#thanks to bottom erwin week for giving me the inspiration

[valisi-clark]

Renegade

Day 8: Freeform

Thank you to the hosts of @bottomerwinweek ! You deserve a pat on the back, or a hug, or an appreciative handjob maybe......... 

here’s the thing

******

Erwin turned on the tap in the kitchen and filled the small pot with water before putting it on to boil. Some mornings, he didn't miss the United States. But when he felt like he urgently needed coffee, and he had to wait to boil water, he missed being a spoiled American with a Keurig. Rather than walking away from the stove, he stood and watched the tiny bubbles begin to form in the bottom of the pot.

The isolation was finally getting to him. Even though they had made trips over the years to fill the safe house with entertainment, books, board games, puzzles, a set of weights, coloring books and markers and pencils, notebooks and pens, it hadn't proved to be much over a period of eight months. There was no way for him to read or hear news from his home country. He missed constantly being on top of the news. Knowing what was going on in the world never seemed like such a luxury before.

The pot of water came to roiling boil, and he poured some of it into the french press. When he closed the top, he watched the coffee through the glass while he waited for it steep. Coffee from a french press did taste better, but that wasn't really what bothered him. He had to admit again to himself.

He missed his computer. He missed the endless streams of information, and all of the angles that had to be worked out on a daily basis.

Even more than that, he missed Levi.

Erwin swallowed, trying to maintain the flood of emotion that came from even thinking of the man's name. He pressed the plunger in the french press down firmly before he poured his coffee into a mug. Finally, he lifted the mug and tasted. It wasn't bad.

Mug in hand, Erwin walked across the small house and to the front door. He opened it and smelled the air. It was a nice day. Hot but with low humidity. And in the distance, he could see the city of Chihuahua. When Erwin imagined Mexico, he always imagined desert. That's how television depicted Mexico anyway, lots of desert with tiny houses in the middle of nowhere. But when Erwin had picked the safe house he wanted to be near a city. Chihuahua was beautiful. If he ever needed to hide for a few days, it would be easier to alternate hiding among other people and hiding in the secluded house.

He didn't make very many trips to buy supplies, and he wasn't eating very much. The defined muscle that he had eight months prior had diminished some despite his routine of working out thirty minutes a day, four times a day. But he wasn’t eating as much. He was thinner. There weren't as many sugary treats sitting around for him to munch while coding. He slept better too, if only from boredom.

Erwin sat down in one of the outdoor chairs that was extremely sun bleached and almost falling apart. He liked to spend his mornings outside and visually explore the scenery.

His mind was too occupied to really enjoy the morning. When he first settled in Chihuahua, he was too paranoid to really think about everything that had happened. He distracted himself with anything, everything, while praying that he wouldn’t hear the hum of helicopters. But for the last month, his mistakes had plagued him daily, no matter what activities he created for himself. He kept thinking about what he could have done differently. How he could have protected himself and his people. How he could be in the Bahamas with Levi instead of in Mexico by himself.

There was that sinking feeling again. Thinking of Levi was inevitable, and it was sweet. But the loneliness he felt was more bitter than the mug of rough black coffee in his hand. Erwin took another sip to try and distract himself. All of the memories

At first, three years ago, it was all just an experiment. He just wanted to see if he could actually do it. Hack into the local credit union. Deduct a quarter of a cent from every twentieth account that made a transaction within a twelve hour period and put it into a bank account that he had created under a false name. The first day, he made over $10,000, and he panicked. He reversed the order, and everyone who he had stolen from had received their money back.

Immediately after that was done, Erwin deconstructed his computer and left its parts strewn all over his room. He considered running a magnet over everything, just to prove to himself that he would never do it again. There wouldn't be any software evidence. He made sure. But he had worked so hard to build that computer. Destroying its parts seemed too painful.

That same night, while he was sitting on his couch, eating Oriental flavored ramen noodles, watching the weather channel because it was free, he thought about that $10,000. He thought about how nice it would be to go to the local grocery store and buy a rib eye steak. Or even some fresh fruit. Maybe a lot of it. The only time of the year that he could afford those things was around Christmas, because his dad would send him a small check for a gift, and after his tax return. Every year, he halved his tax return. Half for bills or debt. Half for his computer or better food. Erwin took one more bite of his ramen before he set the bowl down in his lap and looked at it. He was disgusted with his retail store lifestyle. It had to end.

Erwin started the process again. He randomized the program and maintained it solo for a week. But there was too much money collecting just for himself. He needed help. The money was no good still in the bank account. If he was ever caught, the first thing the FBI would confiscate was the money in the bank. The only money that mattered was cash. Cold, hard cash that he could hide.

Erwin needed to collect people to help him get the cash out of the bank.

First, he started close to home, with his best friends. He didn't tell Mike and Nanaba immediately. He only started asking simple questions about money. Were they satisfied with their jobs? How did they feel about certain laws? Both of them were disgruntled. They were poor. Their university degrees didn't mean shit in their fields. Erwin brought them in. He created separate banks accounts for both of them under false names in two completely different banks, Regions and Fifth Third. They needed fake photo I.D.s. Had to claim they lost their debit cards to replace the one that they never had in the first place. Every two weeks, Mike and Nanaba would go to their respective banks to pull out “rent money” or a “car payment”.

He found Moblit causing chaos, that Erwin thought was so admirable, in the dark web. Moblit wasn’t doing damage. He was just fucking shit up. It was strictly trolling for fun. Moblit's favorite pastime was hacking into government email accounts and changing the password, just to irritate the politician. And Moblit would livestream the results. Erwin laughed every time one of the politicians got locked out of their email account, and they had to jump through hoops just to get back into it.

Along with Moblit, came Hange, who was the mastermind behind most of the ideas. Hange had the ideas. Moblit let her watch while he made it happen. Erwin thought it was a really beautiful arrangement.

After a few years, he finally bought a house that he equipped with everything they needed to keep the operation going. They paid taxes under the illusion that they all worked for a porn company that Erwin fabricated, including the business license. But when anyone would visit the website for their business, the visitor was simply directed to another website where cam girls were performing every day and night. And if the visitor was bold enough to pay for a full session with the young lady, Erwin deducted a dollar from that account for his trouble, without the actual website ever knowing. It was pocket change in comparison to what he had done with the banks. And when he became more comfortable with his software, he hacked into Wells Fargo. Larger network, more places to hide, but tighter security. Wells Fargo became  too lucrative. He had to reduce the amount to an tenth of a penny for every transaction to make the porn business look legitimate. They laundered what they could, but it was a full time job for all of them. Erwin took mornings. Mike and Nanaba afternoons and evenings. Moblit and Hange late nights to early morning.

Then, came Levi. Erwin suspected that someone had been fucking with his laptop for a few weeks. That was fine. There was barely anything on that machine, except for his actual stash of porn and some codes that he had created for viruses or worms that he was trying to build. But one morning, he checked the laptop, and the perpetrator had been sloppy. Some of his porn videos had been moved. Not to a different location. They were out of order in the their folder. Erwin hated it. Someone was in his laptop, and if he didn't box them in fast, they might move to another machine within the house.

He opened notepad and typed out: Who is this? - C0mmand3r. His name wasn't very well known, and he liked it that way. But he felt specifically targeted. In the past, he had asked for some help on the dark web a few times. It was dangerous work. He lost an entire machine over it once. But that was fine. He eventually found the answers. There was no answer on the notepad document for the entire day. The next morning when he woke up. Someone had responded. Those first, glorious two words.

Fuck you.

All of the coding that he had done was missing from the laptop. He had backups. It didn't matter. What mattered was that all of his gay porn had disappeared. He found all of his straight porn in the recycle bin, which had been left there purposely, he imagined.

Erwin messaged back.

If you can figure out the problem I'm having with that worm that I've been working on, please let me know. Leave my porn where I have it. There are times that I need it in a hurry.

Erwin put his porn back in its original folder and closed the laptop. There was no response for a few days. Then, when he checked his laptop one night, there were three new folders on the desktop. One was called WORM. The second was called GOOD PORN. The third was called SHIT PORN.

Whoever had hacked into his laptop had not only returned the worm, in better condition than when it had been stolen, but the hacker had also separated his gay porn between “good” and “shitty”. Most of the porn he had collected ended up in the shitty folder. In the good folder, there were quite a few new videos. Only a handful of his original collection had landed in the good folder. Erwin tried a few of the new videos. He remembered how hot his face felt. But the intruder was right. The videos were better. Better sound. Better lighting. Better angles. More close-ups. He remembered the smile that crossed his face while he watched some of them. When he glanced up at the webcam in his laptop lid, the light was blinking. Whoever had sent him the videos was watching him.

“Can you hear me too?” he asked.

A notepad popped up over the video player.

Yeah

“I really like what you've sent me,” Erwin said. He returned his eyes to the video.

I can tell

Erwin didn't respond to the message for a while. He was too busy going through the videos that he had been sent, and the webcam light continued to flicker on his laptop. Eventually, the tingling in his cock became too uncomfortable, and he realized that if he wasn't going to masturbate in front of a complete stranger, he needed to do something else.

“I've decided that I'm going to retaliate,” Erwin said to the webcam. Erwin closed the laptop, moved to his favorite computer, and began tracking down his hacker. Sending documents back was a mistake on the hacker's part. It was a rookie mistake, but no one who was capable of building a worm code like the one he read earlier would make a mistake like that. It had been done purposely.

Within only a few minutes, he was in the hacker’s machine. He went directly to the webcam, only to be met with black. He laughed. The hacker had actually put opaque tape over his webcam. There was no way to combat that with software. So he hacked into the microphone instead. It was disabled, but it only took a few minutes to enable it again. The first thing that he heard was music. Renegade by Styx.

The jig is up, the news is out

They've finally found me

The renegade who had it made

Retrieved for a bounty

Never more to go astray

This will be the end today

Of the wanted man

Hacking into the laptop was easy. Erwin was surprised that the hacker was using it for everything that he was doing rather than a computer he had built himself. Erwin tried to leave the laptop and find another machine connected to wherever the hacker was staying. He found several computers in the immediate area. One belonged to a child. One belonged to someone who was playing SNOOD. One definitely belonged to an anime nerd. Another was full of porn, but nothing that the hacker liked. Erwin gave up trying to find another machine.

Erwin pulled up a notepad document on the hacker's desktop.

I like your music.

Fuck off get out

Thank you for the porn.

You have horrible taste in porn. Men too probably.

Show me what good taste in men looks like.

There wasn't any answer for a few moments, but Erwin could see that the hacker was coding on the laptop. Working on another stolen code that he had taken from Erwin. He waited patiently. When he was at a good stopping point, he pulled the tape off of his webcam. At first, the camera was shaking, and the light was poor. But then Erwin saw him. Gray eyes. Dark hair. Plain white shirt. Facial expression full of contempt. Erwin was beyond fascinated.

Skype?

No.

Name the platform.

No.

You don't want to see me again?

I can see you whenever I want as long as you're using your laptop.

The man was looking off screen quite a lot then, typing on a different keyboard than the laptop. Somewhere else, beyond sight, Erwin was sure that he was trying to hack into his computer.

You can't get into this computer that I'm using.

Wanna bet?

Yes.

What's the prize?

You have 24 hours. If you get in, you can have any code that you find in my computer. And I mean any code.

It was a high price. Erwin was using his favorite computer that he trusted to hack into banks. And now this guy was going to try and find a way to get into it while Erwin was actively running the program to steal money from Wells Fargo. Erwin knew of two ways to get into his computer. He had hacked it before himself to make sure that it was difficult enough. One way was relatively easy, but there were extremely dangerous firewalls with brutal worms attached to them. If the hacker tried to get in the easy way, there wouldn’t be a computer alive in his entire building by the end of it. If the hacker took the long way, it would take him much longer than 24 hours, but he could get through. He could find out what Erwin was doing.

And if I lose?

Skype date with me.

There was a long pause, and Erwin could hear that he was typing faster. His gray eyes bouncing along the screen. He looked at the webcam. The music stopped.

“Deal,” he said. Erwin's stomach did a backflip. He had never seen someone like this man before. And his voice. It shot through Erwin's bones like electricity.

What’s your name?

“I’m Levi.”

I’m Erwin.

Levi lost the bet. Later, Erwin learned that Levi didn't even try.

******

Erwin came out of his daydream and sipped his coffee again. The coffee had gone cold. It wasn't the first time he had done that this month. But reminiscing was all that he had left.

He glanced at the primitive watch on his left wrist. It was past time for his breakfast. Time to work out for the first time.

Erwin stood from the outdoor chair and went back into the little house, closing the rickety door with his foot.

******

“Erwin.”

Erwin reached under his pillow for his gun, and it was missing. Then, there was weight on top of him, and hands holding down his shoulders. He fought, but the aggressor had the advantage. He didn't know who it was. Police were supposed to be loud. The intruder had been quiet. He fought anyway.

“Erwin! Stop it!”

Erwin stopped. That voice. The feeling of the body on top of him.

“Levi?” Erwin breathed.

“It's me, you dipshit,” Levi said. Erwin pushed at Levi until he fell back a little, and Erwin reached out and turned on the light on the nightstand. He slid back in the small bed and looked at Levi like he was a stranger.

“Levi-”

“Hey,” Levi said. Erwin looked him over. Plain white shirt. Dark jeans. Black socks. Boots were probably near the front door.

Erwin reached out, grabbed Levi by the shirt, and pulled Levi back on top of him. He wrapped his arms around Levi's waist and squeezed until Levi gasped. But Levi wrapped his arms just as tightly around Erwin's shoulders, breathing heavily. Erwin held tightly, hoping that it wasn't just another dream, and when he woke up, Levi would be gone again. Levi wiggled in his grasp, trying to pull back. That was real enough for Erwin. They leaned back far enough away from each other just far enough for a kiss, not willing to break the contact, but unable to stop. Erwin forced his tongue into Levi's mouth and found that taste he had been dreaming of for eight months. Minty and male.

Levi pulled back gasping.

“Erwin.”

“Levi,” Erwin said.

“Sorry I scared you.”

“It's alright,” Erwin said. “I'm glad you took the gun.”

Levi leaned towards him again, and Erwin grunted when he felt Levi pull his blond hair. Erwin pushed his hands under Levi's shirt and felt of the smooth skin, recognizing every inch of it, remembering the taste. But Levi pulled away again.

“Hey,” Levi gasped. “Let's talk. Talk first, and then we'll fuck.”

“Alright,” Erwin nodded. But they kissed again. Pawing at each other, gasping. Erwin took his mouth from Levi's, dropped his head, pressed his open mouth against Levi's neck and bit him gently, the way Levi liked it. When Levi groaned in his ear, Erwin's cock twitched.

“Okay, okay, okay,” Levi whispered, leaning back again. Erwin released his teeth, still holding onto him. But Levi pried himself from Erwin's arms and sat back on the bed. Putting distance between them. “Alright.” Levi ran his fingers through his hair, trying to put it back in place. Erwin pulled his feet out from under the sheet and put one foot against Levi's knee, feeling of the denim under his foot. His eyes were watering. He hadn't touched anyone in eight months. “Hey, it's okay.” Levi didn't miss anything.

“I missed you,” Erwin said. Levi moved over to him again, and in seconds, they were in the same predicament. Erwin even pulled Levi's shirt off, and his tongue automatically sliding over one hard nipple, sucking until Levi squirmed on top of him, pressing his tongue flat against Levi's skin and dragging it up to Levi's clavicle.

“I missed you, Erwin,” Levi whispered. “I have to talk to you now, okay?”

“Talk,” Erwin said. He pressed his mouth to Levi's neck and sucked, teething at the skin over the bite.

“Ah,” Levi gasped. “Alright. Listen. You're getting on a plane tomorrow.” Erwin took his mouth from Levi's neck, and leaned back, looking at Levi's eyes.

“Home?” Erwin asked in such a quiet whisper that he wasn't sure he had said it aloud. The fire in Levi's eyes died, and he shook his head, the pain and disappointment still obvious. Erwin sagged farther down into the bed, his head hitting the pillow like a brick. Levi leaned down, pressed kisses to his forehead, and his face. Erwin could only stare at nothing. “Where?” Levi didn't immediately answer, and Erwin was afraid that he already knew. That's why Levi was taking his time. Levi didn't want to say it. Erwin didn't want to hear it.

Levi framed Erwin's face with his hands, kissed him, apologizing beforehand. Erwin kissed back, wanting Levi not to say it. But Levi pulled back, looked at Erwin, took his hands away and settled them on either side, supporting himself.

“Ireland,” Levi said. All of the air in Erwin's lungs escaped, and his eyes watered so much that he couldn't even call it surprise response anymore. They were tears. Legitimate tears.

“Levi,” he gasped.

“I'm so fucking sorry, Erwin,” Levi said. He kissed Erwin's face, but Erwin pushed him away, hiding his face in his hands, trying to catch his breath. “I fucking tried. I swear that I did. The Russians first. I scared the shit out of them. The Chinese went offline shortly after. They probably burned everything they owned. The Irish were the only ones who would talk, Erwin.”

Erwin couldn't talk. But he didn't want to hide his eyes from the only person he had wanted to see. He  reached out, grabbed Levi, and pulled him close. They held onto each other. The flight was the next day. This was the last time they would see each other for a very long time. Much longer than eight months.

“I'm going home,” Erwin whispered. Levi shook his head.

“You can't yet,” Levi said. Erwin hid his face in the crook of Levi's neck. “I don't know if they'll ever stop looking, Erwin. I don't know.”

“How long?” Erwin asked. Levi didn't answer, and Erwin pulled away. He pushed Levi up, and Levi sat up on top of him, looking down at him.

“Five years,” Levi said. Erwin huffed a laugh. If he had known. Oh, if he had only known. He never would have started any of it.

“Five years with the IRA,” Erwin said.

“I tried, Erwin.”

“I know, Levi,” Erwin said, nodding. Of course Levi tried. He wanted Erwin back in the States almost as badly as Erwin wanted to go home. Maybe more.

“I tried to negotiate location. They don't trust their American partners to be your handler. They'll put you in a flat, put you in a house arrest anklet, and they'll let you go out once a week for groceries or whatever. I couldn't get anything else,” Levi said. “They wanted the Silk Road taken down but-”

“I can't do that.”

“I know. I told them. But I told them you could get them in it. They mostly do wholesale, but I reasoned with them, Erwin. They don't know anything about black hat, Erwin. As far as they're concerned, it's magic,” Levi said. Erwin nodded.

Most people didn't know a lot about black hat hacking. And if they didn't know anything about it, they could only think of treason. No one was hiring. If someone wanted black hat hacking, they learned it themselves. But the Irish Republican Army was old. They didn't have an online presence yet. The Original IRA had good intentions, but the group broke down eventually and went in different directions. Erwin would be working with the worst of them, focused on domestic terrorism and money. Erwin would help them go online with their endeavors. Work for protection.

When Erwin started the operation to get money fast, he knew that it would go wrong. It was illegal. It was immoral. It couldn't last forever. He came up with a plan. The plan was that if anything ever went wrong, if their activities were ever discovered, Erwin would take the fall. All possible evidence of any one else handling the money would be destroyed, and it would look like Erwin did the operation all by himself. He would flee the country. Hide in Mexico. Find protection in exchange for whatever he could do with a computer. Get employment in exchange for hiding, and some money if he was lucky. Then, when it seemed like he was in the clear, when the FBI went into a financial negative return on his case, he would go back to the United States.

Erwin had created the plan before he met Levi. And he knew that he would have to leave Levi behind.

“They're going to pay you,” Levi said, as if that made it any better. Levi laid down on top of Erwin pressing his ear against Erwin's chest to listen to his heartbeat.

“You'll have to tell me where to send it,” Erwin said.

“We're fine, Erwin,” Levi said. “We're going to be laundering money for years. Probably the entire time you're gone. Maybe longer. You took care of us. Mike and Nanaba are in Montana. Hange and Moblit when back to Portland.”

When the silence passed between them, Levi pressed his fingertips into the skin around Erwin's rib cage, asking for a response.

“I'm sorry,” Erwin said, his voice breaking only a little. Levi lifted his head, looked Erwin dead in the eye.

“Shut up,” Levi said.

“I'm sorry, Levi-”

“I said shut up.”

Erwin stared into Levi's eyes, burning like molten steel with anger. Levi hated it when Erwin sank into the guilt. But Erwin couldn't help it. He had made the mistake. Wells Fargo updated the security constantly, and it became more and more difficult to keep up with hiding the program. Humans needed sleep. Computer programs didn't. Moblit tried to help. But after a while, Moblit would wake Erwin up at all hours of the night asking for help. And fast. Levi said they should pull the plug, clear out the accounts. They had pulled so much money from the accounts that they couldn't keep it all in the house anymore. Erwin insisted it could work a little longer. He knew that when he pulled the program out of the Wells Fargo network, he's have to trash it. He had spent years creating it, and he wanted to get all of the use out of it possible before he had to destroy it.

He insisted they could go for a little longer. But they couldn't.

The FBI was on Erwin's ass so fast he almost didn't get out of the country. And he didn't get to say goodbye to the others. Levi demanded to go with him, but Erwin convinced him to stay behind and negotiate. Negotiate with anyone who would listen. Get him out of Mexico. Levi agreed.

Erwin ran his hands down Levi's bare arms, pressing his thumb into Levi's biceps. When he squeezed Levi's arms, the gray eyes finally softened.

“How am I going to get past the airline security?” Erwin asked. Every airline in the world could have his photo at that point. Levi could forge documents all day long for him, but they couldn't change the way he looked. Levi shook his head.

“Stop thinking,” Levi said. Erwin searched Levi's face for an explanation. How could they stop thinking? If they took time to stop at all, that could be the end. But he saw the desperation,  the reflection of his own loneliness that he had felt for eight months, in Levi's eyes.

Erwin nodded.

“Alright, Levi.”

Levi framed Erwin's face with his hands and leaned over him, pressing their lips together again. Erwin lifted his head from the pillow to meet him, too eager to wait, and he swore to himself that he would stop thinking. This was goodbye. He had to memorize the moment. Every breath. Each sound. Levi's unique smell.

Erwin closed his eyes tighter and opened his mouth when he felt Levi's tongue against his bottom lip. Rocking his hips up, Erwin heard the gasp deep in Levi's chest, and he smiled in the kiss. Levi smiled too, and then Levi had to break the kiss. He was laughing with relief, and Erwin laughed back. They paused, staring at each other in the light of lamp. Levi kept his hands near Erwin's face, memorizing it with his hands, pushing his fingers into Erwin's hair.

“Take off your boxers,” Levi said. He raised up on his knees and crawled out of the small bed. When Levi left, Erwin pushed the cotton sheets and quilt back. He hooked his thumbs in his boxers and pulled them off before he tossed them over the edge of the bed. Erwin didn't look down. He was half hard from kissing, and tt was too tempting to touch himself while he waited on Levi.

Erwin stared at the ceiling and listened to the sounds of Levi moving in the house. Hearing someone else, when there had been silence for so long felt foreign and welcome.

When he heard Levi's soft steps coming back into the bedroom, Erwin lifted his head and looked. Levi had a bottle of lube and a glove in one hand. His smart phone in the other hand. Erwin leaned his head back when he saw the piece of technology. He loved computers so much, but he had also let them ruin his life. A smart phone was just a smaller, easier to hack, version.

Levi stopped in the middle of the room and looked around. His eyes settled on the small nightstand. Walking over to the nightstand, Levi turned on the screen of the phone and began swiping and tapping. Erwin watched him, curious, still nervous. Levi pushed out the kick stand on his phone and set it down facing the bed. He leaned over and looked at the angle. Erwin understood then.

They had first bonded over porn. Now they were going to make it. He smiled up at Levi, and Levi looked down at him. A grin pulled up one side of his lips, and Erwin's cock jumped in response. He loved that look. Devious, and somehow with all of the affection that Levi could give.

“If I had known you would be so excited, I would've suggested we do this earlier,” Levi said. Erwin chuckled.

Levi tapped the screen, and he pulled one black latex glove onto his hand, leaving the other bare. He tossed the lube to the bed, and started pulling at his belt. Erwin watched, his face already flushing. Levi looked him in the eye while he, pulled off his belt, unzipped his jeans, and he pushed his underwear down with the denim. Then, he pulled off his socks.

Finally bare, Erwin could see that Levi's cock was already heavy and dripping. Levi crawled on top of the bed again, and settled between Erwin's legs. Erwin watched him, and he felt his eyes widen when Levi's head dropped.

The first lick against his cock felt so hot that a rough gasp wrenched from his chest.

“Fuck,” Erwin hissed. Levi cupped his balls, and Erwin pressed into his hand. When Levi's mouth wrapped around his head, Erwin's toes curled, and he groaned. It had been so long, too long. And no one had a mouth like Levi.

Levi sank his mouth down farther on Erwin's cock, until Erwin could feel the soft tissue in the back of Levi's throat. He purposely gagged himself, and Erwin moaned.

“Levi.”

Levi wasn't listening. He massaged Erwin's balls a few times before he actually started sucking his cock. Erwin bucked up from the bed, and he pressed his hands against the old headboard of the bed. Digging his heels into the mattress, trying to stop himself from lifting his hips again, Erwin shuddered.

Then, Levi pressed his tongue against the underside of Erwin's cock and dragged it up, applying as much pressure as he could. Erwin couldn't catch his breath. He could feel his chest rising sharply only to release trembling breaths.

Levi took his mouth away from Erwin and used his bare hand to stroke him, spreading saliva over his cock. Erwin allowed himself to squirm, and he lifted his head from the pillow. When he looked down at Levi, Levi was smiling at him. It wasn't devious anymore. Only appreciative.

“Gorgeous,” Levi muttered. “I've been thinking about you like this. All this time.” Erwin took a breath and his chest shuddered. He bit his bottom lip to keep from clenching his teeth. “How red your cock is when you're hard.” Erwin bent his knees, trying to keep from bucking off the bed. “The way you bite your bottom lip.” Erwin groaned. He hadn't heard Levi talk that way before. Levi increased the speed of his strokes, and Erwin let his head drop back to the pillow, dragging his fingernails against the headboard. His legs shook so hard that the bed rattled. He felt like all of the heat in his body was rushing to his cock, and he knew that he would come if Levi kept going. Levi didn't seem to want to stop. “Are you ready?” Levi asked. Erwin could only manage a whimper and and a nod.

Levi took his hand away. It was so sudden that it almost hurt, and Erwin's knees gave out, his legs crashing back to the bed under him. Erwin gasped for air. He had stopped breathing for a few moments.

“Roll over,” Levi said. He leaned back to give Erwin enough room to do it, but Erwin needed a minute.

He opened his eyes and looked at the ceiling. The safe house seemed so much better with Levi around, and Erwin smiled. Levi patted his thigh, telling him to get moving. Erwin leaned up in bed and rolled over, careful not to accidentally kick Levi out of the small bed.

Resting on his stomach, Erwin grinded his cock down into the bed. Then, he felt Levi move up between his legs, and he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, released it trying to relax. Levi settled his cock against Erwin's ass and dragged it against Erwin's skin.

“That's for you,” Levi whispered. Erwin squeezed his eyes shut tightly and turned his head into the pillow. He raised his hips, pressing against Levi, asking for more. Levi's bare hand grabbed one of his cheeks and squeezed. “I missed this.” He thought he heard Levi gasp. “Erwin.” Erwin nodded into the pillow, encouraging him to keep going. Levi leaned back.

Erwin heard the top of the lube bottle pop. He clenched, sheer anticipation. But he turned his head from the pillow and took another breath. When he exhaled, he focused on relaxing his muscles from his toes to his shoulders.

Then, he felt one slick digit against his opening. Erwin's mouth fell open, and his eyebrows furrowed. He wanted it. Even pressed back towards it. Levi pushed forward. With the first press, Levi found Erwin's prostate and circled his finger against it. Erwin buried his face into the pillow and practically growled, lifting his hips from the bed and pressing against Levi's hand.

He felt Levi's bare hand against his hip, gently pressing him down.

“Be good for me, baby,” Levi whispered. Erwin lowered his hips against the bed and whined into the pillow when his cock dragged against the sheets. When his hips were firmly on the bed again, Levi began moving his finger again. This time, he was circling faster, and Erwin couldn't stop moving. He moved his hips with the motion, and Levi seemed to encourage it.

Levi stopped moving his finger, and Erwin winced. He missed the motion. But he felt another finger tip against his hole, and he waited patiently, focusing on being relaxed. The second finger took more time, but Erwin stayed still. If Levi wasn't moving, he didn't want to move either.

With the second finger in place, Levi curled his fingers, and Erwin almost bent his knees, seeking more. Levi put a hand against the small of his back, and kept him down, moving his fingers inside of Erwin faster.

“I don't ever remember  you moving this much,” Levi said. Erwin couldn't hear him. He was too busy moaning into the pillow, biting the fabric, making a wet spot from the drool he couldn't swallow. After only a few more moments of curling his fingers, Levi spread his fingers out, stretching him. Erwin felt the first hint of burn, but he just leaned into it anyway. He liked the burn.

Levi added another finger so abruptly that Erwin lost his breath. He lifted his head from the pillow and automatically looked over to the camera of the phone. He could imagine how flushed and breathless he looked. Hair a mess. He wanted Levi to see him that way.

Levi didn't take long to start spreading all three fingers in Erwin, and he stopped taking his time. The desperation was too much. But when Levi tried to pull his hand back, Erwin was clenching too tightly. Levi curled his fingers against Erwin's prostate again until Erwin was loose and pliable again.

“That's it, Erwin,” Levi whispered. He pulled his fingers out easily.

Quickly, Levi pulled the glove off, inside out, and tossed it to the side of the bed. He opened the lube bottle and spread plenty of it over his cock, so much that he saw it drip to the sheets. Levi's eyes went back to Erwin, who was still writhing, waiting on him.

“Lift up and show the camera your cock,” Levi said. He watched when Erwin lifted his hips from the bed, putting his weight on his forearms. Levi leaned over and looked at Erwin cock. Swollen, flushed a deep red, and absolutely soaked at the tip. Levi reached around and wrapped his hand around Erwin's tip, feeling of the precome, spreading it around. Erwin gasped and held his breath while Levi touched him.

Levi looked to Erwin's face, which was fully concentrated on not coming.

“Lay back down,” Levi said when he took his hand away. Erwin laid back down, practically melted into the mattress, and pressed his face into the pillow.

As soon as he was back down on the bed, Erwin felt the head of Levi's cock against his hole. He took another breath, relaxed, and he felt Levi press inside of him. The first pass missed his prostate, but Levi did that purposely.

When he felt Levi sink into him to the base, Erwin bit the pillow and groaned into the cotton.

“Erwin,” Levi breathed. Then, he pulled out, dragged his head against Erwin's prostate before he pressed in again. Erwin felt the heat spread under him on the bed, and he wondered just how much he had soaked the sheets. Levi lost all patience, and Erwin teeth released the pillow. He couldn't stop the sounds pouring from him mouth. Levi put his hands on Erwin's back and dragged his nails down the skin, leaving red welts. Erwin's face lifted from the pillow.

“Fuck, Levi,” Erwin breathed.

“I love it when you say that,” Levi said before he grabbed Erwin's hips. Levi increased the pace, groaned loudly enough that it filled the room. Erwin would have said it again, but he couldn't.

The bed was shaking too hard, and with every thrust, Erwin's cock was pressed down into the sheets. Erwin pushed the pillow out the way, laid his head on the mattress, and lifted his hips to meet Levi. The frantic rhythm began, and Erwin didn't try to stop himself when he felt the need. He froze under Levi, involuntarily trembling, trying to curse and failing, when he felt the wet heat spread under him on the sheet. He said Levi's name again, but he barely had the breath to make the full sound.

Levi pressed down into him harder. Erwin opened his eyes, couldn't see straight, shut them again, waiting for what he wanted most. Levi's pace slowed down, shuddering on top of him, and Erwin felt Levi come. He memorized the sound, the breath followed by a deep groan, and gasping for air. The bed shook when Levi dropped his hands down to either side of Erwin to catch himself.

Erwin smiled, content with all of it. All of it was worth it. He felt Levi slowly lower himself, pressing his forehead against Erwin's spine and resting. Obsessively, Erwin counted every heavy breath that Levi released against his back, trying to capture the moment in any way possible. Erwin opened his eyes again and could see a little better. Levi pressed his forehead into Erwin's back a bit harder, and Erwin wasn't sure what to think of that. Normally, Levi didn't show a lot of affection afterwards.

Erwin reached up behind himself and felt for Levi's hair. Reaching for Levi's hair was too far, but Levi must have felt him move, because he felt Levi's fingers lacing with his own. He found Levi's thumb and stroked it with his own. Levi tightened the hold of their hands, and Erwin winced. The extra touches, the hand holding, it all felt like goodbye.

Levi leaned up, breaking their handhold, and pulling his hips back. When Erwin felt Levi pull out, he looked back at him.  Levi tapped Erwin's leg, telling him to move it. Erwin picked up his leg, rolled over on his side, and Levi moved up further in the bed. Erwin furrowed his eyebrows with curiosity when Levi didn't immediately run to the bathroom to clean up. That wasn't usual. Levi laid down on his side facing Erwin. The bed wasn't big enough to lay on their backs. It wasn't nearly as comfortable as the king sized bed their old home, which was now property of the FBI. Levi pulled him close, and Erwin put his face in the crook of Levi's neck again, opening his mouth to press kisses against Levi's skin. Then, he felt Levi plant kisses in his hair, and Erwin's heart ached. Erwin wrapped one arm around Levi's waist and pulled him as close as possible.

Erwin wanted to suspend the moment. He could be perfectly happy to lay in that bed, filthy and wet, for the rest of his life if it meant that they didn't have to be apart.

Levi leaned back and pressed kisses to every part of Erwin's face. Erwin laid in place, not used to that type of attention. He even leaned back with some uncertainty. But Levi held onto him, planting more kisses on his skin. Suddenly, he stopped.

“Look at me,” Levi said. He didn't take his hands away. Erwin looked into Levi's eyes, and he saw something that he hadn't expected or wanted. Levi was never afraid of anything. And he was hardly ever worried. But Erwin saw what he imagined was as close to fear as Levi could ever feel. Levi's eyes scanned Erwin's face, and Erwin knew that Levi was taking some kind of final look.

That's when Levi remembered that his phone was still recording. He rolled over a bit, reached behind him, and grabbed the phone. He stopped the recording and put the phone back down on the nightstand.

When Levi turned his attention back to Erwin, the fear had gone away and the determination had come back.

“Erwin,” Levi said. “Do you trust me?” Erwin furrowed his eyebrows.

“More than anyone,” Erwin said. He meant it. He trusted Levi more than Mike. More than his own father. Levi nodded, the concern faded in and out of his face.

“Our flight is in five hours.”

“Our flight?” Erwin asked.

“I'm going with you,” Levi said.

“Le-”

“Listen,” Levi said. “You're going to be over there for five years. They'll give you two weeks off work a year. No days off, just those two weeks out of the year. One around Easter. One around Christmas.”

“Why are you going with me?”

“Because during those two weeks out of the year. We're going to see each other at least once,” Levi said. Erwin's face brightened, and he grabbed Levi again. “Wait, Erwin. Wait.” Erwin didn't listen. He pulled Levi to him and pressed kisses against Levi's neck. “Listen to me,” Levi said softly. Erwin leaned back and looked at Levi again.

“I'm listening.”

“At this point, all of the airlines have your picture I.D,” Levi said. Erwin nodded. So that meant he would have to travel some other way. Levi may have arranged for a big wooden box for him to fly in cargo, like in movies. But he still saw that deep concern in Levi's face.

“We'll make it, Levi,” Erwin said.“Whatever you've planned will work.”

“I know,” Levi said. He swallowed so heavily that Erwin saw his throat move. “If we're leaving in five hours, I need to go ahead and break your face.” Erwin felt his expression fall into complete neutrality. It was something that he and Levi both did when they were greeted with news that was less than favorable. “I'm going to break your nose, but I'll break it in a way that we can put it back in place. We'll splint it here. I've got everything I need. I made your photo I.D. really fucking hideous, and the cover is that you had really bad, cheap plastic surgery down here,” Levi said. He looked at Erwin's hair which hadn't been cut in over eight months. “You won't look anything like yourself. I need to break your nose and black your eyes.” Levi's gaze dropped back down to Erwin's eyes. “I bought you some pain pills. I need you to be conscious for the flight, but I'll try to make you comfortable.” Erwin nodded.

He realized that's where the worry in Levi's eyes had come from. Levi didn't want to hurt him. And Erwin hated that Levi had to be the one to do it. If Erwin tried to do it himself, the results would be unpredictable. In fact, if he did it himself, he knew for a fact that he would do it wrong. If Levi broke his nose and reset it, then there was a good chance that he would look normal again once he healed. There might be a permanent bump in his nose, but if that was all it took to gain eventual freedom, it was an inexpensive trade.

“Levi,” Erwin said. Levi's body stiffened against him. Ready to hear the worst, Erwin guessed. The look in Levi's eyes softened. “If this is too much, I'll just go and turn myself-”

“Do not finish that fucking sentence,” Levi said. “You're staying with me. I'm not spending half of my life in a federal prison waiting room.”

At first, Erwin wanted to argue. He didn't like the way that Levi talked about waiting on him if he went to prison. Levi could easily find a new partner. He could find someone who wasn't a criminal. Someone who didn't even know how to use a computer beyond Facebook and Googling recipes. Levi could find someone that didn't sign up to work for a terrorist organization for five years. But he also knew that Levi wasn't like other people. Levi's entire world was in his mind and in a computer. He rarely ever let anyone close to him. Even though he had lived in a house with five other people, Levi didn't allow anyone to get intimately close with him besides Erwin. For the first few weeks after he moved in, he avoided Mike and Nanaba, Hange and Moblit, completely.

But Levi allowed Erwin to get close. He let Erwin touch him. He let Erwin see him angry. Levi eventually started sleeping in Erwin's room. Erwin had even seen Levi weep once. Levi slowly started wearing less clothes around Erwin, starting with his socks, then shirts, then pants, finally naked after months. And Erwin never asked. He never pushed. Levi led the pace, and Erwin matched it.

The first night they fucked couldn't have been called making love. But it was no less ethereal for Erwin. The image of Levi's body in low light, much dimmer than the light in the safe house, was burned into Erwin's brain. He thought of Levi that way every day. Levi let Erwin see and have everything.

And Erwin didn't want to give Levi away.  

“You're my one,” Erwin said. There wasn't a beat of hesitation before Levi leaned in and pressed his lips to Erwin's. Erwin pressed back, pulling Levi closer to him. Levi broke the kiss, didn't lean back far and whispered against Erwin's mouth.

“You're my one.”

Erwin leaned forward and kissed him again, pushing his hands into Levi's hair, basking in the familiarity.

Erwin knew that he loved Levi the first time Levi offered to edit his bank hacking code to make it more random and harder to track. Erwin couldn't deny the swimming feeling in his head, the warmth in chest, the tingling in his cock as anything but love.

But he didn't know when Levi started loving him. Maybe Levi had loved the first time he had seen Erwin on a webcam, but it seemed too soon. It might have started when Levi saw what Erwin was doing and admired the work instead of turning him in to the authorities. For a while, Erwin thought it had started after they fucked the first time, but that seemed cliché, so unlike Levi. Erwin wished he knew when Levi started loving him. He guessed that Levi might not have known when it happened either.

Just before Erwin crossed the border to Mexico, Levi had kissed him and said: “You're my one.” Erwin knew what it meant the moment that Levi said it. So he repeated the phrase and kissed Levi one more time. The words meant more than love. They meant love and trust and loyalty. They were a commitment to hold onto each other through the crazy, illegal shit they did together as tightly as they could. An unspoken promise that Erwin would turn himself in if Levi ever got tired of running, and Levi be with him even if that meant a federal prison, as a civilian or an inmate, it didn't matter. Their crimes had created a tighter bond than any wedding band.

Even if they never said the words, Erwin knew that Levi loved him. Levi loved him enough to break his face.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Undercover Lover prt 10

10

Hannes wasn’t as Levi expected. Much older than Eren, the man seemed like a father figure to the now mostly unconscious Eren in the front of Levi’s car. Calling the number listed online for him, he’d had to start snapping at the receptionist before she’d take him seriously and put him through to Hannes. In his mind he didn’t quite sure what he’d conjured up about the man’s possible appearance, yet it wasn’t greying blond hair with a thin moustache, and the kind of aura you’d find radiating off the local drunk. Explaining he was in the car park with Eren Kruger, and giving a basic symptom rundown, Hannes seemed to have dropped everything to come to them, huffing and red faced as he gripped his chest.

Standing by the passenger door, Levi itched to do something. He’d held back smoking, as it seemed rude to smoke while Eren sat slumped in the seat beside him

“Levi... I assume... I’m Hannes...”

Hannes didn’t hold his hand out, Levi hadn’t wanted to shake it anyway

“He didn’t want to go to hospital. He’s been denying he’s sick”

Hannes nodded, squatting down to start examining Eren. Levi cringing in sympathy over the way Hannes’s knees cracked

“I did see him the other day. I have a fair idea what this is. He was supposed to come back and see me. You said he’s been vomiting?”

“Blood nose. Dizziness. Vomiting. Fever”

“Right. Help me get him up. Stupid damn fool. Always been a headstrong idiot”

So Hannes had known Eren for some time. Levi didn’t want to admit his alpha felt a little insulted. He nearly growled when Hannes helped him manoeuvre Eren out of the car to be supported by the two of them. He shouldn’t pry...

“You’ve known him for a while?”

“You could say that. You work for Rod?”

“Yeah. That’s how I know him”

“Ah! You must be the new hire. He mentioned he might have made a new friend. He could use a friend or two these days”

Levi’s heart went funny. The weird beat hard as his alpha puffed itself up with pride at being mentioned

“He mentioned me?”

“In passing. He mentioned it was nice not to be the newbie anymore”

Oh... was that all? Levi didn’t really want to talk about it anymore. Eren called him a friend, but he was hardly winning any awards. The brat probably trying to be polite

“Someone’s gotta be saddled with the shitty jobs. Where are we taking him?”

“I left the wheelchair at the door. I’ll take him through once we get there”

With Eren wheeled away from him, Levi was left in the emergency department. Hannes might be his... primary physician? but the man had no sway in the ED. Wearing a mask, like everyone else waiting, Levi supposed it was best they all were given he could smell the anger rolling off him at the situation. Masks were mandatory seeing so many people passed through and not everyone used products to cancel their scent. He’d been in too many emergency departments, seen too many shitty things. The place always bring up bad memories he wished time would hurry up and eradicate from his mind. The sooner Hannes came back to him, the better he’d feel about the situation. Erwin still hadn’t messaged him back, Levi staring at the phone screen half hoping he wouldn’t. He should have trusted Eren to tell him in his own time...

Left in the waiting room until his phone was barely hanging on at 3 percent, Hannes finally came out through the door seperate by the emergency department from the waiting room. The man scrubbing his face tiredly. Levi jumping to his feet, before correcting himself, trying not to look too worried for a man he barely knew. The last time he’d been this worried and worked up was when Farlan and Isabel had rolled their piece of shit car just after Isabel got her licence

“How is he?”

Sighing heavily, Hannes rubbed his face again. Levi semi wanting to shake him for sighing and not answering immediately. Obviously the man cared a lot for Eren

“He’ll be out this afternoon. Refuses to take time off work...”

That was fine and all, but that didn’t tell him what was wrong with Eren

“And?! He’s been sick for weeks”

Hannes chuckled. Levi supposed he had sounded a little whiny

“He’ll be fine. A bacterial infection, nothing antibiotics won’t knock on the head. We’ll monitor him for a few hours and if he’s doing better, he’ll be released. He’s been avoiding come back in since his medical. Now, do you have a few moments? I’d like to ask you more about how Eren is doing these days”

Unable to cast a glance back past Hannes without either leaning sideways or standing tip toe, Levi guessed he wouldn’t be seeing Eren again for the day

“I... don’t know if should”

“Humour an old man? I’ve known Eren since he was born, but he doesn’t open up much. Won’t talk about work or what he’s gotten himself into now”

Levi didn’t want to invade Eren’s privacy, buuuuut, he also wanted to know more about him, and not just what Erwin found out

“I suppose I can spare a little more time”

“Excellent. I had assumed you’d be the one taking Eren home, but not to worry. Thankfully I had a mostly clear schedule this afternoon, I’ll show you through to my office”

Great. He didn’t mind taking Eren home. Eren would probably protest and snark. At least the infection had been found and he’d be treated for it... Provided the kid could look after himself enough to take the shitty medication prescribed.

“Lead the way”

*

Hannes’s office suit was modest. A few drooping plants sat between blue waiting chairs. The walls decorated with outdated inspirational quotes. Waving at his rising receptionist, the woman dropped back down as Levi trailed after Hannes

“Just through here, it’s a bit of a walk. No one practices out of hospitals these days like they used to”

The alpha had no response for that. He had the feeling Hannes wasn’t an ordinary GP, which was confirmed when he stepped into the examination room and was confronted with all sorts of posters about beta dynamics

“Take a seat. Scotch or... scotch?”

Frowning heavily, Levi knew for a fact doctors weren’t supposed to be drinking at work. Hannes laughing at his expression

“Late nights can get pretty boring. I take it that’s a no?”

“I’m alright, thank you”

“You can take your mask off. We’ve got scent cancellers in the room”

He’d rather keep his mask on. The place might be organised, but who knew how many germs were slithering across the surfaces in the room. Still, he was the one that’d followed Hannes, he should at least be civil. Taking the mask off, he stuffed it in his pocket, the air indeed devoid of most scents, but he was struck by how strongly his own scent was flowing off him. He smelt worried, setting off his alpha despite the fact it was own scent.

Pouring himself a shot of scotch, Hannes quickly downed it before placing the bottle and glass away in the bottom drawer of his desk

“That’s better. Now, Levi, tell me how you know Eren”

“I met him at the garage. He was stuck babysitting me”

The pout in his tone was clear, Hannes chuckling

“You’re the new hire. He said as much. Does he do a good job?”

“He takes pride in what he does. No one works as much, or as hard, as he does”

Levi felt pride in how hard Eren worked. He could slack off, but instead he put everything he had into the garage

“He’s always been like that. He was never the best and brightest, but what he lacked he made up for in determination. Has he spoken of his past?”

“He tends not to”

Eren was a mystery in so many ways. For instance why he was drawn to the man who was ridiculously fucking tall in comparison

“Ah. Well. I suppose with a past like his... He’s not one to open up about what he wants. Hell, we’ve all tried to support him, but he insists on going it alone...”

Levi nodded

“Yeah. He’s been fucking sick for weeks. Wouldn’t listen to anyone about it”

“Hmmm... And the garage?”

“He’s been coming to work, if that’s what you mean?”

“I mean does he get along with the alphas there?”

What kind of a question was that?

“You’re always going to have a pissing match when you’ve got a group of alphas. I wouldn’t say he’s close to anyone”

“He’s close to you”

“That’s because he got stuck showing me the ropes”

“And did those ropes involve the two of you ending up in bed?”

Levi spluttered. How the fuck did Hannes know about that?!

“I suspected it was you. I caught your scent on him when he came in for his medical”

Fucking sprung

“That was a drunken accident. Neither of us know how it happened”

A strange expression crossed Hannes’s face, the man turning his attention to his computer. If he had something to say, he should just spit it out rather than pussyfooting around

“Look, you dragged me here to ask me about Eren, knowing as much as you did. Isn’t it about time you told me what was going on!?”

“I’m afraid that’s for Eren to explain. I will tel you there’s been a shift in his dynamic since meeting you. That’s to be expected when a dominant alpha comes into the workplace. Do you mind if I take a swab of your glands?”

“Do you mind if I tell you to fuck off if you’re going to keep evading my questions?”

Most people would have been upset, Hannes laughing almost merrily

“Oh, I can see why you two get along. Look, Eren has a complicated past. He’s not one to get close to anyone anymore. He’s been dumped and cheated on, been accused of some pretty serious stuff. I’d like to know more about the man he’s gotten close to”

Levi felt instant anger. If you weren’t happy in a relationship then the only logical thing to do was leave, not fucking sleep around

“There isn’t romantic there, if that’s what you’re reply”

“I’m hoping for his happiness. I know the garage isn’t exactly legal. I know the kinds of people Rod employees, and I know Eren keeps saying he only needs to stick it out a few more months, but I care about him like he was a son. Do you see where I’m going with this?”

“You don’t want a ruffian like me fucking him up”

“There’s that. For a beta, Eren has an unusual constitution. He’ll never ask for anything, leaving him to be fucked over when things go wrong. I’m honestly relieved he’s found someone to be there”

Eren was a beta? That made no sense. Beta’s didn’t hiss or growl. Nor did they leak scent... He must be a beta-alpha who’d slid closer towards beta on the scale. Without scent cancellers, the slide in dynamics was pretty common until people became bonded with their partner

“So this change in dynamic, is it physically affecting him?

“More so than I’ve ever seen...”

Levi’s stomach dropped. His presence clearly making Eren ill, and Eren hadn’t said a damn thing. Hannes continuing

“... that’s why I’d like to swab your scent glands, with permission”

Levi had had no clue. No clue he was making Eren sick... Did Eren know? Was there more to this than a claimed “infection”? Like the change in dynamic had left his immune system weakened? Levi had always been a dominant alpha since he’d presented, not that people could usually tell from his short stature. Normally he wouldn’t be so ruffled, yet this was the first time he’d known his presence to make anyone physically ill. His alpha felt stricken to the point of near dramatics over this turn in events

“I didn’t... I didn’t know. I use cancellers...”

“I’m sure you do, but they can also be rendered ineffective on some dominant alphas”

“Uh. Yeah. I mean, if it’ll help him out...”

“Excellent. Now, this won’t hurt a bit. I’ll get it out the way and send it off for processing, then we can kick back until they let me know it’s time for Eren to be released”

Wait? How was being around him going to make Eren feel any better?

“Should... I really be around him if I make him ill?”

“I can’t let him go home alone. He’ll need rest and plenty of fluids. I’ll also need to give you a letter to hand to Rod to explain Eren’s absence. Rod might think him violent, but I’m sure there’s more to the story than what meets the eye”

“Is that something to do with Eren’s past?”

Hannes seemed flustered at Levi pulling him up

“Ah, I’ve said too much. You’re best off talking to him, but don’t be to surprised if he brushes it off. He seems to be the only one who knows anything about what actually happened, and tabloids always blow things out of proportion. You can’t always rely on what’s reported. Think of it as doing this old man a favour”

He didn’t owe Hannes anything. Nor was he about to do him a favour. Having Eren now pushed onto him, that’d mean taking Eren back to his apartment as there was no way the beta was handling stairs in his condition. No. He’d do Eren the favour and repay his kindness that first night, but Hannes had nothing to do with it. As it was, he really shouldn’t be consenting to anything

“Tch. Fine. Let’s just get this shitty test out the way”

[roxi4]

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2019. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

Thank you so much for tagging me, @prince-rivailles!! Ahh! Am so speechless! Thank you! +.+ I’m going to assume I can do May 2019-May 2020? Probably completely wrong lmao But it’s been so long since 2019.

I only write fics, so here’s five that I had loads of fun to write! I wish I could write more often! I have so many ideas that I want to get onto paper! But unfortunately work and other irl commitments burns me out real hard T.T

1.  Have You Ever Watched Porn? - My first ever uploaded eruri! Had such a blast writing them as high school seniors! Was originally written for bottom!Erwin week!

2.  Searching For His Commander - Another eruri! It was the first time I ever attempted writing angst! It’s about reincarnated Levi who tries to find Erwin! Have yet to still finish it!

3.  Take A Chance - I love dilf!Levi so much and have always wanted to give him a try! I was inspired by a karaoke night with my friends! We love to sing karaoke - especially abba and all other timeless classics - so of course I did a take on ‘does your mother know.’

4.  Significant Gift - Based on a grindr prompt, hilariously enough! Loved writing Aussie rirens! Will definitely have more Aussie and Kiwi rirens in the future! ^.^

5.  Chocolate Frogs and Liquorice Wands - Hogwarts x reincarnation au! Someday I’m going to finish this because I had so many plans for it! Binged watched the entirety of the hp movies for it and honestly, it was so much fun to write as well!

I don’t know who to tag!!!? There’s so many talented creators in this fandom! Ahh!!! @dreamy-heichou, @flamoria, @ackryeagrs, @chenziee, @fluffyboots, @oekakiuma, @zedsdead1001, and @im-eren-jaeger-sexual!

[i-heart-danchou]

Permanent

Hey gang, thanks for sticking it out!  This is for the bottom Erwin week prompt Scars/Bites/Markings!  Trigger warning, this one does contain a brief mention of child sex abuse (nothing explicit).  

---------------

In a lot of ways, Erwin was a very private man.  To most people, he was Commander Erwin Smith, the ruthless, brilliant, somewhat unpredictable leader of the least popular branch of the military.  He was always poised, intelligent, well put together, charismatic and inspirational.  It was a mask that he wore at all times in public, and it served him well.  

One thing which Levi had always admired about Erwin though, was that although he was in many ways reserved, he was also honest and forthright.  It was easy to trust him, to believe in him, to follow him.

Still, he didn’t like to burden other people with his troubles, and Levi knew just how much he shouldered on his own without complaining.  As their relationship became more intimate, Levi found himself wanting Erwin to open up a little more.  He wanted to help him manage the dark shadows around his heart.  It started as a game.  Levi would give him some of the best sex he’d ever had, and gaze at him under the warm light of the candles.   He’d scan his skin for imperfections, run his fingers along the thin red lines, and demand an explanation. 

The first time it happened was sweet, actually.  Erwin’s hair had fallen out of its perfectly coifed state during a particularly enthusiastic coitus as Levi took him from behind, and afterwards Levi had tried to gently brush his hair back into place.  The scar was a thin one, an old one, but one that he’d never really noticed before, just kissing the edge of a glorious eyebrow.  “Erwin?  Where’d you get this scar?”

They hadn’t been dating long, and perhaps Erwin wanted to play the story up a little bit.  “Alright, I want you to imagine me as a newly graduated cadet.  Top ten of my class, unbearably adorable, bright shiny eyes full of dreams for the future.”

“So some smelly punk kid full of bullshit, yeah.”

Erwin huffed a laugh.  “No I was a flaxen haired angel and you wouldn’t have been able to keep your hands off me.”  He pointed out Levi’s hands which were still caressing his skin.  “Anyway it was my first mission, I wasn’t really sure what to expect.  Titans, obviously, but I wasn’t sure how I would fare.  I knew as well as anyone that a scout was most likely to die on his first outing.”  

Levi was quiet and respectful as Erwin’s tone went more serious, and he listened intently to the tale.  

“We got ambushed by an abnormal.  I was thrown off my horse and cut my forehead on a rock, I think.  I’m lucky I didn’t get a concussion.  I was disoriented, and I couldn’t figure out why the thing wasn’t eating me.”  Erwin’s voice was somber.  “It had gotten one of my squad mates.  I couldn’t help, he was already dead by the time I realized.  He gave me enough time to get away.”

Levi kissed Erwin’s jaw.  “You did well to survive.”  He told him.  “You’re good at that.  It’s nice to be able to trust that you can take care of yourself.”  He grabbed Erwin’s hand.  “What about this one?” “This one on my right hand?  This one that you gave me when we met?” Levi nodded, kissing the slightly paler skin. 

“I’d just recruited an incredible young man to the SC.  He and I were at odds at times, but I really respected him.  After a tragic loss, his temper flared and he drew his blade on me, intent to kill in his eyes.”  Erwin kissed Levi’s hair.  “I didn’t want to fight him.  He was too good, he was too valuable.  I wanted him to see the beautiful future we could carve together.  This scar reminds me of how much I respect that man.  How lucky I am to have found him.” “Suck up.”  Levi sounded pleased.    

Erwin smiled then, and squeezed his hand.  Levi hoped very much he was feeling at peace.

**

He asked about Erwin’s scars whenever he felt the other man was struggling with his burdens, or whenever a new injury added itself to Erwin’s repertoire.  The chats gave Erwin a chance to work through his trauma, to explore the circumstance of his injuries, and to come to terms with them.  

Sometimes the conversations were sweet, like the story of the scar Erwin got when his father was teaching him to ride a horse.  He’d tripped on the way into the barn and scraped his knee quite badly, and his father had gotten him a pink juicy peach and made a big fuss over him all day.  

Sometimes the conversations taught Levi something he’d never known about Erwin.. like that after his father had died, he’d been passed around different relatives who didn’t want him.  How one of them had beaten him with a belt, how he’d joined the military the moment he turned twelve to get away from him.

Erwin’s quiet strength impressed Levi, and he told him so at the end of each story.  “It’s amazing you’re not more like Eren.”  He muttered one day after hearing of Erwin’s troubled past.

“What do you mean?”  

“You both lost your parents.  You both had your lives seriously disrupted by forces outside your control.  You both joined the military young cause you had no choice.  Yet all I see in him is rage.”  He looked into Erwin’s eyes.  “You remember your father with fondness and love.  You’re not bitter about what happened to you.  You took your trauma on board and it made you stronger.  Better.  I really respect that, Erwin.”

Erwin’s smile was bright and warm, and Levi’s heart was singing.

**

Sometimes Erwin tried to ask Levi about his scars too, but Levi didn’t really like to go down that avenue of discussion.  It hadn’t gone well the first time.  

“Levi?”  He laced their fingers together.  “Where did you get this scar?” Erwin gestured to a faint line around Levi’s wrist.  

“Oh.  Before my mom died she got real sick one year and couldn’t pay off a debt.  The whorehouse owner kept me chained up while I paid off the money.  One of the guys gave me medicine for her, I was really glad.”  

Erwin looked truly horrified.  “How.. how old were you?”

Levi shrugged.  “I dunno, seven?  It’s hard to keep track.  I never told my mother how we got the money.”  He rolled his eyes.  “Don’t give me that look.  It’s fine, they’re all dead now.”

Erwin didn’t let the matter go, and much of the evening was spent discussing Levi’s objectively horrific childhood.  After that first instance, Levi made a point to keep his own stories simple.  He didn’t want Erwin to compare their traumas, nor to feel his were any less valid.  So the next time Erwin asked about one of his scars, he just shrugged and gave a simple answer.  “Knife fight.”  “Bastard talked back.”  “Your stupid plan.”

Eventually Erwin stopped asking.  

**

Levi got into the habit of asking about scars whose origin he already knew too well.  Erwin bore his wounds with dignity and class, but Levi doubted he was handling things as well as he appeared.  His perfect commander mask stayed in place always, but after he’d lost his arm, Erwin… changed, a little.  He’d always been vulnerable to self doubt and depression but… it was worse, recently.

He was just about ready to return to work after losing his arm, and Levi was curled up against him in bed.  Erwin had suggested sex, and Levi had turned him down since he didn’t want to take any chances with opening his wounds again.  He was healing well, but it had been very touch and go for a while.  

“Erwin?”  Levi asked quietly.  “How did you get this scar?”  His little hand gently caressed what was left of Erwin’s deltoid, stopping as he reached the frayed edges of his bandage.  

“Levi… you know what happened.”  Erwin sounded far away.

“I want you to tell me anyway.”

Erwin breathed in through his nose.  “Reiner and Bertholt had Eren.  They were making a break for it, and there was no way to get Eren back with Reiner’s armor in the way.   I thought of what we could do, what weapons that we had at our disposal that could possibly be effective against his armor and it hit me.  Titans.”  Erwin swallowed and looked at his stump.  “I took as many of the men as I could and led a charge to round the titans up, to use them as a weapon.  We’d overwhelm Reiner with numbers, he’d be forced to use his hands to defend himself, and we could get Eren back.”  He swallowed.  “I had my arm outstretched.  I never thought of how dangerous that was before, especially when the titans were so densely packed together.  I didn’t see the one that got me, it was hidden by some trees.”

There was a thin sheen of sweat on Erwin’s forehead, and Levi kissed his cheek.  “All of a sudden I was off my horse, blinded with pain.  It bit down to the bone and just held me like that, shaking me like a chew toy.  I could feel my bone splintering, my blood was all over my face, I couldn’t get away.  The men hesitated, and I urged them on.  We couldn’t miss this chance, not for something so replaceable.”

Levi frowned.  “You’re not replaceable. You’re brilliant.  You are humanity’s hope, and we’d be screwed without you.”

Erwin managed a little smile.  “I don’t know about that.”  He licked his lips.  “Two soldiers came for me.  One killed the titan, the other helped me sever my own arm at the bone.  He hesitated, he had to strike me more than once.  It was extremely unpleasant.”

That detail was one which hadn’t been shared with Levi before, and he squeezed Erwin tight.  He wished that he’d been there.  Erwin never would have been hurt if he’d been there.  

“I couldn’t tie a tourniquet on my own, so they made one up for me.  I lost a lot of blood, it was hard to stand.”

Erwin was going to leave the story at that, but Levi wouldn’t let him.  “And even so, you single handedly— shit, I mean— you know— your crazy plan worked and you got Eren back.  You lead everyone home to safety, and you did it like a badass.  You saved the day.”

“And got dozens of men killed.”  He swallowed thickly.  “I don’t get it, Levi.  Why do I keep surviving?  A man came to help me and he got eaten in front of me, screaming for me to help.  I couldn’t move, I couldn’t fight, I could barely stay on my horse.  I shouldn’t be here.”

“But you are.”  Levi swore to him.  “And I’m glad.  I’m so glad.  I would be lost without you.”

**

Admittedly, Levi couldn’t always see there Erwin’s plans were headed, but he trusted him and did whatever Erwin asked.  So when Erwin asked for his help to take down the government, he had no objections in particular.  Things went as well as could be expected, but Levi was truly, truly horrified to hear that his commander had been sentenced to death.

Although the military takeover went just fine, he was more horrified still to see the state of Erwin’s face by the time they were finally reunited.  It was dark, and at first Levi couldn’t appreciate the extent of the damage.  

Once things were a bit more settled and the sun rose, Levi assessed his love.  His face was swollen to hell, there were bruises on his wrist and neck and fuck knows where else.  He’d been tortured, badly tortured, and he was acting like nothing was wrong.

It was all Levi could do not to strip him down and examine him right then and there.  He was angry that Erwin had been subject to such abuse, angrier still that once again he hadn’t been there to protect him.  He kept a distance and was even a bit snippy with Erwin that day, until they found some private time together that night.  

Levi took his time and slowly stripped Erwin down, brows pinching a little more as each cut, scrape and bruise was revealed.  He’d been beaten.  He’d been burned.  Levi wasn’t sure what else and it made him sick.  “Open your mouth.”  He ordered.  “Let me see.”

Erwin gave Levi a look before obligingly opening his mouth.  All of his teeth were still there, mild swelling around his lip, some of the cheek… could be worse.  His fingernails were all there too, and prison rape didn’t really seem to be the MPs style… not the above ground one, anyway.  

Levi made a cool compress and placed it against Erwin’s eye.  “You look like a titan.  All swollen and goofy.  You should be more careful or people will stop calling you commander handsome.”

Erwin winced slightly as pressure was applied to his face, but he lay down in Levi’s lap and shut his eyes.  “Noted.  You did well today, thank you.”

Levi stroked Erwin’s forehead.   “And you took over the government without killing anyone.  No biggie.”  He sighed.  “Erwin?  Do you want to tell me about how you got these scars?”

A look of genuine pain crossed Erwin’s features.  “Levi…”

“You don’t have to.”  Levi reminded him.  “But I want to know.  I want to help you heal.”

Erwin snuggled into Levi’s thigh.  He spoke in a detached way and didn’t make eye contact.  Levi was startled to hear Erwin focus not on the physical torture he endured, in fact that had been one of the easier parts of their separation… instead, he focused on the war that still raged in his mind.  If he had doomed humanity through his actions.  

“I had a long carriage ride with Zackley.”  He continued, his voice strained.  “We’re the same.”  

Levi didn’t know Zackley that well, but he sure as fuck didn’t like him.  Erwin was vulnerable after his injury and torture, perhaps more still because he hadn’t had a proper rest since he’d become commander.  The man had gotten into his head.  Erwin’s mask was starting to break, and Levi wasn’t sure how much more it could withstand.

**

Levi shut the wooden door behind him, keeping his back flush against it as he caught his breath.  Fuck.  Erwin’s blood had soaked into his clothes and the chill from it was horrific and upsetting.  He appreciated the distraction though, from the crushing reality which he now faced.

A life without Erwin.

Levi had been there this time.  He’d been with Erwin and he couldn’t protect him.  Nothing felt real yet, and nothing felt right. 

Erwin Smith lay on the neat little bed in front of him, his skin pale, his blood leaking out onto the mattress, his hair all mussed up.  Levi swallowed.  This wouldn’t do.  Erwin hated to look unkempt.  As gently and carefully as he could, Levi straightened out his uniform, brushed the dirt off his skin and ensured his bolo tie was gleaming.  He brushed Erwin’s hair back with his fingers, and smoothed it out the way he’d liked it.

Lastly he put Erwin’s hand over his chest in salute, ever the brilliant, dedicated commander.  He hoped that Erwin would be remembered like this.  

Levi let out a shuddering breath and knelt beside Erwin on the floor, placing his hand over Erwin’s.  

“Erwin?”  His voice was small and it fucking hurt to talk.  “Do… you wanna know how you got this scar?” He didn’t touch the wounded area, perhaps out of fear for hurting Erwin even now, but he gestured to it.  

“You were brave.  You were selfless.  You led the Survey Corps to victory and everyone is so proud of you.  You faced your fears and you gave up your dreams for us.  We couldn’t have done it without you.  Any of it.  You got this scar because you’re amazing.  You got this scar because you’re the best humanity has to offer.”  He bit his lip.  “You got this scar because you won.”

He ran his hand up Erwin’s arm and stopped at the pearl of blood which had soaked through his sleeve from where Levi had had the needle in.  “And… you got this one because I love you.”  He kissed Erwin’s cheek and pressed their foreheads together.  “Because I want you to be free.  Because you deserved better.”  

He kissed Erwin one last time and covered his face with his cloak.  His eyes were dull and empty, and he wondered whether the scar on his heart would kill him.