#thank you to those two people who fueled my delusions | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gay-dorito-dust · 8 months ago

Note

YOOO I SEE U FELLOW UNUS ANUSER🫵🫵 i fucking love ur works keep at it bestie pls feed our delusions😫😫

may i ask for, dan heng, blade and jing yuan with a sweet and kind s/o but the moment theyre (the characters) are talked to in a disrespectful way, s/o is immediately turning into a guard dog with a “i’ll tear out your guts with my hand showed down your throat”? idk i just love feral but also gentle s/o tropes so much😔

Thank you 🫵 my fellow Unus Anuser for the ask and enjoying my writings, despite me thinking half of them could be better but I’m not going to complain if ppl enjoy them regardless.

Dan Heng:

He’s taken aback by your sudden threats of violence towards a random pedestrian for intentionally bumping into him.

He was more use to Caelus rummaging through trash cans before waxing poetry about them and whenever March 7th going off on her own as it was expected of their characters.

You however? His sweetheart, his precious jewel and beloved partner? It was extremely unexpected. Dan Heng had to physically stop you from actually fulfilling your threat by holding you against him before putting a good deal of distance between you and the rude individual.

He’s not against you defending his honour, he just doesn’t want you engaging in fights with random people just because they said something about him that you didn’t like. He didn’t want you to stoop to their level and become like them, no matter how good your reasonings for doing so may be. Dan Heng just wants you to be better than them and not give them the reaction that they needed to fuel their own narratives.

That and Dan Heng knew that you could easily kick their ass but he didn’t felt like dealing with being chased by the authorities for unprovoked acts of violence. However some exceptions can be made to this but Dan Heng would much rather that you kept out of trouble, just for his sake and his sanity as he didn’t want to make breaking you out of jail a reoccurring thing.

Jing Yuan:

His interest is peaked.

Who’d knew that someone as sweet and kind as you had such a vicious side, waiting to come out.

Jing Yuan didn’t care for much what others said about him, but having you come to his defence without hesitation had him smiling with pride. His reputation precedes him wherever he went, so naturally he wasn’t going to be easily intimidated by senseless yapping of others, especially those who had not even the slightest clue of the things he’s put himself through in order to get where he was.

While Jing Yuan appreciates your need to stick up for him, he didn’t think it was necessary for you to waste your time and energy on those who lack the capacity to listen to a voice that wasn’t their own.

‘Always pick your battles wisely my dear,’ he said all the while looking at the person who insulted him dead in the eye with that half asleep expression of his, ‘for most aren’t worth fighting in.’ He finishes before gently pulling you by the waist and walking away.

Blade:

He had an inkling that there was more to you than meets the eye. However he didn’t expect someone who went out of their way to feed stray kittens and puppies, patch up his wounds despite knowing he could heal, would ever spout such detailed threats towards another person.

He didn’t give two shits about what people said about him that he hasn’t heard before, he had long grown immune to ignore the comments from those who didn’t know him nor his past. Yet he couldn’t help but revel in the look of surprise on the persons face the words left your lips, chuckling softly at the countless possible thoughts that must be running through their head in that moment.

It was always the sweetest people that everyone was the least suspicious about, it was near enough impossible to fathom that they were capable of hurting anyone.

A wolf in sheep’s clothing is what described you best in this moment as Blade watched you with new found interest. He found this side of you rather exciting and wanted nothing more than to help you hone in on this side of you and use it to your advantage; Yet he found another part of himself wanting to be the one inciting violence, as he refuses you to tread the same path he did, he wouldn’t allow it.

After all he was the weapon.

He was the one stained in the blood of others.

He was the one that inflicted pain onto others and himself and it was something he will continue to do until death was finally granted to him in whatever form that may be. Blade will refuse you from ever embracing that side of yourself if it meant sending you on a projectory much like his own.

You were his light in the dark for a reason and while it was reassuring to know that you had what it took to fight back, Blade would much rather be the one to fight instead and to be the one to keep your hands clean of blood and violence overall.

622 notes · View notes

nickssidewitch · 5 months ago

Text

💖🌟 Very, Very Important Note about My Blog:

While it’s nice to fantasize about the could-be’s with your favorite creators, artists, influencers, etc., you still have to snap back to reality every now and then. Writing fan-fiction, keeping up with your favorite celebs/creators on every platform, going to every live show, and even interacting with tarot/psychic/astrology pages can easily get someone wrapped up in a space of fantasy, which isn’t a bad thing unless you make that fantasy disturb the reality.

This is a good segue into the main point of this post: This page is not meant to confirm or deny definite & certain situations. It is for entertainment and educational purposes of tarot/spirituality/astrology only.

More below 👇🏾👇🏾!!

To be specific, I hope you guys are not asking me about a potential romantic/platonic relationship that you can have with the triplets (or anyone) to fuel your parasocial relationships into obsessive behaviors and mindsets. That is not healthy! I’m answering your asks from the perspective of an analyst: someone who analyzes your energy, someone who analyzes the triplets’ (or any other creator) energies, and simply compares the two energies to see if they blend well or not. I am not predicting that you will or won’t be with the triplets romantically or even platonically. This is purely just energy-based channeling of compatibility! That’s all I will ever do! The only things I will ever do as a more serious or definite prediction regarding any sort of relationship between you and the triplets is if you will ever meet them or not, whether it be on tour, at some meet-and-greet, or any situation like that.

Again, I will never ever tell anyone that they will definitely be in a relationship with anyone. That would create illusions and false promises of a future that will never happen, and I would absolutely never lie to anyone on here! That’s not good for the soul and is bad karma!

This is all in good fun and entertainment with a hint of education on the spiritual world, and every reading or channeling I do is simply only based off of yours and their energies. I do not know the triplets personally, nor do I know you all personally. I only use energy, which is never linear or definite unless the energy is confirmed by the persons I’m reading about in some way.

Doing readings on the triplets is all fun, and is all just based on their energies and the information that their spirit guides are okay with me providing. I’m sort of a spiritual middleman in a sense, a spiritual translator is some ways as well. That’s why I’m so particular with the questions and asks I do answer, because some of those questions are things that their spirit guides block for me in order to protect that aspect of their energies and also so that certain information is not made public. The posts I make on who their future partners are, what their love languages are, etc., are all energy-based and are sometimes subject to change depending on their personal life journeys and energy shifts! Their guides have happily given me the okay to share that information during readings because they trust it’s going to the right place and is not going to be skewed by me.

Please, please, please remember to be kind to your bodies, minds, and souls. Your next life will appreciate the thought and care you put into this one! Don’t get yourself wrapped up in fantasy and delusion to the point where it can harm you or the people around you. It’s okay the have fun and fantasize; just do not internalize anything. Please.

If you have any questions about my spiritual processes as well as spirituality, please don’t hesitate to ask!! And if you would like me to clarify anything in this post, please ask me to clarify them! Sometimes I doubt my articulation skills, so I’m hoping people can really comprehend what I’m saying! 🤞🏾😭

I love you all so much! Thank you for the support of this page and your support of me personally! You all deserve a big, warm hug and some freshly baked cookies of whatever flavors you enjoy! 🥰💖🫂🍪✨

-Kiki 🤍✨

#nickssidewitch #sturniolo triplets #nickssidewitch tarot #matt sturniolo #chris sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nickssidewitch astro

26 notes · View notes

ihavenothingtodo10220 · 11 months ago

Note

Hi I want a compatibility reading 🥹🤍🥺with hyunjin [skz] including NSFW…

I wanna send my whole chart and synastry if it is okey…

Thanks💋…

Synastry the blue is me the orange is him:

Love health and peace🤍🐈🎀

Thank you so much for all the details!

Sun Sign Compatibility

The sign you use for your daily horoscope represents your identity. That sign is your sun sign. If sun signs are compatible, there’s a positive energy surrounding the relationship. Your vibes flow as one, and you’re naturally attracted to each other’s personalities, making you a perfect match. So that's what we'll be starting with.

Compatibility

Pisces and Pisces are a match made in heaven. They're both deeply sensitive and emotional and who can understand those aspects better than other Pisces? Not only do they instantly validate each other's feelings and needs, but they also have a shared love of art and beauty, so it won't be uncommon to find them teaming up on a creative project in their spare time. They can both be wildly romantic, creating an atmosphere that is full of gentle passion.

As already mentioned, Pisces are incredibly sensitive and compassionate. This makes them not only great listeners and problem-solvers but also sympathetic partners. They are often willing to work through any issues that arise and are perpetually eager to compromise to please their partner. However, Pisces also tend to over-introspect, meaning they can get stuck in their own heads and lose sight of reality in favor of fantasy; two Pisces must help each other stay grounded by engaging with the world around them and making an effort not to retreat into Dreamland together too often, or for too long. But that...Is much easier said than done. Much, MUCH easier said than done. I can definitely see you two fueling each other's daydreams and delusions, and even pushing them farther. Either that, or getting aggravated by each other's daydreams and delusions which would stir conflict between you.

In addition to being open-minded and flexible, Pisces is immensely imaginative. This makes them great innovators since they have the tendency to think outside of the box, and they won’t be afraid to approach a relationship from a more unconventional perspective. Lastly, Pisces are likely to be truly devoted when it comes to a romantic bond, and they will always put their partner's needs first, they are perfectly willing to change their life for their partner if it means staying together and making them happy. While this makes them wonderful people to rely on in any situation, putting your partner’s needs before your own can also result in built-up resentment or frustration. So, both Pisces in this pairing need to make sure to take care of themselves.

Pisces can easily become too sensitive in a relationship. A simple comment they think is negative can lead them to feeling overwhelmed or anxious, and if their partner is having a bad day, their day could be ruined too, since they are constantly taking on the emotional burdens of others. That can make conflicts catastrophic, and simple problems can get blown out of proportion. For example, one pisces may feel hurt by an off-handed statement, and get emotional about it. The other will respond to the emotionalness, and the first pisces may say something to hurt the other partner, so now they're both hurt and emotional and they're both very reactive, so it'll quickly spiral out of control. Acknowledge each other's feelings, but don't take them too seriously or internalize them. In order to avoid codependency (something Pisces is prone to), both partners should take breaks from each other and pursue their own interests. Maintaining their own unique, individual identity will be crucial for any Pisces who enters into a relationship.

Pisces have a tendency to be overly trusting. This can sometimes lead them into difficult situations where they get taken advantage of. On the other hand, people close to a Pisces may also find that this sign is too idealistic or impractical a lot of the time, leading them to expect more from their lover or anyone else close to them than is possible or fair. If they both expect too much of one another, they'll easily both feel stifled, and soon that can also lead to problems, as they both feel immense pressure from it.

Pisces are skilled at avoiding conflict, but this can lead to underlying issues that never get addressed. Two Pisces in a partnership will have to push themselves to talk openly about problems or disagreements in order to keep things healthy. Still, while all of these qualities may make a Pisces-Pisces relationship challenging at times, it doesn’t necessarily mean they should jump ship for a grounded Capricorn or Taurus when the going gets tough. This love match can be an incredible ride with proper communication and patience. And without it?

Don't worry about that.

(It'll be a shit show. An entertaining shit show, yes. A real housewives level shit show, yes. But a shit show. A shit show you should probably televise.)

Moon Compatibility

The moon governs your inner needs and desires. What you hope to achieve in a relationship emotionally and long-term can be found by looking at the characteristics of your moon sign. If you share the same moon sign as your partner, you're soulmates basically. I'm about to get poetic here.

Compatibility

The Virgo moon, like fertile earth, nurtures the crops and trees, providing sustenance for the people. The Libra moon, a gentle breeze, gracefully stirs the leaves upon those very trees. Air, in its ethereal form, seeks to traverse the land, while the soil anchors it in place. At first glance, these two moons appear akin, both desiring a harmonious flow. The Virgo moon, ever willing to aid the indecisive Libra moon, receives gratitude for its service. Yet, it is the Libra moon that strides forward, basking in glory, while the Virgo moon carries the burden, tending to the details, preparing the way.

Libra moon, valuing equality above all, fails to perceive the inequality within this relationship. Behind closed doors, perhaps, balance is struck. Yet, in the public eye, Virgo moon seems content to play second fiddle to Libra moon. All believe Libra to be beautiful, good, smart, funny, and great... while Virgo moon often goes unnoticed. Alone, Virgo moon stands, small and pitied, forever lost in the shadow. In the circles they orbit, Virgo moon is valued and desired, but eclipsed by the radiance of Libra moon. Thus, Virgo moon remains just that, a moon, unappreciated like the sun, denied its own radiance, extinguished long ago.

Virgo moon and Libra moon may join in matrimony. Libra moon, likely attaining its desires, while Virgo moon ensures their fulfillment. Libra moon, unless directly confronted with wrongdoing, assumes all is well, oblivious to any discord. Virgo moon voices complaints, offering solutions, yet hesitant to act. Libra moon perceives discontent and attempts to rectify, but only with assurance of unanimous approval. They march to their own rhythm, expecting unwavering compliance. Content in their conviction.

Over time, Virgo moon grows resentful of Libra moon's charms, becoming manipulative in turn. Crafting circumstances ever so subtly in their favor, orchestrating expenses, household matters, and working late, until their partner becomes dependent upon them. Libra moon possesses the power to instill emotional bewilderment, subtly turning others against their loved ones. Together, these two moons, at their darkest, wage a silent war, bound in a tumultuous union, vying for dominance.

In matters of intimacy, Virgo moon finds solace, embracing sensuality wholeheartedly. It seeks a sanctuary, a sanctuary where vulnerability is embraced, and physical pleasure is savored. Meanwhile, Libra moon indulges in the act of lovemaking for the sheer enjoyment it brings, reveling in the knowledge that others find them desirable. Virgo moon, reverent and attentive, discovers the precise ways to touch and caress Libra moon, evoking ecstasy within their being. Grateful, Libra moon acknowledges Virgo moon's prowess.

However, therein lies the predicament. Libra moon does not reciprocate in kind, assuming the role of the "pillow princess," inviting Virgo moon to do all the work while they luxuriate in adoration. Yet, Virgo moon yearns for the physical love to be returned, longing for the tender touch of Libra moon. If Libra moon reaches climax first, it turns away, surrendering to slumber. Virgo moon, gentle and non-confrontational, lacks the assertiveness to claim what it desires. It is not the passionate hero of Libra moon's fantasies, leaving both moons unsatisfied and frustrated.

Venus and Mars Compatibility

Overlapping planetary alignments could mean you’re meant to be together. Venus is the Goddess of Love, whereas Mars is the God of War. Together, these planets represent the battle of love and relationships. Notice what houses these planets rest in on your charts. If your Venus is in the house where your partner’s Mars is (or vice versa), this could mean you’re star-crossed lovers.

Aries Venus & Aries Mars

The Aries Venus individual, with their strong sense of self and independent nature, seeks a partner who can match their intensity and keep up with their adventurous spirit. They are attracted to boldness, confidence, and a touch of unpredictability. Their Venus in Aries signifies a passionate and assertive approach to love, where they are not afraid to make the first move or fight for what they desire.

On the other hand, the Aries Mars individual embodies the warrior spirit, always ready to conquer challenges and take charge. With their Mars in Aries, they possess an assertive and action-oriented energy, seeking a partner who can match their drive and engage in spirited debates. They are attracted to partners who can challenge them intellectually and keep their fiery energy ignited.

When these two fiery planets align, their dynamic is electrifying. They understand each other's need for independence and freedom, allowing them to pursue their individual goals while supporting each other's ambitions. Their relationship is marked by passion, enthusiasm, and a shared desire for adventure. Together, they form a power couple that can conquer any obstacle in their path.

However, it's important to note that their compatibility is not without its challenges. The intense energy of both Aries Venus and Aries Mars can sometimes lead to power struggles and clashes of ego. Both individuals have a strong desire for control and may find it difficult to compromise. It is crucial for them to find a balance between their individual needs and the needs of the relationship.

To maintain a harmonious connection, it is essential for both Aries Venus and Aries Mars to cultivate patience, understanding, and open communication. They should embrace their shared passion but also learn to temper their fiery impulses to avoid conflicts. By channeling their energy towards common goals, they can create a powerful and unstoppable force.

In summary, the compatibility between an Aries Venus and Aries Mars is a thrilling and passionate union. Their shared fire ignites a deep connection, filled with adventure, passion, and a mutual understanding of each other's desires. However, they must navigate potential power struggles and ego clashes to maintain a harmonious relationship. With mutual respect and open communication, they can create a dynamic partnership that stands the test of time.

Aquarius Mars & Pisces Venus

The individual with an Aquarius Mars possesses a unique and unconventional approach to action and assertiveness. They are driven by their need for independence, intellectual stimulation, and a desire to make a positive impact on the world. Their Mars in Aquarius signifies a strong inclination towards innovation, social justice, and a rebellious spirit.

On the other hand, the individual with a Pisces Venus is guided by their romantic and empathetic nature. They are attracted to deep emotional connections, artistic expression, and a sense of spiritual connection in their relationships. With their Venus in Pisces, they exude a gentle, dreamy, and compassionate energy, seeking a partner who can understand and appreciate their sensitive nature.

When these two energies come together, their dynamic is a blending of intellect, compassion, and a shared vision for a better world. The Aquarius Mars individual is intrigued by the Pisces Venus individual's depth of emotion and creativity, while the Pisces Venus individual is captivated by the Aquarius Mars individual's intellectual pursuits and their ability to think outside the box.

Their compatibility is based on their mutual appreciation for each other's unique qualities. The Aquarius Mars individual brings a sense of adventure and intellectual stimulation to the relationship, while the Pisces Venus individual provides a deep emotional connection and a touch of magic. Together, they can create a harmonious balance between the intellectual and emotional realms, fostering a relationship that is both thought-provoking and deeply nurturing.

However, it is important to acknowledge that challenges may arise in this pairing. The Aquarius Mars individual's inclination towards independence and detachment may clash with the Pisces Venus individual's desire for emotional closeness and security. The Pisces Venus individual may feel overwhelmed by the Aquarius Mars individual's intellectual pursuits, seeking a more grounded and emotionally present partner.

To overcome these challenges, both individuals must cultivate open and honest communication. The Aquarius Mars individual needs to be mindful of the Pisces Venus individual's emotional needs, providing reassurance and support. Conversely, the Pisces Venus individual can encourage the Aquarius Mars individual to embrace their emotions and develop a deeper connection.

In summary, the compatibility between an Aquarius Mars and a Pisces Venus is a unique blend of intellectual stimulation and emotional depth. Their dynamic is characterized by a mutual fascination for each other's distinct qualities. While challenges may arise due to differences in emotional expression and need for independence, with open communication and understanding, they can create a unique and harmonious bond that allows both individuals to grow and evolve together.

Lunar nodes

These points can tell you if your paths were meant to cross. Lunar nodes are not signs but tey're points showing the moon’s orbit. There are two nodes—southern and northern—represented on your birth chart by an axis. The south node portrays your past. The north node predicts your future.

South node

The Aquarius South Node signifies a previous incarnation filled with visionary thinking, innovation, and a pioneering spirit. On the other hand, the Virgo South Node represents a past life characterized by practicality, meticulousness, and a strong sense of service.

In their current connection, these individuals bring with them the wisdom and experiences of their previous incarnations. Their compatibility rests upon the interplay of their contrasting energies. The Aquarius South Node person, with their innovative and unconventional nature, can inspire the Virgo South Node person to step outside their comfort zone and embrace new perspectives. In turn, the Virgo South Node person can ground the Aquarius South Node person, offering practicality and attention to detail.

However, it is essential to recognize that challenges may arise due to their differing approaches. The Aquarius South Node person may sometimes find the Virgo South Node person's meticulousness and attention to detail stifling, while the Virgo South Node person may struggle with the Aquarius South Node person's need for freedom and independence. These differences can create friction if not addressed with understanding and open communication.

To foster a harmonious dynamic, both individuals should embrace the opportunity for growth and learning. The Aquarius South Node person can encourage the Virgo South Node person to think outside the box and explore unconventional solutions to problems. Meanwhile, the Virgo South Node person can support the Aquarius South Node person by providing stability and practical guidance. Together, they can create a synergy that blends innovation and practicality, resulting in a dynamic and fulfilling partnership.

North Node

The Leo North Node person is destined to embrace their radiant and creative self-expression, to shine brightly in the world and lead with passion. They are driven by a desire to be seen, recognized, and admired for their unique talents. On the other hand, the Pisces North Node person is on a journey of spiritual growth, seeking to dissolve boundaries and connect with a higher sense of compassion and empathy.

In their connection, these two souls bring together the energies of self-assuredness and compassion. The compatibility between them lies in the potential for a beautiful dance of contrasting qualities. The Leo North Node person can inspire the Pisces North Node person to embrace their individuality, teaching them the power of self-confidence and self-expression. In turn, the Pisces North Node person can guide the Leo North Node person towards a deeper understanding of empathy, intuition, and spiritual connection.

However, challenges may arise as they navigate their differences. The Leo North Node person's desire for attention and recognition may at times overshadow the more introspective nature of the Pisces North Node person. The Pisces North Node person, being sensitive and intuitive, may find it challenging to fully understand and appreciate the Leo North Node person's need for self-expression and validation.

To cultivate a harmonious dynamic, both individuals must embrace the lessons their North Nodes offer. The Leo North Node person can learn from the Pisces North Node person's gentle nature, developing a deeper sense of empathy and compassion. Meanwhile, the Pisces North Node person can encourage the Leo North Node person to temper their self-centered tendencies and consider the emotional needs of others.

True compatibility between these individuals requires a delicate balance of self-expression and empathy, as well as an openness to spiritual growth. Establishing clear communication and fostering an environment of understanding will be paramount in navigating potential conflicts. Together, they have the potential to create a dynamic partnership that combines the power of self-assurance with the wisdom of compassion.

Sexual Compatibility

Hyunjin, with his Pisces Sun, Virgo Moon, and Pisces Venus, possesses an enchanting blend of sensitivity, practicality, and boundless imagination. His Piscean energy infuses his intimate encounters with a dreamy and romantic essence. His Virgo Moon adds a touch of meticulousness and a desire for perfection, ensuring that every moment shared with his partner is filled with attention to detail and a commitment to satisfying their needs.

In matters of passion, Hyunjin's Aries Mars ignites a fiery intensity within him, eager to explore his desires and assert his desires with confidence and enthusiasm. This potent combination of Piscean sensitivity and Aries passion creates a dynamic and captivating energy that draws his partner into a world of adventure and excitement.

As we turn our attention towards you, with your Pisces Sun, Libra Moon, and Aries Venus, we find a fellow Piscean spirit resonating with Hyunjin's essence. Your Pisces Sun mirrors his dreamy nature, fostering an immediate understanding and a deep emotional connection. The Libra Moon adds a touch of harmony and a longing for balance, ensuring that your sexual encounters are not only physically pleasurable but also emotionally fulfilling and nurturing.

With your Aries Venus, the spark of passion within you ignites, matching Hyunjin's intensity and infusing your connection with a fiery and adventurous spirit. Together, you create a potent blend of sensitivity, harmony, and passion, embarking on a journey of exploration and self-discovery within the realms of intimacy.

When it comes to sexual compatibility, your nodal energies bring a sense of balance and growth to your union. Hyunjin's analytical nature complements your desire for self-expression, fostering a dynamic and evolving sexual connection where both partners can learn from each other and grow together.

As we figure out your sexual compatibility, it's important to acknowledge the influence of Lilith, the mysterious and often misunderstood celestial body. Hyunjin's Capricorn Black Lilith and your Libra Black Lilith add a touch of intensity and primal desire to your connection. These energies awaken a raw and passionate side within both of you, encouraging you to explore your deepest desires and embrace the shadowy depths of your sensuality.

Together, Hyunjin and You, with your intertwining energies, would have a mix of sensitivity, passion, and growth. Your shared Piscean essence forms a profound emotional connection, while the fiery sparks of Aries fuel your desires.

Overview

The two of you are very compatible on paper, though in practice? Very high chance of crashing and burning. Either it'll be really really good, or really really bad. There'll definitely be some challenges to overcome, but in the end, i'd say you can be very good together!

#astrology #astrology observations #hyunjin #hyunjin boyfriend #hyunjin relationship #hyunjin astrology #skz #skz astrology #stray kids #compatibility and personality #hyunjin compatibility #astrology compatibility #skz compatibility

10 notes · View notes

keiraxlucy · 2 years ago

Note

So here are some reasons why I think they are still together and I think we can all agree it’s looking quite good with all the content we have been getting🤭

1. Lucy posting twice in a row with Keira and K commented and reposted. You wouldn’t post your ex on your instagram for everyone to see it

2. Sharing clothes, bags and shoes. Exes do not do this

3. Seems like Lucy was wearing bracelet K made when she had this power house project

4. They were around each other basically all the time after they got the trophy and took pics with the trophies, that got posted by L - thanks to all the people who filmed these moments

5. After party for the Liga f celebrations - you can see them sitting on the same table and on the pic Lucy is standing behind K

6. Keira comforting Lucy when she looked a bit down

7. Hanging out with Demi, her fiancee and their child + Demi and her fiancee posting pics of themselves with K and L

8. The international kiss day video - no way you would do this with your ex

9. The camp nou video when they were promoting the game and K jumped on Lucy’s back

10. The way Lucy looked at k when she got her POTM at Wembley in April

11. In general, they are often around each other after games (especially the game in mid march but they are with each other basically after every game)

12. Lucy always mentions Keira in interviews, even if she doesn’t get asked about Keira

13. Lucy showing a picture of Keira in an interview that she sent to Sarina in February

14. Tracy likes many tweets about Lucy and she commented under Narla’s post recently

15. In December, Tracy liked a tweet about K and L and how happy they seem at Barca

16. I think it’s possible that Lucy took the picture of K, Leah, G and ellie that G posted

17. Watching the World Cup together

18. Basically every time they are next to each other, they smile big at each other, giggle a lot and talk to each other

19. In December after L scored the winning goal last minute, L put her hands on K‘s arm and hand and held her

20. The way they look at each other

21. A family member commented under Lucy’s surgery post and under the posts with the of to the final

22. Lucy posted a story for K’s first goal at Barca

23. Lucy put K twice in her 2022 recap

24. Barca posted a pic of K with the caption KW on the 30th of December and L liked it

So here are a ´few´ reasons why I think they are still together. Obviously I don’t know but I think there are so many signs pointing to it and we all know how much they care about their privacy and after the euros, everything got crazy and they got tagged in weird edits and stuff like that and privacy seems to be really important for them. And exes do not act like the way those two do even if you break up on good terms, cause a like that break up hurts like hell

Anyway, I hope you all liked my little rant:)

Thank you for sending this in anon I love it, really fuels my hopes (or delusions? 🫣). Agree with all the stuff about privacy and they definitely deserve for those boundaries to be respected, but also agree about the breakup thing - I find it so hard to believe that exes would be doing some of these things, so quite often I look at it from that perspective instead. I try not go crazy about the little things on here (I know I completely fail at it, I know) but I would also like to add to the list:

K putting her hand on L's arm to get something off her shoe after winning the league (I know it was a small thing but it just seemed so natural, she didn't ask and L didn't really react, and I don't really think you'd be that comfortable with an ex of such a long relationship??)

K trying to get L to dance after winning the Brazil game

In the Camp Nou locker room vs Chelsea when there was a space set up for L and her crutches next to K (I know that doesn't indicate much but I thought it was cute 😅)

Also sorry for taking so long to reply to this I know you sent it in almost straight away but some things came up 🫶

2 notes · View notes

girltomboy · 1 year ago

Text

Having a pretty sweet and relaxing time at my parents' house. Taking some time off to visit them was a good idea. Their new house looks and feels lovely, although the yard/fence/general exterior are not yet totally finished (obviously the interior was a priority so they can move in lol) which was a bit disappointing because I expected to spend a lot of time sitting outside in the sun 😭 but those are just my own selfish delusions, the weather is gloomy anyway so the best option is to sit inside and revel in the comfort and safety of the house. I thrifted a cute Sailor Moon hoodie (I've never watched Sailor Moon lmao) and a sweatshirt in the exact shade of blue I've been looking for. I also got a pretty & comfy wind jacket in a sky blue shade, a Minolta vintage film camera that only cost me 6 euros, and some modelling clay (been wanting to make a little hamster for my coworker 😁). I miss hanging out with my boyfriend for hours - lack of privacy is preventing me from doing that, but I'm having a nice time with my parents too.

I've been having these super weird dreams ever since I got here, literally every night. And not to sound weird, but hear me out: I think it's because of the mirror that's facing the bed in my parents' new extra bedroom. Like, I did read a lot about room arrangement and how the mirror placement will influence the mood of the room, but that didn't really apply to me much, because there was also a mirror hanging on the wall facing my bed in my childhood bedroom, AND one "behind" the bed, and that hasn't caused me any weird sleep experiences. Maybe the two mirrors facing each other and sandwiching the bed cancel out the bad feng shui? BUT I also have a mirror facing my bed at my apartment, and generally I'm fine, save for a few weird dreams every now and then. That's just me and my brain. But here my dreams have been wild and weird ever since I arrived lol. And a lot of them are related to the things I see and read during the day - unusual for me. Normally my dreams are super random.

Anyway, enough about sleep and dreams. Today in my waking hours I will be reading, maybe doodling a bit, rummaging through some boxes and bags for my old college stuff - books, notebooks, and other objects, and also going outside to chill. I realized I barely went outside ever since I got here (the absence of a fence will do that) and I briefly walked to the back of my parents' yard this morning while on a call with my bf, and it was pretty pleasant, especially thanks to the walnut tree that shed a lot of leaves and basically created this bed of leaves curtained by the bare branches hanging low. It was so cozy and fresh.

Btw my parents went to church and returned saying my aunt asked about me, so I told them she should come over (no one came to visit ever since they finished the house, which is bizarre; apparently my stepdad's brother and his wife - my aunt - were taken aback by how similar it looks to their own house, which is true to an extent, but it feels like such a petty reason to refuse a visit to your BROTHER'S NEW HOUSE, considering you are supposedly on good terms no beef? 💀) and my parents were like "No, you should come to church this afternoon". I reminded them that I don't have any "nice" (AKA acceptable by the church's unspoken & unwritten superficial standards 😛) clothes here, to which they (my mom) replied "then wear your jeans"??? Lmao I mean in any other context this would be reasonable, I've seen people come to church in casual clothing and it's a normal thing for someone who just wants to go to church, it should be common practice. But unfortunately the people in this church turn attendance into a fashion show & contest, gossip fuel, and ego stroking party. And I really don't want to gather like any attention whatsoever from anyone there tbh. And there's also this tiny detail called ummm I don't want to go 👁️👄👁️ so yeah terrible idea. I told them I don't feel comfortable with that suggestion, so they dropped it for now. So I'm just gonna go about my day.

#gaining some weight has helped me grow out of all the church clothes i still had here 💪#and im also sexier like win win win wins on all fronts here

0 notes

gracefullou · 1 year ago

Note

you are not as nice as the other blogs are to the h*rries, l*rries, 1d*ckrries with their fucking stupid questions and fake concern for louis.

and i THANK YOU for that! 🤍❤️💛💖💚💜🧡🩵♥️🤍

Idk what this is about but you're welcome 🥰❤️. Honestly, they make it so easy for me with the way they prove me right everyday 😭. Like i personally believe if you are a fan of that man, you don't really love Louis, at least not like louies do and not like he deserves bc with the way that man's fans are so cruel towards Louis and in our business every single day, i could never give that man a single stream that his fans will later use to prove how superior and more successful their fav is even if he wasn't as shitty as he is (don't even get me started on how someone can stan 2 people with opposite ideologies and principles and artistry). Still, i really really tried to tolerate larries who are not as annoying about their ship but everytime i came to the conclusion that they hate Louis and don't care about him (don't let that in Louis' lane in their dn fool you). In the pandemic, i avoided anything related to that man (his actions made me nauseous) and didn't really interact with larries at all but i hoped that they had developed more respect for Louis in those couple of years. Then, the album title and the setlist leak happened and the way those disgusting people were acting and CELEBRATING, saying it was Louis who did it just told me everything i need to know: They'll never change 😔. They hate Louis (even when they don't realize it), they have no respect for his art and his hard work. His well being, his career and success will always be secondary to their delusions (the ship, 1d reunion and the fucked up image they have of him that nothing can shake off). In short, they're Louis antis even when they don't realize it so i don't owe them any kindness. These are people who hate on my fav on the daily and have no problem using his late mother/ sister to fuel their delusions, have no shame discussing the paternity of a stranger and declaring how he's not a father everyday (like who are you!!!). When i say i hate them i mean it. And don't even get me started on those miserable hrries 😭 they use larry as an excuse for their Louis obsession when he was the one between the two who denied the ship and is taking the larrie hate (larries criticize that man's actions sometimes but in the end it's always poor Hzzy J*ff forced him to 🥺 but Louis doesn't have that luxury, to them he's the daddy boss 😭). Those anons with those faux concerns aren't fooling anyone btw, i know a h/larrie ask when i see one so don't waste time and energy pretending otherwise 🫶🏽

#in conclusion Louis antis this blog is not for you #sorry anon that was a long rant #but those freaks pissed me off yet again 😭

0 notes

chaoticnerdreview · 4 years ago

Text

History Has Its Eyes On You

Five years ago, a match made in heaven took place at NXT TakeOver: Brooklyn. Two girls that shared the same dream, the same passion, the same drive, met inside the squared circle in a match that shattered the wrestling ground like no women's match had before. Since that point on, the duo circled round and around each other wherever they went. Sometimes they'd push together, sometimes they'd pull apart but never losing sight of each other.

That was until paranoia and deeply rooted trust issues broke the duo in half. Placing each of them on the opposing sides of the ground they shattered years before. The separation was such that, in a complete shift of the tectonic plaques, they were standing on the very shoes the other had worn five years prior. And in that new alignment, they were set to meet in Hell where only one could leave unscathed.

Wrestling, as any entertainment art, has a dual side to it. The reality that we all hide in a unspoken agreement to pretend it doesn't exist and the fantasy we breathe into existence at every match or every word that happens on screen. Sometimes the two cross, in a juxtaposition almost impossible to ignore. That was the case of Bayley v. Sasha at NXT TakeOver: Brooklyn and it was the same at last night's Hell In A Cell.

The reason Brooklyn was so special, and the same that means you can watch the match without any television/story-line context, is the fact that you can see the passion they share for wrestling vibrate through their bodies. The fire they lit together on that arena was enough to have every single fan on their feet, screaming at full lungs and doing the magical three count with the referee in the end. You could feel them. You could breathe them.

Unfortunately, covid-19 deprived wrestling of their physical audience ringside, which to many could've been a detrimental side effect to their performances. But not to Bayley v. Sasha. Never to them. Because everything they need is always between each other. A case could even be made that the two of them, somehow, live in the same frequency. And while a multitude of fans were displeased with the story that drove the duo to Hell, everyone was left speechless after the magic they created inside the Cell.

For context, in the past few weeks Bayley, the longest reigning SmackDown women’s champion that became almost delirious with power, had seemed unsure of herself. While she'd hold up her front and pushed against signing the contract, it was visible that Sasha's raw emotions were getting to her. Making her question every decision she had made, especially if burning the bridge between them had been worth it. Contrary, the once unconditional love inside her now broken heart was enough to fuel Sasha Banks to become more open, more vulnerable, more truthful to herself and to the woman who believed she had been fooling her for months.

When they entered the Cell, Sasha Banks did so willingly in pristine white gear. Exuding confidence because she was familiar with the unforgiving red cage. But that familiarity, mocked by Bayley from the first mention of said match to the moment she entered unknown terrain with 1-0 written on her faithful chair, came at a cost for Sasha Banks. She had been through Hell twice but never walked out of it draped in gold. Both times she had crashed, and burned.

But both times Sasha's reason to enter Hell had been different. And everyone that knows the steel cage knows that you must be clear of your intentions if you want to walk out victorious. The first was a matter of pride and it ended in tears. The second, a delusion with the same ending. However the third, it was a matter of life or death. The life she thought she could still salvage by taking the title away from Bayley or the death of their friendship.

On the other hand, the darkness that had consumed Bayley from within showed in her choice of clothes. Seemingly prepared for a street fight, in black from head to toe, Bayley entered at the disadvantage of never having been to Hell before. Never having suffered the pain of it or endured the deep soul searching it brings. And while her fire to burn Sasha Banks to the ground seemed to be bright at the start, it began fading as the punishment was inflicted.

Now reality kicks in, the kind we are unable to ignore despite our best efforts. We know that those two women who certainly vowed to create one of the best as well as most devastating Hell matches in history, which they succeeded at, are outstanding storytellers. Every detail with them is carefully crafted and masterfully polished to perfection. Which meant that it was impossible to turn a blind eye at every full circle moment they recreated. With call backs to their Brooklyn match from words spoken to transitions made. However, the ending of the match is a clear yet painful upgrade of another moment.

Many consider Hell In A Cell to be an elevation or different type of Iron Wo/Man match and in lieu of that, Sasha searched into the depths of herself to bring back to life something that Bayley used to destroy her in the past. At NXT TakeOver: Respect, Bayley locked Sasha in a submission she had never done before and stomped her neck until Sasha quit the match, thus bringing their match to a 3-2 result, which favoured Bayley. This time, and having lost all respect for the woman that a year or so ago walked out of another cell with her as the inaugural tag team champions, it was Sasha’s turn to stomp Bayley. After locking Bayley into her classic submission manoeuvre, Sasha did so while also using the same chair Bayley had used to almost break her neck before. And she stomped on it. Until Bayley tapped out. And then some more.

At the end of the match, the 1-0 on her chair could be seen in reverse, showing that it was actually Sasha’s turn to win against Bayley’s zero victories inside the cell.

At the end of the match, Sasha Banks sat across the ring from Bayley, mourning the loss of their friendship the same way she had done midway through the match while Bayley, seemingly unconscious, laid with the chair around her neck. After all, Sasha had promised to finish it the way Bayley had started it.

At the end of the match, we’re back exactly to where we started. Another ground shattering moment, where the woman dressed in celestial white conquered the ubris of her opponent.

Some people are destined to meet, as if they both made the same wish upon the same shooting star. But after that, it’s up to them to make sure their encounter is something that changes the world. And if you ask me, Sasha Banks and Bayley already changed the world twice. It’s their destiny, after all.

PS: Dear Pam and Mercedes, thank you. For everything that you are. For everything that you do. For everything that you will become. Thank you for making me cry with Brooklyn and HIAC now. But most of all, thank you for staying true to yourselves, your goals, your dreams because in following your journey, I think I found my own. Continue the good fight, I’ll continue to write about it. Thank you. For everything. Love, S.

#bayley #sasha banks #hiac

67 notes · View notes

ayo-cowbelly · 4 years ago

Text

when the fire goes out, how do we stay warm? - part 1/?

next part ~ masterlist

welcome to my new series ~ an angst dump of “what if anakin and obi wan’s roles on zygerria were reversed?”

you can blame the New SW Canon discord for this. Their angst-loving asses fueled this fire, and what was supposed to be a snippet spiraled into this.

the yarra root i got from discord- we had a huge discussion about tatooine slave culture, and said yarra root is something tatooine parents will put in their child's tea/drinks, to kill them/"put them to sleep", so the masters won't hurt/kill them (it is seen as an alternative to a brutal, painful death). We also discussed the idea that people on tatooine will take their children (or just themselves) and go out to the sand dunes and "let the Desert decide their fates", so when Anakin mentions being "swallowed", that's what he means. Just to clarify.

Hope you like it!

@youngcreativenerdgoddess @alabasterswriting @ilonga @rynae-reblogs @everything-or-anything @waterrose3 (i love y’all, thanks for the support!)

***

Obi-Wan looks down into the arena from his place beside the Zygerrian queen. He wants nothing more than to jump down there, to yell, to scream, to do something- but he knows he can't. To blow their cover now is to destroy any chance of saving the colonists. But he wishes he could save more than just them. He wishes he could liberate this whole damn planet. He wishes he could get rid of the threat the Zygerrians posed, somehow- even if he had to rip the crown out of the slaver queen's cold, dead hands.

Obi-Wan looks across the arena as the queen speaks, not looking at Ahsoka nearby (in that horrible outfit, that made people leer at his grandpadawan, like she was a mere object. They looked at her the way Obi-Wan had seen people looking at Anakin during his brief time on Tatooine all those years ago).

Oh. Anakin. Where was he?

Obi-Wan was furious that the Council had sent Anakin, of all people, to this slaver planet. The should have remembered Anakin's past, his time as a slave when he was just a child. They should have remembered that Anakin was once considered nothing more than property, an object to be passed around to different Masters. Obi-Wan should have remembered, he should have fought harder.

He hopes Anakin doesn't know of this auction, as Obi-Wan knows that Anakin would tear down this entire planet if he found out. He would scrape tooth and nail to destroy this disgusting empire. For Anakin mostly acted on his emotions, not that it was necessarily a bad thing- but he sometimes forgot to look at the big picture. There was a balance there, one Anakin struggled to find.

Balance always seemed to elude him.

Obi-Wan worried greatly. After this dreadful mission, they'd actually talk, for once. About everything.

He focuses back on the queen's words, as she announces the Togrutan governor. Obi-Wan tries and fails to look away from the man's beaten form.

And then the worst happens.

"My friends, behold! Anakin Skywalker, the Hero With No Fear- on his knees before us!"

Obi-Wan barely registers Ahsoka's horrified gasp, for he is equally as distraught. Below him, on the sandy platform, is Anakin. A shock collar is on his neck and dirt on his face. His clothes are ripped, and his hair is mussed and greasy. Obi-Wan wants so badly to run to his brother before Anakin does something rash and gets them all caught.

But when Obi-Wan looks over Anakin's frail form again, he sees something. Something so much worse.

The fire in Anakin's eyes is... gone. There is no defiance, no opposition, none of that trademark confidence- only the hollow gaze of someone who is dreaming of being anywhere else. All at once, Obi-Wan's previous fears vanish. Before, he had been worried that Anakin would say something sarcastic, signal for his 'saber, fight back; but now, Obi-Wan knows that isn't the problem.

Anakin had been a slave, once. Before he was a General, a hero, a Jedi, a Master, a brother, or a husband (yes, Obi-Wan knew. Anakin had never been subtle, and try as she might, neither was Padmé)- before any of that, he was simply Ani. A slave, a son, a child of a cruel Desert that took more than it gave.

This is who is before them now. It wasn't Anakin down there, it was Ani, and that was so much worse. Obi-Wan Kenobi's (previously unknown, for he had never imagined it to be possible) greatest fear had come true, before his very eyes.

For the first time in over ten years, Anakin Skywalker was not fighting back.

"This Jedi, this watchdog of a petty, corrupt senate, a preacher of freedom and peace though he brings only war and death- is nothing more than a puppet! And now, he will kneel before us," The queen boasts, proudly smiling at the cheering crowd.

At this moment, Obi-Wan wants her life to end. He wants it to be at his own hands. How dare she do this, how dare she make Anakin go through such a thing, how dare she-

Oh. She's speaking to him now. "Show him his true place," She commands. Obi-Wan nods numbly, a pathetic movement of a broken man. Obi-Wan feels broken, he does. He feels crushed, splintered, shattered into a million tiny pieces-

Anakin had broken, and as Obi-Wan is his brother, he will too. Two halves of the same whole, and if one goes down the other surely will as well. They are nothing without the other, and are only something when together.

Some may ask, "What is the galaxy without Obi-Wan Kenobi?"

The real question is, "What is the galaxy when Anakin Skywalker stops fighting?"

Obi-Wan doesn't know the answer to that. He doesn't know what it's like to witness your dearest friend, your son, your brother, your soul, fractured into pieces-

Or maybe he does, now. He doesn't want to think about it.

He remembers things Anakin once said, about his mother and Yarra Root and a saying.

"I would rather my child die than be a slave like me."

But Anakin, Ani (for as much as they are different, they are also the same) had once been a slave. And now, he is again. Or maybe he always had been, and only his title had changed with time.

Has Anakin ever truly been free?

How could Obi-Wan have let this happen?

He approaches his former apprentice (though everyone knows that statement is a half-truth; no Master-Padawan pair had ever stayed so close as they had after Knighthood) and he almost wants to claw his eyes out. Anakin is kneeling on the hard ground, his shoulders are hunched. Obi-Wan has never seen him look so... defeated.

As Obi-Wan nears him, Anakin turns. His eyes are glassy, his cheeks are gaunt, and above all he looks haunted. "Obi?" He says weakly.

Obi-Wan doesn't care about their cover anymore. "Yes, dear one, I'm here."

Anakin shudders, his voice cracking from disuse and the delusions of fear. "I- I wanted to help, I was going to- the Root, Obi, the Root- I'll find it, so they can rest- let them rest, let me rest, please-"

"It's going to be alright, I promise. Just hang on," Obi-Wan whispers, and his younger brother makes an aborted movement, one he guesses was meant to be a nod. Obi-Wan looks up at R2, not able to take anymore of this con.

His and Anakin's lightsabers soar gracefully through the air, and Obi-Wan catches them both. Ignoring the angered roar of the spectators, he pulls with the Force and removes the shock collar, trying not to look too closely at the angry red mark it left on Anakin's neck. When Obi-Wan goes to hand Anakin his lightsaber, his brother flinches, but makes no move to take it. "I don't- I don't want it- I want to rest- I want to rest, like Mom- let the Desert swallow me, Obi, please-"

"Anakin, please just hold on, for me. Sleep, and I will be here when you wake up." Obi-Wan blocks the Zygerrian guards' shots as Anakin closes his eyes, slowly crumpling into a fetal position on the ground. The Jedi Master glances up to the balcony, where Ahsoka is holding the queen, green blade pressed close to her neck.

Obi-Wan grips the two lightsabers (lighsabers that would forever be entwined, just as their souls were. Though Anakin loved Padmé more than anything, with his mother a close second, Obi-Wan was somehow more. He was his other half, and they would be brothers until the end). Blades ignited, he scowls up at the slaver queen. "Your Majesty, I feel it is time for your reign to end."

"Oh?" The queen has the gall to laugh, even with a blade to her throat. "Is this what the Jedi are now, wild beasts that fight wars and threaten royalty?" She's not sending her guards to detain him, not yet. She's waiting for him to move, to break, to fight (fight when Anakin cannot).

Obi-Wan doesn't reply. Instead, he jumps.

He goes for the nearby guards first. Their heads roll onto the ground, cleanly severed. One by one, they fall at the enraged hand of a Jedi- no, this is not the fighting of a Jedi, this is the fighting of a brother, an other half, someone who is seeing red because their sibling has been torn apart. Obi-Wan had felt anger before, but never like this. This is cold, and detached, but it is also hot and painful and so horribly real-

And Obi-Wan is drinking it up, letting it fuel him as he practically flies through the arena.

Rex is taking out the Zygerrian reinforcements, his aim always ringing true. Ahsoka, who now seems to be nearing the Dark path Obi-Wan has started down, has killed the prime minister and is slowly backing away with the queen. Obi-Wan jumps up to them, signing at Rex to meet them outside.

"Get Anakin" He signs to the Captain, who nods once and as gently as possible lifts his General (the clones are much stronger than they look, Obi-Wan has learned) and exits. The Jedi turns to the enslaving, despicable ruler. She smiles cruelly, blood from where she must've bit her tongue starting to coat her teeth. She looks almost primal, exuberant, her eyes flashing with excitement-

She knows Obi-Wan is in pain, and she is reveling in it.

"Kenobi, is it? I must say, I've never seen a Jedi so unhinged. You've surprised me."

"I do like to keep my opponents on their toes," He says roughly, trying to keep his voice steady.

"You and I are similar in that fact." She smirks, making Obi-Wan's blood boil. How dare she compare herself to him (him, who had let Anakin be taken, let him be dragged off to Force knows where, to then be thrown in chains-)

Who was he to act so above this slaver? Yes, she had been the one to do this Anakin, but Obi-Wan hadn't helped at all (never mind the fact that he hadn’t known); and doesn't that make him just as guilty? He had been too preoccupied in the mission, the part he had to play.

That always seemed to happen to them. Obi-Wan was always busy with duties, while Anakin spiraled. Obi-Wan never noticed, never helped. His eyes flutter closed, just for a second, and he is met with the image of his sleeping brother, cheeks sunken and face pale. The guilt eats at him, painfully carving out a place in his heart.

The world fades. Obi-Wan lunges. There is a scream.

However, the scream doesn't come from the queen. It comes from Ahsoka.

"Master, no! It's not- you can't-"

"Ahsoka," Obi-Wan whispers, one blade mere breaths from slicing through the queen. "Anakin-"

"-Wouldn't want you to do this," She interjects. They are both aware of the unspoken truth that hangs in the air; Anakin would do it himself, before either of them could even move. "Master, please, she'll be taken back to Coruscant, but we can't do this." She gestures to his ignited lightsabers.

Obi-Wan looks to his weapons, then to Ahsoka, and back again. The blinding anger slowly melts away, leaving an icy-cold feeling in his bones.

The queen glowers. "Master Kenobi, I grow tired of this. Perhaps we can work up an agreement?"

"I will not barter with slavers, you witch," he snaps. He tries to shrug off Ahsoka's wince, knowing she was surprised at his tone. She had never heard her grandmaster so... outraged. Impatient, tired, disappointed, sure- but not this.

This is almost Dark.

The Zygerrian queen chuckles. "How about this: If you agree to my terms, I will let your friends go, no questions asked."

As much as he doesn't want to listen, Obi-Wan is enthralled by the promise of Anakin's safety. "What do you require?"

"Master, you can't-" Obi-Wan shakes his head, and Ahsoka, upset as she is, quiets.

The conversation resumes. "It seems I'm in need of an attendant, if the girl behind me is a fake. Would you be willing to take up the role?" Her tone and word choice are misleading. There is no option, no room to decline- if he tries, she will have them all killed. She is in control of the situation (Obi-Wan certainly isn't, he lost control when Anakin came out in a shock collar- don't think of it- don't- stop- no- ANAKIN-)

"You will let them go?" Obi-Wan asks quietly.

"They will be free," The queen answers, the irony of her words likely not lost on her. How rare it must be for her to let a person go, let alone three and a droid.

The lightsabers hiss as they turn off. Ahsoka looks horrified, and Obi-Wan's stomach churns at his decision. 'But Anakin will be safe,' He thinks to himself.

The queen grins. She has won.

***

if you want to be tagged in the next part, let me know! also i love comments vv much so please let me know what you thought!

107 notes · View notes

javisjeanjacket · 4 years ago

Text

Exile - (poe dameron x fem!reader)

Folklore Series Part 1 /4

A/N: who doesn’t love a bit of yearning in the evening?? this one is inspired by Taylor Swift’s new song, ‘Exile’. If I used your gif or photo in my collage, let me know and I will add your tag! :)

Warnings: cursing, yearning, alcohol reference, poe dameron is in it so there should be a thirst warning as well

Word count: 2K

"Excellent work, the First Order's work on light speed tracking will be extremely valuable if we can crack their hextacryption. Go ahead and return to base." Leia's voice crackled over the holodisplay.

"General, I thought I was assigned to Coruscant permanently." You said, your eyebrows pursed in concern.

Leia chuckled. "I wish we had the money to keep you there permanently. Come back to base and the team will decide where your next deployment will be. May the Force be with you." The gray-haired woman bowed her head and the holodisplay vanished.

You stuffed the holoprojector in your back pocket as your chest tightened. You blinked several times, trying to force your emotions to sort themselves out.

Speeders, cargo ships, and public transports zoomed outside your tiny hotel room viewport. For a moment, it struck you how every one of those creatures in every one of those vehicles had a life as rich and flawed as your own.

Your mind wandered to Poe Dameron; lost somewhere in the stars so very far away from you. Your fingers absentmindedly grazed over the top of your wrist and for a fleeting moment, you were able to convince yourself it was Poe's hand on your skin.

The communicator on the nightstand beeped, pulling you from your delusion, and resounded, "Transport arriving at 21:04."

Taking a steadying breath, you looked once more over the hotel room that had become your home during your work on the city planet. Your mind filled with memories of nights not too long past; how your body had curled into the thin sheets and how violently your fingers had clenched the pillow tucked to your chest. Flashes of nightmares zipped through your mind as did the many nights spent with your heart drowning in tears and alcohol.

A deep loneliness washed over you, pushing your heart to jump and yelp against your rib cage.

Your eyes felt heavy and hot tears pricked at the sides of them as you began to gather your clothes from the small closet in the corner of the room. Haphazardly stuffing them in your rucksack, your mind did not have to work hard to envelop you completely.

Ripped from some hiding spot deep within, the memory of Poe's hand on your back sending shivers across your skin, now spun on display in the front of your thoughts. His smile beaming in the sunlight. How soft his lips were on your cheek every morning, the sweet must of your bodies intertwined. The wave of his hair curling away from his face. The fire in his eyes and in his footsteps.

The feelings still living inside of you for Poe Dameron; so long harbored and so long neglected, moved with a fury to invigorate your feeble heart. Beating against your chest, the muscle threatened to shatter all over again.

Reality reminded you of the last time you had seen the pilot; the red rings around his deep brown eyes and his hand tracing his lips, frustrated. How hot the fire inside your chest had burned, how utterly defeated you had felt. How the feeling of your words, heavy as stones in your mouth, still filled you with regret.

The way his face had twisted in pain, how taken aback he was. Poe, for as much as you loved him, could never seem to hear you out. In his mind, he felt that he could make things the way he wanted them to be, just by his sheer will and determination. To him, Poe Dameron was the end all, be all of his own destiny. And, to an extent, he was right, but when it came to other people he struggled with the notion that to have them in his life, it meant he actually had to have them in his life.

You dropped your head to your chest and wiped a warbling tear from your eye.

One of your favorite shirts wrapped around your hand; absentmindedly you had strangled it.

You stuffed the shirt into your bulging bag and zipped it closed.

Taking a deep breath, you flicked your eyes to the clock on your bedside table.

'21:03' It displayed. Swallowing against a dry throat, you picked your rucksack up from the floor and left your hotel room, the lock clicking firmly behind you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You didn't know what you expected to feel, coming back to Base after months away, but it wasn't this.

You sat upright in the pilot's chair of your ship, your back straight against the cushion behind you and your knees pushed tightly together. Nausea rose in the back of your throat and you had to force it back down.

The Resistance Base came into view and your heart leapt from your chest and into your hands. Your fingertips seemed to glow, drunk on a cocktail of adrenaline and anxiety. Your own words echoed around your mind, 'I think that it's best if you just leave me alone.' 'When I'm with you, I can't stop myself from trying to pretend that I don't feel the way I do.'

'Do I still feel that way?' You interrupted yourself.

Mindlessly, your fingers began to prep the landing sequence.

'I'll have to see him. I can be civil. I'm sure I was just being dramatic.' Your eyes settled over the Resistance flight techs moseying in your direction, half hoping to recognize a face on one of them.

Taking a deep breath and hurrying through the ship to gather your things, you met the landing dock as it lowered to the ground beneath you. You nodded a greeting and smiled softly to the techs hurrying towards your ship, asking if you needed fuel or repairs.

A familiar astromech droid's beeping pulled your attention to your shin.

You smiled broadly at the little orange and white ball droid, squealing as you bent down to rub his sides. "BB-8!" You exclaimed. "Oh, I missed you buddy!"

The droid moved back and forth excitedly and beeped rapidly, firing off a story just too important not to tell you.

You nodded, fully unaware of what he was saying, but happy to see him so happy nonetheless. The droid finished his spewing and began to whir back to the compound, towards the one person you did not want to see, you assumed.

"BB-8!" You called, not wanting to hurt the little droid's feelings by abandoning him. "I'm going to find Leia."

The droid's visual receptor widened and then narrowed. His system was processing why you didn’t choose the most logical thing to do after being away from Poe for so many months.

You smiled gently at the droid and headed towards the bustling Base entrance. Resistance members hurried past you, chatting to each other, pointing harshly with eyebrows furrowed, and others laughing heartily.

The path through the D'Qar Base was easy and memorized, your boots clacking on the metallic floor below steadily. You shouldered your rucksack closer to you and squeezed through the frantic hallway. Nerves wrapped their hands around your stomach, flipping it over and over again. Your eyes scanned the hordes of people, unconsciously searching for the face of the Resistance's most valuable pilot. You made your way into the war room where you spotted Leia's heather gray hair hovering over a holodisplay table. Close by though, a familiar black mop of unruly curls moved from one side of the room to the other. His voice carried through the din and his finger pointed to something on the holodisplay.

Suddenly, your legs were planted where you stood. You could feel them tremble and your breathing hitch on it's way out. Half of you screamed, 'Run! Run!' and the other half felt as if it would never move again.

'Well, I can't very well run away now, people have seen me.'

Taking several short breaths in, you moved your gaze from Poe to Leia. Setting your shoulders back and sticking your chin out defiantly, you moved through the clusters of Resistance intel officers to General Organa.

She and Poe both had their backs to you, Poe still explaining his thoughts.

"General Organa." You said, your chest out proudly.

Leia turned to face you and her features softened.

At the sound of your voice, Poe whipped around from the star chart in front of him and his mouth gaped slightly.

You could feel how hot his gaze burned on your face, but you dared not to meet his eyes and satisfy him.

Leia greeted you and ran her hands up your forearms. "I'm so glad you're back safely. The intel you brought us was invaluable."

You smiled at her as your thoughts began to pound against your skull, 'Look at him, look at him, look at him.'

"Thank you, Leia." You answered.

"Poe," Leia began and turned to your ex-boyfriend.

Anxiety rose up in your chest and your eyes moved back and forth between the two of them frantically.

"Will you make sure your friend here makes it to her quarters alright? I can finish up here without you." She looked between the two of you with a knowing look on her face.

"Oh, General, that's not-" You began.

Leia held up a jewel-clad hand. "I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about."

Your eyes finally met Poe's and you could almost feel yourself tripping into them again.

Poe's face was set, his curiosity now turned to steeliness. He pulled his eyes from yours and looked down at his boots. His hands rested on his hips underneath his flightsuit, and the tension in his shoulders seemed to snap it's fangs at you. He looked up at you again, his chest beating shallowly, and then turned to walk down the corridor you had entered through. His frustration trailed after him, bouncing and wailing like a child pouting.

You clutched the strap of your bag and kept your head down, your eyes following the up and down of Poe's scuffed boots through the hallway.

He turned and lead you down a darkened corridor, and as well as you could remember, it was no longer used because of the unsafe door panel wiring.

Your eyebrows scrunched and you could feel a shudder in your chest as you realized why he had brought you this way. The best pilot in the Resistance wanted closure.

Poe's lean body turned around to face you. His bottom lip tucked into his mouth and his eyes scanned the hallway behind you, his senses heightened by the surprise of seeing you.

"Look," He began, his arms crossed over his chest. His voice was just as you remembered it. Just as you had heard it so many times before.

A burning desire to hear your name in his mouth again, to hear him shape you with his tongue, rose in your chest.

"We gotta talk about what happened. If you're gonna be here, I need to know how to be around you." His dark eyes had an unrelenting hold on yours. In the dim light of the hallway, shadows played across his face, painting him in darkness almost overwhelming.

"I don't know what you want me to say." You choked out. A muscle behind your eye twitched.

"Do you want me to not talk to you and avoid you in the halls or what? What do you want?" Poe's voice was laced with frustration. You could sense a deep melancholy in him and the anger guarding it carefully.

"No, Poe, I-" You sighed and tucked your shaking hands into your back pockets. "You don't have to do that."

"Then, what?" He spat. His arms flung outwards to emphasize the end of his question. He was trying to keep his voice quiet but his passion kept pushing him upwards.

"Why don't you tell me what you want." You said, his frustration frustrating you.

Poe chuckled indignantly. "What I want? What do I want?" He took a step back and turned from you. "Do you even remember what we were like?"

You gritted your teeth as you blinked hot tears away from your eyes. Of course, you remembered. The secret dates off-planet, the way he would run to wherever you were to give you a goodbye kiss before leaving on mission, no matter how quickly he needed to take off. How could you forget?

"I remember everything." You whispered.

Poe's face scanned over yours, searching for what you meant to say. His jaw set and his chest heaved shallowly. His head tilted to the side, looking at you. The skin around his eyes softened.

"Then...what happened?" He asked tenderly.

"I ...I loved you every day we were together." You admitted. The words nestled for so many months in your heart now taking off and flying on their own.

"It was real for me, whatever we were. But..." You shook your head, your eyes keeping Poe's hostage. "I don't think it was for you."

Poe reached a shaking hand out to touch your face. His skin kissed your cheek and your eyes shut involuntarily, a relief you didn't know you needed. "I never could read your mind, could I?" He chuckled lightly.

One side of your face turned upwards and your throat burned at the tears yanking at your eyes.

His thumb wandered to graze down your chin and then to rest around your jaw. "I missed you every day we were apart. I pretended like I didn't but...you never gave me a warning sign. I never understood what happened." His eyes fell to your lips and his body seemed to freeze in place there.

You shook your head and pulled yourself out of his ensnaring grasp. "Poe, I gave you every sign that I could. I told you every day, a million little times, that I was going to leave. You just didn't want to hear me."

The pilot sighed heavily and his eyes watered. "Can we just...try again? Do you," He sighed again and looked back up to your eyes. "Do you still feel the same way about me?"

You pulled your top lip into your mouth and drug it across your teeth, the pain a welcome release of the mounting pressure inside you. "We've both seen this Holofilm before, and neither of us liked the ending. It's time to let go." The harshness of your own words ripped your throat to shreds, but you kept your lips firmly shut.

"And what if I can't let go?" Poe asked, his tone clipping at the end of his unspoken deceleration. His body moved closer to yours and his wide palm reached to hold the small of your back.

Looking up into Poe’s hazel eyes and feeling his muscles tensing around your body again sent a wave of light-headedness through your mind.

"I think I can find my quarters on my own, Commander. Thank you for your help." Your voice broke as you pushed yourself out of Poe's grasp and headed towards the women's sleeping quarters. You kept your eyes trained on the ground below as you tainted it with hot tears, plopping and splashing against the cool metal of the Resistance base floor.

~~~~~~~~~~~

What did you think? I really hope you enjoyed reading my work. Just your liking / re-blogging it means a lot. If you have a moment, I would love to hear your thoughts! Tell me what you think via my ask box or a comment always warms my heart!! Thank you again for reading!

Need more reading material? You can visit my Masterlist for more Poe Dameron content, as well as my other works.

Want to be kept in the loop? Let me know so I can put your handle in my taglist form. Right now, I’m writing for Poe Dameron, Din Djarin, and Santiago ‘Pope’ Garcia, but I have plans to expand my SW character list, and eventually add in my favorites from the MCU as well.

Thanks again for reading! Sending love! -hai

68 notes · View notes

azwriting · 5 years ago

Text

Another Life (Forget Me Not, Kylo Ren x Reader) - Chapter Ten

Hi everyone! Here’s chapter ten! It seems Kylo and the reader are getting closer.... Anyways I hope you all enjoy! Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!

Summary: (Y/N) continues to get flashes of her memories from her prior life. Which continue to draw her closer to Kylo.

Warning(s): Sexual references, a bunch of fluff really

Word Count: 3923

(Y/N)’s hand stayed intertwined with Kylo’s as they continued to eat breakfast. An energy flowing between them. The energy had always been there, since they were children, but (Y/N) was only now beginning to feel it once more. Her returned past not only bringing back her memories, but reviving the connection she had to the Force. She was attuned once again to the energy that flowed through every living thing. Especially the energy flowing through the man across from her.

Kylo and her were silent, only stealing glances at one another every so often. She did not fully understand the complete shift in her, this sudden need to be near him. The agony of two lives seemed to be subsiding with his proximity and as much as (Y/N) wanted to credit that as to why she wanted him close, she knew it would only be a lie. Yes, he was the Supreme Leader of the First Order, the person she was supposed to see as her enemy. Yet, the man across from her in simple dark clothing only resembled the boy who used to watch sunsets with her. The feelings (Y/N) (Y/L/N) had were too strong to fight. The connection the two shared through the Force, only fueled the pull, the allure, the current that (Y/N) attempted to fight against. And whether or not she liked it, she needed his help to find herself again. Eating the last bite of her strudel, (Y/N) glanced up to Kylo, who’s reddened face held onto their hands. She watched his black waves slipped down in front of his eyes, a vision resurfacing.

Two medium length braids fell down (Y/N)’s shoulders as she sat in her small hut, meditating. She was not one to brag but she was the best meditator in class. Master Luke had accredited her ability to great uncle, a man known for his dedication to the Living Force. (Y/N) could feel everything, the vitality that surrounded her, the temple, and especially the incoming strong vigor. Not a second later, Ben came running in, his aura emitting nothing but pure elation. “What?” She prompted not opening an eye.

The boy was a little breathless as he delivered the good news, “Master Luke is allowing for us to go to Hanna for the ball!” (Y/N)’s eyes opened at that, turning to the grinning boy. Sweat made his hair cling to his face, its usual fluffiness matted down.

“Really?” She could not deny the joy that flooded her at the idea of returning home for the first time in years. Ben only nodded coming to sit beside her on the floor. “I thought you didn’t want to go?” (Y/N) questioned, nudging his shoulder.

Ben only shook his head, “The ball no, I don’t wish to go to that, but I would like to see my parents.” She nodded at that, she wanted to see them too.

“When do we leave?” Ben looked up to her, an unreadable look in his eyes as he watched her intently. For the past two years, something had begun to form between them. Something more than just childhood friends, something more powerful.

“In an hour.” Ben stood once again, pulling her up with him. He stood close, his warm breath fanning across her face. (Y/N) would almost be distracted by his presence, by the constant energy flowing between them, but instead she wrinkled her nose.

“Did you have your private lesson again? You smell worse than a Wookie! You better go freshen up, I’m not flying anywhere with you smelling like that!”

Ripping her hand from his, (Y/N) stumbled up and out of her chair in alarm. Her hands flew up to her forehead pushing hair out of her face. Kylo stood in alarm too, “What’s wrong?” (Y/N) ignored him, her thoughts racing faster than what it took to make the Kessel Run. Her content with the Supreme Leader seemed to grow, leaving her jittery. Her emotions and senses were out of control, every surfacing memory only leading her to feel more drawn to Kylo. The very man before her, trying to snap her back to reality.

“What happened? What’s wrong?” Kylo reiterated, his hands cupping around her face. He could not read her thoughts they were too cluttered, like the morning he gave her her memories back.

“I keep getting these… flashes of moments, memories from before.” She answered finally, eyes glazed over.

“What did you see?” Kylo spoke gently rubbing soothing circles on her upper cheeks.

“It was us, before we went to the ball on Hanna.” (Y/N) whispered, peering up at his concerned eyes… he had always been so worried about her. “You had just come back from your lesson and you were so sweaty, you smelled-”

“Worse than a Wookie.” Kylo finished, letting out a quiet laugh, and recalling the moment himself.

(Y/N) let a small smile grace her lips, before she turned serious again. “Why does this keep happening?” He let out a deep sigh pondering momentarily.

“You’re still processing everything. I’m assuming once you’ve accepted everything, it will stop.” (Y/N) groaned slightly, she was hoping she was past reliving everything. She could not handle the torment, but then again she did not feel like she had that morning everything returned. No, she felt strangely secure with the warm hands pressed against her skin. “It will be okay, it will subside soon.” Kylo reassured her, his baritone voice laced with tenderness. He made it difficult to pretend to despise him.

Suddenly his hands fell from her face, (Y/N) waking from a daze. Stars, she was puddy in his hands already… This was dangerous. “I’ll clean up and you go get ready for the day. Perhaps we could go on a walk? Some fresh air may help with the overwhelming senses.”

(Y/N) beamed, “Yes that sounds lovely actually.” She turned to leave, but a sudden urge erupted inside of her and she turned back to his observing stature. Her hands shakingly rose to his cheeks, her thumb gently falling over his scar. “Thank you for breakfast.” She wanted to say more: to thank him for helping, for returning the lost pieces of her soul, for always being there for her. Instead her hands slipped down and she turned to the hallway, her heart hammering in her chest. Oh yes, this was very dangerous.

Kylo stood hunched over the kitchen sink watching the warm breeze float through the endless greenery. He could hear the faint sound of the water running down the hall, but his mind was too fogged to focus on it. A warm flush worked its way onto his skin, a feeling he always credited to being around (Y/N), his light. He was still processing all the physical contact she had been bestowing upon him. It had been over a decade since he had felt pure, kind, bonded physical contact with someone. Rey and him had had a moment months ago, but that was different. That was two broken people finding temporary solace within each other, but the scavenger had let him down just as everyone else had.

(Y/N) was different though, she never let him down. It was all so overpowering, she was overpowering. Not to mention her thoughts, her thoughts of him. He could sense the part of her that wanted to open up to him, that was beginning to see him in a new light. He wondered if she could sense his internal battle, the light winning at the moment. He did not care if she did, he did care that it was there. There was no Snoke to punish him for it anymore, he was liberated from his cruelty. Yet, he was not freed from the constant wavering of his darkness and light. All Kylo wanted was her by his side forever, they could get into the messier details another time. He moved to put the last clean dish away when a strange unfamiliar feeling washed over him. It was like a cloud had enveloped around him in the Force, transporting him elsewhere. This was entirely new, something he had never experienced before.

Kylo was abruptly back in the master bedroom. It was cleaner: the sheets neatly made on top of the bed, a changing divider placed in the corner where the lightsaber slashes once were, and the frames depicting many different things were cleaned and placed upright on the dresser. Kylo was now in entirely different clothing, dark brown robes now adorned his towering figure. Something was not right… A sweet laugh came from his left and Kylo turned instinctively to find (Y/N) emerging from the bathroom. Her clothes were covered in splotches of water, soaking her. A gem gleaming on a significant finger as she brushed away her loose hair, sitting down on the edge of the bed with a huff.

“Bathtime is always such a hassle.” Kylo chuckled in unison with her as a small child exited the bathroom. It was a girl, no older than four, with wet black ringlets, soft brown eyes, and a beauty mark on her left cheek.

“Were you splashing again?” Kylo bent down to the little girl’s level, watching the sneaky grin work its way onto her sweet young face.

“It was an accident!” She giggled out, her voice angelic.

“Well you know what that means.” Kylo stated simply, mocking a serious tone. The little girl shook her head, those killer brown eyes widening. “I’m just going to have to tickle you.”

The girl gasped immediately, “No Papa!” But Kylo already swept up her and onto the purple sheets, tickling the sides of her pale green nightgown endlessly. “Mamma!” The girl breathed out between her hysterical giggles, “Help me!” (Y/N) only laughed from the side coming to the rescue.

Porcelain shattering across the floor woke Kylo from his trance, the man now back in the kitchen. What was that? He had never felt something so… real. This was something he had never been educated in, something he did not know existed. Had he simply just conjured up the image himself? No, it was not possible. He could not fabricate a delusion so strong, so beautiful. That was the worst thing swirling through his mind right now, the longing for it to have been true. Too caught up in his own confusion, Kylo did not hear the water shut off or the door opening down the hall.

“D-Did you see it too?” Kylo’s eyes focused to find (Y/N) with a towel sloppily wrapped around her frame, soap still lathered in her hair. He could only nod, staring back at her half-crazed eyes. He wondered what he looked like. She let out a sigh of relief, “I thought I was going crazy. It was nothing like the other flashes, it felt so real like…” She trailed off searching for the correct term.

“Another life.” Kylo finished her thought, finding his voice. The two shared a grim expression, still suspended in a state of shock. (Y/N) and Kylo could sense it in one another, the gaping hole the illusion left in its wake, the yearning too. It was not real, it could never happen. Could it? No, Kylo shook away his hope, war was no place for a child. “G-Go finish getting ready and then we’ll go on that walk?” His statement came out as more of a question, but (Y/N) nodded nonetheless. She disappeared back into her room as Kylo outstretched his hand. His focus was shaken as he tried to collect all the shards of the broken plate, before he dumped it all into a waste bin. The child’s sweet laugh haunting him.

(Y/N) walked side by side with Kylo, both remaining silent, too stunned to talk. She watched him trudge alongside her, his eyes hardened as he was lost deep in thought. She wondered in what, could he be thinking of the illusion as well?(Y/N) contemplated reading his thoughts, but no matter how hard she practiced as a padawan it never truly worked well for her. Kylo had always been gifted when it came to reading thoughts. It made her a bit flustered to think he heard everything she thought, every thought of him. (Y/N) let her head fall back to absorb the warm sun, the pure energy. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, walking blindly. She reached out, seeking guidance and reassurance from the Force, asking for a sign. A signal on how to proceed with life, on where to go from here, on why she was here. (Y/N) opened her eyes and the sun instantly blinded her for a second. Blinking the colorful speckles in her vision away, an image flashing forward.

He was young, thirteen, running through the quiet meadows with hot tears being wind whipped against his flushed skin. Ben stumbled and dropped down into the grass, sobbing loudly. He bent down and cradled his face in his hands, down in the grass. A gentle hand was soon placed on his back, automatically rubbing soothing circles. He knew exactly who it was, he had no fear, there was only one person who would chase after him. “It’s okay Ben.” (Y/N) comforted.

“N-No it’s not, Kol’s right! I’m never going to be good enough.” Ben’s head lifted from his hands, looking utterly distraught. Ben did not have a firm grasp on his emotions yet, which presented itself in moments during his training. A fact the young padawan was ashamed of.

(Y/N) scoffed, “Yes you will! You’re the strongest Force user here!”Ben glanced over at her, tears messily smeared across his face. “But I’ll never be my uncle or grandfather!”

(Y/N) sighed, shifting to sit on her knees, trying to be imposing.“You’re right.” She stated blandly and Ben sunk into himself, dejected by her words. “You’ll be better.” He only shook his head in disbelief, tears still falling. He did not believe he would amount to anything. “You’re more than you think of yourself. You’re everything to me.”

Ben’s sobs hitched at that, “I am?”

She only smiled and moved to wipe away his tears. “Yes, you’re all I have Ben, but sometimes you need to realize that being Ben Solo is the greatest thing you’ll ever do. “ Ben sniffled and nodded slowly, her words calming him. He moved to place his hands over hers that still rested on his face. (Y/N) winced lightly attempting to play it off as a smile, but Ben saw through her lie and yanked her hands away from his face. Her dominant hand was red, the knuckles bloody and bruised.

“What happened?” Ben hiccuped.

“I may have punched Kol… Master Luke won’t be pleased, but it was worth it.”

(Y/N) returned to the sunny scenery to find Kylo standing in front of her, patiently waiting and watching. “What did you see this time?” He questioned, eyes searching hers.

“You can’t tell?”

Kylo shook his head, “No you’re not exactly thinking of these moments, they’re just resurfacing in your mind. All I hear or see is your emotions.”

“How did I feel?” Kylo was silent, his hand coming up to catch a stray teardrop that threatened to fall from her eye.

“I felt sympathy and sadness, but also gratitude and content.” (Y/N) nodded, observing Kylo who only prompted her for more.

“It was us in the meadow after I punched Kol.” Kylo stiffened at her words, remembering his vulnerability, remembering her words of comfort. The words he had strayed so far from. The two stared at each other intently, eyes both conveying feelings they could not admit, not yet. “You’re everything to me.” (Y/N) unexpectedly launched herself onto Kylo, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck as she began to cry softly into his shoulder. Kylo hastily returned her hug, his strong arms locking her against him. They were flushed against each other, their auras blending together as they wept. There had been so much heartache interwoven into their lives, tearing them apart, but they had found a way back to each other. Or at the very least, the beginning of the way. (Y/N) felt the will of the Force answering her. This was her sign, they would need to save each other, end all of this. This was their destiny.

After dinner, the two sat on opposite ends of the couch, anxiety lingering in the air between them. Both unsure how to continue, so instead they both silently read. “I’m so sorry about the Strykers on Hosnian, I want you to know I had nothing to do with that.” Kylo spoke suddenly tearing (Y/N)’s pretend focus away from her book. She could not read, not with her spiraling thoughts of him. (Y/N) gulped, she knew Snoke had been in command when the Cataclysm of the system occurred. She could not blame his apprentice, not when he was apologizing. She placed her book down onto the glass table before her and turned to face Kylo. He did the same, his eyes holding a look of pure regret.

“There’s nothing you could’ve done.” She whispered.

Kylo let out a deep sigh, “I know, but I keep envisioning you on there when it happened and I would’ve lost you again without ever knowing.” (Y/N) shifted closer, she could not control herself anymore. Every ounce of the Resistance fighter inside her soul gone.

“But I wasn’t, I’m right here with you.” Kylo nodded glumly, pulling her closer until she knelt right beside him, facing him.

“I don’t deserve you, I never have.” (Y/N) silenced him by pressing her finger to his lips, moving to rest her cheek against his. They remained quiet, basking in each other’s warmth. Until (Y/N) began to yawn.

“Do you wish to sleep in the master bedroom again tonight? I can sleep on the floor if it makes you more comfortable. I would have done so last night, but you kind of locked me down.” Kylo rambled out nervously. (Y/N) smiled to herself and pulled back to face him once more.

“Ah yes the most powerful Force user of his generation was secured down by a sleep deprived me.” She teased and watched as his face flushed in embarrassment.

“Surprising isn't?” (Y/N) laughed and stood from the couch, pulling Kylo up with her. “I’ll take that as a yes.” He whispered down to her and she agreed with a smirk.

“Yes I’ll go change.” She moved towards the hall before throwing, “And I’m sure we can handle sleeping in the same bed again” over her shoulder. Oh she hoped she could.

Knocking on the white door before entering, (Y/N) was greeted with Kylo in a simple black shirt sitting up in bed. He was on the far side of the bed, the open spot next to him awaiting her. His eyes nervously racked down her figure covered by a medium length gray nightgown. Her hair wild and free, framing her beautiful face. ``Hi.” She mumbled fiddling with the fabric of her nightgown.

“Hi.” His deep baritone voice radiated warmth through her, pushing her onward. (Y/N) pulled back the dark purple sheets and awkwardly slipped into bed beside him. She moved around for a bit finding comfort on her side facing away from him. “Are you settled?” Kylo questioned, his stare burning through her head.

“Yes, thank you.” The dim light illuminating the room disappeared, the darkness consuming everything.

(Y/N) in her white flowery dress jumped out of the X-Wing, Ben following suit. The two dashed across the Jedi grounds, heading for her hut. It was still dark, everyone asleep, and unaware of their departure only hours ago. But morning would soon break and they needed to appear as if they never left. “Can you unlace me?” (Y/N) asked once inside her hut. Ben’s fingers hurriedly unlaced the white ribbon on the back of her dress as she removed her crown of flowers.

“Done.” Ben announced and (Y/N) quickly slipped out of the fabric, leaving her bare to his eyes. “It’s a shame daylight is so soon.” His voice was huskier, inviting. (Y/N) only laughed placing a kiss to her newly betrothed lips.

She pulled off her ring and handed it to him, “Instead of getting all worked up, how about you find a way for us to secretly wear these, hmm?” Ben groaned in annoyance, accepting her ring. He sat down on the floor next to her small tray and began to thread black leather strips through their rings, fastening them into necklaces. (Y/N) came back to his side, wearing brown robes and her hair braided tightly.

“For you my wife.” Ben handed her her necklace, the silver band secured at the bottom.

“Thank you, my husband.” She grinned and slid the necklace over her head, hiding it underneath her tunic perfectly. He did the same as he stood back to his towering height. “There now nobody will know.” A joyful laugh fell from (Y/N)’s lips, she was still full of bliss and love. They captured each other’s lips in a kiss once more, the sun beginning to rise on the horizon.

“This will prove to be the longest trying day of my life,” Ben complained, “but once it is through, I will make love to you until the stars align.” (Y/N)’s cheeks turned a deep crimson, her words failing her, so she simply pressed a feverish kiss to her husband’s lips as the morning bells began to toll.

(Y/N) was back in the dark bedroom, her body warm and tingling. She felt Kylo shift closer, his fingers crazing her bare arm. “What did you see?” Her cheeks blazed from his question and her memory, silently thankful for the darkness.

“Um… my father and I running around the farmhouse in Nayli.” She lied, too embarrassed to reveal the truth. She did not feel like disclosing how she saw the hours after their wedding, the promises of later, while lying in bed next to him.

“That would make sense. I felt love and compassion.” (Y/N) only nodded in the dark, her words failing her.

She was not sure why it popped back in her mind, perhaps the memory of their sex life surfacing , but the illusion of the child resurfaced as well. “She looked like you.” (Y/N) whispered in the night.

“Who?” Kylo asked, eyebrows furrowing at the shift in topic. She rolled around to face him, finding Kylo on his side already facing her. The pale moonlight outside illuminating the room just enough that she could make out his eyes. Oh his sweet eyes, the eyes she had seen reflected in the child.

“The little girl, our little girl.” Kylo was mute as he gaped at her, anguish flickering like hot coals in his eyes. He eventually nodded, mouth still pressed into a solid line. “What was that?” Kylo released his lips, a rough exhale sounding with it.

“I’m not entirely sure. It wasn’t a premonition, it’s not something I’ve ever heard of. And the fact that we both saw it collectively, I-I just don’t know.” (Y/N) let out a faint noise as a response. “The Force works in mysterious ways.” They shared a knowing look, before she turned to lie on her back.

For her next words, she could not look him in the eye and say. “It-It would have been nice… that other life.” She confided. (Y/N) felt his hand find hers beneath the covers, holding it tightly.

“It would’ve been.” Hands still clasped together, the two shifted closer into each other’s embrace, soothing each other into a peaceful sleep.

Taglist:

@benpeggycartersolo

@2heures

@thephantomwriter

@thefandomzoneisdangerous

@carol-chann

@gambitsqueen

@pancakefancake

@zaneholtzwrites

@moonmama03

@siren-queen03

#kylo ren #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren fanfiction #ben solo #ben solo x reader #ben solo fanfiction #star wars #star wars series #star wars imagine #Adam driver x reader

135 notes · View notes

dreaminginthedeepsouth · 4 years ago

Link

Why Is It So Hard for Democrats to Act Like They Actually Won?

Rebecca Solnit

November 19, 2020

When Trump won the 2016 election—while losing the popular vote—the New York Times seemed obsessed with running features about what Trump voters were feeling and thinking. These pieces treated them as both an exotic species and people it was our job to understand, understand being that word that means both to comprehend and to grant some sort of indulgence to. Now that Trump has lost the 2020 election, the Los Angeles Times has given their editorial page over to letters from Trump voters, who had exactly the sort of predictable things to say we have been hearing for far more than four years, thanks to the New York Times and what came to seem like about 11,000 other news outlets hanging on the every word of every white supremacist they could convince to go on the record.

The letters editor headed this section with, “In my decade editing this page, there has never been a period when quarreling readers have seemed so implacably at odds with each other, as if they get their facts and values from different universes. As one small attempt to bridge the divide, we are providing today a page full of letters from Trump supporters.” The implication is the usual one: we—urban multiethnic liberal-to-radical only-partly-Christian America—need to spend more time understanding MAGA America. The demands do not go the other way. Fox and Ted Cruz and the Federalist have not chastised their audiences, I feel pretty confident, with urgings to enter into discourse with, say, Black Lives Matter activists, rabbis, imams, abortion providers, undocumented valedictorians, or tenured lesbians. When only half the divide is being tasked with making the peace, there is no peace to be made, but there is a unilateral surrender on offer. We are told to consider this bipartisanship, but the very word means both sides abandon their partisanship, and Mitch McConnell and company have absolutely no interest in doing that.

Paul Waldman wrote a valuable column in the Washington Post a few years ago, in which he pointed out that this discord is valuable fuel to right-wing operatives: “The assumption is that if Democrats simply choose to deploy this powerful tool of respect, then minds will be changed and votes will follow. This belief, widespread though it may be, is stunningly naive.” He notes that the sense of being disrespected “doesn’t come from the policies advocated by the Democratic Party, and it doesn’t come from the things Democratic politicians say. Where does it come from? An entire industry that’s devoted to convincing white people that liberal elitists look down on them. The right has a gigantic media apparatus that is devoted to convincing people that liberals disrespect them, plus a political party whose leaders all understand that that idea is key to their political project and so join in the chorus at every opportunity.”

There’s also often a devil’s bargain buried in all this, that you flatter and, yeah, respect these white people who think this country is theirs by throwing other people under the bus—by disrespecting immigrants and queer people and feminists and their rights and views. And you reinforce that constituency’s sense that they matter more than other people when you pander like this, and pretty much all the problems we’ve faced over the past four years, to say nothing of the last five hundred, come from this sense of white people being more important than nonwhites, Christians than non-Christians, native-born than immigrant, male than female, straight than queer, cis-gender than trans.

Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito just complained that “you can’t say that marriage is a union between one man and one woman. Now it’s considered bigotry.” This is a standard complaint of the right: the real victim is the racist who has been called a racist, not the victim of his racism, the real oppression is to be impeded in your freedom to oppress. And of course Alito is disingenuous; you can say that stuff against marriage equality (and he did). Then other people can call you a bigot, because they get to have opinions too, but in his scheme such dissent is intolerable, which is fun coming from a member of the party whose devotees wore “fuck your feelings” shirts at its rallies and popularized the term “snowflake.”

Nevertheless, we get this hopelessly naïve version of centrism, of the idea that if we’re nicer to the other side there will be no other side, just one big happy family. This inanity is also applied to the questions of belief and fact and principle, with some muddled cocktail of moral relativism and therapists’ “everyone’s feelings are valid” applied to everything. But the truth is not some compromise halfway between the truth and the lie, the fact and the delusion, the scientists and the propagandists. And the ethical is not halfway between white supremacists and human rights activists, rapists and feminists, synagogue massacrists and Jews, xenophobes and immigrants, delusional transphobes and trans people. Who the hell wants unity with Nazis until and unless they stop being Nazis?

I think our side, if you’ll forgive my ongoing shorthand and binary logic, has something to offer everyone and we can and must win in the long run by offering it, and offering it via better stories and better means to make those stories reach everyone. We actually want to see everyone have a living wage, access to healthcare, and lives unburdened by medical, student, and housing debt. We want this to be a thriving planet when the babies born this year turn 80 in 2100. But the recommended compromise means abandoning and diluting our stories, not fortifying and improving them (and finding ways for them to actually reach the rest of America, rather than having them warped or shut out altogether). I’ve spent much of my adult life watching politicians like Bill Clinton and, at times, Barack Obama sell out their own side to placate the other, with dismal results, and I pray that times have changed enough that Joe Biden will not do it all over again.

Among the other problems with the LA Times’s editor’s statement is that one side has a lot of things that do not deserve to be called facts, and their values are too often advocacy for harming many of us on the other side. Not to pick on one news outlet: Sunday, the Washington Post ran a front-page sub-head about the #millionMAGAmarch that read “On stark display in the nation’s capital were two irreconcilable versions of America, each refusing to accept what the other considered to be undeniable fact.” Except that one side did have actual facts, notably that Donald J. Trump lost the election, and the other had hot and steamy delusions.

I can comprehend, and do, that lots of people don’t believe climate change is real, but is there some great benefit in me listening, again, to those who refuse to listen to the global community of scientists and see the evidence before our eyes? A lot of why the right doesn’t “understand” climate change is that climate change tells us everything is connected, everything we do has far-reaching repercussions, and we’re responsible for the whole, a message at odds with their idealization of a version of freedom that smells a lot like disconnection and irresponsibility. But also climate denial is the result of fossil fuel companies and the politicians they bought spreading propaganda and lies for profit, and I understand that better than the people who believe it. If half of us believe the earth is flat, we do not make peace by settling on it being halfway between round and flat. Those of us who know it’s round will not recruit them through compromise. We all know that you do better bringing people out of delusion by being kind and inviting than by mocking them, but that’s inviting them to come over, which is not the same thing as heading in their direction.

The editor spoke of facts, and he spoke of values. In the past four years too many members of the right have been emboldened to carry out those values as violence. One of the t-shirts at the #millionMAGAmarch this weekend: “Pinochet did nothing wrong.” Except stage a coup, torture and disappear tens of thousands of Chileans, and violate laws and rights. A right-wing conspiracy to overthrow the Michigan government and kidnap Governor Gretchen Whitmer was recently uncovered, racists shot some Black Lives Matter protestors and plowed their cars into a lot of protests this summer. The El Paso anti-immigrant massacre was only a year ago; the Pittsburgh synagogue massacre two years ago, the Charlottesville white-supremacist rally in which Heather Heyer was killed three years ago (and of course there have been innumerable smaller incidents all along). Do we need to bridge the divide between Nazis and non-Nazis? Because part of the problem is that we have an appeasement economy, a system that is supposed to be greased by being nice to the other side.

Appeasement didn’t work in the 1930s and it won’t work now. That doesn’t mean that people have to be angry or hate back or hostile, but it does mean they have to stand on principle and defend what’s under attack. There are situations in which there is no common ground worth standing on, let alone hiking over to. If Nazis wanted to reach out and find common ground and understand us, they probably would not have had that tiki-torch parade full of white men bellowing “Jews will not replace us” and, also, they would not be Nazis. Being Nazis, white supremacists, misogynists, transphobes is all part of a project of refusing to understand as part of refusing to respect. It is a minority position but by granting it deference we give it, over and over, the power of a majority position.

In fact the whole Republican Party, since long before Trump, has committed itself to the antidemocratic project of trying to create a narrower electorate rather than win a wider vote. They have invested in voter suppression as a key tactic to win, and the votes they try to suppress are those of Black voters and other voters of color. That is a brutally corrupt refusal to allow those citizens the rights guaranteed to them by law. Having failed to prevent enough Black people from voting in the recent election, they are striving mightily to discard their votes after the fact. What do you do with people who think they matter more than other people? Catering to them reinforces that belief, that they are central to the nation’s life, they are more important, and their views must prevail. Deference to intolerance feeds intolerance.

Years ago the linguist George Lakoff wrote that Democrats operate as kindly nurturance-oriented mothers to the citizenry, Republicans as stern discipline-oriented fathers. But the relationship between the two parties is a marriage, between an overly deferential wife and an overbearing and often abusive husband (think of how we got our last two Supreme Court justices and failed to get Merrick Garland). The Hill just ran a headline that declared “GOP Senators say that a Warren nomination would divide Republicans.” I am pretty sure they didn’t run headlines that said, “Democratic Senators say a Pompeo (or Bolton or Perdue or Sessions) nomination would divide Democrats.” I grew up in an era where wives who were beaten were expected to do more to soothe their husbands and not challenge them, and this carries on as the degrading politics of our abusive national marriage.

Some of us don’t know how to win. Others can’t believe they ever lost or will lose or should, and their intransigence constitutes a kind of threat. That’s why the victors of the recent election are being told in countless ways to go grovel before the losers. This unilateral surrender is how misogyny and racism are baked into a lot of liberal and centrist as well as right-wing positions, this idea that some people need to be flattered and buffered even when they are harming the people who are supposed to do the flattering and buffering, even when they are the minority, even when they’re breaking the law or lost the election. Lakoff didn’t quite get to the point of saying that this nation lives in a household full of what domestic abuse advocates call coercive control, in which one partner’s threats, intimidations, devaluations, and general shouting down control the other.

This is what marriages were before feminism, with the abused wife urged to placate and soothe the furious husband. Feminism is good for everything, and it’s a good model for seeing that this is both outrageous and a recipe for failure. It didn’t work in marriages, and it never was the abused partner’s job to prevent the abuse by surrendering ground and rights and voice. It is not working as national policy either. Now is an excellent time to stand on principle and defend what we value, and I believe it’s a winning strategy too, or at least brings us closer to winning than surrender does. Also, it’s worth repeating, we won, and being gracious in victory is still being victorious.

[Rebecca Solnit’s first media job was in fact-checking and her last book is the memoir Recollections of My Nonexistence. She’s sent a lot of mail to her nieces and nephews during the pandemic.]

#words and writing #Rebecca Solnit #Recollections of My Nonexistence #feminism #assault on the Capitol #Corrupt GOP #Criminal GOP #abuse #words and writiing #my favorites #Nazis

1 note · View note

astrologysvt · 5 years ago

Text

Chart First Impressions: Joshua

For more SVT astrology posts, follow my blog! Check out my masterlist to see all the readings I’ve done so far and what I’ve got coming up! 💫

This is just a very general reading of the member’s charts — the parts that popped out to me, things I personally liked, things I thought were interesting or contrary to the image I have of them. I’m not looking at anything in particular with each reading. Some of their readings may be more aspect focused, where some may just focus solely on their personal planets and their signs. If you have any questions on specific aspects or want to request a more specific reading, feel free to send me an ask!

damn, that moon.

that moon is roooough.

lmao, this moon is a lot to unpack so it’s gonna take up this entire reading i’m sorry

with such an earthy and logical chart, it’s almost a good thing for him to have such an afflicted moon because otherwise the emotional and feeling part of himself would never be challenged or explored (unless imposed onto him externally)

but based on his chart, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s had a hard time understanding himself emotionally.

also considering that capricorns have a rep for being prone to difficulties with processing emotions healthily and consistently, I’m sure this is an area he has struggled with in some way shape or form.

or, if anything, an area in his life he has often had to take into extra account.

with so many hard aspects, confronting this part of his life is almost unavoidable if not the epicenter of his own personal development.

anyway, his moon square mercury & moon square uranus are constantly making him doubt his emotions. Not only does he struggle to understand them, but there is an inherent distrust of his emotions that he may struggle to overcome.

there is a constant questioning on whether to trust the mind or the heart.

inversely, his moon TRINE jupiter gives him a super bleeding and generous heart while his moon square neptune also makes him incredibly perceptive, sensitive, and intuitive.

moon in hard aspect to neptune not only heightens the intensity of his emotional responses, but he may experience a sense of delusion. He may struggle to understand what he’s feeling vs. what is actually happening. furthering this sense of emotional distrust within him.

additionally, he reacts intensely and notices so much, but his first reaction may be to invalidate.

his mind can’t trust his own intuition, while his intuition is skeptical of his mind’s pure logics.

his moon is square venus which would make it hard for him to understand how to express his affection, as well as figure out how to get his need for affection met.

this can manifest for a lot of people very differently.

sometimes that’d mean they seldom express affection as there simply isn’t a path for these feelings to be released.

with joshua, he may still express affection, it may just be a bit awkward, random, or forced sometimes. mainly because, again, it doesn’t just flow through him like it does for others and he may struggle in identifying when it’s needed.

other more emotionally intuitive members like wonwoo and dk may find themselves moving to comfort without even realizing, simply because they’re so in tune with the others they are just drawn to where their attention is needed.

more logical and practical members like joshua are still capable of offering this comfort, it just goes through a much more intellect driven filter. “is that person acting weird? why would they be upset? does that make sense? what could have happened? should i leave them alone? should i comfort them? hmmmm maybe I should ask. maybe i’m making it all up.”

and for joshua in particular, learning how to shorten that process is a mixture of getting to know the people he loves and studying their habits, as well as learning to trust his gut more and more.

his moon square venus also creates a conflict between his own emotional needs, and the needs of others. this can make him a people pleaser, a yes-man, a serial romantic.

he may struggle to identify when a situation is no longer serving him and when to step away.

in different stages of his life he may struggle to leave or move on from relationships, and on the other side of the spectrum he may find himself being that “serial romantic.” this can greatly depend on how his other aspects manifest.

his taurus moon square capricorn mars also heightens his emotional responses and could potentially lead to boiling/explosive anger.

this would simultaneously trigger his softer, sensitive, nurturing parts of himself that would hate those reactions while further fueling his self-distrust.

we can also look at this in the more literal aspects of these planets.

his desire to act (mars) is fighting for dominance with his emotions (moon), which can very unevenly distribute the emotionally-charged and turbulent energies that can arise in moments of discord.

both his moon and mars are in earth signs which can mean he experiences long periods where he is totally fine and very reasonable. they’re both very stable, down-to-earth, and mellow signs and can often find areas of understanding and agreement with each other even though they’re in this hard aspect.

a taurus moon seeks comfort and familiarity which keeps his cap mars in a easy place where it isn’t challenged very often.

the issue is, is that taurus can be much more easily provoked than a cap mars can. a cap mars can be cool and collected, even in moments of anger where as a taurus moon can 100% blow up if pushed too far, made too uncomfortable, or are challenged too much.

where taurus may decide “that’s enough i’ve had it” a capricorn may simply file it away to be attended to later and more strategically.

and with that, his cap mars HATES being at his taurus moon’s mercy when provoked. this is something that his cap influence would be very frustrated with as he’d much more comfortably depend on his own internal stability than external forces while his taurus moon can’t help but feel flustered by certain things.

this is why the members consider him a TERRIFYING person to see angry.

he is so calm and collected for so long thanks to both of these signs, but this aspect creates a tension where his capricorn mars tries to censor his taurus moon and which further activates his taurus moon’s super indignant and headstrong attitude/frustration.

and once his cap mars decides he’s had enough i can see it playing out in one of two ways.

1) he’s trigger happy, super frustrated and cannot hide it. either he becomes visually upset or he starts getting short with people over the smallest things

2) he continues to boil until one person steps out of line, and from there you get a perfectly compiled list of reasons why you shouldn’t have done that specific thing and also what everyone else is doing wrong.

but to put it simply, i watched a lot of joshua angry videos and compilations and i didn’t see even a hint of ACTUAL joshua anger (at least what i’d expect from his chart)

he’s super controlled with it on the day to day and is incredibly composed, which is why he is such a scary guy if you piss him off. it’s so unexpected and sooooooo much more deeper and intense than you ever could have predicted.

this can tend to be a very discouraging habit for him as he has two parts of his personality that intrinsically HATE when he has outbursts or even feeeeels anger to that degree.

one being his earth and cap influences that hate the feeling of losing control.

and two being his softer aspects i mentioned before like his moon trine jupiter and moon square neptune.

because he has this super soft and empathetic side to him, he probably feels immense guilt in the aftermath of his outbursts and can create this series of events where he finally gets these things off his chest, and then immediately backs away from them because, once the negative feelings have been released, his resolve dramatically lessens.

not only that, but his judgement on when and when not to act is inhibited due to this moon square mars so he may end up getting mad at the wrong people at the wrong time.

and the unfortunate thing about all of this is that joshua really doesn’t have a clear path of expression in his chart when it comes to the more turbulent and moody aspects of our personalities thanks to this afflicted moon.

these emotions boil inside of him, both good and bad, and they go every which way to try and find some kind of release.

often times, especially when he was younger, he may have found that he wasn’t comfortable expressing them in any specific way so eventually they’d just explode one way or another.

this may have made him appear much more unpredictable, impulsive, and hot-headed than he actually inherently is.

so if you had told me he had a rebellious streak as a kid i’d totally believe you.

often times earth signs with this kind of energy end up doing some stupid things as kids simply to exert control over themselves to counterbalance the instability they may be experiencing internally.

if you know someone similar who has mellowed out over the years, that’s because they had gotten to know themselves and found different ways of expressing their emotions and exerting control.

but this is were i really really gotta put a huge disclaimer because i don’t know joshua, i can only look at his mannerisms, the things he says, and generally just try and read his energy through videos and how he acts in a group.

i think these are fun things to consider but i would never treat this reading as fact unless he were to, for some wild reason, validate it.

but lets wrap this up because this is getting long.

the funny thing with moon placements is they all kind of hint towards a strong influence on the part of a mother or a nurturing “motherly” figure in general.

the nature of the influence can be determined based on if the relationship with this mother-figure is either good, bad, or absent (though we know it’s not absent and is pretty clearly a positive influence for him).

if it’s bad, he may resent this part of himself that’s so hyper aware of his emotional shortcomings.

if it’s good, then these aspects are far easier to deal with and — in certain situations — can be entirely nulled.

but most importantly, if neither of those, he’d at least be able to find value in them.

obviously these things are more nuanced than that, but these are some of the few ways you can interpret such a strong emphasis on the moon.

so many hard aspects in his moon have activated and created awareness of himself that may have remained dormant and unexplored.

i’m only using depression as an analogy (I don’t know joshua’s life) but it’s very similar to explaining your depression to someone who has had similar experiences before vs someone who hasn’t.

sure, someone who hasn’t can understand the gist but they wont understand the severity and they wont understand the nuance.

thanks to Joshua’s afflicted moon, after a lot of growth and time, he will inherently be able to understand the nuance of other people’s emotions as well as his own.

#seventeen #svt #joshua hong #hong jisoo #joshua #lmao i promise there are more uplifting joshua readings to come #that moon was just so wild tho it had to take a whole post

47 notes · View notes

fuck0ffnleavemealone · 4 years ago

Text

What I wish I could've said

Since the last post I made was fueled by emotions, so I'll give this post more effort

let me get a few things straight.

I believe what you told me. Because I'm done playing games, I thought I knew you. I really did.

But the more time passed I started to question if I could be wrong. And after all you said and did, I can't say that I recognise you.

Yes, you were a broken person. And to many extends you still are. But you changed in those years we spent together. I saw it in you, especially in the talk we had after my birthday and you can't deny that.

Let me also say that I definitely agree that our relationship was doomed to fail because we both didn't improve ourselves in ways we should have. That's why I can say that I'm glad it ended the first time. We were young, dumb, and had spent no time appart to determine if we were ever truly going to work as individuals. I defined myself by you. You made me who I am today, you gave me my name and with that an opportunity to grow. To live not defined by my past.

I won't deny that I should have known that the things I did would have a deeper effect on you. Even if they were small to me, such as liking photos. And I will never again defend the worse things I did or that I slept with a different person. And for all it's worth I see that nothing justifies what I did. I did what I did because I didn't think as I do now so i made a wrong choice. It's that simple. I hurt you because I didn't think. Though that does not mean it is less painful to admit

contrary to what you believe I see what you mean. Intimacy has become something that I cherish. Something I don't want to share with anyone else besides the person I love. And it has been like that ever since I saw what I did to you. While kissing still might be more special to me than to others I know that it is just an abnormality on my side.

I have chosen to adhere to my rules.

For you I'm honestly glad that you seem to be prioritizing yourself. Even if I think that you might have a few steps to go. I'm glad you're taking the journey, that's all I ever wanted for you.

Although I really have to say that starting a relationship while you yourself are still on the way of figuring things out/ or if you just ended things with someone you loved/ love, is something that is morally questionable. Because I've been there. But I decided against It because I will never again hurt the people who love/like me if I can help it.

I can't say more. Because I really don't wanna argue with you. Yes we have different views, that's actually what I enjoyed about us. As I saw in recent times, a perfect partner wouldn't make me happy. You may not realise it but a large part of my change is thanks to you. For that I thank you. From my view it really hurt to see you do the same thing you did with Serhart. Because it is not a conincidence that you chose your new guy. An anti me. But comparing the two of us is not fair to him and me. Especially when you seem to know that I changed a whole lot.

But for all it's worth, and as much as it may hurt to know that someone else is making you laugh now. I hope it makes you feel a little less shitty and I hope that I was special enough to not be a completely bad memory.

In regards to toxicity, yes. You are one of the most toxic people I've ever met. And I don't say this to hurt you but because I know where it comes from. That's why I took every beating you gave me. Because I knew that most of those words weren't what represented you. But that doesn't make it right. I'm glad you know what you did to me. Even though I think you might not see the whole picture. But I'm sure I dont see yours as complete either.

In regards to our relationship, yes we didn't work out. I knew that I have accepted that. What I wanted to achieve was greater than that. I said I wanted to be there because that is truly what I want. I wanted to be as important to you as you were to me. Simply a person that's there for good. You didn't have to be my girlfriend.

Although I hoped that maybe after a few more experiences or simply enough time that we would realise that we both had something very special that does not come often. A feeling. Something I could not feel for anyone else and something that just made me like it was all worth it. Atleast for me. Even tho I really saw what made our relationship difficult. I was glad that we were different enough to grow and learn. I'm sure you're not the same person you were when we started dating. And that was my point. People change, in both directions.

I just really wanted to be there to see the change and maybe even help you. Because at the end of the day I would always enjoy your company. Even if it would just be once a month for a coffee and some shit talk.

As for the point that you never felt good enough. I know, and I'm really sorry you felt like that and that I contributed to your feelings of inadequacy. But I assure you that in my fucked up mind, you were always what I wanted. I just often thought that you would wake up one day and realise you didn't want me anymore. So I did stupid things to hide how attached I truly was to you. Ironically is that the reason why I acted the way no normal person does and I drove you away from me in the first place. We both had issues, once again. That's why i thought it would be good if we split up, because I knew that as long as you weren't gone for good. I'd get my shit together eventually.

You tried to give me a chance. But if I'm honest, you never did. That's why I still think I was treated unfairly by you. Because if we just look at what happened after that time. I really tried to fit myself to you. I gave you your space as much as I could and only tried to do what you wanted. I might not have been very good at it and Im Sure I sent wrong signals from time to talk me. but I just wanted to lay low till you were strong enough to give me the love I knew you were capable of but needed time. I was happy just being with you. All I wanted in return was honesty.

This is probably the one thing you won't change my mind about. My big problem is that in the end I feel like you didn't really respect me at all. And that made me think I wasn't worth it. (I know that this might be shitty to hear from me, but having delusions is not something that only you gotta deal with) That you couldn't look me in my eyes and hurt me. Knowing it was the right thing to do. And all the on, off, on and off after that hurt me even more. Because I told you explicit that I would understand if you don't want to be with me, but you should've told me right there in that car. Because I knew I couldn't take one more ride on the "I'm not sure" rollercoaster. And you looked me in my eyes and told me you loved me. That is all I needed to hear to give you my heart once more. Because I saw you really meant it.

Then you still broke up with me over text and sent me a lot of mixed signals which didn't make it better (the last night we slept together)

I feel like a person who cared even a little bit about me wouldn't have done that to me because love is a deep form of respect and appreciation. (But that is my thing "view" I cannot change, just like you with my sleeping with someone else.)

And that is why it's so hard to let go. Because the last time I really saw you, we made love. You held me and showed me that there was still something between us. And then you left. So in my head, all of that is still very real for me. I never saw the person I loved again. It's almost like you died and I never got to say goodbye. Because if you did give me the chance for a goodbye. I could've let you go easier. I wouldn't be sitting here simping for a person who told me time and time again how much distaste, disgust and hate she feels for me. Because you know I have my weird quirks, this is one of them. If it's not in person, it doesn't quite feel real.

The truth is, I wanna let you go, focus more on me than I already do. Let you live your life without having all these mixed feelings towards you. To have my good memories while being able to move on (not into a relationship because that is nothing I really want right now, but the form of platonic love I experience right now)

I saw what all the thoughts of me did to you. That's why I actually wanted to talk to you a few days before you broke things of. I wanted some time away from me for you. I wanted to let you heal and experience the world like you could not have done before. Because I knew it would be good for you. But I would always be there in case you needed someone. I'm sorry I didn't tell you these things earlier

I'm glad you regret what you did to me. I'm glad we both regret things, because that's the first step of change. It doesn't make right what we did. But i am okay with the fact that it is a good thing that I can see now how wrong and hurtful I could be. Because I know I could never be like that again.

It makes me truly sad to hear what you went through, and I never wanted that for you. One reason I wanted to give us both a clean cut, so we could heal better and healthier. But to be clear, I went down a dark part as well. I guess you could read my suicide attempt out those lines. Or the time random people had to save me from alcohol poisoning. I did a lot of horrible things to myself, and that's noones fault. I think if I hated you it would have been easier but because I didn't let my pain turn to hate I went out of control.

I did not want to exist in a world where the only person I was ever ready to love. The person who made me what I am, and the one whom I wanted to grow old with. threw me away just to replace me like a used napkin, because that's what it felt like.

But similar to you, I know that that I am worth much more than I thought I was. I deserve love and respect. Most of all from myself. And that is the person I have to learn to love first before I can ever be right for anyone else.

I hope you find the best person you can be. And don't choose the easy path because it's convenient. Life is fucking hard right now. But our mistakes make us who we are. Show us how we can grow and change as people.

No I didn't only think about who suffered more. The thing is that I didn't see you suffer. I only heard bits and parts that made it seem like you didn't. That you were okay, that not having me in your life wasnt a big deal. So I felt betrayed. I felt like you lied to me. Like you used me. Which I thought you did.

Yes you told me you didn't wanna talk. But I told you why it was so important to me, because I thought I could still talk to you on a base of respect. And I still stand by that. I'm aware it would have been hard for you. But sometimes it's about doing the right thing, giving someone that what they need just because you can and know it will help them. But you did not and that is what I still don't understand. Because I can imagine how you feel about me. But just justifying dissapearing by "I don't owe you anything" makes you seem like a coward or someone who doesn't know how to respect anyone they dont love (anymore)

I thought of us both, because even though you might think the opposite. I am sure it would have helped us to come to an end. Because what i asked for wasnt “taking the whole hand” ( casue in that case i dont know what the small finger was, you even texting me back is not something i should have to be thankful for) It was simply my last try to do things right. Because that is what humans want, people want closure. Thats one of the most common desires.

I'm sorry you think I don't want to listen. Because I do. I really wanted to know what was wrong. I wanted to know what went on Inside your head. But it is really hard to know what to believe because you lied to me so much that I don't know anymore what is your mask and your coping mechanisms and what is the real you. no matter how often you say them. I sadly cannot believe them because I can't see your face to know if it's really the truth.

I regret how I treated you and that things didn't work out. As I said once, I really wish I would have met you in five years. When you're doing great, and I'm finally good enough to myself to be good for someone else.

I don't think love ever truly goes, I think you reach a point where you realise you either love enough to see that things werent working out and that people need time appart or even a split for good and to not see eachother again. Or that you realise that the love wasn't ever really there.

Because anything less isn't love in my mind.

But that does not mean I'm right or that anyone else has to live by these standards.

Yes it hurts to read those words and to think about that you really believe in them. That there is no true end. But just a stop. To hear that it "was love" for you, because I still don't know when that ended. I'm sorry that it is this hard for me to accept. But I know about myself now that once I love. I love for good.

I sadly still think I won't love again. Because I don't know how to stop loving you. Believe me I want to stop. But at the same time I don't want to because I remember what made me love you in the first place.

That's not your fault, I'm aware I might make it very hard for myself. But thats just the way I do things. I don't wanna be like my mom and blame everyone else and just spend my life hating everyone. I accept that I love, and I accept that I can't show it ever again.

I hope I will make it through this as much as I hope you do the same. And that you know deep inside that I never meant to hurt you. That I'm not as bad as a person as you tell yourself I am. Because yes, I have my fuckups now and then (you are a very sensitive point for me emotionally, so i get triggered really easily when it's regarding you)

But I think you'd be proud of me if you saw me acting around and caring about my friends. Kicking out people who use me. Standing up for myself when people think they can push me around just cause they are bigger or think they are more important. If you saw me going about my day even tho I'm not feeling fine. Me still existing even tho I almost stopped to. I don't think I'm toxic. (That's what a toxic person would say I guess) I just think I have the capacity to do things I'm not proud of but I also know I will be better in the future.

And from the bottom of my heart I really wish you the best in your life. From yourself and from everyone around you. I hope that you fail as much as possible, to know how to improve. And then I hope you succeed with what you truly want to do and who you want to be. I hope you one day look back on this as a fond memories. Because I know I will. Because I will always remeber you as what you are to me. and who knows. maybe ill see you again in 30 years and i can smile because you could have found your way and i could have found mine. Ill never know what the future holds

It's really hard for me to see you go. Because I really want to be a part of you and your journey. But I never meant to stop you. I guess you listened to your heart and it told you what to do. You don't seem to want me and as sad as that makes me. Looks like what we joked around once turned out to be true.

It eez what it eez

Yours truly

Moe

Ps: this is the last I'll say on the topic, everything else doesn't need to be said again. I will stop looking at your Tumblr.( So maybe don't reply to this. if you ever even read it. ) Even tho it is the last thing that let me check on you. But I want to try and heal. and I cant do that if my phone reminds me everyday of what I miss most. Eventually I will be fine. Even tho im scared of the future. The universe didnt let me die for a reason. I just have to find what that reason is.

4 notes · View notes

p-artsypants · 5 years ago

Text

Longest Night (13) Resisting

And Marinette had thought Highschool had been hard. Right now, in this moment, she’d give anything to go back to those petty arguments and gossip fueled drama.

But she couldn’t. Instead, she and Adrien were trapped here, being punished, humiliated, tortured, for being heroes, all broadcasted for the world to see. At least she and her kitty were in this together. For now. Whump!Fic

Ao3 | FF.net

Sorry this chapter is a day late. Busy weekend.

I thought I was going back to torture, but I have more I want to tell during this time stretch. Later in this fic, I anticipate there will be a few back to back chapters of torture. Since I won’t always show them from the watcher’s point of view.

—

Alya and Nino returned to school. It was nearing lunch time, but everyone was still in class, allowing Rena Rouge and Carapace to slip into their respective bathrooms undetected.

“Hey pretty girl,” said Trixx sympathetically, “how you doing?”

“I…I’m not great.”

“That’s okay.” The little fox said, nuzzling her cheek. “It’s okay to be upset, especially in this situation. But you’ve got me, Nino, Wayzz, and the parents.”

Alya smiled a little at that. “Thanks Trixx. It’s nice to have encouragement in my pocket.”

The bell rang, indicating that lunch was starting and students would be coming out soon. The fox grinned back and then swooped into his hiding place.

Nino was waiting for her outside, and held out his hand as she approached.

She worried her lip, “hey um…I’m…I’m not sure if I’m up to going to class. After all that…”

“I think we should.” Nino said simply. “Our classmates know what’s happening, and they know how close we are. I think it’s best if we’re around a group of people that can support us, rather than be alone in Adrien’s room.”

She thought about it for a moment, and then agreed. “I’ll give it a shot.”

“Let’s see if we can find a group to tag along with to lunch, huh?”

Coming back into the courtyard, they noticed plenty of schoolmates milling around and chatting. Upper classmen, lower classmen, other classes, they were all just together in the courtyard. But the aura was rather somber.

In one such circle were several students, including Kim, Mylene, Rose, and Juleka (unfortunately, the most gullible group in the class) gathered around a bench.

“Hey guys,” said Nino, approaching. Though his voice stopped when realized someone else was talking.

Lila.

“Of course, the FBI even came to talk to me! All the way from the U.S.! Since I am Ladybug’s best friend, I would be a large target. They thought that maybe Salo would try to use me against them. But as Rena Rouge, I would be able to defend myself. I’m actually stronger than Ladybug and Chat Noir, but that power is exhausting, so I have to just be an auxiliary member.”

Nino cleared his throat, and the group parted like the red sea, revealing Lila who looked smug and not the least bit stricken. Despite what they knew she saw yesterday.

“You guys aren’t actually believing this garbage, are you?” Nino asked with malice.

It’s exactly what Alya was thinking, but she was overcome with so much rage, she wasn’t able to articulate any sentences.

“Well…” began Mylene. “No one knows who Rena Rouge is…”

“It’s not her.” Said Alya, shaking.

“How do you know?” Asked Kim. “Ladybug and Chat Noir don’t know each other’s identities, so maybe whoever gave them their Miraculous also gave Lila one.”

Alya tightened her fist. “I talked to Ladybug about this. Only the Ladybug and Black Cat where given by…the Guardian. Ladybug has dealt all the others. And I’m 100% certain she didn’t give it to you.”

“What’s your proof?” Asked Kim, challenging her.

“What’s hers!?” Alya shrieked. “She admitted to lying about Marinette taking those photos! Why are any of you giving her the time of day?!”

Lila had that faux look of concern on her face. “Why Alya, you mean you didn’t know?”

“…know what?” Alya asked, with her heart in her shoes.

“Marinette’s not really Ladybug. And Adrien isn’t Chat Noir. The stream is a performance piece. I thought, surely you would know! I know the director and he told me all about—“

The next second, Lila was on the ground, again, her nose bleeding like a fountain.

“Don’t. You. Dare.” Alya seethed. “You bitch.”

People were backing away from the two quickly, eyes to the sky.

“Alya!” Lila cried out. “You need to calm down! It’s not that big of a deal!”

“You’re…a piece…of shit.” Alya managed out between her grit teeth and heavy sobs. “It is a big deal! I don’t know if you live in some sort of fantasy or delusion, but you will not drag everyone else into it! Marinette and Adrien, Ladybug and Chat Noir, are in hell, being tortured on live stream and you have—you have the gaul to make it about you! You disgust me! I can’t believe I ever listened to you!”

“Alya!!” Nino shouted, startling her.

But it wasn’t enough warning. A long forgotten chill ran down her spine and purple light covered her vision.

“So, we meet again, Miss Cesaire.” Hawkmoth’s voice was thick with concern, and false comfort.

“No!” Alya shouted, gripping her head. “Leave me alone! I won’t—I won’t listen to you! I—I can’t! They need me!”

“They certainly do. And I’m going to help you save them.”

“I will never work with you! Leave me alone! Leave me alone!”

The butterfly flew out of the fox pendant around her neck, and flapped around in the air innocently. It waited a moment, and then departed from wince it came.

Alya fell to her knees, sobbing. Nino was at her side instantly, holding her and trying to stay calm himself, though he was boiling inside.

No one spoke for a moment, but all were eager to hear who would speak up.

Lila recovered first. “Look Alya. I’m really sorry. I know it’s hard to find out that your friendship with someone...isn’t as mutual as you thought. Maybe Marinette just didn’t tell you. I know her and I don’t see eye to eye after I caught her stalking Adrien, but I swear this all isn’t as horrible as it seems.”

“That’s enough,” a sharp voice spoke.

A young woman, a fellow student, stepped into the group. Usually one to keep her head down, but never one to back away from the fight. And Lila sure looked like the enemy here.

Kagami Tsurugi crossed her arms and stared Lila down with a scowl. “Can’t you see you’re hurting them?”

Lila twitched her eyebrow at the appearance of this new foe. “I don’t know what you mean! Alya’s thinking the worst, but it really is a performance piece. A prank, really.”

“I meant, you’re not just hurting those two, but Adrien and Marinette.”

Lila scoffed. “I just thought everyone deserved the truth!”

“They do!” Kagami barked. “And you’re not giving it to them!”

“I swear I am!”

“Then swear to Mr. Agreste!” Kagami spat. “He called my mother this morning to cancel a meeting, and he was extremely upset. Of course he has no idea where Adrien is, and he’s beside himself!”

“Oh, Mr. Agreste didn’t know about it? I’ll make sure to let him know.”

Kagami barked out a laugh. “You’re really trying to say that Mr. Agreste didn’t know about an activity that Adrien was participating in? One on such a national scale? Yeah right.”

“M-maybe the director forgot to mention it?”

Kagami rolled her eyes. “You’re pathetic. Not only do you refuse to admit to your failures, you refuse to understand that the world doesn’t revolve around you. I thought you were in love with Adrien.”

“I-I-I am! We’re dating! Look!” She took out her phone, where the picture of her kissing Adrien on the cheek shone as her wallpaper.

“You already used that against me.” Kagami said blankly, “that photo is a couple years old now. That’s the only photo of you two together?”

“I-I...I was just—“

“Lying. Wasting everyone’s time. Giving false hope. Taking attention away from where it’s supposed to belong. You scum.”

Lila clenched her fists in anger, and then stalked off in rage.

Kagami sighed, her shoulders releasing from her tight hold.

“That was...really cool.” Nino stated, still kneeling on the ground. Alya wasn’t crying anymore thankfully.

“Thank you, for that.” She stated, wiping her eyes. “I don’t usually have a hard time arguing with people, but this is...” Alya shook her head. “Lila is so good at improvising lies. It makes it impossible to convince people otherwise...Marinette was never able to.”

Kagami held her hands out. “Come on. We’re going to lunch. I’m Kagami Tsurugi.”

“Yeah,” said Alya, automatically taking her hand. “Alya Cesaire.”

“Nino Lahiffe.”

—

Alya and Nino decided to return to the Agreste mansion for lunch, mostly just to check in with Tom and Sabine.

Nathalie looked at the three that entered, and nodded to Kagami. “I hope you all brought your appetites.” She said dryly, leading them to the dining room.

“Huh?”

Inside, there were platters and platters of pastries and breads of all sorts of varieties.

Tom was bringing out another tray from the kitchen. “Oh! You’re back! Please kids, feel free to help yourselves!”

“Did you make all of this, Mr. Dupain?” Asked Nino.

“Ah, Yeah...But, I think I may have gone a bit overboard. I can’t sit still! I know I can’t do anything to help, but I’m just—I can’t just sit around worrying. We’ll be giving whatever we don’t eat to the soup kitchen, but feel free to take whatever you want back with you.” Then he noticed Kagami. “Ah, sorry, I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Tom, Marinette’s father.”

“Kagami. Adrien’s friend.”

“Well, I’ll go get Sabine and we’ll all have a proper meal. We’ve got stuff for sandwiches! I’ve got sliced ham and roast beef and mustard and so many cheeses...” he continued to talk as he left the room.

Kagami smiled softly as he left. “Marinette is a lot like her parents then.”

“Yeah, they’re crazy close.” Nino supplied, “I’m surprised they’re taking this so well.”

“You think this is taking it well?” Asked Alya, gesturing to the spread.

Nino shrugged.

They both sat at the table, and glanced through the food. As much as they hated to admit it, they were both hungry from their morning activities.

Despite what they had seen before that.

“It’s okay, Kagami, come and sit down.” Nino beckoned.

The girl nodded at took a seat as well.

Tom returned with yet another platter, of sandwich fixings, before he left again without a word, his mind seemingly in another place.

“So…” began Alya. “Not that I’m complaining or anything, but why did you want to have lunch with us?”

“To talk.” Kagami answered simply, cutting into a ciabatta roll with a knife.

“About something specific, or are you just lonely?”

She paused, then answered, “A little of both, I think.” She looked to Alya, who was very much still suffering from the after effects of her near akumatization. “I’ve seen you two the most, on their instagrams. You’re the ones they’re the most close too. I knew if I needed to talk to someone, surely I could trust you.”

Alya offered a sad little smile. “I see. We…we’ll listen if you need us to, but…” She sighed. “It’s hard.”

“I know.” Kagami put her sandwich down, having taken two bites. She wasn’t that hungry anyways. “I thought—I thought I loved Adrien.”

Nino choked on his sandwich. “Oh dude, sorry!” He coughed. “I’m super bad in the love department.”

Kagami shook her head. “I don’t need advice. I just…I’ve been thinking about things. All my life, I’ve had to strive for perfection. Grades, arts, fencing…everything. So, naturally, when it came to having a crush, it fell on Adrien. He was…perfect. Gorgeous, kind, smart, talented…everything I ever could have wanted. To find out that…that this whole time, he’s been Chat Noir…it felt like I was being lied to.”

Nino folded his hands in front of him. “Yeah…it felt like that for me for a little bit. Just long enough for it to sink in that he had hid his identity from me for so long, before it was replaced with worry for his well being.”

Kagami looked at her plate. “You’re a better friend than I. I…I was only angry. I felt deceived. Chat Noir…he’s not bad. He’s a hero, of course, but…he’s reckless, goofy, and just…doesn’t take things seriously. Those I qualities I resent in people.” She rubbed under her eye. “If his secret was more…secret, I guess, more private, that is, I might not have been so angry. Like if he was a closeted alcoholic, or he was a messy person, I might not have been so mad. But because he’s shown to be two different people, so publicly…I felt like I didn’t know who my friend was. Who was the real Adrien? The model, or the superhero?” She shook her head. “Then I realized that I didn’t actually love him at all. I idolized him. I fantasized being together, because I thought we would be good together. But that’s what I get for putting him on a pedestal.

“I realize that saying all of this is…extremely selfish and shallow. Adrien doesn’t deserve that. He needs people that love and support both sides of him, in and out of the mask. Now, more than ever. And…and I know I’m not the only person who’s felt this way. All over the internet, girls are talking about how disappointed they are to find out who he is…if I knew how to hack, I’d erase all those comments before Adrien got the chance to see them. And…and Marinette. She deserves so much of my respect. She…she had, or still has, a crush on Adrien, and she still volunteered to accompany him on a date with me, because he was nervous. She put her own heart on the line for the comfort of her friend. She really is Ladybug.”

“You don’t have to beat yourself up so much.” Said Alya, finally breaking her silence. “You deserve someone that you can love wholly and completely, without their flaws feeling like they’re ‘tainting perfection’.”

“That…would be nice…but it’s not going to happen. I’m sorry if what I said offended you. It know it must be hard to hear someone talk about your friend like that…”

“Do you hate him?” Asked Nino. “Now, with everything you know?”

Kagami shook her head easily. “No. But now, more than ever, I realize that I’ve never really been a good friend. To either of them. So I want to help. In any way I can.”

Alya sighed in relief. “Well…directly, there’s not much we can do. We can watch the streams, and look and listen for clues and report them to investigators. But we don’t have the resources to do more than that.”

“I see…”

“But,” said Alya, with a little more hope in her voice. “There is something we can do. There’s someone out there spreading lies and trying to make this whole thing seem not as bad as it actually is.”

“You mean that Lila girl?”

“Yep. Most of our class knows better, since we were basically all together when the stream went live. But…some are still gullible. We have to stop her now. I took down her interview where she claimed to be Ladybug’s best friend, but a lot of people saw that. No doubt, reporters will try to find her to ask questions. That would…that would be devastating.”

Kagami stood, taking her sandwich and wrapping it up in a napkin. “I will take care of it. It seems like Lila is a sore topic for you.”

“A sore topic is putting it nicely. She incites me to violence.”

“And that doesn’t help anybody.”

“Exactly. Thanks…Sorry we couldn’t really make you feel better about Adrien.” Alya sighed.

But Kagami had a soft smile on her face. “I’ll get over it myself. For now, I just want to do what’s right.” She nodded her head. “Give my thanks to Mr. Dupain for the sandwich. The bread is fantastic.”

It was at that moment that Tom came back out, this time with a stack of boxes. “Oh are you leaving? Here, take this and fill it with whatever looks good. Take it home for your family.”

Kagami couldn’t help but giggle a little. The man was so warm and kind.

It was reassuring to know that when Adrien and Marinette got out, they’d have a man like him to take care of them.

Not that she thought badly of Gabriel, of course. But she couldn’t imagine him having good bedside manners.

She would also need to work on her stoic disposition. Anything to get Adrien to smile again.

—

After lunch, Alya and Nino returned to school. Strengthened by her conversation with Kagami, Alya felt a little better. She would go and talk to the other classmates to see what they were believing in this mess.

Nino walked with her, holding her hand. Though he didn’t say much until they reached the locker room. “Hey Al?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“What…what did Hawkmoth say to you earlier? Do you remember?”

She closed her locker, biting her lip in thought. “I do. It’s just…it’s weird.”

“What?”

“He called me by my name. I was sure that he addressed people as their akumatized names.”

“Oh? What else did he say?”

“I told him to go away, and that they needed me. He said ‘indeed they do, and I want to help you find them.’”

Nino frowned in thought. “That…that is weird. And you’d think he’d have plenty of people to akumatize. Watching the stream had been more upsetting than listening to Lila.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Alya took out her phone and took down some notes. “I wonder…what Hawkmoth is thinking.”

“He’s probably thinking of the best way to get those miraculous while causing the least amount of damage, since there is no Ladybug to fix things.”

She typed it out. “That’s a good theory. For now, we’ll keep our eyes peeled for akumas. He ought to be looking for another victim soon.” She turned to leave the room, but managed to bump into someone, knocking their books out of their hands.

“I’m so sorry!” Alya gasped.

“It’s fine Alya.” Said the girl. Though Alya didn’t recognize her at first. Was it another new student?

Blonde hair tied up in a messy bun, track pants, and a hoodie.

“Do I know you?” Alya asked.

The other student looked up with a weak glare. “Oh please, I know I look horrible. But it’s not that bad.”

Alya’s eyes blew wide. “Chloe?”

“Who else?”

“I just…I’ve never seen you without makeup before. It was…jarring.”

“Yeah well…I didn’t feel like putting on makeup, or doing my hair, or wearing a cute outfit…because…because Adrien and Marinette probably haven’t gotten to even take a shower, or—or brush their hair…” She let out a sob.

“Oh Chloe…” Alya found herself saying with great sympathy.

“No. Don’t talk to me like that. Please just…keep being sassy. Let me have some normalcy for a little while.”

“Okay.” Agreed Alya. She cleared her throat. “Uh, geez Chloe, can you fit any more rats up in that bun?”

Chloe’s response was watery. “Can you fit any more in yours?”

Alya gave her a little smile. “We’ll work on it.”

—

In the classroom, Alya was swarmed by classmates, all running to hug her. Rose was bawling her eyes out. “Alya! I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have listened to Lila! I was—I was just so scared for Marinette and Adrien and to hear that they weren’t actually in trouble was so nice and-and—!”

Alya hugged her tightly. “It’s okay Rose. I understand. I almost wanted to believe her too. But…That’s not fair to Adrien and Marinette.”

“I feel stupid,” said Kim. “For even giving her any attention. It’s not gonna happen again.”

“What did that bitch say this time?” asked Chloe.

“She was trying to convince people that Adrien and Marinette weren’t actually being tortured. That they weren’t actually Ladybug and Chat Noir, and that they were only doing a performance piece. When Alya called her out, Lila kept lying and Alya almost got akumatized.”

Chloe seethed. “No one does that to my Adrikins! Of course he’s Chat Noir! How could anyone doubt that he’s so selfless and caring and wonderful and—he’s a hero! And Dupain-Cheng—!” Her voice choked on a sob. “My daddy will be hearing about this! I’ll get her banished from the city! No! The country!”

Alya had the smallest hint of a smile at that. “Now that, is something I’d like to see.”

“Let’s all make a pact.” Said Nathaniel.

“Yeah, a blood oath.” Said Alix, with gusto.

“No…” Nathaniel clarified. “I mean, let’s just all swear from here on out to take everything Lila says with a grain of salt, and to do whatever we can to support Adrien and Marinette, now and when they get out…especially Marinette.”

Congratulations Lila, you made good on your threat. You’ve turned everyone against me, just like you said you would. But I’m ending things on my own terms. If you ever need me again, think twice.

Everyone seemed to remember her final words to them collectively. She only delivered them two days ago, but it already felt so long ago.

“Didn’t Marinette say something about a threat?” Asked Alix, aloud.

“…maybe…there’s more to Lila than we thought.”

Juleka broke the silence, standing up and looking at her phone. “Uh, Alya…? Have you updated your blog?”

“No, I haven’t even looked at it since this all happened. Why?”

“Uh…you should…”

Quickly, Alya took out her phone and opened her blog tab.

Right there on the front page, where everyone would see it, was a brand new post that she hadn’t written at all. It was short, but the contents were chilling.

There was a link. And the caption stated, “Hawkmoth. We need to talk. —Salo.”

—

I made Kagami kind of shallow. But I’m basing it off her behavior in Onee-chan.

And I’m going camping in a few days, so I’m taking a week off of this story. Who knows when the next update will be? Not me!

#longest night #miraculous ladybug #ml #ladybug #chat noir #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #nino lahiffe #alya cesaire #kagami tsurugi #fanfiction #adrinette #djwifi #chloe bourgeois

32 notes · View notes

idk-my-aesthetic · 5 years ago

Text

past, present, future

aka mal, evie, and carlos on magic, their parents, and the isle

this is actually a repost of this bc freaking tumblr deleted all my text when i tried to change on tag on the og post so i had to delete it bc it started glitching. sigh.

*jay is getting his own fic which is why he’s not in this, more info below

***comment on the mal part i use a weird combo of the live action remake maleficent and the og one. Its like maleficent was still queen of the moors but she was actually evil and not all sympathetic like she is in the live action movies….

TW!!- obvious discussion of child abuse in semi-graphic detail for the majority of the fic, and a breif s*lf h*rm refrence. It's only a sentence or two long, a general ref/description ig, basically has to do w/ evie freaking out if ppl think she is ugly/a failure bc of her mom’s abuse.

=========================================================================================

To Mal, magic was her blood. It was her history, her lineage. She was a fae, birthed to continue her mother’s legacy. Created to reclaim the throne her mother lost in her madness and cruelty, to conquer their lost land, to live up to the expectations put upon her at birth. Her magic was but an extension of that, her birthright, everything she was supposed to be, everything she would one day become.

Using it was both terrifying, and liberating. She was evil, something she’d known for years, but she feared becoming like her mother. A fear she had admitted only once, whispered to three others in the dead of night.

There was a difference in their evil. Her mother’s was unnecessary, powered by delusions of grandeur, random cruelty brought about for her own amusement. Mal saw her own evil as practical, an armor she would use to protect herself, and later her crew. She would use it to get them food, make enemies too afraid to attack them, keep them all as well and alive as she could. She could use her evil, and the fear it caused, to get whatever she wanted, whatever they needed. It gave her power.

Evil was power.

Power was safety.

(Though, could you truly call a child seeking protection evil?)

She knew she would one day have to complete the tasks her mother set out for her, but she refused to do them like the woman herself would. She refused to turn to unneeded cruelty, to hurt those she cared for. She would reclaim their homeland on her own terms.

She would be her own kind of evil, different from her mother’s, even if they used the same magic, read the same spellbook, had the same blood. She would burn her mother's legacy and build her own, build herself from the ashes and leave her mother behind as nothing more than a faded memory, forgotten in her daughter’s shadow. And she would rise from the beaten depths of the Isle, bringing those most important with her, and give them the lives they deserved.

(That was her dream, fueled by Carlos’s invention and their new ability to steal magic from the barrier. To free them all, and give a better life to those she loved. It would come true, one day soon, different than she ever expected. Though she was right that she would reclaim her birthright on her own terms, those terms have nothing to do with the evil she now thinks she is.)

(She will learn she was never truly evil to begin with. She will make her magic truly her own, completely untainted by her mother’s wishes. She will reclaim the lost moors, and she will fill it with the love and light her mother destroyed, those she loves by her side.)

-=+=-

To Evie, magic was a tool. She had no real feelings to it, like how a writer feels no fondness for pens, nor a painter for brushes. She used alchemy books to mix beauty products for her mother, keeping the old woman preoccupied with something else, allowing Evie precious moments of freedom from her mother’s “love”. The word was so mutated in the queen’s mind, as if her unending barrage of insults was the same as Mal’s soft smile, Carlos’s beautiful rambling, Jay’s protective arms.

The best use for her magic was concocting healing brews, things she could give to her gang to save them even a bit of pain. A cream to clear the bruises on Carlos's chest, small packets for Jay to trade so he need not steal while injured, a bite of apple to save Mal’s life. Things to protect the three most important people in her life.

(Though, she had a hidden use for these healing salves too. A secret mix to hide scars, to blend discolorations in with the rest of her skin. She used it only when she truly needed, the others would easily tell if every scar she once had disappeared. But, if she ended up bleeding in the middle of the night, scratching at her skin and sobbing because her mother was right she was so ugly and useless and worthless, and said scratches disappeared before morning, well, no one would ever need to know they ever existed.

Because, truly, what right did she have to complain? What gave her the right cry and sob because her mother said something cruel? The others had parents who beat them till they bled, how could her mother’s words ever compare? Even if her mother screamed until her voice was raw, even if she repeated that Evie was ugly and worthless until the girl could do nothing but believe it herself, even if she forced her to avoid even the small amounts of food they could scrounge up, weakinging her to the point of fainting, possibly death if the others hadn't shoved food in her hands and forced her to eat, as if hurting herself would make her more beautiful.

Even if the Evil Queen, known for her own effortless beauty and even more effortless cruelty, hammered that lesson into the child’s head. That beauty is pain and the only way to have worth is to hurt and you must hurt to be loved, and if you are not in pain you are not beautiful you are not trying hard enough you are failing and they will all leave and you will be left with nothing but pain and your own ugliness.)

So, Evie was thankful for her magic, thankful she could heal those she loved, and hide things that would hurt them. Thankful she could keep her mother’s suspicion away, when the old woman’s view shifted from seeing Evie as an extension of herself to seeing her daughter as a competitor, someone who was out to betray her and take her place. A gift could appease the woman, at least for a bit, reminding her that the child before her had hair too light, skin too dark, lips too pale to be the girl the queen despised. Not that the queen wouldn't try to change that, pushing the child to look more beautiful than the girl who bested her, then punishing the child for being more beautiful than herself.

Her mother’s erraticy gave Evie some odd mix of both hatred and jealousy for her half sister. Her mother wanted her to be more beautiful than Snow White, going as far as to try and even bleach her daughter’s skin, forcing Evie to be the subject of dozens of ill advised experiments to make the girl “beautiful”. Evie hated her sister for the standard she set, for leaving her on the Isle, for their mother’s obsession. But she was desperately jealous of her, desperately wanted to be just as beautiful, partly so her mother would leave her be, but more so she would never lose the love she held so dear.

She feared that more than all, more than death itself, losing those she loved.

She’d heard tales of true love since birth, heard the idea scoffed at and hated. Told it was something for Aradon royalty, something she would never have, should never want. And yet, despite all that, despite the evil in her, the evil surrounding them, she had it. Had it with three incredible people she loved more than anything. But she knew she wasn't as beautiful as the princess in auradon, knew she wasn't as good as them. What if she lost it? What if the most important people in her life left, because she wasn't beautiful enough to be worthy of their love?

(One day, she will learn that beauty is not worth. One day she will learn her three-turned-four lovers would never leave her, least of all over something so meaningless. She will learn that she is beautiful because she is kind, and that those who love her do so for her mind not her body. And she will learn that she need not live to please them, that they will always exist as pillars of support in her life, but she will be able to go and become her own person, do what she wishes without worrying if what she wants would make them dislike her, make them want to leave. She will be able to grow and heal with them, work with them to build a life for themselves and a safe world for the other children like them. One day she will speak with her sister, using the cup bought just for her, something she will have done a thousand times before. And she won’t be cured, the memories of her mother’s voice will always haunt her, but she will have people who love her back home, and wedding rings comfortably heavy on her fingers, and kids to pick up later from school, and the knowledge that the lost children of the Isle are free, and the memories will be pushed away with ease.

One day she will use her magic to help her heal, not hide her pain.

That future may be far away, too far for her to see where she is now, trapped on the Isle, believing lies about love and herself. But it exists, and it’s waiting for her.)

-=+=-

To Carlos, his magic was inconsequential. As far as he was concerned, it didn’t exist. The only evidence of it was a flash of pain, quick, white hot burning in his chest when he pulled pure magic from his device on accident. And when he blinked the stars from his eyes, when he managed to pull breath into his lungs again, when he finally quelled the panic rising in his chest, he forced himself to ignore what had just happened. He made himself believe that the pain, the sudden surge of power, the overcoming sense of dread, was some kind of fluke, some byproduct of the barrier. Pure mortals must not handle magic well, he decided, and let the memory fade to the back of his mind.

Because it was easier. It was easier to let himself believe that he had no magic, to deny the obvious in front of him. It was easier to ignore the instinctual feeling that this magic was his, that there was something darker about it, darker than the magic of the barrier or Mal’s spells.

It was easier, because to accept it would be to face it. And to face it would mean he would have to use this magic, this magic that felt so instinctually wrong, yet so much his.

The magic felt evil, and even on this Isle of the forgotten, where evil was revealed in, evil was celebrated, he feared becoming evil himself. Because to him, there was very little true evil on the isle. The evil belonged to the adults, the ones banished for their actions. Jafar, Maleficent, the Evil Queen. His mother.

The other children may see themselves as cruel and evil, but he saw the truth. They were neutral, survivors in this abandoned wasteland. Born with evil inside them, and countering it with enough good to turn their black hearts gray. Protecting each other, caring for others, helping in the backhanded way you only understood if you grew up in a world where kindness brought pain.

And yet, despite the fact that any impartial party would tell you they were all the same, he saw himself as different from the rest. He could see the good they did, see them balance the scales to keep themselves from falling into evil. But no matter what he did, it never felt like enough. He felt as if he was teetering on the edge of a cliff, held up by nothing more than a fraying rope. And if he accepted this magic, it would slice straight through, sending him to his doom.

(He was too close to see the good he did. His mother’s screaming of how he was so horrid to her, how he brought her so much pain, how much she wished he was a good son confused him. He saw himself as bad, and saw that as an easy descent into evil, an easy descent into becoming those who had hurt him and those he loved.)

(He didn’t want to be evil, evil like Maleficent who would snap Mal’s bones with cold eyes. Evil like Jafar who’d beat Jay for bringing one to few things home. Evil like the Queen, who’d lie and scream and dim the brightness of Evie’s smile. Evil like his mother, who would hurt and hurt and hurt and never stop as long as it got her what she wanted, never feel remorse for the pain she brought.)

So he did with his magic what he did with his other problems, forget. Forcing them to the back of his mind, focusing on the immediate, focusing on surviving day to day. And you can’t blame him, not really. On the Isle every day is about making sure you live to your next, and that you can bring a handful of others with you.

And it may not have been his fault, but in doing so, in pushing aside the pain it brought and forcing himself to forget, he created more problems for himself. Because his magic would not go away, same with how pretending his mother didn’t exist didn’t simply make her disappear.

(One day, he will be forced to face this magic, to accept it as part of himself. It will bring him pain he doesn't deserve, but he will overcome it, four others by his side. He will realize that the evil he felt was nothing more than a reflection of his own fears, that he could never truly become evil. Because he didn’t want to be, won’t want to be, will never find joy in causing others pain. The things that will make him happy are bright days and small animals and unconventional dates and the laughter of children trying chocolate for the first time.

He will realize he could never be evil, never turn into those who hurt him. Never become his mother. And he will face his other problems, the ones so buried he hadn't thought of them in years, and he will overcome those too.)

-=+=-

im trash so i didn’t bother putting the italics in. it takes 20 minutes im sorry....

edit: i wnet back and added them uwu

jay’s getting his own fic which is basically one of these^^ but longer w/ fully written scenes lol. and uhhhh idr what i put in my a/n before but this is related to my other works/part of a series so please check out my ao3 ily https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Pluto

edit: so i felt like i needed to give more info ig?? i gave carlos magic bc im using it as a metaphor in my d1/d2/d3 rewrites, which uhhh part of are posted but not really the magic parts yet.... trust me for rn lol,,,, ty for reading!!!

#descendants #my writing #evie descendants #mal descendants #carlos descendants #carlos de vil #mal daughter of maleficent #evie daughter of the evil queen

12 notes · View notes