#tempted to download Grindr again

[gummy-sharks666]

Dawg I’m so fucking annoying bc like I want a relationship but I also don’t want a relationship bc I fear commitment but I also can’t figure out if I want a bf or if hooking up would just be better or like fwb type thing but I also want a bf to like know every part of me as a person but I’m too afraid of letting anyone in that far so I think instead I’ll just ignore all of these feelings and keep bottling them up until I explode

[breeding-hole-whore]

I'm so tempted to download Grindr again and open up my holes again for chasers. Maybe I'll find Prince Charming, who'll knock me up and parade me around online. Show off how he changes me, puts my detransition into the hands of internet strangers, gets ideas from sadists and misogynists to turn me into the breeding bimbo wife of his dreams

[houndsofheaven]

Trick or treat?

from a tomarry wrong number texting AU where Tom is a prestige actor and Harry is a student athlete

Harry: ugh 

Fuck this 

I need to blow off some steam 

Ginny: I’m going to the gym in an hour if you want to join?

Harry: tempting 

But no 

I'm downloading Grindr again 

Ginny: yasssss

Ron: remember the rules 

Harry: yes mum 

Ginny: What are the rules? 

Ron: Haz isn't allowed to bring blokes over to the flat 

Ginny: ????

Hermione: Ronald that's rather homophobic 

Ron: what? no! 

Hermione: you're not allowing Harry to have sex in his own home 

he shouldn't have to compromise his safety for your comfort 

Ginny: preach 

Ron: I'm an ally!!!!

Harry: it's really not like that 

Ron: right like Neville can fuck any man he likes in our flat 

Neville: oh yeah Harry just pulls the weirdest blokes 

Ron: remember that guy who wouldn't leave for a week and then claimed squatters rights? 

Neville: oh or the one who made a quilt from our stolen pants 

Harry: I think that's still on display at the campus art gallery actually

Ron: Draco Malfoy 

Neville: DRACO MALFOY 

Harry: that was ONE time 

Neville: can't forget about the fucking snake 

Ron: HUGE snake!!!!

Harry: in my defense when the bloke said he had a huge snake I thought he was talking about something else 

Neville: you liked that snake though

Harry: yeah she was pretty. Shame the owner was so odd. What if I got a pet snake?

Ron: I think the fuck not mate 

Neville: veto’d 

Harry: oh so Nev can fill the flat up with poisonous plants but I can't have a snake 

Ron: yes 

Neville: that's correct

Harry: I could get a little one? 

Ginny: aw that would be cute 

Ron: don't you dare encourage him 

Ginny: you can move in with me Hazza

You can have all the gay sex and snakes you like 

Harry: thank you Ginny

A true friend 

[candysboydotmp4]

im so tempted to download grindr again. if anyone wants to flirt in my dms now is the time

[clairenvk]

r + e fic rec

a collection of 40+ completed reddie fics i’ve read on ao3 and loved; ranging from soft to cute to funny to ridiculous to angsty. you may have read some of this, you may not have, but these are all worth your time. if you read any of these and enjoy them then remember to leave a kudos and a comment for the author to let them know that you liked it!

✨ - Fav 😎 - fun/funny 💕 - Soft 💜 - cute (cute cute!)  🌹 - emotional / atmospheric ⚠️ - angsty ⚔️ - nsfw

💕 up off the floor  - kaspbrak_kid

“In a world where we can kill a fucking clown from space, Eddie Kaspbrak doesn’t get to die from a stab wound."

15.3k words. 6 chapters.

Note - the Most soft. tender. taking care of each other and getting together. this author also has a wip that’s a lot more sad but with as much Yearning as this one so i’d recommend you check their stuff out.

💕 And All The Time He’s Mumbling - monarchyofroses

“It suits you.” Richie frowned. “Huh?” “Being in love,” Ben clarified. “It suits you.” Richie smiled, then, so hard that it made Ben wonder how his face had not splitted in two. “I’m in fucking limerence, man.” 

2.7k words. 1 chapter

Note - ben and richie have a Conversation about the loves of their lives basically. Truly Soft.

💕 What He’s Mumbling? - monarchyofroses

"But. But that's what you do for..." "...A friend," Maggie finished for him, or well, not exactly for him, considering he was about to come out. Richie to God, if you exist and this is your revenge for my atheism, it's not funny. Also, you suck.

3.5k words. 1 chapter.

Note - coming out! i love the toziers. part 2 of the same series the previous fic is from.

💕 💜 No Mistakes - usnavi

When Richie Tozier tells Eddie Kaspbrak he loves him, they're watching Jurassic Park and Eddie's wearing his clothes like it's all meant to be this way. 

1.4k words. 1 chapter.

✨ 💜 Richie Tozier: Come Out and Play - piginawig

Richie Tozier: Come Out & Play, a new Netflix special! Comedian Richie Tozier is back after a very public mental breakdown. And he's ready to (over)share.

5.7k words. 1 chapter.

Note - My personal favorite version of this trope.

😎 Richie Tozier, an Apple Music Listener - plinys

Apple Music ✓ @AppleMusic Thanks for the support @trashmouth! We love to see loyal #AppleMusic fans! Apple Music ✓ @AppleMusic Also, in unrelated news, the #AppleMusic recommended song of the day is “thank u, next” by Ariana Grande.

1.2k words. 1 chapter.

Note - Post Chapter 2. I’m a sucker for fics involving social media. Also, this is funny and lighthearted and i love it.

😎 Retweet. - plinys

richie tozier ✓ @trashmouth what did i miss lol

3k words. 1 chapter.

Note - Post Chapter 2. 

😎 💜 ⚔️ Let’s Hear It For The Boy - sloppybitch

Eddie’s just trying to see if he’s not alone when he downloads Grindr on his phone. It’s by pure, terrifying coincidence that one of the first messages he receives on there is from none other than Richie freaking Tozier. Long story short: trashmouth;) (11:03PM): oh me, oh my. fancy seeing u here Eddie (11:33PM): holy FUCKING SHIT.

9.8k words. 1 chapter.

Note - Part 1 of an ongoing series.

😎 💜 ⚔️ Let’s Give The Boy a Hand - sloppybitch

After finding each other on Grindr and sharing a couple of saucy texts and a phone call that would make a nun faint, Richie and Eddie find each other in the clubhouse, and they... talk. Sure, they talk. Let’s call it talking. Beverly, meanwhile, discovers that none of the Losers have ever gotten drunk, and what’s being a teenager without breaking a few drinking laws? Ben has a free house, and Eddie has never been more afraid of a game of Truth or Dare in his entire fucking life.

24k words. 1 chapter.

Note - Part 2 of the series the previous fic is part of.

✨ 💜 Five Times The Losers Gave Richie Permission - toomuchrootbeer

The Losers keep trying to tell Richie something, but he's never been great at taking a hint. 

10.7k words. 1 chapter.

Note - anything that has all of the losers really present in their fics is the loml. some mentions of period typical racism and homophobia but no slurs, mainly mentioned for context of the time.

✨ 💜 Husband and Husband - thatsuperawkwardgirl

Richie gets the idea at the end of kindergarten, when the teacher has everyone do projects on their families. The class talks about how some families have moms and dads who are married, and some don’t. Richie being…well, Richie, he goes straight home and asks his parents why they got married if they didn’t have to. Richie learns about marriage and love, and comes up with an excellent plan.

7.8k words. 1 chapter.

Note - the sweetest, most adorable fic ever. couldn’t stop smiling. Part 1 of an ongoing series.

💜 A Good Husband - thatsuperawkwardgirl

Eddie sits in a chair in front of the principal’s desk, bouncing his leg anxiously--a habit he picked up from Richie, that annoying little twerp. Mrs. Smith is calling his mother for the third time in the last hour, and Eddie knows she won’t be picking up; Wednesday mornings are when she runs her errands and doesn’t return until late afternoon. This is the perfect time to get suspended, Eddie really has to pat himself on the back for that one. Eddie gets in trouble at school for fighting, and Maggie Tozier comes to pick him up.

2.5k words. 1 chapter.

Note - Part 2 of Married Life, the same series the previous fic is a part of. Truly so ridiculously cute it makes me want to scream.

😎 💜 light as a feather (got you and i together) - anniebibananie

RICHIE: why the fuck does eddie look so cute today RICHIE: his sweater sleeves keep falling down over his palms, like how could I see that and not think “I know exactly how to keep those sleeves up, just hold my hand” BEN: richie this is so sweet! BEN: but I feel like you didn’t mean to send this to me? RICHIE: This message will self-destruct in five seconds. [or Richie accidentally texts Ben about his feelings for Eddie and everyone gets involved]

1.6k words. 1 chapter.

Note - could not stop smiling the whole way through.

✨💜 the years go by like days - georgiestauffenberg

It’s Eddie he wants to get a hold of, though, and he does, tucking him under his arm, and ruffling his hair, making him laugh. He’s startled when Eddie looks at him with such happy, shining eyes. And, for a split-second, he’s tempted to kiss him right then, right there in front of everyone. He wants to. Badly. He doesn’t. He leans in, instead, and he smacks a loud, wet kiss to Eddie’s cheek, punctuating it with a “mwah!” He does it again and again. “I’m so proud of my little Eds Spagheds!” “Get off me!” Eddie says, laughing and shoving him away, swatting at his hands. AU. in the 27 years in-between, Richie and Eddie forget a lot, but they don't forget each other.

121.9k words. 4 chapters.

Note - make sure you have the time before starting this because i couldn’t stop once i started. god. really good.

💕 come on, come on - Chokingonholywater

“Yo, Eddie, play some music, will ya?” When Richie asks Eddie to put on some music in the car that day after school, Eddie doesn't think anything of it. It's a familiar request; he knows the passcode to Richie's phone, knows where Spotify is, knows what Richie likes to listen to while he drives. But what Eddie doesn't know is why, exactly, there's suddenly a playlist his name on it - literally.

8.6k words. 1 chapter.

Note - They’re in Love. and they have a playlist to prove it.

💕 sleepover - sleqnir

“You jealous?” Richie tilts his head. “Jennifer is kinda hot.” He’s referring to Ben’s girlfriend. Eddie’s face falls. “Oh. Um… no. I’m happy for him. I just…” “Want it too?” Richie’s jaw clenches. His chest aches in a way all too familiar. “A girlfriend? For yourself?” Eddie’s looking at him nervously. “I want… a relationship. I guess.” Richie looks back up at the ceiling, giving another millionth sigh. “Yeah, well… don’t sweat it so much. You’re not the only one.”“You want a girlfriend?” “I want a... relationship.” He mimics Eddie’s words.

2.5k words. 1 chapter.

🌹 ⚔️ the anatomy of a joke - crescenteluce

He trails off and Bev raises an eyebrow. ‘So, you being in bed together fits in there how exactly?’ ‘No, Jesus, Bev.’ Eddie says and Richie, horrifyingly, feels his cheeks heat under Bev’s suspicious look. Something needs to be done, so he plucks Eddie’s phone from his hands. ‘I am appalled by your implications, Beverly.’ He says sternly, trying to ignore the blood still not quite done rushing to his face. ‘I would have you know that I’d never defile Eddie like that, the poor man’s 40 year old and still a virgin and if I’d have the honor of-’ He’s cut off by Eddie trying to wrestle the phone away from him as Bev cackles delightedly.

11.7k words. 1 chapter.

💜 say what you mean (out loud) - Redburn

Richie can’t help it when something heavy refuses to leave his stomach, something relentless and daunting. He looks at Eddie and can’t help but want, can’t help but need, watching this boy watch the stars and thinking he would be happy to spend the rest of his life just like this, right here standing next to him. Or, Richie realizes he likes Eddie and promptly goes through the five stages of grief. 

7.4k words. 1 chapter.

Note - Good ol’ fluff with slight internalized homophobia and a whole lot of yearning.

💜 across the gap - sondersoflight

“You fucking stupid asshole,” Eddie says but he is smiling when he leans forward, grabbing Richie by the lapels of the ridiculous bright yellow shirt with dancing avocados he is wearing. “I’m the fucking love of your life.” 

6.4k words. 1 chapter.

💕 💜 Five Times Richie Kisses Eddie and One Time He Doesn’t Have To - multifandomtakeover

Eddie Kaspbrak is a little inexperienced in the kissing department and Richie Tozier is more than willing to help him out. 

5.7k words. 1 chapter.

✨ 🌹 💕 ⚠️ No Saints, No Sinners, No Devil As Well - saooharine

Andy Muschietti looked at Eddie Kaspbrak so now I feel obligated to repair the damage and make it gayer.

Following Richie from the sewer showdown and to the hospital with Eddie and the Losers Club by his side.

6.2k words. 1 chapter.

⚔️ In This Cold Heart - pineapplecrushface

The future Richie sees while he's caught in the deadlights gives him a chance to save Eddie. In the year afterward, they both try to follow Stan's advice. 

16.9k words. 1 chapter.

💕 💜 ⚠️ 🌹 Wouldn’t it be nice? - podcastalien

Richie wonders what exactly is supposed to be so great about being a kid as he tries to carve initials into the kissing bridge. 

2.5k words. 1 chapter.

⚔️ Men of Fall - kaboomslang

Do you remember? He watches his own hand slide closer along the armrest. Do memories transfer by touch, in this fucked up magic town? Remember, Richie, please, and tell me I wasn’t imagining things. 

7k words. 1 chapter.

💜 Any Man’s Game - tossertozier

It's two months before graduation, and Richie and Eddie can turn virtually anything into a competition. Even kissing.

10.5k words. 3 chapters.

💜 ⚠️ ⚔️ This safe place - tinyarmedtrex

Eddie asks Richie to pretend to be his boyfriend at his family reunion. What’s the worst that can happen? 

31k words. 14 chapters.

⚠️ ⚔️ Stay for the Storm - inoubliable

Richie and Eddie had become friends almost on sight. Since they met, most of Eddie's time in Los Angeles has involved Richie in some way. It's a little different, now that they're both famous. It's a little different, now that they're sleeping together. Well, to be fair, they've been sleeping together for a long time, but. No one knows, not even their friends. Eddie has been very careful about that. It's just not the sort of publicity he needs. So when Beverly calls him that sunny Thursday morning, the last thing he expects her to say is, "You're fucking Richie?"

20.8k words. 1 chapter.

💜 and this is who we are - sunsetozier

He realizes, suddenly, that being in a position like this meant nothing to him two weeks ago. At the time, it was completely normal, holding no real meaning other than comfort and tradition – after all, him and Eddie have been disgustingly cuddly with one another since they were kids, even though they’d usually bicker while holding each other close, much to the annoyance (and entertainment) of their friends. Now, however, Richie can feel his heart skip a beat in his chest, an undeniable thundering that echoes loudly in his ears. He can picture his younger self, as much of an oblivious idiot as he may have been, soaking in the warmth and the affection of Eddie’s touch when they hugged, shoved, or even just nudged one another. It’s funny, really, how much changes once you’re aware of how you feel. [In which Eddie and Beverly lie to their friends for five years before finally coming out, much to the surprise of one supposedly straight Richie Tozier.]

40.7k words. 8 chapters.

💜 hawaii hottie - sunsetozier

Letting his eyes flutter shut in order to avoid everyone’s gazes, Richie meekly explains, “I got another letter from Eds, okay? And I know he’s on vacation, doing all these cool things, and I know Hawaii is, like, super sunny and everything, but- guys. Guys.” He stops, unable to force out the words he wants to. From somewhere off to his left, he hears Bill say, “Spit it out, man. What’s the big deal?”“ There was a polaroid in this letter,” Richie tells them. He would be embarrassed, but by this point they all know how smitten he is, so there’s no reason to be bashful as he practically whines out, “And he’s getting hotter.” [In which Eddie goes on vacation and Richie can't deal with it.]

4.6k words. 1 chapter.

💜 He Came In Through the Window - mischiefmanager

"It’s finally happened. I cannot fit through this goddamn window. I’m out of ideas." or Eddie enlists the help of two other Losers to help fix his bedroom window, and finally spills the beans about what's going on between him and Richie.

11.3k words. 1 chapter

💜 Home - mischiefmanager

“Tooooozier-Kaspbrak residence,” Richie says cheerfully, holding the phone up to his ear. “May I ask who—oh hello, Mrs. K! How the fuck are you?” Richie and Eddie living together in LA, being in love and dealing with Mrs. K long-distance.

6.9k words. 1 chapter.

✨ ⚠️ hit me baby one more time - theappleppielifestyle

Richie reaches up a shaking hand and puts it on Eddie’s stomach. “Uhhh,” Eddie says. “Is this a bit? Is this a really inopportune bit? ‘Cause I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Richie, but this is kind of an important moment-” “What the fuck,” Richie says, not for the first or last time, and lurches forwards to hug him. (Or, Richie gets stuck in a time loop.)

11.1k words. 1 chapter.

💕 are we living for the feeling? - michelllejones

“You’re such an idiot,” Eddie tells Richie with a frown. He snorts at that. “Says you. Your knees are all bloody. You fall off your bike or something?” He asks, and for a split second Eddie thinks he can hear genuine concern in his voice. He’s probably just imagining it, though, since Richie’s only ever concerned about two things: his dick, and the size of it.“ So what if I did?” Eddie bites back, feeling almost defensive. Richie should be the last person teasing him about falling off of a bike. Especially since Eddie watched him trip over his own foot less than a week ago! or, Eddie takes a tumble and goes to Richie for help.

4.5k words. 1 chapter.

💕 what would they say? - michelllejones

And despite telling Eddie he would, he doesn’t go home—at least not at first. He isn't sure what wills him to do it, but his bike takes him in the other direction, past the Barrens and to the street, right to the Kissing Bridge in all its vandalized glory. Slurs and poorly carved hearts and names he doesn’t recognize stare back at him as he digs into his jeans and pulls out his dad’s old pocketknife.

4.1k words. 1 chapter.

💕 back in the summer - michelllejones

“What?” Eddie snaps, feels immediately defensive. “Why are you looking at me like that? Do I have something on my face?” Self consciously, he buries his nose into his comic book. Glares at Richie over the brim, frown tugging at the corners of his mouth. He waits for Richie to take the bait, provide some half clever quip that will catapult them into some sort of argument, as is customary. But the taunt never comes. Instead, he reaches forward—with a look in his eyes that if Eddie didn’t know any better would let himself think is almost fond—takes a curl in between gentle fingers and says, “your hair’s longer,” in a tone so tender it is almost unrecognizable.

1.6k words. 1 chapter.

💕 ⚠️ savage - inoubliable

Eddie Kaspbrak is twelve years old. He's kissed for the first time. And then kissed again. -- "You're bisexual." Eddie has never said the word out loud before, and it feels a little taboo, but it also feels like a weight off his chest. "You like boys and girls. It isn't weird, and it isn't gross, and you aren't selfish because of it. You aren't dirty or disgusting. You're Richie Tozier, and you're my best friend. I'm Eddie Kaspbrak, and I'm an idiot. I get it."

3.7k words. 1 chapter

💕 💜 Morphine - inoubliable

Eddie Kaspbrak is fourteen years old. He's a lot more honest with himself when he's drugged. -- They all crowd around Eddie's bed, their faces shimmering a little. Eddie has to squint to make out their features, and he laughs once he does. They all look so worried. Eddie feels great. "Oh my God," Stan says, at the same time that Richie says, "He's high."

2k words. 1 chapter.

💕 We Were Here - inoubliable

Eddie Kaspbrak is fifteen years old. It's the first time he kisses Richie Tozier. -- Eddie has a couple of options, here. He can pretend he didn't just realize what Richie has been trying to tell him the whole time. He can pretend like Richie is just being a jerk when he flirts and teases and taunts. He can pretend like they're just friends, and then they can stay just friends, and nothing will change. Or he can kiss Richie. He kisses Richie.

2.3k words. 1 chapter.

💕 ⚔️ The Ever After - websters_lieb

Eddie lives, and life goes on. Or The story of how Richie and Eddie sort out their shit and realize that they've been in love the whole damn time while they work towards their happily ever afters.

20.8k words. 5 chapters.

⚠️ In the Glow of the Vending Machine - sentimentalscribe

“I can’t believe that I’m going to live an eternity in hellfire over a hypochondriac who would probably make sweet love to his inhaler given the chance.” Alternatively: Beverly Knows way before these chucklefucks do. Alternatively: It's the '80s in a small town and having a panicked confession to your best friend is not nearly as fun as it sounds.

3.5k words. 1 chapter.

💜 😎 eddie gets grindr - BookRockShooter

I shouldn’t be doing this, Eddie thinks as he opens his phone. Is this technically illegal? he thinks as he clicks the app store icon. Well, it’s definitely fucking wrong either way, he thinks as he types grindr into the search bar. - Eddie downloads grindr and rediscovers an old friend - and crush - on it.

2.1k words. 1 chapter.

⚠️ confessions in the dark - BookRockShooter

Richie nods to himself. “Okay. Talk. I can do that. Hey, you know a trope in movies I always hated? When, like, the main character’s love interest is fatally wounded and dy–” He trails off, staring at Eddie with a haunted look in his eyes. “Well. You know. And, uh, the main character chooses that exact moment to confess their undying love? Like, shit, they’ve always got the worst timing.” He laughs, short and shaky, and Eddie thinks, Oh my god. “So, what, they wait until the last moment to say something? Isn’t that fucked up? Because, now, they’ll never have time to… to be happy together.” His eyes are shiny and, suddenly, all Eddie wants to do is wipe away his tears. Wants to help him feel better, because Richie Tozier doesn’t deserve to be in so much pain, not on Eddie’s behalf. “Richie,” Eddie murmurs, and he hates himself for what he’s about to say. “Richie, I… I love you.” - *fix it fic for chapter 2 bc fuck canon reddie is real*

2.2k words. 1 chapter.

💜 😎 head lights pointed at the dawn - starkmccall

"You do realise this means people around the world are gonna hear about how much I love your dick, right?" Richie says, tucked behind Eddie in bed late one night.

He can almost see Eddie squint at him. "That's not actually a part of the show, is it?"

Post-Chapter Two. Eddie lives. Richie goes back to comedy.

3.2k words. 1 chapter.

[eladrins]

I've been tempted to download Grindr again because I feel like shit and I want someone to hurt me but I'm too fat for anyone to want me now

[lordwooofakfak]

I'm so tempted to download Grindr again, but I never meet anyone I actually click with... Then again, what do I expect? Lol, I'm just lonely...I wanna date, but I don't have the time or money too. I'm constantly rehearsing for shows I'm in - next week I'll be in two at once - and I'm not getting paid for any of them...I really miss being in a relationship though. I miss hanging out with the guy you feel is one of your best friends, and then also being able to have sex with them ahaha! Ugh... Grindr wouldn't do anything for me. I'm only harassed by guys in their 50's for sex. No one my age actually messages me there. Oh well. I just gotta keep doing what I'm doing career wise I guess. Things will fall into place at some point.

[idlenest]

Thrill Chase

It was lunch time,and for some reason I was extremely horny, so first thing I know, I download grindr and check up some guys who wanted to get their dick sucked.

Mind that the pool of boys was totally different from the one in my hometown,as a result I get messaged by a lot of differents guys in a short span of time. Since it is mostly men in their thirties-forties, I flash on this one guy who was in his early thirties…

Business man suit, light brown hair, average face but charming with the little he was showing. He’s just looking to get his dick wet before going back into the social world he belongs to. Perfect target.

I sit on my usual lunch spot, which is the strategically placed couch inside the small underground mall of the palais des congrès, with not too many people who sit on them at the lunch hour, it is just perfect.

We text, sync our needs and interests.

He wants to come over.

He wants me to service him in the restroom.

Since it’s the palais des congrès, the restrooms are pretty high tech and mostly clean even on the man side, so the offer was tempting.

I accept.

He tells me to wait in front of the restroom, and yeah, there’s a pouch next to a small sink in front of the restrooms.

I sit and the stress I’ve been building up inside is sky-high at this moment.

Then I saw him. Passing by me, just glancing at me and smiling for a split second before looking back straight ahead.

He directly went for the restrooms, and he wants me to come over. 

It lasted less than 3 seconds, but it was totally one of those slow motions moments you  only see in the movies.

I get up, put my bag in front of my pants to hide my boner, and goes to the restroom too, now that he was here.

He’s in the disabled toilets, maybe because there are more spacious than the regular ones, and also the fact that they are separated from the rest of the cubicles.

He standing in front of me,we are approximatively the same heigh,he’s looking at me with eyes excited,a lust-filled smile and a calm stance.

Somehow I feel like he is used to this. He goes past me and close the door behind me.

Then he kiss me. His lips are thiner than mine, and the calm dominance he exerts over me turn this kiss into something electrifing.

His hands are running through my back. I can feel his need to reduce the gap between his body and mine.

I was electric at this moment. I sport a hard on I can’t even explain, I just want to keep kissing him and at the same time I want to stop. We twirl our tongues together and he breathes heavily and hold me even tighter. I feel like he needed to feel my whole body, as if he wanted to make sense of me as a person.

“You are so cute...”

But it was not a romantic act, just a exibit of passionate lust.

He asks me with a gentle voice to undo his pants.

I get on my knees and caress the modest bulge in the pants, then, I directly unzip it and take out his penis.

It was average, and I didn’t care at all, I do my best to pleasure him. I take it in my  wet mouth, repeat the things I knew boys liked; I act as if my mouth was a vacuum by suck with force the most I can take of his lengh, I lick the balls, revel in his muffled moans and his expression of pure pleasure. At this very moment I’m filled with lust, and the need to please this man.

I repeat my routines on him, take on his slighty sweaty musk and choke myself on his dick. He moans and shakes loudly and my erection twiches deeply, as if I was about to cum on the spot. It was thrilling.

He then start to touch my head, my cheek, the back of my neck...His hands travels on my body, judges, jauges and analyse, and I’m way too gone to even care.

His hands goes on my ass, he almost bended to reach it, and it touches my crack. I start to panick, go back to my senses but I do nothing.

I wants to finger me, but I’m not even sure If I’m clean. A first finger start to graze at my hole, and I anticipate the intrusion with dread.

The finger never went in. He just plays with my hole, then bring his finger to his nose. This action visibly horrifies me but then he shrugs as if he was content with my hygiene.

“You’re are clean don’t worry.”

His husky voice says  it as if to reassure me, he couple his words with a confident smile. He then asks me to take my dick out and to jerk off.

I obey and he then start to get a look at my cock. He motions me to stand up and then we start rubbing our erections together. Weirdly enought it isn’t as enticing as it was in porn. It just felt dumb on the moment.He can tell that I’m not really into this and after a good 30 seconds of just rubbing each other, I get back to his still painfully hard cock.

Suddenly, we can hear someone’s is trying to open the door. We both stop and stay still, looking at the door as if we were about to be found out at any moment. But the door was locked, and after a few tries, the person behing the grip gave up.

We both sigh and then I get back to him. I want him to cum, I don’t know for how much time I was doing the do with him, but what I know is that I needed to be quick, because we both must go back to our respective places at the end of the lunch break. 

I suck it sloppily, I try to create the most pressure at the base of his dick and then I suck the the head actively. 

He got a hand on his mouth,he looks at me with euphoric eyes,and it just fuels me to go even harder on him. I twirl my tongue on the gland in a naughty way, take a big inhalation and while locking my gaze into his, I deepthroat his whole lengh and try to squeeze my throat on his penis.

His legs buckles and he moans as if he was finally reaching the point of no return. I then decide to bob my head back and forth on his lengh. He closed his eyes and I can feel it, his release.

He cums inside my mouth in muffled moans, expressing a pure senesation of relief.

As I take the sperm inside my pouth, I swallow a little quantity, but then I decide to spit away the rest in the sink. The taste and the feeling of his semen in my mouth was somehow disgusting.

He doesn’t seem to mind.

We talk about who’s going to go out first. He decide he will. He unlock the door, then glance on the right and left. And he’s out.

I do the same, glance left then right, no one’s here. I get out and a man get out of a cubible at the same moment. He glances at me and I evade the restroom as quick as I can.

My hookups is waiting for me outside, I join him and we talk for less than a minute.

“It was great, let’s keep contact ok ? I want more.”

“I liked it too, I’ll text you when I’m connected again”

“Alright, I got to back to my office, I told my colleagues that I’ll be gone taking some fresh air.”

“Ok, go back safely then ! I need to get in class for 2 PM so I need to hurry too.”

“See you around.”

“Yeah see you !”

...

We never meet again. We talked through grindr for a moment, then moved to messages, but it never went further than that. He stopped talking after a few days and I stopped caring a little while after.

The thrill was nice to chase though.

[hamburgerking]

Tempted to download grindr again tbh :/

[livin-mah-best-life]

Messy Life Update

Hey! It’s been a lil bit, hasn’t it? Well, in true rant fashion, I’m gonna put most info under a cut. 

I’ve moved! I’m still in a lockdown rut, but the climb out has begun, which will only bring good things.

If you don’t wanna read it, I’ll never know. But I need to get it out of my brain and I’m still not feeling like I’m in a place to share vocally, so it’s good that my fingers can speak rather loudly.

I’m so fucking horny(?)*. There it is. If you regret hitting the “read more”, well, nows where you can stop, because that’s where this post is going. (*this might not be the perfect word for it... Read on to understand)

I don’t understand it. My teen years (read: puberty) were so tame compared to what I’m feeling lately. Then again, up until veeeeeeery recently, I wasn’t actively exploring my sexuality. I spent 24 years just expecting it to sort itself out, or that an attraction to women would happen once I found the right one. Once I started to actually critically think of my sexuality and attractions, and then began to accept them and recognize them as normal, that’s when (I guess) my brain said “ah yes. Now we can release the hormones”.

For the short time I was in a relationship, it was nice because I could set up time to meet him and then we’d spend a couple hours together and everything settled down. And here’s where I’m not sure “horny” is quite the correct word. Because most of the time, while with my boyfriend, I didn’t have to ejaculate for the tension to be released. Whereas lately, no amount of personal attention is really getting the feeling to go away.

Which brings me now to my main point of conflict. 

There are realistically 2 paths at this fork I’m standing at. 1) Due to the nature of being homosexual, the best eternity I can hope for is to be a ministering angel in the Celestial Kingdom, unless by some change during the Millenium and Resurrection I am brought into a heterosexual union, or 2) It is more important to God that the people partaking of the Sealing Covenant are equally consenting to the union than the genitalia or identity of the people, and once there is a desire amongst enough leadership to understand where the importance lies, then couples of all kinds will be open to receive the blessings of the highest part of the Celestial Kingdom.

Looking down the first path, I see the distinct possibilities and opportunities for me to eventually just say “What’s the point?” and give into the current, stereotypical gay hookup culture.

Down the other path, which is much less travelled, it’s almost impossible to see very far due to the overgrown thickets and bramble along the path, and I fear that I don’t have the tools or the strength necessary to forge my way through before giving up and making my way over to path 1.

Logically, based on my experiences and knowledge, past 2 makes the most sense. If it wasn’t for the pandemic, I can’t say that the decision would be different, but I do feel like I was more willing/prepared/equipped 5 months ago. I’ve now rusted into place, the batteries of willpower having their charges depleted from age and neglect, and what used to look like an Everest-size task now looks to be Olympus Mons-size. 

Sub-conflict

There’s a not-insignificant portion of my time dominated by the debate for/against virginity and “waiting for marriage”. There are days where I’m more than 30% tempted to just download Grindr, find some dom/top who’s online, and just get pounded to see if that will just get me out of my funk. And I don’t know how much longer I can keep up that particular barrier.

[blaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhs-blog]

I'm so tempted to download grindr again....