#thanks for making me taller maam

[sanjisblackasswife]

Sanji Gets Rejected (ANGST/FLUFF)

Black Fem Reader in Mind

WC: 2k

CW: Angst, Rejection, Kissing, Fluff at the End

There he is, doing it again;

“You’re so beautiful, Maam!”

Another random woman he tried to woo on another random island, this one didn’t just push off Sanji this time though, she toyed with him. You guys were docked for a few days to recoup, restock, and relax a bit after escaping another long fight with some marines.

You all went your separate ways, and in that you kept watch of Sanji. It wasn’t intentional but you managed to always bump into him and the woman almost Everytime you stopped somewhere.

“Y/N-SAAAANNNN MEET —“

“Abby.”

She was a beautiful taller woman, she had a very disgusting attitude though, you’ve seen her around a few times and you could tell she used her looks to get what she wanted from men and she most definitely did it with Sanji. You tried warning him about her hopefully she wasn’t working someone that could be hunting you all down but he of course, didn’t listen.

"Sanji we should head back to the Merry soon--"

"BUT Y/NNNN" His voice a pitch higher as he twirled around the woman, looking as unimpressed as ever at the poor boy, "CAN I JUST STAY A FEW MORE HOURS WITH THE LOVELY ABBY--"

"Actually, you guys own A boat right?” Abby walked closer towards you, you stood back a little with a crooked face at her invasion of interest, but before you could decline her Sanji insisted she come for dinner.

“Ji, I—“

“Well of course I’d love to come see what you people—“

“You people?” You Tilt your head at her holding your hip, the hell she mean by that?.

“Yes. How you people live. I never Seen a pirate ship up close and personal. You’d show me. Right Sanji?”

He melted into her hot touch like ice when she caressed his cheek. You groan rolling your eyes at how naive Sanji could be.

The day goes by and you really could not wait until Abby left. She was rude, demanding, arrogant, and nobody even liked her.

She insulted you, Nami, and Robin,

Taunted Chopper and Usopp

Flirted with Zoro behind Sanji’s back

And even mocked Luffy.

But Sanji didn’t even seem to notice because she had him wrapped around her stupid finger.

“When is she leaving?” Nami grumbled in your ear, you both watched Abby and Sanji in the kitchen. He tried showing her some new moves he learned to hold multiple plates at once, but she couldn’t care less.

You on the other hand loved when he did that.

It was finally time for dinner and it was somewhat awkward considering Everytime someone spoke Abby had something to say.

“Oh, Robin I got that tea you liked.” You causally said to her and she smiled back at you across the table.

“Thank—“

“You know I never pegged you pirates to have a level of class about you all….interesting. Especially you—um…uh…”

“That’s y/n-san, my love!” Sanji spoke and came over to take her plate to clean. “She’s one of the classiest women I’ve met!”

“….could have fooled me with that outfit.”

You almost spoke out of turn until you felt Zoro’s hand on your shoulder and he shook his head at you.” She isn’t worth it” he mouthed to you.

After dinner everybody was on the deck doing their own thing, and you and Zoro were trash talking Abby of course.

You more than him though.

“And she had the fucking nerve to say—“

“Why don’t you just tell the damn love cook the truth.”

“What? You don’t think I have? The stupid bitch—“

“Not that…you telling Sanji how much you liked him.”

You felt your soul drop to your feet. Zoro didn’t have a care in the world when he said that, all he did was take a sip of his sake and stared at you, scoffing.

“It’s pretty evident you like the pervert. Why? I don’t know….I’m better looking anyways..”

“What?”

“Nothing. Just—-Stop making it so damn obvious you liked if if you don’t have the guts to tell him. We are leaving the day after tomorrow so after this we never have to see her again—“

“NO!?”

Everybody turned to the commotion in the middle of the ship. It was of course Abby and Sanji , and Abby making a big deal over something.

“No way I won’t join? “ Abby huffed at Sanji’s request. “The pirate life isn’t for me. I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

“…oh…well…I leave in 2 days so…maybe before you leave you can…um…send me off right?”

Abby chuckled at him cupping his cheek, seeing the blood trickle from his nose and his eyes popping out of his face, “y-you’re so beautiful, Abby!”

“Mmhm…so you want me to send you off right?…like…a kiss?”

Sanji nearly exploded, but tried to keep his composure, “y-y-yes! I mean—if you would grant me the blessing perhaps?”

Hearing this conversation was absurd. You didn’t even realize your face was shaped in the look of disgust causing Zoro to snicker at you, “If she bothers you that much then just say something.”

“Say what jackass, ‘hey Sanji don’t kiss her because I want you.’”

“So you do want the love cook—“

“IRRELEVANT!”

You both stopped your bickering to see more of Sanji’s antics, moreso him acting like a complete love struck idiot handing her some roses and a drink,

“Here you go, my love! I got you these from that garden we walked past! And then! And then I made you your favorite! Remember? At the restaurant—“

“Yes. Sanji. I remember….you really are like a little lap dog…” Abby pat his head and once again…more swooning

“I’D BE YOUR LOYAL DOG OF COURSE!” He sung with his heart eyes almost bursting out his head

“And I guess a doggy gets a treat huh.”

You almost didn’t want to stare but you just couldn’t look away. Abby leaned into Sanji and he blushed, eyes closed so prepared for a kiss until.

“Oops.”

You could hear everybody gasping. It was always as if time was still,

“Wha—“

Abby poured the cold drink over Sanji’s head, running not only his hair, but his expensive suit. Right after she throws the flowers in his face to shoulder bump him,

“Nothing personal, but it’s foolish of you to think I’d actually give you; a poor pirate a time of day…I’m actually a little insulted by it.”

Everybody stared in shock, even Zoro seeing her leave off of the Going Merry.

“HEY! WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM YOU CAN’T DO THAT TO MY FRIEND—!”

Luffy went to go run at her, but Zoro and Nami ran and held him back because they both knew Luffy would have easily done another Vivi moment for how rude she has been all evening.

You however walked over to Sanji, arms out and head down, broken glass and petals by his feet.

You felt rage enough rage in your body to just lash out of that stupid stank, but your main priority was Sanji right now.

“San—-“

Your hand touched his drenched shoulder, he didn’t say many words he just took off his jacket and bent down,

“Watch out, Y/N…you may step on some glass.” He looked up at you, eyes just glossing in tears, with a fake smile, “We don’t want you to have another accident again right?”

Your heart was shattered for him watch him fake a smile while on the ground, you couldn’t help but to take his arm and walk him to the bathroom to get him cleaned off as everybody tried calming Luffy down.

You say him on the toilet and took off any remaining flowers and branches in his hair, his skin was sticky from the drink and so you wiped his face with a towel.

“You don’t—-“

“No.” You protested, cleaning him off, “Let me do this.”

Sanji didn’t resist, he sat quietly for a moment. You wished you knew what he was thinking right now so you’d find the right words to say.

“She…she didn’t mean it..”

You paused for a moment. Of course he’d say that. Sighing you decided not to talk back and let him continue to defend her unforgivable actions.

“I was coming on to strong. Maybe if I didn’t —“

“Please stop. Sanji. Please?”

….

“It’s not your fault, Ji..” you combed your fingers through his hair to take out anything else that could have been in it. “I understand why you’d want to excuse her actions but it wasn’t your fault it was hers. She doesn’t deserve a guy like you. You have a kind heart Sanji. Just…sometimes it can be blinded by …women. And I know…you told me how you were raised. Which is why I will never be angry at you for that. I just wish you’d be more..aware of the red flags some women can be. I’m sorry this happened, don’t be embarrassed okay? It—-Sanji.”

You picked up his chin and saw his lip quiver and his eyes teary, dammit you hate when he cries. You squat in front of him and wipes his tears, “It’s okay…it’s—“

“I thought she was going to be my first kiss.”

You blink at him, and he immediately looks away in shame, “no! No! Don’t be embarrassed! Please, Sanji—It’s okay to not have a first kiss! Look at me…”

He does, your thumb on his short stubble and traveling to the corner of his eye. He looked so much like a child you wanted to just scoop him up and hug him all day . “It’s okay to not have your first kiss yet…but when you have it….it should be with someone special y’know?..not some stupid no ass bitch that’s trynna use you.”

Finally, Sanji breaks out into a chuckle, you missed his smile already, it was a pretty sweet silence between you both until you kept staring into his pretty blue-grey eyes, and his in yours. It wasn’t long until your smiles faded and you leaned into him to kiss him softly, immediately feeling his cheeks heating, but you quickly pulled back.

“I’m…I’m so sorry.” You stand up straight touching your lips. “I’m sorry that—that was so wrong of me I—“

Sanji stands to Cup your cheek and kiss you back, he’s a bit shaky and his hands are sticky and clammy but you hold onto his before looking back at him sighing in relief and touch his forehead with yours.

“You didn’t have to kiss me…”

“But I wanted to…for a long time actually.”

Sanji was actually in shock, he stared at you wide eyed, but before he had a blood fest you walked over to turn on the shower for him.

“How ‘bout we um…finish this when you get out of the shower huh?”

“…Ah! Um..yes! Yes of course! I’ll be right out!…thank you, my love.”

You smile at him before leaving, as he showers you await in the kitchen with everybody else and explain to not EVER mention what happened again to him.

“Why? Or did you fuck him to make him fee—OW!”

You smile and wink at Nami for hitting the idiot swordsman in the head and his stupid comment.

Once Sanji comes back he is actually in a better mood, he looks lighter and happier, but he just couldn’t keep his eyes off you.

The whole time he bathed he kept touching his lips thinking of you. Abby was far off of his mind and you were now in the forefront .

Late that night Sanji finished dinner and dessert for everybody but asks for you to stay in the kitchen with him. You felt a bit nervous, but that wasn’t until he sat beside you and hugs you tightly.

“I never got to thank you properly.” He says in your ear with a small peck, “You’re too kind….I’m glad you were my first.”

That night you both stayed up not just kissing, but talking too, he still swooned a bit whenever you reached to kiss him on the corner of his lips but the whole night went so smoothly, you never saw such a relaxed side to him. And you loved it.

Little did you know the impact you made for such a small gesture to the little love cook.

[blackrosesfanfic]

Chapter 267

Cammie

I left Lane up putting him on my shoulders. Let's see if we can get Trey's attention. I didn't tell anyone we were coming. I have a female bodyguard in the audience with me. Lane was surprisingly okay with all the people.

"Oh my fucking gosh." The person next to me says making herself taller. "Little Trey Songz."

"Please maam." Emma says tapping the girl.

I look up at Lane. He was waving to the stage. Trey walks over in the middle of the song. He sings a bit then he jumps off the stage out of nowhere. The crowd gasps. It was too sudden to be a part of the show. Everyone starts making a fuss. Somebody reaches up taking Lane. I spin around. He's passed up two people. I stand on my toes. A few seconds later Lane was up on stage followed by Trey. How they just gonna fucking take my fucking son like that. Everybody in front of me turns around looking at me. I look back at them like what. Trey sings with Lane in his arms. Lane was watching everybody. I'm surprised he not crying.

"I love you." Someone says to me.

"You love me?" I ask confused.

She hugs herself. "Can I take a picture?"

I shrug. "Yeah."

"Thank you. I love you so much." She says taking the picture of me then a selfie.

I thought I would be able to blend in with the crowd like I used to but it was quickly starting to turn into a selfie party. The crowd is moved and Buggiz comes up to me shaking his head. He let's one more person take a picture then he moves me through the crowd where he came from. I hug him as he tries to help me up the stairs. He starts walking with me hugging him.

"I miss you."

"You retarded." Is all he says.

He unlocks a door walking through it to the backstage area. I kiss his cheek then put my hands on my hips looking around. Where are we? He starts walking. I walk behind him until I hear my son. I push pass him and run to where I hear Lane talking.

"No. No." Lane says. "That one."

"This one?"

"Put it on." Lane demands. "This."

Trey laughs. "Okay. Give it here."

I walk into the room. Lane is standing up on the couch flipping through Trey's clothing rack. I chuckle. I'm pushed into the room more then the door closes behind me. Trey smiles at me before he even looks at me. I smile harder.

"Thank you." He says then changes his shirt. "This the right shirt?"

"Yes." Lane says putting a hat on his head. "Taden at the room."

Trey smiles at him. "Caden at the room? You left Caden by himself?"

Lane snatches the hat off. "No man."

"No?" Trey laughs. "Who with Caden then?"

"Grandma got Taden. Grandma take Caden in the room."

Trey comes over to me. He had a straight face. Lane is steady talking about Caden and being left in the room with his grandma. Trey grabs my hips and smiles really hard at me. He just stares at me for a few seconds. I kiss him. There's a tap on the door then it opens.

"Trey... oh hey family." CiCi says.

"Caden came?" Trey asks.

I roll my eyes. "Lane was whining about me coming to get him. Me, Caden, and Amber went to get Lane. Your grandma..."

"Don't do that." Trey says rubbing my side.

"Tremaine she locked herself in a room with my son."

Trey chuckles a bit then stops. "It's not funny but Jay... come on."

I roll my eyes. "I was going to miss you so I just left him. But now I can't go with you to New York because I have to get milk to him. You know how he is about the bottle two days in a row."

"He is spoiled." Trey kisses me. "Lane you coming to New York with me?"

"I know that is. I not." He snatches the hat off again. "Daddy I go."

Trey kisses me. "I got my talkative buddy."

"Can you believe that Marco..."

"Who the hell is that?"

"Can you believe Hydia husband fucking some stripper and this other girl. Fucking ridiculous. What the fuck does marriage even mean?"

Trey kisses me. "It takes a lot of women to equal up to that one. Jayla I'm sorry. Don't go giving her advice like you in her shoes. It wasn't even like that."

I nod. "I know. It still passes me off just the same. I just wanted to vent about it. I'm not comparing it to me or nothing."

"Yes the hell you was. Men ain't shit. Fuck them bitches." He whispers in my face. "I'll have someone bring Caden to New York okay? So we can all be together."

"No I'm not about to be stressing about my baby on a plane without me."

He kisses me. "Well send him some milk on the plane. Ma's got him."

"Umm..." I blow.

"Umm." He kisses me. "CiCi? What we doing?"

"Calling the family and going to the hotel room to whine about missing them." She shrugs acting like she fighting Lane.

Trey kisses my neck. "I'm trying to hold my news but... I cant."

"You make a million dollars a year?" I say like I'm excited.

"I got the title of my album approved along with the first single."

I smile. "Titled Jayla."

"Forever Jayla." Lane laughs squeezing between us. "Mommy you say Jayla?"

"Yes, Lane."

Trey picks Lane up. "It is Jayla. Forever is the song being released next month."

I giggle. "That's a cute idea but what is it really?"

"CiCi?"

She hands me a iPad. There's a picture of our hands from our wedding photos. I drop the iPad to my side and cover my mouth. I felt instantly emotional. Like this is my favorite picture that we took that day in the freezing cold. Did I tell him that it was my favorite picture. He takes the iPad from me handing it to CiCi. He comes close to me but Lane hugs and kisses me first. I smile. Trey says something to CiCi then guides me towards the door. I never imagined having a fucking album named after me. A fucking Trey Songz album. Being in the crowd watching him today had already brung back my teenage memories and dreams. They say artist write their best stuff in their darkest hours. I never thought an album about me would come from that. I was near tears as we get into the waiting car.

"Mommy I pee."

"Buggiz." Trey says opening the door back. "Lane has to use the bathroom."

Buggiz gets into the car. "There's a store I can take him in right here. That person acting too wild for me."

"Close?"

"Yeah." Buggiz nods.

Lane watches the iPad that CiCi gave him. He probably doesn't have to pee. He likes to lie about using the bathroom. I don't want to say that and he has to use some unsafe restroom.

"Tremaine." I say looking at him on his phone.

"Yeah?" He looks up from the phone.

I shake my head. "I'm too popular to blend in with the crowd."

He chuckles. "You sad about that?"

"Yes." I pout. Lane snaps his head at me. I smile. "Just a little."

"I told them to get my fucking wife out that gotdamn crowd. Bitches are jealous as shit. Might try to fight you."

I stare at him then say. "Fight me? They love me."

"Thankfully those girls did. I think about the ones that hate you cause they ain't you."

"This is really going to make me a big deal for 15 minutes."

Trey kisses my cheek. "I feed off your energy. So humble. You make me better. Aye CiCi write that down. I feed off your energy. You make me better. Neyo said it first. You make me better..." he sings. "Movement by myself but we're a force when we're together."

"Trigga." Lane laughs. "Be quiet."

"What?" Trey says.

Lane snickers. "It's a Trigga." He plays Trey's video. "Be quiet."

"How cute?" CiCi says. "You need to record that. Lane say Trigga Trey."

"No." He shakes his head wild. "He say that."

"You say it. Here." CiCi says recording him.

He pushes the laptop to the floor. "Trigga. No Trigga. Be quiet."

"Let's use the bathroom, Lane." Buggiz says opening the door.

"Let's go Mommy." He comes over to me.

"Dont be mean to ladies, Daylan. Pick that up."

Lane cries immediately picking it up. He gives it to CiCi. I patiently smile and guide him out of the car. He is fake. As soon as we are out of the car he stops crying and starts talking about random stuff he sees.

Rollie

I stare at the itinerary for the baby shower. They put this thing together fast. I was tasked with finding out what we needed for the baby. I don't know. Leah likes to shop online so shit is constantly coming. I figure we don't need to buy anything for the house. We have a crib that came in the mail the other day. I really don't know.

"What is this?" I ask picking up an Amazon box.

"Stuff keeps coming in the mail. I don't know."

"What do you mean?"

She shrugs. "Read the label."

I look at it. "You didn't order this?"

"No. I didn't order any of that stuff." She snaps.

"But it all matches." I say opening the box. There's a letter inside. "For Jordan."

Jordan cuts her eyes in our direction. "Huh?"

"You do those damn dishes." Leah snaps. "Playing over shit like you love doing dishes."

"Yes maam." She whines.

I put my arms around Leah. My dick gets hard. I let her go looking down. Ain't no shit like that had ever happened. She cups my dick then walks away. I start walking out the kitchen. I stop sitting the box down. I tap the box to get Jordan attention then I put my finger to my mouth. She rinses her hands off then gets off the stool slowly. I smile at her then walk away.

"One day of sleeping with that pillow and I was rejuvenated. I swear. Huh? Yeah. I wasn't around as much when the moms came in. Not like that. No really. Really. I don't. It's okay. Aight. Love you too."

"Who was that?"

She lifts her shirt over her head. I step out of my pants kicking them to the side. Leah grabs that damn pillow. Fuck no. We not having sex with the damn pillow around. She leans over offering her ass to me. She looks back like I'm taking too long or something. I slap her pussy.

"Who the fuck was that?"

She moans. "I'll tell you afterwards."

I kneel down and bite her pussy as if I were biting into a big burger. She moans loudly. I dart my tongue into her. Her nut follows my tongue out oozing to her clit. I rub it in with my hand as I slide my dick into her. She screams into a blanket that she had. Her pussy was throbbing. I rest my dick into her. I wanna fuck her hard so bad. I push deep and fuck her slow. Deep and a little hard. Not too much. She grabs my hand putting it on her waist. I hold her steady. She nods.

"What that mean?" I lean forward.

"Do it harder."

I look down at her ass. This bitch must be trying to have this baby today. I grab her waist with both of my hands and I do as told. She moves a bit. I start to switch it up but she gives me a look. I fuck her harder like she wants. She moans into the bed as I cum. I lean over on her. Gotdamn. Should have made her comfortable months ago. Guess I fucking know now. When pregnant happy doesn't mean comfortable. Comfortable equals sex.

"You trying to go into labor?"

"From fucking?" Leah moans.

I stroke my soft dick into her. It doesn't work. I get off of her to stand back and watch her. She holds her stomach. See dumbass. I go to the bed and kiss her. I rub on her stomach. She chuckles.

"Help me lay down." She asks then moans. A painful moan.

"It felt too good?"

She laughs then stops. "Shit."

"You need some water?"

"I got some right there." She blows. "I couldn't breath."

"You a dumb bitch."

She rolls her eyes. "Hell yeah."

I walk into the bathroom. "Who were you talking to?"

"Cammie Talking about how she abandoned me."

"How she abandoned you? When this happened?"

"She said she just up and left. Something else about so much going that she didn't check on me. Something else about how Trey's mama and your mama. Oh them being overbearing. She's going to surprise Trey at his show."

I give her a gown and a rag. "Your ass bout to be stuck in the bed."

"Imma drink this water and go to sleep. Ain't nothing to do."

"Fuck you mean? You were about to cook."

She gets comfortable in the bed. "Mhmm."

"Oh lazy ass."

"Ma!"

I turn away from the door. "Wait!"

She closes the door back. "Why you naked in the middle of the day!"

"Your mama sleep."

"Whatever." She blows.

I hit Leah on the ass. "Wake up. Ignoring your fucking daughter."

"Rollie." She snaps exposing her ass.

"You want some more?" I say rubbing her naked ass.

"You wanted me?" Leah asks.

I start to say something. But she is on the phone.

"Rollie gonna take you to dinner. I don't know talk to him." She giggles. "He a stinky man. Who knows why he likes to be naked. Yes, go get ready. Yes that's fine. Wear whatever you want. Okay. I will. Love you too." She turns to me. "Get off my ass. Jordan said wear your Jersey so yall can match."

"How your ol lazy ass gonna fucking..." I hit her ass again.

She moans. I suck my teeth and go get ready to take my baby out. She can find something fun to do. Maybe we will eat at a fancy restaurant and go ride some cars. She doesn't need to go shopping. She's had enough gifts.

[librariansrose]

WOWZIE KURO IS ANSWERING ASKZ UHMMM, WHATZ UR OPINIONZ ON ALL THE SDRA2 CHARACTERZ? And also whatz ur sexuality if ur comfy with that >:3

I answer asks if I’m comfortable lmao but your enthusiasm is sweet.

As for my opinions of SDRA characters, I’m only comfortable talking about the ones I like. So I’ll gush about those under the read more.

As for my flags. I’ll just say I’m nonbinary and unlabeled. That being said I lean very asexually. Just know being a system makes sexuality and identity to be super confusing. Yea.

Sora: wife, love of my fucking life. You are literally everything.

Setsuka: Hand in marriage? Maam? Please? Thanks.

Hajime: Motivate me to get my asthma under control and my allergies please. He’s literally the bro ever.

Nikei: My beloved punching bag- no but seriously as much as I love his bitch ass I must always bully him because it brings me joy.

Mikado: (AE) You are literally the reason I love fangans now, how dare you check all of my boxes in a fictional man. I love you.

Mikado: (IRL) Nerd. Nerd ass. So cute. I do wanna punch him in the stomach and then kiss him, but he’s taller than me lmao.

Mikado: (Bad End) One day I’ll print a mousepad of you but right now that isn’t happening. Anyway can I follow you around while you tear up the world? I’ll give you attention since no one else did- it’s fine-

Syobai: Actual bastard who never fails to make me laugh to be honest. Do my taxes for me or some shit please. Anyway I quite like him.

Monocrow: The mascot ever??? Literally adore him, he’s so cute I want to pick him up and squish him and burry my face in him.

Tsurugi: Oh you poor fucking bastard you still regret not saving Akane don’t you? I see how you defended Sora and ripped into Mikado because of his jabs at her and Akane. You’re not subtle at all my guy, I SEE you.

Rei: Ugh what a woman, Love you. Help me with math though actually it’s my weakest subject. And maybe get on my ass to be better about my language studies because I need to be fluent in several.

Teruya: I can’t believe that happened. You made a lot of silly decisions but I didn’t SAY you could exit stage left you silly goose! Get back here!

Akane: Darling I have missed you…

Anyone I didn’t mention I’m indifferent towards. I only actively despise a select few characters in Another Series as a whole and it’s not a secret if you know my writings/stories or are close friends with me.

[misqnon]

oh worm i still love these things

thanks @rileyram12​ ✌️

nicknames: i think fisty is my only nickname from friends and I don't know how to feel about that my...my aunt calls me itty bitty and my mom calls me by my first and middle name (misty rayne :')

star sign: Virgo, but im pretty sure I'm a leo/virgo cusp?? lemme be special I get Two (2)

gender:  hm. demigirl...will work for now

mbti: INTJ

height: 5'5" or so?? (165 cm)

time: 5:17 pm rn but i wrote lots of this last night at 5:03 am

birthday: August 23

favorite bands: Jukebox the Ghost, mother mother, gorillaz, p!atd, the decemberists, miniature tigers, TMBG

favorite solo artists: owl city?? temposhark, maybe?? is mystery skulls one person I MOSTLY LISTEN TO BANDS

last movie I watched: Chicago

other blogs:  *wipes sweat* my art blog: @misqart, my aesthetic blog @shokopans, my inactive yume nikki blog: @snowonna, the marvel blog me and Riley share: @havoc-k and an. embarrassing monster blog I won't link to. also hunkerlorg, who is a secret in herself.

when I created my blog: may 2012 i think? it’s OLD

what I post about: fandom, fanart and other art, OCs, aesthetic, red things, vampires, probably

last thing I googled:  spongebob movie clams

following: I used to have a rule about keeping my follower count below 200 but suddenly and apparently I follow 222

followers: 693 (love you All...)

favorite color: burgundy!!! reds!! Red

average hours of sleep: always between 6 and 9 though on school nights I make myself get 7 or 8 at least

lucky number: 11

instruments: i cannot play anything,, but I do own an ocarina and a violin! (both of which sit sadly in my closet :')

what I’m wearing: an olive green long sleeve w/ my gold globe necklace and some khaki shorts

how many blankets I sleep with: i sleep on top of a made bed with a comforter and on top of that is...4 blankets. so. technically 5. but I only sleep under 1 uh  

dream jobs: commission artist (unrealistic), character designer, janitor (listen I LOVE cleaning and organizing), something in science or tech?? but. art tho...

dream trip: big cities big cities New York, Chicago, also California in general, ....a little part of me still wants to go to Japan,

favorite food: DEVILED EGGS, fettuccini alfredo, steak, tacos, kraft mac n cheese, those one steak and cheese subs from subway with the chipotle sauce and onions....

nationality: American

Tag...uhh,, @tvvns, @emeraldradiation, @bandsnotpeople

[kashimos-hajime]

I crawl into ur askbox. I leave u brat taming carillo w the prompts “bite your lip once more, i dare you” + “come on. i want the neighbours to hear you scream” What do u do

ALOS. Once more. I love u and congrats on 4k!!!!!!! 🥶😈❄️💖

i scream at the gods, “I AM HORNEEEEEE!!!@!@!@!” they do not answer. i write 1.2k of smut.

HI MAAM you are braVE FOR REQUESTING THIS TO ME OF ALL PEOPLE AND I KINDA wanted to continue so badly but um LKMASDKLNASD THANK YOU FOR BEING MY FREND, I LOVE YOU!!!

warning: NSFW LMAOOO (18+), choking, mentions of edging, overstim, marking, subtle sir kink, sub/dom elements, girl you just getting your brains FUCKED OUT 

some translations (correct me if im wrong please!!):

tengo una cita=i have a date mi alma=my soul corazón=heart hermosa=beautiful

“Bite your lip once more, I dare you.” + “Come on. I want the neighbours to hear you scream.” 

Your eyes roll back into your head as a hand wraps around your throat, a ragged, starved mouth claiming yours once more as hips jerk against your own, skin to skin, heat on heat. Everything is burning and you can’t even see as he tears himself away from you, pulling you away from the edge that you’re so wound up on. A coil tightens and you just want to be free. To just fall apart but no. No, you don’t deserve that today. 

Not when he’s been railing you, teasing you with his fingers, fucking you and eating you out, for the past two fucking hours and has no intention on stopping. 

“I had plans and I just thought you were tired.”

“Tired?” Carrillo squeezes your neck gently and leans down. “‘Tengo una cita’ was your excuse not to come home with me?” he growls into your ear “Try that again the next time you want to play coy, and see what happens.” He grabs hold of your hair, fists it tight and yanks it back, exposing your neck and your mouth opens in a gasp as he sucks a mark right underneath your ear, smirking. “Come for me, corazón. I want the neighbours to hear you scream.” 

He bites at your jaw, your neck, mark you until you’re shown as his for days before he noses his way back up to your panting mouth. Another sharp thrust sends a jolt of euphoria and your eyes flutter shut as he grabs your jaw. 

“It was true, sir,” you manage to snipe at him. “He was young, handsome, tall. He liked me, senōr…” He squeezes your face, a warning, and brushes a thumb over your swollen lip, eyes scanning your face. Your tongue teases the pad of this thumb as his hips still against yours and an impatient moan escapes your lips. Your hands trace the swell of his chest, the bulging biceps of his arms, and there is raw power thrumming underneath his skin, golden and hazy in the barely lit room. His thumb pushes into your mouth and you wrap around it diligently but he simply shakes his head, disgusted, ripping his hand away before you can coax him deeper with your tongue.

“Using men to make me jealous is below you. We both know you only want one thing.” His other hand on your hip angles and he sinks himself to the hilt once again, your over-sensitized walls tight around him and he snarls against your cheek, moving his hand back to your throat as he thrusts into you. Eyes slipping shut, your mouth falls open shamelessly.

“Horacio.” His name slips from your lips, your chest heaving and his dark gaze snaps to yours, filled with lust and one of your hands cradles his face as his pace increases until wave after wave of bliss begins to overwhelm you once again. Thighs clenching, you feel them begin to slip against the sweat-slick skin of his waist but he reaches down with the hand on your hip, keeping you steady. Your muscles are melted and you thrash your head to the side, biting your lip and trying to stifle the groan begging to rip free but an index finger gently nudging your jaw warns you. Clutching onto the bed sheets, you try to remember how to breathe.

“Bite your lip once more, I dare you,” he whispers huskily, open mouth panting against your jaw. Your hip jolts with his next thrust and he hits the spot that has you keening, clenching so hard you think you might scream as he lets out a harsh, gritted groan against your jaw. “Shit. Fuck, are you close already? Again? You feel—so tight.“

“I am, mi amor. I’m close. I’m so close,“ you breathe, nonsense ramblings spilling out of your chest. “Please, please, I’m so close. Don’t stop—no! No, please don’t stop.” Your fingers fly to his arms, sink into his skin and your stomach clenches. Dragging himself through your slick, Carrillo grunts and hips snap against yours again, jackhammering until you reach that precipice once more and he knows you so well that he can tell when you can take one more deadly push, when you can’t. You haven’t cum in what you feel like has been days as he lowers your leg back to the mattress, reaches down with his free hand to press a thumb agains your clit and your vision nearly blacks out as your arch up against him, head digging into the mattress, his name torn out of your throat in a wail.

But you don’t cum.

No, he knows your body more intimately than you do. He knows all he has to do is just command you to, and you will.

But he doesn’t.

His unforgiving pace slows and you let out a furious groan of frustration, turning your head to look at him, wanting to sob, and you catch his grin as he soothes your ravaged lip with a finger, a gentle teasing touch.

“Ah, now I am your lover?” he murmurs severely, their noses just barely brushing, raising his eyes to regard your face with pupils blown wide enough to swallow his irises. “What happened to having a date tonight, hermosa? Someone stronger, taller, more handsome. Younger.” You squeeze your thighs weakly, muscles gummy, scowling at him in retaliation as you try to get yourself to the finish line but then his hand leaves your clit, he pushes with one huge hand down on your navel and keeps you still with the sheer force of his command alone. 

The waves recede—your stomach stops cramping, and you can start catching your breath again long enough for the disappointment to settle in.

And when he doesn’t budge, merely looms over you, you know you’re fucked. He lifts the hand from your abdomen, settles it by your head, holds himself up. His bicep glistens and you swallow at the sheer force in that arm alone. 

Your hands find his face and you cradle him in your palms, just… looking at him. Soaking him in.

Jesus, he’s so handsome. The air smells of sex, his cologne, your perfume, their sweat and their love, and in the light that’s made edges go blurry, you’ve never seen anyone more beautiful.

“You should know by now I want no other man besides the Colonel of the Search Bloc.” Your thumbs brush over his cheeks and he lifts his hand from your throat to hold onto your wrist. He kisses your pulsepoint, eyes sliding shut. “No other man I’ve met can fuck me half as well.”

His grip on your wrist tightens. 

Your free hand goes to his neck to pull him down just as you raise your head, and their lips barely brush as you whisper, “Now, fuck me, Colonel Carrillo. Or I’ll find someone who will.”

He slams your wrist to the bed. A raw, dark desire lingers in his eyes as he kisses you gently, an incinerating heat hiding behind the last piece of tenderness you will get for the night.

The neighbours hear more than your screams well into the morning. 

Carrillo, you believe, has never slept better.

.

Your two favourite DEA agents visit Medellín that next afternoon while you’re visiting the office, dropping off coffee for Carrillo.

“Late night?” Peña laughs when your buttoned-to-the-collar shirt slips to reveal a peek of a completely bruised collarbone and neck, marked every inch. 

Murphy’s more concerned by the fact that you can’t walk straight without your face screwing up.

Carrillo hides a smirk behind his newly delivered coffee.

You wonder if they’ll ever connect the days the Colonel’s in a good mood to the days you look like someone dragged you to aphrodisiac hell and back.

Probably won’t, but they’ve surprised you before.

join my 4k celebration!

[meowzfordayz]

Hey hey T! Congratulations on your ✨milestone 10.0✨ !! I remember *slow eater* hcs was ur first work i read and then bam bammm (im gyo anon also btw have i told u that surprise surprise 😂 gyo anon and 🧦 anon r oneee)

maam may i request romantic hcs with gyo 🤍 sfw, nsfw ANY im a sucker for tooth-rotting mushy mushy squishy fluff please maam thank u iluvü 💗

About me: ppl say i look mean but rlly it's just my face i'm sorryyyt ;-; but when they got to know me i am described as very funny (when i was in 11th grade the teacher asked who the class clown was and they said it be me ?? I'm pretty sure its that other guy but okayy 🤧) and fun to be around with/ knows how to lift ppl's mood up (this touched me i swearrr bc i didn't know i have that effect on ppl until it's palanca time and ye,, one of my insecurities is i'm not rlly good with words and so when i have to comfort someone i just sit with them while also looking for someone who can help better like gurl help me idk what to sayyydbrjdhh and so learning that i can brighten their day with just my presence or just casually saying smthng is just 🤯) ++ calm and collected bc usually i'd just laugh it off but rn idk anymore gurl i think these were just a fascade im a wreck inside haha sarcasm is how i cope 😭

i'm very straightforward esp to my friends bc i don't wanna give them false hope or anything tho i do the sandwich method to not make it seem too harsh 😭 i'm also the friend who (whichever group i'm in) people hold onto like link arms,, when walking, standing or just sitting they just grab both my arms (1 friend on the right another on the left) like they do to their moms or smthng (now i feel old jkjk is it bc im a little taller? 😭) and it gives the feeling that oh no smol children must protectt like i literally look like am chaperoning kids HAHA tho its cool bc i feel like my arms are the chosen ones ✨ i want to do that too yknow hold someone's arms for a change or like be held 🥺 ,, most of my friends are shorter than me (nothing against height !!) i just feel like its weird if *i* do it :"))) I also have this habit of whenever i'm seating next to someone i'd borrow there arm and just go squish squish

I'm an introvert. just the thought of preparing to go somewhere and actually taking the trip there is already draining the sh*t out of me. There are times when mid convo i'd just shutdown tho i still will try to keep a polite face even tho inside i just hURRY UP Iwanna go hOmE sorry dude but idk there are ppl whose energy are draining but there are those who compliments well wid u idk idk

i like letterssss vvvvmuch <3 i'm also sentimental like i keep eveeerything bus tickets, movie tickets, my first shot glass ugHH u could give me a leaf and just write to and from and id keep that foreeever. even that one time in 10th grade where we were practicing for an event in the grassy area and bc we were bored we made smol bouquets madE ouT Of GrAsS i still freaking have it and thaT One letter from a friend which came with a rock she painted with a face on so cuuuute ✨

i want to say my hobby is drawing but my degree requires me to draw too so like drawing *again* as a hobby now just pisses me off bc my brain says: instead of drawing that why don't u just do ur plates 🤡

I looove animalsss (cats cats we have 4 cats and 3 kittens) my fave wild ones are 🐳 & 🐘 idk it's just they're so big and mighty but they're very gentle and caring and helpful to other animals too •u• i wanna pet them and hug them they make me soft.

What i like about myself are my sense of humour (no i'd burst out laughing at 2am i was about to fall asleep and my brain be randomly making jokes 😤), my guts bc it's sharp afff, ability to recover fast (i'm not sure with this one bc i know im not addressing my issues properly but like hey i got alot of shit to do so chop chop 👏) , and my imagination bc my head is wilddd).

wow this got super long i'm sorry ;-; thank you maamm! And have an awesome and safe day at work today!! 🧦

MILESTONE 10.0

💞: Himejima Gyomei

holds your hand before crossing the street, because if anything tragic were to occur, then at least he will have been holding your hand. Similarly, he's mindful of his parting words to you: variations of I love you being his go to. About to hang up on him because you're angry? He always manages to squeeze in We'll figure this out. About to fall asleep because he's exhausted? He never forgets to mumble Sweet dreams. About to be on your way somewhere for some time? He sends you off with Have fun, stay safe.

sponsors a wild tiger with you (has the certificate framed and everything), and participates in annual fundraisers hosted by wild cat sanctuaries. Last Valentine's Day, he purchased and dedicated a heart (really just a chunk of meat) to you, which was then fed to your favorite leopard. "You're disturbingly sweet," you'd giggled, pecking his cheek as you rewatched the Instagram reel of your "heart" being devoured for the nth time, "Thank you so much!"

gifts you a journal for your third anniversary, but it's already mostly full — mostly full of things you've said that made him smile/giggle/laugh. Of course, it isn't a comprehensive, entirely accurate record, but it includes: inside jokes that you'd inevitably forgotten (until getting to read them again), witty retorts and quips that you'd figured he hadn't heard (turns out he had), and an obnoxiously long section reserved for your puns-that-are-arguably-too-much-of-a-stretch-to-truly-be-punny.

[cosmiclatte28]

Autumn in My Heart (Taeyong x you, you x Jaehyun)

hello, another fic I made that flopped, but I want to bring this back with another pairing. I love this, still one of the angst I made that I feel okay to post.

One shot - angst/fluff

a/n : Taeyong sounds like a bad boyfriend, but trust me he isn’t. Jaehyun is the rebound you found in the middle of a storm.

(Posted on wattpad before, and one in tumblr as an exo pairing but only got 1 notes ☹)

Enjoy

The picturesque scene of red and orange trees cannot fool the dull and sombre race of falling leaves pulled by the gravity. Be honest, autumn is depressing. See the falling leaves, dying every time a gush of cold wind tingles. (y/n) hates seeing the piles of dead leaves on the ground, she feels like the trees are selfish that they let the leaves die in order to survive.

The clock strikes six when you have put on your tailor fitted Pea coat from Schott’s. Tonight, your favorite fragrance from Chloe accompanies you. You inhale your favorite floral scent and get ready as your smart watch rings with a caller ID you love dearly. Your lover has rung you up saying he is downstairs waiting for you to take your time. You make your last tuck on your Pea coat and pocket your phone as you slipped your feet to the leather boots. You make sure to kiss your corgi good bye before keeping the key in your pocket and slightly run to meet the waiting prince; your waiting prince!

The elevator ride almost killed you; you frown whenever the door opens and what greet you are the foreign faces of your neighbor from other floors; after pressing the close button five more times, you finally reach your destination. With your round eyes you scan the whole room and find your prince in no time. His fashion and his tall body make him easy to spot.

“Taeyong! I’m here, let’s go!” you cling into the taller man’s arm and giddily drag him out of the warm lobby. The early cold wind harshly welcomes both of you outside; Taeyong clears his throat and pulls you closer. He takes in your small hand, holds it firm in his big hand, and pops it nicely into his toasty pocket of his Burberry trench coat. “It’s starting to get cold,” Taeyong smiles.

You blush, even when Taeyong had done this for three consecutive autumns, your heart will always beat like it was your first time. You did nothing though and just follow his long legs that bring them to a place you know a bit too much.

“Usual place Yong?”

The tall blonde man nods and after walking through the busy streets, you found yourself in a restaurant district. Your stomach growl when the delicious smell of your favorite food can be smelled from a meter. You both sit down on your usual chairs, place the same ordinary menu; a Hawaiian pizza slice for you and a Pepperoni for Taeyong. Though Taeyong never agrees that pineapple goes with pizza, he never speaks his opinion out loud to you, he just can’t. Try and say that to a person who really enjoys it and do you dare see their heart breaks? No Taeyong doesn’t want to break her heart; it’s the last thing he wanted to do to (Y/n).

Dinner is amazing. Over two slices of giant pizza and soda, you exchange stories, laugh over new jokes, and secretly treasure this sweet moment. You both end their pizza date with a split bill and with the warmth of a full stomach. The couple make their way out of the bright, fragrance road and move to another crowded and romantic district.

You told Taeyong about a new milkshake shop opening in here in Gangnam, and Taeyong will do everything that brings a smile to your face. With you standing close by his side, Taeyong naturally slides his arm to hug your slim waist from the side as he reads the menu in the TV from the queuing line.

The café is full of sweet couples, the atmosphere here is so warm and comfortable, Taeyong knows this will 99% become their favorite hangout place.

“We’re so sorry, but we sold the second last cup already… We only have one left for the special house favorite’s chocolate,” the man with a name tag reading Doyoung, smiles apologetically to the two sweet couple across him.

You run your eyes to the TV screen to look for another substitute, but Taeyong was faster.

“No problem, an extra straw will do. How much for the last cup?” Taeyong hands Doyoung his card and swipes the bill.

You squeal deep inside your heart, how come Taeyong could always do a new sweet action every time we go out?!

“You sure don’t want anything else?” you ask when Taeyong lets go off his straw after a good five sips.

Taeyong shakes his head and raises his thumb to wipe a trace of chocolate from your lips, “No, you can have them all. It tastes good and I know you like them so much.” Taeyong kisses his thumb and cleans the chocolate from your lips.

You playfully punch Taeyong, “What’s into you?! Why are you suddenly this sweet!”

Taeyong laughs it off and rolls his eyes, “Because I am a nice boyfriend? Come on admit it—” you shut him off with a quick peck “—I’m going to have heart attack (y/n), if you are making that a habit.”

After making a loud sip to ensure you leave nothing on the bottom of the glass, you and Taeyong step out of the lovely café. Both of you freeze when you see people carrying umbrellas and celebrating something.

“The first snow!” Both of you choir and giggle upon welcoming the cold winter!

You reach for a folded umbrella you had brought in your pocket and this time take the lead to pull the taller man closer and tries your best to raise the umbrella to his height. Taeyong cannot oppress his gummy smile and allows you do your thing.

“I am not taking care of a sick Taeyong again, that’s why I read the weather forecast earlier and they predicted the first snow the fall. Turns out they were accurate this year, come Yong let’s walk under the first snow!” you sneakily place your hand into Taeyong’s coat and the taller simply holds your hand.

You both have fun for a moment under the first snow, took some pictures and updated your social media platforms.

“The snow is falling harder; shall we head home?” Taeyong worries for your health. The two of you are responsible for coming on working days, falling sick is something you two can’t afford.

You do not refuse; along your careful steps on the slippery grounds the couple doesn’t stop talking at all. You will find new topics whenever a topic seems to come to an end. Tonight is a good date night. The date night ends with Taeyong ushering you back to your Apartment room.

“Goodbye Yongie, thank you for tonight!” you shake your wet umbrella.

“No problem sweetie, I’ll be going now,”

“Wait—” you run to your room and return not long after it, you get on the tip of your toes and wrap a warm red scarf over Taeyong “—take that with you, it’s my winter present. Stay safe okay and call me when you got home.” you bury your face on his chest as he hugs you  tight.

“Thanks honey, Good night.” Taeyong steps back and waves his hand.

You wiggle your hand in panic, “Oh take the umbrella! And please just grab a taxi!” you push your umbrella to Taeyong’s hand.

Taeyong chuckles and tousles your soft hairs, “Yes maam! I can take care of myself—” Taeyong winks and you only roll your eyes. The tall blonde makes his stealing move and kiss the plump lips of yours before finally going back home.

__

Sun rises and sets, moon shines and hides, the world rotates, and time runs. Your love for each other blooms, although the relationship has ups and downs, the two of you can overcome the big waves and sail your ship to another calm ocean. A calm sea will never make a skilful sailor, and one day the biggest wave crashes to their ship, and you feel like you are forcefully drowned into the dark deep grief of heart breaks.

The road is crowded, well at least there are cars speeding in the road, and your sparkly eyes are fixed on a “sweet” scene in front of you. Yeah sweet if the people you saw were someone you did not know, or your best friend; but seriously not sweet if it’s your boyfriend you saw over the road holding hands with another pretty girl, wrapped in an expensive suit looking all lovey dovey with your man. Maybe Taeyong did not know or see you on the other side of the road, but you cannot mistake that man as someone else. Your eyes turn red; you fetch your phone and take the speed dial to call Taeyong. You wait for a moment with your eyes fixed on the two people across you.

The pedestrian traffic turns green, and you see the two of them walking to cross the road. You quickly hide yourself in an old payphone box while still listening to the waiting tone and keeping an eye on Taeyong. When Taeyong made it with the sweet smiling guy to the same street as yours, you swear your call was sent to voicemail. Taeyong also presses his screen earlier, hufth he didn’t even hesitate to reject your call. Insteaad, Taeyong looks so happy walking with this new girl. Your jealousy and suspicion completely take over you, you lean over the small phone box and stare at your screen emptily.

“Sorry, busy can’t pick up your call.” taeyong’s message appears in his notification bar.

You swallow the stuck lump in your throat; disappointed and angry, you run back to your apartment. You were planning to buy dinner and surprise Taeyong in his office for working overtime. If his vocabulary for overtime means having a walk with another woman, heol you won’t bother coming to see him.

You lock yourself in your room and cry your heart out, your stomach grumbles, but your heart aches more. You ignore all of the calls and messages in your phone. Thirty minutes later you wipe your eyes and after ensuring your heart you need to do this: you text a number.

“Yuta, you’re right… I’m coming to the dinner tomorrow. What’s his name again?”

This time you regret not listening to your friends when they warned you about your boyfriend playing fire behind your back. You are too naïve and blunt to realize Taeyong has slowly changed. He was not as sweet as he used to, he got busy, and he rarely picked your calls. At first you simply forgive him; thinking he must be busy with his works, turns out you are living blindly.

Taeyong paces in his room while sticking phone to his ear. He bites his lips when the line beeps but no one seems to answer the call.

“Pick up. Pick up (Y/n)…. Please… I’m worried sick…” Taeyong ends the waiting and jumps to the message room. He sends more messages asking if you are okay, why are you not picking up calls, and why are you not reading his messages.

Taeyong feels guilty rejecting your call earlier, but he cannot pick the call there when he thinks his coworker has a big crush and is flirting with him. Taeyong cannot bring himself to answer the call and crushes the cute girl’s dream. Yes, his co-worker is lately clinging on his side, and Taeyong cannot lie and say she’s unattractive. She is a calm and nice woman, good with works, and Taeyong finds it hard to keep his heart stable when she’s around.

Taeyong thought he saved the girl from crying in the streets, when in reality his real girlfriend is the one crying on the busy streets… by herself. Poor Taeyong doesn’t know this.

__

The next morning, you did not bat an eye nor reply any of Taeyong’s messages. You muted his number and prepare for work. As you spray your perfume, the front door beeps open and a tall man you used to love, but now hate, shows up with a bouquet of yellow flowers on his hand.

“Good morning sunshine! What’s with the cloudy face?” Taeyong extends his hand to give you the arrangement.

You look at his sickening handsome smile and walk to take your working bag. “Nothing. I’m tired of work and this life full of lies.”

Taeyong frowns, “What do you mean?”

You  just hum an “I don’t know” tone and occupy yourself with packing your lunch and laptop.

Taeyong walks to the kitchen table and picks your phone, he scrolls through the notifications and shakes his head, “WOW! You haven’t opened my text, not a single one! Why?” he sounds confused.

You’re the type to always have your phone on your nose almost every second, what’s with leaving him unread?

You snatch your phone, “I fell asleep earlier yesterday after you said I shouldn’t come and have dinner with you, since you’re taking overtime.”

Taeyong sighs, “Come on (y/n), you’re acting like this just because I denied your offer to eat dinner together?” you walk away.

“Don’t act so childish. We can always have dinner together tonight or other nights.” Taeyong snaps.

You keep your cold face on;  take your lunch and working bag, and slip into your shoes. Taeyong shadows you all over the place.

“Really? Then why did you cancel it yesterday?” You hold on to the door knob.

“I had a sudden meeting.” Taeyong lies quickly.

“Oh so now you call walking with another woman without companion, while acting lovely is your definition of meeting. To me I call that a secret date mister!” you stomp your foot, “Now go! Leave! I am tired of your lies!!” you exit the room, but Taeyong holds a grip of your hand.

“but…” Taeyong is cut off by your voice “For your information Taeyong, I saw you with my own eyes walking with a woman and rejecting my call.” you raise your tone and his face turns red. You break your hand free and rush to the parking lot.

Taeyong runs after you, but luck must’ve left him today for the lift closes before he can reach you. You are clearly mad and fed up, for you are not trying to do anything to clean up the misunderstanding.

Your day goes on differently, you are still absorbed in the sadness and pain, while Taeyong… Taeyong thinks today’s problem will end like any others. His day is smooth and the woman from yesterday even offers him coffee. Upon seeing Taeyong busy checking his phone; waiting for someone to call or chat; she asks him, “What’s bothering you?”

Taeyong thinks for a while, should he tell her what actually happened, but what if things get darker and dangerous? After some consideration, Taeyong decides to use the help chance. He told her what happened yesterday and earlier this morning. She just laughs and comes up with a solution, “I can help you clarify this… Give me her number, I’ll talk to her.”

Taeyong denies that idea at first, but after some more convincing words from her, he gave up your phone number to her. He thought maybe you would listen to her.

Sure, her idea was not completely wrong, You answers her call in a friendly manner and you did not blame her for anything. You listened to all of her kind and sincere explanation, but your heart still cannot easily forgive Taeyong for doing it.

__

You dress up nicely in a bomber jacket and put on a cap to hide your puffy eyes. You take your step to greet your date tonight, the man Yuta told him about. Jung Jaehyun, son of the CEO of Neo corporation: Korea’s first leading group in food supply, while Taeyong is the son of the second leading group.

To put it into words, Jaehyun is a man of daydream. He is everything you expected when meeting a living prince charming. He talks in his deep voice, his choice of words are amazing, his fashion taste is casual yet daydreaming, his manners are polished as perfect as one can be, but no matter how nice and perfect Jaehyun is, your heart cannot stop comparing him to Taeyong. Taeyong is not as perfect as him, Taeyong is more of the clumsy type and silly. However, one thing for sure, you like Jaehyun’s jokes better than Taeyong’s.

His choice of place for a first meeting is way beyond expectation. You would have dressed up properly if you knew Jaehyun is bringing you to a secluded private restaurant. You seal your mouth tightly about this date, yet Taeyong knows.

You come home with a bright smiling face, Jaehyun had just dropped you off from his Mercedes-Benz G65. You secretly smile to yourself and wrap your jacket tighter as you enter the lift to reach the floor. You can’t stop humming small tunes while taking steps.

With a big surprised face, you take a step back when Taeyong greets you in his stern voice.

“Why are you here?” you sound annoyed. Your mood totally jumped from hype to down.

Taeyong raises his brow, “Am I not allowed to visit my lover? Beside I came here to check if she’s here yet, since she ignored my calls and texts.” You make your way to the kitchen and fill yourself a glass of water, “Well, sorry but I have someone to see tonight,” you shrug your shoulder.

Taeyong joins you to the small kitchen, “Yeah and I just found out my girl, without my acknowledge, went to meet another man and came home—” he glances at his watch, “—late, my girl came home pretty late. It’s 10!”

You finish your glass of water, and slam the cup a bit too hard, “So what? I’m big enough to come home whenever I want and I can take care of myself.”

“Who’s that man? How are you sure he is someone good?” Taeyong elevates his tone.

You take a deep breath and speak out loud clearly, “it’s none of your business! Even I did not know who the woman you’re with yesterday was and I did not ask you anything! I did not interrogate you Lee Taeyong!” you spit those words in one breath. You toss your jacket then lock yourself in the room. Taeyong knocks on your door relentlessly and all he gets is silence.

Silence from the loudest person is the scariest thing

You wake up with heavy head, puffy blood shot eyes, and a runny nose. You force yourselfto leave the bed and calls in for a day off today. You have called Jaehyun last night and told the new man everything, something in your heart screams that Jaehyun can help and Jaehyun will not hurt you like Taeyong did. With your beloved corgi walking beside you, You open the apartment door and freeze when you see Taeyong sleeping uncomfortably on the floor.

“Babo-ya,” You scoff in your mind and leave the big baby on the floor. You make yourself a glass of tea and gul an aspirin down your dry throat. You take your time writing a short note and stick it on Taeyong’s free arm. You bend to place a soft kiss on his temple, probably your last, and secretly leave.

Taeyong wakes up from the pain his back screams for sleeping on the floor, he yawns and stretches then looks around and realizes he had fallen asleep when begging you to open the door. He sees the post it on his arm and he quickly read it. His brow scrunches as the line gets down, and finally they widen and his mouth fell. Taeyong lost his sense of touch, hearing, and sight… he feels like a thunder just hit him and he’s drowned in his emotions. He slowly sits on the sofa and re-reads the nicely written letter. He makes sure to not miss any single word or get the wrong idea. But no matter how many times he checks the letter again, the words don’t change.

“(y/n) wants us to end it here,” Taeyong speaks to himself, the blonde quickly searches the house. Hoping to find the woman he was looking for, he needs to discuss this with you. Seriously you did not need to break up over a silly matter!

“(y/n)-ie, what do you mean? We can talk about this… where are you?” Taeyong puts on his shoes and coat.

“We don’t have to discuss anything Tae. We’re not meant to be, I realized we’re not made for each other. Our parents don’t even support this relationship we had for three and a half years. It’s over Taeyong, go get that woman and I will go my way.” You explain as best as you can.

“No, We need to meet. We’re not breaking up over phone. I don’t consider our relationship over just because you decided it by yourself. We need to meet.” Taeyong grips his phone harder.

“I can’t Tae, I’m no longer near you. Bye,” you said.

Taeyong hears the faint background sound and damn that you are in the airport, where the hell are you going now without telling him.

You turn off your call and sadly stare at the wallpaper. It’s a picture of happy Taeyong and you laughing under the mistletoe from last Christmas.

“Are we ready to go?” Jaehyun’s deep voice resonates beside you. You groggily nod and copy his steps to the boarding gate. You take one last heavy breath; yes you are leaving Korea and Taeyong behind. This is what your family wants, this is for the best.

You come from the family of the leading electronic cooperation in Korea; turns out your parents had made an agreement to make you and Jaehyun an official pair. Simply said your parents arranged your marriage with Jung family for the sake of business. Your family does not have a good history with the Lee family. Both Taeyong and you had been trying your best to keep your boat sailing despite the harsh wind made by your own families, but you have had enough. Both of you used to think if you are together, you can fight your families and live happily ever after, but that’s too good to be true.

Now, your parents have made a lot of agreements with The Jung family, and that explains why you are sent to leave Korea with Jaehyun the night when you reported Taeyong’s actions. Your father used the situation to break you apart, and he partly succeeded.

Right now, you are seated on the first-class flight to Britain, with your future fiancé (That’s what your parents insisted).

__

The loving couple separated without a clear ending, Taeyong still lives his life to the fullest he can, but everything is pointless when you are not in his life. He did not date anyone, he still holds on to the belief that you are still his girlfriend, and he is still committed to you, he woman he loves.

His colleague has tried a lot of things to set Taeyong up with a new date, but none of them seems to win his heart. Taeyong only attends the blind dates she made, just to respect her kindness and attention. That woman herself has won the heart of the cute guy in the milkshake shop Taeyong and you once visited, Doyoung. She was close with Taeyong because she needs help with winning the cute man’s heart. The night when you went home with Jaehyun, Taeyong was actually waiting for you to explain everything. Taeyong wanted to tell you that you don’t have to be jealous of the woman, for she has her heart and eyes for another man. Fate did not let him explain anything that night, and the next day you were already gone from his life.

Taeyong changes into a cold and quiet man, while you have opened your heart to the new man. You realize Jaehyun shares a lot of things in common with you. Knowing the new tall man with dimple is easy and both of you get along so well. You spend a good two years in England, and have to return to Korea when the working contract for Jaehyun ended.

–

The plane touched down on the land of Korea, where the leaves are starting to fall and the winds getting colder. You sigh it’s once again autumn, you always hate autumn.

Jaehyun feels he needs to check the office and sends you home by yourself. You did not mind, instead you are happy you can have your time alone here.

You take the taxi to a park you missed. A small park with benches for couples to seat and enjoy the falling leaves with the big Han River across them. You breathe in the autumn leaves and slightly smile when the memories you made here with Taeyong slowly floods his mind. A small tug is felt in your heart, how is that handsome blonde doing? You walk and walk then sit at one of the empty benches, your hand traces the old wood and smile when your eyes caught a small scribble that still managed to be intact even when seasons has changed.

You trace the craving and secretly hide a smile when the memory comes back in your mind.

The writing of Taeyong and (y/n) in a big heart, deriving from four years ago. You remembered craving your names cheesily on a park bench when the first leaf fell. You scoff when you realize a lot of things you did with Taeyong are associated with autumn.

You close your eyes for a while and found yourself awaken in surprise when a familiar voice greets you.

“(y/n)?” the voice sounds unsure, “(y/n)?! It’s really you?” this time it sounds surprised and a bit happy.

You open your eyes and gulp when the same man you left without news is here again in front of you. The man you shared love, the man you secretly hate and love, the same man who used to be your happiness. He looks different! He definitely loses weight, his hair is now plain and boring brown, his eyes no longer offers the star and galaxy you used to spend your time gazing. His voice didn’t change though, still the same deep voice that never fails to make you tremble.

“Taeyong, well… yes this is me.” you sheepishly admit.

“It’s been a while,” Taeyong opens his mouth. He takes the empty spot beside you.

“Look Taeyong, I don’t have much time,” you dare yourself to face him and hold your tears back. You almost broke down in tears when you once again sees the man you love standing here across you.

“I know it was hard for both of us, but that was the best for us. This is the best for us.” Taeyong stays quiet despite wanting to kiss you and tell you everything he kept to himself for a good two years, but no he wants to listen to you. He reflected for two years and he wanted to make up all his bad mistakes.

“Fate doesn’t let us be together… our family hates one another… we can’t… we just can’t be one Taeyong.” You bite your lips and hold your tears back. Your heart is breaking right now when you see the broken look in Taeyong’s eyes.

When you first saw Taeyong sitting beside you, you swore you saw a glint of hope in his eyes but now you completely kill it. You hate yourself for once again hurting Taeyong, but this is for their own goods.

You can no longer hold back your tears, the wall you made breaks down right in front of Taeyong. You hide your face in your hands and your shoulder moves as you express all of your bottled-up emotions. Something glints under the last rays of the sun and Taeyong moves closer to your side. He bravely takes you into a hug and he brings his thumb to wipe the crystals falling over your smooth cheeks. Taeyong cannot speak a word, his mouth goes mute all he knows is his life is completely dark now without you. It was dark already before when you left, but now when you clearly said that… Taeyong feels like dying.

“Goodbye Taeyong,” you stand up and walk to leave the broken hearted man. You turn one last time to see your unrequited love; and you force your last sweet smile, “Thank you for the memories.” you take quick steps to leave the park and Taeyong. A strong wind blows and makes the piles of orange dried leaves fly around and when it’s over. You are completely not anywhere to be seen.

Taeyong closes his eyes and memorizes the last words from his love, you left him completely now. (y/n) left his presence, his world, and his hopes. Taeyong fishes his jacket and pulls out a velvet box, he snaps it open and a simple diamond ring is shining there. Well, he’s been carrying this around since you left, he wanted to propose to you whenever he got the chance to see you , but turns out your ring finger is occupied already with the same diamond ring he had in mind will fit your slender finger. Taeyong keeps the ring again in the box and he pockets it again in his left chest. He lets his tears run through his face as he walks along with the last falling leaf.

He leaves the love of his life with tears and thousands of memories. Taeyong smiles bitterly when he remembers how you always hate autumn. Turns out all memories with you are prominent in autumn: your least favorite season.

flashback <<<

“I hate autumn Yong, can you imagine how selfless the tree is, letting the leaf die so it can live longer.” you pointed to an almost bald tree.

Taeyong pinches your cute cheeks, “Well yes the trees are selfish Sweetie, but did you see how sincere the leaves are? I’m sure the tree did not want the leaves to die, instead I think the leaf sacrifice itself so the tree can live,” you cut him, “But why Yong? Why must the leaves die for the tree?”

Taeyong holds his lover’s hand tighter in his jacket, “Because my (y/n)-ie, that way the tree can survive the harsh cold winter and make new leaf later on spring. That way the leaf and the tree are once again together!”

You nod your head, “Woah that’s a better theory! You should definitely be the one telling our kids bed time stories later on!” You cheerfully peck a kiss on Taeyong’s lips and blushes.

“Just like love, you must sacrifice for the one you love.” Taeyong leans in for another kiss.

“I love you Yong, now and forever!” You lean your head on Taeyong’s strong and wide shoulder.

“I love you most (y/n), I’ll be like the leaf in autumn!” Taeyong whispers to his world; you

The two people in different place share the same memory tonight.

As the moon shines and the first snow falls, they secretly whisper each other “I still love you.”

end

:”) thank you for reading 

[criminallyfanatic]

secrets and lies

Aaron Hotchner and Y/N Y/L/N haven’t seen each other since Y/N mysteriously dropped out of Law School right before finals. 16 years later and the meet again as she joins his team at the BAU. Will Aaron finally find out why she left? (set around season 6 time) 

aaron hotchner x reader 

warnings: some swearing and mentions of murder, just your usual criminal minds antics 

a/n - I haven’t written in so long so apologise if it’s not great :) also I have no idea how law school in America works so apologise for any inconsistencies there 

                                                                *

“You have an excellent record Agent (Y/L/N), the BAU would be lucky to have you.” 

She scanned over your file one last time before settling it on her desk, turning her eyes to you. 

“I’m grateful for the opportunity maam” her eyes seemed to stare through you, sizing you up and you shifted slightly in your seat. 

“Good. I’m sure you’ll fit right in, with such an impressive history. You’ll start with Agent Hotchner’s team monday morning.” 

One mention of his name and it felt like your heart stopped. No, this had to be some sort of mistake. 

“Is something wrong, Agent (Y/L/N)?” Her brows furrowed in concern, no doubt noticing the sudden tension that seemed to fill your whole body.

“No, it’s just … when I applied for this job I was told I would be placed on Agent Walters team maam.” please let it be a mistake. Please. 

“I’m afraid you were misinformed. This position is on Agent Hotchner's team. Will that be a problem for you?” 

YES 

“No, not at all. Thank you so much, for this opportunity.” 

FUCK

                                                               *

Just open the door. It’s simple. Just push the door open and walk in. He’s probably not even here. And if he is, he probably wouldn’t even recognise you. Or even remember you. Yeah … 

Fuck 

“Hi!” you jump as someone taps your shoulder, clutching your chest as your heart thunders against it “Oh my god i’m so sorry!” 

You turn, coming face to face with quite possibly the most vibrant woman you have ever met. She offers you a tentative smile, her eyes full of concern, scanning your face for any sign of anger or fear. 

“I’m so sorry,” she reaches out a hand and lays it on your shoulder, “are you alright?” 

“Yes. Sorry. Lost in my own head.” 

She appears relieved, happy she didn’t cause any permanent damage. 

‘Hi, I’m Penelope Garcia” She reaches out a hand for you to shake, her smile returning tenfold. It almost seems to emanate light, like she makes everything around her shine. It was infectious, and you soon found yourself with a similar smile on your face, all awkwardness forgotten 

“Y/N Y/L/N” 

Her eyes seem to triple in size at the mention of your name, her grip on your hand tightening. 

“Oh my gosh you’re the new agent! I just saw your name come through on the system. It’s so great to meet you. I’m Penelope Garcia, the technical analyst,” She’s shaking your hand again, this time quite vigorously, “Come on, let me introduce you to the rest of the team.” taking the hand she was shaking she now leads you through the impenetrable glass doors and into the bullpen. 

“Guy, come meet (Y/N)!” with her free hand she waves at a group of agents all huddled around one person's desk. At her call they all turn to look at you, and all of a sudden the anxiety of meeting new people suddenly overwhelms the fear of meeting an old friend. “She’s the newest addition to our wonderful team.” 

Quite suddenly you're enveloped by a swarm of agents, all introducing themselves to you, asking you about your past, your family, your life. And it’s nice. Overwhelming, but nice. They’re all so friendly, and you can tell they’re all so close. Like a family. It puts you at ease and soon you’re laughing along with them. 

“Have I missed a memo or something?” 

The voice comes from behind you, and it feels like someone is pouring a bucket of ice cold water down your back. You feel the tension come flooding back and you daren’t turn around. 

“Hotch, have you met the agent joining our team?” 

Everyone is staring at you, expectant. Your move. 

Just turn around. Get it over with. Like ripping off a plaster.

You can feel his eyes on you, burning holes into your back. JUST TURN AROUND

You turn around. 

“Hey Aaron.” 

                                                                 *

You could practically hear the gears turning in everyone's heads. 

You knew Hotch? How did you know Hotch? HOTCH HAD A LIFE BEFORE THE BAU? 

You drowned them out, focusing entirely on Aaron. For a moment, you could see every emotion on his face, written plainly for you to read. The fear, the surprise … the regret. You always were good at reading him. A moment later he was back to his cold exterior. Unreadable. Unknowable. 

All at once his body jumped into motion. He moved the last few steps towards you, reaching out his hand hesitantly, as if not quite sure how to approach this situation. 

How do you approach this situation? If only he knew just how weird it was 

You took his hand, it practically enveloped yours, and it was so warm, familiar - 

PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER 

“It’s good to see you again (Y/N)” 

“Likewise” 

The stares of the other agents came from all sides, clearly trying to decipher just what was happening here. The silence was deafening, the noise of the bustling bullpen just background to the tension and confusion mounting in this one area. You were just waiting for the first brave agent to speak up, to ask the question they all wanted to know the answer to. 

“So how do you two -”

BEEP BEEP 

The shrill sound of the tech analysts phone thankfully cuts off the question that Agent Prentiss had begun to ask. 

“Sorry guys, guess the getting to know you party’s over, we have a case” says Penelope, pouting slightly. 

Ahh saved by the bell 

Despite this, no one seems quite ready to leave just yet, much more happy to linger here and figure out this puzzle. It’s Aaron who moves first. 

“You’re welcome to sit this one out if you want to get acquainted with your surroundings first.” 

“Thank you, Aaron, but I’m ready. Let's get to work.” 

He throws you a swift nod and moves past you, climbing the stairs to the walkway above. Slowly, the other agents follow suit, until you’re left alone with Penelope. 

“Hey, are you alright?” she gently rests a hand on your shoulder, “You seem tense?” 

“I’m fine,” you shake your head, trying to clear the thoughts racing through it, “Just first day jitters.” 

She offers you a small smile, satisfied with your answer. You can tell she’s just dying to ask how you know Aaron, but not quite sure how to bring it up, like she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. 

“We knew each other. In law school. In case you were wondering.” 

“Have you seen him since?” 

“Nope. 16 years since I last saw him.” sixteen very long years

You can tell she knows there’s more to it, but she doesn’t want to push. Not on your first day. You expect that in a couple weeks you will be grilled in depth about your relationship with Aaron, what he was like in College, how well you knew him. But for now she simply nods, happy with this snippet of information she will likely file away and research as soon as she gets back to her office. 

“Come with me Agent (Y/L/N), we have a case to solve.” 

                                                                 *

The case was pretty standard, If you could call a case that. 5 women had been murdered, all brunets, all young and attractive. No doubt some sick bastard had been dumped or rejected at some point in their miserable lives and decided to take it out on anyone who looked the slightest bit like her.  All you had to do was catch him. “From looking at the geographical profile I've deduced that his comfort zone is between these three points, so the odds are that he lives somewhere in here.” “We could increase police presence in these neighbourhoods, might make -" 

you missed the end of the police chiefs sentence as you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket. 

INCOMING CALL: SOFIA

You feel someone's eyes on you and look up to see Aaron’s questioning gaze. You flash the phone at him and he simply nods his head. You slip quietly from the room, trying not to pull any attention away from the discussion happening around the table, and duck into an alcove. 

“Hey sweetie”

“Hey mom.” 

“Is everything alright?” 

“Yeah, I just wanted to say goodnight. How’s the case going?” 

“It’s good. Well, not good, but it’s certainly going.” you can feel those eyes on you again, and you resist the temptation to look round. Not now, please not now

“Well, I don’t want to keep you if you’re busy, just wanted to touch base.” 

“Ok, well goodnight sweetie, I’ll see you soon. Love you”

“Love you too. Oh and mom.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Kick some bad guy ass.” You laugh at that

“Ok, I will certainly try.” You hang up the phone, still grinning slightly as you glance at the picture on the screen. You and Sofia had spent the day at the beach and she had snapped a picture of the two of you as the sun set, ice creams in hand. You missed her. 

There was a flurry of movement from the room you had just left, everyone grabbing their things and moving to the exit. 

“What’s happening?” you managed to snag Reid’s arm as he walked past. By the look on his face it wasn’t good. 

“They’ve found another body.” 

You felt your stomach drop. You weren’t smiling anymore. 

                                                                 *

Dumped. Like trash. Just something to be thrown away. That’s what he thought of these women. You stared at her body, all crumpled on the floor and you felt the anger bubbling in your stomach. If you stared long enough she started to look like Sofia. A bit older, a bit taller. But the similarities were still there. 

You closed your eyes, shaking your head slightly, trying to clear yourself of that mental image. 

No. She’s at home. Safe. 

“Are you alright?” He’s looking at you with that air of concern again and it’s almost too much. You can't bring yourself to look in his eyes, instead opting to look at the wall just over his shoulder. 

“Yeah I’m fine.”

“If you need a minute, a break…”

“I’ll be fine Aaron.” You look at him then, feel the full force of his gaze and it overwhelms you. He can see it in your eyes. His eyebrows furrow and you can see he’s trying to read you, trying to figure out just what's wrong.

Everything. Everything’s wrong. And you don’t even know . 

You feel the tears start to well in your eyes and you force yourself to look away. You can see out the corner of your eye as he begins to reach for you and you hold up your hand. 

Please no. Don’t touch me. I don’t think I could bare it. Then it would be real.

“I’m fine Aaron. Really. It’s just a lot is all.”

“(Y/N) -” 

You walk away before he can probe any deeper, moving to the mouth of the alley, breathing deep from the crisp night air. The tears still sit, threatening to fall and you try to hold them back. 

Not here. Not now. Keep yourself together. 

You feel him coming up behind you again, and you spin, your fear and sadness turning to anger. 

“Aaron I said I’m fine -” 

“Woah don’t shoot it’s just me.” You see Prentiss holding her hands in mock surrender. She lowers them, huffing out a laugh, but regarding you with that self same look of concern. 

What is this look? A BAU special?

“I’d ask you if you’re alright but I don’t especially feel like getting my head blown off. That being said … Are you ok?”

Just like she did a moment ago you let out a small laugh, shaking your head slightly. 

“Oh god, this isn’t a great first impression is it?” You feel like an idiot. You’re first day and already you’re practically having a breakdown. 

“Don’t worry about it. We all have our moments, our limits. It’s what makes us human.” She lays a comforting hand on your shoulder. 

You can see why they’re all so close. They look out for one another. See when one is hurting. Like a family. 

Family. 

“We’ll get him you know.” She pulls you from your thoughts and you glance back to her, eyes focussing on the here and now. 

“I know.” 

You share a small smile and you begin to truly believe it. 

                                                                *

And catch him you did. You had figured out he was stalking and abducting women from their homes. He saw them at work, in a coffee shop, at the mall. One look and he already knew he wanted to kill them. The trick was finding them after he had abducted them. And without any physical evidence to even hint to who this man might be it seemed an impossible task. 

But he slipped up. He left a trace. Whether that was the increased police presence, the fact that the FBI were there or just the fact that he was getting sloppy. It didn’t matter. You had DNA. And a name. 

Charles Manes. We're coming for you. 

For a man unhinged he was surprisingly easy to take down. He just gave himself up, that shit eating grin on his face as he did it. The last woman he had abducted was laying on the floor, bound and gagged. You ran over to her, pulling the rope from her body and helping her to sit up. She began sobbing and you held her against you as she cried, rubbing soothing circles on her back. 

“You’re ok. You’re safe now.” 

The paramedics took her from you and led her outside, ready to take her to the hospital. You followed after, stopping by the front door and leaning against the frame, taking a moment. You felt a presence beside you and turned to see Rossi watching her get loaded into the ambulance. 

“We did good.” he said, not even glancing towards you, “She’ll be alright.” 

“Eventually.” You took a deep sigh, feeling yourself start to relax. A commotion made you both look and you saw Charles fighting with the officers trying to load him into the police car. It seemed Aaron saw too as in a flash he was by their side, helping to get him in without causing any more damage. 

You felt your body tense, felt Rossi glance at you questioningly. 

“Everything alright agent?” 

How do they do this? They barely even know me! Stupid profilers. 

“Never better.” You said, glancing back at him over your shoulder as you made your way to the SUV’s, to the rest of the team. 

“We got him,” Prentiss clapped you on the shoulder as you passed, headed to the second SUV, “let’s go home.” 

                                                                 *

You had to admit, travelling by jet was quite the experience. What wasn’t as fancy was the great pile of paperwork waiting for you at the other end. You’d only just started but already you were swamped. 

You sat at your desk. Penelope had laid out your things whilst you all were away. “I just wanted you to feel more at home here when you got back”. It was sparse, but functional. She had even left you a post-it note with a cute message on and a unicorn stress toy, “You didn’t have any pictures, so I wanted to liven the place up a bit, I hope you like it.” 

Right. No pictures. Wonder why. 

The paperwork loomed and you tried to stay focused, eager to go home, but as the words began to merge into one another you knew it was time for coffee. 

Another long night it is then. 

You thought about calling Sofia, letting her know you would be late back. Would she even still be up? Who are you kidding, of course she is. 

Might as well call her. A break from paperwork might do me some good. 

You reached into your desk drawer to take out your phone. 

“Y/N can I speak to you for a moment in my office?” 

Maybe not then. 

He was looking down at you from the walkway, not quite meeting your eyes. He seemed fidgety, like he couldn't decide whether to cross his arms or put them in his pockets or lean against the bannister. 

Nervous. Interesting. 

“Of course.” You walked up the stairs to where he stood and he motioned for you to go inside and take a seat. He lingered by the door for a moment before pushing it closed and making his way around the desk and sitting in his chair, hands steepled before him on the desk. He regarded you for a moment and you felt your heart skip. It felt like he was x raying you, like he could see into your mind, into the thoughts racing about in there. You shifted uncomfortably in your seat, trying to escape his gaze, or at least prompt him into talking. Anything to break the silence. 

“I just wanted to check in on you, your first case and all. You’ve done some exceptional work and I can see you being an excellent asset to this team.” 

“Thank you. I can see that I’m going to enjoy working with this team.” 

He simply nodded, nothing more to say, but you could see in his face he wasn’t done. Not really. 

Is that really all you want to say? Come on Aaron spit it out. I can see it in your eyes. Maybe this will make it easier on the both of us, if we just blurt out what we have to say at the same time. Or would that wreck you even more? Either way I’m the bad guy. But I can’t keep this to myself. You need to know. You want to know. So just ask. 

“Why did you leave?” he blurted it out suddenly and it shocked you, and by the look on his face it shocked him too 

“I’m sorry what?” 

He gained back some of his composure, steeling himself before asking again.

“Why did you leave law school. Right before finals you just up and left. No letters, no reason just there one minute gone the next. I tried to find out something, anything but no one knew-” You could tell he was working his way up to something. 

Come on. Ask me. Make this easier on me. Blame yourself, so when I tell you the truth it will hurt less. Because you know why. Or at least part of it. 

“If you left because of what I did I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to drive you away. It was stupid and immature and if that is why I am truly sorry.” 

Oh god, I thought if I heard you admit it, it wouldn’t hurt as much to tell you the truth. To hurt you like you did me. But it’s worse, so much worse. Because you’re sorry. And I’m the villain. The one who didn’t tell you. 

You could feel the tears falling down your face, slipping onto the hands wound tightly in your lap. His face was breaking too, and you couldn’t bare to look at it a moment longer.  

“Y/N -” he reached across the desk for you but you held up your hand to stop him, just like in the alleyway. 

“Please. Don’t.”

“If this is because of me I’m so sorry. If you want I can get you a transfer. If you can’t work with me we can sort this out.”

That's right, the cowards way out. Just keep avoiding this conversation till you eventually die. 

Just tell him. Get it over with. Rip off the bandaid. 

“Please stop. Just stop. It’s not your fault. I mean, it was, partly, but it wasn’t. And when I tell you why you will probably hate me, and can take that. I deserve it. And if you want to transfer me out, get rid of me I understand. But when you left me, to go back to Haley it broke me. I hated you. I hated you with everything I had and I thought the best way to punish you was to just not tell you. But over the years I’ve realised how stupid I was, how selfish and foolish I was to not tell you. All because of some petty relationship drama.”

His look of confusion morphed into one of understanding and horror. Like he had connected the dots in his head but wasn’t quite ready to admit to what they all added up to. He was as far away from you as possible. Like you stood before him with a bomb and he was waiting for it to go off. And you were. 

“I was pregnant Aaron. I was pregnant and I never told you. I just left. And I’m so sorry.” 

Your whole body was shaking as you dissolved fully into tears, not daring to look at him, to no doubt see the anger and the disgust written on his face. Disgust at how stupid and selfish you were. 

Not telling someone they have a daughter. How evil can you be. 

You heard your name spoken softly from the chair beside you. You hadn’t even seen him get up. But he reached for you again, and this time you let him, let him pull you into his arms, rest your head against his chest as you cried and cried, spilling tears onto his white shirt. He rested his chin on top of your head, rubbing soothing circles onto your back, rocking you slightly. 

No. This is wrong. This is all wrong. You should hate me for what I’ve done, I’m despicable. 

“Aaron.” You brought your head up from his chest, finally looking at his face. He didn’t look angry or disgusted, he just looked … sad.  

“It’s alright.” He gently brushed some of the tears from your face, one hand coming to rest on your cheek, “It’s ok.” 

“It’s not ok Aaron. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I kept this from you.” 

The hand on your cheek fell away, coming to rest instead on your hand, holding it in his. 

“You must hate me.” 

“I don’t hate you.” 

“Well I hate myself.” 

“This isn’t your fault”

“Isn’t it?” 

“I screwed up. We both did. But I made you feel like you couldn’t tell me about this. I drove you away and I broke your heart. We both made mistakes. But we can fix them now.”

The way he said, the way he seemed to stare into your soul, made you truly believe you could. 

“Tell me about them. Tell me everything.” 

And so you did. You told him everything about Sofia. How excited she was to go into her junior year next year. How she liked to eat pancakes on saturdays and drink tea because it made her feel fancy. You told him how she cries at soppy movies and how you would always make time for mother daughter dates. And he listened to every moment of it, every little detail. And it pained you that he never knew any of this. That he never got to see her grow up. But maybe now he could get some of that time back. Still have a relationship, make some memories with her. 

“I want to meet her.” 

“I want that too.” 

And you felt some understanding pass between the two of you. That whatever had happened in the past was over with. Now, what was important, more than anything else, was family. 

[159potterhead]

(this is answer to the previous ask. It's gonna be long. I'll try to give you the insight)

Yeah. I mean apart from me there's also this one other guy he's also regular victim like me coz he also broke a rule but he gets bullied by different seniors not the Michael guy gang. And it's not particularly about the gang or the group coz all those seniors are friends with each other so anyone can bully any junior. This guy has a job for calling me when those seniors ask to see me and this guy makes a run to the cafe coz those seniors wants to eat something. He's always running around here and there. I feel bad for him.

There are more than 200 peeps I guess. They had human ethics class when they called me but that time professor wasn't taking their lecture so most of them left but then too there were too many people in there. Yk I told you I'm in Biotech so like this we have all kind of subjects for major like physics, chemistry, maths, statistics, life science and many more and for all these branches we have a common subject called Human ethics which is compulsory for every one. So all of the branches together sit in one big classroom for this subject.

Tbh, I really don't know what that guy wants, I thought maybe I'll avoid him so I won't get in trouble but it happened opposite coz he got seriously pissed after that. That was the most embarrassing day of my life, I remember everything, I got very close to crying. And he never really talks to me but he called me in their class and was like, why are you avoiding me? And I can't say that to his face, so, I said, 'I was not.' And then he listed a few palce where I tried to avoid him and I had no answer to that, it's a long story but he bought that list of slangs that I once wrote and he told me to read the whole list (it has around 70 curse words half which I had to make up on my own. Initially it 50 but afterwards they increased it. I'll get to it later) He told me I had to yell those words until the person sitting on the last bench can hear me. It was brutal. And he was standing right on my head saying, 'I can't hear you,' I would have killed him that day. I got very close to crying. I only made it till 4-5 words. I skipped few days after that day it was the worst thing ever that's how everyone in his year got to know about me.

Yes! I tried to avoid him many times. If I saw him coming I used to changed my path and I think he noticed coz I wasn't subtle at all. And idk what's up with him coz he started playing hide and seek, if he noticed me changing direction or going the long way to avoid him he just used to take the short route and get there before me just to freak me out. And that guy is not even in my line of vision he's way taller than me and I freaked out every time when he used to come in front of me suddenly out of nowhere. I looked okay not a big deal from outside but from inside I always went in emergency mode, my hands used to get cold. Sue me, I have anxiety I can't help it and if someone will act like this I will feel a little afraid or intimidated yk. And after that task of reading the list out loud he stopped. So that was relief. I often think does these people don't have humanity or what. If I was a guy I would never do this to a girl. And yk this bullying part is also a reason why I'm done with guys. Don't be sorry, it's okay I had my fun in school, so I was kinda prepared for this.

I think you didn't get it. It's the weird universal rule going on from ages, we have to give respect to every senior even if they are from other branch. The rules are not made up by any college authority. It's just something that is going on among students, professors doesn't know a thing about it. There are many rules. We have two cafes over here and one of them is strictly reserved for seniors, a junior person cannot step a foot over there.

Yesss! You get me! That's why I was looking. I don't think it's peer pressure. I think that he thinks I don't respect him and I broke the rule. I think he got more confident after his friends knew. And I think his friends told people of his class that's why they all knew my name.

All my friends and classmates already knows about it. They can't do anything coz those people are their seniors too, and we are supposed to do as they say. One of my tired tried to help me coz she knew someone in the senior batch and that person talked to that Michael guy about me and guess what? They just doubled the slangs. And I had to prove my innocence and I bargained but then too I ended up writing 70. So there's that.

(it’s alright, write ten pages even if you’ve got to)

it’s all cause of those stupid rules!!😡 oh my, poor kid:(( y’all have feet, go and get your own food from the cafeteria! i’m starting to feel bad for him too, he’s just trying to get along with his college years, let him be!!

ohh, so you get stuck in the same hall for a whole lecture? that’s just nice🤦🏻‍♀️

yeah that makes absolutely no sense btw🤨?? baby noo😭 I wish I had been there for you!! umm we have nothing between us, I can avoid you if I want to?? jeez I wanna punch this dude so bad rn. ok srsly what is up with that list omg. YOURE JOKING????? HE MADE YOU DO THAT??? IS HE INSANE OR INSANE??!!? im so so so sorry!!!! that just sounds like an awful way to get introduced to the rest of the school, plus I can’t imagine the toll it had on you!!😭😭

???? what a creep??? I mean that’d be fine if it was a friend, but what the hell does he want?? you have a right to be intimidated, and it’s not your fault you’ve got anxiety, can’t he get it?!! either he finally saw that his actions are that of the devil and felt sorry for you and stopped, which I doubt very much. or someone in that class saw and made him stop afterwards. he shouldn’t be doing this to anyone, regardless!! this is your actual villain origin story against guys, and honestly, I can very clearly see why now. even though, this doesn’t mean that you deserved an ounce of it!

how is that supposed to be any better?? and fine I can show respect, but to the point of calling them maam and sir, is this a school or military grounds? yeah okay that reserved spot thing is passable.

ah okay... a shitty dude followed by shitty friends... how respectful.

honestly thank god I don’t attend your college, no offense. under whose authority am I to blindly do as they say, I don’t get it, I really don’t! oh that’s just great😫 props to them for talking to him though. that just sucks, I am incredibly sorry! :(((

🎶honey I'll be your shelter, I'll be the one to take you through the night. whenever you need shelter, I'll make everything alright, make everything alright🎶💕

[echosantee]

HIGH SCHOOL EXPERIENCE

Hi my name is Jericho Santiago

This post is all about my Highschool experience

Let's get started

Grade 7, first day of my highschool I'm very nervous because I'm bad at socializing, but thankfully, some of my classmates talk to me first. That's were it all began the friendship that I'll absolutely cherish in my life. On grade 7, obviously fresh from elementary, i gained new experience and learned new things. Maam Beth is our teacher, and believe me she is very kind and caring and have great sense of humour. Grade 7 make me experience many things like recollection, intramurals, smpcs night, family day, and many more.

Grade 8, i dont really remember much of it but...

Our teacher is sir mark (TLE), very strict but there's a reason for that and that is for me and my classmates to become responsible and discipline.

This are the scenarios that i only remembered

My classmates are dunking at the projection screen then i got jealous, so i grabbed a chair and then i also dunked at it unfortunately, the projection screen break out on the wall and obviously i have been scolded, a few weeks later it was fixed by an unknown person.

James breaks the glass at the window. And when seian is also shooting at thr projection screen he accidentally hit te light and it fell off, it was later fixed by them.

Also the rubber band incident, we are playing rubber bands we placed it on our ID then shoot it to others we are caught then we've been scolded and punished us by making us stand at the stage while we have braids. It was painful hehe

Also, we shoot garbage and bottles on the garbage can and it broke.

One of my classmates also got a fever by accidentally touching a electrical wire

Grade 9, don't really remember but i know for sure that it was disastrous and funny also my teacher is maam ong

And our 1st, Js Promenade

Grade 10, for me the best year and our teacher is maam izadel very kind, loving, and always encourage us to do our best and to be better, my 1st bulprisa participation as a volleyball player middle blocker, almost drop of because of game addiction but maam iza notified my brother. My brother beat me up and scolded me because i was skipping school so after that i realized i need to study well. And i don't know that i grow taller.

Also my 1st long convo with a girl but unfortunately, i have been ghosted.

The recollection this year is on a seminary and boys only, i had an accident and sprained my ankle.

This year is also our moving up, we practiced it in order for the event to go well

Grade 11, the strand that i chose is STEM. Maam Julie is our adviser we've got new classmates, and the schedule is so tiring 7am to 6pm. Our last subj on mon and tue is calculus it was very hard even on the examination but my classmates are always there help and teach me. My quiz on Maam Marjorie's subj are always perfect if not my mistakes is only 1 to 3, im not lying though. This year is also our 1st practical research even though i didn't do a thing. And again just like every other year, it was disastrous and fun because of the moments with my friends. I'm the mvp at volleyball and the Prom king, Thank you Lord. We didn't get to finish our school year at our school we continued and ended grade 11 at home because of coronavirus.

Grade 12, another school year with coronavirus, our teacher is Sir Mark. This year for me is the most exhausting and depressing but the good news it we will learn from this experience, even though there's a pandemic, sometimes me and my friends hangout to play basketball, eat etc.

Simbang gabi, we completed it this year

This year this words hit me " iba talaga pag nakikita mo sa personal mga kaibigan mo"

This is our last year but unfortunately, the pandemic is nowhere near end.

Also, I decided to be a Tourism student and I'm currently applying on colleges.

Our graduation is near and just thinking that in 6 years that i have always been with my classmates this is sad. This is where we separate, i know we will definitely see each other but, i don't really know what to say it's just feel different.

The end.

[defledam]

MY YOUTH

“See you tomorrow mate!” Jackson cleaned up the gum on the sides of his mouth then put it back in to chew.

 “Throw it away Jackson! You’ve been chewing it for almost two hours!” I said while shaking my head in disbelief but he just grin at me.

“Ew! You’re chewing your own saliva and swallowing it over again!” Mark teases him from behind. Jackson took off his shoe and was about to throw it to us when Jb pass by. He sternly looked at Jackson that left us all quiet. 

“This is a school, not a playground.” Jb said before walking out our classroom.

“Ugh man! I almost faint from that look!” nervous Jackson put his shoe back, Mark patted his shoulder to calm him.

If you believe in the saying that no man is island, I’ll disagree... Because Jb’s always alone, like no friends, no family, as in no one has the courage to talk to him because he’s the aloof type who never talks and what happened a while ago was just another case of miracle.. He talked, but better id he just stfu. 

“Take it easy Jackson. You’ve done nothing, he won’t hurt you.” Mark said to comfort Jackson who’s still nervous from what happened.

“He shouldn’t. Who is he to hurt people when he wants?” I said while looking at the door where Jb walked out. I really don’t get that guy, he’s been called in disciplinary action many times but he seems not to care. “C’mon, it’s getting late. Let’s go home.” 

~

I grip on my bicycle’s break when a man falls in front of me. The side of his lips is bleeding and I can see how he’s in rage over the man in front of him. “You bastard!” before getting up, Jb punch the man in the face once more. His anger is more than that of the middle aged man. Before landing another punch on the man’s face, a middle aged woman came and begs Jb to stop.

He’s breathing heavily while suppressing his anger, I can see fire burning in his eyes as if he don’t want to stop punching the man. “Hey stop it...” I said, his eyes then darted on me but it didn’t take long. He left with his fists still close. “Maam, Sir are you okay?” I asked but the man ignored me.

“We’re fine.” the woman answered and smiled before following the man who looks like her husband. 

At that very moment, I feel like I want to fight with Jb. Even the woman’s face has bruises on it, how could he take hurting a person just like that? And to think he's older than him. What a bully! 



Days passed by and the feeling of anger I have for Jb remained in my chest. He’s been on and off school and no one could ever deny that the class is happier without him. They can have fun, make noise, and do whatever they want without any worries of getting someone pissed off. 

Jb’s back to school after four days of absences and at that day, a transferee student was introduced. No one made a noise or even a simple hush while listening to Youngjae introduce himself. “Hi ev..everyone. My name is Choi Youngjae, I’m from south korea.” he said, almost trembling and obviously scared. The teacher told Youngjae to sit down and he has no choice but to sit beside Jb cuz that's the only vacant seat. No one wants to sit beside him. Their matching bruise on the cheeks and the fear in Youngjae’s face says it all. He was beaten by him on his first day! I closed my fists and tried to calm myself. He's going overboard! 

Is that how he welcome a new student?! 

“Poor Youngjae. He’s welcomed with the iron fists.” Mark whispered. Jackson covered his mouth, afraid that Jb might hear him.

After the class, Jb was the first to walk out the room. I followed him immediately. “Hey Jb!” I’m not sure if my voice sounds threatening but that’s how I want it to be. “Aren’t you sick using your fists? Do you find pleasure in hurting other people?” he stopped walking and looked at me with his famous piercing eyes. But after a couple of seconds, he turned back and walked out... without saying a single word.

It was Sunday when I decided to ride my bike and drive around the town. I saw a man pushing a loaded cart up the road so I get off on my bike to help him. “Are you selling this to the junk shop?” I asked while helping him pushing the cart up with recyclable boxes so I guess he’s bringing it to the junkshop on the next street.

“Yes.” he answered. I was stunned. The voice I seldom heard yet recognized by my ears quickly, it was Jb. I didn’t recognize him with his looks, he’s just wearing slippers and his shirt is all dusty. “Thank you.” he said after we passed the cart on the high road. I looked at him walking with the cart ‘till he turned left and my eyes can’t see him anymore.

I continued riding my bike around the town with Jb’s image in my brain. He said thank you but I didn't feel the sincerity on it.

“Hey!” I grip on my bike’s break when two younger male blocked my way.

“Excuse me?” I said.

“Yugyeom, his bicycle looks pretty cool!” the smaller one said, eying on my bike.

photo

“Yeah man! I actually like it.” the taller one added.

“Then you should buy your own. And if you’ll excuse me I need to go home so can you please both step aside?” I said, still trying to be nice though this two seems not interested in the word.

“But we don’t have money to buy a bike like yours...”

“So Bambam... if we take the bike how are we going to divide it?”

photo

“Tsk! How are we going to ride it if we divide it?! Man think!”

“What I mean is how are we going to share it?”

“Hmmm... mwf? ttss?”

“I think it’s not fair. Four days over three?”

While the two talking nonsense, I stepped on my pedal and turn to the side but the taller one who I suppose is named Yugyeom grabbed the hem of my shirt that caused me to fall.

“No running away man!” he said, pulling me away from my bike. I resisted but the one named Bambam pushed me again. Bambam is taking my bike while Yugyeom is gripping on my arms. “Hey! Give it back!”

“Kids....” Bambam stopped taking a step, Yugyeom losses his grip on me. I looked at Jb with his empty cart.

“Hyung!” the two said in unison. “I told you it’s not good to take someone else’s possession right?”

“Uh...hyung, we just want to try his bike.” Bambam who’s acting like an obedient child. He knows how to act! Tsk!

photo

“We haven’t try riding a bike like that hyung... we just want to borrow.” even the tall Yugyeom is acting like an obedient child to his father. Great actors huh!

“But what I saw is not like you’re borrowing the bike from him...” the two looked down on their feet. “Apologize to him Bambam and Yugyeom.”

“I’m sorry man...” the two said in unison again.

“Sorry for their actions...” Jb said, I nodded my head. He told Bambam to give me back my bike and the younger quickly obeyed.

I get on my bike and was ready to go when I heard Bambam asked Jb. “Do you know him hyung?”

“I’m curious too hyung. He looks at you like he knows you.” Yugyeom added. I slowed my movement, I feel like I want to hear more from their conversation. He's going to deny me!

photo

“Yes. He’s my classmate... and a good friend.”

“Ah really hyung?!”

“So we should call him hyung too, not man!”

That was a short conversation but a never ending part in my memory. Good friend? Since when?? But I admit, I was pretty surprised with that and the way he treat those youngsters.

After that day, I decided to gather a full tank of courage within me and talk to Jb though I still have no idea what to talk about or will he even talk to me in the first place?

I was ready. But the day never happened.

I’ve never seen Jb at school after that day. My classmates’ happy days without his presence continued but it became emptiness to me. I felt like he doesn’t deserve every hate thrown at him though I still don’t know the reasons why he’s done those things in the past.

I feel like I should have tried harder to get to know him rather than hate him.

“Do you have any idea where is Jb? Or where he lives?” I get back to my senses when Youngjae sit on Jackson’s chair beside me.

“No. Hmm why do you ask?”

He shrugged his shoulder. “I just want to thank him...”

photo

“Thank him? For what?” I suddenly become curious.

“For saving me from the bad guys during my first day here. I really admire him for being strong and brave. He fought with the three bad guys when he saw them taking my wallet and cellphone.” after Youngjae’s story, I feel like I’m no better with those guys who bullied him. He clearly helped him and not bullied him like how I thought it was.

I ride my bike around the town again hoping that I’ll see him, we’re not friends yet but I have a lot to say to him and he even called me friend before.

“Oh! hyung!” I stopped my bike when two familiar voices called me though I’m not really sure if I was the one they’re calling. Hyung?

“Hyung!” Bambam said and tap me on my shoulder. “Why did you go out just now?”

“Ayt! We’re the ones who just getting out now. Did you forget your father locked you in your house for a week and my mother brought me to my grandmother?”

“Ah yeah... almost forgot!” I noticed something on Bambam's arm. I think it's a bruise. Did they fight? I guess no, they're too close to fight each other.

“So you’re not siblings?”

“No...”

“Ah... I thought you’re siblings and Jb is your older brother.”

“No hyung. Ah yes hyung!” I got confused by Bambam’s answer.

“No because we’re not blood related. Yes because Jb hyung treats us like his real younger brothers. He saves us from bullies and even feed us when our parents can’t buy us food.” The way they described Jb and talked happy things about him makes my heart so soft. I was wrong. I judged him by what my eyes have seen without knowing about the whole situation.

I feel so guilty. How can I hate someone who's a better human being than me?

photo

“Do you know where I can find him? He’s been absent in school for two weeks now.”

“The last thing he said before he left was he’s finally going to meet his mother...”

“But he didn’t tell us where because he’s not still sure, someone just told him about his mother then he left in a rush.”

“Do you want to ride my bike?” I asked the two and they nodded excitingly. I watched them happily riding my bike around and I didn’t know this kind of simple sight can bring so much contentment to my heart.

Months had passed and we still have no news about Jb. Riding my bike around the town and meeting Yugyeom and Bambam to the place where we first met becomes my habit. I bring them food whenever there’s something in our fridge and play with them.

And yes, months passed by yet I still can't stop thinking about him and I'm ready to apologize. I looked up and stared at the clear blue sky.

How was it meeting your mom? Are you happy? Will you not scare people again when you come back like how you used to?

“Oh Jinyoungie!!” I turned around and see Mark waving his hand along with Jackson and Youngjae. They walk towards me, Bambam and Yugyeom parked the bike beside the tree.

“Hey! What brings you guys here?”

“Surprise visit you know?!” Jackson said joyfully holding up a box of pizza.

“He looks like a clown. I don’t like him. I hate clowns.” Bambam whispered to Yugyeom.

“Me too. But I think I like the box he’s holding so we might consider liking him?” Yugyeom whispered back to Bambam.

I laughed hearing the two’s conversation about Jackson. “Mark, Jackson, Youngjae this is Yugyeom and Bambam. Bambam, Yugyeom... this is Mark, Jackson and Youngjae. They are my friends.”

photo

“Nice to meet you hyungs!” the two said in unison like they usually does. Mark patted Yugyeom’s head, Youngjae did the same to Bambam. But Yugyeom and Bambam’s eyes were still on Jackson.

I laughed again at the thought on my mind. “Let’s open the pizza?” I said to Jackson and handed me over the box.

[thetruthseekerway]

Spirit of Generosity

New Post has been published on http://www.truth-seeker.info/oasis-of-faith/spirit-of-generosity/

Spirit of Generosity

By Sadullah Khan

The way people relate to wealth influences most aspects of their personal lives. For many people, where there is wealth there is attention.

If you became wealthy overnight…

What will the first thing you would do?

Is charity one of your primary focuses?

How much more charity will you give? … and what is your proof?

The biblical text encourages each person to give in proportion to the way God has blessed them [Deuteronomy 16:17] Many believe that the more they have, the more generous they’ll become; but is that really the case. To become more generous, you have to have a spirit of generosity in the first place.

It’s Not really about the Money, It’s actually about the Heart

Real generosity is not dependent so much on income as it is on the capacity of the heart. There are many who have the means to give, but not the heart to give. And there are many, who, the more they have the less they give. Henry Ward Beecher warned; “watch, lest prosperity destroys generosity”.

Father, Unlike Son

In the 1950s J.P. Getty was the richest man in the world. He is known to have disliked the attention his wealth brought, but not because of his humility but because of people’s request for donations, he “despised passive acceptance of money”; had a pay-phone installed in his house for guests; delayed ransom for his grandson’s kidnapping for 6 months and only paid a fraction of the ransom after his grandson’s ear was cut off and sent to him.

J.P. Getty Jr. inherited relatively a small part of his father’s estate yet gave millions in charity saying, “I am privileged to be the heir to huge wealth and I regard myself as custodian of that money for the benefit of people who need it more than I do.”

Even when you do give of your material wealth, do not give merely from the top of your wallet, but rather give from the bottom of your heart. Also, it is not material help only. Whatever one can do to enhance the situation of others is considered generosity.

Prophet Muhammad  said; “There is charity due on every part of the body every day.” He went on to say: “to bring justice between people is charity, to help a person with transport and helping with baggage is charity, a good, kind word is charity, every step towards prayer is charity, removing harmful things from the way is charity and giving water to the thirsty is charity. A person’s true wealth lies in the good they accrue for the Hereafter through good deeds in this world. When a person dies people say ‘what has he left behind?’ while angels say ‘what has he sent forth?’ ”

To give of your self is the best kind of giving. Prophet Muhammad said: “When you give of yourself, then you truly are a Believer“.

The great Lebanese poet and writer Khalil Gibran echoed the same sentiments when he said: “You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.”

So, if you genuinely desire to become a generous person, don’t wait for your income to change; change the attitude of your heart.

Stinginess

As for those who are stingy due to fear that generosity will deplete their wealth, Prophet Muhammad  said: A person says, ” ‘this is my wealth, my things’ but all that he really has is three; What he consumes and digests, what he wears and wears out, or what he gives in charity and it continues to benefit; The rest you leave behind when you depart from this world.”

Martin Luther King Jr. said: “Every person must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.”

Note that the stingy person is far from people, far from Allah, far from paradise and closer to the fire of Hell. (Prophet Muhammad )

Positive Aspects of Giving

The Company of the generous is delightful. The generous focus on other than themselves and their generosity not only makes them likeable but also makes the world a happier and better place.

Life should not really be about how much money we accrue, but rather how many people we serve; because the greater your giving, the greater your living. Giving does not devalue your worth and the Prophet said that “charity does not decrease wealth”. Remember, we are here to enrich the world, and if we ever forget that we impoverish ourselves.

In helping others we enhance ourselves, for when you light another’s path you can’t help but cast light on your own path. Realize that no one stands taller in success than the one who bends down to help those in need. We become enriched by enriching the lives of others. The Prophet said that a Believer feels good doing good. So do not do good merely to feel good, but rather feel good doing good.

In a humorous incident, a beggar asked a woman for money and she said; “I’ll give you a dollar, not because you deserve it but because it pleases me”. So the beggar said; “Thanks Maam, why don’t you give me $100 and you could feel really, really good about it.”

By living a life that is helpful, one’s life becomes significant. “Life’s most persistent and urgent question is … What are we doing for others?” (civil rights leader, Martin Luther King Jr.) How we answer that question is in a way a good measure of our spirit of generosity.

Spirit of Generosity

Characteristic of a true Believer: When asked about the characteristics of a Believer, Imam Zainul ‘Abideen said: “Righteousness in privacy, generosity even when needy, patience during misfortunes, sense of control when angry and truthfulness even when fearful.”

Kindness: Giving requires compassion, mercy, and love. Each person should give what he has decided in his heart to give; not reluctantly nor under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. [2 Corinthians 9:7]

Selflessness: Eventually, what we do for ourselves alone dies with us, but what we do for others outlives us. Wise are the words that remind us:

He who lives for himself, lives small, and dies small and will be forgotten,

And he who lives for others, lives big, and dies big and will be remembered

Our function in life is not merely to have and to hold, but to give and to serve, to get and not to forget. “The service we render to others is really the rent we pay for our room on this earth.” (Dr Wilfred Grenfell) Prophet Muhammad said: “Allah is at the assistance of a person as long as that person is of help to another.”

Remember the promise, people will enter Paradise; by the Mercy of Allah, through the generosity of their spirits and the soundness of their hearts. (Prophet Muhammad)

O Allah! I seek refuge in Thee from anxiety, grief, incapacity, laziness, stinginess, cowardice; from the burden of debt and from the domination of people. (Prayer of Prophet Muhammad)

———-

Taken with slight editorial modifications from islamicity.org.

[imsoofabulous]

What happens in Vegas...

I dropped my bags on the floor as I looked around the expansive suite. I would only be staying one night, but it would be more than worth it. I was in Vegas for a girls trip but flew in a day early to relax and have some time to myself. I flopped on the bed and pulled my phone out my pocket to let my friends and family know I had arrived safely. It was just after 3, so I had plenty of time to get settled in. As I sent off a text to my best friend, a message came through from Andre. Andre was the man of my dreams, but his work made it hard for us to see each other. Seeing his name made my heart race.

Andre: hey baby

Me: what’s up

Andre: I wanna see you

I cursed to myself, knowing this would happen.

Me: I’m in Vegas this weekend :(

Andre: where are you staying?

Me: I’m in a hotel tonight until my friends arrive tomorrow

Andre: so you’re alone?

Me: yep

Andre: I’ll be there in a few hours

I stared at my phone in shock before I screamed. I quickly texted him my hotel and room number before calling my best friend. “You’re not going to believe this!” I said not realizing I was yelling.

“What girl? why are you so loud shit.”

“Andre is coming to Vegas for the night!” I was still yelling, too excited to talk at a regular volume.

“Ohhhh shit! Damn he must fuck with you heavy! What did i tell you though! I told you this would happen!” I rolled my eyes at her ‘I told you so’ as i gave a quick run down of what had happened just that fast. I rushed off the phone when i realized I didn’t know exactly how much time I had to get ready.

I unzipped my luggage and carefully went through my clothes. I didn’t have too many sexy options since I wasn’t planning on anything like this. As I pulled out one of the few dresses I had brought with me, I thought about the robe usually in the hotel bathroom. I threw the dress down and ran to the bathroom, pleased to see 2 robes hanging on the door. I slipped it on to see how it fit. I was tall and plus size so I expected it to not be big enough, but it was. I went back to my bag to retrieve my bath stuff i had for the evening. I had candles, a bath bomb, a speaker, and my tablet so i could read or watch something. I undressed as chills went through my body imagining seeing Andre again. He couldn’t have been more perfect for me. While I stood at 6’3”, he was taller than me by almost 5 inches. My thick frame was easy for him to handle since he was thick like he still played football. We both had smooth dark skin that looked good with anything. I licked my lips thinking about his full lips covering my body with kisses. Just as I started running the water in the tub, I heard a knock at the door.

“Room Service!” A mans voice came from the other side of the door.

“I didn’t order anything,” I thought to myself as I made my way to the door.

“Good evening! Compliments of Mr. Jones!” He wheeled in a cart containing champagne, chocolates, and a single red rose. “Well thank you so much!” I scrambled for my wallet to give him a tip. “Thank you maam. He also left a note that dinner is on him, order whatever you’d like.” I handed him a $10 bill and thanked him again. I was in shock as i closed the door behind him. I looked at the cart and decided to hold off on the champagne for now. I took off my clothes and grabbed the rose to take a sexy picture for Andre.

Me: I’ll pop the champagne when you get here ;)

Andre: go ahead and open that, I’ll get us something else when i come.

I squealed as I went to start my bath water again. While the tub filled up, I ran to pour myself a glass of champagne. “Fuck it” I said to myself, taking the whole bottle and the chocolates in the bathroom with me. I pulled my hair up into a bun before turning the water off and dropping the bath bomb in. I grabbed my body scrub and loofah and sat them on the edge of the tub. I set up my tablet and started some reruns of bobs burgers before finally getting in the tub. The hot water was like an instant relief to my tired body. Just As I laid my head back, my phone went off. “Damn it, who is this?”

I sat up to retrieve my phone, reminding myself to turn on do not disturb. Before I could get too upset, I saw it was Andre updating me on when he’d be here.

Andre: got a flight taking off in about an hour. See you soon baby.

I checked the time, noting that is was going on 5 here which meant it was close to 8 in Atlanta. I sent back some kissing emojis, setting a timer for 5 hours. I turned my ringer down and figured I sneak in a quick nap before I had to actually get ready.

Andre

I had a connect at the airport who found me a seat on the last flight to Vegas for the night. I had to work there over the weekend, so it really just gave me more time to get settled in. I always had my travel bag ready to go since I was always on the go. I requested and Uber before grabbing my brush and going over my waves. I couldn’t wait to see Kim and more importantly, not have to rush out the next day. I loved my job but it left little time for anything else. I had already switched her reservation to my card and added on a day. I knew she was meeting friends the next day but I was sure I could persuade her to stay with me another night. I had breakfast coming to us in the morning and a massage in the afternoon, something I desperately needed. I got the notification that my Uber was outside and grabbed my bag before shutting off all the lights in my apartment. I sent Kim a message to let her know I was headed her way as I walked down to the Uber. As I rode to the airport, I scrolled through the pictures I had of Kim in my phone. She was so beautiful and sexy. I hadn’t met any girl as tall as she was with such a great shape. Everything was the perfect size, especially her big round ass. I started to get hard thinking about it, so I decided to instead see what was happening on Instagram. Before I knew it, we were at the airport. I gave the driver a $20 bill before getting out the car. I normally flew private with my clients so it had been awhile since I had to make my way through the airport. I breezed through security since I had TSA precheck. I navigated through the terminals thinking about what I wanted to eat. I didn’t have much time so I headed to five guys for something I could take on the plane with me. As I passed by the Swarovski store, a jewelry set in the window caught my eye. It was a necklace with earrings and a bracelet that I could already envision Kim wearing. I purchased it without hesitation and even got it wrapped up for her. “Last minute gift? Who’s it for? Mother, girlfriend, wife?” The sales lady asked, putting emphasis on wife and glancing at my ring finger. I smiled, deciding to play along a little. “Just a special lady,” I responded vaguely, flashing a smile.

“Well she’s certainly lucky,” she handed the bag to me and smiled, brushing her hand against mine as I grabbed the bag. I laughed to myself as I walked out the store. I heard them call zone 1 for my flight so I rushed to get some food quick. There was no line so I made it to the terminal by time they called zone 3. I looked at my ticket to see what seat I was in, just realizing I was supposed to board zone one in business class. As I got to the gate agent, her mood shifted. She was rushing with the passengers in front of me, but seemed to slow down when she got to me. “Good evening Mr. Jones, I hope you enjoy your time in Vegas,” she smiled and winked at me. “Thanks sweetheart,” I smiled at her before continuing on to the plane, shaking my head. I couldn’t help but imagine how Kim would react if she was with me. I got comfortable in my seat, grateful for the extra legroom, and checked my phone. I smiled at the pictures from Kim, glad that the front desk had gotten the stuff to her quick. I let her know I would be there soon and dozed off before birding was even complete.

Before i knew it, we were landing in Vegas. It was just before 10, so i had plenty of time to stop at liquor library and pick us up some stuff to make drinks with. I decided to just show up versus letting Kim know that I had landed. I couldn’t wait to see the look on her face.

Kim

I sat on the bed in the robe provided by the hotel. I was ready and now just waiting for Andre to arrive. I was nervous since it had been about 3 months since I’d seen him. I decided to get dressed and have a quick drink downstairs to ease my nerves. I slipped on a long sleeved black dress that had an opening in the back, accentuating my ass even more. I decided to put on heels, hoping no one made any comments on how tall I was. It was going on 9 and I figured Andres flight would land around 10, giving me an hour to get back. I made my way to the elevator as thoughts of Andre took over my mind. The elevator arrived and was surprisingly empty. I checked myself out in the mirror lined back wall. As I looked, I imagined Andre coming up behind me and kissing on my neck. I took a deep breath, attempting to clear my mind as I finally reached the lobby. I strutted across the marble floor, focusing on not falling. I stopped at the first bar area and took a seat on the end. I ordered a shot and a cocktail and took a deep breath as I scanned the bar around me. I saw what looked to be a bachelorette party getting started and several random groups and singles scattered throughout. The bartender brought back my drinks and I quickly downed the shot. “Damn girl!” A deep voice said from behind me. I turned around to see a man about the same height as me. He was pretty cute with his shaved down beard and perfect waves. If I wasn’t meeting Jay, I definitely would’ve talked with him. I flashed a small smile and turned back to my drinks as he slid into the seat next to me. “Hey let’s get another round down here!” The mystery man called out to the bartender.

“Oh I’m good but thank you,” I politely declined.

“Ohhh you must be meeting somebody huh?” He spoke with a thick Texas accent and I could see he had a gold grill over his bottom teeth that contrasted nicely with his dark skin.

“I am” I stated simply.

“Well do you think they’ll mind if I keep you a lil company till they get here?” He smiled, flashing his perfect top row of teeth and the grill. I loved southern men with grills, and he was looking like Trevante Rhodes in the movie Moonlight. I laughed to myself and checked the time. I could entertain him for a few minutes and enjoy a drink on him before heading back upstairs.

“I guess I can spare a few minutes for you,” I looked over at him and caught him staring at my thighs. He licked his lips as he met my gaze.

“Well whoever is meeting you tonight is lucky as hell” he looked me over once again before taking down his shot.

I giggled as i sipped my cocktail and scanned the bar again as the noise level got suddenly louder. I turned back to the mystery man who was typing something on his phone. “It was a pleasure to meet you love, but i actually gotta meet my homeboys myself. Why don’t you give me a call sometime.” He smiled that smile again as he placed a card by my drink. He winked and touched my shoulder as he walked off.

I finished off my drink and picked up the card. “Dontavius Tucker, Attorney at Law. Okay then!” I quickly sent a picture of the card to my best friend, Amaya, and told her to remind me to tell her about it later. To my surprise, she called me almost immediately after I sent the message.

“Hello?” I answered expecting something to be wrong.

“Who the hell is Dontavius and aren’t you supposed to be with Andre?”

I laughed before taking the shot Dontavius had bought for me before standing up to leave. “Calm down sis. I’m waiting on Andre to get here, ol boy approached me bought me a drink, left his card that’s it” I gave the bartender my room key, realizing I didn’t have my credit card on me.

“Oh. Well if that’s it what is there to tell me?” Amaya sounded slightly disappointed.

“Girl he was fine as hell. Like if Andre wasn’t on his way, he could’ve been coming upstairs with me.” I started to describe how he looked as I made my way to the elevator.

“Well shit if he that fine, call him up tomorrow for me,” she laughed.

“Girl you play too much.” Just as I pressed the button for my floor and the doors were closing, someone stuck their foot in to stop it. The doors opened back up seemingly in slow motion to Andre, dressed in all black as always. He was looking down to pick up his bags and hadn’t realized I was the person on the elevator. He stepped in, finally looking up and instantly smiled.

“Um let me call you back,” I hung up my phone before Amaya could say anything back, barely breaking eye contact with Andre. As the doors closed again, he dropped his bags and wrapped his arms around me. “Damn you look good,” he whispered in my ear as he grabbed my ass. I got wet instantly as his cologne tickled my nose. He started kissing my neck, causing me to giggle. I pulled away and looked at him, feeling like I must have been dreaming.

“Ooo hold on turn around,” Andre spun me around so that we were facing the mirror. “We look good together baby,” he placed his hands on my hips and pulled me against him. The elevator started to slow as I stepped away from Andre so he could grab his things. “Lead the way baby.”