#texts: cmb.

[ca-dmv-bot]

Customer: THIS PLATE REPRESENTS MY BEING A US ARMY COMBAT MEDIC VETERAN. DMV: CMB=Cash Money Brothers, Urban Dictionary and Google say it is the name of a gang in Brooklyn (Legacy plate) Verdict: DENIED

[thecreaturecodex]

Paramite

Image © deviantArt user Snugglestab, accessed at their gallery here

[Sponsored by @martyslittleusedblog, another creature from the Oddworld games. The series' interest in ecology helps when converting its monsters to give me something to pull from with regards to flavor text. So I'm not just making this up!]

Paramite CR 3 N Magical Beast This eyeless creature’s head is shaped like a hand, with three clawed appendages above its mouth, one on each side, and one below. It walks on four legs, its forelimbs larger and more muscular than its hind limbs, each tipped with a single claw.

Paramites are forest dwelling carnivores found on alien planets. Their ecology is somewhere between that of a giant spider and a hyena—they are social ambush predators that typically hunt in groups. A single paramite is usually a scout for a larger group, and may attempt to lead curious passerby closer to the nest or to an ambush site where more paramites are waiting. Paramites are excellent climbers and fight three-dimensionally, attempting to surround prey from the trees. Their facial appendages are their primary weapon, being used to slash, jab and grab prey in order to crush and tear it apart. They have no teeth in their mouths, instead shredding their victims with their facial appendages before ingesting them.

Paramites are sapient, albeit not very smart. They have their own language, a series of grunts, squeals and clicks, produced both vocally and through rubbing and snapping their fingers together. Paramites lair in the canopies of large trees or in the upper reaches of forest caves. There, they build nests out of webbing; their webs are not sticky, but sturdy and weatherproof, and last long enough to sometimes be utilized by other creatures once the paramites have moved on or died. Paramites do not collect treasure intentionally, but some useful or valuable items may be left as debris in their nests.

Paramite               CR 3 XP 800 N Medium magical beast Init +2; Senses blind, blindsight 30 ft., Perception +6

Defense AC 15, touch 12, flat-footed 13 (+2 Dex, +3 natural) hp 26 (4d10+4) Fort +5, Ref +6, Will +3

Offense Speed 30 ft., climb 30 ft. Melee claw +6 (1d6+3 plus grab) Special Attacks constrict (1d6+3)

Statistics Str 14, Dex 15, Con 13, Int 4, Wis15, Cha 6 Base Atk +4; CMB +6 (+10 grapple); CMD 18 (22 vs. trip) Feats Power Attack, Precise Strike (B), Stealthy Skills Climb +22, Escape Artist +5, Perception +6, Stealth +8 (+12 in forests); Racial Modifiers +16 Climb, +4 Stealth in forests Languages Paramite SQ expert climber, webbing

Ecology Environment warm or temperate forests or underground Organization solitary, pair, pack (3-6) or nest (7-24) Treasure incidental

Special Abilities Blindsight (Ex) A paramite’s blindsight is based on hearing and scent. If it is deafened or in an area of silence, or if it cannot smell, it is treated as having blindsense. If both are true, it is considered to be blind. Expert Climber (Ex) A paramite’s racial bonus to Climb checks is doubled to +16. It can climb on vertical surfaces or ceilings as if under the effects of a spider climb spell. Webbing (Ex) Although a paramite’s webs are not sticky, they can be used to build structures. In addition, as long as a paramite starts a fall from a solid surface, it is treated as being under the effects of a non-magical feather fall spell, as it uses a tether to lower itself to the ground.

[soylent-crocodile]

Hagsfiend (Monster)

(Art by Richard Cowdrey)

(The genre of animal fiction is a famed and storied one, and one that was important to me growing up. I read Warriors, and that still has a thriving fandom, but I also read a series called Guardians of Ga'Hoole, which was about owls and had a more fully fantastical setting. Short of a 2010 movie by Zach Snyder, I've seen very little attention given to it.

Hagsfiends are magical monsters that are extinct in the "modern" day of the series, but dangerous threats in the main book. They appear to be both mortal beings and also what owls turn into when they go to Owl Hell. I'm statting them up as the former, but I gave a little nod to this in the flavor text.

One last note, the book cover this image is from caught my father's eye years ago, and him buying that book for me is what got me reading Ga'Hoole. So thanks, hagsfeinds.)

Hagsfiend are condor-sized black birds born of, and infused with, negative energy and witchcraft. They are chittering, raucous animals who have a penchant for cruelty and greed, and a particular fascination with creatures weaker than them. Hagsfiend feathers lack the sleek, oily sheen of natural birds, and are often in disarray, giving them the look of something dead or dying. They have a similar look when walking, often having an awkward hopping shuffle to their movement. In the air, though, they are powerful fliers, capable of hunting and killing even an eagle. 

Hagsfiend are sometimes called “crowl” and conjectured to be a dark hybrid of the two; indeed, with their flat faces, black feathers, and combination of hunting and scavenging, they appear to be a sort of in-between. Either bird, when suffused with enough evil magic and negative energy, can transform into a hagsfiend, which appears to be the true origin of these creatures, which now breed true.

Hagsfiend are often found in the employ of dark witches and clerics of evil gods; there, they are typically loyal believers in the cause of some great evil, happy to take part in the violence and pain inflicted on the world. They often form such cults themselves, great rookeries nestled in the heart of dark forests and inland swamps. In such an environment they thrive, and many hagsfiend there advance in level as witches, alchemists, or oracles. Hagsfiend are even known to reside in hell, preferring its icy or citybound layers. 

An evil spellcaster of level 7 or higher can take a hagsfiend as a familiar with the feat Improved Familiar.

This black bird is larger than an eagle, with tattered black feathers and piercing yellow eyes.

Misc- CR2 NE Small Magical Beast HD3 Init:+2 Senses: Perception:+8, Darkvision 60ft Stats- Str:12(+1) Dex:14(+2) Con:9(-1) Int:14(+2) Wis:8(-1) Cha:14(+2) BAB:+3 Space:2.5ft Reach:0ft Defense- HP:16(3d10) AC:15(+2 Dex, +2 Natural, +1 Size) Fort:+2 Ref:+5 Will:+2 CMD:15 Immunity: Cold Weakness: Weak to Saltwater Special Defenses: Negative Energy Affinity, DR2/salt Offense- 2 Claw +5(1d3+1 plus 1 bleed) CMB:+3 Speed:20ft, Fly 40ft (Good) Special Attacks: Bleed Feats- Toughness, Iron Will Skills- Fly +12, Knowledge (Religion) +5, Perception +8 Spell-like Abilities- (Caster level 3, Concentration +5) Color Spray (DC13) /at-will Special Qualities- Change Shape (An owl, Beast Shape II) Ecology- Environment- Forests (Cold) Languages- Common, Infernal Organization- Flock (2-8) Treasure- Standard Special Abilities- Weak to Saltwater (Ex)- A hagsfiend that gets saltwater on its feathers is unable to fly and loses its immunity to cold until it spends a full minute preening.

[101emo]

Shorthand: 101 What does that mean? Are they just letters?

Once again, emo culture being born into the early 2000s, shorthand texting was popular- who has time to click on the keypad for each letter when you could do about three instead?

You defiantly know the classic 'OMG' and 'LOL', but do you know them all and what they mean?

Below is an in depth chart showing what shorthand letters mean what phrase, modern or not; (This entry does contain swearing.)

───────────────────────

AFAIK: As far as I know. "AFAIK? He's right."

AF: As fuck. "That show was good AF."

AFK: Away from keyboard. "Going AFK for a while."

AKA: Also known as. "AKA an ass."

ATM: At the moment. "Nothing going on ATM."

BB/BBG/BBB: Baby, baby girl, baby boy. "Love you BBG x."

BRB: Be right back. "BRB, dinner."

BTW: By the way. "I know the answers, BTW."

CD9/9: Code 9. "CD9 (When someones at the computer or watching)."

CM/CMP/PCM/CMB: Call me, call me please, please call me, call me back. "CMB later."

DM/DMs/PM: Direct message, direct messages, private messages. "She wanted to PM me."

DW: Dont worry. "DW about it."

ED: Eating Disorder. Please contact the Butterfly Foundation if you're struggling x

FML: Fuck my life. "I failed that test, FML."

FR: For real. "She's cute FR."

FW: Fuck with. "I FW that idea."

FOMO: Fear of missing out. "She's got mad FOMO."

FWB: Friends with benefits. "Nah, we're just FWB right now."

FWIW: For what it's worth. "FWIW, I don't think he's good for you."

GB: Goodbye. "Goodnight, GB!"

GN: Goodnight. "Bye, GN!"

GG: Good game. "GG dude!"

GL/GLHF: Good luck, good luck have fun. "Your game is on? GLHF!"

GOAT: Greatest of all time. "MCR is the GOAT."

GTG: Got to go. "GTG, I'll see you tomorrow!"

GTFO/GTFOOH: Get the fuck out, get the fuck out of here. "GTFO with that normie stuff."

HTH: Hope this helps. "HTH with the homework."

HW: Homework. "Have you got the HW notes?"

ICYMI/ICUMI: In case you missed it. "ICYMI, here are the notes."

HTH: Hope this helps. "HTH with the homework."

IDGAF: I don't give a fuck. "IDGAF if she said that."

IK: I know. "Yeah, IK about last week."

IDK/IDRK: I don't know, I don't really know. "IDRK about history."

IIRC: If I recall/remember correctly. "IIRC, he walks home."

IDC/IDRC: I don't care, I don't really care. "IDC about that."

IMO/IMHO: In my opinion, in my honest opinion. "IMO, she's trashy."

LY/ILY/ILU: Love you, I love you. "ILY baby!"

ILYSM/ILUSM: I love you so much. "ILYSM AAAA!"

IRL: In real life. "IRL he's not that cute."

ISTG: I swear to god, I swear to gosh. "ISTG if she's in my class."

JK,JJ: Just kidding, just joking. "JK! That skirt is a cute blue."

K/KK: Okay. "Meet you there, k?"

KIL/KILK: Keep it low, keep it lowkey. "KILK, he doesn't know about the party."

KMS: Killing myself, kill myself. "If I fail, gonna KMS."

KMST: Killing myself tonight. Please call a helpline number x

KYS: Kill yourself Don't bully people please.. Only friends xD

LTR/L8R: Later. "Call LTR?"

LM/LMU: Lets meet, lets meet up. "LMU at the mall later?"

LMK: Let me know. "LMK what happens on Friday."

LOL: Laugh out loud, laughing out loud. "That post? LOL!"

LMAO: Laughing my ass off. "Stop. LMAO!"

NM/NDM: Not much, not doing much. "NDM tonight."

NP: No problem. "NP for the notes!"

NW: No way, no worries. (depends on context for this one). "NW that actually happened."

OC: Of course. "OC I heard it."

OG: Original, on god. (depends on context for this one). "That copy was OG."

OIS/OIC: Oh I see. "OIS, you like her now?"

OMG: Oh my god, oh my gosh. "OMG! I'm dying!"

ORLY/OR: Oh really? "ORLY? He said that?"

OTP/OTP: On the phone, one true pair. (depends on context for this one). "Him and her? OTP for sure."

POS: Piece of shit. "He's a POS for that."

PPL: People. "Yeah, PPL heard that."

QT: Cute, cutie. "He's such a QT."

RN: Right now. "Wanna play RN?"

RLLY: Really. "You RLLY gonna believe that?"

R: Are. "R you gonna be there?"

RU: Are you. "RU coming to school tomorrow?"

RUS: Are you serious. "RUS? She said that?"

ROTF/ROTFL: Rolling on the floor, rolling on the floor laughing. "ROTFL! That face!"

SMH: Shaking my head. "SMH, she can't do that."

SRSLY/SRS: Seriously, serious. "Are you SRS?"

SSDD/SSDS: Same story- different day, same story- different shit. "You know school. SSDS."

SH: Self harm. Please call a helpline number x

STFU: Shut the fuck up. "STFU, no one likes that."

SYS/SYT: See you soon, see you shortly, see you tomorrow. "Okay! SYS!"

TBC/TBH: To be clear, to be honest. "TBH, she sucks."

THX: Thanks. "THX for today!"

TMI: Too much information. "Woah, TMI."

TN: Tonight. "What you doing TN?"

TFW/MFW: That face when, that feeling when, my face when, my feeling when. "MFW he wears sweatpants."

TTYL: Talk to you layer. "I have to go to sleep, TTYL!"

U: You. "U can't be serious."

UR: You're, your. "You left UR sweater here."

WB: Welcome back. "WB! How was dinner?"

WBY/WBU: What about you. "WBU? I like red."

WTF/WTH: What the fuck, what the hell. "WTF was that about?"

YOLO: You only live once. "I'm going out, YOLO!"

YW: You're welcome. "YW for the advice!"

───────────────────────

Follow for more x Updates every week, Tuesday and Thursday. 6:30pm GMT +11.

[pathfinderunlocked]

Gargantuan Linkserpent - CR11 Kyton

If you hear a chain rattling and feel the ground rumbling, it’s too late to run.

Image generated on Artflow.ai.

I normally do my best to find an artist to showcase with each post.  For this one, though, I had an idea and couldn’t find any real artwork that was even remotely close, sorry.  It bothers me enough that I don’t think I’ll do it again.   It kind of makes sense, though, considering that the monster creates illusionary terrain that you could very easily flavor as looking like an AI-generated image.

This is a lower level version of a CR14 creature I made some time back, the Colossal Linkserpent. As the name implies, this weaker version is one size category smaller. If your adventure is a few levels lower, it might be more appropriate.

In the Shadow Plane, it’s perhaps fortunate at times that distances between location are fluid and long distance travel is somewhat dreamlike, because that leaves an infinite amount of space for the Gargantuan and Colossal Linkserpents to roam.  They never seem to reach settlements, but in the bleak and lifeless wilderness, Linkserpents hunt down travelers and torment them.  They are capable of causing a traveler’s journey in the Shadow Plane to stretch out endlessly by circling around them beneath the ground.

A relatively small number of these creatures are believed to exist - maybe a hundred or fewer in the world, although it’s impossible to tell for sure.  The animal-like intelligence of a Gargantuan Linkserpent is unusual among kytons, but this creature enjoys inflicting pain and torment just as much as the more intelligent kytons with humanoid appearances.

Unlike many kytons which wear the chains that were used to bind or torture them, a Garguantuan Linkserpent’s entire body except for its head is made of a great number of living metallic chains, which were given life and melded together by other kytons after being used to bind or torture other creatures. The difference between a Gargantuan Linkserpent and a Colossal Linkserpent is simply how many chains the kytons are able to gather when creating it.

Gargantuan Linkserpent - CR 11

Made of interwoven metallic chains stretching more than 30 feet long, this enormous serpent-like creature bursts from the ground with a rattling sound.

XP 12,800 LE Gargantuan outsider (evil, extraplanar, kyton, lawful) Init +3 Senses darkvision 60 ft., tremorsense 1 mile; Perception +15 Aura stretch terrain (120 ft.)

DEFENSE

AC 23, touch 9, flat-footed 20 (+3 Dex, +14 natural, -4 size) hp 138 (12d10+72); regeneration 5 (good weapons and spells, silver weapons) Fort +14, Ref +11, Will +8 DR 10/silver or good Immune cold SR 21

OFFENSE

Speed 40 ft., burrow 40 ft. Melee bite +18 (3d6+15) Ranged molten steel spit +11 touch (4d8 fire plus hardened steel, 30 ft. range increment, see text) Space 30 ft.; Reach 30 ft. Special Attacks constrict (4d6+21), enwrap, unnerving gaze (30 ft.; DC 16)

STATISTICS

Str 31, Dex 16, Con 22, Int 1, Wis 18, Cha 8 Base Atk +12; CMB +26; CMD 39 (cannot be tripped) Feats All-Consuming Swing, Cleave, Great Cleave, Improved Vital Strike, Power Attack, Vital Strike Skills Climb +20, Perception +15 Languages None

SPECIAL ABILITIES

Enwrap (Ex) As a standard action, a gargantuan linkserpent can coil its body around a creature at least two size categories smaller than itself, attempting to hold it in place.  This functions as a grapple combat maneuever, and provokes an attack of opportunity, except that if successful, the gargantuan linkserpent can maintain the grapple as a move action each round and can continue to make bite attacks.  A creature grappled in this way is moved into the center of the gargantuan linkserpent’s space, instead of adjacent to it as normal for a grapple.

Molten Steel Spit (Ex) As a standard action, a gargantuan linkserpent can spit a glob of molten steel.  This is a ranged touch attack with a range increment of 30 feet which deals 4d8 fire damage.  A target struck by this attack is entangled, and its weight increases by 120 lbs.  Both the entangled condition and the additional weight last until the target removes the steel, which immediately hardens around the target.

A flying target struck by this attack must succeed on a DC 25 Fly check or immediately plummet, and takes an additional -10 penalty on Fly checks on top of any penalty it takes from the added weight.

The hardened steel has 10 hardness and 30 hit points, and can be removed by dealing enough slashing, piercing, bludgeoning, acid, fire, or force damage to break it apart or melt it.  Acid or fire attacks against the hardened steel also damage the entangled creature.

Stretch Terrain (Su) As a free action, while in an area of natural terrain on the Shadow Plane, a gargantuan linkserpent can cause creatures within 120 feet to be unable to escape a 120 foot radius around the gargantuan linkserpent.  Creatures and objects which attempt to move further than this distance away seem to be moving, but their distance from the gargantuan linkserpent never increases to further than 120 feet.  Even teleportation effects are unable to move further than this distance, although plane shifting works normally.

A gargantuan linkserpent must be able to take a free action each round to maintain this aura.  The aura ends at the end of the gargantuan linkserpent’s turn if it is helpless or otherwise unable to act.

Unnerving Gaze (Ex) A creature that succumbs to an gargantuan linkserpent’s unnerving gaze has all of its movement speeds reduced to 0 for 1 round as it imagines being strangled in the coiled chains of the linkserpent’s body.  This gaze effect has a range of 30 feet and is negated by a DC 16 Will save.  The save DC is Charisma-based.

[statsbot]

Living Armor (Dunmeshi)

Below are three statblocks for Living Armors in the style of Dungeon Meshi - colonial mollusks living in between the plates of suits of armor.

AD&D/OSR

Pathfinder

D&D 5e

Full text under the Read More

AD&D/OSR:

In the shadowed corners of forsaken ruins and rust-eaten dungeons, the clatter of metal hints at a menace unlike any other. Behold the colonial mollusks, a curious form of life that thrives unseen within the hollows of abandoned armor. Individually, they are but soft-bodied creatures, seeking refuge within iron shells. Yet together, they achieve a bizarre unity of purpose, moving the armor as if it were their own body. The elder colonies, more ambitious and adorned, shift into grander armaments, echoing the vanity of hermit crabs in their endless quest for the perfect shell. With clusters of their kind nestled in helms to serve as scouts and sentries, they seem nothing more than empty suits of armor, save for the rare, ghastly glimpse of a tentacle through a visor. Woe betide the unwary adventurer who trespasses during their mating season, for the living armor, normally docile, turns fiercely protective of its nascent brood. STATBLOCK Living Armor (Colonial Mollusk)

Armor Class: 2 (due to the hard metal armor)

Hit Points: 5d8 (individual mollusks within have 1 hp each, but damaging them requires piercing the armor)

Movement: 20' (6')

Attack: 1 weapon attack (by weapon type, typically 1d8 for a sword)

Damage: By weapon type

Special Attacks: None

Special Defenses: Regeneration – Any "killed" armor piece regenerates in 3d4 rounds as mollusks pull it back together. True death only comes if all mollusks are killed or armor is completely destroyed.

Magic Resistance: Standard

Size: M (6'+ tall)

Alignment: Neutral

Intelligence: Animal (cluster intelligence when acting as a colony)

Pathfinder:

In the derelict halls of forgotten crypts, adventurers whisper of armor that moves of its own volition, clanking and grinding with the eerie echo of non-life. Yet, within these metallic shells are not spirits nor necromantic energies, but a clever congregation of colonial mollusks, thriving unseen. The Mollusk Armor, as it's known by those few who've peered beneath its guise, is an ecology unto itself—a symbiotic assembly of creatures that have found unity in animating the empty husks of warriors long gone. The eldest of these colonies sport grotesque, calcareous growths, a grim heraldry only nature could craft.

STATBLOCK Mollusk Armor N Medium vermin (colony) Init +0; Senses darkvision 60 ft.; Perception +0

DEFENSE AC 20, touch 10, flat-footed 20 (+10 natural, armor varies) hp 45 (7d8+14) Fort +7, Ref +2, Will +2 Defensive Abilities: Armor Reformation, All-Around Vision; DR 5/slashing; Immune mind-affecting effects

OFFENSE Speed 20 ft. Melee Weapon Attack (e.g., longsword) +8 (1d8+3/19-20), Slam +3 (1d6+1) Space 5 ft.; Reach 5 ft.

STATISTICS Str 16, Dex 10, Con 14, Int —, Wis 10, Cha 1 Base Atk +5; CMB +8; CMD 18

SPECIAL ABILITIES Armor Reformation (Ex): When a Mollusk Armor is reduced to 0 hit points, the mollusks within quickly retreat and begin reassembling their protective shell. After 1d4+1 rounds, the Mollusk Armor re-forms with half its maximum hit points. Destroying the armor or exposing the mollusks to salt water prevents this reformation. All-Around Vision (Ex): The colony's mollusks are well-distributed within the armor, especially in the helmet, giving the Mollusk Armor a 360-degree field of vision. This makes it immune to flanking and sneak attacks.

D&D 5e:

In the twisted corridors of an abandoned citadel, a clanking sound echoes with a rhythm as precise as clockwork. A suit of armor, ornate and bearing the scars of many battles, patrols the area. But within this iron carapace, a colony of intelligent mollusks lurks, controlling the metal shell as one. These creatures, resembling nautiluses with their soft bodies and tentacles, have bound together, forming a collective consciousness that animates the armor. Their helmet-cluster acts as the brain, with the visor serving as their all-seeing eyes. The older the colony, the more grand the armor they command, sometimes adorned with intimidating spikes or gilded edges. Beware the mating season, for during these desperate times they will fiercely attack anyone who ventures too close to their hidden brood. STATBLOCKLiving Armor ColonyMedium swarm of Tiny monstrosities (colonial mollusks), unaligned

Armor Class: 18 (plate armor)

Hit Points: 60 (8d8 + 24)

Speed: 25 ft.

| STR | DEX | CON | INT | WIS | CHA | |------|-----|-----|-----|-----|-----| | 16 (+3)| 11 (+0)| 16 (+3)| 3 (-4)| 10 (+0)| 1 (-5)|

Skills: Perception +2

Damage Immunities: poison, psychic; bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing from nonmagical attacks not made with adamantine weapons

Condition Immunities: charmed, frightened, paralyzed, petrified, poisoned

Senses: blindsight 60 ft. (blind beyond this radius), passive Perception 12

Languages: —

Challenge: 5 (1,800 XP)

Traits

Regeneration. The Living Armor regains 10 hit points at the start of its turn. If the Living Armor takes fire damage, this trait doesn't function at the start of the Living Armor's next turn. The Living Armor dies only if it starts its turn with 0 hit points and doesn't regenerate.

Mollusk Vulnerability. When exposed to fire damage, the Living Armor has disadvantage on all saving throws and its Regeneration trait is suppressed for 1d4 rounds.

Immutable Form. The Living Armor is immune to any spell or effect that would alter its form. False Appearance. While the Living Armor remains motionless, it is indistinguishable from a normal suit of armor.

Shell Game. If a piece of the Living Armor is removed or destroyed, the mollusks inside can use their action to reassemble or replace the piece, restoring the Living Armor to its full hit points.

Actions

Multiattack. The Living Armor makes two melee attacks.

Longsword. Melee Weapon Attack: +4 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 8 (1d8 + 2) slashing damage, or 9 (1d10 + 2) slashing damage if used with two hands.

Shield Bash. Melee Weapon Attack: +4 to hit, reach 5 ft., one creature. Hit: 6 (1d8 + 2) bludgeoning damage, and the target must succeed on a DC 12 Strength saving throw or be knocked prone.

[dumplingsjinson]

Back with a REALLLYYYY long ramble about my love life? (Like, when I say really long, I meant it.)

Or... A lack thereof. I don't know, it's confusing; maybe I'm overthinking and maybe he does want to be friends or... he wants more??? Maybe I'm looking into things a bit too deeply BUT THAT'S WHAT I ALWAYS DO AND I’M AFRAID IT'S NEVER GOING TO STOP AHHA.

SO ANYWAYS. Here's the story. 

Prepare for a long ass post lmao, because I'm going the FUCK off again :D So like, if you don’t want to read my bullshit then feel free to skip past onto the next glorious post on your dashboard. 

(The TL;DR is at the very bottom of this post if you can’t be fucked reading the whole thing lmao.)

Okay. 

So. 

I met this dude on CMB (Coffee Meets Bagel). We'll call him... Mixed signals dude. (we’re calling him mixed signals dude because it feels like he wants more with the way he acts, but the words that come out of his makes me feel like… Yeah, no, maybe I’m overthinking this greatly.)

He's pretty nerdy. A homebody. Overreacts to things. Pretty shitty texter but aren't most people? And he doesn't seem to exercise much because we were walking around a lot during our first meet up and he was pretty puffed out after a bit lmao. He's an introvert. He's a bit… Eccentric (and I'm not saying that to belittle him). I'm not pinning any of this against him, though. It just provides a background to what type of person he is. 

Either way, he asks me if I'd like to meet up with him "as friends". I say yeah, sure thing, why not? I mean, I’m here to meet people, after all. 

So we set a date, the day comes, and I meet up with him. He’s waiting for me at the platform my train stops at. We fall into easy conversation the moment I walk up to him and we start talking. I feel at ease with him even though we’ve just met, and my nerves dissipate pretty quickly. 

Funny, because I was literally messaging my friend “Oh God, I’m nervous as fuck” like five minutes before the train arrives at my destination. 

It’s nice, we share laughs, and it isn’t like... Awkward? Maybe a little, but it isn’t as bad as the other times I met up with other dudes. Usually first time hang outs are fairly awkward and sometimes boring, but it didn't feel that way with him. Oh, also, he's also the "ladies first" type of dude, always urging me to walk before him AHAHA. I don't know how to describe it but yeah. 

So anyway, that's all good. We have a good time and get to know each other more. We go home after hanging out for the whole day, he tells me he had a good time, I say I did too.

We talk over text, and about a week or so passes before he asks me out again, so I say sure. It was pretty last minute; we set it up Friday night and then met up Saturday noon. That Saturday, he had planned on studying for his cert for either work or uni, but he comes out to hang with me anyway even though I insist we could do another day if he really couldn’t hang out (he said he didn’t want to study anyway so I was like, okay. We’ll go, then, if you’re sure). 

First half of the "hang out" is pretty normal. We go to an art gallery, then we slowly make our way to the Botanic Gardens, where we kinda stop to rest for a little bit. We’re out here talking and laughing, and when we feel rested up, we make our way to another museum/art gallery. We talk about our dating lives, I tell him about the guys I've talked to, we talk about our personal lives and our families; the lot. We share more laughter, and by this point (and take note because this does become an important point later in the story), I’ve broken the touch barrier with what I’d say is friendly physical contact — light slaps on the shoulder/arm, light pushes, etc. The shit I usually do with my friends in a playful type of manner. 

Keep in mind, at this point, he keeps saying “You can’t find someone on the apps, only friends” etc, etc, so I’m like… Cool. He wants to meet people and become friends, and I’m not opposed to that. I could do with more friends. And I’ve basically adapted the philosophy of “What happens, will happen” and I’m not going to try and force shit. 

So now, here’s the thing: one thing I’ve been noticing during the first meet up and moreso throughout the second meet up, during our walks, he seemed pretty… Protective of me? I don’t know if that’s the right word but like… I’d complain about the sun shining in my face and he’d try to walk beside me to shield me from it. He’d grab me before I crash into things like the clumsy bitch I am. During the first meet up, he was quick to stop me from walking into oncoming traffic because I wasn’t paying attention. Maybe he has quick reflexes, I’m not sure, but I do need someone to kinda check me on my shit sometimes HAHA. 

Anyway, after the museum, we wander around the city for a bit, I buy some Gozleme for us to share (he just started his full time job and his paycheck doesn’t come until like, next week, so he was very thankful about me shouting him food). 

After that, we couldn’t really think of anything else to do so I’m like, “Do you wanna go home and study?” and he’s like, “Nah, I will stay for a bit more. I don’t want you staying alone out here” even though I never suggested I’d be staying out there alone, but I was like, “…Okay”. I found that to be pretty sweet of him, ngl. 

I kinda don’t want to go home either because well… I’m stuck at home a lot these days because I’m still jobless (hopefully that changes soon or so God help me, I’ve been applying and applying and I’m on the brink of losing my shit), when a sudden idea pops into my head. Before I know it, I’m suggesting we go to the movies, and I tell him we could watch Across the Spider-verse (I’ve watched it already but I wanted to watch it again, so might as well) and he’s like sure, because he didn’t wanna go home and study anyway, among other reasons. 

So that works out for the both of us! It’s actually kinda funny that he agreed, because he didn’t watch the first one, but when I ask if he’s sure about this, he says, “Yeah I’m sure.”

(Funny side note: about a day ago, he suggested we watch the first one together on Disney+, via IG call this Saturday but I’m not sure if I’m free then so I’ll probably get back to him about that later.) 

By then, it’s around 5pm? I buy the tickets for us (we get a discount for the cinema’s anniversary or whatever event’s going on, so I only had to pay 9 dollars for a ticket rather than 24 dollars so it’s a huge bargain. Again, he thanks me for that and I’m like — “it’s fine.”). The movie starts at 6:40pm, so we stay at the nearby Starbucks to wait for the movie to start. He shouts me hot chocolate, and he uses that hour to study for his cert because he brought his laptop with him. 

This is where he starts returning the friendly gesture/touches. He hugs me as a way of thanking me for buying the movie tickets and for shouting him food; he pats me on the head and I’m sitting there like wtf; he keeps touching my knee with his hand — like, he would lightly shaking my knee and would let his hand linger there for a few seconds. And like, I’m fine with it, because again — those, in my definition, are friendly gestures, and I was already kind of doing that to him myself earlier on. And I’m feeling comfortable enough with him, so you know. I didn’t mind any of this. And I guess he’s pretty comfy with doing stuff like that, too. 

So ANYWAYYYY, we carry on like this for the next hour. I’m pretty sure I’m distracting him from his studies but he still ends up getting something done, and then we head to the cinema once the time’s up. We sit down, the movie starts, and… It’s fine. 

It’s all good. Nothing’s really happening, at least between us.  

I lean my head on his shoulder like I do with my friends. I’ll be honest, I’ve been wanting to do this the whole day, so I’m like fuck it, why not? 

I literally feel him pause for like a moment — like, he goes still. 

So fucking still.

The first thought that pops into my mind is “this is uncomfy.” Turns out leaning your head on someone’s shoulder when you’re sitting in squishy ass cinema chairs isn’t exactly comfortable, so after like, not even a minute of doing that, I sit up properly and fix my posture. I decide to lean forward; elbows resting on my thighs, upper body leaning forward because that’s usually how I like to sit when leaning back into the seat isn’t doing me any good. 

And uh… THIS is where something a little more significant happens — he kind of just wraps his arm around my waist and literally scoops me back into him (and in my head I’m literally like “so fucking close, holy sHITTTT LNKEFLEKWNFWKLNFKLEWNKLFEWN”), and tells me to rest my head on his shoulder, saying shit like, “Sitting like that isn’t good for your back.” 

LIKE BITCH. HELLO?? THE AUDACITY WLKNFELWKFN. This isn’t my first rodeo, it’s happened before with another guy but THIS GOT ME FEELING MORE NERVOUS RATHER THAN UNCOMFY. Maybe uncomfortable because of the stupid seats but not uncomfortable because of what he’s doing, you feel me? 

So I’m like… Okay? He has his arm still around my waist, quite tight I must say, and I’m just kinda awkwardly resting my head on his shoulder while his arm becomes a backrest for my back (which isn’t really that comfortable, to be honest), and it’s kinda just wedged between my seat and my back. And I can FEEL the sudden nervousness coursing through me, distracting me from the movie, so thank fuck I watched the movie by myself the first time around or I would have missed some parts of the movie (because this isn’t the only thing he does — there’s more). 

Anyway, at one point, I slightly lean away from him because sitting like that isn’t very comfortable. He still has his arm around my waist, although it’s loosened a little by now. 

The movie’s still running, I’m sort of in my own world, because all I’m thinking is SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT, when he kind of starts… rubbing his cheek against my shoulder?? That’s the best way I can describe it lmfao, and my fried writer brain isn’t HELPING.

AND I’M LIKE OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD and that’s when my heart starts beating erratically. LIKE BRUHHH. And then he asks, “Is this too much?” (or he asks “Is this okay?” but I can’t exactly remember which one it is so you’re just gonna have to believe it’s either of them) and ahahahahaAHAHAH…

My dumb fucking ass responds to that with an, “Uh, your arm around my back is a little uncomfortable.” BECAUSE IT’S TRUE, OKAY??? But I’m feeling too awkward to pull away AND I’M ALSO FEELING TOO AWKWARD TO MAKE MYSELF MORE COMFORTABLE BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN I’D HAVE TO LIKE… FIDGET AROUND AND SNUGGLE UP AGAINST HIM TO MAKE MYSELF COMFY AND MY CHICKEN ASS COULDN’T DO IT LKNFEWLKFNEK (even though I wANTED TO UGH. THIS IS THE PROBLEM. I WANTED TO DO THAT SHIT. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME—)

So yeah anyway, aha… He kinda pulls away from me fully, and stays in his seat and doesn’t really lean over again. 

And I’m thinking… Well. Nothing else is going to happen, I guess. 

Cool.

I guess. 

…WELLL, BOI WAS I FUCKING WRONGGGG HAAHAHAH. 

Throughout the rest of the movie, he’d grab onto my arm during the more tense scenes; he’d link arms with me and pull me closer to him; he’d lean against me, head on my shoulder, and I’d just kinda… lean my head on his head at times LMFAOOO (returning the favour HA), and my heart was being a fucking asshole half of the time and beating a hole through my chest and I was like oh gODDDD PLEASE DON’T LET HIM HEAR THIS SHIT PLEASE DON’T LET HIM HEAR THIS SHITTT— 

Anyway. 

He’d pull away when I’m not reacting to his touch, but then he’d come back in for more. Sometimes I’d react by reciprocating, sometimes I won’t. 

There is one point when I felt his fingers brushing against my knuckles while our arms are linked, and I’m ngl, when he was doing all of that stuff prior to this moment, I was thinking OH GODDDDD is he gonna hold my hand is he gonna hold my hand is he gonna hold my hand— AND LO AND BEHOLD, MY THOUGHTS KINDA CAME TRUE. 

AND THE CRAZY THING IS: I WANT TO LET HIM HOLD MY HAND, but my hands are sweaty and disgusting because I’m feeling so fucking nervous for whatever reason, and so I just pull the fuck away before he could hold my hand LMFAOOO 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲 

AGAIN. Not my first rodeo. I’ve had another guy do this (the same dude I was talking about before) but in a much cringier way, and I was definitely not as comfortable with that dude than I was with THIS guy. 

So uh. Yeah. That happens. He kinda leans away after that, and I’m thinking… Hm. He isn’t gonna initiate any more physical contact, is he? But nah. I was proven wrong on that department, once again. He’d grab my arm lightly at times, but I kinda just didn’t react by that point because I’m like…. UH. whAT IF HE TRIES THAT AGAIN AHHH.

Like, don’t get me wrong. I want to hold his hand but ALSOOO PALMS SWEATY KNEES SPAGHETTI FRRRRR. 

But anyway, the movie comes to an end, we get the fuck outta there and I feel relief washing over me because JESUS, that was intense. 

It’s like nearly 9pm at that point, we’ve spent a whole day together and I’m out here feeling a little flustered after all of that. 

He starts apologising profusely, saying he’s sorry, etc, and I keep telling him it’s fine, he’s okay, he’s not a creep (he kept calling himself one). He’s like, “You told me about that guy who was being too much with you and I didn’t want you to think I’m like him” (it’s the other dude I talked about before — the one I felt uncomfy with). And I’m like, “You’re not like him, please don’t worry.” (Because for fucking one, while I was definitely nervous when he pulled me close to him in the first instance, I wasn’t like… uncomfy with it because of him. Like, I would honest to God have stayed like that and let him hold me if the cinema seats weren’t so uncomfortable for leaning against someone LMAO, but oFC HE’S NEVER GONNA KNOW THAT.) 

So we walk out of the cinemas and onto the streets, and there’s this like… Performance going on, with a small crowd surrounding the performer. So, me being a curious little motherfucker, kinda beckons him over, saying, “Let’s go take a look,” and he agrees (side note: I’ve been noticing this guy is very agreeable. Like, I’d say “Let’s go into this store to check this thing out”, he’d be like “Sure” and tag along. When I go into these clothing stores, he would follow me into those stores instead of waiting outside, and when I see he’s tired I’m like, “You can sit down, you know?” but he would be like, “It’s fine,” and continues following me around. It’s kinda sweet ngl, but I do feel a little bad when he’s all huffed out and shit lmfaooo). 

We linger there for a bit, trying to see what’s going on. Mind you, it’s cold; there’s a continuous breeze blowing against our backs, and he kinda just… Stands behind me (while complaining about how it’s freezing) and I didn’t think much of it then but now I’m like… Is that his way of keeping me from the cold OR AM I JUST IMAGINING THINGS?? AM I GOING FULL ON DELULU???

AND ANYWAY, we’re still there, watching, when he gets closer to me and leans his head on my shoulder and rubs his cheek against my shoulder. So I’M LIKE AKJBFEWJLBFJKFEJK, and I rest my head on his (i COULDN’T RESIST, OKAY???) and we kinda stay like that for a moment, and it feels so nice. Annnnnnd then I’m pulling away and suggesting we go home. It’s been a long day, and the night’s only getting colder. 

So we make our way to the train station, he apologises more, I say it’s fine. We gotta get on different platforms to go home, and FOR A VEERRRRYY BRIEF MOMENT, I consider hugging him before we part ways BUT I DIDN’T. I FUCKING DIDN’T AND I WISH I DID, BECAUSE I REALLY WANTED TO. 

I wanted to hug him is the problem here, and I’m not usually someone who wants to hug people, unless they’re family or close friends so like… BRUH. 

I get on the train, and then I receive a message from him — and he’s apologising AGAIN for being a creep and I’m like bruh it’S FINEEEEE. YOU’RE FINEEE. OMGG. (Not like that, though. I was more using the standard “It’s fine, please don’t apologise”.) We text for a bit and then, mustering up all my shitty courage, I ask him, “Did you want to hold my hand at one point?”

His answer: “PRETEND YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT.” lkneafklefnklnwfe LMFAOOO, such a shy boi HAHA. 

We’re kinda touching on the topic of boundaries, he’s telling me how he’s a physically affectionate person, so at one point I’m like, “Well, we can hold hands as friends, ya know?” Because these actions don’t have to be romantic. They can be platonic. Annnnnnd he agrees, and basically tells me, “Next time, hug me first. And you can hold my hand too, if you wanted to.” (I feel like a giddy high schooler typing all of this out LMFAO.) 

SO YEAH. TO SUM IT UP, I’m in a dilemma because I can’t tell if he actually wants to be just friends (he kept stating that at the start, but his actions and body language are like… contradicting what he’s saying), or if he wants something more. Maybe I’m overthinking this. Maybe he’s just a really, really affectionate and protective type of friend, and is like this with fuckin’ everyone. 

I DON’T KNOW. 

BUT ANYWAY. THAT’S ABOUT IT. He’s still dry over text, but he’s good to hang out with, and it seems like he wants to continue to hang out with me. Oh, and also, he also keeps sending me selfies of him lmfao. 

And now idk how to feel because I kinda ended up reconnecting with long distant dude (it’s a long story lmfaooo, a lot of my prompt lists are made because of him) and like… I might have lingering feelings for him? BUT NOW I FEEL LIKE I MIGHT BE DEVELOPING FEELINGS FOR THIS MIXED SIGNALS DUDE. OR MAYBE I’M TRIPPING??? LIKE I went into this thinking, “Oh, he’s probably gonna be someone I’m gonna meet up with once and that’d be it” BUT HERE WE ARE, WITH HIM SAYING HE WANTS TO BE FRIENDS AND THEN PULLING SHIT LIKE THAT AND THEN MAKING MY HEART AND HEAD GO WNFLKEWNFKLENWFLKN—

THE FUCKING AUDACITY!!  

And it’s only been such a short while tooooo OMGGG, and I understand it’s only the second time we’ve met up BUT JESUS. 

I don’t know what to think or feel or do and I’m juST WLKNFEKN BECAUSE NOW HE’S THE ONE WHO’S GOT ME WAITING FOR HIS GODDAMN TEXTS LIKE A FUCKING DUMBASS UGHHH. And I already wanna see him again sooo… HOW FUCKED AM I AHAHHAHA FJSJSJJSJ (As that one song says: This is the part where I’m gonna get HURT, LMFAOOO.) 

Though, to be FAIRRR, I did tell him briefly about long distant dude and he was like “awww, you guys are like soulmates” SO IM LIKE AHAHHA 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲 (he did switch topics pretty abruptly when I tried to talk more about him lmfao, but he skips over shit pretty frequently so maybe that’s just how he is). Perhaps I am over thinking this AND MAYBE HE DOES WANNA BE FRIENDS ONLY but imma see how things progress 😃👍

Now, I’m going be serious for a second: he just got out of a two year relationship three months ago so MAYBE he’s craving physical connection which is why he was acting like that? So I could be completely wrong and he genuinely does want to be friends only so… Yeah. I’m gonna tread cautiously, despite everything I’ve said before. Like, I’m open to whatever happens, but I’m also not looking to get my feelings hurt again. 

With that being said, we’re seeing the Barbie movie next week. It’s kinda funny because I did mention it when we met up last week, and he was groaning about it. 

Earlier today, I messaged him and was like, “Imma buy tickets, did you want to come along or no?” (because if he didn’t want to come along, then I’ll just buy a ticket for myself and watch it myself, no biggie — but I also did kinda wanna see him again so I asked just in case LMAO) and he’s like, “I’ll go with you” with pretty much no hesitation. 

Then, I’m out here making sure he’s okay with it because I didn’t want him to feel like he’s being forced to come along aND THEN HE FUCKING HITS ME WITH THE “I’ll do it for you”.

LIKE, BRUHHHH??? “I’ll do it for you.” BITCCHHHHHH, LET ME JUST CRY BECAUSE WHY CAN’T I HAVE A MAN WHO ISN’T GIVING ME MIXED SIGNALS LIKE THAT IN MY GODDAMN LIFE. 

THE AUDACITTTTYYYYYY SLDKFNDWLKNFWKELFN AHHH.

And then he’s like, “I owe you a lot” since I’m the one buying the tickets again (like I said earlier, he just got a full time job and his paycheck doesn’t come until like next week so it’s whatever if I’m the one paying for us for now) and I’m like, “You don’t owe me anything, and it’s not like you wanted to watch the movie in the first place” and THEN HE’S ALL LIKE, “Yeah, but I wanted to accompany you” AND IT’S LIKE BRO???? HELLLLLOOOOOO????????

Like, talk about being accidentally smooth LMFAO. 

He also has like, work that day, so him agreeing to accompany me just adds a layer of sweetness to this dhsjsjsj

And he started calling me by my nickname outta no where and I was like tf—

SO YEAH. DO FRIENDS DO THIS JFDFNDKLN. AM I TRIPPING. AM I OVERTHINKING???

And yeah, this is basically where things are at right now and I’ll probably provide another update later if anything significant happens, so you might see me popping up with something else in a reblog of this post lmfao :DDDDD 

So… Yeah. Moral of story is: don’t go on dating apps or you’ll end up playing yourself like a goddamn fiddle. 

(I also just realised I wrote a whole fic, basically, because I failed to be succinct lmao, I’m sorry and I’m gonna be so surprised if anyone reads the whole thing.) 

TL;DR: Dude I met up with two times keeps giving me mixed signals. Says he wants to be friends, but his actions contradict his words. I’M CONFUSION. And might  also be catching feelings but we’ll hold onto that thought for a bit because I think I still like someone else?? And maybe it's been too short of a time to be catching feelings in the first place. So yeah. Fun times. 

[justicegundam82]

Pathfinder 2E to 1E Conversion: Sweet Hag

This creature was relatively easy for me to convert, mechanically speaking. But as for its flavour text (no pun intended, of course), it was a whole other matter. The Sweet Hag involves a lot of potentially triggering material, for which I have given warnings below. I hope this new conversion doesn't become too shocking.

And as always, enjoy, and if you want, please send me some feedback and constructive criticism! ^^

HAG, SWEET

Image (c) Paizo, taken from the Pathfinder Nexus here

This matronly and clearly overweight woman sports a pleasant smile, and her yellowish skin somewhat resembles melting taffy. She is dressed in a cook’s garb.

SWEET HAG                       CR 4

XP 1’200

CE Medium Monstrous Humanoid

Init +1; Senses darkvision 60 ft., child-scent; Perception +10

DEFENSE

AC 17, touch 12, flat-footed 15 (+1 Dex, +1 dodge, +5 natural)

hp 45 (6d10+12)

Fort +4, Ref +6, Will +8

Damage Reduction 5/slashing or piercing

Spell Resistance 15

OFFENSE

Speed 30 ft.

Melee 2 slams +9 (1d4+3 plus soporific touch)

Special Attacks betraying touch, soporific touch

Spell-Like Abilities (CL 6th, concentration +10)

     Constant – pass without trace, tongues

     At will – alter self, daze (DC 14), innocence, light, purify food and drink

     3/day – create food and water (sweets only)

     1/day – charm person (DC 15), hideous laughter (DC 15), invisibility, reduce person (DC 15), sleep (DC 15)

STATISTICS

Str 16, Dex 13, Con 15, Int 14, Wis 13, Cha 18

Base Atk +6; CMB +9; CMD 20

Feats Deceitful, Dodge, Iron Will

Skills Bluff +12, Disguise +12, Knowledge (nature) +8, Perception +10, Profession (cook) +12, Sense Motive +4, Stealth +9; Racial Modifiers +4 Profession (cook)

Languages Aklo, Common, Sylvan; tongues

Special Qualities poisoned candy

ECOLOGY

Environment temperate and cold forests

Organization solitary or coven (3 hags of any kind)

Treasure standard

SPECIAL ABILITIES

Betraying Touch (Su) By touching a creature that currently does not see her as a threat, a sweet hag can subject that creature to her soporific touch ability, imposing a -4 circumstance penalty to the victim's saving throw. The creature does not become aware that the hag has used this ability on them unless they succeed at a Sense Motive check opposed by the hag's Bluff check.

Child-Scent (Ex) A sweet hag has the scent ability, but only with respect to humanoid children.

Poisoned Candy (Su) The sweet hag can cast one of the following spell-like abilities on a piece of food that she has prepared, typically a sweet treat: charm person, hideous laughter, reduce person or sleep. This does not count against the number of times per day the spell-like ability can be used. The first creature that eats the food is affected by the spell, and takes a –4 circumstance penalty to their saving throw against that effect. A sweet hag may only use this ability on food that she has prepared herself - food created via the create food and water spell-like ability may not be altered in this way.

Soporific Touch (Su) A creature that takes damage from a sweet hag's slam attack also suffers 1d4 point of Strength damage (Fortitude DC 17 negates). A victim reduced to 0 Strength falls into a deep slumber, dreaming of eating delicious sweets, until it has regained at least 1 point of Strength. This is a sleep effect. The save DC is Charisma based.

A sweet hag is a vile predator of children that hides behind a cheerful and caring front to lure her victims to an horrific fate. Using their magic to alter their appearence to that of harmless old ladies or matronly bakers, they entice children with the promise of delicious sweets, with a distinct preference for the poor, the homeless, the abused and, in general, all those children who are unlikely to be missed. A sweet hag offers its prospective victims not just delicious food, but also a facade of kindness and generosity. However, as soon as her victim has come to trust her, the sweet hag either enslaves them or puts them to sleep in order to be butchered and eaten. Some sweet hags have been known to put their young prisoners into cages and force-feed them to fatten them up, all in order to enjoy a tastier meal later.

All sweet hags are excellent cooks - they have to be, in order for their trap to work. They have the unique ability to mix some harmful spells into the food they prepare, in order to incapacitate their prey or anyone that might come to investigate on her. While they don't have much in terms of fighting skills, their touch can sap strength from their victims, until they fall into a blissful sleep populated with dreams of delicious food. A sweet hag's touch is even more dangerous to those who are unaware of her true colors, putting them to sleep with most of them not realizing why they are getting weaker by the minute. In any event, sweet hags are typically cowards, and will turn invisible and flee as soon as they suspect they're facing actual danger.

Sweet hags usually dwell in houses not too far away from cities and villages, in the ideal position to draw children in, but still far enough not to raise suspicion. While they are omnivorous, they particularly relish the taste of children, and consider gnomes to be a real delicacy. Sweet hags despise elves, which probably has to do with elves not being affected by their sleep-inducing magics. While a sweet hag will murder an elf in order to keep her cover or out of spite, she never eats one unless it is severely famished.

Sweet hags rarely join covens, but when they do, the coven adds grove of respite and neutralize poison to their spell list.

[chlorinecake]

my god ur sunoo fic dkwgwigd this site lacks sunoo smut and i know hes the cute boy for mostly but damn hes a 21 and his photos for this cmb is making me feral aarrrggghh sorry for all the text btw

hihi anonieeee ~ really glad to hear you liked it huhu 🤭🤭 … but yessss, no one really posts smut for him, and it sucks to know that I’m one of those ppl ;-;

[dailycharacteroption]

Conversion Corner: Legend of Zelda Rod Spells part 2

Cane of Pacci

 While there have been plenty of rod items in the games, the Cane of Pacci, found in Minish Cap, was the first new rod in 13 years to follow the “cane of some mage that is not otherwise mentioned in lore” naming format. The other two both being in the same game, A Link to the Past in 1991.

And judging by effects of this cane, the artwork that inspired this week’s special might have been spot on in their inpretation of Pacci as what the internet would call “a silly little guy”. Byrna, after all, has an impenetrable defense, and Somaria has magical blocks that are equal part utility and function.

Pacci, on the other hand. Flips objects upside down.

That’s it. That’s what it does.

Ok, yes, it’s useful for solving puzzles, flipping certain enemies and bosses to expose weakpoints, and even casting into holes to create trampoline-like eddies of magic to launch to high places, but it really is just flipping things over.

So yes, it’s not a terribly powerful spell, but it is a potentially useful one in the right situations.

 Pacci’s Tumbling

School evocation; Level bard 2, bloodrager 2, magus 2, psychic 2, sorcerer/wizard 2

Casting

Casting Time 1 standard action

Components V, S

Effect

Range close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)

Target one creature, object, or hole (see text)

Duration instantaneous; (see text)

Saving Throw none; Spell Resistance yes

Description

You gesture and afflict the target with telekinetic forces that attempt to flip it over. If you target a creature with this effect, make a CMB roll to trip them, using your caster level as your base attack bonus and your spellcasting ability score (Int, Wis, or Cha) in place of your Strength score. This trip attempt does not provoke attacks of opportunity.

If cast on an object, the object flips upside down if it has room to do so and weighs up to 20 lbs. per caster level or less and is not otherwise held in place.

Alternatively, if you cast the spell into a distinct hole in the ground (no wider than a 5 ft radius, and at least 1 foot deep), the hole becomes filled with a semi-solid eddy of telekinetic force that lasts up to 1 round per level. If you or another creature moves on top of this eddy, instead of falling into the hole, the eddy instead bounces them up like a trampoline, allowing them to immediately make an Acrobatics check to jump, even if I is not their turn, with a +10 bonus. After being used to jump the magic is discharged, and the effect ends.

[bonigaby]

YELLOW CHATTING (still DAY 1)

Tetiba kamu kirim ini di chat yellow...

WKWKWK.. Jujur aga kaget sih.. Bused langsung dicari nih aku.. OEMJI OEMJI...

Ternyata kamu jujur mengakui kalau kamu anaknya kepo. wkwkw.. Aku agak kaget sih.. agak takod jg di awal.. karena kayanya sat set banget gitu langsung ngepoin..

namun ingatanku melayang jauh ke kisahku sebelumnya. benar-benar tepat sebelum kenal Boni, aku match sama cowo di applikasi CMB (alias yang selalu aku bilang applikasi biru).

Nah di applikasi Biru ini, aku match sama cowo. katolik juga. sepertinya serius. namun ternyata hanya serius di awal. lama kelamaan, chatnya mulai jadi kering alias dry text. Terutama ketika aku minta dia untuk cari tahu tentang aku, eh tapi dia nggak mau (dengan beratus alasan yang tidak masuk di akal). wkwk. Berbeda jauh sama kamu yang langsung kepo dan nyari tahu tentang aku.

Disinilah aku ngerasa ini adalah salah satu sisi plus kamu. Karena kamu niat untuk nyari tahu tentang aku ❤️😊 Terima Kasih ya sayang.. hehehhe...

Dan kocak berujung chat kita ngomongin tentang nikah lagi.. hahahha.. :") kebayang aja gitu bakal banyak temen-temen satu circle kita ngumpul di acara nikahan kita.. (eitss kalau diomongin sekarang mah bikin senyum2 sendiri sih hehehhe.. karena ternyata beneran mau nikah, Puji Tuhan.......).

😂😂😂

Sekian chat kuning yang terekam.. sisanya sudah tenggelam bersama akun bumble yang telah kami delete bersama.....

:")

Thank You, Lord!

Thank you, Boni ❤️

XOXO~

[acrodites]

harris

you must have enjoyed your time searching and flirting and scrolling through pretty girls hahaha and then you found me. right there on your screen featuring a dating app they called cmb. right there where i am, with the picts of me wearing a white tanktop smiling. Tell you what, that's my best picts and the flirtiest i've ever looked. i'm not that whatever you thought from that photo of me.

i'm so much more. and you can't handle it, you didn't. you chose to walk away. you blocked me on instagram, and unblocked it again, you undo our friendship, or should i label it, situationship. i don't know what's on your mind, truly. and i refuse to assume things, until now. 1. you found another girl 2. you just can't bare watching my stories being happy without including you 3. you have different thoughts about me 4. you were, like you told me, feel small and insecure about how rich my life is 5. or you just done with me.

and then you told me, you felt insecure. of course you didn't straight up talking to me, you replied to my text. i hope you can read my sadness and anger and disappointment in those long ass paragraphs. i was thinking about it over and over before decided to low myself down and give you those paragraphs.

i hated myself for that. you made me hate that version of me. it's on you that attract the side of me i avoided these august of knowing you. i didn't wanna be like that. i want to attract, not chase. but i demanded answer, that day. i can't be left with no clue.

and now it's been eleven days. since we had our last talk through whatsapp. what a coward. you could have called me for the last time explaining why you pulled away instead of giving me texts of feeling "minder".

i would never date a coward.

but i wanted to date you.

you were kind, you listen. you were handsome, i wouldn't change an inch of your body, your bones are perfect and i wanted to call it home. but it's not. its a shell. its a fucking shell. that's all you are.

sick minded boy. you are no man. you're coward. you have a patriarchy belief. i knew it the second you told me not to get close to guys. but then you left me. just what the hell.

i was again thinking, was i not pretty enough? was i not smart enough? (but this one i think you like stupid girl more) was i not wise enough?

doesn't matter. the trash took itself out is the term i'm handling. you decided to erase me from your life that easy, no no, you decided to exit my life because you couldn't handle me being this much.

go. find. less. i don't care, i have never been this careless to any guy i had a crush on. i regret thinking i might get a chance of having a future with you. what a douche. You go do your thing, being a police officer or whatever job you actually do. while keep searching for a girl that you demand to be underneath you.

i will be a doctor, nevertheless. i will be happy, i will be rich, of everything. i will be loved. and i will never be enough for you.

tell you what, i will always be too much so you can go find less. i will always be too high maintenance for someone with such a low effort like you. i will always deserve the kind of love i'm giving to other. too pretty, too smart, too rich, too loved.

let me show you how out of your league, i am. you can never afford me.

thankyou.

(p.s. i dont buy your reason of being insecure but i just gonna go with it because it makes me feel good about myself and bad about you. You might fuck with another girl but guess what? its none of my business because i dont have time for your sick mind)

[thecreaturecodex]

Skull Peeler

Image © Paizo Publishing, accessed at Archives of Nethys here

[The skull peeler from PF2e's Bestiary 3 is a monster I wanted to like, but enough stuff bugged me about it that the version published isn't my favorite. For one thing, it supposedly is a specialist on sauropod dinosaurs, but as a CR 6 versus a CR 10 (at least) seems a little steep. It's described as being explicitly a "naturally evolved creature", but a mammal with insect wings doesn't strike me as something that can be claimed to be naturalistic, even for fantasy world evolution. Lastly, the slow speed and the excellent camouflage make me think it was originally intended to be a sloth monster, and got changed to a monkey monster at some point in development. I have made a number of tweaks to the mechanics and flavor text alike in order to bring it to my admittedly persnickety standards.]

Skull Peeler CR 6 N Magical Beast This creature looks like a monkey except for its translucent butterfly wings. Its forelimbs have oversized claws, and it has a long tongue studded with razor blades.

Skull peelers look cute, but their behavior is anything but. Skull peelers are predators of the canopy, feeding on birds, monkeys, lizards and browsing megafauna. A skull peeler will attack a giraffe, elephant or even sauropod dinosaur from ambush, tearing into its face and neck with razor sharp claws and a bladed tongue. Even if the prey survives the initial assault, it often bleeds to death from the creature’s supernaturally anticoagulant saliva. The skull peeler then lives up to its name, tearing off its victim’s head to eat the fleshy cheeks and the fatty brain. Skull peelers can go a long time between meals, and rarely descend to the forest floor to feed on the rest of the corpse. Scavengers and kleptoparasites tend to feed well in areas inhabited by a skull peeler.

Skull peelers are native to the First World, but have escaped onto the Material Plane through portals and the intervention of mortals and fey alike. Fey creatures and gnomes can often coax a skull peeler to remain in a particular area, but otherwise they are undomesticable, being semi-sapient in their own right. The combination of adorable appearance and vicious temper makes them popular as trophies and guardians by crime lords or rulers of a crueler bent. Skull peelers are notorious escape artists, however, and are adept at escaping into the wild and taking up residence in unexpected habitats.

Skull Peeler CR 6 XP 2,400 N Small magical beast (extraplanar) Init +8; Senses low-light vision, Perception +8

Defense AC 19, touch 15, flat-footed 15 (+1 size, +4 Dex, +4 natural) hp 66 (7d10+32) Fort +9, Ref +10, Will +5

Offense Speed 20 ft., climb 15 ft., fly 15 ft. (average) Melee 2 claws +13 (1d4+5), tongue +13 (2d4+5 plus bleed) Space 5 ft.; Reach 5 ft. (10 ft. with tongue) Special Attacks anticoagulant, bleed (1d4), giantslayer, sneak attack +1d6

Statistics Str 20, Dex 19, Con 16, Int 5, Wis 16, Cha 13 Base Atk +7; CMB +11; CMD 25 (29 vs. trip) Feats Acrobatic, Improved Initiative, Stealthy, Toughness Skills Acrobatics +10 (+6 jumping), Climb +17, Escape Artist +7, Fly +12, Perception +8, Stealth +13 (+17 in vegetation); Racial Modifiers +4 Stealth in vegetation Languages Sylvan (cannot speak) SQ fragrant, freeze (vegetation)

Ecology Environment warm and temperate forests (First World) Organization solitary or pair Treasure incidental

Special Abilities Anticoagulant (Su) Bleed dealt by a skull peeler requires a DC 21 Heal check to stop with mundane methods. Anyone using a healing spell to stop the bleed must succeed a DC 16 caster level check or the bleed persists. Fragrant (Ex) A skull peeler smells like vegetation as well as looking like vegetation. Creatures with the scent special ability must succeed a Perception check against the skull peeler’s Stealth check -10 to recognize the presence of a creature within their scent radius. Giantslayer (Ex) A skull peeler deals an extra +1d6 points of damage with its sneak attack for every size category larger the creature is than the skull peeler. Tongue (Ex) The tongue of a skull peeler is treated as a primary natural weapon that deals slashing damage.

[soylent-crocodile]

Drubb (Monster)

(art by Jim Nelson)

(This was a Magic card- Muck Drubb- with the perfect combination of evocative art and interesting ability, so I of course HAD to make it a monster! This one's flavor text is just real sad and delves into slavery, so you've been warned. Perhaps freeing a population of enslaved drubbs and finding one of the hiding families to take them in would be a fun side quest for your heroes!)

CR3 TN Medium Aberration

Drubbs are unfortunate creatures whose physiology naturally attracts magic. At one point in history they were nearly extinct, but have been brought back from the brink by black market breeders, as unscrupulous criminals and military officers realized that their sacrificial abilities make them excellent defensive allies. These drubbs, though sentient and able to speak, act as little more than sacrifices for their owners, living to be targeted by a deadly spell that was meant for someone else. 

In nature, drubbs live in close matriarchal groups, with the oldest female- generally a mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother to various members of the group- teaching their children philosophy and religion, as well as practical survival skills and safe hideaways. Males typically stay in these groups even while sexually mature, and only leave when they are knowledgeable and confident enough to secure a mate and a place in another herd. These herds are extremely rare these days, however, with only three or four free families believed to still exist.

Drubbs are sentient and their mouths are dexterous enough to wield weapons, but they generally progress by advancing racial HD. Learning magic is a taboo in drubb society, both because of the scars spellcasting slavers have left on their society, and more practically because casting magic around friendly drubbs is rather hazardous.

Drubb hide is magically potent, and the skin from a single drubb can serve as up to 1,000gp worth of leather when crafting magic items of the Abjuration school; in particular, they are a common source of Cloaks of Resistance.

This slimy yellow creature slumps forward, its face defined by a short trunk and mournful eyes.

Misc- CR3 TN Medium Aberration HD4 Init:+2 Senses: Perception:+7, Low-light Vision, Darkvision 60ft Stats- Str:16(+3) Dex:15(+2) Con:22(+6) Int:6(-2) Wis:17(+3) Cha:16(+3) BAB:+3 Space:5ft Reach:5ft Defense- HP:42(4d8+24) AC:13(+2 Dex, +1 Natural) Fort:+7 Ref:+5 Will:+7 CMD:17 (19 vs trip) Special Defenses: DR2/cold iron Offense- 2 Slam +6(1d6+3 plus Entangle) CMB:+5 Speed:30ft Special Attacks: Entangle Feats- Combat Expertise (-1/+2), Lightning Reflexes Skills- Diplomacy +6, Perception +8, Spellcraft +3, Survival +7 Special Qualities- Sink Magic Ecology- Environment- Swamps, Urban (Any) Languages- Common Organization- Solitary Treasure- None Special Abilities- Entangle (Ex)- A creature hit with a drubb’s slam attack must make a DC13 reflex save or become entangled in its mucus, as with a tanglefoot bag. Sink Magic (Su)- A drubb’s body naturally attracts spells to itself. If a caster casts a spell within 60ft of a drubb that could target a drubb, she must make a DC16 caster level check or instead target the drubb with that spell. Spells with a range of touch or an area of effect are not affected by this ability. This caster level check is constitution-based.

[nyc-uws]

Relative Cosmic Velocities

[wide screen, more info]

FAQ: our actual speed is around 370 km/s to the CMB, but it depends where we are in our orbit around the Sun and the milky way... hence all the relative statements.

Imagery from: NASA / WMAP / JPL-Caltech / R. Hunt / Solar System

Scope processing https://www.solarsystemscope.com/text... under CC BY 4.0

NASA ephemeris data: https://ssd.jpl.nasa.gov/horizons.cgi...

[pathfinderunlocked]

Wispmother - CR14 Undead

A powerful undead spirit of ghostly frost, based on the enemy from Elder Scrolls.

Artwork is official concept art from The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, by Ray Lederer on ArtStation, copyright Bethesda Softworks.

Among the folk tales from the northern reaches of the world are the Wispmother: ghostly women who lure unsuspecting travelers to their doom. Wispmothers take the form of elven spirits, wreathed in mist and decaying rags.

Wispmothers are not recent. They are the legacy of an ancient cult of necromancers, who thousands of years ago achieved eternal undeath by transforming their spirits into frost. No new wispmothers have been created in millennia, but destroying them is nearly impossible, and so they persist.

A victim is often initially drawn to the Wispmother by glowing, ghostly lights. Although initially passive, these creatures, frostwisps, later attack in tandem with her, distracting the victim and draining their energy. Wispmothers turn their slain victims into frostwisps, which they send out from their lairs to lure travelers to them.

I included descriptions of several of its feats, including two metamagic spell-like ability feats that aren't real feats and were never published by Paizo (although they did publish the equivalent actual metamagic feats for regular spells).

These creatures are based on the enemies of the same name from Skyrim, with their main feature being the frostwisps they control. Like basically all of my Pathfinder adaptations of creatures from other media, this isn't a direct conversion, it's just inspired by the Wispmother from Skyrim and includes some changes to make the fight more interesting.

Wispmother CR 14

The elven spirit seems to be made of animated frozen mist, wreathed in icy winds and decaying rags.

XP 38,400 NE Medium undead (cold, incorporeal) Init +11 Senses darkvision 60 ft.; Perception +25 Aura snowstorm (200 ft.)

DEFENSE

AC 25, touch 25, flat-footed 17 (+7 deflection, +7 Dex, +1 dodge) hp 184 (16d8+112) Fort +12, Ref +12, Will +17 Defensive Abilities incorporeal Immune cold, undead traits Weaknesses vulnerable to fire

OFFENSE

Speed fly 40 ft. (perfect) Melee incorporeal touch +19 (6d6 cold plus chilling touch plus energy drain) Special Attacks chilling touch, energy drain (1 level, DC 25), restore frost wisp

Spell-Like Abilities (CL 16th; concentration +16)     Constant—blur     3/day—cone of cold (DC 22), ice storm, intensified studied thundering snowball (ranged touch +19, DC 18 (thundering), 10d6 cold damage)     At will—dancing lights, frost glyphs (DC 24, see text), mirror image

STATISTICS

Str —, Dex 24, Con —, Int 21, Wis 24, Cha 25 Base Atk +12; CMB +19; CMD 37 Feats Dodge, Improved Initiative, Intensified Spell-like Ability (snowball), Mobility, Spell Penetration, Studied Spell-like Ability (snowball), Thundering Spell-like Ability (snowball), Intensified Spell-like Ability Skills Fly +26, Intimidate +26, Knowledge (arcana, dungeoneering, local, nature, planes, religion) +17, Perception +25, Sense Motive +15, Spellcraft +26, Stealth +26, Survival +10 Languages Aquan, Elven, Necril SQ bonded frostwisps

SPECIAL ABILITIES

Bonded Frostwisps (Ex) A wispmother has a number of frostwisps bonded to its service, which must stay within 500 ft. of the frostmother. A bonded frostwisp gains the Share Spells, Empathic Link, and Scry on Familiar abilities of a familiar, treating the wispmother as its master. A newly created frostmother typically has 1 bonded frostwisp, but can gain additional bonded frostwisps through its Turn to Frostwisp ability (see below), up to a maximum number of bonded frostwisps equal to half its hit dice.

If a wispmother is destroyed, its bonded frostwisps are instantly destroyed and cease being bonded to it.

Chilling Touch (Su) A wispmother's touch causes 6d6 cold damage. Whenever a creature takes cold damage from a wispmother's chilling touch, it must make a DC 25 Fortitude save to avoid being staggered by the supernatural cold for 1 round. This duration stacks. The save DC is Charisma-based.

After striking a target with its chilling touch attack on its turn, as a free action, a wispmother can attempt to dispels one magical affect effecting the target, as the targeted dispel option of dispel magic (CL 16th). The dispelling effect occurs even if the damage is negated (such as by energy resistance or immunity).

Dispel Synergy If a wispmother successfully dispels an ongoing magical effect on an opponent, that opponent takes a –2 penalty on saving throws against the wispmother's spells until the end of its next turn.

Frost Glyphs (Sp) As a standard action, as a spell-like ability, three times per day, a wispmother can place up to 8 glowing frost glyphs on surfaces she can see within medium range (typically 260 ft.). The frost glyphs must be placed at least 10 ft. apart from each other. Each frost glyph persists for 1 hour or until triggered. A frost glyph is triggered when any creature other than the frostmother or its bonded wisps moves within 10 ft. of it; the frostmother can designate other creatures that can safely approach the frost glyphs at the time of casting.

Upon being triggered, a frost glyph explodes in a 20-ft. burst of frost that deals 1d6 cold damage per 2 caster levels (typically 8d6) and slows target caught in the burst (as the slow spell) for 1 round. A successful Reflex save (typically DC 24) halves the damage and negates the slowing effect.

Glyphs cannot be affected or bypassed by such means as physical or magical probing, though they can be dispelled (doing so dispels all glyphs that were created with a single spellcast). Mislead, polymorph, and nondetection (and similar magical effects) can fool a glyph, though non-magical disguises and the like can’t. Read magic allows a creature to identify a frost glyph with a DC 17 Knowledge (arcana) check. Identifying the glyph does not discharge it and allows the creature to know the effect of the glyph.

Treat this as a 7th-level evocation [cold] spell. Spell resistance applies.

Rejuvenation (Su) In most cases, it’s difficult to destroy a wispmother through simple combat: the “destroyed” spirit restores itself in 1 year. Even the most powerful spells are usually only temporary solutions. If, after 1 year, the area where the wispmother is not below freezing, its rejuvenation is delayed until the area drops below freezing.

When a wispmother rejuvenates, it begins with only one bonded frostwisp; any others it had bonded to it before being destroyed are lost.

Restore Frostwisp (Su) As a one-round action, once every 1d3+2 rounds, a wispmother can restore all of its bonded frostwisps to full hit points and remove any harmful conditions from them, including frostwisps that have been destroyed.

Snowstorm (Su) A wispmother can cause itself to be surrounded by whirling blasts of snow, even in areas that wouldn’t allow for such weather, that comprise a 200-foot-radius spread. It can activate or deactivate this ability as a free action at the start of its turn. Within this area, the snowfall and wind gusts cause a -4 penalty on Perception checks and ranged attacks. The wind itself blows in a clockwise rotation around the wispmother, and functions as severe wind. A wispmother and its bonded wisps are unaffected by snowstorms or blizzards of any kind. Any effect that causes these winds to drop below severe (such as control weather or control winds) cancels the snowstorm effect entirely.

Studied Spell-like Ability Three times per day, when casting its snowball spell-like ability, a wispmother can enhance the spell as if with the Studied Spell metamagic. The wispmother attempts an appropriate Knowledge check based on that target’s creature type as it casts the spell. The DC for this check is equal to 20 + the creature’s CR based on its race and not including any class levels or template (a creature that is defined by class levels has an effective CR of 0 for this ability). If the wispmother succeeds, the snowball spell-like ability ignores any cold resistance the target has because of its race as well as any bonuses on saving throws against the spell granted by the target’s race (such as the bonus from a dwarf’s hardy ability or a halfling’s halfling luck ability). The snowball spell-like ability doesn’t ignore energy resistance or saving throw bonuses granted by other spells and effects. If the wispmother fails the Knowledge check, the snowball spell-like ability still has its normal effects.

Thundering Spell-like Ability Three times per day, when casting its snowball spell-like ability, a wispmother can enhance the spell as if with the Thundering Spell metamagic. If a creature takes damage from the snowball spell-like ability, it becomes deafened for 1 round; a successful Fortitude save (typically DC 18) negates the deafening effect.

Turn to Frostwisp (Ex) If a wispmother or one of her bonded frostwisps kills a living creature with at least 3 Intelligence, the creature turns into a frostwisp bonded to the wispmother after 24 hours. If the wispmother is destroyed during that time (even if it rejuvenates), or the dead creature is revived, the transformation into a frostwisp fails.

A wispmother can have a maximum number of bonded frostwisps equal to half its hit dice. If it creates another new bonded frostwisp at that point, it must choose one to release, which becomes a free-roaming uncontrolled undead (although it is not hostile to the frostmother).