#thanks for coming along for the ride that was 2022!

[sweetbillwriting]

Way Out of Line

TWELVE

Character: Keith Toshko from Barbarian (2022) played by Bill Skarsgård.

Warnings: 18+, NSFW, heavy themes.

It was liberating to be with Keith in Paris. We could finally act like a couple, and the Frenchmen didn't even react twice at our age difference. We could just be. Maybe me and Ludwig had looked like the perfect couple, but Keith and I were the perfect couple. Everything he did made my cheeks warm and my heart jump like a fluffy bunny among daisy flowers. He played around with me like a kid, made out with me like a teenager, but also gave me romantic moments like the perfect gentleman. That he could afford to give me everything wasn't so bad either. When I told him I had missed the tour of Notre Dame, he fixed us a private one. When I was tired of all the taxi rides, he rented a motorcycle (why hadn't he told me he had a license? Just knowing he had a license made him sexier, and seeing him on it made my loins burn like in a 1970s erotic novel). When I admired a girl’s Chanel beret, he got me the same one. He himself seemed to have the same t-shirt, just in different colors, and a pair of sunglasses with a lightly scoffed corner. He didn't look rich, but he spent his money on me like he was. 

I wore a short yellow gingham-patterned dress our last Thursday in Paris and jumped out of our taxi with a giggle. Keith ran after me, giving my bum a light spank for trying to run away from him. My class stood by the entrance door to their hotel, and I had come to join them to go to Claude Monet’s gardens and hoped Keith could come with us, or at least buy himself a seat on the bus that would take us there. I felt how they all looked at us curiously. Keith had his hand on my waist while I stood in front of the professors and guide, asking them with a big smile if my boyfriend could come along on the bus and that he would pay for everything by himself. I said it with a big smile and turned to him with a giggle. He gave me a little smirk and then looked at the professors that looked up at him. 

“Boyfriend?” Asked the female professor. I had always thought of her as a woman in her early fifties but wondered now if she was younger and she could feel that Keith was around her own age. 

“Boyfriend. Keith Toshko,” said Keith and put his big hand out for her to shake. She shook it doubtfully and gave her male colleague a look. He was probably Keith's age. He had always joked with me, but I had always seen him as just a silly older man, until now when I realized he and Keith could have gone to school together. 

“Sure… It shouldn't be a problem,” he said while shaking Keith's hand. I giggled again and hugged Keith around his waist. I interrupted him in the middle of his thank you to say my own loud, girly thank you. 

I jumped around like a schoolgirl while we walked up to Farah. I didn't think about who was watching us or what others were thinking. I just thought about having Keith close and spending time with him in the French sun. 

“Hey,” said Farah, who gave us a little nod. She had gone to the hotel earlier to see some of our other friends that now stood by her side and looked curiously at Keith. 

“Hey!” I said brightly and took Keith's hand in mine. With the same bright smile on my lips, I introduced him to my friends. Their facial expressions were mixed, but most of them seemed amused by my behavior, especially when Keith and I talked softly to each other and I did that sweet girly voice he liked and looked at him with childish pouting lips every time he said something I didn't like. We were probably quite amusing to look at because others had also turned their heads to where we stood and more or less baby talked to each other. Our hands were on each other constantly, even when the professors talked, and for a moment I could see the male professor’s disapproving look. When he talked, I stood on my toes playing with the hair in the nap of Keith's neck while his long fingers played with my shiny locks. I had that little pout on my lips because he had told me to listen to the professor instead of just watching him. We were that annoying couple, but that sexy annoying couple. 

“You're so fucking extra…” teased Farah in the line to the bus. Keith walked a bit behind me, checking his phone so he wasn't a part of the conversation. 

“What?” I said with a giggle and fixed my white headband. 

“Do you do it to provoke?” She smirked at me and looked down at our feet while we walked slow steps to the bus door. 

“What do you mean?” I smiled as broad as before. I knew she was talking about me and Keith, and to be honest, I wanted to provoke people a little. Even if Keith looked really good for his age, he looked quite a bit older than me. It was fun to play around with and make people wonder where this boyfriend came from. 

“Ludwig stared his eyes out on you. He really likes you!” She whispered so no one else would hear. 

“Ludwig? Come on! We made out a couple of times; that's it!” I whispered back. We were finally by the door, and I could feel Keith's hand on my waist. It was obvious we would sit together, I took his hands so he could follow me and we could make that happen. It started well with him hitting his head on the bus roof and both of us giggling while he rubbed his head, a bit embarrassed. 

“Are you okay, Daddy?” I said in a hushed tone. The nickname had just slipped out, but Keith didn't seem to react to it; he just gave me a kiss and steered me to continue to walk. 

“Yes, my little bunny. It's okay…” he said low and deep at the same time I met Ludwig's eyes. He wouldn't have been able to have heard what I said, but it didn't seem like that mattered because he looked pissed anyway. I rolled my eyes, hoping he would see and let Keith steer me to a seat. I giggled again when I looked at how cramped he sat in the seat, but he just smirked and pulled me closer so he could kiss my forehead. 

“Daddy's little girl…” he whispered and let his hand massage my thigh, up under my short dress.

××× 

We walked together with the others under the guided tour and tried to behave the best we could. We were extra because I talked like a little girl the whole time while Keith messed around with me all the time to make me laugh. He bit my cheek loosely and dug his nose in behind my ear until it tickled. The others ignored us after a while, even Ludwig and his friends. When the guided tour was over, Keith left Farah and me to look around by ourselves while he sat down on a bench to look out over the pond. 

“I don't know what to think really… It's obvious you're in love and that he's here for you, but… I can't just start trusting him because of that. What if what your mom said is true?” Said Farah, lowly, while we walked side by side. I smiled a little to myself because Keith's honest words had calmed me down. They weren't perfect words where he denied and proved everything was untrue, but it was a believable version, a version unflattering enough to be true. 

“We talked about it, and, yeah, some of it is true.” 

“It is?” Farah gave me a worried look, but I gave her a calming smile. 

“He's older than us. He has been through things, and yeah, he's not perfect. And he's a dirty man.” 

My cheek blossomed up to a rose red color, but I smiled a bit secretly. 

“Jaqueline…” Farah sighed. “Don't let yourself get used. You shouldn't put up with his weird fetishes because he—” 

“I like it, Farah. I like all of it. I don't care if he likes younger women and being a daddy because…” I laid my hand over my cheeks and laughed, embarrassed. “I like it just as much.” 

I had thought a lot about what he had said and knew it didn't matter because I liked his dirty side. It was a lot, especially for a girl as inexperienced as me, but inexperienced didn't mean I couldn't like it, and I did. That he had watched a bit too much porn when he was in an unhappy marriage didn't feel like something weird at all. He was a man craving dirty sex, so why would he just accept a life of celibacy? 

Keith was a dirty man, but maybe I was just as much of a dirty girl behind my good girl persona. 

Farah had stopped at one of the bridges and looked out over the beautiful view. Among all the people, it was also easy to see Keith when he stood up. Even if he was so tall, he did look like the least threatening guy in the whole place. His demeanor was soft and kind, and he moved politely out of the way for people. I smiled and giggled just by seeing him like that. Farah looked at me, then at Keith, but didn't say anything. I looked at her and got a small smile back. I interpreted it like she gave us her blessing, and I gave her a brief side hug. 

“I really need people on our side. Everyone is so judgemental.” 

Farah nodded a little and looked towards Keith again, who stood and talked with an older lady. I could see from his expression he wasn't really comfortable, and I guessed the woman tried to speak French with him. 

“Okay, okay… But I don't think my blessing means much when your parents probably will kill him if he comes close to you.” 

I gave her a sad smile but took her hand. 

“It means everything. You're my best friend and because of that, also my family. I need you.” 

She smiled at me, but it was in the same sad way as I smiled, and then she hugged me hard, like a true friend should. 

××× 

The last days in Paris were beautiful, romantic, and cozy even if it rained some, but there was a bittersweet scent in that air wherever we walked. It was the final days we could openly act like a couple, and it was obvious it pained us both. We tried to use the time well with romantic dinners, walks, and cozy nights in the big hotel bed. We also had sex. A lot of it. Keith's honesty had also made him a bit more relaxed in what he liked, and instead of me guessing what lingerie he liked, how he wanted my hair, or how to act, he told me. I came to understand he didn't like lingerie that much; a cute pair of panties he could like, but otherwise there were things he liked better. He liked me in his clothes. He liked when I took the same t-shirt he had used that day and paired it with my French braids and no panties underneath. He liked when I walked around like that so he could peek at my bum and pussy while he did other things. He liked when I acted oblivious to how horny he was; he hoped I would never stop blushing by seeing his hard cock. He liked when I called him Daddy even if we weren't in the act. 

He asked me what I liked, and to my surprise, I knew what I liked. I liked him as comfortable as he could get. If I decided, he would dress in sweats every day and skip all hair products. I liked him soft and sweet but with that intense, sexy gaze always near. I liked when he jerked off in front of me without warning me. I liked it when he tried me and did something I wasn't expecting, by ourselves but also among people. 

It was our final night together in Paris, and I walked around in the hotel room, pulling the curtains even if there was a remote for it. Every time I did, his gray t-shirt I wore lifted and he could see my bare bottom. He sat with his laptop over his thighs, doing work he couldn't ignore, but he lifted his gaze a bit too often just to see me struggle. 

“Why don't you use the remote?” He asked and laid a hand over his crotch. 

“I can't find it, Daddy,” I said with a shoulder shrug and turned to him, playing with the t-shirt in my hands. 

“Let go of the shirt; you will stretch it out,” said he authoritatively, which made me blush. 

“I'm sorry…” I let the t-shirt go that still covered me because of its size. 

“Have you looked? I haven't even seen you try to find it.” He sighed and leaned back in the white armchair he sat in. 

“I did earlier! I did!” I protested, but Keith just sighed again and put the laptop on the coffee table in front of him. 

“I know how sloppy you are. Try again and stop disturbing Daddy.” 

Keith laid the laptop in his lap again. Even if it was a game, it could surprise me how real emotions could take over and settle in me, and in that moment I got really irritated at him, so instead of looking for the remote silently, I tried to be as loud as possible, even making annoyed, silly sounds while standing with my bum in the air. I didn't know if he was watching me, but I was almost sure of it. So while searching the bed, I stood on all fours with my bum towards him, leaning forward so much he could also see my pussy. I didn't get a reaction though, so I let my irritated sounds start to sound more like moans, small pathetic moans just to get his attention. 

“I can see it,” I could hear him say with annoyance, and I peeked behind me just to see what he was doing. 

“I can see the remote.” He sat leaning back in the chair with spread legs. The hand over his crotch had bundled up the dark gray thin sweats so I could see a thick line lay up against his hip, but his face was as collected as before.

“It's under the pillow,” he said and nodded towards the pillow that usually was mine. I looked at it and could see the remote lying there, thin and in sleek steel. I looked at it for a few seconds and a stupid idea took over. It felt like Keith would take a long time to really get my attention, and I didn't have his patience, so I took the remote, and instead of using it for the curtains, I placed it between my legs and slowly started to drag it between my folds. 

“No, no, no,” said Keith behind me, and just a few seconds after, I could feel the mattress dip and him crawling up to take the remote from me. He looked at me with big eyes and then down to the remote. After the shock had left his face, he smirked evilly at me, and I realized what I had done. It was the hotel's remote and definitely not something to masturbate with. 

“Are you so desperate for attention you will fuck yourself with a remote?” Keith mocked me and laid a heavy hand on my bum that still was in the air. I thought about changing position but knew Keith would react to that. I had chosen my degrading position myself; now I would stay like that. 

“Daddy…” I whined because I didn't know what else to say. Instead of getting comforting words back, he slapped my ass hard, so hard I almost fell from my position on my knees. He did it a few times more but then dragged his hands soothingly over the blossoming color he had created. 

“Fuck, honey, there can be all kinds of bacteria and shit on that shit.” 

He turned me around and looked at me seriously. 

“Time to scrub that pussy clean, dirty girl.” 

I didn't say anything because it was still embarrassing what I had done, and I continued to be silent while he pulled the t-shirt off of me and put me in the luxury bathtub. On his knees next to me, he started to wash my pussy softly. He hadn't done anything like that since the first time we had sex, but I spread my legs and let him drag his wet, curious fingers over me. I could feel my pulse creep down there, and I couldn't stop myself from moving against his hand a bit. 

“Never get such stupid ideas again, okay? You must take care of yourself. Take care of Daddy's pussy.” 

He smiled fatherly at me, and I smiled back even if I still felt ashamed. 

“Must I wash your sweet little ass too?” He mocked me with an evil gaze. I knew I hadn't dragged the remote that low but pretended differently and nodded like I was ashamed. Keith smirked knowingly but washed and lotioned every part of me up with long, skillful fingers. His longest finger sank down my asshole while he lotioned me up, but I didn't say anything; I just smiled a little while looking at him pulling on his cock in the inside of his sweats. Finished, I stood naked in front of him, and looked at him tenting his sweatpants. Looking up at him, my eyes asked for permission to touch him, and Keith answered by pulling off his t-shirt and then pushing down his sweatpants. His cock was so hard and already wet with its own pre-cum. His balls were tight like he was already close to coming. 

“Now, girly, lean forward so Daddy can punish you for your really filthy behavior.” 

I leaned up against the bassinet and lifted a leg up to make it easier with his height. He gave both my ass and pussy a spank, but then he pushed into me roughly and held my hips so hard I could feel bruises form under his fingers. 

××× 

I pretended to be that good girl again as soon as I was home, but I kept the joy. Even if Keith and I needed to be a secret again, I still had him in my life again, and that was enough of a reason to continue to have a big smile on my lips; it was also the best way to fool my mom that everything was okay, and she would let me be without lurking in my life. 

I tried to come up with a way for me and Keith to be a couple, to not need to keep hiding, and I suspected he did too because he could be a little distant when we met at his place during the night. I went into some sort of made-up safeness and forgot that still everything could be smashed into pieces again. 

“Dismissed? What, for having a boyfriend?” 

I sat in front of the sorority committee in our common room. We sat by the long table, but I was placed on one side alone while the other girls sat on the other side, looking at me with furrowed brows. 

“I'm sorry, Jaqueline, but your behavior breaks our rules. We have heard about your behavior on the Paris trip, and it goes against our statutes.” 

I looked at them one by one and then scoffed loudly. 

“I was just having fun with my boyfriend!” 

“Yes. But in a way that we don't tolerate,” said our leader as she crossed her arms. It was clear she started to get annoyed with me. I looked at them with big eyes. They looked at me like I was street trash someone had dragged in and put on their floor. In their eyes I was a whore now because I had an older boyfriend who I made out with in public. 

“I really think you should think about if this is what you want to be. I thought you wanted a good husband and a safe home. I also think you should think about your parents; this can be embarrassing for them.” 

I scoffed again and stood up annoyed. First I had been hurt that they dismissed me, but now I was just annoyed that preppy, virgin girls thought they had the right to look down at me. 

“Think about your father—”

“Oh, just shut up; you don't care about that! You don't care about what my parents feel or think!” 

I commented loudly and put my bag on my shoulder. I looked straight at the leader that looked back at me with fake pity. 

“Yes, yes we do. That's why we called your mother before you came here.” 

××× 

I looked at my ringing phone in my lap while the tears streamed down my face. Even if my mom had a pink heart behind her name, the text looked aggressive on the screen. Everything with my mom was a bit aggressive, and I would always be a bit scared of her. Sometimes it felt like others were too, but not Keith, not at all. 

We sat together in his car. He had met me up by the sorority, and he had driven us to the nearest place I could get a hot chocolate in the middle of May. Together with it in a takeaway cup, he had bought himself a flat white, and in the parking lot we drank our drinks while the weather started to look more and more like summer. I continued to cry, and my mom continued to call. 

“Shouldn't we just go there?” Keith sighed and looked at me with big, tired eyes. 

“And say what? She will tell your wife, and then it's over for the both of us!” I cried loudly and dried my cheeks of glittery blue eyeshadow with my fingers. 

“I don't think so, if I'm being honest. I don't think she will tell her.” 

“Of course she will! Not to be vulgar or anything, but my mom is a real B-word!” 

Keith smirked and looked at me amused. 

“Really? The B-word?” 

“Yes! She is!” I said without really registering that he was making fun of my prude way of talking. Keith took my hand in his and leaned close to me. He kissed my nose and made me calm down just by putting his own nose tip against mine. 

“Let me talk to her, babe… I think I could talk to her,” he whispered, and I looked at him with big eyes, fascinated by his confidence. I nodded because I knew I shouldn't talk back to him too much; he was my Daddy after all. 

While he drove to my parents house, he held my hand the whole way there. I breathed deeply, trying to stay calm. What calmed me down the most was looking at Keith; he was completely calm and looked like he didn't have a problem in the world. I smiled a little when he did because his confidence made me believe him—that he could speak to my mom and make her keep it a secret until his divorce was final. It was so close. Keith had a way with people, and maybe he even could calm my mom down. 

He parked just outside of the house, not caring to park it in the right place or hide it. He walked around to open my door and helped me out so my short skirt wouldn't slip up. He gave me a light peck and then one more on the back of my hand before we walked up the driveway to the house hand in hand. It was he that opened the door, and it was also he that called out a hello when we stood in the hallway. I gave him a worried look and then looked down at our hands that still were linked together. He looked at me, pulling down the corners of his mouth and shrugging his shoulders, believing no one was home, but soon my mom came around the corner with an icy stare. 

“Leave our house at once, or I will call the police!” She said aggressively, but I could hear her voice break in fear. Both Keith and I looked at her in shock; neither of us were prepared for her to stand with her phone against her chest, ready to call the authorities. 

“Can we just—” started Keith, but she raised her voice and shouted at him to leave. 

“Mom,” I said weakly. I didn't want them to fight because I loved both of them, and I knew Keith just wanted to talk in peace. 

“Go to your room!” 

I looked between her and Keith, but he didn't let my hand go. 

“Giselle,” he started again, but she just waved with her phone in a pointed way. I could see Keith getting annoyed because this was not how he wanted to solve things, so after a few seconds of her trying to wave me to my room and threatening him with the phone, he took a deep breath and said with masculine power: 

“Giselle, I just want to talk. Just the two of us. Now.” 

She looked at him in shock but swallowed hard and gave in. Instead of her leading him in her home, he was the one leading her to the dining room without giving me a look. It really felt like the grown-ups would talk while I should stay to play by myself.

I tried to keep myself busy by fixing my makeup and braiding my hair, but my mom's loud voice and the deep vibration of Keith's voice made me sometimes just sit and stare towards the dining room. I couldn't hear much, just that my mom was screaming that I was just a child and that he was an awful human being. I couldn't hear if they resolved anything, but after twenty minutes they came out to me in the living room. I stood up awkwardly, like they would give me an important message. Even if they didn't say it out loud, I got a message when Keith laid his arms around me and kissed my lips. It wasn't even that dry little peck we could do in public but the more intimate kind he often gave me as a hello. 

“I’ll wait in the car…” he whispered, and I looked at him with big, confused eyes. He dragged his hand over my waist and walked out without giving my mom a look, who stood just in front of us. When I looked at her, she stood with her cheek towards us, and I guessed she hadn't wanted to look at mine and Keith's intimacy. 

“Mom…” I said as weakly as before, still scared she would scream at me, but instead she just gave me a cold look. 

“I will ignore your relationship, but your father can't know a thing, okay? This is sick, Jaqueline. He's old enough to be your father. He's one of your father's oldest friends, but—” 

“I love him, Mom,” I whined, afraid she would take him away from me even if it had just sounded like she would accept it. 

She shook her head in disappointment but then dragged her hands over her face in anxiety. 

“You can never tell your father this. I just hope you will realize what a mistake you're making.” 

She gave me a sincere look, and I looked back at her insecurely. I didn't understand what she meant, and I couldn't really believe she would let me be with Keith. 

Mom looked out the window where Keith stood waiting against the hood of his car. I looked at him too; he was looking dreamy in a crisp white t-shirt and messy, slicked-back hair in the sun. 

“Go now; don't let him wait…” said my mom to me with a sigh and turned her back to me. I looked at her petite stature for a while before walking to her side and giving her a fast hug. 

“Thank you, Mom, thank you. I really do love him!” I said with a beating heart and took my little handbag from the floor. 

“I actually believe he loves you too… I just hope that will be enough…” 

She had turned her eyes away from me again, but I was too excited to really take in what she said. Instead I giggled to myself and ran out to my boyfriend, who smiled brightly when I came out the door. 

×

[mostlysignssomeportents]

A year in illustration, 2023 edition (part one)

(This is part one; part two is here.)

I am objectively very bad at visual art. I am bad at vision, period – I'm astigmatic, shortsighted, color blind, and often miss visual details others see. I can't even draw a stick-figure. To top things off, I have cataracts in both eyes and my book publishing/touring schedule is so intense that I keep having to reschedule the surgeries. But despite my vast visual deficits, I thoroughly enjoy making collages for this blog.

For many years now – decades – I've been illustrating my blog posts by mixing public domain and Creative Commons art with work that I can make a good fair use case for. As bad as art as I may be, all this practice has paid off. Call it unseemly, but I think I'm turning out some terrific illustrations – not all the time, but often enough.

Last year, I rounded up my best art of the year:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/25/a-year-in-illustration/

And I liked reflecting on the year's art so much, I decided I'd do it again. Be sure to scroll to the bottom for some downloadables – freely usable images that I painstakingly cut up with the lasso tool in The Gimp.

The original AD&D hardcover cover art is seared into my psyche. For several years, there were few images I looked at so closely as these. When Hasbro pulled some world-beatingly sleazy stuff with the Open Gaming License, I knew just how to mod Dave Trampier's 'Eve Of Moloch' from the cover of the Players' Handbook. Thankfully, bigger nerds than me have identified all the fonts in the image, making the remix a doddle.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/12/beg-forgiveness-ask-permission/#whats-a-copyright-exception

Even though I don't keep logs or collect any analytics, I can say with confidence that "Tiktok's Enshittification" was the most popular thing I published on Pluralistic this year. I mixed some public domain Brother's Grimm art, mixed with a classic caricature of Boss Tweed, and some very cheesy royalty-free/open access influencer graphics. One gingerbread cottage social media trap, coming up:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/21/potemkin-ai/#hey-guys

To illustrate the idea of overcoming walking-the-plank fear (as a metaphor for writing when it feels like you suck) I mixed public domain stock of a plank, a high building and legs, along with a procedurally generated Matrix "code waterfall" and a vertiginous spiral ganked from a Heinz Bunse photo of a German office lobby.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/22/walking-the-plank/

Finding a tasteful way to illustrate a story about Johnson & Johnson losing a court case after it spent a generation tricking women into dusting their vulvas with asbestos-tainted talcum was a challenge. The tulip (featured in many public domain images) was a natural starting point. I mixed it with Jesse Wagstaff's image of a Burning Man dust-storm and Mike Mozart's shelf-shot of a J&J talcum bottle.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/01/j-and-j-jk/#risible-gambit

"Google's Chatbot Panic" is about Google's long history of being stampeded into doing stupid things because its competitors are doing them. Once it was Yahoo, now it's Bing. Tenniel's Tweedle Dee and Dum were a good starting point. I mixed in one of several Humpty Dumpty editorial cartoon images from 19th century political coverage that I painstakingly cut out with the lasso tool on a long plane-ride. This is one of my favorite Humpties, I just love the little 19th C businessmen trying to keep him from falling! I finished it off with HAL 9000's glowing red eye, my standard 'this is about AI' image, which I got from Cryteria's CC-licensed SVG.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/16/tweedledumber/#easily-spooked

Though I started writing about Luddites in my January, 2022 Locus column, 2023 was the Year of the Luddite, thanks to Brian Merchant's outstanding Blood In the Machine:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/26/enochs-hammer/#thats-fronkonsteen

When it came time to illustrate "Gig Work Is the Opposite of Steampunk," I found a public domain weaver's loft, and put one of Cryteria's HAL9000 eyes in the window. Magpie Killjoy's Steampunk Magazine poster, 'Love the Machine, Hate the Factory,' completed the look.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/03/12/gig-work-is-the-opposite-of-steampunk/

For the "small, non-profit school" that got used as an excuse to bail out Silicon Valley Bank, I brought back Humpty Dumpty, mixing him with a Hogwartsian castle, a brick wall texture, and an ornate, gilded frame. I love how this one came out. This Humpty was made for the SVB bailout.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/03/23/small-nonprofit-school/#north-country-school

The RESTRICT Act would have federally banned Tiktok – a proposal that was both technically unworkable and unconstitutional. I found an early 20th century editorial cartoon depicting Uncle Sam behind a fortress wall that was keeping a downtrodden refugee family out of America. I got rid of most of the family, giving the dad a Tiktok logo head, and I put Cryteria's HAL9000 eyes over each cannonmouth. Three Boss Tweed moneybag-head caricatures, adorned with Big Tech logos, rounded it out.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/03/30/tik-tok-tow/#good-politics-for-electoral-victories

When Flickr took decisive action to purge the copyleft trolls who'd been abusing its platform, I knew I wanted to illustrate this with Lucifer being cast out of heaven, and the very best one of those comes from John Milton, who is conveniently well in the public domain. The Flickr logo suggested a bicolored streaming-light-of-heaven motif that just made it.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/01/pixsynnussija/#pilkunnussija

Old mainframe ads are a great source of stock for a "Computer Says No" image. And Congress being a public building, there are lots of federal (and hence public domain) images of its facade.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/04/cbo-says-no/#wealth-tax

When I wrote about the Clarence Thomas/Harlan Crow bribery scandal, it was easy to find Mr. Kjetil Ree's great image of the Supreme Court building. Thomas being a federal judge, it was easy to find a government photo of his head, but it's impossible to find an image of him in robes at a decent resolution. Luckily, there are tons of other federal judges who've been photographed in their robes! Boss Tweed with the dollar-sign head was a great stand-in for Harlan Crow (no one knows what he looks like anyway). Gilding Thomas's robes was a simple matter of superimposing a gold texture and twiddling with the layers.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/06/clarence-thomas/#harlan-crow

"Gig apps trap reverse centaurs in wage-stealing Skinner boxes" is one of my best titles. This is the post where I introduce the idea of "twiddling" as part of the theory of enshittification, and explain how it relates to "reverse centaurs" – people who assist machines, rather than the other way around. Finding a CC licensed modular synth was much harder than I thought, but I found Stephen Drake's image and stitched it into a mandala. Cutting out the horse's head for the reverse centaur was a lot of work (manes are a huuuuge pain in the ass), but I love how his head sits on the public domain high-viz-wearing warehouse worker's body I cut up (thanks, OSHA!). Seeing as this is an horrors-of-automation story, Cryteria's HAL9000 eyes make an appearance.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/12/algorithmic-wage-discrimination/#fishers-of-men

Rockefeller's greatest contribution to our culture was inspiring many excellent unflattering caricatures. The IWW's many-fists-turning-into-one-fist image made it easy to have the collective might of workers toppling the original robber-baron.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/14/aiming-at-dollars/#not-men

I link to this post explaining how to make good Mastodon threads at least once a week, so it's a good thing the graphic turned out so well. Close-cropping the threads from a public domain yarn tangle worked out great. Eugen Rochko's Mastodon logo was and is the only Affero-licensed image ever to appear on Pluralistic.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/16/how-to-make-the-least-worst-mastodon-threads/

I spent hours on the sofa one night painstakingly cutting up and reassembling the cover art from a science fiction pulp. I have a folder full of color-corrected, high-rez scans from an 18th century anatomy textbook, and the cross-section head-and-brain is the best of the lot.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/04/analytical-democratic-theory/#epistocratic-delusions

Those old French anatomical drawings are an endless source of delight to me. Take one cross-sectioned noggin, mix in an old PC mainboard, and a vector art illo of a virtuous cycle with some of Cryteria's HAL9000 eyes and you've got a great illustration of Google's brain-worms.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/14/googles-ai-hype-circle/

Ireland's privacy regulator is but a plaything in Big Tech's hand, but it's goddamned hard to find an open-access Garda car. I manually dressed some public domain car art in Garda livery, painstakingly tracing it over the panels. The (public domain) baby's knit cap really hides the seams from replacing the baby's head with HAL9000's eye.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/15/finnegans-snooze/#dirty-old-town

Naked-guy-in-a-barrel bankruptcy images feel like something you can find in an old Collier's or Punch, but I came up snake-eyes and ended up frankensteining a naked body into a barrel for the George Washington crest on the Washington State flag. It came out well, but harvesting the body parts from old muscle-beach photos left George with some really big guns. I tried five different pairs of suspenders here before just drawing in black polyhedrons with little grey dots for rivets.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/06/03/when-the-tide-goes-out/#passive-income

Illustrating Amazon's dominance over the EU coulda been easy – just stick Amazon 'A's in place of the yellow stars that form a ring on the EU flag. So I decided to riff on Plutarch's Alexander, out of lands to conquer. Rama's statue legs were nice and high-rez. I had my choice of public domain ruin images, though it was harder thank expected to find a good Amazon box as a plinth for those broken-off legs.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/06/14/flywheel-shyster-and-flywheel/#unfulfilled-by-amazon

God help me, I could not stop playing with this image of a demon-haunted IoT car. All those reflections! The knife sticking out of the steering wheel, the multiple Munsch 'Scream'ers, etc etc. The more I patchked with it, the better it got, though. This one's a banger.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/24/rent-to-pwn/#kitt-is-a-demon

To depict a "data-driven dictatorship," I ganked elements of heavily beribboned Russian military dress uniforms, replacing the head with HAL9000's eye. I turned the foreground into the crowds from the Nuremberg rallies and filled the sky with Matrix code waterfall.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/26/dictators-dilemma/#garbage-in-garbage-out-garbage-back-in

The best thing about analogizing DRM to demonic possession is the wealth of medieval artwork to choose from . This one comes from the 11th century 'Compendium rarissimum totius Artis Magicae sistematisatae per celeberrimos Artis hujus Magistros.' I mixed in the shiny red Tesla (working those reflections!), and a Tesla charger to make my point.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/28/edison-not-tesla/#demon-haunted-world

Yet more dividends from those old French anatomical plates: a flayed skull, a detached jaw, a quack electronic gadget, a Wachowski code waterfall and some HAL 9000 eyes and you've got a truly unsettling image of machine-compelled speech.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/02/self-incrimination/#wei-bai-bai

I had no idea this would work out so well, but daaaamn, crossfading between a Wachowski code waterfall and a motherboard behind a roiling thundercloud is dank af.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/03/there-is-no-cloud/#only-other-peoples-computers

Of all the turkeys-voting-for-Christmas self-owns conservative culture warriors fall for, few can rival the "banning junk fees is woke" hustle. Slap a US-flag Punisher logo on and old-time card imprinter, add a GOP logo to a red credit-card blank, and then throw in a rustic barn countertop and you've got a junk-fee extracter fit for the Cracker Barrel.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/04/owning-the-libs/#swiper-no-swiping

Putting the Verizon logo on the Hinderberg was an obvious gambit (even if I did have to mess with the flames a lot), but the cutout of Paul Marcarelli as the 'can you hear me now?' guy, desaturated and contrast-matched, made it sing.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/10/smartest-guys-in-the-room/#can-you-hear-me-now

Note to self: Tux the Penguin is really easy to source in free/open formats! He looks great with HAL9000 eyes.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/18/openwashing/#you-keep-using-that-word-i-do-not-think-it-means-what-you-think-it-means

Rockwell's self-portrait image is a classic; that made it a natural for a HAL9000-style remix about AI art. I put a bunch of time into chopping and remixing Rockwell's signature to give it that AI look, and added as many fingers as would fit on each hand.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/20/everything-made-by-an-ai-is-in-the-public-domain/

(Images: Heinz Bunse, West Midlands Police, Christopher Sessums, CC BY-SA 2.0; Mike Mozart, Jesse Wagstaff, Stephen Drake, Steve Jurvetson, syvwlch, Doc Searls, https://www.flickr.com/photos/mosaic36/14231376315, Chatham House, CC BY 2.0; Cryteria, CC BY 3.0; Mr. Kjetil Ree, Trevor Parscal, Rama, “Soldiers of Russia” Cultural Center, Russian Airborne Troops Press Service, CC BY-SA 3.0; Raimond Spekking, CC BY 4.0; Drahtlos, CC BY-SA 4.0; Eugen Rochko, Affero; modified)

[soongtypehuman]

Boo-hoo update

I’m sorry to say I have an update I was hoping to not ever have to make. Some of you already know that I have some serious health issues, but I've been pretty quiet about the extent of what I'm dealing with.

The gist of it is that I have a rare bone disease called fibrous dysplasia that turned certain bones in my skull into tumors and then those tumors grew inward and started crushing my brain, so I had a craniotomy last year to remove as much as was safe and got a cool new titanium implant in my head to replace the removed bone/tumor. The unfortunate result was encephalomalacia, which is the end stage of liquifying necrosis, and now part of my brain is liquid instead of solid (it’s dead, in a nutshell). Most people don’t survive encephalomalacia, much less remain able to function, and most who survive the initial stage don’t survive the three year mark. Even when you do survive it, it often continues spreading. The last MRI showed it had already taken over about 1/3 of my brain. But I’m a stubborn asshole and am still hanging on.

Unfortunately, things aren’t getting better.

I have to have constant MRIs, EEGs, physical and cognitive therapies, and have been on more meds than I’d like to be in order to control seizures and various cognitive issues. I didn’t mention this before, but I had to go through a series of speech therapies just to learn to talk properly again. And the most unfortunate part of this is that my ability to write has been affected. Since the surgery over a year ago, I’ve only made 10 new posts in the Positronic Rivalry series, totaling around 87k words. For reference, I posted over 200k words in 2022. I’ve posted even less this year, and it’s not improving.

With that said, I have to take a step back. I’m not quitting and I’m not walking away from the fandom. I’d like to think I’ll still be able to post here and there. I just don’t know when and under what circumstances that will happen. I most certainly can’t handle the longer multi-chapter fics I once could. Maybe one day, but not this day. Since I started posting on AO3 back at the end of 2021, I’ve posted every Sunday more often than not. I’m sorry to say I can’t make that happen right now, and can’t say when I’ll post again or what it will be. I won't be able to continue with season 4.

But I’m most definitely not leaving the fandom and the people and the characters I love so much. I’ll still be here interacting and posting when I’m able. This fandom and the people in it are incredible and mean a lot to me. Data and Lore and Star Trek in general are integral to my life and general enjoyment.

But!! I’ve nearly completed compiling seasons 1-3 of Positronic Rivalry as well as 2022/23 Kinktobers into files that will be ready to print in physical book format (completely free, obviously), which I’ll make available for everyone to download in various print sizes, complete with covers, which you can then have printed at various POD sites if you’re so inclined. Digital versions will also be available (you can already download various formats from AO3, but they’re not compiled into seasons, don’t have covers, etc.).

I’m also continuing with the Trek-themed crossword puzzles because those are fun and my therapist thinks making them is good for my cognitive rehab.

This update is a massive bummer for me, but I felt it was better to just admit my limitations instead of constantly trying to convince myself that I could continue the way I had been pre-surgery and beating myself up when I couldn’t.

Lastly, I’ve finally taken the suggestion I’ve gotten repeatedly and set up a KoFi. If you’d like to buy me a coffee or toss a coin to your android porn witcher, you can do so right here and I’d be giggling and kicking my feet in gratitude.

Anyhow, I want to thank all of you for being amazing and coming along on this ride with me for as long as you have, and for as long as it might continue in whatever form it takes.

[forbidding-souda]

Hey >:))

Could you write some hcs for Teruteru, Gundham and Sonia with a Brazilian s/o? <3

THANK YOU!! 💗💞💗💖💗💖

— 🐭🌙

Teruteru Hanamura, Gundham Tanaka, and Sonia Nevermind with a Brazilian S/O headcanons

this took me so long for no reason too anyway pov me trying my best yk what's funny, this request is from august 16 2022 and we still talk and i think that's amazing hai mouse i love you i kept the info you gave me in my inbox all these years

-Mod Souda

Teruteru Hanamura

♥ His mother is absolutely in love with you. She loves your laugh and your smile and all the stories you tell (and the bright look in your eyes as you tell them).

♥ You get along with his mother so well that he becomes the third wheel.

♥ Obv but bomb ass churrasco.

♥ Date idea but you two cooking together and he'll teach you Japanese dishes.

♥ His life has been much more interesting since he's met you. Usually, he's over-worked with the amount of jobs and responsibilities he's piled onto himself. You have a lot of soul and life when it comes to socials and situations in which you feel comfortable. He likes having people with good energy around.

♥ The positive attention he constantly gives you is so charming. You love talking about your culture and he loves learning.

♥ If he can convince his family to come to Brazil you need to give a tour (he will force you to give a tour).

♥ O carro do sonho pulls up and his siblings start tweaking.

♥ You should have a fun get together by walking through the streets at night and seeing all the light up buildings. Imagine how excited he would be, explaining everything he knows to his mom.

♥ Take them to the Mercado Municipal.

♥ They're gonna be scared of the stray dogs though.

♥ ^ He'll feed them and becon them closer to scare his siblings.

♥ His siblings start flirting with random people.

♥ Anyway, beside his family.

♥ See look his outfit is already white so it's perfect (and he's gonna rock the red underwear, you already know).

♥ He's going to give you flowers every time he comes to visit you. It's small romantic gestures that he's trying his best on. He wants to be more of a romantic person, especially with you.

♥ But he's still a little weird like he's gonna use your stuff in the shower as if he didn't pack his own.

♥ He's also going to leave his hair stuff all over your counter I hope you don't mind :).

♥ Bomb ass breakfast every day, though. He'll make sure to wake up before you so he's able to make you something nice. It's his treat for your hospitality (and your love).

♥ But before you eat you have to give him a kiss. Bon appétit.

.

Gundham Tanaka

♥ Has no idea what's going on ever but it's fine because he's a good listener.

♥ You've told me that most Brazilians don't know how to dance and Gundham doesn't either so wow you guys would get along so well.

♥ He hasn't brought his dark devas with him because he's worried about the plane ride there. And even though he is literally an Ultimate, flights don't want him being hamsters on board.

♥ He'll still facetime Sonia so he can read them to sleep.

♥ He talks about them and how he misses them a lot but it's okay he's going to find sanctuary with the dogs outside.

♥ He loves the stray dogs. He'll walk up to them and you'll watch as they mellow once they see him. You'll go home and a pack of many different breeds are just following you. They're yours now. Welcome to the family.

♥ Show him the paintings and street art around. Show him all of the things you're interested in and he'll log it into his memory.

♥ With the warm weather, you get to see him in just his short sleeve ha ha ha (he's so sexy raaaa imagine his biceps).

♥ He's your scary dog privileges to walk at night. He'll probably embarrass you though by threatening people in English about dark magic.

♥ He's not much of a drinker but you can get him to take sips from your quentão if you're dying for him to taste it.

♥ He's visited with no real plans in mind.

♥ He's so introverted so he'd prefer to spend his time inside of your house so he can get away from others.

♥ Oh my god random ash but teach him about some Brazilian folk.

♥ He'll relax in your living room with the 2849234 dogs he's brought home.

♥ He will sit with you and watch the carnival though. He likes seeing things second-hand. It's a far better experience than being there with all of the people.

♥ The fun of traveling thrives on social interactions and outdoor adventures, and none of that matters as much as being with you. Whatever you two do, whether it's walk through the city or sleeping all day, as long as you are close enough to kiss, he's chill.

♥ Peace of mind in the subtle beauty of you. 

♥ The best part of his visit for you was when you woke up to his arm wrapped around you. You know that he is hesitant towards trust, so when you woke up and felt the warmth of his body, you were too scared to move in case you'd wake him up and it would stop.

.

Sonia Nevermind

♥ She probably speaks Portuguese.

♥ When she learns you're from Brazil she instantly busts out her language skills. She still has an accent, however, and it's cute considering her vocal tone.

♥ Has she ever been to Brazil? No. Does she know much about it? Not exactly. Does she speak Portuguese? Yes.

♥ She talks like a grandma sometimes though.

♥ You're going to have to teach her your city-specific lingo though. You're gonna call a sausage a salsicha and she's gonna blink at you.

♥ She loves traveling and different cultures so you bet she's gonna be over there for weeks at a time.

♥ She likes the sincerity when it comes to sports; soccer. It interests her that people can be so passionate about certain things that her country has no specific favoring for.

♥ Malls. She will love to go to malls with you. All sorts of different forms, whether interior or ones with exterior stores. Big restaurants nearby, she will love them.

♥ The two of you can have conversations back and forth in both Portuguese and English. It'll be quick how she can learn your accent and your terminologies.

♥ She'll try not to sound pretentious when she explains your own culture to you and all the things she learned about it. She knows niche things like the history of religion, the art she's seen, and the museums she wants to go to.

♥ She is going to force you to go to stereotypical tourist attractions.

♥ Especially the museums. She'd move into the museums if she could.

♥ O carro do sonho makes her eyes light up like diamonds.

♥ She's just obsessed with all the famous spots, she'll want you to take her everywhere.

♥ You stare at her face whenever she stares around in wonder. You've seen these things in your everyday life, but she looks around your city like she's seen Heaven. She's so beautiful, especially when she's close enough for you to wrap your arms around.

♥ She'll keep a picture of you in a cute antique locket necklace awwww. She misses you so much when she has to go back to her country.

♥ Gift her jewelry or some clothes and she'll wear them around her island. Whether they're related to Brazil or not, she'll sport anything you give her. She loves you and will never be able to stop talking about it to people who ask.

♥ She would gift you something crazy like a golden pocket watch or something.

[oflights]

2023 fic review!

ahhh thanks for tagging me, @citrusses and @oknowkiss! i'm going to tag @teledild0nix @elskanellis @arminaa8 @thecouchsofa @stationintern and anyone else who'd like to do this!!

my 2023 AO3 stats are...alarming lol. AO3 counts Close Behind as a 2023 fic because i finished posting it in 2023, but i really wrote it all in 2022. so if we discount that (which was 134k) i still wrote...over 330k words of fanfiction. 🆗🆒

do i have regrets? no. should i have regrets? maybe??? in any case, 2023 was the year i really started using tumblr for fandom again (thanks, elon!) and i made so many wonderful friends who were so supportive and inspiring! that word count is all your fault, basically.

here's the (all drarry) damage:

January

Close Behind (134k words, M)

To rescue Draco from the Underworld, Harry has to look forward. Unfortunately, Draco has to look back.

February

find a new place to be from (47k words, E)

Something is wrong with Malfoy Manor, and it’s driven Draco into the Muggle world. Thankfully, Harry is now on the case. A story about houses that haunt you and homes built for two.

April

along each garden wall (61k words, E)

Draco has to have a baby (or have one on the way) at the time of his fast-approaching 35th birthday, or he's going to lose his home to his vile cousin. Harry offers to help, but their complex past—even beyond Hogwarts—prompts Draco to set out on a long journey of friendship, kittens, gardens, motorbike rides, and more.

May

the first in line (29k words, E)

Harry finds out he's a Veela. That's not so bad, and then he finds out his allure only works on his enemies. Even that's not so bad, since his safe, boring, post-war life means he doesn't have very many enemies these days. And then Draco Malfoy lands a hot air balloon in his front garden, intent on courting him.

June

please come to boston, Byzantine, and go to it laughing

(tumblr prompt fics! i was not good at this lol)

August

Cool About It (16k words, M, for @hp-bodiceripper)

Harry is so excited for his first date with Draco. But what follows isn't so much a date as it is an all-night odyssey including a malevolent lift, a Gringotts heist, a Sleeping Curse, a trip to the kebab shop, a lack of dancing, a Muggle drug, a rooftop pool party, a black eye and, eventually, a sunrise over a Quidditch stadium.

October

if the bees know (19k words, T, for @hd-fan-fair)

Scorpius' playground is haunted, Harry specializes in helping ghosts pass on, and Draco just wants his son to be safe.

December

The Star Splitter (WIP, 119k words so far, E)

On a routine time travel assignment to the past, Draco stumbles upon 7-year-old Harry Potter and witnesses his neglect and mistreatment by the Dursleys. In the moment, there is only one solution, even if it goes against all his training as a Time Agent: he has to bring Harry back to the future with him. In which Draco burns his life down for the sake of his former school rival.

[joelsfavouritegirl]

May i request some... dirty hc's 🙈

Also, there is not enough fic about pixel joel :( When did you start getting into tlou?

oh em gee yes absolutely!!! i’ve been thinking about writing some nsfw hcs but js haven’t done it yet😭😭 also i’m so happy that people are actually sending requests, please do i’ll be happy to write whatever ya’ll want

and i completely agree that pixel joel has been neglected since the show came out:(( i randomly started playing pt1 during the summer of 2022, completely fell in love with it and have been a fan ever since<33

i hope i did some justice with this, not sure how it turned out but fingers crossed yk, ty again for the request<333 ok enough rambling

here are some more pre-outbreak!joel headcanons (but this time they’re 18+)

. ladies man through and fucking through, i’ll die on this hill if need be

. let’s be honest when ya’ll started dating you most probably ended up at one of each other’s houses after the third/fourth date. joel was dropping you off, being all gentlemanly and sweet as he is and what harm could a little kiss do right? one thing leads to another and he’s got you against the wall of the entrance hallway, hands lifting up your sundress as his fingers steadily pump in and out of your cunt (along with his tongue that slides across your swollen clit) and by the end of the night you’re both sweaty and panting on your bed when he slips out of you, pressing more sweet kisses to your lips

. i’d say young joel is kinkier and probably has a higher sex drive than post-outbreak!joel. just say the word and he’s down, whether it’s a quickie or if he can take his time with you, unless he’s tired after a long day at work which is when you’ll end up in between his legs on the floor in front of the couch sucking him off until he’s coming down your throat and grunting how you look ��fuckin’ gorgeous with my cock in your mouth, baby” and “atta girl, just like that”

. doesn’t understand guys who don’t like eating pussy. what the fuck do you mean you don’t like eating your girl out??? joel would die a happy fuckin man in between your legs if he could, man can go to town for as long as you need (or as long as he wants to). loves seeing how you squirm and the little sounds you make when he’s making you feel good. he’ll have made you come three times when he looks up at you as you whine about how it’s too much. “c’mon sweets, you can give me one more, i know you can, hm?” he hums against your clit, his fingers knuckles deep inside your cunt as he curls them at that spot that makes you moan and tug on his hair. he just smiles, flattening his palm against your stomach to stop you from moving too much, “that’s my girl”

. loves seeing you suck him off. y’know what gets him coming in a few minutes? seeing your pretty lips wrapped around his cock, your hands pumping the parts of him your mouth can’t reach and those goddamned doe eyes you give him as you blink through your eyelashes. it makes him lose the little self-respect he has and whimper as he’s coming down your throat

. apart from eating you out this man lives for thigh riding. loves holding your hips or waist as you rut against his jean-clad thigh, your head leaning into the crook of his neck as you whimper how you’re about to come. after you calm down he’ll usually curl one large hand around your hip and the squeeze the flesh of your thigh with the other, rocking you against his leg again and pressing sweet kisses to the side of your head. “that’s my good girl. made a fucking mess all over my pants. you wanna go again, pretty thing?”

i need to be sedated (or fucked by this man) thank u good night<33

[bleue-flora]

just realized i’ve been following your work for over 2 and a half years

Wait… really?! Have I even been here that long? Wow. You must have been here from the beginning then. Well, for real, thank you for sticking around and supporting me. :) It’s been a crazy ride, anon, and I’m glad I have been able to entertain you along the way. <3 <3 <3

Yeah, I just checked and looks like I posted the first chapter of my first ever fanfiction on November 5, 2022 after being encouraged by @monsoonrays to post the scene I wrote of Dream’s Twitter space scrapped lore because I just wanted to know what it could have been like and since I didn’t find many people writing it, I decided to do it myself lol. I didn’t necessarily plan on sharing it though, it was more so just for me and I never intended to write more, the other three chapters just kinda happened after the Las Nevadas stream gave me staged duo brain rot (I’ve never recovered)…

But ya know I figured maybe what’d be really fun to look at, now that we’re getting all nostalgic, is my very first draft just to see how far I’ve come and just to say, don’t let your grammar or verbiage or whatever keep you from writing, because you can edit, and improve, and get help, and ya know it’s also okay to have scuffed grammar or not be the best writer. For years I didn’t write because I thought I couldn’t, that I was bad at it, that I wasn’t creative enough, that my grammar and spelling were too bad to be a writer. And now, despite adhd, dyslexia, and a reading comprehension disorder, I have posted 182,135 words to ao3. In large part thanks to y’all’s support and encouragement and appreciation. <3 <3 So, to anyone who needs to hear this, don’t let your weaknesses hold you back. I thought I couldn’t write, I thought I couldn’t draw people, I thought I couldn’t make a cool YouTube video. And yet, here I am, over 2 years later, with 4 figure art pieces, 9 ao3 posted works and a couple cool YouTube videos (not to mention a crap ton of Tumblr essays lol…)

And without further or do let’s go back to the beginning, back to my brain in October 2022, during the height of senior engineering midterms and still recovering from a concussion…

Scrapped Lore - Ch 1 of Hell in a Box

————————————————————

Thoughts racing in his head as he follows the coords his ally has provided. The gentle wind brushing surprisingly cold sand against his armor. A feeling of confidence and protection engulfing him with his netherite. His smug grin hidden under the mask. He didn’t have this before. Let’s see how Quackity does in a fair fight. Before he knows it, he’s arrived at his destination. A stair case before him leading to what appears to be an underground base. Quackity’s name tag is below, so Dream enters. Despite the growing unease in his chest. Despite the fear creeping its way up his body. He ignores the warnings of the inside voice telling him to run, as he pursues, revenge consuming his mind.

He makes his way down the stairs into the darkness and before he can even think or take in his surroundings, it’s raining potions, the all too nostalgic sound of glass shattering, running a shiver down his back. Weakness. Blindness. Nausea. Harming. His knees buckle, his body collapses. The world appears to be spinning as if tilted on its axis. His vision begins to go dark, and he just hopes that what he sees is a drug caused hallucination. That the rough dark obsidian and the old familiar room is just his mind running with panic, playing tricks on him, joining the chemicals swimming through his veins. It wasn’t.

Slowly Dream’s mind begins to make its way back to consciousness and into his body. Before he opens his eyes, he can feel the thick coarse texture of rope wound tight against his skin. From head to toe he’s tied in a cruel-fully painful manner. In what seems to be a rather excessive amount of rope. Almost as if the person or persons were deeply afraid of his escape. They are right of course to be afraid. He’s not the bloody, weak, frail thing he was in prison. Well not completely, anyways. Around his neck, lies rope tightly attached to his hands, constraining a good amount of his already limited air flow. Adding to the anxiety and panic making its way through his lungs. He’s completely restricted in his attempts to escape, all movement tugging at the rope around his neck. He can’t breathe. His hands pulled through the wooden bars of the back of a chair, tied behind him and the oh so nostalgic feeling of the wooden chair beneath him. Well, ain’t this familiar. It’s not made for torture though, no armrests to bind his hands for removing nails, no smell of blood stains on the wood. Yet. But it’s not The chair, and as pathetic as it sounds he can’t help but be a little comforted by that fact. That observation keeping him sane. It’s not the same. It’s not the same. It’s not the same. He’s not back. He made it out. He’ll make it out again. Maybe.

Thrown out of his thoughts, he realizes that he can hear voices. Through his head is pounding headache, a likely result from the shear about of drugs in his system, he can make out the distinct voice of Quackity and Sam speaking on what to do with him. What he wouldn’t give to never hear their voices again. Never hear his name from their lips. Yet here he is, again, tied to a godforsaken chair ready for another session with his tormentors. Armor-less. Alone. Helpless. It’s like nothing has changed, his weeks of healing vanished at the scene. He can’t make out the whole conversation but focusing he make out, “Should we just kill him?…Can’t put him back now….We should kill him the same way he did you…Don’t you want revenge, Sam?...I say it’s time for someone else to lose an eye to a fucking pickaxe!... Let’s do it with the same one, his, oh the irony!...” His ears specifically pick up the all too familiar, sadistic gleeful tone of Quackity, sending an involuntary shutter through him. As he feared, they’re going to kill him. What a waste, months of torture, isolation, starvation and for what? For them to put him out of his misery now. What’s the point? It can’t have all been for nothing! He can’t have made it through this year, just to die here, bound to this chair at the scene of his endless nightmares, like he never left.

He hears footsteps leading away from him, an angry yet cheerful rhythm that he immediately recognizes as Quackity. Despite the circumstances, he can’t help but feel relief at the distance gained between him and his torturer. The nostalgic sound of redstone activating, signaling his exit, and probably bringing down the lava wall.

Reluctantly Dream’s eyes open and he peaks with a sense of dread washing over him. Please don’t let it be real. Please be a dream. Unfortunately, to his dismay, a lava wall falls before him, blocking his exit, the far too reminiscent sound of its loud flow buzzing in his ears. Oh, how he wishes it would stop! Oddly, he’s not sure how to feel. If he should be horrified to be trapped yet again by the warm liquid or glad that it’s blocking out Quackity. But he can’t help but feel relieved. The familiar lava, his twisted form of protection, yet again. Not that it’ll last.

He’s positioned in the middle of the cell room and his initial observations prove his suspicions correct. Oh, how he wishes he was wrong. The chest, the cauldron, the purple tears falling from the ceiling, even the crying obsidian seems to be placed in the exact same spots. He would know. It’s all a bit too real, too reminiscent. He can feel the rough obsidian pressed against the soles of his scarred bare feet. It can’t be the vault though. He has the key, it’s his. His hell turned home. His vulnerability turned protection. He’s not afraid. It doesn’t matter. It’s not the room he fears it’s his situation. And yet, he can’t help but feel the dread and fear crawl its way through him at the sight of the replica before him.

Taking in his surroundings, he hears the other pair of boots grumpily trot closer until what he knows to be Sam is standing rather close to him. Sam hasn’t noticed he’s awake yet, or he is ignoring him. He has mastered that skill after all. He never listened before. He never gave into mercy while hearing his screams. But he’s not the same Sam. He’s not the Warden anymore. This is different! There’s a chance.

So, as a last straw to save his neck once again, he thinks up what to say. Manipulation is his strength after all, even if he’s minutes away from a full blow panic attack, Even if it’s life or death. Oh, how this feels like de ja vou. He made Sam his bitch after all, he can do this.

Breaking the comfortable silence, Dream mumbles still kinda out of it, “S-Sam…”

Sam’s head immediately whips around, to him, locking his gaze. Meeting the crazed smily mask sending an involuntary shutter down his spine at the sight of his murderer. That’s quickly accompanied by a satisfied grin making its way up his face at the man’s predicament.

“Look—look who’s awake!… Dream, the most 'powerful' man on the server, bound helplessly to a chair, again. Who’s the idiot now?” Sam smirks back.

Despite his words, Dream can see the uneasiness in his form, his facial expressions not fully matching his words. Ignoring Sam’s bait, Dream instead causally asks, tone smooth and surprisingly calm, “How—how have you been Sam?”

Sam rightfully taken aback by the friendly coolness in Dream’s tone, looks at the man again, vision a bit blurry at the sight of the haunting smile. Without realizing he mindlessly utters, “Good I guess… I mean—What do you—?… You—you killed me Dream! What do you mean how have I been?” His confused tone turning loud and angry with great momentum.

Unfazed by the revelation, Dream reasons back, voice steady, despite the slight tremor in his hands and the suppressed flinch at the raised voice, “To—to be fair… I only killed you once and you know, you can be hurt about it, but that—that was justified. You abused your power over me in prison, so I took a life. Quackity took time out of his day to visit me, for months, just to inflict pain and misery” Joyfully fulfilling his cruelest fantasies. Doing unspeakable things that not even the darkest nightmares could come up with. Things not even Dream would have ever considered. The Unfathomable, Indescribable, creativity in making hell on earth. “So you know, I came here to kill him…” Dream pauses, Quackity’s name on his tongue sending involuntary shivers down his back and a hitch in his shallow breath. He doesn’t say how he’s just hoping this will help him sleep through the night for once. Or how he’s desperately grasping at something to mend his broken mind and body. How he’s trying to feel safe instead of afraid.

Finding his voice again, “All of us—all of us have our reasons. You know, we are all right from our point of view… But I would say that—that the books are balanced between us. You know, I’ve left you alone. I released you from Tubbo’s imprisonment. I fed you steak, cake and even—even golden apples when they left you to starve. You know, I haven’t destroyed anything on the server. I haven’t imprisoned or tortured or waged war. All I’ve done is try and live, hunted down like—like an animal by the entire server.”

“Oh come on, Dream, don’t act all innocent. We both know you’re not.”

Annoyed, Dream responds coolly, “Innocent? No one’s innocent, Sam. Not—not you. Not me. Not Quackity. N-not anyone! You know, we all have enemies. We’ve all wronged each other for our own reasons. But I’m not your enemy. I’m not the—not the bad guy. I’m not—I’m not pure evil.”

“So you say... I should— I should just what?… Let you go because you 'let me off easy' because you’re not—not evil?…” Sam’s voice rising again, ebbing with mock pity. A stroke of anger burning in him, “You haven’t—you haven’t yet? As if that’s a comfort! As if that washes your slate clean! As if I can leave here and not fear you coming after me, the rest of the server… and T-Tommy! As if—as if you didn’t murder me while I was defenseless, after I gave you access to the prison!”

Dream suppresses a wince from the tone and for the briefest moment fear, panic and anger pass across his face. No one notices.

In a much more hushed defeated tone Dream somewhat desperately voices, “You know. he’s—he’s going to kill me, Sam.”

Silence falls between the two for a brief moment, before Dream continues, “He’s going to—he’s going to take my last life… and you know unlike your death, he’s going to drag it out to a painfully slow degree. Butchering me like I’m—I’m nothing but a cow for his dinner… I’m a person, Sam, a member of this smp. I may—I may not be the 'good guy' b—but you know I’m not the big bad they make me out to be and neither are you.”

“I’m not like you! Of course, I’m—I’m not the bad guy!” Sam states firm, voice shaking from that last insinuation.

Dream lowers his head, the yelling is really not helping his ponding headache nor his panic. It’s all a bit too familiar to everyday in his cell. Him trying to reason with the Warden Sam for any spec of mercy. Being denied because ‘he deserves it.’ He made the rules of the prison after all.

Another moment of silence passes between them. Dream barely keeping at bay the sense of dread rising through him, the feeling of defeat and hopelessness washing over him. His hindered breath becoming more and more labored as his body holds still, waiting for what’s to come. He’s running out of time and Sam wasn’t budging, not that Dream’s surprised. Just as stubborn as always in his righteousness and fury. Still intent on allowing the walls to be painted with Dream’s blood for his wrongdoings.

His panic just continues to get worse the longer he’s here. Trapped in a perfect replica of the cell that backdrops the scenes of his never ending nightmares. He wonders if maybe insanity has really taken him over. Maybe Punz was right that one can only endure so much before they crack. That people have limits before they break. Because right now he can’t help but smile. Maybe it’s the lack of oxygen making it to his brain. Maybe it’s because he’s finally greeting death like a friend. Maybe because he too can see the sadistic irony of his situation. Maybe because what else can he do after all, that’s what his mask made him, a smile. Nothing more. Nothing further than the smooth white surface. A seemingly sadistic pleasure painted on. No man behind the mask. Just a simple smile for all to see. A monster to haunt nightmares. An emotionless, unfeeling predator without motivations. But don’t predators also have motivations and reasons? Aren’t predators also prey? Don’t snakes bite to protect themselves and their nest? Not to be cruel but out of necessity and instinct.

Insanity or not, Dream can feel himself slipping into the darkness but he is nothing if not stubborn. He’s nothing if not desperate to live. Even when it would be easier to let go. Even when death would be a mercy. Even at the times when life was endlessly unbearable. He’ll be damned if he lets Sam feel like the good guy in his last moments. If he lets Sam and Quackity keep their hypocritical, self righteous, satisfied smiles at the sight of his misery.

So Dream, face stretching into a grin, mutters under his breath, “P—Prove it.” A challenge, born of desperation and anger.

“W—What?” Sam voices, caught off guard by the end in silence.

“You know, prove that you—that you are not the bad guy!” Dream lifts his head to meet Sam’s gaze and smugly smiles under the mask. Because if he doesn’t he might just let the sobs of fear and despair escape him. An anxiety attack of anguish held back only by his pride. Because if he doesn’t smile, maybe Sam won’t see him as the strong and dangerous monster but as a human being.

“Prove that you aren’t me or Quackity. That you wouldn’t kill an unarmed man to satisfy revenge. That you know—you are good and do things for the good of others... If I —I die today the revive book dies with me. Can you really say that’s for the best? That you know… that—that price is worth paying for revenge?

An deathly silence falls again. Sam pauses in his pacing to look at Dream. Meeting his gaze, Dream can see that Sam’s face shows he’s thinking about and considering something. At the sight, Dream can’t help but feel a fragile hope build in his aching chest. That perhaps today won’t be his last. That perhaps people do change. Perhaps there is such thing as mercy. But he can’t fully embrace it, because he knows he could lose that hope in an instant. The one attachment he could never seem to sever and loses far too often anyways. He clings to it desperately watching Sam’s every movement. Holding in what little oxygen he can get in his lungs, ready to release with either relief or despair.

Sam begins to move again, seemingly making up his decision and pulls out his sword with one smooth movement. Sending uncontrollable panic through Dream. Breathing becoming impossible, mind and sight losing focus as Sam approaches, sword in hand. This is it. Sam’s going to kill him. Perhaps this is the mercy he deserves. Sam will be quicker than Quackity at least. The sword comes up under his chin pushing his head up to face Sam’s glare. He can’t look though he doesn’t want the last thing for him to see to be his former friend’s righteous fury. Disappointment. Disgust. Or whatever emotions clear on his face depicting his intent to kill him off for the last time. A red drop of blood falls slowly down his neck at the sword’s pressure, but then there’s the sound of rope being cut, releasing the painful pressure from around his throat. He finally breathes, looks up, and meets Sam’s eyes. Oh? Is that regret?…pity?… Doesn’t matter. It’s not anger, it’s not self righteous fury, it’s not the look intent on taking one’s final life. If he squints hard enough he can even see his former friend’s gaze. At the sight, Dream can’t help but feel the ghostly warmth of Sam’s hug and smile at the past memories. Of fishing together on the docks of the house he once built. Sam’s laughter and ambitions filling his ears, tearing through his already mangled heart. A brief moment of actually good memories filling his head, a welcomed change. And then it’s gone, a mere second over, Sam’s face replaced with one of determination as he continues to saw through the rest of the ropes, seemingly intent on not nicking Dream with his sword in the process but failing in some places. He’d be lying if despite the ropes being cut, the sword’s proximity was still causing slight panic that only worsened when Sam moves behind him. But then it was over, his hands free, already beginning to regain some feeling in them. Sam turns, flicks a lever the all too nostalgic sound of the lava lowering, opening his way out. Or his torturer’s way in. He turns to Sam who’s not making eye contact with him, and whispers a hushed hesitant, “thank you” before bolting out of the room.

Not wanting to test his luck any further. He makes his way to the light, just in time too, as he sees Quackity making his way through the desert back to the entrance. He sneaks around, narrowly missing Quackity’s line of sight and speedily goes from corner to corner hiding from sight best he could. He may be out, but he’s still screwed. He has no armor. No weapons. He has nothing. It’s at this point when the panic that subsided comes back full force. The sound of an alarm begins to go off as a message appears in the chat calling for everyone to search Las Nevadas for him. Fuck. Looking around he spots a cave and runs like there’s no tomorrow, because there may not be one toward the nearby cave.

Slumping down the wall as he attempts to pull air into his lungs as fast as possible. Adrenaline and anxiety adding to his already out of shape body making it really hard to breathe. His mind going through a million plans of how to escape the city, when he hears a voice that sends an involuntary shiver down his back. The former president’s propaganda about him ringing in his ears, he spins round to meet Wilbur’s gaze, who whispers confused, “Why are we hiding?”

Here’s the link to read what happens next and the current version which has like another 1000 or so more words cuz ya know, I can’t help but add angst :)

[holllandtrash]

synopsis here | masterlist | word count: 6.3k | spotify playlist chapter 1 of sky's on fire [ an f1 love-triangle story ]

“People have already compared you to the likes of Lewis Hamilton…” “You’re set to finish third in the F2 series…” “How soon can you expect the call to move to F1…”

Red stood off to the side, watching Kingston chat to the podcast hosts sitting on the couch opposite of him. Kingston was relaxed, answering the questions that were thrown at him with ease. He had gone through hours and hours of media training, but on top of that, he was a natural in the spotlight. 

Of course Red was proud of him. With this being his first year in F2, it was impossible to ignore the way he quickly rose through the ranks of the seasoned drivers. Kingston was on a mission, he wanted to be noticed, especially by those in Formula 1.

He was ending off the 2022 season with a high note. Only two races left, Monza this weekend and then Abu Dhabi in November. It was unlikely that her brother would be surpassed by any of the other drivers. There was enough of a gap that unless something drastic happened, Kingston Diaz would claim third place as his.

“Lewis Hamilton, huh?” Red teased, playfully shoving him with maybe a bit too much force but as his older sister, she had a right to mess with him. Kingston rolled his eyes in response, but she could tell that the compliment went right to his head, he just couldn’t let it show until they left the studio.

Which is why Red waited until they were outside to bring it up. Kingston no longer needed to put on the persona of a racing driver, no longer needed to uphold the standards he had given to himself when driver mode was on. Here, the two of them blended with other visitors and tourists. They could be themselves, Kingston could get excited over the idea that people in the motorsport world saw him as the next generation's Lewis Hamilton.

“He’s my idol,” Kingston admitted, as if this was something Red didn’t already know. “What if I get a spot in Formula 1 while he’s still racing? That would be-” he exhaled, that award winning smile appearing on his face said more than the rest of his sentence ever would.

“It’s possible,” she said, not letting herself think about it too much, at least not the same extent he was.

Red was familiar with Formula 1, she was raised on it thanks to her mother introducing it to her father when they started dating years ago. Hence why Kingston was now a driver. He would never go as far to say this career path was pushed on him, but if he took a step back he might come to the realisation that he was never really given any other choice.

But this path has worked for him, so there was no need to question it. And Red was happy enough to just be along for the ride when she could.

“2024,” Kingston nodded, clapping his hands together. “That’s the goal. Have an F1 seat for 2024.”

Red didn’t say anything in response. Her brother always dreamt big and it was better to just support him with a smile and a nod than to try and bring him back down to earth. She wasn’t necessarily a pessimist but she saw the world for how it was, and realistically speaking, Kingston getting offered a seat for the 2024 season was extremely unlikely, especially with a few teams already making drastic changes to their line up for next year.

She let him go off about the possibilities until they reached the car that was parked just down the street. Kingston smiled at the few people who were admiring the sleek McLaren GT and maybe he was a little arrogant when he pulled out his keys and unlocked the doors.

It’s on loan, Red wanted to yell and completely burst his bubble, but she climbed in the passenger seat without saying a word, letting her brother have his moment. 

“I just have a few more media obligations at the paddock and then we’re free for the rest of the day,” he assured her as the car roared to life. Red didn’t have any plans anyway, she never did during race weekends. Her job was to be the supportive sister and that was a role she happily stepped into.

So she stood on the sideline again, a prominent smile on her face as she watched Kingston and his teammate participate in some sort of challenge that she didn’t really understand and by the looks of it, neither did the drivers.

Red was proud of her brother, truly. She loved watching him thrive and the excitement he carried on race weekends was contagious. That was why she tried to go to as many races as she could. It was impossible to worry about anything with Kingston’s smile lighting up the paddock, before and after each of his sessions, regardless of his standings.

He was carefree and optimistic. Two things that Red knew she was not. So the more time she spent around him the better it was for her own sake.

By the time they finished filming, Kingston said he wanted to quickly look at some of the footage, and no one ever said no to him, so Red told him that she’d just meet him outside the media building. 

She walked out and noticed that during their time inside, the sun had started to set and was no longer beaming down on them with horrid heat. Red pulled the sunglasses off of her head and unzipped the bag that rested over her chest. 

Multitasking was not something she excelled at and with the couple of steps she had to walk down, Red looked up from her bag to make sure she wouldn’t trip. 

Red wished she was joking when she said that time slowed as two F1 drivers walked by her. While she attended as many of King’s races as she could, it was rare she ever interacted with anyone outside his team, let alone Formula 1 drivers. 

Completely forgetting about the sunglasses she was fumbling to fit into the belt bag strapped over her shoulder, she spotted the drivers and that’s when her world stopped.

And Red didn’t believe in love at first sight, she had followed that path hopelessly once before and it only left her in heartbreak, but this was different.

She looked up and locked eyes with him and she knew that damage was done.

Because that’s what it was. An accident waiting to happen. 

Red knew that nothing good was going to come from this chance encounter because her attention went directly to the driver with dark brown hair and green eyes, but it was the one with dirty blonde hair and piercing blue eyes that stopped walking so he could talk to her.

He was a man with a mission. His knew what he wanted since he spotted her walking out of the media building. The one in red, however, did a double take as he looked up at her, then at his phone and then snapped his head up once more when he saw the girl that was about to pass him. As if not believing that someone like her was truly in front of him, like she wasn’t just a figment of his imagination.

Red, this whole time, didn’t even think about the one who was actually giving her attention until he stopped walking and said something, his hand brushing over her arm to keep her from going any further as well.

“Hi,” he said, his lips curling upwards to show off a dangerous smile. “Sorry to stop you, but may I ask who you're here with?”

Red looked over her shoulder, expecting her brother to be behind her but he must not have followed immediately, probably still watching the footage. 

“Kingston,” she answered, gesturing with her thumb to the doors of the media building. “Diaz, sorry. Kingston Diaz, The F2 driver. He’s my brother.”

He looked more optimistic when she said those words. My brother. She wasn’t there with a partner, which was why he felt confident enough to extend his hand and introduce himself.

“I’m Pierre,” his smile had yet to fade. The more Red stared at it, at him, the more she thought to herself that this man was going to be trouble. 

But she shook his hand, ignoring the sirens and the flashing red lights going off in the back of her head. A choice that she would one day regret.

“Red,” she smiled back, eyes darting to his friend. She knew who Pierre was, he didn’t need to introduce himself, just like Charles Leclerc also didn’t need to introduce himself. And he probably wouldn’t have, had she kept her gaze on Pierre.

“Charles,” he waited until Pierre dropped her hand so he could shake it as well, maybe holding on a second longer than his friend did but no one was going to comment on that, even if they all noticed. “I’m sorry, your name is Red?”

This was a common question. Red wished she had the confidence and the charisma to make a joke about her parents name choosing skills. She wished she could say something witty, something that would make these two prestigious men standing before her crack a smile or laugh.

But Red went with the safe route. She wasn’t in Monza to make any sort of impression, she was there to support her brother.

“It’s my initials,” she clarified. 

Charles asked before Pierre could and then ignored the sliver of annoyance in his friend's features, focusing on the girl in front of him instead, “So what is your name?”

“Well, Red,” she said again. “I’ve been called that my entire life, anything else would just sound foreign.” She swallowed, wondering why she was wasting time and not even answering his question properly. “Sorry, it’s River. But again, no one calls me that.”

“Red,” Pierre said with a nod, toying with the idea of what it would be like to hear himself say it more often. He didn’t hate it. 

His line of sight darted downwards for a quick second, she caught it. The subtle way he checked her out. She didn’t hate that. While her initial attraction was for Charles, the Ferrari driver seemed to be stuck in his thoughts and the idea of making any sort of move took a backseat.

Pierre took advantage of his friend's hesitation.

“Well Charles sees enough red to last a lifetime, whereas I unfortunately don’t,” Pierre licked his lips as a faint chuckle passed through them. “Are you free tonight?”

Red, not used to the idea that someone with as high of a status as Pierre Gasly would be interested in her, actually looked over shoulder, expecting to see a much prettier, well-versed and confident girl behind her. But there was no one.

“You’re asking me out?” Maybe that wasn’t the best response, but it earned another laugh from the French driver. Charles chuckled as well, but his sounded a bit more forced. 

“I am,” he was so poised, so sure of his response whereas Red was fumbling.

“Oh,” she nodded and then another, “Oh- I mean, yes. Yes, I’m free.”

“Perfect,” Pierre was pleased with her answer. “I assume you’re staying in Milan?”

“The Four Seasons,” she confirmed. 

“Great. Meet me in the lobby at seven.”

It wasn’t a question, nor a suggestion. Pierre was telling her where to be at what time and Red, in that moment, admired the confidence. She didn’t see it as a telling sign that this would be a recurring theme. She simply nodded, still in awe and confusion as the two of them turned around and kept walking.

Red waited a second before making a move anywhere and because the soles of her shoes were seemingly frozen to the ground as she processed what just happened, she caught the way Charles turned over his shoulder, wanting to take one last quick look at the girl that Pierre was taking out on a date because he couldn’t find his words fast enough.

By the time Kingston did leave the media building, he noticed the way his sister was seemingly starstruck.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I might as well have,” Red shook her head. The last few minutes didn’t feel real. If someone told her she dreamt it, she would believe them. “I got asked out.”

Kingston snorted, wondering how that could have happened in the short amount of time he was stuck inside, “By who?”

She looked down the paddock but the two drivers were already long gone. A sharp inhale was all she could provide at first when she looked at Kingston, trying to guess how he would respond to the idea of her going out with a driver.

“Pierre Gasly.”

His reaction was not one she could have anticipated. It was evident with his expression alone that he didn’t believe her and when he continued walking down the paddock, Red walked at his side, explaining what had happened in the last couple of minutes to the best of her ability. 

It wasn’t until they climbed into the car did it finally click for Kingston that she was being honest. AlphaTauri driver, soon to be Alpine driver, Pierre Gasly was in fact taking his sister out on a date. 

Being a few years younger than Red, Kingston wasn’t sure if he was allowed to have an opinion, if he was allowed to take on the protective brother role. The uncertainty behind whether or not Red would even listen was what convinced him to keep his mouth shut at the end of it. 

But he had heard things about the French driver. Rumours, gossip really, that he wasn’t someone who lasted long in relationships. His name was attached to the words infidelity and dishonesty, but if Kingston had heard such things, surely his sister must have as well. 

And Red was an adult. She could make her own choices. Kingston knew she was smart, maybe a little naive and had some hopeless romantic tendencies, but he hoped that after a few years, she had learned from her previous relationships. 

She didn’t talk about her partner from highschool, but at this point it had been almost seven years. While being cheated on was something that would always haunt her, no matter how old she got, she had moved on from the toxicity of her first boyfriend. 

And then there was ‘the phase’ as Kingston called it. The time in her life where she would be with any guy who showed her a fraction of attention. She treated them far better than any of them ever treated her, but Red was at a point in her life where she didn’t know how to thrive in being alone. She was dependent on male figures, usually older.

Once, Kingston called her out on it, using the term ‘daddy issues’ and he didn’t use it loosely either. Growing up in the same household, Kingston had seen the lack of attention she received from their father, he saw the disconnect, he saw how hard she worked for his approval and praise.

When she got older, instead of trying to find reconciliation with their father, she moved on to searching for what was missing in partners. Kingston pointed out that a lot of the men she was with were the same as their dad. Mirroring Arlos’ emotionally unavailable and toxic traits. It shouldn’t have come to a surprise when Red brushed the idea off, she had done the same with her dad for years. Never wanting to accept that her issues were so deeply rooted in her childhood and were now affecting the way she sought out partners.

There was only ever one boyfriend of hers that Kingston approved of. He was also the only one who ever met their parents as Red knew he was one to show off, one to be proud of. He treated her right and it was heartbreaking for nearly everyone in her life when they called it off. 

But it was the long distance that proved to be too challenging to overcome. If he was in Europe that would be one thing, but with Red living in London and Mason’s career being based out of LA, it wasn’t destined to last. 

She had been single since then, trying to grow in this new chapter she found herself in and spending most of 2021 and up until now, all of 2022 by herself. It was good for her, everyone agreed. 

Ultimately, that’s why Kingston kept quiet, muttering a reminder to ‘be careful, is all’ when she said that she was going to go on the date with Pierre. He trusted she could take care of herself, that she had learned the lessons required to find happiness with someone, someone that wouldn’t drain her. The rumours about him were just that, rumours. He had no idea what Pierre was actually like in a relationship and he had faith in his sister that if things become difficult, she would leave. Having Mason as a reminder of what a healthy relationship looked like, Kingston wasn’t as worried about Red as he would have been years ago.

Red chose a black dress for her date, nothing scandalous but it was form fitting and off the shoulder. The gold necklace she wore matched her earrings and rings and stood out beautifully against her tanned skin. Her hair took a bit more effort and when the Milan heat proved to be pointless to fight against, she opted for pulling her hair back into a high ponytail. 

She could have headed down to the lobby of the hotel when she finished getting ready ten minutes to seven, but she waited, not wanting to seem too eager. Of course, with her luck, everyone seemed to be needing the elevator when she pressed the button and Red didn’t end up stepping foot onto the main floor until a little after the designated time.

Unsure where to look for her date, she just headed towards the front of the hotel. She glanced towards the couches, the doors and then finally looked at the bar that seemed to be quite full for a Wednesday evening.

She didn’t see Pierre, but she did see Charles.

Any other given evening, Red would not have gone up to him to start a conversation. She didn’t know the Monegasque driver,  they exchanged only a few words in the paddock and he was not the one she was going on a date with.

But he spotted her and with an inviting smile, waved her over to the bar top. Red hesitated, naturally, glancing over her shoulder to see if Pierre was nearby but again, he wasn’t in sight. So she crossed the lobby of the hotel and stepped into the connected restaurant, greeting Charles with a smile of her own. He straightened up instead of leaning against the bar top. 

“Pierre got a phone call not even twenty seconds ago,” Charles explained, doing his best to keep his eyes up even though all he wanted was to admire the way she looked in the dress. “He just stepped out to answer it, I can assure you, you weren’t stood up.”

Red laughed, “Honestly the thought didn’t cross my mind, but thank you for clarifying.” She looked around, not feeling awkward but definitely feeling a little out of place. Her comfort zone was F2 drivers, and even then she didn’t know many of them. When her eyes landed back on Charles, they both opened their mouths to say something and then simultaneously shut them.

Charles dipped his head, “You first.”

“Oh I was just curious as to what you were doing here, is all,” she said. “Are you staying in this hotel?”

“Ah, no,” Charles admitted. “Meeting a friend who’s staying here. It was convenient, honestly, that Pierre was also coming by. We just took the same car.”

“You two are- you’re friends, right?” Red asked and then felt the heat rise up to her cheeks. “I mean, I know you’re both drivers but you two are actually friends outside the races, right? Or was that just a bullshit article I read on twitter?”

He glanced down at the drink resting on the bar top and chuckled, “No, no we are friends. We grew up racing together.”

Red wasn’t sure if that information made this scenario easier or harder. She knew she was going on a date with Pierre, so the fact that she felt a pull of attraction towards Charles, his lifelong friend, was not ideal. Red did her best to ignore it, even taking a step back to create a bigger gap between them. Because that was the respectful thing to do, right? 

She should have been thankful when Charles’ eyes darted behind her. Red turned as well, seeing that it was Pierre who caught his attention. 

He looked nice, a pair of black slacks and a white linen shirt unbuttoned just enough to tease what laid beneath the material. The sleeves were rolled up his elbows and he adjusted the black watch on his wrist as he smiled at Red and Charles. 

“You look beautiful,” Pierre greeted her, hand going to her back. “Sorry, I had to take a call. I promise I usually have much better time management.”

“That’s okay, don’t worry,” she said, taking in his sharp features. Pierre was devilishly handsome, there was no denying that. If he wasn’t smiling or talking, his lips fell into a natural smirk, drawing her in like he had a secret to tell. 

Pierre patted his friend’s arm, “Thanks for keeping her company. Are you ready to go?” He nodded his head towards the front of the hotel. 

Red stepped away from the bar and closer to Pierre as he told her he made reservations at Sadler, a restaurant she was unfamiliar with as she had only ever spent a handful of days in Milan over the course of the last few years and eating at a Michelin-star restaurant was never on her list of things to do.

As Pierre was in the middle of telling Red that it was a short walk away from the hotel she halted and quickly turned back around, remembering that Charles also had a thought that he didn’t get to share. She pointed a finger at him, “You were trying to say something earlier before I asked why you were at the hotel-”

Charles waved it off, glancing at Pierre. “It’s nothing, I was just-” another look at Pierre, this time with caution. “I was just going to say you look lovely, is all.”

“Oh,” she felt the flutter in her chest, something she didn’t feel when Pierre complimented her. Again, she didn’t dwell on it. “Thank you and, uhm-” Pierre was waiting. “Have a good night.”

Pierre confirmed that she was alright walking in heels for a few minutes, offering to order a car if she preferred, but Red wasn’t one to complain and the restaurant wasn’t far, only a block up and over. 

She couldn’t remember the last time she went on a date so the only word to describe her for the first few minutes after sitting down at the table was awkward. Whereas Pierre’s aura was nothing but cool and confident. 

“Tell me about yourself,” Pierre said after the waiter had come by and poured them both a glass of wine. Red wasn’t a huge drinker, but she happily took a sip of the drink before answering. It didn’t ease her nerves instantly, but maybe by the time she finished the glass she’d be comfortable.

That was a loaded question though, one that Red didn’t even know how to start answering. The people she met usually cared about her brother and his career. Red was used to the spotlight being on him, even if he was nowhere around.

Now that she was given the opportunity to talk freely about herself, prompted by Pierre fucking Gasly, Red blanked.

Pierre noticed the hesitation, he could see the gears grinding behind her eyes as she tried to think of what to say. He found amusement in that and chuckled, changing the topic.

“Okay, what if you just tell me where you’re from.”

That she could do, “Birmingham,” she answered, feeling her cheeks flush. “But I moved to London after I finished highschool and I’ve been there since.”

“And what do you do there?”

She grimaced, “This is going to sound really pretentious, but I’m a model.”

“I don’t think it’s pretentious,” Pierre assured her. “I think it’s fitting though, you are beautiful. I’d buy whatever you’re selling.”

“No but I’m probably the worst model,” Red laughed before taking another sip of her drink. “I’m so painfully awkward in front of the camera and I don’t get booked for half of the jobs my agent sends me to. I’ll show up to the set and the director takes one look at me and sends me home,” she laughed again and Pierre joined in, both of them happy to find a little humour in her dilemmas. 

“Why don’t you switch career paths then?” He leaned forward, resting his elbows atop the table and clasping his hands together. The eye contact he held intimated her, but she knew it was impolite to keep looking away. 

“Well I don’t hate it, I just wish I was better at it,” Red told him, fingers twirling around the stem of her wine glass. “I think because Kingston is a natural in front of the cameras and talking to the media, people assume I’m the same way but I’m very…I don’t know, not as confident as I’d like to be, I guess.”

Pierre could have asked something about her brother, she had practically opened the door for him to, but he seemed to gloss right over the mention of Kingston, instead asking another question about her job which led into a discussion about travelling and by the time their entrees came, Red was telling Pierre that if she could move to Spain, she would. 

They talked about the languages they spoke, Red had him beat. Pierre knew three, she knew four. She said she’d teach him Spanish and if he taught her Italian, Pierre agreed to that deal. 

He spoke about Formula 1, but not for very long. Red was surrounded by motorsport just by following Kingston and as interested as she was to learn about Pierre, there was more to him than just his career. 

Red enjoyed talking to him. Once she got past the stage of not knowing what to say, conversation between them flowed naturally. He was a good listener, he asked follow up questions to learn more, he had an interest in what she had to say and the stories she shared.

But there was no spark.

Even though he made her laugh, even though he made her feel comfortable, even though he truly seemed to care to get to know her, Red didn’t feel that overwhelming urge to see him again. 

She wanted to like him, but this wasn’t something she could force. This also wasn’t something she was going to continue on the off chance she’d feel something down the road nor was it fair to be with him solely because of his name and status. 

Which is why, at the end of their evening, which was a delightful evening, Red turned down the invitation to go home with him. They stood outside the doors of the restaurant, the sun had set at this point and she used the light coming from the street lamps and nearby establishments to make out the solemn expression Pierre wore.

He wasn’t offended that she had said no, that she would rather go back to her hotel room alone instead of spending the night with him. He also didn’t try to pressure her into changing her answer, only told her that he was still going to walk her back to the Four Seasons. He could take the rejection, but he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he let her walk back alone.

By the time they made it to the front foyer of the hotel, Pierre reached for her hand to keep her from going through the double doors. His eyes searched her face, trying to find the answer to what had happened this evening.

“Did I do something?” Pierre asked her. 

She let out a breath of a laugh, “No, Pierre, you were a total gentleman all night.” 

“Did you have fun?”

“I did.”

“So would it be wildly inappropriate if I asked you out on a second date?” His mischievous grin made a return. 

Red knew she should have said no. If she didn’t feel a deep enough connection with him after sharing a table for two hours, and splitting a dessert, there was a strong chance she wouldn’t feel anything after the second date either. 

But saying ‘no’ was something she struggled with. Even just turning down his offer to go home with him gave her a wave of anxiety. The last thing she wanted was to get on someone's bad side and that included Pierre even if she never planned on seeing him again. 

Except there was something about his piercing blue eyes and bright features that made it challenging to turn down twice. Was she a pushover? Maybe, but that was a conversation she chose not to have with herself right now. Instead, she forced herself to look at in a way that painted Pierre as persistent instead of herself as spineless.

“Okay,” she said. “One more date,” as if she was giving the ultimatum here when the reality was, Red would much rather see someone else happy even if it meant putting herself in an uncomfortable position. 

She told herself that it really would be one more date, but she didn’t expect that it would grow consistently harder to keep saying no to Pierre. 

He gave her a kiss on the cheek to end the night after they exchanged numbers. Pierre assured her he’d call before the weekend ended, or if they were lucky they would run into each other in the paddock again. It was unlikely, but certainly possible.

Red didn’t know how to feel by the time she walked inside the hotel. The idea of having another glass of wine popped in her head, but she typically wasn’t someone who drank to relax and now would just be a horrible time to start. 

She glanced towards the bar, not surprised to see it had died down since she had stepped in earlier. But she was surprised to see that there was one man who seemingly hadn’t moved an inch, still sitting at the bar at the same spot as hours prior.

Maybe it was the few glasses of wine she did have, but the confidence she was lacking earlier made a shocking appearance and she found herself walking towards a one Charles Leclerc. He didn’t notice her, not until she sat down on the empty stool next to him. At that point, she was impossible to not notice. 

Charles looked up, both of them wearing smiles. While hers was more smug, his was reminiscent of a young childs’ who had just been caught eating cookies before dinner and tried to play it off innocently. 

“Don’t tell me you got stood up?” She teased, thinking about earlier when he was the one who assured her that her date was nearby. 

“No, no, he left only minutes ago actually, I was just-” he looked at his nearly empty whisky glass, “-just finishing up my drink and I’ll head out.”

“Who?” Red asked, as if she had any idea the type of friends Charles had. The only reason she asked was because the leather seat she was on was cold against the back of her legs and that wouldn’t be the case if someone was just sitting here. Nor were there any water marks or signs that a second glass had been placed on the bar top. 

The likelihood of Charles sitting alone at a bar for a few hours was low, but she was still curious about what he got up to tonight.

“A friend from my karting days,” Charles answered, folding his arms over the surface of the bar as his eyes met hers again. “He lives in Milan, so we try to meet up when I’m here.”

Red’s eyebrows furrowed together as she gestured with her chin to the lobby of the hotel, “Earlier you said he was staying here.”

“He is!” Charles exclaimed. “Sorry, I meant he lives in Italy. He’s staying at this hotel this weekend.”

She wanted to believe him, this would be a strange thing to lie about.

But Red reminded herself that she and Charles were still strangers. If he was in fact lying about meeting a friend and was instead on a date with someone, which was her guess, it would be unlikely he would jump at the chance to tell her, probably wanting to keep the potential relationship private as most of his life was in the public eye.

“How was your date?” Charles asked, spinning the conversation around on her. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t notice the way her jaw tensed before her gaze landed on the row of bottles that lined the shelf behind the bar. Eye contact was not her thing. 

“Yeah, it was good,” Red told him, knowing that he was friends with Pierre. Nothing she said was safe, or at least that’s what she assumed.

“Just good?” Charles further questioned, spinning the glass between his fingers. 

“Pierre’s nice,” Red added with a head nod, but it sounded like she was trying to convince herself of that as opposed to telling Charles what he already knew. “I had a fun time, we’ll see how the second date goes I guess.”

“Second date?” he repeated, not intending for the surprise to be so evident in his tone. He cleared his throat, “He already lined up a second date?”

Red nodded, her line of sight darted from the bar to the gold rings she wore on her fingers, spinning the one on her thumb out of habit. She struggled sitting still, Charles realised. In the back of his head he wondered if Pierre had noticed it too.

Charles leaned in closer to her, “This may not be my place to say anything, but you don’t seem to be too pleased about a second date.”

Was it that obvious? Red planted a smile on her face and looked up from her hands, ignoring the way Charles was staring through her like he was trying to read her mind.

“I’m just tired, is all. I haven’t really let myself think about the next date yet,” that was believable, she told herself. It had to be. 

Charles turned his wrist to look at the time on his watch and nodded. He then gestured towards the hotel, “I’m about to head out too, but I can walk you to the elevator, if you’d like.”

Red nodded, finding his offer to be harmless enough. Charles finished the rest of his drink before tossing a few bills on the counter and thanking the bartender with a wave and a smile. 

He shoved his hands into his pockets as they crossed the floor to leave the restaurant and enter the lobby. It wasn’t quiet, but it was certainly more lively during the day as there were a handful of team members from all series’ who stayed at this hotel.

“So you’ll be at the paddock all weekend?” Charles asked. 

“Yeah, I’ll fly home Sunday though. I’m not staying for the F1 race.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t get passes for it. I only have them for the support races.” she turned her head towards him, a soft smile playing on her lips. 

The hotel lobby light was not ideal for anyone, but it made Red’s features much more prominent, whether she liked it or not. Charles didn’t know whether to look at her bold lashes or the freckles that couldn’t be covered with makeup or the way the corner of her lips turning upwards contrasted with the uncertainty in her eyes. Her smile was polite, it was warm, but it was also forced.

Charles was nearly about to offer her a pass to the paddock, lord knew he had a few of them lying around, perks of being a driver. But before he could say anything, the step up towards the elevators snuck up on them and Red stumbled to catch her balance as her heel caught on the platform.

He reached for her arm and his other hand hovered in front of her, ready to assist if needed but Red laughed it off and apologised, swearing that she usually wasn’t this clumsy, it was the heels.

His grip on her arm loosened and he trailed his fingers down to her wrist and then to her palm. Red’s hand gently rested on top of his as he helped her step up onto the platform. Charles’ pressed the elevator button for her and both of their arms fell back down to their sides.

He waited until the doors opened to wish her a goodnight. The idea of inviting her to the paddock on Sunday slipped his mind as he was now only thinking about what it would take to feel her hand in his again.

Red waved at the Monegasque driver, holding his stare until the steel doors shut between them. Only then did she feel safe enough to take a breath and lean against the wall, her gaze dropping to the hand that Charles held for only a moment.

She didn’t feel a spark with Pierre.

But Charles’ touch lit a fire under her skin.

can't wait to hear your thoughts ♡

[gotstabbedbyapen]

Too Long; Didn't Read: I'm working on a trilogy fanfiction for Apollo and Hyacinthus called "Singing For A Flower" because I have way too much time :)

Too Short; Need More: For those who don't know (actually, I don't think anyone knows), I've been writing fanfics for a long time now. I've written for many fandoms, couples, and characters, but never in a million years I'd thought I would dedicate a portion of my life to writing a whole ass trilogy fic for an OTP I only started to ship in the summer of 2022.

How did I get into this?

Well, for starters, I've taken a ride to Greek mythology since June 2022. And as you may know (you must know if you've been sticking around long this blog enough), the myth of Apollo and Hyacinthus is my top favorite. And you probably know that I have lots of thoughts for them. Like, a lot. I'm storing too many Apollo/Hyacinthus ideas inside like an inflated balloon and if I don't dump them out soon, I will explode into a million pieces.

So in that case, I decided to write a fanfiction to pour all my OTP heacanons into it.

No, really. I won't even call it a retelling because it is not qualified to be one. Let's just say it's a high-effort fanfiction written by a foreigner who was raised and lived in a very different culture and always be more to learn.

Introducing:

Singing For A Flower

At first, I only planned it out as a meet-cute oneshot. But the short and sweet story soon branched out and couldn't be contained under 10K words anymore.

I want to write Hyacinthus and Apollo flirting but also having anxiety about their relationship.

I want to include Polyboea and give her a character arc about joining the virgin huntressess.

I want to explore Clio and the Muses' relationship with Hyacinthus, their mortal son and nephew.

I want to flesh out the other occurring characters who are in or related to the myth.

Endless scenarios and questions keep coming and they don't stop coming, and now I'm left with bits of prompts to string into one coherent plotline. There will be a lot for me to rewrite, add in, cut out, and more before I finish the first draft.

The "Singing For A Flower" trilogy will be written in Vietnamese and then translated into English (the VN version will be posted on a different platform, but you don't need to care about it). I can write the whole thing in English in the first place of course, but as with the second language, I can't convey all my ideas as fluently as in Vietnamese. When the English version is done, I will publish it on Archive Of Our Own and maybe other novel platforms.

It will take time to do everything all by myself. You'll have to wait a long time - we're not counting weeks or months, but years. But not to worry, because along the way, I will publish some (translated) WIP snippets to keep myself motivated and keep you guys up-to-date. So, we cool?

If you're interested in my planned Apollo/Hyacinthus trilogy and wish to see the final product, I admire your dedication - thank you a lot! And if you can't stick around to the end - it's okay! I'm glad we can be companions for a while.

Let's hope all of the gods above, my sheer determination, and an unholy amount of coffee will help me make it to the end of this project and not crash and burn before that!

[frostycatblr-fandom-files]

The fandom-files are turning six!

I missed my blog anniversary (August 10th) last year, so I wanted to do something small and simple; a get-to-know-me of sorts!

💙 The first fandom I created and started using this blog for was Detroit: Become Human, back in 2018. I lost my interest in the fandom and subsequently the blog following some negative experiences.

It wasn't until roughly around August(?) 2022 that I chose to revive this side-blog right around the start of The Mandalorian and The Bad Batch series. They reignited my love of the SW franchise stronger than ever following the fallout of the sequel trilogy (which, for all it's faults, I still largely enjoyed; but my experience with the wider fandom grew increasingly negative).

💚 I've been writing fanfiction for a long time; probably since I was in elementary school. Was it any ever good? Debatable... But I had fun, and that's what matters most. 🩷 I've enjoyed writing (save for school assignments) since I was little! I started out writing them by hand, then translating everything over to a Word Doc or a fanfic site of choice before I got a phone, by which point I wrote half by hand, half by phone. Most of my fics on this blog were written on my phone until late last year, when I finally got my own personal laptop!

💙I may not be the most social or chatty of fan artists/writers in the community where I've laid the majority of my roots these days, but I appreciate each and every friend I've been fortunate enough to make in my time here.

With severe anxiety, it isn't often the easiest thing putting myself out there, but I'm trying. Learning. Growing. I have so much appreciation for those who have shown me support, made me feel like a part of this space, and taken the time out of their day to share how my work made them feel in the past. It means a lot to me, it's impossible to say 'thank you' enough.

It happened sooner than I expected, just the day before my humble side-blog's sixth anniversary, but I'm excited to say I have now reached 200 followers!! Looks like I have to pick up the pace on piecing together that follower event!

Hugest of thank you-s to everyone who's decided to come along for the ride since the blog's revival, silly as it often is. 🩷

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Domestic Established Relationship Masterlist

Links last checked: May 6th, 2025

2009, 2012, 2019, 2022 (ao3) - OliveTheHobbit

Summary: “Most people have like yearly photo books, we have this weird ass videos” - Daniel Howell, some bloopers from phil is not on fire 10.

Some of the memories they gathered along the way got fresh in their minds at the moment they decided to buy a photo album.

In celebration to Dan and Phil’s 10th anniversary.

A Day in the Life of Dan and Phil in Quarantine! (ao3) - silentdescant

Summary: Phil posts a Day in the Life video of a typical day in quarantine.

Baby Names - doomedhowell

Summary: Dan and Phil arguing over baby names, very domestic.

blankets, coffees and afternoon naps (ao3) - zsunsetz

Summary: Blankets, coffee and afternoon naps have become the new normal.

Coming Clean and Kisses on Screen (ao3) - hygge

Summary: Dan and Phil are finally ready to make the news of their marriage and their new family public.

Dan and Phil and DOG (ao3) - nivi_chip

Summary: It’s Phil’s birthday, and Dan gets him a gift that’s long overdue

dan buys a skirt (ao3) - baroquen

Summary: Dan is thinking about buying a skirt. Phil thinks this is a very good idea.

Doing Nothing Often Leads To The Very Best Of Something (ao3) - kae_karo

Summary: based on this (x) and a lil imagine i wrote (x) and expanded on so thanks to the lovely anon who originally sent "that pic phil posted of dan for his bday i think where dan is making a funny face and theres a nearly empty wine bottle in the background hhhhh that makes my demon heart drop" and to the lovely anon who asked for more!

Forever Home (ao3) - possumdnp

Summary: Phil’s wanted a dog for as long as he can remember, and now that he and Dan are moving into their new house, it’s the perfect opportunity. But there’s just one problem: Phil’s allergic to dogs.

Home For Good (ao3) - hygge

Summary: Phil gets drafted for World War III. Dan and their daughter, Emily, try to maintain a normal life while Phil is away.

Let's Be Alone Together (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: There are times when Dan and Phil feel so much like a married couple, that they forget they aren’t actually married. However, neither one of them are complaining about it. (Also known as the most domestic and fluffy fic I’ve ever written).

Look what I made the birthday boy (ao3) - phandemigods

Summary: Dan made a super sweet video for Phil's 30th birthday and they decide to post it. It's just a pile of domestic fluff

Noted (ao3) - whisksandplungers

Summary: Dan liked to leave romantic notes for Phil. Most of the time, Phil loved them. And sometimes, Phil would be left staring at the note, absolutely clueless.

Share A Bed, Share A Life (ao3) - JenCollins, WordsAblaze

Summary: Having a child is a stressful, time-consuming, argument-inducing process but, naturally, Dan and Phil ride the ups and downs together, ending up just fine. Fulfilling prompts 'age changes' and 'sharing a bed' for the phandom fic fests, enjoy!

Sugar Rush (ao3) - Misha_with_wings

Summary: Phil shouldn’t have had so much sugar before bed, now he’s a hyper little shit and Dan really just wants to sleep.

the stupid sushi bubble bath fic (ao3) - itsmyusualphannie (itsmyusualweeb)

Summary: dip and pip cuddle and eat sushi and take a bubble bath like the nerds they are.

They Were Forever (ao3) - developerdaniel

Summary: While keeping everything soft and sweet their kiss quickly grew into more as Dan's hands slid their way up Phil's loose tee, pushing it up while his explored his lover's soft skin. Phil let out a gentle gasp into the younger's mouth at the feeling. Dan's touches were soft, feather light, enough to send a shiver up Phil's spine and raise goosebumps where Dan's hands had once been. ~ aka the fic where dan and phil have a casual night at home that ends with them passionately making love

Today Is For Us (ao3) - CaibrynM

Summary: Dan and Phil take a day for themselves in between the tour ending, planning for their premiere in Brazil and the upcoming Christmas Holidays. Lots of Fluff and a little smut.

Told You So (ao3) - flymetomanchester

Summary: Neither really care about the holiday. but when they move in together Phil can’t help but care about thanksgiving. It has to be perfect. Nothing can go wrong right?

Worth the Wait (ao3) - JudeAraya

Summary: It's pretty hard to stay mad at Phil, even when he's forgotten date night.

[joe9cool]

So Good-Joel Farabee-2

A/N: I do not know or associate with anyone on The Flyers, I only own my characters. Also you do not have permission to copy or post my stories anywhere. Thank you

December 2022.

“Atta boy guys! Way to battle and fight hard!” Joel cheered along with the locker room. They had beaten the Rangers at home. So far the season had been a bunch of ups and downs (mostly downs) but they were a rebuilding team. So there was hope for the future.

Upon exiting the locker room to the family area. He looked around to see the usual guys with their families. Sometimes parents flew in. He was fortunate that his family didn't live too far away and that they could drive Or fly to see major games.

“Hey Joel” He looked to his right to see Claire smiling at him. He had seen her at some games with Laurence and Ella. He had purposely avoided her since that night and had so far been successful. At the most he gave her a smile and a wave. Once the anger had worn down.

He had tried to push her into the back of his mind and that was the only way to successfully do that.

Until now.

“How have you been?” She asked.

Fuck she looked good. She must have just come from work and she dawned what he would say was ‘Professor Attire’ that she filled out perfectly, complete with square frames. Claire looked like every college kid's fantasy.

All of the sudden all of the memories from that August night came flooding back.

He was fucked.

“Joel?” He Realized he spaced out as Claire looked At him confused. “I'm sorry Claire, I spaced out. Happens often.” Fans didn't call him empty Headed for nothing.

“I asked if you were joining the team for Christmas at my family's house? My mom hosts some of the team And the families every year. I know you didn't come the past few times and then COVID happened. But its always a blast.”

“Umm I'm not sure.. I mean I still haven't finalized Plans with my family…” He trailed off, knowing That his parents or His brothers weren't able to come with the busy schedule.

“It's the 20th Joel.” and Morgan said you probably will be Attending with him.”

He made a mental note to murder Frosty. “Yeah I guess I'll show up for a few hours.”

She smiled. “Great! You don't need to bring anything. My family is making Everything.”

“That's a ton of food.” She laughed. “My mom owns a restaurant, remember? She is accustomed to the Chaos”

“True.” They smiled at each other, and Joel's heart skipped a beat. 

“Well I'll see you at my house for Christmas. You know where Danny lives in Haddonfield right?”

He nodded, thinking of the former player turned assistant GM. “Yeah I have been to his place a few times.”

“Then my mom’s house is literally next door. Its obnoxiously decorated so you cannot miss it. Think of the Griswold’s house in Christmas Vacation.

Joel laughed.. “Nothing wrong with that, that’s my favorite Christmas movie. Her smile brightened. “Mine too! I’ve annoyed everyone around me by quoting the movie. 

“Hey Claire, we’re heading out.” She turned back towards Sean and Laurence.  “Oh they are my ride. I’ll see you on Christmas, and good luck against the Hurricanes!” They had one more game in Carolina before they could enjoy Christmas break. As he watched her retreating figure his heart did another flip confirming what he already knew

He. Was. Totally. Fucked.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just as Claire said, her mother's home was the most decorated on the block. As he pulled up he took a deep breath. Even on the plane ride back he was lost in his own world. He wondered if her boyfriend Luke would be there. Then chastised himself for thinking that he wouldn't. It was still a family event, and it was Christmas.

The past couple of days he felt his hand hovering over the follow request on her Instagram. She was private, but had a ton of followers, practically the entire team and their wives or girlfriends. Past and present members even had some friends in common, no doubt cause of hockey. He looked at Laurence's photos to see if maybe Claire was posted with Luke. No such luck. Not even wedding photos were she was a bridesmaid.

Taking another deep breath, he got out of his car and saw Travis Sanheim and his girl right Behind him. After exchanging Pleasantries they walked up together. The door opened right away to see a middle aged woman who resembled Claire and no doubt that was her mother. 

“Hello everyone! Merry Christmas!”

“Hi Vero.” She hugged the couple before her eyes were on Joel. Feeling awkward he waved. “Hi I'm Joel. I'm on the team.”

She laughed before pulling him into a hug. “I know who you are! I'm Canadian and have lived here for over ten years. We bleed black and orange. I'm Veronique, But call me Vero. I'm so glad you could come.” She gestured them inside, and once again Joel handed her a bottle of wine. It was becoming his thing. “I'm sorry I know Claire said no gifts, but I can't come empty handed.”

The older woman laughed. “Oh that's so sweet. I raised my daughters the same way. He went to find some of his team in The massive living room, however his Eyes were surveying the room and he very quickly Found who he was looking for.

He smiled brightly when his eyes came across her. She looked beautiful, her dark hair styled to perfection. Her red dress looked cozy and festive. 

However his smile went away fast when he took in her facial expressions. She wasn't happy. In fact, she looked ready to cry.

Then he saw the person next to her and stiffened. 

A tall blonde-haired guy. Was standing next to her, his back angled towards Joel so he couldn't see his face. This had to be Luke.

And based on what he saw, He could already tell this guy was a major prick.

He was luckily distracted by Kevin and his wife coming up to greet him. It was a good distraction as it got him mingling with other teammates and his mind was off Claire. 

Until dinner was ready. As he took his seat at the long decorated table Claire and Luke sat diagonally Across from him. 

“Joel! I didn't see you. I'm glad you made it.” She smiled and he returned it. “Oh and I'm sorry this is Luke, my boyfriend.” 

He tried to refrain from making a grimace as he leaned over the table to reciprocate The handshake the other guy was holding out. “I'm Joel Farabee.”

“Luke Cross. Nice To meet you.” He sat down and took a sip of his wine. “So are you a hockey player like everyone else?”

He didn't miss the tone in Luke's voice when he said ‘hockey players.’ “Yes I'm with the Flyers.”

The blonde shook his head. “I don't know how you do it. I mean, I'm sure the money is nice. But is it worth nearly killing yourself for a hunk of Metal?”

The room seemed to be silent with the Last comment. Luke looked Around and laughed. “I'm sorry. I meant “The Cup.”

“It's more than a ‘Cup’.” York interjected and Sean shook his head. “I've tried to explain it to him”

Luke laughed. “I just don't get sports. I mean I feel like it's not necessary. You're not contributing to anything.”

Joel wanted to take the bowl of mashed potatoes in his hand and aim right towards his smug face. The fact that he was so comfortable trashing someone’s passion in front of his own girlfriend, who was Canadian and a hockey player herself. He didn’t want to imagine what went on in private 

Vero, who Was trying to keep the peace, changed the subject to focus on her other daughter Alexandra and her husband. While Alex was a lawyer, her husband Noah was a tattoo artist who ran his own shop in Philadelphia. “Do you mind showing me some of your work?” Owen asked. Noah was more than thrilled to show off his art, which Joel had to admit, was really good. “How did you and Alex meet?”He asked Noah in a separate side conversation. As it was any more possible, Noah’s smile got even bigger as he was about to talk about his favorite subject, even more so than tattooing 

“Last year Claire came in to get a tattoo, and Alex came with. We got to talking, and I just..” He trailed off and stared down his plate. “I just knew.”

“You guys just met last year and you’re married?” Tyson asked, not being able to comprehend such a short timeline. Noah laughed and began playing with the black band on his inked finger. “Yeah. We spent all of Claire’s session talking and began seeing each other immediately. Asked her to move in six months later, and then bought the ring two weeks later.” Alex now joined the conversation. “We were both cynical, as we have had our hearts broken, but it just felt right. When he asked, I said yes and we practically ran to city hall.”

Claire smiled. “We were all a bit shocked, but they are perfect together, and hey I get free tattoos now.”

Of course, the moment had to be ruined by Luke. “That’s crazy. Getting married so quick. Marriage is a serious commitment not to be taken lightly. You got to take your time. Get your life together first.”

Joel observed both sisters. Alex looked ready to rip his head off, while Claire looked dejected. “Yeah, but things are falling into place now. I just got my masters and I start my PhD program next fall.”

“Oh my god.” Luke interrupted. “Sean I got to show you what I just ordered.” He whipped out his phone and after a couple scrolls he turned the phone to face the group. “Its coming next month, my new toy.”

It was a picture of a truck, with an obnoxious shade of yellow. Sean’s jaw dropped.  “Dude you got a damn Hummer?”

Joel didn’t miss the way Claire stiffened. 

“Yep! Paid cash and customized it. Its got all of the features-” Claire excused herself to get more wine, while Alex followed her. If Joel had to guess, it wasn’t to fill up her wine glass, or maybe it was to down an entire bottle.

He chimed in on the conversation, trying to make his silence obvious, however not one person seemed to notice the sisters absence, so Joel told Travis he was going to get more water from the kitchen hoping that was where the girls were. 

The house was huge, so when he stepped into the kitchen he was confused, until he heard voices. Walking towards them, he stopped in front of the clear glass door when he saw they were in the wine cellar, Claire on the verge of tears while Alex was speaking. They looked at him and he realized he was probably looking like a massive creep. Alex opened the door.  “Are you lost Joel?”

He shook his head.  “Um no. I uh- just wanted to see if Claire was okay.”

“Alex, he can come in.” 

The door opened, and Joel came in. “I saw your reaction to his comment.” He couldn’t say his name. She sniffled.  “He didn’t tell me he bought a Hummer. I mean he mentioned it, but I didn’t think…” She trailed off..  “God this probably sounds soo stupid. We’re not married, and its his money, he can do what he wants with it. So I don’t know why I am upset.

Because he’d rather buy a sixty thousand dollar car than a ring. Joel thought but he didn’t dare say it. “Look I know I don’t have much experience with relationships, but if it upsets you you need to talk about it. Isn’t communication important or something like that?”

Claire laughed. “Oh Joel, you’re so young, but wise. Some girl is gonna be very lucky One day.”

that stung. “Yeah well. I'm not focusing on that.”

She smiled. “Let's go. I'm sure everyone is wondering where we went.” The group lect the huge cellar with a bottle of wine so it didn't look suspicious.

“Where did you go?” Laurence asked. Claire shrugged. “We all ran into each other trying to find another bottle of wine.”

“Darling. Not too much, don't want to be drunk.” Luke chimed in with a smile. Unaware that his own girlfriend was in tears over him. Claire ignored him.

Despite that hiccup, the rest of the night went off perfectly, and Joel found himself forgetting about Luke. He also couldn't help but notice Claire being drawn to him more.

However it none of that mattered as at the end of the night, Claire and Luke left together to go back to their life and Joel was going back to his condo alone.. well he had Morgan and Tyson. 

A.N. I am posting this quickly while I work on Chapter 3. Let me know if you guys are feeling this story.

[destinyc1020]

Sunday confession:

But sometimes I wished Tom and Z dated from 2016 to 2019, and that had been it. I'm aware this is a dark post, and you don't have to entertain this ask if you don't want to. If I had known them, being together could cause so much discourse, obsession, and vitriol as if they were Romeo and Juliet, the irony lol, I wouldn't have hoped as a Tomdaya from 2017. Like for both fandoms, it's too much. I've never been in a fandom where personal life cause so much noise like this. Like Z being asked about kissing her costars because somehow this kinks to Tom is not normal. Her having a film and memes about her and Tom take over is not normal. These are adults, not kids anymore. It also didn't help that they also have films together, such as SM4, where now I'm scared of that presstour cause how are ppl going to act when or if they get engaged. Will that be the whole presstour and not about the characters and film???

It's hard because who can be blamed for this? Is it their publicists for not omitting certain questions from the previous SM3 press tour? Is it the fans or antis whose tweets in praise or disgust get so many likes because ppl are so parasocial about them? Is it them for interacting with those fans, and now, as they are older, they want to have more boundaries, but the cant because ppl are still fixed on how accessible they were in the past? Is it filmbro critics and their biases who pit Timothee and Tom together that also aid fire to Z being used as a punching bag whenever she does a role with a male costars, ppl accues her of being unfaithful to Tom like it is not her job to kiss her costars?

I feel like no other young actors are dealing with this to this extent. Its too specific to them, which is draining cause they are so popular.

Timothee used to, but he stopped interacting with his fans post 2022 due to obsession with his personal life and the armie hammer situation. Also, it helps that he has done a lot of films, supporting and leads, so his works always speak more for himself than he does. Is it overexposure? Is it the consequences of being very moral in an amoral industry?

It's exhausting as a fan. I think what would kill the obsession is castings for both of them because then ppl have fodder to fixate on.

What do you think? Sorry for the long ask😭😭😭

Thanks for your confession Anon. 🥰

Whew! This was a long ask! 😅

I will try not to add too much to the length of this, but anyway...

First off.... right off the bat...

No, I personally wouldn't wish that Tom and Zendaya only dated each other from 2016-2019, because that's not what THEY would have wanted. The heart wants what it wants, and they are obviously blissfully happy and in love with each other. 🥰

I wouldn't wish them anything that they wouldn't want. I think fans forget that when two people want to be together, nothing and NOBODY can keep them apart from each other lol. 😅

With that said, I do find it weird that some fans become sooo parasocial over them.... whether individually, or as a couple. You're right, the constant speculation, obsession, finger-pointing, shipping Z with other costars, the persistent attention on their personal life, etc can get a bit exhausting at times as a fan. 😩😞

With that said, idk what the culprit is. 🤷🏾‍♀️ It's probably a combo of a lot of things honestly?

I just view it as a phase that they will have to ride out together ❤️. They've already done a very marvelous job of handing a very public rlshp with each other in the public eye very beautifully imo, especially with a famous as they are.

When you're in a rlshp with someone, you two are a TEAM.☺️ So I'm sure they will be able to handle whatever bumps come along the way because they've already done a beautiful job so far, and it's probably only made them stronger tbh. 🥰

[linernotesandseasons]

My 24 Favorite Albums of 2O24

Here we are! These are my 24 favorite albums of 2024! Well, there’s actually 32 haha! I added some bonus albums this year that are either EPs, live albums, or deluxe editions of albums I love. Here is a lot of super personal, rambling writing about my memories of these albums and why they are important to me. While 2023 was a more insular, “working on myself” year, 2024 had more outward facing highs & lows. A really fun & exhilarating Summer, followed by a fairly dark Winter. My writing this time around deals a lot with my inner thoughts, deep questions about life & death & time & magic, and how these songwriters & albums have made me think about it all. 2024 found me deeper in my thoughts than ever before. Still digging out, still figuring out who i’m gonna be, what I want to be, & where I want my life to go.

There is a deep thread of time running through these albums and my writing about them. I used these albums & songs as a way to “bend” time in my own life this year. To slow everything down. To appreciate songs & magic moments. Three minutes at a time. One walk at a time. One sunset at a time. Trying to make my 38th year last. I won’t belabor it here, I’m about to write some version of “magic” & “time” and “meaningful” in about 32+ different ways! If you’ve been following along over the years, I’ve been making this list every year since 2012, so this is my 13th annual! Every year I fall deeper in love with music and use it to guide my life in new & varied & exciting ways! I went to 141 live shows in 2024! I saw 13 (roughly 40%) of these artists live in 2024! As always, these are MY favorite albums and I use this blog as a way to introduce albums that I think are important (dare I say essential) for everyone to hear. Thanks to you for reading! And to all the artists listed below, thank you for creating these albums. Each one means so much to me, in ways I am still coming to understand, and they will all stay with me for the rest of my life. Without further ado, here they are!... My 24 favorite albums of 2024!

My 2024 Favorites Mixtape!

*

ADEEM THE ARTIST   /   Anniversary

“I came here with a strange & earnest feeling” 

This line is sung in the chorus of Adeem The Artist’s wistful “Part & Parcel” off their heartfelt third full length album Anniversary. A line that you could easily miss if you weren’t paying attention, a line so simple & so deep, a line that could stand as not only a mission statement for this album, but Adeem’s career. I feel that line. Like deep down, gut-punch feel it. Like it could be my mission statement. 

“I came here with a strange & earnest feeling” 

How do you explain a strange & earnest feeling? It’s the kind of iykyk moment that leaves me feeling understood by Adeem. Like the feelings go both ways. To be strange & earnest may be Adeem’s lifelong blessing & curse. The rest of the song rides along on a gorgeous lilt, a song of yearning, of trying to build a career in music “And the timelines interweave” Adeem croons mysteriously “creating patterns that I trace and fall asleep in my parents basement.” Verses about childhood & adulthood find Adeem chasing “all of these contradicting versions, childhood perversions, and dreams that never steer. Let them drive a little while so that I can disappear.” and then, like the late great Tom Petty they trail off and disappear back down south “Into the great unknown, I am nameless…”

Well, here we are, it’s 2024 and we’re starting this list in the exact same place we started 2021 AND 2022! Alphabetizing by first name has put Adeem on the top of this list 3 of the last 4 years, and I LOVE that! I love this album, I have loved following Adeem’s career, and I can’t wait to see what’s next! 

Anniversary is another absolutely, barnburning Adeem The Artist masterpiece. Dynamic, unpredictable, full of life & humor, a real real-life album full of glowing, autobiographical snippets and powerful political statements from Adeem’s colorful life. Adeem challenges the religious right (“Nightmare”),\ tackles personal relationship responsibility (“Wounded Astronaut”) fatherhood (“Rotations” is ummm… quite the tearjerker!) apocalyptic homesteading (“Plot of Land”) and of course, the Genocide in Palestine (“Night Sweats”) and the racist, murderous history of the south (“White Mule, Black Man”). Anniversary is the kind of album that attacks everyday problems with an “I don’t have all the answers, but singing & talking about it seems to be one of the only options we got” kind of way. But never fear, Adeem’s belly laugh humor is still present in these darkest of times. “Nancy” rides a perfect little twangy country riff and has my favorite laugh-out-loud opening line of the year “She’s got borderline personality disorder and in order to get off she’s gotta see me cry” Adeem contains multitudes! I have a feeling that opener “There We Are” is gonna be a deep favorite of mine for years to come. It wears its Josh Ritter vibes on its sleeve, a rumbling, rattling mystery, the kind of song you can listen to for years and still find meaning in it's strange & earnest darkness. All in all, Adeem has built a deep catalog of powerful folk & country songs; songwriting both immediate & timeless, songs that make me cry & laugh & dance along in the shower and the kitchen and on my late night walks!

I have this dream where we live in a music world where Adeem can headline Red Rocks. It’s sometime in the Summer, hot & sweaty, with dry lightning threatening in the distance, a show for the ages. Because this is my dream, I build the setlist and I describe the crowd. A sea of queer colors, cowboy hats and extravagant outfits, think Orville Peck & Kacey Musgraves meet Jason Isbell & Tyler Childers meet Chappell Roan & the swifties. Adeem comes out with a deep cut opener, I’m gonna choose “Carolina” (the slow burn opener from 2022’s White Trash Revelry, I mean “I started out as a light in my father’s eyes” is a fucking baller Red Rocks opening line!) although as a diehard I’d also like to hear "Chicken Scratch Love" get the same re-record treatment that “Carolina” got (Adeem?! LP4?!) So yeah, that 2019 raucous, sunset strummer about kissing, hiking, cigarettes, west coast road trips, summer rain, gin, more kissing, yeah, that one comes second! The sun is going down now and I like a slow burn start, but the Red Rocks crowd needs some energy, so I vote “Plot of Land” Adeem’s 50’s blues rocking, Johnny B. Goode ode to homesteading next! Rife with blueberry bushes & pecan trees (you better pronounce it PEE-can) and against the throes of the economic crisis, Adeem belts an inspiring, uplifting anthem that looks to hope “the world’s all wrong and we don’t belong, but baby we’re making us a better one, and it ain’t just us with a heart full of justice, it’s tough, but it’s catching on!” They jam this one out a few minutes, settling into the Red Rocks stage, the band is hot and Adeem is laughing & dancing; before launching into back to back face-punch protest songs, Anniversary’s “Nightmare” and 2022’s “Heritage of Arrogance.” “Nightmare” embodies the same “put yourself in someone else’s shoes” supposedly christian ideal that Tyler Childers referenced so powerfully back in 2020 when he released Long Violent History. At the root of my growth & change over the last 10 years of my life is putting myself in someone else’s shoes. Taking them at their word. Making their problems my problems. After that, it’s time to have some good old fashioned country fun. The crowd participation singalong “Going To Hell” backs perfectly into “One Night Stand” the greatest country love song written in the last five years. If you like late 90’s, early 2000’s classic (and maybe kinda shitty) country music (think Garth, Toby, Tim McGraw, Alan Jackson, Travis Tritt etc…) don’t sleep on Adeem’s classic country bangers! It’s almost dark now, a perfect Summer night and the moon will be rising soon, and hey I got an idea! Maybe Nathaniel Rateliff wants to surprise-guest-come-out and sing & dance a little (I’m thinking “Fast Cars” or “Socialite Blues”) cuz Adeem’s got big band rock & blues & soul bangers too! There’s space in here for a few deep cuts, I’ll let Adeem play whatever they're feeling, my only request is that they hop on the grand piano and play my 2022 fav “For Judas.” I’d also like a little, in-the-crowd-banjo-medley moment with Cast Iron Pansexual favs “I Never Came Out” “Honeysuckle Hipbily Homo-Erotica” “Going to Heaven” and the silly random fav “Asheville Blues” (which I think Adeem could turn into a Boulder joke probably). I could see Adeem throwing one big cover song in, but I definitely want a full band version of “Fervent for the Hunger” for my closer. A strange & earnest feeling song, an “I’m still figuring out who I am & why I feel this way” song. A barnburner, a whooper, a lifelong favorite, trafficking wonder, "sutured with lip gloss & hot sauce & Indian summers" I'm dancing & singing & cry laughing "just a kid with a mixed up head... fervent for the hunger..."

For the encore, I’d love if we could welcome another VIP local guest, Gregory Alan Isakov out to play a duet, and in thinking about the threads between Adeem & Gregory, I’d love if they could do John Prine. I’d pick “Far From Me” since it’s late Summer, but take your pick Adeem and Gregory! After that Adeem plays their most streamed sp*tify song “Middle of a Heart” a trigger warning, tearjerker about America’s gun crisis, veteran suicide, and sobering small town truths. Finally, Adeem closes with their lifer tune “Live Forever” a reverb drenched showstopper about life & death. As Adeem’s guitar echoes out across the rocks, everyone sings along “I’m a daughter of feminine wisdom, son of the American dream” Adeem is singing for all of us now, this isn’t just for them to carry on, this is for us. What will be remembered about you when you’re gone “Sing one of my songs from time to time” Adeem asks, and I promise through my tears that I will. As the last notes drone out, I realize that Adeem is years into building a catalog. A collection of songs that mean a whole lot to a few of us. The kind of grassroots career that takes a lot of time and a lot of work. Adeem is in the middle of it now, Collections of songs that have marked time & space for me since 2019. Songs & albums that mean the world to me. Anniversary is a special album, An album about cycles, an album about timelines. Adeem came here with a strange & earnest feeling, and I’m leaving with that same feeling. Walking down the steps under a full moon, singing quietly to myself, daydreaming about my own personal cycles & timelines and how they interweave. Thanks Adeem, I'll hold onto these songs & feelings forever.

"Now Isley’s in the backyard with fists of Dandelion / mixing potions up in mason jars with mint & wild violet / were that I could trap that laughter in a vial around my neck / save it for the hard times so that I could open it / 'cause I know it goes fast, everybody says that / it’s on every fellow parents lips / but it’s true and it’s coming fast for you / that sweet & beautiful eclipse..."

*

ADRIANNE LENKER   /   Bright Future

In 2024 I talked & wrote & thought a lot about the power of music to bend time. How a song can stretch 3 minutes out for eternity, freezing & melting & twisting time. Forcing me to let go, giving me the space I need to slow down, to mark things, to feel the sobering, eternal passing of time, to live in the moment. Perhaps no other record on this list practices that magic as deeply as Adrianne Lenker does on Bright Future. Recorded straight to tape, 3 minute moments memorialized for eternity; Adrianne sings about time like she knows a secret I haven’t found yet. A secret that she wants to tell me. Whispering in my ear under the cover of a blanket fort. Since we’re bending time a little, let’s start at the end. “So much coming through” Lenker sings longingly on pleading closer “Ruined.” Over hushed, sustained piano, she sings about a missed connection, a secret, faraway love. “So much coming through, every hour too, can’t get enough of you, you come around I’m ruined.” Every hour is how I marked the passing of time with Bright Future this year. Every song another chance to bend, to focus on just an hour. When I listened to this album, I sometimes listened to it as a whole, transfixed the entire way through. Sometimes, I would loop one song for an hour. 3 minutes turning into 9 minutes, turning into 33 minutes and on & on… When “Ruined” loops over into “Real House” Lenker sings plainly about her childhood, telling us a story of growing up. “Do you remember running?” she asks innocently “the purity of the air around. Braiding willow branches into a crown.” In that question, I am hers. I too want to talk childhood, I too am obsessed with the same youthful magic & teenage love that we’ve been seeking since those early days. The power in Lenker’s writing is how it feels like a conversation. When I listen to Bright Future we are staying up late together, maybe walking through my beloved Cheesman Park, pointing out trees that look like monsters, pointing out the clouds & stars & city lights, noticing the late night magic. Maybe we’re drinking wine out of paper to-go cups, she is sharing her teenage trauma, she is sharing her 31 year old trauma, she is sharing, sharing, oversharing. The kind of convos that might scare off less serious friends, but are really the most important thing we have. 

Bright Future marks another chapter in what is becoming quite the songwriting streak for Big Thief’s primary songwriter Adrianne Lenker. Between her solo work & Big Thief, she has released 8 albums in the last 8 years (I might be missing some actually, but it's well over 100 songs in total!) all full of her now trademarked magical, mystical, down-to-earth songwriting style. She is critically acclaimed & widely celebrated at 31 years old. Perhaps my favorite album title of the year, Bright Future marks the year that Lenker returns to my favorite albums list. When I talk about my favorite songwriters, I often tell people how a new album from them feels like an overdue, deep friend check in. How have they’ve been? Where’s their head at? What are they up to and what deep questions have they been pondering? Lenker’s writing makes good on those check-in convos, Bright Future touches on the apocalyptic horrorscape that is the rise of capitalism & the fall of civilization all around us. But despite that darkness, she is spinning tales of love, deep deep love, and how happy she is to play in this world. Personal favorites include “Fool” a vibey indie bop that my littlest sister showed me before I landed in Arkansas last June. “We could be friends” Adrianne asks sweetly as only she can “You could love me through & through” before sharing what could be the best relationship/life advice on this whole list “Just say what it is that you want.” From there “Fool” (and the rest of the record) tell tales of all her real life friends (Tommy, Kenny, Lu-y, Zoe, B, Jamie, Max, John, Lucky, Jerry, the list goes on). Album centerpiece, and all-time love song “Free Treasure” invites a lover to a secret river spot, to dance, to sing, to cook together, leading to a chorus that speaks deeper of love than any song I can remember from the last 15 years. “You show me understanding, patience & pleasure, time & attention, love without measure.” This is a “Landslide” level all-time great song, put it up there with “Fast Car, “Tangled Up In Blue,” and “Hallelujah.” Lenker is swinging for the fences, shooting for the moon, leaving a blazing comet trail of songwriting greatness. 

Through it all, Lenker’s songs consistently saw me through another challenging year. They look past our current darkness, they see… idk… a Bright Future. They are rooted in the everyday, mundane conversations, the kind of magic that comes from being completely and absolutely yourself. The kind of relationships that can only be built on meeting people where they are, where you are. Telling the truth, leaning into love, looking for a future, somewhere deeper, somewhere brighter. On an album full of lifelong love songs, Lenker asks the kind of questions I like to ask. She experiences love the same way I seem to experience it. When she sings to a lover on the oooof-inducing  “Sadness As A Gift” it feels like she is singing to me and no one else “You & I could see into the same eternity” she states sweetly “every second brimming with a majesty. Oh kiss so sweet, so fine, you could hear the music inside my mind, and you showed me a place I’ll find even when I’m old.” Is that place the secret river spot you were telling us about in “Free Treasure“? A place “so deep & green, with wild raspberries & apple trees & rocks to climb between, with water like a washing machine.” I have a feeling Adrianne has a few places like this, and honestly, they can be found (or created) right in your home, in your own mind, just “Leaning on the windowsill.” Finally as “Sadness” finishes, she throws out a question. A random deep thought, an idea about the passing of time that sometimes seems to occupy 100% of my mind. “The seasons go so fast, thinking that this one was gonna last...” Maybe we talk about it for hours together. Maybe this one is gonna last. Or maybe, just maybe… idk, Lenker shakes her head and laughs it off, a laugh like the washing machine river water at the secret free treasure river spot  “Maybe the question was too much to ask…”

"We moved into a real house, a wild field behind it / I wanted to be an inventor, collected scraps to make a portal / I wanted so much for magic to be real..."

*

ANGÉLICA GARCIA  /  Gemelo

It has been four long years since Angélica Garcia topped my 2020 favs list with her breakout sophomore album Cha Cha Palace, a record that I called “a rhythmic, bombastic masterpiece.”  In those four years I feel like everything has changed for me. I’m now single & living alone, working towards an entirely different career; older, wiser, but I still feel mostly the same. Similarly, Garcia has been busy in the four years since Cha Cha. Musically, she has mostly moved away from the aggressive, blues inflected electric guitar from her first two albums and leaned more heavily into vocal looping. Her voice is a showstopper and when I finally saw her live last February opening for Blonde Redhead at the Gothic, I was blown away by how much power she could generate on a stage by herself! Gemelo practically burns with cascading, evocative vocals, slithering & pirouetting over dark, moody electronic beats. Personally, Garcia has also lived a lifetime since Cha Cha, ending an engagement and moving back to her LA home to be closer to her family. In press for Gemelo, Garcia talked plainly about the grief & pain that came with the ending of that relationship, about not feeling like a “good person,” and the weight & freedom of choosing yourself, even if that means hurting someone else. Gemelo is sung almost entirely in Spanish (a first for Garcia), so I haven’t been able to pick up or translate many of the lyrics. In fact, my goal from this album is to finally put some effort into starting to learn Spanish in 2025! Will update you next year! In the swirling, dreamy “Color De Dolor” she references the pain & grief of her last four years singing “even though I will never sever the ties with my pains, I paint them full of colors.”

A loose, concept album about processing personal grief, Gemelo means “Twin” in Spanish. Garcia says it refers more to the “twin self,” the unseen version of you that exists deep inside, like she cleverly sings on the aptly named “Gemini” “I see double, I see double, everywhere I go.” Garcia says that the writing for Gemelo really began when she had a mini epiphany about trusting yourself. She said she felt like she could trust her body more than her brain. With that in mind, Gemelo started to take shape around the musicality, both Garcia’s commanding vocals, and the dynamic electronic backing rhythms. Produced by Chicano Batman’s Carlos Arrevalo, Garcia says she wanted the beats to sound “elemental,” like dirt & rocks, water &  lava. This is a dance record, but not in the same way that BRAT is. These songs are sensual & slinky, moving loosely & languidly, sometimes sneaking up with sparks and stutter steps, but all living in a constantly moving body. When Garcia really does cut loose (ok, “Y Grito” & “El Que” could both totally live on Cha Cha Palace, and never fear, she has not lost one ounce of her in-your-face bombast!) the results are explosive & demonstrative. Garcia belting over pounding drums, her voice swirling to the ceiling, dreamy, sweaty, sexy, strong.

As Garcia started to trust her body to Gemelo, she encourages us to do the same. I’ve taken to dancing in my kitchen in the dark more often. It helps if I’m a little tipsy, but I’m not usually much of a dancer, especially not in public. If we’ve gone to shows together that I’m really into, you’ve probably seen me bop around, but it’s not really dancing. At the encouragement of Angélica & Gemelo and others on this list (get ready, I’m definitely leaning more into electronic music these last couple of years!) I’ve been tried to move my body more. Slowly at first, feeling the music in my arms and legs, loosening my neck, loosening my heart. I’m always a lyric-listener, so it’s nice to take my mind off the words and think about how the music feels. How it seeps & traces & moves through my body. To let it take me over, from my head to my toes, through my chest and out my arms to my fingers. A surrendering process, a healing process. Thank you Angélica & Gemelo for teaching me and moving me this year. I hope to keep learning, keep moving, keep living, keep loving. This album is special.

"Llegas a decirme 'esto también pasará, entre las reflexiones dentro amores, ya sanará...'"

"You come to tell me 'this too shall pass, among the reflections within loves, it will heal...'"

*

*ANGIE McMAHON   /   Light Sides*

If you read this list last year, you know that Angie McMahon’s earth-shatteringly magical sophomore album Light, Dark, Light Again was my favorite album of the year. The songs on Light, Dark, Light Again were healing, essential, & life changing when I needed them most. Years & years from now, when I’m in my 40s, I hope to look back and remember what it felt like to hear those songs for the first time. The soft, summery opening swell of “Saturn Returning” (a call to dance, a call to love your body & mind, a call to be “wide awake when I’m 40!”) to the measured, dedicated drive of “Letting Go” (a call to be proud of yourself, a call to let go, surrender, & move on. A call to not only love, but celebrate the mistakes you make) to the final seance; the captivating, illuminating, life changing “Making It Through” (a call to grow, a call to survive, a call for routine & cycles, a whole life in one song). A mantra I’ve repeated desperately, quietly, & finally peacefully “light, dark, light again…” Safe to say, Angie’s writing means the world to me. Since the album came out in late Fall, my listening carried over into 2024, making her my most streamed sp*tify artist of the year. Last March I planned a trip to San Francisco to see my friend Steph (& her fiance Sarah!) and we saw Angie for the first time at the Chapel. It was powerful, emotional & spiritual in ways that I’m still fully understanding. One of my favorite concerts I’ve ever been in a room for. Most of that show is on youtube if you’re interested! One of my favorite nights of 2024. I felt so so so lucky to be there.

In late July, Angie announced that she had a few more “light” songs that hadn’t made the album, and that she’d be releasing them as singles for this EP. Light Sides. I knew from the first moments of first single “Just Like North” that these songs were just as special. Like catching up with an old, close friend after some big life changing experiences, Angie’s voice sounds familiar & comforting, singing about more change... more light & dark! “This season is for going back to the sea” she states majestically, still trying to shake some of the pain & mistakes that were littered throughout Light. If you ask me years from now, I’ll probably believe that these songs exist as part of the full album, a swirling, building masterpiece. They come from the same place, feel the same emotion… Sooooo... most nights in August I could be found roaming Cheesman Park, making mistakes like Angie encouraged, believing from the bottom of my heart that (as “Just Like North” concludes) “If you get everything right… then there’s nothing else left.” So cheers to making mistakes & not getting everything right! Personal favorite “Untangling” hones in on the change Angie keeps referencing, she is growing, she is changing, she is “untangling you from my center.” Finally, the root of many of my lessons over the last 2+ years, the kind of truth that cuts deep & hurts to hear, Angie states firmly “my least favorite feeling is hurting someone cuz I was slow at healing.” OOOF Angie. Fuck. I think so many of the lessons I’m learning, so much of why I sometimes feel insular, removed, & distant, circles around this idea. At its core, it means to love others you must first love yourself, Must do your own healing. It doesn’t mean you have to heal right away. It doesn’t mean you have to abandon friends & loved ones. But everytime I doubt my process, everytime I question why I’m still single & alone, I sing that line back to myself. I work on my own healing. I try to be good to others, I try to be good to myself. Light Sides stands as a sister to Light, Dark, Light Again, a really special little EP to me. But wait! There is one more song! On December 12, English superstar DJ Fred again.. (wayyyyy more on him if you keep scrolling!) released his remixed version of “Making It Through” simply called “light dark light.” A perfectly simply closing. A magnificent celebration of the power of a song. When I recognized Angie in my yearly spot*fy wrapped post, the message she recorded for her top fans said that she was excited to “keep writing the next thing” and then she said “I hope you’re excited for the next year and the next thing!” I am Angie. I fucking am. Thank you for every single one of these songs. They will be with me for the rest of my life.

"Pain will be on every map just like north is / pain will be in every year just like august / & if you get everything right... then there's nothing else left..."

*

BRITTANY HOWARD   /   What Now

I don’t really know where to start or what to write about Brittany Howard’s second solo album What Now. This is an incredible, legendary album made by a superstar. I’m hesitant to hurl hyperbole but What Now conjures visions of Prince, Curtis Mayfield, Daft Punk, Stevie Wonder, Nina Simone & Alice Coltrane. These songs are ALIVE and they contain multitudes. Never has an album this varied, this galactically genre-jumping, sounded this cohesive. Brittany’s heart & brain, hands & voice all work together to make What Now an absolute masterpiece. This list has always been a very “Matt’s-favorites-not best” list, but if I had to pick an objectively best album on this list, it is hands down What Now.  

First off, Brittany has pushed the boundaries outward in all directions, tackling wildly varying soundscapes, genres, & feelings. From the fiery, flowing funk of the title track, to the vocal acrobatics and lush 60’s-meets-modern-pop production of “I Don’t” (if “Sound & Color” is your favorite Alabama Shakes song, start here!) to the dance-y (cuz OF COURSE Brittany can do dark, chill house vibes better than all yall) groove of “Prove It To You.” How Howard turned these intimate, delicate songs into stadium level anthems is a masterclass. I don’t usually put chart-topping, grammy winners on this list; because my blog is more to introduce people to new music, to find the undiscovered songwriters, but it’s clear that Brittany Howard is a superstar for a reason. When I wrote about Kendrick Lamar’s DAMN in 2017 I said “This is the kind of album you make from the top of the mountain, huddled in the cave, searching for enlightenment.” When I wrote about Florence Welch’s Dance Fever in 2022, I asked if she had "some demon or angel inside of her, something that all great artists have that forces them to create.” Brittany Howard has entered a rare stratosphere on What Now, having conquered the world with her rocking, retro-soul band Alabama Shakes, and won grammys for her solo debut album Jaime. She truly is creating from the top of the mountain, embodying the "What Now?" idea that the album title suggests. What she has given us is nothing short of a career-defining, future looking, alien spaceship, time capsule, all-time-instant-classic sophomore solo album.

I guess, what I love the most about What Now, is just how freakin GOOD the songs sound. The instrumentation is absolutely phenomenal (read some gear interviews with Howard, she is a true music nerd!) Brittany’s voice is earth shattering, and EVERY SINGLE SONG is like its own little universe to explore. Favorite moments include: The first piano chord on the album, 23 seconds into “Earth Sign” surrounded by swirling crystal singing bowls (Howard uses them between songs to set the vibe) the keys paired with her airy, harmonic layered vocals sounds like something from 2050. Or the sweet jazz trumpet outro in the last 2.5 minutes of “Samson” one of my favorite musical interludes of the year. Or the slinky guitar riff that slides in with the groovy soul vocals 20 seconds into “Power To Undo” before the song absolutely fucking lifts off in full Prince fashion 45 seconds in. Through it all, Howard’s voice is the flashlight, the lighthouse, & the beacon; shining through everything, steering the songs upwards & outwards, navigating through dizzying, tangled webs of intertwining bass & keys & guitars & synths & drums, always in search of truth. When Brittany was asked about her creative voice on What Now, she answered simply & deeply... “I turned 35 this year and something happened, just snapped. I don’t really care what anyone thinks about my expression, because it’s so divinely mine.” What Now indeed. 

“Out there, there's a love waiting for me / I can feel, I can’t see, but will I know? / will I know when I feel it? / the first moment I see it / the first moment that I hear you say my name / will you say my name?... / in the wet of my eyes / in the wind of my chest / it’s nearly there…”

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*CHARLI XCX / Brat and it’s completely different but also still brat*

You didn’t think I was gonna leave BRAT off this list did you?! I’m choosing the deluxe edition for a couple of specific reasons, although tbh, the original BRAT is just  “disc 2” of the deluxe edition and it fucks as hard as everyone says it does and you can totally just listen to that all next Summer and have yourself a Brat Summer Vol. 2. I don’t need to go super in depth on the BRAT hits of here, I mean, the first 10 seconds of banging club-ready opener “360” will forever take me back to early Summer 2024. The soaring, bumping chorus of personal fav “Sympathy is a Knife” (which always reminded me of peak mid-2010’s CHVRCHES) is enough to get my adrenaline pumping, and the thumping 80’s groove of “Apple” is nostalgic in the best kind of way. It’s hard to believe these songs have only been in the world for less than a year. There were hot Summer days where I walked across Cheesman and heard BRAT songs blasting from multiple speakers on multiple blankets, soundtracking multiple boozy picnics, shirtless volleyball games, and dog hangs. I can’t remember a better example of INSTANT CLASSIC. Charli is a superstar and BRAT is career defining.

I’m choosing the deluxe edition for a couple of different, very specific & meaningful reasons. Reason number one is for the power a song or an album can have to morph & grow & change. Everyone's favorite BRAT songs have taken on new forms here, and they’re glowing with the power to influence your life in different ways and at different times. Examples of that power are littered throughout this list and throughout my life as a music fan. Songs that you fell in love with one season, can come back to you in a different way in another season. Songs that you weren’t ready for one year, can find you exactly when you need them. An old song sung in a new way can change the world. Reason number two is to memorialize the night that the deluxe edition came out on sp*tify. My siblings & I were in Durham, North Carolina for my cousin’s wedding and my brother Willie & were en route to RDU to pick up our youngest sister Bethy at midnight. We parked in the satellite lot under the moon to wait for her to land and played the 1975’s version of “I might say something stupid.” as loud as our rental car speakers would allow. The 1975 is Willie’s favorite band, and Bethy, Will & I have bonded over them and the Japanese House over the years, and The 1975 actually made this list back in 2020. We sit silent in the car as Matty Healy coos over whisper sweet piano, and it could be any year. It’s 2015 and Willie is moving to Portland, Oregon. We’re racing across bridges over the Willamette River, city lights dancing behind us, playing each other Angels & Airwaves, Frightened Rabbit, Typhoon, Macklemore, The Boxer Rebellion, LANY, The National, and the 75. We’re talking about new girls we like. About coffee & baseball, figuring out religion, figuring out life. The rain blurs the window and the wipers whip us forward another year. We’re winging our way to the coast, sweeping through gloriously green coastal pines with glimpses of ocean blue peeking between rocky cliffs. Then I’m crying on the plane, headed back home. Fast forwarding years and I’m in Arkansas now with Bethy. We’re getting a nightcap beer in some little hipster spot in Fayetteville. Talking about her life there. About growing up. About some deep, existential shit, bending time or whatever. I’m zoning out, looking out the window, listening to Matty Healy’s voice melt with Charli’s, flashing back to 2015, to 2020, to last month, to sunset. Time flings us all forward and now we’re in some unrecognizable state. There are trees yes, and a coastline, and I don’t know exactly what year it is, but I feel much older. We’re talking about Brat Summer and how “those were the days...” Willie’s daughter (my perfect niece Coco) is in college and crushing it, Bethy is married and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been… We’re all laughing about something. We can hear our other brothers & sisters laughing somewhere down the shore, walking back at dusk. I snap back and it’s now. Here. This year. We pick Bethy up at midnight and blast Charli (and honestly probably The Japanese House and The ‘75!) together on the drive home to the airbnb. BRAT sounds just as fucking fantastic in the Fall. Brat Summer is a feeling. Brat Summer is a state of mind. Brat Summer is for all of us. Brat Summer is for now. Brat Summer is forever...

"Fall... fallin'... fall in love... fall in love again... fall in love again & again... / (it's like you're living the dream, but you're not living your life...) / church bells in the distance / free bleeding in the autumn rain / fall in love again & again..."

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CINDY LEE   /   Diamond Jubilee

Like a ghostly transcript from an alien radio station, Cindy Lee’s Diamond Jubilee slipped into my life in April and refused to leave. It was like one day I had never heard of Cindy Lee, and a week later, all of my music feeds were raving about this mysterious album from long tenured Canadian indie musician Patrick Flegel, who performs in their drag persona as Cindy Lee. Flegel spent a chunk of the late 2000’s fronting influential Canadian post-punk band Women, but they clearly have more up their sleeve; and have spent the last five years dreaming up the mythically massive scope of Diamond Jubilee. A masterpiece, a magnum opus. 2+ hours & 30+ songs! Music lovers unite! Of course I first heard about it word-of-mouth from a much cooler co-worker (love you Ike!) He told me it was only available to listen to through a youtube link on Cindy’s geocities website (as of writing, it’s still not available on streaming, but the youtube video has 1.6 MILLION views!) but that they were playing Hi-Dive here in Denver in a couple weeks! I should have bought tickets right then, but I waited and subsequently got shut out of their hella sold out Hi-Dive show, a couple days before they cancelled the rest of their tour. But honestly, I didn’t mind. I like having some things that are a little inaccessible, that make you work to earn it. You could call Cindy’s approach hipster allegiance to DIY & underground culture, or just a groundbreaking artist refusing to play by the rules. Diamond Jubilee feels like a calculated, artistic choice to practice some scarcity. As much as I love a good album rollout, it can get a little exhausting. To be honest, it was refreshing to wake up on a blue Saturday morning in April & May and simply click on that 2 hour-straight-through youtube and listen while I made coffee & breakfast with the windows open. Transported to another time, another planet, another life. WIthout knowing the name of a single song, or being able to sing one lyric, Cindy Lee stole my heart. 

It's hard for me to explain what exactly makes this album so special musically. To me, it plays as a whole. I can’t tell you which song is which; a fact I primarily attribute to playing that unbroken youtube link, starting at different points, never certain if I was at the end or the beginning. Or both? Or neither? Dreamy, moody, hard to place, like that mixtape your friend’s much cooler older sister showed you in High School. Mystical & magical, but warm & tangible, like you could make these songs yours too. I hear The Beatles, I hear Fruit Bats, I hear classic soul & 50s & 60s girl groups. I also hear modern folk & indie rock, sung gorgeously throughout in Cindy’s timelessly retro falsetto. This is how Lord Huron WISHES they sounded! Songs painted with western vistas of plains & canyons, distant city lights, UFOs & headlights over the dunes. I turn the dial and scan the AM radio waves, past minor league baseball & late night talk shows, until a warped acoustic guitar makes me stop in my tracks. I fiddle but it still doesn’t sound quite right. I hold my breath, Cindy sweeps in like an angel, the music pulses & sways and you just feel it. I bop along in the driver’s seat, smiling at just how good it sounds. I’m reminded of the power of music to transport me. I could be anyone, on any planet, in any lifetime. I’m happy to be me. I’m happy to love anything as much as I love this exact song at this exact moment. I roll down the window. The air is warm & light and feels like real Spring. The night stretches on, but it doesn’t matter. I could listen to this album till the end of time. Till the aliens come. Thank you Cindy. You deserve every single accolade. This is why I love MUSIC. Long Live Cindy Lee. Long Live Diamond Jubilee.

"Through my window, a silver moon / an open suitcase in an empty room / all I've got is the truth / all I want is you..."

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CLEMENTINE WAS RIGHT   /   Tell Yourself You’re Going Home

There is a scene in one of my secret favorite “random-life” movies, the soul searching “Away We Go” where 30-something couple Burt & Verona (played sweetly by long time favs John Krasinski & Maya Rudolph) lay in bed together and she asks him honestly “Burt, are we fuckups” Burt answers emphatically “NO! What do you mean?!” She replies “we’re 34 and we don’t even have this basic life stuff figured out. Basic like how to live. I mean, we have a cardboard window!” They argue briefly about whether or not they’re “fuckups” (an internal argument that I’ve had with myself more than I care to admit over the last 8+ years of being a 30-something, a battle of positive/negative self-talk) before the scene launches into Alexi Murdoch’s haunting “Blue MInd” (I highly recommend both the movie and Alexi’s gorgeous soundtrack!) and Burt & Verona spend the rest of the movie searching for a place where they fit. A place where they are free to be fuckups AND be happy. I think of this scene everytime I listen to the seagull-soundtracked, aptly titled, mournfully silly  “It’s Ketchup (We’re Fuckups)” on Clementine Was Right’s majestic third (Junior?!) album Tell Yourself You’re Going Home. Clementine Was Right sings songs for all us fuckups. For the 30-40 somethings who care so much about the world. About feeling things and experiencing things, about celebrating the tiny, wonderful, magical things all around us. Maybe we have a cardboard window & a broken faucet, maybe we struggle with health insurance & car insurance & finding where we fit. But when the light pours out like syrup or ketchup (or a concrete wall loves the color of the sky at dusk!) sometimes, with the right song, it feels ok to be a fuckup. 

The songs on Tell Yourself You’re Going Home have wedged their way into my life in essential pieces over the last year and a half. After putting their 2022 album Can’t Get Right With The Darkness on my favorite albums list (I called it “a postcard of American rock & roll, with silly drawings on the back in gel pen from all your queer friends”)  I finally met Clementine’s captain & lead storyteller Mike Young & his partner (and Clem’s resident poet & narrator) Gion Davis at shows and became friends. In that way, I’ve had many of these lyrics memorized from live performances long before the recorded versions were released. This is a secret, special way to learn favorite songs, a deep, deep connection. Believe me when I say, the Tell Yourself You’re Going Home release show in May at The Roxy on Broadway was one of the most special live shows of my music going career. When people ask me about my all time favorite “local” bands, Clementine Was Right always makes my list. 

The songs on TYYGH are special. Mike writes from the heart and he wears his heart on his sleeve. Painfully heartfelt, with little silly bits, streaked with Mike’s passion to tell everybody’s stories. To recount the dumb little details. To notice as much as possible. There is a theory I’ve built that started buzzing in my brain around a Mountain Goats lyric about “nameless bodies in unremembered rooms” and to be honest it goes deeper than songwriting. At its core it’s the idea that we need to care about people that we don’t know, in places we’ve never been. It’s the type of thinking that leads us to feel deeply for the Palestinian genocide, to mourn the murders of trans women in the US, and the countless Native Americans gone missing without a trace. We don’t just care that Paris Hilton’s house burned down in the LA wildfire because we know her name, you get it right? In a lighter sense, songwriters tell us stories and give names to those people (and since songwriting is my portal) it serves to change my views, and therefore my life. Mike names everyone, from Travis, Jesse, Hunter & Charlene in “There Are No More Almond Trees” (the unfortunately way-too prescient apocalyptic punch to the gut opener that sounds like the kind of scream-y indie rock I would’ve blasted in high school & college) to Christine & her late husband Paul in the tear-soaked “Coca-Cola Vigil.” He tells stories, he remembers your story, he makes each & every person he comes in contact with feel like their story is essential & important, worth singing about, worth remembering. 

In June of 2023 (a month before it’s actual release!) Mike texted me a wav file of “River Boys” (a new song they’d been playing live) and I played it on repeat for all my Summer creek adventures over the next two Summers! Imagine Tom Petty (or idk Matchbox 20?!) wrote a gay love song to a river, to the passing of time, to life & death, to the end of the world. It’s like it was meant for me! My other personal favorite “Takes Tall Walks” was the lead single (suicide trigger warning here) and it’s hard to think of a better opening line on this list than...

“Well I love the kitchens of all my friends / Every mug for whiskey, every regal pet.”

Clementine’s entire discography (dare I say life philosophy) can be wrapped up in that one line; songs for hanging in kitchens with friends, songs for mugs of whiskey, songs for regal pets. Songs about life & love & the passing of time. Finally, TYYGH arrives at its penultimate track “Goddamn Universe,” an earth-shattering poem from Mike’s partner Gion, the critically acclaimed New Mexican poet. When I wrote about their 2022 album, I talked about how Mike & Gion’s writing is all tangled up in the story of Clementine. Their lives, their voices, their writing, their words echoing off each other, reverberating against reverb drenched electric guitar strums, careening down hallways like summer thunderstorms, lightning & wind, time going on forever in a never ending flat circle. Songs & poems for lovers & friends & fuckups, Summer looming over the ocean, hard blue linoleum, another year passing, love platonic & romantic, the little things, the massive things, everything… I would have crossed state lines for less.

"You told the world 'I feel lost' / you told the world 'let me off' / you watched the lightning take tall walks... / & I want to tell you I see everything / two redwood trees at the edge of the beach..."

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DEERLADY   /   Greatest Hits

Greatest Hits is the debut album from Deerlady, the brand new indie, shoegaze, slowcore supergroup duo of Mali Obomsawin & Magdalena Abrego. The songs on Greatest Hits are moody, dark & mesmerizing, led by Abrego's rhythmic, explosive guitar and Obomsawin's dreamy, floating vocals. This album fucking rocks. Deerlady was started by classically trained bassist, composer & songwriter Mali Obomsawin (whose gorgeous solo album nearly made this list in 2022). As she was writing more rock inspired songs a side project, she reached out to fellow Berklee alum, free jazz, punk guitarist Magdalena Abrego to form Deerlady. The result is nothing short of incredible. More supergroups please people! More collaborative writing projects! Deerlady is a force. “Honestly, it just feels fucking great to be in a rock band” Obomsawin said with a laugh in press for Greatest Hits. “I feel like that’s my natural state, but then I have to put on my suit jacket and pretend to be a respectable grownup when I play in my jazz band.” (Obomsawin has fronted the Mali Obomsawin Sextet for years on the jazz festival circuit). Abrego adds “I feel like clarinet-playing, childhood goth girl Magdalena would be so psyched right now! The thing I’m most excited about is the opportunity to be in a rock band!” That excitement, that “fucking great” feeling can be felt throughout Deerlady’s songs. Abrego’s unhinged, raging, spiraling guitar swells in and eviscerates Obomsawin’s vocals like a crashing wave. Obomsawin wails, her bass throbs, Deerlady is the fully realized result of two world class musicians cutting loose together, making rock & roll for the fun & anger & fire of it all. 

While recording Greatest Hits, Obomsawin was reached out to by Reservation Dogs (best soundtracks ever!) to provide a song. She is a citizen of the Odanak First Nation and the blending of her & Abrego’s indigenous & immigrant cultures is an essential part of Deerlady’s music. Do a little googling & reading about Native American genocide and the "Save The Man" idea found in the lyrics of the gentle droning “Masterpieces.” When Rez Dogs reached out, Obomsawin sent them the at-that-point unreleased version of the sweet, hushed “There There” that was featured in the show. As someone who is always shazamming songs from TV shows, movie trailers, in coffee shops & bars, I know the feeling of trying desperately to figure out “who plays this song?!” only to be denied. The hype around “There There” helped convince Deerlady that Greatest Hits was… gonna be a thing. I’m sharing the full lyrics of “There There” at the end of this review, it is a powerfully tender love song, one of my favorites of the year. RIYL: Big Thief, Phoebe Bridgers, indigenous songwriters, & crying in your car lol. If you keep reading this list, you’ll find two other albums that pair so perfectly with Deerlady, that they make a sort of triangle. The PNW shoegaze of Somesurprises & the New Mexican indigenous rock of Lindy Vision are both powerful touchstones that Deerlady sits between. At their core, their songs most remind me of one of my all time favorite bands, Black Belt Eagle Scout. Deerlady is definitely a new favorite, please don’t miss their ferocious KEXP session from last month, Greatest Hits is exactly what it claims to be… a debut record for the ages. 

“What you want, what you need, what you love, who you really are / if you dare, if you don’t, if you try and you wanna cry / there there… / seeing you, being two, facing one, lost in motion / barricades going up, coming down, your arm around my bony shoulders / feeling young, buying time and bumming one from you / there there… / cracking up, freaking out, staying in and losing every inch I’ve gained / angry tears, getting free, letting you see my ugly side that wants to come out / throwing hands and fighting the world with you / there there… / unexplored, ignored particles of brain & heart / resuscitate, CPR, care & patience, rage and making space for who we really are / despite this world it led me to you / there there… / what you want, what you need, what you love, who you really are / if you dare, if you don’t, if you try and you wanna cry / I’m there…” 

*

DOECHII   /   Alligator Bites Never Heal

“Let’s start the story backwards” begins Doechii’s captivating third album Alligator Bites Never Heal. Over a late night humid groove, Doechii cuts loose right from the start on “STANKA POOH” “I’m just shootin’ the shit over some pretty production” Doechii raps loosely, rhyming production with muffins, before taking off into an anxiously frenzied outro about her deepest fears, over the same pretty production. At this point, what can I say about Doechii that you haven’t seen all over your social media and the news in the last couple of months?! 26 years old, born Jaylah Ji'mya Hickmon in Tampa, Florida, Doechii is having her moment. From her wildly infectious NPR Tiny Desk (this one is gonna give Mac Miller a run for my new favorite!) to her show-stopping performance and huge win at the Grammys, Alligator Bites Never Heal is one of the best rap albums of the last few years. Chock full of sleek, jaw-dropping, head-turning, swampy trip rap that reeks of Doechii’s hometown of Tampa, Florida. I wish this album woulda been around for True Detective season 1, I can picture Rust Cohle and Marty driving through decrepit Yellow King land, with the throbbing “BULLFROG” bumping sweetly from their ‘95 Chevy Caprice. From the classic, light retro swing of “BOILED PEANUTS” (“it’s a sunny day! The gang’s all here!”) to the staccato back & forth character study and undeniable bounce of “DENIAL IS A RIVER” (“I mean fuck, I like pills, I like drugs, I like day-drinkin’ & day parties & Hollywood!”) Personal favorite “CATFISH” finds Doechii shape shifting through all her different voices, one second she’s laugh out loud funny, smiling her million dollar smile, the next second she amps up the aggressive energy, calling out haters, before closing with “Doechii the don, Doechii the dean, Doechii supreme, the swamp ruler.” 

Even though I had heard her name, my real introduction to Doechii came one night late last year, riding with my coworker and best friend Danielle, she was driving me from Lost Lake to the Squire Lounge in a late Fall snowstorm and she put on “Balloon” from Tyler The Creator’s majestic CHROMAKOPIA. Halfway through Tyler’s infectious groove, Doechii comes out guns blazing “I don’t need a Range when I got an airboat / I don’t need a plane cuz the airboat float / I don’t need a passport I’m a SWAMP BITCH oh!” I remember exactly where I was the first time I heard Nicki Minaj’s verse in Kanye’s “Monster” It gave me chills. In the same way, Doechii’s verse shook me, windows down, heater on, snowflakes blowing, swamp bitch Doechii making a statement. My rap knowledge & background are probably not deep enough to go in depth here, but I hear Nicki, Missy Elliot, Azealia Banks, Biggie Smalls, MF Doom, Lauryn HIll, Doja Cat, Trick Daddy, and of course Doechii’s TDE labelmates Kendrick & SZA. Bottom line, this is a superstar level rap album, Doechii is the real deal. Alligator Bites Never Heal is here to stay.

"Say it's real and it's rap. and it boom and it bap / and it bounce and it clap / and it's house and it's trap / it's everything! / I'm everything!"

*

DREAMER BOY   /   LONESTAR

Back almost a year ago, in Spring 2024, one of the venues I work at (Lost Lake) announced a touring show for early Summer, a band called Dreamer Boy playing on June 21st. As I do when I begin marketing a show, I gave it a cursory listen, and maybe judged it a little bit. Texas born, LA raised, Nashville based, indie pop blended with americana and r&b, a white boy named Zach Taylor with a flair for the dramatic (he lists David Bowie & Tyler The Creator as inspirations for this album) press pics shirtless or in rodeo clown makeup, a concept album about the American west, blah blah blah blah blah, you know you know haha. I wrote it off as just one more Nashville knock off, a young up-and-comer, trying to make a name for himself. Oh well, the kids love that shit, it’ll probably sell out I thought. It wasn’t until maybe May that Dreamer Boy started to seep into my veins. I read his bio and it began…

“It’s humid and you’re going to baseball practice. You’re ‘listening to Big Star, lying in your car.’ You’re ‘cutting into the country-fried / Got a lawnchair, open into the fall air.’ You’re a kid under the Texas sky: ‘Friends come through the side door / Mail is in a pile...’”

Sooooo I actually listened to the full album and first noticed personal fav (and linernotesandseasons alumni!) Miya Folick lending her dreamy guest vocals to the woozy, summer swoon of “Big Sky.” And then… I fell HARD for the perfectly named opening track “Summer In America.” Sliding in sweetly on a synth-y swell, lurching into an electronic drum beat, rhythmically tracking my teen years. “The sun’s on my back and it’s Summer in America” Dreamer Boy chants softly, and the song rattles to life with a big heartland piano pulse. Part Tom Petty, part War on Drugs, part your favorite shitty dive bar cover band, this is the kind of song I can loop on repeat for a lot of Summer mornings. As luck would have it, it was June and I had just started a new part time job for Westword, a job that required me to spend a lot warm dawns working on coffee shop patios. So I would start most mornings with an iced coffee and a couple rounds of Dreamer Boy. Needless to say, I played “Summer In America” often enough that it ended up my #1 most streamed sp*tify song of 2024, and by the time it chimed out and the groovy, punchy “Heartbreaker” kicks in, I decided that I actually LOVE this album! “Heartbreaker” mirrors my other personal fav “If You’re Not In Love” (#10 on my most streamed sp*tify songs) with some genuine 80’s swagger, galloping, driving, danceable pop-rock bops, the kind of songs that are fun to sing in the kitchen or in the shower or on sweaty, Summer night walks, when it feels like the season will never end. So that was that, I was hooked. Dreamer Boy’s tour rolled on across the West, I did my best with marketing, but the show only sold about 80 tickets. By all accounts, it was a good one though. In a way, that only made me love Dreamer Boy more. This is not a sure shot, easy win, rocket to the top, this is a little bit of an underdog story. Fuck I can’t wait for it to be Summer in America again. See ya then Dreamer Boy!

"On a new train going uptown / this is how it feels to be unbound...."

*

*Drinking Boys & Girls Choir   /   DBGC Live in Busan*

드링킹소년소녀합창단 

One of my absolute favorite live shows of 2024 (and of the last five years honestly!) was the Drinking Boys & Girls Choir show at Lost Lake Lounge back in November. Drinking Boys & GIrls Choir is a punk trio from Daegu, South Korea and they are one of my new favorite bands! I was first introduced to DB&GC when they opened for 2022 favs Otoboke Beaver at the Gothic about a year ago. Their set was absolutely electric and hosting them at Lost Lake (where I work!) was like a dream come true. Since they haven’t released a new album since 2019, I’m choosing to add their live album to this list, and hoping for some new music in 2025. Ok, let’s dig in!

DB&GC began when bassist and lead vocalist Meena Bae met drummer Myeong-jin Kim in the Korean punk scene in 2007. They first started a band called Chicken and Mayo ABC (!) but have been playing as DB&GC since 2013. They have a strong commitment to the local scene in Daegu, touring extensively in South Korea and speaking out for LGBTQ & human rights. They have played with a few other different members, but while searching for a new guitarist in 2023, Scottish guitarist Megan Nisbet reached out via a heartfelt email. She already spoke Korean and said joining the band has been a life’s dream come true. When the trio hit Lost Lake last Fall, the camaraderie of the band shone through both personally & musically. A punk band through & through, most of the songs on Live in Busan are 1.5-2.5 minutes long, breakneck blasts of energy, wall of sound, relentless drumming, angular shredding guitar, and Bae & Kim’s shouted vocals, both melodic & abrasive, sometimes singing in unison, sometimes bouncing off each other, hyperactive & unrelenting for 45 minutes. Standing in the crowd at Lost Lake (ok maybe jumping around a little, maybe getting bounced into the pit and swirling around a little) I teared up a few times thinking about how lucky I was to be in that space. How lucky I was to witness Drinking Boys & Girls Choir. One of my goals for my 40’s is to travel internationally more. To see faraway places & new countries (and of course see live music everywhere I go!) But for now, what a gift to get to see a punk band from South Korea live at little old Lost Lake Lounge on east Colfax. Go listen to Drinking Boys & Girls Choir, see you at the next punk show!

"There is no spring / do you have something special? / nothing is enough to live... / run it today / don't miss today / you can be today.... / before I knew it the flowers would bloom / before I knew it the flowers would fall..."

*

DU BLONDE / Sniff More Gritty

“I am a solitary individual! I know exactly who I am!” screams the middle-fingers-up chorus on Du Blonde’s Laura Jane Grace assisted punk blast single “Solitary Individual.” That should be the first clue that we’ve wandered into the world of a superstar. Du Blonde has been releasing music in the UK for 15+ years under both their birth name Beth Jeans Houghton and as Du Blonde, and Sniff More Gritty is the jaw dropping work of a mad genius. Houghton engineers, produces, and plays every instrument (besides for some of the live drums) on Sniff More Gritty, and the entire record oozes with a snarling, sneering, screeching self confidence. This was one of the last albums I added to this list, it was recommended to me by Du Blonde collaborator (and linernotes&seasons alumni) Ezra Furman (can’t wait to see what you have coming for us in 2025 Ezra!) and when I heard these songs, I was shocked that I’d never heard of Du Blonde before. But, in a way, it came into my life exactly when I needed it. I was feeling down, feeling like I wouldn't be able to finish this year’s list, but most of all, feeling despondent about my own personal future. I’m lucky enough to not have had to deal with too much depression in my personal life, but sometimes in the Winter, the blah, helpless feeling overtakes me. In getting excited about this album, I read a lot about Du Blonde, and stumbled across this interview from 2019. Houghton speaks candidly about feeling suicidal (TW) saying...

“I guess I’d thought about it in the past, but not in a way that I would do it. I finally got to a place where I was like ‘Shit. I’ve got to go to the GP round the corner right now because I’m going to do it’; I’d been looking up the most painless way to kill myself. I was going to go through with it, and I had this moment of clarity. I can only describe it as something outside of myself blowing a hole through a cloud, and I could see the good weather on the other side just for a moment, and I thought ‘on the off chance that three days down the road I would have regretted this, I need to seek help and I owe myself that.’”

Reading this, I let the power of Houghton’s words move through me. Like “something outside of myself blowing a hole through a cloud so I could see the good weather on the other side just for a moment.” What a fucking powerful image. Whether you’re feeling truly suicidal, or just, as I was, unable to see that good weather on the other side of the clouds, just hang on a couple days longer. Houghton goes on to talk about medication saying…

“My doctor prescribed me Citalopram, and I woke up three days later feeling more emotionally stable, productive and engaged than I had in ten years. I realised a huge part of my depression was simply a chemical imbalance. I cannot adequately impress upon anybody struggling with depression how common this is, how important and okay it is to seek help, and that genuinely life can and will get better. I have been in the place of no hope; the place where even your loved ones become peripheral to your need to cease existing. I understand how very real the benefit of death can feel in that moment, and I made it out, and so can you.”

Lots of those feelings relate more to Du Blonde’s first two albums, and it’s clear that Sniff More Gritty finds Houghton at a much different place in life, but finding this album when I did, and reading those stories & words when I did, felt meaningful in a deep way. In the way that I use artists & songs & albums to lift me up when I need it, Sniff More Gritty was like a lightning bolt across a dense gray sky. Like one shoot of brilliant, electric green grass, popping up in between snow drifts, way way way before it was supposed to! Personal favorite “Blame” has some of my favorite singalong chorus harmonies of the year, a soaring, anthemic 2+ minute blast with a rip-roaring guitar solo. The Broadway glam of heart-breaker “Out of a Million” lets Houghton’s breathtaking voice shine through, and everywhere else that you turn on the album there are huge catchy, Weezer-y, early 2000’s alt rock choruses to belt along to. Thanks to the music gods for delivering this album when I needed it, go turn it up to 11, roll down your windows, and scream along!

"What does that mean? / & can I bring all my friends? / it's such a shame to miss the end... / I'll carry the beers in / while you light the barbecue / cuz no one stokes a fire like you... / the road is long girl / it'll meet you where you're at / sorry I've been so damn bad..."

*

DUNUMS   /   I wasn’t that thought

One of my most favorite records of the year is DUNUMS massively monstrous third record I wasn’t that thought. A powerful album teeming with new life, bursting at the seams with love & grief & rage. Self-described as “Arty, noisey, post-rock, bedroom fake-jazz for a free Palestine” DUNUMS is the collaborative project of Durham, North Carolina Palestinian songwriter Sijal Nasralla. “The improvisations & churnings of Sijal Nasralla. Blending memory & homeland heartache into feelingsfull sonic moments on family, love, rage, and how ‘God’ will always be greater.” It’s hard to think of another album on this list (or in the last 5-10 years) that so tenderly holds feelings of love & rage simultaneously.

Conceptually, I wasn’t that thought is a record of songs for & from the perspective of Nasralla’s child Tasneem. “Most of the album is from the perspective and voice of Tasneem -- her wonder, earliest impressions of our world, her first hurts, her big messes, our traumas, and what life feels like when change is overwhelming.” Interspersed with recordings of Tasneem experiencing her world & telling stories, using her voice gives Nasralla’s writing a precious innocence, stream of consciousness lyrical ideas that bloom like a gloriously gorgeous garden. Although I don't have kids of my own, I now have three beloved nieces & two beloved nephews growing up faster & faster, and I am leaning into the magic, the struggles, and the importance & sacredness of those learning years. How to show love, how to teach, how to shape lives while allowing freedom. I don’t often think about childlike innocence when writing about music, but I wasn’t that thought glows with it like a magical lullaby. A late night bedtime story, a nightlight against monsters (while still acknowledging their existence), and most importantly, deep, essential truths of what is right in the world. Human rights. A Free Palestine. How to stand up for what is right. Things you can (& should) learn when you are very small. We would all do well to listen. 

Musically, the sprawling scope of I wasn’t that thought recalls one of my favorite records of all time, Portland, Oregon collective Typhoon’s 2012 mini-orchestra masterpiece White Lighter. Similar to Typhoon, DUNUMS is the work of a primary writer, supported by a cast of friends & loved ones (Nasralla calls his band members & collaborators “deep, deep, close people”). Everywhere you listen there are collaborative group parts. Background vocals, both soothing & screamy, instruments howling & crashing together, a lo-fi collision of passionate musicians, making their heartbreaking wails louder and more valuable than any production can capture. I fell in love with DUNUMS in 2023 at Hopscotch Music Festival in Raleigh, NC (if you’ve paid attention to this list over the years, you know all about my love for North Carolina bands!) when they played a 1pm set at Ruby Deluxe with heavy rain outside, and I feel so lucky to have been able to be in the audience for a few of their magically LOUD sets. For their 2024 Hopscotch set, I forced my friend Dylan to come with me, saying DUNUMS was the best band at the festival. We crowded in close downstairs at Neptunes and the band raged. It’s always special seeing Kym Register on horns! When we left Dylan exclaimed “you didn’t tell me it was gonna be so MATH-Y!”

I keep trying to think of deep words to describe this album. Monstrous, essential, pure, childlike (Nasralla refers to DUNUMS as "toddler-core") adventurous, immense, intense, magical. But somehow all those words don't quite describe the secrets hidden in these songs. I feel like a baby so I just babble & coo & gurgle & smile & laugh & learn learn learn. i wasn't that thought sweeps me away with tempo changes, midwest emo mixed with math rock, indie-folk sweetness, youthful punk angst & ragged jazz, all helmed by Nasralla’s singular voice. Equal parts tender & gentle, fiery & roaring, directing these songs, raging when needed, immediately breaking back into sweet despair, emotional depth & maturity, songs about how to survive. It’s not hyperbolic to say his words and music are required reading & listening in these, the darkest of our times. To put it another way, this is the most important record on this list.

In these songs, I can hear Sijal’s true, deep artistic self. I can hear the pain & rage he feels. I can feel how much he loves his child, his homeland. I am listening, I am learning. Music is the most powerful teacher. As the emo energy of Side A slowly bleeds into the noisy, free jazz of closing couplets “usa ain’t shit” & “the portal” Nasralla closes the album with the tender a capella lullaby “habibi bear.” To hear him describe the creation of these songs is purely magical. 

“In the mornings after Tasneem was born I would scoop her from the bed and take her downstairs to mingle with the early light and the cat while my partner slept a few extra hours. We would sense each other, talk and try to hold our heads up. Most mornings I would play her these songs, work them out while she stared at me from her pillow or practiced her ‘tummy-time.’ Making this record reminded me of how I got into playing music as a young person – moving sound and air made it feel safer to feel the bigness inside and outside of me. I wanted to write music that felt like a memory of the emo songs that made me cry as a kid. I wanted to capture the angst of being so small in a big enveloping vortex of things and more things. And the near-painful sensation of glee about life, friends, and being a kid.” 

When I listen to I wasn’t that thought, I can feel all of that. It reminds me of how I felt as a kid, falling in love with music, falling in love with people, falling in love with life. I wasn’t that thought makes me want to be better, try harder, fight evil, do my part for the world. I can feel it pushing me to grow up into who I want to be. When Nasralla’s songs make me cry, it is a good cry. This is a powerful album. These songs hold the magic spells to change the world. I am listening. I am learning.

"Before I thought

There was a thought about me

But I wasn't that thought

It was just me..."

*

FRED AGAIN..   /   ten days

Interspersed between every song on Fred Again..’s glowing new album ten days, are numbered snippets of mostly ambient noise or background conversations. Voicemail messages, seemingly insignificant placeholders, like the chime sound effects in childrens’ read along audiobooks (“when you hear this sound, turn the page”) that I remember from my childhood. Hidden in these little chapters, lie the secrets to what makes Fred so special to me. You know the kind of people that make you feel special? Like when you’re with them, everything that you say is important. Your memories together matter, your lore, your funny backstories, your inside jokes. All of it adds up to something super special. Fred is the kind of person that’s always appreciating and noticing those moments. Celebrating them and memorializing them, making you feel special. Take “.one” for starters. The album opens with infectious laughter, a little backyard group singalong, voices in different languages, a birthday wish from a friend. In fact, many of the snippets contain laughter and group singalongs (delightfully common themes for Fred) and they serve not only to freeze & bend time a little, but to create the kind of cohesive, “one big jam” album feel that makes ten days such a memorable listen. Fred is a superstar, but he's also a friend. Buckle up, ten days is one of my favorite fucking albums of 2025!

I don’t remember exactly where or when I first heard about the groundbreaking English DJ & singer-songwriter Frederick Gibson, who goes by Fred again.. but I fell in love with his Angie McMahon collaboration “Angie (i’ve been lost)" back in 2021, and his absolutely endearing social media presence over the last couple years won me over completely. Wherever he goes he brings laughter & joy; dancing, involving everyone, throwing any kind of little pop-up party/show that he can. A budding superstar DJ, but a man of the people, someone I want to talk to and hang out with. When ten days dropped at the end of last Summer, I fell hard. Emotional, trance-inducing, rhythmically repetitive, chill electronica; this album might just be a blip in Fred’s burgeoning superstar catalog, but to me, it’s essential. From the “love song of the summer” bop “Adore U,” (I beg you send this song to your best friend or your lover or your mom! I can’t listen to “Adore U” without breaking out in a huge smile!) to the Sampha assisted soulful “fear less” to the Four Tet & Joy Anonymous instant raver classic “glow.” All the way to personal deep deep favs “just stand there” and “where will i be.” Fred is like the friend who knows just what I need to hear. He manages to team up with artists & songs that I already love, or introduce me to songs & artists that I need to hear. 

Flashback to September 2024 and I’m having the time of my life in Raleigh, North Carolina at Hopscotch Music Festival with all my music friends. My friend Dylan from MIshawaka (an incredible venue by a river in the mountains of Colorado outside of Fort Collins) is stressing about this “biggest show of his life” that “the Mish” is throwing in a week or two. He says he can’t tell me who it is, but turns his computer to me and the name on the show says Fred again.. To be clear, Fred is about to headline two nights at BALL ARENA, but as he loves to do, he’s sought out a super cool little spot off the beaten path in the state that he’s playing, to host some cool, weird, intimate little show. Most huge artists don’t do this. It’s a lot of extra work and it's not usually worth the production hassle or the smaller financial return. Fred loves it because it keeps him connected to his people. He gets to celebrate with his real fans & friends & fam up close. It memorializes not just his songs, but his moments, his places, his people. Not just what you’re singing, but who you’re singing with. There’s a reason most of my favorite concert memories involve singing & dancing together with people that I love. Hold onto those moments. Spoiler alert, I did not go to Fred’s Mish show (although I bought a nosebleed resale ticket for the second night at Ball Arena!) I got in the digital ticket line like everybody else, but it sold out so fast. Dylan said that he had no idea if Fred would hang before the show, most big name DJ’s would probably bus straight in and out of the Mish as quickly as possible. If you’ve never been, it’s pretty remote. Cell service is spotty. A true mountain venue. Well, I’ve been following Fred on IG and I watched his stories laughing as not only did Fred hang at the MIsh preshow, he joked with fans and took a dip in the Poudre RIver, drifting down behind the stage he was about to headline. Hey Clementine Was Right, we got another River Boy!

There are so many songs that I deeply, deeply love on ten days, but I want to wax poetic about a couple. In the same way that Fred won me over with his Angie collab, he pairs with Lucinda WIlliams for the magically haunting “where will i be” (a song that I was unfamiliar with before Fred. Thanks Fred!) and then long time fav Amber Bain of The Japanese House for her sunny pop closer “backseat.” Here, the fleetingness & continuation of Fred’s work is most evident, this album might be a blip, but a blip that will be worked into the fabric of the rest of my life. In the same way that Charli’s Brat was/is everywhere and in everyone's Summer stories (I'm talking IG or otherwise!) these songs will last, get remade, get resung. In the end it always does… Fred turns Amber’s sunny classic indie-pop bop into a glitchy 80’s montage (so hold onto this feeling kids, cuz you won’t feel it for long…) I’m riding a bike through the green trees in Arkansas (with my sunshine baby…) I’m running through the streets of Raleigh, North Carolina (well I’ve gone a little crazy) dreaming of a different, new life (in the end it always does…) I’m swimming in cold Colorado river water with Fred (this isn’t happening…) I’m in my little brother & sister in law’s kitchen in the apartment where they used to live in Portland, Oregon (i wanna be a part of it, I wanna sing along…)  my nieces laughing in the next room with their aunts (my sisters) (hold on to this feeling…) I’m walking on a sunny evening in Denver with someone who wants to listen to my stories and tell me theirs. Feeling young & new (cuz you won’t feel it for long…) I’m texting my sisters essays of texts at 1am from the warm grass at Cheesman wondering where this all goes, cuz in the end… it always does...

Finally, I want to close with all-time fav “just stand there.” Fred’s beats duet with SOAK’s spoken word piece in a powerful way, telling a story of a night, an empty apartment (“I sit with the night in anticipation”) The rush that comes with living by yourself (“I”m alive and I can feel it”) Self confidence dueling with self doubt (“I feel pretty… but in a handsome way”) Half way through, the song fucking lifts off on a jittery piano riff, pure Fred, with SOAK (Irish singer-songwriter Bridie Monds-Watson) still laughing & talking. The music, like my bedroom “feels like the coliseum.”  The piano skittering across high school feelings, merging with steady drums, layering vocals, picking up speed, running now, telling a story like only Fred can. “It felt like all four seasons happened in one day, and I just stand there” the song bleeps & bloops & cacophonies. I can see Fred grinning from ear to ear, hugging his new friends, hugging his old friends, welcoming us all into the circle, laughing & laughing, dancing & dancing, and then it’s gone… “she loves me” SOAK deadpans… like it’s the deepest truth anyone has ever said.

One of my favorite Mary Oliver poems is called “Snowy Night” and with your permission I want to close with it here.

“Last night, an owl in the blue dark tossed an indeterminate number of carefully shaped sounds into the world, in which, a quarter of a mile away, I happened to be standing. I couldn’t tell which one it was – the barred or the great-horned ship of the air – it was that distant. But, anyway, aren’t there moments that are better than knowing something, and sweeter? Snow was falling, so much like stars filling the dark trees that one could easily imagine its reason for being was nothing more than prettiness. I suppose if this were someone else’s story they would have insisted on knowing whatever is knowable – would have hurried over the fields to name it – the owl, I mean. But it’s mine, this poem of the night, and I just stood there, listening and holding out my hands to the soft glitter falling through the air. I love this world, but not for its answers. And I wish good luck to the owl, whatever its name – and I wish great welcome to the snow, whatever its severe and comfortless and beautiful meaning…”

I read that poem aloud with my friend Sarah under my tree in Cheesman Park in the dead of Winter, right before the end of last year. Throwing an indeterminate number of carefully shaped sounds out into the world. Just like Mary. Just like Fred. Just humans, always wanting so badly to be heard & understood. Feeling deep deep down how rare it is to connect with someone in that kind of way. An artist, a friend, a lover, a sister, an owl, a tree. So I just stood there. Like I stand there now. All over again. Over & over. Loving this world. Claiming these poems of the night. Singing these songs of the night. Loving all of it for its unknownness & its beautiful meaning. Singing along with Fred. Dancing along with Fred's friends. Laughing along with Fred & Fred's friends & my friends. Feeling heard & understood. Feeling like a friend. Feeling like this is forever. Feeling like ten days is forever. Long live ten days.

"I been halfway under, I been halfway out / I been learning what I can't do without / you're further away now than you used to be / but darling, I saw you & you saw me... / Still, I can't let go of this version of you / that calmed me down as you held me through / you're further away now than you used to be / but darling, I saw you & you saw me..."

*

*HORSE BITCH   /   UVA*

For the last five years, Horse Bitch has been the Denver band you just have to go see. Their live show is the stuff of legends. Full contact reckless on stage antics, a sea of dancing, jumping, moshing diehard fans, lots of screamy lyrics about silly stuff (silly serious stuff! Silly sex stuff! Silly silly stuff!), and a wild cacophony of guitars, violins, keys, & banging tambourine. If you’ve seen them live, well… you know. When people ask me to list my favorite “local” bands, Horse Bitch is always close to the top. I love asking music people in different states about their bands (the ones that are legendary in their hometowns), the kind of bands that you wouldn’t know unless you lived there. Ask my best coworker friend Danielle about Tempe, Arizona’s T.O.S.O, or western slope Colorado folks about the glory days of Stephan Piker and Bully! Bands like this are essential to the scene. Bands that aren't obsessed with chasing career greatness, but instead, chasing local legend status. Like the high school quarterback who won state, destined to get free Subway sandwiches in their hometown for life. Believe me when I tell you, Horse Bitch are Denver legends. Listen to these songs and you might understand, but come with me to a Horse Bitch show... and you definitely will. Genre touchstones are mostly irrelevant here, but along with riding the western bootgaze/emo-cana revolution, Horse Bitch mixes in punk, classic country, 50's doo-wop, shitty mid-2000's pop punk, mournful midwest emo, jam band irreverence, Irish punk, & Weird Al literary great(silly)ness. Since releasing albums in 2020 & 2021, Horse Bitch has mostly focused on playing countless legendary shows around Denver and the front range, building a reputation as one of the greatest live bands I’ve honestly ever seen. At this point I feel like I’ve seen them in pretty much every small to mid-size room in Denver (that includes living rooms & backyards) and every time is different, important, a sweaty fucking blast, & absolutely, ballistically magical.  

UVA opens with long time live fav “Pirate Ride” burning up a ripped off Allman-Brothers-on-speed guitar riff, whining country steel, sad-boi pop-punk & emo vocals, lots of yelling, and lyrics about Disneyland, black mold, fast food, & tenant’s rights. Launching right into “Mountain Climbing” (most of the songs on UVA are long time live favs by now!) a scattershot, word vomit rocker with Irish jig fiddle, a shout along nonsense chorus, more background yelling, and lyrics about Harry Potter (a Horse Bitch favorite topic), Harry Styles, Taco Bell, PBR and yep, more tenant’s rights! Horse Bitch has never taken themselves too seriously, but hidden in the ever changing, shouted along nonsense spewing from stage like Nickelodeon slime are the secret codes to Denver dive bars & sacred spaces. We need Horse Bitch just as much as they need us. This is Lonesome-Crowded-era Modest Mouse meets 12 Golden Country Greats-era Ween, real iykyk shit. This is my favorite long forgotten Cali band Weatherbox singing in the hills above San Francisco, this is my lifelong best friend Stephen Piker (yeah, the one from Bully mentioned above) making up silly, shitty John Mayer rip-off songs (remember “Smooth Sailing” Stephen?!) under bridges, in back alleys, on riverbanks. Little silly starry dreamsongs that exist just make your friends smile. Mountain climbing in my backyard kind of shit. Donald Duck shit. Pterosaur with a broken wing shit. These are the kind of laugh out loud songs that take guts to turn into anthems. Brought to life by a silly goose troupe of friends, brought to majesty by the passionate playing of some seriously brilliant Denver musicians. Horse Bitch is a supergroup masquerading as a bar band. Horse Bitch will tell you to tell your friends you love them. Horse Bitch will make you scream “fuck” as loud as you can over & over. I’m eternally grateful to be alive at the same time as Horse Bitch. I’m glad I’ve been able to sing & dance & sweat along. This is one of my all time favorite bands. Long live Horse Bitch.

"I'm a pterosaur with a broken wing / ticked off about everything / holdin' onto all life's memories / & I feel so fucking guilty about everything... / I'm a pterosaur trying to catch a plane / I've sucked & fucked my way through TSA / holding onto unheard memories / & I feel so fucking guilty about everything..."

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HURRAY FOR THE RIFF RAFF   /   The Past Is Still Alive

Perhaps no other album on this list shares my obsession with the passing of time & holding onto memories in the same way that Hurray For The Riff Raff does on The Past Is Still Alive. It's all right there in the title. Songwriter Alynda Segarra makes it a mission statement to share magic ways to bend & freeze & stretch & celebrate the passing of time, in fact the first words on the album are “You don’t have to die if you don’t wanna die / you can take it all back in the nick of time…” While Segarra cheats death in their own personal life, they also share stories that serve to rejoice in all the intricacies of time, both the aching sadness and the adrenaline adventure of it all. I"m looking forward to listening to this album for years & years and to come, and digging deep with these songs as they work their way into my own timelines. Like Segarra sings with a smile in her voice on the bittersweet "Hawkmoon "I coulda ridden shotgun forever!"

The Past Is Still Alive was the first record I fell in love with last year (way back in February 2024) and Segarra’s words have been helping me mark the passing of time over the course of my year. It’s hard to believe that this is Hurray For The Riff Raff's 9th record, but they have been steadily building a career in the Indie scene since 2007. Way back in 2017 I put Segarra’s The Navigator on my favorite albums list (calling it magical & transporting, uplifting & personal in the face of a political hellscape. Sound familiar?) Honestly that feels like a lifetime ago. I was a different person, but yet.. Still me. Like Segarra sings sweetly in the prairie-exploring “Buffalo” “Some things take time yeah I know they do…” The Past Is Still Alive explores not only Segarra’s very real, autobiographical past, but the hauntingly magical feeling when the present becomes the past all too fast. Segarra name-checks all their friends on the journey (Miss Jonathan, Eileen, Sister Sadie, Lorena) and they hold onto very specific places (the East River park, the FDR, a cousin’s farm in Minnesota, the Castro, Garbage Island, the back of a pickup, Ogallala, Nebraska, a San Francisco bookstore). Musically, my deep favorite secret weapon producer Brad Cook gives The Past a lived-in, rollicking folk rock feel, call it Waxahatchee-core, but like all my favorite Cook records, it’s the vocals & writing that take center stage. Segarra’s voice is the engine here, a flag flying through all these stories, rough & ragged & beautiful & real. I could listen to them sing about time forever. 

I want to close with a little time (& magic & grief & bending) detour courtesy of my dear, new friend Sarah. She is a writer & a painter and before we met, Sarah wrote something on IG that moved me in a way that not many songs or other writing have. I want to share pieces of it here, because I think it relates to this album as much as any other on this list (although to be honest, they are all related). Like Segarra says (directly to me I think) “I yelled and I didn't know the reason, but I knew that you’d understand” Reading Sarah’s writing for the first time (like listening to my favorite songwriters) was a deep moment of understanding & feeling understood. 

“Both love & grief can bend time”

goes the piece that Sarah wrote as a eulogy/elegy to her dog Princess that had passed away.

“One million distractions fight for our attention every day, pulling us towards numbness, away from everyone we love, and everyone and everything we grieve. But when we opt out of all that noise, and focus our gaze, our touch, and our heart on our truest loves, (which are, of course, also our deepest griefs), we… can… bend time. We can hold a lifetime in three minutes.”

It’s that same idea that I've been hunting all these years. Like a secret you can only learn through grief. But both love AND grief can bend time. Like Segarra coos lovingly on their mighty love song “Colossus of Roads” (itself a eulogy for the great American train graffiti artist buZ blurr) “I must be living twice, wrap you up in the bomb shelter of my feather bed… No one will remember us, like I will remember us. Children forever… In the end.” And how does one tap into this time bending magic? Both Sarah & Alynda seem to agree that it takes work...

“If a dog is sleeping on your chest, or if you need to dig a grave” Sarah offers “make the time, linger longer, use both hands. I promise. I promise. Whatever you are loving today, love it with wonder and intention. Love it for all of us, who will never get the chance to know that love as deeply as you. Whatever you are grieving today, grieve it with wonder and intention. We are all grieving with you. I promise. I promise…”

So I try my best to make good on those promises, To love & grieve & bend time in the way that Sarah does. To love & grieve & celebrate the passing of time with Alynda, and just like that… we’ve time-traveled all the way to The Past’s aching closer “Ogallala.” A lifetime of sadness pinpointed into very specific places & moments. Segarra is retracing steps and asking themselves the same repeating questions “What do I do with this terrible feeling? Been all these years and I’m driving the same highway stretch.” They’re lonely & broken, dreaming of meeting an old lover, rekindling a flame “Meet me back in a San Francisco bookstore” before Segarra lets me in on our bonding secret, the reason I feel this deep, heartbreaking connection to their writing. “We’ll get lost in a city forgotten” Segarra promises “Cuz I don’t like change and I hate goodbyes.” I feel that line deep as any on this album and it’s clear that Segarra lets it cut, lets it out. As the music swells to a close behind them, they let out years of pent up anger & sorrow for the time that we live in. “I used to think I was born into the wrong generation” questions Segarra (a fair ask for someone who's lived so much strife) but as the horns swell and time practically stands still, Segarra reveals the answer “But now I know, I made it right on time. To watch the world burn with a tear in my eye.” and then, one last ask... Segarra practically sobs “Meet me in the autumn, in the garden…”  I feel time bending. I feel Segarra using their grief & love to fit a lifetime into three minutes. I feel it all. Slowly, methodically, time starts up again. Everything has changed. The future feels real & exciting. And the past?... The Past Is Still Alive.

"I don't want us to be like that / running wild & running free / this year tried to kill us baby / well good luck trying, you can't catch me / and I'll jump off this cliff with you / if that means we will survive / 'cause we drove out to the desert / just to leave the past behind... / and our footsteps fall in shadows / treading light down the canyon trail / and the sun is barely rising / and the stars like a wedding veil / and I cannot lie to you / "cause you can read my mind / so I think I'll try with you / some things just take more time..."

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JOHN-ALLISON WEISS   /   The Long Way

Full disclosure, John-Allison Weiss’ powerful fifth album The Long Way actually came out in 2023. I have a pretty strict personal rule that I stick to only current year releases for this list (I mean, it’s my blog, I can do whatever I want!) but every year, I discover countless albums released from 2012-2023 that I love and missed on previous lists, and I love that! Long story short (we’re taking The Long Way I guess!) when I found this album at the end of 2023 (I honestly can’t remember from where, the music internet community is a wonderful place!) it was too late to sneak it onto my list last year. So when John finally released an official physical release last Summer (check out this sick yellow cassette tape!) I vowed to include The Long Way on this year’s list! Ok, let’s get into the songs!

If you know me, you know I sometimes struggle to describe what exactly my favorite kind of music is. It comes from a good place, I truly do LOVE EVERYTHING! I listen to everything, and I try to make this list represent that as best as possible. But when pressed (or drinking at home on my own time!) I tend to lean into the straightforward, driving, early 2000’s indie rock & roll sound that John absolutely NAILS on The Long Way. It helps if the lyrics are thoughtful, challenging, and speak to me in deep deep ways (also nailed!) I mean, deep down it’s the same reason Angie McMahon & Middle Kids are on this list. It’s the same reason I love The Killers, Kings of Leon, and Andrew McMahon so much. It’s the same reason I’ll see Augustana EVERY SINGLE time they come to Denver (get me tipsy and ask me about how much I love their 2011 self titled album -spoiler alert, this is wayyyy after “Boston” and way after most real music fans stopped paying attention to Augustana!) From the first strums of burning opener “Dust Storm” I knew this album was special. “Pulled off the highway in a dust storm” Weiss begins, his voice the perfect blend of emo crack & desert bloom. “Headed home to change the future. Headed home to turn & run.” Weiss continues, a lifer song from a musician who’s committed their life to the road & the songs, a true rock & roller. Weiss, who grew up in Georgia, put out their first album in 2007, having since cultivated somewhat of an indie cult following working & playing with Hellogoodbye, The Front Bottoms, State Champs, Laura Jane Grace, Lou Reed, Tegan & Sara, Reggie & The Full Effect, The Wonder Years, Now, Now & Reliant K! It hasn’t been easy of course and we jump back in with Weiss lamenting “So tired of singing all these old songs, so tired of trying to be someone.” In fact, track 2 begins “there’s a song I've been singing for 29 years.” “Different Now” is a steady heartland pop-rocker that envisions Keane or The Fray, with a western, desert-y flair, Weiss cutting loose confidently over blue jean guitars and pounding drums, a road-trip escape anthem, windows down, open air, worries gone. “Tell Me To Go” gives a Jack Mannequin’s indie edge to a monstrous Tom Petty riff, huge guitars & emo lyrics.

John-Allison is a treasure of a social media IG follow, the kind of parasocial relationship that encourages me to be a better person. The kind of energy that I want in my friends and my life. They wear their emo-punk-indie influences on their sleeve, but tempered with a hippie, self care attitude, vanlife for the freedom, anti-capitalist, anti-facist, we need more musicians like this. In fact, part of me has this dream, that some of my current favorite songwriters (specifically the ones that seem disenchanted with the corporate music success ladder) will abandon the rat race and follow Weiss on vanlife adventures. I have dreams of some sort of traveling music festival/troupe/circus thing, forgoing aeg & live nation ticket fees, playing sick shows in weird wherever/whatever venues, DIY for life, a community where that kind of life isn’t so damn hard. Some of my favorite musicians from this list and beyond, Caroline Rose, Indigo De Souza, Tre Burt, Medium Build, Quinn Christopherson, Bartees Strange, Adeem The Artist, Clementine Was Right, Tomberlin, Fiona Moonchild, TK & The Holy Know-Nothings, Ezra Furman, American Trappist, Samantha Crain, Big Thief, Justin Peter Kinkel Schuster, Lady Lamb, Miya Folick, Field Report, Sun June, the list goes on. I want to live in a world where they can tour and have success, and not have to play by the dumb, bullshit corporate rules. All that to say, support your favorite independent artists (if you have the means) by buying their merch, giving to their patreon/fan club/whatever you can, and help them have a steady flow of income to keep the lights on while they write these life changing albums!

Johnny closes The Long Way with the moody, driving “Young Love.” His memorably aching voice echos out in an empty hall and he sings over & over on loop “baby we were young love…” The music rises behind him, swirling synths, a dusty electric guitar, and traintrack drums kicking behind him across the desert. His motorhome rumbles to life and Johnny smiles goodbye out the window, a pirate of the road, headed out to his next adventure. Headed home to change the future.

"And I see you now like I did back then / with a love so loud / let it bleed back in / to the headlights, to the big fights, to the sundown, to the end... / to the shoreline, to the old times, to those lovers, to those friends... / to the backyard, to the big stars, to the freeway, to the coast... / every new day wakes an old ghost..."

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LEIF VOLLEBEKK / Revelation

“Stood up too fast…” begins “Surfer’s Journal,” the glowing centerpiece at the heart of Leif Vollebekk’s magnificent fifth album Revelation. Like many of Leif’s understated ballads, this one starts small & specific, a very real moment frozen in time. An aerial view of a shaggy haired, determined novice surfer, taking to the waves, before opening up gloriously into an entire alternate universe. “Surfer’s Journal” is a “how-to” song Leif fashioned about surfing and modeled after Bruce Springsteen’s epic car lover’s ballad “Racing In The Street,” but we all know it’s really just about life right? The curtain opens and he’s taking to the water to discover “what was on my mind.” But the water at the beginning of the song is unforgiving. The lip of the wave hits him and he’s down & he’s under & he’s caught inside. “It’s not my time to ride” Leif laments softly, before steadying himself and circling back. Feeling out the song over a repeated piano riff and the softest, sweetest, salt air acoustic guitar fills. He’s determined (“no sense in changing my reasons, I leave 'em all behind”) and on fire about something… or somebody (“you & me we were something. Then we were something else…”) The way the song builds itself behind Leif feels like years passing. A wave growing & bending, time & water, rising up to lift him to victory or swallow him whole. Like a classic Rocky training montage, Leif stretches a lifetime into a couple verses and 5+ minutes. He is practicing, he is learning, he is growing “every revolution is also a return.” He is back on the board. He puts his hand in the water… and waves goodbye. This time he stands up slowly, feeling out the song, feeling out his timing & balance. The music swells, a mythic wave standing with “green light through it” and Leif himself stands & laughs & shakes his head, throwing salt water droplets through the surf, catching evening sun rays, crossing the green-blue wall and taking off. When the strings sweep in, he pauses to wonder about fate & destiny “If I was a mystic, I”d say our lives were bound together in this life & the next.” Maybe he’s referring to a long lost lover, maybe he’s referring to this one very real wave, frozen in gorgeous turquoise time.  “Energy downwards” he reminds himself, returning to the present, focusing on technique, focusing on good habits, focusing on success. As the drums & the orchestra rumble behind him, the cascading wave carries him higher, effortlessly now, flying, not even trying, an aerial view of everything, caught forever at sunset, a moment so magical you can feel it in your bones. And then… as soon as it begins, the wave drops him back with a sweet, salty goodbye kiss, and Leif chuckles “stood up too fast…”

Leif Vollebekk is a singer songwriter from Ottawa, Canada, and over the last seven years, he has become one of my lifelong favorite musicians. When I first added Leif to my favorites list way back in 2017, I wrote about not fighting when an artist pulls you in. I wrote about how he tracked years (a lifetime as it were) into his Twin Solitude opening masterpiece (and one of my all-time fav songs) “Vancouver Time.” This year, Leif’s magical fifth album Revelation became not only an all-time favorite, but marked my Summer & Fall deeper than probably any other album on this list. A special collection of songs from a special, emotional songwriter. 

Revelation’s first single “Moondog” dropped in late May (meticulously planned on the night of a full moon mind you) and I was ready. I took my trusty lil blue squishy headphones to my beloved Cheesman Park, and beelined for my favorite table/bench. Situated on the eastern half of the park bordering the Botanic Gardens, just south of the columns, I’ve danced on that table in the dark more than a few times. I’ve facetimed my siblings from that table, I’ve made plans and thought about my future pacing around that table, I’ve stood on that table for hours, watching the moon rise, listening to the night sounds of the park and the city, marking the magical passing of time. It was there that I heard the first notes of the new Leif Vollebekk album. “Moondog” (like most of Leif’s catalog) is a deceptively slinky tune, an open, throbbing guitar beat sets the stage for a lifer tune “When I was young and I was barely free…” Leif begins, telling a story of a new love (or is it an old love?) back & forth across timelines, in bathtubs, under full moons, in Galena, Illinois! “Moondog” would go on to be my #2 most streamed song of 2024 and I knew that night that this new album was gonna be special. So of course, when the second single “Southern Star” (a song he says he inadvertently stole the title from his good friend Gregory Alan Isakov!) dropped a month later in June, I recreated the Cheesman table dancing, full-moon routine. I was in it by then. Figuring out my Summer, figuring out my future, figuring out my past, figuring out my brain & heart, figuring out the rest of my life. "Southern Star’s" Don Henley-wild horses-open prairies-wandering vibes was another mini Summer soundtrack. “Are you my friend or lover?” Leif asks knowingly in the second verse “I know I can’t take you with me” he bemoans, “you’re a map with no folding lines.” Most of this summer I felt like I was the map with no folding lines. Like those big crazily folding ones that are actually really hard to re-fold back to their original shape, and if you get one part wrong the whole thing looks all fucked up. Ok, maybe not that wild, but you get it... no one was taking me with them. No one was folding me up neatly. 

Throughout my wandering late Summer & early Fall, Revelation was a soundtrack. From the majestic rolling strings of ocean adventure part one “Rock & Roll” to the southern brooding rainy countdown of “Mississippi,” to the breathtaking, heartcatch stillness and late night saxophone of “Till I See You Again.” He sings of fleeting yet monumentally deep interactions & connections, people remembered forever. When I finally saw Leif live again (on back to back nights in Boulder & Denver last November) he talked about how parts of Revelation were written at Gregory Alan Isakov’s Starling Farm outside of Boulder, and how the mountains in the songs (specifically “Peace of Mind”) are our mountains, are MY mountains. Oh yeah, his buddy Gregory also surprise joined him in Boulder to sing one of my all time favorite Springsteen deep cuts “Dry Lightning” together. One of my favorite musical memories of 2024. Most of Revelation’s songs feel longer than they are (I could’ve sworn “Surfer’s Journal” was 10 minutes long!) a trick that Leif plays loosely, letting the songs breathe, letting time bend; no end, no beginning, one great swirling masterpiece of sometimes seemingly improvised music. In the magical, smoky city lights closer “Sunset Boulevard Expedition,” Leif acknowledges that time bend, recognizing it in a way that doesn’t break the spell. To point it out is to celebrate it, to embrace it, to revel in it and dance with it. “Sometimes I go down to the ocean” Leif purrs in the second verse “sometimes it comes to me.” It’s sunset in Sydney Harbor. Or is it LA? Or somewhere in Canada? “There’s no difference between me & you now” Leif confides sweetly “sun ceded to the moon now, it’s October & September soon now…” And then, while walking along the sand at the edge of the ocean, Leif turns, and with his impish grin lets us in on the big secret of all of this “See… time moves in both directions” he sings, barely above a whisper “with its ageless imperfections. It circles round our shoulders.” It’s a mystical thing time, something we cannot ever really know. Something the best writers spend lifetimes tracking down. But then, Leif grounds it, brings it back. “Big blue butterflies come over” he hums, rhyming “over” with “shoulders.” And then, in the same way he did when he stood up too fast on the surfboard, he lands us in a very specific place & time “A dirt road in Costa Rica.” and just like that, time is moving again. A different direction this time. Maybe back where it came from. Maybe onward in a whole new direction. Leif follows, slipping behind the great green-blue wall… and disappears. 

“Honey, it smells like rain / the sea is coming back again / sun's descending and the moon's lit up in half / so is every blade of grass / and the mystery makes me laugh at all my guessing… / I've got everything I need / Mississippi is in the seed / in the stars & you & me & the dogwood / those constellations climb / and me, I'm not far behind / your little heart beating next to mine / keep it going baby, keep the time / it's going 1… 2… 3… Mississippi…”

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LINDY VISION / 1947

Lindy Vision is a family band formed by sisters Dorothy (DD) & Natasha (NA) Cuylear in Albuquerque, New Mexico in 2014. They are black & indigenous songwriters (from the Jicarilla Apache nation) and their sophomore album 1947 is a force to be reckoned with. Blending bouncy electro-pop with sweeping, cinematic indie rock and dark & droning synth-drenched new wave. Their family ties are immediately present on 1947 as their Auntie Doreen Martinez is the first voice you hear, giving thoughtful life lessons on blooming opener “Part-Time Lover.” “You cannot force people to love you” Doreen shares in the opening, and she also closes the album speaking on family, friendship, & love. The album takes off on the driving second track “Airplane.” Riding incessantly pounding drums, the sisters trade swirling vocals powerfully, building the song to an epic singalong chorus. Personal favorite “Balloons” is fierce & dark, with more steady drumming (rhythms are a constant theme throughout 1947) and growling guitar stabs, the kind of dizzyingly mesmerizing song that I tend to play on loop for hours at a time, letting the ending seep into the beginning and over again. 

I don’t quite remember where or when I first heard about Lindy Vision, but I remember watching their powerful short film doc "Stay on the Path" and immediately streaming 1947 on loop. In the doc, they talk a lot about familial struggles, losing their mother five years ago (she was clearly a deep & meaningful influence on both sisters lives) and working together as sisters & bandmates. They aren’t shy about the struggles of being sisters & business partners, but their love for music and their creative drive shines through brightly on 1947. With inspirations & touchstones as varied as Motown, Country (they talk about their mother’s love for Clint Black and classic country) David Bowie, Nina Simone, Radiohead, The Strokes, ESG, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Joy Division, Interpol, Tame Impala, & Buffy Sainte-Marie. When I listen to Lindy Vision, it feels like a super personal glimpse into their lives. When I close my eyes and listen, I’m in the room with them. I can feel the power & struggle, the grief & love that comes with strong family ties. It makes me want to love my family better. These songs make me want to create, they make me want to do better in the world. They inspire me. They are more important now than ever. Thanks Lindy Vision! 1947 is special, I already can’t wait for the next one! 

"Chem lines across the sky / the soil is dry / the Rio is gone... / can I be pretty just like you? / can I be pretty forever? / don't let me grow old..."

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*LITTLE SIMZ / Drop 7*

Way back in 2017, when I put Little Simz’ dreamy, captivating sophomore album Stillness In Wonderland on my favs list, I called it “a hallucinogenic monster; hard hitting, unhinged, and one of the year’s most ambitious albums” Since then, Simz (30 year old English-Nigerian rapper Simbiatu "Simbi" Abisola Abiola Ajikawo) has been building an empire. She has released three of the most critically acclaimed hip-hop albums of the 2020s, guest starred with some of the biggest names in the scene, and honed her craft as one of the top rappers in the game. With an increasingly prolific output (this is volume 7 of Simz’ long running EP drop series!) she is showing no signs of slowing down. Drop 7 rattles with sparkling, driving electronic beats courtesy of producer Jakwob; and at a breakneck 14 minutes, Simz’ races to cram as much energy into the span of an average morning commute as she can. Fiercely confident, sneakily smooth, and with a flow that is instantly recognizable, Little Simz is solidifying her legacy. Plus it’s just so damn fun! Plug in Drop 7 and turn it up!

"Got the power in my hands now I can feel it / if you're lookin' for the truth then motherfucker I'm the realest... / I've been buildin' a new mansion up on Venus / long time comin' for this shit, now we lit..."

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MAGGIE ROGERS   /   Don’t Forget Me

2024 was the year that I officially fell back in love with Maggie Rogers. Way back in 2017 I put her debut EP on my 17 favorite albums of 2017 list, and saw her at my very own Larimer Lounge (still looking for a youtube vid from that show of her Harvest Moon cover!) From there, I loved her official debut album Heard It In A Past Life, and almost put her sophomore effort Surrender on my list, but somehow, it wasn’t until last Spring that Maggie & I truly found each other again. To be honest, you can probably track that back to my 37th birthday in 2023, when Maggie played “Don’t Forget Me”  for the first time at Red Rocks, and I knew that her next album was gonna be special. When it dropped as the first single last February, I played it nonstop during my Northern California adventures. I fell for Maggie’s more grown up songwriting. The way that she balances her headlong, youthful exuberance, with a more measured (maybe even rare for her) thoughtful decision making. Rogers turned 30 last April and one of my first steps into rekindling my ‘friendship’ with Maggie, into understanding her deeper, was a long form interview piece that one of my favorite music writers Amanda Petrusich wrote for The New Yorker. Petrusich is one of my favorite writers and interviewers, and Maggie practically comes alive in this piece. I kept sending screenshots to everyone! Petrusich referenced Rogers' process “she often works: urgently and with deep focus, as though she were channeling a faint signal” her onstage persona “can be a little wild. Her movement is spontaneous, erratic; she can appear almost possessed.” and when she asked Maggie to try and put words to the process Rogers said 

“When I’m writing, the first thing I do is take my shoes off. My hands get hot. It’s so fucking physical. It’s like a puzzle, if you can keep your focus on it for long enough, it appears. It’s right there—but the second your brain moves it’s gone. When I’m onstage, or when I’m making something, I’m not thinking about who I am or what I’m trying to do. Time gets really sinewy. It’s spidery and slow. There’s wonder. And it’s just special, and I’m in it, and my hands are up, and I’m figuring it out. And then I come out of it, and it doesn’t even ever feel like it was mine to begin with.”

Musically & lyrically Don’t Forget Me glows with a timeless energy, this could be a classic 70’s folk rock record. Maggie sounds effortlessly herself, living her life, name-checking her friends, being silly, being serious, being sad, being herself. Personal favorites happen to be the quietest, sad ones this time around of course :) The piano ballad “I Still Do” talks about the lasting love in the aftermath of a breakup (maybe a “Leave The Light On” Sequel?) and the gorgeously hushed “All The Same” talks deeply about the passage of time and the timelines of love. But the big hits burn with energy. “On & On & On” could be a late 90s/early 2000s girl group huge bop, and “Drunk” rages with that Surrender energy, you can feel the urgency in the writing, Maggie says she wrote most of Don’t Forget Me in only five days!

I think the thing that made me so excited to fall back in love with Maggie’s work this year, now, at this time in my life… is the anticipation of what’s next. What songs is she writing now? What life experiences will we share that she’ll put to paper and sound and release into the world next? In the deepest way, that’s why most of my music obsession over the last 15 years, has been centered around young songwriters doing it now. I want to be part of the process. I want to go on the journey together. I want my experiences to be sung about, I want my heart & brain out there in their songs. So, to mark another chapter with Maggie, I saw her not once, but twice, in 2024! First, at my beloved Red Rocks, because how could I not?! And then, a week later, I flew to Arkansas and was lucky enough to see her again with my youngest sister! We spent a weekend swimming & biking & camping & talking & eating & singing & laughing, making friends and seeing new places, talking about our futures and our pasts, building our stories. And then, on the last night of my trip, we saw Maggie and (my sister’s favorite!) The Japanese House! I felt like the songs of Don’t Forget Me were seared into the late Spring & early Summer of my 2024. I can't wait to come back and revisit these songs when the snow melts this year! As I grow, and my sister grows! And Maggie grows! We grow together. We face what’s next and we take risks for love. We use songs to mark time & space. We look forward to the next one. Thanks Maggie, this one is special. I won't forget you.

"So it goes / time moves slow / until one day you wake up and you realize / that what you see is what you know / and still you wish for one more kiss / a moment's bliss from a lover you've always known / so it goes..."

*

MANNEQUIN PUSSY   /   I Got Heaven

I Got Heaven is the fourth full length album from Philadelphia punk rockers Mannequin Pussy, and it fucking rocks in every way possible. It’s heavy & raucous, it’s sweet & sexy, it’s ugly & jarring & gritty. Every song exploding with vibrant, violent, virile life, a true rock&roll masterpiece. This record is meant to be shared with people, it’s full of camaraderie, sex & lust, the good & bad & sweaty parts of what it means to be friends & lovers. Powerhouse front woman Marisa Dabice writes these in your face, gut-punch songs about the nature of desire, and the band rages so hard behind her that the want in her words is echoed in the crash of the instruments. These songs are meant to be shared in the pit, meant to take communion together at the sacred church of Mannequin Pussy. 

Technically, Mannequin Pussy was my last pre-Covid concert, opening for Best Coast at the Ogden, March 7, 2020, mere days before lockdown. I fell hard for one song specifically, the gleaming, teen movie indie rocker “In Love Again.” When I got into running a month later to fight the Covid blues, that song soundtracked every running playlist I made. Nearly five years later, Mannequin Pussy is back in my life, at the perfect time, in a break-down-the-doors kind of way. I Got Heaven was critically acclaimed upon its release for a reason. In the same ways that Brittany Howard made her tender “space-funk-rock” songs big enough to fill stadiums (and galaxies tbh!), Mannequin Pussy has made a collection of songs that feel absolutely monstrous. From the thrashing opening title track (“I got heaven inside of me” is such a fucking cool line) that takes on the weaponized hypocrisy of the church, to the arena shaking growl and throbbing guitar stabs of “Loud Bark” (perhaps the most powerful writing Dabice has penned to date) to personal fav (why do I always love the quieter, sad ones?!) “I Don’t Know You” After the pounding angst of the first few tracks, “I Don’t Know You” dials the energy back into a moody repetitive groove, Over a hypnotizing synth riff, Dabice counts numbers into the lyrics, before Maxine Steen’s rumbling guitar threatens to take the song straight to heaven. The punkier songs fill up the back half of the album, Dabice voice ripping through dual screams, matching jarring tempo shifts and full on drum & guitar breakdowns. Finally, sugar sweet closer “Split Me Open” is a song about new love. But it’s deeper than just the butterflies you get when you’re falling for someone new. It’s digging into a heart that doesn’t know if it’s ready for new love yet. It’s asking the kind of questions I’ve been asking myself all year. It’s figuring its own shit out, doing the hard work, but wondering when its time will come. It’s a song about the next chapter. It’s a song about the new. It’s a song about the unknown. 

Mannequin Pussy is my favorite kind of rock band. They’re best friends (their camaraderie is apparent on stage & in interviews and it’s clear they love hanging out together and making each other laugh). They’re unashamedly queer & outspoken & angry, challenging the hatred of fascist America and creating safe spaces at their shows. Most of all, artistically, they are absolutely swinging for the fences. I Got Heaven is such a badass album. These songs have so much life, they sound SO good, they rock so hard, they feel so much. I’m tempted to call this album career defining, but for Mannequin Pussy, it’s just another chapter (a new & exciting & life changing chapter mind you!) on their journey to be the greatest rock&roll band that we’ve got.

“I’m a waste of a woman but I taste like success / I keep all of my sugar where I know you like it best / I am a loud bark, deep bite / I got a loud bark… deep bite…”

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*MAX GARCIA CONOVER   /   toddy pond 7/29/24*

In the depths of what has turned into a harder winter than expected, I’ve found myself walking even more than usual. Maybe it’s my imagination, but Denver has felt colder this season, an icy wonderland waiting for Spring to come. In my Winter wonderings & wanderings, I re-stumbled upon an old friend & favorite songwriter Max Garcia Conover. Max’s songs have been companions for nearly 15 years now (!), and his new EP is no different; an insistent, gorgeous, tender little six song love letter from the great northeast, all sparkling with Max’s  heartfelt, gut punch songwriting.

“Sometimes the night comes crashing down over us”

goes the wavering moon anthem (another moon anthem!) “coming up low.” and I wonder how Max knows exactly how I’m feeling again this time. I’m listening to this in my little bedroom, the moonbeams slanting in from the window above my bed, wondering who else’s windows that same moon might be slanting through.

“I was desperate & I was hopeless, except for hoping that you wouldn’t notice”

Max confides, and I listen and confide back. Turns out maybe more than a few of us are desperate & hopeless, maybe hiding it from loved ones that we hope might not notice, or just ignore it long enough to let us get back on our feet. Just when I think that this is just a question song, and Max (like me) doesn’t really have any answers for this Winter where “I get quiet and I get cold and sometimes you ask for me and sometimes you don’t” there is another verse… 

“if there’s a cure I think it’s out there in the dark…”

Max sings uncertainly. But with enough questioning in his voice to make me cock my head. What if the cure really is out there in the dark? I grab my headphones, put on my jacket & boots, and head for Cheesman in the dark. If there’s a cure, I’m gonna find it. When I hit the west border of the park, I can see that same moon that Max can see “all month the moon comin’ up low…” I walk & I think. I cry & I hum to myself. I don’t have the answers this time I guess, but I feel a little better. I find my bench and stand on top of it and find the moon. I can see my breath in the spiky Winter air and I do a quick little dance, more of a slow shake than anything. I hop down, beeline across the frosty grass through the center of the park and walk through the alleys home. I make myself a hot cup of tea before bed. I guess a cure can be all kinds of things. 

Max Garcia Conover is a songwriter from Portland, Maine, the kind of artist that this list (and originally my whole music blog) exists to spotlight. I think I found Max through bandcamp recommended artists (the music internet was a different, wild place in the early 2010’s!) but after putting his lovely album Burrow on my 2013 list, I reached out to Max and asked if I could create physical art for a couple of his patreon-only albums. We collaborated on a couple of projects where he let me hand make art for his patreon releases in 2015 and 2016. Back then I thought that maybe Max would fall in with the right musician crowd and his well deserving songs would finally make him a famous songwriter. Maybe Big Thief or Wilco would take him on tour. Maybe this current indie-folk-singer-songwriter-guy third wave would sweep him up and his songs would glow on tik-tok. But truthfully, I like it better this way. I hope you’re surviving ok up in Maine Max (I’m not wishing NOT fame on you haha!) but his songs have always found me like secret little letters sent from secret lovers, delivered to me EXACTLY always when I need them. Little satellites from space, arrows made of ponderosas, splitting my heart with truths too wonderful to be believed from anyone else but a deep old friend like Max..

Toddy Pond was recorded one night in a barn in Maine with Max’s long time friend & collaborator Ben Cosgrove. The piano that Ben adds to the album is gorgeous, stately, fun & dramatic & moving. Max says the barn recording session was joined by barn cats, dogs, swallows & chickens, and like always, his songs are teeming with life & light. By my count we’ve got barn owls, walleye, geese, porcupines, whales, cats & dogs & birds, “bugs of all kinds,” & assorted “critters.” When Max finally lets the evening go quiet on the heartache closer “when all of this was heaven sent” he sings “you held to me awhile and showed me how to listen to the hills” He gets still as he looks out over the hills & the water and sings sweetly to whoever’s holding to him awhile “now everyone I’ve ever known is under their own spells, and me… I hear the singer singing still.” I’m listening Max… I’m under my own spell and I can hear the singer singing still...

“Hold my monocular I’m going swimming / goddamn universe / I’m gonna get in / the quiet of the autumn / the coolness of the bottom / the billion little particles floating through the water / and I come back up heaving darkness / full of critters / starkissed / starlit / starving at the edge of appalachia…”

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MEDIUM BUILD   /   Country

Medium Build is the indie folk, alt-country, pop-rock songwriting project of Alaska’s Nick Carpenter. With relatably personal, autobiographical lyrics, impassioned emo folk vocals, and a sassy dash of silliness, Carpenter has been building a cult following in the indie world for almost 10 years. Country marks a big level up for him (his first full length since 2019!) and I fell in love with his songs back in October 2023 when he played Globe Hall (where I work!), and again last Spring when he made the big jump to two nights at the Bluebird Theater on Colfax. Something about the way Nick sings about his youth, helps me remember the glory days of my own. Memories of High School, small town nowhere western slope Colorado, Apple Tree Trailer Park, my best friends Joseph & Stephen, my first love Andrea, burned mix CDs, baseball, dumb movies, new haircuts & hoodies, converse all-stars, Jesus, punk rock, and girls. I was 16 years old when I first started realizing that music was my thing. I remember how we would drive just so we could listen to each other’s music, just to roll down the windows and sing songs. The songs on Country remind me of that feeling again. Real & youthful, raw & immediate, bursting at the seams. 

Country opens with the sweet, punchy self-love song “Beach Chair.” I’ve thought and worked on positive vs negative self talk a lot over the last couple of years, and it’s all too familiar to hear how Carpenter talks to himself. “You ain’t shit” Carpenter laughs in the mirror “but I love you!” There's an honesty in his voice as he continues “you need work, but I reckon it can be done” then he knocks it home with a sweet, impossibly endearing sly smile “I promise I won’t put no one above you, death do us part, beach chairs in the sun.” As someone coming to grips with loving myself, and loving my own space & time, this one hits home. But if you’re looking for a cutesy, loverboy song to sing to someone else besides yourself, check out “Knowing U Exist” when Nick chuckles quietly “Fuck I just love snacking with you... Seeing what you get!” For anyone who’s every shared secret favorite gas station snacks (for the record my road trip go-to’s are ranch corn nuts, sour haribo bears, hot dogs with all the fixings and fountain Dr. Pepper in the biggest cup they have!) Carpenter knows how to pen a love song. Personal fav “Hey Sandra” may be the deepest love song of the bunch, a song Carpenter says is loosely based on his dad. It’s the kind of post-fight, long time lovers, sad song that has me rooting for this couple so fucking hard. Like so many relationships, this guy is probably a little bit of a piece of shit who needs to go to therapy, but by the end of the song (maybe thanks to the daiquiris & Tammy Wynette covers) he is owning up to his shortcomings. They can make it work, they can make up. In press for Country, Nick talked about how his older albums raged with a youthful angst, angry & resentful. He talked about making this one feel “homey, lovey & lived in.” There is a real warmth throughout the album, you feel like you’re getting to know a deeper, more present version of Medium Build. Indeed, while Carpenter mines memories of his youth and tells stories, you can feel him coming to a deeper peace with the person he is in the public eye. 

Finally, title track “Cutting Thru The Country” showcases what NIck does best. Impassioned vocals straining against light 80’s power pop chords, screaming about life, hollering about his journey. He’s smoking cigarettes in the midwest, hooking up with strangers, thinking about someone special. In the midst of all this, he tells us universal truths in a new way… “Yeah, nothing lasts forever and everybody dies” Nick laments, but after taking a drink and waiting for a morning text, he resignedly mutters “Call me when you’re up, nothing lasts forever.. But I’m not in a rush!” In the swirl of all this "nothing lasting forever" talk I catch myself dreaming I’m back at Garden School, my cute little private christian school at the base of the Rocky Mountains along the mighty Colorado River. It’s where I had my first kiss, it’s where I started learned how to be who I was gonna be. I still have best friends from Garden School. Sometimes I feel like the way I loved music then was the exact same way I love music now. My best friends were Joseph & Stephen Piker. We would hang out after school, the purest pure joy I’ve ever known. We would sit in the car just listening to music. We reveled in our inside jokes, made plans for sleepovers, told stories about our mini adventures, watched cheesy movies and traded mixtapes & baseball cards. In high school I still loved straight-up christian indie rock (Switchfoot, Relient K, Bleach, Sanctus Real, The Newsboys, Delirious!) but Joseph taught me about heavier music, he ordered cds online from punk mailers, west coast shit (90 Mute, Pennywise) and old school shit (Black Flag, GBH, MInor Threat, Clash, Ramones etc…) and then later, classic metal. Stephen taught me about showtunes & broadway (Wicked, The Phantom of the Opera, Les Mis, Tick Tick Boom!) We met in the middle on late 90s/early 2000s alt rock, Third Eye Blind was our all time fav (way better than Nirvana) but we loved Blink 182 (and Angels & Airwaves!) The Killers, U2, Linkin Park etc… I have such fond memories of those days, sometimes I wish I could go back, even just for a week or a night, but “nothing lasts forever” as Nick yells, and I think I always knew that, even way back in those garden school days with Joseph & Stephen. We would drive to the Rifle Wal-Mart for no reason, simply to  drive the great stretch of I-70 west along the Colorado River with the windows down. To hear Joseph’s current favorite punk song, to sing silly harmonies with Stephen, to kick off a running joke about some dumb shit. To revel in the deep deep knowing that nothing really does last forever. To sing songs so loud out into the Summer night air that it didn't really matter if nothing lasted. So tonight, I do the same fucking thing. The way I love music now is the way I loved music then. So I roll the windows down and scream real loud. I'm cutting through the country. I'm on my way to you! I feel like a kid again. It feels good even though I know it won't last. The last light of Summer fades on the horizon out West. The last light of youth. I hit the great western highway curve doing 90 “Nothing lasts forever! But I’m not in a rush.”

"In my room check out this poster of the entire Simpsons cast / in my room I got this Weird Al tape, man, if you just wanna laugh / in my room maybe you could sleepover, hey, I just gotta ask / and then we could spend the night talkin' 'bout life... / In my room, I am sacred, I am safe, I am free / In my room I get to dream up who I really wanna be...."

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*MIDDLE KIDS   /   triple J Live At The Wireless - Enmore Theatre, Sydney 2024*

Truthfully, I could’ve put Middle Kids fantastic, early 2024, third full length album Faith Crisis Pt 1 here, but a funny thing happened when I was working on this list and decided to open up some extra spots for EPs, live albums, deluxe editions etc… I noticed some seemingly random connections to my 2017 Favorite Albums list. Five artists that debuted on my 2017 list (Middle Kids, Maggie Rogers, Leif Vollebekk, Little Simz & Hurray For The Riff Raff) returned seven years later in 2024! Make no mistake, all of these artists have released great albums in the years between, but for some reason, none of those albums made my lists, until they all returned in the same year. Something about songs always being there for you whenever you need them. So, long story short (a sentence I never say on this blog, because obviously, if music is involved, I loooove the loooong story!) putting the live Middle Kids album here allows me to celebrate a few of those “gap” songs that were there right when I needed them. 

There are tons of highlights that make listening to the live album worth it. The crowd energy is fantastic (check out the “Stacking Chairs” singalong!) frontwoman Hannah Cameron is an absolutely electric bandleader, and Middle Kids’ stage presence is delightful. They joke about smoking before playing a phenomenal version of the Lost Friends (their 2018 debut album) standout  “Mistake,” saying “this song is about… that” and when Hannah gets to the chorus, you can hear the laughter in her voice when she starts singing the line “It must be catching up my… smoking” and she blurts out “It IS about smoking!” Or when she jokes about the progression from Today We’re The Greatest (their underrated 2021 sophomore album) to Faith Crisis Pt 1 saying “we were like yess,,, Noooooooo” The live energy is palpable, Middle Kids seem to be having a blast “being in a room with people, sweaty & everything, down to connect, DTC baby!” and the band sounds incredible. The kind of catchy, anthemic Aussie, indie rock that I’ve loved so much over the years. Listening to the live album, I’m reminded how Middle Kids have been steadily building a career, right under my nose, and how I came back to them, exactly when I needed to.

There are three songs on the live album that cemented how much Middle Kids have been waiting for me, quietly writing songs that I needed, because they needed them too. The most obvious is the TWTG track “Stacking Chairs” a singalong rocker that finds Hannah belting one of my favorite declarations of true love on this list “When the wheels come off, I’ll be your spare. When the party’s over I’ll be stacking the chairs!” When Hannah introduces Faith Crisis' brooding “Bend” she says “I wrote this song in a hotel room when I was feeling quite alone. But this song is really about how you’ve gotta let some things crush you, and then the new life and the new strength can come out” before chuckling “so let’s get crushed!” I heard this song for the first time ever live at Red Rocks in the Summer of 2023 when Middle Kids opened for Manchester Orchestra & Jimmy Eat World. When the chorus hit, a soaring “I am one bend away from a break” I cried like a baby. 

Finally, the National-esque measured & declarative (and personal favorite Faith Crisis track) “Your Side, Forever” treads familiar Middle Kids ground. Hannah bemoaning tongue-in-cheekily “I know I’m doing it the hard way” before stubbornly insisting “But I kinda believe in the hard way.” But then, in all the hardness “Hannah goes down the rabbit hole” and ends up getting away from the party and talking about hard shit at the Hyde Park fountain. When she reaches the chorus (another soaring, emotional singalong) she sings a simple, universal idea that I have built playlists, conversations & whole friendships around these last few years “It’s a great, great sadness that never goes away” Hannah sings knowingly. Her acknowledgement of this great, great sadness serves to both celebrate and do battle against it. And if you know Hannah & Middle Kids, she believes in fighting. So she follows that acknowledgement with a heartfelt, brazen, dedicated encouragement “but it’s alright, I’m on your side… I’m on your side forever.” She is not denying the sadness (in fact the second part of the chorus says “IN the great, great sadness that never goes away, I’m on your side”) but she’s there. She’s not leaving. We’re fighting against it together. So many lyrics on this list mean so much to me, words to scrawl in notebooks, to burn into my brain, to tattoo on your skin, to share with friends & lovers in the dark, on the long walk home. Hannah’s words, simple & definitive, give a glimpse into what I’m searching for in all this music shit. It is feeling understood. It is someone thousands of miles away feeling the exact same way you do, knowing how you feel, and writing it down with words & music, melodies & lyrics, in a way that cuts right through you. Like it was written just for you. Like the song is yours. A secret magic power that you can use to transform your life. I love you Middle Kids. I’m on your side forever.

"Wherever you are / we're just getting started / out of the dark & into the highlands / give me your heart / I wanna hide it / and I can't keep waiting for things to change..."

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PREVIOUS INDUSTRIES / Service Merchandise

Doechii’s album may have been the best rap album of 2024, but supergroup Previous Industries’ debut album Service Merchandise is my favorite rap album of 2024. A laid back, retro grooving, classic rap album, Chicago legends Open Mike Eagle, Video Dave & STILL RIFT team up to form a superstar trio, heavy on the light hearted wordplay. Their debut is a delightfully smart, woozily, lo-fi boombox mixtape straight out of Chicago's golden days. Back in 2022 I put Open Mike Eagle’s powerful eighth album on my fav albums list. He was headlining Larimer Lounge (where I work!) and my coworker best friend Danielle had been telling me about him since I met her. It was a perfect collision, the show was incredible, and that album still means a lot to me. My secret favorite thing about the show was Open Mike’s opener Video Dave. Long time friends & collaborators, Mike & Dave feature, guest, & tour together, and I can’t remember exactly why I didn’t put Dave’s glowing ArticulatedTexTiles on my favorites list in 2023. Luckily for me, David & Michael share duties with another one of their old friends STILL RIFT, trading laugh out loud funny raps, slick tongued references, and generally warm, familial vibes on Service Merchandise. They kick it off introducing themselves on opening track “Showbiz.” STILL RIFT (“pronounced with the napalm”) Open MIke (“My name is Open Michael, and it’s pronounced like it was fired from a broken rifle”) and Dave (“My name is David, pronounced with the video”). From there their references are deeply fun & googleable. From Celozzi-Ettleson (a car dealership in Illinois) to ShowBiz Pizza, Herve Villechaize, Shel Silverstein, “Glycerine” by Bush, comic books, movies, video games, sports, and of course the dusty nostalgia of 90’s shopping malls. In fact the whole album is loosely conceptualized around forgotten catalogs & department stores; flipping through pages & peering in windows, ruminating hazily on how the passing of time can make you appreciate what’s gone. Silly advertisements with deeper meanings on how to mine the past for future lessons on aging & growing. 

My favorite thing about Previous Industries is the warm camaraderie you can feel between these three friends. Most of Service Merchandise feels like joining a chill hang, the three rappers taking turns, jumping in & out, hanging out in a hot Summer night parking lot after the show, laughing at each other’s rhymes & references, clapping at especially deft & dazzling verses. When I saw Previous Industries live at 1pm at the same Hopscotch Music Fest where I saw DUNUMS, the friendship between them was obvious & infectious. A perfectly sweaty afternoon festival set (complete with a Hannibal Burress/Eshu Tune cameo) full of shared smiles, inside jokes, and the kind of vibey, lyrical pirouetting that only comes with years spent practicing at the same turn-taking parking lot hangs. These three have a clear appreciation for their craft, Service Merchandise is a hidden gem of an album, and boy is it a trip hanging out in the parking lot with these dudes, listening to three aging superstars having the time of their lives.

"Grip on all my vices cuz they hold me back / my vices love it when I grip them and I know because they hold me back..."

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RACHEL CHINOURIRI   /   What A Devastating Turn of Events

About 30 seconds into the dramatic, drumming, world-building intro to Rachel Chinouriri’s jaw dropping debut album, the music kicks out and Rachel says flatly, almost matter of factly “ummm… I think we should record that.” Her voice is immediately swallowed by a swirling electric guitar riff and the album sinks in and lifts off. Traversing deep emotional trauma, relationship strife, familial differences, and the challenges of growing up, the 26 year old Chinouriri drives her debut album with surprising confidence and a singular voice. Born in London to Zimbabwean parents, Chinouriri has been amassing a growing collection of songs online since 2018. It makes sense then that What A Devastating Turn of Events is a highly dynamic debut. Chinouriri lists British music legends Lily Allen and Daughter as influences, and musically, Events glows with energy, both grungy & poppy, a completely modern album that also wouldn’t be out of place in the mid-late 90s.

Album opener “Garden of Eden” is a pounding kiss off to the fragility (and stupidity! “The kids are throwing up in the garden”) of youth. When it finally climaxes, Chinouriri interrupts herself with a cassette player click off, and in the same flat, careless tone states, “well… maybe I’m just trying to stay young.” Personal fav “The Hills” traipses similar lyrical content, Chinouriri bemoans familiarity in physical spaces (“your house don’t feel like a home, in a room you’ve outgrown / everybody’s been there, so you try your best to leave”) and the song careens on a massively grungy guitar riff to a huge, anthemic chorus. “Never Need Me” is more of a bop, an indie pop-rock earworm that I totally would’ve belted windows down in high school or college. Last September, my friend Paige texted me asking if I had heard of Rachel Chinouriri. She said she had just started listening and “I love love her!” I was familiar with her name, had maybe heard a song or two in passing on a playlist, but I love taking recs, so I did what I usually do when I don’t feel like I have time to give it a good listen right away. I threw her album on a massive playlist that I build throughout the year called “albums i may have missed in 2024!” Well, when I started finalizing this list, I put it on and was absolutely BLOWN AWAY! A sharp, inspiring debut album from an awe-inducing talented young songwriter, go listen to Rachel Chinouriri!

"We were perfect strangers / one life torn in two / you were robbed of summer / I was robbed of you / nothing lasts forever / but you were gone too soon..."

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R A R E B Y R D $   /   PA$$-A-FI$T

If you’ve been around the Denver music scene and paid attention for long enough, you’ve certainly heard of RAREBYRD$. Denver’s own legendary hip hop duo is Kheya Lenay Yeager & KoKo LA (Korryne Da'nell Coleman) with the help of Michael Blomquist on instrumentation. Their jaw dropping new album PA$$-A-FI$T (I'll say PAF from here on out to $ave on dollar $ign$) was released a couple of months ago, at the very end of 2024 on Denver’s own (also legendary) Unit E Records. My all-time favorite music writer in Denver, Tom Murphy of Queen CIty Sounds, calls PAF “Super experimental yet incredibly accessible. Dreamlike, sensual, & immersive.” I always read everything Tom writes and recommends, and he has a way of describing music that makes me want to listen to whatever he’s recommending. “There’s some gangsta rap sensibility here” Tom goes on to say “and the lyrics are diverse, not short on songs about female sexuality and some social commentary mixed in. But it’s a deep vibe.” Indeed PAF is an instant classic rap and r&b album, a delightful listen, powerful, powerful music from some true Denver legends. 

The first thing that grabbed me about PAF, is the steady groove of the dreamy, woozy production. Instrumentally, there is so much to dig into in the production here. From the emphatically brooding synth riff that thunders late night vibes through the pounding opener “Antidote,” to the soothing vocal wash and layers that build “Living4It” into a meditative groove, to the magnetic drum machines and video game synth blurps that push “ILikeIt” into some seriously sexy territory. Lyrically, Tom was not joking when he said “not short on songs about female sexuality” from the breathy moans of "ILikeIt." to the naked yoga in “GirlYouNasty,” and the face-sitting in “BiGG FiGGa.” I particularly love “I am not a snack bitch, I’m a buffet.” Bottom line, PAF plays like a classic rap album, the production is incredible, the rhymes hard hitting, smile inducing, head turning, aggressively confident, bombastic, sexy & smart. PAF has everything you want in a rap album, By the time the dramatic pump-up closer "HotLikeDaBlock" rolls in over the ringing chimes of early 2000's indie production (think Twin Shadow meets CHVRCHES meets Phantogram meets The XX!) it's clear that RAREBYRD$ are shooting for the stars on this one. Denver is proud to call RAREBYRD$’ ours and this may be the best album to come out of the Mile High City in 2024.

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REYNA TROPICAL   /   Malegria

Reyna Tropical was started as a duo project between guitarist & songwriter Fabi Reyna and the late producer & DJ Nectali “Sumohair” Diaz in 2016 in LA. Both Fabi & Sumo had been born in Mexico and raised in the states. When Sumo passed unexpectedly in 2022, Fabi took on the weight of releasing Reyna Tropical’s debut album in memory of him. The result is a powerfully meditative exploration of grief & emotion titled Malegria. A word smash (portmanteau if you’re fancy) of the Spanish words “mal” (meaning bad) and “alegria” (meaning happiness) basically “bittersweet.” Reyna took the album title from a song by the legendary Spanish/French songwriter Manu Chao. Effortlessly blending Central & South American rhythms with Reyna’s fluid guitar work, Malegra slinks through sensual late night club bops, and bright sunrise, bird chirp morning pop ballads. 

Upon its release, Reyna spoke openly saying...

“Malegria is dedicated to my brother, my ancestor, my guide, my protector, my soulmate in music and my partner in revolution, Sumohair. This vision is dedicated to our bloodline that runs like a river back to our roots, limpiando y sanando los que vienen del medio—beings of the diaspora. This prayer is for our own acceptance and liberation. May this music serve as a warm blanket when the time comes to let go.”

Sprinkled throughout the album are recordings of Diaz & Reyna’s conversations about the recordings, adding not only a light uplifting addition, but giving a sacredness and a deepness to these songs of grief & celebration. Reminiscent in a way of Tre Burt’s recordings of his dad from last year’s magnificent Traffic Fiction. A lot of my reading & listening in 2024 was centered around the idea of the passing of time, how it bends, how it moves, and how it relates to grief. One of my all time favorite writers Hanif Abdurraqib wrote about time & grief for the New Yorker, in a piece centered around the work of the great poets Nikki Giovanni & Octavia Butler called "Lessons For The End of the World." Abdurraqib says

“I will say that I was thinking about time—how it peels away from us in fractions that don’t always feel like fractions. The slowness of time’s passage, for me, has often depended on what story I can extract from the time spent. What can be told to someone else, which might then be told to someone else. If you are lucky, sometimes minutes feel like entire generations fit within them.”

Throughout Malegria, Sumo’s presence is felt, not just as a cheesy, AI montage, meant to induce tears at the passing of someone great. No, his presence is felt like a generation alive in a three minute song, told by someone who knows how important it is to remember. The fractions of time made important by who lives in them. Sumo’s life given meaning by how he lives on through Fabi’s life. These songs glow & dance with energy, Fabi’s singing & guitar transcendentally transporting, uplifting and magical.

"Un movimiento ritual / como las olas del mar / por un momento de paz..."

"A ritual movement / like the waves of the sea / for a moment of peace..."

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SOMESURPRISES   /  Perseids

I’d like to start with some info about the Perseids meteor shower, after which Somesurprises magnificent sophomore album is named. 

“The Perseids are a prolific meteor shower associated with the comet Swift–Tuttle that are usually visible from mid-July to late-August. The meteors are called the Perseids because they appear from the general direction of the constellation Perseus. The name is derived from the word Perseidai (Greek: Περσείδαι), the sons of Perseus in Greek mythology.

The stream of debris is called the Perseid cloud and stretches along the orbit of the comet Swift–Tuttle. The cloud consists of particles ejected by the comet as it travels on its 133-year orbit. Most of the particles have been part of the cloud for around a thousand years. However, there is also a relatively young filament of dust in the stream that was pulled off the comet in 1865. 

The shower is visible from mid-July each year, with the peak in activity between August 9 (my birthday!) and 14. The Perseids are primarily visible in the Northern Hemisphere.”

Somesurprises’ shimmering sophomore album Perseids, shooting starred (I know, I knowwww!) its way into my life way back in May. Their swirling, mesmerizing, psychedelic shoegaze soundscapes seemed to soundtrack my Spring perfectly, all sparkly, starry, & uplifting. From the twinkling synth and big, impassioned dream-pop vocals of opener “Be Reasonable” to the absolutely monstrous, 8+ minute crushing closing title track, Perseids is a musical masterpiece, meant to be listened to as a whole, and in order, from start to finish.

Somesurprises is the musical project of Natasha El-Sergany. Natasha is Egyptian/English American, born in Ireland to immigrant parents (her day job is as an immigration lawyer in Seattle!) Growing up Sergany bounced between England, Florida, North Carolina, Virginia & Seattle, and those reference points constellate across Perseids to create her singular voice. Her ethereal melodies seem to connect the dots between eastern mysticism & PNW grunge; floating somewhere between the vastness of space, the ferocity of the desert, & the unknowable deep, dark ocean. Over the majestic drone cacophony of the closing title-track, PNW experimental vocal master Jessika Kenney reads an interpretation of a poem from the legendary Persian poet Hafez. Sergany’s attention to detail pays off throughout Perseids, she is world building, she surrounds you with these songs, this album is intoxicating. 

Perseids had just been released when Somesurprises played the long-standing DIY venue Glob here in Denver, CO. Glob is one of our last remaining sacred DIY spaces, housed in a nondescript warehouse building, long & narrow, with couches lining the walls. Surviving in what was once a barren industrial district on the outskirts of Five Points, Glob holds on miraculously against the increasingly horrific squall of breweries, hip restaurants, and lifeless blocked squares of AI-created luxury apartments. Somesurprises performance at Glob felt sacred, legendary & fleeting. A favorite show of the year for me for sure. I brought two cans of good beer from home and drank them with my friend Casey (cuz who else would come with me to a DIY venue?!) and I remember walking out into the sparkling Spring night air saying to myself, “Perseids is a lock for my end of the year favorites list.”

A secret thing I’m trying to do with all of the albums on this list this year, is to pick a goal or a learning or a lesson, something tangible that I can work on to cement the albums' importance in my life. The goal I’m picking for Perseids should come as no surprise (some surprise?!) Come with me this August to somewhere outside of Denver, far enough from the city lights, and let’s watch the Perseid cloud ejecting from the comet, abandoning its 133 year journey, hurtling to earth as fireballs of electric light, visible for seconds, streaking across the sky, one after another, before they fade into the epic, black vastness of space. I want to close with the heartfelt words Sergany shared upon Perseids release into the world.

“These songs have kept me company for years in many layered stages and it feels so good & right to finally share them with all of you! I experienced deep joy & profound loss during the making of this record and beyond (like most humans) and rediscovered some of the things that make life worth living. I am grateful that I got to share some of these songs from my phone with my grandmother before she passed away, and that one of the songs made her feel like she was in ‘another world.’ I hope a sense of the possibility of renewal is transmitted through these songs, personally & collectively.”

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YASMIN WILLIAMS   /   Acadia

Way back in 2021, I put Yasmin Williams’ instrumental guitar album Urban Driftwood on my end of the year Favorites list calling it “delicate & uplifting” a true “morning record” full of “rainbows of warm light.” Indeed, I spent many mornings in 2021 with Yasmin, easing into days & months & years. For her third album Acadia, Williams has upped the energy big time, and she pushes her boundaries as an artist in a really exciting way. For starters, while Driftwood featured mostly Williams alone, Acadia features 19 (!) guest artists, all handpicked by Yasmin. They weave in & out, sharing the stage with Williams’ generous playing, creating a warm, cohesive familial energy; elevating the album with an almost sunset, campfire, “sing” along magic vibe. Check out the boisterous strumming on the adventurous opener “Cliffwalk” courtesy of Piedmont folk-blues legend Dom Flemons, or the dreamy vocals (vocals?!) from Darlingside & Aoife O’Donovan on the gorgeous “Virga” and the sunrise wonder of “Dawning.” Banjo & fiddle dance in on the bluegrass inflected, wild romp of “Hummingbird” courtesy of Allison de Groot & Tatiana Hargreaves, and it sounds Spring-y in all the ways I need right now. Finally, it should come as no surprise that when Williams picks up an electric (electric?!) guitar on “Dream Lake” and “Malamu,” she absolutely shreds!

Yasmin is a world class guitarist, not just in the classical “jazz” sense, but she is exploratory & inventive, flipping her guitar horizontally, hammering and pulling away, making it come alive. This album especially, opens up her career in a big way, and it’s exciting to think about where she could go next. There is no better example of that potential than on the breathtakingly euphoric closer “Malamu.” Teaming up with jazz legends Marcus Gilmore (drums) and Immanuel Wilkins (saxophone) she trips along merrily through an ecstatic jam (are my jam band friends paying attention here?!) building & layering, sweetly swapping her guitar and Wilkins’ sax, spinning round & round each other to a showstopping conclusion. At a little over 4 minutes “Malamu” feels much longer, and the catharsis to be found in Williams (and her co-stars!) exuberant playing is joyful & jubilant. Maybe an 18 minute full band live version is in the works?! Williams has created a masterpiece with Acadia. The kind of album that has the power to both lift my spirits and calm my mind. The kind of album that I’ll be listening to for the rest of my life. While I let her last album be a morning companion, Acadia has already joined me on outdoor adventures. From snowy Cheesman park evening walks, to windows-down car rides in the Western Spring air; to late Summer creek dips, surrounded by hummingbirds & hawks, wildflowers & water bugs. Thanks for making Acadia Yasmin, I’ll treasure these songs always.

[h9o6]

[Progress] 2024 Year End RoundUp - Part 1/2

Hello,

Happy New Year! We can’t believe it’s a new year―how unreal! How did the year 2024 turn out for you? We hope it was a great year for everyone!

Year 2024 was a wild ride for us. Here is the first part to the roundup of our progress in making our free otome game MY DEAR☆LOVE, inspired by old-school shoujo manga and stat-raising games such as Princess Maker! We will be revealing art and documents that were never posted before so we hope you enjoy! [Image heavy post below]

2022 September: First conceptions

The game was first conceived in a document titled “SukiSukiSukiSuki!” (すきすきすきすき！) which literally means “Love Love Love Love!”. The basis of the story and the game system remain largely unchanged.

The first document dates back to September of 2022.

First concept sketch of Megumi, the playable main character.

2023 January: First game design documents

We wrote the first game design documents which detailed the game system and the story. Hinata Yoyo, our project lead and game artist, made concept art of the three major characters.

The premise of MY DEAR☆LOVE is simple with a focus on relationship between characters, and stands as a blend of slice-of-life and romantic comedy. We were inspired by old-school shoujo manga such as Baby & Me and Aishiteruze Baby, stat-raising simulation games, and mini games from the Adobe Flash era. (Sakuraba Oki)

Megumi was the most difficult to design as we wanted a heroine with a soft appearance yet strong on the inside. I first sketched her on paper and started fiddling around digitally. She is probably the only character that had different hairstyles to go through. Personally, I prefer her hair down, but the final design was a better fit. (Hinata Yoyo)

Atsuya, the love interest of the game, was unexpectedly simple to design. We were able to finish his design in one shot. It almost felt like Atsuya was guiding my pen, telling me how to visualize and realize him. Katsuya was the first to be completed digitally, so his original sprite looked slightly different from other characters. I worked on him first because he is a child character that plays a very important role in the story―Katsuya has to be expressive, conveying his emotions frequently to help other characters show their feelings on a surface level as well. (Hinata Yoyo)

2024 June: Kickstarter Launch

We launched our Kickstarter campaign on June 25th, 2024. Every pledge was celebratory, and we were very grateful for the support we saw!

A visual progression of the cover of our Kickstarter campaign. The Japanese logo was swapped out in the last iteration.

Hinata made multiple promo art during our campaign. From left to right: celebrating Atsuya’s birthday, celebrating 10 backers, celebrating Tanabata (Japanese star festival).

2024 July: Extended Demo Released

On July 21, we released the extended demo which is the current playable file. This demo replaces the mini demo released previously; it features the whole prologue and introduces the love interest Atsuya along with his best friend Hayato.

Screenshots from the extended demo.

2024 Aug: Kickstarter ends

Our Kickstarter campaign ended on August 9th, 2024, with a total of $1,706 CAD pledged. Although we did not reach our funding goal, we are determined to continue development and deliver the game.

Thank you to every backer who chose to place their trust in us, and thank you to everyone in the community for showing support! We truly believe this experience has allowed us to learn and grow, and we hope to come back stronger next time.

To be continued in Part 2…

That is it for part 1 of the roundup! Part 2 will be a look at our progress after our KS campaign ended, which includes the polishing of character sprites, the completed key visual, and more. Stay tuned and see you very soon!

✿ ✿ ✿

If you like our work, please consider supporting us on Ko-fi! There are monthly subscription ranging from $3~$50 CAD! (about $2 ~ $37 USD)

Thank you for supporting an indie studio like us; it makes a big difference as we would be able to create freeware and budget-friendly games for everyone! Stay tuned and stay hydrated!

[smolsleepyfox]

for the fear of being hashtag lame, song 69

This is my favorite song from Fellowship, so I sing it a TON during car rides and am just waiting for a karaoke version to come out >:3

Anyway in August 2022 I had just arrived in Turku, Finland for my semester abroad. I was a month early for all other students and a week early for my friends who'd go to Knotfest with me to set up my room. It was 30 degress, full sun, and I am walking into town from the student village to go shopping. I'm walking along a major road and approaching a bus stop when a man at the stop turns to me. My Finnish was not great, but what I did understand was "Lokki" (seagull). What do you mean there's a seagull?

There is indeed a seagull, in the bike lane, with a broken wing.

The man does the most helpful thing possible and gets into the bus, letting me stand there with an injured animal, in a country whose language I am far from fluent in.

I couldn't catch the seagull myself, but managed to manoever it off the bike lane before it got run over by an e scooter and then I called the animal rescue. The first number only took care of cats and dogs, and also didn't speak English, so that was interesting, but the second one said they'd send a volunteer.

Fun fact: Fellowship published a novel to accompany the album (it's free on their website) so in the two hours that I stood in the sun, that's what I read. It's a cute fantasy story about self worth, go read it.

The volunteers eventually arrived while I was on the last chapter and bundled the unhappy seagull into a banged up red car. I went shopping two hours late. I also got a sunburn and was lucky I didn't get heat stroke (wear a hat, y'all).

Within a year after that I also found a baby pidgeon on a bike lane in a different city, so that was just my bird year it seems.

Thank you for asking, this was very fun to finally write down.