#tfw you remember that your experiences are not universal

[umbershift]

I was so bewildered about how people can pick who to romance in Veilguard when like you don’t know them, you haven’t met the characters, how can you want to romance a character you haven’t talked to? Then I remembered.

[mittensmorgul]

hey mittens! i know you’ve written off the finale at this point (and haven’t we all), but i was just wondering: do we know whose idea it was to have kripke co-write that ep? because like, in hindsight, that was...a choice, and i’ve been thinking that might explain SOME of the weirdness of that ep (emphasis on SOME because uh. i really do think that some of the cringiest details didn’t come from writers at all). anyway—thoughts?

I don’t think Kripke had anything to do with writing the final ep. It just... felt like a Kripke ep, and I’m starting to think that Dabb did that intentionally. He’s the most meta writer the show might’ve ever had, and in refusing to allow Sam and Dean to live out past their ultimate victory, in choosing to “force an ending” on the characters instead of leaving their world “open” with no concrete ending, he succeeded at the task that Chuck- as Kripke’s avatar in the original story of Supernatural-- had failed to do.

Dabb, in a very real sense, is the one who “ended the story of Supernatural.” He wanted to bring it full circle, to “close the universe” and make it “reboot-proof.” This is something he’s talked about going back as far as SDCC 2019, and many of us had hoped that would mean something “better” than what Chuck wanted for the Winchesters, and for Cas.

I was hoping, and watching the show for the last few years under the assumption that Dabb’s in-story avatar was more a combination of different characters. At first, Billie, who started as a reaper but was elevated to the role of Death (like Dabb himself started as a writer who became more important to the telling of the tale, and eventually became the final showrunner who would eventually reap the show in the end, as it were).

After Jack’s introduction, I wondered if he was going to “grow into the role” of the Authorial Avatar. After all, he served as a mirror for all three other characters, reflecting their stories back at them and allowing them to process their own emotional and psychological issues by helping Jack through them. I wrote long ago, back in s13, how this enabled TFW to sort of graduate from student to master, in the martial arts sense of the word, because one truly only completes learning a thing through the process of teaching others.

And then the Empty became involved as an actual being that manifested through the identities of others, and didn’t really have its own identity other than “I need to sleep, stop disturbing me!” which... felt like it might’ve become relevant when Jack’s power was able to break through into its realm.

Then these three beings began plotting the final overthrow of the Original Author. One laid claim to the lives of Sam and Dean (Billie), one laid claim to Castiel (the Empty). We watched Jack-- the incarnation of “balance” and the vehicle through which the show demonstrated what the human soul’s function is, what the function of angelic grace WITHOUT a human soul’s function is, and what Jack as a whole being with both actually is, as he fully came to his own understanding of what humanity, human love, and the responsibility and function of cosmic power and balance is within himself.

I never doubted (especially after he consumed Michael’s grace and made that power his own) that Jack’s function would be as the ultimate role that Chuck had been trying to force on Dean since s11-- “the firewall between light and darkness.” That Jack would be the crucible to fully unite the power embodied in Amara and Chuck. Chuck’s ending was about as poetic as it gets, and I 100% appreciate Jack’s “end” in the narrative that isn’t really an end for him, because the story also implied that Chuck’s original “problem” stemmed from his wanting to give himself an ego and play with his own creation like so many tinkertoys, to force his will on a universe he created to be ruled by the will of others. 

The ultimate act of Team Free Will left Chuck fully human and an effectively blank book, with no power to force anyone else to play his games. Excellent, right? Poetic even!

But the story wasn’t really over, because in our world, there was one more episode, a coda fic if you will. And all of the characters I’d associated with Dabb-as-avatar were... rendered mute. Billie was dead or dying in the Empty, Jack came into his full power and had already healed the universe, implying that the Empty’s conditions were fulfilled and could finally go back to sleep.

Unfortunately, Chuck’s Book, while appearing blank, still contained all the words. Only Death could read them, and as far as we know, nobody in that universe had ascended to that role. But in our universe, we know that’s Dabb’s function in the narrative. What sort of ending could he write?

Most of us hoped that it would be a “once more, with feeling” sort of “you can finally lay down your arms and make a new life for yourself” ending. Many of us were baffled first off that Jack wouldn’t have brought Cas back from the Empty to Earth. We never really had a satisfactory explanation in canon of what happened there. Was Cas actually dead? What function does he have if he’s in Heaven? Has he been relegated to a role of duty and service as punishment for daring to yearn for human things? It just... it felt like the final stab from a story that had just told us that he truly has been the one disrupting for in Chuck’s story, that he was something that Chuck could never force out of the story or control, who demonstrated free will and learned to love humanity because of Dean, and yet doomed to never have that for himself. Most of us felt that line in 15.18 deserved subversion in the aftermath, and yet we never even get concrete confirmation that he’s even really alive in the same way he was before. It’s... what Chuck always wanted for Cas, to shunt him out of the story and render him powerless and plotless.

What did Chuck want for Sam and Dean? What story did he force them into over and over again? One of them tragically dead and the other miserable and mourning. He wrote billions of iterations of this exact story, over and over throughout billions of universes created for the sole purpose of doing exactly this to every incarnation of Sam and Dean he possibly could. Most of us hoped this might be the ONE universe where that was subverted, like it was the ONE universe where Castiel refused to fall in line with Heaven’s orders and plans. But nope, Dean died tragically (almost immediately after saying in canon that the only way they could honor Cas and Jack’s sacrifices for them was to keep living), and Sam lived a rather bleak and hollow life where the only thing we know he did was to raise a son named for his dead brother.

Chuck would’ve been freaking DELIGHTED!

Which... brings us to Heaven... where we get the vague hint that Cas “helped” Jack “knock down the walls” and make it a paradise that Dean would love and feel rewarded by. We never actually find out what role Cas played in that, or if he was also there in some capacity. But how I’ve always personally understood Heaven as it was in Chuck’s creation, was as a self-sustaining and ever expanding Destiny Generator, like a power generator or a giant battery where each Heaven Cubicle functioned as a cell. The show itself has been using the soul-as-power-source for ages (it was pretty much the running theme of s6-- it’s the souls!-- and this theme was returned in force in s11, culminating in the “soul bomb” plot of (gasp!) Andrew Dabb’s season finale.

Heaven was beginning to break down as a “machine” and a power generator not for lack of human souls, but for lack of angels to maintain the structure of heaven itself. In one of his first episodes, Cas even described the function of angels as being “agents of fate.” Their sole role was to literally “hold Chuck’s narrative together.” Metaphorically in the story-- in the original Apocalypse as the guides who tried to force Sam and Dean into the roles they were destined for-- as well as metaphorically in Heaven which was the “battery” that gave the angels their power in the first place. Remember what happened to Cas when he has been “cut off from Heaven” and began to lose his powers.

So the way I’d always understood the function of Heaven in Chuck’s story was exactly that. Without Chuck’s narrative, the walls would fall and the paradise Jack’s birth heralded would come to fruition THERE. Because as long as there is life, and free will, and more than one person on EARTH, that sort of paradise is an impossible dream. We’re seeing that exemplified now in real life, actually, with people claiming their rights and freedoms are being infringed upon by being asked to wear a mask and limit their social interactions to prevent the spread of a deadly virus. Does their “freedom” override the “freedom” of others who would prefer to remain alive and not infected by a virus that could kill them? It’s an impossible balance, because true freedom cannon exist in life without compromise and sacrifice.

Which brings us to Dean, and his essential humanity, which had been exemplified in his selfless love of humanity so strong that he became a cosmic disrupting force of his own by simply refusing to let Chuck’s story defeat him. He struggled with this throughout s15 as Chuck told him that his life had never truly been his own, and that he’d always been a character in a bigger story. He’d finally begun to feel at peace with who he was, with the family he’d made for himself, and everything and every experience he’d endured that had shaped him into the person he’d become, and Chuck’s revelation led him to doubt everything. In the end, he was finally able to see what truly DID matter, what really WAS real (thank you to 15.17 for confirming that Cas was one of those things that Chuck had also never intended to be part of his story, and that Cas truly had always chosen Dean freely, because his doubt of Cas was one of the main things hurting Dean in s15, epitomized in his crisis in 15.09 in Purgatory). So the fact that Cas was not “allowed” to come back to Dean afterward feels... punitive. The fact that Dean was not “allowed” to actually experience a real human life on the Earth he’d devoted his entire life to saving, the fact that Sam was never able to achieve peace and happiness in a life he’d struggled to find balance between a destiny he’d never wanted and a normalcy that had been merely performative for decades because shoving the majority of his life experience down to play at being “normal” was never truly possible, and required truly accepting all of himself to actually free himself from the half-life we saw him live after Dean’s death... all of that just... it’s exactly what Chuck would’ve wanted for all three of them.

And it’s depressing af, that when given the power to “end the story of Team Free Will,” Dabb chose to enact Chuck’s final draft, rather than handing blank books to these three to write their own lives. And it just looks like Kripke’s writing, because it kind of is his story. We just hoped it wasn’t, and that the final avatar of The Author in the story would be TFW themselves. But that was probably never meant to be. Because destiny is apparently still stronger than human free will, and isn’t that just depressing af.

[prince-of-elsinore]

1, 6, 7, 28

1. Fave Ghost ep

Already answered!

6. What do you like about your least favourite season?

Tbh I'm not sure what my absolute least favorites season is. I'm not a fan of Dabbernatural in general. That said, on rewatches it's always season 9 that I tend to stall out on. Even if it's not objectively the worst, I find it hardest to watch for a variety of reasons. So I'll go with season 9. I like Abaddon! She was a really cool antagonist!

7. What do you dislike about your favourite season?

My favorite is season 2, because it is uniformly excellent and also nostalgia :) It's actually really hard to think of something I don't like... Okay, Sam's thing with Madison the werewolf in Heart is just so awkward and forced and melodramatic, imo! When she folds her underwear in front of him? Who DOES that? 😂

Ok but slightly more serious answer--I guess they could have gotten more mileage out of the special children. Developed more of them as side characters, had a three-part finale instead of two-part :)

28. Cruelest things TFW has done to each other?

Oh man this one is so hard, and hard to talk about.

I guess I’ll start with Castiel. I think him taking down Sam’s wall was very shitty! That’s probably actually the cruelest things he’s done to /both/ of them, considering how much Dean cares about Sam, and that the aftermath had terrible repercussions for them both.

Cruelest thing Dean has done to Cass—I honestly don’t know, I don’t really keep track. But he’s pretty rude to him in general? Like when he kicks Cass out of the bunker in s9 because of Gadreel, he doesn’t even try to soften the blow. I know he’s not happy about it, but he could have tried to help him more, I guess.

Cruelest thing Sam has done to Cass—has Sam ever been mean to Cass? I can’t remember lol. So okay, sort of tongue-in-cheek answer: being Dean’s no.1 and relegating Cass to eternal third wheel status. 🙃

For Dean and Sam, I’m excluding Soulless and Demon states.

Cruelest thing Dean has ever done to Sam: I have two answers, can’t decide which is worse. Obviously, tricking Sam into accepting Gadreel is one. I have such complex feelings about that whole situation. While I’m not unsympathetic to Dean’s (admittedly impaired) reasoning in his moment of desperation, it’s probably the worst thing he’s done in terms of repercussions. Sam had to go through the terrifying experience of possession again, and being used to kill Kevin was especially traumatic. (I have so many more thoughts about this arc but this is not the place… basically I just wish the show let them have the big blow up confrontation they needed and then actually talk about it and have Dean apologize.)

The other is MOC Dean telling Sam he had to die and nearly killing him. I don’t hold MOC Dean’s actions against him because he was clearly under the corrupting influence of an external power—I read a good meta recently likening the MOC to brain damage that would impair a person’s capacity for empathy, and I think that’s accurate. In this case, there was hardly anything separating Dean from demon-hood, so maybe it’s not fair to count this. But I’m thinking of the cruelty of Sam having to go through that. Sam, who so badly needs his big brother’s approval, needs to hear that he thinks Sam is good. Dean, who has gone to such lengths to keep Sam alive this long, going back on this core tenet of their relationship and Sam’s very identity. After Sam got a second chance at life after the Cage, he has to hear his big brother tell him he needs to die again for the good of the universe, when all he’s been trying to do is save Dean. :C

Cruelest thing Sam has done to Dean: Two answers, again. The first relates to the post-Purgatory fallout. It’s /not/ ‘he didn’t look for Dean!’ because I get that he was lost and in mourning. But it’s Sam’s reaction to Dean’s hurt that I take issue with. Now, don’t get me wrong: mostly, I blame the writers. It’s just not a very well-handled arc which is why it seems OOC. But Sam doesn’t really acknowledge Dean’s feelings, which imo stem from a misunderstanding, a lack of communication on Sam’s end. In a way, Sam not standing up for himself is the most hurtful thing he could do to Dean here. He doesn’t seem to care to explain his mourning process or mental state—he just leaves it at “but we promised!” which honestly makes it sound like he didn’t miss Dean, didn’t want to bring him back, was perfectly happy with his woman and his dog. He lets Dean believe that he really doesn’t care as much about their bond. Which obviously isn’t the truth, but if I were Dean in this situation, I’d be shook up too.

The other one is actually sort of a similar issue, and it’s also related to Gadreel. It’s about Sam’s ‘I wouldn’t have done the same’ comment. Again, don’t get me wrong—I understand Sam perfectly here. I know why he wouldn’t do the same, and I’m not taking issue with his stance at all. I also get that he is extremely, validly pissed. But here, again, though I’m not blaming Sam, I’m thinking about how it affects Dean. It’s another part of the Gadreel fallout I really wish the writers had addressed. Because Dean needs to understand Sam’s anger, but with that comment, Sam isn’t really trying to make Dean understand anything. He’s not bothering to explain himself, and not caring that it hurts his brother (right now, can’t blame him given his anger. Down the line though, they should talk). All that Dean hears with that statement is “I wouldn’t save you”—a reiteration of the problem with communication in s8. So again, Dean is left believing that Sam really doesn’t love him as much, and it’s a terrible blow. His confidence in the one thing he cares most about is utterly shaken and it sets him on a dark path. Sam wasn’t wrong to say it, but I wish at some point he’d tried to clarify (which I think he was trying to do through his actions in s10, with his desperation to save Dean—but that still doesn’t clear up the misunderstanding! Grr writers)

Hm, interesting that Dean’s worsts are actions, and Sam’s worsts are words (or silences). Not sure what it means, take it as you will. And please don't hate me 🙃 I love both brothers so much!!

Thank you for the ask!!

Ask game

[babblish]

1 2 3 & if you have time 7

Thanks for the questions! [WIP Writing Asks]

1) What made you write your WIP?I can’t remember who it was, possibly my SO at the time, challenged me to write smut because I was complaining about how hard I find it write those scenes/that genre. So I picked a specific memory scene from Uhl fic (if you’ve read the fic you can probably guess the one) and expanded on it from a different character PoV. I’m probably not going to share those scenes with the world at large because I’m kinda uncomfortable sharing that kind of stuff at the moment because of complicated internalised reasons. But in the process of writing that scene it just sort sparked this whole plot line that converged a whole lot headcanons and strong feelings re: the Canon I had floating around, and I ended up jumping into chapter 1 almost immediately after.

2) How long have you been working on your WIP?I distinctly remember it being late December 2018 when I starting working on the scene that because the start of Ottobiography. I had finished publishing the first part of Uhl fic (Chapters 1 - 23) and needed a break before I returned to part 2. I wrote the first ten chapters between January and March, switching between Ottobiography and Uhl fic when I felt like it. Once I got to this point I turned my focus back to Uhl fic again, writing drips and drabbles in the other only when I had an idea for a scene, and let it slip into hiatus entirely when season 2 of 3below was announced. After I had finally finished Uhl fic (Chapters 24-48) in November 2019, I took a break for several weeks, and returned to working on Ottobiography as my main project late December 2019.

3) How has the WIP changed between starting it and where it is now?I don’t know if it’s changed so much, I had a pretty solid idea of where I wanted to go almost straight from the beginning. Really all I did was plot out a starting point, an ending point, and connected a line between the two with several ideas I wanted to explore. I have in the process of writing this fic, decided to tone down the relentless mean-spiritedness and allow myself to introduce some safe little fluff islands to help me get through the trudge of writing it, and hopefully give readers something of a break between regrettable life choices.

7) What genre is your WIP in?

I suppose the overarching genre of Ottobiography is probably somewhere between historical drama and slowburn rise to power, and tragedy obviously, but each section of the overall stories is going to be broken up between their own little pocket sub-genres, settings, and plot tropes. 

The White Rabbit;

Part 1: Wilderness Survival, Assassination, Adventure #and there was only one bed

Part 2: Romantic Regency Era Drama, Fish Out Of Water #it is a truth universally acknowledged, that a changeling in possession of no fortune, must be in want of a trade

Part 3: Gothic Horror, McGuffin Hunt, Psychology Drama, Tearjerker#OP explores personal experiences with cognitive dissonance in a safe and fantastical way

The Daughters of Magic;

Part 1: Historical Farce, Dark Comedy, Reluctant Father/ Firebrand Daughter #music is good for the soul

Part 2: Historical Romance, Corset-ripper, Star-crossed Lovers #tfw you realise you made a terrible mistake and you can’t change what you did OR CAN YOU

Part 3: Historical Farce, Dark Comedy, Friendly Rivalry #the jeeves and wooster portion of the fic

The Pursuit of Stone;

Part 1: McGuffin Hunt, Action, Adventure #indiana jones but aggressively bi

Part 2: WWI, WII, Espionage, Action, Adventure #even the JO says fuck nazis

Part 3: Getting the Band Back Together, McGuffin Hunt, Espionage#what if the Berlin JO headquarters were a nightclub  

The Bridge to Yesterday;

Part 1 & 2: Espionage, Not So Friendly Rivalry, Tragedy, (Canon Re-write)#this is not an ottolives!au

Part 3:Tearjerker, Bitter-sweet Ending, #giving the changeling massacre a chance to breath in the narrative and the remaining characters an actual chance to fucking react to the events

[arospecinitiative]

attraction confusion - when you compare yourself to allos

so here’s the thing, as i understand it - most alloromantic and allosexual people have an easier time figuring out what they’re feeling for another person than aro and ace people, because the various attractions that can exist separately are usually all present and directed at one person at the same time. a standard allo person will say “i’m in love with them” and they’ll mean that they want to be in a romantic relationship (a sign of romantic attraction), kiss them and hold their hand (a sign of sensual attraction), be able to be emotionally intimate (a sign of emotional attraction), desire to have sex (usually a sign of sexual attraction) and that they find the looks of the person captivating (a sign of aesthetic attraction). and that usually comes as a full set!! which is fine, cool and absolutely no problem with that. it just can become confusing when it’s presented as Attraction that doesn’t consist of several different parts, but as a monolith. it’s clear that it does feel like one big thing and so it’s intuitively understandable for allos, but for a lot of a-spec people, those types of attractions don’t typically all appear together. and it’s the majority experience - the allo experience - that we’re comparing our experiences to. 

what does it translate to functionally?? this depends!! say you’re allo ace and experience romantic + emotional + sensual attraction to a person - you can form a romantic relationship that can mostly follow the allo relationship model, but maybe without sex. say you’re aroace and you experience sensual + emotional attraction and it may feel like “tfw you want to kiss but no romo. what do??”. what do indeed, when you’ve been hearing that usually wanting to kiss someone and be emotionally intimate with them means infatuation, but you don’t feel you want that romo. and the feelings may be very intense, you just can’t stop thinking about this person and you’d love to talk to them so much and then make out. and you may wonder what does it all mean, maybe you’re just afraid of commitment, because wanting to kiss someone sure is romantic, right?? 

as many people come to realize, no, a lot of actions considered romantic don’t have to have romantic intentions behind them, it’s just that for the majority they do and when that majority talks about their experiences, we assume that it’s universal and it’s not. the Attraction that is a monolith for them doesn’t have to be that way for us - we may feel a mix of different kinds of attraction towards different people. allo’s Attraction is perceived as a powerful force and our attractions can also be powerful, just different. it can also vary from one a-spec to another - we can personally have a certain mix that we usually feel towards friends, a certain mix that makes us want to ask another person to be our qpp and other a-specs may feel completely different mixes that are connected to friendships for them. 

what i want to emphasize at the end though is that - if you’re a-spec or questioning being a-spec, remember that you’re comparing yourself to the majority for who attraction can really work differently from yours and not only because you experience little to no sexual or romantic attraction and they do - it’s also that a lot of them can’t make distinctions between other kinds of attraction (hell, sometimes not even romantic and sexual attraction) and the guidelines they lay out (for example: “if you want to kiss, that’s a crush”) may just not fit your experiences. they also may describe their Attraction as the most intense feeling, but that doesn’t mean that all intense attractions are romantic and/or sexual. so question what the attraction actually means for you, don’t worry about the implications intensity has, and hopefully understand yourself a bit better 

[randomnameless]

Since the new Star Wars will be released in less than a week, I’ve been binge watching some of my favourite episodes...

I’m a bit surprised, but given how the original sixology (? the first 6 episodes) all revolve around a certain character who fell to “the dark side” and then was redeeemed, i couldn’t help but think about a certain game -

Ani’s the chosen one (tm) and knows it.

It goes over his head, makes him arrogant, his descent to madness is kind of gradual but it is well portrayed (unlike his romantic plot) - he really wanted to save the mom he never forgot but was forced to and now his wife is going to die and he must do something to prevent it because he is just so strong isn’t he supposed to be the chosen one (tm)?

Ani murdering children is never whitewashed. Ani, in his madness, tries to kill the one he swore to protect.

Ani doing all the shit he does in Episode III is, and will never be whitewashed

There is this “split-persona” thing where Darth tells Luke that Ani’s dead (just like Obi-Wan says Darth killed Ani) but in the end, we discover that the real Ani never died and there was still some part of him buried inside Darth’s evil looking armor.

(Ani never realising that the force is strong in his daughter when Luke says it is is on par with Princess Julia shenanigans, the plot never wanted it to happen but it had to be mentionned in some weird way)

so yes, at the end of the 6th movie, Ani’s kind of redeemed and appears as a force ghost.

GG Ani?

I thought Ani was a nice parallel to another mask wearing authoritarian character we know.

Granted, Anakin is shown to be subservient to Palpatine (calls him master and does whatever he wants - even if i read on the wiki that he tried to kill him after learning that Padmé died?) when Edel’s not so subservient to her uncle Arry.

Both were manipulated by external forces who are actually the reason why they suffered (even if it is not that simple in Star Wars? You can make the argument that Palpating was nurturing the “asshole” streak of Anakin, but he was still an asshole ?) and choose wrong pathes - Palpatine deceived Anakin into killing Windu and isolated him from the Jedis, Uncle Arry experimented on Edel and is apparently the reason why she’s so lonely and can’t trust anyone, save for Hubert and Billy.

But Anakin is called on his bullshit, by Padmé - the one he sacrificed everything for. Confronting his wife, Ani reacts violently and tries to kill her.

(it is never said why “she died in childbirth” apparently she lost the will to live so bar the WTF YOUR CHILDREN ARE YOU GOING TO LET THEM ALONE BECAUSE YOU DON’T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE??? - I think it’s pretty implied that when Anakin tried to kill her she lost it, she couldn’t save him, she knew he still had “some good left in him” but she knows she isn’t the one able to call to him)

When Ani realises that Padmé and their kid (remember guys, those people can sense pregnant women being alive but not two force sensitive babies inside said pregnant woman, i mean sense a daughter) died he breaks (tries to kill his master?) and becomes the souless husk we see until Luke comes in.

Thing of importance here : Anakin is called on his bullshit.

A certain someone from Fire Emblem’s latest opus is never called on her bullshit, let it be her odd allies, the fact that Kronya used to be a thing, why Jeralt died or the funny experimentations on peasants.

Anakin, angry that his beloved doesn’t react like he planned, kills her (tries to) violently.

He then has to fight his sensei

Billy never tells Edel that nope, Rhea isn’t the Goddess the Church is venerating, the real Goddess lives in their head, or that Edel’s story about Nemesis and the relics is doodoo. Would Edel have reacted violently and tried to kill Billy?

SS plays the scene where sensei has to fight his wayward student as a tragic thing but there is nothing on par with Obi-Wan and Ani’s duel on Mustafa. We’ve seen Obi-Wan raise, as much as he could do, Anakin, who was naught but a brat. We saw them spend time, do missions etc, together. Even share jokes!

Anakin tried to killed Obi-wan, and all of his former allies (the Jedis). He managed to kill (he and Sidious) a crapton of them (even babies!) but the one in front of him he has to kill is his father figure, his mentor.

When Ani “I 8 U” memetic words are heard it’s a parallel to Obi-Wan’s “I thought of you as my brother” “I loved you” - there is no returning point here. Kenobi’s torn - Anakin became their enemy and he dealt with him accordingly (alway being on the defensive and severing his legs after warning him that it was useless to continue) but still showed sadness.

Billy? Is shown to be sad?? But why? Where is the weight? They spend (in SS?) a year together?

Sadly Billy also spent a year with Bernie’n’co and Edel tried to kill them. Was he closer to Edel than to Bernie’n’co? Nothing prevents Billy from reaching supports with the other BE students - so if Edel confessing her torture to Billy could be seen as that big thing for her, why should it be different than, say, Bernie confessing that her dad wanted to make her a good wife, Dorothea more or less confessing that she used her talents to get a place in the academy or Ferdie’s insecurities about being the eldest son of House Aegir?

“But Rhea is an evil baby-eating monster; the church lied to everyone”

Note that Obi-Wan never says that Anakin’s distrust with the Jedi Council is unfounded (during episode III iirc) or that he’s plain wrong.

Obi-Wan considers Anakin dead because he tried to kill Padmé, because he fell to the Dark Side, and because he effing cut babies (i don’t even know if Obi Wan knew about Ani’s role in Mace Windu’s death).

Just because one party did shit it doesn’t enable you to do way worse shit

Morale (one of them?) is that I don’t know Star Wars universe like I pretend to know FE.

But if there is one thing I loved in Episode III and in the subsequent episodes (4 5 6 and even 7 where Ben’s entirely wrong about grandpapa) is that while Darth’s story is a sad story (Palpatine manipulated him), he found his redemption doing the only thing he could, at the cost of his life - saving Luke and embracing his Jedi persona.

And yet, does it absolves Ani of everything he did? Hell no!

Anakin-Darth dies. He doesn’t get to live a fruitful life with his son (and daughter he only discovered in the last minutes of his life despite having meet her earlier), he dies.

Pilling on all of the shit he did deprived him of living the perfect life he envisaged with his wife and Luke (maybe Leia if we insist).

He might not be alone when he dies, he still dies as the empty husk of what he used to be and what he had been for years.

Ani lost everything, but in the end, thanks to his son, he found his jedi pride/self or something like that.

Edel? Doesn’t face consequences of her shit.

So no Sensei trying to kill her, or if Sensei does it’s painted as a tragedy for reasons we don’t really know because, hey, Sensei is also the Sensei of the other BE - there’s no special Edel exclusive bond with Sensei (and no as i said earlier, revealing her tragic backstory in supports doesn’t count, because Bernie and Ferdie did the same thing).

Edel doesn’t lose Sensei, since the loli in Sensei’s head doesn’t see anything wrong with her daughter having been turned into minced meat due to her race and fuses with Billy or some other shit to explain why Sensei’s defective - since birth - hearth suddenly starts beating (is it the moment where Billy realises that shit, without Rhea i’d be a dead baby in the end i owe my life to her?)

Since Edel never loses anything of importance, Edel never learns.

When Edel threatens her nuncle it’s funny, when Anaking turns against Sidious (after having watched the prequels) it’s satisfying and cathartic - finally, Sidious who used to dispose of his minions right and left tastes his own medicine as in, he who betrays must expect some sort of betrayal.

Edel gets to live with her significant other even when she wanted to kill Billy (in the tomb and with the “we don’t need gods anymore” “i’m the vessel of god she kind of fused with me do you mean you don’t need me anymore??” but the last one is never adressed in the game :p) when Anakin has to live with the (distorted) fact that he killed Padmé.

They still share some loltastic moments.

When Ani argues to Windu that Palpatine can’t be executed without a trial, Windu says fig it.

But Anakin never gave a fair trial to count Dooku or to the Tusken Riders he rekt a long time ago (in episode 2)...

TFW due process only concerns senators...

Tl; Dr : Even Anakin, in all of his pear-slicing glory is a better written character than Edel.

[hcneymilkks]

ONEUS Ravn ‘TFW you wake up in a pumpkin’

NOTE: just a little drabble from an idea from my friend....it was supposed to be spooky or horror-themed but it turned out to be stupid lmao but I hope you guys enjoy it. Also, I've been getting into ONEUS lately and Ravn is my bias, we getting attacked here ughhhhh.

ONTO THE STORY.

MASTERLIST 

"Come get your pumpkins here! The perfect size, the right canvas to create art, smooth to carve."

You scoffed as if a pumpkin was smooth to carve. Years and years of injuries, tools breaking and not one pumpkin carving caught up to your standards. You were even an art major for goodness sakes.

Pulling your scarf tighter as a cold breeze came through, you knocked on a pumpkin. Not sure if picking a pumpkin was the same as picking a watermelon. But you shrugged and continued on looking.

The neighbourhood you lived in took Halloween as an actual holiday, decorating with the newest (and scariest) knickknacks, giving the king-size candy bars (which you didn't mind so much when you took your younger sibling trick or treating). But what threw you off the most was how some of them found huge pumpkins. You for sure assumed there was some science behind it. A mad scientist combining chemicals to biologically alter a pumpkin's DNA to make it grow bigger.

The bigger the pumpkin, the more exposure you get. Journalists would pass by, filing through the appearance of each house until one of them caught their eye. The result? Bragging rights of the owners for the rest of the year and a trophy.

Your house never won, not that you minded though.

But the curiosity was too much and you yourself just had to figure out just where the pumpkins were bought.

_________________

"Ravn, you've seen the pumpkins that are in my neighbourhood. Surely you guys sell large ones like those right?" You spun around in your chair, hearing the laugh of your best friend on the other end of the receiver.

"I mean I've seen some like those size but they are always bought right away. Some customers saying that the bigger the pumpkin, the better the seeds are or like how they can use it for pumpkin soup or I don't know. Just why are you so interested?"

"Just curious that's all." You switched your attention to your computer, typing a few words into the search engine and clicking on an article from last year.

'2018 WINNER OF THE SPOOPY AWARDS'

"Sure Y/N. Remember, curiosity killed the cat so I don't need you dying on me."

"Shut up you bird, bye you're really useless." and the call was ended.

You scoffed at the photo in the article, remembering how you couldn't get into the garage of your own home because there were what felt like ten journalists and newscasters trying to get a glance or their question answered by your next-door neighbour. All of that effort for a pumpkin bigger than the usual that year. That time could have been used on gathering statistics to create articles on how much the crime rate has gone up, but whatever. What got you curious once more was the link to the official rules of the competition, since when was there one anyways? Nevertheless, you clicked on it wanting to know just how far people can go.

'OFFICIAL RULES OF THE SPOOPY AWARDS'

NO STEALING OTHER'S DECORATIONS

MUST BE CREATIVE AND "OUT OF THIS UNIVERSE"

NO USING REAL PEOPLE AS DECORATIONS

NO ACTIVITIES OR DECORATIONS THAT MAY CAUSE INJURY TO THE ONLOOKER OR TRICK OR TREATER

PUMPKINS ARE A MUST - THE BIGGER THE PUMPKIN THE MORE POINTS AWARDED

'ALL RULES MUST BE FOLLOWED. FAILURE WILL RESULT IN ELIMINATION AND POLICE (IF RULE NUMBER THREE IS VIOLATED).'

"Well I mean it didn't say anything about if the pumpkin needs to be real or not."

________________

"You want to what now?" Ravn looked at you with a confused expression etched onto his features.

You flicked his forehead. "You're seriously so stupid you know that? I said help me buy an inflatable pumpkin, one that I can actually live in."

A few more days before Halloween and you still haven't found a pumpkin. I guess you can admit that you wanted to join the competition this year. And what way to introduce yourself into it is by having the world's biggest (or close to) inflatable pumpkin.

Ravn organized the condiments in the correct order, brand and size, questioning why he's friends with you. "Y/N that sounds a little extreme but let's say you actually wanted to get an inflatable pumpkin that you could live in....how big would it be?"

You trailed behind him, admiring how he can organize and not get bored of it. "Um....like half of my house's height or 6 feet tall?"

"You really....my god Y/N you seriously want to do this?"

You nod. "It would be cool I guess."

Ravn sighs and looks at her. He rolls his eyes but smiles. "You're crazy, but count me in."

_______________

Searching for the perfect inflatable pumpkin was one of the worst experiences ever. Both you and Ravn couldn't choose if a witch hat was needed or not. In the end, it was decided that an inflatable pumpkin with a witch hat could work.

Was this a dumb decision? Yes.

Did you care at all? No.

Within two days of ordering, the package arrived (courtesy of Amazon prime) and the inflating began. The original plan was to let it inflate, then pack all the necessary things from your room and watch Netflix.

But Ravn being Ravn and you being best friends with an extrovert, he decided to drag you along to a party that Keonhee was throwing.

"You're not missing out on this party. Plus, the pumpkin will take hours to inflate and it will still be there when we come back. Let's just have fun."

Yes. Let's drag you away from your safe place he said. It will be fun he said.

Oh boy was Ravn wrong.

____________________

"Where the hell did Y/N go?"

Keonhee's house became more packed as the night went on. The stench of sweat mixing with alcohol was enough to make a sober person puke. Without you, by his side, all the girls came up to him and tried to flirt, more like tried to take his shirt off. A specific person was always on his mind instead.

As for you? Well, he just didn't know where you were.

A few hours into the party and Ravn knew the punch was spiked. He knew how much you hated drinking but when he saw you trying to dance, he knew you were gone.

"Ravn! Let's dance!" You in your drunken state held onto who you hoped was Ravn's hand and brought him to the dance floor created by pushing the sofa's to the four corners of the room. You swung your hips from side to side and Ravn couldn't help but smile. Although you hated alcohol, it brought out the reckless but still conservative side of you. He took a few pictures and decided to call it a night, wanting to protect you from doing anything stupid.

Knocked out from the party, you curled up in Ravn's arms as he carried you inside the inflatable pumpkin and laid you down on the many blankets there. Too tired to drive home, he kissed your forehead and closed his eyes.

_________________

A pounding headache.

A dry throat.

Feeling all sticky from what you hoped was sweat.

And not knowing where you are.

You scream, as you are inside something that's orange but don't know what it is and why.

You also scream at the fact that Ravn is beside you and hoped to God you guys didn't do anything.

Ravn groaned and opened his eyes. As you were about to speak, a water bottle was thrown at your face.

"Stop screaming sis. It's so early in the morning."

You chugged the water, thankful for your annoying sibling at this time of need.

"Okay, but where are we?"

Your sibling groaned.

Ravn groaned. "You're in an inflatable pumpkin stupid. This was your idea."

[life-love-geekculture]

SPN 14x20: a few (i.e. many) thoughts

Writers lie.

But, they lie in order to tell a greater truth.

At least, that’s how the proverbial wisdom goes anyway. After this episode, however, I’m not entirely sure I know what Chuck’s truth is supposed to be.

“Endings are hard. Any chapped-ass monkey with a keyboard can poop out a beginning, but endings are impossible.”

That’s my all time favorite quote from the series. Along with the addendum endings are a raging pain in the ass. Ever since his introduction, I’ve always felt an affinity for Chuck’s character. He’s a writer. So am I. He vocalized a not insignificant part of that experience. Reconciling the pain characters you create and love have to go through to get them from point A to point B. The difficulty in wrapping up a story. Hell, critics. It’s one of the reasons Metatron always drove me a bit nuts during his play at godhood. All of the technique, but none of the artistry.

I guess what I’m trying to get at is Chuck’s turn to villiany hurts a little. It’s brilliant beyond all belief, don’t get me wrong! What better way to get across the theme of free will on a meta-narrative level? But within the SPN universe it just feels anti-thetical to the story he’s been “telling”. An honest to god betrayal of it.

Don’t get me wrong. I can buy the avoided apocalypse (the first one at least) was Chuck’s intent all along. He wanted Sam and Dean to choose family. He created free will so it could be used. It plays seemlessly into the parental metaphor they’ve also attached to him. The kids have got to grow up sometime. And part of growing up means cleaning up your messes on your own. Which the Winchesters do...a lot.

This sudden shift in attitude,though, just doesn’t make sense to me. It’s less writing an ending as crumpling the document and throwing it away. If the multi-verse is supposed to represent drafts, then Chuck is the kind of writer who keeps ahold of them because some element in one could make another better (and now bringing all the alt-hunters back make sense on a meta level and my head hurts). The point is, if SPN is his final draft or his favorite why destroy it?The characters’ didn’t do what you wanted ? That’s half the fun of being a writer! The unexpected twists of creation! Inspiration turned to life! It makes no sense.

And so I tried to look at it from the God-angle perspective and it still doesn’t make sense. Chuck doesn’t change. Like he told Lucifer he’s pretty much the same as he’s always been. Yes, there’s the Old Testament’s wrathful side. The fire and brimstone and punishment, but even in the Bible that’s balanced with compassion and forgiveness. There’s the Chuck whose solution has always been: build a bigger box. The one who fought for creation to be born. Not made, born. The one who could be reasoned out of apparent wrath because the point was the lesson (the truth) he was trying to get across. And then I remembered his exchange with Castiel...

Chuck: See this is why people need to lie. It’s good. Keeps the peace, you know?

Castiel: Seems like an odd stance for...you.

Chuck: Is it? I’m a writer. Lying is kinda what we do

Chuck is God’s lie.

That is, it’s the mask he wears to keep the peace. It’s his way of walking away and letting the kids learn (and in many ways blossom) for themselves while still supervising. It’s something Metatron calls him out on when they meet in season 11 to discuss Chuck’s autobiography. Specifically, Metatron notes the emphasis on time spent in the Chuck persona was being used to hide the truth. And, it’s a truth Chuck readily confesses to Sam in the Bunker.

Jack told the universe to stop lying. Chuck comes back immediately in full father-mode. The father who demands obedience over the growth of the children (hello, season 1 & 2 parallels). These are not coincidental. Now, sure Chuck could fix creation, but could he do the same for himself? Evidence suggests...not so much. And, based on the look Billie gives Jack in the Empty, the kid done fucked up something. That was not a happy look.

So where does this leave us?

Well, with a zombie apocalypse in the immediate future and lots of ghosts to deal with next. More importantly, though, it looks like the boys may be on a mission to stop or save God himself. It’s...it’s a hell of a way to go out. The writer in me is very proud.

Before I wrap this up, though, a few thoughts on TFW 2.0:

First, I called it with Dean. Again, not a surprise. As I said, he needs to get to the edge before he can back off from it. That said, this episode wasn’t without some painful moments for him. As some of you may know, I’ve started rewatching and reviewing old episodes of SPN in preparation for the series finale. A bit serendipitous given recent events, but as part of that I rewatched episode 1x03 recently. Dean’s speech about Mary being his hero is so similar in tone to the speech he gives Lucas (the kid with the psychic link to the lake ghost) about his belief in Mary wanting him to be brave. It physically hurt to watch. The facade hiding the pain of Mary’s second death publicly cracking in a way similar to the facade hiding the pain of her first. But it also made me really excited to complete this review series and pull out those hidden parallels. Also, don’t think for a second I won’t point out how much of a nerd Dean really is. I have said it for years and now I feel vindicated!

On a more serious note, I don’t know what to say about Jack. Seeing him dead hurt (the only tears I shed in the finale to be honest). But this season left off with so many unanswered questions. Just how powerful is this kid? What are the Shadow and Billie planning? What is with Halucifer 2.0? How the fuck do souls actually work? And I’m still trying to get my head around his self-prophecy to Cas. A perfect world has always seemed, again, anti-thetical to the point of the story. The power of choice means things can’t be perfect and the only way to bring about perfection is to rob creation of choice. It’s a constant battle the Winchesters have had to fight. I’m cautiously intrigued to see how this storyline is going to be fulfilled.

So let’s talk about Sam. I knew the kid was in a bad place going in to this episode, but...DAMN!

I’m pretty solidly in the camp he wasn’t intending to kill Chuck with that wave of multi-dimensional hoo-haa. Sam’s only ever been that bad of a shot during the trials when he was sick. Still the fact he even tried it...This might be the one thing I can’t forgive Dean for this season. Even when the boys have been at their worst, Dean still allowed Sam to talk.To get his grief out. There’s been no relief since Mary’s death and Sam’s journey has inevitably played into a point I made reviewing Absence(14x18). The boys are used to dealing with death as a matter of consequence, not an accident. Which is why Sam is currently blaming himself for what happened. While it’s true Jack’s storyline for the season contributed towards Mary’s death, it’s something that could have happened regardless of if he had a soul or not. There’s no cosmic choice involved. But add it to the list of things that have gone wrong this season, and it makes sense for Sam to shift the blame to Chuck when he realized he’s been watching and apparently not doing anything (something we’ve known about Chuck for practically forever).

It’s something people do when bad things happen all the time in the real world. Chuck could have been less of an ass explaining why he couldn’t help, but he’s sorta not...wrong. Assuming he didn’t interfere with Jack to kick this mess off (and I hope to God that is not the case), it all goes back to free will. Sometimes bad things just happen. Sometimes Someone makes a stupid mistake in the heat of moment, and you just have to live with the aftermath. That said, I just kind of want to wrap the moose in a bunch of blankets and keep him protected in the Bunker forever and...

And so finally, we come to Cas. My sweet, awesome fucking angel/best dad in the whole universe. Cas wins the whole season! Give him all of the awards! The poor angel has been putting out fire after fire and I love him for it as much as I’m still terrified for him. It does crack me up a little that everyone got so pissed at the boys last episode for the Ma’lak box, and yet Cas is literally thinking of putting Jack in the Cage this episode. Like father, like son I guess. Yet, it’s clear his intention is to save him. Cas isn’t blind to the danger Jack poses, but his aim is to just contain him till a cure can be found. Not a great solution but the only one we have at the moment. And can we talk about that scene in the graveyard! Perfect imagery of a father being strict but compassionate towards his son who screwed up. All of the awards! All of them!

[avalonsilver]

Supernatural questions

SPN Questions Game!

I was tagged by @lovedsammy

Thank you! I appreciate it. Sorry this took so long. It was fun answering the questions though. :-)

1. When did you start watching Supernatural? The night the show first premiered on Sept. 13, 2005 (according to Google). I knew Jensen and Jared from other shows (more recently at that time, Jensen's recurring role on Smallville and then Jared on Gilmore Girls) and was curious. Sci-fi/fantasy is a fav genre for me, so Supernatural seemed right up my alley (the horror/gory aspects sometimes was a little much for me, but the character dynamics keep me watching). I watched the show regularly for the first five seasons. What got me to fall in love with the show was a small scene in the first episode.  (rest under the cut)

That was when Dean answers Sam's belief about Dean doing this alone [find their Dad] with a "Yeah, well, I don't want to." The way this line was delivered by Jensen... it just showed a vulnerability in Dean. It showed what sort of character Dean was -- that he needed, wanted his brother by his side. That moment left me wanting to learn more about Sam and Dean, and I cared about their journey in each episode. After the Season 5 finale, I stopped watching the show regularly. I watched the first few eps of Season 6 I believe, but they failed to hold my interest. Not enough Cas I guess (I loved him in Seasons 4 and 5 and his character development in those two seasons). I randomly watched a few Season 7 episodes when they aired (the one with Charisma Carpenter & James Marsters (7x05) and the Eliot Ness episode (7x12)). I was wondering where Cas was at as I didn't really know then what had happened to him. Finally, about five years later, when Season 13 was airing, I fell back into watching the show. I saw War of the Worlds 13x07 live without much of an idea of what had gone on in the show in the last few years. So I had no idea that Sam and Dean now called this bunker their home. It was certainly an experience watching that episode being pretty confused about things. The mid-season finale/"The Bad Place" really peaked my interest that I should catch up with this show again. Jack got me curious. I ended up watching the Season 13 finale live. 

Over the summer, I binge-watched the seasons I missed post-Season 5. I watched the episodes I missed in Season 13 first. Then I went through Seasons 6, 9, 10 and 11 (still working on Season 12- finished through 12x08). With Seasons 7 & 8, I mainly watched the episodes where Cas appeared (with S7, that made the season go fast for me since he was only in five episodes... I did see 7x03 though because of Colin Ford. He is my favorite version of "young Sam"... and catching up with the show, it was a nice surprise that he returned in Season 7). I am planning to see those S7 & 8 episodes I skipped over-- feel kind of bad for not watching those seasons completely.

2. Who is your favorite in TFW? Castiel -- I looked forward to his scenes back in Seasons 4 and 5. His journey since then has been interesting to watch. While his development in Season 6 was hard to see unfold, I see it as the unfortunate fallout from averting the apocalypse. It was a win that TFW stopped the apocalypse particularly through Sam's sacrifice. But sadly, Cas's desire to prevent Apocalypse Take 2 from happening caused him to go to dark places -- leaving TFW fractured. I think his experience as a human was one of the best things that happened to him-- it really helped him be more compassionate and understanding-- or just really bring out what Cas already had inside him. I still prefer him to be an angel though (I have a weakness for "superpowers"...like the glowy eyes/healing...). But I appreciate that Cas did experience being human and learned something valuable from that.

3. Who is your least favorite in TFW? Dean, although it's hard to choose a least favorite. Each one has their good and bad traits. Dean's harsh treatment of Jack in Season 13 is not something I can brush aside completely. So that's why Dean comes to mind. Dean has gotten better with Jack, true, but his early S13 handling of Jack while Sam pleaded with Dean to give Jack a chance is still hard to forget.

4. Tag your top 5 Supernatural blogs. (I think most everyone has done these questions, so below are just the Supernatural blogs I like checking out) Let’s see… I tag: @hallowedbecastiel, @lovedsammy @flightoftheseraph​, @soluscheese, @castielisourhero, @sastiel-daily, @canonspngifs

5. Who is your favorite character (not including TFW)? Bobby Singer, although I guess he can be considered an honorary member of TFW. I have not seen the episode where he dies (7x10), but I plan to and I know it'll leave me teary-eyed I'm sure. But seeing the episodes where he returns in some capacity (10x17 "Inside Man" -- so much love for that episode, and 11x16 "Safe House") got me really emotional. That letter to Sam in 10x17, and Dean figuring he and Bobby were there at the same time in that house thanks to some time-wimey explanation... it just made me wish Bobby was still alive. He was really like a father to Sam and Dean and it'll certainly be hard to watch those early seasons with Bobby -- knowing now that he's gone. At least he's in Heaven. I want to add Jack too-- even if he is a part of TFW, but technically it's TFW 2.0 for him, so he does sort of count I guess (I'm reaching here, I know, but couldn't resist). Mostly because his character got me curious and led me to watching all of Season 13 and motivating me to finally catch up with the seasons I've missed of the show. Seeing all the crap that Sam had been through with Lucifer post-Season 5 made his willingness to help Jack, Lucifer's son, all the more compelling.

6. Who is your favorite woman in Supernatural? As far as a female character who's currently still alive, Rowena is pretty awesome -- some of her outfits have been gorgeous. And there's the 13x19 scene on the phone where she flirts with Cas --"oh is the handsome angel there with you? Hello, Tweetie Pie." was amusing in how it left Cas a little flustered and off-footed in his response. Considering back at the end of Season 10, Rowena cursed him with that "attack dog" spell causing Cas some considerable misery... it's just so like the show for the pair of them to be sort of chill with one another now. Cas still doesn't quite know how to take flirtations-- it's endearing. Also, due to my summer rewatch, I really enjoyed Meg 2.0's character. I loved her dynamic with Cas and was sad when she died. I love that she saw Cas as "her unicorn." Rachel Miner did a great job with the character of Meg. I'll never forget that moment in 6x10 when Meg made out with Cas.

7. John or Mary? Mary (I haven't seen all of Season 12 and did hear her storyline had its issues, but from what I know about her, I prefer her to John). Watching the 300th episode caused me to warm up to John again. I'm glad Sam and Dean got some closure with him. I think I blame the background music sometimes used during the John moments... it got me all nostalgic and emotional. I enjoyed Mary in Season 13 and being protective of Jack -- to where she decided to stay with him even if it meant needing to leave the camp because AU! Bobby was suspicious of Jack's half-angel status. So I'll stick with Mary on this one.

8. What were your first opinions of Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack? Sam: I thought he was a compelling character. He was like the "regular guy" character at the beginning helping to introduce the audience into the strange world of hunting the supernatural his family was a part of. I took a television course back in college, so this kind of stuff was discussed, bear with me. lol ... as the show went on, it was ironic that he was the one with psychic powers, the demon blood and was the "true vessel" for Lucifer. After playing catch up with the show post-Season 5, I feel so bad for the crap Sam has gone through particularly with Lucifer. It has been a long time for me, so I can't exactly remember my first impression of Sam. After seeing Jared on Gilmore Girls, I think I just automatically decided to find any character he played likable since I generally liked his character on Gilmore Girls. It was sad how badly Sam wanted to live a normal/safe life with Jess in the pilot but that wasn't in the cards for him.

Dean: I found his "devil may care" attitude kind of cool, but as brought up earlier, I liked that he cares about family. That he came to get Sam because he needed him by his side to search for their Dad. Even despite the big fight that was close to John disowning Sam, Dean wanted to make the effort to mend bridges. Dean took the chance that Sam would still care about their Dad's well-being despite the big fight. Or maybe Dean knew that deep down, Sam would agree to help -- as after all, Dean practically raised him so he obviously knew Sam pretty well (even if he didn't quite understand Sam's strong desire to head to university and try for an "normal apple pie life.")

Cas: He was a big part why I was excited for Seasons 4 and 5 when they were airing. Although in retrospect, he didn't really have a lot of scenes in S4 &5. I just ended up being grateful for what we did get back then. I liked how though seemed alien in his first appearance and interaction with Dean, there were hints that Cas did care and wasn't a cold, unfeeling angel. Like I couldn't quite hate him completely for burning out Pamela's eyes even though I wanted to initially. Cas just seemed a little regretful about that, so I could see sparks of opportunity for character growth. I need to rewatch the scene again, but I vaguely recall Cas looked sad/regretful about Pamela's fate. And when he told Dean, "You don't think you deserve to be saved,"-- the way the line was delivered got me even more curious about Cas. Then his end of episode appearance in 4x02 freaked me out a bit because he was intense there. But honestly, during most of that 4x02 scene, I was bothered by his lips being dry/cracked... why I still remember this after all these years, IDEK. Still wish someone had given him some chapstick or something then. lol 

Jack: The first episode I saw him in was the mid-season 13 finale. I was interested in Jack and learning more about him... I'm sure it would have been better if I'd seen those earlier Season 13 episodes to understand Jack better. I really enjoyed how everything went down in 13x09 and how climactic it ended up being. The last shot of Jack in "Apocalypse World" with him looking up at Mary in a cage was a well-done shot. After seeing 13x01, I liked Jack's curiosity about the world and his love of nougat. He seemed like a sweet and caring person and eager to please.

9. What’s your favorite season? Season 1. It was when I first started watching and was just a pretty solid season overall. The cliffhanger was evil, but hell, that really got me on the board to continue with this show. Plus, the memorable lines --"driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole", "hope your apple pie was freakin' worth it!" and I loved the moment of Dean bringing peanut M&Ms as one of his provisions in 1x02 "Wendigo" (and they did prove useful in the end in tracking him down). It's tempting to say a season with Cas too because I like his character. With Cas, probably Season 10 since I enjoyed his interactions with Claire. Also, I love 10x17 so much (just made me miss Bobby and that end montage is an automatic rewatch for me). Although Season 4 was good too with Castiel's introduction. I like how his character developed to the point where he was prepared to fight off archangels to stop the apocalypse. Even if this defied the other angels wanting the apocalypse to come to fruition. Honorary mention to Season 13 mostly for the journey of Sam and Jack's father-son bond. I always love seeing tributes to that bond and the support Jack received from Sam.

10. What’s your least favorite season? Season 7, but then again I haven't seen the entire season yet. From what I saw of the Leviathans, I didn't like them as villains. But Leviathan!Cas was pretty awesome-- he definitely freaked me out for the brief time the Leviathan took him over. Just a shame that the Leviathan after that were just kind of meh... For a season I saw entirely, I'd have to say Season 6. Though Castiel had some great moments in this season (6x20 of course being a highlight), it hurt to see Cas turn against Sam and Dean. Yes, Cas was doing all that to stop Apocalypse 2.0, but I hated that he resorted to breaking Sam's wall (leaving Sam a mess into Season 7). Also, the first half of the season with soulless!Sam was weird to watch... since Sam wasn't himself and knowing that was sad. I enjoyed the episode 6x11 where Dean made a deal with Death to get Sam's soul out of the cage. So yeah, I liked some parts of Season 6, but overall, it's not easy to rewatch knowing this is the unfortunate fallout of averting the apocalypse in Season 5. Back in the day-- for just Seasons 1 through 5, I'd say Season 3...the season had its moments, but it just ranked lowest for me in terms of the first five seasons. Although S3 gets points for one cliffhanger of an ending.

11. Opinions on Destiel? I used to be big on Destiel, or just Dean and Cas's friendship/strong bond in Seasons 4 and 5. Maybe my enthusiasm for them just faded away over time... after catching up with the show recently, my perspective has changed. I can't completely get over Dean's treatment of Cas at the end of Season 7 after he'd taken on Sam's hell trauma leaving him broken and not mentally stable. Dean yelling at Cas more than once was frustrating to see during this time. I just can't get into Dean x Cas as much as before... though Cas sticking around and still being Dean's friend, helping him and Sam out, does speak a lot to Cas's ability to forgive... not to stay angry with Dean after some of the things Dean has said to him and put him through (such as kicking him out of the bunker in 9x03 without any offer of assistance so Cas wouldn't continue to be homeless... I can understand why a lot of people didn't like 9x03).

12. Do you believe Supernatural queerbaits? No. t's nice that Dean can have a solid, meaningful friendship with someone who isn't Sam... so it's good that he has Castiel. But the moments where it seems like it's leading to something more than friendship for Destiel... I think it just shows the strength of their friendship.

13. Seasons 1-7 or 8-14? Seasons 8-14 -- mostly because I liked Cas's character development in the later seasons. That he's more compassionate, maybe more human -- his short time as a human influencing him in a good way for the most part. Even if his angelic powers were diminished in the later seasons. 

I miss his teleporting (I had grown used to the "rustle of wings" sound effect in Seasons 4 and 5), and to learn he'd lost that ability for a few years already by the time of Season 13 -- that was sad to know. Despite that loss, I like that Cas has become more expressive -- like in the 14x12 scene where he's discussing "Rowena's remarkable command of profanity" on the phone to Sam -- The line delivery and his facial expression was on point there.

14. Favorite villain (plot wise)? Crowley. He had some great moments on the show, and it was great to see his journey on the show. From full-on antagonist to sort of being on Team Winchester. I don't like that he killed Meg 2.0 (I miss her :(), but he was a compelling character and it's sad that he's not on the show anymore.

15. Do you think they should end the Lucifer plot line? Yes!

16. Who do you think has gone through more trauma (Sam, Dean, or Cas) Sam. They all have gone through their share of trauma, so it's not easy to just choose one. But Sam has been tortured by Lucifer himself, and still suffers PTSD from that every time he has to deal with Lucifer.

17. What’s your favorite Supernatural episode? 1x12 - "Faith"  -- I have a fondness for some Season 1 episodes. Asylum was another fav for me along with Home and Something Wicked. At the time that “Faith” aired, I was big on hurt!Dean, and this episode delivered. I loved how determined Sam was to save his brother. This was still back when some great classic rock songs were used. The "Don't Fear the Reaper" song playing while Sam and Dean carried out their plan to stop the reaper was pretty epic. And looking back, boy, do I miss those days when iconic songs like that were used on the show. 18. Do you like case episodes? Yes -- I like seeing how the mystery unravels, and finding out who the culprit is in the end.

19. Who do you relate most to in TFW? Sam. Mostly due to his love/appreciation of research. I like to research too and learn new things. Also, he's the younger sibling, which is the same for me. I can relate to his frustration with his dad -- though it was for different reasons, I've felt similarly-- just different personalities and perspectives clashing, I would say.

20. Why do you like Supernatural? I like Supernatural because of the brotherly bond between Sam and Dean. Sam and Dean was what first drew me to the show and I still enjoy seeing the twists and turns they go through -- and I appreciate the moments that strengthen their bond and get emotional and heartbroken when they're divided. At the end of the day, I feel Sam and Dean are the heart and the soul of the show -- my hope for the end of the series is that the brothers' bond is as strong as ever. I would be so sad if they end the show with Sam and Dean at odds with each other-- I have faith the writers wouldn't do this -- it would be hard to watch (like back in 4x21 where they fight each other and go their separate ways... it was painfully heartbreaking to see).   Also, I love Team Free Will -- it's nice that Sam and Dean have Cas now as a long-time friend and confidante. I like Jack and the more recent Team Free Will 2.0 that formed to include him. Though the original Team Free Will is more iconic, I guess, for me since it formed as the apocalypse approached in Season 5. And the name really had a meaning: that Sam, Dean and Cas weren't going to fold and follow what the higher up angels wanted... that their free will mattered more than following their long foretold destinies.

21. If you could bring back one character and kill off another who would they be? I'm torn between bringing Bobby back or Meg 2.0. I'd kill off Lucifer (if he is really woken up in the Empty -- he needs to be put down again. :\). I'd like Kevin Tran to come back. I would be okay with killing off AU! Bobby if we can get the old Bobby back. And Meg 2.0 being brought back would be great-- I miss her interactions with Cas.

[edenial]

11 Questions Tag Game!

Tagged by @helianthus21 thank you dearest! 🙃

THE RULES ARE SIMPLE

1. Post the Rules.
2. Answer the questions given to you.
3. Make 11 questions of your own.
4. Tag 11 people

1. What’s your favorite fictional non-human creature?

Castiel and the Doctor. One’s an angel and one’s an alien, so I guess that’s creature enough right? I can’t choose between them tho pls dont make me.


2. If you could have a superpower, which would you choose?

I would like to have control over brainwaves. I could literally do anything. Next up is controlling water, because I’m in love with it.


3. Team Apocalypse or Bunker Family?

I’m gonna guess Team Apocalypse is tfw and bobby? And the bunker fam is tfw and jack and mary? If so, I’m gonna go with Bunker fam because it didn’t have an awful ending like with bobby (yet). It’s still not ruined.


4. If you could choose one character (canonically dead or not) to appear in Wayward Sisters, who would it be?

C H A R L I E


5. Which SPN characters that haven’t canonically met would you put in a room together?

I’d put John and Cas in a room together. Bet it would be a veeery interesting conversation


6. What comes up in your tags when you type in ‘sam‘, ‘dean’, and ‘cas’?

poor sammy

dean you fucking dork

no wonder cas fell in love look at him

(thats it. thats the show.)


7. What career option would you choose in the Harry Potter universe?

Probably teach. I’d love to follow McGonnagals footsteps shes everything you wanna be tbh.


8. Favorite movie you’ve seen this year?

Hidden Figures or La La Land.


9. Favorite fanfiction you’ve read this year?

I don’t remember titles.. i can tell you exactly what happened in every chapter tho.


10. Favorite fast food?

Asian krispy chicken with orange sauce and noodles.

Or just a good ol Big Mac with extra cheese


11. Modern or Medieval AU?

Medieval AU. The whole point of fiction for me is to get your mind as far away from the real work as you possibly can.

My questions are:

1. Would you rather be allowed to watch only spn for the rest of your life or not be allowed to watch it at all?

2. What do you want from a perfect Pizza?

3. Top 3 Favorite Angels in Fiction.

4. What was your first ship?

5. What was your first “fan” experience with?

6. Gummy bears or chocolate?

7. Whats your go-to takeout coffee?

8. Favorite piece of clothing?

9. The classic TFW FMK.

10. Recommend me a piece of art (music, book, fanfic, painting,...)

11. When were you born? And by that I mean actual weekday of your birth :)

I’m tagging @bend-me-shape-me @hugsforcastiel @assbuttboyfriends @castielsmoon @cas-you-assbutt-dean-needs-you @super-sootica aaand @biggest-gaudiest-patronuses !

[mittensmorgul]

After rewatching the scene between Billie and Sam at the end of the episode Im pretty sure she's going to be a villain and the Winchesters will defy her and Chuck together. What do you think?

Hi there! You know, I think you’re driving on the right highway here...

I remember when we all first started postulating that Billie was Dabb’s in-story avatar, and how it made me, at least, consider the possibility that she was “on our side” as far as the final battle between TFW and The Original Creator went. We saw her scheming with the Shadow and Jack in the Empty at the end of 14.20, and had all summer to wonder what exactly they were cooking up.

All of this was based on the postulation that CHUCK was the s15 ultimate Big Bad of the entire series.

But it’s become clearer and clearer throughout s15 that Chuck himself isn’t the big bad. THE STORY ITSELF is the big bad.

Which, despite her stated goal of taking out the Original Creator for his sins, doesn’t exactly put her on TFW’s side.

I mean, Dabb will literally be ending the story. That is his role as the final showrunner.

So, notice that Dabb’s in-story avatar isn’t actually TFW.

Dabb has set up this Cosmic Battle between Chuck and Billie and Jack, and all the while Sam and Dean are destined to be “messengers of God’s destruction.” Which sounds like a terrible thing to be destined to be...

But remember, THE STORY ITSELF is the big bad, and this is still part of the “cosmic story of Supernatural.” The story isn’t the storyteller, though. Or it doesn’t have to be. Look at Becky, who took Chuck’s creation and made it her own. She transformed the work and made what she wanted to from it, she made the version of the story that brought her happiness and fulfillment. She rewrote her entire life for herself.

For the last 15 years, from Kripke through Dabb and every writer and showrunner in between, people in our universe have been dictating the Winchesters’ lives. In-story, they may only be able to achieve true free will and a happy ending free from cosmic interference, but from the doylist perspective, from the view into their universe from our world, that true free will is Dabb relinquishing control of their lives and handing it back to the characters (or to us, the fans and fandom creators like Becky) to write their own story. The true power of free will is being able to write your own future.

So in that respect, yes, even Dabb and his in-story avatar are part of the season’s Big Bad arc.

And yeah, I think Humanity and Free Will must win out over any sort of cosmic destiny-- either Chuck’s or Billie’s.

Right now, Chuck is trying to destroy his own creation. He’s already destroyed a vast number of alternate universes. Lol at Dabb saying there were gonna be massive numbers of deaths in an interview a while back, because it’s true... everyone in billions of alternate universes has died. RIP that random radio shed clerk...

But... Billie is also an agent of destruction. I mean, she is literally Death. She may want to reap Chuck at the end of all things, but like... won’t that take the rest of the universe with it? Including TFW and even Billie herself? This... seems like the antithesis to everything they’ve been setting up all season long.

And we still don’t know where Amara is in all of this. How much of her is the actual avatar for the emotional engagement of the writers with TFW? After all, she’s been content to let the world keep on doing its thing. She may not have been there since the start, but she loves this creation and has become her best self through her experiences living there. Much like the writers. Much like we want for TFW, right? So I’m really interested to see her part in the rest of the series, too. In a meta sense, yeah, Dabb’s controlling the Big Picture Narrative which by necessity must come to an end by the end of the season, but I think in a lot of ways, Jack has also been an avatar of Dabb and the writers in how he’s reflecting TFW back to themselves to push them toward the end of their own character arcs.

I mean, I’ve been saying since 14.20, in this post I made shortly after that episode aired: https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/184450904185/supernatural-showrunners-as-their-in-story

This is Dabb’s in-story Avatar:

Please note: this is not a picture of just Billie... I very specifically chose this screenshot.

Billie is the Cosmic Story Itself, the Showrunner’s overarching narrative. Jack is the TFW self-insert.

[ztafraternity]

TFW it’s time to leave your collegiate chapter

By Ariel Funke, Contributing Writer (Eta Epsilon Chapter, Mansfield University of Pennsylvania)

I knew this day was coming; I’ve seen it before when other seniors have gone into the alumnae world. Facing the transition is proving to be much more difficult than I had imagined. Graduation is only weeks away and that means I, too, am preparing to transition into the “real world.”

pictured: @unionzta

I never thought I would become so attached to an organization and group of women, but here I am, trying to process all that I feel about leaving my colligate chapter. I am thankful for the journey my chapter has taken me on, I am blessed for the family I have gained, and I am grateful to have found my best friend. My chapter has given me much more than I could have imagined. My sisters have challenged me, supported me and developed me into the person I am today. The experiences I’ve had in the past four years are some of the best memories I carry with me today. I became friends with women who I may have never met if it weren’t for ZTA. I learned to be a better leader and problem solver; I learned things from my chapter that I would have never learned in a classroom. I could go on for days about all that my chapter has done for me because they’re pretty great.

pictured: @texaszetataualpha

I love my chapter and my sisters, and the thought of leaving them breaks my heart. I could complain about leaving, but I’d much rather leave on a positive note. So here it goes.

Sisters, thank you for all that you’ve done for me, for choosing me and opening the world of ZTA to me. I can’t express my gratitude enough for the relationships I have built. I found another place to call home within ZTA and gained the most perfect family line. To my Big Sister, who helped guide me to become the ZTA women I am today and showed me transiting into the alumnae world isn’t as scary as it seems: thank you for being the role model I need! To my Little Sister, who I have shared so many memories with and have had the pleasure of guiding through this life of ZTA: I am so proud of you! To the rest of my family line: I am so happy you are a part of my ZTA journey, and I am so proud of the accomplishments you’ve achieved thus far. To my pledge sisters: thank you for learning to love me and making our New Member Experience one to never forget! I can’t wait to walk across that stage with you in a few weeks! To the current Executive Council: remember you are the leaders of the chapter and therefore the example. I am excited to see you push our chapter to new limits! It won’t always be easy, but I’ll be rooting for you. And finally, to the entire chapter: I hope you all continue to love each other and stick together. Without you all, there would not be a ZTA chapter to call home. Remember always that Love is the greatest of all things.

pictured: @okstatezeta

I am so saddened to be leaving the chapter in a few weeks, but I am proud and humbled to have been a part of it. I am excited for you all to carry forward, and I can’t wait to see where this journey takes all of you. Please don’t forget that I’ll always be there to support you in all your endeavors. Zeta love and mine.

[themessafterthemarty]

20 questions...

I was tagged by: @monstermunch321

Just answer the questions and then tag twenty followers you’d like to get to know better! (In other words: time to get AWKWARDLY PERSONAL) (literally putting this under a Keep Reading because this is so long and you probably don’t care)

Name: Marty

Nickname: Technically Marty is already a nickname but there’s also MartyParty, Martypants, Mørterøl (don’t ask), nerd.... the sad thing is these are all from the same person, we just never refer to each other by name xD (tfw you barely socialize with anyone outside of le BFF @missgoldfishqueen)

Gender: idgaf

Sign: Scorpio

Height: 165 cm (literally gotta Google to convert that to feet, apparently I’m around 5′5″)

Sexual Orientation: idgaf

Hogwarts house: Ravenclaw if you ask anything but the Pottermore test which says I’m Gryffindor

Favourite colour: Indigo or red or anything in between (can ya tell??)

Favourite animal: Got many but any big cat, eventually settled on lynxes as my favourite

Time right now: 23:59 (11:58..... pm?)

Average hours of sleep: 3-4 (go ahead and be concerned, everyone else is)

Cat or dog person: Both are precious but since I’m most likely to get a cat and I’m allergic to dogs I’d have to go cats :P

Favourite fictional character from Harry Potter: I haven’t really thought that much about that but I think maybe Hagrid, actually - if I can’t just go, y’know, the dragons

Number of blankets you sleep with: a duvet, like two blankets and a huge scarf pluss a bunch of stuffed animals and sometimes a onesie

Favourite singer or band: Don’t even ask me this, I’m a massive music nerd and I could make not just a post but an entire tumblr blog dedicated to answering this question For now I’ll say Muse, they’re so varied and amazing I don’t even feel guilty leaving everything else out

Dream trip: I have a few things I want to do that I’ve wanted to do from childhood. This includes going to Austria both for the history and architecture (and Mozart’s house, I’m a Mozart nerd, don’t mind me) but also to go snowboarding in the alps. I want to go to Venice sometime in my life. I’ve already been to Paris but I’d love to go back. Maybe just kind of travelling around France - I mean there’s Alps to snowboard in there, too, and the food is to die for literally everywhere. There’s so much in the world I’d like to experience but to be honest, I think the most important part of any dream trip is who you go with. There are things I’d like to do that would be amazing, even travelling alone, but there’s infinitely many things to experience and any of those things could be your dream trip if you share the experience with the right person or people.

Dream job: Hah, ain’t that the big question. I literally don’t know. I’m too fond of creating things and not fond enough of sticking to one thing, so while it’s cliché to say in the fandom I’m in, I think YouTuber is genuinely my dream job at the moment. This is to say that I’m aiming for online artist, animator, composer, writer, video producer and some weird talk/comedy mix at the same time and YouTube combined with other social media is a very open platform where you can explore multiple fields. TL;DR: I fucked up life and can’t pursue any of my interests fully because I couldn’t decide so I want to combine them all. (In some alternate universe I’ve probably fulfilled my dream job of being a classical composer, but hah, that universe ain’t gonna be this one.)

When was this blog created: According to the little (c) thingie on my blog, sometime in 2011 - aka way too long ago like wow that was right after the first season of Sherlock aired.

When did your blog reach its peak: According to this website I got 225257 notes on 4 posts in 2014, but I refuse to believe that’s accurate - also I didn’t post at all in 2015 so it can hardly be called the same blog. For real my peak was probably this Dan and Phil plays Undertale fan art which got like a few notes for a few days and then underwent the magical “reblogged by dailyphan” treatment and got like 300 notes overnight a month ago, and then it’s come back a few times since then. This, while not being my most noted, was notable to me because it got relatively many notes without ever being reblogged by dailyphan which is a bit magical.

What made you decide to make a tumblr: Hell if I remember, it was like 5-6 years ago, I was a smol bean back then, it wasn’t much of a big deal, everyone had a tumblr. However a more relevant question is why I came back to tumblr and actually started posting this autumn and the answer to that is just that I wanted to be more active online and it keeps me a strange variant of sane to see something I do have any kind of effect on the world, if only it’s a few likes and reblogs. I’m doing something. Now I tag... well not twenty people, wow, I don’t even know that many people with a tumblr. I absolutely-no-pressure-to-even-consider-doing-this-but-I’ve-just-see-your-names-a-lot-and-appreciate-your-existence-and-may-indeed-follow-you tag: @missgoldfishqueen, @british-swimchick, @littledising, @deathwearsflowersinhishair, @tiredofbeingnice123, @laura-sketches, @flyingchocolatebunny-2p, @light-up-heelies, @chellarella

[zeetheus]

So, here’s a recap of the entire situation

From start to finish.

Because, believe me, I had no idea my ban would lead to 2 other completely innocent people getting banned for, essentially, asking staff what happened, and then expressing the desire to talk to them about it.

Not exaggerating.

On May 5th 2017, my Extremely Straight mom was being pushy, asking me about my OCs. For those unaware, the OCs in question are:

A nonwhite nonbinary aromantic bisexual with ASPD

A nonwhite asexual whose romantic orientation is a hashtag Mess, who has depression, anxiety, OCD, and is autistic

The above OCs are in a queerplatonic relationship

(This is important, I promise)

So after escaping to my laptop, I go on Quixol to try and decompress, and start off by expressing my general exhaustion and discomfort. A reasonable person who is part of the staff of a LGBT+ & ND safe server would, hopefully, take that as a disclaimer that I had been through Garbage, and had no energy.

So after having to literally physically escape an uncomfortable discussion with my mom, and after literally telling chat about the situation, I’m directly concern-trolled for calling my queerplatonic OCs, ‘queer’?

Once?

When there’s a perfectly serviceable blacklist on this very server?

(Minor note: I’m aware that Blake’s pronouns are it/its, however, I had typoed ‘pals’ into ‘pal’ & I apologize for that small misunderstanding)

So anyways, that sucked, and dealing with everything that happened that afternoon had destroyed my energy for a week. Clearly staff had made their stance clear, even if I didn’t agree with it.

I decided not to use ‘queer’ on that server, or at the very least not towards anyone who 1) wasn’t queer, and 2) might give me shit for even saying that word, even if I’m not mislabeling anyone. Such as, the staff.

So, I don’t use it.

Flash forward to late November of 2017.

I’m on my twitter, tweeting tweets, which are mostly meant for me, because it’s my gotdamn twitter account. I tweet a lot of junk, RT a lot of fandom garbage, and sometimes, when something triggers me, I try to unpack my abuse.

I’d like to make it clear right now that I never listed my twitter under my Bio (or at the very least, had never intended to. I don’t remember whether or not I put it there, and if I did, my mistake) and have only given my twitter url out once. The only connection my twitter had to Quixol was by following the Quixol twitter.

Over the course of a few weeks I tweeted out some ~*spicy*~ Opinions, which, you’re free to disagree with me about, especially since it’s fucking twitter, which has a character limit, so a lot of my word choice had to be downsized to fit in a fuckin 280 character text box.

On top of that I’m not even a Public LGBTQ+ Wank Persona, so I had no incentive to hash things out step-by-step to my... 10 followers. By all accounts, my tweets are, by their very nature, inconsequential to anyone except my followers.

(My account was not locked at the time, but I understandably later did so)

Anyways, in order:

This one was pretty clearly about Quixol, but I should probably state for the record that I had no idea ‘queer’ in MANY DIFFERENT ITERATIONS had been exhaustively banned from signs, so I had no idea it wasn’t physically possible to properly spell out ‘genderqueer’ without censoring it in some fashion.

Anyways, continuing with my ~*spicy opinions*~

I mentioned before how I was essentially abused by people I trusted for not being acceptably gay. I don’t know how ‘I’m not gay and I don’t need to be, I’m happy with being aro ace’ is a statement so vile that gay people everywhere take immense offense to it, to the point where staff finds it a bannable offense...

By the way, yes, I did get banned for these.

Because days after I was banned, staff approached Vin about my banning, of their own volition.

At the end of the day, Vin had planned to write out an essay, so that they could have a reasonable discussion with staff.

I wasn’t too Thrilled at the prospect of trying to have a discussion with people who intentionally villainized me, took my words out of context, and made the worst possible interpretations out of them, but I supported Vin’s idea.

However, she was in the middle of college finals, and preparing for chanukkah, so she couldn’t get right back around to it for another week.

Note that at this point Vin had not been contacted by staff due to her own behavior, past actions, without even a mention of her tumblr or its content.

THIS IS EXTREMELY CRUCIAL INFORMATION.

IF THEY HAD REASON TO BAN VIN FOR ANYTHING, WHY DID THEY CONTACT VIN ABOUT MY BAN FIRST?

But anyways, let’s cut to 8 days later, because I certainly couldn’t log into Quixol and subsequently do anything.

And in that time, neither could Vin.

I wasn’t surprised at this point. Staff had made it plain and clear to me that if they had a mild enough reason to ban you, they’ll find whatever evidence they need in order to finalize it.

FOUR POSTS, YALL. FOUR POSTS AND SHE GOES FROM ‘ONE OF THE MOST ACTIVE AND BELOVED COMMUNITY MEMBERS’ TO ‘A BONA FIDE THREAT TO PEOPLE ON QUIXOL, WORTH BANNING.’

The four posts in question will be linked later, for now, continuing:

So... it’s not actually about protecting people on the server, it’s about... finding people that agree with your particular flavor of “LGBT+” politics?

R...really?

Where is the actual harm that Vin has done on the server to warrant being banned?

Shit, what about me? What tangible, material harm did my tweets, squirreled away on my own separate twitter, that no one follows me on, do to anyone on the server?

Anyways it doesn’t end here, because in this chain of bullshit, someone else went down trying to ask staff “why for the love of god did you ban Vin?”

Screenshots (Warning, it’s 65 pages long)

All four posts that Vin was banned over are included as well.

But if you’re interested in my personal highlight reel:

ah yes, a non-ace trans woman trying to silence anyone who casts doubt on her decisions to silence queer ace people for having experienced abuse similar to hers, because that’s not some top-tier oppression olympics ‘my pain outweighs yours’ b.s.

remember that time staff literally approached vin of their own volition with screenshots of my tweets at the ready, trying to grill vin about my tweets and whether or not she agreed with them?

where’d that go?

did they suddenly get tired of it after being confronted with other, perfectly average Quixol users, suddenly also questioning their decisions against their will?

funny how vin got to have a discussion about her posts. wonder why they didn’t ever contact me except to ban me

so one of the posts was barely incriminating, but the staff decided to use it against her AS A PSYCHOLOGICAL TEST, and then decided to use it decisively against her after she didn’t give the reaction they wanted from her (again, they mention it as one of the 4 posts she was banned over)

THIS WOULD BE PERFECTLY REASONABLE IF THEY HADN’T BEEN LITERALLY SEARCHING THROUGH HER TUMBLR, DIGGING UP POSTS FROM UP TO TWO YEARS AGO

IT WOULD ALSO BE REASONABLE IF:

I HAD ACTUALLY PUT MY TWITTER URL IN MY BIO, WHICH I’M PRETTY SURE I DID NOT

I HADN’T BEEN BANNED NOT TWO WEEKS AGO FOR EXISTING ADJACENT TO QUIXOL, BARELY IF EVER MENTIONING IT ON TWITTER, NEVER LINKING IT FROM THE SERVER, WHO THE HELL WAS SEARCHING THROUGH MY TWITTER, AND WHY DIDN’T BEAN EVEN MENTION DEFENDING MY RIGHT TO HAVE A SEPARATE TWITTER THAT WAS NOT PUBLICLY LINKED TO QUIXOL!? WHAT!?!

glad to know the rest of the staff also goes full tilt on oppression olympics

still waiting on the part where vin actually said something transmisogynistic or otherwise materially harmful to someone on the server

oh no!! vivian just called a lesbian trans woman transmisogynistic!! clearly if this is the game staff wants to play that means they all needs to either agree to disagree, or realize that peoples’ experiences differ from theirs, and are not something to be weaponized in order to silence people that you disagree with!! what a world!!

tfw staff tokenize themselves before they even make the slightest movement towards ‘people have different experiences besides the ones i have/know about, but we are all here and we should work together and support each other’

are they even really a real LGBT+ server

very clear, very clear distinction here... somewhere? weren’t they just saying that they’re not the same things? so they overlap but are different? uh... and...???

i don’t have a word for ‘white trans women that try to weaponize the transmisogyny that overwhelmingly nonwhite twoc experience in order to silence anyone who questions her ~*authority*~ despite the fact that there is no universal ‘trans woman experience’ that anyone can hold her as an authority AS’...

this is literally the kind of weaponized-suffering authoritarianism people talk about when they deconstruct neoliberalism and ‘oppression olympics’ and the staff all seem to be very involved in it

gee whiz, im no longer wondering why i, a queer aro ace, was banned

bean weaponizing his aceness as the staff’s ‘authority’ on ace matters, instead of, yanno, understanding that vin has had her own experiences, that are different, which leads her to take different stances

especially since bean himself admits he hasn’t faced any problems due to his aceness

lucky him, i guess

“this is the first time we’ve had to really make a ban based on evidence that was off quixol”

fuck you in particular

my tweets weren’t for you or anyone else on Quixol

you and the rest of the staff decided to ban me anyways

and now that you snatched vin in your chain-ban and you have a lot of people who are QUESTIONING YOUR DECISIONS you try and act sympathetic?

if people are reacting like this, and the evidence wasn’t even on the server, why even ban someone?

if you intend to heavily police Quixol users you should maybe fucking say so

that way no one’s suprised

i have intense paranoia issues and the entire fact that YALL WERE STALKING MY TWITTER hasn’t helped in the least

literally here are tweets i made in the same timeframe as my ~*banned tweets*~

like you claim to be protecting users, despite the fact that no one on the server was harmed

and you claim to be inclusive, despite the fact that you silence queer people at every turn

and you claim to be safe for ND people, while causing them anxiety and paranoia

literally what do you even stand for at this point

"we are all trans? we are all gay?”

yeah? and?

you still closet the hell out of queer people?

especially queer people with identities you don’t like?

queer people who literally use the word to describe their OCs in plural since they are neither gay nor trans?

you literally wouldn’t let me use the word ‘queer’ to describe my OCs?

hhhhhhhhhhhhh

oh no!!! queer people exist online

seriously is this an LGBT+ server or some kind of fundie christian camp

also, get a load of all of the 0 times vin and i have called anyone queer without their consent, seeing as the first and only time I used it, i got scolded by staff for it

funny story. as soon as I read this screen i knew why I was actually, really banned

way back up at the top of this post, when i had confronted Blake about the fact that I had just called my OCs ‘queer’

and was told ‘be careful, don’t use that word on people who don’t want it applied to them’

i had already been mislabeled as ‘gay’ numerous times on the server itself, which was triggering for me

after bringing up that particular grievance with staff, using almost the exact same wording as Fritjof, i decided to blacklist ‘gay’ so that i wouldn’t guilt gay people into hiding it from others, while protecting myself

very interesting that the staff doesn’t have the same attitude towards people being able to protect themselves from ‘queer’

it’s almost like the censoring of queer is not for the sake of protecting users... but instead...

Just so we make this clear, ‘queer’ which staff defines as being ‘gay and trans’ (but not queer itself for some reason?) is equivalent to:

triggering thing that must be blacklisted (that’s why the blacklist exists)

nsfw chats in global

literally how do yall say ‘queer means gay and trans’ and equate its use with ‘nsfw’

again... is this an LGBT+ server... or a conservative christian summer camp...

it feels almost... indistinguishable...

yes, that is the admin of an ND & LGBT+ server using the same ‘real world’ rhetoric that anti sj bigots and conservatives make

interestingly enough, it’s also common among bigots in the LGBT community, such as truscum, aphobes, and queerphobes, towards anyone with a ‘special snowflake’ identity that they don’t particularly like or are interested in including

but an ace man can never be acephobic right? he’s an authority on ace issues after all, and so all aces must have his same experiences

/s

pedophilia?? gee whiz i wonder what that post Vin reblogged about ‘people accusing others of pedophilia that weren’t actually pedophilia’ was about. surely it wasn’t about staff, right?

so, recap of bannable offenses here on Quixol Dot Corn:

Have a public twitter, where you tweet opinions that staff disagrees with

Be friends with the above person who was banned, and when you don’t say anything banworthy when they confront you, have a tumblr account with enough questionable posts for them to construct a banworthy offense

Once both of the above have been banned, ask staff about their decisions, and then try to reasonably discuss their ongoing queerphobia

So anyways, if you’re wondering where Zeetheus, Vin_Venture, and Fritjof42 went... that’s pretty much what happened!

Staff has zero intent on protecting their userbase, just policing the hell out of their opinions, to the point where off-Quixol content is considered a bannable offense, and if staff hasn’t made that clear to anyone, I hope this post does.

Queer people are not safe on Quixol

Unacceptably ace people are not safe on Quixol

The vast majority of people under the LGBT+ umbrella that don’t fit under ‘gay and trans’ are not safe on Quixol

People with anxiety, who have experienced stalking paranoia are not safe on Quixol

[thebeatrp]

@thebeatrp is excited to accept Jana as @thepuckerbro (Noah Puckerman), please be sure to follow the steps as listed on the New Member Checklist and welcome to McKinley University, we hope you’ll enjoy your time here!

about the character

name: Noah Puckerman 

face claim: Channing Tatum 

family of origin & birth order: Puckerman & oldest 

age & birthday: 23 & October 7th 

area of study: sports medicine/nutrition; also staff as a security guard 

status: single 

sexual & romantic orientation: pansexual panromantic

ships/antiships: chemistry/forced 

organizations & clubs: delta beta fraternity house 

sports teams: football

the beat user profile

username: thepuckerbro 

short ‘about’ blurb: beast mode activated always, hot af, ambadassador. the name’s puck, trust me you’re gonna wann remember it.

recent updates: (1) noah puckerman changed his profile picture, (2) noah puckerman uploaded a new video, (3) noah puckerman added 6 new buddies, (4) noah puckerman added a 11 new photos to the album #beastmode, (5) noah puckerman updated his status 

recent status’: (1) cheat_meal_0428.png 30 days of clean lean eating completed, now it’s time to fuck up some junk #doyouevenliftbro (2) tfw you bump into a chick you ghosted a week ago #epicswurve (3) clappin it up for little little sister for breaking a dude’s nose #don’tfuckwiththepuckersis #thepuckermanway

headcanons:

(1) grew up in a rough neighborhood and ended up getting into a lot of trouble as a kid. Even did a stint in juvie but once he graduated high school (on time) he decided he wanted to do something with his life, so he worked long and hard to get his juvenile record expunged so he could turn his love of fitness and nutrition into a career. Soon after he started working at McKinley University as a security guard so he could have his education paid for.

(2) is very comfortable with his sexuality, but he’ll be the first to admit he doesn’t go around advertising his attraction to men, since he’s got a stronger preference for women, but truthfully if he’s attracted to you he’s fucking attracted to you. His first experience with a dude was in the frat house and he’d been with trans and non binary folks, he legit does not give a single fuck, he enjoys all shapes, sizes, colors, religions and orientations.

(3) a dream job for him would be either a personal trainer to the stars or some kind of action hero and because of that he does take drama courses as his electives and is finding he wouldn’t hate pulling a double major. At the end of the day he just wants to entertain and while he doesn’t make a job out of upping his rank on the beat he does like seeing his number go up.

ooc information

name/alias: jana 

age, birthday: 26, august 14 

Timezone: est 

expected activity level: i work full time but i try to be around as much as possible, generally night with a bit of a lull on the weekends

[tumblunni]

TFW u failed to meet your regular bodily needs for so long that when you finally piss its physically painful Dear god I'm glad I don't have a prostate Count this as the one and only time I'm grateful for being born in the wrong body! Tho seriously I am not grateful for whatever fuckd up god decided to build me with a brain that shuts down from sensory overload half the damn day. And is somehow able to get that kind of panic attack from a goddamn VIDEOGAME I think that's why I play it so much, I don't zone out cos I'm enjoying myself like with rune factory, its the sort of 'holy shit I lost three hours in the blink of an eye and I'm only compelled to keep going for the sake of a mythical stress relief at the end, and a sense that I'm a failure if I want to put the game down' Its not exactly a mood that makes it easy to win, when I'm degrading down to minimal brain function and sobbing XD This is how I was after that creepy rape imagery in Digimon cyber sleuth, I had no idea I could make myself equally as freaked out just by playing a story less sim about people suffocating. I guess suffocating is one of my biggest fears, huh... I thought I was only scared of swimming but that probably all wires up the same in my brain! Gahhhh this game makes me remember having my face slammed into the carpet with my dad trying to choke me. I blame the new headphones cos they have a bit of weight on them, I think that adds to the subconscious or something :P My forehead is so tense now! It hurts to wear them unless I flip the loopy thing behind my head but then I have to balance it on my chair and also I'm really sweating for some dumb reason and I wanna curl up under a blanket but also stick my head in the fridge God maybe that's a kind of warning games could have: warning may cause sensory overload in autistic people Tho I didn't even realise it could happen until now, seriously! I dunno it'd take a lot of playtestibg to figure out how to predict what would cause problems for different anxiety disorders. But man I wish there was a site where you could leave your own feedback and collect feedback from different disabled people. If I ever finally complete any of my visual novel ideas I wanna make sure there's stuff like this during playtesting! I wanna make all my stuff accessible! And I think its probably an important thing to think about. The podcast Extra Credits called it 'exit points', points where the player feels able to put the game down for the day. It can be bad to have too many of them in the wrong way cos it encourages people to get bored of the game. But also having too much pressure to keep playing can cause problems for moments like this. Especially when it's a scary or depressing game, but even when its like this- a completely story less puzzle sim thing that's merely very frustrating. Most people won't have a sensory overload freakout cos of frustrating stuff, but they'll still enjoy the game less if they play too long and that frustration piles up. So try and have less gameplay/story/interface/etc that makes a game 'un-put-downable', even if it seems like that'd be universally a good thing. Some games don't fit well with that! Its a shame that super difficult roguelike sim strategy whatever's are the genre most likely to have this developer strategy, when its the biggest thing that kills people's love for the game. Well, that and the heavy 'no casuals allowed, my game has to be difficult and clunky and have no form of experience system between reloads lol git gud'. Gittin gud requires practise and I hate the idea that people are just wimps if they don't wanna practise, and any form of actual encouragement to practise or reward for practise or even way of logging your progress in practising is somehow bad to put in your damn game... Gahhhh this is making me think of every bad thing in the genre gahhhh I really need some sort of ice cold drink to cure my headache and like five hours laying on the floor I was gonna make sprites today and now its 8pm gahhhhhh why did I even Turn the game on Okay I'm done now and no matter how many cravings I get to be all 'oh I'm sure if I tried again I could win', I'm not gonna do it Game deleted Need an iced juice Gahbhhh But I might try playing it again like next year or whenever it comes out of beta See if it got better, I guess Gaghhhhhh why am I so weak minded