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im-just-trying-to-get-bi · 3 years ago

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Hello, everybody. Thanks for comin’. I am the Lorax. I speak for the trees. And I’d like to say a few words, if you please. Regarding the story that you’re about to see it actually happened. Just take it from me. But there’s more to this story than what’s on the page, so please pay attention while I set the stage. We open in Thneedville, a city they say that was plastic and fake, and they liked it that way! A town without nature, not one living tree. So, what happened to them? Cue the music! Let’s see. Buzz. Buzz. ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ it’s a brand new dawn ♪ ♪ With brand new cars ♪ ♪ and houses and lawns ♪ ♪ Here in ♪ ♪ Got-all-that-we-need-ville ♪ ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ we manufacture our trees ♪ ♪ Each one is made in factories ♪ ♪ And uses 96 batteries ♪ ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ the air’s not so clean ♪ ♪ So we buy it fresh ♪ ♪ It comes out this machine! ♪ ♪ In Satisfaction’s-♪ ♪ guaranteed-ville ♪ ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ we don’t want to know ♪ ♪ Where the smog and trash ♪ ♪ and chemicals go ♪ ♪ I just went swimming, ♪ ♪ and now I glow ♪ ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ we have fun year round ♪ ♪ We surf and snowboard ♪ ♪ right in town ♪ ♪ We thank the Lord ♪ ♪ for all we’ve got ♪ ♪ Including this ♪ ♪ brand new parking lot! ♪ ♪ Parking lot! ♪ ♪ Oh, look, it’s Aloysius O’Hare ♪ ♪ Aloysius O’Hare ♪ ♪ The man who found ♪ ♪ a way to sell air ♪ ♪ And became a zillionaire ♪ ♪ Hip-hip-hooray! ♪ ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ we love living this way ♪ ♪ It’s like living in paradise ♪ ♪ It’s perfect! ♪ ♪ And that’s how it will stay ♪ ♪ Oh, yeah! ♪ ♪ Here in ♪ ♪ Love-the-life-we-lead-ville ♪ ♪ Destined-to-succeed-ville ♪ ♪ We-are-all-agreed-ville ♪ ♪ We love it here in… ♪ ♪ Thneedville! ♪ Yes! Oh, hi, Ted. Oh, hey, Audrey. Hi. Did your ball land in my backyard again? What? No. A model airplane, this time. Hey, do you want to see something cool? Come on. Whoa! Did you… Did you paint this? Do you like it? What? Are you kidding? This is amazing! What are those? Those are trees. Real ones. They used to grow all around here. And people said that the touch of their tufts was softer than anything, even silk. And they smelled like butterfly milk! Wow! What does that even mean? I know, right? Oh, yeah. What I want more than anything in the whole world is to see a real living tree growing in my backyard. So if, say… I’m just thinking out loud here. If a guy somehow got you one… I’d probably marry him on the spot. I bet that sounds crazy. Does that sound crazy? No! Not crazy. Not crazy at all. * * * Ted, honey, don’t play with your food. You, either, Mom. So, Mom, do you happen to know if there’s any place where I could get a real tree? Ted, we already have a tree. It’s the latest model. Yeah, but I mean a real one that grows out of the ground or whatever. You know, a real tree. Really? You would rather have some dirty, messy lump of wood that just sticks out of the ground? And it does what? I don’t even know what it does. What’s its purpose? Look at what we’ve got. It’s the Oak-amatic. The only tree with its own remote. Summer, autumn, winter, and disco! Mom? Come on, Ted. Get into it. Dance with the tree. Oh, it hurts, Mom. Please stop. So, anyway… Let’s just say I need a tree. Where would I go? What do I do? Then you know what? You need to find the Once-ler. The What? Mom, it’s not really the time for one of your magical fables, okay? That’s right, I forgot. I’m old and can’t even remember to put my teeth in. Stand down. That’s not what I meant. No, really, I forgot my teeth. Would you be a dear and go get them for me? Sure, Mom. Okay, here’s the deal. The Once-ler is the man who knows what happened to the trees. You want one, you need to find him. The Once-ler? Mmm-hmm. Okay. Grammy, is this a real thing that we’re talking about now? Oh, he’s real all right. Well, where can I find him? Far outside of town where the grass never grows and the wind smells slow and sour when it blows. And no birds ever sing, excepting old crows. Quit doing that. That’s the place where the Once-ler lives. Wait, outside of town? People used to say if you brought him 15 cents, a

nail and the shell of a great, great, great grandfather snail, he would tell you everything. * * * Hmm. Mr. O’Hare, what we’ve got for you is something that is going to take O’Hare Air to the next level. Now, Mr. O’Hare, I know what you’re thinking. One, “I’ve gotten rich selling people air that’s” “fresher than the stinky stuff outside.” Two, and here is the important one, “How can I possibly make even more money?” We can tell you, sir! We can tell you. Check out this commercial, huh? Well, here goes another lame Saturday. Dude, I don’t think so! Huh! Hey! Man! Oh, yeah! What! Yeah! O’Hare purified air. Freshness to go. Please breathe responsibly. Ah? Oh, my goodness. Yeah! Love it. You got to be kidding me. You really think people are stupid enough to buy this? Our research shows that if you put something in a plastic bottle, people will buy it. Exactly. And… And what’s more, when we build a new factory to make the plastic bottles, the air quality is just going to get worse. Which will make people want our air even more, and drive sales where? Through the roof! So, in other words, the more smog in the sky, the more people will buy. See, that’s why he’s the genius! It even rhymes! I’m aware it rhymes. Coats. Big. What do you two knuckleheads want? I’m in the middle of a meeting! What? Why is he leaving town? No one ever leaves town! See what he’s up to. * * * Whoa! Huh? Whoa! Whoa. Oh, man. Whoa! All right. Okay. What the… Whoa! Who are you? Who are you and what are you doing here? I’m Ted. I’m Ted. I can’t breathe. Are you the Once-ler? Oh, man. Didn’t you read the signs? No one is supposed to come here. Get out of here and leave me alone! And don’t let the boot hit you on the way out. The boot? Hello! Ow! Listen! People say that if someone brings you this stuff that you will tell them about trees. No, no, no! Trees? Yeah, real ones. You know, that grow out of the ground? Hello? Sorry, it’s just… Well, I didn’t think anyone still cared about trees. Well, that’s me. The guy who still cares. I’m here. Hey! What? Do you want to know about trees? About what happened to them? Why they’re all gone? It’s because of me. Wait, what? It’s because of me! And my invention, the Thneed. It was an amazing product that could do the job of a thousand. All right. Sounds ridiculous, but I mean, that’s cool. You’re darn right it was cool! It all started a long time ago. Can we start not so long ago, maybe? Do you want a tree? Yes, yes. Then it all started a long, long time ago. I was a young man leaving home… Well, here I go, Mom. Off to change the world with my Thneed. I’m actually doing it! Yes, but just remember, Oncie, if somehow your invention ends up a failure instead of a success, oh, it wouldn’t surprise me at all! Nice wheels. Burn! Ow! Yeah, “Burn!” But you will see, okay? I’m going to prove you all wrong. Come on, Melvin! So, there I was at the very bottom. With nothing but a wagon, a mule, and a completely irrational sense of optimism. I was searching the globe, obsessed with finding the perfect material for my Thneed. But I’d had absolutely no success. Until one day, I found paradise… Oh! We’re going to be there soon, I’m sure. Whoa! This is the most beautiful place, okay, I have ever seen. Oh. Ta-da! Whoa! Yeah. ♪ This is it ♪ ♪ This is the place ♪ ♪ These Truffula trees ♪ ♪ are just what I need ♪ ♪ Gonna chop one down ♪ ♪ and make my Thneed ♪ ♪ But first… ♪ ♪ Na! Na! Nanana Na! ♪ ♪ Na Na Nana Nanana Na Na… ♪ ♪ Now you! ♪ ♪ That’s great! ♪ ♪ So now our ♪ ♪ friendship can begin ♪ ♪ Hand in hand, ♪ ♪ and wing and fin ♪ ♪ There’s nothing ♪ ♪ you and I can’t do ♪ ♪ So let’s all make ♪ ♪ my dreams come true ♪ Hey, guys! Come on, where is my back-up chorus? What? Ah-ha! Oh. Ooh! Hey, hey, wait. Wait a minute. Excuse me? Yeah, that’s awesome. Feeding junk food to forest animals? That’s great. But, uh, is there a musical number where you show me how to get a tree? Because I would love to hear that one. Oh, yes. Right after the musical number about the kid who kept interrupting the story, and was never heard from again. Right, got

it. Proceed. All right, here we go. About to make a Thneed, about to change the world. Check it out, guys… Where did everybody go? Little did I know that by chopping down that tree I had just summoned a mystical creature as old as time itself. The legendary, slightly annoying guardian of the forest. The Lorax. Hey! Whoo! Did you chop down this tree? Uh… No. Who did it? What’s that? I think he did it. Leave! Vacate the premises! Take your ax and get out! And who are you? I’m the Lorax! Guardian of the forest. I speak for the trees. So you’re telling me, you just didn’t see me magically appear out of that stump? With all the lightning and thunder and stuff. You didn’t see any of that? No, but that sounds amazing. Can I see some of that? Uh, yeah, I could show you. But that’s not how it works. Okay. Um… Didn’t really happen. Oh, I know what you want! I’ve got one of these for the cutest little guy I ever saw! Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy… How dare you! Give me that! Mmm. I’m going to eat this, but I am highly offended by it. What are you… Hey, Mustache! Will you stop that? What’s your deal, man? Pull them right out Time for you to go, Beanpole! Just going to put them right back in. We can do this all day. Stop right there! Stop it! So you would hammer one of nature’s innocent creatures? What? No! I would never hit this little guy. You, on the other hand, I would gladly pound you and your mustache into the ground! Behold! The intruder and his violent ways. Shame on you. For shame! All right, you know what? That’s it! You listen to me, you furry meatloaf. I’m going to chop down as many trees as I need. Okay? Newsflash! Not going anywhere! End of story. Then you leave me no choice. If you’re not gone by the time the sun sets on this valley, all the forces of nature will be unleashed upon you and curse you until the end of your days! You have been warned. Thanks. Yeah, okay. You have been warned. But I didn’t listen to his warning. And you won’t believe what happened that night. What? If you want to hear more, come back tomorrow. Hey, wait, wait! Tomorrow? Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho. Are you serious right now? Ah! You live in the middle of nowhere! It stinks out here. Don’t make me come back! I guess you don’t really want to hear the rest of the story. No, no. I do. I really do. I want to hear the story. I just… Nah! You don’t have what it takes. Goodbye. Wait, wait! I have what it takes. It’s all right. It’s okay, I’ll come back. It’s no problem. See, here I am, leaving. Walking away now. I’ll see you tomorrow. Mmm. Maybe. Just maybe. * * * What did you wish for, Audrey? Well, I would love to tell you, but, sadly, according to the universal wish laws, I cannot I know what she wished for. Was it, perhaps… This? Ted, you didn’t. Oh, no. I totally did. Happy birthday, Audrey. Kiss him! Kiss him! Ted. Ted. Tedster. Huh! You’re kissing the cereal again, hon. What? I just… I like this cereal. What one is this? Yeah! Okay. Well, I’ll make sure to buy extra next time for you. All right, cool. Hey, I got to run. I got to go do a thing. So, I’ll see you guys. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You’re not going anywhere, young man. It’s Sunday. You know what that means? Family time, and we’re all playing board games! But… Hmm. Mmm? Oh, man. Mom, seriously, every turn? Hey, back off! Ooh! No. Okay! Family time is over. It is now personal time. I’ll be in my room. Okay, dear. Have fun. I knew I could break her. Go. Huh? Go see him! Oh, yeah! You rule! Thank you, Grammy. * * * Whoa! Hey! Ted, right? Um, Mr. O’Hare? So, I hear you have become interested in trees. What’s that all about? Oh. Um… Where did you hear that? Oh. Teddy, there’s not much that goes on in Thneedville that I don’t know about. Here’s the deal, I make a living selling fresh air to people. Trees? They make it for free. So, when I hear people talking about them, I consider it kind of a threat to my business. I don’t even know what you’re talking about. You listen to me, boy. Don’t go poking around in things you don’t understand or I’ll be your worst nightmare. I’m Frankenstein’s head on a

spider’s body! Yeah, um… Okay, my mom is expecting me. So, I’m just going to… Of course, of course. Now, go back to your family game time. Grandma just finished her turn. How did you know? Please. I have eyes everywhere. Huh! You got a beautiful town here, Ted. Lots of fun stuff to occupy your short attention span. Why, I can’t think of any reason you would ever want to go outside of town again. Even. Okay! Good talk. Really good talk. Oh, no. Look out! Hey, man? You know, you need to change that door bell. Oh, you missed me. What? You’re already back. Clearly, you missed me a little. Right? No, I didn’t. I’m just here to hear the end of the story. Why are you so interested in trees anyway? Why aren’t you like other kids, break dancing and wearing bell-bottoms, and playing the Donkey Kongs? Yeah, right, right. I don’t know. Uh, I just thought it would be kind of cool to have one, you know? Huh? It’s a girl, isn’t it? What? No! Really? Because when a guy does something stupid once, well, that’s because he’s a guy. But if he does the same stupid thing twice, it’s usually to impress some girl. Hey, she is not some girl! She’s a woman, in high school. And she loves trees. And I’m going to get her one. Aw! How nice to see someone so undeterred by things like reality. Thank you. All right, but where did we leave off? * * * Now that’s a Thneed. Nothing unmanly about knitting. No, sir. Look at that… Oh! Who taught you guys how to steal a bed? Shh! Okay, nice and easy. Nice work, you guys. Couldn’t have done it without you. You got to be kidding me. Can he swim? Of course he can’t swim! Hang on, Pipsqueak! I’m coming to get you! Hey, you fishies! Stop that bed! Whoo! Whoo! Jump, jump! Come on, get up there. Come on. Go, go! A little bit more! A little bit more! Now what? Mmm-mmm. Get up there. Okay, Pipsqueak, give me your hand. Come on, reach out for the Lorax. Where did you go? Bar-ba-loots. Oh, that’s bad. Hey, Beanpole, wake up! What’s happening? Where am I? Hey! We got trouble, and it’s coming up fast! Whoo! We’re in a river! Whew! Oh, no. Just do something! Help is on the way! No, no! Just a minute! Oh, no! Wake up! Wake up! Yuck! Clear! Ah! I was heading into the light, and you pulled me right back and here I am! You saved my life! Yeah, I know. Well, no, it’s not that big a deal. It is a big deal! Look, I almost went over that waterfall! Wait… On my bed. How did my bed get in the river? Uh… About that… Actually… I put your bed in the water. I didn’t mean you any harm. I just wanted to calmly float you away. Look, everyone here needs the trees and you’re chopping them down! So, we’ve got a big problem. All right, look. I hereby swear that I will never chop down another tree. I promise. Thank you. But I’m going to keep my eye on you. Good. Now, I’ve got a big day tomorrow so I’m going to get some sleep. Right after I find my bed. * * * Ow! Okay, what are you… Question, what are they doing here? And follow up, if I may, what are you doing here? Well, after the incident last night, we found one of your socks and came here to return it. But when we got here, you were asleep. What? Ew! Exactly. And sleeping is the body’s way of telling other people to go away. I know, but you looked so cozy. And it was cold outside, and we just fell asleep. No harm done. “No harm done”? “No harm done”? Okay. Okay, I put my lips on those. Well, I used to, anyway. Ew. Did you just… In my bowl! Why do you have one of these? You don’t even have a mustache. Okay, that’s it! What? I thought we made a deal last night. Yes, we did. And I said I wouldn’t chop down any more trees. And I said I was going to keep an eye on you. I’m starving. What’s for breakfast? Breakfast is overrated. You know what? I got work to do. Yeah. I got to go into town and sell my Thneed. You chopped down one of my trees to make that piece of garbage? Look at that… “Garbage”? Oh, no. Oh, no! You do not get it. This is a revolutionary product that will change the world as we know it. It has a million uses! Look at this. It’s a swimsuit! Mud tracked all over your floor by

uninvited guests? Well, the Thneed sure comes in handy for that! But wait, there’s more! Thanks to its all-natural microfibers, the Thneed is super-absorbent! It also works as a hat. Of course, you probably want to wring it out first. Go ahead, knock yourself out. But nobody is going to buy that thing. Good to know. Well, fortunately, you are not the target market, weirdo. You’re bringing a guitar? Oh, yeah. I got a little jingle. I’m gonna blow some minds, gonna sell some Thneeds! Yeah. ♪ Everybody needs a Thneed ♪ ♪ A fine thing that all people… ♪ Sit down, go on. Unfortunately, I didn’t sell it the first day. ♪ The Thneed is good ♪ ♪ The Thneed is great… ♪ Hey! Or the second day. Hey! Or the third, or fourth, or fifth day. Okay, that one hit the tender spot. Until finally… That’s it! You know what? I’m done with this thing. Aw. My family was right. I quit! Hey. Cool hat. Oh, my gosh! I totally want one. That thing makes me like you more. Hey! Where’s your Thneed, did you sell it? Hey. No, no. Didn’t sell it. Turns out, it’s ahead of its time, I guess. Hey, you gave it your best shot. Right? What more can you do? Come on, take a seat, we’ll deal you in. What are we playing? I’m playing poker. He’s playing Go Fish. And I think he’s hungry. Ohhh. ♪ Pancake, the pancake ♪ Up! Who is up for ninths? Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Whoa! All right, pass them over. Yeah, see? What’s going on? Oh, no. That’s a lot of people. ♪ Everybody needs a Thneed ♪ ♪ A fine thing ♪ ♪ that all people need ♪ ♪ The Thneed is good ♪ ♪ The Thneed is great ♪ ♪ Let’s hope we’re not too late ♪ ♪ It’s a super trendy hat ♪ ♪ It’s a tightrope for an acrobat ♪ ♪ A net for catching butterflies ♪ ♪ A thing we use for exercise ♪ ♪ Everybody needs a Thneed ♪ ♪ A fine thing ♪ ♪ that all people need ♪ ♪ Everybody needs a Thneed ♪ Oh, yeah! We’re in business, baby! ♪ We need a Thneed ♪ Mom? Hey, it’s me! I told you I was going to be a success! You need to bring the whole family here right now. We’re going to be rich! What? I’m going to need all the help I can get. Don’t worry. * * * So, has he told you how to get a tree yet? Actually, no. But I think he’s going to get to that part really soon. Here we are. What? I’ll just be a minute. Oh, wow. Hey, Audrey! Oh, hi, Ted! What’s up? You know me, just cruising. Putting out the vibe. Just me and my thoughts. Oh, is this the girl you’re always talking about? Grandma! Stop making things up. She’s even prettier than… Okay, got to run! Bye. Okay, Grammy, let’s get you home! Yeah! Whoa! I’m so sorry. So sorry. Did not wanna see that. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho! Hey! Hey, I’m back. What have you got there? Yes! Whoa! Thank you, Ted. Now, picture this. Sun shining, a blue sky, a perfect day. It was all downhill from there. Whoa! What a dump. Hey, Aunt Grizelda! Hey, Chet, check this out! Go long! No, Brett, that’s actually not a… Okay. Go long! Go long! I got it! I got it! Got it! He totally ran into that tree! Ow! Oncie, is that you? Mom! There he is! There’s my big, suddenly successful son! We always knew you would make it, Oncie. Right? Hey! I love this guy! But you always said I wouldn’t amount to anything, remember? Hush your mouth. I was just trying to motivate you! I am really glad that you clarified that because it actually hurt my feelings for a really long time. Anyway, you’re all here, you all work for me, and that’s cool. So, let’s get to work. Brett, Chet, set up the RV! Would you stop throwing that bear? Time out. Back up. Stop. Don’t move an inch. Nobody’s moving in here. You got to go. Goodbye. So, who invited the giant, furry peanut? You calling me a peanut, huh? I’ll go right up your nose! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You wouldn’t hit a woman. That’s a woman? Okay. Everyone, cool it. Let’s not get off on the wrong foot here. Um, family, this is my friend… Acquaintance. Yeah, acquaintance. Very good acquaintance, the Lorax. He speaks for the trees. That’s right. And on behalf of the trees, get out! Will you just be nice! This is my family. And I’m going to need their help if my company is going to get bigger. Okay?

Bigger? Yeah, this isn’t some rinky-dink operation anymore. I got plans. Big plans! A vision of a world filled with Thneeds. It’s going to be huge! Which way does a tree fall? Uh, down? A tree falls the way it leans. Be careful which way you lean. * * * I mean, look at this. It’s amazing. I am so proud of me. Oncie, we’ve got us a little problem. Problem? Mmm-hmm. See, we’re not making Thneeds fast enough. Harvesting the tufts takes too long! Well, what else can we do? Well, and this just came to me, we could always start chopping down the trees. What? Now you’re thinking. That would speed things up! But… No “but” s, Oncie. You’re running a business now. You have to do what’s best for the company, and your momma. Well, I guess it couldn’t hurt to chop down a few trees. You’ve made me so proud, Oncie. Come here! Hey! I love this guy! No! No, no, no! Stop it! Please, stop. Take that, you stupid tree! Where do you think you’re going? Excuse me, sir. I need to talk with your boss. Oh, I’m sorry, but Mr. Once-ler’s not seeing anyone right now. Yeah, well, he’ll see me. So… Hey, keep your paws off me! Give me a reason, Shorty. Hey, you broke your promise. You’re better than this. You gotta stop! This is bad! Have a nice day! Bad? I’m not bad, I’m the good guy here. He just doesn’t get it. Do you think I’m bad? Thank you! I mean, something good finally happens to me, and he just has to come along and rain on my parade. What’s his problem? See? Yeah, bad! Right. ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just doin’ ♪ ♪ what comes naturally ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just following my destiny ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just doin’ ♪ ♪ what comes naturally ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ How bad can I possibly be? ♪ ♪ Well, there’s ♪ ♪ a principle in nature ♪ ♪ Principle in nature ♪ ♪ That almost ♪ ♪ every creature knows ♪ ♪ Called survival of the fittest ♪ ♪ Survival of the fittest ♪ ♪ And check it, ♪ ♪ this is how it goes ♪ ♪ The animal that wins ♪ ♪ gotta scratch and fight ♪ ♪ And claw and bite and punch ♪ ♪ And the animal that doesn’t ♪ ♪ Well, the animal that doesn’t ♪ ♪ Winds up someone else’s ♪ ♪ La-la-la-la lunch ♪ ♪ Munch, munch, munch, munch, ♪ ♪ munch I’m just sayin’ ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just doin’ ♪ ♪ what comes naturally ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just following my destiny ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just doin’ ♪ ♪ what comes naturally ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ How bad can I possibly be? ♪ ♪ There’s a principle in business ♪ ♪ Principle in business ♪ ♪ That everybody knows is sound ♪ ♪ It says the people with the ♪ ♪ money People with the money ♪ ♪ Make this ♪ ♪ ever-loving world go round ♪ ♪ So I’m biggering my company ♪ ♪ I’m biggering my factory ♪ ♪ I’m biggering my corporate sign ♪ ♪ Bigger, bigger! ♪ ♪ Everybody out there ♪ ♪ You take care of yours ♪ ♪ I’ll take care of ♪ ♪ mine-mine-mine-mine-mine ♪ ♪ Shake that bottom line ♪ ♪ Let me hear you ♪ ♪ say Smogulous Smoke! ♪ ♪ Smogulous Smoke! ♪ ♪ Schloppity-Schlopp! ♪ ♪ Complain all you want It’s never, ♪ ♪ ever, ever, ever gonna stop ♪ ♪ Stop! ♪ ♪ Come on, ♪ ♪ how bad can I possibly be? ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just building the economy ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ Just look at me ♪ ♪ petting this puppy ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ A portion of proceeds ♪ ♪ goes to charity ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ How bad could I possibly be? ♪ ♪ Let’s see! ♪ ♪ All the customers are buying ♪ ♪ And the money’s multiplying ♪ ♪ And the PR people are lying ♪ ♪ And the lawyers are denying ♪ ♪ Who cares if ♪ ♪ a few trees are dying? ♪ ♪ This is all so gratifying! ♪ ♪ How bad? ♪ ♪ How bad can this possibly be? ♪ So, how are things? What are you doing here? Happy yet? You fill that hole deep down inside you? Or do you still need more? Look, if you’ve got a problem with what I’m doing, why haven’t you used your quote-unquote powers to stop me? I told you, that’s not how it works. Right, I forgot. You’re a fraud. I need you to get out. Now! Why? Do I make you uncomfortable? Remind you of the promises you made? The man you used to be? You know what? You can just shut your mustache. My

conscience is clear. I have done nothing illegal. I have my rights, and I intend to keep on biggering and biggering, and turning more Truffula trees into Thneeds. And nothing is going to stop me! Well, that’s it. The very last one. That may stop you. Somebody sure made a bundle on that thing. I wonder what the next million dollar invention’s going to be. Yeah, I wonder… Son, you have let me down. Brett, you are now my favorite child. Hey, look, I don’t want any trouble. And you won’t get any. Not from them. Thanks to you and your hacking, and smogging and glupping, they can’t live here anymore. So, I’m sending them off. Hopefully, they’ll be able to find a better place out there somewhere. Melvin? Melvin… Hey, Pipsqueak… Hey… So, this is really all your fault. You destroyed everything. Yes. And each day since the Lorax left, I’ve sat here regretting everything I’ve done, staring at that word, “unless,” and wondering what it meant. But now I’m thinking… Well, maybe you’re the reason the Lorax left that word there. Me? Why would he leave that for me? Because unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not. The last Truffula seed. You need to plant it, Ted. Yeah, but, nobody cares about trees anymore. Then make them care. Plant the seed in the middle of town, where everyone can see. Change the way things are. I know it may seem small and insignificant, but it’s not about what it is, it’s about what it can become. That’s not just a seed, any more than you’re just a boy. I won’t let you down. I know. * * * Hey, Audrey! Audrey! Ted? What are you doing? Meet me at my house. Wait, but… My house, okay? Got to plant the seed. Okay, we’re going to need water. And uh, something to dig with. Um, what do I have… Ted? Mom, I’m busy, Mom. Theodore Wiggins, get down here right now, and I am not kidding with you! Ted, I would like you to meet Mr. O’Hare, the most powerful man in town. There he is! Hello, Ted. Uh… Hi. Isn’t he clever, Mr. O’Hare? He knows his own name and everything. You know what I would love right now, Mrs. Wiggins? A delicious cookie. Wonderful. Teddy and I’ll stay here and talk. Sure, why don’t you go ahead and adopt him? I’m just kidding. That was a joke. I was just joking. I’ll get your cookie. I know you have it, Ted. So, let’s put an end to this nonsense, shall we? Hand it over. I’m sorry… I don’t know what you’re talking about. Really? Well, then… I guess you wouldn’t mind us checking your room. No, no, no! Morty! McGurk! Find the seed! No, you can’t go up there! Guys, this is ridiculous. Stop! Hey! No, you can’t come in my room! Find it! Find it! What is going on here? This doesn’t involve you! Get back downstairs! Excuse me, down there! I don’t care who you are, you little crazy baby-man! Get out of my house now. This is outrageous. Fine. Sorry. Must have been a misunderstanding. We’ll be leaving now. And my apologies, Ted. You be safe. Mind telling me what’s going on here? The seed! Where is it? Seed? Where’s Grammy? It’s alive! I remember you. Ted, what… Audrey! Hey, did you want to… Well, okay! Ted, what is this about? It’s about this. Wait, wait, wait. Is that… Yes. The last Truffula seed. And you’re going to help me plant it right in the middle of town where everyone can see it. I could just kiss you right now! We don’t have time for that. I don’t know, we have a little time. But, you know what, let’s just go. Let’s go. Forget about it. Maniac! Hey! Ah! Here it comes! I’m going for it. Oh, hello! Ted, big scary blimp coming. Whoa! You won’t get away with this, boy! Bam! Go faster, you idiot! Yeah! Step on it, Ted! Whoa! You’re fired! Whoa! Ted, look out! Nobody beats Aloysius O… Ted… This is not good. How’s it doing? Whoa-ho-ho! Loser! Oh, really? Oh, no. The seed! Get that seed! Hang on! Here we go! Grammy! Seriously, how cool is your grandma? No! Come on! Yeah, that’s right. There it is! Hey! Watch the road, you meathead! Ah! Hey, ow, ow! Oh, come on! What the… Get it unstuck, get it unstuck! Bring it on, Teddy! You don’t have the guts! Ted! Grammy! Whoo-hoo!

Yes! Hey, hey, hey! Hey! It’s Mr. O… Take that, shorty! Okay, we have to get this in the ground. But where? There’s no dirt anywhere. No, Grammy… Hey, get out of there! Ah! Hey! What? See, what did I tell you? Easy. Huh? Hey, they broke O’Hare’s head! What do you think you’re doing, kid? Um, I’m looking for a place to plant a tree. A real one. Why would we need a tree? Exactly. Oh, man. Folks… The last thing you want around here is trees. They’re filthy! Spewing that sticky, nasty sap all over the place. They bring poisonous ants and stinging bees. Hey! Ouch. Think about the kids. And, I just thought, you know, they make leaves! You know that, right? Then these leaves, they just fall. They just fall wherever they want! Come on! We know why you’re really against trees. Because they produce fresh air. For free! Oh! I am wounded! You have lied! It is not a lie! It’s called photosynthesis. Come on. She’s making that up! That’s a made-up word, people! Thneedville is perfect just the way it is. We don’t need trees! That boy has a seed. We need to stop him! Who’s with me? Come on! O’Hare is right! Seeds will ruin us all! Stop it! Last chance, kid. Hand it over! Where do you think you’re going? Come on, let’s go! Get in, get in! Hey! Stop that maniac! Excuse me, excuse me. Watch out! Ted, you’re going to hit the wall! Yeah. I know. Wow. Did you see that? Who does this kid think he is, huh? I am Ted Wiggins. And I speak for the trees. And the fact is, things aren’t perfect here in Thneedville. And they’re only going to get worse, unless we do something about it, unless we change our ways. And we can start by planting this! Okay. Come on, now. Everything is fine. Right? I say we tell this kid what we think about that seed! People, come on! You! Get out there right now and get these people on my side, or else you’re fired! Go on, tell them what you think. ♪ You don’t know me, ♪ ♪ but my name’s Cy ♪ ♪ I’m just ♪ ♪ the O’Hare delivery guy ♪ ♪ But it seems like ♪ ♪ trees might be worth a try ♪ ♪ So I say let it grow ♪ ♪ My name is Dan ♪ ♪ And my name’s Rose ♪ ♪ Our son Wesley kind of glows ♪ ♪ And that’s not good, ♪ ♪ so we suppose ♪ ♪ We should let it grow ♪ ♪ Let it grow, let it grow ♪ ♪ You can’t reap ♪ ♪ what you don’t sow ♪ ♪ Plant a seed inside the Earth ♪ ♪ Just one way to know its worth ♪ ♪ Let’s celebrate ♪ ♪ the world’s rebirth ♪ ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ My name’s Marie, ♪ ♪ and I am three! ♪ ♪ I would really ♪ ♪ like to see a tree ♪ ♪ I say let it grow ♪ ♪ I’m Grammy Norma I’m old, ♪ ♪ and I’ve got gray hair ♪ ♪ But I remember when ♪ ♪ trees were everywhere ♪ ♪ And no one had to pay for air ♪ ♪ So I say let it grow ♪ ♪ Let it grow, let it grow ♪ ♪ Like it did so long ago ♪ ♪ It is just one tiny seed ♪ ♪ But it’s all we really need ♪ ♪ It’s time to change ♪ ♪ the life we lead ♪ ♪ Time to let it grow ♪ ♪ My name’s O’Hare, ♪ ♪ I’m one of you ♪ ♪ I live here in Thneedville, too ♪ ♪ The things you say ♪ ♪ just might be true ♪ ♪ It could be time to start anew ♪ ♪ And maybe change ♪ ♪ my point of view ♪ Nah! I say let it die! ♪ Let it die, let it die ♪ ♪ Let it shrivel up and… ♪ Come on, who’s with me? Nobody. ♪ You greedy dirt-bag-‘ ♪ ♪ Let it grow, let it grow ♪ ♪ Let the love inside you show ♪ ♪ Plant a seed inside the Earth ♪ ♪ Just one way to know its worth ♪ ♪ Let’s celebrate ♪ ♪ the world’s rebirth ♪ ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ Let it grow, let it grow ♪ ♪ You can’t reap ♪ ♪ what you don’t sow ♪ ♪ It’s just one tiny seed ♪ ♪ But it’s all we really need ♪ ♪ It’s time to ♪ ♪ banish all your greed ♪ ♪ Imagine Thneedville ♪ ♪ flowered and treed ♪ ♪ Let this be our solemn creed ♪ Thank you, Ted. ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ In Thneedville ♪ ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ It’s a brand new dawn ♪ ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ In Thneedville ♪ ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ It’s a brand new dawn ♪ You done good, Beanpole. You done good. By the way, nice mustache. UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not. —Dr. Seuss THE END

Omg

#tw long post #josh's random thoughts

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yikesharringrove · 5 years ago

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the fic you wrote for my last prompt was amazing, ty 😭 can you do 50 + 56 this time please? and if you want to work in dyslexic!steve too that would be awesome! 🥰

You are speaking my fuckin’ language, dyslexic Steve is my ABSOLUTE jam. Honestly, whenever I write Steve, he’s dyslexic, although sometimes it’s not mentioned because it’s not important to Harry’s journey @ jk rowling

Thank you for your request! I’m really glad you liked the other one I wrote! You’re anonymous so I don’t know which one that is but I really enjoyed writing them all! Sorry for my manic energy rn.

Something a little different, it’s modern au! This is probably nothing like what you were thinking so I’m sorry, but I kinda love it ngl.

50: Secret Admirer

56: “I don’t know if I should be flattered or offended.”

Prompt list!

Billy spent three and a half hours reading through every single tweet on the account.

There were so fucking many of them. The earliest one was timestamped from four days ago, so obviously, this person had no life outside of tweeting.

Tweeting about Billy.

He had a few personal favorites. He had retweeted them to his account, figuring may as well play it up, make a joke outta everything.

@ImHardForHargrove: sorry WHOMST gave you the RIGHT to have eyes that fuckin blue im YELLING

@ImHardForHargrove: watchin u play basketball is a religious experience y are ur arms so BIG hhnnnng

And Billy’s absolute favorite, which he pinned right at the top of his account

@ImHardForHargrove: ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass

Billy knew he looked good. Knew he turned heads wherever he went. He did that on purpose. But realizing someone at Hawkins High had set up a thirst account for him, well.

“I don’t know if I should be flattered or offended.” Billy had explained the situation to Robin, letting her go through the account on his phone. “Like, It’s kinda nice, whoever this guy is, he’s got a crush. But also like, It’s kinda creepy. Plus he’s objectifying me,” Billy was talking through his sandwich.

Robin made a face of disgust. “Why do you keep saying ‘he’? All of the girls in this fucking school are practically drooling for you.”

“Hard for Hargrove, Robin. I know you’re like, revolted by the peen and whatever but that does not excuse a lack of basic sexual education and anatomy.” She gagged at him. Honest to God, gagged. He thought she was gonna spew all over the table.

“If I ever hear you call it a peen ever again, it’s on sight Hargrove.” Heather plopped herself down next to Robin, kissing her cheek before zeroing in on Billy’s phone, still in Robin’s hand.

“Have you guys worked out who it could be yet?” Her eyes were wide at Billy.

“Billy says he thinks its a guy even though people with penises aren’t necessarily men.” Robin gave him a pointed look.

“Yeah Robin, I know that, but, I don’t know I just think it’s a guy penis-having person.”

Heather narrowed her eyes at him. “Do you actually think that, or are you just hoping in that goblin little brain of yours that this account is Steve Harrington’s.” Billy could feel the heat spread down his neck.

“Billy, I know Steve is like, the only out guy in this whole fucking town, but you can do way better than him. PLUS, I feel like it makes more sense if the person running this account wasn’t out and had to channel their gay yearning through social media.”

“First of all Robin, you have this vendetta against Steve that I don’t get. He’s a nice guy. He’s kinda dopey, kinda dumb, but he’s like, sweet and shit. Second, I’m not out, so it still could be him because he doesn’t think I would, like, accept his advances or whatever. Hence, gay internet yearning.” The chime of the bell sent them packing their lunches, Billy’s phone vibrated in Robin’s hand. She rolled her eyes when he realized he turned on notifications for the account

“Get a fucking life you loser.” She slapped the phone into his hand. He opened the new tweet with embarrassing zeal.

@ImHardForHargrove: i saw u talking with ur mouth full and it was yucky but i was still 🥺🥺

His head shot up, trying to see who would have been facing him during lunch, but the cafeteria was almost empty.

The rest of the week Billy took deliberate care of every interaction he had with anyone. Observing who was in his surroundings, and making note of everything he did and said. He took extra caution around Steve, wanting to spot any minute detail that could give away who ran the account.

The account started blowing up. People were retweeting like fucking crazy. Everywhere he went, he was being asked if he’s seen it, like he doesn’t regularly retweet the good ones. The search for the owner of the account had spread throughout the whole school. A few girls even tried to claim the account was theirs, but every time that happened the account would tweet out something to discredit whoever made the claim, proving them a liar.

Billy was starting to lose hope it was Harrington. The tweets were coming at all different times, posted whenever the person thought about it, so Billy was losing track of who was near when he said or did something. And the tweets were always about stupid stuff Billy didn’t register doing. On Wednesday night the account said

@ImHardForHargrove: hi when you chew on your pencil and it makes me 🥴 that is all thx for comin to my ted talk

Friday afternoon gave them all:

@ImHardForHargrove: walked past ur classroom and u were asleep ive never wanted to CUDDLE someone so bad in my LIFE

But Saturday, Saturday renewed all hope for Harrington Billy could possibly have. Lauren Kranz was throwing a party. It was the first real rager in a while, so everyone was there, and everyone was sloshed. Everyone but Billy, who’d agreed to be designated driver for Robin and Heather like some kinda idiot.

He was brooding on the back porch when his phone went off. The account was active, and the owner was drunk.

@ImHardForHargrove: I can seeeeee u oyt the windw I wan u 2 FUC ME. RAW DOG.

@ImHardForHargrove: srry ur so beauitiful nd THICCC

@ImHardForHargrove: I wana shoot my shot but idk if u lik bois

@ImHardForHargrove: (ys i am boi)

@ImHardForHargrove: nd i dont wana get my heart broken agin 😥

He was right about it being a guy. He was right about him being too nervous to approach him outright. His brain was screaming stevestevesteve at him. Hawkins was shook when Steve came out as bisexual in his sophomore year. He was the golden boy, a real jock. He was NOT the kind of guy people would assume queer in a small midwestern town.

He was kind of a douchebag, dumping one girl for another, sleeping with her and never calling again. But then he settled down with this guy from the University of Indianapolis for a few months until Steve caught him cheating. Apparently, he had slashed the guy’s tires. Billy was impressed.

The next year came Wheeler, who only stuck around long enough to make sure Steve was nice and whipped before she fucked off on him too. So Steve retreated. Spent more time with middle schoolers than anybody else. Didn’t want to put his heart on the line anymore until he knew it wouldn’t be stomped on. Billy could respect that.

Billy couldn’t risk being out in a town like Hawkins. Word always had a way of getting right back to his dad, and in a tiny hick town with nothing better to do than gossip, it was usually only a matter of hours before Neil heard something he didn’t like.

@ImHardForHargrove: srry 4 bad typing rn. drunk nd dysl exic ren’t a happy combo

Billy’s heart stopped. The drunken idiot was giving himself away. Maybe if he sat here staring at the account long enough, enough would be revealed he could figure it all out like a shitty drunk episode of Blue’s Clues.

He was so focused on Twitter, refreshing his feed, again and again, he didn’t notice a very drunk, and very unsteady Steve Harrington stumbling out the back door towards him. Until he crashed into his back.

“Sorry, Bill!” Billy had Steve by the shoulders trying to keep him upright. “Heyy I have a question for you.” Steve grabbed one of Billy’s hands and veered over to the table and chairs arranged neatly on the small patio. When they were sitting, Steve kept ahold of Billy’s hand.

“Hi.” Steve was smiling like a little kid. Billy was in fucking love.

“hey, Harrington. What was your question.”

“So-oo. I have this friend. A very good friend. Super close. And he has a big ol’ crush on you but he’s too scared to ask you himself because he keeps getting his heart fuckin’ broken so he wanted me to ask. Are you into guys?” It’s a miracle Billy understood any of that, every word blending into the next.

“That depends.” Billy leaned in, running his tongue along his bottom lip. He saw Steve take in a sharp breath, following the movement with his glazed eyes. He knew Steve was talking about himself, he just wanted to rile him up a little. Make him blush first. “This friend you’re talkin’ about. He’s our age? Like you’re not trying to set me up with one a’ your kids, right?” Steve physically recoiled.

“NO, you fuckin’ pedo. I’m NOT trying to set you up with a fuckin’, fuckin’ middle schooler. My friend is, uh eighteen. He’s a senior.” Unless Tommy fuckin’ H. suddenly had a penchant for dick Billy didn’t know about, Steve was 100% talking about himself.

“Well, if he’s as pretty as you are, I’d love to go out with him sometime.” Billy winked. Steve went red.

“Okay, but like, does that mean you’d go out with me? Like I’m as pretty as me, right? Because I was talking about me. Not ‘a friend’ I was talking about me. Steve.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured that out. You know, I was hoping it was you running that Twitter. Any time you’d tweet out something you wanted to do with me, I was always picturin’ doing it with you, Baby.” Billy was practically purring. “Especially all the shit you wanted me to do TO you.” Steve gave something between a whine and a groan and flopped himself onto Billy’s lap, straddling him with very little grace.

“Thank God. ‘Cause you’re so fucking hot I’d let you do anything to me. Anything, Bill.” Billy smiled softly at him.

“Then let me take you home. Let me put you in bed to sleep off all this. And let me take you to breakfast tomorrow. Something nice and greasy for your hangover tummy.” Steve was a puddle in Billy’s lap. “C’mon, Drunky, git your ass up.” Steve just giggled and muttered Drunky Skunky under his breath.

Billy sighed and stood up, hefting Steve up with him.

“Bil-ly,” Steve whined. “You’re so strong, this is so fucking hot. I gotta tweet about this.”

“Tweet it later, Sweet Thing.”

It took Billy for-fucking-ever to find Robin and Heather (they were making out in the basement with the stoners). But Steve chirped and cooed into his ear, so happy Billy could lift him and hold him like it was nothing.

The last tweet from the account was timestamped from Sunday evening.

@ImHardForHargrove: Hi this is Steve. Billy’s my boyfriend now 🥰#ThirstWorks

#I'm gonna reblog this in the morning too #Im v proud of it I want people to SEE IT #harringrove #steve harrington #steve harrington x billy hargrove #billy hargrove x steve harrington #billy hargorve #modern au #modern harringrove #yikes writes #harringrove prompts #Harringrove Prompts list #harringrove prompt fill #prompt fill #prompt fic

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airoasis · 6 years ago

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