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roses-r-rosie3 · 1 year ago

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Jason Todd x M!Reader

Warnings: Smut, Semi public sex, blindfolding, handjob, spit as lube,

Requested by anon:

detective reader with jason todd? the readers really good at investigating and have a lot of important intel on a crime boss that jason is also targeting, when the detective is alone in the office jason is waiting there in the dark ready to get some info, but the reader is very reluctant to give sensitive information to a vigilante. so jason fucks it out of the reader over his desk? until the reader is begging and babbling out information so easily also i'd say this is their first time meeting ok thanks have a good day/night

A/n: This was the fic I was talking about when I posted this 😭

Quote: “You know… I was just going to force you to give me the information, but it looks like you want me to fuck it out of you”

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You were one of the best detectives in Gotham. ‘Why?’ You may ask, well it was because your skills at investigating. As a kid you always loved watching shows like scooby doo. You would constantly try to guess who was behind the mask (you were right most of the time). So it didn’t surprise your parents/friends when you got a job at the gcpd.

When you joined the gcpd, you were one of the youngest rookies at the time, so whenever you would try to input some of your ideas, your superiors would immediately shut you down. It wasn’t until you broke a career-defining case that you earned everyone’s respect, even Bruce himself was impressed. Because of that, you eventually became Gotham’s best and youngest detectives that there was.

So when news broke that there was a new crime boss in town, you were first on the case. However, Jason was also interested in this new Crime Boss, and he didn’t really feel like investigating, so he decided why not just try to get Information from you. Of course, Jason could’ve just asked someone like Tim but everyone else was too busy with their own problems that they didn’t have time for the Crime Boss.

Jason obviously knew about you, youngest detective in Gotham blah blah blah… but the problem was, the two of you have never formally met before. But who knows maybe Jason would get lucky and you would just hand over the information, even though Jason knew the chances were very low (but hey a boy could only hope).

You were in your office, staying overtime to investigate. It was currently 4am and your body was basically running on coffee. You were super invested in this case and nothing was going to stop you. However, you eventually decided to give yourself a little break to use the restroom and get some more coffee.

You said your ‘hi’s to your co-workers before walking back to your office. When got to the door you waved to everyone before walking in and closing the door behind you. After you placed your beverage down on your desk sensed someone behind you. You immediately pulled out your gun from your belt and pointed it at the figure.

“Who are you? And what are you doing here?” You asked.

“Damn, not bad detective” the figure chuckled.

“Answer me goddamn it who are you” you growled.

The figure walked forward, closer to the light in the office. The figure was revealed to be red hood. You knew who red hood was, I mean how couldn’t you know who he was! He was a famous vigilante and he made your job a lot harder than it already was.

“What are you doing here?” You asked, with your gun still pointing at him.

“I’m here because of the new gang leader in town” Jason answered.

“He’s a crime boss” you replied snarlingly.

“Yeah, yeah, you know what I meant” Jason rolled his eyes.

“What about him?” You said.

“I need you to give me some information about him” Jason replied.

“I can’t tell you that, it’s classified information” you said, gripping your gun tighter.

“That’s what I thought you would say, but I’m afraid I’m that I’m not taking no as an answer” Jason said as he walked closer to you.

“Stop! Don’t come any closer! I’ll shoot!” You said.

Jason let out a chuckle before quickly knocking the gun out of your hand. Jason started to slowly walk towards you, until you felt yourself bump into your desk behind you.

“What’s your answer now detective?” Jason said as he towered over you.

“No” you said, standing your ground.

“Why are you making this so difficult?” Jason sighed before he put his hands around your throat as he choked you lightly.

You tried not to make any noise, but a moan slipped out of your mouth as his grip tightened a little. And if that wasn’t bad enough, a bulge started to form in your pants too. Eventually you got so hard to the point where Jason could feel your cock rubbing against his.

“Oh, you pervert” Jason smirked behind his mask.

“You know… I was just going to force you to give me the information, but it looks like you want me to fuck it out of you” Jason whispered against your ears as he slowly started to rub your crotch.

“N-no it’s not like that, you’re not getting the information” you tried to say as he started rubbing your crotch at an even faster rate.

“Are you sure about that detective?” Jason chuckled as unzipped your fly and slipped his hands into your boxers.

You moaned loudly as Jason rubbed your tip, spreading your precum. You whined, bucking up into his hand. Your eyes hung low, squeezing shut as he brushed over your tip.

“It seems to me like you’re enjoying this quite a bit” Jason said as continued teasing you.

All of a sudden, Jason started stroking you fast and tight around your sensitive dick. You whimpered as he stroked your cock faster and faster. Just when you were about to cum, Jason swiftly pulled his hand away. But before you could even complain, Jason quickly took the tie around you neck and wrapped it around your eyes.

“Can’t have you seeing my face now can I?” Jason smirked under his mask.

Jason took of his mask and tossed it to the side before sloppily making out with you. You were completely under his control at this point, I mean you were completely blinded what else could you do (and it felt good too).

Before you were being bent over with your ass facing Jason’s direction. You shivered as you felt Jason pull down your trousers and boxers. Jason spit on his fingers and slowly inserted his fingers into your hole, smirking at your reactions.

You huffed, your fingers clawing the table and a tight sound escaping him as Jason pressed his slick fingers into your hole. When Jason felt like you were loose enough he pulled his fingers out and slowly started to pull out his cock.

You were now impatiently waiting as Jason took his sweet time. When you finally heard Jason pull his cock out, he started teasing your hole with his tip. You gasped as you felt his tip teasing your hole.

“Last chance to tell me the information before I destroy your hole detective” Jason said.

“I-I’m not telling you s-shit” you said, still trying your best to stand your ground.

“You brought this on yourself” Jason sighed as he pushed himself all the way inside of you.

Jason slowly started to roll his hips, hearing as you whimpered. He started pulled out slowly, but suddenly he harshly slammed back into you, causing you to let out a loud moan. Jason gripped onto your hips tightly, undeniably leaving bruises as he ruthlessly pounded into you.

Pleasure took over your mind as you were being ruthlessly fucked by Jason on your desk. You were trying hard not to moan too loud because your co-workers were right outside the door, and god forbid if one of them came inside your room. Jason however, did not like the fact you were trying to silence yourself, so he started thrusting faster and deeper, hitting your prostate.

While Jason was pounding you, he hit a particular spot that made you let out a loud moan. He smiled to himself before pulling out and then ramming down on the same spot repeatedly. You were a mess at this point, you were begging for him to fuck you harder as sweat coated your body. And before you knew it, you were mindlessly muttering out the information.

“W-warehouse… Ah! At- p-please~ M-Miller Harbor…” you mumbled.

Jason chuckled to himself. You, a detective with a phenomenal reputation, falling apart and becoming a whiny mess just because of Jason. You could feel ever pulsing vein on Jason’s cock as he fucked you.

You see, before this whole fiasco happened, Jason was doing some research on you. He found out all sorts of things about you, one of them being that you were in the running to be the next captain. So while he was thrusting into you, he thought why not taunt you with this information.

“Do you really think they’ll make you captain after this? Gotham’s best detective giving out information, just because he’s being fucked like a slut” Jason smirked against your neck.

You were as dicked down as one could be, the tie around your eyes was soaked in your tears, flushed cheeks, shaky legs, bruised hips, and covered in your own sweat. But you still managed to cling on to a bit of information, which was pretty impressive.

Jason could tell you were close, but he could also tell you still had pieces of information that he wanted. So he gripped onto your cock so that you couldn’t cum, and pounded faster. He pulled your hair so that your head was up against his shoulder.

“I know you’re close, so why don’t you just tell me a bit more information and I’ll let you cum detective” Jason whispered as licked up and down your neck.

You tried, you really tried to hold on, but the combination of Jason’s thrusts, and his mouth licking and biting at your neck and earlobe made you break.

“His first name is G-Gra-AH-nt, his last name is Mikhail, he came from R-russia and moved over to Gotham for weapon.. ngh… trading a drug deals j-just please let me cum!” You blurted.

“Good job, you earned it detective” Jason smirked as he started jerking you off at the same rate as his thrusts.

Before you knew it, you let out a loud whimper as you spilled your load all over Jason’s hands and your desk. Your brain was complete mush as Jason chased his release.

“S-so tight around my cock” Jason groaned.

Jason pulled your head towards his and pulled you in for a sloppy kiss as his one of his hands gripped tightly around your hips. He thrusted deeply into you, one last time before releasing his load into your wrecked hole.

Jason waited a moment to collect himself before pulling out. He chuckled as he watched his cum trickle out of your hole. He looked at his hands that was covered with your seed and tasted it.

“Damn, you got a pretty good load” Jason teased before cleaning both of you up.

After you were both cleaned up, Jason quickly left, leaving you there with the aftermath. You were too tired (your legs were too sore) to drive home at this point, so you decided to sleep in your office for the day.

When you woke up, let’s just say you were met with one of the worst days of your life. First, you had a really bad limp that would probably last weeks. Second, it turns out Jason took all that information and ended up putting the guy in Arkham Asylum. And third, he was getting all the praise for “solving the case all on his own”.

You were beyond angry. You had to get your payback somehow.

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tinybeetiny · 3 days ago

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can u please make more ateez angst when you have time and feel like writing something that hurts. it doesn’t have to have a happy ending as long as y/n isn’t a totally pushover, it also doesn’t matter for which member or whether it’s something in the format as the “they call you clingy” fic or a traditional fic! thanks in advance and regardless of whether you take this request keep up the good work girly!

When they yell at you: OT8

Aaah now that i got all my "I Love You" fluffs done I figured i could give yall some angsty angst!!! I hope this was ever thing you wanted anon! I appreciate your kind words and i do like the whole Yn not being a total push over!!!

->Starring: OT8xReader ->Genre: Angst ->Cw: Yelling, gaslighting? maybe?, hurt no comfort, there will be NO part 2, no second chances, mean everyone except Yn... because as you should, stand for yourself pookie

Masterlist | Ateez Masterlist

Seonghwa:

It started with silence, Seonghwa’s favorite kind of armor.

He stood in the kitchen, back turned, cleaning the same glass for the third time. You leaned against the doorframe, watching him, your own chest tightening from the weight in the air.

“Are you really not going to talk to me?” you finally asked, voice barely above a whisper.

His hand froze mid-wipe. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“There’s everything to talk about, Seonghwa,” you said, stepping in. “You shut down whenever something gets too close. You’ve been distant for weeks, and I’m here trying to hold us together with what? Prayers and duct tape?”

He set the glass down with a loud clink and turned. His jaw was tight, eyes rimmed with exhaustion. “You think this is easy for me? That I’m just choosing to shut down?”

“No. I think you’re scared of confronting things that hurt. And instead of dealing with them, you pretend nothing’s wrong until we break apart in silence.”

His jaw clenched, and suddenly he slammed his fist on the counter, knocking the glass over.

“Enough,” he growled, voice low and rough. “You think your constant worrying, your endless questions, is going to ‘fix’ things… you make everything worse!”

The words crashed over you, sharper and colder than you expected.

Your breath caught. Your eyes went wide, the sting of his cruelty like a slap you hadn’t seen coming.

Seonghwa’s face instantly paled, his eyes widening as if the words echoed back at him with new, terrifying weight.

He blinked, swallowing hard.

You froze.

Your throat burned. “Say that again.”

He didn’t.

“I dare you to look me in the eye and say I made things worse by caring. By trying.”

Seonghwa dropped his gaze. The crack in his facade was starting to show, but it was too late.

“I’ve bent myself backwards for you,” you continued, voice trembling but firm. “Tried to read between the lines of your silence. Tried to understand your moods like they were a second language. But this? This is where I draw the line.”

“Y/n—”

“No,” you snapped. “You don’t get to make me the villain in your story because you’re afraid of being vulnerable. I’m not your enemy, Seonghwa. But if this is how you talk to someone who loves you, then maybe you don’t understand what love really is.”

He opened his mouth to argue but nothing came out.

You took a slow breath, grounding yourself in your own strength. “You want peace? Start by not wounding the people who are on your side.”

He reached for your hand. “Please don’t go.”

“I’m not going far,” you whispered. “But I’m not staying here just to be hurt, either. Figure out if you're going to keep pushing me away every time you're scared. Because I can’t love someone who punishes me for caring.”

You slipped your hand out of his and turned, tears pooling, but not falling, until you stepped outside and let the door close behind you.

Inside, Seonghwa stood completely still, hand outstretched, realizing far too late that he just broke the one person who never asked for anything but honesty.

Hongjoong:

The apartment was dim when you walked in, the only light coming from the cold glow of Hongjoong’s laptop screen. You kicked off your shoes quietly, careful not to disturb the fragile calm. The takeout container felt heavy in your hands, but you hoped a simple meal might bring a moment of peace.

He hadn’t noticed you yet, hunched over his desk, eyes bloodshot, the soft buzz of the headphones muffling his low muttering. The weight of exhaustion clung to him like a second skin.

You placed the food on the table gently, trying to keep your voice calm.

“Hey, I got your favorite—”

He slammed the laptop shut with a sharp clack that echoed through the small room. His gaze snapped toward you, eyes blazing with a frustration you hadn’t seen before.

“You seriously thought now was a good time to come home with takeout?” he snapped, voice sharper than ever.

You blinked, the surprise pinching your chest. “I just thought you might be hungry. You haven’t eaten all day.”

His breath hitched, but his anger poured out like a flood. “I don’t have time to eat!” he shouted, standing abruptly, the tension radiating off him like heat. “Do you even understand the pressure I’m under? No. You don't because I’m doing everything alone!”

Silence. Not the comfortable kind. The kind that burns your lungs when you try to breathe.

Your heart thudded fiercely against your ribs. “Excuse me?”

He ran a hand over his face, already pacing, voice rising with every word. “I have to produce, mix, write lyrics, manage schedules, all while you just… float around here like everything’s normal.”

You swallowed the lump tightening in your throat, trying to steady your voice. “You’re exhausted. I get that. But you don’t get to talk to me like that because you’re spiraling.”

He stopped, staring through you as if you were a ghost, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

You stepped forward, voice steady but thick with emotion. “I’ve stayed up with you on the nights you were too anxious to sleep. I’ve sat in silence with you when words failed you. I’ve tried everything to make your world a little softer when it got too loud and now I’m just… what? In your way?”

No answer. Just the frantic rhythm of his breathing.

Your voice cracked, not from weakness but the strength it took to stand tall amid the storm. “Don’t mistake my quiet support for invisibility. I see you, Hongjoong. But I will not let you erase me just to feel like you’re in control.”

The room was heavy with silence again, thick and suffocating.

You bent down to grab your keys, every movement deliberate to calm your shaking hands.

Hongjoong finally moved toward you, eyes wide with desperation. “Wait! Don’t go. I didn’t mean—”

You turned, meeting his gaze with unwavering resolve. “You did. And maybe that’s the problem.”

The door clicked softly behind you, sealing the night shut.

Hongjoong was left alone, the echo of your words hanging in the stale air, and the untouched dinner, still warm and forgotten on the table.

Yunho:

Dinner was quiet, eerily so.

You sat across from him, your plate untouched. The only sound came from Yunho’s occasional laughter as he scrolled through his phone, completely absorbed. You watched him, your chest tightening with every second that passed without a glance in your direction.

You didn’t want to ruin the night. But you also couldn’t take it anymore.

“How was your day?”

“Good” he muttered, eyes still on his screen.

“Anything new?” you asked, hoping he'd look up

"Not really?"

"Do you even want to do this?"

He sighed like it was a burden. “Y/n, don’t start right now. I’m tired.”

“I’ve been quiet for weeks, Yunho. How much longer was I supposed to keep swallowing how empty this feels?”

He finally looked up, just in time for the irritation to flash in his eyes.

And then, he snapped.

“Can you just shut up for once?”

Everything inside you went silent.

You stared at him, stunned, but only for a breath. Your heart thudded, but you didn’t flinch. Instead, you pushed back your chair and stood slowly.

Your voice came out low, deadly calm.

“What the fuck did you just say to me?”

His face shifted, regret flickering behind the anger, but it was far too late.

“I—I didn’t mean it like—”

“No. You said it. Loud and clear,” you cut him off, voice shaking with fury. “You think I’ve been nagging? You think this is me being dramatic? Try being in a relationship where your boyfriend would rather talk to his phone than look at you.”

He stepped forward. “Y/n, I didn’t mean it—”

“But you did,” you snapped, backing away. “Don’t try to twist it now. You told me to shut up for finally asking why I’m hurting. And you think you’re the one who’s tired?”

Tears welled in your eyes, but you refused to let them fall in front of him. “I have begged for your attention in silence for weeks. I’ve sat across this table, hoping, praying, you’d notice I was breaking. But now I know why you didn’t.”

You grabbed your bag, every movement filled with controlled fire.

“You stopped caring a long time ago and maybe I should stop wasting my voice on someone who only notices when I'm about to leave.”

You turned toward the door, but paused just long enough to look back.

“I don’t care how tired you are, Yunho. You don’t get to make me small just because you can’t handle the sound of my pain.”

Then you walked out, slamming the door behind you, leaving him alone with his phone, the cold food, and the sinking weight of his own cruelty.

Yeosang:

The studio buzzed with the rhythmic sounds of footsteps and heavy breathing as the members drilled the new choreography. You stood near the edge of the room, watching Yeosang as he moved with sharp precision, but his face betrayed something deeper, frustration and exhaustion etched into every line.

He stumbled on a difficult step, swearing under his breath. The frustration bubbled over quickly.

When the group took a short break, you stepped forward, hoping to offer some comfort.

“Yeosang, you’re really killing it out there. This routine’s tough, but I believe in you.”

Your words were soft, genuine, meant to soothe the tension hanging in the air.

Instead, Yeosang’s face twisted into a scowl. He spun around, eyes flashing with something fierce and raw.

“Do you even realize what I’m dealing with?” he snapped, voice rising louder than you expected making your eyes widen. “You think your little pep talk is helping? It’s not! You have no idea what I’m going through!”

The room fell still. Your heart clenched at the sharpness in his voice, but you refused to back down.

“I’m just trying to support you,” you said calmly, meeting his glare. “I’m here because I care.”

Yeosang’s jaw tightened, fingers curling into fists at his sides. “Care? That’s easy to say when you don’t have the weight of every expectation crushing down on you. The pressure to be perfect, the constant eyes watching, the fear of messing up, I live with that every second.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat, feeling the weight of his pain but also the sting of his words.

Hongjoong stepped forward cautiously. “Yeosang, it’s okay to be frustrated. We all are. But don’t take it out on—”

“Don’t,” Yeosang cut him off sharply, eyes wild. “You don’t get to tell me to calm down. Nobody understands this like I do.”

You saw the others exchange uneasy glances, unsure how to intervene without making things worse.

“I may not be on stage,” you said quietly but firmly, “but I see you. I see the pressure. And I also see how you’re pushing away the people who want to support you.”

His breathing was heavy now, chest rising and falling quickly.

“Maybe my words don’t fix anything,” you continued, voice steady despite the ache in your chest. “But lashing out doesn’t make it better either.”

Yeosang shook his head, frustration and something softer flickering behind his eyes.

“I’m trying to hold everything together. Sometimes, it feels like it’s too much.”

You took a step closer, unwavering. “And you’re not alone. But if you keep shutting people out, you’ll be fighting that battle alone.”

He looked at you then, vulnerability breaking through the anger for just a moment.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, voice cracking.

You shook your head gently. “Sorry isn’t enough when it’s this constant. I’m here because I want to be by your side, not because I’m willing to be treated like a problem.”

The room was silent except for the distant hum of the air conditioner and your steady breaths.

“I need space,” you said finally, voice firm. “If this is how it’s going to be, I need to step away.”

Without waiting for a response, you turned and walked toward the exit, your footsteps echoing in the quiet studio.

Behind you, Yeosang stood frozen, surrounded by his brothers, the weight of his frustration now heavier with the absence of the one person who believed in him most.

San:

The rain tapped steadily against the windows, the sound echoing through your apartment.

You stood by the kitchen counter, arms crossed, watching San pace like he was walking circles around an answer he couldn’t find. His jaw was clenched, eyes dark and distant.

You had been arguing for twenty minutes, but somewhere around minute twelve, it had stopped being about the dishes, or the missed calls, or the weekend he forgot to come home.

Now, it was something else. Something ugly. Something buried too long.

“You think everything has to be about you!” he suddenly exploded, voice cutting through the silence like glass. “God, it’s exhausting!”

Your spine straightened. “Excuse me?”

“You never shut up about how you feel, how you’re hurting, how you need more time, more answers, more, whatever the hell you think I owe you.”

You blinked. Once. Twice. “You do owe me something, San. Respect. Consistency. The bare minimum of communication.” Your voice stayed level, but your heart was thudding so loud it made your ears ring. “I haven’t been asking for miracles. I’ve been asking you to show up.”

He laughed bitterly. “Show up? You mean like how you always keep score? Like every time I’m late, it’s another point on your perfect little tally board?”

“Late?” you scoffed. “Try disappearing, San. Try not answering texts for days and pretending like you’re not the one pulling away. I’ve been right here, the whole damn time, waiting for you to be honest with me.”

He shook his head like he couldn’t bear to hear it.

You stepped forward. “Say something. Say anything real for once.”

And then he did.

Something in his expression snapped. His shoulders stiffened, and when he spoke, his voice came out like venom.

“Maybe I don’t want to be here anymore.”

You froze.

The words didn’t land immediately. They echoed instead, bouncing off the walls and repeating in your mind until they sank in. Your mouth went dry.

Your voice cracked, but not with weakness, only disbelief. “You’re really going to say that to me? After everything we’ve been through?”

He looked away. Said nothing.

So you filled the silence. “You want out? Fine. But don’t you dare act like I’m the problem just because you don’t have the guts to admit you’ve already checked out.”

His eyes flashed. “You act like you're some saint for putting up with me, but you’re controlling. You act like you're always right. Like you know me better than I know myself.”

“I do know you!” you shouted. “And I know you’re scared. I know you’re pushing me away so you don’t have to feel guilty when you finally walk. But I won’t be here when you do. I won’t let you hurt me twice.”

He looked stunned for half a second. Then he masked it again.

You grabbed your keys from the table, fingers trembling, but your spine was steel.

“I loved you, San,” you said, voice trembling but firm. “And I thought you loved me too. But if this is what your love looks like, if it's yelling and silence and emotional whiplash, then I don’t want it.”

You moved to the door.

“Wait—” he started, but the word died in his throat.

You turned back one last time, your eyes shining but your chin lifted.

“I fought for us. I did. But I’m done fighting alone.”

The door clicked shut behind you before he could say another word.

And in the quiet that followed, he realized the worst thing of all

You weren’t bluffing.

You weren’t coming back.

Mingi:

The room was filled with a tension no music could drown out.

You sat on the edge of the couch, your knee bouncing anxiously while Mingi stood near the window, arms crossed, back rigid. The playlist he’d put on earlier still played in the background, some lo-fi beat that now felt too soft for the sharp air between you.

You hadn’t meant to fight tonight.

It had started with something small, an offhand comment, a flicker of disappointment you voiced gently. But with Mingi lately, even small things had begun to feel impossible. Like walking across cracked ice, hoping it didn’t break beneath you.

“I don’t get why you always shut down when I bring up something that’s bothering me,” you said, your voice soft but tired. “I’m not attacking you, Mingi. I’m not trying to corner you. I just want us to talk, like adults.”

He scoffed under his breath, his jaw clenching as he looked out the window. “It’s always something with you. Every little thing becomes a whole speech. A crisis.”

The words hit harder than he probably meant them to. You flinched, your eyes narrowing slightly.

“Is that really what you think I’m doing?” you asked quietly.

He ran a hand through his hair and began pacing, his frustration unraveling by the second. “I just… I don’t know how to do all this deep, emotional, whatever. Sometimes it feels like we’re on completely different pages. Like I’m trying to breathe and you’re handing me a rulebook.”

Your heart thudded painfully in your chest. You stood up slowly, leveling your gaze at him.

“I’m not trying to suffocate you, Mingi. I’m trying to love you. Loving someone requires talking. Feeling. Trying. It requires presence, not just being in the room but actually showing up when it counts.”

He turned on you then, eyes flashing. Voice raising “Then maybe you should find someone who actually understands you.”

The silence that followed wasn’t just quiet, it was brutal.

Your breath caught. You stared at him, frozen in place as the words settled deep into your skin like bruises blooming all at once.

He froze too, his face falling almost instantly, regret chasing the fire from his features. “Y/n, I didn’t mean that—”

You took a single step back. That was all. But it felt like an earthquake.

“No, Mingi,” you said, voice low, trembling but controlled. “You did mean it. You wanted to hurt me. And congratulations. You did.”

He stepped forward, panicked now. “No, I didn’t. I swear. I just, I didn’t know what to say. I said the wrong thing.”

You held up a hand. “Don’t insult me by pretending it just slipped out. You said the exact thing that would make me shut down. The thing you knew would hit the deepest place. And now that I’m quiet, you want to backpedal?”

His mouth opened, but nothing came out.

You weren’t done.

“You act like me needing communication makes me needy. Like I’m too sensitive. Too much. But let me ask you something, Mingi. How long did you expect me to keep giving and giving while you locked yourself behind walls and told me I was lucky just to be let in once a week?”

He blinked rapidly, his throat bobbing as he swallowed back whatever emotion was rising.

“I never asked you to give so much-” he tried.

“But you let me,” you cut in, voice sharp now. “You let me pour everything I had into us while you stayed silent and now you want to play the overwhelmed victim because I asked you to show up? I don’t need perfect, Mingi. I just needed effort.”

He stepped closer, tears in his eyes now. “I didn’t know how to handle any of it. I was scared. Of failing. Of disappointing you.”

You smiled bitterly, eyes glassy. “And instead, you chose to push me away before I could be the one to leave.”

You moved to pick up your bag. The quiet shuffle of fabric sounded deafening against the stillness of the room.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “Please… just give me a second chance.”

You looked over your shoulder, voice breaking as you spoke. “I gave you so many second chances, Mingi and you spent them all convincing me my emotions were too loud.”

He reached for your hand, but you pulled away.

“I loved you. Truly. Fully. With everything I had. You’ll remember that when you're lying awake at night wishing you hadn’t made me feel like I was a burden to be tolerated instead of a person to be loved.”

You didn’t slam the door. You didn’t scream. You just walked away, quiet and resolute, leaving Mingi in the hollow silence that remained, alone with the echo of his own words and the weight of the love he’d just lost.

Wooyoung:

It started with a simple question.

“Who was that texting you at 2 a.m.?” you asked gently, sitting on the edge of the bed, fingers loosely laced in your lap, voice careful—too careful, like you already sensed the storm building beneath the surface.

Wooyoung froze mid-step, towel draped around his neck from a late-night dance session. He turned halfway toward you, tension immediately tightening his frame.

“What?”

“I just… noticed your phone going off last night,” you continued. “A few times, actually. Then you locked it and turned it face down. I’m not accusing you of anything, Wooyoung. I’m just asking.”

He scoffed, tossing the towel carelessly onto the dresser like it suddenly weighed too much.

“Unbelievable.”

Your brow furrowed. “What is?”

“You,” he snapped, his tone already too sharp. “Always doing this. You say you’re not accusing me, but your tone says otherwise. Like you’re just waiting for me to slip up.”

You stood slowly, not out of anger, but because the air between you suddenly felt brittle, like it might shatter if you stayed still. “I’m not doing anything, Wooyoung. I asked a question because I care. Because lately, it feels like you’ve been somewhere else entirely.”

He laughed bitterly, cold, joyless. “God, you don’t trust me, do you?”

Your heart stuttered.

“What?” you whispered.

He stepped back, eyes wild. “Why are we even doing this if you don’t believe in me?”

You blinked, stunned.

“Wooyoung—”

“No,” he cut you off, louder now, words like thrown knives. “You don’t trust me, so why the hell are we even doing this?”

And just like that, something inside you cracked.

Not from the words themselves, but from the way he said them. From the fact that he knew where to strike and didn’t hesitate.

You stared at him, the silence around you thick with disbelief. “Are you serious right now?”

He opened his mouth to respond, but you beat him to it, your voice no longer calm, no longer soft.

“No,” you said, firm and rising. “You do not get to spin this on me.”

Wooyoung’s expression flickered, regret starting to creep in, but it was too late.

“I asked you a question. A basic, honest question. And instead of answering, you turned it into an attack. You flipped it on me so you wouldn’t have to be accountable.”

He faltered. “I just. I'm tired of being interrogated—”

“And I’m tired of being gaslit every time I bring up something real!” you shouted, chest heaving. “I am not the villain in this story, Wooyoung. I’ve shown up for you. Every single time. Even when you were distant. Even when you wouldn’t talk. I’ve sat in silence, waited for you to open up, given you every chance because I trusted you.”

He stood there, blinking rapidly, lips parting as if to speak—then closing again.

“You think trust means never questioning anything?” you pressed, voice cracking slightly. “Trust means honesty. It means facing hard things together. But every time I try to do that, you shut down or turn it into an argument.”

You looked at him, really looked. The way his shoulders were tense, hands fidgeting at his sides. Like he wanted to reach for you, but didn’t know if he was allowed to.

“You’ve made me feel like my concern is a problem. Like I’m too much for needing clarity. For wanting to feel secure. You dodge with sarcasm, or you guilt-trip me until I’m the one apologizing.”

“I didn’t mean to—” he tried.

“You never mean to,” you interrupted, quieter now. But no less fierce. “But that doesn’t make it hurt less. That doesn’t fix the way I go to sleep every night wondering if I said something wrong just because you won’t communicate.”

He stepped toward you, voice trembling now. “Y/n, I didn’t know what to say, I panicked, I wasn’t thinking.”

“No,” you whispered, stepping back. “You were thinking. You thought saying something cruel would shut me up faster than the truth ever could.”

His face crumpled, the beginnings of tears in his eyes.

“I’m not asking you to be perfect,” you said. “I’m asking you to be real with me. I’m asking you to meet me halfway instead of making me feel crazy for feeling anything at all.”

He looked at you like he was seeing you clearly for the first time—and maybe he was.

“I have never demanded anything from you that you didn’t already promise me. Honesty. Effort. Respect.” You moved to the dresser, picking up your bag with shaking hands. “If those things feel like mistrust to you, maybe you’re not ready for real love.”

The words echoed in the space between you, and neither of you moved.

He reached out, voice barely audible. “Please… don’t leave. We can fix this.”

You paused by the door. And when you turned to face him, your eyes weren’t cold, but they were done pleading.

“You want my trust?” you said softly. “Then stop treating my heart like a threat. You want my love? Then stop using my questions as an excuse to hide.”

And then you left, quiet, firm, and entirely in control of your own worth.

Behind you, Wooyoung sank to the bed like the wind had been knocked from him, the weight of your absence louder than anything he’d said all night.

And for the first time, he realized your silence wasn’t the problem.

It was his.

Jongho:

The room felt like it was closing in.

The air was thick with tension, charged with everything neither of you had said for days. The TV still played in the background, long forgotten. A half-eaten dinner sat on the table, untouched and cold. You stood near the door, your back against it as if anchoring yourself in place.

Jongho paced like a caged animal, his fists clenched at his sides, jaw tight, shoulders trembling from holding back what was clearly boiling just beneath the surface.

“You don’t get it!” he exploded, his voice cracking on the edge of something sharp and dangerous. “You think you always know what’s best for me, like I’m some damn kid who needs saving. Like you’re the only one who cares enough to make decisions.”

You flinched at the volume, but you didn’t back down. You’d been walking on eggshells too long already.

“I’m not trying to control you,” you said, voice firm but gentle. “I’m trying to protect us. But it’s like every time I reach for you, you push me further away.”

He scoffed bitterly, throwing his hands in the air. “Protect us? No. You’re protecting yourself, from me. Every time I feel something, you want to dissect it, fix it, control it.”

Your brows drew together, hurt flashing in your eyes. “That’s not fair.”

“No,” he snapped, stepping forward. “What’s not fair is being treated like I’m some fragile project. I’m not. I’m a person. A person who doesn’t need you constantly reminding me of what I should be doing or feeling.”

“I never said you were fragile,” you whispered, but the sting in your chest begged to differ.

Jongho’s voice rose again, laced with frustration. “You don’t say it, you show it. Every time I mess up, every time I get quiet, you act like it’s your job to fix me. Maybe I’m just tired. Maybe I don’t want to be held under a microscope every time I shut down.”

“Maybe you’re scared,” you said quietly, stepping closer, refusing to be bulldozed. “Scared of being vulnerable. But pushing me away doesn’t make that fear disappear. It just makes you cruel.”

He slammed his palm against the edge of the kitchen counter, the sound echoing like a gunshot in the room. “You don’t get to tell me how to be scared! I’m trying, God, I am trying, but you don’t listen. You just push. Always pushing.”

The tears burned at your eyes, but you held your ground. “Because I’m fighting for us, Jongho. Because every time you shut down, I stay. I sit with you in the silence, I reach through your walls. But I can’t keep reaching if you keep backing up like I’m the one hurting you.”

He turned to face you fully, chest heaving. “You are hurting me.”

That cut deeper than anything else he’d said.

“I’m hurting you?” you echoed, voice barely a whisper. “By loving you? By trying to understand you?”

He didn’t answer. And that silence? That told you everything.

“I’m not trying to fix you,” you said, voice shaking but strong. “I’m trying to love you. Honestly. Patiently. But if every time I open up, you meet me with anger, then what the hell are we even doing?”

He stepped closer again, face twisted in conflict, voice lowering into something raw. “Maybe I don’t want to be loved that way. Maybe I’m tired of feeling like I’m never enough for you.”

You stared at him, stunned. Then the words came, thick with heartbreak. “You are more than enough. But I’m not enough for you. Not if I have to shrink myself just to keep you from shutting down.”

His breath caught. “Don’t say that—”

“I have to,” you interrupted, voice cracking. “Because I keep begging for the bare minimum and calling it love. And I’m done.”

Jongho’s face crumpled. “Y/n, please… don’t walk away. Not like this.”

You stared at him for a long moment. The way his chest was rising and falling, the unshed tears in his eyes, the tremble in his hands. It was everything you’d wanted to see, emotion, vulnerability, presence, but it was too late.

“I can’t keep being the only one who’s trying,” you whispered, tears finally falling. “The only one scared of losing us. If you can’t fight for me, then I have to fight for myself.”

He reached for you, his voice a desperate plea. “Don’t go.”

You stepped back, your voice steady despite everything inside you breaking. “I love you, Jongho. But I won’t lose myself just to be loved by someone who only notices me when I’m about to leave.”

You turned, grabbed your coat with trembling hands, and walked toward the door.

And this time, he didn’t stop you.

The door clicked shut behind you with quiet finality, and the echo of it hollowed out the entire room. Jongho stood there, unmoving, arms limp at his sides as the silence collapsed around him.

Only now did he understand the damage he’d done, not in the heat of yelling, but in every moment he made you feel like you weren’t enough.

And now, for the first time, you weren’t there to reassure him that he was.

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xxgoldie · 5 months ago

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hi, I would like to order a bouquet for Lighter 🤭 can the focus flower be lillies, with ivy, delphinium and heather as filler flowers, in pink paper wrapping? thank you!

-🐇 anon-

goldie's gift shop : order list for : lighter lorenz // lilies + ivy + delphinium + heather + pink paper [confessions + jealousy + first kiss + idiots in love + college au] florist's note : your friend was the one who brought it up, but it made complete sense - lighter was an attractive guy who lived with a bunch of girls. one of them had to be his girlfriend, right? it was an assumption you'd been running under almost as long as you'd been friends and studdy buddies. so why was he always looking at you like that? and why was your go-to coffee order always waiting for you when you met him at the library? and WHY did the words 'i need to tell you something' just leave his mouth???

wc: 1.2k a/n: this is the fic that was giving me grief, i just love college lighter a lot and this took so much reworking to try and do him any justice notes / warnings: lighter x gn!reader, basically just fluff, reader lowkey doing some simone biles level mental gymnastics, brief mention of burnice x pulchra, no use of Y/N

"I don't want to burst your bubble, but don't get ahead of yourself. I'm pretty sure he has a girlfrienzzd. Or he's a player. Or both."

Your friend's words had, unfortunately, very much burst your bubble. You'd just gotten home from the first meet-up for a group project, for which you'd miraculously been paired with Lighter, the guy you'd been pining for across lecture theatres since you started university, and you were excited to giggle and debrief with her over the phone. And you had, telling her how he was not only hot but so nice, that you definitely thought you had a chance, until you'd sent her his Instagram handle, which you'd gotten the courage to ask for just before leaving the library, and she went quiet.

The conversation shifted to a different kind of debrief then - she told you about how she shared a few classes with a girl he lived with, Burnice, and he was always meeting her after lectures, how his house consisted of him and four girls, and every time she'd seen him around campus he was with one of them. By the end of the conversation, your high hopes were left significantly dropped. No matter what way you looked at it, the way your friend described it convinced you - whatever the situation, there was no way he was truly single. You'd accepted it as true then, and there had been no indication that anything had changed in the last few months, even as your friendship with him grew.

So just what on earth was happening to you right now?

"I need to tell you something."

Those were the words Lighter Lorenz had just said to you. The classic, default, 'I'm about to confess' line. While standing at the door to your dorm room, uncharacteristically fidgety, avoiding eye contact, and- shit, was he blushing?

This was the last thing you'd expected when he'd messaged you ten minutes ago, asking if you were busy, if he could come over. You'd expected he wanted help with the assignment due next week. Or he was bored and just wanted to hang out. Or he'd gotten into some fight and needed someone a bit more sane than his roommates to see if his cuts were serious. All of them had happened before.

A confession? No. Not on the list of possibilities. You'd long since accepted that no matter how much you liked Lighter, he was off limits. You'd yearned from a distance, lamented to your friends and your notes app that someone else was lucky enough to have him, thanked the universe that at least he was private and barely talked about the relationship so he didn't see how your jaw clenched when you thought about it, and did your best to move on with your life. It was difficult, when the two of you had a weekly standing reservation at your favourite table in the library, and he regularly joined you for movie marathons in your cramped dorm room, but you'd been making a valiant effort. Because you had to. Because he was taken.

"Look, I've been dancing around it because I really value our friendship, but it's getting to a point where I can't just push it down anymore," Lighter continued, still sheepishly avoiding meeting your gaze, unaware of the error messages flashing in your mind, the complete loop he was throwing you for, "I like you. Romantically. Like, a lot."

With a deep, shaky breath, Lighter forced his eyes to finally meet yours. He wasn't sure what look he expected to see on your face - he'd hoped for joy, had prepared for both shock and pity. But your face bore none of those - instead, you looked monumentally confused, blinking at him like he'd given the confession in gibberish.

"Don't you have a girlfriend?" "What? No?"

The words had slipped out of your mouth before you could think of a better way to phrase them, but at least now he was as confused as you were. For several seconds, the two of you stood there in the doorway to your room, eyes wide, staring at each other.

Then, you processed several things at once.

One: Lighter had never, to your recollection, said anything about dating anyone. Not once. You'd been running under the assumption for months, and he'd never said anything that confirmed it.

Two: You didn't even know which one of his roommates you thought he was dating. You'd seen how friendly he was with all of them; the barrelling hugs from Burnice, the makeup he bought for Lucy, the daily gym sessions with Caesar, the way Piper fell asleep on his shoulder. And had somehow never considered he was just like that with close friends.

Three: Lighter liked you. He bought your coffee because he liked you. He made himself free whenever you wanted to see him because he liked you. He came to you first when he got injured in a fight because he liked you.

And as it all hit you, the gravity of your stupidity, all you could do was laugh. You tried to restrain it, fearing you'd think you were laughing at him and not yourself, but the pure ridiculousness left you cackling until you were out of breath, a mixture of embarassment and elation as you realised that none of your problems were even real.

You retreated back into your room, beckoning Lighter to follow you as you sat down on your bed, trying to collect yourself. He stood awkwardly just inside, door clicked shut behind him, quizzical yet fears slightly soothed by the fact you wanted him in the room. In any other situation, he'd be more than content to watch and listen as your laughter bubbled past your lips until you cried, but right now, there were slightly more... pressing matters on his mind.

"I thought you had a girlfriend," you confessed, when you calmed your amusement enough to speak, "Oh my god, I'm such an idiot. Why did I think that?"

And Lighter had to laugh as well, heart thrumming at how relieved you seemed at the information.

"Who did you even think I was dating?" he questioned, padding closer to stand by where you sat on the bed.

"That's the thing, I don't even know!" you started laughing at yourself again, lying back on the bed, "One of your roommates. I think I'd have bet on Burnice."

"No way. Even if I was interested, she literally has a girlfriend - you know Pulchra?" he sat down next to where you lay, but the last dregs of his earlier unspoken question still itched at his mind. He was pretty sure he had his answer, because now that the universe had given you permission, you were looking at him in a way that could only be described as starstruck. "So... I like you. Thoughts?"

You couldn't help but giggle again, even though your cheeks were hurting from all the laughter. Then you grabbed him by the collar and pulled him down towards you, pressing his lips to yours; clumsy, both of you surprised and smiling against each other, and melting into it perfectly.

After a couple seconds, he pulled back, grinning dopily at you lying and breathing heavily under him on your bed.

"I've been wanting to do that for forever." "I'll take that as you like me too?"

And then his lips were on yours again.

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scary-grace · 12 days ago

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11. YOU CAN’T RUN FROM ME FOREVER (scarier prompts) if you are open to it for Shigaraki Tomura

Hi there, anon! When you sent this prompt, it lit my brain on fire, and produced a fic that's cleared 50k words -- and a fic that's much darker than what I usually write. Your call on whether it counts as scary or not. If you hate it, send me another ask with any kind of prompt, and I'll rewrite the fic for you!

Savior - a Shigaraki x f!reader fic

When you broke up with Shigaraki Tomura at the end of high school, you never expected him to stalk you for years, and when you and Chisaki Kai got married, you thought you'd finally broken free. But life with Kai turns quickly from a dream into a waking nightmare, and with every month that passes, you can feel your chances to escape dwindling. Almost out of time, with no good choices left, you turn to the one person who swore he'd never give up on you -- and hope he's less interested in stalking you than he is in saving your life.

AU - no quirks. Past (and future) Tomura x reader, present Overhaul x reader. Dead Dove Do Not Eat. Depictions of dubcon, domestic violence, and reproductive coercion (Overhaul). References to past stalking behavior (Tomura). Angst. Hurt/no comfort for the majority of the fic. If you find any of the above too triggering to read about, please go check out some of the other fics in the fandom! there are lots of them waiting to be discovered and loved. beta read by @threadbearsweater (thank you so much!!). dividers by @cafekitsune

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Chapter 1

Before you got married, going out with Shigaraki Tomura was the worst mistake you’d ever made. Sometimes you try to reassure yourself that you were in high school, that high school is where people are allowed to make mistakes. But most people’s high school mistakes are little things – a bad outfit, a bad haircut, a bad grade, a speeding ticket or a broken curfew. Things parents yell over, and ground you over, too. They’re not the kind of mistake that follows you for the rest of your life. Short of getting pregnant and dropping out of school, dating Shigaraki Tomura was the biggest mistake it was possible for you to make.

He didn’t look it. They never do. He was quiet and kept to himself for the most part. The friends he did have were delinquents to a fault, who picked on most people but never on you. Nobody picked on you. You found out later that it was because of him, but not because he told you. Looking out for you wasn’t something Tomura expected you to be grateful for. It was just something he did.

And Tomura wasn’t bad, exactly. He was a perfectly typical high school boyfriend, the quiet almost-loner that girls like you think needs fixing, the kind of boy girls like you leave in the dust when you realize they won’t change. You stuck it out a lot longer than most, because you liked being with him and he treated you well – so well that your friends were jealous, even friends who’d never date him in a million years. But the two of you were never going to work long-term, so you broke it off the night before you moved away for university. It broke your heart more than you thought it would, but you told yourself it was the right thing to do.

But it wasn’t. It wasn’t, because instead of accepting it and moving on, Tomura followed you. He followed you for the next seven years.

He never threatened you or did anything to make you legitimately scared, but that also meant that he never did anything you could point to when you called the police. No angry emails or notes. No forced entry – the cops always assumed you forgot to lock the door or shut the window, no matter how many pictures you took of the door or window after you locked it. No stolen valuables, but when something turned up missing, you always knew who had it. You knew Tomura would give it back, whatever it was, if you asked – but then you’d have had to ask him, which meant talking to him. Stonewalling was the best you could do, even if it didn’t work. At least he wasn’t stealing your underwear.

You tried to hold it together, but by your third year at university, you were a wreck. Your grades crashed and kept falling, and you couldn’t tell anyone. All you could do was keep it together and hope no one noticed. Eventually, someone did.

You met the man you married in the tutoring center your senior year, when you were trying to salvage a chemistry class you’d failed as a sophomore and were in the process of failing again. Kai was a grad student, tutoring because someone made him, and he was better at it than everyone else combined. One night you were there late, almost to closing time. It was dark out, and even though Tomura had never threatened or hurt you, the idea of being followed through the darkness by something you couldn’t see terrified you. You panicked. Kai saw.

What is it? he asked in that dry, calm voice he always used to explain things you couldn’t grasp. Are you afraid of the dark?

No, you said. It’s just –

What?

You wouldn’t believe me, you said. Kai didn’t put up with excuses. You knew that already. It’s fine. You should go.

You were both standing up, backpacks slung over your shoulders. Kai sat back down. Try me.

You explained everything. It spilled out in a stammered wash of tears, your chest tightening until you could barely speak, and all the while Kai sat across from you, perfectly calm. He was going to tell you that you were crazy. You wanted him to. You wanted him to say you were out of your mind, that nobody would stalk you of all people for going on four years straight, and you’d use his reassurance that you were crazy to be scared to force yourself to walk home in the dark.

Kai, who never touched anyone, reached across the table. You thought he was going to put his hand on your shoulder. Instead he cupped your cheek, smudging away your tears with his thumb. His behavior is ridiculous, but I can’t fault the impulse, he said. I’d have a hard time letting go of you, too.

A warning bell rang distantly in your head, but the relief of being listened to, being believed, drowned everything else out. I’ll walk you home, Kai continued. He took his hand back. You don’t need to be scared of him as long as you’re with me.

And Kai was right, because Kai is always right, because the laws of the universe would bend and break before they’d do anything but prove him correct. You don’t need to be scared of Tomura any longer. Now, almost four years after you married Kai in the culmination of a whirlwind romance, you know that there are worse things than Tomura – and you married the worst thing of all.

Your cheek stings, and you keep your face pressed against the cool tile floor of the bathroom, knowing better than to try to rise. Kai looms over you, expression perfectly calm, barely a spark behind his eyes. “Go on,” he invites you. “Make another excuse.”

You shake your head, and he kicks you �� not in the stomach, but hard against your hip. It’s one of his usual targets, and there’s a bruise still healing there from the last time you let him down. You whimper in pain. “Tell me how it isn’t your fault,” Kai continues as you cringe away from him. “I’ve been to the doctor. There’s nothing wrong with me. Are you really going to sit there and tell me it’s my fault you aren’t pregnant?”

“It’s nobody’s fault,” you whisper. Kai kicks you harder this time, and you slam both hands down over your mouth so you won’t cry out. “I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.”

Apologies are worth nothing when Kai’s like this. It doesn’t matter to him whether you apologize or not. He’ll stop when he thinks he’s made his point, and not before. The words sneak out of your mouth anyway. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry –”

“I don’t want to hear that you’re sorry.” Kai seizes your arm and the collar of your pajama shirt and hauls you upright, putting you face to face. “I want to hear what you’ll do to fix it.”

“I’ll exercise more, like the doctor said. And take the vitamins. I won’t forget.” Your voice rattles. “I’ll keep track of my cycle like I’m supposed to. I can fix it. Please let me fix it. I know I can.”

He studies you. You stare hopelessly in his eyes, searching for something, anything you recognize as human. But there’s nothing. Kai’s amber eyes are flat and pitiless, like always. “Good,” he says. He drops you abruptly, and you fall back to the floor. “Get dressed. I’ll drive you to work.”

Kai likes to drive you to work. He says it’s important for the two of you to spend time together. Maybe he thinks that’s true, but you only know the effect it has – it means you don’t have a car at work, that you’re dependent on him to get home, that you don’t have even a spare second to think or regroup. You have to do it under his watchful eyes, which is how you do everything. You can’t even put your makeup on to cover the red handprint on your cheek without getting feedback. “Do the other side, too,” Kai instructs. “It’s uneven.”

You do, your hands shaking. You make the mistake of glancing down at the negative pregnancy test still sitting on the counter and spill setting powder into the sink. “Next time, use the spray,” Kai says. “Hurry. You don’t want to be late.”

No, you can’t be late. If you’re late, Kai will be late, and you’ll pay for it – later, when you’re not expecting it, when you’ve made the mistake of thinking he’s let it go. You get dressed the rest of the way, pick up the workbag you packed last night, and hurry to the door. Or try to. Kai’s hand comes down on your shoulder with a bruising grip. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Your head swims with terror, and worse when you feel his hands wrap around your neck. But he’s not choking you – just putting a necklace on you, one he bought for you on your birthday a few weeks ago. “Make sure your idiot coworker sees that. I’m tired of hearing about how she thinks I don’t treat you well.”

Your coworker doesn’t mean any harm. She’s just joking, because you and she are friends, because she assumes your husband is the rational, normal man he appears to be instead of someone who took a joke about your work wife stealing you from him way too literally. You nod, and you force the words out of your mouth, the ones you know he’s waiting for. “It’s beautiful,” you say. “No one’s ever treated me like you do.”

You turn back to face Kai and see him nodding, satisfied. No matter how many times you say those words to him, he never hears what you really mean. He thinks about himself in comparison to Tomura, your loser of a high school boyfriend who could never get a job like Kai’s job, never make the kind of money Kai makes, buy the kind of gifts Kai can buy. You think about Kai in comparison to Tomura, too. Tomura stalked you for years. Kai might kill you one day. There’s no comparison at all.

The drive to work isn’t quiet like it usually is, because Kai always goes back to asking human for a little while after he beats you. You’re familiar with the cycle. He never apologizes, never pretends it won’t happen again, but he acts the way he used to when the two of you were dating. You both know it’s fake, but sometimes it amuses him to play the part of a good husband in private as well as public. You might as well go along while it lasts.

“I’ve been asked to represent the company at a conference in Dubai next month,” he says, and you smile at him. Your cheek hurts. “I’ll take you with me. Where else should we visit while we’re in the region – Istanbul, or Cairo?”

You’ve dreamed about visiting both of them. You’re also convinced that they’d be great places for Kai to kill you, dump your body, and blame it on the locals. But you know he won’t do that. There’s a specific image Kai is cultivating, and until that image requires him to be a widower, he needs you. “Istanbul,” you say.

“Hmm. I favor Cairo,” Kai says, and you freeze in your seat. It’s either freeze or flinch, and Kai hates flinching more. “Why not both? We might as well travel now. It’ll be more difficult after the baby is born.”

“You don’t want our baby to be a world traveler?” You keep your voice light, playful. “Think how far ahead they’d be by the time they went to school.”

“Only an idiot would expose an infant to the kind of pathogens present on an airplane,” Kai says. “Neither of us are idiots. We’ll have plenty of time to travel once our child receives a full course of vaccines.”

“Of course,” you say. “I shouldn’t have forgotten. I just got too excited about it. Us traveling as a family.”

“Yes,” Kai says. His hand leaves the steering wheel to settle on your thigh, and you force your muscles to relax. “This month was a setback, nothing more. Next month we’ll succeed.”

He’s let it go for now, at least. You allow the relief to carry you the rest of the way to work.

Kai’s been playing the good husband since you got in the car, but once he reaches your office building, he kicks the performance into overdrive. He parks the car in a no-parking zone, comes around to your side, and opens the door for you, hand extended to help you out. It looks like a grand gesture, but you know why he’s doing it – if he kicked you too hard, it’ll show when you step up onto the curb. Sure enough, you stumble, and Kai steadies you, setting you back on your feet. “Careful,” he admonishes. “The nurses at the urgent care are busy enough without adding you to their list of patients.”

“I’ll be careful,” you promise. You’re conscious of eyes on you – so many eyes, always. As the heir apparent to the biggest pharmaceutical company in the region, Kai’s a local celebrity. His comings and goings are always an event, and you know your role by heart. “Do I get a kiss goodbye?”

“It’s appalling that you think you need to ask.” Kai cups your cheek with hideous gentleness and kisses you in full view of everyone in your office who’s standing by a window, like he’s a soldier going off to war trying to give you something to remember him by. As if you needed anything else. “I’ll be back at five pm, precisely.”

He lets you go, and you head to work, turning back just once to wave at him. He’s still there. You know from experience that he won’t leave until you enter the building.

Once you’re inside, you duck into your cubicle and sit down as quickly as possible. The fewer people see what your walk looks like right now, the better. Emi, your work wife, flops down on your desk. “Saw you and your hubby making out,” she says, and pops a bubble of gum. “You guys are gross. When Shouta finally realizes I’m the one for him, it’s payback time.”

Emi’s had a crush on Aizawa Shouta from the security division for as long as you’ve known her. Most of the people in the office think she’s insane for liking him, given how scary he is, but you’re on her side. You know what scary looks like. You know that Aizawa, who’s gruff and grumpy but never cruel, isn’t it. “How’s it going with Shouta? Any progress?”

“Little bit. He lets me eat lunch with him now instead of walking away.” Emi sighs dreamily. “We’re going to have five kids. I’ve already picked out their names.”

“Five is a lot. You’re going to have to grow an extra arm.”

Emi laughs. “What about you? Have you and Kai had the talk?”

“About kids?” Your cheek stings. Your computer pings and gives you an excuse to look away. “Not yet.”

Windchimes sound over the loudspeaker, signifying the official opening of business, and Emi blows a kiss to you before ducking back into her own cubicle. As soon as she’s gone, you turn to the locked door in your desk and open it to check on your supplies. You’re almost out. You have a little over a month to figure out how to get more.

Kai thinks he has you under control, and for the most part he’s right, shamefully so. But since you went off birth control, since the two of you started trying for a baby, you’ve been keeping a stash of Plan B at work. Every time you and Kai have sex, you take one within three days.

When Kai brought up trying for a baby, you knew instantly what it meant. If you have Kai’s baby, you’ll guarantee that he won’t kill you, but you’ll wish he would, because you’ll lose every scrap of freedom you’ve managed to cling to. You’ll have to quit your job, which you’ve only kept this long because it suits him to project the image of the young power couple, both decidedly going somewhere in life. The baby will be the only excuse he’ll ever need to keep you tied to the house, to him. And if threatening you ever stops being enough to keep you in line, he’ll have someone else to threaten instead.

You’re terrified that it’ll work, and at the same time, you’re scared it won’t work at all. The bottom line is that you can’t have a baby with Kai. You’ve been sneaking morning-after pills for months now, well aware that you’re running out of time. At some point Kai will get suspicious. At some point he’ll suggest fertility drugs, artificial insemination, IVF, and then you’ll have only three ways out, none of them good. Kill Kai. Try to leave him, which means he’ll kill you. Or kill yourself, make it stick this time, and be done with all of it for good.

There’s one more thing in your locked drawer, other than the Plan B. Something that was waiting for you at work, when you got back after your suicide attempt three years ago, in a plain envelope with your name written in handwriting that triggers only a faint shadow of the anxiety it used to. Tomura didn’t send a letter. Just a picture of the two of you hanging out in Toga’s backyard, with a message scrawled on the back. You can’t run from me forever. I know you don’t want to. I’ll wait.

It’s the last message you ever got from Tomura. If he’s stalked you since, he’s left no trace. And on days like today, when you’re hiding bruises and battling a headache and sick to your stomach with terror, you almost wish he would. At least then someone would see what was happening to you. At least then you’d feel a little less alone.

You knew Kai was being too nice about the Dubai thing, but it’s not until you’re packing for the trip that you understand the full scope of the disaster. The trip lasts for seven days – three in Dubai for the conference, two in Cairo, two in Istanbul. It maps almost exactly onto the point in your cycle when you’re ovulating. And neither Plan B nor any other form of emergency contraception is going to be easy to get while you’re abroad. You spend the night before the trip in a panic, then the morning of the trip talking yourself down. When Kai notices that you’re anxious, you tell him you’re just worried about the flight.

“What about it?” he asks. “The airline has an excellent safety rating.”

“They all do until something happens.” It’s easy for you to summon up tears. “It’s just – things are going so well, and whenever that happens it means something’s going to go wrong –”

You remember sharing the same set of worries with Tomura one time, except it was about something silly – your lines in the school play, or maybe a presentation you had to do. You remember how he shrugged. Yeah, it might go wrong, he said, and you protested, indignant. I still love you, though.

“Nothing will go wrong,” Kai says, perfectly calm. “Everything will go as planned. And if it doesn’t –”

He doesn’t need to finish that sentence. You know exactly who he’ll blame.

Everything does go as planned – the ride to the airport, the always-fraught stumbling through security, and the settling into the airline’s VIP lounge with two hours to kill. Kai orders drinks. One for him and one for you, which is strange, because he’s been harping on you not to drink since you stopped taking birth control. “Is this okay?”

“Yes. I know for a fact that you aren’t pregnant right now.”

You don’t want to be pregnant, so it shouldn’t sting – but somehow it does. “I guess I should enjoy it while I can,” you say. “Thank you.”

The drink is pretty. It comes in a pretty glass, with a flower garnish, and you take out your phone and snap a picture with it, even though you haven’t had social media to post it on in years. But as the shutter clicks, a idea pops into your head. You set your phone aside, take a sip of the drink, and glance at Kai. “I’m thinking about redownloading Instagram.”

He’s just taken a sip, too. He coughs. “Excuse me?”

“I was talking to my supervisor,” you say. “About promotions. She said that when upper management is looking to hire, they check on candidates’ social media to see what their personality is like. If I want to get promoted –”

“You’ll no longer be able to work once the baby is born.”

“They don’t need to know that. And in the meantime, I should try to make as much money as possible, right?” Your mind is screaming at you to shut up, to walk it back, but you keep talking. “I wasn’t doing anything strange on my old account. If I post a picture or two every week, it’ll at least look like I’m active.”

“I suppose,” Kai says. He takes another sip of his drink. “My account serves a similar function, after all.”

You’re featured on Kai’s account a lot. Most of his rivals for the top spot have messy personal lives, and Kai’s veneer of domestic bliss gives a leg up. “Still,” Kai continues, “I’m surprised to hear you bring it up. Aren’t you concerned?”

“About?’

“Your ex.” Kai’s eyes narrow slightly. “You took down your social media because of him. Aren’t you worried about attracting his attention?”

“He hasn’t done anything in three years. He’s lost interest by now,” you say. “And even if he hasn’t – you always told me I didn’t need to be afraid of him while I’m with you. I should finally start taking your word for it.”

Kai looks pleased. You reach for your drink, but he lifts it out of your hand and sets it back on the table. Then he takes out your paper boarding passes and fans them out, revealing the first-class stamp along with the destination. “Now take the picture,” he instructs. Oh. You pick up your phone. “If you’re curating your image, always consider what lies in the background. This looks sophisticated. Your first photo looked cheap.”

Sometimes Kai reminds you of Hannibal Lecter. You snap a few photos, then come up with an idea. “Hold your hand out,” you say. He extends it across the table to you, and you take it with your left hand. Kai raises his eyebrows. “So my ring’s in the picture. It’s sophisticated, too.”

“Yes,” Kai agrees. “It also says you’re taken.”

You nod. Your heart is hammering, and you draw your hand away from Kai’s before he can feel your pulse. You redownload Instagram, then give Kai your phone, letting him choose the photo from the several you took and edit it to his satisfaction. He adds the tags, too, but leaves the caption for you.

What do you even caption it? That depends on why you’re posting it, and even you aren’t sure. Finally you tag Kai’s account and type a caption that sounds fun, maybe. Flirty, but it’s okay, because you tagged your husband. And a little bit of something else, something you don’t want to look at head-on. Run away with me.

Kai’s personal phone pings and he consults it. “The caption is rough, but passable for now. You’ll do better next time.”

“Yes,” you promise. Your hands are shaking.

The flight goes well, but that’s not to say there’s no turbulence; a particular patch of unstable air over the Indian Ocean scares everybody except you and Kai out of their seats. Kai’s not easy to rattle, and you’re so rattled from everything else that it doesn’t make much of an impact. Once the air smooths out, the other passengers fall back to sleep quickly. Kai stays awake, and alert. “What is it?” you ask.

“The bathrooms are empty. We should take advantage.”

That makes as much sense to you as anything else. It’s not until you’re up there, opening the door to one, that you figure out what Kai actually meant. As tiny as airport bathrooms are for one, they’re smaller for two, and you have no idea how Kai expects the two of you to have sex in here after he’s yanked you into the one he just opened. “I don’t think this is going to work.”

“Use your imagination.” Kai shuts the door. The click of the lock is unbearably loud.

You don’t have a clue where he got the idea that the two of you should join the Mile-High club in the middle of an eleven-hour flight. Then again, you don’t usually know where Kai gets his ideas for spicing up your sex life. This one feels far enough out of his usual zone to be the result of something he heard or something he read. Kai likes things clean and orderly, and he doesn’t like to be rushed – and he doesn’t like needing too much active participation from you to make something work. You can’t imagine why he thinks fucking you in an airplane bathroom is a good idea. You’ve never been more uncomfortable in your life.

And that’s it, you realize. Your discomfort is what’s getting Kai off here, the fact that you clearly don’t want to do this but are putting up with it anyway, just because he said to. He likes the reminder of your obedience, and you think he probably likes to forget where it comes from. Either way, he’s into it, and you’re as bent as it’s possible to be over the sink while he makes quick work of your clothes. You catch a glimpse of your own face in the mirror, see the resigned, vacant look in your eyes, and squeeze them shut.

Your experience with men is limited. You dated a guy or two in college, but your constant paranoia about Tomura scared them off, and you and Tomura only got farther than third base a handful of times. It was never scripted, always awkward, because you didn’t have a clue what you were doing – and at the same time, it was good. Good because it wasn’t a performance, because you weren’t playing a part, because it wasn’t about anything except feeling how you felt. That was another reason it took you so long to break up with Tomura. When the two of you were together, you felt good.

There’s something twisted and wrong about thinking about the guy who stalked you while the guy who might kill you someday fucks you from behind, but you have to think about something. Kai expects a certain performance from you, given the effort he’s putting into being kinky and spontaneous, and you can’t do it off the top of your head. So you come up with some memory of Tomura, try to pretend you’re there instead of here, while Kai’s thrusts shove you hard enough against the sink to leave bruises on your stomach and hips.

“Look at yourself,” Kai hisses in your ear. His hand brushes against your neck, and even the suggestion of it spurs you to look up. “Look. Who else would do this for you?”

He’s doing it for you? You could almost laugh if you weren’t so sickened by your own reflection. You can make the right faces, mimic the moves he likes with the scant space you have, but you know what Kai really wants from you. Noise. You would almost rather he choked you to death right here than that he forces a single sound out of your mouth. There’s nothing he can make you feel that’s worth it. Not even your memories are enough.

But Kai doesn’t leave things to chance. He sinks his teeth into your shoulder, and you cry out before you can stop yourself. Your husband doesn’t try to stop himself either – he pins you against the sink, fucking you fast and hard until he comes inside you. “No one else would do this for you,” he pants in your ear, as undone as he ever gets. “Don’t forget that.”

Kai never makes the comparison to anyone but Tomura, because in his head, he’ll always win. And you know he’s right. Tomura wouldn’t have dragged you in here. If the idea had come up, it would have been as a joke. You wouldn’t be in first class, you’d be in economy, and you’d have woken up with the turbulence and gone back to sleep.

Kai pulls out. You’re dully surprised that he manages it, given how little space the two of you are working with. “Clean up,” he orders. “I’ll be waiting.”

Cleaning up takes a while. Kai’s cleaned up, too – when you get back to your seat, the entire row smells like hand sanitizer. He looks you up and down and nods in approval before he lets you into the window seat. Your phone, which you left screen-down on your seat and connected to the plane’s WiFi, is inundated with notifications, almost all of them from Instagram. People from high school, from college, from the life you had before this one, all excited to see you back, most of them asking for a life update. Asking about the ring, about the husband – about the drink, in one case. But once you clear those notifications away, there’s one last banner glowing up at you. From your period tracker, informing you that you’re ovulating as of today.

As the Dubai trip unfolds, it starts to feel like you’re leading three separate lives. One where you’re Kai’s arm candy with a brain, an integral part of his power-couple image. One where you’re putting up with his attempts to get you pregnant at least twice a day and talking about how excited you are for a baby that hasn’t been conceived. And one where you’re a normal person, posting photos of your vacation on Instagram.

You do a lot of scenery posts. A lot of food posts. If there’s a photo of you, Kai’s usually in it. You’ve been getting DMs from old friends, and the comment sections of your photos get a little lively. Your favorite ones are probably the ones where Emi tags Aizawa, who you didn’t realize had an Instagram until now, and demands to know why he never takes her anywhere this nice. Kai sees you smiling while you read one and comes over to investigate. “No wonder she makes so many ridiculous comments about me. Her partner can’t measure up.”

“They’re not actually dating,” you say. “She likes him, and he’s either gay or dumb about it. I think she’s just having fun.”

“Fun,” Kai repeats. He scoffs. “You should set a higher bar for friends.”

You heart-react to Emi’s comment once his back is turned, then go scrolling through y our notifications. There are a few usernames you haven’t seen yet, although you know they’re still active. If none of them interact with you, you’ll know it hasn’t worked.

Kai is busy during the day in Dubai, and you try to make good use of the time. You spent a lot of time trying to hunt for emergency contraception, a lot of time trying to see the things you want to see, and the rest of the time you’re on Instagram, messaging your old friends, queuing photo posts with meticulously crafted captions that call back to inside jokes from your high school days. The captions won’t make sense to Kai. He didn’t know you back then. The person whose attention you’re trying to capture did.

You’re aware of just how insane this is. Tomura vanished out of your life three years ago, and the best thing you can hope for him is that he’s moved on, found something else to do, found someone else to love in a healthier way than he loved you. So what if Tomura left you that picture? He can’t have meant it. He wouldn’t wait for you, not when you married somebody who’s as different from him as it’s possible to be. He wouldn’t wait for you. Who would?

And even if he did wait, even if this does work, what you’re doing is still incredibly far-fetched. Have you really given up on saving yourself so completely that you’re trying to get someone else to do it for you? You don’t think so. You just know that Tomura’s good at watching. Good at picking up details. You want someone to watch what happens to you, no matter what it is, and know the truth.

At night you go out to dinner or drinks with Kai and his colleagues. You know what part to play, almost well enough to put the whole thing on autopilot, and when you’re not answering questions about your career goals or telling someone how proud you are of your husband, your mind is sipping off in a thousand directions, hoping that one holds a way out.

You’ve done your research about domestic violence, and you know your position is better than the position a lot of people find themselves in when they start trying to leave. You have a degree, you have work experience, you have a credit score, and best of all, you have your own money set aside, a quarter of each paycheck going into an account with nobody’s name on it but yours. You and Kai had a fight over that account a couple months after the wedding. You call it a fight because it was the first and last time you held your ground and won, as well as the first and last time he actually knocked you unconscious. It’s the only time either of you ever went that far.

You have money. That puts you in a stronger position. And for right now, for as long as possible, you don’t have a kid. If you want to leave Kai, now’s the time.

It looks possible on paper. In practice it’s not. There are too many moving parts, too many times where things would have to go exactly right, and Kai’s the only person who has that kind of luck. Even if you got clear somehow, Kai could find you. He’d find you through the lawyers when you tried to divorce him, or he’d find you all on his own, and once he did, it would all be over. He’d kill you and get away with it, or worse, he’d find a judge, wave your extensive history of paranoia and your past suicide attempt in front of their face, and get legal guardianship over you in a heartbeat. Leaving Kai won’t work, not unless you leave him without the ability to come after you again. He’s too smart to get caught in the act of abusing you, so you can’t trust the law to protect you from him. That only leaves one option. And that option is unthinkable.

So here you are. You do exactly what Kai wants you to do for the entirety of the Dubai leg of the trip, and he buys you a pair of earrings that cost more than the downpayment on your house. You’re wearing them as you get on the plane to Cairo. He insisted.

Kai has an itinerary in Cairo, like he does everywhere, but because you haven’t messed up yet, he’s made sure everything you want to see is on it. He steers you through the city with an arm around your waist, effortlessly confident in the way that made you fall for him, before you knew what it meant. And he’s more lenient with you than usual, too. If you get tired, if you need to stop for water, if you take one look at a crowded market and panic a little bit, Kai indulges it. It takes you a while to figure out why. He’s been giving a hundred and ten percent at the task of knocking you up. Too much stress and it might not stick.

His indulgence continues through Istanbul, and because you go above and beyond to please him, you’re able to convince him to take the picture. Just one picture, of just you, inside the Blue Mosque, the place you were most excited to see. Kai gives instructions like he’s directing a photo shoot, about where you should stand and how you should angle your face to best catch the light, and instead of getting one picture, you get three. One where you’re smiling. One where you’re looking up in awe. And one where you’re glancing back over your shoulder, the neckline of your shirt pulled aside, the faint shadow of the bite mark visible beneath it.

Kai doesn’t notice, or doesn’t care. He wants to post the pictures on his instagram, but you talk him out of it, compromising by giving him photographer credit in a caption Emi promptly calls out as “simping”. You embed the photo in the middle of a three-photo post before you leave the hotel, and you don’t check the notifications until the plane back to Tokyo has reached cruising altitude. The instant you do, your heart stops in your chest.

You’ve been waiting, hoping, but nothing prepares you for what it feels like to see it at last. togachan817 has liked this.

Himiko’s had that same handle since high school, and you never blocked her, not even when you realized she was feeding information about you to Tomura. You’d thought the two of you were friends, and you’d been too hurt to do anything but deactivate your account. And you’re glad you never blocked her. Now she’s seen your post. You know she’ll tell Tomura. And now it’s out of your hands.

Which of the photos did she like? You tap the notification, and the center photo appears. The one where you aren’t smiling. The one with the bite.

Chapter 2 ->

#asks #anons #savior au #shigaraki x reader #shigaraki x you #tomura shigaraki x reader #tomura shigaraki x you #shigaraki tomura x reader #shigaraki tomura x you #x reader #reader insert #dark fic #dead dove do not eat #a bisquared production

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allthingswhumpyandangsty · 2 months ago

Note

I don't know if this is the right place to vent this, but since this is a writing/fandom blog, I'll give it a try. Apologies in advance if my message feels out of the place.

So... has anyone, like me, ever felt "unwanted" by their fandom?

Context: I write for a small fandom (1,500 works on AO3), and I write there from the beginning and foundation (4 years). The thing is: I don't write in English, I write and post in my first language, so my audience was always been very restricted, even if there were (and still are!) a couple of kind souls who translate with Google my stories and read it. I am the most prolific writer in this fandom. And that's a fact: counting the numbers of words published, I am the one who has written more in the whole section. Despite all of this, I have never gotten the chance to become a "fandom big" because of the language barrier. That's okay, I can survive, and I still write every day to update my ongoing longs. Anyway, since this fandom is very small, we are also thirsty for content. Every time an artist posts a single fan art on Tumblr (good or bad or mid) everyone flocks and reblog, putting nice tags and kind words of support. Every time I update a fic (I'm the only one writing regularly)... radio silence. I know they don't own me anything. And it's okay if they don't want to try to engage with my writing, but still... it breaks my heart. It's like I'm invisible. And what's worse... when people talk about our fandom stories on Tumblr they always refer to old fics, to authors who didn't update their stories in years... it's always like they are excluding me on purpose. And I don't know why. When I try to engage, to leave a nice comment on a fic or on a piece of art... they don't even acknowledge me. They always act super enthusiastic when an artist makes a new drawing... but when I put a new chapter, a new story... nothing.

And what's worst: when a "fandom king" makes a post about a headcanon or something... it's always something that goes against something I've written in one of my stories. As they're trying to say: "Don't read those stories. What the author is trying to say is just rubbish. Don't even acknowledge them. "

I don't even know if I'm just being paranoid because I have always been ostracized as a kid and even in my teen years... so it's like a curse I can't wash off myself, and I see people pushing me aside because I'm still suffering from this.

Sorry for the vent... I just would like to hear another voice about my situation. I don't have friends, and even when I try to make "fandom friends", well... I'm not so lucky, as you can see.

Thank you if you would like to read my message. I send a big hug to anyone who is suffering from this kind of issue.

anon, I fully believe this is a language barrier thing. you can’t expect people to engage with you when they can’t engage with something that’s, I assume, in language they don’t understand. and don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with writing in other languages that aren’t English. but the thing is that you can’t expect people to engage with something that’s not in the language they know, it’s… just not possible. because even if they want to, they just don’t understand what the work even is about.

and Google translate is actually shit when it comes to actually translating. you only get what the text is about (and even then there’s still a 50/50 chance the translation will be off completely) but not the actual feeling, something that can only be translated by humans and not robots, that’s why most people don’t use google translate to help read fics or books in languages they don’t understand. I also know when most people search for a fic to read, they only search for their language and filter out fics that aren’t in their language altogether. so that’s why. I don’t think they’re trying to exclude you, I just think that it’s impossible for them to engage with your works. and I want to make it clear that I am in no way saying you should only write in English, all I’m saying is if your works are in languages that (some) people don’t speak, then they’re not gonna be able to read your works because google translate sucks at translating and if they don’t even have a glimpse of what the works are about, they’re not gonna bother trying to translate them in the first place.

again, this isn’t to say “oh you should write in English” or “works that are written in English are better” at all. write in the language you’re most comfortable with because at the end of the day you should be writing for you. just, you know, don’t get discouraged if people can’t engage with your works.

*also wanted to add that you can’t expect people’s headcanon to fit yours either. I mean headcanon don’t even fit canon. it’s all about the creativity and imagination of artists, you can’t expect them to think like you. that’s not how fandoms work. people will have their own hcs / interpretations of the characters, just because they’re different from yours doesn’t mean they’re trying to throw shade at you. even my own friends in the fandom I’m in and write for have headcanons that are the complete opposite of my fics. and it’s fun to see different perspectives from people. you don’t have to agree with them. but I really don’t think they’re insulting you by posting headcanon that go against your fics, I just think they’re just having fun and having their own interpretations of the characters.

#admin answers #writing #writer #writers #writeblr #ao3 #archive of our own #fanfic #fanfiction #fandom #fandoms

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hey-itsdollie · 14 days ago

Note

Coming out of anon bc I already reblogged the original fic which is smth I usually don't do especially for smut/suggestive stuff bc I'm shy but I loved how you did my request and if it's not too much to ask could we do a part 2 but in the pov of the boys this time?

Transmasc reader working out with Kunigami, Barou, and Karasu. What thoughts are running through their head? Are they as thirsty for the reader as he is for them? Are they even thirstier? Bonus points for smut but again, up to you! And don't be afraid to reach out to me personally if you want clarification!

Again, thank you so much for filling my request: lowkey always scared to ask for transmasc readers from fic writers bc more often than not they won't do it so I'm so happy I ran into your blog!

Rock Hard at the Gym

I hope I wrote this to your liking!

‧₊˚ ┊The bllk guys' minds are only concentrated on their gym partner

୭˚. ᵎᵎ featuring » kunigami. barou. karasu.

⋮ ⌗ ┆cw ⪼ smut, trans masc reader, use of pet names, dirty thoughts, aged up!, minors DNI!

Part 1, Part 2 -u are here!-

── .✦ Rensuke Kunigami

Kunigami found himself cursing at his thoughts. Trying to keep them at bay as he felt your hungry stares on him. Forcing himself to focus on the activity at hand–lifting weights.

Normally this didn’t happen but for the past few months these rather… inappropriate thoughts about his gym partner have been more consuming. Completely taking effect on his mind and body like some kind of hypnosis.

Like his current… predicament. He couldn’t help but imagine lifting you up and off his cock. Hearing your sweet moans echo through the empty gym. Perhaps all this training and weight lifting wasn’t just for soccer? Maybe it was for you the whole time.

The idea of lifting you around and being able to hold you up against the wall or in positions. It ate at him.

And the worst of it all was that he knew you thought the same. The lingering stares you gave him, the way your eyes seemed to check him out even in his exhausted sweaty states.

“You should slow down, you might choke.” He muttered, placing the weight on the ground next to him as he sat up. Watching you chug the liquid from the cold bottle. Not being able to help the thoughts that filled his mind.

Easily being able to picture you on your knees sucking on his girthy cock. Choking on it as he fucked into your wet cavern. Kunigami could see himself talking you through it–praising you about how well you were taking him.

The ginger heard the male beside him mutter out a soft apology, not missing the red flare up he had on his face. Fuck… just the image of you apologizing for making a mess after he came on your face. Kunigami quickly felt himself hardening in his pants.

“We should get going… the gym’s gonna close soon.”

── .✦ Shoei Barou

Barou couldn’t stand it. It’s only been ten minutes of you on his back and he was already on the verge of switching the current roles.

Your warm hands running over his shoulders and back muscles was enough to make his curse, not willing to voice out his liking to your touch.

The quiet mutterings of concern only made his cock harden more. “Just stay up there for a bit longer… I’m not done.” Barou muttered holding back a ground as he felt your clothed boypussy rub against his back each time he did a push up.

He wanted this to last as long as it could. “You callin’ me weak with your whining?” He groaned out, covering his true emotions with his pride. Hearing a sigh leave you as your hands run over his heated back.

Barou could feel the rise in your body heat. The fact you were getting as worked up as he was–well it made the situation almost painful.

The male tried to push the thoughts away knowing if he didn’t, there was a high chance his cock would end up inside you while showering. He never needed anybody this bad before. He didn’t even give two shits about romance or emotions for that matter.

But when it came to you, he could barely hold back.

── .✦ Tabito Karasu

“Fuck his body…” Karasu inwardly cursed as his hands felt over your smooth skin. Completely forgetting the fact his hands were running over your body simply to analyze your muscles. “Tabito…”

Your murmur made him grin at the sight of your red face. He pulled his hands away, raising them with a joking grin. “Didn’t know you were so ticklish~” He teased, the sight of you blushing making his heart skip a beat.

You always seemed to play hard to get, so oftentimes Karasu found himself showing off way more than he normally would. Touching you when he could, complimenting you, teasing endlessly.

“Well, let’s just say you need some new core workouts. I got a great one that you could try.” Karasu hummed nudging against your side as you gasped. “Tabito what the fuck!”

The dark-haired male laughed, even though he meant some of what he said. But he was more than willing to wait as long as he needed to be with you.

“Come on, let's go workout already.” You groaned, pulling him out of the locker room and going to a more secluded corner.

“Oo like the one I proposed?”

“Shut up Tabito…” You glared your face burning from embarrassment as your gym partner cackled following behind you.

©hey-itsdollie please don't copy, change, or steal my work. Thank you!

#bllk x reader #blue lock #blue lock x reader #dollie's diary #bllk #bllk smut #blue lock smut #blue lock x trans masc reader #bllk x trans masc reader #kunigami x reader #kunigami rensuke x reader #barou x reader #barou shoei x reader #karasu x reader #karasu tabito x reader #barou shoei #kunigami rensuke #karasu tabito

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grandline-fics · 8 months ago

Note

Ohhhh your fics give me so many feels!! 🤩🤩 I'm happy to read anything, really, but if you're in the mood for a one-shot, you know what I would love? The fake boyfriend trope with Ace! Fem reader and modern world AU if you're in the mood! I'll leave the reason up to you. Make an ex jealous at a wedding, mislead meddling parents, highschool reunion... Pick and choose! As I said, I'm all up for reading ANYTHING you write!

Thank you so much for your service! 🙌🏻🤩

- I ❤️ Ace Anon

DESCRIPTION: Fake dating, Modern!Au

WARNINGS: none that I can think of

CHARACTERS: Ace

WORDS: 1,846

A/N: Thank you for this request. I hope you like what I came up with for this prompt. Maybe I'll do more modern!au stuff in the future

*REQUESTS ARE OPEN*

DIRECTORY | PROMPT LIST

———————

You would have called yourself a liar if you said you didn’t have a crush on your neighbour. But who could blame you really? He was so easy to chat with no matter what time of the day it was. He’d always greet you with a smile and focus entirely on you. Even if you were in a bad mood, all it took was talking with Ace to brighten your mood immensely. He just brought a warmth with him that you couldn’t help be attracted to. Also yes he was very good looking but that was just a bonus really. You never acted on your crush, telling yourself that it’d fizzle out eventually and that Ace was such a nice guy that of course he’d already be with someone. So you merely enjoyed the interactions with him for what they were.

One afternoon at work you were counting down the last hours. You couldn’t wait to just get home, order in some food and relax on the sofa in your comfiest clothes and binge tv. That was all you wanted for the free time you had to yourself for the evening. No stress, no drama, no effort. After a long week it was all you wanted but it seemed you weren’t even allowed that simple wish. As you were preparing to leave some of your coworker friends approached and began to pester you about heading out for the night. At first you politely declined but they kept pushing. “Oh come on! We’re all going, it’ll be so much fun!”

“Yeah! I mean you said no the last time too.”

“What could be so much better than coming out with us?”

“I already have plans.” You explained, hoping your vague answer would be enough to dissuade them from their persistence. But it seemed the lack of proper details made their imaginations run wild. Some looked at you in surprise while others grinned as if finally being proven right about something. “What?”

“So who are they?” One asked with a sly grin. “Must be serious if you’re saying no to another night out with us.” They? You blinked in confusion. Why were they automatically assuming you were seeing someone? All you wanted was a cosy night in and now it was turning into an interrogation. If it got you out of the exhausting process of getting ready and going out when you were so looking forward to a peaceful night, you decided to play along.

“Y-yeah. We’re just going to have a quiet night at mine.” You said, hoping they were all caught up in their own delusions that they didn’t see through your weak lie. “Maybe next time?”

With that you continued on the rest of your work day, just trying to avoid any chances for your friends to launch into more questions about your made up love life. Now you were even more desperate to make it to the end of the day and escape. Finally when the clock hit the hour you got to your feet only to stop once more when your coworkers appeared yet again. “Good news! It’s not a work night anymore! All our partners are going out too so yours can join us and won’t feel awkward.”

You trudged up the steps to the apartment building now in a sour mood. You should have just denied their assumptions you were in a relationship instantly and just said you wanted a quiet night to yourself. Now you were unable to say you couldn’t go out or conveniently say your partner couldn’t make the night out when you’d lied in the first place and said you were going to see them tonight. Ugh, you were seriously contemplating slipping on the set of steps in the hopes of just lightly twisting your ankle to avoid the embarrassment of being caught out in your stupid lie. “Woah, that’s not a happy face.”

Your head snapped up to see Ace approaching you as he also returned home for the day. Looking around you saw you were just standing in the entrance hall of the apartment building, lost in your thoughts. Quickly you tried to force your expression into a more pleasant one but since Ace had already spotted you weren’t yourself it was a wasted effort. He was perceptive enough that a half-assed smile wasn’t going to convince him. “C’mon neighbour. What’s got you so down? I’m not going to have to beat someone up am I?”

At that you laughed softly and shook your head, already beginning to feel a little better. Not wanting to block the entrance you began to move for the elevator to begin to journey to your apartment. Once you were both inside you let out a heavy sigh and began to explain your predicament. Through it all Ace listened but he couldn’t help but have an amused smile curving his mouth. “So now my only viable options are fake a breakup with this imaginary lover or injure myself just enough to avoid the night out but nothing too severe that I waste my entire weekend and can’t work. Either way I’m pretty screwed.”

“Nah, don’t say that.” Ace grinned from his relaxed stance leaning against the wall. “It’ll all work out, don’t worry about it.”

“Oh yeah?” You asked unable to stop your playful smile, it was just Ace’s natural presence and confidence that kept you from spiralling further into your panic. “Do you think the boyfriend I’d ordered arrive today and is waiting at my doorstep?” The elevator chimed as it reached you and Ace’s floor and you looked over as the doors slid open to see the hallway was empty. “Oh darn, still not there.”

Ace laughed and quickly hurried passed you to make it to your door before you could, and spun to face you with his arms out. “Ta-da! You’re boyfriend has arrived!”

“Y-you…“ You spluttered with a look of disbelief only making Ace’s smile grow. “You can’t be serious. You want to pretend to be my boyfriend?”

“Why not? It sounds like fun plus if it helps you out I’m happy to do it.” Ace shrugged, unbothered at the thought of having to pretend to be your boyfriend for the night. You couldn’t believe you were even discussing this with him. It was even more shocking how easily you were coming around to the idea. “Besides, if I do a bad job you can always dump me at the end of the night.”

“And if you do a good job?” You asked, unintentionally making the question seem more flirtatious than you'd originally planned it to be and you only realised how it sounded when Ace grinned at you.

“Well if I do a good job, you can pick my reward.” He chuckled, throwing you a wink. “So you get ready and we can go out.” You watched Ace turn on his heel and make his way the last few feet to his own apartment and disappear inside, leaving you to be shocked back into the reality that now you had to commit to the effort of going out while also having to convince the people you worked with that Ace was your boyfriend.

From getting ready and travelling to the bar you were meeting everyone at was a complete blur. While you were a ball of nerves, Ace was completely relaxed, effortlessly winning over everyone you introduced him to. Even those you were also meeting for the first time, Ace spoke to them like he’d known them his whole life. His charm and whole presence seemed to put everyone at ease had everyone all but swooning over him. Eventually though, the questions were turned to you.“So, we have to know how did you two get together? No wait! How did you meet?”

“Oh we were neighbours.” You explained, deciding to rely on the truth as much as possible. “Ace already lived in the building when I moved in.”

“Obviously I wanted to ask them out straight away but didn’t want to scare them off since they just moved in and I wasn’t sure if they were single.” Ace added, throwing you a sweet smile and settling his hand on yours, his thumb moving in soothing circles against your skin. You smiled softly and took a small drink trying to distract yourself from how convincing he was and how the smallest touch from him both grounded you and flustered you. “For a while I thought I’d missed my chance but the second an opportunity came up, I took my shot.” Your heart leapt into your throat and heat flamed under your skin when Ace slyly pulled his hand out to pull you close and press a kiss against your cheek. While your coworkers and their partners cooed over how cute it was that you were so shy with your ‘boyfriend’, the man in question grinned playfully at you, clearly enjoying every minute of this.

When it was your turn to buy the drinks Ace played his part well and followed to help you. While you waited to be served, he stood close with his arm loosely around you with his hand gently on your hip. His taller frame shielding you from other patrons pushing too close. It also helped to hide you both so you could finally talk openly without the deception. “Thank you again for this. It’s really surprising how good you are at this.”

“You don’t need to thank me.” Ace grinned at you. “Why are you surprised? Don’t I make a good boyfriend.”

“Well obviously you make a great one. You’re just so at ease with it all whereas I feel like a nervous wreck.” You explained with a small sigh. “I also feel guilty that you’ve been dragged into this when you could have spent the night doing something you actually wanted to.”

“As cute as it is to see, you don’t need to worry about it.” Ace told you seriously, taking you by surprise. “I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t want to do it.”

“But why did you want to?” You asked, still not fully understanding the motive of your neighbour. “Not that I’m not grateful but I can’t help but think there’s more to it than just helping me out.”

“Okay, maybe I was being a little selfish in my reasons…”Ace admitted with a small smile, he wasn’t entirely apologetic in his admission you saw but you could see the slight mischief in his eyes at being caught. “It’s like I told your friends. When I saw my chance I took it. I offered to be your fake boyfriend because I hoped it would make a good enough impression on you to make asking you out for real that much easier.” You could only stare at Ace in bewilderment, mouth slightly agape as you were hit with the realisation that maybe your crush on your very attractive neighbour wouldn’t fizzle out after all and may now instead actually ignite into something else entirely.

——————————————-

TAG LIST (If I’ve missed anyone or if you want to be added just let me know) @3v37773, @tsaaps , @i-am-all-love-puns-and-lazy , @sanemisnonexistenteyebrow , @fiery-captain-spider-santa , @kabloswrld , @atanukileaf , @ane5e , @stuckinthewrongworld , @deathsmajestysworld , @cloudysunset04 , @extremely-ashtridic , @decayingpizza , @liesatemyocean , @ace-for-ace , @nerium-lil , @destynelseclipsa

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purplekiwis · 2 years ago

Text

𝑲𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆

Summary: While they're on opposite ends of the social spectrum, Y/N and Harry have been the closest of friends for years. But could it be that an all-night working session for a science project helps them break out of the friendzone?

Genre: Friends to Lovers | Nerd!Harry x Badgirl!Y/N

Warnings: SMUT | Self-Deprication | This is coming-of-age story. There's no mention of their age but both characters are in their last year of high school (just a heads up in case someone doesn't want to read because of that)

Wordcount: 10k

A/N: ok y'all, so i have made a mistake.

i was like 99% sure there was a request in my inbox asking for a blurb where harry was nerdy? i found it interesting so i started working on it... only to realize halfway into things that that was not in fact what was written in the request 😅

i figured i might as well post it anyways since i wrote it but yeah... i'm sorry, anon! i (now) know you wanted subby!harry, but all i have to give you is nerd!harry (don't worry, i made him a lil subby just for you 🤫)

also, before y'all flood my inbox with asks about the non finished fics (rightfully so) i hear you and i'm very, very sorry for the lack of updates. i had to take a break because i kept feeling like the texts i could come up with weren't good enough for the stories i wanted to tell. i still partly feel that way, but i'm hoping the lack of real harry content will inspire me to write more in the near future. thank you for reading my dumb little stories, i love you 💖

****************************************************************

Harry was never too fond of grocery shopping.

He really didn’t like the whole “put things inside the cart, remove things from the cart at the cashier, bag them, put them back into the cart, get them in the car, take them out of the car, bring them inside and put them away” process.

It was extremely inconvenient to him.

It was also very time-consuming, though Harry believed this particular belief of his was directly influenced by having to grocery shop with his grandparents every other day.

Naturally, they were slower than he was, so he'd just drag his feet behind them, push the cart and wait for them to ask him to grab something from the shelves that their aging pains no longer allowed them to reach.

That part was fine, what bore him the most was how easily they got sidetracked by trinkets that weren’t on the shopping list. Oh! And how they always managed to locate a random old person they knew from God knows where who engaged them in talks that appeared to stretch for hours.

Harry would try and make up reasons not to go with them sometimes, but he always felt a little guilty about it afterwards. After all, it was a very small favor for him to help his grandparents with their groceries, considering they had been the ones to provide him with a loving home after his parents failed to do so.

People always seemed to feel sorry for him when they found out he'd grown up without his “real parents” around, but he'd never had reasons to complain, really. Unlike his parents, Joe and Martha had always treated him nicely and made him feel genuinely loved.

They were a little overprotective at times, but like Y/N always said, that was probably because they watched too much TV.

Speaking of Y/N, Harry didn't hate grocery shopping with her so much. He even kind of enjoyed it as long as the space wasn't too crowded. That day it wasn’t, which he was extremely thankful for because it reduced the chances of them bumping into any familiar faces who might ask about his grandparents, or if the girl he was with was his girlfriend.

That’s another thing he detested about running into people his grandparents were friends with - they loved to pester him with indiscreet questions about his love life that made him go red-faced. It was even worse when he happened to be with Y/N during those times; fortunately, she was always a bit clueless about it. Harry guessed that the reason for that was that she was so comfortable with their friendship that she wasn't even aware of what was going on… even if she thought it a little odd that he kept introducing her as his neighbor even though they weren't neighbors anymore.

Despite the fact that they no longer lived next door to each other, Y/N was still a frequent visitor at Harry’s house. Ever since his family relocated to a different area of the city, it had become custom for her to spend the night whenever the two had group projects to do.

Their journey was always the same. As they got off the bus from school, they would head to the supermarket to stock up on frozen pizzas and late-night goodies to help them through the long hours they’d be spending working on their computers.

That day was no different. They'd just grabbed their pizzas, and were now wandering around the drinks aisle looking at the options.

“Do you think your grandma would notice if we hid one of these in your backpack?” Asked the ex-neighbor, Y/N. The smile on her face got him figuring she was up to no good… even before he noticed the bottle of whatever alcoholic beverage she was holding.

The idea startled him a little more than he'd like to admit. “Don’t start! And put it back before anyone sees you.”

The way his body jumped made Y/N laugh as she set the bottle back on its shelf. “Relax, okay? I was only messing with you... I knew you'd be too chicken to do it. But just so you know, they don't even ask for an ID most times.”

He replied to her with a headshake. “You're not as cool as you think just because you get drunk with your friends every once in a while.” She didn’t seem too pleased by his remark, but Harry figured that by now she ought to know he didn't mean most of what he said when he was annoyed. “You can get an iced tea… or a pepsi… or that weird-flavored soda you like.”

“Fine.”

Harry noticed that even after he allowed her to pick her favorite drink, Y/N still didn't seem particularly happy with him. She trailed behind him in silence while he pushed the cart around and didn't even appear to care when they walked past the shelf where her usual go-to snack was.

“Did you know that statistically, people who start drinking in their teens have a 5 times higher likelihood of becoming alcoholics than those who only start later?” Harry knew it probably wasn't the best conversation topic to get her to talk to him, but it was the only thing that came to his mind in the moment.

“Did you know that stating facts like that makes you look 1000 times more of a nerd than you already are?”

Harry snorted at her retort. “You didn't seem to mind me being a nerd when you asked me to work on the paper with you.”

“I do every paper with you, why should this be any different?”

He smirked at that. It was true. He and Y/N had attended every academic year together since they first met in elementary school, and they had managed to enroll in almost all of the same classes each time. They were currently in their senior year of high school, and their friendship was still pretty solid despite their different personalities and social interests.

Y/N was in the midst of a rebellious phase. In the beginning it all had been quite harmless, with her obsession with dyeing the ends of her hair crazy colors and pairing fishnets with knee socks. That somehow led her into starting to hang out with people Harry considered to be a little unnerving.

He wasn't sure what exactly made him annoyed about them... Maybe it was because he was a little resentful over having to “compete” for Y/N's attention and feared he would one day completely lose her to them, given that they were undoubtedly the cooler part of the equation. Perhaps part of it was also because those people reminded him of the kind who used to bully him for being a dork when he was younger. Thankfully, he wasn't being bullied as much anymore, but he still didn't have many friends.

He also barely interacted with girls, as one might expect. There were times he had crushes, but he was always afraid to talk to them, so things never really went anywhere. Thus, Y/N was really Harry's only female friend.

He confesses sometimes he was surprised she still wanted to hang out with him as much as she did. When she became popular, Harry naturally assumed she would ditch him for social status reasons, but that never happened, which was a big relief to him since he liked having her around.

They were both geeky, so they watched a lot of movies and played video games together... but when it came to other things, they were a little different. Y/N had a much better sense of style, was much more social, and enjoyed doing dumb things like smoking weed and getting drunk behind her parents’ backs.

Harry had never really understood the appeal of it. In fact, his lack of interest in participating in that stuff sometimes worried him a bit, but again... it wasn’t like he wasn’t curious.

There were a few times when he thought it would be cool if he could hang out with Y/N and her friends, go out drinking, dance, and maybe, just maybe, if he was very very lucky, even get to kiss someone on the mouth.

But then he always ended up reasoning that people like him weren't welcome at parties and that if he ever dared to step foot into one he'd probably end up being the butt of everyone’s jokes.

Even knowing so, he couldn't help fantasizing about it… especially the last part. Yes, Harry definitely thought about intimacy a lot more than he'd ever be willing to admit… and he also pondered a lot about how being practically invisible to girls sucked… and about how much he wished one would give him a chance.

He was aware of his issues, however. He knew he wasn’t exactly the hottest guy around. His haircut and clothing were out of style, mostly because he lacked the confidence to mess with his looks and follow the trends the way other people did. He’d buy new t-shirts sometimes; the only thing was that they almost always had gaming-related designs which obviously didn't do his style much good.

But it wasn’t all bad. Harry knew he had nice eyes… he just couldn't get the girls to come close enough to notice them. He figured the way he stared at the floor when he walked, along with the thick glasses he had been wearing since childhood had also taken part in preventing people from noticing how green his eyes were.

He thought Y/N had nice eyes as well, and he liked the way she accentuated them with make-up… even when her eyeliner turned out a little uneven or got smudgy because she forgot she had it on and rubbed her eyes with her fingers.

She'd been doing that a lot in the last hour they'd been working on their paper, which was making Harry feel a little bad.

Normally, by that time in the evening Y/N would already be working on her part, but as they'd started later than usual, she wasn't. Also, being the control freak he was, Harry always wanted to be the one in charge of the research portion of any papers they worked on. Leaving the final task of writing and flourishing to Y/N.

So the poor girl had been sitting next to him for hours, watching him go through articles on his laptop.

Harry could tell by the increased frequency of her yawns that her battery was running low, so he wasn't the least bit surprised when he heard her hesitantly ask, “Are you planning on staying up much longer? Aren’t you getting tired?”

“Um… not really. I found this really cool essay and want to make sure we gather all of their data.” He was so preoccupied with copying and pasting that he didn't even look away from the screen as he replied to the question. “It's a shame we don’t have any hot springs nearby... wouldn't it be cool if we could collect samples of these microbes and study them in the school lab?”

“Are you for real?” She looked at him like he was crazy as she let her back slide halfway down the bedframe. “Do you really find these stupid water microbes that interesting?”

“Not all of them, it’s just that I’d never considered that there could be some growing and thriving in actual boiling water… since, you know, that’s what’s supposed to kill them.” Due to the silence that followed, Harry realized that despite Y/N's efforts to keep him company, she was moments away from falling asleep. “Should I go get the air mattress to make your bed?”

“I can't sleep. I haven't done my part yet.”

“It's fine; we still have the entire day tomorrow to finish.”

“Don't bother with me if you’re focused on the paper. I just need to close my eyes for a bit, but I won’t fall asleep.” She promised, but Harry knew better than to believe her. “Do you mind if use your covers? Your room’s a bit chilly.”

“No, not at all.” He didn't mind it, in fact, he even found it a little exciting. Not in a pervy way, but it felt good to know that a good looking girl would be using his bed and leaving her girly scent on it. Harry tried not to dwell on those kinds of thoughts over Y/N too much, but of course he thought she was hot. He wasn’t that blind.

He hadn't always felt that way. For a long while Harry just thought of her as his best friend, but she'd grown into her curves in the last couple of years and he would be lying if he said his eyes and mind didn't occasionally wander. He felt a little bad about it, but it wasn't like he was ever going to do anything other than fantasize, so he supposed it was alright… as long as she didn’t catch on.

Truth be told, he’d always liked Y/N’s personality, but as of recently her looks and the way she dressed had also made her the type of girl he was attracted to on the outside. Yes, it was always the girls who wore alternative clothing and scowled a lot that caught his eye.

He was aware that his preference sounded extremely stereotypical coming from a shy loser like him, but it wasn’t like he could help what he was keen on.

“Is the entire chapter on Volcanic Islands really necessary?” She asked, leaning further into him so she could see the laptop screen despite being laid down.

“I'm not sure if it's necessary, but I thought we should at least mention these two islands since they keep coming up.” He could feel her sigh of defeat on his arm. “It’s already halfway done. I've already gotten all the info about Iceland… now all that's left is this tiny archipelago in Portugal.” With that, he rushed to type the final location on the Google search bar but was taken aback by Y/N's chuckling. “What are you laughing at?”

“Do you not know how to delete your browsing history?” She asked him, still laughing.

Harry's brows furrowed slightly, but he smiled along. “Huh, why? Seriously random that.”

“Random, really? I may only be half awake, but I can still see.”

“See what?”

“See Pornhub come up on your suggestions when you started typing Portugal.” Harry's face dropped instantly. Then, with a harsh slam, he shut his laptop lid. He could feel his entire body tensing up as a burning wave swept across his face, hotter than he'd ever felt before. “Harry, relax!” Y/N remarked when she saw him like that. She seemed rather worried about it as she clung to his arm and shook it. “Hey, look at me, this isn’t a bad thing. You don't have to-”

Before she could say anything else, Harry covered his face with his sheets and muttered, “Yes it is. It’s embarrassing.” Honestly, even that felt like a tame word to describe how he was feeling. This was, hands down, one of the most awkward circumstances he’d ever been in. He wasn't prepared to deal with it, so he chose to remain hidden and avoid further conversation.

He knew he'd have to come out at some point, but he couldn’t bear the thought of facing Y/N knowing that she knew he watched porn and wanked. It was making him feel all kinds of yucky, which was why he was a bit shocked by what happened right after.

Y/N ventured under the sheets after him, and eventually nestled into his side. The warmth felt nice, but being so close to her was weird. He liked it, but it also made him feel worse at the same time, given that she'd been the catalyst for his breakdown in the first place and all that. Plus, he still couldn't wrap his head around why she wanted to touch him when he felt so icky.

Despite the fact that they were right next to each other, it took a while for one of them to venture breaking the silence. By the time Harry tried, he had a dry mouth, so he had to swallow first. “I know it’s not your fault, but I'd honestly rather you hadn't said anything because knowing you saw is making me feel like shit.”

His faltering whispers seemed to stun Y/N a little, as if she'd already accepted that they wouldn't be talking for the rest of the night. “There's no need for you to feel that way… especially with me.” She returned his hushed words. “I wouldn't have said anything if I knew you'd get like this. I was just joking.”

“I know, but it still bothers me.” Harry was a little surprised by how at ease he felt speaking in quiet whispers while hiding under his covers. For some reason, talking to Y/N in this setting wasn’t as mortifying as he'd anticipated. “And just to be clear, I have no idea how that ended up in my suggestions. I always use incognito mode for that stuff.”

He couldn't see her, but he could feel her shrug. “You must have forgotten to open a new tab. It has happened to me before.”

“Oh. So. You watch it too?”

“Doesn't everybody, at least once in a while?”

“I don’t know… I suppose they must, yeah.” They both fell quiet for a bit, but not for longer than a few breaths as Harry felt the urge to clarify something. “I don't want you to think I'm a perv, though. I don't watch it all that often… not the kind of stuff that you’re probably thinking I watch, anyway.”

“What do you think I think you watch?”

“I don’t know, like… cringy, scripted porn… you know, the usual “oh no, I’m stuck!” stuff that shows up on the main page.”

“Um… I’ll be honest, you’ve always came across as more of a Hentai guy to me. And before you say anything, this isn't just me calling you a weeaboo. I've watched my share too and overall, I think it's much better than that other stuff you were talking about.”

“Yeah, fine... I'll admit that I like Hentai, but it’s not all I watch.” Harry wasn't sure why he felt so keen on sharing all of a sudden, but weirdly, he was kind of enjoying their conversation. He found the topic interesting, and he'd never had the chance to discuss it with anybody in person before so… it was fun. And, on top of that, Y/N was disclosing a bit too and he liked that he was getting to know this part of her as well. “Do you know what audio porn is?” She hummed and nodded yes. “Cool, so, there’s this category called ‘guided masturbation’ that’s basically just girls talking and like... telling you what to do. There’s no visual content really, but it has a very real feel to it that I like... almost as if you're on the phone with someone.”

“That's interesting, actually. I always thought that audio porn mostly for women, since, you know... everyone says men are visual creatures.” She shifted her weight slightly, turning towards him. “But you still find naked girls hot, right? the sight of them?”

“Well, of course. I’d be worried if that wasn’t the case.” Her question struck Harry a little, but he liked that she was acting curious and asking him things. “Honestly, I think the reason why I don't watch more regular porn is because I can't picture myself living out the fantasies. I don’t know, it’s weird to explain.”

“You can’t picture yourself in a sexy plumber costume ready to unclog a hot milf’s pipes?”

Harry snorted. “You're joking, but that's pretty much what it is.”

She hummed as she drew closer to him on the bed. This time her, placing her head into the crook of his arm. Her mouth was closer to Harry's ear in this position, although he wasn't aware of this until he heard, and felt, her whisper again. “Is that why you like to hear girls telling you what to do? because you're a bit unexperienced?”

Harry wasn't usually one to cuss, but shit. Hearing her whisper that somewhat snarky question so close to his ear struck a chord with him. It was freaking hot and kind of reminded him a bit of the audios he liked. Obviously, it wasn't as explicit, but it was better in many ways. A huge downside to the experience, however, was that it was extremely difficult to concentrate afterward. In fact, in the midst of his thoughts, Harry almost forgot to reply. “Um… I guess? I’m sorry, I kind of forgot what the question was.”

“No, it’s all good. I’m sure you must be getting tired.” With that, Y/N crawled out from under the covers. As she did so, her hand stumbled onto Harry’s toppled over laptop. “Oh, I didn’t even notice this was here. We should probably turn it off, right? Assuming you don't want to keep working after this.”

Harry also came out from hiding and sat up in a position similar to hers, with his legs partially covered by the covers. As his eyes re-acclimated to the brightness of the room, he massaged them a little. “Sure. I’ll just need a moment to, uh… make sure the file got saved properly, if that’s okay.”

Taking advantage of his temporary blindness, Y/N snatched his pillow from his side of the bed. She tucked it under herself and slid back under the sheets. “I've got a comfy bed right here so… feel free to take as much time as you need.”

He smiled at her antics as he readjusted the laptop over his legs and opened it. Turns out the file had been autosaved, but Harry still saved it once more before switching off his computer and setting it over his desk. “Yeah, that's fine. I don’t mind giving you my bed for the night and sleeping on the air mattress for a change.”

“Or you could spare yourself and sleep right there instead of worrying about which one of us will be sleeping on the floor.”

Her offer caused his eyebrows to rise, but he wasn't sure if that was a good thing to do. He liked the idea of it but was a little concerned about accidentally doing something embarrassing in the middle of the night. What if he made a toot? Or worse, had a wet dream? He hadn't had any recently, but one never knew when it might start happening again. In any case, he'd probably wake up with a stupid morning wood as usual, which was something that he could typically make go away before he got up when Y/N was around… but if she was going to sleep next to him, wasn’t there a chance she could tell? That prospect made him terrified. “Um… I'm not sure that I'm a good sleep partner; grandma says I used to move a lot in my sleep when I was small.”

“Oh. I don’t mind. I just don't feel like sleeping by myself tonight for some reason.” Y/N shrugged, leaving him unsure of what to say next. It was already difficult to say no when it wasn’t what he wanted to say, but it became nearly impossible when he looked at her and met her begging eyes.

Well then, if she was being so casual about it, he figured it must not be that common for people to do humiliating things in their sleep, contrary to what he had previously been led to believe by his insecurities. The other factor that was pushing him to say yes was that having to get up to grab the air mattress from the attic and make Y/N a bed sounded a little too demanding for how lazy he was feeling. His bed wasn't even tiny either, so they'd have plenty of room to spread out without troubling one another throughout the night. “Ok, alright. But don't grumble tomorrow about having trouble falling asleep because of me. This was entirely your idea.”

“I don’t grumble.” He made sure to let her see his eyeroll before turning off the lights and getting into bed with a second pillow for himself. No one said anything for a bit, they were just adjusting their positions in search for the most comfortable one. Harry was still wide-awake, but he believed it wouldn't be long until Y/N fell asleep. She was already close to when they were working on the paper, so it shouldn't take long at all.

She proved him wrong, though, when she blurted out something after minutes of being quiet. “I have another question for you...”

“Oh. What’s that?”

Harry saw a shadow that he believed to be her head poking up from the pillow, propped on what should be her arm. Her voice sounded quite chirpy too, which meant he’d probably underestimated how awake and willing to chat his friend actually was. “Have you ever… like, kissed anyone?”

“That’s so random.” It was during times like these that Harry wished he could travel back in time. If he could go back and pretend to be asleep two seconds ago when Y/N asked if she could ask him a question, he wouldn’t even hesitate. Heck, he'd even pretend to snore if it meant not having to respond but alas, since Harry didn’t have any time travel abilities, that wasn’t an option. She knew he was awake and was anxiously awaiting his response. “You're quite random sometimes, Y/N...”

Her voice was hushed, yet a little taunting. “That’s not an answer.”

Harry sighed, realizing she wasn't going to let him off the hook until he participated in the discussion she wanted to have. “Alright, then… define kissing... does something like a peck qualify?”

“No, Harry. I'm talking about actual kissing. Tongue and all.”

“Oh um. I knew that, obviously.”

“And did you do it or not?”

“Yeah I, uh. I've kissed...” His words stumbled slightly. They didn't come out as cool or confident as he’d hoped, but he did try to make his statement sound plausible. “But it wasn’t with a lot of tongue... just like, a little bit.”

Y/N let out a snort at his unconvincing answer. “You’re a shit liar, but fine. I used to lie about it too when people asked me.” Rather than defending himself, Harry didn't say anything, which told his friend all she needed to know. “Is it something you think about, though? would you like to do it?”

“Well, yeah… of course I’d like to. Even some of the guys I hang out with have done it... and you’ve seen them.” Harry felt a bit mean making that remark about his friends' looks. Obviously, he wanted them to have someone who liked them, but that didn’t change the fact that none of them had much going in terms of physical appeal. “I'm not saying this to make you feel sorry for me. I know I’m the problem and that the reason why I haven’t kissed yet is because I’m not a kissable person. My only hope is that things will change once we start college. I don't know if I ever told you before, but I've been thinking about switching to contacts. I was also thinking it could be nice to exercise a bit just so clothes would fit me better. What do you think? It should help, right?”

Even in total darkness, Harry could tell that Y/N's eyebrows were deeply furrowed by her tone of voice. “Who was it that told you you weren't kissable?”

“Nobody needed to tell me. I see myself every time I look in the mirror. I dress like my grandpa and have a bit of a hunch like him too.”

“I think you're mistaking being unattractive for wearing clothes that aren’t particularly flattering. It's very different.” Harry knew she couldn't see it, but he was kissing his teeth at what she’d said. “If the reason why you want to make those changes is to feel better about yourself, then you have my full support… I do, however, have a feeling that’s not all it is, so I hope you realize that you don’t have to bend over backwards to be likable or kissable, or anything else. You already are all of those things exactly as you are.”

“I appreciate you sugarcoating things to make me feel better but if what you are saying were true, and I was fine the way I am, I wouldn't have this much trouble finding someone who saw that in me.” He sighed, a little annoyed by her efforts. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but it’s hard for me to believe you’ll ever understand what it feels like to be me. You’re like... the coolest, most kissable girl ever.”

There was a slight click, and suddenly the room got soaked in an orange light that caused Harry to squint despite his familiarity with it. His bedside table lamp was on, and Y/N was staring at him in awe. “You think I’m kissable?”

Crap. Had he really blurted it out that way? He couldn't recall the precise words he had used, but it seemed unlikely that Y/N was asking him that for no reason. She looked very taken aback by what she’d heard, and Harry, who still hadn't a clue how he’d managed to put his foot in it yet again, felt his face turn red and his tongue stutter once more. “Not in a weird way! Maybe I phrased it in a way that made it seem like I was being weird, but it was just a form of expression. Not that what I said isn’t true, but I would never say it like that. Even if I wanted to kiss you, which has never crossed my mind, really.”

“Hm.” Y/N’s gaze was drawn to her hands as he finished. Harry observed that she was picking at her nail polish, which was rather unusual for her unless she was nervous. “Is it really that ridiculous? I mean, if you wanted to, I wouldn't mind...”

His forehead wrinkled. “Why? Because you feel sorry for me?”

“No Harry, because I'd like to.”

“Me? You’d like to kiss me? Why?”

Y/N shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know.” Her tone was a little hesitant, but she carried on. “Aff, okay… screw it. I might as well tell you since we’re talking about it. So, I, uh. I have a bit of a thing for you. I’ve had it for a while, but it was never serious… since well, I never really felt like there was a real possibility that it could be reciprocated. That’s why I didn’t tell you sooner, that and because I wasn't sure how things would turn out if you rejected me so… I figured it would be best not to say anything.” She shrugged once more, as a small smile formed on her lips. “You’ve also never mentioned having any crushes or being into anyone, so I thought maybe you weren't interested in that type of stuff much.”

“Yeah, right.” Harry rolled over in bed, facing away from her. It wasn’t unusual of Y/N to play practical jokes on him from time to time, but this one did not go over well with him. It seriously screwed with his self-esteem and since it was her, he could have easily been tricked into admitting something he'd end up regretting. “I know you’re taking the piss and I don't think it's funny, like, at all.”

“Why would I be taking the piss? Do you really think I'd joke about something like this? And look at me when I'm speaking to you!” She pulled on his shoulder, compelling him to lie onto his back so she could at least see his face.

Harry complied with her, but not without a groan. “I'm serious Y/N. If you’re trolling, this is your one chance to say so ‘cause If I find out later that you were doing this to see me make a fool of myself or to get me flustered, I'm going to get really, really angry at you.”

“I may play a lot of dumb jokes, but I don't play with people's feelings like that… let alone my friends' feelings. I'm dead serious, Harry. It's really not that hard to see it if you think a little.” She huffed, upset that he wasn’t taking her seriously. She'd guessed he’d act a little wary at first but hadn't expected him to think she was pulling a prank on him. How could he have missed that she had a thing for him anyway, with how touchy she was when they were alone together? With her acting so eager to be his first kiss? She'd been shit at hiding it for years. It was so clear. “Do you remember when we were kids... my parents took us to a fancy playground by a lake and... there was a girl there who had a Nintendo but wouldn't let me play with it, she would only let you, so I snatched it away?”

"Yeah, I remember.” As he replied, Harry was unable to stop himself from letting out small laugh at the memory. “And then you threw it in the water because you'd heard from someone that Nintendo’s were waterproof. Your parents got so mad, and she wouldn't stop crying. It was awful.”

“Yeah, that. Except, I never really thought that they were waterproof. I did it because she was nasty... and it made me upset that you’d left me to play on the slide alone.” Y/N admitted, also laughing and shaking her head a bit at her childish antics. “I didn't know back then what being jealous was, but I think about that day sometimes... it makes me feel embarrassed obviously, but it also makes me realize that I've always been really possessive of you. I think if you'd turn out to have many girlfriends I would have realized much sooner that my feelings for you weren't just friendly ones.”

“Wow. Was that really what that was?” Harry was stupefied and Y/N couldn't not giggle at his open mouthed reaction. “I’m sorry, it’s just… this whole thing is really confusing. My head is spinning a bit and... being completely honest, part of me still thinks that you’re joking but at the same time, you seem serious enough so I’m gonna choose to believe you. Even if I have no idea why you'd like me that way, other than maybe ‘cause I'm tall.

“The hair too. Don't forget your fluffy hair.” She added playfully. “No but, even though I like those things, they aren’t the reason why I like you. I just do. There’s no logical explanation for it.”

“Yeah, um. That makes sense. I mean, not really but I think I understand that feeling you were describing and… I can kind of relate to it too since I've kind of had a small crush too since last year… or well, I've realized last year... back when you were dating that Joshua guy. It made me jealous. I’ve always thought it was silly though, so I tried not to think about it too much.” Harry acknowledged, albeit doing it with more trepidation and delay than Y/N had. “I've had other crushes too, but they were on girls I never talked to so... they didn’t last too long.”

“Wait so… you’ve had a crush too? since that long?”

“I- uh.. I have. Yeah.”

“You must be really good at hiding your feelings then, because I never noticed anything that suggested that, much less that you were jealous. Trust me, if I had any inkling I would’ve had this conversation with you last year instead of doing what I did. I didn’t even like Joshua much… I just wanted to have someone.” She pursed her lips in a mournful smile before reaching out for Harry's hand. It wasn’t the first time that their hands had brushed, but this time something in Harry's chest was sparked by her touch, making him feel both ecstatic and stiff at the same time. “It's nice that you've had other crushes, though. I think I'd be more upset if I found out you'd been caught up on me all this time and I'd just been completely unaware of it. With that said, I don't want you thinking about other girls now. Only me.”

“Yeah, okay. Just you. I like how that sounds a lot.” Harry had no idea what had possessed him, but he felt compelled to bring her hand to his mouth and kiss it. His gesture made her giggle, but he got somewhat self-conscious afterwards. “Was that lame? Probably, right?”

“No, it was cute. I liked it.” She reciprocated by lifting his hand to her mouth and placing a kiss over his knuckles. “Is there anywhere else you’d like me to kiss?”

With a tentative smile, he gave her a direct glance before nodding. Y/N scooted a bit closer to him but as they got closer, Harry's body tightened a little. He couldn't take his eyes off her lips, yet the sight of the rosy, fluffy cushions was giving him pause. “I’m sorry if I’m not… uh… if I don’t know how to...”

She gave his cheek a comforting caress. “That’s fine, but are you okay? You’re shaking a bit.”

Harry laughed, feeling rather frustrated with himself. “Yeah, um… sorry about that. I'm just really nervous.”

“It can wait if you're not ready.” Y/N made a point of assuring him, even though she had a feeling that waiting wasn't what Harry wanted. He was just nervous, which was totally normal for someone who was about to get their first kiss. The most she could do was try to make him a bit calmer. “Is there anything specific that you're worried about?”

“No, I’m ready. It's just a bit overwhelming. This is all so alien to me… it’s a lot for my nervous system to handle.” Y/N couldn’t not frown a bit at how adorable he was as she listened. “I- I'm also a little in over my head, thinking I probably won’t be as good as the boys you've kissed before.”

“You don't have to worry about that, really. Trying stuff until you figure out what makes the other person melt is the most fun part.” She assured, before giving his hand another kiss. “We’ll learn that from one another, okay?”

Harry nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

Upon his approval, Y/N pulled herself closer and higher, until her face was barely above his. They both smiled as she rubbed her nose against his... once, twice, and then it happened. She dropped her head just enough for their lips to touch.

Her tenderness and Harry's stomach-bursting butterflies were in stark contrast, making for a bizarre, yet fascinating combination of sensations.

They weren't quite in time with one another's lips but their kiss was free flowing. And it felt flawless, akin to a Vivaldi concerto or a Michelangelo masterpiece. There was something alarming about it too, however. Suddenly, Harry could feel the relatively insignificant seed of love that Y/N had planted in his heart blossom into a giant sequoia tree. And he couldn't, for the life of him, fathom the possibility of having shared a moment as nice with anyone else.

He was truly loving whatever love spell she was casting on his body with her kissing, which is why he couldn't help but let out a low whimper when he felt their lips unglue from her pulling away. “Why did you- why did you stop?”

“Your glasses are getting in the way.” She explained as she carefully started pulling them off his face. “Here, much better.” As soon as she was done placing his glasses over the nightstand, she raised her leg and straddled him. Well, sort of. It was more of an embrace; except she was laying on top of him. “This is okay, right? Not too much pressure?”

“Mh-mm. Better. Thank you.” Harry's face was flushed, and he couldn't stop smiling as he stared at her. She was so pretty, and her body over his felt so cozy. It was still hard to believe he had kissed her, but the tingle on his lips confirmed it was real, despite how uncanny it all felt. “I like this a lot, being this close to you.”

“Me too.” She ran her fingertips across his blushing skin. “You're so cute like this. I should’ve kissed you way sooner. You seem to like it too, don't you?”

“Mh-mm. I really do.” Harry desperately wanted more kisses from her, but he was still a little too unsure of himself to initiate. Besides, he’d really liked when she took initiative earlier and led the way so that’s what he wanted to happen again. “I’d like to do it some more, if that’s okay...”

Y/N smiled at his request, but wasted no time before she leaned in to taste his lips again.

It was mostly just smooches that they were trading, but that didn’t keep her from taking a nibble here and there. Harry was very responsive to her nibbles, which she appreciated. She’d never been with a boy who got whimpery and breathy just from making out before, but she found it to be incredibly encouraging and arousing.

What made it extra hot was knowing he wasn't doing it on purpose because he knew girls liked stuff like that. It was just how his body was reacting to her. She was also well aware that her kisses had gotten him bricked up instantaneously. His warm stiffness was palpable between her thighs, despite being covered by his pajama bottoms.

If it had been any of the boys she’d kissed before, the erection would have freaked her out a bit, but as it was Harry she thought it was cute that he was so excited. He wasn't the only one feeling this way though. The damp panties she had on served as a casual reminder that she was getting quite excited as well.

Despite her wants, Y/N had been doing a great job of controlling herself… only that task became much more challenging when Harry started getting more comfortable, more intuitive, and by default, touchier. At some point in the course of their kissing, he’d started sliding his hands up her back and, on occasion, giving her hips a squeeze. He'd noticed she was pleased by this, so he worked up the nerve to lower his hands to her bum and squeeze her there too.

“Not feeling so shy anymore, are you?” Y/N playfully teased, to which Harry responded by smiling and hiding his face by pulling her in for a hug. It hadn't been her intention to rub up on him, but he’d drew her in so close that their bellies were flush together, so when she shifted next he felt it on his crotch… and moaned, all deep and throaty. They stared at each other, until Y/N turned her mouth to Harry's ear and asked, “Do you want this? want me to do it again?”

His nodding was quick. “Just don't go too fast, ‘cause uh... might feel too good.”

“Okay, got it.” She said, then held onto the pillow under Harry’s head, nails digging into fabric as she began to move slowly on top of him. Rolling her hips to press down on the bulge in his pants. The pressure on her clit was both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, it was a relief to finally have a way to sooth some of the built-up tension, but on the other, it made her yearn for more friction.

She could feel his heavy, strained breathing against her skin. “Mm, it's too much, feels… too good. Ah-” He moaned again, once her fingers gripped at the roots of his hair.

“Shh, quiet.” Y/N covered his mouth and smiled. “I love your moans, but we have to keep it quiet.” She said, before removing her hand from his mouth and putting her lips in its place.

“I know, sorry.” Harry replied once she broke their kiss. “If I get loud again, you can repeat that hand thing if you want… it was hot.”

“Hmm, was it?” She returned her hand to his lips, but this time she allowed two fingers to go inside and prod into his mouth, that he was keeping slightly ajar for her. “That’s good, Harry. You're a natural at this, I think.” She had been straddling him with her body leaning over his, but she sat upright for a moment to appreciate how adorable he looked with her fingers in his mouth from farther away. As soon as he saw her eyes fixed on him, his lips encircled her fingers, and his tongue began to softly wriggle between them. “Mh-m... that's it. Just like that.”

As she started moving her hips again, Harry's hands shot to her waist, to hold her as she rutted against him. This gave her more balance, so she ramped up the pace, rubbing harder and faster to create the desired friction for her. The change caught up with Harry quickly, who began groan restlessly into her fingers in response. She pulled them off to let him speak. “S-slow... please go slower. If you don't, I'll-”

“Make a mess. I know. Give me your hands.” As per Y/N’s request, Harry slid his hands away from her waist and held them up between their bodies. Y/N took them, entwined their fingers together and then without warning, allowed her weight to fall forward, successfully pinning him to the bed. “I know you want to, but you're ashamed about doing it in your underwear. So, I was thinking… if I keep you like this and force it out of you, maybe you won't feel so bad about wanting it anymore. What do you say?”

“I just don't want to get you dirty, that's all. I thought I could keep it under control a little better, but I can't. It feels so much better than my hand.” Harry acknowledged, smiling shyly. “That sounds hot, though… the idea of you forcing it.”

“I know but don't worry about getting me dirty. I brought extra pjs.” She gave him a reassuring smile and squeezed his hands. “So…you want to do it, then? Since you think it’s hot…”

A delaying groan rumbled in his throat before his lips parted into a broad smile, the kind of smile you make when you’re on the verge of breaking into laugher. “I’m going be so embarrassed about this tomorrow, but yeah. I want to.”

Y/N shook her head at him, grinning. “Don't. I've always wanted to do this. It's a bit of a fantasy of mine, I guess.” She didn’t give him a chance to react to her confession, as she started rutting against his cock again. This time she wasn’t being gentle or avoiding any harsh friction. Her movements were quicker and jerkier than they had been before, and she tightened her hold on his hands as well. She had a hunch Harry liked the feeling of being held down and used, so that's what she was doing.

He was shivering beneath her, taking fast breaths through his mouth as he looked her in the eyes. The poor baby couldn’t stay quiet for the life of him, either. His whimpers and groans were unrelenting, so she was bound to muffle him once more.

His now-free hand joined hers over his mouth, but it didn’t linger there for long since he took hold of her wrist and started guiding it downward. “My neck,” He pleaded lowly, his voice trembling. “…want your hand on my neck.”

She gave him a devilish smirk before grabbing his throat. She only needed to hold him still; there was no need to squeeze or do anything else. “And I want your cum,” she told him, hoping that slipping in a few dirty words in combination with her movements would make him snap. “…want to get all wet from it.”

Harry’s legs jerked beneath her. “Close,” He warned, a little startled. “So, so close…” The fact that she could not only hear him but also feel his words on his throat as he spoke was incredibly arousing. “Please…” He pled sweetly, what triggered a sudden desire in Y/N's chest to be closer. She released her hold on his throat and hugged him tight as she drove her hips into his, rutting violently to make him orgasm.

It worked.

Between her thighs, Y/N could feel his warm juices seeping through the material of their pajamas. So she kept rutting, wanting to make sure she had extracted every last drop of them.

Harry returned her tight hug all the way through his climax, and he didn’t let go after either. They remained in that position for a while, holding each other close regardless of the slightly unpleasant wetness that was binding them together. “We should probably change right?” Y/N asked after a beat, despite her lack of want to wrest away from him.

“M-hm. I’m all gross and sticky.” Harry laughed. “I’m gonna need another shower in the morning, but for now, I think I'll just wipe it off and put on new boxers. I mean if you don't mind that I don't wear pants to bed…”

“No, I don't mind. I'm gonna take mine off too.”

“Oh. That's a great idea. Sounds perfect to me.” Harry playfully quipped, before he got out of bed and started opening drawers. “Also, um… I don't know how to ask without being weird, but could you close your eyes for a moment? so I can take care of myself real quick?” Y/N said yes and turned away to give him privacy while he cleaned himself and changed. She was a tiny bit surprised that he hadn't wanted to use the restroom for that, but she figured that since it was closer to his grandparents' bedroom at the end of the corridor, he probably didn't want to risk going and waking them up. “Okay… you can look now.”

When Y/N looked at him next, the first thing she noticed was that he had on a pair of tight, black boxers. The next thing she noticed was that Harry was looking at her legs, since, as he’d probably seen when he turned, she had also stripped off her pants in the interim, leaving just her grey panties on. “What?” He smiled in response to her curious gaze.

She wouldn’t bring it up, but she could see he had grown a little hard in his boxers just from seeing her sprawled in bed with no pants on. “Nothing, you’re cute.”

Harry snorted at that. “Thanks, but you're much cuter.” He wandered across the room to where the supermarket bags were. “Are you thirsty? Do you want water or a snack? ”

“Hmm, just water if that’s okay.”

Harry handed her the water bottle and sat down on the bed next to her while she drank from it. “You didn’t cum…” he pointed out after a moment of pause.

“Oh um… yeah. I didn’t. It’s okay though.” Y/N laughed, shrugged, and took another sip of her water.

“Hmm.” Harry hummed, before scooting a little closer to her. “It must be a bit of an unpleasant feeling, no? and hard to sleep like that.”

“It is a little until it goes away but nothing that I can't handle.”

“Hm.” He hummed again, before Y/N cocked her head to kiss his lips. She’d only meant to give him a peck, but Harry changed her plans when he leaned in to kiss her deeper. He seemed really eager to continue kissing and well, she wasn't about to say no to him. Especially when he went so far as to nibble on her lip, which he hadn’t done before. He was also getting handsy with her, and she loved it. He was touching her more and focusing on the spots he'd learned she liked.

“That,” She blurted, as she paused to catch her breath. “That feels really nice.”

“M-hm.” He murmured against her lips as he kissed her again. His hand continued to grab at her as they kissed, to the point where Y/N couldn’t take it anymore. She hadn’t meant to but ended up moving her knees apart out of desperation. Being so blatant almost made her feel ashamed, but she didn't because she felt Harry's palm wrap over her crotch. In response to his touch, she moaned into his mouth, and he moaned back, surprised at how her moisture had soaked through her panties. “Teach me.” He asked, softly. “I want to learn. I- um, want to make you go to sleep happy.”

“That’s so nice, Harry, really. I, um-” She smiled while wiping the tears forming in her eyes. “I’m already happy.” She didn’t know what was making her so overwhelmed with joy all of sudden. She’d always known Harry was boyfriend material, but it was still nice to see how much he gave thought to her needs and happiness. And she was happy. So, so happy to finally have him like this, all to herself. “Do you want me to show you how to touch?”

“Yes please. To make you feel good.”

“Okay.” She placed her hand on top of his. “Here,” she explained once she’d guided his fingers to the spot of her panties right above her clit. “Circular motions with your fingers feel really nice, so does pressure. You don't have to focus on just that spot though… the nicest feeling is when you rub there but also all over.” She glanced at him, then bit her lip and asked, “Wanna try?”

“Yeah, alright.” Harry responded, adjusting his position slightly so that Y/N could get more comfortable. They decided to have her sit between his legs, facing away from him since that would make it easier for her to lead him. Once they’d both settled, Harry began to touch her in the way she had showed him, moving his hand broadly enough to reach a little bit everywhere in between her legs. “Am I doing it right?”

“Mm-hmm, you're doing really good.” Y/N was still holding his hand while he touched her, and she was fascinated by the size difference between their hands. “Your hands are really big, which... makes it feel extra good.”

“Really? That’s nice. I'm definitely grateful for that.” He said while looking down as well. “Should I put more pressure, or is it okay as it is?”

“It’s fine but I wouldn’t mind a little more...” She could tell he was afraid of hurting her, and that’s why he was being so careful and gentle in his touching. She wasn’t planning on rushing him or constantly give him directions though, so instead she simply relaxed against his chest and let him probe at his own pace. Because, after all, even though he was playing safe, she was still thoroughly enjoying herself.

It took Harry a few minutes to figure out how much pressure and speed he should be using, but eventually he pressed and swirled his fingers around her sensitive nub in a way that felt just right. When Y/N’s breath faltered he glanced at her worriedly, what made her chuckle. “No, don't worry. You didn't hurt me. Keep going like that.”

Harry smiled at that. He’d had a feeling he was starting to get the hang of it due to the way Y/N’s breathing had become more erratic and she'd begun to quiver against him on occasion but hearing it from her mouth that he was doing a good job was much, much better. He was really looking forward to making her cum. She looked so good like this, flushed and a little out of breath. She'd been staring at his face a lot from over her shoulder in the last couple of minutes, biting her lip and letting out little gasps of pleasure to let him know he was making her feel good.

“Like that. Don’t stop.” Those quiet, whispered words snapped him out of his reverie. He knew what they meant, even before she told him, “I’m really, really close.”

He'd learnt from a meme he saw once that when girls said that, boys weren't meant to speed up or change what they were doing in the slightest. So he merely focused on adding a bit more pressure, since that was something he knew she liked, and trying to keep his hand's tempo.

Despite how hot he found it, Harry wasn't very comfortable with dirty talk, but seeing her like this and recalling the perfect, filthy words she'd said to him just before making him cum, he felt compelled to give it a shot. “I can feel how wet your panties are, it’s so hot.” He whispered into her hair. “I can smell it too and it makes me want to eat you so bad. I've never done it before, but I can't stop thinking about doing it to you.” Rather than trying to sound hot, he was simply stating facts about how she was making him feel, and somehow it was working. “I wanna make you cum like this first though. From rubbing it this way, like you taught me to.”

Harry's words, paired with the precise movements of his fingertips around her pussy got Y/N right at the edge. She trembled, clutched his wrist, and strained to keep her legs open.

“Please, please, please...” She started begging out loud right before the warm pleasure bubble on her belly popped, so Harry did the same thing she’d done to him and muffled her by putting his free hand over her mouth.

He hadn't anticipated being able to feel when a girl orgasmed, but he was. He could feel the strong pulse under his fingers as soon as Y/N started to cum, and it was one of the hottest things he’d ever experienced. He could also feel the damp spot on her panties becoming even wetter as he rubbed her through it and God, the smell… it was making his mouth water.

If she didn’t look so exhausted, Harry would have begged her to let him take off her panties and lick her clean, but those puffy, glossy eyes didn't permit his mind to stray any further. If there was one thing Harry understood about Y/N, it was how she looked just before falling asleep, and that was exactly how she was getting.

So he helped her into bed and laid down beside her, but his heart wouldn't let him fall asleep before he asked, “You’re staying for the entire weekend, right?” and his ears picked up a faint “M-hm” in return.

This was going to be the best weekend ever.

#harry styles smut #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fic #harry styles writing #harry styles imagine #harry styles blurb #harry styles x yn #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfic #nerd!harry #sub!harry #harry styles x you #purplekiwis #kissable

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saberlight1 · 1 year ago

Text

the red means i love you — frank castle

pairing: frank castle x fem!reader

warnings: violence! like a lot of violence.. and detailed accounts of said violence, reader goes insane, mentions of murder, trauma, reader is a past widow for the red room, Y/N usage, kidnapping, established relationship, fluff, standard the punisher warnings.

authors note: hii theree! so this one is kind of insane, i may have went just a tad bit overboard, but y’know. thank you anon for this request that this fic is based on! this story is heavily based on the song, ‘the red means i love you’ by madds buckley, so give it a listen if you’d like. much love to you all, i hope you all enjoy this !

masterlist

You panted, your hand pulling the machete out of the last man’s chest. Your vision was still hazy, and you didn’t exactly feel like you were in your body.

But, that’s how you always felt when you killed.

As you gathered your bearings, your eyes began to dart around the room— and you realized how many men you had just taken out.

“Motherfucker,” You groaned as the pain began to set in due to the knife that was currently in your thigh. One of them must of done it when you were distracted, and your adrenaline was far too high for you to register it.

You no longer had that problem, it hurt like a bitch. But, you’ve had worse— a lot worse, and you could handle it. So you did was you were trained to do: push the emotions and pain away get the damn job done.

You had to. For Frank.

You see, he was taken by God knows who. You and Frank had no shortage of enemies, so you weren’t exactly sure who you were even invading, but you didn’t care. You knew they had Frank.

You were getting him back. You didn't care how many lives you had to take, you would do it all without second thought.

One of them had his sawed-off shotgun, they tried to shoot you with it. So you knew he was here. You just didn’t know exactly where.

And you’d go through hell and back to get to him.

So with a sharp inhale, you began to walk over to one of your victims, snatching the shotgun from his cold grip. A new sense of rage washed over you when you held the cold metal in your hands— they tried to take Frank from you.

You couldn’t let that stand.

Anger flooded your bloodstream as you began to stalk over to the hallway in front of you, cocking the shotgun along the way. You looked damn insane—you were covered in blood, a knife sticking out your thigh, your machete in one hand and Frank’s shotgun in the other.

One thing was for sure: you were out for fuckin’ blood.

You kicked open the first door you saw with your good leg, and inside were 3 men. Before they could even get a chance to react, you let the first round of bullets fly at one of them, the man dead instantly.

You narrowed your eyes at the two remaining men, putting the machete in your belt, you cocked the shotgun and aimed directly towards them. “Where the fuck is Frank.”

“I–I don’t know what you’re talking about,” One of the men stuttered out.

You scoffed, shooting that same man in the shin. “You think I’m fuckin’ playin’ around? I said, where the fuck is he?! What did you do with Frank?!” You shouted angrily, cocking the gun once more.

The man cried out, falling to his knees as his partner put his hands up in surrender. “He’s in the building..” He murmured, but you could see the man you shot reaching for the gun that the other had so obviously in the back of his pants.

Rolling your eyes, you shot the man who was still unharmed in the head. “Fuckin’ useless. I’ll find him myself.” You muttered to mainly yourself before grabbing your machete once more and stomping over to the last one.

“No, no, no!” He begged, backing away as far as he could from you. “Killing me won’t do anything. You’ll never get through all of us. You and Castle are as good as dead,” He spat and you only gave a sinister smile in return before you dove the machete into his chest.

After he was dead, you took your machete and wiped it clean of the blood before storing it back in your belt. You walked out the room without another thought as you continued your walk down the hallway, Frank’s shotgun tight in your grasp as you pointed it for precaution.

The next room you walked into contained 5 men, and then 3 after you let your itchy trigger finger take over.

3 guns were pointed at you in a instant, and you smirked in delight. "Drop them now!" He nodded towards your weapons. With a smirk still on your face, you let your machete clattered to the ground, but still kept Frank's shotgun in your hand. If you were going to die, you wanted it to happen with at least something that tied to Frank.

Staring them all down, you tried to wait for one of them to make the first strike— but eventually you got bored.

You hit one of the men over the head with the shotgun as you kicked one of the other one’s knee in. Without thinking, you grabbed the knife that was still painfully lodged in your thigh and pulled it out-- causing a sharp roar of pain to leave your lips. And with a menacing stare, you used that very same knife to slash the third man's throat.

In a flash of motions you turned to the next man and shoved the knife into his throat, causing him to stumble back with fearful eyes before dropping dead.

That left the last one that you practically bitch-slapped with the gun. He stared at you with wide, rage filled eyes before he grabbed you by your neck, throwing you into the table next to you. Your now open wound on your thigh got caught on a nail on the way, only tearing it open further. A cry of pure pain left your lips at the act, but you recovered quickly, turning to the man with a evil glare.

You let out a yell as you tackled him to the floor, letting all of your anger out as you brutally laid punch after punch to his face until he was unrecognizable. You let out another broken cry as you left one last hit to his bloodied face.

Ragged breaths left your lips as came back down to reality, shakily standing up. Your knuckles were bruised and cracked, and you knew it would hurt like a bitch later, but as of now, you really didn't care. It would all be worth it in the end. So, without another thought you grabbed your machete and the shotgun and headed out the room.

There was only one room left. It was at the very end of the hallway, and you silently prayed Frank was in there. At this point, after all the people you had just killed and fought— you were fucking tired, and quite frankly; fed the fuck up.

You cocked the gun with nothing in your brain other than bloodlust and kicked open the door harshly. “Where the fuck is he?!” You bellowed as you stormed in, gun raised. You had tunnel vision, seeing nothing over than the targets before you.

8 or 9 men were scattered around the room, and before you knew it bullets were flying everywhere. With wide eyes you dove down for cover behind a fallen table, and on the way down you were grazed by several bullets. Your hand flew up to the blood you felt trickling down your ribs, a low groan leaving your lips. You fought tears of pain as you pulled yourself together, reminding yourself of the goal: Get to Frank.

“Come out, now!” One of them yelled, and it only fueled your anger further.

“Fine.” You growled, standing up and shooting the first two men in front of you. Standing up, you ran to the side of the wall where their bullets couldn’t hit you. You let out a small laugh to yourself— you had to admit, you kind of missed this.

The chaos of it all.

You were raised in the chaos of this— you were brought up in the Red Room, killing people all around the globe. Yelena Belova, one of your fellow past widows, had broken you out some time ago and you tried to give the life up, but it seemed it was in your DNA.

Who were you to fight that?

You shook the thought away just as quickly as it arrived— you had more pressing issues right now.

You pulled the pistol out of your boot, peaking around the corner and picking off 3 men, leaving now 4.

“You fuckin’ crazy bitch!” One of them roared, running at you with a dagger.

“Fuck off!” You screamed back, blocking his attempted strike by grabbing his wrist and twisting his arm, the man now yelling out in pain. He dropped the dagger that was clutched in his hand, while you caught with your free hand, not hesitating to plunge it into his heart.

“Y/N?!” You heard that familiar voice yell, causing you freeze. His call made a soft smile spread across your features, but at the same time ignited that dedication to get to him now.

You grabbed Frank’s shotgun, cocking it and getting your pistol in your other hand. And with a devilish glare, you turned the corner and proceeded to pick off the rest of the men that remained.

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding when you realized they were all dead. Turning on your heel, you ran to room in the back that was connected to the room you had been in, throwing open the door urgently.

“Frank,” You practically whispered. He was bound a chair by chains, his face bruised and bloodied.

“Holy shit.” He murmured, taking in your current state. You didn’t know what you looked like, but you were sure it was nothing short of horrific. You were covered head to toe in a mixture of your own blood and your victim's, wounds and bruises littering your entire body. "Christ, woman, what the fuck happened out there?" He asked with a worried tone.

You aimed your pistol at his chains. “Don’t move.” You spoke gently, yet firm. He nodded, giving you the okay to take the shot. Once you did, he was up and bringing you into his arms almost immediately.

The weapons in your hands clattered to the ground in an instant as you let yourself melt in his arms. You were exhausted. Due to your search for Frank and also just your pure anxiety in being away from him, you had barely slept in the past couple days. That definitely came back to bite you in the ass, and on top of it all, you were in a lot of pain. The kisses Frank was leaving to the side of your head made you feel a lot better, though.

You pulled back just a bit to cup his jaw, your eyes scanning his injuries. “Are you okay?”

He let out a dry chuckle before turning his hand slightly to leave a kiss to your palm. “Baby, you are in no position to be askin’ me that right now.” His hands came up to cradle to your face, and you nestled your face into his palm. "Are you okay?"

You managed to give him a smile. “I'm better now.” You let out a shaky breath. Now that you had found Frank, the pain really began to set in. You wouldn’t let yourself feel all of the pain until you knew you were safe— and you now knew that Frank had you. “They’re all dead.” You told him. "I killed them all."

“Damn,” He licked his lips, staring down at you. “And here I was thinkin’ no one was comin’ for me.”

“You should know by now I’ll always come for you.” You expressed, leaning up to connect your lips. You didn’t care if you were covered in blood, or that Frank had been tied to a chair for 2 days— you missed him.

You loved him. And you would set the world on fire for him.

Once you two pulled apart, he stared into your eyes. “I fuckin’ love you.”

You giggled softly, gazing up at him lovingly. “I love you, Frank.”

#anon asks #the punisher #netflix punisher #marvel punisher #punisher #frank castle fluff #frank castle angst #frank castle x reader #frank castle #marvel #mcu #anon answered #fem!reader #widow!reader

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millermouth · 4 months ago

Note

[that anon] Hey! Can I request a Joel fic about a rather personal topic? I have a few scars on my right cheek due to an accident a few years ago. They're rather small, about two inches each and were deep enough to need stitches. Right now they're much better and almost unnoticeable, there's even a tiny one right in the corner of my mouth that I find it cute now lol. But back when they were "fresh" and the year after that I was really self conscious about them. Can you write something where reader and Joel are together and reader gets hurt (in patrol maybe?) and ends up with scars like that. She gets self conscious and starts pushing Joel away because she thinks that Joel will think she's ugly now but he reassures her and tells her she's beautiful no matter what 🥹❤️ (yes, 100% self indulgent) thank you ❤️❤️

Joel Miller x Reader drabble

fluffy Joel Miller, emotionally detached angsty reader hi angel thank you so much for sharing this with me! I hope I did you proud, love you sm

The gashes on your cheek are deep. You don’t need a mirror to know it. The cold sting of antiseptic bites into your skin as Maria dabs at the wounds, her mouth set in that tight, no-nonsense line.

"You’ll be fine," she says, threading the needle. "Might scar a little, though."

You already know. And you already hate it.

The stitches pull at your skin as the days pass, each glance in the mirror making you nauseous. The first time you see the raw, pink lines stretching across your cheek, you swallow around a lump in your throat.

Joel notices the shift almost immediately. You pull away when he reaches for you, turn your head when he tries to kiss you, making sure he only ever kisses the unscarred half of your face. You find excuses to keep your distance, brushing him off with short answers and avoiding his eyes.

But Joel Miller is a patient man. A stubborn man. And more than that, he’s yours.

You don’t hear him come that evening, too lost in your thoughts as you stand by the window, arms wrapped around yourself.

"Y’ain’t foolin’ me, y’know," he says.

You stiffen, "Don’t know what you’re talking about."

Joel exhales, slow and measured. He takes his time crossing the room, stepping into your space but not crowding you, giving you the chance to move away. But you don't. Instead, you turn around with a sigh, still not looking at him entirely. He smells of sweat and musk and pine, something so Joel, it's more like home than anything else.

His calloused fingers graze your jaw, light as a breath. "Let me see."

You hesitate, but Joel’s patience holds. When you finally tilt your face up, he studies you like he always has—like you hung the damn stars in the sky.

You expect his gaze to linger on the wounds, for a flicker of something to cross his face. Pity, regret. Disappointment.

But there’s none of that.

Joel’s thumb ghosts over your cheek, not quite touching the healing wounds but close enough that warmth seeps into your skin.

"You’re so beautiful, y’know that?"

Your throat tightens. "Joel—"

"Ain’t gonna let you push me away over somethin’ like this." His voice is quiet but firm, "You think I give a damn about some scars?"

"You should."

He shakes his head, exasperated but soft. "Darlin’, I got more scars than I can count. Hell, I don’t even remember where some of ‘em came from. But I remember you. And I’ll be damned if I let you think somethin’ like this changes a thing between us."

Your chest feels tight, your defenses crumbling under the steady weight of his words.

Joel leans in, pressing a kiss just beside one of them, then another. His lips brush over the tiny one near the corner of your mouth, lingering.

You close your eyes, exhaling shakily.

"Still you," he murmurs. "Always you."

And just like that, the walls fall.

#ask daryltwdixon #joel miller requests #tlou #Joel Miller x you #Joel Miller x reader #Joel Miller fluff #the last of us #Joel Miller fanfic #Joel Miller one shot #Joel Miller fic #joel miller #tlou joel #joel tlou #joel the last of us #tlou fanfic

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greynatomy · 2 years ago

Text

bigger than the whole sky

alessia russo x reader

based on this request.

been writing this for a while. my longest fic yet. i cried so much writing it.

thank you anon for the request, one of my favorites.

i also just reached 1k followers! thank you all for following and reading everything i’ve put out. i started writing for female celebrities then got into woso. i never knew people would read what i would put out, but i was wrong. i appreciate every single one of you who like, reblog, follow, or just read.

again, thank you! enjoy this angst!

———

In her twenty-four years on this earth, Alessia Russo can count every single event, party, or celebration she’s been to. Whether that be a birthday party, after party, or a simple get together. But the event she’s at right now is not something she ever saw herself attending for a very long time.

———

Walking to the field in her first day of practice at UNC. She didn’t know anyone and was a little shy, but you were the first person to introduce yourself to her.

During both of your time at UNC, you were inseparable. No one would see one of you without the other, so it was not shock at all when you got together a year after meeting.

~~~

“Hey! Alessia!” You get her attention, catching up to her.

“Hey, Y/n.”

“Uh, I was wondering if you’d like to go on a date with me tonight? Only if you’re up for it and aren’t busy.”

Alessia’s smile could not get any bigger.

“I would love to.” She kisses your cheek, walking away. “Text me the details.”

You stand frozen in your spot. You hand coming up to your face, fingers brushing where her lips touched.

A few hours later, you were standing outside of Alessia’s front door, flowers in hand. You go to raise your hand to knock, but it opens before you have a chance to.

“Woah.” You we’re speechless. Alessia was wearing a black dress, with a slit at the right leg and red bottom heels. You were in a simple black dress pants, white dress shirt with a couple buttons undone and dress shoes. “You look breathtaking.”

“Thank you.” She gives you her million dollar smile. “And you look very attractive.”

“Ready to go?”

“Yup. Let me just lock up.”

Opening the passenger door for her, she gets in, giving you a kiss on the cheek before you close it. You run to the driver side and get in. You put the car in drive and go on your way to your destination.

Alessia notices your fingers fiddling with the gear shift so she becomes very bold and grabs your hand to intertwine them, settling them in her lap.

The date went along perfectly. You talked about anything and everything, catching up on things that happened recently. Driving back home in a comfortable silence, smiles on both your faces.

You walk her to her front door, saying how you had a great time hoping to go on a second date and more after that, her agreeing. After a couple seconds of silence, you feel very confident and place your hands gently on her cheeks.

“May I?” You ask.

Alessia just nods, bringing her face closer to yours and closes the gap, lips molding together in a quick but passionate kiss. Pulling away she bites her bottom lip.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” She kisses your cheek, hurrying into her door.

“Yeah. Tomorrow.” In a trance, you slowly walk back to your car with the biggest smile on your face, doing a happy dance not aware that Alessia was watching you through the window, laughing.

———

Walking around the living room, she can’t help but tear up. All the memories you made coming back to her. All that you accomplished together. She was glad to be able to play with you and start on your professional football careers together on the same team for Manchester United.

~~~

“I thought lesbians were supposed to be good at building and stuff.”

You and Alessia are in the process of moving into your new apartment in Manchester after being signed by United together.

“That’s very stereotypical of you Less.”

“I’m just saying.” She shrugs, biting back a smile.

“Would you like to help me then?”

“Nah. I think you’ve got it all figured out.”

~~~

“You’ll do great.”

“Same with you.”

~~~

“Making their debut today, Y/N Y/LN and Alessia Russo, an unstoppable duo from the University of North Carolina, subs into the game.”

~~~

“Another goal for Alessia Russo from the assist from Y/N Y/LN. The duo showing us exactly what they’re made of!”

~~~

Years later, you’ve both just signed a deal with Arsenal. The club not wanting to separate the dynamic duo the two of you became known for.

———

She makes it up to your shared bedroom, not having been since that day, opting to sleep in the guest room. Taking a deep breath, she twists the door knob, opening the door.

Everything was how it was left two weeks ago. Nothing being changed. Eyes scan the room, landing on your bedside table. A picture sat on top, one of Alessia’s favorites. Hands trembling, she delicately picks it up, thumb running over your face.

———

Walking along the water, footprints remain behind them on the sand. Hands intertwined, occasionally swinging between the two.

“You ready for tomorrow?” You ask softly, not wanting to disrupt the calm atmosphere.

“Nervous, but it’s the world cup final.”

“That’s to be expected then.”

“Come here. I wanna take a picture.”

Holding her arm out, phone in hand, you place your head next to hers into frame. She turns her head, placing a kiss on your cheek.

Later that night, she goes through the photos as you slept. Seeing as they were live photos, she watches them. She didn’t notice at the time, but after kissing your cheek, you look at her with the look all her friends told her about.

Like she hung all the stars in the sky.

———

Alessia felt numb. All of the emotions she could feel are bottled up inside her. She thought of the last moment she spent with you, still not able to wrap her head around it all.

———

You and Alessia make you way to the garage. You open the driver side door for her, letting her get in. You close the door, she rolls the window down. You lean down, resting your arms on the door, head sticking in the car.

“Now, you be careful getting to training. It’s our first one with the team.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“I’ll meet you there.”

“See you soon.”

She leans up giving you a kiss. When she pulls away, you hold the back of her head to pull her back in, kissing her a bit longer.

“Be careful. I love you.”

“I love you more. See you in a bit.”

She watched you put your helmet on, swinging a leg over your motorcycle, driving off, giving her a little wave.

Alessia arrives to training first, waiting for you at the car park. When you didn’t arrive in a couple minutes, she went ahead inside.

“Hey! Where’s your missus?”

———

The door opening snaps Alessia out of her trance. Looking up, she sees her parents and your mom. She wipes her tears hastily, sniffling a bit.

“Hey, sweetheart.”

“Hi, Mum.”

The three parents look at each other, not knowing how to start. Alessia’s dad eventually sit next to her daughter on the bed.

“We need to tell you something.”

———

You knock on the front door, it quickly opening to reveal Alessia’s mom, Carol.

“Y/N! What a lovely surprise!”

“Hi, Carol.” You greet, returning her embrace. “Is Mario home? I need to talk to the both of you.”

She leads you through the house to where her husband was sitting on the couch.

“Hey, kid.”

“Sup, pops.”

“Y/N said she needs to talk to us.”

“Oh? What about?”

Taking a seat in between the married couple, you reach into your pants pocket, pulling out a small velvet box. You hear a gasp that came from Carol.

“Oh, honey.”

“I-I just wanted to let you know that I’m ready, been ready, to take the next step into my relationship with your daughter. Alessia is… she’s the love of my life and I hope you’d give me your blessing to do so.”

A strong hand finds itself on your shoulder, pulling you close.

“Kid. You’ve had our blessing since the day we met you.”

“There’s no one better for our Alessia than you.”

———

Your mom holds out her hand, a small velvet box sitting in it.

“She told me to hold onto it.”

Alessia let out a quiet sob, sliding off the bed, kneeling over onto the floor. Her mom follows, wrapping her arms around her daughter.

“She loved you so much.”

———

“Is this Alessia Russo?”

Alessia got a call minutes after walking into the locker room. An unknown number.

“This is she.”

“You are the emergency contact for Y/N Y/LN. How fast can you get to London Medical?”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Alessia’s heart is racing, the unknowing of why she would be called as your emergency contact. She packs her things as quickly as possible, hands shaking.

“Woah. Where are you going? You just got here.” Katie questioned, seeing her stuffing her training bag.

“Uh, Y-Y/LN hos-hospital.” She stutters.

Katie realized how serious the situation is, grabbing her things for her.

“C’mon. I’ll drive. Which hospital?”

“Lon-London Med-Medical.”

“Okay. Get in the car.”

The two run towards Alessia’s car, giving her keys to Katie. After a twenty minute drive, they get to the hospital. Running to the emergency room, she goes straight to the nurse’s area.

“Y/N Y/LN. My-my girlfriend. I got a call.”

“Alessia Russo?” She nods. “I’m Kerry. I called you. If you can sit in the waiting room, I’ll have a doctor come out and talk to you.”

Not even a minute later, a man dressed in scrubs walk up to the two footballers.

“Hi, I’m Doctor Hill. This is Officer Randall. You’re here for Y/N YLN?”

“Yeah. What happened.”

“We got a call for a crash. Witnesses say it was head on. Driver was drunk and is in our custody.” The officer answers.

“What about my girlfriend? What’s wrong with her?”

“She’s in surgery right now, we’re trying to repair her broken leg, ribs, arm, but what we’re most worried about is her head. She was wearing a helmet, which is good, but with how the driver hit her, we’re unsure how she’d heal. We’ll let you know more when we’re done. Now if you’d excuse me.” With that, the doctor heads back through the double doors.

———

“Earlier this month, Arsenal signed women football’s dynamic duo, Alessia Russo and Y/N Y/LN. We’ve seen what they’ve done at the University of North Carolina, Manchester United and we’ve been excited to see what they could bring here at Emirates Stadium.

Two weeks ago, Y/LN was struck by a drunk driver and unfortunately passed away. Let’s all take a moment of silence.”

Alessia is trying hard not to break down in front of everyone. She’s done that plenty enough.

“To the families of Y/N, we are with you. Alessia Russo, we stand by you. Y/N Y/LN. You are loved. You are missed. Rest easy.”

———

It’s been four days since the accident. There’s been no change in your overall health and brain activity. Doctors have told Alessia that there’s a low chance of you ever waking up.

“Ms. Russo.” Doctor Hill knocks on the door. “I need to talk to you.”

“Yeah?”

“We’ve gone through her file and you make all of Y/N’s medical decisions now. When we need to do something, you’re the one to make the decision.”

“What about her mom? I thought that only if you’re married, you’re the next in line or something?”

“She listed you as her power of attorney. She trusts that you make the choice for her. Ones that she can’t.”

“What do I do now? Is there still a chance for her?”

The look on the doctor’s face says otherwise.

~~~

After talking to your mom, her parents, she’s now back in your hospital room. She never thought she’d see you like this, lifeless on a bed, wrapped in bandages, wires poking and prodding all over.

“Hey, baby.” She sniffles. “Um. It’s been a few days since you’ve been here. Uh, it’s really all up to you now.” She grabs your hand, mindful of the wires and needles. “If-uh-if you feel like you can’t go on, I pro-I promise you that I’ll be fine. I can look after your mum.”

Alessia gets up from her seat, walking to the corner, bottom lip trembling, holding in a cry. Holding herself together, she goes back to where you lay.

“I don’t want you to fight for me anymore, to-to suffer and longer. If…if you need to let go, you can. Just know that I love you. As much as I want you to wake up, and see what we could’ve been, what should’ve been, I-I let you go.”

She watches your chest rise up and down, the movement slowing down. The beeping from the monitor slows, ending in a long beep. Flatline.

You were gone.

Nurses rush into the room to try and revive you, but Alessia waves them off, not wanting you to go through anymore difficulty. She let you pass peacefully.

———

“A hat trick for Alessia Russo on her Arsenal debut! What a player!”

Alessia couldn’t hold it in anymore. She collapses onto the ground, tears streaming down her cheeks. Her teammates surround her, Lotte gets to her first, embracing her in a tight hug. Lotte had become your best friend at UNC, so it was difficult for her too.

With Arsenal winning the game, Lotte and Alessia were asked to do a postgame interview.

“We’re now here with Alessia Russo and Lotte Wubben-Moy. What an amazing performance from the both of you. Alessia a hat trick and Lotte who assisted them all. What was going through your head?”

“Uh, well, it’s the first game of the season and there was supposed to be one more here from the UNC squad, but unfortunately she isn’t. I played for her. Y/N is-was my best friend.”

“Alessia?”

“Uh, yeah. We all started our football journey together back at UNC and supposed to be back together again, the three of us, so I just played for her. She always believed in me and was by my side, following to all the way to Manchester and now to London. So I-uh-the whole team really just played for Y/N.”

———

Walking down the path, flowers in hand, Alessia stops in front of headstone. She takes the old flowers out of the built in pot and replaces them with the new.

She takes a blanket out of her bag and lays it out in front, sitting on it. She reads the stone, for what felt like a hundred times.

Y/N Y/LN

Daughter • Footballer • Wife

you are bigger than the whole sky

Even though the two of you never got married, your mom and Alessia decided to call you a ‘wife’. It just wasn’t official on paper, but it would’ve happened anyway. She now wears the ring you never got to give her on a chain hung around her neck, to keep you close to her heart.

“Hey, baby. Uh, played my first game as a Gunner. Scored a hat trick just for you. Pretty sure you were watching down on me, helping me get those goals in.” She wipes a fallen tear. “Wished you would’ve been down at the pitch with me, but, uh, yeah. I don't know what else to say. You’re usually saying something back. I’ll see you again soon.” She kisses her fingers and placing them overtop of your name. “Ti amo amore mio.”

At twenty-four, she didn’t think she’d have to say goodbye, but here she was, walking out of the cemetery, leaving you behind.

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