#that being said I did reread those ficlets recently and I have to say they’re not bad

[eredins-a-king-aint-he]

@rivianrudolf this made me cackle— and if perhaps you’re morbidly curious, I’ve got several half-decent fics of the pairing on my ao3

[thehoneyedhufflepuff]

2019 Top Five

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2019. Tag as many writers/artists/etc as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

thank you for tagging me @ninemagicks @sourcherrymagiks @f-ing-ruthless-baz @sharkmartini 💜

2019 was the year I found Carry On & this lovely fandom. It was the year I started writing & drawing again after many years of being creatively stagnant (& I wrote a LOT; over 310k published on AO3 & who knows how much is currently sitting unpublished in my Google Drive). It’s been a bit of a bumpy ride—lots of self-doubt & uncomfortable feelings about my own work—but this book ultimately gave me my creativity back, & some wonderful friends, & self-growth, day by day. I’ve been in a bit of a funk since the end of the countdown, & especially these last few weeks, so I think this will be a good opportunity for me to reflect on the things I’m proud of & try to say some nice things about my own work. Let’s get the party started.

1. Between the Lines

Y’all probably aren’t surprised, right? I feel like BTL has really helped me grow as a writer while telling a story that’s very personal & important to me. When I first started this fic, it was meant to be just a little bookshop AU. I’m very proud of what it’s become, & the reception it’s had has blown me away. I appreciate everyone who’s read it/reading it/yet to read it so very, very much. I never would’ve guessed that I’d still be working on this fic, let alone how long it would be. I think it’s probably my best work stylistically & in terms of the story, even if sometimes I cringe when I reread the beginning. (I either cringe or really like my work when I reread it, there’s no in-between.) (I mostly really like this one when I need to go back & study it.)

IDK, I’ve talked about BTL a LOT the last eight months. I’m not sure what else I can say about it right this moment, but I’m sure I’ll think of something eventually, & hopefully y’all aren’t sick of hearing about it because I don’t think I can help it.

🦖💛💙🦖

2. A Pair of Splendid Morons

This fic is still near & dear to my heart. I like to say it was the first fic I finished in the fandom, but it was actually my second (I don’t...like to talk about Merry Gentlemen. At all. I think I’ve been scarred since I got a scathing anon review in the comments [which is why I no longer allow anon comments on AO3, RIP].) (I made some...choices with that fic. ANYWAY.)

So Splendid Morons was the second fic I finished in the fandom (it’ll be a year old on Valentine’s Day; can you believe?!). It’s my second-longest (after BTL, of course, lmao) & I wrote it in just six weeks, which is lightning-fast by my standards. (This set me up to think I was a fast writer. I was sorely disappointed when I discovered that’s not the case.) It’s also my most-read fic, though BTL is super close to taking the crown.

My writing’s improved a lot since I first posted APOSM, I think, but I also think it holds up pretty well! (I do worry sometimes that I wrote Simon too soft, & there are a few mistakes I made by not properly researching [ahem, looking at you, Suitgate].) (One thing I found slightly amusing was the influx of readers this one got after Wayward Son, lmao. This fic is not in the vein of WS at ALL.) (Okay, that might be sort of false? I do mention trauma etc. in the fic, but I guess the main difference is that Simon & Baz really try to face these things together instead of apart. And also they communicate, albeit somewhat awkwardly. It’s a dream come true.)

For anyone who hasn’t read it, it’s a Carry On-era canon first time fic, & it spawned my post-Carry On series that is now an AU. I still have stories to tell on that timeline, but it’s sort of hard to forget Wayward Son completely, you know? When I first started writing this, it was technically still possible. Now it’s only possible as an AU, which is fine. (I’m not really sure where I’m going with this...I just have weird feelings, lol.) OH, also this was the first time I ever wrote a sex scene. I think it’s actually pretty good for a first time (mine & theirs, lmao).

3. Housewarming

Sort of cannot believe I’m picking the smuttiest thing I’ve ever written as one of my top fics of the year, but also??? I’m proud of this fic. It’s super hard to write smut—no euphemism—& I reread this one recently & thought I did a pretty good job. (I was actually slightly ashamed after I posted it, but I got over that once I got some nice comments. Nice comments are always very helpful.) I’ll share one here, which I think is fine since AO3 comments are public anyway:

Your writing just has so much LOVE in it and you write their companionship and connection so beautifully. You know, I wasn't going to read First Bite because that's not my kind of thing and usually grosses me out, but I've loved your other stuff so I gave it a shot. Turns out, it's just that stories like that tend to focus on the kink and grit, but you focus on everything that's good between them instead. And then you show how those good things lead to the perhaps more-than-vanilla coupling.

This fic, too, is grimy and steamy, but it's also sweet because you include the right details... This is not a smut fic of the rough kinky variety. It's a smut fic about two people reveling in a sacred space/act they've created together. Props to you because the difference is palpable. (I have never in my life written so much about sex on a fic review so sorry about this ramble lmao)

Y’all...this comment meant so much to me. This is what it’s really about, you know? I’m trying to show them expressing love, & this just made me so happy. Numbers-wise, stories with a focus on sex seem to get fewer kudos/comments, & I think part of that is the anonymity factor (which I totally understand), but I just want to say that something like this means A TON to those of us who write stuff like this. Many thanks to @sappho-said-i-could ; this comment single-handedly made me much less self-conscious about this particular work. 💜

4. Crashing Through

This is one of my favorite ficlets from the countdown, & also my most popular countdown fic on Tumblr in terms of notes (not that that’s a deciding factor, but it DOES make me happy). It’s a little alternate ending to WS (just a what if? for the beach scene at the end of the book.)

Like many, Wayward Son hit me really hard. I love Wayward Son a lot, but I spent days feeling so emotionally drained, & then weeks just unable to write. This was one of the first things I wrote that even had anything to do with Wayward Son, & fun fact! I wrote it all by hand in the car on a day trip. While it’s obviously not a canon-possible scene at this point, I still really like it. (I reblogged it yesterday as part of my Fandom Anniversary Reblog Thingy that I’m doing, & I read it & thought, Huh. Sometimes I’m decent at this whole writing thing.)

I actually felt stuck when I went to write Be With Me after this, because I didn’t think I could top the way they said I love you in this one (I still...sort of prefer this to the scene in Be With Me but oh well, what’re you gonna do).

5. “Love”

Can y’all tell I don’t normally name my art pieces? I don’t normally name them. I’m super proud of this one; it was the last piece of art I made in 2019, & I think it’s one of my best. It’s one of my least “popular” pieces in terms of notes, but I still really like it a lot & I did a side-by-side comparison of this next to my first fanart last year & it was super encouraging to see my progress. Sharing art has been scarier for me than sharing writing, but seeing how far I’ve come since June was very helpful.

ANYWAY! BTL is super close to my heart, as y’all know, & I had a moment where I just really wanted to draw them in this moment where they’re finally getting some time to just be together & enjoy the newness of their relationship. This was done in copic marker for the most part, though I also used colored pencil for their blushes (my brand 😏) & Baz’s sweater. (At one point I thought I’d completely ruined the whole piece because of how Baz’s sweater was looking, but then @knitbelove gave me some sweater advice & I went back to work & held my breath & everything turned out okay in the end.) This is also the last traditional piece of art I’ve done, & I should probably change that soon. (Please give the original post some love if you’re so compelled. 💜💜💜)

I think I’m a few days late in terms of doing this, so I’m not sure who all has gone yet! I’ll tag @warriorbeeofthesea @krisrix @pipsqueakparker @icarus-n-flames @vkelleyart @singerofsimplesongs @fight-surrender @knitbelove @annabellelux @pitchpatronus @subpar-selkie @neck-mole @cynopoe @gibbarts & anyone else who sees this & wants to do it! Seriously, that means you! 😉