#thanks for reading this huge essay <3333< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[faededaway]

𝔻𝕙𝕒𝕝𝕚𝕤 ℤ𝕒𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕪 𝕩 ℝ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣 [𝟙𝟠+, 𝕞𝕕𝕟𝕚]

[1k words, backstory, power imbalance, voyeur + noncon + kidnapping(?) + no sex +gn]

DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT: DARK CONTENT: NONCON!!!!!!!!

Perhaps, you're lucky. Out of 400 trainees, you were unlikely to make top 10. If you didn't make top 10, you'd be stuck in the Garrison. That would be more humiliating than being unemployed. Survey corps wasn't even an option. To you, the world within the walls is big enough.

So when the premier himself, called you out of the stampede of 200 other trainees running towards who knows what (a finish line so far, you'd forgotten it existed), you didn't question it. You should have, at least, asked him 'why me'. You weren't even aware he was watching. Is this something he did regularly? Was his palace life that idle and boring?

With a glance, he ordered you to follow him. He walked to his carriage, parked not too far away from the training ground. It's almost like he could have watched from the windows if he wanted. The only officer awaiting the premier, held the carriage door open after he climbed in. You took that as a sign to get in.

You can't recall the exact conversation that followed. What you do recall is the feeling of his grey eyes raking over your body. At that time, you were sure it was because of your dishevelled state. Sweat dripped down your forehead and soaked your shirt.

“Do you want to work in the palace?”, you're sure he'd asked.

“Of course! It's the most prestigious job one could have!”, you'd said and then gasped and stuttered out an apology when you realized you may have offended his job position. You didn't mean to call military officers more important than the premier. It's just a very honorable job!

He'd laughed and cut you off. Next thing he said might've been something like, “well, that's a shame. I came to offer you a job. But I don't think you'd want such a dishonorable one.”

"No! Of course not! I mean, no, yes! No, not no! But, yes! I, I do! I do want the job! Your job! No, not your job! But, I mean,” you'd almost sank to your knees and grovelled before he cut you off again. His laughter swelled his chest this time, you felt it vibrate in yours too.

“You sure? The job I'm offering is a lot more demanding than one of a military officer's. I picture you to be sore more often than not,” his eyes raked your body once again as his lips curled into a sinister smile.

You thought he saw you as weak. Maybe you were weak. But a job with the premier was bound to pay a lot. Right?

“I am most grateful that the premier is offering me a job! I cannot think of any reason to decline the offer, sir.”

“Oh? You sure you don't want to ask any questions?”, he teased again.

“No, sir!”

He'd laughed and knocked on the window. That was when you looked around the carriage and saw your luggage sitting by his feet. Did he know you'd say yes or did you not have a choice in the matter? Sadly, these questions only came to you once the carriage was on the move.

The carriage had taken you deeper into the walls than you'd ever been. Life within Wall Sina looked like a different nation with buildings taller than you'd ever seen and clothes as bright as the flowers in the fields you grew up in.

The trip from the Training Corp to Wall Sina was long enough for you to ask about your job but it was the premier who asked you questions instead.

Some questions seemed to be related to your job, “are you an early riser? Do you prefer to be told what to do or to do things on your own?”

Others sounded like filler questions, “do you have a pet? What do you think of collars?”

Then there were some questions which had to be a test of some sort, “do you think thoughts normal people don't? Do you find it hard to fit in?”

So many questions later, you were more puzzled about this job than before. Nothing told you what he had in mind for you.

“This is were you will do most of your work. I need you to be at arm's reach at all times so you will follow where I go. For now, welcome to my residence.”

That was the first thing you learned about your job. The carriage had brought you straight to the premier's home.

The premier stepped out of the carriage first and, to your surprise, held out hand to help you out. You had, of course, thanked him for his generosity while accepting his help. Later, his hand moved to your back while giving you a tour of his house.

The layout of the house was like any average posh house. The entrance lead to a hallway which introduced the living room. A kitchen and dining hall were next. The walls and floors had carved wood panels and every chair looked good enough to sleep on. A vase sat everywhere a case could sit. A tapestry lay everywhere a tapestry could lay. It was a lavish home. He lead you upstairs where all the bedrooms were, carrying your luggage himself.

“You can call this space yours for now,” he spoke once reaching the last door in the similarly lavish corridor. He urged you to open the door and waited for you to walk in first.

Compared to what you saw downstairs, it was a modest room. It held nothing more than the necessities: a bed, a dresser, and a chair. It was, perhaps, the size of the room that made it look more bare than it was.

A light thud of your bag meeting the floor followed these words, “the room right next to yours is my study. One across that is my room. All other rooms are bare.”

He paused for a moment before looking down at you, not moving his hand away from your back, “I will give you one last chance to ask questions. Any question about this job.”

An almost stoic look overtook his features. For a second, you wanted to flee. But you gathered yourself before saying, “I- I trust the premier knows my capabilities. I will do as you say and I will do them to the best of my, my abilities.”

The smile in his eyes didn't match the tone of his voice when he said, “naïve lamb, you trust me? Don't ever say I didn't give you a choice.”

He pulled away then, making a show of flicking dirt off of his clothes, “you need a wash first. Walk with me.”

Shame ran through your face. He was right but his tone embarrassed you, somehow making you feel worse than Keith Shadis's taunts.

In your predicament, you failed to notice how the door to your room had no locks on the inside but had a bolt on the outside.

Strangely, it's his bedroom that he walks into. When inside, he walks through another door which opens to a bathroom. There lay what looked to be a bucket, large enough to fit a person, filled with water. A stool with soap and towels stood next to it.

“Get in.”

You weren't sure what the premier meant. Surely, he didn't mean-

“Take off your clothes and get in the tub,” he said in a gentler tone, walking towards the exit.

Seeing him walk away, you reached for the buttons on your shirt. You were eager to be presentable before the premier.

All your clothes laid on the floor when you sat in the bucket. Its contents spilled over, soaking your only change of clothes. You couldn't care for it then, basking in the warmth.

You took your time in the water. Rubbing your sore limbs and cleaning your crevices. You really did want to appear proper in front of the man who chose you out of 200 others and brought you to be ... Well, you weren't sure what your job was.

You thought about every possible position you could fill for him, a secretary, a maid, a peon, a clerk, an accountant, a... A friend? All options you thought of had equal possibilities. So you shook your head, deciding it wasn't worth mulling over.

Only when the water ran cold, you got out of your small pond. You reached for the towel on the stool to dry yourself and noticed it barely covered your important bits.

Thankfully, you recalled seeing a folded robe on a shelf near the door. So, you wrap the towel around yourself to the best of your abilities and then around to go retrieve it.

You wished you didn't turn around.

You couldn't see the robe from where you stood, because the premier was standing before it.

It took you several moments to realize he hadn't left the room at all. A shrill shriek left your chest as your arms covered your body.

The premier laughed in the same boisterous manner you witnessed before and strode over towards you, “and here I thought you were so smart. Thought you were diligently doing your duties.”

You tried to take a step back but the premier grabbed hold of your towel, “move and this goes away.”

You stood shaking before him. The premier looked over you like he had done in the carriage and in that moment, the signs fell into place.

From your first interaction with him, you mind pushed away all the signs thinking someone like the premier could never be so immoral. All of the corps look up to him; he's Dot Pyxis's best friend. And Dot Pyxis looked out for his delegates. There's no way that this was real.

"Little lamb," your stomach curled at the sweet tone he used. It contradicted what he was doing to you.

He cupped your face in his palm, holding you in place while his other hand lightly grazed your bare back. "You weren't made for the military police. The scary military seniors would have your meat by the very first week."

Oh, you believed his words. You were not cut out for any of this. You had no clue what this life was like. You had no clue what these scouts were like. You should have never left your village.

"Ooh, yes! I knew you would sound like an angel when you cry. Yes, let it all out," he groaned at your sobs. This man openly enjoyed seeing you in distress. The more you sobbed, the more his eyes gleamed. He cooed and awed at you instead of soothing you, I'll teach you. I'll tell you all about how bad and scary this world is. All you have to do in return, is cry for me just like this."

You didn't want to please him. You wanted to hold back your cries, but you couldn't help yourself. They left your chest in heaves making you choke and gasp for air. The premier breathing matched yours, erratic and frantic. He was holding you up now, since your body had given up on you. He caged you in his arms, a hand holding your head before his eyes so he wouldn't miss any quiver on your lips or the tear streaks on your face.

You tried to push him away, you tried to. But it only excited him. He pressed your body onto his and rutted against you,"oh, my little angle, my sweet, sweet, angel. Yes! Yes! You're doing so well! Try harder, angel. You can try harder."

You felt his hardness against your stomach. His warmth touched your skin like a burn. You did try harder. You used your fists to punch at his face, your nails to scratch him, and even your knees to try and hurt him. The harder you tried, the harder he rubbed against your body. Nothing you did stopped him. So you did the only thing you hadn't done so far, "please, premier, I don't want this. Please stop!"

You pleaded with him

And he stopped. He stopped chasing his high and let go of you.

You thought to yourself, 'was this all I needed to say all along?' You wished you said it earlier.

But your relief turned to fear when you heard the sound of his belt coming undone.

With a guttural growl, the premier ripped off your towel and covered your body in his cum.

In that moment, you thought about the irony of taking the shower to look presentable for him when he was the one to sully your body. There was nothing you could've done to stop him. You had already made the wrong choice a long time ago. You reached for the towel he threw on the floor but he interrupted you, "you need another cleaning, angel."

Your knees hit the floor then. From your peripheral, you saw thick, big arms reached for your defeated body.

He kneeled next to you, wiping your face clean with his thumb, "the world is a big scary place. Men like me are everywhere. But you don't need to worry abou t them anymore. They can't touch you when you're with me."

Then, he bathed you.

The man that sullied you, bathed you and dressed you in clothes he bought for you. Even when he tucked you in bed and kissed your forehead,"sleep well. You have much to do tomorrow," you didn't have it in you to push back.

Since the moment he laid his eyes on you, he knew he had you. Now, you knew it too.

[liesmyth]

fic writer questions

tagged by @liamlawsonlesbian MWAH ily <3333 I was tagged over at my rpf sideblog but I started doing this and realised how pan-fandom my account is :D

how many works do you have on AO3?

158 fics on my profile, stats page tells me it's 195 including anoned fics. sounds about right

what's your total ao3 word count?

slightly over 1 mil (1.030 mil apparently)

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

older ones in big fandoms. I killed a clown. AMA! & no sense of living without aim (IT Movies); some new beginning & good old-fashioned lover boy (Good Omens); Once More, with Feeling (Ted Lasso) <- ok this one is from last year and the fandom isn't that huge, I just got lucky with post timing.

do you respond to comments? why or why not?

I DO I love comments!! I think people taking some time to let you know they liked something is amazing. I want to reply to that and also feed more comments

what's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Considering I have written character death a few times... I think my angstiest fic is probably my Ted Lasso big bang entry, one more time around, not so much because of the ending but because of the emotional beats. It's an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind AU with all that entails (memory loss) & there's an open ending that could be read as hopeful!!! but I still think the flashback scenes are #angst

what's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

OHHHH. Good question. I'm not a pure fluff person but I like happy endings. Probably my some of my "fix it" stuff, like well I rose, and I rose (Captive Prince, Theomedes lives); and (I think) the kids are in trouble (IT movies)

do you write crossovers?

Not often, I feel like it requires a lot of skill to make work. I've written two short crossovers I really like: The Art of Survival (ASOIAF & The Inheritance Cycle) and my body on the waves (The Old Guard & Pirates of the Caribbean)

have you ever received hate on a fic?

Throwback to the time I got twitter cancelled for writing age difference selfcest and someone left me this fuckass essay after they attacked me somewhere more public (cringe) and I said I would respond to concrit if they had it. I will always think with pride about the line "Another positive is to recognize that you are indeed a good writer. That's partly a negative because without that I probably would not have read on. Morbid curiosity can only take you so far and it's easier to dismiss something that's been poorly written." <- thank u hater <3

do you write smut? if so, what kind?

I write lots of emotionally horny smut that often doubles as character study (not only bc I have literary ambitions in my smut just because I think it's hot). I only rate a fic E when the smut is detailed enough that I think "somebody could potentially get off reading this". Otherwise it's M.

have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope! Many of my fics were written as exchange gifts to somebody else so I hope it never happens.

have you ever had a fic translated?

yessssss <3 I have a blanket permission to translate / remix / podfic so knock yourself out

have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not YET but I workshop so many fic ideas with friends. One day maybe.

what's your all-time favorite ship?

Honestly, probably Vegeta/Bulma from DBZ. My het ship blueprint.

what's a wip that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Some of my old Captive Prince drafts, probably. And no sense of living without aim, my IT Eddie/Richie fic... I got so much fandom drama that year that I could never finish the last chapter. But my heart didn't want to put it on this list so maybe there's hope yet.

what are your writing strengths?

I think I'm very good at setting up emotional beats and making character voices feel distinct, both dialogue and POV

what are your writing weaknesses?

Action :/

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I think it's cool if it's used in a way where it enriches the story. The reader should be able to understand what it means from context, without needing an in-text translation, and if you're using a limited POV the character should be able to understand at least some words in the language <- those are pet peeves of mine

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

First fic I ever wrote was Eragon (Paolini) when I was in middle school to show to my friend. First fic I ever posted was also Eragon on FFN. First fic I posted on AO3 I believe was ASOIAF or maybe the Vampire Diaries.

what's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

As I was tagged on this from Roman Holiday Chalex AU Jo Liamlawsonlesbian on the RPF sideblog. Chalex. In terms of fandom probably.... well.... BTVS / spuffy. Also this one time an anon on FFA named me among the authors they'd have liked to see writing Oasis RPF. I've been thinking about it

what's your favourite fic you've written?

It depends! I have SO many children. Some faves in my most recent fandoms: my voice in your head (F1 RPF rule 63 femslash); as lost as lost can be (Ted Lasso, Roy & Isaac); After Me, the Flood & at the last trumpet (Locked Tomb, Ianthe/Augustine /& John fic & Reverend Parents doing child assassination fic)

no-pressure tags: @antspaul @theriverbeyond @saiditallbefore @vegasgrandprix @sionisjaune

[anapotatowriter]

Omg I LOVE you and ur writing!!! Can you write an edmund pevensie x reader in modern au like where he is a new student at school....something like that...I trust you

Thanks <3333

Sweet endings

Edmund Pevensie x reader A/N: Hello, lovey! Hope you are doing amazing! I am so happy you like my work, love ya too babes~ Anyway, I finally get to some academic stuff! I am making this academic rivals to lovers with a fluffy ending, and I hope you like it! If you want me to change anything, feel free to ask! I also may have projected what I desperately needed some time back, cause boards~ Summary: Y/N has been an overachiever her whole life. However, when a new student named Edmund Pevensie joins their year and beats her on a test, she swears she won't rest until she defeats him once and for all. But, in times of trouble, one takes what they can get. Contains: Swearing, mentions of food, lots of stuff about studies, anxiety, stress, all-nighters, and an anxiety attack. The panic attack is based on my own experience and is not representative of all other forms of panic or anxiety attacks. If you need help, reach out to loved ones, or feel free to message me, my inbox is always open. Requested: Yopsies!

"I cannot believe it, Y/N... 100%? Again?" gasped my best friend with a huge smile. I breathed deeply, having just run down the school corridor, waving my exam paper like a maniac to show it to her. "I am so happy!" I squealed, making people glance my way weirdly. "Oh, shove off! I have the right to celebrate," I scowled, making everyone turn away just as quickly. "I am so happy for you," she squealed, both of us jumping up and down, hands intertwined together. Just then, the warning bell rang for our second class of the day. I looped my elbow with her and pulled her along to English Literature, giddy with excitement for my favorite class. "There is a new kid at school," she mentioned, and I hummed. "When did you see him? It's just second period?" I asked, and she gave me her devious smirk that made me sigh and roll my eyes. "Bunked," she and I said in unison as we took a turn to the next corridor. "He's cute, in like a nerdy way. He gave me Mike Ross vibes, but like more dorky... dark hair, fair skin, a bit taller than you," she mentioned as we reached our English class. 

"Good morning Professor," I said, smiling at the teacher. "Good morning Ms. L/N! Nice to see you this morning... I hope to hear your thoughtful insight for our essay task today!" he said, smiling warmly at me as I took a seat at the absolute front of the class. "Nerd," whispered Y/B/F/N in my ear as she winked at me jokingly before plopping down in one of the last seats. I turned to her and pointedly rolled my eyes, making her chuckle. "So students, today we are having an essay writing task!" exclaimed the Professor, rubbing his hands together and grinning. Some groans could be heard through the classroom, but a small smile lit up my face. "I want you all to analyze one of my favorite stories... The tell-tale Heart, by Edgar Allen Poe! I will give you 15 minutes to read the story before we begin the task. You will have 30 minutes," he said before sitting down. I opened my laptop and found the story he had sent us through the mail. I opened the PDF and scanned the horror story, making quick mental notes in my mind. "And your time starts... NOW!" he exclaimed. I immediately started typing furiously, analyzing the text as extensively as possible before the time ran out. I soon submitted my report, anxiously biting my thumbnail before pressing submit. "Y/N, don't worry! You'll do the best in grade, as usual," sighed my friend as she clapped her hands on my shoulders, but the feeling of anxiety didn't wash over. 

"Dude, we have a break, stop stressing about school," groaned Y/B/F/N as my knee moved up and down. "I submitted the Biology task, Organic Chem lab experiment is done, I finished my extra credit for French, and that English essay this morning... I just hope I do well in those," I sighed, picking at the school lunch with a scowl on my face as the chatter of students filled the cafeteria. "Babes, believe me, you are the most intelligent kid in our grade. You will do amazing," she said, kicking her feet up to rest on one of the other chairs. "You're right," I sighed, stuffing the last of the food in my mouth before dumping the plate in the required place. 

"God, why is tenth grade so much harder than all the others?" protested Y/B/F/N as we walked out of the cafeteria to the school grounds. "Well, that's how school works, idiot. Grades get harder as you get older," I said, plopping down under a tree, Y/B/F/N following suit. "Send me back to second grade, I'll absolutely destroy those kids," huffed Y/B/F/N, blowing at the strand of hair on her face until it flew away from her eyes. "Hey, is that the new kid?" I asked, pointing at a kid who matched the description she had given. "Oh yeah! That's him. His name is Edmund something, I think?" she said, toying with the ends of her hair. "Hey, he's kinda cute... He kinda looks like a character out of a book. I think I saw him in English," I said, leaning my head against my friend's shoulder and closing my eyes. "Anyway, I'm gonna go to class now, before I fall asleep," I said, yawning before pushing my hands against the ground and standing up. "Y/N, if you're tired, you can skip one class and catch up on sleep," said Y/B/F/N, her eyebrows furrowing in concern. "It's fine! I'll last the day, and I swear I'll take a nap in the evening," I said, smiling at her as I walked backward, my hands raised. 

When I reached home, I immediately brought out all the homework due and started working on it, spending well over two hours perfecting the tasks before placing the work in my bag. I then pulled out my laptop and began revising for the exams, the 31 days seeming to be too little time for the portion we had. "Y/N, you need to eat," said my mom, forcibly placing a plate of food which I ate absent-mindedly as I read through genetic modification for Biology. I stifled a yawn with the back of my hand and glanced at the clock, making my eyes widen. It was midnight already! I immediately packed up all my work and went to be, exhausted beyond measure.

The week that followed seemed to follow a similar pattern. My eyes became droopier and droopier, and classes seemed longer and longer as the exams came closer. "Y/N," said a voice, making me glance up from the floor, Y/B/F/N's face coming into view. "You barely pay me any attention babes! You really need sleep, the dark circles look like a part of your face," she joked, just as I yawned. "I can sleep when I'm dead," I muttered, trailing sluggishly to English. "We're getting our essay task results today! Come on, Y/N, cheer up," said my friend, immediately making me perk up. English was one of the subjects which I loved wholeheartedly, and I was always excited to learn from our professor. 

"So students, I was pleasantly surprised to see all of your work! There has been tremendous improvement in the last 2 months! I believe that you are all getting closer to your potential. I am sure you all will perform just as well in your Half Yearly exams!" exclaimed the professor, rubbing his hands excitedly. "Now, who's the first place? Any guesses, anyone?" he asked, glancing at the whole class. I could feel everyone's eyes on me, and my back straightened up, a small smile growing on my face. "It's Edmund Pevensie with a whopping 98! After that, we have Y/N L/N with a 96, and Anthony Bridgerton (A/N: I can't believe I did this) with an 89! Well done, you three, your perspectives on the short story were incredibly brilliant," he said, smiling at me and the other two. Anger boiled in my blood as I glared at Edmund, who had a self-satisfied smirk on his face. I ignored the burning feeling in my eyes and made a vow to myself. I would be the best, whatever it took. "Well done, Y/N!" said Y/B/F/N as soon as class got over. "No, not well done. I am gonna beat Edmund Pevensie if it's the last thing I do," I growled, glaring at his retreating figure.

After two sleepless nights and long hours of studying, I scored 5 marks higher than Edmund in the next English task. This time, as I smiled proudly, I glanced at Edmund. He was glaring at me, his dark brown eyes glowering at me with a scary intensity. I smirked at him smugly, making him clench his fist and grit his teeth. "What the fuck is your problem, L/N?" asked Edmund as I put my books in my locker. "What are you talking about?" I asked, feigning innocence which just made him angrier. "Believe me when I say this, L/N, but I will beat you, no matter what it takes," he said, glaring at me and stomping away. "We'll see about that, Pevensie," I called out as he strode away. 

"Professor, I think that the positioning of the characters in the scene is a big representation of the familial bonds between everyone," I said, as we discussed the opening scene of the play 'An Inspector Calls'. "The man and woman of the house are seated opposite one another, showing their lack of affection. On the other hand, the engaged couple is seated together at the center of the table. The brother seems to have a better connection with alcohol, apparently," I shrugged, making the professor chuckle a bit. "Well, I think that the furniture depicts more about the family than their positioning around the dining table," butted in Edmund, as I immediately turned to glare at him. "The use of pink lighting shows an artificial sense of warmth and familiarity, to show how the family seems happy in the eyes of strangers but isn't actually what it seems to be. The furniture is very luxurious but not homely, depicting the value money holds to Mr. and Mrs. Birling," he said, grinning triumphantly and throwing a mocking smile at me when the teacher nodded at his comments. "Both of you bring up incredibly perceptive points!" exclaimed the professor, making me flip Edmund off under the desk in victory. He rolled his eyes and turned back to the professor, who had begun to give some final points for our seen passage essay questions. The bell rang loudly, marking the end of school before our half-yearly exams. "Thank you, students! I hope you will all do well in your exams, and I will see you next year," he smiled warmly as everyone shuffled out of the room, Y/B/F/N and I walking out together. "Best of luck, doll," she said as I slung my bag on my shoulders. "Yeah, best of luck dealing with me being the best, as usual," said Edmund as he walked by, a sarcastic smile on his face. "Fuck off, Pevensie. We all know I am better than you," I said, pulling Y/B/F/N away from the irritating boy. "We'll see about that," he smirked, leaving the both of us alone. 

I yawned again as I flipped through my notes, continuously glancing at the clock that seemed to slip away like sand between fingers. "Dude, stop stressing! You stressed for every exam before this, and you said you did fine in all of them," said Y/B/F/N, trying to divert my attention away from the arriving English exam. "What if this is the exam I don't stress for and I mess up?" I gasped the anxiety that had been building up throughout the exams at its breaking point. The all-nighter seemed to catch up with me as my vision blurred around the edges. "Just chill, as I do," she said, plopping down and leaning against one of the lockers, not even bothering with last-minute revision. "I'll just be a minute," I said, tucking my notebook under my arm and walking quickly towards the bathroom. I immediately entered the bathroom to face the sinks, placing my notebook aside to splash some water on my face. I clutched the rim of the basin harshly between my hands as I looked at my reflection. There were dark circles and deep bags under my eyes, and a stress wrinkle seemed to have developed on my forehead from the small crease of concentration. My baby hair had left the tight ponytail I had tied, making me look like a mad scientist (if possible). "Don't stress, calm down," I hummed aloud in the secluded bathroom, trying to slow down the anxious beating of my heart. I breathed in, and slowly released my breath through pursed lips, trying to slow my breathing. I picked up my notebook and flipped to the last page I was reading. "Okay, you know this," I told myself, trying to gain enough confidence before the thirty minutes to the exam ticked away. "You'll be fine, it's all good," I continued to tell myself, my pacing echoing in the otherwise silent bathroom. I closed the notebook and tried to remember all that was written on the page. 

"Fuck," I yelled, slamming the book against my forehead in exasperation. "I'm going to fail," I panicked, the last hopes of a good exam jumping out of the window as I leaned against the bathroom wall. Tears welled in my eyes as my knees gave in, and I sat on the ground. I tried to breathe and calm down, but all I could muster were shallow gasps as my shoulders slouched forward. I felt nauseous and lightheaded as I tried harder and harder to breathe, failing at the easy task. My vision blurred, and dark spots danced around the room, sweat beading at the nape of my neck. The door creaked open, but I didn't hear it over the tidal wave of negative thoughts fluttering through my mind. The room seemed to be spinning, and I pushed the palms of my hands against my ears, trying to drown out the insisting whispers that discouraged me further. "Y/N?" asked a voice, making me look up to see him. Pevensie.

I continued to breathe frantically, my heartbeat picking up to the point where it felt like I was going to die. "Shit," I heard the boy mutter as he looked over my disheveled state. "Okay, Y/N, I want you to focus on me, and me only okay?" he said, and I nodded minutely in understanding. "Good, now count backward from 100 in threes out loud, with me, okay? 100, 97," he said, and I shuddered before whispering the numbers as best as I could. "You're doing amazing, Y/N. Now, I want you to breathe with me, okay? And in," he said, and I slowly breathed in, the action making my chest hurt, my shoulders shuddering from the labored breathing. "And out, come on now," he said, and I slowly related the air. "In and out," he continued to say, as the directions became easier to follow. 

As my erratic breathing assumed some form of normalcy, he asked, "Is it fine if I approach you now?" "Yeah," I croaked out, my raspy breathing having made my throat a bit sore. "Thank you," he said appreciatively, sitting down next to me. "What the fuck happened? And how much time before the exam, I need to study!" I said hoarsely, the stress for the upcoming exam building up again. "You have time, Y/N. But, what is more, important is that you had an anxiety attack. And from what I can tell, you're not only stressed but sleep-deprived and dehydrated," he said, trying to explain to me what I had experienced. "I am not going to create castles in the air and promise you that everything will be alright, or tell you to just calm down since it's honestly not that simple. But Y/N, you have to realize that these exams don't determine your life. They are a small fragment of what makes you you. From what I have seen, you're ambitious, brave, friendly, loyal, upstanding, and curious to a fault. You are special, and a piece of paper that standardizes testing isn't a measure of your worth in any shape, way, or form. That was one of the reasons it was fun to challenge you since you were so much more than books and cleverness," he said softly, his caramel brown eyes twinkling with honestly. "So, what I want you to do is go into that exam room as the brave Y/N that I know, and after that, we go buy ice cream," he offered, holding out his hand for a handshake. "Deal," I said, shaking his hand firmly, a small smile on both of our faces as we sat on the bathroom floor, a truce and pact of friendship, that would later develop into something more.

[ambivartence]

OH MY GOD BIAS LOVING HOURS????? I WAS MADE FOR THIS, GET READY SIYUAN!!!!!

(i almost want to do two but idk if you wanna read that so i will pick jaemin since i feel like i've been giving my love disproportionately to mark lately <3)

favorite thing about him: he is so sweet and caring to his members 🥺 and he has the best smile 😭 and his life skills?? so attractive. every time he grills meat during things like 7llin???? 😍 also honestly his introvert side is so relatable hahaha and i love that he can literally not say a word in a 30 min video, and it's cool cuz he's just chilling and having fun watching his members <3 the self confidence it takes to do that (and ofc also his members make him feel comfortable being just who he is). i think it's awesome that he does his own thing and doesnt care what you think!!

when i knew he was my bias: i got into dreamies after 127 but the moment i laid my eyes on na jaemin i was done for.....HAHAHAHAH. i think it was dream in wonderland (the one from july 2021) that sold the deal for me

fav looks on him: i literally have a whole series for my fav outfits of his ahahahaha but of course im going to drop some pics here....first, i am a huge fan of the simple tshirt and athletic wear/baseball caps:

but i also love a man in a good suit and jaemin is no exception

but i have SO many fav outfits and this is just a drop in the ocean

fav verse/choreo: i LOVE LOVE the part in my youth where he does his lazy rap in his super deep voice and then he harmonizes with renjun in octaves oh my god i could listen to that part on repeat forever (and sometimes i rewind that part just to listen to it again lmao). also his dancing has really improved in the past few years and i think he does choreo like universe really well (not that i actually know anything about dance). of course the ice cream part in boom is iconic and i'm whipped for that (also the "let's roll" part in ridin lol)

my wish for him: PLEASE PLEASE KDRAMA ACTOR JAEMIN SOON!!!!!! im begging

anything about him: i love that hes handsome as hell but also cute BUT ALSO such a meme all at the same time??? see this post for reference: https://mieohmy.tumblr.com/post/650834428624568320/jaemin-also-jaemin-who-is-somehow-at-the-same

also he's such a model oh my god

i also feel the need to point out that he looks good even with mud on his face:

okay bye im having a heart attack at these pics and this has been an essay on this man, thank you for reading <3333 love you

(and sorry for the weird picture dimensions lmao)

"every time he grills meat during things like 7llin???? 😍" pls i remember our entire cry session over this iasifnoeasefksdfsf also im throwing a tantrum how does he look so good even caked in mud that's so unfair what the hell!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyways this entire essay was so valid and his lazy rap is >>>>>>> in my youth and every should go listen to him and also to renjun (beloved boy) and jaemin truly is the whole package of hot cute chill and absolutely crackhead hilarious and (u already know) i have sUCH a soft spot for him too 🥺🥺

> bias loving hours are (always) open <

[h-eefic]

Answering some asks!!

I’m a lazy bum and let a small cluster of asks build up in the inbox, so instead of letting them build further and go unanswered forever like I’m some kind of rude monster, I’ll answer them here under a cut B)

@daamneron @cor7ana thank you so much!!! the intrigue only gets stronger and stronger, and then u remember there’s 13 more chapters and it’s a slow burn fic B) but thank you ahh I was so worried about being the one to write a Liv chapter and I’m glad you two liked it <3

heck i can’t tag an anon!! sdjbfksbd THANK YOU THOUGH it’s baffling that knowing we made someone cry/nearly cry is like this huge honor like the highest compliment you could pay. I hope you continue to enjoy the fic in the future!! and I hope we can succeed in making you cry bc [rubs hands together] we’ve got plans

@indieninja92 Thank you for commenting both here and there! but omg no don’t be late because you were reading our fic!! I’m proud, but at what cost. Thank you again, I hope I don’t make you wait too long for the next chapter! <3

@nsart ksdjfbkjsb THANK YOU <3 djsvhsvj all my worries about this chapter being bad/boring have gone unfounded, you are a blessing <333

ahhh I’m so sorry that we’ve never posted your links/pictures!! We even still have them and have liked all of them, I swear! <3 please do keep sending us things! I’m always overjoyed to see them, and all the strange emoji things that exist :’) <3

;___; oh gosh. But thank you for being such a kind and loyal reader! I’m glad that a fanfic -- our fanfic -- can help you just as much as your sweet encouragement soothes our anxieties c: You’re wonderful and I sincerely hope that your anxiety abates and gives you a break, if even for just a little while! <3333

thanks everyone, as always, for sending us countless wonderful messages that never fail to make us smile!! We covet each message and ao3 comment we’ve ever received, you all are so unfathomably special to us, and I’m pretty sure I could write an unnecessarily long essay about how we only keep writing at all is because of the nice people and friends we’ve talked to along the way!

now, back to thinking about chapter 14 and how the heck I’m going to pull it off :3c - E.