#that damn background noise cancellation is super good now I GUESS

[nolongeragoodidea]

I am always very very careful about staying on mute during group calls but I needed to respond to something so turned on my mic. My dog then sighed SO DEEPLY (as only one who sleeps 20+ hours a day can do) and it sounded like it was a reaction to what someone had just asked. I was like, "oh my god, that was my dog!" and it turns out no one had heard it.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

So I (finally!) bought a pair of really good noise cancelling headphones, and it has changed my life! It's the fanciest thing I've bought in years, so to recoup some of the cost, I’ve researched & written a little essay based on my experiences with extreme noise sensitivity.

Hypersensitivity to sound is something I’ve dealt with all of my life, but I only recently found out it's medically known a Hyperacusis. (Please note this is a separate condition from Misophonia.) If you consistently struggle to cope with noise, the info below could be helpful! I’m including a link to my ko-fi, and I will be answering questions in the notes.

(skip to the bottom to read fun facts about my tax return and/or street organs vendettas!)

DISCLAIMER: I am not a professional, this is based solely on my experiences as a patient, and on what I have read and been told by professionals. Please notify me if you have corrections or concerns about accuracy!

BACKGROUND: Sensitivity to sound is a common type of sensory issue. While anyone can experience such issues (most people, for example, might be bothered by loud music in a crowded restaurant), some people are more sensitive than others, to the point it becomes a quality-of-life aka a medical issue.

If you consistently struggle with environmental stimuli that other people aren’t bothered by (background noises, bright lights, certain textures and tastes, etc), to the point it causes daily discomfort or limits the environments you can be in, I recommend reading about Sensory Processing Disorder.

SPD and sound sensitivity are both super common in autistic folks (like me!), but allistic (non-autistic) people can experience them too. Weep, ye prisoners of mortal coil, for none are safe, nothing sacred, not in this thy most accursed tomb of human flesh!

Anyway.

SOUND SENSITIVITY or HYPERACUSIS: Noise issues are particularly difficult to navigate in a world that is increasingly...noisy. The relatively new phenomenon of constant overhead music in restaurants, grocery stores, shopping malls etc—all of this means that public spaces are increasingly inaccessible to people with auditory issues.*

As a kid, nothing quite triggered sensory overload/meltdowns for me like the constant exposure to noise I couldn’t control—the background chatter of other kids in the lunchroom, the constant noise in public spaces, being trapped in the car with the radio on.... I had so many fights with my siblings about the car radio, and who got to choose the music.**

But it’s not just loud sounds that are the problem. As an adult who lives alone and works from home***, I’m lucky enough to be able to avoid loud environments most of the time. This does wonders for my general levels of anxiety and discomfort. But even in a mostly controlled environment, I still experience problems. Because part of sound sensitivity is that even normal or quiet sounds can feel loud and intrusive. Here are some “normal” sounds that can cause me discomfort (ranging from annoyance to outright pain, depending on the day):

refrigerator/AC/ceiling lights humming

dishwasher/washing machine noises

ceiling fan making that damn ceiling fan noise

faint sounds of traffic

riding in a car

other people having a normal conversation in the background

someone talking to me in a perfectly normal inside voice

Unfortunately, even in a “controlled” environment, many triggering noises can’t be controlled. And many parts of life can’t be lived in a controlled environment. This presents...some incredibly freaking annoying problems. Luckily there are solutions!

Sorta.

There are sorta some solutions.

They are imperfect, but they help.

TREATMENT: And now I have something rather shame-faced to admit. In all the years of managing my symptoms, it never once occurred to me to see a hearing specialist for my issues with sound. I wasn’t even aware that treatment options exist, because none of my other doctors mentioned it. Instead, I’ve spent years finding my own coping mechanisms and tools, with help from therapists and psychiatrists, but without ever consulting an audiologist/ENT. It was only while researching this post that I found out that was even an option, holy shit.

So it turns out I am going to be making an appointment with my local ENT practice. shit.

Apparently treatment options include sound/acoustic therapy, systematic desensitization/exposure therapy, cognitive behavior therapy, sound machines, and other options that I had no idea even existed, goddammit.

MANAGEMENT: In the meantime, here are my current coping mechanisms. I’ve relied rather heavily on hearing protection, which is very useful when used in moderation. Unfortunately, it can cause its own problems: it’s important not to overuse hearing protection, because in the long-term this can increase your sensitivity. So again: a useful tool, but be careful not to overdo it.

With that in mind, here are some of the coping strategies I’ve used over the last decade to manage my symptoms. This is not a perfect system and you should contact your local ENT clinic for better, long-term solutions, but in the meantime here are some tips I use to just get myself through the damn day:

Regularly spending time in a quiet controlled environment, to allow my nervous system to decompress.

Wearing earplugs, (I use two different grade, depending on the level of noise prevention I need), and always carrying an extra pair in case I need them unexpectedly. I bought a 50 pack for $7 and put spares in all my bags and jacket pockets.

(I mostly use Mack’s Ultra Soft, but there are so many types and materials and brands, including foam, silicone, wax, custom moldable etc. Even if you have trouble wearing things in your ears, you might be able to find something comfortable.)

Similarly: hearing protection earmuffs, the kind used in gun ranges and on construction sites. I bought mine online for $10. they look like normal wireless headphones, so I've never gotten comments when wearing mine in public (other than “cool heaphones” bc i added skull glitter stickers).

Sometimes I wear the earmuffs on top of earplugs, when life is just too damn LOUD.

Listening to music w/ earbuds or headphones is a great way to balance out background noises, especially if you can find soothing playlists that help you concentrate. Also useful to put in just one earbud when you need to pay attention in class/at work.

Pro tip: if your hair is long enough you can wear wireless earbuds without anyone knowing.

White noise, rain noises, ocean noises etc can be helpful! Some people like whale songs although personally this activates my primal fear response

Active noise cancelling headphones: the reason I wrote this post to begin with—I finally bought a pair! As in, a really good pair! As in, a depressingly expensive pair with noise cancelling technology that actually WORKS, holy shit. I probably need to wear them a little less at home (bc overprotection causes problems in the longterm) but they have absolutely transformed my ability to go out in public and i never ever want to take these suckers off again please take a power screwdriver and nail these to my head, bury me in the sweet sweet shroud of silence. holy canoli and cream puffs I want to marry form a civil partnership with these headphones. Plus they have a bunch of features, like being able to control the level of noise cancellation, so I can hold a conversation or be aware of some ambient noise for safety reasons.

Oh, and also they play music I guess?

Sorry sorry I promise this post wasn’t supposed to be me shilling for Big Electronics. I’m just excited, I’m an excited flabby little ball of expired flubber. ANC headphones aren’t a perfect solution, and I still sometimes wear earplugs underneath, and I will always be uncomfortable some of the time, but for me it’s been a big step.

Unfortunately the cost of good quality ANC technology means this isn’t an option for everyone, and the (much cheaper) gunshot protection earmuffs I mentioned earlier still provide an impressive amount of protection and bang-for-your buck (maybe even an equal amount of protection, if you can find ones that fit well). But if noise consistently prevents you from enjoying public space and life in general, and you’ve already tried earmuffs & earplugs and find they don’t offer enough comfort/convenience/protection, and if you’re in a position to save up for a one time non-necessity purchase of $150+, noise cancelling headphones are an option to be aware of. (Please always check the return policy so you can try before you buy. I ended up buying and returning 2 pairs before finding what worked best for me. And please look for a retailer that offers an extended warranty. You want those motherforkers to last).

There are cheaper options available, including some under $50. The ones I tried didn't work as well as my hearing protection earmuffs, but some people report good experiences, so that is something to consider. it's always good to know your options! Passive noise canceling is another affordable alternative.

Medication: A final tool in my toolbox, which for me personally has helped as much as every other method combined. Like, a lot, it’s helped a lot. It turns out some anti-anxiety medications can also help sensory issues. There’s not much research on this, and I only discovered it firsthand when a medication my doctor prescribed for anxiety ended up significantly helping my sensory issues. I no longer need medication for anxiety, but my psychiatrist still prescribes that same medication off-label for my sensory stuff. Ask your psychiatrist to research your options (they will probably have to do some digging to find relevant research, but you deserve to know all your options, even the obscure ones). Fyi, the medication I use is in the benzodiazepines class, but there are other options for those concerned about dependency or side effects.

(I'm also told anti-anxiety supplements may be helpful, though I haven't tried this yet. If you're on prescription meds, always talk to your doctor about contraindications before taking anything over-the-counter.)

So there you have it, my main coping strategies for sound sensitivity! They are not a replacement for medical treatment (except that last one which is in fact...medical treatment), but I find them helpful and I hope some of you will too! I’ve struggled for a long time, and I’m very pleased to have reached the point where I can just do things in public. Eating out in loud restaurants? I can do that now, and even enjoy it, holy shit! I can comfortably travel in cars for hours at a time, and walk around shopping malls and grocery stores with overhead music, and, and —and just exist. It is so so freeing, to feel like maybe, after everything, you are actually allowed to just exist in a world that wasn’t really designed for you.

Again, be careful not to overuse hearing protection—the goal is to allow you to be less uncomfortable and to function better, but if you find you are becoming more sensitive to noise, it is time to dial it back a notch. Or maybe consider listening to music (at a reasonable volume) to block out background noise instead.

*(This also includes people with hearing loss and related issues, btw. While that’s not my area of knowledge, I would welcome it if any of my HoH followers want to share their experiences.)

**A sign of sensory issues that parents often miss is when a child complains about music being too loud—but has no problem listening to their own music at high volume. This is because music that is already familiar to the listener (and that the listener enjoys) is much easier for the brain to process, since it knows what pattern of sounds to expect. Loud music that they get to control can be soothing for people with sound issues, especially when it blocks out background noise and sensations. This is why repetitively playing the same songs can be a helpful form of stimming.

***(working on this blog, actually. since it’s my only source of income, my 2020 income tax return literally lists my occupation as ‘Tumblr Blogger.’ Oddly, my parent didn’t feel this achievement was worth including in the holiday family newsletter.)

bonus fun fact: Charles Babbage aka “father of the computer” may have been autistic and hypersensitive to sound. He definitely had a huge problem with public noise pollution, and spent his later year waging a war on street musicians (and organ grinders in particular).

(bc like, yeah. screw organ grinders.)

Sometimes when I’m out in public and the overhead music is particularly unbearable, I’ll take a moment to look up to the sky and scream out: “HE TRIED TO WARN US! THE FATHER OF COMPUTERS TRIED TO WARN US!!! we should have listened, sweet heaven we should have listened!”

except i don’t scream it, i say it very quietly under my breath

(i have issues with noise)

so yeah that is my short essay. and here is the ko-fi goal

k ciao i gotta go pick out glitter stickers for my headphones

[halcylu]

what is the worst ooc interaction you’ve had? is there a rule/guideline you can’t stand? what is your favorite experience with shipping? what is your worst experience with shipping?

like a true clickbait hoe i’ll leave all the t under the cut !! [ send me ooc ask memes !! ]

what is the worst ooc interaction you’ve had? oooo f !! i’ve stayed clear of ooc drama ( i think ??? ) but i’ve had several interactions w ppl that has left me feeling … uncomfortable to say the least, one of them just a couple months ago actually oop ! it was a classic case of them shoving fcs and names in my face and taking control of my character which is such a turn off for me personally. that might just be me being easily weirded out, but if i want suggestions or help choosing i’ll always ask for it, other than that it just rubs me the wrong way for some reason. ANYWAY — they proposed doubling up which i agreed to, but it was sooo fucking obvious that my f character was just supposed to be background noise pretty much, which didn’t sit well with me at all. it’s totally cool to have favorite ships, ig that’s just natural ( i’m guilty of that myself ), but just blatantly ignoring one ship bc ur thirsty ??? nah sis. for someone who genuinely enjoys creating and developing and connecting with all my characters i honestly can’t relate to what seems like someone making up ocs for simply doubling up and to put all their time and energy into one of the ships without the feeling of guilt. i see through that bs and it’s just ….. big yikes. 

is there a rule / guideline you can’t stand? not rly ?? i mean sometimes i’ll get annoyed by silly things like cancel culture regarding fcs when ppl just ban faces left and right bc god knows even the most righteous ppl in this community used to be problematic at some point. but at the same time that’s just personal preference and i can’t rly argue w that asdkl. simply put — if i don’t fuck w people’s rules / guidelines i just ,, don’t plot w them.

what is your favorite experience with shipping? SO MANY !!! i have such a great set of friends / writing partners and i luv all of them w whole my heart ok !!! not to get all sappy on main but @lcmongrass has rly created some of the characters and ships i truly hold closest to my heart, my absolute favorites being dex & chris, violet & jesse, finn & melanie, izzie & mason, paige & dylan and jack & chrissy * clutches heart intensely * !! also if i could mention some dynamics while im at it paige & olivia, felix & trevor and jack & olivia are the ones that make me laugh the most !! so a big shoutout to maren for making me fall so head over heels for every. single. one. of her characters ♡ @summerrobrts is rly also out here giving me the feels left and right huh !! we have so many plots and ships at this point and they’re all just giving me LIFE. we’re currently setting up our second ( 1!! ) mumu and i’m hella excited !! and i could never forget @dvisy for creating one of my absolute favorite ships and characters ever tbh. lacey & tucker just makes me feel some kind of way u kno ??? like their ( rare ) but soft moments makes my heart fucking jump out of my chest and the pure angst makes my heart hurt, but then there’s also those more snarky moments like lacey being a lil brat and tucker just being so fucking done w her that genuinely makes me laugh out loud asjks. i feel like i should probably shut up now but i can’t go on without mentioning the amazing @controlists bc as u know salem & joy and harlow & ezra owns my freakin ass !!!! playing tainted souls like salem is an actual Kink of mine and if i’m gonna be honest writing and exploring harlow as a character has been one of my favorite rp experiences so far though half the reason is probably how well you portray ezra like DAMN. creating the biggest mumu ever w @geminisrps ( seriously we need an award or smth bc that shit is COMPLEX ) and actually developing all sorts of pairings / dynamics and threads has been such a fun time, and @dumbinspo keeps breaking my poor heart with our amazing ships !! ♡ 

what is your worst experience with shipping? i honestly thought i didn’t have that many but now i’m trying to choose from a number of experiences lmao. i guess one worth mentioning is from my indie days ( rip ) when someone reached out saying they wanted to play one of my most wanted opposites against me, which naturally got me super excited, though i had to jot that down real quick as it was close to impossible to actually get some real plotting going. their character was just too above any plot or character if that makes any sense. and this isn’t me just reading into things, this person clearly stated their character was just simply too complicated and special for any type of relation ( which is also like yikes … i promise u they’re not ) UNLESS the plot would center mainly around their character while mine would basically just play a minor role helping the development of that character’s story asjks ew. i’m all about a good amount of brainstorming and throwing out ideas and spend actual time building the storyline but they were just ,, not having it and seemed straight up uninterested and annoyed by my ideas which for a second there had me wondering like ?? didn’t u approach me ?? asjkls. there’s definitely two sides to these kind of stories ( or more ) but that whole interaction just left me feeling like i was the one forcing my characters on someone which kinda sucked :–//. the gag is that similar stuff has happened since and in more recent times and im always just so ?? confused by it ??  END OF RANT. 

[severalbakuras]

FIRST THREE EPISODES OF S4 LETS GO

long post so apologies to mobile users. salt warning.

voltron season 4 spoilers (although i understand it’s technically still three the season just got split in two so the content drought wasn’t as long). please don’t give me spoilers for the rest of the season!! i don’t want them!!

(on the subject of content drought is steven universe still on hiatus?)

(still better than berserk’s hiatuses though)

episode 1:

still no new intro you COWARDS

second impact!!! oh no just a ship.

i wonder if galra have unions those two sound like they need one

BLADES

“do not engage” HMMM

oooh lizard blade

the blade up top could’ve totally seen that patrol coming tbh???

KEITH I KNEW IT!!!!

30 SECONDS TO SAVE LIZARD BLADE

holy shit he actually did it

sassy keith talking back to kolivan like that. hell yeah he saved their friend and the mission.

firo uh why are you acting like bridge boss? that was allura’s job and then coran’s job when she became the blue pilot. Back The Fuckéth Down.

there’s something ominous about those temples i can’t place it.

oh hey what’s up firo being a jackass as usual? k? k. keith can you employ the blade sass here too please it’s kinda sad watching this fake shiro stomp all your fire out.

pidge i hope that’s superficial damage bc cracks are probably not what you want in an outer space vessel.

wow rude. heith cancelled i’m not liking that.

i’m not trusting a DAMN THING from firo, especially when the music got super deep for a second.

i’m not in the military or remotely connected to it in any way but this is like... actually there’s no ‘like’ about it, they’re taking the most powerful and skilled soldiers out of combat in the middle of a war just so they can show them off, when voltron is already enshrined in the galactic mythos and by now it’s well known as being active and wrecking galra shit.

i can’t!! believe!! this!! is even!!! a debate?? parade which has already stated to have already happened very recently before or a galra supply ship going to for all that they know a secret galra base that they need to track down.

Y’ALL ARE FREEDOM FIGHTERS. IN AN ACTIVE WAR ZONE. THE FUCK.

god shut up lance he could be dead or captured and you’re more worried about the show.

i’m pretty sure you’ve only ~tried~ like what, three times? and like only one of those even made any impression on keith and i don’t even think it was the right one.

AND YOU SHOULD STILL TRY BECAUSE HE’S YOUR GODDAMN FRIEND.

NO LIZARD BLADE

so they’re off giving them the ol’ razzle dazzle and keith is running out of oxygen in the wreckage of a bomb explosion with no allies in sight floating adrift in space. fun times.

this parade is basically just an ad for toys LBR.

this is embarrassingly unfunny. like not even in a schadenfreude way.

so like y’all seriously have never thought about an alternative way for these parades to go just in case one of the lions needed repairs or was late back from a mission or a paladin was sick?

allura like i get what you’re trying to say here but like... do you know keith.

he’s not choosing the blades over voltron he’s choosing the fucking war over a parade.

ahh there he is, my terrible space prince. cleanse me of my salt.

god he has no respect for haggar at all ahhaha. i know some spoilers re honerva thanks to that one clip so it’s interesting he either doesn’t recognize her or doesn’t want to or that haggar either still doesn’t remember him or also doesn’t want to.

and y’all seriously never had a contingency plan for any situation that could mean voltron wasn’t around hhhhh.

hunk you’re the tank just AOE the spawned adds and let the DPS pick them off while you pop a defensive cooldown god you’d wipe the group in ragefire chasm even in full heirlooms wouldn’t you. (although there isn’t a healer lion and he’s clearly more protection warrior than the far superior blood death knight so lol no self heals)

huh. well the black lion historically isn’t a great judge of character so you’re still firo to me. like objectively, the black lion has no investment in her paladin’s life as seen on the bone planet when they were all separated, or even the continued existence of voltron. compare to the red lion, who will wreck entire bases and cross the galaxy to get to hers if she senses they’re in peril.

i wonder if voltron or the lions are conscious. like not like a person but like an EVA unit. a unit 1 vs zeruel style fight where voltron or one of the lions goes beast mode would be AMAZING

(spoiler warning for a 90s anime lol have i linked this before? i think i might have.)

now i want to watch original NGE again boo

(i wonder if we’ll ever get a real lion-on-lion fight. like either with the paladins involved or without. or like the lions deciding ‘fuck the pilot’ and disobeying them god that makes me want to watch NGE EVEN MORE)

holy shit you can all fuck off. 

god keith your voice.

HOLY SHIT YOU CAN ALL FUCK OFF THAT’S THE MOST HOLLOW ~FRIENDSHIP~ MOMENT TO DATE.

welp OT4 cancelled, i guess that means i have no nice ships in this fandom and only have crack ships like keitor and zethura. i think that’s the fastest i’ve ever gone from loving a ship to dumping it. wait no i was a puzzleshipper for all of a day before i got bored of it when i rewatched yugioh. hunk/allura/shay/keith lasted a few weeks between S3.1 and S3.2.

(it’s ok shay i still love you. i can still ship you and keith but that too is a crack ship ♥)

episode 2:

UH WELL THANKS FOR THAT SPOILER THUMBNAIL NETFLIX.

BABY PIDGE

it’s amazing how a single word has made me detest this boy more than any of the galra except that one shitty one who sucked. go to hell.

actually teacher can go to hell too you’re just gonna let the entire class laugh at her and not even try to maintain order? are you that petty about being corrected?

i like these watercolour-y style backgrounds, i hope other earth flashbacks get this kind of style. it’s a nice change from how clean and sharp everything else is.

aww he’s a good bro

NERDBABIES ♥

OH WELL I HOPE YOU GUYS HAVE A BACK UP PLAN IN CASE THE GALRA ATTACK WHILE SHE’S GONE :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

like he’s contacting her midflight which makes it seem like she just took off at the first hint of matt??? meanwhile kolivan contacts the ship and explains the situation and asks politely? but keith’s the bad guy for splitting up the team ok.

do i sound salty? i feel it.

that’s our hunk, he sure likes to eat! -hysterical crowd noises-

this city looks like a neo-tokyo sonic level in a good way.

the lamest spider man.

who are you sharktooth tail man.

the whole PLANET looks like a neo-tokyo sonic level in a good way. approve. the coolest planet. can that be the new hub planet and not that weird techno-ahn’qiraj thing?

so the green lion takes no steps to defend itself under attack without a paladin.

did she just bloodbend that ship?

I LOVE HER. SHE’S ABOUT TO DIE (pidge bloodbend her wound shut) BUT I LOVE HER.

“so here’s your supplies and a body cheers.”

so why all the secrets here? i feel like the garrison’s up to shady shit, like he was just a space tube driller right? is space geology really that cutthroat?

that shot of the graveyard, holy shit.

i wonder how pidge’s mother’s doing. probably not well.

now see this would be tense and tragic if not for the FUCKING THUMBNAIL NETFLIX.

physics? physics.

i love rusty space tech!!!!!!!!

aww ♥

so where’s mr. holt then.

oh so he’s not galra he’s a space dinosaur.

“looks to me like you’re made of meat, just like everyone else!” ok that was an amazing line. i’m stealing that for my blood death knight, it’s perfect for her. i like you bloody bounty huntersaurus. you’re so dead but i like you.

nerd squad!

was that shiro and keith in the back?

so matt’s eyesight couldn’t have been that bad for pidge to just put them on like that, unless he switched the lenses out and made them purely cosmetic. people have to sit down when they wear my glasses or they feel sick.

episode 3:

yknow show i already feel bad enough for haggar/honerva you don’t need to twist that knife anymore.

are they STILL torturing that guy? i mean dude’s so strong in his convictions and his loyalty that he’s not tried making up a fake or even letting his brain conjure up an answer that he believes is true y’all should consider promoting him instead maybe??? because he’s the most hardcore person in that room???

firo why does ‘refugee’ instantly translate to ‘soldier’ with you.

oh he’s lance but more anime around pretty girls. boy that sure was an interesting and appealing character trait the first time around!!!!!!1111!!!1!!

HE’S NOT SHIRO DON’T TRUST HIM MATT.

cyber zarkon. i hope his AI acts up and he has to use urban dictionary as his speech system.

interesting that her first act is to drop lotor in it.

they both hate lotor so much why’d you even have him in the first place huh?

SHE’S SO EXCITED also the formatting’s getting weird bc of the length i think so sorry if this starts looking weird.

there he is again!! space prince!!

nobody who worked on this scene has ever been close to a cow. where’s the intrinsic judgement of your soul, the innate suspicion at your mere presence?

also she needs a herd she’s gonna be lonely ;_;

lotor we all know you’re lying

well apparently they don’t so i guess that kind of behaviour is what they expect from him. huh. i wonder when the switch between that being true and that being a well rehearsed act happened.

haggar what did you just do to narti. that’s not a good high pitched noise or whispering. i feel like i’ve heard it before.

how do you miss a tracker that makes an explosion that large the first time around? and wouldn’t the scan be standard procedure at this point?

hunk why are you acting like this. it’s weird i don’t like it.

git gud lance.

that whole bit went on way too long.

OH NO NARTI I KNEW HAGGAR DID SOMETHING.

so lotor’s officially the enemy now. like public enemy number 1.

VLD IF YOU TAKE ZETHRID AWAY FROM ME LIKE SU DID WITH JASPER...

so it

was

narti oh no :( i’d kinda hoped it was the cat.

that’s pretty graphic too slicing the view in half like that. a very creative censor.

and they don’t react at all? huh.

ok ok now they have the chance to. god they all look miserable.

did they leave the cat behind?

wonder what keith’s up to.

[seven-for-president]

RFA (including Saeran and V) reacting to MC who loves Yaoi? :)

Oh my God I´m just so excited to write this o(^▽^)o

_Yoosung_

° Yoosung was at your house to help you get your things for the sleepover at his parent´s

° he knew you were sort of an otaku, so he wasn´t suprised to find a bookshelf filled with mangas over mangas

° he himself only read some including his favourite LOLOL characters

° (I guess some sort of doujinshii)¯\_(ツ)_/¯

° “Hey MC, can I borrow a manga from your shelf?”

° “Sure go ahead. But don´t make a mess.”

° as every good fujoshi you kept your most precious copys in the very back of said shelf

° it was a habit Yoosung also hold ¯\_ʘᗜʘ_/¯

°  NOT good….

° “Hey MC what is this about?”

° you looked around and to your suprise he was showing you the cover of Ten Count No.5 (it´s the latest one available in my coutry XD)

° your emergency-yaoi-bells rang and you tried to take it away from him

° “Give that back you won´t like it, trust me!”

° but he held it out of your reach when did this brat get so damn tall?

° “Why do you want to hide it that badly MC?”

° “Because of reasons!” (;¬_¬)

° he then did the unavoidable and opend the book

° of course it was not a page with Shirotani and Kurose talking

° and of course it wasn´t one with Kurose in his childhood either

° it was one of those pages

°  if you want to know to what I´m reffering to please check out Ten Count chapter 27/28  o((*^▽^*))o

° with a bam he dropped the book on the grounf, now red as a certain character involved in the manga

° “M-MC, what is that? Don´t tell me all of theese contain such….. acts??”

° he was the definition of embarassment becoming alive at this point

° “No they´re not! You just had to pick one from the back, hadn´t you?”

° if you say it like that it sounds as if he´s at fault here…

° “I´m so sorry I won´t ever take one from the back again.”

° this poor boy is now shocked for live ヽ(＊>∇

° but hey MC can like what she wants anyway XD

° sometimes you have to learn the hard way Yoosung….

_Jaehee_

° Finalyyyy~ your long awaited package arrived~

° you said good bye to the postman and now held a big box full of new Yaoi-Mangas in your hands

° BEST.DAY.EVER!!

° as you opend the box the one copy you´ve waited for forever to be realeased in korea happen to be on top

° so why wait when you can enjoy it now  o(≧∇≦o)

° it was called The right way to write Love

° (personally I really enjoyed reading it)

° after your precious box was carefully put away under the bed of course you settled down on the couch and began reading

° when you finished the first story you were almost crying from all the sweetness    ⊂（♡⌂♡）⊃

° but the following one…. dear god forgive me for I have sinned for reading that

° let´s just say the focus was set on interhuman interactions and by interaction I mean in a physical way

° to summarise: it wasn´t something you would want your parents to see             ｡(*^▽^*)ゞ

° unfortunate she´s Mommy-Jaehee

° since it felt quiet alone in the house you turned on the TV to have some noises

° because of these noises you didn´t hear the door opening and Jaehee calling out for you

° your faced away from the door so you didn´t see her entering the living either

° “Hello, what are you reading MC.”

° because you´re a real fujoshi and your entire focus was on reading physical-gay-interaction (if you know what I mean) it was like she´s talking to a wall

° so she decided to just take a look at what captured your attention so much that you didnt notice her

° bad mistake….( ≧Д≦)

° “My gosh MC what are you reading? What are they even doing??!!”

° to say it was the shock of her life was an understatement XD

° you screamed. she screamen. the girl on TV screamed

° as quick as you could you closed the page and hid the book behind you

° blood was running from her nose and it resembled the colour of her cheeks

° “Let´s just not talk about this again. Ever!”

° a nod was all you could manage to do while going to your room and laughing like a mad man  ｡(*^▽^*)ゞ

_Zen_

° as always Zen was out off the house to practice his new play

° for you this meant you´ve got some special freetime which you always dedicate to your secret Yaoi-obsession

° this means: singing openings, watching anime, reading manga and fanfiction and of course and liking tons of fanart

° as your anime of the day you selected the masterpiece Junjou Romantica, season one

° while watching (let´s just assume MC is such a big fan she understands japanese) you also read the mangas because why the heck not ? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

° you  know how the second episode ends? Misaki quitting Virgin-Cub

° the same Thing happend in the manga, just a BIT more detailed

° you started hearing the intro-song for the 3rd time this day and couldn´t resist singing along

° while singing you kept the page you were currently reading open, to continue anytime

° but while singing and constantly turning the volume up the arrival of a certain actor remained unnoticed

° he always thought it was simply impossible to not notice him, but there you were, singing some catchy tune and reading some book

° his abnormal bid ego just couldn´t bear that….(҂⌣̀_⌣́)

° it was logical to him to pay you back for that

° standing behind you he coverd your eyes and took a look at the page infront of him

° remember what I said about the manga having more detail?

° you tried to struggle free and hide everything but it was to late

° “MC, what is happening there?”

° fuck, he saw

° “Eh…. you know, when two peoplelove each other they do interactions on a physical level..”

° “I know that! But These are dudes MC, dudes!”

° “Do you want me to become gay?”

° “What? No, of course not Zen.”

° is it to much to expect people to accept your likings? Yes? ok then I said nothing

° you had to explain a LOT to him but in the end he kind of accepted you liking this genre?

° still a bit disgusted tho

° but to distract you from this stuff he walks around shirtless a lot more than he did before, and to show you that he looks a dozen times better than those men    ( ° ʖ °)

_Jumin_

° you had to be careful, very careful…

° because every package that arrived was controlled by one of the security members

° that meant you couldn´t just order Yaoi-Merch online like you used to as a single

° the consequence was that you had to buy all of this stuff either at a shop or ask one of your friends to order it for you

° today you went out shopping and to your luck you were able to do that without any guards following you

° this was the perfect opportunity to stock up on mangas o(≧∇≦o)

° you returned to the penthouse with a bag full of precious new babys for your collection

°  back home, Elisabeth joined you on the big couch where all of the copys layed in a big mess

° she just purred like she didn´t care XD

° 1 houre later you already finished the first 2 volumes of Sekaii ichi Hatsokoi and started with the 3rd

° (if you wonder it´s the case of Onodera Ritsu No. 5)

° you looked at the clock and to your relief there was still an hour left till Jumin will come back

° so you cleaned up the mess you created, planning to continue reading after you´ve finished

° unfortunately you left the book on the couch with Elisabeth

° what was even more unfortunate, Jumin´s last meeting was canceled and to suprise you he didn´t send a text to warn you

° as you put the last bok away in the shelf you heard a scream, Jumin´s scream

° “ MC what is this Piece of junk doing here!?”

° no need to say it like that…¯\_(⌣̯̀⌣́)_/¯  

° “Jumin don´t shout like that you´ll scare Elisabeth.”

° rushing to the living room the worst case scenario already has happend

° he was reading the damn book, right on the page where you left of

° Takano forcing himself on Ritsu once again

° “Jumin, give me back my book, please.”

° to your suprise rather than angry or disgusted he looked more confused

° Thank God!

° “MC why would you read something like that? Do I not satisfy you enough?”

° great now he looked hurt.. but still this is way better than angry

° “What are you talking about? This has nothing to do with you Jumin I just enjoy reading it.”

° he looked like a little confused kid and than did the last thing you´ve expected

° “Jumin! What are you doing put me down this instant!!”

° “No.”

° apparently he had to make sure he still satisfied you for the rest of the day

° so it wasn´t even that bad that he foudn out about your no longer secret hobby

_Saeyoung/Seven_

° I saved the most strange one for him XD

° when he did the background-check on you he also took a look at your online orders

° and there he thought he already was the biggest Fujoshi Queen King…           (╬ Ò ‸ Ó)

° this being a critical hit on his ego he made up his mind to pay you back one day

° after you moved in with Seven and Saeran you stopped ordering online and bought every book your heart desired in the local bookstore

° because you just knew Seven would tease you nonstop if he found out about that obsession of yours

° little did you know Special-Agent 707 already had his masterplan ready…

° when you came back he wasn´t on his Computer, which was very unusual° instead he sat infront of the TV and it looked like he was waiting for you to return

° “Hey Seven what´re you doing here?”

° “Good you´re back I was waiting for you to come back and watch some anime with me.”

° you didn´t exactly know why but you already had a bad Feeling about this

° “Everytime we watch something it´s either disgusting or disturbing.”

° I´m only dropping the words Euphoria and Corpse Party here

° “But MC~ I know you´ll enjoy it this time.”

° Oh God this sounds so wrong

° you gave your okay to watch whatever it was with him

° but when you heard the first tune of the opening theme, you instantly knew what was going on

° but since you watched every freaking Yaoi, even if it was very strange/disturbing you were prepared

° personally, Ai no Kusabi disturbed me XD

° you somehow had the idea he already knew about you passion, so why not do the worst Thing to a Fujoshi? Spoiler

° “Did you know that they´ll cut Ricky´s dick off?”

° “WHAT??”

° he was shocked, and let me tell you to shock him is an Action worth a nobelprice

° MC used Spoiler, it was super-effective

° as if faced Medusa he was now turned to stone

° this means it was MC´s victuuriory

° he stayed like this until Saeran did the ice-bucket challenge to him XD

_V_

° he´s blind so I thought why not write about Drama CDs

° V had an appointment at the doctors to look after his eyes

° you stayed home because Jumin wanted to accompany him very desperately

° being a goog girlfriend you of course let him do that

° for you it meant that you could listen to your new CD over the sound system and without headphones

° said CD was called Kuroneko Kareshi no Nakasekata ( it means something like black cat´s boyfriend to cry for I think..) 

° because of V´s eyesight-situation he decided to focus on his other senses a lot more and invested in one of the best sound systems

° this was to your joy once again o(*≧□≦)o

° you didn´t understand much, but it didn´t matter to you since you were reading the translations at the same time

° did I mention it was really loud and you didn´t notice anything else? Good, Keep that in mind for now

°  one of the things that remained unnoticed was V entering the house

° the first thing he heardwas some strange, male moaning

° he thought you would be cheating an was on the edge of tears

° poor V(︶︹︺)

° but then there was another moaning, also from a male person and this seemed very strange to him

° he entered the livingroom, still unnoticed by you

° you then noticed him because he closed the door a LITTLE to loud which caused you to turn around in shock

° as quick as you could you turnd the sound system off to stop those noises

° “Oh, hey V. Is your appointment finished already? I used the System..”

° you were more than just relived that he didn´t bring Jumin with him in the flat

° “Listen, we won´t talk about that but if this is yout hobby than I won´t say anything. Just don´t let me hear it again OK?” 

° you gave your ok and hurried into the kitchen do prepare the dinner

° by this time V´s head and yours were as red as the tomatoes you were currently cutting

_Saeran_

° his brother dragged him away to do some fishing to “deepen their brotherly-bond”¯\_(ツ)_/¯

° that meant you had finally time to play the game you purchased last week

° after getting comfortable on the couch and putting on some headphones for better sound you hit the start button of Dramatical Murder

° you started right away with Noize’s route

° and of course aimed for the best ending possible

° as you played or red to be more precisely, the hours flew by

° I played Amnesia (the otome-game) and it really took some time to finish a route

° so after you played for like 6 hours straight it finally payed off

° that meant the good parts came, and they weren’t the only thing that did

° if you know what I mean

° you already saw some of the CGs online but damn

° unlocking them yourself and hearing the voice actors while seeing it was way more satisfying (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

° so satisfying that you, however that is possible, didn’t hear Seven screaming that they’re back

° when Saeran couldn’t hear an answer from you he immediately thought the worst

° you finaly leaving him because of how fucked up he is  .( ˃﹏˂̵ )

° don’t think that my poor, precious baby I love you ( ≧Д≦)

° so he was more than happy to see you sitting on the Couch with some headphones on

° “So that´s why she didn´t hear us…”

° of course it was unacceptable that you ignored him

° he had to pay you back for that, that was a sure thing

° so he wanted to see what was more important to you than him at the Moment

° as quiet as he could, he walked behind you to take a look at your Screen

° he didn´t like what he saw….

° the next things happend in only a few moments

° he placed your headphones somwhere els and turned off the handheld-consol you were playing on

° after that you remembered laying on your bed with Saeran ontop of you and already pulling at your shirt

° “MC you were a bad Girl for playing These naughty games. So for that you must be punished.”

° and he did. the whole night.

This was so fun writing I had the fun of my life o(*>ωAlthough I lost the document 2 times

I hope you like it and enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing o(^▽^)o

[ylla]

Green Isn’t Your Color

Series: JJBA Characters: Josuke Higashikata, Okuyasu Nijimura, polnareff is kinda there Pairing: Josuyasu Tags: modern AU, jotakak mentioned one whole time, josuke is protective and okuyasu is a culinary student who’s working his ass off Rating:

AO3 tag

I farted this out in record time today. I’ve been trying to bang out fics before school starts back up and all my free time is eaten up by it. If I manage to get into the flow of writing, I’ll keep writing, but if I fall out of it, then I just stop and never write again for like, a million years.

Please enjoy Polnareff’s advice and Josuke shitting all over someone’s life because they picked the wrong person to fuck with.

Josuke didn’t believe in getting jealous. Why would he? He knew he’s a good looking guy; has the best taste in fashion, music, and men (better than the rest of these chucklefucks on campus at least). Heads turned wherever he went, girls fell over themselves to just be near him; hell, people even offered him modeling jobs. He was always showered with compliments, but he really didn’t give a shit about other people’s opinions of him (unless it was about his hair, then he would go to war over that).

He only cared what Okuyasu thought. Josuke knew he wasn’t just a handsome dude, but also an incredibly lucky one at that. No one could find a better boyfriend than Okuyasu Nijimura. It was impossible. Oku was the piece he never realized he was missing. And as long as Oku thought he was sexy, then that was all he needed.

So yeah, why would Josuke Higashikata be jealous of anyone?

That was question he asked himself, as he once again found himself grinding his teeth down to nothing at the sight of a pack of girls flirting with his boyfriend.

His classes for the day had been cancelled; he had the same professor all day and she had informed them that she was very ill and wouldn’t be in for the rest of the week. So, he decided to surprise Okuyasu, but lo and behold, his boyfriend was slammed with legit customers and a horde of females, and didn’t even notice when Josuke walked in.

Okuyasu was one of three freshmen that was accepted into the very prestigious, only accepts 5 students every other year, culinary program at their university. He busted so much ass and worked so goddamn hard to get in, and Josuke was so fucking proud of him.

A bonus to getting into the program (or a curse, depending on who you asked) was working in the culinary program’s café. It was completely ran by students, with only some oversight from the department, so students got carte blanche on the menu. Typically about 3 to 4 students were assigned together in a group, and the schedule rotated who took orders and who cooked. And every single time Okuyasu was manning the cash register, the same pack of girls would hog up all the seats at the counter to talk to him.

Josuke knew that Okuyasu loved him more than anything. And he could plainly see how uncomfortable his boyfriend was, surrounded by a fawning crowd of women who kept trying to touch him.

If he was honest, he couldn’t blame them and he wondered if Okuyasu felt the same way he did when Josuke was accosted by girls.

Okuyasu didn’t really do his hair up like normal due to food reasons, so he wore a snapback turned backwards to keep his shorthairs from falling out of his ponytail. If it was anyone else, it would look bad, but Oku was so cute in it. Tomoko had nagged him into going to the eye doctor after learning that he had never been to one in all of his 19 years of living. So it turned out he needed glasses, and now wore thick, black square-shaped frames whenever he had to do a lot of reading or writing. Work didn’t require a uniform, but he had to wear plain, solid color t-shirts, which was paired with nice skinny jeans and he usually wore Converse low-tops with it. To top it off, Josuke had went with him a few weeks ago to get his ears pierced.

He was every hipster’s wet dream. Which was the exact type of girls he was attracting: girls with piercings, multicolored hair, and tattoos who talked to him like he was this unemotional hardass, when in reality, he was the softest person Josuke had ever met. Gruff on the outside, gooey on the inside (a good example of this is like how Okuyasu always bawled his eyes out when Josuke brought him home sunflowers, then called him a sappy little shithead before giving him a kiss).

They had talked about this flirting problem before. Oku had made it very clear from the beginning that he had a boyfriend, whom he was madly in love with. This did help some, but the biggest, thirstiest offenders only became more aggressive in their flirting. He was too nervous to ask them to leave, in fear that they would kick up a big fuss and he would lose his job and thus, his place in the program. Most of the upperclassmen just teased him about it, rather than actually help. The only ones who cared was the other two freshmen, and they ran interference when they could.

Josuke didn’t want to jeopardize anything, so he had to suck it up and watch from afar as the ring leader, who was super-duper thirsty, stroked Oku’s arm. He immediately felt his blood pressure rise and decided he needed to have a smoke before he lost his damn mind.

The only good thing about a cold ass February morning was that the frozen wind did wonders in calming someone down. Mostly because your thought process devolves from “I’m so goddamned mad” to “JESUS CHRIST, IT’S COLD”. Unfortunately, it was only slightly working with Josuke. He paced in front of the entrance of the building, muttering cusswords to himself, feeling like a real McAsshole for being so pissy.

He needed to talk to someone, he needed some honest to god advice.

Josuke pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts: not Koichi, definitely not Jotaro or his husband Noriaki, not his mother because she would personally come to campus to wreak havoc, not Johnny or Gyro, not…

Well it’s not like he had many options after this.

He placed his call, feeling like a bastard because it was probably about 1 am in France.

The phone picked up on the second ring, “Bonjour, Josuke. This is a surprise.” Polnareff sounded wide awake.

“Hey man, uh, I didn’t wake you up, right?”

“No, you actually caught me at a good time,” there was an inhale, then exhale of breath, “I was just having my post-sex cigarette.”

Josuke groaned, “Gross, I didn’t need to know that.”

“Well, you are the one who called me at 1 in the morning, so forgive me.” Polnareff spoke in rapid French to someone in the background, “Anyways, what is on your mind, my pompadoured friend?”

This was a mistake, but it was too late. He had to soldier on, “I need…advice.”

There was a sharp, pleased squeal on the other end, “Really?? I’m so touched. I should have this moment bronzed so I can always remember this—“

“I’m hanging up.”

“Non non non, don’t be like that,” Polnareff said, trying to be placating, “Tell me, what’s wrong? Surely, you’re not after love advice?”

“Well…”

Josuke relayed the problem with Oku’s aggressive fan club. Polnareff listened without interrupting, only speaking when he was done, “So let me get this straight. You are upset that Okuyasu has all these fangirls after him, and he can’t get them to go away, in fear that he will lose his job?”

“Yeah.”

“And you don’t want to do say anything that could get him in trouble?”

“Pretty much.”

He heard Polnareff light up another cigarette, “And you also feel bad for feeling, as you put it, jealous over all the attention he’s getting?”

“It’s not because he’s getting attention,” Josuke was working on his second cigarette, “It’s that these harpies won’t leave him alone and keep flirting when he’s clearly uninterested.”

“Worried about competition?” Polnareff chuckled.

“No! I mean—I guess? I’ve never had to deal with this before,” Josuke said, frustrated that he felt unable to articulate how he felt without sounding like a complete toolbag, “Oku’s never had a lot of attention paid to him, which is a travesty—“

“Clearly not that big of a travesty, considering how you’re feeling right now—“

“He’s just such a sweet, good person! And so good to me! Not to mention, he’s hot as fuck, and stacked like a brick shithouse. It’s fucked that I’ve been the only person to see that…“

Polnareff made some assenting noises, before speaking in rapid French to whomever was there with him again. He turned his attention back to the phone, “Your colorful description aside. Are you worried that he’s going to find someone better and move on, now that he has all this new found attention?”

Josuke took to pacing again, “…I guess. But I mean, who could be better than me, am I right?” His laugh was hollow sounding.

“If it makes you feel better, you’re not jealous, you’re just being territorial.”

“Isn’t that like, bad?”

The Frenchman tutted, “A little possessiveness is fine, as long as it isn’t abusive or damaging. You’re also naturally protective over people you care about, so it feels worse when you notice that Oku’s uncomfortable.”

“Damn, that’s true,” Josuke sighed, finishing his cigarette.

“Also, he’s head over heels in love with you, kid. You don’t have anything to worry about as far as him ‘finding someone better’. He lives and breathes for you.”

Josuke glanced down at the bracelet on his right wrist. On their 1 year anniversary, Okuyasu had bought him a delicate little gold bracelet that had 3 small golden stars linked together. You’re the stars in my sky, and I love you is what Oku whispered to him when he clipped it on; Josuke may or may not have cried a disgusting amount of tears.

“I know. Just…feeling insecure I guess…” Josuke paused, “If you tell anyone what I just said, I will fly to France and shave you bald.”

“Yeesh, no need for threats. I have no plans on repeating this to anyone.” Polnareff sounded like he was wincing, nothing hurt him like threats to the hair, “Everyone feels insecure at some point in their life, even us beautiful people.”

“Just making sure.” Josuke sat back down, and fought the urge to smoke a third cigarette, “So, how do I deal with all this…” he made a gesture, but remembered Polnareff couldn’t see him, “all this horse shit?”

“My advice? Stake your claim. You don’t have to be a total dick. You don’t have to get loud or aggressive. All you need to do is get one of those seats at that counter, and mark your territory in front of all those girls.”

“What if they get pushy?”

He could hear the grin in Polnareff’s voice, “Just be your sweet self. Do everything I would do.”

“Don’t think I’m gonna get that adventurous, but I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks Pol, I owe you one.”

“You sure do, but that’s a conversation for another time. Goodnight, kiddo.”

“Night, man.” With that Josuke hung up, already scheming.

When he reentered the café, it was still earlier than he normally did, but the rush had died down considerably. All of the girls were gone save for the ring leader, who was sitting in the second nearest seat to the cash register. Josuke made a beeline for the one right beside it. Oku had looked to the door with a faint scowl, clearly not had having a good day until he saw it was Josuke that had walked in. His scowl melted away into that bright, sunny grin that had earned him his pet name, “Look who it is. Did class end early?”

Josuke took a seat and just made himself right at home, “Hey sunshine,” he smirked at the color that flooded his boyfriend’s face and pointedly ignored the death glare he was getting from the girl beside him, “No, my classes with Professor Kuhn got cancelled for the week, so I decided to stop in early. How’s your day been?”

“Bad, but now that you’re here, it’s a million times better.” Oku put his elbows on the counter, laced his fingers together, and rested his chin on them, “What do you want?” His glasses were slightly sliding down his nose; he was so cute.

“Hmmm, I dunno…” Josuke looked up at the ceiling, tapped his chin, pretending to think really hard before looking directly into Oku’s eyes, “Are you on the menu?”

If Oku went any redder, Josuke would be slightly concerned, “M-Maybe later…” Josuke heard a huff beside him but ignored it, “Uhm, how about for now though?”

“Well, I guess I can settle for my usual.” He slid Oku’s glasses back up into place for him.

“Gotcha. You want any fruit with it?”

“Hmmm, gimme strawberries, with a chocolate drizzle.”

“Aye aye. Hey guys,” He hollered into the open window, “I need a plate of crepes, with strawberries and chocolate drizzle, please and thank you.”

“Is it for your maaaaan?” called out what appeared to be a sentient high ponytail, since that was all Josuke could see in the back.

“Yeeeahhh…” Oku answered, blushing hard.

A buff, surly looking dude walked into view, “I suppose you’ll want to cut the strawberries to arrange them in a heart? Or sprinkle the confectioners’ sugar on with love?” he teased, light French accent coloring his voice.

Okuyasu sputtered, “S-s-shut your mouth!! Maybe I do, what’s it to you??” The buff guy winked at Josuke before walking out of view again. Looked like Josuke wasn’t the only one who had put up with an obnoxious Frenchman today. “Bastard,” huffed Okuyasu, still smiling and flushed despite the insult, “I’m gonna go cut the strawberries and shit. Holler for me if anyone walks up front, okay?”

“Go do work, sunshine, I’ll be waiting.” Josuke blew an obnoxious kiss at him. Okuyasu’s ears and neck were blood red as he skittered to the back.

Now that Oku was out of earshot, Josuke finally peeked at the girl beside him. She had gorgeous lime green colored hair; nose and lip rings, with a tattoo of some kind of dragon snaking up her arm. Very pretty, but her face was twisted into a sour glare, determinedly not looking at Josuke.

“I’m a lucky guy…” He sighed dreamily. Greenie didn’t even spare him a glance. “Hey,” he said, as if he was realizing for the first time he had seen her before, “You come in here a lot, right?”

“Yep.” She didn’t even look at him, pretending to be very interested in her phone.

Josuke turned his head towards her, resting it in his right hand, “Don’t you think Okuyasu’s the greatest?”

“Yeah, he’s cool.” She grunted, clearly not wanting to have this conversation.

“You know, my mom always told me to find someone who knew how to cook, was cute, and could kick ass. Never imagined I’d find all of that in one person.”

Greenie finally turned towards him, a thin, insincere smile on her face, “Must be nice.”

Josuke gave her a shit-eating grin, “Hell yeah it is… Hey, between you, me, and this counter,” he leaned in closer, speaking softer, “No one ever flirted with Okuyasu or pursued him except for me. Most people don’t realize how wonderful he is until they get to know him.” Josuke faced forward, watching Oku work in the kitchen, laughing at something the girl with the ponytail was saying. “He never had fangirls until…” Josuke’s eyes slid back over to her, “He started working here.”

She had the decency to look guilty, but it snapped into a sneer, “What, you wising up and realizin’ you got some competition?”

Unable to help himself, Josuke threw his head back and guffawed, “Oh honey, like you even stood a chance.” He looked back down at her, “There isn’t a chance in hell you could ever get with him. You’re not even his type.”

“You’re only saying that because you’re scared I’m gonna steal him away—“

Josuke started cackling again, “That’s too funny, you think you are remotely close to my level.” He leaned over again, going for the kill, “Green really isn’t your color, especially with your complexion. It washes you out and brings out those bags under your eyes.”

Honestly, Josuke expected her to either: A) start throwing punches or B) start crying. He got option C, which was her looking ready to murder him, but instead of acting on it, she threw all of her shit into her bag, and stormed off without paying.

“Don’t let the door hit your sad, flat ass on the way out,” Josuke called after her.

Okuyasu came back out carrying his food, “Did she leave without paying?”

“Looks like it. Can I get some water, babe?”

“Thank god,” Okuyasu sighed in relief, “She’ll be banned from coming here again. No more havin’ to deal with that shit anymore.” He slid Josuke the cup of water, “Tell me what you think.”

Josuke took a bite out of his lunch: fabulous, as usual. “You made these, didn’t you?”

���Maaaaybe. Do you like it?” Oku looked into his eyes, searching for a lie he assumed was coming.

“It’s amazing,” Josuke smiled up at him, “You’re amazing, and I love you.” He picked up one of Oku’s hands and kissed it, “Mine.”

His boyfriend went bright red, “Yours.” Oku pulled out his phone, “Alright I gotta clock out and get to class, I’ll be done around noon. You wanna go back to your place after I’m done?”

“Yeah babe, sounds like a plan. I’ll be waiting right here for you.”

Okuyasu walked into the back to get his stuff. When he returned he kissed Josuke’s forehead, “Enjoy lunch, I love you.”

“Love you too.”

There was a chorus of OOOOO’s from the kitchen; Oku flipped them the bird and kept walking. Josuke chuckled to himself as he finished his food.

“Oku’s got it baaad~” sang ponytail girl.

“Good job on getting rid of that girl,” The French guy was hanging out of the window, “Never thought we’d be able to get her out of here.”

Josuke held up three fingers, “There’s three things in in my life you don’t fuck with,” he started ticking down digits as he spoke, “My hair, my mother, and Okuyasu. If you fuck with them, I will ruin your whole day.”

“Sounded like you shat all over that girl’s life.”

He sniffed, “Wasn’t the worst thing I could’ve said to her.”

Like a good boyfriend, Josuke did homework and waited patiently for Okuyasu. He didn’t even realize how much time had passed until Oku plopped down beside him, “I hate math. I don’t get that algebra shit.”

Josuke patted his shoulder before putting his books into his bag, “You’ll do great in business math next semester.”

“If you say so.”

“I do say so, and I’m right all the time.” Josuke hopped up, “Let’s go home.”

Okuyasu sighed and heaved himself up, “Only if we stop and get ice cream on the way, I’ll pay.”

“You spoil me…” Josuke gave him a smooch on the cheek before intertwining their fingers. He pulled his boyfriend close so he could whisper in his ear, “And I’ll spoil you when we get to my place.”

Josuke could feel the heat radiating off of Oku’s ear, “O-oh? You…you got anything in mind?”

“A lot of things, actually. But that’s all dependent on whether or not you’ve been a good boy—EEEE!” Josuke didn’t expect Okuyasu to pick him up like a bride to haul ass home.

They ended up saving ice cream for later.

[brendamariesmith]

Frozen Car and Other Musings

So here’s a crazy story for you about the love between mothers and sons and the lingering power of addiction. Normally I write fiction, but this is 100% true, though since it happened to me, my narration may not be 100% reliable.

My son, JD, is an auto mechanic, a green mechanic offering biodegradable motor oil and so much more, but this is beside the point. JD has been living in a mobile home (known in these parts as a trailer house) on a piece of land out west of Austin, Texas. The land is owned by a friend of JD’s named Jacob and his parents. There are two homes on the land and a couple of trailers. JD was very grateful to Jacob for giving him a good deal on the rent. JD was working on Jacob’s car, and it was taking a long time, due to parts orders and I don’t know what all. JD was fresh out of loaner cars, so he asked me if I would rent my car to Jacob at $120 for six days.

Well, I wasn’t crazy about the idea, but I needed the money, and I wanted to help JD out because he’s a good son who does me favors all the time, like keeping our cars running and buying me organic food. I said I would do the deal, and Jacob came to pick up my car. He seemed like a nice enough guy – maybe a little forced in his niceness. Something made me wonder about him, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. We signed a simple little agreement that said he’d have the car back to me by Valentine’s Day morning (because I had a doctor’s appointment that afternoon), he gave me $120 cash, and he said he would bring the car back washed with a full tank and an oil change. I thought that was a decent deal. He even asked if he could hug me, to which I said yes, somewhat awkwardly.

A little background: I am partly disabled and don’t use my car that much, but I do need it for doctor visits and for errands, which consist of driving through places in my neighborhood like the bank, the pharmacy, and fast food joints (I would go for healthier food if I could drive through to get it, but I don’t know of such a place anywhere near my house). I have loaned my car out to my sons for years, sometimes for months at a time, as long as they do errands for me and drive me places when I need it. So loaning out my car didn’t seem like a huge thing. Of course, that evening when I told my husband Doug what I’d done, he said, “Well, it’s your deal, not mine, since you didn’t ask me.” Cue the foreboding music.

Valentine’s Day morning arrives. I get ready for my doctor appointment and decide to call Jacob to see when he’ll be returning the car. He doesn’t answer his phone. After waiting a while and calling some more, I call JD. He says he has already tried to call Jacob and is getting worried that something is wrong. So JD leaves work and comes over to take me to the doctor and do my errands. Meanwhile, I get sick to my stomach and decide to cancel the doctor appointment. JD does my errands, then he calls Jacob’s mom. He walks away from me to talk to her, and I hear him using a hushed voice, saying “Uh-huh” and “I see” and “I’ll call you back.” This doesn’t seem good.

Sure enough, Jacob has been arrested and is in jail, in – wait for it – freaking Wisconsin! That is 1,200 miles away. Not only that, he has been arrested on felony charges in Texas and is being extradited back here, leaving my car behind. Now JD figures it would be a good time to tell me that Jacob is a recovering alcoholic who has been sober for five years but may have gone on a bender, and he sometimes does “stupid shit.” He had been in an “argument” with his “baby-mama,” she had supposedly pushed him and he had allegedly pushed back. A likely story. There is something about breaking and entering involved in his charges, too. What the fuck?!

Jacob’s mom, Lisa, doesn’t know where the car is parked, only that it’s at someone’s house. I’m picturing a crowded city street where my car is likely to get vandalized, stolen, or towed. Lisa doesn’t even know what jail Jacob is in, but she thinks it is around Madison in a county that starts with “Wau,” which is hilarious (not) because every third county in Wisconsin starts with Wau.

When Doug comes home from work that night, I say I have something bad to tell him but I want to wait a day so it won’t spoil Valentine’s. He says okay with a droll grin on his face, and he goes upstairs to change clothes. When he comes back down, he says, “Where’s your car? Does it have anything to do with what you don’t want to tell me?” And so I tell him. How could I not? Doug is so sweet that I can’t hide things from him. He doesn’t get mad at me, he just commiserates. I need that. We have five grown sons. We are accustomed to stupid shit.

I realize it’s up to me to find my damned car, my seventeen-year-old, powder-blue Nissan Maxima that I have babied and kept legal and insured, that still gets amazing gas mileage, and that needs a paint job, new tires, and a noise fixed in the front end. My car that I bought to travel to Oklahoma 32 times in two years in 2000 & 2001 when my parents were ill and dying. My car that I paid for twice because I leased it for three years before I bought it over another five. My car that has yet another lien on it because I put it up for collateral in a family business that failed, the car that could get repo’d any day but so far hasn’t. (The lender has made no efforts to collect the company debt – a mystery that I am happy to keep mysterious.) My comfortable car that I haven’t taken out of the state in a decade and that has only been as far as Houston and back a couple of times in recent years. My car that I can’t even afford to paint, much less replace.

I get online and find a map of Wisconsin counties. I find two that start with Wau around Madison. I call their jails, no Jacob. I call the county where Madison is, even though it doesn’t start with Wau, but still no luck. I call Jacob’s mom and ask her to please find out from Jacob, next time she gets a call from him, where exactly my car is, but she isn’t getting to talk to him every day. Plus he doesn’t know much since he has no phone and apparently no memory either. I go back online and am looking at a road map of Wisconsin, trying to see how JD will go when he drives my car back home, because he is going to drive my car home, oh yes he is.

It’s now been two days. While studying the Wisconsin map, I see a Wau county next to Milwaukee. I google their jail, and this one actually lists the names online of people they have in custody. And there he is, Jacob Blankety-Blank, the stupid-shit-doing son of a bitch. I call the jail. They are very nice to me, but they have a policy against relaying messages to inmates, so they won’t ask him where my car is. They do tell me he was not arrested with car keys or a wallet, though. I guess the lady feels sorry for me, so she offers to transfer me to the little town police department that arrested Jacob. I tell them the whole story all over again. The receptionist takes it down in great detail and says she will ask the arresting officer to call me back.

Meanwhile, although JD may or may not have known it, I have made him my bitch. I’m not sure, but I may have invented errands for him to run for me. I talk to Lisa about money to get JD to Wisconsin, but, although she is nice and as apologetic as can be, she has no money. In fact, Jacob has been paying the mortgage on their land because she and her husband are out of work, or only have work part-time, or some very sad story that I don’t fully absorb because my mind shuts down when she says they have no money to help us. They are worse off than I am.  That’s all I really catch.

 A police officer from the town of Occo-fucking-something-or-other calls me back. “Ma’am,” he says, “did you know you were loaning your car to a felon?” “No,” I say, after I smack myself in the head. The cop tells me a story of Jacob and his friends coming to Milwaukee for an annual Rave. They were stoned out of their minds and bothering the neighbors where they were staying. The cops calmed them down and departed, but returned to arrest Jacob after they ran a check on him and found his felony warrants. The cop says he knows where my car is, but he can’t tell me without permission from the people who have the car. I’m thinking drugged-out people who may not have even noticed my car, or mean-assed neighbors who had the car towed. I’m thinking slashed tires and smashed windows. I’m wondering if my car is now in Mexico or Canada or Timbuktu. I’m thinking of abandoning my beloved car.

But the cop, who has been a bit snarky so far, throws me for a loop when he says, “Tell you what. I’ll go by to see the people who have the car, and I’ll ask them to call you.” I don’t know how many times I say “Thank you!” but it is a lot.

I figure it might be days (or never) before I hear back, but that evening I get a call from Wisconsin. It’s a woman named Karen who says my car is fine, and that I can leave it there until JD comes to get it. “The policeman told me I didn’t have to call you back,” she says, “but I thought I’d call. And now that I realize you’re someone’s mom, I’m glad I did.” I thank Karen until I have no Thank-you’s left in me, and I promise to call her back. This is around February 17th.

I call JD, super-excited and ready to book him a flight. I tell him that Jacob’s mom Lisa offered to find a cheap flight because she claimed to be good at that.

“I want to drive,” JD says.

 “What the hell? That will take two days. And then you’ll have to get two cars home.”

“I’ll find someone to go with me. Flying is bad for the environment.” Evidently, so is loaning out your car to people you don’t know, to people who do stupid shit. “I can’t go for a few days because I have work to do,” he says. I get it because he is self-employed, but he caused this mess and I want him to fix it, like, Now!

“If you don’t have time to go, then you should definitely fly,” I say, and he says he’ll see what he can work out. He has no dinero either, but thinks he’ll get some from the jobs he is doing.

I wait for a day, then I start texting JD, asking him when and how he’s going to Wisconsin. I throw in a few more errands for him to run while I’m at it. He says he’s leaving for a trip to Mexico in less than a week. It’s a trip he’s already paid for, and he can’t get his money back. He’ll be gone for a week, and he can’t go get my car until a few days after he gets back. I am pissed. I think he should drop everything and go get my bleeping car.

But like a good passive-aggressive mother, I seethe inside while I arrange things with Karen to keep my car for two or three more weeks. I tell JD he has to loan me his car while he’s gone. “My car broke down, and I’m not gonna fix it,” he says. “I’m giving it back to the dealer.” This is his Chevy Volt electric car that cost a small fortune, and he’s giving it back?! I am beyond confused.

“You need to loan me another car then,” I say. JD says okay and describes three possible cars. They all sound huge and impossible to get in and out of, much less to drive. I pick the one that sounds the smallest. A day or so later, he brings me an old, smallish Subaru wagon with a reasonable paint job. “It looks legal, but don’t get stopped. That registration sticker is from another car.” Great, I think, but I’m so happy to have a car that actually fits me (I am short and very fat), that I start talking about trading my Maxima for the Subaru, or leaving the Maxima in Wisconsin since it will be so expensive to get it back. I may have been suffering from Stockholm Syndrome or something like it.

Karen in Wisconsin tells me the keys to the car are inside it under the seat. She lives in the country, “down a driveway that’s a mile long.” I ask her if she’s up to it, will she please bring the keys into her house. She is very ill, she says, from terminal cancer. She just moved to Wisconsin and doesn’t know her neighbors. She says her nephew and Jacob were partying at her house and she returned to a home surrounded by cop cars. She lives on a lake. Jacob and friends had gone out on the icy lake, wrecked on God knows what, and Jacob returned to the wrong house and tried to get in. These neighbors have a teenage daughter and were scared, so they called the cops. The mistaken house story sounds leaky to me, given Jacob’s breaking and entering charges in Texas. It could have happened, just like he could have stayed in Texas with my god-forsaken car.

JD goes to Mexico. I drive the Subaru and discover it’s not such a great car after all. It wanders on the road into other lanes. The cup holders are a joke. The A/C fan squeals so loudly that I have to turn it off in drive-thru lines, which are the only places I go. Luckily it’s not too hot yet. Thank the lord for small favors.

Jacob’s mom Lisa wants Karen’s phone number. She seems to have a mistaken idea that Jacob knew Karen before. Lisa says Jacob left his wallet up there, and it should have enough money to pay us back for JD’s plane ticket. But I can’t give Lisa Karen’s number without permission. Plus I start thinking that if Karen knows there’s money in the wallet, she might just take it for a storage fee, and who could blame her? Or Karen’s nephew, who sounds like a dumbass himself, might take the money. I stall on calling Karen for Lisa. Also, Jacob is already back in Texas. It doesn’t seem fair, even though he is in jail.

JD’s one week trip to Mexico turns into ten days. Before he returns home, I get a call from a long-time friend of mine, who is about eight years younger than I am. She tells me she went to Mexico with JD. They’d been seeing each other since September but were afraid to tell me. I don’t get it – why would they be afraid to tell me, a woman who had a couple of young boyfriends when she was forty? The intimidating mystique of motherhood. “Are you mad at me?” my friend asks. “Hell no,” I say. “My sons have already lost me a couple of old friends. They can’t have any more of them! But let’s not talk about it anymore, okay?” I didn’t want that picture in my head. Anyway, JD and my friend broke up, had a fight, and she left Mexico early, so why worry, right? (Says me, the woman with bigger fish to fry, like a car held hostage in the frozen tundra and a mad-man for a President. And the Great Barrier Reef being dead. And my stomach being entirely too volatile these days.) Oh, and by the way, the registration sticker on the Subaru belongs to my friend.

Finally JD comes back from Mexico and comes straight to my house before he even goes home. Lisa finds us a cheap flight, and we book it for JD to fly from Austin to Milwaukee two days later. JD has a dog, a pit bull rescue who is sweet but highly excitable. JD had left the dog with a friend while he was in Mexico, and the dog had “an incident,” the details of which are unclear. He is now in “doggie jail” for the next two weeks. Sad but ironically convenient for JD to leave town again. Poor dog.

Lisa reminds us that there’s money in Jacob’s wallet, which she now knows is in the car along with his other belongings. Since I used almost all the money I had for the plane fare and JD didn’t have any money after going to Mexico, I tell Lisa that JD needs money for the drive back. She says if the wallet has enough cash, JD can use it for the drive. But her heart is sinking, I can hear it in her voice. JD will have to move so Lisa can get the trailers off her land. They are illegally tapped into her septic system. She has to rent out Jacob’s house to help pay the mortgage without income from Jacob. She needs money for his lawyer. She is sweet and sad about her son fucking up so much. “I didn’t raise him to be this way,” she says. “I know you didn’t,” say I. Heart-breaking. The next morning I call Karen to tell her that JD is coming early Saturday afternoon.

Friday night JD comes by to get the extra set of car keys, Karen’s phone number, and directions to her house, which is a long, $100 cab ride from the Milwaukee airport. I also give him phone numbers for family who live along the way back. I’m worried sick about him driving so far alone, but he says he has friends he plans to visit in Illinois and Missouri and Oklahoma and will take his time coming back. He has $400 for the trip. It could be enough IF nothing goes wrong.

Saturday morning, March 4th, JD’s already in St. Louis to change planes. We send each other a string of Facebook messages. I call Karen. Good thing I did. She thought he was coming on Sunday, I don’t know why. Pain meds, I’m guessing. JD lands in Milwaukee just before one p.m. Karen calls to say she’s going out but will leave the keys in the car. Next thing I know, I have a new Facebook message with a picture of my car. It looks beautiful! (Mostly because the shot is a side view, and all the peeled paint on the hood and roof of the car can’t be seen, but still it’s beautiful!)

There’s a second photo of snow on the ground in the woods with the infamous lake in the background. The car’s tires are low from the cold, and Karen isn’t home. Luckily the car had enough coolant/antifreeze to keep the block from cracking. Been there, done that. Not fun. JD says the wallet is in the car, and there’s enough money for the plane and the drive. Will wonders never cease? JD takes the car to buy Karen a plant for a thank-you gift and to air up the tires. Karen is there when JD returns. He gives her the plant and a big hug. He feels like he made her day.

JD takes three days to drive home, visiting friends and my brother and his family on the way. It’s like pulling teeth to get JD to communicate with me. He takes one more day to gas and clean my car, to change the oil, and to investigate the front end noise that has grown much louder. My car is a thousand times better to drive than that illegal Subaru. It sits low to the ground, like me. It has sturdy cup holders and an A/C fan that doesn’t squeal (a special blessing since it’s hot now). And it stays in its own lane.

I get my car back on March 9th, one month and one day after I “rented” it to Jacob. Better yet, I’ve got my son back too. It was a bit of wicked fun to have a personal bitch for a while, but there’s nothing better than a loving son. And JD knew it was his responsibility too, so he didn’t bitch much about being my bitch. He took care of me willingly, and for that I am hugely grateful. Whatever stupid shit he may do, it won’t be as stupid as poor Jacob.

No telling when Jacob will get out of jail. I calculate that he owes me at least a thousand dollars just for the mileage he put on my car. Not sure what’s a fair price for stealing my car and the weeks he took off my life. JD says Jacob is a stand-up guy. He does stupid shit, but he will pay me back. I’m not holding my breath, but I will not forget either.

Jacob and his family are the real tragedy here. Addictions never go away, they only get held in check sometimes. After the cost of the plane trip, the drive, two motels, cab fare, food, and the plant gift, there was $11.00 left. I kept it out of principle. At least we got our money back. What remains to be seen is whether or not Jacob and his family will get their lives back. Let us hope so. That stupid thirty-year-old kid. Argh!!

And me? My stomach has calmed way down, knock on wood. In fact, I’m feeling so frisky that I might just venture out solo to the drive-thru liquor store on the opposite side of Austin. Got to stretch my horizons. I might even save up to paint my sweet old ride, if it doesn’t get repo’d first.