strong little sister she left behind who can take anything the world throws at her and phoenix looks at maya and sees his best friend who CAN take anything the world throws at her but who has already been through so much and who he doesn't want to see suffer anymore. because he saw her crying in the detention center more than once he saw her admit she never wanted to see a knife again after 2-2 he saw her in the aftermath of morgan's betrayal and in the aftermath of the engarde trial and everything else. and the different perspectives they seem to have really do affect how they treat her.
#and don't get me wrong here! i'm not saying that mia somehow loves maya less or something. absolutely not#but i think her perspective IS a bit more skewed. because there's just so much distance between them#first the distance that mia herself put between them on purpose so they wouldn't end up like misty and morgan. and then#the distance that comes from mia obviously being dead.#like of course maya can handle it. there was never any question of that. the question is was that REALLY the best time to be dropping it on#maya like a damn bomb.
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augh. the fuckening continues. Some More Stuff has gone down with my shitty shitty dad. yes. the one that died. It Continues To Go Down, Some Fucking How.
if you saw me talk about this somewhere else already sorry lmao. i don't even know why i'm like. i know there are people who i want to know things about how my life is going and who are invested in how i'm doing who follow me here and wouldn't have seen this elsewhere so it's like. sort of a bulletin and also i'm still just. it's circling around in my head kind of inescapably so. here's this. sorry for the continued oversharing re: The Fuckening, hopefully this'll be the last of it but apparently there is no way to remotely guarantee that he will stop pulling shit like this despite literally no longer being alive.
theres been a whole Thing where my dad had a life insurance policy through his work and the people from his job contacted our family and said that my sister and i were listed as the beneficiaries on the policy and so they needed the death certificate and our information to get that taken care of. i have been the one primarily in contact with the lady handling it, we emailed and talked on the phone a few times. and then recently my sister got something in the mail from the insurance people and i didn’t and we wondered if it was a problem with my address being canadian or my name change and so i called the insurance company today to get that sorted. according to them, based on the information provided by his work, I Am Not A Beneficiary. it’s just my sister, im listed as a contingency in case something happened to them before him or whatever i guess. so now there’s. that. going on. which, like. it makes sense, my sister is the one he had a relationship with and that’s a choice i made and it’s not like im owed anything but it’s still like. once again my sister is everyone’s favourite and im Nobody to my family unless they’re directly reminded i exist. except that like. he did remember i existed. he deliberately and specifically listed me as the backup and it was like- i felt weird about the whole thing already. Really Weird about it but this did not. make me feel Less Weird.
and it's like i just. why couldn’t the HR person from his job have read the fucking form correctly if that’s what it said this whole time. why was i listed as a CONTINGENCY beneficiary in the first place. i knew that man, i knew how his mind worked, i remember how every time i saw him when we WERE speaking he would inevitably bring up my brother and how my brother wouldn’t talk to him and how much that sucked. listing my sister for this policy and then adding me as a Backup Plan was like. this wasn’t about wanting to take care of my sister and just not thinking of me at all. so it’s like all the rest of it and now just. knowing, like knowing this was a choice he made to Punish Me for not being involved in his life. because his focus was never on what he had it was always on what he didn’t and how unfair and horrible it was that he didn’t have it. if he just hadn’t thought about me at all his partner of 11 years would be listed as the contingency if they Needed him to have one, the only reason to have put my name down like that was to Make A Point and to get back at me for walking away from him and it just?
like who does that. i cant get my mind around it. there is literally no reason for my name to have been included the way it was except to make a point and that’s what im upset about, not the inheritance stuff, it’s just. he was a vicious, petty, vindictive person and he got one last shot in to hurt me the only way he could because i wouldn’t talk to him. that letter he sent last year to my grandmothers house, this, he like. he hated me, i think. some part of him was so angry at me that he hated me and wanted to hurt me in any way he could even just by writing my name down like Not You Though, The Other One Is The One I’m Acknowledging As My Child Who I Want To Care For And Protect In The Event Of My Death, But I Need It To Be Clear It’s NOT You on paperwork he probably never thought anyone else would see. how pissed and resentful do you have to be for that to be something you think to do.
just like. was it not enough. was what he did to me when i was a kid not enough. why do things have to KEEP happening. why does he KEEP needing to find ways to hurt me as bad as possible because that is the outcome he wanted. was to hurt me as bad as he could in whatever way he could. just. what the fuck.
yknow in my like. ninth grade english class there was this one super insane day after it was made extremely clear that my teacher had no control over the class and wasn’t gonna try and rectify that where these two kids who hated each other got in this big fight like. mid-class. and the way this fight took place is one of them was shouting across the room and the other was, and this is not a joke, repeatedly changing the name of a wifi hotspot on his phone, as a way of responding to her. this is about that level of petty, immature bullshit. conducting a fight with someone by changing the name of a wifi hotspot. getting back at your bitch of a daughter who won’t talk to you by filling out HR paperwork so that it’s SUPER clear you only meant the other one and NOT this one SO THERE. etc. what a fucking child.
#long post#gav gab#gd. sorry for this. i'm still just trying to like. get my mind around it.#abuse cw#death cw
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FFXIV Write 2024, Day 19 Prompt: Taken Continuation to “Late,” and a prequel piece for “Channel” and “Vicissitudes,” but can probably read independently.
G’raha is quick to leave Idyllshire after meeting Zhloe and learning that Qhol’a hadn’t been around for some time despite usually making time for the orphanage. He is likewise quick to realise that he doesn’t really know where to begin his search. Trying to contact him through linkshell does nothing, his calls never answered, which alone bodes ill news in the horizon.
He knows Qhol’a hasn’t been seen by anyone for a while, made clear by his visits to many inns and taverns, and trying to find the last place he was at would be difficult, since the man had the habit of constantly travelling from place to place.
He does remember Qhol’a saying he’d been thinking about visiting home at some point, but they’ve never really talked about where his home is. He only knows he’s Gyr Abanian, but that could be anywhere from the small migrating communities to Ala Mhigo, and that’s a lot of land to cover for one person.
Which is how he finds himself looking for Thancred, instead. Everyone knows Thancred and Qhol’a know a fair bit about each other, and while Alisaie would be a good bet, as well, Thancred’s specific skills might be better suited for joining him in his search for their missing friend.
Finding the man proves only that much easier than finding clues of Qhol’a. He eventually catches up to him in Limsa Lominsa, where he explains that Qhol’a hasn’t been seen or heard of for a long time, and that there’s a chance he’s in trouble.
Thancred listens, and tells G’raha what he thinks is a vital piece of information. “When I last saw him, there were rumours about Imperials brewing trouble near Baelsar’s Wall. People in Gridania were worried, and he seemed equally so. His family lives in the area, so it is possible he travelled there to make sure they’re alright.”
Before G’raha can ask him to join him, Thancred is already on his feet and telling him to come with.
Somewhere along the way they pick up Estinien like one picks up a stray animal they grow fond of over the years. G’raha does appreciate the help, in case they need to do battle, because the veteran of the Dragonsong War can be trusted to strike true, and that’s just the sort of an ally he would want by his side. He thinks he joins because he’s bored, but there’s no denying he’s Qhol’a’s friend just as the rest of them are.
They go by way of Gridania, where they learn that the activity on the other side has since calmed.
“That doesn’t sound good,” Estinien comments when the unsuspecting Gridanian has waved them goodbye and gone on her merry way.
“No, it doesn’t,” agrees Thancred, and they don’t need to spend time thinking on whether to gather more information, ask for more help, or just go.
Since the Wall is no longer occupied by the enemy, crossing is easy. They ask around more at Castrum Oriens, where they learn that Qhol’a did come through some time ago. He, much like them, had been interested in what the Imperials had been up to, and then taken off. “Guess he dealt with that, they haven’t been a nuisance since soon after,” the Serpent tells them.
No one needs to say that really doesn’t sound good for their friend.
In the wilderness of the Fringes they spend two days trying to find any trace of their friend, and at dusk, it’s Estinien who calls the other two to let them know he might have something.
The scorched ground on which they find the dragoon standing is the best lead they have, and a telling one, at that. It doesn’t take much looking around before they get an idea for what happened: someone who knew had weaved an intricate trap that with right deeds and information drew Qhol’a back where his people were. While they can’t tell exactly what happened, only that there was a battle and it was not kind, G’raha can sense something wrong with the aether in the area. Twisted and knotted, though slowly beginning to right itself.
Whoever was here was good at what they were doing, but not perfect. It’s like whoever was here was in a rush to leave, because there had been no attempt at hiding the tracks left behind, and that much they deduced after going the area to make sure they weren’t being fooled.
Despite the late hour, they make the wordless decision that they must push on.
G’raha just hopes it’s not another trap, this time set for the three of them.
#ffxivwrite2024#ffxivwrite#ffxiv writing#writing tag#well I guess we're going back to something from two years ago this time#though I have to admit I've been wanting to figure out an ending to this particular story#maybe at some point?
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Someone once told me that they loathe Medb because she objectifies people, and I can't help but agree. From her creation of Cu Alter to her relationship with Skadi, and then something Fergus mentioned twice, once in the manga and once in Summer 4. But, rather than seeing this in a negative light, as the person who mentioned this, I couldn't help but find this an interesting fault because the story, for the most part, treats this as neither fully bad or completely good Because viewing it through this lens makes Skadi and her relationship uniquely realistic because, while Medb is doing it for completely warped and selfish motives, it also highlights the fact that Skadi needs a self-severing person in her life to get over her troubles and eluvates her in such a intersting manner. Or, in another situation, how she basically earns Cu alter's respect via sheer tenacity through that viewpoint but also caused the american singularity. I had these thoughts swriling around my head the past few days I couldn't help but to wonder what the biggest Medb fan would think about this.
A lot of people, including your friend, view America as a "I have you now, my pretty" scenarios from what I've seen. America plays it up that Medb "gets to have" Cu as an object of affection. Higashide specifically wanted the player to think that, so it comes off as a surprise in the reveal when Alter admits that he's fighting for Medb's wish on his own free will the whole entire time.
(TL;DR: at the bottom before the cut)
When you go back, you realize that there is a lot of foreshadowing that this was the case the whole time. Namely that Cu Alter has so much autonomy and free will for someone who is supposedly "under control." Medb never gets mad at him when he disagrees with her, and the fact that he would debate with her at all is extremely telling when she's usually pretty pushy as a person when it comes to what she thinks is the correct line of action
Both Medb and Cu have their own ideas of what it means to be a king and a hero. For Cu, we know that he doesn't care for honors and titles, but Medb had to work her ass off to get a title for her own safety and to be taken seriously by others. Cu (probably) thought he was well meaning for telling Medb that he didn't want to hurt or kill her because she was a woman, but to her, it was insulting that he wouldn't view her as a warrior when she had gone through a fuckton to get to where she was. He accepted that he was going to die in a blaze of glory, while she can't understand how he can just go throw his life away without ever properly taking her on when everyone thinks of her as the villain of his story.
So there's an obvious disconnect between the two. The fact that they DO talk about this, change each other's minds, and disagree is where the development lays. By the end of the singularity, Alter is able to recognize Medb's efforts as a queen, which was the main validation she wanted from him. Medb also arguably understands that Cu isn't how she thought he’d be that if you notice, anytime they're together, she no longer brings up how she thinks he should act. She just thinks what he does is really cool instead, so they’ve basically gotten the chance to get to know each other better and come to some sort of understanding
The only problem is that Higashide never actually addresses the issue on Cu's end. Personally, I don't really mind tooo too much because Medb's emotions is what I care more so about in the dynamic, but it still leaves a very huge "What even are his thoughts about this?" And I dont mean Alter, I mean the original Cu. It's very clear by the stark difference in how Medb talks to Alter and Cu that she thinks Cu is much colder to her than he actually is. But she also was able to talk to Alter more genuinely because with his emotions suppressed, it was like talking to someone who would never actually respond in a way that would be too overwhelming where she'd have to be on guard. But that's only a stepping stone to the actual problem.
Cu cares a great deal about Medb as a person because if he wasn't aware of her circumstances when they were alive, he does now that they're servants. He mentioned her in HA before she was even in FGO and says that a ton of bad things happened to her and she's a product of what happened to her. But he still doesn't do anything about it in a way that's actually helpful. He treats Medb like someone he feels like he has to take care of, even if she's troublesome, instead of acknowledging his own flaws that got him into the situation with her in the first place.
He still has chivalrous view of women that can be seen as patronizing like telling Medusa in Extella that he doesnt want to fight or kill women when Medusa had the clear advantage. He chooses Nero over Tamamo because Tamamo reminded him too much of Medb. He talks about how he wants to be more reliable to Medb in his voiceline, even to the point of making a promise to her that we still have NO idea what it could possibly have been about. He avoids Medb when she's up to mischief, yet when she asks for help he is immediately willing to do whatever. Even to the point that Knocknarea in LB6 is confused as to why he's so eager and willing to help her.
Cu's thoughts are a huge piece of the puzzle missing that if you don't pay attention to how he handles Medb, it comes off as one sided when it's more like two people avoiding communicating the root of a problem.
I highly doubt that his side would ever occur as the closest there has come to being critical of Cu's actions is the consequences of his thing with Fand and Emer in the Vday events with Caren and Bazett. Do agree that sometimes, other writers will just use Medb's love for him as a gag to idk fill up the spaces or something. It can be funny but if that's all she does, then ya I get the criticisms esp when their actual convos are way funnier. I have more thoughts on them, but I've already wrote so much lmao
Very cool and poggers of the manga to have Cu Alter kneeling down and accepting a kiss from her tho
TL;DR: Medb and Cu have lore to build off of + that there are flaws to be addressed. Makes the subtle growth very cool and leeway for further Medb development and complexities.
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Putting the rest under the cut because I'm critical of the way Sakurai writes Medb and Skadi. Read if u want, but know that I'm kind of a hater so I'd rather you look at something you like instead.
Sakurai's writing with Skadi doesn't have the benefit of lore to easily play around with though. TL;DR at the bottom.
The problem is that the writers never really fleshed out Scathach that much, nor did they have the latter interact much with Medb. The whole premise of this dynamic is that Medb thinks Skadi is Scathach and she's surprised that "Scathach is acting different than she usually does" and keeps trying to get Skadi to act "like she usually does"
But Medb doesn't even really know Scathach, they hardly talked. Like ever. There's like 5 lines of dialogue from between 2018 to now between the two across the American singularity to events and voice lines. Most of the time, they don't even directly talk to each other. Unlike her thing with Alter, Medb has never come to an understanding with Scathach, nor does she really have any reason to care about her
The writing has to rely on existing character dynamics that... was hardly there to begin with makes it crumble that much faster to me personally. It'd make more sense if they had actually written a LOT of interaction with each other to the point of them influencing each other's characters, whether in a positive or negative way. But as it stands, it'd make more sense for Medb to react to the gap difference between Ushi and Taira than Scathach and Skadi because the writers chose to give more depth to Ushi and Medb as frenemies.
I was never a fan of Medb Skadi writing because it comes off as a cheap way to introduce Skadi into the Chaldea dynamics. It's nothing like Ushi or Ex and Medb, Knocknarea and Castoria's level of development, where it'd make sense. Not to mention, nothing about Skadi is remotely what Medb is interested in. If it had been the other way around, where Skadi was introduced first and then Scathach showed up, it'd make a bit more sense given who Medb usually hangs out with or talks to
Sakurai mainly utilizes Medb as a mouthpiece of how cute and uwu Skadi is rather than having any meaningful development between the two across multiple events. It just gets weird and sometimes even creepy at times, esp when you remember Higashide's Medb had never been sexual towards Alter. But Sakurai's Medb sexually harasses Skadi when Medb herself is a SA victim?? And she writes Medb as calling herself tainted in a diff event????? Even Minase treated Medb better in the Prisma Illya event. Like, I don't hate Sakurai, but she can be very hit or miss with me on certain things.
You can compare Skadi to almost any other character that Medb has interacted with, and it's severely lacking. Neither one's lore is really addressed until Skadi's interlude and even then, Medb doesn't really have much to do with it, she's just "I will lend you a Cu (caster) because I'm already holding two Cu's hands right now"
I don't mind if people like Skadi, but I just don't think Sakurai handles Medb and Skadi well together. It comes off as either shoe horned yuri bait at worst, and not knowing where to put Skadi since she didn't have much connection to any character in her LB at best that she just slapped her onto Medb for the vague Scathach connection. There is no lessons learned, no real understanding of each other, and it's just Medb doing what she wants. There's no balance or substance that I personally like
I admit that I have not read her summer event parts to know how she develops with other characters though. I'm still very :// about the transphobia with her changing Caeneus's spirit origin without his consent because she "wanted Caeneus to fit in with the other girls" which doesn't help much when she calls Caeneus tainted because of their SA in the lostbelt.
I just don't really care much for the character or the writing between her and medb, so that's why you'll hardly ever see me talk about her.
Apologies because I know you went in talking positively, but I agree with your friend on this one. It does come heavily across as objectification and one of those ships you'd meme on as "gay ship for straight ppl (with a male audience in mind specifically)" and is not treated well, so I personally ignore it.
TL;DR: I dont like Skadi writing or Medb/Skadi writing. I do not mind if other do tho, so like its just do ya own thing, yfeel?
Anyways, ship Castoria x Knocknarea
#magical college girl#critical#LONG post#VERY LONG POST#Im so sorry anon#Tumblr deleted a bunch of my paragraphs when I posted this oops is there a word limit
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the toihatojose/hatojosechiro(??) love triangle is so interesting........
I've talked about hatojose and/or hatochiro (separately) to so many people and those certain people have shared their thoughts about it too,,,,,,,,,
starting off with hatochiro it'd be so interesting for them to have some sort of unrequited love going on at first, with, as someone said before, hatori being dedicated asf to claw (and perhaps toichiro specifically) going out of his way despite being incredibly incapable of defending himself to defend toichiro and his cause (like how he naively faced shou thinking he could get his ass when he got his own shit handed to him instead),
not to mention like, the authority complex shit going on. toichiro constantly making sure that people remember HE is the boss of this organization while hatori tries so hard to impress him, make himself feel as if hes worth something to someone (and to someone as "big" or "important" as toichiro), all for toichiro to just
whats the word
"disregard" or "overlook" him?? ouch
and even after going to jail hatori's looking after him, joining joseph or something and working for the government, trying to be there for him despite what they once fought for being gone for good- -DESPITE EVERYTHING THEY BOTH PUT THEMSELVES THRU BEING ABSOLUTELY FUTILE AND POINTLESS, DESPITE PROBABLY DISAPPOINTING THEMSELVES AND EACH OTHER AND FEELING LIKE SHIT FOR DOING ANY OF THIS CLAW BS TO BEGIN WITHHHHH ???????
and this is where joseph comes in. he's like, an entirely different force. laid back and, admittedly, a mess and he knows it. he DOES have some sort of authority but he isnt the highest ranking, seems that he doesnt even use his authority to use/use against anyone either, hes just some guy doing his job and this is suuuch a contrast for hatori and he easily gets attached somehow....... LIKE "hi do your shoes need shining" "HUH?? I CAN SHINE THEM MYSELF??" "HUH" (no i am definitely not projecting) also they both get smoke together and i love that for themWHICH BRINGS ME TO "joseph introducing hatori to so many things that he has never experienced before" like love and lust and vices and so many other things that i might emotionally combust if i was in hatori's position. (i am definitely not projecting here either) and then we get back to toichiro who's serving his time in jail wondering where he went WRONG and wanting to make amends with everyone, and because he still saw hatori on a frequent basis he starts with him, trying to make it up to him which makes hatori sooooooooo confused........ "omg he still cares??" no he just started caring. it'd be fun if toichiro notices that he's been spending a lot of time with joseph more and toichiro goes from "when tf is this queer gonna be free" to straight up jealous. also the idea of joseph being divorced (hi hino) is so funny cuz now we got two divorced men bickering (/lh) over a twink who's never had a genuine romantic relationship in his life. ("bl type shit" according to my bf)
im not sure what to say in josechiro(?)'s case but the cop x criminal trope is also realllyy interesting, with joseph having to keep him on a leash to prevent him from doing anything stupid while he's serving his time in jail /hj that or theyre making ou-
i ran out of words to say this took longer than it had to, goodBYE
#im sorry you had to see this#nozomu hatori#hatori nozomu#joseph from the government#mob psycho 100#suzuki toichiro#sorry for the rant
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I Have This... Thing
Not My Gif
So as someone with vaginismus, it’s sometimes frustrating to read fan fiction, specifically smut. Y/N always has sex so easily and with very little foreplay, finishing with no issues. And it’s so great for people who can do that, but it’s not the case for all of us. Some of us can’t have any sort of penetration without pain. Some people can’t finish without toys, or hours of work. Some people will never be able to have penetrative sex. There’s all kinds of people, and there’s all kinds of sex. But not near enough fics featuring Y/N’s with these issues. So I’m going to write some, and feel free to request any issue with any character, and if I don’t know that character, we can collaborate to find a character you like that I do know.
Paul Lahote x reader smut.
You had lived in Forks for about 6 months now. You’ve known your new friends here for 5 months. And you’ve been the imprint of Paul Lahote for 3 months. Well, you’ve been his imprint since you guys first locked eyes at La Push when you first hung out with Emily, but he didn’t tell you about the whole werewolf/ imprint thing until 3 months ago. Safe to say it came as a shock. Your friends, the people who had welcomed you so easily, helped you move furniture around, and gave you tours of the new town, were WOLVES. Or engaged to wolves. *cough* Emily *cough*. You had to take a few weeks break from them after they told you. After Sam explained the legends, the lore. After Paul told you that you were basically his soul mate. It’s a lot to take in!
But you quickly realized that you had grown to love the pack. And now that you knew the big secret, things were easier around them. No more lies about where they had all been. No more avoiding talking about their mysterious injuries that only seemed to last for a couple hours. No more awkwardly dancing around why Paul stared at you constantly and wouldn’t let any other guy get within 6 feet of you without having a rage attack and sprinting into the woods. Things were going good.
Well… as good as they could be without sex. Yep. You and Paul had been together for 3 months and you have not had sex. You didn’t give each other head. You didn’t take your clothes off around each other. You didn’t even dry hump. And you knew it was your fault. You could tell that Paul was getting nervous about the fact that you wouldn’t let him touch you like that. He would never ask you about it, because he wouldn’t want you to feel pressured or rushed, but you could tell it was on his mind. The little sad smile he would give when you stopped things from going further. The hover of his hands over your ass before landing back on your waist. The way he looked almost guilty after looking at you in a swimsuit or crop top.
See, vaginismus made relationships difficult. You never had a long term relationship before Paul. You were either too scared to tell partners about it, and just dealt with the excruciating pain, which would lead to resentment and breakups, or you would tell them and they would ghost you. Guys don’t normally go for girls who’s opening line is “Hi! I cannot have sex without crying.” You’d been dilating for almost a year now. It was going okay. Some days hurt more than others. A lot of times, Paul would ask you to hang out when you were in the middle of your physical therapy, and you would have to make up some excuse as to why you couldn't. Too tired. Headache. Stomach bug. He was starting to catch on.
One day, you guys were hanging out at your apartment watching a movie. You had been making out, but as soon as it started getting slightly heated, you had pulled away and got up to get a drink refill. Paul, having gotten used to the routine, didn’t question you. While you were in the kitchen pouring some more juice, Paul asked “Hey babe? Do you have a charger I can borrow?”
“Yeah it’s in the top drawer of my bedside table,” you haphazardly yelled back.
You heard him get up and go into your bedroom, rummaging around a little. Then silence.
“Hey babe?” he said hesitantly. You thought he just couldn’t find the charger, so you began walking towards your room to grab it for him. Once you got to the doorway, you stopped dead in your tracks. Eyes wide. Face bright red. Paul held up the dilator you were currently on, which was about 5 inches long and looked… well let’s be honest. It looked like a dildo. The bottle of lubricant that was also in the drawer didn’t help your case. How the fuck were you supposed to explain yourself? You expected Paul to tease you, make some sex jokes, and maybe try to make out with you again, but he didn’t. He looked absolutely crushed.
“Do you not want to have sex with me?” He asked, sounding on the verge of tears.
“What?! Paul, of course I want to have sex with you!”
“Then why this?” he pressed.
“You don’t even know what that’s for. Let me explain,” you pleaded, afraid he was going to lose that infamous temper. You’d never witnessed it before, but you were scared you were about to.
“I think I have a pretty good guess about what this is for!” He exclaimed, holding it up. “You won’t even let me kiss your neck but you have this that you obviously use when I’m not around. You don’t want to have sex with me. Why didn’t you just tell me?”
“Paul! That’s not true at all!” You were starting to get irritated at his assumptions. “It’s for physical therapy.”
“Oh, is that what we’re calling orgasms now?” He questioned, exasperated.
“I’m not talking about orgasms! If you gave me two seconds to explain, you would know that that does not bring me an ounce of pleasure. I hate having to use it.” You started to tear up at this, all the memories of your struggles surging back up. At this, Paul stopped. He looked super confused, but also worried about you. God forbid you shed a tear, Paul would rip the world apart to make you happy again. “Come sit down,” you said, resigned, as you moved to sit on the edge of your bed. Paul, still holding the dilator in his hand, sat down next to you. The silence seemed to last an eternity, but you knew that the longer you went without explaining, the more hurt Paul would feel.
“I wasn’t lying when I said it was for physical therapy,” you whispered. “I have other ones. All different sizes.” You realized you might not have been helping your case with this.
“I don’t understand. Why do you need them if you don’t use them to get off?” He looked like a kicked puppy.
“Well… I have this thing. It’s like… a condition? And I need them so maybe one day I can have sex without any pain.” He still looked wildly confused, and you knew you were going to have to elaborate. “When I first started having sex, it hurt. A lot. But I always heard that it was supposed to hurt the first time. So I just kind of put up with it. It was bad though. I always tapped out, couldn’t go for more than a couple minutes. It felt like this really intense stinging. Like a rugburn all inside me. And it didn’t stop, even after I started doing it more. It never went away… I ended up googling it, and it’s actually something that a lot of women struggle with. I made a doctor’s appointment and was lucky enough to get diagnosed the first time. Lots of women are told they’re making it up. My doctor gave me these dilators, told me how to use them, and said that with enough time and physical therapy, I could have painless sex one day.” When you finished, you turned to look at him. He was staring intently at the dilator, thinking.
“So, you have to like… stretch yourself? Were you just born too small?” He phrased it delicately, but you knew what he meant.
“Basically, it’s an anxiety disorder with very physical symptoms. My pelvic floor muscles constrict when I try to put anything inside me, which makes it super painful. It’s like an involuntary reflex. Like blinking when something flies near your face. And I have to condition my body to learn that penetration doesn’t hurt, and that it doesn’t have to tighten up like that. The condition is called vaginismus. You can google it yourself if you want.”
“Oh.” A pause. Paul knew you had some anxiety, but he never guessed it could cause something like this. He knew you were embarrassed. He could tell. And the last thing he wanted was for you to feel like you couldn’t be open and vulnerable with him. Did you think he would leave you? Or get mad? “Why didn’t you tell me?” Was the question that came out.
“It’s humiliating. I could tell you were getting antsy about us not having sex, and I guess I didn’t have the heart to tell you that it’s not going to happen anytime soon. This physical therapy, it takes a while. I’ve already been doing it for almost a year, and I still have three sizes after this one.” A tear fell. You wiped it away quickly, hoping he Paul wouldn’t notice, but he did. He moved to wrap his arms around you, putting the dilator back on your nightstand. He embraced you, and the reassurance that he wasn’t going anywhere was more than you could handle. You burst into tears as he pulled you onto his lap and rocked you both, rubbing his hand up and down your back. You guys stayed there until you stopped crying, and then he finally spoke.
“Y/N, I don’t ever want you to feel like there’s something you can’t tell me. I love you. And yeah, I would love to have sex with you one day, but I’m with you because of who you are. I don’t care if we never do it. You are my person, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you the happiest you can be. This? This thing you think is such a problem? It’s irrelevant to me. To my love for you. And I will be here every step of the way, supporting you, cheering you on, until you don’t want me anymore.” He brought your hand up to his mouth and kissed it.
“I love you, Paul,” was all you could say. You leaned in and shared the sweetest, most loving kiss either of you had ever experienced. His hand cupped the side of your face, thumb rubbing your cheek. When you pulled away, the tension in the room was gone, replaced with you and Paul’s usual light, fun energy.
“How do you use them?” He smiled as he asked, nodding his head towards your nightstand where the dilator still rested. “Do you like… just ride them? Or..?”
You laughed, which made his smile broaden. “It’s not a sexual thing. Basically I put a towel down, cover the dilator in lube, and put it in as far as I can without pain. Then, I just sit there and leave it for like 20 minutes. And then I take it out.”
“So you just like... do homework while you do it?” His concerned face made you laugh again.
“You have to make your body associate it with pleasure, so no, I don’t do homework. Normally I’ll watch a funny show or eat some candy or FaceTime you.”
He froze at this. “You do this when we FaceTime?”
This made you blush and look away from his piercing gaze. “Sometimes. I can stop if it makes you uncomfortable. It’s just a nice distraction.”
“No, no. I don’t want you to stop. It’s just… can I see you do it?” This question shocked you. Not just the question itself, but the fact that you didn’t hate the idea. You loved kissing Paul. What better way to associate therapy with pleasure than by kissing him while you do it?
“Are you sure? Like I said, it’s not exactly sexual. Or sexy. Like at all. I literally just sit there.”
“I know, it’s ok. I want to be able to help you, but if you don’t want to we can just go back to the movie.”
“I mean I do still have to do it today.” You thought for another second, before jumping up and saying “Okay. Let’s do it.”
Paul looked happy and excited, but also lost. He didn’t know what to do with his hands, or with his eyes. Did you want him to touch you? Or just watch you? Or just sit in the corner of the room and face the wall? You were spreading a towel across the middle of the bed, and went to untie your sweatpants before looking at him.
“Guess we haven’t really gotten this far, huh?” alluding to being naked in front of each other. It did make you a little nervous, and nerves equal tight muscles, which means pain.
“Why don’t you put a blanket over yourself? That way there’s less pressure,” he suggested, and you could have kissed him for it. You smiled, nodded, and grabbed a throw blanket from the chair. He turned around to face the wall while you took off your pants and settled under the blanket.
“Ok, I’m good.” you said. He turned back around, coming to kneel beside you on the bed.
“Do you want me to just… hold your hand? Or sit here and talk to you?”
“Would you want to sit behind me?” You suggested nervously, leaning forward slightly.
“Of course! Yeah, I can do that.” He took this seriously, and you appreciated that. This was a scenario you had thought about many times, and though you knew he wouldn’t be the type to ask you to have sex with him despite the pain, it was always a possibility. The fact that he didn’t take your pain lightly, and let you be in charge so you would be comfortable, meant more to you than he would ever know. Paul gently climbed behind you, putting his legs on either side of you, and hesitantly rubbing your shoulders. You leaned back into him, as if to say I’m okay with this.
“Can you hand me the… “ You nodded your head towards the nightstand, and Paul didn’t need to hear the rest of the sentence before he leaned over and grabbed the dilator and bottle of lube, holding them out in front of you both. You muttered a “thanks” as you took them from his hands, and brought them under the blanket. After slathering the dilator with a good amount of lube, you closed the bottle and tossed it towards the foot of the bed, leaning back and shifting your hips down. Paul clearly didn’t want to overstep his boundaries, so he was slow and careful as he wrapped his arms around your torso, giving you time to say stop. You didn’t, though. He felt your body tense slightly as you dragged the tip of the dilator around your entrance, so he started to rub his hands up and down your sides, kissing your cheek. You turned your head to look at him, and he met you with a sweet kiss. You guys pulled away slightly, before going back in as you began to push the dilator in further. He kissed you with love, tenderness, and care, so as not to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable. It was clear that you had the reigns, and Paul would stop as soon as you gave the slightest indication that you were uncomfortable. The dilator was about half way in, and you felt a slight stinging sensation, but kissing Paul distracted you. You brought one hand up to cup the side of his face, pulling him back in.
Paul kept kissing you, waiting for your lips to part so he could brush his tongue against yours. This is normally where you would stop him, but he knew everything now. There was no expectation of more, and damn. Paul was a really good kisser. He sucked lightly at your lower lip, before nibbling it and letting it go, coming back in with his lips. The combination of Paul’s kisses, the slight heat they brought to your body, and the pressure of the tip of the dilator inside you had you shift your hips, and involuntarily let out a small moan. It was barely audible, but Paul and his super senses heard it. You pulled away and slapped a hand over your mouth, your face turning bright red. He chuckled deeply, the sound going straight to your body, and brought his hand up to pull your hand off your mouth. “Don’t you dare hide those sounds from me,” he teasingly whispered into your ear. You shivered, and Paul started to kiss your cheek, down your jaw, and onto your neck. He sucked on the soft skin, hands squeezing your waist and rubbing up and down. You wanted to try something. For the first time, dilating actually didn’t feel so obligatory, so mechanical and stiff. You pushed the dilator deeper in, just about a centimeter, but enough to give you that feeling you had moments ago. You let out a breathy sigh as you tilted your head to give Paul more room on your neck. He felt you shift your hips again, and brought one of his hands to rub circles on your lower stomach. Skin on skin. And it felt good.
You kept going like this for a few minutes, and Paul could feel your skin grow hotter by the second. Your back was arched, your neck covered in light red marks, and Paul had the intense desire to see you unravel. He brought his lips from your neck up to the side of your face, getting as close to eye contact as he could in this position, and said “Can I touch you?”
You knew what he meant. The thought of it made you nervous. No one had touched you without it hurting before. It was almost as if he read your mind when he followed with “I can just stay on the outside…” Oh. You could be down with that. You turned your head to him and nodded.
“Just try not to touch the dilator,” you said softly. You trusted Paul. He was already being so kind and patient with this, and you knew he would die before he would ever hurt you. The hand that had been rubbing circles on your stomach travelled lower. Lower. Lower. Until he could feel the slight stubble of a past shave, and then your soft, wet skin. You gasped as he touched your most sensitive parts, even more so because of how turned on you were. He gently made small, tight circles over your clit, your eyes rolling back in your head as you fell completely slack against him and let out a moan. A real moan, that Paul swore he would never forget. And he made you make that sound. It only spurred him on. He applied slightly more pressure, but not so much as to overwhelm you. And he knew that when girls were feeling good, the secret wasn’t faster or harder, but to keep doing exactly what you were doing. So that’s what he did, and it had you writhing. Your moans kept coming, and your legs had started to shake. However, because it felt so good, your muscles had started to clench around the dilator, and it was beginning to hurt.
You didn’t want to rain on the parade. It was going so well. But Paul being the attentive lover that he is, noticed you begin to tense up in a new way. He brought his hand back up to your stomach, concern racing through his brain, and asked “Are you okay? Does it hurt?”
“It’s kind of starting to. Not you, the dilator. I think I might take it out.” You stared down at his hand still touching your stomach. Such beautiful hands. You didn’t want it to end.
“Do you want to try a smaller one? Or do you want to stop?” He questioned.
“I really don’t want to stop,” you laughed. He breathed a laugh as well, and waited for your direction. You had a thought. Paul’s index finger was smaller than the dilator. Much smaller. If you just told him what to do and what not to do, that could feel really good. “Would you want to maybe… Nevermind.” You got nervous.
“Hey, hey. No. Don’t do that. Tell me what you want,” He brought a finger up to your chin and moved your face towards him. “Tell me. Whatever it is, Princess. It’s yours.” Your whole body shuddered at this. He’s never called you that before, and to say it did something to you would be an understatement.
You let out a breath, gathering courage, and said “Would you want to… use your finger?”
He stopped at this. “Like, put my finger inside you? That wouldn’t hurt?”
“I don’t think so. It’s smaller than this,” you said, bringing the dilator out and up. “And as long as I tell you what to do, it could be really good,” you said the last part shyly.
“Okay, Princess. I can do that. How do you want me to do it?”
“Try to do more… pressure, and less… friction? Like try not to go in and out so much, but you can move it around inside.” Your face was once again blushing intensely.
“Anything you want. You just have to promise that you’ll tell me if it even hurts a little.”
“I promise.” You said it confidently enough that Paul brought his hand back down under the blanket. He circled your clit a couple times, making you shiver and release a breathy sigh, before moving his middle finger even lower, circling your entrance. He gathered some of the lube that was there from the dilator, coating his finger, and you brought your hand down to hold it, guiding it inside you at a speed that was comfortable. It was smaller than the dilator, so he was in you in 15 seconds. He stopped, and gave you a minute to adjust. Your hips writhed again because of how turned on you were, so Paul brought his other hand down and began circling your clit again. Your head fell back on his shoulder as you began to moan again, hips moving even more now. Paul took this as his queue to press his middle finger up against your inner wall lightly, causing a loud moan to leave your mouth. You were too far gone to be embarrassed.
“There you go, baby,” he praised. God, this was the hottest thing he had ever seen. He was barely touching you, barely moving his finger inside you, and you were a mess. He had been rock hard since you guys started, but your ass was rubbing against him as you moved your hips, and he released a small growl at the feeling. This only turned you on more. He kept moving his finger in you the same way. Pressure, not friction. Pressure, not friction. He kept telling himself this. He wanted to finger bang you into oblivion, but the risk of hurting you was too high, so he kept up with rubbing the tip of his finger against that spot on your upper wall, in a “come-hither” motion. Your moans began to get higher in pitch, your body tensing even more.
“Relax your muscles for me, sweetheart,” he encouraged, and you did. Your release was approaching rapidly, and you wanted to grind against his hand, but you didn’t want to risk pain, so you trusted Paul to get you there. You were panting, hips shuddering, face scrunched, as your climax hit you like a wave. Your legs shook as you opened your mouth in a silent scream, and Paul carried you all the way through it. You came down, and lightly grabbed his wrists. He knew that that meant stop. So he slowly withdrew his finger, brought it up to his mouth, and sucked on it. Head still up in the clouds, you watched him, slack-jawed, as he popped his finger out and moaned. “So sweet,” he purred. Watching him suck on his finger like that made you think of something you’d like to suck on, and you looked down at Paul, still rock hard, and turned around in his lap.
“Let me return the favor,” you said with a smirk.
#twilight#paul lahote#paul lahote x reader#paul lahote smut#wolf pack#seth clearwater#embry call#quil ateara#sam uley#jacob black#jared cameron#robert pattinson#bella swan#edward cullen#vaginismus#dilating#paul lahote x reader smut#twilight smut
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This is a little specific so feel free to give it a pass if you're not into it, but would you like to like to do season 2 Lunch Date Era jonmartin with the 'friendly hugs' prompt? Thank you, and have a good day!
specific prompts are actually really nice, they give me something solid to work off of, so this was actually perfect! I had a lot of fun writing this one. thank you and enjoy, anon!
____________
Jon can't stop bouncing his leg.
He keeps forgetting that he's doing it, and then noticing again, and then forcibly stopping himself, but it never lasts long. The cafe is crowded and loud, which is distracting enough on its own, but Martin is also there, sitting across from him and tucking into a sandwich, gamely trying to engage Jon in conversation even though Jon keeps getting distracted and bouncing his leg.
"Jon? You there?"
Martin's voice fades back into Jon's awareness, and he shifts his gaze back to him. "Sorry," he says for the fifth time that lunch hour, "um, say that again?"
He feels bad. He does. Ever since he found out about Martin's CV, Jon's been kicking himself over how paranoid he'd been, thinking that Martin was out to get him, shouting at him over what turned out to be nothing. Jon doesn't want to be that sort of boss, that sort of person, but he'd just been so overwhelmed. He could hardly believe it when Martin asked him to join him for lunch, after all the things Jon's said to him. Still, he's grateful for the olive branch. It's too bad he keeps messing it up by forgetting to listen to Martin when he talks.
Speaking of--
"Oh, damn," Jon mutters, interrupting whatever it is Martin is trying to tell him. "Martin, god, I'm so sorry, I just got--"
"Distracted?" Martin says, and to Jon's surprise he doesn't seem annoyed, just . . . concerned. "I've noticed. Jon, are you feeling alright?"
"What? Yes, I'm fine." Jon eats the last few bites of his salad so he doesn't have to meet Martin's eyes.
"Sure? Because you seem really anxious." Martin's voice has that soft, worried lilt to it that Jon used to get annoyed by. It doesn't bother him so much anymore. It's . . . sort of nice, really, to be worried over, sometimes.
Not now, though. Because right now Jon doesn't need to be worried over. "I'm not anxious. Just . . . it's distracting in here. It's loud."
"Oh, well, let's go then," Martin says, finishing up his sandwich and standing up to gather his coat. "It's not too cold out. We can walk around downtown until lunch hour is over."
"I--" Jon wants to protest, but he realizes that yes, getting out of this small cafe would be very welcome. "That's . . . that's a good idea, actually."
His leg can't bounce when he's walking, and the early winter air is cold but not biting, and the walkways aren't crowded. Jon can feel himself calming down by the time they get a block away from the cafe. Maybe he had been a little anxious, after all. This was a very good idea. Martin has very good ideas, he thinks.
"If that cafe was too much," Martin is telling him, and thankfully Jon is actually able to listen to him now, "there's another place we could try next time. New Indian place, right around the corner from the Institute. Tim says he goes there whenever he has a PT appointment, to treat himself."
Jon wants to go back to the fact that Martin wants there to be a next time, but for now there's something more pressing to address. "Tim's still doing physical therapy?" he says. He'd thought he was finished weeks ago.
"Yeah, he says it's just follow-up appointments. He's mostly okay, they just need to make sure he's improving, I guess." Martin shoots him a sidelong look. "I thought you and he were close."
"Not, um . . . not so much anymore." Jon stuffs his hands into his coat pockets, ducking into his collar. "We don't really . . . talk."
"Oh," Martin says. "I'm sorry."
"Yeah." Jon doesn't want to get into it. Thankfully, Martin doesn't press the issue.
"Are you still going to PT?" Martin says instead. "You don't have to tell me, obviously. I just . . . I never see you outside the archives anymore."
Jon bites the inside of his cheek. "I, um . . . I sort of . . . stopped going. After the second appointment."
Martin stops short in the middle of the sidewalk, and Jon has to double back. "Christ, Jon!" he says, not angry, but aggravated. "You can't just skip out on that stuff, you could do permanent damage--"
"Martin, I'm fine," Jon says. "See, I'm walking around and everything. Trust me, if it was bad, I'd have kept going, but the whole thing was a waste of time and I had work to get done--"
"Your health comes first," Martin says, with finality, before his demeanor softens. "I'm not an idiot, Jon, I notice you staying late and coming in early, I notice when you skip meals. You're running yourself ragged. It's a job, Jon, and trust me, I know how important this work is, I get it, but none of it, alright, none of it's more important than you."
Jon blinks at him. He wants to protest, but every half-formed rebuttal sounds either defensive or outright silly. Martin is right, after all. Jon just wishes that he weren't, because then he wouldn't have to reevaluate everything he's been doing for the past two months.
Martin goes on, taking a step closer to him. "Just . . . you don't need to keep throwing yourself at a wall, Jon. At least give yourself a break every once in a while."
"I can't just walk away, Martin. O-Or, I don't--" Jon's voice has gone shaky. He clears his throat and tries again. "I--I don't really know how. There's just . . . there's so much, and I don't know where any of it leads, if it's leading anywhere at all, and . . . I just . . . I've no idea what I'm supposed to do about all of it."
Martin gives him a look that Jon doesn't know how to place. It's not pity, or condescension, which Jon would expect from most everyone else. He just looks . . . sort of sad. His hands are clasped in front of his chest, tugging restlessly on his fingers. "Jon, would you . . . um, that is . . ." Suddenly Martin thrusts his open arms out towards Jon and blurts out, "Would you like a hug?"
Jon's speechless. What a thing to be asked, he thinks, and especially by a coworker, no matter how well they know each other, it's completely unprofessional, and even if Martin were his closest friend, which he isn't, but even if he were, why on earth would Jon of all people need a hug? Sure, he's not doing all that great, but Martin doesn't need to know that, and anyway how is a hug supposed to fix anything, especially a hug from someone who doesn't know the half of what Jon's been going through lately, or how scared and confused he's been, or about Jon's very serious problems that are complicated and terrifying and can't be fixed with something as childish and simple as a--
"Yes, please," Jon says, the words coming out in an exhale of pent-up tension, and he all but collapses into Martin's open arms. His face lands just under Martin's chin, half-tucked into his shoulder, and he's just barely able to wrap his arms around Martin's midsection as Martin hugs him back tightly, squeezing him against his chest, and Jon had never known how strong Martin was, how much he had been hiding beneath those soft jumpers of his. His arms, all muscle beneath fat, feel as though they could fight off an army if they really wanted to, and despite his nagging paranoia, Jon can't help but feel utterly protected by them. He feels himself relaxing, bit by bit, sinking into the softness of Martin's chest, letting him hug him closer, just tight enough to be secure without hurting. As he leans into the hug, he doesn't feel any concern about Martin losing his grip or slipping backwards. Martin can take his weight; he knows this. He is as solid and reliable as a wall, and just as stubborn, and he will not drop Jon. Jon lets out a deep sigh, his breaths evening out and slowing, tension seeping from his limbs until he feels entirely relaxed. He feels cared for. He feels safe. It's been so, so long since he's felt safe.
He doesn't even notice that he's closed his eyes until Martin's arms shift around him, and Jon realizes they've been hugging for probably way longer than is normal. His eyes snap open and he backs off, hands sliding away from Martin, clearing his throat awkwardly. He tries not to miss the gentle security of Martin's arms.
"Um," Martin says, sounding like he's about to apologize, but Jon interrupts him.
"Thank you," he says, trying to keep his voice even. "That was--I, um. I needed that." When was the last time he'd hugged someone? Jon can't even remember. "It was really nice," he says quietly. Another one of Martin's brilliant ideas.
Martin nods, looking relieved, and perhaps a little fond, though it may just be Jon's imagination. "Anytime," he says, and Jon thinks he might mean it. He hopes he does. "What are friends for, eh?"
Jon blinks. Are they friends? How long has that been the case? He looks at Martin, hands stuffed into his coat pockets, a small smile on his face, and he thinks that yes, maybe they are friends. It would be nice to be friends, anyway. If Martin says they're friends, Jon won't correct him. "Yeah," he says, and he's very glad to see Martin's face brighten at the word. "I, um," and Jon needs to clear his throat again, "I-I'll try. To have a break once in a while."
"Promise?" Martin says, and Jon can't help but laugh.
"I promise."
Martin nods. "Okay. Good."
"This, today, lunch I mean, this was nice. I'd . . . um. I'd like to do it again."
"Oh! Um, sure. Definitely," Martin says, smiling.
"We can go to that Indian place," Jon says.
"Sure," Martin says. "Tomorrow?" His look is hesitant, but Jon's answer is immediate.
"Yes," he says, letting a smile run over his lips. "Yes, Martin, I'd like that very much."
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What's It To You?
Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)
Warnings: Swearing
Genre: Angst, Fluff
Summary: To some people, relationship labels aren’t important. To some they aren’t important only in theory. Well, Y/N finds out she falls in the later category, leading to a falling out with her boyfriend Corpse.
Requested by Anon. You’ll know who you are when you read the fic 😉 Thank you for the ‘angsty argument’ request. I hope I captured what you had in mind and I hope you enjoy the read. Love, Vy 🥰
The time is nearing 7PM and Corpse has barely eaten anything. I always keep track of his meals and time spent in front of a computer screen, making sure he doesn’t spend too much time exhausting his eyes or starving himself. He never notices he’s hungry until he takes a bite of something and his appetite grows in matter of seconds. The real battle is to get him to take that first bite.
I get up from the couch, walking into the kitchen. I open the fridge, scanning its contents for any ideas that might pop into my head for dinner. When nothing comes to mind, I resort to my last option - asking him. There’s only a slight chance he’ll be of any help. He’ll most likely say he’s not hungry or that he’ll make himself something late. He never does. I’ve gotten used to him being a man-child when it comes to eating. In the eleven months that we’ve been dating, I’ve force fed him more times than he has eaten on his own terms.
I go upstairs, stopping outside the door to his recording room to see if he’s talking to someone so I don’t walk in and interrupt. When no noises come from the inside I knock.
“Come in.“
Upon opening the door, I’m met with Corpse nonchalantly sitting in his desk chair, leaning as back as he can without tipping over. Arms folded behind his head, legs stretched out in front of him. The whole nine yards, suggesting that he not streaming.
“Hey.“ He greets me as he turns his chair a bit in an attempt to face me
“Hey, what’d you like for dinner?“ He opens his mouth to reply the millisecond after I have spoken my question. I already know what that reply will be so I hurry to prevent it, “And no, ‘later’ and ‘I’m not hungry’ aren’t on the menu.“
He sighs, shaking his head as though he’s disappointed that I caught onto his game. The smile that slowly makes its way to his lips, however, suggests that he appreciates my concern. “Grilled cheese sandwiches? I mean, if you feel like it.”
I smile, relieved that the usual convincing portion of our interaction on this specific matter has been avoided. “Ok. Be down in fifteen then.” I give him a nod before heading back out into the hallway.
Before I am able to close the door, I hear someone else’s voice come from behind me. “Hey Corpse, was that on your end?”
Oh shit, he wasn’t muted
“Yeah man, sorry. Accidentally unmuted myself.“ Corpse sounds unbothered by this, but I am a little uneasy now.
Corpse and I have agreed to keep our relationship by a ‘won’t ask, won’t tell’ rule - if someone asks him if he’s in a relationship, he won’t lie and say no, but we haven’t gone public nor do we plan on doing so without someone asking us about it head-on. Well, not us. Him. His friends don’t know me and neither do his fans. I’m not in the same industry. I don’t stream nor film YouTube videos. The most I do for that platform is help Corpse with some editing when he needs to have a rest. So, if anyone were to reveal our relationship, it’d be him.
“Oooh, who was that?“ A girl’s voice asks teasingly. “Corpse, what are you not telling us?“
By this point, I’m out in the hall but I left my ears in the room. I know I’m not in the right here - eavesdropping is most definitely not nice, but I can’t help myself.
I hear him chuckle, “Nah, it’s just my friend Y/N.”
My heart drops so suddenly for a reason beyond my understanding. I feel like a kid feels when it’s told Santa isn’t real - I can’t believe what I heard.
I hurry to get back downstairs as soon as possible and also as quietly as I can. It’s tough, running with a pit in your stomach and a knot of I’m pretty sure is tears in your throat. When I’m finally in the kitchen, the aforementioned tears are blurring my vision. I try to blink them away but accidentally send one of them trickling down my cheek.
I’m aware this might be an overreaction and if I stopped to think I could probably find ways to justify what Corpse said. But I’m genuinely hurt, and I hate that I am.
I’ve never cared about what others know about me or think of me. Same goes for my relationships. I don’t put labels on things nor on my connection to people. I am surprised and disturbed by how much the label ‘friends’ bothers me. We’ve been dating for almost a year now, you’d think calling me his girlfriend would be second nature. Guess not.
I swallow the hurt and surprise, deciding to keep myself busy with the preparations for the dinner I was planning to make. However, keeping my hands full and giving my eyes a place to look doesn’t stop my thoughts from eating away at me.
* * *
Twenty minutes later the sound of a door opening echoes from upstairs, followed by the sound of footsteps going through the hallway and then down the stairs.
“It smells so good in here.“ He comments, his eyebrows raising when he takes in the freshly made sandwiches on the kitchen island. “You’re the best, Y/N.“
“Hmm, aren’t you lucky you have a friend who knows their way around the kitchen, huh?“ I reply sharply, not even sparing him a glance.
In the twenty minutes I was left alone with my wilding thoughts I declared that I wouldn’t beat around bush when he comes downstairs. That I would address the issue and tell him exactly how I feel about it. What I didn’t plan was being so harsh. I actually barely contain a wince when I realize how sharp of an edge my words had.
I feel ten times more guilty when I see the regret that flashes on his face, “You heard that.” He grips the edges of the table, leaning down and letting out a sigh, “I’m sorry, I panicked.”
The anger in me evaporates, leaving room for the hurt to keep spreading and take over me. I was never really angry with him, I’m just upset by the fact that his immediate reaction wasn’t to refer to me as his girlfriend.
“Why would you panic? What’s it to you if they know?“ My voice is barely above a whisper now, the tears I’m fighting back are clogging my throat, not allowing me to sound as clearly as I’d like.
“What’s it to you? I thought you didn’t care.“ He argues back, his gaze travelling from the tabletop to my eyes. I see the guilt in all his features and his body language.
“I thought so too.“ I shake my head, “But hearing you call me a ‘friend’...’just a friend’ stings. I don’t even know why, but it does. It feels almost like you are embarrassed of me. If that’s the case you can just tell me, you know?“
In a blink of an eye he’s crouched down in front of me, one hand holding both of mine while the other cups my cheek. “It’s not. It has never been and it will never be the case. You are one amazing person, Y/N. You deserve the world, not to be stuck with me. I’m just...” He trails off, his eyes not able to focus on mine any longer, “I’m scared of how people knowing about us will affect our relationship.”
My blood starts boiling again. I know I need to get away from him before I reach the point of saying something that’ll hurt him, so I untangle my hands from his grasp, pulling away from him. “Weak excuse, Corpse. You know it will change nothing except make me feel more included in your life. I will no longer feel like I’m a house rat no one knows about.” I stand up, unable to look at him, and start heading for the staircase.
“Y/N, please! ”I stop dead in my tracks when he calls out my name, his footsteps following behind me. “Don’t be...-”
I turn around, cutting him off in the process, “I need to be alone right now.” I tilt my head in the direction of the dining table, “Sit down and eat dinner. We’ll talk...later.”
* * *
Now that it’s been almost twelve hours with no contact between us I realize that my reaction was justified only to a certain extent. I understand his concerns and I could’ve expressed mine a little more calmly and in a lot less accusatory manner. But what happened happened and all I can do now is go over to him and apologize, establish a proper communication to resolve the issue that I so stupidly blew out of proportion.
My phone died sometime during the night and has been sitting on the charger but still turned off for a while. I go over to it and press-hold the start button. While it’s powering up I start changing my from my pajamas into my regular clothes, noticing a small stain on my shirt in the process. As I’m examining the stain, my phone starts going crazy with notifications, causing me to jump and drop my shirt.
“Fucking hell.” I mumble, disconnecting my phone from the charger and looking at the huge list of notifications on my lock screen. They are all alerts of new followers, likes and tags, non from people I know. Non except one.
@ corpse_husband tagged you in a post
Wait what?
I tap the notification which leads me to a picture Corpse posted two hours ago. It’s a picture of me taken in the living room without my knowledge. I’m an oversized sweater and yoga pants, my hair in a messy braid and my attention caught by the book in my hands. My glasses have slipped a bit down my nose, suggesting that I’m too concentrated on the contents of the pages in front of me that I haven’t noticed.
We started off as friends but it didn’t take long for her to become my best friend. And then she stole my heart. I know you’ll read this eventually, Y/N. So...hi. Love you.
PS - the sandwiches were bomb 🖤
I’m more than caught off guard. Like a surprise hug from behind, warmth spreading all throughout my body.
Without a second of hesitation I put my phone down and run to the bedroom door. However, I don’t make it very far considering I nearly run straight into Corpse’s chest as I exit the room. He catches me before I knock him straight to the ground, thankfully.
“Aren’t you a rocket this morning. Where are you headed?“ He chuckles, holding onto my upper arms.
One look at his smile, a single word out of his mouth and I’m melting. I walk straight into him, wrapping my arms around his torso, hiding my face in his chest. He comfortably rests his chin on the top of my head, not asking any further questions until I finally answer.
“Right here. I was heading for you.“ I whisper before I pull away enough to be able to look him in the eyes. “I wanted to tell you how sorry I am. I was being childish and overdramatic and I’m sorry about all I said. I was really upset.“
“It’s ok, baby. I’m sorry for making you upset in the first place. I understand now how much it means to you.“ He caresses my cheekbone with the back of his hand. “I...um...tried to make things right by...“
I push up on my toes, pressing my lips against his, putting an end to his timid stuttering. “I saw it.” I mumble in the kiss.
“Did you like it?“
“I loved it.“
“Did you read the comments?“
My heart skips a beat when I hear that dreaded term. Just the thought of reading through the comments terrifies me. I tell myself that some strangers’ words aren’t gonna have an impact on me, but I know they will. Especially since these ‘strangers’ mean so much to Corpse.
I shake my head. He pulls away, taking my hand and leading me towards the living room. “You have to. You’re gonna love them.”
I reluctantly follow him, plopping down on the couch next to him as he pulls out his phone and scrolls through the comment section of the picture he posted. He was right. All these people have said such things about me and about our relationship. Some verified names are also there, sharing their support much like the fans.
“See, this is why I was nervous. I’ll have to do duels for your attention now.“ He glances at me, leaning in and kissing my temple as he sometimes does so impulsively.
“You don’t do duels when you are already sitting at the throne. Right next to me.“ I once again capture his lips with mine, tempted to never pull away, but also tempted to keep reading the comments.
Damn, he might be right about the duels.
He takes his phone from me setting it aside as he slowly lifts me and settles me in his lap, never letting our lips detach.
Nevermind. Fuck the duels
@susceptible-but-siriusexual @simonsbluee @save-the-sky @hacker-ghost @itsminniekat @bi-andready-tocry @imtiredaffff @jazzkaurtheglorious @hereforbeebo @fandomgirl17 @chrysanthykios @maehemscorpyus @loraleiix @letsloveimagines @annshit @i-cant-choose-a-username-help @enigmaticmaze
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