#thank u Jeff for the lyrics here

[paleode-ology]

peter and steph: “if I loved you, I’d let you know”

also peter and steph:

- “you’re crazy about me >:)” steph maybe turn down the bedroom eyes

- “i only go on dates with guys who ask me out, which you’ve never done, BY THE WAY >:(“

- “I’m done” with what????? I thought you WEREN’T crazy about Steph? Isn’t that what you said, Pete? Pete?

- “You had to go and seduce [me]” hmm so you HAVE been seduced? Is that right?

- “who’s the victim when you shoot me looks?” okay so who’s obsessed with who again?

- “if I loved you like you should be loved” this is the most romantic thing anyone has said in the entire hatchetfield canon

- “babe” (which Steph calls Peter outside of the refrain btw. “you bet they can, oh babe, you bet they can”)

- “I need a lover Man” steph who was that for. if it was fanservice that’s fine

- “I mean we’re graduating anyway” so we ARE trying to make this work. Is that what you’re saying Pete

- “I’m a sapiosexual, you’re intellectual” say that again Steph. What was that. I thought you’d “never go for a geek who’d spend the prom in a stall”

- “I cut my lover losses when I can” isn’t the point of this song for you to convince him that he WASNT ever a possible lover. are you saying he could be, steph. Look me in the eyes, stephanie.

- *oh fuck oh shit we’re standing too close fuck can’t let you know I want to kiss you* THREE SEPARATE TIMES

- *both believe the other is using them*

- *dramatic circling each other, turning away before IMMEDIATELY turning back to face each other*

- steph very dramatically playing with her hair while avoiding eye contact looking VERY conflicted. keep talking girlie.

- *tries to let the other leave beanies first* this is chivalry guys. guys.

- tbh just the fact that the whole dialogue leading up is Steph accusing Peter of being in love with her while he proceeds to point out how she’s initiated literally every major interaction they’ve had. like go on girl keep digging yourself into this hole.

[stephaniebrownslover]

My Immortal(Worst Fanfic Ever) From Toby's POV//Chapters 2-11

Bro.

Bro. Ready for second wave of cringe fight @skullcfusher because it's all your fault.

Guys check his attack, it's very nice too.

And everyone say thanks to his awesome, full colored fanart

(I'm posting this here but I can remove ıf it's not okay)

Also I have an ask I want to answer but this cringe fight is occupied my brain and I'm sorry for that lovely person.

I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH

TW: self harm, smut, toby x jeff, offensive descriptions for actual satanist people, clockwork x jeff, some gross stuff at chapter 11, mentioned suicide attempt,

IT TURNED INTO A TOBY X JEFF AND PAST JEFF X CLOCKWORK GUYS I'M SO SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO I HAVEN'T PASSED SECOND CHAPTER AND I DIDN'T KNOW THE SHIP I'M SO SORRY

CHAT SHOULD I DO OTHER 3 PARTS OR NOT?????

Chapter 2

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!

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The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my short emo hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Kate (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her messy and untidy dark black hair with pink streaks and opened her chocolate-brown eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Jeff Da Griller yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Jeff?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Jeff walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well.... do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. 

...

Chapter 3

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I chew of my fingers. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale gray anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Jeff was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

"Hi Jeff!" I said in a depressed voice.

"Hi Toby." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

'"You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life." sang Joel '(I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Jeff, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Jeff looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Jeff sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little a." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Jeff. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Jeff and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Jeff didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into........................... the Forbidden Forest!

...

Chapter 4

AN: I sed stup flaming ok toby's name is TBOY nut marty syu OK! JEFF IS SOO IN LUV wif him dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

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"JEFF!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

Jeff didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Toby?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Jeff leaned in extra-close and I looked into his krill-ish red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.

And then............... suddenly just as I Jeff kissed me passionately. Jeff climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale gray body became all warm. And then....

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was............................................................. Slenderfuckingbitch!  

...

Chapter 5

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Slenderman swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!

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Slenderfuckingbitch made and Jeff and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted.

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. Jeff comforted me. When we went back to the castle Slenderfuckingbitch took us to Professor Maskussy and Professor Hoodieddude who were both looking very angry.

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor Hoodieddude.

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Maskussy.

And then Jeff shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HIM!"

Everyone was quiet. Slenderfuckingbitch and Professor Hoodieddude still looked mad but Professor Maskussy said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."

Jeff and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Toby?" Jeff asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out....

Jeff was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.  

...

Chapter 6

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!

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The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic girl with spiky brown hair with red streaks in it. She was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down her face and she was wearing black lipstick. She didn't have glasses anymore and now she was wearing red contact lenses just like Jeff's and there was no scar on her forhead anymore. She had a womanly stubble on her chin. She had a sexy English accent. She looked exactly like emo Tinker Bell. She was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw her kind of like an erection only I'm a boy so I didn't get one you sicko.

"I'm so sorry." she said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Glocky DA Work, although most people call me Vampire these days." she grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." she giggled.

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" she whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared.

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Jeff came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.

...

Chapter 7, Bring me 2 life

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Tony isn't a Marty Stu ok he isn't perfect HES A SATANITS! n he has problemz hes depressed 4 godz sake!

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Jeff and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Martu Stu 2 u?). I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in her depressed eyes. I guess she was jealous of me that I was going out with Jeff. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Jeff. We went into his room and locked the door. Then............

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)

"Oh Jeff, Jeff!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Jeff's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words............ Vampire!

I was so angry.

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Jeff pleaded. But I knew too much.

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!"

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Jeff ran out even though he was naked. He had a really small you-know-what but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Maskussy and some other people.

"VAMPIRE da WORK, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled.

...

Chapter 8

AN: stop flassing ok! if u do den u r a prep!

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Everyone in the class stared at me and then Jeff came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.

"Toby, it's not what you think!" Jeff screamed sadly.

My friend Nina Makes My Killer Obsessed smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length emo black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Jane was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Zalbitchmutherfuckerhoe killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Bro and not Hoe. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. )

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Maskussy demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Jeff!" I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped.

I don't know why Toby was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Toby) for a while but then she broke my heart. She dumped me because she liked Korra, a stupid preppy ATLA rip-off fucker. We were just good friends now. She had gone through horrible problems, and now she was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

"But I'm not going out with Jeff anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to Jeff and then I started to bust into tears. 

...

Chapter 9

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if Slenderfuckingbitch swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson slendy dosent lik Glocky now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX!

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I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Jeff for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Jeff.

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no bitches and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a single bitch (basically like Zalbitchmutherfuckerhoe in the font) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was...... Zalbitchmutherfuckerhoe!

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Zalbitchmutherfuckerhoe shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. Zalbitchmutherfuckerhoe fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.

"Toby." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Glocky!"

I thought about Vampire and her sexah eyes and her gothic brown hair and how her face looks just like Emo Tinker Bell. I remembered that Jeff had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Jeff went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?

"No, Zalbitchmutherfuckerhoe!" I shouted back.

Zalbitchmutherfuckerhoe gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Jeff!"

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Zalbitchmutherfuckerhoe got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Jeff!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Jeff came into the woods.

"Jeff!" I said. "Hi!"

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. 

...

Chapter 10

AN: stup it u gay fags if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok!

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I was really scared about Zlabitchmutherfuckerhoe all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Jeff, Benny boy (although we call him El Diablo now. He has yellow hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Trendermwah. Only today Jeff and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Jeff was probably Jeff The Kissing his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) or a steak) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my man boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a man slut but I'm really not.

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.

"Toby! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, Zalbitchmutherfuckerhoe came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Glocky! But I don't want to kill her, because, she's really nice, even if she did go out with Jeff. But if I don't kill Glocky, then Zalbitchmutherfuckerhoe, will fucking kill Jeff!" I burst into tears.

Suddenly Jeff jumped out from behind a wall.

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?)

I started to cry and cry. Jeff started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Slenderfuckingbitch walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache.

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Toby Jeff has been found in his room. He committed suicide by Jeff The Krilling his cheeks." 

...

Chapter 11

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me!

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"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself. Slenderfuckingbitch chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way.

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I chewed both of my hands. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit proxy ritual. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed... Mask was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Jackielyn was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks.

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.

"Abra Kedavra!" she yelled at Maskussy and Jackielyn pointing her womb. I took my gun and shot Maskussy and Jackielyn a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Slendyfuckingbitch ran in. "Toby, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Maskussy and Jackielyn and then he waved his wand and suddenly...

Trendermwah ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.

"What do you know, Trendermwah? You're just a little Hogwarts student!"

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT...." Trendermwah paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!"

"This cannot be." Mask said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Slendyfuckingbitch's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors."

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly.

Jackielyn held up the camera triumelephantly. "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!"

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.

"Why are you doing this?" Jackielyn said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.

"BECAUSE...BECAUSE...." Trendermwah said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.

"Because you're goffic?" Mask asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.

"Because I LOVE HIM!"

I'M CONFUSED AS HELL

[leave-your-body]

ALRIGHT I'M HERE TO RETURN THE GODDAMN FAVOUR!!!!!!

Are there any songs you'd recommend for the killjoys? I loved your response man you GET IT. I'm so glad you sent that ask

WELCOME!!!!!!!!!!!!! so glad u asked me this too. AND glad that you loved my response your songs were SO. GOOD. FUCK. HERE ARE MINE THAT I THINK ABOUT A NORMAL AMOUNT.

theres no i in team by taking back sunday GODDDD. best friend means i pulled the trigger. best friend means you get what you deserve. UHM I DUNNO HOW 2 EXPLAIN THIS ONE but theres something abt the fab four in there. "i started something i couldnt finish, and if we go down we go down together" I DONT KNOW i really dont u jsut have 2 trust me

teenager by jeff rosenstock, ITS SO KILLJOYS like jsut how the Live and Experience the world with each other. "i wanna yell at my friends sometimes/ sticking flowers in each others hair" and "i know that every moments fleeting, i know i have too many feelings"

infinity milk by dananananaykroyd YOUVE GOT BLOOD TO BLEED BUT WEVE GOT MOUTHS TO FEED.... WHEN A DOOR BECOMES A WAR (leaving battery city RAHHH) WE WIN WITH OUR EFFORTLESS STYLE

abra cadaver by the hives. this one is a little obvi. better living ind

MAYBE THIS IS CHEATING :( but veins! veins!! veins!! by frank iero. HEAR ME OUT. "though we barely survived i never felt more alive" AND "this bitter pill ive swallowed down is greeted by a poisonous smile, A CALCIFIED GUT!!! A CANCEROUS GUT!!! THE APPETITE TO GIVE UP!!!!!!!!"

permanent daylight by radiohead might ALSO be cheating. since it has such little lyrics. but i just feel like it was how poison felt in battery city before they ran away. if that makes sense. head on backwards...

so yr gonna have to bear w me on this one cuz i have a bunch of songs by one of my fav bands BUT you kindaaa have to use yr imagination. the connections are a bit abstract and the music itself is prolly an acquired taste BUT here we go. the wind and the weathervanes by johnny foreigner FEELS SOO KILLJOY TO ME like the scene that they play out in their lyrics... i can See it happening to the fab four i dunno. and then To The Death, something something the girl after they die. somethign. Choose Yr Side And Shut Up! is also killjoys but idk if that ones Too abstract to even make sense.... i feel like w this band its more abt vague Ideas than it is concrete lyrics and stuff..... so i cant tell if im the only one seeing the vision LOL

okay since that one was so all over the place, rebel girl by bikini kill. self explanatory. they are rebel girls

THOSE ARE THE MAIN ONES THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING ME!!!! I THINK ABOUT THEM 24/7. IS IT OBVIOUS.

[itsmelb]

2022 - the year I discovered BL!

(The master post no one needs but everyone gets anyway haha)

1. I fell in love with...the passion!

What you have to know about me is, that I love realness in series. Emotion vise. Like real anger, sadness and passion. I love it when you feel the chemistry. And it hit me like lightning when I saw MileApo play the Kinnporsche. If you know my blog you know that I wasn't interested in Asian TV/Music or anything related to such series. But I couldn't help myself (like many other people haha) bc of the sexiness of them boys (I mean look at them omg) and I fell deeper than I dreamed of.

2. I felt that...in my heart and soul!

It's no secret that I am obsessed with Kinnporsche. I fell in love with Mile at first sight. I love his old soul sm. And you never ever can oversee Apo with his tiny waist and bright aura. I struggled with Vegas at first. But Bibs had me from the moment I saw everything in his eyes. And him with Bui hits different. But now it's like Jeff Satur everywhere. And Barcode grew sm on me that I can't look away when they are together. And just like that all the boys grew on me like...like a family I might never see in person (sobbing) but I love them sm and cherish the moments through my phone. I don't know how you guys feel about this but it's just not explainable how much I could smile, cry and scream for them. My heart is full..

3. I feel like...I am stuck in a love circle!

And in this mood I came here. Tumblr. And the gate of BLs opened wide...haha. I got many recs. Like Cutie Pie, Lita, Unforgotten night, the eclipse, viseversa, between us,...or the slightly older ones like Tharntype, don't say no, 2gether the series... so much happend. It felt and still feels like a love circle (like the devils circle just with love haha). And the obsession grew so far that I couldn't and still can't focus on other series anymore. It's really bad. (..but so f***ing worth it!!)

4. Feeling...the music!

I love music. Show me a good sound and I am obsessed with it. And all the BLs have music! What a nice discovery! I fell for Jeff's voice like Lucifer from heaven. With no turn back. Hide isn't my most listened song of the year for no reason haha. And at all the send offs and tour and collaborations made me feel the Thai Music sm. I can't sing the lyrics well but I try haha. It was an eye opener for a new genre of feels. I especially love the rock versions of songs. The Tharntype theme song is really good also. (Give some recs pls if u know good songs though 😁)

5. ...and we all felt that!

I met @librariesperson here and we both knew that we share the same thoughts immediately. We joke that it's destiny. Kinnporsche did that. It gives us an obsession to share. Like we all are close friends. Like the cast is. And I just wish that we all stay together and be a Fandom they can be proud of. ❤️

6. I will still feel it...in the future!

I just became obsessed in the right time. The filmography and acting got better. The realness and passion on NC scenes are top tier. And it will get even better next year! The trailers of gmmtv, dmd are out and promising...and Boc hasn't even give us some trailers! The expectation is high. I am praying for a Jeffbarcode series. (With an happy ending ok!!!) And BBB will have projects. And MileApo for sure. And all the other ones. I just wanna see them happy. And Jeff will give us some good songs I know it just now...

...oh and @ all the writers of FFs. Thanks for your hard work. I/we see u. We love u. We don't know what we will do without u. Pls write more Kimchay pretty pls 🤞🏻😁🙏🏻

And that's my year with BL. My opinions. My wishes. And for the last one..

I wish you all a great new years eve! And a happy, healthy and lovely new Year 2023. Enjoy your time! See ya soon 🤞🏻💜

[xx-vergil-xx]

haelo once more. sharing thé hounds xxxvi playlist bcs. ough.

first off, vivos voco LISTEN. the watch inscription detail sent me into a fit bcs this is a song I’ve PERFORMED BEFORE,. that has that line in it. this line is approx where I broke down on the couch first (I was trying REALLY hard not to cry and it just. Broke)

Also fantastic atmosphere for the chap. secondly, dead voxel. aka desolation vibes straight from Minecraft music man himself c418

the divine comedy by Frums. Frums is one of my favorite sound designers of all time, andthe title and vibe fit here imo (actually also 32 and 33). listen to their other shit esp vignette album for more of the same (except swallow smoke and dropdead really, those are too intense.)

next, boreas by the oh hellos. if bitter water is the regular dreamling song this is hob post-wake. Waugh. Fire symbolism!!,

Last one and along the same vein, wishing well. running awayyyyyyyyy. this was playing thru the first half so the sound is now Ingrained into the chapter words.

thus concludes my auditory casing of the latest chap. PLS give us any songs u imagined for the chapters around 34 if u have any, I thrive on trading music tastes actually.

HELLO OH THANK YOU FOR THIS I LOVE MUSIC BOREAS ESPECIALLY PUNCHED ME IN THE GUT BUT THESE ARE ALL SO GOOD FUCK throwing these tracks into my big messy writing playlist full of all y’all’s recs <3 <3 <3

ch 34 vibes for me was actually me listening to the john coltrane/johnny hartman album on loop and also jeff buckley’s “grace” and “corpus christi carol”, which aren’t songs that necessarily lyrically align with anything but do have just. wonderfully melancholic emotional vibes that put me in the proper headspace

thanks for the ask and the songs!! they are truly a gift and i love them!!! <3 <3 <3

[dribs-and-drabbles]

🎶✨when u get this u have to put 5 songs u actually listen to, publicly. then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool)🎶 linnnnn as ever im nosy and wanna know 😂

Hej Jess! Thanks for this ask, I'm so happy you're nosy! Coincidentally, I've been compiling a top ten list of songs from bl shows (which I'll post at some point!), but this ask allows me to be a freer with my choices than that list, so I'm grateful for that.

Alright...before I start, I was a bit confused at the wording of the ask - I guess it means songs I listen to when other people might also be in hearing range, yes? Well, I don't usually listen to music when other people are around (social anxiety ftw) but sometimes it happens when I'm in work early in the morning and some of my colleagues also arrive early...so I'm just going to pick five of my favourite songs from the playlist I usually listen to (it's 8 hours long so there's plenty to choose from!).

In no particular order:

เอก - Season Five - from KinnPorsche - I think this is my fav song from the series (I know, even more than Why Don't You Stay). I love how soft it is, the piano melody, the way it pauses at 2:01...it's just a gorgeous song.

Why Don't You Stay - Jeff Satur - from KinnPorsche - Yes, okay, since I mentioned it, i guess I'll include it here. I love it, I love him, I love the choral build up at the end.

เพราะเธอ - Jeff Satur - from The Tuxedo - And since we're talking about Jeff... I haven't seen this series but I found the track from a rabbit hole I fell into listening to his songs. This one is so beautiful and his voice goes so high, I like to sing along but I have to drop an octave to do so 😂.

คลาด (Over the Moon) - Khaotung Thanawat - from The Eclipse - I don't actually have this one in my playlist yet since it's not on spotify yet...but when it is, it will be. I think this is a great song, smooth, soft, but with great rhythm changes.

When We Were Younger - Loving Caliber - used in Bad Buddy - And now for something a bit different... This song just Gets Me. It affects me more than any of the official ost songs from the series. It's something to do with the way they used the instrumental music during the tin can scene at the end of ep 12 and that the lyrics basically relate Pat and Pran's story. I love the piano, the violins, the lyrics, and how it invokes scenes from the series in my mind.

[stewyonmolly]

songs anon here

1. cradle you device: i thought this was a nice little tune. like sitting in a patch of sun or getting ur hair braided

2. jewel box: wow! ive listened to grace many times before, but i didnt know his label had released other stuff he was working on before he died. the song was so so pretty, v jeff buckley fashion, the lyrics were gorgeous also

3. misty blue: not really my jam. it was nice, but this style of music doesn’t really tickle my fancy

4. raghib: beautiful! im honestly very ignorant about music outside of the “‘“western canon’”” and my mums old latino records so this was fun to listen to. i loved the part at the end where everything kinda combined together. all of ur songs so far feel like a hug, very pleasing.

5. clumsy: i had literally never before heard of fergie and apparently shes the black eyed peas girl (??!?) cool i dk what to make of this song……. my feelings are neutral to mixed. i liked the spoken word bit in the middle tho

thank u for the songs <33

ill give u five songs if u want

1. he wants to know you - maja

2. ive been waiting for you - pixies

3. life and times - vending machine repairmen

4. spin spin sugar - sneaker pimps

5. i won’t hurt you - the west coast pop art experimental band

no pressure to listen to them though x

this is so funny. glad u listened i literally chose just random tracks i enjoy and ur answer inclines me to say ur open to experimenting more even if u haven’t so much before so i’ll casually drop my habibi funk (& similar styles) playlist & my italian classics playlist & i fuck severely with afro psychedelica too but haven’t started my own playlist yet so here’s a spotify curated one !

listened & the maja isn’t my style but i can imagine it’s fun & summery, pixies i already love & this song is no exception but i haven’t listened in a while so this was a good reminder, life and times i definitely would’ve liked when i was in high school, spin spin sugar i recognize but don’t think it was on any of my playlists so that was another good reminder, i won’t hurt you is very spacey good music to read to so that’s gonna hit my playlists too!

[brokensoundkuci]

Song of the Day (Day # 477)

✨ ✨ ✨

Song: LIKED U BETTER

Artist: Jeff Rosenstock

Album: LIKED U BETTER - Single

Year Released: 2023

https://jeffrosenstock.bandcamp.com/

Lyrics:

Creepin’ out the fog I start to sense that something’s wrong My heart is racing fast and beating out of time. Driving me insane, Why are you hardwired to my brain While I just skip along and tell myself I’m fine? I liked you better when you weren’t on my mind I liked you better when you weren’t on my mind Thought of you again and I don’t wanna tell my friends. Don’t wanna scare ‘em off and don’t wanna be judged But it’s so fuckin’ tiring being tired all the time With no indication that it’s ever gonna stop. It won’t let up. I liked you better when you weren’t on my mind I liked you better when you weren’t on my mind I don’t wanna concede that you’ll never leave Whether I like it or not I wish I was strong Can you just get the fuck out of here and let me get back to my day? Can you find another host on somethin’ and please be on your way? Thanks so much! TYSM!!!

[syd-adamu]

hi may! i got you for the lgbtqcreators gift exchange! i can't wait to make your set! here's some quick questions just so i can get a baseline to form an idea from!

do you have any favorite relationships/characters from stranger things, the good place, community, or schitt's creek?

what are some of your favorite taylor songs/are there any specific lyrics that just make you go AHHHHHHHH

what are your favorite color schemes/combinations?

i love your sets so much, the way you use color is so just,, yes,, AND UR TYPOGRAPHY!!! hope you're having a good day <3

oh hello!!! this is so fun :DD

i love the dynamics more than any individual character in the shows you've asked about so i'm just gonna tell you them: steve and the kids; the good place 4 and michael/janet; annie/troy/abed, jeff/the dean, and the whole gang; stevie/david, alexis/david, the roses, moira/anyone

my fav taylor songs are no body no crime, gold rush, and anything from 1989. i don't really listen to the lyrics jkdhsj but generally i've been enjoying 5sos5 and hozier's discography rn

i'm a sucker for pinks!!! every other colour is at the same level of interest to me tbh. i like monochromatic palettes and pastel shades tho :D

HGSJA thank u for the kind words you're so sweet <333 i'm excited to see what u come up with!!! i hope you're having a great day too :)

[moonchildstyles]

pearls

i haven’t written just a one shot in soooooooo long and esp not something that wasn’t an au so this was v different for me!! but i hope everyone likes it and is okay with me being a little different for now!! also just a quick preface,,,,, i obvi do not know alot ab the music industry or how making a song or album or tour or whatever work (if i did i wouldn’t be writing harry styles fic at 3am kijkijcdki) so just allow me some cReAtIvE liberties in the beginning pls. but anyway!!! thank u sm for reading and to whoever requested this about a year ago oof, sorry for any mistakes or anything and if u have any requests of ur own or anything u just want to talk about, send ur messages here!!

request: Hi!! I have kind of this idea for a series, like y/n being in the Band and Harry has had a crush on her for so long, i think the story would be cute! Hope u like it

wordcount: 10.5k+

—————

"Hi, I'm (Y/N)! It's an honor to meet you, Mr. Styles."

That's all it took.

That's all it took for Harry to become enamored with the bubbly little thing that came in to record some vocals for Fine Line(mainly on Treat People With Kindness, but he decided after he heard her demo he wanted a little bit of her everywhere). Jeff had brought her up as an option after hearing her on a couple of demos, saying that she had a similar voice to what Harry had described he wanted for the track. Harry rather quickly agreed, wanting more than anything to get everything on the track finished since it was getting closer and closer to when the album release date was slated. And Harry's starting to believe that that had been one the best choices he's made in a while.

Because now here she was, in a summery little romper with peaches printed on it and Harry can't take his eyes off her. Of course a voice as pretty as her's would be housed by someone that looked like that.

"'S nice to meet you, too. Call me Harry, please," Harry greeted, holding his ringed hand out for her to shake. He needed to be professional, he was technically her boss for the time being.

All (Y/N) did was smile back at him and take his offered hand.

Harry knew he had let the interaction go on a bit too long by the time Jeff had to clear his throat from beside him.

"You can go on inside the booth, (Y/N). I know we already discussed a bit of what Harry's looking for, but we'll play the track for you as it is so you can get a feel for it. Let me know whenever you're ready," Jeff directed, gesturing for (Y/N) to go ahead.

Harry nervously moved his hand to the back of his neck, a shy smile on his lips as a small okay left her before she turned her back to him to go into the booth. She slipped inside, giving the pair of them a thumbs up before Jeff pressed play and the song played through the large headphones over her ears.

Almost immediately Jeff turned pointedly at Harry. "What the fuck was that?"

"I-I don't know. I was jus' surprised, wasn't expecting her that's all," he stuttered, following Jeff as he took a seat in front of the soundboard. He absently adjusted the rings on his fingers, glancing his eyes towards the girl in the booth.

Jeff looked at him for a beat longer before shifting his eyes to (Y/N).

They had her listen to the track a couple of times, watching as she read over the lyric sheet and mouthed the words when she was meant to come in. Harry tried his best to look busy as he messed with his phone, reading through emails he had already read that morning in favor of facing Jeff and the pointed looks he was shooting him.

How could Jeff blame him, really? Harry was being honest when he said he wasn't expecting her to look the way she did; he wasn't expecting her to be the kind of girl he wasn't able to take his eyes off of. It wasn't even fair.

It's not even like anything was going to come out of it, anyway. Maybe a song or two will be written, but there's not much that can come out of a single recording session.

Eventually, (Y/N) gave Jeff the heads up to start recording, causing him to press a few buttons on the soundboard. Harry was finally able to shift his gaze to her again, hiding under the guise of work and not because he liked the way she played with the ends of her hair and moved along to the music as she sang.

They had gone through and recorded her lines for Treat People before moving on and having her add backing to several other songs including Adore you, Lights Up, and Golden. A few times Harry offered notes to her, asking for different notes to be hit and how to fit in better with the songs. She took everything with a sweet smile on her face and a quick nod of her head before moving into the song again. He never had to tell her the same note twice.

Too soon, the session came to an end, with each of her vocals added to the tracks Harry wanted her on.

She had hung the headphones back on the mic, exiting the booth. She entered the studio room, looking to Harry and Jeff with a hopeful smile on her face. "Was that alright?"

Harry didn't even know what to say; everything coming to mind seemed much too unprofessional and starting with the words "you're pretty".

Luckily, Jeff wasn't tongue-tied like Harry and easily slipped in to fill the awkward silence and stop the dampening of (Y/N)'s smile.

"It was perfect, exactly what we were looking for," he started, standing from his seated position in front of the booth. He shot a look at Harry, his jaw set in a silent scold for being so quiet.

Harry hastily followed, stumbling over himself to stand beside Jeff and talk to (Y/N) one more time before their moment was gone. "Y'were jus' what the record needed. Thank you, (Y/N)."

He kept his sentiment short, unable to come up with anything smarter to say when she looked at him like that; like she would have been happy to hear anything from him, no matter how short it was.

"Thank you for the opportunity. You don't even know what this means to me, Harry." Her smile somehow shone bright under the low lights of the studio.

Did this really have to be the last time he saw her?

Jeff then took over the rest of the conversation, knowing Harry was a moment away from rambling off on a single sentence that would somehow dominate the next five minutes if he didn't step in. Before Harry knew it, (Y/N) was shaking their hands one more time before saying her final goodbyes and leaving.

"Harry?"

"Hm?" Harry didn't move his eyes from the door, his fingers plucking at his bottom lip.

"I know I already asked, but what the fuck was that?"

—————

"I think I want her to tour with us, Jeff."

Harry was eating dinner with Jeff at Cafe Habana when he finally voiced the thoughts he'd been having the whole week since the album production had been wrapped up. Every time he listened to the tracks, especially on Treat People, he could pick out specific lines and riffs where he could hear (Y/N). It had been over a month since she had came in to record, and Harry was right when he thought he would write a song about her (it more so came up as a few lines here or there as he was much too busy to be writing at the moment), but he wasn't expecting her to still be invading his fleeting thoughts and lingering on the edges of his mind. He'd had a few momentary thoughts of adding her to the band lineup, usually pushing it away and reminding himself that he wasn't supposed to be so stuck on her anyway, let alone allowing her to go on the road with him.

But the idea just wouldn't wane; more often that not, while picturing the set up of the show and the stage direction he wanted, a seventh body was added to the lineup. And she was always positioned between Ny and Sarah, with her own mic stand and space to bop about as she had in the booth. He knew he needed to ask Jeff.

Harry watched as Jeff's brows raised while swallowing the bite he had taken just moments before.

"What?" he asked once his mouth was clear. Harry figured he maybe should have elaborated a little more.

"(Y/N), the one who recorded for Treat People and stuff, I think I want her to tour with us. Join the band line up, and everything," he explained, his fingers drifting to his HS rings and twisting them on his fingers.

"You sure, H? You've only met her once, and she only recorded small parts. Are you sure you want to bring her on the road?"

Harry knew Jeff's line of questioning was valid; some of those concerns were the biggest ones he had as well (how was he sure after an hour and a half that he wanted to spend the next however many months with her? Was it worth it bringing another person on the road for backing vocals and the chorus to one song?). But he decided they didn't matter to him. He knew that if these feelings were so persisting, the need to, at the very least, ask if it was at all possible to add her was something he had to do.

He had also reasoned with himself that this wasn't just an effort to begin a relationship with her, but he really loved her voice, too. She would add more to the show, especially when he wanted to dance around the stage while she sang the chorus for Treat People With Kindness. Not only could he spend time with her, but he wanted this tour in particular to be bigger and louder and even more fun and happy than the last. She would bring those exact elements.

"Yeah, I think so. I've been thinking about it a lot and I really think she would add something to the show, especially with Treat People. Y'know I like to prance," he assured, breathing a laugh towards the end.

"If you really think so, I trust you, H," Jeff started, a smile on his face, "I think we should talk to the others and see what they think, then we'll talk to her directly to see if she would even want to come. I'll handle everything else."

—————

In the days following, Harry called and talked to each of the existing members of the band. Everyone was more than okay with adding another person to the line up, Mitch and Adam ribbing him a little over the phone as they knew who this (Y/N) was from Harry's mentioning of her after the original studio time. The girls were happy to have another person there, especially to take care of the Treat People vocals as that already had their own things to be focusing on during the performance than to be catering to Harry's want to dance around the stage while someone else sang.

Now all that was needed was to ask (Y/N) herself.

Harry had requested (more like insisted, if Jeff had a say) to be the one to ask her. Unfortunately for him, by the time everything was in order, he was halfway across the country doing last minute promo and couldn't ask her face to face. So he settled for a phone call.

She picked up on the third ring, a soft Hello? sounding through the receiver.

"(Y/N), it's Harry," he greeted, "How are you?"

"Oh, Harry, hi! I'm doing good, thank you. How about you?" she reciprocated, Harry able to hear the smile he hadn't been able to shake from him mind.

"'M alright, thanks. Are y'busy?" Harry chatted, his fingers plucking at his bottom lip.

"No, I'm free. Did something come up with the songs?"

"No, love, they're still as perfect as the day we recorded," he laughed, reassuring her. "I actually wanted to ask y'something."

"Oh, what is it?"

Harry felt a wave of anxiety wash over him; he hadn't really thought this far. This whole time he had been considering what he would do if she agreed to travel the world with him, and he hadn't thought too hard about the possibility of her saying no.

"I—uh—I was wondering if y'would possibly want to go on tour with me as a member of m'band," he said, his words sounding unfinished as they hung between the two.

"Oh," she breathed, "Harry, I don't know if there was a misunderstanding between us, but I don't really play any instrument well enough to be apart of any band. I'm still working on learning guitar, if I'm being honest."

Harry felt his heart deflate at her words. This definitely wasn't how he saw this going.

"Oh no, I know. I was actually hoping y'could come and sing Treat People with me, and do the backing during the other songs. But if that's not something you're interested in, I understand. I jus' really think y'would add a lot to the live shows, and your voice deserves to be heard everywhere, I think. But I understand if this isn't what you're looking for."

Harry knew he had rambled, his slow words going on much longer than he intended. He felt flushed and for the first time since he'd met her, he was happy he wasn't right in front of her. There was a beat of unfilled silence as he waited for any kind of response from her.

"You want me to sing on tour with you?" she asked, her voice small.

"Yes, if y'would like."

Then he got the reaction he was hoping for.

An excited squeak sounded through the phone, Harry finally feeling the stress on his shoulders lessen at the sound. "Really?! Are you serious?!"

"Course 'm being serious. I've already talked to everyone else, and we'd be more than happy to have y'join us, (Y/N)," Harry said through the receiver, the fingers on his lip being rendered useless as a large smile broke through his features. He could only imagine the bright smile on her lips.

God, he wished he could have asked her in person.

"I can't believe this, oh my god! Harry, thank you so much, you don't even know how much this means to me! I would love to! Where are we starting?"

We. He loved the sound of that.

—————

Now, two months into touring, Harry's fairly certain he's got a crush on his best friend.

Since the day tour started, Harry's found himself drawn to (Y/N). Everyone got on with her quite nicely, each of his bandmates telling him he made a good call on asking her to join the tour, but Harry himself felt the deepest pull to her. The minute he found himself alone after that first hectic morning, he told himself that he had to do anything to smother his slowly but surely developing crush on her. Only a week later he found that his plan was going to be almost impossible to execute when she was with him at almost every moment of the day. He figured if there was no way he was going to be able to keep himself from her, at the very least he was going to be friends—only friends—with her.

But there was one small problem with that plan that he hadn't accounted for: Her.

Harry didn't even stand a chance, really. Not when she was so funny, and kind, and smart, and fucking beautiful. She was one of the easiest people to talk to, and being that Harry was still struggling a bit with being vulnerable and open with people, it meant a lot to him. She was always honest with him in the short time they've known each other, but she was still gentle and kind which Harry more than appreciated. Everything about her was so refreshing and reminded him of sunshine.

Tour—already Harry's favorite thing in the world—was made all that much better by her presence. It was fun showing someone all the things he had seen and learned over the years of being on the road; everything was like she was seeing for the first time in her life. These experiences were something Harry was more than proud of himself for being the one to show her. The gravity of her situation was never lost on her, and she always let Harry and Jeff and the others know how much it meant to her to be allowed to "tag along", as she put it. But no matter where in the world they were for the night, (Y/N) was able to make it feel like home to him; like this—their life—was normal. (And she was a good reason to show off a little extra on stage, if he's being honest).

The only thing that didn't come easy when he was with her, was being able to hide his feelings for her.

His mornings started with breakfast with the rest of the band, including (Y/N), as a way to replace family dinners that the lot of them missed on the road. Harry always found himself in the spot next to her, with her hair messy and wrinkled clothing from her night of sleep, but he also found it almost impossible to draw his eyes from her. Mitch had teased him more than once, blatantly calling him on his wandering eyes and the fact he was probably sitting much too close to be considered friendly. If there was to be a show that night, after eating they would all separate into their own rooms or go out and do as they pleased, while Harry would try his best to prolong his time with (Y/N) before soundcheck. More often than not though, she would move into her own room and nap as she was still not accustomed to the hectic schedule that came with touring. Other days, she would pull Harry along with her and the other girls to go sightseeing with barely any protest on his end. (As much as Harry liked to not be seen or go out too much while on the road, he loved going with her on these excursions, and seeing the way she reacted to the places she'd never been before). When soundcheck came around, Harry would take that as his opportunity to pester (Y/N) and get her to laugh, while fighting against her pleas to take it seriously so they could get ready. Those were some of his favorite moments, as he always wanted her to be happy, especially if it was at his hand.

Showtime, though, was its own beast all together.

Onstage was where she would light up, even when she was pushed to the back for most of the show just singing the backing vocals with the other girls. Her real moment came when Harry would call her forward, introducing her to the crowd (something she still got shy over, waving to the audience around her as they cheered for her) and carrying her mic stand for her, so she could sing the chorus of Treat People and he could dance around the stage (sometimes he would do a little extra just to get her to laugh a bit through her singing). Those moments were when Harry would see the biggest smile a person could make stretch across her lips, complimented by the glitter she would pat onto her skin before each show. She would shine under the stage lights in ways Harry didn't even know was possible, like each star dimmed itself down in favor of allowing her to be the brightest light that night.

Harry never pictured himself as the sap that would be in love with their best friend, hearing far too many sob stories over unrequited feelings (Harry's had his own fair share of that, and doesn't like to put himself there if he can help it) to romanticize the sentiment. While he hoped and prayed for the best version of their story, one where eventually they would be together and happy, he knew that there was a huge risk that came with even just trying to get there. Not only would his feelings be on the line, but there were so many variables that could go awry, especially on a world tour.

More than just a relationship status could be changed if anything came of it, there were also professional aspects of the relationship that would come into play. He was, for all intents and purposes, her boss, and dating her came with its own set of challenges he wouldn't know how to navigate. Sure, Mitch and Sarah were perfectly fine with being romantically involved at the same time as touring the world, but they had set their own boundaries and Sarah had given Mitch a whole speech about keeping things professional and not ruining the tour for everyone else in case things went sour.

If things were to go in his favor, and she reciprocated his feelings (he could only hope), Harry also wouldn't know how to go about being in a relationship in this environment. Sure, he's been on tour while having significant others, but nothing like this, nothing where the other person was a part of the production as well. He's with her everyday for months at a time; there would be no time apart; no time to be individuals easing into a relationship. All the cards would be on the table all at once and Harry doesn't know if he would be able to be that vulnerable that quickly (he's definitely made strides in that area, but letting someone you care for know everything about you so quickly was still a very scary thing to him).

But Harry's soft. He's so soft, especially for (Y/N) and he doesn't know what he would do if he pursued her only to be shot down, or, if it did work out, how to deal with that dynamic while on the road.

He knew that this opportunity was everything (Y/N) had dreamed of her whole life, and if she thought Harry only asked her to be in the band because he thought it would get her to jump into bed with him, or if she no longer felt comfortable to be pursing her dream after finding out his feelings for her, he wouldn't forgive himself. He didn't want to be the reason that she didn't follow her dreams. It would break his heart more than any rejection from her ever could.

But, through all the fear and hesitation, there was (Y/N).

She made all his worrying and overthinking so worth it. Even just those early morning breakfasts where she gazed at him with her sleep puffed eyes and yawned a soft good morning through her dream softened lips, were enough to convince him that any amount of pain or heartache that could result in pursuing her was worth it. (Y/N) was worth it.

So now here he was, sitting alone in his hotel room on their day off in Barcelona, waiting by his phone and hoping he would receive an Are you busy? text from (Y/N).

Shortly after tour had begun, (Y/N) had asked Harry if he could teach her to play guitar (Mitch was much too intimidating, she had told him). He had happily (and maybe a bit too quickly) agreed, jumping at the chance to spend any extra time with her as he could. Since then, the few free days they had were spent teaching (Y/N) each chord, and helping her through each song on the tour setlist (she said she wanted to learn those songs first, so she could hopefully eventually start contributing a bit more to the shows). Each lesson started with a text from her, asking if he was busy, or—if it was late at night—if he was awake. Every time Harry would drop everything to respond to the text, sending her the appropriate message to assure her he was more than happy to spend time with her no matter the reason.

Just as he did now.

(Y/N)🌟

         Hey, are you busy? I wanted to practice a little more if you were up for it

He felt his heart jump as the message appeared across his screen, quickly tossing the book he was reading off to the side before typing out a quick response. Not too long after Harry had pulled his Hollywood Sound Studios shirt over his head and adjusted the glasses perched on his nose, did a soft knock sound from the door of his hotel room. He was quick to pull the door open, finding (Y/N) stood in a pair of shorts and a hoodie with her socked feet toeing at the ground. In her hand she held the acoustic guitar that Harry had been teaching her to play on.

"Hey," she greeted, her free hand brushing a strand of hair out of her face. Harry couldn't help but watch her movement and wish that it was his hand that was touching her skin so delicately and tugging that strand into place.

"Y-You—," Harry stuttered, clearing his throat to shake the nerves hiding in his voice "Y'can set up on m'bed if y'want." He gestured vaguely behind him, opening the door wider for her to slip through.

A shy smile decorated her face as she nodded at Harry's offer, stepping past him and into his hotel room that was identical to her's. He trailed behind her, closing the door behind her. His eyes found her form as she made herself at home on his bed, his bottom lip trapped between his teeth as he thought a little too hard about the idea of them sharing that bed.

"Could you show me Sunflower today?" (Y/N) asked, looking over her shoulder to find Harry still stood in the little cubby that housed the doorway.

"Yeah, definitely," Harry agreed, blinking the haze out of his eyes as he remembered she was there for more reason than for him to pine over her.

He was quick to find his spot beside her on the mattress, his thigh pressed against her's as he watched her position her hands the way he had taught her. She tilted her head to look at him after a moment, a soft smile on her lips and her eyes expectant.

"What first, H?"

—————

Hours later, the sun was setting in sprays of orange and golden rays outside the hotel window facing Harry's hotel bed. He had finished teaching (Y/N) how to play Sunflower over an hour ago; she had picked it up fairly quickly, only small moments of frustration over a few notes and chords (Harry liked those moments maybe a little too much, when he used his own hand to cover her's and adjust her placements). Now, they were laid up side by side with the white duvet fluffed around them as Harry gazed at the way the sun warmed her features. She was on her back with her knees bent and her arms laid across her stomach, as Harry was on his side next to her propped up on his elbow. She was telling him a story from home, something about the neighbor's dog and a treehouse and how this was some roundabout way of how she became so interested in music.

Harry promises he was listening—really, he was! But then his eyes shifted from her's, tracing all around her features before landing on her lips. The way they moved was the only thing he was able to comprehend; every word she said looked like poetry with the way her mouth wrapped around each syllable. He swears he's never wanted to kiss anybody so bad in his entire life.

"What about you, H?"

The sound of his nickname brought Harry back from his stupor. He flicked his eyes from her mouth to find (Y/N) already looking to him with her eyes wide and expectant, awaiting a response he didn't have.

Fuck, what had she asked him?

"I—... What, love? 'M sorry," Harry apologized, looking down at the bedding below his hand. His blue painted nails picked at a loose thread, feeling embarrassed to have been caught with his longing gaze and wandering mind.

(Y/N) laughed in response, shifting to fully face Harry with her hand positioned beneath her head on the pillow. "Did I bore you?" Her smile was soft as she spoke, unaccusing.

"No, no! That's not it at all, I jus'... I've got a lot on my mind, I guess." A lot of her, really.

"Oh, did you want to talk about it?" (Y/N) offered, shifting even closer to Harry. Her free hand reached up and began to play with the string of pearls around his neck, something she did occasionally when she and Harry were close like this. It always made his heart skip a beat, unable to fully handle the feeling of her fingertips subtly brushing against his quickly heating skin without having a breakdown of some kind.

He gulped at her question, his throat bobbing against his necklace. "I—uh—no, 's okay. Jus' need to get over it," Harry improvised, each of his thoughts hitting a dead end every time her gaze shifted from her fingers on his pearls to his watching eyes.

"You sure?" she pressed, her hand reaching up to brush back a curl that had flopped over his forehead. "You know I'm always here to listen, right? I don't want you to feel like you need to 'get over' anything by yourself."

She looked like she was pleading with him as her eyes looked almost glossy in the fading sunlight. The same hand that had tucked the loose curl back, was now cupping Harry's jaw. (Y/N) had always been quite touchy with him, Harry always bathing in the affection and doling out his own to her, but it was moments like these that almost made him feel like she was electrocuting him. He had never felt so intensely under another's touch; no previous lover had caused the same yearning squeeze in his chest, the same set of goosebumps to prickle across his skin, the same flush to tint his face. And she wasn't even his.

"I know..." he started, his words trailing off before they could even really begin. Her thumb began to run circles on the angle of his jaw, her nail tickling the scruff he had grown over the weeks. Harry felt a tension lay over him at her touch, one he was sure she wouldn't be able to ignore, but the concern still held in her eyes made it evident that she could. Harry hesitantly moved his hand to hold her waist, an action he would have usually done without a thought, but now held much more weight.

He stayed silent as he slowly dragged himself closer to her, the comforter scrunching between them. (Y/N) welcomed his body closer to her, fitting him into her arms and tangling a leg through his as she was used to his cuddling in the evenings. Harry knew she was doing as she usually did, holding him the way she's done on more the one occasion while on the road, but he couldn't help but feel that flutter in his chest like it meant something more.

She looped the arm that had been cushioning her head around his neck as her brows furrowed while she gazed up at him. Harry ducked down a small bit, using the pull of her arm as a guise to get himself all that much closer to her.

"Harry, are you okay?" she asked, her voice dripping in concern, "If it's really that hard to talk about, we don't have to."

He could barely remember what he had said to cause her concern, only vaguely recalling the way he had began to speak before trailing off in favor of focusing on only her. He didn't even think through a response as he looked at her features that were only a breath away, his gaze locked on her lips and thoughts routing back to her.

"It's...It's you."

Harry tilted his head, closing the final length between their lips as his eyes fluttered closed. He could have swore he never felt more at ease than in that moment. Everything that had built up in his chest for her over the months on the road were finally translated into the kiss he pressed against her unsuspecting lips. They were just as soft and warm as he had dreamed about, every expectation falling short compared to the real thing. He could even taste the strawberry shortcake flavored chapstick she took with her everywhere.

(Y/N) was stunned still for a moment, Harry able to feel her tensing for a moment against him. Only a beat later did the hand cradling his jaw tug him closer, her nose nudging against his as she angled her own head to draw the kiss deeper.

Before Harry let himself go too far, he pulled back the smallest amount, the hand he had stationed on her waist coming to rest gently on the back of her neck.

"Are y'sure?"

(Y/N) only kissed him back.

Harry sighed into the contact, his hold on her tightening in fear of her breaking away from him. Her lips slotted against his own, her strawberry tinted bottom lip snug between his two. Short swipes of his tongue fluttered against the her lip, his brows subconsciously furrowing as he could only think of being closer to her; tasting more of her, feeling more of her. Both of her hands drifted to hold his jaw, keeping him steady against her through their kissing.

"More," Harry whispered against her mouth, prompting (Y/N) to open her part her lips further.

Harry snuck his tongue past her lips, stroking it against her own. She tasted sweet and warm like honey, and tart like the cherries they had snacked on through the afternoon. She followed his lead, letting him get as much of her as he wanted before she broke the contact. Harry whined and followed her retreating mouth before reattaching their lips, a new found possessive hold over her. Now that he had her, he didn't want her to leave.

Harry shifted, never removing his mouth from her's as he fit himself between her bent knees. Her fingers drifted from their spot on his jawline, tangling themselves in his growing curls. He let out a soft groan at the feeling, his hands landing on her hips in an effort to pull himself flush against her. As their kissing grew deeper, Harry felt the bulge in his sweatpants grow harder and harder against her core. Her shorts rode up her thighs, one of Harry's hands drifting to the soft skin and hiking her thigh over his hip. A soft moan left her lips only urging him on further with a roll of his hips against her's and soft bite to her kiss swollen lip.

"Harry," she sighed, the leg around his hip tightening.

Harry felt himself twitch in his boxers at the sound of his name falling from her lips. He had dreamt many times before bed, when he had told her he needed to "meditate", of that same noise. In those fantasies, she was fully undressed with his cock inside her, but he'd do for her bunched up hoodie and crumpled shorts any day. He was close to her—his best friend—in the one way he'd been aching for for months. The only thing that separated his skin from her's were a few layers of clothing; the few layers Harry wished would just disappear so he could feel actually close to her, like he really knew her finally in the way he's always wanted.

His fingers massaged the soft skin of her thigh while the other hand plucked at the waistband of her shorts. His fingers dipped under the elastic, finding the ribbed cotton of her panties underneath. (Y/N)'s breathing stuttered at the touch, Harry finally pulling back from her lips only to kiss his way down her neck. He absently removed the glasses that had been perched on his nose this whole time, wanting to bury his face in her neck without the obstruction.

"Y'alright with this?" he breathed against her skin, snapping the waistband of her shorts against her hip.

"Please, want to feel you," she whined, her fingers tugging at his hair.

He'd give her anything when she asked like that. He bit at the delicate skin of her neck, soothing the spot with his tongue and lips in a gentle praise. He savored the taste of her skin for a moment longer before kneeling back with his butt on his heels. His rosied bottom lip was trapped between his teeth as his intense gaze dragged down her body, her chest visibly heaving under her hoodie and her usually gentle eyes blown wide with lust. His dreams had nothing on her.

"Budge up, baby," he whispered, his voice quiet in fear of the gravity of their actions finally being heard.

She obediently followed his direction, lifting her hips as he slid only her shorts down for the time being. She was left in her bunched up lilac hoodie revealing her stomach and the grey cotton of her panties, a small wet patch darkening the center. Harry was quick to discard of his own sweatpants, tossing them onto the hotel room floor with the tent in his boxers on full display. He glanced at (Y/N) once, finding her gaze locked on his cock with her kiss-puffed lips set in a small gape. Harry couldn't stop himself before he was laid between her thighs again and his lips attached to her's. Her wordless praising of him was enough to get him rutting against her core through their underwear.

A moaned call of his name came through her lips, a call Harry swallowed with his constant kissing of her lips and tasting of her tongue. He rolled his hips against her's again in an effort to relieve the pressure bundling in his stomach, his hands stationing themselves at her hips to keep her still for him. She gasped and moaned with each of his thrusts against her hips, the wet spot on her panties dampening his own underwear along with the precum leaking from the head of his prick. Harry moved his lips from her own, traveling down her cheek and jawline with his nose skimming her cheekbone. Once at her neck, he gently bit at the delicate skin in small nips, leaving sore spots in their wake before his tongue and lips soothed the budding bruises. Small blooms of lovebites were left on her skin, Harry not even caring that they were due on the stage the next day under the watchful gaze of thousands of fans, the only thing on his mind was her. He wanted to show her everything he had felt for her the past months; the months of pining, and hoping, and imagining moments like these.

(Y/N)'s hips suddenly bucked up against his own, causing Harry to realize that as he had lost himself in his thoughts, he had slowly began only grinding against her pussy.

"Harry, please. No teasing," she whined, her hands in his hair tugging his face back to her's. She nudged her nose against his, her breath fanning against his already heated skin.

Harry smeared his lips against her's in a sloppy, reassuring kiss. "'S okay, baby. 'M right here, 'm gonna take care of you," his words were whispered between the two of them, a quiet promise to her. He began to lean away from her, intending to take his own boxers off before pulling her underwear off. Instead, (Y/N) clenched her thighs around him, keeping him in place between her legs. Trapping his already swollen bottom lip between his teeth, he placed his hands on her thighs, gripping the soft skin between his fingers. "'S alright, (Y/N). Jus' gonna take off ou—"

"No," she cut him off, her hands fisting at his shirt in a desperate attempt to tug back down to her, "Stay close to me. I need you."

Harry couldn't really argue with that, now could he?

He pliantly shifted back to his previous position, his hands drifting from her thighs, trailing over her sides and tracing the curves of her waist before planting themselves on her ribcage under her hoodie. His thumbs rested just below the curve of her bare breasts, his breath catching over the knowledge that she had been braless the whole time he was with her. Her lips quickly found his again, pulling Harry back into the comforting exhilaration her kiss gave him. He resumed rocking his hips against her's, finding a rhythm similar to if he were fucking her for real. Her hands that had settled on the hem of his shirt, trailed underneath the fabric and ran along the muscles of his torso, her nails lingering across his skin every time he rocked against her just right, causing his cock to tightly budge against her clit.

Each pass of his hips against her's was enough to have Harry moaning into her mouth, his fingers tightening around her body. "Fuck," he breathed after a particularly sharp thrust against the wetness growing on their underwear, "Gonna make me fucking cum like this, baby."

"K-keep going," she stuttered, her arms looping around his neck and her legs wrapping around his hips with her feet interlocking against his lower back.

"Feeling good? Like my cock fucking y'through your panties?" Harry mumbled, his words breaking through a string of moans against her skin.

"Mhm," she keened, "So fucking good, Harry."

Harry's eyes screwed shut at the sound of her praises, and the elongated moaning of his name from her strawberry tasting lips. "Say m'name, baby. Say m'name and I'll make y'cum like this."

He rut hard against her core, the shaft of his covered cock dragging against her clit. He was soaked through his boxers, both of their wetness coating the languid motions of his hips.

"Harry," she breathed, indulging in his request of hearing his name fall from her lips. She did so many times over, following each pass of his hips and sandwiched between various curses and pleas for him to keep going, and that she was so close.

The pressure Harry was feeling in his own stomach only tightened impossibly with each moan of his name from her; the same voice he had heard night after night singing his songs was now singing his praises and pleading with him in filthy requests to please make me cum, H, please.

"'M gonna cum, baby, fuck. Are y'close?" Harry gasped, hoping she was as close as he was. He wanted to hear what that voice sounded like while cumming more than anything.

"So close, H, keep going."

Harry captured her lips with his own. His mouth was lazy against her own, their kisses becoming sloppy presses of their lips with noses nudging as they tried their hardest to get closer and even more intimate than they already were.

He rutted his hips down into her's in a particularly harsh and dragging thrust, feeling the head of his own orgasm bubble at the surface. (Y/N)'s legs around him shuttered, her arms around his neck pulling him close so she could bury her face in his neck.

"Oh, fuck, I'm cumming, fuck. I'm cumming, Harry, please don't stop, please don't stop," she pleaded into his ear, her glossy lips brushing against the skin of his jaw.

That was all Harry needed to allow himself to cum, the quickly dampening wet patch on both of their pairs of underwear now saturated with their shared orgasms. Harry let out his own calls of his best friend's name, followed by strings of curses. His arms wrapped around her middle, holding her tightly against him as his hips stuttered as they continued to sloppily fuck into her own.

"Fuck, baby—fuck," he breathed, feeling himself come down as she curled into his chest. Her breathing puffed against his shirt, warming his skin through the material. "Y'alright, (Y/N)?"

"Yeah," she breathed, peeking up at him with glossy eyes and a fucked-out expression on her face. "Are you?"

"More than alright, I think," Harry smiled, shifting his hands to cradle her face. He pressed small, innocent kisses to her lips, nose, cheeks, and forehead causing a breathy laugh to leave her lips.

By now the room was bathed in darkness, the sun having gone down long ago leaving only the small desk lamp beside them to illuminate the room. (Y/N) slowly blinked up at him, her fingers trailing down over the pearls in his necklace.

"I'm tired now," she sighed, tugging him down to cuddle her face in his neck.

"Yeah? Wore y'out, didn't I?" Harry smirked, rolling off of her, and landing by her side on the ruffled duvet. (Y/N) rolled her eyes at the cocky tone of his voice, sitting up and tugging her wet panties down her legs. Harry raised his eyebrows at her actions, his gaze following the fabric to her ankles and eventually joining the pile of clothing on the floor. "Thought y'said y'were tired?"

(Y/N) huffed a laugh, looking over at him as she pulled the hem of her hoodie down to cover her core before pulling back the comforter and snuggling under the downy fabric. "I am, dummy. I'm not going to sleep in underwear covered in cum, unlike you."

She turned her gaze pointedly at the dark patch covering the front of his previously opaque white boxers. And to think the girl that was calling him out for cumming in his boxers was the one that made him do it in the first place.

Harry scoffed at her teasing, following suit and tugging his underwear off to join the pile of their shared clothes on the carpeted floor. He slipped under the duvet with her, wriggling closer to her. (Y/N) was already sleepily blinking her drooping eyelids at him by the time he tentatively slung his arm over her waist. A gap between them persisted, Harry unsure if she would want him to be close to her again; he was unsure if this was just a slip up between two friends, who would remain only friends no matter how much he wished they would progress. He didn't want to read the situation wrong and have all of his fears recognized just as his dreams came into fruition.

Lucky for him, (Y/N) sleepily snuggled closer to him, her body flush against his with her arm around his middle. "Wanna cuddle, if that's okay."

A small, lopsided smile painted across his lips, as he nuzzled his nose into her hair. "Course 's okay, baby. Anything y'want."

She settled happily into his hold, the softness of her body against his rivaling that of the comforter that covered the two of them. She was out within minutes, leaving Harry to revel in the dreams of his that had become reality in all of two hours.

His dreams had nothing on the real thing.

—————

The next morning, Harry found himself alone.

He had awoken slowly, thinking the mass that had been cuddled into his chest was his best friend who had hopefully turned into something more, but he opened his eyes only to find out it was one of the stiff hotel pillows. He shot awake after that, searching for any sign of (Y/N)'s presence. He came up empty when he saw that her clothes from the previous night were now missing and she wasn't in the bathroom.

She left.

Harry sat dejectedly on the edge of his bed, his elbows resting on his knees with his face in his hands and fingers tugging at his curls. Why had she left? He thought that her invitation to cuddle was her way of assuring him that they were good—that they were still them—no matter what had transpired.

He barely had any time to sulk before a text from Mitch came through his phone, asking if he was still coming down for breakfast. Harry checked the time, finding it was already eight and everyone would have been down and eating by now. Including (Y/N).

He quickly sent a message back to Mitch, telling him that he would be down in a minute he just woke up a little late. He changed into new clothes before stepping into the hallway with a glance spared towards (Y/N)'s door. He almost wanted to knock, wanting to see if she was already with the others. Instead he moved to the elevator, hitting the button for the right floor and messing on his phone in an attempt to distract his thoughts.

Too soon, the bell dinged letting him know he had no more time to pretend he wasn't thinking about (Y/N). He shuffled into the hallway, and towards the suite that Jeff was staying in, where the rest of them gathered every morning for a room service catered breakfast. Upon entering through the slightly cracked door, (Y/N)'s back covered by the hoodie he knew all too well at this point was the first thing he saw. The folds and creases in the pastel fabric seemed to be taunting him with the way they were able to cling to (Y/N)'s body all through the night and into the morning much like he had wanted to. She was sat between Charlotte and Sarah, not on the end as she usually was so she could be beside Harry.

Mitch noticed him first, nodding to him with a Morning, H falling from his lips in his usual greeting. Harry absently smiled and reciprocated his words, hesitantly stepping towards the table that each of his bandmates were sat at. He picked the free spot beside Adam and Ny, coincidentally right across from his best friend—or who he thinks is still his best friend. The usual morning chatter picked up as Harry ate his plate of eggs and toast. Everyone conversed about what they had done the day previous; the girls recounting their trip into the city, Mitch and Adam having stayed in their rooms and rest. The question came around to (Y/N) where she easily looked to Sarah and gestured vaguely in Harry's direction.

"Harry taught me some more on the guitar. I learned Sunflower yesterday," she smiled, her eyes flicking to Harry momentarily before shifting back to Sarah.

"Oh, Mitch, you might be out of a job soon. Once she gets She down, we don't need you anymore," Sarah teased, the table falling into laughter while Harry tried his best to act normal at the way (Y/N) so easily brushed yesterday's events off.

He knew she wasn't going to divulge her sex life over a band breakfast, of course, but she had barely looked at him. He didn't just teach her Sunflower. He kissed her for the first time, ran his hands down her body, fucked himself against her until they both came in their underwear. That sounds like a lot more than learning a song.

Wasn't it?

The rest of breakfast was spent awkwardly navigating the conversation, both (Y/N) and Harry chiming in at the right times while also avoiding (or (Y/N) did anyway) any exchange of words with the other. Eventually everyone dismissed themselves to do as they pleased while the stage was set up before soundcheck. (Y/N) was the first one out of the room, telling everyone she wanted to catch up on some sleep before showtime. Everyone followed suit shortly after, leaving Harry to sit alone in his room with nothing to think of but the last twenty-four hours.

Eventually, Harry fell asleep on the same side (Y/N) had slept on previous. His dreams were too much like the real thing now.

—————

"Let's do Treat People next, okay?"

It was Jeff that called over the ending notes of Canyon Moon, making Harry's heart skip a beat at the suggestion. He knew that would mean pulling (Y/N) to stand beside him and it was going to be the closest they'd been since the night before. It was only hours to showtime, with fans already having been camped outside the venue for hours, and no words had been exchanged between the two. Not by Harry's persistence—he had worked way too hard on learning to be vulnerable and open to stop now—but it was (Y/N) that seemed to want to avoid the confrontation more than anything. He had allowed her to do so, as each time they were together, it was in front of the others and that was definitely not the time to address the connotations of their sexual encounter.

Just like now.

Harry stiffly nodded, turning his head over his shoulder to (Y/N) to find her eyes trained towards the floor but nodding nonetheless. He walked back to her, his bottom lip between his teeth as he took her mic stand in his hand and placed it beside his own. She trailed behind him closely, the pair of them trying to act as normal as possible.

As the music started up, Harry sang along to the words, his body shifting to be able to keep his eyes on (Y/N) as they normally did. She was stood stiffly beside him, only bopping her head along to the beat Sarah was playing. She was usually playing into his teasing by now, belting out silly notes and imitating his dancing. He was sure the others were going to notice the polarity in her behavior.

Harry could barely get through any of this soundcheck before, his mind wandering back to what he was perceiving to be as a dream come true. Now with her beside him, so close, all he wanted to do was pull her backstage and ask her what he did wrong, if he could fix it, and that he didn't want anything to change between them. He wanted her—fuck, did he want her—but if he would have to try harder to suppress those feelings in hope of still being close to her, he would. He thinks he would do anything for her.

Instead he suffered through the rest of soundcheck, hyper-aware of the fact that he knew her body now. He knew what she felt like under his hands, knew what would make her moan a call of his name. He knew what her lips tasted like and how the same voice that sang the words to his song, sang his praises as she came. He was hyper-aware of the fact that he knew her now, inside and out. So, why didn't she want to know him, too?

—————

Harry could hear the sound of his preshow playlist playing throughout the arena, fans singing along to some and chattering through others. Usually he would feel his adrenaline starting to build, knowing that the openers would be on soon and then he would be out in less than two hours. Now, all Harry could comprehend was the pit in his stomach that had been growing larger and larger since the end of soundcheck. (Y/N) had hightailed it out of there quickly after everyone was finished, barely getting out that she left her phone in her room before her voice disappeared in the empty arena. He hadn't seen her since.

He didn't know what to do. All he wanted to do was talk to her, work things out and figure out where to go from here, but it seemed like all she wanted to do was forget Harry and anything that had happened with him. He never would regret kissing her and holding her, but he was starting to regret the fact that it had effectively ruined any chance of being anything to her.

So he sat and waited, claiming to be prepping in his dressing room while the others socialized elsewhere. All he really did was worry himself over (Y/N) while his hair was being done, and his suit for the night was being pulled from wardrobe. He could faintly head her voice just outside his door, and all he wanted to do was jump from his seat and run to her. But he didn't.

It wasn't until only a half hour was left before showtime that he had another chance.

He was all set for the show, the nerves in his stomach now being replaced with adrenaline over the impending show. It was relieving to finally have something else on his mind now. But as soon as he stepped out of his dressing room, finding the rest of the band stood together as they chatted and did their own little preshow rituals. One, of course, being (Y/N). She was dressed in a glittered romper, a pair of boots on her feel with her hair pulled back by a white scrunchie. Although she wouldn't meet his eyes, he already knew she had patted iridescent glitter onto her cheekbones as she always did.

He knew if he didn't talk to her now, he probably wouldn't have this chance again until the next show—or ever if she kept up her disappearing act. So he took it.

"(Y/N)?" He called, speaking over the chatter of the other's. Her head shot up to look at him, her eyes wide. "Can I talk to you in m'dressing room?"

She silently nodded, excusing herself from the group. She side stepped around the circle, her fingers playing with the hem of her romper as her eyes refused to meet his. Harry stood just outside his dressing room door, holding the door open for when she reached him. He gestured her through first, his eyes never leaving her form. She settled awkwardly for a spot in the middle of the room, looking almost out of place in the way she stood stiffly among his things.

"What did you wanna talk about, H?" she asked, breaking the icy silence between the two.

Harry huffed a humorless laugh at her words, sitting on the loveseat the decorated the room. "'M sure y'have an idea, (Y/N)."

She visibly gulped, slowly stepping toward the couch. She sat on the cushion beside him, perching herself on the edge with her knees pointing at Harry with her elbows on her legs and her chin in her hands.

A half smile decorated her lips. "Guess I do, huh."

Harry sighed, knowing he would have to guide the conversation. "I jus' wanna know why y'left... I had thought we had a good night, I know I did at least."

Harry's eyes never left her's, wanting to gauge her reaction to his soft words.

"I did, too," she admitted quietly, her eyes falling from his and tracing along the details of his suit. She was nervous, that much Harry could tell.

"Then why did y'leave?"

"I—," she started, being cut off by a crack in her voice, "I didn't want to make you feel weird by staying. I don't know what last night meant to you, and I didn't want to force it to feel like anything more than you wanted. I know I already pushed it with staying the night and cuddling and all."

The sad tone to her words broke Harry's heart. This wasn't at all what he had expected. He was the one that had simmered in his uncertainty all day, unsure of where she stood and how she felt about him, and here she was telling him she had done that as well, starting before he even woke up. The thought of her laying awake beside home over analyzing each kiss an touch they shared was enough to have him shifting closer to her, wanting to wrap his arms around her in comfort.

"What did last night mean to you?" he asked, the tips of his boots resting against her's. The faint touch was enough to remind him of the way she had tangled their legs together in the night previous.

She nervously bit at her bottom lip, a sheer pink gloss on her pout shining in the fluorescent lighting. "If I'm honest, last night was something I've wanted to happen for a long time. I really care about you, H, probably more than a friend should."

"Really?" Harry asked, feeling his shoulders deflate in relief over her words. "(Y/N), I—."

"It's okay if you don't feel the same way, and I know you probably don't want to start anything while on tour. I understand. I just don't want this to cha—"

(Y/N)'s words were cut off by Harry pressing his lips to her's. His large hand was planted on the back of her neck, his other settling on her waist. Their lips slotted together familiarly, like no time had passed since their intimate moment the night before. (Y/N) placed her hands flat on his chest, her fingers trailing over the pearls he still wore.

Harry broke away first only to rest his forehead against her's, his nose gently nudging the tip of her's. "I care about y'too, baby. I—I think I love you."

He knew he figured he loved her as he fell asleep the night before, but he knew he loved her when this morning came and all he wanted was to be with her. This whole day only proved to him that he loved her, and now all he wanted to do was show her.

"Really?" (Y/N) whispered, parroting back his words from earlier. Harry gave her a small nod, pressing a small kiss to the corner of her smiling lips. "I love you too, H."

The biggest smile broke across his face, his dimples dipping into his cheeks. Another dream of his coming true. His eyes fluttered shut as he spoke.

"Say it again."

"What? That I love you?" she questioned, her fingers slipping into the baby curls on the back of his neck.

"Please." He needed to hear her say it again.

"I love you, Harry."

"I love you, too," he breathed, tipping his head to press his lips against her's. The gloss that had been applied to them smeared against his own, but Harry didn't even care as he chased the strawberry shortcake taste of his best friend—of his love.

Harry didn't even know how long they sat in his dressing room kissing and repeating their affections, but eventually Jeff came pounding on his door. "Five minutes, H! You and (Y/N) need to finish up getting ready."

Harry hesitantly broke away form her, his breathing heavy as he called back and Okay! to Jeff through the door. (Y/N) absently ran her fingertips over his necklace of pearls as she caught her breath. Harry gazed down at her, her own eyes locked on her fingers.

"Wanna wear 'em? I know y'like them," Harry offered, referring to his necklace.

Her eyes shot up to his already watching her. "This?" she asked, lightly tugging on the pearls.

"Yeah, y'always play with them. If y'want, y'can wear them," he pressed, already reaching behind his neck and unclasping the necklace.

"Are you sure, Harry? People are going to notice and everythi—"

"S'okay. I don't mind."

She didn't offer anymore protest as he brought the pearls around her own neck. She lifted her hair off her neck for him, letting the strands fall once he had fit it around her. The necklace rested against her collarbones, the color creamy against her skin.

"Looks beautiful. Wear it better than I do."

"Doubt it," (Y/N) countered, rolling her eyes with a small smile on her face. Before Harry could say anything back, she tugged him down by the lapels on his suit and pressed their lips together.

Only a moment later another pounding was heard through the door. "Two minutes, Harry!"

Harry begrudgingly sighed as he pulled away, an apologetic look on his face as he looked to (Y/N).

"Don't be sorry, H. We both have to go out there," she laughed, standing from the couch and offering a hand out to him.

Harry happily took it, letting her pull him towards the door where he knew the rest of the band and the audience was waiting outside.

"One more," he crooned, twirling (Y/N) around to his chest and pressing a quick kiss to her lips. She only allowed him to plant a small peck on her mouth before pulling away.

"No more, you've got my lip gloss all over your mouth."

She used the pad of her thumb to gently wipe away each trace of the sheer pink gloss. Harry teasingly puckered his lips against her finger, unable to stop himself now that he had the freedom to show her all of the affection he had pent up for her.

"Better?" he asked as she pulled her hand away.

"Perfect."

Before anything else could be said, Jeff himself pulled open the door and dragged the pair of them out.

"Go get your inears and line up. Lights already went down," he grumbled, shoving Harry in the right direction where the rest of the band stood.

(Y/N) shyly smiled at Jeff, in her own silent apology before joining the others in their lineup, Harry followed behind her closely. She tipped her head backwards, looking to Harry behind her with her features upside down.

"Ready?"

Harry's sure tonight's going to be the best show of his life.

—————

[callioope]

Author Interview

tagged by @theputterer -- thank you :) 

Name: Liz

Fandoms: In terms of posted fics, mainly Rogue One and Star Wars (OT). I have at least one fic posted in A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones, Community, and Howl’s Moving Castle (book). But I also like The Clone Wars and Rebels. I’ve been reading mainly ATLA fic for the past couple weeks. 

Where you post: AO3 and sometimes here on tumblr. There are a few drabbles I’ve posted on tumblr that I really ought to crosspost on AO3 for posterity. 

Most popular one-shot: “In Which Sophie is Late, and Howl Noses Around in Her Business” (Howl’s Moving Castle) With 698 kudos. Uh. Wow. I was not expecting that! It’s literally my only HMC fic (although I do technically have other unfinished drafts) and it’s not even a year old, and surpassed my second most popular one-shot which was posted in 2015. Pregnancy trope is popular I guess. It is amusing to me that my most popular one-shot is not in my favorite OTP fandom (rebelcaptain). Howl’s Moving Castle ended up having a wider audience than I anticipated. 

Also as a disclaimer, but popularity is weird to gauge because do you go by hits or kudos or comments? I went with kudos because hits could count people who clicked on my story and then didn’t like it. But it’s hard because hits also include re-reads, so, idk. 

Most popular multi-chapter fic: “The Last Stark” (A Song of Ice and Fire) 815 kudos. This was finished in 2013 so it’s had plenty of time to accumulate the kudos. It’s a Gendrya Anastasia AU (“Aryastasia” was my working title for this one lol). So again, popular trope, in a popular fandom, in a popular ship. This fic is so old when I reread it, I usually find myself wanting to edit it, especially the ending. I was so ready to be done writing this that I think I rushed the ending. Oh well, writing plots is really difficult!

Fic you were nervous to post: Every fic? lol. I’m never not nervous to post a fic. But I’m definitely more nervous posting in a fandom for the first time. So posting “Whatever I Do (I Do It To Protect You)” (Rogue One, rebelcaptain) was pretty nervewracking, especially since it’d been awhile since I posted anything. [OOOH, fun fact, but WID celebrated it’s 4 year anniversary yesterday! Ha, that’s funny.] I was working on this fic for weeks before I posted it. 

I was also super nervous to post my Jeff/Annie Community soulmate AU, “Intro to Neurochemical Compatibility” because (a) first time posting in that fandom, (b) I decided to use script format which I know is not everyone’s jam, and (c) the premise is just so ridiculous! But I had fun with it. 

Also gift exchanges are always nerve-wracking because I worry the giftee won’t like it. My giftee never responded to my 2020 rebelcaptain secret santa fic so I’m actually constantly worrying that they didn’t like it and feeling bad that I failed them. :/ 

How you choose your titles: with so much agonizing. gosh it’s so hard and honestly i have so many titles that i hate. I’ve got a couple song lyric titles. a couple quotes. a couple “how to...” apparently that was a whole phase I went through. Either the titles come to me immediately, or I put off choosing a title until the absolutely moment I need to post it, and then spend hours agonizing over a quote/song lyric/phrase that fits and probably begging others for help.

Do you outline: YES. Possibly overly so. I’ve ran into issues in the past, when I was much younger, where I didn’t resolve problems proposed early in the story. So I need to know where the story is going in order to lay the proper groundwork. Also, if I do not write things down I forget them five minutes later. I also think outlining is a useful trick to jumpstart writing, so if the muse just isn’t present, I’ll try to lure her out by outlining. 

Complete: 19 fics. 

In progress: Oh boy this is so hard to count. As far as what’s posted? Technically only one: “How to Lose a Spy in 10 Days” (Rogue One, rebelcaptain). Despite the fact that I think the deadline was extended multiple time, I procrastinated and ended up rushing chapter one to meet the rebelcaptain rom-com challenge deadline. Didn’t really have a proper outline for this one, even though I knew vaguely what I wanted it to be about. I wrote chapter two but I hated what I wrote so I ... I kinda abandoned it. I mean technically, I never consider a work abandoned, I always intend to get back to it. Some day when I have the inspiration I will. But this idea ended up being a challenge I didn’t feel ready for at the time, and then my interest moved on to other ideas.

I also had a longer story planned for “you must become an island (the horizon is all we have)” but only posted one part of it to finish it on time. Ideally this fic would be part of a series, but again, motivation is needed so we’ll see

Technically I have 22 rebelcaptain ideas alone (including some listed in this post) at various states of completed, plus a handful of Community and HMC ideas. Of the ones I’m most interested in, there’s probably about 14 that I really hope to finish and post some day. 

ETA: omg i totally forgot that i was idly considering trying to finish my rebelcaptain soulmate AU in time for Valentine’s Day, but at this point I haven’t had any motivation to write so I don’t think that’s gonna happen. that fic has been sitting in my drafts since 2018 and in my drafts it will continue to sit.

Coming soon: “soon” is relative but these are currently the ones I’ve focused the most on recently:

Fencing AU (rebelcaptain)

You’ve Got Mail AU (rebelcaptain)

Post-War Fic with @allatariel (rebelcaptain, plus a LOT of other ships, includes Rebels characters, OT characters, and... maybe some others :) )

Palm Springs/time loop AU (Jeff/Annie)

Do you accept prompts: Wellllll here’s the thing. When I’ve asked for prompts, I haven’t been the best at fulfilling them in a timely manner. For that reason, I don’t encourage prompts but I’m not opposed to them. (I suppose technically exchange fics are prompts, and I wrote a bunch of fics in 2017 for rebelcaptainprompts, but I’m not gonna count those because I don’t think that’s what the question here is really going for)

“The Climb (A Lie, A Hero)” (Rogue One, rebelcaptain) was actually a prompt. 

I solicited prompts for my birthday in 2019, which I didn’t end up fulfilling until exactly one year later. 

Technically the You’ve Got Mail AU is a prompt, someone prompted me to write a fic for my favorite go-to comfort movie.

And, uh, the certain someone who tagged me for this meme prompted me in a comment back in October 2017 to do a Luke and Leia swap where Leia grows up on Tatooine, so that is sitting in my WIP list. 

Yeah, this is why I don’t solicit or encourage prompts. The return rate is just not fair for the prompter. 

Upcoming story you are most excited to write: this fluctuates on any given day. the fencing AU is so close to being done (well the first draft anyways) so i really really want to just finish it! But yeah it’d be anything on the coming soon list above.

tagging: @allatariel, @cats-and-metersticks, @lothcatlovesysalamiri, @veritascara, @brynnmclean and anyone who sees this and wants to do it! also ofc per usual no pressure if u don’t want to.

[simplesimperey]

Here’s kind of an inside look on how the comics will look like art style-wise, just the boys being best buds, ticci-toby always falling asleep on their break days with Jeff, they both have found comfort in each other! Are you guys a t l e a s t a little bit more intrigued with the series? if yes then you’ll eventually find out Jeff and toby’s backstories also its a free range project, that means its costing me $0 to put all my effort into this! aka I’m bored and I just want to make my dreams finally come true thank you for reading if you did ^u^ Lyrics are from Ready now by Dodie! (okay to reblog as always)

[wamiandayne]

5, 8, 17, 18 🎵

thank u for Music Asks, tumblr user funkyliloboist

5 - a song you daydream to

a song that has caused me to daydream is eighth wonder by lemon demon, but like real people do by hozier can make a bitch yearn

8 - a song you liked when you were 10 that still slaps

blasphemous rumors by depeche mode.

17 - a song that makes you want to grab your friends and jump up and down while screaming the lyrics

theres a few somgs that have made us actually do this but i cant think of one

at the whole. masquerade dance i went to kai and i did jump up and down in our formal wear and go batshit over the time warp from rocky horror picture show tho

18 - a song where the lyrics are so beautiful they sound like poetry

this is hard since i listwn to like. bitches by mindless self indulgence and stuff is way by they might be giants. but like. heres a few i think??

if it isnt her by ani difranco

lilac wine by jeff buckley

heroes by david bowie

o children by nick cave

asleep by the smiths

between the bars by elliott smith

[theories-fans-andwombats]

Tag game time!!! Thanks @dream-emporium

rules : spell your url with song titles and tag 10 people

T - “Terror Time” by Skycycle, from Scooby Doo Zombie Island

H - “Heads Will Roll” by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs

E - “El Dorado” by Two steps From Hell

O - “Outlands pt 2″ by Daft Punk (Tron Legacy soundtrack)

R - “Red Like Roses” by Jeff Williams (RWBY soundtrack)

I - “Impossible” by Two Steps from Hell

E - “Evacuate the Dancefloor” by Cascada

S - “Song of Aeolus” by Karl Jenkins

F - “Ft.”  by Funkist (Fairy Tail opening 3)

A - “Adiemus 1999 version” by Karl Jenkins

N - “Nevermore” by Jeff Williams (RWBY soundtrack)

S - “Stay I Pray You” Anastasia Broadway play

A - “(The) Aliens are Here”, Scooby Doo and the Alien Invaders soundtrack

N - “No One Like You” by the Scorpions

D - “Die” by Jeff Williams, RWBY Vol. 2 Soundtrack

W - “(The) World Will Know” by Alan Menken (Newsies soundtrack)

O - “O2″ by Orange Range (Code Geass R2 opening 1)

M - “Main Title (Second Star to the Right)”, Peter Pan soundtrack

B - “Blue (Da Ba Dee)” by Eiffel 65

A - “Across the Violet Sky”, Violet Evergarden soundtrack

T - “The End of the Road Should be Here”, Fire Emblem Fates soundtrack

S - “Summer of 69″ by Bryan Adams

-

Quarantine Asks

🏠 where are you isolated?

At my/my parent’s house

📺 what are you currently reading or watching?

Reading: I just finished Finale by Stephanie Garber, and I plan on starting Girls of Storm and Shadow soon.

Watching: Downton Abbey with my mom. It is surprisingly really good (I usually prefer either fantasy/sci-fi shows or animated shows.

🏝if you can go outside, what do you like to do during this time?

I go for walks with my family and play frisbee with my brother. Hopefully soon I’ll start kayaking and swimming!

📚any fascinating concept you’re studying?

I’m in the process of learning Gaeilge, or Irish. I’m taking online courses from Dublin City University and absolutely loving it!

🖼 what kind of acts of creativity/forms of art are you currently doing?

Writing fanfiction, drawing digitally (and a bit traditionally), making clothing designs on Animal Crossing ;)

🎵 a song that resonates with your state of mind at the moment?

Uuuhhhh hard to say. I’ll go with “Pan” by Nightwish, or any of their songs I’ve been listening to. Not so much for the lyrics, but for the feeling I get from the music

🚫 favorite impulsive “bad” coping mechanism?

Either impulse buying something I feel I deserve or deciding to spend a day doing nothing

✅ favorite good “healthy” coping mechanism?

At the moment, taking walks. I’m super active during the summer, but rarely during the winter, and it feels good to get outside on the nice days. In general, a coping mechanism that works really well for me is writing down something if it’s bothering me. Almost instantly makes me feel better and helps calm me down.

rules : bold everything that applies to you & tag 10 people you’d like to get to know better.

A P P E A R A N C E

i’m over 5′5″. i wear glasses / contacts. i have blonde hair. i prefer loose clothing to tight clothing. i have one or more piercings. i have at least one tattoo. i have blue / green eyes. i have dyed or highlighted my hair. i have gotten plastic surgery. i have or had braces. i sunburn easily. i have freckles. i paint my nails. i typically wear makeup. i don’t often smile. i am pleased with how i look. i prefer nike to adidas. i wear baseball hats backwards.

H O B B I E S  &  T A L E N T S

i play a sport. i can play an instrument. i am artistic. i know more than one language. i have won a trophy in some sort of competition. i can cook or bake without a recipe. i know how to swim. i enjoy writing. i can do origami. i prefer movies to tv shows. i can execute a perfect somersault. i enjoy singing. i could survive in the wild on my own. i have read a new book series this year. i enjoy spending time with friends. i travel during school or work breaks. i can do a handstand.

R E L A T I O N S H I P S

i am in a relationship. i have been single for over a year. i have a crush. i have a best friend i have known for ten years. my parents are together. i have dated my best friend. i am adopted. my crush has confessed to me. i have a long distance relationship. i am an only child. i give advice to my friends. i have made an online friend. i met up with someone i have met online.

M I S C

i can fall asleep in a moving vehicle. i am the mom friend. i live by a certain quote. i like the smell of sharpies. i am involved in extracurricular activities. i enjoy mexican food. i can drive a stick-shift. i believe in true love. i make up scenarios to fall asleep. i sing in the shower. i wish i lived in a video game. i have a canopy above my bed. i am multiracial. i am a redhead. i own at least three dogs.

Tagging some friends @natcatsama and @eternalknoxy if any of u guys wanna do these!

#tag games

#about me

[im-gonna-liveforever]

ITS HECKIN TWISTED APPRECIATION WEEK SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS (part 1/2)

“YEAH THAT’S RIGHT I’M GONNA YELL ABOUT THE SOUNDTRACK LIKE I DID LAST WEEK BC TWISTED IS A GOOD HECKING MUSICAL WITH A GOOD HECKING SOUNDTRACK

(Now with favorite lines! bc why not, right?) (favorite lines either there bc I like the lyrics in that part or I really like how it sounds within the song)

I’m not a professional music person (I’ve been in band for several years and I’m pretty good, but I don’t know anything about music theory or anything abt singing) but AH WELL, I LIKE RANTING ABT MY SPECIAL INTERESTS AND THE INTERNET IS A GOOD PLACE TO FEEL LIKE I’M TALKING TO SOMEONE, SO HERE WE GO

(also there’s definitely going to be Twisted spoilers under the cut (for act one, at least), so watch out if you haven't seen it)

(also also I split this into two parts bc it’s getting late and as you can see by how this progresses, I got sleep deprived quickly plus it got way too long. This is part one with all the first act songs, part two will have the second act songs and should be up by tomorrow.)

OK THE OPENING NUMBER RIGHT?? THE INSTRUMENTALS?? THE HARMONIES??? THE GENERAL SAJKFDASJKFHDSJK???!?!? Like, it literally sounds like a Disney song but they cuss! It’s amazing!! (And all the citizens?? Comedy gold, every one of them, I swear) (AND THE FUCKINGJDSJKJDSKL SOPRANO PART???!? I’M C R Y I N G I FORGOT WHAT HER NAME WAS BUT SHES SUCH A GOOD SINGER THANK YOU FOR YOUR VOICE)

Favorite lines: 

“May the Rats ejaculate upon you!” “Thank you, thank you very much!”

“Why is everyone in the kingdom white?” “Uhh... Jafar?” 

“But ugliness permits a man to use his wits, ‘cause pretty people never have to try”

“UGLY OLD JAFAR!!”

pretty much  the whole song past the line “Why am I the only one who sees things as they are?”

Specifically “I want to be a cat!” “Wha-” “FUCK YOU!”

But more specially “Whistle while you swallow a spoonful of sugar and your dreams will come true upon a star!!!!” bc OH MY GOD IT’S BEAUTIFUL

Everyone listing how they want Jafar to die

ALSO SPECIALLY THE LAST 30 SECONDS BC AHJSAHJKADS (everything at and past the lines “and if we dream a little harder/ our patience and our honor...” etc.)

OK I STEAL EVERYTHING TIME! ULTIMATE CHAOS SONG, AND I LOVE. BE THE EVIL GREMLIN YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD. Also: the jazziness?? the opening instrumentals??? it’s so good. To the people playing the instrumentals for this musical: ,,,thank you,,,.,. (Also I learned recently that most of Jeff’s songs are in my range so guess who’s gonna try and learn this song?)

Favorite lines:

“Fetch, ya fucks!”

Did I mention the instrumentals?? bc hfhhhjdklsajk They seem simple but they’re also going ham and I love it

“Monkey thought we should just kill you, but I said ‘No, monkey, that’s crazy’ but now I’m thinking, yeah, no more fucking raisins...’“

“Thanks but no, thanks, ‘The Man’“

Honestly every line in this is golden, but I can’t put them all in and that sucks

“You’re only in trouble if you get caught!” “Aladdin?” “I’m in trouble!”

“Just one question, why, man?” “’Cause you stole my daughter’s hymen!” “That’s completely fair, but, in my defense, dude, your daughter’s hot!”

EVERYTHING AND MOOREE!!! SHE WANTS IT ALL AND I’M CRYING BC SHE SOUNDS BEAUTIFUL WHILE DOING SO. (I just realized that there’s 14 songs on this soundtrack and I’m sorry in advance for how long this post A) already is and B) is going to get) This song is so dramatic and that somehow fits the mood of her character and I love it so much and just ahdshjkds. Also it’s just?? So pretty????

Favorite lines:

“But it’s just like, whatever”

“I just want to be free so badly! You slaves could never understand. :(”

“You’re probably thinking, she’s got everything. Well, it’s true, ‘cause I do, but so the fuck what?”

“I WANT THE MOON! I WANT TO LIVE ON THE MOON! And eat it in a pie! And keep it as a pet! and wear it like a gemstone in my hair!”

“As I laugh in their faces of moonbeam pie!!”

“It’s enough to make me with I were lowly and poor... But like... with money!”

THA GOLDEN FUCJKLCIODIGN RULE. LIKE HOLY SHIT I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH. AND THE DANCING THEY DO WITH IT IN THE SHOW ITSELF??? IT’S THE BEST. THE FIUCUING BEST. I’M CRYING. THE DANCING IS SO  GOOD. AND SO IS THIS SONG. Also, it’s the #1 Starkid song I’d be comfortable showing to my mom, which is a definite plus! (I could also show this to my church pastor and he’d?? definitely like it, so that’s also a definite plus) And everyone’s so nice to Jafar, espically compared to the opening number and it just makes me so sad and let me give Jafar a hug, goddammit. ALSO also please let me meet the saxophone player and shake his hand, I don’t play saxophone but what he’s doing here is amazing. WAIT ALSO ALSO ALSO MAY I MEET THAT FLUTE PLAYER BC I’M JUST NOW HEARING THE FLUTE (AND HOW DID I NOT NOTICE IT BEFORE, I PLAY THAT INSTRUMENT???) AND I’M FUCJKIGDFONG HOLY SHIT JSUT FUCKINGJDSJKL ;BOUNCE AROUND ON THOSE NOTES WHY DON’T YOU I’M SAJDSKCDSJS

Favorite lines:

“Why it’s as easy as a 1,2,3,4!”

“Always treat others like sisters and brothers!” 

all of the lines just sound so good, I can’t choose 

The way Dylan Saunders says “Man” that that first time, like holy shit

The whole conversation between Omar and the thief

[completely monotone] “My hunger blinded me and forced me to act like an animal.”

AND THEN OMAR AND THE THIEF SING THE PART AND IT SOUNDS SO GOOD

The “boop boop bop doop zeep do-wow!” in the background during that part

“Good luck Jafar! And! Re! Mem! Ber!”

And then the whole ensemble sings it and it sounds so good

oh good god we’re not even 5 songs in yet i’m so sorry 

GOLDEN RULE: EVIL REPRISE, OR, AS I CALL IT, “GOLDEN RULE WENT EMO BUT I STILL LOVE AND SUPPORT THEM”. Those dissonant sounds at the beginning? beautiful. All the random evil laughter? amazing. Whatever the heck the saxophonist is doing at the end? breathtaking, give me more. Joe Walker’s voice?? just fucking dhdsfjkfdlashjdsfklhfdsjkl

Favorite lines:

“Lets him rule the land WITH an iron fist!”

“The prize for winning? MORE GOLD, HAHA! And the game begins again!”

[sarcastically] “’Follow the golden rule’? Boy don’t be such a fool!”

“Follow the gold! Follow the gold! Follow the gold!” “AND RUUULE!!”

DID I MENTION THAT FUCKING SAXOPHONE PLAYER BC DUDE FUCKING AHSDJKDFS

the final “And Rule!”

Don’t be fooled bc this one is so short, it’s nearing midnight for me and also this song is really short. In reality, I fucking love this song and it’s one of my absolute favorite starkid villain songs and also one of my absolute favorites from this musical.

A THOUSAND AND ONE NIGHTS IS SOME FUCKINGNDSKLJ; GOOD SHIT I’M. Also, I don’t listen to it enough, so I’m giving y’all a running commentary as I listen to it for the first time outside of watching the whole musical 1) I love accidentals and key changes, and i’m,,, crying just the first verse is so good already, why haven’t I listened to this song enough 2) I’M CRYING I WANT TO KNOW THEIR STORY TOO THIS IS WHAT LOVE IS I’M CRYINGHJFDSJKSD 3) they keep using the word “’twist” and i’m ahsdhjkds bro 4) DYLAN YOUR VOICE. YOUR VOICE, IT’S TOO GOOD. IT MUST BE STOPPED, YOU’RE TOO GOOD, DYLAN 5) “LINGER OVER EVERY PART” OH MAN IT SOUDNS SO GOOD. SO GOOD. AHHHHHHDSHJDSFKLHJK 6) OK I’M LIKE ACTUALLY CRYINGN NOW THEY’RE IN LOVE. THIS IS WHAT LOVE IS. OH  GOD OH FUCK 7) AND THEY SOUND SO GOOD, TOO, WHY HAVEN’T I LISTENED TO THIS SONG ENOUGH AHDHJKLDAS

OK I haven’t listened to this song enough to have favorite lines just yet, also I want to at least get to the end of the first act before I go to bed and it’s already midnight rn, so we’re going ahead and moving on (so sorry!)

IF I BE-FUCKIN-LIEVED. OH GOD. THIS ONE. THIS ONE IS SO GOOD. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. THE FLUTE, THE WORDS, THE SINGING LIKE GODDAMN. This one is also kinda within my range so I’m also trying to learn to sing it bc it’s just that good (cons of being a contralto: you get no female songs in musicals, pros of being a contralto: you get all the cool higher tenor songs) The raw emotion in his voice??? I’m crying??? The strength and soul and beauty and just ashjdskl;jdsfkl; it’s so, so beautifully and wonderfully amazing

Favorite lines:

“Science says you’re dead and gone forever! Reason says I’m talking to the air! But something in my heart, some secret, hidden part, illogically insists that you are there! Somewhere!!”

“Perhaps it’s not too late, to change the course of fate?”

“‘Cause after all, I must be pretty great... if you believed in me...”

Again this song is really short and there’s not a lot of lines to choose from and also I love them all and dfhjskdskjl this is just such a good song

I’m still crying

ORPHANED AT 33!!! [insert Peggle 2 gif] CHAOS... T W O!!!! HE’S MR ORPHAN, AKA CHAOS MAN (NOW WITH A MUSICAL NUMBER!) (I’m also trying to learn this one bc let me splurge in trying to teach myself Twisted songs, ok?) He’s being tragic and over-dramatic and it’s a beautiful song! and I also love how in the studio version, he doesn’t mention that they died earlier that year, so it almost comes as a shock when he says “when I was orphaned at... thirty-three” and it just makes the song that much funnier, trust me

Favorite lines:

I know I said this abt most of the other songs up to this point, but can I say all the lines? because all the lines

“[My parents are] dead... that makes me an orphan :’(”

“‘Cause my story’s just too saaad!”

“They call me a jerk off! a burn-out! A punk! But I can’t let that stuff in my head!”

“All things considered, I think I turned out pretty good! I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and started s t e a l i n g  a l l  I  c o u l d!”

”I’ll make it through somehow, despite being so sadly and crushingly all alone...”

“I’ll BREAK THE CHAIN!! YOU’LL SEE!!! I’M GONNA L I V E  F O R E V E R!!!!1!111!”

The last “thirty-three” bc Jeff oh my god what is that voice

HAPPY ENDING TIME, HECK YEAH!!!!! THIS SONG,,,, SO, SO GOOD, I’M A FUCKING SUCKER FOR SONGS WITH MORE THAN ONE PART THAT ALL END TOGETHER IN A HARMONY. THAT IS PEAK MUSICIANSHIP AND JUSTHSDHJFKSAD Also someone pointed this out to me, but the way to goes from Aladdin’s weirdly horny lines straight to the princess going “oh Aladdin, you poor, innocent soul :(” is just the funniest thing to me. And how it calls back to thier own solos, I’m???!? OH AND INSTRUMENTALS AGAIN. THE BAND FUCKING KILLED IT WITH THIS MUSICAL, IT’S SO, SO GOOD JUST AHDSJKLAKKFAnd the energy in it?? The excitement for the next act??? I’m pumped!! Are you pumped?? WELL GET READY BC YOU WILL BE

Favorite lines:

Yet a-fucking-gain I love every goshdarn line in this song, it’s just too good

“They’ll throw a parade in my honor, with peacocks and monkeys galore!”

“The people will cheer!” [cool guitar bit]

[Jafar’s relatively calm part ends] [electric guitar starts back up and Aladdin jumps on stage] “I CaN’T wAiT tO bE A RicH DUdE!!!11!1!″

“Stealing is so much easier when you’ve already got tons of gold!”

“I’ve got my eye! On what money can’t buy! ‘cause that princess is OH! Hella tight! I’ll be the one who plunders her cave of wonders! I’ll get my happy ending tonight!”

“My innocent Aladdin!”

Yes i’m fully aware I put pretty much Aladdin’s full part in there, stop judging me, it’s a good part

“It puts a damper on our love if you don’t have a head” 

“So with with your permission, I’d like to bring back your bride!”

just. Jafar’s whole fantasy where he’s happy with his wife. I’m crying again, please just let him be happy

THE ENDING PART WHERE THEY ALL START UP AND BRING UP THIER OWN HOPES FOR THAT NIGHT AND THEY SING THE FINAL”TONIGHT!!!” ALL TOGETHER AND THEN THERE’S THAT COOL LITTLE 2 SECOND INSTRUMENTAL BIT AT THE VERY END IT’S JUST,.,, SO GOOD I’M DSJHDASHJKSDJK

Ok yeah that’s the end of the first act of songs! I should have the next part up by tomorrow, so get ready for more capslock and keysmashes and me generally being excited abt music bc MUSIC HECK YEAH DFFHADSJKHDAS

[makeyourownmyth]

Favorite Heard in 2018.

Same caveats, but even fewer.

There really weren’t any songs that everyone loved that I thought badly enough of to list as antis here. I will say that the Drake-ification of rap has had even worse effects that we thought it would, with mumblerap dominating everything. And there’s some notable absences on the lists, but those are definitely purposeful. 

Honorable Mentions:

Troye Sivan - Blue Neighbourhood. Bloom was OK, but it took me to Blue Neighbourhood, which I had somehow missed. He’s amazing, I’m in love.

Black Panther Soundtrack. The Kendrick influence and brand is strong, but it’s really the more outlier-y style songs (like “Redemption”) that make this album as good as it is.

Alex Lahey - I Love You Like A Brother. This album actually came out last year, and it should have been on my list then and it wasn’t and I’ve spent a year embarrassed by that fact.

Billie Eilish - She didn’t actually release a new album this year, but all the singles were great and she’s a phenomenal talent.

Travis Scott - Astroworld. If this list would have been completed the month Astroworld came out, it might have been #1. But it lacks the sticking power to make something part of the truly good list. But he definitely made me a believer after spending time being at least partway a hater.

The Internet - Hive Mind. This album is good with a side of weirdness. Earl’s album is weird with (maybe?) a slice of goodness. And yet his album is ending up on a bunch of best of lists and Syd’s band isn’t. That’s wack. This one’s the winner if we’re comparing the two. But we don’t even need to do that. This one stands up all on its own.

Meek Mill - Championships. From the banging intro to the collab with Drake to “What’s Free” with Jay and Ross, this one goes hard. It’s a great Meek Mill album. You know exactly what you’re getting.

Pusha T - Daytona. Better than all the other rap albums on this list, almost made the real list. He’s so good at what he does, and “If You Know You Know” is one of the best openers of all time.

Tierra Whack - Whack World. If you haven’t heard this album, you should be ashamed. It’s only 15 minutes. Go listen! Then appreciate it and listen to it again. It’s great. She’s gonna do amazing things. 

Jeff Tweedy - Warm. I’ve been thinking about Jeff Tweedy and Wilco a lot this year, maybe because I read the book Learning How to Die. And I know this isn’t a Wilco album, so I know it’s apples to oranges. But I can’t shake this thought, regardless. I’m not sure there’s another band we have whose “universally acclaimed ‘best’ album” is almost certainly NOT their “best” album? I mean, post-YHF Wilco is super different. They stopped trying to be that band, but between Sky Blue Sky and A Ghost is Born and now this solo record, I’m pretty sure those albums (and this one, which I know isn’t a Wilco album) are actually better? It’s just really, really, really good. 

boygenius - boygenius. The best thing about this EP is that all the songs are solid and some are lifetime best material. The worst thing is that we’ll probably never get this collaboration again. 

Beach House - 7. Shockingly good after their odd turns on the last couple. I’m not ready to have complete faith in them just yet, but I’m glad they’re coming back around. 

Snail Mail - Lush. Solidly good, almost to great territory. Soccer Mommy got all the love, but I think this album is actually better? 

Charli XCX - Pop 2. It’s good. She deserves more credit than she gets, and she already gets a lot. 

Soccer Mommy - Clean. Not as good as the near-universal critical acclaim, but still a very strong album.

Cat Power - Wanderer. That cover of “Stay” is incredible all on its own, but the album really holds up on its own merits too. I can’t believe she’s still making music this good. 

Chvrches - Love is Dead. It took me a couple listens to actually think it was good, but it is. It’s a side step from their last 2, which I don’t love, but I’m happy they’re doing what they want to do. 

Buddy - Harlon & Alondra. Remember when he was next up and had an awesome voice? It seemed like his potential was gonna go untapped, but this album shows it’s not dead yet. It’s not quite Best material, but it was unfairly slept on. 

Best Songs:

"Backpack” - Alex Lahey. Same comment as her album. I know this came out last year. But I’ve spent a year being embarrassed by forgetting it, and she deserves a spot. 

"Thank U, Next” - Ariana Grande. Sweetener wasn’t bad, but this was way better. It took Mac dying, her concert tragedy, and breaking up with Pete to get the best Ariana we’ve ever had. 

“DJs Gotta Dance More” - A Trak. This is the type of song that I could listen to non-stop for the rest of my life and be perfectly content. 

“Missing U” - Robyn. She’s a queen. What do we expect? It’s solid gold. 

Dirty Computer Quartet - From the start of “Screwed” until the end of “Make Me Feel” Janelle Monae has my heart for all time. It doesn’t get much better. 

9. “Nice For What” - Drake. He’s fine. The best thing about this song is the Lauryn Hill. But it’s catchy as hell.

8. “Apeshit” - The Carters. It’s been a long time since my jaw dropped on a consistent basis listening to Jay. I’m happy it’s happening more, and even more with his wife outrapping him.

7. “Havana” - Camila Cabello. Earworm.

6. “Lemonade” - NERD. The Vampire King returns, recruits Rihanna to rap, and it sounds so good.

5. “Shallow” - Lady Gaga. I honestly haven’t even seen the movie yet, but this song is almost perfectly crafted. It sounds like it could have come out of any classic era. It does exactly what it aims to do. 

4. “Look Alive” - Blocboy JB. I don’t really even want to talk about how good this song is. It bugs me how good it is. 

3. “I Like It” - Cardi B. The album wasn’t bad, but she literally could have released just this song, and it probably would have sold just as many copies as the album did. The perfect song for driving during summer with your windows down. 

2. “The Story of Adidon” - Pusha T. My favorite song of the year. It taught the kids about real rap beef. From the cover art to the line about 40, it was shocking. Did he go too far? Yes. Do I think he shouldn’t have? No. Too bad the kids all ignored it and still rock with the Canadian. 

1. “Girls Like You” - Maroon 5. The most perfect pop song of the year. It sounds like it was cooked up in a magical song laboratory, and I don’t mind that at all. 

Best Albums:

7. Kacey Musgraves - Golden Hour. This album goooooeeeesssss in. She sings about all the typical things you’d expect from a country album, and then changes directions, too. 

6. Mac Miller - Swimming. We can’t ignore the fact that his death almost certainly affected the placement of this album. But even if he was still with us, Mac was progressing and growing, just like he has with every single album, and this would have been a serious contender. I still can’t listen to it without crying.  

5. The Carters - Love is Everything. Continuing the trend of old people being able to rap and do it well is an important reason this album gets to be this high. Also, it puts on fitting cap on the Lemonade/4:44/Love Trilogy. 

4. YG - Still Dangerous. It’s crazy how shit falls off when you don’t have a press-baiting single like “FDT” but YG is still making crazy good music. This album is not as good as the last 2, but it’s still super important to have an older perspective out there, representing for Cali G Funk in 2018. 

3. Vince Staples - FM! I will never forget where I was when I heard this album for the first time, and that’s an increasingly rare thing. In a time when there’s plenty of weirdo kids who are really good rappers, with the amount of praise that Vince gets, it’s still a possibility that he’s UNDERrated. He’s a voice we need, and this album is a perfect little piece that he created to share that voice. Everything he’s done has been great, and this is no exception. 

2. Janelle Monae - Dirty Computer. Give me all Janelle everything. This album could easily have been #1. Every part of it feels purposefully thought out and well executed. The video version was great, the singles are all bangers, the lyrics are necessary, and the themes are pushing all the right buttons. 

1. Camp Cope - How to Socialise & Make Friends. I knew from the moment that I listened to this album that it was going to be my #1 in December. The fact that I’m still writing that in December, when the album dropped in March, is a testament to its staying power. From “The Opener” to the very last track, there’s not a moment of let up. These kids are super promising, and they have already done something phenomenal. I cannot wait to see what comes next for them.