#thank youuuuu 💕

[catboyloghain]

14 and 41 for wrapped! 💕

14. Cry by Carly Rae Jepsen

41. Kick Me by Sleeping With Sirens

[sigelfire]

Silvi! You have excellent taste - likely in many areas other than pretty posts :>)

Thank you, Susy!!!! I also enjoy your posts and taste very much ^^

[outerspacedunce]

The Ineffable Husbands and Regan for that ship meme you reblogged earlier, if you wanna c:

Regan (Rick/Negan)

Ineffable Husbands (Aziraphale/Crowley)

[cerulean-bee]

[desuidesu]

YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!! Fucking give Stechner the fucking shit he deserves!!! Fucking ASHHOLE!

Love the love and undying devotion these two have for one another 💕😊 best birthday wish everrrrr

Learning to Live Part 24

summary: It’s just a regular Friday, until someone from Javier’s past comes to your work to reveal secrets he’s kept from you—it’s a lot to hear about the terrible things your boyfriend allegedly did in Colombia. 

rating: E (18+! Age gap (about ten years), Soft Javier Peña, Switch Javier Peña (He goes from very subby to very dommy), explicit smut, unprotected p in v (wrap it up!), creampie, oral sex (f and m receiving), deepthroating, a dash of mutual masturbation, light bondage (the tie is used again but on Javier), vaginal fingering, teasing, safe word usage, body worship (f and m receiving), dirty talk, praise kink (there’s a good boy), spit mention, begging, (1) spank, anal mention, angst with a happy ending, arguing, miscommunication, confessions, PTSD, nightmare (nothing graphic), emotional hurt/comfort, unhealthy coping mechanisms, Javier breaking down, some medical talk (nothing graphic), talks of the future, Javier quoting Gomez Addams)  

pairing: Javier Peña/f!reader (reader is a nurse with no physical descriptions)

word count: 19.1k (Buckle up, everyone)

a/n: Thank you so much for all of the love and support for this story, it means the world to me! I am very proud of myself for getting this done in less than two weeks. I might take a tiny break before the next chapter just so I don’t burn myself out. Big thanks to @juletheghoul for betaing!

Thank you for reading! Comments and reblogs feed me. I’d love to know what you thought!

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Friday, November 6th, 11:23 AM

Laredo’s hospital wasn’t even half the size of the one you worked at as a nurse in Dallas, which meant not all of the specialties they had doctors for had separate wings. This translated to your post-operation department getting the majority of the patients from the various surgeries done. Someone had a double-bypass performed on their heart? You were the one taking care of them. Hip replacement? They’d be under your supervision. An appendectomy? Another of yours. Basically, as long as they weren’t a child or having a child, they were coming to your unit to recuperate. 

Compared to your last job as an emergency room nurse, this one was a breeze. The people you cared for were usually so hopped up on pain medication they either slept, watched television, or zoned out. The hospital wasn’t too busy, so you got to work regular hours with weekends off, compared to the multiple twelve-hour shifts you worked before, plus overtime. As an added bonus, the nurse who shared the shift with you had become your best friend. 

Honestly, you were thrilled you moved to this small border town. 

Well, except for all of the gossip. 

After the first time Javier had shown up at your work to take you to lunch, you’d been the talk of the hospital as the woman he was dating, and you didn’t care. Still, it gave you unwanted flashbacks to the messy end of your last relationship years ago when you caught your ex, a cardiothoracic surgeon, banging another nurse in his office and having to deal with everyone whispering about it, learning they all knew it’d been going on for months—you’d sworn off dating anyone in your workplace after that, much to your parents chagrin. 

At least here, it was people mostly shocked that your future husband was actually dating someone, making them curious about why you were so special. 

It’d been months now since your relationship began, and the fascination had dulled down a little. Unfortunately, though, Javier would always be a hot topic of discussion amongst the townspeople, whether it be about him leaving Lorraine at the altar, helping take down Pablo Escobar, eliminating the Cali Cartel, dating you, or his work with the Sheriff’s office—he was basically a local celebrity, and he hated it, which was completely understandable.

It was almost lunchtime, and a new patient had been brought to your wing as he recovered from a minor heart surgery. Reading his chart, he was seventy-two and had a history of cardiovascular issues, seeing one other major surgery had been performed a couple years prior. He was still sleeping while you set him up in his room, his wife having gone to the cafeteria for food. 

The sound of footsteps alerted you someone had entered the open door. 

“Knock, knock,” Robyn, your co-worker and best friend, greeted in her Texan accent. You’d already gotten your patient connected to his IV that was currently pumping saline through the line and were now clipping the heart monitor onto his finger, the steady beeping of his heartbeat suddenly filling the air. 

“What’s up?” you asked, glancing over your shoulder at her.

The other woman’s long, chestnut brown hair was up in a high ponytail, her lips painted in wine-red lipstick, and she looked nervous, which was odd.

“Are you almost done in here? You’ve got a visitor…” 

That had your eyebrows furrowing; not expecting to see anyone today. 

“That isn’t Javi…?” you clarified. 

He was the only one who came to see you at lunch. 

“No...” She shook her head. “This man ain’t from around here… He said his name was Bill?” 

That confused you even more; no one was coming to mind by that name. 

“Did he give you a last name?”

“I didn’t ask.” She winced. 

You snorted, shaking your head while turning your attention back to your patient as you double-checked your work to ensure everything was set up correctly. “I thought you learned your lesson about not asking men for their last names.” 

The busty brunette walked closer to stand at your side as she whispered, “First of all, Seb is hotter than hell, and I only cared about knowin’ the name he wanted me screamin’.” Sebastián was Javi’s cousin whom Robyn took home the previous Friday from the bar, having no idea he was a Peña until he’d come by your work Tuesday to take her to lunch, and you had way too much fun revealing his identity. “Second,” she continued, “I usually don’t bother gettin’ last names ‘cause they’re just one-night stands.” She shrugged. 

“He was at your place for literal days before you found out, which is crazy.” 

“With the things he was doin’ to me, it really wasn’t important,” she replied with a smirk.

“Mhmm, it didn’t matter, but now that you know, it fills you with insane amounts of joy that you found yourself a Peña.” 

She playfully slapped your arm. “Shut up. He is pretty great and stayin’ at mine for the weekend.” Her eyebrows wagged. 

“He’s been staying at yours for the last week…” 

“And how long has Javi been stayin’ at yours? That man came over on your third date and never left.” 

“Touché. Aren’t Peña boys the best?” 

“They really are.” Her voice went quiet, “Anyways, there’s somethin’ off about the man out there. He was askin’ if I knew where you were from and stuff about your family. Just odd things to ask a stranger, you know? So, I want you to talk to him in the hallway in case I need to call security and Javi, okay?” 

Her concern had your hackles rising, wondering who this person could be. 

“Yeah, of course.” 

After finishing what you were doing, the patient settled in and was being monitored, Robyn told you she would do her rounds to check up on her own patients and listen for any signs of trouble from you. 

Taking a deep breath, you readied yourself for whatever was about to happen, walking out of the room toward the end of the hall where the nurse’s station was. You noticed the man you’d never seen before leaning against the tall counter, looking your way with a smile. 

The top of his head was bald, his face featuring a long, raggedy salt and pepper beard, dressed in dark jeans and a charcoal grey button-up under a dark green denim jacket. 

“Hi,” you said as you approached, offering him your name, “—I heard you wanted to see me. How can I help you?”

He straightened, standing to his full height. “It’s more of how I can help you,” he replied, holding out his hand for you to shake. “I’m Bill Stechner, an old friend of Javier Peña’s.” 

“Okay…?” This guy was too old to have gone to college with him, and it was weird he used Javi’s full name if he was supposedly a ‘friend.’ Robyn was right. There was definitely something off about him, and add in you’ve never heard of him before; this all seemed a bit fishy. Quickly, you shook his hand. “What exactly are you helping me with…?” you asked. 

The smile on his face was almost predatory, and you didn’t like it one bit, unconsciously wiping your hand on your blue scrub pants. 

“We’ll get to that in a minute.” He waved away your question. “Javier and I used to work together, and since I’m in town on business, I was dying to meet the woman who managed to tie him down.”

So, he tracked you down? Found out where you worked and came here? That was a little much to go through in order to meet a former co-worker’s new significant other… This guy had warning bells going off in your head because something wasn’t right. 

“Okay…?” you replied, crossing your arms over your chest. “You met me.” 

“That I have, and I’m a little surprised.” 

“Why’s that?” Your eyebrow rose. 

“Well, based on the many, many women he had relations with in South America, I just wouldn’t expect you to be his type...” 

Your eyes narrowed. Who the fuck was this guy? He really hunted you down to imply you weren’t as pretty as the other women Javi’s been with—what an asshole. 

“Did you come here just to insult me? Because if that’s the case, you can fuck right off.” 

“No, it’s great he ‘fell,’” he said the word sarcastically, making your jaw clench, “for you, and it’s wonderful you’re looking past all of the prostitutes he used for sex and information.” 

It was weird this man felt the need to mention that, knowing a lot of your boyfriend’s informants had been sex workers he fucked, and it didn’t bother you—it had been a coping mechanism for the shit he was dealing with while down there, and he treated them well.

“Why are you bringing that up? Why are you even talking to me alone? You’re really not giving me a great first impression here, pal.”

He pressed a hand over his heart in faux concern. “I’m just looking out for your best interests and want to make sure you actually know the man you’re living with.” 

“Right, my best interests…” you replied, sounding doubtful and doing your best not to roll your eyes. “So, what is my boyfriend apparently hiding from me that you felt it necessary to bother me at work?” 

There was a tiny nervous fluttering in your belly over what this could be about, hoping it wasn’t anything serious, but having a feeling it was going to be about the one topic Javi avoided talking about: 

Colombia. 

“Javier and I go way back—I’ve known him for years, and we worked kind of closely while he was down in South America.” Your suspicion was correct, and you wouldn’t lie, you were curious about what he had to say. “I was wondering, did he tell you why he wasn’t there to catch Pablo Escobar?” 

All you knew was Javi fucked up badly and got sent home before they got the drug lord.

“Please, enlighten me.” 

“I get why he’d hide it from you in shame. I think if he ‘loved’ you, he would’ve told you all about what he’d done in Colombia and the crimes he committed working with Los Pepes.” 

That was a low blow, and what crimes?

“Los Pepes?” 

“Los Perseguidos por Pablo Escobar—The Persecuted by Pablo Escobar or Los Pepes were a paramilitary vigilante group created by opposing cartel members trying to kill Escobar, oh, five or six years ago. That boyfriend you share a bed with fed them classified information like locations of Escobar’s men and their family members, and boy, were they notorious for killing innocent civilians indiscriminately. They’d go after Pablo’s sicarios and kill anyone who had a connection to him or just happened to be there—wrong place, wrong time.” He shrugged the fucker. “Javier’s intel ended up starting a war between the Medellín cartel and Los Pepes, both sides murdering many innocent men, women, and children, and that’s why he was sent home before they caught Escobar. Did you ever hear about the bombing down there at a shopping center the week before school was about to start?” 

It took you a second to answer as you processed what he told you. “Vaguely,” you answered. 

“Killed a bunch of kids and their families while they were getting school supplies and clothes—we know it was Escobar who planted it, and it wouldn’t have happened if things hadn’t gotten so out of hand with the leaked information. If you don’t believe me,” he continued, “I brought this interview by one of the leaders of Los Pepes so you can read about it yourself.” That’s when you saw him holding a rolled-up newspaper in one of his hands, the header reading The Miami Herald. “It talks about Javier’s role in it all and how big it was—if he hadn’t given the intel, a lot of lives would’ve been saved.”

It was a lot to take in, hearing about what Javi had supposedly done, and it was harder to imagine him doing such things because he was a caring, kind, honorable, and good man—there was no way in your mind he would’ve condoned so many innocents dying, and with how odd this whole visit was, you were taking what Bill was saying with a grain of salt. There were probably some truths in there, but definitely not all because it made zero sense with the fact your boyfriend was twenty minutes away at his office, and not locked up in a prison cell. 

Fuck ‘looking out for your best interest,’ this man was trying to turn you against Javi by telling you these terrible things, making it clear he absolutely was not a friend of his—he did not come here with good intentions; it was crazy he even came here at all. What you were assuming with all of the effort he put into this was there was bad blood between the two men, and this was Bill’s way of getting back at him—what pissed him off so much he was keeping tabs on your boyfriend? If he found you and your place of employment, it looked like he was keeping tabs on you, too, which was a little scary. He said he worked with Javi, which made you think he was a part of an alphabet agency, maybe DEA? CIA? FBI? Whichever it was, he had the resources to be a fucking creep, and you hated what he was trying to do to your boyfriend, so you’d give him a taste of his own medicine and fuck with him a little.

“No,” you gasped in pretend shock, covering your mouth with your hands. “My Javi, really did these horrible things you’ve told me about?” 

Stechner tried to make his face look somber, but his gaze told you he was happy by your reaction. 

“Unfortunately, he did,” he replied, nodding his head. 

“He really did these horrible things that would’ve definitely landed him in prison had he actually done them?” 

Again, you knew there had to be some truth since he did get sent home. 

Bill frowned. “He got lucky...” 

Uncovering your mouth, you said, “Let me get this straight. Due to the classified intelligence Javi gave to this vigilante group, he started a war, and a lot of innocent people were murdered, but he ‘got lucky’ and avoided any and all jail time? Not only that, he was given a promotion to take down the Cali cartel… Something isn’t adding up here, Bob—”

“It’s Bill.” 

“You lost name privileges when you basically called me ugly, Dick. Now, as I was saying, something isn’t adding up here, Brad, and it’s the bullshit you’re trying to feed me since Javi already told me everything.” That was a lie, but this asshole didn’t need to know. “Was this how you were going to ‘help me’—” You made air quotes with your fingers. “Tell me some fucked up shit you thought I didn’t already know, and hope I’d what, break up with him? Were you just hoping to ruin his happiness? He hasn’t worked for the DEA in almost two years. Why are you so obsessed with him? Wait—” A look came over your face like you had a realization. “—are you in love with him?” you loudly whispered. “Are you trying to get me out of the picture so you can take him for yourself?” 

He looked disgusted. “What? No. That’s ridiculous.” 

“And you keeping up to date on Javi’s personal life and trying to sabotage his relationship, isn’t ridiculous? Ballsack, this is fucking insane!” You threw up your hands. “You’ve got a screw or two loose in your head. So—” You jabbed him in the chest with your finger as you glared. “Listen here, you greasy-haired fuck. I don’t know who the fuck you are or who you think you are, but you’re not going to scare me away with shit I’m all too aware of from his past. Now get the fuck out of here before I make you, and pray I don’t tell Javi about this ‘cause I don’t think he’d appreciate whatever this fucking game is you’re playing.” 

The plan was to call your boyfriend immediately to tell him everything.

Stechner scoffed, your arm falling as he set the newspaper onto the counter so he could slowly clap his hands. 

“Aren’t you a little firecracker,” he said, his arms crossing in front of him. “I see why Javier likes you. You’re smart, too—maybe too smart for your own good.” 

“That doesn’t sound threatening at all…” Your eyes rolled. 

“No, no, it’s not. You’re spunky and smart. Definitely too good for him. Does he know all of your secrets, too? Like the one you’ve kept from your family of how you failed the MCAT—” That was the Medical College Admissions Test. “—and couldn’t get into medical school, so you went into nursing instead? I’m sure your parents loved that.” You ground your teeth. “Do you hate not continuing the family legacy?” 

The answer was no because you didn’t give a single fuck about it and never had an interest in becoming a doctor—failing the test made you happy. It felt like a sign you were meant to do what you wanted and not what was expected of you. 

Glaring, you replied, “It’s honestly none of your fucking business. I’ve got work to do as a nurse, so if you’ll see your way out.” You started walking around the desk. 

“You may not have continued the legacy, but you’re still reaping the benefits of it. Just remember Javier likes using women—sex, information, money. You have something he wants, and once he’s gotten it, he’ll discard you just like the rest of them. I’ve known him for a long time, and he’s not a relationship kind of guy.” 

Anger was bubbling in your belly at the audacity of this fucker. 

There wasn’t a chance to respond when an alarm sounded from the computer on the desk monitoring patient vitals, seeing the one just brought in had gone into cardiac arrest. 

“Fuck,” you whispered, picking up the desk phone and quickly hitting the numbers to page the on-call doctor about the emergency before turning to get the crash cart against the wall behind you, rolling it down the hallway as quickly as possible. 

Robyn came out of a room. 

“We’ve got a Code Blue!” you told her as you passed. “Man the desk and get rid of that guy!” 

“On it!” She bolted in the opposite direction. 

This job was something you’d been doing for so long that you expected the unexpected and were intimately aware things could change in a split second. A calmness came over you in situations like this, focusing on remembering your training and doing everything in your power to save the person’s life. 

Time became a tricky thing because it felt like it stopped, yet it was also speeding by—you were doing chest compressions with gloved hands while trying to calm the frantic wife when the doctor finally arrived with another nurse, who escorted the crying woman out into the hall. 

Five minutes had passed since the alarm sounded, and it only felt like one. 

Assisting the doctor, you handed him items from the cart and did everything he said—the patient’s heart was beating, but he wasn’t completely stable. 

A glance at your watch told you twenty more minutes were gone that you hadn’t felt slip by. 

The call was made that a minor emergency procedure needed to be done with no time to get to an operating room. The doctor relied on local anesthesia while you and the other nurse helped.

When it was finished, forty-five minutes had disappeared in the blink of an eye, and the patient was finally on the mend. 

The doctor spoke to the wife in the hallway while you and your colleague cleaned the room, letting her in once you were done and wheeling the crash cart to the storage room to restock it—the cart itself was small enough that it was easy to maneuver down the hallways and into the tiny rooms, colored fire engine red with many different sized drawers full of supplies you’d need in an emergency. 

There was a sheen of sweat on your forehead, the adrenaline making your heart pound, and you couldn’t wait to drink some water when you returned to the desk, knowing your water bottle was there waiting for you. 

Your back was to the door while you stuffed gauze into a drawer, hearing it open and close and someone stepping inside. 

“So, my patient is okay,” you told Robyn. “A little impromptu surgery had to happen, and let me just say, I do not miss emergency medicine. I think I’ve been spoiled here with how chill things usually are.” Moving to a locked cabinet close by, you pressed a code on the keypad to resupply some medications in another cart drawer. “Today has been insane, though,” you said. Pausing, you remembered. “Oh god, I need to call Javi!” 

“I’m here,” he said, making you squeak in surprise as you spun around to find your boyfriend standing just inside the room. 

“Jesus, Javi, I thought you were Ro…” Your sentence trailed off as you took in his red-rimmed eyes and disheveled hair, his tie loosened around his neck with a clear look of upset on his face. “What happened, baby?” you asked. Quickly, you were closing the distance, cupping his jaw when you were within reach. “What’s going on, Javi? Is your dad okay?” 

It had you thinking the worst, with him appearing unexpectedly looking like this.

“My dad’s fine.” His lower lip was trembling. “I’m scared,” he whispered. 

“About what?” You pushed your fingers into his hair. “Tell me what’s wrong, baby.” 

“Stechner talked to you.” His eyes were tearing up. “He told you about Los Pepes before I had a chance to tell you the truth, and he gave you a copy of the interview. You must hate me now.” 

Your brows dipped together. “Babe, before I say anything else, you need to know I don’t hate you. Not even a little bit—I love you a lot.” 

A tear rolled down his cheek, his arms pulling you into him, crushing you against him in a hug, feeling his body shaking as he sobbed. “Oh, baby,” you soothed, rubbing your hands over the back of his grey suit jacket, hugging him back. “That creepy motherfucker came here trying to scare me, but I clocked his bullshit the moment he said I wasn’t your type. I didn’t really take much of what he said to heart because it was obvious he was trying to make you look bad, but I would like to go over things with you to know what was true. Everything’s okay, Javi, baby. I still love you—I’ll always love you.” 

His head came up with wet cheeks and reddened eyes. “The interview in the newspaper is bullshit,” he said. “Stechner’s with the CIA, and they were supplying Los Pepes with weapons and made her a deal to keep them out of it if she put everything on me. I gave them locations to a handful of Escobar’s men and fucking told them no civilians were to be harmed—I hated that shit.” 

It was a relief to hear the truth. 

Nodding your head, you replied, “This is why I called him out on his obvious lies. I knew you didn’t do all the stuff he said you did, and if you had, your ass would be in jail, and they definitely wouldn’t have made you the head bitch in charge to take down Cali.” 

He huffed out an amused breath. “Fuck,” he said, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I was so fucking scared I’d lost you.” 

“Absolutely not.” Your palms skimmed up his front to rest on his shoulders. “You definitely still have me.” 

Looking you in the eyes, he replied, “I’m gonna tell you everything today. Everything. I need you to know so this doesn’t happen to me again.” 

He held your hips.

“Only if that’s what you want.” 

“It is.” 

“Okay.” You smiled at him, using your thumbs to wipe away the wetness on his face. “It’s exciting that I get to leave work early for our first family emergency.” 

He was frowning. “You don’t have to leave early… I can wait for you at home…” 

“And spend hours stressing yourself out? Nope, not happening. The night nurse still owes me for covering those three days for her—she’ll come in if I ask. So, give me a little bit to finish here, and I’ll meet you at home. Can you drive, or do you want to wait for me?” Your fingers worked to fix his hair. 

“I can drive.”

“Then go to the apartment, take off these clothes—” You pulled on his jacket sleeves. “—get comfy on the couch and hang out until I get there. Can you do that, babe?”

Softly smiling, his eyes crinkling at the edges, he answered, “Yes, mi amor (my love).”

“Good. Now hurry and kiss me before Robyn comes in here to see if we’re fucking,” you said, puckering your lips.

He chuckled, his big hands gently cradling your face, like he was afraid you’d break, leaning in to kiss you tenderly. He melted into you, his body relaxing, his shoulders sagging—all of the tension in his body releasing, the relief evident that you were kissing him, that you still loved him, that he didn’t lose you. With your mouths fused, you imbued upon him your love, telling him with every caress of your lips that you were there, that everything was okay, that no one could ever get between you two. 

Things began to get more fervent, Javi losing himself in desperation when he deepened the kiss—his arms wrapped around you, turning you both so he could press your back into the hardened surface of the door, pushing his slack-covered thigh between your legs while his tongue plundered your mouth. 

This was something he needed—the intimacy, the closeness; he found comfort in your words, your touch, your body; knowing what you were doing soothed him and gave him peace. 

You had to wonder how long he’d been sick with worry. 

Had Stechner gone to his office right after seeing you? 

You suspected he had and probably knew Javi was in a meeting until noon, the creepy fucker.

Threading your fingers in his hair, Javi was kissing you passionately, his thigh pressing into your clothed pussy and gently moving it side to side—the friction against your clit had sparks igniting in your center, grinding yourself on him for more pressure while he pushed harder, it feeling so good.

A knock sounded behind you. “Y’all better not be doin’ what I think you’re doin’,” Robyn said, loud enough for you both to hear. 

Everything paused, and you detached your mouth from his, ignoring the pout on his kiss-swollen lips. “We’re not,” you answered her. “Things have stayed PG-13.” 

“Dirty Dancin’ is PG-13, and that shit is horny as hell.” 

You snorted. “We’ll be out in a minute.” 

“Is Javi okay?” 

Sliding your fingers into the hair above his ears, you pecked him on the tip of the nose, making him smile. “He’ll be okay.” 

“Good. I called Carla—” She was the nurse who owed you a favor. “—and she’s comin’ in to cover for you.”

“You’re a fucking lifesaver, Robyn,” you said. “Thank you.” 

“No problem. Just make sure to bring back the crash cart before you go.” 

“Will do.” Her retreating footsteps could be heard, and your attention focused on the man in front of you, his big chocolate-colored eyes on yours, seeing in his gaze that he didn’t want to leave without you. If you had to guess, he would be exceptionally clingy for the next couple of days, and that was okay. “Do you wanna keep me company while I finish restocking the cart?” you asked him. 

“Can I?” 

“Yeah, just don’t distract me.” 

“I won’t.”

That was hard to believe and made you smile.

“Uh-huh, okay, quick kiss, then I’m gonna finish my work.” 

Slotting your lips against his, you kissed him momentarily, a sad sound leaving him when you broke apart. 

Lightly pressing on his chest, you said, “May I please pass?” He had you caged in with your back to the door. 

“Oh, yeah,” he replied, taking a step away. 

Getting back to what you were doing, the task was easy enough—check each drawer and replenish what had been used. You moved about the room grabbing things, and Javi was your silent guardian who’d touch you when you were within reach—a hand to your lower back, your shoulder, a soft grab of your ass. When you were done, he was hot on your heels as you returned to the nurse’s station, putting the cart back where it belonged, and getting your water bottle from the desk, taking a few long, refreshing drinks. 

Robyn was in her seat, writing notes on a chart, Javi standing on the other side of the desk, patiently waiting. 

Her head turned toward you, waving you to her so you crouched down while she whispered quietly enough so your boyfriend wouldn’t hear, “Hey, what do you want me to do with that newspaper?”

“Did you read it?” you asked just as softly. 

“Yeah, I hope you don't mind. I didn’t know what it was.”

“It’s fine,” you reassured. “Be real with me. How bad was it?” 

“Bad. Like, if what she’s sayin’ is true, it’s really surprisin’ he’s not locked up.” 

“Yeah, not all of it is. That guy who brought it was a real piece of work. If he shows up again, call security immediately. He’s not welcome here.” 

“Will do, and the paper…?”

“Just throw it out. I don’t want to read it.” 

“I can do that. Now get goin’. I was real worried when poor Javi showed up lookin’ like an absolute wreck.”

“Yeah, I’ll explain later. Thank you!”

It was time to leave, your water bottle in one hand and Javi’s in your other. A quick stop had to be made at the locker room where you got your purse, your cell phone tucked inside, and showing the missed calls from Javi that made you frown. 

He was quiet, the kind of quiet where he was lost in his thoughts, letting his worries and fears consume him—something he hasn’t done in quite some time with how well therapy has been working for him. 

Stepping outside of the hospital, he paused, his eyes squinting in the sunlight as he looked over at you, scratching his mustache with his free hand. “Will you, uh, ride with me?” 

This was why you needed to leave work early—he wouldn’t want to be alone. He needed you with him. 

Smiling in reassurance, you replied, “Of course. We’ll come get my car tomorrow.”

A little smile appeared on his lips. “Thank you,” he said, ducking his head and leading you to where he parked.

His truck was taking up two spaces, cutting across them diagonally.

You were about to comment. 

“Don’t,” Javi said, unlocking the driver’s side door, it squealing as he pulled it open for you. “I know I parked like an asshole.”

Smiling, you patted his cheek as you moved to get in. “At least you’re aware.” 

He loudly sighed, following you into the cab, where you sat down in the middle of the bench seat beside him and buckled up, him following suit. Putting his aviator sunglasses on, his keys jingled as he fit one into the ignition, the truck roaring to life after a second, along with the whirring of the air conditioning. 

Shifting into reverse, his arm went behind you as he looked back to get out of the parking spaces, then he put it into drive, and you were on your way. 

Something on the passenger seat caught your attention, seeing a manilla folder. 

“Did you bring work home?” you asked. 

“What?” A look of confusion was on his face when his head turned toward you.

“The file.” 

The blinker clicked as he turned onto the street. 

“What file?” 

Picking it up, you showed him. “This file.” 

“Oh.” He squeezed the steering wheel so hard the leather loudly creaked while his attention returned to the road. “Stechner had that. It’s information on you.” 

Your stomach did a somersault, looking at the folder in your hand. “Did you read it?” you asked. 

“No, and I didn’t plan on reading it unless you wanted me to.” 

“That’s very sweet of you. Now let’s see how much of my privacy has been invaded,” you said, opening it. 

There was a small stack of papers inside, the first page showing your current driver’s license photo with all the details the DMV collected, such as your birthdate, height, weight, eye color, etc. It had your current address and the others you’ve lived at in the last ten years. 

This just looked like a fact sheet about you. 

“It’s crazy he had a dossier on me.” 

“I can believe it…” Javi mumbled. 

The next page featured your academic and employment history. 

“Javi?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I have a secret…” 

“Okay,” he replied, keeping his eyes on the road. 

“I want to tell you it…” 

He glanced over, softly saying, “Only if you want to.” 

“I do. You know how I told you I always wanted to be a nurse?” 

“Yeah?” His attention went back to driving. 

“Well, as you know, my parents kept my college money from me, and I had to work while also going to school, which was a big struggle—my sophomore year, I took the Medical College Admission Test to get into medical school so if I got in, my parents would pay for everything…” 

When he looked over, his eyes were rounded under his dark lenses. “Are you secretly a doctor?” he asked in a hushed voice. 

“What? No. I’m a nurse. I failed the test.” 

“Is that… okay?” He focused forward again. 

“Oh, yeah. My heart wasn’t in becoming a doctor, and yes, working and going to school was hard, but at least I’m doing what I wanted.” 

“You are.” He smiled. “And you’re damn good at it.” 

“Thank you! I helped save a man’s life today.” 

“You told me. I’m proud of you, mi amor (my love).” 

“Thanks. Okay, back to reading about my life.” 

The next page had your financial information, and you quickly closed the file, hugging it to your chest.  

Javi noticed, asking, “What’s wrong?” 

Turning your head to look at his beautiful profile, you asked, “Did he mention anything about me you didn’t know?” 

“Yeah, that you graduated top of your class which is really fucking impressive.” 

“I guess…” You hated acknowledging your achievements. “Did he say anything else…?” 

“No…? What are you worried he told me?” His eyebrows were pulled together when he chanced a look at you. 

Taking a deep breath, you thought over what to say. 

“I have another secret…” you finally said. 

There was a deep frown on his face. “With how you’re acting, I feel like I’m not going to like what it is…” 

“You know, I’m not entirely sure how you will react when you find out.” 

“Well, my head’s been fucked today, so my immediate thought is you’re already married or some shit.” 

“Who in the world would I be married to, Javi?” 

“I don’t know, maybe that David asshole who cheated on you.” 

“Daniel? Gross. I am not married… yet. The only person I’m marrying is you,” you said, knocking your shoulder against his. 

That made him smile. “Good. ‘Cause you’re the only person I’m marrying.” 

“There we go. It’s agreed.” 

“So, what’s this secret?” he asked, looking over quickly. 

“Oh, you don’t get to find out about it until we’re married, and my last name is Peña for legal reasons.” 

He was quiet for a second, and you could almost hear the wheels turning in his head, making you nervous.

“There was something he kept talking about that I didn’t understand,” Javi said, scratching at his chin. “It didn’t make any fucking sense to me, so I’m gonna ask you a question, and you can answer yes or no.” 

“What’s the question?” 

The truck was stopped at a light. 

“Are you secretly loaded?” 

Your heart stuttered. 

“Oh, he said something about money...” 

His eyes met yours. “He said a lot about money and how I was only dating you for it—yes or no, Cielito.” 

“Yes.” 

He nodded, his gaze returning to the road as the traffic light turned green, continuing your journey. “Are you gonna make me sign a prenup or whatever it’s called? Should I get a lawyer?” 

“My parents would be beside themselves if I didn’t, so no, I’m not.” 

His hand moved to your thigh, squeezing it. “Thank you for trusting me.” 

“I’d trust you with my life.” 

He smiled at you. “I’d trust you with my life. How much?” 

“Enough that our multiple children will get to go to their dream colleges and study whatever the fuck they want.” 

It was like you could see his brain break as he comprehended what you said, having to turn his head back toward the windshield. 

“Multiple?” he whispered, his throat working as he swallowed. 

Honestly, it was adorable that was what he got stuck on. 

You snorted. “I tell you I’ve got a good chunk of change, and you’re more excited over us having a bunch of kids.” 

His head whipped toward you. “A bunch of kids?” 

It made you giggle. “Babe, you are well aware we are having more than one. We’ll see how many I can pop out before my baby factory closes for business.” 

The smile he gave you was so big his dimple appeared. “I really fucking love you.” 

“I really fucking love you, too.” 

This was a good conversation to keep his mind off of the day's events, setting the file on the empty seat next to you and cuddling into his side, lacing your fingers with his over your thigh. He kissed the top of your head before his eyes were forward once more. 

“The house should have at least five bedrooms, maybe six,” he said. 

The previous night, he’d brought up the suggestion of building a house, and you loved it, especially getting to live so close to Chucho, the two of you talking at length about what you’d want it to have. 

“And yesterday it was four. At this rate, we’ll be at ten by tomorrow. How many babies do you want?”

“As many as you’re willing to have. I’d be happy with one or ten. It’s all up to you,” he answered truthfully. 

“My vagina hurts at the thought of pushing out ten babies. I think that’s too many.”

“Ten is too many, got it. At least three…?”

“I can agree to three, for sure, and we’ll just see how we’re feeling after that.”

“Three kids,” he breathed, a beaming smile on his face. “I’m gonna have at least three kids, a wife, a dog, a house—living the fucking dream. Fuck, this is exciting.” His hands tightened on the steering wheel. 

“You deserve it, baby,” you said, leaning to kiss the dimple in his cheek. “You’ve spent enough of your life suffering and atoning for your past. It’s time for you to get your happily ever after, and I’m gonna make all your dreams come true.”

His misting eyes met yours. “Thank you.”

“Nothing to thank me for. I just love you so fucking much and want you to be happy.”

“I love you, too, and you make me happy. You’re everything to me; my present, my future, it all belongs to you.” 

The rest of the ride was spent talking about nothing too important—asking how his meeting went that day, what he wanted to do over the weekend, what he’d like you to make him for lunch, keeping the conversation flowing all the way to him pulling into his spot at the apartment complex. 

It was important that he was comfortable for the discussion you were going to be having, so after you both got inside, doing your usual ritual upon first coming home—removing shoes, emptying pockets, etc., a trip was made to the kitchen where a quick lunch was put together of peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwiches with chips as a side. The dirty dishes were left in the sink as you pulled him to the bedroom, where you both changed out of your work clothes and into something more casual; for you, it was an oversized t-shirt and some soft sleep shorts. Javi kept his boxer briefs on and wore a plain white t-shirt that stretched over his chest and shoulders.   

There was silence again as he grabbed your hand this time and led you to the living room. He sat down on the couch, his back resting against the cushion with his knees spread, watching as you didn’t sit next to him like he expected but instead crawled into his lap, straddling his thighs with your chests pressed together. His arms automatically wrapped around you, your fingers pushing into his hair, knowing without a doubt talking like this would bring him the most solace.

His eyes were on yours as you kissed him, and he hugged you closer while your mouths melded, wanting him to feel your love and devotion. Your foreheads touched when your lips parted, his nose nudging yours. 

“Do you want me to tell you what happened?” you softly asked. “I meant to call you, but one of my patients tried to die on me, which is why I didn’t answer my phone.”

“I, uh, thought…” 

“I was ignoring your calls because your brain was being an asshole and making you think the worst?” 

“Yeah… And when I called your work, Robyn was, uh, abrupt with me.” 

“Oh, I don’t think she did it on purpose. Code Blues are stressful.” 

“Yeah, I don’t think she did either. What did he say to you?” 

“I’m not entirely sure what his game plan was because he started off the conversation by rubbing it in my face that you’ve slept with a lot of women, and definitely implied that, I am not as attractive as them.” 

“That fucking prick,” he seethed. “You know you’re gorgeous.” 

“I know I’m gorgeous to you, and that’s all that matters. Like, you’re very aggressive in making sure I know you’re attracted to me.” 

His big hands grabbed your ass and squeezed while he kissed you. “Fucking beautiful,” he murmured against your lips. “Of course, I’m going to tell you.” 

Pulling back, you looked him in the eyes. “Yeah, he lost all my respect and name privileges after that.” 

His eyebrows creased. “Name privileges?” 

You snorted. “Yeah, I called him things that weren’t his name just to be petty.” 

He smiled. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too,” you replied and continued telling him about what Stechner had to say about Los Pepes and how you called him out on the lies by fucking with him. “—there was something that really bothered me, and it was the last thing he said about you liking to use women for sex, information, and money—which I know isn’t true. I just hated this guy's perception of you, which a lot of people seem to share. You’re not like that. Our first fight was literally about how you wanted us to contribute equally, and I’m pretty sure I initiate sex more than you.” 

He nodded his head. “Yeah, you do. I haven’t fucked anyone more or had someone want me so bad—it makes me feel really good about myself.” 

Smiling, you said, “You’re adorable. So, that was it. I didn’t read the newspaper.” 

“Good.”

You frowned. “Kinda sucks, I could’ve accidentally come across it without knowing the truth... That stings a bit.” 

He grimaced. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. I’m not angry at you or anything, and I still love you with all my heart. This is gonna be a lot to take in. Are you nervous?” It was showing on his face.

His throat bobbed as he swallowed. 

“Yes,” he whispered. 

Your nails scratched lovingly at his scalp, your gazes locked. “Don’t be. Relax, and just talk to me. Tell me all the terrible shit, and know that I’m still going to love you anyway.” 

His mouth was turned down in a frown, seeing his eyes getting watery. “Promise?” he asked. 

Sitting up a little, you held your pinkie out before you. “I pinkie promise, and you know the sanctity of a pinkie promise.” 

He smiled a little, huffing out a breath while looping his pinkie around yours to seal the promise. You brought his hand up to kiss it. “There,” you said. “You’ve got nothing to worry about.” 

Javi sniffled. “Okay. Let me hold you.” Wrapping your arms around his torso, you pressed your front to his, tucking your chin on his shoulder while he hugged you close. 

He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. 

“Fuck, where to start. You probably wanna know more about Los Pepes.”

“I’m curious, yes.”

“Okay, well, that shit happened because a man died. His name was Horacio Carrillo…” He started by telling you who the man was: the first head of Search Bloc until it was disbanded because of how ruthless he was; he went to Spain for a while, then returned to head Search Bloc again, and was the only man Pablo Escobar ever feared.

“—he, uh, was really fucking determined to take down Escobar,” Javier said, “no matter what it took. He… Fuck, he even killed a kid…”

It was bad enough he’d gotten a former president’s daughter killed, but a child?

“What?”

“Yeah.” The emotion was heavy as he spoke. “The cartel used children as spotters, and one night, he rounded up some and shot one to set an example. He didn’t fucking care. It was too fucking much for me, baby. A kid. A fucking child. He just shot him in the head. A kid,” his voice cracked on the last word. 

“I’m so sorry that happened, and you had to see it,” you said, hugging him tighter. 

His hand moved to wipe his eyes. “I’m sorry it happened, too.”

“How did Carrillo die?”

“Me. I got him killed—I got him and his men killed.”

“What happened?”

“I fucked up…” An informant played him, she just didn’t know it at the time—she gave him what she thought was the location of Escobar, which turned out to be an ambush. Javier and Steve would’ve gone with Carrillo if it had been their choice, but bureaucracy ended up saving their lives, and now Javi lived not only with the guilt of getting the men killed but also surviving.

He was speaking roughly through his tears as he recounted everything. This was only a fraction of what he’d gone through, and it was all so awful. No wonder he was so messed up; he went through so much down there, and your heart was hurting for him. 

“—Los Pepes forced me to meet with them, and I couldn’t fucking believe they were asking me to help them—thought it was a fucking joke; the people I was trying to put away wanting my help? Of course, I turned them down. Then the guy who took over heading Search Bloc wanted to use really dated methods to try and get Escobar—shit like search grids, which wouldn’t fucking work. That informant who screwed me over? She led us to a man working for the cartel, and when we followed him, we found one of Pablo’s top sicarios. I tried to do things right. I called for backup, but they fucking denied me, and I couldn’t let this guy get away.” He inhaled deeply. “You have to understand. I spent years of my life trying to get Escobar, and this happened not too long after my mom died, so I was desperate. I was still grieving and hating all the time I lost with her, and I had to get the bastard, so it wasn’t all for nothing.” He spoke slightly softer, “I just wanted to catch him like mi mamá (my mom) always said I would.”

“You wanted to make her proud, even though she was always proud of you.” 

“Yeah… So, I felt like my hands were tied, and I made the call to Los Pepes. We got the guy, and I told them I’d give them intel, but I was only about killing Pablo Escobar, nothing else. I didn’t have to cut through any red tape with them, I called, and they went after the fuckers—it was easy. I gave them, I don’t know, five or six tips? Then shit got out of control between them and the cartel, and I was out. Killing sicarios is one thing, but innocent people? Fuck that. I didn’t sign up for that. I… I tried to save a lawyer who worked for Pablo.” He sniffled. “Knew where he was and kept it to myself ‘cause he had his kid with him—a teen son, and I wanted information from him. Another guy I worked with ratted them out to Los Pepes, and I found them both dead and stuffed in a trunk. I should’ve fucking made sure I wasn’t being followed.” 

His body shook as he cried. 

This man felt so much guilt over the deaths of these people, and he didn’t even pull the trigger. There was no way for him to know Carrillo would be so merciless and have it in him to kill a child. Javi had no reason to doubt the intel he’d been given by the informant was a trap. He’d done his best to protect the lawyer and his son but was betrayed. Other people did these dirty deeds, yet the man you loved felt responsible because he cared so damn much. 

Him caring was his downfall. 

Along with his desperation. 

It made him take significant risks, like working with his enemy.

“Oh, babe,” you whispered, turning your head to kiss his neck. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“Feels like my fault.” 

“It wasn’t.” 

“Fuck.” He sniffed, wiping his eyes again, having calmed down a little. “So, one of the leaders of Los Pepes wanted to turn on the rest and came to me for a deal. I got it approved, but fucking Stechner got her right out from under us and had me take the fall for Los Pepes and all the shit they did.” 

“A coup.” 

“A fucking coup.” 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah.”

“You wanna keep talking?” 

“Yes. I think I told you the sex workers I’d meet up with were also used by Escobar’s men, and I’d pay them for any information they’d give me?”

“Yeah.”

“The first time I met up with one, her name was Carina. I only wanted to hear what she heard, and that was it, and I told her upfront the reason I was paying for her time.” He sighed. “My mistake was doing it at the brothel because she told me what she knew, and then I couldn’t leave without seeming suspicious or looking like a really bad lay—both things I didn’t want. Well, we had time to kill, and she was beautiful and willing, and yeah…” 

“Ohhh nooo,” you deadpanned. “Sex with a beautiful consenting woman, the horror.”

He pinched your hip. “I couldn’t finish.” 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah, she may have been consenting and beautiful, but it turns me off if I can tell the person I’m with is faking, and she was faking. Nice girl, though, and I did pay for the sex, but I didn’t make that same mistake. For a while, I’d only pay the girls I saw for their intel, and as we got to know each other better, the sex came naturally, and I became a favorite.” 

“Of course you did.” 

There was a pause, hearing him audibly gulp. 

“Being a favorite almost got one of them killed,” he whispered.

“Oh, Javi,” you gasped. 

“Her name was Helena, and because I didn’t save her in time, worse things happened to her.” He was getting choked up. “It was all my fault.” His breath stuttered. “She was just trying to get me information and got caught, and they did horrible fucking shit to her. It haunts me how I… Fuck.” He took a deep breath. “It fucking haunts me how I found her—everything that happened to her was because of me.” He was crying again. 

You hugged him hard, kissing his jaw. “You still saved her life. She’s still alive, and that’s all that matters.” 

“I shouldn’t have had to save her life. I shouldn’t have made her feel like she needed to take such a big fucking risk,” his words were laced with anger at himself. “Because of me, that poor girl is traumatized and has to live with what those monsters did to her, and I fucking hate that they didn’t suffer as we killed them. They should’ve felt more pain than they caused her and had to beg for death—they got off too fucking easy, and I hate it.” 

Before now, based simply on how awful things were in Colombia, you thought there was a possibility your boyfriend may have killed someone in the line of duty. 

He had never brought it up and had always been somewhat vague about his work with the DEA. 

This confession? It had thrown you a little off-kilter at the reveal the man you were going to marry had killed multiple people, and not only that, but you were pretty fucking sure he had also dabbled in torture. 

“They definitely deserved to suffer, and it’s absolutely wild I’m saying this: I’m sorry you didn’t get a chance to torture them—I know you would’ve done a great job.” Maybe that was too supportive… “What happened to Helena?” 

It was silent for a second. 

“Javi?” 

He spoke slowly, “Did you just encourage me to torture people and say I’d do a great job?” 

“Javier, before this conversation, I never had confirmation you’ve killed someone, and now I do, and it’s apparently multiple someones, along with a side of torturing, which is a bit of a curveball. None of it freaks me out, per se. It’s just a lot to process, and based on what you said these horrible monsters did to Helena, slow and painful deaths sound warranted—I’m doing my best to comfort and support you while also absorbing all of the new lore about husband-to-be.”

“I’m sorry for throwing you a curveball...”

“If I’m being honest, I feel even safer with you and a little better about the gun you insist we keep in our bedroom.” That was the topic of your second fight when Javi sprung it on you two days after moving in that he’d gotten a small briefcase looking safe to keep his gun in under the bed—you previously worked in an emergency room in a big city; you knew what guns could do and weren’t a fan. 

“‘Cause now you’re aware I know how to use it?”

You didn’t even have to look at him to know his eyebrow was raised. Sitting up, you were met with the expression you expected. 

“Okay, first of all, you’re a Texan, and Texans have a weird fucking obsession with guns. Add in you’re also a cop, and it’s honestly surprising you only have one.”

“The others are at Pop’s.” Of course, they were. “I just brought over what I need to protect us.” Holding up his right palm to you, his fingers slightly spread, he said, “Feel my hand.” 

“Feel your hand…?” 

“Yes,” he replied, nodding toward it. “Feel it.” 

“Okay…” Not entirely sure what was going on, you did as he said, sliding the fingers of your left hand over the rough skin on his palm. 

“Feel the calluses?” 

There was the one you first touched and some on his fingers. 

“Yeah?” 

“How do you think I got them?” 

Meeting his eyes, you took a guess. “I’d had thought from working on the ranch doing manual labor.” 

“No, these are gun calluses from using my service weapon so much.” 

“Oh.” 

Grabbing your hand, he brought your knuckles to his lips as he kissed each one, the contrast of rough and soft, taking your breath away. 

“Yes, I’ve killed when I had to,” he murmured, keeping his gaze on yours. “I’ve done things to make people talk when I had to. I never particularly liked doing any of it, but I had a job to do.”

“I know you did.” 

He nodded once. “I want you to feel safe with me,” he said, kissing the center of your palm. “I want you to know I’ll do anything to protect you. Anything. You’re safe with me.” 

I’ll kill for you.

Was what he wasn’t saying out loud.

“I know I’m safe with you.” 

“Good. It took a lot of work, but I got Helena out of Colombia to the US. It was something I needed to do after all she’d been through.”

“Have you heard from her?” 

He huffed out a breath. “No. I don’t even know where she is. None of the girls I got out of there ever contacted me again, and why would they? We got what we wanted out of each other.” His lips turned down, frowning. “I’ve always worried about her and hope she was able to have a good life.” 

Pushing back his bangs, you told him, “I bet she met a lovely man who treats her right and takes care of her, and they got married and had a bunch of babies.” 

“That’d be nice. She deserves that.” He frowned. “I feel really fucking guilty about using the sex workers as informants and putting their lives in danger.” A loud sigh left him. “And sleeping with them. It was all fucked up.” 

“Yeah, it makes sense you’d feel guilty. Especially with what happened to Helena.”

“Yeah.” His eyes closed. “Jesus, there’s still so much more I need to tell you.” 

“Then lay it on me.” 

He looked at you with big pleading eyes and didn’t even need to ask; you cuddled back against him, hugging him while he held you. His body was relaxed, and when he started talking, he didn’t stop. 

It was a barrage of new information you had to process as quickly as possible while he got more and more upset by each thing he told you—a lot of people who were promised safety either: almost getting killed, being exploited, kidnapped, or murdered. 

What you came to realize was he felt intense guilt about things he did and didn’t do, and the stuff he was guilty of? Haunted him, tormented him, he was covered in invisible wounds that gaped and constantly bled, keeping his sins fresh on his mind—no matter how hard he tried to close them and forget, the stitches always seemed to break and ooze. No wonder he took to therapy like a duck to water; it was probably the first time he’d known peace since college. 

Then that fucker Stechner had to show up and undo all of the hard work Javi’s put into himself. 

For you, it was a lot to take in. None of it made you think any differently of him. Instead, it gave you a better understanding of what he’d gone through and why he felt so poorly of himself. Yes, he did some terrible things and paid the price for them, having been remorseful about them for all these years. 

In your mind, he was still a good man.

In your heart, you knew if he could go back in time, he’d do things differently. 

That was all that mattered. 

What really got to you was he’d been through hell—actual hell with all of the death and violence, Javier waking up every morning, never knowing if it’d be his last, and doing his best to survive. Living like that can turn you into a hard shell of a person, yet he managed to keep his softness. 

If you had to guess, it was probably because of his mother—she was his soft spot, even after she passed. He had pictures of her in his apartments in Colombia and her rosary, keeping her alive with him and his humanity. 

He was bawling in your arms about how he almost got General Hugo Martínez’s son killed by Los Pepes because he tipped them off and barely managed to get the young man out of the situation. 

“—I fucked up so bad. I was always fucking up, and people died because of me. I was so focused on the job I became a heartless, fucking monster,” he sobbed. 

“Hey, that’s not true,” you replied. “Yeah, you made mistakes, but like with Los Pepes, when things took a turn, you backed out and even tried to save a guy. You’re not a heartless monster. You’ve never been a heartless monster. You cared a lot about your job and getting it done, which caused you to do some really questionable things, but you still had a conscience—you weren’t murdering children in cold blood. You still cared about people. Javi, it’s not up to me to judge you for the stuff you did in the past, and I know how all of it eats at you, but you need to let it go.” His breaths had evened out, hearing him sniffling by your ear. “I love you, every part of you, even the imperfections, and I’m not going anywhere.”

He sounded stuffed up when he asked, “You’re not?” 

“Nope. You’re stuck with me for the rest of your life. You know, ‘til death do us part, and all that jazz, but I’m taking a page from your dad and following my soulmate into the afterlife. So, life and death, you’re never getting rid of me.” 

“I wouldn’t want to. It took me too fucking long to find you—I’m following you wherever you go.” 

“This is giving me Romeo and Juliet vibes.” 

“Your family does hate mine…” 

It wasn’t so much that your family hated his, they just thought they were better with their money and prestige and couldn’t fathom why you’d want to be with someone who couldn’t afford a life of luxury. 

Speaking of them, there’d been hardly any contact in the last couple of months because it finally got through to them that your relationship with Javi was serious, and he wasn’t going anywhere. The last call you had with your mother was a week or so ago, and she asked when you’d be making your annual trip to visit them in December; Begrudgingly, she even invited your boyfriend with the caveat he would have to stay in a guest room, which was beyond absurd. She didn’t take it well when you told her you wouldn’t be coming this year and that you’d mail her Christmas gift.

Moving, you sat up, sliding your hands up his t-shirt-covered chest, softly skating over the sides of his neck to his jaw, tenderly holding it as you leaned in to kiss him; something sweet, gentle. When you broke away, his eyes were closed, his lips turned up, and his cheeks shining in the light of the room. 

Using your thumbs, you started wiping at the wetness on his face. 

“But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?” you recited. “It is the east, and Javier is the sun.” 

Those big brown eyes of his blinked open. 

“No, you’re the sun.” 

That made your eyebrow arch, your hands stopping. 

“I’m the sun? Why am I the sun?” 

He was rubbing your hips. 

“Because you’re bright and beautiful. Your warmth gives me life and helps me grow. The last reason is obvious.” He crookedly smiled. 

Frowning, your brows furrowed, not knowing what he meant. 

“Apparently, it’s not because I have no idea.” 

Reaching, his big hands held your face. 

“My world revolves around you. You’re the center of my universe. No puedo vivir sin ti porque eres todo para mí (I can’t live without you because you’re my everything). Prometo que soy tuyo por siempre (I promise, I am yours forever). Mi corazón, mi cuerpo, mi alma, son tuyos (My heart, my body, my soul, they are all yours). Te amaré hasta mi último suspiro y haste que mi corazón deje de latir y luego esperaré a que me encuentres de nuevo al otro lado (I will love you until I take my last breath and my heart stops beating and then I will wait for you to find me on the other side). Yo soy tuyo, y tú eres mía, por siempre en la vida y la muerte (I am yours, and you are mine forever in life and death).” 

Your eyes were burning with unshed tears. 

“God, you know how emotional I get when you go all Gomez Addams on me.” 

He only knew who that was because you’ve made him watch the recent movies… multiple times. 

A smile appeared on his face. “Moriría por ti (I would die for you),” he said. “Mataría por ti (I would kill for you). De cualquier manera, qué alegria (Either way, what bliss).” He winked. 

Your eyes had gone round. “Javier, that is illegal.” 

He chuckled. 

Playfully, you smacked his chest. “I’m serious. Straight to jail. You’re not allowed to quote Gomez when I can’t be horny about it, and right now, we are having a very important discussion.” 

“I’m sorry, Cielito,” he replied, pulling you down for a kiss. 

When you separated, your faces were close enough your noses were touching, the tip of his nuzzling against yours. 

“How do you feel?” you asked, barely above a whisper. 

“Tired,” he sighed. 

“Makes sense. Is there anything else I should know?” 

“I don’t think so.” 

“I’m sorry it all came out like this,” you said. “If I ever see that motherfucker again, I’m punching him in his stupid face for all the shit he’s put you through. I hate him.” 

“I punched him.”

That made you pull back, your gaze on his. 

“What?” 

“I punched him.” 

“When?” 

“Today.” 

Your eyes widened. “Which hand?” 

His eyebrows pulled together. 

“Right?” 

“Let me see it.” He brought it up to you, and you took it in your hands to inspect his knuckles, noticing some redness. “Does it hurt?” you asked. 

“Not really.” 

“Nothing feels broken?” you inquired, moving and wiggling his fingers. 

He snorted. “Mi amor (my love), I know how to punch.” 

“People who know how to punch can still fuck up their hands. Do you want me to ice it?” 

“No, baby. I’m fine.” 

“Are you sure?” 

His hand pulled from your grip to cradle your cheek, making you look at him. A soft smile was on his lips. “Cielito, I promise I’m okay.” 

“You pinkie promise?” 

An exasperated breath left him, holding up his right pinkie. “I pinkie promise.” Hooking yours around his it made you feel better. 

“Okay. Why’d you punch him?” 

A grumpy expression came over his face. “Because I thought he got you to leave me, and it was about fucking time I did.” 

“I’m happy you did. He deserved it.” 

“Yeah, he did.” 

“Is he pressing charges?” 

Javi did assault the guy, even if he had it coming. 

“No. I threatened his job, and Joy heard everything.” 

The Sheriff’s assistant was lovely and a big supporter of your relationship with your boyfriend. She confided in you she had a trick for making Javi less grumpy at work, and it was asking or talking about you. Apparently, it completely turned his mood around, and he had no idea, which was delightful.

“Well, that’s good. She’d have your back.” 

“Yeah, she did.” 

His mouth opened, letting out a big yawn, triggering you to yawn, too. 

“Wanna take a nap?” you asked through it. 

“That’s a great fucking idea.” 

Checking your watch, it was half past three, realizing you’d been talking for a couple of hours. 

“Let’s go take a quick shower, then get in bed. We can order pizza for dinner.” 

“Sounds good. Un beso, por favor (One kiss, please),” he said, grunting as he sat up straighter to get closer to your face. 

Smirking, you grabbed his chin in your hand, his heavy-lidded eyes on yours. 

“Un beso (One kiss)? No tienes el control para un solo beso (You don’t have the control for only one kiss). No sobrevivirías con uno solo (You wouldn’t survive with only one).” 

“Tienes razón (You’re right). Necesito dos besos (I need two kisses).”

“Necesitas dos besos (You need two kisses)? No más (No more)?” 

“Hmmm, tuve un mal día y me siento triste (Hmmm, I did have a bad day and I’m feeling sad). Tienes razón, dos no es suficiente (You’re right, two isn’t enough). Mi amor, ¿me besarás hasta que me sienta mejor (My love, will you kiss me until I feel better)?”

“Sí, mi futuro esposo (Yes, my future husband). Te daré tantos besos como necesites (I will give you as many kisses as you need),” you replied, pressing your lips to his and feeling him smiling. 

Many kisses and minutes later, the two of you found yourselves freshly showered under the blankets of your shared bed, your bare fronts pressed together and legs intertwined, his arms wrapped around you to hold you close against him. 

Your head was beside his on the same pillow, sliding your fingers into his damp hair and toying with it while you lay there. 

“I’m sorry about what happened today,” his voice was quiet. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I mean, the whole thing was fucking insane, and I can’t believe you’ve literally got enemies who want to destroy your life, but I’m okay. Are there any other archnemesis I should be aware of? Any other CIA dudes?” 

“No.” 

“FBI?”

“No.”

“Secret Service.” 

“Oh, yeah.” 

“Really?” you harshly whispered. 

“No.” 

Glaring, you tugged on his hair as you replied, “Asshole. But you’re sure no one else has it out for you besides She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named?” 

Fucking Lorraine.

He thought it over for a second. 

“I think you’ve met them all. The others are either dead or locked up.” 

“I guess that’s good.” Exhaustion was catching up to you, your eyelids feeling heavy. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” 

Closing your eyes, you said, “Mmkay, it’s sleepy time. Night, babe.” 

“Night, Cielito.” He leaned forward to kiss your forehead. “Thank you for loving all of me,” he whispered. 

“No reason to thank me,” you replied, snuggling closer to him. “Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.” 

“Loving you is the best thing I’ve ever done.” 

It was getting hard to stay awake, feeling so out of it, your thoughts thick and slow like molasses, almost like you were drunk. It didn’t even register that you said out loud the first thing that popped into your head after hearing what he said. 

 “Mmm,” you mumbled. “Marry me…” 

Sleep came for you, pulling you down into a dreamless abyss. Maybe you were dreaming it, thinking you might’ve heard the quietest, yes. 

An hour passed. 

At some point, you rolled out of Javi’s arms, seeking cooler sheets. 

Another hour went by.

Jostling woke you, it taking you a second to reorient yourself with your consciousness, realizing the interruption was your boyfriend beside you thrashing—not violently, it was very mild, his legs and arms moving enough you felt it. 

“No,” he softly whined, and your eyes flew open. 

It was a nightmare. 

He was having a nightmare. 

“No, no, no,” he continued. “Please, no.” 

Your first instinct was to wake him up and save him from the misery, but that could do more harm than good or possibly elicit a violent reaction. All you could do was let him work through it and hope his sleep shifted to something more peaceful. 

Keeping your ears peeled, you listened for if he needed you. 

A minute later, he went still, and you let out a relieved breath. 

Sunlight crept through the cracks in the blinds behind the blue linen curtains, bathing the room in a soft glow. The only sounds you could hear were the hum of the air conditioner and people walking around in the apartment above yours. 

Maybe if you cuddled him, it would make him feel better. 

Getting ready to face him, he suddenly shouted Cielito, his body bolting upright while his chest heaved in heavy breaths. 

Immediately, you turned toward him; the sheets were pooling at his waist, his eyes wide open, and you reached to touch his arm, Javi jolting when you made contact. 

“It’s me, baby,” you reassured. “It’s just me. I’m here.” 

He looked at you with tears streaming down his cheeks, a layer of sweat making his skin glisten.

“You’re here,” he breathed. 

“I’m here.” 

“You’re not there.” 

Those three words made your heart break, wondering what terrible things he was dreaming about.

“No, Javi. I’m here at our apartment in Laredo with you. We’re home.” 

“We’re home.” He swallowed thickly. “I’m at home with you. Fuck.” His palms pressed to his face. 

“What do you need?” 

His hands fell, big, round eyes meeting yours, seeing his distress. 

“To forget.” 

Moving, you sat up. “Okay, we can either go watch a movie in the living room, or I can make you come.” 

“Make me feel good. Please.” 

“I can do that, baby,” you said, leaning in to kiss him. He cupped your cheeks, deepening it with a press of his tongue between your lips, welcoming the intrusion, and tangling yours with his in the way he liked. 

As far as you knew, this was the first nightmare he’d had at home with you, and his desperation for you to make it all go away was palpable—you could feel his need. A large palm lowered to fondle the familiar weight of your breast, moaning when he rolled your pebbled nipple between his fingers. Scooting closer to him, without looking, you uncovered his waist to get your hand where he was starting to harden, wrapping your fingers around his length, languidly stroking him. 

The kissing was messy as he rapidly grew in your fist, his palm skating down to the apex of your thighs, gasping when two thick digits slid through your slit—gathering some of the wetness pooling at your opening, he used it to easily glide his fingers over your perky little clit, circling it so sparks of arousal danced in your belly. 

This was about him wanting to forget, and you had some ideas on how to achieve that, needing to get him nice and hard before you began. 

The need to breathe became too much, and he nipped at your bottom lip, kissing along your jaw to your neck, making you hum in pleasure when he sucked on your pulse point. 

His lips trailed up, feeling his hot breath at your ear, his voice a rough, soft rasp, “Let me eat your pussy.”  

“I’m making you feel good, baby,” you answered, his cock at full-mast in your hand. He moved to look you in the eyes with a little frown on his face. “I’m gonna make you lose your mind first, and then you can do whatever you want to me.” 

The pink of his tongue peeked between his lips, nodding his head once. 

“I know you trust me, but are you okay with me tying you up?” you asked.

His eyes darkened, and he nodded his head again. 

“Words, Javi,” you said. “I need to hear it.” 

“Yes,” he whispered. 

“Be right back.” You quickly kissed him. “Get comfy in the middle.” 

Getting out of bed, you went to his dresser, reaching into his tie box to grab a black patterned tie. 

The blankets had been kicked to the end of the mattress, and he stacked some pillows behind his back to prop himself up in the spot you requested, his dick hard and leaking precum in the trail of hair on his lower belly. 

“God, you’re pretty,” you said as you got onto the bed, crawling towards him.

He spoke so softly, “Not as pretty as you.” His lips were curled up in a tiny smile as he looked at you, thinking it was sweet he was trying so hard to act normal when he was clearly still messed up from the dream. 

“Such a sweetheart. Hands up, baby,” you said, sitting on your knees beside him. 

The white metal headboard arched with a second arch in the middle and vertical slats under it, making it easy to slip the tie over the metal after twisting it in a way that left two loops his wrists could fit into. 

Doing as you said, his hands came up, and quickly, you had them secured, making sure they weren’t too tight and nodding to yourself when you were satisfied. 

“Are you comfortable?” you asked. 

His elbows were up, arms tied to the headboard behind his head. 

He was looking at you and nodded. 

“What’s your safeword?” you asked. 

“Rábano (Radish),” he answered immediately, which was good. 

“As always, the stoplight system is also in play, or if you tell me to stop, I will. Please tell me if it’s too much.” 

“I will.” 

Smiling, you replied, “Good boy,” ending it with a wink that made him gulp hard. 

It only took a moment to get in position, kneeling between his wide-spread legs. 

Now, you loved being Javi’s pillow princess or any position where your only job was taking what he had to give. But the times like this where he handed over the reins and put you totally in control? Oh, it was one of your favorites—definitely, top three. The power you felt at making him feel so good was addictive, greedily wanting every moan, whimper, whine, and groan you could pull from him—it was the best. 

Seeing him there in front of you naked, a slight sheen on his skin from sweat, a fresh, darkening hickey over his pulse point from the night before, his hard cock resting against his happy trail in a pool of precum—he was a sight to behold, and he was yours, wanting to do whatever you could to make him feel better. 

Moving forward, your hands held up your weight on either side of him as you crawled over his body to kiss him on the lips, all slow and tender, ending it with a nip to his bottom lip. 

“I love your lips,” you said, nudging your nose against his. “I love your nose.” Your mouth pressed to his chin in a kiss, speaking into his skin, “I love your chin.” Peppering kisses along his jaw, your words were muffled, “I love your jaw.” 

Your trail continued down his neck, feeling him swallow hard, “God, your neck.” Here you stayed, laving him in kisses and sucking marks into the taut golden skin, making him softly whimper. 

He asked you to make him feel good, and yes, you could get straight to the point and make him come, but that wasn’t enough—he needed it drawn out and to hear and feel your love for him. Basically, you were going to tease him and worship his body while you did it because the easiest way to turn Javi into a puddle was by giving him physical affection and verbal affirmation, two of the three ways he liked to be loved. 

Lowering to his chest, you continued your tour of his torso with your mouth, kissing every bit of skin you could while leaving the occasional mark. 

“I love your pecs,” you said before licking at his nipple and getting a groan in return. Sucking on it, had his hands struggling in the restraints and his hips bucking. Switching sides, you went through the same motions while his sounds got louder, hearing how much he was enjoying what you were doing. 

“Please,” he gasped. 

Letting go of his hard bud, your head lifted. “Please, what?” you asked. 

His mouth wasn’t closed all the way, panting, his eyes darkened. 

“Touch me,” he raggedly answered. 

“Not yet.” Quickly, you pecked him on the lips, and he whined. “You’re doing so good for me,” you praised. “I know you can take more, baby. Now, where was I? Oh, yes.” 

Scooting back, you leaned down to kiss all over his stomach, deliberately avoiding his dick. 

“I love your tummy,” you murmured against him.

The whine he let out was pitiful and thrilled you, the puddle of precum in the hair below his navel getting bigger. 

Your cunt was throbbing in tune with your heartbeat as you moved further back to be at the perfect distance away to bend down and trail a streak of kisses and bites along his inner right thigh, leaving a mark near the joint. “I love your thighs,” you said. His eyes were glazed over and watching your every move while unbidden moans left his lips, your head going to his other thigh to give it the same treatment. 

His dick was straining, the tip an angry red, it jerking when your hot breath ghosted over it. 

“Cielito, baby, please,” he practically pleaded. 

“Are you needy, Javi?” you asked, kissing above his belly button. 

“Yes, please.” 

“Okay, baby, you can have anything you want.” 

His cock was like iron encased in velvet and hot to the touch when you took him in hand. Javi hissed, his mouth falling open as you pressed open-mouth kisses up his shaft. 

“Now, this?” His attention was on you while you slowly jerked him. “You know how much I love this gorgeous dick.”

When your lips wrapped around the head and you swirled your tongue against all the sensitive spots, his eyes closed, and he groaned.  

Coming off of him, you spat in your palm and started stroking him, your hand gliding effortlessly, twisting it on the upstroke, the other fondling his balls, your face going lower to lightly lick at the thin skin of his sack. 

His long, low moan went straight to your pussy.

Licking back up his cock, his eyes were on yours as you gathered spit on your tongue and let it drip onto the tip of him before taking him into your mouth and hollowing your cheeks, humming around him. You welcomed the weight of him on your tongue, bobbing your head while sucking him like a lollipop, your hand continuing to work what wouldn’t fit in your mouth—rough sounds were coming from his throat, his eyebrows furrowed, mouth open, and gaze so dark hardly any brown remained. 

Taking him further and further into your mouth and tonguing the underside of his shaft, it got until he was nudging the back of your throat, and you didn’t go any further. You were moaning, your head moving up and down, keeping your eyes on his, building up the anticipation for what he knew was coming and the thing that would push him over the edge. 

This was something that had taken a lot of practice, and Javi wasn’t a small guy; deepthroating him was actual deepthroating with how big he was—after getting a tiny bit too drunk one night on some tequila his tía Lupe gave you, the topic of how he was the most well-endowed man you’ve ever been with came up, and he was so smug about it, it took very little convincing for him to let you measure his hard very close to eight-inch dick. 

Swallowing around him, he slid smoothly into the tight space of your throat, Javi loudly moaning your name, taking him so deep, your nose was pressing into the coarse hairs at the base of his cock, smelling your eucalyptus spearmint stress relief body wash he used in the shower before you got into bed. 

Breathing through your nose, tears were leaking out of the corners of your eyes, loving how he felt inside you. 

“Te amo (I love you),” his strained voice said. “Te amo más que a nada (I love you more than anything).”

This man and being so loving during sex—he was perfect. 

Gulping made his thighs and stomach tense, and a strangled moan left his lips, his dick jerking. 

You knew he was getting close, so you did it again, contracting your throat around him, trying to get him there. 

“Rábano (Radish)!” he exclaimed, and immediately, you were pulling off of him, ignoring the drool on your chin and your wet cheeks. 

It had you worried something was wrong. 

Your voice was hoarse when you asked, “Are you okay?” 

His eyes were shut, his chest rising and falling hard while he panted. 

“Yeah,” he croaked. 

“Was it too much?” 

“No.” 

“Just didn’t want to come?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Wanna cuddle while you calm down?” 

“Please,” he answered. 

Smiling, you crawled up his body, straddling his hips to sit in his lap, quickly untying his hands, Javi immediately hugging you against him. His skin was sticky with sweat, and you didn’t care, tucking your head under his chin, lying against him. 

“How are you feeling, babe?” you quietly asked. 

“Good,” he answered, kissing your hair. 

“Head still messed up?” 

“Mi amor (My love), the only thing on my mind right now is eating your pretty little pussy and then fucking my come deep inside it.” 

His words made your cunt clench hard around nothing. 

“Well, that’s good the horny has taken over.” 

He chuckled, feeling it vibrate in his chest below you, him squeezing you tighter. 

“It has. How sore are you from yesterday?” 

The day before, you had asked him to fuck you hard enough, you’d feel it today, and you definitely were dealing with a bit of an ache, now that you were thinking about it. 

“Not like I need to ice my vagina sore but achy—honestly, I hadn’t even noticed it with all the shit that happened today, but now that you’ve mentioned it, I’m feeling it.”

“I’ll get you off with my mouth and fingers and use lube when I fuck you,” he said matter-of-factly. 

“Are you now?” 

“Yeah.” There was doubt in his voice when he continued, “Unless you don’t want that…”

“Javier, my future husband and love of my life, we’re fucking—your plan sounds great. A deal’s a deal, my body is yours to do with whatever you want, mi cuerpo es tu cuerpo (my body is your body).” 

“Anything…?” He sounded hopeful, and you knew exactly what he meant.

“Nice try, but unfortunately, it’s a no on anal today.” You felt him deflate under you. “I think I can probably make it happen tomorrow.” He perked right back up, a surprised noise leaving you, when suddenly you found yourself on your back, having been rolled with him now on top of you—his hips nestled in the cradle of your thighs, his hard cock digging into your belly. 

His smiling face was hovering over yours, his hair a mess atop his head, sticking up at odd angles. 

“I can fuck your ass tomorrow?” he asked, clearly excited. 

You snorted, ghosting your fingertips over his bare back to make him shiver. “It’s adorable how every time I agree to anal, you act like it’s the first time I’ve said you can, when in fact, you’ve gotten to do it like four times—“

“Five,” he interrupted, “six if you let me tomorrow. Can I?”

With what he went through today, he deserved a nice treat, and frankly, you quite enjoyed it. 

“Yes, Javi. Mi culo es tu culo (my ass is your ass).”

“Sí, así es (Yes, it is).” His lips crashed into yours. “Tu culo es mío (Your ass is mine),” he growled, licking into your mouth and stealing your breath. 

His tongue slid against yours in practiced strokes, your fingers digging into his shoulders hard enough that your nails left half-moon imprints, arousal burning brightly in your belly. He had to rock his hips for friction to ease his achingly hard dick, pressing it into the softness of your stomach. 

The day’s events were insane, to say the least—nowhere on your daily bingo card did you have ‘Javi’s Villainous Ex-Co-worker Attempting to Break You Up’ or ‘Assisting in a Surgery to Save a Patient's Life,’ the second definitely being more plausible to randomly happen than the first, though. 

It killed you how distressed your future husband was over Stechner telling you about some of what he did in Colombia. Did you not tell him enough you’d still love him after learning about that part of his life? Were you not reassuring enough? Did he not believe you? It was shocking to hear all he’d done and gone through, and some of it was incredibly fucked up; Like you told him, it wasn’t your place to judge his past. To you, he had paid for his sins in full, and there was no reason for him to dwell on them any longer. You just hoped after today, it would get through to him that you weren’t going anywhere and loved everything about him. Everything, even his flaws. 

His lips broke away from yours to kiss your chin, gasping at his teeth nipping at it. A wet trail of kisses went along your jaw, his breath tickling your ear as he rasped into it, “I love you so fucking much.” Goosebumps erupted all over your skin. “You’re perfect—a goddamn goddess amongst men, and I’m gonna give you the fucking worship you deserve, mi reina (my queen).” 

Pulling on his hair, you made him look at you, his eyes hooded, smirking under his perfectly trimmed mustache. “God, I love you, but right now isn’t about me; it’s about you.” 

“And this is what I want to do.”

Frowning, you replied, “Fine,” and let go of his hair.

“Thank you.” 

And thus, he began a journey of your flesh with the plush of his lips, starting with your face. The kisses were gentle, reverent, interspersing them with whispers of ‘te amo (I love you),’ blazing a trail of fire under your skin as he made his way down your body—your jaw to your neck to your chest and breasts, peppering kisses all over your tummy. 

This wasn’t the first time he’d done this, nor would it be the last. Still, the way his mouth caressed each of your imperfections—your insecurities, and told them he loved them had your throat going tight and tears brimming your eyes that he truly cherished every part of you. He didn’t care if your stomach wasn’t flat or if there were stretch marks, scars, or cellulite on your ass and thighs; to him, you were beautiful—all of you was beautiful, and he’d make damn sure you knew it.  

Down he went, kissing and speaking his love as he moved lower until he was lying between your legs. Lips pressed to each of your hip bones, his big hands grabbing just behind your knees, lifting one leg for him to kiss a wet streak along your inner thigh, his murmured words hot against your skin. The tickle of his mustache caused you to wiggle a little, your body lit up, and pussy weeping with need for him, wanting him to touch you. 

The leg was lowered, his face a hair's breadth away from where you were throbbing, so close you could feel his breath and him inhaling deeply. Humming appreciatively in the back of his throat, you sat up, his eyes meeting yours. 

“Now this,” his words were a deep rasp. “You know how much I love this pretty fucking pussy. I’ve never had any better—it owns me.” 

“It’s yours, Javi. It’s all yours.” 

A crooked smile appeared on his face. 

“Yeah, it is mine, and my dick is yours.” 

“Touch me.” 

“Not yet, mi amor (my love),” he replied and placed a chaste kiss on your mons. Your other leg was lifted, and he gave it the same attention as the other, making you fall back onto the bed in a frustrated groan, your cunt feeling so achingly empty.  

“Javi,” you whined his name. “Please, eat me out.”

“Are you needy, baby?” he asked, kissing close to your knee. 

“Yes.” 

“Okay, I’ve got you, Cielito.” 

Scooting closer, he slipped your legs over his broad shoulders, one comforting hand on your belly, the other hand at the apex of your thighs where he used his thumb and forefinger to open the glossy lips of your sex—the need you had for him grew more intense wanting him to ease the ache in your core. 

“So fucking pretty,” he purred, his breath fanning over the wet folds of your pussy. 

It made you moan when wet, hot spit dropped onto your clit, feeling the saliva slowly dripping down toward your entrance and being intercepted by the flat of Javi’s tongue sliding up the length of you, sending a jolt through your center. 

Sitting up on your elbows, you watched his face between your thighs—eyes closed, hair a mess of chocolate waves. His groans vibrated against your sensitive skin as he lapped at you, licking up every bit of your arousal he could get in hot stripes. Heat was beginning to build in the base of your spine, and when his lips latched around your sensitive bundle of nerves, and he sucked, you moaned his name, writhing under him from the shock of pleasure. 

“Oh, god,” you gasped. “It’s so good, Javi. It feels so good.” 

His eyes opened, all heavy-lidded, his pupils blown wide with lust while he watched himself make a mess of you, not even a tiny bit ashamed you were mewling.

You were so close when one thick finger slid inside you with hardly any resistance, savoring the slight stretch when he pushed in a second beside it. This man was an expert at making you come and knew your body probably better than you did. His hot mouth focused on your clit, pulling out all the stops by flicking it with his tongue, and sucking, while his digits worked in and out of you before he was crooking them up to slide along—

“Right there!” you moaned, him pressing into the spot that had every nerve in your body lighting up, the knot in your belly tightening. “Fuck, Javi! You’re gonna make me come!”

That just spurred him on, and it was all so much—the adoration evident in his dark eyes, watching as he took you apart; his mouth focusing on your sensitive clit, his fingers relentlessly fucking into you—all of your weight went onto one elbow to hold his hand on your stomach, needing him to ground you, and make sure you didn’t float away as he sent you higher and higher.

He had you moaning incoherently, and it wasn’t long before the coil snapped, and you came with a cry of his name, blinding pleasure exploding out from your core. 

“Good girl,” he groaned into your pussy. “My good fucking girl.” 

His tongue licked up your release, greedily pressing it inside your drenched hole to drink it from the source. Falling back on the mattress, your chest was heaving, eyes closed, and your boyfriend slowed down to work you through your high. 

One last kiss was placed on your swollen clit, before he got out from under your legs and crawled up your body, the tip of his hard cock drooling precum onto your skin as it pressed into you.

The air shifted, and you knew his face was over yours, him staying like that for some seconds. 

“Why are you staring at me?” you mumbled. 

“Because you’re beautiful,” he answered quietly.

You smiled. “Such a fucking flirt.” 

“Just telling the truth.” 

“Uh-huh, the truth that’s gonna get you laid.” 

“I didn’t say it so I’d get laid.” The frown was evident in his tone, and it made you open one eye to see his mustache, and the bottom half of his face were covered in your juices, and just as you thought, his reddened lips were turned down.

“Oh, babe,” you started, opening both eyes as you reached up to caress his cheeks. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. You know I’m terrible at accepting compliments.” 

A loud sigh left him, his eyes darting away. 

“Yeah, your low self-esteem—”

“Absolutely abysmal self-esteem,” you corrected. 

“I know. I just wish you could see how I see you so you knew I mean what I say.” 

“I know you’re telling the truth,” you replied. “We don’t lie to each other.” 

“We don’t.”

“Then that’s settled. Now let’s get back to the horny because your dick has absolutely got to be aching, my guy.” 

His gaze met yours. “Do you wanna come again? I’m not gonna last.” 

“One was more than enough. As I said earlier, mi cuerpo es tu cuerpo (my body is your body). Use it however you want to make yourself feel good.” 

“Thank you,” he said, his mouth hotly descending to claim yours, using the moan you made at tasting yourself to slip his tongue inside. 

It was true you were still sore from the night before, but with him making you orgasm, your cunt was nice and wet, and the muscles were relaxed to make taking him easier. 

His hips were grinding into you, the kissing making heat blossom in your belly and sizzle along your spine that could build into another climax if you let it. One moment, his lips were on yours, and the next, they weren’t, him suddenly sitting up with a groan on his knees. 

“Need you on your front, mi amor (my love),” he said, tapping your hip. The bed jostled as he moved over you toward the bedside table. 

“Damn, doggy two nights in a row?” you asked, flipping onto your stomach. “You really want me sore enough I will have to ice my pussy.” 

“Not doggy,” he replied, hearing the drawer slide open and close. “Keep your legs together.” 

Closing your legs and keeping them straight, Javi made his way back over, straddling them. Your arms were on either side of your head that was turned to the side, resting comfortably on the mattress. He bent over, pressing a kiss to your shoulder and another at the base of your neck, asking softly, “Is this okay?” 

“Yes,” you answered. “Stick it in.” To end the sentence, you wiggled your ass. 

“You’re so fucking impatient,” he chuckled, getting back up on his knees. The sound of the cap popping open told you he was using the lube, the bottle getting tossed onto the bed when he was done. 

“One of us has to be.” 

A sharp smack landed on your ass, making you gasp, before he shuffled forward, using one hand on the mattress to hold himself up, the other positioning his cock at your entrance. 

“I was gonna be gentle…” Was all the warning he gave before burying himself inside you in one smooth thrust. 

A strangled gasp left you at the sudden fullness, relishing the burn, your fingers clawing at the sheet under you for something to hold onto. With your legs closed, you were tighter, and Javi felt bigger—stealing your breath bigger, oh-my-god-how-did-he-fit-that-thing-inside-me bigger, I'm-definitely-gonna-have-to-ice-my-pussy bigger. 

You had to admit, the stretch was pretty great.

“Jesus Christ,” he gritted through his teeth, his hips bumping into the plush of your ass. “You’re so fucking tight, baby.” 

His large palms were now on your backside, smoothing over your skin. 

“You’re so fucking big,” you breathily replied.

He pulled halfway out and slowly pushed back in with a groan, your mouth falling open and feeling thankful for the lube making him move so easily. His hard length was pressing into all of those spots that made your toes curl, feeling every ridge and vein as he slid it halfway out and rocked it back in over and over, your brain erroring out at how good it felt.

“Shit,” he hissed, moving forward on his arms to kiss your back once more. “This is gonna be quick.” 

He sped up his pace, his dick moving in and out of you with quick snaps of his hips, pushing in so far there was a possibility he was in your guts, filling you to your limit—it was hard to think; it was hard to breathe, with how full you felt.

A fire had started in your belly, getting hotter and hotter with each deep kiss of his cock to your womb, no longer feeling overwhelmed by the fullness, it now slowly making you lose your mind in ecstasy. 

“I love you so fucking much,” he panted. “You’re so fucking perfect and beautiful and amazing. Fuck, you feel so good. Me encanta cómo te sientes, mi amor (I love how you feel, my love). Estás tan apretada y mojada (You’re so tight and wet).” Wet was an understatement; you were sopping, hearing an obscene squelch where you were joined. “Te sientes tan pinche rico (You feel so fucking good). Te amo, mi futura esposa (I love you, my future wife). No puedo esperar para casarme contigo (I can’t wait to marry you).” 

He sat up, his hands firmly gripping your waist for leverage, fucking into you harder and faster, grunting with every thrust—your body was alight in pleasure, the angle making him rub against that one spot only he could find and rocketing you toward your own end; your skin was heated, coated in sweat, and you were so fuck drunk a stream of babbling was coming from your mouth in the tune of his name, letting him know how good he was fucking you, and telling him you loved him—a lot of you telling him you loved him, actually. 

The room was filled with the rhythmic slap of his hips hitting against your ass, the jumble of words spilling from your lips, and the rougher grunts from Javi’s throat, the air smelling like sex. 

The heated pressure inside you was growing rapidly, your body trembling. 

“I love you, too,” he grunted. “Am I fucking you good, Cielito? Are you gonna come again? You’re so fucking wet, and I can feel you’re close, baby. You know why I can’t wait to marry you?” 

Somehow, in your wrecked state, you could choke out a “Why?” 

“Shit, I’m almost there, too.” He swallowed. “‘Cause I love you.” His rhythm was starting to get uneven. “And I’ll finally get to fuck a baby into you.” 

A stab of red-hot pleasure hit your gut, your moan sounding punched from your lungs. 

“You want that,” he continued. “You want me to get you pregnant.” 

That fire in your belly was threatening to combust, so close to your climax that you could practically taste it. 

“Yes!” you cried out. 

He was going faster, his thick cock slickly sliding in and out of your tight heat; his name was a soft chant from your lips, saying it over and over like a prayer—proof he was a sex god, and you were his devoted devotee willingly giving him your entire being, body, and soul, as an offering. 

He worshiped you, and you worshiped him. 

“You’ll look so fucking beautiful pregnant with my baby,” his words were breathy. “My beautiful pregnant wife; fuck, come on, Cielito, give me another. I want my wife to come with me. Come on, mi esposa, I’m gonna fill you up—fuck my come so deep, you’ll be pregnant when I put a ring on your finger.” 

That’s what got you, falling over the edge with a gasping moan. Euphoria overtook every cell in your body, rippling out from your center, spreading to your fingers and toes, feeling like you kept coming, and coming, and coming. 

Javi went with you, pushing in all the way to the hilt, his cock thickening and jerking hard, shattering with a low, dirty groan, feeling the warm, wet pulse as his spend filled you—falling forward on his arms, his hips rolled to fuck it deeper, and he leaned down to softly kiss your shoulder, moving to lightly bite the edge of your ear, hearing the hiss slide through his teeth when the overstimulation hit and he stopped moving. 

Wrung out was apt for how you felt. Your limbs were quivering uncontrollably, panting, your mind all hazy from the pleasure, and you felt boneless. 

Something about the man you were going to marry was he enjoyed staying inside you after finishing, and he’d mastered the art of getting you both comfortable without pulling out. He rolled you both onto your sides, bringing your back flush to his front and wrapping his arms around you to hug you tightly against him, his nose buried in your hair, while your hand went back behind you to play with his. 

It didn’t matter you were both sweaty and, let’s be honest, gross—a shower was absolutely needed—you loved basking in the post-coital bliss with the person you would spend the rest of your life with. 

This also happened to be another occasion where time was tricky. It only felt like seconds passed, maybe a minute or two, as you lay there, luxuriating in each other, but a glance at the glowing red numbers on the alarm clock on your bedside table told you ten minutes had passed. 

“Yes,” you said, breaking the silence. 

He nuzzled against your neck, pressing a kiss to it. 

“Are you practicing again?” 

“No, this yes is my pre-acceptance of your proposal.” 

“I’ve been pre-approved to be your husband?” he asked amusedly. 

“Um, yes, Javier, you have gone above and beyond to prove you are husband material. You’ve also been pre-approved to be the father of my future children.” 

“Cielito?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I’m guessing you don’t remember,” he sighed. 

“Remember what…?”

“I’m already engaged.” 

“WHAT?!” you yelled, Javi making a pained sound when you aggressively got out of his arms and off his dick to turn around and sit up in bed, staring at him. “What the fuck are you talking about?!” 

The expression on his face could only be described as the realization of, ‘I fucked up.’ His throat bobbed as he gulped in fear at your reaction. 

He propped his head up on his arm, meeting your gaze. 

“I can explain—“ he tried. 

Thoughts were racing through your brain, trying to make sense of this—that was the thing; it made zero sense. Nothing was adding up, not with how intertwined your lives had become and your plans for the future, plus all the shit you’d gone through together to get to this point.  

“Oh, you better fucking explain, Javier,” you cut him off, anger making you seethe. “It’s not Lorraine since she’s married. Wait—“ Panic hit you. “Am I the other woman? Do you secretly have a fiancée in Colombia?”

There was no way whoever he was betrothed to was from here—you’d know. 

His face scrunched in confusion. 

“Other woman?” he asked. “Secret fiancée? What? It’s you. I’m engaged to you!”

Your eyebrows creased, checking your hands for a ring and not seeing one. 

“Uh, no, we’re not…” You looked at him. “Our anniversary hasn’t happened yet, and I’m like 99.9% sure you haven’t proposed—I’d remember.”  

“You proposed to me…” he said slowly.

That had you taken aback. 

“Javi, babe, I am so fucking confused right now. Like, you’re the one—” You pointed at him then yourself. “—who has to propose to me, not in a stereotypical way, but because your last engagement wasn’t your choice, and you wanting to marry me, or anyone for that matter, needs to be your choice. Also, I cannot recall ever proposing to you?”

As you explained your reasoning why he was the one who had to do it, his eyes had gotten rounder, and he smiled softly. 

“It was this afternoon before you fell asleep.”

There was still no recollection. 

“Was I basically asleep?” 

He sheepishly ducked his head. “Yeah…” 

Pushing his shoulder, you replied in exasperation, “Oh my god, Javier, that doesn’t count! You know that doesn’t count!” 

His smile got bigger, meeting your eyes. “I still said yes.” 

“To a woman who was more asleep than awake and wasn’t in the right state of mind to even ask.” 

“Yeah? Right now, if you asked again, my answer would be the same.” 

Thinking about it briefly, you said, “Still doesn’t count unless there’s a ring, and I never proposed with a ring, so that null and voids it.” 

His eyebrow went up. “In order for a proposal to be valid, a ring is required...?” 

“Yep. Thems the rules. So, we’re not engaged.” 

“Okay. We’re not engaged.” 

Smiling, you replied. “Nope. Oh! Another stipulation.”

“Yes?”

“The proposal is only valid if there’s a ring and you’re the one doing the asking.”

“Anything else?”

“Yeah.” You nodded. “You’ll have to get my father’s blessing to marry me.”

His face paled. 

“You’ve gotta be fucking joking…” he said. 

“Of course, I’m joking! I don’t give a single fuck about his opinion. That was payback for freaking me out.”

“Thank fuck,” he breathed. “Come here.” He beckoned you with the hand, not holding himself up. 

Getting closer, you laid down next to him, his arm pulling you closer to him so you were looking up at his face. He was gazing adoringly into your eyes with a smile, his fingers stroking your cheek. 

The silence was comfortable, dancing your fingertips along his naked side. 

“Thank you for not leaving me,” he finally spoke softly. 

“Never even crossed my mind.” 

“Thank you for loving me.” 

“Always.” 

“Thank you for wanting to be my wife.” 

“Thank you for wanting to be my husband. Really, it’s an honor. I’ll be the woman who bagged Javier Peña.” 

He huffed out a breath. “Yes, you will. Thank you for wanting to have kids with me.” 

“Oh, that’s easy. They’re gonna be cute, and you’ll be an amazing dad.” 

His eyes were a little shinier. 

“I’m happy you think that.” 

“I know that—our bovine children are treated like royalty. You’re gonna spoil the fuck out of our biological babies, and they’ll love you a lot.”

“I hope so.” 

“They will.” 

Lowering his head, he kissed you with so much passion it made your breath catch in your throat, and your heart skip a beat. 

“Cielito?” he murmured into your lips. 

“Yes, Javi?” 

“Can we practice?” 

His question made you smile.

“You want to practice making a baby again?” you asked, knowing that wasn’t what he meant.

“Fucking smartass,” he growled, tickling your ribs, making you laugh while you tried to wiggle away.

Your mouths had broken apart. “Okay, okay, I give,” you panted. Immediately, he stopped his tickle assault. “We can practice.” 

He gave you a big, dimpled smile, quickly kissing you. 

“Spanish or English?” he asked. 

“Dealer’s choice.” 

His face went serious. “No, when you imagine me asking, is it in Spanish or English?” 

“Uh, Spanish?”

“Okay.” 

“But it doesn’t matter,” you quickly added. “Just do what feels right.” 

“It needs to be perfect. Which is why we’re gonna practice,” he said, winking. 

“Uh huh, we’re practicing, and it’s not an excuse for you to ask the question that won’t leave you alone and has made you regret waiting... Nope, you’re not exploiting a convoluted loophole at all...” 

“Yeah, practice. Okay.” He cleared his throat, his big hand cradling your face, his chocolate brown eyes gazing lovingly into yours. “Mi Cielito,” he started, “eres el amor de mi vida, mi media naranja y quiero pasar el resto de mi vida contigo (My Cielito, you are the love of my life, my soulmate, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you). Quiero compartir cada instante de mi vida contigo en las buenas tiempos y en las malas porque somos más fuertes juntos y podemos superar cualquier cosa (I want to share my life with you in good times and bad because we are stronger together and we can overcome anything).” There was no way to stop the tears from forming in your eyes, blurring your vision, getting choked up at what he was saying. “Cuando imagino mi futuro, te veo conmigo, en la casa que construimos, rodeado de nuestros hijos y quiero hacer que eso sea una realidad (When I imagine my future, I see you with me, in the house we built, surrounded by our children, and I want to make that a reality).” He had you crying now, unable to keep the wetness at bay, your cheeks hurting from smiling so big. “Quiero hacer realidad mi sueño y convertirme en tu esposo (I want to make my dream come true and become your husband). Mi Cielito, mi amor, mi vida, ¿me hariás el hombre más feliz del mundo, te casarías conmigo (My Cielito, my love, my life, you’d make me the happiest man in the world, will you  marry me)?”

Nodding your head, laughing through your tears, you answered, “Sí, sí, un millón de veces sí (Yes, yes, a million times yes)!”

His mouth came crashing down to happily claim yours, both of you smiling as you kissed, your hands ending up in the hair at the back of his head. 

“How was it?” he asked between kisses, his palm sliding up and down your belly. 

“Perfect.” 

“The real thing will be better.” 

“Wait, Javi.” 

Immediately, his lips were off of yours, and he looked at you in concern. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“I know you’re still figuring out your plan, and I’m going to love whatever it is, but, um, it’ll need to be done someplace, maybe secluded?” 

“I know you’d hate the attention, so I’m gonna do something intimate.” 

It relieved you to hear that. 

“This is why you get your dick sucked so often.” He chuckled, smiling. “You’re perfect. It wasn’t just because of that…” 

“Okay… What’s the other reason?” 

“Apparently, proposals make me super horny, and I’ll want your dick.” 

“Somewhere secluded.” He nodded. “Whatever my wife wants, she gets.” 

Smiling, you corrected, “Future wife.”

“Still, my wife.” 

He was so stubborn he made your eyes roll. 

“And what will you call me when we’re married?” 

“My wife, and every. Fucking. Person, in this town and anyone else aware of me will know I am your husband.” 

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[oya-oya-okay]

Lydia approaches Shuu hesitantly, holding something gently in her hand.

"So... there was an accident in alchemy class today, and..." Her words drag out, unsure how to explain the situation. It seemed so ridiculous, so unreal, like a prank someone would pull. She shakes her head, knowing that was just how Twisted Wonderland was.

"Floyd... turned Azul... into a marketable plushie." She finishes, holding him out for Shuu to see:

"I know this must seem crazy, but! Professor Crewel said that... true love's kiss... might break the spell." Lydia finishes awkwardly, feeling bad for putting Shuu in this position. She knew that while they weren't a couple, there was something between them, hidden feelings that were more than platonic.

She could only hope that Azul would forgive her for this, having offered to take him to Shuu in Floyd's place.

KYAAAAAA SUPER CUTE😭💕💕💖💖💗

[lesbiandarvey]

please assign each suits character a riverdale character or vice/versa. give each riverdale character a suits character.

and it doesn't have to be like "oh this character is just like this character from this series"/paralleling them, it can also be who you think would be funniest on a long car ride together or who you want to leave in a locked room with a single rolled joint or smth. or it can be character parallels, your choice lmao 💜

FASCINATING!! OKAY!! giggling and kicking my feet at this idea i was thinking about this the whole drive to panera and back,

i think like, harvey/archie right. like theyre vastly different people yeah but theyre both The Heroes of Thier Stories im putting them in the same museum display case together

donna and betty would kill each other within the hour if locked in an escape room together. rachel and ethel are having lunch at pops together.

i feel like veronica herself would fit in effortlessly in the suits universe at pearsom sp[ecter im not even gonna assign her a character im gonna put her at a desk and tell her to go wild. oh wait shit shed be friends with scotty!!!

id looooveee to see what happens when you put jessica and hermoine lodge together what crimes could they come up with

louis is gay kevin and sheila is like moose or something

mike is cole sprouse in a jughead hat.

edger evernever is daniel hardman!!

[lanternlightss]

i hear you are missing the bards so i give you some art inspired by those matching headshots :]

AWAWAA ?? WAH ?! THIS IS SO COOL AND SWEET !!!!!! 🥺

THE WAY BARDS SCARF FALLS AND DRAPS OVER VENTIS SHOULDER. THE LIGHT ILLUMINATING BEHIND BARDS HEAD LIKE A HALO !!? oh the cecilia’s pinned to venti’s own flowy clothing, so pretty, how both of them separate and latch to each other with those clothing too !!!!! what !!! this is amazing, gorgeous ???

the bards !!! they !!!

[boytoyfaun]

12, 14, 50 :)

Answered 12 already 💕

Do you have an outfit that makes you feel sexy? If so, describe it.

I probably feel the most sexy when I'm wearing jeans, and a button up shirt, no bra, so jewelry, and lacy panties

Describe your body as positively as you can.

I am a cute twink with eccentric glasses, and pretty, blue eyes. Not too tall, not too short. With an ass that begs to be slapped.

[shmothman]

J K L NSFW PLZ THX FWEN

I still need to watch Trigun to understand your husband but in the meantime I wanna help you continue to be insane and indulgent 🩵

Ava you’re LITERALLY my hero thank u for enabling me. Also watch Trigun.

SFW/NSFW Alphabet Prompts

(Vash/Reader)

NSFW below the cut. 18+ only.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Whatever the level of experience you see him as having, the vast majority of Vash’s sexual escapades over the past century-plus years have been solo. Most of the time, Vash is honestly too depressed to jack off much—especially during the events of canon—but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t do it; it’s a physical need for him, same as any other (and, unfortunately, he’s prone to self-denial of all of his physical and emotional needs when he’s really down). Still, he sees people he thinks are attractive, and sometimes, he allows himself to want. Carefully, doing his best not to get too hung up on emotion—he knows he can’t have the love that he so badly yearns for—he thinks of them that night, lets himself imagine the hands of the kind bartender, or the smile of the stable hand, dips his fingers between his legs and jolts—it’s been a while, and he’s so sensitive. Even when he tries to draw it out, he can’t last long, and there are usually tears pricking at his eyes by the time that he comes, sticky and tired and, if he’s being honest, sad.

When he meets you though, everything changes. Not only does his sex drive spike wildly (which I’ll save for D), but his fantasies are in overdrive, like he’s making up for over a century of lost time. He just can’t find relief, you wind him up like a coiled spring with the most innocent brush of your hand against his, and he replays it a thousand times that night in his room, muffling himself with a pillow as he strokes himself—slow at first, but losing composure quickly. What he could once emotionally distance himself from he finds himself far too enmeshed in now: he can’t touch himself without imagining your voice saying I love you; saying good boy, and come for me. He imagines your hands, your mouth; imagines himself inside you and it’s too much, always too much—your name on his lips as he falls apart. Vash wants more than he’s ever wanted, and he’s convinced that he can’t allow himself to have it. So this—his fantasies, the things he does as soon as he’s alone—is all he’s going to get.

Until you prove otherwise, of course.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

HO BOY YES. What kinks DOESN’T he have.

Vash’s number one kink is True Love, your pleasure being enough to get him surprisingly close, devoting everything he has to making sure you’re never left wanting. However he can please you, he will; whatever you ask for, he’ll provide. He’s singleminded in his purpose: he simply wants to learn your body as well as he knows his own—perhaps even better—just so he can wring every possible ounce of pleasure from you, every time. He wants to hold your hands as he thrusts into you, wants to mold himself to your body and be one with you in every possible way. He loves you, and that’s the thing that riles him up most of all.

This kink of his is, of course, followed very closely by praise of any kind. Please call him your good boy, tell him how pretty he is, he’s dying; tell him he’s doing so well for you, whether he’s giving or taking, and he’ll combust. And if you praise him for his kindness? His conviction? If you call him amazing and incredible and wonderful? It’s the sweetest validation he can receive—you’re his everything: the kindest, most wonderful person he’s ever met, so if you think he’s good, then there must be a truth to it, right? Puppyplay stems from this, too: he wants to obey you, be good for you, so that you’ll say it to him—the collar’s just a bonus to remind himself that he’s yours.

He also really likes being tied up and teased, edged and denied—well, likes may not be the right word; it’s sweet torture, to have you bring him so close and not let him have it, again and again until he’s sobbing and begging and pleading, binding him and not even letting him touch you. But the buildup is too good, the catharsis in it, the way you so gently wipe his tears and tell him just a little longer, you’ll let him have what he wants soon. He’d let you keep him on that precipice forever, if you wanted to; let you tease him until he can’t think of anything but how much he needs to come, until he can’t think of anything at all. He loves the edge just as much as he loves the release, and he loves the glint of mischief in your eyes most of all; the predatory promise of your smile. Overstimulation goes hand and hand with it all, the dangerous pleasure of I’ll let you come, but then you’re going to keep coming for me until you can’t anymore. It makes him sob and writhe and gasp for air, but oh, it’s such a wonderful sort of too much. By the end of it, he’ll be begging you to stop—though of course he knows he just has to say one little word and you’ll stop immediately.

He isn’t human, and just for fun, I give him a better sense of smell than most: your scent is intoxicating to him, and he’ll breathe you in (discreetly) at every chance he gets. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: vash the stampede sniffs panties. He also likes goofy roleplay: pretending you’ve captured him, or he’s captured you, or you’re meeting for the first time at a seedy bar—though he can’t keep himself from voicing how much he loves you, so staying in character becomes difficult the second that pleasure is involved. He tends toward voyeurism, too—he likes to watch you, especially when you call his name and talk to him, tease him for enjoying the view (and there’s a denial in this, too: he wants so badly to touch you, to be the one brining you all that pleasure). Really, he’s into whatever you’re into, however you want him to touch you: you want to be blindfolded? Tied up? Edged? Tickled? Yes, absolutely, he’s already hard. And, legally, I can’t ignore his canon (in blr) foot fetish. He’ll try to be sly about it but… the man wants to touch ‘em. Sue him. Finally, although it may be controversial, and it’s not my thing so I’m not gonna be the one to explore this further… I think he’d be kinda into cucking.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Call him a bit vanilla, but he prefers your bed. Especially if you live together, have a home to return to that’s yours—he will carry you there so proudly and happily every single night, and there’s truly no place he’d rather be. Until then, though, your room at the inn, or wherever you’re staying, is perfect for him—it’s just the two of you, and he likes being able to let go and be noisy, to lay you down and really look at you and take things slow.

This isn’t to say he won’t fuck you wherever you want him to, though—couch, floor, against the wall, bent over the table, outside under the stars in your sleeping bag… even in a closet, if need be. If you get him riled up enough, he’ll take you just about anywhere (though he isn’t much for public or semi-public sex, and he’d much prefer to drag you somewhere more private).

[catboyloghain]

6, 33, 84 !!

6. Just Fucking Let Me Love You by Lowen

33. The Kintsugi Kid (Ten Years) by Fall Out Boy

84. Flu Game by Fall Out Boy

[deeva-arud]

Oh no! all this interest in Deeva has motivated Azul to start a new business

[theflyingfeeling]

Laura: Talks about how she joked with others in Gdansk how Aleksi would react if he would read fanfiction and find out that he is always the one getting hurt (“yes yes shiping with my bandmates alright BUT WHY DO YOU ALL WANT TO HURT ME??”)

Jess: writes this: ".... now i'm imagining aleksi going up to olli at 3am with a sad face, phone in hand, going "you always go on cute dates with tommi, why do they always just hurt me :(“ and this: “aleksi why are you reading fanfic of yourself going on dates? are you feeling lonely? should we go on a friend date? oh shit--" *_olli grabbing a bat to chase away the feelings he's realising he has_*”

Me: Is board at work and writes this:

Aleksi throws away the iPad angrily and lets out a frustrated huff. Olli, his roommate for the night, looks up from his poetry book. "What's up, Ale?" he asks curiously.

"Niko sent me another fanfiction and again I am the one getting hurt. Why always me?? Joel gets cuddles, Niko is the Boss, Joonas gets lucky and you and Tommi always go on cute dates. Why am I always the one with a tragic backstory and a broken heart? Why can't I be the one who gets to go on a cute date with you?"

"Do you want to?" 

Aleksi freezes. Fuck. Did he really say that last part out loud? Did he really utter out his biggest wish, his deepest secret that he swore he would take with him to the grave, out loud? For the whole world to hear? And on top of that right in front of the person he crushes on for God knows how long. 

His mind is going a million miles per second while the rest of his body is in shock and frozen.

Suddenly he feels a warm hand on his body and a finger under his chin. Aleksi looks up and sees that it is Olli, who has put down his book on the couch and has come over to sit down in front of him on the bed. Their eyes meet and Aleksi can see a hint of fear in Ollis' eyes. But also hope. And love? 

"Do you want to?" Olli repeats his question. "Do you want to go on a date with me? I promise it will be just like in the movies. Or like in the fanfictions."

"Ye-ye-yes" Aleksi stammels. His mouth suddenly dry. His heart beating fast and praying that this was real and not a dream or some kind of sick joke. "Do you want to?" he asks Olli to make sure his friend was really meaning it and not offering it out of pity.

Instead of answering, Olli leans forward and softly presses his lips on Aleksis. "Does that answer your question?”

Hope you like it. I am sorry your week wasn’t the best🥺🥺. You are such a kind and wonderful and intelligent person. You deserve so much better🫂❤️‍🩹. May this little snipped from Delulu Land be a warm and soft blanket to tuck you in and make you forget your worries for a second🩷

omg what is thiiiiiiiiiiss 🥺 Aleksi you silly silly boy, Olli will take you on a date that is SO much better than all those fanfics in which you get hurt or cheat on your gf oops sorry

thank you so much, you're so sweet?? 🥹

[therentyoupay]

wip tag game

Rules: Reveal the titles of the documents in your WIP folder and tag as many people as there are documents. Let others ask questions about the ones that interest them and post snippets or explain the contents as you see fit!

tagged by @aicosu! thank youuuuuu ✨✨✨✨

snow globe. jelsa. frozen x rotg. ao3.

status: part ii i ending up longer than i expected!!! it might end up being 12,000 or so words, and it’s currently on 8,000ish. phase: part ii of ii. next chapter: 85% written.

that one night. tahnorra. lok. ao3. ( → transferred from ffnet)

status: one of the top priorities! however, i think that part of me will also want to continue to work on this one while i dissertate, given that it’s a huge part of tahno and korra’s shared experiences. 😂 regular updates forthcoming! phase: final arc. 124/150. next chapter: 95% written.

technical difficulties. love!square. mlb. ao3.

status: hoping to finish in 2024! phase: final arc. next chapter: 35% written.

at the center. jelsa. frozen x rotg. ao3.

status: not currently writing… but always thinking about. 😉 my true love will be finished!!! one day 😂 phase: final arc. next chapter: 45% written. remainder of story: bits and pieces prepped and fully planned! 💕 thank you for your patience! 😘

here are all the current WIPs that have my attention!! (in addition to my doctoral dissertation 💕). always feel free to check out my fic status tracker on my website. ♡🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🙏💕✨

tagging:

@dragonsinparis

@sunshinemellow-fic

@blackestfaery

@kanamesharisenwrites

@callimara

@renaerys

anyone else who wants to join in! ✨

[jtownraindancer]

... I know you know I'm gonna say BURN GORMAN lolll that is how I came across your blog and also I remember being *very* impressed by your archive. So yeah :) You are the Burn Gorman Blog™️ to me

Me, trying to explain Burn Gorman:

Asdfghjkl for real though thank youuuuuuu ♡

Plenty more of Matchstick Man to come~

[writingmysanity]

4, 13, 23 ❤️

JAMS hello darling!!🤗💜 how are you, my friend??! Thank you for sending in!

#4 what flower would you like to be given?

Jasmine. Theyre my absolute favorite. They're tiny but so pretty and they smell AMAZING.

#13 what is you comfort food?

Hmmm, kimchi-jjigae! It's so warm and filling, and the flavors just make me feel like when it's raining outside and you're curled up in a blanket with a good book and cup of tea.

#23 what is your favorite piece of clothing?

Clothing? Hmm, I have this jacket I've had since high school. Instead of saying ambercrobie and Fitch, it says "ambercrabbie and fish" with crabs and fish on it. I got it up in Alaska!

Ask game here