#that even chrollo hasnt seen

[deathfavor]

@yeonban said: do you need a hug? / Shal & Chrollo... either after Uvo's/Paku's deaths or after his own & Kortopi's!

It should be a simple answer in theory. But Chrollo Lucilfer is a ghost, and things are rarely simple when it comes to phantoms and spirits. He is a ghost to the world, existing despite the fact that there is no hard proof - no birth certificate, no records, nothing. One simply has to have faith in the fact his is real. Not unlike faith in a god, not unlike faith in a ghost or demon. He is a greater ghost to himself than to the world. He is his own holy church and Hadean prison. Haunted and spectre all in one.

Shalnark's question provokes a moment of reposeful reflection within himself. Does he need a hug? What does he need? Unlike a piece of ancient machinery or mathematical equation, there is no formula to dissect the essence of the human soul. It is not so simply as solving an equation or inputting into a calculator or generator. It will not yield the answer in clear ink and crisp paper. Far too fickle for such limiting constraints.

This is a choice made by sensation. It is made by faith and trust. It is made not by cold and precise calculation, but the spirit's song in cathedral pillars.

" I think so. " Chrollo answers when he's settled upon his truth. There is no right or wrong, there is not even truth and lie. There is what is perceived as his truth and what is not. This answer feels right despite the fact he can neither explain what makes it right nor how he has come to the conclusion: it merely is.

No one has asked this of Chrollo. They look to him with expectation and he strides forward. He wonders if he has lost some fragments of himself somewhere in this approach. Has he left behind pieces of him that needed something? He will never know. All he can know is that this will not be one of those times.

" I do. " He solidifies his answer after a heartbeat passes. He knows Shalnark too ; he would not pose such a question towards him without understanding the possible ramifications of it.

Chrollo still lingers a moment, haunting the threshold of the invitation before he accepts it. He steps closer and sinks into the waiting embrace and it feels like coming home. Everything is not as it once was, time has worn the pillars and sealings, but it is no less a home for that. It is always what the troupe is. For all the blood spilled and crimes committed, Chrollo has always been at his best when he is not adrift at sea, but with someone. Be it the whole troupe, a handful, or just one. He finds himself there in a way he doesn't elsewhere.

He closes his eyes for a moment, allowing himself a momentarily reprieve from the cross-like burden of leader for a brief moment. He would not trade the cross for anything, and Chrollo is a master at concealing the skeletal fractures that sometimes splinter out. But Shalnark is just as sharp to see most of them when they happen to crack and appear. ( And in truth, all of this has pushed him towards an intensity of emotion he is not familiar with. ) He allows himself this time to rest in the safety of Shalnark's embrace. He's warm and alive.

" Thank you. "

[tfw-no-tennis]

hunty movie 1

sooo ruth and i watched the first hxh movie holla

me as soon as we’re done w/the yorknew arc: OH FUCKY ITS ANIME MOVIE TIME

i love anime movies. theyre so often Entertaining As Hell, and also Not Very Good. its a very fun intersection 

overall this movie slots pretty easily into that category. it was a good time but nothing revolutionary. which is ok! and that makes sense bc its not canon apparently 

this movie was basically the ‘killua and kurapika have Trauma(tm)’ movie lmao 

we open w/killua having a trauma dream abt illumi, rehashing the stuff we saw in the hunter exam arc....we see this a few more times in the movie, and it really drives home how killua is still rlly scared of illumi and kinda just goes into a dissociative trauma state whenever illumi is around (even fake doll illumi or dream illumi, in this movie). poor kid :( :( 

regrettably tho ruth and i agree that illumis outfit in this movie was pretty sexy 

ok that whole beginning part where kurapikas eyes get stolen happens SO fast hvbfhdjshfsk its like ok guess thats the status quo for this movie!

jesus poor kurapika. they cant catch a fuckgin break huh

also that kid was totally the kid that was alluded to by kurapika at the end of the yorknew arc...so i guess that was included in the anime as a setup for this movie? 

also apparently that stuff was based off of a short story thing the author did a while ago which is p cool

leorios terrible drawing skills is hvhbjsdfbsdfngsjkdf

also leorio is so tender w/kurapika hhhhhhh im gonna die. im gonna gay die

and gon and killua are just. tiny soulmate boyfriends ok 

ah yes i see the obligatory movie original character who befriends the protag

it kinda cracks me up how hostile killua is to retz like vhbhskhdfbaj i get that its bc of Trauma and his fear of betrayal/betraying but it also reads as killua being a Jealous Gay which is kinda hilarious 

ruth and i when hisoka shows up: [prolonged annoyed groaning and dismayed yelling]

hisoka literally just shows up to sow chaos and throw around information to stir shit up huh

of COURSE the villain is the former 4th spider thats like. easy choice lmao 

it might just be the fansubs but i feel like there were strong implications that hisoka and 4th spider guy fucked bhjdfashfdjnakn

the most unbelievable thing abt this whole thing is that hisoka didnt kill that doll guy lmao 

ohhh shit its uvo

OHHH SHIT NOBUNGA AND MACHI....its so bad but i really like the troupe members and when they show up im like !!!!!!!

machi is so cooooool

aughhhh its like....i feel bad for nobunga for having to face down uvo like this....and THEN when pakunoda shows up too :( and nobunga tells her doll ‘rest in peace now’ or something when he cuts her down....oof. but also like theyre evil murderers so im!?! conflicted?!?!

also the shadow beast guys that uvo killed showing up and then proceeding to do LITERALLY NOTHING was kinda hilarious

and damn so technically the troupe is on the same side as the main crew, what with all of them wanting to wreck omokages shit

also omokage looks like sephiroth lmaoooo 

ill be honest i barely know what sephiroth looks like but ruth said this and i felt in my bones that its true 

ok i gotta talk abt the kurapika backstory stuff bc OUUGHGHGHGHGH my fucking UWUS BITCH!!!!

seeing a bunch of kurta was sad....and seeing baby-er kurapika OUGH and also pairo is sooo cute and him and kurapikas friendship is so pure 

kurapika is so different :( theyre like, so much more innocent and excitable....thats so damn sad bro wtf 

pairo pulling some slick moves swapping that little potion thing - all while using his blindness as a cover - was so good...no wonder he and kurapika get along so well 

also gotta say its even more brutal that one of the main reasons kurapika didnt get Big Murdered w/the rest of the kurta is bc pairo pulled this stunt - if he hadnt, kurapika wouldve failed the test and never would have left 

also kurapika saying theyre gonna find someone who can help w/pairos eyes ;_; the similarities w/leorios backstory/motivation makes me die 

and seriously im still caught up at how innocent and pure kp is oooof ough 

tho still defs the kurapika we know....theyve seemingly always had a temper, what with the reaction to the dudes in the market 

like, kurapika did NOT hold back...even after finding out that they were just part of the test! tho i do get it bc they insulted pairo...kurapika’s love for their friends/stalwart need to defend their friends is clearly a big thing 

also the market people’s reaction to seeing kp’s red eyes is rlly interesting to me...are the kurta like, known to anybody? or are they more of a vaguely talked-about group that like, ‘probably exists’? or is it that people know abt them but not the red eyes thing? it seems like these people, if any, would know, bc this market is seemingly a day’s travel from where the kurta live....i want more kurta lore bro!!

i big love pairo helping kurapika cheat like that....such an interesting twist, and makes it obvious that theirs is a friendship of equals 

anyways i loved that flashback stuff and it just drives home how absolutely fucked up and horribly sad kurapikas whole existence is, especially in this movie w/pairo’s doll being used against them

n e ways back to the non flashback stuff

i love that gon’s super nose returned for this movie omg 

im just auhghghghgh gon and killua know each other so well uwu....

aaaand illumi (well, doll illumi) is back to fuck shit up for poor killua

ugh it still gets me how clearly terrified of illumi killua is...we dont really see him act like this any other time :( and the fact that doll-illumi was able to scare killua enough to get him to run away and leave gon behind (albeit briefly) was oof 

gon jumping in front of killua and getting his eyes stolen instead....baby boyyyy oughhh

also can i just say thank fuck they didnt replace illumis eyes w/gons bc THAT wouldve been some serious nightmare fuel lmao 

cant believe killua then ran away again and walked emo-ly on the train tracks 

and THEN he saw a train coming and was like oh well :( guess ill die :/ JESUS KID 

but gon w/his Big Sniff Powers comes to the rescue!!

it was so cute how gon told killua that killua didnt run and abandon him - they were working together to fight :’) gon understands killua so well 

i love how the squad then squads up to fight omokage...with half of them being blind lmao 

and in the half that isnt blind is leorio, who STILL doesnt know nen, and literally brings a knife to a nen fight 

i totally saw the whole ‘retz is a doll and her older brother is omokage, and retz actually died a while ago’ thing coming lol but still, not bad

all omokage does is talk abt the beauty of his dolls or w/e like ENOUGH bro 

kurapika fighting pairo and killua fighting illumi (AGAIN) was all so fucked up they shouldve switched opponents for less trauma oof 

and poor leorio is literally no help vhhvdijfhjbashkj he just gets throw around this whole time

kurapikas fight against pairo was sad bc it was such a fucked up situation...kp did gr8 tho, i liked them saying that this isnt the real pairo, cause pairo would never say/do these things. still and extremely sucky situation to be in! 

meanwhile its the gon and killua vs doll-illumi rematch...and this illumi is like, a version of illumi drawn from killuas mind/heart (or something idk, it was kinda glossed over which i understand), which means that hes extra scary and focused on telling killua how much hes just a mindless killing machine who cant have friends 

but luckily we have gon here to help snap killua out of his trauma haze, which certaintly wasnt the case at the hunter exam - so it was kinda nice to see how things went w/gon around :’) they work so well together oughhhhh....and they love each other so much broo gay preteen love real 

hisoka just fuckgin materializing in the house place to help sow more chaos....unbelievable 

me: i bet hisoka wont want to fight doll chrollo bc its not The Same as real chrollo 

ruth: no i think he will bc hes a whore 

hisoka: [fights doll chrollo] 

me: oh shit u right 

kurapika: ok omogake its time for you to FUCKING DIE- 

and then killua stops them and says that he’ll do it, be he doesnt want kurapika to kill anymore :( :( :( bro im sooo fucking sad. killua rlly b out here thinking that hes already too far gone to matter when it comes to murder, but he doesnt want his friends to end up like that, so he might as well take on that burden, because whats one more person’s death on his hands? (EVEN THO HE SAID HE DIDNT WANT TO KILL ANY MORE...but theres exceptions when it comes to saving your friend’s souls and whatnot) :( :( AUGHHH

but luckily retz comes THRU with some good ole fratricide

killua: [takes notes]

the fact that the phantom troupe just fuckgin shows up and is like oh hey its you guys. this casual enemy stuff kills me lmao i love it 

then they just fuckgin LEAVE and theyre like welllll we cant rlly fight u bc of chrollo’s state so by i guess. its NOT On Sight but someday it will be! YOU TOO HISOKA DONT THINK WE FUCKIGN FORGOT ABOUT YOU. 

dramatic house burning! and rip retz, saw that one comin tho 

when they all went thru and said their life goals and then killua was like shit i dont have a cool definitive anime goal LMAOOOO

but THEN gon said his goals should be to stay by gon’s side UHMMM???? baby gays AUGHHHHH and killua is just like lovestruck AUGHHHH 

Gays Win 

then they all peace out to resume the next arc lmaoooo

and then we see flashes of other characters, like the blonde girl (who ruth and i totally thought retz was, seeing thumbnails from this movie....we were like w8 hasnt that girl not been introduced yet??? lmao)

we also see some dude w/long hair and a hat who ive never seen before but ruth went OHHH ITS SCYTHE GUY!!! so i guess hes gonna b important?? lol 

and then we saw chrollo....still in the same place the squad left him vbhajfdjkahsbfkdjabhsukfdj CAN HE NOT GET DOWN FROM THERE W/OUT NEN OR AN AIRSHIP??? THATS SO FUCKING FUNNYYYYYY ARE YOU KIDDING ME 

general thots:

so this was very much an Anime Movie, in that they cant like, advance to plot or develop the characters much, bc its a movie. and this one is non canon

it was enjoyable but i do feel like it was much more typical shounen then hxh usually is...like, i feel like this was made by the same people who make like, the naruto movies or w/e, and w/the same sort of approach/attitude 

this isnt necessarily bad - i LIKE shounen for a reason - but it was a bit noticeable bc it wasnt quite as smart as hxh is usually, and it rehashed a lot of stuff weve already seen in this show itself 

but still i think it did a good job w/what it had, and it had some good angst, and everyone was very gay which is good

the art style was SLIGHTLY wack but it wasnt as bad as i thought itd be 

overall a fun time like most anime movies. didnt reinvent the wheel but i had a good time. im excited for the greed island arc, and im also disproportionately excited to watch the hxh musical bc that is a thing that exists and i MUST see it asap bc that sounds like the kind of hilarious wackiness that appeals to me specifically

so thats it...later! 

[uiruu]

about chrollo x kurapika

i think this phenomenon of people shipping victims with their abusers and sources of trauma comes from seeing things like avatar or whatever, where the angsty dude Zuko gets redeemed and people can ship him with main characters. not every villain in everything can be redeemed though. it also comes from things like misogyny in the case of Reylo, where a man antagonizing and threatening a woman is seen as flirting. but even between two men (i mean like nonbinary kurapika is a headcanon i have but at least according to the text, he’s generally agreed to be a man), so long as one is in a position of power and one isnt. you can have a character who is a nazi metaphor and a character who is a genocide victim metaphor, and no matter what, there are people who will ship them. 

they dont realize that fiction doesnt exist in a vacuum. these characters weren’t written this way for no reason. they represent things that the author is trying to say about people. chrollo can be a nuanced character, but i think it only extends to the way real life abusers and horrible people are nuanced. i like the troupe a lot, but... not necessarily as people. if they were real, i would hate them with every fiber of my being. that’s why i like them though... not because i think they’re good or redeemable per se, but because i think they’re well written and compelling. real evil people are like that. there were nazis who had lifelong friends, there are serial murderers who just like to hang out, there are domestic abusers who crack funny jokes. none of that shit excuses what they do. its important to remember though that evil people are humans just like us... and we’re all capable of some heinous stuff and we need to be mindful of that.

shippers will look at this dynamic though and think it means that chrollo is a sweet baby who hasnt done anything wrong and he and kurapika can just, idk, get over the fact that chrollo murdered everyone kurapika ever knew when he was like 7, for no reason other than the color of their eyes. its not that chrollo was angry and he can work through his feelings and then treat kurapika with kindness, you’re thinking of villains like pain from naruto (one of the worst villains in anything ever). it’s that chrollo killed an entire race of people because of their racial characteristic that he wanted to steal right out of their skulls and sell on the black market.