#that book didn't see a single edit - not from the author herself and not from an actual editor either
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book asks: 3, 13 16, 20
3. What were your top five books of the year?
The Wisdom of Crowds by Joe Abercrombie
Nona the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir
Caliban's War by James S. A. Corey
The Dragon's Path by Daniel Abraham
A Madness of Angels by Kate Griffin
13. What were your least favorite books of the year?
5. Redemptor by Jordan Ifueko 4. Fevered Star by Rebecca Roanhorse 3. Towers of Midnight by Robert Jordan and Brandon Sanderson 2. The Ruin of Kings by Jenn Lyons 1. The Never Tilting World by Rin Chupeco
16. What is the most over-hyped book you read this year?
I finished the last three Wheel of TIme books and I've found that series to be overhyped as a whole, but I feel like that's low-hanging fruit for me. And I read a few new releases that were pretty disappointing, but I feel like the publishers gave up on marketing them before even their covers or titles were released, so they weren't hyped?
I'll go with The Justice of Kings by Richard Swan. I actually really enjoyed this book, but the fantasy community hyped up this debut as the next ASOIAF but make it The Witcher. I think I've gotten better lately at tempering my expectations with mega-hype like that, but I ended up getting my hopes up way high anyway. If it hadn't been hyped and if it hadn't been compared to ASOIAF or The Witcher, this probably would've been one of my favorite reads of the year. In that sense, the trilogy almost feels set up to fail. It's a fine story - not an amazing one, but it's definitely fine, and Vonvalt is easily the most interesting character with his loyal, reliable, straitlaced side that serves the kingdom and solves the murder mystery (the Ned Stark side), and his passionate, disaffected, violent, unpredictable side that just wants to protect his found family (the Geralt of Rivia side, though I don't mean to call Geralt violent or unpredictable in the same way Vonvalt is).
However, you can tell this is Swan's first book in pretty much every aspect of the writing, I don't think the female lead POV is the best choice especially because Swan worked in some rapey and Freudian weirdness with her that didn't need to be there, and I was extremely underwhelmed by Vonvalt's motivations during the ending. It's just not as clever or as lush or deep of a book as I'd been hoping for.
20. What was your most anticipated release? Did it meet your expectations?
My MOST anticipated release was def Nona the Ninth (TLT #3) by Tamsyn Muir. I actually lowered my expectations hugely for this book after reading book 2, and after Muir announced there was going to be 4 books instead of 3. So I expected 3 to feel transitory and incomplete. Also, The Locked Tomb series has been getting its own hate club over the last couple years, as is typical of media that lots of women and girls like, but I think it's gotten some fair criticism for being badly marketed ("Space lesbians!" slogans instead of talking about the magic or the world or the twists or the EXTREMELY dark places the story goes to) and for its fandom.
After rereading the first two books as physical copies instead of audiobooks this time, and then going into book 3, Nona turned out to be amazing and it completely took me by surprise. Easily one of the strangest books I've ever read, but one of my favorites too.
#ask me#I also read Jade Legacy this year but I didn't love it as much as most people did - Fonda Lee's writing just got way too stale#but it's not in the top 5 or the bottom 5 it's just floating in the middle#I am not over how bad Fevered Star was though.... but I'll never be over how bad The Ruin of Kings was#that book didn't see a single edit - not from the author herself and not from an actual editor either#But I'm still reeling from the gut punch of The Wisdom of Crowds#that was my first read this year and I therefore basically started this year unconscious it was OOF
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Trick or treat!
I'm glad you're still at my door waiting for a treat after 4 days... Please come in, have some tea, you must be freezing!
Here's something I've found on an old USB key. It's some Helen whump, don't think I've ever published it. Here you go :) :
It might not be an easy adjustment exactly, but Helen has to admit that having nothing to do on Sundays is somehow less unpleasant than she had first thought it would be when Will had forced her to promise she would drop the habit of working 24/7, bent on controlling everything that was being done in her sanctuary, looking over her employees' shoulder. She smiles. When had her protégé acquired this new self-confidence, she wonders? He had left her with no choice but to subscribe to the schedule he had established, and even Henry had been at a loss for words, his gaze going from his friend to his boss in silent merriment, waiting for her to react according to her standards.
But she had promised Will she would let him be her associate. She couldn't discard his first proof of leadership. That would have put a damper on his mood as well as on their relationship.
So she is there, in the library, one of the only places where she cannot be accused of working, yet a more suited place than her bedroom, where she has always felt it was indecent to be if you didn't want to sleep or write private letters. Can't blame a three hundred and plus woman for being old-fashioned, right?
She belongs in this room like an ancient urn belongs in a museum. She has seen some of the books carefully placed on the shelves in the process of being written, has inspired some even. She understands most of them because she has lived through their context. She has seen the general opinion shift around some of them, as if some authors had been born in the wrong era, a century too soon... She shares that feeling too. Born too soon and now too old. She has never found the century in which she felt right.
She has avoided the History section carefully – living through the twentieth century twice has left her with a kind of allergy to it – moving swiftly towards her own dedicated space in a corner, where an artificial fireplace keeps a small relaxation area warm. The space is intimate, surrounded by curved bookcases loaded with her favorite books: costly signed copies of first editions, mostly, but also old manuscripts, scientific thesis, unfinished novels she had been left with after some of her friends' deaths... More recent things too. Harry Potter is snuggled between Albert's Relativity and H.G's War of the World, and she's sure her two friends would have loved the young wizard.
Today though, she's not exactly there for the comfort brought by her literary friends; from where she sits in her leather armchair, she can watch Nikola work at leisure. She found him a few hours ago when she arrived, looking for a book that could have distracted her from the irresistible itch to go to her office and finish paperwork. She has read Kafka's Metamorphosis once again, thinking she would have taken some pleasure in leaving the man finish his transformation into a freaking Cillobar had she known what a compromising mess his novel would create.
Nikola hasn't moved an inch since page one. He is still lying face up on the sofa in his eternal three piece suit, his head resting in the palm of his hands. She has to focus on his chest to see it slowly rise and fall with each breath he takes, but she knows better than to think he's sleeping. No. He is either trying to break the defenses of her new wine cellar – it had taken her decades to find a suitable system of locks that would resist at least two weeks under his relentless scrutiny – or he was working on an invention.
She knows he is aware of her, peacefully gazing at him. Two world wars and a host of enemies have sharpened his animal instincts. She knows. She has not had a single night of sound sleep herself since the first time she has had to spend a night beyond enemy lines. She was a ninja sleeper, as Henry said.
Nikola is perfectly relaxed. Maybe her presence is as soothing to him as his is to her. He knows she would not let him be throttled while... She feels a thrill travel across her body, from her abdomen to her scalp. She might be witnessing the birth of Tesla's next groundbreaking invention.
“Dear, your thoughts are awfully loud.”
Helen is startled out of her reverie by Nikola's voice, and just like that the silence is broken. He is not complaining though. He is only stating a fact: there's something on her mind and he senses it in the way her heart throbs erratically.
She sighs, and her shoulders relax. Had they been tense? She had not even noticed.
“Sometimes it feels like you know me inside and out.” She begins with a sad smile.
The only movement betraying his attention is the raise of an eyebrow above his closed eyes.
“I know. It feels like we met only yesterday. And yet I know you so well...” He says, half sarcastically, offended by the fact that yes, she just implied that most of the time, she feels like he doesn't know her so much.
Helen is lost in thoughts, and she doesn't realize she has hurt his ego.
“Do you?” she asks, absentmindedly.
“I know you enough to tell that idleness is bad for your mood. You have too much time to think. You should do yoga. Take cooking classes, whatever floats your boat so long as you don't keep on sitting around with your morbid thoughts.”
Helen lets out an exhalation that sounds somewhere between a snort and a sob, and that has Nikola opening his eyes to look at her.
“I'm dead serious. Why do you think churches used to be crammed on Sabbaths back in the good old days?”.
She cracks a smile, albeit a sad one. They are back to their old dynamic as if nothing has happened just before the explosion. Oh he has talked about the kiss first hand, even before she could open her mouth to welcome him to their new home. We didn't have time for a proper goodbye speech and yet I must admit you made your exit really classy. Plus, stealing me a goodbye kiss when I had stolen a hello one from you in Rome? Nice touch. A tad too tragic maybe, but still satisfying from the literary perspective.
That and the way it had made her carefully prepared speech sink at the bottom of her memory had been enough to convince her that neither of them was ready to take their relationship to the next level. Still, she feels a discrepancy quietly lying between how she feels and how she acts around him. It seems like a huge distance is keeping them apart and he isn't even aware of it. Why would he, when he hasn't spent more than a century out of time, keeping away from her as much as possible?
“No one seems to see how much I have changed since I've reintegrated this time-line.” She sighs suddenly.
It's not like her to speak so freely to Nikola, but she desperately needs to let everything out. She only hopes he will understand.
“I don't recognize you. I'd swear you used to work on Sundays. Not that I liked it, it made you boring.” He points out.
She closes her eyes and shakes her head, biting her bottom lip, and that's when Nikola understands he cannot brush the subject away with his trademark sarcasm. A shadow crosses his face. He knows what she's been through more than she realizes.
“Seriously Helen, what's a century or two between us?”
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Postmortem: #CrushedVN Edition
Okie doke y'all! It's been some time so I guess we're good to dissect this project!
(I almost didn't bother with writing this up, but at the end of the day I do the dev diaries and the random--game development related--posts for me to look back on and prove I'm learning. Getting better. Not regressing. So. Might as well move forward!)
Background/Inspiration
It's like if you took my late 2022 brain and threw it into a blender!! Most of these are self-explanatory (Boys Love media I adore with emphasis on early to late teen experiences.) Let me draw your attention to The Edge Of Seventeen: not sure how many times I've rewatched, but it makes me tear up every single time. Main character Nadine is awkward AF, still hasn't come to terms with the death of her father years prior, isn't on the best terms with her mom or her older brother, and even ends up on rocky terms with her best friend too!! Anyway, that feeling of being young, and a little angry and a little sad and not feeling quite right on the inside but eventually reaching a place where things fiiiiiinally start to work out...it's just a sliver of what I wanted to capture and infuse into Crushed.
Listen y'all, I just pulled and pulled and pulled from real life experiences. I was inspired by authors Julian Winters, Leah Johnson, and Jay Coles' works (all Young Adult authors LOL! Fitting since I seem to be creating things for the teens at this juncture in my life). This all provided the base for Corey and his inner world. Also, I've been wanting to create a bookworm character...no time like the present right???
As for deciding to specifically create a boys' love visual novel of all things?? First, y'all must understand that I fought the original idea and anything related to it. This was coming off the heels of me suddenly seeing (another) wave of players throwing fits about indie games forcing you to play as a femme character. First off, no one is forcing you to do anything. Secondly, we are still at a point in video games where the majority of characters you play as are male. Forgive some of us for wanting a little variety 😑Thirdly, for those looking for games where there's even more inclusivity (choosing pronouns, playing as nonbinary/trans, and etc) I really wish that players would seek out those games that ARE being made and support them so the developers don't lose steam and drop their projects. It's so disheartening to make something that's meant to be consumed and BOOM, silence.
Anyway, all of that to say that as a developer herself who's tired of watching girls' media be regulated as Less Than, made fun of, and just overall disrespected, I wasn't interested in making any games that didn't center a female character. But back to my main point!!!
I had Heartstopper, the webtoon, infecting my brain. I was so not immune to falling in love with Nick and Charlie like everybody else. But then I was hit for the 34573847th time that I was engaging with white queer media. And I knew that if Nick and Charlie were Black Brits, they wouldn't be getting half the attention they are now. Even less if the boys were girls and we had a sapphic relationship on our hands. (But that sapphic story from Hummingbird Games is still brewing, and Corey and Jacob's story was ready first.)
Also....the biphobia is real. It's insidious. I could write a whole book about how the straights and the gays need to get their shit together. I could then write a sequel about how the Black community can be some of the worst offenders when it comes to our Bi Fam and say some of the most ignorant and devastating things. But I had limited time on my hands and decided to write a short VN instead. Once I let Corey just be, exist as the person he is, everything fell into place.
Things That Went Right...
I took a very niche, very Specific To Me, very nestled in the space between my heart and my brain and wrote a script just so I could be a part of a game jam specifically highlighting and supporting the work of Black game developers.
And I submitted the bitch on time.
I'm always down for anxiety rep!!! As a fellow anxiety haver, I say the more visibility the better!!! At the same time, it's not a one size fits all, and there were some things I dealt with that I'd never seen depicted and I figured I might as well be true to my experiences. Maybe someone would take solace in Corey the way I've taken solace in other characters for reflecting my lived experiences.
I tried new things I was scared of or didn't have time for with HSD or didn't feel confident enough to sit and learn previously: partial voice acting (and holding auditions to incorporate more), a text message system (which wasn't my own but part of learning to code for me means being able to take what others have done and replicate and/or use it myself), and implementing music and sound effects with intention. I've done it with film, but games are a close cousin in a lot of ways. A LOT of ways. I should remember that.
I still didn't do too well in the marketing department but for this game, it didn't feel like a failure. I also didn't really try. Oops. I've got to do better. I went into Crushed knowing it wouldn't have half the audience HSD does, and yet the feedback I've received for Crushed has made me want to break down into tears of relief.
I launched the game around 10 something at night my time and proceeded to be sick with anxiety for about 3 days. For three whole days I legit felt like I was going to die. And then I wanted to laugh because didn't I just make a game to express a version of the human condition?
Things That Were Different...
HSD showed off my skills when it comes to intensive planning and sticking mostly to that plan. Crushed was a jam entry that became more extensive over time and found me flying off the seat of my pants.
I also had less (aha, zero???) budget this time around. Because again. Jam entry. It wasn't supposed to be a Big Affair. But now that it's over and out to you guys, I'm not mad. You could say that it all worked out.
If I Could Go Back, I Would...
For one, I would have smacked the voice in my head that said "let's add more voice acting now". I love the feature, but there's no reason why I couldn't have done auditions after release. I was impatient and restless waiting for art assets, and my idleness led me to take on more things just to not feel useless. I Have Learned My Lesson, thanks.
I Had The Pleasure of Learning...
There will always be an obstacle in the way of game development. (And sometimes your body will be your own worst enemy, yuck.)
I don't know who my audience is (yet) for HBG but I'm always a part of it. And that's not a bad thing. If I hadn't felt so strongly about Crushed or even HSD, neither project would have happened because I would have given up a long time ago.
To the Future...
Empasis on future, but the world of Crushed isn't exhausted. It lives in the bigger universe of HSD:JY but took on a life of its own. So it's no surprise that Corey and his friends became even more precious to me. Not that I know when I'll be able to work on it, but right after finishing and publishing the demo, I outlined a rough draft for a kinetic novel sequel told through Jacob's POV. In my head, Corey's story was always half of a whole, and busting out Jacob's outline so quickly confirmed that.
(What I didn't anticipate was how loved Oke and Keegan would be, or that there would be a want for their story outside of myself??? Between us and this postmortem, I hope to sort out their deal and get the satisfaction of seeing another type of love story/dynamic I can't get enough of and share it!)
Closing Thoughts
The comments I've gotten concerning Crushed and noting the appreciation for its slice-of-life/grounded-ness is reassuring! Maybe I'll branch out to other genres, but realism will be something I always come back to. Also, making Crushed wasn't too traumatic soooooo that means I'm still making games LOL! Can't get rid of me yet!
- Gemini 💛
(some links of other posts where I went on tangents concerning the creation of Crushed; these can also be found by searching the tag "crushed vn"!)
Music Inspo and Crushed
Memes Tag Game
Game Dev Commentary: Bonus Content
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Shattered Ice
Author: Rebekka Strand
Series: The Origins of Kaia #1
My Rating: 7/10 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Plot Summary: Kaia has lived her entire life in the ice caves deep underground of the glacial planet Eirlys. Her future seems set in stone: continue to work in the mines and try not to die of an unfortunate accident. But when the mysteriously advanced Solon medical team arrives to her town a web of secrets starts to unravel around her. Kaia is forced to run from everything she has ever known, fighting for her life, and battling with unending guilt and shame. She must learn the uncomfortable truths about herself and the people she loves the most to survive.
TL:DR: Shattered Ice is full of action packed chase scenes, fights and the ever popular deadly sports competition, but it really shines in it's realistic portrayal of a young girl suddenly confronted with the knowledge that secrets have been hidden from her for her entire life. Kaia's is a realistic character with flaws and hang-ups and it is heart wrenching to watch her battle herself and the world around her.
Thoughts and Feelings: This was a fun and inventive young adult science fiction novel that really shined in Kaia's characterization and internal conflict. One of my favorite tropes in young adult novels is when the protagonist starts the story realistically useless and they have to grow throughout the book to actually become a hero. I think it's way more realistic and interesting than when the main character begins the story as a hero. And Shattered Ice accepts that challenge and really runs with it. Kaia struggles with intense feelings of self-doubt/self-hatred, cowardice, and ugly rage. She bounces back and forth between relentlessly blaming herself for everyone's suffering and then blaming everyone else around her when it is convenient. (The self blame does become repetitive at points, but I appreciate what was being done). Throughout the story we see her struggle with these things, but they aren't treated like issues that can be resolve easily. I think that this character struggle is going to be a central conflict throughout the future books in the series.
I really enjoyed the world created in this book, but I would have loved to get more background on the history of the people and more information about the culture/societal structure present. Because there wasn't as much of this information present there were certain plot points or transitions between one location and another that didn't feel as smooth as they could have been and it left the book feeling like it there were several separate stories present in a single book. All of the stories were good stories! Just separate.
Kaia's semi-romantic interest, Biorki, was another strong character and as someone who doesn't love the focus on romance in science fiction and fantasy books I appreciated that the romantic aspect of their relationship didn't overtake everything else. And yet I am invested in seeing their relationship development in the future! The ending was also heart breaking in a special kind of way which was impressive.
Shattered Ice definitely falls within the young adult genre based on the characters, the writing style, and the overarching plot, however there are a handful of very graphic and realistic depictions of violence that people should consider before digging into it. They don't happen often and don't become a major part of the story but they do exist.
Thanks to NetGalley and the Victory Editing Co-Op for the ARC in exchange for an honest review
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WonderBug
Angst Edition
Diana Prince (Wonder Woman) x Marinette Dupain-Cheng (Ladybug)
I am late. SO, so , so late but here it is
1: Soulmates @maribat-angst-fluff-april
My partner is the wonderful @thedragonbug
Ao3
Fuffy Edition
Soulmates exist, and Marinette hates hers. You see everyone is born with their half or part of a complete soul mark. The other parts would appear when you were closer to your soulmate and be permanent when they were close emotionally. For everyone, the appearance or 'drawing' of the mark was light and warm. But not for her, no her drawing was heavy and hot, like a hot knife digging into her arm.
Her parents knew this, and it was concerning, to know that their child was in pain because of their soulmate. Seeing as the marks were not supposed to be painful. Yet as there was no good reason given by medical and mark professionals, and the fact that her soulmate didn't stay near her for long there was nothing that they could do. They did tell her that few, this phenomenon affects one in a million people and she was just lucky enough to be one of them.
Over the years she grew used to the pain, but every time she did it would come back even stronger than the last. She slowly hated her mark and in turn her soulmate. Marinette would cover her mark, ignore it, even wish it away. All her soulmate did was bring her pain. Sure, it upped her pain tolerance, but it hurt her still.
When she turned fourteen, she became Ladybug. She then recognized that her mark was actually the wire of her yo-yo.
The first time Chat Noir claimed they were soulmates she broke down in tears. luckily for her he told her during patrol and not an attack.
"We aren't soulmates, Chat, and I'm glad we aren't." She nearly whispered.
"Why Bug?"
"Because I hate my soulmate, and I don’t want to ever hate you."
"Why would you hate your soulmate?" He seemed genuinely curious. But no one outside her parents knew, not a single person knew what happens to her.
"Because it hurts when they are close, it hurts so badly. The drawing is painful. I never want to meet the person who keeps hunting me." Tears formed in her eyes and Chat hugged her.
"I'm not your soulmate, then." She shook her head. "Good thing I'm your partner, and Plagg help me I am going to be your best friend. Got that Bugaboo?"
A half-hearted chuckle and a small smile escaped her. "Sounds good Kitty." The first person she has ever told, the person who was convinced that they were soulmates, cares for her, to help alleviate some of her pain.
The two became inseparable after that, to the point that most of Paris believed they were in a relationship.
When Nadia asked them about it during an interview, their reactions were memorable. Both all but gagged, turned to face each other, and then laughed almost falling out of the seats.
"I believe we have missed the joke." Nadia commented, worried, and confused.
"Why would I date my sister?"
"Sister?"
"Ladybug and I consider each other siblings in all but blood."
"Everything between us is simply platonic, not even close to romantic.” Ladybug answered after Chat.
“Then why would the whole of Paris believe you to be soulmates?” She may be good at hiding her pain, but the question must have made her react slightly, or Chat knew how sensitive the topic was to her.
“We aren’t soulmates, not the bonded ones that everyone thinks of.” He began. “We are the holders of the black cat and ladybug respectively because our souls resonate with the miraculous. Sure, they are two parts of a whole, but we are practically twins, two halves of coin. She is the sister I choose, she is my partner, and that is our relationship.”
“He’s completely right, now I think it’s time for us to start our patrol, BugOut!” Her smile now in place and their excuse to leave perfectly timed and respectful they made their exit.
They went on their patrol as normal, except just as they arrived at the Eiffel Tower to end the patrol. She was about to land on the platform when a searing pain flashed and radiating affecting her entire body blinding her momentarily. A single moment caused her to collapse on the tower landing, crumpling on the platform.
“LB!” Her breath came out in short bursts, she was clutching her upper arm eyes squeezed shut. This was the worst it has ever happened before, and she wanted it to end. As soon as the cause of pain came it disappeared. Leaving only the memory and a phantom pain.
"Just give me a minute." She slowly got her breathing under control, starting to get accustomed to the new level of pain.
"You weren't kidding that is the worst I’ve ever seen you hurt."
"Yeah not fun."
---
A month after that her mark burned again. This time during class. The teachers knew she would randomly stop due to pain, but they were told they were random migraines. To the point Mari would hold her head and rub her arm to sooth herself, while playing up a headache. Adrien stayed back after the class let out." You know you don't always need to put on a brave face Bugaboo."
Her attention snapped to him. "Well it's easier than constantly answering questions Kitty." She figured quickly.
Sure, they found out one another's identity, but that worked in their favor. After Tikki got sick, Fu started training Mari, and after a month Marinette was given guardianship. Fu still hasn’t lost his memories because Mari let Wayzz stay with him, for the time being, he eventually returns it to Mari in order to move on with his life, his memories fading gradually.
When Adrien got his hands on the grimoire, he of course showed it to Marinette.
“Kitty I know you don’t want to hear this, but I think your dad might be Hawkmoth.” This seemed to perfect for him to have without him being a villain.
“I know, but…”
“Adrien is there any motive anything that might be what he would wish for?”
“My mom. Dad closed himself off when she disappeared. I bet he would wish for her back.”
“Okay, so I’m going to be blunt okay.” He nodded. “So, if your mom is dead there isn’t anything that can be done without the wish, meaning at least one other person is dying.”
“So…”
“But if she is anything but.” She flipped through the grimoire recalling the studies she’s did with Fu. “There are ways we can find or even heal her.”
“This is all riding on an if.” He looked unsure as if this was too much to accept.
“Do you trust me?”
“If I didn’t, I would have turned tail and run a long time ago.”
“You dork.” She lightly shoved him, but he swayed dramatically.
“You two are close.” The new student in their class came up to them.
“Lila, right?”
“That’s right.” She answered sickly sweet, almost fake. “Are you two soulmates by any chance?”
“No.” Adrien answered. “Why?”
“You’re Adrien Agreste! Why would you be in public school?” She finally seemed to recognize.
“Let’s just say it’s a bit of rebellion.” He chuckled.
“We’re still on for video games, right?” She brought up to end the conversation seeing that Adrien was getting uncomfortable.
“Your winning streak is going down.” He announced.
“You want to join us, Lila?” She offered.
“Why?”
“Because your new and I want to get to know you.” Marinette answered honestly.
“Why?”
“Because we know you lied but still want to know you, the real you.” Adrien added.
“Why?” She asked suspiciously now.
“Question! Is it a felony to kidnap her to play video games, have snacks, get to know her, then let her go?”
“Well the kidnapping part is but if she goes willingly, I call that a hangout session.” Adrien mused.
“True, true.” She hummed. “So, what do you say, because now I am determined to get to know you.”
“Wh…”
“Kidnapping it is.” Adrien decided and grabbed the new girl’s wrist pulling her out of the library. Mari picking up their bags.
Lila herself wasn’t too bad once she started telling the truth, lying is a coping mechanism she created, because she is constantly moving schools, cities, and even countries. She is pretty interesting when she isn’t exaggerating. She was on a Hollywood movie set, but she was there on accident, she was looking for the bathroom in a restaurant and they were filming there that day. She did save a kitten on a tarmac once, but one it wasn’t Jagged Stones, it was a kitten who spooked out of their carrier and rushed down the stairs. Lila dove and caught it before it could leave the passenger unloading area to get the tram to the airport. (Some small airports unload passengers in a certain area of the tarmac and either shuttle them to the building or have a sectioned of walkway that is cleared for passengers, to walk back in only.)
After almost two hours Lila left for home when Adrien’s father called, and he was angry. Together she and Adrien ran back to the Agreste Mansion.
“Adrien!” Gabriel came out disheveled and slightly panicked. “And Miss Dupain-Cheng.” He slightly composed himself.
“Sorry I kept him.” She apologized. “He showed me this really cool book and you know how it is when inspiration hits.”
“Ah yes the inspiring fashion designer friend.” Adrien had walked up and handed his father the grimoire.
“It’s quite an interesting spell book.”
“You can read it?”
“Yes, I can. (Come on out little butterfly.)” Nooroo flew out from his hiding spot. “Hello kwamii of transmission and to you as well Hawkmoth.” She was calm deathly calm.
“How?!” Gabriel growled.
“Calm down. I have a question for you first. You want the jewels used by Ladybug and Chat Noir, why?”
“Would my answer change your plan of action to urn me into authorities and to the heroes?”
“My response may change, but you’ll have to answer to find out.”
“My wife wielder the peacock miraculous, it is broken, and she fell ill, and is in a comatose state.”
“Ah! So here is what is going to happen.” She took the grimoire from Gabriel and flipped over pages. “There is a way to revive her without resorting to using the wish.”
“How do you know this?”
She simply smiled. “You mind gathering these ingredients please Adrien?” She text him a list.
“Sure.”
“How do I know that this isn’t a ruse?”
“One I hate liars, and two because all magic has a cost, and this way is less than if you were to use the wish.”
“What do you mean cost?”
“Just like using your transformation wears on the kwamii, and the power affects your limit. Magic has its cost. The wish because it will always rewrite reality, the price is steep. Bringing back one life means you lose at minimum one other person from your life most likely more.”
“And this?”
“From what I understand. Everyone involved in the spell will have their energies deprecated so they will sleep for a day to a week.”
“Randomly?”
“No, the more people the less each person sleeps.”
“Here they are!” Adrien burst back in the room.
“Do you have the peacock miraculous?” Gabriel nodded. “Okay we’ll need that first, so lead the way to the kitchen.” Both men shuffled confused. “You do know where the kitchen is right?”
“Um well find it eventually.” Adrien chuckled. They were lucky and form it easily and Gabriel left while she and Adrien began to individually brew two separate potions. Adrien the more complex one for his mother’s revival. And she did the simpler one to fix the miraculous. Sue her Adrien is the better one in chemistry, sure he can’t cook to save himself, but he has a gift for chem, and Tikki help her she will teach him to cook. It’s practically edible chemistry, right?!
She took the Brock from Gabriel and fixed it, allowing Duusu out. “Okay so who is going to do this?”
“We will,” Adrien answered for himself and his Father, who nodded.
“Please let be help as well.” Miss Sancoeur offered.
Nooroo, Duusu, Tikki, and Plagg (they came out of hiding now) came to her. “We can help.”
She nodded and saw that Gabriel and Natalie were staring wide eyed between her and Adrien. She thought she heard Natalie say, ‘That explains so much’ but she isn’t sure.
Long story short they were able to wake up Emile, but she took back the peacock and butterfly, leaving Plagg with Adrien. Funnily enough the Agreste’s became a second family to her, once Gabriel finally grasped how to be a father. They told Paris that they had found Hawkmoth, but he would be tried by the order of Miraculous, meaning he would be stripped of the gem and his memories of the miraculous erased. It was a lie but Tikki told her that was what would have happened. There was some outcry, but they explained that they would have no recollection of it, and it wouldn’t make sense to try them.
The next few years of her life were blissfully normal, aside from the fact she had a contract under the Gabriel brand as the designer MDC, who was also endorsed by Style Queen. Chloe isn’t as bad as she puts on when she isn’t masking the hurt of being constantly ignored and bought by her parents.
- - -
It wasn’t until she was twenty-two and accompanying Adrien to a Wayne charity gala, one he didn’t want to go alone and two she was invited anyways, Chloe, Kagami, and Luka were also there on their own merits and invitations so they all stuck relatively together. Since arriving there Marinette was a constant pain, her arm burned and ached, but she forced herself to simply breathe and tried her hardest to push it out of her mind. But her luck wouldn’t hold, three hours into the event she was approached by who she recognized as Bruce Wayne, the host of the gala, and a woman to his left, the pain was almost unbearable the closer the two approached. Her friends noticed, they knew what her pain actually meant, as she opened up to them about it after a while, but she grit her teeth and tried to push through it.
“Mr. Agreste, Miss Bourgeois It is good to see you both again.” Bruce Wayne acknowledged. “It’s nice to meet all of you as well, Bruce Wayne.” He introduced to the rest, shaking hands. “And this is a good friend of mine.”
“Diana Prince.” She also went to shake everyone’s hands and had left Marinette for the last. The moment their hands touched she almost crumpled, she shrunk back and into Adrien and Chloe. “Is she okay?”
“Diana?” Bruce pointed towards her upper arm, the mark most of them overlooked before was now complete and glowing lightly. What Marinette remembered was that there was her yo-yo string and a golden rope that she only saw once before on her own arm. She felt sick, Diana was staring at her now, she recognized that Marinette was her soulmate.
“Melody?” Luka now stepped up.
“I want to leave.” She answered flatly.
“You are…”
She completely turned away, but by now her friends knew what was going on and were glaring at Diana. “I want to leave, now.” She repeated.
“Come on bug, let’s get you away from… this.” He threw a look at Diana, who was looking confused and seemingly alarmed.
The other three were putting as much space as they could between their friend and who is unknowingly causing her pain.
“Please is she alright?” Diana asked stepping forward barely grazing her hand covering her mark. This time it felt as if the skin itself was burning and stung almost like it was being pricked over and over and over again.
“Don’t touch me and stay away from me.” On the outside she looks clam and relaxed, but her voice was soft and raw, her eyes burned in pain. “You and that completed mark can stay far from me.”
“Luka, Kagami mind taking her back to the house?” The two in question led her away and once a safe distance away she broke down in tears, sobbing from the pain she was biting down.
- - -
The two that stayed were simultaneously glaring at her and watching their friends leave the gala.
“Is she alright?” Bruce finally bole the tension.
“As soon as she is far enough away from her.” The girl, Chloe, snapped at her. “Now that we know who is the the person causing her pain, we can keep her from them.” She snapped towards her, but it was a slap to Diana.
“I don’t follow. We are…”
“Soulmates, yeah we figured.” Adrien this time spoke.
“They why would she want to leave, without speaking?”
“One one in a million people are in pain when they are close to their soulmates.” Adrien spoke calmly but stoically. “No one knows why.” He began to fidget with a ring on hi# finger, she couldn’t recall if she saw any jewelry on her soulmate, Marinette, but she has a suspicion. After all she feels similar to her Mother’s aura and presence, that of a Ladybug.
“You are wrong. There is an explanation, but only a few know why that is.” She feels certain that she knows what this is.
“Let me guess you know why.” Chloe remarked, sarcastically and unamused.
“Allow me to explain this another time and place, as this is neither.”
“Fine call this number at noon est tomorrow.” Adrien handed her a phone number and the two turned and left.
“Diana?” Bruce snapped her attention. “What was that about?” He was still calm and collected but she knew he would be the one to ask, figuring out what was the next step, what had the best options of success.
“Magic.”
- - -
The next day she called the number and she was invited to a video call by the recipient. It turned out to be Marinette.
“Hello Diana.” Her voice was not cold but it was emotionless, as if she was forced into this conversation. Granted she did think she would be speaking with Adrien and Chloe.
“I never wanted to harm you, I swear that on the river Styx.” she began but before she could continue Marinette cut in.
“Let’s be clear, I don’t care about your apologies. I just want to know why this is happening and how to either get rid of it or to never have contact with you in any way or proximity.”
“I am apologizing because this is known as the curse of the ladybug and black cat.” She saw the young woman tense at that. “The reason I know of this is from by Mother, Queen Hippolyta Of the Amazon’s.” She allowed that to sink in and the other woman allowed her to drop her defense, nodding to what is said.
“When you say the curse of the ladybug and black cat what do you mean by that?”
“True souls of the miraculous, when in their life they come into contract with their given gems, cause a reaction.” Diana explained. “For the ladybug they receive the pain of their soulmate through their marks. Which is what I assume is going on.”
“Yes you’re right, but this has been going ever since I could remember.”
“Call it what you will fate, destiny, but you were always going to wield the ladybug jewel, that is why the curse manifested itself.”
“What about the black cat?”
“I am unsure, the black cat of my Mother’s time died before meeting their soulmate, but I would assume it would be similar to our situation.”
“Then how do we solve this?”
~~~~~~~~~~
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#maribat#dc x miraculous#dc x mlb#mlb x dc#miraculous x dc#mlb x mcu#mdcu marinette#mdcu adrien#mdcu wonder woman#wonderbug#wonder woman x marinette#maribat angst and fuff#maribatangstandfuff
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"Mrs. Kostyk"
genya safin x david kostyk
fluff
warning(s):
[ author's note : ] I'm not done with Rule of Wolves yet, but I felt the need to write something between Genya and David because of what... some events brought. I'm still recovering but at least I got a moment with my favorite pirate-prince and dragon queen. Also! Before you read, it does have major spoilers from the King of Scars Duology, so I advise that you read those books first before you proceed. 🤍 ( not edited )
Genya Safin was a monster, and a beautiful monster she was.
Although it's been months now since the people of Ravka - her beloved Ravkans with their odd ways and nature, have accepted her scars, she still could see the judgement - the fear, and intimidation spread across the occasional face. Most were children and mothers, and some were men who had the tongues of vipers. Ready to pounce at every given moment to whisper a tale or two about the lady with one scarred eye.
Genya's learned to deal with such men, ignore the mumbles of mothers, and forgive the fear of younglings. Genya learned to ignore the fear, the pity, the horrible whispers told under palms. She learned to avert her focus sharply. She learned to stand her ground and pounce back with a bite of her own. After all, what was a fighter without its fight? But even so, even after what she's learned to ignore, what pained her so wasn't the insults directed to her scars or her features or even the given pity of her past, but the memories and the grief that came along with every reminder. Every flash of sadness and momentary smile of condolence given to Genya only reminded her of what she faced. She remembered the ache of her bones and the willingness to fall on her knees, to let herself buckle and dissolve on the soil with her very tears. Oh how many people Ravka's lost. How many children, mothers, fathers, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, soldiers, and friends died to the fold's demolition. But most importantly, what Genya Safin herself lost before it, during it, and after.
"Love, your tea's getting cold."
David Kostyk. The man of pure science and ingenuity rather than faith. A man of silence and little appetite for talk. Little appetite for anything if it meant being able to tinker with his projects and create solutions from problems that stand solution-less. The man of her dream. A man worth her fight and the kingdom's combined. A love for him worth every lifetime and beyond.
Genya smiled with her chin rested against her palm. David, shaking his head to himself as he dropped his pen on his table. He picked up the teacup with shaky ink stained hands and drank heavily.
"Thank you."
"Please drink more often, love. I cannot stand you dehydrated." Genya, smiling beautifully as always, stood and sat herself at the arm of David's sear. Her arm rested against his shoulders as the other held his wrist. Her thumb soothing his exposed skin.
On the off times that he didn't wear his kefka, he wore clothes Genya made sure David was comfortable in, knowing his habits to stay up late at night. This time, he wore a sweater of royal blue. The sleeves tucked to his elbows.
Genya leaned down and kissed David's brow. The soft crackle of fire eminent in the silence.
"Perhaps.. I should rest. I understand the Darkling is set amok, but.."
"But you need the rest. You need it more than any of us David." You've worked harder than any soldier I've known. Both in your guilted heart and beautiful mind.
David sighed strongly and nodded. Genya knew how hard it was for him to stop. Not just because of his powerful interest in the science or the fact that all of Ravka was at the brink of possible collapse, but the guilt she knew that rang true in his heart. He created monstrous contraptions when he wanted to make wonders. He forged fear in the past in a way he was oblivious to with the Darkling as his advisor, and now that he had the chance to forge hope, he was willing to take that chance in a single heartbeat.
But even those who stayed behind the lines working, forging the keys of triumph needed the rest of those who fought in blood and bone.
"Would a little nap be fine with you?" David, with his shy voice, asked.
Genya kissed his brow again. "We could sleep for a million years and I would never mind a second if it means to rest alongside you."
David winced. He knew she meant well but any mention of a long rest wasn't truly ideal at a time like this, no? When war raged among their boarders and innocent people died, a long rest was the last thing a man would want. But even so, if Genya was the one who said such beautiful words as those, it gave him at least that sense of home. No matter where she is, in whatever bed we lay in at the end, I'll be there to lie next to her.
David stood and wrapped his hands upon Genya's. "Lets go then, Mrs. Kostyk?"
Genya beamed. Oh how much she loved the flattery. This time, David didn't need a nudge to compliment her. Saints, it wasn't even a compliment. It was a name. A name reserved for her from him.
"Remind me to give you a thousand kisses once we reached out room."
"And how will you like that reminder, love?"
Genya beamed brighter somehow and loved this playful difference. It was subtle and his voice was still factual and well.. David-like, but it was perfect. Enough. He didn't have to even act this was for Genya to love every syllable that left his beautiful lips.
As Genya giggled after her response, David pulled her in for a kiss. And for a moment, not even Grisha powers or the small science or facts and evidence could explain the way both their hearts soared from their bodies. Binding together in a beautiful whole marvel.
Geyna lost many people the day the fold had fallen. She had even lost a part of herself she can never get back. But what came from it was something she knew she would fight the fold and its creator for over and over again just to have.
Genya Safin has her friends. She had her home and damn well she was gonna fight for it. But lost importantly right now, in the greed of her heart during war, was that she had David Kostyk.
#grishaverse#genya x david#genvid#genyadavid#shadow and bone#siege and storm#ruin and rising#king of scars#rule of wolves#the triumvirate#genya safin#david kostyk#my god i love these two so much#they have my heart#romantic shit#adorbale fucks#badass bitch#adorable dork
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We've Got Tonight - Ch 2
Summary: “It’s not your job to do this, Andy. You make people happy. I was in the diner all of ten minutes, and you knew exactly how to get me to smile. You do normal, real things like garden and sing karaoke. Saving the world is my job, Sam’s job. Sometimes it’s even Cas’s job, but it’s not yours.”
Inspired by Bob Seger’s “We’ve Got Tonight”
Warnings: Major Character Death, More Major Character Deaths (sort of?), higher than show level violence, blood, light smutting, language, demons, apocalypse, inferred suicide, cult activity.
18+ ONLY, MINORS DO NOT PROCEED
Author’s Note: This story is set hazily around season 8. Just squint a little, and it’ll settle in somewhere. I wrote this story after certain big revelations in the show, but before other big ones; you’ll most likely be able to tell which. I play with time a bit in the story itself, so if things seem out of order, they are. Hopefully, by the end, all the pieces will fit together.
What the hell, let’s give it a shot.
Image and major edits by the incomparable @there-must-be-a-lock . Heavy editing and cheering by @thoughtslikeaminefield . Thank you both so much.
This is the longest chapter, but it's worth it, I promise.
Word Count: Ch 2 - 2952
In case you missed it: Chapter 1 ItMightHaveBeenintentional’s Masterlist
...
We've Got Tonight
Chapter 2
Clutching the strap of her backpack in a death grip, Andy silently crosses the landing. She places her foot on the top stair just as Dean rounds the corner from the hallway below her, both hands fisted in his hair. Even from this distance she can read the lines of tension in his shoulders. Her stomach twists, nausea and joy warring at the sight of him, and she can’t decide if she should turn and sprint for the door or throw herself at him and admit absolutely every foolish thing she’s done.
No. No, not foolish. She’s saving the world. That’s only a little stupid. She’s saving Cas and Sam. That’s good. She’s saving Dean.
That’s non-negotiable.
Then her weight settles on her foot, and the goddamned step creaks. Dean’s eyes snap to hers. For one hopeful moment, relief and genuine happiness flood his expression, and he smiles. The unclouded light shining from his face scraps any thoughts she has of bolting, and Andy makes it halfway down the steps before she’s engulfed in his arms.
He embraces her fiercely, and Andy allows herself a couple of seconds of peace and comfort, of the sense that she’s somehow home even though she’s only known him for a few weeks. Then the overwhelming realization of everything she’s signed away comes crashing down, closing her throat, choking off her air, and suddenly even the heat and safety radiating from Dean into her very bones isn't enough to ward off the chill of dread.
But she’s doing this to save him, to save Sam, to save...everyone. So, really, she’s not losing anything. If you save something, it’s not lost, so, really, she’s not losing anything.
Right?
Then her face is trapped between his hands, his face inches away, his eyes boring into hers with that burning intensity. The lies evaporate on her tongue, and she wracks her brain. What was she supposed to tell him? She has to say it before he starts questioning her, or she’ll blurt out every single thing she swore she wouldn’t.
“Are you okay? Where the hell were you? Was it those anti-Jesus freaks? How did you get away?”
What? Oh, yeah. The cultists. The whole reason she has a lovely new scar on her left arm and she met the Winchesters in the first place. The source of all their current troubles. Well, the main source, aside from her blood. Yeah, that would have been a good cover story, too.
Shit.
“Andy?”
“I’m fine, Dean,” she manages, thankful at how little her voice shakes. She puts forth the effort of the ages and extricates herself from his grip, an act she recognizes as necessary while regretting it all the same. “I’m sorry I scared you. I had a lead, and I had to leave right away. They were really twitchy when I first contacted them, and I thought they might take off if I waited too long or tried to take anyone else, and by the time I realized I’d lost my phone it was too late to come back.”
Anger and disbelief seep into his expression, tainting the relief that animated him only moments before. “Okay, first of all, we’re going to have a long, detailed talk about taking off on your own for any reason without backup, much less chasing your own leads, because no. Just no. Second, what the hell? Did all phones between here and wherever the hell you went just vanish?”
“You programmed your numbers into my cell, but I never memorized them. I didn’t have any way to contact you once I got there, and-”
“And you couldn’t leave a damn note?!”
Deep breath. Keep steady.
“Look, I’m really wrecked, Dean, it was a long drive, and it ended up a bust. The guy never showed. I’m dying for a shower and some food. You can interrogate me all you want, but can we not do it right here, right now?”
She pushes past him, brushing him off in a way she’s never done before, but if he keeps gazing into her soul with those jade laser beams of his, she’s going to lose every ounce of self-control. Her fingers tremble with strain, and she clutches her bag tighter, determined to hold herself together for his sake.
She only gets a couple of seconds of reprieve, though, just barely making it off the staircase. He catches up with her as she passes the map table, aiming for escape through the library, and he snatches her elbow. His grip is harsh as he pulls her around to face him, and her fingers fumble at the fierce heat behind his eyes. Her backpack drops, spilling its contents on the floor.
Her stomach bottoms out. She immediately tries to crouch down, to stuff her papers and books back in before Dean can see them, but his grip tightens on her arm, and he forces her back up to meet his eyes.
“You don’t get to disappear for two and a half days and then just-”
“Andy!”
Oh, thank god for Sam.
Andy takes advantage of Dean’s surprise to pull out of his grasp, but before she can bend down, she’s engulfed in a second, longer set of arms that feels almost as much like home as his brother’s.
God, what has she done? She really is going to lose everything. But this has to be worth it. Saving them is worth it, she knows it is. It’s going to be okay.
“Andy, are you okay? Where were you?” Sam is still in his concerned phase, and she’d like to make her exit to gather her thoughts before he hits Dean’s level of suspiciously pissed. She knows of no force in Heaven or Hell that can withstand the combined onslaught of Dean’s anger and Sam’s lectures.
“She says she found a lead,” Dean cuts in before she can try to explain herself. He’s definitely on the outer edges of pissed, and that’s fine. She can handle pissed, she just has to figure out what to do before he reaches volcanic levels of anger.
She drops down before anyone else can stop her and starts shoveling handfuls of papers in her bag. She needs to get them out of sight. She should have burned them, why didn’t she burn them, god if Sam sees some of it, he’ll know what she did without her having said a word to him, and -
“Andy, what the hell is this?”
Dean’s voice has dropped to a low, measured growl, and her eyes slide shut in dismay.
Don’t admit to anything, you don’t know what he found, just -
“You said you lost your phone, and now it falls out of your damned bag? You’re lying to me? Why-”
“Maybe because of this,” Sam cuts in, and she hears a rustle of papers from her other side, and she swears that it’s the loudest sound she’s heard in her entire life. It doesn’t matter which of her papers or which book Sam is showing his brother. They are all equally damning, and she really should have known better than to think she could get away with this plan.
“I had to do something. We were running out of time, so I made a decision while I still could.”
She’s impressed and surprised at the steadiness in her voice, the actual conviction. She is equally surprised to find herself standing when she opens her eyes, looking down at two of the most important people in the world, one of whom is regarding her with dismayed shock, and the other…
Her stomach wars with her brain; rational thought says the logical response to someone glaring at her with as much venom as Dean is packing is to run. Her stomach, on the other hand, is fully in favor of ejecting all contents in sheer terror. Somehow, she manages to shove down both impulses and stand her ground.
There’s a long moment where it seems like the whole bunker, the whole world, holds its breath, waiting for something to snap the tension. To Andy’s astonishment, Sam breaks in before Dean’s temper can explode.
“Tell me you didn’t. After everything we’ve told you, everything you know about us and our history, you called a crossroads demon? Where did you even find the summoning spell?”
She turns incredulous eyes on the younger Winchester. “Sam. I...really, Sam? When I asked to help, you put me on research. I didn't know where to look, and you gave me a stack of books, most of which had some variation of that or a similar spell in it. You gave me access to one of the world’s biggest fix-its, and you didn’t think I would do something with that?”
Sam opens his mouth, his face set with stubborn indignity, but he falls silent as Dean stands abruptly. He stalks past Andy, his silence far more worrisome than any shouting or lecturing could ever be. He stops at the bottom of the library steps, gripping the back of his neck like he’d rather have his fingers wrapped around something’s throat, and he stands like that for what feels like forever.
“I made a deal. To save you, Sam, Cas. Everyone. I had to do it.” Andy can’t stop the words that tumble from her trembling lips, and she can only be thankful that she doesn’t have to see Dean’s face as she says them. She should never have tried to lie to him, to them both, but especially not to him. Not after all the lies he’s had to live through.
“I won’t apologize. I found a way out of the end of the world when we had no other options, and I took it.”
Dean stands stiffly, unmoving as she confesses to his back. Sam wisely keeps his mouth shut, kneeling on the floor to look through Andy’s papers, avoiding looking at either of them. The gravid silence that hangs over the room is broken only by the thudding of her heart and the crinkle of pages as Sam rifles through her backpack’s spilled contents.
“Explain. Now.” Dean’s words are quiet and caustic, their bitterness cutting Andy straight to the heart.
This isn’t what she wanted, but their time is too short to try to work everything out. There will be nothing like a fairy tale ending for them, so she forces herself to say what she can. There are still some details she doesn’t want to tell him; if he knew everything, he could keep her here, keep her from going back to finish the deal, and she absolutely cannot let that happen.
“I did what you and Sam do every day. I did my research, I made a plan, and I faced the monsters. I made a choice, Dean.” She only just keeps the notes of desperation from creeping into her voice, though it’s a near thing.
He moves as she speaks, turning back to the table, his face inscrutable as he leans down to grip the back of one of the chairs. He holds onto it as if it’s the only thing keeping him together, and she feels a ridiculous stab of sympathy for the piece of furniture that’s bound to come to a bad end.
“And you think sneaking around, lying to all of us, and making a deal with a crossroads demon is going to magically fix everything?”
He’s too calm, too quiet. The chair creaks ominously under his fingers, and Andy takes a hasty step back. Sam rises, his forehead wrinkled with concern as he takes a step towards the table.
“Andy, just tell us the details,” Sam interjects, his tone low and placating, like he’s trying to calm a cornered animal. “We can figure out a way to get you out of the deal. What did the demon you met with look like? Did they tell you their name? How much time do you have?”
“God DAMN IT!”
Dean slings the chair to the side, and it skates over the floor, shredding through her papers before slamming into a support pillar with a deafening metallic clang and careening across the room. Sam steps up protectively next to her, his hands half-raised like he can’t decide if he should try to talk his brother down or block more pieces of flying furniture.
“Why, Andy? Why didn’t you just wait for Sam or Cas to find something? We were looking!”
“There was no time left, Dean!” She knows there aren’t enough words in any language to explain her decision in a way that will satisfy him. It doesn’t matter to him that she’s one of the sources of all their troubles right now, or that she is an adult who was perfectly capable of making decisions about her life long before the Wonderful Winchesters and their guardian angel rode into town.
“We had days left, at best! I don’t want this anymore than you did, but it was my blood that started this whole disaster, my blood the cult needs to finish everything, literally everything! It’s my blood that’s the solution to this whole shitshow, and that means it’s my mess to clean up. I learned that much from you and Sam, at least! You clean up the messes you make, whether you meant to make them or not. You, of all people, could at least try to understand!”
“Understand what?! That you think selling your soul will actually fix anything?”
Dean closes the distance between them, his fingers digging hard into her shoulders, knocking Sam to the side as he disregards all concepts of personal space.
“Selling your soul never solves a damned thing! And don’t you think for one second I’m gonna let you go through with this deal.”
“I’ve already gone through with it, I signed the contract. You can’t stop it, and you can’t change it. He said you’d try, and-”
“Wait a minute, ‘he’?” Sam cuts in, and Dean’s face flushes a deeper shade of crimson.
“You didn’t. Tell me you didn’t make a deal with that son of a bitch Crowley.”
Fuck.
“I made a call,” Andy finally answers. “I was either going to hell and taking the rest of the world with me, or I was going by myself and keeping the rest of you safe.”
“You had no right-”
“To make decisions about my life? The hell I don’t, it’s my life, Dean! Who gave you the right-”
“We were supposed to be in it together, you and me! It’s not just your life, and you damned well know it!”
The three of them stand frozen, the words echoing faintly through the enormous room. Sam gaping at the two of them, Dean grips Andy like he thinks she’s about to bolt, and Andy tries desperately to remember why she’s not simply throwing herself into Dean’s arms.
Castiel, with his impeccable timing, chooses this moment to enter the bunker. The creaking door catches their attention, and all eyes turn to Cas, who stands on the landing, surveying the tableau of chaos beneath him. His eyebrows lower, his consternation clear.
“Andrea?” Cas’s voice is confused but gentle as he cautiously descends the stairs. She knows from the stories Sam and Dean have told her that her friend has a fearsome warrior side that makes even the worst demons think twice before approaching, but she’s never seen a hint of that part of him.
She’s seen this man soberly examining a bowl of Cheetos, questioning their attractiveness to large, feline predators; she has a difficult time picturing him facing down the worst monsters the universe has to offer, and yet, according to Sam and Dean, he does so without hesitation on a regular basis.
Which is why his cautious approach should really worry her.
“Dean, is it really necessary to hold on to Andrea quite that hard? You’re bound to leave bruises, and she doesn’t seem to be attempting to leave.”
Dean releases Andy abruptly. His face is dark and lined with the effort of repressing his rage, and he storms past the bewildered angel. He stops at the bottom of the stairs, hand on the banister, legs flexing and trembling as if he has to force himself to stop even that long. Sam takes a step towards him, but Cas holds out a restraining hand, and for once, Sam complies, though he looks seconds away from protesting.
“You should’ve waited, Andy. You should’ve talked to me, given me a chance to find something, anything but this. I can’t...I’m done. I’m fucking done.”
He climbs the stairs three furious steps at a time and is out the door before anyone can think of how to stop him, leaving Andy lost in the remnants of his anger and her shoulders aching more from the loss of his grip than the roughness of it. Her throat is burning, her jaw aching with strain, but her eyes are dry.
There was no other way, there just wasn’t. I did the right thing, and damn Dean to Hell if he thinks I’m going to cry for that.
“Andrea?”
Cas reaches out and steadies Andy, his grasp gentle and comforting in stark contrast to Dean’s furious hold. He considers her for a long moment before finally speaking.
“Our lack of information regarding your whereabouts was quite troubling, and we assumed the worst.”
“Maybe not the absolute worst,” Sam sighs, leaning wearily against the table. He scrubs his hands over several days’ worth of stubble before rubbing his eyes. When he speaks again, he can’t even meet her eyes, and an acidic splinter of shame twists in her stomach.
“You really should have waited, Andy.” ...
Chapter 3
#spn#spn fanfiction#spn fanfic#spn fic#supernatural#supernatural fanfiction#supernatural fanfic#supernatural fic#Andy (original character)#original character#original female character#major character death#more major character death (sorta)#higher than show level violence#blood#light smutting#language#demons#apocalypse#inferred suicide#cult activity
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Our paths unwind - Nozel Silva
"(Your Name) why do you talk to the peasants and commoners like they are our kind?" Nozel asks her one brief night as they walked around the kingdom for some fresh air.
"Nozel one day you will learn that even the lesser people are much more kind and genuine." She says smiling to herself as he sneers in disgust.
"You've been attracted to one."
She blushes and pouts with cherry lips. "I wouldn't say that."
Nozel grips his fist and then slowly lets go before side glancing at her. The pale moonlight shown on her skin, the rosy lips and flowing hair. Nozel couldn't get enough of her features. She was the women for him.
"What if I told you I was seeing someone." (Your Name) curiously tells Nozel with pierced lips and a look of concern.
"Are you?"
"He's someone I can depend on, a ear to listen to. The warmth when it's cold. My back support when I feel broken."
The words that ran through her mouth stabbed Nozel in the face. Why couldn't he be that person? Why has she never notice how much he cared.
"You don't mean you fell in love with a commoner? A lowlife. Someone powerless." He grits his teeth in anger as she knits her brows.
Slapping his face she felt hurt. Nozel was her best friend ever since childhood and even though they had very different views in life she thought out of all people he would try to understand her.
"You don't have to say it like that! If you didn't approve of it you should have said said so. I already knew how you would feel about this. I chose you out of all people to tell! Maybe I should gone to Fuegoleon he seem more understanding than you will ever be!" (Your Name) argued to him as she had tears fall from her cheeks.
"Nozel I don't know how we did it all these years but we have different paths in life and mine isn't with yours." She continued and walked away from him.
(Your Name) looked at the beautiful built house made for two as it sat hidden in the woods where the grass was green, the trees were like fall and when winter came it looked like a ice dream.
A single tear drop fell from her face as she hugged a vase filled with ashes. Her dearly beloved husband painlessly passed in his sleep from a terminal illness even she couldn't fix. With all the money and power she had there was no cure and his final days were spent side my side.
Taking in the view she would miss it, this was home. The capital was not home even if that's where she was born and raised it held memories she wanted to forget.
(Your Name) took one last look and said her farewells.
Waking up Nozel looked up at the ceiling, it had been many years since that night she told him their paths in life weren't meant to be intertwined.
He hasn't forgave her for running away and stripping herself as a royal. There was nothing left of her. She threw everything behind and left Clover Kingdom.
"(Your Name)." Nozel whispers hiding his face in the palms of his hands. "You are a cruel women."
Loud footsteps came from his hallway as Nebra and Solid barged in with joy in their face.
"(Your Name) is back!" They said in unison as Nozel threw his covers off and rushed to her Family's mansion.
The walk felt long, he hasn't been there for a long time...not since she left. It felt less happy and dull, she was to be the family next heir in line.
Entering he recognized the hair color from miles away and that smile that broke his ice.
"I'm so glad to see you." Fuegoleon says giving her a hug as she kindly accepted and breathed him in. She missed him too. He was the only real friend who didn't judge her way of looking at things in the world. "Have you told Nozel?"
"Ah no...actually don't really want to."
There was a silence as Fuegoleon could see she was still pained on how the two left off.
"I'm sorry about your husband. I didn't hear about a wedding or how you've been these past years."
"I'm sorry I just couldn't risk anyone finding where I was. Truthfully if he never had died I don't think I would have ever came back. I was so happy there. We were happy and I can't explain the feeling it just doesn't feel like home here." (Your Name) truthfully tells Fuegoleon as she looks down in sadness and leaned into his chest for support.
"I'm sorry (Your Name)." His whispers and rubs her back before looking up to find the cold eyes watching them from the door. Clearing his throat he let her go as she followed his eye direction.
"Nozel." She says his name as it slips her lips so effortlessly.
"Why didn't you tell me you were coming back?! What gives you the right to walk back here and think everything's okay?!" Nozel starts walking towards her angrily as she stood her ground and swallowed her saliva.
"I never said everything was okay. Stop assuming." She tells him as he steps back a bit from her attitude towards him.
"You aren't welcomed here please leave."
Nozel grabs her arm roughly as she pulled back. "I didn't come back to fight with you like when we were teenagers." She continued as he stayed silent.
"Nozel I think you should leave for a bit to calm down." Fuegoleon interrupted trying to keep the peace between the two.
"I don't want to hear a word from you." Nozel bitterly spat at him and collected himself up before giving (Your Name) one last glance.
The past weeks were overwhelming, everyone welcomed her back and asked so many question on why she left and randomly came back. She was shunned by some people.
They believe she betrayed their kind by marrying a commoner and coming home as a widow was shameful but (Your Name) thought different.
She has no idea what the futures held so she lived everyday as its best. Now that she is home she wasn't going to let anyone's words bother her.
Taking a deep breathe she entered Nozel private chambers, it was a late afternoon and his paperwork were neatly stacked at the corner of his desk along with some books open.
Turning the corner the grown man was asleep on the couch with his arm crossed, sweating, tossing and turning his head from time to time.
"Nozel." She whispered in his ear holding his hand gently.
"Nozel!" She said louder as he awoke gripping her hand tightly with a look of confusion. "You were having a nightmare."
Removing her hand she sat next to him quietly as he tried to calm his breathing.
"Why are you here?" He asks walking to his desk regaining his composure.
"I came to settle our differences, it's just childish to be arguing about the same thing after all these years."
Nozel sighs thinks back when they were young and naive but still he was hurt and felt like he was backstabbed by the only person he wanted. Almost 30 years old and he even knew it was time to let go.
"I know you will never love me." He says stone cold looking her in the eye as she gasps.
"How could you say that? After all these years."
Betrayed he tried to compose everything he wanted to say but he couldn't no more, all the nights he yearned for her, the nights he wondered if she was alive and well. It was to much.
"After all these years?! You don't think how unfair it was for you to be happy with the love of your life when I loved you and needed you. All the nights you were warm in bed but I was cold and wandered with thought where you went or if you were safe! Or the bright days I spent yearning for the smile that was never meant for me. You can't tell me how can I say that."
He fumed walking towards her as she closed her eyes afraid of what he was going to do.
"We have different paths in life and mine isn't with yours." Nozel painfully says leaning his head on her shoulder. "You remember that night? I remember it clear as day. The day I lost you."
(Your Name) didn't know how much she affected him, never in his life did he show weakness. Even with her she thought he was okay with her leaving.
"I'm sorry." She whispers holding him in her arms now. "When you had no one, when your mom left I was all you had and then I left you." She painfully caresses his hair as he started to breathe unevenly.
Even if Nozel was shedding tears he wouldn't show her.
"Nozel. We will never meet eye to eye." She says as he continues shakes underneath her comforting hug he yearned for since he was young.
"You were always cruel to me. Even to this day." Nozel says with poison in his voice. “I hate to say you were right. Our paths will never intertwine. For as long as I live I will always be the wind chasing after nothing."
Letting go of (Your Name) he walks with his head down and with one last glance at her with painful red eyes he says "maybe in another life time. I will always be your love (Your Name)."
"I'm sorry Nozel." She whispers.
(Author note: I've been meaning to make this one longer but I was brain dead. I don't think it turned out to bad! So sorry for wrong spelling, my one shots have not been edit.)
#black clover#black clover oneshots#black clover x reader#black clover imagine#black clover oneshot#nozel x reader#nozel silva#black clover nozel#fuegoleon vermillion#black clover fuegoleon#yuki tabata
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Damn can't believe you cut off early to avoid boring me after I ASKED you about the setting. I want the juicy details! -Foos crimes anon
sgshahshhs Ok!! then welcome to part two Whiplash edition, for those just joinimg us go read the other dnd lore post first!
same anti zen restrictions apply even tho this is all stuff she already knows,
So, lets start strong The unkillable king? did you notice how all of his big scary features (burning castles, necromancy, and mind control) were all things his generals specialized in?
thats bc hes done pretty much Nothing. bc hes effectively five years old, trapped in his forest, and the literal fallen god of decay.
The admiral, who is called Mel, woke up this old god bc she just Really hated her boss. Like she could have just taken a nap, had a good meal and then rain down so much fire on the bastard that his ashes are ashes. but she didn't because he was planning on waking The Old God in order to unleash him on the people of coltonia. and mel said "Hm! fuck that." and woke him up herself and set him up as a puppet. Mel is the brains!! She has a bob cut bc she accidentally set her hair on fire, but i Promise you shes the brains. but she didn't wake him alone, she had help from this dragon called villar.
Decay is usually called Everard bc while in disguise at a tavern that's just Barely within his circle he met a really cute bard and Panicked when the bard asked him his name. and obviously he didn't have one! he was either just Decay or the Boar King, so he Panicked and said the name of the author of the book he'd been reading. and then he fell a little in love with the bard, and then the bard stole his wallet.
And the Bard! Is! The! Interigator! he went to that tavern to play for a crowd he didn't mind charming. He can't play without charming everyone who hears bc hes both an incubus and the prince of the winter court! heir apparent! but he doesnt want to be and only found out less than two years ago at this point, on his 18th bday bc his adoptive mom sold her first child to the fucking queen of the winter court for the gift of music! she didn't think shed ever have to pay up but when she found out it was her or whatever baby she could find to call hers she started praying and begging and making deals with with whatever would listen. and one of the people who would listen was the demon lord Grazzt. who gave her one of his Many children just to see what would happen.
Anyways when he goes to the tavern there's this kinda boring looking guy? who Isnt charmed by him??? and when he trys to figure this guy out hes being all nice and sweet and he Knows this guy is into him? and Hes Not Charmed??? and then Babs trys his hellish charms, and this guy Still isnt charmed??? its like they just Bounced right off?????? and he panics bc this is the first person he can say for certain is immune to him and isnt just being nice and flirty bc they physically have to. and he falls a little in love?? he panics bc he Doesnt Know What To Do.
so he just steals the guys wallet and runs.
The inquisitor cant get through five words without having a nervous break down, and is just a little nerd whos Desperately in love with Bab's sister, and Tamm Absolutely returns his affections but they're both too nervy to actually move on it bc theyre friends! the four of them (Tamm, he identical sister Bamm, their adoptive brother Babs, and Ezekiel) are the single most notorious group of hired hands in all of coltonia??? so he cant Just Ask her bc that would ruin it Obviously.
and Those four work for a gang called the Jackalope. which is also the name of the pub/brothel the gang operates out of.
and the Jackalope is ran by Big Mama, a reclusive and mysterious woman whos perpetually being guarded by a man named Mole Hill. one of these people is a goliath, the other is a gnome. you can probably guess which is which.
and technically both babs and ezekiel are only on loan to the boar king but that changes after babs and everard get married for the second time.
and Vilar!! he was a Frequent john at the Jackalope while he was helping mel wake Everard bc he was trying to figure out what the fuck was going on. So he had his regular girl right? for an easy unwinding fuck, and she told him what nights shed be there bc hes respectful and tips well and its worth keeping him around. but one night he fucks up and asks for her when he Knows she won't be ther bc hes just Tired after chasing an arsonist around a forest all day. and before he can correct himself the girl at the desk is like Sure! she'll be right with you!.
and hes just "????" and then the girl shows up?? and they go back to the room and he Knows there's something up??? and tldr he spends a solid month trying to figured out whats going on with the shapeshifter who fills in for some of the sex workers.
anyways, hes also a bronze dragon whos in charge of making sure nobody enters coltonia from the west and has a grey render be calls his dog named anatomy. and his personality can be summed up as "bastard cat man who needs to fuck less" bc God Dammit does he have a lot of bastards.
and his arch nemesis is the gold dragon no name who blames him for the death of their son (which to be fair he blames himself for that too). she Is Hell Bent on murderizing his ass but they are too evenly matched so they're just stuck in perpetual war.
and there's other stuf but im Out Of Words.
#not a fix#anon#also there's canonical m preg in this story bc babs has everards kiddos and those two#those twins are the absolute most chaotic bastards ever birthed#children born of winter and decay#they want one thing and one thing only#to FUcking Party#and eat people.#bc like its a joke that babs is a cannibal for eating life force or what ever#but these two are just straight up people eaters#and they text like carrie fisher#may her memory be a blessing
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loved the fansplaining episode! i would love to hear your thoughts on a little life by hanya yanagihara, i read it recently and had very mixed feelings. honestly, when you guys started to go on that tangent, i was hoping you'd keep going! what didn't you like about it?
i think it would be easier to start with the few things i did like.
structure: it’s difficult to give a bildungsroman (my favorite novel genre) any kind of urgency because it seems counterintuitive. clever writers can usually thread a long con, though, to keep some semblance of a cohesive plot. in the goldfinch (donna tartt), it’s the painting. in white oleander (janet fitch), it’s ingrid in prison. in body & soul (frank conroy), it’s claude’s music career. in ALL’s case, the overarching thread of plot is somewhat inverted – it’s being strung along for 2/3rds of the book by the mystery of jude’s past. so while you’re pumping the brakes on the present, knowing we’re barreling into a pit of despair, you’re also compelled to keep going to find out what made him the way that he is.
the realistic portrayal of PTSD: jude felt like a constant callout post to me, and i really appreciated seeing my more toxic behaviors rendered in such a clear light. like even in jude’s POV, there was no point where i believed his internal monologue was healthy or good, even though it very closely matched my internal monologue. on a character level, the thread of trauma was definitely well-woven.
the commitment to complicating and appreciating platonic love: it’s just rare to see a book that’s willing to tackle friendships-as-primary-relationships in such a serious and sensitive light. i liked the slowburn between willem and jude a lot.
law stuff: i learned a lot about law. and adult adoption. it seemed pretty well-researched on that front.
and that’s it! that’s all i liked about it. here’s what i hated:
first, the whole thing read like a really long cocaine trip. like yanagihara just got high as hell, locked herself in a cabin for two months, and pounded out this story. and an editor picked it up and was like “lol we good” and shot it out to print. on a very basic level, it’s one of the sloppiest things i’ve ever read, like a toddler running around covering an entire house in paint, and their parent goes “aw how nice.” somebody should have reeled it in. somebody should have said, “this is unnecessarily long, poorly paced, and in dire need of editing,” and then edited it.
it was difficult for me to turn off my editor brain while reading, and eventually the language started feeling like someone was trying to claw my skin off. did you notice that every single line of dialogue – EVERY. SINGLE. LINE. – had a person’s name in it? no one says the person’s name while talking to them! unless they’re mad, maybe!! it’s like, you don’t walk up to somebody and go, “how are you today, helen?” and helen doesn’t go, “well i’m fine, jason.” that just doesn’t happen!! and maybe i could have tolerated that in a shorter book, but in ALL it just made me want to gouge my eyeballs out and never read again.
on that front, the descriptions got so goddamn repetitive. the themes, repetitive. the plot, repetitive. somebody needed to give that story a mercy killing, just gut it. it might have been a good short story. maybe even a novella or a short novel. but it did not need to be 8000 fucking pages. jesus christ. (and i love long books!! but this was a BAD long book)
eventually jude’s self-destruction becomes so repetitive it’s unbelievable. i know a lot of people like jude, who have similar pasts, who do the same things that jude does to himself. and you know what happens to them at some point in their lives? they go to therapy. they get thrown in a psych unit. they get a psychiatrist. they have dozens of counselors. it’s even happened to me, and i’m the diet coke of PTSD. it would have been far more realistic to acknowledge that even with all the medical help in the world, sometimes trauma still destroys you. that would have been the more compelling story to me, one of recovery attempts and earnest efforts toward wellness. but what we got was jude repeatedly dodging therapy and hospitalization, and all the people in his life going ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
and here’s my biggest beef: it is not written with an ounce of integrity. the entire time, i felt like someone was trying very insistently to pull emotions from me. pity, specifically. i despise stories about pity. pitiful characters in pitiful narratives make me want to puke, and what i hate more is how easily sold readers (and editors! and publishers!) are by it. evoking sadness =/= good writing, no matter how hard you’re crying. you can write about somebody killing a dog and make a reader cry. there was no art to it at all. just manipulation. jude may have been sensitively rendered, but there was a certain sadistic impulse in the writing that felt disingenuous to me, and at no point did i have trust in the story. it’s just melodrama wrapped up as literature. eventually you have to stop kicking people in the nads and write a story that’s true to the characters and world you’ve established. i hate authors who power-trip on making readers miserable.
on that front, the ending was just so OTT. like what the fuck. i believe in tragedies as cathartic but this was just too fucking much. honestly i read to the jude/willem part (where the book! should! have! ended!!), read the wikipedia, and then skipped to the last few pages because i was just emotionally spent by that point. i was just being bludgeoned by “FEEL SOMETHING FEEL SOMETHING FEEL SOMETHING” and i couldn’t bring myself to care about anything that was happening anymore. i’ve written a bit on how good tragedies work, and the quick version is: you should know what you’re reading is a tragedy. here’s no point in hamlet you think he’s getting out of it alive, yk? but ALL (to me) gives just enough hope that you think maybe jude will get better. that’s definitely arguable, though; maybe other people read it and knew the ending all along, and i’m just a glutton for hope.
tl;dr a little life is sloppily written, too long, poorly paced, manipulative, and has a terrible ending.
obvs, if you liked the book, i’m happy for you. i can definitely see how someone might enjoy it, so don’t let my opinion change your perspective. you’re allowed to like whatever you like. but ALL was not my thing.
#negativity tw#a little life#dear people in the tag pls don't come after me pls keep enjoying the book you like#httprosetico
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