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huramuna · 9 months ago

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banshee's lament - chapter 4.

aemond targaryen x stark ofc minor jacaerys velaryon x stark ofc masterlist prev | next

a/n: this chapter might be a bit slower. it's building some things up and i wanted to brush up on my combat writing. it's a bit scuffed but i hope you enjoy! aemond is kind of feral in this chapter.

wordcount: 4.2k

@huramuna-fics - follow & turn on notifications for just my fic postings! no taglists right now, sorry.

content: smut, angst, fluff, disabled ofc, aemond being delulu & obsessive, major canon divergence, ofc has a service direwolf, i'm taking canon rules and putting them in a blender and taking a shot, arranged marriage, graphic depictions of violence, my terrible, terrible combat writing

story playlist

‘Little wolf spider’ Helaena had called her. She remembered Helaena’s incessant facts about them specifically– why, of all things, did she remember that? She remembered Helaena citing that they were excellent hunters with superb eyesight. They did not spin webs, most being wanderers without permanent homes.

It almost made her want to laugh. It truly described her well, didn’t it? Besides the eyesight part… and the hunting part– she was indeed, a little wolf spider– doomed to be alone and not able to make her own home, a rolling stone amongst the waves that threatened to drown her.

After the betrothal announcement dinner and subsequent breakdown of Shera, she stayed in her chambers for a few days, not feeling well enough to socialize, nor see the faces of people that would’ve heard her crying. Cregan visited a few times, bringing her a meal or two and forcing her to bathe– it was agitating her to be forced to do something she loved, something she wished to do alone.

He, thankfully, had maids do the actual washing part– but this still annoyed Shera to bits. She hated being touched, being fretted over by them as they looked upon her like she was lesser, like she wasn’t capable of doing things herself. She felt suffocated in a place that usually brought her peace, simpering tiny whines as they pulled at her hair.

I can do it, I can do it– just let me do it!

She wanted to scream and claw their wandering eyes out, then go and kick Cregan in the balls– this was his fault, his fault–

Finally, the maids left and she felt like a freshly plucked duck, ready to be roasted over the fire. Her skin was red and pink, emanating heat that she could almost see, steam roiling over her overwrought skin.

Moongeist whined at the closed washroom door– they had locked him out, the absolute fiends. She wrapped in a robe, pinning her hair up with a whale bone pin and opened the door.

“Come here, lovey,” she cooed, voice broken and hoarse still. “They locked you out– my poor bubby.” Shera pat his head, descending onto her knees. She was still weak from the emotional turmoil she’d gone through, bleeding into her physical state, but she would need to be bed bound before she would ever forsake Moongeist proper scratches. Her hands glided through his black fur and she pressed her face to him, taking in his familiar scent.

Everyone said he smelled like a dog, but that was simply untrue. He smelled… clean, he smelled like wolf– which was much different than smelling like dog. It was primal and heady, deep and warm like fir trees and pine nettles and all the things that were so synonymous with him. She scratched behind his ears and his leg thumped on the ground.

Cregan returned to her chamber, a plate of something sweet smelling in his hand. He put it down on the dining table. “Are you feeling better today?”

Shera’s mouth pursed into a thin line as she got back to her feet— with Moongeist’s assistance— and meandered to the table. “Define better.” she murmured, inspecting the plate. It was piled high with her favorite treat; sticky honey walnut cakes. Her mouth filled with saliva instantly and her brow raised to Cregan. Perhaps her brother was more considerate than she thought.

“Better as in you’d be able to walk the Keep— Jacaerys and I are going to be skirmishing in the training yard at noon.”

She all but scowled as she pilfered one of the pastries, biting into it without much decorum. It was a messy dessert, designed to be eaten with a fork and knife— but damn that, she would be sticky faced like a honey drunk bear if she pleased! She melded into the flavors, the nostalgia of it tampering her mood. “… I suppose I could watch.”

“He asked for you, you know.”

Shera’s brow raised. ‘He’ could mean a lot of people. “Who?”

“Jacaerys. He asked if you were alright and wished his condolences for your… illness.”

“Is that what we are saying it is now? An illness?” she muttered, taking another bite of the cake. Yes, how diminishing it felt to pass off her fragility of mind as an illness. Of course— how else could it be put? She was surprised that it wasn’t being spread as a ‘malady of woman’, or some other pompous innocuous name for whatever was really wrong with her.

“What would you call it then?”

She made a noncommittal noise and continued eating. After finishing, she let out a sigh. “Thank you for the cakes, Cregan.”

“I didn’t bring them— they were at your chamber door when I came back.”

She tilted her head. “They were just… there?”

“I didn’t even know you liked honey walnut cakes, Shera.”

She clenched her jaw, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. “I’ll be at the yard at noon. I need to get ready, if you please.” she said, the nicest way of putting it. Leave, brother. You’re annoying.

–

Dressed in a lighter garment than usual, she descended the steps carefully. A light blue tulle train flowed behind her, rippling and waving in the breeze like the white capped crests upon the Blackwater. It was different from her normal style of muted, monotone colors— mayhaps it was a way to uplift herself.

It was a lovely blue and green hue, embroidered with filigree patterns. The sleeves were long, accompanied by a sweeping circular decolletage, exposing her soft collarbone and the faintest swell of breast. She had felt so confident leaving her chambers— she even went with a shorter veil than usual, the lace falling just past her jaw.

Walking down the hall, Moongeist nosed her hand to his head, as if to remind her of something. She felt… exposed. A bit too much for her liking. Her fingers glided over her wolf’s soft fur… and she remembered, swiftly turning around to grab her fur stole from her room. “Thank you for reminding me, sweet boy,” she hummed, snuggling into the comforting, familiar fur.

Descending down to the training yard, she fanned herself with an errant hand. Even with less layers than usual and lighter colors, she was still broiling under the sun. Moongeist panted near her, tongue lolled out in silent agreement.

“A parasol might do you well, my lady,” a bored voice drawled. “Your pale complexion does you wonders, but I wonder if you still flay in the sun like as a child.”

“Aegon,” Shera recognized the lazy, tired voice of the eldest child of Alicent. He had been one of her companions back in the day, but also one of her greatest foes– before the incident of course. “I’m surprised to see you outside. I’ve heard you’re solely a creature of the dark now.”

“I am full of surprises, dear Shera,” he caught up to her, looping their arms together all too readily. He had a dopey smile on his face, but it didn’t match the pure exhaustion in his eyes. Dark bags fell under those violet orbs like a dreary storm. “I happen to be coming back from… such nightly activities.”

Moongeist let out a growl as he touched her, but Shera silenced him. She didn’t believe that she had any reason to fear Aegon and thought him almost as pathetic as she. “Very well.”

“I heard about… the dinner. I’m glad I slipped out when I did, I knew it’d be a shit show,” he was fiddling with his rings on his free arm, all while stringing her along to the training yard. “Curious how Aemond said you were a bashed up mess under that veil of yours, and yet– he is challenging your betrothed and your brother to a duel?”

“How do you know that?”

“I have my ways– eyes and ears everywhere.”

“Helaena told you, didn’t she?”

“... mm. Maybe– even so, I don’t think it’s wholly terrible under there, is it?” he peered at her, a single hand lifting her veil to peek underneath.

She promptly slapped his hand away and wrenched herself from his grasp, followed by Moongeist giving a warning snap to the air. “Don’t you have somewhere to be? Sleeping off your night, mayhaps?”

“Well– yes,” Aegon backed up, putting his hands in the air in surrender. “I just wanted to catch up. Is that so terrible?”

“Yes.”

He patted down imaginary dust from his doublet, twisting his rings again as they reached the landing to the training yard observation deck. He leaned his head to look out and survey it for a moment before a devilish smirk perked at his mouth once more. “You are going to wish that it was me talking to you soon enough, Shera. Have fun, zokla.” Wolf.

Shera watched him jaunt off with an air of confusion, turning to walk onto the rampart. She saw Jacaerys there already with Cregan, talking and laughing with… Rhaena and Baela. Daemon was there, too, stalking in the background.

Fuck.

She took a deep breath, glancing to the dirt grounds where Aemond was sparring with Criston.

Cregan’s voice echoed in her mind. They’re not your friends, not anymore. She pulled her stole closer to herself, walking forward. I don’t have any friends here. Except for Helaena, it seemed. Steeling her nerves, she made her way to the small congregation. “Brother, Jacaerys,” she greeted first, dipping her head. Cregan seemed jovial and in good spirits– he always was around Jacaerys and vice versa. “Lady Baela, Lady Rhaena.” she spoke then, trying to keep her quivering voice even. They hadn’t spoken since Baela had slashed her eye and attempted to kill her. Shera took in her appearance best she could– she had grown up, as they all had, but especially resembled her mother, Laena. Shera remembers seeing Laena’s portraits in Driftmark– and her statuesque coffin depiction before she was pushed into the sea.

“Shera,” Jacaerys grinned, taking her hand– which she did not offer him– and kissed it. So gallant, so princely. It made her want to vomit. “It’s a lovely day today, isn’t it?”

Yes, it’s a lovely day, stifling hot in the hells. “... it could do with a breeze, mayhaps. But yes, quite nice.” she responded coolly.

“‘Tis my turn to spar Aemond next– apparently he has been here since the crack of dawn with Criston. Do you think he’s getting exhausted yet, my lady?” Jace asked, guiding Shera to her seat and handing her a fan. At least he noticed that she was positively broiling.

She leaned and looked over the rampart to the skirmishing ring, where Aemond kept up his pace. “Since dawn, you say?” she asked, raising a brow as she fanned herself.

Aemond was using a shortsword, which seemed to be his weapon of choice against all others. Ser Criston was wielding a morningstar with spiked barbs around it. Her lone eye was entranced on the prince’s movements as he danced around his teacher, footwork impeccable as if he were simply floating across the dirt, whipping up hardly any dust in his wake. Shera wished she was a bit closer so she could see it better, but his movements didn’t seem to be exhausted in the slightest– he was like grebe skimming over the water, in his element.

Criston raised his morningstar, twirling it before making his advance to the prince, to which Aemond did not move. Move, Aemond. Move! What are you doing? Shera clenched her fist in her lap and leaned forward even farther to try and parse exactly what Aemond’s plan was– certainly not to face a morningstar head on with a simple shortsword? She held her breath as he was within bludgeoning range of the flail, the chains clinking as Criston didn’t waiver– it was like they were in a real fight. Was he about to kill Aemond?

She rose to her feet quickly, startled by what she thought was about to be a murder– only to watch Aemond roll deftly out of the way as the kingsguard’s weapon stuck into the dirt, lodged a few inches in by the heft of his lunge. This was a clear opportunity for Aemond, one he calculated so carefully. He stuck the tip of his shortsword through the links of the flail, keeping it pinned to the ground and hovered a dagger at Ser Cole’s neck with his other hand.

“I yield, my prince.” Criston huffed, bowing his head.

“Very good,” Aemond grinned– but it wasn’t a grin of joy, this seemed to be a recurring theme with Aemond– he smiled but it was nothing of mirth. It was simply a reflex, like a snake opening its jaws to stretch its fangs, one might think it was laughing. “Who’s next?”

Shera realized the kerfuffle she’d made, her hand white knuckled against her chest as she stared at Aemond in abject horror, still not getting past the fact that she had been deathly worried about Aemond– even after the horrible things he had said. If Ser Cole’s flail had met the prince’s head, she would’ve jumped the rampart with Moongeist and mauled that sordid Kingsguard without a second thought.

She blinked, letting out a breath. Where did that come from? She was usually so well versed in her moods, as tumultuous as they could be. But this rage had snuck up on her, her blood boiling slightly. She glanced to her side, Moongeist was up and raring to go, as if sharing her sentiment.

Aemond wiped sweat from his forehead, finally looking to the ramparts. Their eyes met once again and he smirked. Smirked. It wasn’t a reflexive, mirthless smirk either. It was taunting, pompous. “Lady Shera,” he drawled, dislodging his sword from the ground and twirled it with ease, like it was an attachment of his own body. “You are dressed… brightly today.” he walked to the edge of the ring, looking directly up at her.

Shera looked behind her for a moment– the rest of the party was occupied with talking with one another. She pressed her arms on the wall and leaned down. “I am. You are not.”

“When have I ever been?”

“You used to like green.”

“Hm,” he snorted, wiping some errant dirt from his face. “If I were in a tourney, would you cast down your favor to me?”

“I thought you didn’t care for tournaments, my prince.”

“I don’t.” he responded coolly, his eye trained on her so intensely. He was looking at something– did she have something on her face?

She realized quickly the air coming up from under her veil, the shorter one she wore today, and her angle. She was looking… down at him, and the veil stayed in place. He could see her face. He was looking at her, studying her like a book. Shera let out a soft sheepish noise, pushing back from the rampart and sitting back at her seat.

She heard him laugh as he walked away to stow his weapon on the rack and pick another. He was laughing at her– surely because he thought her ugly. Wilting into herself, she adjusted her veil so that she might not have any more mishaps.

“Jacaerys, I believe it’s your turn,” she murmured, fanning herself again, then fanning Moongeist.

“Ah, very good. Wish me luck, my lady.”

“Good luck, Jacaerys.” she hummed. I do wish you don’t get your brains splattered in the pit by Aemond. I am not getting up again.

Cregan clasped Jace on the shoulder with such ferocity he almost knocked the prince over, walking down to the pit with him. Shera rolled her eyes and leaned back in her seat.

“So, Lady Stark,” Baela hummed, pulling her seat up next to Shera. Uncomfortably close. “Cregan is your brother, yes?”

“Yes, my lady.” she responded, trying not to sound annoyed.

“Forgive me– you two don’t look much alike, so I was just making sure.”

You cannot even see my face, how do you know we do not look alike? The last time you saw my face, you mauled it. “Cregan takes after our father more than I. I am more like our mother– or so I’ve been told. I’ve not met her.” she fiddled with her fur stole to ease her growing irritation. Add mother issues to the list of things I have wrong with me. Shera’s mother died shortly after her birth– all she knew is that she had copper hair. Their father had put away portraits and any semblance of her existence after– and never remarried.

Baela carefully sidestepped the issue of Shera’s mother, keeping her pressed about Cregan. “My stepmother says that mayhaps after you and Jacaerys are wed, she will propose a betrothal between Cregan and I.”

Oh, of course. Let’s have Winterfell all but indebted to dragons. “I hadn’t heard. Have you been North, my lady?”

“No– but I imagine it cannot be any harsher than the roiling tides of Driftmark.”

Fuck you. “Having been both places– they are very different, Lady Baela,” Shera knew she was being short and not doing well in containing her agitation at this whole situation, being in proximity to her would-be murderer. “The North is harsher than any tide and is not the best climate for everyone. I do not think dragons fair well in the North,” she paused to breathe, her pace of speaking beginning to burn her throat. She was fueled by disconcertment and barely contained anger alone. “... that is what I have heard. Vermax loathes the snow.”

“Well,” Baela kept a smile on her face. “Cregan is handsome, don’t you think?”

“I cannot say, my lady. I don’t really see him in such a manner— I am not a Targaryen, after all.” Shera said back, finally regaining some control in her voice.

She heard Daemon laugh behind her. She fought the urge to turn around and sneer, focusing on the melee happening in the pit. It was well on its way and Jacaerys was… faring. She didn’t know how he was faring, but he wasn’t knocked out yet.

Aemond was circling him like a wolf upon prey– a totally different technique than what he had done with Criston. He had let Criston come to him, rather than facing him head on. It was almost sickly how he was playing with him before the slaughter. There was a dangerous glint in Aemond’s eye that only Shera seemed to catch– did he mean to kill Jace? She remembered a similar glint in his eye when he raised the rock to Jacaerys’ head in the tunnels under Driftmark–

Aemond surged forward and steel met steel, their swords clashing together. Jace had chosen a shortsword as well, parrying his opponent’s thrust– barely. He knocked the white-haired prince back slightly, catching his breath.

Once again, that sickly smile spread across Aemond’s face. “Tired already, Jacaerys? We’ve barely begun!” he continued his walk around his nephew, twirling his sword.

“Hardly, uncle. All you’ve done is dance around me. How about an actual fight, ey?” Jace quipped back.

Shera had to give him credit where it was due. Jace was brazen. Taunting an already unhinged Aemond and being mayhaps a bit stupid– but brazen nonetheless.

“A swordsman knows how to pick his fights and when to wait, doesn’t he?” Aemond’s eye flicked to the ramparts where Daemon was still looming. “Has your stepfather not taught you that?”

“You’re both talking a bit too much for my liking,” Cregan grunted, his hand itching on his own sword, which he had already unsheathed. It was the Stark’s ancestral weapon, a huge greatsword aptly called Ice. Cregan handled it with ease– Shera wouldn’t even be able to lift it. “Go on, Jacaerys.”

“Go on, Jacaerys,” Aemond taunted in a similar tone, his hackles raised. He looked slightly manic in the moment. “Let's see what your stepfather has taught you– if anything. I thought you were supposed to be strong.”

Jacaerys raged forward, spurred by his rising anger. Their swords clashed again with such force that sparks flew from the metal. Aemond thwarted him off, pushing him backwards into the dirt, shrugging his shoulders.

Despite being pushed down, Jace still got up, coming at Aemond again and again, each slash more sloppy than the last, but fueled with spite. His uncle continued to parry him, to push him, to sweep him aside with ease– it was a game to him.

“Keep your attacks focused, Jacaerys,” Cregan commanded. “He’s getting tired, I can see it.”

“I can go all day, Stark!” Aemond barked, his violet eye pierced solely on Cregan now as he thwarted Jacaerys’ heavy-handed blows without even looking at him. “Let’s make a wager, shall we? If your… pup here wins, I’ll personally pay for you and your troops to have a trip to the Silk Street– the best brothel. If I win– I get to take your sister for a ride on my dragon.”

Ah, fuck. Cregan’s hackles rose and he shoved off his fur cape. “Don’t talk about my sister, you beast,” the vein in Cregan’s neck throbbed and Shera knew it would come to blows between the Warden of the North and the One-Eyed prince. “You wouldn’t know a real fight if it hit you in the face.”

“Oh, please– now give me a moment so I can pummel your little pup into the ground and show your sister a real dra–” Aemond’s voice was cut off as Cregan punched him squarely in the face, right in his nose. Blood dripped from his nostrils and he then raised his sword to Cregan. “Fine.”

Their bodies tensed and Jacaerys saw the opportunity to walk away, thoroughly exhausted and not wanting to get in between the two of them.

They were about to clash swords once more in a very real manner and Shera stood up from her chair hastily, opening her mouth to say something– but she was cut off.

“Aemond!” an authoritative voice called from the rampart. It was Otto Hightower, hand of the King– and Aemond’s grandsire. “Forgo your petty spar and meet me in the Tower of the Hand. Promptly.”

The mania in Aemond’s eyes and aura faded, snuffing it out once more– just like his rage at the dinner. “Of course. Good fight, Jacaerys,” he nodded his head to his nephew, then looked to Cregan. “Stark.” he uttered before spitting blood onto the dirt, wiping his bleeding nose with the back of his hand. He didn’t even look at Shera as he ascended the steps and followed his grandsire.

“I notice you did not greet me, Lady Stark,” Daemon hummed as he loomed behind her. “Am I not worthy of your respect?”

“... you were quite far away, Prince Daemon. I simply cannot project my voice that far, forgive me.” she droned, blinking profusely at the turn of events.

“My nephew said he would’ve taken you on a ride upon his dragon– care to enlighten me what that might mean?” he continued, tapping ringed fingers on the stone barrier.

“I presume he would take me on a ride on Vhagar,” she muttered, edging away from Daemon. “He would find it hard to get me upon his beast, even if he won the bet.”

“I’m sure he would. Your brother has a temper when it comes to you, it seems?”

“All men have tempers when it comes to women in their lives, do they not?”

“That’s true.”

“I don’t imagine you would wish your daughter,” she cleared her throat, eyes looking to Baela, who was speaking to Jacaerys off to the side. “To be absconded to the North. Nor do I imagine you’re entirely pleased at the prospect of more Andal blood tainting your line.”

“An apt observation, wolf. Though, I am not sure the North is meant for northerners, either. Some people just do not belong anywhere, it seems.”

Fuck off, old man. “I wish you a good day, prince Daemon.” Shera whispered, bowing her head, careful of her veil placement. She could feel his gaze on her, leering at her, trying to figure out what was beneath.

“Cregan– I am going to lunch with Helaena,” Shera tried to call down, but her voice didn’t project. He was caught up talking very animatedly to Jacaerys and Baela– Rhaena was off to the side, not saying much.

Shera let out an errant puff of agitation and left the training yard. She stopped at her chambers before going to Helaena’s– she took off the errant piece of flowing fabric from her outfit and put it on the desk.

–

Aemond returned to his chambers hours later after being thoroughly chewed out by his grandsire for ‘behavior unbecoming of a prince’. Is this how it felt to be Aegon?

His nose ached and he was sure that northern beast had broken it. It mattered not, it will mend. Most things do in time.

He began to unlace his jerkin as he noticed a piece of cerulean fabric on his desk, pinned with a note.

My favor, for you.

There was no signature to whom had written it, only a crude drawing of a wolf. He rolled his eye, picking up the fabric. It was soft between his calloused fingers and smelled heavily of lavender and rosemary. It smelled of her– he could absorb it even with his broken nose.

A tiny smile perked at his lips for a moment. ‘Twas a real one.

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ajvocals43 · 1 year ago

Note

could you write one where dean is just having a rough day and doesn’t want to be alone when he goes to sleep but also doesn’t want to ask the reader to cuddle him because he’s dean💀 like a little fluff and comfort

This is so cute. I'm not used to writing comfort for others but I tried. It kind of took a turn from where I was going originally, but I hope you like it all the same.

What I'm Here For

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Word Count:

Warnings: Mentions of PTSD, slight swearing

A/n: This was shorter than I thought it was going to be and honestly, I got excited about a part of it that I actually ended up using for a different fic so that's another thing.

Ever since Dean’s been back he’s been off. Which is to be expected I guess, I mean… he was in hell. Believe me, Sam and I would never forgive ourselves for not being able to bring him back. I don't know how he survived as long as he did down there. It was to be expected that he’d be pretty traumatized. He tries to play it off but we can see it. The fear behind his eyes, the sadness and the anger. That last one was pretty apparent; specifically when anyone tried to get him to talk about that time. He was always on edge. He closed himself off from us. Until he snapped at Sam which was worrying; because if he wouldn't talk to Sam, he surely wouldn't talk to me.

Dean and I’s bond was strong but not as strong as his bond was with his brother. Anyone with common sense knew that the brothers’ bond was stronger than pretty much anything. Our relationship was…complicated to say the least. We both knew that there was something under the surface, there were looks and kisses and…other things… but with everything our lives entailed, we were both too scared to identify it. But even then, apparently we were not great at hiding those feelings, as we’d been told by others.

Multiple times.

Today had been a great example of that as tension surrounded the house that only the two of us occupied. Sam and Bobby had left earlier on to head to the local library, only to be caught in one of the biggest storms I’d ever seen. They’d called a little earlier to say that they were staying to help with crowd control and they’d head out when the storm passed. Which left me and Dean at Bobby’s house with not much to do. We’d busied ourselves with research on the apocalypse and whatever we could get our hands on about the angels.

Until the power went out.

Now I was sitting in the kitchen in the dark at… 12am waiting for Dean to get back from checking the main breaker panel out back. The only light came from the fire in the study and the few candles across the floor to ensure that we didn't fall on our faces. It was cold and rainy and windy and dark and he’d refused to let me go with him. It wasn’t a big deal but I didn't want to just sit here like some kind of damsel. But that was a fight I wasn't in the mood to pick tonight.

A gust of cold wind and rain blew through the house as the door swung open in front of Dean’s shadowed figure. And straight out of a movie, a bolt of lightning shot across the sky, visible through the open doorway. And Dean was just standing there.

“Is that supposed to be scaring me?” I called from my place in the entryway.

No answer.

“Would you come inside? It's freezing out there!”

Still no answer.

“Dean?” I was getting impatient. And cold.

Another lightning bolt cracked across the sky and it was then that I noticed Dean’s figure shaking. It hit me then. “Oh my g- Dean!” I rushed toward him, pulling him into the house and kicking the door shut behind him. I hadn't thought about the PTSD the storm would’ve caused for Dean. His movements were jerky and stiff as I helped him peel the drenched coat and flannel from his arms. I moved him over to the fireplace and went to the kitchen to find something hot to drink.

Sometime later I was walking back into the study with two steaming mugs. “Thankfully, Bobby has a gas stove.” I announced. Dean turned around in time for me to hand him one of the mugs. “Careful, it's hot.”

“Thanks, mom.” Dean grumbled, blowing steam off the top. I chuckled, relieved that he was getting back to normal. It was quiet for a while…well until Dean took a sip. “Ugh. What is this?”

I laughed, “it’s tea, Dean.”

“It’s gross is what it is.” He said, putting his cup down.

“It’s healthier than alcohol.” I said, taking a sip of my own only to spit it back out. “Nope, that's disgusting.” I put my mug down next to Dean’s, laughing.

I was relieved to see the tension start to ease from his frame as he joined me in my laughter. “I didn't even know Bobby had tea.”

“Yeah…probably not the best choice on my part.” I leaned back next to Dean. Because Bobby’s couch was so damn old, I sunk in further than I thought I would, but neither of us said anything. We both shifted around a little before we got comfortable.

It was quiet for a while after that. I wasn't going to prod at Dean about the elephant in the room. He would talk about it when he was ready. Plus, I was not in the mood to get into another fight with him right now. We were all the other had for the moment since there was no power and nobody nearby. There wasn't any danger nearby and it was getting late. We both should have headed to bed but I didn't say anything for a while.

Until I realized I was starting to fall asleep on the couch. And so was he. We were snuggled pretty close at this point but neither of us mentioned it. I certainly wasn't going to complain about being this close to his warm body.

"You should go to bed." I said quietly.

“What? No. I’m good.” The exhaustion was slurring his words. But no way was I leaving Dean. That storm was still raging outside. If anything, it’d gotten worse. Dean might’ve acted like he was okay but that didn't mean I had to. He was exhausted but I knew that he wouldn't sleep like this. His nightmares were bad enough and that was if he could fall asleep in the first place.

"Dean."

“I’m fine,” he insisted. More lightning lit up the sky, followed by a loud rumbling of thunder and I felt Dean stiffen beside me. I knew by this point that physical contact was the way to get through to him when he was scared. I tried grabbing his hand that rested on his leg but it didn't seem like enough. So I let go and stood up.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

“Lay down,” I said. He wasn't going to go to bed by himself. If I left him alone, he would probably just drink and wait for Bobby and Sam.

"Y/n-"

“Shut up and lay down.” I insisted. “On your side.” I corrected.

The fear was still there but now it was mostly covered with confusion. But he complied, only jumping slightly when more thunder rolled outside. I hesitated for a second but then laid down next to him. I wrapped my arms around him, hoping that he didn't push me away. Well, physically at least.

It took him a second but eventually Dean pulled me into him, tangling our limbs so I couldn't tell where exactly I ended and he began. But I felt him relax again, breathing a sigh into my hair. “Thank you.” he murmured.

“Don't worry about it.” I said back quietly. “It’s what I’m here for.” I nuzzled my face into his neck, bringing us as close as I could. All I could hope for was that this brought Dean as much comfort as it brought me. Not that I’d tell him but I cared for him more than I had for most people in my life. A lot more than I thought I would. I would do anything to help him. Always.

Masterlist

#deanwinchester #dean winchester #dean fluff #dean winchester fluff #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x you #dean x reader #dean x you #dean winchester fic #supernatural #dean winchester supernatural #dean winchester fanfic #spn

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starlight-nerd · 6 months ago

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Hi I saw that you accept prompts and I have one in mind that has been stuck in my mind for days.. Can you write about Bedelia's parents visiting and Hannibal is her fake "husband"? HAHAHAHA I want him all playing the part too well and Bedelia being kind of awkward and grateful about it. Thank you! ❤️❤️❤️

Bedannibal Headcannons prt. 9

I LOVE this prompt, and tried so hard to make this one a drabble, but I couldn't make it flow in a way I felt made sense. So I took the base idea and turned it into this, hope thats okay!

Hannibal was not supposed to be there. Not at all. Bedelia remembers specifically telling him that his appointment was tomorrow, not today.

But here he was, minutes before her parents were set to arrive, letting himself into her home.

"You weren't answering my calls." "Do I have to answer all of your calls?" "Usually you do."

She had left her phone on silent and up in her bedroom so she didn't have to listen to every voice mail her mother would leave on the way over.

Bedelia tries to send him away, but he comments she's too tense, and her perfume is too sweet smelling, meaning she applied to much, and headed to the kitchen, following his nose to find out what in the world she was attempting to cook.

Of course, the harder she pushes for him to leave, the more he insists on fixing the chicken alfredo she was attempting.

When the doorbell inevitably rings, she doesn't go to answer it, at the second ring, Hannibal litterally pushes her towards the door and tells her not to be rude to her guests.

"Could you at least sneak out the back?" "Would you like me too?" "It would be preferable." "No."

After greeting her parents, taking their coats, pouring both a finger of whiskey; Hannibal makes his first apperance, interupting Bedelias mother from whatever comment was sitting on her tounge about her daughters home decor.

He has no hesitation introducing himself as her husband.

"Mr. and Mrs. Du Maurier. I've heard so much about you." "I'm afraid we can't say the same." "Ah, well, lets correct that then. I am Hannibal Lecter, Bedelia's husband."

Bedelias jaw is on the floor. She almost drops her glass from shock, and Hannibal is enjoying every minute of it.

"Husband? This is the first I'm hearing of any of this!" "Bedelia, how could you go and get married without telling your father an I?" "Now, now, It was a courthouse wedding, not all that long ago. The legal paperwork is still processing. I suppose our annoucement got lost in the mail."

Hannibal is masterminding the damage control while Bedelia is trying to understand what the actual hell, he just did.

Bedelia, knowing her mother, is prepared for her to pry and she has no idea what to say. Thankfully, nothing is said right away, both her mother and father were too caught up in getting to know their new 'Son-in-law'.

During dinner is when the questions finally start to come out.

"How did you two meet?" "A psychology confrence in Boston." "How long have you been seeing one another?" "A year and a half." "Is Bedelia as stubborn with you as she is us?" "Very, although I find it rather charming."

Hannibal does most of the brunt work, weaving together a convincing story that almost convinces Bedelia herself.

Once food was served, Bedelias father claims its one of the best dishes shes' ever made. Hannibal lets her take all the credit, and just comments that he's been giving her cooking lessons.

Despite being completely put off, and upset that Hannibal would distrupt her life with such a lie, Bedelia finds herself actually enjoying the night.

Usually, she is stuck listening to her mother going on and on about how she doesn't visit or call enough, how she needs to learn to decorate her home properly, how she should settle down and start a family before its too late.

And then shed listen to her father comment on her food choices, how her lawn care company has butchered her hedges, and once again tell her to call a plumber for the 'leaky' fauset in her first floor bathroom, even though its perfectly fine.

But with Hannibal taking on the conversation, she was able to eat in peace, to talk only when she wished too, despite most of the things coming from her being lies.

Once her parents finally leave, satisfied with their evening, Hannibal sticks around to help her clean up.

"You know, now I'll have to give them your phone number?" "I'm aware." "And that they'll expect us to send them a christmas card with a 'family' photo?" "I suspected such would be the case, as well as you signing 'Bedelia Lecter' instead of 'Bedelia Du Maurier' on anything your parents might see. Unless you plan to keep your maiden name?" "I'm not signing 'Bedelia Lecter' on anything."

"Why would you go through the trouble of doing all this?" "Doing what?" "Creating such a lie and feeding it to my parents as if its the truth?" Hannibal leans in close, his lips pressed to the shell of her ear. "Maybe next time you'll answer your phone."

When he leaves for the night as well, Bedelia cannot bring herself to be truley upset about anything that transpired.

#bedannibal #hannidelia #hannibal x bedelia #starlight writes #fake husband au #meet the parents #the song 'wheres the bathroom' from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend was stuck in my head the entier time i was writing this #the title doesnt make sense #but if you listen to the song I think it fits for how her parents act #come christmas time he'll be wearing a false red nose and antlers for the photo #or something else along those lines #Bedelia will embarrass him in good fun #i got carried away with this

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poop-fartious · 2 years ago

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can i request a wally x reader who ends up in the neighborhood by accident and really doesn't wanna be there, but wally and the others try to turn their frown upside down?

Sure! Hope you don't mind me using this as a more general thing to test the waters out with the other characters (still Wally focused tho). This is also my first time writing Wally as a non-yandere.

WALLY DARLING X GN!READER

cw: none! reader is a human.

REQUESTS ARE OPEN

Knock knock knock

"Y/N!?" Julie cried out, "Are you in there?"

You huffed and covered your face with your pillow, trying to resist the urge to groan.

This happens every morning since you somehow ended up in this strange lost media world. Your neighbors Julie and Barnaby knock on the door to try and get you out of your house. Eventually, they'd give up.

You hated this. You hated how everything here was so cheery. Not that you hated cheeriness but it was all too cheery. This isn't a world for you.

You listened to the knocking, and Barnaby's endless slew of horrible jokes about being a shut-in. You don't care, kinda, you already tuned them out.

A few minutes pass, and they leave. You heave a sigh of relief and collapse on your couch. You're desperate to return home, and you'll find it eventually. But for now, just being like this was fine.

It wasn't long after both Julie and Barnaby leave that another knock on the door came. Two knocks and a message.

"Mail's here,"

It was Eddie, the only one of your neighbors you ever opened the door for. You didn't particularly like Eddie either, he's just the mailman and if he has mail then you have to get it.

Usually you exchange a quiet "thank you" after his deliveries, refuse to engage with his small talk, and then shut the door and leave him. He knows this, and doesn't engage with you for long.

But today is different, as when you opened the door you found that he has no packages to deliver, and was just standing there with a smile.

"Today's package is…" Eddie said, before wrapping your arms around you and lifting you up off the ground, "Spending some time outside,"

Your breath hitched as he spun you around. You regret opening the door.

Eddie has placed you down on your doorstep, quickly shutting your door and blocking your doorway.

"We're having a picnic and we'd like you to come," Eddie said. You huffed, knowing there was no other option.

—//—

You weren't even close to the picnic site when Barnaby ran over and engulfed you in an eager hug, causing you to stiffen like a board.

"Took you long enough to get out of your house, ey?" Barnaby said, "Did you have a bad ten mornings?"

He patted you on the back. You looked down at the ground, embarrassed. You didn't want to be here. Obviously, Eddie and Barnaby picked up on this.

"You getting embarrassed?" Barnaby asked.

"There's nothing embarrassing about being loved by friends!" Eddie said, acting as if you were buddies, pals.

You didn't want to be here, let alone make friends. You wanted to go home, not to your house here, but your actual home. Yet if you voiced that concern you'd know they'd laugh you off.

You aren't gonna be friends with anyone here.

You got to the picnic site, and was greeted by your cheery neighbors. Julie brought you into another hug, thankfully it was a short hug. She began hopping up and down and flapping her hands as she reveled in your appearance.

Howdy and Poppy gave you friendly waves, while Sally twirled happily. Yet their reactions were nothing compared to the stare that Wally Darling himself gave you. You didn't know how to describe it.

Frank split the neighbors up from you.

"Don't you think they're being a bit overwhelmed? This is their first time out of the house since they got here!" he said.

You took the only blanket available, a very splotchy yet colorful blanket, and sat still. You didn't want to interact with anyone else. You wanted your time here to be as short as possible.

Howdy brought out the food, each of them catered to the specific tastes of the neighbors, you assumed, as each neighbor got something different.

You were last, to which Howdy brought out a cake that said "Welcome!"

"I know you've been here for a little while," Howdy said, "but I still wanted to give you something special as a proper welcome gift,"

You gave a silent thank you, as is polite, and started to eat the cake. It was actually very tasty. You're keeping this to yourself.

"How's the food?" asked Eddie, "Howdy makes some good stuff,"

You then spoke your first words to them. "It's alright,"

You continued eating it, trying to tune out the conversations around you. You were focused on finishing the cake and getting out of there, yet Julie broke you out of your focus.

"They really like the cake!" Julie said, "They finished eating before anyone else!"

Your face flushed, "No!" you let out, "I just eat fast!"

The neighbors chuckled at you, clearly making up their mind.

You turned down everything that they offered after that, saying you were full even though you were not full at all, in fact you were starving before Howdy's cake. The food in the fridge that was somehow there ran out yesterday, and you hadn't eaten anything since mid day yesterday.

Yet you wanted out. You wanted to go to your house and somehow survive there. You didn't want to be around these puppets.

Wally seemed to see right through you, as he made his way over to you and spoke in a soothing voice you didn't expect.

"You do look rather hungry," Wally said, "How long has it been since you've last eaten?"

You didn't answer.

"That long, huh?" Wally said. He pulled out an apple, handing it to you, "Here, eat this. You better watch out for yourself,"

You ate the apple, giving a silent thank you to Wally as you scarfed it down. The others all made comments, as they did, but you didn't mind that.

—//—

The day went on, and it was excruciating. Once the picnic was done everyone went over to Sally's house, as she had made a new play that she performed.

Then, Julie and Barnaby set up some games for everyone to play and you wanted to not play, yet Julie forced you to.

More and more things happened, and by the time the sun started to set you were lying catatonic underneath a tree.

You heard footsteps, it was Wally. He was carrying something in his arms and he smiled upon seeing you.

"Y/N," Wally said, sitting down next to you, "Today was exhausting for you, I could tell,"

You nodded.

"Well, I wanted to give you something,"

He handed you the thing in his hands. It was covered but as you uncovered it Wally started explaining it.

"You didn't smile at all when you were around us," Wally said, "I noticed that. I noticed a lot about you,"

He got closer.

"You really did like that cake, and you may have liked Barnaby's jokes more than you let on,"

He touched your face.

"You aren't made of the same materials as the rest of us… and your chest rises and falls,"

Wally stopped, and you realized you had uncovered what he gave you.

It was a framed portrait of you, smiling, looking up at something.

"I also noticed that you only let yourself smile during Sally's play," Wally said, "It was beautiful, I had to capture it,"

You were at a loss for words the entire time, but Wally spoke up first.

"You truly are perfect, from head to toe," Wally said, "You're the absolute most, and I love every single thing about you,"

He got down and sat by your side, resting his head on your shoulder as he looked up at you with a look filled with adoration and love. It was the same look he gave you at the picnic.

Wally was comfortable, and wordlessly you gave into your tiredness, your eyes closed and you fell asleep.

When you awoke, you found yourself unable to move, as every single one of your neighbors joined you in a sleep pile.

You were a stranger, you came here by accident and you were exhausted by every single one of your neighbors, but just once you thought maybe life here wouldn't be as bad as it seems.

#wally darling x reader #welcome home x reader #welcome home #welcome home arg #barnaby beagle #julie joyful #sally starlet #howdy pillar #eddie dear #frank frankly #wally darling #poppy partridge

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jimxnslight · 2 months ago

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Listen here, I need more of that car scene because what do you mean he was staring at her with his hand on her wrist? WHILE SHE’S BASCIALLY ON TOP OF HIM??? WITH HIS DARK STRUCTURED EYEBROWS I LOVE HIS EYEBROWS. That other anon was right because I cannot get that scene out of my head. Jungkook in a suit makes me weak. Jungkook demanding something makes me weaaaak. If oc doesn’t want him I will gladly take him and I won’t poison his expensive whiskey collection. I’ll make sure he sleeps nice and sound without a worry in the world because he deserves all the rest he needs for being such a big alpha male in the mafia industry. Sexy man with a sexy gun.

It’s 2 am and I have a fucking 8 am class. Let me kms cause I dunno why it was such a great idea to sign up for an early class and tell me why it’s almost a full class?? Who is functioning that early and eager to learn about macro economics? Not me I’ll tell you that. It was either 8 am or 5 pm slot and hell no am I staying on campus that late especially once the sun starts setting at 5 pm. I have no clue why I’m blabbing all of this to you but I guess as a fellow uni student you must understand the struggle of trying to pay attention during lectures. Assignments are fine for the most part but when I’m in class I cannot retain any knowledge. I’m too distracted by the guy who sits a row in front of me because he plays Tetris on his laptop and this other girl is always on Amazon adding stuff to her cart but never checking out which I relate cause I’m broke but we can pretend we have money and I’m nosyyyytt I wanna see what she’s pretending to buy. Girlie has a whole shark vacuum, some sort of memory foam couch pillows, and I think these mini cute ghost string lights…oddly specific but her list gets a pass in my book. I wish I could write like you. I would be creating novels during lecture and everybody would think I’m taking the best notes ever. Anywho I’m guessing your bias is jimin, mines is Yoongi and I will defend that man until my last breath. Jungkook is my bias wrecker, that piece of shit is too attractive for no reason. I can’t wait until Hobi comes back and I can’t wait for the next chapter!!! My adhd likes to get a hold of me when it’s deep into the night. So sorry but I’m just tryna tell you I love your writing lol. Hope you got that message

THE ADHD IS SO STRONG IN THIS IM ACTUALLY CRYING 😭😭😭

I mean ur so real for that, like it’s Jeon Jungkook in a suit being commanding and we’re just girls 🎀 But not you trying to steal Jungkook from Y/N, that man is married must I remind you 🤨📸

I actually cannot relate to the lecture thing (sorry lol) bc I’m online and thankfully we don’t have lectures, just modules. But I do remember when I did go on campus for a week I could not for the life of me keep myself awake during lectures (I also decided to be studious and booked the 8AM classes like a fool). But uni is a struggle no matter what, like I JUST did an exam where it just randomly submitted in the middle of me taking it and now I’m waiting for my prof to email me back about the issue while praying that he’s merciful enough not to just fail me immediately 🤠 so yeah, here’s to self-inflicted suffering ✨

Thank you so much! Trust me it’s not as hard as it seems, everything improves with practice. Maybe you can start out with smaller stories and eventually when ur comfortable enough move onto larger ones? Don’t hesitate to ask me if you need any help or tips, I’d be more than happy to help!

#bts #ask: fool’s gold

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wanderingblindly · 3 months ago

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I keep thinking about your portrayal of Lando in Impasse of Biting (and this is going to be very personal and possibly somewhat incorrect so feel free to skip it yk) and I've decided to just write my thesis on it because fuck it why not

the way you describe a scene is always just so. vivid to me. like all the details and the subtleties make it palpable, it all flows so naturally I've never had to think twice about what the scenery is or where/how the characters are physically because it just stays, and this story stuck with me with a level of detail not many have. full disclosure I did not reread the fic before writing this (to preserve sanity) so some details might be off regardless. anyways.

what immediately stands out about Lando is how alone he feels, that he's isolated on a much deeper level than just being introverted would get you. the way I think about this is basically: when you treat/perceive life as if it was happening TO you without having a say in it, in a way you're not living in the same world everyone else is. events in your life, the actions you take, maybe even the things you think or want don't feel like they're in your control, they're not really connected to you. and since you're obviously different than those around you in how you process basically everything you become painfully alone. ("fun" fact I wasn't really able to relate to basically any fictional character for a looooooong time. they had motives and reasons for their actions. I didn't feel I had anything to do with that.) it's like you're an observer of your own life, playing a passive role rather than being alive, you don't feel like a person at all sometimes (which is why I think Charles' proposition has such a grip on him. it's a promise to be seen, wanted, needed. to be a real person with a palpable effect on their surroundings, to fill out a place in the world. to be known)

the way Lando then broke free of that, stood up for himself (because he realised he deserved to and could just do that) meant, like, a lot to me. just seeing my own experience reflected back at me like that, and then seeing Lando overcoming it gave me a lot of,,, not really hope (thankfully I did already battle it out) but more like, reassurance that no matter what I would've gotten away from that mentality (eventually). that I would not have been stuck in my own mind for the rest of my life. we don't really find out in detail why Lando turned out like that, but I know why I did, and for a long time I felt like my life was taken away from me in a sense, I had to mourn that. and it took a lot out of me emotionally, and sometimes I'm still afraid I might slip back or that in some alternate universe I never made it out. seeing someone else go through something very similar and leaving that situation happy meant. more than I can describe tbh

altough Oscar's character had less of an effect on me (tbf there's not really a fair comparison to be made) there is still a lot to be said about his complete refusal to accept himself as he is, that he had to be shown that he CAN and deserves to be loved before he even considered letting himself take what he needs also resonated with me a lot. in my mind they connect through their respective superstitions of being loved (idk if that wording makes sense tbh you might have to read my mind here soz)

it also stood out to me how Lando irl was a very shy (and likely lonely) teenager, who would actually find his confidence and subsequently very lively personality later in life. which I think is less a consciously written parallel and more like a characteristic of him that's naturally adapted into a lot of rpf works (I still find it noteworthy tho). and I don't know how much you, the author, ever experienced that, but admittedly I am curious about it (and completely feel free to not answer that btw) never before in my life have I been able to talk to someone about this very specific type of loneliness and felt like they actually understood. like when I explain it logically everyone can imagine it, but I don't think you can truly get it unless you've been through it yourself, which thankfully not many have.

I'm not usually the type of person to cry reading fics no matter how deeply miserable they make me (ex: Casual by loquarocoeur. that fic ruined my life but I never truly felt like crying about it) EXCEPT for when they resonate with me on a personal level apparently because I quite literally cried myself to sleep after Impasse. like it GOT to me. I needed that I think, so above all thank you (as you can tell I've thought about this a totally normal and healthy amount, I also think it's important to let people know when they've had an impact on you so here we are) (even if I'm too much of a pussy to not do this out of anon lmao)

- anon with the "letting go" answer to the smut poll thing (getting such a positive response to that gave me the motivation to write this so like, keep being lovely c:) (and ps. I'm not gonna say sorry for sending you a literal essay because that would be lying and lying is bad but for the record, I did NOT intend for this to be nearly 1k words long and I completely understand if it was intimidating enough to be skipped or procrastinated)

(impasse of biting)

oh my god,,,, oh my god can I,,,,, can I kiss you on the forehead,,,,,, this is possibly the most beautiful ask I've ever received. And, despite you not having read it a second time, you are SO right on so many fronts. In fact, some of these points are almost word for word lifted from my rambling to the homies on discord during the writing/brainstorming process.

I hope you don't mind a small essay in response, ft. some screenshots (if I can find them).

the way you describe a scene is always just so. vivid to me. like all the details and the subtleties make it palpable

I've said it a million times, but this is always the highest praise imaginable to me. I never believed in settings/scene descriptions as my strongest point, especially considering my aphantasia. I'll go cry now.

when you treat/perceive life as if it was happening TO you without having a say in it, in a way you're not living in the same world everyone else is.

I swear I said nearly this exact thing, word for word, to someone while I was planning this fic. It's the one screenshot I can't find, and I'm pulling my hair out about it, but in short: Y E S. That's exactly the brand of loneliness I wanted to describe. Because Lando's issue isn't introversion, it's not that he can't put himself out there and be loud if he wants to, it's more so that any time he tried to in the past, it didn't... work. It was like everyone was operating on different assumptions than him, or getting different signals. And that repeated experience beat him down to the Lando we see in the fic.

It reminds me of this comment I made:

I wanted to emphasize the loneliness with this overarching sense of... helplessness. And that's the reason it was so painful to Lando at certain points in his life -- the perceived lack of agency.

(which is why I think Charles' proposition has such a grip on him. it's a promise to be seen, wanted, needed. to be a real person with a palpable effect on their surroundings, to fill out a place in the world. to be known)

You get it! You get it!!!!!!!! I was also thinking about why Lando would stay with Charles despite it not really getting better. Like, yes, the urge to be seen and wanted and needed would get him in his grip, but why would Lando stay? And I realized it all came back to the idea of apathy as a misrepresentation for acceptance:

for a long time I felt like my life was taken away from me in a sense, I had to mourn that.

First of all, I'm really really glad that you've gotten yourself to a better place in your life -- and I'm glad that reading this helped you feel seen and understood in your journey. This specific wording really resonated with the way I tried to show Lando's relationship to his lot in life; I wanted him to be angry because I wanted him to be grieving. I wanted him to be mad at himself for letting himself get to this point, and I wanted him to feel that ambiguous, hard-to-pinpoint anger that comes with mourning.

Him being mad at himself felt really key to his character development, because it exemplifies him taking control of his own life. By getting mad, by being ignited from the inside, we see that he realizes it was, to an extent, always in his control -- and he chose to let himself watch life happen. Obviously the reality may not have been that simple, but the mentality switch felt really vital to me.

in my mind they connect through their respective superstitions of being loved

I totally may be misunderstanding you here (sorry!), but I definitely see what you mean here -- and I agree! The fact that they both have equal but opposite... hang ups about love and life is part of what brings them together. Lando believes he's only good for giving and resents that, Oscar believes he's only designed to take, and he would rather die than give in to it. What I really loved about the resolution to this dynamic though, is that they didn't actually change -- Lando still gives, and Oscar still takes. But it's the connotation, the feeling behind the behavior, that shifts. They didn't have to change who they were, intrinsically, to find love that leaves them feeling safe.

I don't know how much you, the author, ever experienced that, but admittedly I am curious about it

Hmmmmm I'm honestly not sure that I've felt this exact brand of loneliness before, but I used to frequently grapple with like... the fear that I was living life correctly, especially when I was younger. I lived a very straight and narrow life in high school, I didn't party in college, I didn't have my first partner until I was 23, etc etc. A lot of the milestones that felt really normal to my peers just... didn't happen to me.

It's all tied pretty intricately to my asexuality, I've realized, but I described my relationship to a lot of the world as feeling like a doll, or maybe a large scale art piece. I was admired a lot, aesthetically, but I didn't really exist in the same way that a lot of "women" (ish) did.

So, no. Probably not what you went through at all, but perhaps a different genre of it :) I just like thinking about emotions hahahaha. Though my DMs are always open if you'd like to talk more about this sort of thing, I contemplate it often <333

I quite literally cried myself to sleep after Impasse. like it GOT to me

This must have been kinda scary to admit, even on anon, but jesus christ THANK YOU. I never imagine any of my works like, resonating with people. Mattering at all, really. I still don't entirely believe that people read the nonsense I put out there. But god, this is like.... it. It's possibly all a casual writer could ever hope to achieve. Thank you again, I don't even have the words <3333333333333333333333

so like, keep being lovely c:

NO U!!!!!!!!!!!! MWUAH!!!!

#me when I'm challenged to a 'shut the fuck up competition' and my opponent is tumblr user wanderingblindly #anyways I've been thinking about this ask for days and I just. Couldn't even find the words to express my appreciation #people are just so fucking lovely #more than I can ever articulate #thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#Impasse of Biting #ask me :)

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nebulacollege · 2 months ago

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Any dark headcanons about each of your characters, I’m terribly invested in them :3

Hi, Ryu here~ I’m usurping this blog’s askbox for this particular ask!

Like Katsu already mentioned, it’s very difficult to write hcs about your own characters, especially if you’re trying to keep everything spoiler-free. Thankfully, I have nothing to do with these boys’ writing and Nebula’s story in general: I’m just a mere artist and designer, so it should be easier for me.

But to be completely honest, it’s kind of tricky for me as well: I can’t write anything that would hint on any specifics of their darker sides in-universe, since the game is already quite dark... but at the same time, I don’t really want to keep it too vague and uninteresting either. 🤔 Quite a conundrum. But too interesting of an ask to ignore it, so I’ll do my best!

Thank you so much for sending asks and being interested in these boys and their story. You being this invested motivates us both <3

My note: I’m going to censor some (actually just one) of the replies either entirely or partially due to things I don’t want to share yet. This makes writing dark headcanons almost impossible lol Because 1. The story is already extremely dark, so these headcanons won’t reach this level of being fucked up. 2. I don’t want them to hint at different things that people might guess are going to happen in the story. If we ever complete the game, feel free to ask this question again!

Once again, nothing of what I’m about to write is canon. Also I’m not sure if you could consider them dark or not. Anyways. Let’s go~

Niall prefers not to use his cunningness in a competition (he is too prideful to win with anything other than his own skill), but he still uses it a lot for petty reasons. For example, if his competitor pissed him off during a game of chess, Niall will focus on winning fair and square, but then orchestrate a situation in which that guy will get hot tea or a bowl of soup spilled all over him. Of course, he’ll do it in a way that there will be no way to blame Niall for that – and he’ll act super concerned too, winning extra social credit.

Niall would never consider himself- nope! An entire headcanon got snatched!

The first time Niall was confessed to (even before Nebula), the person ended up avoiding him for a couple of weeks, looking very depressed and almost always crying. They seemed like the worst thing possible has happened to them, like the response they got from Niall was the something so bad that it’s borderline traumatising. No one really knows what Niall said to them back then… but after that time, somehow they made out and even started kind of sort of dating… for a couple of days, and then amicably parted ways. Ned still remembers being confused by this sudden change of heart by Niall, but Niall said that it was always better to stop things at a better point, right? Like the whole horrible thing never happened.

Ned got aggressively bitten by a huge dog back when he was a kid, and he somehow managed to overpower it, open its jaw and save himself. He had a nasty bite mark on his leg for a while, but somehow doesn’t even have a scar on it anymore, and doesn’t seem to be scared of the dogs at all. He was 7 when it happened.

Another time he accidentally broke his aunt’s gorgeous emerald brooch. He just wanted to look at it closely, and it kind of flew away and hit the wall and broke… He was very upset, but his aunt was kind enough to ensure him that she won’t be mad as long as he finds all the emerald pieces that got scattered around the floor. They found all the pieces but one. Ned’s stomach really hurt that day for some reason.

Ned is kind of bad at controlling his strength, but he used to be even worse at it. He accidentally broke his opponents (in any kind of sport) noses and bones multiple times, he even did it once while he was already in the Nebula College, and a lot of people saw that. There was a guy in his dorm who was genuinely afraid of him to the point of transferring to another school, and it was weird for everyone involved. But it’s not like Ned did anything to that guy, so he couldn’t get punished for scaring him off like that.

Animals really don’t like Liam for some reason. It’s not like they start hissing at him or anything, but they instantly start acting meek and anxious, some almost get paralysed. Liam, however, loves holding animals! He has a lot of cute pictures of himself hugging dogs, holding cats, petting goats and scratching horses’ cheeks.

A lot of people in his dorm don’t really remember Liam’s face. It took some time for them to stop acting surprised whenever they see him, like he isn’t supposed to be there. Liam doesn’t necessarily hold it against them, but he finds it a bit weird and kind of funny.

Liam entered a dessert-making competition once just for funsies, and it ended up being so easy that he got bored by the end of it. He made a super elaborate cake for the final challenge, and then completely ruined it intentionally. He spent 10 minutes just sitting in the ruins of his own cake, looking around at his competitors who got very excited that they finally had a chance to win… and then suddenly felt like he wanted to win again. He made a super easy 5 minute dessert and somehow ended up winning anyway. He remembered his competitors’ crying faces forever.

When Edmund was arriving to the Nebula College, he saw a couple of raven carcasses: one in the forest while they were driving through it, one half-eaten one near the school territory, one right in front of the car as he was getting out of it. He thinks about it every time he sees a raven on his house’s emblem.

Edmund kind of likes it when he’s putting on a sweater with a tight collar and starts feeling like he is suffocating a little bit. He used to be scared of this feeling when he was a kid, but now every time it happens he feels goosebumps (the good kind) and likes that his heart starts beating faster. Maybe it’s just due to the lack of oxygen.

Edmund started wearing his skull ring a long time ago, and he remembers it feeling too big for his fingers. His fingers are still kind of thin, but the ring sits better on it now, so sometimes Edmund grabs the skull part and pulls it very strongly, letting it scratch his skin unpleasantly until it stings. Sometimes he gets carried away doing that, and sometimes he thinks about how it would feel to have someone else who is much stronger than him do it. The poor ring would probably break.

#nc replies #headcanons

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askweisswolf · 8 months ago

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Fanfic Writer Questions

Thank you for the tag @foibles-fables!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

19!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

Currently at 89,257.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Oh man, uh. I think it would be better to say what fandoms I don’t write for at this stage, it’s still crazy to me to think it’ll be twenty years this year that I started writing fanfic. Currently I’d say Baldur’s Gate 3 has me by the throat, with a little bit of the DCAU (specifically, Justice League/Unlimited) and the occasional dash of Fallen Hero and Dragon Age that I post to Discord servers. I’ve also got a few Mass Effect short pieces floating around. I really need to post to my AO3 more.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I’m going to mess with this one a bit and go off of my top five finished fics by fandom and stick to the ones I wrote solo, that way it’s a bit of a mix. I apologize in advance since a lot of these are years old at this point, but it definitely goes back to what I said before about writing in multiple fandoms, ha.

Rest for the Weary (Frozen) Flare (SPOP) The Same Big Sky (Fire Emblem: Three Houses) Skin Deep (Dragon Age: Origins) At The Door (Baldur's Gate 3) 5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to! I’m not always the best at it but I genuinely appreciate everyone who takes the time to comment on one of my fics, it means the world to me and I always love hearing everyone’s feedback and thoughts, it makes me so excited for my own writing.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

If we’re going purely by just what’s on AO3… hm. For stuff that’s a bit older, easily The Silence Is Your Answer (Fire Emblem: Three Houses). For something I wrote more recently, Few Finer Torments (Baldur’s Gate 3) because I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about Shadowheart in Act 2 specifically.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

… Most of them. Oh my God I’m mainly a fluff writer, like I knew this about myself but to actually realize it so starkly is something else. Of my most recent stuff I’d probably say A Little Slice (Justice League Unlimited) has possibly the softest ending I’ve written in awhile.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully not.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Not often but I do sometimes! All of it so far has been for f/f ships, mostly with a lot more focus on like… the thinking and the feeling aspect of it and not so much the physical aspect, if that makes sense? I just like using sex as a way to explore the characters, when I’m in the mood to write it.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Oh, man, okay. I have written a few crossovers over the years, but my favorite is still one I co-wrote with a friend of mine for the Beast’s Lair fan forum back in the day that was just a complete off the walls one-shot crack crossover with Fate/Stay Night, Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha, and I think we had a dash of Highschool of the Dead right at the end. It was insane, we wrote it on a Skype call in a matter of hours.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I know, thankfully.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have not! When I was more active on FIMFiction.net though I did have a few people who did live readings of my fics, those were always neat.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! I’ve co-written with him a lot before, but Pen Pals (Frozen) was co-written with Moczo. Just a heads up that I think he has it set that you can only read it if you’re logged in, if you want to check it out.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

… I don’t think I can only pick one, man. I really don’t. If I have to, my brain always comes back to Shayera/John or Raven/Terra.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I feel like I owe everyone who started reading my The 100 fic or my Black Widow fic an apology at this point.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, emotional payoff, character study (I guess?). I have one friend who told me I write very good Catholic guilt.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Sex and fight scenes are the absolute bane of my existence, for as much as I enjoy the character potential of the former in particular. I’m also slow as hell, I’ve been working on this one Shayera/John fic now for like a year trying to finish it before I post it and ugh.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

If it fit the context of the fic I would, yes! I’d double check it with someone else who knows the language first, though.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Like, ever? Chip and Dale: Rescue Rangers to my old Fanfiction.net account when I was 13. I had a bunch of old stuff saved to floppy discs that I never posted, though.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

This changes on a nigh daily basis, but currently I’m having an absolute blast with my The Beast Whisperer series focusing on my Tav who romances Shadowheart, so I’ll leave the link for it here.

Going to gently tag @optiwashere, @kittlesandbugs, @antigonick, @miabicicletta if you guys want to participate, no pressure! And of course anyone who sees this is free to respond as well.

#my writing #fanfic meme #ask game

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muthaz-rapapa · 10 months ago

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Hirogaru Sky Final Impressions (5/5)

Honestly, what were they going to do with those two weeks after 48 episodes? Have us wait until WonPre's broadcast? Yea right, lol

So the 20th installment of Precure is now officially finished and it feels both great and a little bit sad to say that since the bar has been readjusted quite high, we will probably need the 25th anniversary to get another season as awesome and well-written as HiroPre. [/harsh]

But that will be for something to worry about in the next five years.

So first, that finale!

Pretty much 5(ish) of the 6 last episodes was a whole arc dedicated to the most engaging lore Precure has ever given us to date.

Cure Noble is definitely entering the league of legacy Cures and perhaps as the one with the best story as well. How she went from princess-sovereign to becoming the very first Precure (in this universe, anyways) to helping pave a way for peace with her nemesis to laying out the foundation for the Cures who will succeed her in the future.

Yeap, Ellee-chan may have gotten a nice age-up bonus so that we can see her embrace her destiny and actually converse in something other than baby talk.

But it's more accurate to say that Ellee-chan/Cure Majesty's character arc is really Princess Elleelain/Cure Noble's instead.

Which is totally fine with me. Not only was Elleelain super interesting as a hero/protagonist in her own era but Kaiserin was...dear god.

Dear god, when have we gotten a twist that was this good and this dark by the series' standards? I felt we haven't touched this level of grim writing since Heartcatch and that was my first Precure season ever.

But seriously, it's impossible not to sympathize with Kaiserin and appreciate how much she contributed to the plot as well as this season's message that power is not what makes a hero, but the strength of one's heart that does.

Even her traitorous tutor, Skearhead, said she had what it took to become a hero (and maybe even Precure? oooh~), which just makes her fall into darkness more tragic.

But thankfully, she never lost her kindness and compassion, which was what ultimately allowed her to not only be saved but her wounds to finally heal after hundreds of years of suffering from the pain of betrayal Skearhead had inflicted on her.

And that her generals, who all turned over a new leaf, came back to the Undergu Empire to loyally serve her and make sure she isn't alone...

Good! This is so satisfying, I couldn't have asked for anything better! Kaiserin deserves her happiness after all she's been through!

But of course, that's not all because no Precure finale is complete without the last episodes dishing out the best combat scenes of the entire season and did it deliver, alright.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-HUH!

The animation was absolutely stellar and not so overdone that it'd look more gaudy than cool. coughDeliPaPrecough

Moreover, the teamwork is what really sold the animation. As it should because Precure is all about that team effort brought on by personal growth, not a one-man show.

I loved how Wing, representing wisdom, was the one everyone trusted to get that barrier back up because it is a mechanism that he researched and developed to help everyone. It proves that boys don't need to fit into a specific mold of masculinity or genius to be a hero because in the end, those things don't matter. It's being true to yourself, your beliefs and your dreams and what you choose to do with those abilities that counts.

I loved how Butterfly, who is physically the strongest in the group, always takes on the tougher tasks such as facing the army of tedious mooks to let those younger than her forge a path ahead. She never forgets her responsibility as an adult to protect the kids but she also encourages them to move forward because she fully believes in them like a good adult would.

I loved how Majesty comes to understand that though she's meant to inherit Cure Noble's will and power and position as Skyland's princess, it's not her destiny to inherit Elleelain's loneliness. And the whole reason that she started out as a baby but was able to grow and become Precure was because she was surrounded by the right people who brought out that potential in her. For Ellee-chan, being with her friends and fighting alongside them was the bigger, more important destiny than her duty was.

Finally, the star duo of the show.

Sky was given stronger MC vibes than the other cast members but you can't deny that she wouldn't have gotten this far without Prism by her side.

Sora's idea of what it means to be hero expanded a lot because she became friends with Mashiro.

She has come to treasure Mashiro so much that when she was on the brink of losing her best friend, she let Skearhead corrupt her in order to have enough power to save that best friend. She was willing to sacrifice herself for someone important to her, which in a way, can be seen as an act of heroism (but only as a last resort, plz do not attempt).

And even then, Sky kept resisting from being taken over. Prism didn't even flinch when Sky aimed a punch at her. That's how much Mashiro believes in Sora, in the hero that Sora is. That even if Sora accepted darkness into herself to do the right thing, she won't ever let that darkness consume her into doing the wrong thing.

And the fact that it was Prism who had the ability to not only purify Sky but also heal Kaiserin's centuries-old wound. She's come a long way herself from the girl who used to think she was talentless, who didn't believe she had anything special going for her.

"You are good as you are now, Mashiro-san."

What Sora said was true until the very end. Mashiro didn't ever need to change. She was already good enough and she was always going to become even better than how she started out because she was always being inspired and supported by those around her and challenging herself to do things she initially hesitated on doing.

Now she's continually drawing new stories, even winning an award for one. Even her Prism Shot evolved and multiplied as an attack and it's all because she learned to believe in herself because all her friends believed in her.

This is essentially what sets Precure apart from the others, what makes it the major name it is in modern day mahou shoujo.

I cannot begin to describe how glad I am that the staff at Toei reinforced those aspects of friendship as well as the celebration of individualism in a milestone year. But I can definitely say with confidence that we can expect to see more well into the franchise's 30th anniversary as long they don't forget these two very crucial things.

As for me, I think this will be the last time I blog Precure on a "regular" basis.

I'll still continue to watch cuz hey, there's no reason for me to stop yet.

(and all the more reason to not stop if Satoru and Daifuku become the next two male Cures in WonPre OMGI'MSOGONNAJINXTHISAREN'TIBWUAHAHAHAHA!!!)

But my priorities have shifted so I gotta tend to those foremost. And as much as I enjoy the show, I feel like I'm always saying the same stuff over and over again anyway, just in different variations of it.

(also, something about WonPre tells me the next four years will be filled with hit-or-miss seasons so meh, I'd rather just follow it leisurely than get too invested and then disappointed)

On another note, I do have some personal rankings that I'd like to post some day. I was going to do it for the 20th anniversary but didn't have time to cuz life got way too hectic and busy but yea, eventually I'll have them up.

Just for fun, y'know.

Ok, that is all.

Thank you, my hero girls and boy! You made this season so wonderful hahahaha, good luck, WonPre for me and I can't be grateful enough for it.

Thank you for a beautiful anniversary! Let's aim for the next!

25th year with 100+ Precure!

Let's gooooooooooooo!!!

#hirogaru sky precure #cure sky #cure prism #cure wing #cure butterfly #cure majesty

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zhouxiangs · 10 months ago

Note

You asked for insane meta about Way so brace yourself! This thesis is going to be a full-throated defence of the world’s most problematic loser (defence of his character, not his actions mind you). TBH I can’t believe I’m going to write an essay about a show which is at best nonsensical and at worst built around a premise I find both cringeworthy and inherently offensive, but what can I say – I’m a sucker for well-acted foils with sad eyes and complex characterisation!

In the aftermath of ep 9, I’ve become increasingly frustrated at the number of takes which firmly centre the assault (and the mind-influencing) in terms of Way’s supposed feelings of possession/jealously/entitlement towards Babe, without taking into consideration his identity as a victim of lifelong grooming and abuse, as well as the particulars of their specific situation. Before I go any further, I just want to issue a disclaimer (cos I know ppl will come for me) that a) I’ve not read the book and quite frankly would not go near it with a ten foot pole, so everything that follows is based on show canon alone (and anything in the book which might contradict me is therefore irrelevant!), and b) trying to contextualise someone’s behaviour is in no way the same thing as trying to apologise for or justify it – it’s about attempting to understand why someone felt compelled to act the way they did, which yes in real life is virtually always because of toxic masculinity/misogyny/male entitlement, but we all know this show is (thankfully) not based in the real world!

Unlike with other characters, we haven’t seen flashbacks of Way’s time at Tony’s so we don’t know as much about his experience. But there are some observations which seem fairly obvious and others which are reasonable inferences: we know he lived on the streets (so in all likelihood didn’t come from a loving, stable family environment), we know he takes anti-anxiety medication, we know he’s terrified of Tony, who has emotionally and physically abused him (just look at his entire demeanour in that one scene – no way that’s the first time Tony’s laid hands on him), and that everything he has (including the clothes on his back) actually belongs to Tony, who wouldn’t hesitate to take it all away in the blink of an eye. We know he was groomed to (ugh) impregnate Babe, and we know his power is very strong (and yet he’s presumably never used it to escape Tony which is further evidence of the effect of the grooming/abuse). It’s also likely that, until he met Babe, he hadn’t known much in the way of physical affection, not just because of the horrible environment he grew up in, but because it seems likely that anyone aware of his powers would be wary about getting too close (literally).

So bearing all that in mind, we have this messed up, emotionally stunted, not quite an adult who is sent out into the world with one purpose: to knock up Babe. And then he meets this person, who looks like Pavel, and whose ignorance means he thinks nothing of slinging an arm around Way’s shoulder, of hugging him, touching him – of course he falls in love! But he’s on a mission, remember. And if he fails, he can expect more denigration, more violence. So he thinks to himself, it’s fine – maybe he’ll fall for me too and then we can have beautiful little babies and Tony will be satisfied and leave us alone and everyone will live happily ever after (apart from the aforementioned beautiful little babies who will be trafficked but hey, you can’t have everything!). So time passes, and Babe is flirty but nothing more, and all the while Tony is there in the background, threatening, manipulating. And as the years go by, Way becomes more and more anxious, more and more desperate (ten years! Ten years he's been living this terrible double life!), because he knows that if he fails it will mean nothing but pain, not just for him but for Babe as well – better he gets Babe to love him back than having to let Tony do it his way.

And so let’s put the mind-screwing of Babe into that context: as I said, Way’s power is supposedly very strong, and yet (up until the last ep) when we’ve seen him use it on Babe it’s usually been more of a subtle influencing than an outright compulsion, and even then it’s one that apparently wears off almost the second Babe leaves his side! Way: ‘Oh Babe, you should totally dump Charlie, no good will come of it.’ Babe: ‘Totally, yes, you’re absolutely spot-on – I’ll get right on it!’ [Five minutes later, after Charlie has googly-eyed his way back into Babe’s orbit] ‘Eh, all is forgotten – let’s fuck!’ So forgive me for finding it hard to believe that Babe’s commitment issues have all these years been single-handedly engineered by Way. Do we really think Babe escaped Tony without any baggage, any trust issues of his own?? That he was totally open to and ready for unconditional love and a healthy relationship if only evil Way hadn’t interfered?? And have we forgotten the part where Way said ‘haven’t YOU always told ME not to tie my life to anyone else?’ (emphasis mine)? When Way says there’s no-one else who’s truly loved them, do we honestly think that’s manipulation and not just something he genuinely believes himself?? This is not a well-adjusted man, people!

But even if we disregard all that, remember the context! If Babe finds love elsewhere, what do you (or more importantly, what does Way) think Tony will do? Shrug and let Babe skip off into the sunset hand in hand with his new beau? If you put his isolating of Babe into that context then imo it looks very different – it’s not a jealous creep ensuring his target stays by his side, but a scared, conflicted pawn trying to buy them more time, stave off the awful inevitable. I might not agree with him, but I do think in Way’s eyes he’s PROTECTING Babe. Like I said earlier, Tony is still controlling everything; he’s ALLOWING Way this semblance of freedom, of doing it on his own terms, but only on the condition that Way fulfils his end of the bargain, and if he can’t, well Tony will just get it done himself, and you can guarantee it won’t be pretty. (Now I’m not saying Way’s feelings for Babe don’t also play a part, but hey guess what, humans are complex, multi-faceted beings who sometimes are not even aware themselves of their own motivations!)

Nowhere is that more obvious than in the assault scene itself. This isn’t a guy just trying to get laid, get what’s ‘rightfully his’ - this is someone falling apart, someone driven by desperation, who sincerely believes this abhorrent act is the best – the only – way forward (again, before the pitchforks appear: not saying that excuses/justifies his action – nothing does). Notice that after Babe revives, Way doesn’t try and compel him again, even though there’s ample physical contact tween them – he’s only interested in trying to make Babe understand. And notice he hasn’t tried to compel Babe in this way before – it’s only after his true identity has been revealed and he knows there’s no going back that he falls back on this despairing, horrific last resort. (And there's one thing I’m really curious about - Way’s just found out that Tony lied about him being the only enigma left, that Pete’s one too, and that Pete (who is evidently powerful himself) wants to take Tony down. So consider this: had Way’s secret not been revealed, do we think this revelation would have been the tipping point that let him envision another way out? One in which he doesn’t have to (further) betray Babe, but instead helps him defeat Tony and opens up the possibility of a future where they’re all truly free to choose their own destiny? Regardless of his feelings for Babe, you can’t tell me he seriously wanted things to go down the way they did.)

Okay, the end is now in sight, but just in case I haven’t pissed people off enough, here’s the part where I lay into Babe! Not about the assault, obviously. Would hope it doesn’t need to be said that he is in no way whatsoever responsible for that. No, my issue with Babe is the glaring discrepancy tween his words and actions when it comes to his friendship with Way. Time and time again he says that Way’s his closest, bestest friend, the only one he trusts, yada yada. And yet his actions never back that up. From what we see of their relationship, this unwavering loyalty and intimacy only seems goes one way – Way worships Babe, knows everything about him, and Babe is content to sit back and soak up all that adulation. It’s why he never addresses Way’s feelings for him - he doesn’t want to jeopardise their set-up. Yes, obviously it’s in Way’s own interest not to share with/confide in Babe because of what he’s hiding, but at no point do we see Babe actually express any real interest in Way as an individual, in his (lack of) ambition, his (lack of) relationships. E.g. in the conversation where Babe makes a comment about Way’s boy getting jealous and Way laughs it off saying he doesn’t have anyone and Babe knows that – Babe’s not actually concerned, he’s not actually interested, he’s not really even thinking about Way as he says it - he probably doesn’t even hear Way’s response! He’s preoccupied by his own relationship woes. Think about it, Way is only really able to maintain his secret identity because Babe is, to be blunt, not at all interested in his life! Let’s face it, nobody on this show is exactly great at stealth so there's no way Way (hah) would've been able to keep it up for ten years if Babe had ever actually tried to learn more about him. He doesn’t know Way takes anti-anxiety meds, he doesn’t wonder about Way’s lack of friends or lovers or family, he asks once about Way being content losing to him then accepts his answer and never thinks about it again. I genuinely think Way more or less stops existing to Babe the second he leaves his sight (unless they’re fighting but that’s only because it’s an inconvenience!). Sorry to say it, but Babe is just self-centred! I mean, look at the way his professionalism took a flying jump when Charlie entered the picture - he didn’t think about Dean, he didn’t think about how his blatant favouritism would affect the team dynamic or performance (yeah Way was totally right about that!) – he just thought about himself. He drops Way, his supposed closest, bestest friend, like a hot potato the second Charlie shows up, he cries on his shoulder when they break-up and then stands him up the second a reconciliation is in sight. And he never really apologises for anything – he just bats his eyelashes, gets a bit handsy, and wheedles his way back into Way’s good books because he knows he can. Because he knows Way can’t say no to him, can’t stay mad at him. Ignoring the unrequited love, the mind wipes, and the general batshit insanity of the plot for a second: Babe is just a shitty friend, there's no two ways about it!

TBC... (1/2)

LISTEN there's no real way to measure how good/bad something is, the only thing that actually matters is if you enjoy the thing or not; i've watched and am watching objectively better shows that don't mean a tenth of what this one means to me, so listen to your heart, anon. also here, take this. you deserve it:

that being said! thank you so much for putting this so eloquently because honestly pretty much SAME, and i could never lmao but i'm going to try to reply to this slowly so i can hopefully make sense of my thoughts/put them in order a bit. apologies in advance bc this will take me A While. (i really mean it when i say thank you so so much for this, i gasped when i saw the beginning of the ask and then the (1/2) at the bottom???? ANYWAY PEOPLE IF YOU'RE READING THIS 👆 which you totally should, because it's wonderful, enjoy! it will be very worth your time.)

psa: just like anon i am basing all my readings and theories solely on my observations of the show, since i haven't read the novel and i am considering it its own story separate from this anyway. please do not take this as any kind of invitation for novel spoilers. thank you. i will read it eventually. unless i lose interest before that happens, in which case i won't.

another psa i guess re: contextualisation of a character's behaviour and actions =/= justifying or excusing them. absolutely! i do not defend way's actions although i do defend way as a character; i would love to pry him open like an old clock and learn how those pretty gears of his make him work, for what is worth. but also we're talking about a fictional character and his fictional actions, please don't forget that. (not directed specifically at anon) (yeah fiction does have an impact in the real world but we should be engaging with it as discerning adults, so. yk.)

also one last thing (truly) before i get to the actual reply, because this will be relevant later so i'd rather make a blanket statement now: as the audience we're drawing our interpretations on things that may very well be a product of different acting abilities, storytelling, a weird script, etc. more than deliberate narrative or interpretative choices. sometimes roses don't mean a thing! such is life, but whatever the reason all this is still in the final piece, so we're pretending they do.

ok, let's go.

yeahh you can really tell how different people's readings of characters/situations are just from this, i've been reading some truly (to me) wild things especially since last ep aired. by which i mean that i simply don’t see how anyone gets to that reading. and of course that's normal, ymmv, and none of us might be correct at all; tbf we could even argue that there isn’t a correct way to interpret anything. after all everyone perceives life through the lens of their lived experiences etc. so let’s have fun with the meta. but back to way: even ignoring the fact that my understanding of his character and motivations seems to be completely different to some people's, i'd say generally i'm just more interested in understanding the why and the how more than caring about any kind of morals. this doesn't mean i don't dislike characters, only that it’s mostly just because (as an example: i don't like top from dff not because of what we saw in the last ep, but because he annoys me so much. on the other hand i like fluke, because he is. certainly something. still want him to die though.) it doesn't have to be related to how i’d see them as a person, if that explains it better; i’m not saying they’re fictional and therefore we shouldn’t care that much either or i wouldn’t be on tumblr in the first place. also i am currently writing about my blorbo so that would make me a liar lol i guess what i wanted to say with all this is that even if i agreed with those interpretations, that wouldn't necessarily make me not like way because this just doesn’t factor into me liking or disliking a character. also i don’t judge people and characters them the same way, and i don’t choose to like or dislike a character/piece of media independently of how objectively or morally good or not it is. i enjoy seeing how characters work and what they do, i just don’t assign any moral value to what they do idk. also it’s the blorbo that chooses the tumblr user, not the other way around. tangent over, hopefully lol

that’s something i absolutely need: way backstory. please. tbh i’m not sure how literally we should take the thing about being homeless (did he literally live in the streets or did tony mean that he didn’t have anything/a family and he would be completely alone without him?) but for the sake of drama i’m rolling with it. there’s a more obvious reason tony takes them in as kids other than they’re more easily manipulable, which is their malleability. if there’s something everyone knows about abusers is how much easier it is for them to control their victim(s) by isolating them from their families and loved ones, and the kids mostly arrived to tony already like that. they are completely at his mercy, and either through (the illusion of) love or fear, it is so easy for tony to control the children even into adulthood. also we’ve seen how he treats each one differently and i assume way is so love starved because of how he’s been treated his whole life, and while on some level i get keeping a tighter leash on him because he’s so special/necessary, specially being the only one left, and he may have turned out a completely different person/been less afraid and dependant if he wasn’t abused… holy shit. even when tony cups way’s face in his hand in jeff’s flashback as a sign of affection and encouragement, way doesn’t look anything other than terrified. so yeah, personally i have no doubt that tony’s been ruthless with him. as i said in a different post i think way is completely hopeless; to me he sees tony as someone all powerful, which adds to why he is still under his control even if way is, that we know as of now, more powerful than him and could technically use his powers to escape. also i think his powers work more as a strong suggestion, but i’ll circle back to this later when it’s relevant again, sorry lol

kinda tangentially: i would love to know if any of tony’s grown kids that he didn’t sell (yet?) love him in some way? either the ones we know or some others we don’t, because loving your abuser is not something you can control, and the father/child dynamic makes it extra complicated imo. i don’t believe tony capable of consistently treating anyone well for a second, but i do wonder if some of them were… luckier.

OOOH THE PHYSICAL AFFECTION. can you believe me, certified way expert (self-diagnosed), hadn't even thought about that? i’m not naturally a touchy person except with animals for some reason, think… pretty much way with everyone else that isn’t babe lol, and maybe because of that i tend to notice touches a lot (bet no one could have guessed that from my gifs) so i noticed how stiff way is sometimes around everyone else, even with alan which seems to be the one he’s closest to after babe, when he’s so touchy with babe. and yet it didn’t occur to me even though jeff has explained before having to go through something similar because of his powers smh but yes that makes total sense! their physicality is one thing i love about their friendship, just because i love seeing people being like that, i think it’s sweet.

see this is something i find interesting regarding people’s reactions to both charlie and way, because charlie also approached babe under false pretenses while still under tony’s thumb. he lied to babe, and yes he may have had a completely different agenda to begin with, but ultimately both charlie and way approached babe with a goal, fell in love, and are trying to protect him each in their own way. only charlie is hopeful and less broken, and at the core of way there’s mostly despair, but both of them are doing what they think is their best to protect babe: charlie thinks they can escape tony so he tries to do that, and way believes none of them can so he thinks at least being together will make things more bearable. (i don’t think he’s thought a lot about the babies for some reason, maybe because i imagine myself in his position and think about how horrifying it would be to even ponder about.) i’m not saying we should condemn charlie, but i don’t understand the double standard. and not to turn this into the omegaverse oppression olympics, but it’s pretty clear already for the very little we’ve seen of way with tony that charlie has a way less brutal past with him than way does, so it’s no wonder to me that he’s still optimistic. not to mention that judging by age alone charlie has been in the family for a lot less time. AND not to mention comparing him to babe. worlds apart.

see?

literally!!! honestly i think way’s powers work more as a strong suggestion than anything else, which still doesn’t make them useless by any means but it’s not the same influencing someone than changing his mind, which is why he kept mind-controlling babe as his relationship with charlie progressed and he grew more desperate, because he had to kept going back every time babe thought through what he was feeling. imo he’s just putting an idea in the person’s mind not changing their whole psyche, so unless they accept it (babe believing his words because he’s someone he trusts) they can fight it off (both babe and charlie right after the SA attempt scene).

ALSO YES ABSOLUTELY this is what i think about the most. everyone in that family is emotionally stunted and understandably so, but with this we get to the crux of way and babe’s relationship imo. (and again this is my interpretation according to what we’ve been told/shown so far, if it turns out to be something different nevermind, etc.) they met each other 10 years ago when both of them were alone and hurt (babe because he’d found out the truth, way because *waves around at everything*), they became friends, they became each other’s support, they became best friends!! and yes they had a father uncle figure of sorts they could rely on in alan and they had the rest of the team, but they became completely dependent on each other. their whole relationship seems to have been based around the ethos that no one else understands them like each other (which is funny considering how true that was for way even if babe had no idea, and in a way is no wonder he fell in love when babe didn’t) which kinda trapped them in a feedback loop. of course babe thought exactly like that 10 years ago are you kidding me? the commitment issues were the least of his concerns. they kept telling both themselves and each other that as long as babe had way and way had babe they didn’t need anyone else, but while way was waiting for babe to look at him and notice that they could be together romantically babe was slowly but surely healing and moving on from under the shadow of the chen family. something that way can’t do. and then charlie came along, and he didn’t have the pheromone which meant babe could enjoy their time together, and babe was finally ready to trust someone enough to fall in love, only that someone wasn’t way.

most importantly, it’s not only that things will go badly for both of them (which. is already enough lol) after this, but that way wants for things to stay the same. up until charlie showed up babe legitimately only cared about racing, the team, and way. even if way hadn’t been in love with babe, i think it’s perfectly understandable that he would have felt left behind, even with babe still spending many hours with him, just because they used to be together all the time. even alan said so.

and of course to make matters worse there’s the whole thing of the inescapable horrors of tony’s plan and all that, so really, no wonder way has been getting so desperate. also (and i can’t believe i’m using exactly the same defense i was using for CHARLIE at the beginning of the series) i do believe way has been sincere in that he believes what he says and he believes he is doing the best he can for babe. does not mean it actually is the best or good at all but it’s what he truly believes, and that’s what’s important.

the assault scene was so hard to watch, and not to diminish babe’s pain in the least but you could really tell what way was going through and how much it hurt him to do what he was doing, because indeed, way hasn’t done anything like this before. if he was that bad he could have done it 10 years ago and be done with it, but he didn’t. (again i’ll get back to this later because i have more to say about the type of mind-control.) it’s only when he’s been found out and he sees no way forward when he does what surely tony would want him and probably has told him to do. and still he’s so devastated over it, you can see his desperation the whole time and like you said, he has more than ample opportunity to get babe back under his control but as soon as charlie stops him he doesn’t continue. it still doesn’t excuse that he made even the attempt, but i firmly believe that he was as glad as i was when charlie showed up.

about pete, even if it’s just because it’s what makes sense to me narratively with the whole enigma parallel, i think this knowledge has to change something in way. at some point he has to realise that he's just trying to delude himself by believing tony's lies, and i think having pete near has to be the catalyst for that, because he is also the living proof of there being a way out. he’s an enigma, he was one of tony’s children, and now he’s free and he’s not connected to tony anymore. so yeah, i am waiting for that way redemption arc, and it better come fast.

and this is the part where i have to defend babe lmao i don’t think you’re wrong with it maybe being a case of telling and not showing which isn’t great, but it could also be about babe being so enamoured with charlie that he’s neglecting way… momentarily. we still see them alone together, but way is more tense and stressed than ever and babe has constant relationship drama with charlie, so i think it’s understandable there’s more attention to that. also this may be just me projecting but i do think babe is dumb af irt way’s feelings towards him, either in really not seeing them or gaslighting himself (as he tries to do everyone else) in there not being anything to see in the first place; it’s clear he doesn’t feel the same way and he doesn’t want to loose his best friend, so he takes the easy way out by pretending there’s nothing there. i do think he’s putting his foot down with everyone else if not way himself by repeatedly defining their relationship to them and saying in no unclear terms that they are friends and they couldn’t be anything else, same as when he said the thing about way’s boy

i think it was a not-so-subtle way to tell him to look elsewhere. but then we get things like the joke in that flashback at the aunt’s restaurant (which tbf was from many years ago) which felt like a punch in the gut to me lol there are a couple more moments when babe jokes about way being his boyfriend/makes a comment about him acting like his boyfriend which is what makes me think he’s just dumb and not cruel.

about the racing i honestly. don’t know what to say because why would the hours spent training be more important than the actual performance? i still do think dean should have been the one to race, don’t get me wrong, but the logic isn’t really logicking for me there. i don’t think the narrative supports my belief that he’s better than charlie at all but still charlie is using babe’s senses to race and not winning, so. why would you (babe) do that to my child, specifically when we’re told that he would have been fair/respected all the work dean has been putting into training if not for charlie?

#pit babe #pit babe the series #help idk how to tag this #asks #anon #way anon #long post #like seriously #extremely long post

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user-needs-new-hyperfixation · 1 year ago

Note

Now that you've finished both, what do you think are the difference between WangXian or HuaLian? Which mc and ml do you love more between both series? Which couple do you love more?

P.s Do you plan to read SVSSS? I think the best for fanfics inspiration from 3 MXTX works are SVSSS.....

This answer got way longer than I meant for it to 😅

I am all about Hualian 10000%. It's just a matter of preference, and I'll explain why I like one better than the other, but I'm not crapping on Wangxian shippers at all. Something for everyone haha!

Here's the thing. I like a lot about Wangxian. They've got a very Kirk/Spock thing a lot of the time that is eternally entertaining. But I just don't like the way they have sex. I dislike the way they have sex so much that it kind of retroactively made me less interested in the pairing as a whole. More specifically, I don't like how Lan Wangji does sex. People had warned me about it and I was like, "Eh, but I'm fine with CNC, all I need is that first C, so it's fiiiine." But. Nope. Thankfully this isn't a personal trigger for me, just a very firm preference, but I just...to quote myself in a previous post, "while the book did a good job convincing me that Wei Wuxian is into everything Lan Wangji does to him, it didn't do a good job convincing me that Lan Wangji knows that for sure, or is in control of himself, or would stop if Wei Wuxian didn't like something." That just isn't to my taste.

On the other hand, Hualian are also implied to be having rough and kinky sex, but there's much more of a feeling that they're communicating about it. I'm not expecting them to like, have a formal safeword or anything, but even just:

"Sorry, I went overboard last night," Hua Cheng apologized. It took a moment for Xie Lian to realize what he meant, and he quickly waved his hands. "Wh-what are you saying? That's not it at all--everything's fine!" Hua Cheng arched an eyebrow. "Is that so? If everything is fine even after that, does that mean I didn't go overboard last night? Does that mean I can...?"

"Is gege not coming up to join me?" But if he went up there, when would Xie Lian have a a chance to come back down? At that point, they could forget about doing anything else for a while. "Nah." Xie Lian declined politely. "My San Lang has overworked himself." "Nah," Hua Cheng laughed. "How could San Lang ever be afraid of hard work when it comes to working gege hard?"

Like. They're goofy about it and Hua Cheng loves to tease Xie Lian but they are actually talking about sex when they're not having sex. There's a degree to which they're communicating outside of the heat of the moment. And even in the amnesia extra (which makes me feel so bad for Hua Cheng omg he's being surprisingly chill but I need to write some meta about how miserable he must be during that) Xie Lian's fuzzy memories of what he at first assumes was a rape are full of the sense of being gentled and cherished and of their fingers and red strings tangling even as he's held down and roughed up.

Also the chapter opening with,

Laughing, Xie Lian pushed Hua Cheng off him -- his crushing weight was making it hard to breathe. The heat and passion had yet to subside when something suddenly occurred to him. "Oh yeah, San Lang," he began offhandedly.

That's so stinking cute I can't. They are so comfortable. Nothing in their relationship overall or in the hints of their sex life we see implies in the slightest that Hua Cheng isn't in control of himself in the most important ways (I do tend to think of him being a shaking crying coming-too-soon mess the first few times, but that's a very different kind of out of control lol). He worships Xie Lian, literally. Lan Wangji has this underlying layer of horny anger born in a repressed childhood; Hua Cheng's horny is all built on reverence. THAT IS MY JAM.

As for SVSSS, I think I will probably read it if only to try to figure out what on earth its fandom is talking about. It's...like an isekai I think? Which is not usually my thing, but at this point I feel like I gotta round out the trio haha!

#tgcf #heaven official's blessing #hualian #heaven official's blessing spoilers #tgcf spoilers #tw rape mention #asks #heaven official's blessing novel spoilers #not tagging wangxian directly because i don't want to be attacked with torches and pitchforks lmao

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yunoteru4ever · 9 months ago

Text

A big review of Sakae Esuno's 'Big Order,' Part 1: The Actual "Review" Part

It begins.

This all began with a simple ask from @bluescxrs, but I've definitely made it grow in my mind since I received that request. What began as "Can you outline the story differences, particularly in relation to Eiji/Rin" became me thinking "I should make that just one part of a much larger, thorough review."

So for a while now, I've been sporadically writing parts of this post while simultaneously asking myself "How do I even do this?" More specifically: How do I review a manga AND an anime that are so different from one another? How do I explain the differences between the mediums without proliferating tons of spoilers? And is that even really part of a standard "review," or does this need to be multiple posts?

My ultimate conclusions are that I need to treat this like any other anime review I've put together on my main Tumblr. I think going deeper on what separates the two versions of "Big Order" is going to require its own post with more spoilers, though.

I'll just be upfront about this,, and state what any regular readers of this Tumblr probably already know: I've come here to praise "Big Order" as a manga, and to be less kind to its anime incarnation.

Background/Behind-the-Scenes

In case you didn't know, Big Order was Sakae Esuno's follow-up manga after he struck gold with Mirai Nikki/Future Diary. I'm sure he was feeling the pressure to produce a worthwhile follow-up after he hit it big with that one. But thankfully, Big Order was a successful series for Monthly Shōnen Ace. At least it was successful enough to run for almost as long as Future Diary did and get collected into 10 volumes. Kadokawa has never shied away from ending a series early if it fails to catch on, so that speaks well to Big Order's reception. Admittedly, it never generated the same numbers or level of passion among its readership. But as Esuno himself has said, a mangaka is lucky to create even one series as beloved as Mirai Nikki. And it's not like Big Order didn't have devoted readers of its own — especially in Japan, but to some degree also in China and parts of Europe.

It never made much of an impact on the Western hemisphere, though. Mirai Nikki's success in America and much of the Western hemisphere came largely in the wake of its popular anime adaption. I can't speak to how well Big Order did as a scanlation. But unfortunately, the manga wasn't officially published in North America until AFTER its anime adaption had finished airing... to pretty much the opposite of acclaim.

The anime was produced by the same studio that adapted Future Diary a few years earlier: Asread. Although Esuno has stated his overall satisfaction with the anime adaption of Future Diary and said that he sat in on some story meetings to see how they were adapting the manga and provide some feedback, I've never seen him comment whatsoever on the anime adaption of Big Order. In fact, I don't think I've ever read or seen any interviews that were conducted with him since post-2015! The closest I've ever seen him come is confirming that they were developing an OVA prior to its eventual release in late 2015. That's it. As such, we have no idea how involved he was or wasn't with the development of Big Order's anime, nor do we know what he thinks about the end result. I don't want to assume his feelings... but I have to imagine that they're less positive than his opinion of Future Diary's anime.

We'll circle back to why I think that at the end of this post, though. For now, let's dig into what this series is actually about.

The First Chapter/Episode's Plot Setup

Ten years prior to this story, everything changed. A massive cataclysm struck the globe that killed approximately 3.5 billion people... about half of the world's population. At the same time, the world saw the appearance of the first "Orders" — people with supernatural abilities that can be activated verbally, or sometimes just mentally. People become Orders when when a floating, intangible fairy-like girl named "Daisy" appears to them and grants them a single wish. The Order's ability is based upon how Daisy interprets their wish... but no one who isn't an Order or potential Order can even see Daisy, so how or why these superpowered individuals come into exist remains unknown to the general public.

Daisy's first appearance before Eiji.

In the aftermath of that disaster now known as "the Great Destruction," the majority of the world's governments collapsed. It fell to the United Nations to create and establish interim governments and oversight councils as a way to maintain a semblance of order. Most of these governments are led by Orders who are put under the U.N.'s well-paid employ, with their supernatural abilities serving as a means to both maintain local control and enforce the law among normal civilians.

Eiji Hoshimiya is our focal protagonist. He's an 18-year-old high school student who lost his parents in the cataclysm 10 years ago. To make matters worse, he's the very person who accidentally caused the Great Destruction — an unintended side effect of his wish to "dominate the world" running amuck. Yup, Eiji is an Order, although he's sworn off ever powers after what happened back then and kept the secret of his guilt to himself. After both his parents died in the Great Destruction, Eiji's main focus has been to simply give his terminally ill stepsister, Sena, whatever joy and attention he can manage to provide during the limited time she has left. When our story starts, she supposedly has just six months left before a rare form of leukemia takes her life. And once Sena passes away, Eiji's fine with accepting whatever punishment come his way for his actions 10 years ago. He only wishes to hide his guilt for as long as it takes to keep Sena smiling.

A symbol appears on the user's palm whenever they invoke their Order ability, which also calls forth a "stand" or "avatar" figure that embodies and ultimately enacts the user's Orders. Just like Daisy, these avatars are only visible to other Orders.

(This is a VERY LONG post, so I'll put the rest under a cut for everyone's benefit.)

Rin Kurenai is our secondary protagonist despite the fact that she's also something of an antagonist — a dichotomy that's certainly famillar to anyone who's experienced Future Diary. When Rin shows up at Eiji's school one day, Eiji immediately crushes on her. Unfortunately for Eiji, Rin isn't the sweet new transfer student she initially appears to be. In reality, she's an Order that's come to this school to fulfill a personal vendetta. After spending 10 years working training herself up while trying to locate and identify the person who caused her parents to die in the Great Destruction, she's finally arrived at her chance for vengeance. Her sole dream stands before her: A chance to kill Eiji Hoshimiya.

Some facts to consider about how Eiji and Rin's Order powers work:

Eiji's power of "domination" lets him control absolutely anything within his "domain," which is defined as anywhere he's been + a surrounding radius of roughly 2 meters. This domain ALSO includes anything vertically aligned with that same space/radius. (In other words, if he walks the entireity the first floor of a three-story building, he now can control anything that happens on not only the first floor, but ALSO all the same spaces above him on the other two floors. Or if he flies above the ground, he can now control the ground directly below that airspace. Get it?) Oh, and his control/domination isn't limited to just giving orders to people and/or creatures within that space — he can literally control the laws of physics if he so wishes. He basically controls reality itself within his domain. But importantly, the moment that something he's controlling leaves his domain? He loses all power over it. And he can do nothing to anyone or anything that never enters his domain.

Rin's also an Order, and her power is regeneration. Whenever she so wishes, she can heal herself as well as anyone and anything within arm's reach. This allows her to repair broken weapons or heal wounded allies, of course, but it also auto-triggers any time she dies, reviving her in seconds. This renders her effectively immortal.

Given the above facts, when Eiji is faced with a relentless immortal assassin whose only wish is to kill him by any possible means, he makes the decision to use his powers on Rin by giving her two consecutive orders:

Order #1: Rin can never harm him or his sister.

Order #2: Rin can never leave his domain. (Because if she did, she'd break free of Order #1.)

Just like that, our lead characters are thrust into an unlikely, antagonistic "partnership."

But wait; there's more!

If you're wondering how Rin knew that Eiji caused the cataclysm? That's because she's an agent of the Ten Hands — a group of ten powerful Orders who made up the interim U.N. government of Kyushu... until now. Because when Eiji and Rin wind up at their headquarters in Dazaifu, it turns out that the Ten Hands have just declared they are the next evolution of humanity and intend to rule the world. (If you're familiar with the X-Men? Just picture Magneto's Brotherhood of Mutants :P). Rin's went rogue even from THAT rogue organization, though, because Ten Hands wanted her to capture Eiji alive! They're after Eiji because his powers are useful to them AND he makes the ideal figurehead/decoy to front their organization. Once they declare war on the United Nations in Eiji's name (going so far as to include the public announcement that Eiji is the one to blame for the disaster of 10 years prior), Eiji find himself forced to cooperate and act as the figurehead/puppet ruler of the Ten Hands. Where else can he go when he's now the most wanted and hated person on the planet?

A spread giving an overview of the Ten Hands, aka "the Group of Ten."

But as an extra carrot-on-a-stick, the leader of the Ten Hands — Colonel Hiiragi — reveals to Eiji that they've kidnapped Sena. And he then suggests that if Eiji expands his influence over the world, he should logically eventually locate an Order that could cure Sena of her terminal illness.

So wait, what kind of story is this?

For me, the primary joy of Big Order's main plot comes from the characters constantly working to out-manuever and out-manipulate one another. This is often done in the form of Order "battles," sure — but rather than being about who can hit one another hardest with a superpower, those battles are still fundamentally about pulling tricks, feints, and ultimately out-manuevering someone.

Eiji thinking what EVERYBODY in this story is thinking, essentially.

You can see it built into where the setup I described above leaves off. See, it's like this:

Because the Ten Hands has already announced Eiji as their leader and the cause of the great destruction PLUS they've got his sister, he is blackmailed into becoming their figurehead leader.

To try and counter this, Eiji swiftly places his domination order on every member of the Ten Hands, giving him the ability to control them individually while they're inside the base — providing him with leverage. IN THEORY.

But what he (and we) don't initially know is that Colonel Hiiragi had already put his own unique Order in place that covers the same base, and Hiiragi's power completely counteracts Eiji's control of the Ten Hands' people. (Hiiragi's power does NOT, however, counteract Eiji's control of the objects, air, physics, etc. within the base's property.)

But there's another complication to consider: One of the members of the Ten Hands is using his ability to stop time to freeze Sena, preventing her disease from progressing. As such, anything Eiji does to attack within the base or undermine the Ten Hands' plans will obviously cause that person to unfreeze Sena, returning her lifespan to a ticking clock.

With all that going on, Can Eiji really do anything to push his own agenda and exercise his free will? That's just ONE example of the complicated tit-for-tat thinking that makes up so many of Big Order's character interactions and confrontations.

Eiji and Rin's relationship is a microcosm of this stuff. Eiji knows Rin can't kill him thanks to his Order ability, but he also knows that she's foolishly obsessed with killing him personally to the point that she refuses to let anyone else have that pleasure. As a result, the person who hates him the most also becomes the person he's most able to trust. But that doesn't mean Rin's ready to give up on trying to trick him into a not-quite-accidental death, either. There's a push and pull to their mutual trust-laced-with-distrust.

Even within the Ten Hands themselves, there are a couple members who turn out to have more faith/trust in Eiji than they do in Colonel Hiiragi. Hiiragi's mission is ultimately somewhat compromised by his need for personal vengeance, whereas Eiji manages to gain faith and trust from some of the members based on how he indepently handles some things. All these personal motivations, unique powers, and relative/comparative intelligence mix to make a stew of actions and counteractions that I greatly enjoy reading. And by the time the story starts to move away from focusing on these complicated showdowns, you're far enough in that you should (hopefully) be attached to some of its characters already.

The Narrative and its Characters

From a writing POV, it's worth noting that Sakae Esuno took a different approach to writing Big Order as compared to how he wrote Mirai Nikki/Future Diary. See, Esuno had a pretty strong outline for the story when he started making Mirai Nikki. (Actually, he says he created two outlines for Mirai Nikki: One for "I get to write the full-length story" and one for "I have to wrap things up quickly because the series gets cancelled early.") However, on Big Order, Esuno opted to only plan where the story would go in a much looser, vaguer way. He said he wanted to leave himself more leeway to explore whatever new ideas he thought of as the story developed, not constrain himself so much to a tightly pre-planned narrative. I'm not telling you this as a form of judging his choice negatively, though; I can see the appeal to both approaches. I'm just telling y'all this because I think those differences in approach are sometimes noticeable.

There are occasionally pieces of info or hints within the manga that don't seem to go anywhere, and you might even notice some of these are dropped entirely in the anime. A prime example: The early chapters of the manga have Sena referencing that the doctor working caring for her at the hospital is her and Eiji's uncle. Whether she's speaking literally or somehow metaphorically, this never goes anywhere. Heck, we never even see or meet that character! So it's understandable that those references are left out of the anime. It doesn't feel like it's some lost subplot that was left hanging, but it's just the kind of detail that feels like it might hold meaning down the line... yet never does. Those sorts of "dead-end details" get increasingly rare the longer the manga goes on, however. The story grows leaner and tighter as it nears its end.

Beyond that, this story has all the hallmarks I've come to love about Sakae Esuno's works: Tons of plot twists (much more in the manga), the ability to vascillate wildly between darkness and comedy, engaging psychological underpinnings to the characters (mostly in the manga), a twisted focal relationship... it's all here. What's not to love? Well, I suppose Big Order and Future Diary share one weakness: Despite both stories supposedly having a global impact, the entire story stays isolated to Japan. Future Diary justified this with some passing text explaining that Deus has intentionally developed or lured his future god prospects into one area. Big Order's justification is that the entire "Great Destruction" was caused within Japan due to research taking place in Japan. Perhaps not as strong of an overall driver for the localized focus, but it works decently enough.

So let's dig a little into that "twisted focal relationship." Despite what I said previously about Rin and Eiji's "dual protagonists where one is also kind of an antagonist" dynamic being similar to Future Diary's Yuki and Yuno, these characters almost feel like counterpoints to the leads of Mirai Nikki. Although Eiji visually looks a lot like Yuki and Rin might initially give off Yuno vibes thanks to her aggressive nature and twin hanging hair-tails, they're each more unlike their Esuno-created predecessors than they are similar to them. And so — as I said in that old post I just linked to — Eiji and Rin almost feel like a reaction/response to Yuki and Yuno, intentionally designed to flip or trade off a lot of their individual traits while still maintaining a select few similarities.

Rin's blind rage at Eiji can make her kind of a moron at times. Delightfully so.

Both of them get to grow and change a lot over the course of the manga's story, though they don't get anywhere NEAR as much growth in the anime. The ten or so manga chapters following the end of the anime are particularly good for Eiji, who goes through a period of trauma-response depression that's very well-portrayed IMO. I think him already being in his mindset helps him cope with the wild perception-warping crap he sees and experiences shortly before the final stretch of the story kicks in. Rin's growth is more gradual; at first, she's just forced to gain some empathy for the person she's spent a decade hating. That helps her to eventually shift her desire for revenge onto other parties. But in the end, she gets smarter AND kinder, learning to let go of her desire for revenge and legitimately finding a way to forgive something that once seemed unforgivable. It's actually touching, IMO.

But you know, Yuki/Yuno's relationship never got a strong outside competitor. Let's face it: Yuki never showed any interest in or attraction towards Akise, regardless of Akise's own feelings. On the flip side, the Eiji/Rin relationship actually gets a pretty strong third party thrown into the mix: Iyo.

Iyo! No surname needed, evidently?

If there's a tritagonist in Big Order, it's Iyo — a member of the Ten Hands' leadership who demonstrates fr more compassion thant he rest. Iyo's a shrine maiden/miko whose Order granted her the power to predict the future with 99% accuracy by asking any question to the heavens, summoning a slip of paper that provides the answer. The downside to this is that whenever someone acts upon her predictions they are inherently changing the course of fate, so their actions will affect whether the prediction remains true. And for Iyo, that's a personal matter: Her very first question to the heavens (and thus the first prediction handed down to her) was to find out who her future husband would be... which is when she learned that she was destined to marry Eiji Hoshimiya and bear his child. This prediction + Eiji's natural kindness towards her are two reasons why she finds herself swiftly infatuated with Eiji as soon as he aligns himself with the Ten Hands. And thus, Iyo winds up being the third spoke in a love triangle that also includes Eiji and Rin. But she's not hanging around just to undermine or irritate Rin, because she proves to be an invaluable partner to Eiji's goals in her own right.

I adore both Iyo AND her twitchy bunny-ear head-ribbon. Part of me can't help but want her to win Eiji's heart, because she deserves the world. However, because her infatuation with Eiji is driven by her prediction, her attraction to him is kind of questionable IMO; does she only fall for Eiji because she was told that she would by her powers? Regardless of the reason, her feelings drive her to try and spend more time with him/get closer to him. The knock-on effect, however, is that because she's acting upon her own prediction, that means her actions have every possbility of destroying/altering the very future she's pining for.

The writing here definitely favors Eiji and Rin as the core couple, but unlike Future Diary, Big Order isn't going to give you a clear-cut answer as to who the characters wind up with. Future Diary wound up cementing Yuno and Yuki's relationship canonically because, well, that was the whole point of the thing. The central Yuki/Yuno relationship was the absolute core of Future Diary's narrative, but conversely, the Eiji/Rin relationship isn't the most important relationship in Big Order. It's a major focus, sure, but it's not propping up the entire narrative — which I think is why Esuno feels no need to canonize it. Although the story definitely seems to favor Eiji/Rin, neither the manga nor the anime explicitly state who Eiji winds up with (if anyone).

Instead, the core relationship that's propping up Big Order's story is a familial one: The one between Eiji and Sena. Sena is the stepsister he didn't think he wanted and who he was initially hesitant to get to know. Ultimately, however, she won him over with her warmth and sweetness. When their parents were killed in the Great Destruction, Eiji wound up isolating himself from everyone BUT Sena. Which is a big reason why Eiji's ultimate goal is merely to protect her and give her happiness for as long as she lives (which, as previously stated, is currently expected to be only six more months). It definitely calls to mind Yuno's own simplistic goal of "one day of perfect happiness," etc. But while Yuno's goal is inherently flawed, Eiji's is theoretically possible... right up until the Ten Hands ruin it. Because just a few chapters into the story, they start telling her all kinds of shit that Eiji had been trying to hide from her.

Sena starts out as little more than a background MacGuffin, but she isn't content to stay on those sidelines. Once she has agency to do so, she starts participating in her brother's struggle despite this being against pretty much everybody else's wishes. Her unwanted intervention makes for a pretty fun spanner in the works of the story... but I'm not going to get too specific about it. I think it's really fun to watch her fight back against her own "MacGuffin" status — too much fun for me to spoil how it all happens.

Anime vs. Manga: The Short Version

The anime adapts the first 32 chapters of the manga over the course of its ten episodes. MOST of the major plot beats are the same, at least. But along the way, there are LOADS of scenes altered in small ways, as well as some added and some entirely deleted. And of course, once it reaches the final episode? There's a new ending and denouement so that everything stops there. They do not leave anything open for a possible future season that would adapt the remaining 22 chapters of the story — those are simply ignored.

Now yes, the anime aired while the manga was still ongoing. But... the manga was also MUCH farther along than the anime would lead you to believe — 50 chapters had already been published when the very first episode aired! So the decision to cut the manga's story off at Chapter 32 is definitely a weird one.

To briefly summarize the most common changes made to the first 32 chapters in the process of turning them into 10 anime episodes, it's like this:

The anime turns the nudity / sexual content / fanservice WAAAAAY the fuck up. Like, a simple hug in the manga becomes grinding/dry-humping in the anime. A girl in full clothing in the manga will become a girl in a very loose-hanging dress with most of her body exposed in the anime. And, look — for better or worse, Esuno is no stranger to tossing female nudity into his manga, either for some pointless fanservice or sometimes to further accentuate the horror on display. But even the most fanservice-y manga scenes are extended and expanded upon a lot in the anime.

Ton of background information that provides foundations for how things work in this world is removed. The manga often ends a chapter with an info page providing details on a supporting character's backstory or how one specific powerset works. These are the kinds of lore-dumps that are often used as screens that frame commercial breaks in a lot of major anime (Attack on Titan and My Hero Academia both have done this). In Big Order, however, the framing cards for ad breaks are just pieces of art, and no attempt is made at providing any of these additional details in any format. They're just left on the cutting-room floor, which I think definitely makes a lot of things both more shallow AND more confusing.

An example of one of these "data pages" within the manga.

THE MOST IMPORTANT CHANGE OF ALL: This one bullet could be an entire essay of me complaining ALL BY ITSELF, but I'll try to keep this brief: In the manga, a number of characters point out that Eiji and Sena aren't actually related by blood, so they theorize that maybe their relationship is somehow romantic/sexual etc.? This suggestion is always shot down by a disgusted Eiji, who will usually insult the theory/theorizer while explaining that being "family" isn't just about your blood ties — but regardless, Sena is absolutely his family, and so on, because she's always had his back. And it's sweet. They are willing to do anything to support one another, even when they see the other one headed in the wrong direction, but it's always very pure and warm-hearted and UMMMMMMMMM, the anime goes in the exact opposite fucking direction. These stepsiblings are absolutely fucking one another in the anime. I cannot and will not ever understand what drove them to do this. Whatever the reason, this is SO antithetical to the manga's point and the central relationship of the story that it does a good job ruining the anime all on its own, even without the other changes... and that's without me touching upon the ethical question of 18-year-old Eiji fucking the 13-year-old Sena. One of the weirder aspects of this ill-advised change is how this whole new subplot has NO impact on the rest of the story! The scenes of them being sexually/romantically involved contain no voice work, for one thing. But also, some of the scenes from the manga where he angrily denies his relationship with Sena being like that are still present in the anime. But I guess now they're just really aggressive lies? He literally beats up one character for suggesting he might be attracted to Sena. Which works great in the manga, but now it's like.... wtf? Also, Eiji having feelings for/involvement with Sena *never* comes up when he's dealing with his relationship with Rin or Iyo — he's still flustered by the idea of sex with anyone or being close to a cute girl, etc. It really comes across as though Asread just kinda inserted this gross shit without telling anyone outside of the animation team directly involved with the new scenes.

WHY, FUCKING WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS

Suffice it to say that for as much as I love the suspense and twists of the manga, I can't recommend its anime incarnation unless you just want to see the characters (1) in full color and (2) in motion. It makes a somewhat amusing side dish to the manga, but it's a very poor substitute.

But I'm going to get somewhat more in-depth about all the differences between the two in my next post on the subject, which will include sharing some spoilers about what happens AFTER Chapter 32 in the manga. It's a big enough task that I think it deserves its own separate writeup. And lord knows that this one is already long enough. :P

#big order #sakae esuno #manga #review #rin kurenai #eiji hoshimiya #sena hoshimiya #mirai nikki #future diary

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