#thanks for indulging me—and for making me remember the agony that was my younger self WHEEZE | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

zombiejette · 5 years ago

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RadioDust HCs:

ok kids. bc i have no chill yet no desire to clean these ramblings up into an actual fic, have some of my extremely self-indulgent hcs for this ship. this is gonna get long-winded and wild, so strap tf in.

General HCs:

Alastor is gray or demisexual. Meaning he is generally sex-repulsed until he becomes incredibly close to someone. This is pretty much my standard HC across the board for him, especially when I’m trying to ship him with Angel cuz lord knows there needs to be a middle ground between their sexual natures somewhere lol

Even after falling for someone, he still is fairly indifferent to sex, but he does enjoy eliciting reactions, especially from someone he knows well. And in the rare event that he cares for another, he does genuinely want to bring them pleasure. Therefore he sees sex more as an extension of this and is willing to participate to make his partner happy/is interested in creating their reactions

Likes to know he’s the only one to rile them up as well, part of his power kink

Alastor also has no idea what these identity terms mean either: is a clueless murderous old man

Angel is a tad more Woke™, especially after being in Hell for a while

Having younger generations of demon friends helps with this: Cherri or Vaggie being the ones to usually clue him in to more modern concepts

Drives Angel up a gd wall when he attempts to explain a modern invention/slang/pop culture reference to Alastor, who only digs his heels in with Not Understanding it just to piss him off more

Alastor not only does understand, but saves this fact for the times when he really wants to impress/screw with Angel, or when the knowledge comes in handy

He’ll never forget the look on Angel’s face when he casually informed him that the deer selfie filter is actually super offensive to him and would you please be a ‘deer’ and cease using it on insta thank you now there’s a love

Angel is now super paranoid that Alastor will see all his social media interactions somehow, despite him NOT having any accounts anywhere

Does not stop him from posting nsfw selfies and tagging them with #alastor/radiodemon in the least

Anemia HCs:

ok so i read somewhere that angel was anemic on the hazbin wiki info, or something?? i don’t know if that was real or not but uh... i took it and ran with it, so now it’s my hc, and this whooooole thing turned itself into a multi-part mini fic, which is all under the cut. if you’re dying of radiodust thirst like me, pls enjoy this mess.

Part One:

Angel is indeed anemic, and the first time Alastor finds out is when he literally passes out into his arms like a bad ‘Gone with the Wind’ parody

At first Alastor was disgusted, thinking this was yet another stupid ploy to hit on him... until he realized Angel wasn’t speaking anymore

Something that never happens

He wasn’t expecting to care, let alone lift the spider the rest of the way into his arms, carrying him to Charlie so she can figure this out

One second, Angel was fainting on him, the next, Alastor found himself sitting by his bed, placing a cool cloth over his brow and waiting for Charlie to get back with supplies

Almost like something out of those novels Mother used to think she had so cleverly hidden away

Hmm

Somehow, that thought alone was not enough to make him leave, so there he dutifully remained

Even as Angel woke up, groggy, yet giving him maybe the smallest, softest smile he’d ever seen the demon make

”Al... you stayed...”

Well that was certainly something. The way it made his pulse race quicker and palms sweat under his gloves was definitely new. And apparently enough to keep him sticking around through Charlie’s fussing and prodding and Angel’s consequent refusal of said mothering

Until Alastor remembered that anemic means lack of iron

iron like from meat

meat like from animals

and animal meat was his specialty!

Without another word, he left for the kitchen, only to return with a giant steak dinner (clearly bullied out of the staff in a rush), complete with mashed potatoes and vegetables and a large glass of orange juice

Literally everything Angel never eats

He refused to leave until it was all eaten, sitting back in his chair and bribing Angel with the offer to tell him a story as he finished it

And so he does, weaving a vivid tale just like back in his radio star days, complete with voices and hand gestures

Never before had Angel and Charlie ever seen Alastor quite this engaged in something that wasn’t murder or chaos; instead spinning a yarn about a boy and his magical pig who helps him to find his lost twin sister

Angel is quite enraptured, naturally, having to be prompted to keep eating a couple times, and Charlie hangs back by the doorway, absolutely beside herself internally at what’s unfolding before her

Vaggie would no doubt try to convince her otherwise later, and she may just be a princess of hell, but she knows love when she sees it dammit!

Eventually, she can sense the story’s end coming near, and as much as she wants to hear it, she wants their story to begin more, so she quietly slips away and leaves them alone

The tale indeed ends and Angel swallows the last of the drink, both quiet a moment, looking at each other

“…. Where’d ya hear that one Al?”

“Hear it?”

“Ya know, where’d you get it from? Some old fairy tale book? A movie? It’s real good and I know Molly would love that it’s basically just like us, so if ya tell me where to find it I can-“

“Nowhere. I made it up.”

“You made that up!!? Just now!?”

a small chuckle “Yes, that is what storytellers do…”

“… For me?”

Alastor pauses at that, regarding him again

“I suppose… Yes, yes that one was just for you. About you, really… with some… embellishments,” he twirls a hand nonchalantly in the air before returning it to the other in his lap “Either way I’ve never told it to anyone before, if that’s what you’re after.”

And there’s that smile again, the one that Angel never wore before today, and the one that Alastor would find himself chasing every day since, whether he realizes it or not

Part Two:

The only downside to this is now Alastor will not leave Angel alone about his iron intake

Constantly asking him if he’s had anything substantial today, pushing juices and vitamins and most of all meat onto him, sometimes holding him hostage to watch him eat it

Angel would be flattered if it didn’t interfere with his drug and alcohol habit so much

“Al, geez let up wouldya!? I’m already in Hell, why do I gotta be HELLthy too huh??” a smirk accompanied that, despite himself

the radio demon sighs “As much as I appreciate a well-timed pun, I must insist” he taps where Angel’s nose would be on a normal face “I’m already well aware that you’ll never be ‘healthy’, but I’d take conscious as a consolation prize.”

“Really?? YOU prefer me conscious??”

“Don’t flatter yourself-” he scoffed faintly “I have a hotel to endorse, and you are it’s prized resident, my opinions on the matter non-withstanding. I can’t very well have the famed Angel Dust dropping like a fly at a moment’s notice over such a small thing as malnutrition. What kind of operation would this look like if we couldn’t at least keep on top of something as simple as anemia, hmm?”

For once, Angel had nothing to return fire with, since the last time someone gave him such a convincing speech about his well-being was his sister right before his death, and he really didn’t feel like putting anyone through that agony again

Not even Alastor

After that, Angel takes whatever food Al gives him in annoyed silence, but he still takes it

Though it’s getting harder and harder to remain annoyed when what Alastor gives him starts increasing in quality

At first it’s swiped energy bars or simply juice, but then progresses to sandwiches and fruit and deviled eggs and little spinach quiches and tortes and assortments of cheeses that can’t be easy to procure down here, even with Alastor’s influence

If you cornered him, Angel would never admit it, but he actually forgot how much he missed real food after being inebriated constantly, and Al’s little treats become the new highlight of his day

He’ll even stop using some of the harder drugs so he can better taste them

Charlie would never tell them for fear of the whole thing stopping on an embarrassed dime, but she’s so so proud of them both for this little secret transaction

Angel does start looking and acting better as a result, even though he still abuses alcohol and softer drugs and def keeps his sexual nature intact

But he’s less irritable and prone to lashing out, and his coloring is brighter and his hair sleeker

He also isn’t as tired as often and hasn’t fainted at all since the first time, just feeling overall stronger and more lucid

Which he can’t really complain about even though he wants to

Part Three:

The hotel even benefits from this, some small press circulating about Angel’s newfound constitution and attributing it to their work

In celebration, one night Alastor invites him to a proper dinner at one of Hell’s most famous fancy restaurants

One where the press could easily find them if they wanted

Angel knows this is just to show off his progress but doesn’t shy away from it- for once excited to eat out somewhere and not “eat out” if ya know what I mean

Besides, Alastor doesn’t seem that perturbed to be seen in public with him either, a rare development and not one to scoff at

They both dress up nicer than normal for it, making a big show as the hotel’s representatives, even walking in arm-in-arm

Angel is not immune to the certain type of looks they get as they arrive, and wonders if he should tell Al

Seeing the man with one of his more casual and less murderous smiles on as they take their seats convinces him not to

It would be a shame to get their outfits all bloody anyway

Especially since Angel decided to return to his drag look for the evening, complete with a new skintight velvet dress, feeling far fancier all dolled up than in any of his menswear

The glances Al gives him from time to time don’t hurt either, eyes noticeably lingering on his exaggerated chest fluff each time

Something Angel has no problem with, leaning forward and accentuating it more, resting his chin on a hand lightly to prop his figure up

Alastor orders for the both of them since he knows the place better, raving about their veal and venison dishes on the way over

Earlier in the year, this might have unnerved Angel more, knowing the demon’s penchant for savagery and carnage when it came to “hunting”, but now? He found it almost charming, that Al was so invested in the meat selection of Hell’s dining establishments that he even made his own ranking system for the best places to get each type of animal, who better prepared it according to cuisine, and how each cut measured up in quality

Angel took the liberty of perusing their liquor selection to create his own ranking system, just to be fair

Would be impolite to let Al do all the work on this date after all

….. wait…..

Date???

The fork clattering to the floor jarred Angel back to his senses, realizing his elbow had slipped abruptly from its perch at the very thought, almost in an allergic reaction to the word

Al only raised a controlled eyebrow at the flustered way Angel ducked down to retrieve it under the table skirt

Which is of course the very moment the paparazzi decided to start snapping their pictures

Alastor quickly spun around at the flashing lights, smiling dangerously at them and stopping some of the more cowardly photographers, but not quite enough

Angel, oblivious, continued rooting around for the fork, all the while inching closer and closer towards Alastor’s seat

“Angel!” Al hissed, finally reaching under and putting a hand on Angel’s hair to still him. Of course not making this look any better. “Sit up. Now.”

“Wait, but I almost got it Al-ahh!”

He was roughly pulled up by the back of his dress and sat up, hair mussed and face flushed incriminatingly, only making Alastor groan in defeat at some more camera snaps

It took half a second, but Angel suddenly understood, face blank in momentary shock

Alastor fully expected him to turn it into another lewd joke, brush it off and dig the hole deeper, most certainly at the expense of his own comfort

He quickly steeled himself for the impending barrage of innuendos and unwanted touching

What he wasn’t prepared for was Angel to suddenly leave the table, storming right up to the cameramen with the angriest look he’d ever seen on the spider’s face

“Ey ya parasites!! Let me see those!” he holds a couple of impatient hands out for their cameras, still fuming

Some actually comply out of complete shock, not at all used to Angel Dust getting mad about being photographed ever, especially over anything sexual

Angel proceeds to delete the photos off the first camera… then gets more and more frustrated when the pictures just wouldn’t stop coming. After a while, he just smashes the camera on the ground in a huff

“Fuck this it’ll take too long!” he points to the remaining paparazzi with intact cameras, still shocked and clutching them “Y’all are gonna delete every SINGLE photo you took of that little misunderstanding just now, alright?? Or else I’m gonna keep smashing cameras! Got it??”

They all nod and start deleting hurriedly

“And if ANY a ya think about gettin’ wise and leaking some anyway… well… let’s just say I had a much more deadly occupation than porn star when I was alive…” his face darkens at that, putting on his best godfathers voice to hit it home “And I ain’t afraid a comin’ out of retirement temporarily… Capisce?”

They capisce

He returns to the table with a resigned sigh and combs through his wig to tame it again, taking out a compact to fix his face

Completely ignoring the stunned absence of a smile on Alastor’s

Eventually Angel dares to glance at it and gives him an involuntary cringe

“Ah... Sorry Al…” he starts slowly, stowing the compact away again in his bosom and looking down chagrined “I know I went and made a scene in your favorite place and… and yer probably real mad and all an’… oh damn, Charlie’s gonna kill me if you don’t firs-“

“-Thank you.”

“W.. wait what??”

“Thank you…” Alastor repeated, if only to assure himself he was really saying it “I… it was… I never expected you to get mad…”

“Al?”

“I thought you’d let them… run with it” he waves a hand, explaining himself, somewhat awkwardly “Especially since it… it would help you. Your reputation. To be caught with the radio demon like… like that.”

The way his voice became so small on the last two words worried Angel much more than he’ll ever admit. The way you could hear the mortification behind his smile. He always knew Al was adverse to the act but never had he seen him actually terrified by it. Paralyzed by the stark realization of how close he came to becoming its subject… even if only as a rumor

It simply emboldened Angel’s resolve

the spider scoffed lightly “Well yeah… maybe if that’s what we had been doin’… or if you were into that stuff at all…”

“What?”

“I mean we weren’t even actually tryin’! I was just lookin’ fer a dumb fork for cryin’ out loud-!“

“No… no what about… me being into it?”

a pause, and then a one-shouldered shrug “Well it’s not the same thing as a payin customer is it?… Like you don’ even LIKE sex and stuff and… it’s different when it’s just us flirtin’ and bullshittin’ around at the hotel… I know you hate that too but at least there no one ain’t tryin’ ya capitalize on yer pain. Word never gets out. No one knows just how much I get under yer skin, so it’s almost like it never happened. But these pictures…” he waved both of his right hands in unison, motioning for emphasis “They’re permanent.. and they’d only be helpin’ my reputation while hurtin’ yours…”

Alastor just continues to stare

“A-and the hotel’s… of course…”

Finally a smile returns to his face, but with no hint of anything except appreciation behind it

“Of course…”

Part Four:

The rest of dinner went smoothly

Al had indeed picked well, and the dishes were some of the best Angel had ever tasted, other than his Momma’s cooking of course

When Al made a small chuckle at even that joke, Angel knew he must’ve done something right to land this far in the radio demon’s good graces

Though it could very well be the booze’s doing

Angel had insisted on ordering their drinks to compensate for the fiasco earlier, and had created specialty cocktails for each of them, based on what they ate

He was relieved when Alastor gave a small hum of approval mid-sip, downing a generous amount with an easy smile

And then finishing off three more with dinner

Both were quite full and loose by the time they finished, even getting a small tray of beignets for desert

They found they hadn’t even argued once, save for small asides and joking prods. But really arguing? Hadn’t even crossed their minds. Instead they bonded over jazz artists they both liked, reminisced about the 30′s while filling each other in on the decades they missed, talked a bit about their hometowns, and threw some mutual shade about residents of the hotel they couldn’t stand

Turns out they had quite a lot in common…

They paid on the hotel’s tab and finally headed out to the limo, only swaying slightly and linking arms again to subtly stabilize each other

This time the paparazzi was nowhere in sight, probably long scared off by now

Which is good since Alastor had suddenly removed his arm from Angel’s to pull him in around the waist, keeping the demon from tripping over a nearby curb by pressing him further into his side. Out of reflex, entirely.

After all, it’s not like he’d ever willingly choose to close their proximity. Just like he’d never willingly choose to notice the way Angel’s chest bounced softly against his, or how four hands grasping onto him felt oddly right, or how tempting the velvet hugging the curve of Angel’s lower back became under his fingertips

He’d only occasionally felt this way about accidental invasions of personal space before, and that fact did nothing to reassure him or his nerves

Nor did the pounding of his undead heart in his ears

Angel was also feeling the tension, but for a whole ‘nother reason

Drinks always made him more forward, and having a full belly for once numbed that urge into more of a simmering lust, cozy and comfortable and heavy

Getting tangled up in Alastor’s arms suddenly only made him want one thing

One thing he was telling himself desperately not to do

Which was real hard with Al’s face so so close to his, looking back at him with his own flush dusting along his cheeks and that smile still there, but slightly parted, waiting, hesitant of what it wanted to become but open to suggestions

Suggestions that Angel had plenty of

“You… you were about to trip… my dear…” Alastor finally explained in a hush, dipping a finger into the still water between them and rippling it quietly, grip on him still firm

“…. Ah…” slowly Angel righted himself, not moving away from him, but leaning on him less “That…. that sounds like me…” he offered a lopsided grin at his own joke, daring to look Alastor in the eyes again

Looking for what exactly, he wasn’t sure

And guessed he would never find out, seeing the moment vanish underfoot with the crunch of the limo’s tires, pulling up beside them

Alastor still offered him his hand though, helping guide Angel inside first, then sliding in after

Sitting at least one person apart, the drive begins in unsteady silence, neither exactly looking away but definitely not trying to confront anything either

That is until Alastor starts to fidget with his bow tie, inexplicably feeling very warm

Deciding to simply undo it entirely and redo it looser, he starts it out like usual, but his fingers can’t seem to find their footing and keeps losing track of the last few steps

On the third try, Angel sighs dramatically beside him

“Honestly Al…”

And just like that, the spider is making use of his extra arms and tugging the whole mess loose again, faces mere inches apart as he concentrates and deftly reties it in a perfect bow, which gently hugs the base of Al’s throat as his adam’s apple bobs with a nervous kind of grace

It ends far too quickly and now there is nothing left to keep them in this close… nothing Alastor can invent to explain away how Angel’s fingers linger on the edges of the fabric, or how he wants to undo more of his clothing just for those hands to fix him up again

So he does the only logical thing he can think of

The kiss hits Angel with a sort of intensity he wasn’t expecting, feeling himself pulled in by two gloved hands on his bare shoulders, touch light but not unsure, desperate but without any urgency, simply grounding them together in this moment

Their lips moved against each other’s slowly, mounting in a gentle exploration with Angel deferring to Alastor’s lead, his lower set of hands lightly resting along Al’s hips, asking permission at first until a soft moan granted him it

Eyes fluttering closed, the kiss deepened until it became a series of many, some opened-mouthed, tongues hinting at entering but never actually doing so, and all of them amidst small noises and panting breaths, desire simmering just under the surface of it all

Angel had never kissed like this… never thought to kiss like this… the boiling heat of lust kept at bay by a promise to just make out, to just keep it at another’s pace. All the while flushing his body with a white hot pulsing want that could only wait for someone else to grant it release?? Oh he could die all over again from this torture and would only beg for more. Never getting it being it’s own bittersweet reward

Alastor grappling meanwhile with why he suddenly wanted so very much as well, why, as he clung to Angel’s soft fur-lined skin and let their mouths dance relentlessly, he never once wanted to pull away. Never wanted to run and hide in the solace and safety of the self, was all too happy to let Angel’s hands cup and hold his hips and reward him with moaning sounds he rarely ever makes

His head was swimming in it, and he was oddly eager to let himself drown

Eventually they parted, breathless and slow but mutual, eyes opening again and glossily gazing at the other, searching for silent signs of yes, no, more?, sorry?, good?

“A-Al… I..”

Fingertips graced the speaking lips to silence them again, a small shake of the head a confirmation of no apology needed. “… That was… I liked that…” He offered, smiling small and gentle for once, an acknowledgement of how very rare this had really been. How nothing about this was usual, but not necessarily unwanted

Angel was now convinced he’d died twice

“You… yeah?” he smiled back, just as hopeful

Another nod, Alastor chewing words behind his closed mouth, clearly processing something

“… I don’t… I don’t want you to get… too excited but…”

Angel surprised him with his patience

“… I have kissed before. I… actually more than that as well but...” he shakes his head to keep himself on track before he loses his nerve “It’s not often. And it’s definitely not for fun… not for just… anyone.”

Angel hopes to heaven his smile isn’t too excited

a small exhale before continuing “What I’m trying to say is…. I can’t guarantee anything. I cant... predict how I’ll feel about more… or about everything. But I can tell you that I liked this. And… I’d like to do this sometimes… with you. If you don’t push me for more…”

Two hands held Alastor’s close to his chest, squeezing them once with an earnest smile

“I promise Al. I promise I won’t push… at least I’ll really really try. I know I’m shitty at self-restraint and I won’t lie, I’m fuckin’ pent up as shit right now…” his small chuckle was met with a slightly sarcastic eyebrow, feigning momentary annoyance “But… but I really liked that too. I ain’t never… I ain’t never felt this good after just makin’ out! I didn’t know I could…”

Alastor hums a bit in amusement, hands traveling from Angel’s grip to slide gently down the sides of the velvet dress he’s poured into “Well… seems tonight was a good one for a lot of firsts…” he watched Angel’s small shiver with some glee “Though I might just blame it all on this devilish dress…”

a breathless chuckle “Oh yeah, Al? You like it that much?”

“Yes…” no hesitation as he strokes small circles into the fabric with his thumbs, just over the start of Angel’s hipbones “I’ve always been partial to velvet…. and pretty creatures wearing it…”

Their second kiss lasted all the way home

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cafecliche · 7 years ago

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Based on a brainstorming/yelling session with @mixedbird the other night: SUMMER OF MUTUAL PINING CONTENT. Or: 5 hilariously transparent excuses to touch each other, +1 they didn’t try to excuse. 1. Yuuri Katsuki wakes up much the same as he wakes up every morning lately: on his feet, in motion, with firm hands on his shoulders and the vague knowledge that he’s been upright and moving for at least the past few minutes. “Mmm,” he offers in token protest. “Yes, yes,” laughs Victor, steering him around a corner.

He squints. His glasses are on, but the world’s still bleary. “Where?” he asks, without deciding whether or not he means ‘where am I’ or ‘where are we going.’ “Breakfast! And don’t make that face,” Victor adds when Yuuri cranes his neck to squint in his direction. “‘s just my face,” he mumbles, to a rumble of soft laughter. Yuuri faces front again. It’s mostly a formality - his feet are moving, but the momentum is all Victor. He could close his eyes and move where he’s told and trust that he’s not going to fall. There are, however, other reasons to watch where he’s going. “Victor,” he says. “Hmm?” Victor says, indulgent. Yuuri points down the stairwell they’ve just passed. “Dining room.” With a long, thoughtful noise, Victor steers him in a wide U-turn and loops back to the stairs. 2. Sometimes their mutual language doesn’t adequately encompass what their bodies need to do. Today is one of those days. Yuuri sees the frustration building in the set of Victor’s mouth from the beginning. Not at Yuuri, most likely - at himself, or at the words that don’t fit neatly around the posture he’s trying to describe - but it scratches at the pit of his stomach nonetheless. I can make this easier, he thinks, as always. I’ll think of something. Don’t leave yet. Whether he senses this or not, he smiles, in any case. “I’m not describing this very well,” he says, apologetic. “Can I just show you?”

Yuuri nods, and Victor folds into the pose in one fluid motion. The relief is evident on his face. It helps to speak a language that understands you back.

He holds impressively still as Yuuri circles him, though it won’t be long before he starts to get tired. It would be inconsiderate to hold back. At least, that’s what Yuuri tells himself as he sets propriety aside and moves closer.

“Can I…?” he asks, hands hovering.

Victor makes a small sound of assent, and then a quieter, less-readable sound when Yuuri’s fingers trace the line of his shoulders, the creases of his back. He tries to think about understanding the position, mimicking it. He tries not to think about laying his palms flat and holding them still, until he can feel Victor’s heartbeat.

He can see Victor’s ribs expand and release with his breaths, and he times his own breaths quietly, carefully, like a naturalist in an unfamiliar ecosystem. Unbelievable. Who would have ever thought he’d be close enough to Victor to watch him breathe.

“Thank you.” He jerks back, as if from a stove. “That helps.”

“Oh.” Victor looks almost winded. “Anytime.”

“Can I…?” Fingertips ghost over the top of his head.

Yuuri starts to nod. Then remembers all at once what a bad idea that is.

He’s on his stomach, his face pressed into his pillow, eyes closed. The lights are already off, and the shades are already drawn, but it’s the kind of tension headache where one wrong jolt of the universe is going to make him feel sicker. The fewer stimuli, the better.

Victor’s touch goes from barely there to a firm press, starting where his jaw meets his ears – it’s where all my headaches start, he explains, barely a whisper – and moving down and through his scalp. The tightness builds as Victor reaches the base of his skull, and when he finds the knot where Yuuri’s left shoulder meets his neck, he murmurs, “There we are.”

It hurts enough, in that first moment, that Yuuri almost tells him to leave it alone, but the pressure in his head is lessening, even as Victor digs into the unbearably tight muscle. It’s pain, but it’s the kind of pain he knows to trust.

Victor finishes with the heel of his palm, a warm, solid pressure. He murmurs something in Russian – something like, “How do you do this to yourself.”

It’s the sort of thing Yuuri would apologize for, otherwise. But he’s so relaxed, he’s practically boneless. His sense of shame might as well be offline.

He laughs softly. “Even I don’t know.”

Victor’s hand stills. “I want to,” he says.

It’s the kind of conversation they have, sometimes. The kind where Yuuri doesn’t realize until very late that their conversation is broader than he knows, even if he doesn’t understand how.

“Okay,” he says. He hopes that’s the right answer.

Yuuri jerks awake and swings an arm at his pillow. It’s such deep, ingrained muscle memory at this point, it’s a full second before he knows why he did it.

His palm makes contact with Victor’s shoulder. Victor’s shoulder, which is currently his pillow. He pats it lightly in case he hit too hard.

“Our stop,” he slurs.

Victor hauls him from the train bench and to his feet, laughing. “I have no idea how you do that every time,” he says.

Yuuri blinks himself awake as they move out to the platform, the light rail sliding into the night behind them. It’s fully dark now, the stars boring holes through the hazy black.

“Reflex,” he says, with a sleepy smile. “Besides, I don’t trust you anymore.”

“Yuuri!” Victor clutches at his heart. “Just once I missed our stop, and you’re still holding it against me? I was still new to the area!”

“That, I understand.” Yuuri tries to look stern. He just ends up laughing. “I just can’t believe you didn’t notice sooner. I woke up and they were shutting the lights off.”

“They could have been clearer about taking the train out of service,” Victor grumbles. “And I was—“ His cheeks pink. “…distracted.”

Yuuri, descending the platform to the sidewalk below, misses the implication.

Victor trips, and for the third time that evening, Yuuri can vividly imagine the headlines. Victor Nikiforov, figure skating visionary and Russian national treasure, broke his neck in Hasetsu today while coaching some nobody from Japan. He will be missed.

But for the third time, Yuuri catches him.

“Yuuri!” Victor gasps. He’s so drunk. So, so drunk. “You saved me!”

Yuuri himself is just tipsy enough that the usual buzz of his thoughts feels further away. His head is clear, surprisingly quiet. It’s—nice.

“What is going on with you,” Yuuri grunts, setting Victor back on his feet. “Did you really have that much to drink?”

“Yes,” Victor says proudly. And after a moment’s thought, he adds, “And these sandals hurt.”

Yuuri glances down at the geta, perfectly coordinated with Victor’s silver and green yukata, and stammers, “They—Victor! Have they been bothering you all night?”

Victor leans in conspiratorially. “I’ve never liked shoes with the—” He makes a vague gesture. “—thing between the toes.”

Yuuri gapes. They’ve been at the festival for hours, and Victor didn’t say a thing. “You didn’t have to wear them!”

“But Yuuri,” Victor says mournfully. “Nothing else matched. And I thought they were supposed to be hard to move in.”

With a flat stare, Yuuri twirls once, then folds into the lowest backbend he can, balancing perfectly on his own geta.

“Show-off,” he thinks he hears Victor mutter.

“Anyway,” Yuuri says. “Take them off.”

Victor blinks. “My shoes?”

Yuuri takes Victor’s face in both his hands. It’s important that Victor understand this. Also, it’s possible that Yuuri is a little drunker than he thought. “I’ll carry you.”

“Yuuuuuri,” Victor giggles. “It’s not far.”

“You’ll hurt yourself. You’ve got your bad ankle.” At the blank look on Victor’s face, Yuuri feels heat prickling at his face. He’s definitely drunker than he thought. “That is—your right ankle—you sprained it the summer after your senior debut. And then again in 2013?”

Something in Victor’s face softens. His hands come to rest over Yuuri’s. “You are my fan, aren’t you,” he says quietly.

Yuuri moves to shrink back. Victor holds on tighter.

“I’m happy,” he says. “I’m your fan, too.”

Yuuri takes a slow, steadying breath. “And do you trust me?”

“Yes,” Victor breathes out. And then, for emphasis, he repeats it, twice.

Sliding his hands out of Victor’s grip, he turns and drops to one knee. His thighs are going to be in agony tomorrow. It’s for a worthy cause.

“Then get on,” he says.

(If, by some miracle, time travel was invented in that moment, Yuuri would go back and tell his teenage self that it would be okay. That one day, he’d give Victor Nikiforov a piggyback ride through the streets of Hasetsu as he yelped things like “Yuuri!” and “Amazing!” and “You’re so strong!”

His younger self would laugh in his face. But it would be worth a shot.)

Yuuri Katsuki goes to buy groceries much the same way he goes to buy groceries every weekend lately: with Victor’s hands on his shoulders, steering him through his own hometown.

“Oh, Nomura-san!” Victor calls to the little old woman with the Bichon Frise. “Ohayo gozaimasu!”

As Nomura-san waves them off, Victor steers Yuuri down a side street, determination in his voice. “Okay, Yuuri,” he says. “I think I know the way this time. Probably.”

Yuuri smiles over his shoulder. He’s not worried about it. He’s more than happy to see where Victor takes him.

#yuri on ice #yoi fic #the summer of mutual pining #writing

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philismysenpai · 8 years ago

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Soft and Safe Chapter Seven: Earned It

“I’m feeling greedy”.

Dan raised his eyebrow and looked over at his lover. They were both sat on the couch with nothing eventful happening. Where did that come from?

“What?”

Dan noted the little smirk that played on Phil’s lips as he repeated himself, an octave lower.

“I’m feeling greedy. I want my kitten.”

Dan felt as if he was in a trance as he watched the man lift the laptop he was browsing on and gently place it in his abandoned seat. His mind starting reeling as he watched the raven haired gent drop to his knees and crawl in between his legs, blue eyes glued to his and filled with desire and intent.

“What’s gotten into you?”

“My baby boy didn’t judge me when he found out I was greedy. Maybe he won’t mind it right now.”

Phil tugged Dan’s sweatpants and boxers down in one fluid motion, gawking at Dan’s flaccid length as if it were his first time playing with him.

“Ph-Phiiil. Jesus, it’s been so long.”

“I know. I need you.”

It was so alluring to hear Phil purr for him. Rose tint dusted over Dan’s cheeks as he watched the other man kiss his member in an almost loving fashion. His breath hitched as he was mouthed from his shaft to his tip, Phil sighing contentedly the entire time.

The Northerner lazily lapped at his lover for what felt like eons. It wasn’t until Dan had reached full hardness that Phil pulled away from him, cheeks flushed and his pupils blown.

“Can you be my good kitten? Can you let Daddy use you up until he doesn’t want to anymore?”

Dan bit his bottom lip and tried his best not to answer too eagerly. Phil’s tone was salacious and indulgent. Something that would sound cheesy in a porno but sounded like heaven as it fell from his lips. Dan felt like a fool, melting over his thick accent and his light kisses, but he also knew that he couldn’t resist it. He wanted Phil SO badly that he’d take literally anything that the man wanted to give him. However, it had been a while since Dan and Phil had played together and Dan wanted to show his disapproval of being made to wait so long. The younger lad tilted Phil’s chin so that he couldn’t kiss him and pulled his face closer, eyes piercing and his grin cocky.

“With how long you made me wait? What makes you think that I’d let you?”

Phil sat back in slight shock, almost as if his confidence had been shaken. Dan immediately regretted the display of arrogance and mentally cursed himself as he watched Phil stand up. Dan lost all bravado, completely prepared to beg for forgiveness just so he could be touched again. He could tell it was too late, though. Phil’s face fell, and Dan found himself looking at a colder version of his partner. He was still beautiful, but Dan felt an unbearable disconnect with the man in front of him and all he wanted was to feel the passion that was there just moments ago.

“I’m sor-“

“Stay there and put your arms behind your back.” Phil instructed flatly.

“Phil-“

“Arms. Now.”

Dan looked at his lap with shame and silently obeyed. Agony seized his body as he listened to Phil walk into his own bedroom and close the door. He wanted to grovel at Phil’s feet and apologize for stepping out of line. His pride seemed cheap in comparison to Phil’s attention. The boy was so fucking desperate for contact that he felt like he could scream, but his heart sang when he heard the door open again. The gentle footsteps tapping against the hardwood floor sounded so light in tandem to the thumping in Dan’s ears. He honestly wasn’t breathing because of the anticipation.

“Now…Let’s try this again. Can you be my good kitten?” Phil questioned, sounding aloof. Disinterested.

“Yes, Daddy.”

“Don’t call me that. You haven’t earned it.” Phil spat, making Dan cringe. Dan had never lost that privilege or any of them for that matter. How could his gentleman sound so callous?

“You haven’t earned a Daddy, but I’ll let you. Would you like that?”

“Yes, please.”

“Good boy. Now then, understand that you’re trying to earn affection…and until you do, I don’t give a shit about how you feel or what you want.”

Dan gasped in fear as his shirt was yanked forward and cold metal met his wrists. Just like that, Dan was handcuffed with no access to his arms.

“What’s the safe word?”

“Bonsai.” Dan answered.

“Good. Now, I won’t be mad at you if you need to use the safe word. Remember that, at the end of all of this, it’s your choice.”

Dan looked at Phil and saw his face soften. He looked like his regular angelic self again, and Dan felt his reservations dissipate. He wanted to be the best for Phil. He wanted to earn his Daddy back.

“Thank you.”

Phil gave Dan a quick kiss on his forehead before resuming his punishment. The transition was effortless and Dan found himself looking into cold, dead eyes all over again. The fact that this man had the ability to look at him as if he was almost repulsive destroyed Dan inside, but made him sickeningly aroused.

“Now then, do you want to be my kitten again?”

“Yes, please.”

“Well then, my kitten is going to learn obedience today.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Phil chuckled at Dan’s docile response. His fiery companion looked timid, chocolate orbs fixated on him and questioning. It was moments like this that Phil could barely remember that Dan was a mature and independent man. Right now, he just looked like Phil’s toy. Something for him to wind up and play with.

“Spread your legs, bitch. You’re going to give me what I want as soon as I say I want it. Don’t talk. Filthy animals don’t talk. Unless you’re giving me the safe word, I’m not interested in a fucking thing you’ve got to say.”

The response was instantaneous. Dan spread his legs and lifted them until his heels were planted deep into the couch cushions. Phil drank him in, eyeing his growing need and his entrance that looked to be inviting him inside.

“Who told you to lift your legs? I just said spread them. Are you trying to get me to play with that dirty little hole you’ve got? Hmm?”

Dan began rutting into the air, embarrassed and aroused. Phil seemed so disinterested in what he was doing to Dan, and the idea of being ignored was making him ridiculously horny. Phil rolled his eyes in response to Dan’s actions and shoved the heel of his hand onto Dan’s swollen head, pinning his member against his stomach and giving an extremely unsatisfying amount of contact. He relished the pitiful groans that Dan let out and made a point to smear the blurts of precum messily against his mushroom tip.

Phil kept at this for a few minutes and then removed his hand entirely. Dan’s breath was ragged, and he was shaking as if he already had an orgasm building.

“Little kitten, do you want to be played with? Is that why you’re fucking the air?”

Dan nodded furiously and canted his hips. If Phil was looking to make him desperate, he was doing a great job. The lad was already struggling to make coherent thoughts, and every rude sentence that was spoken in his direction crashed over him like waves of heat and electricity. Phil was fucking with Dan’s head. The blatant disregard for his physical satisfaction or maintaining the boy’s ego made Dan feel unimportant and needy. It was torture, but it made him feel so good that it was hard for him to not beg for more.

Phil pulled a bottle of lube out of his pocket and took his time lathering three of his fingers within Dan’s line of sight. Whines filled the room as Dan adjusted his position, trying to lift his legs more without access to his hands. The act made the elder chuckle slightly before he wrapped his clean hand around Dan’s throat, choking him roughly and slamming his head against the back of the couch. Dan struggled against Phil’s hand and felt himself smile as he gasped for air. He was rewarded with a tighter grip and a pointer finger pressing against his entrance. More than anything, Dan wanted Phil to be inside of him. The lad rocked his hips, trying everything he could to have the digit slip in.

Phil grunted and removed both hands from Dan, sneering at the submissive mess he was turning into. It really didn’t take much, and the boy looked as if he was already fucked out. Puffy, raw lips from him biting himself. Pupils wide and a full body blush. His eyes were glassy from the air restriction and if Phil didn’t know any better, he would’ve thought that Dan had been drooling on himself.

“I don’t want to listen to you whine. Be quiet or I won’t play with you at all. I’ll leave you like this.”

Dan shook his head and pressed his lips together. He didn’t want to be bad. He wanted to be a good boy and get his Daddy to make him feel good.

Phil reapplied the lube to his fingers and squirted a generous amount between Dan’s cheeks as the younger shivered at the touch. It took all that he had to not cry out as Phil started to rub at the tip of his cock, teasing more pre out of it and playing with the sticky liquid. He felt his leg muscles tighten and swallowed hard. The touches felt so good, but Dan couldn’t get enough friction to feel satisfied. As always, he found himself needing more.

“You know, that looks yummy. I think I want you to give me more of that.”

Dan didn’t get the chance to ask what Phil meant before he felt two fingers plunge deep into him, twisting inside and working together to find his sweet spot as quickly as possible. Dan threw his head back and let out a throaty moan, clenching around Phil as he attempted to process the sudden onslaught to his prostate. He could feel himself leaking again, but he had no way to relieve the pressure. He was completely at Phil’s mercy.

“There it is. All mine to lick up.” Phil continued pumping into Dan roughly and proceeded to stick his tongue into his slit, moaning loudly as he licked the pre out of him little by little. Dan had never been edged, but it felt like torturous bliss. He wanted Phil to fuck him harder. He wanted Phil to get out. He wanted to feel less exposed. He wanted his hole destroyed. All of these desires manifested themselves into Dan leaking endlessly as he squirted all over Phil’s lips. Wet, sloppy kisses and gentle sucking were switched out for broad licks and deep swallows. Two fingers turned into three as the movements became less about Dan’s prostate and more about stretching his tight walls. Phil was quite literally playing with Dan’s ability to orgasm and all he could do was watch as Phil rubbed his pre all over his lips, fingers, stubble and tongue.

Admittedly, Phil had gotten lost in the act and wasn’t checking in on Dan the way he should’ve been. He wasn’t even sure of whether or not this was even a punishment anymore. Halfway through everything, Phil’s base instincts took over and he just wanted to taste Dan. Everything about him was sweet and warm and delicious and Phil just wanted to be flooded by him.

“How does it feel, kitten?”

“I can’t take it. I feel so violated. Fuck me, please!” Dan gritted out, body glistening with sweat from exertion. Phil smiled and slowly removed his fingers, holding back a moan of his own as he stared at Dan’s puffy, abused entrance. The boy was still squirming and fighting against the handcuffs, but even the slightest touch from Phil made him moan and writhe.

“Do you think you’ve earned it? Who even said I’d let you have my cock?”

Phil looked at the panic fall over Dan’s face and felt true desire dance through his body. The idea that he could ruin Dan’s entire night by denying him made Phil’s length twitch with interest. The gent smiled and waited to see what Dan would do.

Dan looked at Phil with wide eyes and his jaw dropped. He…he wouldn’t leave him like this, would he?

“I…I need you.”

“I told you at the very beginning. I don’t care.”

Phil’s smile grew as he saw Dan’s lips quiver. In this moment, Phil knew exactly what was happening. He knew that he was falling into his head space. Phil knew Dan was going to cry because he couldn’t have him. Phil also knew that he was going to give in. He was going to take off Dan’s handcuffs and make love to his angel.

Phil also knew, at this exact second, he really was a bit of a sadist.

Phil wanted to see Dan cry over his body. For reasons he didn’t understand, he wanted nothing more than to watch this beautiful man cry and beg for release….and not just any release. Phil wanted Dan to cry and beg for penetration.

“D-daddy?”

There it was. That little, breathy, shaky voice. Phil closed his eyes and immediately kissed Dan’s temple.

“Dan, are you okay?” He asked, trying his best to sound sincerely concerned.

“Daddy…Daddy, please. Pleeeeaaaaasee….” A single hiccup fell from his lips, and then he was crying softly. Beautiful tears welling up in lovely brown eyes as Dan tried his best to snuggle into Phil’s chest.

“I’ve got you.” Phil fished the key to the handcuffs out of his pocket and released Dan as quickly as he could. He was greeted with desperate fingers trying to work at the button of his denim and steady sniffles. Phil lifted Dan’s hands to his lips and kissed his fingers.

“You’re a good boy. I’m sorry I pushed you.”

“No. We’re not done.”

“Baby boy…”

“We’re not done.” Dan pressed. Even though he was still crying, Phil could hear something that made his cock stir.

“What do you mean?”

Dan lifted his legs and held the back of his knees with his hands, presenting himself fully with his back on the sofa. He let out another hiccup and stared at Phil expectantly.

“Dan…”

“I earned it.” He said gently.

It was Dan’s turn to smile as he looked at Phil’s eyes widened and roll into the back of his head. Dan wasn’t stupid, either. He knew what Phil wanted. He wanted to punish Dan for acting as if he didn’t want to be played with. He wanted to be worshipped. He wanted to be Dan’s alpha, and Dan was he going to give him all of that.

Coos and shudders accompanied loud, wet smacking as Phil licked at Dan’s puffy rim. Dan felt his balls grow tight and heavy as Phil licked inside of him greedily. While it only lasted a few minutes, Dan knew that Phil had done that as one more reminder of who Dan belonged to. His body was claimed. Every single inch of it.

“How do you want it?”

“Rough. God, Daddy. Wreck me, please.”

Phil complied, pinning Dan’s legs above his head and sinking deep inside of him. Both men moaned, and before Phil had time to think about it, he was setting a brutal pace. The build up had been torturous for him, and all his mind was telling him to do was drill into Dan. Likewise, Dan felt like a worthless doll. Open, messy and desperate. He wanted his Daddy to do whatever he wanted. He had already won, because he had earned his Daddy back.

“You’re such a good boy.” Phil moaned out, losing himself in the filthy, wet noises coming from the boy beneath him. Dan panted as tears fell and he spread himself wider. His own member was neglected and Dan was perfectly fine with that. All of the edging had made him sensitive, and he just wanted the hard pounding of a good, deep fuck. He smiled with every deep thrust he was given, and he tightened around Phil the best that he could. His efforts were met with sloppy, deep strokes and endless praise. He was such a good boy now. Phil thought he was such a perfect boy.

“Daddy, I need you to make me messy.”

Phil slowed his pace in favor of looking at Dan. He was already pretty messy, hair curled and dried semen on his stomach.

“What do you need, love?”

Dan flashed a bright smile that completely contrasted with tears on his face.

“I wanna have an accident…and I want Daddy to get messy inside of me.”

Phil furrowed his brows in confusion. He honestly didn’t know what Dan meant by an “accident”, but he was too far gone to care. He wanted release.

“Sure, baby. That’s okay.”

Dan giggled and wiggled beneath Phil, indicating that he wanted to start again. The latter didn’t protest, hissing in satisfaction at how loose and warm Dan was as he thrust in and out with purpose. Phil was no longer in the mood to tease, and Dan was ready to break down with how badly he needed to orgasm.

It was Phil who first reached his peak, burying himself deep inside of Dan and growling as he emptied his load. He exited slowly and immediately placed his hand on Dan’s erection which was in desperate need of attention.

“No, Daddy.” Dan whined.

“What is it, baby?” Phil asked, trying his best to stay focused.

“I can’t be on the couch. I need tile.”

Phil scooped Dan into his arms and gently walked him to the kitchen. Dan took his position on the ground, placed on all fours and trembling.

“Can I still have an accident, please?” Dan asked, out of breath and whiny.

“Yes. You earned it. How can I help?”

Dan placed his face on the ground and stuck out his ass, freshly filled.

“Play with your mess, and I’ll do the rest.”

Phil licked his lips as he dipped two fingers inside of Dan, appreciating the guttural cry he was given in response. Phil didn’t even know this was a kink of his until Dan had done it the last time. Phil had a thing for cream pies and playing in semen. He knew that it was dirty, but it felt amazing and tasted amazing and the greatest part of it all was that Dan liked it too. He massaged against the boy’s sweet spot, purposely sloshing his seed around as he did it. It only took that and a few firm strokes from Dan before he was yelling and shaking violently.

Phil quickly realized what “accident” Dan wanted to have as he saw a stream of yellow leave his body and hit the white tile. Dan must have been holding it for a while and the pleasure of letting it out was enough to send him over the edge. Phil watched in amazement as semen spilled from his cock and his ass, Dan sweating and shaking and grinding into it all. Phil rubbed his back as he rode his high to completion, immediately lifting the boy and heading towards the shower when he was done. Dan was barely conscious, but he tried his best to help balance his weight and he was placed in the bath tub.

“You did so well, baby. I’ve got you now. You can take a nap and I’ll wake you when it’s time for you to get up.”

“Thank you, Daddy”. Dan mumbled, eyes closing as warm water enveloped his sore body.

“Think nothing of it.” Phil whispered as he kissed Dan’s temple and began gently washing the boy’s hair.

#phanfiction #phan #phandom #phan smut #philismysenpai #soft and safe

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trendingnewsb · 7 years ago

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24 Powerful Valentines Day Reminders If Youre Healing From A Toxic Relationship With A Narcissist

Thomas Brand

Survivors of emotional abuse, especially the type perpetrated by malignant narcissists or otherwise toxic partners, can struggle on a holiday like Valentine’s Day. Whether it was because this holiday was consistently ruined by the narcissistic partner during the relationship or because they’re still healing from the toxic relationship, self-care for survivors is essential during this time. I asked survivors the advice they would give other fellow survivors of abuse and their responses were incredibly inspiring and moving. Here’s what they shared:

1. “Louise Hay once said, “You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” You must first take care of yourself; you cannot pour from an empty cup. Love yourself; treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Indulge in something you like and don’t for one second feel guilty about it! Remember that all the ugly things they said to you were just projections of themselves. Take some time to do something just for you – whatever brings you joy.” — Sarah

2. “Celebrate your freedom. The air in your lungs. The lack of eggshells between your feet and the earth. Celebrate peace by candlelight. Remind your spirit she is more than enough and deserves to smile. Take your inner child to her favorite place, feed your inner child her favorite food, listen to her favorite music, read her favorite book, write her thoughts and dreams into manifestation. Fill her day and night with serenity and certainty that her existence is not a mistake and her presence is purposeful. She deserves these reminders, in whatever form they come, and the detachment from the everyday.” — Bernice

3. “I transformed Valentine’s Day into a celebration. I am part of and follow a great uprising that is One Billion Rising. A movement against violence against women. It is empowering to “flip the script” to change the messages you tell yourself. To examine, heal and progress towards a better life. With this great knowledge, you then can support and help others to rise.” — Sonja

4. “Celebrate the beautiful perfect whole you. Order in your favorite meal. Pick up your favorite sweet treat. Buy yourself something new and personal that makes you feel beautiful and happy-a new set of pjs, a silky robe, some nice lingerie. If you know a fellow single, regardless of age, meet up for a drink or coffee. If you are young, you can make someone older and single feel loved. If you are older, you can make someone younger feel loved. If all else fails, help someone else. Volunteer at an animal shelter or a soup kitchen, wherever help is needed.” — Jill

5. “Buy yourself flowers! You don’t need anyone to buy you flowers – buy them for yourself! It makes me so happy so I do it all the time now. I am 2 years divorced from a 15 year horribly toxic relationship!” — Rachelle

6. “Make V-day Victory Day and take time to acknowledge any personal victories, whether large or small. Let yourself be proud of your accomplishments whatever they may be. Validate them to yourself.” — Crystal

7. “If they’re still creeping around or you’re still hurting I recommend you don’t call or contact them in any way. Instead, call a friend or even a crisis line if you have to. Ignore any attempts they make to manipulate you, or get a reaction from you. Don’t look at their social media, better yet stay off of it for the day.

Treat yourself, have friends over, buy chocolate or flowers for yourself, or for a family member who could use a thoughtful gesture like that, or watch a favorite movie, binge-watch a television series, play video games, go for a hike, whatever YOU enjoy. Or, if you don’t know anymore, try something new if you’re able! Volunteer, go to the theatre, anything to stay busy and away from feeling alone with your thoughts of doubt or sadness.

This is a time to find yourself again, and pamper yourself a little. It’s okay, you need it, and deserve it.

It gets better, a little at a time, I promise. It’s a long hard road to freedom. It seems to never end some days, but it’s so worth it to be free.

I hope all of you stay safe on Valentine’s Day. Don’t let it get to you and even if it does, it’s okay! Try to keep no contact!” — Kirst

8. “I booked a spa reiki session on Valentine’s Day. Reiki re-energizes my inner warrior and gives me outstanding clarity.” — Emjay

9. “It’s Victory Day. Wear the clothes you weren’t ‘allowed’ to wear, eat chocolate, drink wine and remind yourself that there are some couples in unhealthy relationships that are ‘faking it’ for social media. Narcissists fake it to the outside world and you know the battle his new victim is fighting in private. This is happy to be free day!” — Lee

10. “Give yourself a Valentine. Treat yourself to a nice dinner, dessert or something to take care of you. You are a warrior and survivor and you owe it to yourself to treat yourself like the special person you are. Stay strong.” — Patti

11. “Pamper yourself. You are a survivor and you deserve it. Use the day to show yourself some much-needed love.” — Danielle

12. “Even though I am sad about it being Valentine’s Day, I did not believe I could feel any hope or not be in a constant state of grief when I first really started recovering. I can say now from the bottom of my heart – give yourself a chance to turn toward yourself. Get help to do it. Be as loving and gentle with yourself as possible. Don’t give up, don’t compare yourself – it’s okay. You can start right where you are and it is possible to move forward and exist and actually FEEL the pain shift, lift, move away, and lessen.

It’s happening to me and even though I’m still sad and lonely, it’s not the same agony. I am alive, I am getting better, I have a hope for a future I’m sure will have happiness once I get through some real healing. Love isn’t supposed to be painful. Let yourself feel whatever it is you feel and get through it – there is joy to be had – I just know it.” – Mimi

13. “If the narcissists in your life are your parents, remind yourself that you may have gotten here because of them but they do not deserve the credit for who you are today. That was all you. Your courage, your self-care, your energy, your ideas…. you are awesome and the self-care you demonstrate will set a great example for our nieces, granddaughters, goddaughters, stepdaughters and future generations.” — Connie

14. “I wish I had some outstanding piece of advice to give to any and every woman who’s ever experienced something like this because it absolutely breaks my heart for them. I wouldn’t wish it on a single soul. Ever. But I don’t. All I can do is share what helps me sometimes and hope that maybe it will help someone else too. I try to think about all of the terrible feelings that used to come along with the day. The uneasiness, the letdowns, and the belittling.

Even when there were nice gifts involved, the emotional price I had to pay for them wasn’t worth it. The backhanded compliments and so on. Focus on those, then try to realize how peaceful this new Valentine’s Day is. Without all of that emotional mindf*ckery. If I really start to feel lonely & falling back into that, “Maybe it is all my fault, if I hadn’t acted this way he wouldn’t have said that or maybe I really can’t just take a joke,” spiral, I have a video of us during an argument. I watch that and I’m quickly reminded to be thankful for the day as it is.” — Emily

15. “For those that were really givers, think of those little (or big) things you did to make the day or any day special for someone who didn’t appreciate it or ruined it. And then do that for yourself. Make a big special breakfast or dinner or both. Slip love notes into your lunch bag. Start a love affair with yourself. When you hear a song that might hit a chord, think about singing it to yourself. Just appreciate and love who you are and your value and your ability to love. It is helping me really grasp my value.” — Eddie

16. “Remember, he or she NEVER LOVED YOU. But it wasn’t your fault. They are incapable of love. You must believe that part. It was all a manipulation.” — Renee

17. “Remind yourself – I am okay and strong enough to do this alone! I still get sad on Valentine’s Day and it’s been 8 years but then I remember that what I thought was love was abuse and manipulation. While I might be sad to be alone, I am worth a lot more than that! Keep busy to stop yourself from dwelling on them.” — Louise

18. “Regardless of your budget, take the time to do something you enjoy or never could enjoy during the time that you were with him or her. Part of healing is self-care which leads to self-love…eventually. I am fortunate to be in a relationship now that allows me to heal and spend “me” time.

In a prior relationship, which was a more abusive and manipulative one, I was shamed for both my weight and introverted interests. Whenever I refused to go out with a crowd of people to a party, I was put down and made to feel “not good enough” over silly group outings. My point is, this Valentine’s day, whether you’re single, in No Contact with your abuser, or on the tipping point of No Contact, whatever your situation – take the time to do something you once enjoyed before you were shamed out of that self-love habit.

If you never had the chance to start, do it on Valentine’s Day. Be safe, stay strong and know even though the world feels like it is against you there are many of us ashamed and scared to start somewhere. You are worth your dream relationship. Let’s get there by loving ourselves first.” — Jessica

19. “If you’re not financially or emotionally ready for a “Love and Spoil Yourself” session, stay in your pajamas, cry, read a helpful book or Facebook page, connect with a true friend. Feel your feelings. But, stay No Contact or Minimal Contact if you have children. It is the only way to freedom and healing. Trust me.” — Renee

20. “This is a day for you. Just look at what you’ve accomplished and what you’ve survived. Be proud of yourself.” — Donna

21. “If you have an urge to romanticize your former partner, make a list of every instance he or she disappointed you, guilt-tripped you, demeaned you, made you feel worthless and crazy, said mean things to you. Read it out loud to someone. Let your list empower you. If you have a memory of a past Valentine’s Day where he did something romantic – for example, when he had flowers delivered to your workplace, think of this: it was a show for your coworkers and everyone else; it wasn’t genuinely for you.

You do not need a holiday to remind you of your worth nor do you want a partner who uses Valentine’s Day as yet another way to prove to everyone else that he’s wonderful while abusing you behind closed doors. Be grateful that sometime after Valentine’s Day when you try to voice a concern about something, you won’t have to hear “You’re so ungrateful, I got you flowers on Valentine’s Day and I took you out to dinner! I just don’t understand you! You’re so mean!” Do something that makes you feel strong and beautiful and authentically you…but do it every day, not just on Valentine’s Day.” — Hope

22. “Loneliness is not a good reason to invite toxic people back into your life. I promise, it is always better to feel lonely or around good friends and family than it is to re-open the lines of communication with a toxic, abusive person. Don’t give them any power again just because you’re single.” — Amanda

23. “Treat yourself special! Whether that means buying a big bouquet of flowers and having them delivered to yourself or taking a long hot bubble bath and really soaking in it, allow yourself to savor this day. Light candles and give yourself a warm environment to relax in. You can wear an outfit you feel confident in, some pretty shoes and some lovely jewelry.

Order a nice meal and open a bottle of your favorite wine to go with. Go to town with it. Get ready for your special “date” with yourself. Then, while eating that scrumptious dinner, think about how much you deserve this. Because you do! You are a new and spectacular you! A survivor, a warrior, you have come through the fire and been made new! A wiser, better you.” — Angela

24. “To every survivor out there: self-love is the best love. Take a “me day.” Pamper yourself and just breathe.” — Lindsay

Read more: https://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2018/02/24-powerful-valentines-day-reminders-if-youre-healing-from-a-toxic-relationship-with-a-narcissist/

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trendingnewsb · 7 years ago

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24 Powerful Valentines Day Reminders If Youre Healing From A Toxic Relationship With A Narcissist