#thank god it's the weekend at least and i'll be able to sleep as long as i damn well please on sunday

[txmxkis]

i'm supposed to be out all fucking day tomorrow too

[lewsnumerounofan]

party foul (jeremiah fisher x reader)

summary: so what if you're in love with your best friend, jeremiah fisher? one drunk kiss won't change anything. right?

notes: not biblically accurate conrad, teen drinking, kissing, 3k words, reader previously dated co**ad, angst/miscomm., not proof read at all

+ part 2

+ i never keep the same tense i'm so sooryim gooo fuckjuhnbsorry oh my god and dw abt the header image!!!!!! it's okay!!!!!

kissing jere was easy.

it was the first thing you noticed. how easy it was to let his lips slant over yours, to tilt your head back at the greedy request of his hands, to forget about the party and conrad and the house.

it was just him and the feel of his mouth on yours.

you hadn't expected this, to say the least. in fact, you'd been bracing for an awkward and mostly miserable night. ever since conrad and you had split back in june, things had been awful. the breakup had been bad itself--getting ditched at prom without explanation was one thing--but watching conrad get back with nicole a week later was even worse.

so you were pleasantly surprised with yourself when you decided to go to the fisher's goodbye party, despite whatever tension there might be between you and conrad.

if you were being honest with yourself though, you mostly had jeremiah to thank. you two had been best friends since childhood, but ever since his brother had broken your heart, jere had been there for you. all the time, really. he'd drive down on weekends to check up on you. and when susannah had gotten worse, you'd driven up to make sure he was eating and sleeping too.

so of course he'd been able to convince you to come stay, waving off your concerns about conrad. i want you there, he'd said. i really want you there. and so you'd come. you arrived late, tired from the hours of highway driving. already the house was packed with hap hazardously parked cars and drunk teenagers. the music was loud even on the warm streets outside, and you couldn't help but feel excited as you pulled your bag out of your car and started towards the party.

taylor was the one who opened the door for you. she launched herself into a hug, giggling and shrieking as you two swung around.

"oh my god. you have no idea how happy i am to see you," she yelled, dragging you into the crowded house.

together you fumbled upstairs, eventually breaking into one of the larger rooms. various assortments of air mattresses and water beds covered the floor. jere had called you as soon as they'd gotten back from the boardwalk about julia's suprise moving. it wasn't often you heard him so... defeated.

"you can drop your stuff wherever," said taylor, "but the one in the corner is jeremy's."

she didn't even bother to hide her grin as you slapped her arm. nothing, not even your best kept secret, made it past taylor.

"shut up. you can't say anything to him or i swear i'll kill you," you promised, only half joking.

"oh please. he hasn't stopped talking about you the whole trip. it's disgusting."

you tried not to smile at that--jere talked about you? i mean, he'd called you just about every day for the last few months. more, on days when things were hard. but still, you felt almost nervous at the thought of seeing him now. of what it might be like between you.

your thoughts were cut off by a shout of your name. running into the room was belly. well, not running--rolling.

"oh my god bell what are you wearing?" you asked. it was too late though, because she was wrapping you up in a wobbly, crushing hug.

"roller skates? duh? they're an old pair of susannah's," she said.

you'd missed belly. she looked fucking adorable in her little vintage number, and you hugged her again just because. over her shoulder you could see steven grinning, and conrad too. you waved to the later while steven strode over, ruffling your hair before taking your bag from you.

"long time no see, city-girl," he said.

"yeah yeah yeah. just be nice to my bag, okay? it's got some very delicate presents," you said. steven raised his eyebrows but did as you said, placing your bag onto the bed taylor had indicated earlier. jere's bed. taylor and steven met eyes and winked--uh oh. the last thing you needed was them trying to set you up with your best friend. your best friend who you're in love with, something inside you said. you tried your best to strangle it.

"hey."

this time it was conrad, who was sporting a pair of atrocious sunflower sunglasses on the top of his head.

"hey. i like the glasses," you said, doing your best to smile. it was weird to talk like this to him. you were so angry and embarrassed and sad because of him for so long, and now there was just... nothing. and it felt okay.

"uh, yeah. nicole--nicole got them for me."

he looked sheepish, blushing in a way that used to have you fawning. now you just did your best to nod, saying, "well, she's certainly got a good eye for fashion."

you were saved from the conversation by steven's cough. he stood by the doorway, impatiently waving you towards the party.

"cmon guys, can we hurry this up?"

"yeah, gimmie one sec," you promised. returning to your bag you pulled out the liquor you'd secured on your way there, the bottles heavy in your hands.

"see," you said, turning back to your friends, "presents."

-

downstairs was even louder than you thought it would be. belly had gone all out for the party--strobe lights blared in every room, a kegger was set up outside, and a dj (was that cam cameron??) was spinning in the living room. you had to admit it: you were having a good time. a really good time. except for, that is, one thing. or person, really. jere was nowhere to be found. he'd even missed out on the group shots you, steven, taylor, belly and conrad had downed first beside the pool and then by the kitchen. jeremiah never missed group shots.

a little more than drunk now, you pushed off from your spot on the counter to find your bestfriend.

"city-girl, where you going?" asked steven.

"i'm gonna go find jere. i haven't seen him since i got in."

"i'll come with you," a voice spoke up.

it was conrad, who looked between you and the floor nervously. you didn't miss the questioning looks that pass between taylor and belly. you shrug at them--a little nervous, but not enough to turn him down in front of all your friends.

"uh, yeah sure."

so you and conrad made your way back through the party, scanning couches and corners for jeremiah. by the time you hit the stairs you were both sweaty and annoyed. you had come all this way to see him, and all of a sudden he'd disappeared.

"he's not picking up any of my calls," said conrad, pulling his phone away from his ear.

"me neither," you admitted, letting yourself swing around the banister to sit at the bottom of the staircase. cautiously, conrad gestured to empty landing beside you.

"mind if i join?"

you nod, scooching over to make room. conrad looked bigger than last time you'd seen him. he looked stronger too. for a while after susannah died he'd looked like a corpse--pale and skinny and only half there. even you could admit you were glad to see him doing so much better.

"hey, look i didn't really tag along to search for jere," conrad said, glancing back at you. shocker.

"i uh," he cleared his throat, "i mostly just wanted to apologize. for how things ended. i know i messed up really bad and i wanted to say i'm sorry."

in the hazy blue and purple's of the dance floor below, conrad's steel-blue eyes were genuine. for the first time that night they held yours steadily.

"i was hurting, and let myself fall on you for comfort even when i knew you weren't who i wanted. who i needed. and it wasn't fair to you. i know that now, and i'm sorry it took me so long. i'm really, really sorry."

huh. you hadn't really expected that one either. but it was nice to hear him say those words. you liked conrad. he was a good guy who'd had a rough hand delt to him. and yeah, he hadn't done right by you. but like susannah had always repeated:

"no harm no foul," you said, and let yourself smile at him. he looked relieved as he smiled back, no doubt recognizing the reference to his mother.

"you're happy now, i take it? with nicole?" you ask.

"yeah. more than happy, actually. don't know what i did to deserve her."

you're happy for him, in that moment. really happy.

"what about you? you finally stopped messing around and admitted your feelings to jere?" he asked.

"huh?" you drop, mouth open. there's no way.

"what," he chuckled, grinning harder at your shocked expression, "like it's not obvious you two are crazy for each other."

you can feel the blush spreading across your cheeks now, stomach skipping at his words. so they all knew, you realized. does jere?

"he doesn't--you didn't tell him, right?" you said, panic rising.

conrad shakes his head, still looking amused.

"no, but he'd be a fool not to see it. you guys are perfect for each other. really."

"thanks, conrad."

and you mean it--it's been months of awkwardness between you. and now you just feel... good. you feel like you've got your friend back. so you lean over and hug him, letting yourself remember that before your fling you were friends, and returning back to it feels comforting and warm.

"thank you, for hearing me out. i'm glad we can be back to normal now," he said into your shoulder.

"friends again?" you ask.

"definit--"

"what the fuck?"

-

it's jeremiah. he stands at the top of the stairs, eyes wide. he's wearing the ariana grande merch you'd gotten him. he looks the same and yet--

and yet something in your chest fizzes and your stomach starts running circles as you look at him. you missed him. and not because he was your best friend.

"jere--it's not what it looks like," said conrad.

and then you realized he did look different. the jeremiah you knew was always grinning about some secret joke, or making fun of belly or steven. he never looked... betrayed like this. and he certainly never looked at you with disgust. with anger.

"what the fuck are you guys doing?" he asked again, but this time he didn't even look at you.

"nothing, jere. we were just talking," said conrad.

you cringed at his words. they might be true, but they sure didn't sound good.

"yeah, sure," laughed jere. you'd never heard him laugh like that. it made your skin prickle.

"c'mon, you know i'd never do that-" conrad started.

jeremiah was faster though. he was up in conrad's face in a second, pushing him into the wall. you'd never seen him like this. he wasn't an aggressive guy; even when the brothers fought it was never violent.

"don't fucking lie, con. you were just waiting to take her back weren't you? waiting until you knew it'd hurt me the most, huh?"

you felt his words viscerally, like they were being penned onto your skin. hurt him the most? it was the closest to a confession you'd gotten, but it all felt wrong.

by now, partygoers on the main floor had started to notice the commotion. people were pointing, some even starting to pull out their phones. great.

"jere," you called. he paused, bright blue eyes on you. even now, fighting with his brother, jeremiah looked beautiful. maybe you had had a bit too much to drink.

"jere, please let it go. conrad isn't a part of this," you murmured. though you didn't break eye contact, you could see his hands loosen around his brother's shirt in your peripheral. jaw clenched, he heeded your wishes, giving a final shove to conrad before breaking away. he walked quickly down the stairs and into the throngs of people below.

"jere, wait up!" you call, desperately trying to follow the broad shape of his back through the crowd. jeremiah didn't bother trying to accommodate your smaller strides, and you almost lost him a few times in the packed house.

"would you please slow down? jere," you said again. by now you were out of the house, dodging pool floaties and scattered drinks. the blonde made no indication of hearing you as he kept striding towards the beach.

"jeremiah!"

finally he whipped around. he still looked mad--the set of his jaw, the notching of his eyebrows--but under all of it, he just looked sad. you hated seeing him upset, and you hated knowing you might've been the cause of it.

"jere, please. what's going on?" you asked, this time softly. he was close to you now. you could see his heavy breathing, could smell the perfume he always wore.

"how would i know. you're the one who's looking all close with your ex--my brother--conrad," he spits. he swallows hard, like he's checking himself.

"it was always you and conrad. even when we were kids it was that way. i was stupid to think it could've been any different."

he turned away from you, gaze hard. oh, jere. you have no idea, you thought. it was him--how could he not see that? how could he really think it was conrad you cared about?

you couldn't deny it any longer: you loved jere. and you definitely weren't about to let him walk away thinking otherwise.

quickly, without letting yourself dwell on it, you grabbed jeremiah's hand. he turned back, eyes wide. and you kissed him.

kissing jere was easy.

it was the first thing you noticed. how easy it was to let his lips slant over yours, to tilt your head back at the greedy request of his hands, to forget about the party and conrad and the house.

it was just him and the feel of his mouth on yours.

and then everything was static. everywhere he touched you--the long, lean press of his body to your front, the sharp slide of his jawline under your palm, the firm press of his hands at your waist. every sense was filled with him and his warmth and the way he smelled.

you were gasping into the kiss, hyperaware of the small noises he made when you pulled on his curls. of just how tall he was, how much he had to lean down to hold you like this.

you barely broke away enough to say, "jere, nothing happened with conrad. we were talking about you-"

"don't care," he said, voice rough. because he was too busy lifting you onto one of the wooden boardwalk rails, muscled arms flexing in the distant party lights.

you barely had time to settle before he was kissing you again, sloppy this time, like he owned your mouth and wanted you to know it. you felt hot everywhere, as his hands pulled apart your thighs and he crowded his broad body into you.

you'd kissed once before for a game of truth or dare. it had been sweet and short, and you both had been teased about it for years afterwards. this was different.

wholly different, you realized, as jeremiah's lips sought out the hot skin of your neck. there was no place except where he touched you; the noise of the party, the lull of the waves on the beach, the quiet way he murmured against your skin.

"jere," you said, because there was no room in your mind for anything or anyone else. he hummed as his canines bit lightly at your ear. jere.

greedy for more, you took one of the tan, strong hands holding your face and brought it lower, lower until it rested over your frantically beating heart. jere had pulled away to watch your ministrations, cursing softly as his hand fell over your chest.

"you sure?" he asked, and his voice sounded hoarse.

"yeah, course jere. it's you."

something behind his eyes sparked at the trust you promised. it's always been you. kissing you once more, gentler this time, jere let his hand run up and under the vintage bathing suit top you'd stolen from your mom for the party.

skin on skin, jeremiah was soft and warm. he was breathing heavy as you as he felt you up. forehead to yours, gaze keen as he watched you pant and squirm.

"this okay?"

you could only nod, eyes drawn tight at the sensation. he kissed you again, his touch more confident as you clung to his shoulders.

you'd messed around with conrad a few times. it had felt good. fun, even. but he'd never had you reeling like this, never made you feel like everywhere he touched was fire. that feeling was reserved for jere.

and as his thumb circled your nipple and his teeth pulled at your lip, you realized you were burning and there wasn't anything you could do to stop it. best friend or not, jere was the only one who could make you feel like this. ever.

you pulled away from his mouth. he looked concerned, and you could feel him move his hands away from you.

"sorry if i..." he started, blue eyes near scared as he watched you.

"no, jere it's not that. it's, it's just that i-"

"hey, there's my man! where the fuck were you dude?"

it was steven. fucking steven. on his arm was taylor, who grinned manically when she saw your mussed hair and blushing expression. please not now, taylor. please don't mess this up any more.

but drunk as they were, the pair didn't notice your nervous expression. instead, steven laughed and said, "so did you finally tell her you're in love with her or what?"

-

jere's face dropped. whatever softness you'd shared moments earlier was gone. his mouth set flat, hands that had been mapping out your body now closed into fists.

"fuck you, steven."

taylor's eyes were on you now, finally recognizing the tears you tried to blink away. with a hand on his chest she held steven back, some wordless communication passing between them. if you hadn't been feeling your own heart break you would've been trying to tease them about it.

instead, you chased after jeremiah's retreating figure.

"jere, will you please listen!" you called. but he was stubborn--you knew this better than anyone. one more time you tried, shouting his name over the stupidly loud party.

he whipped back around, blue eyes sharp.

"just stay away from me, okay? why don't you go find conrad to wipe your tears," he snapped. for a moment, jere looked shocked at his own words too. but then he was shaking his head, tearing his gaze away from yours as he continued through the crowds towards the house. away from you.

and this time, as people collapsed into the space all around you, their yelling and singing drowning out even your thoughts, you knew there was no use calling for him.

[ficjoelispunk]

TIPSY’S GIRL

"Say yes to heaven,

Say yes to me.

I've got my eye on you."

Summary: Sometimes everything you want is right under your nose. All you need is a little push.

Word count: 7.4k

Warnings: just a love story, happy without anguish, thank God.

Oneshot

A/N: As everyone is already tired of reading in my notes, this is another translated Oneshot. I hope I don’t disappoint so much with English. Please don’t give up on me.🙏

-

"Good night, Joel"

You said as you passed by for the thousandth time, a damp cloth through the counter.

"Good night"

It was visibly noticeable that only his carcass was present there. Deep and tired eyes, hair with curls slightly - perfectly - messy.

"You look tired, a lot of movement outside?" You asked with a gentle smile on your lips.

Joel leaned over the - now, clean - counter.

"Yeah…" he hummed, "with the winter many hordes of them move in search of warmer places"

You were pouring an shot of whiskey into the glass. You didn't need to ask, Joel always came to Tipsy after long patrols, sat in the same place since you remember, and drank exactly the same thing, every time.

"Smart Creatures..."

He smiled with your comment.

"Since I arrived in Jackson, I've never left these walls again" you handed the glass to him "we used to do walks, picnics, hiking, all the fucking weekend..." your eyes were stuck in the wood of the counter, several images taking over your mind, like flashbacks, "I miss nature" you snapped your tongue "well, I'll let you rest" your hands patted the counter "enjoy" you smiled.

Joel raised the glass towards him.

"Thanks"

***

Tiredness took over Joel's old and worn-out body. It had been three long days of patrol. Sleeping outside was becoming a big nightmare for the back. He just wanted to get home, take a long shower and rest.

He just needed a drink first. It was what he repeated to himself, as if, the fact of repeating this to himself sometimes enough, was capable of deceiving his own brain.

The truth is, he started attending Tipsy more for a single reason. You.

A woman with such a beautiful smile, that if the light of the world ran out, your smile could certainly illuminate the planet without a shadow of a doubt. Your lips filled the contour of your smile so perfectly. Your soft skin. The curves of your body. You are so beautiful. Kind. Polite.

Every time he’s close to you, his nerve endings fall asloment. He's afraid to say something wrong. He’s afraid you'll misunderstand him. Whenever he thinks about the possibility of having you, touching your skin, your lips, your body... he drives away the desire. He's not worthy. The things he's already done. It didn't seem right that the same hands that kill could be able to touch you correctly. You deserved more.

Too old for that kind of thing. So, all that was left was for him to observe her. At least from afar he couldn't lose you.

"If you keep looking at her like this, you'll make a hole in her skin," Tommy whispered to his brother, squeezing his shoulders.

"Shut up, Tommy"

"Seriously, you're a man, Joel. Call her out, it's not a big deal"

Joel just stared at his brother.

"C’mon man… She looks at you too... you're a nice guy"

"She's just being polite. Very kind to just kicking me out from this place"

"No other man would be good enough for her here, and you know that, if you continue with this shit, you'll end up having to watch any asshole take her home..."

Tommy shakes his head while waiting for you to come and serve him too.

***

Working at Tipsy was a quiet thing, most of the time. There were few nights that you had to put up with someone who ended up drinking too much, and inflating the courage to say things to you that would be at least impolite. But overall, it was something quiet. Decreased the feeling of loneliness - which you had also been used to dealing with - the end of the world does not provide healthy experiences, and keeping mental health in line is a daily exercise.

You had just left the library, selected another book - which you knew you would read in a maximum of three days - the plan was to sit on your old couch, cover your legs with the wool blanket you had knitted, and keep next to a good herbal tea that you had harvested in your garden in the morning.

The cold this afternoon was more severe, you walked looking for the sun, to warm it up, thinking about removing your heavier coats from the closet.

"Hey!"

The known and panting voice had just rested a soft hand on your shoulder.

"Hey! Maria, how you doing?"

"I’m fine. You? Did I get in the way of your thoughts? You were closed in your private world"

You smiled.

"I'm fine, thank you. I was making a mental note to remove the married people from the closet, it seems that we will have a merciless winter this year"

She nodded.

"Do you work tonight?"

"Not really, today is my day off. Do you need help with anything?"

"Yeah, I do. I was wondering if you could help me with the recipe for that Arabic salad you make, I've tried it a thousand times and I don't get it... Tommy will get sick if he doesn't eat this salad..."

You smiled.

"Yeah, shore. Tonight?"

"If you don't care..."

"No, of course not. At 6 p.m.?"

"Sounds great! I'll wait for you."

You nodded.

“See you there”

Maria has always been an amazing woman since you arrived in Jackson. She and Tommy welcomed you in the best way, with patience and care. As much as your plans were to stretch your legs up, you could never say no to this couple to whom you owe so much. If you were in a safe place today, it was because they had provided you with it. You know that Jackson is the closest to life you once had, and no matter how much it was a long way of pain and suffering, living was still an act of courage, which you were proud of day after day for having the courage to choose to live.

Tommy welcomed you with a smile on his face.

"Maria is making the baby sleep, can I help with anything?" He said as they walked to the kitchen.

You took a look at him, smiling.

“What? I'm a great co-pilot in the kitchen"

You raised your arms.

"I didn't say anything"

You laughed. Tommy taught you how to navigate the kitchen, left the ingredients at your disposal, while killing time talking. He was a very communicative man. It was no wonder that the community respected him, he was able to maintain order and protected about 300 people. Only someone articulate enough was able to keep the nerves of 300 people under control.

You were teaching how he should cut the tomato, when he got distracted looking behind you.

"Look at you man, did you take a shower!? Well, thankfully, because definitely Joel is more skilled than me in the kitchen"

You turned around smiling, Joel was... just Joel, a man whose presence did not have any explanation. He was a little older than you, a crease always demarcating the forehead, fierce eyebrows, outlined face, beard covering the face, perfectly messy hair, demarcated jaw. He had all the characteristics of a man, masculine, strong with a striking presence.

He wasn't a talker, few times you have the pleasure of seeing him smile, always worried, nervous or too tired, you had the feeling that he not had a good night's sleep for decades. The tension he carried on himself was something so poor that sometimes you have already found yourself wondering if you would be able to relieve the lines of insistent expressions that he carried on his face. If you would be able to make him feel relaxed, calm and serene.

But, although you could also swear to see him several times - a considerable amount - looking at you, every time - also a considerable amount - that you tried to pierce his shell, he always pushed you, gently and respectfully, away.

Today, however, you had never seen so many expressions passing through Joel's face at the same time. Surprise, nervousness, hesitation... he seemed paralyzed since he entered the kitchen.

"Hi" you said, your voice seeming to pull you into the world again.

He blinked.

"I'll see if Maria needs help" Tommy walked to her brother "can you help her?"

He stared at his brother, still motionless, but nodded. He slowly approached you.

"Are the tomatoes giving you trouble?" He asked pointing out where Tommy left the job in half.

You smiled.

He reached the cutting board with the knife to continue.

"You don't have to, I can..."

"I'll help you"

He looked at you so deeply, the luminosity of the house was dim, you have never been like this side by side, always separated by a counter, or far enough away to just greet each other with a nod. You had to look away, focusing on the cucumbers you were cutting.

He followed the cutting pattern you set to Tommy, and clearly more skilled, in fact. The big arms holding the small fruit, in such a subtle way, contrasting with the big hands and long fingers. The movements outlining the muscles over the tissue of your flannel. Hypnotizing your eyes with every movement.

"Am I doing something wrong?"

You almost got scared, when you heard him, too concentrated in that man's hands, making it difficult to take care of policing yourself so that he didn't realize that you had your eyes fixed on his movements. It was only then that you realized that you were biting your lips. You cleared your throat.

"No" you shook your head, trying to clear your mind, returning to focus on the cucumbers "no, you’re natural, like a Cheff. I didn't know you were a good cook"

He snapped his lips. A crooked smile crossed his lips.

"I have some skills"

You smiled.

"How does it feel to be on the other side of the counter?"

He shrugged, and looked at you again.

"At this moment, I feel better than ever"

You was fully aware of the heat that invaded your face, and burned in your stomach. You couldn't say many other things.

Joel stayed by the side until the end of the salad preparation, reaching all the materials you needed. Sometimes your arm or hand ended up brushing Joel's skin and body. Your body was so tense that it seemed difficult to breathe. The air was a little thick and the kitchen seemed very small.

Maria and Tommy came back for a while - which seemed very long - later. Maria prepared a meat, removing it from the oven as soon as you had just prepared the salad. You dined to the sound of maternity reports. Raising a baby was not easy, and raising a baby in this world was twice as difficult. Although Maria and Tommy had been blessed with a calm and healthy baby, a child who slept all night, and was quite calm during the day.

Maria served you a wine that someone from the commune had produced, with natural fermentation with grapes produced there inside Jackson itself. Tommy helped Maria organize the dinnerware, while you and Joel were sitting outside the house, in upholstered chairs that Tommy and Joel had made before last winter.

You hugged your knee, holding the glass with the wine, in the hope that the liquid would make its due effect and warm your body.

"Are you cold?" It was the first thing he said after cutting the tomatoes.

It was surprising that, although immersed in a silence, there was nothing uncomfortable to be next to him and to be silent.

You sighed.

"I haven't taken the coats out of the closet yet..."

Joel got up, covering your back with his jacket. You closed your eyes with the feeling of warmth around your body. He was hot. Your hands pulled the fabric to cover more of your body, which made you think how small you were close to him, the jacket could easily become a blanket.

"Better?" He was sitting in front of you.

You nodded.

"Thank you"

Your cheeks pressed your shoulder. The smell of him invading your senses. You were warmed by the heat that radiated from his jacket. And it was numb by the smell that the fabric exhaled. So comfortable. So cozy.

When you had finished the wine. Your eyes blinked lazy, it was time to leave.

You got up, unrolling yourself from your jacket.

"Time to go" you leaned over to deliver the jacket to Joel, but he also raised "Maria, Tommy, always a pleasure to spend time with you guys"

"There is no possibility of eating this salad if it is not made by you," Tommy said, hugging Maria.

You smiled.

"Always available, for you. Maria, give a kiss in that little one for me"

"Of course! Thank you for dinner, it was delicious"

She leaned over to hug you.

You were still holding Joel's jacket. You was going to say goodbye to him, but he was faster than you.

"I'll follow you to your home"

"You don't have to..."

"I make a point, I'll also take advantage of the ride and go home"

You nodded. He said goodbye to his sister-in-law and brother. Walking next to you to the exit of the house. Once they were walking through Jackson's deserted streets, he pulled the jacket from your arms, stretching it on your back again.

"It's cold, you can get pneumonia and die"

You smiled, making a face.

"So dramatic"

He was close enough to bump into your arm, with every step you took, his hands in the front pockets of the jeans. Slow steps. Your house was not far away, but the path seemed to drag under your feet.

"I'll stay here" you stopped in front of the stairs on your balcony.

You was going to start sliding the jacket.

"No, stay with her" Joel said.

"No, I'm going in and I'll be safe and warm. You still have the way home" your hands stretched the jacket for him "I don't want you to get pneumonia and die" you smiled and rolled your eyes.

His big hands held the jacket, brushing your hands. Even with his jacket, your hands were cold, the warmth of his touch could easily melt your skin. He was so warm. You two faced the place where your skins were. His thumb stroked your hand.

Your body was taken by an anticipation, an anxiety was making room in your stomach and it was as if you were getting hollow inside, burning the cells of the body.

Joel took a step towards you, shortening your distance. He was dangerously close to you. Your face were tingling.

His free hand rose slowly towards your face, as if he were giving you time to scold him. But you didn't. He touched your face. You stared at each other painfully, his warm fingers slid down the side of your face, and from your neck, moving your hair away from behind your shoulder.

He took another step, his eyes danced between your mouth and your eyes. He was leaning slowly, in your direction. His eyes holding your gaze. His hand holding your head. His nose touched yours.

"Tell me, if I do something you don't want" he murmured, close to your lips.

You nodded, your noses sliding on each other. Your head tilted to the opposite side of his head. Joel pressed his lips on yours, hesitant, kind. Moving away millimeters, bringing his body closer to yours, and pressing his lips on yours again. Longer.

You felt the softness of his belly, his firm breasts. You slowly opened your mouth to him, his tongue slid down your lip until he found yours. He tasted like the wine you had. You sighed.

Joel threw his jacket on the floor, his hand slipped down your waist and then down your back, pulling your body to him. One of your hands slid down his waist, grabbing his shirt. The other got entangled in his hair, your fingers in the middle of the messy curls.

The kiss became more and more intense, your breaths were heavy, your body was glued to his hot body, his heat taking over all your senses.

His lips separated from yours, his foreheads were united, Joel joined your lips in a long kiss, moving away again, you smiled. Still hugging. He moved far enough to find your eyes, running his fingers through the length of your hair.

"Do you want to come in?" You asked, almost pleading.

Joel brought your head to his lips, placing a kiss on your forehead.

"I should go home, sweetheart" his lips brushed the top of your head.

You were numb, your face practically glued to his chest, his smell, his body. His eyes were closed trying to record the maximum of this sensation.

"Okay..." you murmured.

"But can I see you tomorrow?" He asked, holding you against him.

You got just far enough away to look at him.

He smiled.

"I wanted to take you to a place"

You smiled, unable to prevent your lips from arching in happiness.

"Is it a date, Joel Miller?" You bit your lips.

His hands went up to hold your face.

"Yeah... would you grant me the honor of your company on a tour?" The thumbs of his hands caressed your face.

Your arms were around his waist. You pretended to think, pouting in the corner of your mouth.

"Yes, I would grant..." you ended up finishing.

He pulled you for a hug, caressing your back.

"Good! I was already thinking about how to persuade you"

You laughed, - as if it were necessary - you took advantage of the warmth of his arms for another moment, until you walked away, reluctant - it didn't seem that neither of you were happy to let go - taking a few steps back, until you climb your stairs.

"See you tomorrow morning" Joel said as he took his jacket from the floor, and took slow steps back.

He waited for you to enter the house.

-

It was difficult to contain the outbreak your body exhaled. You were feeling like a fucking teenager. Since the first time you saw Joel, your pupil has dilated. He was a man who drew attention, the kind of guy you wanted to wrap you in his strong arms, the kind of guy who made you fantasize about things. The way he walks. The way he speaks. Always looking so distant and mysterious, but shy and gentleman.

You noticed his looks at you. But he seemed so distant, he seemed to be so involved in this end-of-the-world thing, so hurt by the pain that, obviously, everyone went through that, it didn't make sense for you to fantasize something, it seemed unlikely that he was willing to be distracted to the point of risking having feelings for someone.

People always commented on him. When people can't pierce someone's bubble, when they can't explain their questions, they always end up attacking. There have always been buzz about how cruel and merciless man Joel is. About the things he was able to do, because he had already done.

But with you he has always been kind and respectful, up to this point, this is a matter of education, only. However, you knew hundreds of people who were very good and not even if you wanted education could sustain for a long time, depending on the scenario.

There were, of course, many women who were sentimentally frustrated with him. Joel wasn't really in the mood. Beautiful, strong and intelligent women, fragile and petty women, he was the kind of guy who made any woman's type. That, for sure, also raised a lot of gossip.

Working at Tipsy was something that made you, whether you like it or not, end up listening, seeing and being a victim, of all kinds of things, even more so in a bunch of people, in which everyone knows everyone, and, unfortunately, everyone is busy with everyone's life.

Little by little you learned to filter the things that reached your ears. And, anyway, for you, Joel has always been a respectful man, above all. Your mind was clear and aligned with the possibility that he was someone difficult before Jackson, but who wouldn't be? There are things that could be justifiable, and there are things that perhaps, were not justifiable, maybe not necessary. But the moment wasn't the best either. Extreme moments, sometimes they ask for extreme attitudes. Anyway, it didn't make much difference to you.

What made a difference was that he was a kind man, he was never rude, not even when someone was being inconvenient. It was never disrespectful, not even when he drank too much. He was always willing and available to the people - which he certainly knew - spoke of him behind his back. And, what caught his attention the most, he was always protective, careful and loving with his daughter, Ellie.

It wasn't easy to raise a teenager before, you knew, now it should probably be terrifying. Even so, he kept himself patient, eyes always attentive and full of tenderness, ready for any sign that Ellie could think of giving. Always ready for her. That was one of the things that moved your heart the most. It was visibly noticeable that he would cut without blinking a limb for this girl. This kind of love was something you appreciated.

Joel knocked on your door, shortly after the sun settled in the sky. The morning was cold, there was a considerably dense fog hovering over Jackson's streets. The snow would not take long to start giving its first signs. The thermometers already marked low enough temperatures to roll up scarves and wear three layers of blouse, and maybe a cap, if you wanted to increase the look.

"Hi," you smiled at him.

"Morning, sweetheart" he leaned hesitantly towards you.

Your feet forced themselves to stay at the ends, in an attempt to reach him halfway. Joel pressed his lips on yours, time-consuming, needy. You smiled, he slowly walked away, you climbed up your body to give another quick kiss.

"Ready?"

You nodded.

"I hope so, should I bring something?" Your eyes catch the backpack on his back.

He shakes his head.

"No, don’t worry, I have everything we need"

You nod, closing the door behind you.

***

Anxiety has always been something that tormented Joel's head. Before he thought too much for fear of not being a good father to Sarah. Then he blamed himself for Sarah's mother having left, and how it would affect Sarah's life. And then came the concerns about how he would solve life and be able to provide a good future for Sarah. Oh, how painful it was to think about the future and Sarah.

There was a moment when anxiety and sadness entangled so much in his mind that there was only room for these two feelings. Apart from, of course, the responsibility of keeping Tommy well, alive and safe.

Of course, things got better when Ellie arrived. There was the time when the fear of losing her consumed him. Now she was big enough to push him away, to make the decisions by herself. Even so, she will always be a good child, and he loves her unconditionally, he will always be there for when she needs it. There was the anxiety and the worry of keeping her safe. There would always be. But he knew Jackson was safe. He himself made sure to keep Jackson safe for her.

But now for the first time in a long time, the anxiety he felt was whether he would find you on Tipsy, if he would know how to answer your questions well enough that you didn't think he was an idiot. He felt the anxiety of, needing to contain himself, of needing to control the desire to touch you. Or one day you end up knowing that you finally found someone to be. He needed to control the impulses to drive away the men who flirted with you. To observe the malicious eyes that lingered on you. Joel could read the guys' minds as if their fucking brains were on a big screen. And just that, it was enough for him to long for just an opportunity to punch these men in the face.

He couldn't remember the last time he felt like this, about someone else. He dreamed of you. He was nervous about the idea of meeting you. He liked your voice, your smile, the way you moved, the sweet way you looked at him. Your hair... he knew that if he approached you, he would be at risk of wanting you for him, for the rest of his life.

Tommy invited him to dinner, without telling him that you would be there. He knew the moment he saw you, that Tommy was pushing him. And he can't blame him. Tommy knew him as well as he could know himself. Joel saw you arrive, he saw you settle down, he saw you building friendships, he saw you wisely dealing with people, he saw you being simply you, as if the fucking world was not over, and you had managed to stay perfectly good.

At all times, he can't take his eyes off you. He vividly remembers the day you met him - because, he already knew you - the soft and basically sacred skin of your hands gently shook Joel's hands. Your big Corsican eyes, slightly closed when your lips drawn by God's own hands, opened in the most beautiful smile he had ever seen.

And then he was there, holding your body against his, your mouth merging with his. Your heavy breathing, as inviting as he could imagine, was difficult to hold the impulse of wanting to drag you to his bed, immediately undressing your body, and warm it up with his body on yours. Finally being able to feel the taste and flesh of your lips. Your smell and the small sounds you made when he pulled your body closer to his.

He had found the passage to paradise.

Now he could only be anxious to be good enough for you, good enough to have it, and enough to keep it.

You were beautiful in the morning, properly wrapped up, which was good, you were a little cold person, he had already noticed. Maybe it was because you were a small woman, the wind overtook you easily. He smiled with the thought.

Joel bends his arm next to your body, so that you could hold his arms. You hooked yourself next to him, leaning your cheeks against his arm for a moment. It was deliciously satisfying to feel you snuggling next to his body.

"It's cold today" you speak rubbing a hand on his arm, in an attempt to warm your fingers with the friction.

Joel puts his hand on your own, which firmly hold him, feels you shudder little by little.

"It will snow soon” he watched the sky, and then you.

"What are you taking me to, Joel Miller?"

He smiles.

"You'll like it, trust me"

You two walked towards the stables. Joel had already left Callus prepared for you.

"Are we going to ride a horse?" You ask, your voice seemed curious but hesitant.

"Are you nervous?"

You shook your head. But your eyes said something else.

Joel finishes checking the sadle buckles, and walks up to you. He slides a lock of your hair behind your shoulders.

"Do you trust me?" He asks.

Your deer eyes force him to get a little closer to you.

"Yes, I trust you"

Joel kisses your forehead, holding your hand, to lead you to the horse.

***

How to explain how difficult it was to trust someone these days? You trusted Joel, he was a man to whom you naturally transmitted security. But it was impossible to avoid the butterflies dancing in your stomach.

He helped you get on the horse. Your arms around his waist, as he led you out of the gates.

"Joel?" You couldn't stand it.

"Mhmm?"

"Where are you taking me to?"

"Isn't you a fan of surprises?"

You laughed. Feeling unfair to him, whatever it was, it seemed unfair to steal whatever he took the trouble to plan. So used to always having everything under your control, knowing very well where you are stepping, what to do and when to do it, you was not used to not having control. Trusting without knowing what to expect.

"I'd like to show you a place, just it"

You smiled. It was almost as if you hadn't stopped smiling since the night before.

"All right, sorry”

You two rode for a long time, but it wasn't boring at all. You couldn't remember the last time you left Jackson. It could be a fantasy of your head, but the air looked different outside, everything was so much more alive. Nature was something imperial, only it had a place outside. The burning orange colors of the leaves of the trees with winter coming, the almost dead landscape had a melancholic beauty. The silence, only the horse's paws, you and nature. Joel stopped Callus on the slope of a mountain.

It helped you go down, holding your waist, sticking you to the floor.

"Let's walk a little now, okay?"

"Yeah, sure"

He held your hand.

"You said you liked hiking, that you missed nature..." he looked at you "I thought it would be a walk you would like."

Your heart almost jumped. You said a lot of things to Joel when he passed by Tipsy, but you could swear that he was just nodding out of politeness, it didn't seem like he was absorbing the information, keeping your words to himself. That was very cute.

The trail went up the mountain, and at no time did he let go of your hand. He said that he had already come here with Ellie, - which was very sweet, you understood that it was an important place for him - you talked about trivial things in life before the outbreak. You already knew some things, such as, for example, he and Tommy worked with construction companies, contractors, things like that. It was a surprise for him, when you say that you was a biologist.

"Fancy..."

You shook your head.

"It's not like this profession is very useful now, you know. Builders are much more fancy."

He smiled.

You said that you did a lot of field work, research and always ended up in the middle of the woods, these experiences were what ended up helping you survive in the first years of the outbreak.

Being walking around there, next to Joel, the strongest of him holding yours, surrounded by nature, one of the places where you felt most comfortable, filled your senses with peace and calm.

There was a patrol post in the middle of the way, Joel passed by, he didn't take long, he just removed a guitar from somewhere very well kept there.

"I'll leave it here for when we're going to do longer patrols..." he explained as he slides his hand through the instrument.

"I didn't know you played..."

"You will find out why, of almost no one having the joy of knowing," he said ironically.

You laughed.

When you reached the top, you had to hold back the urge to cry. Joel let go of your hand, watching you take small steps, looking at the view in front of you. You've been to beautiful places before, but being there, with the world in that scenario, next to a man who thought about the fact how much you would like something like that, was simply indescribable. Such an affectionate gesture on his part.

Your hands covered your mouth. You looked at him with teary eyes. The view was stunningly beautiful, exciting. The mountains in the background. The green, the trees. The sky. Him. Everything was perfect.

"Did you like it?" He asked quietly as he approached you.

"Joel..." you looked back at the landscape that looked millimetrically hand-painted "it's perfect... I loved it, this place is amazing"

He smiled, hugged you from behind, resting his chin on your head, his arms around you. You stayed there for a while. The cold wind cut you, a painfully pleasant feeling of knowing that you were closer to the sky.

Joel opened his backpack, extending a blanket on the floor, removing fruit, water, and a bottle of tea. You sat down, Joel leaning against a trunk of a tree, you in the middle of his legs, resting on his breasts, his hands on yours, separating just to reach some drink, or some fruit, your fingers intertwined stroking each other's hand.

He played the guitar for you. This man's voice is a threat to your heart.

"I wanted to be a singer when I was younger"

"You would have been a star. Women would go crazy"

He laughed.

“You are such good lier”

You tried to convince him that he was really good at that. But he was a modest man, and too shy to receive so many compliments.

The silence was comfortable too, you had a book in your hand, feeling the sun on your skin, the birds flying in the sky. Joel was also reading.

"Joel?" You tilted your head back, leaning against his chest, to look at him.

"Mhmm?"

"Did you plan all this?"

He nodded behind you.

"You simply, you just eliminated any kind of competition, you know that, right? After today, it will simply be impossible for anyone to surpass you"

He sighed a smile.

"When you told me you missed nature, this was one of the first places that came to my mind.”

“Thank you, I really liked it”

“Yeah… I just didn't imagine that I would have the opportunity to one day bring you here"

You turned to look at him.

"Why?"

He seemed to be embarrassed.

"I didn't think you would give me a chance"

You settled to face him.

"What do you mean?"

He looked away, looking beyond you, at the landscape. He seemed afraid to say the words. One of his hands that were at your waist, reached a small and thin branch on the floor to distract his attention.

"Did you really think I was going to Tipsy just to drink that damn whiskey that Seth serves?"

You kept analyzing his face. Without answering.

"Tommy and I got better whiskeys when we went on patrol" he threw the branch on the floor, looked at you again "I'm going to Tipsy because I wanted to see you"

It took you a while to process the information.

"Joel..."

"I wanted to spend time with you, but look at you..."

You frowned.

"I never imagined that a woman like you would waste some time with a man like me, and... besides, I didn't want to bother you"

You tilted your head, your hands held his face, affectionately directing his gaze to you.

"Joel, what could a woman like me want, if not a man like you?"

He smiled, embarrassed and tried to divert his face from his touch.

"Look at me," you said, holding his face again, "you are a kind, generous, polite, respectful, honest man, I would waste any time with you"

His eyes seemed painful, as if your words were being stuck in his skin, as if he were being forced to believe your words, as if he himself was not able to recognize the man he was.

You caressed his rebellious hair, approaching him, to kiss him, soft and gentle in the beginning. But this was gradually being replaced by a needy pain, when his hand went up to your neck, the other fixing your legs so that you were on his lap, putting your legs around his hip, your arms leaned on his wide shoulders, he pulled you close, his hand sliding through the hem of your blouses, letting some fingers brush your skin. You moaned in his mouth, your skin shivering, his tongue plunged into you, making you press yourself against him, putting your body stuck to his, his hands went down to your hip, but his fingers squeezed the flesh of your ass. You were about to start moving your hips in search of relief when he walked away from you panting.

His forehead stuck to yours. You smiled.

"Sweetheart” he said “Maybe we should go back..."

"Yeah, it seems like a good idea"

You made a slight cuddle on his hair, he pressed some quick kisses on your lips, before you got up, put things away, and made the trail back.

The way back to Jackson was faster. Joel left Callus in the stables, it was almost incredible that you spent almost the whole day together, it was almost the end of the afternoon when you were making their way back to your house. You still had to work at night. Everyone who passed by you two, delayed their eyes, your eyes caught some women whispering among them. You pretended not to see it.

You were almost in front of your house.

"I hope I didn't make you tired, you still work tonight, right?"

"That’s right, but I'm not tired, it was basically like recharging the energies"

He smiled.

You were about to climb the stairs from your balcony. He held your hand.

"Can I see you tonight?" He looked at you looking for any kind of approval on your face.

"Joel, you can see me whenever you want"

He seemed satisfied.

"But you can come in if you want. I still have some time, until I start my shift"

You held his hand harder. Almost as if he had no choice but to accept. He nodded. You went up the stairs, opening the door, pulling him behind you.

As soon as you were inside your house, he pushed you against the door. Kissing you, slipping his tongue inside your mouth, he put his knee in the middle of your leg, causing a perfect pressure for the friction you needed from the heated kiss you gave on the mountain, you shook your hip, he moaned in your mouth. His cock was already hard and arching.

Going down kisses down your jaw, your fingers pulling his hair.

"I won't be able to wait until after work for this," you murmured.

"I was hope not" he said in his skin.

He could feel your need by rubbing your hip on his leg. Fuck, he wanted to feel you, sink into you, he thought about it so much for so long, that it was the realization of a fucking dream, kiss your beautiful mouth and have your perfect body like that for him.

His hands slid up your ass, pulling your body to him, you moaned. Your hands pushed his coat to the ground, desperately unbuttoning his shirt.

He pulled you up, so that you were on his lap, your legs crossed his waist, his hands on your ass holding you.

"Where is the room, babe?" He asked panting.

"Third door on the left"

He walked with you in his arms, while you kissed messy, you pushed your coat to the floor along the corridor. Cursing the - now - exaggerated amount of clothes. Joel put you on the floor, helping you undo the buttons on his shirt. Pulling his blouses by his arms, you undoed his belt, the button of his pants, he pulled the last shirt he wore by his body.

God! He was beautiful, so hot. You kissed the firm skin of his chest, he pulled your last blouse by your arm, and almost whimpered when he saw your naked breasts for him - you were not a fan of bras - your nipple was hardened, your skin goosebumps.

“Fuck, you're more beautiful than I could imagine," he murmurs, pushing you to bed.

His hands deliciously squeeze the soft skin of your breasts, he goes down a path of kisses through your collarbone, slipping his lips through your skin, until he finds your nipple, he gently passes his tongue through him, while the other hand squeezed your other breast, your silky skin against his big, calloused and warm hands, his mouth closes over your nipple, sucking you there.

You can't contain the moan that rises from the bottom of your chest, arching with the feeling of his mouth on your body. He slides his mouth to the other chest, doing the same to him. Your hands get tangled in his hair.

He slides his lips down your belly, deposits a kiss just below your navel.

"Are you sure of that?" He pauses, looking at you.

“Yes, Joel”

He kisses your belly once again and pulls the jeans by the legs.

Your panties had a shamefully damp spot.

"Fuck, babe" he slid his finger over hot and wet fabric "are you needy for me all day?"

"From the moment you suggested leaving" you were panting. "You are a bad man"

He smiles.

"I'm going to reward you"

You smiled. Breathing stuttering.

Joel hooked his fingers pulling your panties, throwing somewhere lost on the floor, crawling to the middle of your legs. He put a leg on each shoulder, it took him a second to appreciate the image of your pussy in front of him, you felt his warm breath approaching you, until he pressed a kiss on your clit. Your breathing trembles with the sensation.

He ran his tongue painfully from wandering from your hole to your clitoris.

“Tastes so fucking good..."

You moaned and he sank his tongue in your heat, moaning too, without avoiding the good taste you had, his hand passed by you, reaching your clitoris, your back arching for him.

He was literally eating your pussy, devouring you while you moaned arching at his touch, you were dripping, more and more wet while his tongue worked on you in a way you didn't even know was possible. He sank a finger inside you, feeling you contract as he stretched you, your breathing getting more and more panting, your hands ran to his hair. He bent his finger inside you, making you choke on the perfect feeling, pressing your clit more, you arched and undone around it, with a strangled moan, pushing deeper into you. He smiled, as he felt your body collapsing with pleasure for him.

He dragged his lips through your body, the wet and shiny beard, you were out of breath. He separated just enough to look at you, your hands were around his face.

"You're still sure..."

You pulled his face to yourself, kissing him, tasting you on his tongue. Your hands went down to push his jeans. He got up to take off the rest of his pants and underwear.

And, it was almost impossible for your to get better, but you had, he had a gloriously perfect cock, leaking from his swollen, big and thick head.

He knelt in the middle of your legs, taking his hands in your middle gathering your wet, passing over his length. Joel lowered his cock so that his head was in your hot and wet entrance, lay down on you, his body warm and heavy.

"Tell me if it hurts, and we'll stop, ok?"

You nodded.

***

He rested his forehead on yours, closing his eyes trying to focus on something other than your soft and naked body for him, something other than your incredibly hot pussy in which he was about to sink.

You passed your hands through his hair.

He pressed the head of his cock, and only then your pussy already clung to him tight. He pushed slowly inside you, little by little, giving you time to get used to him, desperately trying to focus on anything else, but your hands slid down his back pulling him against you, it was amazing. God! You feel so damn good.

He knew, he imagined it would be amazing, you were equally amazing, your beauty, your skin, your smile, he did not contain the grunt you made when you felt your hips meet and know that it was totally inside you. You clung to it, squeezing it, so hot and soft. The volume of your breasts below it, your body. Your mouth. You licked his lips.

It had been a long time since Joel felt this way, you fell so good, the feeling was painfully too hot, he could never dream of something as good as you taking him totally, deep in your wet heat.

"Fuck" you gasped in his ears “you feel… oh my God”

He felt you, every part of you, every muscle contracting, the weight of your breathing, your arms moving as if you wanted to touch most of it you could.

“I know, sweetheart” he kissed you while he was deep inside you. Starting to move, your hip moved to meet him, you moaned in his mouth “You taking me so well”

Joel was slow, he couldn't press too much, he would cum too fast. He took his time, savoring every part of you, every kiss, and every movement he made, listening to the beautiful sounds you exhaled through him.

When his cock was painfully tight on you, he moved faster, more urgent, your fingers stuck in his skin, your legs intertwined his back, he knew you wouldn't last much longer, your walls squeezing around his cock. Your breathing stuttering.

"I won't last much longer..." he murmured on your shoulders "where...?"

"Inside me..."

He growled. While fucking you harder, faster, sinking deep inside you, your body faltered, with involuntary spasms, Joel held your body against his.

"Fuck, that’s it, cum for me" he said, feeling your walls pulsing around him “c’mon babe, that’s it”

He can't stand it, falling apart inside your heat, pulsing inside you. Your hands pressed his back causing him to somehow sink deeper into you. He moaned on your shoulder, feeling his fucking leaking from you, through his balls, on your leg.

His body collapsed on top of you, you kissed his shoulder, his neck. After his breaths stabilized, he raised his head to kiss you, soft, affectionate. He moved so you could lie down and bring you to lie on his chest.

"You're amazing" he said, moving your hair away from your back.

"And, you wouldn't ask me out, like, never"

He smiled.

"I think you need to reward me for lost time"

He looked at you. Smiling satisfied.

"I can start with today, after your work"

You snapped your eyes, you were going to get up quickly, but he held you.

"You can be a few minutes late"

You snuggled up on his skin.

“Sweetheart?”

“Mhmm?”

“When you said I eliminated all the competition, were you serious?”

You looked at him smiling.

“It’s not like there’s a line of men at the door of my house, but, yeah, I was serious, I mean, I’m not crazy not to take advantage of you”

He kissed the top of your head.

“You are a dangerous woman”

"Yeah?..." you bit your lips.

He pulled his leg to be on top of his.

"Yeah" He said quietly, knitting his eyebrows.

You kissed the skin of his chest, he slid his hands down your spine. Your arm grabbed his waist, his fingers caressed your arms.

“You’d better get ready, because if you’re willing, I intend to be the last man of your life”

Maybe you missed your work on this day.

[yutanology]

Kids (Prologue)| NCT Dream × Fem!Reader

Warning : cliche, a few cusses, little fluff, possessiveness, NCT Dream being bratty and stubborn. No proofread :(

Synopsis : Y/n somehow ended up helping Mark babysit his stepbrothers for the weekend. That two days of babysitting soon turned into frequent days of her visiting them as they would throw a fit if she wouldn't. When she thought everything would be fine soon, it only became worse as time passed by.

Take note that Mark and Y/n are at the same age(15). 00 line are 7 while Chenle is 6 and Jisung is 5.

"Vroom! Vroom! Vrooom!" Jisung said loudly through his pouted lips. He was sitting on his big toy car, imitating the roaring machine of an actual car.

Behind him was Chenle pushing him on all sides of the wide nursery room to make Jisung feel like he's really driving the car. The younger kid raised both his hands up, enjoying the ride and the room was filled with their cute giggles.

"Hey, slow down. You might get hurt—" Mark immediately cut his own words, replacing it with a loud yelp when the wheels of the car they were riding ran on his toes. "Ahhh!" he instinctively crouched down to hold his toes that were now throbbing in pain.

The duo didn't even bother to look back at him and ask if he's okay cuz they're too entertained to even notice his suffering.

"Y/n, help!" he called out for the female who just entered the room carrying a very hyper Haechan on her arms that she chased around the house for almost half an hour so she could get him to wear his pants.

She had such a great time giving him a bath. Haechan splashed water on her clothes, saying that he wanted her to join him on his bubble bath. Ending him getting her hoodie soaked wet (she took it off and let it dry), thankfully, her shirt was safe.

He wanted to play with her all the time. He doesn't want her to take a break even for a damn minute and he never ran out of some things he'd like to say. Either he makes sense or not, he doesn't care.

She wasn't supposed to be here. She was supposed to be enjoying her time alone at home while it's still weekend but here she is, babysitting her friend's stepbrothers. It just so happened that she met Mark's parents when both of them walked home together yesterday from school.

They had a little chitchat and eventually got along. Then that's when they asked her a favor to help Mark take care of his stepbrothers during the weekend as they won't be able to keep an eye on them because of their busy schedules.

She was about to decline until she heard that they're going to pay her a fair price. Yup, she needed money that's why she agreed with them. Her family is not as rich as the Lees so she can't always get the things she wanted to buy. So in order to be able to, she had to work for it. She got her parent's permission that night, letting her do what she wanted.

"Why? What happened?" she asked Mark, trying to keep Haechan still or he'll fall down but she decided to put his feet on the floor. "Nooo! Carry me! Carry me!" Haechan whined, holding his arms up to her.

She tiredly sighed, picking him up again. She knew the last thing to do to him is to make him upset. He'd cry nonstop and would totally be mad at everyone. She didn't want that. Things would be harder to handle than it already is right now.

"My toes freaking hurt! I don't think I'll be able to stand up." He over exaggerated.

Y/n approached him to check if he's alright then found his toes flamming red. "Oh god, uhm, I'll go get some ice or something. I don't know how to treat that but I hope it would help." she rushed to the kitchen with Haechan still on her arms.

Opening the top of the fridge, she saw an ice pack. She grabbed it and was about to close the fridge when Haechan spotted the fruit popsicles. "I want that." he pointed at the sweet treats that caught his attention.

She reached the first popsicle, "I don't like that. I want the strawberry." then she gave him one. He better not have cavities for eating too much sweets or else she'd be blamed for it.

She helped him get rid of the plastic wrapper, throwing it on the trash bin before letting him eat the fruit popsicle. His eyes almost literally twinkled once the cold strawberry treat touched his tongue. At least, he's happy now.

They both went back to the room, handing Mark the ice pack to help it ease the pain on his poor toes. "Thanks." Mark sighed and she nodded, sitting beside him on the sofa but their eyes are still on the kids just to make sure they're okay.

"Where are your maids? Aren't they supposed to be helping us here?"

"They all went home to their families. Only our cook and our driver are the only workers left here." That explains why she didn't bump into someone else in this house.

Renjun was not so far from them. He's quietly sitting on the carpeted floor attaching puzzle pieces together, focusing on completing the picture into whole. Despite the whole chaos going on around him, he somehow found peace on the corner of the room.

Well, not until he found out that Jeno was chewing on the other puzzle pieces. He's been trying to look at the missing items on his puzzle only to find out that they're with Jeno all the time.

The two kids fought. Renjun was huffing mad while Jeno was crying. Even though he already said sorry, Renjun doesn't seem to forgive him anytime soon for ruining his puzzle that he worked on for hours since this morning.

Mark limped his way to Jeno to calm him down and Y/n took care of Renjun (and Haechan, of course). She was in the middle of a conversation with Renjun when she felt a tug on her shirt.

Looking down, she saw a sleepy Jaemin rubbing his eyes. "I'm sleepy." he said. He must've been worn out from joining Haechan at every trouble he initiated.

"Oh, wait a second." she told him, he silently nodded.

"Haechan, can you please sit here with Renjun for a while?" she carefully put him beside the said boy.

"Huh? But why? Where are you going?" he asked her after he took out the popsicle out of his mouth.

She lifted Jaemin on her arms this time which Haechan frowned at. "I'll just go take him to his room. I'll be back, I promise." She waited him to say something but he stayed silent, glaring at the boy playing her hair, completely unaware of the piercing gaze of his stepbrother.

"Uhm, we'll go now..." she awkwardly informed him before making her way out of the room for the nth time of the day. This time, she's the one unaware of Jaemin sticking his tongue at Haechan to tease him. Before he could stomp his way to him, Y/n was already out of the room with Jaemin, leaving both Renjun and Haechan angry of different reasons.

Throughout the whole time she carried Jaemin to his room, he continued to play with her hair. Twirling silky strands of her hair on his small fingers, droopy eyes slowly closing and his head weighed on her shoulder.

Assuming that he fell asleep, Y/n could only sigh in relief that one of the most chaotic step brothers finally took his rest. After climbing a few more flight of stairs, she reached his room at last. The whole mansion is too big for her liking but she's not the one living here so she can't have something to say to it.

She pushed the door open, laying Jaemin on his queen sized bed then she covered half of his body with his comforters. "Sleep well, Jaemin." she kissed his forehead before she left him and he slept with a smile adorning his lips.

"What took you so long?" Haechan immediately asked her, arms crossed on his chest and his brows still furrowed together. "Haechan, you know how far Jaemin's room is from here. Come on, stop being sulky. I'm already here."

She glanced at Mark reading a book for Jisung, Chenle and Jeno on the table. "Why don't you join them?" Haechan shook his head. "Because I don't want to."

"Aren't you going to take your afternoon nap too?"

"No."

"What about—" he didn't let her finish her words as he stood up and stomped away out of the nursery room. He left her there confused. Renjun who had finally cooled off his anger approached her.

"He's mad at you."

Y/n looked down at him. "I just tucked Jaemin to sleep. Why'd he gotta make a big deal about it?" she asked as if she's talking to herself. Renjun knew the answer but didn't blurt out anything about it instead he held her hand.

"Can we go pick flowers on the garden?" she smiled at him with a nod. "Yeah, sure. Let's go."

[cantarella-if]

It's not going to be for very long, but I'm not going to be able to write or answer asks for a few days to a week. Grayson bit my good hand and I can't use it for a bit.

I picked him up to groom and clean him up and the angle must have hurt him because he bit my right hand in three places. The cuts were deep and I ended up in the emergency room, where they took xrays to be safe, wrapped me up, and gave me a tetanus shot. My knuckles are already starting to bruise and my middle finger is swollen like a small grape, preventing me from doing most day to day activities because the pain is unreal. I'll be ok, though, which is the best news I have out of this god-awful day.

As for Grayson, he won't move or even look at me now so I'm worried I hurt him worse in my struggle not to drop him and free myself from his teeth. He also goes back to the vet in the morning (which now is just a few hours away) to determine what to do next for him and I'm almost positive he will have to be put to sleep because I can't take care of him anymore if this is going to be the result. At the same time, I really don't want to have to put him down; he's such a good cat and I know he didn't mean to hurt me or himself. I'll drop in to let you guys know what the vet tells us, but otherwise, since I can't type properly on my laptop or even hold my phone, I will be silent at least until the weekend.

In the meantime, please pray for him that we get good news and, if praying is not your thing, we could both use some healing thoughts. I'm on the verge of a breakdown and waiting until morning is going to be tough.

Thank you all. Much love,

~ Nik

[stefciastark]

Worthy ~Webpril Day 8

A/N: At almost my 4a.m, here it is! The concluding part to yesterday's little 'hidden injury' combined prompt fill. For some reason, these last two were harder for me to write, and I couldn't quite get this one to sound the way I wanted it to in my head (being sleep deprived probably hasn't helped haha). The struggles of writing sometimes - some ideas are just stubborn and don't always come out how you want them to haha Anyways, I hope you enjoy!

~Read it on AO3

~Read it on FFN

“I’m good, just a bit tired...had a big week of homework and helping Aunt May with the charity stuff y’know.”

Tony’s eyes narrowed from behind the suit’s helmet, his gaze a level of intensity usually only directed to dealing with complicated circuitry, mathematics, or playing the intimidation game with Nick Fury. Now that was some bullshit. Tony had known Peter for long enough to know that the more excuses the kid gave, the more likely it was that he was lying. Tony could practically taste the blood that Peter kept trying to subtly spit onto the pavement when he thought he wasn’t looking.

Above all, however, Tony wasn’t sure whether to be angry that Peter was trying to lie about how he was feeling and thought his biometrics weren’t being transmitted to Tony’s HUD at all times (it’s Stark technology, of course it would be), or whether he should be concerned about some form of brain damage because it didn’t seem to cross Peter’s usually so sharp and quick mind at all that his biometrics would be transmitted.

Tony decided he couldn’t watch Peter struggle with moving what were some of the lightest pieces of rubble anymore. Cutting the power to the repulsors, he landed next to where Peter was trying and failing to nonchalantly lean against the tower of debris they had begun to stack, and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“You’re done, kiddo. I’ve got it from here.”

The HUD inside the suit displayed an increase in blood pressure, which F.R.I.D.A.Y informed him was likely a result of ‘the human body’s response to acute pain.’ Tony knew Peter was a tough kid, but the way Peter moved looked stiffer than the Doombot metal corpses that were now strewn about the streets of Manhattan.

“No no, I’m good, see?” Peter returned to shifting the (smaller) pieces of rubble onto the pile. Tony had a feeling he was only continuing to wear his mask to prevent the undoubtedly pained expression on his face from telling Tony all he needed to know.

If Tony could pinch the bridge of his nose through his helmet at that moment, he would. He knew a compassionate and understanding approach should be the first port of call, but it would take the strength of a god like Thor himself to summon the patience he needed to deal with the situation at hand. He was tired, possibly mildly concussed after his skull had repeatedly hit the inside of his helmet at least eighteen times that afternoon, and he couldn’t wait for the day to be over so he could hit ‘reset’ on life and enter into the welcoming void of sleep.

Peter would have five minutes to come clean. Five minutes was about as long as Tony gave himself before his celestially bestowed patience wore out. Tony gave Peter a once-over once more as he continued to collect the smaller pieces of fragmented concrete. Tony returned to scanning the surrounding buildings for any hidden damages to the infrastructure, still making sure to keep Peter in his peripheral, his biometric data continuously updating on the top left of the suit’s inner display.

After five agonising minutes and another spike in Peter’s heart rate, Tony sighed in resignation and approached Peter. “Kid. Stop.”

Peter looked up, having taken his mask off moments before, happy to feel fresh air on his face for the first time since the fight began. Moreso, Peter was happy to have anything that felt like it restricted his already strained breathing off of his face. Tony could empathise with the feeling - experiencing an elephant sitting on your chest didn’t make the job of breathing any easier.

Peter’s expression to his instruction was one he’d seen too frequently; it was the one that bled with innocence, accompanied by the wide-eyed stare of a young Labrador puppy. “Yeah, Mr Stark?”

The helmet receded from Tony’s face so Peter was able to take in his blended countenance; it was something hovering between disappointment and barely concealed concern.

“Is there anything you’d like to tell me? Maybe...I don’t know, an injury?” Peter blanched as he felt Tony’s probing eyes drilling into his own before clearing his throat.

He began to return to cleanup duties, hoping that if he ignored the situation for long enough, it’d go away. “No, Mr Stark, everything is -” Big mistake.

Another round of Peter’s half-baked excuses and deflection were cut off as Tony interrupted. “Zip it, you’re busted. You can try to hide it from me all you want, but F.R.I.D.A.Y knows better.”

Peter cursed under his breath. Even after spending considerable time in Tony’s Spider-Suits, he still sometimes forgot about the extent of the capabilities of the technology and AI programming that came with the package. While there was no point in hiding it anymore, Peter couldn’t stop himself before he insisted, “really, it’s okay.”

“It obviously isn’t,” Tony said, unable to prevent his tone from taking on a scathing and acerbic quality. Dragging his hand down his face, he paused and took a deep breath, seeing the way Peter’s features were pinched with hurt he was trying so hard to hide. Tony had a feeling that that hurt extended beyond just the physical; it was just wrong. “Look, kid, I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to hide your injuries. I mean not like it’s possible anyway, you’re wearing my suit, for one. You should’ve known better.”

Tony supposed his frustration stemmed from the fact that he felt like he was looking into a mirror. He had wanted for Peter to find that little grey area to operate in in more than one capacity, yet instead Peter was currently taking a page out of Tony’s book, and not one of the good ones. ‘Don’t do anything I would do’. Well, attempting - poorly - to conceal any and all injuries unfortunately fit the profile. ‘Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do’. Tony had to give Peter credit; that book hadn’t been opened.

“I just didn’t want to disappoint you again.” Peter saw the way Tony almost imperceptibly flinched as soon as the word ‘again’ left his lips. Chewing on his bottom lip momentarily and stopping when he tasted blood, Peter waited for Tony’s response. The silence persevered and Tony didn’t offer one.

Peter couldn’t quite tell what was going on beneath the surface with his mentor. At times, Tony was able to make himself so unreadable that it made Peter both envious and afraid. Envious, because Peter hated the way he was such an open, easily read book at times, and afraid for the aftermath of whatever Tony kept repressed under the surface. It was like a game of Russian Roulette, except Peter sometimes wondered which he’d really prefer; Tony’s disapproval or the actual bullet.

“I…” Peter continued, fixing his eyes on one particular pigeon feather that was floating in circles just in front of his left foot. He found himself pouring out his latest insecurities against his own will; at least he told himself it was against his will and that it was the pain’s fault. “I don’t feel like I belong with you guys. You’re all older, you’ve seen more stuff, battled more aliens and wizards. You all know what you’re doing and here I am, the young kid from Queens who doesn’t really deserve his place next to the Avengers.”

Silence.

Before Peter could react to the shadow that started to loom over him, he felt himself being pulled into a not-too-tight embrace that managed to expertly avoid his sore spots. He couldn’t help the tears that prickled at the corners of his eyes and fought to keep them from flowing over.

“Just so we’re clear on a couple of things. First, none of us know what we’re doing, get that out of your head. Second, you’re every bit worthy of being here.”

The sound of propellers were suddenly very close, and Peter wondered how on earth he’d missed them altogether.

“Third, get in the helicopter. I don’t want to hear a single complaint about it, kapeesh? We’re taking you to medical.”

A/N: Tomorrow's prompt is going to be quite an interesting one to fill. Tomorrow's prompt fill might also be a little bit later than usual. I've got quite a lot on my plate approaching the weekend, so worst-case scenario, I'll update twice in one day ;) Definitely going to try not to let that be the case though :) x Thank you for your continued support and encouragement!

[imalifegen89]

A Legacy Left Behind - Chapter - 7 - When the Past Unfurls - Part I

Rating: Mature

Category: M/M

Fandoms: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1, Hawaii Five-0 (2010)

Relationship: Steve McGarrett/John Sheppard

Characters: Steve McGarrett, John Sheppard, Danny "Danno" Williams, Evan Lorne, Bates (Stargate), Laura Cadman, Alicia Vega, Kono Kalakaua, Adam Noshimuri, PO Higgins (OC), Samantha "Sam" Carter, Jack O'Neill, John McGarrett, Dr. Lam, Catherine Rollins, Wo Fat, Original Goa'uld Character(s), Original Characters

Additional Tags: Action/Adventure, Action & Romance, Military, Hurt/Comfort, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Violence, Character Bashing, Not Catherine Rollins Friendly, No DADT, Swearing

Summary :

"Sure John, I'll call," He promised as the SUV came to a stop in front of them. He and Danny both got in and seated themselves. He then gave a short wave to John who was still standing there by the exit watching them leave. Steve hoped what John had told him would be true, that his dad would be able to make it through. He was not ready to lose his only remaining parent. ‘God please, not again! Not so soon ...' His mind was repeating the mantra as Steve let out a weary sigh and closed his eyes."

Steve will find out about what happened to his father, who was involved in it, why it happened and so much more than he ever bargained for...

Hello All, Here's the next part of the series, and it's a two-parter. There are some plot twists on the way and hope you all will enjoy it.

Aethir - Thank you so much for your hard work and for finding some time to help me with editing, commenting, and giving out very helpful tips and suggestions. Idea bouncing and snark is always so much fun with you!!!

Part 1 - Honolulu General

Honolulu General Hospital

Hawaii

The six-hour-long flight in the old and noisy Globemaster had left both SEALs travel-weary and sleep-deprived. Neither had talked much during the flight, trying to catch a few hours of shut-eye, but among the jarring engine noise, the comms chatter, the endless shuddering, and the training maneuvers, that had been impossible. At the end of the flight, they had thanked the crew and disembarked with relief, each carrying their single duffel.

They were both on leave and therefore in civilian clothes, and instead of the usual armory they carried around, they only had their handguns and with extra clips in their bags. Although they were only making a visit to the hospital, neither of them was willing to go completely unarmed.

A short taxi ride brought them to the hospital from Hickam closer to the midday visiting hours. They figured if needed, they could wait in the hospital until they could see John McGarrett.

……….

"Hello, My name’s Steve McGarrett, I got a call last night about my father. Somebody named Curtis called me," said Steve, presenting his credentials to the male nurse manning the reception area of the Outdoor-Patient-Department. The nurse - L. Rider, according to his name tag - gave Steve and his ID a once over and started accessing his system.

"Yes, Mr. McGarrett, your father's been moved from the ICU. He’s in room 308. You can take that elevator to the left," he informed.

“Thanks.”

Steve and Danny both took off towards the given directions.

The room Steve's father was in wasn't hard to find. It was located on the third floor and the room had the number and the name 'John McGarrett' on a plaque clearly displayed. It also had 'Dr. Leonard T. Lester - Cardiologist' listed as his primary care physician.

"I'm going to go look around and find some coffee. Do you need anything?" Danny asked. He was going to give his friend some time with his dad before going in.

"Yeah sure, I could use some coffee.”

……….

During the six long hours he’d had to think about what happened, Steve’s mind had been busy contemplating some horrible scenarios. He hadn’t realized that he had been subconsciously bracing himself for the worst. Nobody in his family had any history of heart attacks and he didn't know what to expect, what to do or how to prepare. Being the trained planner that he was, Steve found the lack of knowledge rather unsettling.

What the nurse at the reception told him, gave him hope though. He theorized that since his dad's already been moved from the ICU to a regular room, his condition shouldn't be that bad.

Steve took a moment to compose himself, watching Danny as he walked away. Then he took a deep breath and knocked on the door before entering room 308.

……….

He stood still by the door to take the scene in.

His dad was lying on the bed and a white and blue hospital gown was peeking out from underneath the white blanket. There was a monitor attached to his chest and Steve could see the leads disappear through the opening of his gown. The apparatus was quiet and its screen indicated a steady rhythm while John McGarrett slept. Steve noticed there was an IV connected to his dad's left hand as well. He scrunched up his nose when the strong odor of antiseptics hit him in the face, contrasting starkly with the smell of gun oil and Old Spice aftershave he usually associated with his dad.

McGarrett senior was sleeping peacefully and didn't seem to be in any pain. Steve was content to let his dad be, preferring to let him wake up on his own. As he stepped further into the room, he saw a chair by the bed and lowered himself to it slowly, mindful not to make a sound. Then he placed his duffel bag on the floor and settled in to wait.

Maybe it was his instincts of being an active duty police officer - John McGarrett surfaced from his slumber knowing that there was somebody in the room with him, within a few minutes of Steve’s entrance. The slight change in the rhythm of the heart monitor alerted Steve to the fact. Not wanting to startle him, Steve leaned forward and addressed his father softly.

"Hey dad," he reached to touch his hand, the one without the IV needle.

"Steve!" His dad's eyes went wide, realizing his son was sitting by the bed. "What are you doing here?" John knew Steve was deployed and he was the last person he expected to see in the hospital this early. He hadn’t even been in here for 24 hours.

"The hospital called me and told me you had a heart attack," Steve explained. He was relieved to see that his dad was speaking clearly and wasn't showing any signs of disorientation or pain. In fact, he looked quite normal. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm alright," John smiled at the raised eyebrow he received from his son at that. So he elaborated. "Just a little tightness in my chest area. But the doctor says it's normal after an attack. Other than that, I really am feeling fine. To be honest, I didn't even know what it was. I only knew I had a heart attack when Dr. Lester told me this morning," He was more curious as to how his son got here so quickly. "Where were you when they called you?"

"Colorado Springs." Steve smiled. He couldn't really get into details about his deployment or his whereabouts other than that, but he was glad that he was in the States to make this trip.

"Hah, and you’re here already. That was quick,"

"Yeah, I got lucky and caught a transport.”

Steve was more than happy to just sit there and exchange pleasantries all day long. But he needed to know what happened first. He got up to go and fetch a glass of water for his father from the bedside table. "Dad, what happened?"

His dad took it and drank some water before handing it back to Steve. Then he turned on his bed to fully settle on his back. Steve put the glass away and leaned towards his dad, giving him his full, undivided attention.

"It was the weirdest thing, kid," said the senior McGarrett, frowning as he cast his mind back to the chain of events that led to his sudden health failure. “I was in that small grocery shop by the filling station near home. I had just finished filling up the tank on the truck and was getting some stuff for the weekend. I remember walking towards the counter to pay and that’s it - for the life of me, I can't remember having any pain or calling for help or anything. I was standing there one moment and was waking up on this bed the next.” He paused to take a deep breath and then exhale slowly. “Then there’s this fellow - Dr. Lester - is telling me how lucky I was to come back from a severe myocardial infarction with no visible damage to my heart,” he made a face, remembering his earlier conversation with the overly cheerful doctor who described the incident in vivid medical detail.

“How’d you get here?”

“He said that the shop owner called for emergency services and sent me here. Apparently, I coded on the way, but they managed to get my heart started again without much fuss. And now, here I am.” John finished recounting the incident.

Steve rubbed a hand across his face, trying to take it all in.

“I wouldn’t obviously know what to expect, it’s not like I’ve had a heart attack before - but I'd have thought that at least you get some kind of a warning sign, you know? Like breathing difficulties, chest pain or something,” McGarrett senior continued after a moment. “Not this going about your normal day-to-day business, and then a complete blackout, followed by waking up in a damn hospital bed - it just doesn't feel normal,” his frown deepened.

Steve didn’t say anything for a long while. He just took his time to sit there and watch his dad who seemed to be doing pretty much okay after going through such an experience. He was immensely relieved and was happy to take his time to enjoy the feeling, letting go of the worry and stress that had built up since the moment he’d received the call.

A knock on the door interrupted the comfortable silence in the room and Danny Williams entered carrying two styrofoam cups of coffee.

“Ah there you are, Cap, how are you feeling?” He asked, handing over a coffee to Steve and coming closer to stand near the bed railing.

“I’m feeling alright, considering,” John smiled crookedly. “Where’s my coffee, Williams?”

“Hey, I don't think coffee is on the approved list for you,” Danny grinned. He was glad to see the man looked healthy enough for someone who had just had a serious health scare, fit to be up and making demands. “Besides, this hospital swill is so bad it might just give you a different problem or three,” he sipped his coffee and grimaced theatrically to prove the point. “So when are they letting you out?”

“Don't know yet, my doctor is supposed to drop by any time now. I don't think I need to stay here any longer at all.” John stated confidently. He was not accustomed to sitting around on a bed all day, especially when he wasn’t feeling different from any other day.

“Let’s let the doctor decide that, yeah dad? As you said, this is the first time something like this has happened to you and they just might need to keep you under observation for a bit - just saying,” Steve cautioned.

He knew his dad and he could see the stubborn man was already planning on going home, to start acting as if nothing happened. He might even insist on going to work unless the doctor gave him strict orders to rest and take it easy for a while.

“Which reminds me, do they know at the station that you are here?” Steve asked his dad before he could start protesting about staying put in the hospital. “I tried calling Kelly before I left, but it went to voicemail,”

“No, I’m on leave - only due back the day after tomorrow,” his dad replied somewhat petulantly.

The room door opened again, this time granting entry to a short, balding Hawaiian native. The name tag embroidered over the chest area of his white coat identified him as Dr. L.T. Lester. He smiled cheerfully at all of them and went to the nearest monitor connected to McGarrett senior.

“So how are you feeling today, John?” the doctor inquired while studying the monitor.

“I’m fine doc, when do I get to go home?” John got straight to the point.

The doctor continued taking readings and making notes with an amused smile on his face. Then he went to unclip the chart hanging on the bed railing and made a few notes on it. After that, instead of answering his reluctant patient, the doctor turned to Steve and Danny to introduce himself. At the end of exchanging pleasantries, he finally turned to address John.

“Well, Mr. McGarrett, I can see you’re doing quite well and your readings are good. But, as I explained to you earlier, what you went through is quite serious and you might have damage to your heart muscle.”

Then sensing the alarm from the visitors of his patient, the doctor hurried to explain. “It’s what happens during a heart attack. The blood flow into the heart gets interrupted and it goes into a sort of overdrive trying to restore the flow. This overactivity can cause damage. Your dad was quite lucky that people near him reacted quickly and sent him to the hospital on time.” The doctor smiled again.

“So, what’s next, doc?” Steve asked.

“We do need to assess the possibility of damage and the cause of the infraction. The most common reason is usually coronary artery disease, which means cholesterol clogging the arteries. There are some instances this could happen if you were experiencing a seizure with severe spasms and contractions. We’ll need to run some tests to determine the cause and then plan steps for the recovery,”

“And how long will all this take?” The McGarrett senior looked crestfallen, resigned to the fact that he wasn’t going to get out soon.

“I actually have you scheduled for some of the tests now. Some blood work, an EKG, and a scan. An attendant should be here shortly to take you for those,” Then the doctor turned to Steve and Danny. “The tests will take about an hour or so. If you need to step out and have a meal or something, now would be the time.”

An elderly female attendant entered the room quietly, pushing a wheelchair as the doctor finished, and started unhooking Steve's dad from his various monitors. Steve took the doctor's advice and took his leave with Danny, after letting his dad know that they’ll be back once the tests were done.

……….

“Well, I’ve gotta admit man, your dad’s right. That does sound weird.” Danny said after listening to Steve about what happened.

“Why?” Steve frowned.

“My uncle Mario had a heart attack a couple of years ago. The man was moving some heavy boxes around. He’d been sweating buckets and breathing through his mouth for about an hour when my aunt found him and made him take a break. Then he felt pain in his chest and aunt Rea took him to a doctor. The doctor took one look at him and sent him to an ER. He’s been suffering from a heart attack for hours by then,” Danny paused and tried to remember the exact details his mother told him about what happened to his uncle. “He is fine now. He had to have a bypass and has to stay away from all the greasy food and the alcohol, but he made it,” he said inspecting the sandwich he took from the vending machine. They were both seated in the hospital cafeteria with bottles of water and sandwiches.

It was crowded and almost all the tables were full with families huddling together having lunch - most probably waiting for news about their loved ones. It wasn’t that noisy, despite being crowded to capacity - and nowhere near cozy or inviting - as one would expect from a busy dining area. It felt as though the sense of expectation, the sense of happiness, and the overpowering sense of grief had all tangled up together to create a very subdued atmosphere. Even the smell of food mixed with the underlying odors of disinfectant contributed to the gloom that pervaded over the souls lost in their own private worlds.

“Wow, I’ve forgotten how crappy the hospital food is. This doesn't look like a roast beef sandwich man,” Danny sniffed at it. “Sure doesn’t smell like it either.” Then he shrugged and started eating. It didn’t taste much better either, but he was hungry after the long flight.

Steve didn’t say anything as he nibbled on his food. He wasn’t really hungry but knew he had to have something to keep his energy up. He was thinking about his dad’s recounting of the incident. He hadn’t said anything to his dad earlier, but the more he thought about it, the less it made sense. What Danny was telling him also made it clear how unusual the whole thing was. He made up his mind to pop into the shop his dad was in, later when they left the hospital. Maybe he could talk to the shopkeeper and even have a look at their security footage if they had any. He might even find something that could explain his dad suddenly suffering a heart attack. Maybe there was something that his dad had forgotten to mention.

He needed to get in touch with Sheppard as well, to let him know his dad’s condition. He knew that John would worry until he heard from him. Taking the last bite of his sandwich, he decided now would be the best time to make that call.

“Listen, I need to call Shep and let him know dad’s alright. I’m just gonna be over there by that balcony,” he told Danny as he stood up, fishing his phone out of his jacket pocket. Then he walked to the area he pointed, dialing Sheppard. “Be right back.”

………..

The sweet and subtle smell of her perfume reached Danny first, as he realized the lady who was wearing it was standing right in front of him. He looked up and saw the familiar, smiling face of Lieutenant Catherine Rollins looking down at him.

“Well, hello!” He grinned. “Fancy running into you here, of all places,” he gestured at the seat Steve had just vacated. “Take a seat,”

“Thanks,” Rollins smiled charmingly as she sat. “I’m just here visiting a friend of mine. She just had her second baby - a cute little baby boy,” her face took on the same expression all women wore when talking about babies. “I popped in here to get a drink and then I saw you,” she said. “I thought you guys were in Colorado? Is everything ok?” Her expression turned into one tinged with concern.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. I’m here with Steve, actually. We got a call about his dad, but he’s alright. We just saw him,” Danny explained without going into much detail. He noticed the Lieutenant perking up at the mention of McGarrett junior.

“He’s over there, on a call.” he pointed with his head.

Steve was leaning over the balcony with his elbows resting on the railing and busy talking to Sheppard. He didn’t see the new arrival as he had his back to them.

Danny saw the wattage of Cathrine’s smile go up as her eyes ran over the view the oblivious SEAL presented. He hid the grin and blinked at her innocently when she turned back to face him.

“So, will you guys be here for a few days then?” She inquired, her gaze snapping back to where Steve was, almost unintentionally.

Danny knew she was mostly interested in finding out whether Steve was going to be around for a while.

“Well, that depends.” He hedged. “We have to see his dad’s doctor and see how it goes,”

He didn’t want to give any definite answers or any other details without Steve’s say so. He opened his bottle and drank some water, wishing Steve would soon return. So that he could decide what to tell this infatuated Lieutenant who was back to staring at Steve’s ass with a dreamy look on her face. Then something started to nag at Danny about what she said earlier, but he couldn’t place it. He pushed it away to sort out later as he saw Steve finishing his call.

……….

“Yeah, so that’s what happened. He seems alright and man, that’s a relief. Depending on what his tests and scans show, it’ll be a day or two more. But I’ll message you when I find out,” Steve said to John, who was quite relieved at the fact that Steve’s dad was fine. He insisted that Steve take as much time as needed to make sure his dad got all the support he needed. He also made Steve promise to message him with updates and implored him to take care of himself before finally ending the call.

Steve put his phone back inside his jacket with a smile. He very much appreciated the time he was given to take care of his dad. Moreover, he was deeply touched by the way Sheppard sounded over the phone. He had been really worried and the relief that poured over from his lover through the call was almost a tangible thing. Steve made a mental note to send regular updates as promised. It wasn’t something he would have done for anyone else, but he knew Sheppard would stress otherwise. It felt nice to know that he had somebody who cared that much about him.

He felt the good feeling wilt away when he turned back to see the penetrating gaze of Catherine Rollins directed at him. He was pretty sure he caught her in the act of staring at his ass. She smiled brilliantly at him and waved. Steve was somewhat reluctant to wave back and tried his best to summon a smile for her. He was sure it looked more like a grimace instead.

Steve didn’t have anything against beautiful women. He was definitely not opposed to being the subject of desire of one, either. He had gone out with many pretty women and Catherine Rollins, with her long black hair, soulful brown eyes, and radiant smile was exactly his type. But he was very much invested in another hazel-eyed brunet and he didn’t see himself veering off anytime soon - if ever at all. Even if he wasn’t, Steve knew that he still wouldn’t be interested in this particular woman. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but there was something off about Lieutenant Rollins - something that rubbed him the wrong way - that made him want to be on his guard whenever she was nearby.

“Hi, Steve,” Rollins greeted cheerfully as he walked towards them.

Again, he was instantly put off by the overly friendly greeting. They had only known each other for about 48 hours, hadn’t they? He had to make a conscious effort to return the greeting without letting his true feelings show.

“Hello, Lieutenant,” He asked, more or less politely. “What brings you here?”

Danny cocked his head to the side and narrowed his eyes, picking up on Steve’s discomfort instantly.

Rollins either didn’t notice or didn’t let it bother her because she launched into the story of her friend and her cute little babies with great enthusiasm.

Steve kept the smile plastered on his face as she talked. Then he made a show of checking time and gestured to Danny. “Hey, listen, it’s nice bumping into you here. But Danny and I’ve gotta run. My dad should be done with his tests now,” he said to the woman as Danny got up from the chair to go with him. Steve didn’t want to give her any details about their visit here and hoped Danny hadn’t run his mouth either.

With that somewhat curt parting, he turned and walked out of the cafeteria, with Danny following closely behind.

“So, it isn’t just me, hah? She gives off weird vibes to you too?” Danny asked, turning his walk into a half jog to keep up with Steve’s longer strides. Steve was eager to put as much distance as possible between them and Rollins.

“Yeah, you didn’t tell her why we’re here, did you?” Steve asked while stabbing the buttons on the elevator.

“Nah, not really. Just told her that we’re here for your dad. That’s it.”

“Is she following us?” Steve was staring at the shiny surface of the elevator door.

The reflections on it were slightly distorted. But Danny could discern the shapely figure of Rollins in tight-fitting jeans and green sleeveless top, slowly making her way towards them.

“Forget this,” Steve spat, pressing a few more buttons for various floors on the keypad. Then he swiftly walked away to the nearest staircase and started climbing two steps at a time. He knew his behavior was a bit irrational; she was just a colleague after all, not another enemy combatant gaining on him. Nevertheless, he wanted to get away from her as soon as possible.

When they finally reached Steve’s dad’s room, the man was already there, enjoying his lunch. It didn’t look much better than what they had either. John McGarrett insisted that there was no need for them to hang around since he was just going to take his pills and take a long nap anyway. He could see the boys were tired and wanted them to go home and catch a few hours of sleep for themselves. Steve relented and promised his dad that they’d drop by later around dinner time. He made him promise to call them if he needed anything before that and then finally hugged him fiercely, before taking their leave.

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: [Before, probably late PM night before or early af AM] Rio: What time are you getting there? Buster: [A time that Baze would fuck with] Rio: In time for the easter egg hunt then Rio: I've got to help set up Buster: Ava refuses to miss it, meaning none of us can Rio: Well, duh Rio: and no, I won't tell you where any of the eggs are hidden Buster: I could help you set up Buster: Then I'd know Rio: Then you would be disqualified Rio: also, doesn't seem very 'you', does it? Buster: If anyone asks, I'm doing it to help my sister cheat Buster: I'd argue that's very me Rio: I can see that Rio: I'll see you then then Buster: I miss you Rio: I miss you more Rio: today is going to be weird Buster: If it gets too much, just tell me Buster: Nobody'll be surprised to see me leave Rio: Not you, no Buster: I mean it, I don't even have to go at all Buster: If you don't want me to Rio: You should be there Rio: and I'd rather see you than not at all Rio: we have to try, don't we Buster: Yeah Rio: when did we get too old for the egg hunt? Buster: I wouldn't know, I was always getting disqualified Rio: you're too competitive Buster: There's no such thing Rio: I think the 😭😡 suggested otherwise Buster: You couldn't handle losing to me, that's not my fault Rio: it wasn't just me, thank you Buster: But I only cared about you so Rio: if you really cared, you would've let me win 😏 Buster: That wouldn't impress you Buster: Don't act like I didn't share the prizes Rio: I think you might've been forced to Rio: very ungracious winner, you Buster: Nobody's ever been able to force me to do anything, you know that Rio: I know Rio: and you always looked very cute Buster: Like I said, I had to impress you Rio: You did Rio: and you will Rio: it'll be very distracting from 🐇 duties Buster: You're not gonna dress like one, are you? Rio: Probably not Rio: make the adults uncomfortable and can't chase 'round after the kids very well in stilettos and a corset, like Buster: I'd offer to carry you but that would make everyone even more uncomfortable Rio: 😞 Rio: like no one cares about my comfort, honestly Buster: I care, baby Rio: I know Rio: we should have a few minutes though, when your dad is fighting granddad over the lamb/to be the new alpha and the rest are trying to keep the kids from ruining their lunch by making themselves sick on chocolate Buster: What could be more romantic, like? Rio: Yeah Rio: but we've got to make the most Buster: We will Buster: I don't wanna call it a leaving present but I've got something for you Rio: Is it a surprise? Buster: Until you find it Rio: Ooh Rio: what if someone else finds it? Rio: am I gonna have to snatch it from a child's hands real fast, like Buster: They won't, I'm gonna leave it somewhere that means something to me and you Buster: Separate from the Easter Egg Hunt Rio: I'm excited Buster: Good Buster: 'Cause I can't sleep Rio: Me either Rio: let's be together now Buster: Alright Rio: we can make each other sleepy when we wanna Buster: When we have to, not before Rio: That's good with me, baby Buster: I love you Rio: I love you, don't forget Rio: in a weird way, it'll be fun trying to find ways to show you without anyone noticing Buster: Put a dress on, that'll really help me out Rio: 😳 oh Buster: As long as I'm not the one blushing tomorrow, nobody should notice Rio: I can't promise no ears but I'll leave the tail for when we're alone Rio: that should save your blushes Buster: I appreciate that, babe Rio: I'm clearly not as thoughtful as you, but I do try Buster: You're clearly more thoughtful than me 'cause you don't have to try Rio: but I didn't get you a surprise Buster: You're not the one leaving Rio: so, when I come visit you Rio: okay Rio: gives me time to think Buster: I always think about that Rio: you better have a clear schedule next weekend Rio: 'cos all I need is an excuse to be in London Buster: I'll clear it Rio: I need the whole weekend Rio: we'll have so much to catch up on Rio: show much to show you Buster: You had me at next weekend Rio: you know I'm bad at being patient Buster: You've had to be patient for far too long Rio: I'm gonna have to get a better job though Rio: to see you as often as I wanna Buster: If you get another job you won't get to see me at all Buster: And you don't need one, you've got me Rio: You can't pay for everything, it isn't fair Rio: and I didn't say another, just a better one Buster: It's not fair that you'll have to find excuses to come to London Buster: Or that you'll have to job hunt Rio: I've got enough saved for a bit anyway Buster: Keep saving it Rio: Baby Buster: No arguments Buster: I don't need to save money, I need you Rio: But Buster: But is the beginning of an argument Rio: I don't wanna argue with you, daddy Buster: Then don't Rio: tell me it's alright Buster: You know it is Buster: I look after you and you look after me Rio: I just don't wanna take advantage Buster: You're not Rio: I'm not that bitch Rio: not with you, anyway Buster: I know who you are Rio: if your friends got any hot dads I can scam though Rio: lmk Buster: Obviously Rio: I'll do mums too Rio: if they're dumb enough Buster: They are Rio: Figured Buster: [Everyone's parents deets casually] Rio: 😂😂 Rio: damn, coming through Buster: Have you forgotten who I am? Rio: no but I always want another reminder Buster: [a selfie like oh hey] Rio: oh my god Rio: I want to be there to cuddle you so bad Buster: Tell me we can get lost for a while during this fucking egg hunt Rio: you've not forgotten how many hiding places there are, I know Rio: lots of people but enough space Rio: 🤞 Buster: You've not forgotten how much I've grown since I last used any of those hiding places, I know Rio: 'scuse me, I'll just be reminiscing over here 🤤🤤🤤 Rio: still, though, I know places Buster: I can't wait for you to show me Rio: [selfie back] Rio: show you that for now Buster: Oh fuck Rio: Can you think of a valid excuse for you to come to church with me tomorrow morning? 😏 Buster: Like you said, it'll look good when I apply to uni Rio: in theory, very 🙏 Rio: in reality, so 😈 Buster: I'll be there Rio: actually? Buster: Yeah Rio: I'll die Buster: I won't let that happen Rio: The others don't come Rio: not even Junie Buster: All the more reason why I should keep you company, babe Rio: Seriously though Rio: it's pretty nightmarish Buster: You've already sold it to me Rio: at least you can sit next to me Rio: none of our family will be there Rio: unless my nan swoops in and steals you🙄 Buster: You'll just have to hold onto me so she can't Rio: I will Rio: so tight, like Buster: Don't let go Rio: Never Rio: You gonna go to confess whilst you're there? Buster: Should I? Rio: Probably not Rio: but technically, he's meant to keep his mouth shut Rio: so you could Buster: You're a secret, not a sin Rio: we could ask Rio: definitely wasn't back in the day, everyone in the bible is cousins, basically Buster: I don't need a second opinion, especially from someone whose first opinion isn't something I particularly need to hear Rio: Okay Buster: We're not doing anything wrong Rio: it won't stop me if we are Buster: It wouldn't stop me either if I thought we were, but I don't Rio: Yeah Buster: Is that what you think? Rio: I don't know what I think Buster: Yeah you do Buster: You just don't wanna say it Rio: like I said, it isn't going to stop me Rio: but it must be Buster: If it was that wrong it'd be illegal Rio: I know it's not illegal Rio: but it's not accepted Buster: Neither's being gay by some people, that's not wrong Rio: well that's different Buster: Why? Rio: we could technically not do this Buster: My sister could technically never fuck a girl, she's still gay Buster: I still love you even if we don't Rio: Yeah Rio: that's true Rio: okay Rio: I don't know Buster: She has a right to be with whoever she wants, so do I Rio: I don't know how to shut out everyone else's bullshit Rio: the jokes, disgust, whatever Buster: They don't have to know Buster: I'm saying any of this 'cause I wanna tell them all tomorrow Buster: not* Rio: No, of course Rio: it still gets in my head though, is all I mean Buster: Yeah, I know Rio: do you think your parents ever cared Rio: it's different but people would've been funny still Buster: Of course Buster: My mum could've got thrown out if it'd have gone wrong Rio: at least we don't have to worry about that Buster: And people have always said shit about this family, one way or another Rio: don't need to tell me Buster: So stop worrying Rio: Helpful 😏 Buster: I can easily help you relax Rio: I've not totally killed the mood? Buster: Don't be ridiculous Buster: I'll do anything to make you feel better, whenever Rio: Do I ever make you feel better? Rio: feel like I'm not pulling my weight here Buster: You know you do Rio: I can do better Rio: just not tonight Buster: There is no better Buster: You're perfect Rio: I love you so much Rio: I'm not gonna lose you 'cos people are idiots with opinions Buster: You're not gonna lose me for any reason Rio: No Rio: but especially that Buster: Good Rio: so, about relaxing Buster: What can I do? Rio: What can't you Rio: you wanna call? Buster: Or you could sneak me in again Buster: What time's church? Rio: 9 Rio: most people sleep through it Rio: my dad, if he bothers to show Buster: So if I'm going with you, it makes sense for me to come over now, yeah? Rio: I think so Rio: you'd have to leave so early to get here on time, you don't want to wake your fam, like Buster: Exactly Buster: And there's less traffic now than there would be at that time of the morning Rio: Right, just makes sense Rio: leave a note for 'em to find later and no one will think anything of it Buster: Fuck that, all our calendars are synced, I just need to add this into mine Rio: 😂 Rio: Wow Buster: You've met my parents, babe Rio: Once or twice Rio: at least I know you aren't such a loser that you always stick to it Buster: Cheers, like Rio: Awh, babe Rio: you're an adorable nerd, you know that Buster: Come on, don't lie Buster: What do I need to bring with me to wear for church then? Rio: you can probably wear what you're gonna wear for the rest of the day Rio: assuming you aren't planning to dress like a 🐇 too, in which case, probably not Buster: Fair assumption Rio: not even if I ask really nicely? Buster: Try it Rio: Will you dress up for me, baby Rio: it'd make me really happy Buster: How happy? Rio: Happy enough I could be persuaded to do whatever you want in return Buster: But you know I could persuade you to do that anyway Rio: but please Buster: I can't say no to you Rio: Don't Rio: 'cos I never wanna say no to you Buster: Don't Rio: What do you want then, most of all Buster: I'm already getting what I want Buster: I'm on my way to you Rio: I like having you in my bed Rio: do you know how often I've dreamt about that Buster: Tell me Rio: I honestly think I thought about that every night Rio: just sleepovers when we was little, but then it turned into sleepovers where you'd kiss me again Rio: and then, you know Buster: Yeah, I do Buster: 'Cause I had the same ones Rio: if I knew that you would be fucking me where I fucked myself over you Rio: it's crazy Buster: Jesus Christ, when you come to London you'll have to pinch me so hard Rio: I can think of better ways to show you how real it is Buster: But I'm trying not to think about any of those possibilities while I'm stuck in this car Rio: But I can't stop thinking about the first time we do it in your bed now Buster: Me either Rio: I haven't been to your house there Rio: ever Buster: I've imagined you there so many times that I was literally about to disagree with you Rio: it doesn't seem possible right Rio: you've been there for what Rio: four, five years Buster: I know Rio: that's ages Rio: no wonder I've missed you as much as I have Buster: I'm sorry Rio: it wasn't your fault Buster: I took the dare Rio: I wanted you to Rio: you know I did Buster: You wanted me to kiss you, not lose my shit and ruin everything afterwards Rio: it makes sense Rio: you know what happened to your parents Rio: that's exactly what would've happened Buster: At least if it had happened that way you wouldn't think it was what I wanted Rio: you're strong Rio: you knew I couldn't do it Buster: We were just kids, I didn't expect it to feel like something we couldn't laugh off Rio: How could we Rio: nothing could've prepared us for that Buster: Like you said, I knew about my parents Rio: but that's special circumstances Rio: you didn't have to save me from anything awful, thank God Buster: We were best friends though, same as them Rio: Yeah Rio: why didn't they notice, tbh Rio: glad they didn't but Buster: They didn't want to Rio: yeah Buster: Whatever they'd rather I didn't do, they look away Rio: Mostly works in your favour Buster: It always works in my favour Rio: Lucky you, then Buster: Don't you feel lucky, babe? Rio: I'm sure I will when you get here Buster: You'll feel everything when I get there Rio: we can go out in the barn for a bit Rio: it's probably trashed but Rio: if you don't wanna be quiet Buster: You're gonna have to be so quiet when I touch you under the table tomorrow Buster: Tonight you should be as loud as you want Rio: I'll be so good for you Buster: I know you will, baby Buster: You're an angel Rio: I've gotta be, you treat me so, so nice Buster: I've gotta, you're the love of my life Rio: say that again please Buster: I love you so fucking much, Rio Rio: You're everything to me Rio: we've got this Buster: 'Course we do Buster: I can do anything as long as you're mine Rio: I've always been yours, and I always will be Rio: nothing will stand in our way Buster: Like you said, I'm lucky Rio: I feel it too Rio: when you go to uni, maybe I can come too Rio: not go to school, I wouldn't get in Rio: but be with you Buster: I'm not going without you Rio: Then I'm coming Buster: Okay Rio: I'll work out a plan for then Buster: We've got time Buster: And you've got loads of options Rio: How long have you had your plan though, nerd baby? Rio: since birth Buster: Shut up Rio: you know I love it about you Buster: Obviously, I know what I want and I get it Rio: 🤤🤤🤤 Rio: see Rio: so tell me Rio: don't tease Buster: You know I had to work it out when I didn't get scouted to be a footballer Rio: that's a crime Rio: but you'll look better in a suit Buster: Well yeah, I manage to make our school uniform look good so Rio: I know Rio: I've seen the evidence Buster: I know, I posted the evidence for you to see Rio: I don't know whether to thank you or get my own back and pose for some evidence of my own now Buster: You can do both, don't limit yourself Rio: Do you deserve both though Buster: You tell me Rio: Let me go look at those pictures again Buster: [also sends a pic of rn] Rio: FUCK Buster: So what do I deserve, babe? Rio: [vid saying thank you over and over] Buster: I should've recorded the sound I just made Rio: Can I ask the driver about it? Rio: 'cos I really need to know Buster: Or you could just make it happen again somehow Rio: You got any ideas how, daddy? Buster: A video worked before Rio: Well, I am desperate to hear you Rio: [pleases AND thank yous] Buster: [sending his oh so extra reaction, so soz to whoever is driving him rn] Rio: I'm gonna listen to that tomorrow when you're touching me Rio: so you can feel what that just did to me Buster: Jesus Rio: I'm gonna cum as soon as you touch me tonight, I swear Buster: You're so beautiful when you do Rio: really Buster: Don't you know that? Rio: Daddy 🥰 Buster: Get in front of your mirror right now, you have to see what I do, this can't wait Rio: Oh God Rio: yes, sir Rio: [pic for proof] Buster: Good girl Rio: How do you want me to touch myself? Buster: Like we're in church Rio: How you're going to touch me in church tomorrow or how I've touched myself in church before? Buster: How you want me to tomorrow, 'cause I'm gonna need to see all the ways you have before, and this isn't about me Rio: it's always about you, Buster Buster: Baby Rio: Do you think we can do it standing up Rio: 'cos we wouldn't even need to be quiet, when they're singing the hymns Buster: I can keep you upright if that's what you're worried about Rio: More worried about how high you'd have to pull my dress up Rio: but worried might not be the word Buster: We can do it Rio: I want you to Rio: how much do you think the people behind will see though Buster: We could sit at the back and then there won't be anyone behind us Rio: We could Buster: How much do you want people to see? Rio: I want you to be in control of that Rio: as little or as much as daddy wants Rio: 'cos I'm yours, and you're the one making me look and feel so good Buster: We'll sit at the front then Rio: Everyone's gonna see everything then Rio: what I do for you, what I let you do to me Buster: That's what real devotion is, which is what they believe they're there for, it's only fair Rio: it feels like a miracle every time you fuck me Rio: they should get to see god's divine touch at work Buster: You're the miracle, babe Buster: I want everyone to know that Rio: Shit Buster: Look at how fucking heavenly you are Rio: I look how I feel Rio: whenever you're with me Buster: I feel it too, never forget that Rio: I make you feel good, don't I, daddy? Buster: [photographic evidence of how good he feels rn because at least that's more subtle than the vocals earlier lol] Rio: Mine Rio: Be here so I can make that feel even better Buster: Soon, just never soon enough Rio: I'm so close, too Rio: if you let yourself in... you don't even have to say anything, just come up behind me and watch us explode together Buster: Fuck Buster: That's the greatest idea you've had in all the years I've known you Rio: I told you, when it comes to you and me Rio: the fantasies I have are never-ending Buster: Thank Christ we have forever then Buster: 'Cause I'm gonna make them all happen for you Rio: You're gonna fuck me forever, aren't you, no matter what Rio: I don't want anyone else ever again, it's not even like 1% of what you give me Buster: Fuck all could stop me, except myself and I don't ever wanna stop, you know that Buster: Never mind the idea that I'd ever let any other cunt touch you now Rio: You have to protect me Buster: I will Rio: You always have Rio: that gets me Buster: I'll never stop doing it either Rio: I need you Buster: I love you Rio: I love you the best Buster: Yeah, you do Rio: More than anyone else Rio: ever Buster: Of course Rio: Tell me to stop touching myself or I'm gonna cum before you get here Buster: No Buster: I told you, you look beautiful, I want you to Rio: but Buster: It's okay, baby Rio: Buster Buster: Rio Rio: Oh God Buster: Don't stop Rio: I won't Buster: I know you won't Rio: [recovery time] Rio: Jesus Buster: You feel better now, yeah? Rio: That's one way to put it Buster: How do you wanna put it? Rio: I feel everything, like you promised Buster: I'm gonna keep every promise to you Rio: I trust you Buster: You can Rio: Actually looking forward to tomorrow now Rio: how do you do that Buster: I told you, I get what I want Buster: And right now all I want is for you to be happy to see me, no matter what Rio: I was Rio: technically it's everyone else I don't wanna see, like Buster: Forget about them Buster: We don't have hardly any time left Rio: Yeah Rio: I can't think about that yet Rio: especially not if we wanna make the most of it Buster: [shows up so they don't have to think about it and can make the most of it/that fantasy she mentioned earlier happen while they're still very much in that mood] Rio: [live your best life kids, we can probably skip to the main event now/everyone being there, right?] Buster: [just know that before we do he's gonna leave her present in her bed because of what she said about having him there and what he said before about hiding under it and also know because I was cockblocked that my idea was some kind of matching jewelry moment that isn't obviously matching so that anyone else would notice but they will know and he'll be wearing his before she finds hers] Rio: [love that so much] Buster: [also x 3 I had an idea that maybe her boyfriend shows up to the egg hunt because you said that he has a load of younger brothers so they could be invited and he thinks it'll be a nice surprise for Rio cos she's been spending all this time with her fam so how awkward] Rio: [that checks out oh boy] Buster: [Buster gonna be LIVID] Rio: [at least it will be painfully obvious you do not want him there lmao] Buster: [that backs up the lie you told Nancy at least] Rio: I'm so sorry Buster: You didn't invite him Rio: Of course not Rio: still Buster: Don't Rio: There's nothing else I can do Buster: Bullshit Rio: What Rio: I can't make him leave Buster: You could Buster: Or we could talk without making him the centre of the conversation Buster: Those are just two obvious options Rio: I was just saying sorry Rio: we don't need to talk about him Buster: Like I said, don't Rio: Okay Buster: It's shit enough that he's here without you feeling bad about it Rio: It's unavoidable Buster: It's not Rio: Anyway Buster: Don't dismiss what I just said Rio: I don't know what you want me to say Buster: Do something then Rio: [leaving your mans like you really gotta go help with something right now] Buster: [😏 can't even help it like] Rio: [so unfocused on whatever nonsense you're doing like don't ruin the meal or anything lol] Buster: I'll make him leave if that's what you want Rio: You can't Rio: even less than I can Buster: 'Course I can Buster: And you know it Rio: You could Rio: but you've got no reason Buster: I don't like him, that's the only reason a selfish cunt like me needs, babe Rio: have you even spoke to each other Buster: Since when is that necessary? Buster: It's been a while since I ruined a family function, like Rio: Don't Rio: because I'll have to leave with him and I don't want that Buster: You never have to do anything with him, except the dumping Rio: Do I have to do that today Buster: He'd fuck off Rio: No he wouldn't Rio: why do you think I'm waiting Rio: you've not dumped anyone, it isn't that simple Buster: Yeah I have Buster: Girls get the wrong idea Rio: then you know, it's at least a conversation Rio: more if you've been together any length of time Buster: Why can't you at least start the conversation? Buster: If he can read body language even slightly then it's not exactly coming out of nowhere Rio: I'm just trying to have a not completely shit day Buster: What so you're enjoying having him here? Rio: Jesus, no Rio: but I'm not gonna enjoy dumping him and having to think up a valid sounding excuse that isn't the actual Buster: Tell him you're over faking it every time, that's basically the actual Rio: Well that's nice 🙄 Buster: You're not gonna stay friends however you do it Rio: Why not Buster: 'Cause he's well into you and you're telling him you're not anymore Buster: If he reckons he wants to be friends, what he really reckons is he can still fuck you/ get you to change your mind about being exes Rio: We've known each other before we did this Rio: we can at least try Rio: either way, I'm not going to tell him he never made me cum and reckon that'll do it Buster: Whatever Rio: he'll have to leave before the meal Rio: it's fine Buster: Yeah Rio: can we talk about something else now Buster: You tell me Buster: He's your best friend all of a sudden, apparently Rio: No he's not, come on Buster: Forget it Rio: Buster Buster: What? Rio: I'll do it, okay Buster: No, that's not okay Buster: Do it on your on terms, not mine Rio: I don't want you to be angry with me Buster: I'm angry but not at you Rio: you can be angry at me Buster: I don't need your permission Buster: [when you playing with aforementioned jewellery that he's wearing but she's not yet because you're not mad at her] Rio: you are though Rio: just let me fix it and be my friend Buster: Don't tell me how I feel Rio: then come see me Buster: [obviously does] Rio: [hug moment] Buster: [everyone busy yourselves for a sec cos they need this] Rio: [at least you're at your house so not everyone needs to be all over this gaff, you'll find somewhere] Buster: [just kill me cos he's so tol and she's so smol] Rio: [it's a mood everyone get on board lol] Buster: [gonna let you makeout for a bit so she knows he's not mad at her lol so hope it's a good hiding place] Rio: [have at it, we can break you apart by one of the kids shouting for one of y'all 'cos kids do not care] Buster: [Grace probably cos she's obsessed with Rio's everything at this age and forever lowkey] Rio: [we know you're that bitch babe] Buster: tell her you love her in between kisses though boy before we ruin your mood again] Rio: [we're having this affirming moment so you both don't freak out any harder here] Buster: [you're welcome] Rio: [go have some boozy bunnies] Buster: [I'm jealous tbh] Rio: [aren't we all] Buster: [Alison knows how to throw a good party honey] Rio: [its this whole fam's thing tm] Buster: [Except you Ro, thank god she's not there] Rio: [how awkward you aren't though like where's the excuse, you would've had to of been at the wedding] Buster: [fake sick but actually always on death's door so] Rio: [we see you sweaty, literally everyone else is here] Buster: [Only the couple on their honeymoon aren't babe, how dare you] Rio: [that is by the by, you've gotta join this party again, soz lads] Buster: [gotta pull her back for an epic last kiss though for that wrist touching again] Rio: [we always pushing it 'til we nearly get caught that's the vibe] Buster: [mhmmm] Rio: [when you've got to go idk paint faces or some shit and you're so 😍 like 'scuse me kids] Buster: [we should decide what they all get though for the cute] Rio: [better be easter themed children] Buster: [you know Grace has gotta have the girliest flowery moment that popped up as soon as I opened pinterest] Rio: [all the pastels for easter which when did that become such a thing really] Buster: [Billie gotta be a bunny for those Carly mems cos she not too old ever to be not be about it] Rio: [you like 11, live your best life gal] Buster: [even if she was 21 she'd still do it lol] Rio: [obviously Junie won't, Edie should also be a bunny but a horror one with fake blood moment, Janis should have American football player stripes but in easter colours] Buster: [what's Ava gonna have?] Rio: [idk a sheep or something] Buster: [how adorable] Rio: [obvs there's other fam kids and kids there but we don't need to worry about y'all] Buster: [Devastated that Buster isn't that kind of bitch to get involved, where's jimothy when you need him] Rio: [lmao, when her mans probably would so she has to awkwardly be up in his grill] Buster: [your actual bae just like 😒 and starting a fight with Nance cos he's annoyed] Rio: [joy of joys, like lads you need to go now] Buster: [at least they probably would eat next cos it's usually a lunch time vibe like christmas so they'd have to go then] Rio: [exactly, you can't invite that many extra people to a roast so soz] Buster: [there's so many people already good lord] Rio: [mhmm] Buster: [leave, get out! in my best jojo impression] Rio: [the casual relief] Buster: [we all know he's gonna try and kiss her goodbye and she's gonna switch it to a cheek one, take the hint Daniel] Rio: [we all know this has been v awkward no one be living] Buster: [at least there's so many adults round this table that you can accidentally touch because in each other's grill] Rio: [we're talking multiple tables and still being on top of each other, that's the vibe] Buster: [exactly so you're welcome for that lads] Rio: I miss you Buster: [putting his hand on her leg because same] Rio: [putting her hand over his] Buster: [smiling cos we wanna] Rio: [can't stop us smiling fam] Buster: [if anyone's looking just make a silly face at your fave sister it's fine] Rio: am I gonna have to talk to Nancy Buster: I keep telling you, you don't have to do anything, babe Rio: She looks 😠 Buster: That's her resting bitch face Rio: [😏] Rio: shh Buster: [does something a little bit saucy under the table] Buster: I will if you can Rio: Easy Rio: [definitely not but you don't want him to stop so] Buster: [going a little bit harder because you don't wanna stop either so you're not gonna go too hard and risk that] Rio: [just shifting forward in your seat, biting your lip lowkey] Buster: [when you have to just sneak a look because maintaining eye contact how you want is not an option rn] Rio: [when that lowkey makes it so much worse in a good way] Buster: [we're having a good time finally] Rio: [you gonna have to try and talk 'cos you ain't this unsociable so enjoy that lol] Buster: [he'd be loving that] Rio: You're very mean Buster: Not yet Rio: [look like ?/oh no] Buster: [going IN rn soz babe hope you're not mid-sentence] Rio: [just try not to die honestly] Buster: [and when you can have coherent thoughts think about how you're gonna get your own back] Rio: You're just the worst, you know Buster: Yeah, I know Rio: What am I meant to do now Rio: you can't just Buster: What do you wanna do? Rio: You know exactly what I wanna do Buster: So come on Rio: they haven't even brought out dessert yet Buster: And you really want a piece of cake, yeah? Buster: That's exactly what you want Rio: Obviously not Rio: but you're timing is rude and that's exactly why you did it Buster: I did it 'cause I wanted to and you wanted me to Buster: The timing's just a bonus Rio: [gives him a faux 😒 look 'cos you can do that freely] Rio: for you, perhaps Rio: I'm just over here, needy as hell Buster: [leaves the table like he's got a phone call he really needs to take because real and baze energy] Buster: So come on Rio: where am I going? Rio: really strict diet so I can't even look at cake? 🤔 Buster: Where makes sense? Buster: It's your house, you tell me Buster: But nobody'll believe that you need or think you need to go on a diet, try again Rio: I'd hope no one is gonna need to go to my room for anything any time soon Rio: Do you reckon your parents will wanna head off before coffee is being offered or? Buster: Not unless your mum makes a really shit one Rio: Okay, 'cos I could say I'm not feeling great but not if you're gonna be here for a while yet Rio: I don't wanna be stuck in my room without you, like Buster: Throw a drink on yourself, you'll have to get changed then Rio: Don't you like my dress? Buster: I like you more Buster: And if you're willing to sacrifice it, I'll make sure it's a worthwhile one Rio: Okay Rio: wait for me Buster: [a picture of him chilling in her room casually like yep I am] Rio: you look so good there Buster: I feel good here, I'll miss it Rio: Me too Buster: We've got time to make loads more memories here yet though Rio: [show up 'cos yep] Buster: [you're gonna have to be quick lads so make every second count] Rio: [also gonna put that jewelry on even if we have to take it off after] Buster: [the perfect moment to find that he's hidden it in your bed for you and yeah she can put it on cos gotta serve a new lewk so we can just pretend it's part of that] Rio: [they're just in love ah this is gonna be so hard for you lads] Buster: [you know he's putting that jewellery on for you and redressing you even though he should just leave] Rio: [we always doing the most to drag things out without getting caught] Buster: [gonna make her leave first anyway even though this is literally her room cos she's more social and would hurry back in any circumstance whereas he's a rude hoe and nobody would be shook if he was on the phone for an age] Rio: [gonna save him some dessert 'cos any lil way you can low-key be nice 'cos you are typically nicer in people's eyes] Buster: [that's so sweet] Rio: Come say bye to me properly Buster: I would if Granddad wasn't mid-story Rio: I see how it is Rio: 😏 Rio: well I'm going to my dad's so when you're finished Buster: When he's finished, you mean Rio: same thing Rio: apparently 😜 Buster: You want me to burn this bridge for you, yeah? Buster: Alright, when I ain't allowed to move in, you'll only have yourself to blame, babe Rio: Don't be silly Rio: I'll wait Buster: Me too Buster: When are you back? Rio: Probably not 'til you're gone, that's what I'm saying, boy Buster: You should've led with that Rio: why did you think I needed you to say goodbye Rio: I'm not just nipping out Buster: Don't go Rio: You'll be going soon enough Rio: we have to do it at some point Buster: Soon isn't now Rio: I have to go though Buster: Your mum won't make you Rio: Of course not Rio: that's not the point Rio: I have to spend time with them too, I've got two families Buster: Come on Rio: What? Buster: Your dad is a prick, Rio Rio: You don't get to talk about him Buster: I have to Rio: You don't have to say anything Buster: I do though, 'cause you're the one who gets hurt by him for still caring Rio: That's my business Rio: and he's still my dad, end of Buster: He'll still be your dad if you stay here Rio: Well I'm not Buster: [showing up to give her the most intense look of all time] Rio: [arms folded like what?] Buster: [putting his around her of course] Rio: ['say it then' but so quiet] Buster: [pulls her closer to him because cannot] Rio: [hugs him back the tightest] Buster: [keeping this going for the longest time cos we having emotions] Rio: ['what time's your flight tomorrow?'] Buster: [let's say it's early cos Baze have shit to do] Rio: [quiet for a bit like thought as much vibes but also thinking 'maybe on my way back, you can come out for five and see me?'] Buster: [nods because we all know he's gonna make that happen regardless] Rio: [overly cheery like great we have a plan 'cos now you don't have to commit to that goodbye] Buster: [gotta do what you gotta do kids especially if that's delaying the heartbreaking inevitable] Rio: [off you go to see your dad who clearly did not show to church] Buster: [have fun with that babe] Rio: [not to mention creepy Drew and shit nan, we living lol] Buster: [are the others going or just Rio like oh hey] Rio: [maybe the twins should have to but I feel like Junie is already like no thank you] Buster: [I feel that because all the more reason for Rio to go cos she's not just gonna leave the twins with any of them] Rio: [exactly and they're probably creating 'cos don't wanna either so then it's more stress than it would be just showing as is] Buster: [so soz that Buster is adding to it by not wanting you to go gal] Rio: [none of us wanna but this the life we're living of forcing effort upon Caleb 'cos thinking the twins might still want it even though we're already like eurgh] Buster: [mhmm and we don't even have Gus to soften the blow so please stay the fuck back shit nan except you won't because Caleb is basically always just making you do everything for these children] Rio: [when we pretending it's 'cos the cousins are here so you didn't wanna go but really it's just this hell fam and you're the only one old enough to properly grin and bear it Buster: [poor Rio in so many ways rn] Rio: [just making excuses for Junie like he's working so hard at school always 'cos 1. not not true and 2. she'll love that 'cos smart boy but we know he just can't hack the blatant homophobia] Buster: [tea, and when you should wanna see Edie and Billie cos they're Drew's kids and he's your son too effectively but you don't] Rio: [when we truly pretending they don't exist like the delusion] Buster: [it's so fucked] Rio: [and rude, and we blame Ali for having these white children for them not being together still, like that's what Caleb ever wanted and like they're not fucking Drews like okay lmao] Buster: [don't even go there on the shit she would say about Carly, my sweet summer child] Rio: [shit nan I'm soz your life is so busted who you fooling here but yourself] Buster: [but before we get derailed do you wanna leave this here?] Rio: [we probably can like they'd talk whilst she's there probably but we don't have to do that up to you] Buster: [we know the vibe, you love and miss each other and we wish none of this was happening in terms of him having to leave] Rio: [yeah she's not gonna spill loads on this whole dad situ after how it went just now so nothing of note would be said tbh] Buster: [we're not there yet, one day lads]

[bizarrewritings-blog]

Lie to me - C.E.

Youngblood Series

Chris Evans x Reader

'It's three a.m. and the moonlight's testing me. If i can make it 'til dawn then it won't be hard to see, that I ain't happy.'

Word count: 1,870

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Warnings: Little bit of Swearing

A/N: My first fic that is neither Sebastian nor Bucky whooo!

A Breakup was never an easy thing to go through. It was hard, full of pain and sorrow. At least that's how it should be, most of the time. That's how it has always been for Chris at least. He had been through some break ups before, being both the person who left and the person who's been left. He knew that it was hard for both sides, leaving a time of love and happiness behind and just moving on has always been a struggle. That were his experiences.

His last relationship lasted a whole of three years, and they've been the happiest in his life so far. He wanted to spend every second of his day with you, rearranging your flights so you could stay at his side a little longer whenever you visited him when he was away for filming. He believed you could've been the one for him, the one he had searched for all these years.

But that quickly changed when you decided that he wasn't enough. You two had a massive fight after you said you wouldn't be able to visit him in Europe, where he would be filming the next couple month. You had argued that you were busy as well. When he didn't calm down, you decided to leave and stay at a friend's house. After that, you only came back to get your things. You two were officially over.

It had been almost a month since you walked out of Chris' life, but he was still pretty much a mess. He still didn't know how he should survive the filming with the feelings he still had for you dragging him down.

If all this wasn't enough, a rumor that you had already found a new guy spread on the internet. There were pictures as well, but it was impossible to identify the man. But it was enough to make Chris feel sick. He couldn't control as his mind kept imagining you in his arms. Him touching you where he used to touch you, kissing you where he used to. His thoughts went farther, imagining you in the bedroom with him. Doing the things only he hoped to do to you. The mental imagines of you two made Chris want to throw up. He didn't deserve to feel like shit while you were already sleeping with another man. It wasn't fair.

The vibration of his phone snapped him out of his thoughts. He blindly reached for it from his spot on the couch, accepting the call without looking at the screen. "Yeah?" He rasped. He hasn't talked to anyone in a while. Apart from Dodger, obviously. "Evans! How are you holding up?" Chris blinked a couple times, confused who the hell was calling him. "Downey?" "Who else would it be?" Robert's voice was dripping with sarcasm, making Chris roll his eyes. "What do you want?" "I already said. Wanted to ask how you've been. With the break up and everything. We haven't seen you in a while." Chris sighed, his eyes closing as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn't need people to be concerned for him. He obviously wasn't well, but that was his problem.

"Look, we care for you." Robert continued as Chris didn't answer. "There's a party at this fancy restaurant a lot of people are attending. I just want you to finally get out of the house." "I'm getting out of the house often enough." Chris muttered. "For any other reason than taking Dodger out?" Chris stayed silent, signaling Robert he was right. "You're coming. This weekend. I'll drag you there myself if I have to." Robert hung up before Chris could protest. He groaned in annoyance, letting the phone drop on the couch. He had no desire to go out. But having Robert come to him to drag him there would be even worse.

~

As the evening arrived, he didn't know why but he was nervous. There would be tons of people telling him how sorry they were that it didn't work out with you. He shook his head, trying to get the thoughts of you from his mind. He wouldn't let you ruin his evening, he would actually try to have fun for once. He had showered, trimmed his beard and put on one of his favorite suits, a dark blue set with a complimenting bow tie. Robert had texted him the adress and time earlier, so he took a deep breath before making his way to the event.

~

Chris almost didn't regret his decision as the evening went well, he actually managed to laugh and have fun. Only a few people tried to talk to him about the break up, but most of the time he could avoid the topic. Until you suddenly stepped in as well, another man at your side. He stopped the conversation he was currently holding with Sebastian and Anthony, his gaze shamelessly running over your body as his jaw slacked. You wore the dress he always loved on you, it hugged you curves in all the right places and it made him want to scream. Then your eyes met his, and the world stopped for a second. There were just him and you.

God, how he had missed you.

He send you small, forced smile as his heart thudded so loudly he was sure his friends around him could hear it as well.

You didn't return his smile.

Your gaze left his, continuing your way with the guy Chris couldn't recognize. His face dropped, a sigh escaping his lips. "She's not worth it." Sebastian tried to lift him up. Chris gave him a sad smile. "How long since you broke up? A month? And she already has a new guy?" Anthony added, a disgusted look on his face. "Talking her down isn't what he needs right now." Sebastian argued, rolling his eyes. "What else am I supposed to say? That it's completely fine that she comes here looking like this?" Anthony protested back. Chris clenched his jaw at the two of them. "I'm gonna get some air." He simply said, leaving his friends behind as he made his way to the terrace. For a split second, he let his eyes fall to you again. You were laughing, your eyes glowing from the light and it made his stomach clench.

As he got outside, he immediately took a deep breath, inhaling the cool air. It was already night, the dimly lit area instantly calming his nerves. Surprisingly, noone was there apart from him. He sunk down on one of the chairs, leaning back and closing his eyes. His mood was at the bottom again, all because of you.

"Is this seat taken?" An all to familiar voice made his eyes snap open. There you were, a small smile on your face as you pointed to the chair on the other side of the small, round table. He tried to gather his thoughts, you being close to him, talking to him again, made his head spin in excitement. "I-I, of course!" He stuttered. You sat down, inhaling the cool air just like he did a couple minutes ago.

"You look beautiful." The words left his mouth faster than he he could think, a dark blush immediately covering his face. You chuckled lightly and he felt his heart swell in his chest. He had missed this sound. "I wanted to apologize." You began, eyes on your lap. He furrowed his brows in confusion. "What do y-" "How I treated you. How I left you for the most stupid reason." You chewed nervously on your bottom lip, avoiding his gaze. "I didn't mean it to end like it did." Chris nodded as he let his eyes fall to his lap as well. He mentally thanked the owner of the restaurant for the lack of lights outside. Through that you could at least barely see the sadness on his face.

"Who's the guy?" You tensed at his question, your lip back between your teeth. "Someone. Doesn't matter." Chris' gaze fell back on her, hope in his eyes. "Do you regret it?" Your eyes met his again, your brows furrowed. "What do you mean?" "Breaking up with me." You jaw clenched as you looked away again, feeling vulnerable under his stare. "Chris, I-" "Do you still love me?" There was sadness and hope in his voice, making you gulp. "Chris, please. I'm-" "Just lie to me if you have to, i don't care." His pleading eyes never left you as you nervously pulled on the fabric of your dress. Your eyes closed as you breathed in before looking at him, a serious expression on youe face.

"I still love you."

Without another word, you stood up to go inside, leaving him by himself. He sighed heavily, running his hand over his face. He would never be able to get over you.

~

It was the middle of the night when the dorbell rang. You were already asleep, but the constant ringing noise woke you up. "What the fuck?" You mumbled to yourself, rubbing your eyes as you checked the time. It was almost 3am. Who in hell would come around at that time?

Since your friend wasn't there to get the door, you dragged yourself out of bed. The ringing didn't stop for a second and it started to get on your nerves. "It's okay, Jesus Christ, I'm coming!" You opened the door, ready to shout at whoever was there for ringing the dorbell like a maniac. But when your eyes met all to familiar, warm blue ones, you couldn't say anything. You haven't seen Chris since your encounter at the restaurant about 2 days ago.

Chris' expression was unsure, but soft at the same time. "Did you mean it?" He simply asked, his gaze never leaving yours. "I-What?" "That you still love me. Did you say it because it's the truth or because i asked you to?" He stepped closer, but you didn't dare to move. He towered over you, his intense gaze boring into you. "The truth." He continued. "... Please." You sighed, your head falling foward. "I meant it."

It only took a second before Chris lifted your face to his by your chin, his lips capturing yours in a soft kiss. Immediately, your arms flew to his neck while his carefully squeezed your waist. It was all too damn familiar. You both almost melted on the spot, the feeling of being so close to each other again relieving. His lips curled into a smile against yours, causing you to smile as well.

Chris pulled away to look at you, a grin on his face. He was finally happy again. "I'm sorry." You mumbled. He shook his head. "Don't be. We both made mistakes, it doesn't matter." You smiled slightly before nodding. "But that you got another guy was mean." He added, his expression turning serious. "Only to make you jealous." You shrugged. "We didn't even kiss or anything." He sighed in relief at your statement. His lips found yours again, deepening the kiss this time. He still smiled into the kiss, he couldn't help it. He was finally back at his happy place.

[pbandjesse]

I'm tired. It's been a long day. I need to go dry my hair and get ready for bed soon. But today was really nice.

I had some trouble sleeping last night but once I was asleep I was very much asleep. I only got woken up once because of sweet pea. That was fine. My alarm went off at 7:30 and he and James both were like no. We gave ourselves 10 more minutes and then got up. I want to go get dressed and James got ready in the other room. I started making breakfast to bring with me and all of a sudden James asks if I had called out. Because Amy had just texted him that I was not coming in. No idea where that came from. But it turned out it was the other Jess and she was just a little confused. But for a few minutes we were very very worried because it was our first shift together with him being in charge. And I was really excited for it. Even though I felt not a hundred percent.

James put my other earring in my cartilage piercing last night and the whole side of my head kind of ate. My teeth and my eye. And I was just very uncomfortable. I thought maybe it was just cuz I was irritating it but it just got worse throughout the day. So my energy level was a little Zapped from that. And we bike downtown and got there very early. I took James bike and went to wait by consolation while he went over to 7-Eleven. He left his bike lock with his parents so he had to keep his back inside all day. But that was fine. It was a really beautiful day out and I did not mind being outside at all.

We had our breakfast and clocked in. And it was a really nice day getting to work together. A few things were goofy like he didn't turn the alarm off the ship but then told me to go up on the ship. He had to Run after me to turn the alarm off. But it was fine. It was my first day working with out the canvas tarp on top of consolation so we had a lot of sweeping to do. Because all the birds were dropping seeds and poop and berries all over the deck. But we work together to get everything ready. I went to go make my charge for the day and got changed. James hang out with me down at the desk until our first customers came in. And he went outside.

I was inside all morning. I worked on my lesson plans. I have one more I have to finish for Tuesday night. But it's really just images so that should be no big deal tomorrow. We had a lot of really nice people come in today. We were all a little surprised because it was so gorgeous and it's technically a holiday weekend. But everyone who came in was great. We did have to deal with a bird trapped in the conference room. Which was a little odd. But I tried to learn it out by keeping the porch door open. Hopefully it's not trapped in there anymore.

Maya came as our lunch relief. And I always liked working with her because she always calls me a Disney princess. And she really liked my new green hair. She's fun to talk to. She went down to the desk and I went outside to watch James firing. It was a very good talk and I enjoyed collecting people to have them come watch him. Including some kids who were very enthusiastic.

James took a lunch break and went to do our time sheets for us. He did not eat which upset me. But he said he was fine. I took the later lunch after doing food in the Navy with Maya. And it was a good lunch. I brought leftovers. I spent a little bit more time down at the desk finishing up some stuff and reading. And then finally at 3 I went back on Deck to do gun drill.

I had the best gun drill. I only forgot a little bit at the end but nobody knows. But everyone seemed to really enjoy it I even got some questions. And then I did the second firing. That was more nerve-wracking. I only had a small crowd so that wasn't so bad. But the primer fell out again and then I had a misfire. My very first one. I pulled the lanyard and it went pop but nothing happened. So then I'm like shaking. Because I had already had two rear am at once. And now it's a dangerous situation. Because it could just go off. But I have to wait 30 seconds and then I can put a new primer inside of it. I was very concerned because the inside of the gun was very wet. And I told my audience that if it did not work this time that that was our last shot. But I put it in there and I pulled it and it went off. Thank God because I was shaking I was so nervous. That was my very first misfire and I really hope it doesn't happen again. Or at least doesn't happen very often. It was no fun.

We finished up today. Me and James took the flag down. We cleaned up and got ready to go. My ear was really bothering me and I desperately wanted to take my piercing out. But it's a little tiny screw and not a good way to get a grip on it. James tried but it just made my ear more swollen. I just wanted it out so bad so when we got home that was the first thing we did. But it was kind of a disaster.

We tried tweezers and pliers. We tried cutting it off. Nothing was working. And then James head crimped the actual piercing too far down and it was just a mess. Finally I was able to break the screw off the top of the piercing and it came right off. But my ear hurts so much at this point. I was just so glad to have it off but my ear was very tender. James put my old piercing back in after we realized that the new piercing was actually a bigger gauge. Which is probably why I was having so much pain. You can't stretch hard cartilage. That sucker is not going to get bigger or smaller. So I'm glad to have the other piercing back in and I think at some point in the future I'll go to an actual piercer and get a new piece of jewelry for it.

But we still had plans tonight. We were going to go on a date. So I took James to Hampden and we went to have pasta at the pasta bar. I like the pasta he got better than the pasta I got. So I have my pasta in the fridge to be dressed up at a later date. Probably with a red sauce and more mozzarella. But it was really nice just sitting and talking to him. He just means so much to me and everything just feels so nice with him. We walked over to 34th Street to see the Christmas lights. Which he loves so much. I thought it was nice. I prefer the Shady Brook Drive through one but it was still really cute seeing how excited he got. We even got to go in somebody's house that had turned their front room into an art gallery. And that was pretty neat. We had gotten ice cream before hand at the charmery. And I really like my ice cream. But I mostly just like being outside with him on such a beautiful beautiful night. It was starting to a cooler though and so we walked back towards the Avenue and called a car and came home.

We said goodbye once we got back here. He grabbed his backpack and went home. And I went and took a long bath and listen to a scary story. And now I'm going to go dry my hair and get ready to go to sleep. Dad's coming over in the morning to fix my windows. To try to make them more winterized. I'm glad I get to see him for a little bit though I hate that he has to drive such a long distance don't may see me for a few hours before I go to work. But it'll still be nice to see him.

I hope you have a really good night tonight. Sleep well. Stay warm.

[sungtaro]

I'm sooo excited, I can't even explain. I feel like enha comes back just when I start to really miss them. Although I was a bit anxious because I went on a mini vacation to another town just before they announced the comeback and I was fearing for my wallet around that time (I was hoping they'd announce it a bit later so I could scrounge up the money to preorder) but alas they announced it while I was broke so instead of feeling sorry for my pocket, I picked up a temporary job to do through my semester break - which I'm on rn - and preordered anyway. So far I don't have a preference for a concept, although I like the D version more than the J version but I'll take any concept at this point. I just want the photocard gods to give me ramyeonz again (but I would be happy with 1 jake pull also). I could trade my pulls to get what I want but tbh the fun of it for me is seeing what you get, so i usually just keep whatever I pull and hope for the best on the next album 😆

I've also seen the teasers but I've been avoiding hearing them in case they have spoilers. I like going into albums blind because I have so much suspense building up as we're leading up to the album release that when I finally watch that mv and hear that album, it blows me away even more. idk, it adds to the fun imo 😆😆😆

I hope it's not a permanent fatigue and that you heal quickly, or at least that ir gets easier to deal with 🧡🧡🧡

I'm okay!! Like I mentioned, I'm on semester break so I'm honestly just sleeping and doing as little as I can when my boss doesn't need me. I really want to go out this weekend tho.

I think for the first 2 weeks of my break I didn't even touch my computer, which is understandable because I study design so * most * of my time is spent in front of the computer with an adobe program open. today is really the only time I've had motivation and time to make gifs since my last sets (which was either enha performing polaroid love or jake's log, I can't remember lol, but it was a while ago.)

i must admit I did really develop jake brain rot today, I have even more gifs of him in my drafts that I'm probably going to post later hahaha but it's fun just making gifs of videos I want to make gifs of and not caring about notes or anything :')

also, I have to ask!! do you watch kdramas? if so, have you seen business proposal? I loved it sooo much and it's now my 2nd favourite kdrama - my first will always be crash landing on you - and it got me through a few of my projects towards the end of the semester. I was a bit late to it so all the hype was already over but I still think it was worth the watch 😆

and finally, I hope you don't mind the long ask 😶

— seungzie

@jseungz i don't mind the long ask at all, i love it in fact !! i'm so glad you were able to preorder and i am sending you luck for your pulls <3 and i totally get wanting to wait to see and hear everything without spoilers ! i personally am impatient so i tend to watch everything for my ult groups ajdgbjh but i respect y'all who are able to wait it out and get the full impact at release; it's true that spoilers can change the way you receive it at first, and in my case i usually like to listen to the full album in order before i even watch the mv with the title track but it doesn't always work out that way. i think even when i check out teasers or album previews i still find things that surprise me, but particularly for the enha comeback i prob won't actually check anything out until the actual drop either - we can be fully surprised together!

thank u, it should not be permanent but it may take quite a few months to get over - luckily, i'm on a semester break too, so i have plenty of time to rest! it makes sense that you'd want a bit of a break from screens, but whenever you feel inspired it's always nice to see your creations hehe. brain rot fuels some of our best work i think 😂

i don't watch any kdramas ! i tried to watch what was it ... 'let me be your knight' for my beloved donghyun but tbh i really don't watch a lot of tv in general like, barely any, and kdrama episodes tend to be quite long so i didn't end up sticking with it. i did watch the film 'love & leashes' with a friend though and thought it was really cute! i thought that was a drama when i was just seeing the previews around it, i didn't realize it was just a one-off. maybe i'll find one eventually that i can get into! i think i'm suited for shorter contents so web dramas are probably a better bet, i did watch 'to my star' as well and really enjoyed it but those episodes are super short haha

[clichesadmusic]

It Doesn’t Care

Summary:Jugheads life had been slowly falling apart for as long as he could remember, but it all really went downhill one July 4th.

Trigger Warning: Self Harm,  Physical Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Sexual Abuse,  Alcoholism,  Drugs,  Attempted Suicide.

Ship(s): Jarchie, maybe Beronica

Part 1|Part 2|Part 3|Part 4|Part 5|Part 6|Part 7|Part 8|Part 9|Part 10

Prologue 

~

Life​ ​doesn't​ ​care.

That​ ​was​ ​the​ ​first​ ​lesson​ ​he​ ​had​ ​learned​ ​in​ ​his​ ​life,​ ​he​ ​was​ ​nine​ ​and​ ​he​ ​broke​ ​a​ ​glass​ ​after trying​ ​to​ ​sneak​ ​some​ ​juice​ ​up​ ​to​ ​his​ ​mum​ ​because​ ​she​ ​was​ ​sick.​ ​Jughead​ ​didn't​ ​totally remember​ ​what​ ​had​ ​happened​ ​after​ ​that,​ ​just​ ​the​ ​red​ ​mark​ ​that​ ​marred​ ​his​ ​cheek​ ​for​ ​a​ ​few days​ ​after

The​ ​next​ ​lesson​ ​he​ ​learned​ ​was​ ​that​ ​as​ ​long​ ​as​ ​he​ ​kept​ ​his​ ​head​ ​down,​ ​no​ ​one​ ​noticed​ ​him.  

Jughead​ ​had​ ​always​ ​hidden​ away​ ​into​ ​the​ ​corner​ ​and​ ​only​ ​two​ ​people​ ​had​ ​ever​ ​gotten him​ ​to​ ​move​ ​away​ ​from​ ​it,​ ​Archie​ ​and​ ​Betty.​ ​They​ ​had ​known​ ​each​ ​other​ ​their​ ​entire​ ​lives​ ​and were​ ​the​ ​only​ ​people​ ​(besides​ ​Jellybean​ ​but​ ​she​ ​didn't​ ​count​ ​because​ ​she​ ​was​ ​his​ ​sister)​ ​he felt​ ​comfortable​ ​around.​ ​The​ ​ginger​ ​and​ ​the​ ​blonde​ ​had​ ​always​ ​seen​ ​that​ ​bruises​ ​that​ ​he​ ​was covered​ ​in​ ​but​ ​never​ ​asked​ ​and​ ​as​ ​they​ ​grew​ ​up​ ​he​ ​learned​ ​to​ ​hide​ ​them.​ ​When​ ​they​ ​got​ ​to middle​ ​school​ ​Jughead​ ​drifted​ ​from​ ​Betty​ ​(because​ ​she​ ​was​ ​a​ ​girl​ ​ew​ ​girls​ ​have​ ​cooties)​ ​but his​ ​friendship​ ​with​ ​Archie​ ​never​ ​wavered,​ ​just​ ​grew​ ​stronger.​ ​It​ ​was​ ​also​ ​at​ ​this​ ​time​ ​that Jughead​ ​started​ ​getting​ ​truly​ ​bullied,​ ​sure​ ​he​ ​had​ ​always​ ​been​ ​teased​ ​and​ ​there​ ​was​ ​always his​ ​father​ ​at​ ​home​ ​waiting​ ​with​ ​a​ ​fist​ ​but​ ​this​ ​was​ ​different.​ ​Soon​ ​the​ ​only​ ​people​ ​who​ ​talked​ ​to him​ ​because​ ​they​ ​wanted​ ​to​ ​were​ ​Archie​ ​and​ ​Betty,​ ​so​ ​Jughead​ ​stopped​ ​making​ ​himself noticeable,​ ​fading​ ​into​ ​the​ ​background.

When​ ​he​ ​was​ ​12​ ​he​ ​realised​ ​not​ ​everyone​ ​lived​ ​like​ ​him.

It​ ​happened​ ​when​ ​he​ ​was​ ​at​ ​Archie's​ ​house​ ​for​ ​a​ ​sleepover.​ ​As​ ​always​ ​they​ ​at​ ​2​ ​whole pizzas,​ ​and​ ​played​ ​video​ ​games​ ​until​ ​late​ ​in​ ​the​ ​night,​ ​and​ ​as​ ​always​ ​Mr​ ​Andrews​ ​came​ ​into

Archie's​ ​room​ ​to​ ​say​ ​good​ ​night.​ ​Mr​ ​Andrews​ ​ruffled​ ​the​ ​two​ ​boys​ ​hair​ ​and​ ​called​ ​'Sleep​ ​tight' before exiting​ ​the​ ​room.  

"Night​ ​Juggie,"​ ​Arch​ ​whispered​ ���before​ ​turning​ ​in​ ​his​ ​bed​ ​and​ ​falling​ ​asleep.

"Night​ ​Arch,"​ ​Jug​ ​responded​ ​turning​ ​over​ ​as​ ​well​ ​but​ ​found​ ​he​ ​couldn't​ ​sleep.​ ​His​ ​father​ ​had never​ ​come​ ​into​ ​his​ ​room​ ​to​ ​make​ ​sure​ ​he​ ​went​ ​to​ ​bed​ ​on​ ​time,​ ​or​ ​made​ ​sure​ ​he​ ​ate​ ​all​ ​his dinner,​ ​or​ ​took​ ​him​ ​out​ ​to​ ​play​ ​baseball​ ​(not​ ​that​ ​he​ ​would​ ​say​ ​yes​ ​if​ ​asked.​ ​Jughead​ ​Jones, playing​ ​sports​ ​on​ ​his​ ​own​ ​free​ ​will?​ ​Not​ ​a​ ​chance.).​ ​His​ ​parents​ ​were​ ​not​ ​like​ ​Betty's,​ ​always texting​ ​him,​ ​making​ ​sure​ ​he​ ​was​ ​okay,​ ​buying​ ​him​ ​every​ ​new​ ​toy​ ​he​ ​wanted,​ ​or​ ​taking​ ​him​ ​out of​ ​the​ ​state​ ​every​ ​break.​ ​Just​ ​another​ ​reason​ ​why​ ​he​ ​was​ ​different.

He​ ​turned​ ​13​ ​and​ ​everything​ ​really​ ​changed.

His​ ​dad​ ​was​ ​the​ ​same​ ​as​ ​usual​ ​so​ ​he​ ​was​ ​tiptoeing​ ​around​ ​as​ ​to​ ​make​ ​sure​ ​he​ ​didn't accidentally​ ​wake​ ​him​ ​up​ ​("Your​ ​father​ ​has​ ​had​ ​some​ ​of​ ​his​ ​angry​ ​juice​ ​today​ ​Jugs,"​ ​his mother​ ​had​ ​said​ ​when​ ​he​ ​was​ ​young.​ ​"Be​ ​sure​ ​not​ ​to​ ​wake​ ​him.").​ ​He​ ​had​ ​just​ ​gotten​ ​home and​ ​it​ ​was​ ​late,​ ​later​ ​than​ ​usual,​ ​he​ ​and​ ​Arch​ ​had​ ​been​ ​arguing​ ​("Have​ ​you​ ​ever​ ​wanted​ ​to kiss​ ​a​ ​girl​ ​Juggie,"​ ​Archie​ ​had​ ​asked​ ​looking​ ​nervous​ ​about​ ​his​ ​question.​ ​"No,​ ​gross," Jughead​ ​had​ ​said​ ​without​ ​looking​ ​up​ ​from​ ​his​ ​laptop,​ ​he​ ​was​ ​writing​ ​a​ ​story​ ​for​ ​their​ ​English class.​ ​"Are​ ​you​ ​sure,"​ ​Archie​ ​asked​ ​sounding​ ​more​ ​nervous​ ​with​ ​every​ ​word.​ ​'No​ ​but​ ​I've wanted​ ​to​ ​kiss​ ​you,'​ ​Jughead​ ​thought​ ​before​ ​responding.​ ​"Fine,​ ​I'll​ ​nod​ ​and​ ​say​ ​'Yes, of course, Archibald, ​you're​ ​always​ ​right'​ ​while​ ​really​ ​thinking​ ​about​ ​how​ ​much​ ​I​ ​have​ ​no​ ​idea​ ​what​ ​you're talking​ ​about."​ ​Archie​ ​chuckled,​ ​"Fine.").​ ​When​ ​he​ ​was​ ​outside​ ​he​ ​could​ ​see​ ​the​ ​lights upstairs ​were​ ​on​ ​but​ ​now​ ​that​ ​he​ ​was​ ​there​ ​he​ ​could​ ​see​ ​why ​his​ ​mum​ ​and​ ​Jellybean​ ​had packed​ ​their​ ​bags​ ​and​ ​were​ ​getting​ ​ready​ ​to​ ​leave.​ ​He​ ​quickly​ ​his​ ​around​ ​the​ ​corner​ ​not wanting​ ​them​ ​to​ ​see​ ​him.

"But​ ​what​ ​about​ ​Jugs​ ​Mama?"​ ​He​ ​heard​ ​Jellybean​ ​whisper.

"Jugs​ ​will​ ​figure​ ​it​ ​out​ ​Jelly,​ ​he​ ​always​ ​does.​ ​now​ ​come​ ​on,​ ​we​ ​have​ ​to​ ​go​ ​before​ ​your​ ​father wakes​ ​up,"​ ​his​ ​mum​ ​said​ ​before​ ​closing​ ​the​ ​front​ ​door​ ​with​ ​a​ ​soft​ ​click.

Jughead​ ​stood​ ​there,​ ​frozen​ ​for​ ​what​ ​seemed​ ​like​ ​forever​ ​before​ ​his​ ​body​ ​jolted​ ​into​ ​motion, peering​ ​through​ ​the​ ​window​ ​to​ ​see​ ​the​ ​car​ ​that​ ​was​ ​always​ ​there​ ​but​ ​it​ ​was​ ​gone​ ​and suddenly​ ​it​ ​was​ ​all​ ​real.​ ​He​ ​sprinted​ ​up​ ​to​ ​his​ ​room​ ​not​ ​caring​ ​how​ ​loud​ ​he​ ​was,​ ​he​ ​couldn't hear​ ​anything,​ ​he​ ​vaguely​ ​knew​ ​he​ ​was​ ​crying​ ​as​ ​he​ ​passed​ ​Jellybeans​ ​room​ ​and​ ​collapsed on​ ​his​ ​floor​ ​when​ ​he​ ​got​ ​to​ ​his​ ​room.​ ​The​ ​blues​ ​eyed​ ​boys​ ​ears​ ​pricked​ ​as​ ​his​ ​father​ ​came thundering​ ​up​ ​the​ ​stairs,​ ​yelling​ ​about​ ​how​ ​useless​ ​Jughead​ ​was​ ​since​ ​he​ ​couldn't​ ​even​ ​be quiet​ ​for​ ​2​ ​seconds.​ ​Jughead was​ ​aware​ ​that​ ​his​ ​father​ ​started​ ​hitting​ ​him​ ​but​ ​he​ ​couldn't​ ​feel anything​ ​and​ ​passed​ ​out​ ​wishing​ ​for​ ​his​ ​mama​ ​to​ ​come​ ​back​ ​to​ ​save​ ​him.  

He​ ​didn't​ ​see​ ​Archie​ ​until​ ​2​ ​days​ ​later​ ​when​ ​the​ ​weekend​ ​was​ ​over.​ ​As​ ​usual,  ​he​ ​pulled​ ​the​ ​grey beanie​ ​onto​ ​his​ ​head​ ​but​ ​today​ ​he​ ​wasn't​ ​gonna​ ​take​ ​it​ ​off,​ ​he​ ​was​ ​never​ ​gonna​ ​take​ ​it​ ​off again,​ ​it​ ​was​ ​the​ ​last​ ​part​ ​of​ ​his​ ​true​ ​family​ ​he​ ​had​ ​left.​ ​Who​ ​cared​ ​if​ ​he​ ​got​ ​sent​ ​to​ ​the principal's​ ​office,​ ​certainly​ ​not​ ​him.​ ​At​ ​least,​ ​not​ ​anymore.​ ​When he​ ​got​ ​to​ ​school​ ​he​ ​realised something,​ ​he​ ​was​ ​in​ ​love​ ​with​ ​Archie​ ​Andrews,​ ​and​ ​he​ ​would​ ​never​ ​love​ ​him​ ​back.

~*~

Jughead​ ​hid​ ​what​ ​happened​ ​to​ ​his​ ​mother​ ​and​ ​sister,​ ​as​ ​well​ ​as​ ​his​ ​gradually​ ​increasing anxiety​ ​attacks,​ ​from​ ​his​ ​best​ ​friend​ ​as​ ​long​ ​as​ ​he​ ​could​ ​but​ ​eventually,  ​he​ ​found​ ​he​ ​was never​ ​good​ ​at​ ​hiding​ ​things​ ​from​ ​the​ ​other​ ​boy.

"Juggie,​ ​why​ ​didn't​ ​you​ ​tell​ ​me​ ​?"​ ​The​ ​ginger​ ​questioned​ ​when​ ​he​ ​found​ ​out​ ​a​ ​couple​ ​months after​ ​the​ ​incident.

"Didn't​ ​think​ ​it​ ​was​ ​important,"​ ​the​ ​other​ ​replied​ ​with​ ​a​ ​shrug.

"You​ ​didn't-​ ​oh​ ​my​ ​god,"​ ​Archie​ ​turned​ ​away​ ​exasperated.​ ​"This​ ​is​ ​one​ ​of​ ​those​ ​super important​ ​things​ ​that​ ​you​ ​tell​ ​people​ ​Juggie."​ ​He​ ​turned​ ​back​ ​toward​ ​Jughead​ ​and​ ​put​ ​his hands​ ​on​ ​his​ ​shoulders.  

"I​ ​just​ ​didn't​ ​want​ ​to​ ​talk​ ​about​ ​it,"​ ​Jughead​ ​said​ ​and​ ​he​ ​could​ ​feel​ ​the​ ​oncoming​ ​panic attack.

“Hey​ ​I​ ​get​ ​it​ ​but​ ​you​ ​have​ ​to​ ​talk​ ​to​ ​people​ ​you​ ​can’t​ ​just​ ​keep​ ​everything​ ​bottled​ ​up​ ​inside,” Archie​ ​said​ ​calming​ ​seeing​ ​how​ ​his​ ​friend​ ​was​ ​having​ ​a​ ​hard​ ​time​ ​to​ ​breathe.​ ​“Jughead,​ ​hey, calm​ ​down​ ​it’s​ ​okay.”

Jugheads​ ​eyes​ ​flit​ ​frantically​ ​around​ ​the​ ​room,​ ​his​ ​breath​ ​coming​ ​in​ ​sharp​ ​pants.​ ​“Shit,”​ ​he softly​ ​swore​ ​as​ ​his​ ​knees​ ​gave​ ​out​ ​and​ ​was​ ​suddenly​ ​only​ ​being​ ​held​ ​up​ ​by​ ​Archie.  

Archie​ ​slowly​ ​lowered​ ​them​ ​both​ ​to​ ​the​ ​floor​ ​of​ ​his​ ​room​ ​and​ ​pulled​ ​Jughead​ ​into​ ​an​ ​embrace. “Hey,​ ​it’s​ ​gonna​ ​be​ ​okay,​ ​I’m​ ​here,​ ​nothing's​ ​gonna​ ​hurt​ ​you,”​ ​he​ ​continued​ ​softly​ ​whispering into​ ​Jugheads​ ​neck​ ​until​ ​he​ ​calmed​ ​down.

“Uh...thanks,”​ ​Jughead​ ​replied​ ​awkwardly​ ​not​ ​knowing​ ​what​ ​to​ ​do,​ ​wishing​ ​he​ ​could​ ​just​ ​kiss​ ​the life​ ​out​ ​of​ ​this​ ​perfect​ ​boy​ ​but​ ​refrained​ ​from​ ​doing​ ​so.​ ​“I’m​ ​gonna​ ​head​ ​home,​ ​I’ve​ ​got​ ​some chores​ ​to​ ​do​ ​and​ ​you​ ​know​ ​how​ ​dad​ ​gets,”​ ​he​ ​said​ ​trying​ ​to​ ​joke​ ​around.

“Yeah,​ ​I​ ​do,”​ ​Archie​ ​stared​ ​at​ ​his​ ​friend​ ​as​ ​he​ ​got​ ​up,​ ​wishing​ ​he​ ​would​ ​just​ ​let​ ​him​ ​help​ ​him. “Hey​ ​you​ ​know​ ​I’ll​ ​always​ ​be​ ​there​ ​for​ ​you​ ​right?”

“I’ve​ ​basically​ ​come​ ​to​ ​terms​ ​with​ ​the​ ​fact​ ​that​ ​I’ll​ ​be​ ​followed​ ​around​ ​by​ ​a​ ​ginger​ ​puppy​ ​for​ ​the rest​ ​of​ ​my​ ​life​ ​yeah,”​ ​Jughead​ ​joked​ ​as​ ​he​ ​walked​ ​out​ ​of​ ​the​ ​room.​ ​“Bye​ ​Arch!”

“Seeya​ ​Juggie!,”​ ​Archie​ ​called​ ​after​ ​him,​ ​knowing​ ​he​ ​would​ ​never​ ​be​ ​able​ ​to​ ​live​ ​without​ ​that infuriating​ ​brunette

Jughead​ ​was​ ​16​ ​when​ ​he​ ​realised​ ​even​ ​Archie​ ​Andrews​ ​lied​ ​to​ ​him.

The​ ​two​ ​boys​ ​had​ ​been​ ​planning​ ​to​ ​go​ ​on​ ​a​ ​road​ ​trip​ ​for​ ​months,​ ​they​ ​had​ ​planned​ ​every detail,​ ​Jughead​ ​had​ ​even​ ​convinced​ ​himself​ ​that​ ​he​ ​was​ ​gonna​ ​tell​ ​Archie​ ​about​ ​how​ ​he​ ​had left​ ​home​ ​and​ ​was​ ​living​ ​at​ ​the​ ​drive​ ​in.​ ​But​ ​the​ ​road​ ​trip​ ​never​ ​came.

They​ ​had​ ​decided​ ​that​ ​Archie​ ​would​ ​meet​ ​Jughead​ ​at​ ​Pop’s​ ​with​ ​his​ ​dad's​ ​truck​ ​at​ ​12 pm,​ ​they would​ ​have​ ​lunch​ ​then​ ​hit​ ​the​ ​road.​ ​Jughead​ ​woke​ ​up​ ​early​ ​in​ ​anticipation​ ​and​ ​got​ ​to​ ​Pop’s​ ​at

11,​ ​he​ ​decided​ ​to​ ​do​ ​some​ ​writing​ ​for​ ​his​ ​short​ ​stories​ ​and​ ​ordered​ ​a​ ​double​ ​chocolate milkshake​ ​with​ ​fries.  

At​ ​12​ ​Jughead​ ​was​ ​excited.

At​ ​12:30​ ​he​ ​started​ ​to​ ​get​ ​nervous.

At​ ​1​ ​he​ ​had​ ​called​ ​Archie​ ​3​ ​times.

At​ ​1:30​ ​he​ ​had​ ​already​ ​had​ ​a​ ​minor​ ​panic​ ​attack.

At​ ​2​ ​he​ ​had​ ​given​ ​up,​ ​Archie​ ​didn’t​ ​want​ ​him,​ ​this​ ​was​ ​him​ ​saying​ ​he​ ​didn’t​ ​want​ ​to​ ​be​ ​friends with​ ​him.

Still,  ​he​ ​waited,​ ​and​ ​at​ ​2:30​ ​he​ ​got​ ​a​ ​text​ ​from​ ​Archie.

From:​ ​Arch

To:​ ​Juggie

Hey​ ​sorry​ ​i​ ​cant​ ​go​ ​today​ ​dads​ ​got​ ​me​ ​working

His​ ​heart​ ​broke.​ ​Jug​ ​knew​ ​for​ ​a​ ​fact​ ​that​ ​his​ ​father​ ​would​ ​never​ ​have​ ​him​ ​working​ ​today because​ ​he​ ​had​ ​been​ ​helping​ ​them​ ​plan​ ​this​ ​for​ ​weeks.

Tears​ ​started​ ​falling​ ​from​ ​his​ ​eyes​ ​and​ ​he​ ​quickly​ ​got​ ​up​ ​and​ ​ran​ ​out​ ​of​ ​the​ ​diner.​ ​Thankfully he​ ​had​ ​already​ ​paid​ ​for​ ​his​ ​meal​ ​and​ ​even​ ​if​ ​he​ ​didn’t​ ​Pop​ ​wouldn’t​ ​mind.

When​ ​Jughead​ ​reached​ ​the​ ​drive​ ​in​ ​he​ ​could​ ​barely​ ​see,​ ​it​ ​was​ ​like​ ​when​ ​his​ ​mother​ ​left​ ​about 1000​ ​times​ ​worse.​ ​He​ ​collapsed​ ​into​ ​his​ ​bed,​ ​shudders​ ​to wrack​ ​his​ ​form.

He​ ​should​ ​have to know​ ​Archie​ ​would​ ​leave​ ​him,​ ​just​ ​like​ ​everyone​ ​else.

[littlemissmeggie]

Hey Megs. I hope you're good at the moment. I'll pray everything turns out alright for you. You deserve it

hi mouse! thank you for this very kind message. i don’t really know how i am at the moment, to be honest.

i’ve had a weird? stressful? nerve-wracking? week and a half. two and a half if you go back to the unexpected seizure i had mid-february.  

here’s the story of my last week and a half...

early last week, i got a notification that one of my two seizure medications was ready for pick-up at my pharmacy. the other, keppra, requires refill approval every month from my neurologist, something i didn’t know until a few months ago. i checked the CVS pharmacy app and it showed that medicine was still waiting for approval. i figured i would wait another day to pick them up together rather than making two separate stops. the next day, the app still showed that the refill was pending approval. i called the pharmacy and they said they were still waiting to hear from my doctor.

on thursday, i realised that i only had three more doses of medicine left. i stopped at the pharmacy to pick up the med that was ready and asked about the second. they said they would fax the request again.

i went back to CVS on friday to check again and told the pharmacist that i was going to run out before monday if it wasn’t approved before the end of the day. the very nice pharmacist gave me an emergency stash to get me through tuesday morning because they still hadn’t heard from my doctor. so i called my doctor’s office and a very unhelpful person told me that i had to check with my pharmacy. “we can’t approve the refill to you.” yeah no shit i just wanted to make sure they were going to approve it because it was the end of the week and obviously they wouldn’t approve it over the weekend.

on monday morning, i called my doctor’s office again. after explaining the situation to the receptionist, she looked and said they hadn’t received a request from my pharmacy but that she would have the physician’s assistant—“dr. cretella’s out of the office.”—call my pharmacy and get everything sorted. that seemed weird to me because my pharmacy is very good and since they fax the office once a month, i know they have the right fax number. also, they sent it twice!

on my lunch break, i called my pharmacy and they still hadn’t heard anything but the pharmacist told me she would call the doctor. and then on my way home from work, i stopped at the pharmacy out of sheer desperation. the young pharmacy tech told me they were still waiting for the approval. i must have looked like i was going to start crying right there—i know i felt like it—because he rushed to apologize. “I’m so sorry, miss. i’m so sorry. i know you’ve been calling about it and i’m so sorry. we’ve tried contacting them. i’m so sorry.”

not his fault, which is what i told him.

the next morning, tuesday, i took the last dose of the emergency supply the pharmacist had given me. my boyfriend and i went out to do some errands and i called my doctor’s office again once they were open. again, i explained everything to a different receptionist. she put me on hold and looked through the pending requests. when she came back, she said, “you haven’t seen dr. cretella in two years.”

i said that i hadn’t realised it had been that long. i still wasn’t really sure what that had to do with anything.

“well, the request was denied because she can’t keep prescribing it without seeing you.”

i said, “first of all, my pharmacy was never told it was denied. and second of all, i’ve never had this happen so i didn’t realise she would just stop prescribing a necessary medicine without notifying me first.”

“well, it’s been two years.” 

at this point, i wanted to smack this woman. “is there any way i could get, like, a week’s worth of medicine to hold me over until i’m able to see dr. cretella? because i took the last dose this morning and i really can’t go without it.”

“well, dr. cretella’s on extended leave so you wouldn’t be able to see her. we could send you to another neurologist who we’ve been sending patients to since she’s been on leave.” (why had nobody else at the office told me she was on extended leave?! the girl on monday told me she was “out of the office.”) “but they probably wouldn’t be able to see you today.”

i said, “that doesn’t help me very much since i need the medicine today. and since you’re almost an hour and a half from me, i wouldn’t be able to get there today anyway. could you send a referral to a neurology practice near me?” (i’ve been looking for new neurologists for a while anyway and i was going to ask for a referral soon.)

“oh, we don’t do referrals.”

“i’m sorry. you don’t do referrals? who is supposed to refer me to another doctor?” i asked.

“well, that would be your primary care physician. we don’t do referrals.”

“i don’t currently have a primary care physician,” i told her. “how am i supposed to get a referral?”

“i don’t know, ma’am.”

“i can’t be the only person in the world without a primary care doctor,” i said. “how do other people without primary care doctors get referrals to new neurology practices?”

“well, it’s very uncommon for people to not have primary care physicians. and it’s not common for people to want to switch to a new neurologist unless they’re moving,” she told me.

i said, “i find both of those things hard to believe. i know plenty of people who don’t have a PCP. and i can’t believe i’m the first person who wants to get out of your terrible practice.”

she obviously hadn’t expected me to say that because she was quiet for a moment.

“you can’t just send something to this practice saying you’re referring me for treatment for epilepsy and headache disorders?” i asked. 

“no. we don’t do referrals. i guess you could have them fax us requesting your files and we could send them your medical records.”

i wanted to scream and also reach through the phone and strangle this woman. 

“you’d be more willing to send seventeen years of medical records than just a single paper that says you’re referring me to them?” i asked in disbelief. “wouldn’t it be easier for you to just send a referral? it’s, like, two sentences.”

“i’m sorry but we don’t do referrals.”

fuming, i asked, “before i hang up, do you have any suggestions for how i might be able to get medicine? because it’s guaranteed i will have a seizure if i don’t take the next dose tonight.”

“well”—this woman used “well” an irritating number of times—“you could try going to an ER and they might prescribe it.”

i hung up and called the neurology practice i wanted to be referred to; i explained the situation and told the woman there—cynthia—that my current neuro “doesn’t do referrals.” cynthia seemed to find that as ridiculous as i did. i told her the other receptionist’s suggestion that they request my medical records from dr. cretella. 

“oh, hun, we can’t request your records before you’re a patient here. and they shouldn’t be offering to do that. we really just need something saying that they’re referring you and what they’re referring you for. it shouldn’t be that hard for them.”

i told her i agreed and thanked her.

there was no way i was calling that idiot back so i panic-texted my sister who is a nurse at the hospital that’s fifteen minutes from me and is where the new neurology practice is located. 

“if i came to the ER at charlotte do you think they would prescribe me one of my meds?”

she called me a few minutes later. no, they would probably just give me another day or two. and then she asked what was up. 

so i told her everything, crying in my car in the stop & shop parking lot while my boyfriend did the grocery shopping.

“i’m going to call my primary. she’s really nice and i know her from the hospital too. i’ll see if she can get you in today. i’ll text you in a few minutes.”

thank god my sister is a quick thinker.

she texted me a few minutes later and told me that dr. shariff could see me at 1:15. the doctor wanted me to have some bloodwork done first and had put in an order. my sister told me i could go to the walk-in that’s about ten minutes from me and have it done there. (i live in a small area where there is one major hospital, hartford hospital, and the smaller hospital where my sister works—charlotte hungerford—as well as all of the walk-in clinics and most of the doctors in the area are affiliated with it. note that my old neurologist isn’t affiliated with either; she’s affiliated with yale. fuck yale.) she said dr. shariff would take me on as a new patient and would send a referral to the charlotte neurology department.

i should mention that my sister is the most wonderful person and really is so smart and i am so fortunate to have her in my life.

i got the bloodwork done and went to the appointment with dr. shariff. she asked me about my neurological issues, saying we would start with those today and deal with everything else at another appointment. as i answered her questions and told her about my epilepsy and headaches and the “care” i got from my old neurologist, she was more and more appalled with every word. 

“so i know you’re here mainly because you need a refill of your medication and because you want a referral to chh neurology and your doctor’s office wouldn’t give a referral, which is just odd,” she said. “if you haven’t seen your neurologist in two years, who has been prescribing your meds?”

i shrugged. “she has.”

“o-kay. when was the last time you had bloodwork done?”

“before today, i think six years ago.”

she looked horrified. “that should be done at least once a year. how about the last CT scan?”

“same time. but that wasn’t her. that was at charlotte after i went to the ER in an ambulance after six seizures.”

her eyes widened. “o-kay. and the last MRI?”

“i don’t remember.”

“last EEG?”

‘honestly, i think probably in 2004 or so. it was a sleep-deprived EEG so back when i was still having sleep-state seizures. they were always sleep-state when i started having seizures but then they switched to wake-state when i was, like, 18 or 19.”

“but you said your last two seizures were sleep-state,” she said, looking at her notes. “did you tell your old neurologist that?”

“yeah, she didn’t seem too concerned.”

“okay. just to be clear, that’s very concerning.”

i nodded because, yeah, i know.

she asked more questions, took more notes, and looked more and more horrified with every answer.

“i’ll send the prescriptions to CVS for you so you’ll have your medications—”

“i only need the keppra. she- they refilled the lamictal.”

“—weird. i’ll refill the keppra then. and i’ll send a referral to charlotte so we can get you some new care. it sounds like your care has been negligent, and not on your part. i’m going to order an MRI too.”

so now i have a primary care doctor who seems really nice. i have an MRI scheduled for march 18th and an appointment with a new neurologist on march 31st. and i have my medicine.

last night, i felt a migraine coming on about halfway through the class i was teaching. i don’t know how i finished the class—i really don’t know how i didn’t pass out—but i was glad my dad and stepmom were in my class because they drove me home. i took today off work and i’m still lying in bed with a headache. this took me like six hours to write because i had to keep stopping to sleep for a bit. 

this MRI and appointment with the new doctor can’t come soon enough.

[roxxythebirbrps]

The Morning After

Sol: *Early in the morning, the maids come in to wake him, opening his curtains. they all stare at the young woman in his bed for a while, before he wakes* Alright.. I'm awake. Leave me. *He mutters, rubbing at his eyes with his free hand as light bursts into the room, his other hand still clinging to the female beside him*

Jessica: *not expecting such an early wake up call, not after a long night of clubbing so she buries her face into his chest hiding from the light really not wanting to get up yet*

Sol: *He sighs as they leave* .. I've got a terrible headache. *He mutters* I need more sleep. *He mumbles tiredly, pressing his face into the pillow*

Jessica: *major hangover, she pulls the covers over her head so she could block out more light and tries to go back to sleep*

Sol: Jessica.. We need to be up for breakfast. *He looks down to her, cheeks flushing lightly as he looks her over* The maids will probably bring some spare clothes for you..

Jessica: i don't think i'll be able to eat anything...ugh i hate this part of clubbing....massive hangovers.....just leave me here i don't exist *chuckles slightly*

Sol: *Smiles slightly* I'm sorry, I feel the same, but you have to make a good impression. Luckily, my mother is already fond of you, and my father is away on business, so you won't need to try too hard.

Jessica: oh yes that's right. *finally sits up the shirt disheveled and her hair was a bit tousled and she rubbed her eyes* now that you are no longer under the influence did you enjoy last night?

Sol: *He glances over her only briefly, he had enough sense not to be rude and stare after all. He smiles* It was better than I expected, certainly.

Jessica: *smiles at him* that's great, I was worried that in the morning you would be all grumpy and regret everything.

Sol: I'm not 'grumpy'. And alcohol always helps you relax in .. uncomfortable situations. *He runs his fingers through his hair briefly, glancing to the door when a few maids return with clothes for him and for her*

Jessica: hello *smiles at the maids glad to have some clean close to wear down stairs* oh where is my purse...tylenol tylenol....*crawls off the bed a bit groggy looking for her purse to get something for her headache*

Maid: Um, would you like a glass of water, miss?

Sol: *He stretches comfortably, covering his mouth when he yawns. He grimaces as he clutches at his head briefly. His gaze travels to her briefly as she crawls around, though only when she couldn't see him doing so.*

Jessica: make it two glasses....you want some tylenol Sol? *bends down picking up her purse holding her head a bit* ugh... *panty flash then she stands back up*

Sol: *He nods as he glances back over to her, only to hastily look away, cheeks burning. This woman was going to kill him!*

Maid: *Leaves and then returns with two glasses of water* Breakfast will be ready in fifteen minutes, please make yourselves presentable for then. Lady Valerie will be dining with you.

Sol: Yes, yes, I know. You can leave now. We may be late, though, so tell my mother we'll be down as soon as we can. *He looks back to Jessica as the maid curtseys and leaves* You may use the bathroom first.

Jessica: thanks *pours out the tylenol and hands him the pills and the glass before taking her own, she just takes the pills and water into the bathroom then goes back to grab her clothes*

Sol: *He takes the pills with his water, before he finishes the water* Oh, there is a spare toothbrush in one of the cupboards in there that you are free to use, as well as a flannel to wash your face if you feel the need. If you want a shower, you will have to wait until after breakfast now, I'm afraid, but you are free to use a guest bathroom afterwards.

Jessica: thank you *she goes back into the bathroom and closes the door behind her, she then proceeds to wash off all her makeup and and brushes her teeth at least her mouth won't taste like booze any more. she looks around a borrows one of his brushes and brushes out her hair taking all over hair out of the brush. she looks around for a little white powder, body powder works just fine she takes some and dabs it on her face lightly rubbing it in, evening her skin tone so she doesn't look like she has bright red cheeks* thank god he had that *she turns on the water and uses the bathroom, like hell she wants him listening in on that*

Sol: *He dresses into his new clothes while he waits for her to finish in his bathroom, going to a mirror as he fixes his hair. He looked presentable now, at least. He only needed to brush his teeth, and pee.*

Jessica: *she figures out how to get her clothes on and exists the bathroom* it's all yours *she moves out of the way sitting on the bed hoping she looks presentable despite the lack of makeup, not that she wears a lot but just enough to tie everything in*

Sol: *He smiles at her and heads into the bathroom to freshen up, doing all that he needed to before he heads out to her* Are you ready to go to breakfast?

Jessica: yes. *smiling so glad the tylenol was kicking in otherwise this would be a very long breakfast*

Sol: *He offers her his arm and then leads her to their dining room, a, like the others in his house, large room with a long table. Only three places at one end where set up, and his mother sat at the head of the table.* Good morning, mother.

Valerie: *She looks to them, eyes positively lighting up at the fact that he had spent the night with Jessica. She was already looking forward to grandchildren* Good morning Sol, Jessica.

Jessica: *lightly hugging his arm as they walk through the house to the dining room slight preparing herself for any sort of scrutiny she would get for spending the night unannounced. She was a bit relieved when she looked so happy to see her* Good Morning Ma'am *she smiles hoping there won't be much of an argument or a scolding*

Sol: *He walks over to pull out a seat for Jessica, ever the gentleman, waiting for her to sit before he moves around to sit across from her. He begins eating in silence. He didn't often talk to his mother during breakfast, and today would be no exception. He knew that she'd be more interested in Jessica's conversation, anyway*

Valerie: *She smiles happily as she watches them. Unfortunately, her son was as hard to read as ever, so she, as expected, turns her attention to Jessica* I trust your date was acceptable? I hope my son behaved himself this time.

Jessica: *she takes her seat and thanks him letting him walk around to his seat, she turns and smiles at Valerie when she begins speaking to her* Yes it was extremely enjoyable and he was quite behaved *not sure whether or not to mention that she took him to a nightclub*

Valerie: Oh good. *She glances briefly to Sol, before she smiles at Jessica again* According to a man I will not mention by name- *She hands Sol back the money he'd given to the chauffeur with an amused smile* You two came back very late, and not at all sober.

Sol: *He frowns briefly* This house has no good help.

Valerie: You forget who employs them, my dear boy~ *She speaks teasingly. Her son had inherited his father's personality, and been raised under his father's tutelage, and so was nothing like her. She was, of course, from an old and rich family, but one not so strict*

Jessica: *becomes a bit nervous* oh dear.. *how exactly does one tell their soon to be mother-in-law that they took their only son to a nightclub and got him drunk and dancing she fidgets with her hands on her lap* well yes we did come here quiet late and very much not sober.. *blushes lightly she was drowning and could do nothing*

Valerie: Well, obviously. *She rolls her eyes, before she leans forwards on her hands, speaking in a loud whisper* Do I have any grandchildren on the way~? *She knew it was unlikely; they were not married yet and her son was still .. new to it all, she knew. But she was allowed to hope.*

Jessica: *blushes deeply at the insinuation looking quite startled by the question, not sure she prepared herself for the right thing* i-is that r-really an appropriate question? I-I mean we aren't even m-married yet *so very flustered now*

Valerie: *Laughs* I'm sorry, I'm teasing. *She smiles happily, finishing her breakfast in silence*

Sol: *Remains silent until he finishes his own, before he clears his throat* Mother, on the weekend I'd like to take Jessica horse riding, so would you tell the stablehands to prepare for then?

Valerie: Oh? *She blinks, before she smiles happily* No. In fact, I have a better idea. You can take her to our country house. There are stables and horses there, but less staff, and more freedom. You two can -spend- the weekend there. Unless either of you have objections.

Sol: *He blinks. He wasn't sure that was a good idea. But he didn't want to refuse, it would be rude to do so in front of Jessica anyway* That will be fine for me.

Jessica: *trying to pull herself together clears her throat a little* yes that works perfectly well with my schedule *she picks up her glass and sips it then starts eating hoping if she was eating she wouldn't be asked such questions*

Sol: *He glances briefly to Jessica, before he works on silently continuing his breakfast, Valerie comfortably sipping at her juice*

Jessica: *will be glad to be at the country house where his mother can't ask her such questions like that at breakfast time when she isn't mentally prepared for it*

[existentialstatesofmind]

Opening Up

Clare: had suspected she should avoid reading adult manga so she was glad she asked and Kota confirmed her suspicions. It would save her a lot of embarrassment. “Not for me.” She agreed. “I don’t know what all they show in porn either. I have seen True Blood...they show butts and breasts. Alli and I get the giggles even though we fast forward.” She said honestly. Clare worried about getting caught watching the vampire show too but she never watched it at home. “I have a lot to learn about cooking. Sushi sounds harder to make...and I don’t like fish. I’ll make it, just don’t expect me to eat it.” Clare looked at him. “I know there’s not actually an auction. That was the only similar thing we do here that I could think of.” She rolled her eyes playfully. “You better not fall for that trick. If whatever girl you get paired up with wants a real kiss make it as gross as possible. The boys need to skirt around the rules too. Unless they get a pairing they like. Seriously though if she’s nice and you don’t want to hurt her feelings, I’m fine with a quick peck.” She reassured him again. Clare wasn’t going to get bent out of shape over a game unless it got taken too far. The image of K.C and Jenna flirting with each other right in front of her was burned into her memory forever. “I need to participate too to capture the true spirit of the Host club for the Daily.” Clare teased, grinning at Kota. “You enjoy me putting my foot in my mouth.” She mock gasped. “That’s okay if they aren’t going for realism. Besides there are some things you can’t do anything about. I mean have you seen Alli’s long thick eyelashes?” Clare laughed. She was a little jealous of them. “Yeah, good point. The kids who actually attend the school will have to do the ‘heavy lifting’. My dad explained the currency to me. A dollar equals over 111 Japanese yen. Thank god for computers to tell me what change to give.” She smiled at Kota when he said he’d follow her. “If I got pregnant, I guess we’d find a way to make it work with college. Emi will be in elementary school so only the baby would need daycare. I’d get to have a journalism career. Hopefully there won’t be a baby until we decide we want one though.” She nodded. “You have a lot of options and so do I. I know I want to go to Columbia but there’s exchange student programs there too.” Clare could go back to Japan or spend a year in another country. “Of course I expect us to visit each other if we go to different colleges. Jimmy Fallon? Really? He wants you to come on the show?” Clare asked a small note of skepticism in her voice. “I took Emi being part of the package into consideration before I said yes to dating you. The only hesitation I’ve ever had was my parents. Nothing on my end. You’re both worth it.” Clare chuckled about Canada paying the bill. “Our baby would have dual citizenship. That’s pretty cool.” She kissed Kota, only stopping to say. “Yes, if we can talk about it we might be ready for more. If we can’t, we’re definitely not ready yet.” Clare kissed him again. “Noo. No I’m going! Alli will have to settle for a t-shirt. I wouldn’t miss the mystery concert for the world. Too many what ifs for the rest of my life especially if I like them. I’d die. Also no else at Degrassi has ever had backstage passes to anything, probably.” Clare shook her head. “Obviously I think he’s charming so I can understand people, even famous ones, liking him and inviting him to things. What is bizarre to me is how does Kota meet them in the first place? You know yourself, it’s hard to get those kind of opportunities.” Melanie was a famous singer now. However, it took time for her to be recognized. Before she went on The Voice she was just a normal teenager like them. “How are you able to talk to them in the first place? Long enough for them to realize you’re a designer?” Celebrities usually had body guards to keep fans away. “Sure, I’m ready for lunch. Um how does this work? Does Melanie usually put on a disguise and go wherever she wants or are there certain restaurants you can ask for a private room at? Or do you order take out?” She asked curiously looking back forth between Kota and Melanie.

Kota: listened to Clare and chuckled a bit when she mentioned True Bloods. "I've seen American Pie with Dom and my mom. She sat us both down while our brothers were at a sleep over and pressed play. Honestly, I still don't know how I felt watching that with my mom and twin. The whole movie was about sex, when someone says 'One time at band camp...' or anything referring to a time at band camp and you know they've never been they're referring to American Pie. In the movie the Naked Mile you seen the girls fully naked. I've also seen Skins UK which shows a few guys naked and just breasts and both guys and girl's buts. They also showed them having sex, not full blown, but the movements and sounds." he shrugged. "I've also seen some porn, seems overrated to me." he looked over at her when she mentioned her distaste for fish. "Not all sushi has fish, some have imitation crab. And I'm taking someone who doesn't like fish to Japan." he laughed a bit. "That limits the food you can eat. Japanese eat a lot of fish, I'm guessing you won't eat seaweed either?" He asked curiously. "You'll probably learn how to cook fish if you go to someone's house. It's a staple in Japan along with stuff I won't eat. We'll also probably have weekends without Emi, she's already making plans." he added and listened as she mentioned the event he may be partaking in. "I wouldn't kiss them. Some girls see kissing on the same level as sex. I don't want to give anyone that idea, besides I see kissing other girls that aren't you as cheating. I wouldn't do it unless I absolutely had to such as a play." he stated and laced their fingers together. "If you really want to be part of it, I can see if you can be a waitress. I mean it's for Kendo so the guys know English." he shrugged and laugh a bit. "I think it's cute." he smiled and rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. "I have seen her long eyelashes. If your dad explained the currency to you, you're not allowed to try to do the math when we go clothes shopping. Also you may not want to go grocery shopping with us. They sell turtles dead wrapped up and ready to be eaten also alive and they sell mystery meat, if you ask what it is they just tell you the animal, they get it cut it up, and mix it together organs and all." he added. "I hope we don't have one until we agree either." he nodded. "That's true and we have summer off regardless. Japan is only 14 hours ahead of us and yea he's asked a few times." he smiled. He was happy that Clare took her into the package before they started dating although he wasn't aware of how long she'd be in his life. "I'm happy your only hesitation was your parents, but I mean if they forbid us to date we can hide it from them." he shrugged. "I agree about our future baby having duel citizenship, it is pretty cool." he said against her lips and looked at her when she stopped. "I agree." he whispered against her lips. A soft chuckle fell from his lips when Clare mentioned a T-shirt for Alli. "I don't really know if that's possible. Normally we go get a bite to eat after or go have fun. I mean we can try to sneak while she's getting her disguise on..." he shrugged. Kota looked at Mel when Clare mentioned the people Kota met and the opportunities he's had. "It's different for designers especially for famous ones like Kota. Murder Bunny is bigger in America than it is here. America is more about Fashion, TV, and finally music. I'm slowly getting into fashion, my perfume came out as did my lipstick line. Kota came up with Murder Bunny and when it released in America with it's own cell phone cases and shirts, it took off. I met him when I went to a fashion show I knew he was going to be at, other's met him at a different fashion show. Jimmy Fallon wears Murder Bunny, a lot of famous people like the line as well. The media in America is wondering if Kota being a sixteen year-old can keep up with the fashion demand in all three countries and he seems to be doing a great job. He's pretty high up there in the fashion world." she explained to Clare. "He gets to meet the actors, singers, and models I don't. In order for me to meet some of the people Kota has I have to be as big as Fallout Boy and Taylor Swift." Mel explained and looked at Kota. "Also Adam is mad at you for rejecting his call. Apparently Behati wants to talk to you about swim suits and Behati said 'tell Kota to teach me how to put on the clothes properly.' It would be nice if you explained." she said. "I'll answer both of your questions and Clare, there's a reason I didn't tell you this yet. I met most of the celebrities at the Victoria's Secret Fashion show when I got a call saying that the Murder Bunny lingerie line was working. It's exclusive to Victoria's Secret shops so I agreed. I got a call from Jimmy Fallon asking to do an interview, but I had school. After that I got a few more calls to do interviews, but school had to come first then the show. The girls didn't really put their bras on right, the people Victoria hired to dress the models told me to just stick my hand in their bras to help. I told Cara how to fix it, in turn she took her bra off in front of me, handed it to me, then told me to put it on her. It was extremely awkward to say the least. I told her to put it on herself, put her hand in her bra, and that's when she put my hand in her bra and said to fix them. That's what Behati wants me to teach her. I will not be touching her breasts." he explained. "What's the proper way to put on a bra?" Melanie asked him. "Put your arms in the straps, bend forwards allowing them to fall perfectly in the cups as you fasten the back, stand up straight and that's it. Don't push up the bottom or pull it down, it won't give much comfort, also a wire bra isn't healthy for your circulation and doesn't support tissue growth, wireless is better for your health." he informed Mel. "I normally clip my bra around my stomach, turn the front towards me and then put the straps on." she said looking at him. "Your bra is on wrong. If you fix it like I told you, it'll feel better." he said and motioned to a room she can change in if she wanted to. "Talking to them long enough is easy. After the online store opened in America I opened an actual store with my grandpa's help. He cut the ribbon since I couldn't be there due to school, then I got a call to do a fashion show. Celebrities attended such as Rihanna and she approached me after the show asking me to make her a custom outfit. We sat down for a few hours and designed it together, then she told her friends and word got out to them. I even designed a giant MB bow with Sia which she wore and sent me a thank you picture." he said reaching for the picture of her smiling as her hair hid her eyes as usual, her hand pointing to the giant bow head band. "She sent a thank you letter with it." he said handing it to Clare. The letter reading 'Thank you so much for bow, it was worth the cost and chatting with you. Best wishes and stay in touch xox Sia.' "I have a few things like that from various people." he added and knocked on the door to the room Melanie was in. "Clare's ready to eat." he said loudly. "In America, I put on a disguise. Normally a big billed hat, dark glasses, and just dress like myself. I still get recognized once in a while, but normally they only want a picture or an autograph. Mel is putting on her disguise now." he said honestly as the door opened and Mel walked out wearing a wig with long black hair, a plain blue skirt with a Nirvana band tee on and black Chuck Taylors with her normal ruffle socks. "Don't you need your disguise?" she asked. "No, I'm not that famous here. We hold hockey higher than fashion, music is above fashion here." he said honestly as he held Clare's hand and lead them out. When they got to the car Kota opened the passenger door to his car for Clare and the back door for Mel, then shut them and got in on his side and started to drive. "Where are we eating?" he asked looking at the girls. "Clare?" Mel asked and Kota looked at her. "The mall or ---" he trailed off.

[existentialstatesofmind]

Opening Up

Clare: often found new books online by browsing through suggestions of similar reads to past favorites. She was sure this wouldn’t be much different. “I like that feature already. The biggest problem I run into is looking for paranormal romance and getting horror. Yeah if the cover looks gory or violent, I won’t get it.” She grinned at him. “Thank you, if you really don’t mind helping me out. We probably will be using a wok. Unless they are worried about grease fires.” Clare became uneasy at the thought. “There are so many distractions in a classroom and I have slow reflexes.” She laughed nervously. “No problem. We’ll get along fine. I just have to warn Alli.” Her best friend was more outgoing than she was and could easily become defensive. Clare remembered how Alli had taken an immediate dislike to Jenna. Once she made up her mind about someone it was difficult to change it. “Good! I was starting to miss the days when I didn’t care about my appearance and would wear whatever I wanted even if it caused me to be made fun of.” She chuckled. “Yay!” She enthusiastically responded to going to a Cultural Festival. “What is Host Cafe?” Clare knew if it had anything to do with drinking the schools were going to say no. “Oh my god.” She squealed. “If we are doing this, we have to go all out! No point in doing something with so much potential half assed. You have to wear an apron with a big satin bow tying it in the back, gloves, high heels, maid headpiece and feather duster. Everything allowed. Thigh highs with the garter might be against the rules. Though I’d pay money to see you, Kota. Of course I’ll gladly wear a male waiter costume which is probably a vest over a button down shirt, black slacks, a bowtie, and men’s shoes. Can’t forget those. I’m going to have to buy a wig. What color should I go with? I want straight hair too that will make me look different. Maybe Alli and I can draw fake mustaches on each other! I think that would look better than one you glue on. I wonder if I can trick her into letting me give her a goatee?” She grinned mischievously. “I know. I just wasn’t sure how much you trusted him with. I’m glad he’s not like your brothers, you need someone to confide in besides me. So we let everyone think whatever they want? But I don’t have to lie?” Clare was glad she didn’t have to confirm any rumors that might make their way back home. She didn’t care about being thrown out of Jesus Club, however, Clare couldn’t let her parents find out she dared to sleep in the same bed as a boy (even if they weren’t doing anything other than sleeping). “Technically it’s an Irish Claddagh ring.” She doubted many girls would ask the meaning behind it. “I’m not ready emotionally, and I make no promises when I will be. Emi’s good birth control. I love her but I couldn’t take care of her full time like you do. My family’s a mess, I’d have zero support, and a baby is a lot more work. I don’t want us to resent each other because we had to miss out being a normal teenagers. I’m going away for college, I want to live in a dorm and be independent.” If she really got pregnant at 16, her parents and especially Darcy (who looked down on teen moms) would pressure her into giving the baby up for adoption but Clare saw no reason to bring that up. She nodded. “We’ll table it. I obviously am not comfortable with relying on a condom either, I’d have to come up with a way to get around needing parental permission. Or Mom’s head would explode.” Clare didn’t want Kota to change his mind later on and break up with her for a girl who was on birth control. There was nothing she could do about it though. “Seriously? That might be your best kept secret. I mean I have seen tabloid articles with headlines like Melanie Martinez goes on a weekend rendezvous with her younger man! But they never mentioned Toronto.” Clare didn’t feel stupid for not recognizing her own city or Kota if he’d ever been caught on camera too because no one else at school did either. Mostly Clare thought those articles were bogus. But sometimes they guessed Melanie was in some exotic location with an upcoming actor who had a baby face but was really 25. She listened to their crazy adventures, and more they could possibly have. She could never be apart of that. But that was okay. At least she was finally getting to go somewhere AND currently hanging out with Melanie Martinez! Clare smiled. “It won’t be a free for all but it will be parentless.” She walked out of the office and looked at Melanie before answering Kota. “How about starting with Yohio’s lab?”

Kota: looked at Clare when she mentioned paranormal romance and getting horror. "They classify paranormal as supernatural and I've read one supernatural romance that I liked. It didn't have horror, but it was also adult." he explained. "I'm not sure, to be honest I haven't heard of them using a wok, but if you go to someone's house to learn they may use a wok." he shrugged. He listened to her talk about warning Alli and nodded, then laughed when she mentioned her clothes. "A host club is basically a legal form of prostitution without the prostitution. We'd have to wear suits and look nice, the customer will get a list of names of who's on duty and pick which one they want to be with. We'd have to sit with the customer or customers while they eat, we'd be able to drink soda or something with them and we'd have to do what they say. If a girl tells me to flirt with her, I'd have to or we'd lose money. I'd have to kiss her hand regardless though, when the customers leave a kiss on the hand is a proper goodbye." he explained the best he could. Hearing Clare go on about the cafe causing him to shake his head. "You can't do any of that. Everything is supplied by the school. The outfits are decided by votes, the ones that get the most votes are what we will be wearing and they're handmade by our class. The wigs will be provided by the theater committee, the shoes will also be provided for us by the school. You and Alli cannot have facial hair of any sort, you'd have to look like a high school boy and there will already be someone to do your make up and mine. Who knows they may only straighten and style your hair, there are guys with long hair at school. To be honest, I do my hair differently in Japan, there are times when Natsumi stood on a chair and tied my bangs for me with a band on the top of my head. It looked like a small ponytail and it's not uncommon for guys to do that there like it is here." he assured. "No we don't have to lie. If they know you're a virgin who cares? If they think we're having sex, let them." he said honestly. He didn't correct anyone either, he just let them think what they wanted. "I feel the same, I'm not emotionally ready and I don't know when I will be either. I'm actually going to community college because most dormitories won't allow Emi to live with me in them and who's to say if and when my aunt will come back for her. When I graduate Degrassi, I'm getting an apartment to live in wherever I go to school and I'm going to bring Emi apartment shopping with me. If my aunt comes and gets her by then I'll stay in a dorm. I do know that newborns cry a lot and not all of them sleep through the night so continuing high school with a child is nearly impossible and it would be just as impossible to go to an actual college like we want, we'd have to go online and that would suck a lot. I don't plan on having sex until I'm able to take responsibility for whatever happens." he smiled at her and kissed her cheek. "We can worry about that later and I don't think you'll need to get your mom's permission for birth control. I'm not planning on being ready while I'm still in high school so there's no need to worry about that." he said honestly and listened to her. "No, we were in Cali when that happened so don't worry about recognizing the city. I'm able to take small trips between here and America when I want as long as my mom knows. Plus they didn't really get my face, I wore dark glasses and a hat so they couldn't get my face." he confirmed. As Clare spoke, he looked around his office to make sure he had everything and smiled. "Yohio's lab it is." he said before hearing his phone ring and answering it. "Great, I've been trying to call you." he chimed to the person on the other end. "I'm bringing my girlfriend when I bring the jacket to you so..." he trailed off and listened. "That'd be perfect. I'll make sure she's free and I'm willing to pay you back for this. Her name is Clare and please whatever you do don't embarrass her. If you do the IOU you have against me will be null and void." he stated in the phone and smiled. "Great and ok, I'll put paper in my fax machine so you can fax whatever you need to." he smiled. "Ok, I'll see you then and I promise not to tell her. Love ya too." he chuckled and hung up the phone. "Clare, keep your schedule clear for next Saturday. We apparently have plans and I'm not sure what's going to happen since I'm in debt to someone right now." he explained. "Ah, debt that you need to pay with your body." Mel laughed jokingly. "That's not funny, for all I know she could be planning something and though she won't make me her slave I'm still unable to find out what she has up her sleeve." he sighed and stood up. "To Yohio's office." he chimed and lead them down a corridor. "We can't go inside due to the fact he's working and if we scare him or the chemist it could cause problems." he informed and stopped to press a button on the elevator. "What is he making?" Mel asked. "Perfume." Kota answered. "We're selling it in the store downstairs and in Japan first. If the perfume sells well, we'll build him a lab in Japan." he added as they got on the elevator and he pressed the button for the third floor. "The girl you were on the phone with, do I know her?" Mel asked. "Not personally, but you know who she is." he said. "That could be anyone." Mel sighed. "I'll tell you who it is later." he said. "Maybe she just wants to hang out." Mel shrugged. "That's a possibility. I have only been able to hang out with her in America so maybe she wants me to give her a tour of Toronto." he sighed in relief as the elevator stopped and he lead them to a big window. "This is Yohio's lab." he said looking through it to see Yohio and waved at him, in turn Yohio waved back wearing a hooded lab coat, hospital mask, rubber gloves and protective glasses. "Where to next?" he asked.