#that he won't allow himself to think of him as vito and certainly not as father
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Wow, Tom really spent decades in a perpetual fawning reaction and convinced that it was the absolute best life he could have ever gotten 🙃
#tom hagen#the godfather#this scene hurts me so bad guys#sonny's death is clearly the greatest loss of tom's adult life (maybe even his entire life)#and he doesn't even allow himself to show *guilt* without even talking about pain unless he's sure vito will be ok with it#there's another quote where vito tells him that tom knows him better than anyone else#which was probably very validating to tom and is also fairly sweet of vito in the context#but it's also like...#yeah of course he knows you better than anyone else#he spent his entire life training himself to completely disregard his own needs or emotions so he could be more attuned to yours#read litterally anything about extreme people pleasing and fawning as a result of severe childhood neglect/trauma and it's just tom#of course the mafia structure and dynamics contributed to the whole things but it clearly goes beyond that#thinking about that cut scene from the godfather 2 were tom thinks about how everything was so easy and perfect when vito was alive#which is like...demonstrably false but tom just can't get himself to accept that not even in the privacy of his own brain#there's really a part of him that never matured passed the 10 years old boy who had just got saved by vito and it shows#also it might just be puzo's writing style but there's something in the repetition of 'the Don' here that really hurts me#tom is so crushed by grief and guilt at what he perceives to be his own failure#that he won't allow himself to think of him as vito and certainly not as father#just as the Don who has the power to tell 'such a man' exactly how to feel and how to show it#i made myself sad i'm going to bed :(
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