#thant's my husband

[hstylesmermaid]

❤️‍🔥I died dead ❤️‍🔥

Lando fucking Norris arriving at Silverstone GP knowing he's the #1

[bigavidmostallsportsfansaftyco]

Wa a know what George bush not sr but George bush jr did I would have preferred if mr bill Clinton’s vice presidents right hand man won the presidential election bush one a narrow squeaker election in flarida paper ballots jbodh not st but jr gose in to iraq and Asante’s gose to wall for Arabian oil and bush owns a oil gas business hemself a nother guns in butter got no gut no glory tough root in totem te Ian like Lyndon herald names Jonson was who escalated the veitnnam war and go a hundreds aboun hundreds opinions thousands of our innisent troops killed and left thir momies with no husband to take of the young kids bush not stbbuy jr from midland s we’ll blue coller town in Texas went in to Iraq thaught he was a tough better man like lbjna guns in butter demionic wicked no good keester who eskalated the 1950 60s cruet nam war and gif hundreds appointed thousand of our innisent shoulders killed for no reason a war I’m a peace loving old school hippie wood stick era a war we should have state out to be gin with it wasent like the japs blamed pestilence garner or sama laden s bomb king 911of the nyc world trade s enter towers we need to reall y to mind our foutain pollacy business bush jr not sr his dad who so defantsly warns him bush jr not to go in to Iraqi and to go after s Adam Husain the evil Iraqi dicktatar but bush jr de died him any way and went in

To Iraq any like a shirt with a wanted post

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[clementinesgulag]

✧ Day 20- Pumpkin Carving! ✧

Sometimes you need some chicken soup for the soul, and sometimes thant chicken soup is actually pumpkin soup made from the aftermath of toddler Moroha slaughtering a pumpkin. 

Mama definitely has another pumpkin hidden up her kimono sleeves, she knows her feral daughter and her equally feral husband far too well to think one would suffice for their level of halloween spirit. 

You can pry these good parents from my cold dead hands sunrise ;; 

kofi - patreon - website - instagram

[gallavictorious]

It's such a weird thing to do tho - go gay friends hunting. "Imma be friends with you, but only if you're gay!" Mickey would find that ridiculous, lol. But I'd find it hilarious if Mickey actually made friends with some gay dudes while Ian ended up disappointed because they don't "do it" for him. ;)

While I agree that the sole fact of a shared sexuality isn’t necessarily very much to build a friendship upon, I don’t find it all that strange that gay people living in a heteronormative society would want gay friends: as long as not being straight is perceived as setting you apart and marking you as ‘other’, finding a group and a space in which you are the norm can be quite important. In a world of perfect sexual equality, seeking out specifically gay friends might be weird; in the world we live in, not so much.

However, not every gay person will think having specifically gay friends is important or desirable, and my instinct would be to agree with you on Mickey finding the notion ridiculous. I'd be a little surprised if going friend shopping is his idea, unless something happens to prompt this sudden wish, but who knows? He might surprise us!

No matter who suggests it, though, I'd love for Mickey to find some friends who will adore him because everyone should love him always (even if I tend to think that Mickey isn't only pretty unconcerned about having gay friends but having friends in general)! But to be honest, I'm not sold on the notion of Ian ending up disappointed because he's had a lot of disappointment to deal with already. Yes, he's married to the love of his life and that's not nothing, but it's also not a cure all and I think out boy's been struggling quite a bit lately. Him having some fun wouldn't be so bad, would it?

Still, I could kind of see them getting to whatever LGTB+ space they've chosen and Mickey's still not convinced of this idea, but Ian's excited, all ”c'mon, Mick, it'll be fun, there's gotta be some interesting people here!”

Eyeing the partying crowd with characteristic skepticsm Mickey mutters something about only seeing a bunch of [semi-offensive adjective] [slur] and not knowing why they're even doing this because there's no way they're going to meet anyone even remotly fun here.

Ian shrugs, deliberatedly. ”Well, I mean, you probably won't.”

”The fuck's that supposed to mean?”

”Just saying, you're not exactly a people person.”

”Not a– ! Fuck you, I can be a people person. But in case you haven't noticed, most people are fucking morons. Not worth my goddamned time.”

”Uh-huh.”

Ian's smiling and looking condescending as fuck and maybe Mickey wants to punch him a little, but he doesn't, he takes an aggressive sip of his beer instead, and he's never been good at backing down from a challenge, not even when he knows what Ian is doing, so obviously the whole thing escalates into our favourite husbands heading off to see who can find the most and the best friends before the night is through.

And you know, Mickey isn't wrong about how he can (fake) be(ing) a people person if he's properly motivated and right now he's motivated as hell, so in the end he presents Ian with no less than half a dozen people that he persistently claims are real fucking funny, just great guys, you know, wouldn't mind hanging out with them for the rest of my life.

He's lying through his teeth; he doesn't give a rat's ass about any of these dudes (well, two of the dudes are actually chicks, but whatever, he ain't got nothing against women as long as he doesn't have to fuck them), but whatever it takes to stick it to Ian, right, and of course they should all meet up again for a beer on Wednesday, that sounds super fun, doesn't that sound super fun, Ian?

And they do meet up (somehow... let's not question the corona of it, okay?) and it turns out that these random people ain't actually so bad? Hell of a lot better thant he three potential friends Ian's managed to scrounge up, anyway; that trio quickly reveal themselves to be self-important and boring assholes. Ian readily admits as much and admits defeat – but he's not actually very disappointed about it, because the end result is still them having six gay friends to hang out with. (And part of Mickey will forever wonder if Ian didn't plan it like this, right from the start... but so fucking what if he did, it was still Mickey who charmed them.)

How about it, nonnie? Everybody wins? Acceptable?

[tastingmellow]

Try Me

A/N: So I realized I’ve been making the reader more sweet and there is nothing wrong with that but I want to show a side of the reader that Erik has yet to see!

Summary: Somebody speaks down on your daughter and they aren’t scared of Erik...but they should be terrified of you.

Warnings: Cursing.

Word Count: You know I don’t know so why even assume that I might this time?

“Erik, we gotta go. The wedding starts soon, I don’t want to be late.” You say, smoothing our your daughter’s red dress. She twirled around happily as Erik made his way out of the the living room, fixing the cuffs in his shirt. You adjusted his tie and smoothed out his jacket.

“I forgot how good you looked in a suit, baby.” You mumbled, mostly to yourself as you eyed him. He chuckled and kissed your lips. “God bless sun dress season.” He spoke, rubbing your back. You wore a yellow sundress with white scandals, deciding against heels since your cousin’s wedding was outside.

“Mommy, do you have my sweater?” Nala asked, rubbing her arms. “Cold already? Here, baby.” You helped her out it on before you all made your way out the door.

_____________________________

On the car ride to the venue you got a text from your mom. ‘Vena is coming.’ Is all it read and you groaned, leaning your head back. Erik glanced over at you, grabbing your hand. “What happened?”

“My aunt Vena is coming.” Erik gave a confused look so you further explained. “She’s the super religious woman you met at the reunion last year. She kept saying ‘Sex out of marriage ain’t God’s will.’” Erik nodded in realization, irritation covering his face.

“Oh, yeah. That old broad that kept calling Nala a brat and ‘unworthy’ to even be in the family?” You nodded, sighing deeply. Your great aunt Vena was so religious and foul, she was on your Dad’s side. She despised you and your mother because you were born outside of of marriage and Vena was just convinced that your mother was the reason your dad stopped coming around her and going to church. That was far from the truth.

“All I know is, today is not the day. Better find somebody to play with.”

___________________________________

The wedding was absolutely beautiful. Your cousin looked radiant and her husband looked handsome as ever. The guests had now moved to the reception, talking and waiting for the bride and groom to enter. You, Erik, and Nala sat with your parents, talking and chuckling at everyone who came to gush over how gorgeous Nala was.

“She’s so beautiful, I bet she’s just the smartest thing.” Your grandmother spoke, Nala smiling and hugging her legs. You nodded and smiled at the two of them. “She is, so intelligent and she’s such a sponge. Absorbs everything.” You spoke, referring to the fiasco of her repeating everything Erik had said.

“A sponge covered in dirt maybe.” You heard someone mumble and turned, noticing your Aunt Vena. You gave her a tight smile, Erik lightly squeezing your thigh. “Aunt Vena...” You spoke, giving her a weak hug as she gave your mother a fake smile, you as well. “Hey baby, still snacking up with this man, I see.” Your eye twitched, before you slightly chuckled. “Yes, we’re actually engaged.”

“But not married.” She spoke. If your grandmother hadn’t walked off with Nala to greet her cousins Vena would’ve been put in check. You were always taught to respect your elders...as long as they respected you. “And son, you should keep your hands where we can see them.” With that she walked off to hassle someone else.

Erik scowled while you sighed, placing your elbows on the table and rubbing your face, thanking God you’d decided against makeup. Erik leaned over, kissing your cheek and reassuring you that all would be fine while your father had to legit hug your mother with all his strength for her not to get up and swing.

_______________________________

The bride and groom had made their way out and the food was served. The cake was cut and everything was going well. Nala was off dancing with her big cousins and Erik and your older brother were talking about something. You sat with your mother and some cousins taking a sip from your champagne.

“I don’t know why Aunt Vena acts the way she does. She’s the one who got nearly 5 abortions from sleeping with a married man.” Your cousin spoke, having had too much alcohol. You chuckled in disbelief, so many hidden things about Aunt Vena had been revealed. And apparently they weren’t hidden, everyone knew but no one really talked about it.

“For a woman thinks we don’t know that she doesn’t know who Mike’s father is, she talk a sh—“ you were cut off by your daughter trying to climb on your lap, tears covering her face. You immediately put down your drink, grabbing her and putting her in your lap. The table became silent as everyone gave Nala a worried look.

“What’s wrong, honey?” It took a minute for her to calm down before Nala spoke up in a tiny voice. “That lady yelled at me...” she spoke and pointed to Vena. Your cousin who was just a few months from turning 17 came up to you. “Nala bumped into Vena on accident and for some dumbass reason she called Nala a bastard and pushed her.”

You blinked before looking down at your daughter who was distraught. You thanked your younger cousin before getting up and walking to Erik, placing Nala in his arms. “Hold her and find somebody to go to the ATM machine. Imma need bail.”

You made your way to Vena, tapping her shoulder before politely speaking. “Hey, Aunt Vena. Did you tell Nala she was a bastard and put your hands on her?” You spoke calmly while your Aunt rolled her eyes.

“If I did she deserved it. That little brat doesn’t know how to sit still. I should expect that from her though. Her mama was made the same way she was.” Aunt Vena nodded, taking a sip of her drink before attempting to walk off.

You made your way back in front of her and the tension caught almost everyone’s attention. “I don’t know why but you think just because you’re older Thant you can disrespect anyone, grown folks included.”

“They should respect their elders.” She spoke and you shook your head, chuckling. “With an elder like you, you deserve to have yo’ ass whooped.” Vena looked at you shocked, turning to your father. “Get your child.”

Your mother stepped up before he could speak and shook her head. “No, you need to learn how to stop being an old bag and start respecting your family.” Vena laughed and before she could speak you started again.

“You talk so much shit for a woman who slept with a married man, had a baby out of wedlock, the thing you condemn me and my mom for, being an entire ran through tunnel, and don’t act like we don’t know your oldest son is a pedophile. His ass should be in jail and you know it. But yet there he is. He has touched MULTIPLE kids in our family, and not just girls. But his ass is still invited to family functions. You don’t even know who the father of your youngest is yet you have the audacity to try to condemn for having a child...with a man I love!?”

You looked at her. “What typa bullshit is that?” You were her shit out and she was pissed. “Little girl, watch who you talking t—“ you put your hand up for her to stop talking. “Bitch, shut the fuck up.”

“If I don’t? What’s gonna happen? Your man gon’ put his hands on me? He a sinner and a woman beater?” She spoke, looking to Erik who was livid from the way she spoke to you.

You stepped up, getting closer and lowering your voice, your eyes never moving from hers. “No, he don’t put his hands on women. But I’ll I’ll beat your ass regardless of the consequences. You been putting your hands and mouth on everybody in this family but you touched the wrong child today. So, get to stepping or I swear, on my baby girl, I will fuck up yo life for eternity and make you wish yo’ ass could die faster.”

With that you walked away, grabbing your purse and walking past Erik, nudging your head to go. You kissed your cousin and parents good bye before walking out.

_________________________________

You had put Nala to bed and you were tired, still irritated but you were better than earlier. You had gotten a text from your mom once you’d gotten home, ‘Vena was so angry when you left 😭. Btw, Tyson was taken to jail tonight. I’m so proud of you, baby. You had me thinking you were about to kill her right there.’ You laughed and told her good night before getting in the shower.

You were lathering your body up when you felt hands wrap around your waist, your back pressing against a muscular chest. You smiled, leaning your head back against him. “If I ain’t know any better I’d thought you were in the military the way you went cold today.” He spoke, lightly kissing your cheek as you laughed. “I just couldn’t take the damn hypocrisy anymore. She deserved it.” You shrugged and reached back, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“You looked good threatening her old ass.” You laughed loudly before he leaned over and kissed you, his tongue slightly grazing over yours. You sighed and turned around, jumping and wrapping your legs around him. “You think so?” He nodded and softly kissed your neck while grabbing at your ass. “But you’re right, she deserved it. I thought I was scary? Babygirl, you are a couple more levels than me.”

“Only when it comes to my little one. Mother’s instinct.” You shrugged and laughed as he kissed your cheek. “Well, you looked so fine angry, as generic as that shit sound. Let me show you Daddy’s instinct.”

_______________________________

A/N: Like and share! Comment and give me feedback! Y’all ready for more fics?

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[evcrlasting]

Gemma rolled her eyes. Maybe solitary confinement wasn’t enough. Throw her on an island then? No she’s enjoy that too much. Did he really assume she’d say no? Maybe Gemma could see why he’d think that. Purposely choosing to spend time with Irvin hadn’t exactly been a thing but this was different. “That- Thant’s not it but sure we’ll talk about it later.” She had no issue with going that far with Irvin. Not that she showed it, but she actually trusted him. She just didn’t want to be a burden, nor did she know just how far his family would let them escape. Still, the idea of a trip was amazing, she’d start planning in her head.

She rubbed his back, hoping it would give Irvin some sort of comfort. It wasn’t like she could verbally tell him he did well, though she has subtly tried. Gemma grinned at him, “only because it’s true.” Gem was only glad that Mrs. Lewis managed to agree with her. “Exactly.” No, this woman just did not know when to quit. Props to her persistence but this was not the situation in which she needed a suggestion for their wedding. That was never going to happen. No, that was exactly what needed to happen. Irvin needed to keep his wife away from her wedding dress moment, they couldn’t afford for that to happen. She could only imagine how much more complicated that would make their situation. Though before she could shut that down real fast, Irvin was speaking. And he definitely wasn’t saying the right things. “As great as a wedding sounds, I think it would be best that we wait to do anything big.” A year... never. Never sounded about right for the Irvin and Gemma big wedding. And Mrs. Lewis, sadly for her, should not expect any invitation on the mail.

Gemma glanced at the dance floor, seeing other couples start to slow dance. That was an exit if she had seen one yet. She intertwined their fingers, giving him a little squeeze. “It was great to meet you Mrs. Lewis and I really appreciate the new nickname you taught me,” she was changing Irvin’s contact name to big marshmallow as soon as she could, “but I think my husband owes me a dance.” And they deserved a space to breath away from the woman. She shot the woman a grin before pulling Irvin with her as she moved towards the dance floor, so she didn’t seem like a blatant liar. Out of ear shot she dropped her voice, “I screwed up earlier, I’m sorry. We probably wouldn’t have had to scramble if I had explained better.” Though Mrs. Lewis just seemed to make people screw up as well. They could’ve done worse though. She at least believed they were a cute newlywed couple. And that Irvin was lucky to have her but Gemma just liked to hear that part anyway.

evcrlasting​:

So maybe Irvin wasn’t all bad. No, she knew he wasn’t but he was willing to not take her ass kissing and find her wedding? Nah, he probably just wouldn’t be able to handle consistently nice Gemma, she wouldn’t either. “You’re right, I don’t think I could even last a whole 24 hours of ass kissing.” For him, she probably could, for his brother, definitely not and for his parents, maybe 2 hours… tops. “It’s not so much calling you hot as much as it’s that stupid title. I’d rather sit in solitary confinement for months than repeat that.” Harsh? Yes, but he needed to know the truth. He also didn’t need her stroking his ego. “I appreciate it,” though she’d have to do a mental check on anyone who agreed. Maybe she didn’t have to give a legitimate reason? Did they really have to know the truth? Gemma raise a brow at his offer. “I’d like that. I mean it doesn’t even have to be Brazil but I’d just be happy to go somewhere.” Did it technically count as a Honeymoon? Time away from the craziness? She’d be an idiot to turn that down. Sometimes Irvin said things that although her brain knew better, her heart couldn’t help but pound a little harder. Did he know how that sounded? Fuck the butterflies doing flips in her stomach. She only hummed in response, not sure what to say in response.

Gemma grinned, “Thank you!” She snorted quietly at the cheek pinching. There was no way Irvin liked what was happening but she couldn’t stop the other woman. Notthat she wanted to do so either. Why save her big marshmallow from embarrassment. She wouldn’t get this moment ever again. So of course Gemma was gonna enjoy it. “I’d like to think so too, but I’m also lucky to have my big marshmallow,” she snickered. He’d have to know he wasn’t living this one down. Had Gemma realized Mrs.Lewis would misinterpreted her words, she would’ve chosen different ones. Fuck. Even she could admit she screwed up. Gemma was an idiot, that was easy to see. She’s have to apologize for that later. Honestly, Gem wasn’t even sure how to cover for her mess up.

Nice save. An unexpected one but she was in no position to question where he pulled this answer from. Not that either of them were planning to go into acting but if only casting directors could see them now. They’d make a great improv group. She gave him a genuine smile, God she owed him for covering her ass. Not that he had much of a choice. “Right,” she agreed, “I just love the way he tells it,” she grinned, glancing at Mrs. Lewis. Even if there was no other way to tell it.

As if his parents had any choice in the matter. It wasn’t far from the truth though. Their marriage had been private. Completely different but still private. Maybe it was for the best that his parents didn’t have a say. And the pressure was back on her. If only she could tell Mrs. Lewis she did in fact want her wedding. Instead she sucked it up and shook her head, “I love weddings too and this wedding is amazing. I just think sometimes weddings turn into too much of pleasing everyone else and it was nice to have something… just for us.” She smiled up at Irvin, “I wouldn’t change how we did it.” Though maybe she’d personally add a nice wedding.

He only nodded, knowing that Gemma would be unable to go that long with ‘ass-kissing’. It just wasn’t like her. “Yikes, solitary confinement? That’s harsh Gemma!” Again, just him being dramatic. He definitely expected her to refuse his offer,  but he was pleasantly surprised when he heard the opposite. Irvin enjoyed traveling, mostly because he was able to be away from his family’s bullshit. It always did him good. “Really?” You could’ve sworn his eyes sparkled in response, “Yeah of course! We can definitely do Brazil, but somewhere closer if you’re not comfortable going that far with me…let’s uh, talk about it later, yeah?” 

Irvin could have rolled his eyes by now, he could not believe that Mrs. Lewis was doing this in front of Gemma. It’s not like he could say anything to her though, just had to let Mrs. Lewis be Mrs. Lewis. The lady was clearly pleased that Gemma used her phrase, her smile widening. “I am so glad to hear that, I mean you two look great together.” 

He was practically sweating bullets as he wrapped up telling the story, hoping she would just drop the wedding thing. Why were people so obsessed with this? Irvin tried to be quick on his feet, coming up with details to add to their story. Hopefully with details that didn’t contradict each other. It was all hard to keep up with in his head. “She’s being too nice, she always says that,” Irvin commented, adding a kiss to the top of her head (just to keep up the act?) before turning his attention back to Mrs. Lewis. She nodded along to Gemma’s response, softly patting her shoulder. “of course dear, tell me about it! When I married my husband years ago, I barely saw him the day of our wedding. We were so busy hosting our guests, I mean just look at the happy couple, they’re running all over the place!” Irvin shook his head at her insistence, Mrs. Lewis really had a way to plant thoughts in people’s minds. “Oh that’s wonderful! They do say it’s the little moments, but you let me know if you ever want that wedding, I can put you in touch with this friend of mine, she owns a boutique and I’m sure she’d love to help you find your dress.” Mrs. Lewis turned to Irvin, “don’t keep your wife from her wedding dress moment Irvin, you’re better than that. Just make sure it doesn’t resemble anything from today’s or they’ll assume you stole their ideas.” He nodded slowly, “I…right, thanks Mrs. Lewis and you know we, of course, would have invited you. We…if we do, you’ll see that invitation in your mailbox!” Wait no. Reluctantly, he looked over at Gemma, hoping Mrs. Lewis understood what he meant to say. 

[hstylesmermaid]

Why am I single?! Because my standards in men are him! I just want him, no one else ❤️‍🔥

[hstylesmermaid]

Let me introduce you to the ✨LOML✨

this man has such a chokehold on me

[hstylesmermaid]

LANDO NORRIS WINS THE DUTCH GRAND PRIX!!! 🧡🧡🧡🧡

I knew it!!! Let me recap, Taylor Swift wore a lot of orange on her last London show and sang Getaway Car and Florida

Also, Lando got "injured", maybe a little cut aaaaand Taylor also sang Dead by a thousand cuts...

Last, but not least, LANDO NORRIS IS A TWO TIMES GRAND PRIX WINNER

[hstylesmermaid]

I saw that TikTok video about a girl being delulu with Joe Jonas and then he commenting on it...

I don't think Lando Norris has a Tumblr acc or that he'll see this post, but I have to say that I'm not ✨delulu✨, I know for a fact that someday I'll meet him! Even my friends reference him as my husband, so...

Lando, if you see this, slide into my DMs 🫶🏻🧡✨