#that ONLY works on tall people though whereas the content of the post applies to literally everyone

[gynandromorph]

Honestly you could be the stupidest rudest nastiest person alive and a large swath of people would let it slide before you even asked them to as long as you're above like. 5'10".

[ckret2]

The Earl and the Count

Fandom: Black Butler & Dracula crossover Wordcount: 3000 Summary: After a ship runs aground with everyone aboard missing—everyone, that is, but a mysterious corpse in a coffin—Queen Victoria passes the mystery to Ciel, who takes it to Undertaker. Who immediately calls Grim Reaper Dispatch to report a rogue vampire. Notes: I literally wrote this fic because I want to apply to a zine that requires a Black Butler fic in the application and I went "crap, all I've got is a couple of drabble-length character studies I never posted."

###

"It's so rare that you bring guests without asking for my help." Undertaker ran his long fingers lovingly over the polished coffin.

"There's nothing you can offer on this case," Ciel said. "Unless you happen to be familiar with the Russian ship Demeter."

"Ah?" Undertaker tipped his head back. "No, I don't know anything about it."

"Then my services won't be needed today." Sebastian was delicately brushing coffin dirt off his jacket sleeves.

Undertaker made a strangled noise. "Perhaps I was too hasty! Describe the case to me—maybe I'll know something?"

"If you do, we should get the information in exchange for the coffin."

"You know my fee, Earl."

Ciel sighed. "Fine. The Demeterran aground this morning. The captain’s log details the crew disappearing one by one during the journey from Varna to Whitby. The only human body found aboard was in that coffin." He nodded toward it. "Her Majesty had the contents of the ship delivered to Phantomhive Manor for us to investigate."

Undertaker sat on the table beside the coffin and slid off the lid. "How very remarkable." He tilted the corpse’s head back and forth. "I've never had a guest who looked so lively so long after death—at least, not before Icleaned him up." He slid an arm around the corpse's shoulders, gently lifting it. Dirt spilled out of its long wavy black hair. Undertaker took one of its limp hands to study the sharp nails. "Yes, veryremarkable. Your work?" He glanced at Sebastian.

"No. He appeared that way when we opened the coffin," said Sebastian, hiding his disappointment that he couldn't take credit for this miraculous circumstance.

"Strange..." Undertaker's silver bangs drooped onto the corpse's forehead, studying its face for any trace of makeup or magic. "There's no doubt it's dead. How...?"

The corpse's eyes snapped open.

Undertaker froze. The corpse froze. Icy blue eyes rolled around in their sockets, taking in the arm supporting its neck, the hand holding its hand, and the startled man bending over its coffin. The corpse snapped, "Do you mind?"

Undertaker shot up, hands next to his head. The corpse dropped back into the coffin with an "Oof." Dirt puffed up around him. He coughed, waving it away.

"Your fangs!" Undertaker exclaimed. "You're...!" He cracked up, laughing so hard he slid off the table and onto the floor.

Without the slightest change in his expression, Sebastian radiated smugness. "I hope this will serve as pre-payment the next time we come calling."

Ciel, who had only justlost his cool enough to press his back to the door, rounded on Sebastian. "You knew?! Why didn't you say something?!"

"You didn't ask."

"Didn't—! I referred to it as a corpse, didn't I? If you know I'm incorrect, you should correct me!"

"Wouldn't it look inappropriate for a butler to speak back to his master, my lord?"

"In private!You had allthe time we were in the carriage to London!"

"And my lord, you never called it a corpse. All you said in the manor was 'Disgusting' and 'Close up that coffin, we're taking it to Undertaker.' Just now, you called it a 'human body,' which doesn't necessarily imply the body is inanimate."

Waving his cane toward the coffin, Ciel snapped, "I also said there were no living people on board, which was wrong!"

"Was it?" Sebastian's gaze slid to the corpse, who was irritably brushing dirt from his hair and clothes. Smiling coldly, he asked, "Areyou alive, sir?"

Ciel snapped his mouth shut, scowling; but he gave the corpse a new, uncertain look.

"What an impertinent question," the corpse huffed. "Every Englishman I've ever met has boasted about his nation's enlightened attitudes—yet you're still limited to the binary of 'life' and 'death'?" Sniffing disdainfully, he climbed from his coffin, carefully stepped around Undertaker—still a pile of giggling limbs on the floor—and resumed cleaning his black suit. "But you, sir—I suspect you already know full well what I am."

Wearing the same smile, Sebastian bowed his head in acknowledgment. "Of course. Neither dead nor alive. Undead."

"A vampire!" Undertaker clapped.

"Such things are real?" Ciel asked Sebastian quietly. Sebastian nodded.

"A wonderful guest, indeed," Undertaker said. "And a wonderful prank. Thank you for this gift, Earl."

"'Earl'?" The vampire's sharp gaze turned on Ciel.

Ciel lifted his chin, meeting it unwaveringly.

The vampire didn't so much walk as glide across the room. "Forgive me for not greeting you sooner! I've been awakened so suddenly from my slumber, I wasn't aware that I was in the presence of one of my equals."

Ciel narrowed his eyes. "'Equals'? How so?"

"I studied English society extensively before traveling abroad, including your titles of nobility—I do believe that 'earl' is your country's equivalent rank to mine?" His smile was much like Sebastian's: charming, handsome, cold, hungry. "My name is Count Dracula. I am most honored to make your acquaintance."

###

"Corrupt souls?" Dracula asked, surprised. "Really? I would have imagined that they taste foul. Certainly, my most delectable meals always come from the virtuous."

"Quite the opposite," Sebastian assured him. "Forgive me if this metaphor isn't illuminating—although I have learned a great deal about cookingfood in my time at Phantomhive Manor, I'm woefully ignorant as to its taste—I am assuming that you remember mortal food?"

"It has been ages, but yes, I vaguely remember food. Go on."

"Grapes may rot, and milk may spoil, and in either of these cases it is then considered foul, is it not? But grapes in the hands of a winemaker or milk in the hands of a cheesemaker turn into delicacies. The 'corruption' enhances the flavor of what would otherwise be very plain foods."

Dracula nodded. "Yes, I understand. Whereas my primary diet is blood. If we liken blood to figs—they pair well with, say, a chevre, a cheese so fresh it's nearly still warm from the goat's belly; but something hardened and brittle like parmesan will overpower them. Perhaps a delicacy for you would spoil my meal."

"Perhaps so," Sebastian agreed. "I'm afraid that's outside my expertise. I never drink... blood."

"I'm starting to feel like a hunk of cheddar," Ciel muttered, leaning back against Undertaker's desk. "How much longer do we have to stay?"

"Patience, Earl," Undertaker said, each syllable hitting a different note. "Grim reapers are zealous about monitoring vampires. I've already messaged Dispatch; if you're not here when their investigator arrives, they'll just track you down. Even Iknow it's easier to go along with their tedious procedures. "

Ciel sighed. "We're going to miss dinner at this rate."

Undertaker waved a dog treat.

"No, thank you."

Someone knocked the door. "Ah!" Undertaker said. "That should be them."

"Allow me." With a cordial smile, Sebastian opened the door.

Grell's eyes lit up. "Oh—!"

With a cordial smile, Sebastian shut the door. He turned around. "Please ask Dispatch to send someone else."

Grell opened it. "Hellooo!" Her wide grin nearly cut her head in half. "When I was told to check out a vampire, nobody said the most handsome demon in London would be here, too." She leaned adoringly toward Sebastian. He leaned the other way. "To think I complained about being sent!"

"You should have complained harder," Sebastian said.

"Don't be like that, Bassy dear." She moved as if to pat Sebastian's head, watched him flinch out of range, and swept by with a satisfied smirk. "And it's alwaysa pleasure to see yourpretty face," she told Undertaker as she passed.

He hummed noncommittally, grinning like a cheshire and twirling a lock of silver hair around one finger in mock coquettishness.

Grell spared Ciel only half a look before scoffing. "Usually I'd have to check to see if you've been enthralled, but your contract prevents that. So I can skip you completely."

"Then we can leave?"

"Assuming I haven't enthralled Bassy into wanting to stay." Grell winked toward him. He frowned. "But, yes. If we need any information, we'll send a telegram."

Ciel looked toward Sebastian. "Then let's go."

"Hold on," Undertaker murmured. "Your Victoria gave you the Demeter's cargo because she wants you to discover what happened to the crew, did she not?"

"Of course."

"Then," he tilted his head toward Dracula, "when Grell interviews him about how he got here, shouldn't you listen to what he has to say about it?"

Ciel looked at Dracula, then Grell; then sighed, leaned against Undertaker's desk, and crossed his arms.

Sebastian pulled out a pocket watch, checked it, neatly clicked it close, and said, "If it would please you, I can head home first to ensure that a late dinner is prepared when you return to the manor."

"If I have to stay, so do you."

Sebastian hesitated; then nodded. "Yes, my lord."

"Now, where...?" Grell's gaze fell on Dracula—who seemed, more than anything else, bewildered by her—and her eyes widened. "Oh, my. Hello, tall, dark, and handsome. Lucky me—three gorgeous men in one room. I could party until dawn."

"But you won't," Sebastian said.

"Don't underestimate me." She slid onto a chair near Dracula, pulled out a notepad and pen, and asked, "So. What's your name, handsome?"

"Count Dracula," he replied.

"A count, no less! From...?"

"Transylvania."

"Transylvania..." She jotted down the information, then graced him with a shark-like smile.

He met it with a furrowed brow and faint frown, as though he was puzzling something out.

Grell had never once brushed off a gawker when she could instead bask in the spotlight. So she lowered her pen and said, "You've been staring since I came through the door. Haven't you ever seen an English lady before?" She winked.

Ah. That was the hint Dracula had been wanting. His brow smoothed and his charm reappeared. "I confess—although I've heard much about London's lovely ladies, I've never had the opportunity to meet one until now. Tell me—is your vibrant scarlet hair common, or is that a feature only the once-dead ladies receive?"

Sebastian and Ciel stared at Dracula in wide-eyed shock.

For a moment, so did Grell. But then her face lit up like a gas-soaked house under a match. "You charmer!" she squealed. "The red's all natural, actually! You can alwaystell when a woman's not a natural redhead. Death did give me some otherassets, though." She ran her tongue along the tips of her sharp fangs.

"Any vampire would be deeply desirous of such a mouth," Dracula said.

"Oh!I would loveto listen to you talk about which parts of me you deeply desire. But," she tapped her notepad, "unfortunately, we dohave a questionnaire to get through. I'm off duty once I get this in, though—perhaps I could give you a proper tour of London?" She batter her eyelashes.

Bowing his head, Dracula said, "It would be my honor to see London's nightlife on the arm of such a charming woman."

Grell turned to Undertaker and mouthed, "Thank you." Undertaker—sitting at his desk with his chin propped in his sleeve-bundled hands, watching the proceedings with a grin—let out a quiet, creaky laugh.

"Shouldn't grim reapers not get along with vampires?" Ciel muttered. "They don't get along with demons."

"Vampires are taken on a case by case basis," Undertaker murmured. "A vampire killing doesn't steal or damage a soul, so to grim reapers, it's no different from any other murder. Vampires who are good about getting in their paperwork can be quite popular."

Ciel blinked. "Vampires have paperwork?"

"So!" Grell said. "Let's start with the basics. Are you registered as a vampire with Grim Reaper Dispatch in Transylvania?"

"I am. I have been since the day I was turned."

"And you have your license to keep possession of your cinematic record after death?"

"Not on me," Dracula said. "But I assure you everything is in order."

"I trust you," Grell said. "Headquarters can check with the Transylvania Branch."

Ciel sighed, crossed his arms, and settled back to listen.

###

"And have you brought any other vampires or thralls with you?" Grell asked. Her flirtatiousness had petered out over the course of the interview as she focused on the minutiae of Dracula's trans-Mediterranean journey.

"None with me," Dracula said. "However, I already have one thrall in England who has been awaiting my arrival."

"Do you only plan to feed while you're here? Or will you be turning anyone?"

Ciel had found himself wondering that same question. He knew little about vampires outside of folk tales he'd previously dismissed. Sebastian seemed to be acquainted with them; Ciel would have to ask him for information later.

But if vampires did indeed go about exsanguinating humans and turning the corpses into more vampires, that made this Dracula the exact type of threat that Queen Victoria had tasked him to neutralize. Depending on Dracula's plans...

"I intend to turn a great many people," Dracula said amiably. "As many as I can."

Ciel frowned.

"You're going to give us a lot of extra paperwork," Grell lamented. "I can hear Will grousing already. You'll be a dear and do your half of it so we don't need to chase you down, won't you? I'm sure you know how many forms it takes for an undead human to keep its cinematic record."

"I'm well aware. My manservant Renfield will tend to all the paperwork."

"Wonderful." Grell lowered her pen. "You'll have to stop by the London Branch within the next week to sign a few little forms for us to keep on file—but everything else appears to be in order. Welcome to London, Count Dracula."

He bowed his head in gratitude. "I apologize that I wasn't able provide my license. I wasn't expecting my luggage to be held up."

"These things happen." Grell waved off the apology. "I can show you our local office during our tour of London. Besides that, we're done here."

"Then so are we," Ciel said. "Come, Sebastian."

Undertaker waved. "I owe you a free favor," he called after them. "The prank with the coffin was well worth it."

Few stars were yet showing when Ciel and Sebastian stepped outside, but the moon was bright and cold. As soon as the door shut, Ciel muttered, "Ate every crewman aboard. Planning to turn who-knows-how-many Londoners into his kind. He'll be trouble."

"Will he?" Sebastian asked with an unkind smile. "Certainly, the queen would object any actions that would reduce her empire's population. But if the count is here to turnpeople, not consumethem, wouldn't the number of subjects under her rule remain the same?" Ciel gave him a dirty look. He went on, "Can a vampire not be an Englishman?"

"I doubt Her Majesty will see it that way. You're more familiar with vampires than me. I'll be relying on your knowledge to..."

A red and black shadow glided around them, and a folded piece of paper emerged from its depths. "My address," Dracula said, with Grell wrapped happily around his other arm. "At least, my address nearest to Phantomhive Manor—I have property across England. I'm given to understand that my luggage was taken to your manor?"

Ciel did an admirable job of acting like he hadn't been overheard plotting. "I'll see to arranging its shipment."

"Wonderful." Dracula stepped back, then paused. "You're a remarkable fellow, Sebastian. I've never met a demon employed as a butler. I'm sure you must hear that all the time."

"Once in a while," Sebastian said.

"I quite enjoyed our culinary discussion," Dracula went on. "I've never had blood from someone whose soul has been fermentedrather than rotted. Perhaps in the hands of a proper chef..." He glanced at Ciel—who felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise—then back to Sebastian. "I'm sure you began preparing your own food because you found eating it raw tiresome and flavorless?"

"Like the first humans to spice their meat," Sebastian agreed.

"I've often found myself with the same problem. Dining on uncooked ingredients makes for a poor meal, no matter how high-quality the ingredients may be. If I am to make a home in England, my estate could benefit from a chef trained in the ways of a proper English butler."

Sebastian's eyebrows raised. "I'm afraid you have no way to pay me for such a service."

"No?" Dracula said. "We share the same prey but prefer different cuts of the meat. A meal you season for me is one you season for yourself. I think we could find the arrangement mutually beneficial."

Sebastian's expression froze in place, concealing his thoughts as he turned over the proposition.

"Come now," Grell chided, although she was more amused than put out, "don't tell me you're trying to take another man home right in front of the lady on your arm?"

"Tonight, I am yours," Dracula reassured her. "But I would be remiss not to extend a job offer to such a worthy candidate while I have the opportunity."

"Sebastian is already under a contract," Ciel said firmly. "Until his obligation to me is up, he's in myservice."

"And I would never try to steal him away from you," Dracula said, placing his free hand over his chest. "But your contract will eventually... terminate. And when he's looking for a new employer, I hope he'll keep me in mind."

Ciel shot a dark look at Sebastian. But he merely bowed his head. "Your offer is most generous, sir. But for now I should be escorting my young lord home."

"Of course. It's far too late for a child to be out," Dracula said. "Dangerous things roam the streets at night." Grell snickered; the moonlight glinted off her and Dracula's fangs.

And then they twirled away together, Dracula all but disappearing into the shadows while Grell's coat fluttered like a flame; already, she was talking to him about what late-night theater they could catch.

###

((Comments & reblogs are welcome! Also crossposted to AO3, link available on my blog.))

[femmesfollesnebraska]

Blog at 40, Liza Lou at 40

This is the fourth blog post I’ve written on what (feminist and/or women) artists have done/created during their 40th year during my 40th year. First 3:

1) Judy Chicago

2) Carolee Schneemann

3) Wanda Ewing

I include artworks by myself inspired by and/or in tribute to the artists at end of each post as well.

Today I write about Liza Lou, (born 1969), American visual artist best known for her large scale sculptures using glass beads.  Though not currently an artist on the top of my inspiration list, as much of her work leans primarily on the more conceptual side of the spectrum--though not entirely, to be sure--I came across her work the other day as I was researching what contemporary artists are doing in response to the pandemic for an upcoming presentation, and found her Apartogether project.

Screenshot of an Instagram post by Liza Lou announcing the start of Apartogether in response to Covid-19, 2020.

Apartogether is a community art project founded by Liza Lou at the onset of the COVID19 pandemic to foster connection and creativity during a time of social distancing and isolation.  Lou encourages IG followers to make work from familiar materials around the house and to tag it with the Instagram handle @apartogether_art and she archives it on her website. What started as an exercise in combatting long-term isolation has grown into a global community of makers eager to share. She also hosts art talks, a “sew-in” and sessions on Zoom to facilitate conversation among the participants.  As an accessible, open art project, I completely love this - anyone can participate, and everyone can view and appreciate this project. It’s warm, intimate, personal while also being enormous, inspirational and broadly impactful. I can’t help compare to Judy Chicago’s Honor Quilt from The Dinner Party, a crowdsourced quilt made from patches from people worldwide dedicated to women past to present, famous to non, that traveled with the famous work throughout its international tour in the 1980s, but I digress.

Speaking of Chicago, while doing my current research, I found an Op-ed for the New York Times she wrote about the significance of work with content; she articulated everything about her and feminist art that I love now and always have:

Does art matter when we are facing a global crisis such as the current Covid-19 pandemic?

Obviously, there is a great deal of art that doesn’t matter. This includes the work issuing from those university art programs that every year pump out thousands of graduates, taught only to speak in tongues about formal, conceptual and theoretical issues few people care about or can comprehend. Then there is the art created for a global market that has convinced too many people that a piece’s selling price is more important than the content it conveys.

But when art is meaningful and substantive, viewers can become enlightened, inspired and empowered. And this can lead to change, which we urgently need. 

...One might ask what this has to do with the global pandemic afflicting us. The answer lies in art’s power to shed light on the problems we are confronted with at this difficult time.  

...Art that raises awareness of the state of our planet can be especially important in today’s world. One example of this is the work of the contemporary artist and illustrator Sue Coe, whose pieces on animal mistreatment have been ignored or, at best, marginalized by an art community that seems to privilege meaninglessness over consequential work...

(I can’t express how much I love Judy Chicago’s adamant voice. It is so assertively, unapologetically and refreshingly personal and feminist. I highlly recommend reading her books and autobiographies - a new combined edition is actually coming out next year. Also, I currently have her book, New Views, which I’m stoked about starting and reviewing...but I digress, again!)

The point in my bringing this quote up around Liza Lou is that her work created during her 40th year, 2009, Book of Days, leans conceptual.

Liza Lou. Book of Days, Paper and glass beads.

I say “leans,” because, to make an obvious (and unfair) comparison: viewing Book of Days, without context, versus viewing this Judy Chicago’s The Dinner Party, a monumental work with 39 place-settings dedicated to women in Western art history (which Chicago debuted her 40th year, read my blog post here), there is clear content beyond the media with the latter, where the former emphasizes the media. Of course, Dinner Party’s media is very important, and Book of Days does have content beyond the media; its just immediate objective response in comparison is content vs. media. Which, is what Chicago was referring to in her editorial.

My preference typically leans towards feminist art with immediate content impact; as evidenced in my posts on Carolee Schneemann and Wanda Ewing. I haven’t thought about Liza Lou in years; in fact, Ewing was the one to introduce me to her work when I made a series of self portraits using beads (see below). Notably Lou is known for this work, which I love, Kitchen:

Liza Lou: Kitchen, 1994 (c) Liza Lou

Kitchen is a full-scaled kitchen Lou covered, over a five year period, with glistening beads. Lou created this piece after researching the lives of 19th women and kitchen design; the made plans, crafted objects out of paper mâché, painted them, and applied the beads in a mosaic of surface pattern. This work, in Lou’s words, “argues for the dignity of labor”—a labor that here manifests as process and subject, and is linked to gender, since crafts and kitchen work are traditionally female domains.  Some of the popular branded kitchen products depicted also might  comment on American life. Of course I can make a comparison to Chicago’s The Dinner Party, too, using the dinner table/traditional feminine media (ceramics/quilting) to honor these typically deemed inferior media. Or pop art, of course. Lou’s stands on its own--less reverential --more playful, inviting, fun and even personal (Lou did it all herself whereas Chicago had 400+ volunteers; Lou dedicates this to the all-encompassing woman; Chicago to specific though broad reaching women); both with extremely detailed thought, research and planning. 

I didn’t mean for this to be a comparison of Chicago to Lou - but, it is how I’ve been thinking these last couple days--because, to bring it back to Lou’s Book of Days, this work can be viewed as more akin to minimalist work--one can guess what it means--a tall, stack of beaded forms depicting paper--beautiful, white, simple--maybe you think of other such minimalist works that make you aware of your environment such as Mary Corse’ White Inner Bands (2000) made of glass microspheres inside acrylic canvas. I imagine as you move around Lou’s stack of beaded objects, the beads sparkler or shimmer, femininizing the perhaps stale environment. Or perhaps think of the intense linework of Edwina Leapman. Like the laborous line-making of Leapman, so is the intricate beadwork of Lou.

As such, Book of Days, like Kitchen, points to labor, containment, and womanhood in a beautiful, perhaps more subtle way. To be sure, Book of Days includes 365 beaded sheets - the days in a year, completed her 40th year. Making literal cognitive and/or physical aging, perhaps? Perhaps....

Back to viewing it as an object - no context on the wall, no intent known. Is such work, sans clear feminist intent, feminist? Or would it just be meaningless work such as that Chicago points to in her article, lacking educational value?  It is, in fact, feminist regardless. A woman making work, taking up space, is, in itself, political and a feminist statement. As women have been left off the walls, books and pages of history the majority of time and still are underrepresented (minorities even more), anything a woman (broadly defined) makes and is on view, is feminist in itself, clearly evoking social justice intent, or not.

To be sure - I don’t know, but I think Chicago would agree. To note as well, much of her work has minimalist aesthetics, as her training was such.

Here are a few of my older works, made with beads, inspired by Liza Lou:

Sally Brown Deskins: Babylove, beads and yarn on silk, 2007

Sally Brown Deskins: Self portrait with beads, pastel on black paper, 2008

Sally Brown Deskins: Heidi Clock - beads and yarn on a clock (I wish I had a better photo of this - it was donated and sold at an auction at the Bemis Center in 2008 or 2009; the purchaser told me she thought it was the “most authentic clock in the room” (all of the art was clocks)

-Sally Brown Deskins

IG @sallery_art

~

Les Femmes Folles is a volunteer organization founded in 2011 with the mission to support and promote women in all forms, styles and levels of art from around the world with the online journal, print annuals, exhibitions and events; originally inspired by artist Wanda Ewing and her curated exhibit by the name Les Femmes Folles (Wild Women). LFF was created and is curated by Sally Brown Deskins.  LFF Books is a micro-feminist press that publishes 1-2 books per year by the creators of Les Femmes Folles including the award-winning Intimates & Fools (Laura Madeline Wiseman, 2014) , The Hunger of the Cheeky Sisters: Ten Tales (Laura Madeline Wiseman/Lauren Rinaldi, 2015 and Mes Predices (catalog of art/writing by Marie Peter Toltz, 2017). Other titles include Les Femmes Folles: The Women 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015 and 2016 available on blurb.com, including art, poetry and interview excerpts from women artists. A portion of the proceeds from LFF books and products benefit the University of Nebraska-Omaha’s Wanda Ewing Scholarship Fund.

Submissions always open!

https://femmesfollesnebraska.tumblr.com/callforart-writing

[kingofthewilderwest]

I felt like talking about how science fiction alien names tend to contain underlying English sound patterns. So I did! Below, a transcript of what I basically said in the video:

One of the fun things about science fiction, fantasy, and other forms of fiction is the ability to create new worlds – and with it, new cultures. This often means creating new languages or at least new names for people, places, and special items. Something I’ve noticed from observing created names or alien languages… is that, even though they’re meant to sound “different” than English, they nevertheless retain a lot of innate principles and rules from the English language. Linguistic elements of the English language almost always seem to slip into these “different” alien words.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not complaining. I’m not even criticizing. I’m just observing, amused, as a linguist, what I see and hear. I don’t expect people to be accurate in how languages actually work when creating new, foreign names. In fact, it’s true that names are often modified by speakers of different languages to conform to their own language’s characteristics. English speakers say “France,” Tajik speakers say “Faronsa,” Khmer speakers say “Barang,” Amheric speakers say, “Ferenisayi,” and Nepali speakers say “Phrānsa.” Based upon the characteristics of each person’s language, how the word “France” is spoken by the French speakers gets modified into the new tongue. Languages that don’t have an “F” sound aren’t going to have an “f” at the start of their word for France. That’s how it works. So it’s not too terrible if a science fiction name has English characteristics; you could blame it on the “translation” from the alien language to how English speakers would pronounce it themselves.

However, if you happen to be curious about the discrepancies between how people create languages and names for their stories… versus what is linguistically accurate… I’m happy to share some of the common inaccuracies I’ve observed. You’re free - if you wish - to try to apply some of my commentary to your own worldbuilding to make your names feel more linguistically “realistic.” But I’m mostly just writing this for the fun of showing how a person’s innate, subconscious understanding of their native language (in this case, English) can influence how writers try to make alien names… and turn up just reproducing lots of the familiar rules from their native tongue. The internal grammar structure of English just keeps slipping in!

To make the content of this post more manageable, I’m only going to talk about inaccurate sound properties of science fiction names (that is, their phonetics and phonology). I don’t have time to talk about sentence structure or other linguistic elements. We’ll focus just on sound patterns here!

1. Stress systems identical to English

In English and many other languages, some syllables are stressed - or pronounced louder/longer/etc. - in words and sentences. For instance, the first syllable in “butter” is stressed and the second syllable in “computer” is stressed. Languages often have rules about what syllable gets stressed within a word and/or within a sentence, and it can admittedly get complex. Language stress systems vary pretty widely between languages.

But almost all science fiction and fantasy names I’ve come across use the exact same syllable structure as English. Somehow, though all the aliens you’ve met come from another solar system, their names reproduce the exact syllable structure as we hear in English. Whether it’s Kallo Jath or Kif Kroker or Mordin Solus or Garrus Vakarian or Ahsoka Tano or Gasgano or Jyn Erso or Yoda, I know immediately how to stress these “alien” words perfectly… because it’s how I’d naturally do it in my native language. English syllable rules reign supreme in all these names.

If you’re wondering why a name might sound “familiar” even if you made it up to sound alien, you could perhaps play with where you place primary stress. It doesn’t have to be complicated - some languages simply stress the final syllable of each word, for instance!

Let’s say I named a character “Matatari.” You probably automatically read the name to have the stress on the penultimate syllable. But you could test to see how it sounds with each of the different syllables stressed. The second-to-last syllable for English speakers might sound the most natural and “familiar” - but what happens if I made her name “MAtatari” or “matataRI”? Mátatari and Matatarí escape the rules of typical English stress.

2. Sound inventory identical to English.

All languages contain a finite set of sounds that combine into words. These sound units are called phonemes. A phoneme is like the b, e, and t sounds that combine to make the word “bet.”

Now, languages don’t all share the same phonemes, and they most certainly don’t have the same composite phonemic system. That is, languages might share some of the same sounds, but languages don’t have the entire same sound inventory. Think of a Venn diagram for two languages - some sounds will be in common in the center of the diagram, while other sounds will only appear in one of the languages.

When I hear people pronounce the names of their own alien languages, I hear… the phoneme system that English has. People just pick and use the sounds that are in the language they speak, whereas in truth, it’s most likely going to be the case that a foreign language lacks some of the sounds we have, and has some sounds we lack.

3. Use of cross-linguistically uncommon sounds.

Continuing off of #2… it turns out that some phonemes are more statistically likely to occur across all the world’s languages. How common a phoneme is cross-linguistically depends upon many factors, like how audibly discernible the phoneme is from other phonemes, how loud/quiet it is, and how easy it is to physiologically produce with our human anatomy (we tend to like to make sounds that are easy to make with our mouths, unsurprisingly). I’m not going to labor into the details of how something is common or how it isn’t, but I’m happy to list off some common and uncommon sounds cross-linguistically.

For one thing I notice in fantasy and science fiction names is the repeated use of sounds that are in English, but are actually very rare across the world’s languages. The sounds /f/ as in “fight” and /θ/ as in “thing” are very rare because they’re so quiet. They might be sounds in English, but most languages don’t have “f” and “th”! You’re also very unlikely to hear /ɛ/ as in “bet,” /ɪ/ as in “fish”, /l/ as in “lime,” and /ɹ/ as in “right.” (If you want an r sound, a rolled r is far more common - not that weird thing we have in English). I wouldn’t recommend /dʒ/ as in “jump” either.

So it’s actually slightly odd to see a bunch of characters named things like Worf or Kif or Sarek or Groot or Allura or Quark or Kit Fisto.

If you’re curious about sounds that are common, those are things like /k/ for “king,” /t/ for “tall,” /n/ for “no,” and actually a bunch of vowels that aren’t in English. If you know Spanish, think of the five main vowels a (as in “gato”), e (as in “tres”), i (as in “si”), o (as in “solo”), and u (as in “tu”). These vowels are the most common vowels cross-linguistically, and it’s actually pretty common for these to be THE five vowels in a language (with maybe a few diphthongs or something thrown in there). There’s also the schwa sound that you hear at the end of words like “para” - that baby gets heard a lot, too, for a variety of reasons.

4. Identical phonotactics.

Whether or not an individual sound is in a language is important. What also makes languages distinct is what sounds are “allowed” to be put next to each other. The rules for what sounds can go where in a word… is called phonotactics. What sounds are okay to put next to each other in one language might be entirely different in another language.

For instance, in English, there is no problem whatsoever with words like “string,” “sixths,” and “sounds” - words which have three or more consonants next to one another at the start or end of a syllable. However, having three consonants grouped together like s, t, and r in “string” might not be okay in another language. There are some languages, in fact, which don’t allow two consonants to be next to one another - you always have to have a vowel between consonants. This is why the word “Christmas” in English turns into “Kurisumasu” (クリスマス) in Japanese. The Japanese loan word takes the word “Christmas” and inserts vowels in between consonant clusters. And similarly, in English, we might have problems pronouncing some of the consonant clusters in Khmer words like “khnom” and “chngang.”

But we’d be very hard-pressed to find character names that flout the rules of English phonotactics.

Another thing to consider with phonotactics is where in the syllable a sound is “allowed” to occur. Sometimes there are different rules for what can go where depending upon whether it’s at the start of a syllable before the vowel (onset) or the end of a syllable after a vowel (coda). In English, we have the sound “ng”, like in “song” or “thing.” However, we cannot put “ng” at the start of a syllable in English. We can say “song” but not “ngos.” But, other languages like Vietnamese or Khmer have no problem putting the “ng” at the start of a syllable. Consider the common Vietnamese surname “Nguyen.” There’s that “ng” right at the start! Different languages have different rules.

And there’s all sort of variety: some languages only allow consonants at the start of a syllable but not the end of a syllable, some languages only allow certain consonants at the end of a syllable or a word, and some languages have specific restrictions about what consonant clusters are allowed. In general, it’s rare for long consonant clusters to be allowed (the word “sixths” in English is really unusual for what it allows).

I could probably keep going, but I imagine this gets the point across well enough. Again, this is not meant to be a criticism or evidence of shortcoming for writers. I don’t expect anyone to be experts in linguistics, and there is something to be said about readers getting frightened of printed words that look unpronounceable to them. Viewers also probably want to have an easy time pronouncing the names of characters they hear on screen. People are probably going to be happier to meet an alien named “Zarkon,” “Groot,” or “Morbo” than “Ng!lieng” or “O’kktroxnuo Khlebrrotk.”

However, I am writing this from an amused linguistic ramble about how our own native language’s rules seep into the subconscious. Even when people try to create “alien” names and words, we often find something far closer to home.

[ianmkeenan]

Primus

Information about Primus:

Effects

Fragrance

Flavors

Adverse reactions

Medical

Growing

Flowering time

Primus is an Indica strain most commonly found in Washington. It is a three-way cross between 303 OG, Arcata, and Trainwreck. The last two combine to create the famous Sativa-dominant Arcata Trainwreck which induces impressive mental effects. However, it is from the first that it garnered its structure from. Not only that, the Indica-dominant is highly potent.

It is not surprising for Primus to have up to 23% THC. After all, all three of its parents test high for presence of psychoactive substances. As such, it is a great choice for seasoned consumers with high tolerances. Still, beginners may enjoy the strain under the guidance of someone with more experience.

The Indica-dominant herb also has immense therapeutic value. People may use it to relieve conditions that plague both the mind and body.

Information about Primus:

ORIGINArcata, Trainwreck, 303 OGEFFECTSRelaxed - 10 Happy - 7 Euphoric - 3 Sleepy - 3 Uplifted - 3ADVERSE REACTIONS (NEGATIVE)Dry mouth - 10 Dry eyes - 10 Dizzy - 8 Anxious - 1 Paranoid - 1FRAGRANCESweet, sour, floral, earthy, skunkFLAVORSFloral, sweet, fruity, sour, wood, pine, skunkMEDICALStress - 10 Pain - 10 Insomnia - 6 Inflammation - 5 Nausea - 1FLOWERING TIME INDOORS7-9 weeksFLOWERING TIME OUTDOORSLate September to Mid-OctoberTHC CONTENT %15% to 23%INDICA / SATIVA %100% IndicaINDOOR YIELD10 to 12 ounces per square meterOUTDOOR YIELD12 ounces or more per plantCLIMATEWarm climateGROWTH LEVELSome experience needed

* 10 is the highest * 1 is the lowest

Effects

Primus OG is prized among many enthusiasts for its long-lasting buzz. It starts slow though, usually with a rush of euphoria that swarms the mind 15 minutes after the first two or three puffs. It inspires a happiness from within that leave users feeling uplifted through and through.

TIP: Looking to buy Primus seeds? Visit the ILGM weed seed shop

Still, in spite of the subtle mental clarity it induces, it is not a bud to be smoked during the day unless one were without tasks to do. This is because it plants a heaviness in the limbs that prevents one from moving around especially as the Indica effects manifest after an hour or two has passed. It relaxes the muscles and frees users of tension.

Primus Effects - Image powered by Allbud.com

It is only a matter of time until users begin to get drowsy. And, with it is a certainty that one will fall into deep and unencumbered slumber.

The best time to consume Primus is arguably only at night. As mentioned, it has powerful long-lasting effects that have the ability to put many in a heavily sedated state. Hence, functioning under its influence can be next to impossible.

Fragrance

Primus boasts a sweet and sour fruity fragrance that comes with strong floral overtones. Blending with it are rich notes of wet soil with undertones of skunk that permeate in the room once the buds are crushed or combusted.

Flavors

Primus has a pleasant floral flavor that swarms the palate at the first puff. Enhancing it is the taste of sweet fruit with subtle hints of sourness. On the exhale, hints of wood, pine, and skunk leave a delicious aftertaste in the mouth.

Adverse Reaction

Dry eyes and a cottonmouth are two of the most common reactions to using Primus OG. This is because THC, as well as other cannabinoids found in marijuana, interfere with the body’s ability to produce moisture. The mild side effects usually go away after a few hours but, if symptoms persist, users may want to down a few glasses of water and stay hydrated.

Primus Adverse Reaction - Image powered by Dopemagazine.com

Depending on the dose, Primus OG can cause users to ‘green out’ which is a condition characterized by a temporary dizziness accompanied by possibly high levels of anxiety. Users may also feel a little paranoid. Pacing and moderation, however, will lower the chances of such adverse reactions.

Medical

Ask any enthusiast as to why they use marijuana and, most likely, the answer will be ‘stress relief.’ To this end, Primus OG works perfectly. It induces a happy high that fosters a sense of calm. The same anxiolytic properties also relieve the overwhelming dread that often comes with high levels of stress.

TIP: Looking to buy Primus seeds? Visit the ILGM weed seed shop

As an Indica-dominant bud, however, Primus’ best use is arguably its physical effects. It soothes each muscle through and through. And, in totally relaxing the body, it relieves pain caused by either swelling or inflammation.

Primus Medical - Image powered by Potguide.com

Stress and pain are two things that everyone suffers from. Even though the severity of which varies by person, anyone can look to Primus for relief. The reason for that is because it’s a powerful stress buster and painkiller. When consumed for either affliction, it’s almost certain to provide immediate comfort.

Primus is good at fighting inflammation despite it not having lots of CBD. Additionally, it is a potent sleep-aid that can help insomniacs get the rest they need. Finally, the strain is also great at fighting minor nausea.

Growing

Primus has the typical traits that many Indica-leaning herbs share. It is stout with thick stalks, as well as branches, that are quite sturdy. However, this does not guarantee high resistance against a wide variety of problems including strong gusts of wind, fluctuations in weather, and high levels of moisture in the air. For this reason, it may not be the best choice to grow the plant outdoors.

This is not to say it will not thrive well in farms or gardens rather that it requires the expert case of an experienced grower. Beginners may accidentally stunt its growth or, worse, kill it through overfeeding or overwatering which not only diminishes yields but also cause its roots to rot.

For this reason, it is better to cultivate Primus in a controlled environment where aspiring growers can easily adjust factors that are beneficial to it. It also does not grow tall which means one need not top the plant early. However, it does require constant pruning due to its density which can sometimes harbor moisture that develops into mold or mildew.

Applying the Sea of Green method and Low Stress Training techniques will increase yields. As for mediums, one may use either hydroponics or soil. The former increases potency whereas the latter makes the strain produce tastier buds.

Flowering Time

Indoors Primus has an indoor flowering period of 7 to 9 weeks. Once ready for harvest, growers harvest between 10 to 12 ounces of buds per square meter.

Outdoors Farm or garden grown Primus flowers from the last week of September to the second or third week of October. Once mature, it yields at least 12 ounces of buds per plant with potential for more under the care of an expert grower.

Have you ever smoked or grown your own Primus? Please let me know what you think about this marijuana strain in the comments below.

Robert

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