#that for self preservation I just completely cut him (and by collateral a lot of people I knew in high school) out of my life

[dr-piss-thief-phd]

One thing I hate about this site is that when I block someone their reblog a with comments still show up on my dash so I have to see their annoying fucking takes all the time still

[pynkhues]

(1/2) Hey, I'm the anon from the last request. Just have a few follow up q's if you're alright with that (dont have a tumblr to message directly rip)? With Gerri, its strange that she's Shiv's godmother yet both Shiv and Roman dont really know her in the pilot- was there a prior schism? Also did not know about St Andrews, if its not a military school then do you think it adds another layer to the dog kennel story?

(2/2- sorry!) I get what you mean when you say he also coddles Roman but to me its the emotional detachment thats striking. Like in the car post-slapgate, its obvs awks from the slap but they also don't seem to have natural connection or conversation vs Logan and car scenes with the others. There's also the references to him beating Roman (not to say he didn't beat the others but its only Roman mentioned). I think in s3, his new status as fave son might bring up some old wounds for Roman.

(x)

Hey! Ooo, these are really great follow ups, thank you! I hope you don't mind me breaking them into sections!

Is it strange that Shiv and Roman don't really know Gerri well in the pilot?

It is strange, but I also think it's just the result of a few things being shuffled around post-pilot. Pilots are usually shot months if not a whole year before the first season is as the point of them is to sell the network on the show. In that sense, they're effectively proof-of-concept tools and so it's common for things to change. I'm not sure if you're a crossover anon, haha, but I talk a lot about Good Girls as well, and the pilot of that even had a completely different lead actress they had to do re-shoots around for 1.01.

Jesse Armstrong, the Succession showrunner, has said that a few things were shuffled around after the pilot – one of the biggest things for instance is that Roman wears a wedding ring in the pilot and Grace is supposed to be his wife (she's even listed as Grace Roy in 1.01 on IMDB!) and Isla their daughter together. They changed that after the pilot though because they thought it worked better with Grace as just his girlfriend, and Isla as Grace's daughter, not his.

I think Gerri's role in the show really bulked up between the pilot and episode 2, and that's why there's more distance between the Roy kids and Gerri in the first couple of episodes than there is later in the season. Gosh, even the fact that she's not at Logan's 80th birthday party in the pilot feels so weird now with how much they've shifted her role in the family, haha.

Rest of the answers under the cut!

Does St. Andrew's not being a military school when Roman attended add another layer to the dog kennel plot?

Yeah, I think it does, but I also think more than anything, it's reiterating what's already there. That entire subplot is really steeped in how Kendall, Roman and Connor all have different memories of this same game. For Roman it's formative, for Kendall it's just a memory of a childish game, and for Connor, it's seen as through older eyes and, more than anything, an insight into their father, not an insight into Roman and Kendall.

In a lot of ways, Roman stressing that St Andrew's was a military school when it wasn't undermines his own memory of the game, just as Connor telling him it wasn't dogfood it was chocolate cake does, just as Connor telling him he asked to be sent away does. Does that make it any less real for Roman? I don't think so. It's obviously something he's remembered as traumatic, and it resulted in a very real, tangible removal of him from Manhattan, where Kendall and Shiv stayed and went to school. Regardless of whether or not it was military school, it was a boarding school, and I think that feeling of distance and isolation was likely very real.

I'm really curious though about Connor's different stories to Kendall and Roman. He tells Roman that he asked to be sent away, and Kendall that their dad sent Roman because you separate fighting dogs and you send the weak one away so that everyone knows the hierarchy. The interesting thing though to me is that I think Connor was telling the truth in both instances, but the former does make the latter read differently.

If Roman wanted to go, it undermines Connor's memory of Logan, because Logan was not only giving Roman what he wanted, but he was giving Roman greater freedom, greater independence, greater agency at an outdoorsy boarding school that wasn't actually a military school at all. So does that mean that Logan saw Roman as the weak dog, or Kendall? Who he kept close and on a short leash in the comfort of home?

Kendall obviously takes Connor at his word, but I'm not so sure that we're supposed to as an audience. I think the story can be read in a lot of different ways, and more than anything, I think it can be read as Logan understanding that Kendall and Roman were not (and are not) the same, and needed different things as children. How that can be spun though is anyone's guess.

Are Logan and Roman emotionally distant?

That's an interesting point about the emotional distance there. I think there is and there isn't? Logan obviously dotes on Shiv and pendulums between coddling, controlling and bullying Kendall, but I think both of those things are more just indicative of really different dynamics. Roman's clearly got a 'class clown' sort of personality that Logan obviously doesn't appreciate and struggles to deal with, particularly given he's a pretty humourless guy (gosh, I think a lot about the fact that one of the only times we've seen Logan actually laugh was when the kids didn't want to see their mum, haha).

In that sense though, I think Logan doesn't understand Roman. It comes back to what I said in the other post – I actually do think Logan sees Roman's strengths, and the fact that Roman doesn't utilise them is, I think to Logan, unforgivable. Logan had to claw his way out of abject poverty through whatever it was he could get, and while Shiv, Kendall and Connor lack, I think Logan looks at Roman and sees waste.

It's why he doesn't have a stomach for the jokes, or the immaturity, and I think contributes to this failure to connect emotionally because he doesn't understand Roman in the way that he understands Shiv's rebellion and Kendall's foibles.

The aftermath of him hitting Roman is interesting too, because I actually think Logan's not trying to create distance in the aftermath, I think he's trying to re-write history to preserve his sense of self. He offers the untruth to Roman as an opening – a map for them to navigate unstable and uncertain terrain, and Roman takes it and follows his lead because he doesn't know how to navigate it either.

Does that make it right or forgiveable? Absolutely not – Logan hit his son, and trying to make everyone pretend that that never happened is an awful example of gaslighting – but I also find it really indicative of the cycle of abuse. We know that Noah was horrifically abusive to Logan, as seen by the scars on his back, and I actually get the impression that Logan tried not to be abusive to his children, but sometimes was because of his temper and his health.

Like, I think when he struck Iverson in the thanksgiving ep it was the first time he'd ever raised a hand to one of his grandchildren, especially given the reaction of people, and even hitting Roman summoned a pretty huge reaction from people, and seemed not to be something Roman was prepared for. It also I think stems back to that point of Logan not knowing how to handle Roman (or Iverson!) and resorting to violence he very quickly regrets because for a man who runs the news, he very rarely utilises words.

Logan was raised in violence, and I think it's a language he's both fluent in and has tried to reject, but one he falls back on when he can no longer communicate.

It's wrong, and awful, of course, but I think it's really interesting because I think it's deliberately a part of this broader theme with the Roy's about how fractured their communication with one another is. They don't know how to connect or talk to each other, and so frequently that breaks down into violence, whether to each other or themselves or to the collateral damage - the NRPIs.

I totally agree though that I think some Thoughts around all of this is likely to resurface for Roman in season 3, especially as Logan no doubt starts to lean on him as the new heir.

[gunnerpalace]

It is Time to Kill The Common Understanding of the Dome of Las Noches Fight Once and for All

I’ve been thinking about @starrdustcrusader​‘s post making fun of BBS’s interpretation of Full Hollow Ichigo, and while it is very good and covers a lot, I felt that I had something further to add. Please go read that post first so you are on the same page.

I also invite you to go read chapter 350, The Lust 4, and the next few chapters as well.

Now, like I said, the post in question does a very good job of pointing out what’s happening here: Full Hollow Ichigo has less than zero concern for Uryuu or Orihime. He is not interested in protecting them whatsoever. Indeed, he directly attempts to kill Uryuu, with that attack being very likely to kill Orihime as well. It is only stopped by Ulquiorra’s intervention.

And why did Ichigo attack Uryuu? Because he was a threat.

When you are doing dispassionate threat analysis, whether that be tactical or strategic, when you are thinking with an essentially military mindset, motive stops really mattering, because it cannot be taken for granted. What matters is capability. What someone says their intentions are, or what their intentions seem to be, often matter less from this perspective than what they can do, or are doing.

What is Uryuu doing in this fight? He is interfering with Full Hollow Ichigo killing Ulquiorra. And that is Full Hollow Ichigo's only goal. Thus, Uryuu is an enemy and is also to be killed.

And so is Orihime (if “merely” as collateral damage).

It's that simple. This is again pointed out in the original post. In the same way that Ulquiorra earlier said to Ichigo that, "Killing you is synonymous with protecting Las Noches," killing Uryuu and Orihime at this point is synonymous with “protecting,” because they are in the way and are actively impeding the mission. (”Protecting” what? We’ll come back to that.)

I haven’t said anything new yet, now have I? So let’s get to that.

Here is Orihime demonstrating several flavors of hubris, and also completing failing to do anything to save Uryuu from his imminent demise. What do I mean? Well, let’s take apart her statements:

“Because I said that, Kurosaki-kun is trying to help me.” This is an assumption on her part, and it is wrong.

“I trained because I didn’t want to be a burden to him.” Mind you, she also says this in both the Xcution and TYBW arcs, and is a burden and fails in both as well (the infamous ”Why am I crying?” and “Her shield didn’t work” moments). This should have been a learning moment for her and it was not.

“I came here because I wanted to protect him.” There are other meta posts that detail the selfishness of Orihime’s actions in Hueco Mundo and in general. I would also like to point out that this was also her exact same logic in going to Soul Society. She didn’t learn anything from that experience either.

“So why? Why at the very end did I depend on him?” A great question. One that she never truthfully owns up to, given (2). But there was a reason Kisuke told her to stay out of the war. You may recall Rukia's statement to Orihime in chapter 228, Don't Look Back, that "In a battle, the ones who get in the way are not the ones that lack power, but the ones that lack resolve." She went on to say "Of all the battles in Soul Society, no one was a burden to anyone else. Not Ichigo, nor Sado, nor Ishida, and neither were you, Inoue. If any of you were less than who you are, I wouldn't be where I am today." This was very charitable of Rukia, because Orihime's contribution to her rescue was negligible and was, to reiterate, not why she was even there. Furthermore, Orihime didn't listen to her here either: she is once again demonstrating a lack of resolve, as she will continue to.

So Orihime doesn’t learn. Great. But maybe you’re thinking about (1). What do I mean she was wrong? I mean, doesn’t the manga confirm she’s right?

This is the crux of that argument. And this is also one of the cruxes of IchiHime as a whole. The thing is... it’s complete and utter bullshit.

This is the exact same scene in the original Japanese:

Now, I don’t speak or read Japanese very well at all. I’m still a novice at it. What I can do, however, is use optical character recognition and translation tools.

(よ)呼んでる - Yonderu - Calling

(よ)呼んでるんだ - Yonderunda - They’re calling

(き) 聞 こえる -  Kikoeru - I can hear

(た)立てよ - Tateyo - Stand up

(た)立 て - Tate - Stand

(おれ)俺が - Ore ga - I will

(おれ)俺が - Ore ga - I will

俺が護る - Ore ga mamoru - I will protect

(The parentheticals are furigana used as a pronunciation guide.)

Now do you see a single instance of “her” or “she” in this dialogue, particularly when it comes to the final line of “I will protect”? No, you don’t. Because it’s not there. It was never there until a biased translator inserted it into the dialogue. I’m not alone in this analysis, by the way.

Quite some time ago, @kodoku-no-maria​​ did a wonderful analysis about Ichigo’s instincts (”Mistranslations that Created the IH Fandom”) that also covered this (using anime quotes instead) and came to a similar conclusion. It’s a great post and you should read it. 

This isn’t the post she mentions in hers, but there is one done specifically of the manga by a deactivated account. You should read this post too. (This also notes other things, such as how Orihime says “Help, Kurosaki-kun!” and not “Help me, Kurosaki-kun!” so we can take it that the Mangastream / Mangareader English translation is just generally dodgy all around at this point. Which may well impact the points I made above about Orihime’s character; but I think given the events of the Xcution and TYBW arcs that it is evident she did not in fact learn anything, so I will stand by the basic thrust of them.)

Okay, so I’ve marshaled my evidence on the battle and provided corroborating analysis. (I have also reblogged all three of these posts because they’re good, although the links are to the original sources or as close to them as I could get.) 

Ichigo didn’t turn into Full Hollow Ichigo because of Orihime. She had nothing to really do with it. Great. So what?

Well, let’s now move on to my theory.

Now, you might be thinking that it is fairly obvious that all of those lines are Ichigo’s inner monologue. But I don’t think it’s so obvious. In fact, I would suggest to you that it is actually a dialogue.

On the second page, with the third panel, it suddenly zooms in to the wound in Ichigo’s torso. This notably later becomes Full Hollow Ichigo’s Hollow hole. You notice here the dialogue changes, from commands (e.g., “Stand”) to personal pronouns (e.g., “I”).

I would submit to you that the first three lines are Ichigo’s. But I don’t think the last five are. I think they belong to two other entities. Especially the last three. First, let me steal two of Maria’s highlighted panels to make a point:

So who is talking? It’s simple:

Do you really think it’s a coincidence that Zangetsu (Hollow Zangetsu) shows up wearing the exact same outfit as ‘Full Hollow Ichigo’ after Tensa Zangetsu gives a speech about how:

I don’t think so. Ichigo "fell into despair and halted [his] progress" and Zangetsu, as 'Full Hollow Ichigo' is "the "source of [his] despair." (This is the same despair that Rukia noticed when Ichigo came down from the top of the dome to confront Yammy.) As has been previously pointed out in the linked posts, we see this despair on the dome after Ulquiorra’s defeat in Ichigo’s attitude. Starrdust covered these, but let’s go over them again:

He’s doesn’t seem all that shocked or concerned here, to be honest.

He’s a lot more shocked at what he did to Uryuu.

But the thing that really gets him is that he’s gone and killed Ulquiorra. That’s his despair.

This is the first time he’s out and out killed somebody. (And yeah, Ulquiorra is dead because he had his bits vaporized with a cero, not purified.)

He finally has to learn this isn’t all fun and games, that you can’t turn everyone to your side and redeem them and be friends with them afterward, as he did with Ikkaku, Renji, Kenpachi, Byakuya, and even to an extent Dordoni and Grimmjow. This is exactly what Dordoni was warning him about. This is the lesson he will be forced to learn again after weakening Aizen long enough for Kisuke’s kidou to work on him.

And it is why later, his determination to “save everyone” in the Xcution arc by cutting Ginjou down and killing him (even if he turns into a Plus as revealed in TYBW, undermining the whole symbolic importance of the act) is a big deal for his character development, and one of the few redeeming aspects of that arc: it shows that Ichigo learned a lesson from this fight: sometimes to protect you have to kill.

And who taught him that lesson? Zangetsu.

Who was speaking in the 4th and 5th lines in that transformation sequence? My bet is “Zangetsu” (Quincy Zangetsu) or Tensa Zangetsu. And who was speaking in the 6th, 7th, and 8th lines? Zangetsu.

What was Zangetsu protecting? Ichigo. That’s his instinct. That’s all he cares about protecting, just like Tensa Zangetsu. He sure the fuck wasn’t protecting Orihime or Uryuu. And the mask of ‘Full Hollow Ichigo’ is there to protect those instincts. And the mindless rage of ‘Full Hollow Ichigo’ is Zangetsu’s rage at Ulquiorra for trying to kill Ichigo.

We of course know from much later, in TYBW, that zanpakutou spirits aren’t some separate entity from the wielder, but are the wielder (hence why we go from “The Blade and Me” to “The Blade IS Me”) which Ichigo will affirm in the reforging of his into the “two Zangetsus.” So this can ultimately be read as self-preservation instinct. These are the aspects of Ichigo that were willing to do what he himself consciously wouldn’t in order to stay alive.

(Also, Uryuu was an idiot and wrong to stop Zangetsu as Ulquiorra still clearly constituted a threat, so he frankly got what he deserved, if a bit harshly.)

In summary, not only did the fight above the dome in Las Noches not have anything to do with protecting Orihime, but it was entirely about Ichigo’s character development and relations with the personifications of his powers, and everyone has been reading it completely fucking wrong for years and years.

If you don’t know, now you know.

[bellaciaobitch]

ESCAPAR

Summary: AU | Raquel decides to stay with Sergio instead of visiting Angel in the hospital, afraid she will get arrested in the process. So she ends up escaping with the gang and has to learn how to live as a fugitive.   [AO3] [spirit]

Chapter 5 - Daños colaterales

Raquel opened slowly her eyes to see the dark blurred silhouettes of armchairs. She blinked a few times but the huge headache throbbing in her brain made it difficult to find something familiar in such a foreign place. It took her a few minutes to recognize she was inside an airplane, laid in one of the first class seats, covers warming her from shoulders to toes. The lights were down and the night outside was dark and cloudy, the moonlight hidden behind a heavy shadow. It looked like the scene from a horror movie where the curious cop dies because she put her nose where she shouldn’t. She swallowed, a bad feeling making her heart pound in her chest.

Slowly, just like waves in the sea, the memories of what happened the days before popped up in her mind. One by one, they created form behind her eyelids, shaping painful moments she preferred not to remember. First the five angsty days of heist, then the way the world stopped spinning when she found out about Serios's double identity. She remembered the agonizing phone call with Angel, the uncertainty of the escape, the epic scene she did on the dock, and finally the knock on the head. Raquel touched her forehead softly and felt little stitches just above her eyebrow, wondering if it would leave a scar.

Suddenly an avalanche of doubts hit her, and Raquel felt scared when she didn’t found Sergio anywhere. Where was he? Where she was going? And why? Did the thieves got arrested? Did he got hurt? Did he…?

Raquel sat in the armchair and took a few deep breaths, trying to avoid a possible panic attack. She began to rationalize and pondered the possibility that he had left her on the first plane back to Madrid, just to get rid of her. Considering everything, probably 68% chance. And if her math was correct, she must have hurt his feelings really, she concluded, but it was still better than losing him forever.

There, in the dark, Rachel felt exactly like when she was married to Alberto: alone, helpless and terrified. And she hated it. She hated being the victim, but most of all, she hated how much she needed Sergio there. Because, after everything that happened between them, Raquel could not continue telling herself that she did not want him.

Because she wanted him. Badly.

And that feeling as was a good reason for her to get rid of the covers and stand up, ignoring the alarming pain in her temples. The inspector slowly crept up on the corridor of the plane, trying to look for him through the nearest seats. But she not only didn’t find him but nobody else. The plane was completely empty and when Raquel was almost reaching the cabin of the pilot, a whispered voice startled her.

“You’re awake” Sergio noticed and she turned around to face him. He had changed clothes and finally Raquel noticed that so did she. Him in a ripped jeans and flannel shirt,— too messy for his meticulous organized manners — and she in a summer dress. Disguises for the police, she deduced. And when she imagined Sergio undressing and dressing her sleepy self, her cheeks flushed immediately.

Raquel looked at him from head to toe frowning, bareilly registering the fact that he was alive when her view became dizzy again and her knees failed.

“Hey, careful!” he warned and quickly got her in the air, supporting her weight before she hitted the floor. Sergio helped her get back to her seat without looking too much inside her eyes. Raquel noticed, but didn’t comment. She felt a weird guilty cooking in her belly and wanted to apologize for whatever reckless thing she made. But she refrained, still with a lot of questions circling her mind that couldn’t wait until she was in a better state.

“How long I sleeping...?” she had a few difficulties to come up with a proper question but he didn’t seem to mind.

“A little less than ten hours” he answered, seating in front of her and she found herself missing his touch. “The doctor said it’s normal in patients with a concussion. You needed a few stitches in that cut in your head but if you rest properly, you will feel better soon.”

“I can’t rest until I know where we are” she offered, looking around again “or where are we going”.

Sergio sighed and took off his glasses to wipe them with the flannel shirt. "Our first stop is in Switzerland. I need to ... solve problems." He hesitated for a moment, but decided to stay quiet, making her eyebrows furrow even more.

“And the thieves?” she tried.

"I sincerely do not know." He answered in a cold tone. "And as long as we keep this way, it will be better. They will be safe "

From cops like you, he wanted to complete, but didn’t meant to be so rude.

Sergio averted her eyes, looking seriously at the small window of the plane. Raquel didn’t know much about him, but noticed right from the start that he was shy and preserved with his emotions. Unlike the professor, she could not imagine Sergio screaming in anger, making a big scene or being aggressive. He had an expression in his face that was difficult to read, something between calm and disinterest, but the woman could see that he shivered a little. And the short answers, the cold tone and the distant eyes gave all the information she needed. He was hurt. And it was because of her.

Raquel suddenly wanted to cry but bravely hold on the tears. His sudden rejection and disinterest somehow caused her more pain then the bruises Alberto used to left on her skin and even the possibility that she might have lost his love made her dizzy again. She didn’t realized how much her inconscient needed affection until he took it away from her and she felt weak and vulnerable.  After all, she didn’t escaped with them just because of the fear of being arrested. That was far worse than if he would have left her in a plane back home, as she imagined.

The truth was that Raquel had always known how to be the heroine. She could not imagine how horrible it was to be on the other side of the line, to be the one who ruined everything on purpose, to save her own skin. Being a villain was never in her plans and she refused to believe he was framing her in this category. Because even if she had betrayed his confidence - just as Sergio had done with her before - she wouldn’t have to make that scene if he wasn’t trying to ruin her life by making her fall in love with the biggest thief in Spain. And, well, even after everything they been through, they still cared about each other’s well-beings and proved everyday that they shared deep feelings for the each other. So the two of them should be even after all. Right?

Her mind then started to work as a rotten machine, placing together conflicting feelings and trying to build more than one thought at a time but not finishing none.

“Sergio, I-“ Raquel stopped, closing her eyes and exhaling the air. She didn’t even know if she was really supposed to say sorry. After all, she was thinking about herself! She had that right, after all the insanity he put her through. But the crushing guilty didn’t left her beating heart. The inspector felt too tired. Tired of thinking, loving, suffering, refraining, trying to understand and demanding explanations. Because all this was loaded with an overwhelming intensity, characteristic of Raquel Murillo, and a weight that her shoulders could no longer carry. Raquel wished she didn’t have to feel so much, all the time. She felt the words disappear on his lips, his vision coming in and out of focus.

Sergio turned his worried look back to her.  “You’re must be dehydrated” he interrupted, standing up again “Stay still, I will get you something”

It only took a few minutes until he was back with huge tray of food in his hands. There was at least three different flavors of soup, orange juice, pieces of croutons, salad, and sliced fruit inside a glass bowl. She didn’t protest when he placed it on her lap, and sipped one of the soups, only then minding how hungry she was. Raquel ate almost everything she could and when she was finished, felt the slumber heavy in her muscles. Still, she grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers when he leaned in to take the tray away.

“Thank you. For taking care of me” Raquel wanted to say more but he was still staring at the empty plate of soup. When he kept on silent, she cleared her throat “Listen, I’m sorry, I know what I did was stupid and careless but I swear I didn’t meant to hurt you”

“Raquel, I think this… this competition between us must to end.” Sergio said emphasizing the word and finally looked at her, his eyes were sharp as blades. “We don’t need to be professor and inspector anymore”

If there was anything delicate in their relationship, it was that even if they had recently met, Sergio knew exactly how the woman's mind worked. He studied her in every possible way, in and out of duty, spending months analyzing every decision, dissecting every word she said or every move she made. And as Raquel tried to run against him in vain, she felt more and more predictable and manipulated, not even knowing who was really hiding behind the mask that had watched her for so long. It was a competition, but it was unfair and Rachel never asked to be in it.

During those five days, they became so used to hurt each other that it became a collateral damage of their relationship. He ruined her career, she fucked his public reputation. He messed up with her traumas, embarrassing her in front of her friends family and she almost killed the only family he ever had back on the docks, not to mention the death of Berlin that she shared part of the responsibility with the police. Being in such an intense war, constantly opening wounds that didn’t healed and living a relationship haunted by secrets and lies was exhausting and Raquel knew that that’s what Sergio was feeling too. And it made a few questions pop in her mind, as she alternated her glance from his face to their hands together. How long until they stop affecting each other with their selfish choices? Could they ever live peacefully together without always playing catch? Was their love strong enough?

“No, we don’t” she agreed in a bittersweet tone “I guess we have to remember this more often”

Sergio’s cold look turned into sad eyes and Raquel sighed, a melancholic expression of her own. They stayed like that for few seconds, in complete silence. The eyes didn’t dare to meet again and the air was lacking on the lungs while they let the unsaid float beneath the zooming noise of the plane’s turbines. Until he pronounced himself again.

“Sleep now, you need to rest” he remembered and released his hand from hers softly, walking back to the end of the plane. When he was almost disappearing behind the navy curtain, he stopped and turned his head to look her from the corner of his eyes.

“We can try to fix this tomorrow”

[jadehqknb]

Hello my dear! I was wondering if I could request a Yakuza! Kasamatsu where he originally kidnaps reader because her family owes a lot of money. But even when they manage to pay it off, he keeps her because he ends up falling in love with her? However, he lets reader decide if she wants to stay with him or leave?

A/N: Everyone is agedup, therefore, Kasamatsu is not his normal, blushing, can’t talk to women self.That’s all fun and good but I wanted something a bit different with this oneand I hope you all enjoy it. Also, the essence of your ask is here just changedup a little. I hope you love it!

Kasamatsu sighs, rubbingthe sides of his head. This is the part of his job he hates. No, scratch that,he hates his whole existence in this fucked up world he’s been forced topartake in but there’s nothing for it; he has nowhere else to go and he’s intoo deep to ever get out.

Imayoshi smiles, thatinsincere, nefarious smile of his as their latest captive, or as he likes tocall them collateral, is ushered kicking and screaming into one of the “guestrooms”.

“Quite the feisty one,eh?” he asks looking at Kise.

The blonde snorts buthis eyes haven’t lost their gleam. If anything, they’re brighter. “Well if itwere easy all the time that would spoil some of the fun, now wouldn’t it?”

Kasamatsu shakes hishead, still perplexed how this can be the same guy they recruited a year ago.

They didn’t even have towork that hard to persuade him, in fact he came along a little too willinglyfor Kasamatsu’s taste. He remembers thinking Kise was a happy go lucky type ofguy, all sing song voice and flirty eyes, which now given his job as a lureworks well in their favor. But time has worn away that persona, at least behindclosed doors, and Kise’s revealed himself to be quite the deviant and sadisticbastard. He thinks little of almost everyone, barely respecting his higher upsand that’s mostly due to risk of punishment.

You think you know aguy.

Banging is heard uponthe locked door, the woman’s voice shrill and penetrating. “Kindly get her tostuff a sock in it, Kasamatsu,” Imayoshi orders.

The brunette gruntssomething akin to “yes sir” before striding to the door. He yanks it opensharply, a startled cry and wide eyes greeting him. He feels his heart almoststop; she’s gorgeous. Not just that but there’s fire, passion, drive in hereyes. She refuses to be a victim so matter how much she is one now.

“What the hell is this?I demand that you release me! Do you know who my father is?” she yells gettingright in his face. Yep, she’s a brave one. He pushes her back hard enough toland on the bed before slamming the door and crossing his arms.

“One, keep your mouthshut or else I’ll make your stay infinitely less comfortable with a rope andgag,” he says, voice calm and even. He watches her swallow her retort. “Two,we’re very aware of who your father is. Are youaware of the debt he owes Imayoshi? Of the bad investments and the lying andthe book cooking?”

Her eyes get wider andwider with every word he utters, tears clinging to long lashes. “I guess that’sa no,” he remarks leaning against the door. Closing his eyes, Kasamatsu inhalesa deep breath through his nose then opens his eyes once more to meet her gaze.“The grace period ended and when Imayoshi sent his collector, your fathercouldn’t pay. So, you’re here as collateral.” He brushes imaginary dust fromhis suit just to avoid her eyes. “Which means, as long as you follow orders,you can roam freely in the manor. Well, mostly free, since I’ll be accompanyingyou to make sure you don’t run off or get yourself killed somehow.”

He opens the door,turning to look over his shoulder. “For now, I suggest you take a shower andchange into something more comfortable. I’ll see to it that you get somethingto eat.” Then he’s gone, locking the door from behind which he hears renewedsobbing.

He sighs again. Hereally hates this.

Days later and he’sready to punch a wall. He thought his new charge would have some sense ofself-preservation but no, she challenges anyone and everyone she encounters, butmostly him.

“What the fuck is wrongwith you?” he hisses. “Are you trying to get yourself maimed? Or killed?” He’sgot her by the wrist having just caught her trying to escape for the thirdtime.

“You can’t hurt me,” shereasons, “If I’m collateral then part of the agreement must be my safe return, unharmed.”

“For someone who’sfamily is so deep in the business you sure are stupid about it. For one, your theoryis completely wrong. The only reason you’re still in such good condition isbecause I’m in charge of you. But what exactly do you think will happen if youdo manage to escape huh?” Kasamatsu snaps, his voice rising as he pushes up heragainst the wall, hands tightly squeezing her shoulders.

Her eyes are blown wideat his proximity and the intensity of his gaze. “You think this is a fuckinggame? That if you escape you win? Debt dropped because you were clever?”

He huffs, shaking hishead and looking down momentarily before meeting her eyes again. “If youescape, what do you think the next step is in paying the debt? I’ll tell you. Imayoshiwill merely up the cost. Instead of a live hostage, he’ll cut his loss and your father’s life short.”

She inhales sharply,tears leaking down her face. “And he’ll send me to do it as punishment for letting you get away,” he continues,tone bitter.

“That…that’s…” shestutters.

He glares deeper at her.“I hate killing, always have always will. I don’t want this life but I’m stuckto it like a curse. And,” he looks to the door, lowering his voice and hopinghis initial outburst wasn’t overhead before looking back at her, “if you keepdisobeying me, Imayoshi will remove you from my charge to someone more…adept atbreaking people.”

“How true that is, mydear,” Imayoshi says from the doorway making both Kasamatsu and her jump. Hestrides forward, pushing aside his subordinate to roughly clasp her by thechin. Face inches from hers, he speaks in a low menacing tone, and though helooks at her, his words are for Kasamatsu.  

“If I hear that thislittle bird has spread her wings a bit too far one more time, I’ll let Hanamiyaclip them. Understood?” He meets his eyes back to Kasamatsu.

“Yes sir,” comes thequick reply.

Imayoshi releases herchin, giving her a slight smack on the cheek. “Count your lucky stars thatyou’re in Kasa’s care, little bird. He’s one of our more…tenderheartedmembers.”

Standing to his fullheight, Imayoshi straightens his tie and jacket, sending one last look toKasamatsu before turning on his heel and exiting the library. Exhaling a longbreath, the remaining male takes her by the elbow guiding her out into the hall.

“Who…who’s Hanamiya?”she asks numbly.

Kasamatsu tightens hisgrip on her arm. “Trust me, you’re far better off not knowing. By the time hislast collateral’s family paid off their debt the damage was already done.”

“What do you mean?”

He meets his eyes tohers. “She ended up in a mental institution.”  

Since the day in thelibrary, things have been relatively easier with her, at least in terms of hersticking around. She’s still snarky and full of sass but mostly just to annoyhim. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say she was flirting.

But that may just bewishful thinking.

Because resistance isfutile against this woman and he can feel himself succumbing to her charms.Especially when she smiles. It’s uncanny how much a simple tilt of her lips inan upward trajectory can lift his spirits, though he’s careful not to show any indicationof such a thing.

Or at least he thoughthe was until Kise remarks, “If you keep making puppy eyes at her I’m goingto puke.”

Kasamatsu sends him aglare but doesn’t respond, knowing it will only make him worse. The blondesnickers, parting with, “Don’t go falling in love with her. Either way,she won’t be staying forever.”

As he walks away,Kasamatsu clenches his fist, striking the wall in his irritation; Kise’s right.This whole arrangement won’t be indefinite. Imayoshi may be a patient man buthe also has a reputation to maintain.

And everybody pays inone way or another.

It’s like self-fulfillingprophecy. Time has gone by rapidly and Kasamatsu can see the changes in her.She’s more relaxed around him, willing to smile more, even laugh out loudsometimes, usually over a book she’s reading or movie she’s watching. And hecan feel the changes in himself. The unnecessary touches to her body, a guidinghand on her back as they walk through the manor, a hand out to assist her fromher chair. The way he thinks about her constantly, even when he’s in his roomand she in hers.

He knows it’s stupid,stupid and dangerous but they don’t call it falling for nothing and he’sfalling hard and fast.

The manor is quiet, mostof the other members either off for the night having a drink or a screw (ormost likely both) or on jobs of their own. The past month has been building tothis crossroad and Kasamatsu stands rock solid like he’s wearing concrete shoes,his eyes fixed on her face as she inches closer to him.

Her hand settles on hisneck, sending shockwaves through his nerves but he remains still. Slowly she leansforward, breath teasing the sensitive flesh of his lips. “This is just…stressrelease, you understand?”

“Are you trying toconvince me or yourself?” he asks bluntly.

“Screw you,”she breathes closing the distance kissing him harshly.

Kasamatsu can’t stop hishands from moving, one wrapping in her hair while the other locks onto her hip.“If you say so,” he counters huskily.

He pushes her into themattress, mouth and tongue caressing every inch of flesh exposed. She archesand moans, holding onto him so tight he wonders if he’ll bruise. And when shecrests her peak, moaning loudly, “Yukio,” he knows he’s a lost man.

When it’s over, heleaves at her behest, her reasoning that if they keep it to just fucking it’llbe less complicated. “Whatever,” he mumbles pulling up his pants andtossing on his shirt, not bothering to button up the latter.

It happens again threedays later in the storeroom after dinner and then two nights after that in thepool house after dusk.

They both keep sayingtheir trysts can’t continue, he because of attachment issues, she because themore she feels for him the more she feels a traitor to her family. But theycan’t stop, it’s like an addiction, it goes beyond want to need and keepsgetting deeper no matter how many times in so many words they tell themselvesthey don’t care.

The veil of mutual liesfalls even lower tonight when Kasamatsu rises to leave and feels her hand wraparound his wrist.

“Stay,” shesays, the word quiet in the dark, a plea as much as it is an order. AndKasamatsu realizes as he lays back down, drawing her into his embrace, that theroles of warden and captor have switched or at the very least become mutual.

Because he’s irrevocablyin love with her.

The day comes, the dayhe’s dreaded since he first laid eyes on her. If he’s honest, he probably fellfor her then, hair flying wild, eyes full of fear but determination. She waslike no one he’d ever met before and he wants nothing more than to keep her byhis side. But it’s not his choice, nothing in this god forsaken world he livesin is his choice. It’s orders, orders, orders.

And his orders are totake her home.

Through some miracle(more likely an extreme generous or unfortunate “benefactor”) her father’s debtis cleared. She’s no longer a captive of the Yakuza, but she’s definitelyKasamatu’s.

“I don’t want to goback, Yukio, I want to stay here. With you,” she confesses as he gathers herbag filled with items acquired during her time with him.

His head falls back on asigh, arms going slack before he looks at her. “You know that’s not possible.And even if it were, I wouldn’t let you.”

She crosses her arms,finger nails digging into her small biceps, teeth mangling her bottom lip. Heknows she hates showing weakness but she can’t help wearing her emotions in theopen, her heart on her sleeve. “Why?” she whispers, eyes closing in effort totrap her tears.

He flops her bag on thebed to draw her into his arms, inhaling deeply to take in the scent of her. He drawsback, hand caressing her cheek as he stares in her eyes. They’re so pure still,so full of hope and life and good thatit pains him. Everything he’s ever wanted is right here in his arms but heabsolutely will not keep it, will not keep her. Because she’s too good for hisworld.

A dark chuckle almostescapes his lips as memory takes hold of a boy from long ago, one wearing ahigh school basketball jersey and knee-high socks, who for the life of himcouldn’t even speak coherently to agirl let alone do the things and say the words he’s done and said with her.

He opens his mouth butthe moment is broken by a knock at the door. Separating from her, Kasamatsuopens the door revealing Sakurai, who bows low.

“I’m sorry, but the caris waiting,” he says voice shaking.

Kasamatsu nods oncedismissing him. Turning back around, he walks to the bed and picks up her bagbefore placing his hand upon her back, a familiar gesture he doesn’t evenbother hiding anymore. “Come on, it’s time to go,” he says quietly.

The drive to her home issilent, save for muffled sniffles coming from beside him. She insisted she rideup front, the last time she’d have to be by his side. As they reach her family home,Kasamatsu sees her face scrunching up in an attempt not to cry. She failsmiserably. It pierces his heart but he can’t, he won’t be selfish. It’s for her own good that she returns to herfamily, even if they are tied to the business. There’s still time for her to getout, to make a life of her own away from it. Which means, away from him.  

He stops the car andgets out, popping the trunk to gather her bag before reaching the passengerdoor. Opening it, he holds out his hand but she won’t take it, won’t even lookat him. “Hey, come on, they’re waiting for you,” he grunts.

She shakes her head.Groaning softly, Kasamatsu drops his burden to the ground and reaches in tuggingher out, easily moving her smaller frame with his larger one. When shecollapses in his arms he dies a little more inside. “Please,” he mumbles in herhair, “you have to go.” Her head moves back, eyes full of tears. Then suddenly,she puts distance between them just enough to rear back and smack him acrossthe face.

“I love you,” she chokesout. He stays silent. “And I know you love me too Yukio, you may never havesaid it but I could feel it! I could see, cansee it, right now, so why? Why are you doing this?” she shouts.

He grabs her shouldersroughly, pushing her back against the closed door of the car, bearing theweight of his soul in his eyes. “Because I love you too much to corrupt you!I’m nothing! I have nothing! You think I want to stay with the Yakuza, that Iwant to be Imayoshi’s errand bitch boy? I don’t have a fucking choice! He ownsme! Body, soul, mind, all of it, until I die which could be any moment of anyday!” He’s breathing hard, muscles tense and teeth grit. He grabs her chin,kissing her hard, hot and deep. He doesn’t care if anyone sees this, he’smaking a statement and wants the whole fucking world to hear it.

Pulling away, theirbreaths mingle as he says softly, “I will love you until the day I die, but Iwill not let you throw away your life for me. Go, do magnificent things, changethe world, just…live a little bit for me.”

He plants one last kissbefore turning away and heading to the driver’s door, the sound of its slam thefinality of his decision.

He means every word,he’ll die loving her, but he’ll sacrifice both of their happiness to keep her safe.

A month later, hisassertion that he could die at any time almost comes to fruition. He’s sent on a job with Aomine as lookout but their target got the jump on them and he endedup stabbed several times. For all his hard ass talk and “don’t give a fuck” attitude,Kasamatsu had never seen Aomine drive that fast before passing out. It’s amiracle that he survived.

A week has passed sincethe attack and when Kasamatsu opens his eyes for the first time it’s to find her in a hospital chair by his bed. Inhis shock, he tries to sit up resulting in a groan of pain pulling her fromtwilight slumber. Instantly she’s up, one hand grabbing his while the otherlays gently upon his cheek and he almost laughs at the irony that her lasttouch to him there was a bit more stinging. His body reacts to herautomatically, head nuzzling into her touch.

“What the hell are youdoing here?” he asks, tone weaker than he’d prefer.

She smiles softly,leaning down to kiss him and the feel of her, the scent of her, everythingabout her brings him back to life. When she pulls away, she whispers, “Hayakawatold me, or at least tried to tell me, what happened but all I needed tounderstand was you were hurt.” She places a hand over his mouth to coverprotests she’s tired of hearing. “Stop, Yukio, please. I know you think youknow what’s best, and to be honest, you’re probably right. But thanks to myfather and brothers, this world is a part of me now. And if I have to live inhell, I’d rather choose the demons I keep company with.”

He takes in a deepbreath, moving her hand and pulling her forward to kiss again, more deeply,more lovingly, than he’s ever allowed himself. Releasing her mouth reluctantly,he grunts, “And if I have to live in hell, I’d rather keep an angel by my side.”

And a week later when hereturns to the manor, that’s exactly where she is.