#thanks. sorry. really stressed out
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so, hi, i'm ira. i stuck all those pages of some of my comics up there ^ bc maybe you have seen some of my stuff around
anyway. besides drawing a bunch of comics about me yelling, i do art as a living, and my main way of doing that (my very old, very ornery wacom tablet) seems to have finally kicked it, and i am really not prepared for it to do that. i have been trying to save up for an upgrade/replacement for a long time, and i just have never been able to get a foothold, and now it's become urgent
i can't really take on more work than what i already do day to day; i might try to take some small traditional commissions when i'm able (and you can join my commission mailing list if you want to get a heads up when that happens), but in the meantime a replacement just really does not feel in my reach on my own so i've set up a kofi donation goal too.
it sucks to have to do this; please don't feel obligated and only donate if you're 100% in a solid spot financially yourself. i have the goal set for the replacement i would have hoped to get, but any amount will really really help me out and i really appreciate it. thank you so much
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tumblr said draw something bad so I did but I'm mad I still didn't feel anything
#man i started tagging this and i cant even bring myself to do it. hashtag art hashtag illustration hashtag capitalism.#sorry to be sadposting... tumblr is the only place i can admit ive actually been really really struggling with my love for art...#i should be grateful. i should be thankful for the fact that i can do art as my job. i shouldnt be whining about it like this.#but theres a hole in my soul where my joy for creating used to be and i dont know how to fix it. i want to love to draw again.#its been like this for probably over a year now and i dont know what to do. i cant abandon everything ive been working on for 7 years.#im also unemployable. so its not like i would dare to quit moonlume...but i just want to find joy in it again...#but capitalism has dug its wretched claws into my skull so badly that everything has been feeling incredibly soulless. i hate it.#anyway. might delete this later. its unprofessional but this is the one website where i can let go of professionalism for 5min and be human.#i dont hate what i do and i really am thankful..i just i wish i wasnt so stressed about making everything look good and perfect and sellable#but at this point its subconsciously connected to my survival that every time i think about drawing i stress myself out before i even start#ugh idk. neither here nor there. cant quit but dont feel connected to my work but cant change what i do or i will alienate my audience 👍
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powerlessness - lynette
[random writing event] - requested by anon | ((contains spoilers of arlecchino’s story quest))
She knew she shouldn’t be here. Father would not be happy if she found out. Lynette told herself it was only for the tea. It was good, after all, and quite novel too. This was the first time she heard of tea containing balled tapioca and being served cold. It was the only cafe in all of Fontaine. Still, if she had to be honest with herself, the unique tea paled in comparison to the real reason why she came.
“Oh, it’s you again!” You greeted with that familiar smile of yours. “Would you like to try a different one this time? The Strawberry Milk Tea is quite delicious.”
“Sure, that sounds nice,” she replied with a smile.
After paying, she took a seat at one of the tables placed inside the cafe, one that got her a good view of you dutifully making her order behind the counter. She made sure not to watch you overtly. It wouldn’t do any good to make you nervous. But in the corner of her eye, she couldn’t stop watching as you went about pouring tea from different pitchers and stirring different pots. You moved with grace as you always did.
Though Father called it “death,” in truth, you barely changed. The way you hummed while you worked was the same, as well as the way your eyes crinkled around the corners when you smiled. Even the way you moved your hands felt as if she had witnessed it time and time again. Everything you did was so… you. And yet, no longer were you the same person she once knew.
“Here’s your order, miss,” you called out as you placed her cup of tea, as well as a scone she did not order. But before she could argue, you winked with that cheeky smile of yours, “This one is on the house.”
You were already on your way behind the counter before she could refuse. After all, it was a lemon scone. Her favorite. That wasn’t something you should know, so how… She sighed and took a bite. There was no use putting much thought into it. She knew how Father’s flames worked. It burned away everything. So your gift was all by chance. That was all.
So if that was the case…
A tear fell. Then another.
How terrible she was for mourning you. She had no right. Though you would always smile so brightly at her, she couldn’t protect you. She wasn’t able to preserve your happiness. Before her eyes she watched as the House wore you down, inch by inch. Every day that passed the light in your eyes grew more and more dim. Then one day you broke.
And she could not do a thing.
In “death,” Father saved you. In “death,” you were resurrected back to life. You could smile now. You could sing. You could be anything you wanted to be. By all means, she should be happy. It was the best ending she could ask for, wasn’t it? But watching you here made her long for the person that’d always roll your eyes when she broke yet another machine, the you that’d laugh when she went in standby mode to escape. She wanted the you she grew up with. The you she loved.
“Miss, are you alright?” You asked, holding out a handkerchief.
Taking out one of her own, she nodded while wiping her eyes.
“I’m alright. Something got in my eye. You don’t need to worry about me,” she replied.
Her heart warmed by the way worry reflected so clearly in your eyes.
“Well… if there’s anything I can help you with, please let me know.”
Unable to deny your request, she found herself speaking before she even realized it. She couldn’t stop herself even if she wanted to.
“Are you happy here?”
Your expression scrunched in confusion as you pondered her question, but soon you came to your answer.
“Working here, you mean? Yes, I’m very happy here. Couldn’t ask for anywhere better to be.”
As you spoke, your eyes lit with life as a smile came to your face. It was undeniably the truth. So as much as her heart ached, she also couldn’t deny the relief that filled it as well.
“I’m glad.”
#genshin impact#genshin x reader#lynette#lynette x reader#spoilers#writing event#request#anon#4.6 spoilers#thank you for the really kind message and sorry for the wait!#sorry this isn’t the best either#lynette is a hard character to write#she’s not a flat character but in personality she is flat#so i hope this isn’t out of character#i wanted to expound on her relationship with reader but then it would’ve been too long#reader is someone that entered the house after her and imprinted on her at a young age#but eventually grew up into a cheeky person#but the stresses of the House took its toll
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this is a long shot and i'm sorry to ask, but if you don't mind, can mutuals (or contacts or regulars... just... this community) of mine who aren't jumping ship like... let me know? will any of us still be here? is it over? i'm trying to know if this really is it or what's... even happening. i hate to reassurance seek but i'm feeling pretty miserable and confused.
edit: felt like i was being really pitiful and fragile making this but everybody is being so nice to me and responding so patiently with all your thoughts and i'm in tears of gratitude thank you thank you thank you 💖
#i glanced and thought they brought out a feature so that we could turn off ai access#that seemed... okay? i thought? but now i'm really confused. i don't know. i'm so tired and scared. i just can't... keep doing this#i know this is stupid but this feels like it's my fault.#it happens every time i find something. if i'm happy somewhere. it just.... poof. goes away. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry#on the edit: i would only *ever* think this about myself. double standards that i hold for myself are high. i expect emotional control#& performance from myself only. i would never think badly of anyone else being stressed about this or anything. thank you for your kindness#this community has been so beautiful and kind at every turn. i'm so grateful to get to be here and meet you all#okay... being really sappy now. y'all get to see my anxiety first hand today!! whee!! anyway. i'll get it together. haha! thank you.
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Thinking about steddie future where they're both just average guys. No rockstars, no basketball players just two Normal men living a normal life because honestly? they deserve it. They deserve soft domesticity and happiness.
They both have jobs they like but don't love and they're happy with that. Eddie maybe becomes an electrician, working for someone else's company. His coworkers are chill, he gets to get out and work with his hands and that's more than he could have asked for. Steve is a physical therapist, or a manager in some business. He likes his team and the steady hours. He's not working for his dad which is a plus.
They buy a house together, that's not a mansion but it's not a trailer either. Steve does a lot of the dishes because Eddie hates it, hates the feeling of old food on the plates and cutlery. So Eddie will kiss Steve on the cheek and does the laundry because Steve fucking hates laundry. And sitting on the floor watching TV while he folds clothes is honestly sort of relaxing?? Love is doing the chores your partner hates.
Steve and Robin go out for brunch at least once a month, where they catch up and gossip for hours and hours and Steve comes home lighter with updates on Robin and Vickie. Eddie will have nightly phone calls with Wayne, where they talk and laugh and Eddie will eventually hand the phone over to Steve so he and Wayne can talk sports together. When he's in town Dustin will come over and stay in their spare room and they laugh and joke so much it's just like old times. They go over to Jeff's house for dinner on a semi regular basis, and it's nice having normal friends.
They adopt a very annoying cat who will climb all over them in bed and meow in their faces when they don't wake up to feed it breakfast in time. Steve will go for jogs on a Saturday morning, coming home to Eddie reading in bed. Some old western book Wayne recommended to him. There's a steaming cup of coffee waiting on their bedside tables that Eddie's prepared.
They take time off of work and go on a week long vacation because they can do that now. They do dorky touristy things and Eddie buys a mug to send to Wayne. Steve takes a lot of dorky photos of the two of them.
Idk they deserve to be normal and alive and happy with no upside down anymore <3
Oh I love this! I had actually been thinking about tradesman Eddie for a little bit I am so, so glad you’ve come up with this!
I can so completely see him learning a trade and just getting employed and put through his time by a small local employer! He has to go through his exams and that part of it worries him when he first gets the job but his team end up being really supportive and Steve stays up late with him, practicing circuits and wiring and quizzing him on currents and volts. Eddie returning the favour, letting Steve mark up his muscles and be a living anatomy dummy. Sure it gets a little sexy from time to time but more often than not it’s just them testing each other as Steve identifies bones and Eddie talks about parallel circuits.
The monthly brunches mentally and physically revive Steve after working extended hours with patients that he really does want the best for but a jobs a job and it can get pretty tiring. They joke that they rebalance each others chakras but they really do feel realigned after their meet ups. Eddie can see it to, sometimes he’ll come pick them up when it’s been a boozy brunch and delights in seeing them happy and light, clambering over each other to tell Eddie something about one of the waiters or an especially good dish they ordered. When he drops Robin home Steve sits in the front and looks at peace and Eddie feels the same way.
Their weekends are for them, sometimes that means staying home and cleaning the whole place between ordering food in and sometimes that means going on a day trip and taking Wayne around all the antique spots around the county and seeing what horrors they can uncover. Top spot currently sits with Wayne’s find of a doll whose limbs had been replaced with horse legs and had the head of a fish. Of course they bought it.
Every time they go on a holiday they make sure to send postcards to everyone, including themselves, seeing if they’ll get home before the postcard does. Steve keeps them in a photo album, each with a Polaroid of them next to it. Sometimes taken by a stranger, sometimes just a close up of their faces squashed together. It’s Eddie’s favourite thing to go through on their anniversary, or any day really, just loves being reminded that this is the life they get to have.
It’s mundane, dare say even normal, but they love it. Steve comes home every night, happy to put his scrubs in the washing machine next to Eddie’s uniform, happy to be where he feels loved.
#momo :((((( you never put a foot wrong and your words are Art#I honestly feel very lucky to receive them#cat dads is so painfully true. they buy it the best food they can afford and toys and cat nip and pander to its every need#and it just loves them so aggressively for it. they have one of those baby slings for it#I love them doing dorky tourist stuff!!! I want them messing with perspective to create funny photos like holding buildings#Steve being on the phone with Wayne for the entirety of the game so they can discuss it real time. sometimes it’s just silence and Eddie#will go to speak and both Steve and Wayne will stress shush him so he goes off to meet Jeff and the guys#sometimes the guys come over and they have a night of whatever movie has come out on tape#it’s domestic and normal and they get old and happier#they go to whatever gig eddie gets tickets for. they go on their first trip abroad. they host Christmas.#(only the once though. neither of them have recovered from that experience)#idk you are just so right they can just be normal guys in love and being happy#sorry this isn’t the best reply I’m very rusty. I just love your ideas#thank you so much I really mean it#momo#stranger things#eddie munson#steddie#steve harrington#ask
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augh my phone was just cut off and i'm freaking out a little cuz i have no money left til friday, plus i still need syringes for my hormones and i owe my doctor $40 and i'm hungry ):
i was approved for disability but it looks like i won't be actually getting anything from it til at least the end of September, and i just don't know what to do in the meantime...
if i could please ask for help just a bit longer, i hopefully won't have to keep asking so much soon.
i am setting a new goal of $200 to cover this stuff, but for now i just need $40 to get phone service back and then however much anyone might be able to spare to help me get food.
reblogs would help a lot too! thank you so much again for your patience and support, it means the world to me
#this summer is just a bummer i guess. i wanted to see family again but i couldn't afford the bus#please forgive the spam and tone here i am sorry just stressed out#thank you for your help#i am really hoping i can pay it forward a little once i get better benefits even if it's not much
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i miss her…
#cant believe i forgot about her till the photobook q&a im so sorry witch mona~~~~~~~#press f for honeypre atelier gachas it was gone too soon™️#(currently e x t r e m e l y worried and stressed for tomorrow like never before b u t i have to appear like im fine sobs save me monachann)#(can i go on a stress-prompted tangent here about something inane? no? toooo bad im gonna go off anyway~~~~)#ok so. like. since witch mona is the image i have up ‘ere and since it’s still 七月… today’s tangent will be on irl spooky stories!!#s o. presenting a decently repressed memory from my childhood that resurfaced while i was hibernating at home:#anyways. well. thoughts about the afterlife can vary from person to person yes? there’s no one true correct belief after all#but the one question that unites us all is probably the one and only ‘are ghosts real?’#and well. for personal reasons i think so. i mean i’ve seen this one dude i hate get possessed a couple of times so welp. cant deny it ig.#wild story about that actually. back in the day my family’s finances were allegedly doing so badly that [dude i hate] had to pick up#a *c e r t a i n* side hustle for extra cash. that side hustle? literal grave digging at the cemetary. at night no less#and *ofc* he wasn’t respectful about it in the least so ofc some spirits followed him home. yay. free roommates.#one(?) of them even took residence in my room at the time and im 80% sure they ate my history textbook :( much sads#anyways well once that guy had too much to drink (which was rather often tbh) he’d get possessed. fun!#the only possession i ever saw was the n-rarity angry ghost who’d just huff and puff in silence with unfocused eyes most of the time#he’d occasionally put on a leather jacket too. but that was like a r-rarity event that didn’t happen that often#my mother had the chance to also witness the mosquito (who tried to barge into my room for fresh blood) and the 姑娘 (self-explanatory)#which is kinda unfair tbh. i wanted to see the ur-rarity ones too :( mostly bc it’d be funny to see a guy i hate act ooc (impure intentions)#oh right. how did we get the dude out of his possession? we just shook his arm really hard. prolly caused some lasting effects but who know#i think he could also just sleep off the possession but idk i was asleep for the ur-rarity incidents.#cant ask the one witness of it bc i dont want to bring back unnecessary flashbacks of [guy we hate]#anyways it’s been years since we moved out from that place and i still want my history textbook back. mostly for the principle of it but—#and so that’s the tangent of the day. i feel weirdly less stressed now thanks witch mona#i do wonder how my grandparents are faring on this 七月 though…#b u t !!!!! tomorrow’s date on the lunar calendar says it’s an auspicious day for wishful activity and starting a new job!!! so… maybe~~~~?#hauauauauauauauuauaaaaaa anyways insane tangent over stream mona’s new album ok bye#oops forgor to disable rbs i hate how easy it is to forget to use this function man
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✏ WIP Whenever ✏
Thank you for the tags @captastra @darkfire1177 @the-lastcall @hibernationsuit 💖💕
Haven't been working on too much personal art lately so not many new things to share
Have a lil sneaky peeky at these tiny sketches for the next few faith and max smoochy prompts in my ask box tho :]
open tag to anyone who wants to jump in!
#next week is gonna be great for faith and max enjoyers it looks like#just wanted to get a couple of these sketched out before I leave for the weekend#since they've been really nice (and much needed) stress relievers#I promise I haven't forgotten abt the other prompts in my ask box!!#I just have bigger ideas planned out for those and haven't had the time to work on them!!#but believe me I have been SO excited for when I can get back to them#they're literally all I think abt in terms of what I want to draw next!!#those and p&p au AND western au okay!! I have all the ideas planned out in my head but no time yet!!#2024 is gonna start off with some banger art fr fr#ily friends thank you for tagging me sorry I've been super slow getting around to everything#my mind has been all over the place and it's just that time of year ya'know#much love to y'all always <3#my art#faith and max
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Sorry if you’ve answered this before but do you have any idea of how many chapters into the fire will end up being or how the ending will pan out? (Also I love you and the world you’ve created thanks for being awesome <333)
I have answered this before, but I feel it changes day to day lol… ITF is about ummm halfway? It will absolutely be the largest fic of the three, but it has to be in order to bring this thing to a proper close. I could realistically do a fourth book but fuck it I am sticking to the original plan of three. I have the ending completely planned and most of the epilogue figured out as well… I will admit the only thing I don’t have completely planned out is the nitty-gritty details that tend to unfold as the story happens? So as the battle begins who knows how characters will react or what emotions will come up so I like to keep things loose with that to give the characters room to breathe.
But yeah! I do have an ending and I have all the MAJOR events planned, so any twists & turns along the way are already set in motion :)
(I love you thank you for sending me this ask you’re amazing)
#I wasn’t planning on doing this long of a ‘healing arc’#but honestly we worked so damn hard to get here I am really enjoying the characters interacting#Sokka was also freaking the fuck out for a while and Zuko refused to speak so now that we’re moving a LITTLE past that…#its more fun!#Like this next chapter is like… oddly wholesome?#There is laughter#& people enjoying themselves#smiling! Sun is fucking SHINING!#IT IS A DAMN GOOD DAY TO VISIT THE FUCKING MARKET#sorry i got excited haha#but yeah I’m trying not to stress about word count or making it too long or whatever because well… fanfic#this is my fic and I can do whatever I want I decided lol#not that I couldn’t before but I am trying not to stress about it haha#OK SO YEAH I HOPE YOU ENJOY I AM EXCITED WE HAVE SOME BATTLE PREPERATIONS TO GO! AHHHH#thanks for the ask seriously you’re great#irisviews73#leaving it all behind#LIAB#ITF#ask
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I say this with the deepest sense of hatred imaginable, fuck this article
#‘read more’ no I don’t think I will#hey google why was this a recommended article. wanna tell me why that is. wanna tell me why you thought I’d like this shit#there’s a difference between an opinion piece and literal ableism lmao fuck you man#this especially hits a nerve for me because I was a quote unquote snobby kid who was really just autistic#yeah hate to break it to you but I wasn’t locking myself in my room everyday and destroying things and screaming because I was bored#it was because I had debilitating anxiety and sensory overload that I didn’t understand or know how to deal with#pretty funny how the ‘snobby’ behavior stopped almost the second I got on meds and learned coping skills. huh. interesting#actually fuck this by the way this makes me so angry I can’t even verbalize it#yes there are kids who are just Being Kids. but ever stop to consider that maybe they’re going through something they can’t verbalize#saying that autistic behaviors are bratty is So fucking damaging. ppl will internalize it and turn that stress towards themselves#meltdowns that would’ve otherwise been outward get internalized and start self destructive behavior#my fucking source? points at myself#and using the term ‘functioning’ also pisses me the hell off#yeah I’m ‘high functioning’ until I’m Not and I can’t talk or move#also Nobody is just handing out autism diagnoses left and right to random kids who are defiant sometimes#my brother in Christ I would like to see a source for that. where’s the proof that this is happening other than rising autism rates#fuck you fuck you and most importantly actually just plain fuck you#I’ve been treated like shit by total strangers because I have selective mutism. that shit is traumatic#I wasn’t fucking Misbehaving when an old fuck starting publically yelling at me and berating me because I didn’t say hi back to him#I wasnt being ‘defiant’ when I could barely leave my fucking room for weeks afterwards and had panic attacks every fucking day#why the fuck would anyone let this article be published#tw ableism#so sorry for not being ladylike! it’s not the Victorian era you dipshit! I’m not trying to be rude I am autistic#but apparently autism doesn’t work like that so oh ok I guess I’m just a bad person. thanks for confirming my suspicions
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Where has the fishboy gone? Is he dead? D:
"It's been a while...Sorry for the silence."
(( Chi and Rozy are now available to answer asks.))
#chimer#myart#minecraft#minecraft oc#(( I had big plans for an update to bring this blog back because the last year since ive really touched it has been hell))#((hiatus has been waaaay longer than i intended))#((mental and physical health issues))#((but the anticipation and expectation to make it huge just stressed me out))#((Ill reveal more of what happened with Chi over time instead as i have the art for it drawn already))#((but for now hes back!))#((with a newcomer >:) ))#((sorry for the extended break though and thank you to everyone who bore with me))#((love yall))
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after spending the last week very stressed out and losing sleep over how much i regretted giving my number to a stranger, and after talking to several friends who all gave me the same very wise advice ("decide first what YOU want out of this and make decisions based on that" sounds obvious now but honestly blew my mind), i saw food truck man again today and he asked me if i have a boyfriend, told me he's all alone, hugged me twice, and tried to kiss me. i texted him after to be like just to be clear, i don't want a boyfriend, but i hope you find somebody! and he texted me back: i don't need a girlfriend. i'm married.
#AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA#i was actually so upset after he tried to kiss me. technically he did kiss me but not on the mouth because i would not turn my head lol#but i was like you know what i am an adult and i am going to be soooo mature right now. watch how mature i can be#and sent him this text#and then got that response and honestly now i feel a lot better about everything?? for some reason#i am not really understanding all of my reactions to this situation i need some time to process#but ultimately i have learned some new things about myself (or i probably will once i have processed lol)#and i'm actually quite proud of that text because i could have psyched myself out too much to send it#which i think would have just made me continue to be stressed about this#but i didn't!! i wrote it and i sent it and i didn't overthink it. yay me#sorry 2 everyone who wanted me to have a sexy time but it turns out i did not want to have a sexy time!#and i decided to take some advice that i should only do things i want to do <3 thank you to all my wise friends#it is a work in progress because he asked if he could hug me and i didn't really want to do that but i said okay#baby steps! working on it!#i feel insane though because i usually have a much easier time saying no than most people i know#so i don't know what's happening. it's because i gave him my number. i felt like by doing that i had consented to other things#but i hadn't. and even if i had i can withdraw consent at any time. yes. i do know this
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This is petty but it was always a bit weird to me that zexal got the reputation of "the one with aliens". like, technically not wrong i guess but it's more like this honestly really cool hell/heaven motif. more importantly, we do have a yugioh anime with actual aliens, it's called GX sjgisghej
you use this i think
#asks#anonymous#love yall but yall have gotta stop using my askbox as your opinion shoutbox please!!! wtf do you want me to say to stuff like this 😭#really stresses me out!! sorry! cool it please and thank you!
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i’m starting to get a lil bit more settled since this is my last week at my old job and have worked a bit at my new job — thank you for being patient with me as always!! i promise i’ll be properly around soon, and pls know i’m itching to write and talk with y’all 💜
#get ready to ramble | ooc#when i’m stressed my coping mechanism tends to be dropping off the face of the earth and i’m sorry about that ;;;;#my mental space has been eaten up by the transition and some personal things i’m dealing with#i’m alright i promise!! i’d say i’m feeling hopeful and happy despite and kinda bc of everything going on#but even good things can tire you out and be a lil much#so really and truly thank you for being patient with me 💜
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How would Ingo react to Emmet if this were a mix of Pandemonic Paradise and Illusory Lives ?
Honestly, I'm not sure.
Thoughts of throttling Kamado might pass through his head.
He'd absolutely be heartbroken, though, upon finding out that his little brother died twice, presumably -- then a bit more relieved to find that he's just stuck in the Distortion World.
Still very, very guilt-ridden, though.
And honestly, I'm not sure if Volo would be in one piece in this variant of things, considering the fact that Zoroark Emmet going to bite his hand in chapter one would probably just result in the entire appendage coming off, leaving Volo short five digits and a palm. Very messy.
So, I'd say that Ingo would still be relieved to find out that Emmet is still alive (in a sense), but would feel an immense amount of guilt at the fact that Emmet died in the first place.
(Kamado gets punched, maybe, Ingo's filter is failing and so is his ability to self-govern, he desperately needs to sleep and destress, and he's already socked one person in the face, so what's one more)
Thank you for the ask, Anon! I hope that this answered your question, and I hope you have a good day. :>
EDIT: also, I am so sorry, I received this ask in like December or November or something, so I cannot remember which post exactly you're referring to. Very sorry.
#asks#anon asks#wtst#pandemonic paradise au#illusory lives au#subway boss ingo#thank you for the ask!#this took a while to answer sorry about that#everyone is going through an emotional roller coaster#ingo has been in an emotionally stressful malaise for like two years now#and now he's being thrown into this#emmet died but also he's a zoroark but now he's probably actually dead and then it turns out he's alive and it's just#ingo really needs to sleep okay#for like a day#cuddled up with emmet and his zoroark fluff
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last years pride i had a sexuality crisis and this year a few days later im having a gender one. fuck.
#i was shaking celia/muro for what tf their gender is and all i got was#“its almost impossible to see who you are separate from how peoples perceptions feel and how they link to the systems that govern our lives#yay thanks as if i didn't already know that how femininity is punished has shaped me as constantly presenting masculine#maybe i am just a coward whos pretending to be trans to escape the awfulness that comes with being feminine#I DONT KNOW ANYMORE#i hate being seen as female but i only feel better when seen as a man- not truly happy#but its not like im ever seen as a real one#i enjoy pride because then my gender and presentation are just *queer* and i dont need to worry about boxes#i just want to be me!#this whole gender thing can kinda suck#im crow! thats all that should fucking matter!#not whatever box people try and fit me in#i guess i just gotta be used to not fitting into any box or label and having imposter syndrome for the only one that does: transgender#idk i kinda want to be in a box but it always ends up distressing me whenever i try#sorry to put this on peoples dashes#i just dont know and its stressing me out#im not a woman and i am more comfortable being seen as a man but thats *comfort* not really genuine joy#im a not-woman#i dont fucking know!!#i need to stop trying to figure it out bc of how distressing it is but here i go again...
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