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casual-violinist-fangirl · 8 months ago

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Saving Stardust - 5,174 Words

Set in a world where Omega has been rescued following her second capturing and no one dies! The Bad Batch takes on one final mission and are tasked with delivering the Erso family to safety. Omega, being the traumatised bean that she is, doesn't take too kindly to Imperial scientists being on the ship.

Or:

How Jyn Erso ended up with her Trooper Doll.

I love Rogue One and this was a lot of fun to write! In this, Jyn is about three years old and the Bad Batch are flying their new ship, the Firebird (named after one of my favourite pieces of music ever). I hope you enjoy!

. Link to my AO3 page and Tumblr Masterlist

Thank you for reading!

————

Initially, Hunter had refused to take the job, no matter how well it paid. Their days as delivery boys were over and they had no interest in ferrying anyone about, not even if it was to help them hide from the Empire. That had gotten Phee frustrated with him.

“You’re not too different from this family, Hunter,” she tried to reason as they walked to the Archium. Hunter shook his head, adjusting his jacket as he did.

“We don’t pull jobs like that anymore, Phee,” he replied. He tried to keep his voice even, but he knew he just sounded annoyed. “Especially not since our last run-in with the Empire. We stay where we’re safe.”

The pirate sighed, exasperated. She was definitely beginning to see what Tech had always meant about Hunter being stubborn.

“This couple have a daughter,” she pulled as a last result. Hunter stopped in his tacks at that.

Bingo.

Phee knew it was cruel pulling the ‘they have a child and they’re on the run from the Empire’ card on Hunter, especially seeing as he had shifted the universe to find Omega on Tantiss, but this family deserved to be safe and deserved to be together.

“Ughhhh,” Hunter groaned as he ran his hands over his face in defeat. Phee felt herself beginning to smile. “I’ll talk to the others,” he agreed. “But if any of them say no, we’re not doing it!”

He rounded the corner of the street and made his way back to the home he shared with his brothers and Omega, disappearing from sight.

Of course, Phee had neglected to mention that this family had history as Imperial scientists… not exactly the squad’s favourite type of people. Hopefully the team would be able to see past that, the pirate mused to herself as she reached for her comm and prepared to contact the family.

——

Two hours later, the squad were waiting for Phee to return from collecting the family. Wrecker impatiently tapped his foot and complained every five minutes that this was taking too long only for Crosshair to tell him to stow it each time.

Hunter could feel himself getting more twitchy as time passed. They had been waiting for nearly thirty minutes now, and Phee was usually more punctual than that. He did his best not to let his concern show though, as he was painfully aware of Omega stood next to him, not wanting to let him out of her sight.

This was her first mission since her return from Tantiss for the second time; Hunter had tried to persuade her to stay on Pabu with Lyana and Shep, but she had shot him down quickly.

“I’m not leaving you!” she had practically yelled at him, fear in her eyes and her voice. Crosshair had taken over then, reassuring her that she wasn’t going anywhere and that of course she could go with them. Hunter had only been trying to look out for her.

It was times like these that he caught himself trying to remember how he’d coped with Omega’s outbursts before Crosshair had gotten back.

Out of the shadows, the telltale figure of Phee emerged. She was wearing a cloak with a large hood, and was being followed by three figures. As they appeared and realised that they were safe now, they removed their hoods and relaxed a little; Hunter had been about to introduce himself when he felt Omega go rigid next to him. He glanced at her, trying to figure out what was wrong when he realised she was staring at the man… Galen Erso? Hunter followed his daughter’s gaze only to scowl at what he saw.

Phee hadn’t mentioned anything about the Erso family being Imperial scientists.

He had been about to turn and give the pirate a piece of his mind, but wasn’t able to take the opportunity as she had disappeared back into the shadows as quickly as she had arrived. Hunter growled and made a mental note to talk to her when they got back. How could she be so senseless?

“Thank you for rescuing our family,” the woman, Lyra, spoke first. She had kind eyes and a soft smile on her face as she spotted Omega clinging to Hunter. “I’m sure you understand more than most how important it is to keep your family safe.”

Crosshair, who had also clocked the uniform now, rolled his eyes and stalked back onto the ship He clearly wanted nothing to do with this mission then. Wrecker followed him, but took a seat in the cockpit to help get ready for takeoff. That left Hunter, Omega and the Erso family stood next to the Firebird. The little girl, Jyn was her name, skipped onto the ship, seemingly unaware of the situation unfolding around her.

Omega started trembling, something she hadn’t done out of the blue in a long time. Hunter gently slung his arm around her and held her tight. He pulled a face and sniffed dismissively in the direction of Galen before turning and heading towards the ramp of the ship. The couple followed him in silence, their confusion clear. Hunter, quite frankly couldn’t bring himself to care. They had a job to do and he would be glad when it was over and they could go back to their safe haven.

He sat in the pilot’s chair before glancing over at Omega; she was sat stock still in the co-pilot’s seat, re-living something that he didn’t know about. Hunter sighed quietly before turning his attention back to the controls.

He was definitely going to have words with Phee when this was over.

——

The sleep cycle came around, but Omega protested against sleep. “What if you need me?” she asked, her eyes full of worry. Hunter sighed, not for the first time that day, but this time it was full of affection for the girl he’d come to call his daughter. She had been sat in silence up until this point in their trip, just staring blankly out of the port window or eyeing up Galen Erso warily.

“We’ll be fine, ad’ika,” he soothed as he opened her arms. She went to him and wrapped her arms around his middle. She squeezed him tight before retreating to her room - unlike the Marauder, the Firebird had two bunk rooms, each with four beds. He and the boys shared one, and Omega by default had her own room. This was a little different today as she was sharing with the Erso child and her mother. The three year old had found Omega’s string of lights fascinating and had giggled as they twinkled. She had also taken up an obsession with Omega’s new trooper doll; the young clone hadn’t gotten around to decorating this one.

Hunter was a hypocrite; he had already decided that until the Erso family were dropped off at their destination, he wasn’t going to sleep. They were Imperials, even if they were ex-Imperials, and the panic on Omega’s face as she saw the scientists’ uniform had been the final nail in the coffin. Hunter needed to be on lookout so that his kid felt like she could have a full night’s sleep without having to watch her back. The look of fear had gone unnoticed by Jyn, who had tried to surgically attach herself to Omega, had not been missed by Galen and his wife.

Once Hunter heard the door to his little girl’s room close, he sighed quietly and turned to the nav-computer.

Slowly, everyone began to settle down for the night. Wrecker had been the one to crash first, mumbling a “g’night” to Hunter and Crosshair and nodding at Galen and Lyra. Lyra had been second, saying that she didn’t want to disturb the girls any later than she had to. She had thanked Hunter and Crosshair one final time and bid her husband goodnight before creeping into the room currently being shared by Omega and Jyn.

Hunter had listened intently as the door opened, but noticed no change in the steady heartbeats and heavy breathing coming from the two children within. Good, he thought as he carried on his work.

Crosshair had retired an hour or so later; he had spent a minute having a silent conversation with Hunter.

Want me to stay?

No, sleep.

You sure?

Go, Crosshair.

The sniper had grumbled about getting a stiff back as he stood from his chair and moved towards the bunk room. As the door opened he glanced at Hunter one last time. His look said it all.

If he gives you shit, you come and get me.

That left Hunter and the scientist. Galen Erso. Hunter knew enough to know that the man wasn’t in cahoots with Hemlock, and he hadn’t had his hands on Project Necromancer… but that still didn’t being him comfort.

It had been six months since Omega’s second rescue and it was safe to say that she had been nothing short of traumatised. It had taken weeks of sleepless and tearful nights, screaming episodes and panic attacks before she began to show her true colours again. He was worried that something as small as Galen’s uniform would send her all the way back to square one, and he wasn’t sure if he was prepared to deal with that.

“I noticed your little girl has an aversion to scientists.” It was as though Erso could read his mind. Hunter scowled, trying to look busy for a minute or two before realising that it was going to be no good. He swivelled in his chair to face the other man; for some reason Hunter had been expecting to see some kind go smugness in his eyes, but he saw nothing but curiosity and… sadness?

“You've had dealings with the Empire before?”

Hunter snorted before he could help himself. Had they had dealings with the Empire? Of course they had. They were clones for crying out loud. They had been there when the Empire was born. Instead of saying anything, he simply nodded. He wasn’t sure how much he could trust this man, regardless of his departure from the Empire. The squad had learned the hard way that sometimes giving up information was a dangerous game. Information was priceless, and deadly if left in the wrong hands.

“I don’t expect you to trust me, sergeant,” Erso continued speaking when he realised that Hunter wasn’t going to say anything. “However I can try to express just how far removed I am from the Empire. I have no desire to go back to them, not after the chaos and destruction they have caused.”

There was a pause as Hunter eyed the man, leaning back in his chair as he tried not to see the similarities between them. In reality, Galen was a man trying to protect his family as they went on the run from the Empire. He was trying to forge a life for Jyn and Lyra that didn’t involve looking over their shoulders… Hunter could see a little bit of himself in the man, especially in the way he doted on his child.

“Omega has been experimented on since she was a toddler,” he conceded, his throat tightening at the thought. “She… she was kidnapped by Hemlock about a year ago and held captive whilst…” He couldn’t carry on. The thought of Omega being trapped on Tantiss made him want to be sick. Galen nodded, a look of horrified recognition in his eyes at the mention of Royce Hemlock. It occurred to Hunter then that Erso must have had some contact with Hemlock, even if it was only in passing… even if it was only at conferences when all of the scientists updated the Empire on their progress.

“I’m sorry,” he replied eventually and even though Hunter would have scoffed at that normally, he could feel the weight behind those words. He nodded at the scientist once more; Galen Erso couldn’t undo the past, but him leaving the Empire was a step in the right direction. A movement that would damage the vile dictatorship that sought to destroy all that was sacred.

“We’re recovering…” he trailed off with a small huff. “She’s recovering, but it’s been a long journey.”

And it wasn’t over yet, it the Bad Batch knew this to be true. Whilst Omega didn’t wake up screaming as often, didn’t shy away from going outside, she wasn’t the cheerful little girl she had been before. She was more withdrawn and still favoured being glued to Hunter’s side on missions. He had heard her pacing her room at night more times than he could count, but didn’t intervene; if she needed him, she would go to him. He knew that.

As if their conversation had triggered it all, he suddenly heard a change in Omega’s heartbeat. Her breathing picked up, only loud enough for him to hear with his capabilities, but before he could stand and move towards her room, she let out a sharp cry.

Galen’s head snapped towards the door of the room, his guard immediately raised but Hunter waved him down. “It’s Omega,” he whispered before a light patter of feet could be heard and the door to her room hissed open.

Omega appeared in between the two rooms, her breathing still rapid as she trembled; Hunter put her out of her misery by leaving his chair and crossing the room to greet her. He crouched down so that he was in her line of sight.

“B-buir,” she started, shaking as she reached for him. He grasped her hands, running his thumbs over her knuckles in a gentle, soothing motion.

“I’m here, ‘Mega,” he soothed, plastering a small (albeit fake) smile on his face. The little girl’s breaths came out in short, sharp huffs as she tried to gain control of herself. “Just breathe with me, ad’ika,” Hunter placed one of her small hands over his chest so that she could feel the rise and fall as he modelled the way she should try to breathe.

“I-I was…” Omega glanced at Galen, tears streaming down her cheeks. Her breathing was beginning to even out again, but she was clearly distraught. More distraught than Hunter had seen her in a while. Hunter hushed her, instead encouraging her to just focus on him. On her breathing. On staying calm.

When eventually her breathing had slowed to a sensible rate, Hunter opened his arms. Omega collapsed into them, trembling and sniffling. The sergeant carted his hand through her hair; it was brushing her shoulders now and hung loose on this particular evening. They said nothing as he scooped her up and carried her to one of the chairs in the cockpit, ignoring Galen (who had the presence of mind to take interest in his holo pad).

Omega was wearing her pyjamas, a short sleeved top and shorts that came to just above her knee. Hunter remembered when he’d found her on Tantiss, how her arms had been mottled with bruises and marks from when needles had pierced her skin. Now her arms were clear of bruises (save ones she’d obtained from being clumsy) but the scars she bore from her time as an experiment remained. She had been hooked up to more machines, tested on over and over again more times that she could count and the abuse showed on her skin. She still bore a scar hidden under her hair from an attempt at implanting a chip to monitor her brain activity. Hunter had seen red when he’d first discovered it there.

Hunter rocked the child as he cradled her, swivelling the chair back and forth in slow, calculated movements. He remembered a time when he had done this for nights at a time, switching between rocking her and swivelling the chair to try and lull her into a slumber. When she had been much younger, he had paced back and forth with her in his arms on board the Marauder. He had been exhausted, falling asleep in the middle of the day a lot of the time, but he had never said no to her when she sought his comfort.

——

(Six Months Ago, Just After Omega’s Rescue)

It was relatively quiet on the Firebird, Hunter mused to himself… except for the crying child in his arms; he knew Crosshair and Wrecker had opted to go to the bunk room this time. They had all learned quite quickly that Omega didn’t enjoy an audience when she was struggling.

This was the third night in a row that the girl in question had dissolved into tears at the mention of going to bed. They had tried everything, including setting up Hunter’s pillow and blanket in the bunk room with her. It hadn’t worked.

Hunter knew that if Tech was there, or Echo to be fair, they would recommend sedating Omega. A light dose that would ease her into a dreamless sleep and allow Hunter to get some rest as well.

The sergeant was determined not to resort to that - Omega had spent enough time being prodded and poked by needles. The damage done whilst she was on Tantiss was there for all to see. Her arms were wrapped in gauze and plastered with bacta. She whimpered in his embrace, clinging to his shirt like it was a lifeline.

“I’m not going anywhere, ad’ika,” he soothed in a hushed tone, noting how the little girl nodded but still clung to him.

“You’re safe now,” he continued. “He can’t hurt you anymore.”

Omega didn’t respond verbally, she simply stared absently into the void, blinking slowly. She must have been exhausted but Hunter knew that she was plagued with horrible sights every time she closed her eyes. He didn’t think she’d actually slept since leaving Tantiss, which had been three days ago… she needed to rest.

“I can hear you thinking,” she croaked. Her voice sounded void of emotion, not like her at all. Hunter swore that if Hemlock hadn’t been killed by Crosshair, he would have taken joy in doing ti himself. The psychotic doctor had broken his kid. His little girl, who used to have the galaxy in her eyes.

“Sorry,” he looked down at the child in his arms. “I’ll try to think more quietly.” This got a small snort out of Omega, and Hunter’s heart skipped a beat. For a split second it was like she was back with him before she drifted away again, distant and remorseful.

“You’re forgiven,” she replied, a ghost of a smile on her face as she glanced up at her Buir. “I know you think I need sleep,” she carried on, snuggling further into Hunter’s embrace.

The sergeant hummed in response, not committing to a verbal answer. There was a slight pause, neither of them breaking the restful silence.

“I just don’t want to wake up and all of this be gone. That happened enough times when I was… there.”

Hunter nodded, still looking down at the little girl. There were dark circles under her eyes and she was pale; telltale signs that she was running on empty.

“I know you’re worried, ad’ika,” he replied. “Want to run through it again?” A small nod and he smiled genuinely this time.

“What can you see, kid?”

“The stars.”

“What can you hear?”

“Wrecker. He’s snoring.”

Hunter snorted at that. “What can you feel?”

This exercise went on for a while; it was one they had rehearsed and whilst it had never been successful in easing Omega to sleep, it had definitely soothed her and reassured her that this was reality to start with.

This time, however, Hunter could feel her head slowly growing heavier on his chest. He could hear her heartbeat slowing down and her breathing beginning to even out. Had the exhaustion finally caught up with her? He wouldn’t be surprised.

“Don’t leave me,” came a tired whisper, Omega taking one final, feeble grasp at his shirt. He nodded, gently kissing her forehead.

“Never, ad’ika. I promise I’ll be here when you wake up.”

The little girl nodded the tiniest amount before she was no longer awake, falling into a deep (hopefully dreamless) sleep. Hunter could have cried in that moment; he had hoped that him refusing to sedate Omega would have paid off in the end, and here she was. Sleeping… it may not have been a completely sound sleep, and she might wake up screaming for him in an hour but for now she was safe. She was resting, asleep in his arms.

As slowly as he could, Hunter reclined his seat slightly and rested his head against the headrest. Knowing that she was resting meant that he felt as though he could do the same and before long, he too was was in a deep sleep.

When Wrecker and Crosshair found them later, they had slowly retreated back into the bunk room. They had, of course, taken a photo of them before they went.

——

(Present Day)

Luckily, it hadn’t taken long for Omega to be soothed into a light sleep this time; Hunter had whispered a quiet “I love you,” to her as she’d dozed off again, tear tracks clear on her face and her breathing still a little stuttered from her crying. Resting his chin on top of her head, the sergeant glanced over at Galen. The scientist had a hard-set frown on his features as he watched the pair, his eyes glancing over the scars that littered Omega’s arms.

“The Empire did this?” he asked, his voice full of trepidation.

Hunter simply nodded, not needing to verbalise his response. He could see Erso mulling over this fact, clearly thinking of his own daughter.

Out of habit, Hunter tuned into the sounds coming from the bunk rooms - Crosshair and Wrecker both slept soundly, and he could hear two gentle heartbeats coming from Omega’s room. Everyone was safe. He whispered as much to Galen, who nodded in thanks.

“She’s been so brave,” Hunter said quietly, looking down at the child in his arms. “I don’t know half of what they did to her, she doesn’t like to talk about it, but I won’t let anyone lay a finger on her again.”

Another nod from Galen, whose eyes were still fixed on Omega’s scars. Had she been awake, she would have glared at him and grabbed her jacket. She would be marked by the Empire for the rest of her life, and Hunter had to live with knowing that he hadn’t been able to help his little girl.

“Please,” he started after a long silence. “If you’re found…” he trailed off, not wanting to think about Jyn being snatched by Imperials. “Don’t tell them about us.”

It came out as more of a desperate plea than a stern request from a soldier. He didn’t think Omega would cope if the Empire caught wind of her again. He certainly wouldn’t cope if he had to search half of the galaxy for her. She was his kid and in the time they’d been separated, he’d felt as though he couldn’t breathe properly. He looked up at Galen Erso, his eyes tired and desperate. The scientist regarded the clone before nodding.

“You have my word, they’ll never know of your involvement in this,” he stated. Hunter believed him.

Galen had stood and bid Hunter goodnight not long after that, suggesting that the sergeant should get sleep as well.

“I know what it is to love your child so much it hurts, Hunter,” Erso had said. “But you need to be functioning to be able to look after her.” With that final statement, he headed into the bunk room that held Crosshair and Wrecker. Hunter was left alone with Omega, still swinging his chair gently. He supposed resting his eyes for a little while wouldn’t hurt. Resting his head against the back of the chair, Hunter closed his eyes and allowed himself to join his daughter in sleep.

The following morning they were halfway through their time in hyperspace… and Jyn was bored. The little girl had never been on a long-haul flight before and it was safe to say that the novelty of it all had well and truly worn off. Galen and Lyra had tried their best, and in fairness they had come prepared for a long trip with a small child. Jyn had played with some small figures in her backpack, drawn multiple pictures of the Bad Batch and her family, and had tried playing a game with her father. She was now out of new things to do, and was making it the problem of everyone on board.

Crosshair had scarpered first, claiming that his rifle needed cleaning; this had made Hunter laugh. He had forgotten that even though his brother adored Omega, he was uncomfortable with smaller children. Especially excitable ones. Jyn had steered clear of Wrecker, slightly intimidated by the clone’s height. Hunter had expected Wrecker to be more upset by that then he was, but he had busied himself elsewhere in the hold of the ship. Hunter was sat in the pilot’s seat, his feet propped up on the dashboard when he felt a small tug at his arm.

“Are you Omega’s daddy?” A small, curious voice asked and Hunter turned to the tiny child with a small smile on his face. “I saw you cuddling her this morning. She looked happy.”

Slightly unsure of what to do, Hunter tried to recall what he had done when interacting with Cut and Suu’s children when they had been little. He clambered out of his chair and crouched down to make himself as close to Jyn’s height as possible.

“I guess I am, yeah,” he replied with a nervous chuckle. Usually people just assumed that he was Omega’s father. He wasn’t used to inquisitive children asking him that question. Hunter glanced up at his kid; Omega was tapping at a data pad, pretending that she wasn’t listening to the conversation. It made him smirk; the kid thought she was so sneaky.

Jyn nodded, taking this information on board. Hunter could practically feel her gearing up to ask more questions.

“Omega’s daddy?” she started. “Is it okay if I play with Omega?” The question stumped him a little. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Omega glancing up from the data pad.

“Well that’s not up to me, kid,” he started, his eyes flickering over to his daughter. She looked a little uncomfortable, but plastered a convincing smile on her face as Jyn approached her.

“Omega, can we play?” There must have been something about her pleading tone or the look on her face, because Omega crumbled and nodded. She allowed herself to be pulled by the hand to her room.

In the back of his mind, Hunter held a small, nagging worry but he squashed it. They were on a ship in hyperspace for kriff’s sake! There was no way that anyone could get to Omega here. He really needed to relax.

Trying not to think about it too much, he busied himself checking the nav computer and the ship’s vitals…

… he stopped dead in his tracks when he heard something he hadn’t heard in a long, long time.

Omega had laughed.

Not just a snort of laughter or a small chuckle, she had full on laughed. Laughed like she was the carefree child she should be. Hunter’s head shot up at the noise, and tears sprung to his eyes unbidden as he heard it again.

Galen and Lyra had been sat talking quietly to one another but stopped their conversation to glance at the sergeant.

“Are you okay?” Lyra asked, a small look of concern on her features. Galen, however, only had a look of understanding on his face.

“I’m okay,” Hunter managed after a few seconds. “I just… I just haven’t heard her laughing like that in a long time.” He smiled, making it clear that he actually was okay. The couple nodded, Galen sharing Hunter’s knowing smile before going back to the conversation they had been having previously. Hunter allowed himself to tune into Jyn and Omega’s game, smiling every time he heard his little girl laughing and playing along with whatever stories Jyn was making up as she went along.

————

One day later, when the Firebird finally reached it’s destination, everyone had disembarked. Wrecker had been first, stretching and declaring loudly that he was happy to be back on solid ground; it was no secret that out of all of Hunter’s brothers, Wrecker was the one who liked flying the least. Jyn had been quick to follow him, her fear of the gentle giant no longer present.

Hunter stood on the ramp of the ship, watching as Lyra and Galen spoke to a local tradesperson… something to do with transport to a nearby farm. Wrecker was playing with Jyn and Crosshair was sat watching, teasing Wrecker as Jyn managed to evade his capture.

Light footsteps approached behind him and he turned to face Omega. She looked more relaxed than he’d seen in a while and it warmed him to see her smile at him. She came and stood next to him before fidgeting and wriggling so that his arm was wrapped around her.

“You good, kid?” he asked softly and she nodded. Her hair was loose again and it bobbed as she nodded.

“Just… taking it all in,” she breathed. “I’m looking forward to going home.”

Home. For a long time, Hunter was convinced that his family would never had a home, but Pabu had proven to be the sanctuary that they needed.

“I’ve got a present for Jyn,” she carried on a moment later, fiddling with a small bundle in her arms. Hunter recognised one of Omega’s card games and something else.

“You’re giving away Trooper?” he asked, surprised. Admittedly, this trooper wasn’t the same as her previous one, and it still hadn’t been painted in Bad Batch colours. Omega nodded again, shrugging her shoulders lightly.

“I have Lula,” she started. “And besides, sometimes it’s the small things that comfort you when you’re living the life that she’s gonna be living.”

Hunter had to blink away proud tears. Omega knew what sort of life the Erso family were in for and in typical Omega fashion, she wanted to help where she could. The child padded down the ramp and headed over to Jyn. She crouched down to the girl’s level and spoke to her softly; once she had presented the presents, Jyn had squealed and thrown her arms around Omega. She wobbled under the attack but recovered quickly and held her back. Galen and Lyra glanced over at the scene, warm smiles on their faces before they called Jyn to them.

It was time to go.

The squad had stayed, waving the family off as they travelled into the distance towards their new life. Then, one by one they had made their way back onto the Firebird.

It was time to go home.

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mother-of-a-murder · 5 years ago

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Long-Stories-Briefly-Summarized Life Update

(And why I’ve been socially radio silent for a bit)

• These last several weeks have fucking sucked, to put it mildly.

• Work has been fucking stressful. Despite dealing with a volitale server whom I had proven to be a thief to HR & management, she still has her job—a money-handling job—and is still insufferable as hell to work with. Like, no joke; I sometimes take an extra 50mg dosage of my Zoloft (I already take a 150mg nightly) when I know she’ll be working a shift tomorrow...

• On the same topic of work; although I was up for Employee of the Year, another coworker whom has been one of the tardiest whiniest cunts for 5 years won it... Despite my being here for 11 goddamn years and only having been late 3 times in my work-life here. Yes, I’m salty as fuck.

• Management, in general, has been a neglectful shit show. And where the lazy servers lack in their cleaning duties, the actual hard working folks like us are expected to pull their weight, whilst management pussyfoots around the lazy fuckers.

• Guess how my December started? Having to deal with a super suspicious guest, traveling with a woman whom he may or may not have shot, and acting super creepy to staff. He kept approaching me (WAY TOO CLOSE in my personal space) while tucking around his belt line, and then proceeds to ask me about local gun ranges... at 6:15am while it’s still dark... This man doesn’t look like a hunter in any shape or form. So guess who went home shortly after having a sobbing PTSD breakdown at work? :) [insert awkward laugh here...]

• Eric & I have been struggling to take care of our senior dog, Alice (our 11yr. old German Shep/black lab mix). We’ve had her since the beginning of our marriage, practically. She had a nasty infected cyst on her back for over a month and a half, and between our financial struggles with his jobs, we only now had the means to take her to the vet last weekend. The surgery went well and they had decided to keep her overnight on an IV to just get some rest and recover those fluids and we could pick ger up in the morning. Despite her pulling through the surgical removemal just fine, sadly, she passed away in her sleep. The vet told us it could’ve been a combination of small factors, plus her age... Happy 36th Birthday for my husband, ya’ll :/

• It will have been 7 years ago that I lost one of the most loved & precious members of my family, my dad, on December 22nd. It has taken me a fucking ton of anguish struggling but also honest work to keep moving forward & continue healing. My mother, however... has gone in the absolute negative-opposite. She’s become an erratic bitter husk of her former self, whom is severly obsessive over painful past memories/slights, and she’s only in her early/mid 60’s. She is already showing the beginning symptoms of dementia, senility, and/or alzheimers. And her bitterness is taking a toll on my sister & me, as far as how to manage and/or approach these staggering revelations to her and/or her doctors.

• My mother is the kind of person who stopped going to any therapist after one told her she wasn’t improving. This woman will obsess & pick apart reasons over anyone who doesn’t automatically like her or accept her upon first impressions, and she’s always been constantly obsessive over what others think about her. You could be having the best day with her, but if anything is said remotely regarding a past (negative) memory, she’ll instantly bring it up and become hateful and passive aggressive towards you for the rest of the day. That is one hell of a constant mental minefield to emotionally navigate.

Also, @staff this fucking garbage app crashes every time I try to check my notifications, so trying to check for stuff I’ve been tagged in for more than 45 seconds has been a goddamned hassle.

💕 If you took the time to read this, thank you for listening/reading through this bitch-fest of bullshit 💕

So yeah, 2019 can go fuck itself with a spiked dildo in a sandpaper condom with poison ivy-laced lube.

@justahopeless-dreamer @dystopian-dez382 @adamcansuckme @slytherin-pixie @thecutestlittlebunbunfairy @abbessolute @angryschnauzer @rebekahmarie13 @kittenblade @tayayayaylor @maxwell-demon @nuggsmum @elfpunk @ice-queen-of-music @sarabeth72 @quoting-shakespeare-to-ducks @pedeka @writernotwaiting @tomhiddleston-kikibfairy @izhunny @geminiloveca @wolfsmom1 @angelus80 @neither-blue-nor-green @rosebudwhite @inkededucatednnerdy @ourladybinxthings @prplprincez @wandering-shepard @awolfbeneath @lowhostrikesback @icybluepenguin @peskipixi @icyxmischief @adarkprincereborn @tinaferraldo @adder24

#2019 #fuck this whole year #personal #personal bullshit #work bullshit #family

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teamfreewill-imagine · 7 years ago

Text

I Know Your Wife (She Wouldn’t Mind) - Part Twenty-Two

Summary: Keeping the adoption a secret for so long comes back to bit you in the ass, and Jared has some age-related hang ups Words: 3.5k Jared x Reader x Gen, Jensen, Danneel, Zep, Tom, Shep Warnings: mild angst, bearded Jensen, shirtless Jared Beta: @blacksiren

I Know Your Wife - Masterpost

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Everything had been going great until you woke to eight missed calls from your agent and three group emails from higher-ups at Supernatural.

The emails were evading the real issue, but the jist of them was that they wanted you and Jensen to arrange a time that you could Skype the team back in Vancouver.

You padded down to the kitchen of the Ackles house, making yourself a smoothie before calling your agent back.

She answered on the second ring.

“Y/N, what the hell?”

You frowned, confused at her irritated tone.

“Uh, you called me a hundred times while I was sleeping,” you reminded her, sitting up onto a stool, “And you didn’t leave a message so I figured-”

“I’m not asking why you called,” she clarified, “I’m asking why the hell you didn’t think to notify your agent that you were getting adopted by your co-star.”

“Oh,” you nodded, smiling at Danneel as she came into the room, Zep on her hip. “I, uh, didn’t think it was a big deal.”

Danneel walked over and kissed the top of your head before quietly making up a bottle for her son.

“It’s a big deal when I’m getting emails and phone calls asking if you’re available for interviews about your new parents and I have no idea what they’re talking about,” she insisted. “Do you know how unprofessional that makes me look?”

“Shit,” you murmured, earning a chastising glance from Danneel as she motioned to Zep, “I’m sorry, I didn’t think. And we- we don’t wanna do any interviews.”

You could hear her sigh, the anger leaving her as she noticed the slight flicker of worry in your tone.

“Yeah, no, I figured that much,” she told you. “When we signed you, you told me the topic of your family was off the table for you in interviews, so I just went with that response once I found out what everyone was talking about.”

It was your turn to sigh, with relief and gratitude that she hadn’t thought any interview was worth the payday.

Even if it was about your Ackles family, the questions would go back to ‘why’ they adopted you and ‘what happened’ with your biological family, and those were hard limits that you weren’t willing to cross.

“Thank you,” you told her, feeling bad for not thinking to contact her in the first place.

In reality, your mind hadn’t been focused on much other than your family, your relationship, and your baby, so it wasn’t just your agent that you’d neglected to inform. Though, she may have been the most important and necessary to contact.

“One question,” she spoke up, and you hummed for her to continue as you took a drink. “Do I need to change your name on your resume? Are you professionally gonna be an Ackles now or are you sticking with-”

“Ackles,” you confirmed, and Danneel raised an eyebrow. “It’s Ackles on my birth certificate, and passport, and if I get any more jobs after this baby is born and people hate me, I’d want it to be Ackles on the credits, too.”

Both Danneel and your agent made small tutting noises when you said about people hating you, but you just shrugged.

“People aren’t gonna hate you,” your agent told you. “If anything, the controversy might land you more auditions. It’d get you a bunch of money from interviews as well but-”

“We’ve talked about this,” you reminded her. “Jared has a plan.”

“Yeah, I know, I know,” she sighed. “Look, sorry for snapping but you’ve gotta keep me in the loop or I’ll look unprofessional and then my boss will be mad.”

“I know, I’m sorry, it all happened quite fast and we didn’t tell any of our friends until it was finalised so I didn’t think to tell anyone,” you explained.

“Alright, water under the bridge,” she assured you. “But remember to tell me if you’re gonna make any more life changes.”

“I will,” you promised. “Sorry again. Are we good?”

“We’re good. Talk to you soon.”

You hummed your agreement as you hung up, sighing and putting your phone down on the counter.

“Three things,” Danneel told you, handing you Zep so that you could continue his feed while she made herself coffee. “Number one, I don’t mind you swearing because you know me and Jay are the worst with bad language sometimes, but try not to do it in front of the kids.”

You bit your lip, nodding apologetically.

“Two,” she continued, “The people that are gonna hate you for who your baby’s daddy is aren’t the people that are gonna be able to offer you jobs. They’re irrelevant nobodies who don’t understand that you’ve done nothing wrong. You fell in love, now you’re having a baby with the guy you love, with a girl you both love to support you. You’re a great actress and you’ve still got Supernatural even after the CW found out about you and the Padaleckis. I’ve had controversy around me for my whole career, and the only reason I’m not going for auditions now is that I decided to stop.”

You nodded, her words combined with what your agent had said making you more inclined to believe her.

Truthfully, you weren’t sure how long you were going to be able to keep acting after you had your baby, but that’s what season thirteen was for; to see how you could juggle being a mom and an actress.

You put the bottle down once Zep had stopped feeding, moving him against your chest and over your shoulder so that you could burp him.

“And third?” you asked, and Danneel nodded, swallowing her sip of coffee.

“Oh, yeah, Jay said something about a Skype meeting?” she prompted.

“Yeah,” you shrugged, “The bosses want to talk to us about something. My guess is that they wanna cut hiatus short and fu- mess up all my moving plans.”

She smiled as you self-corrected your cursing, rolling her eyes at your words.

“If they try to cut Jensen’s hiatus, they can think twice because that man needs time with his babies, and frankly I need a break,” she informed you and you laughed, turning your head to place a kiss to the top of Zep’s.

“I’d never need a break from you,” you told him quietly, earning you a gurgled smile and a scoff from Danneel.

“My girl, I’ll remind you of that when you’re calling from ‘Couver and asking me and Gen to give you a break from Baby Dits,” she laughed. “God, you’re lucky it’s just the one baby in your belly.”

You lifted Zep so that he was standing on your legs, smiling the cutest gummy smile at you.

“If my babies were as gorgeous as you and your sister, I’d be fine, wouldn’t I?” you asked him, and he dribbled an accidental spit bubble while trying to reach for your hair.

You used a muslin to dab up his spittle, smoothing his gorgeous dark hair back.

“Yeah, maybe not,” you murmured, letting him grab at your finger. “But I can handle one, right? I’m learning.”

“Of course you can,” Danneel assured you, relieving you of Zep so that you could finish your smoothie. “You don’t even cry when you’re making up a bottle anymore.”

You laughed, shaking your head as you looked down at the jar cradled in your palms.

“That was… I was having a crisis,” you reminded her.

“Hey, I’m no stranger to a ‘Holy Crap Motherhood Is Hard’ crisis,” she smiled, kissing the top of your head again before making to leave the room, bouncing Zep on her hip to make him chuckle. “I’m gonna let this one’s daddy know you’re up so you guys can get this weird, mysterious Skype thing out of the way.”

You nodded, draining the last of your smoothie and walking across to the sink.

“That’s gonna be fun,” you murmured to yourself as you rinsed the jar, placing it on the rack to dry before running a hand over your bump. “What have we gotten ourselves into, huh?”

Jensen gave JJ strict instructions not to enter his office while the two of you were on Skype, with the promise that you’d play with her once your meeting was over.

She pouted but ultimately agreed, telling you that she was going to help Danneel give the twins a bath.

“Not sure she’s gonna be much help,” Jensen murmured as the two of you sat at his desk and he started up his computer.

“She’s gonna try her best,” you grinned, crossing your legs in the comfortable leather desk chair. “And it’ll keep her busy.”

He nodded in agreement, opening up Skype and waiting for the call.

You studied his worried expression, focussing on the few grey hairs in his facial hair.

“You’re getting old, Mr. Ackles,” you told him, and he looked offended until he realised you were looking at his beard.

“Oh, shut up,” he laughed softly. “Dee says it’s hot.”

“I didn’t say it’s a bad thing,” you shrugged. “Just, you make fun of Jared for a couple silver hairs and you’ve got your own hiding in your beard.”

“Jared is four years younger than me,” he reminded you as the Skype ringtone started up. “It’s my job to tease him.”

You allowed a nod, and he sighed, looking at the screen as it asked if he wanted to accept the video call.

“Ready, kiddo?” he asked, and you smiled tightly.

“As I’ll ever be,” you murmured, resting your hands on your bump.

You remained silent through the forced greeting and catch-up for the first few minutes of the call, wishing they’d just cut to the chase about what they needed to talk to you both for.

“Alright, Y/N is clearly getting bored,” Andrew noticed, and you shrugged.

“No, I just wanna know what the big issue is,” you told them, earning a fond laugh from Jensen.

“Yeah, she’s got a point,” he agreed. “What’s so urgent? Because if you’re cutting our hiatus short, you’re gonna have to put up with Danneel in the fallout.”

“Your vacation isn’t in jeopardy,” Eric assured you. “We needed to talk to you about this adoption that you failed to let us know about.”

“Alright, hey, that’s not our fault,” Jensen argued lightly. “It was a rush decision for Y/N and her baby’s safety, and we didn’t tell people about it so that her-”

“So nobody could interfere and fuck it up,” you interrupted, not wanting Jensen to spill any of your family drama for everyone to see.

Things with your birth-mom were shared on a strictly need-to-know basis, and these men did not need to know.

“Yeah,” Jensen murmured, smiling apologetically at you.

“Well, because we were kept out of the loop, this news has lead to some issues with our plans for season thirteen,” Andrew explained, and you frowned, opening your mouth to respond before Jensen cut in.

“What issues?” he asked. “Just change her name on the titles, it’s not a big deal.”

“You’re aware that some episodes have already been conceptualised, yes?”

The two of you nodded, so he continued.

“One of the episodes we’ve started writing involves a dream sequence for Trinity,” he told you. “In which would include a scene with Dean and Trinity. Intimately.”

“Gross,” you murmured, at the same time as Jensen grumbled, “What the fuck?”

“Trinity would be in a dream-like state where she would be experiencing the things she wanted most in the world,” Eric expanded, and you pulled a face. “Kind of like Dean with the Djinn in season two.”

“You really think what Trinity wants most in the whole world is to fuck Dean Winchester?” you asked, completely unimpressed.

“Their chemistry is palpable, a lot of fans have picked up on it.”

“A lot of fans also want Dean to fuck his brother but you’re not writing that into the script,” Jensen argued, clearly as irritated as you were.

“That’s different,” Andrew told you, and you scoffed.

“Either way, it’s fucking a family member,” you told him, and they looked at Jensen for backup.

“She’s not wrong,” he shrugged. “Even if the adoption hadn’t happened, neither of us would’ve wanted to film that.”

“If the adoption hadn’t happened, you wouldn’t have gotten a choice,” Eric reminded you. “You’re actors. You’re getting paid. You’d have filmed the scene.”

You bristled at his tone, ready to argue before Jensen laid a hand on your shoulder, letting you know he’d take it from here.

“Well, the adoption has happened. Y/N is my daughter, and no amount of money could make either of us agree to get it on for a stupid dream sequence,” he told them, firmly. “And she’s right, you know? Trinity doesn’t want to fuck Dean. She wants to be taken seriously as a hunter. If you added in that scene, if you let the fans run the show like that, you’d open the door for a relationship to form between the two of them outside of the dream, and that’s not something I think you want to focus on.”

You nodded in agreement, grateful that he was able to articulate what you were thinking.

“So… that’s a firm ‘no’ on that scene?” Andrew clarified, and Jensen nodded.

“A firm ‘no’ on the scene that doesn’t make sense and involves me making out with my daughter,” he confirmed, and you rolled your eyes.

“I can’t believe this stupid dream was an idea that y’all were even entertaining, let alone writing,” you murmured.

“You might want to remember who you’re talking to, Y/N,” Eric warned, and you raised an eyebrow, ready to snap back.

“Alright, okay,” Jensen intervened, shooting you a glance. “You guys got the confirmation you were after. Sorry that you’re going to have to change that episode but we can’t do anything about it now. Is there anything else you wanted to talk to us about?”

“Not at this point,” Andrew allowed while you narrowed your eyes at your lap, trying not to glare at the person who pretty much controlled your career. “Just… let us know before you make anymore life decisions that could affect the show.”

“Of course,” Jensen smiled tightly. “Alright, we’ll see you in August.”

You tuned out again for the obligatory goodbyes, picking at the frayed hem of your jean shorts until Jensen hung up.

You sighed, getting to your feet and stretching.

“Kiddo, you can’t talk to Eric like that,” Jensen reminded you, and you shrugged.

“It was a really shitty idea,” you told him. “If they wanted Trinity to fuck a Winchester, they could’ve chosen Sam. Even if I wasn’t your daughter now, Jared wouldn’t have wanted that scene to happen, either.”

“Yeah,” he allowed, standing up and making his way over to the door. “It was pretty dumb.”

“And when he implied that without the adoption, they’d’ve forced us to film it?” you raised an eyebrow. “Gross.”

“Alright, kid,” he sighed, ushering you out of the room. “It’s over now.”

You nodded, leaning into him as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders.

“They’re gonna kill me off, now,” you joked, and he laughed.

“Nah,” he smirked. “You’re not a love interest anymore.”

You’d never been in a serious relationship over your partner’s birthday before.

You’d never had to think about what they’d like, what they’d appreciate as a gift, and honestly you didn’t know where to start.

Jared was turning thirty-five and you had no idea what to get him.

It probably didn’t help that he’d been avoiding the topic of his birthday all month.

“It makes him feel old,” Gen explained when he changed the subject and left the room. “When you talk about his birthday it reminds him of the age gap.”

That was fucking stupid, but you let him mope in peace anyway.

He was fourteen years and three months older than you and you had both known that from the beginning. His birthday wasn’t going to change anything.

Luckily, Genevieve didn’t have the same age-crisis hang ups.

You came up with a plan together, and on Wednesday morning you found yourself on their doorstep with a card in your hands.

Jared opened the door in nothing but a pair of sweatpants, and you grinned at him as you stepped inside, closing the door behind you.

“Happy birthday, old man,” you teased, pulling him down into a kiss before he had a chance to react.

“Y/N,” he murmured, a faint hint of protest in his tone.

“Can’t believe Baby Dits is gonna have an old guy for a daddy,” you continued, unaware of the extent of his annoyance.

“This is a shitty way to say ‘happy birthday’,” he told you, and you shrugged, handing him his card.

“You know I don’t care how old you are,” you reminded him. “You’re one of the good guys and that’s all that matters.”

He didn’t look convinced, so you sighed.

“Are you with me because I’m twenty?” you asked, and he frowned.

“What? No,” he shook his head. “I’m with you in spite of that.”

“Right,” you agreed, raising an eyebrow and urging him to understand that it was the same for you. “This age complex is getting ridiculous. Gen’s older than you and you don’t see her freaking out about it.”

He looked like he wanted to say something else, but you stopped him, nodding to the card.

“Open it,” you told him. “It explains your present.”

He peeled open the envelope, removing the generic card from inside.

“You didn’t have to get me anything,” he told you, and you laughed softly.

“I didn’t,” you explained. “Not really.”

He frowned, opening the card as a small packet of lube fell out.

Jared laughed, picking it up from the floor in case one of the boys found it.

“That’s more of a token,” you smiled, encouraging him to read what you’d written on the inside.

Jared, It’s safe to say that a whole lot was different this time last year. In fact, we were only just about to meet for the very first time. While I wouldn’t change anything about how this year has panned out (apart from maybe that time you told everyone about the pregnancy and neglected to inform me about your slip up), I know that everything can get a bit much at times. So, for your birthday, my gift to you is simple: A day like it used to be. Just you, Gen, and that big bed of yours. No kids. No dog. No girlfriend(? Baby mama? Junk food lover? Incredible sex partner?), no interruptions. I’m taking Tom, Shep, and Arlo out for the day. Then this evening I’m leaving the kids with J&D for the night and making the three of us dinner. You’re welcome. Now stop reading and go sex up your wife. Y/N xxx

Jared laughed softly as he read, a blush rising from his chest.

He looked at you once he’d finished, his eyebrows pulling together in a slight frown.

“You’re running away for the day?” he asked, and you laughed.

“No, I’m taking time to bond with my baby’s siblings while giving their daddy time to fuck his wife with no interruptions,” you expanded.

“And you think Gen and I wouldn't want you with us?”

“Jare, I know you would,” you sighed, running a hand over your bump, “But, in case you’ve forgotten, I’m a little bit pregnant and I don't have the energy to fool around all day. So I’m gonna take your dog and sons to the park, leave them with their favourite uncle for the evening, then come and join you for the final round.”

He cracked a smile, leaning down and kissing you firmly.

“Thank you,” he mumbled against your lips, hiatus scruff tickling your chin.

You kissed him once more, lingering a little longer before pulling back as Gen came round the corner in a tank top and a pair of Jared’s boxers.

“Hey, sweetie,” she smiled, the boys following her with Arlo already on his leash.

“Good morning,” you smiled back, kissing her chastely once she was close enough. “Did you get everyone ready?”

“We have our shoes on,” Tom told you, “And snacks in our bags.”

“An’ Arlo,” Shep added, and you laughed.

“I can see that, bud,” you smiled, ruffling his hair. “But we’re not gonna need too many snacks because I’m taking y’all out for lunch.”

“Do you want money for the boys’ food?” Gen asked, and you rolled your eyes.

“No. We’re good,” you assured her.

You kissed Gen again before leaning up to kiss Jared.

“Have fun,” you told them, opening the door and shepherding the boys out. “Happy birthday.”

You grabbed Arlo’s leash as he tried to run past, his wagging tail hitting your legs as you followed the boys out of the house.

“Hey, Y/N?” Jared called once you were halfway down the driveway.

The three of you turned back to face him, his arm thrown over Gen’s shoulders as they stood on the doorstep.

“Thanks,” he told you, and you laughed.

“No problem,” you responded, waving at them as the boys did the same.

“We’re gonna have fun,” Tom announced, and you smiled down at him as Shep took your free hand in his own.

“Yeah, we are.”

tags are closed because this always takes me 20 years

@purgatoan, @thelittleredwhocould, @sammylynne321, @ariannalikescake, @writergirl909, @vinylwinchesters, @thisisthelilith, @tlb-kylie, @allinhishands, @winchester-gospels-67, @supernatural0826, @greek-geek481, @mija-novella, @nerdysandwichqueen, @gemini75eeyore, @imaginespnr5er, @green-love-red-fantasyhearts, @kelsey-spn, @lafayettrash, @emoryhemsworth, @dearnoonethisisurlovesong, @spnolivia, @remybosslika, @ruined-by-destiel, @fernandasvaldi, @kickasscas67, @theplaidshirtmadness, @quilliamfears, @charity-elizabeth, @haleyhay96, @latinenglishfandomblog, @smoothdogsgirl, @chelseypaigeake, @katymacsupernatural, @prideandprejudiceandbrendonurie, @tiffanycaruso, @juliaschminke, @breakthesociety, @jpadjackles, @lakama15, @lookalivewinchester221b, @abbirae99, @hiddenwritingsintheworld, @karrington7, @leyhikawinchester, @youcanhavit, @faegal04, @ellen-reincarnated1967, @avengersgirllorianna, @burgundycastiel, @mint-and-pastel-pink, @feelmyroarrrr, @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid, @obi-wan-my-only-ho, @aprofoundbondwithdean, @clueless-gold, @trashforwinchesters, @raeeismee, @supernaturalsuperfreakfan, @blacktithe7, @sinceriouslyamellpadalecki, @supernaturalstarbug, @pinkbunnies2001, @madelineannmolder, @danijimenezv, @h4izel, @missbabyfae, @bovaria, @impalaimagining, @im-super-potter-locked, @samcentric-fics, @oriona75, @samsexualdeancurious, @butiaintgonnaloveem, @atc74, @too-much-winchester, @aquabrie, @taylorlaurenthomas, @crowleysaveme, @missvengeance93, @flawsweirdo, @a-queen-and-her-throne, @maxwellthemajestickoala, @castielsgrace-idjits, @typicalweirdbookworm, @relationshipyard, @supernaturalismalife, @screechingfangirlnerd, @aeryntheofficial, @letsfrickfrackhemmings, @summerbee53, @cfordwrites, @pinolief2001, @im-beautifully-sewn, @clariedelalune, @xlarryisreallovex, @archer-whovian-violinist, @asgardianvamp21, @shadowpriestess6, @writingbeautifulmen, @l8nitl0vr, @wificrazymisfit, @buckybarnesisalittleshit

#ikyw #i know your wife #spn rpf #jared x reader x gen #jared x gen #supernatural #jared padalecki #genevieve padalecki #jensen ackles #danneel ackles

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dustiesmasseffect · 8 years ago

Note

You used to be realy active and nice and freindly, and now it seems like you only reblog art and talk to your blogger freinds who you write MEL with. You ignor asks and you ignor fandom memes. What happened to suporting smaller bloggers? What hapened to you? Its like you got populer and just forgot about your old friends.

Hi Anon-

TBH, this message took me by surprise.

Let me try and unpack your Ask a bit because I feel likeperhaps I hurt feelings or did something wrong unintentionally. I also could gointo all the things happening in my life on the other side of this screen, butyou don’t need a bio (and I don’t think I should have to write one either).

First of all, I will say that I did actually make a postback in October about stepping back from the blog. This was a purposefuldecision of mine because I was spending a lot of my days in front of mycomputer during work, after work, andon the weekends scheduling and tagging posts. I was putting up 4 posts an hourfor 24 hours at the time, meaning I was tagging and scheduling nearly 100posts/day. I did this for several MONTHS. My social life took a dive, mysleeping schedule took a dive, and I wasn’t doing anything but running theblog. I call(ed) DME my “second job” when I talked about it with myfriends. That’s how much time I was spending on it.

Until about 2-3 weeks ago, I had cut the schedule back to 2posts/hour with a small queue running for a few hours during the middle of thenight. That’s still a lot of work for me, but it allowed me some personalpursuits off of the computer which is what I need to recharge.

With the new Andromeda trailers dropping more frequently andfandom content going into overdrive, I’ve had to up my posting schedule againto even try and keep up. Even when I’m “on top” of things I find I’mstill behind and I’m not catching up.

This breaks my heart because I feel like I’m letting peopledown. I am only one person though, so it’s important that it’s understood thatI’m doing the best that I can.

As for only reblogging art, I am sad to say that this istrue and I feel HUGELY guilty about it. The main reason why this happens isthat I want to read every piece of fiction I post and reading a story takes alot longer than looking at a work of fan art. I honestly have about 200 storiesfrom the fandom in my drafts that I want to read before I post. It’s horribleand rude and terrible of me. I can’t read it all like I want, I haven’t readANYTHING for fun in months, actually, because I’m too tired to when I finallyget to bed. It’s an excuse, yes, but it’s the truth.

I try to talk to everyone that messages me. Sometimes I’mable to reply right away and other times it can take me a week or two (ormore!) to answer. I’ve never been the best at conversations, even though I ambetter at written ones than verbal ones. (I am also terrible with replies because they take me forever to do.)

As for only talking to @omegastation and other MEL folks,that’s blatantly untrue and I’m not really sure where that assumption camefrom. I am sorry if it appears that way, but it’s definitely not the case. Yes,we talk, but those discussions of late are incredibly short and MEL business related andless of fun, “Hey what’s up and how are you doing?” convos.

In regards to Asks and memes, I actually try to answer asmany asks as I can and I often answer privately because that’s what’s warrantedby the message I’m sent. As for other Asks, I put a lot of time and thoughtinto them and they can take me quite a while to answer. However, because ofyour message, I’ve tried to go through as many of them as I can because it wasa task I had been neglecting. There are a couple of them that I will take sometime to answer still, but for the most part, I hope I’ve caught up.

Memes are also something that take me awhile to do. HonestlyI love(d) doing them for quite a while, but I became overburdened with themquickly. I also stopped getting emails from Tumblr over a year ago, so I onlysee posts I’m tagged in if I happen to see the tag in my notifications.Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. Getting tagged in something is an honor andI am really happy that people think of me when they do them.

It’s incrediblydifficult for me to do memes though because I want to do them right and notfast. I also get stressed and anxious about tagging other bloggers and doingchain messages because I always feel like I’m leaving people out and I don’twant others to have hurt feelings by not getting a message/tag. It’s a funpractice, but it can also cause hurt unintentionally. I kinda unofficiallystopped doing them for this reason. I want to tag EVERYONE, but I can’t, so Ijust don’t do them.

I support everyone and try to do so fairly. I’ve spent mostof my time in the tag now for the better part of a month, reblogging as much asI can. I know I’m missing posts but that’s basically because there is SO MUCHNEW CONTENT I cannot keep up. I try to reblog and showcase as many differentpeople and blogs as I can, but with the sheer amount of stuff going aroundright now, I am bound to miss some. I have considered opening my submissions tohelp with this, but in all honesty I prefer to reblog.

I haven’t forgotten about anyone. In reality this franchisehas a huge fan base and our “little” community that existed sixmonths ago has grown again as people have started coming back to Mass Effect asAndromeda approaches. Mass Effect 3 sold over 3.5 million copies on its own in itsFIRST MONTH OF RELEASE, which means that there are a TON of fans out there.Some of the fans weren’t as vocal until the Andromeda hype machines startedfull blast, but they’re back and excited now, and I’m happy that everyone ishere.

The thing is that now the community feels bigger and lesscohesive than it did last year. It’s not really, but it FEELS that way andthere’s so much content being produced daily that folks like me, who want toget as much Mass Effect in one spot, are having a hard time collating andorganizing it all. I physically can’t keep up, even if I spend all my wakinghours doing it.

Yes, I realize that perhaps my break seemed like I wasturning my back on the community and that’s definitely not the case. I had to step back for me and my mentalhealth. I miss the community and the friends I have here for sure. I misswriting! I miss talking to people about their Sheps. I miss lots of aspects ofTumblr that I was more active in 6 months ago. But I could not and cannot keepup with it all without it being detrimental to my life outside of the computerscreen.

I’m trying. I really am. I am sorry if I somehow missed apost of yours and didn’t reblog it. I’m sorry if there are mutuals who feelthat I’ve not boosted them enough. I’m sorry if I’ve left IM messagesunanswered. To be honest, I hardly feel “popular” and I kind of feelthe most hurt about that remark more than anything.

My goal has always been to make this blog a nice place forpeople to appreciate a game franchise they love and I hope I’m still doingthat, even if I’ve been unable to be directly in the thick of things for awhile now.

This is already much longer than I intended (or than itshould be) but clearly this is a topic that should be addressed.

I can only apologize for my extended “satellite” absence and ask for theunderstanding as to why I needed to and continue to do it.

Sincerely,Marina, AKA Dustie

#AskAnswered #Anon #TextPost #LongPost #PersonalPost #LONG LONG LONG POST

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