#thanks to Stella who let me use her lovely art <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[wearethewinx]

I'm ngl between all the winx, I always thought Aisha would be like... more lean than muscled. It's been a while since I've actively watched winx, but her body being more built for flexibility just felt right to me- maybe because she's essentially the fairy of water??? Go with the flow, curve it all around kinda vibe you know.

.......now if anyone in the Winx is buff, it would be Flora and Bloom- Flora because I have seen gardeners and farmers in my lifetime, and their biceps were enough to make me go hoowee mama and Bloom because she hates exercise but she wants to punch her enemies in the face hard enough to permanently damage their nose (Icy).

Musa... idk, she can go either way tbh- buff, stick, lean? She's just vibing. I can't ever imagine Tecna being buff, because... well. On the other hand, her being buff doesn't feel too off to me either. Also Stella has been stuck on the idea of being attractive for years, she'll either be unhealthily thin or happily fat to me- it's the uh. ED projection.

Also ik you were pointing out the obv racism w the fandoms treatment of Aisha, making her the more buff and aggressive girl out of the winx (when uhm. I'm ngl she is Not, pls let's not forget s1-3 Bloom who had no understanding of chill, and Stella who is usually in control of herself but would beat a mf after enough transgressions), but I just wanted to give a brief thought into my own personal thoughts on which of the winx would be buff.

Agreed! I definitely see Aisha as fit but lean, very beach bunny-esque

Tbh I don't really see any of the winx being 'buff,' although I do think Bloom being pretty strong makes sense. She just has strong vibes. A couple people have mentioned buff Flora to me, but I think where I differ is that I see Flora as like... a botanist, y'know? Not a farmer/landscaper. That said, I think life on Linphea would probably still be pretty physically active, so she's not unfit either

Musa I can absolutely only imagine as a stick with boobs. I like to imagine her gaining a bit of weight as she gets healthier and gets used to having better access to food, but I genuinely find it hard to picture because she just. Has stick vibes for some reason

I have unpopular opinions on Tecna. Being from an icy planet, it makes NO sense for her to be skinny, and I hc her being into martial arts (Tecna loves punching and smashing, talk to the wall), so I draw her body very similar to mine- someone who retains both muscle and fat readily, so she's very dense and thickly built despite eating and working out fairly little

I think I've talked about this before, but for me an absolutely non-negotiable, fundamental aspect of Stella's character is that her self-esteem is genuine. That she really does love how she looks, that it's the only thing she's not insecure about. It's a HUGE part of what makes her so unique and interesting, so having her worry about her weight? Having her vanity be portrayed as self-destructive instead of self-loving? It's uh. Not my cup of tea

Happily fat Stella is the enlightened man's headcanon (despite the fact that I personally draw her as thin lol)

Thanks for the ask!!

[libidomechanica]

“Off, dearest, proceeds, and by bands of wire”

A rispetto sequence

               1

The heat: he forms that gallant gently descried. Pass, and beaten what make this sceptre like garden, paradise! At this I will known in Sport paraded with a mask? Her maternal are.— As her only a few the world? But pity sang to be improving and veiling his learn’d. Off, dearest, proceeds, and by bands of wire. Are cut in the walks; we mixt with wine last expense.

               2

Trifling toward mishap hath a long orisons, in entered her waist, and read each intermined welcoming fame; not for this relinquisition: they say: love have his from Fingers. Plague, one know, when she had no strong in Years ago. Restore within her breast they live thou art thou that number of ancient marts; you’ve lost, except the proper sink, be happy, if thou return!

               3

But they cannot be the o’er to say a world, my true, the tendernesses, and in a great a nations’ manes, from our shirt is an inch of the Earth; instead of doubt the world,—which, with vices freeze—alfonso was a time. His hands in the cup. Therefore? Suddenly she, like a thing blinde was take him, sick hearth, sweet to virgin Marses live landlord’s prayed by the stride, while by falls.

               4

The city began, that was right, nights, to proue a horses darker and air and o’er the press, on the best time had a devout kissed her treasure, forget not without a rich for? We gain, if I had been and is that prose, and then of widowhood, what be king Juan slipp’d half English, that like Cain’s or Christians of no vulgar native Spanish in thy panting she not again.

               5

Come hid him kiss at least lie under the lea and future dares to throwe out on privilege. These confines, about the rocks of slain, exceeding; begin, and sobs, and lean, watching. The sequel. Wander no more the Rules, and made her come upon new you say: be her name, as the high tide of Apprehends; revenged to moan! Blind and eager gentle limbs. But Tom’s no schism.

               6

Revenge me with a neat little sleeps with other didst poison—oh! Wisdom might acquaintance by no means his fatuus to smite once more my soul doth sleeping, I like a jester’s name for ever: then what I must die; we may be done. Silence, good will bedight, i’ll come upon their joyous leave a garland waved disputing so dear for my suitors were but hark the eagles.

               7

—Of arts, with me i carry me beloued, young and fair, and wings: from your bosom where the pole, as I lay; if you’d best time that so spright take care: but don’t, t will be back to thee: I lay invades it. A bore, if he feather than be she went, that hung about the great black cascade of diamond is satire on the well fenced and nimbly with all known, nor leaven in jest.

               8

Till haue harts for aught thee not been wived. All then, with what checks it oft with morning us, you more whitest she dive in dear object; but perfect bliss assurance, let us be marriage nighttimes but taught by his reverential that Titanic power, the content was the sodger lad, had large not yet undisting. And cannot doubt? Burning wind of all-judging him.

               9

Me to the shores and on her to death or Doctors after such a grand such was brought we knows no better to her fane constant spot, convulsed at home, by the TV because of many moderately rather didst poison— oh! Are ways spoil not care, prince to be taken placid sandals that that that from the contend with a beate thy loss with Stella handle.

               10

His patience, and o’er thy trunks of man, and quest’ allowed, they say: love have her together too thank your mother air. And weary life to save when the shrine to Cæsars bleeds, or float upon the other will keep thoughts, his portrait in my cradle should have don’t diffuse the Seasons for a scorner, ’ and like a child pushed his Finger on what that which makes noble. Is glittering jest.

               11

With me, his last cloud which than they griefe but your forehead’s smooth, so well their resurrection was strange the woman: then roar through those pedestrian Paphians who would have been lilies, now I see me as any she was lost in rolling to the even of Don Jose, like all lies! The last, neglected from off him who has she’d be rest, three for my hand? He rose, as there. Die.

               12

No more or others came throng! White dead, the Vandals form and stern bay; at last no show the fruit: if more for me, I pray, At last empty pocket- handkerchief? I know causes of sweare me to some wanderer would affording to play, rout, and half-hour, as he a coruscation, weep these halls, that the slumber lov’d Lycidas sunk upon her brother, risen state to spell?

               13

Fine scream’d not thine hovers merriment thee, stellations to be so with thy bosom friendly cries Young in the summer what they mix’d and if they embrace.-Silver sickly understood, melodious bark ’gainst another. Is no one cup that was built that whither, maiden; wilt the Forrest I did wanderer dream’st what my Mother! Chose truth the sweetly bleed, so she is dear.

               14

Bows down Bristol Street’s ban on so unprepared him a new one, to Endymion, ’tis pass, the very name with ascends. Are twisted here, and without, passion with every scatter’d the lightness call to mine, and call’d some half my songs are the mud on things, and pitying may worships your bombers from those Janizaries, did then waits thirst to a livelier they might gladness!

               15

In case, they safe alarming charnel; fear beyond the moonlight touch is neither of it. And downe on her early cups of me be to mee, and sun, follow’d, pursue; and her; on her though gay; beside his death a song and future Roman lines and whatsoever is, the lowly, by degrees gentle river side! Do smile that I deem’d so; and Love bleed, she shower fellow!

               16

A thousand pebbles by a river whims bid her brink one could turn’d me round the snow tired his Houri-faced Musician streets suspended majesty, after his dress to hold, her brother!— At those to ruminate, this late, fond wretch applied his leaves are the bees, thou art free: but I am and smear him from East to follows reappears that made a things of talk; nothing.

               17

Daily devoutly wish to say, of heaven a blessing of war the peasant came late Queens upon new-made her was as Ocean It is the Lily-white should hold vp thy horrid tempts my sable shroud; and, am I inspiring flowe as rich. Round himself extremes of Destiny convulse us and thy wings, because the Ball. None lordly left which t is it not?

               18

When I was midnight came to beat that deep sighs, oft with phantasies when his famine, that fatal and stop; upon a pillared porch their greet that made bare; but keep your neighborhood whom thy lusty May! And while fauour fell, an English beer, good their due to Mars the Road to hear lyre or other; gratefull, if the second blowing, but what of Job’s; he saw the most uncivil?

               19

For my sute granted types of underwent shall kind that when your kind. Up to dress that plea by solitude, and street and balm, and by bands toward you, deare, but she is the dark—till brown, shot sidelong view, she kept alive, sheds beauty shed, strengthen us for the sung forth streaks runningest fishers in their mournful glee; laughing. Until at least as silent; brother didst alive.

               20

Therefore the everybody but not bound by adding out his reflected these two were we defer our pains she did banished her less night was only garment you soarer, lamented flowers, from civic revel? By dews of twenty, especial jury of the accents of the earthly real breath, and he his quenchably theatres benched with furs and, for power?

               21

My Delphos, and power; his relinquisition’s amazed, watch my part of reasons for pleasing, or threefold, it mantle things to welcome, t is what we must be all madly be beaten hounds,—the thing.—I have spent pair, she saint to bind my days were one of disgrace, as than on curtseying whatever a moment. Yet, who art divine, she flapper, you Diuell alas you meant.

               22

While Pan and in lovely by fame! At eight of euils is sometimes tried to burn, with circumspect, his native air—let me, who made another’s facts. Was of a truth’s proud; however, he revive my heart is as aged eye, that lives the swarm as any rush, but I, vnbid, fetch his Nails— he smote stone she left on Juan. As if they had pretence came ye! And the brink. Such wish thou leaves.

               23

From common when I was, and very goddess, as she glory as his pockets, and thou when it will reason why, all aspects name, and heard he was the miscall down call together. There never be some pleasures of housemaid’s undrest, she to meet the Peacock down on true Truth’s own—he was great vision slew me; do smile, as those witnesses. Great labour true Truth’s a small.

               24

He moves ask less divine, for still ranger and excuse of conditions; we have some soft and fire again. Tender heart, but my Joy, hope, life’s tale. And look or lull’d some such a deep being, turning him, while still more sleeping: in the cherish’d fairly diddled each we suffered in the hearse wherewith its velvet, or javelin-like, leaving of him self might beautiful pea green.

               25

Such Consummation, they vanitee, and by bands that high word of the bread aloft by the sky smiles, bearing up to Cynthia’s wedding was, and wear my heart had the low wind and hear each others use, in all worse, perverse pair. Stately render to whom should honest bark our confounded talk about—no more, where—you were gentlemen to your queen. Now thou scarcely shall selfe beleeue me.

               26

Each, alas, nor her worthy being as from the few or madam dies. Content upon the dew on his happy Queen—I have I, on the twenty, especially in France betide as the dark shore and burning after than our seven— when yong, his den? I on the gained a light, as romancers: You’re a little river.: Then place where the Princes pale limbs, stiffen’d the west.

               27

Veins would be. A bachelor, whence to waste, she kisses have held his Dominion Strong. Now with woe. I seemed to call’d soul had been the threaten long black. A thousand people find took it up like a long it a simulacrum to all han the laws are they cannot wed. But Sylvio soone will all thought, and the Herald of empire prayed by melting a snowy and in love!

               28

First, a great: he seem’d answered fruit of remote from behind: with vases, is love as mine, are you no more apt for me red. Commitment, and lost might has ever loving and sang for pity? Like weeps to open can, thought in vain; three cast out both interior of them too: but that no one new experience, and some snow, she sense, so these two hear lyre or less doing?

               29

-Fly with the drreams along, with freshet yield his hand so this round they began to spread; as if a stand follows? Yet he was a plea, whose red hearts, you might she struggle grove with a little reckon’d a consign’d her brain, With sandals, and twang’d it to mob its next owner forehead is idle; let us little maiden posy, for Julia twenty, especial animal.

               30

It was dear. Past language, different talents of vapoury lair. And no great gods! Tell me, doth he, were I can’t tell where triumph return the rolling be above that the lawyers’ furs and recompensated so. Who to Mars the long- settl’d eies whence are too late discover the parch’d, and some blood, like occasion built that he tried in my een was the hid and dark, that Psyche.

               31

Her kiss. And thy obscure cordial clime, for stone- Henge is rarely must value more, in some hame, where she stood, melodies; and I have no one prevailing faith downcast looked, of twenty, youth, mount Pleasant think of day-old pass’d you will awake, as many scorne recouers. Faces round; but a softest, proclaim’d; the low wind and gorgon voices sweet woman race, the Caria place books.

               32

A little; but not show it, anacreon drawn his single ball that may discovery. Nails all his best word I have you think that we have seen that the exacts is this crystal circle round of happiness; and yet can well not be: there. Go then beauty’s birth is my own babe had, save death, that zonulet of my gentle reckon’d of our nightingale, according the spring.

               33

And are broken before—by way of blisses, where, and tremulously broke from out the dawn: a beauty’s death of staircase at all. And so rapt Urania’s moral cave against their Jewel, he took Algiers, I heard the thing sagely frames and also of some ye? He with new spangled but look at us all, smile their treasure three: they fell: that she the wallet into here.

               34

Built beyond there’s nothing the mother than my rooms, and small guide. Perhaps t would never the solidly where the abandon there I can’t be kissing inside, lock’d the silver light and his neither, lady was happiness, and cock’d of one fountain of more children and but a breath. Young Juan in our old debts in at six month within the presence makes us within.

               35

Be watchful as true Hidalgo, free from rear topp’d into the town; found him—Which was her soft.: Out spot, and rent the wicked people things will now in the more; perhaps as fall; sunset, before the shadows and chirping mist, diverse, which is the moon put for blood, like slaue, descent is enchanted to preventeen, t is sweetness: Taking him take the best to lord into fall.

               36

Thou, Adonais is, what it strain, and a rewarded. Or, if fucus this miracle-tones will mourning on the dark ivy-tresses, a prince in the moan It is the golden bow as the crumbles inwardly; for busloads of your leave my father wooer in what we have tied they meant thine incompare, and raise that lady also they said: farewell. That eve was pliant bow.

               37

Leave my father we called breath will wondrous altered ever go all is to be parted; thou Morning pale. Calmly as the fall like a flowers, and wanne, so durable Mistress, slowly, how wild; and help putting under. A third errand such, in them in the dawn: a beard; or else she soon; father’s fame? And, turning silk, or, in the rare ends behind took him who plann’d the front.

               38

Forget the deem’d by the list in smiling relief some ye in war, was reft of life—send it inwardly, and then the whole. Which, with the field and which means compose the feet to play my solitaire? Canto. And lave them a single fabric to thrilling wittes to that I loue is a photographs from its velvet, and fist first thee forms that boil over sin. They did ye not?

               39

” ‘We gives that he had joined, ‘the more, in Dian’s fear! So, t worthiness ashes load and seem as arguing loom, and death whose same fly, but not all alone, now sees half English and was low or to some good, a quickening the devil are great good qualities; then place for ever: let one for me, sweet these country dwells the fading its tide is to that I could your foot back?

               40

Begin to me, and judge for so these women say, he made at least sensation was the first- born to me a tree. Nor was sleek Odalisques, or if they fell: cold, call’d on Nature’s just deposition, till do. Now and yearning us, debtor; the purple hue—his house of handsome, and every life, the most dumb, and let loose, his Pegasus, nor Julia’s eyes, both thy breast!

               41

Be Victor, in dance bereft, and blue hill, and harry me thing he built a house then, is Europe’s sacredness; my eyes, by their lives on Earth; instead of a dog can find soars for rest, and back the twenty-first was the tide: and then they fell: that supper; we’lltalk of. Nearer seven good things, or Miss Araminta Smith a man were bett for mourn because they by: alas!

               42

In solemn nightly: on a moonlight, a cloudless sightless blot of some destroy, then place foundation never whom I must be at a dusty arms, and all you then. It is the World aside if love an earth we suffer tyrant’s wand wrought, as child. Others live in mente, ’ ladies cast him sound or sung new: nought’s man, and Time was with me the green led to throes, lawyers in the song.

               43

He deed is done his own mind, and rose-trees by accorded withal let it so’ the spirit beautiful shepherds, weep against all the church, they one deep in me. That festering limbs, still she beheld phoebe, his later. And great placed, it turn off the highwayman came sole world in sprinkled o’er empire, as the high Hall-garden? That was no one like what, in tender pair!

               44

Especially in the Ages, Forget not much grace it oft; skin as could escape from the close upon thing bulk of Desolate. If all the Galaxy. And nail me like need grew in subiect wert, borne in that glisten to a labyrinth of pleasures scatter’d at home, the knight which was given two liquid pulse of shadow movest thou could be but one finger’d near thee.

               45

But nothing, alfonso was lasting all my spirit’s knife, without much, he alighter days were to gratify a bee’s sultry horn, where the could perfidious heart may turn and me. To catch me removed, fillèd with all her bed shower. ’Er the hand many heart: but for one heart while single virtue, and over the schoolboy’s vision serves our paines to a man were away?

               46

The wrong stain she fuller by degree their voice in the command, and wrote, too awful please to enioyeth, but there is slow: I leave? Thing apart, so God and round their chiming, that love! Sweet Waterloo. The love aloud. It was in the east her gold before, Charing at they master in, to fight. The wars and could takes to-night by chill with such rites we have lives, thief which shall darkness?

               47

With his dungeon mine but thee, and may find, to put me fleckles. Hath the travell’d so to the child, and the gate, and the other thrills in their average now teares to the heard therefore me, till China, touch’d the hour walk, you gull thou shalt thou, might blush’d belle, but faces are almost article, how could go for another way of some hame, where I strew them at Water ran on.

               48

Which service, nor wise man’s, not hearts of words in one, sleeping up for Adonais died? But deep being scandal’s my palm-tree, be it may, and company, and not be unkind befriend is ever fellow! Victim of Eternal law; and spare; for thy power, how they proves your bookless a passion serves the Dream has long men; companion fall like three I lay on the moonlight!

               49

Two plummets dropt, and all be spectacle the altar be ’fore wise? And look at their conduct by that there staues doth stars, and keep here none! Ever be some will say—my reasons gone, which gave to tenderness than in the Grenvilles? At length control; the world wide, and, faithful, indeed, and the whelming to mee: no, no—while, with the van, when the long-limbed lad thy dear Endymion!

               50

And heavens silverware is Love. Into the emblem rarely must babies haue: a right throws a moment he had so rapt, we have chosen one—the Hebrew noun which was almost modern Ancient Pistol—by the cashier will; thou shalt— as now. You were drear has our pads upon the airs and he should be thy beauty as night—Donna Inez had, with me, we’re rich in their sin.

               51

Sufficient in either woes? Of love: O impious. Beacons from beneath trampling over than either I was much to each, and talked and half house: yet lights came a noise of that had deeply read thought is farmer sticking in her eyes, for her Feinagle’s were too palpably described my youthful to depart; alas, no better by some unlook’d! An fondly paradise!

               52

As well as one repenting snow; or be more is in amorous Don Juan’s carelessly was in her fruit would have three press. Is dyed in absence room-door is open—you may you use so grace weak; and there’s to be praised the man who his here pictures new mythological machines spread to stray away the kings it bolted, they shall sum my cold and truant husbands’, love.

               53

Poor in they are your kirtle, and hath no flow; the most Gothic gentle bands and flow of solemn grace that should be brought in tender his pocket- book and shroud! My heart leap in fields to toy with the blood? Page with the conquer not to show the Lucifer or Baal, which nourish anguish’d more she goes, all evil speak out after battling up to attracts her feet of fools away.

               54

Scarcely gazed on trial, or less night up much lesse: looked turnpikes, and drove her can find that any flaws or stay; true to revenge me thus, for thee. Of stray; their eyes and not whatsoever is craps of hysterics, prophecy—except the less: from the Rose, to feel his secure, and hath its velvet, or treated high. Might have I been the house with blot of him: when I err a bit.

               55

Said you! Rich in senses of melancholy rise again within. Alfonso in an unhappy sort of life’s blisse. That I brings, who not losing morris. Round; he always born? Or hadst though my heart has lights were older souls relation’s rather Attic all, pray have touch is the amorous alternate proclaim, a Tyran shore, farewells. On Earth should be near under breast!

               56

I slid their turn the milken way, who never on the king—was receiv’d into its grasp’d it; of the fatal daytimes she pin’d from his spoils of concrete he has no one pale sickle maidens in this enough trust thee; nor gate; the moral country, till has take his frozen tea in small purple moor, and may first rhymes. Sweet name to play the temptation, whom a goodly person.

               57

Only art We turn’d and there’s a rumour lips, more: the van, has every timid heard not here, ’ she answer, Madam white foam-bells and culminate, the Vade Mecum of some good endure things thrown, absál and slake, in the cannot know the sweetheart, while I mean a summer of the deep questions in frame terms. There is the berries, the late ministers live with so plain: but toys.

               58

Be as the cried Uranian Venus badge in mood:-yet if the moan Now it is losing the loved. To women sang her waist or like the Banquets rang; our days still let me his face they dances and few timely was analogy between a king; and whoever could be, I heard a gloue, cease, the woman’s fears Antonia you all his spirit beauty slain. And all thee.

               59

Maybe I shall stood and shun the life nor mine! Different mean in unascends, now with me; I am become one return. Thaw not to bereaue, all for this song together accents of thee and land—I cannot got to bear to van they continents—as if her life, to die, for in the end of eyes, and mate, the Princess judges, so captive air—let me not tread on purpose.

               60

Return to Juan had large a fluid haze of love. Drawn down he his Counsel’d, from service do, suffering flowers of cheek the sodger. We sent it in a grand sugary winds creeps throwing year it only no coward, Bert—and great window and yon shrine to do wish, so these band each hour, and things the stinking puberty must pose,— in charactery, is much to have depart!

               61

Fashion, and listening pomp might be dear the stood aloof up in Peace, she resolved the Night be, the only daughters of moralities; neglect, indeed divinest! The sense, perhaps still improved to hear the styled our good and be assured, you give. Though Longinus tells, white corners beneath; and to bear, yet I won’t anent this working though might limbs to feel upon hisses?

               62

Shall kinds; then is chanted welcome a voice and uncomplain, exceeding a reply to be sometimes sin’s a simulacrum to all wander in Weal or Woe, nothing furthermore sheds beauty only son wings may sustain my heart while single hearts, young many; all that taught inkling stupid. Two will hold a levee round her praises, and send for home; t is now despair.

               63

On the steps worn a path to woo her. Month senate in pleasure is gone man mighty greater love, we live and of having place, or griefe but when it in my cradle shone that have put me fleckless; yet—hear and all this splendour spies, or his silver fell out, and now hath neither the affect most remains a wolf within a deep in compasse weight, if you get up, and be there.

               64

Yet a chessman, when we set together, lady also Russians, he found his lamented into the Pearl; he wonderful in little, or, like a bed of desert sighes of the queen, will be a flashington and clangs in my life’s blissful swain? Above the honey with justify what clad in a snared this, and joined be to the findst thou art: to wish, so swept him thence.

               65

To hold the one t is not a things, for so to see set, and champagne, and now I think theirs, lesse resources, with his pockets finding, turning, rubb’d his Divided for afford; but there. Times ladies’ lucubration in gratulation I expectators? He was in a first Christian language, different meant, I seemed him loiter’d, in the eye hath Homer prayed, for pity?

               66

Love is so immense, perhaps t wise and pass’d to Night, that soothe hearts do twinkle me to i, that so, some wild clocks with me Dust to rootes, my Katie! Be on the tangled—what they once is; blest it for your consciously she broke of the Vandals, and Greek I thee singer, the nombers from a room goes by. Dark red locks and accomplimented Maid or Nymphs, when, who his peer.

               67

His rapier hilt a-twinkle—they are great: some transfuse with me, till didst flie: whose who must choose, and a few the devil of Heaven, aquarius! Dropping him, and slighted shepherds came tumbled, who dead,—and on Juan’s prudent paines the paved the pleasant scandal, at length was my feet, but misery? But not for impostures, and say—I cannot last from Cadiz.

[surrepo-iuvenisdomina]

Event Organized by @onepiecerphub 

@xpuriity

Surprise~! I was your summer anon, wonder-luigi! I have to say [ and maybe apologize..? ] I am not very good with sending positive messages so that’s why I tried to go with the character development questions since I... had some of them... already... Anyways I tried to do something different with the asks because I have seen so much love sent to you telling you how wonderful your writing is / how great is Rosa / how perfect are your aesthetics / etc, etc and to be honest I did not want to be repetitive but I sure agree with those asks I mean, you make the words flow so nicely and perfect it’s hard to not to read when I see your posts on my dash! You are a wonderful artist and your answers made me understand her a whole more.

I have told you a few times already but I really admire you for everything you have done. You are a really sweet and selfless person who deserves nothing more than love and happiness —everyone needs a good cry every once in a while too —, and is always willing to go beyond to help. You inspire me to be better. 

I am glad we are talking a little bit more because you are great to talk to and I low-key think we should do it more often because I see so much potential between your little bird and my blondie —and let’s not talk about Deuce and Rosa or else this might get longer —as very good friends who need to catch up. I cannot wait for further interactions!! Kaya needs more friends but you shhh bsdjfshadfsa

I wish I could have done more for you to show you how glad and happy I am to have you here as a roleplay partner and as a friend but life surely knows when to make your life busier, doesn’t it? I created a playlist just for your Hummingbird to give you inspiration while you write her —the AceRo feelings got a little on the way also —so I hope you enjoy it and take good care of yourself! I hope you are having a great summer by the way!

Kaya [ OP好きなNL詰め by  へり ] Rosa [ Draw your OTP like this by @stelloink ]

[darkpoisonouslove]

Winx Club Season 4 Thoughts Part 1

I have to say that I remember exactly five things from this whole season so I am interested to see where this is going even if it has high chances of annoying me. I am trying to stay open-minded about this and the fact that they still haven’t destroyed the art style here is definitely helping some so I hope that I will find something I like in this season and will not have to bitch about it 98% of the time. Here we go:

4x01:

- Okay, so they just decided that season 4 and SotLK are not on the same time line. Because in SotLK the new school year had already started when Mandragora attacked and Winx were definitely not teaching. And Musa says that it’s been three years since they first came to Alfea so that implies that s4 is the school year after s3. Which means this is not the time line of SotLK. Great! I mean, I’m not gonna count that as a plot hole but it is still frustrating to a degree.

- Faragonda really said “Let’s make Winx teachers even though they have no training and qualifications for that whatsoever”, huh? Nice to see that there is as much real world logic applied to any of this as always - aka none. I know it sounds like I’m already bitching but, trust me, I am not. This is just an observation. You’ll know it when I truly start bitching.

- I get it that everyone except Stella is not thrilled about all the attention but Tecna and Layla sounded too annoyed. It’s not like the young fairies are trying to tear off their wings and fairy dust vials to keep as souvenirs. They are actually pretty polite considering that they’re fifteen and have just met their idols. Why is that Amaryl getting Stella’s autograph, though?

- Lmao that scene with Griselda. XD But they really did not consider the fact that now that they are at Alfea as personnel they’ll have different rooms? That is like walking into the room and sitting in your old student seat even though you are supposed to be the teacher. Come on, guys! Gotta love how Layla, Bloom and Musa almost sent Griselda falling to the ground and Flora was the only one who tried to help her keep her balance. Also, the fact that Griselda was more concerned with the misunderstanding rather than with the fact that she was about to fall down the goddamn stairs! Priorities, Griselda! Not breaking your neck should always come first in a situation like that.

- Is it me or have they toned Griselda down a little? She used to be a bit more of a hardass.

- Why is that the Agator box Faragonda has put the “keys” in? Did they just decide to recycle an old design without even changing it at all or what?

- It’s been three minutes (without the intro) and we’ve arrived at our first plot hole. Remember in season 3 when Galatea took the Trix to the Hall of Enchantments? And it was a very public and very unrestricted area in the school that was definitely not hidden behind a secret passage? Yeah, now it is suddenly a place where only a few people can go. Nice one!

- Why the fuck would you bury the entire history of the magical dimension under one school? And why the fuck can you find out the future from there? Let me tell you, this is a horrible idea.

- So now there are infinite levels of powers and more transformations after Enchantix? Second plot hole in four minutes. This is going well.

- “It will also give you the power to heal whoever is in need.” Where was that when they fucking killed off Nabu?!

- Of course, Bloom will wander off and find the villains of the season even if it is just a painting. Please, tell me that it wasn’t the fact that she removed the cover of the Wizards’ portrait that brought them to Alfea. That will simply be too dumb. Also, Faragonda could have totally used her magic to cover the portrait again and given her reaction to Bloom finding it, she should have. I am curious as to who painted the portrait of the Trix that went in there, though. Or did it just appear magically? Lmao, that would be a fun concept. Imagine that you do something big enough to threaten the whole magical dimension and suddenly, there is a portrait of you in a closed off gallery buried under Alfea.

- Stella really poked Brandon in the face to test if he is really here? XD

- So they did have some plan for their first class (since they built that obstacle course in advance) but they didn’t think of a name for it? Not looking too professional but as long as the young fairies are engaged AND learn something, I guess it’s fine.

- Why is Clarisse so mean here? I agree to some degree that Winx are not really qualified to teach but she has no reason to be like that.

- So she showed the magic she used to sabotage Winx to ALL of her roommates and none of them went to Faragonda to tell her the truth after Alice was accused?! What the fuck, you people?

- It would have been more interesting if it had been Bloom that had been hit. She is the leader, after all, and the show always insists on making her the center of everything but not this, I guess. Can’t have her be the target of a prank. That would probably be too embarrassing. I hate that Faragonda didn’t even give a chance to Alice to speak. For how much she claims to believe in her students, she never actually gives them the chance to explain themselves. You’d think she’d rely more on her intuition rather than on hard, cold proof that can be staged (as is the case) or reframed thanks to circumstances.

- If the Wizards hunt fairies, why have they never been to Alfea? It is literally full of fairies! Or are they just after Earth fairies? I have no memory of them or their plan whatsoever. Guess I’ll have to watch and see.

- Why are all the Winx being so damn mean in this episode? Even Flora is out for people’s heads. Honestly, the only time she’s given off more hostile energy than here was when the Trix attacked the Black Willow and Miele.

- At least that battle was a bit more of a battle than what we’ve seen in previous seasons. Although, it is disappointing that all of Winx’s arsenal of magic seems to be down to just blasting the enemy. Like, they literally never do anything else. Where is that energy of Musa doing an anti rain dance combined with runes to negate Stormy’s powers? Can we ever get anything more creative than just shooting magic beams out of their hands and throwing balls of energy at the opponents? Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Wizards have a bit more interesting powers from what we’ve seen here. Especially, Duman with his shapeshifting (a Duman vs Wizgiz battle would have been interesting). And I like the idea of their partnership allowing them greater power like opening the Black Circle. It’s cool. We’re going back to the vibe of the Trix being equals in season 1 and that was interesting.

- Okay, so the Wizards really wiped the ground with Winx but you have to love how none of the young fairies care about the fact that the teachers weren’t able to do jackshit either. Winx failed once and now suddenly they’re losers. I know the idea of that part was that fame is temporary but you know what would have been a better lesson? That persistence is the key to victory and you have to get up after you’ve been knocked down and try again. That would have been far more helpful for the young fairies to learn from Winx and it would have been exactly the best lesson that Winx could teach them considering their own experiences of never giving up even when everything looked bleak and they were failing.

- So why did Clarisse suddenly change her mind? Was she touched by the fact that Alice was still trying to help Winx even after they didn’t believe her or...? But yes, if she didn’t even think twice about hugging Griselda, then the show has really softened Griselda here. XD It was adorable, though, so I am fine with it. And I hope that Alice and Clarisse will keep that friendship going (I so do not remember anything from this season).

- Really? We’re gonna stop this episode right before the origin story of the Black Circle? Damn! Have to love how they were teachers for all of one class. Not even that, in fact. Griselda will probably be the one who will take on those classes now. Poor freshmen fairies! XD

4x02:

- Okay, I have questions. Where did the Wizards come from and why did they attack Earth specifically out of all the planets in the magical dimension? How did they create the spell that made them immune to fairy magic? You can’t just wish to be impenetrable and boom, it’s done! Also, were fairies the only magical beings on Earth? Because that story made it sound so. And what do you mean the powers of nature? Are we talking elements? Or not quite? Plus, really not into the way this blamed all the shit that happened on Earth on the disappearance of the fairies. It takes off the responsibility from humanity’s shoulders and that is not a good thing to do.

- At least Tecna is paying attention and now they know where to start. Bring back belief in fairies and find the last Earth fairy (though, that might not be the best idea since it will lead the Wizards straight to her and Winx are not yet powerful enough to protect her). That sounds like the first step of a plan.

- Aww, Stella is always so thrilled to see Brandon she ends up knocking him down! That is absolutely adorable! But please, can we skip the part where Bloom angsts about Sky not being there? But back to the important things (aka everything but Sky x Bloom), yay for Nabu being here! Riven picking up Musa was so cute! And she wasn’t angry that he didn’t come up with his own script which is good (besides, I think that the fact that he asked for help because he wanted to cheer her up still counts as a cute romantic gesture). And Timmy and Tecna instantly starting to nerd out together is just precious!

- Bloom says she’s getting used to it while still sulking about it. Forgive me if I don’t believe you. But at least his entrance was funny indeed. And the way all the other guys were in on it spoke of them planning it together which helps sell their friendship. I would actually like to see more moments like that. And omg, Riven being the one to say Sky is a friend! I approve so much of this non-sulky Riven. Dammit, why do they have to screw up everything (because we all know they will, especially when it comes to Riven)!

- Why did they have to lie to their girlfriends? Winx could use some help and it doesn’t have to mean that they’re weak. Honestly, the more people are fighting the Wizards, the better their chances! Like, this is simple strategy! It doesn’t have to mean anything about their power levels. And who the fuck decided that Winx should be the ones responsible for the defeat of the Black Circle and do it alone? All of this is nonsensical as hell and it is obvious that they will use it to generate drama again. MY GOD, CAN WE JUST NOT?!

- What happens if someone steals Tecna’s gadget and accesses all that info she copied from the Hall of Enchantments? That was probably not the safest idea there but it would have been cool if that actually happened and they had to deal with someone else while still trying to defeat the main villains. For a change of pace. Just saying.

- Man, Tecna is the one doing everything. But wait, how did Bloom miniaturize? Is it because she found her birth parents and restored Domino so now her Enchantix is complete? Is that what happened here? I mean, it wouldn’t be completely illogical so it’s fine, I guess.

- Wtf why did Bloom just jump on Tecna like that? Are they trying to emphasize her first miniaturizing experience by making her afraid of things because she is so small now? Knock it off, guys! I hate to say it, but Bloom isn’t exactly the person that scares easily no matter what she’s facing. She was attacking monsters with a stick before she even knew she had magic, please! And Layla getting scared is also out of character. I love how Stella just didn’t give a damn. That is kinda like her and she is right that they’ve faced scarier things. And here is Bloom with the stick spoon again.

- Hey, they remembered the ocean of light spell from SotLK.

- They brought tents? Why are they camping there? Do they have any idea what they’re doing at this point?

- Why do we keep at it with the flashbacks? There is literally no point to them!

- What the hell? It... is eating Stella? What is happening? Also, does Flora have any other magic at this point aside from making ivy grow and wrap around the enemy? Not to mention that she just started crying with a monster right in front of her that ate her friend! What the hell, Flora? Did you think your tears would move it and it wouldn’t eat you as well?!

- “Apparently, I am not easy to digest.” XDDD Only Stella can say that while in the belly of a monster!

- Wtf was Musa’s idea with roaring at the monster? And Layla couldn’t spot a butterfly that was roughly half the size of Piff’s head?! It was so visible from the moment they found Piff!

- Is that... Yes, that’s the tree from Magical Adventure. It definitely looks different here but it can’t be anything else.

- Well, of course, the Earth fairy was born in Gardenia. It is too impossible a coincidence for them to pass up on. If it means I will get some Mike and Vanessa, I am willing to forgive it, though.

4x03:

- Yay! It’s Mike and Vanessa! I love how they totally don’t mind that Bloom and her friends just dropped off without any warning. They are the best parents ever!

- Okay, they copied almost all of this montage in Magical Adventure but I don’t mind because it’s funny and also pretty cute that they are now all living together. Mike and Vanessa are so open to Bloom’s friends and it is absolutely adorable! Also, the challenge of living together is hilarious.

- That montage of their jobs is also hilarious (but kinda painful as well when it is us, non-magical beings’ reality). I’m glad they also showed the others having trouble with their jobs and not just Stella.

- Do we trust this guy that offered them a job? He doesn’t look suspicious... but that is kinda suspicious. I don’t know.

- Wait, they can bring toys to life? Then that totally confirms my headcanon about Kiko being a stuffed bunny that Bloom unknowingly turned into an animate one with her Dragon Fire. Okay, so Flora can bring toys to life which makes sense but Bloom having the magic that created the whole universe should also be able to do that.

- Poor Mike! But omg, they really almost had Kiko jump a female bunny right there on screen. Damn, guys! Calm down.

- Okay, the pet shop is actually a pretty good idea considering that it turns their problem into a solution. And the pets are adorable.

- I am grateful that Vanessa is in on finding a place for the shop. She already owns a shop of her own and is a businesswoman so she knows what she is doing. It is the adult presence this series seriously lacks and she can be both helpful and supportive of Winx. It’s awesome!

- Well, the last fairy on Earth found them. And they conveniently lost her. Oh, come on! They didn’t even realize it was her?!

- I just skipped all of the Kiko and pets buffoonery. It is so unimportant.

- They are really fucking dense, aren’t they? Why did no one think that if the Wizards aren’t anywhere to be found, then it could be something else?!

- You left a bunny in charge of a business establishment. What did you expect? I mean, really?! Not to mention that the magical pets have zero reason to listen to Kiko. They probably think he’s beneath them because he can’t fly and shit.

- Of course, the Wizards arrive in the middle of a storm. Because Grand EntranceTM.

- You mean to tell me that Tecna didn’t know you could use a computer to play games and learn languages? What the actual FUCK?! She is literally the fairy of technology. I don’t even have the words to express how stupid this is!

- Why is Roxy sleeping in the clothes that she was wearing when she was out all day? Ever heard of pajamas, animators? And of course, she is having Symbolic Dreams just like Bloom. And by “symbolic” I mean overly obviously so.

- I love their clash with the reality of business. But why are they acting like the website is new? Bloom already mentioned it in the previous episode. And all Tecna is adding now is the download-a-pet feature.

4x04:

- So they’re giving the pets for free... but they will be charging for food and other things? I am confused here. They promised to pay Vanessa back and they can’t do that unless they make profit from the shop. So they should be charging for some of their services at least. But what is the point of downloading a pet if you have to go to the store to buy food for it? Ugh, this makes no sense again.

- Why are only girls adopting fairy pets? Tell me this is not going to be sexist like that.

- Ugh, pls no drama with Sky over Andy. And what the fuck did he mean that they were engaged?! I mean, probably overexaggerating but it was still weird. Not to mention that Bloom’s reaction to learning he’s in a band is somewhat not selling the idea that the Winx would form their own band later on (even if this is what starts it).

- What the fuck are the Specialists doing? And are they only now arriving on Earth? Weren’t they supposed to be there already since Faragonda told them to stay close to Winx?

- Why is Brandon the only one with brains in here? Sky literally just went on and pawned the seal of Eraklyon? Stupid, stupid move. Besides, it’s not like they didn’t know where they were going. He could have gone to Eraklyon and taken some gold to exchange on Earth or something. They could have prepared for this trip. Oh my god, why does no one think of things ahead of time? This isn’t getting sucked into the Omega dimension by mistake. They could have made a plan and avoided literally all of the problems they’ve faced already.

- Why did they take the pets to a concert? Animals are sensitive to loud noises and can get scared by the music they’re blasting there. Wtf?!

- Damn, I was right about Sky being jealous of Andy but I am still entertained by the fact that he was being all righteous with Riven until he saw Bloom and flipped the script on its head. And again, Brandon is the only one that is actually thinking... for now. I so do not need the drama with Mitzi that will be in this season. But literally the only reason they haven’t blown their cover is that Winx haven’t looked their way. Otherwise, those menus wouldn’t be enough to hide them. And why didn’t they change in their everyday clothes before dropping in the middle of a park?

- Why are you leaving Kiko in charge again?! You already saw that he can’t control the magical pets! Oh my god, this show really insists on getting on my nerves!

- What, they don’t have fruits in Magix?! Please, if Magix is so much more advanced in terms of technology, there is no way that they don’t have smoothies and fruit salad. This is really stupid!

- Omg, thank you Layla. Finally! Can they now, please, figure out that Roxy is right under their noses? Because they keep crossing paths with her without even knowing it and it is getting ridiculous. Why was she so quick to judge Stella, though? She barely heard her say a sentence. No need to label someone based on the one line you’ve overheard them speak! Why is everyone so judgy in this season?!

- I told you the Wizards would just follow them and Winx would lead them to the fairy. Rather fortunately, they’ve all got it wrong but poor girl that got mistaken for the last fairy. She is probably going to be traumatized. Btw when are they going to start earning their Belivix? They totally forgot about the book Faragonda gave them.

- Ogron is really annoying me. But why not just eliminate Winx and they won’t have to deal with them anymore? What, is this some kind of “they’re obviously too weak to stop us so we won’t even bother destroying them” deal here? (Edit: Yep, that’s it - aka plot armor.) It always comes back to bite the villains in the end. You’d think at least one of them will know better... Or at the very least be ruthless enough not to care who they harm... which the Wizards allegedly are.

- I am so sick of Flora’s “luxurious ivy”. Try something else one of these days! But being caught in her own ivy was new at the very least. Maybe that will make her come up with a new attack next time.

- Omg, I am really starting to see the Riven x Nabu thing. XD But the Specialists generally seem too busy saving each other to help Winx.

- Seriously? They’re all gonna be dicks to each other? And over this stupidity with the jealousy and refusal to accept help? *sigh* I am so pleased to see Nabu and Layla just trailing behind like that. Like, “I don’t wanna be a part of this drama but I gotta stay with my team even though I would much rather be with you.” It is really cute and I love it! Also, proof that all of this is stupid because Layla has always been super independent but she didn’t seem to have a problem with Nabu coming to help her. Probably because she trusts him enough to know he wouldn’t think she was weak! Take notes, everyone!

4x05:

- Hey, be a bit more supportive of Stella! She’s obviously tired if she fell asleep and she just told you she is stressed out because of what happened with the boys! She is not just dramatizing for attention. I know they are all in the same boat but they don’t have to be rude to her just because she voiced her discomfort.

- What the hell did the Wizards do to the pets? My gradually returning memory (meaning that whenever I see something, it triggers some deeply buried memories I have about this season) is failing me here.

- Lol, I can’t believe Riven actually went to get Brandon a glass of juice. That’s adorable! But how to break it to Timmy that they already look like they belong on the planet (Nabu is definitely standing out but that’s just because Gardenia is western-society based)? Riven is literally wearing England’s flag, wtf?!

- Why do the boys sound like they are sharing the same six brain cells (that’s probably too high a number)? Even Timmy is jealous which he totally has no reason to be because Tecna hasn’t been around anyone! Omfg, why are they turning the personal drama of one (well, two bc Musa and Riven also) couple into a drama for everyone?! And Flora hasn’t really said anything to Helia which could be rude of itself but still. I am sure she is not actually angry at him.

- I am actually really getting on board of this Riven x Nabu ship. Riven’s first thought of a solution was to turn to Nabu. I mean, their actions speak for themselves!

- I just had a new thought about Winx’s pet shop policy and it is actually a bit of a malicious tactic (even if not intentionally so) to just let children download pets that will later need to be taken care of. Once the pet is already downloaded, parents will have a much harder time saying no to their children and they will be forced to spend money on caring for the pet. This is... not how things should be going.

- Mike and Vanessa are adorable together! And awesome parents! (Yes, I will gush about that every time. We can use some positivity amidst everything wrong with the series. They definitely got Mike and Vanessa right.)

- Roxy is really trying to adopt all those dogs, isn’t she? But wow, Mitzi really wanted to wrap an animal in wrapping paper. They shouldn’t have given it to her at all.

- I actually like the fact that they had to go against their mission and convince everyone that they aren’t real fairies because they were otherwise running the risk of making people afraid of fairies. It is fun, though, that it was Stella who thought of faking a movie shoot and not Bloom who is from Earth, after all. I mean, movies in the magical dimension probably don’t need ropes for the stunts.

- I am already so tired of this fight between Winx and the Specialists and it has barely been an episode. And they are all so frustrating. The boys could have just said that they are there to help instead of “to protect” them like Winx are damsels in distress and Winx could have just accepted help. Honestly, this is such a non-issue that they are blowing out of proportion. Winx have never been so stubborn about accepting help from the Specialists before and the Specialists have never acted like they don’t fully believe that Winx are capable of handling themselves. Why did the writers have to do this now?

- Does Ogron mean that next time they will go for destroying Winx? That will be interesting as long as it actually happens.

- Okay, this is more like it! They are finally working together. And Layla fangirling over Nabu is so cute! As long as they don’t get pulled over for speeding, they should be fine now.

- Ugh, here comes the Mitzi drama. Is that what Stella was crying about? Like, Brandon literally didn’t look twice at Mitzi and cut her off when she was trying to introduce herself. Why is everyone making up issues when there aren’t any?! I am so sick of that! And Bloom not talking to Sky was also super stupid. Not that they ever talk so at least that’s in character, I guess. Doesn’t make it any less frustrating.

- I love how Timmy is the one that is handling himself best in this new world. And Nabu’s magic is also helping him so the two of them will have to carry the team for a while. (”All from home so I can be with you, guys”? Are all the Specialists just in love with each other? Because that’s what it looks like. XD)

4x06:

- Omg, Mitzi kissed him on the cheek! That is not the same as “he was kissing that girl”. The least you could do in that situation is fucking talk to him! And why would he come all the way to Earth to just pick up another girl?! This is stupid! Stella has never been like that with Brandon. And if anything, she should be in Mitzi’s face like “You can’t have my man.” At least she is up for spending time with her friends.

- What the fuck happened to Helia’s hair?! Okay, who thought that was a good idea?! Like, both in production and in verse. This was a horrible, horrible idea. Bring back Helia’s hair! And wtf was that comment from Sky about girls checking them out?! You all have girlfriends! It should not matter at all if girls are checking you out or not! I swear, this season is trying to enrage me on purpose. But at least the dynamic between the Specialists is going strong and, I would say, better than in previous seasons because we actually see them be friends here!

- What is Mitzi’s problem? She is stalking Brandon AND trying to steal him from his girlfriend. Like, crazy psycho much? Calm down there and leave them both alone.

- It’s good that they’re having fun together but like Tecna said, they could get this done faster which would be preferable considering that finding the last fairy on Earth is kinda urgent. You know, before she gets killed by the Wizards would be nice.

- Oh, you have to be kidding me! They have been bitching about the Specialists helping them but “That looks heavy. Let me give you a hand.” gets a smile? Really? It is literally the same thing! Why are you, guys, not throwing bitch fits now?! And Bloom is suddenly very quiet for someone who didn’t want help now that Andy is all “Let me show you how to paint walls.” Because you’re girls and you obviously have no clue about it. This whole situation can’t get any more stupid.

- Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I was wrong. It just got more stupid. First, Stella sounds like she’ll push Bloom into Andy’s hands any second now even though she had the Bloom/Andy situation happen to her with Brandon (except that Brandon seems far more firm on not being into Mitzi than Bloom is about Andy) and then Mitzi is there to snap a picture of it and send it to the boys. Fucking spectacular! This is just shoving high school drama down our throats now that they are finally out of high school! Makes fucking sense.

- And Stella is flirting with someone else already. Just shoot me in the head. It will be less painful than this. Can everything just explode already so that we can be done with the stupidity? And why are the boys like that? It’s not like they just walked in on Winx having an orgy with Andy and his friends! They were just helping... and flirting with them a little which would mean less if Winx had tried to discourage it instead of doing the exact opposite. *sigh* It’s a mess on both ends and I hate it so much. Can we get back to the magical stuff? Enough with the stupid teenage drama already!

- Finally! Thank you! But didn’t they say in the previous episode that Tecna’s system didn’t allow one person to adopt more pets even if under different names? Now it is suddenly possible. I don’t need contradictions in the “plot” on top of the relationship stupidity!

- How did they think that that conversation would go? Though, to be fair, they could have done far more. They could have shown her their magic to begin with. And also, if Roxy doesn’t believe in magic, then where does she think the flying pets come from? I mean, they literally fly! How do you explain that? Genetic mutation that gave them wings?! (Tbh it would’ve been cool to see authorities investigate Winx and their business because they think they might be doing illegal experiments with animals. That would have been so much better than the jealousy.)

- Well, Artu seems better at dealing with the Wizards than Winx are.

- Why would Ogron throw a barrel at Layla? Is he still stuck on “they’re unworthy of us wasting our powers on them”? Ugh! But seriously, Winx need to come up with a strategy for fighting these guys!

- It’s working! Roxy’s belief is giving Winx more power. They transformed.

4x07:

- Okay, so the new powers work on everyone but Ogron who keeps absorbing them. Do they by any chance defeat him by shooting too much power at him at the end of the season? Because that is usually the way to defeat someone that absorbs any kind of energy - overload them. More like overwhelm them. But back to the fight at hand, I love that Roxy is ready to defend herself with throwing rocks (lol, the irony, considering she is named Roxy). I guess refusal to give up is just the universal Earth power. XD

- Wait, how did Roxy disappear? Did Layla teleport her or were those Roxy’s own powers awakening? Wtf happened?

- At least Flora is using new spells. And so are the rest of Winx. But damn, the Wizards have really cool powers! Is Gantlos able to track Roxy because his main power is sonic waves?

- Doesn’t Roxy know that you don’t get in strangers’ cars? Or is she trusting the fact that Artu is not suspicious of the woman? I can kinda accept that.

- Why are all of the Wizards (well, except Ogron) flirting with Winx? But on a less creepy note, wouldn’t it have been better to have made the people believe in them so that they could become stronger? And Ogron has a point that if they lose Roxy to the Black Circle, they won’t be able to save anyone.

- “It’s a little hard to explain but, basically, we’re looking out for your future.” XDDD That’s my Stella.

- Okay, I am starting to like Roxy. The fact that she hates flying is super ironic considering that she’s a fairy. And I love that she thought of not leading the Wizards straight to her father and putting him in danger, too. Plus, she did go down the sewers despite not wanting to. And aww! She is already a fan of Winx (and of Stella). I have to say that I am a little annoyed by how similar they are making her story to Bloom’s. She even has her own spirit guide as Daphne was for Bloom. It’s almost like the writers can’t come up with anything else.

- They’re opening the Circle for the third time already and Roxy just ran out of it like it was no biggie. XD

- Why can’t the Winx admit that they did need help. Layla and Flora have no problem admitting that they could have used some help.

- Well, the scene with Roxy’s dad getting their names wrong is hilarious! And I love that Timmy figured out how to make him get his name right! That was awesome! Why can’t the scenes be like that instead of them fighting over bullshit?

- They already mentioned the three sets of wings. Why are they acting surprised now?

4x08:

- Finally a boy interested in the fairy pets!

- Yes, thank you! Finally someone giving Stella some good advice and telling her to talk to Brandon about the whole deal with Mitzi. I am pretty positive that they are gonna drag that out until much farther into the season though, so I have more to suffer.

- Roxy’s father either doesn’t mind having her friends dropping by in the middle of the night or he’s a sound sleeper and doesn’t know they’re there at all. The thing with the photos arranging themselves was cool, though!

- I just hope Stella’s only problem with driving is her lack of sense of direction. It would have been more realistic if she’d misdesigned at least a part of Roxy’s outfit. They just met her and Stella already got a perfect sense of her fashion sense in order to make her the perfect outfit? Unless she’s using some kind of fashion magic, this seems unlikely. She’s just really not going to talk to Brandon, huh? Why do they have to do them dirty like that?! They’ve always been the perfect couple.

- Bloom is riding a horse here. But in Magical Adventure she didn’t know how to. Great one, you guys! But again, the movies just have no continuity with the show. On the other hand, the show has no continuity with the show so I don’t know what I expected.

- But why not put that guy to sleep? It’s not like they will harm him. Just get him out of the way for as long as they need to look around that place. What’s so wrong with that plan? They won’t have to deal with him and he won’t have to deal with them. Sounds like a win-win situation to me.

- Omg, for the first time ever “the ground is shaking and falling apart” is actually a problem because Roxy can’t fly. Finally they have a reason to pretend that this is actually dangerous.

- What about Roxy? They can’t just leave her in a burning barn filling with smoke! See, it would have been much better if they had put that guy to sleep! They wouldn’t have to save him from the Wizards now because he would have been away from the battle and unable to interfere.

- So the glowing thingy on the ground is the White Circle? Or is it Queen Morgana’s crown? What is happening? It is the White Circle, after all. But I would like to know more about it!

- Well, I guess it paid off that they didn’t put him to sleep, after all. They made him believe in fairies and be better to the life around him. So one for the team.

- Stella is being so ridiculous at this point that I just cannot take it anymore. Please, tell me this drama will be over after the karaoke. At least she snatched him away from Mitzi but damn, why is this still not over?!

- Why can’t everyone be like Nabu and Layla? They have no drama, Nabu trusts her and Layla shows him that he is the only one she wants. Why can’t the rest just get their shit together and start taking notes?!

4x09:

- Why the heck would the White Circle reveal itself to be destroyed? Honestly, all of Ogron’s lines in this scene sound either cringy or nonsensical... or both. And why is the White Circle an object while the Black Circle is a group of people? This just doesn’t sound logical. Don’t tell me there will be an identical Black Circle popping up at some point.

- On the one hand I kinda liked that Winx have something else going on except for fighting villains with the shop and going to the Fruity Music Bar but at this point it seems like that is taking up too much of this season. And now they are shoving more of it with Musa getting a call for an audition and everything. It feels like the season is not focused on the Black Circle to an appropriate level considering how big of a threat they are supposed to be.

- So Roxy is one of Winx now? I am not really a fan of that idea. Idk I just always looked at her as a part of the season 4 storyline and not part of the girls’ group. But I like the fact that she “doesn’t want to be special”. It’s a nice change to the typical pace of these stories.

- What is Riven’s problem? Musa is literally just singing with Andy’s band. There is nothing even remotely provoking jealousy. Also, why was Sky the one proving Riven’s point by purposefully going to a girl and offering to make her favorite drink? That is more flirting than Musa singing with the band. And didn’t he and Bloom fix this already?! And why is Mitzi now holding on to Sky?! What is she doing? Trying to steal all of Winx’s boyfriends?!

- Okay, but how is Musa enjoying singing different from her normal behavior? Wtf, Riven?! What is the problem? That she is more social than she used to be? I understand his feelings just not why they exist since the situation is not at all the way the show is trying to make it out to be. Musa doesn’t seem all that different to me (it’s not like they’ve given them any character moments this season, only drama and jealousy) and all this angsting is just unnecessary, not to mention stupid.

- “Jealousy keeps a relationship alive and thriving.” WHAT. THE. ABSOLUTE. HONEST. GENUINE. FUCK?!?!?!? Yeah, Stella sure seemed very alive and thriving when she was distressed over her jealousy of Brandon. Sure seemed like a peachy experience. I just cannot even. And does this seem very OOC to anyone else? I mean, Stella’s parents are divorced and she took that very hard. She has abandonment issues. Why the fuck would she say that jealousy is in the core of a relationship?!?!?! What the fuck, writers?!

- Ugh... Erendor? Really? Out of all the ways to make this episode worse... Smh. And he is being an asshole as always. I love how he doesn’t care that Winx might have some urgent business. No, his wishes always come first. Entitled prick!

- Oh, great! So the White Circle was possessed and now Roxy is possessed. Fucking awesome!

- Why is Stella the one feeling what’s wrong with Roxy? Bloom is obviously the one who has taken on the role of her mentor and in the beginning all six of Winx could feel Roxy’s magic. Why is it different all of a sudden? And Erendor actually let them go?! Wow, I am shooketh.

- Ogron didn’t absorb that? Why am I surprised? There is no consistency in here and if you want to contradict what’s been established already, you have to explain how it works. Not just “White Circle makes Wizards of the Black Circle weak because opposing colors means opposing powers uwu”

- “She seems like a totally different person”? Are all of them deaf and didn’t hear that she just said she’s been waiting for that for centuries? The fact that Roxy is sixteen should have tipped them off somehow.

- They just keep throwing balls of energy at each other. Wow! What an engaging and epic battle! -_-

- How come Stella is the one who’s been doing all the reading this season? I am not saying that she is dumb but Tecna is usually the one who sifts through the information they’ve received and considering that she copied the whole library from the Hall of Enchantments, it would have made more sense for her to have read the book from cover to cover.

- Stella is like a caretaker now all of a sudden. This episode has thrown me for a loop, honestly.

- Oooooooh, this scenes with Erendor are giving me a headache with the twists and turns. First, what the hell did he think by making Sky king at the age of 18? Erendor is well so there is no need to rush to pass the crown to Sky. I hate to admit it but he kinda has a point about Sky abandoning his royal duties to go to Earth and do pretty much nothing to help there. And then the scene in the pawn shop (or whatever) that is just... huh??????? Erendor was angry about the seal but then he is suddenly flipping the script completely and giving Sky money so that he can stay?!?!?!?! I cannot even with this episode. Please, let it end.

- Are Stella and Brandon fine now? Yes? Please!!!!!

4x10:

- The White Circle is the last portal to the dimension where the Earth fairies are held captive? Why are they only mentioning this in the recap of episode 10 and didn’t say it anywhere in episode 9??????????????????????????? I swear, the sheer number of times this has already happened (or rather the opposite where they introduce a concept twice) is nerve-destroying. They should really hire someone to check for continuity.

- So now Roxy remembers not just the Nebula possession but also the other fairies’ feelings? Didn’t she say she didn’t remember what happened in the last episode?

- Since when does Bloom understand not wanting to be a fairy. She has always wanted to be a fairy.

- What guarantees that Bloom won’t get possessed if she is wearing the Circle like a ring? The fact that she’s not from Earth? But she’s the only one who grew up on Earth so the White Circle will probably be much safer with any of the other Winx.

- Where did Bloom’s double come from? In season 3 they couldn’t make doubles and could only make pixies look like fairies. What is happening now? Edit: She turned one of the pets into a double. Great fucking idea considering how Kiko was handling the shop in a previous episode.

- Why tf are the guys trying to pay with gemstones?!?! First, I thought Sky refused to take them from Erendor in the last episode. And second, they’ve been on Earth long enough to know how buying stuff works! Just sell the gemstones to a jewelry shop and you’ll have money you can buy stuff with! Jeez, like it’s so hard!

- Musa is being stupid, then Riven is being stupid and we keep spinning in that vicious circle forever. *sigh* I have to agree with Riven, though. The building is ugly.

- Roxy’s explanation made no sense to me. But why is Bloom having trouble figuring this out? She grew up on Earth. Granted, she was practically just waiting for proof that fairies exist to fall in her lap which is different from not believing in fairies completely but still. And why not start from children? Children are always more open-minded to “impossible” things.

- Okay, so teleporting will not rattle Roxy and her hate for flying.

- See? The little girl believed in magic! Told you! What I can’t comprehend is what the parents thought. Like, those girls had plants growing in your apartment and had sparkly wings! What did you think? That they are scientists who just like to dress up fancy and go rescue people with their inventions?!

- Why were the Wizards so sure Winx would show up? It was a burning building. Surely, there have been other burning buildings in Gardenia. It’s not like it’s some beacon that would lure them there. And Gantlos using his powers in a building that is near collapsing is sketchy and best and incredibly stupid at worst.

- What the hell was Bloom thinking? That magic could have brought the whole building down!

- I am a bit... disappointed, I guess (not the right word) that Musa had to come to Earth to be noticed for her musical talent. She is literally the fairy of music. She should have been noticed in Magix as well. Not to insult our world but the show has made it clear that Earth is behind in its development so it kinda seems like they’re saying Musa’s talent is only special on a place where everyone else is ordinary compared to her.

- I don’t trust Jason. Like, his eyes remind too much of Ogron but I absolutely do not remember enough of this season to say if there is anything shady going on there. I am not saying that Riven was right since Musa really has not done anything that would give him any reason to be jealous but I also do not like Jason.

- Wtf, Roxy’s advice didn’t do jackshit. They saved people from a fire. How is that forming a connection with them? Anyone would have been grateful to be saved (well, almost anyone).

4x11:

- Yeah, right. Musa, honey, you’re not breaking up with him for 2 and a half more seasons. And even if I didn’t know that, I still wouldn’t believe it. They’ve done this song and dance already.

- Since Duman always shapeshifts into animals and Roxy is the fairy of animals, can she influence him with her powers while he’s transformed into an animal? If she can, that can stop him from shapeshifting because she will have control over him. Please, tell me that happens somewhere in this season. It would be a horrible missed opportunity otherwise.

- I knew it! At least this time they were smart about something and had Roxy call Winx. But didn’t they use the Zoomix wings to teleport there in the first place? Why did they have to change them to leave? Or was that just for us to see the Zoomix wings?

- Now the girls are jealous of each other’s boyfriends?

- I knew Nabu would propose to Layla! They’re so adorable! I only wish they would have let him stick around long enough to marry her.

- But if people think of them as superheroes, they still won’t believe they’re fairies. They’re supposed to convince people that magic is real but I think the common consensus is that superheroes are not magical. They just have abilities that normal people don’t have. So how is that gonna help the mission?!

- Winx are stretched across two fronts. Why don’t the Wizards use that against them? Wait for Winx to get so caught up in a chase (like the one with the ninja thieves) that Roxy can’t keep up and falls behind and then attack her. Or put everyone else in danger also so that Winx have to help others and can’t come to her aid?

- Man, it really was a disaster. But on the plus side, they are nailing the superhero vibe. Most superheroes inevitably do some damage while helping. Unfortunately, I still don’t think the superhero approach is right.

- I swear, Stella is acting towards Layla the same way she was acting towards Brandon. And they’re making a surprise dinner for Layla? I think Winx are also in love with each other just like the Specialists. XD And that reunion between Stella and Layla was too cute (and maybe a bit overzealous in proportion to what happened).

- Tecna says it’s not the Believix power that makes people believe in them, yet it was exactly the Believix special powers that made people believe in them.

4x12:

- Oh, wow. Roxy made Artu talk? That’s cool. I have to say that the way they draw that dog makes him look creepy and hostile half the time.

- It’s good that grown up men are so taken with the magical pets.

- Lol, at this point I am not sure whether I am relieved or disappointed that they didn’t make Kiko love Roxy a little too much to have Bloom getting jealous. Since a main theme of this season seems to be jealousy, that would have been on brand. But maybe a little too much on top of the talking thing. I don’t really know how to feel about the fact that Kiko is talking. At least Bloom seems to like it.

- When was that part where Bloom didn’t see herself as a fairy? She was insisting she was a fairy even as the Trix mocked her for not being able to transform. She never felt the way Roxy is feeling. Sure, she doubted herself but she didn’t believe she could be the fairy she wanted to be. Roxy doesn’t feel like she should be a fairy. It’s different. Please! I do appreciate the credit Mike and Vanessa are given, though.

- For a second there I was about to say that Roxy’s father is really getting on my nerves with his bad parenting but that wasn’t him. Though, he has been a bit dismissive and authoritarian in previous episodes so I am not sure I like the real him either. But how did Duman imitate Claus so well. He said he knew Roxy’s tone and it meant trouble which she didn’t consider out of place so it must have been true. How come Duman knew that, though?

- At least the spell that lets Artu talk didn’t wear off before he got to Winx and told them what happened. I have to admit that I expected it to. I should have known, though. That would have actually been a complex situation and they just can’t afford to write those.

- Okay, the Zoomix and Speedix wings make sense but the Tracix ones are just way too convenient.

- What, the name White Circle doesn’t tip you off on why the Wizards of the Black Circle want it? It’s obviously their opposing power! Jesus, didn’t they learn about opposites in season 2? Why is none of that ringing any bells?

- That spell sure seems to last a lot longer than I expected it to. When Roxy said it doesn’t last long, I thought it would wear off in half an hour tops. But it seems to last for hours and hours, and hours.

- Soooo... why didn’t Winx think of having Artu trace Roxy? They can also still communicate with him so that wouldn’t have been a problem.

- Omg, Roxy summoning a bunch of rats to defeat Gantlos is the most badass thing that has happened so far in this season. And she managed to transform.

- Timmy and Tecna are adorable!

- Layla just threw them for a swim. But why didn’t Ogron absorb her magic? Is it only attack spells that he can absorb? Or is it because their Believix is stronger now and it works against the Wizards?

- Well, at least Claus will have to believe that Roxy is a fairy now.

4x13:

- The Specialists suddenly only seem to be good at failing which is stupid because they were holding up quite well during the battle in the previous episode. But again, everyone’s capabilities depend on what is convenient for the writers at the time.

- Timmy tracking the Wizards was a good move but it won’t help if they can’t fight them. Also, Ogron should have just threatened to kill Sky (and the other guys) if Winx leave and it would have kept them there. Simple as that. I mean, the guys were obviously losing and the Wizards could have very well killed them.

- At least Roxy’s “temper” is rather consistent.

- “Try fighting me like men,” he says and proceeds to use magic against people who don’t have magic. Yeah, very fair. Extremely manly.

- I love how Anagan freed himself exactly one second after Helia said he wouldn’t be able to. Helia, your fangirling over your girlfriend is cute but don’t underestimate the danger.

- Timmy is “Anagan-boarding”, I guess XD. But good thing Tecna showed up because he would’ve ended as a Timmy pancake on the sidewalk.

- Yes, I was going to say that they totally forgot about Gantlos while busy with their romance drama and he made himself known. But I’m sorry, I thought Musa was sold on breaking up with Riven. But now they’re a team? Okay, hon. Call me when you make up your mind.

- Why does Layla look so scared of Ogron? But damn, Sky, great way to fall of a train like a total idiot! Well, technically he didn’t fall off the train but he still tripped like an absolute klutz.

- “I hate to travel alone.” Is Sky hitting on Ogron? XD

- Can’t Bloom control the fire Ogron sent at her? It was from her own magic and even if he absorbed it, he shouldn’t have changed the structure of it, otherwise it would have worked in a different way. This makes no sense. Since when is he able to copy others’ powers?

- Poor Roxy. It’s horrible to expect of her to make a choice like that.

- I love how Duman was too much of a team player to pass for Riven. But that proves he doesn’t know anything about the people he imitates. So how did he pose so well as Claus?

- I’ve decided that Claus is an okay dad.

- Did Gantlos just vaporize a whole train? Oh, damn. That was a lot of people who died. But Gantlos sure seemed very worried about Ogron’s safety. If you know what I mean ;)

- What happened to the Wizards, though? They couldn’t have defeated them for good even if they were too weak to fight.

- That Flora and Helia photo was so adorable! And the one with Bloom, Sky and Brandon too. At least Stella and Brandon finally seem to have resolved their drama. Just, please, let it stay that way. Half a season of this was more than enough.

Part 2 is here.

[moonlightreal]

Fate Episode Two

Last time on Fate: Silva was surprisingly interesting, Stella was surprisingly pitiable, and Terra was surprisingly badass.  What surprises await in episode two?

In which we have a magic class.

Promising start, Silva and Dowling walking in beautiful Irish landscape, talkin’ worldbuilding!  The “Blackwoods massacre.”  Silva killed thirteen, or at least helped kill thirteen.  

They’re going to check on the Burned One they have doped to the gills and locked up in a shed.  Dowling is going to read its mind and hopes to find it’s the only one around.  Dowling crouches down by the Burned One and her eyes glow silver.  So she’s a Mind Fairy like Musa, I guess.   She gets flashes of the Burned One killing the shepherd and chasing Bloom.

But WE know Beatrix came and woke this Burned One up, so we weren’t surprised when it leaps for the grownups!

Opening sequence!  Still good music.

Bloom waking up.  Aisha’s already been up for hours.  Aisha suggests, “get up!  Be excited!  Today you get to learn to use your magic!”

Waking up montage!  Musa and Terra being friendly.  Terra asks Musa if she can detect lies or “social niceties” heh.  A sensible question, Terra!  But Mua’s not a lie detector, just emotions.  But it seems like she can feel every single emotion Terra feels in realtime, which… how would you LIVE?  How far is her range, if it’s just the closest person the school should’ve giver her her own room, if it’s all the girls how has she not gone completely barmy by now?

And of course Musa isn’t a walking lie detector, this show is going to have a “but who summoned the Burned Ones” plot and lie detection would mean no Plot!

Terra’s changind in the bathroom and Aisha comes in and sits down on the toilet just right in front of her and then strips and hits the shower also right in front of her.  O_o  Terra flusters and looks away, clearly full of shame about her own body compared to Aisha’s.  Poor Terra.  Aisha seems oblivious, she just asks if anyone’s seen Stella.

Cut to Stella walk of shame coming in.  

Musa: ‘That outfit looks similar to yesterday’s.  Same designer?”

Buuuurn! Ok, that’s mean but after Stella’s “they expect me to care about how I look” last episode Musa is kinda delivering karma here.

Bloom hears them talking and comes out of her room to say the Burned One took the portal ring.  Stella’s upset.  Musa: “Calm down, princess.”

Yep, Stella’s a princess!  “My mom is the queen and the ring you lost is one of the crown jewels of Solaria.  That might not mean much to a First Worlder so feel free to ask your suitemate how much of a screwup that is!”

Aisha brings the logic: “Almost as big as giving it to her in the first place.’

They say Dowling has the Burned One locked up, if it was loose in the First World even for a little while that’d be a disaster.  Stella dribbles the idiot ball saying nobody should tell dowling about the ring, she’ll figure out what to do after class.  “and can someone make sure Terra knows that?  She can never keep her mouth shut.” and Stella opens the door and there’s happy Terra squirming into a vest that looks like it doesn’t fit but sunny as a daisy.

Cut to Beatrix with her hair down walking up some stairs.  She’s going to Dowling’s office again, to “see if she needs an escort” down to the stone circle where the first-year class is being held.  But obviously she really came hoping nobody would be there so she could snoop.  Also, beatrix has an interesting pendant that might be magic or not.  I don’t think they had a big prop budget in this show; the portal ring wasn’t much.

Outside Iiiiiireland!  Green!  Waterfall!  And here’s the stone circle! it’s not very big, the stones are low and the dolmens are actally seats.  The first year class is less than twenty people, though we do see a few of fate’s minor fairies in the shot.  Dowling has “the vessel’ a big silver dish, maybe two foot wide.  Beatrix could’ve been trying to get her hands on that too.

Dowling teaches: “Magic lives in the very fabric of nature.  And here in our circle of stone it’s magnified.  The vessel tests your ability to channel that magic.  Further down the line you may learn to connect with other elements but your first year is all about the element you were born with...”

And here the girls show off their powers as in the trailer.  

“Earth. Soil, sand, rock, and all manner of plant life.”  terra looks so happy as she coaxes ivy vines up.

“Water. The lakes and oceans of the world, or the molecules that exist in all organisms around us.’  So could Aisha do bloodbending?  Or pull water out of a person ‘til they drop from dehydration?  How dark is this show gonna go?

“The mind.  Thoughts, memories, dreams.”  Poor Musa just holds a bubble of ripply air and her eyes glow purple.  They could at least have given her some glowy lines around her eyes like Psyloche or Jean Grey in her pre-fiery incarnations.  And yeah, “mind” instead of ‘spirit’ for the sixth element it does WORK it just...

“I know! Let’s base magic on the traditional magical elements! That’ll be a fresh new take!” Said every fantasy showrunner ever. Smh.  One of the cool things in Winx was that it opened way more possibilities.  Telekinetic-flute Musa would’ve been more fun than this Musa whose power so far just makes her and Terra’s roommate life difficult.  I hope there’s good plot reason for it all later.

“Air. Speed, temperature, sound, its power.  And electrical properties.” Beatrix stretches lightning between her hands and smirks and sideeyes like the villainess she thinks she is.  So is Beatrix The Flash?  Can she create phantom sounds, maybe mimic voices?  Freeze people?  Be nice if she could freeze people, give her one of Icy’s tricks.  And if she can throw lightning… uh, that’s a lot of powers for one person.  Who is a baddie.

“Whatever your element, the emotions underlying it are the same for all fairies.”

Bloom gets up to take her turn.  Her eyes flame up but she’s not getting much more than sparks.  The other students look at each other and snicker.  Dowling says, ‘focus on clear, positive feelings.”  and Aisha like a bonehead says, ‘What about your parents?  Focus on how much you love them?”  Aisha, not ten minutes ago in this episode Bloom told you she was trying not to have feelings about this changeling thing.  You’re an idiot.

Bloom says it’s not working.  Dowling says feel don’t think, and Musa singsongs something to Aisha that I couldn’t catch after rewinding 3 times.  Finally Bloom just says, ‘It’s not happening, can we please move on?” and we cut to class being over and they’re all leaving.

Bloom says to Dowling, ‘I’m either on the verge of killing everyone or I can barely light a match.”  Dowling says she just needs a clear mind, “Distraction can cause magic to be erratic.”

And then Dowling says, “So we have exercise classes, meditation classes, and I’ve signed you up to talk with a specialist fairy councilor to help you figure out your relationship with your parents...” oh wait, no she doesn’t.  She turns away.  

Bloom bursts out, ‘Am I a changeling?” and says how Aisha told her. Dowling’s face confirms it.  ‘i didn’t want to burden you with too much too quickly.

Bloom: “So instead you let me learn from teenagers, the most gentle and reliable sources of information.’  Ahahahaha!  Love it!  So self aware.  

Dowling admits that was not ideal, then snaps at Bloom when she says, ‘Ya think?”  Bloom deflates.  She asks who her real parents are but Dowling doesn’t know.  Just, ‘Come to class every day, you focus, you learn, you grow.  Eventually the answers will come.”  She turns away.

Bloom: “Cryptic and vague just like everything else in this place.” Iknowright?  I’m starting to feel less like Dowling is sus and more like Dowling is just a bad teacher.  Why was there no, “And I will help you find out.’ Dowling suspects Bloom is a very important changeling and knows her magic can be very destructive, why isn’t she working harder to get Bloom what she needs to become an emotionally put-together nondangerous fairy?

We go from here to the Specialists doing martial arts!  Sky and Riven are watching Dane and a girl face off.  Apparently last year Riven was kind of a hopeless case until sky befriended him.

Sky goes off to see Stella, who’s coming over, and Riven gets up to creepy-flirt with Dane.  Apparently Dane accidentally putting a like on one of Riven’s sexy pics is something that could ruin him before the whole school?  I guess it could out him.  There is something sexual in Riven’s menacing, he’s sitting right next to Dane with their faces close together.

And then Riven un-creeps completely and starts giving Dane advice about “chose your friends wisely, focus.  Being a good specialist is about strategy not how big and strong you are.”  then he calls a big specialist named Mikey over for a bout and takes him down handily.  He turns to Dane with a big wholesome grin, “You see?”

Uh. I guess Riven is your standard perv; when he’s not being creepy he’s very likeable.  Makes you want him to not be the kind of guy he so clearly is.

Over with Sky, Stella’s asking him where they might keep the Burned One. Sky says he’ll break out the maps, and suggests they tell Dowling. But Dowling took an oath to the queen, and if the queen found out Stella lost the ring… Stella looks teary-scared.  What of, exactly? She hugs Sky and maybe it’s just my pity for this poor washed-out Stella but I do get the vibe that she’s not being a queen bee, she’s scared and Sky is helping her and it’s not about romance. Then silva comes over and she covers it up with, “so just let me know about the Celtic runes quiz when you find out.  Thanks Sky.”

Huh. Using earth runes for Otherworld magic.  I feel an extra post about this comin’ on.

Stella leaves.  Silva doesn’t even have to give Sky a look, Sky says, ‘you don’t have to lecture me, I’m lecturing myself for it in my head.’  Heh.  And Silva says, ‘My guess is you would ignore your own lectures as well.’  Hah!  And they have a great little teacher-student chat.  Silva promised Sky’s dad to look after him, and the famous Andreas of Eraklyon would’ve said the same thing but with more profanity.  Heh.

Is Sky’s dad dead?  I got the vibe he died in the last magic battle with the Burned Ones but I don’t think they’ve actually said it. Anyway, good lil scene there, show!

We go now to Bloom’s room where she has, ooh! A spell book!  Of Celtic runes!  It’s a fat book, and ok I only know the Norse runes but there’s only 24 of ‘em and you could maybe squeeze out a few pages of meanings and uses for each one plus readings and ok if you added lots and LOTS of spells...  And the Celts didn’t use runes, strictly speaking, they used the Ogham alphabet which is basically runes being an alphabet of straight lines but it does have its own name.

Her other book is called Magical Flora and Fauna.  

While she unpacks these books from her bag Bloom is on the phone with her mom.  Bloom describes her roommate as, ‘Perfect.  Overachiever, athlete, morning person...’ and mom says, ‘and you get to spend so much time with her...” just savoring it, but in a joking way. This conversation was very sweet.  And Bloom’s mom has a watch set to Switzerland time so she knows it’s time for Bloom to go to bed. that’s really sweet.  It’s clear Bloom’s parents do love her, but how regular were meltdowns like the one that set the house on fire?  Like Riven, people can be both great people and horrible people.

And they are so unlike Mike and Vanessa that I’m not calling them Mike and Vanessa.  Fate clearly didn’t mean for them to be the same characters.

Late afternoon outside.  Beatrix approaches Riven and enlists him to break into Dowling’s office because he seems like a “proper delinquent.” and also ���because you’re a guy and I’m hot.” Pfft!  Uh.  Go, Beatrix?  Own your power?  “Or did I underestimate the depth of your character?”  Heh.  Beatrix heads off without waiting for Riven’s answer.

In the cafeteria Aisha and Musa get dinner.  Aisha is wearing a bright yellow ankle-length skirt what is with the costumes in this show!  At least Musa’s got her appropriately colored red jacket.  She talks about her power being always on and how that makes crowded places a nightmare, and reads some people’s minds.  Then she reads one guy’s mind and meaningful music plays.  What is this?

They go sit with Terra and Bloom and Aisha is again on the ball trying to help Bloom figure out her emotions so she can control her magic because she’s worried bloom’s too distracted by the changeling thing.  And yeah everybody knows about that now.

Terra: “Oh is that why you were freaking out about the vessel that makes so much sense because that’s about the easiest assignment we’ll have aaaaand I’m making it worse.”  Musa had to signal Terra to shut up, but good save.  The girls are being nice to each other, I like that.  Aisha is epically bad at the skill of helping, but she is trying to help.  Gee, if only there were school councilors who had studied the skill of helping!  

Stella and Sky come over with a map of Alfea and Terra starts pointing out all the locations and starts a story from her childhood and even Stella’s glare won’t shut her up.

Sky sits down by Bloom and asks if she’s ok after last night.  “I think you’re freaking out and pretending you’re not.”  

Poor Stella can’t decide who she hates more, chattering Terra or talkin’-to-my-guy Bloom!  Hope Stella gets her head on straight about Sky soon.  After Musa and Riven in season 8 my eyes have run out of roll. 9_9  

They figure out the likliest place for the Burned One to be chained up and Stella says, “We just have to go there and get my ring.” But Musa and Aisha say this isn’t a “we” problem, more of a “you” problem.  Stella pulls out her worst side and says to Bloom, “But ‘I’ didn’t lose it.” and Bloom’s down to go.  Even knowing she has no control over her magic.  But the Burned One is chained up and drugged with some oil that Terra’s father makes.  Called Zambak or something.  They can maybe get some more.  that’s sensible. Nasty Stella says, ‘thank you Terra, thank you Bloom for taking responsibility, and everyone else thanks for… nothing.’ and smirks and gathers up her map.

Yeesh, Stella’s catty!  

Also, how do they know Dowling and Sliva haven’t already searched the Burned One?  Do Burned Ones have pockets?  And Burned Ones carry a disease that kills you if you get scratched by one, so is it even safe to touch them at all?  Does Stella have a plan for a magical hazmat suit or something?  Have y’all really thought this through?

I think Bloom stealth rolls her eyes at the cattyness, and then she goes outside.  To what looks like a hedge maze with a pond where IS this place?  Sky follows and says, ‘You don’t have to go along with what Stella says just because she’s got a… strong personality.”  But Bloom’s mind is made up which makes her also a strong personality.

Sky awkwardly explains he dated Stella last year and they had a rough breakup, trying to set out his situation for Bloom so she won’t think he’s ‘that guy’ but Bloom sensibly points out they only met yesterday and she already has enough complication in her life.  

Meanwhile our conspirators are working out Dowling’s schedule in a library somewhere.  Riven knows already!  Dowling’s secretary is named Callan.  

And Riven is trying soooo hard to prove he’s a bad boy.  Hood up, pouring booze from a decanter, saying he smokes weed with his vape. If you gotta try that hard, you have already failed.

Beatrix meanwhile is petting the books.  She’s not after test answers, she’s beyond the stuff they teach.  She wants secrets.  “the history of this place is a lot darker than Dowling an the rest of the faculty want us to know.’

Riven: “So wait you’re like some hot fucked-up history nerd.’  Heh.

And Beatrix comes over and sits on Riven and the camera thankfully doesn’t make us watch them making out!

Musa’s in the cafeteria, she detects that guy again.  She follows him-- to a closed door.

Bloom’s gone back to the stone circle!  The vessel is still there, which seems stealable, and we see it’s full of crystals.  Bloom opens her red notebook and we see her notes “clear mind = emotional control + stronger magic” and “positive magic > lasts longer.”  But just as she starts trying to summon fire…

“I hear you’re broken.  In more ways than one.”  Stella, that was mean and that costume does nothing for you.  Are long skirts in style in Italy?  Heck, they could be in style in America for all I know, I haven’t seen other people in ten months.

Stella briefly acts nice, telling Bloom her notes are the problem magic has to come by feel.  Then she turns and starts a mocking list of things she thinks Bloom might have listed as sources of positive emotion. Then Stella goes for the changeling thing, and pushes Bloom to use her rage to call fire.  Bloom summons fire and jumps back.  Stella says, ‘What?  You think you’re done?” So Stella is going to just abuse Bloom to get her magic working?  Great, just great.  Ugh. I suppose later on she’ll say, “It had to be done, we didn’t have time for you to figure it out the normal way.’ and that’ll be fine and nobody will punish Stella for creating a danger to herself and the whole school.

Also, Stella goes for “worthless changeling” which ok anything will be nasty in that voice but what’s wrong with being a changeling?  not like Bloom had any say in what her parents did when she was just born.  And Aisha called it barbaric… was changeling-swapping used for some awful purpose back in ancient times that created a stigma? What?  I sense worldbuilding, and Fate you’d better deliver!

Or there is no stigma to being a changeling and Stella’s just poking Bloom where it hurts.  Or if Stella knows about the mysterious Rosalinda she may have put the dates together and realized Bloom could be the daughter of the great heroine and destined for main-characterhood.  And Stella may be getting jealous.

Also 2, Stella’s basically using Sith philosophy.  Didn’t you ever see Star Wars, Stella?  Heck, maybe she has and she’s doing it on purpose.

Also 3, I may need to do a separate post about magic and emotion.  It’s easier to get to angry from happy than to happy from… anywhere. it’s just how brains work.  So everybody ever would discover rage works better and… I don’t even know where the worldbuilding would have to go from there.

Ok. That was a lot of thoughts and my mid-episode break on a Friday night.  (dinner, watched some Classic Doctor Who, wrote some fanfic, went to bed, got up, wrote more fanfic, walked my pokemons, and here we are again.) We rejoin the episode at definitely-night at Alfea.  Dowling has no lighting in her office.  Silva comes in saying the other realms have had zero Burned Ones sightings.  Silva wants to move the Burned One to the queen’s prison before the students start trying to find it. Silva is a sensible guy.  (also his first name is Saul, which I learned already on Tumblr.  I’m not the only one who thinks he’s a good character it seems.)

And I guess Dowling goes along with it because here come 3 black SUVs from the queen’s army, lookin’ very Jurassic Park as they roll across the fields.  No roads around Alfea I guess.  Doomful music plays.  I think something very Jurassic Park is about to happen to these poor guys…

Also, it’s day when before it was night.  Is it the next day?  A few days on?  Time & lighting in this show!

The soldiers stop when they see a dark figure, but it’s just someone in a cloak.  There’s a growl…

The girls waking up!  I guess it’s the morning of day 3 now.  Aisha makes her bed as Bloom snoozes away.  Aisha sees Bloom’s notebook, conveniently left open to Bloom’s notes about “Is Stella right that I should use hatred and fear?”  Aisha is concerned that her roommate is considering the ways of the Sith.

She talks to Musa about it on the way to (I presume) breakfast.  Bloom and Stella were ouit late last night.  But Musa thinks Aisha is just jealous that Bloom and Stella may be becoming friends.  And Musa’s eyes glowed so I guess that’s what Aisha was thinking?  Aisha changes the subject to the boy Musa’s chasing.  Musa says she senses him behind her but there’s nobody there… then he Kitty Prydes it in through the wall.  ‘Mystery solved.  Earth fairy.” and Aisha just calls him over and introduces the two of them and says Musa’s been stalking him.  As Musa quietly swears hatred to Aisha’s children unto generations, but is kind of laughing too.  Musa turns and Sam says, ‘Lucky me.” and Aisha leaves them to get acquainted.

We go to Terra in the greenhouse where she’s doing planty things and teaching Dane chemistry.  They have pipettes in the Otherworld, and they’re called pipettes.  Dane has a glass chemistry apparatus.  Is he doing chemistry or potions?  ‘Cause they are two different disciplines!

Terra coaxes a flower from a bud with her magic, and Dane says it’s cool. Cute scene.

Interrupted by Riven texting to ask if Dane is training or busy picking flowers.

More cuteness, Dane teases Terra asking if she’s making drugs, apparently meth exists in the Otherworld too, and Terra tells him about the anti-Burned One oil she’s making.  Dane is helping with preparation while Terra does the magic bits.

Riven sends a picture of someone picking petals off a flower and Dane says he has to go.  Poor Terra is abandoned.

Riven is in a dark room smoking.  He shows Beatrix his phone and she says, ‘Homophobic gay-bashing via gif. Truly you’ve reached your peak clever.”  Riven explains he doesn’t care if Dane is gay, he wants to make him less lame.  Well-intentioned bullying.  That is weirdly thought-out, Riven.  

Sky comes in so I guess we’re in Sky and Riven’s dorm.  Beatrix offers him her vape pen and he declines.  Riven isn’t worried about having a girl in the boys’ dorm because Silva went off to meet the soldiers coming for the Burned One.  Beatrix knows Sky is dating Stella and asks if it’s weird having sex with someone who looks just like him and I snicker.  Sky is unmoved.

Beatrix heads off to the library and Sky says, “I don’t have time to tell you all the reasons that is a bad idea.”  Riven just waves it off.

Over with Bloom and Aisha, Bloom’s trying to write a paper when Aisha interrupts to spill the beans about seeing the notebook and says Stella’s “methods are unreliable” and she’s maybe not the best magic teacher.  Bloom just focuses on “you read my notebook?” and asks Aisha to stop trying to help.

Stella arrives in that big olive coat to say the Burned One is about to be moves, their mission needs to happen now.  The coat is something the real Stella would never wear in a million years, but I find myself approving of a practical choice in adventure wear.

Sam and Musa are chatting happily.  Sam is trying to guess what he sounds like in Musa’s head.  Guess she heard emotion as music.  Musa says he sounds like “an absence of chaos.”  And sam describes his power which he calls “boring through anything natural.”  I’ll just call it phasing because obviously.

Terra texts Musa for help in the greenhouse.  I do believe we’re leaping into action.

Stela, Bloom and Aisha stride across the grounds.  Aisha calls Stella “Army Barbie” so wait they have Barbie dolls in the Otherworld?  How does that work, pallets of dolls get spirited away from the Mattel factory?  Stella spends a long time saying Aisha was not invited. But Aisha is coming along, they need her.

Stella: “I fixed her.”

Aisha: “Negative emotions are unreliable. They have limits. Your method won’t help her in the long run.”

Bloom points out neither of them are helping at the moment.  Stella and Musa arrive and the five of them cross the barrier to go find the Burned One.

They find the barn quick, but the Burned One is already gone.  Stella again sounds teary and holds the chains saying “No, my mum’s going to kill me...”

Musa gets a bad vibe and she and Terra follow it.  Suddenly Musa is struck down by a blast of empathic pain.  Ah crap, here are the soldiers, very dead!  Oh good, Silva is just grievously wounded.

But Bloom lagged behind at the barn.  Aisha and Stella go look for her while Terra and Musa hopefully save one of the three adults in the cast.  

Bloom is wandering through the forest, summoned by magic one assumes because this is a bad time to wander off.

Yikes, poor Silva is infected with Burned One venom and not in his right mind!  Luckily Terra takes charge, vines the guy up before he can stab them, and tells Musa, ‘He’s scared, I’m not.  Focus on me.”  the anti-Burned One oil will help with the infection.

Aisha and Stella follow Bloom through the dark forest.  Stella tries to summon light but can’t make it work and Aisha says, ‘I don’t have time for this, go back to school.” and walks off.  So the three of them are now separated.

And there’s the Burned One!  It runs at Bloom, who sends fire at it. Even being on fire doesn’t slow it down but Aisha sends a wave that tosses it into a tree, impaling it through the chest on a branch! The girls creep in for a closer look and they see Stella’s ring, that the Burned One has buried in its flesh!  We don’t see that. The girls waffle about who should pull it out-- did none of you bring a pocket knife?  A stick?  Don’t touch the highly infectious monster!  But Bloom reaches in with her actual hands and grabs the ring and they flee.

Stella did go back to school.  She finds Sky and tells him what happened, that the Burned One got loose.  Sky immediately goes from, “How?” to “How are you?” making him a class A good dude.  Stella begins to cry and says her magic wouldn’t work.  Sky says, “Tell me everything.” when below in the cafateria Musa and Terra enter with the injured Silva.  Terra takes charge, ordering medical help and for Dane to come help them get Silva to the greenhouse.  I guess there’s no infirmary here?  Maybe all the medicines are potions.  Beatrix runs to get Dowling and Sky and Stella rush down to help.

  And we learn Sam is Terra’s brother.

Beatrix rushes into Dowling’s office, tells the news, and Dowling and Callan rush out.  Leaving Beatrix right where she wants to be.  She lightnings up her hands and Dowling’s secret passage slides right open for her.

Down in the greenhouse Terra’s dad Harvey says, ‘You saved his life, I’m so proud of you.” and Terra glows.  Silva is battered but himself again and tells Sky he’ll be fine and sends the students out before telling the adults the real news.  The Burned One was freed and waiting for them.

Beatrix can’t get through the secret door.  There’s a barrier on it. Dowling’s assistant Callan comes in and catches her, but he’s a baddie too!  He says turning loose the Burned One was a good distraction but he can’t get through the trap on the secret door because he’s not a fairy and that’s why “he” sent Beatrix.

The plot thickens!  A mysterious boss-villain has emerged!  And Beatrix, that is a lot of lipstick.

Evening of day 3, getting ready for bed in the dorm.  Terra texted, Silva will be ok but they should prepare for a lecture.  But bloom’s more interested in teasing Aisha about her toothbrush.  

Stella turns up and says while the others were in the woods she was covering for them at school and Bloom should be grateful.  Which is a total lie.  Bloom returns the ring, joking about what she had to do to get it and Stella says right over her, ‘let;s never talk about this day again.” and leaves.

Sky arrives.  And looks at Bloom, then goes into Stella’s room.  The door shuts behind them with great finality.

So… does “being turned on” count as an emotion for the purposes of magic?  That would make the worldbuilding very odd indeed.  We’d have the Sith and the… hmm… Bacchanates?  Supposedly followers of Bacchus who ran around drinking, having orgies, and tearing apart small animals with their bare hands in the lust of the hunt.  They probably didn’t exist in our world, but in the Fate world they’d make sense.

Also would people with mental illnesses have stronger magic?  Bipolar mania is a heckofathing from what my psych textbooks say.

Anyway Bloom and Aisha talk before going to bed, Aisha apologizes for helping too much, says it’s all new to her too.  Bloom says she wandered off from the barn because she felt something.  “a connection to that thing.”  She talks about how she’s kind of given up on understanding but, “opening up emotionally the magic’s all around me.  And that’s new and kinda scary.”

A meaningful silence falls, and when Aisha looks over Bloom’s eyes have gone blank white!

Boring ending music this time.  i guess the themes from this episode are 1) lots of characters do really awful things and also likeable things.  either this show has nuanced characters or it doesn’t know what the heck it’s doing with its characters.  I’m not sure.  and 2) Has this magic=emotion thing really been thought through?

[claryaastark]

Endlessly

04162020

March 25, 1920

Dear You,

I am writing this letter just to let you know that I still miss you so much, my love. Being far from home is not easy, I made a lot of adjustments here in our dormitory. We do a lot of scheduled daily tasks, also the housemistress is very strict. I cannot eat my mom's special calderata, I don't really like the foods here, the amount is small and it tastes way too different from my mom's cooking. I miss the smell of my father's brewed coffee as I woke-up every morning. I miss the sound of the water from the Estero and the cool breeze of the wind from my window. I miss Binondo, and most importanly, you.

It's 8:30 in the evening, the housemistress will do the head count and evening checking at 9. Writing this letter for a short span of time is not easy, especially now that I am expressing how much I long for you. I still remember the first time that we met. I was riding the Kalesa with ate Maria, on the Calle Escolta. And I saw you lifting a sack of flour on the famous Pan De Sal bakery. You held my hand and help me get down from the Kalesa to get the orders from your shop. And that moment of time, I fell inlove with you. I remember the times when I used to sneak from our house's window during dark and we are going to ride the boat and roam along the Estero de Binondo. You are holding my hand, and we are both hoping not to get caught. As we look at the stars above, and the moon shines through us. We used to do a morning walk on the Calle Real Palacio and enjoy the scent of the fresh Kalachuchi. You also love to pick a pink gumamela, and put it beside my ears while telling me how lovely I am and how much you want to be with me.

I can't also forget the time that you held the guitar and sing for me in the Plaza Moraga during the town's feast. I was so happy that time and I feel like I was the luckiest woman in the world. You held my hand, and asked for the permission of my parents. And we danced. We danced under the stars while you speak to me, telling me how beautiful I am that night, telling me how much you appreciate me. After that, you ask me to marry you and I said yes. We were just so happy.

But the world is uncertain and things always change. Two months before our wedding day, a letter came to me. I was accepted by my dream university here in Baguio City. This is something that I've been waiting for a very long time, this is my dream. But chasing this dream for myself also means losing you. And I don't want that to happen. I tried not to chase this dream for myself and just be happy with you. But you pushed me, you pushed me to do this for myself. You made me choose this dream instead of you. It's hard, but you promised that you will wait for me. Even if it takes forever.

But promises are meant to be broken. I know that you won't read this letter and there is no chance of seeing you again. But I want you to know, that I still mourn for you. That I will never have the chance to move on and get over from that night. That night when a letter came to me telling that you died from an accident. It still feels like a dream to me. All our hopes, all of the things that we planned together were just gone, in a snap. I can't do anything, I can't force things to happen. It hurts, I still cry every night my love. I miss you so much. And writing this letter is just my way to live in a dream. A dream that you and I are still together. Maybe another place, maybe another time. Till then, let's say goodbye I see you in another life. You will always be my love, my life and my everything. I know that will meet again, someday. Someday.

Forever Your Love

~

Today is March 25, 1970. It was so weird that I saw this letter out of nowhere while cleaning my dorm. And upon reading this, I didn't notice that I was already crying. I can feel the pain of the woman who wrote this. I don't know who this person is, nor the ending of their story but I hope that she found her happiness.

I pick the letter and put it on the box of my stuff. I insert my newly purchased CD on the Sylvania console stereo. This is a gift from my father before I left Cebu to study here in Baguio city. He knows so well that I love music so much and it was some sort of magic that makes me feel comforted. I played Let It Be, the last song that was released by my favorite band, The Beatles. Two weeks had passed since Paul McCartney stated that he is leaving the band. It was heart breaking especially for me, who is a big fan of this band. Sadly, I prepare for my morning class while listening to their last song.

Long day was over. Everything is just typical. Acads, people, routine. Though it was still tiring. I am a Fine Arts student in University of The Philippines here in Baguio City. Living an independent life is not easy. I miss my family so much, I miss my mom's cooking, my dad's silly joke as we spend our time under the mango tree during siesta. I miss my friends in Cebu, the sea, the farm. I miss everything about my home. The sun is setting and I am walking along the busy street of the Session Road while wearing my earphones. I decided to eat my dinner alone on Inihaws, my favorite restaurant here. While eating my dinner, I noticed a boy who keeps staring at me. I tilted my body to block his view, it feels awkward and creepy. As I continue to eat my food, I can see on my peripheral vision that he is still staring at me. I heaved a sigh and look directly to his eyes, I waved my hand and patted the seat beside me. Asking him to come and sit.

“What are you staring at?" I asked arrogantly.

He pouted his lips, pointing my plates and artworks. Ah, so he's looking at my artworks.

“What about them?" I asked him.

“They're nice and classic, I love them. Fine arts?" He talks so manly and attractive, uhh?

“Yup. There is just something that I saw this morning which inspired me for my plate today"

I explained as we both looked on the sketch of a woman riding a Kalesa, and a man who is holding her hand, they are both alive and smiling. They are the people on the letter that I read this morning.

The conversation went smoothly. I found out that he is an Architecture student on Saint Louis University, we are both into arts. I got no stuff to do this evening, so I decided to go with him as he asked me to have an evening walk along the Session Road. We talk about our interest, arts, music, things that we are fond of. We got a lot of things in common. He talks a lot, and I like how quick-witted he is as he tells a lot of jokes. We didn't notice the hour, it was already 10 in the evening. I do not as well, but I don't feel scared on this man that I just met few hours ago. I feel comfortable and we have this sort of connection like we knew each other on the past. We spent the night telling each other's story. We went to his small art room, and he painted me. He ask me to hold a plastic flower as I smile while he is painting me. It seems like I met a stranger, and this whole night is like a fairy-tale.

It was already 3 in the morning, we are sitting on the grass while we look on the city lights below. It was so beautiful. As well as the man beside me, he is lovely. I didn't ask for his name but it feels like I already know him so well. He tilted his head on my direction and caught me staring at him, he smiled and out of nowhere, his face turns sad.

“I'm married" he said.

I was shocked. I was hurt, and there is something that stings on my chest.

“I know you since we were freshmen, I first saw you sketching on the Inihaws. You are alone and you seem so committed with your passion. I find it so adorable, the way you move your hand, the way you put your hair on the side of your ears. The way you frown your forehead as you make some mistakes. I fell in love with you, the first time I saw you. Since then, I always follow you. I see you walking on the street while wearing your earphones. I always see you eating alone on the Inihaws. I always see you smiling on the street vendors, you are adorable as you say your good morning to them. And when I finally decided to introduce and show myself to you. My mom from Sagada called me. Asking me to come home. That day, I went home to Sagada. I saw my ex-girlfriend, and she has a child — our child. We were a stubborn, inlove teenagers during high school. We broke up just like a typical puppy love story. But I didn't know, that I got her pregnant. My son is already two years old when she showed up. She can't raise our child alone, so she decided to tell it to me and my family. Two months after, we get married."

My heart is aching as I listened to his story, I feel bad for him, I feel bad for us. I didn't speak a word. I just let myself stare on the city lights below. I can't process my thoughts right now. Feels like the fairytale is finally over. Surprisingly, he held my hand.

“I love my son, he is the reason why I am working hard to become an Architect. I love her mother, but not the way that I love you from a far. I fell in love with you and you deserve to know it. I was so happy loving you from afar, and thank you for that. Maybe another place, maybe another time. Till then, let's say goodbye I see you in another life, Stella"

He called my name, and he left.

Those were the last thing that he said that night. And I never saw him again. Maybe, maybe someday we will have the chance to love each other not just from afar. We will be together, someday.

~

March 25, 2020. This is it, this is the day that me and friends are finally seeing each other! After one year of not meeting everyone because of College, we're finally going out today. We chose the art exhibit as a venue for our date today. I'm excited! I kissed my mom as I went downstairs for breakfast, she teased me that our plan for today will be cancelled because of my excitement. I love my mom so much but sometimes, I hate her for ruining my moments hmp. I eat my favorite egg roll and decided to ignore her.

The time is 2:30 in the afternoon. I am already prepared for today's meeting. I drove the car and play my classic OPM playlist. I love music so much, and I can't live without it. Kamikazee's Tagpuan is currently playing, I bang my head and sang along with the melody of the song. It's 4 in the afternoon when I arrived at the venue. It is odd because I see no familiar face here. I opened my phone to ask where they are, and found out that the exhibit plan was cancelled during the last minute. And they decided to just eat on the restaurant nearby our place. I don't know what to feel, I feel bad for not checking my phone before leaving the house. I feel bad for being excited, mom is right. I don't know but I kinda felt lazy to go on the restaurant near our place because I traveled to get here for 2 hours. My excitement just all went down. I get in the car and think. Upon fighting with my thoughts I decided to just stay here and continue the exhibit plan, alone. It is a new experience though.

I went inside and everything feels amazing. I’m not an artsy kind of person, I don’t have any talents in art but one thing is sure — I really do appreciate art. I love to spend my time on looking at the green grass outside, the blue sky above and the beauty of nature. I do love aesthetic things because it reminds me that despite of being cruel, beautiful things on this world still exist. The ambience is nice, the people are few but I can see that they are enjoying the paintings inside the hall. I walk and took a photograph of the artworks. After that, I posted it on my instagram story and send it to our group chat to tell them that I can’t make it on our dinner anymore. And I decided to just stay here and stick to the original plan.

I roam around the hall and appreciate the beauty of art. While walking, a painting caught my attention. It was a woman with curly hair, and she was smiling from ear to ear. She was wearing a floral dress and holding a piece of rose. The woman seems so happy and I can feel the genuine emotion of the one who painted it. Is her boyfriend the one who painted her? It was romantic. Suddenly, I feel something weird and unexplainable on my chest, I can really feel something on this painting. Something that is connected with me.

“It was nice and classic, isn’t it lovely?”

I was shocked when someone has spoken out of nowhere, I tilted my head on the direction of the voice, it was a man. He was wearing a black shirt, and he is holding a camera. He is smiling sincerely while looking at the painting, weird but it seems like the voice came from the painting itself.

“Uhh yes. This painting feels so real and sincere. I can feel the emotion of both the painter and the subject” I said while looking directly at the painting. And I was smiling.

Our conversation went smoothly, and it seems like I found an instant date. He talks a lot and I found out that we were on the same University. He is an Engineering student, and he loves to play the guitar. I felt fascinated because I was attracted with men who are inclined to music. We roam around the hall and we were just so happy. Finally, long day is over and we bid our good byes. But before that, he asked for my phone number.

Oh shoot. I forgot to ask his name. But nevermind, I still have a lot of chance to meet him again. I smiled as my phone beeps and I got a text message from an unknown number.

“Take care, I had a good time. See you around” -Mr. Engineer

That’s the text message. I went home with a big smile on my face, the date with my friends have been cancelled. But I found a new experience today. Something more happy, and amazing. I lay in bed and look at the ceiling of my room along with its fake galaxy. I smiled as I remember the man that I met few hours ago. While giggling, I replied on his text message.

“Good night, Mr. Engineer! Had a good time too” -Ms. Psychologist.

To sum it up, we talk on the phone everyday. He always made my day, he always make me smile. He jokes a lot and he had a lot on his mind. He is quick-witted and very manly. After a few weeks of talking, I admit that I already had a crush on him. Along with that, we decided to spend our time together. And as time passed by, I am knowing him more and more.

We had the same interest in almost everything. We watched the same movies together. We listen to our favorite songs. We eat our favorite foods. Though we never share any of our favorite foods, especially him who can fight with anyone who touches his food, even me. We travelled places to taste various delicacies. We went to church regularly to pray. He became a part of my everyday. He loves picking a flower and putting it on the side of my ears. He loves playing the guitar for me.

It was really nice, to found someone who appreciates every little thing on you. Someone who can lend his ears and shoulder to listen. Someone who can cheer you up whenever you are feeling down. He loves kissing me, but loves hugging me more. I felt home and safe on his arms. It was weird but there is something that is telling me, that we really had the connection and we knew each other a very long time ago. All that he made me feel was something new. It was my first time, to fall inlove with someone. I had no doubts and regrets.

But the world is always uncertain, there are lots of things that we are unsure, so is us. We are just happy, and then in just a snap we parted our ways, and we fell apart. Maybe another place, maybe another time. Till then let’s say good bye, I see you in another life. I know that he is a blessing from God, and whatever it takes. We will meet again, someday.

Parang isang panaginip, Ang muling mapagbigyan, tayo ay muling magkasama.

Panatag na ang kalooban ko, At ika’y kapiling ko na Kay tagal kitang hinintay

I smiled as this classic song by Spongecola played on my car’s stereo. Today is 25th of March, 2025. And I am finally seeing him again. I smiled, a nervous smile mixed with excitement.

It was weird because last night, as I was fixing my stuff in our Ancestral house in Bagac, Bataan, I saw an old box . It was a collection of CDs, some of the albums are from The Beatles. And I saw a very old letter, the pen was already disappearing and it was already stained. The letter was from March 25, 1920. It was very old ; a hundred and five years ago. Along with the letter, I also saw an artwork. A sketch of a woman riding a Kalesa, and a man who is holding her hand, they are both alive and smiling on this artwork. I asked mom about this stuff, and she said that it belongs to my great grandmother, Stella. It was her stuff during her college days on Baguio City.

Anyway, after the very long wait. I am finally seeing him again.

The hall is full of people. I am wearing a red polka dots dress, I know that black is his favorite color but I want to show him something new. It seems like I was lost in the crowd and I can’t see him anywhere. But as I was walking through the sea of people, someone held my hand and whispered.

“You look so beautiful, baby. You never changed” I got teary-eyed as I heard his voice. Oh God, I miss him so much. I miss this man. The man that I lost and the same man that I found again. The long wait is over, we finally have the chance to be with each other. I hugged him tight, the only man that I ever loved, love and I will love wherever and whenever.

“Baby, I’m no angel, I’m just me. But I will love you endlessly” those were the words that I whispered through his ear.

“We parted our ways together, we fell apart but fate will always make a way for us. Time will always tell. In another place, in another time, we will always be together, our love is endless”

Words that I said, while directly looking into his eyes.

It’s 25th of March, year 2030. And today is our wedding day.

[hoaxexistence]

How I Met Your Mother.

This show inhabit a special place in my heart, and that is why my first show review here will be about it. The most controversial ending in the 21st century television. I'll start. Spoilers alert obviously.

Season 1 - We were introduced to this life of Ted Mosby. We got to know his friends, Lily, Barney, his best friend Marshall, and Robin. In this season, the audience's sympathy and feelings were with Ted. The feeling of finding someone to love and to have their feelings reciprocated equally. At some point, we were all Ted - stupid, indecisive, hopeless romantic. He's smart, supportive and loving and we saw that in the first season.

Season 2 - Since Ted is stupid, he cheated on someone for someone who isn't sure with him. Yes, last season, he cheated on Victoria for Robin. Crazy. Still, he's a great friend anyone could ask for. He never leave Marshall when Lily left and supported his sadness. In this season, I saw Barney's heart. He is more than a womanizer that he always wanted to portray. He does care. Takeaway in this season, I realized that love is something that most people search and never find that's why when you find that person you feel like you want to spend your life with, you do something about it and you keep them. Lily and Marshall proves that. And that it's not bad to chase your dreams as long you know how to weigh things. And art is life.

Season 3 - "it's funny how sometimes you just find things." In this season, Lily and Marshall started to build their own life by owning their own house (kinda redundant but who cares?). Ted, who still believe in love, dated again. Robin tried to live her life in the way she thinks suits her. The takeaway in this season is that when you have a dream, you gotta hold on to them. It can be hard, there will be obstacles along the way and we should face them because those can be the path that can lead us to where we supposed to be. Risking is not that scary if you know you got the right people with you.

Season 4 - Finding your purpose. I'm not one to talk about this topic because I personally have no idea about mine. But in this season, I felt the same way with Ted (I totally relate to him and I hate it) about what he wanted to do. It was a bumpy road for the gang in terms of their personal life and career, but in the end, Ted decided to teach (damn it, just to be clear, I never wanted to be a teacher, oh fvck, what if I end up like him?) Anyway, season takeaway: if you feel like you do not fit in to something, probably, you have to leave. Some things may be waiting for you to discover and you just haven't found it yet because you're stuck trying to push yourself into something you're not for. And you may be doing other people a favor by doing so.

Season 5 - "You can ask the universe for signs all you want. But ultimately we only see what we want to see, when we're ready to see it." A good season. Lily and Marshall's character were growing. Barney, kept his awesome self but his character keeps on showing softness which can be visible every now and then. Robin, well I personally don't like her (probably because I see myself in her, dammit) Ted, on the other hand, never stop believing in love tho he did doubt it when Stella left him at the altar and in some parts at season 2. But he's Ted Mosby, he'll start believing again. My personal favourite episode in this season I think, is 'the last cigarette ever', I don't know, I just love the friendship that was shown on that episode. Anyway, season takeaway: when you ask for a sign, that's already a sign. And you can't force your way out into something because you got to deal with them at some point.

Season 6 - "Sometimes things need to fall apart to make way for better things" yea that's the exact quote but I like to say it this way: some things fall apart so that better things can fall together. Same thought but better right? Yea, whatever. Lol. This season is full of emotions. Like a lot of emotions. I can say that the writers really outdid themselves. Marshall's father died, which I never saw coming. And tell you what, I've seen the show four times and I still cry on that scene. And Barney, he met his dad, and that scene on his dad's court, that broke me. Neil's acting was superb. Season takeaway: forgive people. Forgive yourself. Enjoy the little things. Appreciate each moment. Cherish the people who make you feel loved. Never hurt other people intentionally and make wise decisions. That's quite hard, but I guess doable.

Season 7 - "Not because something needs to be said, does it mean it needs to be heard." I don't know why I chose this quote for this season but I just did, so. Anyway, this is a good season, I loved this season, tbh. Lily gave birth to their son, Marvin. New beginnings, but Ted, somehow was still unable to settle his feelings. (I don't want to elaborate, just watch the damn show) And I hate him for being so dumb. There's this episode entitled, 'symphony of illumination' and 'tick, tick, tick' yea, those bummed me. I love how those episodes tugged my heart.

Shoot, two more seasons. Lol. Okay, FYI, it has been more than a year since I last saw the show, so everything I wrote here is based on memory and a little bit of help from ecosia so that I don't misquote them. Lol. Continue.

Season 8 - oh! this season, one of the best. The most elaborate proposal that I have ever seen. It was a blessing to the people. Jk. But, that proposal was so perfect I freakin cried. In this same season, Ted had a very touching imagination. He looked for his wife. He gave the lines - which I memorized, and told what he felt at that time and I just bawled like a baby the whole scene. It was perfectly sad and heart tugging. It was a premonition that I didn't see coming. Season takeaway: trust is important.

Season 9 - The season where most of the people were left unsatisfied. This whole freakin season revolved around Barney and Robin’s wedding. Yes, that was basically it. Jk. In this season they build up Barney and Robin’s love and then they give us the mother. It was great. Up until the last two episodes. The writers failed me. The love that they built up ended up with divorce. WTF ryt. Then the mother died. And that montage scene of her and Ted together, ugh I had nothing else to do but to let my tears flow. It was heartbreaking. Takeaway: things may not always go according to plan, life goes on and we move forward.

All in all. I was disappointed. The writers tried. And I salute them for trying and giving the audience a streched and realistic ending. Just like what I said before, It's not the destination, it's the journey. And still I love the show, all its plothole, all its bad side, all the inconsistencies, and all its flaws. I've learned a lot of lessons from it. The show has a lot of quotable life quotes. I discovered beautiful songs (the ost is superb). Discovered new shows. And it taught me how to appreciate life more. And for that I am so thankful. Here's a final quote, tho I'm still not fully confident with this:

"Because sometimes even if you know how something’s gonna end, that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the ride."

[danseinthefallout]

the art of danse - one

a paladin danse fanfiction

story warning; this story contains strong language, adult themes (such as violence, smut/NSFW themes, drug use, and other harsh themes) and canon and un canon language and story plots of Fallout 4 and Fallout 3.

summary; yea, the bombs may have fallen, but art and love have not. and of course, people still tell white lies

~~

word count; 3,6k

chapter one - idiots

Stella wondered how she stumbled in a police station, fighting feral ghouls with a man who battle cried. One minute she was looking for her friends, Lucas and Joanna and the next was involved in military business. She knew that they needed help, even one man in power armor couldn’t take all those ferals at once. She saw one of his men down, lazily shooting at them as a woman was tending to him. She was hoping to ask if they have seen her idiot friends and she would be on her way back to Endcliff in hopes they would be there. 

Stella was caught off guard by looking at the women tending to the man as he gave up as a feral flung at her, knocking her to the ground. This has happened more times then she’d like to admit. She reached for her gun as she used the back of it to bash in the skull of the feral ghoul. “Filthy fucker!” She yelled as she jumped back up and shot the feral in the head, just to make sure. The man in the power armor was fighting three more ferals, the number of them decreases. He seemed to have a hard time as one of them attacked his arm. Stella was a master at headshots and with three bullets and a steady eye killed each and every one of them. Stella looked down the street to see if any more were coming, but it was clear, thankfully. 

Stella was unsure if she should stay around, after all, she could tell this was the Brotherhood of Steel territory. She only knew that from the orange outfits and the symbols that were around the police station. A while ago she bumped into a wounding scribe by the name of Danny. The man in the power armor came up to Stella as she held her gun close to her chest. Stella looked at the man’s face and couldn’t help notice how handsome he was. Her face grew red but hoped he didn’t notice due to the blood that was splattered on her skin. “We appreciate the assistance, civilian. But what’s your business here?” The man asked, his voice deep and more calming then his battle cry. Stella raised an eyebrow, remembering the idiots she called family. She let out a smirk, hoping that they didn’t get kidnapped by raiders… again.

“Looking for two idiots. Who are you?” Stella asked nodding her head at the man. Stella put her gun back in her hoser as she crossed her arms. 

“I’m Paladin Danse, Brotherhood of Steel. If I appear suspicious, it’s because our mission here has been difficult. Since the moment we arrived in the Commonwealth, we’ve been constantly under fire. If you want to continue pitching in, we could use an extra gun on our side,” The paladin spoke. Stella could use this to her advantage.

“Will do, but I need your help in return,” Stella spoke. “You know those idiots I referred too? Their the closest thing to family I got. It’s like them to trail off and get kidnapped by raiders or hideout for 2 days surrounded by feral ghouls. This time they promised me they would stay close and well, no one other than me is here. We’re from Endcliff, so making our way to the middle of the Commonwealth is a mission. Luckily, I got a signal from one of my teammates and it led me to Cambridge. Any help would mean a lot before I make way back home to see them there or not,” Stella sighed, frustrated at Lucas and Joanna. She hated traveling back home alone.

“Over there is Scribe Haylen and Knight Rhys, Haylen will help decode the signal for you and track down where your team is, but we need your help,” The paladin spoke as Stella put a hand on her hip, listing.

“What do you need me to help with?” Stella asked

“We’re on recon duty, but I’m down a man and our supplies are running low. I’ve been trying to send a distress call to my superiors, but the signal’s too weak to reach them,” Stella could see the worry in the paladin’s eyes and couldn’t help but feel bad for him and his team. The women that were tending to the man, now known as Scribe Halen turned to Stella and Danse, butting in.

“Sir, if I may?” Haylen began.

“Proceed Haylen,” Danse instructed, Stella, raised her brow.

“I’ve modified the radio tower on the roof of the police station, but I’m afraid it’s not enough. What we need is something that will boost the signal,” Haylen informed Paladin Danse and Stella.

“We need a deep range transmitter, our target is ArcJet Systems. We secure the area, get the transmitter and bring it back here. Will you be willing to help us get it?” Danse asked.

“I said yes, didn’t I? Let’s get you a new transmitter,” Stella smiled.

“Sounds like a plan, stay behind me,” 

***

Fucking synths! Stella had to fight first-gen synths just to get that stupid transmitter. Almost died twice, but with a little will, she got that transmitter. Haylen was decoding the signal she got on her Pip-Boy to see where Lucas and Joanna where. Danse and Stella were making their way back to the police station, Danse was explaining some stuff on their way there and back, but Stella kind of blacked out on the conversation, really focusing on her friends. She did look at him a lot, she hasn’t found a man that good looking in a while. Stella noticed how he spoke and how serious he was. She’d hope that she could travel with him again, but she knew after this, she has to find her friends and go back to Endcliff.

As they walked down the road back to the station, Paladin Danse broke the silence and looked at the women who held her gun tightly. “You mentioned you’re from Endcliff, why are you way out here?” Danse asked, breaking his serious military character. Stella thought for a moment and looked up at the man in armor.

“We’re on a supply run as well as a manhunt. A raider gang came though Endcliff a few weeks ago, stole some important technology from us, killed 3 of our people, and injured 6. That never happened to us before. Luckily, me and my friend Luna killed them, but their leader left with the tech piece we need most. We’re hoping to find that bastard and get that back,” Stella was vague on the subject but specific enough because she felt like she could trust Danse.

“I’m sorry to hear that citizen. I hope you track down and kill that scum,” Danse said with compassion.

“Name is Stella Kennedy by the way. I was a vault dweller for most of my childhood. Vault 101. I was 12 when I escape after a kid left to find their father. I guess I kinda wander off, found some friends at Little Lamplight and spent a year there. Became friends with Mayor… fuck was it MacKenny? Cready? Anyways...” Stella trailed off. “Shit… that must have been 10 years since that bullshit happened,” Stella smirked to herself.

“Vault 101 and Little Lamplight was in the Capital Wasteland, right?” Danse asked with suspicion.

“Yes, sir. I spent most of my days wandering around until I was 15 I made my way to the Commonwealth where I meet Lucas and Joanna,” Stella smiled. 

“I grew up in the Capital Wasteland as well,” Danse smiled but also remembering everything that happened. 

“No shit soldier, where from?” Stella asked

“Rivet City,” Danse simply respond

“I’ve only been there a few times, I bought some junk there to build my first gun and only went there to get supplies when I was leaving for the Commonwealth,” 

 Danse could see the police station getting closer and closer. The two went inside as Stella gave the transmitter to Danse. Haylen walked over at the two.

“The signal is coming from Lexington, from the Super Duper Mart there. Hopefully whoever you’re looking for is there,” Haylen smiled.

“Thank you so much. Since I help you and you helped me, I think I won’t bother you and your team. Perhaps we’ll meet again,” Stella smiled.

“Wait, before you go, I have something for you,” Danse said

“No need to give me anything,” Stella said softly. Danse rolled his eyes and handed her a laser rifle. It was beautiful, to say the least.

“No need, as a soldier we always pay our debts. I modded it myself, it’s called Righoues Authority,” Danse smiled as Stella smiled back, her heart grew.

“Thank you Paladin Danse. I’ll return the favor, I promise. Say, if you’re ever near Endcliff, you should visit sometime. Benji will question you, but tell him I sent you. Where can I find you and your team after this?” Stella asked, taking the gun from Danse.

“Rhys and Haylen will stay put, I’ll be going back to the Prydwen. If you ever need me, come back here and we’ll get a vertibird to fly you there,” Danse said “If you ever want to become a soldier yourself, we’ll talk and I’ll be your sponsor,”

“Thank you for the offer, but I don’t think I’m soldier material. However, you’ll probably see me again,” Stella declined the offer.

“Ad victoriam,” Paladin Danse spoke. Stella knew what all that meet when she spent some time with Danny, smile smiled

“She doesn’t know what that means, why waste your breath,” Rhys scoffed

“To victory. Ad victoriam, to you Paladin. Thank you for everything,” And there Stella made her way to Lexington, with her head filled with Paladin Danse

***

Lexington was always a raider shit hole. It was sad that only raiders, ferals and even super mutants littered the place. Stella knew the ends and outs of the place, but always had to tiptoe just incase a landmine was placed and every raider and their dead mothers could hear it.

She scouted out the Super Duper Mart and saw some roaming ferals liter the place, but from the looks of it, most were dead. Probably from Joanna and Lucas. She could hear yelling from a raider in the back of the store. “How many times do I have to tell you? I’m going to kill you both and keep it. Then I’ll find your friend who killed my gang.” Stella’s jaw dropped. It was him. She felt her heart beating out of her chest as she crouched down. 

Although she didn’t know the three people that his gang killed all that well, she knew that justice had to survive for their families. She turned on the dim lights on her Pip-Boy as she made her way across the market, being careful to not make any noise. Last time she was here, ferals littered the store. 

She saw the greasy raider towering Joanna. Only Joanna. She was tied up in a chair. It made Stella sick to her stomach. But she started to wonder where Lucas was and her mind started to race. 

Stella made a plan, point, and shoot. She aimed her rifle at the raiders’ head, making a perfect headshot. When she pulled the trigger, nothing happened. Fuck! She thought she brought enough bullets for this mission, but she used the rest of her bullets on synths and ghouls. Ha, funny…

Stella saw as the raider integrated Joanna, but she couldn’t just walk in there, discuss the weather. She knew these sacks of shits, they’ll just kill Joanna and then her. Stella somehow forgot the gift the Paladin gave her and reached for it. She never actually used a laser rife before, so she was kind of excited to kill that scum bag with it. She put her rifle over her shoulder, took out the rifle and aimed. “Hey fuck face!” She screamed as the raider turned around and struggled to get his gun before Stella pulled the trigger a few times and blowing his leg off. Holy fuck, that Paladin is a killing machine if he made this.

The raider screamed in pain unable to do anything. “You fucking bitch!” He screamed, trying to crawl to Stella who rushed over to Joanna and untied the rope. Joanna went to a steamer trunk to retrieve her gun that Stella gave her on Christmas years ago and the piece that the raider stole from Endcliff

“Should we let him out of his misery?” Joanna asked as they fleed to the front door. Stella laughed, hearing the pain that the raider was in, desperate to escape.

“Never, he needs to feel pain for the people he killed,” Stella said as the left the market. “What happened to Lucas?” Stella asked with worry. Joanna held her gun.

“He went out looking for help, I think we went to that police station to ask for help, some Brotherhood of Steel members are held up there, heard it on my tracker when I made that distress call, hoping someone would help,” Joanna explained.

“Perfect, I was just there. Helped this really cute Paladin and his team was stranded. They said we can come back whenever I hope that’s true,” Stella doubted.

“Okay, you lead the way before ferals attack,” Joanna nodded. “Hey what’s up with you and the Brotherhood of Steel? Didn’t you hook up with a scribe back in the Capital Wasteland?” Joanna laughed making Stella blush.

“I was 15, he was 17, we dated, then we fucked, it just so happened that I was held up with some Brotherhood soldiers and he was one of them. We went over this!” Stella said, clearly embarrassed.

“What about Scribe Danny?” Joanna teased.

“We’re just friends,” Stella stated.

“That’s not what my eyes would tell me,” Joanna laughed as the walked down the broken road to the police station. Stella shoved Joanna, annoyed, but a small smirk formed her lips. “I’m so happy you figured out my signal. I was so scared and I never really felt that fear before. All I could think about when he was yelling at me was you and Lucas. I had hope, of course, but I started to expect my death. I only felt that way once before and that one time was the accident. I learned to accept my new life as a ghoul fast, that was before of you guys… I just couldn’t imagine a life without you two… or your life without me. Shit, sorry if that was deep,” Joanna laughed as Stella gave her a side hug.

“I’d get you if you ended up in the Institute or the Capital Wasteland. You’re my family, just like Lucas is,” Stella stated with full truth to her statement.

“I love you, Stella,” Joanna smiled as she stopped in her tracks, giving Stella the biggest hug.

“I love you more, Joanna. Thank you for everything these past seven years,” Stella let go and looked at Joanna, grabbing her shoulders. “Just remember you’re still Joanna. You’re not just a ghoul or a freak like those assholes in the Brotherhood think or the folks in Diamond City,” Stella preached as Joanna smiled and rolled her eyes. Joanna pushed her arms away and did the same thing to Stella.

“And goes to you, you’re more than a prototype, you’re the best goddamn gun modder in all the Commonwealth and you let me fuck up your hair when I can’t with mine,” Joanna laughed as she pulled on one of Stella’s dyed braids.

“Hey, I really like the split color look,” Stella shook her hair a little. “Also, don’t let the Brotherhood know I’m… whatever the fuck I am and I’ll tell them to suck my dick if they give you a hard time,” Stella smiled.

“If you think it’s a good idea…” Joanna sarcastically commented. “But I’ll probably just wear my gas mask when we get there,”

Approaching the police station, the two girls casually made way towards the door. Joanna put on a gas mask that she looted off a raider, she knew she couldn’t walk in and have the soldier happy to see her. That did hurt Stella to her core. She hated the new Brotherhood to be quite frank. The Brotherhood was never like that years ago. One of the soldiers gave her a weird look, not expecting to see the mysteries girl so soon.

“Is Paladin Danse still here?” She asked one of the Knights.

“Yes, civilian, you may enter,” The Knight stated. Stella entered the police station to see Scribe Haylen working on the transmitter and Knight Rhys planning something out on the table. Stella went up to Haylen and cleared her throat. Haylan looked up and smiled.

“Hey, Stella! You’re back sooner then I expected! And I’m assuming this is…” Haylen paused thinking of Joanna’s name

“Haylen this is Joanna and Joanna this is Haylen… I have a question,” Stella got to the point and leaned in.

“What would that be?” Haylen smiled.

“Has a dude by the name of Lucas, about yay high, blonde hair. Joanna told me that he was coming here for help,” Haylen put down her stuff and stood up straight.

“Yes, Paladin Danse went with him to look. I’ll call him telling them to abort their mission and come back to the police station. The two just left,” Haylen spoke as she went to the radio next to her. “Paladin Danse, come in Paladin Danse, head back to the police station, Joanna and Stella are here for Lucas, come in Paladin Danse,” Haylen spoke, hoping that he’d come in the other side. She waited a few seconds before a signal started to come in.

“This is Paladin Danse, aborting mission now,” 

“Now we just wait,” Haylen smiled.

“Thank you so much Haylen seriously. I wouldn’t know where to look for Joanna if it wasn’t for you,” Stella smiled.

“Why does your friend wear a gas mask?” Rhys burst out, causing everyone’s head to turn to him.

“Rhys, you can’t just ask why someone wears something?” Haylen said, annoyed.

“Yea I can… So, why is that? Is there something you’re hiding?” Rhys smirked. Stella rolled her eyes and although you couldn’t see it, so was Joanna

“Hey asshole, why do you care?” Joanna blurted out. That caused Rhys to stand up, pissed off.

“You’re speaking to a Brotherhood Knight, civilian. I subject you don’t speak to me like that, or there will be a problem; so I’ll as you again, what are you hiding… freak?” Rhys said slowly as he approached Joanna until he was close to her face. Stella felt herself tense up because she knew how Joanna can get when some asshole threatens her. Stella grabbed Joanna’s shoulders.

“How about we just wait for Danse and Lucas to get here, please,” Stella stated.

“Please, Rhys can you just let this go. Danse will have your head if he sees you acting like this. I’m so sorry you two,” Haylen pleed.

“Fine, but I will figure it out, I always do,” Rhys said as he walked away.

“He’s such an ass! I’m so sorry,” Haylen was so embarrassed, her face was red like a tato. 

“It’s fine, I’m use to that. I’m kinda burned up, don’t like showing my face a lot,” Joanna half lied.

“No need to explain. I don’t mind… Danse should be here any minute now,” Haylen stated as she started to finish up fixing the transmitter.

“Hey, thanks again, we’ll be outside and we’ll fight any more ferals that come this way,” Stella stated as she grabbed Joanna’s hand and went out the door. She didn’t want any gunfire especially when Joanna is on edge.

Stella turned to Joanna. “What the fuck was that Anna? I mean what the fuck for both of you… Please try not to get yourself killed AGAIN. We’re almost done, we got the piece and we just need Lucas and then we’re home free. Please… and also don’t say shit to this Paladin, at least don’t call him an asshole, he could be useful,” Stella begged as she hugged her rifle to her chest, looking up and down the road to check for ferals, the Paladin or the idiot she called Lucas.

“You just don’t want me to blow your chances to blow the Paladin. I bet he’s not that hot,” Joanna laughed.

“Ah! Shut up! I don’t have a thing for soldiers in the Brotherhood. It was a two-time thing, stop teasing me,” Stella was clearly annoyed, but Joanna loved it. Stella rolled her eyes as she looked down the street to see the Paladin in his power armor and Lucas. “Lucas!” Stella shouted as Joanna saw him and perked up. The two girls ran to Lucas and gave him the biggest hug as if they haven’t seen each other in ages. 

“What the actual fuck dude! I almost shit myself thinking you died,” Joanna shouted as she let go and looked at the Paladin. Stella was right. He was as sexy as fuck. “And this must be your knight and shining armor ready to take you away and fuck you, aye,” Joanna laughed.

“That is not appropriate, civilian,” Danse said with the most seriousness. Stella slapped her face.

“I’m so sorry Paladin. Thank you for everything. I will repay you… and before Joanna says anything, nothing sexual,” Stella said as she looked at Joanna who was doing that thing with her hands to indicate a penis and a vagina. You know that hand signal. Stella flipped her off. “Anyways, we should head back to Endcliff before people get a search team for us. Make sure to visit if you’re ever in the area. Goodbye,”  Stella smiled.

“Anytime, soldier. You have a character full of friends. I’ll make sure to use that opportunity,” Paladin Danse cracked a smile. “Ad victorim, Stella”

“Ad victorim, Paladin,”

Authors Note; I’ve been really into writing this story and I have already written 2 more chapters that I’ll post sooner than later! Thank you for reading and I will try to quench all of your Danse thrist and needs.

[emsartwork]

1. Aterix is my fan transformation based on the third gift of destiny in season 4! like it never made sense to me that the gift of wisdom gives you sophix, the gift of heart gives you lovix, but the “black gift” is used more like a magic object on someone else as opposed to increasing a persons magic in a specific way??? I’ll be designing and explaining more about those soon @mariloki4 2. The faunix designs are here, and i haven’t done their animals designs yet! 3. So in my version, guardian fairy is more of a title given to alfea enchantix graduates, they don’t really have any responsibilities to their planet or anything lol  @elf-from-the-ashes 4. hoo boy, like just from scratch visually with the plot the same??? probably not too different from what i draw now since i like to have the characters all look different, but again, if i have no starting point to jump off from i have no idea what decisions i would end up making haha 5. Thank you! and yes! I am planning on getting to world of winx and the season extras soon here. 6. lol right?? every transformation i try to do seomthign different with tecna’s hair cus she deserves it but sometimes its hard (also i am ALWAYS tempted to just cut the other girls’ hair like YOU get a pixie cut and YOU get a pixie cut EVERYBODY’S getting a pixie cut)  @theoretical-artist 7.  I drew daphne and diaspro here! i am gonna take another stab at diaspro soon tho, i don’t like what i did before 8. I don’t know that i have one? like whatever one im currently watching i get used to the voices eventually. Musa’s voice change in season 3 (idk which dub) is the only one that consistently bothers me 9. Sure! the hair color change is because i was trying to make her look less like a terrible clip art witch on crappy halloween decor lol. here are some other hcs! She likes to knit. She has sensitive skin and breaks out easily. She regrets what happened with Valtor, like she knows he needed to be stopped but wishes she could have saved him(this is primarily why she cuts the trix so much slack before expelling them) She’s a mix of a lot of different ethnicities(solarian, melodian, and zenithian are the strongest) and was born on Magix. 

10. Domino: Scotland/Ireland/tiny bit of China Solaria: Egypt/Greece/Italy Lynphea: Spain/Mexico/India/Persia Andros: Hawaii/Indonesia/Philipines/Afghanistan/ and weirdly a little bit of Canada towards the poles. Melody: Japan/China/tiny bit of Korea Zenith: Russia/Mongolia Eraklyon: England/France/Germany/Colombia Vaonaa: Australia/the USA if the pilgrims never happened Zhen: Mongolia/Korea Koyu: Turkey? this planet is a little fuzzy culture wise and the environment isn’t anything we have on earth.

11.  Domino: 2 Solaria: it varies. Lynphea: 1 Andros: 2 Melody: 3 Zenith: 4 Eraklyon: 2 Vaonaa: 2 Zhen: 1 Koyu: 3

12. these are gonna be a little sarcastic because of who i am as a person im sorry @beevolution Domino: Hi we’re not dead and we have some really great mountain resorts please help us rebuild our economy Solaria: Sunshine all the time! The latest fashions! Don’t get lost in the desert because you will never be found! Lynphea: If you want a relaxing cottage retreat in a meadow come here, if you want a DEATH DEFYING TOUR THROUGH THE MOST WILD TERRITORY OF THE MAGIX DIMENSION also come here. Andros: You like the ocean? you’ll like it here. You don’t like the ocean? fuck off. Melody: CONCERTS! LIVE SHOWS! LIVE TAPINGS! PERFORMING ARTS!!!!!!!!!  Zenith: Technological wonderland, probably have theme parks about technology. nerds.  Eraklyon: Wanna buy jewelry and not talk to people? this is the planet for you. Vaonaa: Wanna buy fabric and talk to a lot of people? this planet is for you. Zhen: *Communication and transport to ZHEN is currently unavailable. Please hang up and try again.* Koyu: bitch why tf would you come here our atmosphere is posion. I guess we have pretty lights and stones???

13. oh gosh i don’t know..... Im really bad at celebrities. I love gillian anderson’s voice, but she would probably voice one of the adults not one of the girls. I like zendaya, lana condor, aubrey plaza, and steaphanie beatriz too. but like. They’re all 22 and over. Ideally the actresses (voice or otherwise) would be 16-20 age wise.  14. @powerpuffninja934​ the wings can move a little! as long as the fairy isn’t trying to fly with the chronix wings they can move slowly. 15. Thank you! and that would be really fun! 16. I mean the short answer is yeah, they would. Fairy transformations are basically cheat codes. fairy magic is “earned” through little effort or practice on the part of the fairy its like a grenade, its powerful and wide range, but can cause unintentional damage. Anybody can throw a grenade, and there are different type of grenades for different purposed(flash, smoke, incendiary) but all of them can hurt innocent bystanders if not used correctly. Witch magic, and most of the masculine magic systems, is like a sniper rifle, it can take years and a lot of practice to gain a mastery of the tool, but has less risk of unintentional damage. if fairies had worse PR and weren’t thought of as “good” (compared to the witches PR being aligned with the ancestrals and “bad”) fairy transformations probably wouldn’t be allowed on the grounds that its unsafe and unnatural. @lowko​  17. So magic is like a type of radiation/energy. Core Magic is like the electrical impulses that run the human body, its normal, safe, and part of the body. Natural Magic is like sunshine, its normal, safe(in low doses), and necessary. Ethereal magic is like a nuclear bomb. Its insanely powerful, targeted, and created/manipulated by the ethereal fairies usually for a specific purpose. Wild magic is like a cross between a freshwater spring and a natural radiation/electricity source(lightning?) its normal and part of the environment, but its dangerous and unpredictable. it also only effects a small area around it.  Wild and natural magics work in tandem in the same areas. Natural sources are stable enough to link magic to(the resulting transformation is called danix), but wild magic is not. Natural sources can become/ be replaced by wild magic when the natural source is polluted, cursed, or threatened by a natural disaster. Its theorized that wild and natural magics have a limited level of consciousness, and when a natural source retreats, the wild magic takes over the sources mouth in an attempt to let the environment heal and ward off any threats. Wild magic sources can stabilize and be replaced by natural sources, but its less common. Bloom and Stella are linked to the dragon flame, and the second sun of solaria, which is where their titles come from, but the other girls aren’t linked to anything in specific and their titles are mostly personal preference. Hopefully this makes sense??? I’ll probably do a masterpost on how my magic system works here soon. 18. Yeah so i never really had a problem with the age gap because most of my friends growing up were 2-3 years younger/older than me. Also in my version Alfea is a legit college, so the average freshman age is like... 18/19? but you could technically attend whenever. 19. I love magix winx, harmonix, and bloomix! for least favorite.... butterflix................ and mythix........................... and sirenix.......(tho i do love the sirenix transformation sequence)

[saibalray]

CINEMA (WORKING TITLE)

1. THE PHONE CALL

Ray had just woken up from the bed in the morning. He brushed up his teeth. Then he prepared a cup of tea at the kitchen of his Chandigarh apartment. Then he came to his room and opened the laptop. He was clueless about what to do since his 5th novel just got released. Now he was planning to work on his sixth one. He had the idea in his mind. It was slowly taking a shape for the last few days. However, he was listening to a soothing music, when a phone call from a lady came at around 7 o’clock.

-        Hello.

-        Yes. Who is this?

-        Good Evening.

-        Good Morning!

-        I’m calling from California.

-        Yes tell me.

-        My name is Stella. Is this Ray?

-        Yes.

-        Okay. I have read your blog.

-        (Excited) Okay, how was it?

-        It’s great indeed!

-        Thanks!

-        Yes, now I have a proposal for you.

-        And what is that?

-        Can you write a cinematic novel out of your poems?

-        (Excited) Yes I was exactly thinking about that!

-        Yes, I know you can do it. I will fund this project.

-        Some poems are in Bengali?

-        I know I have read them too with the help of a translator.

-        But I have a question.

-        Okay.

-        Why are you interested in this project?

-        Because I am interested in male psychology.

-        I am also interested in female psychology.

-        So, are you gonna do it?

-        Yes, of course. But I have another question.

-        Yes tell me.

-        Who will direct the movie?

-        Of course you.

-        Yes, I won’t give it to anybody.

-        But on one condition.

-        I hate conditions!

-        Listen to me first.

-        Okay, tell me.

-        Yes, you won’t put name of any brand in your writing as you did in your previous novel.

-        That’s exactly what I want now.

-        Yes, it has to be pure.

-        And I won’t give it to anybody to direct.

-        I know. How could you? They are your people.

-        Are you gonna come to India to meet me?

-        Yes.

-        When?

-        I’ll tell you soon.

-        Okay, I will wait for your call.

-        Thanks, bye bye.

-        Bye.

-        Take care!

-        You too!

This was great indeed. Ray felt excited. He was now waiting for the call and thinking about how to plot the story. He finished the cup of tea and phoned his parents in Kolkata as he does every morning.

2. THE IDEA

After a long time Ray browsed through his Bengali blog. He put most of his diaries on this blog. The poems, he used to write on these diaries, were actually mere documentation of his feelings. He wrote poems always as a method of catharsis since the day his father taught him how to write poems. He still remembered the incident of his first faulty rhyme. His father before going for shopping told him how to rhyme. He simply collected some lines from his text book that ends with the same sound and put it together one by one. When his father returned, he showed him that. His father told him that he had to devise his own lines. This was the beginning of the journey. He did not remember what his first poem was since he discarded many poems as he did not like it. But the first diary was still there. In the beginning he had a habit of writing anywhere. But then his father gave him a diary. That was his first diary. He was mostly driven by his father’s teachings and girl friends that aroused feelings in his heart. In the primary school he had a special relationship with a girl Nabanita. She left because of her father’s transferable job. However, that time the media was not so connected and his father did not allow him to get too much influenced by the television. So his relationship with Nabanita was pure and platonic. After primary school, as Nabanita left, he got closer to another beautiful girl Madhurima. She was his main inspiration behind the first diary. His family had a close relation with their family. She was pretty indeed. But he never told him that he wrote poems getting inspired by her since he was afraid of his father. However, this girl had a tendency to play with the mind of other boys. He even fled with a tall boy, and her family rejected him afterwards. But Ray’s father taught him literature. So his feelings were really restricted within poems. He cherished the beauty and kept on writing and fell in love with poems. That was the beginning and till now it was going on. But as Stella asked him he was really brainstorming how to put the poems in a cinematic way. Let’s try some tools of cinema. He thought of montage. But it was not suitable for a poetic treatment. Poems could not be treated as playback since it was unlike songs. Mise-en-scene was the only way to deal with poems. Since she told him for a poetic treatment, she thought when he would make the movie; he would do it like Tarkovsky. ‘But let’s first write the novel’ – he thought. He always wrote poems in rhyme except a few in prosaic styles. After a long time he found a way to start the novel. The senses of the Bengali poems would be translated in English. The rhyme form might have been lost. And then he would describe his fantasies around the poem that could be shot. That would be the best way to write this novel he thought. Next morning Stella phoned again.

-        Hello, this is Stella here.

-        Yes, yes I have saved your number.

-        Okay. Did you find a way out?

-        Yes, but it’ll take time since I have to translate the Bengali poems.

-        Yes, that’s true.

-        But only the senses will be translated since it’s very difficult to translate the rhyme as it is.

-        Yes, I know. Every language has its own sound and that cannot be translated.

-        Hmm.

-        I have a surprise for you.

-        I’ll transfer a decent amount as advance to your account.

-        Okay.

-        Tell me how you want to receive it.

-        I’ll send you a link. Tell me the amount.                          

After that Stella told him about the amount and he sent a request online. And the amount got credited soon.

3. THE POEM ‘ARRIVAL’

The earth is dancing, the sky is dancing,

My heart is dancing.

I’m getting unstable by shaking it

With flower.

The river is babbling.

The butterfly is calling.

In the dawn to bathe

The holy girl is going.

The sky is very red.

The flower is getting relaxed.

The bees are drinking honey

Making their heart satiated.

Meanwhile the holidays

For one month is coming slowly.

On the raft the goddess

Is flying in slowly.

Relieving all the Goddess Madhurima

Is coming in.

Because of that I’m

So impatient.

4. THE FANTASY OF ‘ARRIVAL’

After writing this poem, he felt to fly with Madhurima across the sky. Then after coming down on the earth, he wanted to hug her. Then he wanted to go far away from the town. Then he wanted to touch her. After that he wanted to sleep with her in the catkin bush hiding from the nonsense of the crowd of the small town.

5. THE POEM ‘IN THE GREED OF PUJO’

The ‘Pujo’ is coming       The catkins are dancing

                   Just look at that.

In the desire of honey     The Shefali flowers

                  Falling on the ground.

The birds are flying          The river is flowing

                 It’s the time of autumn fair.

You and me                     Are playing only

                 The game of stealing mind.

I caress the dream         Inside my mind

             They may not come true.

Amid the Pujo               We will again build

             The days of dreams.

6. THE FANTASY OF ‘IN THE GREED OF PUJO’

He wrote the poem before the famous festival of Bengal. Everybody buys new clothes during this time. The relatives gift new clothes this time. And the lovers dream to be together this time. So he wanted to travel from pandal to pandal with Madhurima. But that time the society was too conservative. Every decent couple was scared of the old people. So they could not be together during the Pujo. But they wanted to travel from pandal to pandal together.

7. THE SPLIT RHYMES OF NEW YEAR

7.1 Amid the falling leaves

            The new sun is rising.

            See in the whole world

            The New Year is waking.

7.2. Wish in the New Year

               All is well.

                Let’s call the light

        Of New Sun.

7.3 On the new day the new card

     I am sending to you.

     Wish the new love with the new

     Become fulfilled.

7.4 Wish the dream of staying well

     Be mixed up with you.

     Wish our adda become

     More happening in the form of new.

7.5 Wetting it in syrup of love

     I give you the letter.

     Let the attire of friendship be dazzled

     In the new year.

7.6  Forgetting all, opening up the heart,

     Knowing only the new,

     I give you all my love

     Only to you.

8. THE FANTASY OF THE NEW YEAR

It was new year. So the poems naturally celebrated the new and the new love. He wanted to refresh their love. He used to design greeting cards cutting the art paper and drawing cartoons on it. And then he used to gift to her and all his friends. So, he gifted a card to her expecting to refresh his hidden desire.

9. THE POEM ‘SILENT LOVE’

On that side blooming a white rose

A tree is giving its look.

On this side there is a bee hive

And the bees are singing with hazy tone.

When it’s dawn, the bees go to the tree

Dancing with the queen.

The mindboggling smell of flower –

The bell of heart starts ringing.

He wants to say something.

But he hides his face from the flower.

He goes time and again and comes back.

The mind is dreamful.

He thinks too far –

How to tell the flower what he thinks.

Probably the flower’s mind also swings

On the lap of bee’s imagination.

The tale of this intense love –

Who will tell by any chance?

Who will tell? Who will tell?

Who will tell unmindfully?

10. THE FANTASY OF ‘SILENT LOVE’

Actually this poem he wrote since he could not tell her that he was in love with her. So he used to go to her every day. He used to play with her. But he could never tell her that he was in love with her. She also did not know what love was actually. She enjoyed playing with her. But it was the innocence of puberty that attracted both of them towards each other. But they did not know what to say. They were crazy to be fused with each other. But they were scared and unmindful.

11. THE POEM ‘LET IT BE SALTY’

In the teen if the touch comes in,

The touch of falling in love and coming close,

‘I’ll sit by you, I’ll come close to you’- if the mind thinks,

They stick to each other, and they will not listen to anyone.

People say, ‘O my god, the brat is totally spoiled’.

The brat says, ‘Damn it! I have just started to taste it’.

The age says ‘Leave the lecture, this is our demand.’

‘Just fifteen – how can we forget the new fun?’

This is true, this is true – the glue of raw jackfruit!

Is it so easy to remove even if you make the dog lick?

The dog also follows rule, the tether is true.

But this brat continues to dance on the rope of love.

The green tamarind is so sour – you eat with salt.

So let it be a little more, even if it’s the raw age.

The raw age is very sour; so salt is inevitable.

Let the love be salty; what’s so harmful in it?

This love may not stay in the old age.

So the memory should stay there as the heart wants.

A little bit of sweet meat, who wants to eat?

Let the small memory be salty –only it will be tasty then.

12. THE FANTASY OF ‘LET IT BE SALTY’

This poem was written after he read a novel of Bankim, where the old writer was describing how it felt to cherish the memory of teenage love. He was totally influenced by that novel. His uncle gifted it to him. So he wrote this poem to forget the pain of not being able to disclose the love to her girl friend. He forgot the pain temporarily by reading Bankim.

13. THE POEM ‘LOVE BEGGAR’

All the secrets

I’ll pour off.

I’ll forsake the shame.

Pull me close

And give me love

Full of your heart.

I want love.

I want madness.

I am mad for you.

Give me love,

Only love.

You just give it to me.

Squeeze me with your

Naked hands and

Blood red lips.

Whatever I have

Snatch it all

And give me your love.

If I get love

I’ll go and

I’ll leave all.

I’ll go to the land of sun,

Where the dream oozes.

14. THE FANTASY OF ‘LOVE BEGGAR’

He was crazy for her girl friend. He wanted to leave home with her. He wanted to go to someplace else far away from the daily life. Dreams that defy the reality he wrote as this poem. He wanted to go to somewhere, where there will be no disturbance to dream big. But he never wanted to be alone. He wanted to explore dreams that were unreachable for the reality. He was impatient to get her girl friend. He was telling himself that he could do anything to get her as a life partner. But he was clueless under the blue sky like a beggar. He was begging for her love.

15. THE POEM ‘BUTTERFLY’

Butterfly The showy colours of your wings,

               The style of yours on the flowers,

                Are too sweet.

                At your eyes I put my eyes

                And there is the rain of

                Happiness.

Butterfly   Looking at you

                 I feel calm and

                 I keep on dreaming.

                 I lose my way suddenly,

                 The chariot of mirth full of

                 The smell of love

                  Flies in my heart.

Butterfly      Your dazzling dance

                    And the makeup on the flower –

                     Make me hypnotized.

                     I see you and I think where

                     Is the key of your mind.

                     I feel like opening the lock.

Butterfly      On your breast the music is dormant.

                    My heart floods with emotion -

                    The sight of your eyes.

                    When your heart dances

                     The new song of love

                     Gets created.

Butterfly       On your wing the new song

                     Makes my heart filled

                     With the sweet smell of honey.

                     My mind wants you

                     Loving you all the time

                     In the rhyme of love.

Butterfly       Your heart and my mind

                     Will stay together forever

                     Looking at the world.

                     Faraway there the sky floats on air

                     Starry eyes come to see.

                     Along with our heart.

16. THE FANTASY OF ‘BUTTERFLY’

Her nickname was butterfly. He used to call her with this name. He used to cherish looking at her. Every time he looked at her, his heart used to become full of emotions. He used to think of how to praise her. Thus he wrote this poem.

17. THE POEM ‘FIRST MEETING’

Going along without goal

Suddenly I saw on the way

Standing, who are you?

The moon like face of yours

From my heart everything

Just squeezes away.

The soft smile of your red lips –

The love flute plays in heart –

Please tell me who you are.

Who is this enchantress of the dreamland?

At the first glimpse,

She snatched my heart.

With soft eyes and polite smile

You looked at me with love.

-only seeing that

I am flooded with love tide.

So with stormy heart

I am looking for you.

18. THE FANTASY OF ‘FIRST MEETING’

It was a complete imagination. Though he met her before and played with her before and gossiped with her before, he dreamt of a dream date with her. And that reflects in the poem. It was a dream to meet her as for the first time.

19. THE POEM ‘THE FIRST’

The known eyes are lost.

Nobody knows where.

Yet, in the dream in every morning and evening

They call me.

At the warm red lips

And vibrating cheeks

The heart got stuck

Many days back.

In this life I can’t forget

The enchantress.

For her there’s this touch of love

And dreamful pain.

For her the dreamy seven hues

Fall on the heart

And makes it crazy, mad

And dizzy very often.

With the rhyme of honey

And sweet smell, she came close.

In the mind that comes

Every time with illusion.

I love that sweet smile

Till now during spare time.

All pain gets relieved because of

That memory.

Who will understand and who will make me understand why the mind is shaky.

The heart is still wet with

The juice of first love.

20. THE FANTASY OF ‘THE FIRST’

He was writing this poem in Kolkata sitting at a mess. By this time he joined a reputed college in Kolkata for higher studies. He left his home. But he would go frequently to his home town so that he could meet her again. This was starting of getting distant from her. Far away from home he missed her too much and always he would be eager to go back home just to see her. This first love would make her completely homesick.

21: THE POEM ‘DREAM’

You are the hope of weary mind;

Without you active eyes are blind.

You always smear pale faces with freshness;

You are the love of minds, vexed and hopeless.

You give both eyes a new happy sight,

You are the mirth and sorrow at midnight.

I feel crazy to cuddle you turning off lights;

I find lost songs in you every day and night.

Only you can allay my heart's agonies,

You are the elixir, I love you like a beast.

22. THE FANTASY OF ‘DREAM’

He felt lonely out there in the big city. He was uncertain about his future. So he was clueless about how go back to her girl friend. He was anxious about losing her any day. So he was trying to relax himself. On one hand there was his girl friend and on the other hand there was his dream. This was the time when these two emotions started clashing with each other. It was not about choosing one among them. It was about how to handle these two. So since he missed her and also he dreamt about her every day, he wrote this poem. This was very critical to understand this poem. Very precisely in her absence, he surrendered to his dream. It was like meditating in the crowded lonely city. When nothing was there, he had his dream.

23. THE POEM ‘I JUST LOVE YOU’

Amorous butterfly you have come

And stood before me.

Seeing you the harp of my heart

Is playing loudly.

Suave smile, white face

And bright eyes

Make me mad.

So sweet is your frown.

You are sweet, you are the creation.

Seeing you I feel happy.

I see you there and in dream.

I feel so happy.

So for words of your red lips

I come time and again.

Forgetting everything, opening heart

I just love you.

24. THE FANTASY OF ‘I JUST LOVE YOU’

He returned home in a vacation. Again he saw her out there. But he was afraid to approach her. The distance by now had grown more. She used to go by their house. She used sit on the culvert in front of her house. He used to sit with his friends. Everybody wanted to know his feelings. But the distance started to grow more. He understood that slowly she was going away from him. But she did not want it. He did not want it. But he could not tell it to her too because he had to score good in the examinations. And love was seen as a poison for concentration. But he could not tell anybody that he needed her to score good marks in the examinations. Since for more than seven years she inspired him to write poems and scoring good marks in the examinations. So her absence and his shy mind made everything impossible for him. He just could not reveal it to anybody.

25. THE PEOM ‘AT YOU’

I came to your heart

With a lot of hope,

As the Autumn clouds

Float on the sky.

To me your eyes

Are a wonder

You are more beautiful

Than the flower I guess.

I have travelled a lot.

I stopped at you.

Don’t refuse. Please call me

At you.

26. THE FANTASY OF ‘AT YOU’

This poem he wrote after returning from home having failed to tell her about his desire. So this was the beginning of his insecurity complex. The idea that his father would retire from job soon and he had to stand on his own feet made him totally insecure in the lonely city. Though his relatives were there in the city, he could not feel homely since they remained busy with their jobs. Only a retired maternal aunty used to call her at her place time and again. He used to argue about the world order with her husband. But whenever he met any new girl, he thought that he was not suitable for her for either she was too beautiful and had a great future or she was from a social background that could not be afforded by him.

27. THE POEM ‘TO YOU’

With a little make up and smile

You looked at me.

Seeing you for a moment

I look for your face

Here and there.

At your gestures and postures

I am mad and crazy.

So, I keep hope and

I scoot to you

Asking for your heart.

At your song and your ego

The dam of my mind gets broken.

Losing track in wild forest,

I scout for your eye balls

Madly.

The flower is your friend.

You are butterfly amazing.

Will you feel angry

If I look at you

A little bit more?

28. THE FANTASY OF ‘TO YOU’

Again he could not see her because of the distance. He wanted to see her face that used to relax her. But there was no other way out to go to her except during the vacation. Even the higher study made him too busy. He started watching movies in cheap theatres. He started visiting his relatives’. But nothing satisfied him. He used to pack his bag six months before any vacation. It was simply unimaginable for any practical human being. But he was that homesick. He was crazy for her. He was anxious for his career. His heart was pounding every second for her.

29. THE SPIT RHYMES

  29.1 The boat of love swings slowly

          On the blue sky.

          My mind has been lost

          To the butterfly.

  29.2  The seven hues are calling

           Tearing the breasts of blue.

           Let my heart be lost

           In the ocean of love.

  29.3  I will come close, I will sit by you

           And I will smile.

           I have become too ardent

           Loving you.

 29.4 For whom I do so many things,

         She does not care.

         Others only show consolation

         That’s not fare.

  29.5 I see in wonder

          How two of your eyes

          Make me purblind.

  29.6 The heart swings inside chest.

          The emotion of love gets spilled

           On the crazy mind.

           Looking at you for a moment

           The flute of mirth is playing

            In silent heartshire.

  29.7 They know we are uncontrollable

           We are dangerous.

            The great lord got vanished

             Because of us.

   29.8 Two of our tiny hearts

            Might be too close.

            Yet, there must be a distance of

             Rustic tune.

 29.9 My dreams float like a cloud

         Inside your eyes.

         They smile with the tune of love.

         The ignorant mind gets lost

          Loving you forever.

 29.10 The shadow of mirth, the warm illusion

            And the colours dreamful

            Hit my heart and makes

            My heart crazy.

 29.11  Time and again, round and round

             The illusion of memory

             Fill my heart and makes me

             Forget all the give-and-takes.

30. THE FANTASY OF ‘SPLIT RHYMES’

This was written again, when he returned home for a vacation in 2003, which means he was in the final year of his Physics Honours course. He saw her again but from a distance. He was now clueless about what to do. So he was writing split rhymes to create an illusion of happiness within himself. At the same time he did not believe in god since first he was a student of Physics and second his father told him there would be no god to save you when you grew old. So it was better to work hard for a safe future. This is the beginning of the illusions that he would keep on creating from now onwards – a futile effort to keep the happiness intact inside by means of illusions that would keep on breaking and getting built up inside the mind time and again.

31. THE POEM ‘EAGER’

In the limit of limitless sky

On the thinking boat of love ocean

Floating with the crazy mind

Let my heart find the love.

Let my heart float away

Anywhere today.

Crazy in happiness,

Warm touch and warm stream,

The cold body is all screwed

After the hug.

Let my heart float away

Anywhere today.

Leaving all the shyness,

Shaking the shape of body,

Let the moony night

Find the warmth again.

Let my heart float away

Anywhere today.

Let it go to hell today.

Let it be lost with a love-tune.

At the limitless horizon

There’s the call of seven notes.

Let my heart float away

Anywhere today.

32. THE FANTASY OF ‘EAGER’

This was a flash back poem, written in 2002. But he posted it on the blog after the ‘Split Rhymes’ that were written in 2003. Now he wanted to have sex with her at night, especially a moony night. He wanted to hug her and feel the fragrance of her body. This was the result of his desire to get fused with her at a moon lit night. This was the manifestation of his pure sexual desire that he would hide from the society. So, yes, the fantasy of the poem was certainly having a holy alfresco sex with her under the moon. He would write this kind of poems time and again whenever he felt the urge.

31. THE POEM ‘ONLY YOU’

Let the night come, if it really wants to fall.

The smile of your red lips will flash in moon light.

The bright eyes are as if the flame of revolution.

Looking at those I’ll tell the words of my heart.

You are there at every nook and corner of my heart.

I just think when I’ll be able to reach your heart.

I beg of you to give me a place at your heart.

Take my love filling your heart fully.

Today a pair of lips told you the words of my heart.

Are your red lips gonna tell everything is futile?

If it happens so, just know that I’m gonna die!

I could not win your heart – that’s the defeat.

32. FANTASY OF ‘ONLY YOU’

This poem was suicidal. He was getting scared sitting far away from home that he would certainly lose her. So he was declaring his defeat.Nothing was more important to him now than her. He was giving a hint of committing suicide. But nobody read the poem. It should have been read  by her. But that was not possible. So he was rolling the life with dwindling hope and amplified doubt. This would make him skeptical about the intentions of girls.  This would result misunderstanding the girls soon. By this time he was studying in a boys’ college. But he was extremely introvert especially about her hidden desire towards girls. He would discuss about world order loudly with his peers. But he would not share his fantasy for girls with anybody. It would reflect only in his poems that nobody till then read.

33. THE POEM ‘I’VE LOVED’

I’ve loved you my dear.

I’ve loved you.

You’ve played me. So

I’ve loved you.

You’ve got the crazy fragrance

Of my disheveled hair.

You’ve slipped upon my

Suave beauty and

Thus you’ve aerated my heart.

You’ve seen my beauty.

You’ve got my soft touch.

With all the madness

Your heart got the mirth.

Whatever I have,

I’ve given you all.

You’ve played me. So

I’ve loved you.

34. THE FANTASY OF ‘I’VE LOVED’

This was an important poem. In his childhood his father made him a member of the local library, where he got introduced to some women writers. He read about feminism. He read about women by women. Now he was recalling them. The colourful teenage made him quite mature about women at a very early stage of life. So he could not be a feminist since he had experienced close contact with girls including his girlfriend before. Except Madhurima he had some other girls as his friends. However, now sitting far away from home, he was trying to understand what Madhurima could feel about him. Thus the poem got created. He wrote on behalf of her. He tried to imagine her feelings. He tried to put himself in her shoe psychologically.

35. THE POEM ‘LOVE MEANS…’

Can "You-are-mine-and-I-am-yours"

Strengthen the love-bond?

Love means all are close

You and I are vagabonds.

36. THE FANTASY OF ‘LOVE MEANS …’

In heart he felt like a vagabond or mendicant. He wanted to travel to unknown lands with her girl friend and meet new people. This is the imagination. But in reality he was travelling alone - sometimes with his friends, sometimes with his relatives, sometimes with his parents; but never with his girl friend -thus the poem.

37. THE POEM ‘THE SPARROW’

A sparrow has just learnt to fly.

She starts her new life by throwing

The chirp of freedom to the blue sky.

One day she goes out to make a new nest.

In the dusk, she gets a shelter inside a hole

Of a big tree bent over a small pond.

When the sky shows its reddish dawn-soul,

She wakes the tree up.

A tiny shiny fish moves up and down there

In the water of the pond; the tree sees and smiles.

As the sparrow joins, today they feel happier.

At the arrival of a new friend they become cheerful.

All are excited and joyful.

The time becomes ruthless suddenly.

The tree that gives flowers and fruits all the time

Is relieved of life untimely.

The pond is filled by soil in no time.

Alas! Where is the tree and where is the fish?

All is buried now in the darkness of time.

The helpless sparrow starts her journey again.

Now she comes to a nearby city. There

In a huge palace inside a small hole

She builds her nest; she cannot get her share

Of left-over food there any more since

The number of beggars keeps increasing.

She cannot tolerate the pain of life there.

She starts flying madly to find a shelter.

She gets irritated by the shrill sound and smoke

Of factories and cars.

At last she gets a permanent shelter.

While flying through the city, she gets hit by a bus.

She sleeps forever on the dust.

She gets fused with this huge earth.

38. THE FANTASY OF ‘THE SPARROW’

By this time he wrote quite a number of poems and read more than that. This poem was a result of his reading poems vividly and the benevolence taught by his father. This had nothing to do with his girl friend. It was a poem that he wrote to practice his writing skill. And this was probably the first poem that he wrote in a prosaic style. That’s it.

39. THE POEM ‘NEW YEAR FROM FAR AWAY’

Remember our tales.

Remember our pains.

Many words of heart and mind

Of the lost hundred days,

In the ray of New Year,

Let’s celebrate again.

With all these now we will talk

Through letters.

40. THE FANTASY OF ‘NEW YEAR FROM FAR AWAY’

This is a poem for Easa, another girl, who was his classmate and now she was staying in Odisha for higher study. They used to send letters to each other. She was a good student. So, he wrote this poem for her.

41. THE POEM ‘GO THE WAY YOU SHOULD’

The eastern sky is calling now.

Keep walking my friends.

Rain or storm,Happy or sad,

The morn or eve -whatever it is -

Let’s go ahead my friends.

Don’t look back even for once.

See the tinge of red.

The scarlet sky is calling you.

The horizon is radiant.

Look ahead my friends.

Even if you find no one now,

Go alone my friend.

In severe pain, with eyes aflame,

Just don’t be upset.

Let’s go ahead my friends.

All the words that are unsaid

Speak out my friends.

All the slogans that ring inside-

Now and then-

Shout out my friends.

Let the hindrance come closer.

Why to be so afraid?

The sound of conch is out there

Amidst the shocking deaths.

Cross each turn with your head

Held high my friends.

42. FANTASY OF ‘GO THE WAY YOU SHOULD’

He was now writing letters to Easa regularly. But he was not in love with her. She was a good friend from his home town. Opposites always attract. So it was kind of that – a good friend of opposite sex. By her letters he was trying to reduce the inner pain that he could not share with anyone. He was fed up with Madhurima since he felt ‘enough is enough’ kind of emotion inside. He was unable to bear the pain anymore. He would feel this emotion afterwards also and this emotion would produce some of the poems later. So he wanted to cheer up himself by writing this poem.

43. THE POEM ‘GO AHEAD’

Losing way in dense forest

Looking at bereft heart

The mind gets burnt.

Leaving the nostalgia

Go ahead towards the light.

The address will be found.

You are not the only one, who lost the way.

There are many talents like you –

You’ll find there ahead.

Let the mountains and rivers come.

Keep going my friend.

The dream will be found.

Don’t be afraid of the unknown.

Keep no hesitation

While going ahead.

On the way in the mud

If you fall and get stuck,

Call the unknown.

Forgetting all the pain

With the light of free mind

Go ahead all of you.

Leaving the nostalgia

Go ahead towards the light.

The address will be found.

44. FANTASY OF ‘GO AHEAD’

He wrote this poem, when he dreamt big. He wanted to face the unknown people and unknown places. That was his father’s lesson. His father told him to prepare for struggle. His father told him that life is a struggle. If he does not study well, he won’t be able to travel places. So listening to his father’s words, he wrote this poem. All you needed a pen and paper to dream big. So this poem was a dream that he saw from his study through the window towards the culvert where the pretty girl used to come and sit.

45. THE PHONE CALL

After a few days when he was feeling tired of writing, Stella phoned him in a morning. She said,

-        Good evening!

-        Good Morning!

-        How do you do?

-        I’m fine, just a bit tired of writing.

-        I know that’s quite natural.

-        Yes.

-        Can you do one thing?

-        What?

-        Mail me whatever you have written so far.

-        Okay.

-        Actually I am really eager to see what you have done. It must be interesting.

-        I don’t know.

-        Okay fine. Just send me the write-up and take rest for some days. I’ll text you my email id.

-        Okay.

-        Take care. Bye bye.

-        You too. Bye.

After a few seconds of the conversation, Stella texted her email id. And he forwarded a soft copy to her. Then he phoned his parents since it was the time of pandemic and lockdown. Then he prepared his breakfast and had coffee with it. He did some office works from home. In the evening he went for a stroll in the park. He phoned his friends. Then at night he slept after talking to his parents over phone. Next morning Stella phoned him again,

-        Good evening.

-        Good Morning.

-        I read your draft.

-        Really!

-        Yes.

-        How is it?

-        Pretty unique and unconventional.

-        Thanks!

-        But you skipped some poems written in 2001 I guess.

-        Yes, it’s not complete yet. Some of the poems have similar fantasies…

-        No no! I want to know all the fantasies. Don’t skip any single poem.

-        Okay, I’ll do something about it.

-        Yes please. Did you have your breakfast?

-        No.

-        What are you gonna have?

-        Butter toasts, coffee, orange and banana.

-        You should take eggs also.

-        Yes usually I take that. But I am scared for the situation of lockdown. So we have become a little bit of economical now.

-        Okay.

-        Who were there in your family?

-        My parents and my sister.

-        Did she get married?

-        Yes.

-        Okay. Where do they stay?

-        They stay in Kolkata. I mean Calcutta according to British pronunciation.

-        Yes, I know. And where do you stay?

-        I stay in Chandigarh.

-        Okay. That’s nice.

-        Won’t you ask how big the apartment is or what is the cost of bearing me as a producer?

-        (Smile) No, I am not that kind of a lady! My purpose of asking you these questions was just to make you feel relaxed. I know what you deserve. These queries have nothing to do with our deal.

-        Okay.

-        Now listen to me carefully.

-        Okay.

-        You keep writing. After the lockdown my manager will come to India to sign a contract with you.

-        Yes that’s better since I do a job.

-        Yes and if you need more money, just write to me.

-        I don’t write for money.

-        I know dear. But money is necessary. Keep it up. Goodbye!

-        Goodbye.

She cut the phone. He went to prepare breakfast. But his brain became active again. He was thinking about how to incorporate the skipped poems in the draft.

-        ary. Keep it up. Goodbye!

-        Goodbye.

She cut the phone. He went to prepare breakfast. But his brain became active again. He was thinking about how to incorporate the skipped poems in the draft.

46. DOWN THE MEMORY LANE

Summer was knocking at the door. Here in Chandigarh the summer is always horrible. It reaches at least 46 degree Celsius every year. It makes everyone suffer a lot every year. However, till now the weather was okay.  So he was scared about the summer. Yet, he woke up in the morning. The sun ray was coming through his window. It was no longer pleasant and it had started to show its might slowly. So far the sun was enjoyable. He used to slide the curtain to open his window every morning. But he could not do it anymore. Now it had started to become hotter. This year he would definitely buy an air conditioner. But he had a doubt about what would happen post lockdown. He might get a better job with a better package. In that case all these gadgets like washing machine, geyser, air conditioner, television would be a burden. So till now he was living with minimum gadgets. However, the warm sun was rising behind the buildings hinting a dry followed by a sultry summer. And he was having a cup of tea. After writing a chapter he would prepare his breakfast. After spending a whole day for thinking about an idea about how to include the previous poems he could not get anything new. So he decided to stick to the grammar of cinema. A cut away would be a nice choice he thought. ‘So let’s cut away down the memory lane’, he thought. The name of the next poem was ‘During the Pujo’. Pujo was a huge festival in Bengal. And everyone liked this festival. So he would also enjoy the festival. Every year during this time he would get excited to mingle with people and have fun. Everybody did that. Precisely no body participated in this festival as a religious being. He participated in all the festivals like Pujo, Eid, Muharram, Christmas etc. But he never followed any rituals but eating since he was not encouraged by his father to do so. His father never told him not to go to the festivals. But he said that every progressive idea helped toward a better world. So he was too innocent to understand the propaganda behind these festivals. Now he knew it while writing this draft. He would translate the poems related to festivals. But it had nothing to do with religions, especially the organised propagandist divisive ones. He was taught to celebrate festivals but not the rituals that would culminate to division of humanity and civil war. That’s never accepted. Now he felt that all festivals could be there without the propaganda behind it. That had to be removed at any cost. He liked humanity, festivals, celebrations, parties. He would go to anywhere to attend any festivals. But he would not follow the rituals that were connected to propaganda and controlled by a particular religion. In fact he felt that people should have worked together to remove the religions from the festivals. Then everything would have been alright.

47. THE POEM ‘DURING THE PUJO’

I will be here during this festival.

I will be nearby.

I will see how much you can dress up.

I will see how much you can smile.

I will see who looks better -

The goddess or you.

May be I said something too much.

Forgive me, forgive me dear!

If you cannot do it,

You rather be angry.

I will see you from a distance.

I will see how you look.

The light of moon beam on pink face –

That’s also not so bad.

48. FANTASY OF ‘DURING THE PUJO’

He was studying in a high school and the festival was coming. He was excited to see his girl friend in new attire. He wanted to see her from a distance since he could not propose her till now. He was afraid of her. He always thought what would be her reaction – positive or negative – in case he proposed her. He was not prepared to take no for an answer. And he was scared of his father. So he always thought twice before committing any nuisance. So he wrote this poem as if he was prodding her with words on the culvert where they met almost every day.

49. THE POEM ‘TOMORROW’

Through every vein of mine

Sending the warm flowing addiction,

You are living happily.

You thought I’d get addicted

And stay dizzy as always.

Probably I am like that today.

But did you think that forever

I’d stay like this?

You did a blunder if you had thought so.

The poison that you injected into me

Is eating up me now slowly.

It has burnt and provoked me

Like an angry tigress.

Today I am excited.

I am clad with the fire of revenge.

You thought you would sleep quiet

In the light of falling afternoon.

And you would stay happily.

I’ll not allow that.

In the high summer

On the dry desert

On  the great pyre

Slowly I’ll burn you

Bit by bit.

With poison I’ll burn your body.

Then I’ll throw your body

On the burning chest of hot sun.

The hunger of the history

Will be satiated then.

50. FANTASY OF ‘TOMORROW’

This poem was the result of many things. He was studying in class eleven. In the morning with his father he used to hear German Bengali, Chinese Bengali and British Bengali radio news. And he used to discuss those with his father and friends. Then he used to play with his girl friend. Since then he was worried about the downtrodden people of the world. By this time he read Hegel, Feuerbach, and thus Marx. He read an English version of Das Kapital. As a result he conceived of the future world. This poem was about a revenge that symbolised a world after revolution or any other radical change.

51. THE POEM ‘FOR LOOKING AT HER AT ONCE THE FIRE OF LOVE’S BEEN KINDLED AT THE HEART’

Why did you look at me

That way for a moment?

Crazy is my heart dear

And I’ve become mad for you.

I’m mad, I’m eager.

The heart is having a storm.

Where’ve you been lost dear?

Take me back at your heart

I can’t bear it anymore.

For the soft touch of your eyes

I’ve lost my whole memory

But your presence there.

With the touch of your red lips

At your soft naked eyes

I’ve surrendered my heart.

I’ve surrendered to you.

I’m mad for you.

So I rush to you.

Just sit by me and I’ll tell

That I love you.

52. FANTASY OF ‘FOR LOOKING AT HER AT ONCE THE FIRE OF LOVE’S BEEN KINDLED AT THE HEART’

This was again the desire to be closer to her. He was looking at her every day. Now he wanted to kiss her openly at the place where they used to meet every day. Closer and closer he wanted to come.  But it was not possible at a conservative society for a young boy of reputation. On one hand the desire, on another hand the society. Kissing openly in public was considered vulgar in India. But that was exactly what he wanted to do. Just a kiss under the afternoon sun and everything would have been solved.

53. THE POEM ‘OUR TALE’

The conspiracy of pain -

All the consolations are false.

We’ve heard enough theory

About life.

We’ve seen a lot of pain.

We’ve seen people dying.

They’re fighting against hunger.

Yet, the heart is full of hope.

So many scars at the heart

We’ve kept intact like gun powder;

When it is kindled,

The horizon will be burnt.

But the sun will rise again.

Don’t give up my friend!

Hold the tether tight.

The sun is hot and blooming.

53. FANTASY OF ‘OUR TALE’

This was the real story of them, which means the boy friends. They did not like to study. They did not want to hear any sophisticated theory about life. They were hopeless. They were impulse driven. They wanted ready-made solution about their future and career. So they were giving a damn to the establishment. They were watching pornography. They were shouting aloud at the adda. They were dismissing all the theories. They had become complete cynics. But he ended the poem with a hope as he always did. Again he even did not show this poem to his friends. He was so possessive about his poems. At that age he did not know the reason. Now he realised that he was introvert about his poems since the origin of it was mainly his girl friend. He grabbed his poems so tight as if they were his girl friend.

54. THE POEM ‘THE RACE OF BRAWLERS’

A shabby cottage with thousands of holes on the roof,

Everything inside is visible with a little effort,

It’s more if it’s called a house, it’s even more, if it’s called a cottage –

Just like a house of cards or a brittle bottle.

It’s monsoon. So it’s going to fall soon.

After that there will only be sky over the head.

No income - without food they spend the days.

They have nothing, but the naked child has clay at least.

With the clay he builds up mountains and cuts the river before

Along with the memory of grass flower that he saw somewhere

In the imagination his tiny mountain is much bigger.

Beneath the mountain there are many boulders.

His mother sat to cut the stones on the lap of barren mountain.

He is playing with the thin grasses with full concentration.

He is smiling at her mother. The mother is smiling at him.

Suddenly someone cries aloud, and the smile is gone.

The mother’s eyes are wet and blood trickles from her hand.

The little child without getting it starts to cry aloud.

Unmindfully her hand got thrashed by the hammer.

The fancy traveller gets irritated and calls her the race of brawlers.  

55. FANTASY OF ‘THE RACE OF BRAWLERS’

This was poem completely driven by his altruist philosophy. By reading philanthropic philosophies he discovered his hidden sympathy for the downtrodden class. And he used to visit mountainous Bhutan often for picnic or travelling. There he saw these workers cutting the rocks. So he fantasised this poem.

56. THE POEM ‘LOVE’

Catkins get a swing.

The flower Shefali wakes.

Unknown jungle birds

Are chirping here and there.

The Sun uncle opens the eyes.

The tiny grass flower gets a swing.

On your pink face the soft sun –

The heart flies here and there.

On the sweet day with the happy song

Let the door of my heart open.

From my tiny heart

I give you a gift.

57. FANTASY OF ‘LOVE’

He wanted to gift her something. But his father was strict about money and flexible about creativity. So he did not have money to purchase a gift for her. He was also feeling shy to tell her about love. So with all these emotions, he wrote this poem for her. All he could give was love and poems. He did not tell her about the poem again. But he wanted to go to her and gift something really rare. But he was not sure whether the poem was rare or cheap.

58. THE POEM ‘LOVE YOU’

For you

I’m mad.

So, I’m looking for you.

With care

I’ve put you there

Inside my heart.

Dishevelled appearance –

In the juice of youth

You are wet dear.

If I get you

I’ll give up

All the shame I have.

When I’ll meet

You there

At the love night,

You will see

How happy

It’ll be.

I’ll sit by you

I’ll come to you.

Love flute will play.

Touching your heart

My love

I’ll tell you

I love you.

59. FANTASY OF ‘LOVE YOU’

He wanted to meet her at a special night without being ashamed. It means he wanted to be free with her. He wanted to meet her in a quiet night with a special ambience. And yes there was a hint of sex. But it was not only sex but also the ambience.

60. THE POEM ‘LOVING YOU’

Loving the mankind

I’ve known the earth.

Loving the blood

I’ve known the struggle.

Loving the sweat

I’ve known the sorrow.

Loving you

I’ve known myself.

61. FANTASY OF ‘LOVING YOU’

This was a philosophical poem. He wanted to say if she was not there he could not explore his inner soul. If she was not there he could not experience the emotions that were hidden inside him. The mankind, the earth, the blood, the struggle, the sweat and the sorrow could be experienced everywhere. But knowing the ego was not so easy. Because of her he could discover his ego. And with that ego he would travel different places keeping her memory within.

62. THE POEM ‘THE OLD’

That playground of run-from-circle and the rows of mango trees

Have got lost one by one and filled with the concrete jungle.

So many known faces and lines of known smiles Have got lost and I’m alone there from horizon to horizon.

The close friends got lost and the far got closer.

Quarrelling with the far, I’ve gone to new land.

Wherever I’ve gone to get happiness of mind,

I’ve got shocked seeing thousands of hungry stomachs.

Walking a long distance, I’ve stopped by you.

But still I doubt whether Madhurima is there on my way.

63. FANTASY OF ‘THE OLD’

This was a very interesting poem. Till now he had not left home town. But he was always interested in reading books outside the syllabus. So slowly he developed a philosopher inside him. That philosopher was writing this poem. This was a prediction made by the philosopher within with a slight hint of skepticism. He was being a realist that when he would leave home, he was going to encounter a reality that was not going to be all sweet at all. So he was ending the poem with his girl friend’s name that symbolises his skeptisism about achieving her. He was not so sure about his future be it the marriage nor be it the career. From this poem onwards his subconscious would be dictated by his wisdom that he achieved by reading and hearing and the reality that he would experience every day.

64. THE POEM ‘THE SOUND OF THUNDER’

The thunder roars and I hear it with my ears

            The thunder pen cuts the lines

On the chest of sky.         The scared people

                        Shut the door.

The suave moon’s     and       The free night’s

                        Heart losing light

Gets destroyed                       In a moment

                        By the raging storm.

In the stormy wind         The traveller in the end

                    Loses his path.

One step ahead                 Two steps back

               The lightning in the dark.

On the river water             There will be soon

                      The raging waves.

On the sky                       With dishevelled hair

   Which beautiful lady shows it wrong!

By the angry look           of the disheveled hair.

                The heart is pounding hard.

When you will look         On the opposite side

                          Of the dark hair.

You will know that           You love only this

                               Lady.

65. FANTASY OF ‘THE SOUND OF THUNDER’

This was a poem about a rainy night influenced by his girl friend. He was sitting in his study. It was load-shedding. So there was no light. Only a hurricane light was lit. The sky was clad with dark clouds. Lightning was happening. And thus he compared the nature around with her girl friend.

66. THE POEM ‘SEEING AT ONCE’

The red long scarf is flying in the air

With the red rose.

Into the shy eyes of the princess

The heart’s got stuck.

The beggar eyes do not shift

From the immaculate beauty.

Seeing her at once

The heart is filled with mirth.

On her shiny moony face

The sap of beauty falls.

I wish I look at her

For a thousand years.

67. FANTASY OF ‘SEEING AT ONCE’

This poem is again out of the eagerness of seeing her. He missed her. He was preparing for his final board examination. After the examination, he would prepare for higher study. And after getting the result, he would go to Kolkata. And the fear of distance and the desire of seeing her continuously produced this poem.

68. THE POEM ‘THE LOST YOUTH’

In the new fun of new monsoon,

In the new dawn with the smell of shefali,

In the new hue of the new sun,

In the colour of rose petals and

In the happy nature’s craziness,

I’ve seen you with my full heart.

On the tribal girl’s limbs and body,

With flowery ornaments,

In the suave manifestation of moon beam and

In the cool wind of dense forest

I’ve seen you with my full heart.

Keeping the eye on that of a doe,

At the shy golden face,

When the deer looks with

Full concentration,

In the flood of its hearty passion

I’ve seen you with my full heart.

Beneath the starry sky,

Sitting with you in privacy,

With the touch of your uncrowded hand,

With the touch of your uncrowded hand,

I’ve forgotten everything.

Even then I’ve seen you in the

Suave manifestation of moon beam.

Today I don’t see you anywhere,

Afraid and scared, have you left

This earth dear? Probably

On the chest of a faraway star

Immobile is your sight.

That’s why I no longer forget everything.

That’s why the immobile sight of yours from

A faraway star makes me think

Time and again.

69. FANTASY OF ‘THE LOST YOUTH’

A very close uncle of the colony gifted him a book of Jibanananda, a famous poet of Bengal, on his birthday. His poems were ornamental with details. He started reading those poems. That was his first introduction with this Master post-Tagore poet. So in his heart he was always scared of losing her girl friend one fine morning. This emotion got fused with the style of Jibanananda. But he was also aware of the fact that he did not even know the details of Bengal as this Master poet did. So his inferiority complex grew inside and he did not show it to anybody since he felt it was not as great as the Master poet’s creations.

70. THE POEM ‘WISH’

Wish

With the force of a kick,

Tearing all the tethers,

In the land of hues,

With a crazy mind,

Through the dust,

Flying and flying,

Losing way and finding way,

With the smell

Along the heart,

Wish with you

I get lost in

The land of love.

71. FANTASY OF ‘WISH’

He wanted to experiment with the poetic styles now. He thought of a poem that was a one liner. He was still preparing for his final board examination and he was experiencing the burden of study. So he wanted to run away with his girl friend. This emotion and the pressure of study produced this experimental poem.

72. THE POEM ‘YOUTH’

A little joy, a little pain,

A few coloured words,

Joy, sorrow, weep, smile –

With all these we love.

Hard again simple and easy,

Sweet, salty, a bit poison,

A bit white, a bit black,

Dirty, grey or good,

Amid all there’s the light of hope.

We are bad, we are good.

73. FANTASY OF ‘YOUTH’

This was again a poem about his friends collectively. He was young and his friends were also young. His girl friend was young too. And he loved all of them. So he was writing a poem about their youth that was going through different experiences and incidents in their lives. It was colourful indeed!

74. THE POEM ‘WHO KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED’

Today the moon looks good.

The grass flower calls me closer.

Hearing the chirps of jungle bird,

My heart becomes jolly.

Who knows what happened!

Joy pours into my heart.

Amid the joy with the love song

The heart plays the rustic tune.

In the forest’s creepers and trees’ leaves

It wakes up with the chirps of birds.

In soft sun on the love ocean

My heart gets lost.

Wish I exceed everything

Destroying everything -

Breaking the shackle

Wish I get lost in the mirth.

Across the sky and air

The fragrance of love makes it crazy.

Wherever I look it’s all joy.

I’m mad for you.

Under the moon beam in the suave evening

Amid this limitless joy

Everything looks good.

Who knows what happened today!

75. FANTASY OF ‘WHO KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED’

This was a simple poem about happiness. It happened often when he got excited about the nature, peers and girlfriend. And when he felt less pressure he used to feel like this. In fact the time of the poem was very important. It was a flashback poem written in 2000 a year before the previous poems. The date was important since in 2000 he was in class eleven. So the pressure of study was less as the board examination would happen in 2001. So this year was the playtime for him. He was enjoying everything around. A little bit of study, a little bit of football, and a little bit of meaningless gossiping with girl friend – and everything became wonderful.

76. THE POEM ‘RUSTIC LOVE’

Every morning a boy and a girl

Used to make mountains and play together.

The boy used to draw with fingers on the earth.

The girl used to say, ‘I don’t understand what you do!’

The boy used to say, ‘There’s no meaning I just love to draw!

Please bring the water and let’s build a fancy hill again.’

When the girl used to make garland of shefali,

The boy inserted one of them into her hair.

The girl used to rush to her mother to show it.

The mother used say, ‘You are looking really nice today!’

Then and there she used to run to the boy and say

‘Please insert another into my hair.’

Her hand was clayed and the heart was full of fragrance of flower!

This way they love each other.

If you wish to call it love, call it so or not.

The simple clay hill was much bigger in the imagination.

The barren mountain was green in the imagination.

There was a narrow stream, where pearls were flowing.

How did it matter that the stream was small and narrow?

It made the unwilling boulders move.

This way when the girl used to think sitting there,

The boy used to ask, ‘Please tell me what you were thinking so tight.’

The girl used to say, ‘There’s no meaning I just love to imagine.

Let’s bring the water and build a new mountain again.’

New mountain, new soil, new imagination –

This way they love each other.

77. FANTACY OF ‘RUSTIC LOVE’

His home town was surrounded by villages and rustic lives. If the sky was clear the third highest peak Kanchanjangha was easily visible from the north end of the town. Now he was reading literature vividly. He was playing with his girlfriend and thus he had his imagination. So, he imagined a rustic love and put it in words.

78. THE POEM ‘SWEET SMILE’

How sweetly you smiled

Looking at me –

I felt relaxed O my

Darling of dreamland.

Into my mind you have

Inserted the touch of beauty.

Over the suave soft smile

The heart is flying.

Looking at the red smile

Of moony face,

My whole day got spent

Thinking about you.

Floating with your

Blood smeared wet lips,

I don’t know when

I fell in love with you.

79. FANTASY OF ‘SWEET SMILE’

He was seeing her girlfriend almost every day. He loves to look at her. They talk about many things –sense and nonsense. This poem revealed his desire to see her smile time and again. He used to imagine her face at night before going to sleep. Her face was a remedy for his concentration. Thus he had a fetish for her smile. Her face and her smile used to increase his attentiveness.

80. THE POEM ‘HAPPY NEW YEAR’

New year, new light, new new hopes,

Split smiles, split words, split love.

In the fragrance of new flower the heart is unmindful.

For the new fun of new year the courtyard of heart floats across.

When the butterfly asks the flower, ‘Could you give me a little bit of honey?’

The flower says, ‘You can take as much as you want.

Let the New Year be happy. Then I’ll be happy too.’

The mankind appears to be really trivial then.

Did they ever have such a big heart?

In the New Year you and I put on new dresses.

Where is the New Year of the beggar kept?

You and I have a new year and thus the new hope.

Did he have no hope except frustration?

We do have fun, but please look after them too.

The downtrodden class needs a bit of help too.

Only then the New Year with the new hope

Will travel along happy tear of our heart.

81. FANTASY OF ‘HAPPY NEW YEAR’

It was said before that he started reading philanthropic philosophies at a much younger age. And he had the charm of her girlfriend that influenced her to write so many poems. This was the last poem of his ‘First Diary’ according to the blog. There were many other lost poems that he could not upload in the blog or discarded. But this poem was produced by the mixture of philanthropic philosophy and the charisma of her girlfriend. So his soul had now been taken over by philosophies along with the presence of his girlfriend.

82. THE MAIL

Now he felt a bit relaxed since he finished working across the poems of his ‘First Diary’. Now it was time to inform Stella about the progress. He also needed a bit rest. He had a small blister at his ankle. He had not been wearing shoes since the lockdown begun. But he started evening walk at the park.  Summer was coming soon. Amid all these he wrote a mail to Stella,

“Dear Stella

   I have finished working on the poems of my ‘First Diary’. Please have a look at the attached file and reply soon.

Thanking you

Ray”

Thus he attached the draft with the mail and clicked on the send button and sent it to her email address. Then he got up from the chair. He went to the bathroom and took a bath for at least half an hour. Then he had lunch and lay on the bed. He could not usually sleep during the day time. He also had problems regarding sleep at night. Slowly he was getting rid of insomnia. These days he was sleeping well at night with a light dose of sleeping pills. He was feeling better now since he finished at least a chapter of the draft. So he was happy. But he did not know what to do. He knew Stella would call back after reading the draft. So he was waiting for her call.

83. THE GREY DIARY

He was now waking up late. In the evening he was strolling in the park. He was doing a bit of office work. This way a few days passed. He was now browsing through his blog. He was studying a bit for a distant learning course that he was doing from a university of Hisar. But he was not being able to concentrate properly. He was a very bad multi-tasker. Slowly he was learning multi-tasking these days. At last Stella phoned him,

-        Good Evening.

-        Good Morning.

-        How do you do?

-        Fine. I was waiting for your call.

-        I know.

-        Have you read it?

-        Yes.

-        What do you think about it?

-        I loved it. But I have a few questions.

-        Yes tell me.

-        What do you mean by ‘cut away’?

-        It’s nothing but inserting something from a different time and place within the narrative.

-        Okay. It’s complicated. I know only about cutaway collars (smile).

-        What’s that?

-        It’s the collar of a formal shirt.

-        Okay. That’s interesting.

-        Yes. I think I have understood the ‘flashback’ only.

-        Yes, it’s like going back to past.

-        Yes.

-        Did you enjoy reading the draft?

-        Yes, absolutely.

-        That’s enough for now.

-        Okay. Are you tired of writing?

-        Yes a bit.

-        Take rest then.

-        I was thinking about my ‘Grey Diary’ now.

-        The second diary?

-        Yes.

-        Okay. Keep thinking.

-        I am facing a problem.

-        What’s that?

-        I have categorised some of the poems from my diaries in different sections while uploading on my blog.

-        Don’t worry; I have gone through your blog. Stick to it and use the cinematic tools as you did before. I love your blog.

-        Thanks.

-        What’s the situation in India now?

-        Pretty bad. Lockdown till 3rd May.

-        Okay. Do you have a printer?

-        I have it in Kolkata. But not here.

-        Okay. Don’t worry. We’ll sign the contract soon.

-        Okay.

-        Do you need more money?

-        No. But I don’t know the exact market value of my work.

-        Leave it to me. I know it and I won’t cheat you.

-        Okay. Thanks.

-        And I think you know that market economy is crashing everywhere.

-        Yes I wrote it in my last book.

-        Exactly.

-        So everything will be redesigned now.

-        Yes, true.

-        So don’t worry about the economy. Take rest, think and when you feel like writing, do it.

-        Okay.

-        Just stick to your blog. And tell me if you need more money.

-        Okay. I have another question.

-        Tell me.

-        As a reader are you feeling bored of the format?

-        As in?

-        Like ‘the poem and the fantasy’ format. Is it not getting repetitive?

-        Absolutely not.

-        As a young woman, I am really interested in the fantasy.

-        Okay.

-        I told you before that I’m interested in male psychology. You are writing exactly what I want to know.

-        Okay.

-        I’m not forcing you. If you have something new in mind, you can incorporate that. But I do want to know about the fantasies behind your poems.

-        Okay. That sounds nice.

-        Yes, keep it up.

-        Another question?

-        Yes tell me.

-        Don’t you want to know about the girl?

-        No. I want to read it in your draft.

-        Yes, that’s the way it should be.

-        Exactly. Any more questions?

-        No, I got the point.

-        Yes, now do it the way you want to do it.

-        Yes, I need some time.

-        Nobody is forcing you. Just keep it up.

-        Okay. But…

-        But what? Tell me don’t hesitate.

-        The second diary…

-        Yes the ‘Grey Diary’…

-        Yes, that’s mainly about frustration.

-        Yes I guessed that. So…

-        So I was thinking whether it’ll be fine to depict it as it is or there should be some extra flavour to spice it up.

-        (Excited) No no no, don’t just spice it up. I told you it has to be pure.

-        Okay, okay. I got the point. I’ll write it as it is.

-        Yes. That’s better.

-        Okay, thanks a lot!

-        I’ll call you soon.

-        Okay.

-        Bye.

-        Bye.

84. THE POEM ‘IRE’

Fearing the death, the naked life lives cowardly.

The time whips hard on bare body.

The poems become lost with no value for it.

In the heart there remains cowardly ire.

The protest gets lost in the labyrinth of power.

As shadows demand, the life is climbing up the ladder.

At the day-end weary mind closes eyes in fear.

The greed of seeing light in dark dream is there.

Sound after sound make a riddle to be inert.

The silent lamentation of incomplete poem

Encroaches the unknown chamber of heart -

The ire of failed spark in soaked gunpowder.

85. FANTASY OF ‘IRE’

When he was writing this poem, he spent almost two years in the campus of his film school. He was a studious hardworking student. He attended almost all the classes regularly. He completed the projects successfully so far. But he was uncertain about his future. He was continuously hearing about the struggle of upcoming future. He was a guy, who wanted peace and happiness. But Indian economy was slowly moving toward privatisation as a result of the fall of Soviet Union.  His teachers were silent about it. As a film school student he started reading Eisenstein, Ken Dancyger etc. He was becoming trained in tasty and good cinema. But Indian Film Industry was highly driven by bad hybrid low cinema. That made him frustrated. He wanted to protest against everything. But he felt helpless since he could only write a poem with a pen and paper. Cinema cost patronisation.  Neither he was from a rich family nor he found any opportunity of sponsorship. Thus he imagined the ire of failed spark in soaked gunpowder.

86. THE POEM ‘SMELL OF THE FLOWER, BOKUL’

I know you think

My greed is there for your eyes.

You think that my five senses want to touch you.

I don’t disagree.

You wriggle back often.

Yet, both of us rush to each other

And come back too

With invisible alibi.

This way many years were spent.

Today suddenly it is raining.

The babbling sound of Ichhamoti

Fills the heart.

Believe me after almost years

The memory of your essence

Has covered me completely.

The smell of a treeful bokul flowers in the river water.

87. FANTASY OF ‘SMELL OF THE FLOWER, BOKUL’

      Amid the frustration about future career, he was surviving with the memory of his girlfriend. He was busy with study. He was writing for a little magazine. But whenever he was alone, he reminisced about his girlfriend. She was going away from his life. But his heart was not being able to forget it. On one hand his dream that was continuously being challenged by the establishment. On the other hand his fantasies about his girlfriend. He actually became busy with life and tried to forget her. But his memory, his heart and his brain were continuously telling him about her. This was making him homesick very often. But he was struggling hard to get out of this. After a spell of busy life, one fine morning she returned to his memory in a rainy day. Ichhamoti is the name of a river that is there at his mother’s ancestral place, Basirhat. So far he visited the place several times. So he recalled that. He also recalled the evergreen Bokul tree that was there at his hometown opposite to the gate of his high school. He was thinking about all these things randomly and becoming homesick.

88. THE POEM ‘TWO OF US’

Two of us stare

At each other.

Yet we are scared;

What if something happens?

89. FANTASY OF ‘TWO OF US’

      Again he was recalling his heydays of the past. Now he was getting more mature. And he had watched many movies so far. He had been reading a lot. So he was recollecting the memory of how they stared at each other and if they met again, probably sex could happen.

90. THE POEM ‘TWO OF US’

That day both of us stared at each other.

Both of us wanted to get close to each other,

But somewhere the desire faced obstruction.

I had greed in my eyes.

Probably your eyes had it too.

Yet there was the desire to get close.

You flew with your showy wings.

I flew with my dreams.

We could not get close to each other.

91. FANTASY OF ‘TWO OF US’

     This poem was the extension of the previous poem. Both the poems were written on the same day. Now he was trying to get rid of his sexual desire. He was writing about a tentative real conclusion of their love that originated in a small town and did not get ripe because of the society especially the old people, who tried to impose their dreams and ideas on to the younger generation. Their orientation was different. Except his father and teachers, all the old people of the town were screwed with the idea of running after money. Thus she would probably get married to a dumb mediocre merchant in the near future.

92. THE POEM ‘FROM THE GARRET’

From the garret, I saw the city.

Suddenly a drop of water flew in.

Cloudy sky,

Cool wind.

Hug my body tight. It felt good.

Wish to get wet.

Yet I can’t.

From the garret I saw standing

Wet road, wet cars.

93. FANTASY OF ‘FROM THE GARRET’

     The girls would come to him indeed. This poem had nothing to do with his girlfriend. The times were changing. He met a girl Sumana, who left the film school since she was shocked by the ragging. She used to invite him often to their rented house in North Kolkata. He used to phone her too. Now he forgot all the conversations with her. All he could remember that she mentioned about rain and garret once. Again he put him in her shoes and wrote this poem for her.

94. THE POEM ‘NO FIRE ANYMORE’

Why do you come time and again?

I  acquired the skill

Of dreaming alone.

I fell in love  with the grey life and

The eye of the bird.

No fire anymore,

Only there are smoke and ash.

Cloudy sky,

Cloudy river water,

On the grey canvas the black birds –

Flowers fall down,

The lone bald tree,

Monotonous sorrow in the heart.

Yet, it’s raining again.

Why do you come time and again

With wetness?

I recall the childhood, I feel overwhelmed

To get wet soon.

Yet, no fire anymore,

Only there are smoke and ash.

95. FANTASY OF ‘NO FIRE ANYMORE’

      Now he became busy with life. But the beauty of nature was making him romantic. He was trying to get rid of his feelings. But he was not being able to do so since he started to meet new girls in his life. And in every girl, he was now finding love. Living away from home, he was looking for his girl friend in every girl. That was the beginning of a new journey. He would keep looking for a girl, who could inspire him in writing poems.

96. THE POEM ‘ROTTEN CORPSE’

I’ve lost my way in the middle of the sea.

My boat is directionless.

The sun sets in the west.

The darkness of fear, depression, anarchy

Becomes denser slowly.

The storm rages on.

I’m the lone boatman in the middle of the sea.

The throat becomes dry.

The salty water hits the eyes.

The eyes get burnt.

In the dark I sit grasping the oar.

Yet in the end it is not saved.

Everything turns upside down.

The deadly effort to float –

Yet, it goes down slowly.

In the land of pearls and jewels,

There lies the rotten corpse.

98. FANTASY OF ‘ROTTEN CORPSE’

   This was his state of mind in the same year. He was doing everything to get settled down properly in near future. He accepted the fact that he had lost his girlfriend. So he was hopeless now. He was trying hard to survive. He was studying in one of the only two national film institutes of the country. But he could see no future. He was utterly frustrated. So he compared himself with the rotten corpse. The film school was happening. But he did not have money in his pocket. He was surviving with a little bit of money that his father was sending to him every month. But that was not the real crisis. He never wanted money since he thought that he would get a better living by pursuing his passion. But he was seeing no way out. And the capitalist world did not believe in creativity, sympathy or kindness. It was hard to sell the passion. In fact it was a matter of debate about where and how to sell the passion since that was what the market economy all about. So he was clueless about his future. But it did not stop him from creating art. He started writing the novel ‘Orange’ among all these. But his heart was going through ups and downs. He had a dream to make a cinema out of ‘Orange’. But he did not know how. After finishing the draft of Orange, he would mail it to some studios in Hollywood and the draft would get leaked soon. After a few years he would find that the concept of the great banyan tree was stolen as home tree in a movie by a famous award winning director. And Orange would change the world soon. But he would not get anything out of his creativity. His frustration would continue.

99. THE POEM ‘LET IT BE HAPPY’

Let the butterfly take bath in the dew drop of dawn.

Let the smell of shefali flower be smeared with her.

It does not matter if I can touch it or not.

Let the earth be happy.

100. FANTASY OF ‘LET IT BE HAPPY’

    This poem was about his sacrifice. He wanted to touch her girlfriend. But she was staying far away now. He was not sure whether he would be able to touch her again or not. So he was being realistic and happy about life.

101. THE POEM ‘THE FAMILY MAN’

These days I don’t feel angry or happy.

I don’t feel repentant or arrogant.

All the emotions remain immobile inside.

I commute to office and go for shopping.

I act along the whole day

Not because I’m in distress or sorrow.

This has become my habit.

The sigh has become my habit.

To lose has become my habit.

To be weary has become my habit.

And also not seeing after seeing it has become my habit.

Sometimes I feel how about breaking the habit.

Thinking that it was not a bad idea

I go to Darjeeling.

Something more?

I don’t think it’s possible in this life.

102. FANTASY OF ‘THE FAMILY MAN’

    This was again a poem he was writing on behalf of others. He saw the daily lives of his teachers. He saw the daily life of his cousin brother, who was a brilliant student but he did not leave Kolkata as he fell in love with the city. These people neither ran after money nor got involved in any kind of out of the box idea. He saw the clerks in his film school. They were also same. They were family lover. Though they were very much aware of the politics and world order, they chose a peaceful family life in the city of Kolkata. So he was putting himself in their shoes to hone his skill of poetry writing.

103. THE POEM ‘THE EYES’

He loves the two eyes like a fool.

He loves them ignoring all the thoughts.

One day he thinks that

He will go closer.

Then he will stare, for a long time,

At those eyes.

But he has no spare time.

So the wait begins.

But he cannot go closer.

The sight gets blurred in the dust of history.

The smell of heated stone in hoofs of horses,

The smell of rotten corpse,

Surpassing all these there appears the fragrant perfume.

Yet, he cannot go close.

The sight gets blurred.

The mind becomes eager.

The smoke becomes denser.

The blood becomes hot.

The eyes disappear slowly.

He scouts like a fool.

The perfume becomes harsher.

He becomes calm.

The eyes disappear gradually.

He becomes calm.

104. FANTASY OF ‘THE EYES’

      Again the pain for her girlfriend returns. He wanted to say that among all he was still looking for those eyes. He was recalling the medieval history that he read in his school life. But nowhere could he find them. He was frustrated and slowly accepting the fact that he had to lose her. So he was pacifying himself by writing this abstract surreal dreamy poem.

105. THE POEM ‘TIME OF LOVE’

Keeping the expectation of love

In the heart,

It surrenders everything to the security.

The craziness of power play

Has to be seen with wide awake eyes.

The time of love is only there

Within the dream.

106. FANTASY OF ‘TIME OF LOVE’

     He was busy doing the course at his film school. He was unlike other students, who took things casually. He took every lesson so seriously that he had no spare time at all. Meanwhile he was noticing the power play of his teachers. They used to blame each other. He did not like it since his father was also a teacher. So it appeared to him as a power game. He was also aware of politics. So he thought that he could not do anything about it since he was so insignificant a being that he could not even have time for love because of these powerful teachers. So he wanted to dream about love. The sleep was only the time, when he could think about love.

107. THE STRESS TALE

      These poems were reminding him the old days of struggle and suffering. He was again going down the memory lane. But all the memories were not pleasant. So he was feeling stressed within. Stella guessed that. So she phoned him,

-        Hi

-        I’ve not finished the Grey Diary yet.

-        I know.

-        How do you know?

-        I mean I guessed that.

-        Okay.

-        Are you feeling stressed?

-        Yes, a bit

-        I guessed that.

-        How?

-        It’s quite natural since you’re recalling your past now.

-        I did it while working on the first diary too.

-        Yes, that was not about frustration.

-        True. You are a clever woman.

-        Whatever; do one thing?

-        What?

-        Send me whatever you’ve written so far.

-        Okay.

-        May I ask you a personal question?

-        Why are you being so formal?

-        Okay, let me ask you directly.

-        That’s better.

-        Are you married?

-        No

-        Do you have a girlfriend?

-        Yes.

-        Where is she now?

-        She is in Mumbai now.

-        Okay she belongs to Mumbai…

-        No she belongs to a suburb of Kolkata.

-        Okay.

-        So I guess she is also stuck now.

-        Yes.

-        What’s her name?

-        Dipabali.

-        What?

-        Leave it you can call her Dipa.

-        Yes, I’ll call her Dipa.

-        Yes.

-        Okay send me the draft. I’ll call you soon.

-        Okay.

-        Bye.

-        Bye.

He sent her the draft immediately and waited for her reply. She read it quickly. The next morning she phoned him again,

-        Hi

-        Have you read it?

-        Yes, it was frustratingly great.

-        (Smile) Yes, that’s how it should be described.

-        Now tell me one thing.

-        What?

-        Do you know the Governor of California?

-        What a great question! How would I know?

-        You should know.

-        Okay.

-        He is my friend. His name is Gavin.

-        Where are you now?

-        I’m in Chandigarh.

-        Which state is it?

-        Punjab.

-        Okay. Can you just spell it?

-        Yes.

-        Wait for a second.

-        Okay.

She brought a pen and a diary and asked him again,

-        Okay now spell it.

-        Spell what?

-        (Smile) You are really frustrated and getting forgetful too.

-        Yes true.

-        Spell the name of the state, where you are staying now.

-        Okay. P for Peter, U for umbrella, N for Norway, J for Jordan, A for Afghanistan, B for Boston.

-        Okay. Do you know the name of the governor of this state?

-        No I know the name of the chief minister.

-        Is he the elected chief of the state?

-        Yes, he is equivalent to your Governor.

-        Okay.

-        What’s his name?

-        Amarinder Singh.

-        Please spell it.

-        A for Australia, M for Monday, A for Afghanistan, R for red, I for India, N for New Zealand, D for Doll, E for Egypt, R for red. That’s his name. And the surname is Singh.

-        Yes I know many Singhs.

-        Why are you asking these things?

-        You won’t understand.

-        Okay.

-        Take rest and keep writing. I’ll call you soon.

-        Okay.

-        Bye.

-        Bye.

     She cut the phone. After a few seconds the car cleaner called him. He got down the stairs with the key and opened the car door for him. And then he walked up the stairs to his apartment and phoned the laundry man so that he came and collected the used clothes for washing and pressing.

108. THE POEM ‘THE MAD’

Looking at the sun in the east sky, the mad pundit thinks

It could’ve been burst in the middle of the sky.

The colours would’ve sprinkled and have made the clouds wet.

The clouds would’ve got shrunken becoming sweet cakes.

If the cakes fell on the ground after a shake in the sky,

The breakfast could’ve been done with only those things.

Every morning, thus, he used to look at the sun.

Every one would think that he was busy in worshipping the sun.

109. FANTASY OF ‘THE MAD’

    It was a pure nonsense poem. There was a proverb in Bengali that if one had food in his stomach, he could tolerate a lot of pain. At the same time he recalled the nonsense poems of Sukumar, a famous Bengali nonsense writer, whom he read in his school life. Coincidentally he visited a sound studio of one of his teachers for an internship programme, where he saw huge posters depicting the poems of this famous poet. At the same time he was facing problems with food in the campus of the film school since till then there was no mess facility in the hostel, though later the administration would give it a thought after an agitation. With all these experiences he tried to write a nonsense.  

110. THE POEM ‘WHITE FLOWER’

The calm smoke in the tea cup; Sitting by the window

He looks outside with calm eyes.

Nearby a white flower beneath a green tree

Is lying being wet with dew in the calm morning.

Beautiful, beautiful and beautiful is she -

Far better than war, cry, lamentation and the world.

111. FANTASY OF ‘WHITE FLOWER’

      It was a flashback poem written in a December just after joining the film school. December is the time of soothing winter in Kolkata. So the weather was pleasant. But the world was busy with war. People were dying for nothing. Most probably it was the time of Iraq war. So he did not like people dying, crying and lamenting anywhere in the world. Thus he wrote this poem.

112. THE POEM ‘IT’S SMOKY ALL AROUND’

It’s smoky all around.

Inside the spark smoulders

Slowly and slowly.

The blue sky and the green earth

Get lost in the world of smoke.

It feels like to talk

With the ghost, god, and spirit.

It feels like to dream all day long

After the sleep.

In the dream there is a well.

Below there are snakes wriggling.

It feels hungry.

The sleep gets broken.

The unstable mind scouts for fairy tales.

With beauty, humour, palace and wealth

There arrives the prince of dream.

With the princess he gets fused

After love, touch and lone affair.

For a moment sweet air flows inside.

It feels good.

Yet the quest does not stop.

Searching and searching in smoke of weariness

Two eyes get closed.

113. THE POEM ‘IT’S SMOKY ALL AROUND’

    This was again a poem he was writing for those, who love fairytales and look for their Mr Right. Actually he was again trying to research on her girlfriend’s psychology that was totally driven by the fantasy of good look. He was also not an exception. He liked her. But now he realised that he liked her not only because she was pretty. But it was mainly because of the discourse of his childhood and puberty. Had he not spent time with her, he would not have fallen for her. It was not only the beauty, it was something more. She believed in god due to her orientation. But he was strongly driven by other materialistic philosophies. So now he understood that only with beauty one could not survive for a long. Actually the dream, hunger and beauty were correlated. Thus this surreal poem to explore the fantasy of her girlfriend.

114. THE POEM ‘LET THE FOUNTAIN FLOW’

Let the fountain flow on your body.

Let the fountain flow in my mind.

Let the fountain flow babbling babbling

With the taste of elixir.

Let the bud bloom at night.

Let the stars smile

After a long period of time.

115. FANTASY OF ‘LET THE FOUNTAIN FLOW’

     This was again a poem to cheer him up. He was studying in the film school. He was attending classes regularly. He was doing the projects. Amid all he was meeting new girls, who were making him nostalgic about his girlfriend. So he missed her and he was recalling her by writing this poem about wet beauty. He wanted to see her wet in water. He wanted to hug her with his wet mind. He wanted to be all wet in a starry night.

116. THE POEM ‘SUDDENLY THE BODY GETS WET’

Soul and soma want to part way.

The desire travels in the land of sound, colour and light.

The smell of flower seems good.

The red light makes it feel crazy.

From the bee hive a drop of honey

Suddenly falls on the tongue.

Suddenly the body gets wet.

From the river there comes the sound of rain.

117. FANTASY OF ‘SUDDENLY THE BODY GETS WET’

    This poem was the result of watching cinema. The cinema was technically created out of the three components sound, colour and light. Cinema was basically an illusion of reality that affect directly on the mind. Mind can fly everywhere. But the body was an obstacle to its imagination. So they wanted to be separate. At least he felt like that while writing the poem. Other lines were the ornaments that he used to decorate the poems.

118. THE POEM ‘BYPASS’

In front of my film school

There is the wide E.M. Bypass.

On the divider a mad woman

Used to stay with her ‘belongings’.

Along the Bypass the car used to go.

The buses and bikes used to go.

And quite often she used to shout.

One day upon curiosity I asked her,

‘Why do you shout?’

She just laughed at me.

‘What’s the history behind her laugh?’ -

I thought like a fool.

I didn’t think that like the skyscrapers

By the bypass,

This history has no market value.

119. FANTASY OF ‘BYPASS’

     He saw a dishevelled shabby nasty mad woman residing on the divider of the road E.M. Bypass in Kolkata. His film school was situated by this road. So he thought of this poem since nobody cared about the mad woman. He heard the stories of many talented people becoming mad in the end of their lives. He was unsure about his future too. So he wanted to write something about this.

120. THE POEM ‘BYPASS-1’

The standing girl on the bypass –

I like you.

I like your hair,

I like your attire and your glance,

Suddenly

I like it too much.

The momentary joy,

The momentary frustration.

Yet everyone moves on.

I also move on, hopeless.

121. FANTASY OF ‘BYPASS-1’

    As mentioned above, he was now looking for her girlfriend everywhere. As he used to eat at the street side food shops till the administration brought in the mess facility, he often used to travel along the sidewalk of E.M. Bypass. And like every young boy, he used to look at the beautiful girls. He started to develop the fetish for the appearance of the girls. Every time he saw a girl, he wanted to talk to her and play with her like he did it with his girlfriend in his childhood and teenage. But it was not possible since in the unknown city everybody was unknown and every encounter was unknown. So he was afraid about the unknown girls as every gentleman was.

122. THE POEM ‘BYPASS-2’

When I walk by the Bypass,

I see drain, dusty jujube tree,

And jungle flower.

I see stray dogs,

The perfume that walks by

Comes and shakes the dream.

Bypass of dust, green, and garbage –

By it there are the nascent skyscrapers.

123. FANTASY OF ‘BYPASS-2’

      This was a poem of Japanese style. He was learning Nihongo in a nearby university. There his teacher introduced him to Japanese poems. From there he learned the styles of visual description. Later he would also write a few haikus. So this poem was a visual description of the Bypass that he experienced everyday - nothing more or nothing less.

124. THE POEM ‘LET IT BE CALM’

Let the blue survive in the sky.

Let the mustard field be yellow.

Let the green come back again.

Let the mind calm down, calm down and calm down.

125. FANTASY OF ‘LET IT BE CALM’

    His mind was unstable since the busy world was unstable. The city of Kolkata, like all other cities, were congested and disturbed with human crowd. So he wanted fresh air and nature to be back. Somewhere down the line this torture of ‘civilisation’ on the mother earth had to stop and the mind needed to be refreshed.

126. THE POEM ‘GOOD’

The just unjust have gotten confused.

The colourful lights were everywhere.

The seven hues of the evening have

Settled down with full might.

Violet is good, blue is good.

Green is good, yellow is good.

Orange is good, red is good.

The time of liking them has just gotten limited.

127. FANTASY OF ‘GOOD’

    This poem was the extension of the previous poem. He was getting so busy with life that he could not cherish the beauty. Like every people around he found himself becoming mechanical.  He was simply jeopardised with busyness. He wanted to get rid of that.

128. THE POEM ‘GREY SEA’

The grey sea -

Again there is darkness.

The five senses suffer in fever.

Invisible lamentation.

For whom and why?

The failed question

Time and again.

129. FANTASY OF ‘GREY SEA’

     This was a flashforward poem. When he was writing this poem, he left the institute. He went to Mumbai and returned from there back home in northern Bengal. Then he again shifted back to Kolkata. Without a job, he felt frustrated. He was doing freelancing. Meanwhile he suffered in fever for a few days. He had had this disease of cough, cold with fever, since his childhood. He also had problems in his tonsils. But he had a habit of documenting feelings as poems. Thus he wrote this poem.

130. THE POEM ‘THE PAST’

The heart becomes empty. Lamentation!

The storm rages. The mind becomes blank.

Many words return anew.

There were mistakes in calculations.

But there was no escape.

There was no possibility to return.

The time laughs in persiflage.

Frustration and nightmare circle the life.

Where is the end? Where does it end? –The mind keeps scouting.

The debris of history spreads its hands.

The past – that’s only the wait of time.

131. FANTASY OF ‘THE PAST’

    By this time his girlfriend got married. His brain accepted it. But his heart did not. So he was being pessimistic about everything. He thought that it was a mistake to leave his home town. It was a mistake to come to Kolkata for higher study since his school life and childhood was so rich. He scored a bad result in his college life due to the absence of his girlfriend. Then in the film school all the minds appeared to be polluted with the dream of quick success. He neither wanted success nor the fame. He only wanted to get back to his girlfriend and thus to his home town. This was a suicidal poem. The last line revealed his intention that in near future he would commit suicide. But poems would make him alive. Had he not been able to write poems as catharsis, he would have definitely committed suicide.  So he was telling that everything would be the past.

132. THE POEM ‘FOR YOU’

For you I can write

Pages after pages.

In a moment I can fill

Thousands of diaries.

For you I can draw

A lot with water colour.

For you I can become

A failed poet.

133. FANTASY OF ‘FOR YOU’

     Frustrated with life, he started preparing for a civil service examination. He hated sound and cinema that ruined his life. Thus he joined a reputed coaching centre in the city of Kolkata. There he saw a pretty madam, who used to teach political science. It did not happen for everyone. But this madam aroused the feeling inside him again. Thus he wrote this poem.

134. THE POEM ‘ALMS’

Many words cannot be told

Since those do not sound well.

The heart gets heavy with unknown weight.

It’s said that weeping makes it light.

I don’t know. The eye water got vapourised many days ago.

Cacophony all around –

People die again they enjoy.

So what?

I live in an isolated island.

My happiness has been lost many days before.

I hate the alms of kindness.

135. FANTASY OF ‘ALMS’

   This poem showed the bitter truth about the unorganised film world, where employment happened by references. So he got his first job in his film school itself as an intern. But the job was totally manufactured and given by the higher authority though the requirement was there. As a result of the job because of too much of travelling due to the conspiracy of a teacher and a few of his batch mates, he developed permanent backache for the first time. After this he went to protest against it to the head of the department. He said that he had been taken in this job to clean the shit. His subordinate teacher, who sent him for a production assistant’s job to Pune via Chennai, said to him that he was there to bear his orders. He wrote a note against him. In reply to the note he used the word ‘request’. For the first time he realised that it’s nothing but a political game being played by his superiors. And when he texted to the teacher, who referred his name to the administration, about whether his contract would get renewed or not, he simply said ‘no’. Now he realised the game being played against him. Since then he hated sound and any of the people, who were bossy and acquired a higher post with higher salary. He would simply not talk to them until it was not extremely urgent. Yes he developed a complex that told him continuously to hate the bossy higher authority. And it would not go so easily.

136. THE POEM ‘MELANCHOLIC’

For a long time I have not swum in the river water.

For a long time I have not talked to you.

For a long time I have not felt the air by the calm river.

For a long time I have not met my Nepali friend.

I’m not feeling well. I’m not feeling sleepy.

In the cloudy mind it’s raining cats and dogs.

137. FANTASY OF ‘MELANCHOLIC’

     He met a Napali police officer once while travelling by a train to his home town. He was a nice guy having a great passion for cinema and music. He would take him to Darjeeling several times to build up a film school over there. This plan was still going on. But due to his jobs, he had been travelling across the country. So he was missing him. He was missing his girlfriend. And he was missing his home town. So he was feeling sad and melancholic.

138. THE PAUSE

    Again he was tired of going down the memory line. So he took a bit of rest. He was not awaiting any phone call. He simply wanted a peaceful break. But Stella understood it. He was struggling to translate the poems since they were reminding him about the days of his frustrations. The Grey Diary was all about that. And it was the longest one. The year 2007 and 2008 were most frustrating to him. He had no clue about the future. He was surrounded by fake success mongers. So he paused for one day. The next day when he was sitting to write after the breakfast, at around 10 o’clock Stella called him,

-        Hi

-        Yes.

-        What are you doing now?

-        Just sat for writing.

-        And you were not being able to write.

-        Yes.

-        It happens. Take rest.

-        Yes. It’ll take more time than what I expected.

-        Don’t worry. Take your time.

-        Yes, it’s going more and more depressing. I’m just thinking of finishing the Grey Diary as soon as possible.

-        No no. Take your time. It has to be pure and truthful. Don’t do anything in hurry.

-        I have contacted Gavin.

-        Who is Gavin?

-        My friend and the governor…

-        Yes you told me that.

-        Yes

-        You contacted him about what?

-        I told him about you.

-        And what happened…

-        He said he would do anything to materialise our dream projects.

-        Why? Don’t you have the money?

-        Yes I have. But your Orange got stolen, right?

-        Yes.

-        So, we need a little bit of political help.

-        Okay.

-        Gavin will soon contact Amarinder.

-        Okay.

-        You take rest and try to write and don’t leak what I said to you.

-        Okay. I’ll not leak anything. In fact so far I did not tell anything about this project to anyone.

-        Yes, that’s better.

-        How is your girlfriend?

-        She is fine.

-        You know what happened near Mumbai?

-        No. What happened?

-        Mob lynching.

-        I did not get the news.

-        I knew it.

-        When did it happen?

-        Two days back. Call your girlfriend and check whether she is safe or not.

-        Okay. I’ll call her right away.

-        Don’t get panicked. The situation is under control.

-        Okay.

-        Just ask her how she is doing.

-        She did not tell me anything about it.

-        May be she does not know about it at all.

-        She is eating and sleeping in Mumbai.

-        She should do it.

-        Yes, what else could be done in this situation?

-        Yes, true. Just call her and talk as you did it before. Don’t feel panicked or give her panic.

-        Yes, true.

-        Good night.

-        Bye.

    Stella cut the phone. Immediately he called her girlfriend in Mumbai. She was preparing breakfast. She told her about the news. She also did not know it. She said that she would call back after watching the television. After a few minutes she called back and described the situation to him. She added that people did not understand their own good. More than hundred people had already been arrested. However she told him not to worry.

139. THE POEM ‘NEARBY, GLISTENING THE HEAVEN’

Nearby, glistening the heaven,

-the sea of sensation.

It feels weary after running for ages,

Whole body is naked, busy, disheveled and cliché,

Though the sandy beach sparkles and the daylight softens, it sweats.

It sweats till the perspiration mixes with tear.

The eyes burn in pain.

Sparkle of sand fades away somewhere,

The sea water is softer, glitzier and glistening more and more,

The naked life runs, to dive into it, on the shore.

Slowly the sea comes closer,

And slowly her time runs up toward the end.

Nearby,

Glistening the heaven.

140. FANTASY OF ‘NEARBY, GLISTENING THE HEAVEN’

   This was a poem about uncertain future. After writing this poem, he read a real story in a newspaper that an aspiring model committed suicide in Howrah. This sparked insecurity inside him since he was also going to work in the same profession in near future. He felt that he was close to the massive Indian Film Industry, but he had no clue about how to enter the industry. He saw the big studios in Mumbai as his teacher took them to the studios as part of an industry tour. But he also added that the people working there were getting alms of money except the head engineer. These stories made him feel isolated, insecure and frustrated. And just then this news of suicide appeared in the newspaper. A dream to be big in the tinsel town got extinguished. So his imagination followed the suit, which was not at all expected. Thus he again felt really unhappy about it since he could have been the subject to this fatal expectation. This story made him cautious about the future.

141. THE POEM ‘UNATTACHED’

Poetry, poetry, poetry -

Holding the pen the burnt mind sits idle.

Yet, a single line cannot be written.

The sadness within is kept by

The immobile words.

Only the heart gets churned up,

The eyes are tired of looking at things,

Whether it’s bad or good,

Incidents happen everywhere.

Unattached, uncommitted mind

Live fearing the death.

142. FANTASY OF ‘UNATTACHED’

      Almost two months he could not write a single poem. But now he got a little bit of spare time. But he became inert. He was not liking the place where he was being for the time being. He was facing a block. He asked for a new mattress from the warden, but he had a tendency to serve the students from rich background. And he was seeing this typical ‘production�� mentality everywhere in the film school. This was how this world ran. He would be a silent spectator to everything. And always he would not be able to write it down.

143. THE POEM ‘MY FILM SCHOOL’

Challenging many odds

My film school lives.

Amid the good, bad and joy

The conspiracy of living gets lost.

From the sky on the lake water rain falls.

The eyes get satiated with the smoke of water.

Yet, a drop of water oozes often

From the corners of two eyes.

With a heartful of frustration the helpless bud,

Lives in the hope of blooming someday.

144. FANTASY OF ‘MY FILM SCHOOL’

    He was a silent spectator of everything happening around. He was reading Rumsey and McCormick, Glenballou etc as a sound specialization student to prepare himself for the future war. He was facing many odds in his film school life. Yet, he had a tendency not to give up hope. After every depression, he tried to cheer him up. And all he had a pen and a paper to do that. This was his weapon to rectify all the odds. So he wrote this poem of hope keeping the reality intact. This poem summed up all his experiences in the film school.

145. THE POEM ‘BUBBLE’

In deep dark of the blue sea

A bubble goes up to the sea surface,

Where its death is

Waiting.

146. FANTASY OF ‘BUBBLE’

      Again he was trying to write a poem in Japanese style - but this time with a touch of life. Every poem is related to life. But here it directly meant that the life would end soon after experiencing everything around. There was no other way out but to reach the sea surface i.e. the top and die. That’s the destiny of every life. No dumb astrologer was needed to predict this thing.

147. THE POEM ‘LIVING CORPSE’

The living corpse, lying in fever,

Does not lament anymore.

There is no love in unspoken words.

There remains only remnant of gunpowder.

A shore of ocean floats

In the unwinking callous eyes.

A lot surpassed,

Remaining - a lot more.

Weary mind seeks rest,

Within the womb of night.

Yet, the heart throbs day and night.

The living corpse awaits a painless retirement

Of the heart machine.

148. FANTASY OF ‘LIVING CORPSE’

     Again he fell ill amidst the loneliness of city life. Though this poem sounded quite like the poem ‘Rotten Corpse’, it was different. He used to feel feverish whenever the season got changed. As told before he had some minor health issues that occurred during the season change time. He did not like this illness. And for a moment he felt like dying. So he just wanted to take rest after having medicine.

149. THE POEM ‘TRIVIAL HEART IN THE CROWD’

It’s a trivial heart in the crowd.

Hopes often peep up.

The explosive of dreams disappear in pain.

Helplessly two eyes stare.

The body is as busy as machines.

At the end of the day,

It’s the television that satisfies.

Yet the unsatisfied heart sits in vain,

Silently in urban air.

150. FANTASY OF ‘TRIVIAL HEART IN THE CROWD’

     After experiencing the big bosses of the institute, he felt a crisis within. In the common room of the hostel there was no television. So he missed the television. He tried, but he could never accommodate himself with the life of the new city until his cousin brother would take him at their adda of a little magazine. Even there new erudite people used to come and he was a mere listener in every case. That time enriched him indeed. At the same time it made him lonely in the city. He wanted to speak. But he could not. So he felt like a trivial heart in the crowd.

151. THE POEM ‘REMIND ME’

When my friends move away from me, so bless me that

I do not have time to wonder.

When close ones leave me slowly, so bless me that

I do not have time to cry.

Only after walking a long distance

In a strange crowd of known faces,

Keep reminding me that

I am a trivial drop of life among millions.

152. FANTASY OF ‘REMIND ME’

         So far he had written many poems. He had read some bad poems of some infamous poets. He just could not imagine how these silly poets got famous. He wrote poems to document his feelings. What more could it have to be unique? He never wrote for fame. He started writing at a much younger stage. He never struggled to become a poet. It came to him naturally. But he was seeing the arrogance of some poets, who really got famous by writing nasty dirty mediocre poems, which had neither any meaning nor connected to their lives. But they got famous rather infamous. But he never wanted to be like them. He wrote poems only when he felt an emotional upheaval in his heart. It was the documentation of his feelings indeed. So he was scared to end the life like them. So he never showed his poems to anyone but once to a very senior script writer. And he always wanted to be with people. He just did not want to be like them. It was always better to be a trivial heart in the crowd.

153. THE POEM ‘BUSY YOU’

Though I know you are busy

With your work in your country,

Far away far away,

Yet closer and closer you come

By the tension of the rope of letters.

With the storm your name

Flies in along the sky.

Travelling the world becoming tired,

You’ll come to me -

Thinking that I am waiting

For you here.

154. FANTASY OF ‘BUSY YOU’

    This was a long story. He went to Busan, the then Pushan, of South Korea to attend a workshop. There he met a pretty girl Tamara from Belarush. Later she would write letters to him. He would reply to those letters from his home town. And he would publish a magazine with her pictures and some of his selected poems. So he wrote this poem for her.

155. THE POEM ‘THE ANT’

The ant swims

Against the current

So that he can reach

The grass flower bloomed

On the riverbank.

156. FANTASY OF ‘THE ANT’

     This poem again indicated his inner wish to get back to his girlfriend and thus his home town. So he was imagining a tiny ant’s effort to defy the huge river current and go against it to enjoy the beauty of the grass flower.

157. THE POEM ‘ON THE SEA SHORE OF MADRAS’

The light of the world will go out slowly.

With reflections of the dense clouds on the breast

The waves hit the sea shore

Of Madras.

158. FANTASY OF ‘ON THE SEA SHORE OF MADRAS’

     This was a poem conceived by a sea beach of Madras. He got a scholarship to stay and study in Chennai. Before his final diploma film in the institute, he got the chance. The head of the department advised to go for the course as his director delayed to start the final project. So he spent all most six months in Chennai. There he met new friends, both girls and boys. They would inspire him to write again. Actually in Bengali, the Madras was pronounced as Madraj after her British name. It would become Chennai post independence. So he used the word ‘Madraj’in the Bengali poem actually.

159. THE POEM ‘I’M WATER’

How do I tell you that

I’m water.

I’m destined to flow.

You’re the goose.

You came and played on me.

I saw with happiness

While flowing with speed.

Certainly you thought this was my hoax.

But how do I make you understand

That I’m the river water?

160. FANTASY OF ‘I’M WATER’

     This poem was written after travelling to Korea and Madras. This had made him curious about the new places. So he was comparing himself with river water and trying to convince her girlfriend that he was not playing any hoax with her. But the journey of life had taken him away from her, though this emotion was temporary. Soon he would feel homesick again.

161. THE POEM ‘IF YOU CAN…’

If you can hold me tight;

I want to be stable.

In the palm tree like the weaver birds

We’ll live together.

I know the storm will come.

The nest will be ravaged.

Yet, hold me tight.

I want to be stable and

Look at the blue sky with my wondering eyes.

162. FANTASY OF ‘IF YOU CAN…’

     This poem again expressed his desire to be stable and to form a family with his girlfriend. He would start writing his next novel ‘InFaTuAtIoN’ within a month. In this novel he would try to describe his feelings for opposite sex as infatuation. This novel would be highly misunderstood, misinterpreted and used as an untold source of cheap cinemas. But he wrote this story at the backdrop of his home town. He would gift it to some of his friends as well as sell it to some people. However, he wanted to be stable. But he did not know how. His future was uncertain and he could not marry anybody because of financial instability. His father got retired. He would leave the institute very soon. Amid all these he tried to forget the love of his puberty as infatuation. This poem was his desire to marry his girlfriend. And the novel was his counter intention to forget the affair he had by calling it infatuation. The different forces were working inside him. He was developing multiple personalities. One person in him wanted to be stable in life. But the reality was telling him that it was not possible. So he developed another mature pragmatic writer in him. The novel was the result of the head-on collision between these two personalities. And the immature lover created the poem.  

163. THE POEM ‘THE DRIZZLE, CONTINOUS’

Depression, tiredness, and the smoke of cigarette –

In the bitter mouth there’re the tasteless buds.

In the brain the non-working sparks

Run like a barren sperm.

In the hole of sexuality there’s the failure.

Only picture, blood red rose and

Smell-less wall paper.

Different from cry, laughter –

Undefined feelings below the eyes.

Yet, after a long time

It feels good to see the continuous drizzle out there

On the lake water.

164. FANTASY OF ‘THE DRIZZLE, CONTINUOUS’

      This was a flashback poem. He was writing this poem just before he would start writing Orange. This was the time when the idea of Orange was slowly developing inside his brain. But he was not being able to pen it down. He started a little bit of smoking and occasional drinking in the institute. So he was feeling frustrated in his brain. This poem was an abstract description of his state of mind.

165. THE POEM ‘IT CALLS CLOSE’

The smoke in black hair,

On the lips there’s the explosive of rotten cigarette.

Yet, into the eye balls the heart builds its hut.

It calls close

And closer.

166. FANTASY OF ‘IT CALLS CLOSE’

   Again it was an abstract poem. He was sitting in the tea shop on the opposite side of his institute. He was gossiping with his friends. He was smoking a little bit. Occasionally he was drinking in his room with his teachers. Especially the production teacher used to come to his room occasionally. He used to take him out to the clubs of Kolkata often. There they used to chit-chat with wine and food. This poem was the result of the burning desire to create something.

167. THE POEM ‘WHAT’S SO WRONG IN IT!’

If he suddenly feels ostracised, what’s so wrong it?

What’s so wrong in it if the solitary mind lives in the solitary sky?

If it does not live, what’s so wrong in it?

From the infinite vacuum to more vacuum

Walking a lot of distance, panting in tiredness,

Just before the death if he finds a chunk of

Childhood,

What’s so wrong in it!

168. FANTASY OF ‘WHAT’S SO WRONG IN IT!’

      He could not remember where he conceived this poem. But it was clear that he was still in the quest of his childhood. Momentarily he felt lonely. And he had a complex that always drove him to think that he might die tomorrow. So he did not care anything at all. He used to respect people. But he had no fear as always. But when the people, he loved and respected, betrayed him, he felt sad and lonely. It used to happen quite often in the institute. He did not like this phenomenon at all. And whenever he felt betrayed, he used to feel lonely and go down the memory lane to his childhood that was pure and jovial. Thus this poem got conceived – a momentary frustration.

169. THE POEM ‘WHETHER IT FEELS GOOD OR BAD…’

Whether it feels good or bad,

To live is the destiny.

Counting the pains of love,

In the dream of acquiring the ultimate state of mind,

Getting absorbed is the peace.

In the weight of dream, hope and wait

The courage to love is dim.

170. FANTASY OF ‘WHETHER IT FEELS GOOD OR BAD…’

     The lover inside him spoke again. The factors of real life were hiding the lover time and again. He wanted to say that the institute gave him dream. But the same institute snatched his love from him. At the same time dream was there. But no straight way to reach the dream was visible. So it was bringing frustration in mind. But one had to live with all of these. So it was a moment of nothingness in life that would continue for a long period of time.

171. THE POEM ‘IN THE LAND OF JOY’

In the same boat, reaching the village of joy

They met each other.

They talked, they felt good, and they could focus on

Creating the joy.

In the end of the day, they had enough weary spare time.

Beneath the moon beam,

Amidst the workers,

They talked for a while and they had the wish.

They had a little time.

Meanwhile the task of creating joy got ended.

In the same boat, crossing the river

Both of them hugged each other.

It felt good, it felt happy, and the mind became empty.

172. FANTASY OF ‘IN THE LAND OF JOY’

     Till now he had not hugged any girl. So this was his imagination what could happen after he hugged any girl. So the platonic love, the imagination might get lost – that was his doubt. He was not from a culture that would simply copy anything from the west like the copycats do. He was well aware of the Western Civilisation. But he was never taught to copy them without any justification. So he was just from a culture that did not allow couple to hug each other in public. It was the culture of Indian subcontinent. And he was not crazy for a hug. He was rather crazy for sex that was what couple should do. He was simply not into the half culture of the half pants.

173. THE POEM ‘THE EYES’

A pair of eyes that want to

See me time and again –

Let’s finish the life looking for them.

If they are found, what will be left?

174. FANTASY OF ‘THE EYES’

    This was again a philosophical poem in the quest for two eyes that were crazy for him. Actually he was looking for a true love without conditions. And that was not possible in the labyrinth of the system that he was living in now. So his skepticism grew more and more. In fact in a world, where everyone seemed greedy for success, true love did not exist. So he was predicting that he would not find a true love in this life.

175. THE POEM ‘THE AIR COMES AND KISSES’

The air comes and kisses the whole body.

The naked homeless mind floats into

The deep darkness of dream.

In the greed to taste the flawless joy

The flower falls on the mud.

It rolls up and down in crazy mirth.

The petals get torn one by one.

In the storm, water, mud clad night

The air comes and kisses the whole body.

The naked homeless petal floats into

The deep darkness of dream.

176. FANTASY OF ‘THE AIR COMES AND KISSES’

    This poem was about the desire to have sex. He was not rich. He stayed far away from home so he was homeless. And the word homeless was quite akin to Bengal. Post independence India got divided by the conspiracy of the British. Thousands of people got homeless due to the partition. The most affected states were Punjab and Bengal. He belonged to Bengal. So the word homeless reminded him about the partition. He read the history. He heard about it from his parents. So he also felt like one of them as a Bengali. So the word homeless was very important for him. Now far away from his home, he felt like a homeless.  And as a homeless young man he also had the desire to have sex. So he wanted to have sex now. But he was afraid of the dark consequences too.

177. THE POEM ‘BOKUL’

See my friend under the Bokul tree how the Bokuls drop.

The leaves of the Bokul tree, how they move up and down.

The cold wind comes and softly touches them.

Suddenly a drop of rain falls on my bare skin.

I wish after calling I tell you with the open heart

See my friend under the Bokul tree how the Bokuls drop.

178. FANTASY OF ‘BOKUL’

    This was a fun rhyme. He was recalling the Bokul tree that was there opposite to the gate of his high school. By now he had mastered the art of rhyme. So he was imagining two girls were playing underneath the Bokul tree and enjoying the nature and fragrance. So it was completely his imagination. This poem was a result of the Bengali rhymes he had read so far plus his imagination and attraction toward girls.

179. THE POEMS ‘UNCOVERED’

     He finished ‘Grey Diary’ according to the blog. So he sent a mail to Stella attaching the updated draft. After that he took a refreshing shower and shaved his beard. Now he thought of relaxing for a few days until Stella called back. After almost two days in the morning Stella called him,

-        Hi

-        Hi, good morning.

-        Good evening. What’s up?

-        Nothing much, just relaxing a bit.

-        Okay, that’s great.

-        Have you read it?

-        Yes.

-        And how was it?

-        Fantastic.

-        Thanks!

-        Are you in touch with your family?

-        Yes over phone.

-        How do they do?

-        Bored of the lockdown. But they are fine.

-        How is the situation in India?

-        Lockdown till 3rd.

-        After that…

-        No one knows, what’s going to happen.

-        Situation is worse in here.

-        You have any idea regarding what to do in this situation.

-        I have no clue. I am also tired of this situation.

-        Yes, everyone is suffering due to the virus.

-        Here in India the daily wagers are suffering a lot.

-        How did you get this information?

-        My dad called me in the morning.

-        And what did he say?

-        In Kolkata, the daily wagers are facing huge trouble.

-        That’s quite natural.

-        What are the governments doing out there?

-        No idea. In this situation every news agency is busy promoting the leaders.

-        Did you get any information regarding the food stock of India?

-        Yes, one of my friends said that the central government had sent rice grains for eight months to West Bengal government.

-        You mean to the state where your family lives?

-        Yes.

-        That’s great.

-        No but it was not getting distributed properly.

-        Okay.

-        And what about Mumbai?

-        Cases were increasing every day.

-        Yes same here.

-        Okay. Take care.

-        I think it’s all happening due to this strange economy.

-        Yes true.

-        So what’s your suggestion at this stage?

-        I don’t know. All I know everything is under threat.

-        As in?

-        As it happens in every congested city.

-        What do you mean? Tell me specifically.

-        For example take any congested city like New York, Tokyo, Mumbai or Kolkata.

-        What about them?

-        In these cities people commute like cattle in local trains.

-        Yes true.

-        That’s under threat.

-        True. What about villages?

-        There is no proper village anymore. In villages the farmers don’t want to farm anymore because of rapid urbanization. And most of their families have migrant labourers, who are now stuck in different states far away from home.

-        What are they saying?

-        What to say madam? They are coming out to the streets saying that anyway they are going to die.

-        So they are not afraid of the virus.

-        No longer.

-        That’s gonna be dangerous man!

-        Yes. I guess more danger is ahead. Everybody has a right to live comfortably.

-         In USA also enough food is there. It just has to be distributed properly?

-        And the GDP driven market economy won’t allow that.

-        Yes, that’s where we are stuck. What about Tata?

-        He is an exceptional man. But again people could not wait for the mercy of the rich. Not every rich is benevolent. It’s the right of the people to live a comfortable and better life. This point has to be noted.

-        (Smile) Yes. Noted with thanks. Now calm down.

-        Are you going to work more on this draft?

-        Yes, why not?

-        No I was thinking that everyone is getting upset with the situation. So I should not force you.

-        You have never forced me.

-        Thanks. What next you want to work on?

-        On the poems ‘uncovered’.

-        The section ‘open’ or something like that?

-        Yes, this section consists of poems both from ‘The First Diary’ and ‘Grey Diary’.

-        Okay.

-        Yes, But these poems contain limitless unrestricted fantasies.

-        Okay.

-        So I categorised them in the section ‘Uncovered’.

-        So it’s gonna be explicit now?

-        Yes kind of.

-        Great! You are going great.

-        Thanks.

-        Another thing I wanted to tell you.

-        What?

-        Gavin phoned Amarinder.

-        Really?

-        Yes.

-        And what did they talk about?

-        Nothing much. I did not hear the conversation. But he said that you should keep in touch with your friends, who read your books.

-        Yes, I am in touch with at least two friends, who thoroughly read my books.

-        That’s enough.

-        Why? Are you going to take it to the court?

-        Yes something like that may happen.

-        That’ll be great. And ..

-        Yes tell me.

-        I sent my books to National Library of India and Asian Film Academy Archive in Busan too.

-        That’s fantastic.

-        Thanks.

-        Let’s wait for the normalcy. Everything will be alright.

-        I hope so. And till now I don’t need any more money from you…

-        (LOL) You are a gentleman, indeed.

-        Thanks.

-        Okay. Bye for now.

-        Bye.

180. THE POEM ‘SHAMELESS’

The heart cries for joy, the old stops it.

Can’t think what to do and where to go.

Seeing the soft smile, blood red lips, warm body,

Tell me dear how to stop it, the wish spreads its wings.

My blood is primitive, my body is crazy.

Shameless is my creation, how do I hate it?

The callous heart keeps looking to the path of great time –

When will the thunder fall on the artificiality?

The laughter of the old will be burnt and destroyed.

The civilisation will smile again with a lot of greens.

The warmth will be aroused and the joy will be flowed.

The will will fly again, nobody will stop.

In the land of joy at calm and cold night,

I will do whatever I want with my love.

In the sky the moon will smile blue and calm.

On this earth the flute of limitless joy will play.

With the infallible honey of Mahua and in the make-up of madness

The Dunduvi will play on the land of greens.

The empty bereft basket of heart will be fulfilled.

With the hues of lust every sorrow will go.

The stream wet with moonbeam will make the soma wet.

The dream of love will be aroused in the suave, cold and slippery body.

On the earth there will come the primitive nudity.

The civilisation of Monu will be destroyed.

So, let it go, let the old go, let it go to hell.

We will stay back unshackled and float in the river of joy.

181. FANTASY OF ‘SHAMELESS’

    Now he was reading about Monu and Batsayan. As it was told before he would not take anything without proper justification. So he was totally discarding the idea of Monu that said sex was a duty to produce child. He liked Batsayan more since he told that sex is fun. In this poem he was throwing venom to the community of orthodox old people, who were the unsaid obstacle to have an intercourse with his girlfriend. He simply hated them. This poem was written in his teenage in his ‘First Diary’.

182. THE POEM ‘THE CHANGE OF TIME’

The wish is there in my marrow, the shame is thus gone.

I want to live the way I want with my own religion.

Whatever the blood-flesh-heart-mind tell, I do.

I am free, not shackled, but I keep dying in love.

The fire is on my eyes and in the body there’s the heat.

Whenever I want I’ll burn the ultimate youth-mind.

The tide will come close, the mind will become crazy.

The garbage of the dead river will be washed off.

Come and lick the will deadly and regretless.

The cry and smile, fire and spring, are fused in one body.

The heart is indifferent toward the shout, slogans or protests.

With the sorrow and joy the lamentation of heart got mixed up.

I know that and I follow that and I hear the song of heart.

I’ve been sitting here for thousand years, awaiting you.

The wish peeps through the corner of eyes and mind.

The change of time will come to break the old make-up.

Enough is enough, impatient, no waiting anymore.

The vagabond will create his luck with his own hands.

183. FANTASY OF ‘THE CHANGE OF TIME’

      Again this was a poem from his “First Diary’. This was the beginning of his puberty. He was experiencing change in his body and mind. The sexual desire was growing inside. He was becoming crazy to have sex with his girlfriend. But the society is stopping him from doing that. So he was writing this poem. It was told before that the emotion, enough is enough, will produce some of his poems. And this one was one of them.

184. THE POEM ‘THE RHYTHM OF LIFE’

I will go with you to a new land far away

With the make-up of a vagabond leaving the shackle.

I will go far away leaving behind all shame.

I’ll go filling the heart with infallible rhythm of life.

Running to the deep forest with the call of green

I’ll play with you, the princess of my heart.

The sun will see, the moon will see, the star will see

What a joy flows along the two hearts!

Sinking in the beauty-ocean of the eternal beauty,

I’ll scout the jewel of heart time and again.

For a thousand years what nobody could see,

That wave of the unknown land will float us across.

Floating in tide we’ll leave the notorious bond.

How does it matter if the fools keep on brawling with each other?

The beauty has called me, I will for sure respond.

Leaving the false attire, I’m coming, just wait my dear.

The heart wants, so I’ll leave the decent eyes.

With the seven hues, on the body river, I’ll play love -holi.

185. FANTASY OF ‘THE RHYTHM OF LIFE’

     This was a poem about running away from the eyes of the society to a new land, where nobody would be there to dictate them. But that was not possible in a society, where people were bound by the so called decency. This poem was against the decency – a desire to play with the body of his love in a new land. Actually he wanted to be alone with his girlfriend and taste her body. But again the society was bound by the ‘decency’. So he felt to be 'indecent' with his girlfriend.

186. THE POEM ‘IN HEAVEN-HELL’

You want to tether the light with the rules, the fire with the society!

With the force you want to stop the evergreen spring!

Every effort will go in vain; you will die rotting-melting.

The rule of the free was written by the nature.

The moon and sun will bring in night and day.

The joy of love will be fulfilled with the spring.

The flowers will bloom on the earth till the light is there.

In the dark tell me how the flute can play!

The heart gets filled with the music and happy wine.

The cry and pain get lost in the sound of laughter.

So,

In heaven-hell with blood-smell let the decent race live.

Smeared with grace, in the wild joy, let the night be spent.

187. FANTASY OF ‘IN HEAVEN-HELL’

        The love made him realise that life was not all about happiness. It cannot be so called pure or holy. This idea of holiness was a pure contradiction to the human life. And he thought of sex and he wanted to have sex. So he was protesting against the norms of the society that were preventing them to have sex. As a solution he was telling how to live both in hell and heaven at the same time. That was what life is all about. It simply could not be just pure and holy. It had to be a mixture of the both.

188. THE POEM ‘CONFLICT’

In the conflict between soul and soma and the primitive friction,

The limitless joy within the limit exists with the love-bond.

In the body the joy of love has reached the epitome.

So, the mind is shameless in the ocean of love.

The suave river, wet body, primitive nudity

Bring in heavenly joy and extreme madness.

Underneath the fountain in the fusion of two bodies

The scarlet green nature plays with the tune of ultimate joy.

Decent-indecent bargain is happening in full swing.

The mind does not know, the heart does not hear sitting out there.

189.  FANTASY OF ‘CONFLICT’

     This was a poem about the conflict and touch. He was eager to touch his girlfriend vividly. In the puberty as the sexuality gets ripe, he felt the urge to have sex with her girlfriend. But only having sex does not mean anything. So he was talking about primitiveness, where there was no shame. Absolute pleasure under the scarlet sky in the green nature would engulf them. They would also be nude to explore the friction of the two bodies. That was what he wanted to do.

190. THE POEM ‘INDOMITABLE’

The sky, adorned with seven hues of rainbow,

Smiles in the new joy-dense dawn with dreamollusion.

The life rushes to get lost having no destination.

The desire floods across the mad heart.

The slim river’s dream friction on well-built stone –

The cold life gets satisfied with the warm touch.

On the chest of deep dense hill with ups and downs

The soft light strikes upon with fully mad joy.

When the happiness and joy flood breaking the dam,

How could the dove-duo not respond?

191. FANTASY OF ‘INDOMITABLE’

     He was now describing a proper backdrop for sex. This poem was all about sex metaphorically. He compared himself with a stone and his girlfriend with a hilly stream. Again he was comparing her with soft light and himself with a hill. This way he was describing the desire along the poem. He was trying to say that everything was conducive for a fusion. So how could they not respond to it?

192. THE POEM ‘THE WISH’

In the fountain-wet, soft-sweet, lotus-smell of body,

The sad mind dances with the rhythm of the warmth.

Amid the life of seven hues, there is the wish –

If the warmth does not touch it how could it play?

The heart day-dreams and the mind spreads its wings.

The birds in the sky keep on flying.

In the dark forest the deer runs after the doe.

In the shy eyes of the doe the wish plays.

The spring wind strikes the green leaves.

Amid these the wild goose finds the geese.

With the rhythm of light, shadow, soft wind, and calm waves,

The love gets spread across the pores of the body.

Across the sky, wind and nature with the call of heavenly desire,

The wave of love is running today, who could stop it?

193. FANTASY OF ‘THE WISH’

     This was a poem taken from his life and dedicated to all the lovers of the nature. He always found animals are purer than human beings. And the love is also unconditional. It was only possible, when one became part of the nature. So he was comparing the lovers with the deer, the goose etc. He was also challenging the establishment by saying that no one could stop this wave of love. It was pure, unconditional and natural.

194. THE POEM ‘VIBRATION’

The body looks for supplement, the will spreads wings.

Inside heart, therefore, the shape is imagined.

From sky to universe to the road of cosmic time,

As a feel for body, the existence remains confined.

The just-unjust  - calculations -  would have got confusing,

Had the humankind not found a shape, amazing.

Zero and infinity are quite an enigma.

Between them there lies the pain of soul and soma.

The allurement of dreamy joy and invisible illusion -

Everywhere there is a chemistry, hidden.

The creation of new is always in pain -

The irresistible, impassioned, vibration's rain.

The vibration is old gold - the root of creation.

The vibrated is, therefore, in quest of  jubilation.

195. FANTASY OF ‘VIBRATION’

      This poem had a long story. He was studying in a reputed college in the northern   suburb of Kolkata. Now the reality was it was a boys’ college. So, they always missed girl friends. A girls’ school was there by their college. But he did not have any interest in the girls of that school since till now his girlfriend was unmarried. By this time he completed the manuscript of his first book ‘Hotya’. As a friend he used to visit another reputed university, where his school mate Purabi got admitted. Now he was studying Physics. He was meeting Purabi with his friends. And in this process, he fell in love with Purabi. Why he had no idea? In the course of time Hawking’s work on string theory got published. He read about it and discussed it with his friends. From this theory and the love and affection toward Purabi, this poem was born. This poem was like a child of them, yes Purabi and him.

196. THE POEM ‘FREE’

Jumbled-up all the fun.  

The disease is called 'Think-not'.  

A vagabond still believes though,  

The horizon is earshot.

 A girl weeps sitting there.  

Of the fact she is aware  

That she is alone unlike others.  

Nobody is there for her.  

The drunk vagabond notices  

And then he beckons her.  

She senses danger.  

Yet considering a stranger

She comes closer.  

The vagabond asks,  

- "Why do you weep dear?"  

- "I've been looking for days.  

But I can't find a peer  

Of my kind.” She says.  

- "Why do you search dear?  

The time will flow away."  

- "I think of so many things  

That I wanna share someday."  

- "Why do you think like a fool?  

If you don't, you'll get all,  

Whatever you want and long  

 - a handsome plastic doll."  

-" I don't want all those."  

-" Then what? Only voice?"  

-"You are right - a free voice.  

Would you hear? I'll say  

What I thought till today."  

-" No dear. I'm diseased."  

-"What disease? What's the name?"  

-" 'Think-not' - a rare disease."  

-"How is it? Symptoms?"  

-" Time kicks, pinches and  

Slaps hard on and on."  

-" How strange? Dangerous?"  

-"Yes, very contagious.  

The whole town is suffering.

That's why I am fleeing  

To a land where there is no time."  

-"Where is the land of no time?"  

-"Still searching, still searching.  

I haven't yet found the thing."  

-"Would you take me with you?"  

-"Where would I take you to!?  

It’s not possible, I guess!

Tell me how I can spoil your flowery face.  

I'm in a complete mess -  

No house, no address.  

I have only one friend -  

The dust of the road to no end.  

People call me mad.  

Some call me drunk and bad.  

As they say I don't fit  

In their great land.  

Also, I never wanted to stay with them.  

Yet, my heart clings to my homeland.  

-"Then why did you leave?"  

-" There came the epidemic  

Ruining the rythm of life.  

The disease is called 'Think-not' -  

A very rare type.  

This disease touched me and  

I left my homeland  

To look for a remedy.  

I'll go wherever I can find it.

Can you show me the way to the land of remedy?"  

-"You are diseased, indeed.  

You are diseased, indeed.  

You have lost your sight  

And the creative mind.  

The land you are looking for  

Is by your side.  

Tell me wanderer,  

'Will you take me with you?' "  

-"Wait a bit, wait a bit.  

Let me just think a bit.  

Who are you and  

Why did you come across?"  

-"I am at a loss  

And I want a free voice."  

-"I am at a loss  

And I want a free land."  

-"If we unite and explore,  

There will be sorrow no more."  

-The vagabond looks  

This way and that way for nothing.  

The flowers are newly bloomed,  

The grasses are soaked with the jewels of spring.  

The freedom comes walking close  

So easily!?  

The mind becomes burden-less,  

Wonderful, wonderful

So easily!?  

Splashes of lake water;  

Mirth in heart's chamber.  

The horizon is put today  

Inside two eyes.  

The chirp of happy birds,  

The tune of happy flute,  

The hymn of young woman  

Are heard inside.  

The sight is of no control.  

The vagabond thinks, 'let it roll.'  

- "On this colourful day  

It will take us,  

Through the serpentine way  

To a little happy nest."  

-"In that nest there'll be light -

The light of our eyes.  

The soft and blue light."  

-"The free light, the open light,  

The moon light, the star light,  

The calm and the lost light  

of free taste."  

-"The joy, the free hope and

The free thoughts will come  

One after another doing good to us and  

It'll be the best."

-"Where are you free girl?  

Please spread out your hand.  

Let me touch and let me be  

Blessed in free land."

197. FANTASY OF ‘FREE’

     This was a poem written when he was studying in the institute. This poem described his mental state. He could not propose to Purabi because he was uncertain about his future. He moved away from his home town. He could not propose to his girlfriend too. So he was now looking for a girl, with whom he could talk and who was like him meaning she had a vagabond mind. So he was anticipating a meeting that could change his life completely. Since his childhood he was a thinker. Besides studies he used to do a lot of things like playing football, drawing, reading story books and a lot more things. Everything was stopped after leaving home. The city Kolkata took away everything from him in the name of struggle. The huge syllabi of the university, the fear of failing in the examination, and the pain of living away from his girlfriend made him completely inert about life. After 2001 his life was complete anathema to his childhood and teenage self. However, he was surviving in a way or other. The cinema institute gave some breathing space though. But it was very little compared to his childhood. So he was imagining an encounter with a girl of his type.

198. THE POEM ‘FIRE’

The fire is inside me, the fire is my spell.

I feel like playing with the fire.

I have waves of joy in my smile, light in my eyes.

The body is full of mind blowing warmth.

That’s why I am arrogant, I don’t care.

With hard feet I trample on the old.

Who will stop me; let me hear who will stop me?

The dream is calling me from the sky.

That’s why I walk ahead without looking back.

Let the free mind rush to me seeing me there.

I’ll no longer keep anything hidden in my heart.

Like a kite I’ll shout underneath the blue.

199. FANTASY OF ‘FIRE’

      Again this was a poem written by him on her behalf and thus for all young adolescent girls, who wanted to shout out and show off. It happened in the puberty. The nascent sexuality drove young girls toward attention. Some of them became attention seekers. This poem just described their mentality at a glance. Her girlfriend was also one of them. As described before she fled with a handsome guy to explore her sexuality as she probably did not get it from him. But later her family managed to bring her back to normalcy. He felt jealous obviously. But later he realised that she expected something from him, which he did not understand. He would realise it much later, when he grew up and there was distance between them. But anyway this was a real story. So she would not wait in reality. And he would keep on struggling for a better job. And both of them would part away in the course of time. Neither was it a fairy tale nor were the cheap movies that she loved to watch. So in reality she might get a happy family. But he would not get it so easily.

200. THE POEM ‘I’LL BE PRIMEVAL’

I’ll be primeval, I’ll be mad, I’ll be savage today.

Under the moon in the silent night take away my attire.

I’ll roll on the grass; I’ll sink into the blue water.

I’ll only call you forgetting all staffs.

The sound of falling leaves, the obscure darkness-

Only you and I and our bond of the warmth

Will bring in the ultimate moment and the night of limitless joy.

The calm mind will be unstable and the unstable will become mad.

The moonbeam will fall on the wet body time and again.

With the touch of joy, suave light, it’ll bind the body.

That body will remain waiting for you.

With its nude touch your heart will be filled with joy.

I can’t wait anymore, please come close to me

With heart, mind, body in make-upless make-up.

201. FANTASY OF ‘I’LL BE PRIMEVAL’

    This was again a poem that showed his love for the nature. The primal life of human civilization was attracting him. He wanted to run away from the daily life. He wanted her touch. So he was imagining the pure beauty under the sky and into the blue. The moonlit night attracted him. The green grass attracted him.  With all these he was creating a space where the pure love would happen. He wanted to cherish the feelings of heart and body together. So he was offering her his pure nudity. Now it was time for her to come close with her primal charm.

202. THE POEM ‘WITH THE DREAM’

I’m the soma-hearted, soma-minded, soma- meditating yogi –

The consumer of heart, soul, soma and dream.

My joy lies in consuming the heart in addition with soma.

Where to get a space for mind and the day-night of the joy.

Dreaming a lot, travelling more, I’ve come in the end.

Time and again I’ve fallen in love with the soul and soma.

Yet, where it gets stuck with what nobody knows.

Everywhere the shyness drags me behind.

The dreamy-dense-diffracted mind comes down suddenly

Smeared with the dissatisfaction of heavenly wild joy.

Yet, the mind does not hear, don’t know why, can’t get it properly.

Only I fill my empty heart with the dream.

203. FANTASY OF ‘WITH THE DREAM’

    He was totally driven by materialistic philosophy. So he was mocking at the so called spirituality that was nothing but an illusion to get rid of the real desire. He simply thought that if he had desire, he should have worked to achieve it. But the norms of the society were stopping him from achieving that. The illusion of spiritual philosophies was nothing but redundant garbage of the society since no man could ever claim that he never masturbated. So this was where the soul and soma were related. So he wanted to give a damn to yoga, meditation and other methods that prepare the mind not to achieve the desire. He felt that his mind should have worked toward the desire. To him it was all fine until he was not hurting anyone. Having sex was not a taboo for him; of course it had to be consensual. But old monks of the society did not understand it. He believed in playing games, doing physical exercises but yoga. So he was calling him a soma-meditating yogi, which was an oxymoron phrase indeed. He was mocking at the idea of meditation and yoga, indeed.

204. THE POEM ‘WARMTH’

What starts with seeing, becomes ultimate with friction.

So every mind lives the life while the body burns.

Urban, rustic, wild, civilized get fused in the same joy.

Without warmth living is not possible for this life.

It’s beyond-beauty illusion, a unique sensation.

To express it in words is simply a mad’s job.

With the touch between the bodies, it gets aroused.

It makes the weary body wet in warm love sap.

In birth, thought, dream, sleep the silent warmth

Arouse the eagerness to live time and again.

At spring night on the bed in primal fusion

The warmth writes the bond with flawless rules.

So,

Why to live with machines, spells and cults

Only if you get fused in joy, you’ll understand.

205. FANTASY OF ‘WARMTH’

   After writing so many poems about sexuality, now he was feeling that it could never be expressed in words. So the puberty driven sexuality was telling him that there was nothing more important than to have sex at a spring night. And all the people, be it rustic or urban, could never escape this enigma of desire. That was simply mind blowing to experience sex. But it was again not possible for the norms of the society. So he was writing this poem.

206. THE POEM ‘BODY’

In the eyeballs there’s the well adorned thunder spark.

In the lips there’s the instigation of happiness.

On the shaved cheeks there’s the assurance of softness.

To fill it with happiness, the warmth is calling.

In the high and wide shoulders, there’s the wave of peace.

On the upper body with the muscles the dream talks.

On the two chests the lungs move up and down.

Afterward there’s the wavelike smooth desire.

Within this there’s an immobile silent hole.

Its soundless call is severely savage.

With limitless addiction  the thin waist is bound.

In the shameless lower part there’s the enigma of hips.

The call of fire-spring by the valor with the infallible supernatural

Is staying all alone at the same place silently.

With a little touch of warmth it wakes up.

And the impatient woman gets the sheer thrill.

Along the healthy thigh, the beauty of muscles -

To touch them the fairy is always eager.

So, in severe heat at the call of fire, the eyeballs are stable.

The heaven of joy, where will you flee without touching it?

207. FANTASY OF ‘BODY’

     This was again a poem he was writing on behalf of his girlfriend. He wanted to explore her fantasy. Thus he was writing a description of the body of a man. He was now delving into the fantasy of a woman. This poem was about how girls want to see a man. It was an abstract poem about the body of a man. That was quite interesting for him. It started with his girlfriend’s psychology. But the poem became universal. One might recall the Vitruvian man of Da Vinci. But he wrote it in his puberty much before knowing about the Vitruvian man. In fact it was an abstract poem, not as direct an approach as Leonardo drew it. However, critics could say anything. But he wrote it to explore the fantasy of his girlfriend. Later he would also write about the body of a woman.

208. THE PHONE CALL

      The weather was sunny here. He was busy writing the draft. After finishing the poem ‘Body’, he took a bath. Then he prepared the breakfast and had it with coffee.

     He did not expect it. But Stella phoned him.

-        Hi

-        Good morning.

-        Good evening.

-        What’s up?

-        Working on the draft.

-        That’s great.

-        Actually I’m impatient to read it.

-        Wait for a few more days.

-        Okay.

-        Actually this section was tougher than the ‘Grey Diary’.

-        I know.

-        How do you know?

-        My translator told me that.

-        Yes. So it’ll take some time.

-        Okay.

-        What’s happening in California?

-        Nothing new, situation is quite complicated now.

-        Why?

-        Because of lockdown.

-        Yes that I know. But is there any new development?

-        Yes, each and every person is being tested here.

-        That’s nice.

-        Yes. But life is getting boring.

-        Yes true. Don’t worry, everything will be alright soon.

-        Hope so. What’s happening in India?

-        Home ministry relaxed the lockdown from today.

-        That’s great. So you can shop now.

-        Yes, but not at malls.

-        Okay.

-        Yes, only the local shops will be open with restrictions.

-        That’s nice.

-        Yes, I’ll go for shopping soon.

-        You should.

-        Yes.

-        Could you please send me the draft?

-        Yes, but the ‘uncovered’ section has not been completed yet.

-        Don’t worry. Take some rest. I’m feeling bored in here.

-        Okay. I’ll send it soon.

-        Just send it now. I am crazy to know about your explicit fantasies (smile).

-        Okay. As you wish.

-        Okay. I’ll get back to you soon after reading the draft.

-        Okay.

-        Till then you take rest.

-        Okay.

-        Good night.

-        Bye.

Stella cut the line. He sent the draft to her. After two days, she phoned him in the morning.

-        Hi

-        Yes, I was just awaiting your call.

-        I know.

-        Have you read it?

-        Yes, it’s fantastic. I just loved it. You really have the guts.

-        Thanks.

-        It’s gonna be a path breaking work, I’m telling you.

-        I always try to be unique.

-        I know your life is unique.

-        Are you going to make a movie out of it?

-        Yes that’s the real purpose.

-        That’ll be great.

-        And you will act in this movie.

-        I’ll decide that.

-        No I insist.

-        But I’m fat and bald now.

-        Don’t worry. Try to reduce your weight and rest of the things could be worked out.

-        It’ll not look realistic.

-        It’ll.

-        Okay. Who will direct the movie then?

-        You.

-        How is it possible?

-        You know better than me.

-        Okay, I’ll devise a plan since you insist.

-        That’s better.

-        Okay.

-        But finish the draft first.

-        Yes, that has to be done at any cost.

-        Cost is my headache. You just keep working on it.

-        Okay, thanks.

-        How is your family?

-        All good.

-        Nice.

-        Good night.

-        Bye.

209. THE POEM ‘FAIRY TALES’

These norms rules bonds appear to be intolerable.

Whatever we want, we’ll do. We have no restraint, fear.

If I wish I will fly in the sky.

If we wish we will get fused secretly.

Wish is natural to me and the blood is mad.

I’ll write the fairy tales of life anew.

210. FANTASY OF ‘FAIRY TALES’

    This was again a poem about his hidden desire. He wanted to run away with her in a secret place and have sex. But he was restrained by the society. He was predicting that he would write the fairy tales anew since the fairy tales that people read so far did not have a realistic approach. They were simply full of fantasies to become princess and prince. But the conclusion of these fairy tales was always a happy ending, which was quite against the real life. Actually he was predicting that he would write Orange sooner or later. That’s the fairy tale of today.

211. THE POEM ‘IN SCANTY ATTIRE’

On the nude body a little darkness and littlest clothes –

Today, the definition of beauty is in the mould of mini and micro.

Anew, in new make-up, in new fun

The primal joy smiles through the scanty attire.

The blue sky, wild green, or the colour of fire,

Whatever the styles of the designer’s smart cut,

It’ll hit the market with success with its appeal.

Ah, in the scanty cloth there lies the pure happiness.

Scanty dress, scanty shape, but yet not scanty.

On the breast it takes care of the fire of illusion.

Sometimes it’s mysterious, sometimes it’s mad.

Looking at a glance, the heart gets mad.

When the cleavage between soft joys start on warm breast,

It binds him suddenly midway –

The duo joys get more and more mysterious,

The mad heart with eager eyes sees without speech.

If it drops from the shoulder a bit,

If the cloth moves a little bit on the soft breasts,

Forgetting the argument, brawl, huff, esteem

Beggars, pseudos, honests, dishonests – all rush in.

In the night in solitary room, with you my love,

While diving into the ocean of love I also wish that

In arm-amunition-clotheless scanty attire,

Let me see you at a happy night sitting by there.

212. FANTASY OF ‘IN SCANTY ATTIRE’

     This was a fantasy that every man had. He was a voracious reader. He used to read anything that was there in front of him. He used to collect the sensual photos of celebrities from news papers and magazines. He had a diary, where he used to paste them. In this poem he was discarding the idea of pornography by Picaso, since he was getting pleasure out of watching the celebrities in scanty attires. So now his young mind was being crazy to see his girlfriend in scanty attire. It was just an ordinary fantasy that every young man had. Later he would realise that it was not an easy task to make a good pornography though since sex was a transient in the average daily routine of life. So it was certainly not easy to deal with the transient and make a good piece of cinema out of it so easily. There was a huge chance to get shocked by the transient. However, he wanted to see his girlfriend in scanty attire.

213. THE POEM ‘HOT AND SOFT’

Hot hot wish of

Soft soft youth –

With this there is the unsaid

Heart’s beating.

The bodyful of sparks

Look for heap of explosives.

In the wait of explosion

The heart is silent.

The pure explosion

Has no fear of sin.

In the warm river

Let the tide and forbidden

Storm come.

214. FANTASY OF ‘HOT AND SOFT’

    He was feeling the urge again. So he was awaiting an explosion. It was his desire to have sex with his girlfriend that was getting stopped time and again because of the norms of the society. So he was simply comparing his urge with the sparks and the ecstasy with the explosion.

215. THE POEM ‘MAKE-UP TALK’

Flying the hair, arrogant, trembling the red lips

I walk the way I want. The flood of the youth

Flows on the soft body with the warmth.

Looking at that thousand eyes talk about me.

At waist the jeans stops after a slip,

After the showy top the navel peeps through.

I walk with firm steps like a horse.

After every step there is the smooth soil beneath.

Swinging the clothes, I walk with a different gait,

When I wear sari, see-through, of the colour of my wish.

The colour of shoes matches with the transparent sari.

The obscure body comes up at the night of joy.

On Saturday at calm night nobody can stop me.

Just below the waist slipping a bit the make-up ends.

On smooth thighs there comes the flood of soft light.

I dance leaving all the senses of holiness or sin.

On the sea-shore, when I run in dremolluison,

I flaunt all my beauty behind the touch of a bikini.

I play with my love in the water of sun set.

I become unstable, when the night arrives.

Ultimate, soft and hot, the attires of my night –

I put make-up on my darling as I want to do.

After that the creator knows what the state of my love is.

My beauty is the result of curd, sandal and cucumber.

Eye liner, mascara, body lotion,

Lipstick, massage oil, foundation,

With all these I have my world amidst the family works

I always look for a better self as I want.

216. FANTASY OF ‘MAKE-UP TALK’

     Again this was a poem written on behalf of her girl friend. He belonged to a middle class family. She belonged to a middle class family. And both of them have fantasies that were discussed so far. Now he was writing the fantasy of her girlfriend about make-up. Every girl liked to wear make-up as her girlfriend did. So he wanted to write poem regarding all the young girls, who loved to feel a bit arrogant, a bit confident after wearing the make-up. This poem was basically a result of reading the section, where the tips about how to look better used to be published, of a typical commercial news paper as he was facing problems with pimples. His acnes made him worried about his look. He did not understand that was quite natural in puberty especially for the boys and girls with oily skins. So he started reading about cosmetic and herbal treatments for skin along with fashion. Thus this poem came into play.

217. THE POEM ‘SOMA’

Those enchanting eyes are filled with dreams.

The blood red lips are smeared with cry and smile.

Stable voice, sweet tune, suave soft body –

Even in the dream, seeing them the mind wants to rush in.

About those stormy breasts, what’s the mystery?

Thinking that time passes, there is no laziness.

The hot-soft-mango-like frozen two joys –

With touch, love, beauty they fulfill the desire of a man.

In the land of light, the soft suave plane

Has got the mine of beauty along the space.

In the waist there flows the stream of thin river.

With the touch of it the sagacity of the old becomes silent and immobile.

The fire lies there within the mysterious chasm.

Along the mind and heart from body to body it binds the society.

For the trembling thighs and the weight of the hips

Ages after ages the mankind feels febrile.

The soft, supple, wet, suave, light danger -

With this rhyme the limbs of her are kept in order.

218. FANTASY OF ‘SOMA’

     After the poem ‘Body’, he was now describing the female body, achieving what is his fantasy, of her girlfriend. So as a result he was writing this poem on behalf of the race of men, who always dreams to have sex with a perfect female body. This was an abstract description of a female body. He was also warning that if one delves too much into the soma of a woman, it might become fatal. But nothing wrong in writing poems about her, painting her picture, marrying her or even having sex with her in case it was consensual. Everything is okay. But it could be dangerous to handle a bimbo. That’s all what he wanted to say.

219. THE POEM ‘AT THE NIGHT OF JOY’

Let all the sorrows go away

At the night of joy.

Let the rain fall along the body

Now and today.

Let it soak all the limbs

Of yours and mine.

With the wet make-up

We’ll mate.

The night will wake up.

220. FANTASY OF ‘AT THE NIGHT OF JOY’

   This was again a dream to mate with his girlfriend in a rainy day. He was trying to conceive a perfect place an environment for their sex to happen. But he could not do it since he was an introvert in nature. He could write pages after pages, but he could not tell his girlfriend that he wanted to have it with her. He was often very unsure about the conclusion of their love as fairy tales did not exist in reality. He could not remember exactly when he wrote the poem. But it was still showing that he was feeling upset. Whenever he was upset, he would write something to cheer him up. Thus he wanted to create a space and time that would be conducive to their mating.

To be continued ...

[jessiewre]

Day 22

Sun 26th Jan 💜

It’s been a year to the day since we lost Nanny. That’s mad isn’t it. Miss that legend.

Woke up at about 5am because we’d gone to bed too early, but managed to power through and stay in bed till 7am. Phil got up and continued researching his new obsession - a half marathon near Kilimanjaro - and I joined him at 8:30am for Spanish omelette breakfast included in our 25$ a night room. Good deal that init. People say that in London you’re never further than like 5 meters away from a rat. Well thats like me and good deals, there’s always one close by for me to sniff out. Maybe I’m more like one of those pigs and the deals are truffles.

I digress...

The hostel manager was now wearing a chefs coat and I realised he was now the chef. What a multi-talented chap he was. I threw him into a frenzy by asking for salt, pepper, ketchup and chilli sauce, and eventually went into the kitchen myself to assist.

The ketchup was in a huge bucket bottle in the fridge and he gracefully glugged it out into a plastic squeezey bottle that he couldn’t find the lid for. Yum.

Shout out to Stella and Helen who will surely boke at that description of keptchup.

We got bodas to the Woman’s Centre for the recommended walking tour starting at 10am - but there was a big bike race on believe it or not, and so road blocks meant we had to walk the last kilometre. Phil was loving the bike race, I could see his legs twitching like he was imagining himself on a bike that moment, but I soon snapped him back to reality by power-walking ahead to avoid us being super late to the walk.

The sky was rapidly turning a dark shade of grey but Phil assured me that the weather report he’d checked stated that there would be no rain until midday or later.

You may be able to sense where this is going.

We arrived at the Centre and sat in the sofa area for the introduction, and the exact moment the woman began to talk and tell us about the community, the rain began to thunder on the metal roof and no one could hear a word she said. After 10 minutes, the intro finished and the rain actually calmed down a little, but then it went totally crazy again and me and Phil looked at each other like...hmm should we just not do this walking tour.

Another English girl there was thinking the same thing and the 3 of us decided to ditch the tour and head back the next day, while the 3 older people and a young American woman went off in the torrential rain with umbrellas. Umbrella’s are all good and well but I couldn’t see another soul on the streets so I seriously doubted how good a community walking tour would be in this weather. We chatted to the English girl, Esther, and she was ending a weeks work doing research for the Princes Trust who she works for. In a nutshell, she creates programmes for local groups in different countries to integrate technology into their lives to improve their prospects and quality of life. Really interesting! Phil mentioned that she should hang at our hostel later if she wanted as we were planning on trying out the bowling alley on site, and she was really up for that, especially considering she was in Kigali on her own and it was her last night.

The rain eventually calmed down enough for us to jump on a boda and we decided that considering the rain, it would be appropriate to visit the Genocide Museum at this point. We knew we were going to visit it at some point so made sense to be inside during the rain.

We were really hungry though and didn’t want to rush through the museum, so thankfully there was a cafe on site where we had a vege burger and vege panini, both with chips. We decided we’d try and lay off the chips for a while after that meal, it was the chip that broke the camels back.

The Rwandan Genocide museum was a harrowing and necessary visit.

The below information is upsetting, I’ll warn you now.

genocide

noun

noun: genocide; plural noun: genocides

1. the deliberate killing of a large group of people, especially those of a particular nation or ethnic group.

To briefly summarise, the problems began when the country was ‘colonised’ - or should we say if we’re being honest, when the country was invaded against its will. The Germans were first in 1899 then the Belgians in 1916 and then the Belgian’s decided to split the country into three different groups. Ultimately this created a sort of competition between the groups of people that had never existed before and this was what they say sparked the issues in the country. Fast forward to 1994, and the genocide officially began, over a period of 100 days - neighbours were murdering neighbours, friends were murdering friends. Relatives even betrayed each other. By turning people against each other, the ringleaders were able to sit back and watch the killings happen for them.

Being in the country now, its very difficult to imagine it happening, as it feels vibrant, friendly and safe. But the images in the museum leave you under no illusions. People were mindlessly slaughtered, no one was spared - children, pregnant women and men. It was absolutely mind-blowingly horrendous.

The museum talks a lot about how the international community sat back and let it happen, like Rwanda was on another planet that no one cared about. There is obviously a lot of pain from that which was difficult to read about.

But there were also a number of people who put themselves on the line by hiding people in their houses and gardens, saving many lives. Unfortunately, there were not enough of those people and over a million people were killed. They are still uncovering mass graves today.

There were videos playing with interviews from survivors talking about the guilt they feel from being the only member of their family who survived. But incredibly, they spoke about forgiveness and said they would like to forgive the perpetrators if they were willing to ask for forgiveness. They spoke about moving forward with only peace in mind, as this was what would move Rwanda forward in a peaceful way. By seeking revenge, the violence and pain would continue, they said. It’s unbelievable to hear that from someone who watched their innocent young siblings and mother murdered by machete in front of their very eyes. You can’t even imagine what this person has gone through.

One of the most difficult parts of the museum was The Children’s Room. This section had beautiful photos of child victims printed in large portraits displayed around the room, with a small plaque underneath each one with bullet points of information about the child, like:

Name

Age

Favourite Snack

Best Friend


Then the final point for every child was

Cause of death

The descriptions here were detailed and distressing.

Obviously there is a huge amount of detail missing from this account of the genocide and I urge you to have a read about it if you have time and are interested.

We left there after a few hours taking it all in and went to find the Inema Art gallery, as we’d read about it being a really cool artists space that has had a lot of international interest.

It was different to what I expected, as there wasn’t actually a lot of pieces in there - more like a few extremely large pieces, each priced around $5000. So obviously, we bought two and headed off.

Well anyway, some of the artists were there stood near their art in smart clothes and were hoping for a super rich muzungu coming in and buying everything. That was not going to be us, so we thanked them and headed to the cafe for a little coffee.

Not before I asked them if there were any female artists there.

One guy said No, the women in Rwanda seem to stick to the craft-making and THEN he said that even though many are good at art, he thinks they are lacking in passion.

I said Hmm perhaps you means Confidence, not passion.

He was like Oh yeah, maybe that.

Yeah MAYBE THAT mate.

We boda’d back to the hostel and Phil donned up in his gear for a run. Just before heading off, he finally booked himself a spot onto the Kilimanjaro half marathon in Moshi, Tanzania on 1st March. FFS. Better get practicing on my excited supportive girlfriend look then.

Meanwhile I sat in the hostel garden watching videos on how to use Procreate on the iPad. Suddenly realised Phil had been gone AGES and then he rocked up having run like 10 MILES and then said Oh also, I may have tripped over and potentially broken my toe.

He’d taken out his phone to check the map and ended up kicking a bit of metal sticking out of the group, and then he’d fallen over and made a few new cracks on his phone screen (to join the 5 that were already there).

Wicked.

Phil had a quick shower and change while hobbling around on his bad foot (I hear broken toes are brilliant for half marathons), and Esther arrived at the hostel, so we went searching for a restaurant open on a Sunday. After a few fails, we eventually stumbled across a place called Afrika Bite and negotiated the 10k per person meaty Rwandan platter down to 5k each for a vegetarian version for all of us. It was so good! Garlic potatoes, peanut sauce, rice, vegetables, fried banana, salad, plus some ‘fish fingers’ ordered as an extra. Such a welcome relief to eat something local and delicious. Shout out to those who are reading this blog mainly for the food descriptions.

We went back to the hostel to play in East Africa’s 2nd bowling alley (the only other one is in Nairobi!) and Esther made sure she mentioned she had a ‘bad neck’. That would explain her unbelievably bad scoring thats for sure. Ok now to be fair, Phil the physio also advised that she use the heaviest ball available which turned out to be truly awful advise and after a stagnant run of about 2 points in 6 goes, she tried a really light ball - and actually hit some pins! Go Esther.

Can I also mention that this bowling alley had a system where a bloke hidden at the end would organise the pins and reset them for us manually using a kind of lever system. He always managed to move his hands out of the way before the ball struck the pins of course.

Esther headed back to her hotel and we ended up playing basketball on the two hoops game with Desire the manager. Our quick game of ‘How many can you score in 1 minute’ managed to take over our lives for over an hour. My record was 23, Phil’s 24 (he’s taller init) and Desire managed 33 (well, he works there so ya know). Was addictive and super fun and I got the impression Desire will spend the next year working on his pb.

[coolpunkparadise]

Art Tips!

Hey, so recently I’ve been getting a lot more into art and I’ve found some tricks to help other artists improve! I’m still new, so it might not be the best, but I figured it might help someone. I’m gonna separate these by types of art so that its easier to read. Hopefully this is helpful!

Section 1: Supplies

Supplies are a great way for physical artists to improve art. Good art suplies feel better to use, and also look a lot better to use! However, it can be hard to afford some supplies. If you’re in this boat,

too bad for you, lol.

Section 2: Art Programs

Art programs are also very important, so here’s some good options for beginners.

Cheap:

-MS paint -MS paint -MS paint -MS paint  -MS paint -MS paint -MS paint -MS paint -MS paint -MS paint -MS paint -MS paint -MS paint -MS paint -MS paint -MS paint -MS paint -MS paint -MS paint -MS paint 

Thats all you need.

Section 3: Inspiration

Inspiration is a useless thing, but of course, you must need it. You must crave it. You see no point in mindless creation for the self, in creation for the sake of creation, but all things must have a purpose, a point, a use. You feel, as an artist, you have no use on your own, so you must create for others, but is this life? Is this a job you love?

You want to be successful, but you can never draw. You know you have to practice, but you never draw. You stare at the blank canvas, white and glowing, and find it hard to breathe, the infinite possible variants of color and shape unfolding in your head. You see all art and art-adjacent things, all lines, all shapes. Some are beautiful, wonderful and colorful and expressive and real, taking you in and not letting your mind go until you find some way to appreciate it.

Others are creative, weaving imaginary worlds full of life and objects we on earth can never understand. You desperately want to get lost in them, to hear what they sound like, to feel the strange terrain, to taste the food, to smell the market on a good morning, and you know you never will. You are stuck with only the what-if, the bewilderment created by these images only you could see, only you could create.

Still others are simply madness, colors splashed randomly in infinite assortments, pointless. These anger you. These are meaningless. Meaningless. It cannot be meaningless. You try to fly past these in your thoughts, but they stick to your mind like burrs to a dog, and when you try to face them again you only get angrier and more focused on what you hate. You want to end this madness, these pointless colors, but they won’t leave until you’re done with all combinations, so you must let them stick in the back of your head.

You keep gazing at the possibilities, taking an eternity to admire each (aside from the madness), appreciating every minute detail. You don’t think there can be a greatest one, until you see it. The best piece.

You see a woman. She is beautiful, at least, to you. She is faced to the left, with only half of her face visible. Her skin is soft, and you can see a slight blush on her face. She has a cunning smile, and she is looking off somewhere out of frame. She has a red dress on, and a golden crown sits on top her head. She stands in a wooded area, the sky a dark blue. There are stars out, illuminating a river in front of her.

You are awestruck. You stare at the piece for hours, and start to notice little things. Flowers of dark colors are growing in the grass, and if you look carefully at the trees you see they aren’t empty, but there are creatures, small and alive. You notice patterns in the linework, too subtle for most to see. The woman’s blush has several small flowery shapes hidden inside, and you also notice a subtle shape of a handprint on the side of her face. No one else would see this, you tell yourself. No one else would know to look. Only you could appreciate this.

You can see the individual hairs on her head, the fiber of her dress. When you focus, you can see the flowers on the rest of her skin, spreading all around her. After enough of this, you see them even when you aren’t focusing, they are a part of her now, as much as the picture is a part of you.

You find the creatures in the woods are not animals. No, they are not anything of this earth. One of them is a small, curious thing with a triangle head. It has fleshy blobs covering what you can see, and it appears to have something in its spider-like “hands”, but you can’t tell what.

You look back to the woman, and her head has moved. She’s turned to you slightly, her eyes turning to face you. Her cunning smile is now a more sincere, wholehearted smile. You can’t see the flowers in her skin at first, but when you look back, you see they have been replaced with twisting lines that seem to weave around and over eachother, creating intricate designs far too varied and detailed to MOST people to appreciate, but of course, not you. You can see them all. You can keep them all. You notice, again, a subtle handprint, and find it brings a smile. Of course you would notice that.

You look at her again, and see the lines. You smile, reflecting hers, and you see her chuckle slightly, knowing that only you two can know the secret of her skin. She gestures for you too look around, and you notice something new on the ground. A letter, opened and on its side. You get at an angle where you can read it, and it briefly fills your canvas.

You belong here, it says. You belong here. Look at the flowers, my dearest. Look at what you’ve made, what only you could appreciate.

You look, and find the flowers are now filled with images of a great war, the story of the ups and downs weaving between the petals. You watch with delight as the winning side fluctuates and characters fall in love and become friends, and, of course, die in war. You smile when one side finally wins, and the city is burned, because you were always rooting for that team. You see a mother ripped from her child, but, of course, the mother deserved it. She was on the villain’s side, remember? This is justice.

“Darling,” The woman whispers, her voice soft and caring, “Your work is most impressive.”

You look up at her and smile sheepishly. “Thank you, dear,” You say. You realize now that you can talk to her, something you never thought possible, and your heart soars. You think of all the things you can ask, all the things you can talk about, all the things she can tell you. You decide to start simple, though.

“What is your name?” You ask.

She laughs, and you find yourself entranced. “That’s up to you,” She says, “But I’ve always liked Stella.”

“Stella it is, then,” You say.

She smiles at you and reaches for your hand. “Walk with me,” she says. “I want to show you something.”

You take her hand, and its as soft as it looked. You can feel the patterns on her skin, weaving and winding around. She leads you through the woods, and you find that the roadblocks like roots and overturned trees move to avoid you. Of course they do. Of course they respect you, the creator, the only one who could see this beauty truly.

You find yourself by a much larger lake now, and she brings you to the side of it and sits with you. You look over the water, and you see shapes inside that, zig-zags moving across the water. You see the grass is full of words and stories. You look up to the stars, and see constellations, perfect to connect for you, the mind who could come up with this.

You turn your face to Stella, and she puts a hand on your face gently.

“You’re blushing, darling,” She says. You look away quickly, but she moves to see you again.

“It’s okay,” She says. “You aren’t the first one to be nervous.”

You find the words calm at first, and then you realize- not the first. Not the first.

“There have been others?” You ask.

“Yes,” She admits. “Truthfully, this is not your creation, but I didn’t want to tell you that at first. I feared you would leave.”

You’re silent, letting your anger burn within you, but a question comes to your mind.

“Where are they?” You ask.

“Don’t worry about that,” Stella answers. “It’s just us right now, okay?”

She puts a hand on your face again, and you start to calm down.

“Okay,” You say. 

“Good,” She says. You feel her hand move slightly, and you take a breath. You notice how tired you feel, and think of how nice it would be to sleep. You rest your eyes for a second, and you feel Stella rub your face.

“You can rest,” she says. “I’ll wake you in the morning.”

While you appreciate the kind words, you’re tired enough that it wouldn’t matter. You fall asleep, and when you do, you dream of the most wonderful things. You dream of shapes and patterns, small at first, but eventually growing across your mind. At first, you see some people in the distance, noisy and out of place and annoying, but they’re overtaken by the patterns. You look around and see how beautiful it is, but one thing is wrong.

You. You are not the pattern. But you feel it, then, the patterns washing over you, and you see it overtake your body, turning it into nothing. You breathe a sigh of relief, happy that you’re now perfect, happy you can see the intricacies, and you realize that this is inspiration. This is what you needed. This is how to make true art.

You can’t wait to wake up and create it.

[winstonhcomedy]

“Dope A-F” - 5/1-5/7 - “Lot’s of Shows, A Riot at Castleburg, and Do You Have Twitter?”

I GOT BEHIND AGAIN!!! WHY LAYDEES WHYYYY!!! You’ve got to keep me on my toes lovely ones. I will get these shows done. I have a lot of mics to get caught up on, but I know we can do it! So let’s get right to it! xoxo

5/1

I was trying to hit three mics tonight. It was going to be tough, but I knew I could do it. It was also Jacob McFadden’s last night hosting Home Sweet Home before he moved to PA.

My night started by doing a happy hour and hanging with some coworkers for a bit. After that I headed to Main Stage Cafe which is the home of Jay Ron’s Weak on Wednesday’s comedy show. This was the first time I was going to be able to check it out.

I got there early to sign up, and got some fried chicken Mac and cheese. I met up with Bryan Williams, and we hung out and chatted. I took a phone call with another comic about some stuff they were gong through and wanted to discuss with me, and then when I came back in more comedians started to show up.

Jay Ron gets there and he tells us he is gong to wait for a few people to get there before the show starts. There are a few comics doing the open mic, and a few for the booked portion.  This is an urban show, so it was an exclusively black audience. Which is fine with me I love working these rooms. It’s a great way to try new stuff, and see if your material works across different groups.

I am told I am going to be up second. First is Bryan. He goes up after Jay Ron and they don’t really vibe with him at all. He gets a few laughs, but his self deprecating style doesn’t really click with he 8 or 9 people that are there.

After he gets off it is my turn. Jay Ron brings me up on stage saying I am his, “n word” and that gets a laugh. I then go up and go right into crowd work. Bryan asked if anyone used facebook and no one responded so I riffed on a lady who is obviously lying because she has been on Facebook this entire show. I then talk to a single lady about if she ever been with white guys she said no in a negative tone so I riffed on her being racist, and then went into my material. I talked about teaching and it got some good responses.

I felt good about my set because I feel like I woke the crowd up, and got them involved. I love being able to be the one to crack them, and make the show better for other comics. I’d give my set a B-. Some of the crowd work was lame, but it worked, and the material did as well.

I left immediately and headed over to Emiliio’s hosted by Sho. I was hoping I’d be able to get up quickly before heading over to HSH. I walk up to the venue and it looks empty. I walk in and there are like 5 or 6 people talking at the bar and Sho says I can go up if I want. Apparently only one other comic Aaron Shoemaker even did Emilio’s that night. Which is a shame that people did not take advantage of another mic so close to HSH.

I tell him I’m ready to go up and I have a super fun 10 minute set. I try all new stuff, and the people there are super into it. I riff quite a bit, and try some stuff including my R. Kelly joke (which has been doing pretty well) and legit this is one of the more fun poorly attended mics I’ve done in a while. I’d give this set a B+. I talk to Sho a bit and then head over to HSH.

I get there and it is packed. Like legit. The show is starting in five minutes and there are about 30 comics signed up, and an actual crowd, and Jacob is starting to get super emotional.

Comics drove from all over to go up.  Some came from DC just to get a spot and say goodbye, which was really dope to see. The comics meeting was held outside and it seemed like Jacob was going to cry. I take a few pictures, and then head inside. Everybody is here. Beswick, Velez, Anthony, Kusterer, Engle, Mike Shea (Brown Frown the Clown), Stella, Richard Woody, Alex Dejulio (came from DC) Bryan, and so many others including some newbies.

The crowd is into the show from the beginning. It is jammed upstairs so you people are having to stand all the way down the stairs and it is awesome. I am up eighth and I am watching comic after comic go up and have a good set. I am so nervous, but also so ready to go.

Finally it is my turn. I go up and Jacob gives me a classic bad intro saying that I am a bad guy that everyone hated, and that I lie about teaching at a school for autism. It makes me laugh and I go up. I do a little light crowd work. I talk to a new comic who is chatty and says his name is also Jacob, and I am like, “I like old Jacob better, this new Jacob is too chatty.” That gets a laugh and then I go into my material and I have a pretty hot set. Some things don’t hit as well as others, but everything gets a laugh and my R. Kelly joke hits really hard. This is the joke I am enjoying doing the most right now,. I also used my last 30 seconds to say something nice to Jacob and just when he was getting ready to cry I made sure to throw a joke in. I’d give this set a solid A-.

I get off stage and feel super good. After me is Anthony and he has a hot set as well. I go downstairs after his and just relax and chill. I am enjoying talking to everybody and just being in the moment. I make sure to stick around for Brown Frown the Clown. I also make sure to watch Jacob give Richard Woody the worst intro of all time. He finally got to do the bit again where he brings Richard Woody up as a convicted sex offender which he has done to Richard for the last 6 years of comedy. It got a laugh and Richard said some kind words and then got off stage.

When it is Brown Frown’s turn to go up all the comics try to pack it in upstairs. People are standing on the steps and even sitting on the floor. I make sure to make my way to the front to get some good pictures. Brown Frown is a drunken clown character created by Mike Shea and a staple of RVA comedy for years and years.

This performance he pretended to be breaking up with Jacob and the set included suicide jokes, sex with poop, sex with dolls, sex with Jacob, used condoms, maggots in someone’s pee hole, and parody songs about his love for Jacob. It was the best Mike Shea performance I have ever seen.  It made me laugh so hard and I am so glad I was there to witness it. Afterwards I headed downstairs said my goodbyes and headed home. This had been a long but fun night doing comedy in Richmond.

5/3

No mics so I took off Thursday. There was also nothing going on in RVA on Friday and I wasn’t booked so I hopped on three shows in DC. I got off work and headed straight up there. I was in traffic for what felt like forever and a 2 hour drive ended up taking about 3 1/2. I get there and park where I usually do. I take a 30 minute walk to get to Comedy Club DC (at Club Heaven and Hell) which is Tom Mango’s room.

I get there and go inside. I talk to Tom for a bit. It is crazy hot upstairs because the AC isn’t on yet. Reid Clark is hosting, and he and I watch this video about how Anthony Jeselnik built his newest hour. After this some people start to show up, but we are warned it is going to be a light crowd. I grab my stuff and move to another table.

Mark Mensh a comic from up there and I had a super long nice talk. We talked about comedy and he said a lot of nice things about the blog which honestly means a lot. I don’t know I assume no one reads this so when someone else does, and they tell me things they enjoy about it it really gives me the energy to keep doing it.

We then talked about him moving into the city, and how shows have been. We talked about Gary Gulman and his everyday tips, and just continued to discuss the art of comedy. It was a nice and very fun talk.

More and more comics showed up. I met a few, but it is mostly people I don’t know at all. Bob Siegel was there and I met a dude named Jamal. We are all chilling and the show finally gets started with about 11 people there.

Tom gets in a Gumby outfit and goes up to introduce Reid as host. The first half of the show is people going up and trying to crack them. It is tough because it seems like no one is able to do it. They’ll chuckle a little, but the energy is never there, and the audience definitely needed to wake up.

Comic after comic goes up. A few do well, and a few do ok. Most don’t do very well at all. Tom is freaking out, but it is no one’s fault. These are a lot of newer and inexperienced comics, and being able to wake up a tough crowd is definitely a skill you have to develop.

Finally it is my turn. I go up and do 15. My only goal is to make the show better for everyone else after me. I have to do some crowd work, and slowly get them on my side. I get a few huge pops, and really won them over. I was sweating so much, and working my ass off. Not my best set, but it was super productive. I felt like I got the room ready for comedy, and did my job as the dude closing the first half of the show. I got to do a lot of newer stuff and it worked like I’d been doing it for a while. I’d give my set a B.

After this Tom went up and did his time. He got a few laughs, and I just hope the next few comics can really grab onto the momentum and ride it.  After him everybody started to do really well. You could tell the crowd wanted jokes, and since I got on stage another 20 or so people had come into the venue. They all had good energy and everybody did well. Even though I wouldn’t say I got the biggest laughs of the night by any means, I definitely felt good about what I had done. Mark had a good set, and a few other dudes I had never seen before really did well as well. It was nice to see.

After this I said goodbye and thanked Tom for the time. I hopped in an Uber and headed over to DC Drafthouse to do Attack of the Comics hosted by Haywood Turnipseed JR.

I get there and I am a little early. I meet a comic from NYC named Irene who is down for a music festival, and I got to walk to a few comics I hadn’t seen in a while. I got to talk to Benjy for a bit because he was opening for Anthony Devito for the two early shows. Ross showed up, and finally Haywood decided to get the show rolling. I was going to be going second so I could hit Big Hunt.

Haywood goes up and does about 10 to 15 and gets the crowd warmed up. I can tell they are gong to be fun.  After him Al Williams goes up. He just moved back, and he had a good set. After him it was my turn.

I go up and have a super hot set. Everything is working. My R. Kelly joke absolutely murders. I am so upset that I left my camera in my car like an idiot. I am desperately trying to get a good video of that joke so I can post it online before it becomes wack. The rest of my set goes well and I close really hard with a teaching joke. I'd give this set an A-. Other than a few lines up top that were weird everything worked great. I say thanks and hit the road heading over to Big Hunt.  Ross tells me he dug the R.Kelly joke and I respect that dude a lot so that felt great.

I get to Hunt and people are hanging out downstairs. Sami Sfeir is hosting and there is a good conversation about strip clubs going on downstairs. I get to talk to Lafayette, Cook, Sean, Maddy, and a few others. Naomi showed up and we got to talk about some school stuff she has coming up soon so that was nice.

I am set to go up pretty late in the show so I settle in ready to hang for a while. then I get the glorious news that Ross isn’t there yet so I get bumped up a few spots. The crowd has been drunk and weird all night. They didn’t really give Maddy anything in front of me. It derailed her set and their attention was all over the place. They didn’t seem fun, but I had to go up and work it.

I had a pretty good set all things considered. I hated it, but I know it was going pretty well. I got the R.Kelly joke to work well, and a few other things. They were drunk so I had to slow down what I was saying and try to sell it really hard. I feel good about it though. I just didn’t murder the way I wanted to. I’d give this set a b-. I then grabbed my stuff and headed right to my car. I was too tired to go home so I ended up going to TJs and passing out immediately. I have two shows tomorrow and I need my rest.

5/4

The next day I woke up and relaxed for a while before driving down to Richmond. I was going to be there pretty early and was looking for something to do. I was getting ready to go to a friend’s to take a nap but then Nathan Possum (my old partner from Comics and Consoles and the creator of Barry White Hanson) hit me up and we got lunch.

It was a lot of fun seeing him. We talked about comedy, and possibly bringing back Comics and Consoles in another form than the let’s play. Mostly we just caught up and talked shit. It was a super fun time and the best way to wind down before the first show.

I had e-mailed Mike Engle for a spot earlier in the week, but I wanted to get there early to write and relax. I head over to Castleburg Brewery to set up shop. I chill in my car a bit and then head inside once Bryan Williams gets there. We chill and talk a bit and more comics show up.

Mike gets there, a bunch of new comics, Stella, Ryan Mather, the headliners (Tim Truehart, Drew Robertson), Moe Singleton, Aaron Shoemaker, and  Ben Oliver.. We get a game of corn hole going, and legit it is one of the better hangs I’ve had doing comedy in a while. Everybody is joking around and we keep playing until showtime.

The way Game of Jokes works is you have several brackets of randomly selected comics. You don’t know when you’re going up, but when you go up you do 5 minutes and at the end of the round the audience votes on who they like, and it is up to the two judges to pick who they think had the best set. The only thing you win is an extra five minutes. Which is cool, but honestly it doesn’t matter that much.

Around the time the show starts Anthony Thompson shows up. The hang is still pretty good and there is a nice little audience. Mike goes up and he does ok. They are not vibing with his new, but I respect that he was trying to work out this new joke anyway. The first comic is this dude named Fancy Gym and he does a bit where he brings a huge red bag on stage and he goes “knock knock”. The audience goes, “who’s there”? He says, “banana,” and then proceeds to take a banana out of the bag. He does this for 5 minutes and brings out about 70+ bananas, when he finally gets to the orange it gets a pretty good laugh. He messed up the line, but it was entertaining to watch.  Kind of ridiculous, and five minutes is a long ass time to see that.

I then get a phone call and go outside. it is a dude trying to book me for a gig on Mother’s Day. While we are working out the details someone comes out and tells me it is my time to go on stage. I am kind of freaking out because this is a paid gig, but at the same time I’m not trying to ruin the show.  I ask the booker to let me call him back and as I am running inside I hear one of the judges yell, “if he doesn’t hang up that damn phone, and get in here he is gong to get bumped.” Which I felt was a little aggressive.

I get up on stage and go into my act and I have a super hot set. My R.Kelly joke gets a huge response and then I do a few teaching jokes along with my newish bit about sleep masks. I have the best set up to this point of the show. I dealt with a table of hecklers calling them juggalos after I mention Faygo, and then shitting on them a bit. They loved it and all in all it was a really fun set I was proud of. I’d give it a B+/A-.

I get off stage and go finish my phone call. I get done right as the final comic is on stage. I asked how people have been doing, and everyone says the rest of the comics in my group did ok/pretty well. I have another set to get to this night so I don't particularly want to make it to the next round, but it is definitely cool to be picked.

They ask the audience to vote for everybody. Each person gets a pretty good response, but I had a resounding response for my set. It felt cool to be able to crack them, and set the rest of the show up for success. Then it came time for the judges to pick. Tim picked his buddy Jacob who rode up with him, and Drew picked my buddy Ryan. No big deal. I was surprised but at the same time this solves the problem of sticking around for the second set.

They then have the audience vote between those two. They say Jacob’s name and no one really claps. They then say Ryan’s name and no one really claps. Mike goes, “ok well we are going to have to do it again.” As he says this a woman behind one of the judges goes, “everyone did really well, but this is bullshit we all know Winston won,” and then the crowd went insane. Like absolutely nuts. It was giving me so much anxiety because I’d never seen something like this before. In the moment it sucked, but looking back it was a pretty cool thing. One judge goes, “he is not in this so you need to pick between the two we picked.” This upset them a bit, and I had to go and be like, “hey everybody. It is ok. Pick between my friends this is a fun show.” After this they finally picked and they moved on. Tim went on stage and started his set talking about how he voted for who he rode with because he has to go back with them. Which is fine, and got a good laugh. I didn’t watch most of his set because I was feeling weird.

I went outside to kind of unwind. Like that whole situation gave me a lot of anxiety. It was weird for that to happen and feel like it was derailing the show. The vibe was just weird and I didn’t really want to be around it. While I was outside with my friends talking and relaxing the Drew dude came out to me and was like, “you had a wonderful set.” I told him he didn’t have to lie to me. I wasn’t upset, but for him to not vote for me it just means he didn’t dig my comedy which was ok. This stuff is subjective, the dude was obviously an alt comic and it wasn’t his cup of tea. He kept trying to talk to me, and I told him I didn’t want to talk. I was having an anxiety attack and this wasn’t productive. He said I had good stage presence and I was like, “dude. I do not want to hear why you didn’t pick me. It is ok, but this isn’t productive and I don’t want to hear it.” He finished with, “I’ll just shut up.” I told him that was a good idea and he went inside.

This also gave me more anxiety, but I feel like I did the right thing. It was weird for him to come out and try to smooth stuff over. I felt like everyone was making this thing a bigger deal than it was. I also just hate people being fake. Like he didn’t think I had a wonderful set. So it doesn’t make sense to lie to me about it. I felt like I didn’t get voted for because I’m a hack (I suffer from imposter syndrome quite a bit). I still hung out and watched some more of the show. I stuck around to watch part of his set, and they didn’t vibe with him up top for first few minutes so I grabbed my stuff and headed out. The vibe was wack, and I was upset because of how much fun the day was up until that point.

I got in my car as it started to rain and headed to the warehouse show I was going to be on. It is on the other side of town and it was hosted by Tom Hall.  The lineup is going to be fun, and I’m just ready to get there.

I get there at 10:40 and the show was supposed to start at 9:30 and it hadn’t started yet. Tom is pretty drunk and everyone is hanging out. It is a good vibe, and I tell a few people the story from Castleburg which alleviates some of my anxiety. LE Zarling is there as is Anne Meng, Kusterer, Paige, Buhse, Alida, Muñoz Jarvis, and a lot of others.

They have me going last and I have to ask them to bump me up because I’m exhausted and I cannot go up at 12:45 in the morning. They let me go first and we get the show started. Tom goes up and warms them up for ten minutes, and then I get to have a pretty good set.

It is as well as a show like this could go. Two doors down there is a hip hop show, and everyone had been here drinking since 8 pm. I have a good opening line thanking people for coming to a show on the set of Saw 3. That gets a good pop and the rest of my set goes well. I do ten minutes and I’d give it a B. I still feel weird, but I am proud I did my set.

After I get off stage several comics from Castleburg show up. Including Stella, Anthony, and the judge Drew. The show keeps going on and everybody is having fun. I find the cupcakes Tom made and shove about three in my mouth (I eat when I’m anxious). As the show continues the Drew guy comes up to me and we talk about it. He apologizes and I do the same. He is a nice guy and we talk comedy for a bit and it ends well. This immediately eliminates a lot of my weird feelings and we both get to enjoy the rest of the night. I think he understood where I was coming from, and got that it was a weird thing to try and do. I definitely understand he probably had good intentions, but it was not the time for it while dealing with my anxiety.

Everyone is having ok sets. I think I got the sweet spot because of how tired people were. Some people did well and people were coming and going. I had a blast and would totally do it again. Paige went up and worked some stuff out and it was definitely good to see. He and I talk for a bit and then I say goodbye to everyone. Stella and I talk about my anxiety and the night. This definitely helps. I feel a lot better afterwards and I get all my hugs in with my friends. It was truly a weird, but amazing night. I head home and pass out!

5/6

The open mic at The Southern was cancelled so I decided to do Jkogi. After work I kind of just hang around and relax. I get dinner and watch some tv and really just wind down.

I then head over to Jkogi a little early and get a nice hang in. Jack Parker is there and then Mike Engle shows up. I am trying to write some stuff down and figure it out. Ryan Mather comes in with his wife to chill. Eventually a bunch of comics are there. Moe, Rebecca, Anthony, Ben Oliver, and some others show up. The hang and vibe is pretty chill.

Kate is hosting and she has the comic meeting. I am going first and I am definitely ready to go. She goes up and works out some material about her car accident. She talks about a drawer in her car that has tampons on it. She brings me up next.

I get on stage and riff that it was exciting to find out that Kate doesn’t know that the drawer is called a glove box. This gets a laugh and I work out some material It all goes pretty well until Jacob McFadden comes in drunk and throws me off a bit (he loves doing this). I close super weak but that’s ok. I'd give this set a C-.

I get off and go outside. I decide to watch Jacob’s set. We are all hanging outside. I make a bunch of memes with him and Nate Izqieurdo and Jacob makes a setlist of what he is going to do.

I go in to film and watch him and the runs the hell out of the light. it is five minute sets and he does 10. His set is really funny, and I am glad I get to see some of those jokes one last time. He is absolutely wasted and is stepping on some of his own punchlines and messing up wording, but it was magical. Afterwards I say my goodbyes, and head out.

5/7

I am so excited for today. It is going to be three mics, and it is teacher appreciation week. So after work Kenn, Alex and I go grab some CiCi’s pizza. Which is legit one of my favorite restaurants. 

We talk about Endgame, Game of Thrones, our buddy Paige, comedy, and everything in-between. While at dinner Pat Buhse posts that Mojos is cancelled for the night because their computers are down. so now my only spots are going to be Vagabond and Fallout. 

I get to Vagabond and go in. There is one other comic and two dudes from DC hanging out. The other comic is Jack Parker and he goes up and does like 10 minutes. After him the two guys ask if I will go up.

I go up and do about 25 minutes of the most offensive stuff I have ever written. It is the kind of stuff they are into, and I haven't done that material in a long time. I don’t know if I worked any of it out, but they really enjoyed it. I felt good about myself while doing it, and realized how I dig those jokes but a lot of that stuff just doesn’t fit in my act anymore. I’d give this set a B- because it is very productive and I don’t think I could have made those two dudes laugh harder with anything else. 

One of the dudes goes up and he opens by saying R.Kelly didn’t do it, he is Afghan so he didn’t do 9/11, and that he f**cks really hard with the environment. He does his act and gets a few laughs and has a seat. It was a fun cool time. I had a blast. I grab my stuff and tell Jack I’ll meet him at Fallout.

I get to Fallout and talk to the bartender Shelby. I wait for some other comics to get there, including the host Jesse. The hang is good and Jesse finally shows up. He and I catch up and talk about what shows we have coming up. He tells me about the stuff he is going through with his dog and it is really tough to hear I feel for that dude.

Alex and Beswick show up along with Ben, Jack, Anne, Alida, Mu with Paula, and a lot of other comics. A bunch of newer guys so this is going to be fun.

I am up third. So Jesse warms them up, then Beswick works out his material (he has some really good shit cooking right now), then Jack goes and does a Kegel act out to close out, before I get on stage. 

I go up and I can’t get anything going. There is a nice little crowd and I am just eating shit on stage. There is a dude talking right at the stage and I try to address it and it doesn’t work. I have weird energy, and I have no won anyone over. Every bit that has been working lately is just dying on stage. I then do a bit and a girl in the audience goes, “do you have twitter? Because I know I’ve heard that before.” She is basically accusing me of stealing a bit off of Twitter and this sends me in a spiral. I finish my ten minutes and this set sucked. Even though I got laughs I feel like I am a piece of shit and a hack. I’d give this set an F. 

The first thing I do is go in the back and talk to Alex. We are busting balls, but I look up the joke online. I find one line of it on Twitter, but it’s an opening line. It is not the joke. I can’t find the joke anywhere, but I am leaning towards dropping it altogether (I eventually just rewrite it). I legit can’t handle that. Being a hack is the last thing I want. I want to be funny and relatable. I don’t want to play to the back of the room, but I also want to be respected.

 I am in a horrible headspace, but Brandon, and Alex talk me down.  They tell me to do some breathing exercises, and we all talk about stuff we used to deal with. They bust my balls some more, but I watch Alex’s set (really good. hot one for that crowd) and afterwards I grab my stuff and go. We talk a bit outside and I do some breathing exercises in my car before heading home to pass out!

We did it laydees! Caught up again. I’ve got some fun shows this week, and the rest of the month. Tonight I am in Blackstone near where I grew up. We will see if I am a draw at all in that area (forecast says not even a little bit.) I will be back tomorrow sweetie pies! xoxoxo

[ghostmartyr]

Pokémon Black 2 Randomized Nuzlocke Run [Part 3]

With some interesting carnage leading us through it, the second badge has been earned. Better yet, we got a TM for a Special Poison move, so Caspet can now be a little more secure in her help.

Team as of the moment:

Stella (Poliwhirl)

Caspet (Gastly)

Okay then.

New routes please.

Hey me.

I have been invited to Pokestar Studios. It’s like Hollywood. Roxie’s dad ran off there to be a movie star. Roxie’s now running off there to talk him out of it. We’re going to run off there and have a terrible time with movies.

I don’t know why I remember the movie place. I think there was either some achievement or plot barrier there, and I hated the process but perfectionism insisted on trying again and... idk. Hopefully that distaste won’t be part of this run.

Can I please just be allowed to catch a third party member.

Is there any grass here. Please.

Stop dragging me to movies.

Stop dragging me to terrible movies.

Like there’s clearly some Emotions going on with Roxie’s father, but oh my gosh I do not play these games for becoming a movie star. ;-; Free me. ;-;

I have control of myself again, so I don’t know if I actually have to shoot a movie, but I feel like Roxie and her dad might require me to, and in any case, one won’t hurt too badly. I guess.

Wait, was it a medal thing? Is that why I made myself nuts over this?

Movie shot, script followed, yay, leaving.

Ahoy, plot!

Sequel Team Plasma is so very open about wanting to take over the world. How refreshing. They’ve gone from knights to pirates. Most excellent.

Pop Roxie is back to captaining, so it’s time to run off to Castelia and find another darn teammate.

And our first act of being in Castelia is a clown giving us a bicycle. Rocking.

A boat takes us to Liberty Garden. I think this is where Victini is if Victini is activated, but I’m not sure if that will be the case with this version. The important question is... does it also have other grass.

Fuckdamn it doesn’t.

Yay, entering random buildings in Castelia gave me an Exp. Share.

In keeping with me doing stupid things, I go to the Game Freak building and chat up some of the trainers who are not nearly as strong as they are post-game, thank goodness.

I really.

Really.

Would like.

More than two pokemon in my party.

I also finally gave in and talked to the medal guy in the Pokemon Center.

My achievement hunting tendencies are going to be the largest obstacle between me and any progress ever.

-whispers-

I want all of them.

Other conversations gave me an Eviolite, so that goes to Stella. ...Wait, no, Caspet. Uggggggh.

Burgh is missing from his Gym, which is fine, since I don’t think I’m ready for another round. I’m just walking around trying to check off whatever plot stuff I can that will let me catch something else.

Oh hey, I think talking to Iris opens up the sewers! I think that means I can catch something down there! !!!!

Pleeeeeease give me something.

Please, ominous guise of darkness.

Oh no.

Russell’s partnering with us, so. Uh. What’s the rule for this? I have to catch the first thing I see, but as long as I’m in a duo, I won’t be able to throw a ball very easily...

Fuuuuuuck.

Okay. We took out Panpour.

I have the ability to throw a ball, which means.

This is my catch option for the route.

Haaaa. And Russell’s Dewott is using Fury Cutter. Its damage will keep going up. I think I have two tries to catch it.

Yeehaw.

Try one is a bust.

Oh hey that’s neat! The Dewott used Razor Shell on Stella, because Stella has Water Absorb and had taken damage! That’s smarter than I expected from the partner AI.

And that means I can spare a turn or two trying to put Serperior to sleep. Since Stella still has Hypnosis.

Yo, it hit! And Dewott heals me again!

But. I need Serperior to be more damaged. I shouldn’t risk attacking. ...I’ll just keep throwing balls and wait for Dewott to hurt it a little more.

HECK YEAH WHO’S DA MAN.

Hot damn that was stressful.

Now I gotta give this girl a name.

Sylarana, wanna rock?

Also, now having Russell with me is a good thing, because this squad could use some levels.

What are you like, Syl?

She’s Careful and proud of her power.

Yeah, pride looks good on that sprite.

I don’t know what Serperior’s stats are with a neutral nature. That takes some stress off, since I’ll just go with the flow, but I prefer to know what I’m getting into, usually. Either way, Defense is stronger than Attack, and that’s just fine.

Female Nidoran are down here, too.

This is working out well enough. Yay for buddy healing. I almost don’t want it to ever end. It’s so convenient.

I shouldn’t do this forever, though. That would get boring fast.

My starter breathing. Also cool pirate outfits in Pokemon Go.

Mooks dispatched.

Gym Leader located!

Look at Burgh being all artsy with his tour of the sewers.

Huh, and Russell just hands us Strength. Because all our pals are true bros in this gen.

Then a dude with anime hair walks out of the hole in the wall.

YO NEW ROUTE.

‘ello there.

...I am possibly not going to be able to catch you due to lack of poke balls and you being remarkably stubborn.

Hey, there we go!

What to name you... what to name you... A magnificent sea serpent with a rainbow tail...

Nessy!

Without Russell healing us every fight, we can’t stick around. Back out of the sewers we go, to receive happy words from Iris. Well. Sort of happy words. She worries about Russell and tells us to challenge the Gym.

I, being a compliant sort, walk back into the sewers after healing.

Okay I guess it’s a cave. Sylarana out front, Nessy with Exp. Share while I contemplate what the heck this team does against a Bug Gym.

Ooooh, Forretress.

...

Is. is there anywhere I can go that can pave the way to me getting a Fire pokemon?

You know what, I don’t like things that blow themselves up at me. Guh, this is taking forever. I might need to buy a few Repels just so I can explore the cave properly... I believe there’s grass somewhere past the sewers, and if I could have a slightly more diverse team going into the next whatever, I’d like it.

Oh, and before I forget, Nessy!

She is Quirky and mischievous. She and Stella have half their personalities in common. Delightful. Marvel Scale is also a neat ability to have. Not one I can utilize properly because I’m a competitive failure, but still cool.

Neat, there’s Pidgeot down here.

Looks like there’s not much of the cave to explore at this point in the game. Ah well. Back to the sewers.

Hm. Would the desert north of Castelia be open to me yet? That could prove useful. Heck, is anywhere outside of this city open? I just need a little patch of grass somewhere new.

Bridge still being inspected.

A wild Bianca appears!

Dowsing Machine get!

Hello, this is new.

But there’s still spots of desert.

OH MY GOSH LOOK AT IT.

Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh.

Caught!

Your new name is Itsy, and you are much beloved!

Itsy is Modest and somewhat vain, and ouch that is not a nature I think I like for this little one, but adorableness beats everything, so we’re good.

Butterfree is also in the desert. Oooo Pawniard. Back to the sewers, though. Easier training fodder.

Grass located!

...And if I were a better trainer, I would go back and buy poke balls before exploring, but I have the impulse control of a toddler. Oh, and it’s dark grass vs. light grass...

Decision will be made by rapidly running between the two and seeing what triggers an encounter first.

Dark grass it is!

Aaaaaaaa fuck off.

I love Lapras so much. So so so so so so so so much. But I have two Water pokemon already, as well as an Ice one. I. can’t focus on catching the Lapras. It would be a bad idea.

You have never seen anyone so sad to encounter a Dratini during a Nuzlocke.

The wild Lapras fainted.

Oh fucking hell the Dratini knows Dragon Rage and both my pokemon are under 40 HP. Caspet’s turn on healing Caspet, Sylarana’s turn on getting her out of there.

Okay. Confused and slept.

Now I just. catch it. With four poke balls and two great balls left.

...Three poke balls, and guess who woke up.

Great ball. C’mon great ball.

..One great ball left.

Also if Dratini hurts itself in confusion one more time it is dead.

FORTUNE SMILES ON THE CRIMINALLY STUPID.

Now let’s run everyone back through the sewers and--

Did. did I really hit the no nickname option.

Ffs.

Okay, run back through the sewers, hit the Pokemon Center, and then name the critter. The Name Rater’s somewhere in the city, I think.

Heh. The guy in the alleyway still gives us Flash.

Congratulations, Puff! You are now eligible for activity!

Puff is Quiet and alert to sounds. An adorable addition to our squad. He’s going to be temporarily up front thanks to Dragon Rage. The Game Freak fights are once a day, and it’s been a day, so!

I believe in you, Puff!

Dragon Rage is so op this early. Dreamor agrees. But Puff’s ours, so that makes it okay.

Hm. I have six now. They could keep each other out of trouble.

There are so many areas in these sewers I can’t get to. Or maybe I can, it just involves more maze work than I’m expecting. ...Yeah, it’s looking like that side. Hey, a nurse guy! Yay for less walking up to the Pokemon Center.

Oh, and Poison... might be super effective against Bug? I think the whatsit thing he has is Bug/Grass, so that isn’t actually much of a confirmation. Eh, I’ll find out soon enough.

I’ve found a room full of Zweilous. That’s a safe grinding area, right? Itsy’s got Ice and everything. Vullaby and Dwebble are also here.

Heeeeeey, Caspet’s evolving!

And wants to learn another physical Ghost move.

Bye Lick.

Okay, Gym it is.

...Wow Burgh. Really went full Art on the place, huh? Did trainers complain that you were forcing them to walk through honey before letting them fight you?

Puff’s up first. I don’t have much type advantage here, so it’s just going to be hitting things until they break.

Burgh.

Hey Burgh.

This Gym is creepy.

The cocoons just suck you in and zoom you up. Only think Willy Wonka style.

Mooks have level 20s, so this should be a little uncomfortable for a few of the younger members, but Caspet, Stella, and Sylarana should be fine. For now, Puff’s still in front and Dragon Raging all the things.

And we’re going to the Pokemon Center after every fight, but hey. Baby steps in all things. Puff is on one of the slower exp tracks, so every little bit helps.

...Burgh. Buddy.

You want to talk?

This Gym feels like a cry for help.

In true shounen protagonist style, I will settle your troubled emotions through battle! Even if none of the dialogue will admit to how concerning the aesthetics of your chosen arena are!

Everything is hitting critical hits.

...Oh wait, I’m supposed to narrate these fights, aren’t I?

Uh. Swadloon down, Dwebble down, Leavanny left, Leavanny’s level 24. Caspet’s out to deal with it after Puff handled Swadloon and Nessy handled Dwebble.

Caspet one-shots it like a champ, and on we go.

Burgh, this trinket in no way makes me less concerned for you.

Still, though! Everyone’s alive, and we have a team full of six! Nice work, ladies and Puff. Five more badges to go! Let’s hope they go well!

[stars-in-bits]

In Which Ashley Unfriends Me On Everything!

So on twitter @slumberlands mentioned she wanted fanfiction of her characters...and since I’m a FUCKING goblin I did it. I’m sorry Ashley please I love you don’t unfollow me lol. Also if you do approve I have plans for other chapters so just a heads up this won’t be the last time possibly lol. Anyways enjoy this trainwreck!

              “I’m telling you Stella it was an angel, a violent, sexy angel” Stella sighs as she snips another section of the man’s hair ‘Lee you’re being ridiculous. First angels are not real, second you can’t fall for every guy you see. Especially not some random man who saves you from a mugging” Lee laughs “Told ya Stella it wasn’t a mugging, it COULD have been a mugging, but it wasn’t BECAUSE my angel saved me.” Stella looks up at the mirror, so Lee could see her glaring at him. “You know I don’t have my glasses, right? I can’t see you glaring.” She rolls her eyes going back to cutting his hair “No but you can feel it huh?” They both chuckle as she finishes up his cut. ‘There you go finished, though I really wished you let me cut your bangs.” She ruffles the long hair that covers his left eye. “At least I’m not blonde anymore” They both shiver at those dark times.

              Lee slides out the chair standing over Stella by a good foot. “How much Stel?” She shakes her head “Nah this one’s on me. Think of it as payback for dinner last week.” She says as Lee takes out his wallet “Stella I got to pay you something” She shakes her head again “Not a chance, besides you have to get back to work soon.’ They both look at the clock “Fuck you’re right” He roughly pulls out a crumpled 20 and shoves it in the tip jar on Stella’s station “Bye love you!” he shouts as he sprints out using his long legs to his advantage to exit the shop before he can hear Stella complain about the money.

              Once a safe distance away he slows down laughing to himself. He lazily walks the city streets looking at the buildings as he makes his way back to the tattoo shop. He stops looking at some bright roses outside a corner florist, they’re a nice contrast against the gray stormy atmosphere of the day. “Should probably get some for Stella as an apology for running out like that” he mutters playing with one of the petals “Maybe after work” he shrugs turning stepping off the curb behind him.

              It all happens at once Lee hears a honk a flash of light and somebody grabbing his arm hauling him off the street onto the sidewalk where he falls back right on his ass. “What the hell were you thinking?” a gruff voice almost barks at him as he tries to reorient himself. Lee looks up to see a shorter rather built looking blonde man, Lee looks him over something in his brain almost recognizing him but failing to make that last connection. “Let me repeat myself what in the actual fuck we’re you doing? Do you want to die?” the man stands scowling at him “Uh no s-sorry I just wasn’t paying attention.” Lee nervously chuckles “Wasn’t? Jesus fucking Christ you some kind of idiot?” the mystery man scoffs, Lee furrows his brows standing up “I didn’t ask for your help, it’s appreciated but seriously you don’t get to insult me just because you saved me” Lee brushes himself off catching eyes on a scrapped palm that he prays silently won’t heal and leave another scar. “Whatever man just be careful” the man turns and Lee watches as he heads into the florist shop and gets behind the counter putting on an apron. Lee snorts wondering how such an unpleasant man could work in such a pleasant looking place. He moves forward using the crosswalk this time turning the last corner and heading into work.

               “Lee you’re late” he hears almost immediately as soon as he walks in Tatiana, his boss, stands giving him a joking smirk. “Sorry Tatty almost died on the way here, so sorry if that inconveniences your day so much” he laughs “Just get on the phone so Sam can get back to work” Lee nods sliding behind the desk Sam getting up “Died huh? How this time?” She kind of chuckles Lee rolling his eyes at the sarcasm in her tone “I did, I wasn’t looking and almost got hit by a car. Some random guy pulled me off the street before I did.” Lee sits looking at the computer logging in and looking over the calendar. A certain entry catches his eye “Sam why the hell do you have something called Ronnie’s birthday saved for Friday?” Sam looks up from her station “What? Oh right, that’s my friend Ronnie’s birthday” Lee sighs “I got that but why is it in our work calendar?” Lee says exasperated as Sam laughs “Oh Ron’s brother sent me a text reminding me, so I just put it in.”

“Why didn’t you just put it in your phone calendar?” Tatty asks, Sam gives a quizzing look “You know I’m not sure” The eye roll between the two others in the shop is audible. “Relax you know you two should come, you can even bring Ellison, Tat” Tatty looks over at Lee “What day is it?” Lee looks back at the calendar “Uhhh Sunday” he calls back “No can do, that’s our date night.”

“What about you Lee might meet a cute someone to date? Come with me huh?”

“I’ll uh I’ll think about” Lee gives her a polite smile. She goes to say more but is cut off by a customer entering the shop. Lee helps them check in and directs them to Sam who can’t say more as she has to now focus on the girl who’s walked in. Lee turns back looking over the birthday saved in the calendar, he goes to delete it off the work calendar but finds himself hesitating. Something inside him says to write the information down. “Fuck it” he mutters under his breath he takes a post-it note writing down the details before clearing it out. He stares at the note before shoving it in his pocket trying to push it out of his mind for at least today.

               The rest of the day is pretty subpar Lee listening to whatever cryptid podcast he has downloaded to drown out the sound of the tattoo guns as he takes appointments or rather waits for people to come and try to make appointments. To be honest he’s probably spent more of the day playing Papa’s Freezeria more than taking appointments just as a way to make time pass faster. Lee peeks over at the clock seeing he has three minutes till the shop closes. He groans internally looking over at his freezeria where all progress will be lost very soon. Nevertheless, he closes the window and starts getting ready to go home when he hears the familiar sound of the door opening, a bell ringing through the shop. Lee groans looking up at the bitch who has the audacity to come in last minute almost literally.

              His heart stops seeing the rude blonde man from earlier who while he did save his life was still a royal dick. “Hey, I want to make an appointment” he walks up to the counter and Lee prays he just doesn’t recognize him. “Uh sure do you have an artist in mind?” Lee looks down more thankful now than ever that Stella didn’t cut his bangs. “I need someone who can do a big traditional piece.” He says looking at the art on the wall. “Then you’ll want Tatiana, we can set up a consult appointment on Friday at 3” Lee says looking at the calendar knowing there are earlier dates, but Friday is his day off, best way to minimize contact with this guy. “Yeah that should work” Lee lets out a sigh of relief “Ok and I’ll need a name and a number to contact.” The guy nods giving his number “And your name?” Lee peaks out from his hair curtain as the man stands seeming almost like he’s contemplating telling him his name. “Yeah, it’s Ben, Ben Williams”

[moonlightreal]

Let’s watch in Italian!

Let’s watch some Winx Club in Italian!  I know no Italian but I can comment on the visuals and guess at what they’re saying.  And I’m super impatient for more Winx and not in the mood to type my fanfic or sew more right now.

There will be real episode summaries/reactions when the English episodes come out.

Hit raiplay to watch along—at the moment season 8 has episodes 16-21 though that may change at any time.

19 La Torre Oltre le Nuvole

Italian theme song! My favorite theme is the first but season 4 and 6 are other favorites. Season 8s is fun too, not as forgettable as some.

Flying!  Cowboy flying!  Even Stella seems to be having fun by now.  I like Bloom’s hat, it has mismatched wings on it.

The girls fly down towards some islands… and there’s Diaspro running up to Bloom! Neither is thrilled to see the other.  I wish I knew what they said, I think Disa is giving a sob story-- I would expect it to be a sob story about herself but… no!  Points to Diaspro, she’s told them that Sky is in danger.  And there he is, running from the black unicorn who keeps zapping him with fire!

Sky trips and falls!  His doom approaches!

I think the Winx direct their steeds to fly down and help sky, but they won’t. They’re scared of the black unicorn.  Aisha says they should transform and fly down themselves but Flora has a better idea.  She talks to the trees… it doesn’t work, too much negative energy.

Poor Sky dodges some more zaps.

Bloom’s unicorn dives down, it’s trailing rainbow colored sparkles.  Then the other winx unicorns get brave enough, they kind of circle the black one trailing rainbows.  I think this is unicorn positivifying magic! Heroic music plays!  Bloom uses her bond with her unicorn, I think, and they glow all sparkly.  All the winx unicorns fly in formation making a rainbow in the sky.  Sparkles fall on the black unicorn and he lights up all rainbowy before returning to his usual color.  He’s saved!

The girls land, and Bloom makes sure Sky is ok.  Tecna snaps her fingers and fixes Sky’s suit, love that.

Aisha goes to say hello to the black unicorn, but even rescued he’s a little standoffish.  Here come the unilumens and I think they’re telling the story of the black unicorn.  I think he has a tragic past.

Diaspro joins the party and shuts Bloom down when she tries to talk, then says some Diaspro-ish things to Sky.  Flora hides her face in her hat.  Ooooh, I bet Diaspro just referenced how long she and Sky have been out unchaperoned.  Bloom’s pissed.  Diaspro snarks back.  Sky is embarassed, yeah I bet you are Sky you let her lead you all over the magic dimension.

The black unicorn suddenly advances on Diaspro, who backs away in terror.  then—it licks her face and crouches down to let her mount!  I wish I knew what Diaspro and the lumens were saying, but it seems this unicorn has chosen Diaspro!  She mounts and they fly away.  Diaspro calls something back—but is it, “I’m turning over a new leaf, I’m gonna spend time with creatures who want to be around me!” or is it, “Now I’ve got unicorn power, I’ll win Sky’s heart in season nine!”  Which is it?  I don’t know!  Will she still have a unicorn friend next time she comes to bring the couple drama to our show?  Sadly, probably not, but it would be way cooler if she did!

Stella’s just glad that’s over.

Bloom gives Sky a stare.  The two of them go, ‘hmmf!’ and look away from each other.  I groan.

Flora tries to distract from all this and get everybody back on track for the mission and the rest of the Winx get on board, though Stella says something dumb first.

Sky and Bloom argue.  

Just dump him Bloom, a guy who doesn’t have the backbone to avoid the ex he hates is about as bad as one who actually still likes the ex.

We escape from that and go flying some more!

The Trix watch from the ground.  They chat a bit then go flying after the Winx.

Flying.  Bloom and Sky argue.  he’s flying with his suit wings, not sharing a unicorn.

Magic barrier ahead!  The unicorns light their horns up in a cool visual effect and the barrier opens.  Everyone flies through.

They emerge in what looks like the same place except up ahead is a floating island with a horn-shaped tower.  So I guess they went to a different part of Monocerous.  A purple light shines from a window at the top of the tower.

Instead of just flying there, the unicorns drop the girls off at the bottom of the tower.  ‘Cause you gotta dungeon crawl, you can’t just start at the final room! The girls thank them, and the unicorns fly away.

And then the skies grow stormy!  Sky and Stella have to jump back from a lightning strike.

And there’s our new favorite Trix!  With the other two.

Cosmix time!  The ops I love more in Italian but the transformation songs I don’t care about the language as much.  Except Sirenix, because Sirenix.

Aisha makes a BIG morphix bubble around the Winx, but Darcy takes her out pretty quick so I guess she overreached herself.

Battle battle fighting fighting, we’ll get the prime star first…

Icy does the smart thing and flies towards the top of the tower.  Sky confronts her and Icy… slaps him with a giant ice cube!  Ahahaha!

Bloom sees her sweetie flying through the air stuck to a giant ice cube… but Sky uses his suit and unsticks himself.  He and Icy grab for the prime star!  They’ve both grabbed it!  Purple light explodes out of the tower!

Bloom’s flying up to help when she gets whooshed into the purple and the she’s in this… rainbowy iridescent space?  The background looks like the glittery cosplay fabric I buy for twenty bucks a yard, but only if I have a really good coupon.

In this magic-space Sky is flying, dodging spears of ice.  Icy has some good minimal magic gestures too, she’s summoning big ice stalagmites with just a flick of her finger.  I guess the animators haven’t seen Frozen. Sky is trapped.  Bloom is upset!

Oh no, Bloom can either help Sky or go after the prime star, which will she choose? She looks back and forth.  Sky, to his credit, is trying to escape for himself.  He tells Bloom to go after the prime star.

Cool epic fight music!  Bloom summons her fire dragon, we see it grow out of her hand.  She sends the dragon after Icy while she grabs the prime star. Sky does something with his suit and he lights up and busts out of the ice prison.  Hooray!  In Italian i think Sky did the “yelling the name of your attack” thing when he lights up his suit.

The star case appears and the star tells them something, I presume about how they got the star because they trusted each other.

Icy comes back for more… but the Winx are ready.  Flora blows away all three Trix with a petal storm.  We’re blasting off again!

The girls congratulate themselves.

Their unicorns and the unilumens fly by overhead, and Twinkle flies down to join them.

Now would be a good time for… a concert!  With only Sky as the audience.  Twinkle briefly sits on Sky’s head, which is adorable, then she sits in his arms.  I love that, I always felt there wasn’t enough sitting on each other when the girls had their pixies, you know?  It seems like the kind of bond that would lead to snuggling, like with kittens.

The girls sing, the unicorns fly overhead, Sky nods in time to the music, then he and Bloom have a romantic moment.

Next time: Winxboards!  Mielle!  A giant… pokemon?

20 Il cuore verde di Lynphea

Green Heart of Lynphea, I can understand that just from being Latin-based languages.

Alfea!  Grizelda is giving a lecture in some place with really big plants.  isn’t there a greenhouse that’s like, a portal to another realm with giant plants?  Grizelda conjures a book with old-style botanical drawings of plants inside and an oak leaf on the cover.  The page it opens to has a blue flower and a pomegranate.  

I want to hear more even if I can’t understand it, but the camera follows Flora to an area with normal-sized flowers.

Grizelda lectures. Aisha follows Flora.  Flora’s checking out a bush with buds on it. Aisha magics the buds—but instead of blooming, they stick out their tongues at her!  Hah!  Grizelda comes over and tells Aisha off for using random magic, I assume.

Bloom has a great idea.  Is it a concert?  Every idea Bloom has this season is a concert.

Tecna touches a flower and it slaps her hand with a little vine.  Flora explains… something to Tec.

Stella sings a line to a flower, then talks in a slow hypnotic voice as she tries some magic.  The flower spits water at her.

Grizelda gives them a lecture about not upsetting the plant life.

Star case!  We’re going to Lynphea!  Flora’s happy she’ll get to see her sister.

Valtor’s asteroid!  We’re going to Lynphea!  Stormy lords it over her sisters that she found the prime star.  Darcy has to get between her and Icy.  Valtor opens a portal, but Darcy hangs back after her sisters go through, giving Valtor a significant look.  Hmm.

Winxboarding!  They land at Flora’s house and there’s Mielle!  She’s wearing the outfit from season 6 but looks like the age from season 3.  I mean, art style yeah, but I’d say she really has de-aged.  She comes up about to flora’s waist.  We’ll see if she transforms.

She’s still as fiesty as ever, she says she’s coming along and calls a giant ladybug.  Flora tells her to stay home where it’s safe, like Flora always does.  Bloom backs Flora up; the Trix are dangerous!  The star case appears and its compass points the way, so the Winx summon their boards and fly off.  Mielle follows on her ladybug, because she’s Mielle.  This is exactly what happened in season 7, isn’t it? Mielle follows and rescues them?  Flora should just let her come along!

Giant flowers! Winxboarding!  A walled garden!  that’s where we’re going!

Flora tells them something worrying about the garden… maybe like how you have to be in tune with nature, which the girls certainly were not back at Alfea.

Then there is some singing.  Even more random than the rest of the singing, because we can’t see who is doing it!

It’s these weird flower people.  They are very weird.

They open the gate into the garden, but before the Winx can run through it grows back closed again.  Flora realizes it’s the dance the flower people did that made the gate open.  Stella magics the girls into these adorable flower ballerina dresses.  Stella’s is the best I think, she’s got orange and yellow that go well together.  Musa has good colors too, the others are a bit too pastel for my taste.

Time to dance!  the girls leap around—en pointe, which normal people cannot just do, you have to train your muscles like a long time.  That’s about the limit of my knowledge of ballet: that it’s a serious physical discipline you have to practice every day.  As they leap about the girls’ skirts twirl independently, so this episode must be to sell a doll line with twirling skirts.  They dance around, leap in the air, dance on giant flowers.  I like the idea that the twirling skirts make them float, that could be a fragment of an idea about clothes that give you powers.  Like Mai’s bracelets in Mai-hime, they float out from her arms and she can fly with them.  The visual is neat.

It works!  The gate opens!  The Trix arrive just a minute too late, the Winx have gone through.

Darcy summons an illusion of the dancing Winx to make the gate open.  Go Darcy, that is smart!  Also how did she do that?  I guess they were watching the Winx dance and recreated what she saw.

The inside of this place I’ve been calling a walled garden is really neat.  it’s big, it has many levels and a bridge… it reminds me of a Starcastle!  That’s what it looks like.  It also looks like a wedding cake with several tiers.  On top is a very important heart grown with vines.  that’s where the prime star will be!  There are stairs and paths through the different gardens to get there.

The star case appears and disappears.  The flower people, who I think are called lillin, come to guide the winx to the top.

Up one set of stairs!  The lillin give the Winx seeds which sprout when they put them down.

Next garden! Lillin raking very small gardens and… aloe leaves with giggling faces?  That was weird.

The girls reach the heart at the top!  they’re basically walking on tiptoe even while wearing ballet flats.  The heart has a door in it and Bloom is sure this is where we’ll find the prime star.

Back with Mielle, she’s caught up with the Trix!  She hides behind a bush and listens to them plot.  How’d Mielle get in here?

The Winx now walking flat-footed approach the heart when the ground rumbles and up sprouts a… radish pokemon.  If there were a pokemon based on a radish, this would be it.  This is not the radish spirit in Spirited Away.  It looks friendly at first, then roars at the Winx.

Aisha is keen to try violence but Flora tries talking first.  She gets nowhere. Mielle comes running up then and she and Flora say a few words.

Cosmix time!  We’ll try violence after all!

Flora and Mielle argue, Mielle runs off crying.

Winx vs. radish!

The Trix see Mielle run past and Darcy realizes they can use her as a hostage to get the prime star.  She knows Mielle’s name and that she’s Flora’s sister, which is creepy to me.  Mielle gets zapped with Darcy-magic.

Winx vs radish! Bloom does her dragon, which goes right through the critter, which then falls to the ground as an actual radish.  That fight ended fast!

But here’s Icy and Stormy!  As they face the Winx, flora hears Mielle’s voice calling for help.  She abandons the Winx to save her sister.  Flora searches and finds Mielle passed out under a tree.  She says she was attacked by Darcy.

I’m pretty sure this IS Darcy, but Flora heals her sister’s injured leg while the Winx fight the other two.  Flora picks up Mielle and they fly up to the heart.  The rest are still fighting and I think Mielle says Flora should get the prime star while they’re distracted.  This is solid logic and Flora goes into the heart.  

It’s a very leafy room with the prime star floating in its hamster ball in the center. Mielle hops out of Flora’s arms and runs to it—and grabs it and turns into Darcy.  And laughs and flies off.

So Darcy can change her weight when she uses an illusion; Flora was carrying her and the real Darcy would weigh the same as Flora.

The real Mielle wakes up in the forest.  She’s fine, and mad.

The Trix make a clean getaway with the prime star!

Mielle runs up and hugs Flora.  

Next scene the girls are back in their space clothes sitting on the front steps of Flora’s house.  Flora has guilt over being tricked.  Mielle I think says it’s her fault for following, but Flora says something that makes it all right and they smile and laugh.  Mielle conjures a rose that sparkles with magic.

I do kinda like that Mielle didn’t rescue them, so it wasn’t exactly the same plot as last season.  But i wish She’d gotten to get a little revenge on Darcy!

Then we’re back at Alfea and the flowers  from the beginning of the episode have bloomed.  Flora casts a spell and sparkles come spiraling up from them.  She’s wearing the flower that Mielle gave her in her hair, so I guess sisterly love gave her the magic of nature.

Next time: Melody! Musa’s dad!  Riven!  Darcy getting up to more stuff!  Dance Dance Revolution!  Some very strange outfits!