#ten years ago this time I was reading the Raven Boys and becoming obsessed with these heathens. where will I be in another 10?

[soup-or-who-lock]

Having reread CDTH and Mr. Impossible, am at long, long last reading Greywaren (buts it’s the middle of the night and I’m creating awful habits so I only read the prologue). Accidentally read the last sentence. Made a little squeaking sound free from inhibition. I’m not gonna breathe for 335 pages

[earnestly-endlessly]

Hi, how are you? Your blog is amazing and your recommendations have already allowed me to read wonderful stories, so thank you so much! I wonder if you could suggest me any cherik fics of them as detectives? I remember reading one a long time ago, but unfortunately I don't know the name and even less the synopsis. Thank you in advance for your help.

Thank you so much @remember5novemberv for your kind words. I'm so sorry this took me so long but I hope you enjoy this list. There are some excellent detective AUs in this fandom so you're in for a treat.

Cherik Detective AUs

Their Mouths Always Lie – keire_ke

Summary: Charles adheres to most police protocols like they are a personal code of conduct. Erik gets things done and over with, for better or worse. Raven knows what she's doing, most of the time. The serial killer kills, regardless. Police AU.

Guilty by Association – Reagan

Summary: While investigating the homicide of a John Doe who he suspects might've been murdered while working the streets as a prostitute, Detective Erik Lehnsherr finds an unexpected ally in a hooker named Charles who seems as determined as he to solve the case. As they become more deeply involved both with the case and each other, there's just one thing that Charles neglects to mention -- that he's really an investigative journalist, one quickly convinced that what they're dealing with is more than simple murder. cop!Erik, fake-hooker-slash-reporter!Charles, Modern AU.

Incy Wincy Spider – Tawabids

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr is a renowned homicide detective, with his husband Charles at home and his partner on the job, Moira MacTaggert. When a twisted serial killer starts targeting mutants, Erik and Moira are the perfect team for the job, especially since Erik himself is the mutant poster-boy of an NYPD trying to improve their image.

But what they don't yet know is that the serial killer is an old soul out of Erik's past, and his next move is to pull Charles into his web.

The Theory of Partnership Dynamics – Pangea

Summary: “Detective Lehnsherr, how wonderful to see you out on the job!” The fed in the front greets him as they draw nearer. He’s shorter than the other two by a full head, and he’s beaming at Lehnsherr as if completely undeterred by Lehnsherr’s paint-peeling scowl.

“What do the feds want?” Lehnsherr asks bluntly.

“You know I can’t tell you that,” the fed answers cheerfully. Then his gaze lands on Alex, and, impossibly, his grin gets even brighter. “Did you get a new partner?"

“No,” Lehnsherr says through his teeth while at the same time Alex says, “Yes.”

Charles’ Killer – luchia

Summary: When detective Charles Xavier finds himself hunting down a vendetta-driven serial killer, it doesn't take long for him to realize he's in over his head. It only takes a little longer for him to realize his killer is, too.

Demoted – JayPendragon

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr is a detective-specialist with the NYPD Mutant Tactical Unit, ready to help out where his skills are needed. Or he would be, if he and his partner hadn’t been demoted. For the next four months, he is patrolling the Lenox Hill precinct with Azazel – if he doesn’t die of boredom first.

One night they are called in to investigate a potential case of domestic violence, yet the tenant assures them he is both alone and unharmed. However, there is something about this Charles Xavier that compels Erik to follow up.

Watching the Detectives – Clocks

Summary: Detectives Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr are good friends and colleagues. However, when they go undercover at a Christmas party to nab a prime suspect, Erik keeps reminding himself to stay professional and ignore feelings of unexpected jealousy.

Oh, Sinnerman (Where you gonna run to?) – TintagelCastle (orphan–account)

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr is one of the best homicide detectives in New York. From small time stabbings to high end mob hits, Erik (and his equally scary partner Logan) makes sure all the bad guys get caught, searching for the final clue to nail his mother's killer. As a string of murders draws the net ever tighter on Erik's life's work, he needs to catch the nightmare of his past whilst continuing to be the darling of the Force...

And so what if he's completely in love with the British guy on Forensics? Who's he ever going to tell?

Wrap up my bones – waifornight

Summary: Damaged detective Erik Lehnsherr is grimly searching for a serial killer whose victims all have extraordinary gifts. But without any clues or leads he and his partner Logan are in the dark. Until Charles Xavier, abducted by the killer, escapes. Together Erik and Charles must confront something far darker than either of them had ever imagined.

Alternate Universe loosely based off the crime movie Kiss the Girls.

I’ll see your heart (and I’ll race you mine) – sirona

Summary: For Kriminalhauptkommissar Erik Lehnsherr, this case will change everything.

Paralyzer – Yahtzee

Summary: In 1965, Erik Lehnsherr has infiltrated the NYPD for his own purposes -- but his powers make him a brilliant detective. Yet that's not why FBI agent Charles Xavier has sought him out. It's because the mysterious killer they're both trying to find is murdering people like them: other mutants.

Their search for a madman binds them together. Their inner demons may tear them apart. But the greatest danger comes when the killer they're looking for looks back.

Wrap up my bones – waifornight

Summary: Damaged detective Erik Lehnsherr is grimly searching for a serial killer whose victims all have extraordinary gifts. But without any clues or leads he and his partner Logan are in the dark. Until Charles Xavier, abducted by the killer, escapes. Together Erik and Charles must confront something far darker than either of them had ever imagined.

Alternate Universe loosely based off the crime movie Kiss the Girls.

The Long Bright Dark – lachatblanche

Summary: Ten years ago Detectives Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr closed the case on a grotesque series of murders that continue to haunt them even in the present day. When they are pulled in for questioning a decade later, they finally have confirmation of something that they have both suspected for a very long time - that there is unfinished business for them to take care of and that the case they thought they had closed so very long ago is in reality still all too open.

A True Detective AU.

Finding North – ClarkeStetler, Goosenik

Summary: Charles and Erik are (loosely) friends with benefits. They don't share personal details, last names, or anything concrete about their lives. This is ruined rather spectacularly when Charles gets recruited by the Mutant Apprehension Division of the FBI. Surprised is a bit of an understatement for their reaction to finding themselves partnered up and sent out on cases with the team.

Closer (to God) – dsrobertson

Summary: Se7en/The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo AU-ish.

Political journalist and editor, Erik Lehnsherr, has just lost £150,000 in a libel case against businessman, Kurt Marko. Down on his luck and in need of money, Erik is approached by the Metropolitan Police’s Detective Inspector Charles Xavier. Well-known for his investigative journalism, Erik is asked to help in the search for a serial killer in return for £200,000 if the killer is caught.

Wrapped up in murder, religion, and sex, Erik gets more than he bargained for.

Homo Sacer – unveiled

Summary: In a not too distant future, Detective Erik Lehnsherr meets Charles Xavier: street magician, former academician, and telepath.

One Good Day – troll_under_the_bridge

Summary: One case which is going to turn Charles' world upside down, while he struggles to pacify his boss, investigate murders and come to terms with the mess his life has become.

Playing With Fire – professor

Summary: Charles is a detective determined to catch a serial killer.

If the serial killer doesn't catch him first.

Hold on or let go – aesc, pearl_o

Summary: Teenage telepath Charles Xavier takes a job as a consultant, working with prickly police detective Erik Lehnsherr. Charles is used to being on his own and taking care of himself; he has no reason to think that his relationship with this stern, icy man is going to change any of that. (Also known as: Tough Little Baby Telepath.)

MCIS: First Case – Pookaseraph

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr considers himself a great MCIS agent, and he puts up with a lot from his boss - Moira MacTaggart - in the name of solving crimes against mutants, but he's not so sure about this new empath, Charles Xavier. Their first case together will test Erik's patience, but doubtless be the beginning of a brilliant friendship.

MCIS: Fathers, Sons, and Brothers – Pookaseraph

Summary: Alex Summers has a single case that he has obsessed about ever since coming to MCIS two years ago: Su-M-94-0708-0034, the murder of Christopher and Katherine Summers, and the presumed kidnapping and possible murder of Scott Summers. Very little evidence was found at the time, but hopefully a new team - and new leads - can shed light on the case that left Alex an orphan.

When the Crazies come to town – Chinchillaatthedisc0

Summary: Erik is a surly detective with zero people skills who has just been assigned the murder case of Kurt Marko. Prime suspect? Charles xavier. Who's no where to be found.

My old man is a bad man – faerie_ground

Summary: Sebastian Shaw dies at two am in the morning with a dagger embedded in his forehead. Detective Erik Lehnsherr is on the case, and the number one suspect is the recently widowed Dr Charles Xavier, Sebastian Shaw's husband.

Deep Cover – Subtilior

Summary: Omegas in heat? The perfect whores. Sebastian Shaw? The bastard who kidnaps them for his Hellfire Club. Erik Lehnsherr? A hard-boiled detective who's been on the Hellfire case for months. The catastrophe that unfolds when he goes in on retrieval and finds Charles Xavier still writhing in a Hellfire bed? .... Deep Cover.

A Murder of Ravens – AbandonedWorld

Summary:Charles Xavier is wrongfully accused. Erik Lehnsherr is a top-notch homicide Lieutenant who stumbles upon the case of a lifetime: a serial killer targeting mutants–and only mutants. Charles bides his incarceration waiting on a miracle, reciting Poe's timeless gem in effort to retain his sanity...

Note: Unfinished

[fictionbyafangirl]

Tundric Heart

//Hi, all! After becoming absolutely *obsessed* with the new Mortal Kombat movie, as well as being a fan since the games began, and being a fan of JoTa since I saw The Raid: Redemption when it first came out and since then, I decided my flagship fic shall involve Bi-Han/Sub-Zero. This takes place prior to the film, having nine tournaments been fought. This is a POV-shifter and involves our favorite chilly boi with an original character. Naturally, I own no rights to the franchised character and only write out of my own fun.  I hope you enjoy!\\

Nothing phased him anymore. Bi-Han had lived many centuries, each reinforcing his growing lack of humanity toward the world, whether it be Earthrealm or Outworld. Due to his “gifts”, Bi-Han had become a favorite champion for Shang Tsung in the Mortal Kombat tournaments, successful in more than not and ultimately becoming an attack dog at the sorcerer's will. Despite Bi-Han wanting the Lin Keui to be free-agents once again, himself, primarily, he obliged, knowing he owed Shang Tsung his fealty for the many favors he performed for him in the past. The Lin Keui had been an elite group of assassins for those who could afford them. Either born into the organization or kidnapped as a youngling for the cause, its numbers were always plentiful. Bi-Han and his brother, Kuai Liang, had served the clan well, rising through the ranks. Bi-Han, though, had become the face of the group. The fierce fighter had gained notoriety for defeating the one and only Hanzo Hasashi, as well as the Shirai Ryu, a noble competitor clan in their world of crime. Over four hundred years had passed, yet a looming whisper of a threat still hung in the air from the very fatality that put Bi-Han on the map. Ever the paranoid ruler, Tsung tasked Bi-Han with finding the last remaining Hasashi blood heir and executing them. To the cryomancer, there was simply no point in doing so. He had ended the lineage himself many lifetimes ago. The Hasashi family fell to his hand, and he knew it, first-hand. Still, the soul-eater feared the prophecy of the uprising of Earthrealm defenders to thwart the imminent takeover, if the last tournament should be victoriously won by the mortals with an arcana gift. Nine circuits had been finished in the favor of Tsung, only needing two more to claim supremacy over the mortals. Begrudgingly, Bi-Han found himself in his home-realm on a reconnaissance mission to find out if the myth was true. One thing the warrior loathed was to be undermined, especially by Tsung. His employer had a knack for sending in the reinforcements if the smallest of setbacks occurred. Bi-Han was more than confident in his skill and ability to successfully fulfill his duties. To send in those that were inferior to him was simply a slap in the face. Not a day went by that the assassin didn’t think of a world where he no longer served Tsung.

The man was ageless as he sat across from a run-down diner, concealed in darkness. Darkness had always been his friend, even in the glory days of the Lin Kuei and the chaos they inflicted on their world. Darkness cloaked him in secrecy. Darkness gave him advantage against his opponents. Darkness felt almost as familiar and second nature to him as the cold. It had been a rainy evening, the spray of dingy gutter water spraying up from beneath the tires of those driving muddled the sidewalk. Bi-Han, looking not a single day older than he had when he terminated Hasashi, watched the neon sign that indicated that the diner was “open” flicker against the night. Dressed in black athletic jogger pants, a black zipped-up windbreaker jacket and a black hat with the bill curved and pulled down low to conceal his other-worldly eyes, the man watched from outside an abandoned building that sat adjacent to the diner. Arguably, the only physical trait that had changed about him was the hue of his eyes, shifting from a deep brown to a starkly bright  blue so pale that it nearly looked like ice had formed in his irises. These were the attributes of a cryomancer, and bastard Edenians, alike. Those of Edenian nature aged much slower than humans, living so long that tens of thousands of years was still considered to be in one’s youth. His hair remained raven in color though his skin did grow more pallid as though encrusted in frost, but not. The cryomancers had been banished from Edenia long before Bi-Han’s birth, but the genes that descended from the gods still carried on through himself and his brother, Kuai. Down the block, a group of young men were approaching the corner door of the diner, rowdy and raucous as they walked before ducking into the establishment. Taped hands rose from Bi-Han’s sides to bring the hood of his skim jacket up and over the top of his head, further obscuring his identity. He waited a few minutes to allow them to settle into their normal places to not rouse suspicion before crossing the slick city street. In all of the years of Bi-Han’s life, he had tuned his tracking abilities to be imperceptible.

His intel told him that a group of men, one that bore the mark of the dragon, frequented the very location nightly, as though a ritual amongst the friends. Bi-Han’s head never lifted as the bell on the handle of the door jingled to alert a new customer, and luckily, neither did theirs. His gaze remained to the lower-half of the room to not allow his face to be seen. The fluorescent lights that lined the ceiling in panels glared harshly in contrast against the natural darkness of the night he had waited in. Slipping into a corner table, the plastic-covered stuffing of the seat gave out a subtle hissed as it depressed beneath his weight. The group of men continued their merry occasion, joking and talking with elevated volume. The more attention they brought to themselves and detracted from himself, the better. It didn't take long for the waitress on shift to approach them, seemingly having a report with them as she used their names, engaging in banter with them as they shamelessly flirted with her. Her kind and clever rebuffs and deflection to their order inquiries showed that this was an occasional thing they did. She clearly wasn’t in the business of seeing any of them casually, yet they pushed the envelope with hope. Their nonchalance toward her left little disgust in Bi-Han’s mouth, but still, he surveyed. The fighter spared a moment to take in the new environment. The faded color scheme and furniture showed that the restaurant had not updated in some time, clearly struggling financially to keep afloat to bother with aesthetics. The tables were uneven as they stood and the seating creaked under pressure. The artwork that laid scarcely among the walls were drab and unappealing. Virtually everything that had been a polished metal before now rusted with weak infrastructure. The location was dying out, most likely kept in business by the nightly patronage of the subjects he followed in. 

Bi-Han focused all of his senses on the men, discreetly, as to not be noticed. He eavesdropped on their conversations, watched as they removed their outer-layers for any sign of the marking. He even committed bits of things they said to memory in the off-chance that it would aid him in his mission. His focus was solely on the group and everything they did. His gaze, though hidden beneath the bill of a hat, was fixated without any breaks, that is, until the image of an apron filled with pens and order tablets slid into his view. Bi-Han held his breath as the tell-tale spiel was about to be given to him. 

“Hi, there! I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before. My name’s Jill and I’ll be your waitress on duty tonight. What can I get you?” No matter where you went, every restaurant had the same, generic greeting. 

Holding his breath for a moment to consider his response, Bi-Han decided to play it cool, not wanting to garner any awareness of his existence. The woman was polite enough for him to not care about the disruption. While she had been tending to the object of his assignment he had been able to get a good look over on her. She was attractive with cream-like skin and smoky hazel eyes and hair the color of maple that sat in delicate, loose curls that cascaded down the sides of her face. She dressed semi-comfortably in a baggy button-up flannel shirt that she tucked into the waistband of her tapered jeans that clung to her ankles and simple shoes with her apron and a name badge in place. She kept her makeup natural and modest, which was a pleasant thing to come across with women. With an errant hand, Bi-Han, without tipping his face at all, flipped the menu on the table over to quickly peruse the refreshments section. Quickly, his eyes settled on his selection before speaking it aloud to her, though in a low, hushed tone.

“Green tea. Iced.” His tone was short and cold, as per usual with him, and he offered no opportunity to continue the conversation. He was there for a reason, after all.

With a curt nod, Jill fished a dense book of ordering tickets from her apron and a pen to scribble down the table number and order to keep her tabs in-line. Bi-Han could hear the sound of the ball-point pen against the paper, attuning himself to his surrounding once more.

“Iced green tea, coming right up. What’s uh… a name I can put on this order?” The waitress inquired with an arched brow as her teeth found the corner of her lips, nibbling gently in a nervous gesture. Bi-Han took another moment to contemplate his response. His true, given name was something that was well-known. Instead, he improvised.

“Brian.” He was blunt again, cutting to the chase without any inflection to invite casual conversation.

“Right. Iced green tea for Brian, coming right up.” Jill relayed before bouncing away from the table to fulfill his request. She caught on to his tone quickly and read it loud and clear.

Naturally his order was the first one to be completed. Jill returned with his drink in-hand, along with a wrapped straw and a saucer of potential add-ins for the beverage. Bi-Han offered a small nod to thank her, fixating his senses back on the group of men across the room. Absently, he unwrapped the straw and slipped it within the glass, taking absent sips through it to not reveal his face. The preparation in the States certainly didn’t do the authentic drink justice as it did in his native China, but still he managed to swallow it down as he kept his eyes on them. Although the drink had ice in it, it didn’t suit him. His hand reached around the cylinder, his fingers releasing their icy powers to chill it even further, finally making it satisfactory to his liking. Bi-Han sat with his back pressed against the glass window that separated himself from the outside world. The rain continued to fall, pelting against the window pane. He could just as easily end the waiting and watching. He could turn every plunging bead of water into a lethal bullet to litter all of the men in holes, taking care of every lead. Still, he blended into the foreground, motionless and silent.  He wasn’t sure how long the men would lounge in the diner but he would be observing for as long as they would be. Someone was bound to slip and reveal themselves, reveal their arcana… something. If Bi-Han was anything, he was patient.

[wherevermyway]

be your confessional (1/?) // minbin // 18+

chapter one: cherry-flavoured nicotine series navigation: [desktop] [mobile]

⚠ POTENTIAL TW: READ WITH CAUTION! ⚠ pairing: lee minho x seo changbin rating: explicit! 18+ warnings/tags: obsessive compulsive disorder, cults, religious guilt, internalized homophobia, past sexual assault, cheating, smoking, tattoos.  word count: 4,032 also on AO3

originally posted: 27 december 2020

It's been ten years since Changbin left the cult he was born into. He's been desperately trying to become a normal member of society, but sometimes it proves to be difficult. He has a normal office job, a normal roommate, and a normal life. At least he was trying.

this fic sounds a lot darker than it is. most of the dark things happened in the past and is briefly discussed/observed.

disclaimer: this is a work of fiction! any reference to persons in this work of fiction are purely coincidental. the characters referenced from Stray Kids are  interpretations loosely based on their personalities in the group and do  not represent the real people behind the personas. if this, or any of  the content included in the warnings above make you uncomfortable,  please stop reading now.

“Would you stay still? The Mark is going to come out imperfect if you keep moving.”

The voice felt like nails on a chalkboard, making Changbin nauseated just hearing it. He couldn’t help but twitch as the tattoo machine etched black lines into his skin, black ink and blood blending as the tattooist wiped at his chest.

To most sixteen-year-olds, getting a tattoo so early was a sign of rebelliousness, something to be envied by others. To Changbin, however, this was not a tattoo he would wear with pride. The X, surrounded by four triangles and enclosed in a circle, was something he felt shameful over.

“The X means you are nothing. You must follow the four principles: morality, service, responsibility, and submission to be whole, much like the circle. That is The Mark.”

The words hurt more than the tattoo being carved into his sternum. Everyone in their fellowship was forced to get The Mark at sixteen, if born into it, or when they were deemed worthy after joining.

Changbin didn’t want this. He didn’t want to be marked with a brand that rendered him unworthy, as nothing more than a pawn to some bullshit deity that some power-hungry man came up with fifty years ago. He loved his parents, he truly did, but he never understood why they fell for the words that The Leader spat out every week. The Leader wasn’t even charismatic; perhaps his parents were just vulnerable and stupid.

It didn’t matter.

“Wear your Mark with pride, Son,” The Leader whispered in his ear, continuing to dig his nails into Changbin’s wrists. “You are one with The Universe, one with Us, one with Me. Together, we are one in responsibility.”

“One in morality,” the tattooist nodded.

“One in service,” his father continued.

There was a pause as Changbin tried to choke back tears. He knew he had to complete the oath, but the lump in his throat and the burning of the skin on his chest made it difficult. The Leader cleared his throat, digging his nails into Changbin’s skin further, until he cried out and shook his head. “One in submission!”

One in submission.

Fuck submission.

Changbin nearly fell off of his bed as he thrashed awake. He was unable to make sense of his surroundings, trying to calm his rapid breathing and focus his eyes on something, on anything. He hated this nightmare; it haunted him for years, and they were increasing in frequency again.

It was irrational, but he needed to make sure. Changbin kicked his sheets off of him, untangling his legs from the prison his sheets tried to trap him in. As he made his way to his feet, he tore off his shirt, haphazardly throwing it somewhere across his room.

He needed to make sure.

Moving towards the washroom was mechanical, automatic. He did this so many times, waking up in the middle of the night to run off and check his skin. It was 37 steps from his bed to the sink. 37 steps to security.

Step 35: collide with the door.

Step 36: turn the light on.

Step 37: stare at the tired reflection in the mirror.

A wave of relief washed over Changbin as he stared at the dark raven that sprawled across his chest, wings touching the tips of his shoulders and the open beak pointed up towards his left shoulder. It held a deep meaning to him, but it was more important that it completely covered up that stupid fucking mark.

It hid away the years of guilt and shame, the obsession and compulsion that came along with conforming to each intricate, demanding rule that the cult ordered. The years of pain would never be totally washed away, but it was getting easier with each passing day.

“Hey,” a tired voice from the doorway startled Changbin, causing an electric jolt to course through his body. He turned his head over his shoulder and stared, blinking a few times to make sure it was really his roommate, Jisung, standing there.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” he sleepily mumbled, nervously rubbing the tip of his shoulder with his thumb as he nibbled on his lip ring.

Jisung leaned up against the door, running his fingers through his vivid red hair. “You didn’t. I was already awake. Besides, it’s almost 5:30, so I figured I’d just get up and deal with the day.” They stared at each other for a moment, before Changbin turned back to look at his reflection in the mirror.

“You ever think it’s gonna stop, the nightmares?”

“Dunno,” the redhead shrugged as he met Changbin’s eyes in the mirror. “It’s been awhile since you woke up like this, though. You gonna be okay when it comes up?”

It hadn’t been long since he woke up like this, it had just been a while since Jisung woke up to Changbin acting on his compulsion. The black-haired man sighed, biting at his lip as he ran his eyes over his skin. “I’ll get over it. Hopefully he gets what he deserves.”

Jisung took a step forward, softly gripping Changbin’s shoulder and smiling at him in the mirror. “I know you will, but don’t be afraid to lean on me, dude. I’ll be here to help you through it, I promise.”

“Thanks, man,” Changbin smiled back, then looked down to his hands, staring at the hangnails and scabs that had littered his fingers. He wanted nothing more than to tear into his skin and tear away the imperfections that he had created during one of his episodes. The momentary lapses in rationality, where he would ferociously tear his nails apart, rip off hangnails, the lapses were the only thing that made the intrusive thoughts stop.

“You wanna hit the gym early? I know you’re not gonna go back to sleep any time soon, so might as well be productive with our time.”

“Yeah,” Changbin sighed, looking at himself in the mirror one more time before he turned the light off. “Might as well.”

Ten days until the hearing.

“Good morning!”

Fuck. Changbin tried to stealthily roll his eyes as he walked into the office. He hated the paralegal, Lee Minho. Minho was everything Changbin was not: nice, loveable, innocent, and a good church boy who was pure. Everyone loved Minho, because he was safe, an easy pill to swallow. Changbin was not an easy pill to swallow; he was covered in tattoos, ears decorated with jewellery, hard around the edges, and abrasive to most people.

“Yeah,” Changbin grunted, trying to avoid saying much else as he made his way to his office. It was too early to deal with someone so chipper, not without copious amounts of caffeine.

“Wait!” Minho called after him, and Changbin didn’t bother to hide his disgust as he stopped. He heard the shuffling of papers, and then Minho was suddenly by his side. “Mr. Bang is away from the office today, and he told me to pass off some of the Dawson v. Doebring case off to you.”

“Walk and talk, then,” Changbin didn’t bother waiting for Minho to follow him. “If Chan’s out, that means we’re busy today.” There was an itch under his skin as he lost count of the steps from the front door to his office, and it made him tense.

There was a bit of a squeak that came from Minho as he followed Changbin to his office. “I’ve got your back, Mr. Seo.”

Changbin couldn’t hold back a groan as he stopped dead in his tracks. He hated when people addressed him by his last name. “Stop calling me that,” he took a step closer, getting into Minho’s face. “I keep telling you, only address me as Changbin.”

“But,” Minho started, nervously backtracking his words incoherently.

He looked at Minho with a pleading gaze, trying to not seem vulnerable. Part of him wanted to tear into Minho because they did this every week, but the pitiful look that Minho had painted on his face made Changbin feel like a horrible person. It felt like he was yelling at a child for something stupid and only out of frustration. “Please, just… don’t call me by my last name.”

Minho nodded his head and bit his lip.

“Thank you,” Changbin sighed, turning on his heel and beelining towards his office.

“Sorry, Changbin,” Minho said, curling into himself a bit as he trailed Changbin.

The younger man shrugged as he sat down at his desk. “Don’t worry about it, Minho. Just…” he let his voice trail off as he looked down at his stacks of paperwork. There was a lot to do before he was going to be absent for several days due to the hearing.

“Don’t pretend like you didn’t hear me. The leader deserves to die a slow, and painful death. Fuck this goddamned cult!”

That had earned Changbin a slap across the face from his father.

“Blasphemy is a sin, Changbin.” Despite being furious, his father’s voice was exhausted. He tiredly grabbed a black book off of the table and passed it to the young man. “You should be grateful that The Leader accepted you back into his embrace after the stunt you pulled.”

Changbin shook his head, grabbing the book his father offered and tossed it across the room, colliding against the vase on the dining table. “He should be fucking grateful I didn’t take this to the cops.”

Another slap to the face.

The younger man licked his teeth and shot an icy glare towards his father. “You know this isn’t right. You’re really going to side with that fucking monster over your own son?”

There was a painful silence that lingered in the air as they stared down one another, until his father broke the tension. He didn’t look like he wanted to say the words he had been thinking, but he repeated them anyways, his voice empty and distant.

“One in responsibility, one in morality, one in service, one in submission.”

Changbin didn’t bother. He scoffed as he took a step back, shaking his head in disbelief. “You’re as much of a monster as him, you know?” His mother sat on the couch, curled up into herself as she stared off in a dissociative trance, trying to remove herself from the situation. “You’re going to actively defend and dismiss the things your beloved leader has done to me? Did you forget that I’m your fucking son?”

There should have been a slap, but Changbin’s father just looked down. His expression was hard to read. There was a look of shame and a look of remorse, but his eyes were dead.

“Get out of my house.”

Changbin’s mother lifted her head, opening her mouth to say something, but nothing came to fruition.

“Don’t have to tell me twice,” Changbin shook his head. “I’m not living with someone that doesn’t stand up against their son being abused and assaulted for years by some fucking psychopath that thinks he’s a god.”

“Come back here!” His father demanded, but Changbin was having none of it.

He turned on his heel and tried to remain composed as tears rolled down his face. “You’re both dead to me. I hope that, when this whole fucking cult gets torn apart, you both come down with it all.”

It had been ten years since he had seen his parents last, and he would be seeing them again in ten days.

“You’re making your fingers bleed,” Minho’s voice pulled Changbin back from the depths of his memories. “Are you okay, Changbin?”

No, I’m not okay. Never have been.

“It’s fine,” he grumbled, grabbing a tissue from the box on his desk. “Sometimes happens when I think too hard.” Ten days. He was still partially lost in the abyss of the past, and he was afraid he’d never fully shake the vise grip that the cult had around him.

Minho frowned, setting his notepad and pen down on the desk in front of him. “Can I ask you something kinda personal?”

No. I don’t want you to know anything about me.

“What is it?” He blotted the tissue around his fingernails until the blood was mostly gone, then dropped the tissue in the bin.

The older man brushed his brown hair away from his eyes, and sat forward. “Is law school really worth it? How did you know it was right for you? Like, I see you and Mr. Bang spend months over these cases and part of me is interested in applying, but...”

Fix the imperfections.

Changbin stood up, trying to fight the urge to pick at his fingers. “Can this wait a minute? I need to go wash my hands off.”

Minho nodded his head once. “Sure, sure. I’ll finish making notes on this file.”

127 steps from his desk to the washroom. He counted every step mentally as he walked. Anything to keep his thoughts away from tearing the flesh next to his fingernails off in nervousness, not until he was alone.

Step 126: open the door.

Step 127: scan the room.

It was an additional three steps to the third sink. Three was a good number.

Changbin ran the water a bit too cold for comfort as he stuck his hands under the faucet, ravenously tearing at his hangnails, pulling them off and turning the porcelain of the sink a shade of pink for a split second. The blood would drip down, then rapidly desaturate and dissolve into the water.

Fix the imperfections.

He hated these thoughts. Sure, the medications he had been on helped, and the therapy appointments he sometimes went to had helped him with better coping mechanisms, but this was the only thing that made sense to him, that actually felt like there was a payoff of serotonin. Changbin didn’t tear into his skin because he liked it — it hurt, actually, and it was incredibly uncomfortable — but because his brain told him he had no other choice.

“Obsessive-compulsive disorder isn’t uncommon in cases like yours,” his therapist told him. “Children develop coping mechanisms like skin picking or excessive handwashing amongst other things to gain control in their lives when things don’t make sense and they don’t have a way to express that in a healthy manner. Anxiety disorders are common: obsessive-compulsive disorder, alcohol and/or drug use and abuse, eating disorders…”

“Fuck that goddamned cult,” Changbin whispered under his breath, his voice laden with venom. “Fuck that man, fuck my parents. Fuck all of them.”

He let the water wash over his hands until his hands started to shake from the cold. Anything to numb the pain.

“You look pale,” Minho had, again, given Changbin an unwanted statement, and the younger man gritted his teeth as he bit his tongue.

Fuck you, too, you prudish brat.

“How’s the case review?” He deliberately ignored the concern Minho had as he sat at his desk, clasping his hands together and resting his chin against his fingers.

Minho batted his eyelashes a few times, giving Changbin a look of worry. “The case review is fine, but I don’t know if we’re going to have this ready by the end of the week.”

“Guess we’ll have to work harder.”

The men sat in silence for hours, poring over their evidence for the case. When Changbin could fully immerse himself in a case like this, it dampened the intrusive thoughts in his head. He felt somewhat normal for a little while, and it was a welcomed change.

“It’s half past two, Changbin,” Minho whined, looking up from his paperwork. “Can we take a break for now?”

It took a moment for Changbin to pull himself away from the paragraph he was on, taking a highlighter to some of the words. “I assume you want to get something for lunch, right?” He didn’t bother looking away from the document, because he didn’t want to look at Minho’s sad eyes.

“That’d be nice, yeah.”

“Then go,” Changbin shrugged.

“You should eat something, too.” Minho leaned in on the desk, trying to get into Changbin’s line of sight. “Maybe take a break from all of this.”

“Fine,” Changbin sighed, grabbing his glasses off of his desk and adjusting them on his face. “Chan said I should be nicer to you, anyways. How about that French place down the street?”

Minho’s smile was soft, genuine. “That sounds perfect.”

Changbin hated the fact that Minho was so nice. It felt fake and unwarranted. He saw a lot of his younger self in the way that Minho acted: fake kindness, putting others before himself, a general sense of being lost. He knew that the other man was deeply wrapped up in some sort of religion that took up all of his time outside of work.

It wasn’t obvious until Changbin watched the way he talked about his fiancée. It felt like she was a prop or a chore: just another thing for Minho to deal with.

“Hey, congrats, man!” Seungmin, the other new paralegal, had excitedly shouted one day a few weeks prior. “Finally settling down like a real adult, huh?”

Changbin poked his head out of his office door, ready to scold the paralegals for being so loud, but the look on Minho’s face distracted him. For someone being congratulated, he looked incredibly uncomfortable.

“Yeah,” he had meekly said, sinking into his shoulders a bit as he darted his eyes around. “She’s great. My parents have been pushing me to bite the bullet for months now, and this weekend seemed like it felt right.”

Doesn’t look like it feels right.

Changbin stood in his doorway, observing the two of them chatter back and forth, watching the discomfort on Minho’s face every time Seungmin asked him questions about his fiancée. It was like he was trying to talk with a wedge of lemon in his mouth: constantly scowling and wincing.

“We’re gonna get married in a few months,” Minho said with a sigh. “Her parents want a winter wedding, and my parents just want me to get married.”

Seungmin shifted his weight to the other foot. “Dude,” he folded his arms, his tone turning more serious. “You sure about this?”

Minho shrugged. “Yeah. It’s what I’ve gotta do. Nobody else in my community waits this long to get married and start a family.”

Community.

Changbin tried to stifle a scoff with a fake cough when the two men noticed him standing there. “Sorry, I wanted to offer congratulations. I was also looking for the corporate notes for the Smith v. ParaCorp case, Minho.”

“Oh,” Minho nodded, his face flushing as he scrambled around his desk. “Yeah, I’ve got them somewhere, sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Changbin shook his head and turned to walk back to his office. “Just have them on my desk in a couple of hours.”

As much as Minho annoyed him, Changbin felt somewhat bad for him. He didn’t know the specifics of what all Minho was involved in, but it sounded deep-rooted and like he was stuck. Chan told him to try and be nicer to his paralegal, but sometimes annoyance won out over niceness, but he was at least trying.

Somewhat.

“So,” Changbin dug into his jacket and pulled out his vape cartridge as soon as he and Minho were outside, “how’s the wedding prep going?” He eyed Minho out of the corner of his eye as he inhaled, the cherry-flavoured nicotine cloud leaving his lips a moment later.

It was a rude question to ask, given the circumstances, but he wanted to try and confirm a theory that was burning in the back of his head, under the guise of caring about Minho’s personal life.

A theory that was slowly unravelling to be truth. Minho shrunk a bit, kicking a stray rock down the sidewalk as they walked. “It’s,” he paused, tucking his hands into his pockets, “I guess it’s going? Maria and her family are working on most of it.”

Go figure.

“You don’t seem very excited for a man that’s about to get married.”

They walked in silence for a bit. 40 steps from the entrance to the curb. The stoplight ahead of them was red, and cars rushed past them as the air lingering between them went stagnant.

“I’m not excited about it.” Minho’s voice was quiet, almost too quiet for Changbin to pick up on. “Not at all, actually.”

The younger man took another pull from his vape, then rolled his tongue over the stud in his lip. He should have pretended like he didn’t hear Minho, but curiosity always got the better of him. “Wanna talk about it? Sworn to client confidentiality.”

Minho scoffed, anxiously tapping the toe of his shoe against the ground. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t love her, do you?” The light turned green, the orange hand turning into a white stick figure, but neither of them moved.

The older man looked up, his eyes glistening a bit as they stared forward. Some stranger walked past them and flipped them off, but neither of them paid the stranger any mind. “Are you actually supposed to love someone you marry, or is that some sort of fairytale? All of my friends are married and secretly miserable.”

“Dunno,” Changbin sighed, sticking his hands into his pocket as he stared at the light turn into a flashing hand. “Never been married. Never planned on it.”

“Why are you asking me this, anyways?” Minho turned to look at Changbin, a disgruntled look on his face.

“Why did you answer me?” Changbin tilted his head a bit to the side, looking at Minho with indifference. “I figured you wouldn’t say anything if you didn’t really want to talk about it. To answer your question, though, it’s been bothering me since you announced your engagement. You looked uncomfortable when Seungmin brought it up.”

Minho didn’t answer Changbin, instead taking a hasty step forward as soon as the light flashed back to a white stick figure.

“Wait, Minho!” Changbin reached out, practically ripping Minho’s sleeve off of him as he pulled him back from the road right as a car ran a red light, nearly running into Minho. The force of the pull knocked them onto the sidewalk, causing Changbin to land hard against the ground, barely missing his head colliding into the concrete.

Minho awkwardly laid on top of Changbin, staring down at him with terrified eyes. He grabbed the sides of Changbin’s neck and panicked. “Oh my goodness,” he whined, “Changbin, are you okay?”

He’s cute from this angle. Fear looks good on him.

“I’ll be fine,” Changbin says, unsure of where to place his hands. He’d never been this close to another man his age. It never hit him before, but Minho was good looking. Had he not been the pure, innocent church boy type, he would have been Changbin’s type. Minho, however, was innocent and literally planning a wedding that was coming up in a few months.

“Changbin,” Minho whispered, his cheeks turning a shade of crimson. There was a strange tension between them, like the air around them was full of electricity and they were being pulled together. Minho dug his fingernails into Changbin’s neck, slowly bringing his head in closer.

Don’t kiss the church boy.

He knew where his hands needed to be. Changbin brought his hands up to Minho’s head without even thinking twice, pushing aside the intrusive thoughts running through his head. The warmth of the older man was intoxicating as he brought their lips together.

Minho responded in kind, pushing a bit further into the kiss. They were getting strange stares, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered but the euphoric energy that danced around them as they kissed. He pulled away, then pressed his lips to the older man’s three times in total.

Stop kissing the engaged church boy.

Maybe he would make it six times.

Don’t kiss the engaged church boy who is probably heavily traumatized.

Nine times. Three times three for good measure.

Changbin had just literally fallen for the church boy, but he felt like he was potentially metaphorically falling for him now. Fuck the intrusive thoughts.

[sinfullypassionate]

The Nanny - G.D.

summary: y/n’s helped grayson take care of his beautiful daughter since she was nine months old. over the years, she’s fallen head over heels for not only his daughter but grayson himself.

a/n: here’s my new fic i’m super excited for y’all phew pls enjoy

"Winnie, time for supper baby." She called out to the four year who was coloring in the living room.  She had made her favorite, chicken fingers with barbecue sauce. As she set the table, She heard her feet running down the hall and the older woman couldn't help but shake her head with a bright smile on her face.  "Y/N! Y/N! Look what I did!" The raven haired beauty showed her a picture she colored. It was a puppy with purple fur and pink eyes. "It's beautiful! Is it for me?" She asked the girl, picking her up. She nodded her head with a wide smile on her face, "Yeah! I'm glad you like it!" She giggled. "I'm gonna be coloring one for Papa before he comes home!" Winifred wiggled in her chair once she set her down. Y/N couldn't help but smile at her, she was so adorable. "Your Papa would love that." She said as she placed her favorite plate with a panda face on it, in front of her. "When is Papa gonna be home?" Questioned the four year old. "Soon, pumpkin. He had a meeting with uncle Ethan, but he promised to be home before you went to bed." She sat next to her and poured her a small glass of milk. "I miss him.." She pouted before taking a large bite of her chicken finger. "He misses you too, sweetheart. But, he'll be home soon!" She tapped her nose gently which caused the little girl to giggle.

As she watched her eat, she couldn't help but think about how much she looked like Grayson. She had his beautiful hazel eyes and her hair was a beautiful shade of brown just like his. Winnie was so beautiful and Y/N loved her, loved her with all her heart. She also loved him, but she was just the nanny. He had tons of girls throwing themselves at him who were ten times prettier than her and it hurt the woman sometimes; but right now what made her happy was watching that beautiful little girl who made her heart soar. If Gray had a new girlfriend, she rarely let them meet her. Winnie’s not her daughter but she feels like she is. Y/N had been her nanny since she was nine months old, so obviously she felt like she was her’s. See, what happened was Grayson met this girl back in Jersey when he went back for a few months with Ethan. They ended up hooking up and she got pregnant, she didn't want nothing to do with the baby and Grayson had always dreamed of being a dad so he just said fuck off to the girl and took full custody of baby Winifred when she was born and nine months later Y/N had her job.

Y/N walked into Starbucks, her sister’s daughter holding tightly onto her hand as her two older kids followed close behind. She had agreed to watch her nieces and nephew so her sister could have some much needed alone time with her husband. “tell me again why we decided to go into Starbucks?” Caroline grumbled, the fifteen year old staring down at her phone. “Because I wanted coffee since it’s almost ten am and we have errands to run.” the twenty one year old said. “gray, baby. go sit with your sister while i go order coffee okay?” Y/N said, smiling down at the twelve year old. “okay, Y/N! can i get a hot chocolate please?” the blonde haired boy asked, Y/N simply nodded before noting to also order one for the grumpy fifteen year old dirty blonde who was already sitting at the table.

picking up the three year old in her arms, Y/N held her tightly on her hip as she decided what she wanted to drink. “auntie, i’m hungy.” the three year old whined, “i know, punkin’. i have your snack in the car, just give me ten minutes okay?” she smiled, kissing her cheek. the little blonde haired girl just nodded and started playing with her aunt’s hair. finally deciding on a caramel macchiato, she walked up to the counter at the same time as probably one of the most beautiful human beings she’s ever seen. “oh, i’m sorry you can go first.” the male spoke and Y/N couldn’t help but look down at the adorable little sleeping baby in the stroller. “oh my god, so precious.” Y/N spoke, a smile on her face.

“thanks, she’s six months old. her name’s Winifred.” spoke the beautiful hazel eyed boy. “and who’s this cutie? she yours?” he asked. Y/N simply shook her head, a soft smile still on her lips. “this is my beautiful niece aurora. say hi, rory.” Y/N said, giggling a little as the shy little three year old simply just waved before burring her face into her aunt’s neck. “she’s always shy around strangers.” the girl spoke, just as the mysterious male was about to open his mouth up ran grayson. “auntie! caroline won’t let me borrow her phone charger to charge my tablet.” the twelve year old rolled his eyes. “gray, i’ll literally be done here in like twenty minutes. you can clearly just read a book, there’s one in my purse.” she simple stated before shooing her nephew away. “sorry about that, grayson and his sister fight all the time. i swear, i have no idea how my sister handles it.” she laughed. “wait, did you just say his name was grayson?” the male questioned, cocking his head to the side. “yeah..” Y/N said slowly, not understanding where the stranger was going with this.

“my name’s grayson too. grayson dolan.” grayson said, shooting her a wide smile. that’s when it clicked, she knew he looked super familiar. caroline was completely obsessed with the dolan twins and Y/N would be lying if she said she didn’t watch a few videos with her niece just to stare at grayson. “my sister’s husband is gonna be pissed. he thought grayson was a unique name.” she shook her head, giggling. “how old is your sister?” grayson asked, gently moving the stroller that held Winnie since he heard her fuss. “Twenty four, Caroline and Gray are her step kids. she’s been with her husband since she was twenty and they just got married a year ago when this little one was two.” she tickled her nieces belly which caused her to giggle. “and you’re taking on watching all three because?” Grayson questioned, chuckling a little. “I’ve always been good with kids plus I love spending time with them.” Her face seemed to light up at those words. Grayson couldn’t help but smile as she spoke, she just lit up like a Christmas tree when she talked about taking care of kids. Gray could always read people very well and there was something about Y/N that he couldn’t shake. She had a good soul and he wanted to get to know her better. “How about I buy you a coffee and we get to know each other a little?” Grayson smiled at her which caused Y/N’s heart to skip a few beats.

the girl smiled at him before frowning, “I have so many errands to run and I wish-“ before she could finish, Grayson cut her off. “Drive your car over to my place and we can go together. All four kids and us.” He suggested. This wasn’t like Grayson at all, he didn’t even know this girl yet here he was offering to take her around just to get to know her. Y/N was a bit taken back as well but the second she saw his smile, she knew she couldn’t say no. “I’d love too, also please get ready to get hounded a little. Caroline absolutely loves you and your brother.... Evan right?” She made a face. Grayson just chuckled, “Ethan but close and don’t worry, we love our fans.” He told her before picking up Winifred once she started crying. Taking out his wallet, he handed Y/N his card. “Get whatever you like, I’m gonna go change her real quick.” Before she could even protest, grayson was already heading to the bathroom with his daughter in hand.

Y/N and Grayson got to know each other over the next few months and when Winnie turned nine months, Gray asked if she would become her nanny and Y/N didn’t even hesitate. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t grow quite attached to the little bundle of joy over the course of three months. Y/N’s been with her every day since and she wouldn’t change it for the world. Once Winifred was done eating, she leaned up to kiss her cheek, "Thank you, Y/N!" She giggled before running off back into the living room. She just smiled before cleaning up the mess she made in the kitchen, Y/N usually ate when she was sleeping or when she got home. The twenty five year old lived about thirty miles away, but it was so worth the drive there and back every day because she adored Winifred and Grayson counted on her. Hours had passed and it was now time for Winnie’s bath and then Grayson would be home to tuck her in like he always did. No matter where he was or what he was doing, he'd always make sure he'd be home to tuck her in. "Winnie, sweetheart. It's time for your bath." Y/N walked into her bedroom, to see her playing with her barbies. "Nooo! I'm playing!" She whined as she changed her barbie's clothes. "Winifred Lisa Dolan.." the woman looked at her, arching her eyebrow and placing her hand on her hip. The second Winnie saw that plus hearing her whole name; she instantly threw her barbie down, hopped up on her feet and ran to the bathroom.

Twenty minutes later, her bath was over and Y/N was currently brushing her raven haired locks as she stood on her bed. Y/N then heard the door downstairs open and close, the four year old started getting excited knowing her papa was home. "Win, hold on baby. I'm almost done." She told her, as she gently held her shoulder as she continued to brush her hair. Y/N seriously couldn't get over the fact on how much Winifred loved Gray, and just how much he loved her. It was so precious, she loved when they were together. Sometimes, Y/N really wished Winnie was her’s and they were a family but being her nanny was enough for the older woman. "Okay, sweetheart you're-" Y/N couldn't even finish her sentence before the little four year old was already off her bed and out the door. Y/N soon followed her, smiling as she saw Grayson crouch down to her level to pick her up and spin her around. "Princess! I missed you so much!" He held his daughter so tight the girl thought her head was going to pop off. "I missed you too!" She giggled as he kissed her face. Yawning, she cuddled into her papa and Y/N knew she wanted to stay up and spend some time with him but Gray just picked her up and carried her to bed even though she was fussy. "Honey bunches, you need sleep. Papa will be here when you wake up okay?" He told her, smiling as he placed her in bed kissing her forehead. "Okay, Papa. I love you.." The second her head hit her pillow, she out like a light.

When he took her up to bed, Y/N finished cleaning up the house before walking to the window and pulling the blind down. There was a massive storm coming and she was a little nervous to go home. She turned around and jumped a little when she saw Grayson standing there. "You seriously scared the living hell out of me, Mr. Dolan!" She placed her hand over her heart and giggled a little. "Y/N, for the millionth time in the span of four years.. call me Grayson." He told her, chuckling as he shot her his beautiful pearly white smile that caused her heart to do flips. "Sorry, sorry. I forget sometimes." The woman giggled once again before walking over to the door and slipping on her shoes. She grabbed her purse and jacket before sliding the fabric over her arms. "I should really get going, there's a massive storm coming and I'd rather not get stuck in the middle of it." Y/N simply said as she dug her keys out of her purse. "Or you know... you could just stay the night?" He rubbed the back of his neck as he gave her a half smile. "Are you sure? I don't wanna impose.." Y/N looked down at her feet, clicking her heels together. "Y/N, you take care of my daughter. I think having you stay the night so you don't get stuck in some storm, isn’t you imposing." he chuckled a little. "Yeah, I guess that' s probably the right thing to do. I'll just sleep in the spare room, yeah?" She peeled off her jacket before hanging it back up and kicking off her shoes.

"Or you could just lay with me in my bed?"

[dahvangogh]

and empty words are evil | Jason Todd

[masterlist]

[ prologue | one | two ] 

CHAPTER ONE

“Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.”

– Anais Nin

“How to be single and satisfied at the same time?” Daniel reads the headline out loud, his eyes skimming through the cover of It Girl with curiosity.

Grace hums out loud, thinking the question over while chewing her bottom lip.

“Masturbating, for sure,” Lisa says without missing a beat, Grace only seeing the top of her blonde head because of how burrowed on the laminated menu she was.

The raven-haired laughs loudly –she can’t help it–, but poor Daniel, red tinting his face, starts looking around in case anyone at the dinner has heard them and was giving them any dirty looks.

“Relax, Dan. No one cares.” Grace pats him on the shoulder.

Lisa seems to have forgotten her menu and is now staring fully at Dan, a wicked smile appears on her purple-painted lips, completely ready to bug him.

“Don’t… Leave him alone, Lisa.” Grace quickly chastises her, even kicking her under the table for emphasis, for Lisa can be the most annoying person ever when she wants to. “And Dan, no one is paying any attention to us. Relax.”

Dan is still looking around, his face finally back to its natural color.

“It seems… everyone is paying attention to the tv?”

Pauli’s Diner is crowded, every booth full and a long queue that reaches from the counter to the door. The usual. Yet everyone’s attention, even the four waitresses, seems to be on the tv. Grace also focuses on the big tv, which is placed high at the back of the diner wall, three booths away from theirs. It is on and showcasing a newswoman reporting about something, but without the sound and no headlines or subtitles below to indicate what she was talking about, Grace is left with more questions than answers.

“I think something happened.” Dan sounds between scared and resigned.

The three of them look at each other, then almost comically pull out their phones at the same time. Something always happens in Gotham –the city that never rested–, and it was a common occurrence to check the Gotham Gazette App every day. After all, any good Gothamite knows that to be well informed is the key to survival in such an insane and restless city.

“Fuck. I swear if that madman of Zsasz has escaped again, I will hunt him down and drag his ass to the Asylum myself,” Lisa grunts; her pale brows furrowed tightly. “Fucking load already, stupid App!”

Grace focuses on her screen, the app taking more time than usual to load.

“Mine too…” Dan’s answers in his usual hushed voice. Then, he starts chewing on his lip, worry all over his face.

A big headline pops on Grace’s screen –the App finally deciding on working–,  and she sighs happily after reading it.

“Seems an aircraft has fallen to the Sprang River; 20 people are currently missing and the rescue team is doing everything in their power to get to them.” She literally reads out loud the last words, happy that no madman is out and about on the city. “Nothing about Zsasz, sorry Lisa.”

Her two friends exhale the air they had been holding.

“Seems your impromptu date with Zsasz will have to wait.” Grace kicks her friend’s leg again, but this time just to annoy her.

Lisa shows her the middle finger.

“No, but for real. After last time, I don’t think he is going anywhere.” The raven-haired reminds them. “He killed 5 people until Batman and young Robin stopped him.”

Grace sees Dan gulp.

“Yeah, after escaping. Again.” Lisa sounds mad, which is understandable after living in Gotham for five years, and seeing all the hurt Zsasz has caused many Gothamites. “And one of them was my neighbor!”

Dan sighs, remembering her.  “Oh, that poor woman…”

“She was a mean bitch, though,” Lisa adds as if it is vital information.

Grace can’t help but to huff.

“Lisa!”

Suddenly, one of the waitresses appears at their booth. With a sheepish smile painted on her serene face, –probably because of how much they had had to wait– she asks them what they would like to order.

Lisa happily asks for a sandwich and a banana smoothie, –as if the last conversation has never happened– but quickly rectifies and changes for a big portion of the chocolate cake instead of the sandwich. The waitress, Marge by what the badge on her blouse, agrees with the blonde and sings praises about how good it is. Then, her attention goes to Dan, asking him sweetly what he would like to order.

The boy, who has never liked being the center of attention, turns bright red again. Shyly, he orders a cappuccino and one of their famous big chocolate cookies, all the while his eyes are zooming on the table instead of her.

When she turns to her, Grace feels as if she has been punched on the stomach.

The waitress aura, white and bright as any other, is twinkling and shaking from pure anxiety.

“What about you, sweetheart?” The old lady asks kindly, her face completely composed despite what her aura said of her.

The contrast between her aura and her facial expression is starting to freak Grace out. Nevertheless, she tries to focus on the present, on what she is feeling, on where she is and, more importantly, on what she wants to fucking eat. Which is really obvious if you know her, by the pointed looks of Lisa and Dan.

“I want a yogurt and banana smoothie, please.”

Marge hums.

“Be right back, then.”

Then, Lisa quickly starts rambling about what they should do on the weekend, something about the opening of a new club in town, but the raven-haired girl can’t pay enough attention to the get on the conversation. Marge’s soul is making it hard for her to concentrate; she even starts rubbing her hands together instinctively as if to distract herself.

She says fuck it and turns around.

The old waitress looks as composed as before, preparing their orders with the help of another girl while looking at the tv. But if Grace focuses hard enough, she can clearly depict Marge’s aura still shaking and twinkling, perhaps even more so than before. Despite training hard to control it, Grace still sometimes is unintentionally receptive to other people’s feelings –almost like an antenna would, she can perceive them and even go as far as toying with them.

This woman is anxious and worried, and Grace doesn’t even know how she isn’t shaking physically.

And Grace, being the sympathetic girl that she is, can’t help but take pity on the poor woman and break her own rules.

She extends her hand, scanning before that no one is paying her any attention, and then lowers it slowly.

Marge’s aura calms at the same time that her hand motion stops, and it no longer twinkles.

Though the lights in the room go crazy for a few seconds.

Grace has to thank whatever God exists, or even the Cosmos, that small tasks such as this one  don’t make her hands or her whole self glow with the usual green-bluish energy.

She still remembers the hilarious comment that once a crewmember of the Serbian Mafia made when he saw her appear out of nowhere, floating in the sky, just minutes before she brought hell upon them. Her, attired in her tight black suit and black domino mask, surrounded by bright green-bluish energy floating in the black sky while defying gravity.

And instead of running away, hide or even shot at her, he placed his hands on his hips and said out loud impressed:

“What the fuck? She looks like Goku Super Saiyajin!”

Grace can’t hold now the giggle that escapes her lips.

“What the hell?” Lisa’s voice brings her back to the present, and to the diner.

The raven-haired girl turns around and looks at her friends, smiling as if nothing had just happened, while blinking innocently.

“Sorry, you were saying?”

[ –    –    – ]

The pencil runs all over her sketchpad, quietly humming along to Stevie Wonder’s Superstition while drawing the sun setting between the skyscrapers. It looks spectacular from her high-ceiling windows. Grace’s weird obsession –despite her psychologist telling time and time again to her that it isn’t exactly a bad thing– of drawing beautiful things, or anything she believes is beautiful to her own standards, has made her sit down and try to make it justice.

Despite having to get ready for a night out with Lisa.

“Just fifteen minutes more and you will get ready.” She sets an alarm, just as Dr. Carson had advised her to do, and keeps drawing happily.

The oranges, in light and deep tones, together with the goldens of the sun setting almost make her forget about any advice, psychologist and nightclub.

And so she keeps going, her sketch pencil running through the page.

She has always felt privileged for owning an apartment in Gotham Village, where only the rich dwelled and played, with amazing views and almost non-existent criminality –which is surprising to say the least in this damned city–. It is the place where she could find herself being happy or at least, try to be normal.

But she misses going out and doing her thing as she did back in Europe.

Grace sighs, chewing on her already-chewed sketch pencil and stops drawing, hugging her legs to her chest.

When she had moved to Gotham almost a year ago, she had wanted to set aside her “dangerous hobby” and live a normal life. Like Lisa or Dan did.

After what had happened to her six years ago, she had used her family’s connections and pulled some strings so she could go and study in a European country. Away from Central Park and New York. There in Berlin, Grace had trained with an Israeli private trainer, Isaac, in Krav Maga until achieving a black belt and her expert five patch. Initially, she had started with just wanting to know the basics, a bit for self-defense and that’s it. Until one day, on a Friday night while she was watching The News, she saw another rapist just get five to ten years in jail and a pat on his shoulder. It had made her so furious that all the windows on her apartment exploded. Moreover, it was in that exact moment, while floating in the middle of her room with her whole being surrounded by the weird bright green-bluish energy and feeling full of rage, that she knew she could try and make a difference, for those who had power were clearly not doing anything.

The next day, after paying the window installer for she had no windows after last night’s debacle, she had asked Isaac about what he would wear, hypothetically of course, if he went to a fucking battle. At first, her trainer had answered that his military uniform but then he had rambled on and on about how a suit of Kevlar thread paired with a good armor would be the best choice if he could afford it.

So Grace, after debating all day whether to do it or not, had called her father that same night and had asked him to find someone who could build it for her.

Matthew Henderson had asked many questions, but she had just told him that in due time she would tell him. Just not now.

He had refused and straight-up hang up.

Later that same night, wide awake and after seriously considering to just wing it and buy a superhero costume from a cosplay online shop, her father had miraculously called again and accepted.

She really was his spoiled little girl.

Grace had flown to New York, the city that she now loathed with a passion, and had her measures taken. The guy who created it made the suit so it fit her like a glove – the downside to that? she had to be careful with what she ate.– It was tight, full-body and with high heeled boots to make her seem taller –after all, she couldn’t go around looking like a gremlin while also fitting crime. A pair of matching black gloves and a domino mask were also made.

After that, before putting the suit, she had not only trained to be the best at Krav Maga but also had learned a few other things –fighting with knives and how to use a gun properly, yet she still preferred to this day using her powers and Krav Maga–. A year and a half later, she had made her debut on Berlin’s streets.

In those years, she had killed many rapists, abusers and pedophiles. Delivered a few petty thieves and robbers to the nearest police station like Santa Claus would do on Christmas Eve, even going as far as tying them up and sticking a note on their foreheads explaining what they had done wrong. She really had been a good samaritan. A few encounters here and there with the Serbian Mafia and the Triad too.

Moreover, she might have done some petty thievery here and there, just to add a bit of spice to her life, but mainly she had been a good girl.

And fuck, she misses doing those things.

It was fun.

A bit dangerous, yes, but fun.

When you have powers beyond your imagination and are able to do some good, why would you step back and live a normal boring life?, she tries to reason with herself every night.

Yet back then in one of her many Skype sessions with Lisa, her childhood best friend, she had realized how empty and alone she had been feeling.

She had superpowers, at 23 she had her damn degree and had been studying to further her education even more, had also a lovely apartment, and yet she felt more lonely than ever.

And loneliness is a dangerous thing.

So, when she had told her good old friend, while omitting a certain hobby she had, of how she was feeling, the blonde had just replied with:

“Come to Gotham! We could live together and the city is fun. Trust me, you will never get bored here.”

Grace chuckles when remembering that. In the next twenty-four hours, she had packed her things, had said goodbye to her colleagues from University, and then hopped on a plane.

She has to give it to Lisa, Gotham city is everything but boring.

Gotham honors its name with its gloomy atmosphere, high buildings and horrible weather. The city is probably Tim Burton’s wet dream. You can find gargoyles in many of the buildings façades, many nights the city is covered in a thick fog, it has an Asylum for the worst of the worst with a high rate of escapees, an absurdly high rate in criminality and many bat-related vigilantes coming out at night to play.

Oh, and the many deranged individuals that play around Gotham like it is a child's’ dream playground.

Lisa had filled her in during those six years on her weekly Skype sessions about those individuals and so she knew most of them before she had placed a foot on the city. Gotham City has the Joker, currently-for-who-knows-how-long-because-he-always-escapes locked in Arkham Asylum, a psychopathic clown who had a weird obsession and ongoing feud with Batman; Two-Face, a half-burned crime lord obsessed with duality and the number two; the Penguin, another crime lord who looked like his namesakes and wore a monocle and umbrella; Poison Ivy, a stunning woman (Lisa said so, her gayness clearly showing here) who was an eco-terrorist and could control nature; and the list could go on and on for ages to no end.

So, her current life in Gotham is never dull or boring. She is working on a renowned and bohemian art gallery in the city, has an amazing apartment –she had tried living with Lisa but they had almost ended fistfighting with each other over a jar of marmalade–, can meet her best friends every day if she wanted, and is continuing her studies at the local University.

But she would be lying if she said she doesn’t miss going out and doing her thing.

Even drawing and painting, the thing that had always distracted her from suiting up and going out, was starting to not divert her attention as it normally would.

Her alarm starts going off.

“I really don’t want to go out.” she sighs loudly, as if someone would pat her on the shoulder and tell her not to go. “I hate partying and crowded places.”

Grace chews her already-very-chewed sketch pencil while walking all the way to her wardrobe.

She has to get ready or Lisa will probably scream her ear off for making her wait.

Though she is always late.

[ –    –    – ]

Grace, setting aside her ex-extracurricular activities, has always hated going out and now she remembers clearly why she does.

The night would always begin as good as it could possibly be. Lisa and her looking bomb would march to a nightclub, then the club would be buzzing with activity and music, they would have a few drinks and perhaps even dance a bit if the music was any good.

Then Lisa would start flirting with any of the cute waitresses and end up, don’t ask her how, with their tongue almost reaching her throat.

Lisa visibly looked like a terrible kisser, she always reminded Grace of a lifeguard doing mouth-to-mouth, and so she never understood why would the women always end up going God-knows-where to probably fuck.

And so then she would end up all alone, surrounded by sweaty bodies while going deaf by the loud music, and nursing a drink.

Tonight is no different from the usual, but she is tired. Her head hurts from overthinking too much all day long and the high heels are killing her.

Grace decides it is time to call it a day and head back home.

She quickly sends a message to Lisa, who is probably very busy with the cute blonde-haired waitress, and stands up from her barstool.

Hey girl, hope you are having fun with the redhead girl wherever you are.

As you left me alone, as usual (don’t fret, i’m used to it lmao) I have decided to stop being a pathetic human being and go home.

Call me tomorrow, but don’t even think of giving me any details. I don’t care about your sexual life.

Bye, bitch. xx

PD: text me when you GO home and when you GET home, it isn’t safe out there.

The raven-haired sighs.

She has to hit the bathroom before calling her uber though.

Too many drinks.

[ –    –    – ]

♡ Here, in this fancy shithole, Lucy Ross lost her virginity ♡

Grace sniggers, the situation completely reminding her of some of the type of things she had seen written back then on her high school’s cubicles’ walls.

She sighs happily while finally peeing.

Suddenly, the screams of a high pitched voice and the sound of glass shattering continually almost makes her fall off the toilet.

“Fuck! Fuck!”

She grabs some toilet paper and when she is finished cleaning herself, she pulls her panties up as quickly as possible. Grace holds her breath. It is one person, a female by the sound of the colorful series of profanities she is screaming, and Grace doesn’t need to check her aura to know how angry she is.

Though just in case, she takes a peek.

She focuses on her own aura, then changes her focus towards the other one in the bathroom, even going as far as closing her eyes to discern it much better –without stepping out and risking getting hurt.

It is shining as bright as the sun, but trembling and roaring with despair and sadness. The fact that the poor female isn’t angry surprises her.

Grace takes a deep breath, preparing herself for whatever she is going to face after stepping out of the enclosed and safe space where she is.

When she opens the door, almost scared of what she might see after reading the aura, the sight of a blonde woman headbutting the bathroom’s big mirror isn’t at all what she had expected.

The girl doesn’t even pay her any attention, clearly busy trying to crack her skull open, and so she keeps doing it, even adding some punches to the mix.

Grace can’t let her hurt herself this way.

“Hey, hey, hey!” She has to stop her before she kills herself, or gives herself a concussion if she is lucky enough. “Stop! Stop!”

Grace grabs the blonde by the waist, as if trying to separate her from the mirror, and pulls her against herself.

Next thing she knows, the blonde answers her with a chokehold and then sends her flying over her shoulder without breaking a sweat.

Her body collapses against the same toilet she had been peeing seconds ago, tearing the door from its fringes in the process. However, because her pain tolerance is higher than normal, Grace just grunts and answers right back.

The raven-haired extends her hand, a bright green-bluish glowing around it, and makes a motion towards the sinks. Now the blonde girl is the one being sent flying but this time towards the mirror she had been shattering just before and the sinks.

Grace stands up, her back killing her even more than usual, and approaches the blonde sitting with her back against the shattered mirror.

Weirdly enough, the girl instead of being knocked out is looking at her as if she is Jesus Incarnated. There is wonder all over her face.

“You are so paying for the damages.” the raven-haired quickly points out but then stops herself.

She can’t help but examine her for serious injuries. After all, she had been head-butting the mirror three seconds ago and then sent flying to it –on self-defense though–. But despite all the blood that is running down her forehead, she seems more than fine. Happy even, just gazing at her.

“What the hell?” she can’t help but voice her thoughts out loud.

The raven-haired almost falls backwards when the girl —who is clearly not right in the head— jumps to hug her tightly, mumbling “yes” nonstop while jumping up and down like an excited child.

The blonde girl pulls back, black eyeshadow and glitter smeared around her big blue eyes, and her black-painted lips start smiling almost manically.

“You! You!”

Grace blinks several times, completely lost for words. Then she sighs, trying to get back to the present time.

“Are you out of your mind?” she asks her, completely serious.

“No, I’m Harley Quinn and you...” the blonde points at her, smiling cheekily. “You are my new best friend.”

The raven-haired girl can still hear Lisa, in one of their many Skype sessions, telling her snippets of information here and there about Harley Quinn.

“She is definitely insane. For a long time, she was the partner in crime of Joker and dated that nutter. Girl… the things she has done are something else. Anyways, then she left him and joined a girl band… No, kidding. But Catwoman, Poison Ivy and her did start hanging out and creating some mayhem.”

Again, Grace doesn’t know what to say.

“Let’s go have a drink!”Harley links one of her pale arms with hers, then starts dragging her out of the bathroom.

[ –    –    –  ]

They both sit on a VIP booth with an exceptional view of the dance floor and enough privacy to plot the murder of the current President. The loud music is now faint and low. At the glass low table, there is a big metal ice bucket with two expensive-looking champagne bottles and two glass flutes nearby.

Harley is sitting on the other side of the table, her maniacal smile still on and with her legs crossed, while Grace sits on the other side in the U velvety couch.

She scans her, now fully seeing her for who she is.

Her hair is up in a messy bun, which is dyed in blue and pink, lipstick smeared from probably drinking too much and her clothes are as eccentric-looking as the wearer is. She is wearing what seems like a dog collar, a very sparkling sequin red crop top matching with a penguin sequin dark jacket, striped high-waisted dark pants, and red neon high-heeled boots.

“Interesting choice of clothes.” she can’t help but say, then nods to her neck. “Nice collar, too.”

Harley smiles, almost childlike.

“Bud and Lou hate wearing it, so I decided to put their dog tags on one and wear it to honor them. Cool, right?”

Grace raises an eyebrow.

“Bud and Lou are…?

The blonde laughs loudly, a hand going to her flat stomach.

“My hyenas, silly!”

Then gets serious, so suddenly that Grace almost jumps from such a radical change of demeanor, and picks up one of the champagne bottle on the ice bucket.

“Sounds cool.”

It is all she can say.

But Harley doesn’t pay her any attention, furiously shaking the bottle up and down until it pops. She laughs fascinated by it, then pours some on both flutes and gives her one.

“Anyways!” she cries out loudly, then sips a bit of the champagne while staring at her, doe-eyed. “I kinda need your help.”

Grace takes a sip too.

“My help?” The raven-haired gets comfortable on the couch, a bit curious about the whole thing. After all, it isn’t every day you have a conversation with the infamous Harley Quinn. “You have just met me, Quinn.”

Harley opens her mouth – almost fish-like–, but Grace points a finger, interrupting her.

“Also, you are paying for the damn damages of the bathroom!”

The blonde enthusiastically nods, even going as far as to salute her military-style, all while smiling cutely.

Grace can’t help but smile back.

Harley Quinn is a very cute girl.

“So, will ya help me?”

She blinks a few times.

“With what?”

“Well, you see… it’s a long story.” Harley says, dragging the long while saying it. Then, she takes another loud sip of her flute. “When Mista J an’ I broke up for the hundred’ time, I decided it was time to emancipate myself! I started hanging out more with my besties, adopted many cute pets, hooked up with hot-billionaire Bruce Wayne once  an’ even changed ma’ hair.”

Grace raises a thick brow, surprise all over her face.

“You hooked up with Bruce Wayne? The Bruce Wayne?”

Harley shakes her hands nonchalantly.

“Just kissed an’ groped his ass. Very tight and firm!”

Grace laughs at that and Harley joins her.

“Anyways, anyways. My friend Selina had just recently gotten a heart surgery an’ Red an’ I were helping her out on some things, then decided to live together. We had so much fun together! So, so, so much! We ran Gotham, the boys couldn’t keep up! And… Pammy an’ I… we fell in love.”

The blonde sighed happily, blowing raspberries into her glass flute.

“Pammy is Poison Ivy, right?”

Harley nods with a happy smile, but her face quickly contorts in one full of hatred and disgust.

“But Batnight ruined everything!”

The dark-haired girl scratches her temple, trying to remember the names of all the vigilantes of Gotham City, but she can’t remember anyone called Batnight.

“I don’t… I don’t recall any Batnight?” Grace chews her bottom lip, completely lost. “Is he new in town or…?

Harley shakes her head effusively, a clear no, while moving closer so her butt is now placed on the verge of the couch.

“He has sticks!” the blonde points out as if to help her distinguish who the vigilante is.

Grace takes that into consideration.

“Batnight… Batnight… Bat… Night… Night?.” Grace mumbles out loud while Harley nods along to what she is saying. “Nightwing!”

“That’s what I said!”

Grace opens her mouth to correct her, then closes it. She thought Nightwing now patrolled on Blüdhaven instead of Gotham City. Then, she opens her mouth again to ask about it but decides on not doing, Harley’s tale is already making her head hurt a bit. There is no need to enlarge the story even more.

“Red was helping her plants, ya’ know. Doing some good for nature, an’ the Batnight took her down!” Harley places her flute on the table with ferocity, making it shatter. Nevertheless, she is still looking at her with shiny eyes. “Now, Red is at GCPD Lockup, an’ in a week will be taken to the Asylum! Unjustly!”

The blonde starts to sob desperately, putting her hands to her face so it is hidden from her, and Grace sighs silently. While she stands up and approaches her, she checks her aura.

It is shinning and twinkling furiously, Grace can feel the sadness and sorrow the woman is feeling.

She is not lying.

Grace sits beside her and pats her back slowly.

With a kind smile, she asks her: “And because of what I did in the bathroom, you want me to help you?”

Grace is really an empathic girl, she can’t help it.

Harley drops her hands to her lap and looks at her, her eyeshadow and glittery mascara even more messed up than before. Then, almost shyly, nods.

“I… I have…. “ the woman hiccups while her pale fist starts rubbing her left eye. “I have a plan. It is good! But I need me some explosives to cause a distraction, so I can bail out my Pammy. Normally I would do it myself, I was going to… ‘til I saw ya’ earlier in the bathroom!”

The raven-haired girl laughs softly, then cheekily pinches Harley’s right cheek.

“Alright. Girl, I do have superpowers.” Harley nods along to that. “And I can make things go Boom, but where the heck do I get explosives, huh?”

The blonde grabs Grace’s hands with her bleached ones, turns on the coach to sit cross-legged on it and squeezes her hands tightly. She is smiling a bit more now which makes Grace a bit happy.

She likes seeing people smile.

“Blubberpot probably has some, but we ain’t good friends, ya’ know? So he won’t give it to me.”

“Blubber… pot?”

Harley nods.

“Penguin! Small with a pointy nose? Like a toucan?” she makes a gesture of a nose going large until touching her lap with her hand.

Grace realizes she means Cobblepot, Oswald Cobblepot; and nods.

“But I earlier heard some birds talking about Black Mask, it seems he had a new shipment of LX-14, CL-20 an’ TNT to one of his warehouses here in Gotham. ” Harley whispers conspiratorially, puckering her mouth like a duck,  though they are alone in the VIP area.

The dark-haired hums, running Harley’s plan through her mind.

“And you want me to smuggle them up, right?”

Harley nods, then subsequently adds: “Selina is busy with don’t-fucking-know-what and I would ask Zatanna but I heard she was busy! So, please?”

Grace sighs.

“You could go there, make the explosives disappear an’ make them appear in my house!”

“Girl, that’s not how my powers work. To open a portal and then move them to your house, I would need to first have set a foot on the place. I can’t just teleport myself to somewhere I haven’t been to before.” Grace takes her hands off Harley’s hold and crosses her arms while explaining this to the blonde girl. “Also, do you even know which warehouse it is? Last I heard from Black Mask, he has many.”

Harley jumps from her seat and starts searching through her pants pockets, nodding to what Grace said while taking out whatever she finds inside and placing it on the small table. A lipstick, some keys with a key-chain of a circus hammer, a small pocket-knife, another pocket-knife but with a blue handle,  some sort of ring –which curiously looks like the pin of a hand grenade, but Grace will turn a blind eye on that –, and finally a crumpled piece of paper.

The blonde gives it to her, smiling happily.

“I wrote it down, ‘cause I’m a smart girl. I got a Ph.D., ya’ know?”

Grace reads the direction written in messy handwriting and chuckles at the smiley face doodled underneath it.

“I will help you out on one condition.” She points a finger to the blonde’s face. “No killing any policemen. Got it?”

Harley nods enthusiastically.

“Then I will help you.”

The blonde lets a loud scream and throws herself to Grace’s arms, ecstatically jumping up and down as she did an hour ago on the nightclub’s bathroom. She is thanking her again and again, tears running down her face and falling to Grace’s naked arms. The dark-haired girl pats her in the back, chuckling lightly, and then hugs her back.

A few seconds later, but still as happy and ecstatic as before, Harley pulls back and places each of her hands on Grace’s cheeks.

“Let’s go have a sleepover at mines!”

[theastrophilearchitect]

February 2021 wrap-up.

Every book, audiobook, tv show and movie I consumed in February.

The phrase ‘wrap-up’ is so boring. I want to talk about books, TV shows and movies, so I can’t even call it a ‘reading wrap-up’, however pleasingly alliterative that sounds despite the fact that ‘wrap’ actually begins with a W. One of my favourite YouTubers, polandbananasBOOKS (that capitalisation is loud) calls her wrap-ups ‘Stories I Ate This Month’ which I love, but using exactly that seems wrong. I genuinely debated calling this ‘My Media Diet’, but the word ‘diet’ has so many negative connotations to me, so I dropped that. Besides ‘wrap-up’ all in lowercase followed by a full stop is aesthetically pleasing.

The Hunger Games and Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins (audiobook) I’ve read this series countless times. I read the series first time through six years ago, and, after finishing it, I just kept rereading it during silent reading time at school, so God only knows how many times I’ve read it at this point. This is actually the second time I’ve listened to this audiobook, and I still, of course, love it. When I first read it, this book stuck with me. It was the first teen book I ever read and, most unfortunately, put me into a dystopian phase. However, we got over that. I’m good now. I promise.

You know what this is about, but here it is anyway: in a dystopian future (of literally just North America, it never mentions what’s happening anywhere else), a country called Panem (literally the whole of North America) is divided into the luxurious, utopian Capitol, and thirteen districts, all of which gather or produce something for the Capitol. Some of the districts live in poverty, while others are afforded some luxuries but nowhere near those of the Capitol. It never really explains how this system came to be, but then there was a rebellion against the Capitol in which District Thirteen was destroyed, and every year two teenagers from each district are chosen to compete in the Hunger Games, where twenty-four tributes are put in an arena together to fight to the death, and the last person standing emerges victorious. It feels so strange to talk about the basic premise of this book without going into the rest of the trilogy, but I’ll leave it here.

I hate how the media washes this book out and plays it off as just another love triangle, which it barely even is. It has such an important message about society, and the fact that the media does that just proves how accurate it is. I can’t believe when I first read it I was actually Team Gale, but in truth I think that was just because I liked Liam Hemsworth better than Josh Hutcherson, which I still do, but not the point. Anyway, the narrator is excellent.

I’m not giving these booksa rating, both because it’s a reread and I like to base ratings off my initial opinion, and because the first time I read this book I was literally a small child, and part of my love is the nostalgia.

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by VE Schwab

This was the first book I read with my eyes this month, and I ended up getting the ebook because it was just so much cheaper than getting a physical copy - I may have invested if I loved the UK cover as much as the US, I’m ashamed to say (above is UK). It was not what I was expecting.

This book was much more contemplation-heavy than I was expecting and actually very light on plot. In 1714, Adeline LaRue runs away from her wedding and prays to Gods, wishing to be free, and is answered by the darkness, who makes her a deal: he grants her immortality, and she promises him her soul when she doesn’t want it anymore. He, wanting her soul, twistedly grants her freedom by cursing her to be forgotten by everyone she ever meets. Three hundred years later, she meets someone who remembers her.

It’s really about life, freedom and time - there’s no direct message or moral, at least not that I picked up on, but it really makes you think. I do enjoy that in a book, but not as much as one where i just love the story. I generally prefer books where I’m rooting for the characters, and it’s full of ships - the kind of stories you would write fanfiction about, but this is the kind of book that I think will stick with me. I take issue with how cliché the ending was, though.

Anyway, I’m not actually sure how I want to rate this. As a British teenager, I’m not actually that familiar with lettered ratings, and I don’t really want to use stars, but I think I’m going to suck it up. Maybe I’ll think of something else eventually.

Rating: 4.5 stars - books that get five stars from me are generally based on the enjoyment factor, but this book deserved more than four.

Arrow Season 1

I’ve been semi-interested in the Arrowverse/DC TV universe for a while, and finally took the opportunity to delve in. This show is so insanely CW - everyone has that look, it has that tone and it takes itself way too seriously. By the 23rd time you’re hearing it, the recap becomes painful to listen to.

This was the first show in DC’s saga - the show picks up as Oliver Queen returns home from being stranded on an island for five years after a cruise ship sank. When the ship went down, his billionaire father sacrificed himself to save Oliver, and left him with a list of ‘the people poisoning [his] city’. Upon returning home, Oliver becomes the vigilante who will eventually become known as ‘Arrow’ or ‘Green Arrow’ (currently unclear; I’m not a comic book person) but is currently dubbed just ‘the Hood’ or ‘the vigilante’, with the goal of taking down the people on the list. It’s very intense.

It took me about ten episodes to actually get invested - which is nearly seven hours watch time - but, ultimately, I’m glad that I did. Aside from the excessive CW-ness of this show, I love the characters and I want to see what happens.

Still, why is everyone so obsesses with Laurel? What’s so great about Laurel? I don’t get it. Felicity is 10000% the best character - she’s relatable, cute, and I high-key ship her with Oliver.

This little rant of mine was unintelligible.

Rating: 4 stars

Guardians of the Galaxy

I’m not explaining what this movie is about. Honestly. This was just a rewatch: I’m currently rewatching every MCU movie in chronological order (as in, starting with Captain America: The First Avenger instead of Iron Man). For every TV season I finish, I watch a a movie, and I alternate between movie series, one of which is, at the moment, MCU films. It’s hard for me to briefly explain my weird watching patterns.

I love this movie so much. It was the first really upbeat MCU movie, and I love the characters.

I don’t really have much to say about this, but if you haven’t watched MCU movies, please watch them. Even if you don’t want to, this movie is absolutely worth watching and you don’t need to watch any other MCU movies for context.

I Am Not Okay With This Season 1

I’m reeling from this show. I literally can’t tell whether or not this is getting a second season; it seems like it was meant to, but then got cancelled, and now I can’t tell.

This show follows a high school student named Sydney. She’s your typical outcast, and isn’t interested in getting ‘in’ - she’s best friends with a girl named Dina; they both came to their school around the same time and ended up friends, though Dina is your typical pretty girl. Then Syd discovers she has powers that operate based on her emotions, and I really don’t want to say anything else. But it does star Sophia Lillis and Wyatt Oleff, who you likely know as two of the kids in IT (the clown movie, not like computing).

Honestly, episodes 1-6 were very chill, more focused on teenage life than her powers, then episode 7 brought it. Up until the end of episode 7, I enjoyed the show and would be happy to watch a second season, but I wasn’t particularly invested or excited by it. Then episode 7. I would love a second season of this show. I have to at least know where the writers were going with it.

This show came out last year, and I only just got to it, but I can’t believe I haven’t heard anybody talking about it. It’s intense, it’s entertaining, and the first season will only take up about two and a half hours of your time (it’s seven 19-28 minute episodes).

Rating: 4 stars

Blue Lily, Lily Blue and The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater

I listened to The Raven Cycle audiobooks in 2019, and I’m not sure why because I didn’t even enjoy them that much. I did, however, decide I wanted to read Call Down the Hawk, the first book in the spin-off series, and that meant I had to reread The Raven Cycle since I had paid so little attention to the audiobooks, which I started in January and I love this series. Not what I expected from a reread of a series I paid virtually no attention to, but here we are.

This is book 3 in The Raven Cycle series, book 1 being The Raven Boys, which is a paranormal book in which the protagonist Blue, is the only non-psychic in a family of psychics, and has been told her whole life that if she kisses her true love, she will kill him. Then, on St Somebody’s Eve (Mark’s? I want to say Mark’s but I’m not sure), when she goes with her aunt to see the spirits of the people who will die in the next year, she sees one of the spirits, a boy from Aglionby Academy, the local private school, meaning he is either her true love, or she is the one who kills him, which in her case, could very much be both. Then that boy schedules a reading with her psychic family to help him find an old Welsh king, and there is so much more than that to this glorious series, but I’ll stop here.

I think my main thing in books and general media is the characters. They have to follow some kind of sensible plot, but if I’m not invested in the characters, I can’t get invested in the story. I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever been so in love with a cast of characters, not even in Six of Crows - this story is so character-driven, and I can’t get enough. This was an excellent continuation, and so much happened, but it did feel like its purpose was just to set up the final book, so I didn’t enjoy this one quite as much as the previous two.

Rating: 4 stars

As for The Raven King - this was the last book I read this month, finishing it on the morning of the 27th because I knew I would have very little reading time from mid-afternoon until twenty-four hours later.

In complete honesty, I found the climax of this book to be a little rushed - we spend the whole series aware that Gansey’s looking for Glendower, but it never seems to be more prevalent than just their general investigations as to what the hell is happening. As a result, when it came to that in this book, it felt a little out of the blue (no pun intended).

Regardless, this series so well balances strong characters and strong plot where so many others fail, and I love it.

Rating: 5 stars

Fate: The Winx Saga Season 1

This show is a live-action rated-15 Netflix adaptation of one of my favourite childhood shows, Winx Club. And, honestly, you can tell.

I tried to watch this objectively, instead of complaining about how they cut some of my favourite characters and changed so many (Tecna, Riven, Beatrix, Stella, Brandon etc.). While I was upset about some of the cuts, I can agree that they were best for the story. Where in the original, every fairy had their own unique powers, this adaptation splits it into five elements: fire (Bloom), water (Aisha - on another note, screw Aisha, honestly), air (Beatrix), earth (Terra) and mind (Musa), though Stella still has light powers? Which is never explained?

Anyway, this follows teenage Bloom as she discovers she’s a fairy and goes through her first year at a fairy school called Alfea.

I’m not going to go too deep into this because I have so much to say about this show that i think I’m going to make a whole separate review rather than bore you with it now. 

Quality-wise, this show was mediocre, but enjoyment and nostalgia raise its rating for me because I’m biased.

Rating: 4 stars

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo

This is both Bardugo’s first adult novel and her first novel not set in the Grishaverse. I read the Grisha trilogy for the first time years ago and didn’t like it that much, but followed that right up with the Six of Crows duology which I loved. I read King of Scars in 2019 when it came out, and started listening to the King of Scars audiobook just before I started reading this in preparation for Rule of Wolves at the end of March.

I loved this. I don’t think I have anything to criticise quality-wise - the characters had depth, there were plot twists and strong subplots, the world was incredibly well built, and the only thing that got me to put this book down was taking a week to start working on my own writing project (post coming soon). Because I took that week completely off reading, this book took me about two weeks total from start to finish, but it was so worth it.

This novel follows Alex Stern, a twenty-year-old whose friends have all been murdered. She was found beside one of them who died of a overdose, with the same drug in her system. But Alex can see ghosts, and, soon after her friends’ deaths, is consequently offered a scholarship to Yale University, on the condition that she works for the ninth House of the Veil to monitor the activities of Yale’s secret societies.

In complete candour, I found this book somewhat convoluted, though most of that was probably mainly my own poor reading comprehension. Regardless, I loved the plot, and am very highly anticipating the eventual release of its as-of-yet unnamed sequel.

Rating: 4.5 stars

Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo

So I actually finished this audiobook briefly after finishing Blue Lily, Lily Blue, but I’m tacking it on here because I forgot to add it to the list and already explained my Grishaverse experience in my Ninth House comments.

So, yes, I love this duology, and it really opened a new compartment in my writing brain, even though I haven’t really taken advantage of that writing brain until now (again, post coming soon).

King of Scars by Leigh Bardugo

I am realising I’ve read eight books this month, and nearly half of them were by Leigh Bardugo. Which makes sense, considering how much I enjoy her books.

This book is slower-paced than most of hers, but it does follow two (one of which splits again) completely separate storylines, and is still excellent and entertaining.

I listened to this for a recap before Rule of Wolves is released on March 30th.

[bulbinie]

『Atropa Belladona』

genre:angst(?),royal!au

warnings:mentions of abuse,death

pairing:Minho x female!reader

word count: 1.3k

author’s note:It’s a thing I wrote at 2am,so there might be mistakes.it’s not the best thing I’ve written but I promise that I’m going to try and imrove with time!i hope everyone is having a nice week and is drinking enough water♡

“The wine,Your Highness” Minho bowed, placing the fragile glass on the table next to the warm dinner, served just moments ago.

“Thank you,Minho” you say with a little smile on your lips, gazing up at the boy.

Bowing a second time, he excuses himself, making his way back to the kitchen. He is grateful that the fear and hesitance he was feeling inside didn’t show on his face while he was serving the drink, because you would have caught him on the spot. You were a really observant and powerful ruler, who didn’t allow anything to slip past you.You knew everything that happened around the castle and around the town,being aware of every single action taken that could damage your kingdom in some way. He knew that all too well. So his immediate thought was that his plan would be exposed before he can even get the chance to blink. He didn’t believe that he would get as far as exiting the room.

And he was right.His short lived victory was cut off by his name being called, before he can even get half way to the kitchen.

“Minho?” your sickly sweet voice bounced against the big walls of the empty room, making him freeze on the spot.

God, you had found out. He knew that he shouldn’t have put so much of the deadly fruit inside the drink. He knew he should have stopped when he noticed the slight change of color, while squeezing the juice out of the flowery fruit, but Minho had been too blinded by anger and humiliation, the recent bruise on his left hand stinging, to think properly about the consequences. All he wanted at the moment of the abomination was for you to feel pure agony.

“Yes, my queen?’’ The raven haired boy asked innocently, putting on his most charming smile, hoping that it was enough for it to cover the nervousness stirring inside of him.

“Will you keep me company? It’s really lonely in this big cold dining hall. I would much appreciate it if you stayed.” you bated your eyelashes his way, a playful smile dancing on your lips.

It’s not like he had a choice. You weren’t asking him if he wanted to or not. Minho had lived in this castle long enough to know that behind the sweet demeanor that you constantly held, there was nothing more than a manipulative cold women who didn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

“Of course,Your Majesty” he bowed slightly, walking towards the long table, where you sat at the very end.

“Sit” you motioned towards the chair on your right, tucking your hands under your chin, looking adoringly at the older boy.

Minho pulls the chair, its legs making a scraping sound against the marble on the floor. While sitting on the velvety pillow, with a quick glance towards the wine cup, he notices that the drink was still untouched. The boy visibly relaxes, which makes you stare at him with a raised eyebrow in amusement

Reading body language. A very important trait that you owned. You picked on people’s emotions with a simple look at the posture and their facial expression. That’s one of the reasons why you were such a good ruler of the kingdom. You knew how to negotiate and make the other side feel as comfortable as possible.You knew what someone wanted and you gave it to them.That was your most powerful and dangerous ability. Minho had learned it the hard way.

“How was your day Minho?’’ you asked taking a bite from the perfectly cooked meat on your plate.

“Your Highness, I should be the one asking you this question”

“Please, drop the formalities. We’ve known each other for a long period of time.Just call me (Y/N).”

‘’Okay, my que-(Y/N).’’ he corrected himself fast, not missing the small giggle that you muffled with your hand, the rings on it complimenting your fingers.

Under other circumstances he could easily see himself falling in love with you. You were breathtakingly beautiful, sharp witted and when in a good mood just plain cute. When he first started working in the castle he had taken a liking towards your kind actions and the way you did everything with grace. But with every passing month and every shared whisper between the servants in the corridors Minho started to dislike you to the point of hating when you hit him for the first time. He had heard numerous rumors about how when you were still a princess, you were pure. Pure in the concept of carefree, warm-hearted and good. And then your parents died,switching on something inside of you. He didn’t know much about it but at first he felt sympathetic. But with every bruise or cut he got through the years, the boy stopped feeling anything else towards you except for loathing

“Minho, tell me have you heard the story about how my parents died?’’ you asked enthusiastically, the boy startled by the sudden question, shaking his head.

“I don’t think I have, (Y/N)”

“Well, on a fine winter evening like this one, in this exact room, but the atmosphere way more energetic and cheerful,” you stop for a dramatic effect as if you are telling a fairy tale ”they got murdered.’’ You say with an unbothered face looking straight at Minho. “And do you want to know how they got murdered?’’ you continue bringing your finger to the rim, of the now almost empty glass, making little circles around the edge. “Poison.”

At this point the boy’s façade starts to crack from all the mixed feelings bubbling inside of him.

“The most interesing part? I did it. I poisoned them” you say with a big smile and a slight cough. “Deadly Nightshade,otherwise called Belladonna, very common poison. My mom, the queen was so obsessed with being the most beautiful. Obsessed with being a belladonna.The irony really.It’s astonishing.”

Minho can’t show the horror and disgust that travelled through his system if he wanted to go through with the whole plan.He knows that you are on him.But it’s not like you can do anything about it. The amount of poison that he put in your wine will finish you off in less than ten minutes. He stays quiet.

“The taste is defined as ‘’the taste of horror’’, extremely sweet. Sweet enough to make wine lose its bitterness.’’ you laugh lowly, coughing harder this time. ”So tell me Minho,” you lean closer towards him locking eyes, your eyes starting to become bloodshot. ”did you poison my drink?”

“Your highness, I don’t know what you are talking about.” he says with an innocent smile trying to refrain from smirking.  

“Liar.” you say quietly before suddenly getting up from the chair, pushing the plate with food and the wine cup on the marble ground. ”LIAR” you yell lunging towards Minho, engulfing his neck harshly with your hands pushing him of the chair and onto the floor.

The hard grip that you have got on his neck makes it hard for him to breath. He starts to fight back trying to pry your hands off.  

“I’M GOING TO KILL YOU” you continue to shout,tightening your fingers around the flesh on his neck, all traces of your joyous attitude gone  

Minho is almost purple. But before he can pass out, your grip loosens. The slight coughing from before 2 minutes, has turned into a rapid one accompanied by blood spitting and angry cries. You roll on the floor next to him, trying to crawl to the big door that connects the dining hall with the castle.

When Minho regains full control over his breathing and his face isn’t a purplish shade anymore, you have reached the door. Your lifeless body lied in front of it.

The boy stood up. He took a couple of steps towards you carefully, not fully sure if you are dead or just unconscious. When he stops next to you, he knows that you are gone. He did it. He finally killed the tyrant with a face of an angel.

His last words to you are:

“See you in Hell, Your Highness”

[addictedforbooksquad]

P I C K (S)  O F  T H E  M O N T H: S E P T E M B E R

City of Ghosts by Victoria Schwab

Josh and Hazel’s Guide to Not Dating by Christina Lauren

Sadie by Courtney Summers

Hard Sell by Lauren Layne

Bad Romeo by Leisa Rayven

Broken Juliet by Leisa Rayven

City of Ghosts by Victoria Schwab

Genres: Young Adult (Middle Grade), Fantasy, Paranormal

Links: goodreads | bookdepository

Synopsis:

Cassidy Blake's parents are The Inspectres, a (somewhat inept) ghost-hunting team. But Cass herself can REALLY see ghosts. In fact, her best friend, Jacob, just happens to be one. When The Inspectres head to ultra-haunted Edinburgh, Scotland, for their new TV show, Cass—and Jacob—come along. In Scotland, Cass is surrounded by ghosts, not all of them friendly. Then she meets Lara, a girl who can also see the dead. But Lara tells Cassidy that as an In-betweener, their job is to send ghosts permanently beyond the Veil. Cass isn't sure about her new mission, but she does know the sinister Red Raven haunting the city doesn't belong in her world. Cassidy's powers will draw her into an epic fight that stretches through the worlds of the living and the dead, in order to save herself.

Why we love it:

human + ghost friendship

great setting (haunted Scotland)

numerous Harry Potter references

spooky and fun

perfect book if you want to get into Halloween mood!

Trigger warnings: n/a

Josh and Hazel’s Guide to Not Dating by Christina Lauren

Genres: Contemporary, Romance, New Adult

Links: goodreads | bookdepository

Synopsis:

Hazel Camille Bradford knows she’s a lot to take—and frankly, most men aren’t up to the challenge. If her army of pets and thrill for the absurd don’t send them running, her lack of filter means she’ll say exactly the wrong thing in a delicate moment. Their loss. She’s a good soul in search of honest fun. Josh Im has known Hazel since college, where her zany playfulness proved completely incompatible with his mellow restraint. From the first night they met—when she gracelessly threw up on his shoes—to when she sent him an unintelligible email while in a post-surgical haze, Josh has always thought of Hazel more as a spectacle than a peer. But now, ten years later, after a cheating girlfriend has turned his life upside down, going out with Hazel is a breath of fresh air. Not that Josh and Hazel date. At least, not each other. Because setting each other up on progressively terrible double blind dates means there’s nothing between them...right?

Why we love it:

cute, funny and sexy

friends to lovers trope done really well

main characters are polar opposites and yet they fit so well

lovable heroine who’s unapologetic about the way she is (adorable, quirky, eccentric and she wouldn’t change for anyone

Trigger warnings: (somewhat) explicit sexual content

Sadie by Courtney Summers

Genres: Young Adult, Mystery, Contemporary

Links: goodreads | bookdepository

Synopsis:

Sadie hasn't had an easy life. Growing up on her own, she's been raising her sister Mattie in an isolated small town, trying her best to provide a normal life and keep their heads above water. But when Mattie is found dead, Sadie's entire world crumbles. After a somewhat botched police investigation, Sadie is determined to bring her sister's killer to justice and hits the road following a few meagre clues to find him. When West McCray—a radio personality working on a segment about small, forgotten towns in America—overhears Sadie's story at a local gas station, he becomes obsessed with finding the missing girl. He starts his own podcast as he tracks Sadie's journey, trying to figure out what happened, hoping to find her before it's too late.

Why we love it:

this book is like a small wave in #MeToo movement

doesn’t sugercoat sexual abuse

deals with a lot of relevant, important and difficult issues - pedophilia and sexual abuse and what mark it leaves not only on the victims but also on their families, how families cope with their children being kidnapped, how there are people in this world who take advantage of their social status and respect and it allows them to be someone’s abuser

the writing is fast paced and leaves you wanting more

it’s heart-breaking but impactful, it leaves a mark on you and makes you think

Trigger warnings: pedophilia, sexual abuse, parental neglect

Hard Sell by Lauren Layne

Genres: New Adult, Romance, Contemporary

Links: goodreads | bookdepository

Synopsis:

He’s a Wall Street wolf. She’s been hired to tame him. From New York Times bestselling author Lauren Layne comes a wildly sexy novel of business and pleasure. Twenty-eight and filthy rich, Matt Cannon is the youngest broker on Wall Street. He may be a “boy wonder,” but he’s every inch a man. Ask any woman—any night. But when Matt’s latest fling makes scandalous headlines, his clients get anxious, and his bosses at Wolfe Investments level an ultimatum: keep his assets zipped, get a “real” girlfriend, and clean up his act. Only one woman can help Matt with something this hard. For PR genius Sabrina Cross, the best fixer in Manhattan, playing Matt’s steady is going to be a challenge, even if it’s just for show. They already have an explosive history, she can’t stand the cocky party boy, and worse—she can’t stop thinking about him. So who’ll dare to break her “no touching” rule first? Because when that happens, Matt and Sabrina’s game of let’s pretend will get so hot it could set both their reputations on fire.

Why we love it:

group of friends with great dynamic

heroine who is an unapologetic boss lady 

H.O.T. (but also sweet!)

the main couple has a really interesting dynamic as well (enemies/frenemies who would take a bullet for one another and have carried on a casual sexual relationship)

once the heroine gets feelings, she admits it outright

we wanted to read more about them!!!

Trigger warnings: explicit sexual content

Bad Romeo by Leisa Rayven

Genres: Contemporary, Romance, New Adult

Links: goodreads | bookdepository

Synopsis:

When Cassie Taylor met Ethan Holt at acting school, sparks flew. She was the good girl actress. He was the bad boy about campus. But one fated casting choice for Romeo and Juliet changed it all. Like the characters they were playing, Cassie and Ethan's romance seemed destined. Until he broke her heart and betrayed her trust. Now the A-list heartthrob is back in her life and turning her world around. One touch at a time. Cast as romantic leads once again, they're forced to confront raw memories of the heartbreaking lows and pulse-pounding highs of their secret college affair. But they'll also discover that people who rub each other the wrong way often make the best sparks.

Why we love it:

(see notes for Broken Juliet, 2nd book in the series)

Trigger warnings: explicit sexual content

Broken Juliet by Leisa Rayven

Genres: Contemporary, Romance, New Adult

Links: goodreads | bookdepository

Synopsis:

How do you fix a love that’s been broken beyond repair? For years, Cassie Taylor tried to forget about Ethan Holt. He was the one great love of her life, and when he failed to return her love, a part of her died forever. Or so she thought. Now she and Ethan are sharing a Broadway stage, and he’s determined to win her back. Claiming to be a changed man, he’s finally able to say all the things she needed to hear years ago, but can she believe him? What makes this time different from all his other broken promises? Ethan knows he can’t change their tumultuous past, but if he’s going to have any chance of being with the woman he loves, he’ll need to convince Cassie that her future belongs with him. Don’t miss this stunning conclusion to the unforgettable love story that captivated over two million fans online.

Why we love it:

high score on “can’t-put-it-down-ness” scale, great pacing even though story is spanned over a few years

no cheating or unnecessary love triangle - the couple struggles to be together by overcoming their own demons

it kind of has an enemies to lovers trope going on and it definitely contributes to hotness factor

angst but the payoff with happy ending is very satisfactory

Trigger warnings: explicit sexual content

[kakooshi]

Would You Like Some Tea In Your Cauldron?

Read on Ao3

Warning: Implied/Referenced Drug Use

Levi hated losing bets. He rarely ever lost courtesy of his dear uncle, but this year, all it took was his misplaced faith in a racehorse named “Jean” during the Qatar Prix de l’Arc de Triomphe for him to end up being at the mercy of the scheming, shitty, four-eyed freak known as Hange Zoe.

There had been a raffle draw, and Levi’s dare was to decorate his house for the Halloween season and give out some sweets to the trick-or-treaters.

It was better than what Erwin had done on Valentine’s a few years back, when he had to sniff the armpit of every man in the pub just because he revealed his hand too early (It was a historical event) to Mike. Hange still had photos of the event saved in their so-called “family album.”

The problem was that Levi wasn’t too keen on giving out the only sweets he had. Candy didn’t exactly come at a cheap price, and he definitely wasn’t going to spend his entire salary buying new ones to cater to some brats’ sugar rush.

There were tea-flavored candies sent to him as gifts from his Grandfather Ackerman, who had worked as an employee in a candy factory and had later run several teahouses in the country during his younger days.

While Levi was fond of tea, he wasn’t a fan of it being used as a candy flavour. Its taste was very faint and unusual to begin with; sweet but not exactly the ideal type of treat that the little ones would gobble down wholeheartedly and come back for greedily in the next spooky years to come.

The night of Halloween was relatively uneventful for the man as per usual. Even as a kid, he never experienced the thrill of egging some poor hag’s house, or screaming his throat raw in one of those badly decorated third-rate horror booths, or even carving pumpkins and snatching wet apples with his mouth just for the hell of it.

Most importantly, he never had the luxury of preparing a costume…even until now. Hange encouragingly told him that he didn’t have to; he was already scary-looking enough.

“Ow!” Hange held their stomped foot, jumping up and down while Levi scoffed and took the basket of candy from them to place it on the breakfast nook.

The first few trick-or-treaters that came to Levi’s house were tame considering that they were under adult supervision. On the other hand, Levi secretly found it annoying how some parents, teachers, nannies, and even older siblings would apologize to him for the children they accompanied thinking that he looked like a serial killer from a textbook slasher. Was his appearance really that unsettling?

When he opened the door, basket in hand, a little girl in a pink, fairy costume quailed in fright and went down the porch steps to hide behind her mother.

Guess there was no need for a well-thought out prank; his “pinch-me-and-I’ll-punch-you” expression already came in handy.

It was almost 9:00 pm, and the hoots of the owls could be heard in the distance. Levi was ready to remove all the decorations much to his chagrin, but just when he was about to store the remaining candy back in the cellar, something caught his ear.

“Eren, it’s almost late,” said a little girl’s voice. “Mom’s going to get really worried, you know.”

“Just one more house left!” someone replied doggedly. Yep. It was definitely a brat.

“If I recall, your father said not to trick-or-treat at 10 or more houses. You still have an appointment with him after all,” Not bratty. Also, the kid sounded smart for his age.

“One more bag of candy won’t hurt, Armin.” The footsteps got louder.

With a sigh, Levi turned away from the cellar with the candy still in his arms to meet his last trick-or-treaters for the night outside. Upon opening the door, the first thing he saw was a boy who looked to be about 7 or 8 years old. He was dressed as a dog…no, a werewolf, what with the puffy ears, fangs, and paws he wore for feet. The ruffled fur of his top matched the color of his hair.

On either side of him were a raven-haired girl and a blonde boy. The girl was dressed as a huntsman, a plastic axe by her side, and the boy a warlock. Together, they seemed to be quite the fairly strong bunch.

As if a flip had been switched, the wolf boy immediately perked up at Levi and flashed a wide grin, “Trick-or-treat!”

He was the first kid not to show signs of fear in front of him. How interesting.

The other two weren’t as enthusiastic. The girl stayed silent, though Levi could tell she was a little wary of him. Meanwhile, the blonde muttered the greeting with a nervous stutter, twiddling with the pouch he held while huddling up to the girl. Levi couldn’t blame him; his sunken eyes spoke for themselves.  

“You brats better be thankful I still haven’t cleared the Jack-o-Lanterns off my lawn,” Levi said tonelessly, stepping down the stairs while grabbing for a pack of candy.

“Our apologies, sir!” the blonde stammered. “If you’d like, we can leav—”

“Eren just wants some more candy, that’s all.” the girl interrupted.

“Guys!” shouted the wolf boy. Shaking his head in embarrassment, he looked back up to Levi again, holding up his cauldron treat bucket in a silent plea. “I just need one more for my secret stash, sir.”

“Your secret stash?”

“Yes,” The boy blushed before continuing, “My father’s a dentist so it’s not often that I get to eat lots of candy.”

The sourness from Levi’s expression dissolved and was replaced by sympathy.

“Well, I wouldn’t want your long journey to go to waste, would I? Here…”

Levi poured several pieces of candy into Eren’s bucket. He felt something twitch in his chest at the sight of the boy’s wide, green eyes gleaming in happiness. If he had a tail, Levi was sure it would be wagging by now.

“These are from Teas’ Time, aren’t they?” the wolf boy, Eren, asked excitedly.

He didn’t bother to wait for his answer and picked out a piece, tearing at the wrapper with his teeth with an alarming vigor. Levi raised a brow and made a confused face at the other two kids waiting patiently for their sugar-deprived friend.

“He always eats the candy after receiving it. That way, he’ll know which ones will become his favorites,” the blonde explained, as if reporting a scientific experiment.

“Tch,” Levi kneeled down to Eren’s level, “So, how does it taste?”

To his slight amazement, Eren seemed to be enjoying the candy judging from the pleased expression he wore; he hummed in answer: ‘It’s good!’

No, it’s not, really. Levi tried the candy for himself; it was certainly healthier than most sweets but it didn’t hold a candle to the likes of Kitkats, Snickers, or Twix candy bars. Hell, even that candy corn crap tasted better than the hard, circular disks currently making Eren’s eyes glaze over.

Then again, it was better than not having any at all.

“Huh,” Levi regarded him in kind, “The ones in your possession are Citrus green tea, by the way. You still have more flavors to try.”

Eren’s face fell, “Thank you, sir, but my Dad won’t let me have any more. They’ll ruin my teeth,” he pulled off his fangs to show Levi a crooked but clean set of them; no cavities in sight.

Well, that’s understandable. Levi stood up to bid the boy and his friends goodbye but the former stopped him with an exasperated “Wait!” before he could.

“Are you going to give out some more next Halloween?”

Levi weighed his choices. No, he didn’t want to do this again. God forbid his house get wrecked; he was already lucky not to have done much cleaning the first time save for the removal of decorations.

But one look at Eren’s puppy dog eyes compelled him to think differently. Yes, there was absolutely nothing unusual about inviting a child to trick-or-treat at his place when he was opposed to the very idea hours ago. Not at all.

“Shit’s expensive so one flavor for every year. Be sure to collect them all before you don’t have the balls to go trick-or-treating anymore,” He offered, ignoring the surprised gasps from the other two.

Eren looked about ready to bounce off the floorboards, fangs bared, “Thank you, Sir! I can’t wait!”

In a flash, the boy was down the front steps joining his friends, both relieved that the night was over. They all waved at Levi, departing into the streets with the autumn breeze ruffling their clothes. Eren in particular gave one last smile at him before digging in his pack to wolf down—excuse the pun—more of the sweets from his grabby little fingers.

For the first time that night, Levi’s lips quirked up a centimeter. Perhaps he ought to treat Hange out to see that science fiction horror film they were so crazy about.

For the next three years, Levi would leave some candy waiting in a mini black cauldron by the porch for little Eren to find. Since they were of premium quality (or so his grandfather claimed), each year promised a different flavor, and with every bite, Eren’s adoration for the maddeningly expensive stuff only grew.

Citrus green tea, green tea latte, classic iced tea, black tea…Levi could only go for so long until hearing his tea-obsessed relative sob happily from the other side of the phone at the news of someone genuinely enjoying his brand of candy.

His friends were just as happy at the news.

“Looks like you’ve got yourself a faithful follower, Levi.” Erwin said one night over brandy.

“He’s just happy because he finally figured out a way to clear out his pantry,” Hange cackled. This earned them another well-placed stomp on the foot.

Levi had learned quite a lot about Eren too—like how his ears would turn red every time Levi asked him about his intake of sweets, or how passionate he was in his ramblings about anything other than the different candies he collected from the other houses. Levi’s favorite was the one where he and his two friends from before, Mikasa and Armin, reported some guys shoving their dicks inside carved pumpkins as part of some sick, twisted dare to the police and were given ten times the candy they had that day because of it.

“Levi, why have you never gone trick-or-treating?” a 12-year old Eren asked. He was perched on top of the red loveseat in his living room, Hogwarts robe pooling over the edges and glasses falling askew from the upside-down position he was in.

“My uncle never made me go. Juvenile delinquents used to put weed in candy bars back in the day, so he didn’t want to be responsible for my getting wasted,” Levi said as if commenting about the weather.

Eren’s flipped over in shock, “You can put drugs in candy?!”

“Yes, which is why you should be extra careful when receiving treats from strangers; even the most benign things can become the most dangerous when placed in the wrong hands.”

Levi found what he was looking for in the fridge—Chai tea. Eren’s favorite.

The boy in question nodded slowly in understanding, “No wonder Dad only let me trick-or-treat at my relatives’ place.”

“Hm.”

Eren’s eyes were fixated on Levi for quite a while. He propped his elbows on the sofa, chin resting above them as he sent the man a soft smile, his glasses sliding a little onto his nose to reveal bright green, mirthful and genuine.

“I trust you, though.”

Levi returned one of his own; he threw the candy at Eren, “Up until now, I’m still baffled by the fact that you didn’t piss yourself seeing my face for the first time.”

Eren laughed while unwrapping the foil. Popping the candy into his mouth, he gave a pleased hum, chewing slowly to savor the taste.

“Oh, I was pretty scared alright,” he spoke while he ate, “I thought you were going to whip out a scythe or whatever; complements the murderous look on your face and everything.”

“This coming from the kid who said he trusts me.”

Eren simply flicked his wand as if to ward him off, sticking his tongue out.

Eren didn’t come to Levi’s house the following year.

At first, Levi supposed it was because Eren had indeed grown up and was definitely too old to ever trick-or-treat again. Surely, his friends and family found it pretty strange for someone as adventurous and fun as him to spend the last few minutes of Halloween with an almost broke college student, and a grumpy one nonetheless.

But Levi knew Eren wasn’t the type to ditch friendships like that, although to be quite honest, Levi wasn’t exactly sure when he started considering Eren as his friend. Maybe the boy was just that likeable despite his tendency to be a little shit.

Eren had messaged him online 7 hours after Halloween Night ended. Suffice to say, Levi didn’t know whether to congratulate or pity the boy with the news he’d been given:

Brat: I got braces :/

Levi pondered a bit before typing out his message and pressing the send button.

Levi: Mashed potatoes and gravy, then?

The notification came faster than he could blink:

Brat: :D

Halloween couldn’t possibly be more hectic this time around. Levi’s dorm mates had invited him to participate in the new “Zombie Run” sponsored by his very own university; his fingers were still sore from when he punched the Walking Dead who had tried to cop a feel chasing him.

He was just about to nurse his knuckles with some ice packs when he heard the clicking of boots on his porch steps.

Levi was at the door in an instant; ice packs forgotten on the floor; he pulled it open to see tousled brown hair and vibrant green eyes.

It was Eren, now a teen, who had come to trick-or-treat at his doorstep for the first time in three years. And oh—

The boy’s getup was certainly….riveting. He wore a red button-up underneath a black military jacket with side seams that went below the waist, matching gloves and high-knee combat boots, and white pants accentuating his shapely legs…

Levi mentally smacked himself before taking in all of Eren’s costume. Speaking of legs, they were fitted with belt straps…no…Eren was actually wearing a harness, its unique pattern contrasting nicely with the red shirt and white pants. There was even a small leather skirt that Levi didn’t notice until later.

And shit, Levi now had to look up at his face because of how tall he’d gotten. It was kind of annoying.

Gone was the scruffy, werewolf boy from 7 years ago. Before him stood a sharply dressed cadet, an air of confidence and integrity about him. Tonight, Eren was a soldier…ready to fight on the frontlines; it was the best costume Levi had ever seen him in.

“Trick-or-treat,” Eren greeted. His voice was lower now, and his braces were gone too; there was only a set of perfectly straight and white teeth.

Eren whirled around, the long end of the jacket flowing behind him. Levi caught a glimpse of the insignia on his back, a white wing overlapping a blue one, “Do you like it?” he asked in a way more akin to a princess flaunting her ball gown.

Levi did a mock bow, “Why yes, Your Highness.”

The boy smirked before quickly pulling out dual blades from his sides (Where the fuck did they come from?). They looked pretty fucking sharp.

The older male raised his arms, whistling lowly, “At ease, soldier.”

Eren put the swords back in their hilts, “They’re ultrahard steel. Good for cutting flesh.”

The look Levi gave him was nothing short of incredulous.

Eren laughed, “Just kidding, these aren’t really made of metal, but they do make a good slashing sound!” He emphasized this with a wave, as if to cut Levi in half.

He didn’t want to know the rest of the details, “Aren’t you a little too old for trick-or-treating?”

“Levi, it’s 2017. If you’ve noticed, there are a lot of teenagers going from house to house for treats and no tricks, hopefully. All my friends are wearing the same costume I’m in.”

Levi wondered how many there were. He held back a snort at the idea of a bunch of High-School students in weird military attire (He still didn’t know the significance of the harness), marching along the streets and chanting roll-calls begging for Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and Laffy Taffys.

Not wanting to waste the evening out in the windy cold, Levi turned to fetch what Eren had arrived for in the first place, “Citrus green or…”

Eren’s gloved hand on his shoulder stopped him in place.

“This is the last time I’m ever going trick-or-treating,” he paused, tightening his grip, “and I want you to come along this time.”

Levi looked over his shoulder, admittedly shocked despite his cool gaze.

“I don’t have a scythe and robe with me,” he still found within himself to joke.

There it was again, that life-expanding laugh. There was a glint in Eren’s eyes that Levi couldn’t place, and he felt a prickling sensation spread through his body from where Eren touched him.

‘Don’t get ahead of yourself. He’s still a kid after all, but you know you’re willing to buy him all the treats he could ever want in the world,’ said the nagging voice in his head.

“I’m also too old,” he added.

“Pshh, you don’t look that old to me,” Eren gestured to Levi’s height. Levi scowled and punched him in the arm, making him release a pained chuckle.

“Oh, and another thing…” Eren reached inside his jacket and pulled out a parcel; unwrapping it.

Inside was a jumbo pack of Matcha-Green Tea Kitkats.

“I bought them myself,” Eren said proudly, holding it up for Levi to see, “earned cash and all. I can guarantee that you won’t find any suspicious substances in them.”

Levi snickered. On the other hand, he couldn’t recall ever feeling such a strong surge of admiration.

“Thanks, kid.” He offered Eren one of his rare smiles.

Eren wasn’t finished with his surprises just yet. “Say, if I offer you this….” he flaunted the Kitkats in Levi’s face with one hand while the other went into his jacket again (God, how many stuff was he hiding in there?), bringing out a larger parcel. It was slightly open, but Levi’s eyes widened upon seeing the belt straps inside.

Levi reached out with careful fingers to pull the folds apart, revealing the costume—the same one Eren was wearing.

“…will you be our Captain for Halloween, Levi?”

Levi didn’t even realize he had nodded until he felt a pair of strong arms around him. This close, he could make out the faint smell of citrus; just like years ago. His cheeks were beginning to warm up so he gave a few awkward pats to Eren’s back and eventually pulled away from him.

“There’s only one problem to deal with, I guess.”

Eren’s body went stiff, “What is it?”

Levi grabbed the harness and the rest of the belt straps, holding them up in distaste.

“How the fuck do you put these on?”

[dargeereads]

COMPLICATE releases on Mar 9, 2021

AMAZON | APPLE | B&N | KOBO | GOOGLE| GOODREADS

The long-awaited, heart-pounding conclusion of the dark and dangerous DELIVER series.

This is Cole Hartman's story. But it's not his beginning. The twisted, heartwrenching story of Cole, Danni, and Trace starts in the TANGLED LIES trilogy.

You don't have to read TANGLED LIES, but if you want to read it, do so before reading this book. ONE IS A PROMISE (book 1) is free.

RECOMMENDED READING ORDER

ONE IS A PROMISE (FREE) TWO IS A LIE THREE IS A WAR DELIVER (#1) (FREE) VANQUISH (#2) DISCLAIM (#3) DEVASTATE (#4) TAKE (#5) MANIPULATE (#6) UNSHACKLE (#7) DOMINATE (#8) COMPLICATE (#9)

The books in the DELIVER series are standalones, but they must be read in order.

Start Reading ONE IS A PROMISE for Free

Start Reading DELIVER for Free

Each book in the DELIVER series is a different couple (HEAs / no cliff-hangers), but they must be read in order.

📚 ebooks (all retailers worldwide): ONE IS A PROMISE | TWO IS A LIE | THREE IS A WAR DELIVER | VANQUISH | DISCLAIM | DEVASTATE | TAKE | MANIPULATE | UNSHACKLE| DOMINATE| COMPLICATE

🎧 Audio: ONE IS A PROMISE | TWO IS A LIE | THREE IS A WAR DELIVER | VANQUISH | DISCLAIM | DEVASTATE | TAKE | MANIPULATE | UNSHACKLE

ONE IS A PROMISE - FREE

One promise. One forever.

One look and I knew Cole was mine. My dark rebel in leather. My powerhouse of passion, devastating smiles, and impulsiveness. When his job sends him overseas, he promises to return to me. A promise that's destroyed in the most irrevocable way.

Two years later, an arrogant suit invades my heartbroken loneliness.

Clean-cut and stern, Trace is everything Cole wasn't. At first, he's a job that will rescue my dance company. But as he intrudes on my life, our hostile relationship evolves. He knows I'm still in love with Cole, but his dedication is my undoing.

Then a catastrophic moment changes everything.

Promises resurface. Lies entangle. And an impossible choice shatters my world.

I love two men, and I can only have one.

TWO IS A LIE

Two lies. Two men who don’t share.

I never stopped loving Cole. Not when he left me. Not when he disappeared for three years. Not when he crashed back into my life in a violent explosion of testosterone and fury. His sudden reappearance questions everything I thought I knew, including how I came to love another man.

Trace is an intoxicating breeze of seduction over ice. My rock. My second chance at forever. And he’s committed to annihilating the competition.

The battle that ensues wrenches me back and forth between them. Fighting and f*cking. Resisting and submitting.

Together, they entangle me in a web of lies, rivalry, and desire that weaves as deeply as their devotion to me.

I love two men, and if I can only have one, I choose none.

THREE IS A WAR

Three means war. Three sides vying for forever.

Cole. My first love. The bad boy with the dangerous smile and passionate temper draws attention like a lit fuse on dynamite. But his dark molten eyes spark only for me.

Trace. My second chance. Over six feet of Norse god in a tailored suit, he calculates every move and seizes my hungry breaths with an iron fist.

Me. The free-spirited dancer, torn between two men with no resolution in sight. I tried leaving, staying, refusing, and surrendering. What options do I have left?

I love two men, and I do the only thing I can. I fight.

DELIVER, Book 1 - FREE

His name was Joshua Carter. Now it’s whatever she wants it to be.

She is a Deliverer.

She lures young men and delivers them to be sold. She delivers the strikes that enforce their obedience. She delivers the sexual training that determines their purchase price.

As long as she delivers, the arrangement that protects her family will hold.

Delivering is all she knows.

The one thing she can’t deliver is a captive from slavery.

Until him.

And her stubborn slave thinks he can deliver her…from herself.

VANQUISH, Book 2

Her life is like a prison cell. A self-made, to-hell-with-the-free-world existence that locks from the inside. Stop judging. Her agoraphobia doesn’t define her. It simply keeps her safe.

He belongs in a prison cell. The 6x8, make-me-your-bitch variety that locks from the outside. But he’s free. To hunt. To take. To break. And he just found a sexy new toy.

Capturing her is the easy part. Her fucked-up mind, however, makes him question everything he does next. But he’s a determined bastard. If all goes his way, this will hurt like hell.

DISCLAIM, Book 3

Camila was seventeen when Van Quiso kidnapped her. Ten years after her escape, the shackles refuse to release her. Not while there are still slave traders preying on her city. She will stop at nothing to end them. Even if that means becoming a slave again.

Returning to chains is her worst fear—and only option. They won’t know who she is or what she intends to do. She’s prepared for every complication. Except him. The one who decimated her sixteen-year-old heart.

Matias is charming, gorgeous, and dangerously seductive. He’s also untrustworthy and enshrouded in secrets. After years of no contact, he finds her—on her knees, wrists bound, in the clutches of her enemy. Will he sabotage her mission by needlessly saving her? Or will he keep her in chains and never let her go?

DEVASTATE, Book 4

“What is the price you’re willing to pay?” “Money isn’t an issue.” “I’m not talking about money.”

Tate is on the hunt to find his best friend’s sister. Eleven years ago, Lucia Dias was abducted. Presumed dead. He never met her, so why does he care? Some might call his efforts noble, but his motivation is more perverse, bordering on obsession.

When he follows a chilling lead to Venezuela’s Kidnap Alley, what he finds is neither a corpse nor a captive.

Amid poisonous lies and crippling depravity, the price of love is devastation. And he pays. With his body, his blood, and her life.

TAKE, Book 5

He’s a notorious crime lord, a kidnapper, and an artist. Scarification is his outlet, and he just captured a new canvas. Kate refuses to surrender beneath his blade or the cruelty in his beautiful eyes. But she’s drawn to the man inside the monster. A man who makes her ache with his touch. Who owns her with his kiss. A man who worships her as deeply as he hurts her. She can run, but there’s no escape from a bond carved in scars.

MANIPULATE, Book 6

Tula Gomez is in the most ruthless prison in Latin America.

She only drove to Mexico to help her sister. She did nothing wrong. But her quiet life changed in an instant.

To survive the violent, cartel-controlled prison where men blend with women, she pledges her loyalty to the notorious leader in exchange for the one thing she needs most. Protection.

When she agrees to seduce the suspicious new inmates, Martin Lockwood and Ricky Saldivar, she doesn’t expect to enjoy it. Sure, they’re gorgeous, irresistibly alpha, and insanely talented with their hands and mouths. But they’re the enemy. She can’t fall for them.

Torn between her cartel loyalties and two men who want her as deeply as they want each other, she questions who is manipulating whom. Her search for answers leads to a passionate ménage, a soul-crushing secret, and an impossible choice.

UNSHACKLE, Book 7

No woman can resist Luke Sanch’s chiseled features, honed physique, auburn hair, and intense green eyes. While deadly in combat, he’s an indomitable weapon in bed. He can coax an explosive release with only his mouth and annihilate with insidious, mind-blowing pleasure. When he infiltrates La Rocha Cartel, he must seduce Vera Gomez to determine whether to rescue her. Or kill her. Nothing can distract his icy, lethal focus. Except the cartel’s most feral captive. The nameless, raven-haired beauty is his key to dismantling Vera Gomez. But the ferocious little fighter challenges him at every turn and unknowingly battles her way into his heart. A battle that delivers him, physically and emotionally, into shackles.

DOMINATE, Book 8

There are many reasons to jump off a bridge, but Rylee Sutton only needs one. Her husband’s betrayal. Just before she leaps, she receives an email from a stranger. The boy’s message is meant for his dead girlfriend, but his anguish speaks to Rylee. It saves her life.

Over the next decade, Tomas Dine continues to email his dead girl. As he evolves from a teenager into a hardened, vicious criminal, Rylee is there, reading every intimate word. He doesn’t know she exists.

When she comes forward, he despises her, his cruelty unforgivable. But she doesn’t back down. In a carnal battle of punishment and passion, hatred dominates. Until he loses her. Amid looming danger and unsolved murders rises a devotion forged in strife. Love is lethal in his ruthless world. To survive it, they must fight for answers—and each other.

COMPLICATE, Book 9

The long-awaited, heart-pounding conclusion of the dark and dangerous DELIVER series.

This is Cole Hartman's story. But it's not his beginning. The twisted, heartwrenching story of Cole, Danni, and Trace starts in the TANGLED LIES trilogy.

You don't have to read TANGLED LIES, but if you want to read it, do so before reading this book.

AUDIOBOOKS

ONE IS A PROMISE: Audible | Narrated by Lisa Zimmerman TWO IS A LIE: Audible | Narrated by Lisa Zimmerman THREE IS A WAR: Audible | Narrated by Lisa Zimmerman DELIVER #1: Audible | Narrated by Teddy Hamilton and Abby Crayden VANQUISH #2: Audible | Narrated by Ryan West and Jo Raylan DISCLAIM #3: Audible | Narrated by Christian Fox and Emma Wilder DEVASTATE #4: Audible | Narrated by J.F. Harding and Tracy Marks TAKE #5: Audible | Narrated by Soren Gray and Kate Genevieve MANIPULATE #6: Audible | Narrated by Christian Fox, Aiden Snow, and Lila Summers UNSHACKLE #7: Audible | Narrated by J. Tipstone and Lacy Laurel DOMINATE #8: Coming | Narrated by Matthew Holland and Samantha Summers COMPLICATE #9: Coming | Narrated by Joe Arden and Lisa Zimmerman

PAM GODWIN

New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and USA Today Bestselling author, Pam Godwin, lives in the Midwest with her husband, their two children, and a foulmouthed parrot. When she ran away, she traveled fourteen countries across five continents, attended three universities, and married the vocalist of her favorite rock band.

Java, tobacco, and dark romance novels are her favorite indulgences, and might be considered more unhealthy than her aversion to sleeping, eating meat, and dolls with blinking eyes.

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  BOOKS BY PAM GODWIN

Trails of Sin Series KNOTTED (#1) - FREE BUCKLED (#2) BOOTED (#3)

Tangled Lies Series ONE IS A PROMISE (#1) - FREE TWO IS A LIE (#2) THREE IS A WAR (#3)

Deliver Series DELIVER (#1) - FREE VANQUISH (#2) DISCLAIM (#3) DEVASTATE (#4) TAKE (#5) MANIPULATE (#6) UNSHACKLE (#7) DOMINATE (#8) COMPLICATE (#9)

Trilogy of Eve HEART OF EVE - FREE DEAD OF EVE (#1) BLOOD OF EVE (#2) DAWN OF EVE (#3)

Stand-alones DARK NOTES BENEATH THE BURN DIRTY TIES INCENTIVE SEA OF RUIN KING OF LIBERTINES - FREE

[inkyardpress]

Your September TBR

September brings a hint of whimsy as we prepare for all things back to school, pumpkin spice, and cable knit. Prepare for the imminent fall snuggle-down by adding these A+ September reads to the top of your TBR pile.

If There’s No Tomorrow by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Lena Wise is always looking forward to tomorrow, especially at the start of her senior year. She's ready to pack in as much friend time as possible, to finish college applications and to maybe let her childhood best friend Sebastian know how she really feels about him. For Lena, the upcoming year is going to be epic—one of opportunities and chances. 

Until one choice, one moment, destroys everything. 

Now Lena isn't looking forward to tomorrow. Not when friend time may never be the same. Not when college applications feel all but impossible. Not when Sebastian might never forgive her for what happened. 

For what she let happen. 

With the guilt growing each day, Lena knows that her only hope is to move on. But how can she move on when her and her friends' entire existences have been redefined? How can she move on when tomorrow isn't even guaranteed?

Mark your calendars and prepare your hearts, If There’s No Tomorrow comes out September 5! Add it to your Goodreads shelf.

The Ravenous by Amy Lukavics

From the outside, the Cane family looks like they have it all. A successful military father, a loving mother and five beautiful teenage daughters. But on the inside, life isn't quite so idyllic: the Cane sisters can barely stand each other, their father is always away, and their neglectful mother struggles with addiction and depression.  When their youngest and most beloved sister, Rose, dies in a tragic accident, Mona Cane and her sisters are devastated. And when she is brought back from the dead, they are relieved. But soon they discover that Rose must eat human flesh to survive, and when their mother abandons them, the sisters will find out just how far they'll go to keep their family together.

Be ready for these thrills and chills on September 26.

If I Fix You by Abigail Johnson

When sixteen-year-old Jill Whitaker’s mom walks out—with a sticky note as a goodbye—only Jill knows the real reason she’s gone. But how can she tell her father? Jill can hardly believe the truth herself. Suddenly, the girl who likes to fix things—cars, relationships, romances, people—is all broken up. Used to be, her best friend, tall, blond and hot flirt Sean Addison, could make her smile in seconds. But not anymore. They don’t even talk. With nothing making sense, Jill tries to pick up the pieces of her life. But when a new guy moves in next door, intense, seriously cute, but with scars—on the inside and out—that he thinks don’t show, Jill finds herself trying to make things better for Daniel. But over one long, hot Arizona summer, she realizes she can’t fix anyone’s life until she fixes her own. And she knows just where to start…

New in paperback September 26.

One Dark Throne by Kendare Blake

The battle for the Crown has begun, but which of the three sisters will prevail? With the unforgettable events of the Quickening behind them and the Ascension Year underway, all bets are off. Katharine, once the weak and feeble sister, is stronger than ever before. Arsinoe, after discovering the truth about her powers, must figure out how to make her secret talent work in her favor without anyone finding out. And Mirabella, once thought to be the strongest sister of all and the certain Queen Crowned, faces attacks like never before—ones that put those around her in danger she can’t seem to prevent. In this enthralling sequel to Kendare Blake’s New York Times bestselling Three Dark Crowns, Fennbirn’s deadliest queens must face the one thing standing in their way of the crown: each other.

Available September 19th from Harper Teen.

They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera

On September 5, a little after midnight, Death-Cast calls Mateo Torrez and Rufus Emeterio to give them some bad news: They're going to die today. Mateo and Rufus are total strangers, but, for different reasons, they're both looking to make a new friend on their End Day. The good news: There's an app for that. It's called the Last Friend, and through it, Rufus and Mateo are about to meet up for one last great adventure and to live a lifetime in a single day. 

Available September 5 from Harper Teen.

Warcross by Marie Lu

For the millions who log in every day, Warcross isn’t just a game—it’s a way of life. The obsession started ten years ago and its fan base now spans the globe, some eager to escape from reality and others hoping to make a profit. Struggling to make ends meet, teenage hacker Emika Chen works as a bounty hunter, tracking down players who bet on the game illegally. But the bounty hunting world is a competitive one, and survival has not been easy. Needing to make some quick cash, Emika takes a risk and hacks into the opening game of the international Warcross Championships—only to accidentally glitch herself into the action and become an overnight sensation. Convinced she’s going to be arrested, Emika is shocked when instead she gets a call from the game’s creator, the elusive young billionaire Hideo Tanaka, with an irresistible offer. He needs a spy on the inside of this year’s tournament in order to uncover a security problem . . . and he wants Emika for the job. With no time to lose, Emika’s whisked off to Tokyo and thrust into a world of fame and fortune that she’s only dreamed of. But soon her investigation uncovers a sinister plot, with major consequences for the entire Warcross empire. In this sci-fi thriller, #1 New York Times bestselling author Marie Lu conjures an immersive, exhilarating world where choosing who to trust may be the biggest gamble of all.

Available September 12 from G.P. Putnam’s Sons Books.

Genuine Fraud by E. Lockhart

The story of a young woman whose diabolical smarts are her ticket into a charmed life. But how many times can someone reinvent themselves? You be the judge. Imogen is a runaway heiress, an orphan, a cook, and a cheat. Jule is a fighter, a social chameleon, and an athlete.  An intense friendship. A disappearance. A murder, or maybe two.  A bad romance, or maybe three. Blunt objects, disguises, blood, and chocolate. The American dream, superheroes, spies, and villains.  A girl who refuses to give people what they want from her. A girl who refuses to be the person she once was.

Available September 5 from Delacorte Press.

Tower of Dawn by Sarah J. Maas

Chaol Westfall has always defined himself by his unwavering loyalty, his strength, and his position as the Captain of the Guard. But all of that has changed since the glass castle shattered, since his men were slaughtered, since the King of Adarlan spared him from a killing blow, but left his body broken. His only shot at recovery lies with the legendary healers of the Torre Cesme in Antica—the stronghold of the southern continent's mighty empire. And with war looming over Dorian and Aelin back home, their survival might lie with Chaol and Nesryn convincing its rulers to ally with them. But what they discover in Antica will change them both—and be more vital to saving Erilea than they could have imagined.

Available September 5 from Bloomsbury U.S.A. Children’s Books.

The Language of Thorns by Leigh Bardugo

Travel to a world of dark bargains struck by moonlight, of haunted towns and hungry woods, of talking beasts and gingerbread golems, where a young mermaid's voice can summon deadly storms and where a river might do a lovestruck boy's bidding but only for a terrible price. Inspired by myth, fairy tale, and folklore, #1 New York Times bestselling author Leigh Bardugo has crafted a deliciously atmospheric collection of short stories filled with betrayals, revenge, sacrifice, and love.

Available September 26 from Macmillan.

An Enchantment of Ravens by Margaret Rogerson

Isobel is a prodigy portrait artist with a dangerous set of clients: the sinister fair folk, immortal creatures who cannot bake bread, weave cloth, or put a pen to paper without crumbling to dust. They crave human Craft with a terrible thirst, and Isobel’s paintings are highly prized among them. But when she receives her first royal patron—Rook, the autumn prince—she makes a terrible mistake. She paints mortal sorrow in his eyes – a weakness that could cost him his life. Furious and devastated, Rook spirits her away to the autumnlands to stand trial for her crime. Waylaid by the Wild Hunt’s ghostly hounds, the tainted influence of the Alder King, and hideous monsters risen from barrow mounds, Isobel and Rook depend on one another for survival. Their alliance blossoms into trust, then love, violating the fair folks’ ruthless Good Law. There's only one way to save both their lives, Isobel must drink from the Green Well, whose water will transform her into a fair one—at the cost of her Craft, for immortality is as stagnant as it is timeless. Isobel has a choice: she can sacrifice her art for a future, or arm herself with paint and canvas against the ancient power of the fairy courts. Because secretly, her Craft represents a threat the fair folk have never faced in all the millennia of their unchanging lives: for the first time, her portraits have the power to make them feel.

Available September 12 from Margaret K. McElderry Books.

[nickireadstfc]

The Raven King, Chapter 6 – The Return Of Sassmaster McSavage

In which the Foxes and the Ravens meet, no one has any kind of chill, everyone has eaten a healthy dose of Extra and Dramatic for breakfast, and no one can keep their mouths shut – but most importantly, in which shit gets so, so fucking real.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Raven King.

You guys.

You GUYS.

Remember how you keep telling me I’m not even ready?

Yeah. ABOUT THAT.

I am writing this immediately after just because I could not wait to comment on the absolute FUCKERY that went down just now.

I am writing this immediately after just because I could not wait to comment on the absolute FUCKERY that went down just now.

Fun drinking game: Take a shot every time I swear in this chapter. I have no chill left.

Let’s start at the beginning.

           They pulled onto the interstate with thirteen people on board: the Fox team, the two-man staff, and Aaron’s and Nicky’s dates.

Shame. I would have paid to see Andrew and Renee going as wonderful platonic goalie BFF dates.

It quickly becomes obvious that we’re in for a wild fucking ride when Mighty And Stoic Kevin Day already starts having panic attacks while still on the bus.

           It wasn’t just Riko Kevin was afraid of. In twenty minutes, he’d be facing his entire former team. (…) Neil didn’t know much about [Tetsuji Moriyama]. The one time Kevin mentioned him he’d slipped and called him “the master”. Neil didn’t need to hear anything else after that.

Oh yeah. THAT SHIT.

Seriously what the FUCK is up with that family. This is 24601 shades of fucked up.

Wymack, sensing Kevin’s panic (not that that’s fucking hard at the moment) resorts to some ah – unorthodox methods to keep his striker calm.

           Wymack pulled a bottle of vodka out of the bag and put it down beside Kevin. “You have ten seconds to inhale as much of this as possible. Go.”

           It was alarming how much a man could drink when he needed an emotional crutch.

Kevin doesn’t need an emotional crutch, Kevin needs an emotional wheelchair. An emotional prosthesis. Jeez. I’d be drinking, too, if I had to go meet my lifelong abusers face-to-face at a fucking banquet, having to make polite conversation with the people who broke my hand, my self-esteem and probably my will to live.

Also, I’m starting to consider Wymack not the dad of the team, but more the grumpy uncle –  not huge on emotional sappiness, getting them hard liquor, constantly calling them out on their bullshit, yet loving them all fiercely. #dicksoutforwymack

           Wymack (…) turned to Neil.

           “You,” he said, “attempt to behave this time. Don’t pick fights with him today.”

           “Yes, Coach.”

Meaning: So, so many fights will be picked today.  So many. You are not even ready for all the fight-picking my short-tempered sassy ass is about to do.

With that, the banquet is off!

           Thick cushioned mats covered the polished floor to keep table legs and chairs from scraping up the wood. (…) Neil had never seen so many people on an Exy court before. There was still plenty of room to walk around between the tables, but Neil hated seeing a court repurposed like this.

Oh my gooooooood shut the hell up you obsessed knob. It’s not being used right now, so we might as well use it to fit everyone for the banquet. It’s just a wooden floor, for fuck’s sake.

And now – this is where shits starts getting good.

Did I say Neil was Extra™? Did I complain about Kevin being too dramatic?

Forget all that. Meet the true masters of Extra And Dramatic™ – introducing: The Edgar Allan Ravens.

           The Ravens hadn’t brought dates. They hadn’t brought any colour along, either. All twenty-two of them were dressed head-to-toe in black. The twenty men wore the same shirts and slacks, and the two women wore identical dresses. They even sat the same way, all with their right elbows on the table, all of them with their chins in their hands.

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.

Uniform is one thing, but sitting the same way, like ARE YOU ACTUALLY REAL. HOW IS THIS AN ACTUAL THING ACTUAL PEOPLE FUCKING DO.

Of course, some sly fucker in the organization committee had the hilarious idea to sit the two teams directly across from each other. Of fucking course.

Dan, ever the model captain, introduces herself and her team to Riko, as if he didn’t get completely annihilated on national TV by her striker just a few weeks ago.

That Fucker™, however, isn’t having it.

           “I know who you are,” Riko said. “Who here doesn’t? You’re the woman who captains a Class I team. You’ve done admittedly well despite your disadvantages.”

           “What disadvantages?”

           “Do you really want me to start listing them?” Riko asked. “This is only a two-day event, Hennessey.”

OI SCREW YOU YA BIG FUCKNOODLE. I will not have you insult my treasured lionheart daughter like that.

Also, I thought her name was Wilds? The fuck is a Hennessey.

(Side note: I am sorry you guys, this recap is going to be ridiculously long. Every single line here is gold. Blame Nora for writing the sassiest, shadiest, most shocking and just in general best chapter of this series so far.)

It’s time for a new character introduction, one I’ve heard many of you ramble on about on the interwebs – that French dude.

           Neil didn’t recognize the man, but he didn’t need to ask. The black number three tattooed on his left cheekbone meant he could be no one but Jean Moreau.

Lovely. Another one of those dumb ass face tattoo fuckers. I’m filing you as French and pretentious, my dude.

           “You look familiar,” Jean said in heavily accented English.

           “If you watched Kathy’s show you saw me there,” Neil said.

           “Ah, you are right. That must be it. What was your name again? Alex? Stefan? Chris?”

           In eight years on the run Neil had been through sixteen countries and twenty-two names. Hearing one name from Jean wouldn’t mean anything. Hearing three wasn’t a coincidence.

Alright, French and pretentious AND TERRIFYING. COOL.

What the hell??? How??

           “Blame my mother,” Neil said. “She named me.”

           “How is she doing, by the way?” Riko asked.

That Fucker™ knows. He knows.

This was bound to come around at some point. Kevin being too traumatized to recognize Neil was nothing short of amazing, but I guess we can’t always be that lucky.

It was nice knowing you, Neil, because your ass is fucking dead.

           Neil might have answered, but Dan beat him to it with an annoyed “Don’t antagonize my team, Riko. This isn’t the place for it.”

           “I was being polite,” Riko said. “You haven’t seen me antagonistic yet.”

And I don’t think I fucking want to, hombre.

Excuse me for a second while I nerd out over the most unexpected reference of this entire series:

           Neither of them [Kevin and Jean] had anything else to say to each other, but they stared each other down unblinking. Andrew lost interest before long and leaned forward.

           “Jean,” he said. “Hey, Jean. Jean Valjean. Hey. Hey. Hello.”

……………………………. did you just.

JEAN VALJEAN. AS IN, BREAD DAD. AS IN, THE PROTAGONIST OF ONE OF MY FAVOURITE MUSICALS/FILMS/FANDOMS OF ALL TIME.  Like, I’ve done Les Mis cosplay. Several times. That’s how dedicated I am.

I AM #SHOOK.

However, I am decidedly not liking Jean Valjean – or either of That Fucker™’s posse, actually. They first take a few moments to talk shit about Andrew (“publicity stunt”, can you fuck the fuck off) and then they come for my firstborn daughter Renee.

           The woman now on Riko’s right gave a loud snort. “If someone like that replaced you in goal, you must be downright terrible. I can’t wait to watch one of your matches. I think it will be entertaining. We would make a drinking game of it but we don’t want to die of alcohol poisoning.”

           “Yeah, that’s be a shame,” Dan said with heavy sarcasm.

DAN <33333

My darling angel, however, doesn’t take the bait.

           “Do we have to start off so poorly?”

           “Why not? You’re poor at everything else you do,” the woman said. “Is it honestly fun to be so terrible?”

           “I imagine we have more fun than you do, yes,” Renee said.

Correction: My darling angel does take the bait – and brings the fucking shade.

           “Fun is for children,” Jean said, looking away from Andrew.

           If he’d been going to say anything else, he forgot it when he got a good look at Renee.

First of all – “fun is for children”, can you fucking chill, Monsieur Pretentieux Superlatif.

Second of all – what’s that “suddenly stopping talking when he sees Renee” thing about?? Do they have shared history as well? Is he just blinded by her angelic beauty and wants to bone her?

I am absolutely NOT LIKING the latter possibility. Protect my daughter.

The Ravens continue being The Absolute Worst™, talking about how Kevin “belongs” to them (can u fuckin not) and should come to his senses and return to them (as fucking if).

           “You should reconsider our offer before we rescind it for good, Kevin. Face the facts. You pet is and always be dead weight. It’s time to –“

           “What?” Andrew turned a wide-eyed look on Kevin. “You have a pet and never told us? Where do you keep it, Kevin?”

ANDREW LET ME LOVE YOU. I had to laugh so hard at that, oh my god. That’s the only proper way to respond to something like that, tbh.

That Fucker™, however, has found a new target to harass – ya boi Neil, who has kept admirably quiet so far and has probably bitten off his own tongue at this point trying to avoid bursting out in sass rants.

That is, until That Fucker™ comes for his mom.

           “What a coward,” Riko said with exaggerated disappointment. “Just like his mother.”

Cue the moment I stopped breathing.

           “You know, I get it,” Neil said. “Being raised as a superstar must be really, really difficult for you. Always a commodity, never a human being, not a single person in your family thinking you’re worth a damn off the court – yeah, sounds rough. Kevin and I talk about your intricate and endless daddy issues all the time.”

HOLY FUCKING –

           “I know it’s not entirely your fault that you are mentally unbalanced and infected with these delusions of grandeur, and I know you are physically incapable of holding a decent conversation with anyone like every other normal human being can, but I don’t think any of us should have to put up with this much of your bullshit. Pity only gets you so many concessions, and you used yours up about six insults ago. So please, just shut the fuck up and leave us alone.”

I had to take a moment. I had to put the book down and fucking scream for a moment.

SASSMASTER MCSAVAGE STRIKES AGAIN, Y’ALL.

I AM YELLING AND CLAPPING MY HANDS LIKE AN EXCITED SEAL FFS NEIL I L O V E Y O U.

           Neil leaned forward and look down at the table at Dan, who sat with her face buried in her hands.

           “Dan, I said please. I tried to be nice.”

Oh my GOD. That is just the cherry on top of the sundae of EPICNESS that just went down.

I SAID PLEASE.

I cannot handle this. I cannot. Holy shit.

           Jean turned on Kevin and spoke in quick, furious French. “What the hell is this?”

           “His antagonism is a personality flaw we’ve learned to live with,” Kevin said.

Pfftftftftftt. Kevin is entirely done with this situation and I love it.

However, fun times are immediately the fuck over, as Jean Valjean hints at someone having “bought” Neil and assumes Kevin had recruited him because of that.

And just as I was beginning to wonder hat hell he is talking about – he drops this.

           “Riko will have a few moments of your time later,” Jean said. “I suggest you speak with him if you do not want everyone to know you are the Butcher’s son.”

WHAT.

WHAT.

OH SHIT T H E Y K N O W I FUCKING SAID IT OH SHIT WHAT.

Kevin, who has skillfully repressed his memories of Neil up until this point, is about as shocked by this development as I am and has to go have some emergency vodka, like, asap.

Neil, on the other hand, shows some wonderful, wonderful signs of character development.

           “Neil, if you can’t be here say so,” Wymack said. “Abby can take you elsewhere until it’s time to leave. Get out of here and get some fresh air.”

           It was the perfect opening, but Neil couldn’t take it. If he did, he really would go, and he wouldn’t come back. Running wasn’t easy, but it was easier than trusting Andrew. But Neil remembered the weight of a key in his palm, its metal soaked through with another person’s body heat. He remembered Andrew’s promise to see this year through with him.

           “No,” Neil said, finally finding his voice. “I knew this was going to happen. I just wasn’t ready for it. I’m fine.”

Ma BOY <3 Neil slowly learning to trust people and deal with his problems is my No 1 kink.

Actually, No 2 kink. No 1 would be Neil absolutely shade-wrecking people.

They leave their mess of a seating arrangement and find some new spots elsewhere, and later go mingling with the other teams. This goes surprisingly well, mostly due to the fact that it gives Neil and Kevin an excuse to talk about Exy and Exy alone – which is, as we all know, the only fucking thing those two morons can talk about.

However, those admirable avoiding tactics only go well for so long.

           It took him a few seconds to realize the Ravens were coming. The entire team was crossing the court toward Kevin, walking in V formation like a flock of birds going south.

Are you serious. What level of dramatic holy SHIT.

Did they, like, form this like a dance formation before walking over? Riko instructing everyone where to stand, ‘no, you over there, leave equal amounts of space, come on guys, just form a diagonal line, we need to get going, we need to look intimidating, gUYS’

Or do they do this so often that is has become second nature by now and it’s just how they go everywhere?

I genuinely don’t know which option I find funnier.

But wait – it gets better.

           Riko stopped further away than Neil thought he would, but Neil understood a moment later. The rest of the Ravens kept going, flipping their V until they’d trapped the three Foxes between them.

I am crying so much how is this a thing you do, literally what level of Extra and Dramatic™ are you ON, I cannot deal with this.

Please – next time I comment on how extra the Foxes are being, remind me of The V Incident.

Now, just as I was thinking ‘oh shit, this is going to go south again so quickly’… Foxes to the rescue!

           Renee appeared out of nowhere at Kevin’s other side. She looped one arm through Kevin’s and held her free hand out to Jean. “Jean, wasn’t it? My name is Renee Walker. We didn’t really get a chance to talk earlier.”

           Confusion eased Jean’s stoic mask into something more than a little uncomfortable, be he accepted her handshake. “Jean Moreau.”

For real, I’m so interested in what the fuck is going on with these two. My money is on shared history. This could be my Renee’s-backstory-hungry brain talking, but reading their passages this sounds v v likely.

Did someone say backstory??

           [Matt] held out his hand but didn’t look surprised when no one took it. “Guess the pleasure’s all mine.”

           “We’re sure it is,” the Raven striker said, “seeing how you’re dating a prostitute.”

           “Stripper,” Dan corrected as she showed up and wound an arm around Matt’s waist. (…) “Hopefully you’re smart enough to distinguish between the two professions. If you’re not, I have serious concerns about your academic standings.”

FUCK, YEAH.

DAN, MY GIRL MY DUDE MY DAUGHTER.

She was a stripper! Holy shit! And she’s not ashamed of it, but admits it freely and is even proud of it! Holy! Shit!

Positive depictions of sex workers in pop culture is so, so rare, and I’m so happy we get some here. I did not expect this and I’m v pleasantly surprised right now.

           “Hennessey, right?” one of the strikers said. “Such a good name for such a fierce spirit.”

           “We were a little disappointed that you didn’t sign up as part of the entertainment tonight,” one of the others said. “We were looking forward to the show.” (…)

           The striker grinned at Matt over [Dan’s] shoulder, then tilted forward and sucked a deep breath against her neck.

           Dan brought her stilettos between his legs inn a vicious punch.

I repeat myself: FUCK. YEAH.

Also, that’s what a Hennessey is. Noted.

Fun backstory done – That Fucker, Senior™ has arrived. Tetsuji Moriyama is about everything I don’t want near my Foxes, combined into one slimy sack of asshole. The whole “master” thing still both scares and infuriates me.

However, we don’t have to spend long enjoying his absolutely unenjoyable company as Neil is called off to have a little tête-à-tête with That Fucker, Junior™.

           “Nathaniel, it has been so long.”

NATHANIEL???????

Did we just discover Neil’s true name, holy shit?????

Nathaniel is a beautiful name, though. I’ve always liked it. Shame.

Apparently, the way That Fucker™ could find Neil so quickly was by getting a glass with Neil’s fingerprints on it from Kathy Ferdinand. Well, fuck.

           Riko started across the room on slow steps. “Jean says Kevin did not know who you are. After seeing Kevin’s reaction, I’m inclined to believe him. (…) But you must know who you are, so I am very, very curious to know what you think you are doing.”

Bitch, aren’t we all! Aren’t we fucking all!!

And now- we’ve reached the point where shit gets so, so painfully real.

Did I say earlier I stopped breathing when Neil was dragging Riko?

Fuck that. That was nothing compared to what followed next.

I was not remotely ready.

           “You have already cost my family a sizeable fortune and eight years of trouble.”

           “How?” Neil asked. “The money I took was my father’s.” (…)

           “Nothing your father owned was his!” Riko snapped.

What.

           Riko grabbed Neil by the shoulders and slammed him into the wall. Neil’s head hit hard enough to rattle teeth.

           “I refuse to believe she never told you. All this time running and you never asked why?”

What.

           “You were not running from your father, Nathaniel. You were running from his master.”

WHAT.

WHAT IN THE FUCKING WHAT????

           What Riko was suggesting was impossible. The Butcher was one of the biggest names on the eastern seaboard. He made Baltimore his home, but his territory extended from D.C. to outer Newark. He had a fiercely loyal syndicate and a penchant for grotesque executions. (…)

           If the Moriyamas really were powerful enough to keep a man like the butcher under lock and key Neil was so far in over his head he might as well be six feet under.

That is amazingly worded, well done. Also, I’m kinda peeing my pants here.

If I’ve looked this up correctly, that’s a territory about twice the size of New York City.

Like. Imagine controlling New York City. And then that – TWICE.

And THEN imagine controlling the guy who controls all of that, and then some more.

Yeah. You dead, bro.

           “Learn your place. I will never tolerate this level of disrespect from you again. Do you understand?”

           Neil was already in his coffin. He might as well nail it shut. “Yeah, I understand you’re a complete asshole.”

Riko: Neil, no.

The Foxes: Neil, no.

Common sense: Neil, no.

Me: NEIL, FUCK NO.

Neil: Neil, yes.

Thankfully, Matt arrives in order to save Neil from digging his sass-induced grave even deeper, and after some nice threats about ratting his shitty ass behaviour out to the ERC, Riko finally fucks off.

           “I don’t think Riko likes me very much. Should I be disappointed?”

Are you fucking serious bruh. Are you serious.

           Matt looked skyward as if searching for patience.

Which is, incidentally, the No 1 reaction people have to Neil speaking more than a few polite sentences at a time.

Never talk to me or my short-tempered sassmaster idiot son ever again.

And with that trainwreck of an encounter, the Foxes take their curt leave from the banquet. Some more comments are made – Neil and Kevin will have A Talk™ tomorrow, Andrew got called Doe earlier by Jean Valjean  because that was his preliminary surname when he entered the foster system (which probably means the Ravens also know more about Andrew than we should be comfortable with) – but all of that pales in comparison to the absolute FUCKERY we just witnessed.

Holy shit.

I have to go, like, breathe into a bag for five hours.

See you Wednesday.

If you like what I do here and you want to help me continue writing, please consider buying me a coffee! Thank you so much <3

[quickreaver]

J2 Longfic Fridays!

A few weeks ago, I was asked over on tumblr for some of my J2 recs, the longer the better, and since I'm horrible at keeping records and my memory is poo, I laid it on my twitter TL. (Which is chockful of great fandom creators, and if you want choice recs? Ask the people who make the goods.)

The list grew into a MONSTER within minutes of posing the question: what's your favorite J2 longfic? I haven't read most of them, but on the upside, look at this embarrassment of riches! To keep it manageable (or else it'll go on forever and take up most of my life), I'll offer ten J2 longfic recs a week—posting on Friday—until I run out or I change the topic or whatevs. I'll include a brief description and a review if I've read the fic. For tracking, I'll be tagging these “J2LongficFriday”. My personal recs will be listed with an asterisk, I'll update with reviews as I chug through the list, and I'm always taking more recs and reviews. Happy J2ing!

(presented alphabetically by title)

~A Man's Fortune by morrezela. 29k. “Jared is a dragon. Jensen is a pretty if foolhardy young man trespassing on Jared’s mountain. Nobody ever warned Jensen about the possessive nature of dragons.” ~Dawnbringer 'Verse by lexicale. 300k. Another highly recced selection. Like shifter stuff? Give this a try. “The story follows Jensen and Jared, both werecats and both dealing with loss but coming from two very different situations. The fic explore their relationship as well as the world of the 'ailure,' a race of creatures capable of changing their shape from cat to human.” ~Do I Seem Bulletproof to You?* By fleshflutter. 96k. “When he can't find any acting work, Jared takes a job as driver and bodyguard to Jensen, who is an extremely expensive prostitute with a bad habit of attracting crazy people.”

This is the most recommended fic of all the bunch, so I'm reading it now. And yep, it's as good as everyone says it is. You get lured right into Jared's plight, his infatuation, his dilemmas. The incidental characters are interesting, and I can't say too much more about it since I'm not that far into it, but it's just a little bit hot. Yep. There's this one swimming pool scene, well. (Doesn't hurt that I just got back from my first visit to LA, so I can really picture the setting.) Enjoying the hell outta this fic so far! ~Get No Harder by kelleigh. 29k. “It was the summer that made coming back to life worthwhile. Based off of Farmer's Daughter, which is a terrible, terrible country song.”

I'm gonna read this one next, because kelleigh is a lovely person, a lovely writer, and this line from her author notes hooked me like a carp: “Jared was the wayward son and Jensen was the addict, looking for work and looking to save himself. He found so much more. ♥” ~Modern Love by sonofabiscuit77, 36k. “In 2005, art intern, Jared Padalecki, fell in love with his boss, ambitious and promiscuous Jensen Ackles. Five years later, reeling from a tragedy that killed three of their friends, they left Texas to build a new life in New York. It’s now 2012, and Jared’s no longer the idealistic intern, he’s got everything he thought he wanted, except nothing seems to be going right: Jensen's business is faltering, their sex life is non-existent and the past won't leave them alone. Still, Jared’s got no intention of giving up on Jensen; he just hopes Jensen feels the same way.” ~Off the Menu* by cherie_morte. 26k. “Jared is an injured kid wandering down the side of the road the first time Jensen meets him. He brings Jared back to Baby's, his father's diner, to help. As they grow up, they become close friends, but just when Jensen is beginning to realize his feelings for Jared may be more than friendly, Jared disappears. Years later, Jared returns to his diner, but he's not alone. Every night, he comes in escorted by a different john, and Jensen quietly aches for the boy he fell in love with.”

Cherie's prose always has heart and sass that sucks you right in. These characters break molds and they don't do the easy, expected things, which gives the deliciously indulgent plot a real sense of believability. Brownie points: hurt/comfort a'plenty, and Jensen's adorable tum.

~On Frost-tipped Feathers* by cleflink. 20k. “Jensen is the Keeper of the Birds for the powerful trade city of Kerak. His life is entirely given over to his duty, until the day he stumbles over a secret hidden deep below the City Palace that has the power to destroy the entire country and will change his life forever. An ice demon.”

Another ReverseBang collaboration with a wonderful writer! Cleflink builds amazing worlds, and this one was no exception. Fantasy-esque, with gods and talking ravens and a gloriously ambiguous morality that is reminiscent of the best fables. And then there are a couple of pretty pictures to look at too, heh!

~QB 'Verse* by pianoforeplay. 230k. Jensen. Jared. Football. Allllll the pining. That's all you've gotta know. Full confession: I skimmed some of the lengthy football scenes, but if you love the sport, the attention to detail will knock your socks off. Great cast of characters, lotsa nail-biting, just a really fantastically crafted series of fics!

~The End is Here* by whispered_story. 14k. “Ever since the virus started spreading and the infected starting roaming the country, Jared has been living on the streets, trying his best to survive. Living in the nearby camp of survivors might be easier, except dealing with people can be more difficult than dealing with infected—especially when one of those people is Jensen. After all, getting involved gives you more to lose.”

I did the art for this ReverseBang entry, and I loved every word that came out of it. It's on the shorter side and an easy read. It's quiet and thoughtful, and the characters are wounded and caring and deliciously complicated. Mild violence, h/c, a few zombies but they're not really a focus. It's all about the relationships! ~This Long Silence by dugindeep. 54k. “Jensen serves as the young sheriff of Morgan Falls, a town in the middle of nowhere that never has much happen. Until the residents start to turn, becoming violent and attacking one another. While trying to manage the chaos, Jensen is concerned with tracking down his neighbor, Jared, who's been hauled out of town with others in the quarantine. As Jensen becomes more desperate, those around him are clueless to his obsession, and he begins to recall how he and Jared became so close. Their sleepy town will never be the same, nor will Jensen and Jared.” (Inspired by The Crazies.)

I love dugindeep's writing, and this was one of many of her fics folks recced to me. Really looking forward to reading this one!

This should get everyone started on their summer reading!