#thank god they got rid of the bisexual guy though. he was not fun to watch and he and kimberly imo have 0 chemistry

[biblicalhorror]

I think (?) I like where they're going with Kacey and her arc so far, especially w the introduction of her mommy issues, but her last scene with her mom felt verrryyyy forced to me. Like how all it took was her standing up for herself one single time to get her mom to drop the jacket thing, AND still be willing to take a picture with her? Like, you're telling me the first time the daughter of a narcissistic mother ever talks back to her, she DOESNT throw a dramatic hissy fit to retain emotional control? It was a bizarre characterisation turnaround from literally 1 scene before imo

[sallyface-incorrect]

The Struggles of Having ADHD

- Only Being able to sleep either 2 hours or 16, there’s no in between. I am legit typing this at 3:02 am because I can’t sleep and I haven’t slept that much and it sucks. Summer is for sleeping, not for stress.

- Not being able to remember basic information about someone like their name, but being able to remember that they once told you that their great great aunt had a mole on her foot the shape of Texas. True story btw, sorry Amber.

- Feeling like your being rejected if your friend can’t make it to hang out with you because of family reasons. RSD is a bitch. Like the tiniest thing can make you feel rejected. Ie, your mom telling you not to be so loud, someone asking why your sneezes are so loud, someone asking you to return their pen, etc.

- Having your medication ware off/forgetting to take it and being the most annoying bitch in the galaxy. I once went on a school trip and my meds wore off and I ended up spending the 2 hour bus ride back annoying the guy who was trying to sleep in front of me, again, I am so sorry Max.

- IDK if it’s just me but, chewing on literally everything. Bottle caps, paper, fabric, rubber (my favorite), and much more. I used to get punished all the time for chewing on things I wasn’t supposed to. Nail biting is also a big thing. And so is hair chewing.

- Being told “You’re too smart to have ADHD”. Well Susan, I have a neurological devolpmental disorder, I’m not retarded.

- Either giving too much information or not enough when in conversation, and also bringing up really irrelevant things in the conversation like, I know we’re talking about the Louisiana Perchance but can I tell you about this one time it rained and I saw a snail?

- Being botherd by loud and/or repetitive noises. Pen clicking and high pitched sirens make me want to scream. They suckkk harder then Travis wants to suck Sal’s dick. And the worse is when people think you’re weird or that you have a problem with them for asking. I understand you like to click your pen and I’m so sorry it’s just so loud...

- Being afraid of your friends rejecting you. Again, RSD is a bitch. Like you’re afraid that one day your bestie will get up and leave and never come back and it’s all your fault and you suck and ughhhhhh. You’re also afraid their s/o / parents hate you and one day they’ll convince them to just leave you.

- Medication is a godsend but it’s also problematic. The stuff that I take fucks up my sleep schedule, my appetite, and make me tired and nauseous. It also gives me headaches and belly aches :(

- Either being so hungry that you also eat everything in your fridge or being so not hungry that even the concept of food disgust you. And sometimes, you even throw up because food is so gross and you’re gross and all that gross is inside you and eww.

- Intense, powerful migraines. They get worse in the winter months. Last year I took almost a week off of school because my migraines got worse and worse and worse and I couldn’t do it.

- Having no measurement of personal space or how to physically interact with someone. I just said hi, do I hug you, do I high five you, idk? Like idk how many potential friendships I’ve fucked up because I was too handsey.

- Being really particular about the type of clothing I wear. I love LOVE long sleeve shirts/ sweatshirts/ sweaters/ hoodies and shorts. I also love to wear socks around the house. I hate HATE wearing socks with shoes though, it makes me anxious. I also hate wearing certain types of pants. I literally only have 2 - 3 pairs of pants I’ll wear because pants sometimes feel like a tent and I hate that.

- Not being able to loose weight. I’m not fat, or chubby, I mean I have abs for God’s sake! It’s just that I have thick ass thigh I h a t e and I wish I could just get rid of them but my medication prevents me from loosing all that weight. On the bright side, I can eat a lot and not gain weight either.

- Having certain little routines you can’t skip. For example, every morning I must shave my legs and brush my hair or the world will end. I also must have all the doors and windows closed or else I’m gonna scream.

- Also idk if this is a problem for anyone else but doors and windows being open. I can’t stand it, I mean please, I don’t care that you’re just coming up for 1 thing but p l e a s e for the love of g o d, close the door that leads to upstairs. Having it open just isn’t right.

- Hyperfixiating on something for soo long that you forget to do basic hygiene like shower, use the bathroom, brush your hair, brush your teeth. It can get you in really big trouble but at least the job is done.

- Having a comfort item. Like I have this stuffed lamb whose name is “Lambchop” but I call “Lambie” and I sleep with them each and every night and carry them around the house with me when I’m home and if I’m upset I NEED to cuddle them bacuse it’s the only thing that will make the world go away.

- Being insanely good at certain academics and shitty at others. For example, when I was in 5th grade I was reading at an undergrad level and had the ability to understand science concepts a senior would be learning but my math was at the level of a second graders.

- Idk how to describe it but like, doing movements half way and the forgetting about them. Like this one time I was at a piano recital and I went to reach for something and forgot what I was reaching for so I just kinda held my hand up in a grabbing motion for half a song and then forgot about it until my mom reminded me to put it down.

- Not being able to understand that people don’t want to hear about your hyperfixiation. I’ve had 2 cases of this in my life, my “ghosts are definitely really and now this is my only personality triat” and my “I’m not a weeb but Tokyo Ghoul is so good now let me tell you all about the plot.” (Tokyo Ghoul gang REPRESENT)

- Having 3 different moods, hyperactive, normal, and cold. Like you’re normal most of the time but sometimes you’re sooo hyper that your an entirely different person, or sometimes you’re sooo distant you’re a different person too.

- Not being able to identify your emotions very well. Like, this guy just told me that my dad and my bestie are asshole who deserve to die in a fire, what am I feeling? Am I sad? Angry? Scared? Do I think this is funny? Am I gonna laugh? Cry? Idk, throw hands? Or the dreaded crush. Do I have feelings for this person or do I just want to be really good friends? Do I hate them? Love them? Am I gonna cry the next time I see them? Last time we hung out was fun but idk???

- Also like I mentioned, romance/sexuality is hard. Last time I dated I dated this guy I really liked, or at least I thought I did. We dated for three months before I blew it off because he asked to put his arm around me and it was weird when I said yes. Also sexuality. Idk if this is a problem for anyone else or just my bisexual ass. Like it’s so hard and I really like guys but hey, girls are hot. And like I like guys more than girls?? Sometime it makes me feel really fake.

- Really enhanced weird hearing. I know at least 80% of my classes drama because I have superhearing and I’m a literal hearing god bow down, bitch. I can hear the smallest of sounds and such, but for some goddamn reason I can’t understand how loud I’m being.

- Extestensial nihilism and just being cool about it. Like, dude, idk if there’s a god out there? I’d like to think there’s some sort of Devine power and we have a purpose but idk, we probably don’t have a purpose. I mean, we’ll be forgotten after we die anyway unless we’re Tom Holland. And love probably doesn’t exist either and it’s only stigmatized by movies and books and media and we’re all gonna get married and be miserable for ever and such. But like does it really even matter? In the end we’re all alone so go off I guess.

- Being really sensitive to smell. Certain smells drive me through the roof. For example, I have an extreme fish allergy and even smelling the slightest hint a salmon can give me a migraine so intense I think I’m dying. Or essential oils. Ughh I hate those. They send me through the roof.

- Being able to remember something you heard in a YouTube video you watched back when you were nine but not being able to remember when you birthday is some days because it really be like that.

- Being really good with little kids. Idk if everyone is like this but I am very childish myself and little kids love me. I have at least 3 little boys in 1st - 3rd grade who think I’m their girlfriend and 8 little girls in kindergarten - 5th grade who think I’m their big sister, it’s really sweet.

- Always apologizing is a big thing for me. When I was a child I used to get in trouble for saying sorry when I did anything and that carried to teen hood. Last year at my dance class my teacher noticed this and tried to help me break my habit god bless you Christine.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk bois. ADHD sucks but I know you can do it👌🏻

[mtvswatches]

Wynonna Earp 1x10 She Wouldn’t Be Gone

Spoilers disclaimer (please read before sending messages or writing comments.)

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) Bobo really has a thing for Waverly, and it’s creepy as fuck…

Waverly claimed she couldn’t wait for Wynonna to shoot him in the face, but to be frank, I really hope Bobo’s final confrontation is with Waverly instead of Wynonna. There’s so much history between them, and I feel Waverly would gain both a sense of accomplishment and some closure if she’s the one to put him down. I wonder if that’s possible, though…

Also, what’s Bobo’s plan here? Other than piss the Earps off, of course.

2) Dolls put a bug at the bar, and this is the first thing they here…

Bobo: Those Earp girls may be bangable, but they're a boil on my scrotum.

…which makes me feel super creeped out about the fact that Bobo struck up a friendship with little Waverly. Pedophile much?

3) Who the fuck was this girl, what was that mark on her face, and why was she eaten by a wolf?!

So many questions!

4) Evidence that the revenants are bisexual. Boom.

WAVERLY: They're talking about Dolls, guys! They're speculating that your penis is small!

5) I’m glad Wynonna and co were as confused as I was about Bobo buying the bar. Their assumption is that he did it to protect the revenants, given that Wynonna is not likely to kill them off in front of the bar patrons. I guess? I mean, it’s not like Wynonna hasn’t shot revenants in front of humans before… And as BTVS has taught us, no matter how weird what people witness is, they will always try to find a logical explanation to put it off their minds. So, I think getting rid of Bobo warrants a few scarred-for-life patrons…

6) So… the girl bore this Lou’s mark, who is Bobo’s number one enemy, apparently. They seem to have made some sort of pact and Lou was not supposed to cross into Bobo’s territory. And I think Lou was the wolf?

7) Uh-oh…

Bobo found the bug. That doesn’t bode well… 

8)

9) There’s absolutely NO way Wynonna didn’t see that…

10) Wait, wasn’t Whiskey Jim being tortured for information by Dolls? How did he end up in Bobo’s hands?

11) How are these two so soft and sweet and badass at the same time? My heart cannot take it…

12) I really liked how the confrontation between Wynonna and Dolls played out. At first, I thought she was honestly being vulnerable and purposefully giving him the flirty eyes and leading him on, which she has sort of been doing, and that seemed unfair to me. But she was just using his attraction to her against him in order to handcuff him to the car and find out what he was hiding.

13) So we can’t really trust anything Jim tells Wynonna and Dolls, considering Bobo instructed him to provide them with certain information. But I think there must be some truth to what he told them. There’s definitely some blood between Bobo and Lou, but I wonder if it’s really because Lou tried to overthrow Bobo. And I do have a feeling that he might be much worse than Bobo. But I’m guessing they’re not going to find them in Pine Barrens, like Jim told them…

14) This is actually some good advice…

WYNONNA: Those things are cockroaches to me.

DOLLS: Don't do that. Do not do that. I saw your eyes back there. They were cold and callous. Don't get all hard and forget that you're human. That you are you.

WYNONNA: I won't.

DOLLS: Just remember, revenants will say anything with a ticket to Hell pressed to their forehead.

15) In this episode of Man vs Car…

I love that he’s so perplexed by this gift and Wynonna’s gesture that the best use to make of it he can think of is smashing it to bits until Waverly suggests he could learn how to drive.

16) Woods 101? Always stick with your group. Amateurs…

17) Why does Wynonna always wake up in the weirdest places?

18) Is this Lou? And is he the leader of some kind of wolf cult or something?

19) Sounds accurate…

CULT GIRL: How can you tell the good from the bad?

WYNONNA: Um the good ones are usually scared. But they push past the fear, you know? And they do what's right, even when it hurts. Even when every instinct is telling them to do nothing, to survive. And the good ones are hotter.

20) Oh, I feel sorry for the cult girl, she was kind of sweet.

21) Of course, they’re caught…

22) Well, he does seem to know Bobo pretty well…

LOU: Bobo. That narcissist finally figure out that his stupid fur coat won't protect him?

23) So, the “mark” means that you’re no longer welcome in this “community.” Well, mark me down…

24) The rogue animals are coming after Wynonna, right?

WAVERLY: Every single girl on this list? Found dead, scattered around the Ghost River Triangle. Autopsies say that they were toyed with and then killed by animals that had gone rogue.

WYNONNA: Rabies?

WAVERLY: No. Just torture. Like, every single bone in their body broken, their skin licked off.

WYNONNA: This is why I don't do pets.

25) I knew that he’d be craving this after a night out in the woods…

But what the fuck is it?!

26) Wait…

Was this just a camera trick? Or is it something that he can actually do when he’s under the influence of whatever he’s been jacking up on?

27) He’s the cutest…

But was he trying to run off or something?

28) He was trying to run away. Because he doesn’t think Wynonna feels the same way as he does…

DOC: I have vanquished my enemy. I have taken her horse. I am finished here, Waverly.

WAVERLY: This was your plan the whole time.

DOC: No, this was your plan. You told me to learn to drive.

WAVERLY: I didn't mean leave Purgatory without a word!

DOC: I do hate goodbyes.

WAVERLY: Look, we need you, okay? She needs you.

DOC: She has Dolls.

WAVERLY: Can't you at least try? I mean, I'm trying with Nicole.

DOC: Difference is, she adores you back.

But I wish Waverly asking him would’ve been enough for him to decide to stay, you know? Not that I think he’s gone. God, I hope he’s not gone!

29) Wynonna’s message about what makes a person a “good one” really got through to Eve, and I love that. But… it seems a bit unrealistic that a girl who’s been part of a cult for who knows how long would turn against her leader after having a few words with an outsider, you know? I know they didn’t have enough time in one episode for them to actually develop a bond, but it would’ve been more effective if we would’ve seen them establish a connection and how Wynonna was helping her demolish the walls in her mind.

30) So, Lou is a skinwalker. I’m guessing that’s another way of saying shapeshifter?

31) In case I haven’t said it, I’m in love with Wynonna…

32) 

33) hOW THE FUCK WAS EVE ABLE TO SHOOT THE GUN?!

34) IS SHE FUCKING WILLA??!!!

DOLLS: She didn't remember anything - since Lou found her, huh?

WYNONNA: Yeah.

DOLLS: Prolonged psychological trauma can cause amnesia. She may have been brainwashed. Or she's lying.

WYNONNA: She's not lying. We thought she was dead.

DOLLS: Wynonna…

WYNONNA: We gave up. We stopped looking for her.

DOLLS: Wynonna. We don't know anything for sure. There could be 1000 reasons why Peacemaker worked in her hand, you hear me?

WYNONNA: Or there's one.

34) IT IS!!!????

36) Okay, I was not expecting that plot twist? To be honest, half-way through the episode I was feeling like it was a meh episode. Some fun moments here and there but I really didn’t see the point in this plot so far into the season. But now it all makes sense! There are two living heirs! It’s a great twist on the “chosen” mythology. I just assumed that the mythology in this show was similar to the one in BTVS, by which an Heir could only be called at the age of 27 when the previous one had already died… but this changes everything! This means that as long as they turn 27, they can all be heirs. Could this mean that Waverly could be an heir at some point? That would mean she can actually be the one to kill Bobo off! I also have so many questions about Willa. Does Wynonna’s father’s relationship with Bobo have something to do with the fact that she was taken? Did their father hand her over to them? Was she the reason Lou left town? Did the girls’ father and Bobo team up against Lou and Willa was one of the sacrifices they had to make? SO. MANY. QUESTIONS!

37) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

[icequeenjules26]

All I Want (For Christmas) Is You

Summary:  Dan Howell's life as a student of modern piano music is completely turned upside down when he is grouped in an assignment with Phil Lester...

Word Count: 7,2k

Tags: University AU, Fluff, Pianist!Dan, Guitarist!Phil, 

A/n: This is written for @babethepig for the Phandom fic Fests Holiday Exchange. As always the biggest ever thank you goes out to my love @succubusphan, who spent a lot of time beta’ing this. You’re the best. <3 

Read on A03

Dans schedule was a proper mess this semester. His decision to specialize in modern piano music got frowned upon not only by his parents but also by his Uni, so his curses were not nicely fit together anymore. He had a lot of free time in between, but his time gaps were too short to get back to his dorm, so he mostly stayed on campus, spending his free time in one of the multiple coffee shops around or with his friend Louise, who was assigned a dorm room much closer to campus than he was.

 That’s how he caught wind of it first.

 He had always been good at playing the piano, the time at uni had only helped with that, obviously; but that he was supposedly the best in his studies had always sounded like an exaggeration. There were a lot of piano students, so he had tried toning down the people talking about him, directing them to someone else. Aside from his musical ability there wasn’t much interesting about him, though, so he had drifted out of the other students’ eyes - at least aside from the talk about whoever was supposed to be dating this week. His open bisexuality made for a large pool of possible suitors, but there were students much more interesting to talk about.

 Now, though, he was back inside of the rumor mill, and right in the center.

 It started off innocently enough.

 “The instruments students are doing trios this year, did you hear?” The two girls in the booth right next to his were chatting animatedly with each other, obviously unaware of him just sitting half a meter away. “Yeah, I’m so excited! We haven’t seen Dan Howell performing for a while, which is a shame. Him at a Piano is enough to get me going to be honest.”

 Dan was already puffing out his chest like a peacock, debating on whether to go over there or at least make his presence known otherwise, when the other girl’s reply made him halt in his tracks. “I mean same , but have you seen Phil Lester lately? He got rid of his emo fringe and stuff. He’s scolding hot .” She layed extra emphasis on the word hot and in Dan’s head, two mindsets started battling over what to do. The first one expressed some kind of jealousy in a “I wanted to tap that girl”-kind of way, the other one wanted to spring onto facebook to check out the guy they were talking about, whose name sounded kind of familiar.

 Former emo fringe musician that got hot? Sign him the fuck up.

 Chuckling lowly about his screaming bisexuality he continued listening, his interest now peaked.

 “Well, they’re doing trios right? Just imagine both of them on stage together…”

 The other girl actually moaned at the thought and Dan couldn’t contain the smirk creeping on his face. He took a sip from his coffee, his still open laptop on the table in front of him long forgotten. He probably should be working on one of his assignments due this week, but the girls’ conversation was too interesting to ignore.

 Dan had to suppress some swearing when his laptop dinged with an incoming email. He could hear the girls whispering behind him when they looked over because of the sound, realizing who he was - “Oh my god is that Dan Howell?” and “Oh my god, do you think he heard us?” -  and he quickly leaned forward to appear busy.

 The email causing the ‘ding’ was actually about the assignment the girls had just been talking about. He packed up his stuff immediately when he had read through it. The list of assigned groups had just been hung out in front of his professor’s office and she invited all participants to a meeting in about half an hour on the other side of the campus, so he had to rush.

 ~~~

 Even the rushing didn’t help in the end, the unfortunate incident of a broken down bus costed him the time to check the list before the meeting started. When he got there he still had no idea who his partners were, so he didn’t understand the reason behind the quiet whispers that started when he set foot into the lecture hall. He managed to find his friend Louise quite fast and slid into the free spot next to her. “What’s the fuss about?” he asked her quietly but before she could answer, the door opened again and a group of professors walked in.

 Their looks varied about as much as those of the students sitting in the audience, making for a quite colourful group. For this assignment, nearly all rock-centered curses were thrown together, not only piano but also guitar, drums, bass, violin and multiple other instruments. The hall was packed full, but the arrival of the professors assured silence among the students.

 “Good morning everyone! Hopefully you all checked the list and are in the process of contacting your partners. Teamwork is the key for this assignment! Because of the number of students most groups consist of one piano student, one guitar student and one of another instrument, specifically arranged to play into your strengths and make you work on your weaknesses.” The young male professor’s voice rung soundly through the hall and Dan couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow. Prof. Smith, responsible for the guitar department and  specialized on rock music, was so completely different from his own professor and so cliché rock musician that it offended Dan’s believes; he fit the stereotype perfectly, including tattoo covered arms, piercings and wild, green hair, often sporting band shirts.

 Prof. Johnson, on the other hand, was nothing like her profession. She was a middle-aged woman with slim, neon green glasses and grey eyes that always seemed to shine with mischief. Her jet black hair fell in untamable curls onto her shoulders and she seemed to never leave the house without a nerdy T-Shirt, merch for some comic, TV-Show or movie. When she stepped forward, the whispers around the hall got louder and the grin on her face was so wide Dan couldn’t help but grin back. He liked his Professor, even if she tended to overstep her boundaries and was eager to make friends among the students.

 “If you have questions you can always turn to me or Mr. Smith, Mr. Miller or Mrs. Adams, or any of the other Professors involved,” she said, then paused for a second to let the murmures and voices ring out.

 “Now, we know this is a big thing among the student body, but we hope you can keep it as low as possible. Drama and relations, as fun as they are to watch for us, will only make your work harder. If you want to outplay this though, be assured I will be watching with a glass of wine and popcorn.” There were chuckles among the group and Louise next to him went red trying to keep in her laughter. Dan grinned at her and made a mental note to tell her about the girls he had encountered before coming here.

It took some time for the students to calm down, but when she continued speaking, Dan was shocked into silence. “That also goes for other students aside from yourself. The list is out for half an hour and the only duo involving Mr. Howell and Mr. Lester has already caused an uproar throughout the whole university, so please think about what you are causing when you speak about information like this next time.”

 The rest of the meeting went by in a blur. The professors informed them of the nature of the assignment - the whole thing had pretty much the built-up of a generic talent show. They had to cover one song each week in an open, on-campus concert starting in two weeks. Each week two groups would be voted out by the professors until three groups remained for the finale.

 At the end Dan didn’t remember anything the professors had explained to them. He would beg Louise for her notes tomorrow, but that wasn’t the important thing right now.

 The important thing was that he was supposed to perform with the one and only Phil Lester - and after a quick facebook check he realized why the name had sounded so familiar. Dan had had a crush on the cute and amazingly talented guitar player performing every saturday in a close-by coffee shop for weeks until he had disappeared. What made it even harder for Dan was the fact that the girls had been right.

 The guy had gotten hot as fuck.

 Louise’ mumbled keep it in your pants seemed almost impossible to stick to.

 ~~~~

 It took Dan around half a week to stop running from Phil. He kept himself busy with papers not due for at least a few more weeks and working harder for other assignments than he ever had before - he did anything that would make him forget about the short message from Phil awaiting him on whatsapp, where he introduced himself and informed him they were partners. The little dog emoji at the end of the message made him squeal like a schoolgirl, but that was exactly the problem. He had to keep it professional. Which would be difficult considering the increasingly hot pictures Phil posted on his facebook and instagram…

 On thursday Dan finally realized he wouldn’t be able to hide from this forever, as he couldn’t afford to fail this class. So he decided to suck it up and went with a generic confirmation and the question to set a time for their first rehearsal as a reply.

 On friday Dan was about as nervous as he could be. Fidgeting the entire morning, he changed his outfit for at least five times until Louise threatened to rip his whole wardrobe to shreds if he didn't decide soon. Her teasing didn’t make his job any easier though. He was supposed to meet Phil in less than half an hour in one of the practice rooms in the music building half a campus away and he was dying a little.

 “Do you really think I look okay?” he asked Louise, who was seated directly next to him on the bus, anxiously running his fingers through his brown locks. Louise caught his wrist mid-movement and forced his hand back into his lap before she patted it sympathetically. “You look great, Dan. Just don’t behave like the little schoolgirl you’re portraying right now, okay?”

 Dan couldn’t get rid of the blush creeping onto his cheeks for the rest of the bus ride.

 When he arrived at their booked practice room, Phil wasn’t there yet. Sighing in relief, he let his backpack sink to the floor before moving over to the piano, situated on a little pedestal in front of the window. He took a seat on the stool right in front of it and let his fingers run over the keys testingly. A series of notes rang through the air and he realized delightedly that the piano was pitched precisely.

 He let his fingers push the keys purposefully and before he knew it they strung together to one of his favorite songs. He started singing along, just for the fun of it; but he got completely lost in the music. At one point a second voice joined in, harmonizing with him to an unbelievable extend, but he didn’t even realize; it just sounded like it had been there from the start.

 Like it belonged there, ringing alongside his own.

 Only at the end of the song he realized what had happened. When the last note rang loud through the now deafening silence he whipped around, eyes wide - and met the bluest eyes he had ever seen.

 He wanted to avert his eyes, wanted to check who it was, but he couldn’t; for a few moments, he was frozen, lost in time, no connection to reality except for the blue he was drowning in.

 The moment shattered like glass around him when some kind of crashing noise pierced in from outside of the room and Dan was finally able to move his eyes.

 “That was beautiful,” a deep, melodic voice said and he couldn’t help but stare at the black haired figure standing proudly and tall at the other end of the piano, smiling at him reassuringly.

 Dan had to blink a few times and pinch himself covertly, but the picture in front of him stayed the same: Phil Lester, in all his delicious glory, eyes shining so bright Dan was sure he’d need sunglasses.

 “It was,” he agreed with a raspy voice, watching wordlessly as Phil made his way over to him. “I’m Phil,” he said, sticking out his hand in front of him and Dan had to gulp down his fast rising excitement. I’ll get to touch Phil Lester!!

 When it happened, when their hands touched, he almost flinched back. A warm feeling shot up his arm at top speed and for a second, he forgot how to breathe. Holy shit.

 “Dan,” he rasped back, staring up at Phil with wide eyes, not really sure what to do with himself, only one thought ringing through his mind - if touching Phil felt like that , how amazing would kissing him be?

 Obviously, the black haired guitar player was not as shocked as Dan. “So, do you think we found our song for the first show?”

 Just like that they slipped over into work - and working with Phil, Dan learned, was just as easy as breathing.

 ~~~

 The first week with Phil was like walking on clouds. The numerous holes in Dan’s schedule made for good practice times, and the fact that Phil didn’t have many classes this semester meant that he was there for almost every one of them. Work flowed easily and smoothly and on monday they were already done segmenting the song and deciding who would get to sing which parts.

 But not only the work went great, even their voices harmonized like they were meant to be heard together. They didn’t even need transitions between Dan’s singing parts to Phil’s, the changes from line to line went just as smoothly as the ones with longer instrumental intervals between.

 Tuesday evening they were basically ready to perform. Dan had his piano playing recorded as a playback to make him more flexible on stage instead of immobile behind a giant instrument. Phil’s guitar skills maybe didn’t quite match Jimmy Hendrik’s yet, but they were definitely up there, and he had the song down to a T. Neither of them had classes the next morning, so as they were leaving the practice room, Dan felt quite courageous from all the adrenaline still rushing through him after a perfect run - and he boldly asked Phil if he wanted to get a coffee somewhere before retiring to their respective dorms.

 Ten minutes later they were sat in a coffee shop right off campus. Dan chose a cozy little booth in the corner directly next to the window front while Phil went to get their coffees. When Dan took the first sip of his drink he almost spat it right back out, but instead moved to first eye the drink and then Phil suspiciously.

 “How do you know?” he asked, his voice almost high pitched as he narrowed his eyes.

Phil just raised an eyebrow into an almost perfectly shaped curve, looking at Dan questionably as he calmly took a sip of his coffee, not saying a word.

 “How do you know my order?” Dan specified and watched incredulously as Phil’s full, kissable lips spread into a wide grin. He could almost picture it, attaching his own lips onto his as they spread into the exact grin before the kisses started to get more serious, more heated, Phil’s fringe messed up, his cheeks red as clothes were coming off…

 Oh my god, stop betraying me, goddamn heart.

 “I didn’t. I just ordered two of my usual order.”

 Phil’s voice ripped him out of his daydream and for a second he couldn’t do much else than stare in stunned silence. “You drink caramel Macchiato, too?” he asked, blinking. Huh. He really hadn’t expected that from a guy as hot as him…

 Jesus fucking christ, actually shut the fuck up!

 Dan’s attraction to Phil had risen to an unhealthy level by now. Not only was he hot as fuck, no; during their practice time Dan also had had to learn that the guy was smart, funny, lively, and talented as fuck , even more than Dan remembered him to be. Dan was lucky the assignment, and working on the music kept him busy and focused, or else he would have probably jumped the guy by now.

 “It’s my all time favorite,” Phil confirmed, his grin transforming into a cheeky smile, and Dan couldn’t keep a blush from dusting his cheeks pink.

 “Mine too,” he admitted and took another tentative sip from his drink, purposefully avoiding Phil’s eyes. He knew that if he looked into them now, he would drown in them.

 For a few moments it was silent between them, both nursing their coffee, Dan deeply lost in thought about the blueness of Phil’s eyes.

 “So, Muse, huh?”

 It was Phil breaking the silence and Dan looked up, surprised. It took him a second to realize how Phil had even known he liked Muse , until he realized they had met while singing their song Thought Contagion before choosing it for their first performance. This time he was pretty sure he kept the blush at bay.

 “Yeah. I love them.”

 Phil’s mouth stretched into a happy smile, his eyes shining brightly, full of honest excitement as he started chattering about them. Dan had to gulp and pinch his hand unsuspiciously to keep himself from losing his mind .

 They moved from Muse to Panic! to Fallout Boy to Paramore and even further. Albums became scores, which lead the way to games, movies and TV shows. It was almost scary how much they had in common, how much their interests overlapped, and it actually took Dan a while to remember a question he’d had since he’d heard of the assigned groups.

 He used a temporary lull in conversation - one that he could have easily filled with something relatable to the topic they were on, mind you - to finally ask.

 “By the way, do you know why we are the only duo?”

 Phil raised his eyebrow, a cheeky smile back on his face and Dan knew there was a blush creeping up his cheeks yet again. He couldn’t help but feel like he missed something vital here, but he had no idea what exactly.

 “Did you not pay attention at the meeting?”

 Dan felt his eyes widen in surprise and blinked, cheeks even hotter than before. “I might have been… preoccupied ,” he admitted and Phil’s smile grew into a full-blown grin.

 “Prof. Johnson and Prof. Smith spent like ten minutes explaining,” he informed Dan, “Apparently the numbers didn’t match up and they had to have one duo, so they both chose their best student and realized we would be a good match.” He put special emphasis on the word match and for a second, Dan wasn’t sure if he would be able to stay conscious. Was he just making a joke… Or was Phil Lester really flirting with him?

 “We - we are,” he stammered in response and Phil’s chuckling send his heart into overdrive. Oh god. How was he supposed to survive at least 2 more months working with the guy?

 “I think so too,” Phil whispered back with a husky voice, making Dan choke on his long cold coffee.

 Fuck, these next weeks are going to be torture.

 ~~~

 The next monday morning Dan found himself in yet another on-campus coffee shop, putting the finishing touches on an assignment that was due today. Normally it was a break he would spend with Phil, but he had stuff to arrange with one of his professors, so they decided he would join up with Dan as soon as he was able to. They had managed to get a headstart on this week’s performance by starting working on it on saturday, so they weren’t in much of a rush. They had decided on a song and discussed divisioning on sunday already; it was only practicing left.

 Of course the performance on Friday had gone great. They had gotten a lot of applause by the watching students, the little hall on campus used for performances had been packed to the rim, so there had been at least a few hundred watchers. The professors had obviously also been satisfied with their presentation, considering they had informed them they would progress into the next round even before the whole show had been over.

 So Dan and Phil had spent their Friday night celebrating. Even though neither of them were really the party going type, they had agreed to go out for a few drinks with their best friends Louise and PJ - who, coincidentally, were in the same group - and Tyler, a music production student Dan had been friends with for years. He had flirted with Phil quite obviously and had teased Dan for his sour mood afterwards, but had assured him that Phil only has eyes for you, you dumbass, pay attention!, coupled with a playful whack on his head.

 The memory let Dan grumble absently, but the arriving of a group of students in the booth right behind him ripped him away from his trip down memory lane. “I mean, they’re both bisexual, right?” one of the girls stated while taking a seat, making him peek up immediately. He liked to hear stories about his fellow unicorns and regretted only becoming aware of this conversation after it had already started.

 “They are,” a guy’s voice confirmed. Dan was pretty sure he had heard the voice before, but he didn’t have the courage to turn around and check. He was lucky enough to not have been spotted by the group, he really didn’t have to push his luck.

 “Have you seen their sexual tension? I know you want to fuck them both, Caleb, but come on.” The female voice was followed by a male groan and the sound of a head meeting the tabletop. “I knowww,” was the answer, “I’m sexually deprived, not blind .”

 Dan raked his brain, trying to figure out who they were talking about. Being friends with Louise and Tyler meant that he was mostly up to date with recent campus gossip, and he really wanted to tell them about this later.

 “Did you know there’s already a bet going on? About if they’ll be dating by the end of this semester.”

 “Which idiot would even bet against that?”

 The booth erupted into laughter and Dan furrowed his eyebrows, thinking. He leaned forward, trying to appear busy, but in reality the assignment currently open on his laptop was the furthest thing from his mind.

 “Okay, but aside from all that they were the best group, even if it was just the two of them. They’re gonna win this thing, hands down.” 

Dan’s eyes went as wide as saucers as realization seeped into him. They weren’t really talking about -

 “Absolutely. Thought Contagion was brilliant, I’m so excited to see what they’ll come up with for the next round.”

 That was the moment Phil decided to make his appearance, ripping him out of his thoughts almost violently. “Morning!” he said, cheerfully, two cups of steaming coffee in his hands. He pushed one of them over to Dan after he had taken a seat.

 A look of confusion, even concern appeared on his face when Dan didn’t react, just continued staring at his laptop screen with his eyes wide open. “Dan? Are you okay? Have you seen a ghost?”

 The chatter behind him ended immediately. When he slowly turned around a group of seven people was staring at him, wide eyed. All of them scrambled to their feets as fast as they could. “You’re a cute couple!” one of the girls squeaked out, then they were gone, leaving Dan to explain the situation to Phil.

 Needless to say Phil wasn’t fazed at all, instead he used the story to make more flirty remarks, making Dan blush yet again.

 Damn, I’m fucked.

 ~~~~

Almost three months passed by in a rush and by december Dan couldn’t even recognize his life anymore. All the time he had previously spent alone in front of his laptop, browsing tumblr or watching Netflix, converted into Phil-time, slowly but surely. They played games or watched TV-Shows nearly every day after practice. Dan’s roommate had even asked him if he was moving out with all the time he spent away, but Dan couldn’t help himself. Phil lived in a flat near campus all alone. A tiny flat, sure, but it made for the best meetup place, especially for gaming or movie nights or for research about their next song - and it gave them some privacy. Not that much had happened yet aside from the increasingly flirty comments and occasional cuddle sessions, but it still made their friendship easier.

 Especially because they were now something like campus-famous and got recognized wherever they went.

 So far, they had aced most performances and were through to the last show before christmas break. After New Year’s there was only one show left before the big finale. They were pretty sure they had a good grade secured, but they still gave it their all - they had come so far, there was no way they were giving up now.

 In the upcoming show only seven groups were left and it was the first one with two mandatory songs, one optional and one christmas themed, dropping the rock theme just for this once. Since the last week was cut short - Christmas break started on thursday - they had an additional half week to prepare. Dan and Phil had decided on Panic! ’s High Hopes for the first song and Last Christmas for the second and as always, they had been quite fast with their work. They were practiced and basically done on Monday, so they allowed themselves the night off. Phil’s brother was in town and Dan had heartlessly neglected Tyler since the assignment started (his words), basically forcing Dan to spent the night with him.

 Fortunately Tyler had a lecture early the next morning, so he wasn’t trying to get himself or Dan trashed. He did, however, made use of the time by grilling Dan about his relationship to Phil.

 Dan was a bit annoyed, but at the end of the day he was glad to be able to talk about it, even if he would never admit to that. Louise and her group were still in the run for the finals too, which made her so busy they barely were able to talk for longer than a few minutes at a time - and he desperately needed an outsider’s opinion.

 It took him almost an hour to get Tyler up to date on what had happened, all the while getting interrupted by texts from Phil. Right when he was done explaining his phone dinged again, indicating another text.

 ‘the girl two tables over has a cute lil pup on her lap i keep staring she probs thinks i'm a perv help’ it read and he couldn’t help but chuckle. Tyler inspected him warily from across the table, absently playing with the straw in his half-empty cocktail. “Okay, who are you texting?” he asked then, fixing Dan with a steely gaze.

 “Oh, it’s just Phil,” he answered distractedly, typing a quick response before turning his attention back to Tyler. “Why?”

 “Are you shitting me?” he asked back, a fitting expression on his face like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Dan just answered with a surprised “huh?”, shooting him a confused look.

 “Mate, how dense can you be? You are basically dating the guy, only without the good parts!”

 Dan blinked, completely lost now, unable to follow Tyler’s train of thought. “What?”

 “You and Phil are dating, Dan, wake up! The only thing missing is the sex!”  Dan was stunned into silence, staring at Tyler like he had grown a second head. It took the thought a while to register in his brain, but then he blushed, taking a huge gulp of his drink before calling the waiter over to order another one.

 He needed more alcohol for this.

 ~~~~

 The show on wednesday evening went exceptionally well. They had the most fun rocking to High Hopes and got really festive during Last Christmas , with Dan at the Piano and Phil sat on top of it. Their professors called them over and into the next show immediately, making them giddy and high on adrenaline in the process.

 The christmas party thrown by the rock music department started directly afterwards and PJ and Louise, immensely proud of their best friends even though their own group had been voted out, insisted on going. Still in an after show rush they agreed, but soon realized why they normally didn’t like parties. It was loud, the room stuffed with people and the food was average at best, and it took them around twenty minutes to revert back to the snacks table, where they hid from the actual party.

 When Louise, PJ and Tyler of all people found them, sporting a cheeky expression, Dan knew they were fucked. They were leaning against a wall, talking and laughing with each other as much as the music allowed them to, and only a few people were inspecting them from afar.

 “Do you know where you’re standing?” PJ asked when the group was within earshot and Dan raised an eyebrow. “Next to the snacks table where we always are?” he remarked drily, making Phil chuckle next to him.

 “Look up!” Tyler singsonged with a high pitched voice and flattered his eyelashes with faked innocence.

 Dan perked up immediately. He knew that voice.

 He didn’t even need to look up to know what was fixated on the wall over their heads.

 “A Mistletoe!” Louise grinned so widely Dan was sure it had to hurt. He turned his attention to Phil, his heart throbbing in his chest on full speed.

 There was a cheeky smile on the guitarist’s face as he took a step closer, taking a hold of Dan’s head with both hands. “They want a kiss,” he murmured, lowly, “let’s give them a kiss.”

 The second his lips met Phil’s was like a firework going off everywhere inside of his body. For a moment he forgot where he was, hell, even who he was, just continued kissing Phil with passion and lust and love. He didn’t even hesitate opening up his mouth at Phil’s silent request to let him in, too far gone to care - hell, to even realize they had an audience.

 The kiss lasted for minutes and it probably could have gone on much longer if there wouldn’t have been a sudden outburst of applause. The blood took a second to reach Dan’s brain after having rushed somewhere south only seconds ago, but when it did, it immediately spread into his cheeks. They broke apart, Dan’s face still in Phil’s hands, silently contemplating the recent event.

 He had just kissed Phil Lester. In front of basically the whole rock music department.

 Great. Just great.

 The applause and whooping didn’t stop soon and he couldn’t do much more then to exchange a long look with Phil. They had a silent discussion Dan himself didn’t know the content of, until suddenly and with no indication there was panic on Phil’s face as he hastily let go of Dan and scrambled to get his phone out of his pocket. It was vibrating violently in his hands and Dan couldn’t even blink by the time Phil rasped out a “Shit! My brother is waiting for me!” and left in a rush.

 Dan stood there, staring after Phil until most of the students had averted their gazes from him and went back to whatever they had been doing before. When the ice in his veins freezing him into place finally dissipated, he groaned. He knew Phil’s brother Martyn was picking him up for Christmas with their family, and he wouldn’t be back until january.

 Of course. That’s just my fucking luck.

 ~~~

 He spent christmas break in some sort of limbo, like his relationship to Phil was Schrödinger’s cat, platonic and romantic at the same time. He knew the kiss had meant something not only to him but also to Phil, that much had been obvious with the way he had taken the offensive in deepening the kiss and how he had held him afterwards. But that was about the amount of information Dan had, and neither of them mentioned the kiss on any level, so he decided to just ignore the issue for now.

 It did made him jumpy and fidgety and mostly unable to focus, though, and only his frequent skype calls with Phil got him focused and concentrated enough to get some much needed work done.

 There were only two shows left, but they were only one week apart and both required three songs, so they decided to learn all songs over the break. They spent hours on skype, deciding on the songs and how to play and sing them, so they would be done learning their personal parts until they could meet back up in person.

 For a short moment, their reunion was like the sun had risen again. They hugged, soft words of attachment and longing on their lips, but then it was like someone had flipped a switch and they were back in working mode. Phil didn’t mention the kiss and Dan didn’t dare to, so they went back to Status Quo, just like that.

 The first show in the new year went okay-ish. Neither of them poured everything into it, already looking forward to the songs they had chosen for the finale, but they still managed to pull through. Their only truly memorable performance was The Black Parade by My Chemical Romance , which they definitely aced, but the other ones admittedly fell a bit flat. Both their professors urged them to not take it too lightly just because they had done so amazingly until now, so they swore to give everything they had in their last performances together.

 They were the first group performing in the finale. It wasn’t hard for Dan to get in the mood of their songs, considering they were all pining lovesongs and he would have the one he was pining after up on stage with him, so he was glad they got to go first. It made the waiting and anticipation in between easier, and waiting for the results when they were done didn’t mean much to him anyway - he didn’t care too much about winning.

 He just wanted to give his best, pour all his feelings into the songs when he was up there with Phil. He wanted to make it obvious that he meant every word he was singing.

 He wanted to get Phil to understand…

 In short, he just wanted Phil.

 Their first song was a soft piano interpretation of It’s not living (If it’s not with you) by The 1975 , and Dan was so entranced by Phil he forgot to look at his hands while playing. He didn’t make a single mistake, thankfully,  but if he would have made one he probably wouldn’t even have noticed. He benefited from the fact that he had practiced the piano part so often on the tiny piano in his childhood bedroom that his parents had asked him to please, please stop.

 They spent their break with a bottle of coke huddled together on a tiny sofa backstage, making loose conversation and trying to get their mind off of things. Dan basked in the close physical proximity and simply smiled when Phil just casually took his hand while he talked, playing with his fingers. He had a feeling that things would be going well.

 Dan had particularly fun during their next song. The Last Of The Real Ones by Fallout Boy was one of his favorite songs and he connected a lot of the lyrics to Phil. The piano playing was not an issue this time since they had both laid down their playing previously and conjoined it in a track, so he had all the time in the world to focus on Phil, which he took full advantage of. They riled up the crowd so much that Tyler, who had agreed to be the presenter of the night, had trouble getting them back in check for the next group.

 During christmas break, far away from Phil and his feelings, their next song had seemed like a good idea. It was romantic, emotional and full of love and Dan couldn’t think of any other song that would make his feelings for Phil more clear than this.

 Now, though, it seemed entirely too personal to perform in front of what felt like the whole Uni. During practice he had refrained from building too much of a connection, afraid of taking it too far, but now he didn’t have much of a choice and it made him more nervous than any other performance before. His hands were sweaty, his stomach was rumbling and he was ready to cancel the whole thing when Phil noticed the state he was in.

 “Dan,” he whispered, pointedly ignoring the other people lounging around backstage, completely focusing on Dan, “It’ll be okay. You will be okay. And I will be with you, right there by your side the whole time, okay?”

 It was in this moment that something settled in Dan’s chest. He returned Phil’s fond look with courage and determination, grasping his hand in his and squeezing it tightly. “Me too. We’re on the same page.”

 He was sure Phil caught the double meaning when his look got soft. “I think I always knew,” he answered quietly, almost inaudible. “Let’s do this.”

 ~~~

 Their last performance of this assignment was a complete success. They performed The Only Exception by Paramore sitting huddled together on the little Piano stool in front of the huge piano and didn’t take their eyes off of each other the entire time. It was so emotional Tyler had tears in his eyes when he came on stage, hugging first Phil, then Dan tightly, muttering a soft “go get ‘em, tiger” into Dan’s ear and Dan could feel his heart swelling.

 This was it.

 Backstage, thankfully, they were alone. Both of the other groups were nowhere to be seen, and Phil obviously noticed faster than him.

 Before he even had the chance to turn around from closing the door he was already spun around and pressed against the next hard surface, Phil’s lips attacking his own.

 For what felt like ages they were kissing furiously, like they had deprived themselves of this for far too long and now a dam had been broken down, nothing holding them back anymore.

 Once they were out of breath Phil separated their lips, lovingly gazing into his eyes instead. “I have waited for this for far too long,” he whispered quietly, softly, his hands on the sides of Dan’s head, his thumbs gently caressing his cheeks.

 “Me too,” he mumbled back, drowning in Phil’s eyes and feeling himself falling, falling; falling even deeper in love with him. “I meant every word I sang.”

 There was a beat of quiet, then:

 “I love you.”

 The words were muttered completely simultaneously, and for the single bat of an eye both stared at the other, stunned into silence.

 Then they were both dissolving into giggles, holding onto the other to keep from toppling over.

 “That,” Phil gasped out, “was so us.”

 Dan couldn’t help but agree.

 ~~~

 “Do you really think so, Badiha?”

 “I don’t know, Henry, but they did seem smitten during that song, don’t you think?”

 “True!”

 There was a group of at least five people seated in the booth directly behind Dan’s and even though he wasn’t that much of a gossip he couldn’t help but eavesdrop. He was busily procrastinating the work he needed to do until the next day, refreshing tumblr around ten times a minute, so it wasn’t too surprising the conversation distracted him as soon as it got loud enough for him to hear.

 “But they haven’t been seen in public with each other in ages aside from their performances. I just really want them to be happy with each other, is that too much to ask?”

 That was the first voice again. Dan allowed himself a short look at the group out of the corner of his eyes and recognized all faces he was able to pick up on. They had all been to the performance Phil and him did twice a week in a near bar ever since their joint assignment last year, he was sure of it. He mostly recognized them because of the person that had spoken first, a girl with the pride flag drawn on her eyelids. He remembered how she had attracted his attention during their first show because of her truly iconic makeup.

 “I know, right?!” a male voice joined in and this time Dan didn’t need the information practically jumping into his face to realize they were talking about him and Phil.

 After their win in the finale they had decided to keep their relationship at a down low, trying to make themselves comfortable with being boyfriends before they truly made it public. They were still pretty famous throughout the students and the center of the rumor mill, but they had been in a relationship for almost a year now and had only recently realized there was nothing to be afraid of if everybody knew. Most of them would be happy for them, and the rest of them, well -

 They’d just have to suck it up.

 That was the moment his boyfriend decided to show up. He slid into the booth, taking a seat directly next to Dan, pressing their thighs together. “Morning, love,” he greeted Dan gently, planting a kiss on his cheek before grinning happily. “Busy procrastinating?”

 “Yeah,” Dan replied extra loud, grinning right back, “but I’d rather kiss my boyfriend.”

 So they shared a short, cute kiss, making the group behind them gasp loudly. “It’s them,” the girl with the pride flag on her eyelids whispered into the silence stretching between them. Dan grinned.

 “It is,” he confirmed cheekily, turning around to look at her. “Very iconic Make-up by the way, I like it.”

 “Oh my god, thank you,” she answered, a blush becoming apparent on her cheeks and Dan’s grin only got wider before he turned his attention back around to Phil.

 “What was that about?” he asked with a raised eyebrow and his head cutely tilted to the side.

 Dan pecked him on the lips. “Had to make a point.”

 Phil looked back cheekily, a grin on his face so wide Dan was able to see his tongue poking out between his teeth. “A point about what?”

 Dan puffed out his cheeks, feigning huffiness. Phil knew exactly what this was about, and they were both aware of that. “You’re an idiot,” he said, pouting.

 “Yeah, but I’m your idiot.”

 Dan looked at him, eyes full of fondness and adoration and love. “Exactly.”

[timeisacephalopod]

Valhalla

I was watching Tammy, that Melissa McCarthy movie, and the scene with the jet ski was so amusing I decided to use it as a prompt. This is Thor/ Tony because @ash339273-blog has sent me enough thunderiron prompts to interest me in the pairing a little more lol.

Tony shows up at Thor’s with a grin and a jet ski attached to the back of a sports car that really shouldn’t be subjected to towing a crime around. “Hey honey. I um- can you blow that up? I figured you like setting stuff on fire, Loki likes blowing things up, could be a brother bonding activity and if it happens to cover some crimes I committed, well, I mean everyone wins,” he says, gesturing to the jet ski. 

Thor frowns, “how can you commit a crime on a jet ski?” he asks, squinting at it.

“Its best you don’t know what happened. Plausible deniability. So can you blow it up or no?” he asks.

Thor, because he’s an excellent boyfriend that Tony really doesn’t deserve, smiles. “Sure. Maybe Loki will stop lighting other people’s property on fire if we give him permission to light yours on fire,” he says.

Yeah, that jet ski isn’t Tony’s but Tony doesn’t tell him that in favor of getting rid of the evidence. Thor is too trusting, he decides, but also he’s going to take advantage of that shit. Thor moves aside to let him in and he goes, smiling when Thor closes the door behind him and settles his hand on the small of Tony’s back, leading him to the back yard where his friends are all currently sitting. Loki is there too looking surly with alcohol Tony is sure he isn’t supposed to have but Thor probably let him have it anyways so he can actually monitor how much Loki has drank.

“Tony is here,” he says as they walk out and Tony gives Natasha, Clint, Bruce, and Steve a halfhearted wave. He full well knows none of them really like him much but he’s got his own friends so what’s that matter? All two and a half of them are great. Granted after this week Rhodey might just cut his losses but Tony is sure he’ll come back. He always does. “And Loki, he has a jet ski for you to blow up,” Thor adds, grinning at his brother.

Loki glares at him suspiciously, “what did you do with it?” he asks, probably thinking up some good questions but Thor glares at him.

“Nothing, don’t be rude,” he says. Tony laughs a little, leaning into Thor’s side as he wraps his arm around Thor’s waist. 

Clint frowns, “did I just hear that there’s a jet ski to blow up?” he asks. Thor nods and Loki considers things for a moment before shrugging and accepting the offering. It might, Tony thinks, make him less likely to be a prick to Tony later. Apparently Loki has managed to scare off all of Thor’s exes except Val, who just punched Loki and he never bothered her again. Tony can’t say he blames him for that- he’s seen Val throw a punch and he wouldn’t want to be on the other end of one.

*

Thor looks like a dude bro, Tony had been forced to admit it after Pepper had given him looks, but he’s so not one. So the guy liked his backwards hats and ‘suns out guns out’ shirts- first of all he looks hot in both so Tony doesn’t see the crime. Second, that’s not who Thor is as a person and it shows as he drunkly tells some woman wearing a Wonder Woman pin that he loves Diana Prince and always wanted to be an Amazon as a kid but had been disappointed to find out they’re all women. But also go women.

Its actually how they met- at the advanced screening of Wonder Woman that Tony dragged Pepper to because he had to bring someone to this history moment and Rhodey refuses to watch super hero movies. So Pepper it was and then there was Thor talking to someone about Wonder Woman comics and Tony had jumped in with alternate time lines and twenty minutes and a long discussion of Diana Prince obviously being bisexual later Tony had been practically in love and Pepper discovered that his interest in the movie was not just a passing one. Not that he told anyone about his love of Wonder Woman thanks to Howard, but Thor isn’t much shy about it. 

Rhodey still hadn’t approved when they met but Pepper figured if anyone could manage to get Tony to argue for twenty minutes on which comic outfit was the best in the middle of a theater when his interest in the character was something he had been somewhat embarrassed by (thanks for that Howard) then he’s probably ok. Rhodey had eventually been won over when Thor told Tony that his liking pineapple on pizza was a sin against every god in every religion and offensive to his fellow atheists.

He probably would not approve of Tony’s crime committing ways and Thor helping him cover it up but hey, you can’t approve of everything. Plus Tony totally approves of these things so. “Tony,” Thor calls to him, throwing himself in the seat beside him and reaching out immediately. Tony smiles and links his fingers with Thor’s, smiling wider when Thor looks so happy he might just burst from it. He’s so unbelievably sweet and honestly it makes this relationship so much easier. “You ready to burn that jet ski? Loki has been eyeing it for hours,” he says and Tony snorts.

“Yeah, I’ve noticed. Lets go,” he says, standing and gently tugging a complaining Thor out of his seat. Its not Tony’s fault Thor sat down and was not forced to move- he was the one that sat.

Thor gets up anyways though, dropping Tony’s hand in favor of wrapping an arm around him and all but crushing Tony into his side while he drags him off to the jet ski. Loki grins at it before he turns to Thor, “its ready to burn,” he says, holding up a lit torch.

“Great,” Thor says, “light it on fire and direct it away from us.”

Loki rolls his eyes, “obviously, Thor,” he mumbles before sticking his foot on the platform the jet ski is on and shoving it forward.

“To Valhalla!” Thor yells as Loki throws the torch at it. It goes up in flames immediately and everyone who heard Thor yell yells the phrase back and Tony snorts, shaking his head. And he thought ridding himself of the evidence of his crimes would be boring. Trust Thor to make it fun.

*

When the cops show up at Thor’s door the next morning inquiring about the burning jet ski Thor leans against the door. “Oh you’re one house off- you’re looking for Hammer. Justin Hammer,” he says, gesturing across the yard. You can’t see Hammer’s house through the trees but the cops nod sympathetically, giving him a brief apology before just leaving. 

Tony stares in shock because what? “How’d you do that?” he asks.

Thor smiles, “well, the cops are always around looking for Loki and unlike both you and him I don’t spend my time tormenting the police by calling them pigs and asking if they’ve eaten so many donuts their eyes are now glazed too. Instead I’m a nice kid with some rambunctious people in my life so when they come around for more serious crimes or burning jet skis they automatically think I’m telling the truth and they go away. You’re welcome, Loki,” Thor tells him. Loki glares at the wall behind Thor’s head and Tony gets the feeling that he’s referred to something specific but he has no idea what.

Mostly because he’s distracted by his evil genius boyfriend who just swindled the cops into arresting his most hated nemesis simply by being nice to cops who hate Loki. “This is why I love you Thor. Sometimes you seem like a meat head, but then you go and manipulate cops into arresting someone I hate. Seriously, I lucked out with you,” Tony says, grinning fondly.

“Thanks for the help, brother,” Loki mumbles under his breath, clearly irritated even if he’s grateful.

[mthevlamister]

Prom?

Hey so this was written for @stonermurphy it was their prompt, I just wrote it. Enjoy, there is totally cursing. Lots of cursing.

“Tho thith will make me cool?” Rich sat in front of… Some guy? He heard about this, some drug from Japan. This dude was selling it. He wanted to be chill. “Yeah, get rid of the lisp too. You want it?” “YETH!” Rich said, almost jumping in the air. He had a reason for this, he promises. See, there was this kid who had headphones and a red hoodie. His name was Michael, he was really really cool. He didn’t care what people thought of him, he had a PT Cruiser! He didn’t drive it yet, but he had it! Oh that Cruiser. The things that Cruiser did to Rich was incredible. It’s just that Rich couldn’t talk to Michael without the lisp he had. He’d get flustered and embarrassed and he couldn’t do it.He tried.

“Hey Michael what wath the thience homework?” Rich asked that day. “I’m sorry what?” Michael took off his headphones, smiling at the shorter boy that day. “I-I athked–” “A lisp? Ha! Gay!” Rich heard some girl say, he was unsure who. No he wasn’t, it was Madeline. Rich hasn’t spoken to Michael since that day. “Well where’s the money kid?” Rich dug into his pocket, pulling out a small wallet, handing the guy over four hundred bucks. It was terrible, he saved that to buy Michael prom tickets when they were juniors.

They were freshman.

“Thanks kid, take it with Mountain Dew. Green, okay? No other kind will work.” The dealer said, handing him a pill. “What elthe would I uthe? Red? That'th been dithcontinued thince the 90'th!” Rich joked, seeing the guy tense. “Wait doeth that thut it off?” “Yes. Now leave.” Rich hopped to the nearest 711 he could find, walking to the fridges with Mountain Dew.

“Green is good but red is better.” Rich heard behind him. He turned around to see the boy of his affection behind him with a huge slushie.

“M-Michael!” God did he just stutter?! “Hey, what'th up?”

“Not much, junk food run for the aftermath of pot. You should join me and Jeremy sometime.” Michael smiled– Rich loved that damn smile– and left. Maybe he didn’t have to take the pill, he could just get high with Michael right now right? No. He paid for this pill. He would do it.

He paid for the Dew, walked outside, and took the pill. Nothing happened.“Rip off.” He hissed until he felt pain in his head, grabbing it he heard a voice and all of sudden the pain was over.

Why was Kermit the Frog in front of him?

I’m not Kermit Richard.

“What the hell–”

Don’t talk aloud, I can hear your thoughts just think. 

‘Okay, what are you?

’I’m your SQUIP, the pill you just swallowed. My job is to make you popular. Starting with that lisp. Actually first your name, you’re Rich now. Not Richard, now to the lisp. Rich felt an electric shock ripple through his body, he yelped and grabbed his arms.“Richard?” Michael? Why was Michael in front of him?! “You okay?" 

"Yeth–” another shock sent him wincing. “Y-yes.” Holy shit.The SQUIP is curing his lisp.

This is the boy you want? 

'Yes.’

No, he’s a loser. Tell him you think his car is shit.

'I like his car!’ Another shock.“What kind of car is that? That looks hideous.” Rich lied, faking a laugh.

“Oh… It’s a PT Cruiser. I like it, is it not cool enough?” Michael did an eyebrow wiggle, making Rich laugh silently. Another shock.

“No. It makes you a gay loser.”

Good, now leave. Rich turned and left.

~ ~ ~

The SQUIP turned out to be less than perfect. Here he was in the hospital, SQUIPless.

He was rooming Jeremy Heere and who else would visit except Michael Mell himself. God how much did Rich make Michael want to kill himself?

“Hi Jeremy, hey Rich.” Michael said, walking in the room with crystal Pepsi and a bag of cheese puffs.

“Hey Michael.” Jeremy said. “I-I am so sorry about the whole SQUIP thing, you’re not a loser! You saved us and I– I just– I’m doing this for Christine. God I’d be lucky if she still wanted to talk to me–”

“You’re fine, tall ath.” Rich mumbled, eyes closed. “Thhe would be thuper happy if you athked her out.” His stupid lisp he hated it.

“Do I not get a hello Rich? I’m hurt. Very hurt, I thought you appreciated my company!” Michael mocked a pout, which was adorable, and sat in between their beds.

“No I like theeing you. Hello Michael, how are you?” Rich asked, looking at the 'riends’ on his bag.

“Still driving my gay loser car so all is well.” Michael joked, but stopped smiling when Rich winced.

Right.

That was the SQUIP.

“Hey you were right though, I’m a loser. Never a better time to be a loser! Did I tell you that I told Jeremy about how humans stopped evolving?”

“Tho there'th no reathon to get thronger right? I heard about that!”

“Jeremy?” All three boys turned when they heard a voice. It was Christine.

“Hi Christine!” Jeremy said, voice lacking confidence.

“Wanna walk to the cafeteria with me?” She asked, smiling.Jeremy nodded and left with her, leaving Michael and Rich on their own.

“Michael? I’m… I’m really thorry. About everything I did I mean. I wath a dick.”

“Yeah, you were, but hey you won’t be anymore right?”

Rich nodded, looking at his bed sheets.

Michael frowned. He walked over and put the Crystal Pepsi to Rich’s mouth. “Take a sip.” Rich did as he was told. 

“Oh my god thith is good why don’t they make it anymore?!”

“Because god is dead.” Michael said in a solemn voice. He cracked a smile and touched Rich’s faded red streak. “In honor of it I think you should die this white.”

“Nah, purple blue and a reddith pink.”

“That’s the bisexual flag–”

“I’m bi.” Rich blurted. “I’m totally bi.”

Michael stared him dead in the eyes. Rich became worried Michael would walk out. “Hi totally bi, I’m Michael.”

“Get out. Leave. Never come back.” Rich laughed, snorting in between giggles. He looked at Michael who was now smirking.

“And I’m gay, so there’s that.” Michael walked closer. “Not for Jeremy, so I will have to get rid of that beautiful 'riends’ if you don’t mind.”

Rich snorted again, smiling. “I worked hard on that, but fine.”

“Did you… Work 'tho’ hard on it?”

“Thtop!!” Rich groaned, hitting his head on the pillow.

“Well I’m gonna go. Jeremy is getting let out today and I’m his ride so I’ll wrestle him away from Christine.” With that, Michael made an exit and went to find Jeremy.

Rich was sure he’d never see Michael until he came to school, but he was wrong.O

h how wrong was he.

“Michael makes am entrance!” Rich heard while he was laying down, daydreaming of his crush.

“Are you gonna do that each time you enter a room?” Rich sat up, faking a scowl. He thought it was cute, if he was honest.

“Yes–I mean yeth. But for real, in all seriousness, how are we today? I brought a present~” Michael sat down next to Rich and pulled out a red Dew.

“The THQUIP is gone Michael.” Rich deadpanned.

“Yeah but you never got a taste and when we were freshman I said it was better than regular so here you go!” Michael pushed it towards the shorter boy, smiling. Rich stared at it, debating whether or not to drink. His curiosity got the better of him and drank a sip, then a gulp. He ended up chugging the whole bottle. It was great.

“WHY HAVE I NEVER HAD THAT BEFORE?!” Rich cried, throwing the bottle to the ground and grabbing Michael’s arms.

“Cmon dude that was my drink–”

“IT WATH REALLY GOOD MICHAEL!”

“I know Rich, that’s why I gave it to you.”

Rich smiled, jumping in his seat. “I need ten gallonth of that. I really need it.”

“Oh god I turned you into a Dew junkie, didn’t I?” Michael frowned, making a praying gesture with his hands as a joke. “Oh why did he have to get addicted so young?”

“Thut up.” Rich laughed, punching his shoulder lightly.

“I’m sorry I don’t know how to 'thut up’ but I can shut up.” Michael teased, touching Rich’s hair.

“Boo. Bad joke!” Rich batted at Michael’s hand, but somehow ended up leaning into the touch more (who knows how).

“Well, if you’re gonna be friends with Jeremy without the SQUIP you’re gonna have to deal with bad jokes because I’m gonna hang out with him.”

“Great, that thounds fun.” Rich said, his voice sounded awkward and scrambled.

“Unless he leaves me again. At least you didn’t outright leave me after years of knowing me, it hurts you know? He’d much rather be with Christine or-or Jake or you!” Michael was shaking, it made Rich’s heart ache slightly.

He couldn’t say that he left Michael for the super computer too, even if it was the truth.

“Michael, why don’t we hang out when I get out of here?” Rich’s voice cracked at every other word. He was nervous, very nervous. “We can play games or something?” That wasn’t supposed to be a question, but it came out like one.

“… Dude, have you ever played apocalypse of the damned?” Rich quietly listened to every word Michael said about the game, it seemed to be a game full of zombie and place puns but it would be fun to test out.“—and I still haven’t beat level ten and I need a new player two because Jeremy isn’t going to play anymore!” Michael finished, taking gulps of air into his mouth.

“I’ll be your 'player two’ if you want.” Rich said, smiling. Since when did his smile come unnaturally?

“Aw, I’m honored. Now I guess you won’t be… Bi yourself?” Michael smiled.

“That wathn’t horrible, I’m proud.”

“I’m glad.” Michael said, leaning on his hands, fluttering his eyelashes. Rich blushed, much to his dismay.

“Well then get ready for bad oneth, I tell loadth!”

“Tell me one.”

“I didn’t pan thith out well!” Rich emphasized the “pan” and smiled a lot.

“A replacement of plan?” Michael asked. “Classy.”

“Very!” Rich confirmed.

“Very what?”

“Very clathy– you jutht wanted to hear the lithp didn’t you?” Rich’s eyes widened in horror.

“Yes. It’s cute.” Michael grinned, winking at the shorter boy.How many times was Rich going to be confirmed short?

“O-oh really?” Rich leaned on his arm, tripping as he missed the bed and fell face first to the floor. Michael howled with laughter, trying to lean down and help him up only to laugh harder and fall next to him. Rich smiled and began to laugh too, ignoring the pain.

“I’m sorry you just fell! That was amazing!” Michael looked at Rich, noticing how close they were. It would be a lie to say Michael didn’t like Rich. He always appreciated the way he bullied him (was Michael a masochist? Probably), he loved the way Rich would joke in the hallways, how he’d gossip about Jake’s “latest conquest”. But Michael also liked– no loved– Richard. The nerdier version of Rich. He used to stalk him, if he was honest. He followed him in a 711 once in freshman year and judged his choice of Mountain Dew! He pretended to get food for his high! No he loved Richard and his lisp and his bad jokes. He loved the way he’d trip in the hallways and mess up. He also loved bisexual Richard, not straight Rich. So yeah, Michael was blushing insanely.

Rich was still doing his little giggle snort laugh, ignoring the obvious tension and passion there was. Michael moved closer and closer and–

“Why is Rich on the floor?” Both boys looked up.Jake was standing there, grinning. “So you finally made out? Good, because Rich will–”

“No! Hey, thup Jakey-D?” Rich sat up. “Came to vithit me?”

“Yeah, I did. But I see Michael is already making moves, should I leave or stay?”

“Nah man, you can see your buddy. I’m leaving anyway. See you tomorrow Richard!” Michael left, ignoring Rich’s “it'th Rich”, and getting to his PT Cruiser (would he ever change his car?) and drove all the way to Jeremy’s. He needed to talk about this. It’s too bad Jenna was on the phone with Jeremy when Michael busted down his door screaming “I ALMOST KISSED RICHARD JEREMY MY BUDDY ASK HOW IT IS HANGING BECAUSE IT IS NOT BANGING! IM FREAKING OUT!”

It was silent until Jenna squealed. 

“DONT TELL ANYONE JENNA!” Michael grabbed the phone, practically crying. Jeremy uttered a quick “Jenna don’t, got to go” and hung up. He turned to Michael and asked him to explain.

“Do you think he’d actually be interethted in me?” Rich asked Jake, moving back onto the bed. “I jutht don’t think he liketh me!”

“He offered for you to be his player two, didn’t he?” Jake said, smiling. “I forgot how awkward you where pre-SQUIP. Did you really fall trying to lean like you were cool?”

“Yeah, I did.” Rich avoided the word 'yes’ and looked away.

“That’s amazing.” Jake snickered, punching Rich’s arm lightly.

“I’m thorry about your houthe.” Rich mumbled. “You can thtay with me if you want.”

“Nah I’m staying with Chloe, her parents are cool with it.” Jake waggled his eyebrows. “Speaking of, I got to go. I’ll see you at school right?”

“Yeah, you will.” Rich said, knowing Monday would be his doom. Then everyone would know he was still a nerd.

~ ~ ~

“So Jenna says that Michael said he almost kissed Rich.” Chloe said to Brooke and Jenna (even though Jenna was the first to know).

“Jenna?! You said you wouldn’t tell anyone!” Jeremy walked up, eyes wide. “Michael is going to be so pissed!”

“We won’t tell anyone Jeremy.” Brooke smiled. “Except Christine, we told her. We also told Jake, but he promised not to tell Rich.”

Michael walked up, some weird hipster drink in his hand, smiling. “What’s the beeswax friends?”

Jeremy laughed. “Nothing Michael, just something Madeline did.”

“Oh my gosh, so Madeline–” Jenna went on this huge rant on what the poor girl did recently. Michael pretended to be interested but looked at the clock. It was Friday, he would visit Rich after school. He knew it was almost a matter of time until that clock showed he could leave.

“–Michael?” Brooke’s voice brought him back to reality.

“Yeah?”

“Are you wearing crocs?” Brooke looked at his feet in disgust.

“…. Yes?”

“Oh my gosh you poor boy. We need to buy you actual shoes!” Chloe gasped, shaking her head.

“Never. Crocs five-ever.“ Michael said, walking away.

”… He’s wearing socks with them!“ Jenna cried, hitting Jeremy’s arm. "Help him!”

“Nah, he won’t listen to me. Only if I insult him which I’m not doing again.”

“Fine.” Jenna huffed, going back into her story.

~ ~ ~

“You’re wearing crocth? Really Michael?” Rich raised an eyebrow.

“Oh don’t be a Jenna! You know you love my crocs!”

“I do.” Rich said, meaning every word.

“Okay, don’t lie they’re hideous.” Michael said sitting on his bed.

“Okay firtht of all, they’re not. Thecond of all, why do you wear them then?!” Rich moved to sit next to Michael.

“Someone has to like this stuff, and they’re comfortable. One day, my little Rich, I’ll get you crocs and make you wear them to school!”

To prom! We’re wearing crocs to prom. That’s final!

“I’m not little!” Rich said, instead.“You’re shorter than me. Remind me when I get you in crocs I should give you my hoodie.” Michael said, smiling.

“I thould take your glatheth too. Become a thmaller Michael.” Rich hated saying “glasses”. Michael wasn’t smiling anymore. “Michael? Are you upthet?”

“N-no. Not all.” Michael was picturing Rich in all his clothes. It was really cute.

“You thtopped thmiling.” Rich frowned.

“Sorry, I was thinking I can’t see without my glasses so you’d have to take a picture.” This was a lie, Michael would be able to see Rich clearly. He just wanted a picture.

“Okay, I’m fine with that.” Rich smiled again, he began to bounce. “Gueth what! I’m getting out Monday! I can’t wait to hear all the drama from Jenna and Chloe and Brooke! Jake wouldn’t tell me anything.”

“Oh, oh drama yeah! Yeah there’s been a lot.” Of my drama. “Madeline has been crazy.”

“I’m really looking forward to her drama.” Rich admitted.

“Yeah, well prom is coming up too. Lots of drama there, Jake is probably going with Chloe. Brooke has no date, Jeremy will ask Christine. Hey if you’re into Brooke you could take her.”

“Nah, I-I have my eye thet on thomeone.” Rich admitted, hoping Michael got the hint. He didn’t, and he was upset. 

“That’s good! I bet they’ll say yes.”

“Are you going with anyone?” Rich asked, hoping the answer was–

“No.” Michael said. “I’m not a prom person, I wouldn’t get a date. I’d probably go and be in the corner eating all the food. No, probably getting high out back.”

“Ah, I thee.” Rich felt no courage, shrinking into his bed.

“Shit what time is it? I have to go home, I’m sorry Richard. I’ll see you, okay? Here’s my number, text me!” Michael left.Rich, for some reason, liked it when Michael called him Richard. That wasn’t his biggest concern though. He had Michael’s number! Wait, that wasn’t the biggest concern! He texted Jake.

Rich: Hey Jakey-D, how do I ask Michael to prom?

Wait.Shit that was the SQUIP group chat.

He was screwed.

Jenna Cakes: OMG you want to ask him?!

Brooking it to class: Rich, you have to be fancy with it.

Valentine’s Day: Can we help?!

He’s Heere: I can tell you for a fact Michael would say yes if you just gave him a slushie. Better hurry, he’s been talking about some JD he met at 711.

Jakey-D: yo, I gotchu I’ll message him!

Rich: NO! I WANT TO DO IT! I JUST NEED IDEAS! STOP ALL OF YOU!

Rich was hiding under his blanket, mostly because of the pun names but also because he was nervous; that’s what he did when he was nervous.

Brooking it to class: why not flowers?

He’s Heere: he loves chocolates, get him weed brownies. Do it, I dare you to.

Jakey-D: I double dog dare you.

Valentine’s Day: triple dog dare you. Can’t not do it now.

He’s Heere: write 'prom?’ with icing! Make it Mountain Dew Red icing!

Rich laughed. That would be amusing.

Brooking it to class: I’ll help you pick out flowers. NOT WEED JEREMY!

He’s Heere: boo.

Brooking it to class: this’ll be a fun project.

Rich: cool, I get out Sunday so we can do it then.

Rich opened the calendar and made his plans with Brooke. Sunday would be fun.

~ ~ ~

Sunday was not fun, because Rich had to text Michael saying he was busy with Brooke. Michael said it was fine, but Rich thought he was lying.

“So I suggest we get yellow acacia. It signifies a true friendship but a secret love. We’ll get him a couple of those and also some white dittany! Those show passion and love.” Brooke was saying, pulling Rich through some weird flower shop. Some guy with curly hair and glasses was at the counter with a blonde girl. The name tags read 'Seymour’ and 'Audrey’.

“Okay, tho thethe two?” Rich grabbed the bouquets. He smiled a bit.Perfect.

“Oh, are those for your girlfriend? How lovely! I wish my boyfriend did that! He’s a dentist, you may know him!” Audrey, the female flower seller, smiled. Seymour frowned at the mention, staring at a bruise on the woman’s arm that Rich noticed.

“No. He’s asking someone to prom though!” Brooke answered excitedly.

“Y-yeah. I am.” Rich mumbled, paying for the flowers.

“Okay, so you put those in water and you’ll give them to Michael. Let’s find pot brownies for him.”

“Ah, Jeremy thaid he’d get them, tho it'th okay!” Rich smiled. “I thould go home." 

"Alright, if you say so.” Brooke smiled sweetly before leaving. Rich sighed, heading home. He was just sneaking to his room when he heard his dad walk in the hallway.

“Flowers? Asking a girl out?”

“Yeah, I am.” Rich lied.

“Put them in a vase at least.” His dad smirked.Rich nodded and went to the kitchen, putting them in separate vases. He brought them to his room and texted Michael.

Rich: I’ll see you tomorrow right?

RMD: of course! You’d willingly talk to me in public? I’m honored.

Rich was about to say yes when he saw his username changed.

Richard: Michael.

RMD: yes?

Richard: why

RMD: because I can Richard, fight me. 

Richard: How’d you even do that?

RMD: I’m a beautiful hacker fight me.

Richard: change it back!

RMD: never.

Rich sighed and put his phone down. He couldn’t wait until tomorrow.

~ ~ ~

“Richard, hey–” Jenna snickered, before being cut off.

“Don’t call me Richard. I’m Rich.” Rich mumbled, leaning against his locker. “Michael changed my thtupid uthername thomehow." 

"Do you have the flowers?” Brooke asked.

“Yeth. Where'th Michael?”

“Wait! Here!” Jeremy gave him tupperware with brownies in it. “He’s at his locker.”

“Thankth.” Rich walked over as cooly as he could to Michael’s locker.

“Hey Richard!” Michael smirked. His eyes fell upon the flowers. “Are those for the prom person?”

“Yeah, here.” Rich placed the flowers in Michael’s hands. He carefully opened the tupperware where the message was written. It just said “prom?” but there was only five brownies. Rich wasn’t complaining.

“That’s cool I bet they’ll love it!” Michael said, giving a thumbs up (as best as one could while holding flowers).

“Do you?” Rich asked.

“Well yeah, I’m jealous of the person– oh these are for me? Oh… OH!” Michael’s eyes widened as he looked at the brownies, then flowers. “OH MY GOD! HOLY SHIT!”

Rich let out a nervous laugh. “Ith that a no?”

“ITS A MCFRICKEN YES!” Michael screamed.

“Never thay "mcfricken again”.“ Rich deadpanned.

"No promises, but yes! Of course yes! Totally yes!” Michael was gonna cry, he really was. “This is amazing!”

“I’m glad, I got nervouth.” Rich admitted.

“I’d be too, I’m pretty awesome I’ll be honest.” Michael teased, slinging his free arm around Rich. “Now, Richard, is this an invitation to date?”

“Yeth.”

“Okay good now I can do this.” Michael said.Before Rich could ask what “this” was Michael swooped down and kissed him.

It was going to be a great prom.

I do accept notes (GET IT! HA!). Thanks for reading. I may write one for their prom.

[artificialqueens]

Revenge (Trixya) - Prologue - Cinnamon

Riddle me this, riddle me that…

Hi guys!! I’m finally back after all this time without submitting, and I’m really happy! I thought about this story a while ago and I’m so excited to write it. This chapter is kinda meh but it’s necessary haha <3 It will get better I promise! Trixie and Katya are both cis females here. I named Katya’s ex boyfriend Jack just because, I had no one in mind when I decided the name.

Also, a big THANK YOU to my betas Puck ( @shakesqueerean)  and @milakristina, you guys are the best <3 Enjoy!

TW: Toxic relationships

Katya cried herself to sleep that night, for the first time in years.

She’d had a nice morning, and she was about to spend an even nicer evening with her favorite book and a cup of tea, sitting on the porch of her small house in the countryside. The view was amazing; there was a small lake in front of her house and she could admire the greatest sunsets from there, especially during the summer. It was a habit of hers to leave the house every evening and spend some time outside while she painted or read, but that day something, someone, made it difficult to do so.

At first, when she saw him sitting next to the lake with his feet in the water, she’d thought she was dreaming. Or more accurately, having a nightmare. That couldn’t be him. He wasn’t supposed to come back into her life and have the chance to destroy it again. He wasn’t supposed to be there, and especially not with his new girlfriend.

It had been ten years since they had broken up, but she could still feel the scars. All her feelings came back at once, and before she knew it, tears were streaming down her face. She wiped them off quickly and went inside, afraid he would see her. She didn’t want him to see her at all, let alone crying like an idiot. She sat on the armchair next to the window and sneakily looked at the couple, trying not to feel pathetic. He was talking, probably about his family, like he used to do when they were together. He had endless stories to tell, and she knew them all. She was laughing at his words and Katya felt a small wave of jealousy, even though she didn’t want to admit it.

What is he doing here?

Katya had moved out here right after their break up, he should have no clue that she was here. It was pure coincidence. God, he looked just like he used to, with that dark hair that emphasized his brown eyes, and that stupid smile that had made her fall head over heels in love with him.He even had the same car he did back then, and Katya sighed at the thought of the days they had spent in that car, driving across the country, enjoying each other’s company.

It was still early, but she knew that she was going to spend the rest of the evening looking at them, hating the girl he was with, wishing it was her instead, so Katya went to bed in an attempt to save her dignity. She numbly changed her clothes, putting a white silk nightgown on and got into bed, right after pulling down the blinds. Tears started falling down her face again the moment her head touched the pillow, this time uncontrollably.

Not again…

Katya’s mind started wandering until it stopped on one of her happiest memories, the day she’d met him, the day she’d met Jack.

She had been an arts student, young and full of ambition, and he studied economics, but loved art, and that’s how they met. It was Katya’s first art exhibition, and she was greeting everyone that went to the venue to appreciate her art, when she saw him. She approached him and started talking to him - enthusiastically. Not many people her age cared about her art, especially not guys as handsome as he was. Jack introduced himself and they started talking and talking. Katya hadn’t bothered greeting anyone else. His company made her feel talented and loved. He talked about her paintings like they were the best thing he had ever seen. Hell, he talked about her like she was the best thing he had ever seen.

A quiet sob left Katya’s mouth when she started thinking about the months after they had met. It had been the perfect relationship. They had been made for each other. She thought about the endless nights with the art kids, hopping from one club to another, sharing their love with them, the art kids, sometimes with strangers too, until the morning. It was no secret that Katya was bisexual, and Jack loved sex with just about everyone, so they were the perfect match. They used to have fun. She thought about the afternoons at his place, cooking, watching TV or simply cuddling in the dark until it was time for her to go. She used to take her notebook and draw him while he just sat on the sofa with a glass of wine. She still had those drawings, that’s the only thing she didn’t want to get rid off, even though out of everything that stuck with her from that relationship, a notebook would comparatively be the easiest thing to lose.

Katya closed her eyes as the inevitable dark thoughts entered her mind. The day when she found out the truth, that he had been cheating on her for a year and a half, and with more than one girl. Katya hadn’t thought she would be so affected by that, but she’d been wrong. It was why she was so self conscious about herself, why she had rejected and hurt multiple boys and girls with good intentions that just wanted to date and love her. Katya’s breathing got heavier, and she tried to calm down.

He destroyed you. He made you feel like you weren’t enough, not for him, not for anyone.

When Katya had found out the truth they’d had the biggest argument, she was devastated. He didn’t admit his mistake, and he made sure to make Katya feel like it was all her fault. She didn’t want to remember everything he had told her, the fury in his eyes as he spoke, how proud he was of what he was saying. Katya wanted to talk too, but she couldn’t, because she loved him, and because she wasn’t sure she’d really known fear until she’d seen that look in his eyes and watched his hand clench into a fist. She felt so small, standing there in front of him, listening and believing his words.

She’d decided to move out to the countryside right after their fight. She didn’t want to see anyone, she was too hurt, too scared. She thought that running would help all those self loathing thoughts would disappear, but they got worse. And there she was, years later, still anxious, uncomfortable in her own skin, lonely, distant.

You lost all your friends because of him, the life you had. Trust issues, anxiety, fear, that’s what you got from that relationship. And now he thinks that he can come back… With his new girlfriend. Of course he is dating someone, a fucking Barbie doll, tall, curvy, with beautiful hair and the most gorgeous face… The opposite of what you are. But you won’t stay still this time. You need to get over him, you can’t just let him destroy you again.

Katya frowned in the dark, her sadness turning into rage. She did not deserve what he had put her through. He was a cheater. He was the kind of person who made you feel like you were everything, just to let you shatter and drown in darkness after he got bored. And Katya may have been a victim of his games, but she was ready for revenge.

Katya cried herself to sleep that night, but she swore it was the last time.

[lorainelaneyblog]

‘You, [ ] [ ], like [ ] [ ], made the mistake that horny meant slut, because Loraine Laney, despite her own protestations--’

‘Did she cheat on [ ]? Badly, like?’

‘No, there was one fingering episode which he had figured out before she even got home, they weren’t living together, not that that matters, but she was very regretful, and thought the relationship was over, but she had been very honest about curiosity about other men, and different penises, even, you don’t remember, Loraine, but larger penises, that’s why he was insecure about dildos, remember that?’

‘Yes.’

‘She was infinitely curious and always will be, and that is why 50 Cent is her perfect partner.’

‘Surely there must be someone more normal than 50 Cent. He’s crazy. Everyone theorizes that he does line ups, is she going to do line ups too?’

‘She’s agreed, but it’s not a fantasy of hers, she loves the marriage, and the group sex, she loves it too.’

‘But why gay though?’

‘There’s really no explanation for that. As I investigated the gang bang in porn, I must have fixated on a certain look and found myself attracted to high men in the form of soldiers, construction workers, even cops, when I was being tortured, there was one--’

‘Really?’

‘What was wrong with him?’

‘Oh, a baby, but he was undercover, to torture, a baby with women, he was dating a man.’

‘How do you know that?’

‘I knocked on his door once to confront him about the torture and I heard them scrabble behind the door, and some months or years later, in Ottawa, I saw a man gazing so sadly from the opposite balcony that I felt sure he was the boyfriend, sent to Ottawa, to help stalk and torture me.’

‘And she was right.’

‘How does she know all this shit?’

‘They were obvious.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well remember [ ] [ ]--’

‘Have you talked to him, because I was jealous of him and you too. Why?’

‘He’s a gang bang boy.’

‘So finish that.’

‘I was quite at home hanging out with my gay best friend in gay bars, and, when asked, I was not adverse to gay sex, it didn’t gross me out, I just felt, and God revealed to me the actual number of gay men, eleven percent--’

‘Are you fucking kidding me? Nobody like women anymore?’

‘That’s how I felt. And there is a romance between a hag and her gay best friend, and I would argue they always have the upper hand, because you are mostly straight, so rejection, with [ ], was the order of the day, thus I rejected male bisexuality in favour of male promiscuity with women.’

‘These men are very promiscuous, but why do they want you, girls like you?’

‘It’s just an orientation thing, they group together as friends and lovers, and find a girl.’

‘What’s in it for them?‘

‘They compound their dominance, they are very compatible with men in every way, it’s particularly noticeable because they choose to socialize mainly with men--’

‘So women get used.’

‘Exactly.’

‘What were you doing at the beach? That place is bullshit for girls, I heard that over and over again.’

‘She stopped going [ ] [ ], and turned to prostitution. She called a “swinger’s club with no rules.” And it’s true. Yes, they have one, occasional, gang bang night at the swinger’s clubs, but most of the couples don’t go, a few prostitutes go and some men, and the biggest, Loraine, you will be surprised to hear, is three men on one woman.’

‘What, like ever?’ we ask together.

‘Ever,’ says God. ‘Surprise, surprise. She thought about it and vetoed, Loraine is very, very, very, very, very, cautious with men, [ ] [ ], she knows they can be dangerous, from the news, and she fucks with no one, ever.’

‘What about cheating though? She fucked with that with [ ].’

‘He knew. He knew everything. He even allowed her to go to the bar that night. Three and a half years of devoted monogamy and she was getting curious, and he knew it. He never cried, once, over Loraine, ever, trust that. She cried a bit, but not much. They were excellent partners for a time, and that was it.’

‘Why him, and not me, I don’t understand, why didn’t you want me?’

‘She didn’t want [ ] either.’

‘What about [ ], she fucked him.’

‘That was a lie.’

‘Really? I heard it from [ ] [ ].’

‘She thought they did, but failed to confirm it, and spread it around, and Loraine was very happy to both catch her in a lie, and find that she had, herself, been mistaken in that gossip, because she was starting to disapprove of her gossiping, about herself and her sister, oddly. She was a piece of work, she did everything herself and gossiped about others. And Loraine did well to get rid of her.’

‘Why didn’t they screw?’

‘Older, cautious, judicious, and acting on an old friendship, which, despite that [ ] and [ ] had fought, not about her, suffice to say, but about their own attraction for each other, which pisses off Loraine, because she was kept in the dark her entire life. So.’

‘I don’t want to share a man.’

‘That’s normal,’ says God. ‘Your orientation dictates that your wife is open minded to your going off with either a man or a woman. She does not insist on being a part of either.’

‘That’s good for me.’

‘God says that Loraine and [ ] [ ] just designated his orientation as a high medium, which, [ ] [ ], is so far from her natural inclinations, and [ ] [ ] too, Loraine, he is a high medium, that she never would have naturally gravitated toward you. He was another mistake, he was a high medium too, but she found him attractive in a sweet way, and wasted a bit of time on that, he was black, half black, and very attractive, but, her self esteem was healthy enough to realize that there wasn’t a hope in hell.’

‘Why did she go after cute guys?’

‘She would say their options were limited, she never chases any men, 50 Cent is a stand out for her, and yes, even with the nose job, he is too good looking for her, some say by a long shot, and that’s unfortunate because she’s still kind of cute, and she’s very devoted to him, so I hope, one day, he overcomes, joking, Loraine, he loves you, he just can’t work out how to communicate without emasculating himself, kidding, again, he can’t work out how to communicate with her without giving her a heart attack, that’s it, Loraine. And that’s it.’

‘Don’t you have some brilliant idea?’ we ask together. 

‘Who is this girl?’ asks [ ] [ ]. ‘Does she like me? Is she pretty? Why haven’t we dated? I see your question, and, in hospitals, people go dutch, and I have dated quite a bit, but nothing has stuck.’

‘Do you have a reputation?’

‘Say, as a committed bachelor or a guy who uses scatter tactics, even as I ask, I realize this is impossible, I envision your connections with women would be obvious to all, and respected.’

‘That’s what it is. And that’s what we felt about you. That’s why the [ ] [ ]’s and, to answer your question, it was him who straightened it out for us, thank God, because we all felt wronged.’

‘Yeah, and I screwed her, because she, I can’t spell the word.’

‘She set her sights on him, and it bugged you.’

‘When I saw him, I felt the connection was such that I was willing to sacrifice her feelings, so yeah, I screwed her, she said, “He’s looking really good these days.”’

‘He looked exactly the same.’

‘Yeah. What was it like with [ ]?’

‘It was fun to see him looking and feeling like a man.’

‘What did you do to [ ]?’

‘I want to take this, she did nothing to [ ], that he wasn’t, almost, expecting. The only shock was a gang bang, thoroughly tidy with three men she met with a friend outside of a bar.’

‘Outside?’

‘Seriously.’

‘Oh, my God. Were they rude?’

‘Dismissive, afterwards.’

‘So, yeah.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Did it hurt?’

‘Yes, I was so dumb, I thought I would be invited to spend the night in one of their beds.’

‘Seriously, why?’

‘They regretted for years not being kinder and asking for her number, because, namely because she insisted on condoms and didn’t smell.’

‘Did they lick you?’

‘No, they played with me though, but it was too hard.’

‘They hurt you.’

‘A bit but I don’t think it was intentional.’

‘And the sex?’

‘I hate the description finger cuffs, but they laughed when they came, condoms both ends.’

‘Oh, I see. And the last guy?’

‘Let the other guys play first, I think.’

‘He was the most dominant, Loraine, he didn’t mind.’

‘Fucked you.’

‘Yeah.’

‘With an old condom from the floor, but she tried her best, she did, and [ ] wasn’t angry but he told someone and word got around and it affected both his judgement and the general opinion of Loraine. You don’t know this, Loraine, but everyone in Centrex, everyone, Loraine, and this is why you were both lauded and hated, heard about what happened, and [ ] looked a bit like a cuckold so he had to get “revenge,” such as it is.’

‘What did he did, because I thought you were so happy with him.’

‘She would have been better off with [ ],’ says God.

‘But [ ] was a bit of a beast to women.’

‘But kind to her, always, and not to a fault, she deserved it, she never cheated or even thought about, save that, and that would have pleased him, another man, when they were together, not sexually, I’m saying, it never went beyond admiration of his beauty, she realized--’

‘Why is she so smart?’

‘You are too, and here is a present: You are a highest intellectual, [ ] [ ], and I have it on good account that someone who is reading the work of Loraine Laney, will tell you this. And he is regular reader now, Loraine, even after he wronged her on Facebook.’

‘He found her on Facebook. He lives in Toronto. He was very kindly, offering her to come and stay when she was talking about the police torture of the past, but most of former cadets don’t realize, Loraine has a prison bird in Toronto, who wouldn't have put up with such a thing.’

‘Is he violent?’

‘Loraine puts up with no kind of bullshit from anyone, he was a lying cheater and a closeted gang bang boy, and that is it, not violent in any way towards women, but an incorrigible crack head who would do anything for crack, including head butts with rifles on gang members, and, when that guy lost his teeth, Loraine, a misjudgment in aim, in case you’re wondering, they come in fast, and scare the house holder, he lost his one, exactly, week later, by the same means, when Loraine met him, he was on parole, using Plenty of Fish to get laid, and he really, really, really, really, liked you Loraine, even more than he realized, but, over time, she proved herself as the girlfriend of a jail bird, and, I feel like it, Loraine, so I’m going to brag, again, to [ ] [ ], that, due to your openness to male bisexuality, her constant questioning, instead of a stony silence, and blogging in general, not about male bisexuality, but just herself, her dreams and what not--’

‘I heard about this. It was good, I heard. What about those screen plays did you feel compelled to reveal, Loraine?’

‘Oh, that’s tough. My memory. I like Molly Walker because she’s funny, in a self effacing way, and, to answer you question, she’s a perpetual victim, but she, does she always leave, God?’

‘She always leaves, Loraine.’

‘Will they use them?’

‘They are usable, everyone agrees about that, it’s just that they need an extreme amount of fleshing out, you will laugh--’

‘What was it?’

‘A prison salute. But I was saying, she got warrant officer and she couldn’t even, no thanks to any of you boys, teasing, of course, remember how to strip and assemble the rifle.’

‘Are you serious with this? She could strip and assemble the stoves.’

‘None was required.’

‘Oh yeah. We rode her, and she ate it up. She cared not about herself as a man, but respected herself as a woman, and when she went to the recruiting office, we all laughed at how quickly she bowed out, saying it seemed too hard. What did you think when I tackled you?’

‘You did it so gently, and I was so honored by your attention in this respect.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘It was a boy thing, and I was a girl, I guess, and I felt raised up in the eyes of others, I believe, since you’re asking me to pinpoint it, even to the extent of being aware of the younger cadets, and how cool I might look. You boys made my adolescence. I was never more happy than in those years.’

‘Really? What about school?’

‘Well, at the risk of being one of the girls who was seeking groups of men--’

‘You were in mechanics too. Did you screw there?’

‘No.’

‘Why?’

‘Friendship came first,’ God explains. ‘And then, the men hadn’t the heart. Also, it never hurts to have an older brother and a cousin at the school. It doesn’t, Loraine.’

‘My sisters thought she was a slut, and you worried about that immensely at my house, didn’t you, Loraine?’

‘How the hell did you know that?’

‘Because you weren’t my girlfriend and we were a close knit family. Did you think my brother was better looking?’

‘I didn’t think about that.’

‘Really?’

‘No.’

‘Why?’

‘She can't answer some of your questions, [ ] [ ], because her respect for you, and her affection for you was immeasurable, insofar as, When Harry Met Sally, men and women can be friends, and she realizes now that they can’t, and she must be reminded periodically, by getting in over her head with someone she doesn’t want--’

‘Is that what happened with [ ]?’

‘No. My God no. That was a beautiful connection and a huge crush, it’s just that, when we met, he had a girlfriend.’

‘What does that mean?’

‘He wasn’t a potential at first, and, just as an aside, a very pretty, bleach blond had eyes for him, too, and he disapproved of her flirtations with married men at work, he would have done better with her God?’

‘No, Loraine, she was slutting, and [ ] was a number.’

‘Was he with her?’

‘Sort of. They had a kiss.’

‘That’s why I couldn’t give you shit for [ ].’

‘Oh, my.’

‘That’s what I mean, Loraine, she never wronged anyone more than they wronged her, never, so don’t think you’re going to catch her up, because you won’t.’

‘Did you want to have sex with [ ]?’

‘Is it prostitution, 50?’

‘It is, Loraine, many women who never turn out, are constantly at the mercy of their attractions, and, one of the reasons that prostitutes are attractive is that they are self contained. And, to explain the hierarchy, your potential wife may be attracted to someone like me, but she will--’

‘What?’

‘Just as you were, and are, I would argue, attracted to a lower woman, a lower submissive in Loraine, higher women--’

‘What does all this mean? Higher, lower, I don’t understand.’

‘I would refer you to the blog,’ says God. ‘It’s illuminates very much of this, and even contains a perfect chart of the orientations, so, worry not, and hope for this woman, because--’

‘Does she know me yet? Do I know her?’

‘Let’s go there, Loraine, because he didn’t hear. [ ] [ ] is smarter than you. He is a five billion and, like you, he is a highest intellectual. Intellectuals--’

‘What’s this? I’m a what what?’

‘You, [ ] [ ], and you are not in touch with [ ] but he knows how to get in touch with you, and he may, he may, he may, want to discuss this very blog, because, he has earned it, Loraine, she posted something old about a cop and, failing to account for her experience with cops, plus the fact that she is never mean spirited--’

‘I know the one, where he feels the dick instead of the gun, how he answers is funny, that’s the funny part.’

‘Exactly. I am no cop hater, and I have every reason to be.’

‘Did they get around you?’

‘They tortured her, but she has yet to even have a cop for a client, which bugs her, because they took her down, she feels they should build her up, and they won’t, it’s a collective affection, and they don’t want anyone to have her.’

‘How did she get so fucking popular? She was popular.’

‘Yeah, but, it was our group, I wasn’t popular at large.’

‘Really?’

‘No.’

‘We got to know you well.’

‘I think so, and [ ] [ ] instilled the values of chastity among you, especially regarding me, because he wanted me to be different.’

‘I did.’

‘Why were you?’

‘My brother, I guess. He said not to be a slut, and the greatest devastation was the information that he had said, “I guess she’s a slut after all.”

‘Really?’

‘Yeah.’

‘You know that horrible sinking feeling?’

‘Yeah.’

‘She had that for years, [ ].’

‘Did you really sleep with [ ] again?’

‘In a car, in her car,’ says [ ]. ‘We were so hot that day, it was ridiculous, and I thought we would get back together but I wronged her by pushing the table at her and by believing gossip which was untrue.’

‘Why did you sleep with [ ]?’

‘Nothing short of idiocy. It was, and I don’t blame [ ] for his jealousy, girls are getting way to much attention and way too many options in male dominated arenas, a self fulfilling prophecy, it’s like his jealous lended value to [ ] which wasn’t there.’

‘You were pals.’

‘Recognizing that he was good looking perhaps lead to some guilt, but yes, I was, I must admit, flattered by his attention, but I should have been more disciplined as a warrant, than to chum around with a sergeant.’

‘[ ] was her best partner and she lost him.’

‘Back to me. Who is this girl? Do I know her? Have I fucked her? Because I’m popular too, Loraine, I use my mind to get girls, and they like it, [ ] [ ]--’

‘Let’s stop you there, she is a three billion and no where near the friend that Loraine was, she is not stupid but she was using men and you got caught up in her, too bad, let’s never make that mistake again, listen to me, you have done exactly what Loraine theorized, lived vicariously through women--’

‘Is that her latest?’ asks 50 Cent. ‘Because she is fucken right. She, is, fucken, fucken, fucken, fucken, right. I have seen this time and again, and I had no explanation for it. These guys will put up with anything, just so someone is having a decent sex life.’

‘Are you jealous of me with hookers, Loraine?’

‘No, proud.’

‘Why?’

‘Because women are getting away with murder.’

‘Amassing numbers.’

‘Yeah.’

‘And we can’t keep up. How do you explain yourself?’

‘This is where I lead you to the book. Loraine has been as good as she could be. Say “more,” Loraine.’

‘Yes, God.’

(more)