#thank u for reading i don't think i've ever wrote tags this long on this blog wowie

[ningtual]

anyone who says that materialistic things don't bring you happiness LIES

[hwajin]

☆°. — 2024; in fics !!

since the year is coming to an end (and spotify wrapped finally came out) i wanted to make a short, personal tumblr wrapped, shouting out my fav fics i've read this year; to both recap AND animate other ppl to read them as well!! it's not a ton, but it's the fics that stayed with me the most <3

one shots

☆ ; 22 strokes ; @cb97percent || MYYY fav piece of short erotic literature this year. i've grown out of reading pure smut/ porn without plot and i get soo bored scrolling the smut tags lately, but god THIS was absolute perfection. personally, for me, good smut is when i'm reading more than just nasty fucking; and this definitely delivered. i also remember the visuals so well, like the first sentence i read i was instantly pulled into the same view i had when i first read it!! 10/10 would reread it a million times and not get bored!!!

☆ ; starry night ; @astraystayyh || AHHHH i remembered the feeling i had while i read this INSTANTLY like it catapulted me right back!!! like this is JUST the romantic shit i LOVE and yearn and long for, and reading it tore my heart APART i loved it so so much omg. i kept remembering this one shot from time to time when i visited museums OR looked at my starry night print above my bed!! i need to reread this fully next time i see a van gogh hehe

☆ ; wherever you are ; @hyunverse || god i remember this hurting me just in the right places and then flicking my heart back again. friends to lovers will always be my fav genre of anything EVER but the little twist added to this made this fic SOOO unique and fun?? like the way it's written in parts i enjoyed SO much, the continuous timeline of them growing up together, the writingggg??? this one shot inspired me to a fic of my own (which i've never finished </3) and i feel like that says enough about how much it affected me 🫶🫶

☆ ; the snow falls apart, we fall apart ; @/astraystayyh || i sobbed over this one. SO so much. the time where 'long for you' came out was so crazy because everyone wrote their hearts out and this was amongst my favourites i've read. the visuals are so impressive because i (once again) remember this one shot so vividly before my inner eye, like i remember laying in bed and reading this, close to tears and everything. the longing and unsureness and the unspoken love in this has haunted me for soooo long it all came right back when i saw this fic in my reblogs. i wanna reread it so bad actually especially since it's getting so cold and grey now 😭

serieses

☆ ; super bored ; @straywrds || okay. OKAY. mari, you're already fucking know what i'm about to say because i am annOYING when it comes to this series; but it is, no lying, the best i have ever read. if this was a full on novel i wouldn't even question it a second, and it would be no doubt one of my favourites. when i scrolled through my reblogs to check what fanfictions had struck with me i already knew super bored would be included because it would have been ILLEGAL not to. it was also the only piece i knew by heart, with no need of rereading a first sentence to remember the feeling i had when i first discovered it; i only need a quick glance at blue hydrangeas and frogs for the feelings to come back. or when i think of paris. or when i listen to this and this song (je l'aime à mourir was my most listened to song this year... like hello). like this piece has struck me SO incredibly deep and i so so hope that you know that!! (i doubt that you don't.... i was and still am in your asks about it like a leech jfjejd) like i truly and genuinely don't believe that there's another reader who loves super bored as much as me, the way my throat formed a clump when i skimmed over the tags i wrote!!! i miss the universe so so much, i hope (without any intended pressure, of course) that you get the time and motivation to finish it at some point, even if it's in 10 years time!!! after yapping so much i wanted to truly thank you for writing and sharing this piece with us; i hold it dear to my heart, every single day <3

[highhhfiveee]

to save

(a bonus "to crumble" ficlet | this is to be read after to surrender; the entire collection is here: 🩹) pairing: mike schmidt x blackfem!reader summary: abby needs a savior. you come to the rescue.  wc: 4.2k tags: angst through and through mostly (some light violence, arguing, child neglect ): , drug and alcohol mentions, infertility mentions, angry feelings about a shitty situation [mike you suck]), fluff towards the end with reader and abby (: a/n: so, i hit 1k followers the other day (which thank you so much??? what a nuts accomplishment!!) and i'd decided a while back that this is what i wanted to give you all as a surprise, considering that a lot of you enjoyed the to crumble fics 🥹 this was originally supposed to be longer, but i may do a part 2 just because i didn’t want it to be super long and i wanted to finally put it out cause it's been overdue lmao. enjoy!

you'd been used to silence at night, but now, it was different.

before, the dead of night was peppered with stressful, anxious energy. you'd lay in bed staring at the ceiling, wondering how everything would manage to stay glued together. you begged yourself to dream instead of think. you'd wanted to be whisked away from the incessant, compulsive thoughts you had about work, home, your relationship; every second you could spend with your eyes closed, turning that silence into a fantasy you could almost taste, was better than being awake and facing your reality.

sleep had been your way to escape the quiet then, but these days, you enjoyed every second of it.

for the first few weeks of being away from mike and abby, you'd been unnerved by the still air of your parent's house. everything was calm and collected and unlike anything you'd experienced in the past two years, and you'd wanted to accept it with open arms, but your body held you back with a bit of apprehension.

everything felt so relaxed, but when would it blow up?

the thought had lingered in the back of your mind as you went about your life---another semester of school went by, and another birthday, grocery store trips, gas station visits, lunches with your parents and friends; soon, you're not thinking of anything going wrong ever again.

you were uncomfortable with peace at first, but now, you realized how invaluable it was. everyone deserved peace, and since you'd gotten yours, you hadn't wanted to let it go.

you were resting in this peace once more, curled up on the living room couch and leisurely clicking through your gradebook when it's shattered down the middle by ...baby one more time.

it was abby's ringtone, the one you'd selected specially for her. it would've filled you with glee, getting a call from your favorite girl, if it weren't for the fact that she never called. she was more comfortable with texts and emails and you respected that. you wanted to make this time in her life as serene as possible, and wrote her back once that phone calls will only be for emergencies then, okay?

it was 10:27 pm, and she should've been asleep, watched by max or whoever mike had hired as her babysitter now. you answer the phone after the second ring, closing your laptop. "is everythi---"

"y/n," she sobs, and suddenly you're fully alert, placing your computer on the couch cushions and shooting to your feet. "can you please come get me?" you don't hesitate to dash to your room and throw on clothes at her distressed tone, keeping your phone between your shoulder and cheek. your heart pounds, the sound wooshing through your skull.

still, you muster up the courage to ask, "abby, what's going on? are you okay, are you hurt? where's max?"

"she got into a-a fight with mike. she didn't come when s-she was supposed to, and mike was u-u-upset that she was gonna make him late for work. they had been yelling at each other so he left, and then max did too. i don't think she t-t-old him." you stop all of your movements at her hiccupping, squeezing your eyes shut.

"she just left you alone at the house?"

"y-yes, and i've been trying to call and text mike but he's n-not picking up."

you'd always known that mike put his phone on Do Not Disturb when he went to work, but that was before. that was when you were the one watching abby at night. you don't understand why he still keeps it on, and why abby's not able to bypass the setting.

"when did he leave?"

"l-like 30 minutes ago. max left like f-five ago."

"how many times did you call him?"

"eight."

you bite at your bottom lip as you fight to hold back tears. your hands ball into fists at the rage that you feel inside, hot and searing and aimed at the two adults that left an eleven-year-old unaccompanied.

"i want you to pack a bag with enough stuff for a couple of weeks, okay? i'm gonna come get you and you're gonna stay with me for a little."

abby's calmed down enough to say, "but isn't your parents' house too small?" without stuttering. it was, but that was irrelevant. in the grand scheme of everything, the amount of space didn't matter. you just wanted abby to be safe.

"doesn't matter, sweet girl. they'll understand, and we'll do all the fun stuff we used to do together. we're gonna do karaoke, and watch movies, a-and we can paint again. don't you miss that?"

you can hear abby nod, and when she sniffles, murmuring, "i miss it a lot," you're like an olympian sprinting to your car, cooing, "lock the front door and wait for me in your room, yeah? everything's going to be okay, abby, i promise."

you're throwing your car into gear like you drive for a living, speeding all the way across town. you'd be fearful for cops if the pure adrenaline of your past hadn't been coursing through your veins; you feel transported back to the days of rushing over to abby's school, sweeping her into your arms as she wailed about mike forgetting her day in and day out.

you were her savior then, and though you loved her beyond words, you'd never wanted to be that. when you'd left, you thought you'd finally shed that title, but here you were again. you'd wrap her up in your arms and she'd see that halo over your head again, thanking you for saving her from the common denominator in both of your problems; the one person that had roped you two back into this pattern.

you still do the wrapping when she runs into your arms in the foyer, of course, holding her so tight that you're afraid you might break her, and as you do, you take in her environment.

the house hadn't been in complete shambles like you'd expected, but it still wasn't anywhere near what it should've been. there were dishes piled in one side of the sink, surrounded by buzzing gnats, and clothes thrown all around the living room. none of them are abby's.

"max's been trying to help me clean, but mike just ruins our progress," abby sits next to her bags on the couch once you let her go, staring up at you with red-rimmed eyes that take you back to the day you left.

"help you clean?" you gripe, glaring at empty, sticky-looking cups and the heap of mail, mostly bills, on the dining table.

"mike..." abby drops her eyes down to her feet, picking a piece of skin off the edge of her thumb. "nothing really changed when you left." she continues on, telling you about how everything had gotten worse in the six months that you'd been gone.

mike had quit his other job and started locking himself in his room again. sometimes, he even forgot to take abby to school after work, despite her shouting and banging against the door to get him to do so.

after her failed attempts, she'd sit in her room all day, falling asleep in her fort after sobbing for hours upon hours, while mike showed up to the pickup lane of her school in the afternoon bleary-eyed and disheveled.

"mr. schmidt, abby was never dropped off."

he'd come back home to find her curled up and snoring under her tent; safe and sound in this strange way that should've disturbed him. it should've made his blood boil, anger directed towards himself when he realized that he'd just dreamtthat he'd taken her to school instead of tangibly doing it. it should've worried him that her school might pick up on that, and get higher powers involved.

with his latest cocktail, an ambien and a beer (or two), however, he felt nothing at all.

once he'd seen abby in her room, he'd closed the door and sent them back into the same cycle he'd created.

max had tried her best to take care of abby, but considering the fact that mike wasn't paying her anything, she couldn't always afford to help abby in the way she wanted and mike hadn't been much help. he'd always leave without a word when she showed up at night, and even when she'd begun taking abby to school in the mornings, he hadn't shown any gratitude. he'd only used it to feel better about his irresponsibility, feeling on top of the world when he dropped by abby's school and she was actually there to be picked up.

max's generosity had allowed mike to wholeheartedly slip back into his previous neglectful autopilot; he saw his duties as guardian done when food was in the fridge, toiletries were in the bathroom, and his sister was enclosed in the house, and that pissed you off to the highest degree.

you understood max's stance with fighting against him, but you wondered why abby had to be hurt in the process. she was just a child, someone that shouldn't have been brought in the middle of a petty squabble between two adults. max should've never left her alone, and you're desperate to chew her out as well.

"i think i might get kicked out of school too," abby solemnly tells you now as you throw her bags into the backseat of your car and buckle her up in the front. "i don't think he can afford it anymore. they pull him aside to talk every time he comes and gets me. 'just give me more time', he always says."

your eyes fill with tears again, and you let them fall. she was only eleven and deserved none of this. you were sure that if you had nothing to live for, you'd kill mike. you felt like there was no remedy for anything he'd done until he was gone, completely separate from you and abby in every way, shape, and form.

an idea that wouldn't land you life in prison formulates in your head, and it's this idea that propels you to freddy's, your hand smoothing down abby's flyaways as you drive with an aching heart.

"stay in here, okay?" you tell her once you've stopped the car in the desolate parking lot of mike's job. "lock the doors behind me."

"y/n, i'm sorry for not telling you anything about what was happening," she seems genuinely disappointed in herself, closing her own teary eyes. a single droplet cascades down her cheek and you caress it, placing a soft, forgiving kiss on her forehead. her emails and texts had made it seem like everything was okay, but you couldn't blame her for putting on a front.

you'd let go from them and she'd understood why. she didn't want to worry you about her and her brother, the brother who'd made you wear a smile while he dragged you through hell. none of that was her fault, but still; she was related to him and felt like a mess, a burden by association. "i didn't tell anyone because i was afraid they would send me away an---"

"it's okay, abby," you purr, opening your car door and sticking your leg out. "soon, you won't have to be afraid anymore. i'll make sure of it."

you remind her of your original instructions and she nods, clicking the electronic lock on the door panel as you march to the dated entrance of the pizzeria. you grit your teeth, bashing your balled fists on the door.

"open the fuck up, mike!" you scream, turning your flaming face towards the security camera as you continue your assault against the building. your hands prickle with the feeling of the solid glass on your skin but you push it aside, pounding as hard as you can. "mike! i swear to fucking god, open this fucking door!"

your throat is nearly raw from shouting for so long, and you begin kicking at the door when it finally swings open, and your feet and hands are connecting with mike's loose frame.

"y/n, what the fuck..." his speech is slurred, and it only angers you further. you don't stop your movements, smacking at his body with a fury you don't think you've ever felt in your entire life.

mike feels nothing of the sort. he barely feels anything, disoriented and numb from the drug-induced nap he'd been taking.

you'd been in his dream; shit, you'd been in them forever, but more so since the two of you had broken up. it felt like a part of his punishment for everything he'd done, though he thought that was the only way he'd ever see you again. he doesn't expect to feel the weight of your small fists beating against his chest, or that he'll have to wrangle his arms around your waist to stop your attack on him. you're still as beautiful as ever, so red-faced and irritated in your favorite sweats, but he knows it doesn't matter. it's just a thought, one that doesn't even work to deflect his attention from your violent efforts. "jesus christ, stop---hitti--"

"get the fuck off me, mike!" you screech, forcefully shoving your hands into the center of his chest. his arms around your waist made you feel dizzy once upon a time, but feeling them now, for any reason, makes you want to throw up, and you're nearly crying as he tightens them around you. "get off!"

"stop trying to beat the shit out of me, then!" he retorts, stumbling back as you push into him once more when he finally drops you. you're both staring at each other, your breaths labored and emotional, and you launch straight into your tirade, jamming a finger in mike's face.

"well, why don't you stop dragging me back into your life! max left abby at home alone and i was the only person who could help her, mike," he opens his mouth to tiredly protest, but you turn your finger into an entire hand, halting his words. "and before you say, 'well, she could've called me', she did. she called you eight times, but you didn't answer. abby would've been home by herself all night because of you and now, i have to be wrapped up in this again. was almost two years not enough?"

mike's slow mind begins to jog with the mention of abby being alone, but he's still slurring, sunken eyes dark in the low lighting of the vacant pizzeria. "y/n..."

"you're taking the ambien again, aren't you?"

he's licking his lips and letting out a deep sigh, his eyes fluttering to the ground. you begin to hiss, "tell me the truth" when he finally mutters, "i need it."

your laugh is sharp and bitter and aimed towards the sky, tears cresting your lash line again. "like you needed it then, too?"

you never thought you'd see mike again, or at least not so soon. it's saddening to you that your reunion is filled with such distress. you couldn't be happy to see him even if you tried, and that thought pricked at your body with the intensity of a million needles.

how pathetic, all that time you'd been together, all that love and affection reduced to anger pulsing in your heart.

"you're so hopeless, mike." the words sting your tongue, filling the air between you with bitter animosity, but both of you know it's not a lie. "i don't understand why you won't change; not even just for abby, or for me, but for yourself. this wasn't what this was supposed to be," you dig your teeth into the plushiness of your bottom lip as you weep on. "we alldeserve better than this. we were supposed to better our lives together."

"yeah, we were, and then you left."

you wrinkle your forehead irritably, snapping, "you don't get to use that against me. you know exactly why i left."

mike stares at you, grinding his molars together with a tight, clenched jaw. "that's also why i'm gonna take full custody of abby."

it's mike's turn to chuckle now, the sound rumbling through his chest and causing him to place his palm on his abdomen. he bends over slightly, rolling through the motions of an exaggerated belly laugh, and you cross your arms over your chest, straightening your posture. "this isn't some kind of joke. i'm serious, mike."

"yeah, okay, y/n." his groggy, nonchalant tone irritates you; it makes it impossible to not think about how he's probably like this at home, hiding away and drugging himself to sleep, ignoring the one person that needs him more than ever.

"you're in no position to take care of her! you get home from work and lock yourself in your room, forget to take your little sister to school, and ignore her calls when you're at work so you can sleep through your entire shift!" you hadn't yelled that intensely since you'd found out mike had cheated on you, and it didn't even feel good. there was nothing rewarding about it, and it made swallowing to soothe your throat more painful. "so i'm taking her far the fuck away from you. she's had it hard enough, and it's me, your aunt, or the state. i refuse for abby to have to grow up in an environment that's not safe for her, and you're going to have to deal with that."

you're giving him a tight smile, holding your shaky hands in surrender as you pace backwards towards the entrance. you shrug your shoulders at mike's expression, pinched and angry and pointed as you begin to push the main doors open.

“yeah, you wanna play mommy to my little sister cause you can’t have kids of your own?”

you freeze in place, painfully furrowing your eyebrows. there's a piercing ache in your stomach, the poke of mike's dig at you spreading to every nerve in your body.

something you'd revealed to him when you two had seriously talked about living together and settling down, all tearful and dreary and apologetic, now used against you like it had the weight of some kind of crime deserving life.

he'd held you that night, kissing your cheeks and comforting you, whispering, "you don't have anything to apologize for, baby. me, you, and abby can be a family."

you hadn't wanted to be some young parent, but you'd loved the idea of a support system and a place that was actuallyhome, the hub of everything family. you'd been raised in that and wanted to continue it, carrying on that closeness in your own time.

so many doctors visits had told you that it wouldn't be possible. you'd worked hard to accept it, and though it pained you every time thoughts of growing old and settling down swirled in your head, mike had helped you truly come to terms with it. "who knows what miracle could happen? even so, family can be created or chosen. we can build our family in so many ways, okay?"

you're back to freddy's as quickly as you drifted, wondering if mike had thought about the same memory as you after he'd let the words foolishly tumble from his mouth. his face reveals little, his hooded eyes looking to the dust-covered information board beside you.

mike was able to play both roles; he could be the sweet, gentle, affectionate type, but recently, if you provoked him in any way, he turned grating and cruel. you didn't understand him anymore. you hadn't in a long time, but in this particular moment, he's completely and totally lost on you.

in the past, he was asking why you hadn't left him, so guilty and ashamed and saying he didn't deserve you, but even after leaving, you'd gotten sucked back in, every single second in his presence a punch to the gut as he showed you exactly what he meant.

you're giving him room to say something, anything, maybe even apologize, but there's just silence that you can't enjoy. something you'd become so fond of begins to drive you up a wall, so you huff despairingly and mutter, “it's for her own good, mike.” before leaving.

accommodating your life for abby hadn't been on your bucket list, but you were surprised at how effortlessly you'd fallen into being her full-time caretaker again. you'd immediately sprung into action, letting abby inhabit your bedroom while you sorted everything out with your parents. they hadn't been overwhelmed with joy about the circumstances, as they'd never cared for mike much, but they don't judge you.

though what you're doing is big, they understand what you're doing it for. someone you'd do anything for, someone that you wanted to protect and nurture. you were willing to put it all on the line for abby's well-being, and they admired you for that.

they'd fortunately helped you get into a small apartment, one close to abby's school, and you'd gotten in contact with abby's aunt, pleading your case for custody to her with a highly-detailed portfolio over brunch.

she wasn't your favorite person, the stick up her ass unbearable at times, but you'd needed her to see you as competent enough to go through with transferring her petition for full responsibility of abby. you'd been nervous at first, but the massive amount of damning evidence and "shit-talking" on mike's behalf had been enough for her to see you as fit, in addition to your "stable, ordinary career".

though she'd been easy to win over, you hadn't expected mike to be as well after your encounter at freddy's. with the way he'd reacted when you broke the news, you'd thought you'd be arguing with him constantly, bickering about how he wasn't in a good enough spot to keep abby in his charge.

only that never happened, and you'd  let out a big sigh when you received signed documents in the mail, relinquishing all of his rights and privileges as abby's guardian. his name wass scribbled across the signature lines in thin, inky strokes, slanted and sloppy.

like everything regarding your connection, it was bittersweet. abby had even expressed the same sentiment when you'd picked her up from her newly-attended after school program. you'd told her aunt about her schooling, and she'd agreed to help pay for most of it considering that abby was in your care now.

"money won't go to waste now. i wanted mike to work for it, the lazy fool. i wasn't gonna let my money go down the drain with him."

you'd simply nodded at her confession, unsure of why all of the adults in abby's life had failed her. not paying for her school because of mike was idiotic to you, but you'd brushed it aside with the thought that she could finally be fully enriched now.

all of the new possibility, for both you and abby, rode on your shoulders, and though you'd been curious as to why you were the one chosen for this responsibility, you'd accepted it with open arms.

"y/n," abby's voice pulls you from your thoughts, and you're back to sitting at the small dinette in your new kitchen with her, lo mein weaved around your wooden chopsticks. the noodles slip when you jolt with a soft, "huh". her eyes are wide and inquisitive, and you close your own to recollect yourself. "are you okay?"

"yeah, i'm sorry. just thinking about...things."

"not about shrimp lo mein, i see," abby giggles deviously, reaching her hand into your container to snatch a shrimp. she pops it into her mouth with a hum as you gawk in fake disapproval, getting her back for a piece of her sesame chicken.

"and you're not thinking about sesame chicken, so take that," you retort, the both of you falling into hushed, familiar laughter that makes the rapid change of your life so worth it.

you'd taken a bit of time off from work to deal with constant meetings and court dates, and even though abby had already been staying with you during the entire case, you were now her appointed guardian and it felt unreal.

you'd seen how happy she'd gotten. it was like the old days, when you'd first met; she was so lively and joyous and curious then, and you'd been so thrilled to see that sparkle return to her eye with every trip to the children's museum, morning conversation on the ride to school, and dragged out bedtime story.

you knew that every signature, every eerie government building, every early morning and late night, everything----it had all gone into ensuring that abby had endless moments like that, and ones like the present; eating her favorite chinese food after finishing up homework and bathing, and giggling with you as she was reminded that she'd never have to worry about being taken care of ever again.

you couldn't let anyone down, especially not her. you'd taken the biggest risk to change her life, and in knowing that, savior didn't feel like such a heavy title.

now, it was freeing; to save didn't feel so crushing anymore.

"don't worry about my things," you stretch your arm across the vinyl table for her hand, brushing your thumb across her delicate skin with a warm, loving smile. "all that matters right now is that you're here with me, safe and cared for. that's a thing we can both think about."

(,: didn't think i'd write anything else for this au but they get me every time. how sweet. i hope you all enjoyed! thank you so much again for 1k, i love you all!!

faire's seedlings ✿

@leahdhopkins4321-@pyr0-kai-@angstywhore-@sunazroo-@nyxthoughtss-@mirophobic-@fayethor-@marixsimps-@regretfulme-@ithinkitszeph-@707xn-@cattt777-@violetta-ximena-@amnesia33-@topnerd03-@fastnights-@laprvphette-@savage-aespa-@mfdxz-@0-tatiana-0-@dusstory-@delwrites-@mikeschmidtgf-@jun1p3rlol-@xyzstar-@aquamarine001-@atrociouslybear-@ickleronniekinsemotionalrange

[ohkate]

Thank you @jessij1997 for this tag. I love this topic!

How long have you been writing fics?

One year. I did write a fic about 20 years ago but nothing since then.

What fic are you reading right now or what was the last one you read?

I've been in a more romantic mood recently and I reread Flower-U-Up by Miss_SnowWhitePink for a pick me up.

I also reread Cooperative Gameplay because I rec'd it to @badassfetish.

What fic are you most proud of?

I'm the most proud of the fic I wrote for this year's Shameless Big Bang. I can't wait to show it to you all!

Second to that, I actually really like my story Five Senses. It was the first fic where I did exactly what I wanted to do with the concept without feeling like I wasn't a good enough writer to write it properly.

What is the last fic you wrote?

Other than my Galladrabbles and the silly AI Generated story I posted, the last real fic I wrote was This, which was a gift to @badassfetish.

Your 3 favourite fanfic tropes:

I would say these are specific to THIS fandom:

Alpha/Omega: "Oh no my suppressants aren't working for some mysterious reason. If only my down low soul mate was here to fuck me for days. Oh wait...he is!"

Pretend relationship leads to real relationship

Fridging: Yes I know this is horrible and I understand why. But I love when one love interest is hurt and the other one goes on a rampage to avenge them or rescues them, etc. Ian telling Lip that if he ever hits Mickey again he'll kill him is hot for a reason.

What is your favourite thing about writing fics?

I love that it helps me flex the creative muscles that sometimes get stagnant from just doing gifsets. People tend to like basic gifsets but the more arty stuff, the stuff you have to think about and actually put thought and effort into, the text you come up with to make it feel like something more...it can sometimes be less appreciated. Not because it's not good but just because not everyone likes YOUR style. I tend to be uber-romantic and with Ian and Mickey that ends up being more AU, lol.

So sometimes I find myself doing the same scenes, the same moments...and trying to make something new out of a limited amount of scenes can be tiring. But with fic, I can create something and mold it right to how I want it. I don't have to be limited to the footage of them we have.

tagging the most recent writers on my dash: @gallawitchxx

@callivich @suzy-queued @takeyourpillsbitchh @lingy910y @badassfetish @starry-nights-17 @sweetbee78 @spicycinnabun

[playgrl0]

a/n: i.. have no idea what this is. it isn't a real fic it's just something that i needed to get off my chest... i think? idk man lmao. i wrote it while i was very high nd sad lol. also, i decided to not tag anyone since this isn't really a fic nd it's not about anyone specific. i imagined nanami while writing it tho, (well, the beginning nd the end lol) but u can ofc imagine anyone u want.

wc: 0,582

!! TW! implied suicide. poor mental health. just overall sad nd dark, very depressing i guess... i don't really know. please don't read if u easily get triggered, thank u !!

“Are you okay?” he asks. His voice is soft and careful. His hand resting atop your shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze, his eyes showing a sign of worry while waiting for your answer.

-

“Yes” “yes” “yes” “yes” “yes” “yes” “yes”

But am i really?

No. I'm not okay at all. But if I give you that answer, then what? What are you going to do? What can you do?

Absolutely nothing.

I'm in way too much pain. Too much has happened. Too many things have fucked up my brain. There's nothing you could ever do or say to take that trauma and pain away from me. So “yes”, is the best answer i can give you.

You can't do anything about the raging storm that is happening inside of my head. No one can. It's loud. It's so loud there. Loud thunder. The rain,

So loud, so loud, so fucking loud.

And my head feels heavy. Really fucking heavy. It's like I can barely hold it up and I always have to lay down to make sure my body doesn't give out under the heavy pressure of carrying my head around.

And when the thoughts in my brain keep piling on top of each other, so much, and so high that I barely can fit inside anymore, that's when the thoughts get really dark and heavy.

That's where I know that not a single soul can help me.

That I'm lost.

That's when I want to hurt myself.

When I want everything to stop.

The thoughts. The pain. The numbness. The heaviness. The struggle. The tears. The voices.

When i want

To

Stop

Existing.

That's the deepest part of the hole you can fall into. The moment where you're only a second, only a millimetre away from hitting the bottom.

That's the moment you get rid of your existence and hit the bottom of the hole.

It's what I've been longing for for the longest time. I don't remember what it's like not to want it.

The best part about it is that you won't feel the impact. You won't feel the pain, the shame, the guilt, the heaviness of the world anymore because it's quiet.

It'll be so quiet and peaceful.

No voices. No storm. No pain. No thoughts. No tears. No harm. No danger.

Just

Peace.

That's the only thing that can fix me. That can heal me, make me be okay.

But until then, I'm not okay. I won't be. There's nothing, besides that, that can fix me.

But I can't tell him, or anyone else, any of that.

So i'll just continue to nod my head, give a assuring smile and say yes.

“Yes” “yes” “yes” “yes” “yes” “yes” “yes”

-

I wrap my arms around his torso, my head buried in his chest. “Yes.” I answer him. “Just tired, that's all.” I smile at him.

He smiles back, kissing my forehead gently. He doesn't believe me, I know that. But he doesn't want to pressure me. “You can talk to me. Always and about anything. You know that, right?” he reminds me, his soft lips moving against my forehead.

“I know.” I kiss him on the lips, he smiles against mine. “Let's go lay down and take a nap together, yeah? You need rest.”

love,

<3 @ playgrl0

[look-i-love-u]

Tag Game Wednesday

Gone full week and arrived at Wednesday again. Oops.

This is totally last week's one.

thank you for tagging me: @vintagelacerosette, @jrooc, @shippergirl121fic, @energievie, @ian-galagher, @blue-disco-lights @michellemisfit

Name and A03 handle: Vey, miss_snowwhitepink

Current Location: on the couch, sipping water, trying to get better hydrated

Favourite picrew:

What's one thing you want in a picrew? more body types, more fantasy, more pets

Favourite thing you’ve created (or seen created) for the fandom?

Fuck-U-Up Mug

Why is it your favourite?

Painted this mug for the first gallacrafts theme and I still love it and use it almost daily. It's still looking as good as day one. And it made me write a little one-shot to go with

Did it come easily or was it hard to create?

It was the first time I tried to draw a lily. So that was a bit of an adventure. The baking of the mug to fix the colour was a bit nerve-wrecking too as I feared it would break in the oven. But it all worked out just fine :)

Last ao3 fic you commented on? It's been a while since I read ffs. I've been on a "sports guys hooking up and finding love" binge read lately, so I've read about ten books or so in the last few months and not a single ff. O.o

The last comment I wrote that got a reply was Evie's "When you say nothing at all"

Biggest WIP heartache you’ve ever experienced? I don't really read WIPs since my early fandom days and getting burned by them. But that's about half my lifetime ago and I can't remember a specific story.

So I'll say all the WIPs in my doc drafts and especially the three collabs that I was super excited about my writing partner(s) weren't and they never even took off or got abandoned quite early on.

Favourite trope or head cannon you like included in a fanfic?

Oh, so many! Any and all AUs - as I love to see them find each other in every universe.

Soulmate!Aus especially. Hurt/Comfort. Pining! Long burn! Yes! Give me all the delayed gratification and the good stomach tingles from it!

Least favourite? Break-Up/Second chance fics, probably. I'm all about them getting together the first time and then hopefully living their happily ever after.

Also sick!fics and character deaths. Real life got enough of that. I don't want to read it in my escape media as well.

Secret or surprising kink or trope?

From hand holding to monsterfuckery - I'm a pretty open book when it comes to my kinks, I think. No secrets to uncover here.

Describe how you feel after you’ve created something new?

Elated. Happy. Nervously excited. Eager to share it.

Top hype man you have that always helps you get across the finish line:

Time pressure and a sense of responsibility.

Works for my work writing, works for fun writing. It's also probably the only reason I still remember to write a Galladrabble each week. XD

And getting a good response to what I did. Serotonine works wonders for my motivation and creativity.

It's been a bad day, you turn to the fandom and you _____? Scroll through tumblr. Look at amazing pretty art and send my faves to people who I know share my love for it.

[pookiebearmick]

weekly tag wednesday 👀🌈❤️✨

thanks bbs for the tags!!! @gallapiech @spookygingerr @thepupperino @jrooc 🥰🥰🥰

Name and ao3 handle: Deckard, pookiebearmick

Current Location: My home!! 👏

Favourite thing you’ve created (or seen created) for the fandom? One day I will make little fanart but for now I've only written a few things and made a couple of gifsets hehe, I like this little ficlet I wrote and this gifset I made!! ✨ (if u wanna send me a prompt i would write some shit for you OR if u have some scene(s) you want a gif of i might be down for that - send me an ask!)

Why is it your favourite? I love fluffy shit and I think Ian hiding in the pool is SO funny (plus I hadn't seen a "pls Mick" gif and I needed it lol)

Did it come easily or was it hard to create? I feel a mix LOL gifs take so long and the most frustrating thing for me is always having too big of file sizes to actually upload them on this godforsaken website 😭

Last ao3 fic you commented on? Okay look I am SO behind on reading any fics, I've been in a "I don't wanna read" mood lately so I've mostly been listening to little YouTube vids or watching Shameless clips when I would usually be reading so I think it might be what do you know? by @em-harlsnow (so cute btw, def worth the read) 🥰

Biggest WIP heartache you’ve ever experienced? I'm with Pie on this one, Things Beyond Mistake by Grayola lives RENT FREE in my head 24/7 my god.

Favorite trope or head cannon you like included in a fanfic? Big fan of fluffy soft husband shit, enemies to lovers, slowburn, and slice of life 🌈❤️

Least favourite? I don't love the omegaverse stuff lol, just not my thing!

Secret or surprising kink or trope? I don't think so? I don't know that I'm very secretive with the things that I enjoy reading LOL

Describe how you feel after you’ve created something new? I feel pretty energized for a bit and super excited about the thing, but then mostly just like relief at finishing a task TM (even if it's not a required thing but just a personal "I wanna do this" thing)

Top hype man you have that always helps you get across the finish line: I'd say my partners 🥰

It's been a bad day, you turn to the fandom and you _____? Play snails in the Discord server lol I love that stupid little game. If I'm really feeling the bad day I'll either find a comfort fic (thank u Boy Best Friends by @whatthebodygraspsnot and from way up there (you and i, you and i) by @sam-loves-seb or if i'm feeling something longer Suncatcher by @wehangout) ✨

anyways i've yapped long enough lol, tags below the cut!

if you wanna!! (sorry if you've been tagged/posted already i've only been on for a bit and might not have seen your post yet hehe) @heymrspatel @mickeym4ndy @burninface @rxinbowwparadise @twinklyylights @transsexual-dandelions @transmurderbug @celestialmickey @gardenerian 🥰🥰🥰 also if u weren't tagged at all this is ur tag!!! i'm missing so many people lol

[zelandiangelo]

🦈 🏷️💌 for the fic ask game!! (o^▽^o) <3 

hiiiiiiiii! <333 thank you for asking hehe \o/ hope you're doing well!!

🦈 Which character is the toughest to write?

You know it's funny that you ask because getting into a character's head is actually one of my favorite things about writing! I usually don't have an awful lot of trouble with it unless I've started with an idea that I'm not as interested in as I thought.

So, there's probably been other times that I struggled but the one that I remember the best is Kaeya from Genshin LOL. I was never so super into Gempact but for a while I was playing it w my friends bc it was a Group Activity so I ended up writing a fair bit of fic just because I was so plugged into it. I stalled out on a fic from Kaeya POV that I was writing that I ended up wrapping up at what felt like it Could Be a stopping point and just posting what I had. The trouble with him, I think, is that he has this mysterious backstory that informs his character that's alluded to in events, objects around the world, etc, but I hadn't really gotten an understanding of that backstory. (I could have looked at the wiki I guess but I prefer to use the wiki to confirm stuff that I already knew or look up little bits of trivia; it doesn't feel right to learn everything about a character in a wiki review that might leave out important story or emotional context.)

THIS GOT LONG LOL tl;dr I was writing a lot of genshin fic even though i'm not really built to be a Gacha Lore Understander so i had some trouble with Kaeya!

🏷️ Is there a tag you like to search for when looking for fanfics to read?

>///<

i like sickfic hahaha;;;;;; if I'm being so real unless I get really extremely into something (eg. KNB or Yugioh) sickfic is the ONLY kind of fic I'll even read LOL. I've also written a lot of it myself, when I first got into fic writing I wrote it pretty much exclusively.

I didn't think this was gonna be a long answer but now i wanna talk about it LOL. I just think that when a character is ill (or injured tbh) the Vulnerability that it forces them into can be a really interesting trigger for changed character dynamics. You can have a standoffish or antagonistic character unwillingly in this position be treated gently, with kindness, and soften some of their relationships; alternatively, you can have their soft side come out if they're confronted with someone ELSE being vulnerable. You can have a character who tries to do Everything have to ask for help, you can have just plain fluff between characters with an established good relationship... it's even ok if characters act a bit out of character bc you can blame it on delirium LOL.

Essentially, unless you're getting really funky with it (which you can and it's fun!) a lot of sickfics follow a similar structure/set-up (character gets sick, character deals with being sick, other characters find out character is sick, they are now also dealing with it). Plot and structure is something that I still struggle with even now that I've stepped outside of writing sickfic exclusively, so at the time that I started writing, sickfic offered something of a baseline for me to write what I was really interested in (character dynamics) without having to think too much about the structure! Also it's fun haha >_< even though I've branched out I definitely still favor them quite a bit LOL

sorry for writing u a sickfic essay i am really Normal about it

💌 Is there a favorite trope you like to write?

OMG I WROTE ALL THAT ABOVE AND NOW IM LIKE WHAT DO I SAYYYYYYY I THINK THE ANSWERS ARE THE SAME LOL

let's see. Sickfic Good for the reasons outlined above. I enjoy writing polyamory quite a bit too (character dynamics are so fun!!) but I don't write it as frequently as I'd like bc not all characters are built for it and it can get a bit complex besides.

OH. OH OH OH. teachers/mentor figures. my favorite fic that i've ever written is shockingly not a sickfic: it's called I Accidentally Fell In Love With My Childhood Friend The King And Now My Students Are Also My Sons!? and it's for one of my most favorite animes ever, Oushitsu Kyoushi Haine (The Royal Tutor). (I thought the silly light novel title was funny LOL)

The entire premise of the show is just This Guy Is An Extremely Good Teacher For These Four Misunderstood Students which like. Is lab-grown to be like catnip to me RAAAAAHHHHHHH i've watched the show twice through and cried at the end both times. Anyway. The fic I wrote is technically a ship fic between the royal tutor himself (Heine) and the king (Viktor) who hired him to teach his sons (they get married in this fic hehe >w<), but the focus is really on Heine's relationships with his students, and how they handle their favorite (only) teacher getting married to their father.

I feel like these descriptions don't do the anime or my fic justice LOL all I can really say is that as someone who works with children the anime really touched me and it felt so permeated with genuine love and care for students who are left behind and for teachers who see those students and put in the work to help them. and as for my fic well. now that you've reminded me of it i think i will reread it SKJKDFJSDKFJ

I HOPE THESE PARAGRAPHS ARE OKAY THANK YOU FOR ASKING ME QUESTIONS I REALLY LIKED THESE! YOU ARE VERY COOL!

[its-all-papaya]

FIC WRITER INTERVIEW

ty for the tag @bright-and-burning booping u like a tumblr cat paw

How many works do you have on AO3?

uhhhh six if you count the lestappen i put on anon and the comp thing that's just a collection of kiss prompt fills that did not become their own fics

What's your total AO3 word count?

35,045

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

even if it ends (460)

anybody, nowhere (319)

the devil in me (310)

gentle with the ache (236) i am this fic's deadbeat dad like i'm not going to pretend i didn't write it but you can only interact with it if ur gonna be nice bc it makes me want to scream cry & throw up

the hollow hereafter (217)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i literally respond to every single comment ! if i don't know what to say i will think of something ! comments literally keep me alive. like i joke about writing for attention but genuinely the thought of receiving comments and reblog tags is what keeps me going on my wip's. i have the biggest praise kink that has EVER existed and god knows nobody is praising me for anything ever in my real life, so i gotta take what i can get. it's insane that real people read my words and have enough thoughts about them to like... type those thoughts out. so i must thank every individual person with a heart and a virtual kiss on their head.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

even if it ends for suuuure. i had people threatening self-harm in the ao3 bookmarks of that one in a loving way, and that's without even knowing about the rich inner life that i didn't expand on the way i originally planned to. in my brain, oscar has already decided to leave mclaren by the time the events of that fic happen bc their teammateship has gotten so self-destructive, so lando's "you can't stay" and oscar's "i know, but i want to anyway" is so much more knife-to-the-heart than y'all even realize.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

uh. i don't really want to count the kiss prompts because they don't really exist to me as fic, so... anybody, nowhere i guess? the devil in me is not NOT happy. can i cheat and say dad lando even though it doesn't actually exist yet?

Do you write crossovers?

no jesus christ i can barely write characters outside of oscar and lando (and apparently max fewtrell according to like two people). adding in even MORE variables is making me nauseous just thinking about it.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

"hate" is a strong word but there is a reason that my lestappen is on anon now.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i do write it sometimes, but not very successfully (glaring at u lestappen garbage). i have two landoscar wip's that are basically pwp, but i just don't really think i'm good at smut, so idk if they'll ever go anywhere for real. the pacing is simply so impossible to me. like how soon is too soon to have an orgasm. also like 90% of my writing is just knockoff versions of my own emotions from various points, and so as someone who only hooks up with people for reasons not really related to actually getting off, i find it really really hard to write the build-up and come-down from smut WHILE ALSO really struggling with the actual acts. like what are normal people's brains doing before during and after making someone come? bc i guarantee it is not what my brain does. it just doesn't really compute unfortunately.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don't think my fics have existed long enough to be stolen tbh.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

no

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no but i wrote literally millions of words while roleplaying in any number of ships back in the day.

What's your all-time favorite ship?

i think probably steve/bucky of the marvel universe? i don't really fw it much at this exact moment because endgame literally ruined my life for a bit, but that's probably the ship i've enjoyed the most over the years.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

honestly all of my wip's outside of dad lando and that nutcracker thing i'm definitely not writing shhh. I will fight shave fic eventually i think. the wip that's absolutely never getting finished the most securely is the fake dating thing based on that kiss prompt i filled in like july. like it's a 50k concept that i have like 5k worth of motivation for.

What are your writing strengths?

um. i think just, like. prose that sounds nice? i think i did a good job putting readers inside of lando's head in anybody, nowhere, so i'd say i'm occasionally good at translating emotion/headspace too. actually i'll go ahead and say that about all of my published landoscar, because i think that's even if it ends' strength too. dad lando is less that way, but it has other things going for it.

What are your writing weaknesses?

i'm really really mean to myself, so it's hard to pick just one. i'm bad at writing characters distinctly i think. like i just make them do things based on what feels good in my brain and just hope that y'all don't think they're OOC, but whenever i stop to think "what would oscar say here?" it's like... blank. bc i don't know. and it's really MUCH worse with everyone outside of landoscar. i also don't think my pacing is very good and i get hung up on details people won't care about and also i have a compulsive need to make EVERYTHING a metaphor. i'm going to stop there bc insecurity isn't very cute but i also over-edit and introduce too many threads and i could literally go on all night

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i don't honestly see the point? because either you provide a translation, which defeats the purpose, or you don't, which makes it a secret for some readers but NOT the ones who speak the language in question. i'm spoiled by native-english-speakers landoscar as my primary ship, but i think if i ever wanted to write a convo between like. charles and pierre, ig, i would just write it in english and be like "they said in french" afterwards of smthn, idk. i think the only time i've written in not-english is that lestappen "after a long wait" kiss prompt and it was like a language device (haha) and not dialogue.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

i've only ever published on ao3 for F1. way way back i used to fill prompts on tumblr for one direction, which was the first fandom content of any kind that i wrote. the first actual fanfic i ever typed into a word document was finnpoe from the star wars sequel trilogy. so depends how you wanna define!

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

i got really really spooked by my lestappen adventure because it actually broke my brain for a bit, so now i'm scared to write anything but landoscar. i think the most likely non-landoscar ship i'd write is maxiel, probably? i saw them across the bar and loved their vibe. daniel feels kind of impossible for me to write though so idk if i ever will.

What's your favorite fic you've written?

anybody, nowhere i think, because i think it's the most complete thing i've done. i also really love how even if it ends turned out too, which is crazy bc i haaaaated it mid-writing process. i think it feels really like... i don't know. gritty? messy in a way that makes it authentic? idk how to describe. i think even if it ends has my favorite characterizations i've written for both lando AND oscar. but anybody, nowhere is my firstborn and i treasure her, so. yeah. tie, maybe.

tagging @fear8not1 (i know ur like. not on tumblr. but in case u would like to) and @volantium !!

[beansterpie]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

Thanks for tagging me @marley-manson! <3

I would tag people but it's late and my brain is tired so literally, PLEASE just adopt this tag meme if you see it and read the whole thing. You have my full permission to say I tagged you, even if we've never spoken lol. Go for it, be audacious.

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

43,487!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Well the posted fic is a Berserk fic, but I have various other wips that I pick away at when I'm bored. Among them include Eyeshield 21, MDZS, RotE, Harry Potter (technically?). Those are the most recent ones anyway.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Chain of Dissent, she's my favorite fic <3 (she's my only fic)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yeah I try to! Though I'll admit uhhhh I haven't updated it in... fucking? two years? god, and so I've been bad about responding to the more recent comments because I feel guilty for not updating in so long :') Really gotta get back to it.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

None, because I haven't finished a fic yet lol

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not so far! I've gotten a couple of comments that come across as unintentionally mildly rude, but definitely nothing that constitutes as hate.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Well not so far in CoD, but, ahem, I have written smut in one of my wips lol. Deeply self indulgent but I guess character driven? It's mildly nasty and desperate <3

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven't actually written a crossover (yet. well, recently) but they are a bit of a passion of mine lmao. I love ridiculous crossovers, and I'm talking about "a magical portal opens up and throws characters from fandom A into the world (& characters) of fandom B" type shit. I don't need the ways in which the characters interact to make sense, I just want them to be thrown together and see where it goes from there. Fish out of water shenanigans! Characters questioning their own motivations and idea of life by seeing a world entirely different from theirs!! Just like, fun shit! I also absolutely don't need for the two fandoms to be similar lol. I have a somewhat detailed Berserk/Eyeshield 21 crossover living rent free in my head so clearly anything goes.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Lol no.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I'll probably have to say GriffGuts, because it's a ship that's gripped me by the neck for the past 7 years or something, where my interest in it hasn't really waned.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Uhhhh, idk? I mean I am DETERMINED to finish CoD, so that's out. And the wips I write in my spare time are just like, things I do for fun where I don't put any pressure on myself over it. I'm not planning on posting them anywhere, and I'm not generally planning on 'finishing' them either. I mean if I do finish one, I might post it, but again, they're low key things that I'm not taking too seriously.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Hm. I honestly don't consider myself a very strong writer, at least in terms of things like prose and sentence structure, grammar, that sort of thing. I think I'm pretty decent at figuring out the direction that I want the story to go, and all the individual steps that need to happen to get to that point in a way that feels organic (at least, imo.) And I like to think I'm pretty good at characterization-- having the characters behaving and reacting in ways that feel like could concievably happen in canon is generally what I'm going for.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Yeah prose, lol. I mean, I don't actually dislike my more.... utilitarian writing style, mainly because I generally prefer reading more direct writing (unless the lyrical writing is really really good), but I do think I could inject some more illustrative details and metaphors into my writing overall. @marley-manson is SO good at coming up with perfect metaphors to describe a situation or feeling, all while perfectly recreating the character's voice, and I really admire that about her writing!

I also want to get better with having characters like, doing things while they're talking. I find a lot of the conversations I write happen between characters just kind of standing around, which obviously is fine but I'd like to construct scenes with a bit more specificity in the future.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Wait so like, say in a fic that is otherwise written in English, having a line of dialogue written in Spanish when a character is speaking it? I... don't have strong feelings about it one way or the other I guess lol. I mean ideally the line(s) written in the other language are correct lol, and not just badly google translated or something.

Though you know, now that I think about it, I feel like it would work best between languages that use the same alphabet (which does end up narrowing the possible languages down quite a lot) because that way the reader can still sound out the dialogue even if the don't understand the language, which could emulate what the pov character is experiencing. Whereas if it was a fic written in English, and then had a line written in, say, Japanese, the reader wouldn't even be able to sound it out so it's kind of a brick wall. (Unless there's footnotes, but that tends to be a little more clunky in fic than in a published book with pages).

If the readers are supposed to understand the dialogue written in another language, like two characters suddenly start speaking in said other language and we're meant to keep up with the conversation, then I feel like it's just easier to translate their words in whatever language the fic is written in otherwise.

But yeah idk, I think with intent and good execution, anything can work, but it could also be done in a way that's more annoying than anything.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I think. It was neopets LMFAO. I remember writing a fic when I was like 10 about Hannah (the adventurer) and Jacques (from the maraqua plot comic) as a romantic couple because I was annoyed at the time that there were multiple fics about Hannah and Garin (or whatever his name was, also from the maraqua plot) getting together even though I thought Garin was BORING and they were just shipped together because they were both usuls (which are overrated imho), even though Jacque was obviously better.

... I may have had a crush on Jacques.

But the first fic that I think I posted anywhere was for Xiaolin Showdown lmfao, probably also when I was 10 or 11 or something. I wrote like four separate fics for that show.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Yeah it's CoD lol. It's the longest thing I've written so far, and I'm overall still very proud of it. I'd probably go back and change some things in the first chapter because it reads a little clunky and like, abrupt to me now, but I'm not doing that until I finish the fic. Allowing myself to go back and edit stuff before I've even finished the story seems like a road to ruin lol.

[vacantgodling]

hi hello i just wanted to drop by and say that i still think fondly about that poem you wrote and used for a last line tag back in october literally all the time. it's stuck with me better than any other poem i've ever read and i want you to know that <3

i hope u have a good rest of ur day <3<3<3 i am sending good vibes (including mint gum vibes) and possibly a hug or high five in ur direction

i kept this in my inbox for a really long time just to hold onto it and remind myself that my work can touch people. i am gonna stick this in my hall of fame tag but pax you don't know how much this means to me, thank you <3

[teddypoi-qd]

20 Questions for Writers

eeee thanks for the tag @fuckyeahfang!! <3 i'm gonna tag @maraschinomerry if u wanna (no pressure tho!)

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 31! Dang I've been writing fic for a second and a half huh (Note: one of these fics is not mine lol -- I posted it for a friend without AO3)

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 77,138 -- waough

3. What fandoms do you write for? Whatever's rotting my brain most at the moment -- I had a long streak of Critical Role, which went into TMA, and I have a feeling Dunmeshi might get a few fics by the time it's done with me; also original stuff but I don't post that

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

My Lightbringer - 4,891 Hits, Critical Role

[incoming communication] - 3,018 Hits, Lifeline

little blue pills - 2,919 Hits, The Magnus Archives

The Hands-On Approach To Teaching Dunamantic Spells: A Guide by Essek Thelyss (Results may vary) - 2,271 Hits, Critical Role

Shitty Hair - 1,190 Hits, My Hero Academia

5. Do you respond to comments? I try, I really do, but sometimes I'll see one and be like "I'll reply to that later!" and then I don't and then it's been 2 years and I feel bad for replying so late that I just don't 😭 But I do read and appreciate them all I prommy

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? this would require me to finish fics EVER lmao... but seriously probably (Don't) Look Away. Do NOT read this if you haven't played Outer Wilds, but DO go and play Outer Wilds, and THEN read this.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Probably [incoming communication]? It's definitely the ending I'm most proud of -- it's very self indulgent, but I'm fond of it :"

8. Do you get hate on fics? nah people tend to be chill

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Sometimes, but not often, and I post it even less often. I prefer reading it to writing it, but I do like tossing around ideas I'll never write about the characters' weird and intriguing kinks lmao

10. Do you write crossovers? I don't tend to, unless they're incredibly funny to me. Reading-wise, crossovers just annoy me because there's 2x the chances for mischaracterisation/misunderstanding of the setting(s), but sometimes a really good one can scratch my brain.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? not to my knowledge!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Not into another language, but I have had a podfic made of Cabin Fever -- which was great since it was a scriptfic anyway! It's really well made, go give it a listen!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Quite a few! Not in a while, but it's fun to work with someone whose brain ticks in synch with mine about a character or ship. I actually started dating my current partner in part because we were talking about a fic we wanted to write together! We'll get to it one day, and get sooo much hate about it it's quite fucked up LMAO

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? MAN. YOU CAN'T ASK ME THIS. it's like picking children. uhhh Shadowgast (Critical Role) is up there for All Timers but they are def not the only one. Probably the one I've thought most about, but now I'm thinking about Blupjeans (TAZ)... JMart.... augh. i love when people love each other despite the very terrible consequences

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? little blue pills! It's a fun concept -- I love fucking with the very rubbish trope of soulmate AUs and making them Weird and Queer, but I am not great at finishing projects and I have also cooled slightly on TMA since I started it.

16. What are your writing strengths? big emotions! being purple prose but like good about it! Weird People.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? finishing things, plotting, writing convincing dialogue -- yknow, just little things (🥲)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? It can be done well, but it needs to be considered deeply. Also, used sparingly. I like throwing in terms of endearment in other languages, but when it's whole conversations, it's not fun to be checking google translate/the AN every five seconds.

19. First fandom you wrote for? the first one that's still up? Layton Brothers! the first ever? harry potter 😔

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? i hate favourite questions i hate favourite questions uHHHHHH You Were My Conscience. fucked up monster lovers trying to moralise their way out of being responsible for a man's mental breakdown <3

thanks again for the tag sunny i love u mwah

[spikybanana]

fic writer tag game

@to-proudly-go thank u for the tag pal <3<3 (I very definitely love your poetic angst & your art)

How many works do you have on ao3?

25 :) 15 for hp and 10 for star wars

What's your ao3 word count?

144,107!

What fandoms do you write for?

hp and star wars, though I've definitely brought the marauders fandom habits (delusional obsession w main character's dad and his best friends) straight to the prequels

What are your top five fics by kudos?

"trust" the inscription said (hp/wolfstar)

then he came home (hp/wolfstar)

don't let's die as heroes (hp/jegulily)

the prophecies spoke of you and I (sw/obikin) (which is also my most recent work, so it's crazy to me that it's up here)

slipped back in (hp/wolfstar)

Do you respond to comments?

I always do eventually!! even if it's the smallest comment I like to send a smiley face in reply. It's just that I might take forever coming up with what to say, especially for the super nice ones ;3;

What's the fic you write with the happiest ending?

hmm I'd say don't let's die as heroes for the marauders (literally turns 3 canonical funerals into a wedding) and Designation for obikin. & I usually write happy endings (minus canon fics) even if they're more "the future is uncertain but bright" rather than happily ever afters

Do you get hate on fics?

none so far! & they better not because if I do get hate I will cry

Do you write smut? What kind?

listen. listen. this is a whole Thing. as your neighbourhood ace, smut is like science fiction/horror to me. which is to say I have written both mlm and wlw sex scenes lol. it happens very rarely, but it has happened before & will happen again.

Do you write cross-overs?

I hope you know that I'm constantly thinking about how sirius/remus and anakin/obi-wan are homomorphic creatures and I really want them to meet. but also, so far, no. except if you count the wolfstar sw au sitting in the docs.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not afaik!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

not afaik either!

Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

I don't think so, but I would absolutely love to try

What's your all time favourite ship?

wolfstar and obikin are the same ship actually, so both. (unserious)

What's your WIP you like to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I read back on What You Will earlier today and scared myself so possibly that. (it's a jegulily parody of Shakespeare's twelfth night, and has already been rewritten from scratch twice, so maybe mayyybe there's a sign)

What are your writing strengths?

errrrr. occasionally poetic-ish description? I like writing pretty vibes. and occasionally punchy-feely stuff. where you stand above & survey a life through tiny poignant snippets far apart. quite a few of my fics are like that

What are your writing weaknesses?

so many. definitely more than I'm aware of too. I feel I'm awful at pacing & easily get bogged down in tiny details, which is why long fics have not worked out for me lol. It's also hard for characters to feel real to me, like I'd just stop in the middle of a story and think "my darling I do not understand you at all"

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I definitely love when I see them, but I've not tried it myself. it feels impossible to merge Mandarin and English in a way that feels natural (or write it down in English characters), even though come to think of it I do it with my brother all the time. huh.

First fandom you wrote for?

drarry! and I still wanna go back sometimes

Favourite fic you've ever written?

awh but I always like them better before they're words on the screen/on ao3. ideas are just pure vibes and potential yk? rather than a dozen annoying imperfections you're not good enough to fix. lol sorry, if I have to pick, Once Upon a Green Haze. it's unfinished & only has 3 chapters for now, but I like them.

I've seen this going around the dash for a while now, so open tag :)

[piease-iove-me]

can u answer all of them????

omg! i wasn't expecting this but happily! thank you!!!

When did you start writing? How?

. mmm i think it was about 2018? around that time i started trying my hand with writing small drabbles for this au on here

2. Has your writing changed over time?

. it has!!! incredibly so! especially lately since i've started writing for the tw fandom. though i still have a long way to go TT

3. Do you read your own fics?

. mmmm depends? i mostly do to see what's going on and if it's making any sense. rarely just for the sake of it

4. Do you write every day? If so, do you have daily goals?

. i have taken a break from writing regularly the past couple months. but before that? especially since i was in this twt fix exchange, i wrote a minimum of 2/3k words per day, 5k on my free days TT i kind of miss those times.

5. Do you plan? Or do you “wing it”?

. winging it gives me incredible amounts of anxiety. so yeah. i totally plan plan plan until i can find no hole anymore. chances are there will be some anyway but at least i can fool myself

6. If you plan, what does your planning process look like?

. mostly i go with an idea, that's often just a scene or short dialogue and then i try see how everyone got to that place. and from there i fill in all the holes that inevitable form. i don't stop planning/start writing until all my own nagging questions are answered. if i end up stuck, i drop the idea :') i'm kind of a perfectionist so... couldn't do otherwise TT

7. How would you describe your writing style?

. oh uh... idk??????

8. Have any comments/tags/responses on a fic of yours ever made you laugh, cry or both?

. mmm laugh yes, quite some, actually. and i'm so thankful for them? funny comments are just such a balm to the soul sometimes

9. Have you ever made yourself laugh with something you’ve written?

. omg yes TT but i can have quite some very dark humor so i'm not gonna expose myself and say what did the trick TT

10. How many unfinished works are in your drafts?

oh good god. i know for sure it must be about 30, afraid to check the actual number though TT and that would be without counting the scribbled away ideas i have collected in my notes (20 last i checked) and docs TT

11. Do you write for yourself, or for the readers?

. thankfully, i started to mostly write for myself. or rather, i write what i want and hope people will like it, but either way i know my story won't be molded by others' likings and wants. so that's a good enough compromise/achievement imo

12. Do you feel pressured to write some days?

. i used to. especially when writing for my previous fandom cause of all the pressure to update. but now? here? not really, it'a all so chill and nice i can take it slow

13. Multichapter fics or one shots?

. admitting most of my works start as one shots, i can't do one shots. once i go past the 20k mark ik i'm screwed. but! sometimes i make them 30k-isk one shots and say fuck it overwhelming lengths :')

14. Do you take requests?

. would love to! but anxiety and low self-esteem don't really work in my favour here

15. Angst or fluff?

. angst! tho i'm never sure how much of what i write actually is angst? let's say it feels more something like hurt/comfort

[insectsys]

Get to know 9 people ask game

Tagged by: @teddytoroa (Thank you!)

Last song listened to: Hot Faced - Margaux (Now I'm thinking about it... Eli if you're reading this, this is sort of a Sybelle song)

Currently watching: Killing Eve (I've seen all the other shows with toxic gays so it's time to complete the lineup. Liking it so far but I don't watch TV very often so it's taking me a long time)

Currently reading: Rhythm of War by Brandon Sanderson. Fourth in a series with some outstanding worldbuilding. I'm also reading a bunch of essays on different iterations of the Faust myth and portrayals of the Devil in Victorian literature for my Masters dissertation.

Sweet/spicy/savory: Teddy wrote "why are we pitting three bad bitches against each other though theyre girlfriends and kissing" and he was so right for that. But gun to my head I'd have to say savoury

Current obsession: The Vampire Chronicles. I literally think about these insane little bisexuals constantly. Also I'm going through a bit of a Christian theology hyperfixation and I'm also thinking constantly about my party of OCs in my girlfriend's homebrew Dungeonworld game and the insane story we've got going on. It's the best campaign I've ever been in hands down and my sweet son Lariat is probably my favourite OC I've ever made

Relationship status: In a happy open relationship with my partner of 7 years!

Last thing I googled: Priscilla (2023). I saw a clip from it floating around and wanted to find out when it was in my local cinema. It looks very triggering/intense but I'm glad it's coming out especially with the overwhelmingly positive response to that romanticised Elvis biopic last year

Currently working on: The Master's dissertation I mentioned earlier. The title is Faust in the Victorian Imagination. I'm also working on several PhD applications!

Gonna tag: @autisticstannis @complicitsacrilege @eeriedeer @ldpdlesbian anyone else who sees this and thinks 'hey I wanna do that!' just pretend I tagged u. Also no pressure to the people I did tag!

[ardent-fox]

✨️ Interview Tag Game ✨️

Got tagged by the wonderful @creepkinginc and @look-i-love-u to do this interview game, thank you, my darlings! 🥰

What are some movie/tv quotes that you quote often?

"It's all happening!" Almost Famous

"Behind the rabbit?" Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Every iconic line from RuPaul's Drag Race

What is your favorite flower?

Tulips 🌷

If you were in Avatar the Last Airbender what element would you want to bend? Earth, fire, water or air?

I'm not really familiar with it, but I'm going to say water.

What was your first job?

Selling tickets for kids to ride these stuffed animals at the mall (they hop on the saddle and then the springs inside the legs make them go forward).

What is your favorite breakfast?

I rarely eat breakfast, but when I do it's usually chocolate granola with blueberries/bananas and almond milk. Or toast topped with whatever since I'm basically addicted to it, otherwise it's usually just lots of green tea 🍵

What's a meal from childhood that you love?

When I was little, my dad and grandpa would go fishing and bring back various itty bitty ones that my mom and grandma would fry up. They would be crunchy and salty and my mom would put pieces on the softest bread and interchange feeding my brother and I, those were the days.

What's your favorite joke to tell?

I love telling long, elaborate, filthy af jokes in my native language, most of them supplied to me by my dad, but I don't think they'd translate well to English.

What's your favorite animal to see at the zoo?

Otters 🦦💙 They're my favorite animal, I could watch them play for hours.

What's your go to quick meal to cook/make at home?

Fry up some eggs and add whatever I have around, I love breakfast food.

What's your go to meal to cook someone to impress them?

I'm not much of a cook and prefer to bake, so... some yummy chocolate chip muffins?

What's something you want to do better?

Manage my time.

If you're working do you like your job?

I am currently unemployed, hoping my next job will bring me my first truly affirmative answer to this question.

Do you collect anything? What?

Stationery and books. Also gonna say teapots, since I have six already 🫖

If you were trapped in a kids tv show, what show would you be okay with being trapped in?

I can't remember a single kids tv show I've ever been interested in? Except The Tribe, but my parents would be dead then, so I don't think that's a good choice.

An adults tv show?

I was just telling my husband how much I love the bar and the community in Smiley today, so I'm going to go with that one.

What kind of job did you want as a child?

Teacher, singer/songwriter or writer. Got to do the first one for a while and I've kept the others as hobbies, so not bad.

Do you follow any sports? What team do you root for?

I used to follow my local basketball team cause it's the biggest sport in my city, now I transform into a soccer fan every four years for FIFA (mostly for the social aspect of tipsy game-watching and celebrating) and then go back to being clueless about everything.

If you could be any animal what would you be and why?

My bunny. Eating and sleeping all day while others pet me and tell me how cute I am? Sign me up 🐇

If you could be any mythological creature what would you be and why?

A fairy/pixie. I'd love to be able to fly and explore every nook if I'm tiny, the aesthetic is an added bonus.

What's the most obscure thing you've had to google for a fanfic you were writing/reading?

Scaffolding and all its formations when I wrote about Mickey holding onto an overhead beam while he and Ian fucked in public 😅

What Milkovich do you identify with most?

Sandy. I feel like we have a similar energy.

Which one are you actually like the most?

I'd honestly say her again, don't think I'm like Mickey or Mandy that much and don't know the rest of them well enough to have an opinion.

What Gallagher do you identify with most?

Ian, through and through.

Which one are you actually like the most?

I'd say I'm a combo of Ian and Lip, since I experienced his pressure to go to college and I also have a tendency to be stubborn/self-destructive at times 🙃

Tagging @shinygalaxyperson, @sickness-health-all-that-shit, @vintagelacerosette, @metalheadmickey, @whatwouldmickeydo, @lalazeewrites, @shameless-notashamed, @heymrspatel, @gallawitchxx, @crossmydna, @lizelandre and anyone who sees this and would like to play! 💙✨️