#thank you to the multiple people who liked every single post i've made for reminding me about this blog

[spireclangen]

Moon 8 - year 1 - leaf-fall (part 3/3)

[exittapes]

…And it was then that the high really kicked in… I am enveloped by an artificial liquid that can stimulate through impenetrable material… The idea of having a politician to represent you is a holdover from a time before mass-communication and they don't deserve a job in our economy. Only the wealthy need the political system to protect themselves from poor people protecting each other. Ask any parent, a lack of responsibility in a person's life can destroy their ambitions towards success. Not having a vote that matters has caused the elderly to crest this nation on the back of their old ideas. And they've made revolution near-impossible. But ideas can still alter the course of the land's majesty. Where our true royalty is in the beauty of the lives that either have to go without or have to chosen to live modestly. The many just need power. How much time do we waste on trivial resolutions for the accruement of technology deadweight? Could that effort be spent controlling the rebuilding of our nation? As voting reminds me of who we are in a yearly standardized test of our empathy, we must remember that many are still confused about where they stand. I think more voting equates to a better education. Where most youth in the last thirty-plus years have to learned read at a "higher level" thanks to an involvement in the latest social constructs, whether that is messaging each other online or posting their earliest opinions that they've yet to overcome, we've been forced to listen to those who've prevented their own inner-dialogue from advancing through privilege, religiosity, false modesty and ensuring that control has its outlets for continuing unimpeded by the conditions generated their remorseless killing throughout the rest of the world. They do want unity. They only wish for everyone to pray to their morning beverages that they have a job tomorrow, as do the politicians that know their employment is a worthless luxury next to the people's ability to dictate policy through direct-action. Which is what a monthly online voting promises. We will need a new president every four weeks or so. To sign what the people themselves have voted into existence. And we could just hire animals to sign at that point, honestly. From a randomized list of every single one of them. …During the period of phasing out our politicians, we should hire them like we do class presidents in public schools, to commune in generating opinions for new legislation to be signed by the citizens… To teach us how they run the machinery… "Yeah, sure, run it into the ground…" as a poet once said… Robert Anton Wilson once said, paraphrased, that the largest conspiracy on Earth is of the dumb to keep everyone as stupid as their idiot children… And our world is built with as many crutches as possible for such children earn these titles… How many ingredients in foods provide us with nothing but genotoxicity and how addictive is that state of artificial symbiosis in our bodies? These demonic boxes of overpriced goods are another reality tunnel that the mind cannot often recognize is affecting their own ability to protect what makes us civil… Do you really believe that there is a form of dieting that is not addictive? When your routine of just waking up is not usually what the body demands and yet does anyway because the world we've built is an antihuman nightmare… Accept that our lives are more dangerous than the ones on television to sanity of our neighborhoods… Because what we do never stops permeating around us… Meaning an abused child can destroy a city block faster than the garbage truck not showing up… What William S. Burroughs might've referred to as a situation with The Nova Heat written all over it… Let's talk about aliens… I've never been abducted but I've encountered multiple inter-dimensional entities offering their own literature and seen unidentified flying objects paint with the clouds themselves… Yes, I am an experienced communicator with many forms of angelic technology… I've built boxes of rain with the sound of manic-depressive automobile karaoke…

[ben-10-setting-omnicrom]

Hi there.

There is so much wrong with nearly every recent post you’ve made. Let’s list them:

1: You publicly insult someone’s innocent headcanons by screenshooting them and not including them in the post.

2: When people call out your problematic behavior, you find ways to defend yourself when it’s behavior that’s super bad.

3: You continue to harass people when they again, call you out on horrible behavior.

I used to be a fan of ours. You were a bit assertive, but it wasn’t that bad. When I realized how you act toward to other people, I realized I can’t associate myself with someone who’s a real jerk toward other people.

If you don’t like a headcanon, don’t interact with it. If you do, don’t shame them for thinking differently than you. Instead, if you do interact, say you don’t agree, give your own headcanon on the subject, and say you respectfully disagree. That’s how it’s supposed to be. It would be boring if people thought the same way. I’ve seen a ton of headcanons I disagree with, and I’m still respectful toward the creator.

More than likely your blog will be one of the first people discover when they get into the fandom. I know this because this happened to me. Your behavior will paint the image that the entirety of the Ben 10 fandom are all jerks

Also, this whole “racist” this is total BS. I can’t even understand how you came up with that statement. You do realize that cracker means a bragging liar? Literally no idea where you came up with that.

I’ll end this with a question. Do you really want to be known as the “Ben 10 Diva?” Because that’s what everyone I’ve interacted with knows you as.

I really hope you realize what you’re doing is wrong, because, as I said before, I really was a fan, but I just couldn’t continue after I realized what an awful person you are. Same goes with your friend @xcatxgirlx. Seeing how nasty you two are to other people just really sat wrong with me.

Thank you.

Lmao. What.

Cracker was CLEARLY used in a racial manner by @littlemisstfp she literally has a history of using race in front of shit as if it makes her remarks any more cutting.

Cracker is a slur too don't try to act ignorant.

Slang: Disparaging and Offensive. a contemptuous term used to refer to a white person in the South, especially a poor white living in some rural parts of the southeastern U.S.

I wouldn't call any headcanons that support anti LGBTQ+ views for a peacekeeping organization innocent neither of ones that paint a whole species as bigots that practically enslave another race (one they created no less) when both views would NECESSITATE the person headcanoning it to cherry pick disjointed evidence, ignore or straight up make up context, and purposely act like said conclusions are Obviously Right™.

I've literally already explained what the screenshots are for multiple times, which YOU'D KNOW if you actually read my posts.

Here let me quote one instance lmao.

"Also I've said it before but screenshots are for preservation purposes and context clarification so no party can say the things said weren't said."

Lmao oh yes clearly @xcatxgirlx and myself are the nasty ones not the racists that randomly call people slurs or continually insult other people or pile up on you when you disagree with the absurd delusional notion that all of a given media is Copoganda. Cleeeeeeeeearly.

I quite frankly don't give a single fuck what people refer to me as. You can hate me to your dying breath and I wouldn't give a single shit nor lose any sleep over it.

Also thanks for reminding me people might stumble upon my blog first when looking up Ben 10 stuff! I'll pin this post now so people can see my views and how I don't tolerate shit like racism.

Since as I've said before calling them out for being racist IS NECESSARY. No one should be unaware of terrible shit like this and if you disagree you're LITERALLY part of the problem and how shit like racism spreads.

Also it's hilarious you think MY behavior will do that when a prolific Ben 10 writer has straight up said she is thinking about leaving due to the toxic views of a small minority.

My behavior has never been the problem and neither has @xcatxgirlx or @noctisimperialistic. It's a small echo chamber that gangs up on people and propagates bs and pedals it as Obvious Facts™.

Edit

I'm editing this post to further shine a light on the racists, racist apologists, and general deniers of white people being able to be targets of racism/cracker being a slur. I would link to specific posts but that's too much effort on my part. Considering a number of them have started to try and Kung Pow Penis troll me I really don't think they deserve the effort if they can't even troll me with honest effort. I'm sure more are to come out of the woodworks though so this list will definitely be updated in the future.

To those below and those that agree with any of their racist sentiments.

All racism is just as bad as any other, no matter the race it's pointed at. Just like all sexism is equally bad. Just like how all agism is equally bad.

YOU DON'T GET TO CHERRY PICK CAUSES AND THINGS THAT "ACTUALLY HURT" BECAUSE THE WORLD DOESN'T END WITH YOU. To say otherwise is fucking disgusting and shows a complete lack of empathy and care for your fellow human beings.

@littlemisstfp

@transwiththeplans

@cannedburrito60-2

@brookenstash

@suntann

@thebeanbaby

@hostilepopcorn

@strawberryoverlord

@bethanysblog

@dessam

@itsnotsh

@owltoss

@orderlysummit

@typhra

@boyorchard

@pizzaaapastaaa

@dracofelin

@theangrycomet

@avian248

@aureumdraconeus

@atomic-darth

@obsesssedshame

@syaorankero

@the-cosmic-goddess

@m321xx

@abcleverun

@lenin-it-to-win-it

@nitkat360

@actiontoongorlz

@megatronscheesesticks

@suspiciously-gay

@green-tea-served-icy

@piscciss

____

A showcase of how terrible @transwiththeplans really is, lightyears ahead of anyone else on that list

For any if you complaining about being put on the list or viewing it as harassment (lmao) let me enlighten you on how being guilty by association works

[stonertransdad]

Life Update since I hadn't been on here in forever

The pandemic was/is wild! Lockdowns started literally around the time we were going to the fertility specialist to get her pregnant. I lost my job to COVID in March shortly before we did the procedure, but we decided there's never really a good time to have a kid. Why not during a global pandemic when one of us in unemployed? (BTW, I don't recommend having a kid during a pandemic. Not being able to go to all of the appointments and having to sit in the parking lot was brutal.)

Let's talk about May friends...it was rough. (TW for mention of suicide btw. I'll post a gif where it's safe to start again if you wanna skip over it.)

So May 1st is the anniversary of my father's suicide. It had been 4 years. I found his body and since he wasn't married, I had to handle his affairs and arrange his funeral. May 1st, 2020 my wife and I had a Zoom game night with our friends and I got drunk because everyone was drinking (except my wife because she was pregnant). After our game night at like 2am, I had a psychotic break. I threatened to kill myself numerous times. My wife tried to talk me down, but eventually called the cops to take me. I thank her for that because looking back, that was the moment I knew something needed to change. I was convinced the cops were gonna kill me because I'm a trans dude in rural West Texas. I legit took the phone out of my wife's hand, hung up on 911, and yeeted her phone across the backyard and tried to hop the fence. Eventually the cops came and talked me down. They took me to the hospital an hour away in handcuffs (for their protection I did nothing wrong). They took me to the religious hospital that I was born in. So when they looked up my info by my name and date of birth from my driver's license (I only changed my middle name) literally all my paperwork and my bracelet had my deadname and wrong gender despite all of my legal stuff saying male with my new middle name. I mentioned it to them and they didn't care. They misgendered me the entire time I was there. I had hit my head hella hard on the bath tub when my wife was trying to snap me out of it, did the hospital even check me for concussion? Nope. I had punched so many things and my hand and wrist were swollen and discolored. Did they check out my hand and wrist? Nope. I was there for over 10 hours before I was able to convince them I was okay and that it was just the alcohol. Did I mention during that 10 hours I was literally out in the hall on a gurney with no mask and this was when COVID was running rampant in Texas (the first time)? I heard people die that night. I had nothing to distract me because they took away all of my personal items and clothes. My wife picked me up and we went home and I have been sober ever since. It's not the first psychotic break I've had with alcohol in my system. Alcohol just doesn't agree with me, but I'm finding new things to replace it with.

TW has been lifted...it's safe now.

A couple of weeks after that I began teletherapy because I had been on the same mood stabilizer and anti-depressant for almost a decade. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense that I felt like it hadn't been working for at least a year. This is a reminder to check in with your doctor if you feel like your meds aren't working. You may just need a different dose or a new med. There's no shame in that. I bounced around on various medications trying to find the right combo, some side effects scarier than others, but we got there. Before this, I had been diagnosed with ADHD, Major Depressive Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. My therapist threw out my Borderline diagnosis and said it was CPTSD instead, which made sense.

Fast forward to December because my wife was pregnant, I was unemployed still, and we did absolutely fuck-all because the global panini was still raging.

Our son was born on December 3, 2020. He weighed 5lbs 9oz and scared the ever loving shit out of us. He wasn't breathing when he was born so they called NICU in ASAP. I'm freaking out because I can hear and see what's going on while my wife was asking if he was okay as they put her guts back in place to sew her up. 5 or so minutes pass and a nurse asks if I want her to take some pictures. I'm like is he okay, he still hasn't cried. She's like "oh yeah, he's chillin." This goon was being held by a nurse and was just looking around not crying or anything. Chillest baby ever (he still is btw). I held him next to my wife's head until it was time to go back to the room. Little dude did have to spend 4 nights in the NICU because he couldn't keep his sugars or temperature regulated, but he was healthy otherwise. He's now 4 months old and is starting to sit up on his own a little bit and he's OBSESSED with standing. He's still a little guy, but very healthy and growing like a weed. He saves my life daily.

So after being unemployed for over 9 months, I started a new job working in a call center. I absolutely hate talking on the phone. It gives me anxiety and throws me into panic attacks, but I had been putting out hundreds of job applications since I lost my last job and this was the first offer I got. I wasn't really in a position to turn it down since my unemployment had ran out 2 months prior. It was 2 months of training, then we'd be on our own. I got thru the training and thought I could handle it...until they started putting us on live calls with someone helping us if we got stuck. My mental health hit the lowest point it had in a few years and my wife was terrified she was going to lose me. She convinced me to quit on February 28th (not because I didn't want to, but because I'm a stubborn ass who felt guilty). My meds got tweaked a little bit more dosage wise during this mess.

Starting about mid-February, I was experiencing severe shakiness, tremors, and spasms. I've always been a shaky person and never really thought too much about it, but at some points I could barely feed myself, or get a drink, or hold my son. On March 7th, I tried to make an appointment with my doctor about the weird symptoms I was experiencing, but she was out of town and her next opening wasn't until the 31st. My body said that won't work and my wife rushed me to the ER on the 9th...I had begun having seizures that day. I had no previous history of seizures. Got to the ER and had a seizure literally as I was walking thru the door, so they rushed me straight back. They took some blood and that was literally it. No MRI. No CT. They pumped me full of Ativan and said it was just a panic attack and to go home and chill.

Spoiler Alert: It wasn't just anxiety. I was having 20+ seizures a day. On the 10th, my wife rushed me to a different hospital...the good hospital over an hour away. First we had to drop off our gremlin with my mom to make things a little easier. Yet again, I had a seizure as I walked in the door and was taken back immediately. I don't really remember much because they kept pumping me full of Ativan and morphine because I had been in excruciating pain from the number of seizures I'd had. I do remember them doing a CT pretty quickly after I got there. Then they weren't happy with the results of the CT, so they took me to get an MRI, which showed possible signs of Multiple Sclerosis (but I didn't find that out until AFTER the notes showed up in my patient portal after being home a few days, so I raised hell...more on that later.) They did a 24 hour EEG on me and it showed nothing abnormal. Also, EEG glue is a bitch on your hair and scalp. After looking at everything and given my previous mental health history, they diagnosed me with Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures, or PNES. It is a subset of Functional Neurologic Disorder, or FND. I couldn't walk well anymore and had to use a walker when I was discharged. I was in the hospital for 3 days.

When I had my follow-up appointment on the 23rd, I asked why the possibility of MS was never mentioned to me since it was very clearly in the notes. The doctor didn't have an explanation. He called in a referral to neurology so I could get a 2nd MRI to confirm MS and marked it as high priority. He also didn't take my pain seriously. My pain levels had been at a 5 or higher every single minute since they took me off of the morphine in the hospital. He told me to keep taking prescription strength doses of ibuprofen and Tylenol, which I had been. I let him know I had been and it didn't even take the edge off the pain. He ignored me. Leading up to this appointment, I had also added urinary incontinence to my growing list of symptoms and was forced to wear diapers so I didn't have to do laundry all the time. The doctor also took me off my ADHD meds because they were lowering my seizure threshold. He also took me off of my sleeping meds and nightmare meds for the same reason I'm assuming.

I kept my appointment on the 31st with my primary doctor because she's been my doctor for 5 years now and I knew she'd take my pain seriously. She did. She immediately wrote me prescriptions for a muscle relaxer and Tylenol 4. She also told me that my referral had been rejected by neuro. She said my case wasn't a good one for what she called a "wallet biopsy" and the doctors in neurology could be real assholes. She immediately sent the referral to other locations to get an approval. I am still waiting on that despite it being marked as high priority. She wrote me a prescription for a wheelchair because we both agreed my wheelchair was not enough for particular days.

Yesterday my wheelchair was finally ready for pickup, so my wife drove me to go get it. I'm still unable to drive due to my seizures and my tremors and twitches as it's predominantly in my legs and arms. I am an ambulatory wheelchair user now. Some days I can go short distances without my walker, some days I can't go without my walker, some days I can't even get out of bed, and some days I will be using my wheelchair. Don't judge a book by its cover, not all disabilities are visible. I have managed to keep my daily seizure count down in single digits and have even had a few seizure free days. They are still incredibly taxing on my body. I feel like I can't ever replenish my spoons fast enough to keep up with anything in my life.

So all in all, life has been chaotic. We are moving from Texas to New Mexico in the next few weeks, which should be interesting considering I can't overdo it without throwing myself into seizures. We will be closer to my mother-in-law so she can help us with our son and I can start resting a bit more on the more difficult days. Being a stay-at-home dad with an invisible illness has been one of the most challenging things I've done in my life, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Sorry this is so long. I just wanted to update my followers since it's been over a year since I posted before a few days ago.

[earthtomaggie]

Long time MARS fan.. for over a decade or so. However recently I've been questioning my allegiance to the band. The reasons why are too long to explain in this ask however I expressed them already in my video "Thoughts On... Ex-Fan Exposes JARED LETO" on YouTube. What are your thoughts on the points I made such as my experience meeting him in person and his bro-mance with known sexual predator Terry Richardson?

Okay. I watched your video. There are things i agree with and that i disagree with, but my personal issues with the band these days are different ones. But I definitely share your feeling of questioning my allegiance; but i am three steps ahead of you. I’m done with all of it.

I honestly don’t care if Jared is involved with the illuminati (I don’t believe he is),  but you reminded me of something else: his sometimes reckless use of symbols and runes. he doesn’t come up himself with the symbols for the echelon or mars itself, he repurposes old ones, and that’s not just culturally insensitive, but also just… wrong. I remembered an old youtube upload (used to be called Olympic Spirit) that’s was deleted; thank god i save everything:

He either used the swastika as the buddhists use it, which stands for prosperity and good luck, or (and that’s what I as a German immediately thought) the swastika as the Nazis used it!! In “Mein Kampf” Hitler says the swastika represents “the mission of the struggle for the victory of the Aryan man, and, by the same token, the victory of the idea of creative work”. I don’t think Jared is a Nazi, but the fact that he used a symbol and just attached a new meaning to it is just… wrong. These symbols have meanings that people that aren’t familiar with the weird MARS symbology associate with them! Not to mention that he actually stuck his “own” symbol in there as well, which he stole from the orthodox church. Speaking of church, the new mars symbol is also stolen:

For me as a  Christian, this is just insulting. The band was crucified like Jesus? What is this supposed to mean? Answer: Jared has a massive God complex, like we’ve seen at their shows. When in “this is war” it says “the victor, the messiah”, for “Messiah” Jared opens his arms and lets the crowd call him their messiah. Same with the orthodox cross. What on earth does this have to do with HIM?! Nothing, except he thinks of himself like some kind of God. Ugh. 

That he hangs out with Terry Richardson, well.. whatever. These women still run to his studio and let him take their picture and nobody ever called the police. And since Jared actually likes him.. no i’m not going to defend this. I don’t care though. I also don’t believe he drinks the blood of children, sorry. I think that’s ridiculous. He just has exceptionally good genes, just look at his mom, and he’s an actor. that isn’t his real hair color. it’s all an illusion that he’s putting on so that we’re all at his feet, worshiping the ground he walks on.

The reason i stopped listening to them is for one thing that money is playing such a huuuuuuge role for the band that i don’t feel valued as someone who doesn’t have as much to spend. It’s not enough to go to concerts and to cheer as loud as you can, have a fan blog, buy overpriced merch, RT every dumb tweet of his… no no you have to spend hundreds of dollars/euros/other currencies on meet and greets and another couple thousands for the camp. Little hint here: If you have to offer a fucking payment plan for your get together with fans, it might be too expensive!!!! But i don’t want to get into further here, since i’ve talked about that until i was blue in the face. and i mean, both of us are guilty here for owning tons of t-shirts, multiple copies of the same album, every video ever sold on VyRT… we didn’t have to do it. I for example didn’t go to the concert in Munich last sunday, even though i could have done, and guess what… i feel pretty good. the world hasn’t ended even though i wasn’t there. neither was Tomo, so i guess it doesn’t matter lol

Today i want to say that i had really hoped that some of my enthusiasm for this band might come back with the new album, but every piece of info i get just disappoints me more. The title: America. The videos: all about America. Don’t get me wrong, i love america, and i hope to live there after i graduate; in my heart i already do. But: compared to the fans they have in Europe, America is not exactly their market. The Europeans have made sure for the last album cycles that they’re all fed and clothed. Here they played stadiums, and in the US small venues. So it’s suuuuuuch a cheap ploy to engage with patriotic Americans to gain new fans. 

Not to mention that the whole campaign for this album is super lazy. The video they posted last summer, where a label executive was pressuring them to release new music seemed like a (badly made) joke at first, but the more i watch all this unfold, the more i actually believe that this is exactly what happened. They have no concept, which is why they constantly ask the fans to come up with ideas, and their songs are being written days before they’re being released. One could of course question if those claims are true, but this would also explain the 8 months between first single and album release, even though lyric wise all the songs are written with the trusted Jared Leto phrases that he uses in every song. “you have to believe”, “do you believe” “I believe” “do you want to cross the line” “we crossed the line” and the ever returning theme of a fight. Is there a story behind that, Jared, or do you have a fish bowl with these snippets written on pieces of paper and you fish them out and arrange them into a song? Anyways. Also, could Shannon and Tomo BE any less interested in all of this? No. I don’t think they could.

So, nice video, Kealey, but my reasons for leaving the mars fandom are different ones. I’m going to leave the link here, so that people can watch the reason why i went on another rant about Mars.

If you would like to read me rant about something else for a change, check out my other blog Political Animal, I hope to upload a piece on gun control before the March for our Lives on Saturday!

thanks for reading!

xoxo ♥♥♥